#and barely knowing how to play the game let alone build characters properly

[daz4i]

pay to win players (or whatever it's called i'm not versed in gamer lingo) are so embarrassing. "can i beat hsr as f2p in one month" if your answer is no i'm afraid that's a skill issue

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part VI

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1567.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

________

You spent the rest of your evening like a somnambulist, barely able to concentrate on your projects before you went to bed, barely finishing half of the things you planned for today. Even the change of locks didn't make you as happy as you thought it would. It felt like something between a dream and a nightmare.

Lying in the dark, you stared at the ceiling, thinking of what happened just a couple of hours ago. Why did he do it? Was it just out of habit and didn’t mean anything? Naturally, with his appearance and easy-going attitude, he probably dated many girls and didn’t think much before kissing someone he liked.

Remembering the way he talked to you in the morning, you thought he must have pretended to be shy around you. Thor certainly wasn’t sheepish.

Was it all a sham? Was Loki right about all of them, playing their roles to get close to you? You couldn’t forget the way Thor looked the moment he told you about being smart. It was like something switched inside him, and for a second you saw the real Thor who was far from being your simple, good-natured athlete.

Why did you keep thinking about that stupid kiss even after seeing the man could be dangerous?

Aroused and angry, you tossed and turned until you fell asleep.

____________

Waking up was especially tough, despite the fact you didn't really do much yesterday, meaning you were going to spend your weekend studying. Shoot, and that's when you planned to visit that new chocolate boutique in the city. Maybe you could still make it if you spent more time studying today?

But then again, going to the city alone might be a bad idea. Even if the guys who stole your things were beaten, it didn't mean it had always been the same people following you. The school was full of weirdos, in the end. What if somebody went after you? Steve would definitely say you had to bring one of your guards with you.

Damn. It was better staying in the dorm then.

"Good morning! Are you ready?" Peter's voice broke through the silence, and you flinched, hurriedly applying some lipstick because you didn't have enough time to put your makeup properly.

Well, at least you were fully dressed.

"Just give me a second!" Picking up your bag, you put your shoes on and opened the door, looking at a young guy who's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Hi!"

He definitely liked what he saw, and you felt your cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. From the very start of the semester Peter acted very sweet around you, and you thought you could be friends with him. He wouldn't do something as ugly as blackmailing, would he? Thor said it too. Clearly, Steve was exaggerating.

"Did you sleep well? I've heard you changed your lock, so now it'll be better."

"Ugh, I hope so. But I still sleep with my dresser blocking the door." Sighing, started walking, afraid to look in the faces of other students, hurrying off to school.

They must have been disgusted, watching you being friendly with one guy after being all lovey-dovey with the other just yesterday. Although you didn't see anyone in particular, you were sure somebody saw Thor kissing you. And now you were walking the corridors with Peter.

"By the way, what's your Insta?"

What? Your Instagram? Whatever for? Although you had no idea why he needed it, you let him add you, by the time leaving the dorm and walking towards the main building.

Suddenly, Peter got pretty close, his arm on your waist as he lifted up his phone and hummed, "Look here and smile!"

Before you realized what he was doing, the boy kissed your temple, and you heard the sound of a photo being taken by his front-facing camera. What the Hell?!

"Peter!" Pissed at him, you quickly break free and stepped back, but he was already looking at his phone, editing the photo and posting it almost immediately.

You heard your phone buzz when he marked you on the photo.

"That's a good one. You look very cute here."

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a proof we're dating, of course?"

You were taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and Peter smiled from ear to ear like an excited teenager, showing you the picture: it wasn't that bad, and you looked as if you were slightly embarrassed by Peter's closeness. Oh, of course. He had to convince his friends he was dating you, but he didn't kiss you on the lips that could make other people too suspicious. Instead, friends of Barnes or, say, Thor, would still think it was all for show, and it was their friend who dated you for real.

Shit, Steve's plan was incredibly complicated, and you didn't like it at all.

"Oh, alright." You mumbled, lowering your eyes to the ground, and Peter laughed.

"We'll make a TikTok dance later. If you wanna make people talk, just use your social media." He winked at you and put the phone in the pocket of his pants, resuming walking, and you moved along, your face still hot.

God, what did these guys got you into? You felt like you were lost in the middle of a play, not even having a script to read what was your role in all this.

Before you parted your ways, going to a different classrooms, Peter talked about videogames, the upcoming Resident Evil - apparently, his favorite franchise - and some Dota tournament, but you didn't know much about it, and Peter offered to show you his favorite games "because you can't spend all your time studying!"

He was as careless and sweet as always, but you couldn't get Steve's words out of your mind. Damn, if only you could know for sure that Peter didn't blackmail anyone. Who could you talk to about it? Obviously, not Peter himself, but every time he spoke you had that nagging feeling you needed to talk to him. You barely kept your mouth shut before he went to a different room.

Ugh, why didn't you transfer anywhere else when you still had a chance? Obviously, now you could only drop out of school, and it definitely wasn't something you were going to do.

Luckily, the next couple of hours you were busy with your classes, trying your best to prepare for the upcoming exams. The academy held high standards, and even though you were a good student, it still took lots of efforts to keep up the good work. How Thor even managed to get enrolled, judging by the fact he hated studying and often skipped classes?

Ah yes, he mentioned something about getting a scholarship from the academy for his success in the sport.

By the lunch time you were drained, listening to Peter chatting with an absent-mindedly epxression on your face. Funny enough, Peter's grades were better than yours, even though he spent much less time studying. What, was he some genius like Loki? You felt a little envy.

"I gotta go take my tracksuit, I have PE next," the boy said, and you nodded, throwing away the leftovers of your lunch.

As you stood close while he grabbed his sportclothes, you heard two guys talking behind the lockers to your right.

"Have you seen her today? She's with Parker!"

You tensed immediately. Of course, they were talking about you.

"Yeah, so what?"

"She was with Thor yesterday!"

Watching you froze on the spot, Peter stilled too, listening carefully. Oh shit, you hoped no one cared about who you went with - why should they, in the end - but, apparently, you were drawing too much attention simply because you were a girl among hundreds of male students.

"So what?" The other guy asked impatiently, growing tired of this conversation.

"Are you stupid? She's going out with them! I bet she's looking for a guy." The first student said with excitement, and you cringed. No, you weren't going out with anyone, you wanted to stop the weirdos from following you and steeling your things. Was it too much to ask?

"Yeah, who cares?"

"We have three fucking girls in the whole school, and you don't care if one of them could be going out with you? Besides, this one's pretty. I'd fuck her!"

You felt like you were going to puke any moment. Why on Earth did you decide to transfer to an all-boys school? It was like the whole school were a men’s room filled with stupid-ass guys, and you were locked inside, forced to listen them talk junk.

"You'd fuck a sheep, weirdo. Go get yourself a girlfriend if you can’t stop thinking with your dick.”

Laughing, the guy left, and his friend followed him, shouting something stupid while you breathed out a sigh of relief. Of course, you knew there would be some talk, but you didn’t expect it to be so... gross. Were you really gonna spend the two remaining years here?

Watching you getting frustrated, Peter gently touched you by the arm and said softly, “Don’t worry. They won’t talk rubbish about you.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly thinking of Steve’s words, you blurted out exactly what you were thinking of the whole day, “Are you going to blackmail them with something?”

“I... what?”

Part VII

__________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi

[dreamii-yume]

not a request but, Idia seems like the type to make a hentai game based on his darling correct? so he uses that as a base to have experience to woo his darling. but now as he tries it irl, he's confused it worked in the game. so why is the darling crying? is there a glitch somewhere? thoughts?

It all started when he thought that you looked like a character from an anime he watched once. He was a fond of the character so, he couldn’t help but to observe you more than he should, hiding his excitement throughout. There, he found out that you don’t just share a similar appearance but a similar personality as well, the perfect embodiment of that character. Idia almost thought that you were some kind of base for that character, cosplaying even, but you were from another world, weren’t you? Could it be that you’re actually that character and just got reincarnated into his world without knowing that you’re an anime character yourself!?

Reverse Isekai, was it? A twist in that overused genre where the fictional character is the one who gets to be trasported to the normal world. Idia was there on the peak of its popularity, reading all the manga, novels that he can find, watching all the anime adaptations along the way. Then the premise just gets redone over and over again that it slowly became boring. Even if they add twists here and there, it still ended up the same.

But now comes you, a real person that got transported into his world! A person who just happens to look and act like the character from one of his beloved shows! You can’t blame him for being this intrigued by your existence! Because how can he not!? This is an otaku’s dream coming true right here!

And best of all...You have his favorite character archetype! How awesome is that!?

Before he knew it, he was all over you. Well, not really...Since he was too shy to actually talk to you, and all he was just doing is either hide behind that tablet of his and a wall at least five meters away. He had already embraced the joys of being a loner and is practically a master of running away from social gatherings or talking in general, but now that it came to this, it became a double-edged sword.

Ortho said to just build up the courage to talk to you if he so badly wants to and he does. He really, really wants to talk to you, at least once...Or twice...Or thrice- The point is that he really wants to. But as supportive as the little brother of his is, he makes it sound so easy. Of course, someone who doesn’t know jackshit about making friends would never be able to master that skill that easily. He cringes at the thought of doing so without any experience, you’d probably see him as another creepy otaku.

Then, it came to him...A thought that proves that he was actually the genius that everyone claims him to be.

Experience. Of course! He’ll just have to gain experience so he can level up! With that, he can conquer your route doing just that! And what better way to do this than to combine it with something what he’s well-experienced with?

So, he started working. His fingers worked on the holographic keyboard faster than he’d ever been, creating a dating simulator game in less than three days. Ortho himself was surprised to see his usually unmotivated and borderline depressed brother having this intense look in his eyes. Idia barely ate or sleep during all of that, but he doesn’t care, what matters is that he finished it.

He finished the game that can finally help himself out, a dating simulator with only one character to focus on. A character who’s basically a spitting image of you and named after you, he even sneaked in some voice lines that he secretly recorded you saying. Idia had observed you longer to know what to write in the game script, which choices you would make, which words you would say, there was even different sprites and assets of you, depending on your emotions! Though, his hand seems to have slipped and before he knew it, he had already hired some Top-tier doujinshi artists to draw some Not-Safe-For-Work CGs of you for some Not-Safe-For-Work scenes. Yeah...He thought so far ahead that it just kinda turned into...Those kinds of simulation games.

But he regrets nothing.

...Other than the fact that he should probably keep this game away from Ortho as much as possible.

Anyway, it was probably one of the games that he took his sweet time with. Even though it was a game that he himself created, it was like he had developed some form of amnesia and was marvelled at his first time playing such masterpiece. All the twists and events left him in awe, squealing at every single CG when your character goes as little as holding his in-game character’s hand. The more...special scenes had him gulping down his own saliva as a physical reaction, the moans and groans that he recorded from you was when you were stretching in the morning, or when you’re startled or exercising, and yet, it fits so well with each sex scene. His face flushed and his pants felt so tight as he read through the dialogue box, his hand later slipping underneath them just so he could relieve his excitement.

“(Y/N)...Hehe, (Y/N)...♡” He blissfully moans as his hand goes up and down his cock, biting his blue lip in anticipation. Sweat was dripping down his forehead and his flaming hair burned a brighter blue, expressing his excitement. His imagination was going ballistic, imagining your own tightness around him as he slid in and out of your slick insides. The closer the scene reached its climax, the faster his hands became, determine to release at the same time as your character. “Haa...(Y/N)~♡ It feels so good...So good...Haha...”

With a satisfied moan, his own strings of semen shoots against his screen, perfectly coming just in time as your character appears, all flushed and exhausted. Idia let out a sigh, calming down from his high with a few strokes here and there to make sure of a satisfying release.

“Haa...Idia-kun, I love you ♡”

That was his favorite dialogue, no matter how many times he replayed this scene, it never fails to arouse him, making him all warm on the inside. A huge blush covered his cheeks as he smirked, slowly building up into an unhinged chuckle. He brushed his hands down the tainted screen, smudging his cum even more as he imagined it as your face. “Aah...Me too...I love you too, (Y/N)~” He whispered, shivering in excitement. “Aw...I can’t wait to have you for real...Wait for a little while, ‘kay? Hehe...”

This plan was a success and certainly helped him gain the confidence and experience that he needed to finally talk to you properly. Memorizing all the available scenarios and route he can go to, he just felt like he can do just about anything right now. With all these knowledge in mind, you surely won’t be weirded out and things wouldn’t be as awkward as he had already formulated a full conversation on his head. A bad end flag was still left arise, but it was placed so low that Idia can’t just spend another batch of his precious time with it, nothing would go wrong if he just do what he practiced, right? For that reason alone, his birthday was coming up and for the first time in forever, he could use a party as an excuse to talk to you. It doesn’t matter who comes anyway, he’ll have Ortho to accommodate them, Idia’s main focus should only be directed at you.

Plus, if he was going to confess on his birthday, then that’s just a major advantage! Plenty of stuff happens when it’s your own character’s birthday in any game, developers becomes extra generous with the drop rates in gachas, they give you more game currency to spend, and extra scenarios with your favorite characters! Sometimes even free stuff of your choice! This would definitely put his chance rate well above what he expected, it’s you after all!

“Happy birthday, Idia-senpai. I brought this gift for you, I hope you like it.” Ah, there it is, his goddess’ voice echoing through the walls. You said that you were going to conduct a birthday interview with him which got his heart beating like crazy. W-Were you going to start the confession event here!? With all these people!? That’s too daring! Though, that’s really charming of you, and a part of him actually wanted that to happen so he could finally point his fingers to these losers-

But no, unfortunately, he doesn’t have that much confidence to give and so, he ended up having to push you somewhere more secluded. Somewhere more...private. Like his room for example- that’s a good place, right~? Nobody can interrupt this interview that way and...and they can do play all sorts of games right after too...That’s fun, isn’t it!?

The interview was surprisingly fun, although it really just consisted of him ranting to you all about his interests. He ended up spilling all facts about his favorite idol group, games, and movies, his big mouth going off on a tangent once again because of that one question. This wasn’t exactly part of the plan, he was planning to give off a smooth vibe to it but he guessed he was just a tad bit under-level for that. Anyway, you ended gracing him with an adorable giggle so, it doesn’t really affect his motives! He’ll still conquer your route like he did with the game!

A few more questions about his favorite and least favorite food comes, Idia couldn’t help but be impatient. When were you going to activate the scenario, huh? The love confession event, it was the one question that he was waiting for. His heart was ready, his body was ready, his everything was ready...So, why were you standing up with a satisfied look on your face? Aren’t you forgetting something here?

“And that concludes our Birthday Celebration Interview! Idia-senpai, thank you for answering all my-“ Idia’s heart skipped a beat as his hands automatically grabbed your hand and pulled you down, rather aggressively.

“W-Wait! Wait, wait, waitwaitwait-“ Idia stumbled over his words, his face flushed as he stared at you with a crooked but nervous smile. “U-Um...! T-There something else...That I want to tell y-you...”

Oh, no...This was that one scenario in the extreme difficulty mode of the game, where you’re not triggering the confession event at all. You’re probably so conflicted with your emotions that he has to do it himself as the main character. It’s not the original route that he’s going for, but it’s fine, he has the script of this mode in memory too, he should be able to pull it off...That’s weird though, he never remembered activating anything to play in this difficulty...Whatever, real life really is something else, isn’t it?

You were surprised and quite honestly, bothered at his sudden outburst but that’s fine. You were the same in the game too, he just had to take control of the situation. “I-I...” He gathered the words in his head, his face heating up than it ever did before.

“(Y-Y/N)...I like- No...” He stammered as he tries his best to form a nervous smile, his heart was beating so fast but that’s not really something new. “...I love you, (Y/N)...”

Idia heard a slight gasp from you but delusions took over his mind before logic can come bursting through, rendering him practically heart-eyed at the situation. He was distracted, but he still waited for your response even if he was already a hundred percent convinced that his confession was a success. It has to be, he had already seen this exact scenario in the game for a millionth time. “...D-Do you...love me too, (Y/N)...?” He fiddled with the tip of his burning hair, leaning close to you as he knows that it’s a special skill that increases his success rate up to at least twenty percent. “...You l-love me too, don’t you~? Hehe...♡”

Yes. You’re going to say yes. You always had said yes in the game as there was absolutely no reason for you to say otherwise. Everything that happened before this went according to plan, he followed every route, said the correct dialogue choices, so there’s no way that he can fuck this one up. He had definitely conquered your route for real this time!

“Ah...” But he had to wonder though, why were you averting your eyes for? That’s cute, but you don’t have to be shy...Just say that you love him too, he can hardly wait! “Idia-senpai...”

“...I’m sorry.”

Idia blinked, his body freezing on its spot as you bowed in front of him so respectfully. Your mouth began to move to deliver more words of explanation for him to understand, but he just couldn’t hear anything else anymore.

What did you say? You’re...sorry? Haha...For what though? That’s weird, that’s not what you were supposed to say, even if this was set in extra hard mode. He did everything correctly so, no matter what difficulty he’s in, you should be able to accept his confession every time.

...Is it a bug in the system? A glitch that he didn’t see?

You called out to him once again, you called out his name and upon looking up, he could only see your face. So full of concern and pity, but no signs of falling in love whatsover. No...You shouldn’t be looking at him like that, what the hell just happened?

This is all wrong...!

Before Idia could even properly process anything, he had found himself on top of you, both frustration and anger building up inside him. His hand, albeit really shaky, had found itself a dangerous clasp around your neck and your expression suddenly turned white. You’re struggling underneath him, like a deer caught by a hunter, kicking and scratching his arms away. But you were scared, he could tell by that look in your eyes, he could easily squeeze your neck in this position after all.

“I-Idia-senpai...!” He heard you call out but your voice just bounced off his ears, he was too distracted by his own shock. This was not in any of the scenarios that he formulated inside his mind, and he created thousands, for Hades’ sake! His breathing became unstable as he began to hyperventilate, sweating immensely as he tries to wreck his brain for whatever the hell he was supposed to do in this scenario. This wasn’t how the game continues after a confession event! Was he too inexperience or under-level to conquer your route? Did he miss a side quest from you or something? What did he do wrong? Was it the lack of gifts of affection? Normally, you were supposed to say that you love him too, embrace him before the two of you share a kiss and-

...A kiss?

Oh...Oh, that’s right! Maybe this is where the code got rewritten and that the kiss should come first now? Maybe your character was taking a different turn, you were probably shifting to other character types to accommodate your new-found feelings...You’re being a Tsundere, aren’t you~? So cute, but you don’t have to push him away though, he’ll keep coming back to you anyways.

...And so, in hopes of desperation, that’s exactly what he did, he leaned down at you as he smashed his lips onto yours. You widened your eyes with a muffled scream coming out of you, but Idia kept your mouth busy as it is. He was on cloud-nine, enjoying your soft lips against his chapped ones so much so that he just instinctively started grinding his hips against yours. You were starting to panic, but that’s fine, that’s a normal reaction. Both in real life and in-game.

By the time that he finished selfishly sucking up your lips, ultimately creating a little bruise on the side, he pulled away with a string of saliva connecting both your tongues together. Idia giggled to himself, the feeling of your lips and tongue was still lingering on his that he can’t help but be hungry for more. However, looking back at you, he blinked as tears suddenly began to stream down your cheeks. Your chest heaving up and down as small hiccups comes out of your every sob.

It made him panic slightly at first, but then remembered a scenario like this once in the game...Though, it wasn’t a scenario as drastic as this one, that he’ll admit. “A-Ah, you shouldn’t cry...” He tried comforting, letting go of your neck and wiping your tears away with a nervous smile. “Y-You’re not supposed to cry after a c-confession event, it’s not in your file...”

You flinched at his touch. “S-Stop, please...L-Let me go...” You whimpered, lifting your arms up to try and shield yourself away from him. “I-I won’t tell anyone, I-I swear-!”

Idia’s hand twitched, quickly covering your mouth as a nervous rection so that he wouldn’t hear the words that he doesn’t want to hear anymore. He felt scared to touch you now, seeing how defensive you got, his little angel’s crying and it’s all because of him. Your words certainly impacted him, but he shook his head instead, he has to keep himself from looking down.

“...You shouldn’t say that either, that’s not in your script.” He said with a bit of stricter tone onto it, attempting to show you how capable he can really be. He grabbed your wrist and forced your hands open, revealing your terrified expression. “Don’t worry...It’s just a little twist on the story, I’m sure. I just have to restart the system, right...?”

“I-I’ll fix you up soon enough, H-Honey~” You watched him with eyes slowly widening in realization and terror as he started to untie his tie, to remove the birthday outfit that he clearly dislikes. You were frozen, you can’t move, not like you could do much with someone as big as Idia straddling above your stomach but you were left immobile with fear. His use of love words sounds extremely clumsy and Idia himself cringes at the sound of it coming from his own mouth but he’s enthusiastic. That doesn’t make it any less terrifying for you at all.

The game’s not finish yet. It’s just as he expected, there was a little glitch that needs a little fixing. It was the cause of a scenario as unreasonable as this one to appear. But it’s fine. He can fix it all up, he can fix you all up and when he’s done with that, he’ll definitely conquer your route for real this time.

After all, there’s no game that he can’t finish, that would be a shame to his Otaku title! It doesn’t matter if it’s his birthday, he’s going to work all night to fix this very unpleasant glitch in you. What a pain~ Idia wonders what kind of price he’ll get from you after this.

...Not that he’s going to complain anytime soon lol

Idia has the personality of an ugly bastard. Just saying *cough*

[mommybard]

https://www.blushingdefeat.com/play/bimbo-personality-quiz/

I thought some of your pets might enjoy this. Apparently I’m a Gamer bimbo. Do you have anything for that? If not it’s fine, just wanted to share this fun quiz. 😊

I had to take the test a few times to get that one to see what a Gamer Bimbo is. I don’t think I can mix up a drink to do that, but I do have something else you might like. It's a new game you can try out. World of Bimbos.

No no, that’s World of Warcraft. World of Bimbos is completely different, so much so that mommy cannot be sued over it. At least according to my lawyers. See, most MMOs have you grinding long hours, slaying mob after mob, boss after boss, trying to get better gear just so you can kill the bosses again and get slightly better gear to make it faster next time.

This is different. There’s still plenty of grinding, but it's not with the goal of killing this boss or that mob. That can get boring after the 100th time you’ve done it after all. See, in World of Bimbos your goal is to become the new top bimbo of the realm. How do you reach that goal? By earning Bimbo Points! Various actions you have in the world will increase the amount of Bimbo Points you have. Slaying monsters will decrease it, but finding...mmm, creatively non-lethal ways to handle monsters will increase it. You’ll also get LOTS of points if you find the secret way to handle each monster~!

Want to give it a go? Good girl, that’s the attitude. Here, let's get you set up ...there you go. You just lay back and put on these VR goggles for mommy so you can play. I’ll be watching from out here. There we go! Done calibrating and starting the game~! Hmm? No, you’re looking at the character creation screen. No, you’re right, it does look like you. The system scanned you when you put it on to figure out your game avatar. We can edit your character to give you a few stat boosts to start off. Get a bit min/maxy with your character.

Probably easier to show you rather than tell you, so let mommy take control for a moment...there we go. Now, watch what happens if I plump up your lips. See? Your speech skill went down a little bit, make sense since that big will give you a bit of a lisp, but your oral skill went waaaaay up. Hmmm? Whaaaat? Lewdness? Noooo, it’s totally just uh...how well you can communicate with people. What else would “oral” mean? Barely started and your heads already in the gutter~ What else for the easy bimbo build...OH! Increased thighs for a bit of jiggle when you walk, and that adorable smoosh at the top of your knee high socks. We’ll need to take some intelligence for these next changes, but it's not like you were going caster build so it should be fine. Just going to transfer some of this to your breasts...C-cup should be enough for you to have fun with. The rest though...mmm, we’ll trade all that for rounder ass. One that’ll always stick out from underneath the skirts you equip, threatening to tear any pants you get whenever you bend over. Hmm? No, it’ll totally help you handle those monsters. Trust mommy, the best way to go about it is with a properly bubbly booty. Besides, it increases your fucktoy skill, dance skill, anal skill, and bimbo skill, all for just a bit of intelligence~! Def worth the trade off Hmm? What word? Intelligence?. You know what that means. Ohhh...right. We traded it in. It means like...smarts. Don’t worry about it for now, it's not a word a good girl like you needs to know. You just focus on playing the game, alright~? The tutorials coming up next, let's see how you do in it. Just have to take down that orc there. Hmm? Spells? You’re not smart enough to know any of those silly. Attacks? Now, why would you attack someone like her? Big...strong...mmm, just look at those muscles. You shouldn’t attack someone like that sweetie. That would just be mean, and you’re trying to earn Goddess Points. You have to do good, remember? I’ll give you a little hint. Do you see anything you could help her with? No, she looks like she’s done with her workout. Maybe focus...lower. Lower than that...mmm, there you go. A bulging girlcock~? All alone, without anyone around to show it appreciation? No one around to clean it for her? You can help her with that, can’t you? Sure you can, you have a high oral skill! Hands and knees, like a good girl. Crawl towards her....that’s it. See? This tutorial isn’t that hard. Just have to get creative with your non-lethal solutions. And look at all those yummy Bimbo Points you’re earning! I bet you’ll get even more if you can make her shower you in cum~ See? You’ve already gotten a hang of the game. I’m going to leave you down here to play for a while. Don’t worry about saving, the game does it automatically...though you won’t be able to stop playing until you earn enough Bimbo Points to win. Good luck~!

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: December 11th, 2020

How old are terri, miranda, lee, shiloh and jeremy? Are they all the same age as the mc?

Step 1: MC is 8 and Shiloh is 7

Step 2: MC and Lee are 13 and Jeremy is 12

Step 3: MC, Lee, and Terri are 18, Miranda is 19 (though she just barely turned that age)

How many different personalities are there for Jamie? Does picking one color of dialogue option mark down the personality or is it the choices and actions themselves?

There’s not really any set amount of personalities. You can mix and match traits in different ways and different levels, it’s really up to you. The colored options just give an idea of the tone of what you’re doing (whether it’s serious or more lighthearted or more emotional, that sort of thing).

Hey! Sorry to bother, but I was just curious. Why does MC and Cove react the way they do in the errands moment? It just sorta seems like they overreacted to being left alone in the farmers market. 

I’m a little confused on what you mean. You can choose not to care or to have a good time, your MC doesn’t have to be upset. There are more choices that lead to upset feelings, but that’s because there’s really only one way to say you’re really okay and multiple ways to feel upset (sad, angry, scared, etc). And if someone is upset, there’s nothing wrong with that. Feeling fine is okay too.

As for Cove, he’s just like that. Cove is a sensitive guy and he is especially bothered by parents pulling stunts without talking to their kid ahead of time. If you wanna annoy Cove, that exact thing they did is one of the fastest ways to do it, ahah. And he’s not gonna let it slide just because it was the MC’s parents doing it to them rather than one of his own parents doing it to him.

so if I were to become a one time patreon pledger, would I still have access to the things from that tier after the month is over (such as 18+ pics or access to a demo/beta)?

If you join Patreon for one month you’ll get everything released that month and have access to all our past posts, and you can save the stuff to your own computer to keep it forever. But you won’t get access to things that come out after your subscription has ended. So if you want to join for a specific piece of content, just make sure you wait until that content has already come out and then subscribe.

Why did Noelani and Pamela decide to adopt within the USA when they had previously adopted abroad?

Because we wanted to highlight more than one type of adoption. Both are valid.

At what age was MC adopted in our life?

Only around a year old, but it’s flexible based on what the player wants for their story.

If Pamela is estranged from her family and Noelani doesn't really talk to her's, where did Lee come from? 

Lee is a backer created character, she wasn’t originally part of the cast. Because our main supporter wanted her to be related to the MC’s family, we gave Pam one sibling she still talks to and that sibling has a daughter, Lee. The game was still in pretty early development way back then when we first mentioned the family situation. It’s just kind of inevitable that during the game making process some things ended up changing, aha.

In the relationship DLC’s for Derek and Baxter will there be options for polyamory to include Cove?

I’m afraid not. The way Our Life: Beginnings & Always works doesn’t support developing a poly relationship well, it’d very quickly build up too many alterations to manage. But we do hope to feature polyamory options in future games.

Will it be possible to confess to Cove (or vice versa) in Step 4, if it hasn't been done already? 

Yeah!

are you going to put the credits song on youtube or spotify? i really like it and want to play it for my friends 🙏🥺 ty 

I’m so glad you like it! We have rights to use the song in our game and for our game to be the only game it’s ever used in, but the rights to sell/upload the song belong to the actual creators of the music. We’re happy to let them decide where they’re comfortable posting the track.

Quick question, do you plan on continuing to use MC we can custom? I liked all your games but being able to customize Our Life's MC was awesome 

I can’t say if every game we ever make from now on will have a super customizable MC, but we are planning other projects with that feature. Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be the only one.  It’s nice to hear you appreciated the effort to add that.

Can I just express my disappointment that you only get a 'makeout session' in Step 3 if your MC is outgoing? My shy MCs miss out on grabbing the Cove booty... xP

Whether or not you can make out with Cove and how intense it can get depends on how long you’ve been a couple. If your shy MC takes longer to get with Cove, he’ll need more time before he’s ready to do that sort of stuff. And if your confident MC has been with him for years already, then he’s at a point where he can go that far with them. I’m afraid patience is required when it comes to romancing that boy, haha. 

If we played in 1.0 and we updates to 1.1 do we have to start over? Or do save files transfer? I hit the "ignore" not sure if I should have for the game to work properly 

1.0 save files should work with version 1.1. If you’re getting error reports can you send us more details about what the error is saying?

Bug report: At the end of the 'Mall' DLC moment in Step 2, there's a point where Cove says the MC's name, but it's said in his Step 1 voice instead of his Step 2 voice. I don't know if it happens with ALL names, but it happened with my most recent game using the name Devin.

As a follow-up to my earlier bug report about the voiced names (or at least Devin) in the Mall moment, I had the same issue in the Soiree moment as well (with the same name - again, it might just be that one).

Thank you for the report! Can you let me know when you downloaded the DLC files? I think that should be fixed in the most recent version of them.

Dear gb-patch, I'm one of the OL Kickstarter backers (and I had and still have a great time with your updates, it's great to see the project grow and you are great in communicating with your fans 💕).

I want to wait until all steps are complete until I play, I know I'll enjoy it even more if I can experience it all together. Because of that I didn't open the game myself but I just saw your post with the screenshot of the voiced names and noticed that the name that I submitted to you isn't on the list. The name is Mai (or May), will it be available later?

Thank you for supporting us! Mai is one of the names that we’re still working on. It accidentally had a tone missed.

And thank you for all of these asks <3

—————————————————————— We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 5

 - more myth than man... or not? the mortality of tom riddle and the anatomy of a villain-

That leaves us with Ralph Fiennes’ portrayal of adult Tom Riddle/Lord Voldemort in movies 4-8.

I generally find adult Tom Riddle disappointing, even in the books, in terms of character depth. Instead of delving into his motivations and the inner psychology of a villain, we get... slight body horror? And in the movies, it’s even more egregious. 

If a story is as good as its villain, adult Tom Riddle is a bit of a let-down, especially on-screen.

“I was ripped from my body, I was less than spirit, less than the meanest ghost . . . but still, I was alive.”

Perhaps the very first time I watched it, I found this scary, but I must confess that nowadays, Voldemort’s resurrection is more funny to me than anything else. The forked tongue and the nose slits, yes, are supposed to allude to Tom Riddle’s loss of humanity, but I don’t think it...worked out that way in practice.

I know that’s how it is in the books, but ugly equals evil (and vice versa) is a tired trope. not only that, but under the CGI, Lord Voldemort is so difficult to relate to, so inhuman, that it’s hard to (1) see his true depravity (2) connect with him emotionally (3) at least for me, not laugh at him flapping around the graveyard in GOF like an oversized crow. 

Now, the reason I’m going on about this is not (just) me being petty. Lord Voldemort is the Boggart for most of the characters in the HP universe, meaning their greatest fear is Lord Voldemort. He represents Fear; as such, he should be utterly terrifying. Now, I don’t mean horrifying in that sense, but Voldemort’s grand entrance should at least feel somewhat unsettling, have some sort of a Gothic atmosphere...

"But then, through the mist in front of him, he saw, with an icy surge of terror, the dark outline of a man, tall and skeletally thin, rising slowly from inside the cauldron."

Visually, this looks great. But it’s not scary. And I’m not a purist by any means, but the words are scarier than the book. Darkness induces fear. 

“The lack of any kind of visual stimuli increases anxiety, uncertainty, and tension.”

So, having Voldemort’s pale body materialize isn’t as scary as it could be.

Furthermore, I think Fiennes’ overexaggerated expressions would actually come across as properly horrifying/threatening rather than funny if they just left his face alone. Yes, Fiennes does manage to emote the fear and the anger through the CGI, but it’s like he’s too alien to be scary, at least to me. The amount of memes with Voldemort suggest I’m not the only one this way inclined.

I think there’s probably a problem going on with the uncanny valley. (Images from the Mori essay linked).

[When things are still]

[Creepy things are creepier when moving]

Now, I assume Voldemort is meant to be zombie-creepy, or at least that how Harry describes him in the books.

"The thin man stepped out of the cauldron, staring at Harry...and Harry stared back into the face that had haunted his nightmares for three years. Whiter than a skull, with wide, livid scarlet eyes and a nose that was flat as a snake's but with slits for nostrils...."

Now, we can’t get Harry’s experience of being haunted by Voldemort in his dreams, because what I think makes Voldemort’s countenance so truly frightening to the other characters isn’t his snake-like nose or his red eyes, but the potential. Voldemort is, in essence, the Grim Reaper. You are at his mercy, and you’re probably going to be dead. 

“This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour.“

And yes, Voldemort can be quite funny and witty, but..

“I will allow you to perform an essential task for me, one that many of my followers will give their right hands to perform.” (To Peter Pettigrew)

...it’s still incredibly dark, sadistic humour. Whereas the teenage Tom Riddle we’ve been discussing has just barely dipped his toes into evil, Voldemort is, well... swimming in it. At this point, he think he undeniably enjoys causing pain.

And much of what makes Voldemort scary is subtle. 

For example, what I personally consider haunting is the fact that he’s got a cave full of Inferi. A cave full of reanimated dead bodies. 

Either he dug them up, which is unlikely... or perhaps, a twenty-seven-or-so-year-old Tom Riddle would lie in wait like a bird of prey, very quietly and patiently, perhaps reading a book, waiting for an unsuspecting Muggle to wander past. Maybe killing is a game to him at this point, when it’s not so personal as killing Harry Potter. Maybe it’s a whispered Avada Kedavra, and then he carries the dead body away to his cave. Maybe he Imperiuses them to walk off the cliff. Maybe he tortures them first.

Shudder.

And I don’t think you can show that kind of horror through any CGI or make-up, so...

You know what is terrifying? Revolting? True crime; real-life people who do unspeakably horrible things. And I think a lot was missed out on, in stripping Tom Riddle physically of his humanity. Yes, Riddle is a monster...

But, as we’ve seen, he’s a human monster, not some eldritch horror from the seventh level of hell or something.

I just think it would be interesting to have this perfectly normal-looking human do all the horrific things Voldemort does. I want to see that sick joy in a human face and feel disgusted. I want to see fear make his bottom lip tremble, and feel a misplaced sense of empathy. (Think President Snow from the Hunger Games -- now, that’s a sick, twisted villain who we can relate to as a human being, but still love to hate -- or what about The Joker?).

And out of everything they chose to CGI, why on earth did they not make his eyes scarlet? That might have made him look at least somewhat menacing, rather than a failed lab experiment.

(Don’t even get me started on his and Bellatrix’s death scenes in the movies-)

Here’s President Snow. He’s got a cute little granddaughter, he sends kiddies to kill each other Battle Royale-style every year, and he poisons all his political opponents. He’s also a master manipulator and has a penchant for white roses. They cover up the smell of the sores in his mouth from eating the poison too, to conceal his treachery.

Heath Ledger as the Joker in Dark Knight (2008), who is, according to NYT (which I totally agree with), the best Joker. Now this is a villain done right, with many Voldemort-like traits. On a scale of one-to-ten, he’s absolutely terrifying. Why? He’s (unlike Voldemort in the movies) incredibly intelligent, shows young-Tom-Riddle-like skills for charm and manipulation, plays with humans like they’re his own personal psychology experiment (and to hell with the Institutional Review Board), and has one, single, very clear goal -- chaos. Like Voldemort, he wears an inhuman mask that’s not horrifying in its own right; but unlike Voldemort, the human is all there -- terrifying, real, and with a bottomless, obsessive desire to destroy. His disordered thinking is all out there for the audience to see. The Joker’s motivation is to enjoy himself; whereas Voldemort seems to lack drive. Why does he want to take over the world -- who knows, with Voldemort? The Joker wants to see it burn.

Let’s try to do the same with Lord Voldemort:

[SLIGHT FLASH WARNING]

I had to go with this because Voldemort isn’t legitimately terrifying in many scenes. And yes, this unrefined anger somewhat speaks to Tom’s immaturity

By this point, seventy-one year old Tom Riddle is a hollowed-out shell of a human being. After decades of building his power, he was defeated by a one-year-old, and ended up slumming it as a spirit for a decade, got defeated again, was a shrivelled-up baby for a year, then finally got his body back.

He’s angry, okay! And Fiennes does a great job of portraying the sheer, destructive, unbridled rage of this character.

The body language. again, since his face is inhuman, this is super important. and Fiennes’ body language is great. Voldemort/Riddle commits to his actions. He is very emotionally-driven.

But yet, he doesn’t feel capable, in the way that the Joker or President Snow do. Yeah, we know anecdotally that he’s incredibly evil, sadistic, and second only to Dumbledore in terms of power, but he loses to a baby, and then that same baby as a teenager. So, we really could have done with seeing Voldemort’s power, cruelty, and evil firsthand a lot more often.

Voldemort is not well-characterized. I don’t understand his motives, and the ones that I do understand are not compelling.

Not to die? Well, he’s already made several Horcruxes. Why not sit back and relax? Why start a war and risk himself?

JKR said that Voldemort’s great desire was to become all-powerful and eternal. But that’s... boring! It does little to tell us about Voldemort, other than that he’s a villain and a wannabe dictator. 

Furthermore, the charm, manipulation, and cunning that are hallmarks of younger Tom Riddle’s personality are gone.

Is Voldemort (to return to Jungian terms) all shadow? An empty creature of simple creation and destruction, perhaps? We’ll discuss this further down...

And this isn’t a problem of having a fantastical world with magic and the like. Grindelwald’s quiet, self-possessed, almost coy “So you think you can hold me?” was infinitely scarier than anything that has ever come out of Voldemort’s mouth. It was chilling. 

OOTP is my favorite book, and the Ministry sequence is one of my favourite in the films. 

This scene where he psyches out Harry, talking so quietly that he could just be a little voice inside his head (and again, during the possession scene)? Absolute perfection. 

Why? Because this showcases what’s truly scary about him. Voldemort can get into your head. He can make you do things. And perhaps, if we had seen that more often, we’d understand how scary he is.

I wish this had been his grand entrance, and not whatever that scene in GOF was. Somehow, him screeching “I WANT TO SEE THE LIGHT LEAVE YOUR EYES!” is not menacing. At all. 

But, I can’t help but think how much greater the emotional affect would be if he had more human features (think the burned-and-blurred, waxy features from Dumbledore’s memory). 

Just imagine these scenes if Voldemort looked human, and spoke as quietly as he did in this one.

Because of the reason that I have little to go on in terms of characterization that I haven’t already covered, we’ll discuss the myth and legend of Lord Voldemort.

I can’t decide if the statue in the films is supposed to be the Angel of Death or the Grim Reaper. He has a skeleton and carries a scythe, but he also has wings. There are so many different interpretations, attitudes towards, and personifications of Death across the world that I don’t want to draw any one conclusion. But I must wonder if Lord Voldemort, with his yew-and-phoenix wand (which carries heavy symbolism of immortality and rebirth) and almost deified figure is meant to be a personification of Death himself? His name, Lord Voldemort, is a shade close to Lord Death.

For years, it has stumped me that wizards and witches are afraid to utter Voldemort’s name, especially since we only see the Taboo in the middle of the last book. It didn’t make sense just based on fear; in the real world, we don’t circumvent Hitler’s name, for example.

Perhaps this may have been obvious to others, but it wasn’t to me.

Here’s a counterargument to myself; why Voldemort shouldn’t look human.

Voldemort, in the Wizarding World, is seen as a literal deity.

I promised to attempt to answer this question in Part 3: 

And so, I can’t help but wonder if the opposite is true… if Tom Riddle creates Horcruxes, would that grant him additional magic powers?

In Part 3, I likened Tom Riddle to a sorcerer in Russian folklore, Koschei the Deathless, also famous for sequestering his soul in objects. This source suggests that Koschei was considered not an ordinary magician, but a representative of the ‘other’ world, the world of death.

So, what if... creating Horcruxes makes you... more than human? Now, I could definitely see god-like status being appealing to sixteen-year-old Tom Riddle. Perhaps, even appealing enough to kill for. Now, his proclivity for Avada Kedavra makes sense. We know it’s an incredibly sinister spell, but at the same time, it’s a very humane way to kill. Why might it be so horrifying?

Here’s a weird theory.

To the best of my knowledge, no one but Voldemort is seen using the Killing Curse more than once or twice. 

Perhaps, ordinary mortals can only cast Avada Kedavra a few times, but Tom, having split his soul and having become in some way a non-human instrument of Death, can cast it however many times as he likes, and that is part of what serves to make him so terrifying.

This makes the idea of Voldemort tossing around Avada Kedavras actually incredibly terrifying, if you take into account what that might mean.

The collective cultural fear of speaking Voldemort’s name supports this theory.

Take the chthonic (underworld) deities of Greek mythology; most notably, Hades and Persephone, the king and queen of the underworld.

Hades, the god of the dead, was feared. 

So feared that the word ‘Hades’ (”the unseen one”) was so frightening, that people came up with all sorts of euphemisms to circumvent actually saying it and he was rarely even depicted in art. For example, they would refer to him as Pluto (”the rich one”), Clymenus ("notorious"), Polydegmon ("who receives many"), and perhaps Eubuleus ("good counsel" or "well-intentioned"), amongst many other names. 

However, he was not seen as evil; just stern, cruel, and fair. Like most Greek gods, he had an associated cult (the Death Eaters, anyone?)

Another interesting connection between Hades and Voldemort is that Hades was associated with snakes.

Persephone (suggested to have a pre-Greek origin and probably pre-dates Hades), who was also a vegetation/fertility/spring goddess, similarly, was referred to as Despoina (”the mistress”), Kore (”the maiden”), etc, because as the terrible Queen of the Dead, it was considered unsafe to speak her name aloud. In mythology and literature, she is sometimes referred to as ‘dread Persephone.’

--Just like how Lord Voldemort is referred to as The Dark Lord, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, You-Know-Who... (and if you’re Dumbledore, ‘Tom’.)

Her central myth served as the context for the secret rites of regeneration at Eleusis (which was basically a mystery cult devoted to her and her mother, Demeter), which promised immortality to initiates.

We don’t know for certain what exactly went on, because, mystery cult -- the members were sworn to secrecy -- but it revolved around immortality and rebirth and possibly psychoactive drugs. 

Perhaps ironically, in comparison to the Death Eaters, anyone could join, as long as they could speak Greek and had never committed murder.

And that concludes my assessment!

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: Jaw$! or How Lena Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Webby (Lena Retrospective Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Trigger Warning: Part of this review contains discussions of abuse which can’t be avoided but I still want to be senstive to my audience and any trauma they’ve gone through.  Welcome back weblena world to Shadow Into Light: My Lena Sabrewing Retrospective. And Jaw$ is here, long live Jaw$. Tiffany was a shark who bites the law she was in an episode i’m reviewing called Jaw$. 

And it’s the money shark before the storm as next month i’ll be going from two Ducktales reviews a week with the Lena retrospective and the last few episodes.. to three, as i’ll ALSO be covering the Della arc from season 1 in the build up to shadow war. And if your wondering if I expertly planned this to coincide with the finale, to the point the shadow war review and those leading up to it will be on the same week as the finale.... nope. I just got REALLLLY lucky as I already had all of that planned out, and the schedule for the  new episodes happened to synch up perfectly, ending just in time for me to revisit the series start and having Magica’s big in person appearance reviewed a week after we get her backstory in Life and Crimes. Though I am VERY happy it worked out this way as I get to properly celebrate the series end with more ducks than ever, and get to cover the pilot the same month as the finale, all things i’d of loved to do anyway and probably would’ve rejiggered my schedule to do. Point is lot of Ducktales content coming for this blog if you like that so stay tuned, but for now join me won’t you under the cut as we dive into a money bin of gay ducks, shadowy machinations, and Bad PR. 

We open as Lena and Donald awkwardly sit on the couch, waiting for Scrooge and the Kids to get home. Understandably it’s just.. dead silence.Given their a cynical teenager secretly working for and forced to obey a horrifying shadow monster and a 35 year old man who dosen’t like living in this house due to painful memories of his presumed dead sister.. and painful memories of pain in general, you have a huge awkward bowl of chips and “I really don’t want to be here right now”. 

Our heroes return though, and Louie tries to take some of their haul for himself but Scrooge stops that “It goes in the bin not to next of kin. “... Man in a Hurry if you would please. 

Thank you. Man in a Hurry everybody. He has to go now, he’s in a hurry. 

 As you can probably guess I do not like this, as it reminds me WAY too much of Scrooge’s worst “quirk” in the comics: how he’d barely pay his nephews, who are often hard up for cash mind you and one of whom is supporting three children ALONE, take them around the world and reap all the benefit for their hard work. It’s not like he did nothing, he did, but it’s way to exploitive for my tastes and can often sink a story if taken too far. It’s not AS bad... but they all went on the mission they all deserve at least something. I DO get keeping the rarest and most dangerous stuff for himself, as he is bankrolling things and does have two bins and a massive garage to safetly store them. But this just comes off as douchey for this version, who while liable to make mistakes with them, is far more nurturing towards his boys and girls. 

Thankfully this was course corrected next season. While Scrooge’s greed was properly restored.. this sort of treatment wasn’t. “Treasure of the Found Lamp” had him undergo character development and realize simply hoarding his treasures isn’t right or fair, and set up a musuem wing so both duckburg and his descendants can see them and get the stories behind them. And on not getting to take things clearly he’s eithe relaxed or stopped the policy as our heroes do have souveneers from time to time. Not a LOT mind, but little things like Dewey having a giant sword or Scrooge outright giving Louie one of his things show he did soften up. Though Della’s return and likely lack of tolerance for this stupid policy in the first place probably helped a lot, I also like to think he did change a bit and realize it was deeply unfair they didn’t get more than a few treasures of their own. So the writers did realize they kind of went overboard here.  I suspect this was more to setup for the episode’s subplot and to make Scrooge’s karma at the end feel justified. Speaking of which we get the start of said Subplot as Beakley comes in with a money cart and the news the board called. Why they called his house instead of his phone I don’t know, some things slip through the cracks when you running both a billion dollar company an da trillion dollar fiendish organization  for world larceny. I mean they clearly worked themselves so hard the other two apparently died between seasons. That or it was the diet of whiskey, orphan tears and grease in a wine glass both had. Bradford always told them it’d kill them though to his credit he only said I told you so twice at their funeral. 

For once no their not mad Scrooge is spending all the money they use to buy fowl jetskis, but because the Company’s having a bit of a PR nightmare now that Scrooge is back in the adventuring game. And we cut to the beanstalk they just adventured on having tore up a good chunk of the town and destroyed large swaths of it just to sell the point this isn’t their normal old man yells at other old man for spending all me money schitck, but a serious problem. As such they’ve booked him an interview with Roxanne Fetherly to improve his image and the companies. 

Scrooge scoffs at this, baffled why he has bad pr as his adventuring is GOOD for the city in the long run: He pays for any damages it causes, and likely at a cost no less which is a LOT coming from scrooge, and puts most of the money he makes on these adventures back into the city and his company, creating more jobs and better living conditions. He does get a wakeup call via  truly hilarous gag as Launchpad pops his head up to say “Good news mr. mcdee, it missed the orphange!” before getting ready to chainsaw the stalk for him. He quickly realizes MAYBE he needs some PR and agress to the interview. 

 This whole subplot really plays into one of the series main themes, one Frank brought up a few months back: Risk vs Reward. Adventuring is entirely about this, that adventure is dangerous, can cost you a lot as we see with Della and the aftermath of her terrible decision making, and can hurt people.. but it can also help people, bring money to those who need it, free those who are being oppressed and open new worlds to everyone. This subplot distills it down great: Scrooge is right that his adventures do bring in money, and as seen with the first episode brought in clean water and power with no drawbacks and only asked to be paid for it, which is fair given he still has to run machines and likely help relocate any workers whose jobs are now redundant to other parts of the company and retrain them. But it costs people their homes and jobs, not forever but still as long as it takes to construct, tears up roads and puts people in danger. It’s plots like this that make Bradford the perfect final boss for the series: He’s someone who blinds himself to the reward of all this and only sees the risk, and raises valid points even if he himself is deeply wrong. He’s right Scrooge causes a lot of danger and threat to the world.. but wrong in that he dosen’t see it’s all worth it for the good of everyone. 

But enough about future story arcs let’s get back to this one, as Webby excitedly greets Lena and hugs her, realizes she’s not hugging her back then gives her another squeeze anyway after claming to hate hugs when just a LOOK at Webby would tell you that’s false. The two are having a sleepover, Webby’s first ever.. and given Lena’s essentially an Emo Hobo and the closest thing she has to home is that starlight ancient amptheater that’s never properly explained. Seriously ancient ruins near Duckburg dosen’t suprise me, but at least tell me what they are and why Magica chose them. And why Louie hasn’t tried to sell tickets to Dewey boxing a gorilla in them. Or probably a possum I mean their on a budget and gorillas snap necks, but still i’d pay to see that as would we all. 

Point is it’s their first sleepover and naturally Webby’s first bit of smalltalk.. is how tucking in can be used for interogation techniques. I’d be more suprised if earlier this season it hadn’t already been shown Beakly regularly enrolls her daughter in the no murder, unless you really want to, hunger games every year. The fact Webby hasn’t become the bat is only because she hasn’t found a costume that’s the right combintion of pinks and purples to instill pantswetting terror yet. That shit takes time. 

Lena goes to the bathroom.. to talk to Magica who we properly get to meet. She did speak last time, but this ep is the one that properly establishes her personality for the reboot: she has clever plans, tons of power, if sealed currently, and is a genuine threat.. but she’s also a bit of a ham, in love with the old ultra violence and really short sighted in her plans, something we got hints of last time as her best solution to the Beakly Problem was  to just leave her to die and hope scrooge and webby, two people who love solving mysteries and unlocking puzzles, don’t investigate the horrifying death, accident or not, of their only friend and grandmother, and that neither, especially the 12 year old spiraling with grief, would suspect a former spy died. Thoguh in fairness on the spy thing it’s plausable Magica didn’t know that, but still it’s a bad plan. Magica has good ideas but is just so obessed with the brute force way of doing things she forgets the subtle approach works better.. and so far it has well for Lena.  Problem is it’s VERY clear by this point that Lena likes Webby, maybe not romantic styles JUST YET but it’s getting there. Webby on the otherhand has been in love with Lena from the freaking concept art which showed her blushing around her.. and that was in her 87 design.. which they thankfully changed. It’s not terrible but it just dosen’t fit well with this universe. Point is Lena is catching feelings and Magica realizes this and tries to gaslight her telling her she’d never acccept the truth abotu her and so on. As we all know and as we’ll see that’s bullshit but it’s an effective manipulation. We also find out Magica’s plan: she had Lena sneak a jewel into the treasure going into the bin, and it’s going to turn into a monster that will seek out the Number One Dime for them. She also vaugely hints that there’s something Lena needs from Magica. 

Once Lena returns, and Webby let’s her rabbit know the interogation isn’t over, she gives her possible future girlfirend a gift: friendship bracelets! They both put them on and it’s really fucking cute.. and will be both a tangible symbol of hteir friendship and a plot point several times, something I honestly hadn’t thoguht about till now. Lena, put off by the gesture not because she dosen’t aprpciate it because of the crushing guilt of lying to the one person who cares about her under the insucrtions of a sociopath, goes to Webby’s big old corkboard which is always fun to look at.. especially since it’s clearly the ONLY glimpse at Hortense we’re going to get all series. 

We’re not getting Grandma Duck either. Though at least Frank actually regrets that one. But the important part is one of the posts mentoniing Scrooge hates magic, something Webby elaborates on: He hates spells, hexs curses and what not and feels them a shortcut.  From the man who has a garage full of them. 

I do kid as I did realize there’s a valid expliantion for this: Scrooge will use magical items, protection spells that sort of thing.. but he uses them like anything else as needed. He’s too pragmatic to not say, use the jewel of atlantis to give a city clean energy and water he can montizie, or the split sword against FOWL.. but more often than not he just dosen’t need them. He collects them because it’s fun, oftne profitable.. and their simply SAFER in his museum wing, garage and second bin will get to in two weeks. He’s seen time and time again how people misuse magic, forget it has a price, or just rely on it instead of actual skill. He’s also clearly been on the bad end of a LOT of evil sorcerers and soreceresses, especially magica. Magic isn’t inherently bad, which in itself is a BIG message of Lena’s arc, it’s just somethign that’s the OPPPSOITE OF everythign scrooge is: sacrifcing others for power, relying on something besides yourself, distance attacks versus up close and personal phsycial attacks.. it was never going to be for him and tons of bad experinces with it only cemented it. He’s just not so stubborn outside of the santa thing to avoid something if it’s going to net him a profit or come in a pinch. 

So naturally Scrooge has banned any magic books from his house, as he has no use for spellcasting and any he’d need to keep for saftey or history’s sake are likely at the archives, but just as naturally, Webby smuggled one in and wants to try it with Lena ducking it and asking to play some games. I”m sure Huey has a few yugioh decks in his room go bug him. But before they can decide on one, the boys attack for a PILLOW FIGHT.... which is a sweet gesture and them just wanting to hang out, but ends with them all eating the ground and questioning why they thought attacking the duck equilvent of cassandra cain was a good idea. Louie decides to salvage it with a swim.. but since their pool has a boat in it he has a diffrent location in mind: the bin.

So while they head off to get head injuries, Beakly tries to prepare Scrooge as the Media are vultures and looking for the next scandal with public figures and it’s accurate. But given Scrooge’s natural mood is grumpus, this dosen’t go well at all and even a spray bottle dosen’t exactly help.. I mean it is the best method to deal with grumpy old men but it can only do so much. 

At the bin we get a lovely bit as Dewey prepares to dive and his brothers treat it like an olympic one, with both doing commentary, Dewey’s apparently response to if he was worried about brain damage was Nerp, and we get the wonderous national anthem of dewdonia. Just nice as well as lovely to see the brothers just having a crack and enjoying each others company with their own weird injokes but without the injokes feeling as forced as they were in “Beagle Birthday Massacre”. Things take a turn though as we see just what magica created with the stone... a giant shark made of scrooges money who eats that fucker in a single bite.. in this case Dewey. Louie and Huey naturally run off panicked.

So while Huey and Louie gain another scarring memory to tell their therapist when their older, Scrooge begins his interview with Roxanne Fetherly who.. honestly just weirds me out. Not for any personality stuff but because she has green feathers. And it just.. really feels WEIRD. I mean green ducks are a thing in real life.. but it just looks off to have such a pastel color on a duck when the other colors are white or tones meant to invoke real world races, allowing ducks to be black, latino, asian and so on and so on coded. That’s fine and blends in fine.. but with that metaphor the green just really dosen’t fit well at all. It feels like an early decision they made, but decided not to retcon or go with for anyone else which makes it all the more weird. We’re 3 seasons in , almost at the end, and the only other green duck we’ve seen was like that because of magic and the offputting nature of it WORKS for magica. Here I just don’t get it and I never well. But naturally Roxanne starts in on invasive, gotcha questions with no real good answers or time to respond, so fox news level questions, and then asks what part of ireland he’s from. 

Naturally that sets him off so while that rant goes on, literally next time we see him he’s still going on about it, we cut to the girls playing truth or dare.. and given Webby’s first question is about deepest darkest secrets the boys once again save her by running in... to report on the monster she created that just ate their brother. Lena brushes it off but does get them not to go to scrooge claming he’ll throw them to the shark himself. I mean he’s not comics scrooge so he probably woudln’t but their also two scared 11-12 year olds so it works well enough. They just need a way to go after the money shark. Enter launchapd who in the second best bit of the episode, says he sensed his best friend dewey was in danger. Beck’s delivery is what sells it.. and I’m not going to question it. He’s somehow alive despite presumibly living off a diet of spaghett-o’s, barely avoiding a car accident on his best days, and as we’ll find out later believing children in costumes are monsters he summoned when he was 8. The fact he suddenly has spider sense specifically related to people he cares about is honestly less of a surprise than the fact he’s not in heaven crashing God’s Speedboat into God’s Golden Castle with God’s Golden Lion riding shotgun. 

So they do the natural thing and.. steal Donald’s houseboat while he sleeps. He has no more involvement in this episode other than noticing it’s back and not in great condition at the end. I bring this up because this is one of Donalds ONLY apperances this season, and it’s part of the larger more irritating problem that he’s hardly ever used.. despite promoting him as a major part of the series. 

I will talk about this more during the Della arc as i’ts more relevant there, but needless to say it bothers me a lot and not knowing how to ballance it’s massive main cast was a constant struggle for the series even up to the final episodes going on right now. 

So our heroes head out on the bin late at night, where could the Jaw$ be she’s nowhere in sight. So they decide to use other treasure as a lure they either fished out of a bin or out of scrooge’s bathwater. How bathing in coins gets him clean I don’t know and frankly I dont’ think we want the answers to that and the idea of scrooge fully naked is so horrifying I forgot what I was talking about.

Ah yes our heroes are playing bait the money monster and find out it’s a shark, and Lena.. is not okay with that and goes to talk to Magica inside the boat. Magica tells us she has a name, Tiffany. Awww what a lovely name for a money shark. I would of gone with Rags to Bitches, but I may have brain damage.  Lena understandabily does not like the idea of getting eaten by a shark, asked to be informed and while Magica is mad at her for going after the thing, Lena reasonably points out that it was this or Scrooge got involved.  Up top Huey tries catching it with a bit of treasure on a rope.. after not shutting up about shark facts because “Facts comfort me when i’m nervous!” Precious angel. But Huey’s leg gets caught and he and Louie, somehow on the latter get thrown up in the air and chomped. Back bellow Webby has a suggestion: using magic. Lena naturally not wanting to blow her cover or really liking magic period is against it for now. 

Back at the interview, Roxanne brings on a special guest to prove people don’t like scrooge: GLOMGOLD!

Glomgold may create some issues for the subplot and we’ll get to those in due time, but damn if it isn’t always a pleasure to see him. He’s also on good terms with Roxanne... are.. are we sure this is local news and not fox news? Taking the word of a conservative greedy billionare over a progressive one seems like a fox move. Though I might actually watch fox news if glomgold was a commentator.  “I propose a red new deal instead of this blasted green new deal, I throw Scrooge to a tank of sharks connected to a generator, the tank turns red with his blood and that somehow creates power! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT MCDUCK” 

So we get the best bit of the episode as Glomgold tries to complain about his building being destroyed which would be fair... if he hadn’t tried to blow up Scrooge’s bin twice this week, with Glomgold going for THREE.. for threee.. for three... it dosen’t go off but it does get scrooge to say he’s glad the building was destroyed. Which is fair but NOT super great PR.  

Back at the shark things don’t get better as Webby and Lena argue over the use of magic, I mean as much as they can argue Webby just wants to know why she’s so cagey about this while they go with plan “Launchpad crash into it”. Launchpad also gives a hell of a monologue. Good on you bud. As you can see launchpad’s gotten 100% better since his low point in our last episode. That’s because it’s clear the writers had some struggle ballancing his amped up stupidity with actual competence, making him primarily jokey comic relief in the first few episodes and I wouldn’t be shocked if Terror of The Terra Firmians was written before a lot of the later episodes despite airing around the same time. But by mid-season he’s got his much more lovable charactersation of a dangerous moron..l but one who CAN be competent and is genuinely charming due to how much he cares about his friends and his job. They also dialed down the stupid down to an acceptable homer simpson level: still a danger to himself and others but hilariously so. Point is they fixed it and while i’ll complain about mistakes the show made I will give this crew all the credit for course correcting time and time again and actually listening to fan feedback.

So Webby figures they tried the Jaws option and lost the boat and launchpad, time for plan Magic. They hold hands, EEEEEEEEE, and try a spell.. and it clearly starts working but almost works TOO well, as Lena starts glowing first purple.. then blue. Hmmmm... intresteing. Lena breaks it off and Tiffany breaks out of the bin.. just as scrooge says on the news his adventures aren’t dangerous. 

Scrooge naturally goes to face it while Webby wonders why Lena didn’t go for it. To make it a triple Scrooge shows up in time to distract tiffany.. with the number one dime, which as lena found out earlier is on his person rather than at the bin like the public thinks. So while Scrooge puts up a good show.. seriously it’s really awesome and really neat looking, though he also gets VERY upset that people are naturally holding out buckets for the cash shark, which he’s not happy about because well.. he did EARN that money. Most bin money is stuff directly earned by him so fair enough. But while he’s you know, Scrooge Fucking McDuck, and thus puts up a good fight the monster eats him.. and gets the dime stuck in it’s tooth with Magica wanting Lena to grab for it, forgetting that minons, while mildly disposable, aren’t really replaceable when your SOUL’S ATTACHED TO THEM. That’s where Magica’s weakness is. her plans aren’t half bad but as I said, she’s far too bloodthirsty and short sighted. She has better ones than glomgold but ironcially they share the same problem of not thinkign them through. And Magica cares so little for lena she’s blinded to the fact her own personal saftey is tied up in her. 

Lena naturally dives for her future girlfrriend and heads into the belly of the beast. And it’s here her REAL moment of truth is. While the one last episode was noble.. it was also easy enough to brush off internal as pragmatisim. Letting Beakly die would’ve brought too much heat and been too easy to quickly go terrible, while saving her got her off Lena’s trail and gave her free reign of the manner. But here? Webby is about to slip into Tiffany’s stomach and whle she hasn’t digested anyone yet given who made Tiffany with it’s likely just because she hasn’t had enough mass to create chainsaws to carve them all up. It’s the Dime or Webby. Lena’s own freedom or the girl she loves. Nothing good comes from saving Webby.. other than Webby. Other than the one person whose truly loved her. I mean think about it: She was created by magica, abused for a good decade and a half. No one but Magica has had a chance to care about her and as we’ve seen Magica only sees her as a weapon to get back at scrooge and not as a person. Webby was the first person she’s ever made a genuine connection with, that’s been there for her, that loves her unconditionally and woiuld be there for her no matter what. And it’s in that moment Lena realizes she can’t sacrifice her for her own good... that after years of having to be selfish to surivive being chained to that monster... she can’t be this time. No mastter what it costs her.. Webby is priceless. So Lena recites the spell, growing bright blue and blowing up tiffany. Lena gladly hugs webby who reciorpates, awww gaybies, and Launchpad hugs dewey. Awww... what it’s still precious he’s a good surrogate uncle. The wacky kind who sleeps in a van on your lawn. 

So Scrooge is glad.. though it’s here his subplot falls flat. Him getting attacked by the media and getting a compupance by loosing tons of money from tiffany is fine. Evne if he earned it, his lack of care did bring this on him.. hte problem is they take it too far by having all his nemies show up, him unable to say anything and glomgold blatantly doing so just to steal from him. Otherwise the subplot is fine, a bit heavy on scrooge being a dick but it has to to work and puts him in an awkward situation. But this ending just feels to over the top to realy enjoy. And the series does do over the top humor well so I don’t know what happened here. But having a bunch of outright thieves steel his money instad of a bunch of citizens who didn’t know better and deserved it for the damage, feels wrong and it tastes wrong. 

Speaking of feels wrong and tastes wrong we get an INTEINTONAL dose of that as back at the amptheater, Lena and Magica argue about the situation and Magica trying to kill her. Lena tries to walk away but can’t.. phsyically. Magica won’t let her. And this is honestly a very crushing and very well crafted metaphor for how abuse victims sometimes CAN’T escape their abusers. Magica is verbally abusive, treats lena like she’s disposable and constnatly downtalks her self esteem. To Lena magica is nothing but a tool.. but like MANY children caught in horrifcally abusive situations Lena can’t get away. It’s a literal metaphor, an da good one, for how you can’t ALWAYS escape abuse easily, and this especially true for kids who have nowhere to go and hte law on their abusers side more often than not. It’s hard to escape an abusive parent and even harder when they dont’ consider you a person. I thankfully have no personal experince with this but it dosen’t make it any less of a problem nor any less noble of this show to tackle the subject in a frank, if fantastical, way, and a good chunk of Lena’s arc is overcoming this abuse and not letting her abusive past drown her. But for now.. all she can do is agree to do what Magica says till she can hopefully be rid of her. But the light at the end of the tunnel’s coming.. there’s just a whole lotta darkness first. 

Next Time: We take a break from the episodes to cover some Lena related comics for a double feature; The first Spies Like Us has everyones faviorite lesbian ducks go on a spy adventure that was never printed in the us for silly reasons we’lll get to and then the 87 ducktales comic dime after dime which features Lena’s predecessor Minima. 

Later Today: Close Enough Season 2 is here! I”m going to talk about it! Exclimation Points! 

If you liked this review feel free to follow for more. And if you have an episode of Ducktales or another animated show you’d like me to cover just hit me up via my asks or direct messages on here and comission it. And if you’d rather just support me on a monthly basis, head over to my patreon. THE LINK IS RIGHT HERE.  Even a buck a month would help and the more of you that donate the closer we get to my Duckcentric stretch goals. The current closest ones are 15, which would lead to reviews of The Goofy Movies and Treasure of the Lost Lamp, and 20 which would lead both to a review of the Super Ducktales mini series, and monthly darkwing duck reviews! So if you like me talking about ducks and want to bolt some duck reviews to the schedule, even a dollar a month would inch me closer to that goal. Eveyr bit helps. But money or not, it’s been a pleasure and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[silyabeeodess]

So... Last night, I read the Balan Wonderworld novel.  It’s... something.  It's not bad--I did enjoy it and it does have its moments--but there’s bits that don’t really seem to work as well as they could’ve and they can add up.  To avoid major spoilers, like last time, I’ll put my thoughts below the cut, so be warned:

Most of my concerns are issues with the individual characters, but I’ll start by talking about the book itself first.  Because there are so many people and themes in it to discuss, with the plot covering every stage and each of the residents’ backstories, you have to move through events quickly: We don’t really spend enough time with any of the characters to know them beyond some basic traits and what they need.  Fine for a game and with visuals, sure, but not so much for a story.  Things can feel like they’re moving a bit too fast, which I can excuse because of the large cast number; however, the writing only amplifies the problem and makes it feel like the book is being padded with wasted, repetitive dialogue that takes away from the story. I want you to imagine taking the 12 Days of Christmas and turning it into a novel--not with the things divided up into each individual day, but each chapter repeating all of the other days that came before it.  It’s stale, it’s droning, and you as a reader will just end up skipping through material after a while.  The book does this through the visions the characters share of Balan and Fighter/Emma, with Streetbeat/Leo and the residents each having them with slight differences in-between.  As you meet each individual resident, one by one, they repeat a lot of the same things over and over.  Not only that, but then you have to loop back through them and their stages a second time as Leo saves everyone.  It’s not quite as bad as my 12 Days of Christmas example, but it does get to the point where you’re ready to say, “I get it! Your lover gave you calling birds, hens, doves, and a partridge--please, just move on already!” There are such easy fixes to this issue too, like having characters already meeting in each other’s stages to cover them together, maybe summarizing the differences in their stages to set up Leo’s expectations before he sees how distorted they become later on since he’s going to have to visit each one anyway.  Instead, time is wasted that could’ve been spent on descriptions or building the characters in other ways.      

I think the one character that suffers the most because of this Fighter/Emma.  Because she’s placed in the story with the same mystery as Balan and viewed as a villain by the rest of the cast up until the end, she’s constantly being sidelined even though she’s a main character.  She’s used more-so as a plot device for Leo, running off to do her own thing when she’s no longer needed, and then gets no conclusion where all of the other characters do.  It’s like that meme where a person asks, “What about Emma?” and everyone just repeats the question dismissively as an answer. Again, I get it, we’re following Leo’s story here just as we would only be following one of them in the game, but it’s bad to keep dismissing her all while using her as a necessary key to saving everyone else.  I guess it’s implied at the end that the Wonderworld gang might seek her out too, as they did with each other, but she’s barely a footnote.  Balan and Lance suffer a little bit too, but do make enough satisfying reappearances that it’s not as much of an issue.  

I kind of want to avoid talking about the writing style further, as I can’t help but wonder how much might be more of something like a translation issue; however, I will say that if you plan on reading this with a young reader, be ready to explain some extensive vocabulary to them.  The style itself isn’t very flowery, the book isn’t a heavy text, but there are some words they won’t understand that can’t be deciphered by using the surrounding text.  Like I said, the book doesn’t have a strong focus on description: Moreover though, there’s not as many illustrations paced through the book as you would imagine based on the preview.  You end have having to rely on what you already know going off those first images at the start of the book introducing the characters or if you’ve played the game. It’s not a big thing, but I can see it being a small problem if you chose to read the novel alone.  I tend to lean toward styles with heavier description in both my reading and writing though, so that might be a bit of my personal bias as well.  Some of you may prefer it as it is.

Now getting on to the individual characters... Oh boy, is there some stuff to go through.  Let me start with the one I’m actually a little uncomfortable with, as her actions affect some of the other characters as well in major ways: The Clocktower Kid/Cass Milligan.  Throughout the story, we’re given clues that she has a big crush on Pensive Perriot/Attilio Caccini--who, as most of you likely already know--is in love with a woman who works with him at his theme park as a princess.  By the end of the book, it’s revealed that there’s a near decade-long gap between when the two stepped into Wonderworld and that Cass is the princess...  Thankfully, Attilio showed no interest in Cass as her child-self and this means that they’re actually close to the same age, but let’s unpack the assortment of other problems this brings up.  1.)  This goes beyond a childhood crush with someone older that most people get over: The girl devoted a decade of her life to getting the princess role so she could be with the guy.  If it was a year or two between teenagers, that would be one thing: This borderlines obsession.  2.) She knows who Attilio is from the beginning and waits for him to confess his love to her before revealing her identity.  She says it’s because she didn’t want to risk messing up the timeline, but her own actions could’ve done exactly that had the princess role been meant for literally any other girl on the entire planet.  She didn’t know that she was meant to be the princess: All she knew was that she wanted to be with Attilio.  3.)  Either Attilio just kind of accepts all of this or, again, the pacing won’t give us some much-needed details, because the next thing we know we’re getting to their engagement and honeymoon months later.  Keep in mind: While she waits a decade for him, his confession takes place barely a few hours after he leaves Wonderworld.  I think the guy would need at least a little time to process everything.  4.)  While the book seems to stay close to the game’s canon from what I’ve seen, this particular relationship is handled even weirder in its cutscenes.  For one thing, it’s not revealed that Cass is the princess.  For another, despite this, we see her with Attilio anyway as her young, childhood self--granted, without any big hints to a romance between them. I’ll let you dissect what you will from that.

Let me get to The Checkered King/Cal Suresh next.  In the novel, a couple of the characters had their backstories tweaked.  These changes don’t interfere with what we see from the game’s cutscenes, but they do add more context to them that changes what particular issues the characters are suffering through.  In Cal’s case, his obsession with his champion title in chess led him to ignore his dying wife, adding an extreme sense of guilt and longing that wasn’t there when we believed this was just a matter of his pride and sense of identity alone.  Enter Cass, who reappears in her timeline before this death takes place, finds out who Cal is... and apparently does nothing to warn him. We can use her timeline excuse, but this is someone’s dying wife we’re talking about--she even sees him grieving over her in an illusion as they’re all leaving Wonderworld.  Even if no one could do anything for Mrs. Suresh, even if Cal didn’t listen to Cass and dismissed everything she had to say about wasting precious hours better spent with the people you love, I think an attempt at talking to him would at least be necessary.  No though, the book just ignores that while the two of them and Attilio eat snacks together.            

Cal isn’t the only one who had the added trauma of death: They did it to The Watcher/Sana Hudson too.  In her case, she was trying to protect some endangered birds that were killed--both directly and indirectly--by the construction workers in her area, leading her to despise humanity for its “greed and selfishness.”  Now, her situation/feelings is/are perfectly understandable, especially given how the construction workers in the story are portrayed.  What doesn’t really work is the context surrounding the issue and her actions involving the event. Now, I admit this first point is a bit weak as I can’t speak for the regulations across every country and we don’t know exactly where Sana is from, but a lot of places have heavy regulations and work with big organizations to protect endangered species.  Not to mention this is a bit of a heavy topic with much-needed context for a book like this to properly cover.  This fact isn’t even glossed over though and the workers have no problem cutting down the birds’ tree despite how this would likely cause massive legal trouble for them and be a major deterrent as a result.  As to the “greed and selfishness of man,” this doesn’t really work well considering that the workers are trying to build a residential area.  A cost to the environment?  Yes.  However, it was likely ordered for the benefit of the community.  We see this debated a little more evenly in the conclusion to Sana’s story; however, we’re also pretty much told “Yeah, humans are terrible and can never change. Pick birds over them,” beforehand.  Lastly, Sana’s own actions--or rather, lackthereof.  When the birds lose their tree, their eggs are destroyed and the parents stay behind out of their love for their deceased offspring rather than leave for winter later on, resulting in their deaths.  To try to prevent this, Sana begs the birds to leave... Let me repeat that: She begs the birds to leave.  The problem?  They’re birds.  They’re animals.  And, outside of the theatre, this is supposedly a world just like ours.  You can’t reason with a bird like a person.  She could’ve just as easily tried to capture the birds and brought them somewhere safer herself or called someone who would.  If that didn’t work, at least those actions would make a lot more sense for the hatred she feels towards other humans: Instead, this decision makes their deaths kinda her fault too for leaving them there despite knowing what would happen is she did. 

I don’t know how I feel about the added issues involving death.  Yes, there’s a lot surrounding that theme alone to cover, but part of Balan Wonderworld’s charm is confronting all these people with extremely diverse problems, some stemming from issues beyond their control and some their own, internal struggles. The inclusion of death might have made the consequences of events more traumatic, but I think to a detriment.  It doesn’t affect Sana as much, but Cal’s case is the worst, as his wife’s passing echoes the regret and mourning we already get from The Lady/Iben Bia’s story when it could’ve been it’s own, independent thing focusing on pride, identity, and a sense of fulfillment that we see more in his game counterpart.  I can’t help but feel that we miss out on a wider range of messages by emphasizing on the aspect of death so much.         

Lastly, let’s get to Balan and Lance.  Overall, I greatly enjoyed the twist at the end with the connection between their characters.  The problems I have with them, honestly, I debate whether or not are even problems at all as they do address real concerns that perfectly fit what individuals in their circumstances would go through.  First Lance, then Balan, they’ve spent a millennia helping others repair the imbalance in their hearts.  People come, people go, and they’re left behind, forever alone in that that theatre.  It would be crushing.  Lance already broke under the weight of that pain, which is why Balan exists--and now he’s likely doomed to continue the cycle as he suffers this same degree of loneliness.  My main issue is that there’s so much to cover about this that we’re barely given a teaspoon of.  The author couldn’t really give us much, as this book’s main focus was on Wonderworld’s inhabitants.  It feels though that there’s something being built-up that we might not ever get to see completed depending on how successful the franchise it, which is sad if that’s the case.  (Hey though: That’s where we fans usually step in, right?)          

Secondary to that is that there’s a level of hypocrisy to Balan, Lance, and how they engage with the inhabitants.  I kind of love it, but this is where I’m a little conflicted since Balan is supposed to be the one helping people fix their hearts.  Two general themes that carry over greatly among all of the inhabitants is the importance of love and friendship, how we rely on others to grow and save us from the worst of ourselves.  Balan, however, is required to stay detached from others no matter how much it hurts or what it will inevitably lead to, as everyone must leave Wonderworld eventually.  It’s a conflict of interest.  Ironically enough, it’s Lance’s decision to trap Leo in a stage and his overwhelming longing for true connections that allow the inhabitants to find and help each other.  It’s bad that Balan and Lance couldn’t take the lessons they gave others and apply it to themselves, because their situation is so extreme. 

Furthermore, there’s a hypocrisy between Balan and Lance in their decision to wipe the inhabitants memories.  It’s revealed not to be a magical phenomena caused by the theatre itself once people leave it as many of us thought, but rather a conscious choice Balan makes--just like Lance.  However, while Lance does it to keep the inhabitants contently trapped inside their hearts, we’re not really given a reason for Balan’s actions. Memories, good and bad, are a vital piece of us: We reflect on them as we grow to maintain the lessons we learned in those moments that make us who we are.  We see the danger of lost memories not just with Lance, but with Balan as well as part of Sana’s conclusion alludes to a potential relapse.  It was her connection to the people she met in Wonderworld that allowed her to recognize one of them--Eis Glover--back home and keep her grounded in another, potentially shattering instant of her life. Similarly, Leo only managed to restore his imbalance because of his friendships with the other inhabitants--friendships he was destined to lose the moment he walked out of the theatre had Balan taken everyone’s memories.  This too, I feel, could’ve caused Leo to relapse.  If so, Balan’s choice to let them keep their memories of Wonderworld likely prevented them from needing to come back to the theatre--at least not as often as they may have needed to otherwise.  Let’s get to the question Lance brings up at the end: “Honestly, enough with the self-deception.  You normally take everyone’s memories when they leave, so why this time did you make an exception?” It could be that Balan simply didn’t want to be forgotten anymore.  It could also be that he loved them enough that he didn’t want them to suffer to the extent where they had to return to the theatre even if it meant there was a chance he wouldn’t see them again.  That idea would beg a second question though: Why did Balan erase the memories of every inhabitant who came before them?   (If it isn’t obvious by now, this scene was my favorite bit in the whole book.)    

I know this whole post seems to be mostly a series of complaints, but I did enjoy the book overall: I just have a tendency to look at every detail and, when things don’t work, they stay in my mind for a long while.  Like I said at the start, the novel isn’t a bad read, it just has some bad points.  If you’re already a fan of the game, you’ll probably enjoy it too.  If not, I’d recommend checking out some of the other content available--like the video previews/cutscenes introducing the characters--before stepping into this.   

[hubbytaeil]

Could you write with prompts "Take another step, and I can’t be held responsible for my actions." +“I’d hold onto something if I were you.” with mr moon what a tease taeil, please? Thank you ♡♡♡♡

Taeil +  #59"Take another step, and I can’t be held responsible for my actions."  & #69“I’d hold onto something if I were you.”

characters: Taeil x female reader ft. best friend!Donghyuck

word count: +3k (oops)

genre: smut, little fluff towards the end

soundtrack: do me - kim petras

a/n: AAAA finally a Taeil request :’) i was so happy when i found this in my inbox, thank you anon, I hope it’s not too long but oh well hehe

summary: cutting straight to the chase is no fun sometimes.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Visiting your friend Donghyuck at his place was a weekly appointment for you. After a session of you absolutely destroying him in Overwatch, you would order pizza and gossip peacefully in the kitchen. It was all fun and games up until his roommate Taeil would come home from work. You had never gotten to talk to him properly ever since he had moved in, but taking the first step to establish a neutral 'hey, I'm your roommate's friend' type of relationship was taking way more effort than you expected. Mainly because every time you would greet him, Taeil would just nod his head and walk straight to his room. "I swear, he's hilarious when it's just me and him." Donghyuckwould say to justify his friend's awkward behaviour.

Everything changed one night during which you were woken up by the sound of your ringtone. You picked up the phone to a completely wasted Donghyuck, begging you to come and pick him up. When you arrived at the club, visibly irritated, you were surprised to see Taeil as well, who was clinging onto Donghyuck's shoulder in the attempt of standing up straight. He was wearing a simple black shirt, unbuttoned just enough for you to admire the modest necklace hanging on his chest. His face was adorned with a cheeky smile you had never seen before; his body was swaying left and right, unable to stay still."Hey, y/n." he winked at you before finally freeing Donghyuck and moving towards you with irregular steps. Instinctively, you spread out your arms foreword, catching him before he could fall, surprising even yourself by your swift reaction. "Hey, look at those lovebirds bonding! How cute!" Donghyuck exclaimed for everyone who could hear him, pointing his finger at you and Taeil, still entangled rather awkwardly. You felt your cheeks getting hotter as Taeil was mumbling sentences that made no sense in your ear, but you blamed it on the anger." Shut up and get in the car, you idiot." You hissed in response, glaring at Donghyuck before grabbing him by the hem of his sleeve, all the while trying to ignore the other man who still had his arms around you even when you finally reached the parking lot.

In the car ride, Donghyuck fell sound asleep in the span of two minutes, whilst Taeil, who was sitting beside you, kept on uttering cheesy pick-up lines that would get lost in the back of his throat before he could finish them. Your initial intention was to keep a frown and ignore him, to show him your annoyance with the entire situation. But you had to admit, your plans took a detour when you noticed for the first time just how attractive Taeil really was. With his shirt swinging back and forth when he rolled down the window all the way, revealing a little more than you had already seen, his skin glistening under the artificial lights as he kept on playing with his hair; he looked rather otherworldly. And kind of distracting, you reminded yourself as you gripped the wheel firmly, concentrating on the road. But Taeil was not going to let you go that easily. Smoothly, he brought his hand to rest on your thigh to gain back your attention. You gulped in your throat but your eyes remained strictly where they were. Your mind couldn't figure out what to say at the feeling of Taeil's warm palm over your cold skin. "Is this bothering you, y/n?" Taeil muttered, giving your bare thigh a faint squeeze. You swallowed over nothing again, avoiding his gaze at all costs. "You're very straightforward when you're drunk, uh?" You questioned, carefully moving Taeil's hand away and positioning it back on his lap; yet once again he was one step ahead of you. When you were about to put your hand back on the wheel, Taeil forced it down on his leg, maybe a little too close to his crotch, squeezing your fingers fiercely. "Is being straightforward a bad thing?" At this point, you were starting to question if you were the intoxicated one, since your head was starting to spin due to this sudden new side of your friend's roommate you were witnessing. "Not- not necessarily, no." You responded nervously, doing whatever you could to free yourself from Taeil's grip, unsuccessfully. The car ride proceeded in silence, with your hand still glued to Taeil's thigh, and Donghyuck's snores having the better of the music that was playing.

After that night, every time Taeil would walk in on you and Donghyuck, the tension was palpable and rather suffocating. At least he started talking more, cracking a few jokes here and there, but you couldn't shake off the vision of him, basically pressing your hand down on his lap, piercing through with his daring eyes. Or, to be more precise, he wouldn't let you shake it off. With every chance he would get, Taeil would sneakily try to start some sort of physical contact, whether that'd be nudging your shoulder with his, his hand rubbing the small of your back whenever he needed to pass through, or when luck turned his way and Donghyuck would leave the room, grabbing your hips and giving you a back hug that was anything but done in good friendship. You knew the right thing would've been to call him out as soon as the whole thing started. But you let it slide, thinking Taeil would've stopped. That's what you said yourself the first time, and the second time too. By the fifth time you realised you were not bothered at all by how he was acting. In fact, it was nice knowing that visiting Donghyuck also meant seeing Taeil and getting some well- deserved attention.

By the time you lost count, you and Taeil both knew that the tension that was building up would've exploded the minute you two would've found yourselves alone. You deluded yourself thinking that wouldn't have happened in a million years. Taeil was never home most of the time, and when he was Donghyuck was there too, nothing to worry about. But when you least expected it, the universe smacked you right in the face when something Donghyuck had ordered online was delivered to your address accidentally. Since you didn't live far away, you thought it sensible to bring the package to its rightful owner. But when you knocked the door, his rather silent yet determined roommate opened up, just as astonished as you. You stumbled on your words while explaining the reason of your visit, to which Taeil just hummed in response, clearing his throat before revealing that Donghyuck was stuck at work. "Oh, really?" "Yeah, he won't be home for hours." You nodded, with the box still in your hands and your mouth semi-open, in hope to come out with a descent answer. "Well, don't just stand there." Exclaimed Taeil, taking the package gently out your hands and placing it in front of the shoe rack. "I can make you some coffee." You were ready to refuse his proposal, eager to leave the apartment immediately. "C'mon, I was just making it, there's enough for both of us." Taeil turned around, expecting you to follow him into the kitchen. And that's what you did. You sat down the chair, observing Taeil's arms thoroughly while they moved with delicate motions as he was pouring the hot drink into the coloured cups. It was just a small habit you had picked up; when Taeil wasn't looking your eyes would analyse his every mannerism, to the point where you could guess in which way his hair would've fallen if he turned around. The gentle tap of the cups being placed on the table brought you back on Earth. "Thank you Taeil, you didn't have to." You said, taking a sip of coffee. He shook his head, letting out a soft chuckle. "But I wanted to." You spilled some of your drink at his statement, immediately grabbing a napkin to dry the wooden table. "Am I that bad at flirting, y/n?" Taeil asked almost to himself; you looked at him completely dumbstruck, inevitably caught off guard by Taeil's change of tone. But that's what you liked the most about him: his ability of going from looking a little too innocent to spitting out exactly what he was thinking without any filters. "N-no, not bad...just, maybe a bit confusing?" You replied, standing up quickly to throw away the stained napkin. "Confusing? In what way?" Taeil was genuinely curious, yet you couldn't help but fake a small laugh, turning in his direction. "Uhm, let me think... maybe when at first you barely talk to me, then you get drunk and start putting my hand on your crotch while I'm driving" you started to explain and you could see his expression getting more disoriented in the corner of your eye as you proceeded with your list. "...or when as soon as Donghyuck turns around you waste no time before getting your hands on me. Yeah, you have to admit, it's very confusing. " Silence fell upon the kitchen for a moment before Taeil spoke again. He shifted in his seat just enough to face you directly. Somehow, his eyes emanated a strange kind of light, just like that night in the car. "You don't seem to dislike it though." Touché. No words left your lips, you let your eyes speak for you, gazing at Taeil from head to toe, feeling like a firework, ready to shoot colourful sparks at any moment if he kept on gawking at you like a hunter setting a trap for his prey. Taeil stood up as well, slowly making his way to the side of the room where you were standing. "Don't." You warned him before he could get any closer. "Why?" Taeil tilted his head to the side, never losing the eye contact. Even if the windows were wide open, it was getting harder to breath. There was still a significant amount of distance between you and Taeil, and yet you could feel his touch on you, almost like phantom pain. And your body was eager to feel more of that pain. "Take another step, and I can’t be held responsible for my actions." You stated, leaning back on the counter, so you could get a better look at him. Taeil raised his eyebrow at you in response before mockingly taking one single step forward. "Oops." He whispered, innocently putting his hand on his lips, which made your mind go blank. "Fuck it." You uttered under your breath before taking what almost looked like a run-up and throwing your arms around Taeil's neck, joining your lips roughly. The kiss was beyond sloppy; both of your mouths fighting to decide who was in control, your hands roaming each other in an animalistic manner. With your bodies still entangled, you knocked over a few plastic salad bowls while you attempted to exit the kitchen. It would've looked like a fight if it wasn't for Taeil sucking on your lower lip harshly and you humming resoundingly at the mix of pain and pleasure. A couple of missteps later, and a few head bumps against the shelves placed in corridor, you finally reached Taeil's door, which was opened wide by a hard push of his foot, since his hands were busy kneading your bottom and pushing you against him. You moaned gladly, feeling his bulge against your needy core, but it wasn't enough. Before you knew it, you both fell on the bed with your tongues still at a useless war, Taeil pressing his entire weight on you, which unavoidably left you breathless only for a few seconds when your body hit the mattress. When he realised that you were holding your breath, Taeil immediately stood up with his palms on either side of your head. "I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?" There it was again, the man who just seconds ago had his tongue in your mouth, asking with goggled eyed if you were okay. A small chuckle escaped your lips as you wrapped your legs around Taeil's waist, using your strength to push him back against you, making him whimper slightly. A slow strained moan echoed through the otherwise silent bedroom when you felt Taeil's erection over your clothed sex again. When your eyes opened up, you looked at him deeply, getting closer up until his nose was touching yours. "It takes a lot more to hurt me." You whispered seductively before reaching up to bite his bottom lip, leaving a small mark to match with the one he had made on yours. Taeil hummed softly, getting lost in the pleasure you were providing him. "I'd hold on to something if I were you then." Taeil remarked, letting his hand play with the hem of your shirt. "I thought I already was." You responded jokingly, tightening your legs around him once again, almost making him lose balance. He responded with a grunt, attacking your neck sinfully, kissing, biting, and licking it, making your mind go completely blank. All you could was to reach for his back, holding Taeil as tight as you could while grinding over his crotch, desperately chasing some sort of satisfaction. "How bad do you want it?" Asked Taeil, moving his hips further to help you but your broken moans weren't enough for an answer. He freed himself from your needy grip, spreading your legs apart and making you gasp loudly. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that, you were saying?" Taeil felt a desperate need to hear you loud and clear, to shout how badly you needed him to just put one single finger in. "Please, please, please!" You screamed, your voice breaking over the last plead. Taeil grabbed your jaw harshly, making you look into his lust-filled eyes, leaving you feeling exposed even if you were still fully dressed. " 'Please' what? Elaborate, baby girl." You whimpered at the growing discomfort inside your panties. "Please, give it to me. I need it so bad, so bad." You moaned, a few tears forming in the corner of your eyes. Taeil kissed you once more in approval, but to your surprise, he quickly stood up on his knees, removing your jeans but leaving your panties untouched. "I want to see you do it." You sat up, slowly removing the now ruined garment. You sighed in relief, spreading your legs even further apart, purposely exaggerating your reaction, since you were starting to understand what pushed Taeil over the edge. And you were right. You saw it in how he smiled blissfully at the sight of your soaking pussy, all because of him. He lied on the bed next to you, leaving you confused. "Sit on my face." Your jaw drooped unconsciously. No guy you had ever slept with had ever asked you such a thing. Actually, no one you had ever been with was as vocal as Taeil in general. "You don't want to, y/n?" The more concerned side of Taeil came out yet again seeing you hesitate. You crawled all the way up to his face, pushing aside your worries. "Didn't you hear me scream, like, two minutes ago?" You joked, messing up his hair. "Oh, yeah. And I think I'd like to hear more." He announced as he immediately started diving into your core. Your hips moved to match with the swiftness of his tongue, but Taeil prevented them from any further movement, firmly grounding you against his hot mouth. Unable to move, you looked down, letting yourself moan enthusiastically at the sight of Taeil delivering delicious licks over your slit, alternating them with sweet kisses. When he finally found your most sensitive stop, one of your hands went directly to grab the headboard for support while the other went through Taeil's hair, quickly losing control over your body’s reaction. His eyes shimmered in seeing you this way, in hearing your moans and screams echoing in the empty apartment. "So good, so good. Oh God, you're so good." You felt him hum happily at the shower of compliments, the vibrations leaving your legs shaky. Suddenly, you felt a harsh smack against your ass, to which you responded with the loudest moan so far. "We haven't even gotten to the best part yet, baby girl." Taeil affirmed with his mouth still facing your core, kissing it one last time before sliding under you to settle himself behind you, now completely on all fours. You heard him remove his trousers while you caught your breath, unsure if you couldn't go further or if all you wanted was more and more. You felt Taeil's fingers reaching for your shirt, removing it carefully, and your bra was gone soon after. Taeil grabbed both of your breasts passionately while kissing the nape of your neck. Then he leaned back, his palms trailing lines over your back and finally reaching for your bottom, savouring how it felt in his hands. "Do you have a thing for my ass or something?" You teased him, looking over your shoulder to meet his burning gaze. Yet again, Taeil delivered another smack, this time even harder than before. You arched your back at the bittersweet sensation. "How did you know?" Taeil replied, reaching for a condom in the nearby drawer. Once he put it on, he started brushing the tip against your entrance, you groaned, wanting Taeil to fill you up mercilessly. "Stop playing and fuck me." You hurried him, now aware that what he needed the most were your words. Just like that, Taeil penetrated you all the way, knocking the air out of your lungs. “Fuck- so tight.” You hid your face in pillow as he moved inside you, your wet walls welcoming him merrily. You could feel your juices dripping on the sheets but neither of you cared. "How are you so pretty front to back?" Taeil whispered in your ear before being cut by his own moan. You forced yourself to raise your upper body from the mattress, moving your head towards Taeil, making him see just how good he was making you feel. Your mouth was wide open while your eyes quickly went from Taeil to what you could see of his member pumping in and out of you, the sight making you clench around him. Taeil groaned resoundingly, picking up his pace, the sound of flesh against flesh filling your ears. "You like that, uh? You like to see your pretty little pussy all filled up?" You nodded your head up and down so quickly you thought you we about to strain your neck. "Well then, take a better look yourself." Taeil abruptly removed himself from you and before you could complain at the emptiness in your core, he wasted no time in turning you upside down and pushing himself inside you in the span of a few seconds. You shouted feeling overwhelmed by the pleasure.  You immediately took advantage of the new position to look at Taeil's cock disappearing exquisitely between your legs. You threw your head back against the pillow, moaning absolute nonsense, unable to form one single sentence. The vision of you, completely losing your mind over Taeil's cock only gave him motivation to go even harder, if it was even possible. "S-Shit, Taeil I'm close-" as if he read your mind, he placed one of your ankles over his shoulder, the new angle making you both see stars. You screamed his name, as your arms went in all different directions over the mattress, your so awaited orgasm crashing over you. He continued, chasing his own high, gladly helped by your throbbing walls as he shot his release inside the condom. Your vision was still blurry even after he had gotten up to reach for the bin and lied back on the bed with you, wrapping his arms around your waist. Taeil brushed his nose against your cheek to which you responded with a chuckle. "Oh, so you're alive?" Taeil joked, you mocked his tone, shifting to his side to have him face to face. "Not entirely. Give me a couple of hours and I'll be as good as new." Taeil gently rubbed the back of your head, smiling at you, taking in the vision of you leaning on your elbow, entirely naked on his bed. He kissed your shoulder gently, feeling the drowsiness taking over him. "Can you stay for a while?" he asked innocently, rubbing small circles over your skin as his eyes started closing. "I can stay for as long as you want me to." You reassured him, falling deeper into his embrace.

↬prompts for requests

[mccall-me-maurice]

In Hopes You’re on the Other Side, Talking to me too

Pairing: Jack Merridew/Ralph

Word Count: 2016

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol

Jack was trying his best to be Ralph’s everything. But in the end, it wasn’t enough. So every night the redhead finds himself talking to the moon to try and win Ralph back through words that he’ll never really say to the boy. All in hopes that perhaps a certain someone is doing the exact same.

Jack hates himself more than he hates anyone else in the galaxy. Okay, maybe that’s a lie. Maybe there are a couple people worse than him but it really can’t be all that many. It’s probably one of the shortest lists to ever grace this planet, but for now he’s focusing on the fact that he just lost the best thing that has ever happened to him.

Ralph and Jack never really got along until 2 years ago. They had a horrible past of bloody fights and words that chilled the other to the bone. They were so used to painting old school tiles with each other’s blood that they didn’t really get the time to know each other much further than hatred. Until 2 years ago, on the last day of their senior year. Ralph had finally held his hand out to Jack, letting the redhead take it instead of trying to maim him. That was all that it took for the boy who previously was his rival to become fascinated with Ralph in a way other than what he initially thought. Of course, it was supposed to be a horribly inconvenient time for both of them and if he had to guess, Jack would’ve said Ralph planned it so he wouldn’t have to face the freckled boy again. However, fate had different plans for them and on their first day of college, the two had been shocked to figure out that they were located in the same hall for the next four years.

Flash forward 1 and ½ years and Jack and Ralph were helplessly in love with each other. Nobody had suspected the pairing of an easygoing business major and finance major to pair up with each other. Jack himself didn’t really notice when the shift from friends to boyfriends occurred but before he could blink an eye, he was abandoning homework assignments to be with Ralph and staying up hours past when he usually drifted off to sleep to hear the tired voice of his boyfriend giggle about people he had seen in class. 20 years old and Jack really believed he had found his soulmate. He really believed that they would be together for as long as they lived. As long as the sun burned in the sky, his hand would be in Ralph’s. Even once they passed, they would be dancing together as ghosts.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

It was March 3rd, the weather had shifted to overcast and Jack was slammed with studying for exams. Ralph’s exams had passed a week prior and the boy had flopped on his boyfriend’s bed, eyes scanning through a phone screen. Every so often he would hammer Jack with a series of questions and the redhead would be so tired he wouldn’t really give coherent responses. Late nights studying pages that were swimming with words and an excessive amount of monster energy drinks really turned someone’s brain to absolute mush. Not to mention Ralph had been sickeningly sweet to him, as if he could persuade Jack off of his swivel chair and onto the bed. As much as he wanted to be over there, running his fingers through Ralph’s hair and whispering the boy to sleep, all he could do was let the red ink of his pen slide across paper knowing that he was one sentence closer to the warm embrace of the blond.

“Jack…”

“What’s up?” Ralph sounded wary, like the news he was about to break would simply crush Jack. Little did he know, it would.

“Jack we need to take a break.” Jack choked on his spit. “Not forever. I don’t want to be away from you forever… Unless it has to be that way. Just for a couple weeks, a couple months. However long it takes for you to realise that there’s so much more to life than what lies in those textbook pages. I mean… You have been straight up ignoring me lately and I talked to Simon about it… He agreed that what's best for us is to just take a break. I suppose I’ll see you around.”

Which leads Jack to the present day, lying on the bed Ralph once laid on, scrolling through the text messages that Ralph once sent with tears in the corners of his eyes. He wants nothing more than to have the boy back, the heat of the soccer player's body warming Jack as he presses his cheek against blond hair. The energy of the night has been doing this to him recently, the darkness shrouding him as he lets himself sun quietly into the pillow. He can’t imagine that it’s not his fault. He gave Ralph his everything but even then the boy deserves so much more. He deserves the best and Jack clearly isn’t that for him. He will never be.

Jack shuts his phone off, placing it on the nightstand that lies to his left. The only thing that lights up the room is the beam of moonlight through his awfully cheap curtains. The flimsy white fabric barely blocks out anything, but even the inanimate object seems to be trying harder than Jack. The clock on his nightstand reads 23:57, signalling to the boy that even though exams are long over, he will still be up for at least another 3 hours. Not studying like he used to. No, he stopped studying the day that he took his final test, body filled with too much sorrow to even review the content properly. Recently the redhead has picked up the hobby of sitting cross legged in front of his window on the second floor of building B and he talks. He talks to the moon, to the stars, but most importantly he talks to Ralph. Whether the blond listens or not, he really isn’t sure. It’s not like his ex-boyfriend would ever be able to hear his cracked voice stumble over words as he spills his heart out to the endless night. Normally Jack wouldn’t even let himself be weak enough as to think about a head of blond hair for one more minute of one more day. And he does play a very clever façade in front of Roger and Maurice. He acts like Ralph doesn’t exist, like the hole in his heart doesn’t ache every time tan skin and ocean blue eyes filled with joy cross his path. On the days he isn’t sitting in his room, all alone, he’s out with his friends letting sweaty bodies press up against him as music blares. Drinks spill from red cups and onto the floor and all Jack can think about is how none of the people that choose to plaster themselves to him are Ralph. None of the people who cover his mouth with theirs, only to be quickly shoved off and sworn at, are the boy who he wishes would drunkenly kiss him. As much as he prays that Roger will show up empty handed with a party invite, at least once a week the raven haired boy is smirking at him with a bottle of booze clutched tightly in his fist. In order to seem like he’s the same sick person he was before he dated Ralph, he gives his friend an equally mischievous smile and takes the bottle.

Perhaps all of these emotions that Jack is feeling are Ralph’s fault. Or at least a byproduct of the fair boy. Before he let the boy ruin his life with ease, he was so cold hearted and had no fucks left to give. But for once, he had something to fight for that wasn’t himself. For once in his 20 years of life, Jack had someone who loved him just as much as he loved them. Which is why Ralph had always mattered more than a stupid party or nagging from his mates. He would’ve dropped the world to hold Ralph. Yes, that has to be it. All the crying had been because the blond’s soft heart had destroyed Jack. It had left him in a million pieces and as much as he didn’t want himself to be weak, as much as he hated himself for crying, it was happening.

Jack lets his body move over to the window, legs almost giving out underneath him as he falls into the place he’s become to know so very well over the past months. Roger didn’t invite him out today, but he doesn’t exactly blame the boy. There’s at least one party Roger attends every night, but bringing the heartbroken finance major who shoves off anyone who tries to make a move probably isn’t the best look for him. So instead Jack is sitting in the oversized pullover sweater with the college’s name plastered across the front that he got at orientation. He doesn’t need a mirror to know that his hair is all mussed and he probably looks like the human embodiment of death.

“Hey Ralph. I know you’re not talking to me… And you probably can’t even hear me. But I miss you. A lot. It’s really not in my character to miss people so that’s probably why this feels so weird.” Jack can’t help the sad laughter that bubbles up in his chest and escapes his lips. It just happens as naturally as breathing. “You know, I never thought that it would be you that I fell in love with. But here we are. I would’ve torn apart galaxies with my bare hands and rebuilt ones that would shield you from any pain. I don’t know how you’re feeling but I do know how I am. I miss the big smiles that you would give people when they said something hilarious, I miss the genuine laughs that you only did when we were alone. I miss the way your eyes mimic the ocean waves and dance like the sea. I miss the soft press of your hand against mine, and how they fit together like pieces of a puzzle. I miss you.” The same words that have been rolling off of his tongue for weeks come easy now, eyes not watering with tears quite yet. This is always the easy part. Simple things that anyone would miss when they lose their lover. However, Jack isn’t even close to finished and he knows his freckles will be stained with tears sometime soon.

“I miss the way you used to jump into my arms after you won a game despite being hideously dirty. I miss how you used to drag me out to look at every sunset because you wanted to find a beautiful part of every day…” His voice cracks at the end, memories swarming around like bees to honey. Every simple thing the fair boy did, probably without thought, now haunted Jack. The sweet gestures lived behind his eyes now, only as memories. A part of him wants to stop missing Ralph and just get on with his life. Live like a normal human being instead of one who can barely function without someone else there. He knows that eventually it will happen. It always does. Ralph has probably already moved on, found someone new to waste the days away with.

“Hey Ralph…” Jack starts tracing a pattern onto the knee of his sweatpants with his finger, eyes locked on the stars. Everything about the moment slows, the dancing lights in his peripheral, from a party in another building, the twinkling of the stars, the rush of wind against his face. Jack lets his heavy eyelids flutter shut, praying that one day, at some point, he’ll finally have an answer to the question that lays heavy on his tongue. All the sleepless nights and words that only he can hear lead to the same place. Like a winding road that always spits you out right where you began. All he can do is hope Ralph hears him, hope Ralph is right there with him whispering words to the moon that sits high in the sky.

“One day, will you love me again?”

[innovativestruggles]

Daisuke & Suzue’s Relationship - A Consolidation Post

Hey gang, so given that we have 2 episodes left and absolutely zero idea as to what Daizue’s relationship is, I have decided to put together a spectrum of information. A lot of the stuff I am posting here have already been speculated to some degree, but it is nice to have it all in one big post where you can see what’s been gathered so far.

When I write about speculations, I always base everything on canonical evidence. Of course, there will be elements of personal bias and opinions intermeshed within, but I will try and separate facts from opinions as much as possible so that you can also draw your own conclusions.

For the purpose of this post, I will exclude all novel content, considering the anime is vastly different from the novel. I will start with the OP and work my way towards Episode 9. Originally I was going to wait until Episode 10 to complete this post, but I decided that it probably wouldn’t matter, considering Daizue’s relationship may not be revealed until Episode 11 and they most likely would be focusing on the battle with Shigemaru in Episode 10 rather than delve any deeper into Daizue’s relationship.

WARNING: This is a long post

The Opening

I want to look at this from the perspective of a complete newbie, who has zero knowledge of the novel or what the fandom is speculating. When looking solely at the OP, this is how it is seen;

1. Suzue is a beautiful character who is heavily sexualised

2. The show centres around a handsome rich boy with unlimited money

3. Selling the idea of sassy detective work

Suzue plays the perfect Bond girl trope. From the way she is shown in the OP in lingerie, to being tied to Daisuke’s car, to being bridal carried at the very end. As a newbie watching this OP, all I see is, hot rich guy and his hot, sexy, gorgeous sidekick woman whom he develops a sexual relationship with. 

If we all take a step back and just see the bigger picture, anyone, including non-anime watchers, who look at this OP would immediately associate Daisuke and Suzue as some sort of couple/love interests or two characters with immense sexual tension. There is no doubt about that.

So what am I trying to say here? Well, it is clear as day that the FKBU creators were deliberate in the way they showcased Daizue’s relationship. The OP is a foreshadow of what is to come or it implies the way the entire show is set out. 

But y’know...to me, the biggest foreshadow was that bridal carry!

Oops...wrong one...I meant this one below 😏

Episode 2

We are skipping Episode 1 as Suzue did not debut until Episode 2.

1. Suzue’s introduction She introduced herself as Suzue Kambe. That was it. Normally, whether it be in an anime or manga, a person would introduce themselves and their relationship (whether directly or indirectly), to another character. This was deliberately left out to keep viewers guessing.

2. Daisuke’s non-existent response Daisuke did not elaborate on his relationship with Suzue. Remember when Haru said something along the lines of “a woman with black hair entered this building,” to which Daisuke replied “woman with black hair you say?” There was no further explanation of who Suzue was to him or how they knew each other, or what sort of relationship they have.

3. Haru’s question was diverted When Haru asked Suzue, “who the hell are you?” Suzue’s response was “I’ve been following Daisuke’s orders...” Again, no further elaboration/explanation. The question was also diverted and she did not properly answer his question.

4. Haru’s assumption Haru made the assumption, as we found out in Episode 4, that Suzue and Daisuke are married. But this was not explored at the time in Episode 2. Again, another deliberate attempt to conceal information, considering we did not even get to see Haru’s assumption of Daizue’s relationship at the time.

5. Suzue’s use of Daisuke’s name No use of nii-san or nee-chan to indicate a sibling relationship and no honourifics were used. The interesting thing here was, Suzue was shown to drop the honourifics from Daisuke’s name in only this episode. Whether it was a mistake or a deliberate attempt to drip feed viewers information at the time, we don’t know. But let’s just say it was a deliberate attempt on the creators part - it needs to make sense. What I’m trying to say here is that Suzue should be in a relationship close enough to Daisuke to be able to drop the honorific but also be in a professional/lower position to continue addressing him with ‘sama.’ So in essence, Daisuke and Suzue’s relationship is most likely more complex than meets the eye.

6. Suzue’s professionalism Daisuke and Suzue’s relationship is too formal and professional to be considered to be some kind of sibling/family/close relative situation. Suzue works for Daisuke. That is the end point. She follows his every instructions and obeys all his orders. Even if she were a Kambe, she has to be a very, very, very distant relative to even submit to that level of obedience. If she were a closer relative but of a lower ranking than Daisuke’s family, there is absolutely no way she would be put in such a subservient position (more on this later).

Based on the 6 above points, personally, what I see is a deliberate attempt to create drama amongst fans lmao! But jokes aside, you cannot take it on face value that they are just relatives (or siblings at the time when it was first released) because as you can see, there are so many clues in this episode alone that does not make any sense.

Episode 3

Suzue only made a brief appearance here but I’d like to add a couple things.

1. Grandma’s focus on Daisuke Grandma barely acknowledged Suzue, and given that Suzue herself is a Kambe, I find this incredibly odd. Grandma was very focused on Daisuke, from his work relationship to his behaviour, and Suzue was...ignored.

2. Grandma explicitly stated to Haru about Daisuke that she is “his grandma” This piece of information was only available in the English subtitles. Remember that in Japanese language, there is no ‘his’ or ‘her.’ It is gender neutral. But I take it that the subtitles are official subtitles which gave us a bit more of a clue into Daizue’s relationship. We know at this stage here that Grandma is only Daisuke’s grandma and not Suzue’s.

With the above 2 points, if Suzue were a sibling or a closer relative, there would be more focus on her too. And I know the show is about Daisuke and Haru, so why would Suzue get any attention? But precisely this is the reason! Because the show centres a lot around the Kambe family conflict and you would think Suzue would be more involved in this conflict if she were closely related. But she is not involved. To me, this just screams outsider. Poor Suzue.

Episode 4

Alright, here we go on this roller coaster episode. 

1. Suzue addressed Daisuke as ‘Daisuke-sama.’ Kudos to know this because no bloody sibling would say this shit to their elder sibling. So that theory has been written off long ago now. 

Anyways I’d like to point out that there are times where lower members of a family, known as ‘branch’ families, would address the head family with polite honourifics. It’s quite rare nowadays in modern Japan, but in saying that, richer more exclusive families may still tend to do this and some still fight over the title of head of family. So in essence, anyone who succeeds as head of family (together with their immediate family) will obviously be addressed with polite honourifics. 

Just to let you know, branch families can either be closer relatives or very, very distant relatives (so distant that it is negligible they are related to the head family). We don’t know how big the Kambe family is and what the dynamics are like when it comes to the next successor. The bigger the family, the more likely members will want to fight over the title for head of family - usually once when the current head of family and their immediate family are all dead. What I’m trying to point out here is that Suzue may well still be a relative (I’m not gonna deny that during this first point I’m making), considering the above explanation I just made.

2. Daisuke did not elaborate on the type of relative Suzue was to him Another obvious one here. The creators love playing games with the viewers. The fact that Daisuke did not elaborate on his relationship with Suzue was a huge red flag. In the sense that we do not know whether Suzue is a close relative, a distant relative, married into the Kambe family or adopted. The creators are still keeping the viewers guessing!

3. Daisuke’s body language and expression This may be more opinionated base, but you can make judgements for yourself by rewatching the scene again. When Daisuke tells Haru that Suzue is a relative, there was almost a stilted, discomforting demeanour, as if he did not want to discuss the topic. This was heavily exacerbated and reinforced by his tone of voice, which may indicate he could be hiding something?

4. Haru’s assumption that Daisuke and Suzue are married Considering the fandom thinks Daizue look so similar, Haru clearly didn’t. So on his end, they looked more like husband and wife than siblings or relatives..

5. Suzue’s infatuation with Daisuke It was too obsessive. Lovey dovey and just ... plain questionable. I mean, Suzue could still be a relative and do this but the way it was set up was very jarring. As in, Suzue displays a sense of professionalism and obedience towards Daisuke that screams master and servant - not infatuation. 

Normally in anime shows where a character is infatuated over another, there isn’t that simultaneous level of professionalism displayed between the characters. So whether the character is a relative or not, it would be believable. But in Suzue’s case, professionalism + infatuation + relative does not make any sense to me. Also, Do NOT confuse loyalty with professionalism! They are two separate things. Suzue displays both! Characters you see in other anime may display loyalty and infatuation. The biggest incongruence to me with regards to Suzue is the infatuation and professionalism!

From something like this...

To something like this...

6. Suzue attended to Daisuke’s everyday needs Honestly if this wasn’t the most jarring thing, I seriously don’t know what was. I swear, not even the lowest member of a branch family would attend to a head family’s every day needs like a servant/maid. It makes no sense. Considering Daisuke is rich enough to have multiple maids that could attend to his every day needs, and that his butler Hattori could probably do what Suzue does, I do not understand the need for Suzue to do all these personal things for Daisuke.

7. The anime creators deliberately did this episode in a way that would confuse fans even more When you add: Daisuke saying “Suzue is a relative” + Suzue’s weird infatuation + addressing Daisuke with ‘sama’ = you are going to get the biggest explosion of confusion. 

It almost felt like the creators wanted to balance things out for the viewers. That is, “I want Daisuke to say Suzue is a relative, but I also don’t want the viewers to think she is a relative either.” There you go, they nailed it with this episode.

8. Daisuke cooked for Suzue At first I didn’t think much of this scene other than Daisuke’s weird way of making up to Suzue for being petulant LOL. But then I thought about how Grandma and butler were just standing there, uninvited to eat food made by Daisuke...it just goes to show that Daizue’s relationship runs a lot deeper than meets the eye. More important than Grandma that is for sure.

Episodes 5 and 6

Suzue did not make much of an appearance in these two episodes, but what I continued to see was the undying loyalty and continued professional relationship between Daisuke and Suzue. Despite Suzue’s injury in Episode 5, she continued to assist Daisuke (or tried to) in a manner that screams ‘I am forever your servant. Ask and ye shall receive’ kinda vibe LOL 

When she knows Daisuke is safe, Suzue keeps her cool, calm demeanour and powers on with the professionalism, but that weird infatuation kicks in otherwise... what an odd relationship they have...

Episode 7

1. The lack of Suzue in the family photos No Suzue could be seen in the family album. And yes, some people pointed out the baby in the ‘pink’ onesie was Suzue. Could be. But highly doubt it. Someone mentioned that the onesie used to be red but faded over time to a pinkish colour because it has been more than 27 years. That’s also a plausible explanation. Tbh, that entire photo album just screamed Daisuke.

2. All other photos pointed to the fact that Daisuke was raised as an only child No Suzue present or any indication that she was there at the time those photos were taken

Episode 8

Oh boy, the fun episode LOL

1. You can try and see it both ways here.

a. Suzue was just trying to warn Daisuke about HEUSC. That was all. Nothing else.

b. Definitely fanservice. Suzue could have done this in so many other ways. It was obviously a deliberate part on the creators’ side to bring forth a sexually suggestive scene that really further questions Daizue’s relationship. And the way they zoomed in on certain features (yeah we love their lips almost touching and Suzue’s ass in the air whilst her legs were pressed in between Daisuke’s) perhaps suggested something more explicit between the two (or implied to be in the future), but then again, the zooming in of their lips could just emphasise HEUSC’s ability to lip read rather than anything sensual. But ya know, I reckon it probably was both. 

Again, this whole scene puts more question marks on their relationship as to ‘What kind of relatives are they?’ or ‘Are they really relatives?’ or ‘What is their true relationship?’

**

Zooming in on Suzue moving her ass and legs in between Daisuke was completely unnecessary unless they are implying something sexual. Yeah goodbye.

This was obviously more necessary to describe HEUSC’s ability to lip read...but the way it was zoomed in and emphasised between them...

2. The creators made Haru see Daizue walk out the room A hugely obvious attempt at forwarding Daizue’s relationship. I mean, putting Haru in that position completely threw the spanner in the works. He was obviously informed by Daisuke that Suzue “is just a relative,” yet he saw them walk out from Daisuke’s bedroom looking all...well...looking like they just had the most amazing time in there. 

Even though it was obvious to us viewers what Haru was thinking, we were never shown Haru questioning the situation in relation to ‘Wait a minute, didn’t Daisuke say she was a relative? What the f did I just see then?’ We don’t get that point of view from Haru so we don’t know what he was speculating in relation to their relationship. I mean, Haru could just be as confused as we were! The only advantage Haru got over us viewers was that he could have just asked them for more clarity around their relationship. Clearly he was just being too polite lmao

3. Daizue did not attempt to clarify the situation I mean, unless they were both stupid and seriously thought Haru wouldn’t think they got up to no good, despite it being so clear as day that Haru thought otherwise, they did not say anything. Again, another deliberate part on the creators’ side to create further confusion. They really like making Daizue keep their mouths shut when it comes to anything to do with their relationship backstory...

**

The creators went one step further and made Daisuke adjust his shirt. LOLOL

And even further by making Suzue’s hair all messy and dishevelled...

4. Suzue mentioned ‘your father and mother’ to Daisuke when discussing HEUSC Big red flag here that would completely forever bury the sibling theory. It sounds to me that Daisuke and his family are very separate from Suzue.

Episode 9

We are in the present now!

1. Daisuke tells Grandma that only the Kambe family, that is, he himself and Grandma, could infiltrate the system This may imply that Suzue is not a true Kambe or she may have been adopted into the family. It would also help discredit the theory that she may be a lower ranking member of the Kambe family/a branch family of the Kambe. It may also imply that Daisuke may have been hiding something from Haru about Suzue when he said ‘Suzue is a relative’ or he was outright lying.

Other materials

Their appearances

On surface level, they do have some similarities but if you look a bit closer, their eye colour is different (Daisuke’s is a deep blue and Suzue’s is more violet), hair colour is different (Daisuke’s is more black and Suzue’s is more charcoal) and eye and eyebrow shape are different. Tbvh, if they made Suzue’s eye and hair colour completely different, you would see the contrast more. It’s just that the creators deliberately designed the two this way to evoke more confusion.

Concluding opinion: It is obvious to me that the creators are drip feeding us information about Suzue. Here with this post, even when analysing it on a spectrum, I gathered two things from it over time.

a) Suzue is not a blood relative

b) The relationship between Daisuke and Suzue is a lot more complex

Just remember that Daisuke trusts Suzue with his life. So the level of mutual understanding and trust between the two is incredibly profound.

Again, these are all very speculative and a lot of the fandom have garnered their own information over the course of the episodes. This is what I (and a lot of DaiSuzu fans) have dissected so far. 

Although the entire show is centred around Daisuke and Haru and their detective work with regards to the Kambe family, I feel like Daizue’s relationship is like that mini side story. Whether they will delve into it or not in the next two episodes is anyone’s guess really. As I said earlier, if anything, the reveal would most likely occur at the very end of Episode 11.

Anyways, share your thoughts and feel free to refute! But PLEASE, be respectful.

P. S. I will keep adding to this if I think of more stuff. It’ll be part of a new “edit section.” I’ll just reblog it so people can see it easier!

[cowboyshit]

PART THREE OF ?

Previously: one, two Ship: Hangman Adam Page x Female OC (Hazel Baker) x Matt Jackson Summary: Rodeo/Cowboy AU - And just like that, fate has brought Hazel back to none other than Adam Page. Though last time they’d crossed paths he’d seemed eager to be rid of her company, Adam confesses the truth in his feelings for her and admits that he hasn’t forgotten her this entire time they’ve been apart. But now Hazel has serious feelings for Adam’s close friend, Matt... yet even she can’t deny that she has an indescribable connection with Adam that just can’t be ignored. Rating: explicit Length: 30,074 words Warnings: unprotected sex x2, angst, characters being idiots and not communicating their feelings properly... oh also probably some gratuitous horse knowledge no one cares about. you know, the usual.

author’s note: I wanted to get out this next part out as a holiday gift for all you amazing people who have been so encouraging about this series. I honestly can’t tell you how much your comments mean to me and how much pride and joy I feel at every little like or reblog or interaction with this fic series. At the start of 2020 I told myself this would be the year I finally wrote something that got to 50k words. I am proud to say with this installment Starlight is currently at 68k words, surpassing my goal. Hell, maybe it’s taken me an entire year to write it, but still, I did it! Now my next goal for 2021? Actually finish a story for once - this story. I have the outline planned and I can’t begin to explain to all of you how much your support and encouragement keeps me going to get the rest of this story out there. Anyways! Long note out of the way, I just want to sincerely thank you guys for your support of this fic series. It really means the world to me. Oh also - yeah... things are about to get VERY messy in this fic.

He hadn’t stopped thinking about her.

Four months. Sixteen weeks. After barely an evening of talking, if even. After inches away from a kiss, never quite knowing what that touch would have felt like. Something told him – kept telling him – it would have been life-changing. Some nights he was grateful he didn’t know; some nights it tormented his sleep, left him kicking and twisting as he turned this way and that, grunting in irritation as he wished sleep would be a reprieve from her memory.

Prone to worrying, there were times he wondered if he was building her up into something she wasn’t. Maybe she wasn’t as pretty as he remembered her being. A soft, round face; brown eyes that he could almost guarantee must be covered by a film of gold in the sunlight; silky, dark brown hair that made his fingers itch like mad to curl around and comb through; a body that begged for his palms to frame the natural pinch of her hips; a smile that made him catch his breath, that made him feel like the leading man in one of those old romance movies his mama used to watch.

No, she was beautiful, though it wasn’t her physical beauty that clung her to his memory. It was that feeling of being with someone he suddenly wasn’t afraid to talk with, who he willingly found himself opening up to before he remembered he hated opening up to people. The way he couldn’t stop smiling every time their eyes met, as though their souls shared a secret.

Maybe she would have stopped haunting him, were it not nearly every weekend he heard her name. He should have been prepared for the consequence of bowing out to Matt’s interest in her, but he wasn’t. Couldn’t be. Nothing like this had ever happened to him. As Matt talked about her at the rodeos with his brother, with Kenny, it was nothing pointed or directed specifically at Adam. If anything, it seemed Matt forgot altogether there’d been an energy between Hazel and Adam, and Nick seemed to never broach the subject of how close Adam had been with her when he found them.

But sometimes when Matt laughed on the phone with her after a run, and Adam’s fingers tightened on whatever he was holding, Nick would look at him and it almost seemed sympathetic. Maybe Adam was projecting. Maybe he just wanted someone to know the pain he was quietly suffering, not understanding how to see himself through it, adding to the pile of other anxieties and circling thoughts that spun around and around inside his head every day. At any rate, Nick would always side with his brother, time and time again. So why would he feel bad for Adam?

It’ll go away eventually. That’s what he kept telling himself. You’re just lonely. It’d been awhile. He kept to himself, but even he was only human, even he felt an aching need for companionship here and again, however temporary. Go to a bar, get drunk, find someone to hook-up with. You’ll forget about her soon. It would work, but only for a night, and only because he drank enough to forget everything but his name. Sometimes he even forgot that. He’d be left with the lingering feeling of thinking he was some sort of ass, going out and using another person for his personal vice like they were something disposable for him and had no thoughts or feelings of their own. Everyone said he was such a good person, but how could he be when he did things like that?

It’ll go away…

It’ll go away…

It’ll go away…

Then, like magic, there she was. Standing not but four feet in front of him. Breathing the same air as him.

And God, her brown eyes did look softly glittered in gold as the sun hit them. He sucked in a sharp breath and blinked, breaking through the surface from dream into reality.

“Hi,” she said, and her voice was soft. Her eyes danced between his and he would have given anything to know what she was thinking. He wanted to reach out, put his hands on hers and pull her in toward him so he could cover her lips with his and finally know what she tasted like.

“Hello,” he said.

Something shifted in his peripherals and hit him like a splash of cold water. He jerked and glanced to his left, seeing a woman he didn’t recognize watching them with a peculiar expression across her face.

It seemed Hazel did the same.

“Oh!” She gasped, startled, “Adam, this is my friend, Rosie.”

Rosie’s red-painted lips spread into a smile and there seemed a light in her eyes as she walked forward to accept his handshake. “The Adam?” She asked, with a tone that clearly indicated she’d heard about him before. Clearly from Hazel.

 “Uh, I guess that must be me? Adam Page.” He supplied with a small, awkward laugh and hoped his cheeks weren’t too hot. “Rosie, it’s a pleasure.” He glanced from Rosie to Hazel before he’d even slipped his fingers from their cordial handshake. She’d talked about him. What had she said?

Probably that he was an ass, considering their last interaction together.

Somewhere among his racing thoughts he found the manners he’d been raised with. “My friend Adam is over by the arena, if you want to wait with him while I take Hazel to look at the horses and see which one she wants to ride first.” He didn’t need to separate them; Rosie could easily come along with Hazel too.

But he wanted – no, needed – to talk to Hazel alone.

“Your friend's name is Adam too?” Hazel asked, and he heard a brief note of amusement in her tone. “Doesn’t that get a little confusing?”

“Sometimes,” he laughed. “If it makes it easier, you can call him ‘Hey asshole’ too, he’ll probably answer to it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Rosie said as he directed her down the path toward the arena, where they’d meet in a moment and then, finally, he and Hazel were alone. He glanced down at her profile and felt the knot in his stomach tighten. He swallowed thick, Adam’s apple bobbing, and cleared his throat a little weakly.

“The horses are this way,” he said, voice trailing off. It clearly wasn’t what he wanted to say, but he was struggling with where to even begin. Maybe he would sort himself out on the walk through the barn to where he’d left the first prospect in crossties. Hazel fell in step beside him and he watched her get distracted taking his property in. Did she like it? He looked around where her eyes were falling and wondered what she was noticing. He loved his home; it was the sanctuary he had built for himself and the one place he felt completely and totally in control.

“I saw Dolly out in the front pasture,” she said, glancing up at him and nearly making him stumble over his boots.

“Yeah! I have her out grazing today, letting her be a little lazy.” He smiled and Hazel smiled too. “Actually,” he started, voice bouncing around with a soft echo as they stepped inside his fourteen-stall main barn. “The first mare you’re going to look at is Dolly’s full-blooded younger sister. She’s about four years younger than Dolly; just turned four this last April.”

“Oh! I can’t wait to see her.” She said, and her voice sounded honest enough that it warmed him somewhere, seeing how taken she was with Dolly. “Your barn is beautiful,” she sighed as they passed the third stall. He’d noticed she’d been peeking in curiously through the black-iron bars to each one they passed to look at the horse inside if there was one.

“Thank you,” he said, and felt himself straighten his posture a little proudly. “I sank most of my first- and second-year’s earnings into getting this whole place redone. Tore down the old barn, paid to have this one constructed. Did the same to the hay barn and the mare hotel and boarding barn out back. Put in a new sprinkler system for the pastures, repaired the fencing, leveled out the arena and trucked in a good dirt-sand blend for it…” He realized he was rambling and cleared his throat. “Sorry, you… probably don’t care about any of that.”

“No!” She said, quickly, and her smile seemed a little shy. “I mean, yes. I do, actually. I’m kind of a nerd for all of this stuff.” She ducked her head and laughed. “When I couldn’t physically be around horses anymore, I found other ways to try and be involved with them, which mainly meant playing online games where you owned virtual horses and virtual stables.”

A grin cracked over his mouth. “Wow, you really are a horse geek, huh?”

Her smile was a full-on beam of sunshine, it was so bright and struck him so warmly. “Shut up,” she said, but it was chased by a laugh. He found himself laughing too.

There were only a few steps left until they would reach the big, open, padded space with a drain and hose hook-up where he’d secured the little gold mare in crossties as he groomed her this morning in preparation. A few more steps until they’d talk about the horse, about riding, he’d see if she wanted to tack up and ride her around the arena before he pointed out the other two and checked if she wanted to ride them, too.

Only a few steps before he may lose his chance to say all those things he wanted – no, needed – to say.

“Hey,” he started, stopping suddenly in his tracks. She stopped a pace later, turning around and frowning up at him. “Look, I know this might not be necessary but, I need to apologize to you.” Those words were hard to get out. They felt thick like molasses on his tongue, but he pushed through anyways. He saw her confusion deepen and explained. “I was an ass to you last time we talked and there was no reason for it.”

“Oh,” she breathed, and suddenly he knew she was there in that place with him. No longer were they tiptoeing around the past, he’d been brave enough to force them to look right at it, because he couldn’t take not addressing it. 

“Hey, look, it’s alright.” She was being nice.

“No, it’s not.” He said, firmly. “I uh… look, I can be a piece of shit sometimes - that’s not an excuse or anything - but the way I talked to you…” He felt like he was fumbling. How was he supposed to apologize without telling her why it was so important that he did? That he couldn’t live another day knowing that was her last impression of him?

He knew she was Matt’s girl… but Matt never had problems getting girls, did he? Couldn’t Adam have this one?

He forced himself to meet her eyes when his nerves wanted him to look anywhere else and the next thing he knew, he was talking and saying things he never would have thought himself brave enough to say.

“I like you, Hazel. I liked you from the minute I saw you talking to Dolly. I liked you so much it scared me. Hell, scares me, even. I haven’t stopped thinking about you, not once. I know that’s crazy to say, we barely know each other, but it’s been runnin’ me in circles and I kept telling myself if fate ever put me back in front of you with the chance to say it, I couldn’t let the moment go. I’m sorry I was such a dick. Matt…” He trailed off.

How was he supposed to explain the man who was one of his closest friends, damn near a brother, was also inadvertently a manufacturer of his personal insecurities? That he knew every flex of Matt’s ego – be it winning another championship or getting the girls at the rodeo to fawn over him – wasn’t a direct attack against his worth, but it still stung like it was.

“Look,” He sucked in a breath and shook his head, “my point is that I really like you, and that sort of scared me, and I got in my head over everything when you and Matt started talking and I took it out on you, and that wasn’t fair.”

She was staring at him. He wasn’t sure if it was for a few seconds or three hours, it felt like it must’ve been an eternity. He noticed every change in her expression, the way her brows dipped in and her eyes seemed to get bigger, or how her full, pretty lips pressed together and she seemed to worry at the inner corner of the bottom one. Those lips...

Then he was leaning. Forgetting himself. Forgetting she was Matt’s girl, closing the space between them, and finally… God, finally… putting his mouth on hers.

 **********

He was kissing her.

Hazels eyelids fluttered closed, mouth yielding to his. He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose as she did, and then suddenly their touch was changing. His wide, warm palms found her shoulders and pushed her back until she was pressed against the wood paneling, their kiss never breaking.

A small, needy noise crawled out of her throat, suffocated in their mouths. He must have heard it, though, for how he turned his head and kissed her harder, one hand sliding away from her arm and cupping her breast over her shirt and bra. He squeezed, running his thumb back and forth and making her ache for his touch on her bare body. The clothes between them were suddenly an absolute nuisance; she wanted to feel the tingles spread from every skin-on-skin touch.

He finally broke away from her mouth only to attack her neck with just as much pent up passion, the little coarse blond hairs of his close-shaved beard scratching her skin. Hazel tipped her head back and looked up at the rafters, head spinning with delirious delight. His knee pressed between her legs and they fell apart, easily. He crowded in closer and rubbed what was quickly growing hard and long in his jeans against her thigh.

“Adam,” she groaned, fingers reaching for the hair tie he had securing his curls in a bun, undoing it, burying in to shake the curls loose and holding him against her skin. She encouraged his tasting, fingers curling around the textured strands of his honey blond hair. His tongue swept down the line of the v-neck collar of her soft cotton tee, teeth nipping at her soft, supple cleavage.

Warmth as he slipped his fingers under her shirt, nearly making her jump at the sensation of his calloused fingertips brushing up her bare skin. Those fingers wiggled and pressed greedily beneath the elastic stretch of her bra and he groaned against her skin as his palm fondled her breast, her nipple hardening against his touch as he squeezed. The sound vibrated out of him, his body was so tight, so tense pressed up against her.

She was the one who found sense first, and she wanted to damn herself for it.

“Adam,” she panted, eyes opening fully on the fact that they were in the hall of his barn, his hand up her shirt and his mouth on her skin, his bulge pressed and rubbing her thigh. He didn’t hear her, tongue sweeping over the dip of her clavicle. “Adam, wait,” she said, fingers curling a little tighter in his curls and tugging back to regrettably pull his mouth from her skin.

He blinked passion-fogged eyes at her, a man caught in a trance, then seemed all at once to realize their precarious position. 

“Matt.” He exhaled in a heavy, almost angry breath.

“What?” she blinked. 

“Matt.” He said again, and the look in his dark green-blue eyes seemed to harden.

Fuck, right, Matt. One of his close friends. Her… whatever he was to her. Hazel licked her lips and tasted Adam.

“No,” she said, even knowing that probably should have been more than enough of a reason for them to stop. “Rosie and your friend,” she said, “what if they come looking for us?”

He blinked and that same waking-to-reality look that she’d had crossed his face. She slid her fingers out of his hair. “Damnit,” he muttered the curse under his breath and slipped his palm from her skin, out of her shirt, and she felt so much colder without his touch. He peeled himself away from her, but stood close, chin dipped to that broad chest and eyes full of her.

Kissing him was like… being caught in a whirlwind. Her eyes fell to his mouth and it took everything in her not to tell him fuck it, be quick.

“We’re not dating,” she blurted out to distract herself from how badly she wanted him to turn her around, tug her pants down and have her up against the stall wall.

He frowned. “Uh…”

“Not you and me,” she blinked and refocused on his eyes. “Matt. I’m not dating Matt.”

“Oh,” he said, and she couldn’t infer anything from his tone or expression, so she found herself talking more.

“We’re going to figure things out at the end of the rodeo season.”

He made a noise in his throat to signify he understood and drug his boot a heavy step away from her.

“Adam, I…” she wanted to be as open and vulnerable as he’d been. She wanted to tell him she hadn’t stopped thinking about him, that she watched live streams of his rides and cheered for him. She wanted to tell him that she had never met anyone who affected her the way he did, and she wasn’t sure what to think of that. But things were complicated, and they’d left their friends alone long enough. 

Hazel drew in a breath and shook her head, pushing from the stall wall he’d had her up against and pulling her shirt to set it right. “We should get to the horses.” She chickened out.

“Right,” he agreed, bending to pick up the hair tie she’d dropped, and she wished he wasn’t so difficult to read. What was going on in that head of his? From the way he’d treated her the last time they saw one another she’d have never imagined he felt the way he’d confessed to her. His fingers raked his hair back up and she tried not to pay attention to the shapely muscles in his arms. He caught her eyes and a sheepish grin curled the corners of his lips, staying until his hands had dropped and he nodded ahead.

“Hazel, I’d like to introduce you to Daisy,” he said as they stepped where the walls opened, and a pretty little golden mare was standing patiently in crossties. She perked her ears as they came around and lifted her head, watching them with curious, deep brown eyes.

“Adam, she’s beautiful,” Hazel’s breath hitched as she moved toward her, stretching out her hand so the mare could brush her velvet, whiskered lips over it and inhale her scent. She had a broken white blaze on her face, giving her the appearance of both a star and a blaze, and her coat was slightly darker than her older sister’s. She had no white on her legs like Dolly did and was just a little bit smaller.

“I’m glad you think so,” he said warmly. “I’ve never put Daisy on the barrels, but I think she has the right build for it.”

Hazel nodded, slipping beneath one of the leads so she could run her hand along the mare’s neck, over her wither and down her back. “She has a short back, which is good.” Hazel swept her palm down the mare’s belly and along her underside. “And a long undercarriage, which means she’ll have a wide stretch when she pulls away.” She ran her hand up down her hindquarters and felt how solid and stacked with muscle they were. There was a lot of power in this mare.  “I could definitely see her on the barrels if she decides she has the attitude for them.”

“Yeah?” He seemed just as excited as she was, and when she looked over at him, she saw he was smiling. For a few drawn out seconds they smiled at one another before he cleared his throat and blinked. “Let me go grab some tack and we’ll get her saddled so you can try her out.”

“Okay,” Hazel said, smiling and turning back to the mare as he left for the tack room. Once he was out of her line of sight, she exhaled low, working through the nerves that were storming through her. She lifted her hand and placed her palm on Daisy’s neck. The mare blew a soft breath through her nose and flicked an ear back, pointing it at Hazel. It made Hazel smile, like Daisy was already ready to listen to whatever Hazel needed to talk about.

“You’re a pretty girl,” Hazel murmured and curled her fingers, gently scratching the mare’s neck. She worked her way down to the top of her wither and Daisy stretched her neck out, clearly enjoying the rub. Hazel laughed gently and glanced as Adam came back with a saddle over one arm and the bridle and bit hanging off the horn.

“You two seem to be getting on,” he said with a grin, setting the saddle down and grabbing the bridle, stepping toward Daisy’s head.

“Here,” she offered, “Let me.” She stepped forward to take the bridle, slipping the headstall over Daisy’s ears before unclipping the leads from the halter she was wearing and unbuckling its clasp, slipping it off her face so it could be replaced with the bridle. As she gently offered the bit against the mare’s lips, Adam hefted the saddle and pad up and walked it around to the mare’s other side, swinging it over her back.

“She takes her tack politely,” Hazel commented as Daisy let her slip the bit into her mouth without complaint.

“She’s a well-behaved little lady,” Adam said, pulling the cinch on the saddle and buckling it up. “Especially for a young mare. She might’ve been the easiest horse I’ve ever trained. She has a sound mind, just like her sister.”

With Hazel holding the reins they started walking out of the barn, toward the arena. She glanced over at Adam and smiled when she saw he was looking at her. She looked away, biting into her grin to try and keep it from spreading. Her head was spinning with everything he’d told her; with the taste of him still on her lips; with her body aching, remembering how nice his touch had felt.

When they were out of the stable, she put her boot in the stirrup and swung her leg over, settling in the saddle. He helped her adjust the stirrups to the right length and tilted his head up to look at her, his palm resting on Daisy’s shoulder. The late afternoon sun glittered across his face and shone in his eyes. They looked greener today than blue, pale and soft, like the grass in a meadow, early morning with the fog crawling gently over it.

Hazel gathered the reins in her hands and gave a soft click under her tongue, squeezing her knees and getting Daisy to walk. Adam fell in place, walking beside them as they rounded the bend in the path that led out to a large arena. She could see Rosie standing with a man toward the end of the arena. That must’ve been Adam’s friend. He was lean, with brown hair that rested at shoulder-length, a black cowboy hat tipped back on the top of his head while he’d talked with her. He was smiling as he gestured with his hands, clearly telling Rosie some story, and she could hear Rosie’s sweet giggles from where they stood. They seemed to be enjoying one another’s company.

Adam put a boot up on the bottom panel of the arena fence and leaned his forearms on the top. He nodded to the inside of the arena. “Go ahead, see how you two get on.”

Hazel smiled and added a little more pressure with her knees, asking for a trot. Daisy obliged, moving into the bouncy gait as they made their way inside the arena. Everything slipped away as Hazel started to ride. She focused on the way the horse responded to her, heart lifting at how easy and eager Daisy seemed to take commands despite them not knowing one another. A small pull on the reins and weight added to her other side had the mare switching leads and leaning in where requested, which was a good sign that she’d be easy to train to curl around a barrel. Hazel squeezed her knees again and clicked her tongue, bringing the little mare up to a lope and then to a gallop. They circled around the wide arena three times, and Hazel felt like Daisy could have kept going. By the time she sat her weight back in the saddle and pulled up the reins she was grinning ear to ear.

“You two look good out there,” Adam called out from where he stood. Rosie and his friend, the other Adam, had made their way down the fence line to join him as she rode.

Hazel grinned as she gently rubbed Daisy’s neck, a little warm to the touch. She got the mare walking again to help cool her down. “She responds amazingly.”

 “I’ve never had too much of a problem on her,” Adam remarked from where he was leaning. “Think she’ll do alright on barrels?”

Hazel didn’t even have to think before she nodded and said, “Yeah! She’s quick, and when I asked her to change lead, she did it with ease.” Hazel pulled the reins and stopped her near the fence line where everyone was standing. “She’s small, and fast. I wasn’t even pushing her as hard as I could. I could tell she had a little more give in her.” Hazel glanced over at Rosie. “What do you think of her, Rosie?”

“She’s beautiful,” Rosie said, reaching out to gently scratch the little mare’s forehead. “What do you think of her?”

Hazel looked at the three expectant faces looking up at her and grinned. “Honestly? I think I’m in love with her.” Her eyes slid to Adam’s and he smiled so bright and open she felt like her heart skipped in her chest.

“You sure you don’t want to try out the other two?”

“You tell me,” she said, shifting in the saddle as the leather gently creaked. She let Daisy have her head, reins going slack as she dropped her arms.

“Gunner has a bit of a stubborn streak and will fight you for fun until you get him to mind his manners. I’m sure he’d make a fast little barrel horse and probably love doing it, but he isn’t going to mind you as easily as she does.” He reached over the fence and fondly patted Daisy’s neck, fingers ruffling her cream-white mane. “The other one I had thought for you to try is Cat. He’s a bit more docile than Gunner, but he’s young and doesn’t have as much experience under the saddle. I barely started him a few months ago. Out of the three, I think you’re going to like this girl best.”

Hazel nodded, grinning. “I think I agree.” Elation in her chest. “I’d love to buy her.”

Adam’s grin matched hers. “I’d love to sell her to you. Come on, let’s get her cooled down and we’ll figure out getting her a vet check before we transport her to your property.”

She nodded and pressed with her inside knee, pulling the reins wide, guiding Daisy to turn around and walk toward the open entrance of the arena. Hazel couldn’t believe it. The little pretty golden mare she was riding was hers. Or, going to be, once all the paperwork was finalized and so on. Finally, she had a horse again. Tears pricked hot in her eyes and she gave her head a little shake, thankful she was too far from the group for them to see. She blinked them out of her eyes and laughed softly, leaning to rub her palm along Daisy’s neck before giving her a few firm pats. “We’re going to have a lot of fun together, Daisy.” She promised the mare in a whisper, still smiling when she rode around the bend in the path and met up with everyone near the barn.

She pulled her boot from the stirrup and swung her leg over the mare’s back, dismounting with a soft little thud into the dirt below. Pulling the reins over Daisy’s head, she fell in step with Adam as he led them back into the barn. Rosie and the other Adam (Hazel still thought that was amusing) walked along with them, which meant they weren’t going to get a chance to be alone again. Hazel’s eyes darted to Adam’s, they met, and both their lips curled into smiles.

They stopped in the wide hall of the barn; Rosie being shown around by Adam’s friend since she hadn’t seen the inside of it. He seemed happy to introduce her to the horses and she could hear Rosie’s compliments on how beautiful each horse was that they passed. She smiled over at Adam.

“Your friend is sweet.”

“Cole?” Adam snorted, but she could tell it was good humored. “He has y’all fooled.”

She laughed and Adam reached out for the reins, which Hazel handed over. She wasn’t sure if he purposefully moved his hand or not, but his fingers bumped into hers and slid slowly across her skin as she released them. Hazel took a breath and turned to gently give Daisy a few more scratches, grateful for the distraction. Adam let the reins drop, and she was pleasantly surprised to see Daisy simply stood by, not trying to wander off once she had the freedom to do so.

“Is she registered?”

“Yeah, AQHA. The name on her papers is Dun n Daisy Dukes.”

Hazel laughed. “That’s adorable.”

“Thank you, I was pretty proud of myself for that one.” Adam was grinning as he pulled the heavy saddle from her back and set it out of the way, propping it and the saddle blanket up against the nearby stall wall.

“She and Dolly must have some Hollywood Dun It in their bloodlines I’m guessing?”

“They do,” Adam sounded surprised she knew. 

“Remember? I’m a horse geek.” Hazel smiled. “I know the prominent AQHA stallions and I know it’s tradition to register their names with something carrying over from their parents. If Daisy is registered as Dun n Daisy Dukes and Dolly is registered as Lil Dun Dolly, I’d imagine they carried the Hollywood Dun It in their names.”

Adam whistled low, his brows lifting. “Well damn, if you know AQHA studs that well, you’ll be happy to know they’ve got Flit Bar lines on their dam’s side. Fire Water Flit is their great grandsire.”

At that, Hazel’s eyes widened. Fire Water Flit and his sire Flit Bar were two very prominent barrel racing studs. Their offspring had gone on to win a ridiculous amount of barrel racing championships. “Okay, you could have led with that and I probably would have been sold on her.” Their soft laughs joined together as Adam patted Dee’s neck and gathered the reins of the bridle up again, starting to walk her toward her stable.

“How soon do you think the vet check will be?” She asked, then added, “Not that I’m trying to rush you. I’m just excited.”

“Understandable.” He smiled at her. “My vet’s pretty good, I should be able to get her out here this week. Unless you have a vet you would rather I use?”

“No, I trust you.”

“Okay, I’ll text you as soon as I know what day she’s available to come out. Do you have a trailer?”

“I don’t,” Hazel frowned. “I guess I could rent one.”

“Don’t bother,” Adam waved his hand, “I can bring her to you.”

“Are you sure? That’s a six-hour drive.”

“I’d like to see her off to her new home”

Rosie and his friend were making their way back toward them as they put Daisy up in her stall. Adam unclipped the buckles of her bridle and slipped it over her head, stepping out and sliding the door behind him before he latched it shut.

“Okay,” Hazel agreed, and realized almost immediately this meant Adam would be coming to her house. Should she have someone over with her that day? How could she be both excited and terrified with how he made her feel? What would Matt think? Sure, he’d said they weren’t dating, but that didn’t mean her feelings for him vanished into thin air. If the two of them didn’t know one another, it might be a different story, but with Adam and Matt being friends she wasn’t certain that was a sort of drama she should invite into her life.

“We’re all set then. When the vet finds her sound, we’ll discuss a price.”

“Okay!” She grinned and looked through the black iron bars at the cute little gold mare in the stall. “I can’t believe this little beauty might be mine soon. I really do adore her, Adam.”

“I can tell.” There was a warmth in his voice and when she glanced up at him, saw he was watching her, and his eyes matched his tone. “She likes you too.” There was something in his expression that made her breath catch.

Rosie’s giggles drifted near, and when Hazel turned to look, she saw the other pair were doubling back around. Her eyes slipped back to Adam’s just as his did, and it seemed they had an unspoken moment of realizing there was still so much to say, but time had run out. Hazel decided then and there if things worked out and Adam was going to bring Daisy to her, she wouldn’t have anyone at the house. She’d meet him alone.

She felt excited.

She felt guilty.

“Hazel, you gotta give this girl some tune-up on her riding. I think she’s got a cowgirl heart.” Adam’s friend was grinning as the pair came near enough for him to talk. Hazel glanced over at them, seeing up close the blue of his eyes that seemed almost merry with how bright they were, looking down at Rosie. Rosie had a pink blush in her fair cheeks and a wide smile on her cherry-red lipstick painted lips. Hazel had to fight to keep from smiling too obviously. They were adorable, and Rosie was clearly into him.

“I think you might be right.” Hazel agreed with a smile. There was a sudden buzz in her pocket, and she blinked, tugging her phone out and glancing at the screen. The notification banner showed her she’d gotten a text from Matt. 

TEXT FROM: MATT 💗

Hey, when do you think you’ll be home tonight?

Hazel started to type out a reply after she’d glanced at the clock and calculated how long they’d be driving and when they might leave here. Adam’s friend took over the conversation as she went quiet, asking Adam about one of his mares and pulling him away from watching her closely.

TEXT TO: MATT 💗

Not until 10PM or so it looks like. We just put the mare up, so I’ll probably be leaving back home soon. Why???

TEXT FROM: MATT 💗

FaceTime? I want to see you when you talk about the horse you saw today. I want to see that smile. ❤️

A fond smile crept across her lips and a sweet ache hit her chest. Their communication had felt off when they talked last weekend when she’d told him about finishing the stable. Since then, they’d texted and even talked, but every time they did, Hazel had felt like there was something lingering in the air between them. Eventually she’d written it off as her paranoia that he’d been upset she’d hired a company to finish the barn without telling him. Once she’d told him she was going to look at a horse, he’d gotten excited for her. Now he wanted to FaceTime so he could see her smile when she talked about the horse she saw.

TEXT TO: MATT 💗

Yeah, okay! I’ll let you know when I get in. I have to drop Rosie off at home first. Can’t wait to tell you about the mare!

TEXT FROM: MATT 💗

I can’t wait to hear all about her. Talk to you later 😘

TEXT TO: MATT 💗

Okay 😊 😘

Hazel glanced up from her phone to see everyone talking about the horses. However, when she slid her phone back into her pocket, Adam immediately glanced her way. Her smile felt nervous and she hoped it didn’t look it before she glanced over at Rosie and smiled.

“You driving home tonight?” Adam asked as the conversation slowed to a stop.

“Yeah, which means we should probably get on the road soon.” The slight hint of regret that chased her tone wasn’t forced as she slid her eyes back to his.

“Aww, that’s too bad,” his friend drawled, “I’ve enjoyed the company.” 

Rosie, beside him, blushed.

“Much better than Page’s, that’s for sure.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “I don’t see how you couldn’t like my company, Cole. You talk about a hundred miles a minute; I’d be lucky to get a word in edgewise the entire time you’re here.”

“He does talk a lot, doesn’t he?” Rosie said, playfully thoughtful as she squinted up at Cole. Teasing.

He gasped in offense as he looked at her with surprise, and her giggles shortly followed. Hazel was smiling; Adam was too. Their eyes met and their smiles softened. There was no talking over what’d happened between them earlier in the barn. She’d escaped having to tell her feelings.

Hazel knew that wasn’t fair to him, especially after he’d bared his heart so openly to her.

“You drive safe, alright?” Adam said softly, Rosie and his friend were occupied with their teasing and laughter as they headed out of the barn back toward Hazel’s truck. He reached to gently rest his hand on her lower back as they turned to follow their friends out of the barn. His palm fell away and he cleared his throat. 

“Yeah,” she said, trailing off as her steps seemed to drag. His did too.

“I’ll try and get my vet out to look her over soon. When she’s clear we can talk details. I’m really glad you liked her.”

They stopped right outside the barn and turned toward one another. 

“I really do.” She said on an exhale, smile spreading across her face.

“I’m glad you’re riding again, too. Especially barrels; what you’re passionate about.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. Behind her she heard the truck start up and, glancing over her shoulder, saw Rosie in the driver’s seat, window rolled down as she talked to Cole, who was leaning on the truck door and giving a wide, charming, happy grin up at her. Hazel looked forward again, up at Adam. “I’ll… talk to you later?”

“Yeah,” he said, and his gaze dropped to her lips. He took a slight breath and looked back at her eyes. Hazel felt flush. She licked her lips and swallowed against the sudden jump in her pulse. “Goodbye, Hazel. I’m…” his blond brows pinched. “I’m happy it was you today.”

“I’m happy it was you, too.” She said, sotto voce. 

“You better go on before they get suspicious.” He said with a wry smile, nodding toward their friends.

“Yeah, I guess I better… bye Adam.”

“Bye darlin’.” He breathed a regretful sigh, eyes meeting hers. She had a feeling all he’d wanted to do was grab her up against him and kiss her dizzy like they’d done earlier. 

She wanted him to do that too.

Instead, Hazel gave her a little half-wave and turned around to walk to the passenger side of her truck, climbing in the cab and buckling up as Cole nodded and said goodbye to Rosie, stepping back so they could take off. Hazel watched Adam’s figure grow smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror until they drove too far down the drive to see him. She sighed, shoulders dropping.

“Okay,” Rosie said as they stopped before turning on the main road, “we have six hours, and I have a lot to tell you, but you need to tell me everything about what happened when you and Adam were alone.”

Hazel groaned and pressed her hands over her eyes, dragging them down and blinking at Rosie. “Things just got really fucking complicated, that’s what happened.”

Rosie turned onto the main road to begin their drive and Hazel told her everything that had happened and everything Adam had confessed.

“When he was kissing me, I completely forgot about Matt. It wasn’t until Adam brought him up when we stopped that I suddenly remembered. I feel awful.”

“What are you going to do about Matt?” Rosie asked curiously.

“I don’t know. We’re not actually dating, right? Matt made that pretty clear. He doesn’t want to talk about it until the rodeo season is over in December. So… I’m technically single? But they’re friends. They know each other. Closely!”

“And what happens in December if Matt says he wants to exclusively date you? Or what happens before December if Adam tells you he’d exclusively date you now?”

Hazel swallowed and shook her head slowly. “I honestly don’t know.”

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again, Hazel. Cause you know if either of those men hurt you, I’ll whoop them.”

Despite the fact Rosie was a sweetheart through and through, Hazel did not doubt her ability to become a tough little firecracker in her defense. It made Hazel laugh as she nodded. “I know you will. That’s why I love you.” The girls shared a smile before Hazel continued. “I know it isn’t the smart thing to do, but I think I’m just going to keep letting the cards fall where they do. I’ll have to tell Matt tonight the mare is Adam’s, and maybe I’ll just tell him what happened.”

“And if he gets upset and doesn’t want to talk to you anymore?”

“Well,” she had a sinking feeling in her gut, “I guess that’s his fault for not wanting to try being with me when I offered. Or my fault for kissing Adam? I don’t know.”

“I’ll leave my phone ringer on when I sleep tonight if you need an emergency best friend conversation.”

“A true friend,” Hazel said fondly. “Which I’m not being, speaking of… you still need to tell me about Mr. Handsome Cowboy you were flirting up a storm with.”

Rosie grinned and even though it was dark in the cab, Hazel swore she could see a little blush in her cheeks.

“Oh, the other Adam?”

“Mhm,” Hazel said, grinning.

“He’s a flirt.” She rolled her eyes. “I saw right through him within five minutes of us talking. But… he’s cute. He got really excited to tell me about bull riding when I told him I’d never watched it. Didn’t make me feel dumb for not knowing, you know?”

“Yeah,” Hazel said, smiling. 

“He asked me for my number.”

“He did?!” 

“Yeah! When he was leanin’ on the truck and you were talking to your Adam.”

“And? Did you give it to him?”

“No.”

“What? Why?” Hazel sat up and frowned at Rosie.

“He’s pry a womanizer. Doesn’t actually care about me, you know? Just flirts with any girl he sees.”

“He didn’t flirt with me,” Hazel pointed out.

“That’s because any fool with eyes could see the hearts Adam had in his eyes every time he looked at you.”

She flushed at that.

“I don’t know. He was cute but, I definitely felt like that attraction wasn’t as authentic for him as it was for me, you know?”

Hazel hummed under her breath. “I don’t know about that, he looked pretty into you as far as I could see. Hey, maybe you’ll get a chance to see him again in the future, given that I’m apparently seeing Adam again.”

“Well, maybe I wouldn’t mind seeing him again. He is really damn cute.”

“He is,” Hazel agreed with a laugh.

They arrived at Rosie’s house first and, after a goodbye and a hug, Hazel climbed into the driver’s seat and pulled her phone out while she was still parked. She yawned and clicked through to the text messages between her and Matt.

TEXT TO: MATT 💗

Just dropped Rosie off, I’ll be home in about twenty minutes!

TEXT FROM: MATT 💗

Sounds good babe.

She smiled and clicked to black the screen out, tossing it gently into the passenger’s seat and pulling the truck out of the driveway. How was she going to tell him about what happened between her and Adam?

“I should just be forward,” she muttered out loud to herself, frowning at the road in front of her. “I should just tell him like, look, Matt, you remember when Adam and I came up to the fire when we first met? I had almost kissed Adam earlier that night and I do have feelings for him. Today he told me he has feelings for me, and we kissed.” She swallowed and exhaled.

“Jesus, I can’t tell him that. Hey, Matt, turns out the horse is Adam’s, you know, one of your super close friends? Also turns out he and I have intense feelings for one another, and we made out and he touched my boob! Okay see ya later bye!”

Hazel choked on a laugh that was followed by a groan and a heavy sigh.

“Hazel, you idiot.” She scolded herself under her breath, turning her truck into her drive. She rolled to a stop and parked, turning the key in the ignition to shut the engine off and sit in the silence of the cab as she glanced at her unlit house.

She’d pick Carson and Callahan up tomorrow from the pet sitter’s, it was too late to get them now. It’d be weird to spend the night completely alone in the house. Hazel swallowed against that feeling and grabbed her bag, climbing out of the truck and locking it behind her as she pulled her house key free and jogged up the porch steps. Hopefully she’d be tired by the time she and Matt got done talking and be able to just go right to sleep. She had traveled for twelve hours and ridden, after all.

Hazel pushed the door open and locked it behind her, tossing the keys onto the catch-all that sat on the little table in the foyer, entering her house and flipping lights on as she walked through. Her purse was discarded on the couch and she tugged her phone from her pocket, tapping a message to Matt as she wandered into her room.

 TEXT TO: MATT 💗

Home! Let me shower really quick. Give me twenty? 😊

She underhand tossed the phone onto her bed and bent to tug her boots off, straightening as she pulled her shirt over her head and went for her bra. A sigh of relief followed unclasping the back-strap and she shrugged out of it as she went for the drawer full of big, soft, comfortable shirts to sleep in. She tugged the lavender one free and opened another drawer to grab a pair of white little sleep-shorts. Holding them in one hand she pulled her jeans and panties off, leaving a trail of discarded clothes as she made for her bathroom.

Hazel showered quick and the warm water felt like a luxury against her muscles that’d likely be sore tomorrow. She shut her mind free of the confusing thoughts circling it and the anxiety of what would happen when she told Matt what’d happened with Adam, or how she was going to broach that topic at all. It was refreshing to dry off and feel clean, too, and she closed her eyes as she towel dried her hair, enjoying it for a moment. 

When she opened her eyes, she could see her reflection looking back at her and shook her head, laughing dryly to herself. “Six months ago, I swore I was never going to date again, now here I am getting caught between two men.” No, that had definitely never been the plan. Hazel rolled her eyes at herself and set the towel aside, grabbing for her pajamas and tugging them on. 

Was it unfair for her to try and casually be with them both, unknowingly, for a moment? If she told Adam she wasn’t ready to be exclusive with him because she still didn’t know whether she and Matt were going to agree to date in December, would he be okay with that? Would he still want to see her, when she told him she’d like to explore their feelings? Could she tell Matt? Was it wrong for her not to include him? If Adam knew and she knew, it wasn’t fair that Matt didn’t know the whole picture, too.

Question upon question were piling up. She shook her head and grabbed her phone, stomach turning as she walked out of her room toward the kitchen for a water. Her phone started to ring just as she got to the fridge. Balancing the phone in one hand she slid to answer the call, smiling as Matt popped up on the screen.

“Hey!” She said.

“There you are,” he said, and grinned. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“It’s been awhile since we’ve FaceTimed,” she agreed, opening a nearby cabinet to grab a glass and get water from the spout on the fridge.

“It has,” he said. “So? How was the horse?”

Hazel laughed, but it was chased by nerves. “Yeah, about that. The ranch was actually-” and right before she could say it was Adam’s, her doorbell rang. “What the hell?” She muttered, setting the water down and looking toward the door.

“Who’s at your house this late?” Matt asked.

“I don’t know.” It was just hitting 11:00PM. “Maybe Rosie left something in my truck.” 

She walked quietly until stopping before the door, pressing up on the tips of her toes to look through the peephole. She gasped at who she saw and wrenched the door open, heartbeat jumping.

“Matt?! What the hell are you doing here?!”

He grinned, ending their FaceTime call as he tucked his phone back into the pocket of his wranglers. “I was in the neighborhood. Come here, I haven’t held you in weeks.” The last time they’d seen one another had been when he’d left the first time. Since then, their talks had been strictly by phone.

Matt pulled her into his arms, and she melted against him, heart sighing to remember what it felt like to have his touch. He was warm against the fall chill at their backs. His thumb pressed gently under her chin and he pushed her face up to look at him while he dipped and slipped his lips across hers. Hazel sighed into the kiss, turning her head to find a better position.

They pulled slowly apart, and she shook her head, still unable to believe he was actually here, on her porch, holding her. “Wait, I thought you had a rodeo you came home from today.”

“I did.” He said and tipped his head toward the inside of her house. “C’mon, let's get off the porch.”

He bent to pick up the straps to a lightly packed black duffel bag and followed her inside. “Right after I put my horse up, I texted Nick asking him to feed for me tonight and in the morning, packed an overnight bag, unhitched my trailer and started the drive up here.”

Hazel closed the door behind her and turned around to face him just as Matt set the duffle bag down and turned toward her. “Why?”

He reached out, either palm sliding warm over her hips. He pulled her in to him, chin to chest as his dark brown eyes softened on her face. “Because I missed you. Because when you were first planning to buy a horse from Bob, I knew his ranch was only a couple hours away from mine, and I was going to show up there and surprise you.” 

“I was going to surprise you!” Hazel said, grinning. “I was going to show up on your porch with an overnight bag after I looked at the horse.” A realization hit and her brows rose as she glanced down at his bag, then back at him. “Hey, you stole my idea.”

Matt laughed and reached up to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Once you weren’t going to Bob’s and were instead going the opposite direction, I realized that meant I didn’t know when I was going to be able to see you next. I didn’t like that, so here I am.”

Hazel laughed behind closed lips and shook her head. “Here you are.”

Matt dipped his head and pushed his lips against hers again. Hazel once again melted into him, and let her body be walked back until she was against the door. Her lips opened for him and his tongue took the invitation, sliding in along hers. The longer they kissed the hungrier they became. Matt’s hand chased up the curve of her hip, up her side and framed her breast. He pinched her nipple over her shirt, softly pulling, making it a hard, needy peak as she gasped into his mouth. He grinned, chuckling before he kissed her again and smoothed his palm over her breast before moving to tease her other nipple in the same way.

She and Matt hadn’t seen one another in weeks, which led to them forgetting about everything and stumbling through the house, stopping to kiss and touch and giggle and moan here and there as they went. Eventually they made it to her room - his shirt was gone, she’d tugged it off down the hallway, and his hair was down and loose around his shoulders - and Matt didn’t let up. He moved with her clear until the back of her knees pressed against the bed, her fingers on his warm, bare chest, running up and then down over his arms. She felt the curve of muscle as he flexed beneath her touch and her lips, against his, lifted into a smile.

He pulled his mouth off hers. “Climb on the bed,” his breath was low, warm against her kiss-swollen lips, his voice rough with need, “And take these clothes off.” His fingers pried at the soft lavender tee she was wearing, tugging pointedly at the hem. With one more urgent kiss against her lips, he finally stepped away, hands falling quickly to the big, shiny buckle on his belt. As she tugged her shirt over her head, he popped the belt open on his jeans and tugged the zipper down quick. His fingers hooked in the denim and he hesitated, just briefly, eyes ravenously black as they fell to her bare breasts. His lips fell apart and she ached for him, for the familiar sweet sting of his beard burn he left after he kissed and sucked at her nipples.

He tugged his jeans down and she wiggled her body atop the sheets, pulling and maneuvering to free herself from her sleep shorts and discarding them without care. He stepped out of his boots and jeans, leaving the pile on the floor as he reached down to take off his socks. He’d undressed in a hurry up until this point, straightening and pinching his fingers in the elastic band of his black boxer-briefs. Hazel’s eyes dropped and saw the thick, defined shape of his hard cock straining against the dark fabric. She wet her lips in anticipation and pushed her heels into the bed, sliding her now-naked body up the sheets and toward the pillows. Matt pulled his boxer-briefs free, cock springing, tip leaking, veins fat and full along its length.

She inhaled as he climbed onto the mattress, her body weight leaning into each dip his knees made as they pressed down. His wide, calloused hands gripped over her knees, pushing her thighs apart as he knelt between them. His cock slipped over her and he sucked in a breath, exhaling it slowly. His hips pushed down, then tilted in, and his cock pried between her lips and slid right in, she was so wet. Hazel gasped on the same breath he did, their eyes locking.

That was the only still moment between them. Their lovemaking turned as wild as it was the first night they were finally able to be together, their bodies stumbling to catch up to all the connecting their hearts had been doing. They were a mess of moans and grunts, of sweat-slick skin sliding on sweat-slick skin, of panted breaths and feverish kisses. Matt pushed up to his knees, hands gripping into her hips, and held her up as he thrust hard and fast, in and out of her, fucking her into her shoulders. Hazel moaned and arched toward his thrusts, opening her eyes to look up the stretch of her naked body to where he was sweating, tense and hungry over her.

Her eyes rolled back in her skull as he dipped his hips and pushed up, stroking a sensitive spot deep inside between her legs. It sent jolts down her thighs and her joints locked, stiff, toes curling in the air and fingers digging into the sheets. Her mouth stuttered on a gasp and hung, caught open. Matt grinned, just barely - doing so was an effort when he was pushing all his energy elsewhere - and the dark of his eyes seemed just a shade darker as he thrust harder, more pointed in that same way he’d gotten her a moment before. Over and over the head of his cock teased that sensitive little spot until she was careening, gasping on her cries, clamping her muscles tight and clenching her jaw in anticipation of- “MATT!” - the crash.

He came down with her, a boulder of uncontrolled muscle crashing in on her as his own body went rigid, balls likely sucked tight to the base of his cock as it pulsed inside her and her own orgasm grabbed it tight. He made a stuttered grunt that seemed like it was supposed to be her name, or maybe a warning, but his throat couldn’t move enough to work words. She felt the warmth inside her as he came, the last ripples of her orgasm pulling at every last drop of him buried so deep inside her.

Matt lay almost an uncomfortable, still weight on top of her as the last of the pleasure ebbed away and their minds pulled from the fog. Their skin stuck, warm and sweaty, his breaths crowding over her. But Hazel’s body was too worn out, she couldn’t be bothered enough to push him away. And some part of her enjoyed it, in a way, that she could finally have him so close that his physical weight might be uncomfortable. Every other night he was just a voice. Just a moving picture.

“Sorry,” he murmured, breathing in an exhausted chuckle, arms shaking as he slowly peeled himself off of her.

“It’s okay,” she said in the same low tone, eyes sliding to meet hers once there was enough space for them to.

Carefully, still sensitive and half-hard, Matt slipped his cock from between her legs. He winced, just barely as the head slipped out, spent and slick with both their cum. He maneuvered to lay his body down beside her on the bed, exhaling a large breath. Hazel grinned and turned over, curling into him almost immediately as he lifted an arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. She looked up at him as he tipped his bearded chin downward and met her eyes.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” She was marveling, still. They’d rushed so quickly to be together, her mind had to catch itself back up.

“I missed you,” he said. His hand lifted so the tips of his fingers could smooth her frizzy hair, setting the pieces right that had stuck to her cheeks.

“I missed you, too.” She said. Her heartbeat hit a little harder, fear slipping into her veins at what she knew was showing brightly in her eyes that she tried so hard not to let go of. Vulnerability. Was he going to tell her he’d thought about what she’d said, and maybe they should look into being together exclusively? (She tried to ignore that this time, she felt three emotions altogether, all equally as potent: excitement, fear, and hesitance) 

Hazel waited for whatever he was going to say, but Matt didn’t speak. He smoothed his hand back down her shoulder and smiled, then leaned his head back on the pillow. His eyelids drifted closed, long eyelashes gently brushing the tops of his cheeks. His breathing relaxed and he seemed to sink calmly into the mattress.

Then she realized no profound confession was going to come from him. This surprise visit of Matt’s was just a one-off thing. Hazel tried to tell herself she wasn’t disappointed. He likely sensed like she did there’d been something wrong between them and he came to put himself between her legs and fuck her until she lost her mind. He’d curl his arm around her and tuck her into him like he was doing now and she’d remember how warm and safe it felt. 

But clearly he wasn’t going to tell her why he had become so distant after she finished the barn.

Maybe that was for the best, Hazel thought as she laid her head against his chest and let herself close her eyes and enjoy that he was there and warm and real in her bed with her. And she let herself remember that his smell would linger for a day or two in her sheets to be there as she drifted off to sleep. She wasn’t even sure she could commit to Matt, not after the connection she’d felt with Adam earlier.

Adam.

Her eyes opened quickly. She’d forgotten all about telling Matt about Adam. A sinking feeling hit the pit of her gut. She was too much of a coward to tell him to his face, when he’d driven all the way over here to surprise her. Especially now, naked, muscles sore from their desperate lovemaking. Hazel moved slowly and shushed him when he grunted and cracked an eye open, assuring him she was just going to the restroom. As her feet hit the plush carpet and he dozed off again, she wondered how she could get angry at him for skirting around things hanging between them when she couldn’t even show him the same courtesy.

**********

“Morning sleepyhead.” Matt whispered softly from where he was bent over her, standing on the other side of the bed, gently rubbing her shoulder. Hazel groaned, and something paper crinkled as he moved. “Look,” he beckoned, and she slowly pulled the comforter down to see a little bag with her store logo printed on it.

“Rosie says good morning. I went and got us coffee and breakfast, come on.” He gently tapped her ass over the comforter she was wrapped in and she groaned in complaint, tucking back into her warm cocoon. He laughed. “Come on, you have coffee to drink, food to eat, and a horse to tell me about.” His voice was fading as he walked out of the room and down the hall.

A horse to tell him about.

Adam’s horse.

Adam.

Matt showing up on her doorstep.

Adam and Matt being friends.

The way she felt when she was with Adam.

The way she felt when she was with Matt.

One day she would look back and maybe realize this was the exact moment, at 7:06AM on an otherwise normal Monday morning, with her body sore from the long drive and horseback riding and phenomenal sex, that she’d first made a connection that would become something paramount later on. But at present she was too tired and too worried about all that would go wrong to even consider what could be, let alone what couldn’t be controlled.

Hazel slid out of bed, wearing her sleep shorts and baggy shirt she’d tugged back on after getting ready for bed. She padded barefoot into the restroom, freshening up with only the amount of effort it took to splash her face, brush her teeth, and run a quick brush through her hair. She yawned as she turned away from her reflection and knew the warm cup of coffee would be a godsend this morning.

“There she is,” Matt said warmly, and she looked over at him - he was in his usual around-the-house attire of a cotton t-shirt of one of the brands that sponsored him and a comfortable pair of sweatpants. He’d swept his hair up into a bun, she remembered it down, jerking around his shoulders with each ram of his cock inside her. She licked her lips and set herself quickly down on the chair across from him, putting the reminder out of her head.

“My body feels so beat up, I don’t know how you travel like this and then perform every single week.” She complained as she wrapped her hands around the sleeve of the thermos he’d taken to get her coffee in.

“Aw, it’s not so bad. Eventually you just figure your body is supposed to feel all of those aches. You just kind of forget what it was like when you weren’t in pain.” He grinned as he lifted his coffee to his lips, winked and took a sip.

Hazel breathed out a laugh and rolled her eyes, taking her first sip of coffee and closing her eyes as she enjoyed how wonderful it was. She took another sip before the bag rustled and, looking, she saw Matt was opening it.

“Rosie had just pulled some lemon poppyseed muffins out of the oven before I rolled up. I grabbed a couple.” He reached in and placed one on a napkin for her, sliding it toward her spot on the table. He grabbed another one for himself and set his phone aside, it looked like he’d been reading a news article. Matt saw her glance at it. “Checking how everyone did at the other rodeos this weekend.” He grinned and shrugged as he picked at the muffin wrapper, peeling it away. “Trying to estimate what our scores are at and how good Nick and I have to be this weekend.”

“It never stops, huh?” Hazel said, but she didn’t say it sadly. It was more like she was marveling. He just kept pushing himself toward that dream, toward proving to everyone that he was as good as he said he was. It was admirable, even if it got in the way of something she wanted. That dream was there before her, anyways.

“Nope,” he said, and a sigh seemed to chase his words before he caught himself and plugged his mouth up with a chunk of baked goods. She did the same and he finally asked after he took a swig of coffee, “So, come on. Tell me about the horse.”

Hazel laughed, and she sipped her coffee to stall time.

“Funnily enough, it’s Adam’s.” She said, and her eyes shot to him as she kept the cup near her lips. She wondered if he’d ever caught on to any of it that first night they’d talked by the fire, when the energy between her and Adam had felt like it was practically shooting sparks.

“Adam?” He frowned and popped another bite into his mouth, chewing carefully. “Adam who?”

“Page.”

“Oh!” He laughed, clearly surprised. Delighted, even. So, he didn’t have any clue. “When did you find that out?”

“When I got there,” Hazel admitted. “I got so excited about going to see a horse I didn’t even ask for the guy’s name before I showed up, and then it turned out to be him.”

“Of course, you could only think about the horse.” Matt was grinning. “Which of his is it?”

“Daisy!” Hazel said it with excited breath, unable from sitting a little higher in her seat. It was easy to forget about Adam when she thought about the mare she might own soon.

“Daisy’s a beautiful little filly,” Matt said, frowning with thought. “That’s the little gold one that’s related to his mare Dolly, right?”

“Yeah, full sisters.”

“That’s right. Dolly is a sound horse. Last year at the NFR my horse hurt himself at the rodeo; he spooked when an attendant’s dog acted out and kicked, missed the dog and hit the trailer. It gashed up his leg and I didn’t want to run him, even patching it up. Didn’t want to take the risk. Adam always trailers in Dolly in case he decides to pick-up, and she’s a solid little ranch mare even if she’s not just for head roping. He let me ride her and Nick and I pulled second place when we otherwise would have had to drop out and severely hurt our rankings.”

“Wow,” Hazel exhaled, both marveling at the mare and at Adam’s quick thinking to make sure his friends wouldn’t miss their chances.

“Yeah,” Matt nodded and took another swallow of coffee and bite of muffin before adding, “if that little mare is anything like her sister, you’re going to have yourself a damn good horse.”

Hazel grinned. “I really think she’s something else. I haven’t felt that way when I’ve gotten on a horse since my first horse, Shorty.”

“Shorty?” Matt asked, smiling.

“He was a horse that a friend of my stepfather’s owned over at a dairy. He was the third horse I ever rode, a stocky little bay gelding with a little star on his forehead. He was playful and silly and would get a little pushy if I didn’t mind him, so he taught me a lot. He was also the first horse I ever rode barrels on.”

“Really?” Matt asked, leaning his forearms on the table and watching her.

“Yep! The dairy farmer’s daughter used to be a barrel racer, but she went off to college. Shorty was her horse. She came home for Christmas break and we went over for a little Christmas party and she asked me if I was the girl who was keeping Shorty company when she was gone. I was probably nine or ten at the time,” Hazel tilted her head, remembering that night well. “She asked me if I’d ever seen barrel racing and I said no, so she took me into her old room and showed me all the trophies and ribbons she and Shorty had won, and all the framed pictures she had. She taught me how to run the patterns that weekend and gave me books she’d learned from too.”

“Wow,” Matt said, smiling. “That’s awesome.”

“It really was! I felt that same connection to Daisy that I did when I used to ride Shorty.”

“You know, I think that might be the first time you’ve ever told me anything about your childhood.” He commented softly.

Hazel blinked. In truth, she’d been so happy to talk about Daisy she hadn’t even realized the story was tumbling out. She glanced down at her coffee mug, avoiding his gaze. “It’s not something I like to think about often.”

“I know,” he said. When she met his eyes, she saw they were warm and wanted to offer comfort. “Come on,” he broke the tension for her, and she was secretly grateful he didn’t press, or keep the silence hanging long enough she felt she had to talk about it. She wasn’t ready. “We still need to go pick up the clowns-” Carson and Callahan “-and you need to show me that barn in person.”

Hazel smiled as she stood up, grabbing the thermos as he took up the empty muffin wrappers and slid the crumbs off the table, throwing them in the trash on their way back to the bedroom to shower and dress. He wrapped an arm around her as she passed him and forced a pause in their walk to place a quick, soft kiss against her temple. An extra touch of comfort. Hazel’s heart warmed as their eyes met, her smile softening.

Matt had stayed most of the day with her. When Hazel finally saw him off it was in the late afternoon, and they tried their best not to talk about how badly they’d miss one another, though the words slipped out anyways. After she watched his truck back down her drive and take off down the road, Hazel loaded Carson and Callahan into her truck and went to relieve Rosie from managing the coffee shop. 

The dogs were always welcome at the shop, though they mostly slept and played in the manager’s office, only occasionally coming out when beckoned by a customer who asked if they could pet them. Hazel loved having a place she could bring her pups along with her if she wanted and was always delighted when someone seemed genuinely enthused to play with them. Some customers brought their dogs by, too, and they’d go out on the white-picket fence enclosed patio to play and have a little fun.

As she let Carson and Callahan inside and the little bell chimed as the door swung closed, she noticed a beautiful painting on the wall; a mountain landscape set in soft, lavender tones. “Oh wow! Is that a new one?”

“It is!” Rosie beamed, clearly happy Hazel had noticed.

“Rosie, it’s gorgeous!” Hazel said, turning to appreciate her friend’s artistic talents. “You really outdid yourself.” She stepped a little closer to it and smiled, looking at the little details that drew her eyes the longer she admired it.

“Thank you sugar,” Rosie said with a wink and couldn’t calm the width of her smile as she practically beamed under the compliment. “But,” her expression turned a little more pointed as Hazel glanced over at her, “Don’t think buttering me up is going to get you out of telling me what happened with Matt last night.”

Hazel laughed. “I wasn’t trying to get out of it! But aren’t you exhausted? You’ve been here since the crack of dawn and we didn’t exactly get to bed early last night.”

Rosie waved her hand dismissively as the pair turned and made for the office. Two of their part-time staff members were on hand to help serve the steady flow of customers coming in and out for a little treat and something warm to drink in the steadily cooling late-fall weather. It gave them the perfect opportunity to slip into the office, closing the door behind them for privacy. Rosie waited until they’d sat, offering Callahan a few scratches behind the ear as he walked over and plopped down in front of her, clearly expecting some love.

“I didn’t tell him what happened with Adam.” Hazel exhaled in a rush, then groaned and shook her head. “I couldn’t. Or, I didn’t want to. I don’t know. It was just so good to be with him again, you know?”

Rosie looked at her with sympathy. “I know, sweetheart. But letting it go on like this is just gonna lead to more heartache when things finally do come out. Adam’s still going to be bringing the horse, right?”

“Yeah,” Hazel said, worrying at her bottom lip and shaking her head. She knew clinging to the excuse that they hadn’t discussed anything was a cheap way out. She knew the right thing would have been to at least clue Matt into her having feelings for Adam, but she couldn’t do it. “So long as she passes her vet check, which I'm sure she will.”

Which meant Adam would be trailering her in. Which meant she would be alone with Adam. She knew she should feel guilty, not excited.

“How long will that take?”

“A few days, maybe? It depends on when the vet can get out there and then when Adam has the time to drive her up.”

Rosie hummed under her breath and then smiled. “She is really pretty.”

“Isn’t she?” Hazel couldn’t ignore how her heart lifted just to think of the little golden mare and how she couldn’t wait to hopefully begin training her on the barrels.

Rosie asked a few more questions about the mare, and Hazel was all too happy to answer. It was much, much easier to gush about her potential new horse than it was to go in anxiety-ridden circles about the potential mess she was making between herself, Matt, and Adam. She went on about a barrel saddle she’d had her eye on buying, light oil color with hand-painted floral details, turquoise and clear crystal embellishments. There was a matching headstall and breast collar to the entire set. Hazel pulled it up on her phone and passed it over, smiling as Rosie marveled at how pretty it was and how well the turquoise would look against Daisy’s golden coat.

It was exciting to talk about these things again. To think the mornings of tugging on her boots and making her way to the stall to feed were just on the horizon. Hazel could barely contain her excitement. All she needed now was to hear from Adam again, and she hoped it would be soon. Both because she wanted to know if she could really begin dreaming of everything she and her new little mare would do and because she could daydream about seeing him again. 

Across from her, Rosie lifted her hand to cover a yawn. Hazel smiled sympathetically and clapped her palms against her thighs, pushing up to her feet.

“Come on,” Hazel said, reaching to pull Rosie up out of her chair. “Your friendship duties are officially over. I know you’re tired out of your mind, so I’m sending you home.” She tugged her out of the office and stopped them in the middle of the shop, despite Rosie’s arguments that she wasn’t that tired, and would be more than happy to keep on talking.

“Go on, get home safe.” Hazel nodded over Rosie’s shoulder to the door.

“Alright, alright,” Rosie said, conceding at last. “But remember,” her tone brought Hazel’s eyes to meet hers. “If you need me, I’m always just a phone call away.”

Hazel’s lips curled upward as she reached to gently grasp Rosie’s hand. “Thank you.” Rosie nodded and turned, waving and giving her goodbye to their staff working behind the counter and once she was gone, Hazel returned to the office to pick up where Rosie’s work had left off.

Two hours into spreadsheets and schedules and budgets that had her eyes wanting to cross, Hazel’s phone buzzed.

TEXT FROM: Adam

Daisy passed her vet check with flying colors.

Hazel’s brows shot up as excitement rushed through her. She couldn’t grab her phone up to reply fast enough.

TEXT TO: Adam

Yay!!!!! I know you’re already helping me out by driving her up to mine since I don’t have a trailer yet, but is it wrong of me to ask how soon you’re able to? I’m just so eager to have her.

TEXT FROM: Adam

Not wrong at all. I’m happy she’s clearly going to a good home. If I could bring her up Friday and leave Dolly with her overnight, you’d be doing me a favor. I have a rodeo about seven hours further north of you on Saturday. I could drive six hours to yours, put Dolly up and that’ll give Daisy some company for the first night in a new place. Then I’ll just stay at a hotel and come back in the morning, load Dolly up and finish my drive to the rodeo.

Hazel read and reread the message. There was nothing wrong with him leaving Dolly overnight and she did like the idea that Daisy would have something and someone familiar on her first night at her new home. But she knew, before she even began typing the message, her reply was going to make it all kinds of wrong.

TEXT TO: Adam

That’s no problem at all! If you want to save money on a hotel, I have a guest bedroom. If it wouldn’t be weird for you. I am still kind of with Matt.

TEXT FROM: Adam

Kind of with… but not dating, right?

Her pulse jumped, but her stomach turned. She sucked in a breath.

TEXT TO: Adam

Yeah…

TEXT FROM: Adam

It’d help me out to not have to pay for a hotel room, so if it wouldn’t be weird for you, I’d appreciate the offer. I’ll keep my hands to myself, if that’s what you want.

She didn’t want that and they both knew it. With a sigh, she glanced over at Carson, who was stretched out on the dog bed in the office. He perked his ears at her as their eyes met.

“I don’t know what I’m doing either, bud.” She said and glanced back down at her phone.

TEXT TO: Adam

Guest bedroom it is. See you Friday. 

She set her phone down and, elbows on the desk, leaned her face into her hands and closed her eyes. This wasn’t fair to Matt. Beside her, Hazel’s phone buzzed. Another text message, probably from Adam. She cracked her eyes open and almost choked on a laugh. Speak of the devil.

TEXT FROM: MATT 💗

Almost home! Just a few more hours. Call you when I get there?

She glanced at the time, and figured she’d be just locking up and getting home when he was finally ready to call.

TEXT TO: MATT 💗

Sounds great babe. Drive safe! 

Another heavy exhale and she set her phone down, glancing back at Carson who was still watching her from where he was laying. He thumped his tail and Hazel smiled flatly. 

“You’re supposed to protect me from things that hurt me, you know that, right?”

He pulled up to his feet, tail wagging increasingly harder the closer to her got, sitting in front of her knees and pushing his head onto her lap. He looked up at her with big brown puppy dog eyes and Hazel sighed, shaking her head and scratching him behind his floppy, soft golden ears.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You can’t protect me from myself. It isn’t your fault.”

Hazel gave him a final little scratch behind the ears and gently pushed him from her lap, turning in the office chair to pick up work again. When she’d done enough scheduling and inventorying and planning to make her want to rake her eyes out, she joined the staff working until closing and helped them behind the counter, checking in with townsfolk she was familiar with and thanking them for coming by. It was nicer than sitting alone in the office with only her thoughts to turn her around and around. Here, conversation stole her attention and left it with nothing to focus on but familiar faces and pleasantry.

The sky became pitch black as the night stretched ever closer, the sun having set a few hours prior. Hazel waved her employees goodnight and locked up, getting Carson and Callahan loaded into the backseat of her truck’s cab before climbing up into the driver’s seat. She was alone with only her thoughts again, but was quick to flip on the radio, deciding if she sang along to her favorite songs it’d be enough to preoccupy her on the drive home.

It was, of course, temporary.

Soon enough she was pulling into the driveway, killing the engine and glancing down at the time on her phone. Matt would likely be calling in just a few minutes. Hazel tucked her phone into her pocket and slid out of the truck, taking Callahan and Carson up to the front door and giving a quick smile over at the still-empty barn. She let her heart lift with excitement, thinking of that cute little golden mare who’d occupy it soon enough.

As soon as she’d lightly tossed her keys into the catch-all on the hallway table, her phone started to ring. When she pulled it out of her pocket, she was relieved to see it was a normal call and not FaceTime. She slid to answer and held it up to her ear.

“Hey, babe.”

“Hey you!” He sounded happy. Hazel bit at her bottom lip.

“How was the drive home?”

“Not bad,” he groaned, and she heard a sound like he’d collapsed onto his bed, the sheets and mattress giving way beneath his weight. “Mmm,” he murmured tiredly, “wish you were here though.” A sigh through his nose. “I wasn’t ready to let you go after just one day.”

“I wasn’t ready for you to, either.” A pinch of sadness weighed down her tone. Hazel didn’t understand how she could feel how she felt about him, but also feel the way she felt about Adam both at the same time. It didn’t seem fair. Or reasonable. She knew what it was like to be cheated on, and she didn’t want to be the kind of person that’d bring that sort of pain to someone she cared about. But again, she found herself confused and wondering… was it cheating if they weren’t technically together?

“Sorry,” he said, picking up on the long pause of silence between them. “I didn’t mean to get mopey and be a downer on the conversation.”

“No, no,” she slowly lowered onto the couch, peering off across the room but seeing none of it. She was picturing him, instead. “You don’t need to apologize.” She took a small pause. “Hey, Matt?”

“Hm?”

“Can I say something that might make the conversation even more of a downer?” Her chest felt tight.

“I… guess. What’s wrong?” His voice sounded sharper than it did before. She’d broken through the exhaustion of a long day’s drive and now he was alert.

“I know we said we weren’t going to talk about dating until after this rodeo season was over in December,” she started, “but something’s changed and I just need to know if you really see us as exclusively dating - the real thing - after this season is done.”

“I… What do you mean, something’s changed? What changed?”

She could hear a touch of anger in his voice.

No, wait. Not anger. 

Worry.

“Matt,” she sighed and closed her eyes, reaching to pinch the bridge of her nose. “What happens next rodeo season?”

“What do you mean?”

��I mean, what happens if during the off-season you decide you have enough time to date, but then the rodeo season starts up again in the spring and you feel like you can’t be around again?”

There was a long pause. Longer than normal.

“Hazel, I…” He trailed off. Every second of silence made her chest ache a little tighter and a little tighter. “I don’t know.”

She exhaled and hated the way her eyes were stinging. “You don’t think we could do it? The long-distance thing?”

“What’s changed, Hazel? I was just there with you yesterday and everything was perfect. Why are you suddenly asking me all of this?”

“I met someone.” It was out of her mouth before she had a second chance to think. Before she could point out there shouldn’t be any difference if they wanted to try dating now or a few months from now. The rodeo and their distance were always going to be there, so why not try and work through it now if that’s what he really wanted?

“You met someone.” He laughed, but there was no humor to it. Now she could hear a little bit of anger.

“Matt, nothing’s happened.” That was a lie. Hazel swallowed against her rising guilt. “I just want to know where we stand. I care about you, Matt.”

I love you, she wanted to say, but she was too terrified to say those three little words and then hear him tell her he didn’t feel the same.

“I care about you too!”

“Do you?” The words practically leapt out of her, pushed by the pain she was feeling. “Because if you cared about me, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to just try dating, Matt. We’re adults, we can figure out trips to see one another.” 

Suddenly this conversation was steamrolling into a fight.

“I already told you I don’t have time to focus on a relationship the way I’d want to. I don’t want to hurt you when I have to pick the rodeo over you.”

“You already are.” Picking the rodeo over her or hurting her? 

Hazel didn’t specify.

The pause was long again. He exhaled a sharp breath, but still didn’t speak. It stretched on a little longer.

“Are you going to say anything?” She asked, hearing how small her voice was.

“I don’t know what to say.”

She swallowed back against the lump in her throat and tried her hardest to keep from crying but felt the slip of a tear down her cheek just a moment after. Careful to stay as quiet as possible so he wouldn’t hear her crying, she reached for a tissue on the coffee table and carefully pressed it against her eyes, looking up at the ceiling and doing her best to not let any more fall or any shaking breaths leave her lips.

“Well,” she tried once she felt like she could get her voice. She could hear the faint roughness of emotion laid over it but tried to keep her tone level. “I guess I should go then.”

“Hazel, we can’t leave it like this. We can’t hang up like this.”

She hated that she could hear the hurt in his voice. He was hurting her. Why wouldn’t he answer her? Why wouldn’t he try? Wouldn’t it make sense, if they were going to date exclusively, to try during the most hectic time of the year to see if they had what it takes to get through the tough stuff? Didn’t that just mean that somewhere, in the back of his mind, he didn’t really want to be with her as much as he thought he did?

“I don’t know what to say.” She echoed his words back to him, to hurt him too, but she didn’t feel particularly good about it. It just hurt her more. She heard another breath rush out of his lungs.

He cursed under his breath. “Hazel, I care about you, okay? I wouldn’t have driven all that way to surprise you if I didn’t.”

“I know,” Hazel closed her eyes tight, hoping that’d continue to keep the tears at bay. “But you don’t want to date right now?”

“The NFR is just two months away,” he said quietly. “Can’t we just wait to talk about this until then? Maybe there’ll be a rodeo close enough for you to come out and stay the weekend with me? I think I have one this weekend that’s about seven hours away from you.”

“I’d have to talk to Rosie and see if she could cover the shop for me,” she trailed off and then shook her head, remembering, “No, wait. I can’t. I’m getting my horse on Friday.”

“Oh… I think the other ones are all out-of-state. Wyoming and Montana until we head to Vegas for the NFR.” He paused and when he spoke next, she could tell he was trying to make his voice lighter, trying to patch them up and pull them away from that sad place they’d been in. “But hey! You didn’t tell me your horse passed the vet check. That’s exciting!”

Her heart was too heavy to lift, even for that. It felt like a cheap way to distract her from what they’d been talking about.

“Yeah, it is.” She looked up at her ceiling. “I need to go... I have to be up early so I can open the shop.”

“Okay,” he said, but she heard the hesitation in the pause that followed. They still hadn’t soothed what wounds they’d both opened, and now neither of them knew how to. If they hung up, the sting would have no choice but to linger. “I’ll text you tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, Hazel.”

“Bye, Matt.”

She pulled her phone slowly away, blinked at his name and the seconds trickling by the timestamp on their phone call. The screen blurred as her eyes filled with tears. She clicked the red circle to hang-up before they started to fall.

***********

A loud, long groan pushed with effort from his chest, barely muffled behind closed lips, his jaw clenched tight. His work-glove covered hands curled around the handles of the hay hooks buried at either side of the fifty-pound bale of alfalfa hay and he hoisted it upward, biceps bulging against his sun-tanned skin with the effort. He turned his body and swung the bale up onto the stack in his hay barn which he’d parked the trailer beside to unload.

The work kept him occupied and pushed the frustrations that’d plagued him through a sleepless night. Some bales that he lifted, he practically screamed through, but it was only against the thoughts that’d been circling endlessly around in his head and spreading an ache in his chest. He kept trying to shake it off. Each time he tugged the hay hooks from the bale and stabbed them aggressively into the next to be unloaded, he hoped some of that tension would ease out of his body. Maybe he’d exhaust himself enough that he’d just lay back right there on the scratchy hay and pass out and wouldn’t be able to think anymore.

Sweat dripped down his temple and he paused, stretching upright with the hooks left in the bale, reaching to wipe it away with the back of his hand before it hit his eyes. His other hand swiped the black cowboy hat from his head and he fanned himself briefly with the brim, stirring the few wisps of brown hair that’d untucked from his low bun as he worked. He realized it felt loose and dropped his hat onto the hay bale, reaching up to secure it again. His arms burned with a familiar, comfortable ache and he knew he’d have no hope but to fall into a deep sleep tonight.

“I thought you were going to wait until I was over to unload!” Nick’s familiar voice called up from a short distance away, and Matt dropped his hands slow, reaching to pick up his hat and wiping the little flakes of alfalfa that’d stuck to it. He stuck it low on his brow before he turned to look at his brother, who’d now reached the flatbed and was peering up at him with a frown, long fingers pinching his narrow hips.

“I needed to do something.” He said, voice strained as he realized how thirsty he was. He tugged off his gloves, hands warm, and tossed them gently onto the next hay bale he was supposed to move.

Nick’s frown deepened. He turned to where Matt had left his bottle of water and chucked it underhand up to him. “What’s going on?”

Matt twisted the cap off and looked over at his younger brother, pushing a sigh out of his nose and dropping his shoulders. “I fucked things up with Hazel.” He tipped the bottle back and took a swallow, using it as an opportunity to avoid meeting Nick’s eyes.

“What? How?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed and licked the residue water from his lips. That was a lie, he did know. He also knew that all he had to do was tell Nick the conversation verbatim, and Nick would know too.

Nick didn’t press or say anything. He pushed up on the flatbed trailer, where there was space for his boots to firmly land on the secured wood-beams that made the bed. Matt had already managed to clear a decent amount of bales on his own, but he was feeling the exhaustion at having overexerted himself because of it.

Another sigh.

“She met someone else, Nick.”

Nick’s brows lifted. He tugged his gloves from the back pocket of his Wranglers and pulled them onto his hands, stepping into Matt’s space as Matt took a few steps to the side. Setting the bottle of water aside he reached for his gloves, tugging them on as he considered what happened on the phone with Hazel the night prior.

As Nick grabbed the handle of the hook on the left side, Matt grabbed the right. They maneuvered the bale onto the pile being stacked in the hay storage and when Matt tugged the hook free, he spoke.

“She told me something had changed, and then asked me what happens next rodeo season.” He blinked, a frown pushing his dark brows together. His arm swung as he buried the metal hook into the next bale. “I-”a grunt broke between his words “-asked her what had changed and she told me she met someone.” He tried to say it as if it didn’t tap on one of those very fears that’d worried him about them dating.

“So she doesn’t want to talk anymore?” Nick asked, hoisting his side up as Matt followed suit and they stacked the next bale.

“No,” Matt shook his head. “She didn’t say that. But we got…” he glanced down at the toes of his boots, gaze distant as he remembered lying on his bed, heart pounding so fast and hard in his chest he felt sick, fingers curled so tight around his phone they ached and his knuckles were white.

I don’t want to hurt you when I have to pick the rodeo over you.

You already are.

His eyes rolled up to the sky as he tipped his head back. A dry laugh left him on an exhale, but there was no humor in it. “We got into a fight. A real one.” His head tipped back forward and his eyes slid to Nick’s. “I can’t remember the last time I was with a girl long enough to have fought with her.”

“Girls yell at you all the time,” Nick said, swinging the curved hook into his side of the bale.

A grin curled the edge of Matt’s mouth beneath his mustache. “Shut up,” he said half-heartedly, stabbing his hook into the hay and hoisting the weight upward as Nick did too. Once they’d swung the bale onto the stack and released the hooks, Matt shrugged. “That doesn’t count. That’s them yelling at me about how I’m a no-good scoundrel who’s only love is rodeo gold, that’s not us fighting.”

“You’ve never stuck around long enough to fight with them.” Nick said it casually, but Matt felt himself tense.

“Yeah, well, I don’t have time for this bullshit.” He spat it out with a little more venom than he’d intended, gesturing vaguely. “My focus has always been on our career, and that’s no different now. Where am I supposed to fit a relationship in with a woman who lives a whole day’s drive away?”

Matt stabbed the hook into his bale, but Nick didn’t do his. Straightening upright, Matt looked at his brother and saw Nick was watching him with an almost sympathetic look across his face. Matt hated how much it cut through him, how it immediately tugged away the anger that was keeping him safe from feeling how hurt he was. His eyes dropped away from Nick’s.

“You sort of already are, Matt.”

Matt glanced up and saw Nick was still steadily watching him. For all of Matt’s anxious ticks and nervous energy, Nick was calm and still, far more collected of the two. Nick pulled his glove off and scratched at the light scruff on his chin as his brows pinched inward and he narrowed his eyes in thought.

“Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you play your normal games with the rodeo girls.” Nick’s eyes slid to Matt and his brows lifted beneath the brim of his baseball cap, pushing the brim just slightly up his forehead. “I think the last time was when you met her.”

Matt shrugged and turned away, as though that would hide what having those truths laid out bare in front of him made him feel, and how scared he was to feel those feelings. “Come on,” he said, encouraging Nick to put his work gloves back on and help hoist the hay. “She already met someone else. It was only a matter of time anyways. She deserves someone who’s going to be there for her more than I can be. Who isn’t going to hurt her like I have.”

Nick was slow to put his glove on, but didn’t talk until he’d picked his hook back up and secured it into the bale. “For all we’ve known each other - and it has been quite some time,” he pushed through gritted teeth as they hoisted the hay up onto the stack and tugged his hook free, “I’ve never known you to be a quitter. Especially if it’s not something your heart wants.”

**********

“Okay, I don’t think she’s paying attention to us.”

“No, I don’t think she is. She hasn’t looked over since we said her name an entire minute ago.”

“So we could say whatever we want about her and she wouldn’t hear it?”

“Probably.” A little snickering followed, but just like the question Andrea had asked her a moment ago, Hazel heard none of it. Her foot was bouncing beside the chair as her eyes pinned to the semi-busy afternoon crowds down main street outside her’s and Rosie’s coffee shop. She was sitting at one of the window seats, across from her was Rosie and Andrea, as the three girls had a little get-together one of the few nights Andrea had a chance to leave her siblings behind and had no shift at either of the jobs she worked.

They’d caught up on what had happened between Hazel and Matt and the fact that she hadn’t heard from him since their fight on Monday. She hadn’t tried to text or call him back, and he hadn’t tried to text or call her.

“Does this mean you guys are over?” Andrea had asked, frowning.

“I don’t know. Maybe?” Hazel didn’t want to say yes, though that’s certainly what it felt like.

“Hey! Hazel! Hello!” Andrea’s voice was suddenly loud, and it made her jump as her wide-eyes swung back to find her friends staring at her with matching grins.

“Sorry,” she said, “did you ask me something?”

“Yeah, about five minutes ago!”

“Sorry!” Hazel laughed and shook her head.

“It’s okay,” Rosie laughed, “we know you can’t think of anything but Daisy.”

Adam would be sending her a message as soon as he was an hour outside town. It would give her time to leave the shop, drive home and do another check to make sure everything was ready for the mare. Or, mares, since Dolly would be staying the night too. As would her handler.

Hazel was trying not to think about that too much, along with making the egregious mistake of assuming she could be reasonable and keep her hands off of him and stay in her room and not do anything to further complicate her love life. Instead, she was putting all her focus and attention on the arrival of her new horse. It wasn’t too hard to do, given how excited she was about being a horse owner again, and how much she couldn’t wait to run Daisy on the barrels. It was like a piece of her had reawoken, something that she thought she’d lost long, long ago.

“I can’t wait,” Hazel confessed, looking between her friends and beaming. “I can’t wait for you to meet her Andrea, she’s an absolute sweetheart.”

“She really is,” Rosie agreed.

“Don’t be surprised if Grace starts asking for a sleepover at Auntie Hazel’s,” Andrea said. Grace was her youngest sibling at seven years-old, and the only girl. “She’s in that horse-crazy phase of her young girl years.”

“Ah,” Hazel said, nodding, “a phase I know all too well. Some of us never grow out of it.” Their light laughter was broken by Hazel’s phone chiming and lighting up where it sat on the table in front of her. She squealed to see Adam’s name and was quick to open his message. “Looks like it’s time for me to head home and check everything over.” She said, smiling back up at her friends.

“Adam’s close?” Rosie asked.

“Yep,” Hazel pushed the chair back as she stood, “I’ll send you guys some videos of her settling in!” 

The girls said their goodbyes and Hazel rounded up Carson and Callahan, loading them in her truck before she headed for home. She couldn’t get there fast enough, even knowing Adam was still an entire hour out. Her giddiness made her realize twice she was speeding, and she’d exhale with a laugh as she eased the foot off the pedal and slowed her truck down. She felt like a kid at Christmas, all the excitement inside her pouring out in what felt like a permanent smile that’d been on her face all day.

The following hour passed surprisingly quickly as she did a check around the barn and turnout paddocks, filled two stalls with a little over a foot of soft sawdust flakes, and got the water buckets filled before flipping the automatic fill nozzles on. Hazel had just swung the back door toward the turnout paddock open when she heard the rumble of the truck’s engine and glanced to see Adam pulling his horse trailer up the drive.

Wiping her hands on her jeans she darted out of the barn and half-jogged to where he slowly pulled the truck to a stop. 

“Hey!” She called as he climbed out of the cab.

“Hello again,” he said warmly, and opened his arms to envelope her in a friendly hug. Hazel didn’t hesitate, and something in her softened to have his arms around her and his scent - whatever shampoo and conditioner he used, horses, leather, and the faint spearmint from the gum he’d been chewing - in her nose, her lungs as she dragged a deep enough breath for it. He must’ve sensed something, because as she snuggled in close, Adam’s hands flattened on her back, holding her closer into his front. 

Hazel buried her face against him, and let the pain she’d been feeling that past week slip away, second by second that he held her. His arms shifted, he pulled her back just enough to lift his thick fingers to her chin, guiding it up so their eyes could meet. The way concern looked on his face made her heart ache.

“You alright?” He asked, his green eyes jumping between hers.

“Yeah,” she exhaled and nodded. “I’m okay.” 

The hand that’d been holding her chin reached to cup her cheek. His thumb skimmed across her skin. “Alright.” He said. He wouldn’t press, wouldn’t make her tell him why she’d needed to hold him so tightly. 

“Want to introduce your girl to her new home?” He tilted his head toward the trailer, blond curls gently shifting with the movement.

“Yes!” She practically jumped in his arms and was only remiss for a second when their embrace broke.

As Adam went to unhitch the back of the trailer, Hazel popped the side door, speaking softly to the golden mares as she stepped inside the trailer. She ran a gentle hand along Daisy’s haunches and down her spin, shifting between them to where her lead was securely knotted. Quick work undid the nylon and Hazel gently turned her, leading her out of the trailer. “Welcome home, Daisy,” she said as they walked down the ramp and onto the gravel driveway outside.

Daisy lifted her nose in the air, nostrils flaring as she sucked in deep, fresh breaths of all the new smells. She jerked her head lightly on the lead - not enough to disturb Hazel’s grasp, though it tightened all the same - and looked around, ears pointing forward, attentive. Hazel smiled and rubbed her free hand down Daisy’s warm, strong neck. “What do you see, girl?” She asked her, starting to walk, Daisy more than happy to fall in step with her.

As Hazel showed her around the yard, Adam unloaded Dolly, who was clearly happy to be able to uncramp her legs from the trailer.

“Let’s turn them out in the arena,” Hazel suggested, nodding toward it. “They can stretch their legs and get some energy out.” She could tell when Daisy had turned and seen her sister that her excitement had mounted and the clips of her hooves hit a little more rapidly as she swung her hips, moving restlessly. It’d be good to let them burn this off.

Adam nodded and started toward the arena, Dolly glancing around as he led her toward the gate. Hazel followed in tow with Daisy, who seemed confident and happy following her older sister. Adam popped the latch and pushed it open on the hinge, walking Dolly in a few steps over the soft sand-dirt blend arena. He reached up to unclip her lead as Hazel led Daisy in behind them, reaching to do the same before Daisy could get too excited about her sister already trotting a few paces out. The lead unclipped, Daisy tossed her head and pulled her legs up in a high-knee trot, cream-white tail flagging out behind her muscled haunches.

Adam joined Hazel, standing side by side with her as they both held their horse’s respective leads, smiling and watching the mares in the arena.

As Daisy approached Dolly, Dolly lifted her head and kicked out her heels playfully, picking up the pace to egg her younger sister into a chase. The two uncramped their muscles from the six-hour long travel in the trailer, and worked through their energy at being in a completely new place with new smells. Dolly was used to traveling and her confident nature would help ease Daisy into this place too, making it more something to be intrigued by than fearful of. It was a good thing Adam had a rodeo and needed to bring Dolly, too. Hazel watched both golden mares stop at the other end of the arena and glance out toward the foothills, side by side as they pointed their ears over the fence and listened to whatever caught their attention.

“She looks right at home here,” Adam said, and it drew Hazel’s eyes toward him.

“She does.” She agreed with a smile.

“Want to give these girls a break? Show me around your barn?” He offered.

“Sure,” Hazel agreed with a smile, and turned to walk back toward the arena gate they’d gently closed after releasing the mares. They hung the leads on the fencepost, since they wouldn’t need them until they were ready to put the mare’s up for the night, and exited. Adam latched the arena gate and waved a hand at Dolly and Daisy, who’d glanced over to curiously watch them make their exit.

“It’s definitely nowhere near as fancy as yours,” she started, not wanting his expectations through the roof as she led him across the yard toward it.

“Well, you’re also not a multi-year bronc bustin’ rodeo champion with a ranch horse breeding business on the side.”

“Fair point,” she laughed as he raised his brows and fixed her with a pointed, green-eyed stare. He grinned shortly after, and her eyes lingered over how handsome happiness looked on him. It made his cheeks perfectly round and pinchable, with a brightness in his green eyes that nearly made them shine blue.

They reached the little three stall barn and Hazel tried to temper her smile as she walked him around, showed him the stalls and their swing out doors to the small turn-outs, the little tack room that doubled as a feed room and an all-purpose room, too. No wide wash-stalls with cross-ties here. It was a humble little stable but, like Adam said, it wasn’t like she was raising a whole herd of horses or in the business of it,  no matter how much she’d love to be.

Still, Hazel was proud of it. She had built the frame with her own two hands, even if a company had finished it, furnished it and given it some pretty little upgrades she might not have put the time into herself. 

“I like it,” he said, his nod shifting the blond curls resting on his broad, muscled shoulders.

“Yeah?” She asked, smiling up at him.

“Yeah! I can see it’s new, no little dents from the day-to-day, can still smell the fresh paint, everything is shiny and unlived in but, it feels like…” he paused, “feels like it’ll be a home. It’s warm; it has heart.”

Hazel laughed softly.

“What?” He asked.

“Sometimes I feel like you’ve got a poet’s soul, cowboy.”

“Aw,” he grunted, and she was pleased to see just a little bit of red in his cheeks as he smiled. “I normally don’t talk this much to people.” He said, then sighed. “Well, I do. I can talk my way into looking comfortable in any size crowd so well, people will think I must be a natural. Truth is, most of the time I’m around people, I’m terrified as hell. What if I say the wrong thing? Is it wrong that I really don’t care that Kenny’s playing a new video game? Am I acting like I do enough so I don’t come off rude as he talks to me about it? Am I maybe being a little spoiled, not wanting to talk to my friend about something he likes or is it okay that I don’t want to? Am I a good person?” He rattled off the questions with a good-humored exaggeration of his worried persona until she was biting down hard into her smile as he did. 

Hazel shook her head and reached out to touch his forearm. He brought his eyes to hers, and his posture relaxed. One of his free hands reached up to cup her face.

“But with you, I feel like I can say exactly what I want to say, and I want you to accept and understand me so bad, and then you do. Or you say something I’ve been thinking, but haven’t managed to put together to make sense of it yet. You just…” he exhaled, and she felt the warmth of it over her lips. He’d sank down closer to her, as if every word pulled them in like magnets. “You scare me, Hazel, but you make me feel more like me than I’ve ever been comfortable with before.” 

And their lips met, her answer a muffled whine, sweet and heartfelt against his tongue. He inhaled sharp, and his hand slipped from her face to pinch into her waist, his other hand flanking her other side. He squeezed hard, harder than he’d meant to as a muscle jumped in his blond hair-dusted forearms and his hold relaxed, just a little. His thick, tall body bullied her back to the wall where she went willingly, just like before.

Her back flattened and his body was quick to push warm and needy against her front. A perfectly placed knee guided her legs apart so he could shuffle in a step closer, pushing the bulge growing between her legs against her thigh. They fell into where they were a week ago in his barn as if no time had passed or location had changed. Adam’s hand pushed up her shirt, calloused hands grazing her soft tummy as they moved upward. His greedy fingers slipped under her bra until they found her left nipple, squeezing it and giving it a slight pull - just enough to make her moan into his mouth and his grin to smear across their kiss.

Hazel pulled her head away to look at him and saw how dark his eyes were. He almost looked like a man possessed, so hungry for her, with so many emotions flooding the surface. She could feel nothing but loved beneath a gaze like that, and with how low her heart had been all week, it was more than she could ask for.

Adam released her left nipple and slipped to cup her right breast instead, wiggling to offer it the same treatment, pushing his mouth hot against hers to muffle another little yelp of pleasure-pain that pulled from her throat when he pinched it. Her hips moved restlessly against him, rubbing his growing, jean-clad cock on her thigh and herself on his sturdy, large thigh. It shoved the stitching of her jeans against her thin little panties, and she gasped shakily when their mouths moved apart.

“Fuck,” he groaned, pulling away to get a good look down at her. His eyes jumped over her face and he smiled, almost in wonder. “C’mere, I want to see you.” His voice husky, gentle. Adam took his fingers out from where he was stretching the elastic of her bra and out of her shirt, pinching the hem instead. He slipped it up her body, eyes meeting hers to make sure it was what she wanted.

Hazel didn’t hesitate. With their eyes locked, she took her shirt from his grasp and ripped it quickly over her head. When his eyes fell greedy to her cleavage she wasted no time twisting an arm behind her back, grasping her bra’s clasp and twisting to pop it free. Adam’s eyes jumped to hers, then back down as she peeled the material away and dropped it at his feet in the barn aisle next to her shirt.

“God damn, Hazel,” he whispered in a hot breath as one hand lifted to lightly hold the weight of her bare breast, his eyes falling from hers, to it. The pad of his thumb skimmed over her teased hard, sensitive nipple and she inhaled a sharp breath. His head of golden curls bent so his mouth could engulf her breast and the flat of his wide tongue could flick back and forth across her little pink nipple.

Hazel bent her head back, eyes on the wood-beams above. Adam’s warm mouth worshipped one breast, then moved to the other to offer it the same treatment. His fingers crawled down to her jeans and tested the loops before turning in toward the button. He slipped it free then lifted his head, and his eyes - dark with need - met hers. The brief moment of pause in the chaos. The one chance to say “Are you sure?” without actually saying the words. As if there was any chance she’d want to go back now. As if there was any chance they could rein in the coming storm their passion felt like it would be.

She nodded, just barely, and a grin curved Adam’s mouth. The zipper of her jeans tugged down with a loud, quick zip, but before he could tug them down, she was prying at the hem of his shirt and pushing it up his thick, warm torso.

“Fair’s fair,” she said as he bent in and tasted the skin of her neck. “I’m shirtless, so you have to be too.”

She could feel his grin against her skin, and he was still smiling as he took his thick fingers off her jeans and stepped back just enough to have the room to strip. “Didn’t realize we had rules,” he teased as he pulled the material up his body and let it fall carelessly to the floor beside them. Hazel’s eyes swept down his handsome face to that broad chest, down the subtle curve of his belly where just an inch of fat hung over his tooled leather belt, and the big, shiny buckle bit into it.

“I like my rule,” she said, reaching to put her hands on his biceps and sliding them up his shoulders. 

“I didn’t say it was a bad rule,” he leaned in to put his mouth in the hollow dip of her neck and taste the skin down to her collar bone. His short beard scratched at her as his kisses turned a little more feverish, and his fingers once again wiggled their way toward her jeans.

This time Hazel didn’t stop him and after only a brief hesitation he tugged the stiff material of her jeans down her hips and thighs, kneeling in front of her and helping her out of her boots. A shiver ran over her body - nearly nude spare her thin, teal panties - as he straightened over her.

“Cold?” He asked in a low voice, and crowded his warm body closer. One of his hands framed her face, his fingertips tracing her jaw. He brought her eyes up to his and gently ran the flat of his thumb over the shape of her lips.

“No,” she whispered as he pulled his hand away. “I just feel… exposed.”

He paused for a minute, glancing over his shoulder toward the open end of the small stable, then back at her. “It’s just us, darlin’.”

“I know, but it’s been a long time since I was in a barn with a cowboy, naked and about to be fucked up against the wall.” 

Adam grinned. “Would it make you feel better if I was just as naked as you?”

“Absolutely.” The word was out of her mouth before she even had time to playfully pretend to think about it. Her eagerness made his grin spread, and he nodded his head before he stepped back and his thumb played at his belt. Her eyes fell down to it just as he tugged it’s clasp free, then left the belt open and dangling as he went for the button on his jeans. Hazel saw it then - the lump that’d grown along his thigh in his Wranglers - and sucked in a sharp breath as he undid the button and tugged the zipper down. He groaned in relief as he released the pressure from his filling cock, and her eyes jerked up to his face to see the way that relief looked there.

Adam’s eyes rolled forward and he pushed his jeans down, one hand flattening on the wall by her head to balance his body as he stepped out of his jeans and boots. He was left looking down at her, his chest rising and falling, green eyes so dark they were nearly black as they pooled over her face. She wondered if his heart was beating as fast as hers was. Surely it was.

His body shifted as he lowered before her, his palms skimming the shape of her body as he knelt. He tilted his head back, gold curls spilling over his broad back, and looked up at her as she tipped her chin to her chest to look down at him. His hands slipped around her hips and into the fat of her ass, squeezing and pushing her toward his face. It brought his Roman nose against her pantyline, and he pushed it harder, exhaling a warm breath over the thin material before he kissed it over her clit. Shivers ran through her body again. Her hands landed on his firm shoulders.

Adam pressed his mouth more firmly against her panties, his tongue testing the material, teasing them as he pushed it between her lips but didn’t give either of them the satisfaction of actually tasting her. The tip swirled around her clit, inspiring more shivers down her thighs. She stuttered on a gasp as she leaned her head back and pushed her hips a little more eagerly toward him. As his mouth teased them both by tasting her through her panties, his fingers released the fat of her ass he’d gripped hard into (likely leaving prints of his hand in her skin) and crawled up toward the elastic of her panties. They curled and he slid them down, pulling his head back enough to pull them free, and she could fill his heavy, thick warm breath against her bare skin.

He leaned in slowly, and that warmth filled more and more of the crevices between her legs and then, languid, he pressed and slipped his tongue from the bottom of her pussy lips to the top, then swirled around and teased her clit. Hazel half-moaned, half-whined as her eyes rolled back and her hips pushed eagerly forward. Adam’s calloused palms slipped back to her ass and held her against his mouth as his feasting became more fervent. His tongue plunged between her folds, his lips latched to her sensitive, raised clit. His fingers gripped, released, and regripped the fat of her ass, pressing the prints of his hands in her skin. He released her clit only for the clever tip of his tongue to flick it back and forth in short, quick strokes, enough to make her take quicker, sharper breaths and release louder, needier moans. Her thighs trembled and he groaned against her pussy, vibrating where she was sensitive and a wet mess of cum and saliva. He held her even more firmly against his mouth and her eyes rolled back, lips hanging open but no sound coming out as she held her breath and reached the inevitable edge…

His tongue slipped off her clit and he pulled back. The air was cold against her pussy. Hazel released a shaking, confused breath and dropped her chin, eyes looking down as he looked up, kneeling between her legs. One of his blond brows was arched, lines wrinkling his forehead. He had a lazy grin, and she nearly felt dizzy when she saw how wet his lips and the beard around them was.

“Oh no, darlin,” he murmured, his voice husky and low as he slowly rose to be that warm shadow over her. “The first time I get you to cum,” his fingers were on her arms, gripping and rubbing up before dipping in and fondling her breasts. His thumbs swiped her raised, needy nipples, “my cock is going to be inside you.” He leaned and pushed his mouth against hers and as their tongues tangled, she tasted herself on him. As he broke their kiss and leaned in to leave a trail along her jaw, his nose in her hair and breath on her ear, he whispered, “I just needed to taste you first.”

One of his hands stayed on her hips, the other reached to shove his boxer-briefs down his hairy thighs. She felt his cock tap her thigh as it sprang free, but didn’t have much time to reflect on how long or thick it’d felt, or even glance down between their bodies to peek. Adam was already shuffling in and, gripping his arms underneath her ass, lifting her up off her feet. Hazel squealed in surprise, her legs forced around his hips as he bullied her back against the wall and used it for further support. She could feel the strength in his biceps as her hands landed on their curve, the muscle tense underneath. Her eyes flew to his and the moment their pupils locked, he slid her down smooth and wet on his cock.

A low moan crawled slowly out of his mouth, pushed inch by inch the more of his cock he sank inside her. Hazel held her breath, feeling the way his girth stretched her, until she was sat sac-deep on top of him. “Adam,” she whined, their gaze had broken when his eyes rolled back in pleasure and they snapped forward - black, not green - and met hers.

“God, Hazel,” his words were tight, his breath stuttered. He readjusted the grip on her body and lifted her up, then sank her back down. His hips pushed in as he carefully lowered her on top of him, enjoying each and every thrust. His eyes rolled back as he shuddered.

Hazel’s hands slid up his arms and around his neck, helping him as his hands gripped the back of her thighs. It was getting harder with sweat smearing over their skin and sticking them together. Her legs jerked with every thrust as they started to grow in speed at an almost reckless pace. He poured moans into her ear, pressing hot breaths into her hair. Those dirty sounds lifted into the tall beam ceiling of the stable and poured out of the open doors at the end of the walkway.

He pressed a kiss against her temple and then stilled, cock buried to the sac inside her. Hazel groaned - God, the way his thick girth stretched her - and rolled her eyes forward, chest heaving with the deep breaths she had to take. 

“I’m going to move us, alright?” He asked in her ear between heavy gasps of his own that stirred her hair.

Hazel nodded, and held a little tighter around his neck, pulling her body toward his as he grunted and moved her off the support of the wall. His cock slipped out of her in the shuffle and she squeezed, instinctively, missing the feeling of him filling her. Using his strong grip, with her legs hanging over his hips, he turned her toward the stalls, moving for the half-door that was still hanging open. It was the last stall she’d bedded down with over a foot of soft, fresh sawdust bedding, and that’s what he slowly lowered her down into, following on his knees. Hazel was amazed at his strength and control, her hands sliding from around his neck and palms pressing down the muscles in his arms.

Adam threw a shadow over her, smiling a lop-sided grin as he pressed his hips toward hers and pried her pussy lips apart with the head of his cock. With a grunt he slid down and pushed in, stretching her around him without enough time passed to grant either of them any sort of sanity. This is where they were now, making love in the stable, only the two of them and no one there to interrupt.

Their eyes locked for a few intimate strokes, her kiss-swollen lips stuck open, with soft little cries falling out of them each time he shoved the head of his cock deep inside her. Leaning down over her, Adam put his weight in one forearm, freeing the other hand to chase down their bodies. His fingers found that already teased little red button and twitched across it as he continued to fill her with his cock. Whether he meant to sync the strokes of his fingers with that of his cock or not, he was soon driving her wild, making her press her head into the give of the stall bedding and her fingers to grab a tight hold on him, wherever she could grab.

“Oh, God, Adam!” she managed to get out between sharp inhales, her brow knitting tight together as the pressure built nearly unbearably high inside her. She was so close...

“MmmHazel,” he groaned near her ear, pleasure undeniable in his stuck-together words. A low breath and then he exhaled a gentle command, “Cum for me, darlin’.”

Another circle of his fingers over her clit, a quick shove in of his cock, and a surprised cry was all that could fly out of her lips before her eyes were rolling and stars burst behind them. Her thighs trembled and clapped his, pressed up under her as they were. Her muscles pulled tight on him, her little cries and the way her fingernails bit into his shoulders more and more evidence to the way he’d driven her wild.

A gentleman, he slowed his thrusts through her pulses, gently rocking with each and clenching his jaw, clearly straining to keep himself from losing it inside her. He slowly pulled his fingers away from her sensitive little button and buried his hand into the gentle give of the sawdust by her head. Hazel’s eyes opened up dazedly on the golden curly haired cowboy above her, and saw his slow, proud smile crawl across his lips. If she wasn’t so out of it, she might’ve grabbed a handful of sawdust to chuck at him for how confident and cocky he looked right then.

“Jesus it took everything not to cum with you,” he murmured, his hips pulling back, then pressing in and starting to slowly fuck her again as he bent and pushed his lips against hers.

“Why didn’t you?” She barely had a voice when their mouths broke apart.

“I’ve been dreaming about being inside you-” he paused to groan as a particular slow stroke of his cock pressing deep inside her felt good “-for months now. Call me greedy, but,” another kiss, and he breathed the last of his words tight across her mouth as he slowly pulled his hips back, “I wanted a little bit more.”

Despite her entire body feeling like it was made out of jelly, Hazel had to agree. She wasn’t ready for their lovemaking to be over, either. Even if she didn’t know how she was even going to manage to stand once they were finally through. Adam readjusted himself, pushing his weight into his hands so he could sit upright between her legs. His palms settled on her wide hips and pinched, pulling her slowly, inch-by-inch off his girth, then tugging her back up. Hazel appreciated the new position, able to look up her naked body at Adam sweating, straining, and grunting as he pulled her up and down his cock. Every thrust made her breasts jerk and she watched his hungry eyes jump from where they were joined, watching his cock buried inside her, to her breasts instead and appreciate how each quick thrust made them move.

One of his hands left her hip and flattened on her soft midsection, thumb settling over her clit. As he circled it, Hazel groaned. She wasn’t sure she could get worked up enough for another orgasm so soon, that last one had been so strong. “Adam…”

That lop-sided grin barely tugged across his mouth again and his thumb left her alone just enough to gently press into her wet, just barely able to wiggle in there with his cock already stretching her. She moaned and he pulled it out quick, returning to her already teased clit. He swept her wet over it, teasing her as he started pounding his cock a little harder and a little faster into her. This time the stroking didn’t match the driving of his hips, but even when she would have sworn he must be close to cumming, he held off, instead continuing to tease her and draw her toward yet another orgasm. Hazel could do absolutely nothing to keep the dam from breaking.

“Adam!” She cried out and jerked over him, her skin slapping his. 

He grunted, still plunging in and out of her, tearing his hand away from her clit. Adam fell back over her, driving his cock inside her in quick, fast thrusts. Only a few inches were pulled out before he was shoved back in, all while she cried and came and twitched, eyes rolled back. She was too sensitive through her orgasm for his fast fucking, and it was just making her cum harder. He grunted, shoved himself sac-deep inside her, and then stilled to stone. 

It didn’t and couldn’t matter the way he had her scrunched and fucked into the layers of sawdust - they were both happy victims to their muscles seizing in their body and electricity rushing through their nerves. Hazel felt the warmth of his cum shooting hard up into her enough to make her cry out when it did. He flooded her cunt, filled her up, and then was a shuddering, almost too-warm weight above her just barely leaning off from crushing her underneath him as they caught their breath.

The last few minutes of their fucking had been so fast-paced, lost in her orgasm, that Hazel’s mind took a few minutes to catch back up. It seemed he did too. 

“That was…” he sighed, blinked and let his green eyes find her face. One of his hands reached up to delicately pluck the sawdust out of her hair, then pushed the lock from where it’d stuck to her face with sweat. His calloused palm fell to gently holding her cheek and Hazel smiled tiredly up at him. She felt at peace. Adam leaned down and softly laid a kiss against her forehead, then slowly one on each cheek, the tip of her nose, and then her lips. He didn’t deepen their kiss, but let it linger in a way that cherished the touch. Only when he broke away from her mouth and their eyes met did he finish the sentence he’d started a little bit ago. “Amazing.”

“Mhmm,” she murmured agreement and leaned up to steal another short kiss, still not able to have enough of him. When their lips broke he sank down, a warmth atop her, and they relaxed again in their joined company for a few quiet minutes. Her fingers traced random circles on his shoulder blades, and he was careful where to lay his weight so he didn’t smother her. He kissed her temple, and gently breathed against her ear. In the distance they heard one of the horses snort.

“We should probably get up and go shower,” he suggested, but didn’t bother moving his body off of her or even pull his slowly wilting cock from where it was still lodged between her legs. “We smell like sweat and sawdust and sex.”

“Sweat, sawdust, and sex. It has a nice ring to it.” She said, but couldn’t help but agree. The longer they lingered in the stall the more the pleasure that’d filled her head was slipping away and the more she could feel the slight uncomfortableness creeping in. The sweat and sawdust now made her skin feel a bit itchy, and she couldn’t deny that she’d appreciate a shower to clean herself of it. “But you’re right,” she sighed and lifted a hand (noticing how many little flakes were stuck on her arm and smiling) to gently run through his blond curls, “a shower would feel nice if I could get up.”

“Come on, come on,” he grunted, slowly pulling himself up from her and gently pulling his still-sensitive cock from between her legs. He reached a hand down to her once he’d stood and lifted her up. A grin split over his face at the shape of her body pressed into the bedding, as did the fact that most of her backside was covered in it. Sweeping a quick hand down her skin he helped shake most of it off, and though she was thoroughly exhausted and satisfied, the caresses of his work-calloused hands still inspired pleasurable shivers.

They gathered their clothes that’d been discarded in the walkway outside the stable, then giggled as they ran like children, hand-in-hand and naked as the day they were born across the yard and into the house.

“Thank God I don’t have any close enough neighbors!” Hazel laughed breathlessly once they were safely inside.

“I bet they would’ve appreciated the sight,” humor in his voice that matched the sparkle in his eyes, Adam was still grinning as he leaned to place a sweet kiss on her forehead, then gently smacked her bare ass with an open palm.

She rolled her eyes, but was still grinning too. 

It was strange that even though this was the first time Adam was in her home, it felt as though he’d been coming here for years. They walked down the hall and to her room, setting their clothes in the laundry basket, then moving for the master bath. Approaching the shower, Hazel turned the handle to start the water, sticking a hand under the stream to test the temperature.

“I wish I wasn’t leaving so early in the morning.” He said, coming up behind her. His hands settled like gentle weights on her hips and he held her there as they waited for the water to warm.

Hazel turned her head to look over at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. “Me neither.” She sighed.

“I could always stay…”

“What about the rodeo?”

Adam rolled his eyes and tugged at her hips, pulling her and turning her around to face him. His arms wrapped lazily around her and he tilted his head, chin to chest as he locked his eyes with hers. A slight frown worried its way across his brow. “I’m already guaranteed a spot in the NFR, I can afford to miss a rodeo.”

She didn’t want to compare him to Matt, she didn’t want to do that when it wasn’t fair to do to Matt… but something in her heart that had been hurt by everything that happened between her and Matt lifted at the honesty in Adam’s tone. Still, as amazing as it was to have him, just thinking of Matt threatened to spread a crack across the dam that held back thoughts she couldn’t afford to let loose while Adam was here. As sure as she was that she and Matt were over, Adam was still his friend and was in his life. Regardless of her relationship with Matt, Adam still had one with him, and they’d complicated that by being together.

Why did the man who spoke to her heart in ways she’d never experienced have to be so close to the man she’d fallen in love with? Why couldn’t he have been some stranger she could run away with and not have to face any problems or think of all the ways she could have handled the situation better?

“You already paid the registry fees and trucked Dolly here,” she said with a smile she didn’t quite feel, but hoped he’d buy. “Go to your rodeo, we can pick another weekend to get together.” Then, she added, “Besides, I want to spend time bonding with my new horse.”

At that, Adam smiled. “Alright, alright.” His thumb gently massaged her hip and he bent to place a sweet kiss on her lips, then again on her forehead. He was full of sweet, sentimental touches. It was as if he had to make up for every moment he wasn’t able to offer romantic affection those months and months they hadn’t gotten to be with one another. Was he making up for lost time? Or could he simply not help but keep reaching for her while she was there in arm’s reach?

“The water’s probably warm enough now,” she murmured, still stuck in the warmth in his soft, green eyes.

“C’mon then darlin’,” he sighed and pulled his arms off of her so she could turn around and step into the shower. “Let’s get cleaned up, put the horses up and get something to eat.”

“Mm, that sounds like a perfect idea,” she agreed as the warm jets of water hit her and began to take the dirt and sweat off her body.

They wouldn’t have much time that evening to spend together. Adam needed to leave before the crack of dawn in order to get to the grounds with enough time to register, unload Dolly in the pens and check which bronc he’d be riding and then prepare accordingly. The way the pair of them functioned together honestly astonished Hazel somewhat. They were in such tandem, it felt like this was the hundredth time Adam had stayed the evening with her at her house.

After dinner they cuddled up on the couch with what little time they had, Carson and Callahan lying in their beds and the television on low on a repeat of a show neither of them were paying much mind to. Instead, Hazel and Adam had taken to giggling and talking among each other, teasing each other as they flowed with ease from topic to topic, avoiding anything too deep or painful and simply enjoying one another’s company. Hazel remembered how Adam had told her it was like she was able to say the things he was thinking before he said them and early on, she realized she felt the same way about him. It was like something in their minds just… clicked.

Like they were always meant to be. They had that inexplicable bond. That once in a lifetime sort of thing that couldn’t be forced. It just was.

Eventually as the night wound down she was lying on his chest, dozing softly off to sleep. On the coffee table a phone started to vibrate with an incoming call. Her phone, in fact, lying face down. It gently moved as the vibrations disturbed it from where it sat.

“You’re getting a call, darlin’.” His soft voice gently ushered. He ran a wide palm up and down her arm to rouse her from falling asleep.

“Mmm,” she sank deeper and kept her eyes shut. It was too warm and peaceful here in his arms to pull herself free. “If it’s important they’ll leave a message.”

He chuckled and she felt it rumble in his chest.

“Well, let’s at least head off to bed then. I have to be up in…” he groaned as he reached to get his phone and check the time, “Ugh. Four hours.”

She made a small noise of complaint that she’d have to move, but let him gently encourage her upward so he could slip out from under her. He leaned in and pulled her up to her feet, reaching to grab her phone and setting it in her hand. Hazel grabbed it as she rubbed her eyes and yawned, clicking the power off on the television and stumbling toward the bedroom. Callahan and Carson hopped up to follow, tails wagging, clearly happy it was bedtime.

Adam flipped her comforters back as they went into the room and only once she was securely snuggled up, phone set face-down on the nightstand nearby did he begin flicking off lights and making a careful path toward the other side of the bed. Carson and Callahan jumped shamelessly up and curled in tight little balls at the end of the bed, warming her feet. She thought of shooing them to their beds on the floor, but Adam babytalked them as he got into bed and leaned to give them both scratches behind the ear as he told them goodnight and finally slipped in beside her. It made her smile and then his warm arm came around her waist and he slid her across the bed toward him.

“Goodnight Hazel,” he whispered against her ear, placing another kiss tenderly on her temple. Hazel hoped that soft, loving touch stayed through her dreams to encourage the very kindest of them and that she’d still feel it when she awoke the next morning.

Hours later - though she wasn’t entirely aware of the time - she was stirred awake by Adam’s soft voice. He wasn’t even in bed with her anymore, but standing bedside, bent over and gently brushing her hair out of her face as he talked to her in hushed tones.

“I have to get going.” Regret colored his tone and through the mental fog brought on by sleep, she barely managed to make a soft, disagreeing groan. It made him chuckle and he leaned down to kiss her forehead. He stayed near enough that she could feel his next breaths warm across her face. “I know, I know. I wish I didn’t need to go either. I’ll call you when I get to the rodeo grounds.”

“Mmkay,” Hazel agreed sleepily, and then groaned. “Daisy needs breakfast…” It was only four in the morning and she could probably wait for a few more hours, but if Adam was going to be taking Dolly out of the stable a flake of hay to keep Daisy distracted at being alone might be kind of nice.

“You just stay sleeping,” Adam hushed her and tucked her in a little more under the blankets, giving her shoulder a soft rub. “I’ll see that Daisy has food and her water bucket is cleaned out before I take off, okay?”

“Mm… mhm.” Her eyelids were already closing despite wanting to keep them open to look at what she could see of him in the dark pre-dawn light of her room.

“Alright,” he laughed and kissed her forehead again. “I’ll call you later darlin’.”

“Mmkay…” she mumbled again into her pillow. “Be safe.”

“I will, promise.”

She listened to the sound of his boots fading away down the hall, then the door jingle before it softly shut and then silence. She meant to listen to every single sound she could catch, even the far away ones out the window. She wanted to hear clear up to the rumble of the truck starting and the sound of tires on gravel, but before she knew it she was already drifting back to sleep. The sheets still smelled like him and she wrapped her arms around the pillow he’d been using and tucked it in close to her body, pressing her face into it and feeling the way her body relaxed with the next breath she took before sleep had her again.

When she awoke she felt confused. “Adam?” She muttered groggily, inhaling and smelling him before she cracked her eyelids open and looked down at the pillow she was still holding on to. She frowned, reaching to rub the sleep from her eyes before the hushed morning came back to her of Adam getting dressed as quietly as he could and giving her a quick goodbye kiss. A smile melted across her lips, thinking of the evening they’d shared. It wasn’t even the sex she thought of first - though that was certainly worth remembering - but the hours after when they’d just shared each other’s company. Even when they hadn’t been talking, Hazel had felt so complete with him.

She shook her head and laughed breathlessly. How long had it been since she���d felt that open with another man? Matt… She sucked in her breath and opened her eyes a little wider. 

She felt open with Matt and comfortable with him, and when he was with her she felt warm and safe and cared for. But those were the good times, not all these painful conversations and lack thereof that had followed. No, the times she was soft and honest with him and he was with her were what she missed. Or when they could be in-person together, or those late night calls where neither of them wanted to hang up and they just started talking about everything and anything, swapping stories and growing closer. Those days the cocky front of Matt Jackson, Rodeo Champion, slipped away and she saw the gentle, caring, sensitive man underneath. Her heart ached swiftly enough that she felt the need to catch her breath. She missed those phone calls. She missed Matt.

Tears stung in her eyes and she cleared her throat and blinked them away. What right did she have to cry? How could she lie here and miss Matt when Adam had been a warm body in her bed not three hours prior?

Rolling over she reached toward her nightstand to grab her phone, turning it over so the screen would light up and show her what time it was. Notification banners for things she’d missed - mainly social media mentions - popped up, as did one for a missed call. She’d nearly forgotten late last night when she’d been just about to fall asleep on Adam that he’d said she was getting a call.

Missed Call: Matt 💗

Her heart sank and she nearly dropped her phone.

New Voicemail: Matt 💗

Hazel stared at the little red bubble indicating the missed message. Every piece of wonderful paradise the last twenty-four hours had been evaporated almost immediately, taken over by guilt. Was he calling to apologize while she was wrapped up peacefully in the arms of one of his closest friends? Attempting to stop her anxious spiral of thoughts, she realized she could be overthinking. The call could be Matt telling her it was time they talked, that he’d taken the week to think about what they’d said and had decided she was right, he just wasn’t ever going to be ready for a relationship. It could be him deciding they needed to give each other a proper goodbye instead of ghosting each other.

Tears burned in her eyes and she told herself again that she had no right to them or to the way her heart felt like it was being slowly, painfully squeezed. She’d spent the night before with her legs wrapped around one of his closest friends, moaning as he filled her with his cum. How could she now be heartbroken over the thought of Matt calling to tell her they should talk and end it all?

But what if… what if he was calling to apologize? What if he was calling to tell her he’d taken the week to think about it and realized he was being foolish and she was right and there was no reason they shouldn’t be in a relationship now?

There was only going to be one way to know what Matt had been wanting to say. 

She looked at the unplayed message, still looking up at her with it’s little red bubble. Her finger hovered over to bring the voicemail screen up where she could begin to play it and found she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t hit play. Not when every breath still drug touches of Adam into her lungs and she could hear his moans fresh in her ears.

**********

“Hey, Adam! When did you get in?” Nick’s voice carried over the crowd as Adam stopped in step, turning to glance over his shoulder as he watched his friend’s approach. He turned to face him and shrugged.

“A little after eleven. I hit the registry table and got caught up talking with Kenny. Haven’t even unloaded Dolly yet.”

“Well that’s good news,” Nick smiled his characteristic large, happy, easy-going grin. He was wearing a dark brown carhartt jacket over his button-up and it reminded Adam he wanted to go back to his truck to grab his. The days were getting chillier and chillier the closer to the winter months they drew.

“Why’s it good news?”

“We kept one of the pens clear by our boys so Dolly would have familiar company. Matt’s been sitting on the fence this morning keeping anyone else from claiming it.”

“I appreciate that.” Adam said with a grin, though he had to fight to keep it through a sudden surge of discomfort that crawled through him at the mention of Matt. He immediately thought of Hazel.

“It’s no problem. I’ll show you where we’re at so you can bring Dolly over. Come on.”

Adam and Nick fell in step beside one another.

“It’s been good for Matt to have something to keep his mind occupied anyways. He’s been getting into conversations with anyone who stops by to see if the pen is clear or not.”

“Oh?” Adam said idly. In truth he didn’t want to know why Matt needed to keep his mind occupied. He had a sneaking suspicion he at least knew somewhat what it might be about.

“Yeah.” Nick said, and there seemed something briefly heavy in the sigh that followed. “But we’re right over here.” He pulled his hand out of his jacket pocket and waved over to where his and Matt’s roping geldings were lounging in one of the temporarily set-up white pipe-fence pens. Beside them was another one, empty and ready for Adam’s mare.

“Hey, Matt, look who I found wandering around the parking lot.” Nick called out as he leaned up against the gate. Immediately his gelding shuffled close, pressing its muzzle into his jacket and whuffing big, warm breaths that made the man giggle. Nick scratched the horse's forehead, ruffling its mane. Adam looked from Nick to Matt or, tried to, but found it was actually hard for him to look at Matt.

His lips pulled in a thin smile he hoped still looked polite and he glanced away. He tried not to notice how troubled Matt’s face looked before he smiled and nodded.

“Morning, Adam. Glad you got here safe.”

“Thanks,” he said and glanced at his boots. “I uh, better go get Dolly.” He said with another tight grin to Nick, hoping no one picked up on how badly he suddenly needed to get away.

As he made for where he’d parked the trailer he found himself getting angry for feeling guilty. Matt never had any trouble with women for as long as Adam had known him. Every rodeo they pulled into it seemed Matt had some pretty little thing hanging off of him and giggling by the end of the night. Adam could be just as lucky too, but all those cute girls with their pretty smiles and admiring stares never really caught his attention. They made him feel nervous and oftentimes the attraction felt empty. 

Then came Hazel, the first woman to make him actually care about something other than his career. Why did Matt have to have eyes for her to? She was beautiful, sure, but she was so much more than that. It wasn’t fair that Matt got to hold on to her like she was something he’d cherish when he got to have any girl he wanted with ease. Plus, he clearly wasn’t doing a good job taking care of her. Adam had felt the way she clung hard onto him when he’d first showed up at her house. And if the tables had been turned and Hazel had asked him if they could date he never would have bookmarked that conversation for later. 

Because the moment Adam had looked in her eyes he’d seen the eyes their future kids would have. The first time their lips had touched he’d sworn he’d heard church bells and the cheers of their loved ones filling the church he married her in.

Adam was sure if he could get Hazel to see how deep their connection was by the time Matt and her talked after the NFR she’d be more in love with him and would tell Matt they wouldn’t work. It was a shitty plan and a shitty thing to do as Matt’s so-called friend, but Adam’s loneliness had made him into something he wasn’t entirely proud of. So be it. He was tired of letting life pass him up because he wanted to do the right thing. No one else seemed to be so worried about doing what was right and they were getting what they wanted. It was finally time for Adam to get what he wanted.

Yet here he was, suffering guilt he hadn’t foreseen. Adam sucked hard at the back of his teeth as he popped the trailer door, carefully unloading Dolly. He rubbed her neck and sighed, deciding he’d do his best to put it all out of his mind that weekend and not act on it. He’d already texted Hazel early on to let her know he’d gotten there safely, and smiled when he got her message back telling him good luck and she’d be watching the live feed of his ride later on.

“That’s what I’ll focus on, eh girl?” He asked Dolly as they made their way toward the pens, her shod hooves gently clipping the dirt and gravel parking lot. Instead of spending his day worrying about how Matt would feel if he found out Adam had slept with Hazel, he’d think about her behind one of the few cameras pointed at the ring. He’d think about her sitting on her couch, cheering him on with her dogs getting hyper at her yelling and starting up a good-natured ruckus.

It made him smile just picturing it.

**********

The rodeo weekend turned out to be a moderate success. He and Nick had run well enough to maintain their leadership spot heading into the NFR, though he’d been distracted and hadn’t done what he knew to be his best. This would be one of the nights he would have talked down about his run just to listen to his friends encourage him with everything he’d done right, or even take their advice if they noticed what he’d missed. He’d refuse to tell them it was because he was preoccupied, but he knew he didn’t need to tell his brother that. After their first run had been less than fluid, Nick’s only words to Matt had been: She hasn’t called yet?

And Matt had felt like he was letting Nick down by having his personal life affect their scores. Still, it wasn’t as if he could help himself. Every waking second was full of Hazel. It was almost torture. He saw her out of the corner of his eyes in the crowd and felt his heart leap and sink all at the same time as he whipped his head to see if he could catch her, only to realize it was someone who just vaguely resembled her.

It’d been wrong to wait an entire week to contact her, but he’d been… Well… He’d been scared. He’d never felt the way he felt for another woman like he did Hazel. He liked women, but not enough to let them take any place in his life beside the rodeo. With Hazel? He was actually considering it. Hell, the way she occupied his mind that weekend she might as well have been there sharing the days with him. 

He’d thought of calling her all week, but the more time passed that she didn’t call him left him wondering if he was making a mistake. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she said he was already hurting her, and how awful that made him feel to know. He didn’t like hurting the people he cared about - the people he loved - even if he hadn’t meant to do so. Maybe her not calling him was supposed to be his hint that she was over what they’d been doing? Maybe it was too late? Maybe he’d already lost her...

But two days ago, late Friday night, he’d finally got up the courage to call her. He’d missed her, and as his heart pounded in his throat and his body felt shaky he listened to the call ring and ring and ring… then click over to voicemail.

When she hadn’t called back right away he assumed she was already asleep and he’d hear from her the next day. Saturday stretched on and on, every time his phone buzzed he jumped thinking it was her, only to feel his heart sink when it wasn’t. He hadn’t been able to sleep. Matt couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this way.

By the end of the second day his patience was worn thin. Hurt was quickly turning to anger, especially when he was so adapted to pushing away these feelings in the first place. She wasn’t even going to call him just to tell him she didn’t want to see him anymore? After all they’d been through? This was why he didn’t date. This was why he didn’t let anything go beyond a night with a pretty girl at a rodeo. This was all the stuff he didn’t want to take his focus away from what was important. This was why he let himself have fun and kissed the women who fawned over him after the show, but didn’t bother to keep their names in his phone.

The fact that his and Nick’s runs had been subpar just proved all those points he’d been telling himself all along. He really didn’t need this kind of bullshit.

Not even a text message?

Neurotic, he did what he’d been doing all weekend and pulled his cellphone out of his pocket, clicking his and Hazel’s last text messages, seeing they were still the old message, then over to the call log to see he still hadn’t missed any calls from her. Still nothing. 

“Hey there, handsome.”

He frowned at the screen, not hearing the voice that’d been practically right in front of him.

“Hellooo?”

His brown eyes jumped over the top of his phone and down at the cute little cowgirl standing in front of him. She had short brown hair tucked under her cowgirl hat and pretty blue-green eyes that glimmered up at him. If his mind wasn’t so preoccupied by Hazel, he might’ve immediately realized that this girl was damn gorgeous and she was looking up at him with a look he knew all too well.

“Sorry,” he laughed dryly and clicked his phone screen back to black, shoving it into his jeans.

“Expecting a call?” She asked, tilting her head.

“Y-” He cleared his throat. “No.”

“Hmm.” She narrowed her eyes like she was trying to decide if she believed him or not. “You sure you’re not waiting on a call? Maybe from a wife or- well… -” His fingers tingled as she gently grasped his hand and turned it, seeing no ring. “A girlfriend?”

She was bold, he’d give her that.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” The words almost hurt to get out when they used to be so smooth to say.

“Really?” She asked, half surprised, half pleased. “Hard to believe a handsome cowboy like you is single. I saw how good you handled that rope earlier…” She’d gently stroked her finger over the back of his right hand she’d been holding. She gave it a little squeeze before she let it go, a small curl of the edge of her lips speaking to a kind of mischief he was usually all too eager to pursue.

“That’s nothing,” he laughed dryly, “That wasn’t my best performance. You should see how good I normally am.” A little bitter sting at his runs this weekend. He knew he was better than that.

“Oh?” She leaned in a little and he could smell her. Vanilla. Sunshine, despite the fact that it was late Sunday night and there were stars twinkling in the sky above. Nothing like Hazel’s warm caramel coffee and fresh baked goods, which he attributed her smelling like because of her coffee shop. He felt a pang of sadness that the woman hanging on his front didn’t smell like Hazel, then decided that was better and took a deeper breath. The more of her he breathed in, the less of Hazel he’d remember.

That’s what he needed right now. This. To remember who he was and why he did this - slept with pretty women at rodeos and didn’t get attached to them - instead of dating. They didn’t know one another, but he felt like the woman he was talking to understood exactly what she was getting into. Or maybe he just wanted to tell himself that so he didn’t feel guilty about what he was going to do next.

Matt turned his hand so he could hold hers instead of her holding his, then he ran his touch up her arm and slipped his warm, calloused palm on her round cheek. He tilted her face toward his and gave her a smile he knew made most girls weak in the knees.

“What’s your name?” The pad of his thumb skimmed her lower lip and his mouth broke gently apart as his eyes fell to trace the touch. She had the prettiest lips… 

“Josie.” She murmured, his thumb staying with the movement.

“Josie,” he repeated, and his smile deepened. “That’s pretty.”

It was getting easier and easier to forget his pain… or so he kept telling himself. Matt leaned in and slipped his thumb away, holding her face as his lips brushed hers. Guilt twisted in his stomach as, behind his closed eyelids, he suddenly saw Hazel’s face and it felt strange, not tasting Hazel as he kissed this woman he didn’t know.

But she leaned up, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck to pull him down closer and their mouths opened, tongues slipping along each other’s and he remembered to stop thinking about Hazel. He kissed Josie harder, dropping his hand to her hip and pulling her tighter against his body. He liked to feel it bounce off his. Surely the more and more turned on he got the more he’d stop thinking about Hazel anyways. He needed to. Hazel had clearly forgotten about him so he needed to forget about her.

She had probably spent the last week with that other guy she’d met. That's why she hadn’t called him back. She was already off with someone else who could be there for her. His fear had become reality.

Matt’s fingers squeezed tighter on Josie’s hips and her excited squeal melted warm in his mouth. A hiss of a laugh out of his nose and he turned them around, flattening her back on the fencepost as he bent his head and kissed her closer. He had to be kissing her hard enough that the coarse hair of his beard was scratching her skin. Her hat had been knocked back and off at their feet, but neither seemed to want to stop long enough to grab it. Matt’s hands slipped from around her hips and dug into the fat of her ass, pressing her even closer to his front. He grunted as she rubbed her leg on his thigh.

“What the fuck is this?” A sudden voice threw ice water over the heat that was stirring up between them.

Matt leaped off her as though touching her burned his hands, turning with wild eyes to see Adam having come around the corner and stopping short, staring at them both. His eyes left Josie and focused on Matt. Why did he look so angry?

“Mind your own business Adam, what the hell do you think this is?” Matt growled and made a conscious decision to step closer to Josie. He didn’t want her to think she’d done anything wrong, so he put a hand back on her hip and pulled her close to him.

“You’re…” Adam shook his head and laughed, but there was no humor in it.

“I’m what?” Now he slipped away from holding onto Josie, turning toward his friend with a frown digging hard across his brow. All the emotions stirred up inside him were leading him somewhere he knew he shouldn’t be. It was like a runaway train and he was helpless to stop it. “Finish your fucking sentence if you’re going to bother interrupting me.”

“You’re fucking unbelievable.” Adam glanced at the woman next to him, then back at Matt. “What about Hazel?”

“What about Hazel, Adam?” Matt scoffed and took a step toward him. “Where do you get off commenting on my relationship? You don’t even know Hazel, and whatever is going on between her and I is between her and I, you understand?”

They’d drawn in close enough that they were nearly standing nose to nose. Matt had never seen Adam this worked up and it made him even angrier to see it. Since when did Adam have any say in Matt’s relationships?

Or maybe it was because everything Adam was saying was a tangible culmination of the guilt he’d been trying to ignore.

Of course, the fact that he’d feel guilt just made him angrier. Hadn’t he said enough when he’d called her? If she’d listened to his voicemail and chosen not to call him that was all the answer he needed. He didn’t need to sit around moping over it. He was a grown adult, Hazel was a grown adult and even though they’d apparently chosen a messy way to end their almost-relationship, it was clearly over.

So again, what gave Adam any right to comment on it? What right did Adam have to be angry with Matt, anyways?

The tense moments crept by in seconds that felt drawn out into minutes.

Adam shook his head and broke eye-contact first, looking down between them as he smiled and sucked at the back of his teeth. “Whatever, Matt.” He turned and walked away and Matt let him, even though his fist was curled at his side and some rage-fueled part of his brain told him it would have felt good to hit Adam for that look. For trying to make him feel guilty for something he didn’t know or understand.

The quiet permeated the small area as Adam left and Matt half expected when he turned around he’d find Josie had made her exit, deciding her attempt to get a hook-up with him wasn’t worth all this personal drama. He couldn’t blame her, really.

“So, who’s Hazel?”

He was surprised when she spoke up, though his shoulders tensed.

“She’s…” he turned and looked at Josie, who had her brow cocked as she looked at him. At some point she’d bent to pick her hat up and dusted it off before setting it back on her head. “It doesn’t matter who she is.” He tried not to pay attention to the little sting on his heart to say it. “She’s not here.”

“I am.” Josie said boldly with a smile, drawing in closer to him.

“Yeah.” Matt turned to face her fully again and put the anger in Adam’s eyes out of his mind along with all the uncertainties and emotions that came with thinking about Hazel. “You are.”

He leaned down and put his mouth back on hers, deciding he was ready to just forget everything and go back to his old ways. It may not have given him the wholeness he’d felt with Hazel, but it hadn’t given him this kind of pain, either.

**********

TEXT FROM: Rosie

Have you listened to it yet?

Hazel read the message on her phone after tugging it from her jeans. She’d just untacked and cooled Daisy down from their ride, giving her a good rub down before she turned her loose in the arena. Hazel bit at her lip and replied.

TEXT TO: Rosie

Not yet…

She knew she needed to. Late Friday evening Matt had called and left a voicemail on her phone which she’d seen Saturday morning after Adam left. She knew she’d needed to listen to it, but every time she clicked her voicemails and prepared herself, she chickened out. She and Adam had talked a little in text and once on the phone, but she hadn’t told him about the missed call. It already seemed wrong enough that Adam knew about her deal with Matt and everything else, but Matt had been kept completely in the dark through the whole thing.

She hadn’t told Adam she’d tuned in to the rodeo’s live stream early enough to catch the tag roping to watch Matt’s runs, either.

Now it was Tuesday afternoon, with the sunset just a few short hours away. Hazel needed to do the adult thing and listen to the message. If it was Matt saying his goodbyes then she needed to accept the reality that was dealt to her that things were really over between them. She and Adam could begin figuring out how they’d eventually be together and maybe, in time, her heart wouldn’t hurt every time she saw or heard from Matt. 

TEXT FROM: Rosie

Babe…

Hazel sighed.

TEXT TO: Rosie

I know, I know.

Rosie had told her days ago to listen to it and had even gone as far as to offer to listen to it for her. Hazel had appreciated it, but she knew she needed to listen to it herself.

She also knew it was wrong of her to have taken this long. She just wasn’t ready to feel the full brunt of the heartbreak she hadn’t anticipated. She hadn’t even meant to fall in love in the first place.

She almost laughed then, realizing that she’d never even told him she was in love with him and now they were probably through.

Hazel drew a breath and leaned on the arena fence, trying not to think about the day she, Matt, his brother and all their friends had all come together to build it. She shook her head and clicked her phone off her text message conversation with Rosie and to her voicemail screen. Right there on top was his unread message, still waiting for her as it had been for days. Hazel clicked it and felt her stomach drop, lifting to hold the phone to her ear.

“Hey, Hazel? It’s Matt. Listen… I…” His voice was heavy. He sighed. “I know our last call didn’t go great and I know me not calling or texting you hasn’t helped. To tell you the truth I’ve been… I’ve been freaked out. I don’t do good when I’m… well, I’m not used to being scared like this. I don’t know when and I don’t know how, but Hazel, I care about you more than I’ve cared about someone in - hell - forever. I care about you like I care about Nick, except not like - he’s my brother and you… well. You get it. Look, I know I’m not making much sense and I’m having trouble figuring out what I’m trying to say. I had it all in my head and kept practicing what I wanted to tell you this whole week. The thing is, Hazel, I think there’s a chance I’m…” He trailed off and her heart beat so fast she felt sick. “Well… I know I don’t have any right to keep asking you to hang on, and I know you’re right, there’s no difference if we date now or if we date later but… I want to do this thing right, you know? When we… Hell...if we decided to be more official. I want to be there for you full-time, not when I’m preoccupied with the rodeo season. Does that make sense? Maybe it doesn’t… I don’t know. I just… all I know is that I miss you, Hazel, and I can’t stop thinking about our last call. Just… listen… if you still want us to maybe work toward something, give me a call back, alright? I know I’m not perfect and I know I’m pretty terrible at this relationship thing and I know you met someone else and I keep thinking it’s pry better for you to have someone who can take care of you right while I keep making all these mistakes but… damnit, Hazel.” His voice had gotten tight and she realized he was fighting off tears. “I think I’m… I think I’m falling in love with you and that scares the shit out of me. You don’t owe me anything, you don’t even have to call me back, but I really, really hope you will.”

The message clicked and Matt’s voice was gone.

Hazel took a sharp, shaky breath that tasted like tears. The vision of Dolly standing in the far corner of the arena blurred as more tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks, cold as they slipped and fell one after the other to the dirt below.

[the-starless-sky]

A Day Off of Loitering and Investigation

A translation of the first chapter of Jujutsu Kaisen’s first light novel “Departing Summer and Returning Autumn” by Akutami Gege and Kitakuni Balad.

A Day Off of Loitering and Investigation

If we are talking about the few “definite things” in this modern day and age, there are only three at best.

That Mito Koumon[1] will win.

That Sazae-san[2] will air on Sunday.

And lastly, that Kugisaki Nobara’s shopping will drag on for a long time.

Because of that, when Kugisaki said, “I want to go see Ame-yoko[3],” Fushiguro had prepared himself for the outing that will surely take a long time. It would probably take around same time as when Gojou suddenly shows up on a Sunday morning and suddenly said, “Megumi, let’s go to Parque Espana[4],”.

What’s out of his prediction was that Itadori wasn’t too keen on going.

He had thought that a television-person like Itadori would show interest in famous spots like Ame-yoko, but he said:

“No, I have some place else I want to go.”

“Oh, that so. Then let’s meet up after.”

And then they all readily move on their own afterwards.

For Fushiguro who had accepted the natural fact that he would get stuck in the middle of Itadori and Kugisaki’s noisiness, it was as surprising as the fact that corbel pieces actually don’t contain that much iron.

Of course, Fushiguro also thought to make use of the situation and move alone.

He’d go home quickly - after all, he wanted to read the continuation of the book he’d bought the other day, and he also wanted to arrange his table’s drawer and his closet.

Even so, Fushiguro is a fundamentally earnest person.

A concern like: “is it alright to let Itadori, Sukuna’s host be?” kept crossing his mind no matter what.

When we’re talking about the area around Ueno and Okachimachi[5], it is a town filled with life and history.

In the hustle-bustle from the post-war market town that continued until modern day, strange ghost stories run rampant and there lies a possibility that not yet active curses are concealing themselves somewhere.

Moreover, it’s Itadori, a person whom if you let go from your sight will suddenly buy a shitty sunglasses, and who had said Tachikawa’s[6] “essentially Shinjuku”.

If Itadori, by chance, got lost and strayed until Chiyoda Ward[7], he’d just think of it as a lucky spot, and take Instagram-able photos in Masakadozuka[8].

That’s the reason why Fushiguro chose to move with Itadori, but... truth to be told, he’s very much regretting it.

“So like, Fushiguro, if you don’t have any interest in Akiba[9], why are you even coming after me?”

“Shut up, don’t think about it.”

“’Kay. I really want to go through all of Akiba at once, y’know.”

“Do you have anything you want to buy? There’s probably nothing but manga, games, and electronics there.”

“Eh, sight-seeing. Shibuya or Shinjuku is also okay, but the Akiba I saw on TV has this otherworldly feeling to it... or, more like, it gave off a theme-park kinda feel?”

“Is it?”

If you live within the metropolitan area, you probably wont feel it, but in truth Akihabara is a strange city.

The atmosphere outside the station is particularly unique. It’s filled with anime culture to the brim as a matter of course, but in any case the amount of information from the advertisements are nasty.

The overflowing signboards with smiling game characters gave the town a theme park-y impression.

If you were to give another example, then it’s the cosplayers that sometimes mix in with the tight crowd. Maids devoting themselves to attracting customers and handing out flyers. And when you think a rare foreign car is going through the streets, for some reason a giant robot’s large scale model is being transported by a truck.

Is it possible to suppress Itadori’s curiosity in such a town? Impossible.

“Darn, Fushiguro. The game centers are lining up like convenient stores.”

“That’s ‘cause it’s Akiba.”

“Darn, Fushiguro. The maid-sans kept coming enthusiastically.”

“That’s ‘cause it’s Akiba.”

“Whoa! Fushiguro! Is that an ecchi game? Isn’t that a billboard for an ecchi game? Uwaah, is it okay, that kind of huge billboard... Oh no, I’m still a minor, will I get scolded?”

“Shut up!”

It’s a fundamentally noisy city, but for Fushiguro, Itadori’s three times noisier.

There’s still a few hours until the meet up with Kugisaki.

If he thought about that, Fushiguro’s head ached. Unknowing of Fushiguro’s feelings, Itadori was nonchalant, without a care in the world.

“I’m glad Fushiguro’s with me. This area’s so messy I’d get lost.

”It’s better than Shinjuku.”

“Don’t force that Tokyo-sense on me. Vending machines where you can use electronic money on every door, Pepper-kun[10] in front of shops, a city on this level’s only Tokyo, you know?”

“No, there really aren’t that much Pepper-kun.”

“In Sendai, you can only see it in ‘Man-made Onsen, Toposu’[11], you know.”

“Don’t pull out local shop names like it’s natural. Where the hell’s that?”

“In super sentou[12].”

“Pepper-kun being in super sentou feels more culturally advanced, ain’t it.”

“Well, well, well, anyways, rather than alone, being together with someone who’s knowledgeable about the area’s definitely more reassuring. I’m still not good with subways even now, after all.”

“There shouldn’t be anyone getting lost around the Yamanote-sen[13].”

“Aah, there it is, the Tokyoite-sense. Naturally coming out like that.”

“In reality, you don’t get lost that much anyways, do you. ‘Cause you went here and there day after day.”

“Ah, Fushiguro. Let’s eat kebab, kebab.”

“Continue the conversation, damn it.”

Fushiguro had felt that Itadori and Gojou’s rhythm are quite similar, but now that he’s by himself talking with only Itadori, that feeling only grew stronger.

After all, conversational catch-ball with Itadori is, at most, on the level of dodge ball. For Gojou, it’s more on the level of hitting-only golf, or a batting center[14].

Come to think of it, today he hasn’t seen Gojou in the dorms nor school. It’s up to him where he wanted to be during his day-off, but now that Fushiguro thought about it, Gojou really is a mystery.

As he thought such things, he let Itadori’s words in through his right ear and out through his left, going into his “gloss over” mode.

After all, it’s on almost the same frequency as the city’s noise, so if he’d just turn off his awareness he could just process it as part of the background, environment noise.

If he were to respond one by one, he’d just get tired. Nobody would tell him off even if he put his brain in energy-conserving mode, anyways.

By the way, speaking from the results, this action of his would end up making his anxiety worsen.

“...Ha?”

When he came to, Itadori was gone.

Fushiguro hurriedly turned his head, and he barely saw someone with red highlight on their hair going into the depths of a game center.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Playing a game. Ah, are you talking about the title?”

“No way in hell, you special grade idiot.”

After climbing to the fourth floor of the thin and vertically long building of the game center, Fushiguro finally found Itadori.

In the fighting game corner, going in deeper. Away from the areas where people who seemed super serious about gaming gathers, in the retro game corner where one credit to play starts from 50 yen, there he was, that Itadori.

Moreover, he’s sitting in front of an especially boring looking game machine.

As he pouted, he explained how he got there to Fushiguro.

“I mean, you know, it’s not realistic wasting hours of time just walking around outside, right. There are a lot of game centers, so I thought, why not.”

“At least say something before steering away to the side.”

“I did.”

“...”

As Fushiguro’s the one who had glossed over Itadori’s conversations, while feeling a little bit awkward he changed the subject.

“By the way, what’s this game?”

“No matter how you see it, it’s ‘Battle Corporation Warrior, Business Fighter’ isn’t it.”

“I won’t know it’s ‘Battle Corporation Warrior, Business Fighter’ no matter how I see it.”

“It’s also my first time seeing it so I’m not really sure, too.”

The game Itadori chose looked extraordinarily boring it’s miraculous.

It seemed like a fighting game, but the characters are mostly old men who looked like company employees, and everyone uses business suits properly that it’s hard to differentiate who’s who.

Even if it only costs 50 yen, Itadori’s resolution to spend money on this game is an amazing thing. Well, if he’s like this then guess he would eat Sukuna’s fingers, imprudently Fushiguro thought.

Without caring about such Fushiguro, Itadori seem to be running as usual.

He’s even looking for a competition.

“On the contrary, I’ll just ask you: you’re not going to play, Fushiguro? It’s a fighting game machine.”

“I don’t want to pay money for that kind of game.”

Even so, a fighting game machine is supposed to be played by fighting another person.

Moreover, to play an already-boring looking game like this alone just feels empty. No matter how much Fushiguro didn’t want to play, Itadori wanted to at least fight with him.

“What the heck, you’re running away? By the way, don’t tell me you’re actually bad at games, Fushiguro? You don’t have any confidence that you could win against me?”

“It’s not confidence I don’t have, it’s the will to play.”

“If you run away here it’d be treated as a loss by default, you know! Are you okay with that!?”

“Do what you like.”

“No, really, please! Then I’ll even pay for your share!”

“Are you serious? ...Sheesh.”

Losing to Itadori’s persistence, who’d even start to talk about paying - or, actually, Fushiguro just don’t want to see Itadori begging like that, so in the end he put in his own money and sat in front of the machine directly opposite to Itadori’s.

No matter what, a fighting game’s of course funner to play with two people.

As he felt deeply grateful for Fushiguro who’d finally relented, Itadori cheerfully started choosing his character.

“Then, I’ll go with ‘Company President Yamada’.”

“...Then I’ll go for ‘Chief Clerk Oosaki’.”

“What, youre going with him, the initial cursor character? Well, I guess he’d be easy to use, so it should fit a beginner like Fushiguro.”

“Didn’t you just say you’ve only seen this game for the first time?”

“Actually, before you got here, I managed to get to the third stage of the arcade mode.”

Anyways, finally the battle starts between the two of them.

“Eat this! The sure-win tactics I devised in fifteen minutes!”

“That’s a hell of a short training.”

Immediately after the battle starts, Itadori used the easy command, ‘Business Card Shuriken’ repeatedly.

The Chief Clerk Oosaki that Fushiguro controlled jumped up to dodge Yamada’s shurikens that comes in an equal intervals, surely approaching the latter. When one thought he’d turn to a strong kick after jumping in, he actually threw Yamada and forced him to the side, as he viciously beat the latter.

“Eh? Huh? Wait, wait, Fushiguro. Isn’t that a a command technique? That’s a command technique, right!?”

“...”

Small punch, small punch, medium kick, medium kick, and to top it off Fushiguro used the ‘overtime gauge’ he managed to fill with the hits, triggering a super special lethal move, ‘Overtime Rage Fist’.

Fushiguro scored a brilliant victory.

“What the hell!? ...Eh, Fushiguro, how could you use special moves? You’re good at this game?”

“No, the command chart is there above the screen.”

“So you’re cheating!”

“You’re actually not that good at games, aren’t you?”

“No, even I could win if I used commands! One more, one more!”

“The heck, this idiot actually put in multiple coins…”

Itadori who had battled it out with Fushiguro for around an hour, still lost in the end.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈« 

They both go down until the first floor’s UFO Catcher corner and bought a cola from the vending machine, engulfed by a sense of emptiness.

The feeling of aftershock left after the heat and enthusiasm cools down look very visible on their faces.

“Aah... why did I even spend 1000 yen on that shitty game...”

Fushiguro looked at Itadori, who’s currently hanging his head, with eyes that look like they’re looking at an idiot.

“If you’re satisfied already, we’re going out. You can kill time in game centers, but they eat your money.”

“That’s true... ah!”

“What? Just because you found another shitty game, I’m not going to play with you anymore.”

“No, that’s not it, Fushiguro, look, look at that!”

Fushiguro reluctantly looked at the direction Itadori pointed with narrowed eyes.

And then, his eyes widened in surprise.

“...Gojou-sensei?”

“Right?”

Truly, on the other end of the two’s sight is Gojou Satoru.

Rather, the only person who would walk inside a dim-lighted game center wearing an all-black clothes with a black blindfold can’t be anyone other than Gojou Satoru - it’s hard to think of anyone else.

“Eh... wait, Fushiguro, what’s Gojou-sensei doing?”

“Isn’t that an UFO Catcher? The ones where you could get snacks from.”

“Why? Is there a person who wanted to eat snacks so much they’d go to a game center alone and play an UFO Catcher by themselves?”

“Don’t ask me, how the hell should I know?”

“Ah, and he’s even giving up!”

“That’s fast.”

As Gojou pouted in discontent, he walked towards the game center exit with swaying steps.

Well, it was a hard to understand action, but perhaps it’s normal coming from a hard to understand person. Fushiguro decided to stop thinking too deeply.

But Itadori just couldn’t do the same.

“Okay, let’s follow him.”

“How’d it come to that?”

Itadori started to follow Gojou who had exited the game center. Fushiguro immediately drank his leftover cola, threw it in the trash can, and followed afterwards.

“I mean, don’t he look like he’s on his off mode? I feel like I don’t know what he’s up to when he’s in holidays or when he’s free.”

“And?”

“Of course we’re going to tail him.”

“Don’t say that so naturally.”

“I mean, in reality, don’t you feel curious, too? Surprisingly I feel like I don’t know Gojou-sensei that well. Of course, if you don’t feel like coming then you can just wait.”

“...”

In any case, despite all the conflicts the two had, they finally decided to tail Gojou together.

Gojou is a dependable teacher and a shaman they respected, for sure.

However, from the eyes of Gojou’s students, his frivolous personality, busyness, appearing in unexpected places at unexpected time, personal history, thoughts, and range of behavior, all point out to him being a man full of mystery. The figure of him nonchalantly walking around town was something you don’t see everyday.

In sum, Fushiguro decided to follow his curiosity.

He’s probably also very mentally exhausted from playing a shitty game with Itadori.

In any case, the two of them started to search for the figure of Gojou they had lost sight of.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈« 

Gojou was, surprisingly, easily found.

“Fushiguro, isn’t that Gojou-sensei?”

“...You’re right.”

The next thing they sighted was Gojou, walking around as he ate crepes.

Looking from the package, it’s from the rather famous crepe shop looking out the main street.

It’s one of those extra ones with cream, tiramisu, macaron, and even chocolate spray.

There it was, the figure of a 190 cm adult walking around as he ate crepes that look like the dreams of all children.

“That’s amazing, Fushiguro. It’s not something you can just do when you feel like doing it.”

“No, you won’t even think of doing it in the first place.”

“Is it some kind of a sorcery training?”

“If you can get stronger by doing that, everyone’s gonna just do it.”

As they keep a steady distance, the two of them tailed the adult chewing on crepes.

Even in the city full of wonders, Akihabara, the sight still look quite out of place.

After he finished eating the crepes, Gojou stopped still in front of a rather old looking store.

“...Vacuum tube specialty store.”

Fushiguro looked at the sign Itadori read with a dubious expression.

After thinking for a while, Gojou stepped into the jumbled-up looking shop.

“He went into a really maniac shop, didn’t he.”

A dubious-looking Fushiguro. On the other hand, Itadori tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“By the way, what is a vacuum tube? I’ve heard that name before, though.”

“It’s an electronic component. The ones you use in old radio or audio player.”

“Is Gojou-sensei an audio maniac?”

“No, he looked like someone who’d just use YouTube to listen to music, don’t he.”

“Aah, yeah, he does have that kind of image.”

As they spoke to each other, Gojou came out of the shore with a paper bag. It seems like he’d bought something.

“Oh no, we’re going to lose him!”

Itadori went after Gojou who had turned into an alley, and Fushiguro followed suit.

They were a little late and lost him for a while, but one minute hadn’t passed and they’ve already found the tall man clad in black in the middle of the crowd.

“There he is, Fushiguro. As expected, Gojou-sensei stand out a lot. He’s huge, after all.”

“He’s around 2 meters, after all.”

“He look like he’s really strong at basketball, don’t he?”

“I can’t imagine him playing basketball at all, though.”

“Relatable.”

As the two came into an agreement, they followed after Gojou’s steps.

Tailing someone while keeping a steady distance in Akihabara’s complicated streets is quite a hard labor.

Because he’s tall, Gojou’s steps are wide and he walks fast, it feels like you’re going to lose him when he drift into the crowd.

Next, Gojou went to a second hand audio shop and rummaged through the paper-jacketed analog recordings.

“Earlier you said some things, but don’t you think he’s actually an audio mania, Fushiguro?”

“No, I’m sure he’s not.”

“But he’s looking at Bach’s recordings!”

“Does he look like he has any interest in classical music? That person?”

“No, he look like he’d listen to alternative rock.”

“See? It’s definitely weird.”

For a while, Gojou rummaged through the recordings exhibited on a wagon, and after buying an old movie’s BGM collection long play record, he left the store.

As they tailed him, Fushiguro became more and more suspicious.

Fushiguro thought that perhaps it’s just them that had different images of Gojou and he’s actually a person with vintage hobbies in his private life, but soon he rethought and ended up with: “Nah, no way.”

After walking a bit unsteadily for a while, Gojou stopped in front of a store with a yellow signboard.

“Fushiguro, what’s that shop?”

“...Capsule toy. It’s the so-called gachapon[15] specialty store.”

“What? A gachapon specialty store? They exists?”

“They exist, that’s why it’s Akiba.”

“That so? Ah, sensei’s pulling a gacha.”

“I really don’t want to see the sight of a teacher I know rolling a 500 yen gacha. ...What kinda gacha is that?”

“Mushroom keychains, right? The real ones.”

“If he’s going to spend 500 yen anyway, couldn’t he just go to a supermarket and buy one?”

“You really don’t understand, huh, Fushiguro. It’s good because you can’t be sure of what you’ll get.”

“I don’t want to understand that in my life time.”

“Ah, sensei’s opening the capsule, I wonder what he got?”

“Looking at the lineup, isn’t it a poisonous mushroom? He looks really frustrated, after all.”

“Buhahahahaha, I guess you can’t eat that!!”

“No, you can’t eat mushrooms that come out of a capsule toy no matter what it is.”

Gojou unwillingly put the keychain in his pocket, and continued to loiter around.

When you thought he went to a computer store just to hold a mouse, he moved into an electronic store and tried on an electronic massager on his shoulder.

And when you thought he’d vanished, he’s suddenly inside a book store, free-reading a manga, and moved into a sideway to look at old games on wagon sale. He moved around according to his interests, wherever he wanted to go.

“...It doesn’t look like he has a specific purpose in mind.”

“Seems so.”

Itadori, now suddenly wearing a strength-measuring goggles toy, replied to Fushiguro’s muttering.

“Where the hell did you buy that?”

“In some second hand shop. I thought Gojou-sensei would be interested since he reads manga, too.”

“You’re really light on your wallet, aren’t you.”

“A man is a creature that uses their money when they think it’s the right time.”

“Was that shitty game earlier also ‘the right time’?”

“Ah, Gojou-sensei went inside a building. No, that’s wrong, I meant his ‘energy’ went inside the building!”

“You don’t have to correct yourself.”

“Oh no, we’re going to lose him. We’re following him, Fushiguro!”

“No, wait.”

“Gueh!”

As Itadori was about to step into the building, Fushiguro pulled his parka’s hood to stop him. It’s a very dangerous act, so don’t imitate him.

“You wanna kill me or something!? What’s wrong, we’re already this far in and you want to stop tailing him halfway?”

“You... don’t you see the building’s signboard?”

“Eh? ...... Eh!?”

Itadori looked up as he was told.

Reading the signboard written in a pop font, his expression turned into that of a flustered one.

――Angel Maid Cafe, “SHOW WARU☆Cupid”[16]

The rather maniac cafe located in the second floor of the building.

No, it’s not like it’s an indecent store or something. It’s an ordinary cafe with maids serving the customers, that’s all.

Even so, for normal people, it’s the kind of shop that needs a lot of courage to go in to. It’s even worse for boys in their puberty.

 “...... As expected this place’s a bit... no, even for Gojou-sensei’s level, this kind of place is really surprising.”

“Hey, his aim is probably this.”

The thing Fushiguro pointed towards was a poster on the wall. It advertised something like: “Authentic French technique! Exquisite pancakes that makes even patissiers groan!”

Indeed, that could be it, Itadori also nodded in agreement.

“This is definitely his aim, for sure. How much sweets is he planning to eat, anyways?”

“When he’s busy, Gojou-sensei tend to eat more sweets like these, after all...”

“Alright, now that the mystery’s solved, let’s stop tailing him. I mean, it’s embarrassing having to go in to a place like this.”

“That’s a clever decision for you.”

“――Welcome, Masters!”

“Eh?”

“Eh?”

A cheerful voice filled with business enthusiasm jumped out from behind them.

It was a veteran maid who had thought of them as - and admittedly they do look the part - ‘customers who are hesitating whether or not to come in to the cafe’ called them out, looking to make them the cafe’s source of income.

That’s right. Neither Itadori’s genius physical senses nor Fushiguro’s polished curse presence-sensing abilities could catch on the maid’s presence.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

‘Did I do something bad in my past life?’, Fushiguro thought.

While looking on in blank surprise, he was pulled into the maid cafe together with Itadori.

As they were brought in, they were made to wear angel wings and halo made of plastic and wire, said to ‘let them feel heaven when they’re here’. Both his outside appearance and his mental condition is dead.

On the other hand... 

“For first-time customers, we recommend the Precious Set - Mellow-mellow A~” [17]

“Eh... I see. Well, I guess for the first time it’s better to just leave it up to the staff. We’ll get two of the Precious Sets. With extra melancholy.”

“Understood, Mastereincarnation☆”[18]

“Eh, what’s with that cool sounding word. Is it German?”

“It’s English☆”

“So it’s English!”

Just like that, Itadori’s already talking normally with the maid.

Naturally cheerful people... or, more like, those with party-people tendencies, and people with positive, bright vibes usually do well in places like this.

On the other hand, earnest-by-nature people like Fushiguro have the most difficulty in situations like this.

Fushiguro could feel his heart dying by the second just by looking at the fact that he’s currently sitting across Itadori, wearing a pair of angel wings and halo.

“And hey, Fushiguro, it’s about the crucial thing, but...”

“What?”

“As expected, seems like sensei’s aim was the pancake.”

“......... Yeah...”

The most important part of this investigation, Gojou, had especially sat down on the seat by the window where you can only see the neighboring building, and has since started his tea time, eating the pancake in grace.

He wore the angel cosplay very naturally as if it was his uniform, yet the way he sipped his cappuccino look like he was from a hard-boiled novel. The way he made himself ‘at home’ was in a different dimension when compared to first-time customers like Itadori and Fushiguro.

On the other hand, even taking into account the fact that Fushiguro is still a beginner, he’s almost on his limit. If he could, he’d leave this place even a second faster.

“Oi. Now that we know Gojou-sensei’s true aim, if you’re satisfied then let’s get out of here.”

“Eeh, but I ordered already.”

“Just pay for it and get out.”

“But it’s not good if the food we ordered go to waste, right?”

“...Well, that’s true, but...”

Fushiguro wanted to leave the cafe even if it meant paying for nothing, but he’s a kind person in nature, so when he’s told something like that, he just couldn’t complain.

On the other hand, his eyes that look like the deepest gulf peeking into the night, started to look duller and duller. Once again, Fushiguro attempted to turn off his awareness.

Numbness is a safety device for the living. He must protect his heart at all costs - or else, it wouldn’t be strange for a curse to be born.

It was a stark contrast to Itadori, who, despite being restless, look like he’s excited to try out an attraction in a theme park.

However, the maid cafe’s true baptism starts from here.

“Here’s Precious Set - Mellow-mellow A~”

The true form of Precious Set that one couldn’t ever guess from the menu at all is actually an ordinary looking omurice[19].

On top of the plate was a panda drawn with ketchup - and, it’s most probably a coincidence, but it look like Panda-senpai so much that Fushiguro’s heart ached.

On the empty spaces in the plate was written words like ‘Precious...! Makes me feel frazzled...!’, but the only one actually frazzled here is Fushiguro.

On the other hand, Itadori’s already completely adapted to the situation.

“Well then, I’m going to ask for Masters to add on even more melancholy on the dish~”

“What should I do to add on the melancholy?”

“Please tell me one precious, melancholic, and emotionally moving scene from your favorite anime! If you can make me feel melancholic without telling me the title, you pass~”

“Eeh. Dang, it’s kinda hard to choose. ...Ah, then that one where the main character is a boy who really admires heroes.”

“Me too, I watch that, too. It’s one of my favorites~”

“There’s this character with an inferiority complex towards his father... and then there’s the scene where he remembered that he wanted to become a hero, and he finally used the ‘left hand’ that he never used. I like that one.”

“Ah~ That’s a definitive episode, that one. But the scene choice is too cliche, so try another one!”

“Ah, then another anime. The main character lives in the ninja village. At first he got ostracized by his friends, but then he grew up and there’s this scene where he’s finally recognized as a proper ninja and got tossed up high in the air by his comrades...”

“Ah~ that’s a really emotional scene, isn’t it~”

“And the part where the teacher, who was his only ally, looked at him and got moved to tears... it’s definitely something you can’t miss.”

“Ah~ you’re going in really on point, aren’t you~”

“The part where they said, ‘Right now, there’s a hero in front of me’, right?”

“I understand, I understand so well~~~~ That’s super extra melancholic, and because I feel hit right on the heart should I add on a topping for you?”

“Ah, so it’s that kind of system?”

“It’s a 400 yen a la carte menu, ‘Melancholy Potato’ add-on~”

“Wahh, that makes no sense――! So much carbohydrate!”

“Well then, let’s say it together: Emo――i!”[20]

“Emo――i!”

In a rather messy fashion, the potato was added on on top of the plate.

It’s definitely got that ‘refrigerated food’ feel, but it seems for an a la carte it goes for 400 yen. When you’re having fun you stop caring about such things, but Fushiguro was so bothered he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help but to get bothered about various things.

And when he thought so, the tip of the blade is now aimed at him.

“This Master, too, together~!”

“Come on, Fushiguro, there’s topping there, too!”

“Okay, e――moi!”

“E――moi!”

“...”

Fushiguro didn’t reply. However, the event continued.

“Well, now that we have added on the topping, let’s take a cheki[21] with the dish. Okay, come closer, come closer~”

“Eh, there’s that kind of thing in this cafe?”

“Because it’s the Preciouse Set.”

“Heeh, I don’t understand at all but I see!”

“There’s this heavenly-feel, right?

“I dunno, is there? Might be.”

“...”

“Well then, excuse me for sitting beside you~”

“Eh, aren’t you too close? I’m a bit embarrassed about these kinds of things.”

“You have to experience this kind of embarrassment to be an adult, you know~”

“Is that true?”

“Yup, it is~ Here goes, cheki☆”

“Che-cheki!”

“...”

“Thank you very much~”

“Oh darn, this is so embarrasing! Wah, my face’s so hot! It feels like I just paid off a really important thing! Am I okay? I’m still a minor!”

“Kyaa~ You’re so innocent it’s cute~ Well then, the Master over there, let’s go.”

“After all, the type of closeness is different to that of a folk dance. Fushiguro, be careful! You’ll get embarrassed! Super embarrassed!”

“Please prepare for taking the cheki~!”

“Fushiguro, it’s gonna start.”

“........................ No.”

Echoed a fragile, feeble, delicate voice like that of a dying duck.

“............ I’m......... okay......”

Fushiguro has finally reached his limits.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈« 

“Aah, I unexpectedly ate a lot. But the taste’s kind of ordinary, wasn’t it.”

“The inside of my mouth’s dried because of all the potatoes.”

Thirty minutes passed.

Fushiguro and Itadori safely got out of heaven that took 500 yen to go in to.

“Fushiguro, I got the cheki we took earlier, you want it?”

“The next time you joke like that, I’m going to jam in paprika up your nose.”

“Isn’t it just something you don’t like! No, I understand, I understand that’s the limit to your harassment!”

“There’s a temple near Kanda. We’re going to burn the photos there.”

“Does it have to be in a temple!?”

“The only thing to do to cursed pictures is burning it for offering.”

“I’m sorry, okay! I didn’t know you were in that much pain!”

From Itadori’s perspective, Fushiguro always looked like he’s in a bad mood, but today, once again he got a look at ‘an actually angry Fushiguro’.

Now that it’s become like this, even Itadori couldn’t get into his usual rhythm.

A bit awkwardly, he thought of how to continue the conversation as he scratched his cheek - and then finally he decided to go back to the start of everything.

“B-by the way, in the end we lost Gojou-sensei, huh.”

“Yeah, but who cares about that.”

“Wa-waah, I wonder where he went......”

“What’s this about me?”

““Uwaaaaah!?””

The person who stepped into their somewhat awkward atmosphere in a suprising timing was Gojou, appearing from behind them.

Moreover――

“Go-Gojou-sensei! Since when were you behind us...... huh? Kugisaki’s here, too? Why?”

“Don’t ‘why’ me, you ass.”

Behind Gojou, Kugisaki shows up in a bad mood... or rather, full of malice and resentment.

For Itadori, it would be that another angry classmate shows up.

“Eeh... Even Kugisaki’s in a bad mood.”

“Of course I’d be. Because you guys loitered around Gojou-sensei, we...”

“Oh, come to think of it, Gojou-sensei, is it your day off today?”

“Don’t ignore me, you!”

Sensing that Kugisaki would complain in a more assertive fashion than Fushiguro, Itadori quite bluntly changed the subject.

Although, in the end, the subject didn’t change.

“No, I’m working as usual.”

“Eh? But you ate crepes and walked around town...”

“If you’re as busy as me, you wouldn’t have time to walk around town and making rediscoveries if not as you work, y’know. I might look like that but I’m actually doing my job.”

“And that is?”

“Looking for a dungeon.”

“...... Dungeon?”

“To use a different term, I’m looking for a nice cursed spot that could be used by the first years to acquire experience. In other words, I’m doing preliminary inspection.”

“.........Yes?”

The memories from when he’d first transferred to the Curse Technical College resurfaced on the back of Itadori’s mind.

That day, they were going to sight-see Tokyo, but in the end they had to participate in a curse exorcism recreation in an abandoned building.

Gojou continued indifferently.

“That maid cafe’s neighboring building’s mostly empty of tenants, but a strange rumor seems to have shown up on the internet, you see. And, because of the old record shop with quite a long history rented the place, the curse story’s credibility went up.”

“Ahh, that’s why you kept looking at the window despite there being nothing to see but the building.”

“Then, this is supposed to be a task for another day, but in a happy coincidence, the three first years are all present, so... ‘This is nice, I’ll just have them challenge it today!’, I thought.”

“Eh... eh!?”

“Don’t worry. I’ve moved around the amp abandoned in the building, played recordings like what’s written on the rumors, and other stuff to provoke the cursed spirit. So, you guys will be able to meet a very lively cursed spirit no problem!”

“......... Eeh...”

Itadori immediately moved his gaze towards Kugisaki.

He finally understood the reason for her face full of resentment.

In contrast, Fushiguro looked sharp and firm.

“Alright, we’re going.”

“Wh-why are you so eager!?”

“I feel much better doing this than going to a game center or a maid cafe.”

“Eh, what, you guys went to a maid cafe? Forget Itadori, but you too, Fushiguro? You look composed but you’re actually a lecher, huh, all of you!”

“It was inevitable.”

“What do you mean, forget about me!?”

“Who cares, let’s go.”

“That’s why I’m asking, why are you already in battle mode, Fushiguro!?”

“’Cause Megumi didn’t get the chance to show his abilities in the abandoned building the other day, he’s still all about it.”

“I’m not all about that.”

“No, your face clearly looks like you’re all about it.”

“You’re actually the type to hold a grudge for a long time, aren’t you.”

“Well then everyone, be careful on the way. I’m going to go eat age-manjuu[16].”

“You’re still going to eat!?”

“Let’s just go.”

“Don’t ‘let’s go’ me! Shit, good bye, my day off――――!”

“My Ame-yoko―――!”

From a day off gone wrong, being able to get in touch with a shaman’s ‘usual atmosphere’ helped Fushiguro recover quite a bit.

On the other hand, there are Itadori who had his satisfying holiday cut off, and Kugisaki who’d missed eating Ame-yoko’s specialty, Hyakka-en’s fruits[22].

Gojou saw off the three, noisily heading to exorcise the cursed spirit, with his usual light smile.

“Hm?”

Something fell off from Itadori’s pocket. What is it? Gojou tilted his head in question as he picked it up.

And the next moment, he burst into a laugh.

“Mm, hahahahahahahahahaha!”

Gojou couldn’t stop laughing as the image leapt into his sight.

“Ku, kukuku......... Aren’t they actually having the time of their life, those youngsters.”

80% of his smile was due to the strangeness.

20% of it was due to the pleasantness.

It was said that for some time, Gojou laughed with the picture of Itadori and Fushiguro with a maid wearing angel wings in hand.

Megumi-sama ♥ ♥ Please come again!!

Notes

(p.s. I'm not very sure about some of these, please do tell me if I got anything wrong.)

[1] Mito Koumon is the titular character (also a real person, his other name is Tokugawa Mitsukuni) of a period drama. Each episode always end with Mito Koumon, in a disguise, winning in a brawl against bad guys.

[2] Sazae-san is the name of an anime that has aired every Sunday since 1946 in Japan.

[3] Ame-yoko is an area in Tokyo famous for its shopping districts.

[4] Parque Espana is a Spanish theme park in Japan.

[5] Ueno and Okachimachi is also area in Tokyo.

[6] Tachikawa is a town in Okachimachi.

[7] Chiyoda ward is a special ward located in central Tokyo.

[8] Masakadozuka is the tomb of a beheaded hero.

[9] Akiba is the short term for Akihabara.

[10] Pepper-kun is a really famous robot from Japan.

[11] Onsen is a hot spring.

[12] Super sentou: sentou means a public bath, but in super sentou they have much more facilities than a simple bath, like sweets shops, terrace, and rest areas.

[13] Yamanote-sen is a railway loop line in Tokyo. It goes through famous places like Shibuya, Shinjuku, and Ikebukuro.

[14] It's a place with a ball machine (like Mechamaru during the baseball event) that you use to just... hit balls with a bat.

[15] That small machine you put in money and roll to get some surprises. Some of them are really expensive...

[16] SHOW悪 is, I think, a pun on 性悪 (shouwaru) = ill-natured.

[17] 尊みセット・エモエモ A. I'm not sure how to translate this (this whole maid cafe sequence is giving me a headache), but 尊い (toutoi) means precious. It's usually an otaku language when one talks about their favorite characters. エモ (emo or emoi) means emotional or melancholic. It's also usually used as an otaku language.

[18] かしこまリィンカネーション☆　= Understood-reincarnation. How am I supposed to make this work.

[19] Omelette rice.

[20] I give up. It's emoi. It's just emoi.

[21] Cheki is those polaroid pictures you take with idols, usually.

[22] Hyakka-en is a fruit store that's apparently very famous. Kind of expensive (but fruits are expensive in general in Japan), and for older fruits they chop it up and place it on a stick.

Honestly the novel is a treasure chest full of cute moments and amazing characterization information. I really love it - it’s probably my best buy. If you love Jujutsu Kaisen, you should really buy the book!

By the way, they’re going to release a second light novel soon.

[atopearth]

Kissed by the Baddest Bidder Part 1 - Eisuke Ichinomiya Route (up to Proposal Epilogue)

This is my next guilty pleasure game lolol. Honestly, the premise of the heroine getting sold in an auction and being bought/saved by one of the dodgy rich guys makes it a dubious premise, but I love this kinda "trash"🤣 Eisuke seems like one of the most popular Voltage guys so I do want to see him in sequels haha, and yes, I already played the main story since it was free on the app, but I've kinda forgotten it, so I'll refresh my memory by playing it on the Switch again haha. I also bought My Forged Wedding and Our Two Bedroom Story so yay, more to come~ hahaha. I hope to also buy Scandal in the Spotlight and Kings of Paradise (when it comes out and goes on sale XD) when I'm done with others so yep, lots of Voltage stuff coming I guess hahaha.

I always feel sorry for the heroine that Eisuke makes her run to him within 5 minutes when he calls her, like dudeee, that's ridiculous. Anyway, it's nice that he's teaching her stuff so she's not just his toy to use. I remember finding it hilarious how Eisuke planned to use Soryu as the next "sacrifice" from the beginning and have Carolina fall in love with him instead🤣 She's very tame and silly for an Italian mafia boss' daughter but I guess we should feel blessed about that lol. Even though a lot of the things Eisuke does is questionable, it's nice to know that his reason for being involved in all this underground stuff is because he's searching for his little sister that he got separated from when their parents passed away and they were adopted by different families. It's interesting to think that Eisuke wasn't born a rich boy and actually worked very hard to get where he is now in repayment to the Ichinomiya family but also because I'm sure all this power helps him get more connections to hopefully find his sister one day. I think it's really cute how much he's opening up to the heroine now, but I kinda feel sorry for her in a sense that when Takahiro (her boss) and her finally have a nice thing going on, she's falling for Eisuke.

To be honest, their "love" is rather questionable considering how it's mostly just the heroine listening to everything he says, caring about him, whilst he uses her for what he needs to do and then kinda warms up to the idea of her staying with him and enjoys it. I mean, he barely let her go out and always called her back for trivial things lol. So yeah, even though he's "nice", I find it difficult to accept him, but I guess hopefully the sequels might change that since there's so many haha. I appreciate him trying to protect her though, it's nice to see those rare moments he shows how much he cares about her. I have to say though, that dramatic ending where the heroine picks between Takahiro and Eisuke is so... weird lol, kinda cringy loll. Anyway, let's see His PoV! Honestly, His PoV was nice but doesn't really add that much to what we already knew tbh, like I guess you can see his thought process for the important events, but yeah doesn't really feel like I read anything haha. The epilogue was nice mainly because he FINALLY got rid of all his groupies, like geez, took him a while considering his intolerance for such women who follow him around all the time lol, but the highlight was definitely the heroine getting him to honestly tell her that he loves her. I think it really helps how she always voices to Eisuke what is important to her, and he in turn understands that it's important to her so he listens and reciprocates, it's pretty sweet.

I'm glad Eisuke found his sister in the Season 1 Sequel. Yukari is so cute. I thought it was really nice how the heroine understood how much Eisuke cherished the possibility of meeting his sister again, so if he's rejecting meeting her then there must be a good reason for it. It's pretty dramatic how Eisuke ended up having to save Yukari's husband's father and their wedding in order to have the father have a better opinion of him lol. I'm just happy that Eisuke doesn't have to force himself and lie about his feelings towards finding his sister again and stuff tbh, but it was kinda sad how Eisuke really didn't look for the heroine for days when she "left" him due to not being able to understand his attitude towards Yukari before everything was resolved. I have to agree with the heroine though, Eisuke is just really stubborn about not showing his feelings, but I guess he's getting better at it with the heroine so it's all good lol. I kinda find it cute how Baba was the one to tell the heroine how much Eisuke cares for her, I guess all the guys will get a chance to cheer her up and tell her different sides of him?🥲 It was cute how they visited Yukari's new home and thought about marriage~ Lmao at Eisuke just building a hotel in Dubai because her dart fell on it.

Ooh so, S2 revolves around Dubai~ Gotta feel sorry for the heroine that she nearly got killed for trespassing when it wasn't even her fault. But now she's forced to work at the Dubai hotel as a sort of "punishment" and to let her go from her crime lol. Gotta love how Eisuke just bought an island to live on here lol. Aww, it took a long time, but it's actually really cute how soft Eisuke is with the heroine. I also really like how he's pretty open with their relationship to the others. Do a lot of Japanese people really hate green peas?? I find it so funny that a lot of characters hate green peas, but I guess it's more seen as a "childish" thing haha. So yeah, seeing Eisuke try to say he hates green peas in a prideful way was adorable to say the least. Anyway, Hishikura is quiteeee dodgy and weird lol, why does he want to be an auction manager though, does that help him become the future prime minister?🤔 And I found it so silly the way the heroine "won" Hishikura and left him, like shouldn't the first thing Eisuke and them thought of was the fact that this was an illegitimate auction bid when the product (heroine) was obviously not the dancing girl that was supposed to be sold?? Why did we have to waste so much time on something so simply solved just like that?? Honestly though, I'm sure Hishikura could have made some other excuse though, but still, could they have not resolved it better and had a better reason to allow Hishikura be a part of the gang? Lol.

Sometimes I think I underestimate how much Eisuke likes the heroine, because wow, to protect her, he's willing to let people think he's "running away" from Dubai and all the troubles there, and I guess last time with Hishikura, he made it pretty obvious how important she was to him. Like, Kishi and Soryu being bodyguards for the heroine are understandable (but honestly a waste of their time lol) but I'm not sure if Hishikura, Ota and Baba are very good lol. Anyway, trust Eisuke to propose in such an unromantic way loll. Full just gave her the papers and told her to sign it loll. Anyway, I'm surprised they never had a hotel branch in London, but it doesn't matter since Eisuke can build wherever he likes lol. Wow, like I know Eisuke is selfish and the heroine is very accommodating, but I'm surprised she wasn't mad or even annoyed at all that Eisuke just took back the "proposal" and said nah, not getting married anymore since it's unnecessary. Like excuse me??? And the way the heroine knows he loves her is always just through sex lol, like c'mon heroine, sure he shows his love in many ways, but his attitude still annoys me a lot lol, it really is as if marriage is nothing to him and the heroine hasn't even told him that it's special to her because she'll become his wife. Honestly, he probably said it so she wouldn't feel pressured about it anymore (since she was undecided) but still.

Well, I was going to say Frank and his butler are kinda cute but dang lol, getting revenge for something that happened in middle school that was your own fault is pretty petty of Frank. I'll admit that Eisuke being up for auction and the heroine being auctioneer was pretty fun and interesting haha. Especially when she just started revealing everything about him to the crowd lol, but I guess that way she was able to show how deep her feelings were for him and how much she wanted them to be family instead of him just distancing himself from others and her. I'm so happy Eisuke finally proposed properly and said she'll be his family~~ Anyway, I'm disappointed that they didn't allude anything about Eisuke and London (aside from this Frank guy) when I think it would have been fun to see more about Eisuke's life back in the day instead of a random villain. For once, it was nice to see Eisuke's PoV to the marriage thing. So he suggested marriage to the heroine because he wanted to give her financial security just in case anything happened to him, and he wanted to do it in a way where she wouldn't be scrutinised by the public eye, and that's why he wanted her to be his wife so that everything would "look proper" to others. I guess I can see why he was so shocked and sad when she didn't immediately accept him haha. It was nice seeing Eisuke realise his mistake in saying he wanted to the marry the heroine but in the same breath say he didn't need a family, and understand that this was why the heroine was so hesitant. It was really nice to see Eisuke grow and straightforwardly ask Akira (his dad) why did he adopt him and whether he only cares about him because he has a talent for business. Seeing Eisuke face things he usually avoids because of the heroine's support and love makes me happy for him.

Okay, the DLCs (Scattered Cards onwards) on the Switch are too expensive so I'm not going to buy them right now hahaha😅 Overall, I'm not a fan of Eisuke tbh. He definitely got much better over the course of the seasons, but from the heroine's perspective alone, he is a bit frustrating lol, but at the same time, I'd say the same for the heroine for how silly she is lol so I guess they fit well. I think what I'm most disappointed in though is that the premise itself is really just the premise and nothing really "evolves" from it, because the following stories are really just the guys expanding the hotel and dealing with people trying to wreck that rather than stuff about auctions and bidding? I did enjoy Eisuke reuniting with his sister and learning more about how he views family, and then having the heroine make him realise that he does crave family warmth and other things, he just tries to hide it with his bad attitude lol. But yeah, otherwise Eisuke is not bad, just not my type lol, and the stories are rather cliche and bad at some points so yeah, I'd say the plot suffers more than his attitude does for me.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Gasoline (Favored Ones, Part 20.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Quote for the chapter:  “And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder. One of the four beasts saying, 'Come and see.' and I saw, and behold a white horse.” - Johnny Cash

Part summary: When you arrived to Seattle, it was becoming more and more apparent that the things won’t go as planned at all. Especially when you had Tommy slipping between your fingers.

A/N: So, we’re slowly getting to the more important stuff. How you guys feel about it? 

Warnings: Mentions of blood, torture, killing, infected, mentions of WLF, angst, arguments, cuss words. 

Word count: 6.7K

Tagging: @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​​ @peakymarvels​​ @davnwillcome​ @pickleriiick​ @jodiereedus22​ @gladiosamicitias​ @tamkashi​ @eternallyvenus​ @avengerssstuff​ @fangirl-inthe-us​ @avery-miller​ @mikah-writes​ @mad-hatter-98​ @sadiaafrin99​ @flavorishy​ @mr-robot-x​

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Youtube playlists: JACKSON DAYS | SEATTLE DAYS

Seattle, day first - morning:

The journey to Seattle wasn't as long as you expected it to be. It was barely two days on horseback - if you wouldn't get lost so much. Ellie proclaimed herself the leader of your group and well, it was what it was, he sense for orientation was bat shit bad. You've spent five days in total on the road - and given that you had to hunt and prepare some safe sleeping places, you were quite quick for a group of four people. Hunting was usually Joel and Ellie's thing - he was good with the bow, which you knew perfectly and Ellie learned how to hunt during a winter when she was with Joel.

Joel was a man of many secrets and some wild past, you've known that, but you thought that maybe, Joel just taught the girl how to hunt. Neither of them told you otherwise - that Joel was in pain, high fever with his hip drilled through with iron support protruding out of the ground. You didn't know many things, in fact - you still didn't have an idea that Ellie is immune to the Cordyceps fungus. Sure, you knew all about the chemical burn, tattoo, and once, when she was drunk, she told you about how Joel had to lead her to the Fireflies through half of the United States. Why? She didn't tell you. She just mentioned she was supposed to die there because of some vaccine - you didn't know for what. Sure, logically, you knew that shes talking about the fungus infection, but you never thought about it that much.

You've never asked her. Maybe it was some different decease? Maybe not? But you've never asked her about fungus and infected.

Anyway, while Joel and Ellie set on an evening hunt every day once you found a good spot, you and Dina made sure to check the spot for supplies, to secure the place, take care of the horses and to prepare the sleeping area. Against your wildest expectations, it was quite nice to have them around. You meant such close people whom you saw as members of your family. The old man and Ellie got along pretty well in the end - as far as it came to work and surviving, Joel and Ellie were an excellent team. While these two were the main characters of your group, you and Dina tended to stay put and to follow instructions these two gave you. Sure, you two were enough of a pain in the asses and characters as well, but there wasn't any need for you to express so far.

Nighttime patrols were sure a necessity - so you made pairs. Usually, you had the first patrol with Ellie to check on the surroundings, on which you played card games, and told each other dumb jokes, and Joel with Dina took your place shortly after midnight. So far, it didn't even seem like a revenge trip - it was more of a family-only secluded trip. But as soon as you saw the first cars on 99 leading in the direction of Seattle, you realized how close to the city you were.

What if the WLFs won't be there anymore? What if you'd come late? What if they will be there and you'll find them? How could you be sure that you'll find every person who was at the Baldwin mansion? How long will it take? And how high was the probability of all of you surviving? With a sigh, you tightened your arms around Joel's waist gently, leaning your cheek to his back as you watched the woods and wildlife around you.

"You good?" - Joel asked, quickly glancing at you over the shoulder. You picked your head up, looking at the highway in front of you.

"Yea, I'm fine. I'm just a bit tired, I guess. Hadn't slept much last night." - And it was true - you couldn't fall asleep properly because of the storm raging outside. Bolts of lightning were flashing behind the windows, thunders were shaking the ground and even if you were safe inside the sleeping bag, laying just a few meters from the fireplace, you couldn't fall asleep for shit. Dina, on the other hand, slept on the other side like a newborn baby with a small grin on her face.

"Some nightmares? Your leg? What's goin' on?" - Joel asked and you caught Joel's side tightly when Sadie jumped off of a small edge. While you had this serious conversation, Dina and Ellie were grinning and snickering as they rode at least ten meters in front of you. You grinned at Joel's caring mood, shaking your head after a small moment. - "Hey, you can tell me, you know that, rite?" - The man asked you after a moment of silence.

Sure, you could tell him that the proximity of the city is what is making you nervous, but all you'd get back is a question 'Are you sure that you wanna do this, baby girl?'. And with that, you didn't want to be bothered with. You could describe him the wild dreams you were having about Abby and the other WLFs and how much it was intensifying in the last few days as Seattle got closer. But Tommy was out there. Sure, Joel would agree to turn Sadie back to Jackson, but... His brother was in Washington city. Somewhere out there, alone and possibly dead or taken captive. Joel would go back for you, but you'd tear him apart if you'd make him choose between you and Tommy. At this moment, it was less complicated, because you wanted to find and save Tommy.

"Maybe I would sleep better if you'd come and cuddle me tonight, just a bit, huh?" - You grinned, running your tongue along your lips as you straightened, putting your chin on his shoulder as you watched the profile of his face while Joel kept his eyes on the road. But he let the rein go with one palm to smooth your thigh. And you'd be lying if you'd be telling that your sensitive spot didn't throb at that bit of human contact.

"That's exactly why we don't have patrols together, baby girl." - The man said and put his hand back on Sadie's rein, making her fasten up a bit. At that, you scoffed, mumbling a quiet 'funny'.

"Hey, let's turn to the woods here. Seems like a road and we'll see when it takes us, what do you say?" - Ellie cried in your direction suddenly. The man turned your horse to follow Shimmer and the girls. Both horses needed some rest as soon as possible - the road was long and tricky at times, plus they had to carry two people and their stuff on their back, so the poor animals were tired enough already. The whole group hoped that as soon as you'll ride into the town, there won't be such big need to use the horseback - and you'd be extremely lucky, you'd find some refuge to hide at, where you could make the animals rest a bit as well.

Yet instead of the city, everything you've been greeted with when you arrived in front of the entering Seattle, was a long wide wall with white graffiti on it, saying 'WLF - trespassers killed on sight'. Well, that was great. Joel stopped your horse next to Shimmer, looking at Ellie, who's eyes were already flying all over the place as she looked for a back door.

"Okay, okay. I see something. So, Joel, will you come with me? Y/N and Dina can search through the buildings here and take care of the horses while we figure it out." - The girl asked everyone. Dina opened up her mouth with a furrow, getting ready to oppose Ellie, so you spoke out before the girl. - "Great plan. You two take care of the passage, we'll look around." - You agreed with the girl, already jumping off Sadie's back. Slowly, you petted her neck and took the reins from Joel, watching the man getting down as well.

"You two be careful." - Dina sighed, smoothing Ellie's shoulder before taking Shimmer away as well. You did exactly what you told them you'll be doing. Neither of you could see the man or Ellie, but you still could hear them bickering, so you knew they're alright. Dina seemed to be the ideal person for you to confess about your fears. Joel would turn the house around in instant, Ellie would rant about the whole revenge thing. - "Spill the tea, honey. I know something's bothering you ever since you got up." - The girl asked you as she went through some unlocked wardrobes, taking a look at old work overalls.

"This will sound weird," - "Babe, you've already told me a shit ton of weird stuff and now, when I would be worried about you if you wouldn't be scared, ou think you're too weird?" - The girl answered as you went through some old WLF documents scattered around the tables.

"The closer to Abby we get, the more my heart wants to see Abby suffer, I can't sleep, all I think about is her. I want her to hurt the way I did. But my head... I think this is all a bad idea." - A whisper left you as you watched Ellie climb on the upper side of the gate, Joel being under her to catch her is shed be falling. They were still bickering and yelling stuff at one another, so you knew they're just fine.

"Do you want to kill all of them, or..." - Dina whispered, turning her face at you. But to your surprise, you shook your head almost immediately. You didn't want to kill anyone. Sure, your own goal was to find Abby, clip her wings, and to do her the same shit she has done to you, make her realize that you'll kill her if she comes for Joel... But you didn't want to kill her. What would be the purpose of that? You could make her realize that she should stay the fuck away from Jackson without having her blood on your hands. Unfortunately, Tommy was apparently on the other side of the spectrum. And Ellie was too. Yet Dina seemed to be getting uncomfortable with the topic. - "Y/N... Listen. I know you were a Firefly earlier and that they haven't sent you out, I know you killed only infected... But behind this gate, some bad people won't spare a single second with thinking about shooting at you. I don't want to be an asshole and even if your willingness to spare Abby's life is admirable, but if things go to shit... And they will go to shit... You will have to kill someone."

Dina slowly walked to you, licked her lips as her palms gently smoothed your shoulders. Honestly, killing someone wasn't the first thing that came to your mind when Ellie said We are going to Seattle. It made sense - Seattle was most likely inhabited by various groups and clans, cannibals, and hunters. All you could see was Owen, the woman, and her friends. Those were the people you wanted to see suffer, not killed, but suffering for sure. Yet the reality found its way to you rather quickly as the realization came suddenly.

Given how you reacted to the first kill, could you overcome the feeling of being sick of yourself? In the exact moment when you watched the arrow driving through the man's neck, you thought of yourself as of something else. Not someone, but something. You were disgusting, you weren't a human being if you could consciously kill another man, right? But Seattle was full of worse people than the group you've met near Jackson in summer.

"Listen, I know it's making you feel bad, but... Once you'll get into the adrenaline rush and when you realize that it's either you or them, you'll be fighting for your life as a true survivor. I am sure of it. They should be terrified of you." - The girl hugged you and closed her eyes for a moment, and after that, you left to search the other building. It didn't take you a long time before finding a piece of paper full of codes. - "Well, look at this beauty. You think it can help us?" - You asked Dina, showing her the paper - and just at the moment, you heard Ellie yelling something about code from the other side. As you yelled some numbers back at her, Joel and Dina got the horses ready, making sure you'll get them on the other side too. It was just a small moment when the gate got opened and you had run for it because the gate almost pinched you in.

"That was quite something. Everyone alright?" - Ellie asked, getting Dina a quick hug. It was weirdly terrifying watching you almost getting crushed by a gate. After checking on missing or hurt limbs, you continued your journey further into the city - and it didn't take too long before you stopped in front of another gate. Ellie got to the work immediately - you had the codes, you had a generator... Which didn't have fuel inside - the tank was emptied clean.

"Hey, guys?" - You asked and walked to a tear in the wall, leading into a big plain of green grass, collapsed buildings, and highways. Dina looked at a cupola in the distance, widening her eyes in realization. She pulled out a piece of paper, making you look at it. The paper was talking about some big operation WLFs got going on, about a name named Isaac and... Gas inside a courthouse and some dome. And the dome you were looking at at the moment. And... Then Dina pulled out a map you didn't even know she took somewhere in the process.

"What do you have here, girls?" - Joel asked and stepped next to you - Ellie was still thinking about the empty tank while you two were whispering something, trying to estimate the proximity of the things you were seeing to figure out on which street the dome was located on. And so far, you'd say you and Dina had some good estimations. - "I think we just found ourselves some gas..." - Dina snickered victoriously, waving the map in the air. - "But just from looking at the place, there's a lot of locations to scavage through, I would say." - You whispered, looking at the sights around you. There was a building which looked like... Some fancy one, a few stores, and a big truck in the water which caught your interest. - "We better split now to cover the area quicker."

Everyone gathered around you - and it was officially the first time since the trip started you got to plan something out. - "There's written we are searching for... Serevina Base, which should be... The hotel over there, right?" - You asked them, pointing the pen in its direction to ensure yourself. Ellie nodded quickly. - "But the generator is out, so we need to look for gas. Which should be in the Fedra thing just across the plain," - You pointed your hand in the direction. - "Or inside the dome there. Let's say that each group will take one of the spots and look around them. We'll let our horses out on plain sight in case one of us would get lost. If you do, search for the animal. When we'll be done, well gather around here and see what we'll have, and thing of a different plan. And if we wouldn't get back around dusk, the other group goes to look for them. Huh. Look at me planning." - You grinned at Dina, who just nodded. This was quite impressive - Ellie didn't understand half of what you've said, but Dina and Joel did.

"The game plan will be as follows - Ellie and I will look around the dome, you guys will go for the Fedra base and to the left side of the perimeter, 'kay? If anything goes bad or worse than that, leave the place be and run away. If everything goes well, we should meet halfway in the plain. I'll bring the map with me and we'll mark every usable place we can scavage later, okay?" - You asked everyone in the end, having the whole group nodding. Suddenly, you understood why Jesse was always giving you these speeches before you rode on a patrol. It felt good to hype the whole group up.

Just when you were getting Joel's stuff out of Sadie's saddleback, the man approached you. - "You should do this more often, girl. You're a natural." - He smiled gently, catching your palm in his to hold it for a small while. And you just stood next to him and moved your thumb on his. - "Be safe out there, 'kay?" - Joel asked you, leaning his forehead to yours, closing his eyes for a small moment. - "Make sure Dina won't get hurt and come back." - A whisper left your lips before you pecked his lips, giving him the revolver ammo you were searching for. After that, you hopped on Sadie's back, offering your hand to Ellie. As expected, she hopped on behind you and caught your waist, jolting around before she found the right spot to sit at.

"Is your ass settled, princess?" - A tease came out of you as you jumped to the grass, riding in the direction of the dome. The girl only chuckled, looking around after that.

"It's nice out here, I have to say." - Ellie admitted after a second of watching the wind playing with the grass. You could see a few hinds in the back with a big, strong deer and birds flying above your head. If something, Seattle looked spectacular in the sunlight, especially when the sky was almost cloudless.

"It's something different than Salt Lake and Jackson. Nice change of view." - You agreed, having Ellie humming at your response. Oh, shit, there you go - Ellie sure as her way about to ask some weird fucking questions and you didn't know if you're ready for any of them. - "He's too old for this shit, you know that?" - The girl sighed and leaned her chin into your shoulder.

Of course, you did realize that. Joel wasn't the youngest, that was the way things were. You didn't know what lays in front of you, what to expect of what's going to happen in Seattle. What if you'd have to run for your life? What if you'll have to walk steep hills on foot? Jumping from building to building? Jesus, you stopped your train of thoughts, what am I thinking about? Joel Miller had probably better physical conditions than you, except for some scars and sometimes jolting knees. You kinda forgot about how dangerous can he be since you've started seeing each other - but now, you hoped that all the stories Tommy and Ellie told you were true. He could suffocate a man with his forearm even in his early fifties and that was a thing you shouldn't forget at any time.

"I've never met any guy that would be at least half the tough as Joel is. I mean, maybe not even Tommy matches Joel's level and he had some wild stuff, I tell you that. I'll take care of the old-timer, I swear." - There was this unsettling quiet moment you and Ellie shared when you just trotted towards the building. The city was empty, almost wiped clean. Which was unsettling a bit. You'd expect way more cars in the downtown, maybe some signs of residency, anything... But it looked empty.

"I know... But it still weirds me the fuck out, dude. I won't be pretending I'm okay with this." - Ellie spoke out of the blue, making you freak out a bit. You were riding in the street leading between high glass-concrete buildings, so the only things you could hear were the wind howling and Sadie's stomping. Ellie straightened for a second, laughing at your reaction. - "Jesus, sorry for that."

"You think I'm okay with you and Dina? I mean, no offense, but I'm used to seeing her with Jesse. You two hit it off so suddenly, like, dude, I know you liked her for the longest time possible, but..." - "I see what you're talking about. I guess we'll just agree that were both a bit grossed out, but we're happy that the other one's happy, deal?" - Ellie asked when you turned right and rode in front of the tall dome - and to your surprise, it was a court.

"I think that makes the case rested." - You turned your head to Ellie with one of your eyebrows arched - but the girl didn't get the joke at all. So you threw your hand in the court's direction, having her gasp for air in realization. - "That was a poor one, babe." - Ellie snorted. Both of you jumped off Sadie's back, tying her rein to a nearby lamp to make sure she's visible if Dina and Joel were trying to find you. As a treat, you gave the animal an apple you've carried with you since Jackson and petted her nose before walking back to Ellie. - "And you fucking love the poor jokes I make, angel, so keep the whines to yourself." - "So you don't want to hear any of them?" - The redhaired girl teased you back and you laughed out loud, saying something similar to 'you're fucking gross'.

As you approached the building, you both started to get more and more serious. - "The place is probably filled with infected." - You said what you both had on your mind. Ellie spared you a quick look and tried to open up the door for you, but it was barricaded from the inside. - "Hey, ma'am, don't be scared. We're going to slay it, as we always do." - Your best friend chanted with a total dingus. After that, she slammed the door with her shoulder for the second time, massaging the shoulder afterward. - "We'll have to circle the building, see if there's any other way to get in. I mean, these fuckers got in, we can get in." - Ellie offered you a high-five and you did accept it.

You did find another entrance to the building, through an old window that could be opened up. At that moment, you weren't even nervous. It was a known fact that you and Ellie go on that patrols together because of various reasons - one being you couldn't shoot from a gun and a second one being Ellie clumsy with Clickers.

"See a few of 'em." - Ellie whispered to the vile silence. It wasn't exactly silence - it was inhuman silence filled with cries and clicking of the infected in the building. The good news were that you didn't hear low grunting of a Bloater or a Shambler, so this was a two-man job with which you could get over with pretty quick. - "You wanna do Clickers or Runners first? We have a plan B?" - She asked. You nodded, pointing at a plastic bomb in the pocket of you back. Slowly, you slid the knife out, listening to the sounds of clicking getting closer, and closer to you.

"There's our number one." - You grinned at Ellie and moved around the place. Safety first - Ellie loaded her gun and you did your best not to make too much sound. Clickers had a hearing three times better than a human, true, but it applied only if they were clicking in your direction - and as soon as you were hidden behind something, they knew shit - which resulted in the bitch laying on the ground in the next moment as you felt its blood soaking through your pants. You stopped for a second and watched a crying runner standing just feet from you. As soon as Ellie made sure it didn't see you, she jumped on its back and pushed her dagger into its throat.

Slowly, you maneuvred through the rooms, searching for supplies in the process, killing every infected on sight. True trouble started when you found yourself in the entering hall which had around four infected there. Ellie made sure that her gun is loaded and palmed a brick while you kneeled, slowly taking a bomb and a lighter out of your pocket. For a moment, you watched each other before Ellie threw the brick onto a nearby wall, distracting the infected with inspecting the sound. When you lit up the fuse, you counted to four and threw the bomb in there as well, turning away from the massacre.

When you looked on the spot after the great boom, the walls were burned and painted with blood and parts of the bodies. - "Yuck." - You grunted, looking at Ellie who was waiting if there won't be another infected in the area. But it was looking clear. - "Your bombs never stop to make mesmerized. She offered you another high-five and you accepted.

You, my friend, were looking disgusting. You've come from the patrols in a worse state, sure, but you always grinned when you saw blood on your jeans. How comes that someone like Joel or Tommy rarely got dirty? The must've been using some fucking magic. Your best friend didn't care about her appearance at all, she was looking around. - "Can't see any gas here, but the elevator shaft looks promising." - Ellie sighed and smoothed her cheek with the back of her hand, accidentally rubbing blood all over her damn face. At that, you let a sighed and motioned for her to go first.

"Looks alright down here, come... Oh, fuck!" - The girl cried out and you could hear first gunshots. Seriously, you had never got anywhere as quickly as at that moment. Without waiting around, you took the knife out, getting a runner off of Ellie. When that was over, you got out your gun which you rarely used, loaded it, and tried to hit at least something around you. It was a miracle you both got out of it alive, but the adrenaline rush made you look around with fear. You were still triggering the gun to fire, but the magazine was already empty. Which made Ellie giggle as she leaned her palms to her thighs while watching you.

"Good job, we're clear." - Ellie grinned, making you finally pull the trigger down. You kneeled as well, taking in a deep breath as you started to laugh too. This was a close call and the adrenaline inside your veins hit its all-time top, so as your brain relaxed, you were laughing like crazy. - "I thought you didn't know how to use a damn gun." - Ellie wondered and helped you on your feet.

"I never said I could use it either." - You bickered back, looking around. It was an old garage under the court, the whole place was dark and hard to orientate in, so you both lit up your flashes.

"This was fucking badass, babe. You'll be better than all of us one day... And... Look at this beauty." - The girl put her palms on her hips, smiling at the sight of a gas tank. There was a small red barrel for it too, which was just perfect.

"Go on, give it a whirl. I would prefer to leave this fucking place." - A sight left you as you put the gun back into the holder, making sure it's secured there. With a childish grin, Ellie picked up the small barrel and put it under the pipe, turned the lever, and... - "It's fucking empty." - She sighed, cursing under her breath. Well, that was a bummer.

"Let's hope that Joel and Dina find some. Come on, we can at least scavage a few stores on the way back." - You smiled at the girl, patting her shoulder. As you said, so you did. And you were quite okay with what you've found - enough stuff to make some more bombs, Molotoves, two cards which Ellie was collecting, ammo and some food. Those were good finds.

A few hours later, you met up with Joel and Dina again to share the finds and the intel. To your luck, Dina managed to find some gas in something called a synagogue while the old man securing the perimeter - and they also found a nearby used fireplace possibly used by Tommy. And they found some food and stuff as well. With the fuel, the generator was running in no time and you continued your journey to the Serevina base. You were moving forward slowly and with hesitations, having your eyes opened all the time in search of the WLFs. But the place was just full of supplies, dead bodies, and infected. And as you progressed thought the building, you only found more of these. Until you bumped into that room.

When Dina saw it, she covered her mouth and ran into the corridor to vomit, you stood there in shock, Ellie widened her eyes - just Joel kept his cool as he walked around the crime scene. There were two dead people, both tied up, one of them laid on the ground in gallons of blood, and the other one was tied to a chair on wheels. Whoever did this to them, he had to have a strong stomach and a strong hatred in him.

"Shit." - Dina muffled when she walked back into the room, cleaning her lips and mouth up with the back of her palm. - "The fuck happened here?" - She asked the same question you had on your mind. Ellie and Joel exchanged knowing looks before splitting to look at both the bodies.

"Tommy did this." - The redhead muttered and touched the face of the wheelchair man. Dina shook her head, walking closer to the body to look at it as well. - "This? No way." - The girl insisted. The man was crouching above the other body, watching it with his dark eyes. Ellie took in a small breath. Both the girls spared you a look as you walked forward. You did the same thing as Ellie - your thumb and index finger circled around the swollen jaw covered in old blood as you looked at the contours of his face, taking in every small detail your eyes were able to recognize. After a moment, you let his face go, looking away from everyone. A scoff you let out made Joel turn at you. He knew damn well this was his baby brother's handwork.

"It was definitely him." - You nodded to yourself, putting a hand in front of your lips. - "This is one of the ones that were in Baldwin when it happened." - You nodded, looking back at the people around you.

"And this one, kiddo?" - A raspy question made you aware that Joel is standing just a foot away from you, pointing at the body laid down in the blood. Slowly, you walked to the man, even crouching to take in his face. But soon, you just shook your head. -  "I don't recognize him. What the fuck was Tommy doing here?" - You asked the man. But Ellie was the first one to speak.

"He was using them against each other." - "How?" - Dina asked and looked at the bodies once more. With that, Ellie looked at the man who was now smoothing your back, ready to explain every small detail to you and her girlfriend. She pointed her palm at the body which was laid down. - "Joel told me about this. You ask this guy a question, but you don't make him say it, you make him write it down. Then you ask the other guy. And if the facts match, they're telling the truth. And if not..." - "You fuck 'em up." - Dina finished and Ellie hummed quietly.

Joel knew this method? This gruesome, brutal method? Was he using it on someone? As the man felt your shoulders tense up, he looked at the emotionless expression in your face and he stepped aside immediately, letting him have your own space. Jesus, how much you didn't know about him? Sure, he was a smuggler and he fucked up a few people here and there, what you've heard from Ellie's stories - but until that point, you thought he done it for the sake of her well-being. Guess what. You were wrong.

There was this strange, vile persona inside of Joel the whole time he was by your side - and even though you knew that, it took you by a surprise. How much he had done? How much pain did he cause? What other methods of brutal torturing did Joel know? And the worst thing you realized was that once you'll leave Seattle - you be the same as him. Your stomach was slowly turning upside down.

"This just happened, guys. He can't be far off. Come on." - Dina tried to cheer everyone up, yet it was met with a wall of blank stares. She nodded, again, and everyone got out of the room. You were completely lost in your thoughts as the others were doing the job - Joel's palm in front of your face woke you up from the trance and you hopped behind him. And he knew something's off when you didn't catch his waist.

"Girls, wait for us back there, alrite?" - Joel called out. With that, both of them nodded. Ellie and Dina were shaken as well, but you were looking lifeless, confused, and disgusted. The man breathed out and lowered his head, waiting for you to say something. A word. A cuss. Anything.

"You ain't good, don't tell me you are." - The man warned you just when you were about to ask him why you're not riding forward. - "It's disgusting and I know that, 'kay? But... I swear you don't have to be afraid of me." - Joel whispered, but truth be told, he was too afraid to look at you. At that remark, you scoffed ironically.

"Is this what you call 'I was struggling with surviving for a long time'? Listen, I knew you killed people before, I knew you stole shit from them, smuggled things for the Fireflies and survived a lot of stuff... But... Joel..." - You hopped off the horse again, walking around to somehow gather the shit together before speaking. Your lungs were begging for breath as it got shallow. Ellie watched you with worries in her face, but Dina made the girl turn away. - "It must've been hard for you. And I get it. But this shit? You were doing this... This fuckery to other people?" - You pointed back to Serevina. The man took in a deep breath. He was nervous as fuck - you could tell because his eyes were lingering all around except your face as his fingers played with Sadie's rein. When he was about to say your name to calm you down, you widened your eyes to stop him.

"No. You answer this question. Did you do things like that to other people?" - You asked again, still pointing to the hotel. Slowly, the man gulped and nodded. An unbelievable laugh left your throat. - "Did you do worse than this?" - And again, the man had nodded. Joel started to move his tongue inside his mouth uncomfortably, which made you aware of what he was going through inside. - "And did you ever, at least once, planned on telling me what you've done to others?" - With that, only the hollowing of the wind could be heard. After a moment, the answer was clear. Joel didn't even think of telling you.

Honestly, why should he? He told you he had done some terrible things in the past and you told him you'll not leave his side nonetheless. You told him you didn't care about that. But obviously, as soon as you saw first hints of Joel's true persona, you were starting to back off. Should Joel be wondering why? No. Not at all. It was understandable. But it was still hurting him.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Joel. This is some heavy stuff I should've at least had a hint about, don't you think?" - You asked, running your tongue on your lips.

"I told you what I am. You didn't listen to it if you ask me, girl." - Joel got off the horse too to remind you who was the man of the situation. He was also trying to make you back off with his hight and his eyes... These were as dark as an iron-colored sky.

"Am I the one who fucked up people to shreds? Who beaten them until they lost consciousness? Do I look like someone who killed another human person for the sake of business? Huh?" - You answered. Just when the man inhaled loudly, Dina jumped between you, pushing herself in between.

"I know... That this is a private matter of trust... But... Can you leave it for once we find some refuge? You can argue all you want there. Let's just... Go now." - She asked both of you. It took you a moment to calm down enough to hop on Sadie behind Joel, but you didn't catch his waist nonetheless. As you were thinking about what just happened, a loud bang sounded through the street.

You barely knew what was happening - in the pressure, you caught Joel's waist as he lost control over the horse. You couldn't hear anything and you screamed as Sadie ran into a shop window, breaking it apart. The horse was dead in the next minute, throwing you both on the ground under it. It was hard to realize what happened as you felt the warm blood under you as you fainted.

The road just blew up.

[sombreboy]

Love Maze »18

Previous  » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff. ▎ word count: 7.7k ▎ ch.warnings: profanity, angst, jealousy, violence, blood, mentions of hospitals, yandere side character is back and he's CRAZY

Co-writer: @velvetwicebang​​​​ ♡♡♡

The following day was huge, today was the big game that they've prepared for forever! Jungkook headed out early, leaving Jisoo's home to head over to his own to grab his backpack before heading to school for the last morning practice. This afternoon was it; he had to be in his best form to perform well. Kook made his way to the locker room to change, a bit earlier than everybody else. He wanted to warm up properly, and give his all in the last practice. He loved the thought of competition, excited to show off the endless stamina he's spent countless hours building up for.

Taehyung stalled, lingering close to Jungkook like a pest just waiting to pounce on the opportunity to talk to him.. He waited and waited; until the opportunity never came. “Fucking pussy..” Tae self-loathed, watching as everyone else was quickly ushered out of the locker room by Namjoon.

“Tae, come on! You too.” The Captain was stressed, anyone could see that. Deciding it was for the best to not make a fuss, Taehyung obliged and kept to himself. The elder glanced over at Kook a couple times during practice, wondering how he was doing. Maybe he’d be able to get a hold on the younger before the big game tonight. Tae held on to that possibility.

Jungkook wasn't blind, he could tell that Taehyung's eyes were on him more than usual today. It was weird-- he'd been completely ignored for what felt like forever. Maybe he was just imagining things, however... That must be it-- nerves. He shrugged it off, overthinking was the last thing he needed to do today.

Practice went great, Namjoon praised the guys with a lopsided smile-- the stress and worry was evident, but he was confident in his players. He dismissed the members, Jungkook grabbing his water bottle by the bench to chug it down as he wiped his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand as he resumed to head down to the locker room, the other guys not quite there yet as they stayed around to calm Namjoon's pre-game nerves.

Well, except Taehyung.

Taehyung’s quick, determined strides gradually lost their momentum the moment he pushed on the locker room door, nervous to see Jungkook’s face after what took place between them.. Suddenly, his confidence was equivalent to sand in an hourglass as it dropped by the ticking second. There stood the younger, completely unaware of the motive behind Tae’s hesitant, inclosing steps. He tried not to think about what he was unknowingly exposed to yesterday evening, but Taehyung couldn’t just.. ignore the imprinted image of Jungkook‘s lips molded against someone else’s. A girl. Hell, he couldn’t compete with that.. The elder inhaled a deep breath. “Uhm.. can we— can we talk?” His Adam’s apple nervously danced underneath his neck. “Please?”

Four words. It was the first four words Koo had heard from Tae in weeks.

'Can we talk, please?'

Kook swallowed tightly. Now he wanted to talk? Was ignoring him not enough--now he suddenly wants to talk. "No." He says. There was nothing he imagined that he wanted to hear. He couldn't afford to lose focus, and Tae would definitely not help with whatever he had to say. Kook turned his back towards the elder as he began to change, hoping that would be enough to be left alone. Fuck, this wasn't good. Taehyung had slowly already creeped his way into Jungkooks brain.

Taehyung’s self-confidence deflated on the spot, his disappointment instead peering through the cracks. He’s a fucking idiot. W hat else was he expecting Kook to say? Yes? No matter the initial letdown, Tae wasn’t one to give up easily. “Look, Jungkook— I hate not being able to talk to you.” His piercing gaze roamed over the younger’s bare skin, wishing the two dimples on the latter’s lower back were a pair of eyes. Taehyung wanted Jungkook to listen to him, to see his strained efforts to try and fix the deep shit they were in.

He caused it; he had to end it.

“I-I miss us.. you.” The elder glanced down towards the ground, suddenly wishing Jungkook wouldn’t turn around. If he’d just thought about it for a second longer, Tae wouldn’t have broken up with him. It was an impulsive decision— and fuck.. did he regret it.

Jungkook froze as soon as he pulled the hoodie over his torso. He couldn't believe what he just heard.. was it a dream, where his mind was playing tricks on him? The younger took a deep, slow breath to keep himself together, but it was easier said than done. He really wished Tae wouldve said those words earlier... much earlier... Before he went to Jisoo-- fuck... Kook felt his guarded exterior slowly being chipped away with every piercing word coming off the elders lips, and the mere thought of this was terrifying. He felt guilty, for a part of him wanted Tae back too. A big part. "I... I can't. Okay?" He didnt sound so sure. All he knew was that if he didn't keep his guard up; he'd crumble. And today the game was his priority. Jungkook turns on the spot, regretfully as he saw Taehyung's gloom stance. He seemed sincere... and that only made this entire thing so painful. Fuck, he wishes he could just... hug him. "Tae..." the name was unfamiliar on his lips once more, stepping closer to the elder. He looked a bit different than before-- but before he could say anything else, the rest of the boys came rushing down-- however they came to a halt as they saw their two golden boys in a rather tense situation. Taehyung with his head hanging low, and Jungkook looking absolutely distressed through his doe eyes. The very moment Kook heard the guys, he withdrew the hand he had extended, instead using it to grab his backpack and wordlessly walk away, pushing through the doors with his shoulder before heading towards the dining hall without waiting for anybody.

Jungkook missed him too.. and it was fucking terrifying. Why does Taehyung have this strong grasp on him? He shrugged as he went to sit down in his usual spot in the dining room, rubbing his eyes in annoyance, and an attempt to clear his vision. Game. Game. Game.

It didn't go that well.

~

Taehyung blankly watched the younger scurry out of the crowded room, ignoring his friends’ careful attempts at squeezing an answer out of him.

“You guys okay or..?”

He turned to look at Yoongi, not bothered to include a verbal clarification. The mint-haired male’s flat expression fell. He was visibly struggling to come up with anything remotely comforting as his palm glided over the sweat on his nape.

“Tae, please.. we need you here for the game, alright? Joon’s already stressed out enough, it’s the least we can do.” Yoongi’s never been in love, but it didn’t take a genius to know Taehyung was hurting because of it. He wasn’t aware of what happened between his friends, but he hoped they’d be able to put it off— whatever it was— until later; after they'd secured their anticipated win.

~

The rest of the day during school was dreadful, Jungkook couldn't stop replaying the simple words that Taehyung had told him this morning. It was confusing, to say the least. Why'd the elder have to put this on him now? Focusing in class was an impossible task, the one thing his mind tunnel visioned on was to win the game. Nothing else. He'd sacrificed way too much of himself to let this be a flop. As classes ended, he had some time to kill before he had to go prepare himself, so he opted to go for his trusted vending machine to get himself his favourite sweet, explosion of chemicals in the form of banana milk. With a straw pressed between his lips, he headed to sit where he usually would outside the building by the stairs, fishing his phone out to open his text conversations. He'd still kept the one from Tae, hovering over it with his thumb before opening the thread. The latest message was the one that ended their relationship, just after the previous text that was a promise of them meeting after class to fulfill their needs.

Kook sighed, shaking his head as he internally scolded himself for even going through this memory again. He wondered why Taehyung suddenly changed his mind.. and part of him knew he had to find out eventually.

~~~

The day’s blinding light converted into darkness, the sun’s blazing rays nowhere to be seen as seconds turned into minutes, and minutes progressed into hours. The overfamiliar gymnasium gradually filled up with animated students and proud parents, each one there to support and cheer for their respective team.

Taehyung was hidden away in the locker room along with everyone else, partaking in some last minute stretches before it was time for them to confidently walk out into the lion’s den. Tae was sure tonight was the most packed it’s ever been, the muffled commotion reached his alert ears from where he stood, the faint buzzing swelling to a roar.

Well, it wasn’t that dramatic.. Big crowds tended to spike up the elder’s mild anxiety, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle.

Taehyung’s hooded eyes were glued on Jungkook, replaying earlier events until it didn’t sit right with him. He wanted to make things right between them— for the game’s sake, and for theirs in the long run.

“Hey, Jung—“

“Jungkook? Hi!” Jisoo greeted with a beaming smile, seeming relieved. “I was dreading coming in here.. didn’t want Yuna to see any naked guys..” The woman awkwardly chuckled, gently withdrawing her hand from the little one’s big, curious eyes.

“Is that a baby?!”

“No, Hoseok, it’s a dog.” Yoongi sassed with a roll of his eyes, following behind their friends to greet the newcomer. Jimin and Hoseok seemed extra infatuated with the chubby little human while Yoongi kept to himself, trying to act unfazed by Yuna’s incoherent babbles. Namjoon and Taehyung however.. Both were wide-eyed.

“Jungkook, who’s this?” Jimin’s plump lips twitched up into a smile, curious about Kook’s friend. Jisoo’s fingers sneakily grazed over the younger’s strong, naked biceps. She tried to be slick, but failed. Jungkook looked extra good in a pair of jersey and shorts..

Meanwhile, Joon and Tae lingered in the corner, watching the situation unfold with narrowed eyes. While Namjoon glared at Jungkook, Taehyung glared at Jisoo.

Jungkook's eyes widened at the surprise, expecting her to be out in the audience rather than... well, in their locker room. It didn't fail to make his lips tug into a toothy grin though, giving Yuna's small nose a little boop of his finger before turning to Jisoo. ''Hey,'' he smiled, noting how Yuna relished in the attention of his hyungs. As they asked him, who the hell this girl was, he took a long second to think. They weren't something, but they also weren't nothing. ''She's my friend,'' he settles with this explanation, ''Lives next door.'' He didn't like to go too much into details, that's all they needed to know.

Jisoo merely agreed in the form of a nod, discreetly confused about where they stood. Now that the question was innocently brought up, it got her thinking.. They’ve kissed, fucked (sometimes more than once on the same day), spent almost every waking day together.. it nearly checked off all of the requirements for a relationship. It was a tricky situation, and alike Jungkook, she barely went into clear details— only useless rambling. “Anyways, I didn’t bring you the fancy sign, I know.” She joked with Kook, turning the locker room into her personal stage as she acted disappointed in herself. “But..” Jisoo looked around, making sure no one was in their point of hearing. “When you guys win, I’ll reward you with whatever you want. You know, to make up for it.” The woman stepped back, her usual smile decorated with the exhilaration of tonight’s possible affair.

Taehyung was fuming... He couldn’t bear to see the two of them together after what he came across the other day.

“They seem close, huh..” Namjoon noted with barely any emotion in his voice, arms securely crossed over his chest. Tae, who stood next to him, simply scoffed. “Yeah, they’re close alright.”

What did Jungkook see in Jisoo, anyway? Sure, she was nice.. caring, compassionate, pretty— all nice qualities. Taehyung only angered himself further. The woman was the perfect person for him. It got Tae wondering why the fuck they haven’t gotten married and birthed ten more perfect kids yet. They were so.. loud with their affection, it was annoying.

“Uhm, I mean, how close?” It was obvious Namjoon was jealous, no matter how hard he tried to play off his feelings.

“I caught them kissing. That’s how close.”

“W-what?” The elder’s hands unknowingly clenched into fists, not believing what he’d just heard.

Is that why Jungkook got so angry that one time..? It had to be.

Jungkook smiled coyly at Jisoo as she stepped back, stretching his back for the final remaining minutes. ''I'll look forward to it. Go get a seat before they're all taken!'' he jokes. But truly, there were a whole lot of people. Before Jisoo left with Yuna, she looked at Jungkook over her shoulder, meeting his eyes with a small smile. He waved vaguely as she disappeared out of view before turning back to his hyungs, not aware of the stares he's getting from Namjoon and Taehyung.

''Alright, let's do this!'' Hoseok chimes, working together with Jimin and Jin to bring the group together into a hug, smushing Tae and Kook together involuntarily, Joon as well in the mess. As if it came naturally, Taehyung’s arm wrapped around Jungkook’s smaller waist as their friends huddled together. While everyone else’s was on each other’s upper backs, Tae’s instincts just had to kick in at the wrong time. By the time he’d noticed, Joon’s body had practically locked him in position. It would’ve been awkward if Tae attempted to squeeze his arm out in the middle of Jin’s hushed ‘poetically powerful’ pregame speech, so he let it be. The taller nervously glanced at Kook from time to time, swallowing down his remaining panic. Taehyung’s bigger hand gently squeezed at Jungkook’s hip, his fingers digging lightly into the fabric of the younger’s Jersey. He missed having him this close... All of this unfolded in the midst of Seokjin’s uplifting words, so it was no surprise when Tae had no idea what his hyung had said by the end of it.

Just like Tae, Jungkook was unable to focus on anything that Jin blabbered about, the one thing he was hyper focused on was the close proximity of the elder. The way his strong hand wrapped around him-- the hand that applied pressure on his hip... It brought back an emotion that he thought he'd finally gotten rid of. Oh how foolish he was. He craned his neck forward, his long curls hiding the expression in his eyes, while his lips barely parted in a quiet sigh. He missed having him this close too...

As the group finally withdrew, giving the boys the much needed space and cheers coming from their hyungs, Jungkook felt like he stayed in Taehyung's arm for a second longer than he planned to, quickly pulling away to roll his tongue inside of his cheek. ''Alright, guys.'' Namjoon announced as he gave every member a pat on the back as they headed out towards the court-- well, until it was Jungkook walking past him. A glare shot his way, but the younger didn't take notice of this, instead fighting his internal battle of trying to suppress his thoughts to focus on the game.

Taehyung quickly followed behind Kook, itching to close the distance between them once again. Now that he’d gotten a taste of what he used to have, it was incredibly hard to pretend to hide his true feelings.. The urge grew more intense when they jogged into the packed court, peers’ blaring shouts of encouragement making Tae want to curl up against his ex-boyfriend’s chest and wake up in a more serene location. The younger’s bed, perhaps.. The thrill that used to overtake him at the thought of tonight’s game was no longer alive. He found the atmosphere suffocating, and the roars annoyingly unbearable. The elder didn’t know why he was extra sensitive to the loud noises, but he figured the constant buzzing in his ear was to blame. The piercing sound had yet to subdue, and it didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon.

Before the major game began, each team was given a few minutes to practice their free throws. Taehyung jumped in line behind the younger, building his confidence to lean towards Jungkook’s ear. “I miss you, and I’m sorry.” He whispered. It was killing him not knowing what to expect.. Did Kook want him back, or not? The elder lingered in that position for a second longer, only moving when the string of players did. E ven then, Tae remained close to Jungkook. He didn’t worry about the audience’s stares from the stands, or the questions that might pop into their heads. The rare moment Taehyung wasn’t so caught up in strangers' wandering eyes, was when he desperately needed to be. If he’d been as attentive as before, he would’ve easily pinpointed a certain devilish glare from the crowd.

Jungkook kept his eyes focused forward, however he was listening to every single word that went into his ear. Tae was way too close, in front of all these people... "Why are you telling me this now?" Kook glanced over his shoulder for a mere second to glare at Taehyung, but just as quickly returned to focus on the line as it moved. If there were ever a worst possible time to discuss their breakup, this was it. But Taehyung seemed desperate. And Jungkook slowly grew too unfocused for his own liking. He'd worked too hard for this game to let it go to waste-- and he didn't want to talk about this. Not now. Before Taehyung could say anything else, Jungkook leaped forward with the basketball in his hand, relieved he was able to remove himself from Taehyung for the moment.

Taehyung momentarily paused his ‘trying to win him back’ speech, piercing eyes glued onto Jungkook until he was caught off guard by the basketball thrown at him. Getting in position, Tae aimed for the net. The elder was surprised he made it, his focus was on anything but the game. He carelessly threw the ball to the person behind him, jogging back to a single line formation. “I’m telling you this now because I should’ve done it a long time ago.” Taehyung resumed, standing a little too close to the younger. “Jungkook, I’m sorry. I-I freaked out over nothing, I didn’t think any of this shit through.” He hesitated after a few seconds, “I still love you, so much.. I don’t want to just.. throw that away..”

Jungkook crossed his arms over his chest, grasping at his own biceps to practically hold himself in place so he wouldn't turn around to look at Taehyung. He felt his emotional walls crack, the emotions seeping through was not what he wanted as he was in front of this many people. He took a deep breath through his nose, shoulders visibly tense as he took a moment before he replied. ''But you did. More than once.'' Kook's focus on breathing slowly brought him back down to earth, building those small walls back up to remain as stoic as possible in front of the audience, taking a short step away from the elder as the line moved once more. He just wanted the game over with at this point.

The elder’s shoulders sank along with his confidence. The last thing Taehyung expected was for Jungkook to give in easily, but he also wasn’t anticipating the latter to be so vigilant. Then again, Tae naively played with his feelings countless times. He knew the younger was only trying to look out for himself— and his bruised heart. Shit.. it hadn’t fully sunk in until now. Taehyung fucked up. Bad. He was starting to doubt there was a solution to their problem. “No, you’re right.” Tae kept his distance, not wanting to make Jungkook uncomfortable. “I did, and fuck do I regret it. I just... I really miss you and—“ The timer in the scoreboard echoed throughout the large gymnasium, cutting Taehyung off mid sentence.

He had a feeling this was going to be a long night..

Jungkook turned to give Taehyung a glance before he headed towards their side of the court with the team, an unnamed emotion in his eyes before it slowly morphed into his focused persona when it came to basketball. As previously mentioned, the younger didn't come here to play around. He was here to win. He's prepared for this match with his entire being.

The teams gathered in each side, Jungkook and the others in a large circle as Namjoons eyes roamed the players. "Okay, this is it. Put your everything into this game.." he paused when his eyes flickered to Jungkook, a hidden glare thrown his way before they go back to the rest, "Let's get it!"

"Let's get it!" The rest of them cheered before getting into respective positions.

Along with Namjoon, Jimin, and Jungkook— Tae was one of the first players sent out into the bustling court. It was during moments like these that he wished he was a benchwarmer. Taehyung lacked his usual spirited determination. The elder’s pregame jitters were fully hidden behind his worrisome exterior, and catching sight of Jisoo silently cheering for Jungkook to do his best in the form of an encouraging fist only provoked Tae’s sullen expression to harden. Turns out he wasn’t the only one who saw, Namjoon was one step ahead of him.

“Jungkook!” Joon shouted, seeing how the younger stalled to get in position, likely because he was drawn to Jisoo’s cute antics. “Hurry up, you can talk to your girlfriend later.” He spat, gaze lowering in response,

Jungkook knew how he felt about the older woman, how could he do that to him? Kook's eyes widen before they squint in confusion, completely caught off guard by Namjoon's sudden words-- that were definitely laced with something. He knew their captain had a crush on her, but he also kind of fucked it up himself. "What? No, she's..." he was interrupted by the buzzer going off, shifting his gaze from his captain to the one thing that he wants to focus on; the damn ball.

Jungkook was doing well as expected, his attacking role perfectly suitable for him. However, whenever his captain got the ball, and he was in a free position to get a perfect throw, he was surprised to see Joon ignore him, glare at him or simply just pass somebody else. What's his problem...

Further into the game it was getting close to half time, and Jungkook was growing frustrated with the way he was being treated like this. He was barely able to play properly when his captain's childish antics kept happening.

"Joon!" The younger hissed as the first break finally rolled in, "Why do you not give me the damn ball? I had several perfect throws!"

“Several perfect throws my ass..” Namjoon spat under his ragged breath, disregarding his empty water bottle before briskly turning around on his feet. He came face to face with Jungkook, the anger in his eyes having yet to subdue. “You were practically out of it throughout most of the game, Kook!” Namjoon’s voice swelled, garnering the attention of a few of their teammates. “You were staring at Jisoo! If I passed you the ball—“ The captain cut himself short, biting down on his tongue to prevent anything he might regret from coming out. “If your girlfriend’s gonna be too much of a distraction, don’t bring her here. We can’t afford to lose this game because of you.”

Jungkooks temper slowly started to build, eyebrows drawn together as he stepped closer to Namjoon, "What's your problem? She's not my girlfriend!" He hissed, huffing through his mouth to move the sweaty bangs out of his eyes. "Are you serious? Lose the game because of me? You're the one who's not letting me get remotely close to the fucking ball!" His eyes were squinted, the obvious flare of his temper burning up too quickly-- the audience murmuring in confusion.

"Hey, calm down" Jimin tries to ease the situation, but they all know the younger's anger was like a rollercoaster.

"No, it's not fair!" Jungkook closed the distance further between him and his captain, making sure only he hears his next words, "Stop acting so childish."

Joon had to scoff. “Yeah, okay. Get away from me, will you?” He harshly shoved Jungkook by the chest, drawing the attention of Taehyung who moved quickly on his feet.

“Namjoon, what the hell— back off.” He stood in between them, momentarily breaking the heavy tension that linked them together.

“Why are you still standing up for him, Tae? You caught them kissing. Jungkook moved the fuck on!”

Taehyung’s facial expression flickered to one of hurt, his clenched fists slowly coming undone as Joon’s eye-opening words began to slowly sink in.

Was it.. was it possible? Jungkook moved.. on?

Namjoon’s chest heaved from a mixture of irritation and exhaustion; not knowing how to come down from it. He’s never been this angry at someone, much less a close friend.

Jungkook clenched his fists hard, the veins in his lower arms prominent. His body slowly moved, as if gradually his anger was fueling him up to pounce Namjoon. But as he took a step, he was held back by Yoongi's hand on his shoulder, out of all people. "You should take a break."

The coach approaches in the same moment, agreeing, "Jeon, you will be dismissed for now. Go take a break."

Jungkook's eyes widened, "No way. I need to play!" He turned to Namjoon, annoyed by the fact that he didnt protest, but simply agreed as well.

"Go."

A disappointed Huff pushed through the younger's lips, shoving away Yoongi's hand from his shoulder before scuffing past Taehyung to head out, towards the exit to go sit outside on the stairs. He needed some fucking air. U nlike everyone else who brushed off the players’ hostile behavior towards one another, Jisoo stayed behind to watch Jungkook storm out of the gymnasium. Alike everyone else, she saw the small feud unravel between him and Namjoon. It worried her— made her feel like she was to blame. And by the look on Joon’s eyes whilst he stared up at her, the woman knew she had a reason to be alarmed. Jisoo sighed to herself, disappointedly shaking her head before she broke eye contact. Adjusting a fussing Yuna on the baby carrier, she carefully made her way down the bleachers, on the lookout for Jungkook.

“Namjoon, where are you going? Come back here!” The coach called out for him, noting how Joon‘s feet were already moving on their own. Namjoon clenched his jaw, but he listened nonetheless. He wanted to go after Jisoo, but the woman was already out of sight.

~

“Jungkook..?” After a couple minutes of walking around the unfamiliar hallways, Jisoo finally came across the younger man. He was sat by the stairs out front, relishing in the night’s breeze. She bit down on her lip, wondering if it was for the best if she left him and his thoughts alone.. But she couldn’t, she cared too much. Jisoo didn’t know where they stood in terms of a romantic relationship, but the younger was undoubtedly a friend. The woman cared for him like a mother. “Hey.” She sat down next to him, the faintest of smiles grazing her lips. “Nice job out there— so far. I knew you’d do great.”

Jungkook turned his chin to look at her, his clenched jaw softening at her praise. ''Thank you.. But..'' He sighs as his shoulders sink with his next words, ''I don't think they'll let me play anymore. Namjoon is being an ass... With all rights, I guess.'' His eyes meet Jisoo's, a lopsided smile tugging at his lips, ''He obviously still likes you, so I suppose it's not surprising. But I wonder how he suddenly just... assumed you were my girlfriend or something.'' He ran his long fingers through his damp hair, leaning back on his elbows whilst looking up at the sky. It felt weird, really. He couldn't get the thought of Taehyung out of his mind. ''And Taehyung was acting weird too.''

The sound of Jisoo’s muffled giggle disrupted the small pause of silence, “Kim Namjoon is being an ass? Are you sure we’re talking about the same Joon?” An unknowing smile tugged at the corner of her rosy lips. Temporarily dismissing the hurtful comment he spewed in the past, the dimpled boy couldn’t hurt a fly.. The fond image of Namjoon was soon replaced with Taehyung. Jisoo turned her head towards the younger, curious as to what he meant. “Weird? How.” There was a question that lingered at the tip of her tongue, and if she wasn’t so desperate to receive answers, the woman would’ve done a better job of suppressing her curiosity. “Jungkook... do you love Taehyung?”

Jungkook felt his chest tighten at the question, keeping his eyes fixed on the nothingness of the sky. ''I know I did.'' He let his elbows give in, now laying down on his back fully. ''Then I thought I didn't.'' A nother long pause passed by as he seemed to sink into his own thoughts- ''Fuck, I don't know... He's a constant push and pull.. He kept coming at me at the worst possible moments during the warmup to tell me he misses me-..'' He stopped himself to groan in annoyance, just talking about it made him feel the frustration of his feelings, covering his face with his hands.

Jisoo simply nodded, allowing her fingers to comb through Jungkook’s sweaty hair. “Jungkook-ah, love is not something that can just.. go away.” Looking down at him, she made sure the ground was relatively clean before meeting Kook at his level. The hand that laid closest to him engulfed his significantly bigger one, communicating her empathy in the form of a gentle squeeze. “What made you fall in love with him?” A hint of bitterness lingered behind her otherwise sweet words. However, Jisoo was curious, she guessed some closure would be nice.. Turning her head towards him, the woman broke out into a small grin. She snuggled close to Jungkook’s chest, Yuna’s soft exhales of breaths the only muse throughout the quiet night. “Tell mee~ don’t be annoying.”

~

Taehyung spent minutes searching around the darkened school— searching for Jungkook. He was fucking worried, it was unlike the younger to storm out of, well, anything. When he was about to walk past the entrance, Tae pressed the brake. It was Jungkook and Jisoo... Laying together, they seemed happy. The elder hid behind the wall, chest tightening into a knot at their close proximity. Why didn’t Jungkook push her away? Why did he move on so quickly.. Taehyung couldn’t stand it, he was practically putting himself through hell by lingering around, waiting for his suspicions to get proven true. With his jaw clenched, Tae walked away. He needed some time alone, time to think. He advanced into the only space that was vacant, the locker room. Sitting down on the bench, Taehyung hid his face in the palm of his hands. “I’m a fucking idiot..”

A long silence followed after Taehyung spoke out loud to himself... Until a soft chuckle echoed in the locker room, a tall stature with wide arms crossed over their chest. ''Yes, you are...'' Their voice was nothing short of hostile, stepping closer to Taehyung before coming to a halt, a piercing stare burning holes into the male. ''Why do you have to keep bothering Jungkookie? He doesn't want you.''

It was Ash.

He'd kept a close eye on Jungkook for a while, watching his relationship with Kim Taehyung go back and forth. Apparently, they were broken up for a bit now, and it was perfect. He'd planned to approach Jungkook after the game, proudly cheering for him in the audience. But the hurdle being the male below him kept trying to come back, bothering his little Kookie, who looked annoyed and upset down on the court. Nothing irked him more.

The intrusive, unforeseen voice pulled Taehyung out of his daze. He quickly looked up, no longer seeing pitch blackness— instead he saw red. What the hell was Ash doing here? He’d been deaf to the inclosing steps, even more surprising the sound of the door opening. How did the other know where to find him? “I didn’t fucking ask for your opinion.” He hissed from anger, the sight of the other male being enough to spike up his alertness. Taehyung stood up from the bench, meeting Ash halfway. “Why are you so goddamn obsessed with Jungkook’s every move? You don’t need to speak for him. If he doesn’t want me, he’ll tell me.”

Ash's shit eating smirk grew, but his eyes were filled with anger fueled further by Taehyung's attitude. He took a slow step closer, arms falling to his sides as he clenched and unclenched his fists. ''I have to look out for him. His entire body language screamed uncomfortable when you were all over him during the game.'' he hissed back every word laced with mocking anger, ''I hate how stubborn you are, just leave him alone if you know what's best for you.''

A scornful, amused chuckle slipped past Taehyung, who further challenged Ash by stepping up to him. “You have to look out for him?” Tae’s broad shoulders vibrated, a lopsided smile beginning to pull at the corner of his lips.

Who did he think he was..

“What, did he order a bodyguard or some shit?”

He forcefully pushed Ash by his shoulders, prompting the latter to widen the space between them. Being close to him made him sick. Every time he looked into his devilish, hollowed face, Taehyung was reminded of that night. The night he gasped for air whilst he ran through the dim streets, praying for nothing but Jungkook’s safety. What kind of desperate psycho would force someone to sleep with him? Just thinking about it angered Tae. “Yeah, whatever. You’re fucking crazy, you know that?” With one last glare his way, Taehyung purposely bumped shoulders as he walked past him. “Jungkook will never love you.” That was the last thing he reminded before aiming towards the door, suddenly missing the crowd’s spirited roars. Anything to not be here with him.

Ash crooked an eyebrow, saying nothing as he turned to watch Taehyung attempt to leave.

No. No fucking way.

The crazed rage burning within Ash's being was taking over. He had to make sure nobody was in his way to reach Jungkook. And Taehyung made a huge mistake by facing away from a guy like this. A man with nothing to lose-- and only one thing in mind.

Get rid of the obstacle.

Ash didn't hesitate as he practically sprinted the few steps forward, triggered by the other males last words. He grabbed Taehyung by his hair, tightly tangled between his fingers as he forcefully dragged him down, not caring about where, so he opted for the nearby sink. Taehyung's head collided with the hard surface, almost knocking him out in one go. "He doesn't have to love me yet." He growled, "all that matters is that he doesn't love you."

Ash tugged at Tae once more, lifting his head up only to bring it back down against the sink again. And again. And again... until there was blood staining the sink to the floor... Ash eventually stopped when he felt Taehyung's body weaken its struggle in his hold, throwing the man on the tiled floor with a thud. Staring down at him, he scoffed as he wiped his hand on his shirt, thankful he decided to wear black today. "Crazy for Jungkookie, maybe..." he mumbled before removing himself from the situation, glancing over at the bloody male before stepping out of the locker room. He hoped to never see this guy again.

~

Jungkook had poured out his emotions to Jisoo, time flew by quicker than he thought as he realized he should go back. "Jisoo, I gotta go... uh..." he rubbed his nape as he sat back up, "thank you for... listening to me. And cheering for me." He glanced over at Yuna with a fond smile, "and little one too."

“Yeah, no problem.” Jisoo stood up with him, “I should probably head home, she’s out.” The woman reached down to pick up Yuna’s carrier, trying not to make any bothersome movements that’ll wake the sleeping girl. She was in a deep slumber. Her chubby hands were balled up into small fists, and her pouty lips were parted whilst soft huffs snuck past them. Yuna looked absolutely adorable. As both of them took their time strolling through the empty hallways, Jisoo’s eyes widened when they fell upon Namjoon. The man looked.. distressed? It seemed as if he’d been running around the place, unstable gaze flickering between the two.

“Joon? What’s wrong?” The woman furrowed her brows, her caring tone easing Namjoon’s nerves from whatever the hell it was that took a burden on him. Ungluing his sharp glare from Jungkook, it didn’t take much for Joon to give in, gaze softening at the sight of Yuna.

“Uh.. do you know where Taehyung is? Coach told me to look for him, game starts soon.” Naturally, Jisoo turned to look at Kook, confusion swirling within her eyes. “No.. we haven’t seen him. Have you looked long?”

Namjoon answered with a quick nod of his head, naturally thinking of the worst. Did Taehyung leave the school? They needed him there, especially now that it was a close tie.

“We’ll help you look for him, don’t worry.” She supposed it wouldn’t take awfully long, Taehyung had to be around here somewhere.. “Let’s split?” Jisoo’s gaze flickered between both boys, waiting to see what they thought of her last-minute idea.

“Please.” Joon sourly muttered under his breath, wanting nothing more than to divide Jungkook and his noona. They’ve spent more than enough time together, a few minutes on their own shouldn’t be a challenge.

Jungkook felt his chest tighten with worry, and partially in annoyance. Why would Tae out of all people risk the game like this? He wouldn't. "Yeah, I'll check the locker rooms." Kook agreed, waiting for the confirmations of the two before no longer staying around to waste time.

As he headed down to the locker room area, he checked other rooms and bathrooms on the way. Kook clenched his jaw in annoyance; why'd Tae disappear like this? It's a dick move as always, Taehyung is a fucking-- "Taehyung?" He didn't recognize his own voice at first, but it was. Jungkook had pushed through the doors to the locker room, and was met with a bloody mess on the floor. And in the middle of it, an unconscious person. "Taehyung!"

Was that really his voice? It sounded so desperate and hoarse.

He rushed to drop to his knees next to Tae, not bothered in the slightest about the puddle of blood he's sitting in, nor does he care that his hands are stained with the way he grasped the elders body, gently picking him up to hold him close in his arms, cradling his face to get a good look. Leaning in, he placed his ear close to his mouth, relieved when he felt the small huff of air. He's alive. But it was weak. Kook kept holding his ex boyfriend close, using one hand to pick up his phone and text Namjoon.

Instead he texted the group chat.

To: gang gang 🏀 Help! Lockers

As soon as the text was sent he returned to look at Taehyung, every single drop of anger towards the man practically evaporated, and were replaced with everything else. Worry, anxiety, sadness. Love. Jungkook felt as if he would fucking die if Taehyung did. "Tae, please... Hold on." Kook sobbed out, holding the elder close.

~

Namjoon stayed relatively close to Jisoo, peeking his head inside every door, hallway, janitor’s closet— anywhere that could serve as a hiding spot for Tae. They were desperate, even opting for searching in the girls’ restroom.

Where the hell could he be?

When Joon thought about calling the younger’s cell for the millionth time, his phone’s buzzing chimed in his pockets. “Noona, it’s Kook.”

Quickly, the woman advanced to his side, the brightness of the screen casting a harsh light over their troubled expressions. “Locker room..?” Not stalling any longer, Joon took Jisoo by the hand and led her towards the familiar room with quick strides— “Jungkook, we’re here— holy shit!”

Namjoon’s squeamish heart picked up at the bloody mess in front of him, standing still like a statue until Jisoo’s shaky voice snapped him out of it. “Joon! Call an ambulance. O-oh my god..”

It looked bad. The pile of blood only grew in size, bright in comparison to the color of Taehyung’s skin; ghostly pale. The boy appeared to barely be hanging on. The gushing, scarlet liquid luckily seemed to lose its momentum now that he was turned upwards, but the stream on the dirty floor was a big loss.

“Kook? Why did you text-“ Hoseok’s cheery voice was cut short by a sharp gasp, tightly clasping a hand over his mouth. Jimin and Yoongi shared a look of pure worry, the sound of Namjoon’s nervous stuttering over the phone whilst he gave the person on the other line the information they needed sounded weak compared to their loud breathing. Seokjin rushed to Jungkook’s side, attempting to pull the latter away. “J-Jungkook-ah, it’s best if you let him be, it— it can cause more harm than good.”

Jungkook's vision was blurred by the constant flow of tears, blinking harshly to attempt to regain some grounding. Jin's hand helped to bring Kook back down, however the sight of all the blood only had the younger's anxiety growing, his body reacting without his own say so. He couldn't let go of Taehyung, there was no way.

"Jungkook, you need to let him go." Seokjin repeated, carefully trying to pry the younger's arms open. It wasn't an easy task, but as soon as the ambulance arrived they finally managed to; but only because Jungkook helped to put Tae on the transporter. They put Taehyung in the vehicle, several nurses already working on examining and treating him as another seemed to be making notes about his condition. Jungkook pleaded that he wanted to come with, but was denied. They said he could visit the hospital-- what kind of bullshit was that? The very second the ambulance left, Jungkook hadn't realized his own condition. He was a crying, bloody mess. His legs and outfit was stained with the elders blood, eyes bloodshot and glassy from the constant tears.

Slowly, the group of hyungs approached their youngest, worry and sadness in their eyes. Both for Taehyung and his safety, and for Jungkook. "Hey," Yoongi suddenly said as he wrapped his arms around Kook, not caring about the mess. One by one, every single one of his team had joined in the group hug, holding each other tightly. Jungkook's breathy sobs grew louder, but he had his hyungs keeping him together this time. A large crowd of students, parents, teachers— everyone that was originally there to enjoy an innocent game, gathered around the commotion. The sound of the ambulance’s loud, ear-piercing wail struck them as serious. And it was; people’s heightened gasps emerged at the quick glimpse of a team of nurses run through the halls at the speed of light, transporting a gory Taehyung from one end to the other until he was securely placed in the vehicle.

“What happened?”

“Who was that?”

“It looked serious..”

Muffled talk spread like wildfire, and some aimed their shitty phone camera at the centre of the action.

Yoongi had to hold himself back from freaking the fuck out, instead hugging Jungkook closer, shielding the boy’s frail emotions from unwanted eyes. Had humanity stooped that low? Why in the hell would they point a camera at them..

“Jungkook, your Tae’s strong.. he’ll be okay.” Jimin softly assured, even though he himself wasn’t too sure. Tears welled up in his own glassy eyes, but they didn’t need him breaking down as well. Jungkook was an emotional mess, he needed them the most.

“Come on, w-we’re going to the hospital.” Namjoon said, pulling away from the group hug to dig for his car keys, not caring about the unfinished game.

Jungkooks body felt heavy, unaware of the commotion around them as all he could think about was Taehyung. The moment he saw him on the floor kept replaying in his mind, the uncontrollable quivering of his body only held together thanks to Yoongi and Jimin as the others pulled back, still remaining close around them to serve as a human shield for the cameras. Kook did look like shit after all. But he couldn't bring himself to care.

He just wanted to see Taehyung.

The very second Namjoon said they'd go to the hospital, Jungkooks glassy, reddened eyes looked up at him, his hyungs leading him behind the eldest towards the truck. At a time like this, Namjoons dad truck surely was a blessing.

Jisoo heavily insisted on going, wanting to keep a weak Jungkook company but was reassured that she’d be in the loop on Tae’s condition.

"Noona, we’ll keep you informed.” Namjoon started the car, convincing her to drop it.

The mother had Yuna to take care of, it was late into the night.. it was best if she didn’t throw herself into this stressful situation. It was taking an emotional toll on everyone, especially Jungkook.

© sombreboy 2020. Do not repost, edit or translate.