#and bc i couldnt find them i figured i must have accidentally left them in a pocket and then washed them.

[scattered-winter]

life is hard but it's harder when you're a fucking idiot.

[toastling]

So some friends of mine and I got to talking about Bee Movie and I wrote some sequels

[1:29:26 AM] lau: she left this man for bee jerry seinfeld [1:30:38 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: that bee couldnt even pleasure her in any way [1:30:47 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: can he kiss her??? rub her back??? [1:30:53 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: no. he cant bc hes a BEE [1:32:46 AM] Sol: http://protectbuckybarnesatallcosts.tumblr.com/post/142880693709/jibblyuniverse-ptsdgriffin-killuav [1:32:48 AM] lau: kri you innocent soul you haven't read the fanfiction [1:33:22 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: IM TALKING ABOUT LIKE, IN ACTUALITY [1:33:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: FANFICTION DOESNT COUNT [1:33:52 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: Sol please [1:34:08 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: also id bee terrified of him crawling inside me? what if he suffocates and dies [1:34:12 AM] Sol: You asked [1:34:21 AM] Sol: KRI STOP [1:34:21 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: i dont want to have to excavate a dead body from my vag [1:34:34 AM] Sol: THE UNIVERSE CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH BEE PUNNERY [1:34:49 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: thats a shame dude beecause were talking abt bee movie [1:35:07 AM] lau: fanfiction has this figured out. air tanks, kri, air tanks [1:35:14 AM] Sol: Wut [1:35:53 AM] Toast: Vanessa is actually the reincarnation of Cleopatra and her ex is a reincarnation of her high priest. Barry is not the first bee she's looped into this little scam of hers. She seeks out bees with the right qualities and eventually traps them in a jar so that she can recreate the greatest vibrator the world has ever known and achieve ultimate pleasure as the amassed bees vibrate at just the right frequency due to her clever and specific selection process.

However, in Bee Movie, something new happened, and she fell for one of the bees who was supposed to be just a means to an end. She severed her tie to her reincarnating high priest after realizing how much of a dick he really was and fell more and more for bee Jerry Seinfeld. But in the end, she could not resist the temptation, the pleasure. Barry was the last piece of the vibrator puzzle in this reincarnation cycle. So she trapped him, too, and that was the end of their relationship.

At last, her quest was complete.

And that's how Bee Movie 2 would've ended. [1:36:04 AM] Sol: What [1:36:09 AM] Sol: The [1:36:12 AM] Sol: Fuck [1:36:27 AM] lau: there used to a game in our friend group was to find the weirdest fanfiction and try reading in without laughing. there was a bee movie bee smut fic that involved barry b benson diving inside of vanessa with air tanks [1:36:50 AM] Sol: Now we how Ford came to be [1:36:54 AM] Sol: *know how [1:37:02 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: hey James do you accept criticism on your messages [1:37:06 AM] Toast: No [1:37:18 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: too fucking bad here it is: shooting me wouldve been better [1:37:22 AM] lau: reading weird fan fiction around the lunch table is my origin story [1:37:33 AM] Toast: I hope at least Ford had fun with that one [1:37:34 AM] Sol: Why do you even ask Kri, we know what you're going to say [1:37:42 AM] Toast: I had fun writing it imagining your reactions [1:38:06 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOL [1:38:12 AM] lau: oh yeah it ends with barry discovering a human fetus in her womb before stinging it to abort it and also killing himself out of anger [1:38:21 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: WHAT THE FUCK LAUREN [1:38:28 AM] Sol: THE FUCK [1:38:29 AM] lau: and then it turns out he was on a prank show [1:38:30 AM] Sol: The fuckd [1:38:31 AM] Sol: Fdnrnnf [1:38:37 AM] Sol: THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK [1:38:38 AM] Toast: he ded tho [1:38:49 AM] lau: with ashton Kutcher who implanted the fake fetus to prank barry [1:38:56 AM] Sol: FORD [1:39:07 AM] Sol: IM WITH KRI [1:39:10 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: Sol will you please end my suffering [1:39:13 AM] Sol: SHOOT ME [1:39:15 AM] Toast: Ford has improved my draft of Bee Movie 2 [1:39:23 AM] lau: NO [1:39:23 AM] Sol: SHOOT ME FIRST [1:39:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: we can do it together like hold hands and jump off a cliff or like cyanide [1:39:34 AM] Sol: I CANT OWN A GUN ANYWAY [1:39:35 AM] lau: I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS [1:40:10 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: Sol i dont have a gun either [1:40:39 AM] Sol: FORD YOU POSTED [1:40:44 AM] Sol: THAT [1:40:53 AM] Sol: YOU DONT GET TO SAY ANYTHING [1:41:06 AM] Toast: What if Vanessa fell in love with a talking gun after her tryst with Barry ended and as she and the gun were doing it she accidentally pulled the trigger would that be fucked up or what [1:41:24 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: James [1:41:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: for the love of god [1:41:30 AM] Toast: I feel like this is something that would happen today in Texas in real life [1:41:38 AM] lau: i mean as a group we've seen worse fanfics [1:41:40 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: can you just for fucking once please think before you hit enter [1:41:44 AM] Toast: No [1:41:44 AM] Sol: THE GUN PREMATURELY FIRES [1:41:51 AM] Sol: FUCK [1:41:54 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: im leaving all of you [1:44:33 AM] Toast: Vanessa didn't finish writing her will before the premature firation, so instead of bequeathing all of her belongings to her secret lover Jerry Seinfeld, who exists in this world independent of Barry B. Benson who had his voice but is now dead, they get bequeathed to a guy named Jerry Sein instead, who now must figure out what to do with this loudly buzzing jar and a talking gun with night terrors and survivor's guilt. [1:45:01 AM] Toast: Bee Movie 3, bam [1:45:24 AM] Toast: "bam" is part of the title, in reference to the talking gun, whose name is Bam Bam. No relation to the Flintstones character of the same name. [1:45:36 AM] Sol: https://youtu.be/tLLKMiVL3O8 [1:45:40 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: James if you make one more post about this im leaving the group [1:45:51 AM] Sol: The ant Man post had me thinking about this short. [1:45:56 AM] Toast: ): [1:46:00 AM] Toast: I'm having fun god damn it [1:47:54 AM] Sol: WAIT TOAST, WHO GHE FUCK DOESNT FINISH WRITING THEIR WILL IN SUCH A MANNER THEY DONT FUCKING FINISB A NAME [1:48:58 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: THEY BLEED OUT YOU FUCK [1:48:58 AM] Toast: I could explain this but Kri is already standing on the edge [1:49:09 AM] Sol: WHAT IS SHE DOINF [1:49:14 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: WHO IS SHE [1:49:19 AM] Sol: WRITING THE WILL DURING BEE SEX [1:49:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: IT WAS GUN SEX YOU FUCK [1:49:30 AM] Toast: Yes that's what she's doing except it's a gun [1:49:44 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: James u can explain the stuff uve already wrriten just please [1:49:47 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: no bee movie 4 ideas [1:49:51 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: jesus fucking christ [1:49:54 AM] Sol: WHAT KIND OF FUCKING PROTECTION. IS THAT [1:50:04 AM] Sol: LET ME JUST [1:50:16 AM] Sol: WRITE THE WILL WHEN IM HAVIG SEX WITH A GUN [1:50:21 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: NO SOL [1:50:22 AM] Sol: PERFRCT [1:50:25 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: SHE GOT SHOT [1:50:28 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: THEN WROTE THE WILL [1:50:33 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: AND DIED MID SENTENCE [1:50:53 AM] Sol: WILLS HAVE TO BE FUCKING SIGNED [1:50:53 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: BLEEDING OUT ISNT AN IMMEDIATE THING MY FRIEND [1:51:10 AM] Sol: AND YOURE ON YOUR DEATHBED WITH A TALKING GUN [1:51:20 AM] Toast: It was always going to end with Vanessa's death, this was her suicide plan all along and Bam Bam knew that. She couldn't bear to live anymore after Barry, knowing what she'd done to him and relegated him to. She released him from the jar but he was... broken. His mind was gone. The brilliant bee that she fell for was gone. So she enlisted Bam Bam to have some fun and also ensure her demise. Unfortunately, she didn't account for Bam Bam to fire prematurely. [1:51:24 AM] Sol: AND YOU LEAVE EVERYTHING TO JERRY FUCKING SEINFELD [1:51:46 AM] Toast: Jerry Seinfeld was her secret Real Lover hinted at in Bee Movie 2 and revealed at the end of Bee Movie 3. [1:51:59 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: GOD I HATE THIS [1:52:03 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: WHY WAS THIS BROUGHT UP AGAIN [1:52:12 AM] Sol: TOAST YOURE A SHIT WRITER. [1:52:38 AM] Toast: Bam Bam felt survivor's guilt because he knew what he'd done and he knew how it was going to end no matter what but knowing that it didn't go according to plan coupled with the weight of what he'd done shook him. It's really quite the tragedy. [1:52:49 AM] Toast: Then, in Bee Movie 4, [1:52:55 AM] Sol: IS TOAST CHUCK TINGLE [1:53:07 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: J A M E S [1:53:07 AM] Sol: IS HE USING THIS CHAT TO RUN BY ALL HIS IDEAS [1:53:10 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: NO BEE MOVIE FOUR [1:53:16 AM] Jarl Sex Party™: ENOUGH

[thegeminisage]

a long fucking post (sorry)

bc my browser quit so i just copied it into notepad and kept going and didn’t break it up bc frankly i couldn’t be bothered lol i’ve #struggled today anyway:

i...i dont have any stuff to make spicy food with?? oh my god..........

where do i even...find

lol i could go back to the plateau but i’d probably be Sad.

i guess i have no choice :/

wow i miss the old man

pfft i can see farosh from here but it’s so close i’d never make it in time

SOMEDAY /shakes fist

seeking out shelter from a lightning storm inside the ruined temple of time makes me Very Sad

man. man. there’s nothing i wouldn’t do to set this right

except the main story, i guess, hahaha

OMG A RAINBOW

just for a short moment i didn’t even have time for a picture...wow wow wow

all right i’ve got enough peppers and i’ve had MORE than enough of the plateau im outta here

i fast traveled back to that one shrine i couldnt figure out before

i realize now i was probably supposed to use my paraglider hahaha but i just didnt think of it

theres a chest in here that i cannot. get. oh my god

[death montage]

GOT IT

lol and all that for a little sword

BACK TO THE MOUNTAINS thank god i have a fast travel point now

and that’s all done! time for more of The Story

normally i’d cut this off here but it’s p short so far so w/e

except.......idk where to go next. i know i want to find the zoras, but

which...direction are they. like, i even googled it

i’ll ask my brother and attempt the naked island again while i wait. i read somewhere you can drop your stuff before you properly set foot on there and it helps a bit. plus it’ll be something he hasn’t done, haha

well, so far so good - i managed to drop a few of my best items and a  small amount of food - apples and raw fish - before i stepped on, but i forgot to drink the defense up elixir. i DID remember to eat the extra hearts food, though, and a good thing, bc i came on during a fucking storm in the middle of the night and nearly got killed by some weird yellow octorok popping up out of the ground. fine now tho, all out of extra hearts but other than that good - found some shrooms, a sword, and an axe

oh my god i hit a barrel and DIED bc there was an electric chuchu in it!!!

okay trying again...in the storm again...forgot to drink my defense bonus again...Greay

one orb down!!

lol and i died AGAIN bc i underestimated a bokoblin...i can't take out camps from afar with no arrows!! maybe i can try bombs next time, sigh

i hate getting out to this island

i hate everything ABOUT this island. it is deisnged to kill you. endless skeletons and fire chuchus are great if you need materials and weapons but the chuchus set everything on fire. and there are octoroks ringing the whole island AND on the actual island - there's no safe ground ANYWHERE!!

remembered to drink my elixir but nearly left the stuff i dropped floating in the ocean lol

one orb down AGAIN. 

gotta be a smarter way to do this bokblin camp on the hill. i can't take them all on at once and i can't detonate any of the explosive from afar with arrows, and bombs get me noticed. i can't take that swarm of enemies with no armor. no way.

YES camp down lmao i blew up the barrels with my own bombs since the fucking chuchus noticed me anyway

now i can COOK THINGS thank you thank you

YES now i have hearts up and attack elixirs!!!!

time to fight the blue hinox (:

HAHAHA WOW MY HEARTRATE IS SO JACKED RN

he has so much defense even with my elixir ;_; im too afraid to get close enough for an attack

i wish i had a defense booster!!

NO oh god a lightning storm now of all times!!! no!!!!!!

I CANT EVEN CLIMB THE CLIFFS TO ESCAPE HIM IN THE RAIN

oh my god can he follow me into the water...?

wow it's lightning for the next three hours what the fuck?

aaah the music stopped..he's laying back down...i hope his fucking health doesnt refill

i tried using chuchu jelly to make explosions but they didnt hurt him, only my weapons did bc of my elixir...but im sooo afraid to get close to him, if he kills me i have to do ALL this again

i wanna wait the storm out before i fight him again but i get the feeling the storm was triggered by him waking up bc it's nonstop lightning on the little forecast thingy

god there's not even anywhere to take shelter i just have to pray i dont get struck

yeah it changed back to normal rain as soon as he started snoring...he BETTER not have his health back

NOPE HE DOESNT BUT I GOT UP CLOSE TO HIM TO HIT HIM AND I'M SO SCARED LMAO MY HEART IS POUNDING SO HARD IM SO STRESSED

at least it isnt storming

nooo i hid in the water again and he slept and some of his health came back )))): i am never gonna get him, this is gonna take hours!

as if that wasnt bad enough there's another bokoblin camp with a MOBLIN on top of this big ledge

maybe i can get some arrows at least :/

good news: managed to cheese the bokoblin camp up top. have in my possesion 13 arrows. bad news: hinox is definitely back at full health rn

ok. so im up here where hinox can't actually go (i hope...) and i have my bombs and 13 arrows, plus all these extra bows and weapons and even a pot to cook some more stuff in. i can do this. i can do this.

ok he can't get up here he can't even hit me with projectiles but IMMEDIATELY the lightning started up again so lmao (:

luckily i have found the perfect position from which to roll bombs down at him lol

so this is only gonna take all year ASSUMING i dont get sturck by lightning.

no no no no no NO NO NO

the blood moon!!! why now!!! oh my god!!!!!! can ANYTHING go right oh my god!!!!!!!!!!

at least im far enough down on the ledge the camp up there cant see me

but i'll have to clear out the other one again if i ever manage to kill the hinox and get his orb

:| he keeps trying to go to sleep lol which. no bitch no more health for you jesus fuck

he can't get any of his rocks to land on me and only about every third bomb lands on him lol

his health is sooo low im so tempted to go down and take a swing w/ my weapon, but if i die now and lose all this progress i won't be able to deal so im gonna stay patient and cheese it til the bitter, bitter end

HAHAHAHAHA FINALLY

FUCKING EAT ME YOUR GARBAGE MONSTER GET W R E K T

I PERSEVERED!!!!!! STAYED DETERMINED okay now if not for the blood moon that'd be the end of it but no i gotta clean out that one camp AGAIN without dying

i can do this i can do this i can do this

i......i did it

all thats left is to drop my items and put in the last orb

oh my god!!!!

oh NO if you drop too many they start vanishing ok....choose carefully then

lol ALL THAT FOR A SHRINE TO SOLVE this better be one of those no-puzzle chest only deals

LMFAO i have to reclear the big camp to get in the shrine...oh my god...oh my god

ah well maybe i'll get some more shields i accidentally glitched all mine away

should be easy with all my stuff back

aaaand im stuck down here at the camp i cleared out bc its storming. at least the blue moblin got struck by lightning in a stroke of what i can only assume is divine justice

ok the storm has FINALLY passed

i am FINALLY inside the shrine and have a fast travel point

i got 300 rupees, which is garbage, and i got to watch that stupid monk turn to dust.

ooh whoa there's a rito out here!!!! hi!!!!!

lol a training course for flying...20 rupees a pop. now i know what the fucking chest was for. god.

ah i can't do the course and im so tired of failing at things...i guess i'll leave them for now altho i bet you get a SICK upgrade

no wait i looked it up and its just rupees LMAO no thanks

im never coming back to this fucking island ever again

also: forgot that i did not actually explore the sunken ruins earlier bc of Weather, am going to do that quickly before quitting

oh god oh no i landed right here and there's some fucking masked walking beast getting ready to attack me Why God

IT'S A CENTAUR I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEONE WITH A HORSE IT'S CALLED LYNEL WHY WHY WHY

god okay we're doing this i guess jesus fuck

if that wasn't bad enough farosh is flying above us LMAO and i still can't shoot him

I! KILLED HIM! bc i had a DEFENSE elixir

i wish i had snapped a better pic than his dying body tho :/

o h w e l l

oh!! i found a memory while exploring!!!!!

HAHAH HOOOOOLY SHIT

oh my god...oh my god...

so it was the four pilots of the original jaegers and two are dudes and two are ladies!!! so there was an even mix in the scene #nice

the voice acting was good and still so unexpected

and the MUSIC oh i love the music when he's remembering something

it felt like a scene from any zelda game, but one near the end—except i'm still at the start

it's so similar to how everyone like, rallied behind link at the end of tp to help him beat ganon, but...this time we already know link failed

god!!!!! this is so good!!!!

every time i find myself thinking "this is an amazing game but it just doesn't feel much like zelda" it comes back and gets me

aaaaaah

and i found a shrine here!!! #nice

altho i'd really like to be done for the night lol

it was super easy thank goodness

omg no the dragon flying earlier must have been naydra bc there naydra is :'))) hey bud

ah and i ran into kass the accordian playing rito again ;w;

anyway now that im FINALLY done with this pronvince tomorrow i can go find the zoras!! yay!!!!

fun fact my very first username was "[not my name, some random one, not telling what it was] of the zoras" bc i love them so much