#and basically came to the conclusion that any of the self-confidence i had gained in the past year was just delusion

[sob-dylan]

realistically i'm probably only happy with 30% of the dribble that comes out of my mouth.

[aotopmha]

FFXIV 6.4 spoilers:

MSQ: Some fantastic humour this time around.

Zero and the spice, Estinien and his training and the Loporrits and Zero all made for fantastic light-hearted scenes. (The 6.x patches in general have done really good humour, I think.)

The long talk with Azdaja was a solid pay-off and so were the twists surrounding Golbez – both Zero being a red herring and Zeromus instead being tied to Azdaja.

But I think for any aspect of a story to retain depth, you need to keep introducing new facets to it and while the humour and further exploration of the conflict with Garlemald were solid (in particular I really like how tough the process of "rebuilding" Garlemald is in every sense of the word, as it should be with a nation steeped in such a strong history of imperialism), I think you can really sense how much simpler the writing is in this current section of the story by the end of this patch.

The entirety of the 6.x patch narrative content has been equal parts jarring and welcome after the complexity of the expansion itself, but I think you really feel how much simpler everything is here, especially since I think 6.0 already did a more complex version of these themes.

I really like how the complicated aspects of Garlemald didn't just disappear after 6.0 and how there is still a sense it has a long way to go, but I also feel like it needs more than just asides in patch content to truly have a satisfying conclusion. I think it perhaps at least needs another story section tucked in somewhere in the content? (Perhaps Garlemald restoration?)

It's not uncommon to have simpler versions of the themes in the expansion explored in the patch content, but it always makes you to some extent hope/doubt what comes next would have more depth.

Despite feeling simpler, as a complete whole, I do think this MSQ chunk was very solid, though.

It had just enough spice for the simpler elements to not completely overtake it.

The finale of Pandemonium equally leaned on what I'd argue is the other defining element of Endwalker next to its themes: already existing material.

I'd even argue Endwalker's biggest defining trait for me is probably that its story doesn't really have nearly the same impact on its own as it does in context with what came before it, with the story leaning more into being like A Realm Reborn and Stormblood than Heavensward or Shadowbringers.

(I kind of hope 7.0 will once again be a more self-contained story while setting stuff up in the background like the latter two because I think at this point basically everything that came before has been resolved and continuing to lean on old stuff would simply feel stagnant/tiring/old and also not as compelling anymore. Once again, they are basically back to zero and have to put in the work for it all to pay off 10 years from now.)

I think it's pretty obvious Lahabrea was intended to be the star of Pandemonium and while his character certainly gained some good depth from it, Elidibus is the one I truly ended up invested in spanning the final part of the story because of the history already behind him.

I hated Athena for how she treated her son, but I hated her even more for how she used Themis.

Somehow even little bits of the character of Elidibus are automatically more compelling than Lahabrea.

And truth is, Erichtonios and Lahabrea do end up having complete arcs, which complete the timeloop, they're fine, it's just that I think Themis is better.

Same goes for Athena being an effective villain for the comparatively little time she gets to be on screen.

Lahabrea's positive growth of wanting to take responsibility for his actions and accepting the bad in him in this case made him the Ascian he became, adding this cyclic element to his story. Just like Eric's journey to gaining strength and confidence lead him to sending out the warning about Pandemonium and in turn Athena ended up mattering because of her wishes being tied to them and basically her "inventing" tempering as a result.

But how Elidibus was handled still ended up being the most powerful aspect of the Pandemonium story to me because I think everything we knew about him from the MSQ and the Pandemonium story itself ended up being relevant.

Him as the objective judge, as a character with a very strong sense of justice and duty, a good friend to your character and someone who already had everything taken from him by the Final Days were all aspects that ended up mattering in the conclusion.

In the end, none of the suffering of the ancients was for nothing because all of their actions paved the way to the present. Their struggles mattered because they lead to the current future and I think this is the strongest element of this final bit of story.

So much of this final bit of story was also sort of just listing plot elements. We finally learned what was up with the Heart of Sabik. And as said, we now pretty much have a (I think almost?) full picture of how tempering works and the entire timeloop is as complete as it possibly can be.

But a lot of it was stuck in expositional walls of text. Comparatively, everything surrounding Themis in this final leg of the story felt to me almost entirely about him as a character and his history with the WoL.

It was so surprisingly good to have something like this in something you'd consider a side story, only continuing the trend set by Omega and Eden and the huge amount of other side content.

I'd consider the raid stories in general to be weaker than a lot of the MSQ, but they always at least come together fairly well.

Finally, all of this leads me to the little story bits hinting to what comes next.

First, Erenville is most likely going to be at least a guide character for 7.0, giving us a connection to the new location (which I with 90% certainty think is Meracydia in the south).

Second, the Scions seem to be recieving "letters", we saw one for Krile and Thancred mentioning a client, meaning we might get connections to new locations via them, as well.

Third, related to Y'Shtola's thought process, we might get travel to the First earlier than we think, so Ryne and Gaia will probably play a bigger role in the last two patches, but also might join the adventure in 7.0.

(The entire plot thread leading from the Warring Triad to the ShB role quests to Eden to back to the 13th is an absolute masterstroke of writing to me at this point because it connects disparate-seeming stories so elegantly and naturally.)

And finally, the Heart of Sabik is still there. It wasn't destroyed with Athena.

It was confirmed to be cleansed of her influence, but out of all of these I can't help but feel this one is the start of another long-running plotline and the biggest potential Chekov's Gun.

The big picture stuff is absolutely fantastic here.

And putting everything together, I think this is all super solid narratively, like all of the 6.x patches have been. Not amazing like any of the .3 patches or slow like any of the .1 patches, but simply consistent throughout.

If anything, I'd just continue saying the same thing I've said about the entirety of the 6.x patch story series, that it's super appropriately told story for where we are in the narrative currently: a transition period from an old story arc to a new one that should let you chill a bit while quitely setting up for the future and tying up the final loose ends.

In that sense it has been absolutely fantastic.

[fedzkun]

Villain Hunt Arc Meta: All For One’s Horrific Guide to Methodically Breaking Down Your Local OFA Holder

Ft. Turning the ‘Overpoweredness’ of OFA into a Setback, and AFO’s Successful Manipulations Of Midoriya Izuku

In which I also give AFO too much credit for all the pain he’s probably caused, and theorize that his plans to break Izuku actually started getting enacted even before he’d escaped Tartarus.

(A.k.a. me loving the angst because this is really good angst writing, but also hating it because the manga doesn’t come with a Angst with A Happy Ending tag unless you count Izuku’s ‘this is the story of how I became the greatest hero’ which isn’t really a guarantee of happiness )

So. What an arc! In the span of ten chapters (starting from the end of the War arc) Hori delivered a full-on Villain-looking, Vigilante Midoriya Izuku. Congratulations, Horikoshi, for finally introducing Akatani Mikumo!

The fast pacing and lack of breather panels are so fitting for this arc truly. AFO never gave them a moment’s rest. Yes, from henceforth as he’d promised... It’s always going to be his turn.

Izuku is making amazing progress with unlocking the full power of One For All. In his words, his abilities might as well already be on par with what a healthier All Might could do, and with no recoil to boot. Plus, there’s only one last quirk to unlock. For villain fights, I don’t think we need to worry about him losing, or him breaking anymore bones at this time.

Which, some might argue, makes Izuku too ‘OP.’

To start with, I want to talk first about the ‘overpoweredness’ of the One For All quirk. It’s a wonderful quirk truly, having inspired and amazed so many because of its sheer power. Used well, it could grant instant victories and restore the people’s wavering faith to the heroes. Because with a quirk like that on your side, everything’s going to be alright, right? There’s always gonna be that bit of hope that something is still strong enough to stand against the looming evil...right?

Yeah. That’s what the people who’d lived under All Might’s Era of Peace thought so too. History repeats.

OFA’s ‘OP-ness’ is both a great blessing and a great burden.

Here are some points on how the narrative has made OFA's 'overpoweredness' a setback:

1. All For One—that bastard—exploits the urge that comes with OFA. Just as ‘AFO the quirk’s’ goal is to steal OFA, OFA’s job is to defeat AFO, and Izuku is sacrificing himself to its cause.

Here’s another thing I want to point out: The conclusion that the heroes drew about AFO planning to capture Midoriya Izuku alive? In rereading, I’m starting to believe it’s nothing but a mere assumption of his plans. Aside from the deal made with Lady Nagant—of which I think AFO didn’t take seriously anyway and set her up for failure— (and while we as readers are already aware of his true intentions to wear Izuku down) it’s weird that nowhere had AFO directly mentioned to Izuku that he’s going to kidnap him and take his quirk from him.

2. OFA made Izuku so brilliant (e.g. Pros and former Pros alike going “This kid...”) that they really can't help but place all their hopes on him. Sighs. In an ideal world, this would be a dream come true of Izuku getting his due credit for all his heroic achievements Pro heroes have started to do to Izuku what they’ve done all their lives to All Might--which is to put him on the pedestal, while they fall back to cover him like guards/safety net. Hence, falling back to the One Pillar Model mindset.

3. OFA makes Izuku untouchable, not only to the villains, but also to his allies. Prime material to reinforce isolation. And if Izuku doesn't want to be caught, he won't make it easy for either side.

4. OFA IS SUS AF, OKAY? What are the Holders doing?! While gaining access to them makes it easier and convenient to have personal trainers in handling OFA, the vestiges prove to add a lot to Izuku’s mental load. If they’d allowed Izuku to come to the point of being caked with blood and filth, they’re not doing very well at guiding him. Realize that most of their arc interactions with Izuku is Quirk Talk. They, of all people, should know how AFO’s machinations work! Hey First, for the love of god, warn Izuku! He’s showing so many signs of being manipulated that you should be picking up on. please /sobs ;;

Tbf, like, I’m pretty sure that the Holders haven’t been as mentally okay either, which would feed into Izuku’s current mindset.

Now that the setbacks have been listed, let’s dive in to AFO’s plans to toy with Midoriya Izuku.

PHASE 1: Pre-Tartarus Breakout

Speaking of OFA being sus, there’s something that has been niggling at the back of my mind.

All For One basically tells Izuku: “You were my main interest that entire time I was in prison”. So, to pass the time in Tartarus (since he can’t use any(?) of his quirks), AFO has been doing nothing but apparently daydreaming and designing a personal hell for the Ninth Holder during that entire period. HOWEVER, it also made me wonder…

…Even before he’d broken out, had AFO made any moves at all in enacting his plans to break Izuku?

Yeah?

And here’s the kicker: he says that before Blackwhip bursted out.

AFO is a master manipulator. Assuming that Izuku doesn’t have any latent AFO quirk (for whatever reason *coughs* maybe dfo if you're a believer) or that Quirk Singularity has anything to do with it, what is the trigger to Izuku suddenly having access to Blackwhip?

I’d argue that it is All For One himself.

Why? What’s his goal? If you notice during the Joint Training arc, Izuku is feeling pretty confident about his progress. He’s rather happy and feeling blessed, and he is making leaps and bounds with base power OFA.

AFO can’t have that. He can’t allow the Ninth Holder to become too emotionally stable, or else he’d have a stronger will. So by somehow activating Blackwhip, AFO makes Izuku feel like he hasn’t made any progress with his quirk at all. During the evaluations, Izuku mentions that he still needs a lot to work on, and while not all of it is visible, with the way he behaves, it’s pretty evident that his self-confidence has taken a rather large hit.

But, wait! If AFO had tampered with OFA during the JT arc, paving the way to unlocking the rest (like he’d also done during the War arc when he tried to ‘steal’ it then), then wouldn’t AFO be sabotaging himself since he’d be making Izuku a more formidable opponent?

Sure. Except that the quirks inside OFA are mostly useless when it comes to the mental part of the fighting. The only thing they’re useful for is for the current Holder to be able to play keep-away in the physical realm. And AFO could easily just find counters for those through his work on Tomura.

You know how else the situation becomes advantageous for AFO? With every quirk unlocked, Izuku’s goalposts keep on getting away from him, and Izuku will always feel like he isn’t ready or prepared enough. Izuku will push and push himself to master OFA to its fullest, to become more powerful, at the cost of his mental/emotional stability and physical wellbeing as he wears himself down.

And every time Izuku grew more powerful, and became more ‘OP,’ he is burdened with all the aforementioned setbacks that came with it. He could be the most powerful person in the world, but it’s all for naught if he doesn’t take care of himself. This plan is both a high risk and high reward on AFO’s part, and as of the moment, with a bloody Izuku staggering all over, AFO is visibly reaping these high rewards.

PHASE 2: Post-Tartarus Breakout

He’s going to toy with Izuku until Izuku fucking breaks. What follows is his series of actions that instills the desired responses from Midoriya Izuku. Let’s see how the master manipulator plays this game of chess, shall we?

Izuku’s plan: Reach out to villains and try to save them.

AFO’s counter: Kill off those who turn their back against villainy and/or acknowledge Izuku as a true hero.

Izuku’s resulting response: Stop reaching out to villains. Gain an instant victory and move on.

After all, what do you get when you block a hero from showing sympathy? You get an unfeeling living weapon.

---

Izuku’s plan: Work with the top pro heroes to bring down AFO.

AFO’s counter: Make plans that will serve to highlight how the top pros are just slowing Izuku down. (e.g. Making moves while it’s raining, so as to divide them, but also to bring out No. 1 Hero Endeavor’s "slowness" in the rain. Nope, I don’t think that’s a throwaway line at all.)

Izuku’s resulting response: Grows more reckless, often leading the charge.

---

Izuku’s plan: Track AFO down.

AFO’s counter: Lead them to dead-ends. Or when they do supposedly reach something, endanger them.

Izuku’s resulting response: His tunnel vision worsens, as he grows more desperate.

---

Izuku’s plan: All Might following him around is okay since it would help All Might from worrying so much, and Izuku could simultaneously keep an eye on and protect All Might.

AFO’s counters: There are a lot to really fuck with this bond, damn you AFO.

Taint that passing the torch memory of ‘You’re Next.’

Declare that All Might no longer interests him. Liar. He outright stated before that he’s one for keeping a grudge

Send another assassin to Izuku [Underlying Message: You yourself are a walking danger zone to those whom you dearly care for.]

Izuku’s resulting response:

Interpret that memory of ‘You’re Next’ as taking up the position of being AFO’s shiny new plaything, and therefore supposedly sparing All Might from the torment (Unfortunately, making Izuku push AM away is just part of the torment ;A;)

Think that AM is no longer in the direct line of fire as long as AFO focuses on Izuku

Finally, push his last line of morale support away, and completely isolate himself.

Btw, I wonder how All Might feels about Izuku using Nana's quirk to get away from him.

---

The suffering doesn’t end.

Izuku’s plan: Save people.

AFO’s counters: (possibly offscreen) Send more villains and assassins to torment Izuku some more with the knowledge that he can’t save them. Sending villains out also puts innocents in danger.

Izuku’s resulting response: He won’t stop for anything. He won’t sleep, won’t eat, won’t slow down. He will always do his best to save as long as someone is in danger.

His body will keep on moving and moving and MOVING on its own.

--- All For One is very effective as a supervillain. He has managed to make the heroes think that his only goal is to capture Izuku alive for his quirk. He has Izuku right where he wants him: dancing to his tune at the palm of his hand, utterly toyed with, left with no escape in sight.

Psychologically vaulted.

.

.

.

PHASE 3

And so, if Izuku is being manipulated to drive himself further and further into self-destruction, what then is there left for All For One to do?

So much more. Because, my god, I think AFO has mastered the art of traumatizing the OFA Holders.

All For One once told All Might, “I will destroy all that you’ve protected.” And boy, is he delivering. He's definitely not done with AM btw.

First, he destroys All Might's image. And he is manipulating Izuku to drive himself to that point. To looking into his absolute worst.

And when that point arrives, AFO will hammer the final nail home.

Something like...

BEHOLD

JAPAN’S SYMBOL OF PEACE.

And oh, how it'll hurt. To see All Might's pride and joy be flaunted about as looking nothing like a hero to the masses, for him to be so utterly humiliated.

"See what I did to All Might's successor."

AFO will be banking upon the possibility that the angry masses will not want to be saved by whom they're tricked into viewing as someone that's the cause of all the pain. Izuku might have the willpower to stay true to his resolve, but with him on the verge of total breakdown, what would happen when he is shunned by the very people he is trying to help?

I once wrote a post about how the current events seem to be a bastardization of Izuku's wildest fantasies: he's working with the top pros, he has the most powerful quirk, and he's working with All Might (whom technically acts as a sidekick to him rn).

AFO has warped all that into a never-ending nightmare. And Izuku...

Izuku is really in need of saving.

Last thoughts:

Let me just say that it shouldn't be a competition about who gets to get through to Izuku. Right now, he’s gonna need all the help he can get, and it can’t be delivered by only one or two people. Saving Izuku is going to be a team effort, a solid support system that sees Izuku as their classmate/friend/student/actual person that they care about. And there’s sufficient space for that.

More hands reaching out means more chances to catch him if he falls.

[buffaloborgine]

Of Zack Fair, Genesis Rhapsodos and the strange narrative POV of FFVII-Crisis Core (Part IV conclusion)

Part I: https://buffaloborgine.tumblr.com/post/650462647672766464/of-zack-fair-genesis-rhapsodos-and-the-strange

Part IVb: https://buffaloborgine.tumblr.com/post/657521891798614016/of-zack-fair-genesis-rhapsodos-and-the-strange

_______________________________________

Warning: As always, I copy paste this warning over and over just in case you ignore it and keep reading down.

“This series is very controversial, it may not fit with what you know or remember about Crisis Core. So please, read the former parts (I did put the link to Part I in case you are new reader) before putting your foot further down below.”

Also, as a new issue rising with this part, I emphasize this again READ THE OTHER PARTS. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, I put that phrase like two times in just this warning.

P/s: I welcome all kind of discussion. I love discussion. But this subject is an OBJECTIVE subject, please make sure to keep your bias and prejudice out of discussion, also, I don’t welcome character dissing or using fallacies in arguments, thank you.

_______________________________________

Summary of part IVa and IVb:

- Zack’s POV has a lot of misleading aspect, it makes you deliberately choose to look away from the bigger problem and focus on the smaller but more appealing problem to your eyes.

- Sephiroth, whether he really makes an astounding achievement in the Wutai War or not, is still used as a propaganda by Shinra to lure in new recruits for the war. This process was repeating over and over, and since Shinra treat SOLDIER members with inequality, there is not a single other SOLDIER gets the privilege to be hailed as “Hero” like Sephiroth.

- Genesis, Angeal, Sephiroth, Lazard, and of course the whole SOLDIER department along with President Shinra know about this unfair working ethic circling around. But they developed different reactions towards the situations, resulting in Genesis leading a large group of 2nd and 3rd to go rebelling against Shinra (with the secret help of Lazard) while the others stay loyal to Shinra (like Sephiroth), or eventually coming up to their own demises through paradoxical ideology (like Angeal).

So the final problem of this part is: Why are most of us feeling alright with all of these above?

Please take this into account when you think about this problem: Crisis Core was the last release of the Compilation, I mean, the team released three games (FFVII Original, Before Crisis and Dirge of Cerberus), one movie (Advent Children), two novels (On the Way to a Smile and The Children are Alright) ahead of Crisis Core. Even if you don’t have access to the novels and Before Crisis, you would have at least playing through OG/DoC or watched Advent Children, right? Then the team of writers/directors have established “Shinra is an evil company” in your head. This fact was repeated over and over throughout all the Compilation.

But then…

You came to Crisis Core.

And you became like a new player.

You suddenly, abruptly forgot that “Shinra is an evil company”.

Without you recognizing it, you felt that working for Shinra may be fine…

You have become Zack.

But, halt there for a second. If you have read all through this theory, and I thank you for doing so, you would be having two types of reaction:

- You feel like “Yeah, I did suspect that. I mean, it doesn’t feel right as I played through the game.”

- You feel like “Why didn’t I notice this before?”

And you would be surprised that the more you think you know about FFVII before you reach Crisis Core, you have higher chance to fall to the second option. New players, who only entered the fandom for a short while, or played Crisis Core as their very first game to get on with FFVII will fall for the first option.

This is a result of an effect called as “Dunning-Kruger effect”.

Dunning-Kruger effect is a hypothetical cognitive bias stating that people with low ability at a task overestimate their ability. Notably, the bias results from an internal illusion in people of low ability and from an external misperception in people of high ability; that is, “the miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others”.

With players who have had a lot of time with the franchise before Crisis Core, Dunning-Kruger effect happened when they spent time with other parts and thought that they have understood most of what are represented in FFVII, thus, they came to Crisis Core, thinking confidently that “Yeah, I know the basic set up of the story, I know this, I know that, so nothing can really surprised me.” This thinking eventually leading to them not paying enough attention at the details hidden in plain sight, like, yeah, you know Shinra is evil, and Zack was still thinking that working for Shinra is right, and then you think that whoever opposed Zack must be bad, while you didn’t recognize that you are also saying whoever opposing Shinra is bad. Just thinking like the writers/directors dug a very big hole right in front of your eyes with all stuff released before Crisis Core, you saw them doing so, but yet you still step into that hole.

With players who came to Crisis Core after they go through Remake, well, then they literally have very little knowledge about FFVII. They came to Crisis Core to gain more knowledge, but, problem is, they already have the bias from Remake. I mean, who really don’t get any info from the fandom? In example, with that “Sephiroth is just a victim, him burning down Nibelheim is just a tantrum” circling around the fandom, they easily get the prejudice that “Sephiroth was just a victim, he is not guilty of anything”, while in fact, Sephiroth burning down Nibelheim was because he thinks he is the last surviving Cetra, he was superior over humans and the he was destined to ruled over the Planet, and to be fair, you can’t say that “burning the whole town and murdering the people there just because of believing oneself to be superior than the others” is not guilty. The misconception echoing throughout the fandom, or fanon, usually got to the new players faster than the canon itself. Therefore, without a proper checking, these new players suffered the Dunning-Kruger effect, they tend to believe in what they read/hear from other people in the fandom with too much confidence that they don’t even check it for themselves, resulting in the misunderstanding of Crisis Core’s problem.

However, if you are an old fans or a recently new player who just played Remake and came to Crisis Core, and still feel that the narrative here is a bit weird, then congratulation, you have dodged the Dunning-Kruger effect. Yay!

After all, I can’t claim that my writing in this whole theory thing is right. It’s all just my speculation, and I won’t force you to accept my speculation. I wrote this all out is for discussion.

And yet, there are more to discuss about the narrative of Crisis Core, although, if you read up to this point of this theory, you have to admit that the writers/directors of Crisis Core played you like a fiddle. They know how you would look upon the game, and they actually wrote it in a way to fool you.

_______________________________________

Thanks for coming to my Ted-Talk. I will see you next time, with a different problem to discuss.

Part Va: https://buffaloborgine.tumblr.com/post/658885243477032960/of-zack-fair-genesis-rhapsodos-and-the-strange

[ancientstone]

Photo I.D.: Screenshots of two anon asks, the bottom image, the first ask, says: “So I've begun rewatching TUA for the millionth time because the world is a nightmare and I need a distraction, and anyway I feel like I'd never really noticed before that Five never has a weapon on his person. Like, in the Apocalypse when he was the literal last person alive he was armed and ready to go, but in Griddy's he goes in unarmed and leaves unarmed. What do you make of that? Is it confidence in his ability to protect himself? Or does it signal he really is over fighting unless necessary?”

The top image, the second ask, says: “Hey! It's me, the person! I'm so excited, muse away!! I just really wanted your take on it because I feel you get how Five's brain works better than any other writer I've seen. Also it just really stood out to me, I guess especially because not only was he taken by surprise at Griddy's (them finding him sooner than he expected) but he could've literally helped himself to any of the weapons now knowing he was already a target. Just interesting. Anyhoo yay I can't wait to see your thoughts!” End photo I.D.

~~~

Right, now I’ve had time to give this proper thought, I’m going to answer this very interesting question in a ramble-y, completely incoherent way!

(Also thank you so much anon ❤❤❤ You’re too kind!!)

Why doesn’t Five carry a weapon in 2019/60s, but he does in the apocalypse?

Age:

Apocalypse Five is, ultimately, a kid.

Things are scary as a kid, and in the apocalypse there are always things moving, breaking, and crumbling all around you. When you’re on your own in the kind of environment with constant periodic noise, it’s really easy to imagine something/someone is there (speaking from personal experience in woods at night - if you give your imagination the chance it will make you believe all kinds of creatures are out there!) 

So tiny Five would have been spooked a lot, and for a while probably didn’t realise he was the only person left alive either, so keeping something on him was a reasonable thing to do to keep himself safe.

Side thought: He could also be armed in the apocalypse to kill rats? When we first get to see an apocalypse flashback at the end of s1ep1, a rat runs across the road in front of him, so at least a few survive. And when you kill things like that, you kinda have to gut them, so having a blade on hand to do that with quickly away from camp was probably a must. Yum.

So then he arrives in 2019 and the 60s.

Here he’s an adult, so he knows better than to jump at shadows. This gives him less of a motive to carry a blade for the sake of keeping the unknown things at bay.

Five is, however, also being chased by the Commission. So while this might be a factor into it, it’s probably not the sole reason. That’s more likely...

Mentality and Physical Capability:

Five is, when he pops back into the living world of 2019, far more skilled than his child self ever was.

Evidence: I mean, Five’s probably been bopping around the Academy since he could crawl, however when Five’s trying to show Reginald that he’s ready to time travel, he goes “I’ve been practicing my spatial jumps just like you said!” and then just...blinks to the other end of the table with a pleased “See?!”

Like, boy, that’s one end of the table to the other, that really shouldn’t be the heart of your argument here.

Also is it me or are Five’s kid jumps slower? Am I imagining that? The one at the dinner table certainly is in s1, and comparing that to the dinner scene in s2 with Veginald-Reginald, it looks like he becomes quicker.

2019/60s Five has more time to train and understand his abilities, to the point where he’s completely comfortable with using them in a fight to gain the upper hand.

E.g. Five vs the Swedes, Five vs Lila, the Griddy’s shootout, Gimbel Brothers

Five doesn’t often use his powers to get himself weapons, though, see the examples above.

Instead, he uses them to get himself into the middle of the fight. He could’ve easily swiped up one of the guns at Griddy’s, or have taken one of the guns from the dead Commission agents outside the barn to shoot Lila, but he doesn’t.

I think the reason Five doesn’t carry a weapon is because he is the weapon.

Which, when you think about it, ties nicely into this little exchange:

“You made me a killer!”

“You were always a killer, I just pointed you in a direction.”

Of course, he does take weapons, such as the the axe at the assassination, but more often than not we seen him kill with his bare hands (snapping necks) or with the things around him (his tie, a mop, and a pencil at Griddy’s, a glass dish to stop Diego and Hazel fighting, a metal pole when he fights Lila.)

Actually that probably stems from being in the apocalypse - Using the resources at hand to get you through a situation. There were likely times Five had to quickly bundle things together and work through something fast, so for him it’s probably second nature to just look around his environment and go: cool, what can I use?

Basically: Why would Five carry something to kill when he’s perfectly capable of doing it his damn self?

HOWEVER!

This ask also got me thinking about how Five is extremely reliant upon his powers to help him zip in and out of fights, and when he doesn’t have them the outcome of those fights are often less likely to go in his favour.

See:

Hazel and Cha-Cha find him at Gimbel Brothers - His powers run out, resulting in him being injured and cornered until a stroke of luck lets him hide

The Swedes attack Five at the Majestic 12 meeting - Five gets beaten and flung around like a rag doll, and required Lila’s intervention to save him

Five vs Lila/Five vs Five - These are interesting because they show that, when the odds are evenly matched (i.e. Lila also has the same powers as him, therefore cancelling out his advantage, or he’s against himself), he’s far more likely to struggle and lose (like he did in the barn). With Five vs Five, there was no obvious winner, and if the fight had been allowed to continue it’s probable that whoever came out on top did so out of luck rather than skill.

This is different from, say, Diego, who can just chuck a blade from a distance if needs must.

Not having anything on him means that Five doesn’t have the luxury of getting distance between him and the enemy while still causing damage, making him much more vulnerable at close range when his powers give up on him and has to rely on his strength alone. Again this plays into his resourcefulness with using the things around him.

Actually, this problem was likely less of an issue when he was in his adult body, because despite being older he was more physically capable of matching height/strength/energy. I wonder if Five struggled in the non-power fights we see here all the more because he’s now in the body of a teenager, and therefore has even less to rely on.

As Five says, he ended up in “This twip of a body.”

Conclusion ~ tl;dr ~

Five doesn’t have a weapon because he is the weapon, however he’s super reliant on his powers being part of that, so when they’re gone he’s at risk of being overpowered and taken down.

Conclusion, part 2

Hargreeves get your damn brother like a pointy stick or something jeez

[deadinsidedressage]

Boarding Update: New Digs & Lessons Learned 

Well, November to early December was an interesting time for Mitzy and I. 

Out of the blue one night during the beginning of Nov, my (now former) BO came up to me and told me I needed to find new boarding for my horse. That was a massive shock to me as my understanding of how our time there had been going didn’t give any indication we had anything remotely close to an issue. I’d not personally had any issues handling my horse and hadn’t heard of anything from the BO about her or her husband having a contrary experience. I had also explicitly written into my boarding contract that I wanted to be told of any difficulties in handling her so that I could address those in my training sessions with her. I had asked on countless occasions “Oh, how has Mitzy been for you guys?” and been told resoundingly how great she was.  /dnr

To then be told my horse was no longer welcome and that she’d reportedly been dangerous to handle was a huge slap to the face. I could hardly form a coherent thought at the time but did ask “How long has this been going on and why wasn’t I told earlier?”. Well I get a “We don’t tell boarders every little thing that their horse does” as a response before she launches into how apparently my horse was also destroying fences. I’m out there nearly daily, at least 6 days a week, and had never seen the fences in a state of disrepair. Maybe the chicken wire was bowed out a little, but that’s about it. Again, I ask how long has this been happening and why wasn’t I told. Allegedly “the whole time” and she’s tired of “fixing things my horse breaks”. If my horse was dangerous, I should be told immediately. Considering I’ve not had any issues leading my horse or handling my horse I’m not sure what I would’ve done to “fix” the behavior but I would’ve done something. Even if that something was only offering myself to personally do turnout for her. If my horse is damaging fences to such an extent, I should be told. I would’ve been happy to pay for fence repairs & offer my labor as well. 

The more information I try to get the more the picture is coming together of my horse not being the issue (thank God). “Well you know how difficult she is to halter”--- no, my horse self-halters. “You know how she can be”--- no, I know my horse to be extremely easy to handle on the ground for a 2 year old. “Well since Fendi freaks out, she’s been galloping around, rearing, and bucking when it’s time to go in for dinner and she reared up on my husband when he tried to halter her today since I grab Fendi so he can get Mitzy and bring her in at the same time”--- your not a horse person husband is who has to go and get a 2 year old who is amped up by another frantic horse? After you’ve assured me that you or the girl in your employ would be the people to handle my horse since I was concerned about that? That seemed like a sound idea in your head?

I can’t discount the fact that all it takes for a situation to be unsafe is for the handler to feel it’s unsafe. If they’ve decided my horse is dangerous for them to handle then it doesn’t matter how she handles for myself, my friends, or experienced horse people. She’s dangerous for them. She self-halters if you stand at her side, but sure she’ll freak out if you come head on. She’s extremely easy to handle, but if she spooks it’s big and you need to not get scared of that. Or if she’s being feisty you just need to be confident in shutting it down and know how to handle a hot horse. She’s a 2 year old decently hot WB who recently shot up in size, it doesn’t matter how comparably easy she is to other 2 year old WBs if you’ve never handled one before. 

So, knowing I couldn’t necessarily get her out immediately I offered a few solutions. A) Keep her stalled 24/7 until she moves or B) I can take her out in the morning and bring her in at night. “Keeping her in won’t fix her attitude.” Oh... so there’s the rub. There’s a fundamental misunderstanding in how we view horses and handling them. It’s not just unsafe for you to handle my horse because she’s big and you’re unfamiliar with hotter types, you believe in dominance theory and will hurt yourselves thinking you can be more stubborn than a 1200lb horse. Well, I can bring her in and out then. “She’s only a problem in the evenings.” Okay... well I will have her back in her stall everyday by this time. “I mean if you’re there that’s fine, but we can take her in.” ...Is this a horse you’ve labeled dangerous or is it not? Are you not kicking us out because you don’t think she’s safe to handle or not? 

Well... luckily I secure new boarding pretty quickly but unfortunately it takes 3 weeks to move her. Not because that’s when the stall was open but because I’ve never had the opportunity to trailer train my horse. Takes three weekends of trying to get her in a trailer, hiring a shipper so we can get a bigger trailer, some dorm gel to take the edge off, and a literal crew of people to essentially walk her in a foot at a time. In the meantime, before the stars aligned and she finally went in a trailer, I am bringing my horse in before dinner and dealing with increasingly hostile behavior from my (now former) BO and some of the other boarders! 

The whole situation has been absolutely bonkers to me because when I shipped her up to this facility I was under the impression that the BO was confident handling young horses. For the longest time everyone would love on her whenever they saw her, always calling her “the baby”, and the BO’s husband in particular would “smuggle” treats to her throughout the day (encouraged by me honestly). Retroactively, I can now see that at the point my horse sprouted up about a hand and had gained a deal more fitness from all her in-hand work... suddenly she was avoided like the plague. I also don’t understand why at no point was I told they had concerns handling my horse, especially around dinner time. I would not cared if my horse came in an hour early everyday so that they didn’t have to compete with the other horse that’s problematic to bring in. Which personally would’ve been the solution that was apparent to me as someone who has worked at a few barns. I also don’t understand how the horse who is a little too hyped up being brought in at dinner is somehow a worse horse to board than the _other _horse who gets crazy at dinner but also needs to be hobbled every single night so she can be stalled (otherwise she does her best to literally bring the walls down). If you’ve found a solution for that horse’s issues (bringing her in first & then hobbling her) then why is there no solution for my horse? 

Had I know my horse was being handled by the BO’s husband at a point where her behavior is likely to be less than predictable I wouldn’t have been okay with it. I would’ve volunteered myself to bring her in if it wasn’t possible to simply have them bring her in early. I’d already repeatedly asked to know when the BO was gone at a show so I could bring my horse in from turnout because I did not trust a non-horse person with my 2 year old. No matter how well behaved I think she is, she needs someone who knows horses. 

As far as issues with other boarders, they certainly was a contingency of people who seemed to purposefully slam the crossties into the wall when I was in the arena because it would spook my horse. Or similarly see that something was spooking my horse, make eye contact with me, and keep doing it. One woman very plainly made anything she did take about 3 times longer and be 10 times louder than normal if I was trying to work my horse. Notably suddenly choosing to pick out her horse’s paddock (the barn doesn’t do that and I was the only person who they’d ever had who’d asked if they could do that) while I was having some success loading & making such a ruckus that we lost all progress we’d been making. Was it everyone at the barn? No, but there were a few people being very pointed in their behavior and I think it legitimately came down to ye olde Western vs. English superiority complex. Since clearly I should be punished for my 2 year old not being dead quiet like all the semi-retired Quarter Horses. 

I think honestly, that’s the entire problem of why we ran into this. This was never a boarding facility I intended to work long-term, I wanted to move Mitzy in the Spring to the barn she’s at now... but I think it ended prematurely comes down to the discipline clash. I think the BO, her family, and the boarders who are her personal friends just have extremely different expectations for how a 2 year old should behave than what I do and what the people I work for do. It’s still standard for AQHA/APHA/AHC to not only have horses under saddle at 2, but to be in a pretty rigorous show schedule (futurities require horses to be started at 18mo). A lot of people think TBs/QHs/QH types mature “faster” than other breeds. The way I’ve learned to regard young horses and the industry standard I accept for starting young horses doesn’t view 2 year olds as adults. Nor are 3 year olds treated to the same stanard as say an 8 year old. Do I absolutely expect basic ground manners and developing in-hand skills? Yes, but I also anticipate 2-4 year olds to be unpredictable! So I’m never surprised when they try to jump out of their skin when a leaf falls too close to them. 

I am trying to see this as a learning experience and I think what I’ve learned from this is you really, really need to be compatible in your approach to expectations and handling as your boarding facility (no matter how temporary you plan for that situation to be). There are a lot of glaring issues with the magic of hindsight that point to this being an inevitable conclusion. I am really glad with where she’s at now! She’s at a dressage training/lesson barn that she’ll go into the program there once she starts under saddle. For now I’m just happy to be at a place where I can relax and enjoy my horse again--- plus I can take lessons at

[xaviersystem]

7 Day Prayer Miracle Review Amanda Ross (2020)

7 Day Prayer Miracle by Amanda Ross

Does it Work?

Almost everyone is familiar with the word Prayer, as well as the concept of Prayer. So when we come across someone offering a 7 Day Prayer Miracle, it is possible to have some questions popping up in the minds of people. Does it work? Is it effective? Why it is so popular? So I thought of bringing this blog 7 Day Prayer Miracle Review — Does it work?

So before we proceed, here is a synopsis about the product:· 

Product: 7 Day Prayer Miracle Review· 

Author: Amanda Ross· 

Bonus: Yes· 

Official Website: 7dayprayermiracle

What Will You Get From 7 Day Prayer Miracle?

Here in 7 Day Prayer Miracle coaching, you get a shocking tragedy that manifests itself in a great blessing.

It contains a prayer composed of four sentences. This helps approximately many ordinary people to highlight the miracles of health, finances, and relationships.

This miracle program gets related to the secrets of Archangel Michael. Hence, you get a blazing stream of miracles.

You get heavenly wisdom to show the fairy tale. This helps to choose the best pair of dreams.

It helps to boost your life. And you can spread your wings and move on to the next level.

You experience good, irreversible changes in your life by this guidance. There is no place for negativity in your life.

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Manifesting Miracles by Using Prayer

When The Secret first came out, it renewed hope in millions of people for manifesting the things that would make their lives more livable. A few years on, most of those millions have lost hope, again. The “Law of Attraction” seemed to be missing something.

More than 2,500 years ago, the Prophet Daniel discovered a method of prayer that worked miracles and gave him prophetic visions of the future. Not only was he able to save his own life and that of all the wise men of Babylon, he told the king what he had dreamed and then told him what the dream meant.

We now know why the Law of Attraction works when it does. We also know why the prayers of most people don’t work. This knowledge is power — the power to manifest miracles at will. The 7 Day Prayer Miracle program contains distilled wisdom that details the differences between the two halves of reality so you can know where you stand in relationship to heaven.

Never before have we had such clarity in understanding about how prayer and miracles work. Yes, this is exciting stuff.

Imagine taking the guesswork out of your life. Imagine setting a path and having it appear right in front of your eyes. Prayer done the right way is the most powerful tool we could ever imagine.

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How the Course Can Help You

Well, the course has:

1. Verified Techniques:

The big problem we’ve had with programs like “positive thinking” or “law of attraction” is that they remained vague on how to get to the desired state of mind. There was too much “pie-in-the-sky,” feel-good stuff that didn’t have a sufficient connection to the real world.

The 7 Day Prayer Miracle requires that you develop and exercise the ability to achieve the proper feelings for delivering prayers that match your conscious thoughts. The course shows you exactly how to do this with several, step-by-step exercises. This has been the area of disconnect in so many other programs

The exercises in this course raise your critical awareness of your environment and your own internal feelings so you can know when you’re aiming your prayer correctly.

2. Establishes Within You the Proper Skills:

The reason why the 7 Day Prayer Miracle works and has so many enthusiastic testimonials is because of the deep, spiritual understanding behind it — an understanding grounded in science and critical thinking.

No matter what your starting point, you will find yourself moving further from “lack” all the way to “abundance” — not merely physical abundance, but spiritual abundance of unconditional love, utter humility, perfect responsibility and fearless confidence. The map has been laid out. All you have to do is to walk the path.

The 7 Day Prayer Miracle is not only about wealth, health and relationships. It repairs the basic issues in your thinking and attitudes that would otherwise prevent effective prayer and, all too often, result in self-sabotaging behavior that spoils any gains you may make. All of these pitfalls have been handled.

Needless to say, the spiritual half of reality has its own rules and quite often doesn’t work at all like the physical half. This program is the manual for understanding what’s different and how to use those differences to your own benefit.

Because we each have our own set of bad habits, the course book covers a broad range of exercises to strengthen your awareness of your own thoughts, attitudes, intentions and — most importantly — your subconscious “feeling” attention. The 7 Day Prayer Miracle does these things far better than any book or program we’ve seen before.

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3. Proper Preparation:

No amount of thinking will ever accomplish anything truly worthwhile. Thought is a useful tool, but it’s only the starting point. And you can’t fix a great dinner in a dirty kitchen.

Bad habits and bad attitudes can cloud your spiritual vision and prevent your message from reaching heaven.

It’s a bit like 50 very loud people shouting while you’re trying to talk to someone on your cell phone. Sometimes, you can’t even hear yourself think.

The 7 Day Prayer Miracle helps you clear out not only bad habits, but also the daily garbage of stuck attention on little crimes we all commit from time to time — like being late for work, not taking out the garbage, forgetting about a commitment we’ve made, and more.

Becoming more aware of our stuck attention points, we can actively clean them up and ensure that our prayers make a direct, clear connection to heaven.

4. Reliability and Dependability:

By having you acquaint yourself more thoroughly with your own mind, ego and spirit, you will find yourself capable of using every part of each prayer with precision skill and powerful, spiritual effect.

Like a ship finally allowed to leave sight of land, you will enter spiritual territory you never knew existed. You will come to think of your body as merely your current vessel. And the control switches of physical reality will seem as real and natural as any physical device you’ve ever mastered.

>>> Tap or Click Here to Discover the Magical 4 Sentence Prayer That Instantly Grants Your Heart’s Fiercest Desires <<<

The Course Contents of 7 Day Miracle

Learn how to Grabbing The Attention of Heaven ( The ebook that gives you a crash course on your relationship to the spiritual world, to God and to His angels, and how to exercise your ability to connect directly to heaven).

· A Prayer Journal (a PDF journal that includes 7 prayers for 7 days, designed to give you miracle results).·

  · Divine Hearing — How to Recognize Crucial Messages from Your Angels (The ebook that helps you recognize messages from your angels).

· Divine Numbers — How to Interpret Angelic Sequences and Unleash Their Blessings (ebook that helps you interpret sequences of numbers and individual numbers like 11:11, 555, etc).

· The Prayer of Daniel (a handy, 1-page reprint of the biblical prayer that Prophet Daniel was using to achieve his miraculous results. This is the template upon which all effective prayer is based).

· A Song of Shifts (MP3 file, angelic music, using the “miracle frequency.” If you like, this can be played while you are performing your own prayers to help enter the theta wave band of meditative thought — the prayerful state of mind)

· Chances are you would be quite amazed to have so much content included for such a reasonable price.

>>> Tap or Click Here to Start the 7 Day Prayer Miracle <<<

Features of the 7 Day Prayer Miracle Course· 

When you have the power of prayer, you never have to be worried again.

· Once you learn how to pray, prosperity flows in to you from an infinite source

· The 7 Day Prayer Miracle shows you how to choose the right option

· You learn to cultivate the right feelings all the time. When you learn to have the right feeling, things seem to go very right.

· Life suddenly becomes perfect, almost all the time.

· With prayer you can invite better health and healing for your body

· Boost Your Love Life With Prayer

>>> Tap or Click Here to Discover the Magical 4 Sentence Prayer That Instantly Grants Your Heart’s Fiercest Desires <<<

7 Day Prayer Miracle Testimonials

From the website of 7 Day Prayer Miracle, here is a reproduction of the testimonials of some of the individuals:

“I was only 5 days away from being declared a bankrupt. Almost all my savings gone. I then stumbled on to Amanda’s teaching. Just 2 prayers later, the bank actually cancelled my debt. Holy smokes, this works!” — Leanne R.

“I had terrible, terrible fights with my husband and I was on the verge of leaving him… Then one day I stumbled on to Amanda’s writings. I consumed it, prayed the prayers and now not only has my marriage been restored — the relationship sizzles in a way not seen since the honeymoon.” — Jane A.

“I’d always wanted to connect to the divine and talk to angels, but I never could. After the 7 Day Prayer Miracle, it was almost a suffocating blanket was removed. I can even now feel the breath of God and delve into the secrets of the universe.” — May R.

“I was left destitute by my cheating husband. He left me with my 2 young kids and moved in with his mistress half his age. After going through the 7 Day Prosperity Miracle, cheques suddenly came in the mail. There was sudden mysterious deposits in my bank account. Now, I have more than enough for me and my children to live a good life.” — Miranda A.

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Conclusion

The 7 Day Prayer Miracle is a complete system that’s more comprehensive than virtually every other book in this genre… Of course, the number of pieces alone is not enough. Each piece needs to be valuable and worth your time.

7 Day Prayer Miracle takes control of your life to improve. It has already helped approximately 100,000 women and men to fulfill the purpose of their lives.

You have a great opportunity to take the first step of a new movement. It comes with a 100 percent money back guarantee.

If for some reason, you are not satisfied with this program, the money will be refunded immediately. This is the claim of the seller organization. You have nothing to lose except for problems.

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>>>Get Instant Access to 7 Day Prayer Miracle <<<

7-day Prayer Miracle

SOURCE: https://youtu.be/iHEUgA_4eSA

[that70sbitchsstuff]

Is it just me or does anyone want to see a crossover between That 70s Show and the ranch. Like honestly I REALLY shkp Jackie and Rooster, I mean how can I not they would make the cutest couple. Imagine this, after season 8 Jackie breaks up with Fez, gets the hell out of point place and goes on a road trip to find something better, something new. Along the way she realised that she's basically broke and finds a small town named garrison. She arrives there at 6am and finds a bar named Maggie's with a help wanted sign, she goes in, walks up to the lady behind the bar and says... "Hey, look I'm just going to be blunt and say I'm normally not caught dead in places like these, but I'm really desperate and need a job and the sign outside says you need my help, so is there a manager I can talk to or something"Jackie said in a somewhat rushed and desperate voice.

The lady looks somewhat offended but also a little amused by Jackie's desperate tone, she didn't look like someone who was strapped for cash, in fact she look really young around 19 or 20. She had, her raven hair curled perfectly,her make-up done to a tee and she was certainly dressed to impress, in nee length leather boots, blue jeans tucked underneath and a clearly expensive red off the shoulder, only slightly baggy sweater and all of this to accommodated by a very pretty face with doll like features, she had big mismatched eyes one brown,one blue, full pouty lips, high cheeks bones but you could see that the girl was hurting underneath her innocent eyes. So the woman looked her up and down, raised her eyebrow, smirked and said....

"What in the hell makes you think ANYONE is gonna hire you with that attitude. Also do you even have the qualifications to work at a bar." The lady said in a thick southern accent. She looked to be in her late 50s or early 60s, her brown hair was short and curly and she had brown eyes and thin lips. She had on a pair of black Jean's, a denim shirt jacket and lilac tee-shrit that hung loosely around her body. In all honesty she looked a little bit like a hippie but she also didn't look like the type to take shit from anyone.

" Oh please" Jackie said offended, as she thought who wouldn't want to hire her."Firstly it's a bar, what 'qualifications' could I possibly need to-

"ok I'm gonna stop you right there" The woman said interrupting Jackie." I think we've been gotten a bit off track here and I'm on the verge of kicking your ass out of here. So I would like to know your name before I do that." She said very falsely sweet voice.

Jackie was taken aback, she was always so used to the 'customer is always right' motto. When she worked in the salon, the motto was practically engraved in to her mind. Her mother had also taught her to expect no less from employees or any kind of staff for that matter because their "basically our servants Jackie, we just dont have to pay them" her mother always said, to say that warped her young mind on how to treat people equally would be a understatement.

Her eyes widened a bit as she stammered out her reply, still a little caught off guard by the woman's bluntness" O-oh umm I'm Jackie, Jackie Burkhart" Jackie said confidently" And I'm sorry if I came on a little strong there, i just haven't gotten the hang of this 'job thing' yet. So what's your name." Jackie asked curiously.

The woman eyed Jackie curiously before giving her an answer.

"Maggie Bennett, and I am the owner of this bar".

After this exchange the two women quickly became acquainted with each other but cant help but be a little stand-offish. Jackie had learned that Maggie has been the owner of the bar for over 20 year which blow blew her mind but also that she was going through some martial issues and had two grown sons. Maggie had found out that Jackie was on something of a self discovery journey (something that Maggie envied) because of troubles back home. She had also learned that Jackie came from money and didn't have alot of job experience. This had helped Maggie in her decision in wether or not to hire Jackie but finally came to a conclusion......

"well kid your only 21, have had just three short job experiences and are pretty clueless when it comes to any manual labour other than fixing a car surprisingly." Maggie said in a toneless voice, which only made Jackie even more nervous. She knew she wasn't that experience but what she lack for in that she gained in determination.

Jackie looked at Maggie visibly worried now, even though she tried to calm her self down, she was afraid that Maggie was going to laugh her out of the building.

"Well...... you've got the job!" Maggie exclaimed happily but before she could anything else out, she had an arm full of Jackie Burkhart squealing happily and hugging the life out of her.

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!" Jackie squealed gleefully and surprisingly she was really(excuse the language) fucking excited about this job. Because to her this will be her first job out in the real world, and yes you could argue that the cheese palace, the salon and working for that god awful woman who's name shall not be spoken (purely because I forget it), as real jobs but Jackie didn't because they were in that small town, that small town that took everything she loved, that small town that had been suffocating up until she left...she fucking hated that small town.

So she was excited about this new opportunity, this new chance to make something of her self to use her experience out in the rea-" wait, I have very little experience in these types of things, you even said it yourself self! why are you even hiring me". Jackie said curiously and a little self consciously, that was something was new to her.

"Well a number of reasons first one would probably be because you know how to make some pretty complicated drinks" That's right, Jackie remember telling her that she knew how to make alot of different drinks, not only from years of watching her own mother make 'special smoothies' but also from watching Mrs Forman make all different drinks." And well..... I'm low on staff and as long as you promise to not drink any of the alcohol, you can work here." Maggie said a little sheepish.

"Oh ok, well then I promise not to disappoint you and you dont have to worry about me drinking on the job, I'm more of a smoker than a drinker" Jackie said reassuringly"So when do I start."

"Right now" Maggie said "But its only 8AM dont bars usually open at like 6 or 7" Jackie asked confusingly.

"Oh honey not in this town, alcohol is kinda the only thing they have" Maggie said in a tone that was meant to sound jokingly, but something told Jackie that she was serious.

So for the next few hours Jackie worked as a bartender. She met all kinds of different people including some of the regulars. But it wasn't until 6PM when Jackie met the rest of the Bennett family.

Jackie had looked up from her place at the bar and saw three men walk in. The first one being an old man who looked to be in his 70s he full head of white hair and a white moustache, a khaki green button-up shirt and a pair of blue jeans with muddy boots. He had remained her of Mr Forman on account of him having a natural scowl on his face. The second man was tall and build, his face was very sculpted with refined features such as a builded jaw line, he had brown hair and a backwards red cap on, a blue and red check shirt with a grey shirt underneath, black jeans and a pair of muddy uggs that he could NOT pull off. He remained her of Kelso due to the goofy look on his face and the build of his body. The third man had her doing a double take, he looked so much like steven it was almost if he was right there. He had a full head of curly hair (although alot more tame than Stevens) and a bushy beard with squirted blue eyes, he had a light brown leather jacket with a red shirt on, navy blue jeans , with a pair of muddy cowboy boots? Seriously did these men not have any sense of fashion.

"Seriously I cant even shut a truck door right" the second man said flabbergasted. "I'm sure you could why you choose not to is beyond me" the first man replied patronisingly.

Judging by the tone of the conversation Jackie could only assume they were having a fight and honestly the old man reminded her so much of Red Forman that she was waiting for a 'Dumbass' or a 'foot up the ass' comment. Also both men had thick southern accent to them, like Maggie so she assumed they were from around here.

That was when the steven look alike spoke up." Hey, I'm gonna hit the bar. But in case you guys run out of things to fight about.." He paused as if he were about to reveal something important."Colt's Jean's cost 85 bucks" He said as he took his leave. His voice sounded almost like Steven's just older and had a southern accent to it.

As Jackie seen him approaching the bar she turned around and pretended to not have been ease dropping on their conversation.

I will post an update here and on fanfiction.net, hoped everyone liked it.

[smarmaladey]

The Bad Touch - (3/3)

Chapter 3 - “the discovery channel”

Rating: 🇪

Fandom: Jojo’s Bizzare Adventure

Relationships:  🐞♡🚺

Words: 12479 (yikes i know)

Ao3 Link  Prev.

(For content warnings and additional notes, click read more)

Our “lovely” heroine finally reaches the truth. 

cw: rape/non-con elements, AU (probably), ooc (probably), break-ins(?), unintentional voyeurism, “sci-fi violence”, mind break (sorta), mildly rough sex, blood, yknow the uje

enjoy ♡

♡🐞♡ 

Tuesday.

12:00 AM.

The third incident. 

♡🐞♡

How?

How did it all go wrong?

It all sounded so slick in your head. It sounded foolproof. It sounded...smart. 

Your scheme, to you, felt like the best idea you had ever had in your life--at least in terms of your own, organic plans. But, as it always seemed to turn out, being a "thinker" just really wasn't your style.

What a shame it was. Really, to think that your egoism had already conjured up a hypothetical scenario about you solving the mystery of your boss’s behavior, therefore sparing countless others from the humiliation you went through, therefore gaining some kind of respect from people you barely knew. 

To your defense, anyone would’ve thought that it was flawless.

...Alright, in retrospect, maybe it wasn’t so great. 

The idea was to exploit a brand-new, experimental technique you’d been working on to make yourself utterly invisible, and to stow yourself away in Giorno’s bedroom until you got your answers. What you did was demonstrate Black Hole Sun on the surface of your skin, in such a precise way that the only light absorbed would be “visible light”, therefore making you colorless, i.e, invisible to the human eye. 

On paper, that was where it ended. Because to you, and your egoism, it felt untouchable. You had so much confidence, in fact, that you just up and did it! Right away! No further thoughts, no Plan Bs, just as soon as you got out of that sunroom you maneuvered your way to the second floor and swung open a random window.

To your luck, said window was just the one you were looking for. Upon stepping onto the plush carpet of your boss’s bedroom, shivers traveled down your legs at the temperature. It wasn’t as cold as the office, per say, but it was still madly different from the mild early-autumn climate. 

At least it smells nice.

The room looked exactly as you had imagined it, a fuchsia-purple-blue-gold color scheme, gaudy flower and ladybug themed decorations, and, of course, a king-size canopy bed. It honestly felt less like the room of a powerful adult man, and more like a clueless American teenager’s idea of what being a rich European was like. Ugh.

But you had no time at all to dwell on pointless things, you had a mystery to unpack! Moving as silently as you could, you began scouring the entire place, starting with the small bookshelf at one edge of the room. 

Nothing seemed to be evident, except for perhaps a thick-sleeved copy of Kama Sutra. Needless to say, you pushed that one in as soon as you pulled it out. At this point, you had already used your “technique” when you entered the room, but soon faded it out when you realized it was clear. 

It was frustrating, the fact that there was nothing abnormal about his room. Hell, he didn’t even have any condoms or anything in his nightstand! You’d think he’d at least have the audacity to plan on violating you using protection, but no! He didn’t possess anything suspicious aside from a shitty book or two, at least nothing he kept in his bedroom. 

Realizing this, you let out a groan, and coincidentally, you heard an unidentifiable noise right after and panicked. Heart racing, you rushed to a corner of the room, right next to a dresser, turning invisible. What you didn’t know was exactly how long you’d be forced to stay in this one spot. 

This was the point where the cracks in your plan really began to show. 

Consequences of this "technique" of yours wouldn't be apparent at first thought, but you already knew what could happen. During numerous past self-training sessions, you'd discovered how using your Stand in this way affected your body. 

By removing all visible light from your form, it basically made you a sponge for ultraviolet. The UV rays previously had, at the least, made your skin extremely irritated, and at worst, gave you a few medical scares. 

You thought that you’d be safe from this, since the lights in the room were all off, and the sun was already going down by the time you arrived. Although, when you saw the multiple light fixtures in the room, there was a sense of unease that overtook you. 

So, cut to the present, you’ve been standing in this one corner for countless hours, too terrified to move from the fear of getting caught, while dreading the inevitable daylight. Also, additionally, it was midnight at this point, and Giorno hadn’t shown up. Why?

The only people who’d come in were a few housekeepers that soon left upon seeing nothing wrong. Whenever that happened though, it was rough, as the light from the hallways tended to spill into the room and scald your skin a tad when the door was opened. 

Needless to say, your current situation kinda sucked. The only stroke of fortune you’d had so far was finding a few stale snacks in your coat pockets that gave you enough sustenance to not go insane. As for hydration, that was a different story. Before you had retreated into the corner,  you considered getting some water from the bathroom, but you held off on it until it was too late. This didn’t bode well, combined with your ever fluctuating body temperature, the dehydration set in much sooner than you had hoped.

You cursed the very concept of time, and the fact that there was no clock in the room. 

Normally, at these hours, you’d either be asleep, watching television, working, but usually asleep. Currently, you were more sleep deprived yet more awake than you’d ever been, leading to your mind going to places you’d never explored before.

It’s just not fair. You never asked for this. You never wanted to be put in this situation. What would eighteen-year-old you would’ve thought if she knew this was where she’d end up after becoming part of this organization? Crammed in the corner of her boss’s bedroom, because said boss tried to force himself on her (twice!) all of a sudden, and she wanted to get to the bottom of it instead of simply just avoiding him? 

At eighteen, during the first months of your “career”, you’d never seen your Don as a man, nor did you really see him as a boy either. Just an untouchable figure that you slowly seemed to get closer to, yet still remained slightly enigmatic. He was ethereal, beautiful, and assumedly powerful--like a god. You had no clue how he got to where he was, and you never planned on learning. Yet, as he got older, and became a little bit more reliant on you, that divine mask of his seemed to chip away. He felt more human, less like a god and more like...a demi-god? Something like that.

Despite all of that, he remained practically unreadable to you. And this persisted to this current situation, being that you still had no real idea what piqued his sudden “interest” in you. 

Your mind ended up going back to Sunday, to that first-ever incident. To his constant showcases of unwellness, to his abnormal teeth, to his fascination with that one vein in your chest. These, along with his apparent misunderstanding of temperature physics, were the only points you really had.

Racking your brain, you tried your best to come up with some kind of half-conclusion with these points. Was he sick? It’d seem like he was absolutely impervious to any kind of illness, but he was only human after all. But, you hadn’t ever heard of a flu that makes people inexplicably lustful, so that was probably off the table. 

Puberty? No, can’t be. He was too matured and too responsible to be having hormonal “rushes” like that, and succumbing to them, no less. Plus, neither that or the illness excuse explained his teeth. 

Did some kind of Stand possess him? The thought of anybody managing to lay even one finger on him seemed out of this world to you, hell, you still couldn’t fully comprehend how you managed to successfully break into his home. Even so, it did seem like it was the most plausible out of your three “theories” so that was probably the farthest you could reach with your current information.

Apparently, getting lost in your thoughts was a great time waster, as when you peered around to the window after settling down a bit, the sky had gone from near pitch black to a greyish blue. You couldn’t help but sigh when you realized this, both in weariness and fear. 

It wasn’t long before you sensed some commotion from under you, nothing too alarming, just a few signs of people walking here and there, mostly from the bottom floor. Working in stealth had caused you to greatly hone your senses, which came in useful for situations like these. You had even picked up a habit of memorizing footsteps, and that included the ones of your superiors. For example, one of Giorno’s right hand men (you didn’t know his name, but he was recognizable enough) had heavy, hasty footsteps, not unlike your mother, or a particular now-neutralized leader of a rival group. Giorno, on the other hand, walked slowly and lightly, the precision of his movements reflecting everything else he did. 

None of the footsteps downstairs stood out to you. They all blended into each other, all light and fast, the most common category you’d come up with. 

As time continued to flow, you slowly kept backing yourself even more into the corner in order to avoid as much light as you could. It revealed to be in vain, though, since you could already feel the UV seeping into your flesh and causing a mild burn. 

While uncomfortable, it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, since there were no lights on in the room. At one point, you considered moving to close the curtains, but you decided against it. 

Is it really too late to leave? Most definitely. Perhaps earlier, you could’ve ditched the plan and left without leaving any evidence, but now you were in too deep. The carpet would’ve definitely had imprints of your shoes, there was probably sweat and other DNA samples scattered around, and you most likely wouldn’t be able to close the window behind you. Shit. You knew, no matter how deluded he seemed, he’d be able to know you had broken in just with those clues. 

If only I was like him. If only. 

With that thought, a sudden wave of depression hit you. 

You were a genuine fool, to think someone like you could’ve pulled off something like this. Truly. You weren’t a thinker, you weren’t a conniving mastermind, you were a pawn, a worker, a soldier. A machine that just knew how to follow orders.

But then again, you were kind of content like that. And besides, becoming a breeding doll for your boss wasn’t exactly your ideal type of promotion. 

So you stayed. Stayed in that one place, till something came up again.

♡🐞♡

You weren’t very sure, but you felt that it was around 4:00 PM when your situation truly began to shift. 

Leading up to said shift, you’d been drifting in and out of consciousness, as keeping B • H • S up took a lot of your energy. During those moments when you were present, you kept wondering if you’d end up eventually dying here, in this place. Wondering if you’d just end up succumbing to the dehydration and radiation, keeling over like a ragdoll while the light inside you faded.

What would people think of me if that happened? They’d probably see it as some kind of Aesopian tragedy, a cautionary tale to be passed on throughout the organization. A tale of a woman with a once efficient, somewhat important role in the great Passione machine, who threw it all away in the search for unnecessary answers. 

You were genuinely starting to feel hopeless. It was most likely showing, too, you could tell some of your color was fading back in, no matter how transparent it was. 

How ironic. In all of the many kinds of media you’ve consumed, color was usually a symbol of hope, while darkness and paleness was seen as evil. It seemed like, in your case, that was reversed.

Ignoring your past fears, you couldn’t help but let out a sigh when you thought of this. And that was when you heard it. 

Footsteps. Recognizable footsteps, no less, coming from the hallway just outside the room, getting closer and closer. 

Slow and light. Perfetto. 

 And just like that, all of your color faded away once more. 

It wasn’t all smooth sailing, though, there was something abnormal about those footsteps. They weren’t slow slow, like you were used to, they were a tad quicker, a smidge hastier. Medium slow. 

That didn’t matter when they paused, presumably just behind the door. You could’ve sworn your heart stopped when you saw the handle of the flower-shaped door knob begin to wiggle and turn. 

Time seemed to go slow as the engraved, gold-painted door creaked open, and from the corner came a shiny black brogue. Who else could it have been, but the man of the hour himself? 

Giorno stepped in slowly, a neutral, but slightly worried look on his face. He was being a bit cautious, almost reminiscent of how you stepped into his office that fateful Sunday. His outfit looked no different than your past few encounters with him, somehow, some way. 

You watched his eyes scan the room as he closed the door behind him. Again, it felt like your heart was stopped, especially as he was glancing towards the exact corner you stood in. 

This is it. He can definitely tell where I am. He’s going to find me. He totally is. I knew I shouldn’t have done this. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. In that quick second, regrets started filling your head for what felt like the thousandth time today. If you had decided not to go through with this, you probably could’ve just moved to California and lived out your dreams, devoid of worry. But no, no no no no, you just had to--

Giorno didn’t notice you. 

The confidence that refilled into you felt blazing. 

Your boss sighed and started taking off his shoes, and shortly afterwards, his socks. You watched him closely, even as he strode to his closet to put them away, walked back towards your side to grab a random book from his bookshelf, and then promptly tossed said book onto his bed. 

When he approached the door again, and his deft fingers neared the light switch, your breathing hitched. Fortunately, he lowered them, deciding against flicking on the lights. 

It felt so surreal, watching him like this, in his element. Perhaps it wasn’t exactly normal, as you took note of how dismayed his face looked, and how hasty he was when walking down the hall. Well, it wasn’t surprising, but it felt a little good to know it wasn’t just you he was acting weird around.

He stopped in the middle of the room and stretched his back, grunting very quietly before sitting down at his decorated vanity. A rolling noise echoed through the room as he opened one drawer and took out a bottle of liquid, and then a small crimson handkerchief. Then, he turned a knob on the side of the mirror, and the brim of the vanity mirror lit up.

Despite the sudden flash of excess light, you steeled your resolve and stayed silent. This was your chance, you couldn’t go and ruin it now. Besides, it wasn’t even that much artificial light--it’d take more than a tiny fluorescent bulb to take you down. 

You examined him as he dabbled the liquid on the hanky, sighed, and then began to smear it on his face. He started with his cheeks, then his forehead, the bridge of his nose, and ended with his chin. All while the red cloth gathered a stain of pale beige, and the true texture of his face was revealed. 

There was a noticeable red tint on his face, like he had a fever or something. It made sense. A lot of sense, actually.

Giorno turned the cloth over, re-applied the remover, and wiped off his mouth. The natural light pink color of his lips was uncovered, pert and shiny. 

Cute.

Wait, no. 

As soon as those intrusive thoughts entered your head, you shook them out and internally punished yourself for even noticing that. 

You still had a good reason for looking at his mouth, you were trying to spot his strange teeth, but they didn't seem to show. Bummer. He then moved on to his eyes, giving the lids a couple half-assed swipes before setting the hanky down altogether. 

He stood up, closed his eyes, and started fiddling with the brooches on his coat, while trailing off near your side of the room. Before you knew it, he was standing right next to you, topless, the garment folded in his arms. It all happened so fast and so smoothly, it was almost terrifying.

Now it really felt like you were invading his privacy. Especially after he put the coat away, walked a few meters away from you, and stretched his back again. You could see every inch of his slim, toned figure, every muscle that shifted underneath his flawless flesh. Needless to say there was a bit of heat on your face, and it wasn’t just from the radiation. 

After he had enough of giving you an unintended show, he sat back down at his vanity and rested his left leg on top of the other. Leaning back, he lifted his long braid onto his shoulder. You couldn’t remember where from, but you once heard that he hadn’t gotten one haircut in the entire time he’d been Don, allowing it to lengthen down to the small of his back. 

How does he manage all of that? You knew it wasn’t the most important thing to worry about, but still, how? 

      Perhaps the same way he handled everything else in his life; (Well, everything except advancing onto you, and most of his interior decorating) With inexplicable perfection.

He began to meticulously pull his braid apart, after removing all the ties. It was insane, how he managed to make even something as simple as unraveling his hair look so graceful, in a way only he could achieve. 

Under the cloak of your Stand, you bit your cheeks. 

When he was done, he tossed and shook his hair, a golden cascade that rolled off his shoulders and flowed down to the base of his spine. Soon he grabbed a brush from inside a drawer and started combing it, ever-so-slowly and gently, with zero hitches or knots. 

You were, frankly, quite enjoying the view up to this point, but this is where things started to get a bit...mundane. Never did it cross your mind how many times your boss had to brush his hair each night, but it was proving to be quite a few strokes. You were nearly thankful you didn’t decide to count them. 

While this was going down, however, you could feel the UV still penetrating your skin. Along with your ever irritated epidermis, there was a growing faint feeling in the back of your skull, and a rather queasy feeling in your gut. Crap.

The only thing you could really hear now was the sound of your own breathing. The more stress put on you, the louder it got, blocking out subtler sounds that you could’ve heard earlier. One said thing you did pick up on was the quiet but notable sound of the brush passing through his locks. 

For a second, you considered moving to a more comfortable position, but you knew it would be way too risky. What you did do, however, was look out the window again, checking the sky. While it was darkening, it looked to be a while before you’d feel any true relief from the ultraviolet. 

At this point, Giorno seemed to have finished brushing his hair, now just sitting down and watching himself in the mirror. You had expected him to get into bed and start reading the book he had gotten earlier, but no, he just...stayed still. 

The sound of your breathing got quieter. 

He exhaled. Then grunted. All of a sudden, he began showing visible and audible signs of pain, curling over with his hand on his abdomen. His other hand, steadying himself on the edge of the vanity, twisted into a fist, the knuckles white. 

“God…” You heard him breathe out, his voice brittle. Catching a glimpse of his face, you saw how scrunched it was, and how prominent the redness became. 

It really looks like he’s suffering.

You almost felt bad for the poor guy. Almost. Keyword, almost. 

Your line of sight wandered back to his eyes, which were dropped, looking down. He had leant back in his chair, gazing at his own lap. It didn’t register with you when his hands moved down to his hips. It didn’t register with you when he unbuttoned his paints, and hooked his thumbs into the waistband. 

The next time you looked down, you saw it. 

He was...exposed. To say the very least. And...erect. Very erect.

It was like staring into the goddamn sun. 

You almost immediately averted your gaze, your breathing stopping altogether, as the heat in your cheeks threatened to grow hotter than the radiation racking your body. Oh lord. Mother of god, what the hell?

Out of the corner of your eye you saw him wrap his hand around himself, and soon after you heard him moan. He moaned. Was this really happening? 

It shouldn’t have shocked you as much as it did, it really shouldn't have. 

He gave himself a gentle stroke, and the weight continued to sink in. You frantically looked for something else to gaze at, but you couldn’t resist the urge to stare. Instead, you settled on squinting your eyes so much so that you could barely see anything.

The sound of his breathy voice cut through in the silent room, torturing your own ears with sounds that sent uncomfortable shivers through your torso. 

Now you really felt like a pervert. Truly. Never in your life would the thought of a situation like this ever crossed your mind, even at your most hormonal during your teenage years. Secretly watching someone, anyone “gratify” themselves was already a wild idea, and now that said person was your boss, one of the most powerful men in the goddamn country?

It made you want to scream.

Minutes went on, with no sign of him stopping. Although, halfway through, you picked up on something; something a little strange.

His soft, gentle moans had changed into what sounded more like sobs. Not even erotic sobs, just genuine weeps. You bit the bullet, looked at his face, and lo and behold, he was crying. His tears mixed with the leftover eye makeup on his face, and dripped down onto the surface of the vanity and the floor. It was the first time you’d ever seen him like this. 

It was the strangest, most disturbingly saddest thing you’d ever seen. And you'd seen plenty of messed up movies. Yet, instead of feeling sympathy, something else clicked inside of you.

The shock, embarrassment, and fear faded away. 

He was vulnerable. For the first time you’d ever seen.

I could kill him right now. 

You totally could. You could collapse the entire room with just one flick of your wrist, and most likely get away in time as well. All his efforts, over the three years he’d been at the top, could be destroyed in just a matter of seconds. And he wouldn’t even know. 

How ironically poetic would that be? After trying to violate his lackey twice, said lackey ends his life while he’s pleasuring himself--like a fucked up modern version of a cautionary Greek fable. 

What would happen after that? Would I take over? Could I?

The thought of that was enough to make you hesitant. Would that really be what you wanted? 

You moved for the first time in hours, bringing your invisible hand in front of your face. Even though you couldn’t see it, you knew it was there, and you knew what it could do. 

Would I be hunted? Killed? Assassinated? Or would people...worship me? 

While the morals of the organization confused you more than anything, you knew some people had strong, strong feelings about Giorno’s policies. You couldn’t even think of any changes you would make, honestly, you didn’t care or know enough about that kind of stuff. 

During your juggle of the pros and cons of that decision, the young man across the room grew all the more intense, bucking into his own soft hand, most likely wishing it was yours. His other hand moved from the vanity to the edge of his chair, his knuckles white and forearm trembling. He shut his stained eyes and tilted his head up towards the ceiling, voice growing higher and breathier. 

After a couple more solid pumps, he finally released. He let out one final whine as he climaxed, bringing you out of your thoughts and forcing you to lay eyes on him once again. As his essences surged out, he exhaled gently, his body calming back down. 

You watched as he sniveled one last time, before loosening his back and letting go of himself. He put his hands in front of him, seemingly coming to terms with what he just did, before tossing his hair up and sighing one more time. 

Giorno sorted himself out a bit, pulling his waistband back up again before slumping over with the bridge of his nose between his fingers. 

Your window of opportunity was starting to close. You could feel it.

Near panicking, you put your hand out in front of yourself and did a quick rundown of all the consequences of taking action. 

This is my chance.

If I don’t do this now, who knows what will happen?

But is it really worth it? 

Who else could I hurt by doing this?

Shit. 

With the fingers crossed, you raised your hand up higher.

If I’m going to do this, I have to focus…

So you did. Your vision unblurred, and…

wait.

what the hell is that.

Across the room, the ghostly golden form of G • E had been manifested. And its fingers were at the light switch. 

no

no you cant do that

you cant

its not fair

Time seemed to go slow as you watched the switch flip up.

thatd be way too much light please

please dont do that

please 

dont

During that microsecond after the switch flipped, you almost came to terms with your downfall. 

The instant the ceiling light came on, what felt like a thousand suns bloomed upon your flesh. It was like every single atom in your body was being shaken, and a dozen needles were being shoved into the back of your skull. You gave in near immediately, crossing your forearms over your face in an attempt to protect yourself as your cloak dissipated and you came crumbling down to the floor. 

You hit the carpet with a thump, letting out the shrillest, most pained scream of your life. After all this time, you were finally able to see your own two hands again, but this time they looked emaciated and dull as they gripped onto the carpet. 

There was most likely something else going down in the room, but you paid it no mind, as you raised yourself up onto all fours. Something swashed through your head and caused you to heave, a concerning amount of liquidy saliva dripping out in place of vomit. 

Behind the sound of the loud ringing in your ears, you heard a voice. 

“I-I...ah…”

You turned your head towards him, neck cracking, eyes so wide they hurt. He looked absolutely taken aback, his jaw dropped and cold sweat on his forehead. 

Once again, a newfound confidence overtook you. 

I may still have a chance.

All of your remaining strength was used up trying to get back on your feet, all while you kept glaring at him. With your hand pointed to the sky, you shouted;

"Don't you dare! I can murder you right now, right this second! I won't hesitate, bastard!'

His face looked filled with dread. "H...how long have you--"

"Thirty-two hours! Thirty two fuckin' hours! I've been hiding here, cooking myself alive, waiting for you, for thirty-two...ho...urs…" your breath ran out as you finished your words. 

"I...dear lord…" he uttered.

Seconds upon seconds of awkward silence between you two passed, so much that you could feel the lactic acid building up in your arm muscles. Both of you were breathing heavily, you moreso, with your body begging you to stop doing things. 

Eventually, Giorno’s expression dropped, and he turned, once again slumped over while pinching the bridge of his nose. 

Is...is he not going to attack me? “H...hey...what’s your deal?” You asked, quieter.

He wiped his hands down his face, groaning. “Suppose this is what I get for being brainless...god almighty…” It was infuriating, how easily he brushed off your threats like they were nothing. 

Your rage flared. “You’re underestimating me, aren’t you? Don’t doubt me! I already have one of my Stand’s plants on the roof, and if you try to pull anything on me, I’ll destroy everything you’ve built up over the years!” That part about the plant may or may not have been true. 

The golden boy looked at you again, completely unamused. “Alright…” he breathed out, dropping his arms to his lap. “I understand why you’re angry. I really do. If--”

“Then why’d you do it?” You quickly spat out, “why are you like this all of a sudden? What’s going on with you?”

A few more seconds of silence passed. 

He sighed. Again. “If you really want it so badly...then I suppose you have the right to know. Just...calm down, please?”

You were a little stunned at this sudden turn of events. It felt like just a few minutes ago you thought he was like a heavily-guarded safe full of secrets, but now he’s just offering to open himself up to you, right here, in this very moment.

“Retract your Stand, please,” he made a lowering gesture with both hands. “I don’t want you to strain yourself anymore. Come and sit down, I beg of you.” His arm stretched out and he patted at his soft bedding. 

While you did indeed lower your arm, you stayed hesitant, refusing to let your guard down. “Hey, wait. I don’t get it, how come you’re acting so…”

Giorno quirked a brow.

“So...normal?” You gritted your teeth after the last word left your mouth.

“Sit. Please.” It would’ve been rude not to comply.

Now that you both were face-to-face, seemingly both in the right state of mind, he began. “Honestly, as mortifying as it is, I think you came at the best possible time. That’s because…” He cleared his throat. 

“It’s something I’ve been experiencing ever since April--perhaps even before then. I’ve been having these...urges, these...desires. And...oh, how do I put this...it started off somewhat normal, but it soon started to cause me...physical ailments.”

The eye contact didn’t last long, as you ended up dropping down onto his bed, resting your dire, dire self. You felt a tiny bit bad for paying less attention to his words and more attention to the lovingly soft mattress, but you still got the gist of what he was saying. 

“It’s been especially apparent in my…” again, he cleared his throat. “...abdominal region. There’s this pressure, this pain, and it doesn’t have anything to do with my stomach or my kidneys or what have you--it’s something different entirely. And that’s only where it begins…”

The feelings in your head were mixed. One part of your brain had sympathy, while the other felt a bit of gratitude hearing his ailments. It was a bit fucked, sure, but pretty understandable considering what you’d been through. 

"My body's been so hot--"

"--I know. I could tell."

He looked down sheepishly after you interrupted him. 

"That's the one thing I've been noticing." You went on, "it's weird, man. Plus, closing the door to 'keep the cool air inside?' That's not how that works at all!"

Silence. 

"Y...yes. You're right. But in addition to that, my throat's been so dehydrated, and near nothing will quench it. It's awful, truly…"

"And?"

"Mastur--ah, gratifying myself helps, but only temporarily. Each time that longing, that fire comes back to haunt me and it...it hurts…"

After some more silence, you propped yourself up by your elbows to look at him again. "That sounds...horrible, but I just want to know, why? Are you sick? I don't--"

"I was going to get to that."

He shut you up. 

Taking another sigh, he leant back in his chair again, holding his knee. "If you had asked me that, say, four months ago, I wouldn't have had a clue. Yet lately…"

"I'm listening."

He inhaled for a good second. "I've been looking deeper into my origins, ever since I turned eighteen, trying to find out where I came from...and what I discovered was--" 

And...out.

Everything your boss said started going in one ear and out the other. And who could blame you? It was a habit. 

He just...went on, about his family, parents, his Stand and even his birthmarks for some reason. You truly didn't see the point in 99 percent of what he was talking about. 

I just want to know why you're acting like this, you bastard. I don't care about your dad or whatever…

Despite your vexation, you did pick up on one subject that he seemed to bring up a lot during his tangent; Vampirism.

It stuck in your head so much, that when he finally stopped talking you instantly sat up and responded, "woah, woah, what? What are you talking about, about vampires? You're not seriously…"

His deadpan expression told you all you needed to know. It also told you that he could tell you were barely listening to him. 

“Well, that’s what I said.” He began, “my current theory, stemming from all the research I’ve done...is that I’m a vampire.” He paused for a second, then adding on, “or, at least an ancestor of mine was.”

More silence.

Wha?

It definitely should’ve shocked you more than it did, but...somehow, it made  everything make sense. The teeth, the thirst...still, part of your world was turned upside down. You weren’t even too unfamiliar with the supernatural, with your family being relatively superstitious, but something like this…

"And I'm thinking that this period is some kind of...awakening. A sort of…--"

"Vampire puberty." It wasn’t even a question, the pure disbelief in your voice overshadowed any other nuance.

"Oh, putting it like that makes it sound a bit--" you cut him off before his last word.

“--you...you’re kidding right?” You couldn’t help but stare him down, but he looked 100% serious. “Ho-how? How did you come to that conclusion, of all things? I mean, I get it, sorta, but…”

Giorno put his hands in front of his mouth and took in a deep breath. “Have you ever tried pork blood before, amore?”

Now it was your turn to stare at him with a judgmental look.

“I had some the other day at an Asian restaurant...oh,” he moved his hand to his cheek and looked away from you, “it was the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted. Truly, it was amazing.” His eyes were near sparkling. 

You weren’t given a second to respond.

“After I had that, some of the dryness in my throat went away, but it was only for a while. I still found my eyes lingering on people’s veins, at the reddest points of their bodies...and you were no different.” A pang of your heart rang through your nerves. “Somehow, I knew that the only thing that would satiate me would be...the taste of a human, as awful as it sounds.”

Silence continued to prevail.

It was a lot to take in. You ended up getting up and standing in front of him, your back turned and your hands supporting the back of your head. 

In spite of the millions of words swirling in your head, one seemed to prevail. 

"Me…?"

"Pardon?"

You dropped your hands, but refused to look at him. "You could've chosen anybody to pursue, for these needs, but...you chose me, of all people."

“Well, I…” Giorno stopped talking when he heard you inhale sharply.

Rather slowly, you turned your head to look him in the eye. 

“You’re a virgin, aren’t you?” 

It became uncomfortably quiet, and he looked down at his hands, twiddling his fingers. “I don’t see how that has anything to do with--”

“You are! I fuckin’ knew it!” Your voice came out loud, louder than you intended, but you didn’t bother piping down, “holy shit…” The only thing that felt appropriate was to rub your temples while continuing to take in all you’d learnt. 

“What difference does it make?” His brows were slanted, a questioning and slightly furious expression on his face. “I don’t understand why you’re making a big deal out of it.”

“Be-because...ugh…!” You were having a tough time getting your words out, your voice going up a few more pitches. “That kind of thing...for your first time, you should do it with a person you, uh, really love…"

"But I-"

"An-an-and!" You held a finger level with his face before crossing your arms. "You should do it with someone your own age, too!"

He did some math on his fingers. "Wait, you're not that much older than me at all--"

"We-ell then whatever!" You knew you sounded irrational at this point, but something was still driving you to sputter out words. "The...the point is, someone like you should do this with somebody special...I mean, I’m just a random lackey, right? It’s not like I’m...uhm…”

His expression didn’t drop, it just grew more irritated. 

“You truly never listen to me, do you, cara?” Your boss sighed and looked towards the mirror again. “How many times have I told you, already?”

He watched as your once hardened appearance softened with concern. 

“I chose you to go after because I love you. Didn’t I tell you this before?"

"I...uh…"

“‘Random lackey…’” He repeated your words with venom on his tongue, shaking his head. “Ever since I met you, knowing all you were capable of, I’ve felt a connection to you. Not to mention you’re one of the most…” a dreamy sigh came out of him, “...interesting people I’ve ever had working under me. I mean...you broke into my house, that's so...bold."

It was too much. All this news, it felt like your brain was an overflowed sponge. 

“No...don’t say that…”

In the midst of all your confusion, he stood up.

“What do you mean? Do you not believe me?” 

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. 

"Amore mio, I’ve loved you for so long, now...I know this is all sudden, but I thought you would be the best one for this situation, I thought you of all people would understand…” His hand came up to brush some of your damp hair away from your forehead. 

“Lying...you’re lying, you have to be…” It couldn’t be genuine. It just couldn’t. “You...someone like you...can’t…”

One of his hands came to rest on your shoulder. 

“Oh, why do you reject me so much?” He breathed out, “you keep saying ‘someone like you’...what kind of person do you think I am…?”

Your name slipped out his lips at the end of his sentence. His words sent shocks right to your eyes, the liquid threatening to spill out. 

“Maybe…” his face became one of sympathy. “Perhaps you don’t think someone like you deserves a person like me?"

That was it. That was when your downfall became cemented in stone. It felt like he had just stuck a key into your heart, but instead of unlocking anything, it just made everything collapse. Your egoism, your confidence, and all of your self-security shattered, and the pieces that fell had cause your tears to overflow. 

Although, you did realize one thing. 

Giorno Giovanna was far from a super-secretive man, nor was he cold like one might expect from a goddamn mob boss. You had no idea how he got to where he was. But, despite that, you realized how he kept his place at the top. How he managed to control everyone under him, how he got so many people to submit without using force. 

He got inside my head. It's over.

The tears felt hot running down your face. 

All you could let out was a sob, and a fragment of a word. Without warning, he lowered his head and pressed his mouth to yours, taking in the noises while holding your face gently. 

His lips taste like roses. 

Was there really anything else you could do, besides kissing him back? You gripped at his triceps, still sobbing out your nose as he deepened the kiss, without protest from you. It went on for a few seconds, before you finally couldn’t take it anymore and broke away from him, escaping his embrace and moving away quickly.

Despite you retreating into the bathroom, both you and him knew that he had won.

♡🐞♡

Click, clack. Click, clack. Click, clack. The imaginary clock in Giorno’s head was the only thing he could currently hear. It felt like it could be fit for a time-bomb, as the longer the uneventful period went on, the closer he felt to exploding. 

Five minutes. It had only been five minutes since you had ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind you, leaving him to contemplate his actions. (“Contemplate” in large quotes, since there was already a lustful smog growing in his brain, clouding up his rational thinking.) Since you had retreated, he had picked up on water occasionally running, a few concerning heavy impacts, and perhaps a cry or two. 

He was almost starting to think that he might’ve pushed you a bit too far, what with making you break down in front of him and all that. He would’ve actually begun to feel some regret, if not for him hearing the bathroom door behind him at the perfect time.

Giorno looked behind his shoulder, and there you were. Standing in the doorway, completely bare apart from your underwear, covering your breasts with your forearm. While there was still a shy, cold expression on your face, the three words you uttered told him all he needed to know.

“Do your worst.”

The pure joy inside of him fired up. He finally met with your eyes, giving you a small smile that said a thousand thankful words. 

Before you even had a chance to trail a meter away from the doorway, he had stepped over to you and trapped you in his oh-so-warm embrace. He soon kissed the shell of your ear, uttering out a soft "thank you."

Your legs felt weak.

He snaked around behind you, aligning his arm with your raised one. His hand cupped your knuckles, squeezing them. 

"Put your arm down...let me see you…" there was an almost desperate twinge in his voice, more apparent when it was so close to your other ear. 

Of course, you obeyed him. What else could you do?

The golden boy resisted the primal urge to grope and caress your chest, instead deciding to begin guiding you towards his bed. He still kept his bare torso flush against yours. 

When your knees touched the edge of the mattress you instinctively gave in and dropped down onto the comforter, momentarily detaching from him as you crawled up to your knees.

When you blinked, Giorno was in front of you again. He put his hand on your neck and gripped it very gently, getting up-close to your chest-shoulder area. You could feel his lips touching against the very slight hairs on your body, threatening to give you goosebumps. 

“Cara…” he still sounded desperate. “I...I don’t know where to bite first…” 

It was true. There were just too many places he could go for first; the soft, lovely flesh of your breasts, the accessible, potent croon of your neck and shoulders, or even a part of your face...it was enough to give him analysis paralysis.

He didn’t get any suggestions from you. 

Eventually he made his decision by pressing his lips against your chest, right next to where your heart was. For a split second he pulled away, allowing you to invite him by raising up your tits with your forearm. 

You watched him, his eyes happy, as he slowly opened his maw, revealing his small fangs. It wasn’t long before he finally bit down onto you, be it mildly. 

It didn’t hurt that much the first time around, but it made both of you realize it'd take more force to get you to bleed for him.

He wasn't deterred though, quickly after the first bite he champed down again, his canines poking down into your flesh, drawing a sharp exhale from you. 

The harder he bit, the more you whined. You felt a bit of suction on the spot, as he was trying his hardest to get any of your extract out and onto his tongue. 

Finally, after gnawing at you for a good half-minute, he broke skin. 

To your surprise, he pulled away, wanting to look at your blood before he indulged. The little red splotch bloomed bigger, and started to flow down your breast. 

The pure, unadulterated salacity in his eyes made your body feel warm. 

His tongue rolled out, his breath so hot it was like steam in the cold room. He swept up all the blood that flowed out, his saliva seeping into your small puncture and stinging slightly. 

But that sensation had nothing on what he was feeling. 

By God, it was the most sublime thing he'd ever tasted. Coating his tongue, your fluid sent him into a state of absolute ecstasy. 

It was as sweet as caramel, yet as intoxicating as absinthe. 

After letting out a small, amazed moan, he re-attached to your skin and sucked on it, trying to force out more of the liquid ruby. It was a miniscule wound, so only a small, thin stream was coming out, but he savored every drop of it by mixing it with his own saliva so he could swallow it down better.

His swallows were definitely audible. You tilted your head back, completely bewildered at what was currently happening. 

He’s drinking me.

My boss is drinking me.

My perfect, psycho boss is drinking me. 

You felt your flesh be released after a short while, Giorno letting out a groan. He moved his hands up to hold the sides of your face, staring deep into your eyes. His once pale-pink lips were stained with red. 

“I love you, I love you so much…” The words came out barely as whispers, before he kissed you again. You were instantly met with the coppery taste of your own blood. 

When he pulled away, the string of saliva that connected the two of you was dyed a light red. You glanced down and saw that the bite mark had been smudged, so even more of your chest was painted crimson. 

There was something...exciting about that. Something you couldn’t put your finger on. 

Giorno shifted, his hands on your shoulders, so that he was pressed against your back once again. He tugged you backwards, leaning onto the wall behind the bed. It wasn’t long before he sunk his teeth into your trapezius, again gnawing a few times before getting access to his ambrosia. 

It was definitely painful, getting your blood actively sucked out gave you cold chills wherever he bit. You were thankful that he wasn’t drawing litres from you, in movies it always looked so...violent…

You couldn’t help but throw your arms back around his shoulders, squishing your hands between him and the wall. 

He continued to drink for a good stretch of time, before sliding one hand down your body. You watched him as he pressed his middle finger against your clothed crux, producing a short yelp from you. His fingertip pressed down until there was an apparent wet spot in your dark grey bottoms. 

Hot air brushed by your ear. “You’re wet~♡” He cooed, pushing his fingertip lower down the cleft. You tilted your ear away from him, squeezing your eyes shut. 

A cry escaped your lips when he slipped his hand under your bottoms and wasted no time massaging your excited nub. 

“I wonder how it got that way?” His inquiry was met by a sob. “Hmm...maybe you like it when I drink you up…♡?”

“I-I...ah…”

“Or…” You could feel him smile against your shoulder. “You did watch me when I was enjoying myself earlier...maybe you get off to that kind of stuff?”

“Wha...no…”

He tittered and kissed the area behind your ear. “Well? Am I correct? Do you get off watching younger men touch themselves?” 

An uncontrollable cry came out of you. No...you’re wrong…

“Oh, you’re a pervert, aren’t you~♡ ” 

“I’m not...not a pervert…”

You could tell he was toying with you. 

Goddamnit…

While you cursed in your head, deep down, your body loved it. 

Another stint of him drinking you went by, all while his hand grew more vigorous. You managed to suppress most of your noises, but it grew harder the closer you got to your climax. The thought of cumming while he was still indulging in your blood...it was so…

He pulled away with a satiated sigh. 

When his fangs left you, so did his hand. It left your lower area convulsing, feeling abandoned.

“Tesoro…♡” Giorno nuzzled up against you. “That was amazing...you tasted so good, I think I might get addicted...I’m so happy...I love you…”

Despite being on the brink of orgasm, you felt a strong feeling of relief, knowing that this “saga” was over. You couldn’t help but smile, shutting your eyes and dropping your arms down and enjoying the feeling of being held in your boss’s warm arms. 

“I...uhm, Giorno...I think I…” The words you wanted to say were hard to get out, but eventually you managed to build up the needed “confidence”. 

You felt a bit dazed from getting all that blood taken from you, but it wasn’t too bad. 

It was still unbelievable to you, to think that all this time a grandiose man like him had taken such an interest in a lowlife like you...it still felt conflicting. What’s gonna happen now? What comes next? With the intent of asking him that, you opened your eyes, and…

Oh.

Somehow, you had changed positions without even noticing. He had laid you out on the bed, your head on the pillow, and was straddling you. The light from the window bounced off his eyes, and you knew it was far from over. 

He was pressing his hard-on right into your crotch, his hands on your waist. “Bella…” he murmured, dragging his hands closer to himself. 

You felt your heart thump harder as he hooked his thumbs into his waistband and pulled down his pants again. Your eyes went from the center of his briefs to his face, trying to signal your distress to him. Too bad he was only focused on “himself”. 

Determined to not see his cock again, you shut your eyes tight. Yet something in your head told you that it was inevitable, because honestly, where else could this go? 

So you opened your eyes, be it slowly, and laid your sight on him. 

This is really happening, isn’t it? 

It was utterly stiff, resting on your belly, and tinged with red, just like his face. His pre dripped down near your navel, the heat combatting with the surface of your skin. 

You looked up at him again, but couldn’t tell if he was doing the same to you. His eyes were pointed not at your face, but somewhere lower. Not being able to predict what was going to happen next, you swallowed nothing. 

Suddenly, the bed rumbled a bit, and you reflexively closed your eyes again. You felt the crown of your head knock against the wall, before you noticed a sudden weight on your torso. When you peeked ahead, you realized Giorno had moved up your body, now straddling your lower thorax. 

You were met with the head of his cock, resting comfortably in the valley of your breasts. Immediately your face reached internal levels of warmth you didn’t even know were possible.

“I wanted to try this, with you, for a while now…” he trailed off before putting some saliva in his hand rather solemnly. 

How long is a ‘while’?

While he massaged the makeshift lubricant onto himself, you were staring up at him, at a loss for words. “This-this position is...it’s, uhm…” To think that such a presumably perfectly proper person would have such...pornagraphic proposals. Maybe you yourself weren’t as “experienced” as you liked to think you were. 

His hands traveled to the sides of your chest, pushing them up so that the soft meat enveloped his shaft. A satisfied sigh came out his mouth, this was just the start and you already felt like heaven.

“Gio-ru-no…~” despite his nails being just barely a quarter-centimeter long, you felt them digging into your flesh. You were glad he wasn’t too heavy, if he was this would probably be even rougher. “Be gentle...please…?” 

Your pleas were unfortunately ignored. 

Unable to wait any longer, he pulled back a little bit before pushing forward, slightly rocking both the two of you and the bed. There was a bit of a cooldown period before he rammed his hips forward again, and again, and again. 

“Amore mio, amore mio~♡” Thoughtless words were spilling from him. “So, good...your body really is the best~♡! I love...everything...about you…” He kept speaking in between pushes, but you could barely pick up on it.

The sight of his cock rhythmically slipping on your chest--it was almost hypnotizing. It was just..so lewd, so much it was by itself stimulating. You were helpless, letting your tits get fucked by your beautiful bastard of a boss, arms limp on the bed. 

Under your breasts, you could feel his testes against you--you could tell they were heavy. Lewd noises kept coming out with each shove, and you had a front-row seat to them. That along with his ecstatic moans created a cacophony of smutty noises that assaulted your eardrums. His tip kept inching ever-closer to your face, to the point where you felt you would be able to kiss it if you wanted to. 

Giorno kept going, rocking his hips over and over again, and it made you wonder if he was ever going to finish. 

This really is happening, isn’t it...not a dream, or a trip, or anything…

He’s using me like some kind of object...

How long has he wanted to do this kind of stuff with me?

Where...did he even get the idea to do this?

Those questions were pointless, and you knew it.

You were jerked out of your thoughts when he pressed his thumbs against your nipples, making you flinch and scrunch up your face. The small amount of tears that had been building up in your eyes were squeezed out, coating your eyelids. 

Seeing that subtle change in your face, Giorno sped up his movements. The whines that came from you as a result of his roughness just tempted him more, giving him extra ideas of what he’d do in the future. 

Something dripped down and hit your cheek, as well as the pillowcase around your head. Only an idiot wouldn’t be able to tell what it was, which was sweat that was dripping from his bare body. It perplexed you how he still managed to smell like fragrant flowers. 

His “rhythm” was beginning to feel like it was synchronizing with your heartbeat, and in a weird way, it was relaxing. Maybe it was that, combined with his warmth, his weight, the soft mattress...you wondered that, if you did hypothetically fall asleep in the midst of this, would he continue? 

It proved to be another pointless question, as soon enough the golden boy’s moans peaked, before he suddenly stopped. 

Is...is he done?

For a split second, you felt his weight lift from your body, but at the same time one of his hands gripped at your jaw roughly. He pulled down, forcing you to open up but a tad, before he quickly moved even higher up your body and stuffed his cock in your mouth. 

Your tear-laced eyes went wide immediately. A muffled whimper came out your throat, but he ignored it and dropped himself lower down, stabilizing himself on the wall. Your abused gag reflex caused more tears to flow out, but it also just made your throat tighten around him.

After he let out a few sighs of pleasure, you glanced up at his face. His eyes were glimmering as he kept forcing himself into you, adoring the way all the soft ridges and bumps felt against his ready-to-burst cock. 

Tears were completely blurring your sight as he bottomed out in your mouth. A joyous, shuddering groan came out of him before you felt something hot bloom in the middle of your neck. 

Realization set in, and so did a slight sense of panic. It wasn’t long before your throat had been filled, agitating your gag reflex even more. Your heart thumped heavily as his essence invaded your mouth, the strange taste a bit too overwhelming. 

While one of your hands had fingers shaking and curling, you raised the other one up to batter at his side, trying to tell him he was starting to stifle you. 

In response, he reached down and pinched your nose shut. 

“This...this is only fair, right~?” There was some kind of sadistic giggle in his voice. "Come on, take it, take all of me…♡" his smile, despite looking filled with nothing but love, made you want to cry even more. 

You felt yourself begin to asphyxiate. 

“Swallow it.” While his voice was soft, it still managed to be commanding, almost intimidating. 

Not having any other options, you obeyed.

Soon as Giorno saw the lump in your neck go down, he removed himself and lifted off of your body. The excess fluid that didn’t go down came gushing out of your uselessly-closed lips, oozing down your chin as you struggled to sit up. 

You put your hand to your mouth as you coughed, trying in vain to stop it from getting everywhere. To your dismay, you felt a drop of it land on your chest. 

Despite the multiple fluids covering your face, you, once again, felt a strong feeling of relief. It’s over now, right? It’s gotta be. No way is he still…

You were distracted by him wrapping an arm around your shoulder and kissing your temple. “There we go...it wasn’t that hard, right?” No response to that.

“See, I got to drink you…” he chuckled as if he had just told a joke. “And now you got to drink me! We’re equal now~!”

Even if you wanted to talk back to him, you couldn’t, as there was still liquid pooled in your mouth. After spitting out most of it onto your hand, you picked up on something--your bottoms were being lowered. 

You jerked to the side. “Wait, wait, wait--what are you doing?” His fingers were still pulling at your waistband, despite you kicking a bit to try and get him to quit. 

He looked at you with a rather sudden innocent expression. “Well, we’re moving on now, aren't we?” 

“You can’t be serious, ri-right? You...just finished…” without words, you were proven wrong by him straightening his back, revealing that he was still hard.

Lord have mercy.

“That...doesn’t make sense...how…” Giorno interrupted your driveling by pulling you back down the bed, tilting you onto your back. You genuinely didn’t know how much more you could take.

Your leg was lifted up, resting on the inside of his elbow. “Did you actually think we were done…?” He laughed while completely removing your soused underwear. It was humiliating, seeing him with the small garment dangling off of his index, and it got even worse when he carelessly dropped it onto the floor behind him. “You haven’t even finished yet, right? What kind of man would I be to let you--no, the both of us,--go unsatisfied...?” 

But I’m already ‘satisfied’... It was true, even if you hadn’t technically climaxed yet, you still felt like this had gone on long enough and--

“A-ah--!” Suddenly, you were ripped out of your thoughts by the feeling of him prodding your crux with the supple head of his cock. The sudden heat made your channel clench around nothing as he pulled away from your entrance. You uncontrollably pushed up your pelvis, most certainly looking oh-so desperate for him. 

While pulling even farther away from you, he moved his hand before spreading your vulva with his middle knuckles. He peered down at your drooling pink hole, watching your insides convulse with a voracious look in his eye. 

“Ah...I wasn’t expecting it to be like this…” he chuckled, while rotating his hand a bit to get a better look. "It looks like it's...begging for me…" 

A gratified smile stretched across his lips. He was right! He knew you wanted this just as much as he did! And when he took a look at your face, your frightened yet tantalized expression, the tear stains on your cheeks and the remnants of his semen covering your chin and jaw, he let out a happy breath, knowing he wouldn't be changing his mind anytime soon. 

That sight just made him simply ache. 

“Bella~” he crooned out, the edges of his eyes watery. “I can’t hold back anymore…~” 

The second after that, he plunged himself inside you all too quickly, giving you absolutely no time to think. You had only a split second to come to terms with what was happening before you were impaled by a certain scalding appendage.

All that built-up stimulation from before came to a crash, your jaw dropping as you humiliatingly climaxed around him. Your fingers curled around the sheets as you pushed your hips against him, only to realize he wasn’t even bottomed out yet.

While you managed to stay mostly quiet, even during your orgasm. That couldn’t be said for the young man above you, though. 

For him, it was just too heavenly to resist. You felt so soft and tight, everything he’d hoped it would be and more. A series of strained yet euphoric moans sputtered out of him as he pushed himself to the hilt inside of you, closing his eyes and letting his tears fall down onto your face as he leaned over you. 

He stayed still for a small while, taking in the rapturous feeling before rising up a bit and looking down at your abdomen. “Look, look...we’re finally connected…~” 

Staring up at him with lidded eyes, you silently prayed that he didn’t notice you had--

“Hey,” his voice stayed breathy, as he started to roll his hips against you. “Did...you finish just from me putting it in?”

You covered your face with your hands, crying out in shame quietly.

“Don’t be embarrassed~♡!” Giorno cooed rather loudly, forcibly grabbing your wrists and pushing them back down onto the mattress, and while continuing to ram into you. Drool, tears and sweat still running down your face, you looked down at your pelvis, feeling taunted by the marshy noises being produced. “You feel really good, and so do I--be happy! I love you…!”

He kissed the side of your nose, holding the sides of your head. “I knew you loved me too, that you wanted me just as bad--I’m so happy I’m right, cara…” You couldn’t help but nod slightly in response, anything to make him be a little more gentle. 

“Suh-low...please…” it sounded like your brain was melting, which wasn’t exactly inaccurate. But even if your brain wasn’t melting, it definitely felt like your groin was. The combination of his roughness and his body heat was making your upper legs go numb, all feeling focused on the absolute stirring-up of your insides. 

To him, despite the fact that your internal heat wasn't low in the slightest, compared to his own it felt like you were almost cooling him down--it wasn't just pleasure he was feeling, it was also relief. And he wanted more. 

In order to try and get even deeper inside you, he raised your left leg higher, tilting you onto your side. Tugging you closer, he pressed his lips onto your ankle. 

The new angle made you grit your teeth and squeal, feeling his tip reach your fornix. You extended your arms, partly trying to get him to give you a break and partly wanting to hold his hand for some kind of support.

"You're good...so good...your body was really made for me~" he kept singing your praises while churning his hips, the upper base of his cock continuously pressing into your swollen nub. 

As embarrassing as it was, you could feel another building twist in your gut.

After a bit, he leant over you again, leering at the beet-purple bite marks on your skin. Those and the smears of blood on your skin looked like art of his own making to him. But something was eating away at the back of his mind, a strange instinct that was telling him to do...something…

You watched as he moved his hand closer to your bust, bending all his fingers except for the index and middle. You felt him poke at the soft flesh of your neck for a second, getting a tad confused before…

Wait, what--

Somehow, in some unexplainable way, he pushed his fingertips and into your neck, bypassing your skin without puncturing it. It wasn’t even exactly painful, but incredibly strange and almost frightening. 

Fear in your eyes, you watched the veins in his forearm swell as the chilling feeling that came with getting your blood taken returned. You cried out, tears falling while you put your own hands on the one that was drinking from your throat. 

For him, he could feel your blood flowing into his veins directly, even being able to taste the lovely sweet flavor. He picked up a severe pace once again, mercilessly ravaging both halves of your body. 

Despite his roughness, there was nothing but love in his glazed green eyes. 

I'm...getting my blood taken...while being fucked...♡

A small broken smile appeared on your lips. To think that such an amazing man was indulging in you in this way...it made you wonder why you ever tried to get away in the first place. 

"Do you like this?" He asked, dipping his fingertips even deeper into your neck. "That's really perverted...♡"

The second after he said that prodding comment, you felt yourself tremble as the tugging feeling in your belly burst, cumming around him once again. Your legs stiffened and seized up uncontrollably as you moaned out helplessly. 

After your second orgasm, the ever-growing exhaustion began to take a toll on you. You hadn't slept in over 32 hours, after all. Foolishly thinking it was finally over, you turned your body onto your stomach, sighing into the soft pillow after you felt him pull out both his digits and his cock. 

This really happened, didn't it? Was your seemingly last thought before you were about to drift off, but that was before you felt your backside get lifted off of the sheets. 

"You're a selfish woman, aren't you? I'm not even done yet and you already want to go to bed? Hm…" You heard the man behind you say before slowly penetrating your raw cunt. "...but I don't mind. I still love you~" he sighed happily. 

"Wow…" he kept talking, even though he knew it was most likely not reaching you. "To think you were really threatening to murder me just a while ago...just look at you now, bella~♡"

You genuinely couldn’t respond to him, you didn’t have the brain power to do so. All you could do was accept him as he began to fuck you once again.

“Ah~” A happy breath left his lips. “You still feel so good…” he rocked his hips and bottomed out easily, pushing your pelvis towards him to keep a sort of rhythm going. “Do you like it from behind, too?”

Before he had entered inside you, you had tried your best to raise your upper body up with your arms, but failed once you felt him inside. Your face dropped onto the pillow, all the sweat and tears surely soaking into the case. 

You felt his soft hands on your upper arms before he raised you up, so his chest was against your back. With his lips right near your ear, he started panting in your ear as he bucked up inside you. 

"I love you...I love you…" he repeated for what felt like the thousandth time today. "And you love me too, right? Right?"

When he didn't head a response, he grew rougher. 

"Say it...say you love me, please, bella…"

"I...I love you, Giorno…!"

You heard him let out a happy sound before kissing your ear. "Yes...yes...I, I love you, I love having sex with you...♡"

It felt like there was static all inside your brain. He let both of you lower back down onto the bed, still ramming his hips in an almost animalistic way. 

"We're gonna do this a lot, alright? I wanna do this with you every day...♡" He kissed at your shoulder before suddenly sinking his incisors into it, quickly creating another puncture he could sup from. 

You couldn’t help but cry, desperately clutching at the surely sweat-soaked sheets. It was unbelievable, but he had created another twisting feeling in your abdomen.

The broken and sane parts of your brain were having a battle, one in disbelief at how spectacularly your plan had failed and how this even came to be in general, while the other was just simply euphoric at the pleasure he was giving you.

“I’m close, tesoro…” he uttered after pulling his fangs from you. “Are...are you gonna finish again? Even though you’re so tired~? You think we’re gonna cum together…?” you gave him no response, looking at how his hands were now on the bed right by yours. 

It went on for a bit more, him continuously drinking your blood while plunging into the deepest part of you. All while your brain was on the very brink of shutting off and traveling into dreamland.

Yet, after a while, he said one more thing. 

“I wanna finish inside you, cara…” He moaned out before kissing the new bruise on your shoulder. “Let’s start a family~♡!” 

That one proposition was enough to jerk you out of your haze and bring you to action.

No. 

“No!”

You balled your hand into a fist and repeatedly pounded at the back of his hand. “No, no~! Take it out, take it out…!”

Even if it was disappointing to hear your refusal, he heeded and slipped himself out just as he started to climax. Your walls clenched around nothing as he whined out, letting his essences spill out and smother the front of your torso. 

He held you tighter than ever as he rode out his orgasm, almost suffocating you with how firmly he was pressing against your diaphragm. You had let out all the air in your lungs when you came for the last time today, the dopamine in your brain hitting the absolute max. 

In your last moments of consciousness, you picked up on him turning you around and letting the last few surges paint your stomach. He inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, and exhaled, as his own brain was also flooded with serotonin. 

A great silence filled the room, apart from the sounds of his breathing. In the quiet, his mind finally came down from the high and he opened his eyes. 

Giorno felt great. It was like all of the excess heat had been emptied from his body, and all the pain and smogginess in his head had disappeared like it was never there. 

“Ah…thank you, cara, that was amazing--” When he looked down at you, he realized. 

“Oh...oh.” It was a little embarrassing, “she’s out cold…” he uttered, putting his fingertips to his lips. 

He was caught a little off guard, before seeing how you had been covered in his substances, as well as all the other fluids he had managed to draw from you. The sight was truly wonderful to him. 

Oh, how he longed to have a camera on him, as disrespectful as it would’ve been. He’d dreamed of this moment for so long...even more since this whole “vampire” debacle began. And now he had experienced it, and it was better than he could’ve ever had fathomed. 

To say he was overjoyed would’ve been an understatement.

Yet, as happy and satisfied as he was, he wanted to let you have your rest. So, after brainstorming a couple “thank-you gifts” and cleaning you up a little bit, he managed to manhandle your sleeping body under the covers. 

Seeing your peaceful, sleeping face, he couldn’t help but smile. 

“I wonder what you’re going to dream about…?” He breathed out before kissing the tip of your nose one last time. 

With nothing else to do, he slipped under the covers as well, holding your gentle, sleeping form. And with you in his arms, in his room, in his home, he finally felt content. It simply couldn’t get better than this.

Thank you, God, for such a wonderful, wonderful day. ♡

[mamafishfound]

Leon: The Rabid Lion and Astrology

Alright finally got to posting this I'm sorry it took so long a lot was going on with the Cornovirus stuff and my husband had issues with his green card and can't find it which we had no luck finding but alas thats a unrelated issue to the post. So here we are for the long awaited Star Crossed Myth and Astrology post

The Leo Archtype

Leo is ruled by the sun and rules the 5th house, the house of creative expression, arts, hobbies,children, and ect. Leo energy shines the brightest when it is in your sun sign and many famous Leos tend to pursue theater careers and are stereotyped as dramatic and attention-seeking. In a way when we first met Leon, he instantly was all like " you do what i say woman" and magically took her up in the sky to show her the stars. Logically speaking he was just trying to convince her he and the rest of the gods were for real not just trying to kidnap her XD, but the way he did all that was very dramatic and theatrical hahaha. So right off the bat, Leon was very Leo like ASSHOLE edition. In my experience, Leo placement folks are rather generous expressive and kind and although they appear to be self centered, they are kind to their friends and love to share the spotlight. Leon I guess is the kind of Leo who is sick of all this attention due to his powers (if you consider it a power hehe) and thus he wanted to withdraw himself from others and used his powers to appear dominate and in control. Leo energy is very much all about keeping up their reputation and the bad apples of the signs can come across arrogant and egoistic, which Leon shows right off the bat in his route and other routes. Leon's whole purpose is to erase his sin of rejecting true love. Leo archetype is all sharing and expressing love so Leon is basically an unevolved Leo that need to find love for himself once more. Leon was always hard on himself and due to his guilt of indirectly causing a goddess to fall from grace... I don't blame him.

Leon hides the very dark and sad feelings he has and its up to the MC to help him rediscover the true beauty and essence of love. Love does correlate with creative expression that the archetype is all about and I don't blame the king of the heavens casted him away. Leon shouldn't just waste away in self doubt and hide it in shield of aggressiveness and arrogance. Fixed signs in general can have a hard time being open to different perspectives in morale and values and when they are fixed in one way to view the world its a bit of a challenge for them to change it up. This isn’t the say all fixed signs are narrow-minded but when they do change its almost like they go through a metamorphosis and they are better then ever.

Leo is a fire sign and its also fixed, so passion and self expression is strong and upfront. I only met a few introverted Leos and even they have a certain type of stubbornness that is unmatched. Leon takes several chapters to admit his downfalls and give love one more shot. He didn’t believe in true love because all he saw was goddesses lust for his sex and power, so he came to one conclusion that love is not real and he wanted to change the heavens to see through his own image. He even attempted to overthrow the king and take his place. He was someone who thought highly himself and wanted his way only. Its no wonder he is the leader in his department due to his power and charisma that the Leo archetype is all about.

once Leon opened up his cold heart to MC then he is absolved of his sin and he can fully represent the Leo sign. He still is a bit controlling dominate and sadistic (which is why we all secretly love him for hehe) but after he reaches his revelation in love he is more caring generous and kind to the MC. He definitely did a 180 and was more daring and love struck which i can see in Leo placements in general. Leo energy is also known to be wildly sexual and hot and heavy in the bedroom. Leon in some side stories and sequels to his story he definitely is known as an amazing sex god.

The 5th House

This house in astrology is associated with our creative endeavors, hobbies, casual flings, self-expression, and artistic talents. This house is how we standout (or don't standout?) in this world compared to others or audience we are "performing" to. Leo energy is said to be the performers of all the signs so we can imagine that this energy desires to shine through. Leon is the main guy in this story and its no wonder, since he is the route who "outshines" the rest of the guys. Kidding of course LOL, but if you saw the interview of one of the writers of the story, she appeared a bit thirsty for Leon when discussing his storyline. He kept trying to paint the Heroine to be so into him when she got embarrassed over seeing him and Teo having an "orgy" ( like they were just messing around but basically it appeared to be like that LMAO) and even pointed out their bet on the Heroine to be curious and want to "watch their performance". Perhaps she did want to secretly see it but to be accused of such can be humiliating haha. I understand that since I'm a 12th house person ( I'll go over that on Ichthy's analysis if you are unfamiliar with the houses in astrology) I tend to hide my true colors and myself out of shame and insecurity and so seeing Leon being so arrogant and so full of himself rubs me the wrong way and it explains why hes one of my least favorite characters, because he represents everything i shame myself to feeling. Arrogance and cockiness can be seen in the 5th house but remember that is only shown if the said individual is enabled to do so.

Leon represents the side of this house with casual flings and self-expression. He is the head minister of the Wishes department, and even though he acts like he could care less, he is very passionate of his role. All the gods under his department respect him despite his blatant affairs. The fifth house is all about living life to the fullest and expressing ourselves in a way that makes us feel special and unique. The sun rules this house and its no wonder because the sun is the brightest star in our solar system. Leon knows this and it seems he is tired of this yet he still enjoys having the limelight still. This is very stereotypical of Leo energy in general but I feel Leon is just bored of simply getting attention just because he wants to gain attention being unexpected and challenges the King for it by attempting to take his power. I think side stories or his POV route goes over this more but Leon is tired of playing by the rules and he wants to go extreme in order to feel more "alive". From what i heard from others regarding his second season stuff and other side stories, his route is all about the DRAMA and its no wonder he's pushed to be the front man of the game....we all love a hot and dramatic story line for our daily otome hahaha (and if you don’t well....ajfklajlfjakljflajjaklajlGAJJJ lol jk do you boo).

Children also represent this house and normally its associated with your relation with children or how you are as a child. This house also might cue in about your own children if you chose to have any that is. There is a saying that says " Children brighten our world" which is fitting considering what makes us stand out and "bright" is what this house is all about. Leon is not necessarily a big fan of children (unless side stories of his reveal otherwise) but his dramatic and unfiltered comments to the Heroine can be deemed "childlike". Someone correct me but he and Partheno are the only routes that its confirmed the Heroine get preggers right? If not then what i am about to say is invalid but its no wonder Leon's route gets the married with a baby ending. I wonder how he would be as a father? I bet he will shower his child with love tender and care but would also push his child to be the best version of themselves. People in general with personal planets in the 5th house if they decide to have kids, are very good parents and would be the fun mom or dad that encouraged their kids to reach their dreams.

Planets in Leo

Okay so we talked about the archetype of Leo and the house placement and a bit of its ruling planet (the sun) of Leo as well. Now for planet placements. I will only be focusing on the 9 planets astrologers study just to keep things simpler. If anyone wants more of my take on other placements such as Chiron, North node, or even Lilith, let me know I will make a separate post for that. In a birth chart the moment you were born its made by the exact placement the planets are at the time. The sun sign is normally what horoscopes go over but did you know that Venus mars and other planets impact you even more? Since the gods rule their own sign, we can assume their birth chart is all in one sign haha. So I will be going over how Leo energy is played in each planet and how its shown in the entire main story for Leon's route.

Sun in Leo

The sun is considered our sole purpose in our life time. It also is the part of us that is our over all theme of our personality and life choices. It also is what we want to become in the future. The sun sign is normally what horoscopes focus us but the sun sign is only like a summary to our life long autobiography. Sun in Leo is Leo's true home planet and its easier to pick out Leo sun folks especially if their sun sign is positioned between the 1st and 5th houses. Leon is very much the staple of Leo with his arrogance, confidence and need to be dramatic. Though at times he tries to act like he could care less, its soooo obvious he does care about being the center of the Heroine's attention even in the begining of his route XD.

Moon in Leo

The moon sign is known as the "dark side" of your personality. The moon is the hidden sense of self that only your close loved ones or significant others experience. The moon is also associated with the mother or women in your life. The moon is how we react and how we internalize our emotions as well. Most astrologers will look at your moon sign and might come up with what kind of mother or mother figure that raised you, since the mother is the parent that teaches and nurtures us and our emotional well being. Since there was no talk about Leon's parents in the main story (maybe in side stories? ) we will talk about how Leon expresses himself emotionally and how his emotions change based on how the Heroine interacts with him as they get to know each other. I really saw his moon shine when he saw how the Heroine was passionate about helping Her best Friend Hyori's romance life. Normally Leon acts like he could care less but he was being inspired by the Heroine's persistence to make Hyori and her bf to get along again after a big fight. Another example was when Leon openly gives respect to the Heroine in teaching him love and its real meaning. Well go over that more in the Venus section. his emotions are volatile and responds when the heavens started to go against him. Leo moon folks normally are vibrant and warm folks and are good at sharing the lime light over Leo sun folks. Leon even thanks and acknowledges the Heroine for being so strong in the forbidden ending which is the epiphany of how Leo moons show their feelings.

Mercury in Leo

The mercury sign is associated with the conscious mind. This planet is all about how we communicate and retain information within. Mercury also is about our learning style and thinking pattern on a daily and mercury normally is closely aligned with our sun sign. Mercury in Leo are folks that can come across as theatrical and dramatic and are good at gassing themselves and others. The spotlight for this placement is vibrant and fun and Leon at the get go of the route is blunt with the Heroine. He is sadistic in his thinking and has fun being dominant an is very open in dialogue over that. Remeber when Leon would always call out the Heroine when she was distracted or doing something that is laughable? I do remeber her talking to Karno and he so calls out her out being a fickle goldfish. Throughtout his route he communicates with sass and always seems to want to start something. Its no wonder Zyglavis and Scorpio can't stand him, he just sooo full of himself but at least he can back it up being the strongest god in the heavens next to the king himself.

Venus in Leo

Venus is major component that Leon seems to lack connection with in the route. Venus is the planet of love, romance, and short term gains. Its also how we show are love to others and how we expect to be loved back as well in romantic relationships especially. Spolier alert, its love that Leon seems to underestimate love , causing the King of the heavens to kick him out to figure what is loveeeee baby dont hurt me (sorry i had too LOL). Leon doesnt realize this and thought since he did not pleasure the goddess that obsessed over him that was the reason he was cast away from the heavens. The 5th house has a tendency to be more about the fun and thrill regarding love and can get confused with lust. That is what Leon seem to have an issue with, he was so used to being the center of attention due to his power to give absolute pleasure but he always felt like he was being used by others. He wanted more when it comes to love and thats what the Heroine teaches him. Love can come in many different ways and I find Venus in Leo folks love to share the spotlight and help others find love within the best kind of trait in Venus in Leo.

Mars in Leo

Mars is considered the planet of action, agression and sex. Its very much the opposite of Venus. Mars is greatly shown in Leon's route, especially when he decided to fight the King of Heavens. Mars in Leo has a powerful force within any individual that has this placement. Leon's abiliies are known to be the most powerful and every god and goddess fear and respect him. Even Zyglavis the other department head fears him. going back to the concept of love, Leon confuses lust and love and he is apologetically thinks he knows better then what the heroine has to say about love and he gets aggressive if questioned or dissed. Leo placement folks tend to easily get offended and might lash out quickly if anyone questions their stance or actions. Leon is no exception and that plays in the role of fear and respect among all the gods in the heavens.

Jupiter in Leo

Jupiter is the planet of expansion and good fortune. Its the planet in our chart that gives us the most luck and talent wherever its positioned in the chart. I have this placement in my own birth chart (but in retrograde smh lol) and I think its shown in Leon's route with his natural charisma and excellent leadership skills. He might be feared and sought after the most but everyone relies on him the most when the going gets tough in the heavens. Even though he was cast out of the heavens for his sin, the gods still go to him for help as soon as they realize he can still use his powers. He basically is the ace and brings luck to the heavens when the going gets tough.

Saturn in Leo

Saturn is the planet of restrictions and discipline. Its considered the grandfather of all the planets. Leon is put on restriction for loosing interest in love and not doing his job to the fullest. He also is arrogant and looks down on those who don't have power like him. I see the king of heavens being like Saturn in these circumstances for he wants to teach Leon a lesson for getting too full of himself just becauae he has the most power. The entire route is basically synonymous to his Saturn in Leo that teaches him to not get cocky about himself and realize love's true meaning and to share love to all humans to be able to do his job correct. After all he is the head of the department of wishes and how could he grant wishes if he doesn’t even believe in the power of love?

Uranus in Leo

Uranus is considered one of the generational planets of change and humantarian pursuits. In the sign of Leo change is necessary on how you are viewed in the spotlight whether for a good or bad reasons. I think change occurred when Leon and 5 other gods where cut of their powers and had to figure out what their sin they needed to absolved from. Uranus is not comfortable in Leo since Uranus's original ruler is Aquarius, the opposing sign of Leo. So its no wonder Leon tried to fight the King and rallied up the other gods to go against him.

Neptune in Leo

Neptune is also a generational planet of modern day changes and the overall dreams society might strive for as a whole. Leon does have a wish to rule over the heavens and be the strongest god there ever is (spoiler alert he does in the ending of season 2 LOL) and he grows tired of the King of Heaven's sadistic ways so its no wonder he tries to go against him. I also associate Neptune in his job as head minister in department of wishes. Since dreams and wishes tend to intertwine, when it comes to granting wishes he seems to go for those of hidden desires in human's need to be center of attention. He did grant the boys need to get stronger to help his grandma as an example in his route. Wanting to be the center of attention is not inherently bad especially if its where you shine to help others in need and being the "hero".

Pluto in Leo

Now finally the planet of death is here haha that is not to say literal death but it does have association with the death and rebirth cycle. Pluto is the final generational planet that defines the exact generations itself ( such as boomers or generation z ect) each generation brings something new to the society and transformation on how things are change with changing times. Pluto is also represents what we need to change and evolve in our individual placements. Since the gods probably been around from many millions of years so Pluto's effects probably are more immediate then gradual. it took 12 chapters for Leon to learn about love and its true meaning so Pluto's transformation was more immediate for Leon then any human ever lol.

So How Accurate is the Game then?

So is the game accurate in representing Leo? Well that’s subjective they do got the negative stereotypes down of Leo's such as arrogance, over dramatic, and sadism but remember just because that is considered the bad traits doesnt mean all Leo's are like this. I have known a lot of great Leo's that are generous, entertaining and kind. In fact in my experience Leo's shine gives me hope for a better future in humanity itself. I think once Leon does realize the value in true love then that’s when more positive traits of Leo are shown. Leon is not overall horrible character he just has flaws that tend to get excused because he is the main guy and we as consumers that play this game are suppose to not care and want some of that shit he does to us because he is soooo hOt...Which is problematic but isn’t that the tea and Leo energy thrive in the drama in general even if they don't mean too. His route is the most dramatic and its only fitting that its because he's a Leo. Now a friend of mine (shouting out to u @bitch-pinnacle 😍) told me that the gods character design are similar to the Ascendant of each sign. The Ascendant is the sign that reflect your outward demeanor and how you are perceived to others. Finding your ascendant is by knowing your exact time of birth and it starts the entire house system in your birth chart. Leo rising are known to have hair like the mane of a lion and are expressive and lavish looking and tend to attract anyone to them. That definitely sounds like Leon. Even in his god form his hair is all big and long like a Leo rising are said to be like. So overall i think the game is pretty accurate its just that in the get go Leon embodies the negative side of Leo and I can see that rubbing you Leos the wrong way haha. After all if people say unpleasant things about you even if not meaning to can offend you. Leo folks in my experience get readily hurt fast if ridiculed or questioned. After all Leo is the performers of the zodiac and shine the most out in the open.

[cowonaverse]

The Great Outdoors

Been thinking about this for a while, needed to process what’s happened.

Initially, like months ago when corona first reared up as a Thing to Contend With - the fear and panic was so strong that it pushed aside my depression and background anxiety completely.  I had something very tangible and concrete to Worry About.  Not only that, there was so much unknown that it seemed conceivably cataclysmic, like... it’s all over and done.  That is still in the mix of possibilities, but it’s much more of a mix these days and not so prominent a conclusion.  But still there.  

Anyway, in a home with another person freaking out who isn’t used to freaking out means managing his reactions first.  Securing the food supply seemed primary.  Starting to grow things at home seemed Important.  What I understand is that this is just seeking agency and control in a time of chaos.  But gestures matter, even to myself.  I am not afraid to do for myself if needed.  I grew up on my Grandma’s farm as a young teen.  I spent a summer as an intern preparing and maintaining bean cultivars for study at Tuskegee University.  I majored in Biology as an undergraduate at the University of Maryland Baltimore County.  I have graduate training within a laboratory setting and can pay attention to such needed details that establish and maintain living systems.

This is what I told myself, at least.  All this experience was well over 25 years ago and I’ve since lived as an artist, teacher and illustrator - basically another lifetime.  But I’m confident in my abilities to make - and make do - with my hands.  On the other hand, Saul is an architect.   He is a designer, not an implementer.   His training produces systems that others then render.  He knows how things should work and why things might fail, but it’s mediated through contractors and clients, and according to building code given to him.  There isn’t much tolerance for the scientific method of inquiry and curiosity, or artistic process.  The buildings have to stand and function, the first time, and every time.

So when confronted with chaos and systemic failures, Saul freaks out.  He was having regular, full-on panic attacks at first.  We fought and argued out of fear and then came back together, clinging again out that same fear.  

What I first recalled was my seventh grade science class, when we germinated beans in damp folded paper towels and then grew them to demonstrate basic botanical processes.  I suggested we go through the house for all whole seeds and try this to see what we can grow ourselves.  In retrospect, this is ludicrous.  Farming a few things from the spice rack is not going to sustain anybody, not to mention a household of two people and three cats.

But you have to recall the upheaval and urgency of those first few days.  Hunkering down and keeping busy with anything that seemed to suggest growth and tomorrow was vital, at least to me.  In some ways it was a relief to have to set aside my own neurotic issues to attend to these little mustard seeds and my partner and my cats.  And as the project grew and developed, this was the initial reward: Doing Something Intentional Towards Tomorrow was useful because it modelled the behavior of resilience and hope.  Even if it wasn’t actually practical, it was a rehearsal for a worldview concerned with survival.

I was still teaching students via online classes and it was useful to tell them what we were doing.  The narrative of growing things in the back bedroom was a good story, for the moment - for that very specific moment.

In the end, now, months later: we are participating in a local farm share with actual farmers who know what they are actually doing to produce actual food.  But by now I’ve learned to can and pickle and preserve things, I can bake and sew my own mask.  Here’s the thing: I dabbled in using my art to address my anxieties and it led me to gaining some small set of skills in a variety of projects.  Skills that now I can use For Real.  But what was always in question was who is it all for.  

What I’ve noticed, at least with Saul, is that he doesn’t initiate and get his hands dirty.  But.  Only at first, once I model behavior and demonstrate that there can be a pattern at work, a way of doing and understanding - then he is able to apply his considerable experience with systems and practicality to get it done right and better.  He saw me making and painting, fumbling around with my works and insights.  Then he tried it, made a body of work, participated in open studios, sold some pieces and was able to articulate his artistry in his own words.  I helped him with that, at first directly, then backing off and continuing on my own things but visibly now with him as a peer.

I started growing things and he looked at me doing that, saw it was possible and started doing it himself.  His plants are thriving and doing much, much better than mine.  I helped him with that when he finally wanted to try, he hasn’t done anything like this before in his life.  My earliest memory is reaching out to eat a cherry tomato in the community garden my parents participated in.  We talked about this while working together to sow some radishes he wants to grow. He said he thought he didn’t have a “green thumb” and avoided trying to grow anything.  His radishes are already out of the ground and happily thriving while mine have long since died off.

I have my accomplishments, but I have just as many failures.  I’m trying to be self-aware about what I’m doing and get help and training as I can.  It does help me feel better, day to day - but what I’m seeing is that it is helping Saul feel like he can do it too.  And when he does, he is actually really good at it.  He saw me sewing my fursuit and trying to apply that understanding to sewing my mask for covid.  A few weeks later, I’m helping him make them and his designs are better and neater and fit.  But I sat with him to go over the different options and we looked at the scientific papers about materials and filters and what covid is and how it works and what a filter is and how they work.  Like, we dug for the primary research.  He wouldn’t think to do that, but I’m not afraid of scientific papers and untangling technical things like that.  But he took all that understanding and made a better system of implementation than what I was able to do.  His masks are the ones we use, mine is an interesting sculptural piece and memento of this time.

My efforts to bake and can things worked at first, but the real success is that it prompted him to get involved and do it better.  What I made in the beginning functioned symbolically as self-sustaining, forward looking effort.  What he is doing now puts actual calories into the body better.

We fight over nuance that doesn’t matter, but the broad rhythm of collaboration has been that I do it first: I show that it’s possible which addresses his fear and pessimism, but then he gains confidence and does it better which addresses my impracticality and romanticism.

I am reminded of what I know to be the great biological divide between human beings: those able to tolerate ambiguity and those who can’t.  This is more fundamental than any other means of sorting and categorizing people.  Certain people have brains that light up for clarity and some light up for vagary.

This is the tension between staying in the cave and leaving the cave.  Speaking in prehistoric terms, the basic tension the human animal first knows upon becoming self-aware is how to deal with it’s own mortality.  Staying in the cave is the known quantity: it’s safe because there are no surprises, all issues are obvious and manageable and contained.  The problem of course is that the cave doesn’t have all the things you need to thrive.  Leaving the cave is the unknown quanity: it’s safe because you can be nimble and adjust freely, taking advantage of chance resources and opportunity.  The problem of course is that outside the cave are predators and dangers and the whole chaotic universe out to kill you.

My first inclination to grow food inside the house was basically Chris falling back to staying in the cave.  But as it turns out, plants still fail, the cat still gets in and trashes the crops, not enough light gets in, seeds are limited, resources run out, all manner of chaos still creeps in and undermines the effort.  So many stories have already been told about this.  Eden does not work, the perfect bubble world does not work.  The Island of Dr. Moreau is a horror story.  It is not particularly insightful for me to realize that locking things down to a controlled interior system is impossible or festering and that some tolerance for calamity has to happen for life to thrive.  I was worried about the New England weather wrecking things outside, but our radiator kicking on too high did the same thing.  I was worried about squirrels getting at our food, but our cat did the same.  I’m worried about advertising resources in a racist malignant society during the end times of social collapse and mass hunger, but our neighbors are also properly growing crops in their backyard as are many other houses on our street (and have for years), and our home is right up against an elementary school that also has a happy garden in view from our kitchen.

I was worried so much about the chaos outside that I was blind to the obvious truth that there is chaos inside as well.  The point is that it’s all part of the same messy thing.  Inside the cave and outside the cave are the same.  There is no inside or outside, and that is the point.  At least outside, the plants can get much more sun and so can I, the rain and weather are cooperating.  I had to learn that I don’t actually grow anything, the plants grow themselves, I just have to witness and shepherd that activity, but it’s already gonna do what it needs to do if I let it.

So much about art making seems to be about demonstrating control: over technique, over materials or concept, over a viewer or critic, over a political narrative.  But once you exhaust the resources in the cave, you have to go out and risk and be surprised and find new caves and new vistas and so on.  And it’s not because you know you’ll be safe, but because that is never possible to know.  What I’m learning is to go with another and to sincerely make that effort important and sufficiently rewarding itself.

It is just nicer now outside on the back porch.  The plants that were struggling inside are all booming now.  The wind is nice.  Seeing Saul’s plants pop up and surpass mine are nice.  It’s heading into summer and everything is warm and radiant.  I can hear sirens in the distance and the news is still the news and autumn and winter are right there on calendar, but I’m making my art, learning as I go.  I’m also aware that I’m not unique in any of this, other people have been doing this exact stuff and that’s comforting when I need to feel aligned with others and social.  When I need to look into myself and address my particular quirks I can do that too.  

 The food is better these days.  

[bregee13]

There's no need to fear! Rapoman is here!

Oh wow a fictional character I made for a fictional world! Hooray! 

This is concept art of a superhero I call RapoMan. His secret identity? Well I'm not sure about his name yet... (I came up with Kem Spill. Let me know if that's any good lol)

Backstory? He was a regular Raposa. He's a bit of a timid, clumsy guy. He worked closely with various chemicals. While he is very clever, little to nobody at his job liked him. The people around him just mocked him and pushed him around (he's a pushover). 

One day a handful of his coworkers plotted to try and do experiments on him, in hopes they could change him (or at the very least make a quick buck somehow). After struggling free from his captors, he fell in a puddle of spilt radioactive material. When he got up from the ground, he felt different. He no longer felt weak, he was strong; his vision was perfect; and most importantly, he felt determined to fight against those who wronged him. 

Once he brought his coworkers to justice, he reverted back to his previous self. But every time he sees any sort of criminal wrongdoing, he gains the confidence to turn into RapoMan. 

His abilities? Well, I don't think I should make them too consistent since he's intended to be a superhero character for children (And that he was based on/parodying Superman and Underdog). But I think I should list out some basics.

His abilities include super strength, the power of flight, xray vision, super hearing, and acid spit. And while not technically a superpower, he gains the overwhelming determination and confidence to fight for justice. 

Although he's a superhero, he does have some setbacks. When in his superhero form, he is unable to lie. He is also forced to speak in rhyme. 

The amount of time he is in RapoMan form is limited. If in that form for a very long time, it is possible for his powers to weaken and eventually force him to revert to normal. Under normal circumstances, he'd need to rest in order to turn into RapoMan again. However, it is possible to reset his powers temporarily. If he ingests/ is exposed to the same substance that gave him powers, he will be forced into RapoMan form. (However, doing this results in adding to his exhaustion after it wears off. So he can't just be RapoMan forever. If he tried to do that, he could get really sick and die.) 

Because of his job, he is easily able to recreate the same substance that gave him powers. He can even make it in multiple forms including but not limited to; pills, drinks, and cakes.

It is also possible (Although difficult) to force RapoMan back to normal prematurely. This is done by provoking his fears and insecurities (Most of which lie in his normal day to day life).

This is what I have about RapoMan so far. However there's some things I want to add about RapoMan's surroundings and general existence.

RapoMan is a fictional character in the Raposa world. He has a series of comics, a cartoon, and a bunch of merchandise. (One of my ocs is actually a huge fan of RapoMan, that's why RapoMan exists)

(Speaking of that oc, his name is Lucas. But this post isn't about him. Though I will say that he owns an action figure of RapoMan that had a limited run. This is due to the figure having multiple errors. Including some of it's colors being swapped, as well as one of it's arms being too short.)

RapoMan's comics and cartoons also have a damsel in distress (who I haven't come up with anything for yet). Despite her often being called a 'love interest' for RapoMan, he doesn't see her as more than a friend. 

The people who initially kidnapped RapoMan are recurring villains in the series. (There's other recurring villains, but I didn't come up with them yet).

Sometimes RapoMan is shown to have a sidekick. (The sidekick is very rarely shown in most RapoMan adaptations. He just wasn't that popular. But he has just enough fans to show up occasionally.) The sidekick's backstory? He was a good friend of RapoMan (or rather he was a good friend of Kem), and he (against Kem's wishes) ingested some of the special radioactive substance. After a painful reaction, he ended up gaining powers of his own. Including the ability to shout horribly loud, and the power to generate fire. (While he was originally overly curious, experimental, and understanding; his super form is loud, skeptical, and comes to conclusions too quickly.)

Before the sidekick knew Kem's hero identity, Kem said the substance he sometimes took was either medication, vitamins, or energy drinks depending on how he took it.

Oh! And fun fact! RapoMan likes to take form inside phone booths! And he always destroys them! Telephone companies hate him! But he uses the fact RapoMan doesn't have an address or identity as an excuse!

[chatterbox-meta]

Katsuki Bakugou and The Five Stages  of Grief

Or, the essay in which I argue Bakugou was a great character way before S3 rolled around. The title will become relevant eventually. Speaking of, the following contains spoilers for the entirety of the My Hero Academia anime (S1-S3) and some mild spoilers for the manga. I repeat, this is an in-depth analysis of Bakugou’s entire journey.

(Originally submitted anonymously to @heroes-never-discourse over here.)

In the early parts of My Hero Academia, Katsuki Bakugou was defined almost completely by his role in Deku’s underdog story - as an obstacle in Deku’s path to becoming a hero, an arrogant bully and therefore an antagonist you really want to see go down. And he served that role really well, but there wasn’t much more to him. And what little insight we got into his character didn’t make a lot of sense. Why would he think Deku was hiding his Quirk all this time? He hates Deku for wanting to help him up, fucking really? And he doesn’t even have a tragic backstory! Etc. etc. The audience was left with the impression that he’s just a cruel spoiled brat lashing out because the kid he hates for being Quirkless won’t let him do what he wants. That he wants the number one spot because he believes he deserves it. That impression slowly started to change when Bakugou defied expectations by refusing to join the League of Villains just to get more power. Then, it was completely flipped on its head when Deku vs Kacchan revealed that Bakugou never hated Deku for being Quirkless, but that he was always afraid that Deku, despite being Quirkless and clumsy and a crybaby, had whatever it takes to overtake him, knew it, and looked down on Bakugou for it. Of course, Deku’s reply is “I wanted to surpass you because I thought you were amazing, not weak, you fucking asshole” (paraphrased, obviously lol), but that’s not the point. The point is that the audience finally has what was missing from Bakugou’s early characterization - context. With that context, the underlying setup for his character arc becomes visible. Let’s go back to the beginning and take a closer look!

When we first meet Bakugou, he seems completely secure in his place in the world. He’s loud, brash and at his most arrogant. But when the teacher reveals that Deku wants to go to U.A. just like him, he doesn’t laugh along with the rest of the class, he’s shocked for a moment and then he flips his shit, to the point of telling Deku he has a better chance of getting a Quirk and being a hero in his next life. The first time, it’s just meant to make us hate him. In hindsight, with context, it’s the first crack in Bakugou’s facade. I’m not saying Bakugou’s arrogance is fake. He wouldn’t care so much about being the best if he wasn’t prideful, but let’s put it this way: Deku’s confidence is a foundation being built brick by brick, while Bakugou’s is a tower of cards. And all because when they were kids Deku cast doubt on that security in his place in the world, making him doubt whether the things he was praised for all his life meant anything at all, if he was weak despite being strong. However, Bakugou is still in denial of these doubts and fears when the series begins. The Sludge Villain incident and Deku rescuing him bring them to the surface, but he quickly pushes them down again by pretending he totally could have handled it himself (though he knows he couldn’t, which is why he doesn’t accept the praise from the pro-heroes on the scene) and avoiding Deku. But then Deku suddenly gets a Quirk and Bakugou is furious. He accuses Deku of hiding his Quirk all this time and laughing behind his back. Again, on a first viewing, this just sounds like Insane Troll Logic, but knowing that Bakugou always feared Deku had some hidden strength, it makes sense he’d connect that with One For All’s sudden appearance. (Though it’s still not a reasonable conclusion since it’s based on a false premise lmao.) During Deku vs Kacchan Part 1, Bakugou can no longer deny what he thinks is the truth about Deku, so he lashes out. It’s his last chance to make Deku give up on being a hero. He’s not just looking to beat up Deku, though, he wants Deku to fight back, to show him that power so Bakugou can snuff it out. After all, a victory over an opponent who’s holding back isn’t a victory at all. But Deku does hold back, focusing on his mission, and in doing so, defeats Bakugou. And it’s here that Bakugou’s security in his place in the world is completely shattered, not just by Deku, but also by seeing other students, especially Todoroki, whom he doesn’t think he can beat. He can no longer deny it and his anger has only blinded him to the path of true victory, as Yaoyorozu points out. And Bakugou, despite all appearances, can take criticism and learn from his mistakes. In the aftermath, both Deku and Bakugou basically declare war on each other, but despite Deku saying he’ll surpass him, Bakugou feels that their situation is flipped. That Deku is the one who’s ahead and Bakugou’s the one scrambling to catch up. (I don’t think he realises that during the time spent chasing Deku, he’ll work harder and grow more than he has in a decade.) And he wants to catch up. Despite his sense of self as a winner being taken from him, Bakugou is not willing to let it go. And the Sports Festival is Bakugou’s attempt to regain it. It’s a bargain. He has a pretty detailed and strict set of rules for that, too. First, he’ll announce that he’ll take the number one spot to the entire stadium. As Deku points out, he’s not bragging, he’s pushing himself, knowing he’ll look like a complete tool if he loses after a declaration like that. Secondly, he has to defeat Deku or Todoroki (or both), the people he perceives as the greatest threats. Finally, he has to win against all of his opponents at their best. If he fails at any of those things, if he doesn’t prove himself to be the indisputable strongest, he will have failed, completely. This period of the story also showcases a subtle shift in his personality, one that was already somewhat visible during the USJ arc. Bakugou was never stupid, but asides from designing his weapons and costume for maximum efficiency (seriously, despite looking exactly like what happens when you give an edgy 15-year-old free reign to design a costume, his is the most utilitarian, mitigating recoil and absorbing sweat and all that), he used to rely solely on his admittedly above-average combat skills. But the fight against Deku proved that it wouldn’t be enough, so he (probably subconsciously) takes a page out of his book and starts carefully analysing his opponents’ moves to find their weaknesses. He’s also rather less nasty. He isn’t kinder or more polite, but he doesn’t go out of his way to be cruel. And he’s starting to look around himself and see other people, recognizing their strengths, if only so he knows how to beat them (he doesn’t underestimate any of his opponents) or use them to his advantage (Cavalry Battle).  This is also when his friendship with Kirishima officially starts, since Kiri approached him as an ally. Unfortunately, he’s still a disrespectful tyrant in an environment where people aren’t willing to follow him just because, and he doesn’t deal with that well, exposing himself to be a huge antisocial weirdo when he’s not in control. For me, this was when I started to like Bakugou as a character. He still didn’t seem great without the context provided later, but his personality wasn’t just “Deku’s bully,” as he interacted with people other than him. Back on track, all of this is particularly emphasized during his fight with Uraraka. Just like in his fight with Deku, he’s giving it his all not because he enjoys beating up the weak, but because he knows his opponent is stronger than she looks.* Unlike the fight with Deku though, he has no grudge that makes him act like a rabid animal and isn’t letting his guard down for a second. And when it’s over, he’s disappointed because he’s gained respect for Uraraka and was excited to fight her. (*Though maybe that is an overly charitable interpretation of DvK1 lmao.)

Soon afterwards, Deku loses to Todoroki, but not before making him use his fire side. So all Bakugou has to do to complete his mission is defeat Todoroki. Bakugou isn’t upset that Deku lost, after all, he didn’t believe he himself could win against Todoroki’s ice alone before.

But he does. And he’s not satisfied. Because he didn’t beat Todoroki at his full power since he, due to personal issues, couldn’t bring himself to use his fire side, which he did against Deku. Yes, Deku lost after Todoroki used it, but he forced Todoroki to give him all he’s got, something Bakugou couldn’t do. To him, it’s like losing to Deku by proxy.

(He probably thinks Todoroki didn’t use his fire because he didn’t see Bakugou as worth it, unlike with Deku, but the actual reason is that Bakugou couldn’t reach out to him the way Deku could. That’s what he’s missing, he just doesn’t know it yet.)

Okay, so, Bakugou wins the Sports Festival, but fails to accomplish what he set out to do. He feels desperate and lashes out again. Though I actually doubt he would have kept beating Todoroki’s corpse (so to speak), he’s put to sleep just in case and chained up for the ceremony like a wild beast. Certain people take notice.

Before, that, though, it’s time for some work experience! He’s still behind Deku, but maybe working for the number three hero will help him! Wait, what do you mean, Deku is out there improving his fighting style by copying Bakugou’s moves (and Gran Torino’s, and also fighting a literal serial killer, but Bakugou doesn’t know that), while Bakugou is - what, modeling jeans?!

In fairness, Best Jeanist’s intent was to teach him to be respectable, but, like, he came up to a delinquent teenager and told him he should overhaul his entire look and personality, what did he expect was going to happen? XD

Ooooh, but this next part is super interesting. The End of Term Exam. Deku and Kacchan vs All Might.

The in-universe reason for having these two team up is something like “Bakugou needs to learn to work with someone he doesn’t like and Deku needs to assert himself and force an uncooperative teammate to work with him.” Both of those are likely scenarios in their future careers. The narrative reason, however, is twofold.

Firstly, before this point, Deku and Bakugou have grown mostly separately from each other. This means that while they’ve changed individually, their relationship didn’t. And it has to. Bakugou’s issues with Deku were actually only made worse due to how far behind he thinks he’s fallen, so he attempts to prove he can defeat All Might on his own. When Deku objects, Bakugou even relapses into his cruel personality and pretty much bitchslaps him. Deku can fight back now, but he doesn’t want to, he wants to talk.

Secondly, the fact that they’re teamed up against All Might is vital. Because while there were hints of it beforehand, this is the first time we learn about the two sides of All Might that Deku and Bakugou admire - saving and winning. Deku wants to save people, but hesitates to take on All Might, even though escaping him would be impossible. But he doesn’t run, because Bakugou doesn’t. That is our first glimpse into what Deku admires in Bakugou and what he can learn from him.

However, Bakugou charges at All Might alone and predictably gets the crap kicked out of him. Even though he’s beaten to the point of vomiting, Bakugou refuses Deku’s help (saving), saying that he would rather lose. This is when Deku punches him, and not just to get him away from All Might or because Bakugou hit him earlier, but because he doesn’t want Bakugou to give up on the one thing Deku’s always admired about him.

Bakugou seems to remember himself then. He remembers that he’s the guy who wins, at all costs. Even if it means accepting Deku’s help. Oh, but not just that - he starts emulating Deku in turn. He sacrifices his protection from pain by giving his gauntlet to Deku and making bigger and bigger explosions. When Deku uses the gauntlet, he hurts his shoulder from the recoil, but Bakugou should already be used to the strain, so how far is he going for his arms to hurt?

…Yeah, okay maybe the whole “break all your bones to achieve your goal” isn’t the part of Deku he should be emulating, but the saving part? Absolutely. And he does emulate it, when he jumps in front of a blow meant for Deku and gets smashed into the ground so Deku can get to the gate. Deku being Deku decides to attack All Might so he can carry Bakugou to safety with him. They win by saving and save by winning.

This fight was a pivotal moment for both characters as it shows what their relationship has the potential to become. Though Bakugou probably doesn’t realise it because he’s too busy thinking he failed by accepting Deku’s help. Yet it’s his greatest victory yet.

Speaking of pivotal moments, summer arrives and Bakugou gets kidnapped by the League of Villains. Deku tries to save him, but he tells him to stay away. The others take this to mean Bakugou is too prideful to be saved by Deku yet again, but while that might be partially true, I think it has more to do with the guy whose name literally means “cremation” holding him by the neck and Deku having two broken arms, fucking moron, stay away.

Anyway, in the villains’ hideout, Bakugou is offered a chance to join the League. He refuses immediately and attacks Shigaraki despite being outnumbered, even refusing to lie to get out of trouble. He then explains that he’ll never join the villains, not just because of Shigaraki’s less-than stellar persuasion skills (seriously, Bakugou’s the last person to believe he’s “wronged” by society), but because he wants to win like All Might, like a hero.

This is supposed to be a big twist on a first viewing, but if you pay attention to everything beforehand, it really shouldn’t be. Bakugou has many flaws, but his ambition was never portrayed as a bad thing and now, it’s what’s keeping him from throwing in the towel and becoming a villain.

(Also, I don’t know how anyone thought he’d pull a Sasuke, it would make no narrative sense. Like, the reason Sasuke joining the villains had any impact was because him and Naruto were friends, Bakugou joining Deku’s enemies would have changed what exactly? Lmao.)

So the heroes arrive to the rescue, but All For One appears and they’re all in even deeper shit now. All Might can’t go all out because he’s busy protecting Bakugou, who’s busy holding off the League who presumably want to make him into a Noumu now. Luckily, the Rescue Squad comes blasting through the sky with Kirishima’s outstretched hand. Bakugou takes it. I shouldn’t have to explain why that’s important.

Despite being free to go all out, All Might can’t defeat All For One and his true form is revealed. This is Bakugou’s first time seeing the greatest hero be vulnerable and things look bad. The crowd is desperately cheering All Might on and both Bakugou and Deku are screaming for All Might to win. Which he does. But he’s spent and he points to the cameras saying “you’re next.” Everyone starts cheering, except for Deku, who bursts into tears, and Bakugou, who looks pensive.

When they get back, Bakugou is nicer than normal. He cheers up the class using Kaminari and gives Kirishima money for a new camera as a way to thank them for risking their lives and careers to save him. He respects All Might’s decision not to tell him about Deku and OFA and verbally thanks him for saving him.

This is because Bakugou ended up taking this entire fiasco as his greatest failure yet. DvK1, the Sports Festival, the End of Term Exam - all of it pales in comparison. If he didn’t get himself kidnapped, his idol wouldn’t have lost his powers in order to save him and society would still have its Symbol of Peace. That’s right, society is in disarray and they must all think that it’s his fault. Whether or not it actually is his fault is besides the point, what matters is that he thinks it is.

What’s worse is that he knows Deku now has that power. His worst fear has come true. But he can’t talk to anyone about it, so he tries to bury it. He’s been in denial before, he can do it again, right?

No. It’s always on his mind. And I think this was the reason why he was so harsh on the pretend hostages during the Provisional Hero License Exam. It wasn’t (just) his usual jackassery, he screamed at them to save themselves because that’s what he thinks he should have done. Unfortunately, it’s what caused him to fail the exam.

Now, he’s failed plenty of times, just recently caused the end of All Might, surely that’s nothing? But Deku passed the exam and Bakugou has never been more aware of Deku’s back, getting further and further away. That was the last nail in the coffin.

He goes to confront Deku at Ground Beta, the site of DvK1, to get some answers about him and All Might. And so Deku vs Kacchan Part 2 begins.

I won’t repeat what I’ve already said about what’s revealed in this fight, but I’ll elaborate on what Bakugou wants from it. First of all, he didn’t go into it expecting to win. He’s already lost - he ended All Might and Deku was chosen as his protégé. What Bakugou wants is to know why. He’s always feared that Deku was worthy somehow, but he could never put his finger on what made him worthy.

Why did Deku lose? If he’s the true hero, he should have won. Surely that idea is not wrong. Bakugou won, but he’s not satisfied, he knows he’s missing something.

Why did the kid he spent ten years trying to put far behind him overtake him? Why did Deku become the prodigy and Bakugou the failure? Yes, after spending most of the series fighting tooth and nail to hold onto his image as the strong one, he’s accepted that he’s weak, he’s despairing, but why?

All Might provides the answer that was blindingly obvious to anyone but Bakugou. Deku had the heart of a true hero, even though he lacked the power to win and that made him worthy. but Bakugou’s view of a hero that always wins wasn’t wrong either. It was just incomplete, just as Deku’s was. But together, learning from each other, they can be the greatest heroes the world has ever seen.

And with all of their complicated emotions that have been festering for years out of the way, they can finally move forward. Bakugou can finally accept his weaknesses to make himself stronger, he can finally accept Deku as a rival who pushes him forward instead of a threat. And he can support Deku in turn, he does need to make up for years of pushing him down.

…

I think this is as good a time as any to go back to the title of this meta. The five stages of grief are, well, exactly as it sounds, the five steps of the grieving process: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Despair and Acceptance. Not necessarily in that order. Bakugou spends most of his time pinballing between the first three, actually. Yet his overall character arc, spanning the time between chapter one and DvK2, still follows roughly that formula.

But what is he grieving? Well, grief is a general feeling of loss and Bakugou is grieving the slow loss of his identity. Ever since he was a child, he’d put so much stock into his strength and abilities to the point that he didn’t know who he’d be without being the best. Bakugou has no Freudian Excuse, he’s pretty much had it all, yet when I was watching DvK2, I didn’t see a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get an honor he didn’t deserve. I saw a lost kid who doesn’t even know who he is anymore.

But as painful as all that was, it was ultimately for his own good. His fragile ego needed to be broken in order for Bakugou to rebuild himself into a stronger, kinder, better person. He needed to pick up the pieces that were still useful and fill in the gaps with things he learned from All Might. From Deku.

And the manga is already delivering on that. Bakugou does take a backseat for the next few arcs, but when he appears, he’s always seen making a concentrated effort to be better. I think that’s when his “redemption” truly starts, previously him becoming a better person was more of a side effect of everything else going on and he was dragged into it kicking and screaming.

Bakugou gives comfort and encouragement to Kirishima prior to his internship. He waits up for the interns with the others.

He listens to Todoroki when he suggests a better way to deal with children than physical discipline. He warns a child that reminds him of his past self that if he’s always looking down on people, he’ll be blind to his own weakness.

He integrates himself into the class during the Culture Festival, getting offended on their behalf - because they’re not extras, he’s one of them, now - when the other classes blame them for villain attacks. He listens to Jirou when she tells him to stop improvising because, as a drummer, he’s the support, not the lead.

Finally, he looks out for anyone in danger and jumps in to save them and lets himself be saved in turn. He keeps an eye on Deku and tries to aid his progress, like he promised.

Of course, he’s still got a long way to go. He’s still rough around the edges and he does have a literal decade to make up for, but I believe he will. With him being in on the secret and getting his license, it’s about time he and Deku get into hot water with the League again.

But everything that’s happened so far has been built up from Day One. This is Katsuki Bakugou. In hindsight.

~B

[heroes-never-discourse]

Katsuki Bakugou and The Five Stages of Grief

Or, the essay in which I argue Bakugou was a great character way before S3 rolled around. The title will become relevant eventually. Speaking of, the following contains spoilers for the entirety of the My Hero Academia anime (S1-S3) and some mild spoilers for the manga.

In the early parts of My Hero Academia, Katsuki Bakugou was defined almost completely by his role in Deku’s underdog story - as an obstacle in Deku’s path to becoming a hero, an arrogant bully and therefore an antagonist you really want to see go down. And he served that role really well, but there wasn't much more to him. And what little insight we got into his character didn’t make a lot of sense. Why would he think Deku was hiding his Quirk all this time? He hates Deku for wanting to help him up, fucking really? And he doesn't even have a tragic backstory! Etc. etc. The audience was left with the impression that he’s just a cruel spoiled brat lashing out because the kid he hates for being Quirkless won’t let him do what he wants. That he wants the number one spot because he believes he deserves it. That impression slowly started to change when Bakugou defied expectations by refusing to join the League of Villains just to get more power. Then, it was completely flipped on its head when Deku vs Kacchan revealed that Bakugou never hated Deku for being Quirkless, but that he was always afraid that Deku, despite being Quirkless and clumsy and a crybaby, had whatever it takes to overtake him, knew it, and looked down on Bakugou for it. Of course, Deku’s reply is “I wanted to surpass you because I thought you were amazing, not weak, you fucking asshole” (paraphrased, obviously lol), but that’s not the point. The point is that the audience finally has what was missing from Bakugou’s early characterization - context. With that context, the underlying setup for his character arc becomes visible. Let’s go back to the beginning and take a closer look! When we first meet Bakugou, he seems completely secure in his place in the world. He’s loud, brash and at his most arrogant. But when the teacher reveals that Deku wants to go to U.A. just like him, he doesn’t laugh along with the rest of the class, he’s shocked for a moment and then he flips his shit, to the point of telling Deku he has a better chance of getting a Quirk and being a hero in his next life. The first time, it’s just meant to make us hate him. In hindsight, with context, it’s the first crack in Bakugou’s facade. I’m not saying Bakugou’s arrogance is fake. He wouldn’t care so much about being the best if he wasn’t prideful, but let’s put it this way: Deku’s confidence is a foundation being built brick by brick, while Bakugou’s is a tower of cards. And all because when they were kids Deku cast doubt on that security in his place in the world, making him doubt whether the things he was praised for all his life meant anything at all, if he was weak despite being strong. However, Bakugou is still in denial of these doubts and fears when the series begins. The Sludge Villain incident and Deku rescuing him bring them to the surface, but he quickly pushes them down again by pretending he totally could have handled it himself (though he knows he couldn’t, which is why he doesn’t accept the praise from the pro-heroes on the scene) and avoiding Deku. But then Deku suddenly gets a Quirk and Bakugou is furious. He accuses Deku of hiding his Quirk all this time and laughing behind his back. Again, on a first viewing, this just sounds like Insane Troll Logic, but knowing that Bakugou always feared Deku had some hidden strength, it makes sense he’d connect that with One For All’s sudden appearance. (Though it’s still not a reasonable conclusion since it’s based on a false premise lmao.) During Deku vs Kacchan Part 1, Bakugou can no longer deny what he thinks is the truth about Deku, so he lashes out. It’s his last chance to make Deku give up on being a hero. He’s not just looking to beat up Deku, though, he wants Deku to fight back, to show him that power so Bakugou can snuff it out. After all, a victory over an opponent who’s holding back isn’t a victory at all. But Deku does hold back, focusing on his mission, and in doing so, defeats Bakugou. And it’s here that Bakugou’s security in his place in the world is completely shattered, not just by Deku, but also by seeing other students, especially Todoroki, whom he doesn’t think he can beat. He can no longer deny it and his anger has only blinded him to the path of true victory, as Yaoyorozu points out. And Bakugou, despite all appearances, can take criticism and learn from his mistakes. In the aftermath, both Deku and Bakugou basically declare war on each other, but despite Deku saying he’ll surpass him, Bakugou feels that their situation is flipped. That Deku is the one who’s ahead and Bakugou’s the one scrambling to catch up. (I don’t think he realises that during the time spent chasing Deku, he’ll work harder and grow more than he has in a decade.) And he wants to catch up. Despite his sense of self as a winner being taken from him, Bakugou is not willing to let it go. And the Sports Festival is Bakugou’s attempt to regain it. It’s a bargain. He has a pretty detailed and strict set of rules for that, too. First, he’ll announce that he’ll take the number one spot to the entire stadium. As Deku points out, he’s not bragging, he’s pushing himself, knowing he’ll look like a complete tool if he loses after a declaration like that. Secondly, he has to defeat Deku or Todoroki (or both), the people he perceives as the greatest threats. Finally, he has to win against all of his opponents at their best. If he fails at any of those things, if he doesn’t prove himself to be the indisputable strongest, he will have failed, completely. This period of the story also showcases a subtle shift in his personality, one that was already somewhat visible during the USJ arc. Bakugou was never stupid, but asides from designing his weapons and costume for maximum efficiency (seriously, despite looking exactly like what happens when you give an edgy 15-year-old free reign to design a costume, his is the most utilitarian, mitigating recoil and absorbing sweat and all that), he used to rely solely on his admittedly above-average combat skills. But the fight against Deku proved that it wouldn’t be enough, so he (probably subconsciously) takes a page out of his book and starts carefully analysing his opponents’ moves to find their weaknesses. He’s also rather less nasty. He isn’t kinder or more polite, but he doesn’t go out of his way to be cruel. And he’s starting to look around himself and see other people, recognizing their strengths, if only so he knows how to beat them (he doesn’t underestimate any of his opponents) or use them to his advantage (Cavalry Battle).  This is also when his friendship with Kirishima officially starts, since Kiri approached him as an ally. Unfortunately, he’s still a disrespectful tyrant in an environment where people aren’t willing to follow him just because, and he doesn’t deal with that well, exposing himself to be a huge antisocial weirdo when he’s not in control. For me, this was when I started to like Bakugou as a character. He still didn’t seem great without the context provided later, but his personality wasn’t just “Deku’s bully,” as he interacted with people other than him. Back on track, all of this is particularly emphasized during his fight with Uraraka. Just like in his fight with Deku, he’s giving it his all not because he enjoys beating up the weak, but because he knows his opponent is stronger than she looks.* Unlike the fight with Deku though, he has no grudge that makes him act like a rabid animal and isn’t letting his guard down for a second. And when it’s over, he’s disappointed because he’s gained respect for Uraraka and was excited to fight her. (*Though maybe that is an overly charitable interpretation of DvK1 lmao.)

Soon afterwards, Deku loses to Todoroki, but not before making him use his fire side. So all Bakugou has to do to complete his mission is defeat Todoroki. Bakugou isn’t upset that Deku lost, after all, he didn’t believe he himself could win against Todoroki’s ice alone before.

But he does. And he’s not satisfied. Because he didn’t beat Todoroki at his full power since he, due to personal issues, couldn’t bring himself to use his fire side, which he did against Deku. Yes, Deku lost after Todoroki used it, but he forced Todoroki to give him all he’s got, something Bakugou couldn’t do. To him, it’s like losing to Deku by proxy.

(He probably thinks Todoroki didn’t use his fire because he didn’t see Bakugou as worth it, unlike with Deku, but the actual reason is that Bakugou couldn’t reach out to him the way Deku could. That’s what he’s missing, he just doesn’t know it yet.)

Okay, so, Bakugou wins the Sports Festival, but fails to accomplish what he set out to do. He feels desperate and lashes out again. Though I actually doubt he would have kept beating Todoroki’s corpse (so to speak), he’s put to sleep just in case and chained up for the ceremony like a wild beast. Certain people take notice.

 Before, that, though, it’s time for some work experience! He’s still behind Deku, but maybe working for the number three hero will help him! Wait, what do you mean, Deku is out there improving his fighting style by copying Bakugou’s moves (and Gran Torino’s, and also fighting a literal serial killer, but Bakugou doesn’t know that), while Bakugou is - what, modeling jeans?!

In fairness, Best Jeanist’s intent was to teach him to be respectable, but, like, he came up to a delinquent teenager and told him he should overhaul his entire look and personality, what did he expect was going to happen? XD

Ooooh, but this next part is super interesting. The End of Term Exam. Deku and Kacchan vs All Might.

The in-universe reason for having these two team up is something like “Bakugou needs to learn to work with someone he doesn’t like and Deku needs to assert himself and force an uncooperative teammate to work with him.” Both of those are likely scenarios in their future careers. The narrative reason, however, is twofold.

Firstly, before this point, Deku and Bakugou have grown mostly separately from each other. This means that while they’ve changed individually, their relationship didn’t. And it has to. Bakugou’s issues with Deku were actually only made worse due to how far behind he thinks he’s fallen, so he attempts to prove he can defeat All Might on his own. When Deku objects, Bakugou even relapses into his cruel personality and pretty much bitchslaps him. Deku can fight back now, but he doesn’t want to, he wants to talk.

Secondly, the fact that they’re teamed up against All Might is vital. Because while there were hints of it beforehand, this is the first time we learn about the two sides of All Might that Deku and Bakugou admire - saving and winning. Deku wants to save people, but hesitates to take on All Might, even though escaping him would be impossible. But he doesn’t run, because Bakugou doesn’t. That is our first glimpse into what Deku admires in Bakugou and what he can learn from him.

However, Bakugou charges at All Might alone and predictably gets the crap kicked out of him. Even though he’s beaten to the point of vomiting, Bakugou refuses Deku’s help (saving), saying that he would rather lose. This is when Deku punches him, and not just to get him away from All Might or because Bakugou hit him earlier, but because he doesn’t want Bakugou to give up on the one thing Deku’s always admired about him.

Bakugou seems to remember himself then. He remembers that he’s the guy who wins, at all costs. Even if it means accepting Deku’s help. Oh, but not just that - he starts emulating Deku in turn. He sacrifices his protection from pain by giving his gauntlet to Deku and making bigger and bigger explosions. When Deku uses the gauntlet, he hurts his shoulder from the recoil, but Bakugou should already be used to the strain, so how far is he going for his arms to hurt?

…Yeah, okay maybe the whole “break all your bones to achieve your goal” isn’t the part of Deku he should be emulating, but the saving part? Absolutely. And he does emulate it, when he jumps in front of a blow meant for Deku and gets smashed into the ground so Deku can get to the gate. Deku being Deku decides to attack All Might so he can carry Bakugou to safety with him. They win by saving and save by winning.

This fight was a pivotal moment for both characters as it shows what their relationship has the potential to become. Though Bakugou probably doesn’t realise it because he’s too busy thinking he failed by accepting Deku’s help. Yet it’s his greatest victory yet.

Speaking of pivotal moments, summer arrives and Bakugou gets kidnapped by the League of Villains. Deku tries to save him, but he tells him to stay away. The others take this to mean Bakugou is too prideful to be saved by Deku yet again, but while that might be partially true, I think it has more to do with the guy whose name literally means “cremation” holding him by the neck and Deku having two broken arms, fucking moron, stay away.

Anyway, in the villains’ hideout, Bakugou is offered a chance to join the League. He refuses immediately and attacks Shigaraki despite being outnumbered, even refusing to lie to get out of trouble. He then explains that he’ll never join the villains, not just because of Shigaraki’s less-than stellar persuasion skills (seriously, Bakugou’s the last person to believe he’s “wronged” by society), but because he wants to win like All Might, like a hero.

This is supposed to be a big twist on a first viewing, but if you pay attention to everything beforehand, it really shouldn’t be. Bakugou has many flaws, but his ambition was never portrayed as a bad thing and now, it’s what’s keeping him from throwing in the towel and becoming a villain.

(Also, I don’t know how anyone thought he’d pull a Sasuke, it would make no narrative sense. Like, the reason Sasuke joining the villains had any impact was because him and Naruto were friends, Bakugou joining Deku’s enemies would have changed what exactly? Lmao.)

So the heroes arrive to the rescue, but All For One appears and they’re all in even deeper shit now. All Might can’t go all out because he’s busy protecting Bakugou, who’s busy holding off the League who presumably want to make him into a Noumu now. Luckily, the Rescue Squad comes blasting through the sky with Kirishima’s outstretched hand. Bakugou takes it. I shouldn’t have to explain why that’s important.

Despite being free to go all out, All Might can’t defeat All For One and his true form is revealed. This is Bakugou’s first time seeing the greatest hero be vulnerable and things look bad. The crowd is desperately cheering All Might on and both Bakugou and Deku are screaming for All Might to win. Which he does. But he’s spent and he points to the cameras saying “you’re next.” Everyone starts cheering, except for Deku, who bursts into tears, and Bakugou, who looks pensive.

When they get back, Bakugou is nicer than normal. He cheers up the class using Kaminari and gives Kirishima money for a new camera as a way to thank them for risking their lives and careers to save him. He respects All Might’s decision not to tell him about Deku and OFA and verbally thanks him for saving him.

This is because Bakugou ended up taking this entire fiasco as his greatest failure yet. DvK1, the Sports Festival, the End of Term Exam - all of it pales in comparison. If he didn’t get himself kidnapped, his idol wouldn’t have lost his powers in order to save him and society would still have its Symbol of Piece. That’s right, society is in disarray and they must all think that it’s his fault. Whether or not it actually is his fault or not is besides the point, what matters is that he thinks it is.

What’s worse is that he knows Deku now has that power. His worst fear has come true. But he can’t talk to anyone about it, so he tries to bury it. He’s been in denial before, he can do it again, right?

No. It’s always on his mind. And I think this was the reason why he was so harsh on the pretend hostages during the Provisional Hero License Exam. It wasn’t (just) his usual jackassery, he screamed at them to save themselves because that’s what he thinks he should have done. Unfortunately, it’s what caused him to fail the exam.

Now, he’s failed plenty of times, just recently caused the end of All Might, surely that’s nothing? But Deku passed the exam and Bakugou has never been more aware of Deku’s back, getting further and further away. That was the last nail in the coffin.

He goes to confront Deku at Ground Beta, the site of DvK1, to get some answers about him and All Might. And so Deku vs Kacchan Part 2 begins.

I won’t repeat what I’ve already said about what’s revealed in this fight, but I’ll elaborate on what Bakugou wants from it. First of all, he didn’t go into it expecting to win. He’s already lost - he ended All Might and Deku was chosen as his protégé. What Bakugou wants is to know why. He’s always feared that Deku was worthy somehow, but he could never put his finger on what made him worthy.

Why did Deku lose? If he’s the true hero, he should have won. Surely that idea is not wrong. Bakugou won, but he’s not satisfied, he knows he’s missing something.

Why did the kid he spent ten years trying to put far behind him overtake him? Why did Deku become the prodigy and Bakugou the failure? Yes, after spending most of the series fighting tooth and nail to hold onto his image as the strong one, he’s accepted that he’s weak, he’s despairing, but why?

All Might provides the answer that was blindingly obvious to anyone but Bakugou. Deku had the heart of a true hero, even though he lacked the power to win and that made him worthy. but Bakugou’s view of a hero that always wins wasn’t wrong either. It was just incomplete, just as Deku’s was. But together, learning from each other, they can be the greatest heroes the world has ever seen.

And with all of their complicated emotions that have been festering for years out of the way, they can finally move forward. Bakugou can finally accept his weaknesses to make himself stronger, he can finally accept Deku as a rival who pushes him forward instead of a threat. And he can support Deku in turn, he does need to make up for years of pushing him down.

…

I think this is as good a time as any to go back to the title of this meta. The five stages of grief are, well, exactly as it sounds, the five steps of the grieving process: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Despair and Acceptance. Not necessarily in that order. Bakugou spends most of his time pinballing between the first three, actually. Yet his overall character arc, spanning the time between chapter one and DvK2, still follows roughly that formula.

But what is he grieving? Well, grief is a general feeling of loss and Bakugou is grieving the slow loss of his identity. Ever since he was a child, he’d put so much stock into his strength and abilities to the point that he didn’t know who he’d be without being the best. Bakugou has no Freudian Excuse, he’s pretty much had it all, yet when I was watching DvK2, I didn’t see a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get an honor he didn’t deserve. I saw a lost kid who doesn’t even know who he is anymore.

But as painful as all that was, it was ultimately for his own good. His fragile ego needed to be broken in order for Bakugou to rebuild himself into a stronger, kinder, better person. He needed to pick up the pieces that were still useful and fill in the gaps with things he learned from All Might. From Deku.

And the manga is already delivering on that. Bakugou does take a backseat for the next few arcs, but when he appears, he’s always seen making a concentrated effort to be better. I think that’s when his “redemption” truly starts, previously him becoming a better person was more of a side effect of everything else going on and he was dragged into it kicking and screaming.

Bakugou gives comfort and encouragement to Kirishima prior to his internship. He waits up for the interns with the others.

He listens to Todoroki when he suggests a better way to deal with children than physical discipline. He warns a child that reminds him of his past self that if he’s always looking down on people, he’ll be blind to his own weakness.

He integrates himself into the class during the Culture Festival, getting offended on their behalf - because they’re not extras, he’s one of them, now - when the other classes blame them for villain attacks. He listens to Jirou when she tells him to stop improvising because, as a drummer, he’s the support, not the lead.

Finally, he looks out for anyone in danger and jumps in to save them and lets himself be saved in turn. He keeps an eye on Deku and tries to aid his progress, like he promised.

Of course, he’s still got a long way to go. He’s still rough around the edges and he does have a literal decade to make up for, but I believe he will. With him being in on the secret and getting his license, it’s about time he and Deku get into hot water with the League again.

But everything that’s happened so far has been built up from Day One. This is Katsuki Bakugou. In hindsight.

~B

(This meta is dedicated to Celcius-senpai and Kali. Also, I’ll put in a treat in the fake email name every time from now on. ;))

This is fucking amazing, B-non, like no joke, the best character dive I’ve read, maybe ever

also

asdhkglahdskgj

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Let’s Fly

(Not My Gif)

Luke Skywalker x Reader, Gender Neutral, FLUFF

AO3 Link/ Support Me on Ko-fi

Requested by Anonymous

Could you please do a Luke x reader? Maybe where they want to learn to fly and ask Luke to help. And it didn't help that they have a huge crush on luke.

A/N: I made some slight adjustments to the request, but hopefully you still like it. Please leave comment and reblog if you like this.  I NEED IT!

Word Count: 1.8 K

           You sat on top of one of the many X-Wings lining the hanger, sticking your head upside down into a droid cockpit. Everything seemed to be more or less in shape, but the droid which usually operated this particular vessel was complaining about some of the circuits.

          You prided yourself in noticing the finer details other mechanics looked over when it came to the fine tuning of an X-Wing, but you couldn’t find anything wrong with it.  You weren’t that surprised.  R2 had been acting a little more paranoid about the ship as of late. Normally this was a good thing as droids were more attuned to that sort of thing, but it seemed as if there were the slightest flutter in the system, he’d go straight to you insisting that you take a look at it.

          You pulled your head out, coming to the conclusion all you could do was run diagnostics one more time to see if anything popped up.  In the meantime, you could at least take another look at the hyper drive.  

           You slid a little further down the wing to gather your tools, when you heard your name being called from across the tarmac.

           You turned, and a light blush fell instantly on your cheeks when you saw Luke Skywalker walking up to you with the sweetest smile on his face.

          “Skywalker, hey,” you greeted.  “I’m nearly finished. She should be all set to go by tonight.”

           “Find anything? he asked.

           You shook your head.

           “No, but better safe than sorry.”

           “I’m sorry for the trouble,” he said, looking a little embarrassed. “R2 usually isn’t this cautious about anything.”  

           You waved him off.

           “Not a problem.  At least when it’s your ship I don’t have to worry about replacing an entire wing.”

           Luke laughed a bit thinking back to the exact incident you were referring to. 

          It was a testament to Han’s piloting capabilities that he was able to land the X-Wing with only the frame holding it together.  It was not, however, one of his smoothest explanations claiming only that it was for a bet.

           “Glad to know I’m appreciated,” he said smiling.

           You smiled a bit yourself before turning back to the hyper drive, assuming that was the end of the conversation.

          “Need a hand?” he asked suddenly.

          You looked back at him in surprise, as your heart started to hammer in your chest.

           “Sure, if you want,” you said, sounding surprisingly nonchalant.

           Luke gave a brief nod before climbing up the ladder and taking a seat beside you.  

           You felt bad since there wasn’t much for him to do, but you didn’t have it in you to turn him away.  You just asked him to hand you a few tools and hold something down while you screwed it back in.

          “How did you learn about all of this stuff anyway?” he asked, just as you declared you were done.

           “Self-taught,” you said simply.

           He looked at you in astonishment, causing butterflies to form instantly in your stomach.  

         “I’m not much of a fighter,” you explained. “I wanted to make myself useful somehow.”

           “Not as a pilot?”

           “I’ve never actually flown anything before,” you admitted.

           “Really?”

           “I mean, I want to learn,” you said, quickly. “I’ve been practicing in the simulator, but I’m not good enough to actually fly one of these.”

           “Would you like me to show you?” he asked.

           Your eyes went wide as you felt your stomach start to twist.

           “Really?”

           “Sure,” he said, looking suddenly rather nervous. “I doubt your that bad, you probably just need someone to help point out a few things.”

           “I don’t want you to go out of your way.  I can figure it out.”

           “It’s really not a big deal,” he assured with a smile. “I’ve got some time off coming up.  We’ll get together whenever you’re done with your work and practice.”

           Despite your better judgement, you nodded, feeling the excitement of finally being able to fly over power you.

           “Yeah, that’d be great,” you said, as a huge smile spread across your face. “Thank you.”

           Luke smiled as well rubbing the back of his neck.

           “Sure thing.”

           “Commander Skywalker.”

           You both turned to see one of the officers waving him down.

           Luke turned to you with an apologetic look.

           “I’m sorry, I have to…”

           “It’s fine,” you assured. “Thank you, again.”

           He nodded and slipped down the ladder before following behind the officer.

           You watched him as he went, taking a deep breath. How the hell were you going to make it through him teaching you how to fly when you couldn’t even get through a conversation without your whole body turning against you? 

          You looked down at your data pad to distract yourself, finding absolutely nothing wrong with his ship.  You sighed, running a hand over your face.  You supposed you’d just have to wait and see.

           To your complete, but entirely pleasant surprise, you didn’t make a complete fool of yourself in the simulator.  In fact, Luke seemed rather impressed you had gotten so far on your own without any extra help.

           This of course kicked your nerves up to eleven making your hands shake the second time around causing you to crash the simulator in a matter of minutes.  Luke remained infinitely patient with you the entire time, talking you through the basics, and bringing you encouragement even when you failed.

           “You’re getting better Y/N.  Trust me, you’re a faster learner than most.”

           His words always managed to make your heart race, made worse when he’d occasionally sit behind you and guide your hands through the motions.  But, in some other ways, you were getting better just being around him.

           While your stomach continued to do back flips when you talked, you didn’t feel the need to hide your face or run in the opposite direction.  He made you feel comfortable.  He made you laugh and you got the impression he liked your company too.  

           Flying the simulator quickly became the best part of your day as the troubles of the galaxy seemed to fade away and it was just you and Luke.  

           After almost a month, Luke declared you were ready for the real thing.

           “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” you said nervously.

           “Y/N, you’ve beaten every test the simulation has thrown at you,” he said gently.  “You’re more than qualified.  I ran it by Mon Mothma and everything and she’s approved you using my X-Wing.  I’ll even let you use R2.”

           You groaned in embarrassment at the thought of Mon Mothma of all people be troubled by this.

           “Luke…”

           “You’re not going to get better by sitting in the dark,” he cut off.  “I promise, I’ll be on the radio the entire time.”

           You wanted to protest further, but you could tell by Luke’s face he wasn’t going to budge.

           “Fine,” you sighed.  “So when are we going to do this.”

           “Tomorrow,” he said, smiling in triumph.  “I’ll get R2 prepped tonight.”

           You’re eyes went wide, but before you could say a word to the contrary, Luke had run down the hallway and out of ear shot.

           That boy was going to kill you.

           The next day, you found yourself in the cockpit of Luke’s X-Wing running through all the check before take-off.

           “How are we looking R2?”

           The translation of the droid’s beep and whistles came on the display, giving you the all clear.  

           “You’ve got this Y/N,” Luke assured through your headset.  “Just remember what we practiced.”

           “Easy for you to say,” you said prepping the engines. “You’re not the one operating a military vehicle worth thousands of credits for the first time.”

           “No, my first time just happened to be before blowing up the Death Star.”

           You wanted to get mad of him for that comment, but found yourself laughing instead.

           “Show off.”

           Luke laughed and you felt your nerves start to disappear as you glided the ship through the hanger doors and into open space.

           You took it slow at first, just getting used to the controls.  You had to push of them a little harder than you did in the simulator and you noticed yourself checking your speed more often than was probably necessary.  Soon enough though, you started to gain confidence and ran through some of the basic maneuvers you had practically memorized.

           Luke stayed with you the entire time, occasionally giving you advice, but mostly just spouting encouragement and excitement as you spun and twisted yourself around the command ship.  You felt a rush of adrenaline as you sped past one of the outer window, finally realizing just why everyone you had ever known wanted to be a pilot.

           The smile didn’t leave your face, even as you guided the ship back inside the hanger doors and landed safely to the ground.

           You stepped out of the X-Wing and slid down the ladder to find Luke there to greet you.  He wore the biggest smile on his face as he pulled you into an excited hug.  

           “That was amazing!” he exclaimed.  “One more like that and we can have you flying in Rogue Squadron in no time.”

           “All thanks to you,” you said.  “I seriously couldn’t had done it without you.”

           “I’m sure you would had figured it out,” he brushed off, pulling away enough to look over your face.

           You don’t know what came over you.  Somewhere between adrenaline still pumping in your system, and the pride clearly showing in his eyes you found the confidence to throw your arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss.

           It didn’t last long.  Almost as soon as your lips met his, you realized your mistake and that he wasn’t kissing you back.

           You pulled away to find him staring at you with a look of complete bewilderment on his face.  

           “I’m so sorry,” you said, as panic took over. “I didn’t…”

           You never got a chance to finish your thoughts as Luke silenced you with a kiss of his own.  

           Your eyes fell closed instantly, as he pulled you closer to him.  It was simple and sweet and left you smiling as he pulled away from you.

           “It’s alright,” he said.  “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.”

           “Really?”

           He looked down at his boots, obviously embarrassed.

           “I think R2 caught on,” he said sheepishly. “That’s why he wanted you to look over my ship so often.”

           You found yourself growing a new appreciation for the droid, as you shook your head.

           “Remind me to thank him later.”

           Luke laughed lightly as the pair of you made your way out of the hanger.

           You really needed to thank that droid.

[writemessygot]

i don't tend to talk to a lot of irl ppl about fandom stuff. either they're not into the fandom, or if they are, they just really don't connect with my viewpoints at all, even though i really try to reciprocally understand & validate their perspectives?? (and that's a whole different story.)

but i remember when i first started talking to irl ppl about GoT. i loved dany (obviously) and i really enjoyed cersei's character too. i saw them both as really cool in their own ways, relatable and formidable in their own rights. on top of just being amazingly complex female characters.

and mind you, these conversations i had were with men. are all men like this? no. but honestly i'm not surprised either. did it suck to feel branded this way by two men i thought were smart and progressive and thoughtful? yeah. but some men will never understand, just as some ppl in general will never understand. it is what it is.

the first one was about cersei. i thought cersei's character was so conniving and evil and dark, and i really loved that for her. she was compelling and desperate and frightened and jealous and protective and hateful — and all those emotions i related to so deeply.

of course, all i said in this conversation at first was that i merely loved cersei's character. this statement garnered a weird look/tone from the guy. he was polite about asking for more info, and i explained basically what i said above (a well-written female villain that's diabolical is so cool, essentially; we never see that). but it was kind of strange to hear someone be stunned over me liking a fairly well-written "villain." people like villains all the time, well or poorly written. was it because cersei was a woman? i'll never truly know, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

another was a close male friend. they never really watched GoT until the final season came out. i talked with him about how much i loved dany's character. especially in the books, dany's character is so naive at first but comes into her expertise thru hardship, thru trial and error. she has to suffer from her mistakes and she takes accountability for everything she does. she holds herself to high standards, and always does her best. when she makes the wrong decision, she is frustrated but does her best to grow. she has immense love for her people, her friends and family, her advisors, her servants. she learned to be wise, and she learned to be smart. she learned to trust, she learned to utilize her power and gain self-confidence.

this guy sort of got it, from what little he knew about the show. but then, he watched only the final season and tried to convince me that the ending made perfect sense for dany's character arc. he also told me that when we first talked about dany, he had assumed i only liked her because she was sweet and kind (a very blatant cherry-picking of what i actually said: i had mostly said that i found her really relatable). his conclusion, after watching what little of the show that he did, was that dany wasn't kind or sweet (as he had erroneously assumed to be her only character traits). he called the end of GoT the "perfect example of a tragic ending," and couldn't understand why people were unhappy. i found it disgusting that he assumed i only liked dany for rather sexist and reductive reasons, as if (once again) a female character can't possibly be both kind and ruthless. this wasn't the first time this (ex) friend had been sexist, though.

regardless of people's opinions about these characters and whichever you relate to or don't relate to, i hope everyone can have a source of validation and kindness in their friend/fandom groups. i find it really off-putting when people make ridiculous, baseless, and prejudiced assumptions about characters and the people who admire them. it's small-minded and hurtful, and it really shows where some people have room to expand their narrow worldview.

women and afab characters with agency and complexity will always be celebrated by this blog/writer. in fact, characters of any gender/orientation/race/size/ability/etc. will always be celebrated here. we don't get enough rep, and when we get good rep, we deserve to celebrate without scrutiny, judgment, and othering. and if your "friends" ever treat you this way, maybe reconsider how much room you have for them in your life.