#and attempted suicide every month or so for 7 YE A R S

[dhampir-dyke]

vent, suicide ment in tags. I'm safe rn I'm just in a bad mental place rn because of a conversation with my parents.

[signed-yours-truly-the-whale]

Thoughts/Observations on Joker, part 1

AKA I Spent 7 Hours on This, I Will Die if it Gets Less Than Three Notes

I could rave for hours about this movie’s cinematography. Literal hours.

Nobody talks enough about Arthur’s full-fledged dedication to his clown craft. Man is working 60+ hours a week and does not break a sweat. I also fucking love this clowny face he pulls here. The first shot we see of Arthur in full. Holy shit is it beautiful. God bless Joaquin Phoenix.

These two shots together are incredibly important to me. In a split-second we see Arthur’s disbelief that he cannot control the whirlwind of emotions inside of his own head, not even being able to produce a smile, and then his resignation because it’s just another day. Heartbreaking.

Awwww shiiiiit

Gotham City is such a dump but I’d be bullshitting myself if I said I didn’t love the grimy aesthetic of it. It’s technicolor trash.

Arthur loves his job so much. He genuinely enjoys being Carnival. That hurts a lot to think about in hindsight.

This man just got his ass handed to him and he is STILL SPRAYING THE FAKE FLOWER ON HIS VEST

YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT DEDICATION

This opening card is so imposing. Not only does it take up the entire screen to the point of running off the edges, but it’s shielding Arthur from view. Arthur is invisible in light of Joker in Arthur’s own movie.

I screenshotted this by accident but I felt a need to put it here because he’s just so adorable. Even right before an episode.

E y e s s s s s

E Y E S S S S S

I desperately want to know what got Arthur sent to Arkham the first time. A suicide attempt? A public breakdown? I really want fanfics of it.

There’s a really, really good fanfiction on AO3 by Arthur_Fleck about Arthur slowly recovering and meeting a girl called In the Major and Minor Arcana

I highly, highly recommend it

Okay. Joaquin’s immersion into his characters -- all of them -- is absolutely incredible. But Arthur is just ... off the charts, man. No two of his characters are the same and he embeds himself so deeply in their skin, but Joaquin buried himself so deeply into Arthur’s brain that it is so hard for me to see any of Joaquin at all. God, he’s incredible and this shot makes me emotional because this just is Arthur.

ARTHUR WOULD BE A GREAT DAD AND I DO NOT ACCEPT ARGUMENTS

It really speaks to how shitty Gotham is that this man is having a full-fledged screaming/laughing breakdown on the bus and nobody is batting an eye

I adore how the cinematography paints Arthur as so small to his own environment. He’s a speck of dust. A fleck.

Babie is wincing :((((

I have been trying to figure out the layout of this apartment for months and my inability to, even with a floor plan, is driving me insane

I just found out that the Budweiser beer jingle Here Comes the King is on the soundtrack and plays when Arthur comes home and that made me go feral

I  A M  M U R R A Y , K I N G  O F  A S S H O L E S

It is second nature for me to do this stupid pose every time I watch this scene

Arthur blending into the crowd here makes me ... so happy. He looks so happy.

This is Arthur’s best laugh of the movie, fuck you. I am incredulous that I was the only person laughing when I saw this in the theater opening night.

This is one of the few moments I really see Joaquin shine through Arthur. I don’t know why, but this lighting and his voice and his intensity gives me visceral flashbacks to watching a little boy Joaquin in Parenthood. God, I love this man.

It really is a testament to Penny’s (lack of) parenting that Arthur is day dreaming about receiving affection and validation from a parent figure when his own mother is literally right there

GOD DAMN THIS MAN IS GORGEOUS

But also big bruise :(

Yes, I shall trust you, man named Randall smiling down at me in low angle light

Why was Hoyt not informed that Arthur got his ass beat on the job? As Arthur’s employer he should’ve literally been the first person to know so he could make a note of it. Either he wasn’t told or he gave so little of a fuck that his consciousness astral projected to another plane of existence while he shoved the white powder down his throat and forgot Arthur existed at all.

Literally fuck Hoyt. I hate him even more that his office is the coolest shit in the world

ARTHUR KNOWS THE CUSTOMER SERVICE SMILE

Joaquin dislocated his knee in this scene, the poor boy

I could write a full damn essay about why the misleading advertising of Sophie as a prominent character was the greatest twist of the whole movie. Literally I am still speechless how the movie did that.

I am not kidding when I say my sister has this same color scheme in the bathroom of our house and realizing that made me werewolf

Also Arthur being the son Penny doesn’t deserve warms and breaks my heart

The complete lack of reaction to Penny’s “Don’t you have to be funny to be a comedian” makes me laugh and cry internally

This shot? Gorgeous. His face? Deadly. That jawline? Cutting diamonds. Hotel? Trivago.

I really, really want a Joker 2, but at the same time I do not want a Joker 2 because Joaquin Phoenix has a baby who needs him now and he cannot be pulling shit like losing 52 lbs for a role

Also I REALLY need to discuss how much this brass ballet reminds me so heavily of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Holy fuck, I got actually chills in the theater

Like holy fuck

And then this shot reminds me so heavily of the opening of Fedddy vs Jason with Freddy Krueger laughing over his newspaper collage of missing children. Holy fuck I love this cinematography.

Guys. G - Guys, his name tag says Dr. Carnival, can you hear me  s o b b i n g

This part is so Chaplinesque, the way he slides the gun into his coat again

These children look so afraid of him for dropping the gun and wowie, does that really hurt

Was this asshole supposed to be modeled after Eric Trump? Because I get really douchebaggy Eric Trump vibes (minus the jacked teeth) from this ringleader

I don’t have much to say here except I am in love with the way Artie’s hair sticks straight up in bottle curls when the clown wig slides off

Also if you decide it’s a good idea to mess with a man dressed as a clown laughing maniacally on the subway of one of the most dangerous cities in the world, you are asking him to shoot you and I will not feel sorry for you

I will never not be in love with this image. I fell in love with it in the teaser trailer and almost went feral in the middle of the mall when I saw this was the poster they used to advertise the movie with. My friend described this movie as “chaos, beautified,” and nothing sums it up as well as this picture.

JOAQUIN AND TODD MADE THIS ENTIRE SEQUENCE UP AND I AM IN LOVE

Hello, handsome

[kunalkarankapoor]

The irresistible magician - Kunal Karan Kapoor

HReams and reams of articles have been written about this versatile actor  by his adoring fans. I wonder what should I add more? Making an attempt to pen down my thoughts about this actor who has swept me off my feet.  Making me a die hard fan of his.

It was in the year 2004 that I was introduced to Kunal Karan Kapoor  as  'Varun' in remix. At that time I was so besotted by a chocolate faced hero. Despite of my loyalty to that actor I  saw the spark in Kunal.  And realised he was  a good actor.  Remix wrapped up. And I forgot him.

But destiny  brought him back in my life again. This time as 'Cadet Yadhuvansh Sahni' aka 'Yudi' in the serial 'Left Right Left' aired on Sab TV. The  sole reason for me to start watching the serial was the catchy title track. And  Rajeev Khandelwal's presence. But slowly and surely   I fell in love with all the other characters. And again had a soft corner  for Kunal. Again there was a feeling that he is inordinately gifted and waiting to explode.  There have been many memorable scenes from the serial. But time and again I go back to YouTube and watch Yudi's suicide  attempt. The scene screamed for an encore and left me shaken.

Kunal's performance left me in awe.  Still get goose bumps.

After LRL I became engrossed  and busy completing my Masters. I had no time for TV.  Though Kunal had made an impact on me.. As time passed by  he kind of disappeared from my memory.

Professional commitments   took me to Chennai and Delhi respectively. I deliberately didn't have access to television. Nothing worthwhile to watch. And all the serials were depressing and regressive.

July 2011 I was back in Mumbai. I settled down in my mundane boring life. Nothing exciting. Nothing to look forward to.

December 2011 was a turning point in my life. Going through the most troubled and emotional turmoil phase on my life.  But someone up there had decided that he would be sending some one to me who would be a soothing balm to my troubled soul. And would bring back the smile, cheerfulness, happiness and zing back into my life.

Circa January 2012. I am lolling on the sofa. And there comes a trailer of a new serial 'Na Bole Tum Na Maine Kuch Kaha' that was going to turn my life upside down for ever. What caught my eye was the refreshing trailer( it didn't look like the regular run of a mill story.) The two adorable moppets caught my attention. The heroine didn't look like a overdressed Christmas tree. And there was the hero who looked like the regular boy next door.  He looked familiar. I racked my brains trying to remember why did he look so familiar and pulled my heartstrings. And then  it hit me that this is Yudi. And he was going to play the lead for the first time. And this is when my love, adoration, pagalpanti for this charismatic actor started.

NBTNMKK was on my agenda. I had made up my mind that I  was going to watch it. Come what may. Episode one.. And Mr. Kunal Karan Kapoor vroomed into my life again. This time it was an adoration that would  last for lifelong.. He was going to stay in my life for eternity. And I was to fall hopelessly  in love with Kunal Karan Kapoor/ Mohan Bhatnagar..

What do I say about his talent.  Words don't suffice. And I fall short of adjectives and expressions to praise him. You just need to watch him on screen to fall for his spell. And to be charmed by him.  To understand why he is called 'King of expressions', 'Second to none', ' an actor  in the truest sense'. Why do teens love him? Why do  working professionals go insane for him? Why are tv viewers in their 40s and 50s  completely smitten by him.?

A charming, most adorable face.. Eyes which speak thousand words.. and I am hopelessly drawn to them.. Go weak in my knees and become a gawky teenager whenever he is on screen.   Detractors can say that I am smitten only by his looks. But good looks cannot hold viewers attention for a long time. Atleast not for me and for all Kunalian's.  We were hungry to see  a quality actor and Kunal was manna from heaven to us.

Devoid of model looks, 6 pack abs .. for me he is the sexiest man on planet earth. He makes me laugh, and cry. He brings loads of happiness in my life. My day starts with him and ends with him.

An actor extraordinaire  and a humble human being.  A deadly combo. So down to earth, no starry attitude, frank opinion, vulnerable, genuine love and affection for all his fans. How many actors can claim that they genuinely care for their fans? I cannot think of any. Kunal is truly an exception. A smile of his and my day/life is lit up.

8 months have elapsed since NBTNMKK winded up. But his popularity is spiralling through the roof. Fans are increasing in thousands. And everyone is screaming for his presence back on our TV screen.  We are dead sure he will be back with a bang. With a role that will become more iconic then 'Mohan Bhatnagar'.

Just wanted to let you know Kunal that I love you a lot. You are truly special for me. I will remember you throughout my life. I want nothing but the best for you   my rockstar. May God bestow all his blessings on you. May all your desires get fulfilled. You reach the pinnacle of success. And blessed with loads of happiness.

I am content watching your pics, edits, reruns of NBT/Pratigya.  Please  come back soon. No one has been able to fill the void in my life after you taking a break. Miss you lots, Waiting for you.

Anvita Shety 

Thursday, 15 May 2014

Aditi Bhattacherjee: “its so true....kunal has this magical effect on me...his eyes, his expressions speak volumes...2 Sharmila Gupta Sen: “Absolutely...Kunal has blurred the line btwn Kunal n Mohan..they r inseparable... Thanks to Sonal Ganatra...for creating a character like Mohan... and also to Subrat Sinhaji for those mind blowing dialogues...and Kunal breathed in life to Mohan in such a way that Mohan is not a reel character any more..he's a real human being who's very very close to us... and I think...KKK is the biggest reason for NBT's Success. For 2nd Ssn..he's shouldering it almost alone..”

My 10 reasons for loving "The Kunal Karan Kapoor" : 1. The Rising : Looking back at his first role as Cadet Yaduvansh Sahni in Left Right Left, I can realize how far he has come. No doubt, he has portrayed every character with total dedication, but when I see today's Kunal - I feel he probably has had re-incarnation !! 2. Not just an actor : He defines himself as someone who dabbles at almost everything ( okay maybe, but for me you almost excel in everythng). And therefore it shows how well he 'uses' his urge to explore every side of himself. No constraints whatsoever. 3. Honesty : Give him a minute to define himself, he might just do it within seconds, or may end up saying nothing at all for minutes ! His honesty about himself is something to die for <3 4. Inspires millions : Call it a mere co-incidence or the influence of his own virtues to the role of Mohan Bhatnagar, but he has ended up being an inspiration ON-SCREEN as well as OFF-SCREEN for many many viewers. Whether Mohan influenced Kunal or Kunal influenced Mohan, its difficult to say. But whichever way it was - it TOUCHED LIVES :) 5. Make a wish! : Well, this is the message which this guy gives to me every second. I learnt it from Mohan (and ofcourse Kunal). Make a wish for yourself, and if intentions and dedication stand clean - you will definitely get it ! Such is the power of will. 6. His "Who cares" Attitude : His recognition as an actor happened very late looking at the number of roles he played before NBTNMKK. But he never cared because somewhere inside he believed in satisfying himself rather than others. He waited for the right opportunity to prove himself and here is the result - fans like me and thousand others love to write about him and capture his journey into success :) 7. Never Say Never - He might not be among those who shot to success right from the word GO! And personally speaking I was an ardent LRL viewer for a couple of months - but simply never cared to observe his role seriously. Reasons unknown. But he came back,,,back with an urge to impress me, you and who not ! 8. Dedication to work : Ok, I read that he fainted a couple of times on the sets during last days of NBT while he was ill. Well, this might not be really surprising for his fans. What inputs he gives to his role - like crying red-eyed with real emotions, shouting on top of his voice for aggressive scenes, shooting for whole day n night to complete schedules, and then finding time for interviews late in the night and interacting with fans on FB/ twitter for feedback....he does it all ! And if he can do it constantly for nine long months - then why discuss his fainting-on-the-set s occasions to prove his dedication ! 9. Student forever : He might be a teacher, an idol, an inspiration for many - but Kunal continues to be a learner forever. His every scene is one step ahead of the previous one. He strikes the chord of perfection virtually in every scene. But then again, he proves you wrong and brings up with a better stuff in the very next scene!!! 10. An Actor Arrives : I remember somebody wrote a wonderful atricle on Kunal with this same title. It described his acting self in a magical way. But for me - the journey of loving the actor in Kunal started weirdly from Detesting to Ignoring to Liking to Appreciating to Loving to Adoring like hell !!:)) During LRL, I felt that I would never see an actor in him. Well, that line still holds good - since I cant see just an actor in him. He is much more than that !! He will prove you wrong the very moment you define his limits as an actor. He is flawlessly flawless. He is indefinitely indefinite. He is THE KuNaL KaRaN KaPOoR ♥ - Written By Nidhi (an ardent fan of Na Bole Tum Na Maine Kuch Kaha ♥ ) Oct 10 2012

Yes!  Kunal Karan Kapoor is indeed the epitome of PERFECTION ! This guy is simply the best in whatever he does ! His perfection reaching new heights with each n every scene he performs...he just sparks the screen on fire n leave us all speechless.....though he never lacks behind in winning our hearts with his mindblowing performance in each scene But today he gave us one more even a much huge n special reason to go just gaga over him... I never open any threads here...only reads others' n comments sometimes....its hardly 2 threads i have opened here... n that too because KKK/MB always forces me with his brilliant performances that I just couldn't resist myself.....n today again I'm here to do the same...weaken by my heart n soul...!! KKK was at the peak of brilliance in today's episode....!!! I just get amazed n amazed... impressed n impressed...n just impressed with this guy with every passing moment.. ! Goshhh... he's totally a rockstar... a born star...a super natural STAR ! Natural expressions... Fabbb acting...Awesome dialogue delivery... Perfect use of gestures... Aaah! this man is par excellence......!!! Just too good for words ! Right from the beginning of the epi... till the end...it was him n only him that my eyes were upon... my ears just wanting to listen him... heart n soul connected to him... i was neither listening nor watching any other character/actor properly.....!! The acting of being drunken...yet so shattered...n broken... in immense pain... yet so determined to prove his love... n ultimately win his lady love...he has done it so naturally n fabulously...that i was biting my nails in the whole epi... was numb... n amazed that how can be sooo PERFECT..., like no other word can describe him...! No dictionary is good enough to provide words that can praise him to his level... he has just crossed all the limits of EXCELLENCE ! Yeh banda toh pakka humein maar ke hi chodega..*sigh*....! KKK just knows how to capture the hearts of his audience...!!  He strikes the perfect chord n knows exactly where to attack! The instant connection he makes..n the emotional quotient he shares with us... no one ever can.....!!! Its because of him... that we tolerated many stupid tracks...unnecessary MU's...n still hooked to the show... just in hope that our MOHAN BHATNAGAR's love life will shine one day ! But until... its KKK/MB whose the real saviour of the show ! The way he potrays MB's character... whether he's happy... angry... sad... intense... a loverboy image... the star reporter...or in immense pain...as we are getting to see now... we feel attached to him... He affects us the most... its he... for whom we make plenty of posts everyday... fight...love... discuss... criticize...drool... or whatever we do on this forum... KKK in MB's form... is present directly or indirectly everywhere...in every thread..in every comment...!!! This what reflects that he's just the star... no doubt.. n will always remain......!!! KKK'/MB's shining!.... n may this shine be always blessed upon us n the show ! PS : Guys..n girls... sorry for such a long post n pakao-ing you all... actually I really dont know how to write threads n stuff... but aaj bas seeing my KKK... i couldn't resist... dil ne kaha aaj jo bhi mann hai likh du... n when i was writing... toh thought came to my mind to share it with you guys too... ..since you all are my second family...my most of the day goes here only... so i gotta share my feelings n happiness with u all too...!!! Hope u dont mind! There's lot more to say n write about KKK n MB... since when it comes to him.. i couldnt stop... n go just Awe at him.... but abhi I'm still very much lost in him.... so will share more later! Love ya.. Varsha!

Hit.It.Miss: “ Kunal reminds me so much of Aamir khan with each and every expression of his. Kunal is fab, no words to describe his talent. His superb acting skills, emoting, reminds me of all  my fav actors of yesteryear, watching whom I grew up. I admire him for his acting He's ANMOL HEERA”