#and be alone for like 24 hours
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I kinda wanna go on a rant but I honestly just think I need to sleep
#and be alone for like 24 hours#I haven’t had a day withou any plans/other people for at least three weeks#and I’ve had busy weeks before that as well#and my next week will be busy as well#it’s a lot#I’ve put in FREE in my calendar to make sure I don’t have plans then#and this weekend I was supposed to be off but it was the only week I could meet up with my cousins#it was super fun but my brother was kinda like so how did u think it went#and overall I think it went well and so did he#one of my cousins was feeling less so yesterday apparently#but once again I really think it went the best it could have been#one of my cousins fucked kinda up tho and arrived at like half past midnight bc he double booked himself#and his sister was feeling kinda bad for him that ha arrived so late and we would just head to bed so he didn’t get anything out of that day#whereas I very much felt like it was his own fucking fault#I was not gonna stay out till half past 2 when I’d been out partying the day before and I’d already felt just seeing them Saturday/Sunday#took a lot of my energy#that was kinda the rant anyway#but it was a nice discussion with my brother about it#bc I was also slightly annoyed by some of them playing Pokémon go instead of the board game the five of us was playing#but talking it out with him helped with that so it’s fine#then now as I was vacuuming I started getting annoyed at one of my cousins bc#I think it’s ridiculous that he can’t respect his trans brother (my cousin)’s new name and pronouns#so he’s got a free pass to use the old one#bc my other cousin asked bc no one ever really told her what was going on and she heard different things#and I’m still annoyed by that I find it weak as fuck#our grandmother I get but my cousin is 19 he can fucking do better#anyway at that point I realized how stupid tired I am and that’s probably not helping#but since it’s only 7 pm and I need dinner and stuff I can’t sleep yet#so here’s the rant instead I guess#me
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as a certified horse obsessed freak i'm obliged to have an equestrian au so here's an equestrian au. make it olympics flavored for relevance. but there will be no sex in hay!! EVER!!!
it is smutty though.
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Dream Endleas’s reputation for being difficult preceded him. His critical eye, his adherence to perfection, his crisp turnout and refusal to ever appear the slightest bit disheveled even after competing in the summer heat; his family, his money, his luxury-brand sponsorships—Hob had seen enough videos of Dream’s Grand Prix tests to be prepared for all of it. But he wasn’t prepared for the force of seeing it in person.
Dream in person was somehow even more perfect and posh than he appeared on video. Hob hadn’t actually spoken to him yet, had only communicated through his groom, Matthew, while getting the horses settled in—but God, he looked like such a prat. He looked like the type of snotty kid Hob had seen around the yard growing up, the type who thought they could ride because their parents had bought them a fifty-thousand pound pony. The type that persisted into adulthood, rolling up in a Range Rover to get on an already tacked horse, later handing their fancy horse back to the groom before stalking back out of the stable in pristine white breeches, leaving all the care to others.
Hob might have had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about that sort of thing.
It would have been easy to hate Dream, except that, fancy horse or not, he actually could ride, exceedingly well at that, and—and Hob was feeling very betrayed by his dick on this one—he was also blisteringly hot.
Dressage competition wear was, by and large, not one’s first choice of clothes that would be considered “sexy.” The combination of “business formal” and “cavalry officer on parade” wasn’t exactly giving come hither, but Hob took one look at Dream stalking down the center aisle of the barn in his clean white breeches and his high boots and his black coat with its little fucking Union Jack embroidery and he wanted. It was a good thing thoughts were an internal situation because it was embarrassing how quickly he went to I want those skinny little thighs wrapped around my head. Mortifying, really.
He was thinking about it so hard he didn’t immediately realize Dream was coming for him.
“You,” Dream said, stopping before him. “You are the stable manager.”
“That’s me,” Hob agreed. Regretting it more every minute, too. Managing the horses for the Olympic team had sounded like a good gig in theory…
“Why have the horses not been turned out?” Dream demanded.
“Aren’t you competing in—” Hob checked his watch— “an hour? Why are you asking me this now?”
“Because it came to my attention that things were mismanaged,” Dream said, unrepentant, then stood, waiting for his answer.
Hob sighed. “They didn’t provide us any turnout space.”
“They did not provide—” Dream started, then stopped, apparently flummoxed. “That is unacceptable.”
Hob had to grudgingly admit that it was to his credit that he cared. Not everyone did. “Tell me about it. But if you hadn’t noticed, we’re in a several hundred year old stable and they weren’t about to revamp the entire situation for us.”
“As per usual, horse welfare comes last,” Dream said, narrowing his eyes. Jesus Christ, Hob thought, he’s wearing eyeliner. “Be advised that I will be paying close attention going forward—” he looked at Hob’s name badge— “Hob Gadling.”
And with that ominous statement, he turned and stalked off.
“Good luck with your test,” Hob offered, half-heartedly, to Dream’s retreating back. Then, to himself, “Really? That prick’s the one you want?”
He could hardly be angry with Dream for being upset about it, though. Hob certainly had a bone to pick with the organizers about the horses being stalled 24/7. But he doubted that the people who managed The Palace of Versailles gave a fuck what he thought.
It did mean less for Hob to do, though. So once he’d done another round of their team’s wing of the stables he headed out to the arena to watch Dream’s test. There was no way Hob was going to miss watching him ride after a performance like that. If you were going to live up to your reputation of being rude and difficult you had damn well better live up to your reputation for skill as well.
Unfortunately for Hob, Dream did in fact live up to that reputation. He and Jessamy were gorgeous together. She was a smaller and lighter horse than many of the others and seemed to practically float across the ring. Dream made it look so easy when Hob knew damn well it was not. Hob could have watched him for hours, though of course the test was only a few minutes long.
In addition to watching Dream’s test, he was keeping an eye on the horses going in and out of the stable, keeping up to date on any injuries or soreness, though each had its own groom who was responsible for the horse’s immediate care. At the conclusion of Dream’s test, Hob expected him to hand Jessamy off to Matthew, but instead Dream just dropped his stirrups, letting Jessamy steer on a long rein as he wandered off towards the grassy area past the border of the dressage arena.
“Oi!” Hob called, catching up to him. “Where are you going?”
“I am going for a hack,” Dream said, hardly sparing him a passing glance.
Hob followed the direction he was headed. “On the cross-country course?”
“They aren’t using it,” Dream said, uncaring. “We”—presumably he meant himself and the horse—“are sick of being in the stable.”
So saying, he started off again, Jessamy’s ears pricked forward in interest as she picked her way across the grass.
Hob doubted he could stop him. And he had to admit it was probably more entertaining for the horse to go for a walk than to sit in her stall. It seemed a strange thing for Dream to do, though, wander off across the grass, legs swinging free out of the stirrups, instead of maintaining a strict training regimen in the arena.
Dream stopped before he was too far away, turning over his shoulder to call out: “I will be back before the final test is complete. If scheduling concerns you.”
So there was some recognition of the fact that it would be Hob’s neck if the horses weren’t where they were supposed to be when they were supposed to be. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, waving a hand. “Though given your score, I’d imagine you want to be back before they announce the medals.”
He got a half-smile from Dream for this, and then he was wandering off again, sitting comfortably in the saddle with the reins long, Jessamy’s tail swishing away the summer flies.
Hob watched his retreating back for a long moment, then turned back to the ring to keep an eye on the rest of the horses.
As Hob had predicted, Dream did win gold. He showed up just in time for it, finally giving Jessamy back to Matthew to take inside. She’d picked up some grass stains on her white socks, though Dream’s clothes were as pristine as ever. He seemed immune to dishevelment. He accepted his medal with predictable stoicism and bore the obligatory photos with grace and poise but what seemed to Hob like resignation rather than enjoyment of the attention.
Hob didn’t see where he ended up next. He had horses to feed and water and tack to be sure was in order for tomorrow’s events. In fact, he doubted he’d see Dream again at all. It should have been a good thing, for all Dream was a source of frustration for him. Instead, he found himself feeling disappointed.
Hob was always the last one in the barn at night. Partly out of obsessiveness, partly due to the fact that unlike the riders, his lodgings were actually on the stable grounds. So he did his final round looking in on the horses at around 9 p.m. Not that there was much to do—check water, throw a little hay, make sure none of the horses had managed to keel over in the last two hours since he’d seen them—but it was a soothing ritual, making sure everything was shut up tight before going to bed himself.
Or it would have been soothing, if there wasn’t somebody else there.
The distant sound of a stall door sliding open had Hob immediately on edge. No one else had cause to be here this late, and at such a high profile event, he couldn’t rule out the possibility of ill intentions—or just of a horse getting out past an improperly latched door. He walked quickly towards that wing of the stable, though there had been no more sounds since—
Oh. It was Jessamy’s stall. Hopefully that meant it was Dream, or at least Matthew, because otherwise Dream would be royally fucking pissed.
Hob peered around the door where it was cracked open. And then just stood there, frozen, because it was Dream, crouched down in the shavings cleaning the grass stains from Jessamy’s leg—but not Dream like Hob had ever seen him.
For one, he was wearing shorts. Actual jean shorts that fell to mid-thigh, legs bare down to his paddock boots. Legs which were just as wiry and pale as Hob had imagined under his breeches, but covered in dust, with a streak of mud across one knee and a small bruise on the other thigh of the type you inevitably get when you spend enough time in the barn. Instead of his crisp white shirt and black jacket of earlier, he was wearing a loose black t-shirt spotted with water across the chest—watching the way Jessamy was sloshing about in her water bucket, now full of hydrating additives, Hob could just about guess how that had occurred. Dream even had a piece of hay stuck in his hair.
It was all so shocking Hob didn’t realize Dream was calling his name until he’d said it a second time.
“Hob Gadling. Do you require something, or can I be left in peace for the first time today?”
“You’re wearing shorts,” Hob said, dumbfounded.
Dream raised an eyebrow. “It is very hot out, if you hadn’t noticed.”
“I just— I can’t imagine you in shorts.” Or covered in dirt, for that matter. Dream was so pristine, so refined. Except for now, when he was at least fifty percent dust.
“Do you imagine me frequently?” Dream asked, and Hob was grateful that the low lighting disguised the way his cheeks flushed.
“No, I—” he did, though. He’d imagined Dream constantly since first seeing him. Since first learning they’d be crossing paths at the Olympics, really. “Maybe.”
Dream smirked, and stood, stepping out of the stall and perching instead on his tack trunk in the aisle, latching the door behind him. “What about me makes you think I do not own shorts?”
Hob was definitely blushing now. “You just. Always look so put together. And now you’re…” he gestured to the various bits of grime sticking to Dream.
“Of course I am put together at a show, Hob,” Dream said, rolling his eyes. “You could hardly expect me to show up to the Olympic final with mud smeared across my face.”
This was a good point, actually.
“I did not intend to be seen like this at all,” Dream added, giving him a pointed look.
Hob found it charming, though. The fact that Dream’s relative familiarity in being sticky with sweat and hay dust meant he did at least some of his own horse care regularly. The fact he didn’t just show up to get on and off.
“Why are you here so late?” Hob asked, glancing over at Jessamy. “I think she’ll survive with some grass stains until tomorrow. You’re done competing anyway.”
Dream’s brow pinched. “The amount of socializing at this event is stressful. And there is no reprieve in my rooms.”
This made Hob grin. “Not having fun in the Olympic Village?”
Dream wrinkled his nose. “I do not like having a roommate,” he said, and Hob had to laugh at the disgust in his tone. “I considered booking my own hotel room, but was informed this was not demonstrative of team spirit.”
“Oh no, you had to be part of a team at a team event, that’s terrible,” Hob said, still grinning. “Poor Dream.”
Dream’s lips twitched into a half-smile, but it did reach his eyes, Hob saw it. “Terrible,” he agreed. “Hence, I am hiding in the barn.”
“And you wanted to check on your horse,” Hob guessed, softening. He had finally reached the conclusion that he had been wrong about the type of horseman Dream was likely to be. And shouldn’t have assumed it in the first place.
“I worry about them overheating,” Dream said. “This barn has poor airflow.”
“You’ve got better at your place back home?”
“My horses live outside,” Dream said.
Hob had really been wrong about the type of horseman Dream was.
“Now you will tell me they will break themselves in the field,” Dream sighed, apparently well-used to the argument.
“Nope,” said Hob. “So do mine.”
Then, Dream looked at him in surprise and, if Hob wasn’t mistaken, a new hint of grudging respect.
“Mine aren’t as expensive as yours, of course,” Hob teased. He could only guess at the price tag on Dream’s Grand Prix dressage horses.
“They are insured,” Dream said, dismissively. “I care little for how much they cost me. They are happier out of their stalls.”
Hob smiled, and felt the softness of it on his own face. Goddammit. Now he wasn’t only finding Dream hot, which he could maybe have coped with, but going soft on him, too. “I really am sorry about the turnout situation here. There’s just not much we can do about it. I did ask.”
“It’s no matter.” He’d apparently decided to give up on his annoyance with Hob about it. “I may bring her home early. Though I doubt they will let me leave until the end.”
“No one’s ever been less excited to be at the Olympics than you, Dream,” Hob said, laughing, and Dream cracked another smile. He was very pretty when he smiled. He was pretty when he was stern and focused, too. Really, all of him was doing it for Hob.
“I am not very good at dealing with people,” Dream admitted.
Hob felt abruptly bad for him and the reputation he’d developed. Not that Dream hadn’t done anything to justify it. But it couldn’t make it any easier to make friends. He looked so much smaller, too, sitting on the tack trunk in his shorts and t-shirt, covered in dust and hay. Far from the stern and unapproachable Dream Hob had seen earlier.
“Come take a walk with me,” he suggested. “We’ll finish checking in on the horses and then, I don’t know. Get a drink or something.”
It felt too bold a suggestion as soon as Hob suggested it, but Dream sighed and stood, dusting off his shorts. “I suppose I should try not to sequester myself.”
“That’s the enthusiasm I like to see,” Hob said, and got another smile out of Dream. He was quickly becoming addicted to getting those smiles.
Dream followed as Hob checked in on the remaining horses, helping him top off waters and throw hay. By the end Hob was just as covered in dust as Dream, t-shirt drenched in sweat, and had tied up his hair in a bun to get it off the back of his neck, not that it helped much. Dream had been right, the barn was poorly ventilated, and they were both suffering the results of that.
When he turned from tying up his hair, he found Dream watching him, gaze tracking the movement of Hob’s hands, the fall of his hair, then back to his face.
“What?” Hob asked.
“I—” Dream swallowed, throat catching. “Was I. Wrong. To think I caught you looking before?”
Somehow Hob knew exactly what he meant. He probably should have felt embarrassed about it—but it was hard to when Dream was looking at him like that now. Dust sticking to his hair, sweat gleaming along his neck, and he was looking at Hob like he’d suddenly found something very compelling to cut through the weariness of the day.
“No,” Hob said. “Did it bother you?”
Dream shook his head. “No one looks at me like that.”
“Seriously? But you’re gorgeous.”
Dream’s mouth popped open, and even in the semi-dark Hob thought he saw his eyes dilate. “Am I?”
“Maybe they’re all just too intimidated by you to show it,” Hob said, taking a step closer to him.
“And are you?” Dream asked. “Am I so terrifying?”
“I think I can handle it,” Hob said, and closed the remaining distance between them, sparing one moment to think I can’t believe I’m fucking doing this before he took Dream’s face between his hands and kissed him.
Dream whimpered into the kiss, clutching at Hob’s wrists. He opened his mouth to Hob, head tipping back. Dream had such a strong presence that Hob hadn’t realized there was a slight height difference between them, but he took full advantage of it now, pressing him back, letting go of his face to catch him around the waist.
Dream pulled away long enough to take a breath, then dove back immediately into the kiss, sucking on Hob’s lower lip, digging his fingers into Hob’s hair. Hob steered him back, half-blind for kissing, until they stumbled into one of the empty stalls being used to store extra tack, where he pushed Dream down to sit on one of the tack trunks.
Dream’s breath caught, his pulse hammering where Hob set his lips and teeth to it, sucking a mark into his throat on his way to kneeling between Dream’s spread thighs. “I was thinking about you as well,” Dream admitted, once Hob had detached from his neck and dropped fully to kneel on the floor, grinding dirt into his knees. “Seeing you. Carrying bags of feed over your shoulder like they weighed nothing. Mmm. Your shoulders.”
“Oh, yeah?” That was heady to think about, Dream watching him like that. Hob undid the button on his shorts, skimming them and his underwear down and off over his paddock boots. This revealed Dream’s pretty pink cock, already plumping up as he leaned back on his hands on the tack trunk. Hob nosed at the base, taking in the sweat and musk of him, hearing Dream’s breath hitch. “You know what I was thinking about?”
“What?”
“Doing this.” Hob took the head of Dream’s cock in his mouth, pulling a wrenching cry from Dream as he twitched where he sat, thighs trembling. Hob bobbed his head, sucked up the length of him, pulling off with a pop and saying, “This is exactly where I wanted you.”
“Indeed?” The word was shaky. Dream’s fingers twitched on the wood of the trunk.
“Go on,” Hob told him, and Dream’s hands went to his hair, pulling it from its bun, directing Hob back down onto his cock. Hob took him deep, pressing his nose into the hair at the base of Dream’s pelvis. The weight of Dream in his mouth was addicting, and then Dream’s legs shifted and he tucked them up and over Hob’s shoulders, thighs pressing in against his head—yes, perfect.
Dream pulled him close, thrust his hips up into Hob’s mouth, hesitant at first then bolder when Hob hummed in encouragement. Dream’s fingers combed through his hair, not quite pulling but tugging and tangling in little pinpricks of delicious pain, and Hob closed his eyes, surrendering to the experience of satisfying him, so hard in his own jeans but ignoring it for now—it only made everything feel more vivid, anyway.
“Hob,” Dream cried, cock twitching, pre-come spilling over Hob’s tongue. Hob didn't let up, only took him deeper, Dream bumping against the back of his throat as he swallowed.
Dream cried out as he came, hands clenching to the point of pain in Hob’s hair, legs tightening around Hob’s head. Hob nearly came himself at the feeling. Instead he swallowed again, sucking on Dream’s cock as it softened until Dream whimpered from overstimulation, and then Hob carefully let him go, finally able to take a full breath as Dream curled around his head, thighs trembling against Hob’s cheeks.
Hob turned his head to kiss his thigh, grazing his teeth over the small bruise he’d seen earlier, making Dream gasp. He uncurled himself from Hob, letting go of his death grip on Hob’s hair to instead caress his cheeks, run his thumb over Hob’s wet lower lip. Hob looked up, met his gaze, nearly perished at the look of blown-out pleasure there. He could live on that look, he thought, feed himself on it every day.
“Come here,” Dream ordered. Hob was helpless but to obey. He let Dream draw him up, disentangle them so Dream’s legs were around his waist instead of over his shoulders, and Dream plucked open the button on Hob’s jeans, pushed his underwear down far enough to take him out. Dream took him in hand, humming in appreciation.
“Like what you see?” Hob teased, but it came out far breathier than he intended, all of him going taut with Dream's hand on him. Dream only smiled slowly, stroking Hob, slow but firm.
“I do,” he said, and drew Hob in with his other hand wrapped around the back of Hob’s neck, sticking in the new sweat that had beaded along his skin, letting Hob rut into his fist. Hob kissed up the side of his neck, leaving marks, breath catching when Dream hooked a leg around the back of his thigh to pull him even closer.
“So perfect for me,” Dream praised, hand sliding up to curl in his hair while his other kept expertly working Hob’s cock. “Mmm. Later, I want you to fuck me properly. I want that gorgeous cock inside me. I know you will fill me so well. I want to feel you.”
All it really took was Dream’s sweet words to send Hob’s arousal boiling over. He gasped into Dream’s throat as he came, hips stuttering into Dream’s fist. Dream pet his hair as he came down from the high, wiping his hand off on his shirt. Hob kissed the side of his neck once more for good measure, tasting the sweat there, before finally pulling away.
“You really want me to fuck you?” he asked. “You going to—”
Dream laid a finger over his lips. “If you make a joke about me riding you I will walk out of this stable and never return.”
Hob broke down laughing, pressing his forehead against Dream’s shoulder. “You get that one a lot?”
“Constantly.”
“I’ll bet.”
Dream was chuckling, too, chest rumbling against Hob’s body. Hob liked the sound of it.
“Cross my heart, I swear I won’t make any jokes,” Hob promised.
He liked this. Leaning against Dream. Touching him. Sharing a soft moment. He liked it a lot.
Dream tipped his face back up with a fingertip under his chin. “I do still want you to fuck me,” he said, watching Hob with dark eyes. Hob swallowed hard. “Will you take me back to your rooms? For we are certainly not going back to mine.”
“Don’t want to involve your roommate?” Hob teased, and Dream sighed.
“Don’t make fun of my indignities,” he complained, and Hob laughed.
“I’m sorry, darling. You suffer so much. Your life is terribly difficult.”
“And you are making it worse by making me wait,” Dream complained.
Hob certainly didn’t want that. So he stood, tucking himself away again, and rearranged Dream in his shorts, helping him up. He paused then, wondering just how far this burgeoning thing between them went, before deciding, fuck it, and pulled Dream in for a soft kiss, hands light on his lower back. Hob was feeling very fond of him right then. He might as well show it.
Dream hummed into the kiss, sinking into him. When they separated, his lips curved into a soft smile.
“Perhaps you might make me breakfast in the morning, too,” he said, taking Hob’s hand.
“If you’re willing to wake up at six,” Hob said. “Because that’s when the horses get breakfast.”
Dream groaned dramatically, but didn’t let go of Hob’s hand, and as Hob tugged him out past the stall door and towards his lodgings at the far end of the stable, he was smiling, eyes bright. And Hob thought waking up to him before sunrise might be very beautiful indeed.
#hob looking at dream in his prissy little dressage outfit: i want that rich twink obliterated#i wrote this in one mad 24 hour span send help#dreamling#equestrian au#my writing#nsft#poor dream like 'i didn't get involved in horseriding to talk to PEOPLE leave me alone 😡 i wanna hang out with my horsey. fuck off'
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odds n’ ends
#it’s like.. the b-sides that didn’t fit with anything else and aren’t strong enough alone to warrant me wasting space on anyone else’s dash#these were taken between Sep 23’ and Feb 24’; they’re not sorted chronologically#they’re sorted by temperature. sorta#I can start putting more time into art again soon - easing into it bc I’ve not adjusted to the changes yet#now that the move is over and I don’t have the shitty helljob that had me doing 70 hrs p/week. I made a bank in OT hours tho.#which is good! bc my job fell through on this end and I’m now trying to find new work so I don’t die :)#so my heftier-than-usual savings are keeping me afloat for the moment#ah well! cest la vie; and I’ll be okay!#my art#aesthetic#art#artwork#webcore#internetcore#abstract#artists on tumblr#photography#flash photography#weirdcore#nature photography#mountains
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I was watching a clip of the nutcracker on youtube and someone complained about the ballerina dancing as clara because "an adult playing a 12 year old is creepy" and guys. I think we need to shut down takes. No more takes until we figure out what's going on.
#what do you want??? CHILD LABOR?#profesional ballet is incredibly intense both mentally and physically#12 is a really young age to go en pointe in the first place let alone for HOURS on end every day#like i can understand this shit in like. tv or movies but on LIVE PERFORMANCE???#on camera you are so close to the actor appearance matters a lot more and you can make more forgiving schedules for child actors#in ballet you CAN'T account for those schedules#and the dancer's... you know. DANCING matters way more than how young they look. you're sitting 50m away it DOESN'T MATTER#i'm not sure how to like... tag this beyond the rant#im not even sure if it was purity culture or just a pure hatred for adult women#because the commenter went to complain that the dancer (who was 24) 'looked in her 40s'#ballet#the nutcracker#the dancer was Sae Maeda for the record who is BRILLIANT
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Cody peeks out with comical wide-eyed horror at the stinky, noisy intruder (Rex) who is energetically kneading biscuits in the donut bed Cody had just claimed.
(or the second night after Rex was adopted, only 2 days after Cody was adopted, Cody is extremely not thrilled to learn that he is, in fact, not going to be a pampered only child who can monopolize everything)
(and this was BEFORE either of them learned they have 2 older brothers now too...)
Cats Tag: #YukiPriASLKittens
#YukiPriASLKittens#Cats#Kittens#Cat!Cody#Cat!Rex#siamese cat#Cody was so horrified and betrayed#he thought the entire human bed was his and his alone but he has to SHARE?!?!?#alas Cody was also roughly 5 lbs of fluff#even when he 'hissed' he was so scared that he just opened his mouth but no sound came out#i feel bad but ngl it was kinda funny#dun worry they became bffs roughly 24 hours after this video was taken#like it's shocking how quickly they decided they love each other#also please pardon my thigh
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i’ve listened to like 80 episodes of tma since saturday. i think probably a bit more tbh… aka in five days…. yeah i love this podcast
#oh horror podcast were really going through it now#lol it’s over 24 hours#around 26.5 lool#but ngl i haven’t fully processed all of the episodes#like some parts i’ve just been distracted#bc well#it’s comforting to me#and i just#can’t be alone with my thoughts rn#lol#and that’s on dealing with a breakup#breakup#tma#the magnus archives#magnus archives#nerd stuff
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So idk if it’s just me but it seems to me like there’s a sudden influx of trump supporters EVERYWHERE online, being very bold and very loud, and based on arguments alone I’ve noticed that you trump supporters are in dire need of help. So, I’m doing a fundraise for you guys and I’ll be donating braincells, please come collect them asap, they’re completely free you don’t even have to do anything but promise to use them, it looks like you desperately need them 😭
#us politics#us election#2024 election#fuck donald trump#all these braindead people are literally crawling from the gutters coming out like cockroaches they’re everywhere!#can’t even be online in peace#the amount of shit my eyes have witnessed in the past 24 hours alone will send me into the psych ward bye#btw any trump supporter who dares come into the notes is getting blocked#don’t need your rusty ass vitriolic energy this is a safe space for intelectual people only
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Hi folks! Just wanted to write a quick post that if you send an ask and I don't respond to it immediately, you don't have to repost it, I'm probably just really, really, really tired. And having asks re-sent doesn't make me feel more likely to reply to them!
Give it about a week, and if I don't reply after that, you're welcome to ping me again. But I am on hiatus right now for a reason <333 So please just be patient, because my priority right now is taking care of myself and resting, and being very careful on where I put my energy, which means not getting to asks straight away even if I'd like to sometimes.
#housekeeping#i wish i could get to every ask#let alone every ask quickly#but i often can't these days#i actually replied to a couple of asks today#while waiting for my dog to come out of surgery#and the rest of the day has been spent helping him in recovery#i am very tired#i am so sorry!#but asking me even very nicely to do more when i'm taking a break#because i have been doing too much#and then asking me again when i don't answer within 24 hours#is like asdlkfjd maybe you didn't know i was on hiatus#but i am T.T#idk if folks know this but answering asks often takes me like 10-50 minutes depending on how much detail i go into#which is fine when i have the energy#and is fun#but is like...a lot otherwise
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺️)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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Oh. 💀 for all you fic writers out there, have some symbolic jewelry.
#modern au dfs?#everyone is saying rentboy dfs - what a coincidence i uploaded the shoot for their inspiration lmao#but oh no now my mental gears are turning#hear me out: fangdi where dfs is living out his usual shitty ass karma where he's gotta claw his way off the street alone#and fdb is some rich kid trying to hide that he's growing increasingly convinced he doesn't belong here#and there's a very familiar face he keeps spying on the street unless he's going crazy like his parents seem to think#both fdb and dfs are slowly reawakening and realizing who they really are and they're stuck here living an entire 2nd life bc#bc fdb punched dfs into a fucking lotus pond full of cursed corpse brides and jumped in himself when dfs disappears and never resurfaces#basically cursed dream pond - they can only get out if they FALL IN LOVE - the dead brides' regrets lmaaaaaooosdfkajs yeah i have no idea#i got deadlines and haven't slept in 24 hours#di feisheng#mysterious lotus casebook#xiao shunyao
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for the billionth time in five years. im so sorry my father suddenly wants to spend Quality Time with his children but ive actually got almost three decades of primary evidence that he does not like me and i definitely absolutely have no interest in spending any more time than necessary w any of my family
#i feel bad that they're acting all hurt feelings when i was like. i dont want to go on a trip w you guys#but come on man how are you surprised at this point lol#im trying to be really normal and mostly nice but i do very much also feel like that dog in me is going feral. quickly.#i dont even want much really i just need 24 uninterrupted hours alone and maybe to get some writing done#cant believe ive ever experienced creative inspiration in my life at this point. whatever. its fine
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#VENT#VENT TAGS AHEAD !!#so the job is...awful.#i applied for 20-25 hours#they asked if i could do 30#and now theyre pushing me into 40.#i didn't realize that when i agreed to 30 that was NOT binding (i should have known because it wasn't in my job offer. but i am 19 and--#ive never had a job offer letter before. even tho this is just retail)#and i can't adjust my availability for 90 days.#and since i put full availability expecting 25 hours max#now i have FULL 24/7 AVAILABILITY ON FILE for three months at least#and i have no idea what to do because this means i cant commit to any classes coming up for college#but ive been job hubting for months and barely got anything#and if i lose the job i have to move back in with my dad which is almost worse#whats wirse is my leader/boss is so mean. im not saying this lightly#i dont want to get into it but im barely a week in and he's made disrespectful and pushy comments towards me#has basically told me to stay late (which theoretically i cluld say no; but im still on my three months of 'we will fire you if we want to'#and like i said. need the job.#so he told me to stay late knowing i cant really say no#he's given me a frankly absurd amount of work (instock and i get carts filled woth 2-3x their max capacity unorganized and dangerously--#overloaded) and then he pushes me and snaps at me to get it done in an absurdly short timeframe while im still in TRAINING#im afab and present femme as i haven't transitioned irl and he is so ragingly sexist#he often just refers to me and the other girl being trained as 'girl' or 'that girl#and to top it all off#i took this job over a second interview at a place i really liked#because i thought the hours at this olace would be more consistent#nope! full time! surprise!!#and now im kicking myself so fucking hard over it. i feel like i fucked up so hard#and my friend i moved here with has been home for two months and will be this month so im just. alone. and i don't really have anyone to#turn to. im just so very stressed and tired and lonely
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📣 📣 📣 📣
LET THEM FUCK !!!
📣 📣 📣 📣
#eo is endgame#end game#like they're gonna wait until the very end#i hate dick wolf#24 fucking years without these fools bumping uglies#let alone kissing#i could rant about this for hours#LET THEM FUCK#bensler#fucking svu
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i need to bite his nose and kiss him on the lips and them throw rocks at him i hate him he makes me feel Emotions
#dragon's ramblings#🧲 all this effort to make it look effortless#AAAAAAUGH CAN HE PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE FOR LIKE 24 HOURS I BEG
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Y'all ever think about that the like last conversation Buffy and willow had irl in s2 before Buffy ran away was Buffy saying willow was their last hope.
And that the last conversation they had, just the 2 of them, in S5 before Buffy died was Buffy saying willow was her big gun
Yeah.... Me neither (lying)
#oh guilt and guilt and guilt#they did speak on the phone in s2 aswell but like jskdkwjj#also just the fact that in s2 the lsst time they saw eachothrr irl when both were conscious was like idk over 24 hours before buffy ran away#like yesh willows guilt about killing people is great#but lets talk about her guilt about letting people down and failing them(acording to her)#in s2 shw thought she failed the spell. she thoight *she* was the reason buffy ran away#(really to me the reason buffy ran away was not just cause she was yk sad. but also she thoight she was alone. no one on her side.#cause xander qouldnt be amy comforting about angel. her mom had kicked her put. giles really isnt much emotional hrlp and would probably be#-all watcher about it. and she *thought* willow wasbt with her either cause XANDER FUCKING LIED.#top 10 moments that make me despise Xander)#pzyii rants#buffy summers#willow rosenberg#buffy and willow#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#btvs s2#btvs s5
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