#and best believe i WILL make this post every day the week of grammys

[evermoredeluxe]

anti-hero SOTY 🥰

[avatar-anna]

Rumors

so...i've had this concept rattling around in my brain, but i had no idea how to write it, so i used pictures instead. i definitely want to do more, but tumnlr only allows 10 pictures a post, so here's to hoping i remember to come back to this in the future!

yourinstagram

liked by taylorswift and 67,530 others

yourinstagram: had a very cool dude over today to make even cooler music

yoursistersinstagram: you let someone in the bat cave?!

y/nfan5: possible collab on the new album?

yourinstagram: more like i was helping someone with theirs ;))

harrystyles: Thank you for having me. X.

harryfan3: HARRY???

harryfan7: omgomgomgomgomg

y/nfan1: pls god let us have a harry and y/n collab on his next album i NEED it

harrystyles

liked by gemmastyles, yourinstagram and 2,233,781 others

harrystyles: HS3. Coming soon.

harryfan8: NEW ALBUM ALERT

harryfan11: HARRY YOU CANT JUST DROP SOMETHING LIKE THAT WITHOUT A RELEASE DATE

harryfan4: this has to be what he was working on with y/n right?

y/nfan3: i need them both on a song together

yourinstagram: had fun late night talking with you xx

y/nfan9: i'm sorry wHAT

harryfan5: is this flirting this sounds like flirting

harryfan13: honestly...here for it

y/nupdates

liked by harryfan7 and 4,320 others

y/nupdates: Y/n in a video for Vogue recently!

"A lot of people ask me how Harry Styles ended up recording at my house when we'd virtually never crossed paths before. It was actually Taylor (Swift) who kind of set the whole thing up. They spoke at the Grammys last year and she apparently gave him my number so we could work together...He called and asked if I was available to help with his album at all. At the time I was on the road, then working on stuff for the band, and it just kind of went back and forth for a few months while we tried to line up our schedules. Then I was done touring, but I was kind of in a weird state in life where I didn't want to leave the house or hang out with anyone. And I remember making up excuses because I wasn't really up to making myself presentable to a whole team of people I'd never met before and having our first meeting be this huge thing. I'd basically built it all up in my head about how our ideas would clash and we wouldn't get along and I just kept telling him maybe some other time. Long story short, Harry showed up at my place a week later by himself with just a guitar, a notebook, and my favorite takeout order. We spent the whole day together working on a bunch of different stuff from themes to genres of music to sampling and mixing. And writing. Lots and lots of writing. And now he's a dear friend. He's so sweet and so talented. I wish him all the best with the new album."

y/nfan8: ok i'm glad it worked out and everything but imagine a virtual stranger showing up to your HOUSE?? like she said no and he basically forced her to write his album for her

y/nfan4: that's so real of her tbh to not want to leave her house

y/nfan2: y/n is notoriously introverted it makes sense

harryfan13: girl...

y/nfan7: i don't think it was that serious. and if she really didn't want him there she could've said no

harryfan13: and y/n literally called him a friend?? stop trying to start shit that doesn't exist

y/nfan7: of COURSE mother brought them together

harryfan17: i can't believe that's what harry and taylor were talking about in the video!

harryfan2: chill harry doesn't need to be in a relationship with every woman he's associated with

harryfan4: wait but wasn't y/n at that grammys too?

harryfan9: it was still covid it's possible their paths didn't cross

y/nfan19: wait what if he was too shy to go up to her??😭

harryfan4: i love that they're writing besties now but i think they'd be so cute together 🥹

hsupdates

liked by harryfan4 and 10,343 others

hsupdates: Harry about Y/n L/n for Rolling Stone:

"I've always admired (Y/n's) work. She and her band are incredibly talented, and are just so passionate about creating music. I wanted that same energy for my third album, the freedom to make whatever I want without any reservations, and I knew Y/n was the perfect addition to the team. It took some convincing, but once we kind of got started, we couldn't stop. As we've gotten to know each other these past few months, I not only respect her as a musician, but for the person she is as well. Her soul is one of a kind, and I feel like my album would be so different without her on it. So now not only do I have an album that I'm proud of and love, but I got an extraordinary friend out of it too."

harryfan9: so this is what people mean when they say platonic soulmates

y/nfan12: all we've gotten is crumbs and i'm already in love with their friendship. and the album of course

y/nfan2: i'm so interested to hear this album now. if y/n is on it it has to be good

harryfan3: "her soul is one of a kind?" if that's harry as a friend i don't think i can handle boyfriendrry😭

y/nfan7: i'm holding out hope for them honestly🤞🏼🤞🏼

liked by harrystyles and 23,724 others

yourinstagram

yourinstagram: you've fallen from the sky down to me, i see it in your face, i'm relief, i'm your summer girl

y/nfan17: shut up are those song lyrics??

yourbandinstagram: the tears behind your dark sunglasses, the fears inside your heart as deep as gashes🎶🎶

y/nfan17: HOLY SHIT those ARE lyrics!

y/nfan6: haven't even heard the song and i know the girls have done it again

harryfan4: could it...could it be about harry?

y/nfan8: you're grasping at straws

harryfan12: are they? they've been spotted together all over LA

harrystyles: ☀️☀️

y/nfan8: as friends. friends can hang out can't they?

harryfan3: new music from harry AND y/n? we're about to be fed y'all

harryfan10: THEY REALLY ARE BESTIES

y/nfan2: i bet they collaborated on this song together

Interviewer (I): What's one memory or experience you can share from making this album? Any trips to Japan or Jamaica?

Harry (H): We stayed in Los Angeles mostly for this one. But erm...in terms of a specific memory...I would say that while I was working with Y/n, one of the tracks was actually inspired by her cat.

I: Really?

H: Yeah. Whenever it did something to annoy Y/n, which was quite often, she'd call her a little freak. The song's obviously not about the cat, but the phrase was in my head and yeah. Things just kind of...snowballed from there.

I: The sound that Y/n's band has is more rock centric, a similar sound to your first album. Is that what we can expect for your third studio album?

I: You've become quite close to Y/n L/n it seems like.

H: Not necessarily. Y/n and I collaborated, but she also let me take the reins in terms of sound. She had opinions of course and we would bounce ideas off of each other...but she really just followed my lead and supported the vision I had. She is playing a majority of the instruments on the album, though.

H: It's hard not to.

I: How so?

I: It sounds like you could go on for quite some time about her.

H: She's just cool, you know? I was kind of intimidated when we met for the first time. She's quiet, but you never forget that she's in the room, you just want to go over and talk to her. Of course once you meet her she's incredibly kind and not at all intimidating, but still like chill and stuff. The first time we met we sat for an hour just talking about music we enjoyed and live shows we wanted to attend and things we learned while in lockdown. She's just effortlessly cool. An old soul, I guess. And somehow she translates that into her music. Her sisters, too. They're all just first-rate musicians.

H: Sorry. I kind of gushed for a minute there.

H: And the band. They're just so talented, you know?

harrystyles

liked by jeffazoff and 4,211,323 others

harrystyles: From start to finish, making this album has been such an incredible journey. It was so fun to try new things sonically while also making something that I'm one hundred percent proud of. I've never felt more myself while making music than I did while creating this album for all of you, and I have so many people to thank for that. Hopefully you know who you are. I love, love, love you.

harryfan16: 😭😭😭😭😭

harris_reed: little angel👼

harryfan3: WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU

yourinstagram: congratulations h. you deserve it.💐💐💐

harrystyles: I couldn't have done it without you💐

yourinstagram

liked by yourbandinstagram and 53,089 others

yourinstagram: for one night and one night only...but in all seriousness shout out to my friend and his incredible album. happy to have been a part of the magic :)))

harryfan13: HAPPY HARRY DAY!!!

harryfan4: is she in ny??

y/nfan7: yes! she was spotted with harry before the show today

harryfan9: they're literally so cute i love their friendship

harrystyles: You made the magic happen. Thank you for everything. X.

harryfan3: they're so...

y/nfan2: i genuinely think they like fucking with us bc i legitimately can't tell if they're dating or not

y/nfan7: at this point i don't even care i love whatever they're doing they both just seem so happy to be besties/lovers/collaborators and i love that for them

harryfan5: ^^

y/nupdates

liked by harryfan10 and 3,742 others

y/nupdates: Y/n performing Keep Driving onstage with Harry in NYC tonight at ONO!

y/nupdates: When he introduced her, he said: "Tonight is special in a lot of ways. I'm sharing my album with you for the first time, my family's here, my friends are here, and...a very good friend of mine is here to play a song with me tonight. This album wouldn't have been possible without her, so please give her as much love as you've given me. Y/n L/n, everybody!"

harryfan4: stop they're so close it hurts😭

y/nfan7: i was there they were staring at each other and smiling the whole time!

harryfan12: that's the one where he says choke her with a sea view!?

y/nfan7: YES AND I SWEAR HIS SMILE GOT BIGGER WHEN HE SANG THAT PART AND LOOKED AT HER LIKE HE FULLY HAD TO TURN AROUND TO LOOK AT HER BC SHE WAS PLAYING THE DRUMS

harryfan3: i'm choosing to believe they're in love idc what anyone else says

hs/ynupdates

hs/ynupdates: Harry, Y/n, and her sisters in New York after ONO tonight! Apparently Harry and Y/n were standing and walking very close to each other. Like arms wrapped around each other close.

harryfan2: that could literally mean anything tho. they're good friends why wouldn't they walk next to each other?

y/nfan14: i feel like they don't know if they're dating or not at this point😅

y/nfan8: her sisters are so unserious i love it

y/nfan5: i love that they all showed up for harry🥹

yourbandinstagram

liked by taylorswift, harrystyles and 710,225 others

yourbandinstagram: Thanks for having us, London!

y/nfan1: i can't believe i got to see harry and y/n perform in ONE NIGHT

harryfan3: sending my love and my tears to everyone who got to experience this historic night

harrystyles: Thank you for taking the time to share the stage with me. X.

yourbandfan2: how do y'all always look so good 😭

I: So you opened for Harry Styles a few weeks ago and performed a song with him in New York.

Y/n: My sisters and I did, yeah.

I: How did that come about? Did your team call his team? Or was it more casual than that?

Y/n: Oh, definitely more casual. I think we were just hanging out together one morning and he kind of just suggested it. No bells and whistles or anything like that.

I: So can we expect (Your band) to join Harry on his upcoming tour, then?

Y/n: I don't think so. We're working on putting out a record of our own at the moment, but we do want to get back out on the road soon, but I will definitely be attending more of his shows in the future.

I: And what can we expect from this upcoming record? Did Harry help you the way you helped him out?

Y/n: I've sent him a couple things to listen to, and I value his opinion a lot, both as a friend and as an artist. He also showed me a couple records recently which kind of influenced how I approached some of the songs sonically. He's got a huge vinyl collection at his house. I'm honestly kind of jealous.

I: There's been some rumors running around that you and Harry are in a romantic relationship. Would you like to put any of those rumors to rest?

Y/n: I could see where people might think that. Harry's very affectionate by nature, and over the last couple of months we've become very close. He's not just someone I admire in the music industry, but as a person in general. I feel incredibly lucky to call him a friend. And a close one, at that.

I: So just a friend then?

Y/n: Yeah. Yeah, just a friend.

[cleolowrey]

It is soooooooooo bittersweet to watch your classmates surpass you in your career. Like I’m so genuinely happy for them and I really do want the best for them. I promise I’m not a hater. But as I celebrate them I mourn for myself and beat myself up cause wtf am I not doing? What have I done wrong to be so far removed from my field while they’re thriving in it? What series of unfortunate events led me to what I’m doing right now?

I literally cannot even watch the new season of You because my former classmate is the new star of the show. I don’t log onto Facebook much anymore because every time I do I see a former classmate of mine signing a new contract or closing a new show. I just logged out of the app, called myself bragging about how decent I was doing in life but I was lying - I can at least be honest to y’all, I was exaggerating the truth a bit. But I posted my lil fake brag and with 2 flicks of a finger scroll saw another former classmate announce her debut at Carnegie Hall singing with Heather Hedley.

Like what the actual fuck? She just finished being the first black Belle in her city’s production of Beauty and the Beast. Other classmates are executive producers at HBO. Others are like literally making a living off of their photography. Shit my Model friends can’t stay off the fucking runway, they’re just now seeming to rest from all the world’s fashion week. One sis was just on stage dancing at the fucking Grammy’s.

And I’m sitting here calling BINGO in a fucking nursing home, don’t even know how I got finessed into coming back to St. Louis, to be honest. Been telling myself this is good for me, this is better that what I was doing before, this is what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s a good gig, at least you can bring your dog to work every day! There’s room for growth and job security. You love it here!

I keep telling myself that but I just can’t make myself believe it.

[astranva]

Falling Duet

Word Count: 2.4k

Category: Fluff but it’s so 🥺

Warning: Nothing

Request: harry dating singer!reader: he has to perform at some awards and he invites her to sing with him but no one else knows? love your writing🤧❤

Summary: You and Harry sing an unreleased version of Falling at an award show.

The lyrics used are of “Falling (other POV)” by THE cutie, Ally Naso 🤍

// masterlist //

**reposted bc tumblr is messing up the tags & nobody can view it. sigh.

..

It all started when a friend of yours had recorded you singing in your school’s bathroom during senior year.

7 years ago, you wouldn’t have believed it if somebody told you that you would be a 13-time Grammy nominated artist, as well as having 6 of that very award sitting on your shelf at your childhood home – one for Best Artist, and one for Album of the year.

You would have laughed even.

But it wasn’t a joke nor was it a dream you wished to never wake up from; it was as real as life could be.

You were successful in the industry and if any of your fans were asked, they would say that it was because of your immense talent and unproblematic, empathetic, kind character.

It was one of the many reasons why so many people on the internet had shipped you with a certain English man, him having been only 20 when you went viral and got signed.

A year into the industry, it was one day when you remember your Twitter notifications going crazy;

“HARRY STYLES JUST SAID HE LOVES YOUR MUSIC AND THINKS YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL”

“omg pls tell us you watched 1d’s interview with jimmy kimmel”

“IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING! CAN YOU PLEASE BE TOGETHER ALREADY???”

Looking back at that memory, you remember how you were a shaking and overwhelmed mess as you had clicked on the link everybody was sending you.

The video had begun with the audience cheering as the camera was on Jimmy and the 5 men near him.

And there he sat; in a black suit with a white shirt underneath, medium-length hair looking like he had run his fingers through many times, his hands clasped as he looked at Jimmy.

“Who’s most likely to let a woman split the band?” Jimmy had asked.

They had looked at each other, not answering for a moment before Niall chimed in with a laugh as he pointed at Harry, “Harry would let his celebrity crush do that.”

Harry rolled his eyes jokingly as his bandmates agreed and laughed, slapping his hands against his thighs in feigned annoyance.

“Who is that? Who’s your celebrity crush?”

“Just this talented person.” He had tried to smile his way through the question, but no one was having it.

“You know Y/N Y/L/N? She’s an amazing singer,” Louis told Jimmy.

“Y/N!” Jimmy beamed, “We had her on the show two weeks ago.”

“Yeah, he watched that.” Liam had gestured towards Harry.

Hiding his face in his hands for a moment, the audience cheered as his friends continued to laugh.

“She’s amazing, isn’t she?” Jimmy asked Harry in a teasing manner.

Having had decided to get it over with, Harry nodded as he clasped his hands together again, “She’s very talented and beautiful.”

“Lovie, can you help me with the necklace? My nails are still drying.”

You looked up from your place on the couch, sitting in your long dress looking so beautiful that Harry had lost track of time of getting into his own suit because he was too busy giving you a photoshoot on his phone.

Standing up, you reached and clasped his necklace for him, dusting his shoulders to signal that you were done.

Turning, you were met with your boyfriend of 4 years beaming at you before he leaned to press his lips against yours.

“You look so good.” You smiled up at him, “So beautiful.”

“Have to try to catch up with how you look tonight,” he replied with a wide smile, “Nervous?”

“Not really.” You admitted.

Amusingly and completely and utterly in love, Harry tilted his head slightly, “Any reason why you’re not? You usually hate those.”

It was true. You didn’t really like award shows because of how tiresome all the process was; hair, makeup, dressing up, walking only to pause every second, the repeated questions you have been answering for years, how more judgmental the world was on nights like these.

But it was always when Harry was able to be by your side that you liked the night, and the tall man knew it, but he had always loved hearing you say it.

To feed his ego, you wrapped your arms around his neck, “Because you’ll be there.”

“Music to my ears.” He joked, shaking his head slightly.

“Just feeding that already overfed ego of yours, baby.”

“Excuse you.” He pecked your lips, “Let me add food for Evie then we can leave.”

“I’ll do it, don’t mess up your nails.” You patted his chest before moving away to attend to your cat.

The fans and reporters all had anticipated the moment of yours and boyfriend’s arrival, and the both of you knew it.

You were fairly private with your relationship. While everyone knew you were together, the both of you didn’t always post about one another but when you did, it went viral – something you and Harry, shamelessly, enjoyed.

It was why during moments like this, everyone was eager. Reporters were hungry for content, all having different intentions, but you spend enough time in the industry and you sort of begin knowing what to say and how to say it.

Harry was scheduled to perform, something everyone knew of, but it was the fact that you were joining him not on the red carpet, but on stage that they didn’t.

Getting out of the car together, the screams and flashing lights were then doubled.

Harry closed the door behind you with a polite smile to the security standing. Bending a little, he adjusted your dress’s short train for you as you looked back at it before you looked up at him.

As if they weren’t snapping pictures like crazy yet, you reached and fixed Harry’s hair at the front, his eyes looking up with a smile as you did so.

“Thanks, love.”

With that, Harry placed his arm around your waist as you walked to the first spot on the red carpet.

“When was the last time we appeared together? They’re going mad.” You whispered, looking at Harry as he smiled to the cameras.

He chuckled, looking at you, “I think we deprive them too much.”

“Let’s give them enough content to last a year.”

Nobody but the both of you knew what you meant, and it was why the flashing lights and camera shutter sounds were then tripled the moment Harry’s lips were on yours in a soft kiss.

“Can we sign stuff?” You asked a woman standing on the sides, “Can we see the fans?”

When she nodded at you, you and Harry ignored posing for a few minutes to converse and meet fans.

“I love you and Harry so much!” One fan said shakily as you signed a paper for him.

“Thank yo- Hey! I saw you in Amsterdam last year, right?” You grinned.

And that was another thing not only your fans loved about you, but Harry, too.

You were no stranger to connections. You were no stranger to making people feel seen and treating them in a way that no fan expected to be treated – a friend, and you remember friends.

“Harry, do you think Y/N will win Songwriter of the Year?” A fan asked.

Harry shrugged with a smile, “I hope so but we all know she is anyway.” He waved his hand with a joking manner, making the closest fans laugh.

“What about you? Do you think you’ll win Artist of the Year?”

“I don’t know,” he smiled, “There are so many amazing artists. I wish them all the best.”

“He’s a humble man,” you teased, patting his shoulder, “We all know he is anyway.”

You were confused as they, Harry included, laughed in shock. “What?”

“He literally has just said the same thing about you.”

You laughed, looking at Harry, “Shut up, no way!”

“The both of you have been doing that for years.” One fan commented with a grin, “It’s adorable. It’s like telepathy or something.”

“Oh yeah, we are telepathic,” Harry nodded, “It gets a little scary sometimes.”

“Heeey!” You laughed, “It’s actually helpful. One of us would be just walking at home and we’d look at each other and know that the other just means something like “feed Evie” or “take out the trash””

“This is so cute!”

“Harry, what are you performing tonight?”

“You’ll find out in a bit.” He pointed.

Shortly, you and Harry had to take more pictures and do interviews before you were escorted inside.

It was the little moments that fans also lived for; how Harry held your hand as you sat so discreetly, how the both of you chatted and giggled among one another and those around you, how Harry fist-bumped the air the moment your name was called to receive your award of Songwriter of the Year before kissing you. It was how they knew this was real – how love wasn’t something you only listen people sing about or write novels for.

It was in how Harry’s eyes didn’t move from you as you gave your speech, a wide smile on his face and eyes resembling twinkling stars for crying out loud.

It was in how you ended your speech with: “This is to the man who has inspired and pushed me forward to write every single day. I love you.”

It was in how you looked more nervous than Harry himself when his category was called before you were the first to get out of your seat with a happy “yes!” once they announced that he won.

It was in how Harry cupped your face that moment to kiss you before walking to receive his award.

It was in how you remained standing, those behind you only smiling instead of being annoyed, with your hands clutched together against your heart, tearful eyes, and the brightest smile in the room.

“You’re going to tell me this is cheesy,” Harry chuckled slightly, giving a shrug as he looked at you, “But I wouldn’t be standing here, holding this, if it weren’t for you. I love you, too.”

But then Harry was about to perform and you weren’t in your seat.

The award show had decided to make a skit of it, the host being Miley had held her microphone as she stood in the empty isle beside yours and Harry’s empty seats.

“We know Harry Styles is performing in minutes,” she said, looking at the camera with a playful smile, “But where is Y/N Y/L/N? We know, we know,” she nodded, “Probably backstage for some extra good luck but-” people laughed, causing Miley to pause and chuckle, “But seriously, guys. There’s a show and it must go on.”

“It’s going on.” Harry said from backstage into his mic before the stage went dark.

It wasn’t until piano tunes sounded that the arena grew dim, a spotlight on the piano at the center of the stage where you sat, your fingers gentle against the keys as you played the beginning notes of Falling.

“I'm in my bed,

And you're not here

And there's no one to blame

But the drink in my wandering hands.” Harry sang as he came on stage, holding the mic in his hand before taking a seat beside you.

Everyone had expected him to sing the next verse, but it wasn’t his voice that they then heard.

“I'm in my bed

Instead of yours

Cried to sleep turned off all of lights and locked all of the doors.” You sang, eyes on the piano keys.

“Forget what I said

It's not what I meant

And I can't take it back

I can't unpack the baggage you left.” His eyes were on you, body turned slightly towards you as he felt like the both of you were in your living room in front of your white piano.

“I replay what you said

Don’t know if it’s true

Left with two broken hearts and there’s nothing that we could undo.” You sang, closing your eyes as you got ready for the chorus.

“What am I now? What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling.”

“What am I now? What am I now?

Don’t want to cry ‘cause I can’t stand the sound

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling.”

The both of you sang together, your voice being softer and quieter than Harry’s.

“What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling.”

“What if I'm down? What if I'm out?

What if you’re someone I can’t live without?

I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling.”

It was a version nobody had heard before, and it was why everyone was quiet, the only sound coming from you, Harry, and your lone instrument.

It was something you had written together following a rough patch of your relationship, and everyone knew that it was more personal with the way the both of you sang.

When his eyes weren’t closed, Harry sang as he looked at you, and he knew that performing this song meant more to the both of you than anyone could imagine. One look at your face and Harry knew you were reliving the night of when the both of you had written this; eyes a little red from crying, bodies hot, Harry wearing a hoodie of yours while you sat in your underwear with his purple fluffy robe on.

“Can I do this alone without ever needing you again?”

“And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again.”

You both sang the bridge together, yours being shorter than Harry’s note as you carried a softer tone, closing your eyes as you played the piano, feeling your throat close up before gulping.

He knew.

It was why the final chorus was sung softer and quieter, Harry’s forehead resting against your temple for a moment as the both of you sang.

“I’m falling again, I’m falling again, I’m falling.” Harry finished, putting his mic down as he stared at you with a small smile, watching you in your element as you played.

Managing to look at him as you played single soft notes, you sang, “I’m falling again, I’m falling again, I’m falling.”

You played the end single notes, looking at Harry with tearful eyes and a bashful smile.

It was like you were unaware to the erupted cheer and round of applause, you threw your arms around Harry, feeling his arms wrap around you instantly.

Crying from the overwhelming emotions, you were thankful your mascara was waterproof. You called it.

“I love you,” Harry whispered in your ear, “I love you so much.”

[fa-by]

official to get together with Ty. I mean, what?? Who does something like that if they were truly in love?// about this part technically they only became "official" publicly at that time because they never gave us an actual date as to when L and LV got together or even broke up and what makes it more confusing is that LV and L looked like they ended on good terms but then a few weeks later they unfollowed each other and LV was throwing shade at L and now they're not even friends.

Still here, not a hater nor a shipper Anon? I see that the first two times weren’t enough for you. Okay. Suit yourself.

“they never gave us an actual date as to when L and LV got together or even broke up”. Actually, we may not have specific day dates, but we do have dates to calculate everything.

As I’ve already explained, Lucy returned to Lauren’s life after she had a car accident on May 17, 2015:

“She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere and she called me”, and, according to their narrative, Lauren decided they would be together “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship” from that moment on. The last public interaction between the two of them occurred on January 12, 2017 with that post for Lucy’s birthday (which is actually Jan 11):

And by January 21, 2017, they had already broken up since they were at the same Women’s March but with other people. While Lauren ‘was still together with’ Lucy, Ty tweeted “LMJ” on January 4, 2017:

He canceled it right away, and on February 12, 2017, Tyren made their first appearance as a ‘couple’ at the Grammys after-party (picture posted by L two days later):

If you calculate from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017, it’s 1 year and 8 months. And of that year and 8 months, 2 months were public due to the wedding pictures.

Lauren was already with Ty after less than a month. In fact, if you want to calculate from January 21 to February 12, it’s only 9 days. So, as you can see, we have dates on which base ourselves.

“Um let’s be realistic this literally happens all the time in real life”. Oh yeah? To who? To those who weren’t really in love and didn’t care about their exes maybe, but not to those who claimed to have been in love with their best friend since adolescence. You continue to be contradictory, Anon. Even in your own thoughts. Because if you believe in the Laucy narrative, then you’re supposed to believe that Lauren was in love with Lucy for five years (from when she was 15 to when she was 20). And if you believe that, then how can you think she fell out of love with her in less than a month? How can you think that’s realistic? Do you really give your fave so little credit? As I’ve already said, I don’t know you, so either you’ve never been in love and that’s why you think it’s realistic, or you do give Laur so little credit for real.

I’m gonna copy and paste the entire piece that you copied incompletely now: “How can you have been in love with someone for so many years, broke up with them because they were a toxic person, and immediately get together with an even more toxic person without having the proper time to heal? Without taking the time for yourself to lick your wounds, grow up, be ready again to throw yourself out there, and eventually find a better person to be in a relationship with? How? Simple. Because they were both fake relationships. The timing they wanted to tell is not credible. None of what they’ve said is believable, and luckily, there’s also enough evidence to prove it so these are not opinions and theories”.

When you love someone, Anon, when you really love someone and you’re not with them anymore, you need time. You really need some time before you can move on. Less than a month is not enough to fall out of love after 5 years and start another relationship by declaring to be in love with this other person every five seconds. I really don’t understand how you can think it’s realistic, and most of all, I really don’t understand how you don’t see it was all fake.

“and who says Ty was a toxic person cause so far L has never said anything bad about him and he treated her right from what we have seen, also the fact that their ‘split’ was peaceful so how was he toxic for her?”. So, let me get this straight. Someone who thinks that ‘the women only serve to be in the kitchen’, that ‘the lesbians only are confused girls’, that:

and that he’s:

is not a toxic person? Someone who’s been in a gang (like his brother who’s still in jail) since he was a teenage boy and has a long list of felonies on his record for infractions, assaults, and possession of various drugs, isn’t toxic? Someone who lies about his age and is disrespectful in the lyrics in his songs and when he speaks in general with phrases in which he had no respect for either women or homosexuality, is not toxic? Someone for whom it’s normal to punch and kick another celebrity in the head just because he refused to leave and free for him the VIP room of a club he was occupying, is not toxic? Someone who wanted to make a blind woman move who was sitting behind him with her guide dog, claiming to be allergic to the fur that was making him sneeze, and despite the fact that the plane staff offered him another seat in the back, which he refused because ‘he had paid extra to be in the one he was sitting in’, and the blind woman even offered him an allergy pill, he refused AGAIN with the excuse that he ‘had to perform’ a few hours later at the Escapade Music Festival (the woman obviously had priority over her seat and wasn’t moved, so they all stayed in their seats in the end), is not toxic?

Are you for real?? Do you really think Lauren could actually have been with a person like that? Someone who represented exactly what she always despised? Do you really think so low of her? You say she’s your fave, but do you know her at all? Because you’re basically insulting her as a person and her intellect. When will you learn to distinguish reality from fiction? When are you gonna open your eyes? If Lauren were to tell you that Santa’s real, then you’d believe it just because the words came out of her mouth? Come on now! Just because she was forced to say that she loved him and how a good person he was, DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE. Not to mention that we’ve witnessed several times how uncomfortable she was when they had to look intimate for pictures:

And how inappropriate he was:

https://youtu.be/g3D_FMHy4ho

Don’t you see how she tried to move his hand and how uncomfortable she was? And these are just two examples, but there are so many of them. Wake up and learn to recognize the distinction between script-following Laur and authentic Laur. I already told you this.

No, I’m the one who’s sorry here. Because as I said, you can’t distinguish when something is fake and when it’s real. I was there. You seem to have forgotten this. I saw every post, every picture, and every live they did together. They were together. They obviously couldn’t say it because Lucy ‘was together’ with Laur, but they were together. It wasn’t a serious relationship like the one with Nicole, but they still had something. They stayed together until February and then Lucy got together with Nicole in March.

---

I hope this can also answer your ask, dear Anon 😄 and hi to you too 👋🏼

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Back to you, not a hater nor a shipper Anon. Keep blaming CS and believing every single thing your faves say if you want, but do yourself a favor: stop trying to change someone’s mind (with empty proofs) and try to convince them to think like you. It’s useless. As I already told you in that post: “You can come back here a hundred more times, but you won’t change my mind”. Just accept it. Just accept the fact that we think differently because we believe in different things. Follow the blogs that think like you if you want, create your own blog with your own opinions or whatever, but don’t go to CS ones like mine because you wouldn’t come out as a winner, as you could see all three times. It’s one thing to go to another blog to express your opinion, and another is to go there multiple times and insist on changing their minds. Unlike you, I don’t go bothering other blogs to convince them to believe in what I believe. In fact, if that’s why, I don’t really care to change their minds precisely because, as I already told you, everyone is free to think what they want and have their own ideas. I accept the fact  that not everyone thinks the same way. Embrace this idea too, trust me, you'll live better. Find your community and be happy there.

I hope I’ve been even clearer than the previous times. Take care, not a hater nor a shipper Anon, and have a good day. I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for.

[youareinlovees]

Taylor and Joe in 2019 

January 2nd – Joe is seen leaving Taylor’s Tribeca apartment. (x)

January 6th – They both attend the Golden Globes in LA.

“While Taylor presented, Joe watched the teleprompter near him and smiled and [his The Favourite costar] Nicholas Hoult patted him on the back. After Gaga walked on stage, Joe shifted his gaze to the stage near Taylor. She was smiling at him while she walked off the stage. She looked over her shoulder and gave a sassy cute little smile at his table’s direction.” 

(via US Weekly)

January 6th – An ET reporter asks Joe if he and Taylor would ever work together. (x)

“It’s not planned at the moment but who knows.”

“Swift joined Alwyn at Fox’s party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. The instant she entered the event, the “Gorgeous” singer made a beeline for The Favourite star, putting her head on his shoulder and hand on his chest. Swift didn’t leave Alwyn’s side, posing for photos and chatting with Alwyn’s co-star, Nicholas Hoult, as she kept her hand around Alwyn’s waist. At the end of the evening, the two exited through the back of the venue and away from the crowds.” 

(via Entertainment Tonight)

FOX Post Show Celebration was also one of the starriest, with The Favourite cast holding court at their table and having a ball throughout the night. Big winner Olivia Colman was seen taking shots with Joe Alwyn, who was accompanied by girlfriend Taylor Swift the whole night. 

The Grammy winner cheered on the cast as they took the shots and was affectionate with her beau throughout the celebration. The ultra-private couple was spotted kissing and cozying up at their table along with Alwyn’s Favourite costar Emma Stone and her Saturday Night Live writer boyfriend Dave McCary. 

(via PEOPLE)

CAA party: Alwyn and Swift made a brief appearance around 1 a.m. Security swarmed them,” the source says. “They sat in a couch at a table with their drinks in the back of the party and were talking with several people. They looked at each other a few times and it seemed like Joe was trying to make sure she was OK and gauge when she wanted to leave. They were then escorted out of a private exit together.”

(via E Online)

Video of them arriving at one of the afterparties.

February 8th – Taylor and Joe are spotted leaving The Spaniards Inn in Hampstead, London. (x)

February 9th – They’re seen walking around in Notting Hill.

February 10th – Taylor skips the Grammys and attends several BAFTA afterparties with Joe instead. (x) (x)

Taylor Swift spotted caressing Joe Alwyn after sneaking into BAFTA dinner (x)

Determined to keep a low profile, Taylor swerved the main event at the Royal Albert Hall attended by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and headed straight to the exclusive dinner at the swanky Grosvenor Hotel on Park Lane.

“Taylor and Joe spent most of the evening in the middle of the room near the head table and based on table 68. They were chatting to colleagues but Taylor didn’t hide her affection towards Joe. She was seen caressing his back as they chatted away to a pal. It was clear they were an item but Taylor appeared conscious not to make a big deal about her appearance - she was just there for a good time rather than working like she would have to at the Grammys. Taylor didn’t leave Joe’s side all evening.”

Keen to keep a memento from the night, Taylor was seen taking home two pottery rabbit table decorations from her table. 

Taylor talked to a Grazia reporter about The Favourite and how proud she was of him. (x)

While Grazia chatted to Joe about working with Olivia Colman (‘She was amazing,’ he gushed), Taylor appeared and gave him a congratulatory squeeze. ‘I was watching the show from home,’ she told us. ‘Every time The Favourite won another award, I was just squealing! I couldn’t believe it,’ she continued. ‘It’s so great for him – and it’s his first time coming to the BAFTAs, so it’s exciting. It’s a big deal.’ The singer, who is currently filming Cats, added how ‘proud’ she was of Joe’s success. 

They were seen leaving the Vogue / Tiffany & Co afterparty. (video) (x)

February 12th – In an interview with ET, Rebel Wilson is asked whether she’s seen Joe on the set of CATS. (x)

“I haven’t! I have met him, but not on set.” 

February 22nd – Taylor and Joe attend the CAA Oscars pre-party in West Hollywood. (x)

February 23rd – The Mirror publishes an article about Olivia Colman and Taylor becoming friends through Joe. (x)

A source revealed: “After the Baftas Taylor sang up a storm with Olivia Colman, Joe and Melissa McCarthy too at a London hotel. They had their own room and Olivia and Taylor were behaving like best buddies.Taylor thinks Olivia is amazing, she loves her and the sing song wasn’t a one off.” The insider added: “They have already made plans for Oscar week. They’re going to have a rerun of the karaoke night and Olivia has even been to Taylor and Joe’s LA home too.”

February 24th – Taylor and Joe hang out with Martha, Camila Cabello and Matthew Hussey at the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty.

Video of them at the Fox afterparty.

“Taylor Swift made a surprise appearance with her boyfriend, The Favourite star Joe Alwyn. As the party wound down, Swift and Alwyn were overheard contemplating late-night karaoke with Alwyn’s co-star Nicholas Hoult.”

(via Vanity Fair)

February 25th – Joe posts a photo taken in Taylor’s LA house.

March 3rd – Taylor and Joe are seen hiking together in the Santa Monica mountains. (video) 

A picture he took of her is later included in the Lover photoshoot. (x)

March 6th – Taylor drops an ELLE article titled “30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30.″ (x)

How to fight fair with the ones you love. Chances are you’re not trying to hurt the person you love and they aren’t trying to hurt you. If you can wind the tension of an argument down to a conversation about where the other person is coming from, there’s a greater chance you can remove the shame of losing a fight for one of you and the ego boost of the one who “won” the fight. I know a couple who, in the thick of a fight, say “Hey, same team.” Find a way to defuse the anger that can spiral out of control and make you lose sight of the good things you two have built. They don’t give out awards for winning the most fights in your relationship. They just give out divorce papers.

Apologizing when you have hurt someone who really matters to you takes nothing away from you. Even if it was unintentional, it’s so easy to just apologize and move on. Try not to say “I’m sorry, but...” and make excuses for yourself. Learn how to make a sincere apology, and you can avoid breaking down the trust in your friendships and relationships.

For too long, the projected opinions of strangers affected how I viewed my relationships. Whether it was the general internet consensus of who would be right for me, or what they thought was “couples goals” based on a picture I posted on Instagram. That stuff isn’t real. For an approval seeker like me, it was an important lesson for me to learn to have my OWN value system of what I actually want.

Playing mind games is for the chase. In a real relationship or friendship, you���re shooting yourself in the foot if you don’t tell the other person how you feel, and what could be done to fix it. No one is a mind reader. If someone really loves you, they want you to verbalize how you feel. This is real life, not chess.

April 17th – Emma Roberts and Garrett Hedlund (Joe’s Billy Lynn co-star) visit Joe and Taylor at their LA place. (x)

April 24th – Taylor sends @/daylightanna – a family friend of the Alwyns – reputation merch and a signed photo for her birthday. (x)

April 26th – Taylor posts a video of her cat Benjamin Button, and Joe’s hand is clearly visible at the start of the clip. (x)

April 30th – In the ME! behind the scenes video where Taylor meets Benji, she says she has to “get on the phone” before she can adopt him. (x)

May 1st – In an interview with iHeartRadio Canada, Taylor is asked about how she chose Benji’s name. (x)

What made you decide to go with the name Benjamin Button?

I really liked the movie Benjamin Button.

Okay, that’s a good answer.

And Benjamin Button in the movies is such a good guy, you know? He’s always doing the right thing.

May 2nd – The day after the BBMAs, Taylor leaves Las Vegas for London.

May 4th – Taylor is seen in Notting Hill (again).

May 15th – Taylor is interviewed on The Ellen Show, and at one point Ellen says to the audience, “We have to take a break, and then uh, we’re gonna come back and she’s gonna talk all about her boyfriend!” (video)

May 21st – Taylor leaves LA for London, and then she and Joe fly to France the next day.

May 24th – Taylor and Joe are seen out in Paris together. (x)

They visit the Pont Neuf Bridge and the Square du Vert-Galant, where scenes from the Begin Again music video were filmed.

They also went to the Grand Palais on the same trip.

Joe posts these photos that Taylor took. 

May 25th – In an interview with NRJ Paris, Taylor was asked what she would do if her boyfriend forgot her birthday. (x)

“Wouldn’t happen. I don’t know how to react to something that is an impossibility. I’m so loud about my birthday, you couldn’t miss it.”

May 25th – Taylor likes and reblogs this chain post.

May 26th – Taylor posts photos from her hotel room that Joe most likely took.

May 31st – Taylor and Joe go on a double date with Rob Pattinson and Suki Waterhouse at San Vicente Bungalows in LA. (x)

The San Vicente Bungalows is an exclusive members-only club and has a "no phones, no pictures, no social media, no talking about other members-policy." So it truly is the perfect place for two private couples to have a double date out.

Other people still saw Swift, Alwyn, Pattinson, and Waterhouse, and one onlooker told Us Weekly that the date happened. It was good fun. "The four were laughing and talking" all night, the onlooker said. "They were at a table, just the four of them. Rob and Taylor were across from each other."

June 12th – Katy Perry posts a photo from Taylor’s place, and a blurry polaroid of Joe and Benji can be seen in the corner.

June 19th – Taylor leaves NYC and flies to London.

June 27th – Taylor films the BBC Children In Need documentary and says she got involved because Olivia Colman reached out to Joe.

(via taylorswifth)

Olivia talks about how she managed to get Taylor to show up and surprise Shaun. (x)

“Taylor Swift goes out with a very lovely fella, Joe Alwyn, who I did a job with. And I did a very cheeky text at him and went, ‘Do you think Taylor will come along and surprise Shaun Dooley?’”

June 29th – kingkeir tweets about Taylor renting a place near London Zoo.

July 2nd – Taylor, Martha, Ashley and the HAIM sisters go on vacation to the St Thomas Virgin Islands. (x)

July 6th – Joe finishes filming A Christmas Carol, the same day Taylor and her friends are papped flying back to the US. They presumably meet up in New York the next day.

July 10th – Taylor performs at the Amazon Prime Day Concert in NYC. Throughout the show–and especially during Delicate–she kept looking and pointing at Joe, who was sitting in the soundbooth. (video)

In Ashley’s IG story, Gigi says “Taylor can’t stop looking at him!” and she replies “here text him!” (video)

July 11th – The day after the Prime Concert, they fly from NYC to London.

July 13th – Taylor and Joe were reportedly seen at Starbucks in Muswell Hill.

July 16th – In a radio interview with KIIS 1065, Katy Perry talks about ending her feud with Taylor. (x)

“I started seeing her around at like the Oscar parties when she was accompanying her boyfriend and I just went up to her and I was like 'hey, you know it's been a long time and I think we've grown up a little bit and I just wanted to say I'm sorry.”

July 18th – Taylor and Joe fly to Manchester, and it’s pretty likely that this photo (posted on July 26) was from this trip, because it was taken at the Peak District and that’s an hour long drive from Manchester.

July 20th – Joe and Taylor arrive in LA.

July 24th – Taylor likes this post. 

July 23rd – Taylor films the Lover music video in LA. Joe and Andrea are seen sitting together on set. (x)

July 25th – Riley Knoxx posts a vlog on her YouTube channel about her experience of being in the YNTCD video. She talks about her conversations with Taylor on-set, and how Taylor showed her photos of her with Joe. (x)

“We talked about everything, from whether we want kids or not, [Taylor] showed me videos of her cats and her boyfriend, who she’s rarely seen with, but she’s showing me, you know, the pictures.”

July 30th – In an interview with Cosmopolitan, Rebel Wilson is asked whether she got some dating tips from Taylor while they were filming CATS. (x)

“She’s in a pretty committed relationship now, so it didn’t really come up.”

August 2nd – London secret sessions are held.

Taylor name dropped Joe when explaining Cruel Summer, confirming that it’s about him. (x)

She also talks to theirgetawaycar about spending Christmas in Ireland, which stacks because we know she spent the holidays with Joe and their families at Glin Castle.

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Keep reading

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2016 // 2017 // 2018 // 2020 // 2021

[old-childhood-drama]

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)

Before dating (May 2008)

We start with the Taylor lookalike

In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.

As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.

We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.

Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)

On Tour

Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".

Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.

I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane

That July 9th, the beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.

On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.

She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.

They’re together but they’re not together.

For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.

Now back to the timeline:

Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.

She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.

Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.

On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”

And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.

Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.

The Central Park date (August 28th)

Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.

Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).

These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.

VMAs (September 2008)

With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.

Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.

The Break-Up (October 2008)

Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.

Post-Breakup

The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.

Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:

“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”

“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]

She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]

Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.

So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:

"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “

Forever & Always

Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).

Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.

You All Over Me

The best and worst day of June

Was the one that I met you

With your hands in your pockets

And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin

But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child

Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then

Mr. Perfectly Fine

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

And I never got past what you put me through

But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"

To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]

Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.

Much Better - Jonas Brothers

I get a rep for breakin’ hearts

Now I’m done with superstars

And all the tears on her guitar

I’m not bitter

But now I see

Everything I’d ever need

Is the girl in front of me

She’s much better

Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.

“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.

Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)

Come on, show me how much better you are

(So much better, yeah?)

See you deserve some applause

'Cause you're so much better

She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).

Jump Then Fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me

I love each freckle on your face, oh

I've never been so wrapped up, honey

Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.

If This Was a Movie

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

Thought you'd be here by now

According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.

Haunted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started

This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.

"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor

Friendlier days are coming (2010- )

I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].

The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".

Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’

And for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story’s got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd…

… Tonight, I'm gonna dance

For all that we've been through

But I don't wanna dance

If I'm not dancing with you

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].

From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.

Present (2020- )

In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.

Invisible String

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

[epicstuckyficrecs]

2020 Half-year fic rec for Steve Rogers’ birthday!

I made a poll on Twitter to know if people would be interested in me doing a half-year “best of” fic rec like I did last year , and the response was overwhelmingly positive, so here it is! 😊 These are my favorite fics of the year so far! (in no particular order)

Complete

Two Colors, White and Gold by Carelica (Canon-Divergent | 36K | Explicit): He’s here, he’s alive. His hand is on a tree.

Deep Sea Diving by AidaRonan/ @bisexualstarbucky​ (Shrunkyclunks | 5,4K | Explicit): Steve’s wallowing in heat-related misery under a shade tree in Central Park when a man walks by in bright red booty shorts and a crop top. RIP Steve Rogers. It was nice knowing you.

Some things you do for money by pushdragon (BDSM AU | 72K | Explicit): Steve’s wholesome take on domination has suddenly become the hottest thing in the business. He should be cashing in on his newfound celebrity, but instead he’s distracted by the guy who works odd shifts in the club’s bar, fresh out of prison and damaged in ways that don’t show.

the hand you want to hold is a weapon (and you’re nothing but skin) by voxofthevoid/ @voxofthevoid​ (Post-WS, Sex Pollen | 13K | Explicit): Steve gets sex-pollened. He handles it just fine, and then Bucky shows up.

Dear Mr. Postman by odetteandodile (Modern AU | 52K | Teen): “I’m um—your mailman,” Bucky says, lamely. Or—Steve and Bucky revive an old friendship, get married (but totally just as friends, for reasons), and navigate a few of the many trials of the heart that come with falling in love with your best friend. 

good on my own (needed me) by mcwho (Modern AU | 12K | Explicit): There are some mistakes that could be made by anybody. Anybody. Bucky taught high school pretty much his whole life, and that was fine, those were kids, and he knew all of them anyway, which meant there was very little chance of him accidentally fucking any of his students during an impulsive post-marital-breakdown Grindr hook-up. Which is exactly what he had done with Steve.or: bucky has not let steve rogers fuck him since his sophomore year (Part 1 of himbo-verse)

Latte Art and Slow Dancing in the Dark by deadonarrival (Modern AU with powers, Daddy kink | 89K | Explicit): Bucky is a somewhat well-adjusted former army sniper that got his shoulder blown out. He took his discharge and went home to finish school. His best friends and roommates (Nat & Clint) are CIA agents and tip him off that their local Sbux is hiring. He gets a job there and meets none other than the hottest guy on earth. So how does one get a date in the most top secret government location in the US? What happens when that guy is more than just a hot dorito and wants to give Bucky everything he wants? 

That Boy Is a Problem by 2bestfriends  (Modern AU | 10K | Explicit): In which a twinky little goth punk named Bucky puts a leash around Steve’s dick and he’s really into it. (The leash is a metaphor. For now.)

bullet in a gun (but in the end, my time will come) by voxofthevoid/ @voxofthevoid​ (Post-Endgame, Canon-divergent | 25K | Explicit): Post-Thanos, Bucky Barnes has happily settled into a life of peace and pining. That’s when alternate versions of the best friend he’s secretly in love with start showing up.

Like it’s the Only Thing I’ll Ever Do by howdoyousleep/ @howdoyousleep3​ (ABO AU | 39K | Explicit): When Steve opens the door, Bucky feels like he’s been living in clouds for the past few days, maybe even his entire life. Steve is life, Steve is happiness, Steve is the sun. He has such a visceral reaction to seeing the Alpha that he feels his knees go weak, feels his body draw tight towards the other man, pulled in. Or big Alpha Steve moves into sweet little Omega Bucky’s apartment building and a roller-coaster build of a romance ensues.

A Company Man by mambo/ @whtaft (Modern AU | 75K | Explicit): No matter what it is, the truth is the same: Steve Rogers is in love with Bucky Barnes, a married man.

How to Fuck With (and Feed) Your Soulmate by BlueSimplicity/ @bluesimplicity73​ (Soulmate AU, Shrunkyclunks | 114K | Explicit): It’s called the Grey Space; a patch of skin marking you as blessed and the first sign you have a soulmate. Steve Rogers didn’t have one when he crashed into the ice. But he did when he woke up in the future. The second sign is the Sense, a sharing of one the senses to help soulmates find each other. Steve’s Sense, taste, is rare, but he loves a challenge and a soulmate is a gift from the Fates. Except instead of a blessing, it’s a curse, since his soulmate is a dick. Bucky Barnes loves food and a homecooked meal is something he cherishes. When his Grey Space starts to itch, Bucky can’t help his excitement, since the Sense he and his soulmate share is taste. But not for long. Whoever he’s bound to has the blandest diet in the world, ignoring all Bucky’s messages. After weeks of putting up with tasteless food, Bucky decides to strike back.

Strangers in the Street by crinklefries/ @spacerenegades (Canon divergent | 15K | Teen): Every five years, Bucky meets the same tall, blond stranger.

Departure by Nejinee/ @nejineeee (Arrival AU | 80K | Mature): Captain America is recruited by the U.S. government to assist a linguist and her team of scientists in communicating with aliens after twelve mysterious space ships appear across the globe overnight.

Compatible - A Romantic Science Fiction Thriller in Four Parts by the1918/ @the1918​ (Shrunkyclunks, ABO AU | 33K | Explicit): When young nanotech engineer Bucky Barnes finds himself falling head first in love with none other than Steve Rogers, he ends up getting a lot more of the Alpha than he– or science– could ever have imagined possible.

WIP

four dreams in a row where you were burned by voxofthevoid/ @voxofthevoid (canon divergent, post-Endgame, 1945 alternate timeline | 10/? | 58K | Mature): When Steve uses the last of his Pym Particles to travel to 1944 and save his best friend, he doesn’t have a plan beyond leaving behind the battlefield and living his life alongside the people he loves. But the life that finds him is not the one he expects.

A Matter of Trust by chicklette/ @chicklette​ (Singer Bucky, Fake relationship | 7/13 | 26K | Explicit): At 43, James Barnes is a washed up old man. He’s got a dozen Grammys in the hall closet, an agent that can’t get him a deal, a decade-old case of writer’s block, a moody teen-aged daughter, and the gorgeous actress Natasha Romanova for an ex-wife. Enter Steven Grant Rogers, struggling twenty-something, orphan, and someone who has no idea who Barnes is. The two men meet by accident, doing nothing more than passing the time in a quiet bar. But when a pap gets a shot of the two men embracing, Bucky takes it as a chance to finally come out as bisexual, and his agent makes him a proposition: Ten new songs and one very sweet boyfriend will get him a new record deal that will maybe, just maybe put him back on top. Now all he has to do is write the songs, convince the kid, and not fall in love. Should be easy, right?

Bespoke by the1918/ @the1918​ (Shrunkyclunks, ABO AU | 6/10 | 61K | Explicit): “I love you, too. So fucking much,” Steve answered. His voice sounded cracked and exhausted, an exposed nerve ending in the shape of a man. “Some days I still don’t believe you’re real. Feels— feels like somehow, I’ve always loved you. Even when I didn’t know you.” Bucky smiled softly at that and felt his heart threaten to explode. Still straddling his lap, he reached a hand up to cup Steve’s cheek. “You’ve always known me,” he stated, simply. “I was made for you, remember?” (Part 2 of Compatible)

Series

couldn't get the boy to kill me by voxofthevoid/ @voxofthevoid (Shrunkyclunks, SHIELD Agent Bucky | 12 works, complete | 74K | Explicit): Captain America and the Winter Soldier are a terrifying duo on the field, working together with a well-oiled precision that tears through their enemies. Captain Rogers and Agent Barnes are distant coworkers, all polite nods and mission briefings. Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are fire and gasoline; it never ends well.

the hero's shoulders by voxofthevoid/ @voxofthevoid (Shrunkyclunks, Post-CW, canon divergent | 3 works, not complete | 32K | Explicit): Sequel series to couldn't get the boy to kill me

~

Honorable mention for Where The Interstate Ends by paperstorm/ @paper-storm​ because it was posted last year but I only read it recently!

[snowonthebeachmp3]

February 2016

Feb 11th - Kanye debuts his song Famous at his Yeezy fashion show. It contains the infamous lyric, 'I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous.' Gigi Hadid and Austin Swift are quick to express their disapproval. (x)

Feb 12th - Taylor's publicist Tree Paine releases a statement saying "Kanye did not call for approval, but to ask Taylor to release his single 'Famous' on her Twitter account. She declined and cautioned him about releasing a song with such a strong misogynistic message. Taylor was never made aware of the actual lyric, "I made that bitch famous.’" (x)

Ruby Rose condemns Kanye, tweeting, 'Too many lines crossed. If I put myself in the shoes of the women he has hurt recently. Victims of Bill Cosby, the slut shaming, Amber… And now my dear friend Taylor.. Right before another huge moment for her.. Can I still support him and call myself a feminist? A friend? No.' (x)

Kanye claims on Twitter that Taylor thought the lyric was funny and that she came up with it herself. He also claimed Taylor told a mutual friend over dinner that, 'I can't be mad at Kanye because he made me famous!' (x)

Sometime in the days leading up to the Grammys - Taylor's 73 Questions with Vogue interview is filmed in LA (it is not published until April, soon after her Vogue cover is released). In the video, she says she is currently busy 'working out and getting ready for Grammys' (presumably referring to rehearsals since she was the opening performer that year). (Update: turns out the interview was filmed on the 2nd Feb.)

Some other answers she gave in this interview:

What are you completely bored of in life right now? Clickbait.

What's your favourite food? I mean, if we're just saying, like, what I wish I could eat every day if calories didn't count, is like, chicken tenders.

What's one thing you still have from your childhood? My insecurities.

What's something you've always wanted to try but you've been too scared to do? Coachella.

What advice would you give to anyone who wants to become a singer? Uh, get a good lawyer.

What's the one thing you wish you knew at nineteen? If I could talk to my nineteen-year-old self I'd just say, hey, you know, you're gonna date just like a normal twenty-something should be allowed to, but you're going to be a national lightning rod for slut-shaming.

What do you think is the most important life lesson for someone to learn? That karma is real.

Feb 15th - Taylor attends the 58th Annual Grammy Awards in LA. She opens the televised show with a performance of Out of the Woods (x) and debuts her Anna Wintour-esque bob (x).

After her performance, she is seen crying in the audience while Selena (her plus-one for the evening) comforts her. Apparently she is upset about missing a note while performing. (x) (video)

1989 wins Album of the Year, making her the first woman to win this award twice. In her acceptance speech, she references the situation with Kanye, saying, 'I want to say to all the young women out there, there are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success, or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame.' (x)

Taylor attends the Republic Records afterparty with friends and then-boyfriend Calvin Harris, who was not there for the awards show itself. (x)

In her 2020 documentary Miss Americana, Taylor had this to say about the 2016 Grammys: (x)

My life had never been better. I had won album of the year at the Grammys for a second time, which I never thought was a possibility. And I remembered thinking afterward, oh my god, that was all you wanted. Oh god, that was all you wanted. That was all you focused on. And you get to the mountaintop and you look around and you’re like, oh god. What now? I didn’t have a partner that I climbed it with that I could, like, high five. I didn’t have anyone I could talk to who could relate to what I was – you know? I had my mom. But I just wondered, shouldn’t I have someone that I could call right now?

Feb 16th - Calvin posts a photo of Taylor accepting her AOTY Grammy to social media with the caption, 'Congratulations to my beautiful girlfriend.' (x) I cannot believe this post is still up 💀💀

Taylor goes for lunch with Scott and Andrea at Cecconi's in LA. (x)

Feb 17th - Taylor is seen out shopping in Beverly Hills. (x)

The NME Awards take place in London at the O2 Academy. Taylor wins Best International Solo Artist but is not there in person. Instead, a pre-recorded video of her accepting the award is played at the ceremony. (x) Her outfit and haircut suggest that the video was filmed on the same day as her Vogue 73 Questions interview at her LA house.

Feb 19th - Taylor announces on Twitter that New Romantics will be the next single from 1989. (x)

She is seen getting off her plane in Reading, PA (x) and visiting her childhood home. (x)

Feb 20th - Taylor is the maid of honour at her childhood best friend Britany Maack's wedding in Pennsylvania. (x) She brings Vogue reporter Jason Gay with her, and he writes about the weekend for Taylor's Vogue cover story, published in the May edition. (x)

A few excerpts from that weekend (not published until almost two months later): (x)

Swift says she is ready to lie a little low. After the wedding, she will go to New York, where she will be spotted dining with her friend Lena Dunham, and then be seen a week later in Los Angeles with her brother, Austin, and her friend Lorde at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party. As for future plans . . . who knows? For the first time in years, Swift is not sure exactly what is next. She is very much OK with this.

So what the hell are you going to do with the rest of your life, Taylor Swift?

“I have no idea,” she says, with a sigh that’s more blissful than anxious. “This is the first time in ten years that I haven’t known. I just decided that after the past year, with all of the unbelievable things that happened . . . I decided I was going to live my life a little bit without the pressure on myself to create something.”

//

Because I’m a hopeless cheeseball, I can’t help asking: Being part of this wedding, does it make Swift think about being married some day? For the past year, she has been seeing the Scottish DJ-producer Calvin Harris. Harris is not here with her, but in early March, he and Swift will post cutesy notices on social media—his on Snapchat; hers on Instagram—commemorating the one-year status of their relationship. Soon after, both will post photographs of an idyllic, whereabouts-unknown vacation in the tropics, with ts + aw written in the sand. (Harris’s given name is Adam Wiles.)

“I’m just taking things as they come,” Swift says. “I’m in a magical relationship right now. And of course I want it to be ours, and low-key . . . this is the one thing that’s been mine about my personal life.”

//

“I think the world is so bored with the [Kanye] saga,” she goes on. “I don’t want to add anything to it, because then there’s just more.”

Feb 21st - Taylor donates $250,000 to Kesha after she loses her lawsuit against Dr Luke and Sony. (x)

Taylor goes to New York and visits the Vogue offices. (x) She also meets Lena Dunham for dinner. (x)

Feb 22nd - Demi Lovato tweets, 'Take something to Capitol Hill or actually speak out about something and then I'll be impressed.' The tweet is widely interpreted as shading Taylor following the news of her donation. (x)

Taylor is papped arriving at and leaving Milk Studios, a photography studio in NYC. (x) I think this was when they shot her Vogue cover (she wore a wig for the cover shoot and only bleached her actual hair in April when the magazine came out).

Feb 23rd - Kanye brings up the Famous controversy while onstage at 1 OAK nightclub in LA. He claims Taylor said “Ooh Kanye, I like that line!” when he told her about the line 'I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex.' “Then she won her award and said something completely different! She not cool no more. She had two seconds to be cool and she fucked it up.” (x)

Feb 24th - Taylor and Jack Antonoff go for dinner at the Maia restaurant in LA. (x)

Feb 28th - Taylor attends the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty in LA. (x) She is photographed with Lorde and Austin.

Intro // February // March // April // May // June // July // August // September // October // November

[jessconrad]

Fine Line by Harry Styles: The Sunshine We Needed Through A Very Dreary Year

Or An Album Review (One Year Later)

On December 13, 2019, Harry Styles graced the world with his second studio album, Fine Line, and I don’t think it has ever left my Recently Played section on my Spotify account since its release.

I honestly don’t know how I would have survived 2020 without this album. As I reflect on everything this year had to offer, I realized this record will always shine through as it is tied to my best memories of the year.

I listened to this album a lot, with three of my five top songs from my Spotify Wrapped coming from Fine Line. (They were “Sunflower, Vol. 6″, “Golden”, and “To Be So Lonely”, respectively, if you were curious!)

I spent dull afternoons in January walking around the freshly snow covered ground on my college campus blasting “Lights Up” in my headphones. This single was released in October 2019, two months prior to the release of Fine Line, and had been a top favorite of mine with its 70s soulful style. Not to mention, the small choir of backup singers and layering synth gave me an almost nostalgic as the Christmas season started to come to an end. This song was all about finding who you are- and I was starting to figure out who I am with it.

The next month I visited Denver for a conference and I began noticing how this record was starting to become the soundtrack to my year. February’s track was “Sunflower, Vol. 6″ where I started to feel my attachment to this song. I am not sure if it was the mesmerizing lyrics, the drums, or even the Indian instrument known as a sitar that made me really hooked to this song... But as I walked through the streets of rainy Denver (which would normally make me feel very gloomy), I couldn’t help grinning from ear-to-ear as I listened to this song. It’s the feel-good musical track you listen to, in whatever mood you’re in.

Sometimes I can’t fathom how apocalyptic March felt. The beginning of March was completely normal, and I was at my peak. Looking back now, I can’t wrap my head around that I attended five live shows within one week during that month. But all good things come to an end, right? And of course suddenly, it all came crashing down. I was sent packing up my college freshman dorm and moved back home with my parents while juggling all my courses remotely. There was a song that I was always replaying though, and that was “Golden.” Arguably one of the most upbeat tracks on Fine Line, next to “Sunflower, Vol. 6,″ but the lyrics say otherwise. As the opening track, it has a very chill pop vibe, but listen closely to the lyrics. The contrast pulls at my heartstrings every. single. time.

“Cherry” and April go hand-in-hand for me. As I continued to navigate my thoughts and feelings with the pandemic, struggling with the course load of online courses, and overall the anxiousness of all the unknowns- “Cherry” was the comfort I needed. With its soft acoustic guitar, it is the perfect song for any in-your-feels playlist. And trust me when I say that the fragility of “Cherry” really helped me when I was in my feels. 

Arguably the biggest summer hit of this year was “Watermelon Sugar,” and my go-to anthem of wanting to feel any normalcy of a summer that I stayed mostly indoors for. I remember when the music video dropped in May, I was grabbing coffee with a friend and begged her to watch the video with me. We sat in her car in the middle of a park, watching the YouTube video count down to the premiere of “Watermelon Sugar”. That “this video is dedicated to touching” opening message made me laugh and realized how truly brilliant Harry’s mind is. The warm, very enjoyable tune made this the perfect summer anthem with its really good electric guitar and slide guitar mixed with the horn. It’s the one song that will stay in your head for weeks.

Another song that feels like summer to me is “Canyon Moon.” In the end of June, I went ‘glamping’ (otherwise known as glamorous camping, we stayed in a very nice tiny house in the middle of the most wooded area that Nebraska could get) with my family. It’s a very upbeat song with a nostalgic feel, and the fun instrument rhythms can’t help but make you beam. The song also experiments with a dulcimer; a musical instrument with a long rounded body and a fretted fingerboard played by bowing, plucking, and strumming. I think this is what makes the song more upbeat and happy, especially the beginning as well as the slide guitar giving it unique sounds throughout. It personally is one of my least favorites on the album, but it does make me think of warm summer days and spending time with family every time I do listen to it.

July was starting to feel a little rough for me again. I was really getting tired of staying indoors and barely seeing any of my friends. I was really longing to go back to school and being around my people again. “To Be So Lonely” was a song that felt like it really understood me. Harry revealed in an interview with Rolling Stone that the song was composed on a guitalele, which resembles the sound of guitar, for that light and upbeat tone that the chords give off, backing the lyrics. It’s the perfect song you listen to when you’re sad, and you’re ready to push past it. And I knew that I was ready to push past my sadness because I had one more month until I was surrounded in community.

“Adore You” was the second single of Fine Line that was released. This song is filled with so much love and passion- and it was the same immense feelings I had in August when I got ready to move back to my college town and see all my friends again. As I packed my bags and moved into my sorority house, I constantly played this song. What can I say? This was a really great song to vibe with, especially with the opening keyboard and the consistent bass that you cannot help but groove to!

Out of all the months of this year, surprisingly September was one of my darkest. With only two weeks living into my sorority house, I made the decision to move out for the safety of mine and my family’s health. I moved back in with my parents again during this month, and I felt completely lost. “Falling” had the same underlying message of being lost. This love ballad displays a theme of brokenness and creates a tone of unhappiness- the perfect song for a post-breakup or an in-your-feels playlist. I had this song on repeat more times than I can count- the soft piano setting a broken and lonely tone. 

The beginning of October began to really turn around for me. I moved into an apartment with one of my best friends and I was back in my college town. I was starting to find community again and “Treat People With Kindness” became this month’s anthem. Coined after Harry’s Treat People With Kindness (TPWK) campaign, this song has a 1970s sound and makes you want to dance along with the catchy choir lyrics such as “Maybe we can/Find a place to feel good/And we can treat people with kindness”. The lyrics were very prevalent in my life, especially with the amping news of the presidential election and the continuation of the pandemic. This song was the best reminder to be kind to myself, and those around me. And let’s not forget the conga sound throughout! I believe Queen would have been very proud of this underrated track.

The timeless mature sound of “She” could have not fit November anymore. I celebrated my twentieth birthday this month (which of course included a Harry Styles themed birthday party with my roommate and some close friends). The guitar kicking in at the chorus giving so much emotion to Harry’s voice, and that’s exactly how I felt around my birthday. Lots of emotions. Not to mention, the guitar solo played by Mitch Rowland sounds like it could have been something that was released years ago, with a little modern touch. It’s growing to be one of my personal favorites on the album.

Lastly, we get to December and I felt as if this year was the longest year of my life (but also flown by way too quick). The song that resonated with me most this month was “Fine Line,” the last track of the album (and the longest at 6 minutes and 16 seconds). My favorite memories in December consist of driving around with my friend, looking at all the Christmas lights as we drink hot cocoa and blast “Fine Line”- singing our hearts out to the repetitive lyrics of “we’ll be fine line” and “we’ll be alright.” Harry discussed in an interview with Capital FM that this song would always be the last on the album, and how fitting that I resonated with this song most in the last month of the year. “Fine Line” represents the ups and downs of life, and the thin line that separates the two. This song that includes an orchestra, drums, horn, acoustic guitar, and melodies building in the background, it could not be the most perfect finale to the album- and to the year 2020.

Today is December 13, 2020- exactly one year after Fine Line has been released. Since then, Harry Styles has made headlines from petty to political. He has shown up for Black Lives Matter, cared for our sleeping habits by releasing an audio bedtime story, made us feel confident in wearing whatever we want as he appeared as the first solo male on American Vogue- all while accomplishing some of his greatest achievements with this album: releasing five music videos, being nominated for three Grammys, and climbing the music charts and catching the hearts of critics. 

But Harry accomplished something even greater- he made an album that made us feel good when it was nearly impossible to. To put it frankly- Fine Line was my comfort album, and I know that it was a lot of other people’s too. And as we step into the new year, with the help of this album, it does in fact feel like... we’ll be alright.

[straykidsupdate]

STRAY KIDS INSPIRE THEIR GENERATION TO PICK UP THE MIC

K-POP’S YOUNG DISRUPTORS NAVIGATE ADULTHOOD ALONGSIDE THEIR FANS

Stray Kids are fighting with their fans to determine who adores the other most. The fans started it, erupting into an impromptu chant inside Microsoft Theater in downtown Los Angeles: "We love you! We love you!," they shout, repeatedly. The sound is deafening, catching the boy band off guard. The eight members retaliate with their own impassioned chorus. "We love Stay," they respond, referencing their legions of international devotees. Both sides scream until, ultimately, Stray Kids admit defeat; they stand awkwardly onstage, apparently unsure how to receive the unrivaled adulation. Bang Chan, the Korean group's steadfast leader, looks around the venue in awe, while sensible vocalist Seungmin makes a heart with his hands and points to the crowd, resolved to have the last word.

This is not the first time Stray Kids has lost the battle of who-loves-who. It’s happened in cities across the United States, from New York to Dallas, amidst their District 9: Unlock world tour. It's canon, chiseled into the group's short but colorful history, alongside such viral moments as "Seungmin in the building" and "I'm not gonna leave you behind." Displays of affection between idols and fans are nothing new but, with Stray Kids, they’re never forced.

"It doesn't matter how old you are," Bang Chan tells the crowd mid-show, intensity building with every word. "It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, or whoever you choose to be. It doesn't matter where you're from — everyone is welcome in our special district."

Two weeks prior to this performance, Stray Kids — Bang Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N — are gazing from a conference room in a Times Square skyscraper. The sky is gray, but that doesn't deter Hyunjin from posing for a series of selfies against the floor-to-ceiling window. As the lithe dancer works his angles, his bandmates are scattered throughout the room. Han props his phone against the room’s A/V controls to watch an anime; Bang Chan hunches over his own phone, thumbing the screen intently; Lee Know rests his eyes; and Australia-born Felix gossips about last night's Grammy Awards. Like any teen, he's obsessed with Billie Eilish, and her historic Grammys sweep is hard for him to fathom. "Can you believe it?" he says, eyes wide and sparkling. "She's only 18. It's amazing."

But at 19, the deep-voiced rapper, whose delicate features betray his cherry-red hair, has similarly found success at a young age. Within a year of their 2018 debut, Stray Kids received 11 rookie awards and released five EPs. In fact, while Eilish and her brother Finneas were crafting homemade beats in a Highland Park bedroom, JYP Entertainment's tenacious boy wonders were honing their own unique sound in a small studio in Seoul, South Korea. Members Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han comprise the group's primary production trio, 3RACHA, and they've been making music together since their trainee days in 2017. Introspective early tracks like "Start Line" and "Runner's High" laid the foundation for Stray Kids' sonic identity: With the disruptive power of punk, they deliver astute, poignant lyrics about the bristly experience of growing up and its side effects.

"The things we worry about and the things Stay worry about — we share a lot of the same struggles," Han tells MTV News. "Even though our ambitions are different, we work hard just the same. It becomes our inspiration musically." As the creative force behind two of the group's more vulnerable cuts, "19" and "Sunshine," the 19-year-old rapper reveals his innermost thoughts and anxieties to the fans. But that honesty can be frightening.

"It's nerve-racking for us," Bang Chan says. "Sometimes we think, 'If we talk about this, will people understand? Will they relate?' We're always thinking about how we can reach people through our lyrics because we want our music to help."

That empathy has been woven throughout their music from the beginning. Stray Kids’ first singles, the pre-debut track "Hellevator" and the darkly riotous "District 9," are full of angst and aggression, soundtracks for those who balk at societal pressures and follow their own rules. "My Pace" is an empowering anthem teeming with energy and affirmations. ("Don't compare yourself with others," Bang Chan sings on the hook. "It's OK to run slower.") Songs like "Voices" and "Side Effects" offer an intimate glimpse into the tumultuous mind of a young person still figuring out their place in the world, while "Miroh" and "Victory Song" are bursting with big sounds and youthful bravado.

"Young people today may feel a bit trapped, like you're constantly being told what to do and you feel like you can't speak for yourself," Bang Chan says. "So we want people our age to feel comfortable speaking out and talking about what they think."

By encouraging their fans to examine their own growing pains, to feel everything, they ensure that their message is never didactic. "All strayed steps come together to make a new road," they say at their concert. And with their latest release, "Levanter," off their sixth EP Clé: Levanter, Stray Kids come to the understanding that the journey is more meaningful than the destination, and the path ahead is ultimately theirs to define. So they double knot their shoelaces and dash full-speed ahead. "We might not know what the actual goal is, but as long as we're running hard and we're running as a group, whatever comes is going to be good anyway," Bang Chan says. "We just wish that a lot of people out there could listen to our music and get a lot of energy and hope from it."

Like 25-year-old Selina, who connects to their lyrics because she's "still on that journey of figuring out what I want to do and who I want to be," she says, clutching her Stray Kids light stick (a compass, now featuring Bang Chan's name written on the handle) outside of Microsoft Theater. Her friend Joseline, 18, likes that the members "have other priorities and interests outside of being a K-pop idol" that they reveal through daily Instagram posts, livestreams on the V Live app, TikToks, and weekly YouTube videos and vlogs. "He's not just Han from Stray Kids, he's Han Jisung — rapper, producer, and person," she adds.

For Kambree, 17, the group has a "positive vibe" that makes her feel happy and accepted. "They make us feel like family, no matter who you are or what you look like," she adds. Her best friend Lexxie, 17, says Stray Kids "make me feel like I'm not alone with my issues." And So Yun, 30, finds their mix of "hard-hitting EDM" and "super angsty" lyrics reminiscent of the emo bands she listened to in high school. "It's the same rebellious spirit that I felt as a teen when you want to be your own person and figure out your own voice."

Their music has given Louis, 30, a newfound perspective. "I like the ['Levanter'] lyric, 'I want to be myself, I don't care' — that line resonates with me because we live in a society where people try to mold you, but at the same time, I just want to myself and at this point, I really don't care!"

Best friends Ella and Jazlynn, both 19, met online through their mutual love of Stray Kids, and they've customized their light sticks with glitters and holographic stickers of their favorite members' names. "Half of the group is technically my age, so I can look at them and see how successful they are, and it gives me inspiration to work harder," Jazlynn says, an I.N banner at her side. And while they do feel comforted by the authenticity in the group's songs, as Ella explains, it's who they are off-stage that many fans connect with most. "When you see Felix do the Renegade, it's like, 'I do that too!'"

Their ability to ignite the stage with powerful performances while staying true to themselves behind the scenes — as both K-pop's reigning meme kings and young men navigating adulthood — is what makes Stray Kids so relatable to a generation that experiences much of their lives online. "This generation is comfortable being alone," Changbin says. "We have our phones. We don't always need to be talking to each other to be together. Sometimes a text is fine."

And they're pretty normal, too. Bang Chan and Changbin watch videos from Tomorrowland and Ultra Music Festival to help clear their minds in the studio; the tracks "Road Not Taken" and "Stop" are the direct results of such self-care. Han's idea of a perfect day would be to "not come out of my room for 24 hours." If he could spend all day watching YouTube videos, he would. In fact, he says "Sunshine" was inspired by a scene in the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers, where the main characters travel to an idyllic private island. Though Han’s larger-than-life presence dominates the stage, he identifies as an introvert and admits he hopes to "overcome" his shyness. "On my ideal perfect day, I'd try new experiences and meet new people comfortably," he says. "You can do it!" Bang Chan adds, encouragingly.

Youngest member I.N makes time to go shopping, though he prefers to "chill" on his days off. And when Felix isn't playing video games or destroying kitchens with Seungmin, he frequents Seoul's finest dog cafes. "We have so many dog lovers in our group," he says, smiling. "I've been looking at a lot of dogs, and I feel like they help you feel better. I really want a dog with the team." Jisung points at Seungmin, whose nickname is "puppy," and Bang Chan adds, "We already have one." Seungmin scrunches his nose and says, "No way!" (But Han insists he's a "really bad boy.")

Meanwhile, Hyunjin, who’s known by fans for his theatrics and commanding stage presence is extremely open with his emotions. He frequents V Live, where he offers personal advice to viewers of his video series Hyunjin’s Counseling Center. But the 19-year-old admits that opening up to Stay has helped him, too. "I don't always have a lot of confidence," he says. “When I want to be comforted or when I’m feeling kind of sad, Stay are really good at consoling me. I want to be able to repay that comfort in full."

"The connection between Stay and Stray Kids would be family," Felix adds. Han jokes that they're the "annoying and mischievous" little brothers. But it's that sense of connection, among the group as well as with their fans, that has cemented Stray Kids as the vital voices of their generation.

"The struggles we're going through — anxiety, stress, school, love — they tell us to take our time and see where our path leads," Selina says. "It's OK to stray from it. Just stay true to yourself. I always associate that with them. The idea of 'You Make Stray Kids Stay' is to find out what it is that grounds you and just keep going."

And Stray Kids don't plan to slow down any time soon. Having wrapped their Clé series at the end of last year with Levanter, 2020 offers an exciting fresh page for new musical experimentations, starting with the three original unit songs the group produced for the tour. "Wow" is a sexy R&B track from dancers Lee Know, Hyunjin, and Felix. It's also their first explicit love song. "We wanted to try a sexy song because it's a special stage," Hyunjin says, explaining that the dancers worked on their own lyrics in addition to helping with the slinky choreography. "We wanted to include moves that we haven't tried before," Lee Know adds, noting that they wanted something sexy and powerful. "So it was a new experience."

"My Universe," featuring vocalists Seungmin and I.N with an assist from Changbin, is a bright pop ballad. "I always wanted to try something like that," I.N says, eyes smiling. Seungmin tells Changbin from across the table, "Thanks for helping." And 3RACHA's "We Go" oozes confidence over a scorching trap beat. "We made 'We Go' last time we were here [in the United States]," Bang Chan says. "We made around three to four songs in one day… The performance is really fun as well. And those two [he points to Han and Changbin] got to have the chance to use Autotune live."

They also released their first English singles in January, a process that rapper Changbin, known for his furious flow, calls "difficult." ("It was fun," Hyunjin argues beside him.) "I was listening to Changbin's rap [in 'Double Knot'] like, 'Why is this so fast? What am I going to write?'" Bang Chan says. "I tried to write it as easy as possible so that he could speak it well. I'm really glad that they could record it really well for me."

In March, they'll debut in Japan. And there's another mixtape project in the works, kicked off by the digital release of "Gone Days," a relaxed, Autotune-laced anthem for the "OK Boomer" generation. A play on the Korean word kkondae, it describes someone who pushes outdated ideas and expectations onto another based only on their age and status — and signals the arrival of a bold new direction. "I think [young people] now just need to be more comfortable with themselves," Bang Chan says of his inspiration for the track. "By being yourself, you never know what's going to happen."

"I always believe that one person can change the world," he adds. "So if you have a thought or an idea, just let it out. Because who knows? You can make the world a much better place."

[iwanthermidnightz]

“Not a shot. Not a single chance. Not a snowball’s chance in hell.”

Taylor Swift — who, at 30, has reached a Zen state of cheerful realism — laughs as she leans into a pillow she’s placed over her crossed legs inside her suite at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, leaning further still into her infinitesimal odds of winning a Golden Globe, which will zero out when she heads down to the televised ball in a few hours.

Never mind whether or not the tune she co-wrote, “Beautiful Ghosts,” might actually have been worthy of a trophy for best original song (or shortlisted for an Oscar, which it was not). Since the Globe nominations were revealed, voters could hardly have been immune to how quickly the film it’s a part of, “Cats,” in which she also co-stars, became a whipping boy for jokes about costly Hollywood miscalculations and creative disasters. Not that you’ll hear Swift utter a discouraging word about it all. “I’m happy to be here, happy to be nominated, and I had a really great time working on that weird-ass movie,” she declares. “I’m not gonna retroactively decide that it wasn’t the best experience. I never would have met Andrew Lloyd Webber or gotten to see how he works, and now he’s my buddy. I got to work with the sickest dancers and performers. No complaints.”

If this leads you to believe that the pop superstar is in the business of sugarcoating things, consider her other new movie — a vastly more significant documentary that presents Swift not just sans digital fur but without a whole lot of the varnish of the celebrity-industrial complex. The Netflix-produced “Taylor Swift: Miss Americana” has a prestige slot as the Jan. 23 opening night gala premiere of the Sundance Film Festival before it reaches the world as a day-and-date theatrical release and potential streaming monster on Jan. 31.

The doc spends much of its opening act juxtaposing the joys of creation with the aggravations of global stardom — the grist of many a pop doc, if rendered in especially intimate detail — before taking a more provocative turn in its last reel to focus more tightly on how and why Swift became a political animal. It’s the story of an earnest young woman with a self-described “good girl” fixation working through her last remaining fears of being shamed as she comes to embrace her claws, and her causes.

Given that the film portrays how gradually, and sometimes reluctantly, Swift came to place herself into service as a social commentator, “Miss Americana” is a portrait of the birth of an activist. Director Lana Wilson sets the movie up so that it pivots on a couple of big letdowns for its subject. The first comes early in the film, and early in the morning, when Swift’s publicist calls to update her on how many of the top three Grammy categories her 2017 album “Reputation” is nominated for: zilch. She’s clearly bummed about the record’s brushoff by the awards’ nominating committee, as just about anyone who’d previously won album of the year twice would be, and determinedly tells her rep that she’s just going to make a better record.

But she suffers what feels like a more meaningful blow toward the end of the film. In the fall of 2018, Swift finally comes out of the closet politically to intervene on behalf of Democrats in a midterm election in her home state of Tennessee. As the Washington Post put it, this announcement “fell like a hammer across the Trump-worshipping subforums of the far-right Internet, where people had convinced themselves… that the world-famous pop star was a secret MAGA fan.” Donald Trump goes on camera to smirk that he now likes Swift’s music a little less. The singer is successful in enlisting tens of thousands of young people to register to vote, but her senatorial candidate of choice, Democrat Phil Bredesen, loses to Republican Marsha Blackburn, whom she’d called out as a flagrant enemy of feminism and gay rights.

“Definitely, that was a bigger disappointment for me,” Swift says, pitting the midterm snub against the Grammy snub. “I think what’s going on out in the world is bigger than who gets a prize at the party.”

It was not always thus for Swift — as the detractors who dragged her for staying quiet during the last presidential election eagerly pointed out. If you had to pick the most embarrassing or regrettable moment in “Miss Americana,” it might be the TV clip from “The Late Show With David Letterman” in which the host brings up politics and gets Swift to essentially advocate the “Shut up and sing” mantra. As the studio audience roars approval of her vow to stay apolitical, Letterman gives her what now looks like history’s most dated fist bump.

Thinking back on it, Swift is incredulous. “Every time I didn’t speak up about politics as a young person, I was applauded for it,” she says. “It was wild. I said, ‘I’m a 22-year-old girl — people don’t want to hear what I have to say about politics.’ And people would just be like, ‘Yeahhhhh!’”

At that point, Swift was already starting to record isolated pop tracks, taking baby steps that would soon turn into full strides away from her initial genre. But whether she had designs on switching lanes or not, the lesson of the Dixie Chicks’ forced exile after Natalie Maines’ comment against then-President George W. Bush had branded itself onto her brain at an earlier age, when she’d just planted her young-teen flag in Nashville and overheard a lot of the lamentations of older Music Row songwriters about how the Chicks had thrown it all away.

“I saw how one comment ended such a powerful reign, and it terrified me,” says Swift. “These days, with social media, people can be so mad about something one day and then forget what they were mad about a couple weeks later. That’s fake outrage. But what happened to the Dixie Chicks was real outrage. I registered it — that you’re always one comment away from being done being able to make music.”

Maybe the most transfixing scene in “Miss Americana” is one where Swift argues with her father and other members of her team about the statement she’s about to release coming out against Blackburn and — it’s clear from her references to White House opposition to the Equality Act — Donald Trump too. The comments were so spontaneous that Wilson wasn’t there to film the moment, but the director had asked people to turn on the camera if anything interesting transpired, and here it most certainly did.

“For 12 years, we’ve not got involved in politics or religion,” an unnamed associate says to Swift, suggesting that going down the road of standing against a president as well as Republican gubernatorial and Senate candidates could have the effect of halving her audience on tour. Her father chimes in: “I’ve read the entire [statement] and … right now, I’m terrified. I’m the guy that went out and bought armored cars.”

“I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bullshit rather than just smiling my way through it.” TAYLOR SWIFT

But Swift is adamant about pressing the button to send a nearly internet-breaking Instagram post, saying that Blackburn has voted against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act as well as LGBTQ-friendly bills: “I can’t see another commercial [with] her disguising these policies behind the words ‘Tennessee Christian values.’ I live in Tennessee. I am Christian. That’s not what we stand for.” Pushing back tears, she laments not having come out against Trump two years earlier, “but I can’t change that. … I need to be on the right side of history. … Dad, I need you to forgive me for doing it, because I’m doing it.”

Says Swift now, “This was a situation where, from a humanity perspective, and from what my moral compass was telling me I needed to do, I knew I was right, and I really didn’t care about repercussions.” She understands why she faced such heated opposition in the room: “My dad is terrified of threats against my safety and my life, and he has to see how many stalkers we deal with on a daily basis, and know that this is his kid. It’s where he comes from.”

Swift was recently announced as the recipient of a Vanguard Award from GLAAD, and she name-checked the org in her basher-bashing single “You Need to Calm Down,” which was released as one of the teaser tracks for last fall’s more outwardly directed and socially conscious “Lover” album. Part of her politicization, she says, is feeling it would be hypocritical to hang out with her gay friends while leaving them to their own devices politically. In the film, she says, “I think it is so frilly and spineless of me to stand onstage and go ‘Happy Pride Month, you guys,’ and then not say this, when someone’s literally coming for their neck.”

A year and a half later, she elaborates: “To celebrate but not advocate felt wrong for me. Using my voice to try to advocate was the only choice to make. Because I’ve talked about equality and sung about it in songs like ‘Welcome to New York,’ but we are at a point where human rights are being violated. When you’re saying that certain people can be kicked out of a restaurant because of who they love or how they identify, and these are actual policies that certain politicians vocally stand behind, and they disguise them as family values, that is sinister. So, so dark.”

Her increasing alignment with the LGBTQ community wasn’t the only thing raising her consciousness to a breaking — i.e., speaking — point. So did the sexual assault trial in which judgment was rendered that she had been groped by a DJ in a backstage photo op (for financial restitution, Swift had asked for $1).

Her experience with the trial was crucial, she says, in finding herself “needing to speak up about beliefs I’d always had, because it felt like an opportunity to shed light on what those trials are like. I experienced it as a person with extreme privilege, so I can only imagine what it’s like when you don’t have that. And I think one theme that ended up emerging in the film is what happens when you are not just a people pleaser but someone who’s always been respectful of authority figures, doing what you were supposed to do, being polite at all costs. I still think it’s important to be polite, but not at all costs,” she says. “Not when you’re being pushed beyond your limits, and not when people are walking all over you. I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bulls— rather than just smiling my way through it.”

That came into play when Kanye West stepped into her life and publicly shamed her a second time. In the video Kim Kardashian released in 2016, you can hear the people-pleasing Swift on the other end of the line sheepishly thanking him for letting her know about the “Me and Taylor might still have sex” line he plans to include about her in a song — only to regret it later when the eventual track also includes the claim “Why? I made that bitch famous.” The boast, of course, referred back to the moment when he interrupted her and stole her spotlight at the MTV VMAs six years earlier as she was in the middle of an acceptance speech. West’s is not a name that ever publicly escapes Swift’s lips, so it might be surprising to fans that these events are recapped in “Miss Americana,” although Swift says the filmic decisions were all up to the director, who explains that Swift’s reaction to the episode was important to include.

“With the 2009 VMAs, it surprised me that when she talked about how the whole crowd was booing, she thought that they were booing her, and how devastating that was,” says Wilson. “That was something I hadn’t thought about or heard before, and made it much more relatable and understandable to anyone.”

“I see the movie as looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart.” LANA WILSON, DIRECTOR OF “TAYLOR SWIFT: MISS AMERICANA”

Swift acknowledges how formative both incidents have been in her life, for ill and good. “As a teenager who had only been in country music, attending my very first pop awards show,” she says now, “somebody stood up and sent me the message: ‘You are not respected here. You shouldn’t be here on this stage.’ That message was received, and it burrowed into my psyche more than anyone knew. … That can push you one of two ways: I could have just curled up and decided I’m never going to one of those events ever again, or it could make me work harder than anyone expects me to, and try things no one expected, and crave that respect — and hopefully one day get it.

“But then when that person who sparked all of those feelings comes back into your life, as he did in 2015, and I felt like I finally got that respect (from West), but then soon realized that for him it was about him creating some revisionist history where he was right all along, and it was correct, right and decent for him to get up and do that to a teenage girl…” She sighs. “I understand why Lana put it in.”

Adds the woman who started her recent “Lover” album with a West-allusive romp that’s pointedly called “I Forgot That You Existed”: “I don’t think too hard about this stuff now.”

What’s not in the film is any mention of her other most famous nemeses — Scooter Braun and Scott Borchetta of Big Machine Records, with whom she’s scrapped publicly for several months. “The Big Machine stuff happened pretty late in our process,” says Wilson. “We weren’t that far from picture lock. But there’s also not much to say that isn’t publicly known. I feel like Taylor’s put the story out there in her own words already, and it’s been widely covered. I was interested in telling the story that hadn’t been told before, that would be surprising and emotionally powerful to audiences whether they were music industry people or not.”

Still, the way Swift has been willing to stand up politically for others parallels the manner in which she stood up for herself in regard to Braun, et al., at the recent Billboard Women in Music Awards, where she gave an altogether blistering speech, naming names and taking no prisoners, going after the men who now control her six-album Big Machine back catalog. Certainly Swift was aware that, along with supporters, there were many friends and business associates of Braun among the VIPs in the Hollywood Palladium who would not be pleased with what this very reformed people-pleaser had to say.

One thing everyone who was in the room agrees on is that you could hear a pin drop as Swift used the speech to get even bolder about the meat of these disputes. Some would say it’s because they were riveted by her boldness in speaking truth to power, others because they just felt uncomfortable. Says one fellow honoree who works in a high position in the industry (and who’s worked with some high-profile Braun clients): “People were excited for her at the beginning of the speech. But once she started going in a negative direction at an event that is supposed to be celebrating accomplishments and rah-rah for women, I felt it fell flat with a good portion of the room, because it wasn’t the appropriate place to be saying it.”

Wasn’t it intimidating for Swift, knowing she might be polarizing an auditorium full of the most powerful people in the business? “Well, I do sleep well at night knowing that I’m right,” she responds, “and knowing that in 10 years it will have been a good thing that I spoke about artists’ rights to their art, and that we bring up conversations like: Should record deals maybe be for a shorter term, or how are we really helping artists if we’re not giving them the first right of refusal to purchase their work if they want to?”

“Obviously, anytime you’re standing up against or for anything, you’re never going to receive unanimous praise. But that’s what forces you to be brave. And that’s what’s different about the way I live my life now.” (Braun’s camp did not respond to a request for comment.)

One thing Taylor Swift can’t bend to her determined will is her family’s health. She revealed a few years ago that her mother, Andrea, a beloved figure among the thousands of fans who’ve met her at road shows, is battling breast cancer. Swift addressed the uncertainty of that struggle in an anguished song on her latest album, “Soon You’ll Get Better.” Many who view “Miss Americana” will look for signs of how her mom is doing. The subject comes up in a section of the film that includes a relatively light-hearted scene in in which it’s shown that one of Andrea Swift’s ways of saying “eff you” to cancer recently was to break the mold and bring a canine — her “cancer dog” — into a famously feline-friendly family.

The real answer may come in Swift’s touring activity for “Lover.” Whereas typically she’d spend nine months in the year after an album release on the road, she plans to limit herself to four stadium dates in America this summer and a trip around the festival circuit in Europe. This may not be 100% for personal reasons: “I wanted to be able to perform in places that I hadn’t performed in as much, and to do things I hadn’t done before, like Glastonbury,” she says. “I feel like I haven’t done festivals, really, since early in my career — they’re fun and bring people together in a really cool way. But I also wanted to be able to work as much as I can handle right now, with everything that’s going on at home. And I wanted to figure out a way that I could do both those things.”

Is being able to be there for her mother the main concern? “Yeah, that’s it. That’s the reason,” she says. “I mean, we don’t know what is going to happen. We don’t know what treatment we’re going to choose. It just was the decision to make at the time, for right now, for what’s going on.”

In her case, it’s as if her manager had taken seriously ill as well as the person she’s always been closest to, all at once. “Everyone loves their mom; everyone’s got an important mom,” she allows. “But for me, she’s really the guiding force. Almost every decision I make, I talk to her about it first. So obviously it was a really big deal to ever speak about her illness.” During filming, when Andrea’s breast cancer had returned for a second time, “she was going through chemo, and that’s a hard enough thing for a person to go through.” Then it got harder. Speaking about this latest development publicly for the first time, Swift quietly reveals: “While she was going through treatment, they found a brain tumor. And the symptoms of what a person goes through when they have a brain tumor is nothing like what we’ve ever been through with her cancer before. So it’s just been a really hard time for us as a family.”

Compared with that, nearly any other topic the movie might address would pale. But it finds weightiness in addressing other kinds of unhealthiness, like the physical expectations that are placed on women in general and celebrity women specifically, Swift being no exception. In this department, she has her own heroines. “I love people like Jameela Jamil, because he way she speaks about body image, it’s almost like she speaks in a hook. Women are held to such a ridiculous standard of beauty, and we’re seeing so much on social media that makes us feel like we are less than, or we’re not what we should be, that you kind of need a mantra to repeat in your head when you start to have unhealthy thoughts. I swear the way Jameela speaks is like lyrics — it gets stuck in my head and it calms me down.”

Swift’s collaborator in this messaging, Wilson, was on a list of potential directors Netflix gave her when she expressed interest in possibly doing a documentary to follow the concert special that premiered on the service just over a year ago. You could discern a feminist message, if you chose to, in the fact that Swift chose a director most well known for a documentary about abortion providers, “After Tiller.” Swift says she was most impressed, though, that Wilson’s docs look for nuance and subtlety in addressing subjects that do lend themselves to soapboxes, and their first conversation was about their mutual desire to avoid “propaganda” in any form.

If there’s a feminist agenda in “Miss Americana,” Wilson and Swift wanted it to emerge naturally, although the director admits it was pretty blatant from the outset, given that she set up the film (which is co-produced by Morgan Neville, the director’s “sounding board”) with an all-female crew. Or nearly all-female, says Wilson, laughing, “I will say that we did always have male production assistants, because I like trying to show people that men can fetch coffee for women.”

Adds Wilson, “When I started filming, it was before she’d come out politically. She knew that she was coming out of a very dark period, and wanted collaborate on something that captured what she was going through and that was really raw and honest and emotionally intimate.” The political awakening, the director says, “was a profound decision for her to make. In that, I saw this feminist coming of age story that I personally connected with, and that I really think women and girls around the world will see themselves in.”

“The bigger your career gets, the more you struggle with the idea that a lot of people see you the same way they see an iPhone or a Starbucks.” TAYLOR SWIFT

The film borrows its title from a song on the “Lover” album, “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince,” that’s maybe the one fully allegorical song Swift has ever released — and, in its fashion, is a great protest song. The entire lyric is a metaphor for how Swift grew up as an unblinking patriot and has had to reluctantly leave behind her naiveté in the age of Trump. Her partner on that track, as well as other message songs like “You Need to Calm Down” and “The Man,” was a co-writer and co-producer new to her stable of collaborators this time around, Joel Little.

With the song “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince,” although the lyrics are cloaked in metaphor, “We like to think it was a very clear statement,” Little says. “There are lots of little hidden messages within that song that are all pointing toward the way that she thinks and feels about politics and the United States. I love that it uses a lot of classic Taylor Swift imagery, in terms of the songwriting topics of high school and cheerleaders, as a clever nod to what she’s done in the past, but tied in with a heavy political message.”

“Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince” doesn’t actually appear in the documentary, but the director says the film’s title is understood by fans as an obvious reference to political themes in the number. “Even if you don’t know the song,” Wilson says, “I see the movie as looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart, so I like how the title evokes that too.”

The doc doesn’t lack for its own protest songs though. In the wake of her midterm disappointment, Swift is seen writing an anthem for millennials who might have come away disillusioned with the political process. That previously unheard song, “Only the Young,” is seen being demo-ed before it plays in full over the end credits; it’ll be released as a digital single in conjunction with the doc. Key lyric: ““You did all that you could do / The game was rigged, the ref got tricked/ The wrong ones think they’re right / We were outnumbered — this time.”

“One thing I think is amazing about her,” says Wilson, “is that she goes to the studio and to songwriting as a place to process what she’s going through. I loved how, when she got the Grammy news (about “Reputation”), this isn’t someone who’s going to feel sorry for herself or say ‘That wasn’t right.’ She’s like, ‘Okay, I’m going to work even harder.’ You see her strength of character in that moment when she gets that news. And then with the election results, I loved how she channeled so many of her thoughts and feelings into ‘Only the Young.’ It was a great way to kind of show how stuff that happens in her life goes directly into the songs; you get to witness that in both cases.

So is the film aimed at satisfying the fan base or teasing the unconvinced hordes who might dial it up as a free stream? “I think it’s a little bit of both,” Swift says. “I chose Netflix because it’s a very vast, accessible medium to people who are just like, ‘Hey, what’s this? I’m bored.’ I love that, because I do so many things that cater specifically to fans that like my music, I think it’s important to put yourself out there to people who don’t care at all about you.”

In the wake of the last round of Kanye-gate, stung by the backlash of those who took his side, Swift took a three-year break from interviews. The mantra of her 2017 album “Reputation” and subsequent tour was “No explanations.” But her Beyoncé-style press blackout was a passing phase. With “Lover” and now, especially, the documentary, she could hardly be more about the explanations. Although this interview is the only one she currently plans to do about the documentary, it’s clear that she’s come back into a season of openness, and that she considers it her natural habitat.

“I really like the whole discussion around music. And during ‘Reputation,’ it never felt like it was ever going to be about music, no matter what I said or did,” she says. “I approach albums differently, in how I want to show them to the world or what I feel comfortable with at that time in my life.” Being more transparent “feels great with this album. I really feel like I could just keep making stuff — it’s that vibe right now. I don’t think I’ve ever written this much. That’s exhibited in ‘Lover’ having the most songs that I’ve ever had on an album” (18, to be exact). “But even after I made the album, I kept writing and going in the studio. That’s a new thing I’ve experienced this time around. That openness kind of feels like you finally got the lid off a jar you’ve been working at for years.”

Cipher-dom never could have stood for long for someone who’s established herself as one of the most accomplished confessional singer-songwriters in pop history. “I don’t really operate very well as an enigma,” she says. “It’s not fulfilling to me. It works really well in a lot of pop careers, but I think that it makes me feel completely unable to do what I had gotten in this to do, which is to communicate to people. I live for the feeling of standing on a stage and saying, ‘I feel this way,’ and the crowd responding with ‘We do too!’ And me being like, ‘Really?’ And they’re like, ‘Yes!’”

Swift believes talking things up again isn’t a form of giving in to narcissism — it’s a way of warding off commodification.

“The bigger your career gets, the more you struggle with the idea that a lot of people see you the same way they see an iPhone or a Starbucks,” she muses. “They’ve been inundated with your name in the media, and you become a brand. That’s inevitable for me, but I do think that it’s really necessary to feel like I can still communicate with people. And as a songwriter, it’s really important to still feel human and process things in a human way. The through line of all that is humanity, and reaching out and talking to people and having them see things that aren’t cute.

[zankivich]

The Arrangement: CEO’s Son/Dom!Shawn x Black Sub Reader Chapter 8

a/n: I hope you didn’t think I’d make it quite so easy. A little pull and tug is worth it sometimes ya know? idk how much longer I’ll be around. Most people don’t engage with the fics anymore and Shawn isn’t really the Shawn I fell in love with anymore. Life just kind of sucks at the moment. But I’ve got this chapter already written so I thought I’d post it. If you liked it and actually want it to continue? I might recommend letting me know tbh. Bye. 

Shawn’s point of view

The problem with taking a woman to Rome on the first date is that anything after that just seems silly. What exactly was he to do now? Invite her over to his apartment for sushi? Even he would walk out on that date! It didn’t help that the second they got back to New York, after a very long winded kiss goodbye, that she’d jumped right into preparation for the VMAs. That essentially meant he wasn’t going to see her for days, maybe weeks. VMA season sparked award season in general for the music industry. It might not exactly give an indication of Grammys, but with the award show always arriving right as the ellibility period for the more prestigious honor was ending, it meant that the VMAS was the beginning of the long haul to get your artist at the top of the charts and fucking keep them there. Which also meant that just like she was busy, so was he. The difference was she actually liked her job. And he had...oh how he hated his.

He’s sitting in a marketing meeting for Sarah Leone. Sarah Leone is his dad’s bid for best new artist of the year. Forget the fact that y/n had her secret weapon of Normani and Khalid on one management team, and that he sort of had a feeling she was going to do a solo album release directly before the grammy consideration deadline just to keep the industry on its toes, his dad was thoroughly convinced Sarah was his ticket. And in a lot of ways she was. Small town girl turned mega popstar in a little over a year, her debut album was set to make beautiful numbers. Unfortunately that wasn’t enough. His dad had a very direct line of vision and that vision was complete and total domination. So it wasn’t enough to have your music sell, he wanted his artists to be inescapable from the public eye. Enter this season’s publicity stunt: The MC.

His dad thought it was a clever way to reference Miley Cyrus. Back in the day he’d orchestrated Miley’s dating of a 20 year old when she was 16 to address her rebellious teen phase. What most people saw as a kid going off the rails, was actually a perfectly manipulated moment in pop history. Except the dick cake that lost her the walmart branding deal, that was all her unfortunately.

Sarah was supposed to be seen out and about with mysterious new “it” british singer, Ty Summers. He was 21. She turned 18 just months prior. The two had begun with a close knit friendship, and were now being guided through the early stage of good, whole-hearted, perfectly constructed, “love”. He peers down at one of the new stills for her headline of V magazine, and simply can’t believe she’s 18. The cover makes him uncomfortable, makes him feel icky. No one at the table notices. And his dad isn’t even there, because this is too low level for the kind of work he does anymore.

“Next, I want her in London for the UK press tour. We’ll have her position at Summers’ hotel for half of her stay. I want pap shots at dinner every night out of the week, and I want a prompt at the BBC interview to hint at their connection. We’ll take it from there.” Jaret, one of the senior managers rattled off. “Any questions?”

He twirled boredly in his chair far from interested in the inner workings of career management if none of it meant jack shit about what the artist actually wanted for their career. It felt like such a waste of his time.

“Quick question?” He sighed popping his pen slightly into the air.

“Yes, Mendes?”

“When does she sing?” He shrugged.

The room goes still. It’s a well known fact that Jaret runs the room. He runs the meetings, runs the decisions. He’s top dog on this particular client, and Shawn is merely there under his father’s orders as an informant and nothing more. He was there to make sure things ran smoothly, but he certainly wasn’t there to offer critique. Woops.

“And what exactly does that mean?” Jaret challenged.

Shawn simply shrugged. “Just seems like if we have a musical artist who we signed on the basis of her being able to sing, that we might at some point want that to be the focal point of her career. But you know, I could be wrong.”

“There’s just one thing wrong here Shawn...we did not sign anyone. I did. We don’t make decisions on the intricacies of her career. I do. You are simply a glorified intern. Nothing more, nothing less. And if you’re father wasn’t afraid you’d run off every two seconds I wouldn’t have to babysit your ass right now. So, why don’t you let the professionals determine next steps and play on the computer daddy bought you, or whatever it is you do?”

Ouch.

The room shifted from Jaret back to Shawn. No one went against Jaret. And yet Shawn was perhaps the most unpredictable thing about his father’s company at that point. Needless to say unpredictably was a hell of a thing.

“It must really upset you that I get paid more than you do doesn’t it?” He hummed.

Jaret’s face began to redden, his nerves tighter than his balls that Shawn had such a precarious grip on at the moment.

“Or does it upset you more that I could do your job better than you right now, today, without even the ability to hear the tonedeaf artists you sign that are just pretty enough and just old enough not to get your ass arrested?” He tilted his head in contemplation. “Perhaps it’s even that one time at the company Christmas party where your wife caught you screwing your secretary in your office and stopped crying long enough for me to make her cum before signing the divorce papers? But you’re right Jaret, I simply should just get back to daddy’s computer. My bad.”

“You little son of--”

“Big.” Shawn interrupted sliding smoothly from his chair and packing his shit up from the horrible meeting he’d had no interest in attending in the first place. “I’m big son of a bitch, Jaret. Just ask Sarah.”

Sarah of course being his wife. Ex wife of course. Ex wife number three if we’re being specific.

The door shuts close behind him to Jaret screaming and lurching across the table towards his empty chair. He’d probably hear about it from his dad later. But honestly who cared. Jaret was a creepy asshole, and he was always gonna be a creepy asshole. Sorry not sorry.

***

He’d be a little embarrassed at how aggressively he yanked at the door were it not for the hopeful look in her big brown eyes when he sees her for the first time. He can tell she’s had a long day because her hair is down out of its bun already, tiny spirals falling all around her face and cheeks. But, the way she falls into his arms is enough to make his whole entire day. Because it means that after all the shit she’d been through that day, she wanted to be with him. And that’s the only thing he cared about in the whole world.

“I missed you.” He sighed already capturing her lips in a kiss.

She hummed softly against him, fingers squeezing at his shoulders.

“Missed you too.”

He pushed the door shut with his foot, arms keeping her tucked tightly against him. He’s sure he’s smiling like a complete and total idiot but he can’t help it. It’s this new exciting thing where he no longer has to be afraid of how close he is to her, no longer has to hope he doesn’t stare too long. She knows. And not only does she know, but somehow she feels the same way. It felt like a dream.

He tugged her back towards his kitchen and helped her into a seat before he pulled out the leftovers from his own dinner where he “accidently” ordered for two.

“Tiana said you didn’t eat dinner.” He shrugged at her questioning gaze. “And this little italian place up the block always gives me more than I need.”

She bit her lip and peered from the container of chicken parm to him and back to the parm. He thought for a second she just might fight him on it. And then he remembered how much she liked to eat.

“You and Tiana conspiring against me must stop!” She snorted grabbing the fork clean from his hand to dig in.

He leaned against the granite counter with his chin propped on his hand. She was wonderful. And silly. And a little ridiculous. He kind of loved it.

“Yes, because making sure you consume more than coffee in a twelve hour period is definitely a conspiracy.”

She rolled her eyes. “Maybe so.”

“Maybe so.” He mimicked. “I missed the way you argue with me about everything. Feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

Her eyes got wide and bright and she turned a grin towards him that he practically ached to lick off. She was gorgeous.

“You missed me huh? The Shawn Mendes has fallen head first into a little monogamy moment has he?”

Sometimes he liked to think that her favorite past time was taking the piss out of him. It sure seemed that way.

He rolled his eyes back at her and butted his head softly into her neck.

“And what if I have?” He whispered softly. “You have too. Right?”

His nose skimmed along her neck and she shivered. He smiled against her skin. She’d fallen just as hard alright.

“Yea I guess so.” She mumbled.

He pulled back and pressed a kiss to her cheek before grabbing her glass to refill with water.

“You should eat up. You’re gonna need your strength.”

“Excuse me?”

He refilled her glass from the refrigerator and placed in front of her before leaning against the countertop again.

“Oh. I just meant that I plan to fuck you until the birds sing. I don’t want you getting tired on me before I’m done with you.”

His favorite past time was saying the wildest things he could come up with to her in the simplest voice possible and then watching the way it made her eyes bulge in her sockets. God he loved it.

This time she simply stuffed a breadstick in her mouth and hopped out of her seat to start taking her jacket off. It seemed she might be just as needy as he was.

“Yep! Okay. You can come get it now!”

“I’m comin’, baby.” He grinned lifting her up into his arms.

“Goddammit. Carbs and dick. It’s like my birthday or something!”

His bedroom is way too far away. They’ve gotta figure out a way to get there quicker. But he chuckles into her cleavage as he knocks them against walls to stop and kiss her. Her thighs mold to his waist, ass full in his hands. He’s stuck on her completely. And the worst part is that she knows it.

He lets her legs back down to the floor only to press her against the wall of his bedroom, lips, teeth, and tongue beginning a trail along her neck.

“You make me never wanna go back to go work ever again.” She whined, fingers tangling in his hair.

“I’d happily quit if we could stay in bed for the rest of forever.” He murmured.

“Don’t tempt me!”

Maybe he would.

“Mmmm speaking of work, how hard you gonna make my job for me this fall?” He hummed biting down on her lip to solicit a yelp that drove him crazy.

“What do you mean?” She asked, fingers already tugging at his belt.

“I’m supposed to believe Normani’s not releasing an album before awards season?”

Her fingers came to a stuttering stop, and he recognized that her kisses weren’t really kisses anymore. His eyes opened to meet hers and instead of the lust from just moments prior, there was...anger?

“What the fuck, Shawn?”

“W--What? What?” He mumbled reaching for her as she quickly stepped out of his arms.

“Why would you ask me that? Since when the hell do you care when my artists release music?”

He’s a little flustered and his dick is hard and her yelling at him when his dick is hard is only just adding to the complex array of emotions that his brain would surely need more blood to process.

“I--I don’t know! I thought that’s what couples did right? Like they--they ask each other about work and shit. What did I do?”

“Couples?” She paused, all of the steam leaving her like a deflated balloon. “Are we--we’re a couple?”

At this point he’s pretty sure she’s gonna give him a heart attack.

“I….Aren’t we?”

“I--I don’t know. I don’t know, we’ve only been on one fucking date, Shawn. And just because it was wonderful and beautiful and romantic doesn’t mean that you get to ask me questions like that. I just… Shit. I need space.”

“Space?”

His heart leapt a little in his chest. He’d said that word before. “Space”. When people said they needed space it always meant permanent. It meant separation. It meant losing her. And the effect that her words have on him is a little surprising, even though he’s not processing nearly fast enough to catch on. All he can hear, feel, think, breathe is her not wanting him. And in this moment of fragility for him he’s not quite sure how to cope.

“Wait. Just wait a second. I don’t even know what’s happening right now!” He cried his hands held up in surrender. “Let’s just talk. Let’s just talk for a second okay? Tell me what I did wrong and I’ll fix it.”

“No. I don’t want to talk to you right now. I’m going home. I--I’lll call you later.”

She sweeps right past him, her fingers re-buttoning the same buttons she had giggled when he’d undone just seconds ago. He’s so floored by what’s taking place and he’s got no idea how to fix it. How to make her happy. He just wants to make her happy. And he doesn’t want her to go.

“Y/n. Y/n, please? Alright, just talk to me.”

Her fingers slip through his when he reaches for her and just like that she’s gone. And it hurts. It hurts far more than he knows what to do with. What the fuck?

***

*Three days later*

*y/n’s point of view*

A foul mood did not begin to describe what you were in. Everyone had been steering completely clear of you and rightfully so. Anyone who dare breathe wrong in your direction would get an earful. It wasn’t your fault. You hadn’t exactly been sleeping well. Your stomach was in knots. You were stressed as hell. But, none of that was allowed to matter. You had work to do. So, everything else got placed on the backburner.

You’re in your office taking a twenty minute “get your shit together bitch” break when a knock sounds itself on your door. Tiana had been the only one with balls to knock on the door in days, so you had no doubt who it could be.

“Come in, Ti.” You sighed still leaning pathetically across your desk.

The door slides open and unless Tiana grew several feet and turned into a white man over night, it was certainly not your assistant standing there.

“Hi.” Shawn mumbled waving awkwardly in your direction.

He was in a suit again. But not one of the ones from the red carpet that would make your thighs tremble. This must be one of his work ones. It looks too restrictive on his body. He’s wearing a tie, and your fingers itch to remove it, to dishevel him back into the man that you knew.  The worst part is that even in discomfort he doesn’t look real. He looks like an ad standing there at your doorway. An absolute vision to behold. You had to remind yourself that you were angry at him.

“How did you--What are you doing here? Shawn?”

He quickly closed the door and strode over to you, at least having the good grace to keep his distance to the chair in front of your desk.

“You didn’t answer any of my calls. Which is fine I guess. I get that maybe you need space but...I really hate what’s going on between us right now.” He mumbled.

His knee is bouncing. You only recognize this because it shakes your desk in a gentle hum. His fingers twist and turn anxiously on your desk as if he’s fighting the urge to reach out and touch your hand. His lips are stress bitten and his hair looks like it’s been the victim of an attack as well.

“Really?” You asked, leaning back slighting your chair in confusion.

He raised an eyebrow. “Yes, really. What did you think I was just out living my best life since you stormed out of my apartment at one am without a word and ignored me for three days?”

“No, I just...I just didn’t realize it would have this great of an effect on you. I guess I--I didn’t know you cared that much.”

“You didn’t know that I care that much? What the hell, y/n?” He groaned. “Why are you doing this right now?”

“Doing what?! What am I doing?”

“You’re pulling away. We sat there in Rome and you asked me to promise you that I was all in. And I am. And now you’re scared, is that it? You don’t know what it might look like for us to be together in the real world, so you’re pulling away from me.”

Well that was certainly a read. You were flustered. Your lips opened and shut around nothing but air as you sat there at a loss for words. It wasn’t conscious, or maybe on some level it was, but Shawn scared the hell out of you. Rome was a beautiful, beautiful bubble, but a bubble nonetheless. The second you got back to New York you couldn’t help but wonder if it would actually work a tall. You were still so different. And much as you liked him, and shit you really fucking liked him, it was terrifying to place yourself into new charted territory. You were scared of him. Of the two of you together. Of what it could mean. And he never even needed you to say it, he just knew it about you instantly.

“Look,” He sighed. “I still don’t really know what I did wrong. I know I probably sound like I’m being a little bitch right now but...shit y/n I just got you and I feel like I’m losing you already. Like you’re not even gonna give me a chance to try to make you happy. Is that how it’s gonna be? Cause if it is just tell me okay? Tell me what you want.”

“I don’t...I don’t know. Okay? I don’t know.” You mumbled

The look that he gives you tells you that this hurts him. That you not being a hundred percent in is painful. Everything was just moving so incredibly fast. One second you couldn’t fathom the idea that Shawn would even want to do more than fuck you, let alone be leading the charge your relationship. It was fast. All of it. And you? You were scared.

“Okay. Well I guess just call me when you figure it out.”

He got out of his seat and headed for the door only throwing you further off your game. You didn’t know much about what you wanted. You just knew that you didn’t want him mad at you, and you didn’t want him to leave. It didn’t help that a part of you felt like you should be leading this matter. You were older, you were the woman. Never had anyone cornered you in the manner that Shawn was in this moment. It was completely different than anything you’d ever experienced.

“Wait--shit. Shawn don’t leave.”

He shook his head. “It’s fine. You’re not ready, and I was. Just…Call when you figure things out. Maybe I’ll talk to you later.”

And just like that he’s gone. Fuck.

***

It’s another long night. You’re tired. You’re heart is heavy. Your ponytail is too tight. And you wanna go to bed. But you have no interest in sleeping alone, and therefore are stuck at your desk again. There’s three different contracts waiting your signature on your desk, but the words have begun to blur. You tell yourself it’s not because you’re crying because you definitely aren’t. It’s just cause you’re tired. Yes.

“Hey, it’s late I’m gonna---oh lord. I haven’t seen you cry since Michelle Obama smiled at you on a red carpet.” Tianna gasped.

You sniffled. “Bitch I am not crying. Go home.”

She rolled her eyes. “Denial or delusion. Your favorite pastimes. Come tell Titi what’s wrong while I’m still awake.”

She plopped herself in the chair opposite your desk and reached for the tissues on your desk to hand to you. You take one begrudgingly.

“You haven’t let me call you Titi since college.”

“Of course I haven’t, “She giggled. “What kind of grown ass woman walks around goin’ by Titi. Now stop deflecting.”

Best friends are no good. They know you too well. It makes it way too hard to hide.

“I….I think I fucked things up.”

“With Shawn you mean?”

You nod slowly.

“Yea, I saw him come out of your office lookin’ like a kicked puppy. I couldn't even get him to laugh for me before he left. You never really said what happened though.” She nudged gently.

A sigh passes through your lips that feels bone deep. Your fingers twitch anxiously against the desk. There’s nowhere to hide here. You just have to be truthful. It’s the worst.

“We...We decided to give it a go. And he took me to Rome, as your meddling ass knows, and it was the most amazing thing I could experience. It was everything I ever thought it would be but...he made it more. And I kept thinking that he was going to stop at some point. I don’t know I thought surely it was gonna work, because how could it you know?”  

“No, not quite sis. I don’t know. Maybe you can explain it to me.”

You bite your lip and twitch anxiously.

“I asked him in Rome one of our last nights there if he was gonna be all in. We talked about race and white supremacy and I told him that I needed someone who could stand with me in all of it, not just when it is convenient.”

“And he said…?”

“Well the fucker said yes.” You huffed. “He promised it even.”

“Shit.” Tiana mumbled taking a pause herself. “I would’ve never called Shawn Mendes to be a social justice warrior.”

You rolled your eyes. “He’s far from it, now. He’s still a white boy. But he wanted to try. He was willing to try for me.”

“So you can see how maybe I’m missing the part where you fucked up. This sounds a little like a black girl’s love story come true.”

“I went over to his place and he offered me breadsticks and dick, in that order. But then when we were getting to it, he asked me about Normani, Ti. He asked if I was going to ‘make his job harder for him’ by having her release her album before award season.”

“Oh lord, that poor bastard didn’t even know what hit him.” She sighed.

“I’m serious Ti!” You groaned. “I’ve been here before. I’ve had the music exec who wanted to get into my pants just to know what we were doing in this building. I--I can’t go back there. You and I both know that there’s nothing Manny Mendes would love to see more than one his little white girls on top and my people failing on the bottom of the totem pole. We work too goddamn hard for me to lose it.”

Tiana paused for a minute and stared at you. Her eyes were soul searching, the way they tended to be. She was as lovely and amazing as she was terrifying. She knew you better than you knew yourself, and she never hesitated to call you on your bullshit. Even if you didn’t know it was bullshit. Especially when you didn’t know it was bullshit.

“Girl, I love you more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life, but you are truly exhausting.” She sighed and held her hand up as a means to silence you before you even spoke. “Now if you’re not ready for someone to potentially love and take care of you that’s one thing. But if you are intentionally sabotaging yourself because you’re scared you gotta knock it the fuck off.”

“But Ti--”

“No, ma’am. If that boy wanted to know when Normani’s album was dropping he did not need to take your ass to Rome to do it. You have been scorned by this industry more than most will ever recognize, and I know that, and I validate that. But you ain’t in a relationship with Manny Mendes. You’re not in a relationship with the industry. It’s Shawn. And that man hates his dad and his dad’s company more than you do. I love you, but you’re being a bit ridiculous.”

“...Fuck.”

“Fuck, indeed.” She hummed. “You keep doing this. You keep letting outside factors affect everything, and that’s not sustainable. You have to trust him. He has to trust you. That’s the only way it works.”

You peered at her with tired eyes. The kind of eyes that a woman who’d been scorned one time too many might have.

“But what if he hurts me?”

“Than we pick up the pieces. We work at it until your healed. But you don’t get the love without faith. You’ve got to put yourself out there, babe.”

And that is of course how you end up at his place at midnight on Friday nonetheless. Ti had practically ushered you off, offering to close up shop for the night if it meant you would finally leave the office. You’re still in your work jumpsuit with the too tight ponytail and the makeup that you couldn’t wait to take off.  The code lets you easily without having to let him know that you’re there. Perhaps that’s why you finally get to hear him this time.

The doors of his fancy apparently  are surely made of thicker wood, so he must be sitting right inside the living room. Regardless you hear it in this soft, muted kind of way. It’s an acoustic guitar, the plucking of his fingers just as rounded and full. It’s beautiful and rhythmic and it makes you pause, your fingers still resting on the door knob because then the mother fucker starts to sing.

Maybe I had too many drinks, but that's just what I needed

I hope that you don't think that what I'm saying sounds conceited

When I look across the room and you're staring right back at me

Like somebody told a joke and we're the only ones laughin'

You’re fingers grip tight at the door knob, you’re mind both seemingly filled with a million thoughts and yet too overwhelmed to process any of it. His door is unlocked though and when you stumble inside the vision in your head comes to life. He’s sat on his floor by the fireplace with a guitar you’ve never seen upon his lap. He’s wearing a white tanktop and black sweats. The rosary against his neck nestles against what looks like perfectly tamed chest hair. He is as unreal as ever. And yet somehow, somehow that is not the most astonishing part of everything around you in this moment.

He pops his head up towards you. His fingers don’t still on the guitar at all as he seems to pluck out the melody he’d sung just moments prior.

“Took you long enough. Almost like you were outside eavesdropping or something.” He hummed.

“I...How did you even know I was outside?” You stuttered.

“I get an alert every time someone enters my code. I don’t just wait around for you all the time ya know.”

Rude.

“You...You sing.”

He peered at you, fingers still moving, his head tilted just slightly to the side as if you were as confusing to him as he was to you.

“I sing.” He affirmed. “Is that okay?”

“How come--I mean you never said anything.” You frowned. “That--That song. You wrote that?”

He nodded slowly. “I’ve been given a bit of inspiration lately. Is that what you came here for? To bust me in my hobby?”

This changes things. And surely it wouldn’t have mattered because Ti’ had already convinced you to suck it the fuck up and come over, but the fact that he’s got music in him and never said anything matters. Because there’s a lot he could have asked for. A lot he could have tried to get from you, and he hadn’t. It really didn’t matter to him at all. You were just a fucking asshole.

It occurred to you that you were still standing in the middle of his doorway, so you closed the door and moved slowly near him. He set his guitar off to the side as you plopped one of his decorative pillows in the spot beside him and sat down. Without his guitar, Shawn was a lot more fidgety. He took to playing with his rings on his fingers again, eyes soft and vulnerable pointed in your direction.

“So...Is this it? You come here to end it?” He asked.

You took a deep breath. “No. I came here to apologize.”

His eyes flickered up to your face, a hint of hesitance to them.

“I’ve never heard you apologize in my life.”

You rolled your eyes and punched playfully at his arm, the chiseled muscle probably hurting you more than it hurt him. He wasn’t wrong.

“The truth is...When you asked me about Normani’s release I didn’t think of it as you wanting to know about my day. I didn’t think about it as you wanting to be kind to me at all. I sort of, maybe thought you were snooping trying to figure out a way that you could hurt me.” You admitted softly. “Because--well because that’s what I’ve experienced in the past. And that’s not an excuse but it just is...it’s what I was feeling.”

He squinted his nose up and it would’ve been cute had you not been so flustered.

“Wait, you thought I was gonna hurt you? How?” He asked turning more in your direction.

You winced. “Like...by maybe taking it to your dad. Knowing whether or not Normani’s gonna release would be really beneficial to him.”

There’s a range of emotions that cover his face. First confusion. Then acceptance. And then anger.

“Why would I ever do that to you? What have I ever said or done to make you think that I would choose allegiance to my dad of all people over you. I hate my job, y/n. I hate that company. You know that better than just about anyone.”

“I know! I know that. I just--fuck. You scare me okay!” You whined. “I haven’t been in a healthy relationship in years. I’ve been fucked over in my job, in my relationships, in life constantly. And I didn’t exactly walking into our arrangement expecting to find a relationship. I don’t know how to do this, Shawn. I don’t--I’m not sure I truly deserve it.”

You glanced down at the floor in worry and fear. You wanted it. God, you really wanted it. But, shit if you weren’t terrified to try.

When he crawls into your lap, you’re a little taken aback. For how tall that fucker is, he certainly could use an extra meal or two. But, there’s something about the reversal of his thighs bracketing your hips the way that yours would usually do to his. There’s something about the way his thumb soothes at your pulse point as his fingers rest on either side of your neck. There’s something about the way that he looks at you with tenderness and kindness. It’s a little unlike anything you’d ever quite felt before. And it makes you soften beneath him with ease, all the fire running out of you at once.

“You are...the most hard headed woman I’ve ever met.” He mumbled softly.

You smiled sheepishly. “That’s what my momma’s been telling me since I was born.”

“Well she’s right. But I’m kind of crazy about you. And I don’t like fighting with you. And I don’t like being mad at you, or you being mad at me. I just want to make you happy. This is the first time in my life where I feel like I can make some good out of anything. You feel...right. I like you, and I want to take care of you, and I’d like to have something where we can both give each other that. I’m just as scared as you are, okay? I don’t fucking know what I’m doing either. But I wanna try. Do you?”

Was it really that simple? Could it be that simple?

“I do. I really do.” You whispered.

“Good. That’s all I needed to hear. C’mere.”

For him, it could be.

His fingers knot in your ponytail and he tugs your lips to his with zero hesitation. After a shitty week of back and forth it feels good to not have to think for a while, to let his lips work over yours. He’s dominant even here with his tongue and his hands and his hips. He could’ve made it soft and gentle, but that’s not really what the two of you were about. Or was it?

“I’ve got leftovers in my fridge.” He murmured running his thumb along your bottom lip. “Did you eat dinner?”

You shake your head softly and he quickly climbs off your lap to tug you towards the kitchen. It doesn’t go unnoticed to you that his guitar stays behind in the living room.

“Are we ever gonna talk about the singing thing?”

“Maybe let’s do one heavy thing at a time, aye? I’ll tell you sometime. I promise. For now, do you want egg drop soup or pasta?”

You climbed into your seat at his kitchen counter and quickly tugged at your jacket and ponytail holder.

“Pasta. And one of these days I’m gonna teach your pasty ass how to cook.”

“Sure thing, babe.” He snorted. “I look forward to it.”

***

Permanent taglist

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Arrangement Taglist:

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@claredolphinbear24 @peterbrokenparker @shawnase@blackharry @shawnwyr @speakingofmari @moniehp@ydolansss  

[earformusic]

10 Songs to Make You Feel Like You're Starring in a Coming-of-Age Indie Film

From The Perks of Being a Wallflower to The Edge of Seventeen, coming-of-age indie films have swept my generation by storm. Recently, it’s become a trend for us Gen Z kids to wish we were starring in one of these iconic films, whether it be because we want to be the main character or we just want to romanticize our lives a bit more. So, I’ve handpicked 10 of my favorite songs to make you feel like you’re the main character you’ve always wanted to be.

1. Grouplove - Tongue Tied

We’re starting off with a throwback that never gets old. If you think you haven’t heard this song, chances are you probably have without even realizing it. Although “Tongue Tied” was released back in 2011, this song has proved itself to be a timeless mix of rock and electropop that’s perfect for singing in your car as you drive down the highway at night with your best friends. Hitting number one on the Billboard Alternative Songs chart a year after its release, Grouplove proved the true magic this song holds despite its prior negative reviews. With an indie influence as well as elements of synthpop and post punk, “Tongue Tied” will have you feeling like the main character as soon as you hit play.

2. BØRNS - Electric Love

The American singer and songwriter BØRNS began his career off with a bang, releasing the critically acclaimed hit “Electric Love”. The poetic lyrics coupled with a heavy glam rock sound will make you feel as if you’re on the top of the world. The music video featuring colorful animations and whimsical dancers perfectly showcases BØRNS as the “main character”. “Electric Love” has such a bright, fun sound that hearing it will immediately make you want to get up and dance. On top of all of this, BØRNS has such a unique voice that definitely stands out. 

3. fun. (feat. Janelle Monáe) - We Are Young

Once again, we have another timeless throwback song. I remember this song constantly playing on the radio when I was younger, and its catchy lyrics getting stuck in my head for days. The perfection of this song speaks for itself, considering the massive achievements it brought the group (including a Grammy award for Song of the Year in 2012). “We Are Young” is the culmination of teenage youth shoved into a 4 minute and 10 second indie pop anthem, with the lyrics describing an unforgettable night out with your friends. Listening to this song, especially with some of your best friends, is perfect for making you feel as if you’re truly living in the moment.

4. M83 - Midnight City

“Midnight City” is a track that’s perfect for playing in the car on a late night drive. The lyrics of the song are a tribute to city nightlife, indicated by the title itself. This is one song that doesn’t need as many lyrics to articulate its message, but the hollow echoes of the lyrics given resonate with the listener. The song’s transcendent sound and memorable riff make it one that you won’t want to miss. You also can’t talk about this song without mentioning the standout saxophone solo that ends the track. I firmly believe that this is one of those songs that’s better listened to than explained, as the song speaks for itself. 

5. Young the Giant - Cough Syrup

As soon as I heard this song come up on my Spotify shuffle, I immediately added it to my playlist. The mix of an indie rock sound with meaningful lyrics caught my attention, and I couldn’t stop listening to the song for weeks. The lyrics of “Cough Syrup” perfectly depict the cliché struggle many coming-of-age indie film protagonists face: the feeling of being lost and aching to get out of your mundane town and lifestyle. However, this common story troupe doesn’t only apply to fictional characters but to many teenagers out there as well (I may or may not be speaking from personal experience). This song by the alternative rock band has the perfect balance of symbolic lyrics and a catchy chorus that you will be humming for hours.

6. Supergrass - Alright

“Alright” is a song that can speak to teenagers everywhere. Lyrics such as “But we are young, we get by” relate back to the simple yet complicated nature of the average teenage experience. Watching the music video, which showcases the British alternative rock band Supergrass joyfully messing around and having fun, will make you wish you could be there and hang out with them as well. The upbeat vibe and joyful piano tune make this song perfect to play on a sunny day.

7. Lonely God - Marlboro Nights

If you frequent the app TikTok, chances are you probably recognize this song from there. Though this indie pop single was released back in 2018, the popular social media app brought it back into the limelight during July 2019. From there, the song reached high spots on the Spotify Viral 50 Charts. The lyrics speak of a love story that many teenagers can probably relate to, especially the opening lyric “I don't want to go to school tomorrow I can't study thinking about you” that immediately leaves an impression on the listener. “Marlboro Nights” is another song which lacks in lyrical amount however holds itself up with a catchy rhythm and lyrics.

8. Bruno Major - Places We Won’t Walk

We’re now taking a sadder turn with this soft R&B track by the British singer and songwriter Bruno Major. Listening to this song, I can picture it playing in the background as the film hits its climax, and the protagonist finally experiences the sad reality of their situation, whether it be losing the love of their life or a close friend. This is arguably the saddest song on this list, however, I feel like it serves to show that being the main character doesn’t always equate to happiness as every person experiences their own highs and lows. Bruno Major’s soothing vocals along with the soft piano in the background make for such a beautiful song. 

9. Wallows - Do Not Wait

Throughout Wallows’ debut album Nothing Happens, they touch on topics such as youth and nostalgia, and the indie rock/bedroom pop song “Do Not Wait” is no exception. The lyrics show how, especially during your teen years, everything feels so world-crushing and the smallest mistake can feel like it’s the end of the world. But in reality nothing happened, and everything is going to turn out okay despite those prior feelings. “Do Not Wait” was the perfect ending to an album full of stories about the teenage experience. When listening to this song, the bridge and outro really stuck up to me, specifically the part where the band member and lyricist of the song Dylan Minnette seems to be speaking to his past self. This shows how the whole song is written from the perspective of his older self talking to his younger self, while simultaneously showing his own personal self growth over the years.

10. Lorde - Ribs

You can’t bring up songs that make you feel like the protagonist in a coming-of-age indie film without mentioning the showstopper that is “Ribs” by Lorde. This song is the perfect description of the bittersweet feeling of never wanting to grow up that all of us experience at least once in our lifetime. Raw and honest lyrics such as “This dream isn't feeling sweet / We're reeling through the midnight streets / And I've never felt more alone / It feels so scary, getting old” give the song a relatable aspect that can appeal to all teenagers. The longing and sadness in the lyrics mixed with Lorde’s unique voice and an upbeat electronica sound make this song so unique. If you are looking for the perfect song to listen to as you dance outside in the rain at night with some of your best friends, or even for those 3 am existential crises, this is the song for you!

Now we’ve finally come to the end of this list, and I hope you found at least one song that makes you feel like you’re the main character. But just know, even if you may not feel like it, you are always the main character of your own life. Life may not always feel as romanticized as films make it out to be, but you always have the ability to romanticize your own life as much as you can: so do it!

If you’d like to check out a playlist with these songs and others that fit this same theme, here’s a link to my Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3jhAQfVQpVmbabQEzG1gGF?si=rP0gfaVAS56RXUXn8aHgbw

[funknrolll]

Celebrating Lizzo, the epitome of self-love, self-acceptance and inclusivity: a lesson we all needed to learn

Melissa Viviane Jefferson better known as Lizzo has come a long way to get where she is right now. One of the most influential and renowned artists on the music scene. The pop star is standing out for her empowering lyrics, her meaningful message of self-love, self-acceptance, self-worth, and inclusivity.

The artist born in Detroit in 1988, soon fell in love with music. Indeed, as early as third grade she started forming girl groups and writing songs with her friends. Then at the age of 10, she moved to Houston, Texas, and joined her school’s marching band as the first flutist. At first, the artist self-taught how to play the flute, and then during high school, she learned the technique and eventually got private lessons. This was when her passion for the instrument started and it’s going on still today. In fact, it is not a mystery that the flute is still so much present in Lizzo’s music and live performances to the point that the artist named it after Beyonce’s alter ego, Sasha the Flute (the instrument has also an Instagram account @sashabefluting). The pop star kept studying music during her college years, attending the University of Houston. Eventually, she dropped out to move to Minneapolis where she joined the all-female R&B groups The Chalice and GRRRL PRTY. During those years she met the music legend himself Prince and became one of his protegès. Eventually, Lizzo and her Chalice bandmate Sophia Eris collaborated with the Purple One on the song Boy Trouble on his 2014 album Plectrumelectrum.

Now Lizzo appears to be one of the most confident and self-aware artists. However, all this confidence was not something that she achieved overnight. It took her time and effort to get where she is now. In fact, in her interview with CBS Sunday the artist recalls “I take self-love very seriously because when I was younger, I wanted to change everything about myself. I didn’t love who I was.” … “I was insecure about me… I was insecure about my body, I was insecure about my hair, my smile, I was insecure about my personality ‘cause I was so different I was so nerdy kinda dorky, I was insecure about the way I talked, I was insecure about my voice, everything”. Eventually, the artist managed to push through all her insecurities and became the powerful, confident artist we all know and love. However, this transition was not easy to achieve. Indeed, as the artist said in an interview for CBS Sunday Morning: “You can’t scrape away the trauma, that trauma can’t disappear, you just have to go back to that trauma and just try to make a sense out of it… I had to address every layer of insecurity… I body-shamed myself every single day” … “when I’m looking at my body and shaming every little thing about it I have to look at all those things that I’m shaming and I have to find love in those things”. Indeed, it is not a mystery that the artist has always spoken out about this relevant topic. As a matter of fact, her performances, her music, and even her Instagram page are a celebration of self-love. In fact, as the artist said during an interview for the magazine Essence: ”I love creating shapes with my body, and I love normalizing the dimples in my butt or the lumps in my thighs or my back fat or my stretch marks.“. 

Moreover, Lizzo had everyone’s eyes on her during her performance at the VMAs 2019. The pop star gave indeed, one of the most empowering performances backed up by an all-female and all-sizes dancing crew behind her. With that performance, the artist was delivering a message of self-acceptance, self-worth, and inclusivity, especially for the most marginalized groups of women in the USA. The next day the artist shared some thoughts on her performance on her Instagram page, pointing out that every woman on that stage had her story of why they did not believe they belonged in the spotlight. “Every woman on that stage had a story of either why they shouldn’t have been on that stage or why they didn’t believe they deserved to be on that stage, including myself. “Imposter syndrome” is a privilege to the most marginalized group in America. Not only were we taught to believe we didn’t belong in the spotlight, but when we finally get to a place to self-worth the world tries to knock us down. Not this time. The world smiled with us. The world sang us. The world saw our beauty last night. The world saw black women feeling Good As Hell and cheered us on.”.

Moreover, Lizzo has always taken her music very seriously. Her first solo album Lizzobangers dropped in 2013, followed by Big GRRRL Small World in 2015 and Coconut Oil, her Atlantic Records debut EP, in 2016. Coconut Oil even climbed onto the Billboard Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums chart. However, her latest album Cuz I love You brought her to fame. Not only are the sounds and the arrangements extremely original, but most importantly the message of self-love, self-acceptance, equality, feminism, positivity she is putting out through her music is so inspiring, motivating, and life-changing.

As a matter of fact, in songs like the hit Juice, the artist is encouraging her listener to “shine and live a better and happier life”. Additionally, in many other songs, the positive message is still much present. For instance, in Like a Girl the artist is encouraging her audiences to emancipate themselves, to fight for themselves, to be strong, and to be self-made. Exactly how I feel is characterized by a quite straightforward lyric and meaning: to stay true to ourselves and to be real. Indeed, quoting some lines “Love me or hate me/ I ain’t changing/ and I don’t give a fuck. Subsequently, Soulmate is practically a love letter the artist wrote to remind herself that to be loved and to change the world there is need to start loving herself first and that as the artist sings “figured out I gotta be my own type” and be aware of her self-worth. All the songs the artist has written are an emotional journey through her memories, life, and feelings. Indeed, as Lizzo said herself “My songs feel happy, but they come from a sad or frustrated place”… “My songs are always the silver lining or the ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ moments”. Songs such as Truth Hurts and Crybaby were indeed written and recorded through tears. As the artist recounters in the interview with the magazine Elle “Those songs are actual anecdotes, like real stories about real moments in time. ‘Pull this car over, babe’—that is something that happened to me. ‘New man on the Minnesota Vikings’—that happened to me. ‘Old me used to love a Gemini’—that happened!”.

The artist has also been extremely open about mental well-being on her Instagram account. Indeed, last June in one of her posts, she wrote: “I’m depressed and there’s no one I can talk to because there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Life hurts”. Then her fans showered her with comments thanking her for speaking out and for being completely open and honest about this delicate issue. The artist then shared some thoughts on this topic saying “You realize that people truly care about you and they’ll help you, and they don’t mind helping you”… “Being in those places is inevitable for me; I’m going to end up there again” then she adds “But the fact that I’m prepared now to go to those places—and I have a toolbox, and I know I can pull myself out—is really helpful to me in my mental health journey.”.

Also  during her live performances, the artist is delivering a powerful and empowering message to her audiences. Indeed, during one of her concerts in Glastonbury, she encouraged her fans to love themselves because “we can save the world if we save ourselves first… and we can all change the world”. In another concert, the artist explained the powerful purpose of her music and performances: “I do this because I love to make people smile, I love to make people feel better… I wanna make the world a better place”.

And this is not over, because, in February the artist entered the 62nd annual Grammy Awards with 8 well-deserved nominations. She opened the event with a powerful and poignant tribute to Kobe Bryant who passed away in a helicopter crash. The artist stepped on stage in a black sparkling ball gown and surrounded by a full orchestra she performed a mind-blowing, majestic medley starting with her latest album’s title track Cuz I Love You. The next song in line was Truth Hurts and Lizzo’s long time companion Sasha the Flute could not miss. What a dynamic duo!! The artist flexed some of her impressive flute skills before the last chorus.  Eventually, Lizzo won  (well deservedly I would say) three awards, including best pop solo performance for Truth Hurts, best urban contemporary album for Cuz I Love You (Deluxe) and best traditional R&B performance for Jerome. During the acceptance speech for pop solo performance, the singer honored one more time Kobe Bryant.  ”I want to say this whole week I was lost in my problems and then in an instant, all that can go away and your priorities really shift. Today all my little problems I thought were as big as the world was gone. I realized people are hurting right now,“ Lizzo said. Then she thanked the artists for ”making music that moves people again, that liberates people,“ "you guys create beautiful music. Thank you for lifting me up. Let’s continue to reach out, hold each other down, lift each other up”.

The artist was then honored with the Entertainer Of the Year at the 2020 NAACP Image Awards and she enchanted the audience with another heartwarming and powerful speech: “ I want to shout out to all the big black girls that I bring on stage with me. I do that because I want them to know that they are the trophies” … “Every last one of you, you are the award! We are so special!! We are such a beautiful people, this is just a reminder of all the beautiful things that we can do”.

During these months, Lizzo did not forget to spread good energy and positivity leading a group meditation to promote healing. The artist turned her Instagram into a meditation sanctuary where she encouraged her fans to find some peace and calm during the pandemic. The video featured Lizzo playing her flute while seating in front of a collection of crystals and burning sage. The artist then graced us with some uplifting words “I wanted to empower everybody, I wanted you guys to know that we have power, you have power. You have the power to eliminate fear.” … “I wanted to take the time today to do a mass meditation, 30 minutes of your time, and if you can’t stay the whole time that’s fine. But we’re gonna come together and we’re gonna take deep breaths and we’re gonna join in agreement and we’re going to try to eliminate the fear as much as we can” … “ We really need to listen to each other, we really need to feel each other out, we really need to be there to help each other, we can’t be afraid of each other”.

Speaking of the pandemic, we also saw Lizzo taking part in Lady Gaga’s One World: Together at home concert. The artist delivered a heartfelt, powerful, and personal rendition of Sam Cooke’s A Change is Gonna Come. She could not have chosen for a more appropriate song for the times we are living in the middle of the pandemic. After finishing the performance the artist enchanting us with some words of hope and love “Thank you to everyone working hard to keep us safe, thank you to everyone staying home and keeping themselves safe, I love you. We got this. We’ll get through this together. “

The cherry on the top of the pie, the singer keeps being a fierce queen supporting not only mental health but also advocating self-love and body positivity, encouraging her fans to practice self-care and love. Even today on her birthday, she asked us as a present, to write under her last Instagram picture some nice comments about ourselves and eventually she reminded us to “shake that ass”. A real queen and role model for everyone ❤️ wishing queen Lizzo a beautiful and happy birthday, I will go and practice some self love and shake my ass, just as she taught us!! All hail to the queen✨

Don’t forget to show Lizzo some love today✨

Thank you for your attention. G✨

[epicstuckyficrecs]

Weekly Recap | August 10-16th 2020

Complete

💙 With Only You by brucespringsteen (Time Travel | 47K | Explicit): Steve, semi-retired and still a bastard who doesn’t follow rules, touches a cube that sends him to 1938, eighty-six years in the past. He takes it well. Bucky, twenty-one and baby-faced, takes it even better.

Forgive, Yet Never Forget by Kalee60/ @kalee60​ (Post-Endgame | 8K | Explicit): Steve Rogers was a broken man. He'd failed to keep his friends alive, had lived through the snap, the blip, Thanos, whatever that torrid time of his life full of blood, fear and pain had been. Yet the one good thing to come out of the worst years of his life - he had Bucky back. And a head full of issues along with it.Issues that meant the only way Steve could get out of his overbearing mind is to fall into oblivion by paying one night stands, use people he never had to see again, people he couldn't let down.So what happens when Bucky accosts him after a mission and wants answers, wants only to help Steve? Can an old weary supersoldier, whose self worth is nonexistent, start to heal and find happiness, when he truly believes he doesn't deserve it?

Love Me, Hold Me, Squeeze Me by musette22/ @musette22​, paperstorm/ @paper-storm​ (Evanstan PRF, PWP | 4,5K | Explicit): Chris grabs his junk when he's anxious. Sebastian notices.

Closer by musette22/ @musette22​ (Evanstan RPF | 5K | Teen): The relief that floods Sebastian at seeing Chris alive and well is intense, lifting some of that debilitating weight that’s been pressing down on his chest all evening, but it’s short lived. Because Chris looks... Well, he looks unfairly gorgeous as always, with his beard and his soft, cerulean eyes, but he also looks nervous and just a little bit shifty.The feeling of unease grows when Chris shoots him a smile that’s tense around the edges and says, “Hey, Seb. Can we talk for a moment?”

💙 a question of worth by Deisderium/ @deisderium​ (Post-Endgame | 30K | Teen): In which Steve and Bucky return the Infinity Stones, and return to a world drastically changed from the one Bucky left five years ago, and Bucky has to struggle with the knowledge that his best friend held Mjölnir, and at least briefly had the power of a god. So where does that leave an ex-brainwashed assassin?

Adorably awkward by darter_blue/ @darter-blue​ (Shrunkyclunks | 32K | Explicit): The one where Bucky uses Steve’s car window as a mirror and Steve can appreciate the view…

Extra Sugar, 32. the future by luninosity/ @luninosity​ (Evanstan, Dom/Sub AU | 112K | Explicit): Sebastian's feeling anxious about a change. Chris will always want to help. (Part 6 of 💙Like Sugar (Spell It Out))

💙 Songbird by chicklette/ @chicklette​ (Singer Bucky, Fake relationship | 66K | Explicit): At 43, James Barnes is a washed up old man. He’s got a dozen Grammys in the hall closet, an agent that can’t get him a deal, a decade-old case of writer’s block, a moody teen-aged daughter, and the gorgeous actress Natasha Romanova for an ex-wife. Enter Steven Grant Rogers, struggling twenty-something, orphan, and someone who has no idea who Barnes is. The two men meet by accident, doing nothing more than passing the time in a quiet bar. But when a pap gets a shot of the two men embracing, Bucky takes it as a chance to finally come out as bisexual, and his agent makes him a proposition: Ten new songs and one very sweet boyfriend will get him a new record deal that will maybe, just maybe put him back on top. Now all he has to do is write the songs, convince the kid, and not fall in love. Should be easy, right?

💙 Heirloom by 2bestfriends/ @addyetc​ (Royalty AU, Arranged Marriage | 21K | Explicit): King Steven Grant Rogers of Aphekion is only 20 years old. He relies on the wisdom of his advisors, the strength and honesty of his people, and the love and kindness his mother left to him. He wants nothing more than to honor them all by bringing peace to his kingdom. So much has been sacrificed already. If he must sacrifice his hope for love, then so be it.

WIP

💙 Querencia by SinpaiCasanova (Royalty, ABO AU, Tudor Era | 4/6 | 14K | Explicit): “Oh no, Mother, not another courting ceremony,” Steve protests, a whine slipping into his voice that he’d be rather embarrassed about if anyone other than Sarah ever heard it. “I beg you, no more. I can’t go through that puffed up charade again, being paraded before a dozen worthy Omegas like I’m some prime cut of meat. She probably won’t even like me.” “Well, Steven,” she gently corrects, “she is a he, and the only one you’d be ‘paraded’ in front of.”

💙 Sergeant Barnes and Colonel Rogers: Lessons in Lust, Longing and Inappropriate Erections. by darter_blue/ @darter-blue​ (Shrunkyclunks | 3/4 | 17K | Explicit): Bucky Barnes is a decorated (though young) Sergeant in the United States Army, a Ranger with the 75th regiment, a sniper of unparalleled skill; he still expects his first day as an Avenger to be challenging. He is not at all prepared for the greatest challenge to be one hot as fuck, steely eyed, Colonel Rogers. More specifically, he is not expecting the greatest challenge to be keeping his dick under control whenever Colonel Rogers, with his broad shoulders and his authoritative command and his fucking thick, gorgeous beard, enters into Bucky’s immediate vicinity.

💙 (i will) leave a light on by crinklefries/ @spacerenegades​ (Post-Endgame, Canon Divergent | 4/7 | Explicit): Twice a day, every day, Steve lights the lantern at the top of the lighthouse.One day, every year, a door opens and Bucky steps through. This is the story of how Steve and Bucky reclaim all of the years they've lost and what Valhalla means to someone who's willing to wait for it.

💙 Tender is the Ghost by Hark_bananas/ @harkbananas​ (Post-WS | 8/12 | 97K | Explicit): This thought is uncontrollably followed by another one: I’m not alone anymore. He looks over his shoulder, through the kitchen door, to where Bucky is sitting at his usual place at the head of the dining table, and he feels an unconstrainable smile breaking out across his face, the barest hint of threatening tears along its bright edge. Bucky is still looking past Steve’s left ear, but slowly, gingerly, one side of his mouth quirks up. Steve feels giddy, he wants to shout, or faint, or something to relieve the carbonated pressure that is bubbling up inside of him. Instead, he laughs, short and cheerful, and opens the oven door. (Part 2 of Tender is the Ghost)

💙 sharpen your teeth (tell yourself that it’s just business) by voxofthevoid/ @voxofthevoid​ (Post-WS | 1/2 | 8K | Explicit): He stays because it’s safe, because Hydra cannot get to him here, because Rogers—still waiting for his dead friend to claw his way out of the Winter Soldier’s broken psyche—will go to the ends of the earth to find him if they do. So he watches Rogers watch him, and Barnes doesn’t know what he’s looking for, but he knows he has found it the first time he sees Rogers’s eyes drop down to his lips and dart guiltily away. Barnes pretends he doesn’t notice and unlike Rogers, he can act. The Red Room made him well, and Hydra could ruin only so much. He changes his act, a few weeks in. He starts looking back.

💙 Revenance by JJK/ @trenchcoatsandtimetravel​, SinpaiCasanova (The Old Guard AU/The Song of Achilles AU | 4/? | 11K | Mature): And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone. Or, the one where Steve and Bucky are immortal and used to be known as Achilles and Patroclus.

Re-read

Leg Day by Brokenpitchpipe (Shrunkyclunks | 12K | Explicit): Or: The one where Sam is Bucky's long-suffering roommate, Bucky is a hot mess of a millennial, and Hot Steve spends far too much time on the Lat Pull-Down machine.

the sound of rain on tin by luninosity/ @luninosity​ (Stucky & Evanstan Crossover | 3/4 | Teen): Okay, Bucky thought. He could deal with sudden universe-hopping. He’d seen weirder things. Hell, he himself probably counted as a weirder thing, brainwashed cryogenically frozen former legendary assassin and all.Chris, who looked like Steve, but who wasn't Steve, stared at him some more.