#and at the end she would never forgive or forget. But she slowly learns to accept it

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Pack Chapter 1

Trigger Warnings: None

Weeks had gone by and it was nearly December. The wolves had changed in who they were. Jeongin became a tougher alpha and spent many weeks training to his full potential, but he also learned to be a better mate to Y/N. He was still making it up to her. Seungmin was still as cocky as ever and spent more time researching the dark side of werewolf lore in case they ended up in a tragic situation again. Felix was sensitive if not more sensitive after what happened and felt more protective of all the wolves so he offered to take part in more training, unlike Jisung who became glued to the side of Y/N. Jisung was far too in love with Y/N and loved to express that as he helped her around the house. Jisung made sure to always tell her she looked beautiful and made a point to kiss her scar first before her lips. Changbin was now on a course to look after werewolves as his sister Jaehee realised how useless Changbin was at saving his own omega. Changbin wasn't great but he could now stitch a minor cut. Minho on the other hand grew colder, he was hurting the most out of all of them. He still did his usual stuff but stayed out of debates and never gave his opinion. Him and Y/N were still not alright. They never spoke to each other unless it was a 'good morning' or a 'thank you'. Minho lost a lot of trust with Y/N and some of the others, but her words cut deep and he wasn't on the path of forgiveness yet. Hyunjin had gone back to his cold self and spent time in his art room, but still made time for Y/N.Chan had woken up but was bedridden as his ribs were still not healing but he was fine. He was pissed for the first twenty-four hours when he found out about Y/N's mission of death, but he got over it, knowing she was fine. He was happier when she came in to look after him, he appreciated her omegaing him but he knew it was tiring her out because she too was slowly healing.

Then there was Y/N she healed eventually but was still bandaged up. Spiritually she was damaged and Hyunjin's soul was trying to repair hers but it was too exhausting for him so she asked him to stop. Y/N wasn't as active as she had liked to be but still made a point to get up and see her wolves, despite Jisung being stuck to her. Not one of them had asked her about that night and it almost became a taboo subject. It was almost silently forbidden to be discussed. Y/N wanted to bring it up to apologise but when she did they would wave her off and tell her it's fine. Still, she knew Minho and Jeongin were the two she massively owed an apology to, but getting them alone was going to be harder. Minho was going to be her biggest challenge but she was going to start off strong by writing him a letter in case he refused to hear her apology and then giving him the flowers. By flowers, she meant the ones she picked from the garden and put into the vase after she turfed out the others. When Y/N came back into the kitchen she saw Minho prepping dinner. He was aware she walked into the kitchen and usually, he doesn't speak unless she speaks first. Y/N had to admit she felt incredibly nervous speaking to him and it was mainly because she hated hearing what she had done wrong. Y/N knew and understood her actions but hearing them made her slightly uncomfortable and defensive. "Minho?" Y/N called as she stood there awkwardly watching him. "Hmm?" Minho acknowledged her but did not look at her so Y/N decided he was comfortable with whatever she was going to say. "I wanted to say I'm sorry okay? Just hear me out and don't say anything. I only want you to listen." Y/N waited for him but he said nothing, making her roll her eyes. "I am sorry for not being grateful for your efforts. I know you worked hard to help and you did more than what I realised and I appreciate that. I guess I wanted to help and, anyway that's not the point. Forget that part. The main thing I wanted to apologise was for using your insecurity against you. I know it was low and I didn't mean it. I'm not good at apologies so I picked some flowers and wrote a letter of apology which I want you to read."

Y/N almost cursed herself at her botched apology. She completely messed it up but there was nothing she could do now except leave the letter on the table and leave him alone, which she did. Y/N left the kitchen and was about to head up to see Chan when Changbin entered the room in his medical clothes. Y/N greeted the beta with a gentle hug which Changbin was grateful for. Y/N knew Changbin wasn't really enjoying the hospital work and studying with his sister, he would rather be at the gym and then play his x-box. Changbin threw his bag down and kicked on his shoes while holding Y/N as he nuzzled her face against his, before pecking her lips. "Shall we go nurse Channie?" Y/N giggled as she kissed him again. "Let me unwind baby and then I'll come right up," Changbin whispered. Y/N nodded and headed up to see Chan who was idly staring up at the ceiling. It made Y/N laugh at how bored he looked. He was completely fed up with being stuck in the bedroom but his right leg was struggling to heal. "Felix said he might take my stitches out soon," Y/N said as she walked over to him and sat on his bed. Chan smiled up at her as he reached for her hand to hold. He loved it when she came to visit him. Admittedly, Chan sometimes got lonely since he was cooped up in the same four walls. "I want to tell you something and I don't want you to take it the wrong way baby. You know I love you." Chan said softly. "Oh no. Uh. Uh. Whatever it is Mr alpha I ain't doing it." Y/N answered as she bopped his nose like a child. "I'm being serious, baby," Chan said causing Y/N to frown. Why was he being so serious? "I know you are feeling incredibly anxious because you are feeling unclaimed and I know I haven't claimed you fully because I wanted to wait until you could trust me and your body was fully healed, but I know at the moment I'm not going to be in any position to do a while and I don't want you to feel unstable in my pack. We all love you, despite the conflicts we do. Which is why I had a chat with Jeongin and I want him to claim you." Chan stated. "No. Jeongin is fuming with me and besides I am completely fine. I'm not feeling anxious, or disconnected in any way. I want to wait. I want you, besides you could lay there." Y/N hinted with a smirk as she pulled his duvet cover down. Chan rolled his eyes nonchalantly. "Baby. Jeongin is over it, if anything it's Minho that's going to take a while. He accepts what you have said but he doesn't forgive easily. Besides Jeongin wants to ease your anxiety." Chan cooed. "I want you Channie to be the first. I don't care how long we have to wait for your leg to get better. Besides Seungmin can keep up." Y/N stated. "My love. What did I do to deserve you." Chan cooed, his heart swelling with pride. As much as he wanted to be the first his mark was already there and she needed to feel settled. "Ya, let's play doctors and nurses," Changbin shouted as he kicked the door open. "Fuck sake," Chan muttered.

Taglist for the iconic readers

@galaxy4489 @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @maybeimmia @hwangrfrnd@wolfo2027 @kayleefriedchicken @leamueller920 @borahae-reads @jennibahng @cookiesandcreammy @leezanetheofficial @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @linocz @itzreetal987 @skzdreamer13 @reallychaoticwoo @liv1sworld @upsidedownchaire @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @skzdreamer13 o @ihttinniee @kingdomofpentagon @pixie0627 @tsunderelino @notevenheretbh1 @catlove83 @h0rnyp0t @hash2013 @hyunmikim @emi-han @iknow-uknow-leeknow @jigglypuff3000 @aalexyuuuhm @reallychaoticwoo @missseoulite @ihrtlix @estella-novella @xxeiraxx

[papercorgiworld]

Pansy’s Prediction

After finding out you might not be so innocent the guys make their move. Pansy's prediction: eventually you’ll give in.

Pick your guy Blaise, Mattheo, Draco or Theo+Enzo

This is part two. Read part one here: Pansy’s  Potion. 

Warning: smut, 18+

Yes, you read that right Theo and Enzo are a package deal. Funny how a few weeks ago I couldn’t manage to write a threesome for Matt and Enzo, but now suddenly my brain is like: here’s a random Theo and Enzo threesome. I guess it’s because my brain thinks those two are just incredibly slutty. Anyway, for Blaise, Draco and Mattheo it’s just ‘average’ smut, I mean nothing too unholy, okay with Draco it’s kinda public soo yeahhh. Smutty readings, dears! 

If you read all four scenario's you get a cookie, bc this is 6900+ words of smut!

You make a formal apology and the guys are so annoyed with you. “I was not myself and I promise it will never happen again, I will not in any way behave like I did yesterday evening. I hope you can find it in yourselves to forgive me, so we can go back to how it was before.” Pansy’s grinning eyes move between you and the boys. You drive them crazy and then you just want to pretend like you don’t want them. You stare at them nervously waiting for a response and Blaise is the one that ends your suffering by speaking up, though his voice is hesitant. “Suuure.” Enzo nods with his lips in an awkward line. You wanna leave the room so you make peace with only Enzo and Blaise recognizing your apology and quickly say goodbye.

As soon as you leave the common room the boys openly show their annoyance. “An apology?” Enzo asks offended and Pansy snickers. “Yeah, sorry guys. She’s back to pretending she’s an innocent good girl.” Draco huffs. “No fair.” Theodore lets his head fall back a little. “Can’t believe we missed our one and only chance.” Blaise leans forward and focuses on Pansy. “Is there no way to- you know… get the less innocent version back?” Pansy smirks as all boys stare at her with hopeful eyes. “Well, I guess, if you work hard enough for it… she’ll eventually crack, but the only question is who’ll win her over?” 

Forget about slutty saturday and sunday, because the guys had a plan and it involved… slutty smonday.

Enzo was cheeky, his hair was more perfect than ever and when he sat down next to you in class his perfume had your mind thinking dirty. His hand would brush your thigh ever so often, but when you looked at him, his eyes were focused on the professor. 

Draco was determined, holding doors open for you and carrying your books despite your protests. When he would push a door open for you he would make sure your bodies would touch. In the afternoon he would loosen his tie and his smug smile had you bite your lip. 

Theodore was sneaky. During DADA he spotted the perfect opportunity to become your tutor, standing behind you. His warm breath on your neck as his hand slowly traces up your arm to hold your hand in his to guide you through the spell. You learned nothing and blushed like crazy.

Blaise caught you off guard. You were waiting for Pansy in the slytherin common room so you could study together, when Blaise approached you wearing a shirt that showed his perfectly sculpted body. “About this morning…” He began and you looked startled. “You don’t need to worry about what happened, we’re just glad you’re okay.” You force a smile as you try to relax, but a nervous blush still forms on your cheeks. With a sweet smile Blaise moves closer, gently tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “No need to get so shy, I’m here for you.” His voice had you almost falling to your knees, but you’re not giving in and you turn on your heels.

As you turn around, trying to keep composure, Mattheo walks in, wearing grey revealing sweatpants and clearly nothing else. Your eyes widen, moving from his chest to rest on the shape in his pants for a second too long, making him smirk. “You know-” Mattheo starts, voice smug, but you don’t allow him to speak. “No. No. And no.” You say and hurry out of there, leaving Mattheo and Blaise grinning as they watch you. “Oh, she’s close to breaking point.” Blaise says, very pleased, and Mattheo’s grin turns more devilish. 

Blaise

As Mattheo is still staring at the door through which you left, Blaise spots one of your books and instantly a smirk forms on his lips. Oh, you’ll be back and I’ll be here for you. After a few seconds of staring and silly comments Mattheo puts on a sweatshirt and heads for the astronomy tower. Satisfied with the situation, Blaise lets himself fall on the couch, holding your book as he focuses on the door you’ll be walking through any minute. 

Still flustered, you walk in and notice Blaise flipping through the pages of your book. “Quite interesting.” He says and you reach for the book, but Blaise holds it back forcing you to lean a little bit over him as he still lounges on the sofa. You groan and reach for the book giving Blaise the perfect opportunity to move his hand over your thigh. You feel your whole body heat up and move away a little, but Blaise grabs your wrist pulling you on top of him. You yelp and he smirks, satisfied with the position he’s got you in. “Stop playing, Zabini. Give me my book. I need it for studying.” He laughs and wraps an arm around you, telling you he doesn’t intend on letting you go. “You need it for studying?” He mocks and you narrow your eyes. “How about I help you study? Everyone's gone, we have my dorm all to ourselves.” His eyes are teasing and his tongue hungerly moves over his bottom lip. You can’t help but drown in his eyes as your mind wonders what it would be like to be alone with him. 

Blaise lets the book fall to the floor so his hand can move to your hips as he still holds you close to his chest. “No one needs to know. It can be our little dirty secret.” He whispers as his fingers play with your skirt, pulling the fabric higher. The fact that you’re still resting on top of him tells him enough and he pushes on a little. “Let me take care of you, princess.” He whispers seductively, his lips brushing your ear moving to your cheek. “If you want you can pretend afterwards no none of it happened.” His lips brush yours and instead of pulling away like the smart girl in you wished you would do, you move with his lips allowing him to kiss you tenderly. 

Quick enough a hand moves to the back of your head holding you as he deepens the kiss. When the sloppy kiss turns too heated, Blaise pulls away. “Let’s go study.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively and you push yourself up allowing him to get up and guide you to his dorm. Once there you get cold feet as Blaise locks the door and you quickly turn around to face him. ”Maybe this was a mista-” You fall silent as Blaise pulls his shirt over his head, revealing his perfect body. A smug smile tugs on his lips as he lets his shirt fall to the floor and moves closer to you. His suggestive eyes meet yours and you let him close the distance between you two. “Still having second thoughts?” He whispers teasingly, leaning down to place a sloppy kiss on your lips as his hands roam your back, hips and ass. 

While kissing you passionately, he picks you up and instinctively you wrap your legs around him. He walks you over to his bed, gently laying you down before tracing kisses down your neck while undoing the buttons of your shirt. Hands exploring your chest and earning a sweet moan from you as you lay on his bed enjoying his hands and lips moving along your skin. With his mouth teasing your nipples his hands wiggle your skirt and panties down, before moving his tongue to your bellybutton and kissing down to your pussy. 

You squirm as his kisses close in on your bare cunt, but Blaise shushes you and his hands stroke your thighs making you moan involuntarily. You can feel his smirk against your skin and you bite your lips to keep yourself quiet not wanting to show how sensitive to his touch you really are. However, your efforts are pointless when he kisses your folds and inserts a finger, instantly making you grip the sheets as pleasure rushes through you. You had no idea how badly you needed this man until now. You bite down on your lips to muffle the desperate sounds that escape you. “Blaise-” You softly whine as a weak protest as he plays with your sensitive cunt. Needing more of his touch you hesitantly move your hips and he eagerly gets rougher, making you squirm again and forcing him to hold you still. His hand reaches for one of yours, still clinging to the sheets. He entangles his free hand with yours showing you love while forcing an orgasm onto you by fucking your pussy with his fingers and tongue. 

You arch your back as you softly cry his name, unable to control yourself as you climax with his mouth still working your soaking cunt hard. “Look at that.” Blaise whispers, grinning as he crawls over you, leaving sloppy kisses on your breasts before meeting your lips. “You got there fast. You must’ve really needed it.” His eyes smugly search to meet yours, but as soon as they do you look away. You were not in the mood for slytherin arrogance. Your hand traces down to the bulge in his pants. “I bet you really need it as well.” You whimper as he kisses the sweet spot of your neck. “Don’t worry, I’ll sling your legs over my shoulder and I’ll let your perfectly wet pussy take care of me.” His words have you roll your eyes and arch your back as he sucks at your neck, while unbuckling his belt with one hand. 

A cry that almost sounded like yelp escapes you at the size of he reveals and your whole body heats up as his grinning eyes look up at you. “Way to boost a guy’s confidence.” Blaise jokes and you’re ready to hide out of embarrassment. His large hands move up and down your thighs as he takes a good position between your legs. Your body tenses as his length sinks into your cunt, his eyes are focused on your entrance and a smirk spreads on his lips as he sees you take all of him. A soft gasp from you causes him to shift his gaze at you and you meet his eyes. He smirks at your flustered face and parted lips. He could see in your eyes and in every expression that you loved the feeling of him inside of you. He leans down to peck your lips and your hand traces his torso, making him smile lovingly at your touch. 

“Tell me what you need, darling.” His low whisper as your cunt throbbing and your head spinning. You shake your head, reluctant to sound like a needy girl. The smirk on his face grows filthy and his hand moves up and down your thigh. Getting impatient for an answer since his dick was painfully hard Blaise moves his lips to your ear. “Do you want me to fold you and fuck you?” Your eyes roll to the back of your head at his guttural voice. When Blaise locks his eyes with yours you sheepishly nod, but that doesn’t do it. “Talk to me baby.” He demands and his hand moves to play with your nipple rather roughly as punishment for not answering his question and you gasp. “Fuck me, Blaise, please fuck me.” You whine and he takes in the view and your words for a moment, before he moves your legs to rest on his shoulder and grabs your hips. 

His thrusts are deep and he grunts at the wonderful feeling your walls provide, increasing his pace as a reward for having such a wonderful cunt. Your mouth hangs agape as your stomach fills with pleasure and your mind gets hazy as Blaise pushes you towards your climax. Being in perfect shape Blaise holds a steady pace for quite some time, but he knows you're close and he himself is desperate to cum with you. Like having your knees almost pressed to your chest was enough, Blaise rests a hand on your belly increasing the pressure as he thrusts deep into you. Sure other people knew what was going on by the sounds coming from the room, his hips slamming against yours, you crying his name as you cling to his biceps and Blaise’s heavy grunts as he feels himself lose control. A painful cry escapes you as your orgasm hits you and your clenching walls have Blaise spill and almost immediately collapse on you. “Fuck, you’re something else.” Blaise breaths and your watery eyes meet his, he made you feel like a goddess in more than one way.

Carefully Blaise slips out of you, before grabbing some tissues for the both of you and falling down next to you on the bed. “Our little dirty secret, right?” You ask Blaise, referring to what he had said earlier. Blaise smiles at the ceiling and then rolls over to face you. “Yeah.” He cups your cheek and pecks your lips. “You’re my dirty little secret.” No way this was going to be a one time thing.

Mattheo

Still flustered, you curse yourself when you realise that you forgot your book. For several seconds you contemplate on whether to go back or just give up on your plans to study tonight. However, you really wanted to revise your material before tomorrow's class so reluctantly you turned around heading back to the slytherin common room. You are almost there when you suddenly hear Mattheo’s smug voice.  “Change your mind?” Immediately your face heats up, he still hadn’t bothered to dress properly and it bothered you in more than one way. Smirking, Mattheo approaches your nervous figure. “I- I forgot my book.” You finally manage to say and Mattheo nods, far from impressed by your answer. “Sure, that’s all you want?” His eyes suggestively scan you from head to toe, before resting on your lips. Your chest heaves as your mind runs crazy with all things you really want, but you nod. “Just my book.” You bravely, but calmly say. 

Mattheo watches you for a second and you have no idea what’s going on in his mind, but suddenly he pushes you against a door of a broom closet. “I don’t believe you.” He whispers, agitated and obviously hungry for you. You gasp as your back collides with the door, giving him the opportunity to crash his lips onto yours and move his tongue to dominate yours, while simultaneously opening the door and pushing into the privacy of the broom closet. “I think you want me as badly as I want you.” You hold onto the shelves behind you for stability as Mattheo grinds his dick between your legs while aggressively kissing and sucking your lips. One hand kneading your breast as his other hand has a firm hold of your thigh, so you have one leg wrapped around his hips, giving him perfect access to rub his hardening member against your pussy. Your breaths get unsteady and you stop resisting the moment, allowing your hand to rest on his bare chest as the other entangles with his pretty curls, while he bruises your neck with hungry kisses. Vocal moans of pure pleasure escape you as Mattheo plays with every sweet spot your body has.

“I need you noisy.” Mattheo breathes, pulling away from your neck to ravish your mouth and making you moan against his lips. You can feel him smirk against your lips and as much as you hate it, it turns you on even more. You try to subtly buck your hips against his demanding more friction, but the gentle move doesn’t go unnoticed. “You’re far from innocent. Do you want me to fuck you?” Mattheo’s voice is filthy, he’s so pleased to have you needing him. “Tell me, do you want me, love? Do you want me to have my way with you?” His husky whisper and hot breath on your skin has you whimper and cling to his neck, eyes needy and drowning in his. You nod. “Please.” You whisper and as much as Mattheo wants you to say it again, louder or even scream it and beg for it, he himself is too desperate to tease and taunt. 

“Be a good girl and let me hear you.” He whispers, lips against your ear before getting to his knees, eyes never leaving yours. His hands move up your legs, slowly, and still his eyes stay locked with yours. He wants to see everything that you feel, every sensation that runs through you. You make a soft sound when his hands move up your thighs and reach your panties. Anticipation fills you as he pulls them down slowly, while he leaves gentle kisses up your thighs closing in to your cunt. Another moan slips as your whole body tenses at Mattheo’s soft lips only inches/centimetres away from your desperate entrance. “Please.” You moan when you get impatient, purposely sounding as needy as possible knowing that he wouldn’t be able to resist. And you were right, if you beg and sound as sweet as you do, Mattheo is more than willing to comply. His mouth moves between your legs, tongue slipping through your folds, hands grabbing onto you to keep you from squirming when he digs in hard, tongue playing with your clit.

He wanted you noisy, he needed you to come for him. To him it was like his pride depended on it. So there was nothing sweet about how he works your sensitive throbbing cunt, he was mercilessly devouring you while getting rock hard at every moan or whimper that filled the room. When you feel yourself get closer your legs get shaky and your breaths unsteady, making him take full control of your body pressing you against his face and making you yelp as his tongue flicks at your sensitive spot. That desperate sound makes Mattheo moan against your pussy. That groan of a moan has you throw your head back and give in to all the feelings building up, whining as Mattheo tastes your juices not giving you a moment's rest. He loved how messy he had gotten you, the usually so perfect behaving girl.  

Part of you was relieved when he moved away, allowing you to breathe, but you miss his touch quickly and your eyes look soft, but still sparkle enough to make Mattheo grin. His dick was painfully hard and seeing you out of breath but still in need, made him almost spill in his pants. He was over the moon that he could fuck you right here and now, but he wouldn’t let you see how overjoyed he was and kept a filthy smirk up. “I want you naked.” He demands eyes locked with yours as his hand moves to his sweatpants. His demanding voice bothers you but you want his touch and you want his dick. Your eyes fall to his hard cock, clearly visible through the fabric, and without meeting his eyes you slip off your clothes as Mattheo watches, touching himself.

Now fully naked, Mattheo closes the distance between you two and rests his head against yours. “Fuck, you’re gorgious.” He breaths, voice dominant and yet adoring. He drops his pants revealing his size, pumping himself a few times and soaking his hand in precum. You spread your legs a little, resting against the shelves of the small broom closet as Mattheo grabs your thigh, lifting you as he lets his tip explore your soaking folds. You throw your head back at his perfect touch and he groans at the feeling and the view. The moment is intimate as Mattheo is gentle, almost careful, with you when he moves deep inside of you, stretching your walls and making you whimper. He watches your every expression as he keeps on pushing until he’s settled deep. A soft breath leaves you and he feels himself fall in love with your perfection. He leans closer his free hand cupping your face and kissing you tenderly. 

However, Mattheo's eyes quickly move to your chest and then lower to your pussy filled by him. His hands grips the flesh of your ass, so he has a firm hold on you. His hard grip has you gasp and a smirk tugs on Mattheo’s lips as he starts rocking slowly and ever so gently increasing the pace, making sure you get maximum pleasure from every thrust. You cling to the shelves behind you when Mattheo gets rougher, stretching you deep and hitting you right. “You need this, you want this so bad, don’t you?” His voice is dirty and he doesn’t just move, he’s so consumed by the moment that he starts slamming you on him. Your eyes scan his sweaty and panting body as he works so hard to give you all of him. “Mattheo.” You breathe in between soft blissful moans and his eyes shoot up to yours, dark and having you guessing what he’s thinking. “Again.” He whispers as a gentle demand and you comply, doing your best to move your hips with him as you allow yourself to shamelessly moan his name, turning him on even more. You were becoming too much to handle for him. He almost felt the urge to beg for you to come or even to just allow him to come. Luckily for him, your shameless moans reveal how close you are to your orgasm. 

“Matt- ah- I’m so-” He doesn’t let you finish as your voice pushes him too close and he starts pounding into you even harder. “That’s okay, love, come- fuck, please.” He can’t believe he actually begged. He’s a mess and so are you and almost simultaneously you reach your high. Panting, he lets himself fall against you and holds your unstable body as he slips out of you, making you hide your face in the crook of his neck. For several minutes your naked bodies just stay entangled in one another, enjoying the pleasure rush through your body. Slowly, you feel Mattheo’s smirk grow against your cheek. “There’s no denying it now. You want this and you need me.” You ignore his arrogant tone and just continue to rest your arms around his neck and his around your body. “Just admit it, so I can take care of you and we can freshen up together.” Mattheo kisses your cheek softly. “Must you gloat like this?” You huff, still hiding your flustered face and he smiles. “Yes.” God, you loved that raspy, smug voice of his. Neither of you were ready to admit it, but you were down bad for each other.

For Drace, Theodore and Enzo continue reading here

You had apologised and then made it your mission to avoid them for the rest of the day. Despite the guys' attempts, you had kept your composure pretty good. However, Snape was about to ruin it. 

“Out of all the people Snape could’ve paired me with…him.” Pansy snorts at your complaint. “Might get interesting…” Her smile and eyes are devilish and you instantly get more worried than you already were.

Draco

It was late and you were not in the mood for more of Draco’s smugness, but there was no escaping Snape’s project so you headed for the library to meet Draco. It took you a while to find him since he had picked a secluded spot on the first floor of the library. He wasn’t wearing his tie anymore, his hair was a little messy and shirt was partly unbuttoned. He had obviously already done some of the work since he was surrounded by books on the topic. When he noticed you approaching, a bright smile tugged on his lips and you rolled your eyes. When he noticed that he just couldn’t keep quiet. “Not as excited to see me as you were yesterday?”

You took a seat opposite of him and stared at him unamused trying to play tough and not get flustered. “You’ve done some work already?” You ask, changing the subject and gesturing to the books. “Yes, I was hoping if we get it done quickly we can have another dance, I did love the way you moved last night.” This time you try to look stern, but fail, feeling too embarrassed about how you had thrown yourself at him. Clearly remember now how you grinded against him in the middle of the dance floor. “There’s no need to be embarrassed about it, I said I loved it.” He gets up from his chair and you open one of the books to avoid his gaze. “Let’s just focus on the assignment, okay.” You mutter and Draco can’t help but think you’re adorable, blushing and muttering. 

He sits down next to you, but you pretend to read the page in front of you while Draco studies your face. You feel his breath on your cheek as he leans closer to your ear. “And what if I told you, I had already finished it.” His whisper makes you look up at him and suddenly you feel his hand on your thigh. “Draco-” You protest with a soft voice, but Draco ignores it and crashes his lips against yours. His tongue moves over your bottom lip begging for entrance and instinctively you give in to him, simultaneously encouraging him to move his hand on your thigh, stroking you gently. 

You pull away after a moment, but Draco’s lips follow you, his nose brushing yours and eyes locked with yours. “This- I- We can’t.” You whisper barely audible and Draco notices your face head up like crazy. His hand moves under your skirt and you gasp, allowing him to sneak in his tongue and kiss you with eager passion. “We can, you just have to keep quiet.” Draco whispers and you feel his hand tug your panties, but instead of protesting you lean closer to him and kiss him hungrily. He moves one finger slowly through your folds, teasing, while his free hand holds your head to deepen the breathless kiss. However, he doesn’t tease long and you feel him mercilessly exploring your pussy and adding another finger to stretch you. You pull your lips away and gulp as he circles your sensitive clit and his mouth urgently finds yours again to keep you quiet. 

Though there weren’t a lot of people that could hear you, Draco knew well enough it only needed to be heard by one to have the entire school know what you two were up to in the library late at night. Mattheo or Theo probably wouldn’t have cared, but Draco respected and maybe even loved you too much to have your reputation ruined by something like this. Yet he wasn’t going to stop playing with you either, he just had to keep you quiet. When you feel yourself get closer at the pace of his fingers moving you hide your face in his neck, softly biting the flesh of his shoulder to keep yourself from moaning, only whimpering softly. Never had Draco had someone so pretty and perfect cling so desperately to him and he loved it as much as it aroused him, making a deep moan roll over his lips as he rested his head against yours. 

You did not know how turned on you could get by a man, until you heard Draco moan like that. In an instant you decided that his fingers weren’t enough. Without thinking about the location you were in, you look up at Draco, eyes needy for him. “I want to sit on your cock.” You whisper and his eyes widen at your blunt suggestion, did he really hear you say that? With his lips parted in shock he nods, leaning back a bit to give you space to move out of your seat. As you get up Draco unbuckles his belt still staring at you in disbelief, but also eager to move his pants down and reveal his hard dick to you. He wanted you so bad and he was about to have you. Blushing and still a little shy you look at his hard member, feeling your pussy throb at the side of his size. 

Slowly and a little insecure about the whole situation while also so desperate to have him deep inside of you, you rest one hand on his shoulder and straddle him. Your free hand moves your panties to the side and Draco holds his size, guiding it inside of you as you sink down on him. “Fuck. You’re-” You interrupt him by placing a finger on his lips to remind him that in a library you have to be quiet. His hand moves to the back of your head and he pulls you in for a tender but intense kiss. 

In an attempt to stay quiet you decide to move slowly, making the moment between you two more intimate. Watching you throw your head back and bite your lip as you ride him slowly but hard has Draco’s fingers digging into your hips as he feels himself get closer really quickly. Shamelessly you grind on his dick, pleasing yourself with every move you make, while simultaneously enjoying Draco’s hungry eyes on you. 

You both struggle to reduce your moans to soft whimpers, but as you reach your high your eyes get teary as you're forced to keep quiet. Draco notices and crashes his lips onto yours for a sloppy and needy kiss as he bucks his dick a few times, hitting your soft spot hard and deep, pushing you over the edge. Soft cries get muffled by Draco’s hungry kiss. Your walls clench around Draco’s cock and he continues to thrust into you, less and less worried about the sounds others might hear. Soon enough he cums, slamming himself deep inside of you and wrapping his arms around you as you both enjoy the ecstasy of your orgasm. After several minutes of panting in each other's arms, Draco gives you a soft kiss on your temple. “Not that I would mind being seen with you, but I think we should pack up and maybe head to a room, mine or yours.” You chuckle, still not really believing what had just happened, what you had done… with Draco Malfoy of all people. “We need to finish our potions project.” You blur out as your mind starts to focus on reality again. Draco cups your cheek and forces you to meet his eyes. “I wasn’t kidding earlier, I did all the work so you just have to put your name on it.” You frown at his words and he smirks. “Don’t worry about it, you did your part by doing all the other work.” You roll your eyes at his suggestive comment, but when his lips search for yours you meet him for a sweet kiss. 

Theodore + Enzo

“Enzo!” Theodore yells as Enzo walks in wearing only a towel. “What are you doing here? (y/n) will be here any moment.” Enzo fakes a surprised look. “Oh! No! I totally forgot about that.” Theodore grits his teeth, seeing through Enzo’s little act. “You sneaky bastard, you are not stealing this opportunity. Snape partnered her up with me, this is ‘my’ chance to win her over.” Lorenzo stops acting innocent and grins. “Worried this will steal your potions partner away from you.” He gestures at his toned body and low hanging towel, making Theodore roll his eyes at his friend.

Just then you knock at the door. “Yes.” Enzo says one split second before Theodore says “No!”. Angry eyes shoot up to Enzo, but there’s no time for Theo to do anything about Enzo’s presence now as you open the door. Your eyes immediately land on the half naked Enzo grinning at you and you narrow your eyes in confusion. Theodore loses his mind when he notices you only have eyes for Enzo and in a desperate attempt to make you look away he takes off his shirt and his plan works because now your eyes are on him, which makes Theo smirk, proud of his genius. 

“Yeah. Not happening.” You say and turn around, making both guys panic. “No, no.” Theodore says as he closes the door before you reach it. He leans against the door and you watch him with stern eyes, but it’s Enzo who speaks. “Look the deal was you drank the potion to sober up and we do whatever you want.” You don’t turn around to look at Enzo, but just stare at the doorknob. Theodore closes the distance between you two, leaving no space between you two. “It’s okay to want it, we’ll be good to you.” His hands cup your face and make you look up at him, eyes locking so there’s no escaping the truth. Enzo holds his breath as he can feel himself get way too excited at the thought of the both of them actually having you. 

You don’t answer, but you make no move to leave and that’s enough for them to know you want it as bad as they want it. Enzo moves to stand behind you. Shameless pressing his hard dick against you, hands move over your hips to your thighs. “Kiss him.” Enzo says and Theo leans in, knowing you’ll obey. The kiss is passionate and Theo’s tongue is eager to dominate, while Enzo’s hand slips between your thighs and pushes your panties aside, making you hold onto Theo’s shoulders for support. You moan as Enzo’s finger moves between your folds and Theodore allows you to breathe for a second to take in the view before his hands move under your shirt to knead your breasts. As soon as another helpless moan leaves you his lips are on yours again. 

Meanwhile Enzo’s fingers don’t stop playing with your clit as he rubs his hard dick against you. “Tell us, what did you want us to do last night?” Theo whispers, intense eyes focused on yours. You hesitate and Theodore brushes your cheek, while Enzo presses himself closer to you. “Tell us, sweetheart.” Enzo whispers. You’re not brave enough to use your words but your eyes and hand move down to the bulge in Theodore’s pants and he smirks. Enzo’s hand leaves you and Theodore takes a step away from you, unbuckling his pants, making you whimper at the sight of his large size. Enzo still stands behind you with an arm around you as you watch Theodore sit on his bed and jerk his hard member. Enzo kisses your neck, while working on the buttons of your shirt, before getting impatient and just tearing your shirt off. You moan and throw your head back as Enzo takes off your bra and plays with your breasts, while Theo watches, eyes hungry. Fuck, you’re a view.

“If you suck him nice and good, I’ll take care of that desperate pussy of yours.” Enzo’s fingers play with your nipple earning him a whiny moan and taking that as yes to his proposition. Theodore moves on the bed as Enzo guides you towards his friend. Theodore reaches for you, kissing you and cupping your breasts as you crawl on the bed with Enzo right behind you, his hand moving under your skirt and squeezing your ass. Theodore’s fingers entangle with your hair and move your head down to his cock, while Enzo has a firm grip on your hips keeping your ass up so he can easily snake a hand between your legs. Your throbbing clit is victim to Enzo’s endless teasing and playing as you do your best to take as much of Theodore's length as you can, while Theo’s free hand rubs your nipple between his fingers. 

It only takes seconds to turn you into a whimpering and moaning mess as both men play with every part of you, overstimulating you. Your walls clench around Enzo’s fingers, soaking them with your juices. As your orgasm runs through you, your eyes get teary and Theodore pulls you away from his dick to kiss you, but Enzo doesn’t stop and you whine into the kiss. “Do you want him to fuck you?” Theo asks and with watery eyes you nod, ignoring your sensitive cunt in favour of your needy core. A filthy smirk spreads on Theodore lips as his eyes drown in your needy ones. “You like being fucked like a doll, played with like your our toy?” Theodore taunts and you whine as Enzo’s fingers leave your pussy. “Such a desperate little girl with a needy pussy. ‘you gonna take me so good.” Enzo says with a dirty sound to his voice that has you look at Theodore, begging for mercy you know you’re not gonna get because they know you don’t really want it. With a hungry force Enzo rips off your skirt and panties.

Theo moves your head back down as your eyes stay focussed on his smirk. Enzo moans as he pumps himself, before lining himself up with your entrance. You whimper with Theo’s dick in your mouth when Enzo pushes himself deep inside of you. You try your best to focus on sucking Theo’s member, but as soon Enzo starts thrusting immediately keeping a steady pace the best you can do is let Theo bob your head and take him deep every time he bucks his hips needing more. Your moans turn to desperate whimpers, signalling to both Slytherins that you’re close to your second orgasm. With haste Theodore starts fucking your mouth searching his own high so he can come with you. It’s Theodore’s breathy moans that push you over the edge, your body squirm as pleasure washes over you and your walls clench around Enzo’s cock. Theo orgasms only seconds after you, leaving cum dripping from your mouth. “So pretty.” Theodore's hoarse voice whispers as his thumb moves over your lip, holding your chin so you meet his eyes, while your pussy is still taking Enzo from behind you. Theo’s eyes look soft as his mind is still hazy from the high he had just felt. Your eyes are glassy as Enzo has you building up to a third orgasm, hitting you right with every thrust, groaning as he struggles to keep a steady pace, feeling the need to spill inside your tight cunt.

“Fuck.” Enzo breathes, taking you harder each time, making your moans sound like desperate cries. “Fuck. She sounds beautiful.” Enzo says with a heavy breath, making Theodore smirk in agreement as he watches you. “Yeah.” Theo whispers watching your flustered face, orgasm building. You're too overwhelmed to notice Theodore’s smirk turn into a filthy grin, before he moves away from you. “Just spill, Enz. I bet she wants both of us to fill her.” Theo’s words make you sink your head into the sheets as you feel your body get more desperate for another release. Mercilessly pounding into you Enzo searches his own high, turning your moans pornographic as his body repeatedly smacks against yours. Out of the corner of your eye you can see Theo jerk himself like a madman watching Enzo fuck you. Out of breath Enzo pushes deep inside of you, filling your cunt with his cum and enjoying your walls clench as he climaxes. 

You can already feel Theo’s hand trace your body as Enzo slowly pulls out, leaving your soaked but needy cunt aching for release, but also sensitive and overstimulated. You can’t help but instinctively squirm at Theo’s touch, but when Enzo lets himself fall next to you his soft shiny eyes relax your body. He looks blissful adoring your flustered face and he pulls your face closer to his to passionately kiss you as Theo’s large hands grab the flesh of your asscheeks while aligning his thick cum dripping cock with your throbbing pussy. You bury your head in Enzo’s gentle embrace as Theo pushes you towards another climax. “Salazar, you’re perfect like this.” Enzo whispers in your ear as you make soft noises, while a smirking Theo takes you hard, quickly cumming inside. “Satisfied now that your needy cunt is filled by both of us?” You hear Theo ask with a dirty dominant tone and you squirm closer to Enzo’s soft embrace, too embarrassed that you let both men come inside of you. 

Theo leans over you to cover your naked body with a soft blanket, but as vulnerable as you look he can’t help but tease a little more. “Nothing left of that innocent act of yours, you're our little slut now.” You feel Theo’s soft lips place a gentle kiss on your cheek and Enzo squeeze you a little closer, biting his lip still enjoying the wonderful experience. 

Requested tags for this one: @lauramjcmanus @whiteoakoak @bri-mercado-00 @adreamingpendulum

[lastnightonthecyclone]

me making a Ivan the terrible drawing with Amanda and Lindsey Perez but with a twist

“not every single character in saw needs to have an AU where they’re an apprentice it doesn’t even make sense for so many of them it adds nothing and is annoying and i hate fun” okay but

[suzuran777]

Review: Akaya Akashiya Ayakashi No

A while ago the Nintendo Switch and Steam versions of Akaya Akashiya Ayakashi No were released, so I had to finally replay this game! It was originally released on PC in 2011 by Haccaworks, who are also known for their previous work Hanakisou. This game isn't technically a BL game, but I think BL fans would still like it! This time the game's also available in English and Chinese.

The story focuses on protagonist Yue, a human who lives together with a group of Ayakashi. He was born and raised there and never left the shrine grounds, but one night, his childhood friend Kurogitsune takes him to the nearby festival. During his very first trip to the outside world, Yue meets two boys who he grows interested in and wants to learn more about. After returning to the shrine, the shrine's goddess Mikoto informs him that preparations for Yue's "meal" have started.

This game has 4 different routes and quite a lot of different endings. I used this guide which helped me a lot! It's in Japanese but even if you Google Translate it I think it should be clear what choices to choose. Other than the usual choices, you also get to choose the location you want to explore, so I often got bad endings when I wasn't checking the guide. The recommended route order is Akiyoshi > Tsubaki > Sagano > Kurogitsune, as some endings are locked.

In this game, the Ayakashi usually live far away from humans in the mountains, but they took a liking to the local shrine which was originally created by worshippers of goddess Mikoto-no-Nushi. Yue doesn't remember most of his past and has been living at the shrine together with the Ayakashi for as long as he can remember. He knows he's different than the Ayakashi, but he also doesn't fully remember why he's living with them. His best friend, Kurogitsune, is a black fox who's always together with him. He does have a humanoid form too but usually he takes the shape of a small fox sitting on Yue's shoulder.

During Yue's trip to the festival, he meets two of the characters who have their own routes in this game, a boy who always wears a mask called Akiyoshi, and a blond haired boy called Tsubaki. Tsubaki doesn't really understand what Yue's deal is, and Akiyoshi is immediately suspicious of him. Regardless, Yue wants to learn more about them.

After returning home, Yue and Kurogitsune get scolded by the individual who owns the shrine (Sato). He's hoping that Mikoto, the shrine goddess, will punish both of them for secretly going to the festival, but she always forgives Yue no matter what he does lol. Yue doesn't really understand it when Mikoto tells him it's time for his "meal" and why he should choose between one of the boys he just met. Ayakashi eat humans and when a human is caught by them, other people lose memories of this person (being spirited away). But Yue is no Ayakashi, which is why he's confused.

During the next days in the game, Yue meets Akiyoshi and Tsubaki again and slowly becomes friends with them, even though both are still suspicious of him. Kurogitsune is also quite bad at hiding that he can in fact talk, so the others immediately know he's an Ayakashi too lol. The dialogue suggests regular people can't see him when he's in his human form, but both Akiyoshi and Tsubaki are exceptions because of their bloodlines and are able to see ghosts and Ayakashi.

The town where the characters live in, Utsuwa, is permanently stuck in a night cycle, though it seems like the residents don't think it's anything unusual. At some point some strange things happen in town and slowly more and more people go missing. Additionally, monsters called Akujiki appear more frequently, who similar to Ayakashi, also eat humans. Because their abilities aren't as strong as Ayakashi, usually when they eat someone other people don't completely lose their memories of this person. As a result of this, Yue and the others run into people walking around town mindlessly, forgetting what they were doing outside in the first place. While investigating these incidents, Yue is approached by stranger called Sagano who tells Yue he's taking his body back. After trying to fight Yue though, he retreats because I guess it wasn't the right time yet. Sagano is kind of funny because he always looks ready to attack Yue but there's always some kind of excuse why he doesn't do it.

Even though it's an old game I still love the character designs, CGs and backgrounds. It creates an atmosphere which really suits the setting of the game. The music in this game is also very good and quite nostalgic to me, I think many people who aren't familiar with the game at least know the opening song by Shikata Akiko! It's also really convenient that the Switch version lets you skip backwards so if you do make a wrong choice, you can easily go back and fix it. The game also has a button to skip to the next important event or choice, which is faster than just pressing the skip read dialogue option.

Final impressions

I was really curious what I would think about this game because the first time I played this was over 10 years ago. The original PC version is also unvoiced, and since I never had a PSP this is my first time playing the voiced version. I still really like the plot and characters, there's a lot of side characters but they all have their own charm. Many of the endings are quite bittersweet because the conflicts between the characters aren't something that can easily be solved. What I really like is that every main character in this game is relevant to the plot, even outside of their own route. The Tsubaki family has been targeted by the foxes from the shrine for a long time, while the Tochika family (Akiyoshi's family) is the complete opposite and the foxes would rather stay away from them. Sagano also has his connections to the Ayakashi of the shrine, but I won't spoil the endings!

Something I did notice is that even though the game's translated into English, there's a few typos in this version, sometimes in the game dialogue, but also in some of the menus. During one of the earlier scenes the dialogue randomly turned into the original Japanese text too, for about three lines I think? I'm not sure if this got patched and it probably won't ruin your playthrough, but maybe it's good to know. Overall I think the translation is pretty straight-forward and it doesn't change most of the Japanese terms

[love-iathan]

Sweet Boy

Masterlist | Seelie Key

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Character(s): Wanderer, Ei (brief)

Reader: Gender Neutral, Creator

Warning(s): Does not follow cannon

Word Count: 1681

Note(s): I wrote this on and off while I was sick, like 2 weeks ago, so it might be garbage and all over the place :)

You peacefully watched the rain storm, the downpour watering your crops. Suddenly pulled from your daydream by a knock at the door, you walked over and opened it, preparing to reprimand whomever disturbed you. Stopping in your tracks when you realised it was Ei, who was holding a much smaller boy in her arms.

"Your Grace, I've made a mistake." Hearing Ei admit to such a thing was unheard of.

Allowing her into your home, you sat at the table. "Who's the child?" You asked, gesturing to the seat across from you.

With a bit of hesitation, Ei sat down, the boy cradled in her lap. "Do you remember when I asked your permission to make a puppet?"

"I do," you replied, growing a bit concerned where this was going.

Ei's mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. After a few seconds of silence, she finally got the words out. "I can't force him to be my puppet."

Cocking an eyebrow, you reached over to your teapot, pouring both of you a cup. "Care to elaborate?"

Once again, she looked like a fish out of water, trying to organise her thoughts. "Last night, he shed tears. I'd never forgive myself if I forced him to be my puppet."

Slowly gathering the main issue, you chuckled. "All of you have always had such complex emotions, whether you'd like to admit it or not." You joked, referring to her and the rest of the Archons. "You think of him as your son, don't you?"

Ei's silence said it all. "Your Grace, what should I do?" She seemed to grow more distressed as time went on.

"Well, you have a few options. 1, you can keep him, raise him, not as a puppet, but as your son. Create a new puppet using what you've learned making him. 2, let fate decide what should happen to him."

"Do you mean abandon him?" She asked, almost panicked, forgetting her manners. With a gasp, she whispered, "my apologies."

"Or, 3, let him be your puppet, as originally planned, and let him prove his worth."

Ei sighed, looking down at her puppet. "It's not that he isn't worthy, Your Grace." She trailed off, uncomfortable with needing to make this choice, wishing you'd just do it for her.

"Ei, I know this is a difficult decision for you to make, but I cannot make it for you. I also can't take him," you sipped on your tea. "Me taking him would be equivalent to creating another Archon, which could potentially lead to a 2nd Archon War. I'm sorry dear Ei, but I cannot risk that."

Ei sighed, knowing you were right, asking you to take on the boy would be disrespectful.

Walking around the table to stand next to her, you placed your hand on her shoulder. "Drink your tea and give it some thought. You both may stay here tonight, I hope you have your decision by tomorrow."

The next day, you saw Ei in the same spot you left her last night, although the boy was sleeping on the futon in the living area. Despite her not needing sleep, she had dark bags under her eyes, as if she'd been up for days. "Ei, are you alright?"

Startled by your question, she jumped, "yes, my apologies, Your Grace. I've just been thinking about what I should do."

"Well, it's still quite early, how about we eat something and then we'll discuss your options more in depth."

With a quick nod, you began making something simple. Dishing out 3 portions, you set Ei's in front of her, one in your spot and the last at the end of the table. You walked into the living area, slowly approaching the still sleeping boy.

Kneeling down, you gently shook him awake. "Sweetheart? Wake up, you should eat something." Being this close to him for the first time, you really noticed the resemblance between him and Ei.

The boy slowly opened his eyes, the same purple as his mother. "Hello." He said meekly.

You smiled, taking his hand. "Come over here, eat with us." He followed you, visibly relaxing when he saw Ei, a familiar face. Gesturing to the table, you sat down, waiting for him to sit as well. Ei sat in silence, staring at her plate. "You may eat, now."

Ei picked up her cutlery, eating in silence. The boy looked between you and Ei in confusion; as far as he knew, Ei was the most powerful being alive. So why did she only begin eating after you allowed it? Who exactly were you, and why did Ei seem on edge around you? Almost scared of you.

"All of your questions will be answered in due time." You affirmed, seemingly reading his mind.

The three of you ate in silence, although questions raced through his head. Would it be rude to ask them? If you were so powerful, surely you'd punish him for speaking out of turn. Deciding to keep his questions to himself for now, he finished his food, opting to look around himself.

Taking in his surrounding, he was startled to hear Ei's voice. "Your Grace," although her voice was barely above a whisper, you looked up from your plate. "I believe I've made my decision." She trailed off, quickly grabbing a cup, which he assumed was water and downing it.

You smiled at her. "Wonderful. We will speak about it later."

The boy, now known as Scaramouche, was abandoned by his mother, his creator. His last "happy" memory with her was the night he ate with you both. Scaramouche grew to despise you as well. He believed you'd been the one to convinced Ei to leave him, abandon him.

If you created Teyvat, knew everything that was going to happen, and had the power to change the course of history, why didn't you change his destiny? Why did you knowing allow Ei to abandoned him? It didn't make since to him. While still the innocent and curious kabukimono, he'd hoped that you'd come looking for him and take him to your home.

As the days past him by, he'd realised he wasn't wanted, so he gave up, the last of his innocence leaving him when the young boy betrayed him. His heart grew cold, leaving Inazuma, and the pain it cause him, behind.

Centuries later, you heard news from Sumeru that the Akademiya's Sages were attempting to create an Archon, using none other than Scaramouche. Having rarely left your home since his creation, you didn't know that Sumeru didn't have an active Archon, so when you arrived to aid the blonde traveler, you didn't recognise the small God.

After Scaramouche's defeat, you spoke to the Archon and traveler, learning their names. The traveler told you everything they knew up to this point, about Scaramouche, his life as the Balladeer, and the Sage's plans. "Neither of you need to worry about him, he'll be fine. Nahida, would you mind keeping an eye on him? He's going to be quite weak when he wakes up. I'll come collect him once he's awake."

The Dendro Archon agrees, with a bit of hesitation, understandably so; the puppet had just tried to overtake her position as Archon. When Scaramouche finally woke up, Nahida called for you to collect him. While he was still delirious, he recognised you immediately, trying to get away from you.

Seeing him, you sauntered right up to him, taking his face into your hands gently. "Ah, you've grown so much. I just wish your life hadn't gone down such a dark path."

Irritated, Scaramouche slapped your hands away. "If you're so sorry, why didn't you stop it from happening?" He shouted, turning his back to you.

"It was too dangerous. I wouldn't have been able to ensure Teyvat's, or even your, safety." You turned him back around, one hand on his shoulder. "I remember the night Ei brought you to my home; you were so innocent."

The words felt degrading, yet somehow warm. "Why did you let her abandon me?" His aggressive tone shifted to a vaguely vulnerable one, his voice wavering ever-so slightly.

With a deep breath, you pulled him into your chest, listening as he struggled to hold back tears. "Ei was very attached to you, even though it only been a few days. She didn't want you to be forced into a life of servitude, but she didn't want you to feel as though you'd been replaced."

"I don't... I don't understand," he mumbled.

Running your fingers through his hair, you pulled him tighter against you. "I'm sure you know you were created to be Ei's puppet, but the night before she brought you to me, you cried in your sleep." You rested your chin on his head. "She was worried that, that if she went through with her plan to make you her puppet, you'd be unhappy."

Scaramouche continued to try and push you away for a few minutes before giving in and crying into your chest. "Why was I not good enough?"

"Oh, sweet boy, you are more than enough. That night," you pressed a kiss to the top of his head, "Ei and I wanted you to decide your own fate, let you forge your own path through life. Had I known she'd leave you alone without talking to you about our decision, I would have intervened."

"What?" Confused, the ex-Harbinger pulled away from you.

Wiping the stray tears from his cheeks, "I didn't learn what happened to you until after Ei made the Raiden Shogun, even then, I had to ask. She was still upset about her sister's death, it's not a excuse and she was punished justly."

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

You smiled, "for what, darling? You didn't nothing wrong."

"I've hurt so many people. Killed so many people. I'm sorry."

"Sweetheart, look at me," you lifted his chin. "You were hurting. While it is no more an excuse than Ei's, it is an explanation. You just need to be prepared for the consequences, sweet boy."

Using "x male reader" tags to summon the audience I want 🙏

[bluegekk0]

In Terms of Memory-Loss, what's with the Rumor, that you lose your Memory, when you leave Hallownest? Quirrel lost his memories when he left and had to re-explore the place. Same with Ghost

Yeah that's one of the things I didn't include in my AU. I have a feeling it's something that might get slightly retconned with Silksong, since it's a completely new kingdom that, at least from what we've seen, shows that there are still other places that are or were at some point thriving, outside of Hallownest's influence. And because travel is such a big part of my AU, I decided that I wanted to maintain my vision without complicating it too much, so the complete memory loss that's suggested in the game isn't a thing here.

That being said, Hallownest is still surrounded by wilderness that is notoriously difficult to survive in. Straying from the road is a bad idea, the cold is unforgiving, and many beasts adapted to the environment and are just waiting for a careless traveler to walk right into their trap. If you want to survive, you must adapt, and perhaps that comes with forgetting what civilization is like. So in a way, the concept in the game is still somewhat there, just a lot less literal. Your memories don't get erased, but you can slowly forget yourself if you're forced to face the endless dangers and pain you'll experience in the wilderness. Cold wastes surround the mountains that create the Hallownest borders, with many frozen corpses of unfortunate beasts and travelers, but as you get further and further away, the region becomes more forgiving.

So perhaps the rumor has started as advice, to not travel outside of the borders as it's far too dangerous. Of course, as more travelers risked it, the main road became safer, and the beasts moved back into the wilderness out of fear of the light and large groups of travelers (such as merchant groups and the Troupe, who traveled the road frequently as Grimm was visiting FPK in the White Palace).

As for Quirrel... He was given temporary immortality by Monomon so that he could protect her mask (how exactly she did that, I have no idea, let's just pretend it was FPK's soul spell or something like that), perhaps the memory loss was connected to it. Similarly to how the immortality given by Grimm can result in memory issues after leaving the Troupe, maybe Quirrel also suffered from memory problems due to the unstable nature of his condition. He stopped aging, yes, but perhaps it wasn't a perfect solution and his memories would become too confusing to keep track of. Just another sign that immortality, while tempting, can have its own drawbacks if given to a mortal.

Not necessarily connected to immortality but still a similar idea, this also reminds me of FPK and his over-reliance on soul to avoid eating. Gods can use their powers to skip on those basic biological needs, but he was never one. Sure, he naturally didn't age, but he still needed to eat, he was a creature of bones and blood, not some otherworldly being. Soul, as it turned out, was only a temporary solution, and it eventually became clear that someone like him couldn't rely on it forever and if he didn't eat, he would ultimately starve and die. I like that little theme, that little reminder that not everyone can handle such state or powers, and that the gods are gods for a reason. You can try to imitate them, but you can't change reality.

When it comes to Ghost, I imagine they simply just left Hallownest as soon as they climbed out of the Abyss. So they didn't experience memory loss, instead they simply didn't know anything and had to learn it after they were called back by their sibling. I like to think they spent all those years in distant towns and cities, either hiding away or helping out the folk in small tasks. Would be a nice explanation for why they're eager to do it despite their no-nonsense personality, and maybe why they ended up forgetting things about their birthplace. It's been years since they left, and if they had a job to focus on, it makes sense that they wouldn't think much about it.

So yeah, the concept does still have some connection to the AU, but it's much more vague that straight up erased memories.

[sparrowlovesskittles]

Shadow spoilers under the cut

Review time!

Holy fuck it was SO GOOD.

THINGS I ENJOYED

THE FROG SCENE. My new favourite warriors moment. I need to draw Nightheart with a frog suckered onto his face. Incredible. Nightheart is such a silly goofy guy and I'm so glad he gets to do stupid things each book.

SPLASHTAIL!!!!!! This is a BIG one for me, and ohhhh he was so evil it was so GOOD. We really got to see his manipulative side come out here and I adored it

Splashtail rejecting Frostpaw because it would be weird to date an apprentice. It's a small thing, but it's nice to have a little bit of canon saying hey. Stop.

Frostpaw slowly realising something is Wrong in RiverClan, but still turning to Splashtail because he built up trust between them. It's so clever and dark

Harelight! I like the guy and I'm glad he gets a little bit of spotlight. It's also nice to see him telling Frostpaw that he can help her learn to disguise her pale coat, I feel like I haven't seen that mentioned in a while.

Cloverfoot mentioning how Mistystar decorated her den with shells and feathers!!

Frostpaw getting to girlboss a bit. It was nice! She knows what's right for her and you CANNOT change her mind!

HER ENDING????? OH MY GOD I feel stupid but I did NOT see that coming I was so shocked it was like Curlfeather all over again LMAO. Why did they wait until she was right outside WindClan though. She'll be found and live. I highly doubt they'd kill off their best protagonist on book 3.

The trials! I know they were maybe a bit boring but I actually liked seeing them, AND seeing Berryheart get more and more pissed off throughout the book LMAO. Hilarious how they gave Nightheart a trial he basically already did last book (stealing from the twolegs)

Tigerstar hates socks

Berryheart. She's terrible. It's fun.

Sunbeam is still a pushover. Sure she stands up for herself a bit more now, but she usually chooses to back down in the face of conflict. I'm glad she's kept her personality after getting with Nightheart, which leads me to...

Sunbeam and Nightheart's relationship. I actually thought they were written okay for once. Sunbeam is not so sure about him at first (and is reasonably upset he publicly declared his love for her and decided to move in with her without consulting her first) but we actually get to see her come to appreciate him more. It's not the strongest romance obviously, but for warrior cats, the way it was handled in this book (not the other two) was actually not that bad, and I didn't mind that they stayed together in the end. I liked seeing them spend time together and I liked the way they described each other's personality traits. Sunbeam thinking Nightheart's confidence was attractive, and Nightheart thinking about how he'll miss her cleverness and courage more than anything else. I dunno, I felt pleasantly surprised.

Nightheart realising he was being unreasonable and coming to understand his family's reasons for acting the way they did, and especially the way he reconciled with Sparkpelt! They both got a chance to apologise and forgive each other (and themselves) and it was really nice to see.

Sunbeam saying Blazefire 'broke up' with her?? Warriors never uses this casual language for relationships, especially when they weren't even officially mates to begin with, it was kinda jarring to see but I liked it

THINGS I DID NOT ENJOY

Nightheart's sudden switch back to ThunderClan feels sudden and unearned. He was literally fighting with Sparkpelt and Finchlight earlier in the book and then at some point he realised he was wrong for that off screen. Also I was kind of unreasonably irritated that he failed his last task on purpose lmao

Frostpaw not telling anyone anything. Frostpaw please talk to people.

WHY DID EVERYONE FORGET ABOUT TREE??????? WHY ISN'T TREE MEDIATING??????????????

MIXED FEELINGS

Squirrelstar. While I'm happy Bramblestar is stepping down, I'm not jazzed about Squirrelstar. I like Squirrelflight, but she's been around a long time now and I want someone newer. To be honest, I'm basically waiting for the older characters to die out at this point, and if Squirrelflight's going to stick around for the next several arcs, she's going to become the next Mistystar.

Sunbeam moving to ThunderClan. While I predicted this would happen, and it's kind of fun for now, it means we now have two perspectives in ThunderClan AGAIN. I am begging warrior cats to let go of ThunderClan. Having two POV characters in the same overused clan is not as fun as they think it is. Also, Sunbeam saying 'Berryheart was right about everything' then immediately changing her mind was kinda disappointing. Let Sunbeam have a villain arc.

[tic-toc-clock77]

My mom got diagnosed with bipolar recently and last night I went to stay with her. It was a very emotional night for me so you'll probably be seeing a lot of Dwellers content involving the mothers of the cast for a bit. Maternal angst, here we come. More of a personal explanation below

cws; neglect, drinking, abuse, abandonment

We talked about a lot of things; mostly about she had a lot of regrets in raising me how she did and it was the most lucidity she's ever had, that i've ever seen her have in all of my 16 years alive. Her impulses and her stunted mentality are still present but she seems better. I lost faith slowly in my mother since I could remember; she pushed me away, neglected me and I always felt alone in her home during the weeks. I lost all faith in my mother when I was 7, I held such incredible disdain that I still sometimes feel today.

My mother was never a "mother". For years, I was blamed for her messes, her problems and she always found ways to shit talk me to her friends. She abandoned me regularly for random men and even treated me as if I were coemption for the romantic/sexual affections of her adult lovers when I was 9 years old and had begun puberty. I nearly broke my arm once and had laughed at me while taking photos, she did the same when I'd fallen off my bike after she didn't allow me to wear the proper gear my dad bought me.

My mother never cleaned, meaning our house was a mess, our dishes weren't clean and she refused to clean them so I could eat, I ended up doing it myself or trying to learn to live with it. My mom would also waste money; she wouldn't by groceries or anything we actually needed. Instead she spent all our money on clothing and other expensive fashion things. There's a lot of other things too.

I held this disdain since age 7, I bottled everything up until 4 years later, at age 11 and on Christmas, my parents got into a huge argument and I decided I didn't want to go back and forth anymore, I wanted to live full time with my Dad. My dad left and told me to call him if he needed to pick me up. When I tried calling him, my Mom took my phone, threatening me not to leave but I left anyway, taking my phone back and abandoning her.

Now that time is passed and she seems better, I can't allow myself to forgive and forget these things, even now that she's on proper medication, I find it hard to trust her, I don't think I ever will.

I don't think I even love her at all, she's not my mother by anything but blood which makes it hard to write motherly characters like Connie Rogers.

I wish I knew what it was like to have a mother but I don't, I'll have to settle for writing a mother thats better than mine

[archoniic]

@yuelun // you have nobody but yourself to blame for this actually. the rite of parting. final goodbyes, letting go & forgiveness. inspired by : this version of lovers oath.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐀𝐃 ��𝐎𝐌𝐄; while many in Liyue were saying goodbye to their Archon and wondering what the future would hold for them without Rex Lapis. Zhongli was saying goodbye to his past. While sad for many of the residents, perhaps some were even a little fearful. For him, it was bittersweet. A chapter in his story finally coming to a close. Perhaps it had been long overdue, for how long had he held on to his past, clutched tightly within the palms of his hand. So tightly, he barely lived in the present. The people had long since proven to him that they were fine on their own; they no longer needed him to hold their hand or guide them. But what of him? Holding on the way he had done; living within a memory -- he missed so many things in the here and now. It was time to truly let go. While the thought had his heart ache in ways he could not even begin to put into words, it felt right. As though now was the time he'd been waiting for all those thousands of years.

Perhaps this was where it was all supposed to end. There was a smile upon his face, Goodbyes are never truly forever, after all. It simply marks the end of one journey; making way for the beginning of another. Had she not once said that to him? Many years ago? Her voice still as fresh in his memory now, as it was back then. Her laughter echoing in his ears as he allowed himself to recall memories he usually pushed further back in his mind. Remembering a time he knew little of mortal emotions; a laugh escaped him. Causing one of the residents of Liyue to glance to him almost scornfully. "Apologies." Eyes drawn to the glaze lilies, amazed they lingered; though now scattered across the land and far more sparse than they had been.

Memories of banquets held, laughter shared; debates had. A time where things had been both much simpler, and yet entirely more complicated. Morax had to learn to navigate the ways of the mortals to truly understand them, to become the Archon they needed and the one they deserved. With her help and guidance, he had done just that. Leading their people into a prosperous future, never once forgetting any of the things that she had taught him. And neither will they. Though our names may fade from their memories in the future; this land has become what it is, in part; thanks to you, Guizhong. I hope that you would be happy with all they have achieved.

A final look to where the lilies lay, the smell of the incense in the air; not known to many, but so hauntingly familiar to him. He was at peace with his decision, more than. Zhongli had no regrets in laying his past to rest, no regrets on finally ending the chapter that had prevailed for much too long. She could rest now, as could he.

Movement caught his eye from atop a cliff; her figure there, looking down over Liyue, over them, over him. Another smile would tug at his lips, how perfectly I recall you, even now. He thought, simply a memory; one he'd had many times over the years. How befitting that she should appear to him like that on this day of all days. Thank you, Guizhong. He would remain looking at that cliff edge for a while, not daring to look away in case she would disappear. But in the goodbye, in forgiving himself, he knew he had to.

One day our paths will cross once more... until then...

And he turned away, walking slowly through the crowd and making his way out of the harbour. He would not look back, after all; that was not the point of a goodbye. No, instead; he would simply look ahead. For he had all the time in the world now to see new things, new places; experience things he had yet to experience.

And when that time came that they would be reunited; oh, how many new stories would he have to share?

I will live this life for us both.

[soundlessdragon]

The past few weeks I kept encountering other people's personal accounts of radical love and reconciliation, where significant hurt has happened but one side chose to forgive and renew a relationship with a strength only God can give. And it only added to my own daily internal conflict of wondering if I have a duty to reconnect with that ex-bff I broke up with 2 years ago. Time has of course softened the remembered severity of our last fight, and my perception always defaults ambiguous situations to "I'm at fault," so over these 2 years I've been slowly more convinced that I was hardly if at all justified in my choice to end the relationship. And the idea I may have a moral Christian obligation to attempt to rekindle it is frightening lol especially since she contacted me several times over the first year to basically just yell at me and insult me and try to verbally hurt me lol. She's had a lot of trauma and I would have no idea what to do but maybe I am supposted to step off that cliff in faith and trust God to use me? Idek. I definitely don't feel strong enough spiritually/emotionally, especially considering the increased responsibility I have now as a mother, where even before children I was struggling to be a good, patient, kind, and godly friend to her.

Anyway last night I finally prayed about it specifically "please make it clear to me what you want me to do." And today I have randomly encountered two examples of how she treated me badly during disagreements back when we were still friends, and repeated abusive behaviors at me that she had learned from her parents and boyfriend:

She verbally degraded me with insults, demeaning my intelligence, my values, my humanity, my choices, and my family.

She gaslit me at least twice (but probably more seeing as I didn't even realize it until I looked back at saved evidence), saying she didn't do something to hurt me and then when shown proof just brushing it off and changing the topic.

She projected her own insecurities on me often: insulting me for my interests and saying I only like nerdy things because I want to look cool to nerdy guys, accusing me of outing her to my parents when I never talk about her to my family but she is constantly talking to her family about me, etc.

I understand emotional projection and unconsciously repeating abusive behaviors on others is not something that someone with trauma can easily unlearn, but this was still after she'd been in therapy for maybe 3-5 years, if not more, and she never genuinely apoligized for it. She'd say "yeah okay sorry let's forget about it and move on" when called out ... 😅 yikes hindsight is 20/20 🚩

I'm not sure if this is God's full answer yet, that I made the right choice, but it helps me have some closure about ending the friendship and where I am now in life.

[yigahye]

&&. announcing her royal highness, ( yi “camilla” gahye ), the ( 31 ) year old ( princess ) of ( south korea ). she is often confused with ( lim ji yeon ). some say that she is ( tenuous & conniving ), but she is actually ( disciplined & polished ). ( ooc: ashley )

her early life can be described with one word: unnoteworthy. the second daughter was brushed under the rug in hopes the next would be a son.

because of this she finds her independence easily. growing up there always seemed to be something more important than her occurring at all times. at a young age, she knew how to handle her own matters. permission slips from school went to woong, her mother’s assistant, when she was hungry, she’d find mi-hi to send word to the kitchen. unless she was dying, bothering her parents was out of the question. in comparison to dahye, her disposition is seen as temperate.

she thrives socially, mostly because it is the only place people care about her, and really care. her quietness dissipates almost as soon as she steps foot outside the imperial palace, the urge to blend into the shadows doesn’t follow her. she makes a good group of friends and follows their path to university.

her friends from university were always so brilliant. by surrounding herself with great minded company, she hoped even just a little of their passion would rub on to her. though not royalty, she saw her friends become powerful business women, ground breaking scientists, talented artists ... she envied people with a dream, a talent, a calling. but despite her best efforts, nothing ever came. it was then her parents began throwing names of suitors at her, none ever particularly satiating. she struggled through her fine arts degree. she let jealousy eat away at her slowly, until the perfect proposition fell onto her lap. the emperor of china.

once the idea of empress started to become real, it became evidently clear this was her calling. she felt she had to do very little to be impressive. and not to mention, her mother has never smiled at her so largely! it had started to feel like she had been waiting all her life for this, unbeknownst to her, the deep rooted feeling of inferiority began to dwindle, and it had never occurred to her this was something she wanted in the first place. 

that’s not to say jianguo didn’t have a part in her fate. his kindness and cleverness made it impossible to say no to. it was her third visit to the palace that made her future all too clear in her mind. she loved the life, she loved the people, she loved him.

then came the whirlwind. the white dresses, the florists, the never ending list of guests. her life became consumed by duty. and finally, the coronation. she’d never forget how tightly her father hugged her that day. and for a few years, things flowed smoothly, her life worked perfectly. wenli’s birth was the natural order of events. she had impressive feats to display next to her name, shiny achievements to show her friends and family. 

the most difficult part was learning how to navigate the chinese imperial family. she had experience a coldness in her family, but not to the jin’s extent. after extended kindnesses, she was quick to learn they operated better in their own bubbles. jianguo’s side of the story was the only story she knows, or knew.

for years, gahye has tried her best. she has trusted her husband and his disposition, willing to stand beside his decisions. writing off lixue’s disdain was easier than inserting herself. she allowed the infighting because of the sureness she felt in her position. everything felt like taunts, until the escalations made her world come crashing down.

a year of captivity in the palace does not exactly breed understanding. no, a year in captivity breeds resentment. a year without contact with her husband, only to find out about his death through palace staff ? no, this does not bode for forgiveness. it bodes for revenge.

tl;dr

processing lots of grief atm

here for wenli’s sake

pinterest !

[inferniso]

✢⁎. headcanons

disclaimer this is a Lot and like half of it ain’t coherent:

first and foremost, idunn is being taken shortly after the good ending of fe6 (think a few months after that last cutscene). this lands her in a spot that’s slightly more developed/healed than what we see at the end of the game, but a long ways off from ascended! idunn. that alt is pretty clearly meant to be a longshot future where she can smile and laugh just by seeing you on the homescreen. my idunn is... getting there. so i reference bits and pieces of what it shows us, depending on what i feel is appropriate.

speak of ascended! idunn! her appearance. or more specifically, her dragon form. it can be inferred from the fact that she was once a divine dragon that idunn used to bear more of a resemblance to fae in this form, and the special art of ascended! idunn supports this with its “chicken” wings and feathered tail-tip. however, it also has one scaled wing, and the base of her tail is black and more similar to the demon dragon form (plus her head is the same). thus it is my personal hc that after having her soul restored and her personality slowly grow inside her, idunn’s dragon form changes to reflect this--gradually reverting back to that of the divine style. right now it’s an amalgamation of a demon dragon head, tail-base, and lower/back-left wing, while the main body + limbs, other three wings, and tail-tip comprise her divine parts. 

she’s a character who has internalized both she/her and it/its pronouns, and will respond to either. generally, i’ll use it/its when referring to idunn’s past as the dark priestess and at times where she feels particularly alienated, and she/her otherwise. your muses are free to interpret and use these pronouns however they wish.

i hate the possessed villain trope, alright. i think robbing a character of guilt and remorse stunts their growth, and part of learning to accept herself must include dealing with the fact that idunn’s actions have permanent consequences. i do believe that people--especially innocent families harmed by idunn’s dragons across elibe--do not forgive her for all that she’s done, and to some extend she struggles with this too. idunn is fortunate enough to have really good support systems in fae and the other arcadians, but it will take some time before she isn’t fearful of her own self.

i also write her as holding onto the belief that she is going to lead the world and bring it peace. it never goes away after she becomes herself again, much like her desire to do something that would make the zephiel who rescued her happy.

her presence is a large one and can easily be detected by the magically adept/other dragons who have the ability to do so.

i welcome any and all legendary weapon headcanons! idunn sort of sees the events of fe6 through the lens of a really horrible dream, and so she regards those who fought her in the final map in the same way as the eight legends of elibe. the baseline instinct for this is fear, of course, for their power and that of the weapons, but she tries to see the good qualities of the eight and apply them to their successors in any way she can. if you want your muse to have used one of the weapons against her, just let me know and maybe look it over with any current roy muns.

she still has the power to summon war dragons, but doing so makes her lose control of her soul, so she tries to avoid it if possible. there may, potentially be a dire scenario in which she must in order to protect someone she cares about, but she’d need to be in the presence of someone she knows could bring her back if she chooses to do so. 

in terms of toa-specific headcanons, i think that in line with forgetting much of her previous personality and the concept of like, everything, idunn is only just learning to read. it’s been thousands of years since she was herself so even if she could have read at some point, the language she knows is considered ancient. she’s gotten a good start in arcadia, but is hoping to learn more at the academy!

she loves music! not surprising considering her admiration for nature and simpler things, but i like the idea that dragons are particularly enthralled by it. the flute is her instrument of choice, and if she picks up lessons at the academy it’d be for that.

and finally, though i don’t foresee myself really ever getting into shipping with idunn, she currently has no understanding of romantic love and just barely one of familial/platonic love. if she ever does catch feelings for someone, it’d be after a long healing process learning how to catch feelings.

[hotdogshipping-miwa-enthusiast]

Now I think it is apparent I am a shipper, it is literally in my name

And I feel the need to speak of Vanguard ships I have been fixating that are very obscure

Now I have discussed my beloved TetsuRen and I still have a lot to say on that, but I shall spare you (mainly because I want to gather photos)….ngl this is just me babbling about ships that I cannot stop thinking sbout

Morikawa/Korin

I am personally am not the biggest fan of Morikawa (for many reasons but I shall never be able to forgive the heart swimshorts) and I don't really have an opinion on Korin one way or the other but this is...once you get past how Morikawa Morikawa can be...is very cute.

He genuinely loves Korin and while he is overly passionate in showing it and can definitely be overly rude to others in the course of that affection

He supports her in everything she does and never looses faith in her. His actions in the high school tournament shows that he can take things seriously and is willing to put his feelings aside if something is important, also takes her seriously as a fighter, he respects her.

Now yes he does have the weird fan of an idol thing I don't believe you should constantly be declaring you are definitely going to marry an idol or call them your darling in full seriousness, but I like how supportive he is of Korin.

I like to think that maybe after the events of legion mates he can find her again and fall in love with her, that with a little training in self control and maybe manners he could be a nice supportive boyfriend. She deserved to be loved after all she's been through especially with the constant uprooting of her life and how often those around her forget who she is.

(Please anyone for the love of god give her a hug)

(I've also seen Korin/Noaki which is another very cute ship for her)

Jun/Masaki (Naoki's brother)

I will not lie I saw a piece of fanart of these two and this ship just popped to me

They don't even exist in the same versions of the show, that is how far removed this is: Jun is solely in the original Vanguard and Noaki's brother only appears in the reboot. This ship has no business existing and I know that, but the intrigue of the dynamic gets me.

This man is an uptight, no nonsense, "stop being childish and learn to do something useful like a proper adult" type of guy. He sees Naoki enjoying himself and his first response is to tell Naoki to stop before he inevitably gets bored.

Jun is 'the king of underground cardfighters,' he walks around with a chain and in his second appears he ties Miwa up. He enjoys vanguard and the lawlessness of underground fights.

Stark opposites; would never reasonably interact.

But an idea came to mind; Masaki sees how much fun and how invest in Vanguard Noaki is, something the boy has never been with any of the other hobbies he picked up. Wanting to know more about what made such a dramatic change in his brother he stumbles upon the underground. Of course it is very sketchy but Noaki's blond friend who seems somewhat reasonable is here so it's probably fine (like Miwajun in both romantic and platonic and semi believe Jun smokes and definitely got Miwa into smoking).

Noting Masaki knows Miwa from seeing him interact with Naoki but doesn't actually know him and both of them ended up at Jun's entirely unrelated

"maybe not the best guy to introduce you to vanguard" - A Gaillard fan upon hearing about this ship

I think Masaki would be suspicious at first but slowly end up pulled into Jun's rythm. Jun would find this clear newbie to vanguards presence amusing and interesting him, pushing him to interact more with him.

He handcuffed Miwa to a poll after their first conversation, you cannot convince me he would pass up the chance to question why someone with zero vanguard knowledge showed up at his hideout.

(Miwa also sees Jun's newest toy and asks Noaki if he has a brother, immediately wishing the man good luck when Noaki says yes)

And finally...for now

Ibuki/Gouki

Ibuki will always be Suiko's malewife yes, it is his calling

But If also gave us this beautiful duo

They have their whole training sequence and god is Gouki a shojo protagonist in this ep.

I feel this needs no explanations, they're just great

He just immediately steps up to encourage this forelourned man, their whole conversation is the rejected heroine and the loner 2nd male lead who never admits his feelings but constantly encourages them, a couple you want to root for, is it all for his Jammer misson? Yes. Does that change anything? No.

BECAUSE HE IMMA GOES INTO TRAINER MODE TO MAKE GOUKI STRONGER AND HELP HIM FULFILL HIS WISH

The ending AND CONFESSION

THE FRUSTRATION OVER ALL THEIR TIME AND FEELINGS BEING EREASED AS HE IS FORCED TO ACCEPT THEY CAN NEVER BE

And of course

Gouki still dears of their time together, longing for memories he will never get back

This is such a weird ship but I just love it

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk (I have more screenshots for all of these but tumblr is limiting me)

[norhimorovine]

Regret: Howl Like The Wind

((Edit: Forgot to add song link. Now at bottom of post))

It had been late in the evening, or early in the night really, when Misah’to showed up in Norhi’s apothecary. He carried a tearful Bianca with him. She’d had a nightmare and wouldn’t go back to sleep. So, in a compromise, he’d taken her to Norhi, so she wouldn’t wake Annia. And this was how Norhi found herself carrying an eight year old child in her arms, slowly pacing the aisle of her space and singing to her.

“Life isn't easy. Love never lasts. You just carry on. And keep moving fast.”

The lyrics came easily to her. It was a song she was used to singing to Vhene. Or even Zuki. Her voice wasn’t something for performance. But it was enough for family. And there was something meditative in the pacing and the singing. Her thoughts turned to the moons that had passed since coming to this grey, cold country.

“I pulled off the highway. And rolled into town. I'm just fancy free babe. And I travel 'round.”

At first her hopes had been high. Things were hard. The Garleans were definitely not interested in their help. Even adverse to their presence to the point of violence. As expected, of course. The history between them all was never going to allow this to go smoothly. She’d had no few friends, family, and neighbors, all question her choice to come here. Norhi was one of many many people that had every reason to never forgive. Never forget. To honor her dead by refusing to build bridges. And yet, she’d come. She needed to see. She needed to understand and learn. But more than any of that, she had ached with a terrible anxiety and fear. She had dear friends here. Norhi could never forgive herself, much less anyone else, if she didn’t do her best to aid them.

“Sometimes I'm up. Sometimes down. Where can I run to? How have I sinned? When you cry like a rainstorm And you howl like the wind?”

And in coming with everyone, Norhi got to see the beginning of Alvarium. She got to feel those first odd signs of concern and displaced sense of something out of place. But more so than that, she chose to see hope and a path forward, instead of the storm looming on the horizon. Everything felt like it could be recovered from.

“And my thoughts are filled with memories. They won't let me be. But if all the stars are shining bright. Well they would not let me see.”

Duty had called her back to Camp Broken Glass. She was gone from Alvarium longer than she’d wanted. And then the sky turned red. And people began to turn. And her newly learned skill to heal the tempered felt completely useless. Everything she’d ever done or fought for, felt absolutely worthless, in the face of the End of the World. What peace was there to walk towards, if everything was gone?

“It's so cold and the rain keeps blowing. It's tearing through the town. But I'm still fancy free darling. And I travel 'round.”

Somehow they got through that first panic and surge of horror. Norhi found her feet again. She healed and she worked. And she got herself back to Alvarium. And things seemed to even out. She began to really, finally learn about the folks there. And then they learned of her hidden hope, that had tagged along with every other plan. The wish to find her cousin. The hope that Misah’to was alive and safe.

“Sometimes I'm up. Sometimes down. Oh where can I run to? How have I sinned?”

Arym was one of the first to express a specific offer to help. But quickly behind him were Rhua, Victoria, and Pollux. From there, word spread. Overseer was consulted. A map was marked to the point of near illegibility. And a plan was made.

“When you cry like a rainstorm? And you howl like the wind?”

And so Norhi found herself going out into the city with a much larger search party than she’d ever dared hope for. Bellworks friends and new Alvarium ones. For surely they were friends now. They combed that office of census and frumentarius information. They located a house and searched it. But a clue was found. And it pointed to a bar. A bar where they found Misah’to alive, safe, and whole. And with him two little girls - Annia and Bianca.

“Sometimes I'm up. Most times down.”

And for a time after that, things seemed to calm. Things seemed to come together. Healing folks of injury and illness, between bells of catching up with Misah’to and time with her friends. She even found herself feeling like Overseer was a friend. Fire came to the Bellworks and Brave had to leave. And for all that it made her worry, Norhi wished her friend well and safe journey.

“Oh where can I run to? Tell me how have I sinned?”

But then Rainer showed up. And N’s magic showed them a truth they weren’t ready for yet. They found the bunker. And the blood. And the files and chat logs. And some of them broken. One of them shattered. And Twelves was shackled, locked away from his own freedom.

“When you cry like a rainstorm? And you howl like the wind?”

One of their number disappeared, without word. N was comatose. Twelves nothing more than a servant. Norhi found herself turning to Rhua’s plans. She began teaching. She began making plans. They needed resources. People needed to learn how to survive without Overseer. They voted to free the AI. Of course this came with a cost. Many of their defenses were no longer held up by the AI. The town now needed to stand on its own feet. And so the lessons increased. And people learned every skill they had teachers for. And little by little, they began cobbling together a home that could manage what it needed.

“Who can I turn to? Tell me where to begin? When you cry like a rainstorm And you howl like the wind?”

But then Twelves found Arym. Mt. Katmai was a disaster. Unmitigated and demoralizing. Their friend was bleeding more from his soul than he was from his wounds. They lost both of the soldiers that August wanted to save. And after returning, Norhi once again added two more faces to the memory album of everyone she’d failed. All the while, her friends were working themselves to breaking points. And others were sinking into despair at their own failures and weaknesses. And Norhi had no idea how to help. Her magic and potions couldn’t heal broken hearts.

“When you cry like a rainstorm? And you howl like the wind?”

For now Norhi kept pacing and singing. She wanted to regret coming here. She wanted to wish she’d never seen this country. She wanted to say that all the heartache never happened. She wanted to cry. She wanted to howl.

Instead she sang.

And maybe her voice floated through the windows, into the town and homes of her friends and family.

((Song: Cry Like a Rainstorm by Linda Rondstadt))

[junkomc]

Cod x OC【title：Afterglow】第14章

（NSFW/18+ / MｘM / bottom oc）soap x oc/ghost x oc/price x oc/ Pierson x oc / oc x oc

​>>>１・２・３・４・５・６・７​・８・９・10・11・12・13・14・15・16 ​・17・18・19 (Part 1 scheduled to end)

※英語は母国語ではありません。主にGoogle翻訳を使っていますので、読みにくいところがあるかもしれませんが、ご容赦ください。翻訳版の後に日本語版の小説を載せています。

※English is not my native language. I mainly use Google translation, so please forgive me if there are some parts that are difficult to read.

The Japanese version of the novel is posted after the translated version.

―――――――――――――――――――――――――

Chapter 14:Truth （soap ♡ jet, pierson ♡ jet）/Jet learns the truth from Pearson, but...

"I've always regretted breaking up with you. I've always cursed myself for choosing her. I know it may seem selfish, but I couldn't forget you... that's why I divorced her."

Jet was stunned by Pierson's reason for the divorce, and was speechless.

I'm the one who caused it? How dare you say that...

"You were the one who left me and found another woman, weren't you?"

"...I wanted you to look at me more. I wanted you to want me. I wanted you to be jealous... I was stupid to test you. I was really stupid."

Jet felt his heart beat faster, as if his holding back his feelings so as not to get too involved with Pierson was what had led to this tragedy.

Was it all my own doing?

Jet shook his head and stared at Pierson on the screen.

"...It's all in the past, I've gotten over it."

It wasn't true, but it was a necessary lie for the sake of bravado. Even though his heart, once torn apart by Pierson, no longer responded to him, Jet's memories of Pierson were all strong, and the intense, steamy sex with the older man and the way A generous man pampered him were something Jet still craved today. That's why Jet doesn't want to repeat it again.

He doesn't want to lose it again.

"Haruka, I haven't gotten over it."

Pierson spoke slowly, one word at a time, while still staring at Jet. Jet couldn't bear his gaze, so he looked away and said coldly.

"I understand why you got divorced. But why do you think your ex-wife is the culprit?"

"The site you sent me earlier is a site where you can upload videos to individuals, right? When I went to that personal page, there were several other videos uploaded... Her face wasn't in the video, but there was a video of me having sex with her, nudes of me sleeping naked, and several others. All the photos were of my house, and they were first uploaded a few days after my divorce."

"...Could this be revenge porn?"

"I guess so... I'll contact her right away and have her delete the video."

"... Does that solve it? Does she have any other videos of us?"

Jet never thought he would become a victim of revenge porn, so he thought up all the damage it could cause him in the future and considered various possibilities. He was horrified to realize that he hadn't asked who had found the video in the first place. Did someone at this base find it and report it, or did Price find it himself? If so, does Price always look at sites like this? ?

Pierson spoke gently to calm the confused and upset Jet.

"Don't worry, that's the only video I took with you. I'm sure she copied it from my phone without me knowing. ...Anyway, this won't happen again, it's okay."

"So... is that video still on your phone?"

"...Ah."

Pierson's answer confronts Jet with the fact that he "hasn't gotten over it yet."

"...Delete it properly. We're over now...Promise me."

"...Hey, Haruka...is it really no good? Are we over? Can't we start over?"

"...I can't."

"Please, Haruka...I want to see you again. I want to see you properly...I want to apologize, please...can I come and see you after this mission is over?"

Jet froze at Pierson's words. He never expected him to say that he wanted to see him again, so he stared at Pierson for a while in a daze. At the same time, he felt his heart waver, even though he had decided to break up, and he desperately tried to hold it down.

"...Why?..."

"Give me one more chance... Let me see if there really is no chance. If it still doesn't work, I'll give up. ...Please, Haru. I still love you."

Looking straight into Pierson's beautiful eyes, I felt as if he was right beside me. For some reason, I remembered what Ghost had just said, "He was fucking you with his eyes through the screen," and I thought that expression was very apt.

Ah, that's right. I loved his eyes...

"...Please stop...I just want to think about the mission now...I have to go to Japan...and there's also the matter with my father...So...when it's all over, let's meet and talk."

Jet immediately regretted what he said, but it was too late, and Pierson, who was already filled with hope, looked at Jet with a very satisfied look.

"Haru...Thank you. ...Yeah, for now, let's just think about each other returning safely from the mission. Haru, I'm always thinking about you.'

"Will... I'm hanging up now."

"Yeah, I'll call you again when it's all over. See you..."

Even though Pierson said that, Jet felt more and more uncomfortable because there was no sign of him hanging up, so Jet decided to hang up the phone himself. Pierson looked at Jet lovingly until the last moment of the call.

After hanging up the phone, Jet lay in bed, stunned for a while, wracked with thoughts about having made an arrangement to meet Pierson and having ended up calling him Will.

At that moment, a knock on the door brought Jet back to his senses.

"Jet? Are you there? It's me, Soap."

When Jet opened the door, Soap asked with a worried look on his face, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, but... why?"

"Um... I was wondering what happened with the video..."

Jet was upset by his words, and hurriedly grabbed Soap's arm and dragged him to his room.

He quickly closed the door and locked it, then grabbed Soap by the collar and pushed him against the door.

"Wow... you're being proactive today."

Soap looks down at Jet with a grin.

"You idiot!... it's not that... how do you know about this?!"

"How? I found it... well, maybe someone else on this base has noticed too..."

Soap found it? Would a guy like him make use of something like that? What on earth was he searching for on the porn site? How often does he look at it...?

"... I have a lot to ask you... anyway, if you were the one who first discovered it, are you and Price the only two who know about this?"

"Ghost knows too."

"...I see..."

Jet grew paler as he was confronted with the fact that almost everyone in 141 had seen his private pornography. Although he had had full-on sex with Price and had sexual contact with the other two, Jet had no perverse desire to be seen by them drowning in pleasure like an animal in heat.

"I want to ask... Did all three of you watch that video in its entirety?"

"Yes, from end to end..."

Soap wanted to add "many times," but thought it would be a shame to say that to Jet, who was clearly shocked, so he kept quiet. Jet muttered "Damn," and released Soap from the door, turned his back to him, and quietly held his head.

"So... Did you talk to Pierson? Did he do it?"

Soap slowly approached Jet from behind and gently placed his hand on his shoulder. Jet's shoulders shook for a moment, but he didn't turn around and just started talking.

Jet explains that the video is his ex-wife's revenge porn against Pearson, and that Pearson has already dealt with it.

And then... he accidentally blurts out that he's going to meet up with Pearson once his mission is complete.

"What?!"

Soap, who had been listening quietly up until then, suddenly shouted, and grabbed Jet's arms, who had his back to him, and forced him to turn around.

"What were you thinking?! He dumped you, didn't he? You're crazy."

That was true. That was true, but for some reason Jet couldn't accept Soap's words.

I know. Because-

"...You might be the same. You might be interested in me now, but a nice woman might come along and want to marry you. You might like her too, and you'll get married, have a family, and raise children with her. A happy life is waiting for you, so there's no way you'd choose me!"

Jet was talking so quickly that Soap was taken aback and blank-faced, but his expression soon turned grim. Jet was frightened by the face he'd never seen before. And the next moment, Soap grabbed Jet's shoulders forcefully and pushed him down onto the bed.

"...Soap!!"

Soap grabbed both of Jet's wrists and tied them together above his head, then climbed onto his waist and pressed his lower body firmly against him, preventing him from escaping with his weight.

"Soap! What are you doing!"

Jet struggled under Soap, trying to get away from him. Or, more accurately, he pretended to struggle.

Jet's lower body was pressed against Soap's hot, hard penis, and Jet's began to react little by little.

The faint pleasure he felt made him lose his strength, and he honestly had no desire to resist Soap.

In addition, unlike the stern expression he had before, Soap now had the eyes of an abandoned puppy, which was Jet's weakness. He wanted to pat his head and say, "Good boy," but the big dog in front of him knew how to get his affection on his own, even if he couldn't be comforted.

Soap slowly stroked Jet's cheek and kissed him gently. The mere touch of their lips made Jet tantalizing, but he patiently waited to see what Soap was doing. The man in front of him looked at Jet with a sad expression, then he leaned in close again and pressed his nose against his, murmuring under his breath.

"Don't end something that hasn't even started..."

"...Soap"

"You know, right? I want you. From the beginning...I've been yours. I'll never belong to anyone else. Trust me."

Soap combed Jet's hair with his fingers, slowly caressing the contours of his face from around his ears to his jaw, and finally gently touched his lips with his calloused thumb.

"Do you want me?"

Below is the Japanese version

～（１４）真実～

『俺はお前と別れた事をずっと後悔していた。彼女を選んだ自分をずっと呪っていた。自分勝手だと思われても仕方ないが、俺はお前が忘れられなくて…それが原因で彼女と離婚したんだ』

ジェットはピアソンが語った離婚の理由に唖然とし、開いた口が塞がらなかった。

自分が原因だって？よくもそんな…

「俺がいたのに勝手に女を作って去ったのはそっちだろう？」

『…もっと俺を見て欲しかった。俺を求めて欲しかった。お前を妬かせたかったんだ…お前を試すような事をした俺が馬鹿だった。本当に愚かだったよ』

ジェットがピアソンに深入りしないように自分の気持ちをセーブしていた事がこの悲劇を招いた気がして、心臓の鼓動が早くなるのを感じた。

すべて自業自得だったのか？

ジェットは首を振り、画面のピアソンを見つめる。

「…もう過ぎた事だよ、俺はもう乗り越えた」

それは真実ではなかったが、虚勢を張る為に必要な嘘だった。一度彼にズタズタにされた心はもう彼に反応しないとはいえ、ピアソンとの思い出はどれも強烈で、年上の男との激しく熱いセックスや自分を慈しみ甘やかすその包容力は、今でもジェットが求めているものだった。

だからこそ、もう二度と繰り返したくない。

また失うのは嫌だ。

『…ハルカ、俺は、乗り越えてない』

ピアソンは熱い視線をジェットに向けたまま、1単語づつゆっくりと話す。ジェットはその視線に耐え切れず、目を逸らして冷たく言い放った。

「…君が離婚した原因はわかった。けど、何で別れた妻が犯人だと？」

『…さっき送ってくれたサイト、個人でアップロードできるサイトだろ？その個人のページに行ったら、他にも数件動画がアップされていて…彼女の顔は写ってなかったが、俺が彼女とヤッている動画や、全裸で寝ている俺のヌードやら、他にも数件あったんだ。写っていたのは全部俺の家だし、最初にアップされたのは離婚した数日後だ』

「…もしかして、リベンジポルノ？」

『そうだろうな…今すぐ彼女に連絡して動画を消去させるよ』

「…それで解決？他に彼女は俺たちの動画を持ってない？」

ジェットはまさか自分がリベンジポルノの被害者になるとは思ってもいなかったので、それが今後自分に及ぼす被害をひとつずつ頭の中で思い浮かべ、様々な可能性を考えた。そもそも、誰がこの動画を発見したのかを聞いていないことに気づき、ゾッとした。この基地の誰かが見つけて密告したのだろうか、それともプライス自身が見つけたのだろうか？それならば、プライスはいつもこのようなサイトを見ているのだろうか？？

ピアソンは、混乱し動揺しているジェットをなだめるように優しく声をかける。

『安心しろ、お前との動画はあれしか撮ってないよ。きっと彼女は俺の知らない間に俺のスマホから動画をコピーしたんだろうな。…とにかく、もうこんな事は二度と起こらないよ、大丈夫』

「それで…君のスマホにはまだその動画が残っているのか？」

『…ああ』

ピアソンの答えに、ジェットは彼が“まだ乗り越えていない”という事実をつきつけられる。

「…ちゃんと消去して。もう俺たちは終わったんだから…。約束してくれ」

『…なぁ、ハルカ…本当に駄目なのか？俺たちは終わったのか？やり直せないのか？』

「…無理だよ」

『頼むよ、ハル…もう一度お前に会いたいんだ。ちゃんと会って話したい…謝りたい、頼む…、この任務が無事に終わったらお前に会いに行ってもいいか？』　

ピアソンのその言葉にジェットは固まった。まさか、彼にまた会いたいと言われるとは思っていなかった為、しばらくピアソンを見つめたまま放心状態になった。それと同時に何か月も前に別れを決心したはずの心が揺れ動くのを感じ、必死でそれを押さえつけた。

「…なんで？…」

『もう一度だけチャンスをくれ…。本当に可能性がないのか確かめさせてくれ。それでも駄目なら潔く諦める。…��願いだ、ハル。俺は今でもお前を愛しているんだ』

ピアソンの美しい瞳にまっすぐに見つめられ、すぐ側に彼がいるような気分になる。なぜか今ゴーストの言った「画面越しにお前を目で犯していた」というセリフが思い出されれ、その表現は実に言いえて妙だと思った。

ああ、そうだ。彼のこの目が好きだったのだ…

「…やめてくれ…今は任務の事だけ考えたいんだ…。日本にも行かなきゃならないし…父親とのこともある…だから…全部終わったら、会って話をしよう」

ジェットはそう言った後すぐに後悔したが、取り消すには手遅れで、すでに期待を抱いたピアソンは大変満ち足りた様子でジェットを見つめていた。

『ハル…ありがとう。…そうだな、今はお互い任務から無事に帰って来ることだけ考えよう。ハル、俺はいつもお前の事を思っているよ』

「ウィル…もう、切るよ」

『ああ、全部終わったらまた連絡するよ。じゃあな…』

ピアソンがそう言ったものの、向こうから切る気配がなかったので段々と居心地が悪くなり、ジェットは自分の方から切る事にした。通話が終わる最後の瞬間まで、ピアソンはジェットを愛おしそうに見つめていた。

電話を終えた後、ジェットは自分がピアソンと会う約束をしてしまったこと、結局最後にウィルと呼んでしまったことに頭を抱え、しばらくベッドの上で呆然としていた。

その時、ドアがノックされジェットは我に返った。

「ジェット？いる？俺だよ、ソープだ」

ジェットがドアを開けると、ソープが心配そうな顔で「大丈夫？」と尋ねてきた。

「大丈夫だけど…何で？」

「あの…動画の件、どうなったのか気になって…」

ジェットはその言葉に動揺し、慌ててソープの腕を掴み自分の部屋に引きずり込んだ。

急いでドアを閉めて鍵をかけると、ソープの胸ぐらを掴みドアに押し付けた。

「わお…今日は積極的だね」

ソープはニヤニヤしながらジェットを見下ろす。

「ばか！…そうじゃなくて…何でその事を知ってるんだよ？！」

「どうしてだって？俺が見つけたんだよ？…いや、もしかしたらこの基地の他の誰かも気付いているかもしれないけど…」

ソープが見つけた？彼のような男がそんなものを利用するのか？一体ポルノサイトで何を検索していたのか？どれくらいの頻度で見ているのか…？

「…色々と聞きたい事はあるけど…とにかく、最初に発見したのが君だとして、この事を知っているのはプライスと君の二人だけ？」

「ゴーストも知ってる」

「…そうか…」

141のほぼ全員に自分のプライベートポルノを見られたという事実を突きつけられ、ジェットはどんどん青ざめた。プライスとは完全にセックスし、他の二人とも性的な接触はあったものの、発情期の動物のように欲望に任せて快楽に溺れている所を彼らに見られて喜ぶような倒錯的趣味はジェットにはなかった。

「聞きたいんだけど…3人とも、あの動画を全部見たの？」

「見たよ、最後から最後まで…」

ソープは「何回も」と付け足したかったが、明らかにショックを受けているジェットにこのタイミングでそれを言うのは気の毒だと思い、黙った。ジェットは「クソっ」と小さく呟くと、ドアに押さえつけていたソープを解放し、彼に背を向け静かに頭を抱えた。

「…それで、ピアソンとは話をしたのか？あいつがやったのか？」

ソープはゆっくりと後ろからジェットに近づくと、彼の肩にそっと手を置いた。一瞬ビクリとジェットの肩が揺れたが、彼は振り向かずにそのまま話し始めた。

あの動画はピアソンの元妻のリベンジポルノだった事、すでにピアソンが、対応してくれている事、そして…何故か口が滑り、任務完了後ピアソンと会うという事まで話してしまった。

「何だって？！」

今まで大人しく話を聞いていたソープが突然大声をだし、自分に背を向けたままのジェットの両腕を力強く掴むと無理矢理振り向かせた。

「何を考えてるんだ！？あいつは君を捨てたんだろ？君はどうかしてる」

その通りだった。その通りだったが、ジェットは何故か素直にソープの言葉を聞き入れる事ができなかった。

わかっている。何故なら―

「…君だって同じかもしれない。今は俺に興味を持っているかもしれないけど、素敵な女性が現れて君と結婚したがるかもしれない。そして君も彼女を気に入り、結婚して家庭を持ち、彼女と子供を育てることになる。幸せな生活が待っているのに、それなのにあえて俺を選ぶなんてそんな事ありえない！」

ジェットが早口で捲し立てたせいで、ソープは面食らってポカン���していたがすぐに険しい表情に変わった。見たことのない彼のその顔にジェットは怯んだ。そして次の瞬間、ソープはジェットの肩を力強く握るとそのままベッドに押し倒した。

「…ソープ！！」

ソープはジェットの両手首を掴むと彼の頭上でひとつにまとめ、腰の上に乗り自分の下半身をしっかり押し付け、重みで彼を逃げられないようにした。

「ソープ！突然なんだよ！」

ジェットはソープから逃れようと彼の下でもがく。いや、厳密に言うともがくふりをした。

なぜならさきほどから下半身にソープの熱くて硬いものが押し付けられ、それに影響されてジェットのものも少しずつ反応しはじめていたのだ。

うっすらと感じる快感に力が抜け、本気で彼に抵抗する気持ちなど正直無かった。

それに、さっきの険しい顔とは打って変わって、今のソープはジェットの弱点でもある、あの捨てられた子犬の目をしているのだ。今すぐに「よし、いい子だ」と頭を撫でて愛でたくなったが、目の前の大型犬は慰められなくても自分で愛情を手に入れる方法を知っていた。

ソープはゆっくりとジェットの頬を撫でると、優しくキスした。唇が触れるだけのそれはジェットを焦らしたが、彼はじっと堪えてソープの様子を伺う。目の前の男は悲し気な表情でジェットを見つめ、再び顔を寄せ鼻先を合わせると吐息混じりに呟いた。

「始まってもいない事を、勝手に終わらせないでくれ…」

「…ソープ」

「知ってるだろう？俺は君が欲しい。最初からずっと…俺は君のものだ。絶対に他の誰かのものにはならない。信じて」

ソープはジェットの髪を指ですき、耳の辺りから顎の方まで顔の輪郭をゆっくりと撫でると、最後にカサついた親指で唇に優しく触れた。

「君は俺が欲しい？」

～to be continued～

[irises-and-daffodils]

I read and cling to letters and books hoping they give me the comfort I need. I breakdown freely knowing that all things don’t have to end. I gave up on myself long ago and I dug a hole thinking that I didn’t want to get out of it. I thought everything and everyone would eventually give up on me as I have felt for the entirety of my life. I have motivation now even as I’m tired. I find myself clawing my way out. I am not so much of a difficult person as I thought I was. I thought I was unlovable, unworthy of love, but mostly a burden. It’s hard to live everyday because no amount of books or people can convince you when you’re blind sighted by every bad thing that happened to you. I’ve been called a pig, a bitch, arrogant all because I didn’t focus on everyone else. I realize I’m happy creating my playlists and routines. I’m happy reading as many books as I can. I’m happy learning and constantly growing. I thought I could thrive at home but honestly I can’t. I am not me. I’m breaking out of a paralyzing state. I have made mistakes and slowly I’m forgiving myself for them. I’ll admit there are moments where I don’t see the purpose of living because all I’ve seen myself as is a person that takes care of everything. I haven’t seen myself as someone worthy of it every good thing in life. When I started going out to concerts and feeling the ocean breeze in the Bay Area and Central Coast beaches I knew I loved life but I never knew how I could cope with it. Beauty torments you in ways that puzzle you. It would torment me I guess because one good taste and that’s all you could ever want for the entirety of life but also knowing it’s not always going to be there. It’s not knowing how to cope with the the fact that the meaning of my existence is not to just to serve, but truly live and love as well. I witness my parents argue. I witness everyone’s life and at one point I thought I was doomed to repeat it all. Maybe I’ll repeat one or two mistakes but I won’t make them all. I have to remind myself that all the doom and gloom comes from learning about my parents and their life and always forgetting that I have one of my own. I’m writing this because I’m really stressed. I see the ways things go down and I feel true and utter discomfort. I fear screaming, I fear my mothers anger as she always threatens to hurt me or abandon me. I fear my step dads reckless behavior as he always pushes and becomes reckless and blinded with anger and passive aggressive behavior. I fear not communicating properly with my significant other. I fear not communicating with friends. I fear not doing the right things and I’m not expecting perfection because that’s the the thing that destroyed me in the first place, but I’m expecting to push through and put myself in a better place. I will admit sometimes I do think that I am a burden and that no one wants anything to do with me. It all boils down to my parents not wanting to have to do much with me. I parented them, and knew every single problem, pity, and ounce of negative emotion. I found myself crying heavily this morning and I’m still tearing up here and there. I am really tired of feeling every negative emotion from everyone. I am still very grateful for everything and everyone but now I need to take care of myself. I need to be better for myself. I have an increasing number of nightmares as of lately. I have a bit of anxiety. I’m still growing. I’m not in a permanent position. I’m going to be a better person. I am a better person. At least I think I am.