#and be wedded to the love of her life!!!!!!!!
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5sospenguinqueen · 2 days ago
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Tantrums - Lewis Hamilton x Reader
Summary: After 10 years together, Lewis keeps pushing back the date on when “forever” can start. Realising that forever applies to her job and not their relationship, she makes it clear that she’s had enough. 
Warnings: slight age gap, reader is 32. angst, heavy on the angst. 
Requested: @madelynn-sienna (sorry it took so long. i didn’t think i was gonna do it ngl to you because i don’t really write for lewis)
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yn_ln just posted
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yn_ln when he feels bad that he’s on the other side of the world for your birthday 
4,444 comments
lewishamilton happy birthday, love. i’m so sorry i’m in australia and not with you but i promise i will make it up to you when i’m home. roscoe promised me he’d spend the day spoiling you 
→ roscoelovescoco yes i’s did’s 
user1 oh to be loved the way yn is loved by lewis 
user2 no one makes me feel as single as lewis and yn do 
carmenmmundt @/georgerussell63 take notes
→ yn_ln you tell him, hun
→ georgerussell63 i buy you flowers all the time! 
f1 we’re sorry that a race fell on your birthday. we’ll ask the fia to fix the calendar next year so this doesn’t happen again
mercedesamgf1 we’d give him back if we could. happy birthday, yn
georgerussell63 hang on a second. you’ve not left us yet. that’s not the right car
→ charles_leclerc that’s the perfect car 
→ yn_ln i didn’t buy the car. i just jumped behind the wheel
user3 not me hoping she’d be getting a ring for her birthday 
→ user4 we’ve been waiting for this for the past 8 birthdays
→ user5 it’s been 10 years. we were expecting two rings and a few kids by now
→ user6 i mean, he just bought her a sports car. not very kid friendly 
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lewishamilton just posted
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lewishamilton happy 10 years to the love of my life. every moment with you is an adventure i never want to end
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yn_ln forever with you ❤️ mainly because i can’t be bothered to train some new guy to photos that good of me
mercedesamgf1 can’t believe it’s been 10 years already. it feels like only yesterday yn was making her paddock debut. here’s to another 10 
→ user7 not mercedes commenting like they’re a part of this relationship 
→ user8 well he’s been with yn almost as long as he’s been with mercedes so they practically are at this point 
user9 my favourite f1 couple
user10 i love their rich money vibes
roscoelovescoco happy’s anniversary’s mum and’s dad 
→ yn_ln my precious boy 
→ user11 now she needs a real baby 
danielriccairdo i can’t believe she’s managed to put up with you for ten years 😂 huge love to you both
→ yn_ln ngl, it’s been tough
→ lewishamilton i’m taking the ferrari back 
user12 wedding and baby when? 
georgerussell63 happy 10 year anniversary. yn is my favourite part of you being my teammate 
→ carmenmmundt can we keep her when you go to ferrari?
→ charles_leclerc no. it’s my turn now 
→ lewishamilton i think you’re all forgetting that she’s mine 
mercedesamgf1 just posted
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mercedesamgf1 GET IN THERE, LEWIS 🏆🥇 LEWIS HAMILTON IS YOUR BRITISH GRAND PRIX WINNER 
23,441 comments
yn_ln my love. i honestly have not stopped crying since you crossed that line. i’m so proud of you. you deserved this and proved to everyone why you’re a motorsport legend
→ lewishamilton couldn't do it without your support 🩷
→ mercedesamgf1 it’s true. the mechanics were uncomfortable when they realised they couldn't just keep giving her tissues
georgerussell63 you deserve it, mate
valterribottas well done champ
user1 can’t believe he won silverstone the same weekend he celebrated 10 years with yn 
→ user2 she’s always been his good luck charm. he performs so well when she’s watching
→ user3 they’re the dream team together 
user4 the fact that yn is the only one he responded to
user5 she’s getting it good tonight
skysportsf1 posted a new interview
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user6 oh no, lewis…
user7 lewis, she was asking what was next for you and yn, relationship wise
user8 oh, that’s not quite
user9 i hope yn doesn’t see this otherwise i fear lewis might be in the doghouse tonight 
→ user10 i hope she does see it so that she knows he’s not thinking of her future in the same way 
user11 i always thought lewis loved yn as much as yn loved lewis but now i’m not sure
user12 it’s the fact that the poor interviewer looked upset at his answer as well. like she hoped for better
→ user13 we all hoped for better 
user14 it’s the fact that she’s always talked about wanting kids and getting married but has always said they’re waiting until lewis is ready
→ user15 the fact that every year passes and he never indicates that he’s ready for any of it though 
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replies to @/F1Wags
user1 lewis still follows yn
→ user2 and still has all of his photos up, including their anniversary post 
→ user1 i’m hoping this means he’s in denial and is still trying to win her back
user3 i can’t believe this is real. she went all the way back and deleted everything related to him in 10 years. even edited posts to delete slides he was in
→ user4 dedicated queen
user5 just fell to my knees in walmart
user6 i’m devastated but i also hope this means she finds a man who will be prepared to give her the life she wants 
→ user7 well, more fool her for staying this long
→ user6 not really. ever think she wanted those things because she wanted them with lewis
→ user8 don’t break my heart like this please  
replies to @/WeDon'tThink
user9 okay but your pen was on fire when you wrote that 
user10 he literally had the best weekend of his life with a 10yr anniversary, winning silverstone and then clearly messed it all up somehow in the end 
user11 if sir lewis hamilton can’t even do right, what hope do the rest of us have in finding a decent man
→ user12 no because they looked just as in love as they did 10 years ago and he still fumbled
user13 i saw rumours it was because he gave her an ultimatum and she didn’t take the path he wanted 
→ user14 what do you mean?
→ user13 apparently “close sources” said that he told her if she wanted kids, she couldn't have him and so she left 
→ user14 wtf!!! good on her for dumping his ass
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calvinklein and yn_ln just posted
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calvinklein @/yn_ln is stunning in calvin klein underwear. shop the collection now 
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yn_ln oh okay. i look goooood 
→ alexandrasaintmleux i would let you take me home
→ carmenmmundt me too
→ georgerussell63 excuse me, i don’t agree with this
user1 aha, nico we see you 
→ user2 and fernando
landonorris oh so he fumbled bad 
→ oscarpiastri they’re going to take your social media off you again
user3 is this her version of a revenge dress?
→ user4 more like undress
user5 not sure why you wouldn’t want to marry and give a baby to a woman like that 
→ user6 okay, ew
user7 can we appreciate how she’s handled this with class. instead of speaking out against lewis, she’s been booked and busy and flitting about europe on modelling jobs 
→ user8 just further proof that he managed to lose the best woman ever 
roscoelovescoco you’s look’s nice, mum
→ user9 i know lewis hires someone to run this account but what are the odds that he’s actually behind it now so he can stalk yn 
yn_ln please can we all focus on the clothes and support how hot i look by buying some! 
→ danielricciardo don’t even have tits but you convinced me to buy a bra
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lewishamilton just posted
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lewishamilton mixed feelings about today. obviously happy for a win but very disappointing for george and the team missing out on a 1-2
7,744 comments
georgerussell63 we put up a good fight today
user1 not really a deserved win though, is it
user2 you fumbled yn and now you’re fumbling wins. you only got this because merc screwed over george 
roscoelovescoco well’s done’s dad
user3 see what happens when you play a good woman, you get a dirty win
user4 man needs to act his age. can’t believe at the grand age of 39, he strung along a girl who loved him more than anything for 10 years
→ user5 destroyed my faith in men for real 
user6 robbed a win from george like you robbed 10 years from yn 
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I wrote this out and was really proud of it and then when I was adding the other driver’s versions on, I realised it was the same principal as Daniel’s so I’m so sorry for the repeated plot
Baby Fever Angst Masterlist
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awrkive · 2 days ago
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THE LOVE PROGNOSIS, fin. — JJK (m.)
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for as long as you can remember, you’ve always been a hopeless romantic.
the girl who’s always dreamt of cheesy encounters with her soulmate, grand love declarations, and a cute little beach wedding to boot. but reality pretty much slaps you hard right on the face, because love, unfortunately, doesn’t come grand — it’s simple and it’s quiet, but it is quite painful, especially when the love that you’ve been seeking for all your adult life has just been right under your nose all this time.
PAIRING jungkook x female reader // mingyu x female reader
GENRE r18+ (angst, fluff, smut) MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
CHAPTER WORD COUNT 43.2k idcccccc atp😭 take ur time!
CHAPTER WARNINGS/MISC medical!au, roommates!au, surgeon!jk, surgeon!reader (they are both 4th year residents and are co-workers), corporate lawyer!mingyu, oc and jk are bffs since med school but their love language is fighting each other <3, jk and mingyu are bffs during undergrad, hopeless romantic!oc. dont read further warnings if u dont wanna be spoiled: ANGST. im aware i kinda overkilled it here but uh.. hear me out! explicit sexual content [ male mast*rbation, oral s*x (f&m receiving), making out, dry h*mping, penetr*tive s*x (protected and unprotected, missionary, cowgirl, doggy, spooning), a bit of c*mplay, jk <3 boobs, ily kink (redacted) cries during sex lol ]. FLUFFy fluff fluffff 😖 some of the scenes give very much like 2000s romcom vibes but idc sue me also theres a #merder reference ifykyk
NOTES we have finally reached the end! sorry it took me a month to get this out sjdfhd but its here and its long as fuck n im so proud of this and happy that i finished a series!! for once!!! will always love my silly tlp couple and the characters 🥹 let me know ur thoughts on my inbox oki and circulate by liking and reblogging if u enjoyed reading hihi ty ok bye enjoy reading!🫵🏼🫵🏼 [ important: pls make sure to read the note below ]
[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] // [ MAIN MASTERLIST ]
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A day passed since the fiasco at the villa happened and Jungkook and you have acted like total strangers since then. The rest of your friends easily took notice of it; the silence between you two on the ride to the airport, the not-so discreet way you avoided each other at the waiting area, even going as far as exchanging seats inside the plane when on any other day, you two didn’t mind being close together physically. 
Jungkook knows absolutely that the avoidance is doing you both a disservice. You’re both grown adults and going to extreme lengths to ignore each other – like not even looking at the other when you bump in the hospital hallways – is a one-way ticket to your relationship’s foundations crumbling. 
That thought terrified Jungkook so much that he decided to come clean tonight. Talk to you properly when his mind is cleared and there was no Mingyu to aggravate his thoughts and project actions he’s not necessarily proud of – because the fight was juvenile, he knows that. Him committing and giving in to violence is not something he wants you to see, no matter the context. You were right when you said that was not him, and Jungkook can’t have you thinking otherwise.
When he steps in front of your apartment door, he thinks if you’re already there. He isn’t entirely sure. You two haven’t seen each other at the hospital and you haven’t been texting him either.  You might still be doing your rounds, he thought, but when he opens the door to your unit and trudges his feet to the living room, he catches a sight of you going out from your bedroom.
The two of you freeze upon seeing each other, but Jungkook’s surprise soon turns into confusion when he notices the carry-on luggage in your hand.
“Oh, you’re here,” You utter, filling the silence in the air. “I was just going.” 
“Where?” Jungkook instantly asks, taking you both by surprise. 
But you quickly recover. You give him a small smile – but what Jungkook clearly sees is a wince.  
“I’m going over to my sister’s,” You must’ve seen the way Jungkook’s boring holes at your pink luggage, and so you take a glance at it momentarily, tugging on the handle to scoot it over closer to your side. You clear your throat. “I’m staying there for a while.” 
Jungkook feels a certain weight drop on his shoulders, his lips parting at your declaration. 
“__, i-if this is about what I said, you don’t have to leave—”
You cut him off quickly. “No. It’s not that. I just… I just need some time away.”
Even though he doesn’t like the implication, he gets you.
Blinking, he thinks what to say next. Jungkook doesn’t want to say the wrong words – he’s well aware of the fact that he's put his foot in his mouth back at the resort, and he’s not fucking up the second time around. 
While he intended to talk to you tonight to address the elephant between you two, he also understands completely why you need time for yourself. It was too much. He told you a lot of things and he can’t expect you to process all of them in a single day.  
So, he nods, still stricken, heart heavy when he looks at you again. “Okay.” 
“Okay.” You repeat, voice a little louder than him. A pregnant pause, and you’re pulling up the handle of your luggage again, the wheels gliding on the floorboards as you begin to head towards the door to your apartment.
Jungkook doesn’t mean to sound so alarmed when he suddenly blurts out, “Now?” 
He doesn’t even know why. It was the obvious. You’ve packed your things – you’re heading out. But he couldn’t stop himself. It’s like there’s a sense of fear clouding his mind the more this moment of you leaving stretches out further.
You stop on your tracks, blinking at him. “Y-yeah?” 
“Oh.” Jungkook feels his hand itching to do something. Something stupid like grab your wrist gently to make you stay. 
But he knows that’s futile. He doesn’t have the right to make you stay if you don’t want to in the first place. 
“Seokjin’s actually coming in a few minutes,” you tell him, glancing at your phone. “My sister’s still at work, so she made him pick me up.” 
Jungkook can only give you a nod.
It makes sense for your brother-in-law to come pick you up. It also makes sense for you to stay over their place considering that their apartment isn’t that far from the hospital and you won’t have a hard time commuting to work if you planned to stay there for a little while. 
He wonders, though, why you aren’t staying at Doyeon’s instead… he doesn’t know if you’ve talked already, but from what it seems, you aren’t talking to the rest of your friends, either; judging by the way he hasn’t seen you together with any of them at the hospital. Taehyung had suggested that maybe you just need time, to which Doyeon and Nayeon agreed to. Jungkook can’t help but feel bad, though. You’re seemingly coming out isolated at the end of his own doing. If you’re avoiding your friends just because of him, that would be extremely unfair to you. Taehyung, Doyeon and Nayeon are just as much as your friends as they are his, and during these times, you should feel comfortable taking solace in their friendship like how he’s leaning on them currently.
Guilt washes over him at the thought. He can’t bear thinking about you hurting in the process of all of this. He just wants so badly to make it up to you, for you both to be okay again. You didn’t even have to acknowledge what he said – about him being in love with you. You could totally ignore it and act like it never happened, go on about your days like nothing changed as long as you’re by his side.
It hurts. It hurts that even when you’re just physically within his reach right now, he can’t seem to get a hold of you. And he has no one to blame but himself. 
A phone rings and Jungkook watches as you fish out your device from your pockets. 
“Must be Jin.” you say, picking up the call. You exchange a few words with your brother-in-law for a few seconds before hanging up and looking at him again. “He’s outside already.” 
Jungkook nods, biting back the words that consist of something stupid like “don’t leave”. 
“Your car…?” He hesitates, remembering how you’d drive to work. 
“It broke again yesterday. I’m actually… uh… thinking of just selling it. Get it over with.”
Your car. You mentioned your parents have turned it over to you during your junior year in college. It always broke in the most inconvenient times – like the one time you had a bad date, and you panicked-texted him about the car towing company not picking up. It was a Sunday and Jungkook was supposed to go over some paper works, but he scrambled out of his room to get you – and he didn’t regret it one bit because you were actually crying the moment he arrived. You had been overstimulated, what with another failed date and your broken car – it was all too much. And you just needed Jungkook to be there. You told him so. 
Jungkook cherishes those moments a lot. Not because you cried in them – he always felt like it was a punch to the gut whenever he sees you even an ounce of upset – but because it tells him that you trust him with that vulnerable side of you. It means he’s important enough to you to let him in your life. It’s one of those moments where Jungkook truly steps back to reevaluate your relationship – because sure, it could be merely friendship to anybody, but Jungkook doesn’t really think so. Your bond runs deeper than friendship, and he doesn’t even mean romantic. It’s the… camaraderie. The partnership.
He could’ve confessed a long time ago – that’s what people kept saying, but what they don’t know is that he has so much to lose. You are more than just the woman he would love to kiss and make love to or call his girlfriend – you’re the love of his life, you’re everything to him. And if he can’t have you in any way, he’d truly break. 
And now that everything’s said and done – with him finally baring his truth to you – it’s come to this.
You, leaving.
The silence that follows pricks Jungkook’s skin like needles, and the creak of your steps on the floorboards ring in his ears – a daunting harsh whisper of your farewell – although it’s just temporary. 
But something worries him. 
What if it’s not temporary? What if during your stay at your sister’s place, you decide to completely get rid of his company for the good and better? 
It’s all those frantic thoughts that urges him to call your name, but he doesn’t expect your voice overlapping with his as you say his name at the same time. 
Jungkook’s lips curl up slightly. “What is it?” 
Predictably, you wave your hand at him. “No, you first.”
“It’s okay.” 
Your hand hovers over the handle of your suitcase as you pass by him, stopping on the threshold of your apartment. “I just…” you trail off. You look at Jungkook for a moment. “I just wanted to say bye. And uh… that… I drank all your banana milk in the fridge. But I’ll wire you the money later. Or buy you another batch and I’ll give it to you at the hospital or—”
Jungkook cuts you off by calling out your name, broken by a laugh of amusement. His first smile today, maybe. You look at him wide-eyed. It’s fascinating the way you have him completely wrapped around your finger and you’re not even doing anything.
“It’s fine. You don’t need to wire me anything.” 
“Oh... well, I’m still sorry.” He nods, giving you a small smile. “What was it you wanted to tell me, then?” 
Right now, he forgets what it was even all about. “Just, uh, please tell your sister and Seokjin hyung I said hi.”  
Jungkook doesn’t want to delude himself into thinking that your face flashed a look of disappointment for the briefest moment after he said the words. At the back of his mind, he thinks you were expecting more – but he knows he’s reaching, grasping for straws, and he’s just desperate for anything from you he can’t really rationalize his line of thinking. 
So with a final wave of your hand – a bit timid – you turn around and open the door to your unit, and Jungkook watches as your form disappears completely, leaving him stoned in his position in the middle of the living room for a long time; head empty, body numb, until he gathers time to collect himself and finally move over to the bathroom, where he takes a cold shower in hopes for an improved mood.
It didn’t really do anything, and he found himself having a hard time sleeping – waking up randomly during the wee hours of the morning.
When he stirs awake from his blaring alarm at 5:30, he’s nothing but adrift.
It feels weird when he goes to the kitchen and he doesn’t see you, as he expects you to be there in whatever worn up shirt from high school you still have, making toast or some quick breakfast – with your playlist playing from your phone – but you weren’t. 
And Jungkook remembers that would be the case for another few days to come. Something he has to be okay with.
For the meantime.
He hopes.   
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Jungkook doesn’t get drunk often, but now, his friends are assuming he is. For the record, though, he is not drunk and they are just exaggerating. Sure, he’s staggering and he’s mixing up his syllables and grammar – but he swears he just feels a little woozy.
“Jungkook,” Doyeon calls him, laughing a bit. “Come on, Taehyung’s driving you home.” 
“Don’t want to,” He says as he takes another swig of his fifth canned beer he’s been consuming since they all arrived at the barbecue place. “I can handle my alcohol.”
Which — fair. That’s not new news. But still—
“No shit, you have a shift tomorrow at eleven in the morning. Don’t be stubborn. It’s time to go home.” 
“It’s fine, I’ll Uber back.” 
Jungkook watches as Doyeon rolls her eyes. 
“Are you really moping right now?” 
He sends her a glare – one that she predictably does not take seriously. “‘M not moping. You’re moping.” 
“And I’m Kate Bush. Taehyung, can you just drag Jungkook out of here? I think he’s gonna cry any minute now and the auntie is closing. We gotta go.” Nayeon butts in, and even though her words may seem harsh around the edges, she looks at Jungkook with a concerned gaze. The playful atmosphere from earlier now dissipating.
Jungkook appreciates the warmth that he gets from Nayeon’s gentle approach to everything – but right now, all it does is make him feel pitiful. Doyeon’s right. He is moping. Moping for something that should’ve been within his control in the first place.
“Man, you know you bench way more than me. I can’t carry you out all by myself if you’re all drunk and shit.” Taehyung nudges him on the shoulder, enough to make Jungkook move from his seat. He only grumbles.
Doyeon sighs. “What do you want, Jungkook? Call __? Tell her you’re getting wasted and come pick you up?” 
Jungkook visibly flinches at the mention of you.
Ever since they arrived at the restaurant, Jungkook has noticed that his friends have been deliberately omitting your name in the conversation – until now, anyway. He thinks they all planned this spontaneous hang to “cheer him up” or whatever the fuck Taehyung said on their way here – which seemed like a slip-up, because Doyeon had hit the back of his head lightly right after saying it. 
They’re walking on eggshells around him like he’s some kind of house of cards – one nudge and a blow and he comes crumbling down.
Jungkook hates getting doted on like this. It’s not like you two broke up. They just knew that you went to stay at your sister’s place for a while and you never said when you’re coming back. He hasn’t had any encounters with you at the hospital nowadays – you’re getting good at hiding from him and the rest of the gang, and every single day bleeds into countless sleepless nights. You’ve been gone for five days; no calls, or at least a text. And it seems like you deactivated your IG. You aren’t tweeting or reblogging shit on Twitter as well. You’ve gone completely silent – and with every waking moment that Jungkook spends a day without your presence, it feels like you’re slowly slipping through his fingers.
“No.” he glares at the three of them. Standing up, he feels his vision dancing at the sudden action.
Well. Maybe he is sort of drunk. A little. 
“Hey, man, let’s go.” Taehyung ushers once again. This time, Jungkook acquiesces but with a groan. Nonetheless, he lets Taehyung wrap his arm around him to prevent him from tripping on his own feet.
When Jungkook manages to stand firm on the ground, he shuts his eyes tight to get a hold of himself and once again look at Doyeon and Nayeon who are still sitting by the table. With a confused expression, he asks, “Thought we’re all going?” 
“Minhyuk will pick me up.” Nayeon says. Jungkook nods, directing his gaze to Doyeon.
“Somebody’s picking me up, too,” When Jungkook squints his eyes at her, she rolls her eyes. “Don’t start. Tae, drive safely, okay? You didn’t drink, right?” 
Taehyung shakes his head and gives both women a reassuring nod before they head out of the building when goodbyes were bid, with Taehyung still pressing a hand on Jungkook’s back because he’s still a bit unstable on his feet. It’s not bad, though, Jungkook doesn’t think so. He just feels dizzy and shit, but it’s not anything water can’t solve.
Fuck, now he wants to get in bed as soon as possible. After a cold shower. 
“Sorry, man.” he says as he plops down on the passenger’s seat, buckling the seatbelt around himself. 
Taehyung comfortably settles on the driver’s seat, adjusting the rearview mirror a bit before starting the engine. But not after he responded to Jungkook with a snort, “It’s fine.” 
It’s a quiet car ride and Jungkook can already feel his eyelids threatening to fall, the haze of sleep already clouding his mind. He can’t recall how far it takes from the restaurant to his complex, but soon enough, Taehyung’s voice wakes him up from his stupor. 
“You okay there?” 
Jungkook hums, leaning back to relax his nerves. A minute flies and he sighs loudly, making Taehyung look at him momentarily.
“Don’t sleep on me. Again, I am not willing to carry you all the way to your apartment, fucker.”
That makes Jungkook laugh, a snicker escaping past his lips. It makes Taehyung do the same, scoffing at his friend as he did so. The car ride continues into a stretched-out comfortable silence before Taehyung breaks it with a question of, “You two still haven’t talked?” 
Jungkook stiffens at the mention, and he knows his friend notices the way he did, but he quickly tries to shake it off. “Yeah. She’s still at her sister’s.” Taehyung nods. When Jungkook looks at him, he decides to ask, “What ‘bout you? She reached out yet?” 
“No.”
Jungkook inhales a sharp breath. 
This is bad. You’re ignoring all your friends because of him. 
“Sorry.” Jungkook says after a pregnant pause.
“What for?”
“Dunno. Feels like it’s all my fault,” a sigh escapes past his lips again. “You guys don’t deserve to get caught up in this.”
“Jungkook,” There’s a lilt to Taehyung’s voice that reminds Jungkook again that the man beside him is older than he is and sometimes, Taehyung can be way more mature, almost like an older brother. He forgets their age difference most of the time. “Don’t say that.  __ just needs her time. She’ll come around.”
The smile Jungkook gives his way is bitter but it’s a smile, nonetheless.
“I don’t know, Tae,” He leans his head back on the seat, staring at nothing in particular. “It’s different this time.”
“You’ve fought before,” Taehyung points out. “How is this different?” 
Jungkook does know what he’s trying to point out. He may be referring to the time in third year of med school when you didn’t talk to him for a month – but still. This, right now – whatever is happening – is far from what happened back then.
“Just different,” He shrugs, a poor attempt at nonchalance so Taehyung doesn’t think he’s being pathetic. “I feel like this is it.” Taehyung looks at him curiously when the red light turns on. It makes Jungkook squirm, but he voices out what he feels, anyway. “I’m losing her.”
That felt weird the moment it slips his tongue. For the past few days, it’s been in his head – making up the mess of his thoughts. When he said that, for once, it felt like finality. Like its verbalization actually made it real. 
He does feel like he’s losing you. And it feels like the absolute truth.
“You can’t say that when you haven’t even talked to her, Jungkook,” Taehyung says and he says it so firmly. When Jungkook studies the older guy’s face, it’s etched with sincerity, especially when he adds, “Do you really think she’ll let go of an almost decade-long relationship just because of what happened? Frankly speaking, even if she does not feel the same way about you at all, I know her enough to know that she’ll have at least the decency to let you down properly. I think she’s just trying to think all of this through. She’ll talk when her head’s clear.” 
Jungkook finds himself processing his words. You are exactly like that. You’re the type of person to need your personal space when you’re confronted by huge predicaments. When he thinks about it – you have so much on your plate. Mingyu, him, your relationship with each of them; Jungkook realizes things must be so hard for you right now, both emotionally and physically. And you’re dealing with all this while still showing up for your rotations.
“You’re right.” Jungkook whispers. 
“Just… time, okay? You both need time.” Taehyung says and for once, Jungkook smiles a genuine one. 
The light turns green, and Taehyung continues to drive. 
Taehyung decided to turn up his jazz playlist and it eased Jungkook’s mind a bit. But it did lull him to sleep all the way to his apartment complex. Thankfully though, it only took Taehyung a few seconds of nudging him before he stirred awake, disoriented when he opened his eyes only to hear his friend say they were already there, ushering him out of his car. 
He said his thanks to Taehyung, and his friend made sure to tell him to take it easy before he took off. When he was gone, Jungkook went straight to the elevator to press his floor, mind and body working on autopilot as he sauntered over the hallway to stop in front of his unit.
When the door opens, he feels a sense of calmness at the sight of his own place with everything at his disposal including the bathroom that he quickly head towards, not hesitating to strip himself naked on the way to the shower, letting his clothes form a heap on the threshold; bare and naked without a care in the world.
Stepping into the shower box, he turns the showerhead on, hissing at the cold water spraying onto his skin. He needed the cold to get rid of his sluggishness – and it works just as instantly as he’d hoped. 
Both of his hands shoot up to brush his hair off his forehead, and he stays in that position for awhile; with the water running on his body and his head leaned back a bit, eyes closed as he relaxes. 
He mindlessly reaches for his shampoo bottle, but when he opens the cap, he smells a completely different product. What welcomes him when he opens his eyes back again is the familiar sight of Bath and Body works bottle. Your water lily springs body wash.
Despite his current headspace, it brings a smile to Jungkook’s lips.
Right.
He’s noticed in the past few days that you left it in your shared bathroom. Considering all the things that you still have around the apartment, it didn’t really look like you packed a lot of things when you left – which should ease Jungkook’s mind. Still, though; the small size of your luggage and the quantity of what you brought with you do not matter when you still aren’t home. 
And with that, Jungkook feels himself slipping back into… mulling again. And he can’t help but heave out a sigh. 
He just… wants to rest for tonight. Just wants his head emptied out. Relax. He feels like he’s been on edge for the longest of time and he just needs some sort of – he’s not sure – comfort? Maybe something along the lines? 
And as if his hand has a mind on its own, he grips the bottle of your body wash and squirts an ample amount on his palm, the scent of water lily springs surrounding the confined space of the shower immediately. 
He lathers it all over his chest, inhaling the gentle waft and how it weirdly calms him from the inside. The room smells just like you. He smells just like you. And it isn’t the first time he’s doing this – he’s always liked the way you smelled, and he may have used your body wash by accident countless of times. Jungkook sometimes does it just to tease you – because you always point it out when you notice that he smells the same, and then you get all irritated and it makes Jungkook keen because you’re just so goddamn cute when you glare at him and when you get mean. Teasing you also means that you’d get mad enough to sulk at him, and that gives him the opportunity to make it up to you; and making it up to you means he gets all of your attention. 
It’s pathetic but Jungkook’s not ashamed to admit that – just to himself, though. He likes when you give him attention, can you blame him?
His mind goes back to the memory of you cuddling with him on the ground at that random playground near your complex, how you snuggled up to his arm, giggling and threatening him to stop using your body wash. He remembers all the times you would cook together on nights when you’re both free – lounging on the couch mindlessly, either watching a show and debating over useless, stupid stuff – or when you would force him to rub your foot or massage your neck. Jungkook doesn’t relent until after you complain for a good five minutes. He’s gotten better at pretending overtime that he doesn’t look forward to touching any part of you.
At that thought, he recalls the way your back felt on his hands when he rubbed sunscreen all over it when you were at the resort. How the plane of your gorgeous skin felt so smooth to the touch, how you make him feel even with just the slightest baring of your skin. 
Jungkook shuts his close when his mind goes into overdrive.
You. You. You and your bikini. You and your short shorts that might as well just be panties in disguise. You and those cute little, tight camisoles you always wear around the apartment. How he could just sometimes see the outline of your nipples where the thin material of your shirt clings to. How your bare legs look so good when you cross them while reading the paper on a Sunday morning by the kitchen island. How your breasts look like they could fit in Jungkook’s big palms with a bit of overspill – enough to drive him insane. 
These are the thoughts in Jungkook’s head as he continues to lather the liquidy texture of your body wash all over his body – and when his hand finally nudges the dick in between his legs, he groans. 
He’s not a stranger to getting off to the thought of you – you’re a gorgeous woman and it doesn’t really help the fact that he’s been in love with you for god knows how long – but it doesn’t mean that he does it guilt-free. He almost always feels like shit afterwards. 
But he can’t help it. Not when you’re all over his head again. Not when he’s thinking about how good it would probably fucking feel if he could just have a taste of your plump lips. How it would feel if he could just suck on your neck, paint you with his love there, down to your cleavage then play with both of your tits with his hands – be greedy with it – get your nipples rock hard and pretty tight for him, suck and latch and nip and lick them, make sure it’s all wet before he goes down more south. 
God. He thinks about it all the time. How’d it feel to go down on you. You’re so fucking pretty he could just imagine how gorgeous you would look down there, too. Were you the type to like getting eaten out? Jungkook hopes so. Because he would do everything to satisfy you. Fuck, he’d be so good to you. He’d tease your clit with his thumb first and you’d tell him that you’re aching for him bad – and he’d cave in and get his first taste with the flat of his tongue and fuck. You probably taste so good he’d crave it for days to come. 
The next thing Jungkook knows, he’s holding the base of his cock firmly, feeling it getting harder every second. It grows in his hand as he continues to think about eating your pussy, imagining the sounds you’d let out, how you’d look extra beautiful getting fucked by his tongue. Shit. He’d do it so well if you just asked. 
Jungkook traps his bottom lip with his teeth as he starts teasing his own cock, already in its full mass, hard and standing tall against his abdomen. He can see the shiny texture of his tip, precum leaking out, begging to be touched. He doesn’t wait any second to thumb the liquid off his head, letting out a half-sigh, half-hiss at how sensitive it felt, especially when he runs it over the veiny base.
Inhaling a sharp breath, Jungkook steps back a bit to cup his balls, squeezing it just enough to make him close his eyes. He repeats the motion of sliding his hand up and down his erect cock, feeling himself getting wetter at every second that passes. 
He gets a picture of you on your knees, and as he pumps himself at a slow pace, he imagines it’s you instead kneading him. You have slender fingers and pretty nails, it would feel so much better if they were wrapped around his cock right now. Your nails would scrape against his length, and you’ve held hands enough times for Jungkook to know that his hand is significantly bigger than yours, so you probably won’t fit all of him in your hand – but that’s alright. You’d tease him on the tip instead, spread his precum all over, get him needing and wanting more. 
Jungkook’s hips start to buck as he speeds up his pace, this time jacking himself harder as his mind jumps to more thoughts of you  — but this time around, you’re not on your knees: you’re pressed on the glass wall of the shower box, your ass bent for all of him to caress and squeeze, and you’re craning your head to look at him with hooded eyes, lips parted into a gorgeous “o” as you beckon him to come closer and put his hard dick in your warm, tight, and aching pussy. 
“Fuck.” Jungkook curses as he lets his forehead fall to the wall, resting there for a few good seconds, other hand scrambling to turn off the shower and quickly shutting his eyes close as he pictures himself thrusting into you instead of his stupid fucking hand.
“Shit, shit, shit—” He hisses, hand going faster around his length, pumping himself desperately to the thought of his dick sliding in and out of you.
Your moans would fill the tight room, and you’d sound so pretty. You’d be so pliant against the strong arm that he would wrap you with — and Jungkook would make sure to flick your nipples and fondle your breasts as he pounds into you from behind.
“Fuuuuck…” 
He grunts and he moans, hand impossibly going faster — dick getting harder. He just wants a release. He wants to cum so bad — to kiss you and love you and have you say it back with the same earnestness as him. 
Jungkook wants so badly to have you in his arms right after he eats you out, to cuddle with you and pretend like you have all the time in the world after he’s made sure to make love to every single inch of your body. To caress your hair and press a kiss on your head anytime he likes – because he’s allowed to. Because you love him. He just wants to be able to touch you in any way possible. Run his fingers over your back, kiss your cheeks, and your scrunched nose. Just wants to bury his face in your chest after a long day at work. Hold you tight against him. Have you close to him, whenever and wherever. 
But he doesn’t have all that. He can’t have all that. Not when you don’t even feel the same. Not when you reacted that way when he told you he loves you more than just his best friend. 
“I’m sorry, but I just can’t wrap my head around it. You’re not telling me the whole truth and frankly, I don’t believe you.”  
Your words ring in his ears as he continues to jack himself. 
The memory is still so vivid in his head — the surprised look on your face — certainly not the pleasant one. You were so… surprised. And angry. Like you didn’t believe any of what he said. Like you were trying hard to convince yourself that whatever you were hearing from him wasn’t true. 
Because she doesn’t feel the same way. Jungkook thinks.
He remembers the night you left. How you could barely look him in the eyes. 
“Shit—” Jungkook hisses as he squeezes his balls, hand pumping faster around his swollen cock. He closes his eyes as he tries to regulate his breathing, his stomach tightening at his impending release – and it’s the last thing he does in favor of his own sanity before his mind slips back again to life without you in it. 
He would never have you. He can never be anything to you anymore. 
He will never be, especially as he looks down at his hand on his cock.
How pathetic.
What would you think if you were to see him right now, getting himself off by imagining it’s you instead? You’d be so disgusted. You’d look at him like he’s a different person and feel betrayed because – how could the person you trust think about you like this? 
There’s that sense of self-hatred again that Jungkook feels whenever he jacks off to you. That fear of you finding out and not liking it. 
Jungkook tugs at his cock angrily as he thinks about all that, and he doesn’t notice that the stinging in the sides of his eyes would soon turn into tears running down his cheeks as he tries to reach his climax. 
You would hate him so much. You don’t even like him anymore. Don’t even want to live with him anymore.
But he just wants to cum so bad. Just wants to feel some sort of clarity. Delude himself into basking in that quick dopamine. 
He traps a sob in his throat as he makes quick work of his cock, and with one last squeeze around his tight balls, he shoots his hot cum to the wall, hips bucking at his orgasm. 
Letting out a series of hushed curses, Jungkook continues to pump his cock for more until he feels sensitive, and his dick turns soft and languid against his legs. 
He grabs the shower head to spray the cum off the wall, feeling the water already turning lukewarm. When he finishes cleaning his mess up, he grabs your body wash and exits the shower, throwing the bottle in the trash can with haste as if it burned him. As he turns back around, he catches sight of himself over the lavatory’s mirror. 
There are dark circles under his eyes — not too visible — but they’re there. His eyes are red from crying, and suddenly his body itches. He should shower again and actually clean up this time.
But Jungkook realizes as he stares at himself again… he has never looked so tired. Not even in med school. Or during internship. 
This whole thing is taking a toll on him – he knows that well by now. Even his friends do as well. He’s fucking up his sleeping schedule and he’s not even eating properly. He hits the gym not because he wants to but because it helps shut down his head.
Jungkook sighs. 
He’s long accepted that the love he holds for you is so big it sometimes borders on piteous. He’s spent so many years going into this kind of phase where he just mulls over the same thing; that he loves you, but you will never ever feel the same way back.
And the thing is, he's always been okay with it. Jungkook loves loving you. He’d be a fool not to when he genuinely thinks that you were made to be loved.  
But at this point, he just feels… tired.
Exhausted. Empty.
He wants to sleep. He wants to rest. He wants to wake up the next day and not feel like shit anymore.
Maybe Doyeon was right back at the villa.
It is time to move on.
And maybe… just maybe… unlike all the other times he’s attempted to do the same thing, this time around will be successful.
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Your 7am to 2pm shift had just concluded when you arrived at your sister’s place, only to see them both all dolled up, ready to go out.
They told you that you could come with them if you liked, but of course you refused. You’re not the type to interrupt a date and they were certainly too in love for your liking. Don’t get you wrong, you love that for both – but you’re getting pretty sick of romance these days and you’re trying to avoid it as much as possible. Seokjin made sure to throw another one of his “Don’t mope around, okay? We have Macallan in the cupboards. You know the one.” jokes, though – having already known why you’re here in the first place – and your sister pinched his ear painfully enough for you to ignore and roll your eyes at him lightheartedly. 
Which leads you to now, binge-eating a left-over tub of vanilla ice cream on a Sunday afternoon from last night’s impulsive purchase. You know it’s going to make you feel like shit later, but you can’t really bring yourself to care – not when the ice cream tastes too good paired with a Sex and The City episode. 
You like to delude yourself you’re the early season Miranda; independent, boss bitch, career-driven, straightforward but kind. But you had a mortifying realization that maybe you’re actually Carrie. You’re both so obsessed with love and glorify the idea of “The One” that you overlook red flags in a guy just to stay in a relationship. And for what? To be completely broken and fucked over in the end of it all. 
But you don’t want to be Carrie – sure, she has a special place in your heart as a fictional character but real-life Carries, with all of their delusions and ideals, are not meant for the real world.  
“You’re watching that show again?”
You almost fall over the couch when you hear a familiar voice behind you, and when you crane your neck to look who it was, your eyes widen.
“Mom!” you exclaim, rightfully surprised. Your mother – in the flesh – smiles as she sees you grin. “Oh my god, I didn’t know you’d be here— wait, how’d you get inside?”
She waves you off. “You know your sister and Jin gave me a duplicate key to their place. Anyway, I’m just here to drop off some side dishes. Also, I know what you’ve been up to. And stop eating that ice cream.”
You pout, taking the tub away from you. When you see her walk towards the kitchen with her bags – presumably the side dishes she was talking about – you follow behind her steps, helping her load the containers in the fridge. 
“What do you mean you know what I’ve been up to?” 
“You and Jungkook fought, I heard.” 
“Mom,” you say with a tone that tells her you don’t want to talk about it at all. 
“You know I’m going over there shortly to give him these, right? Supposed to be for the both of you, but oh well, you’re lounging around here.” She says. 
“I’m not lounging around here. They love that I’m here.” You counter, referring to your sister and Seokjin. It almost sounded like a whine, though, more than anything. But it was true! They like you being here! They’ve always treated you like their child… but you know you’re kind of pushing it with your sixth-day-stay. 
Your mother looks at you disapprovingly, loading the last container before shutting the fringe doors shut. 
“Whatever you’re fighting about, you know avoiding it is not going to make it better.” 
You sigh. “I’m not even sure if we’re fighting, anyway.” 
“What’s that mean?” Your mom asks, sounding confused. You can imagine.
“I don’t know… just – I don’t think we’re angry at each other.”
“Not being angry at each other is worse than being angry at each other. That sounds like withdrawal.” 
You wince at her words. “Maybe.” 
Your mom sighs. She takes out a bit from the container of stir-fried zucchini and slides you both a plate. “Have you been eating real food? You look like you’re not eating properly.”
Teenager and college you would’ve rolled your eyes because she always says that you’re losing weight and blah blah blah, but it’s not even true. However, you do know she’s just concerned, though, and so you nod your head, picking up a zucchini and eating it.
“Yes. Jin’s a good cook.”
She nods, eating as well. “So is Jungkook. He hasn’t talked to you at all?” 
You thought you’ve dodged the topic of Jungkook completely but apparently your mom’s still on that. You nibble on your bottom lip as you think what to say.
“He… uhm… he didn’t text or call.” Well. There was one time. Two days ago. And it was just a simple text about informing you of the sudden change in the OR schedule. You replied to it with a thanks and a smiley face, but he didn’t say anything after that — not that your thanks should guarantee anything. That was not exactly a conversation starter.
Still. 
“Have you talked to him?” 
Shoot. 
You shake your head a bit. 
The truth is that you can’t be sad about Jungkook not reaching out when you haven’t been doing the same thing either. You’re running away from him – you can admit that. The past week hasn’t been your proudest moment. You’ve thought it over countless times; why you just can’t go ahead and speak to him – because heck, for eight years you’ve always done a good job at it, communicating with each other when things went wrong. Like when he teases you too much and you actually get offended, and the same goes for him.
But what happened wasn’t just something that came out of a supposedly lighthearted banter. It wasn’t your usual banter at all. 
“What happened, sweetie?” And this time your mom’s voice is bordering on concern. 
You don’t look at her when you say, “Jungkook said he’s in love with me.” 
You don’t get a reaction. At least – the reaction you were expecting. You thought she would gasp, or at least let out an, “Oh”, but there’s none of that. When you peer up at her, she just nods. 
As if the news was no surprise. 
“And I take it didn’t go well?” She looks at you gently. 
“N-no,” you stammer. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you say, “It was – it was so messy that day, mom. You know we went to that resort for his birthday, right? He and my boyfriend fought, and just – so much happened. I don’t even remember half of it. Just that he told me he’s been in love with me for the past eight years.” 
Your mom nods. “Your boyfriend… is that Mingyu?” 
“Yes.” It feels weird to call him your boyfriend now. You used to be so giddy calling him that. But right now, it feels almost icky. 
“Why did Jungkook and him fight?” 
You told her what Jungkook told you – everything, and your mom is sweet almost all of the time but as she listens to everything that Mingyu supposedly did and say – especially about you – she can’t help but knit her brows in that quiet anger you know all too well now. But it soon dissipates to worry. 
She steps closer to you. You look at her with a sad smile. With that, she encloses her arms around you, and you let your chin fall on her shoulder as you reciprocate her hug. You almost cry when she squeezes you. “How are you feeling then, sweetie?” She asks, voice so gentle and soft. Comforting. You think this has been what you needed all this time.
“Like shit.” you chuckle. “I’ve never been so tired. I haven’t even talked to Mingyu yet – I haven’t been talking to anybody, even my friends. I don't know why I’m like this.” 
“You know I worry for you.”
“Hm?” 
“You’re such a lovely, sweet girl. And these men keep breaking your heart. I wish I can ease your pain, honey. You have the biggest heart in the world.” 
You nibble on your bottom lip as you feel that stinging in your eyes at her words. You remember Jungkook saying almost the exact same thing.
“Jungkook told me that sometime ago.” you say, holding back the cry you know is coming out any second now. 
“He knows you well.” She says as she caresses your head. 
“I just…” you let out a sigh again, trying to shake off the oncoming tears. “When he told me he loved me all this time, I said I didn’t believe him. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I still can’t.” 
“Do you think he would lie about something like that?” 
It’s firm and final when you say, “No.” Because you know in your heart that was true. Jungkook is anything but a liar. And especially about something like that… you just don’t think he would ever hurt you intentionally. That’d be cruel and Jungkook was never cruel. It’s just not in his nature. 
“Hm. Then is it because you don’t feel the same way at all? That’s why you can’t believe it?” Your mom asks and it’s the most groundbreaking question you’ve ever heard after a while. 
Do you just… not feel the same way? 
That was definitely the biggest question you’ve been avoiding answering. 
But as your mom pushes you slightly so she can look at you earnestly, gently, like she has no expectations whatsoever – just here to hold and comfort you – it beckons you into spilling your emotions. 
“I… I really don’t know, mom.” You intake a sharp breath. “He’s been a constant presence in my life for eight years. We’ve never– we’ve never considered the possibility of being more than just friends. I– I don’t know why he would love me. Or fall for me. He’s never shown interest, the way I saw it – but these days I’ve been rethinking that and I’m beating myself over for being stupid because it’s like – how could I have not known? He’s always been so caring towards me. Always makes time for me. He’s never let me down and he’s just – he’s my person, mom. Always has been. And how could I have thought that he didn’t mean for that to come off as purely platonic?” you stop, feeling your lips wobble. “It’s just… I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel. All I know is that these days without him have been so painful, especially when we haven’t properly talked. I miss him everyday and it kills me that we aren’t like before right now. I want to be by his side all the time, and I think I may have taken that for granted for the past eight years we’ve known each other.” 
You don’t realize you’ve let out so much, but your mom just lets you snuggle closer to her, knowing that you’re feeling a lot right now. And you do. You haven’t talked to anyone about what you really felt – not even your sister, even though you knew she did her best to do so – but as your mom soothes your back with the gentle rub of her hand, you let yourself be comforted. 
“You know what I think, honey?” 
You look up at her with teary eyes, nodding weakly.
She gives you a small smile. “Do you remember that time when I thought he was your boyfriend when you brought him for Christmas?” 
Nodding, you chuckle. Second year of med school it was. Eunwoo was in Switzerland for a a big project – and Jungkook’s parents weren’t in town. You both didn’t have anybody to celebrate Christmas with and so you ended up asking Jungkook to come home with you. 
It wasn’t just your mom who thought he was your boyfriend. Your sister and Seokjin also assumed the same thing. 
Around that time, you haven’t introduced Eunwoo to them yet so basically, they didn’t know that you were taken already. 
“I think this is just me being old… but you kind of… you get to know these things, __. You’ll see somebody's eyes, they way they gaze at somebody. When we were opening those gifts during Christmas eve, I saw the way that kid looked at my daughter with so much adoration that I even thought you were just being coy about him being your boyfriend.” 
Your lips curl into a tight line. 
You… certainly did not notice any of that. Did that really happen?
“I think Jungkook’s a good man, and your dad is fond of him – he asked me yesterday if you’re gonna bring him for Thanksgiving or Christmas, he misses his chess buddy, it seems. No pressure, though,” your mom chuckles. “But Jungkook’s smart, kind, polite, works hard, really charming—” you laugh again, despite yourself, because that’s definitely true. He charmed your parents so quickly with ease. It’s just really about his pleasant personality that attaches people to him. “But most especially, he makes you really happy. I liked that Jaehyun guy and Eunwoo because they made you happy when you were together. Up until they didn’t. I only like people who are good to you, sweetie. That was why I liked your ex-boyfriends for a while,” She begins caressing your head again and you feel like a little girl again, finding comfort in your mom’s bedroom after a bad day at middle school. Your mom smiles softly before she continues, “But those men hurt you. And they leave you. And you know who hasn’t in the past eight years? The only one who’s been consistent in making you happy?” 
It’s Jungkook. He’s always been under your nose while you cried over other men, and he was there to support you through it all. He’s the one who makes you laugh at his stupid jokes. The one who sits with you in your feelings on days when you don’t feel your best. He’s the one who lets you cry on his shoulder when a surgery doesn’t go well, the guy who would drop everything for you with one text or call, the guy who gifts you stupid, stupid random things because they reminded him of you. He’s the guy who shares his playlists with you, comments silly stuff on your equally silly posts, and he’s the only one who has never, ever made you feel like you’re not enough. He’s the only one who has never left and hurt you. 
It’s always been Jungkook. 
Your mom doesn’t need to say the name, though, just one look at you and she knows you're thinking the same thing. 
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It’s during midday at the hospital when you see Jungkook again.
The elevator dinged and the doors finally opened on your floor, but you froze in your position when you saw who was inside the whole time. 
It was Jungkook, sitting slightly on the handrails while crossing his arms. His posture straightened for a bit as he met your eyes, looking equally surprised as you. But then he recovered and relaxed in his position just as quickly. 
You couldn’t read the look on his face.
Taking a hold of yourself before the door automatically closes, you stepped a foot inside the lift and pressed on the button of your floor immediately. The 7th floor button is lightened up, so you assumed Jungkook was gonna get off earlier than you since you were going down on the sixth floor. 
The confined space had never felt more suffocating. You could feel there was something in the air – a thick tension that was getting too hard to bear every second you felt the elevator moving down. 
There was a lump that formed in your throat, especially when you caught a glimpse of the reader going floors down fast, and the 7th one was nearing. 
Your heart beat erratically against your chest. You didn’t even feel that nervous back in the OR twenty minutes ago.
But you figured it was the first time you felt close, after all.
It was funny, really – what you felt at that moment. Being physically close to Jungkook had never made you feel like that – like you’re on edge – you’ve always just approached it as something natural, like you were meant to be that way. And those times, you never really thought about the contact ending. 
But in that moment, it felt like he was slipping away – even though you were not even holding him in the first place. 
It was probably why you let out your next words, craning your neck to the side to try and look behind you where you knew Jungkook was at. 
“I miss you.” 
You barely said it. Felt like just a soft whisper as the words slipped past your lips, but there was a break around its edges – like it was the most vulnerable thing you’ve ever said. 
It was. 
And you didn’t exactly know why you did it. 
Maybe you just wanted him to know. Maybe you just wanted him to understand that… that you were still there. And that you missed him. Every single day. Regardless of what happened. 
There was a thick silence that hung in the air after that, and you should’ve taken back your words right after they came out. Embarrassment should’ve clouded you by then. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. 
That was as honest as you could get. 
You didn’t even expect a reply – assuming that maybe Jungkook hadn’t heard it. 
But you heard the soft tap of his steps on the floor and felt his overwhelming presence coming near you. And just like that, you knew he was behind you. Close. A hair's breadth away. 
Then, you hear him let out a soft sigh, and you could feel his breath brush against your ear as he leaned down. You never realized how much you craved his affection until you felt him slightly nudging his cheek against the crown of your head. 
It made you keen. Made you shut your eyes close. Basking in the moment, but you didn’t ignore the pain that it caused. 
Because somehow, despite what might seem like a sweet gesture – the whole thing felt like goodbye.
It was so intimate, though, that you almost forgot that you were currently on the 8th floor and he was dropping off on the next. 
The elevator dinged like a wake-up call. And when you opened your eyes, Jungkook had already peeled his body away from you. Nibbling on your bottom lip, you fought the urge to cry as you saw him walking out. 
Before the door closed, he took one look at you. His mouth opened, as if wanting to say something. You waited. But he closed his lips again, not bothering to look back for even one last time before the elevator doors closed in front of your face. 
The interaction left a certain melancholy in your heart, and it made you run on auto-pilot when the elevator stopped on your floor. 
You never expected for the encounter to happen – but it did, in its own way. And now you have to deal with the consequences of your impulsive actions.
Your mindless walking has led your feet to somewhere a bit secluded. It’s far across the hall, and you recognize it as some old, empty ward. You and your friends have one on the 5th floor but you don’t think you’ve never really been here before and so you weren’t sure.
But you’re desperate to let out a good cry. Maybe not exactly cry – but just be alone for awhile. The hospital and your schedule are busy enough as they are and it’s enough to keep your mind occupied since the morning – but that interaction with Jungkook at the elevator reminded you of the weight that you’ve been carrying lately and you just… want to dissipate a little. Even if it means sacrificing your three-minute lunchtime. 
You don’t suspect anything as you twist the doorknob open – surprise to see it’s not locked like you thought it would be. 
And the sight leaves your mouth hanging open. 
“Oh my god.” 
“What the fuck.” 
“Shit!” You watch as Doyeon pushes off the man wearing a white lab gown on top of her – a very familiar figure that you can only recognize as none other than the attending surgeon Dr. Kim Namjoon. 
A panicked, “I’m sorry!” leaves your mouth before you turn on your heel, ready to fly off the scene when you hear Doyeon’s voice calling you from behind.
“Wait, __!” 
You hesitantly look back.
It’s obvious what they were doing before you entered the room. Doyeon’s hair is unusually out of the ponytail she always shows up to work with, and Dr. Kim… Jesus. He’s always been so intimidating to you – with his tall stature and his aura that reeks so much of authority, even though he doesn’t even try, it feels so fucking weird to suddenly see him with his hair all mussed up when it always looks kempt every single time you see him along the hallways of the hospital. Right now, he looks coy, like he’s shrinking himself as he avoids looking at you.
“Dr. __, I am so deeply sorry,” His apology sounds so remorseful that you feel bad for even having to barge in. You can see Dr. Kim fumbling with his coat as he looks at Doyeon like he’s looking for help. Doyeon looks at him, but she just… rolls her eyes.
“Joon, just–” She cuts herself off, shutting her eyes close. Seemingly agitated. Or embarrassed. You don’t know why you’re still here. “You should leave now, I’ll talk to __.” Doyeon lets her gaze fall back to you and your eyes widen at the declaration, not really knowing if she was serious or not. 
You mean… what are you even going to talk about? Sure! You’re shocked as fuck to see them together in that position but you’re not about to ask her about her sex life!
… Okay. So maybe you are a little bit (only a little) curious about that.
Dr. Kim has always been a mystery to all of you. Taehyung and Jungkook admire him so much, the latter lowkey idolizes him at this point. Nayeon has always spoken highly about him and you’re literally a fan of all his work in his field, especially his books. It doesn’t help that he’s attractive as hell, too, and you all may have gossiped about him at one point in your lives – so sue you for being curious! You’re just human.   
“You sure?” Dr. Kim says, barely spoken, but you don’t miss the gentle way he holds Doyeon’s shoulder as he asks that, the way his face contorts into a concerned expression when he looks down at her. One quick interaction and you instantly realize that oh… this is serious. 
They’re not just having casual sex in this ward.
This is Doyeon’s boyfriend.
Your bestfriend nods at him and you step aside to give Dr. Kim some space to leave the room, still visibly stunned. You thought he was going to leave when he utters another apology again. 
“__, I’m really sorry about this behavior. Doyeon and I—” 
Doyeon groans. “Joon, oh my god. It’s fine.” 
You watch as Dr. Kim’s (who Doyeon apparently calls “Joon”— what the hell) lips fall into a thin line. “Fine. I’ll go. We’ll talk about this later, alright?” 
“I know.” 
He gives you both one last glance before the door closes on you.
You swear you tried to look for cameras everywhere – like they do in The Office – to see if the whole thing was a prank. But no. Your life’s unfortunately not a sitcom.
“I told him to lock the door earlier,” Doyeon starts, sounding defeated as she falls back on one of the emergency beds. Sighing, she covers her face with her hands. “This is so embarrassing.” 
At that, you can’t help but react immediately. 
“You’re embarrassed about the fact that you’re fucking an insanely stupid hot, intelligent man?” Your brows knit. 
Doyeon looks at you and you both stare at each other. She holds her own, like she usually does, but for the first time ever, she breaks and chuckles. The laughter turns hilarious, and you follow her into the bed. 
“God,” she utters. She licks her bottom lip and looks at you shyly. “I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.” 
“I mean… what did you mean to do instead?” 
She hesitates. “I’m not sure.”
You frown. “So, you just… you just weren’t going to tell me? Us?” You didn’t bother to hide the tone of disappointment in your words. Doyeon looks a little ashamed when you verbalized that.
“It’s not that. I just didn’t know how,” She says. You knit your brows in confusion. “You know I’ve always been… private about my dating life or whatever. I don’t tell you guys I’m dating until I’m sure the guy and I are official. I… I don’t even date a lot in the first place.” 
Well… that was true. You nod at her, giving her a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I get that.” Doyeon smiles a little. “How long?” 
There’s a pregnant pause before she says, “Uh… since Feb?” 
“Jesus.” She winces at your reaction. You stare at her with your jaw slack. “What the fuck, Doyeon? Nine months?”
“Well, technically, eight but—” you look at her dryly and Doyeon gives up on her attempt at being facetious. “Okay. I’m sorry. It just happened.” You raise your brow at her. She sighs. “Okay, so we may have hooked up last year in December. You remember the Christmas party at the Ritz?” 
Your mouth just hangs wider, looking at her incredulously. Every drop of information she lets out just grows your surprise bigger, and you have nothing in substance to say except, “You… whore.” 
Doyeon laughs so loud you worry it might have been heard from the outside, but you wince at the slap that follows on your shoulder as she giggles nonstop. 
“Shut the fuck up, oh my god.” 
“No– I just– Oh my god, was that the reason why you bailed on our own Christmas party over at Nayeon’s?” She nods at your question with her lips pursed. You scoff, still not believing it but just overall amused in general. “You’re really throwing me a curveball here, babe. Like – I have never ever heard you talking about Dr. Kim except when you said you’d totally fuck him in that one drinking session. And then, you actually fucking did.”
She rolls her eyes, scoffing. “He started asking me out on dates in January and he asked me to be his girlfriend in Feb. I don’t even know how it happened. It just did,” She shrugs, as if she just said that the skies are blue. “I’m pretty good at hiding, huh?” 
You don’t hide the way you instantly frown.
“I’m happy for you, Doyeon, I really am. But… did you not feel like you could tell me? Or any of us?”
At least she looks apologetic, nibbling on her bottom lip before she says, “It’s not that, __. I didn’t know how to tell you guys. There’s this – there’s this thing when you date a co-worker, especially in the hospital. He’s an attendant, and he’s about to be chief of surgery next two months, you know that right? And it’s just— I know you will never think it, or the rest of our friends – but I just. I didn’t want anyone to think that I’m… that I’m sleeping my way here, you know? It’s fucking weird. And Ms. Yan from fuckass HR hates me for some reason. I’d be public enemy number one around here, __.”
You wince hearing her explanation. Nodding, you rub her shoulder to offer some kind of comfort, noticing that she’s actually silently fuming just by the mere thought of that. Meaning she must have been thinking about it for quite some time now. 
“But you know we’ll never think of it like that, right?” You confirm with her, just to be sure. You love Doyeon – she’s basically your sister at this point – and you don’t ever want her to feel like she can’t trust you.
“Of course. I don’t… I can’t really offer you any explanation other than I got scared and just wasn’t ready. Joon wants to let people know… and I don’t know. I guess I’m thinking about that too nowadays.” She says, and she’s not really looking at you anymore, seemingly deep in thought.
You begin rubbing her back. “It’s fine if you’re not ready yet.” 
“Oh, this is getting kind of mushy. I hate it.” Doyeon says dryly. You push her slightly which sends her sideways a bit, earning a laugh from her.
“Joon, huh?” You decide to tease to lighten up the mood. Instead of backing down and getting shy like you expected, Doyeon raises her brow. “Can I be honest with you, though?” You say, fiddling with your fingers. She nods so you tread lightly to your next words. “This will sound crazy, I know, but for the longest time I thought Jungkook was your secret boyfriend.”
“What the fuck?” Doyeon says, sharp and almost… disgusted. You don’t expect such a reaction. 
“Okay, you don’t need to sound so disgusted. Jungkook’s a good-looking guy and he’s very decent.” You say, sounding weirdly defensive – even to your own ears.
“No– that’s not what I meant—” Doyeon cuts herself off with a laugh. “That’s actually really funny, though.” You look at her curiously. “Somehow, I thought about you thinking that. Especially after that time at the villa when you walked in on us talking by the pool deck.” 
“I…” you try to come up with an excuse, something to deny her claim, but nothing comes, and your eyebrows knit in confusion because you actually don’t know yourself why you felt that way back then. You still remember the weird feeling that flared up in your chest upon seeing them in such an intimate position �� with Jungkook’s head on Doyeon’s stomach and her caressing his head. Maybe you’re more malicious than you let on, but can she really blame you for thinking there was more to that? Besides, Jungkook’s second closest in the group is probably her. It made sense to assume they were secretly together. 
“God, don’t,” Doyeon says incredulously. “Obviously, he’s not my secret boyfriend. I don’t like him and he does not like me, at least not that way. That man only has heart eyes for you and I’m only into Namjoon, thank you very much.” 
You wince. “Sorry.”
“But were you really jealous that time, though?” Doyeon asks, intrigued. “I mean, I thought about it. You were acting weird. But I kind of just shrugged it off.”
“I was not jealous, what the hell,” you quickly say. “I was just surprised. And you’re both really close, so I don’t know.” 
Doyeon arches her brow. “You’re also both close, so going by that logic, are you two together?” You frown at her. She laughs, knowing she proved her point. “Alright, enough about that. How have you been these days?”
You stare at her before sighing.
“I’ve been wanting to say sorry.” 
“Damn straight,” she tells you immediately, like she’s been looking forward to it. “Like, you bitch– I thought you died. Not talking to me or to anybody for a week is crazy.”
“It’s not my proudest moment.” 
“Why?” 
You subtly inhale a shaky breath. “I… to be honest? I thought you guys were mad at me.” 
“What?” You can hear the incredulous tone Doyeon’s taking on. And you slowly realize that you completely just conjured a whole ass narrative in your head the whole time. 
“I know. I feel terrible about it. But I just… I couldn’t help but think that I ruined… things.” 
“Oh…” Doyeon says, and she cranes her neck down to meet your gaze as you’re tucking your head down slightly. “Why did you think that?” 
You open your mouth and close it, trying to find the right words.
“I… know I was completely being ambitious when I said I wanted to bring Mingyu along to the trip – and I realize I shouldn’t have done that. Our relationship was still so fresh, and I was already bringing him along to what was supposed to be our vacation. And the fight happened and the whole thing just went to complete shit. We didn’t even get to spend our five nights there because you guys had to book us a flight immediately and I just… I guess I just feel so bad about it. Had I not invited him… the trip would’ve been way more different. Happier, that I’m sure of.”
“__,” Doyeon calls your name firmly. “That was not any of your fault. Sure, you should’ve consulted with us – because I’m not gonna lie, you threw us in for a surprise when you said that Mingyu was coming, but that fight was not your fault. At all. They physically fought each other on their own accord, even though they knew they were already too grown to be doing that shit. Don’t feel guilty about what those men did.” 
You bite your lip. “Still. They— uhm. They apparently fought because of me. It’s stupid.” 
“Exactly. But… Mingyu kind of deserved it. Sorry.” Doyeon comments. 
You wince. “You know?” 
“Jungkook told us about it, yeah.” Doyeon says, as if hesitant to even mention his name in the conversation. 
You sigh. You’re not really surprised. “Did he… did he tell you guys… everything?” 
“He did.” Doyeon confirms. “It’s not actually new news for us, __.” 
You look confuse when you meet her gaze. “How do you mean?” 
She presses her lips into a thin line. “He’s in love with you. We’ve known for a while,” You stare at her, mouth agape. Doyeon reluctantly adds, “Since med school.”
“Oh.” You close your eyes for a moment. “Even Nayeon?” 
She nods. “Yes.” 
You’re silent for a while before you look away. Nodding, you whisper, “I see,” You sigh. “I don’t even… I’m not even surprised about that. Even my mother knows — I mean, Jungkook didn’t tell her of course, but she said she knew he had feelings for me.”
“I think… everybody knows, __.” Your eyes fall to Doyeon. She gives you a gentle smile. “Everybody who sees the way Jungkook looks at you immediately knows right away. He doesn’t have to tell someone he likes you for them to know that. Taehyung and I figured it out ourselves as well. And then Nayeon met you both and she did the same thing. Just had to fish out the confirmation from Jungkook himself.” 
“That’s…” you trail off, not really knowing what to say. “I’m really stupid for not noticing all this time, huh?”
“Hmm… maybe. Sort of. But also, not really. I guess it must’ve been just different for you. We’re just bystanders of your interactions — when Jungkook teases you like a fucker it’s easy to assume he’s flirting with you, but it must’ve been annoying as hell for you.”
You chuckle a bit. But it’s with fondness as you agree, “Yeah…”
“He sucks ass at flirting.” 
“I agree…” you trail off. “I – well, you probably know, but I told him I don’t believe him,” Doyeon hums, listening in. “I regret saying that. It really hurt him. But… who can blame me, Doyeon? I mean, am I not right for having doubts? Being confused? I mean, okay, yes, I was taken for the first four years we knew each other but I was— I was available two years ago and he didn’t— he didn't do anything. Why didn’t he do anything?” The words are coming off as a rant, you’re fully aware, but you let yourself go, anyway. “He was dating all those women and I just… how am I supposed to believe him when I thought he showed me the opposite?” 
“You mean how were you supposed to believe him when he sleeps around?”
You shut your eyes close. “I don’t– I don’t necessarily think he sleeps around, okay? Jungkook’s not a fuckboy or someone who sleeps with anyone with a pulse. He’s too grown for that shit. But I… I just meant, that… he dated a lot all throughout the time we knew each other, so where was I in the equation? You know what I mean?”
Doyeon stares at you for a bit, then she nods, looking ahead. “I know what you mean.” 
“Yeah?”
She nods. Then, “Are you worried he’s not sincere about his feelings? Because he dated a lot of people?”
“I-I’m not sure about that.” But maybe, that thought bothers you a bit.
“When was the last time he was with somebody?”
You don’t mean to sound defensive when you retort back with, “I wouldn’t know that. Contrary to popular belief, Jungkook and I do not actually talk about everything, and that includes our sex lives, but I know when he’s… seeing somebody.” 
“How?” Doyeon asks, looking at you. She wasn’t trying to trick you into anything, just genuine curiosity written all over her face.
You shy away from her gaze. “Four months ago… Nayeon’s engagement party. He was checking that woman out.”
“Oh… Kwon Jihyo?” 
Your brows furrow. “You know her?” 
Doyeon nods. “Yeah. Physio class back in freshman year. I talked to her at the party as well,” you grow more confused and Doyeon adds, “Also, she’s gay. Married with two kids.” 
“Oh.” 
That earns a chuckle from Doyeon. Tapping your arm, she tells you, “You don’t have a gay radar, it’s fine.” 
“Oh my god…” you slap a hand on your forehead. “I teased him about sleeping with her after the party…” 
You’ve always seen Jungkook as a regular ladies man in your head due to the fact that he gets women, quite very easily. Empirically, Jungkook goes on a lot of dates. But to be completely honest with yourself, you don’t even know the extent of those said dates. Jungkook doesn’t exactly oppose it when you lightheartedly tease him about being a playboy, but you do notice when that puts him off a bit.
Maybe you should’ve pried – maybe he gets put off because it’s simply not true? But you don’t think it’s not not true either, so… do you really think he sleeps around?
“Look,” Doyeon suddenly says which makes you look at her, snapping you out of your own messy thoughts. “I’m not trying to defend him or put in a good word for him or whatever. But I do know that you know him better than I do, so I’m sure you don’t actually think he isn’t sincere about his feelings for you. If you’re worried about his dating history, talk to him about that – but if we’re going by technical definition here, I don’t think Jungkook sleeps around, __. He doesn’t have a new woman switched out for another every seven business days, does he? Or is that a wrong assumption—”
“God, no,” you roll your eyes at her. “And anyway, why are we talking about this? I don’t care who he has sex with. He can do whatever he wants. He’s a grown man.”
“Yeah… but you just said it’s sort of the reason why you’re holding back.”
You feel blood rushing to your cheek because… that is true. You don’t even know why. Because you stand for what you said that he can do whatever the hell he wants. He’s young and he’s objectively attractive and he can have sex whenever he wants…
But somehow, that very thought — of Jungkook being with anybody that way, suddenly made a weird feeling flare up in your chest. You’ve never really paid it mind before, but right now that you now know what you know…
“It just kind of hurts a bit, I guess.” You say, not looking at Doyeon. “I mean, it’s irrational, really. I don’t expect him to be celibate for the eight years he’s claimed to love me, that’s just insane. I’ve also had sex with other people throughout the time and it would be unfair of me to dwell on the fact that he’s been with other people in the past when I also have but… it’s just… you know…” you trail off, and you feel like you’re gonna burst with so much embarrassment from the thoughts running through your head.
“I know… what?” Doyeon says, trying to fill in the gaps.
“I guess I just…” you swallow the lump in your throat. “I guess…. I guess I just expected him to want only me.” 
“Oh.” you look at Doyeon. “Oh wow. That’s…” 
You huff. “It’s childish, I know. It’s so stupid – I can’t think that. It’s unfair for him.”
Doyeon shakes her head. “No, I mean, I get that. I get that completely,” She scoots closer to you. “You have to know, though, that for the past eight years, Jungkook has tried many times to move on from you.” That words felt like a bucket of cold water. He’s tried…? Doyeon gives you a small smile when she notices the way your face fell. “It was really tough for him when you and Eunwoo got serious, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He tried seeing other people, in the hopes that they could make him feel what he does for you. He didn’t do that in vain – like he did it maliciously in hopes that you would get jealous or whatever. He did that – he does that – because he also genuinely wants to be with someone who can reciprocate his feelings. Min Sora was really close… but I don’t really know what happened to that. I’ve assumed since then that he must still probably love you. And he still apparently does, even to this day. I’m not saying all of this in favor of him, okay? But do you not want to give him a chance because of that? He really loves you, __. He admires you a lot. You don’t know how much he’s just in awe of you. He talks about you a lot when you’re not around, and he’d ditch just about anything to get to you with one call. Look… I don’t know what you feel, and at the end of the day, you call the shots. But I think he’s worth it, __. Because I know him as well and everybody knows he’ll treat you right. You just gotta give him the chance.”
You take in Doyeon’s words carefully.
“That’s not really the only thing I’m skeptical about,” you sigh. “Him having slept with other people is not the top of my concern, because we weren’t in any relationship. Again, I couldn’t have expected him to be celibate all this time. What I’m really worried about is the fact that he’s so— he’s so important to me, Doyeon. I’ve known him for eight years and he’s… he’s quite literally the best thing that ever happened to me—” you stop for awhile because you feel your voice breaking, just in time when the sides of your eyes sting with precedent tears. But you can’t cry right now. You’ve done that a lot in the past few days.  “And if— and if I do feel the same, and then we do this thing, what if it all goes wrong? I don’t – I can’t really bear the thought of him not present in my life. I have never considered that ever since I’ve known him. I’m so lucky with my friendships but my romantic relationships all suck. They’re shit. And I don’t want to have a shit romantic relationship with Jungkook, because that would mean I’d lose him. And I don’t want to lose him… do you— do you get me, Doyeon? I’m so scared. Because there's this part of me that wholeheartedly believes what he said, but there’s a bigger part of me that’s in denial because I can’t stop thinking about things going wrong.” 
“Hey,” Doyeon gently calls, and you don’t realize that you’ve been holding back a sob because the moment she scoots closer, arm circling your back, you bury your face in her chest and let out a quiet cry. She cradles your head, and you close your eyes at that. “What if things don’t go wrong, though? What if it works out?” 
You sniffle. “But things always go wrong for me and my boyfriends. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but they just never end well.” 
Doyeon lets out a heavy breath. “I completely understand that. Again, you know Jungkook better than I do. Better than anybody I know, really. You would know exactly what he’s capable of – and that includes the possibility of him hurting you, or the lack of it thereof. It’s really your choice, __. Just… just talk to him, okay? He’s been wanting to, but you’re not reaching out and he said he didn’t want to suffocate you or anything like that.” 
You quickly perk up at that. “He said that?” Doyeon nods. It makes your shoulders deflate. “But… but we were in the elevator today and he…”
“He what?”
“He… uhm… well I said something stupid,” you wince, wiping the stray tears from your cheeks. “I said I miss him, but he didn’t – I don’t know. He didn’t say anything,” Nibbling on your bottom lip anxiously, you look at Doyeon reluctantly, gauging her reaction. “I think he actually hates me now.”
Doyeon is quiet for a moment before she speaks. “You just… you really have no clue how much he loves you, huh? You can kill a close relative of his and he’ll make excuses for you, I don’t doubt that even for a second,” She says and for a moment you’re a bit offended because you’re getting kind of tired of people pointing out that Jungkook being into you is obvious like how the grasses are green, but Doyeon shakes her head, face in pure disbelief. And you just know she didn’t mean it that way. She genuinely looks baffled. “You really need to talk, __. This is… it really hurts seeing you both like this."  
You tuck your head down. “I’m thinking about it.” 
“Yeah?” 
“Yeah. I think… I’m going back to our place tonight. But I’m not sure. I’ll probably chicken out last minute.” 
Doyeon pats your arm. “Do it, okay? Just be honest with yourself and to him. You both need that.” 
You give her a small, weak smile.
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You’re pretty much drained the moment you arrive at your place. Sighing heavily, you punch in the passcode and almost feel your knees buckling at the sight of the interior of your apartment. 
It feels like it’s been so long since you’ve been here, and coupled with the discussion that you had with Doyeon yesterday, everything suddenly feels overstimulating and there’s an urge at the sides of your eyes to cry. 
Swallowing the lump in your throat, you breathe in and out as you enter the threshold, noting the fact that nobody is at home. Or Jungkook isn’t present anywhere in the living room. You’re a bit grateful for that if you have to be honest to yourself – after all, the last time that you talked to him did not exactly go as well as you’d like. 
He could be in his room, though. That’s what you assume as you go straight over to the kitchen in hopes to heat up the take-out that you bought at the driveway. As you leave your phone on the counter, you notice the to-go container from Chipotle on the same surface, as well as the laptop that is left open beside it. 
So Jungkook is home. 
The question is, where could he possibly be, leaving out his stuff here in the kitchen? Might be in his bedroom to grab something real quick? 
You don’t mean to do the next thing that comes to your mind, but your feet – your stupid feet – track back from the microwave to the island, and your eyes betray you as they go look and read the words on the screen of Jungkook’s macbook. 
The tab that shows is an apartment listing website, and besides are more tabs that show some familiar real-estate names you’ve come to on the internet before when you were looking for a place. 
It makes you freeze in your spot, eyes glued to the daunting images of the apartment layout that Jungkook must’ve clicked on awhile ago, and you take note that he’s seemingly, specifically, looking for one-apartment bedrooms and studio apartments. 
Your mind goes into a sudden haywire at the sight. 
What does this mean? 
“Oh, hey,”
The embodied voice makes your head snap to its direction, and you see Jungkook standing in front of you in his sweats and shirt – his usual home clothes – with a charger in his hand. 
“Jungkook.” You say, or more like, breathe out. Your heart feels like it’s somersaulting for some reason at the sight of him. 
But Jungkook looks just as surprised as you. 
“I… I didn’t know you’re coming ho– back.” He says, and there’s a twinge in your heart that you ignore when you caught him pointedly avoiding the word home when pertaining to your place. Somehow, that felt intentional.
But you give him a smile. Probably a weak one. Probably doesn’t really look like a smile at all and more like a grimace. If Jungkook notices, he doesn’t say anything. Just goes straight to the direction of the highchairs on the island and plug in his charger for his laptop. 
Then, he turns to look at you. “Uh... you just got off from your shift?” 
“Yeah. You too?” You say, nibbling your bottom lip with your teeth. A nervous habit. 
“Nah, got off a few hours ago.” 
“Oh. Okay.” 
“Yeah.” 
You nod your head. You stand there for a while, letting the silence that’s admittedly awkward hang in the air. 
It’s weird, really. Jungkook and you usually have a lot to say to each other – but right now, there doesn’t seem to be a single thing you can say to one another. 
It breaks your heart that’s the current case. 
“Well, uhm. That’s Zillow.” You say, pointing to his laptop. The moment the words left your lips you swear you could have slapped yourself. 
How stupid to ask him about it. How incredibly stupid for that thing to be your choice of topic after weeks of no proper communication with him. 
Jungkook seems surprised at this, though, turning his head immediately to look at his own laptop. There’s a certain jerk in his movements when he moves his fingers to the trackpad that closes the entire window of the internet and shows his wallpaper instead. 
“Oh. Yeah. That was… Zillow.” 
Stupid, stupid you makes everything even more awkward when you say, “You’re looking for a place?” 
Jungkook stares at you for awhile. There’s a pregnant pause, and then he nods his head. A bit hesitant. But his voice is full when he speaks. 
“Yeah.” 
So, he’s moving out. That’s what you think as you avoid looking at his face and let your gaze fall back to his laptop. 
You give him a small smile. 
“Ah. Good luck with the search, then.”
Your heart completely breaks when you say the words.
Suddenly, the words of your supposed confession get stuck and they die in your throat. You let yourself believe that coming home tonight would fix everything; you just had to go inside, talk to Jungkook, tell him you were sorry about what you said – and the rest would just do its thing and you'll be back to okay.
But he's moving out, and every bit of hope in you shuts down.
Jungkook doesn’t say anything for a while, and you’re just about to turn on your heels to go to your room but then he utters lowly, almost like a whisper. 
“It’s not final.” 
“Hm?” You hum, not sure if you caught that. 
Rubbing the back of his neck, Jungkook looks away as he says again, “I mean, I’m just looking. I was gonna talk to you before I finalize my plans.”
“Talk to me? Why?”
“Since we’re on a joint lease and all that.” 
“Oh.” You nod to yourself, dumbfounded. It's embarrassing the way you lit up with expectation when he said it wasn't final, for it to completely die anyway when he said that. You feel like you're not wanted. “Yeah. Right.” 
“I assume you’re tired from your shift, though, so maybe we can go over it tomorrow? Or any day you like, really.” Jungkook shrugs. 
“No, tonight’s fine,” You wave your hand, walking towards his direction and seating yourself on the chair beside him. You try to focus all your attention on the screen in front of you instead of Jungkook’s overwhelming presence. You’ve always thought he was big but tonight, he feels even bigger and you’re intimidated. “Are you writing a notice to the landlord?”
“Yeah – I mean, after we talk about the move, that is.” 
“Wow.” You can’t help but let out. “You really thought about all this while I was away?” 
You regret the words just as instantly as they leave your mouth. 
Looking at Jungkook hesitantly, you watch as his face falls, mouth opening and closing, as if at a loss for words. 
You take them back before he says something. “Sorry — I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.” Sharp and edgy, clipped and… angry. Sort of accusatory. Like you’re pinning something bad on him.
“It’s fine.” Jungkook says after awhile, returning back his gaze on the laptop. 
His withdrawal makes you deflate. He seems so uninterested. Is he done with you? Just like that?
“You know what,” You utter after a pregnant pause, standing up from the chair and getting back on your feet. “I actually have a headache. I think we should go over this tomorrow.”
Jungkook looks confused but he nods, anyway. “I just… stocked up on Advil yesterday. So, if you need it… it’s just in the kit.” 
“Sure. Thanks,” You give him a small smile. “I’ll, just go, uh, shower for a bit.” You point to the bathroom across from you. 
Before you go, Jungkook calls your name.
“__.”
You turn around to look at him. “Yes?”
“Are you…” He trails off. You wish he’d look at you like he usually does. “Are you back for good?”
You don’t expect that question at all. But you collect yourself on time to respond. “Yeah. I guess I am.”
Jungkook’s expression is something unreadable, so you throw him an awkward smile. You’re not sure if he returned it, because everything is becoming too much, and you can’t help but overthink every single thing he does. So, before you can dwell on that, you go straight to the bathroom to do your business. 
You shower quickly – you can’t focus when you know that Jungkook is just outside, and he can probably hear the water running. You’ve never really paid thoughts to these stuff except the first few weeks of moving in with him, but right now, there’s a certain awkward tension in the air and it’s slowly suffocating you. You needed to get out of the shower box quick.
And so you did, but you don’t expect the series of knocks on the door, with Jungkook’s voice behind it. 
“__?” 
“Y-yeah?” You stammer, wrapping your towel around you (that Jungkook thankfully hasn’t thrown out yet) with haste and getting to the door immediately to answer him. 
When you open it, Jungkook visibly freezes for a bit. And you realize you’re in nothing but a piece of cotton; bare underneath, droplets of water running through your body from the tips of your uncovered, wet hair. 
You consciously tighten the towel around your body, making sure to act unbothered when you say, “What?” 
Jungkook seems to snap out of the moment just as you did. When you follow the hand that he lifts, you see your phone in it. Weirdly enough, you had time to notice the way the device fits so small in his hand when you can barely wrap your phone around your fingers yourself.
What the actual fuck are you talking about, you tell yourself at the back of your head. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck—
“You left this on the counter. Mingyu’s been calling you.” 
It’s like you’ve been suddenly hit by a truck upon hearing the name.
“Oh. Okay. Sorry about that.” You take your phone when he offers it to you. You don’t know why but you avoid Jungkook’s eyes as you step out of the bathroom and press the decline button, causing the ringtone to stop abruptly. 
You don’t look back at him as you enter your bedroom, locking the door and throwing your phone on the mattress and going straight to your closet.
Nothing much has changed since the last seven or so days. What would change, anyway? It’s not like Jungkook has some sort of business in here. 
When you finished dressing yourself up with your usual pajamas, a worn-out tee and a pair of short shorts, you go over right to your bed, picking up your phone. 
The notification bar says that you have six missed calls from Mingyu and two texts. An upgrade from his three to four times in the previous days. 
See, it’s not only Jungkook or Doyeon or Nayeon or Taehyung whom you’ve been avoiding. It’s also Mingyu. The last time that you two talked was when you said goodbye to each other when he was catching his flight from the resort. You’ve completely shut everybody out after that thing happened, and again, it’s not your proudest moment. You’re only non-confrontational to a certain degree, but you usually handle your problems like a grown woman. 
You just really don’t know how to handle this one. 
But Mingyu’s been calling, and you haven’t answered or replied to any of his messages ever since. 
It’s just… everytime you think about him… it hurts.
It hurts to think of somebody you’ve given your trust to, only for them to step on it without any remorse. It hurts that you once thought he was going to be the one, only for him to end up as someone you’re starting to… hate. It hurts extremely that just eight days ago, you held this high level of adoration for him, but now you don’t feel anything at all but simmering anger. 
Sighing, you click on his message instead of sliding it out, gearing yourself for what you’re about to read.
gyu😽 [10:15pm]: Dinner at my place tonight? gyu😽 [10:32pm]: Can you pick up my calls?
You scrolled through the other ones he sent in the past week, and you find out that they’re simply just a variation of “do you want to have dinner together tonight”, “why aren’t you picking up?” and shockingly… a couple texts of “i miss you”. 
You’ve only been bullshitting when you told Jungkook that you had a headache, but right now that excuse might be true because you can feel a tick in your head, a certain bang on the front, and you just want all of this to end. 
Letting out a controlled breath, you swallow the lump in your throat as you type a reply. Finally.
You [10:50pm]: Can we talk tomorrow? 
To your surprise, Mingyu responds quickly.
gyu😽 [10:51pm]: of course. dinner?
You [10:52pm]: yeah. i get off at around 8 tomorrow.
gyu😽 [10:52pm]: I have some paperworks to attend to but 8 is fine by me.  gyu😽 [10:53pm]: Can we go to a restaurant? gyu😽 [10:53pm]: I haven’t cleaned my place so I thought we could go outside
You [10:54pm]: It’s alright. Also, no need to pick me up. I’ll uber. 
gyu😽 [10:55pm]: You sure?
You [10:56pm]: Yeah.
gyu😽 [10:56pm]: Alright then.
You don’t get a lot of sleep that night.
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“Hey, sorry I’m a bit late. The partners had a meeting over at the firm,” Mingyu says, loosening his tie a little, breathing a bit sharp as he takes the seat across from you. 
You nod, giving him a small smile. Taking a sip from your water, you watch as Mingyu fixes his tie again, some sort of attempt to look kempt, like he hasn’t just run here. He was in a rush, and you feel bad that he had to go over here quickly when the partners meeting was probably something important. He could’ve canceled and you wouldn’t have mind. 
“So. Hi,” Mingyu greets you as if he’s making up for his rash entrance earlier. He gives you a smile, the one that’s his usual charming smile – you remember fawning over it the first time you met him. “How have you been?”
“Fine. I’ve been doing well.” you answer. In your lap, your fingers fiddle with each other.
You’ve thought about how you are going to go over this, but obviously the scenarios that played in your head yesterday and before you went here were so much more different than now. You weren’t an anxious mess in your imagination.
Mingyu nods. “That’s good to hear. Been doing fine as well.” He says casually. 
That makes something flare up in your chest.
Fine? He’s been doing fine? 
Before you can say something, a waiter comes up to your table to give you the menu, and that effectively keeps you from saying the words you were probably going to regret as soon as they come out of your mouth. 
You both tell your respective orders to the waiter before he walks away, leaving you two nodding and smiling ahead. When he’s gone, you’re left alone with Mingyu again. 
You look at him — and his usual suits and tie ensemble would usually make you gush internally about how good he looks, how you can still see the way he’s built under the pristine fabric of his clothes, and how attractive he is the way he carries himself. 
“I’m glad you called me tonight, sweetheart.”
And you don’t expect the way the hairs on your body tingle with… ick. 
“Sure.” You say, drinking from your glass of water again.
Just get over it, your mind convinces you. But how are you going to approach it?
Moments pass and then suddenly, Mingyu lets out a heavy breath. You peer up at him, raising a brow. 
“Alright, I’m not gonna skirt around this anymore, __,” He says, and his eyebrows are knitted in what seems like confusion when he meets your gaze. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been avoiding me.”
The confrontation somehow eases you even though it shouldn’t.
Licking your bottom lip – an anxious habit that you try hard to forgo – you compose yourself before you say, “I have. Yes, you’re right.”
“Why?” Mingyu asks with genuine curiosity. 
Somehow, this bothers you. Does he really not know or he’s just pretending not to know? Whichever it is, it does not really make you feel any better about him. If he’s pretending not to know, then he’s an even bigger asshole than you’re letting him on, but if he does not know, then that’s just even worse. Imagine doing all of those things and not being aware that you did something wrong enough to upset people? 
“I have to be completely honest with you, Mingyu. I want to break up.” 
The words come out easily as opposed to what you expected. 
Somehow, it’s strange, really. You’ve never dumped anybody before. Of course, you don’t count those casual dates you’ve had in the past two years because they were never that serious. But usually, in your long relationships, the other guy does the dumping and never you. 
So, right now, as you sit across from Mingyu, finally declaring what you’ve been thinking over the past week, you feel a sense of liberation. A cliché, really. There’s a feeling of discomfort gnawing at some parts of you, but you choose to ignore it, bravely meeting his gaze instead. 
“What?”
“I want to break up with you.” You reiterate, this time fuller so he knows your decision is final.
His mouth opens and closes, and there’s a pregnant pause that hangs in the air before he finds his tongue. “But why?” 
“Are you serious?” You can’t help but snap. “Do you really not know?” 
“No. Fill me in, because I’m confused.” Mingyu doubles down, and it fires you up a little bit. 
“Mingyu, Jungkook told me everything,” You say, and you notice the way his expression changes into something more… unreadable the moment you dropped Jungkook’s name. “And I mean everything. What you did with his girlfriend back in college, and what you said about me to goad him into a fight. I mean, what were you thinking, Mingyu? All of that was just… low. Even for you. I can’t believe you’d do any of that.” You catch your breath after you say the words, not realizing how heavy it would feel to let them out. You’ve never been confrontational, would prefer if the other person did all the talking, and to do this right now is taking so much from you.
“He told you everything?” Mingyu asks again. You watch as he relaxes his posture, and you grow confused when his lips curl into a smirk. “I knew he would do that. Come crying to you with his lovesick head. Did he finally grow some to tell you he loves you, then?” 
You recoil, not expecting that. “That’s none of your business.”
“It is my business. You’re my girlfriend.”
“I’m not anymore.”
Mingyu inhales a sharp breath. “So, you’re choosing him?” 
“I—I— what?” you blurt out, surprised at his audacity. “I’m not choosing anybody. And it’s really bold of you to assume that you’re still one of my options after all that.” 
Scoffing, Mingyu drinks from his water. He looks at you with a blank stare as he says, “Well, be honest with me now. Do you love him?” 
“Do I love him?” You chuckle, not the least bit of humor in it. “You don’t really deserve my honesty, Mingyu. You had all of those four months to be honest with me and you didn’t do shit. Don’t ask me any personal questions and expect me to give you an honest answer. Because I won’t give you any of it.” 
“You said a lot of things but I know you love him just as much as he loves you.”
“What are you talking about?”
This time, Mingyu’s tone borders on sharp when he leans down to get to you closer so you can hear him clearly. “You think it was easy for me to be in a relationship with you when all you could talk and think about was Jungkook? Jungkook who was only supposedly your bestfriend?” It’s said with so much wrath that you can’t help but physically recoil at his words. When you don’t say anything, Mingyu continues, “Jungkook told me this movie’s good, Jungkook said their aglio e olio tastes great, Jungkook and I were just talking about this — I could go on how many times you’ve always managed to insert him in anything even when we’re together, but I did not want to be that kind of boyfriend who got jealous over their girl’s friends, and I was that for you – and you think I’m the bad guy here?”
You blink, mouth opening and closing. You fish for some words, something to defend yourself with. Have you really said all that? Did you really do that? Did you really talk about Jungkook enough times that Mingyu took notice of it? 
You’ve always thought that your friendship with Jungkook is platonic. You’ve convinced yourself of that and Jungkook seemed to think the same — at least that’s what you thought prior to his confession – and you like to think that your friendship works, even though the majority of people don’t agree that opposite genders can be purely friends.
But… did you think wrong? Did you really just convince yourself it was platonic when all along… it was not? 
You don’t exactly recall the moments that you talked about him while you were with Mingyu. It’s hard to when talking about Jungkook just comes like second nature. You don’t count the times you see the grass being green – because they are and will always be green. 
And that’s what Jungkook is to you. He’s been such a constant presence in your life that you can’t help but bring him up in any case because… because it just feels right to do so.
Now you think about your relationship with Eunwoo. How he never really liked Jungkook. Did he think the same as Mingyu? Did you also talk about your best friend too much in his presence? Did he count the times you mentioned Jungkook’s name in your conversations? Do you really talk so much about him?
“See?” Mingyu says after a while and it snaps you out of your stupor. “Don’t tell me I’m a liar when you’ve also been lying to me this whole time.” 
“How dare you?” You snap at him. You can take him pointing out about the thing with Jungkook, but never this. “I didn’t hide anything from you. I was not the one with the history of cheating with their friend’s girlfriend and I didn’t talk behind your back like you’re merely just a piece of meat.” 
Mingyu visibly stills and you bite your lip after saying the words. You didn’t mean for it to come out that way. Didn’t really mean to say that in the first place. But it’s done and you can’t cry over spilled milk. 
Doesn’t negate the fact that you feel like shit, though.
“You think I didn’t regret what I did?” Mingyu says, a little quiet this time. If you weren’t at the quieter part of the restaurant, in a booth where the sound of the classical music and people’s chatters are muffled, you won’t hear him at all. “Jungkook and I were close, __. We really were. And I fucked up and ruined his trust. But you also don’t know how and why that happened. Jiyeon was already cheating on him before she hit on me–” 
“Oh, so is that the part where you volunteered to be one of her “victims”, too?” You say sarcastically, cutting him off, incredulous about the fact that he’s really trying to make excuses for himself right now. 
“We were fucking drunk– and high, okay? We didn’t know what we were doing.” Mingyu says through his teeth, and it’s the first time you see him lose control. He’s always so kempt and so composed, it’s baffling you’re seeing him in this state.
But you refuse to believe his bullshit. 
“You know what, I don't know why you’re saying this to me. You should be saying this to Jungkook and frankly, I simply don’t care. What happened back then is between you – don’t include me into any of your arguments ever again,” You say exasperatedly. “My issue is that – and why I’m breaking up with you in the first place – is that you lied to me, Mingyu. You lied to me about so much. And If I were to go through this relationship with you longer, I don't know what else you’re going to lie to me about, and I don’t want that. Let’s not waste each other’s time and end it right here, right now.” 
Mingyu leans back on his seat. “I can’t change your mind even if I apologize to you about that, huh?”
You shake your head.
He nods. 
“Alright.” 
You look at him again.
Kim Mingyu has sharp features that usually make him look broody from an outsider perspective, but you’ve seen the way he smiles and how gentle he looks when he does. Right now, though, he looks… genuinely sad. 
He lied to you, yes, but somehow, there’s still some part of you that wants to know if he felt the least bit genuine about you. That it wasn’t all just a ploy to get to Jungkook. 
“Did you really like me? Even for a moment?” You break the silence, voice breaking slightly at the end. 
Mingyu looks up at you and you don’t expect the way his lips curl up into a small smile. “Yes, __. I did. I liked you the first time we met and believe it or not, I still have feelings for you right now.”
You look away to avoid his intense gaze. 
It’s weird. It’s so weird. Because even though you know in your heart that he’s not and will never be good for you and that he’s not a loss, your heart still aches at the declaration. 
“I don’t really know if I believe that.” You say, almost like a whisper. 
“I’m sorry, then.” Mingyu says, and it sounds so sincere that you start to feel some sort of stinging in both sides of your eyes.
In what seemed like forever, the waiter arrives with your orders, and you both look up and offer him a hand in placing them on your table, bidding him thanks as he once again walks away. 
You and Mingyu both look at your food. 
“I think I’m going first. I have a trial tomorrow, so I need to take care of that.” He says suddenly. 
Nibbling your bottom lip, you watch as he begins to fix his shirt, ready to stand up. 
“Okay.” 
“__?” You look up at him when he calls your name. He seems to hesitate for a bit, but he says, “Can you… can you tell Jungkook I’m sorry?” 
Staring at his face, you try to look for a hint of sarcasm. Or anything indicative of malice. But all you see is sincerity. 
At that, you shake your head. “No.” Mingyu’s face falls. “Talk to him yourself if you really are sorry. I’m not your mailman, Mingyu.” 
He sighs. “Alright. I guess you’re right,” And then, “And I’m saying sorry, to you too, you didn’t deserve that. I was angry, and that’s not an excuse. So, I’m sorry. Will you…” he clears his throat. “Will you ever forgive me?”
You shrug. “I don’t know. Probably.” 
Mingyu gives you a timid smile. “Okay.” 
When he takes out his wallet and a black card from there, you instantly stop him from calling over the waiter. 
“No, it’s fine, I’ll take care of it. I’m the one who invited you here.” You say, talking him out of paying. 
He shakes his head, insisting, “It’s okay.”
“Seriously, I can handle it.” 
Mingyu lets out a chuckle which makes you smile a bit before you scold yourself. 
“I know. But can you let me? This is… this is probably the last time we’ll see each other.” 
At that, you relax back in your seat, staring at him. He stares right back at you. 
With a slow nod, you let him call over the waiter.
He departs with a small goodbye that you return with a timid wave. 
When you go home that night, you cried yourself to sleep, thankful that Jungkook hasn’t come home from his shift yet.
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Things are… fine. 
Unlike your previous break-ups that left you in agony for the following days after it happened, the one with Mingyu did not really leave a huge emotional impact. It makes you wonder if you’ve overestimated your feelings for him… makes you question yourself if you really thought he was the one when things were fine, and you both dated happily. 
You don’t bother yourself looking for answers, because the relationship is done and there’s no point in going over the details when it’s you yourself who ended the ties. 
While that is not the sole reason of your melancholic feeling these days, it lies on another person; your roommate, Jungkook – your best friend of eight years who’s apparently been in love with you the whole time. 
It’s only been a few weeks ever since you talked about him moving out. He said it was about time for him to leave the place – he’s been here longer than you, after all. He wrote and sent the notice to his landlord, and it’s been about two weeks since then, so you assume he’s already got his approval. 
While things may look normal and right from an outsider’s perspective… things aren’t exactly the way they were before.
Jungkook and you are close. You share almost everything together. Your friendship has been honed throughout the many years and obstacles you’ve faced together and so it’s only natural for you two to be as close.
But nowadays… you can feel that closeness slipping away. It flares up something inside you; like that feeling of grief when you remember that friend in highschool who you stopped talking to after graduation. You don’t know exactly what the reason is for the abrupt end of communication, but the finish line is there and you’ve both reached it without the other knowing – and you’re left fending for yourselves, looking ahead at your own worlds and letting your lives flow to the stream of the river. 
It’s strange, really; how everything feels somewhat normal but also really under that condition. 
Jungkook and you would text each other nonstop – he could be in his own room, and he’d still text you about random shit that ends up with him going to your room anyway just to annoy you for a bit before you kick him out and you both go to sleep. He’d ask to borrow something – anything, ask your food preference for the night, and he’d always ask you when your shift ends so you can go together if your schedules align. Meanwhile, you ask him to join you in the living room for spontaneous movie nights, ask him to give you a massage, and you’d both talk about your days, catching up on the hours you weren’t together.
And now there’s none of that. 
Now, you both greet each other when the other one gets home almost like a chore. Like how your roommate from college used to welcome you when you arrived at the dorm from classes. When either you or he is in the living room or something, you’d both tell each other that “Dinner’s in the fridge, you can microwave it”, instead of “What do you think we should have for dinner?”. Jungkook asks if you need a ride to the hospital because he knows you don’t have a car anymore, but you refuse because it’s obvious it’s just for formality. 
You don’t know if it’s just the overthinker in you, but it feels like Jungkook’s pulling back and he has no intention of making things right – or talk about what happened. 
He’s so… he’s so civil.
And you miss him so much it makes you sad.
It makes you confused. Sort of mad. He makes you feel a lot of things – but you hate that you’ve just been compartmentalizing and not doing any processing at all. 
You spent the past few weeks pointing out to yourself the differences that your relationship is going through. You spend some nights beating yourself up whether to go barge in his room and confront him with everything – but you do none of that. 
Instead, you pretend everything’s okay. At the hospital, you’ve no longer avoided him and said hi which he returns with a smile. Nayeon, Taehyung, and Doyeon, thought at first that everything’s back to normal, but you know they’re slowly realizing that it has not. 
Tonight, though, at Nayeon’s reception party after her wedding, you try hard to ignore all those angsts and choose to enjoy yourself instead. It’s Nayeon’s big day. The last thing you wanted to be was a bum.
Everybody is socializing with each other, and since you’ve had your fair share of conversations with other people at this point, you choose to sit out on the dance.
Suddenly, Billy Joel’s Uptown Girl is playing and the majority coos and exclaims in excitement as they hurry to the dancefloor, some taking their partners along with them.
“Look, they’re playing your favorite song.” 
Your head snaps to the side in reflex to see who it was, only to see Jungkook. Words get caught in your tongue for a moment, a bit surprised to see him. You mean – sure, he’s been here for a while. It is Nayeon’s wedding, after all, but weirdly enough, you two haven’t shared a conversation yet throughout the day. 
Until now, anyway.
Recovering from your initial surprise, you scoot over to the side, giving him space to maybe… sit beside you? 
“That’s not my favorite song.” You scoff, sipping on your champagne right after, looking right ahead as you feel Jungkook situating himself on the chair beside you.
“Oh… has it changed now?” Jungkook says, and there’s a lilt of teasing tone to it that you look at him in wonder. 
Meeting his gaze, you find he’s just smiling at you. He’s in an off-white tux, a lily pinned on his chest pocket. He’s done his hair in that usual way he cleans up for formal events like this, gelled and parted slightly off center to show off his forehead. It’s slightly longer than you’ve last noticed it looked, and you think he hasn’t been trimming it… 
Nonetheless, he looks simply put… dashing. 
“I change my favorite song every five to seven business days,” you say coolly. “Anyway, why aren’t you there?” you point to where the flock of people is having a ball to Billy Joel.
Truthfully, you kind of wish you were there as well. You’ve always danced to that song in your room or in the shower.
“I’m right where I want to be,” Jungkook shrugs. “Why aren’t you there?” 
You lie, “I’m right where I want to be as well.” 
He hums. “You don’t want to show them your moves?” 
You look at him in disbelief, gawking at him. “Are you teasing me?” 
Jungkook widens his eyes, but you know he knows what you’re talking about, and it sounds like he’s trying to keep from laughing when he says, “No. I just happen to know you’re a great dancer.” 
With that, you feel yourself getting carried away by how easily your conversation goes. It makes you think about the old times – where talking to him always made your day because he's funny and he makes you laugh and you make him laugh.
“Fuck off. You know very well I have two left feet.” You chuckle, shaking your head at him.
“Wasn’t the case when you were dancing inside a boiler room during med school at that rave party we went to, but okay.”  
You can’t help but laugh louder, and with that, you jab a lighthearted slap to his bicep without thinking too much of it. 
“I told you that never happened.” 
“Oh…” Jungkook puts down his champagne and cocks his head to the side. “What happened?” 
You giggle. Yes, giggle. Like a schoolgirl. And you watch as Jungkook joins in your laughter, taking the glass close to his face to sip from it. 
Then: “You wanna dance?” Jungkook suddenly says, but he’s looking at the dancefloor. 
“Hm. Dunno. Uptown Girl isn’t exactly rave music.” 
That earns you a chuckle from Jungkook. “But it’s fun music, right?” 
Soon after, he stands up from his seat. You look at him questioningly, but he mirrors it back with an expectant gaze and a raised brow. Seeing you getting apprehensive, he offers his hand and that’s when you roll your eyes, taking his hand as you pretend to stand up against your will and follow him to the crowd.
You chuckle as Jungkook suddenly sways his hips to the upbeat of the song, moving his arms around playfully. You’d like to think he’s doing that intentionally – to make you laugh? Loosen up? Whatever the idea behind it, it’s effective, because you can’t stop laughing as you watch him. 
“Come on, we do this all the time!” Jungkook says over the loud music and people’s candid chattering.
And he’s not wrong because you do have mini parties in the living room of your apartment, pretending like the city before the glass wall across the area is your audience. 
But you two are usually drunk during those moments, and right now, with only one glass of champagne, you’re not near being tipsy. 
“This is so silly!” You exclaim, but you find yourself matching Jungkook’s spontaneous choreography, and it earns you a laugh from him as well. 
“And when she’s walking, she’s looking so fi-i-ne,” Jungkook sings along, gesturing to you. You cover your face because you can’t stop laughing at how he looks – how you two must look – but you’re almost sure nobody’s paying attention because everybody is just having fun on their own. He has a good voice, though – even though he’s trying to act goofy with it. Jungkook doesn’t like when people point it out, or more like, gets shy when you bring it up. 
Suddenly, he steps closer to you and reaches for your hand. Looking at him with confusion, still with that wide grin on your face, he gives you a playful smile before he guides your arm upwards. You utter a sound of a delighted snort, understanding where he’s getting at. With Jungkook guiding you, you do a mildly successful turn that makes you both laugh because as you were just getting back in your original position, you almost trip. Good thing that Jungkook’s there to catch you by the waist, the contact only lasting for a brief second before he lets go to dance on his own again. 
“I wish I was an uptown girl!” You yell over the music.
“You’re kinda an uptown girl if you think about it.” Jungkook responds, nodding his head as if he believes that. 
You chuckle, shaking your head at him. “No.” 
“Yes, you are. You’re sophisticated and elegant.”
“Well, this—” you point between your bodies, “– is not very sophisticated and elegant of me.” 
“Touché.” Jungkook laughs.
“But will you be my downtown man?” You say, not really thinking too much about it but then you suddenly realize what you just said and you’re about to add something to it – like putting a disclaimer that it was just a joke. 
But then Jungkook leans closer, ducks down to level with your ear. “I can be if you want me to.” 
The song ends and you barely had time to process what just happened before the soft piano progression of Carole King’s Will You Love Me Tomorrow begins to play. 
You hear the collective “Aww”s from the audience and you watch as everybody suddenly pairs up with someone else. As the first lyric of the song is sung, you can feel the upbeat energy from earlier dropping to a calmer atmosphere. Romantic, you’d say it is.
When you look at Jungkook again, he has a small smile on his face. It’s as gentle as the piano behind the song. 
“Can I?” He says. 
You nibble on your bottom lip. “You want to?”
Jungkook only nods, still smiling.
“Only if you want to as well.” 
You look around again. It’s not hard to spot Taehyung from afar on the dancefloor as well, with a gorgeous Hyerin in his arms. He doesn’t seem to notice you looking, though, but you watch the way he ducks down to whisper something in her ear, prompting a laugh from her. 
Putting your gaze back to Jungkook, you blink as you say, “It’s… okay, I guess.” 
“Okay?” Jungkook clarifies. You nod your head and he smiles that dashing smile again before he steps closer to you.
Slowly, he puts a hand around your waist. And you know he did it awhile ago, but the contact ended so briefly that you didn’t really have the chance to… somehow… savor it, maybe? But right now, as you fumble with your own hand, deciding whether or not you should put a hand on his waist as well, the proximity makes your breath hitch. 
Your heart beats abnormally fast against your ribcage, and usually, it’s not hard to stare Jungkook in the face – but you find it a difficult task to do nowadays. 
Jungkook, unsuspecting of your inner dilemma, only seems to notice your confusion with your hand placement, chuckling as he guides your wrist to his shoulder. He raises his other arm with yours and interlocks your fingers with his mid-air.
“There,” Jungkook says once you’re in the right position. “Now we look like professional dancers.” 
You wince. “What’s the next step?” 
“You’re taking this very seriously,” Jungkook snorts as he begins to move his feet. 
You try to match his pace, and that distracts you from the fact that you're so close you can smell his cologne very well. 
“Where did you learn this?” You ask instead, quite amazed at how Jungkook is approaching this. It’s not like you’ve never slow danced in your life – but you weren’t kidding when you said you have two left feet. 
“Wikihow.” 
“Wow.” 
“They can be super reliable at times,” Jungkook chuckles as he continues to swing you both gently. “Stop looking down.” 
You groan. “Ugh, no. I’m trying very hard not to not step on you.”
“So what if you step on me? Just relax.” 
Jutting your bottom lip out, you look up at him. “My heels are Louboutin.” 
“Even better.” 
“Stop.” You break away from his hold with your other hand to jab at his chest lightly. Jungkook lets out an “Owe!” but you know it didn’t actually hurt when he just grins down at you, placing his hand on your waist instead so now he’s just… simply holding you.
You ignore the weird feeling in your chest at the action, choosing to keep your hand on his chest. 
“You wanna know something?” You whisper. Jungkook hums. “I didn’t go to prom in highschool.” 
“What? Why?” Jungkook genuinely seems surprised to hear that.
You smile sadly, looking back at the memory bitterly. “Changsub and I were fighting around that time because I saw him at the mall with some girl the previous week. I was so angry that I didn’t care about what I’d be missing out on. My mom tried really hard to get me to attend, but I was very stubborn. Now I still regret not going to prom. My dress was really pretty back then too but I didn't even get to wear it.” 
“Damn,” Jungkook utters. “He really was such a dick to you, huh?” 
“Yeah. But it was still on me, though… I can’t believe I let a boy make me miss out on prom night.” You pout.
Jungkook’s quiet for a while before he abruptly stops his swaying. You look at him in confusion as he lets go of your waist. 
“Well, I don’t have a corsage… but this can maybe do?” He fumbles with his chest first before he takes out the silk lavender handkerchief from his suit’s pocket that matches his tie and the lily on his chest. He looks at you for a while before he takes your wrist in his hand. Your brows knit together as he ties the fabric around your wrist, making sure to finish it up with a ribbon – an attempt at a ribbon, that is. 
You chuckle. “What’s this?” 
Jungkook grins. “You wanna know something too? I didn’t have a date on prom night – was too scared to ask anybody out. I went home after the first hour. Wasn’t really a fond memory. So, prom night definitely sucked for me… what I’m saying is that, it’s not really all that.” 
You duck your head down to laugh, partly to hide the flutter in your heart at his words.
“So, like, is this our – what – our upgraded prom night?” 
Jungkook nods proudly. He takes both your hands as you laugh, wrapping them around his neck, taking you by the waist again. 
This time, you don’t feel like your breath is being taken away.
You feel… serene. The beating of your heart is back to normal. You realize, there’s a sense of comfort that comes from being close to him like this – talking and laughing like good old times. 
You miss him. You miss him so much and you can’t believe you ever considered accepting a life without him in it. 
“The dress looks good on you, by the way,” Jungkook comments, and it sounds so sincere that you can’t help but smile. As if that wasn’t enough to melt your heart, he adds, “And you look really beautiful.” 
“T-thanks,” you stammer, taken aback at the almost intimate way he looks right into your eyes as he said that. You tighten your hold around his neck. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” 
“Thank you.” 
You both chuckle, though there was nothing really funny said in particular.
Carole King’s gentle voice soothes you as Jungkook takes the lead of the dance. You’re not even doing anything other than just going with the flow, letting him take you wherever. There’s a moment when you were sure you stepped on his shoe, but Jungkook’s quick to dismiss you with a hush and saying it was nothing. 
Tonight with words unspoken,
You say that I’m the only one
But will my heart be broken,
When the night meets the morning sun
You scoff as you finally hear the lyrics.
That may have taken a hit on you. 
“This is so stupid.” You say.
Jungkook’s quick to react.
“Rude. I’m literally giving you a prom night from scratch.”
You look at him and you feel bad because he genuinely seems offended at your supposedly throw-away comment.
Shaking your head, you tap his chest lightly. “No, no. I mean– the lyrics. The song.”
Jungkook arches a brow. “I have a video of you crying over this song in your car when it came up on your playlist.” 
“I didn’t cry over this song.” You roll your eyes. 
“Not as much as you did over Silver Springs, anyway.” 
“Oh my god, why do you know so much, Jesus,” you hiss, embarrassed at being confronted by your dramatic antics. “I just meant, why are they playing such a sad song at a wedding? Who approved this?” 
“Eh,” Jungkook shrugs. “Maybe Nayeon’s a Carole King fan.” 
“Is she?” you ask, genuinely curious. If she is, she never told anybody.
“Maybe…?” 
You can’t help but laugh because of how the conversation progressed. Jungkook laughs as well, and he takes the jab you send to his chest with a light hand. They’re really hard, you think, and you don’t know what comes over you as you lean your head down and let your body fall towards him, laying your cheek on the lapel of his suit. It’s warm.
You feel Jungkook stilling in his position at your sudden action, but soon enough, he does nothing to pry you off like you feared for a moment he would, tightening his arms around your waist and swinging you both in that kind of laxed way. 
Shutting your eyes close, you let the soft melody of the song ease your nerves, basking in Jungkook’s presence and his familiar scent. 
You stay like that for a while, and just when the song is coming to an end, you feel Jungkook’s breathe in your ears, his lips almost brushing to the tips of your ears when he says, “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything back then, but I really miss you too.” 
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You drank more champagne than you anticipated and it’s why you wobble your way into the bathroom to do some half-ass retouch. Just as when you were putting away your make-up, Nayeon comes out from one of the cubicles. 
“Hey, you gorgeous, gorgeous girl,” She says with a huge smile, now changed into a much simpler dress, in contrast to her voluminous one earlier.
You mirror her grin, opening your arms wide to engulf her in a hug. “Hi to you too. Congrats again on the wedding. I’m so incredibly happy for you. You and Minhyuk are perfect.” 
When Nayeon breaks apart from your hug, she looks at you closely. “I saw you with Jungkook earlier. Lots of people saw you two earlier.” 
“What?” 
“I mean… slow dancing to Will You Love Me Tomorrow in a weirdly intimate way was kind of insane, if you ask me.” 
“Oh, uhm…” you feel blood rushing to your cheeks as you grow embarrassed at the thought of people catching you in that position. You remember after the song ended, you made up some excuse about going to the bathroom to pee and you did – but you pointedly tried to stay out of Jungkook’s sight ever since.
One step forward, three steps back.
“How are you two by the way?” 
“We’re fine.” You say, giving her a reassuring smile. 
Nayeon stares at you for a moment. Then, she sighs. “You’re not, are you?”
“No, we really are. We’re– we’re talking, right?” You point out.
“But… he’s moving out of your place.”
“Well, he needs a change of scenery. He’s been there for four years so he must be tired living there.” 
Nayeon stares at you again and when you look at her face, your heart twinges as you see the disappointment written all over her features. 
“I don’t understand you both, really. You have this… this beautiful thing going on and you’re choosing to ignore that? It’s obvious that you feel something for him, __. Just be honest with him and see where it goes. I know you two are pretending that everything’s fine but you’re both hurting each other and you’re acting like it’s nothing – it’s all just unnecessary angst at this point. What are you two doing?” Nayeon asks. 
“I…”
“Come on, __. Do you really want to let each other go? Do you really want to drift apart? Because it’s been almost a month of pussyfooting. And I don’t know if you’re just expecting that your luck is not gonna run out, but it is going to. And I know you’re going to regret it.” 
You stare at Nayeon while listening to her words. You don’t expect the sharp edges to her voice. You’ve always thought that if someone was going to call you out on your bullshit – it was going to be Doyeon. She’s the bluntest in the group and would not hesitate to tell someone if they’re being a bitch or not – so you don’t expect Nayeon to be like this at all because she’s always been a soft-spoken sweetheart.
It's not like Doyeon hasn’t been harsh, either, though. You had a drink with her and Taehyung a month ago and let’s just say she kind of ranted about you feeling like you’re in a romcom or something. 
She shuts her eyes close, and you can just feel her frustration emanating. “I’m sorry – I know I’m being harsh right now. But I just can’t bear seeing you two like this. I just got married today and I feel like I’m learning and realizing so much right now and one of those is that I’m extremely lucky to have found someone I’m so sure of, and while Minhyuk was saying his vows I looked back at my past relationships and just thought that… that I’m so glad I was finally at that point and… and right now I can’t stop thinking about you two,” Nayeon sighs. “You two love each other so much. Everybody can see it. Why are you both running away from each other? What gives?” 
You look away.
You both do love each other. They are right.
And while you can’t exactly say if what you feel for Jungkook right now bounds in being in love – there’s quite literally only one thing in the world that you’re certain of, and it’s that he’s the most important person to you – the only one you can think of spending a lifetime with and not get sick of it.
And that was something.
But…
“Because it’s scary.” You say, finally.
“What’s scary?”
You inhale a sharo breath.
“For eight years I’ve always thought that we were only platonic. But somewhere in my head I always thought that he was my soulmate, you know? I thought about us ending up together and I remember liking that thought. But years went by, and nothing ever happened and I swear I was happy with Eunwoo but you know what I’m ashamed of all this time that I never told anybody?” Your vision of Nayeon gets blurry as you begin tearing up. “I think… I have been in denial for so long. I think… I think I secretly looked for a part of Jungkook in Eunwoo and I think Eunwoo knew that. I think everybody who I’ve ever been with knew that except for myself. Because I was in denial. Even right now, I’m still in denial. You don’t know how – you don’t know how strange it is to suddenly wake up and realize that you don’t see your friend as a mere friend anymore. You don’t know how hard it is to overthink things – like what if it doesn’t work out and everything falls apart? Our friendship is so important to me, I hold it in the highest regard, and I don’t want anything to ever go against it. But now I’m doing that myself and I just… I hate it. But I don’t know what to do. Jungkook’s moving out just like it seems like he’s moving on and I’m scared that I’m too late to do anything.” 
Your speech leaves Nayeon’s mouth agape, clearly not expecting your outburst. But she recovers quickly. She steps closer in front of you, and in a second, engulfs you in a hug. 
“I’m sorry,” you sniff, making sure to not let your tears fall down her dress. “I think I’ve been keeping that for a long time.”
“It’s okay… I’m glad you said that.” 
“Yeah… I think I’m glad too,” you both chuckle. 
“__?”
You hum.
“Just talk to Jungkook. If you’re worried about him moving out, he’s not. I can tell you that much.” 
You break the hug and look at Nayeon. “Nayeon, he literally has everything packed. I think he’s leaving early in the morning tomorrow.”
Nayeon fixes a strand of stray hairs from your hair framing your face. “Hm. He has?” You nod. “Well, as I said, he’s not leaving. Trust me. But you have to tell him everything that you told me just now. Be honest, __. It feels scary right now but, try to take a leap of faith, okay? This is not some toxic positivity shit or anything like that, but just be honest, alright?” 
Nibbling on your bottom lip, you look at her hesitantly. “Are you… are you sure?” 
Nayeon nods, and she looks so sure of herself that it may have fired up a little bit of hope in you. 
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The party is still ongoing, but you decide that it’s time for you to clock out. After you bid your goodbyes to Nayeon and her now husband, to Doyeon and to Taehyung, you head out of the venue to try and book a taxi. You couldn’t find Jungkook earlier at the party, so you decided to send him a text that says you were going home. 
“Need a ride?” 
The ever-familiar voice expectedly appears to be Jungkook when you look at him. 
“Hey,” you greet. “No. I was just about to book an Uber.” 
Jungkook’s brows furrow. You think he looks handsome under the moonlight. “We can ride together in my car. I’m going home as well.”
“N-no, no, ‘s really fine,” you wave your hand, emphasizing your point. 
Jungkook grows more confused. Then: “Are you drunk?” 
You wince, hating that he instantly knows right away. 
“Sorta, kinda…” 
“And you want to Uber?” You pout. You hear him scoff. “There’s no way I’m leaving you alone in this state. Okay, let’s get you to my car.” 
“I’m fine, really,” you say but it sounds whiny even to your ears. 
“You can be stubborn all you want. But in the passenger’s seat.” Jungkook gives you a sharp stare, but his hold on your wrist is gentle as he guides you to the parking lot. 
He wears the seatbelt around your waist and lets you settle on your seat, rounding the car to get behind the wheel right after. You look away. You thought he'd be more... not nice to you since you just left him earlier with a poor excuse.
You feel guilty. So guilty. Jungkook is so... he makes you feel so loved but you're just... so confused. You're so scared it doesn't even make sense.
When he starts the engine, he asks, “Why did you drink so much?” 
It's easy to ignore the heavy thoughts in your head when you're half-asleep at this point.
“I dunno. The champagne was so good… I bet it was probably expensive. I can’t have that much free stuff until –” you stop, as if remembering something, sitting upright. “When is Taehyung’s wedding?” 
“He doesn’t have a wedding, ba—__. He hasn’t proposed to Hyerin yet.” 
You slump in your chair hearing that. 
“Why? They’re so perfect together… they should marry…” You say before dropping back down to your seat again. The AC in Jungkook’s car whirrs softly in your ear, and when you look to the side, you find yourself staring at his side profile.
He’s taken off his white coat, now left with a white shirt and his purple tie. He’s pushed the sleeves up to his forearms, showing the veins all over them.
“Jungkook.” you call him.
“What is it?” He says, momentarily looking at you before focusing back on the road.
“Can I…” you look at his hand. You sniff. “Can I hold your hand?”
Well, he does not expect that at all. But he smiles anyway, taking off one hand on the wheel and reaching for your own hand over the center console. You watch the way his huge palm dwarfs your own, and you almost sigh in relief when he laces his fingers with yours, squeezing your hand as he rests it over his thigh.
The last thing you hear is Jungkook’s soft chuckle before you completely drift off to sleep. 
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When you awake, you’re in your room. Seconds after regaining consciousness, you notice the banging in your head – and when you blearily open your eyes, reaching around for your phone, you don’t find it. 
Groaning, you stand up from your bed, realizing you’re now in a shirt and some pajamas. But weirdly enough, you seem to still have your bra on.
You peek through the inside of your shirt and alas, the white lace of your bra from last night’s event welcomes you, and when you stretch the waistband of your shorts to check on your panties, you still adorn the pair of white thong, which means only one thing. 
You haven’t changed completely out of the garments you’ve worn to Nayeon’s wedding and you wonder how it all happened. When you look to the side, your clutch is placed on the nightstand and so you grab it, relieved to find your phone there. 
Shockingly, you read it’s only over 2 am. 
With furrowed brows, you go over to the mirror to check your ensemble. Your face isn’t and doesn't feel as heavy with make-up as it was back at the venue, and you’re definitely dressed down now. 
You remember passing out in Jungkook’s car after he insisted that you ride with him… and everything had been a blur since then. 
Suddenly, an idea goes into your head. 
Did Jungkook… change your clothes and remove your make-up? That’s the only plausible thing that you can consider because you honestly don’t remember ever dressing yourself or going to the bathroom to remove your make-up. And if you did change out of the gown, you would've opted out of your underwear as well. 
Maybe Jungkook did all that. 
And the thought makes you smile. But it drops just as quickly. 
You head towards your door and go straight knocking on Jungkook’s bedroom. 
You don’t expect him to be awake at this point, but when you hear steps coming your way and the doorknob clicking, you stare at Jungkook wide-eyed when he welcomes you with his presence behind the door.
“Hey,” He greets, predictably surprised to see you. “You’re awake.”
“Yeah…” your eyes don’t mean to subtly roam his room. Then that’s when you catch it. The bags lying around his bedroom floor and the neatly piled boxes to the side. Your eyebrows meet each other. “You’re packing?” 
Jungkook nods. “I’m leaving tomorrow, I told you that, didn’t I?” 
“Y-you did, yeah.” You stammer, blinking at him. You suddenly feel like throwing up. “Well, I just came to thank you for…” you trail off, gesturing to your clothes.
Seemingly getting what you mean, Jungkook’s lips curl up into a coy smile. “I hope you don’t mind. I tried to wake you up, but you were complaining about your dress when you were sleeping…”
“Yeah… I’m glad you took it off.” You wince. “That sounds wrong. Anyway, the make-up, too. I have to ask, did I throw up on you?” 
Jungkook laughs, incredulous. “No, no, you didn’t. Are you seriously worried about that?” 
“I just feel bad.” You give him a tight-lipped smile. 
“It’s okay. You should sleep now, it’s late. Do you have a shift tomorrow– or later, actually.” 
“Yeah, I do. But it’s the evening shift. So. You?” 
“I have the morning until three in the afternoon.” 
Nodding, you ask, “Are you leaving at three then? I mean, to your new place?”
“Yeah. Will just pass by here to get some of my stuff.”
You try to look for something on his face. But Jungkook looks casual at best. Now you remember what Nayeon told you. Was she lying when she said you’re going to convince Jungkook not to move out? Because from the looks of it, Jungkook doesn’t seem like anything would budge him from leaving tomorrow. He seems so set on a mission, and you can’t lie and say that it doesn’t break your heart. 
You find yourself thinking about the events at the reception party. How he threw you a quick prom, told you you were beautiful… how he said he missed you. 
Was that all a lie? Just something he said to avoid some sort of dead air? 
Because if he truly misses you, then why would he leave? 
You find yourself getting annoyed. 
“I’ll be back to my room.” You say to get out of the situation. You notice Jungkook getting taken aback by the change of your tone, even more so when you turn on your heels quickly to take the two strides it takes you to your own bedroom. 
In there, you throw yourself on the mattress, the impact affecting you a little bit. You must still be drunk because you feel your vision getting blurry a bit but as you quickly shut and open your eyes, everything goes back to normal. 
You sigh. 
Well, maybe you’re actually meant to be alone and it’s true that you’re not meant for any romantic relationships. You’ll die alone and you’ll just have to deal with the heartbreaks you went through your whole life. 
A stray tear escapes your eye, and you quickly raise the back of your hand to wipe at it. You glare at the wall dividing your and Jungkook’s rooms, finding it annoying that you’re not really mad at him. It’d be so easy if you were mad at him… but you have no reason to.
But why is he so stubborn? Why isn’t he saying anything? Can he just… can it just be him who takes the leap of faith, so you won’t have to? You know that’s unfair, though. It’s juvenile. 
In a burst of courage, you take one pillow from your bed and stomp your way out of your bedroom, finding yourself in front of Jungkook’s room again and knocking. 
He opens it, rightfully surprised to see you again. “H-hey, __, I thought—”
“Can I sleep here?” 
You can see the way his face contorts into confusion. “What?” 
“Can I sleep in your room?” You reiterate, but you’re already forcing your way in. You throw your pillow on his own heap of dark ones, frowning when you see the bags on the floor. “Are you just going to pack forever? You’ve been packing since yesterday.”
Your clipped tone throws Jungkook off a little bit, but he doesn’t point that out, though, when he speaks. “No. I’m actually done now.” 
“Okay? Well, then, let’s sleep.” You say, staring at him. He looks stoned in his position from the edge of the bed, so utterly confused. 
“Are you… still drunk?” 
“What? No.”
“O… kay?” Jungkook looks extra cautious when he seats himself on the mattress by your feet. “Are you sure?” 
“About what?”
“I don’t know. About not being drunk and… sleeping here.” 
“Yeah,” you answer, pointing out the obvious. “Why are you acting like we haven’t had sleepovers before? You used to sleep in my room when there was a spider in your closet.” 
Jungkook makes a face. “It was a huge spider.” 
You roll your eyes, going into a lying position, making sure to leave some space for him on the side. “Jungkook.” 
“Okay, I’m going. So demanding.” 
He playfully clicks his tongue as he lays on the bed as well, sliding his body across the mattress. He doesn’t expect the way you take his arm to spread it on your side of the bed, and you don’t let him say another word when you lay your head on it, keeping your hands close to your chest as you snuggle beside him. 
You could feel there was a moment there that Jungkook stiffened for a bit, but he relaxes just as quickly, feeling him caress your head tentatively as if feeling you out before he goes for it completely. 
“This is what you’re gonna be missing out on when you move out.” you mumble.
You’re grateful when he only says: “Hm?”
“Nothing.” You open your eyes and because of the close proximity, your eyes are at the level of the side view of his chest, and you see the way his thin white shirt clings to his body, rising up and down with his breathing. “I saw your keys earlier. I’m glad you like the Claddagh.” 
Jungkook laughs. “The Claddagh, huh? I knew you knew what that keychain meant,” You frown when you realize you were supposed to pretend you didn’t know that. Oh, well, he figured you out right away, anyway. “I really like it, by the way. It was very thoughtful,” Jungkook says. You can’t see him in your position, but you just know he has a smile on his face. He sounds like it. 
“Thank you. I thought about gifting you a watch… but watches are expensive, so…” You decide to joke, and Jungkook laughs which makes you smile. 
“I would choose the Claddagh any day. I just… I really like it. I interpreted it as a deep sense of belonging and shared history, and I’ve known you for eight years, so that seems very fitting. I’m glad you chose to give me that.” 
It was also a reminder of your relationship. Your love for each other. The loyalty that lies in its foundation, and how you’ve managed to build that over the years. Jungkook’s ultimately your soulmate – that you’re sure of – even though that’s a bit of a cliche and you don’t exactly believe in it entirely. A bit of a conflict, really, since you’re a hopeless romantic. 
But you’ve long known that you and Jungkook are more than just friends. You trust and respect each other beyond words – and it’s more than what you could say about your previous romantic partners. Sure, there was that sense of admiration for one another with your ex-boyfriends, but Jungkook is different. He’s always been different. 
You’ve known that all along – but it’s only now that you decided to read between the lines. 
And you want to tell him that. So badly. But you choose to let the gentle tips of his fingers lull you to that comfortable annexe of warmth, easing you from overwhelming thoughts. 
Has Jungkook always felt like the embodiment of comfort for you? Has he always felt like everything good you can imagine having in your life?
Then, you feel him lean down to the top of your head. “You smell so nice. You aren’t my soulmate after all.” 
That makes you violently crane your neck up to look at him. “What?”
“There was this article that Tae sent to me. It was from Cosmo, I think. It says you’re not supposed to be able to smell your soulmate.” He says, looking so serious that you can’t figure if he’s bullshitting you.
You lean on your elbow so you can look down properly at him, saying, “That’s not even plausible. Since when was Cosmo reliable to you? That’s ridiculous. We literally have four hundred different types of olfactory receptors which help us perceive various smells – I mean, unless you’ve damaged them somehow, or there’s a disruption in your signal transduction, or you’re anosmic – which I know you’re not – then I don’t think that’s true.” 
Jungkook laughs and you can’t help but frown. 
“It made sense, okay? If you ignore the science stuff.”
“You’re a doctor.” You quickly counter.
He rolls his eyes. “I mean, for the record, I believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life, so that’s that.”
“Ugh,” you flop down on the bed again, falling back on Jungkook’s body. He scoots closer to hold you close against him, which you welcome casually. You don’t even know how you got this comfortable, but you’re glad either way. He feels so big and warm. “Are you going to show me that Youtube video of top ten UFO sightings around the world again?” 
“You don’t think that Nebraska one looked very real?” Jungkook says with disbelief.
“No,” you turn to Jungkook only to find him already looking at you. “They were college boys, Jungkook. They probably just turned nineteen or something. Have you seen their eyes in the video? It was pixelated as hell, but if I were that high—”
Jungkook suddenly snorts, effectively cutting you off. “Ohh, if you were that high?”
You jab at his chest which only makes him laugh louder. 
“I tried my first weed with you.” You pout.
Jungkook catches the stray hair that falls from behind your ear and hides it back there again as he says, “You coughed nonstop and had a sore-throat the next day. You have baby lungs.” 
You roll your eyes and go back to lying on his arm. “Whatever. All of that still doesn’t justify that we’re not soulmates.” 
“The concept of soulmates doesn’t even have a scientific explanation.” Jungkook chuckles. 
“No…? But there's psychological research about it; the attachment theory, look it up.” 
“There’s also cognitive dissonance.” Jungkook pitches in. 
“That’s so mean!” You gasp, but you know Jungkook’s only teasing when you see that he’s got that huge stupid grin on his face.
He apologizes in between his laughter, squeezing your waist a bit before he says, “Okay, okay. But what if you’re my soulmate, but I’m not yours?” 
“That’s not how soulmate-ism works. Isn’t it nice to think that there’s like a system to it? Like if you’re my soulmate, then that would automatically make me your soulmate. It doesn’t make sense otherwise.” Your eyebrows knit together as you explain.
“I guess you’re right…” Then you hear him letting out a loud sigh. “For what it's worth, I think I’d be really happy if I was your soulmate.”
You smile against his pec after he says the words. 
You like Jeon Jungkook. You like him so much it’s starting to feel unbearable.
There’s silence that hangs in the air for some time before you look up at Jungkook alarmingly. “Kook.” He doesn’t say anything. You lean on your elbow again to peer down at him, only to see that he’s now closed his eyes. “Jungkook.” 
Finally, he stirs. But his eyes are still closed. “Hm?”
“Don’t sleep yet.” 
“Uh-huh.” He gives your waist a brief squeeze again.
“I’m watching you.” 
He chuckles. “What is it?” 
“Let’s talk more.” 
“How are you still not sleepy?” 
“Because…” you drop your head down to his chest this time. “I want to know if you could ever —” you shrug, staring at his ceiling. “—cannibalize someone.”
“I like this. Conversation’s getting raunchy,” You hear him snorting through his breath. “Is this your pillowtalk?” 
“Yes.” 
“In that case, that’s an interesting question. I have never really thought about that.”  
“Really? Never?” 
“I’ve never been in any situation where I had to think about that, thank god.”
You laugh together. “Okay, but if you really had to, would you?” 
“I don’t know… I’m a huge germaphobe, you know that. But I guess humans inherently have indomitable spirits and that conditions us to do whatever it takes to ensure our survival under extreme conditions. I don’t think I’m beyond that.”   
You nod against his chest. Mindlessly, you start tracing random lines over his shirt, and you wait for Jungkook to pry your hand off or say something to stop you or ask you what you’re doing, but he doesn’t really say anything. 
“It’s fascinating, right? The way we can just alter our brains and mindsets when we’re put under certain conditions. It’s amazing and weird at the same time how we work psychologically.” 
“Exactly.” You feel Jungkook nodding. 
“This is– of course this is not an extreme condition where I have to cannibalize someone,” you chuckle, which earns the same thing from Jungkook. You continue, “but you know when you’re experiencing a heartbreak and you think it’s the end of the world but then you wake up one day and suddenly you’re fine? 
When Jungkook turns quiet, you know you’ve touched on a subject that feels personal. 
You sigh. “I broke up with Mingyu awhile ago.” 
“Oh.”
You hum. “Yeah… like a month ago?”
“Ah. I had a hunch.”
“But you didn’t ask,” you smile. “Well, anyway I just want you to know.” 
Silence.
Then, “Do you feel… do you feel sad about it?” 
“That’s what’s weird,” you say. “Because I don’t necessarily feel sad about the break-up, or the relationship. But it’s more like – the thought of breaking up with somebody again.” You chuckle, but there’s no humor to it. “I feel like you can only take so many break-ups in your life before you completely give up on love, you know? And it’s like… I don’t even get it… I mean, I’m decent, aren’t I? I can hold up a conversation, I make sense, I have a good job, and I don’t look bad – although, maybe that’s what’s wrong all along?” You swallow the lump in your throat. “Am I ugly?” 
“Hey,” Jungkook calls, and you feel him rising from his lying position just as you feel tears slowly streaming down your face. 
You scold yourself for it – because what the hell even is this about? Just earlier you were talking about cannibalism and now you’re tearing up. Your emotions are all over the place, and it doesn’t help that Jungkook’s quick to dote on you, guiding your back as you both sit on the bed instead.
You inhale a sharp breath. “Look at me, I’m a mess,” you look at him through blurry eyes, hoping to look apologetic at the very least for barging in his room at fuckass o’clock and disturbing his packing and not noticing that he’s been in love with you for the past eight years. God, you want to say sorry for a lot of things. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying, it’s not that deep.” 
“If it’s bothering you then it’s a big deal. And I’m looking right at you,” Jungkook wraps an arm around your shoulders as he looks you in the eyes. “I’m looking at you and you’re beautiful, you’re intelligent, and you’re the funniest person on Earth I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I’m so glad I met you.” 
“Well… do you still feel that way when I only ever seem to come to you when I wanna vent or cry?” You ask, attempting to joke, but your voice breaks at the end.
It cracks a smile on Jungkook’s face though. “That’s not true at all. You also come to annoy me.” 
Your laughter turns into a sob and that’s when Jungkook wraps an arm around your shoulder to pull you close to his side, letting your head fall to his bicep and resting his chin on top of yours. It’s a barely-there gesture, but you’re pretty sure you feel him kiss the crown of your head. 
“I know… I know we still have a lot to talk about, __. That we’re glossing over the important things. But I want to say sorry. I never said sorry about what happened back at the resort. For Mingyu. For doing what we did. I never said sorry about bombarding you with all those things and for taking so long to talk to you just because I was scared. But right now, I’m saying sorry. I have been completely unfair to you all this time.” 
You quickly get out of his hold to look up at him. “No, you—” 
“Just…” Jungkook cuts you off. “Just let me, okay? I know you’re gonna say none if it was my fault but you’re right about what you said. You’re right about doubting my feelings for you.” 
“Jungkook…”
He nods. “I was in denial for the most part about my feelings for you. Ever since that thing happened with Jiyeon in college, I found it hard to trust somebody again. I slept around in my last year of college because it made me feel good about myself, made me think I was desirable and that someone cheating on me doesn’t mean shit when I had all those women who willingly slept with me. I was like that during my first year in med school, too. Couldn't really get serious with somebody because – because what if they do the same thing again?” Jungkook smiles bitterly. “And then… I met you. It started out as a crush and I was so sure it wasn’t going to be more than that, but then, we were in almost the same classes and we became friends,” Jungkook looks at you fondly and you almost melt in his arms. “And then I found myself liking you, and then I fell hard – really fucking hard,” he chuckles to himself. “It was during spring break of second year when I realized I was fucked and that I was in love with my best friend.” 
“S-spring break?” You whisper, not sure what he meant. 
“You don’t remember it?” Jungkook asks. He looks over your face and suddenly he’s caressing your cheek with his fingers. He swipes his thumb over it, wiping a stray tear away. He smiles before he says, “I caught the flu that time. I called you, but you were over at your parents. Then the next day I woke up and you were at my place telling me to take care of my health because how can I study medicine when my immune system is shit.”
“Oh, that…” you trail off. Suddenly, the fragments of that time become clear to you. The flu wasn’t that bad, only took him three days to fully recover.
“Yeah. But then that was also the time when you told me Eunwoo asked you to be his girlfriend and that you said yes.” 
You inhale a shaky breath.
“I– I tried to forget about my feelings, because I didn’t want to harbor all those feelings for you when you already had a boyfriend. I went to all those dates in the hopes that I could feel something from someone. I tried to date Sora. It was good. It was a good partnership. But then… Eunwoo proposed, and I don’t know – I guess I deluded myself so bad that I have fully moved on from you since then – but then I was faced with the reality that you were going to spend your life with somebody else and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I was so bad at handling my emotions. So stupid. Sora broke up with me because she figured I love you.” 
You stare at him with your mouth agape. You would've never guessed why they broke up. You always thought they were so perfect for each other… 
“And yeah, the break-up with Eunwoo happened and it took you two years to heal. I didn’t want to make a move because I simply didn’t want to be that kind of guy who takes advantage of a woman’s vulnerability after a break-up, you know? And we moved in together two years ago and…” You wait as he trails off. “I guess I just got comfortable with our set-up.” 
“How do you mean?”
“It was like, everything I imagined us to be. Living together, sharing everything together. I thought no one could take that away from me, even if I didn’t ask you out. I’m not telling you to believe it, but I wasn’t with a lot of women for the past two years… yeah, sure, I dated them very briefly, but it was out of genuine attempt to find somebody for myself because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by confessing. Being your best friend was and still is more important to me than being your boyfriend. I couldn’t care less how I can have you; I want you in any way – and if that meant being your platonic friend the rest of our time, then I was that. I am that. Even now.”
You can’t find your words. You’ve imagined your talk countless times in your head, but they all fell short to give you a taste of what the real thing would be like. 
“So… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for keeping my feelings for nearly eight years. I’m sorry I kept something important to you about Mingyu. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. Just… I apologize. I feel like I broke your trust.” 
It’s quiet for a while before you break the silence.
“Jungkook,” You call him. He meets your gaze. It’s soft and it’s sweet and you realize he’s always looked at you like that. How could you have not noticed? “You’re very important to me.” 
“I’m glad.” He smiles. A small one that makes him look all boyish. The urge to keep him in your pocket even though he’s much bigger than you becomes huge.
“And I want you in any way, too.” You say, staring intently at him. 
You watch as Jungkook stares back at you. There’s an agonizing stretch of seconds when you see his eyes darting down from your eyes to your lips, and you don’t mean to bite the bottom one, suddenly feeling the thick tension rising in the air.
“Can I hug you?” You swallow the lump in your throat. 
“I would really love that.” 
You don’t know how it happens, but the last thing you see is Jungkook’s wall clock pointing to 3:15 am before you let your eyes rest.
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this chapter is not over yet! tumblr has a 1k paragraph/block limit in a single post and so i can't put the whole thing in this. please look thru the reblogs to read the last scene of the chapter and the EPILOGUE or click on this [ link ]
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johanna-swann · 13 hours ago
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I actually have sooo many issues with 911 lately that haven't even got much to do with any ships.
Like. They wrote out almost all of the side characters. Chris is gone, Linda and Sue are gone, Athena's kids are gone (even though Harry just moved in with her and Bobby again? Seriously, where is Harry?), Ravi is gone, Carla is gone. I know the GA maybe don't care that much, casual viewers might not even have noticed that this many characters have just vanished from the show, but in my opinion this is one of the things that give a show running as long as 911 life. Having a big cast is a good thing. Otherwise things are going to get very monotonous very soon.
Actually, that's my second point. They keep repeating storylines! Every season Hen and Karen have to fight a custody battle over one of their kids.
Every season Eddie ends up realising he has a lot of repressed trauma and issues which keep him from leading a healthy happy and free life.
Every season Bathena realise that they have communication issues and they fight about it, but then something traumatic happens and they forgive each other without ever really talking things out.
Every season we are reminded that Maddie's most prominent character trait is "traumatised", the writers just alternatingly bring up Doug again and sometimes the ppd arc.
Every season we see Buck being somewhat restless, looking and searching for something that will bring him true happiness and cycling through love interests that never stick around and each time when you think "oh, there it is, he's getting somewhere now" the writers go "BEEEP! WRONG!" and we start all over again. [This is not just about recent events aka Tommy, the break-up and Buck potentially going back to his 1.0 ways, this also happened in season 6 when he had his "it doesn't matter what other people see in me, I'm enough" revelation only to suddenly be like "omg, Natalia just sees me".]
And Chimney- he had his moment last season with the wedding episode, Kenneth Choi really ate that episode up, but his most prominent character trait is "Maddie's supportive husband". There's really not that much going on with him otherwise.
Another point I briefly touched upon above is consistency. Like Harry moving back in with Athena and Bobby and then just vanishing. Or Gerrard being more like a slightly unfriendly grandpa than an actual antagonist in season 8 when he was still spouting slurs in season 7.
And the timeline! We talked about this before ("last March", Mara's fostering to adoption timeline, Tommy tranferring to harbour "5 years ago"), but the newest "Tommy was actually Abby's Tommy" twist just adds to that. Tommy was with Abby for over 2 years. They were engaged. This was at a time when he was still at the 118. Tommy dated Abby presumably because he was in denial or maybe because he was hiding. In either case, wouldn't his team at least have heard about his fiancée, Abby the dispatcher? Wouldn't that have rung a bell when Buck eventually brought her around only a year or two later? Tommy did talk about his private life at least a little at work, even under Gerrard. It just doesn't make sense. (Not to mention this seems wildly out of character for Tommy who around the same time also said about himself "being single is easier".)
Then there's the pacing. This was a huge issue in season 7. They jumped from one personal soap opera drama to the next without taking any breathers, had almost no procedural in their drama the whole season, still somehow decided to spend one third of the entire season just on the opening disaster and also squeezed in a "Bobby begins for the third time now" episode. But okay, it was a shortened season, there were strikes, they switched networks, they were under a lot of pressure - I'll cut them some slack. At least they set up a bunch of interesting stuff for the following season.
But we're in season 8 now. The renewal was announced very early, they had a lot of time to plan this time. Also they have almost double the episodes they had last season, there's really no need to rush any of the major plots. I am done cutting them slack.
They wanna do a 3 part opening disaster again? Okay fine, you have the time now. I feel like they could've easily done it in 2 episodes (especially 8x02 felt a little "eh"), but okay. Better than the breakneck speed you were going at befo- Oh, what's that? 8x04 flying in with a steel chair. You resolved 70% percent of the plots you set up last season in one single episode with no build up, no emotional pay off and no lasting consequences? And you also squeezed in multiple unrelated calls at the same time? Damn, okay then. Good-bye potentially interesting storylines. Fuck me for being invested I guess. I thought there would at least maybe be some follow up in 8x05, but no.
Now that Halloween episode wasn't bad, it was actually the best episode of this season imo, but instead of following up on previously established conflicts and developments they just hit us with new Wilson family trauma and conflict that was also immediately fixed again. And now 8x06 has speedrun and dumped another storyline that had potential to go to deeper and interesting places. Not gonna talk too much about that though because this post is about the show as a whole, not ships.
And I am not yet convinced that there will be much more to come on the only thing that's left from last season: Eddie's deep dive into his trauma and repression. It's totally possible at this point that being told "you deserve nice things" by a random stranger actually solved all of his problems, it would be very in tone with 911's new style.
What are they even gonna do with the rest of this season? Revisiting the Hotshots set sounds fun, but ultimately inconsequential. You know what's great about a regular old procedural drama with ~20 episodes per season that comes on weekly? You have time. You can let the viewers sit with their emotions and thoughts for a week and keep them engaged by stretching things out a little.
But why should I bother getting emotionally invested in problems the characters are gonna solve within the same episode anyway? Or rather, even if I wanted to, how am I supposed to care if you don't give me the time to develop any feelings about anything that's happening? "Henren lost in court and are now completely forbidden from seeing Mara at all!" Damn, that must be so har- "JUST KIDDING! Ortiz is exposed and everything is perfect again now." Oh. Okay then, I guess.
Bottom line: The characters are all stuck in their own hamster wheels, they keep cutting side characters that could bring a breeze of fresh air (I'm honestly surprised they even kept Josh until now), they rush through all the storylines a such a ridiculous speed that I don't even have time to feel any sort of way about it, they don't even try to keep a consistency or sensible timeline going and they seem to strongly prioritise random funny bits that'll entertain the very casual viewers right now in this moment (tiger call, Billy Boils, Bee-nado, the 'Stache tm, "wait, it's the same Abby?", Gerrard being a fangirl at heart) instead of playing the long game and catering to people who actually pay a little attention to the show.
[On that last remark: I'm not talking about hardcore fans who analyse every single frame here, I mean casual fans who've watched the show on and off again for a while and who may not be involved in fandom but genuinely care about the show.]
I mean. What am I even still doing here? The show is treading water and I end up disappointed more often than not. I'm still holding out a little hope that they actually will do something interesting with Eddie and his sea-monkeys, but I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't.
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loulovingho · 2 days ago
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Fell asleep then woke back up still pissed, because:
Tim was clear when he decided on bi buck, Tommy was chosen on purpose. Someone who fit in with the team already and could fit in Buck’s life. It solved the outsider problem.
They wrote Chimney talking about how cool he was, made him and Eddie friends, had Eddie invite him to a virtual bday party, had Bobby give a huge stamp of approval saying Tommy was good for Buck, that he was good people. Made a big deal of the wedding/coming out scene.
They could have made this an off screen breakup at the beginning of season 8. Honestly, I would have accepted it better. But they brought Tommy back, showed again how he fit with Buck’s world. Showed there was no hostility between him and Eddie. They showed Tommy going above and beyond for Buck, sleeping on a couch with too small of a blanket, doting on him, staring at him with so much love, “breaking the curse,” etc.
I don’t buy Tommy’s lame excuse for breaking it off. That’s such crappy, high school writing. This man is 40 fucking years old, he’s six months into this relationship, and I’m supposed to believe he just suddenly decides he and Buck aren’t made to last? That Buck needs other partners? Please!
It also pisses me off that they had him get Buck basketball game tickets for their anniversary. He has got to know by now that Buck doesn’t actually like basketball. And why even have Abby be part of it at all? That was all part of the red string of fate theory, so it felt like an extra slap in the face to include it in their breakup.
The whole thing was so poorly executed, and it seems wrong that they had Oliver and Lou do a whole ass interview at the end of 7 to just… go nowhere in 8. Then have Lou do two exit interviews when he’s not a main anyway, so it feels worse to actually hear from him (especially when he seems as genuinely confused as we do).
They should have had it be some random guy. They shouldn’t have made the effort to include Tommy as much as they did. They shouldn’t have mentioned wanting bucktommy to be like tarlos. Shouldn’t have mentioned getting Buck off his hamster wheel. They gave fucking Taylor more time than this, and she spent the majority of her screen time using Buck to further her career.
And someone, somewhere down the line could have made a statement to stop fucking harassing Lou, seeing as they’ve known for at least a few months that he was no “threat” to anyone or anything.
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whatswrongwithblue · 17 hours ago
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As a queer woman in a red state, I needed to see this today. I still love my state. This is my home. Where I was raised, where I went to school, where my wife and I were married, where I work, where we bought our house, where we started our little farm, where my baby will be born, where my friends are. Where my entire communkty and safety net is. I'm so happy here. I love my life here.
Please stop saying "fuck red states."
My dad is one of the most die hard Republicans I know. He voted for Trump and yes, it breaks my heart. It makes me sick and at time makes me feel unloved. And I have to remember this is the man who basically took a bow of silence about me coming out for the first year. THAT man cried happy tears and gave the most moving speech at my wedding. He adores my wife and calls her is daughter now. THAT man's beliefs have changed in what for him is a hugely significant way. It's not enough YET but he reminds me that a lot of people who voted for Trump DO care, they just don't get it. Unfortunately we'll all learn the hard way now but it also means there are allies within the enemy, they just don't know it yet.
Please stop saying "fuck red states."
My in-laws have been so die hard Republican their entire lives and voted for Harris this year. Willing to get into loud family arguments and strain family relations over it. It's a change I had given up hoping to see and yet, it finally happened this year.
Please stop saying "fuck red states."
My tiny town is largely made up of migrant workers. Every business here is bilingual. Including the grocery stores, post office, and city hall. This town wouldn't exist without migrant workers. No one knows more about how much our farming communities NEED migrant workers more than the tiny farm towns in red states. I promise you, in my state, it's the Republicans in the cities here that are pushing for mass deportation, not the farmers.
Please stop saying "fuck red states."
I voted for one republican this year. Yep. An Asian American woman who grew up on a potato farm, married into the family of another potato farmer, ran on a campaign to halt rent inflation, allocate more state funding to education and foster care, and supported controversial decisions in the past to protect the environment. She was an incumbent and she won. She's playing the long game of knowing which party she can win running under in her home state and she's making a damn big difference in her little district.
Please stop saying "fuck red states."
There are young queer closeted kids here. I was one of them. I was voting and protesting for gay rights before there were any and I'll fucking do it again if I have to. Because over 1/4 people here DID vote for Harris and every single one of us have to stay and fight and be visible for the next generation of scared closeted queer kids because if we all left for blue states, who would be left to fight for them?
Please stop saying "fuck you" to the people I love and the home I've built. The future I see slowly building here can still happen. I still have hope. But if those fighting the good fight in red states give up now, if they say too say "fuck red states," then we really will have lost that future.
I love you everyone in red states right now.
I love you everyone who has family that is/will celebrate a Trump victory in your state.
I love you everyone surrounded by loved ones actively voting against your rights.
If you voted, you for Kamala, you did everything you could and you should be proud.
All of your frustration and anger is justified, understandable, and fair.
I’m sending you all love and peace.
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ham1lton · 2 days ago
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oo for the lovesick!lando mini smau prompts what about him commenting wedding vows or something sexual on just about every post that contains yn even if its not something he posted , like hamlintomshaderoom posts yn crossing the street and hes practically proposing in comments
author’s note: hi!! so this is in the toxic!y/n and lovesick!lando universe so this is my warning that it isn’t a healthy relationship. this is an au and if toxic fictional relationships are not for you, please don’t read! this is a joke au <3
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liked by landonorris, land0.mov, lando.jpg and 1,928,091 others.
ham1ltonshaderoom: musician yn yln seen in the streets of manhattan as she does some shopping in the city. she was surrounded by fans before being escorted away to safety by security. this is her first appearance since the release of her controversial self-titled hit album. thoughts?
view all 287,928 comments
user1: HERE BEFORE LANDO 😁
landonorris: LOVE IT
landonorris: GORGEOUS
landonorris: SHOW STOPPING
landonorris: SALIVATING !!! ONLY SHE CAN DO THAT
landonorris: SHE’S SOOOOOOO 😻😻😻😻😻
landonorris: WEDDING NOW!!!! 💍
-> ham1ltonshaderoom: stop camping out in our comments. we will block you.
user2: the way he literally is obsessed with yn
-> user3: like bro MOVE!!!! we’re obsessed with yn too 😭
-> user4: it’d be cute if it wasn’t cringe
user5: lando norris please can you not text her this
-> landonorris: she blocked me
-> landonorris: temporary setback
-> landonorris: still together!!!
-> user6: need to be as delusional as you. need to get on whatever you’re on rn 😭😭
user7: lando still being whipped after the release of P4THETIC! is insane!!!!!!
-> user8: like she wrote a number one song about how much of a loser you are and you’re still simping 😭 need her badly. i just know she’d change my life.
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Original Post:
r/AmItheAsshole
Posted by u/p4throwaway1234
AITA for not breaking up with my girlfriend after she wrote a song about how pathetic I am?
okay so, throwaway because this is kind of embarrassing. my (24M) girlfriend (23F) is a singer-songwriter, and recently she released a song. it’s super catchy and doing really well, but it’s… definitely about me. she doesn’t say my name, but the lyrics are about how she’s dating this “pathetic, lovesick fool” who “worships the ground she walks on” and “thinks he’s a prince when he’s really just a jester.”
here’s the thing: i honestly didn’t care 🤷. i know i’m kind of obsessed with her, and yeah, i get clingy sometimes. it’s a joke between us, and i thought that was her way of being playful. i even posted the song on my socials when it dropped because i was proud of her.
but my friends are all saying it’s humiliating and disrespectful, and i should break up with her. now she’s upset because she found out they’ve been telling me this, and she blocked me on everything. i just want to know if i’m the asshole for not immediately dumping her like my friends think i should.
Top Comments:
[deleted]:
“A lovesick fool who worships the ground she walks on”? Bro, she doesn’t respect you. YTA for staying with someone who thinks you’re pathetic.
u/relationshipguru420:
bro, read your own post. she wrote a whole song called about YOU being PATHETIC. and you’re still simping? get a grip.
u/toomuchdrama69:
INFO: Is she still blocked? Because if she wrote a whole diss track about you and blocked you, I think the relationship is over.
u/throwawaydetective:
Wait… is this about who I think it is? If it is, there’s no way this guy doesn’t know.
u/relationshipwreckage:
Dude, she literally called you a jester. It’s giving clown.
u/sadboiforlife:
yta. if my gf wrote a song like that and then got mad when ppl told me to leave her, i’d be out. respect yourself, my guy.
u/wedoresearch:
sounds like she’s making money off your humiliation. yta for staying in a toxic relationship.
OP’s Update:
(two days later)
u/p4throwaway1234
UPDATE: we talked it out and we’re back together. 😊
so after all the drama, we talked and sorted things out. she said she didn’t mean to hurt me with the song—it’s just her way of expressing herself. and honestly? i get it. i love her creativity, even if it’s at my expense sometimes. i told her i’m not listening to my friends anymore, and we’re stronger than ever now. thanks for the advice, everyone! 😁
Comments on the Update:
u/relationshipwreckage:
WHAT?
u/toomuchdrama69:
bro.
u/wedoresearch:
this has to be satire.
u/sadboiforlife:
you have got to be kidding me.
OP’s Replies:
u/p4throwaway1234:
nah, we’re solid. it was all a misunderstanding. she didn’t mean it in a bad way, and we laughed about it.
u/sadboiforlife:
she BLOCKED you.
u/p4throwaway1234:
yeah, but it was just temporary. we’re good now. everyone fights sometimes!!
u/relationshipwreckage:
she made a song calling you pathetic and somehow that’s okay?
u/p4throwaway1234:
it’s art. she’s passionate. i’m her muse.
u/yikesmcgee:
😭 i can’t. you deserve better, king.
u/throwaway1234:
yes and she’s the best. ❤️
u/toomuchdrama69:
no, bro, you’re delusional.
u/p4throwaway1234:
nah, just in love. 💕
u/wedoresearch:
can’t wait for the next song called ST1LL P4THETIC.
u/p4throwaway1234:
and i’d stream it.
u/relationshipwreckage:
you can’t save him.
u/sadboiforlife:
fr. he’s too far gone.
────── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ──────
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freeabortionslol · 1 day ago
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baby fever (luke hughes x gf!reader)
summary: short blurb where the reader has baby fever and asks luke to have a kid
warnings! none
a/n: currently working on a long luke fic but wanted to post smth and this just came to my brain
wc: 0.5k
You were lying in bed with your boyfriend, Luke, after a long roadie. You had your head on his chest, your whole body wrapped around his as he gently stroked your back. You were holding onto him for dear life like you were afraid he would leave again if you let go. The spark in his eye when you looked up at him however, told you he was here to stay. The tv was playing in the background, some sitcom the two of you had been watching, but you were both focused on your phone. You were scrolling through tiktok, his eyes on your screen. Luke loved when you would do this because your for you page was filled with edits of himself, and he would never admit it but he loved them. You had just scrolled past a movie clip, landing on a video of a dad trying to teach his baby to say ‘I love you’ with the mother behind the camera. Your heart beamed watching the small child babble and stutter until she found the words. Her laugh when her dad picked her up and spun her around was enough to make you melt. You pouted your lips at the screen affectionately before moving yourself to prop up in front of Luke, your hands on either side of his torso.
“Can we have one?” You pouted and gave him the puppy eyes as he stroked the back of your head gently. His eyes widened with a mix of shock and fear in an instant.
“One what?” He asked, tilting his head and smiling.
“One of these.” You held your phone up to his face, biting your lip in anticipation.
“I- no.” He shook his head, holding a small smile. 
“Please?” You pleaded, frowning as you placed your phone down, gripping the fabric of his shirt.
“No.” He laughed out at your attempts to persuade him.
“Why?” You groaned out, throwing your head back in playful frustration. Luke only chuckled, pulling your head back up to face him.
“Because,” He grabbed your left wrist and held it up, pointing to your ring finger. “I gotta put a ring on it first.” You smiled softly at him, sending a race of butterflies to his stomach. 
“What? You don’t want a shotgun wedding?” You giggled, moving your face closer to his.
“No, not particularly.” He grinned, following your motion to move in closer.
“Well whens,” You held up your wrist which still had Luke’s grasp around it, pointing to your ring finger again. “This gonna happen?” Luke smiled, intertwining his fingers with yours to pull you closer until your lips were ghosting.
“Soon, baby. Real soon.” His voice just above a whisper as he pulled you in for a soft kiss, gently biting your bottom lip. 
“Promise?” You whispered, barely moving away from his lips.
“I promise.” He placed a gentle kiss on your nose before pulling you back into his hold, lying down. “I love you.”
“Love you too, Lukey.” You mumbled into his chest, slowly feeling yourself drift off to sleep.
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 2 days ago
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Death Wish 9
Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of crime, violence/abuse and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
Character: mob!Bucky Barnes
Part of the mob drabbles au
Summary: you’re desperate for a way out of your life and you ask a powerful man for help (plus!reader)
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️
Photo Inspo
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The doorbell buzzes. You loathe that noise. You stay as you are, unbothered by the visitor. You already hear Kitty asking Adrienne who it could be. 
You continue to shuffle through the contents of the cigar box. You’re neither surprised or disgusted by the love letters. You know your mother’s writing and you know it isn’t here. You always assumed your father was rotten to the core. No, you were certain of it. The proof only makes you feel worse for your mother. 
The door opens. There’s voices. Soft tones. Kitty’s, Adrienne’s and... his. 
Then, footfalls that ascend the stairs. Too heavy to be your sisters’. You close the box and toss it in the black bag. There is not box to keep. All your father’s stuff needs to go. You have no use for it. 
“You know I’m here,” Barnes says as he appears in the doorway. 
“I do,” you take the old baseball your father made you catch as a girl. He was always disappointed he never had a son. It makes you want to smile knowing he never got the thing he wanted the most. 
“You’ve had your time to mourn,” he says, and nothing else. His meaning is clear. 
You drop the ball and get off the floor. You cross to him with your head down. He’s stoic and still. You reach for his hand. That makes him flinch. As if he’s surprised. He lets you lift it and you kiss the ring on his pinky. 
You let him go and look him in the face, “he’s gone. It’s over. Let’s move on.” 
His brow arches and his eyes narrow. “You understand what happens now?” 
“You take care of my sisters. That’s all that matters to me.” 
“All about family,” he remarks. “Well, real family.” 
You’re silent. You don’t know what he wants you to say. Your heart is in your throat, can’t he see it beating there, choking you. 
“I showed you my loyalty. I did that and I will never tell a soul.” 
“Oh, I know, doll,” he smirks and shifts his weight. It’s your turn to wince as he brushes his knuckles along your cheek. “I don’t just want that loyalty for one night.” 
You blink and fight not to let your fear show. It’s all so uncertain yet deep down you know exactly what he means. It just seems all too much. 
“Sit down,” he drops his hand and turns. He shuts the door. 
You avoid your father’s bed and instead, sit at the vanity where your mother would perch and apply her night cream. He paces and puts his hands in his pockets. He exhales and measures the air. 
“It’s sorted. Everyone knows what happened. Vengeance is taken, the tables are balanced,” he says. “So we move forward. Your sisters are protected. They will have roofs over their head. You will too.” 
You stare at him, waiting for the other shoe. 
“Doll,” he tilts his head, “why are you looking at me like that?” 
“Just say it,” you sniff. 
“Say what?” 
“Tell me what it costs,” you sneer. 
He snickers, “that’s what I admire about you. You don’t beat around the bush. You come to my office, tell me to off daddy. You won’t even let me charm ya, dammit. You just wanna get down to business.” 
“Please,” you beg. “I... I can’t take any more.” 
His expression softens and he approaches you delicately, like an animal he doesn’t want to scare off, “we’re gonna have a big wedding, doll. You’re gonna wear the most expensive thing you can find, and we’re gonna drive off into the sunset together.” 
You gulp and search his face. It sounds ridiculous. You don’t know this man, he doesn’t know you. Yet, he’s the only man who knows what you did. Who know that you could do something like that. 
“Ah, come on, I’m a real man,” he unbuttons his jacket and reaches inside. “I’m more than words.” He takes out a hexagonal velvet box. “So, let me know if it fits.” 
You hesitate but accept the box. You open it with some effort, the hinges are tight. You snap the lid up and stare at the ring within. It has a large teardrop diamond at the center and four decent sized ovals to each side, with little round diamonds worked in between. The gold gleams with the elaborate style of the thick band. 
You slide it out and turn it in your fingers. It has to be worth more than all the stuff your daddy pawned off. More than even this house. You roll it over again and line up your finger with the band. You push into it and it fits snugly below your knuckle, covering half your finger. 
“Too big,” you say. 
“Loose?” He wonders as he leans a hand on the vanity table. 
“No, it’s... clunky,” you wiggle your hand. 
“Never thought I’d hear a woman complain a rock was too big,” he says. “Doll, I expect you to show off. You’re mine, I’m yours. That’s something to brag about.” 
“Flashy. Distracting,” you comment. 
“Any man stupid enough to try to steal that off ya, he won’t be thinking much longer,” he insists and grabs your hand. “Come here.” 
He tugs you until your standing. He admires the ring on your finger and his cheeks dimple as he grins. He puts your hand on his shoulder and wraps his other arm around you. Sweat beads across your scalp and down your back. He’s so close you can smell his mellow cologne. 
“Always good to have more to love, isn’t it?” his fingers curl into the cushion of your hip as he crushes you against him. He brings his palm up to cradle your face as his eyes drift down to your lips. He purrs and rocks you.  
You shudder as your breath catches in your chest. The idea never fully bloomed in your head. You never dared to imagine this. Yet here it and it’s more startling than anything you could ever fathom. 
He turns his hand to frame your chin and pulls you even closer. He leans in and presses his mouth to yours. His beard tickles you as his lips caress yours and his tongue pokes out coyly. You close your eyes as you open up to let him in. 
Your heart thrums behind your ears as you seal your deal with that kiss. You didn’t barter for your freedom, just another master. 
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edenfenixblogs · 3 hours ago
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WRITE IN YOUR COOKBOOKS.
One day, your loved ones will see your notes in the margins and your scribbled additions and feel you there with them.
My grandma is currently dying and recently gave me her oldest cookbook held together with like 6 rubber bands because she used it for so long and wrote in it so much.
Food and recipes, more than maybe any other tangible item, are ways we live on for centuries, and ways we can tell people we love them long after our mouths and minds lose that ability.
If you don’t have a recipe book of your own and don’t trust yourself with one, get a big box and write stuff down (or print, cut, and glue the info) into index cards. You can organize them alphabetically or according to your own system or not at all!! But at least everything will be the same size and easy to sort.
When my sister got married, for her wedding shower all the guests wrote down a recipe on the front of an index card and a piece of life advice on the back.
I gave my sister a recipe for cheddar and hatch green chile cornbread and told her to make sure she’s in photos as much as she takes photos so she remembers enjoying her life and not just watching it.
Her mom organized all the recipes into a box for her.
Also: JUST PRINT IT OUT. Put it in a binder or whatever. You might have time to organize it later or you might not. Fine. Just have it somewhere.
We even have one family recipe engraved on a charcuterie board so we never lose it.
Finally: back it up to a cloud. Scan the recipes. Save them to a document folder. Copy and paste them all into a digital notebook. Whatever. Just…Have a backup in case of flood or fire.
You should be starting a recipe book. I don't give a shit if you're only 20-years-old. The modern web is rotting away bit by bit before our very eyes. You have no idea when that indie mom blog is going down or when Pinterest will remove that recipe. Copy it down in a notebook, physically or digitally. Save it somewhere only you can remove it. Trust me, looking for a recipe only to find out it's been wiped off the internet is so fucking sad. I've learned my lesson one too many times.
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caitified · 1 day ago
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imagine caitlin and reader are dating but reader becomes pregnant so caitlin has to hide it from the public and her teammates
hidden
caitlin clark x reader
warnings:ivf, pregnancy kind of added stuff to this hope that’s okay
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you and caitlin met in college, back when she was just starting to make a name for herself on the court. you were drawn to her right away—not just her talent, which was undeniable, but the way she seemed to light up every room she walked into. back then, she was this whirlwind of energy and determination, a bit rough around the edges but with a heart so big you couldn’t help but fall for her. it started as friendship, with late-night study sessions, endless coffee runs, and cheering her on at every game, but before long, it turned into something much deeper.
over time, you two became inseparable, and when she asked you to marry her just before her first WNBA season, there wasn’t a doubt in your mind. the wedding was intimate, just close friends and family gathered to celebrate the love you’d built. you were overjoyed, and you could tell caitlin was too, her usual confident self was almost shy as she slipped the ring onto your finger. after years of building your lives together, finally calling her your wife felt surreal and perfect.
with caitlin’s career taking off, you both tried to keep things private, cherishing the little moments you could steal away from the public eye. being married to someone in the spotlight isn’t always easy, and you found yourself fielding questions, navigating rumors, and learning to protect the sacred parts of your life together. while everyone knew you as “caitlin clark’s wife,” you were determined to hold on to as much of your privacy as you could. you were her biggest supporter, always cheering her on from the stands, but beyond that, you stayed in the background, happy just to be by her side.
when you both started talking about starting a family, it was another big step. caitlin was ecstatic, talking nonstop about what it would be like to raise a little one together, already imagining teaching them to shoot hoops in the driveway. IVF wasn’t an easy road, and there were times when the journey tested both of you. caitlin would stay up late, holding your hand, whispering words of encouragement, even after long days of practice and games. when the news finally came—when the test turned positive—neither of you could believe it. you sat there in the quiet of your home, holding each other, realizing that your dream of a family was actually coming true.
you wanted to keep it private, though, at least for a little while. this was something special, something just for the two of you, away from the cameras and the questions. every time you went out, you found yourself slipping into baggier clothes, avoiding certain angles, anything to keep the world from guessing. caitlin would grin at your little attempts, her eyes full of affection, and you’d just laugh, knowing that for now, it was your secret.
a couple of months later, you and caitlin head back to iowa for a special occasion—she’s finally receiving her final four ring, a long-awaited moment to celebrate with her old teammates and friends. there’s this buzz in the air as you both step onto campus, flooded with memories of those early days together. gabbie, kate, and jada are all there, ready to relive the glory days. it feels like a homecoming, filled with laughter and nostalgia, and though you’re still a bit tired from the trip, you’re determined to keep the news to yourselves.
at the ceremony, she catches your eye in the crowd, flashing you a small, private smile that makes your heart flip, and in that moment, you’re both transported back to those early days. afterwards, you’re all gathered in a small cafe on campus, reminiscing over coffee, trying to soak in every minute with the people who’ve been there through it all.
but as the hours pass, hiding your pregnancy starts feeling harder. you find yourself resting a hand on your stomach absentmindedly, sitting down more often, and you’re sure gabbie has noticed you stifling a yawn more than once. eventually, she leans over, watching you with this knowing look.
“hey… are you okay?” she asks, voice soft with concern. “you seem a little… off?”
you feel caitlin tense beside you, her hand gently squeezing yours under the table. you flash gabbie a reassuring smile, brushing it off. “just tired from the travel, that’s all,” you say, hoping it’s convincing enough.
but then kate chimes in, eyes narrowing as she looks between you and caitlin. “wait a second… you two aren’t… hiding something, are you?”
you exchange a glance with caitlin, but before you can answer, jada lets out a gasp, her hand flying to her mouth. “oh my god, are you pregnant?”
caught off guard, you can’t help but laugh, feeling your cheeks flush. caitlin just sighs, a shy smile creeping onto her face as she squeezes your hand. “yeah… we’re expecting,” she admits, her voice filled with this quiet, uncontainable joy.
the room erupts in cheers, the girls pulling you both into hugs, congratulating you with an outpouring of love and excitement. it’s overwhelming, but in the best possible way, and as you stand there with caitlin by your side, you realize how lucky you are to have friends who are so genuinely happy for you.
“wow,” gabbie says, grinning. “i can’t wait to see the little basketball prodigy you two are going to raise.”
caitlin laughs, rolling her eyes, but there’s this soft, proud look in her gaze as she wraps her arm around you, pressing a kiss to your temple. “we’ll see,” she murmurs, giving you a warm smile. “for now, we’re just glad to have people in on the secret.”
thanks for reading!! she’s too cute with kids. requests are open.
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lettuceonthecourt · 3 days ago
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Yandere! Prince who you have known your whole life, serving under him as his childhood play mate and personal servant
When you both grow up, you get closer and closer, and if you asked anybody else, they would disapprove of a member of the royal family to be as close as he was with a peasant like you
You and the prince start having a secret relationship behind the backs of everybody else, even as he nears his coming of age
His dad, the king, wants to marry off yandere!prince to a nearby kingdom so that they can reaffirm political relations and of course! Produce a heir (he's the only son after all).
Yandere! Prince who hears of this news after his coming of age ceremony, and he is shocked. And angry. He insists that he wants to wait a few more years and his dad didn't have to rush this whole marriage.
"Oh.. also, you've been getting way too close to that little servant of yours. Perhaps this marriage will help ease that up a bit"
Yandere! Prince who rages upon hearing this. He wants to act on his impulses and just off his dad but he decides that he should not. He has to think carefully now...
So, he comes out with his "grand" plan, and he decides not to tell you about his arranged marriage.
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"Hey did you know-" The maid stops abruptly as her friend slaps her lightly on the arm. Both of them eye you wearily as you walk past them, something akin to pity in their eyes as they look at you. It's been like this the whole day, anywhere in the castle you go, you see the maids whispering to each other and side eyeing you. You would find it annoying if it weren't making you slightly nervous and self conscious
"Hey dove, how's your day been?" The prince asks you as you arrive at his study. He had been unusually busy the whole day about something he especially requested you not to help with, but you shift any suspicions to the back of your mind. He was your beloved, he wouldn't deceive you, right?
Gently, you melt into his open arms and tell him about what's bothering you, what with all the maids gossiping about you. After a few silent moments after your rant, you look up at him from your place on his chest. For the first time in a while, you cannot read the expression on his face. Nervous? Hurt? Angry? You cant really place it and it unnerves you
"Hey, are you alright?" Your soft voice breaks him out of his trance, and he finally looks down at you with a familiar warmth in his eyes. "It's nothing. Just ignore what they say okay..." His voice soothes you and, although still slightly suspicious, you feel yourself relax into his embrace. You really love him so much....
On the day of the marriage, the whole castle is in chaos, and everyone is busy. Everyone other than you, that is. Confused, you grab an unsuspecting butler who was briskly walking to his destination and you quickly ask him what is going on. The butler scowls at you, "How do you not know? Today is the day of the prince's wedding! Now let go of me I need to go check on the kitchen" and just like that, he shrugs you off, leaving you in shambles, and in doubt
Walking as fast as you could to the royal church, you try to prove your doubts wrong. This can't be true, he said he would marry ME one day, he said he loved me...
However, as you walk into the exquisitely decorated church, with roses strewed across the aisle, you understand what all the maids had been gossiping about.
Only the wedding of a member of royalty would need such grand decorations, and you feel so stupid now.... ALL the signs were there, but you chose to turn a blind eye to each and every single one of them, instead trusting your sweetheart, your prince.
Before you knew it, the wedding ceremony was about to commence. You could only linger about in the corner of the church as you watch guests fleet in, talking excitedly among themselves about how oh--they were a match made in heaven, they looked so good together--
You slowly drown out the voices as you wallow in your misery, and you can feel tears forming in your eyes as you try to blink them away-- to no avail
It doesn't get better as you see the prince say the words of welcome. This time his voice doesn't soothe you, and the few reassuring looks he tries to throw your way once he locates you, only quells the rage inside you
The rest of the ceremony flies over your head, and you come back to your senses as you hear the crowd cheering and clapping. The groom and his bride, who is- unsurprisingly, beautiful, just as everyone said, kiss, and the look the prince gives is nothing short of adoration and love. You can feel bile up your throat as reality claws at you, your heart breaking just as your tears break free from it's dam. Was I not good enough? Was I too ugly? Why did he not tell me? Unable to watch on, you discreetly leave the church as jealousy, rage, self consciousness and everything else races across your mind
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Yandere! Prince can't lie to himself---while he does love your soft and sweet side, he loves your jealousy and your rage even more. Revels in it, even. He can feel a slight blush on his cheeks as he breaks the kiss with his bride. All the more convincing to look at. He does regret not telling you about the arranged marriage, but he didn't want you to distance yourself away from him so early. he would not be able to stand being apart from you for that long. Don't worry little dove, you'll be right back in my arms really soon... I'll show you even more love when you're back~
The next day, yandere! prince tries to seek you out. He wants to explain himself, reaffirm that you ARE the one that he loved and desired, and that he didn't do anything with his wife. He couldn't imagine giving himself to anybody but you, he would claw his skin off if he ever found himself doing it with anybody else but you..
To his shock, he doesn't find you in your room. Instead, it felt exceptionally empty, the bedsheets stripped off the bed, the pictures you would hang around your table, all gone.
He feels his chest tighten up, he eyes rapidly skimming across the room, trying to find any other signs that you were still here. Did you leave him? Did you hate him now? Where were you? Desperately, he hopes and prays that perhaps, you were just cleaning out your room.. yea definitely. He searches through the castle, demanding answers from the maids he comes across, but only met with the reply "Your highness, y/n has been gone since last night. Nobody knows where she went..."
Frustrated, he calls the guards to find you. No matter where you were, he would take you back to him. You couldn't leave him, not now, not then, not ever. He has to have you beside him, don't you know how badly he suffocates without you around?
I can't breathe without you by my side...how could you mercilessly leave me like this? I know Im at fault but- you didn't give me time to explain myself! Once I find you, dove, I'll make sure you won't fly away again.. I'll reaffirm my love to you however much you want me to...just- come back to me..Please..?
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A/n: guys I'm crashing out rn ik the English sucks and there are so many gaps in this story but. Forgive me y'all 😔😔
ANYWAY I finally finished a major exam (I messed up so badly) but urm... Maybe I'll post a p2? Ps. Did anyone notice the Lana del ray quote :b
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peterman-spideyparker · 1 day ago
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Babe (Matt Murdock x fem!Reader)
Author’s Note: Hey everyone! Here's the angst I was talking about! I've probably had this written for like . . . 6-8 months, but I finally feel good enough with it to post. This first part can be read as a stand-alone, but I'm gonna post a part two that can be read with it. Enjoy! :)
Summary: Matt is your great love. He is everything to you. But when Matt takes a trip to California for work and a video of Daredevil emerges doing the walk of shame, you feel like dying inside. And it marks the end for you.
Song Inspo: Babe (Taylor's Version) (From the Vault) by Taylor Swift
Warnings: ANGST, Matt and reader are married, Matt cheats on reader, they're both heartbroken at the situation, swearing
Other Characters: None
Word Count: 1,118
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All you can do is replay the short videos you’ve seen in your head, the tabloid headlines—even the gifs that were made. Over and over again, all you can see is Matt, in a red and yellow suit, whistling and walking barefoot down a suburban sidewalk after leaving a house there. Your husband, your Matt. Your Matty. The man you love, the man you vowed your life to.
You turn your head when you hear footsteps shuffle at the other side of the door, keys jingling in the lock before the old door swings open. 
“Hey, (Y/N),” he says with a warm smile as he moves in the entryway. The smile quickly fades when he senses your bags and the salt from your tears. “(Y/N), what’s going on?”
Matt takes a step forward, but you take a step back. 
“Angel—,” he tries again. You know he knows, but he’s always had a strong poker face, even with you.
“I just want to know one thing,” you say, your voice cracking as your bottom lip trembles. “How could you do something like that?”
He looses all color from his face. He knows exactly what you’re talking about. “I . . . I don’t know. It’s a shit response, but—.”
“No. No.” A tear rolls down your cheek. “You can’t justify it. This is the consequence for what you did.”
“I don’t know why I did what I did, but angel, please understand—!”
“I’m not your angel anymore, Matt, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand what you did out there. I . . . I keep picturing these things, what you could’ve done, what you did—your lips on her neck. I can’t unsee that.”
“Please—.”
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be. I’ll get a lawyer, I won’t ask for anything, and it’ll be done quick. No need to drag it out.” You pick up your bags and walk past him to the door, Matt looking completely broken. “I’ll get the rest of my things when you’re not here.”
“(Y/N), please, let’s talk this through.”
You take a deep breath. “Did you flirt with her?”
His mouth opens slightly. “Yes.”
“Did you kiss her?”
He lets out a sigh. “Yes.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
He hangs his head. “Yes.”
“Did you keep your wedding ring on during the trip?”
You see tears rolling down his cheeks. “No.”
You wipe a tear of your own away. “Then I don’t see what else there is to talk through. We weren’t important enough to you. I haven’t been in a long time, I think.” You pick up your bag again. “I left my rings by the bed.”
“I can’t lose you,” he breathes. 
“You lost me when you flirted with her.”
“(Y/N), please.” He sounds like broken glass being shuffled around on the ground. 
“I’ll never be able to look at you the same. The man who swore to never hurt me. To love me for the rest of his life.”
“I do love you, (Y/N). I-I . . .” His eyes pinch shut, defeat setting in on his features. “I am so sorry I hurt you. I-I know there’s nothing I can do to change what I did. But let me—.”
“Try to make it up to me? Try to prove you love me? Show that it was a lapse in judgement? Matt, there’s nothing you can do. I can’t look at you the same as I did.”
“You don’t want to even fight for us?” he says, anger now creeping into his voice. “You’re just ready to throw in the towel?”
“Don’t you dare—.”
“You bet I fucking dare. I promised you through thick and thin, and right now, we’re in the thick of it. I’m not letting you leave this loft until we at least talk!”
“We did!”
“No, we didn’t. You asked me questions, but your mind was made up before I even got back in the city.”
“Matt, it’s like you’re missing the point! I love you—!”
“And I love you!”
“Matt, I have never felt wanted or treasured or loved in a relationship before, and then I met you and I felt all of that and more. You are my whole world, and you just tossed me aside for a fling because . . . because . . . because I don’t know why! And it just feels like all of that, all of what we shared, was just an act.”
“It wasn’t. I swear, it wasn’t.”
“Then why did you hurt me like that?”
Matt’s bottom lip trembled as he takes in a deep breath. 
“Jen . . .” Hearing her name is like a gut punch that tears your heart in two. “She gets it. Having powers, being able to help people . . . It was nice to connect with someone like that.”
You bite the inside of the bottom of your lip, the corners of your lips pulling into a deep pout.
“And she gets what it’s like being an attorney,” you add, your voice wet with tears.
He lets out a dejected breath. “She does.”
He wants someone that’s like him, that gets it. How could I have been so stupid? 
Your lip begins to tremble viciously, and Matt rushes to take your hands. 
“I love that you don’t have the same job as me,” he starts. “I love that we have different interest. I love how we complement one another.”
“Matt—.”
“I love how you’ve always been my rock since we met. Since before we started dating.”
“Matt, please—.”
“I love your head, and I love your heart. I love you for everything you are and how you fill the holes in my soul.”
You’re both crying now, but you can’t look at him. If you look at him, you’re afraid you’ll stay.
“I never questioned if I was good enough for you,” you croak. “Ever since I saw . . . Ever since I saw those videos of you leaving in your suit, barefoot outside of her place, that’s all I’ve been able to do. How I failed as a partner, as a friend.”
“You didn’t—.”
“I know. This isn’t on me.” You take a step back, pulling your hands from his. “You were my great love, Matt. I’ll always appreciate that. But all my trust is gone, now. Please understand that.”
He nods, his bottom lip between his teeth. “You can leave,” he says feebly, his voice wet with tears. “I deserve it. You deserve better. But I need you to know I’m always going to love you.”
“And I’m never going to stop loving you.”
Your chest hurts. Your lungs burn and your heart shatters as you grab your bag and walk out of your home. 
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loveaffairxc · 1 day ago
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Frank leaned in, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to her lips before resting his forehead gently against hers, feeling the warmth of her breath against his face, his eyes opening as her words lingered in his mind. He understood that it would take time—maybe a long time—for her to adjust to his presence fully, and he knew the fear she’d carried, the impossibility of truly moving on from the past and all the chaos it had brought.
And yet, there was something stirring inside him that he couldn’t quiet. With the note he’d found still in his pocket, he looked at her, taking in the gentle, steadfast love in her gaze. He could feel how much she still loved him, but as he looked into her eyes, he caught himself thinking about James—whether she was still in contact with him, whether there was still a part of her life she felt she had to hold back.
He thought of saying something but stopped, knowing it wasn’t the right time. They’d talked about James, and he had promised not to dwell on it, especially now, when she’d just found a moment of calm.
"I love you too" he simpled said. then, after a pause, he added softly, almost as if he were thinking aloud, "I think…" He hesitated, the thought forming and reshaping in his mind before he let it out. "I think we should… get married again." As soon as the words left his mouth, Frank felt a slight rush of self-consciousness, like maybe it sounded foolish. He knew it wouldn’t erase the past or change everything they’d endured—it wouldn’t magically take away the scars or make everything feel brand new.
His gaze drifted down to her hand, to the spot where her wedding ring had once rested. Gently, he took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb along that familiar place on her finger, almost as though he could still feel the ring’s imprint.
"Renew our vows?" he murmured. "Have you kept it? The ring?" His eyes lifted to meet hers, both hopeful and vulnerable, wondering if she had held on to that small piece of their past even through all the time and distance. He sure had kept his, though he’d taken it off when things fell apart, right after James had convinced him she didn’t want to see him anymore.
“I... I want that too, Frank.” Esther murmured, her voice thick with emotion. “I want nothing more than for things to be like they were, but...” Her words faltered, and she lowered her gaze, a soft sigh escaping her, as if she were ashamed of her own doubts. “You know…there are days when I wake up and wonder if this is all real. It feels as if I’ll open my eyes and find myself back in this empty house… still waiting.”
Her voice trailed off, and she drew a shaky breath. She’d held onto her strength for so long, but there was a part of her that still feared he might disappear. As if he was nothing more than a ghost, someone time could snatch away once more. But here he was, his hands in hers, his lips brushing against her skin, real and warm.
Slowly, she slid one hand from his grasp and brought it to his face, her fingers tracing the lines of his cheek, grounding herself in his presence.
“I love you, Frank.” She whispered, her voice breaking with the weight of that simple truth. That love had spanned war, distance, and loss. It’d endured, even when she thought it was gone. And now, as she looked into his eyes, it felt stronger, deeper.
She leaned in, letting her lips brush gently, hesitantly, against his.
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estcaligo · 2 days ago
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an idea that came to mind:
*Referencing Sleeping Beauty. Romantic Malleus x F.Yuu. *Mention of death.
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Malleus and Yuu get married, but at the wedding, a fae (perhaps one who was in love with Malleus or hoped to wed a child to him) casts a curse on the couple. The curse declares that soon Yuu will be pricked by a "Royal Thorn" and fall into a deep slumber (basically death).
Desperate to protect Yuu, Malleus orders every thorn in the kingdom to be cut down, eliminating even the slightest possibility of the curse coming true. He even burns down the beloved Briar Rose garden, carefully cultivated by the Draconias for centuries - all for his dear wife.
For a time, all thorns are gone, and the kingdom enjoys a period of peace (very short). Then, one day, the happy couple shares an intimate moment and begin to kiss, and Malleus's fangs accidentally prick Yuu's lips.
Curses and prophecies are often vague, and the fae never specified which part of Yuu's body would be pricked, nor what exactly a "Royal Thorn" might be. In the end, it was Malleus's own fangs.
Blood trickles from Yuu's lips - this has happened before, but this time, Malleus holds his wife in his arms as the light fades from her eyes, her eyelids growing heavy until they finally close. She falls into a slumber. It's not death - yet - but it's not quite life either.
Is there a way to wake her? Who knows.
But with his powers, Malleus can, at the very least, make her time in this slumber a happy one. If he cannot wake her, he will ensure that her dream is filled with happiness. Forever if necessary.
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seungsuki · 1 day ago
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i do - rings may seal your love, but words make you stay (f!reader) warning: none note: AHH i've been wanting to write this for days!! can you tell how much i love this man <33 - with that, i have officially open to write hsr after losing my account!
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today was the day. the day you would finally seal the love you had promised with the man you wished to spend the rest of your life with. as you sit before the mirror, carefully applying the final touches to your makeup, the excitement and anticipation of what was to come swirled in your chest. it didn't help how sweaty your palms were or how loud your heart was beating. the door swings open and you jolt from the sudden burst 
"i got the veil!" march 7th's voice rang out, cheerful and full of energy.
“thank you march”, you smile taking the veil from her 
you look back at the mirror, seeing yourself one last time.  the veil was the final touch, and as you gently lifted it into place and secured it with a pin, the lace patterns seemed to highlight against the soft fabric of your dress. the dress itself was something you had hand picked out with the girls during a shopping trip. it was elegant but simple, yet still beautiful enough to match the look.
march 7th sniffed loudly, her eyes glistening with emotion. "you look beautiful! i might cry," she admitted, her voice trembling making your heart heavy with more feelings 
“thank you march, i'm glad to have you here”, you try blinking back your own tears 
without missing a beat, march 7th pulled out her polaroid camera. "i have to take a photo!" she declared with a grin.
she snapped a few quick shots. the sound of the camera’s click brought a sense of reality to your heart, reminding you that the day was truly here. a soft knock on the door interrupted the moment.
“oh, it’s just you”, march 7th sighed as she opened the door for you to see who it was 
“i'm here to walk you down the aisle”, welt spoke as he stepped inside 
you stood up, straightening your posture. "thank you, welt”
welt simply gave you a small nod. "not at all. i should be thanking you for trusting me with this honour," he replied.
march 7th clapped her hands together, her voice filled with energy. "you’re ready! go and get your man!" she adjusted your dress one last time before pulling you into a tight hug. "i’m so proud of you"
the venue itself was like something out of your pinterest board. deep within the herta space station, surrounded by the stars and the gentle glow of the moon, the atmosphere felt magical. the space was transformed into something straight out of a romance book. the garden bloomed with flowers of every colour, their vibrant petals a stark contrast to the cold metal of the station. in the distance, the old maple tree stood, its leafy branches providing shade for the altar beneath it- something you both promised to keep 
at the altar stood dan heng, looking as calm and composed as ever in a simple but elegant black suit. the teal napkin tucked neatly into his vest pocket. beside him, the wedding officiant waited patiently, ready to guide the ceremony as soon as you made your way down the aisle.
taking welt’s arm in yours, you slowly began your walk toward the altar. the soft petals of the flowers beneath your heels greeted every step you took, and the gentle music played in the background. you remind yourself to write to robin for her help. you took in the sight of all the familiar faces in the room, each one of them a part of your life story. the herta space station crew, who gave you permission to use the palace, smiled and gave you thumbs up as you walked past them.
when you finally reached the altar, dan heng stepped forward, extending his hand toward you. without hesitation, you placed your hand in his. the officiant began the ceremony, starting with you signing the papers with dan heng to follow. it wasn’t over until the both of you exchanged vows 
“dan heng”, you begin. “i vow to love you through every ups and downs of our life. i want to be there to laugh and support you, to grow with you. you have my heart and i am grateful to be standing in front of you. there is no man in the world that would ever make me happy, except for you” 
the officiant nodded, turning toward dan heng. "and now, dan heng, your vows?"
dan heng paused for a moment, his gaze never leaving yours. he took a deep breath, and for a moment, you wondered if he had written something down or if he was simply speaking from his heart because you spent an entire week just to memorise your lines. 
"i don’t have a lot of words to say," dan heng began, his voice soft. "but i hope this reaches you"
“everytime i reincarnate, i will never forget you. i will search the endless cosmos, through each celestial galaxy for a trace of your soul. every star in space bears witness to the promise i made today, and the moon? 
the moon knows how in love i am with you. i speak of you every day, after all. we are like the sun and the moon: you glow with my light and i would never ask for anything in return. how could i? 
i cherish you and our love is more than a small eclipse. you turned me into a poet, and i will only lift my pen for you. the love of my life- something i would never trade for anything the astral express has to offer”
tears rolled down your cheeks as you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around him in a tight embrace. the hall erupted into applause, the perfect ending in your opinion. march 7th, of course, was quick to jump up from her seat, camera in hand, eager to capture the memory. 
"can we have a quick photo of the newlyweds?" she asked, beaming brightly.
you wiped away your tears and stood with dan heng, his hand resting on your waist as he pulled you closer. you took a moment to look up at him, your mind hazy from all the happiness. this day felt like a dream- a beautiful dream you hope to never wake up from
dan heng looked down at you, a small, contented smile on his face. the camera clicked, and march 7th cheerfully skipped away, already eager to show the others the photos she had captured.
you turned to your new husband, still smiling through your tears. "wasn’t she supposed to show us first?" you whispered.
dan heng tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear, his touch gentle. "she’s probably enchanted by your beauty," he said, his voice low but affectionate.
"you look stunning"
"and you?" you teased, your smile widening. "you’re pretty charming today, too"
“so.. where do we go for our honeymoon? i'd like to have you for myself before we’re off to another crazy mission” 
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© seungsuki 2024-25 -- do not repost, translate, alter, etc on any platform without permission. Any characters used in my work do not belong to me, they are created by their original creator. all images are from pinterest
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oldsoul007 · 2 days ago
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Haunted
charlie mayhew x reader
summary: Charlie seems to be haunting you so you must be haunting him
Charlie and I had once been inseparable, our relationship full of passion and dreams for the future. We spent years together, growing and learning from each other. However, as time went on, our paths began to diverge. We eventually went our separate ways.
Years later, I found myself attending a wedding at a quaint church in a small town. As I entered the church, I was struck by a familiar presence. There, standing at the altar, was Charlie. He was now a priest, his demeanor serene and composed. My heart skipped a beat as memories of our time together flooded back.
After the ceremony, I approached Charlie, feeling a mix of curiosity and old emotions. "Charlie, it's been so long," I said, my voice trembling slightly.
Charlie looked at me, a gentle smile spreading across his face. "Y/n, it's good to see you," he replied warmly. Despite the years and the changes in our lives, the connection between us was still palpable.
“I’d love to get together, catch up a bit?” I asked. “Me too y/n, meet me here later tonight.” He smiled.
We spent the evening catching up, sharing stories of our separate journeys. While Charlie spoke of his calling to the priesthood and the peace he had found, I couldn't help but notice the familiar glint in his eyes. The feelings we once shared were still there, lingering just beneath the surface.
As we parted ways that night, I couldn't shake the feeling that our story wasn't quite over. And Charlie, though bound by his vows, couldn't deny the unresolved emotions that seeing y/n again had stirred within him.
I couldn't shake the feelings that had been growing inside me. Every time I saw Charlie, my heart would race, and I felt like I was being haunted by my own emotions. We stole glances at each other whenever we thought no one was looking, our eyes meeting with a mix of longing and regret.
Charlie felt it too. As a priest, he knew he could never act on the feelings he had for y/n. It was a constant battle between his duty and his heart. He found himself thinking about her more than he should, each stolen glance only deepening the ache inside him.
We both knew it was impossible. Our roles in life meant we could never be together, and yet, the connection between us was undeniable. It was as if our were two souls destined to be apart, forever haunted by what could never be.
One evening, after everyone had left the church, I found myself alone with Charlie. The silence between us was heavy, filled with unspoken words and emotions. I finally gathered the courage to speak.
"Charlie, we need to talk about this," I said softly, my voice trembling slightly. "We can't keep pretending these feelings don't exist."
Charlie looked at me, his eyes filled with a mixture of sorrow and longing. "Y/n, I know. Believe me, I know. But what can we do? I'm a priest now, and you're... well, you're you. We can't be together."
I took a deep breath, fighting back tears. "I know it's impossible, but it's tearing me apart. I can't stop thinking about you, and every time we're together, it feels like we're haunting each other with what we can't have."
Charlie stepped closer, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's the same for me. Every glance, every moment we share, it just makes it harder. But we have to be strong. We have to let go, for both our sakes."
We stood there, the weight of our words hanging in the air. It was a painful realization, but they both knew it was the truth. Despite the deep connection we felt, we could never be together. The only thing we could do was try to move on, even if it meant living with the ghost of what might have been.
Charlie found himself in a whirlwind of emotions as he stood with y/n under the soft glow of the windows in the church. All he could think about was how close she was, how her eyes sparkled when she laughed, and how her lips looked so inviting.
Before he knew it, he leaned in and kissed her. It was meant to be a brief, gentle kiss, but the moment their lips touched, something ignited within him. He tried to pull away, to regain his composure, but he couldn't. The warmth of her kiss, the way she responded, made it impossible to stop.
I seemed to feel the same way, my hands finding their way to his shoulders, pulling him closer. Every time he thought he should stop, the connection between us grew stronger, more intense. It was as if the world around us had disappeared, leaving only the two of us in this perfect, endless moment.
Finally, when we did break apart, Charlie was breathless, his heart pounding in his chest. He looked into my eyes, seeing the same mix of surprise and desire reflected back at him. "I... I didn't mean to... I just couldn't stop," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper.
I smiled, my cheeks flushed. "I didn't want you to," I replied softly, and in that instant, Charlie knew that this was just the beginning of something incredible.
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