#and as someone who's had p much the same friend group since kindergarten

[lovysmtalks]

He Only Has Himself To Blame

Summary: Felix joins the akuma class, he's seeking revenge and wants to demask the sunshine persona Adrien has put on

OR

Marinette is lost after getting her heart broken, bullied and dehumanised by her old friends, so she finds comfort in a certain blonde boy who joins her class

This will be a short series that I decided to make after reading soap_lady's "he can only blame himself" fanfic on ao3

The characters are in 11th grade meaning most of them are 17-18

Marinette has been MDC ever since she was 14 and Gabriel's business is going down due to him getting too into the villain act, I'm trying really hard to not make Mari seem too ooc or a Mary Sue

Chapter One.

To say Felix hated school, it would be an understatement.

He DESPISED school. The place is full of gold diggers left and right, people who would throw you out in a split second

Felix transferred to Françoise DuPont during his third year of high school. His mother was having a business trip to Paris for some time and since Felix didn’t have friends in New York, she signed him up for this school until he finishes his lycée

Once he set foot on the school, people looked at him weirdly, well...maybe it was his questionable clothes, they clearly showed rich boy and that he wasn’t from this school.

He could hear the annoyingly loud “whispers” as he walked to the principal’s office

‘He looks like a model, do you think he is one?’

‘He looks like he has money, maybe we should try and befriend him!’

‘He looks like Adrien, oh my gosh I’m going to faint if we have two handsome models at our school, it’s like we hit jackpot!’

He sighed as he finally reached the school’s principal’s office.

Around 45 minutes of not important information later

Felix finally walked upstairs to his class, his head hurting from the goody-two-shoes principal, his way of lecturing teen-agers was in such a way it felt like he was in kindergarten again. To be fair it kinda was the same, he was in a strange place full of people he could sense had bad intentions, so he just rubbed his temples and opened the door to see a very loud class split in two parts.

The front side, he spotted the other blonde guy the whispers were about, Adrien Agreste, his cousin.

Oh boy, did that not just make this whole thing even more irritating.

The front side had much more people in comparison with the back side, the back side was formed of five people.

A girl with a strong pink hair in some loose pig tails who was making a hand gesture to what the front side was listening to

Felix wanted to laugh at that, as he caught a split second of what the girl with brown hair on the front side was rambling about, it was something about how she’s his uncle’s muse or some crap like that, nothing more than a fairy tale she could only dream of.

He remained silent and analysed the other people in the small group

There was a guy with bright red hair who looked like he was barely containing himself from bursting out laughing at what the pink haired girl was doing

The second guy in the group wore a red sweater and had a washed out kinda blonde hair that was spiked up, he was giggling at what the pink haired girl was doing, while having a hand on her shoulder.

The third guy, wore a cap with some black glasses, he looked kind of sad at the front group but his sad frown moved to a half smile as he sat down next to the second girl-

‘What the actual – NO WAY THAT’S HER’ Felix panicked as he remembered who the second girl was.

‘The “I-love-you” girl, what a coincidence to be in the same class as you’ he thought, not noticing the fact that he was staring

But someone did notice him stare, it was the actual girl herself.

She had the same shock on her face as Felix did, probably was not expecting to see him ever again after the stunt at his cousin’s house two years ago.

‘Great, this couldn’t be more awkward’ he sighed as he moved to step in the class, hearing someone was close to the door.

“Oh! You must be the transferred student, come on! My class is probably dying to meet you.” The ginger teacher said loud enough for Felix to shiver at how loud she was

Oh, he was sure the class of idiots was dying to meet him.

He could practically see the hearts sparkling in the sausage haired girl's eyes who moved to the second line of seats, behind his cousin.

The girl with two shades of colours in her hair was staring at him as she was whispering something to her seatmate’s ear.

Him and the teacher walked in the class as she was basically dragging him to the front desk.

"Good morning class! This is Felix, Felix uh…-" the teacher looked at him for an answer about his last name

He sighed and said "Graham de Vanily. Felix Graham de Vanily."

"Ah, yes! Class, he is a transferred student from New York, treat him kindly and make him feel at home. You can go sit uhm…in the back! With Marinette." She put a hand on his shoulder, making him shiver at the contact

'Oh great.' he caught a glimpse at his cousin's face, it was priceless

He looked angry then disappointed then it went back to normal.

'Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all' Felix thought trying to retain the smirk his face desperately wanted to make.

He reached Marrinete's and his seat.

He could see that she was avoiding his gaze, so he had the genius idea to put his hand on hers

She shot him a deadly glare, in which Felix responded by "smiling" warmingly at her

"What are you doing?" she whispered angrily

"I wanted to get your attention since you were clearly avoiding my gaze. I know you most definitely think of me as a son of a bitch, but i want to get revenge on my cousin, I know you won't help me since I saw your confession on his phone back to a year ago, but it was worth a shot for me to ask for your help." He whispered, it wasn't exactly a lie, it was mostly to make his cousin jealous. But what he didn't think of nor plan, was his heart skipping a beat once her gaze finally met his.

Marinette's face had a confused look on it, probably processing what he just said

What he did not expect, was for her to giggle.

"Let me get this straight, angel, you want to hang out with me to piss lil' ol' Agreste off, because you want revenge, you still want revenge after two years ago, you pretended to be him, try and kiss a superhero, then blame it on getting akumatized." She covered her giggles with her hand to hide the snorts begging to come out.

Felix thought she looked so pretty for whatever reason. He bit back a smile, then it clicked.

'Kiss a hero? How does she know about that?!' he thought. Felix was 100+% sure that no one saw when he tried to do that.

Oh.

OH.

'What a silly mistake you just did Mlle. Dupain-Cheng' he looked back at her to see she closed her eyes while trying not to laugh out loud.

He smiled. (Not gonna say someone's dying, but the world's at it's end if he smiles)

'You're such an idiot to not realize what you could have had, Agreste.' Assuming she was laughing was a sign her and Adrien weren't together, maybe if he was lucky, not on good terms either, seeing that she did call Adrien Agreste and not just Adrien

"Well yes. He's not the person who everyone sees him to be, that's the reason I did what I did last time. I tried to show everyone how he really was, he called it a prank, I call it wanting the truth to get out, I do however realize that there were other things I could have done to show that but can't change the past now, can't I?" He whispered

Marinette opened her eyes with a thoughtful look on her face

"I know Agreste isn't who he stands to be, I'm more than aware he isn't this sunshine price in shinning armour mostly everyone belives him to be." She said in a serious tone, with a blank expression on her face

Felix was in deep thought, millions of questions running through his mind.

He decided not to press forward and just nod at her statement.

After some minutes of pretty awkward silence for Felix at least, Marinette finally looked at their hands who were still connected, with her hand being underneath his

Her smile passed Felix's eyes as he was looking through some papers on his part of the table

Marinette put her other hand on his, getting closer to his ear then whispered

"I'm in, I'll help you get your revenge." She backed down from his personal space then dragged their hands Infront of her

Felix was processing what she just told him, he was about to say something but then noticed she was holding his hand tightly between hers as she had a petty smirk on her face

The boy's cheeks got warm, to a concerning state, he just took his hand and turned the other way, covering his mouth and cheeks with the other hand as he avoided Marinette's gaze

In response to the sudden outburst, Marinette just laughed and went back to paying attention to the class

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

What neither of the teens knew, was that Marinette's out of character (for most people) affection was caught on by Lila, who looked like she was fuming as she looked back at the two.

"Girl, you ok? Your face looks red and swallowed, are you having an allergic reaction?" A concerned Alya asked looking as her bestie

Lila swallowed HARD as she realized she was staring at the pair behind them

"A-ah…y-yes I am alright, just, don't you think Marinette would bully Felix too right?... She's been invalidating his personal space ever since he got to the back…" Lila said in a shaky tone, trying to make it sound as real as possible

'No way I'm letting Mari-brat take my key to success, Gabriel's business has been going down in fame since people are boycotting the brand for whatever reason. The Graham de Vanily family has a better reputation than the Agrestes ever could even dream of!' she thought angrily

"Lila, girl, you don't think she would, would she? I told you what Felix did last time he was here. If something he would be the one making fun of her, he's a bigger jerk than Marinette!" Alya whispered

'Oh, now you're taking her side?' Lila thought unfazed at her "friend's" stupidity

"Felix looks like a sweetheart! (Yea right) time changes people Alya, Marinette is a perfect example of that!" Lila whispered, trying to get her friend to understand what she meant.

"Hmm… you're right, after class we're confronting Marinette on her bullying, the poor boy just got here! How could she be so cruel…" Alya said angrily

"Oh Alya, I don't know…" Lila said, putting a hand on the girl's shoulder comfortingly

[allthatyoulove]

12:51

Modern/Highschool AU James “Bucky” Barnes / Reader

Summary: Your ex best friend and his new band are performing for the first time and you decide to go watch them perform. You didn’t expect the song to be about you.

Warnings: angst, cussing, fluff

Words: 2.5k

A/N: My first one-shot!!! This was inspired by the song 12:51 by The Strokes! Let me know what you think, and give me any suggestions for future one-shots! (Also let me know if I missed any warnings) Thanks for stopping by :)

You know when you can feel, deep down somewhere, that whatever you’re about to do is a dumb fucking idea? I don’t know why I was ignoring that feeling, but there was nothing that could stop me now.

I shivered, wrapping my arms tighter around myself as I walked down the dimly lit street. As I got closer to my destination, the music coming from inside the house started to become louder. I pulled my hand from the inside of my jacket where I attempted to keep it warm to check the time.

12:45.

I had snuck out of my house to go to this party everyone was going to. It was a Friday night, and I was originally thinking of skipping this week’s party, until I found out who was playing.

Bucky Barnes.

Or, I guess, James Barnes.

James and I had been best friends since we were kids. I can’t even remember how we met, I just remember us being attached at the hip since kindergarten. We lived in the same houses, right next to each other, through our entire lives. We went through all of our worst phases together.

I started to get feelings for him in middle school, when I realized that was a thing that happened when you started to grow up. I never told him, scared I would ruin our friendship, and our lives continued as they always have.

Then, highschool started.

Bucky and I began our rebellious phase together, starting to sneak out every Friday night to the party that was happening that week. We would get forties and lay on the roof of our houses afterwards around 1 am, looking at the stars and talking or doing karaoke to our favorite songs. I fell more and more in love with him every day.

Towards the end of freshman year, the upperclassmen at the parties we went to started to take notice of him. They would dare him to jump off the roof into the pool, or to drink as much as he could through a beer funnel. And he would do it, always the people pleaser. They liked how he listened to them, and took him under their wing.

He stopped hanging out with me after that.

I would go up to him, and he would say he had to go to his next class or that his friends were waiting up for him so he couldn’t talk. He wouldn’t let me call him Bucky anymore, because everyone knew him as James and he didn’t want to explain our relationship, or lack-thereof, to them.

Eventually we stopped hanging out altogether, avoiding each other in school and day-to-day, and pretended we never knew each other.

It’s not like I didn’t have or make new friends, because I did, but it was never the same. Bucky- or, James- and I’s bond was something special. Something I couldn’t find with anyone else. I tried to adapt to the friends around me, tried to like the things they liked, but I always felt like James was the only person I could open up to.

Now we’re seniors, and James had started a band with a couple of his friends earlier that year. This party was the first time they were performing in front of people, and I wanted to go watch. I was curious.

A couple minutes later I finally walked into the party, looking around through the crowd of people. I said hi to a group of people I knew, when I heard him.

“Hey everyone, how are you guys feeling tonight?”

The crowd gave a response of shouts and cheers. While everyone looked towards the direction of the stage, I took the distraction as a chance to make my way towards them.

I found my way towards the front, standing behind a couple of people that were a couple of feet from the stage.

And there he was.

He was in a black shirt and black biker jacket with black jeans. His hair was tucked behind his ears, with a few strands in front of his face from slightly leaning down to the mic.

He looked good.

It wasn’t a very big or high stage, being that it’s in someone's house, but it made the view of them much easier to see.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” he laughed, “Well, my friends and I here got a song we’d like to perform for you. This one is called 12:51.”

More cheers erupted from the crowd.

I stood there, putting my hands in my jacket pockets, looking up at him. The people in front of me moved slightly to group with their friends, moving me more towards the front.

We made eye contact as I got shoved slightly towards the front. His eyes blinked a couple times, mouth slightly falling open upon seeing me for the first time. He blushed a little before the sound of the bass and drums started to play, snapping him back into reality. He looked down for a second before grabbing the mic and looking back up at me. I kept my gaze neutral, waiting for him to sing.

“Talk to me now, I’m older

Your friend told you ‘cause I told her

Friday nights have been lonely

Change your plans and then phone me”

He pulled away from the mic, clapping to the beat as he kept his gaze on me. He looked sad, not moving from my eyes as he began to sing again.

“We could go and get forties

Fuck going to that party

Oh really, your folks are away now?

Alright, let’s go, you convinced me”

My mouth slightly fell open at the first line, my eyes tearing up as he seemingly sang that line to me. My brows furrowed as I listened to the lyrics.

“12:51 is the time

My voice found the words I sought

Is it this stage I want?

The world is shutting out for us

Oh, we were tense for sure

But we was confident”

He grabbed the mic with both hands, making it obvious he was looking at me as he sang the rest of the song.

“Kiss me, now that I’m older

I won’t try to control you

Friday nights have been lonely

Take it slow but don’t warn me

We’d go out and get forties

Then we’d go to some party

Oh really, your folks are away now?

Alright I’m coming, I’ll be right there”

He stepped back from the mic, panting as the song finished. Everyone began to cheer and clap, as I stood there stunned. A tear had rolled down my cheek sometime before the song finished and I wiped it away as I stood there looking at him.

He looked around at the rest of the crowd briefly, smiling and saying thank you as he blew kisses towards the crowd.

I turned to leave as I pushed my way through the cheering group of people. A few tears begrudgingly fell as I tried to find my way out.

I didn’t know what to think.

The things he mentioned in the song were too specific to be about anyone else. What hurt the most was finding out how he felt about me like this. We hadn’t spoken in over 2 years. Now he’s in a band, writing songs about how he misses me and wants me to kiss him?

Fuck, I need a drink.

I made a detour to the kitchen before leaving to look for some alcohol. The kitchen island had many choices to choose from, all of the bottles sprawled across the table. I grabbed the first one I saw and drank from the bottle.

The burn of the drink going down my throat was exactly what I needed.

I wiped at my mouth with my sleeve as I put the bottle down and took a second to let the liquor go down.

I went back to my original route to the front door, when the group of friends I talked to earlier stopped me.

“Hey where ya going? We’re all thinking of doing s'more shots, wanna join?”

“I think I’m gonna head home, not really in the party mood anymore.”

“D’ya need someone to bring you home?”

I looked around the group, all of them struggling to stand up straight or laughing at nothing.

“No I’ll be fine. Thanks though, have a nice night.”

“Okay byeeeeeeee!!!”

I laughed and shook my head, turning to finish my walk out the door when someone called my name. I knew that voice. It was a voice I could recognize anywhere, no matter the amount of alcohol in my body or the blaring music that resumed over the speakers. I rushed out the door, turning left and speed-walking the way I came.

“Hey! Wait!” I heard the sound of someone running behind me.

Well, shit, I’m not gonna break into a sprint to get away from him.

I stopped walking on the sidewalk, turning around to face him.

He finished jogging up to me, out of breath. He stood there for a second staring at me and panting.

"Did you run over to me just to stare or do you have something you'd like to talk about?"

He laughed faintly, shaking his head at the ground and using his hand to push the side of his hair back.

"Sorry, I- uh, yeah I wanted to talk to you. It's been a while."

"Yup" I said, popping the "p". I lightly rocked back and forth on the heels of my feet as we looked at each other. I was getting impatient with standing here trying to decipher whatever code he was speaking in. Whatever he was trying to say needed to find its way out.

"So, what'd you think of the song?"

"Bucky" I sighed, "I think I should-"

"Y'know you're the only one who ever calls me Bucky"

I stopped mid-sentence, taking a second to process what he said.

"Until you told me to stop. Guess it's a still a habit"

He sighed and looked down, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

"Listen. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating you so badly, and I'm sorry for ditching you like that, and I'm sorry for- well just being an asshole in general, and I-"

"Bucky."

"-know you probably don't want to hear this, because I'm about 3 years late, but I want you to know that I-"

"Bucky."

"miss you. So much. I have ever since I did that to you, and I don't know why I did it, but it took me this long to figure out that-"

"Bucky!"

"I'm in love with you."

He finally looked up at me, finishing his rant and even more out of breath than he was before. I froze, looking at him shocked.

"What?"

"I've loved you since elementary."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My lifelong best friend, who I've been in love with since middle school, who abandoned me freshman year, has been in love with me too. For even longer. My mind was racing with questions.

"Wait- since elementary?"

"Yes."

"And you still are?"

"Yes."

"Even after not talking to me for over 2 years?"

He winced before answering. "Yes."

"Why did you end our friendship like that? How could you do that to me?"

He shook his head, averting his eyes back to the ground as he winced again.

"I'm so sorry, I- I just couldn't- I-I thought that coming into high school you would start making all these friends, and I guess freshman me thought it would be best if I just found some friends first. You know, to soften the blow I guess."

I furrowed my brows, looking at him incredulously.

"So you ended our lifelong friendship because you were scared I'd make friends?"

"Well fuck, when you put it like that-"

"How the fuck am I supposed to put it, Bucky? That's what happened, right?

"Yeah. That's what happened."

We met each other's eyes again. He looked defeated as he put his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

"Can you please tell me what you thought of the song" he whispered, blinking slowly at me.

I sighed sharply as my tongue pressed against the side of my mouth.

"Did you mean it? What you said?"

"Every word."

I shivered and shrugged, shaking my head.

"What do you want me to say, James?"

He winced for the third time at the sound of me using his name.

"I want you to say you'll think about forgiving me, I want you to say you feel the same, I want you to be in my life again. I want you."

I shut my eyes for a second and sighed. He's in love with me, and he wants me. He's in love with me. He has been since elementary. He wants me in his life. He loves me. A couple seconds passed before I responded.

"Of course I feel the same way, I have for, like, 5 years. And I'll think about forgiving you. Only because the song was sorta good-"

"Can I kiss you?"

The rest of my sentence died as I looked up at him confused. Did I hear him right?

"What did you say?"

"Can I kiss you?" he repeated, licking his lips as his gaze darted from my eyes to my lips.

"Yes."

He was closing the space between us as soon as the word left my lips. He pulled his hands from his jacket, using them to hold my face as he kissed me.

I leaned into the kiss, trying to ignore the fireworks going off in my stomach.

He moved his hands to go around my waist, wrapping his arms around me to hold me against him. I brought my arms up to wrap around the back of his head as the kiss deepened.

I pulled away and looked at him, running my fingers through his hair as his arms stayed locked around my waist. We smiled at each other as he darted between looking at my eyes and lips. I brushed his hair behind his ears before he spoke.

"What d'ya say we go to your house and sit on the roof, like we used to?"

"What about the drinks?"

"I think the amount of alcohol you chugged in the kitchen should be enough for tonight"

I laughed and kissed him again. With or without the alcohol, I was drunk on Bucky and the happiness in this moment we shared. It felt as if the years without him had turned me into a zombie, and this kiss brought me back to life. An antidote that I didn't know I needed.He eventually put me down as we began to walk back to our street, hand in hand.

I had gotten my best friend back.

[hectabdr]

Dragon Raja IV - Chapters 11 & 12 (Abridged)

Hi everyone!

Today's chapters are a little slower than the previous ones, but they have a lot of insight on Nono, Luminous and the nature of their relationship. I also kept more of the original dialog for the same reason.

BTW, this is the point where the illustrations suddenly stopped for some reason so... No more drawings :P

Previous chapters.

Chapter 11

A girl waited in the top lobby of the Black Prince International Financial Center. At 21 years old, Tu Xiaojiao was already known as the "Sophie Marceau of China". She was in that building to meet the legendary "Master Shao", the inheritor of this powerful organization. If anyone else in the world made Miss Tu wait for more than half an hour, she would leave the place immediately, but Mr. Shao was different, he could offer her the role of her life, so she decided to stay in the waiting room.

When the receptionist finally allowed her to enter Shao's office, she found him next to the window, reading a poem out loud. She had to wait for him to finish for fifteen minutes, her high heels started making her feet feel numb, wondering if he was mocking her, Shao didn't even notice her presence. To her dismay, once he finally saw her in his office, it didn't make much of a difference, since Shao only had one topic in his mind, his adored senior was back.

Miss Tu tried to be polite, and asked to know more about this "senior" girl. When Shao was younger, he had a girlfriend, she was actually one year younger than him, but she demanded to be referred as his senior and he obsessed over her for the rest of his life. He even showed miss Xiaojiao a picture of himself and his senior back when they were a couple. Tu Xiaojiao was confused, in the tiny photograph, there were two children, one looked like Shao and by his side, there was a girl who seemed completely indifferent towards him. This was cut from a kindergarten group photo, and he carried it in his wallet ever since.

Shao had everything at his disposal since he was born, his focus in the entertainment industry was nothing but a hobby. He could visit any place that he wanted, he could buy any piece of clothing and of course, he could date some of the most beautiful women in the world. But he didn't want any of them as his wife. The woman of his life had to be someone who would make him beg for her affection, someone who would make him kneel in her presence. The only woman who could make that to him, was Chen Motong.

Every time that Miss Chen came back to the country, he felt like a five year old all over again, but getting her heart wouldn't be an easy task. She acted cold and demanding, when she arrived he asked her out for dinner but she just wanted to borrow a car from him and left. He heard about an Italian man, apparently her boyfriend and he couldn't learn anything else about him, it was driving him crazy, but he received some information that brought some hope back into his eyes. Miss Chen had a friend in town, and he was in the hospital. Shao left his office with Miss Tu in it, on his way to meet Mr Luminous.

Young Lu was also disheartened because of Nono, although, his reasons were different. His 91st attempt to save her also ended in failure. When he realized that they were once again going to die, Nono desperately tried to make him react, but he lazily waited in the car seat for the whole scenario to restart, frustrated and annoyed, as the gravity of the situation slowly became less palpable. He looked to his side and saw Nono's face looking at him. Her expression was as ruthless as ever but in her eyes he saw deep sadness, he almost felt like hugging her before they died but the simulation ended. To him, death meant that he would have to start all over again, but for Nono, every single time it meant a genuine end.

To interrupt his depression, a young, short, overweight man entered his room. He called himself a friend of Miss Chen and Luminous thought for a second that she sent him there to get him out of the hospital, but Shao was there to speak.

He started making questions, in particular, who was this Italian scumbag that he heard about? Tragically for him, Luminous spoke highly of Caesar's fortune, personality and actions, and to make matters worse, he wasn't only Chen's boyfriend, but her fiancé.

A depressed Shao proceeded to tell an anecdote from his childhood. When he was studying in the United Kingdom, Shao felt belittled next to ehe aristocratic children that studied with him, so he started bragging about his own family's wealth and promising other kids money for listening to him, when he tried to show off in front of Nono, she beat him up and told him to call her "Senior Sister".

The school's Rugby matches also got violent, Shao played aggressively, so the other kids retaliated against his attitude by deliberately kicking him in the face and hitting him with the ball. His front teeth got broken as there was no coach present to stop them. He sat down on the grass, defeated, when Nono took his place in the match, she fearlessly rushed into a defense of fifteen boys while Shao swore to his heart that one day he would marry that girl, even if he had to kneel and crawl in front of her.

Shao compared himself to the protagonist form "The Great Gatsby", who desperately needed to be with his love interest, Miss Daisy.

-Why should a girl be with a man who needs her?

She should be with a man she needs. My senior sister doesn't need me, I am the one who needs her.

Before Shao left, Luminous reminded him of a scene in "Journey to the West" where Tang Sanzang found a silly monkey who lived behind a waterfall. The cowardly monkey recognized Tang's strength and left his hidden home to follow him around the world. There are two types of monkeys in the world, the smart ones that can survive out there on their own, and the silly ones, who need a master they look up to.

Shao understood his metaphor and he felt encouraged. Realizing he could trust the strange mental patient enough to untie one of his hands, Shao gave Luminous a can of beer and they toasted. When Shao left, Luminous took a syringe from the side table and injected himself with more sedatives. This was his 92nd attempt.

Shao returned to his office, motivated and lively.

-I met a new brother today!

He encouraged me to come back here, he's a philosopher and his words are very touching!

People living in mental hospitals are all experts in this kind of stuff.

He realized that he left without saying goodbye to Miss Tu, but his apology wasn't answered, because the girl in his office was Nono. She was drinking, looking tired, she didn't wear any makeup and silently stared at the window.

Shao was determined to win her over, but Nono answered most of his questions briefly and coldly. She didn't want to speak with him, she was just there to return the car keys and now she wanted to leave.

Shao's pitiful voice tone softened her attitude a little so she asked him for some gin with ice. Nono drank the whole glass in one sip and asked for a refill. She had another glass, and another.

- Senior sister, is someone bullying you?

- Who could possibly bully me?

- Usually no one, but aren't you engaged now?

- Caesar wouldn't do that, don't worry about it, just take care of yourself.

- Are you really going to marry an Italian? Those guys spend their money so recklessly!

- Could you give me a better reason not to marry him? Who are you to say those things? Stop messing around and just confess your intentions.

- I'm your boyfriend from kindergarten! If you gave me a chance instead I could be endlessly more confident and...

- You? "Endless"? Nono was so angry that she laughed.

Shao Kneeled and asked Nono to be his girlfriend instead. He kneeled in one knee, so she asked him to kneel on both like he used to, and he did, but not for begging, he used to do so as punishment. Nono didn't like his subservient attitude.

- We were just classmates, I was wrong to treat you so hardly, but you don't have to hold on to me, I am engaged and you could marry just anyone.

Shao kept begging, Nono deflected every single one of his arguments until he recited Luminous's "Journey to the west" reference. His delivery was incredible, but she had no reaction to it, she looked at her glass with tired eyes. She got up on her feet and entered the elevator.

After she left, Shao was avidly celebrating, he interpreted her reaction as progress and showed off in front of his employees.

Nono stopped at a small ramen restaurant to warm up her rain-soaked body. Chu Tianjiao was her last clue and she lost it. If Luminous was actually sick, why didn't she give up on him yet?

Why did she feel the need to insist on his case? This wasn't only about her, every moment she spent in the middle of nowhere, escaping from the secret party, she got Caesar in trouble. How was she supposed to explain this to them?

She had to admit that she cared too much about Luminous's well-being. She wouldn't doubt to give him her diving suit, she immediately called him last year when she and Caesar were overwhelmed by Scythe ferrets to warn him of the impending danger and now that the whole world was against him, she kept insisting on proving his sanity. Regarding his feelings for her, she comforted herself with positive thoughts. Who didn't have a crush on a senior girl at some point in his life?

Zero was great for him, so was Isabelle, if she had known Erii in person, Nono would have considered them to be "such a fucking perfect match".

Over the last few years, this petty boy had grown up, he became more energetic, better dressed and gained so much experience, yet he kept holding on to her. She left Shao's office without saying a word because she recognized those words belonged to Luminous. They were about Luminous.

- Chen motong, you're such a fool, you messed everything up.

Chapter 12

An exhausted Su Xiaoyao leaned back on her office chair, she had spent a long day on work meetings and in the middle of the night her phone kept ringing. This was her life ever since she had to leave school to take over her father's business. She had gained some weight ever since but no one really cared, she was still one of the top bachelorettes in the city and she had just accepted a blind date, excited to take a break.

During the student reunion, seeing Luminous made her cry a little. It wasn't because she used to have a crush on him during their high school years, she just realized that those carefree days would never repeat themselves. Back in the day, she and the other girls used to sit on the basketball courts to see Luminous play basketball. Even the air felt different.

Su took her high heels off and put her feet on her desk to take a quick nap, but her phone interrupted her attempt to display an urgent text message. It was Liu Miaomiao, her old rival in love.

- Su Xiaoyao, find a way to get here, quick! They put our senior brother in a mental hospital!

Game level: Gungir light, 101st load.

- So, where did you get that rocket launcher again?

- I found it under the seat...

The whole fight seemed extremely rehearsed by now, Luminous always knew exactly where to shoot, it almost looked like he could predict the future.

- Did you learn that in your special training? I want to take that special training too!

Nono slowly became the most problematic element in the simulations, she didn't retain her memories after every attempt like he did. This was probably the first time Luminous felt something other than absolute admiration towards her, she became a little annoying, but he couldn't really blame her. They got in the car and tried to escape, but one of the tires was damaged.

- Are you hungry? I just found some nuts in this car!

He knew Nono was trying to calm him but he was still a little anxious, he repeated the steps to replace the tire in his mind but the car-wheel escaped his hands and rolled over the highway.

His tantrum surprised Nono, who dropped her snacks all over the floor. Ming·Z paused time and got out of the car.

He noticed that Luminous asked to reset his last six attempts instead of waiting for his death, he seemed far more tired than usual after his conversation with Shao, it made him reflect about his feelings for Nono to the point of getting distracted in battle.

- First of all, I'm not the only monkey that she brought out from the waterfall, second, I am the one who needs her, she doesn't need me.

- Brother, I expected you to regret going to Cassell College, you wouldn't be so sad otherwise.

- I don't regret it, if I hadn't gone to Cassell College, I wouldn't know my senior brother nor my senior sister or the boss, nor would I know Finger, the Japanese "Lonesome George" brothers... And Erii.

Luminous ignored Ming·Z's snarky remarks and got a better hold of his feelings.

- I always ran after my senior sister, I like her so much that it makes me very sad that I can't be with her. Caesar was born with everything, he could have married any girl he liked but he picked the only one I cared about.

Suddenly I realized that I'm wrong, that was just wishful thinking on my part.

There are more people for me out there, Erii liked me, but Nono was the only one I had eyes for. Nono doesn't need me, I'm the one who feels at ease when I follow her, like she'll feel relieved when she marries the boss. She wouldn't feel like that if she were with me and to pursue her is to act on my most selfish side, why did my senior brother support me?

- Your senior brother wasn't that upright, don't you think?

- Finally, are you willing to admit that he's real?

- Okay okay, Johann Chu really does exist, but there is something wrong with him and you need to get him back"

- Then I'm relieved.

Ming·Z confirmed more things, the city was closed on all exits due to the weather conditions and the Nibelungen was invading their reality on a large scale.

- Thank you, Ming·Z·Lu. Why do you call yourself Ming·Z? You deliberately used my cousin's name"

- No, my name is Ming·Z·Lu, there has always been a Ming·Z·Lu in your life and that's me, not the fat boy in your uncle's house.

Luminous went back to the car, picked the dozens of floating snacks and put them back in Nono's palm one by one.

- Sister, don't worry, you will be fine, I will definitely find a way, I changed my mind, I will attend your wedding, I'll see you in your white dress holding orange flowers, walking on a red carpet full of happiness... Maybe you should throw the bouquet in my direction.

Three girls were sobbing next to his bed when he woke up, Chen Wenwen was the first face he recognized, followed by Su Xiaoyao and Liu Miaomiao. Su was one of the most influential persons in town, so she demanded that her old classmate got released from the hospital.

They took him out on a car and decided to stop on a luxurious bar. They all felt a little insecure about what they were wearing, so Su Xiaoyao asked her driver to bring them their old school uniforms.

Sitting at the bar, after multiple drinks, the girls kept reminiscing of their old days in high school, Luminous past in this reality was the same as Johann's, including his Saxophone recitals at the cultural festivals. He used to envy Johann so much back then...

He stood up and told everyone that he was going to the bathroom, but he changed back to his normal clothes and got out of the bar. A man with a motorized tricycle was waiting for potential passengers outside and Luminous gave him his expensive watch as insurance for borrowing his small vehicle.

He drove all the way to the Number 10 highway and entered the Nibelungen again. Odin was waiting for him far away, he didn't say a word but he slowly raised his lance. Luminous turned around and left the god's prison.

Back in his old apartment, Finger had befriended Luminous's aunt and kept doing shores for her. Nono came back to the place and they argued about their course of action.

- If I had known this was going to happen, I wouldn't have rescued him from that theater.

- Feels like you stepped in bubble gum and you can't take it off.

Finger suddenly left the room and came back with the news, Luminous had left the hospital with three old classmates. Nono grabbed an umbrella and ran out. She knew the bar and she knew about Su Xiaoyao, they weren't going to be hard to find.

By the time she arrived, the three girls were arguing after Luminous left. They actually tried to blame each other, the way they admired him was surprising to Nono. Suddenly, Luminous came back and justified his absence by saying that he went to a convenience store to get something to eat.

Nono watched them from the dark, feeling really stupid, there was a strange obsession that she couldn't let go of. In fact, she should have driven away the silly monkey that pestered her long ago, the more she helped him, the more he would rely on her. This wasn't good for any of them, but she couldn't bear to refuse.

She was afraid that he would end up crying alone in the wilderness, where no one could listen to him. She hoped that one day he could become one of those smart monkeys who run around happily, but maybe this silly monkey was smart from the beginning and she was pitying someone who didn't really need her.

She strolled under the heavy rain, her clothes were soaking and stuck to her body, it was a long way back to the uncle's house but she wanted to walk alone. She felt colder and colder and for the first time in her life she missed the Golden Iris Academy. She felt like going to a ramen stand again but there were no businesses in sight, however, there was a phone booth.

One call, that's all she needed to give away her location, Caesar made her memorize an emergency number long ago, it was the right thing to do, the person she should trust the most in this situation was not Finger or Luminous, but Caesar. Dialing felt like betraying her old classmates, but she started pressing the numbers.

"No, no, no, no, no, don't be like this, don't be like this"

Subconsciously, she looked aside and saw a small boy in the rain, looking at her from the other side of the glass. What was such a young boy doing out there on his own?

He was delicate and beautiful, like a porcelain doll.

- Are you looking for me? She asked.

The expressionless face of the boy slowly got horrifyingly distorted by the raindrops on the glass. She couldn't breathe due to an overwhelming sadness, so she opened the door but the boy was not there anymore. She took the calling card out of the booth and hanged up the phone.

Rome, Italy.

Caesar was waiting in front of a phone, he was under a lot of pressure, but the moment he received Nono's call, all of his problems would be over, yet the phone was silent.

The family elders felt like Luminous had stolen something that belonged to their heir, so they suggested that he cancelled his marriage.

- No, there are only two people in this world who can dissolve that engagement, Nono and me.

To avoid being put under heavy suspicion, he had to act calm and decisive, like he did a few days ago, when he released the monsters from the ice cellar to find the fugitives. Parsi entered the room and informed Caesar about the worsening weather conditions in Beijing, this type of climate phenomenons usually signaled the awakening of powerful dragons.

Luminous, the never-existing Johann Chu, the grim reaper, it was all starting to make sense. Caesar instructed Parsi to prepare his private jet and his desert eagles, he also dissuaded Parsi from going with him. At the lionheart club, president Babru informed the former president and dragon slayer Abdullah Abbas that Caesar wanted to team up with him to hunt the dragon down.

Intrigued, Abdullah accepted and instructed everyone to get ready.

To be continued, final update on Monday.

[ificanthaveu]

Broadway Baby || Shawn Mendes

Description: You have known Shawn Mendes for nine years. And he has been a pain in your ass the entire time. NYC isn’t big enough for the two of you, and your hometown certainly isn’t either. (aka broadway!Shawn)

A/N: I thought of this au out of nowhere and I was like wait a minute....that could be really good. SO here we are! And I think it is pretty good! And yes the Jordan I mention a few times is Jordan Fischer. I am a whore for that man. ALSO just a disclaimer: I know absolutely nothing about the technicality or broadway or new york or anything so plz just pretend thank you

Word Count: 7.6k

Maybe going to your high school’s five-year reunion at some dive bar two hours away from where you currently lived and down the street from your old high school could have been the worst place to be on a Saturday night in May. 

You whisked the wine in your glass around as you watched it arch up the glass, threatening to spill out with each turn. The light above you flickered every few moments, and you couldn’t tell if the reason for your forming headache was the wine or the light or the fact that you were at your reunion. Or maybe all three. 

You leaned against a table with two people from your homeroom, both of them going on and on about their current fifth year of college they were finishing up. One was in a sorority and the other was the president of his frat. You could’ve seen that coming from your freshman year of high school. 

You occasionally chimed in every few moments just to look interested because you really didn’t have anyone else to talk to. You’d gotten here just a little too early since you had to take the drive and overestimated how long it actually took. Everyone who was eager for the reunion was here. Which meant everyone you did not want to see. 

Your friends planned on coming later, and in reality, you should have just stopped at their house before coming but last minute decided against it. You didn’t really see your high school friends as often as you once thought you would. But life got in the way. While everyone else tended to stay in the small town, you were one of the few who made it out to New York City just two hours away. You had a great job, you bought a house and had a dog. It couldn’t get much better for you. 

So, why you thought you would want to relive your high school days for a night? You still don’t know what you were thinking. 

“[Y/N]?” Eli said from next to you as you blinked a few times before looking at him. 

“How’s the big city?” He said with his smile that actually was too white. 

“Good! Really good!” You said with a smile before you took a sip, hoping he wouldn’t ask any more questions. 

“Do you ever run into Shawn?” Kelly asked from the other side of you. 

The name itself sent shivers down your spine. Not good ones. 

“Nope,” you said with a pop in your “p” as you downed your glass. 

“You guys were so close in high school,” Eli said. 

You held back a laugh as you glanced back over at him, “No, we weren’t.”

“Well you were the leads in all the musicals together,” Eli replied. 

“That means we were forced to act like we liked each other onstage. We were good actors. That’s why we were the leads,” you tried to say as casually as possible without making it obvious that your blood was boiling. 

“Could have fooled me,” Kelly taunted as she sipped at her drink.

You stifled an eye roll as you thought about what the best time would be to sneak away and get more wine. 

“Speak of the devil,” Eli said as you followed his eyes across the room. 

Your eyes briefly met with Shawn’s as he sauntered into the bar with more confidence than he should be allowed to have. 

You heard Kelly sigh from next to you as she rested her head on her hand. 

You could throw up. 

By the time you looked up again, he was walking right towards you. 

So, now was the right time to get another glass. 

You turned around and waved the bartender down for some wine and then thought maybe two glasses was a better idea but didn’t want to look as trashy as you felt right now being in the same room as Shawn again. 

By the time you turned around with your wine, Shawn was deep in conversation with Eli as Kelly lovingly listened in. 

You took a quick scan of the room, praying there could be someone else you could talk to. Most of the people you really didn’t care for or barely remembered. You spotted a few football players you had known since Kindergarten and hadn’t seen in a while. 

You were about to cross the room to them when you heard Eli say, “[Y/N]’s right here.”

Shawn looked up and smirked as his eyes met yours. There goes your escape. 

You smiled sweetly as you made your way back in between Eli and Kelly and a comfortable distance from Shawn. 

“Hi, Shawn.”

“[Y/N], good to see you,” he said, the damn smirk not leaving his face. 

“You too,” you mumbled from the rim of your glass. 

“Heard you’re over at Samson Management now? You know Jordan?”

You nodded your head and leaned on the table again, “Yeah, I work with Jordan pretty often. He’s fantastic.”

Shawn looked over to Kelly, turning on his charm as he said, “Jordan’s the lead right now in the musical I’m in.”

It took every ounce of you to not roll your eyes and say something snarky. 

“You mean the musical you’re an understudy for?”

It didn’t work.

Shawn cocked an eyebrow at you and his smile faltered as you foiled his face he was putting up for everyone. 

“Yes, [Y/N], that would be the one,” he said slowly. 

“Mhm,” you mumbled.

“Anyway, I’m in Dear Evan Hansen, and Jordan plays Evan right now. We’re pretty good friends, and he’s managed by the company [Y/N] interns for,” he said simply. 

“I’m not an intern,” you said calmly. 

“You were.”

“When I was in college, now I’m a junior manager,” you said, your grip on your glass getting dangerously harder. 

“Hm, whoops,” he said before taking a drink of his beer. 

You could cut the tension with a knife as Eli and Kelly shared looks. 

“Who are you managed by again, Shawn?” You asked. 

If looks could kill, you’d be dead. 

“I’m in between managers.”

“Isn’t that what people say when they were fired from a job? That they’re in-between jobs?” You said with a quiet laugh. 

You could practically see the steam threatening to spill from Shawn’s ears. 

“Things weren’t working out,” he said carefully. 

“I’m going to go say hi to Andy,” Kelly said quietly as she backed away. 

“Me too,” Eli said as he did the same. 

You were in a staredown with Shawn as they both almost sprinted away. 

“Want anything from the bar, [Y/N]? Or still nursing your third glass?” He taunted as he walked past you to the bar behind you. 

“Not my third.”

“Sorry, second,” he said with a smile as he turned around. 

You shook your head and bit your lip harshly. 

“Just upset I’m spoiling your whole facade?” You said, leaning against the bar next to him. “A simple google search could have spoiled it anyway.”

“Sorry we’re not all perfect,” he said, not looking at you. 

“Yeah, real bummer,” you said before pushing yourself off the bar and making your way across the room to the people you meant to see earlier. 

Andy scooped you up into a big hug as you finally approached him, rocking you back and forth. 

“Heard you were being snarky across the room?” He whispered in your ear before pulling away and giving you the same look he’d been giving to you since Kindergarten. 

“Some things never change,” you said as you sat down next to him. 

“No one really likes him anyway, just think they do because they think he might be famous one day,” he said. 

“He won’t be,” you said. “We run in relatively the same circle with my office managing a lot of the people he performs with. He won’t go anywhere with that attitude.”

“Nothing’s changed,” he mumbled. 

“Not at all.”

You watched Shawn sweet-talk one of the old cheerleaders from across the room, probably raving about his latest performance where he was a background character for one whole scene but making it sound so much better. 

“I’m still shocked nothing ever happened between the two of you,” Andy suggested. 

You shot your head to the side to look at him. 

“I can’t be with him for more than a minute without a fight starting,” you reminded him. 

“That tension, I’m telling you,” he said quietly. 

“You are unbelievable,” you said through a laugh. 

Before he could respond, Shawn was walking to the group you were currently in. 

“Don’t be mean,” Andy warned. 

“You know I can’t promise that,” you whispered back. 

“Our own broadway baby!” One of the girls yelled as Shawn hugged one of the guys. 

You scoffed as Andy shot you a warning look before waving at Shawn. 

Shawn returned the wave and walked closer. 

(ITALICS) Here we go again. 

“Good to see you, man,” Shawn said as he shook his hand. 

“You, too,” Andy said as sweet as ever. 

“You still live around here?” Shawn asked. 

“No, I actually live in Chicago now,” Andy said. 

“That’s great,” Shawn said, being nicer than usual. 

“Yeah, how’s the big city?” Andy returned the question. 

“Really great,” Shawn said before taking a drink. “I keep pretty busy.”

“So I hear,” Andy said with a nod. 

You took another drink as you watched the interaction between the two of them. Andy knew how much you didn’t like Shawn, but the two still always got along pretty well. While you were always the first person he greeted after the musical, Shawn was the second. You tried not to let it make your blood boil. But that’s just how Andy was. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. 

“Hey, [Y/N], heard a bunch of people from Samson’s are coming to the show next week?” Shawn questioned.

“Yes, we are,” you said casually. 

“We? As in you’re going?” Shawn pried. 

“Well, I do work with Jordan fairly often, so yes, I will be going,” you said softly. 

“Great,” he said through a toothy smile. 

“Fantastic,” you said as you mirrored his look. 

Before the conversation could turn bad, Shawn got distracted and walked away. 

Andy let out a breath before taking a drink, “I have a feeling you don’t actually feel fantastic about it.”

“As long as I don’t see him, we’ll be just fine,” you said, leaning your elbow on the table.

“I feel like that’s jinxing yourself,” Andy said slowly. 

“Well, I’ve said it over fifty times since we decided we were going, so this time would be no different. If it was jinxed, it was jinxed over a month ago,” you said, finishing your glass. 

“I wish you luck,” he said. 

“Thanks,” you said as you squeezed his arm before standing up to go to your friends who just walked in. 

You could see Sophie eyeing Shawn from a mile away. 

“Soph?” You questioned as she snapped out of it and looked at you. “What are you looking at?”

“I’m not saying that out loud,” she replied. 

“Good idea,” you said back. 

“You have to admit, he looks good,” she said simply. 

“You know I would never admit that even if I did believe it.”

The few of you made your way around a table with a few other people you did the musicals with and talked about the great times you had as you had another glass of wine and started to feel it hit, along with everyone else. 

You were laughing at someone’s story about a performance gone wrong before you realized Shawn was there. You couldn’t even tell when he got there but it wasn’t bothering you nearly as much as you thought it would. 

When he wasn’t trying to impress everyone around him, he wasn’t bad at all to be around, but when his ego took over and all he wanted to do was make people think he was something he wasn’t, you wanted to kill him. 

“Remember when [Y/N] bit Shawn’s lip?” Sophie reminded everyone. 

Shawn threw his head back in laughter as you shook your head and looked down. 

“I still have a scar!” Shawn yelled from across the table as he pointed at you. 

“I’m sorry!” You yelled back through a laugh. “If you would’ve done the moves we practiced, it wouldn’t have happened!”

“You bit through his lip!” someone said. 

“Not on purpose!” You said through a laugh. 

Shawn shook his head as the group calmed down, “I find that hard to believe.”

“Well, believe it. The last thing I wanted to do was have to drive you to the emergency room on a Friday night,” you said. 

“And you stayed with me the whole time,” he said as he rested his hand on his chest. “I’m touched.”

“Don’t get used to it,” you reminded him. 

“I would never,” he said with a smirk. 

“Someone do karaoke!” Someone else yelled as they pointed at two people getting off the stage. 

Your eyes met Shawn’s from across the table as you both nodded and walked towards the stage, not even having to say the song which you found early on was both your default karaoke song. It was always a duet between the two of you at your cast parties. 

Bruises by Train started playing as people turned and cheered to see the duo up on stage. 

Shawn started singing the first verse as you bopped your head to the familiar tune. 

You cut in with your part as you looked at him, and he looked back at you. 

You felt like you were back on stage with him, playing the part and acting like you could kiss him when this was all said and done. He joined in with you for the chorus as the two of you stood fairly close, looking at each other as you belted the chorus. 

You stood side by side for the next part, your shoulders brushing as you pointed at people as you sang “have you seen him?”

You casually changed “Johnny B” to “Andy T” as Andy hollered from the back of the bar and Shawn laughed through his half of the line. 

You went back into the chorus as you looked at him again, spreading your arms and feeling like you were on the big stage all over again. You didn’t realize how much you missed it. 

You sang the lines of the bridge softly as Shawn did the same, his eyes not leaving yours. You looked at Shawn in ways you hadn’t since the final night senior year, reminding everyone watching why the two of you were always the stars.

Before you could register it, the song was done and you were standing inches from Shawn as everyone cheered. 

“Guess you still got it,” Shawn said with a small smile. 

“Guess you do, too,” you said back, not even wanting to be snarky anymore. 

You both walked back to your table, this time Shawn standing next to you as you laughed with your friends. 

You glanced at the time just to see it was 1:00 am as people were leaving. 

“Shit,” you mumbled as you went to call an Uber since you clearly couldn’t drive. 

You looked around just to see that Sophie and your other friends had left. Andy was gone, too, and you were running out of options. 

You planned on not really drinking and just driving back to the city tonight, but that was no longer an option. 

“You good?” You heard from behind you. 

You turned to see Shawn with his hands tucked in his pockets. 

“I was going to drive back tonight,” you mumbled. 

“That’s not happening anymore.”

“Yeah, I know,” you scoffed. “I’ll just call my parents.”

“Come on, I got a hotel. You can stay with me,” Shawn said as he started walking away. 

“Aren’t you drunk?” You said as you watched him. 

He turned around and shook his head, “I had one beer nearly six hours ago.”

“Oh, ok,” you said as you followed him to his car.

You drove in silence to a hotel a few blocks away, feeling your buzz quickly wear off. 

You followed him in and up to his room. He let you in in front of him as you made your way to the bed in the corner and plopped down on it. 

“You’re a lifesaver,” you said to the ceiling. 

“I know,” he sighed as he sat on the edge of your bed. “We can pick up your car in the morning.”

“Thanks,” you said as you turned on your side to look at him.

“I’m sorry about before,” you said softly. “I got carried away with the digs.”

He nodded his head and leaned back so his head was next to yours, “I deserved it.”

You turned to look at him better, noticing his jawline as he spoke. 

“I mean, it’s kind of embarrassing having to come to your reunion as an understudy,” he said softly. 

“It’s still Broadway,” you reminded him. “You’re twenty-two. You have plenty of time to ace the lead.”

“Thanks,” he said as he also turned to look at you. 

Your faces were dangerously close as you watched his eyes flick towards your lips and you inched closer. 

Before you could rethink it, Shawn was on top of you and his tongue was in your mouth. 

Every insult you had hurled before were forgotten as he deepened the kiss and moved you up the bed, his hand caressing your back underneath your shirt and getting dangerously close to your bra. 

This was not something you ever did in the musicals.

You woke up the next morning, slightly startled as you looked around at your surroundings. 

And then seeing the sleeping figure next to you.

“Fuck,” you mumbled as you remembered doing things you never imagined doing the night before. 

You noticed you were wearing his shirt and tried not to groan as you slowly got out of the bed to find your clothes. You threw them back on and called an Uber as you slipped on your heels and tiptoed to the door, grabbing your purse and sneaking out. 

You sat in the back of the Uber and cursed everything you could as you made your way to the bar again. 

You hopped out of the car and into your own as you rested your head on your steering wheel and banged it against it a few times for good measure. 

Your headache began to sink in as you prayed you wouldn’t have to throw up on your two-hour drive back home. 

You finally started your car and put the nearest McDonalds into your maps before pulling out. 

You could’ve screamed when Bruises played through your speakers. 

—

Your pounding headache didn’t go away the next few days, and it certainly wasn’t just from your hangover. 

Monday was a whole new obstacle as half your coworkers asked about your reunion and the other half wanted to talk about the show on Friday. 

Your head was pounding, and your coffee wasn’t cutting it anymore. You rested your head in your hands for a moment to breathe before you went to grab lunch.

Your phone rang before you even had that moment. 

“Yes?” You said simply.

“You have a visitor. He’ll be waiting in the commons,” the receptionist said before hanging up. 

Your heart leaped into your throat before you tried to swallow it down. You took a shaky breath before grabbing your bag and walking downstairs, a little too terrified to see who was waiting for you downstairs. 

Seeing Andy waiting there was the best thing to happen to you in the past week. 

You breathed a sigh of relief as you walked up to him and gave him a quick hug. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked with a smile. 

“My flight leaves out of JFK in a few hours, so I thought we could grab lunch first,” he said as you began to walk out of the building. 

“Perfect. The place next door is great,” you said as you felt the first joy you’d felt since Saturday night. 

“I also have to ask you something,” he said slowly. 

“Mhm,” you mumbled as you pushed the door open to the cafe, and he followed behind you.

“Where did you go Saturday night? After the reunion?”

Your heart went right back into your throat as you didn’t look at him and instead focused on the menu on the wall. 

“Back here. I got back super late,” you said as you begged your voice not to falter. 

“Really? Because I saw your car there Sunday morning,” he said. 

You knew you couldn’t prolong it, so you finally looked at him as he looked at you with a blank stare and raised eyebrows. 

“I went to Sophie’s,” you tried. 

“Sophie left before I did,” he said quietly. “And she left with Eli.”

You didn’t respond and instead stepped up to order your usual. You could hear Andy sigh as you recited your order. 

You stepped to the side and let him order before grabbing a table in a secluded corner.

He sat his number down on the table before sitting across from you and leaning forward on the table, giving you another look. 

“We’ll do this again. Where did you go Saturday night?” He asked. 

You sighed as your shoulders slumped. 

“I stayed with Shawn,” you whispered. “He offered, and I didn’t have many other options.”

“I knew it,” he said in his typical, “I told you so” voice he’d been using on you for years. 

“Don’t even say anything. I’m not proud of it,” you mumbled as they set your food in front of you. 

“[Y/N], come on. You know I’d never say anything mean about it,” he reminded you. 

“Yeah, yeah I know,” you said as you started to pick at your food. “No one knows.”

“So I’m guessing that means you did more than just sleep wherever he was staying?” He pried. 

“If I don’t say it out loud, it never happened,” you said before taking a sip. 

“Oh my God,” he mumbled. 

“You said you wouldn’t say anything,” you groaned. 

“I won’t. I won’t,” he said before he sighed. “I just want to say that I told you so, and I saw this coming from a mile away.”

“Ok, I get it,” you said through a laugh. 

“I mean I literally said it probably hours before you did it,” he reminded you again. 

“Yes, ok, anyway, when does your flight leave?” You said, trying to derail the conversation. 

“4:00 pm, but anyway, who came on to who?” He continued. 

“I’m not answering any questions,” you said, taking bites of your food as he thought of more questions to ask. 

“Fine,” he sighed, finally eating. 

“But he definitely came on to me.”

“I knew it.”

— 

You kept busy the next week on your latest project, and you managed to forget about the past weekend...until Friday came up faster than expected. 

You hated to admit it, but you bought a new outfit for the show, one that you know would make Shawn drool in the off chance you did see him.

During the day you were in and out of meetings, barely having time to even sit down in your office. When you finally had a chance, one of the interns leaned in. 

“Ross was looking for you before, but he just told me to tell you that Jordan won’t be on tonight,” she said. 

“What?” you said a little louder than planned. 

“Yeah, I think he said he has strep throat,” she explained before walking away. 

You took a deep breath and ran your hands through your hair. 

This could’ve been your worst nightmare.

You took your time getting ready after work as the chances you would see Shawn increased with each passing moment in the past week. 

You met your coworkers outside the venue an hour before the show and found Ross to grab your ticket. 

“Someone told you right?” Ross said as he handed it to you. 

“Yeah, Jordan’s out,” you said through a sigh. 

“And that Shawn Mendes will be on,” he said as he looked at the altered program. “Know anything about him?”

“Well,” you paused and wondered if you should tell the truth or lie through your teeth. “I actually went to high school with him.”

Ross’s eyebrows shot up as he looked at you. “Tell me everything. I hear he’s looking for new management.”

You bit your tongue as your group walked into the theater and tried to think this through. 

“He’s insanely talented. We starred in most of the musicals together, and he manages to have chemistry with anyone he’s onstage with, which I hope you’ll see tonight. He’s got a good heart, but I think it’s hard for him to show it sometimes. This is all he’s ever wanted to do, and he shows it in everything he does,” you explained as you found your seats. 

“He sounds like a good guy,” Ross offered. 

“Yeah,” you paused. “He is.”

“What musicals did the two of you do together?” He continued. 

“Um, wow, we did The Last Five Years, High School Musical, Footloose and Hairspray,” you remembered. 

“So why did he go and do this while you went into management?” 

“He had the confidence I could never get,” you said as your voice shook just the slightest.

“You’re confident.”

“I wasn’t in high school,” you explained. “Shawn had enough for the two of us. Sure, I would’ve loved to do this,” you gestured to the stage. “But Shawn knew he was going to do this. There was a big difference.”

“Yeah, I get that,” he said with a nod. “And you settled for management.”

“I wouldn’t say settled. This is my dream job,” you said through a small laugh. “I wanted college and stability. I needed it. Shawn was always really good at being spontaneous which was definitely something I could’ve learned from.”

“You speak pretty highly of him,” Ross pointed out. 

You paused for a moment and ran through the conversation you just had in your head. You didn’t realize how many nice things you had to say about him. 

“Yeah,” you said before pausing. “He’s a really good guy. We didn’t always get off on the right foot, but when it came down to it, we made a good duo.”

“Well, if this show goes well, I just might have to have a conversation with him afterward. Care to join me? Introduce me to him?” Ross questioned as he looked at you. 

You swallowed hard before nodding your head, “Of course.”

The lights dimmed before Ross could say anything more than “Great.”

You took a deep breath and released it slowly as Shawn walked on to the stage. You were nervous for him, you being the only one who knew the weight of this performance, what Samson Management could do for him. 

You’d never even seen him perform except from the wings of a stage while you did a quick change or quickly rehearsed lines with someone in the stage crew. Before tonight, all you ever got were glimpses of the person he became when he walked on stage. 

And he was amazing at it. 

He had the whole crowd on the edge of their seats as he sang “Waving Through a Window.” You did everything in your power to make sure no one saw you wipe the tear escape your eye. 

You never would’ve been able to tell that this was Shawn’s first time performing this part. He had the whole audience laughing when they needed to be laughing and crying when they needed to be crying. You felt your heart follow his journey as you saw Shawn genuinely thrive. 

It was intermission before you knew it, and you took a moment in the bathroom to fix your makeup that may have ran down your cheek a little. 

By the time you got back to your seat, Ross was jotting down quick notes. 

“So, what do you think?” You asked. 

“He really is something else,” he said with a big smile. “We definitely have to talk after.”

You couldn’t hide your smile as the lights dimmed again and the musical continued. 

By the time the show was done, your mascara needed fixing again and your chest hurt. You ducked into the bathroom again before meeting Ross to introduce him to Shawn. 

You showed your credentials to the stage manager as you walked ahead of Ross to find the door with Shawn’s name on it. You took a deep breath before knocking slightly and hearing a muffled “come in.”

You creaked the door open to watch Shawn turn around to see you. 

“[Y/N],” he said just above a whisper as his face fell. 

Before he could say anything else, you opened up the door more to show Ross with you. Shawn’s immediately put on a different face as he stood up. 

“Shawn, this is Ross Thompson, senior manager at Samson Management. Ross, this is Shawn Mendes, Clinton’s own Broadway baby,” you said with a smile as the two shook hands before Shawn nervously stuffed his in his pockets and glanced over at you. 

“You were amazing,” Ross started. “And we would love to meet with you sometime, over at Samson.”

“Really? That would be amazing,” Shawn said with a smile. 

Ross handed him his card before saying, “Email me Monday morning about what times work best for you within this next week, and we’ll set up a time where the three of us can talk.” He said as he gestured at you, and you nodded your head. 

“Thank you so much. I look forward to talking more,” Shawn said as he shook Ross’s hand again. 

“We’ll see you then,” Ross said as the both of you turned toward the door. 

“[Y/N]?” You heard him say as you both turned around. “Can I steal you for a minute?”

You swallowed hard before nodding over at Ross.

“I’ll meet you guys at Ellen’s,” you said with a soft smile before Ross waved goodbye and walked out. 

You shut the door behind him before you leaned against it and looked at Shawn. 

“I have about a million things to say, and I don’t know which one to start with,” he said a little too quickly. 

“Yeah, I figured.”

“What did you say?” He paused. “That made him want to talk with me?”

“Well, he asked about you and was so excited to hear that we went to high school together, so I told him everything I could,” you said quietly. 

“Which was?” He pried. 

“Um,” you faltered. “I said that we starred in the musicals together…”

“And?” He cut you off. 

“And that you’re amazing at what you do. That you were born to be doing this, and it shows when you walk onstage. That you have a good heart, but sometimes have a hard time showing it. That we didn’t always get off on the right foot, but at the end of it all, we made a really good duo,” you said, trying to look anywhere but his eyes that seemed to be piercing into yours. 

“You mean that?”

You could hear the strain in his voice. 

“Of course I do,” you said through an exhale. “Look at you, Shawn. You just walked out on that stage like you’ve been playing this role your whole life. You had that whole audience convinced you were the actual Evan Hansen when that person doesn’t even exist.”

A moment of silence surrounded the two of you. You stared just past Shawn at the table scattered with his things, focusing on an open foundation bottle instead of him. 

“So you liked it?” He finally said. 

“I loved it,” you said quietly. “I’ve never actually gotten to see perform from an audience before. It was breathtaking.”

“Thanks,” he said almost under his breath. 

It went quiet again, and you uncomfortably switched from one foot to the other as the tension filled the room like so many times before. Except for all different reasons. 

“So why’d you leave?” He finally asked as his hands flew up with frustration. 

Your body slumped as you sighed and sat on the arm of the chair right next to the door. 

“Please don’t do this, Shawn,” you begged as you looked at the floor. 

“No, I’m doing this. Why did you leave? I’m not just some guy you met at a bar, [Y/N]. I thought you had a little more respect for me than that,” he said, the frustration in his voice evident. 

“Because you’re you,” you started. “You’re a pain in my ass and have been for the past nine years. I’ve had to watch you captivate the stage with this natural flair that only you could pull off, and I never could. Seeing you on Saturday was like being on stage as a freshman as Gabriella all over again, and I was staring at Troy, who had the confidence of ten people, showing this whole world what he can do, and I can’t. I couldn’t just let myself live in whatever fake world we made up Saturday night just to regret it Sunday morning.”

“Why are you saying this? It’s been five years since we last sang together, but it felt like yesterday when I looked at you doing that note change you always did when we sang that song. Whenever I perform with you, I forget that you’re you. I forget that you hate my guts half the time and the other half of the time you’re tolerating it because you have to,” he said, frustration evident in his voice. “You can’t make up excuses anymore, [Y/N]. What happened Saturday was not some performance. We’re not in high school. And even if we were, you are still just as amazing as a performer as you think I am, but you’re still stuck in this mindset that you were just put there by default.”

“Do you know how hard it is to perform with you when everyone who encounters you falls in love with you?” You almost yelled as you stood up, and Shawn stepped back. “I had to, and still have to, work twice as hard as you to get half of the recognition you did. We were never equals. I didn’t hate you, Shawn. I could never hate you because of how you made me feel like I was everything when we were on stage together. I have tried every night for the past nine years to forget the way my stomach would flip when you sang to me, and right when I thought I could, I was right back to it because of that fucking reunion.”

“Then why did you leave?” He finally yelled. “I thought I had finally figured you out, finally figured out how I could get you to be mine, and by the time I woke up, you were gone and probably halfway to New York. Why won’t you just accept that there was always something here, but you were too scared to ever admit it because of what other people thought of me?”

You didn’t say anything. You didn’t have anything to say. 

“I have been chasing after you for nine years, and I’m just starting to think that I just can’t do it anymore,” he said quietly as he sat down on the couch opposite of you with his hand on his forehead. 

You watched the way he rubbed his forehead as he caught his breath, the way his body slumped as he let out everything he’d always wanted to say. 

“When I woke up on Sunday, I couldn’t get out of my head that I was just there because I was convenient for the night. That I wasn’t what you actually wanted,” you said slowly. “I didn’t realize there was something more.”

He sighed and looked up at you.

“But by the time I got back here, I knew I shouldn’t have left. I made that mistake, and I’m sorry that you had to deal with the consequences of it. Whenever I’m with you, I just get caught back in this old mindset that you’re always going to be better than me, and that’s a real blow to the ego, but it’s all in my head,” you said. 

He didn’t say anything as you finished your thoughts. 

“That’s all I have left to say,” you said after a moment.

“Then I think you should go,” you said just above a whisper. 

“Shawn…” you started. 

“I’ve had enough for one night. Please just go.”

So you did.

—

The following week was just as painful as the one before as you awaited the meeting you would eventually have to sit through with just Ross and Shawn. The calendar notification popped up Monday morning, so you knew Shawn called him as soon as he possibly could to set this up. You had a brief meeting with Ross on Thursday morning, and Shawn was planned to join you shortly after. 

You walked with Ross to one of the rooms on the first floor to go over some notes before meeting Shawn. He pulled up his laptop and let out a sigh. 

“I need you to be honest with me about how you feel about Shawn,” Ross said. 

“Ok,” you said carefully. 

“Because I asked around and the things I’ve heard have been exactly 50/50. People either love him or hate him. I can’t afford to have a hated man on our team,” Ross explained. “So I need the real story.”

You took a deep breath and stared at your own computer screen before looking up at him. 

“I have known Shawn since I was 14. The first time I met him was a chemistry read for High School Musical. I had heard about him. I had heard…not the greatest things about him. That he had a big ego and knew he was good and wasn’t afraid to flaunt it. So, I went into that chemistry read with this horrible idea of him in my head. And I held on to it for a lot longer than I’d like to admit. But every day I spent with him on the stage, that chipped away more and more,” you said. 

“What I said on Friday, about him knowing this is what he was meant to do, is completely true. People often take that the wrong way. I took that the wrong way. I wasted years hating him when he was just passionate about what he did. Once you realize that, he is genuinely one of the most amazing performers you will ever work with and just as amazing of a person,” you finished. 

Ross nodded his head as he leaned back in his chair, crossing an ankle over a knee as he bit the end of his pen. 

“I trust you,” he said after a moment. 

Before you could say anything else, Ross’s laptop dinged to notify him that Shawn was here. 

“You want to go get him?” Ross offered. 

You nodded your head and walked out of the room and down the long hallway to see Shawn waiting at the end of it by the receptionist’s desk. 

“Shawn,” you said with a head nod towards the hallway. 

He didn’t say anything and followed you down the hallway. 

Before you went in, Shawn stopped a few feet away from the door. You turned around and looked at him. 

“This is make or break for me,” he said. 

“I know.”

“What do you think it’s going to be?” He asked. 

You sighed and leaned against the wall. 

“Despite what has happened, I have done everything I possibly can at this point. I believe in you, Shawn, and I’ve done everything I can to get Ross to feel that same way,” you explained. 

“You mean that?”

“Every word.”

You didn’t allow him time to respond as you opened the door and let him in in front of you. His nerves seemed to evaporate away as he shook Ross’s hand and took a seat across from the two of you. 

Ross sighed as he sat down before he said, “I’ll cut right to it.”

Shawn simply nodded his head. 

“We would love for you to join our team,” he said. 

You watched Shawn relax, and it took everything in you not to jump up. 

“Thank you so much, sir. You won’t regret it,” Shawn said with a smile that could light up the entire city. 

“I know,” Ross said with a head nod. “You’re lucky you have someone as great as [Y/N] in your life. She did a really good job of talking you up.”

Shawn looked at you as your eyes widened at Ross’s blatant statement. 

“Yeah,” Shawn said, still looking at you. “I am.”

The meeting went relatively quickly as preliminary paperwork was filled out and the basics were gone over. The looks Shawn gave you didn’t go unnoticed as you explained the necessary policies. 

“Well, Shawn, that’s all we have for you today,” Ross said as he stacked up some papers and set them on top of his laptop. “You’ll be working mostly with me and [Y/N], but for the majority of the time it’ll just be [Y/N],” he said as he gestured to you. 

You nodded your head as Shawn looked at you again and nodded along. 

“You have my number, but call this number if it’s during work hours,” you said as you handed him your card. “I check my email constantly, so you’ll also be able to reach me quickly there if I’m in a meeting.”

“Got it,” he said as he placed your card with the other papers stacked in his arms. 

“We look forward to working with you,” Ross said as he gestured forward. “I’ll have [Y/N] walk you out,” 

You and Shawn walked out the door and down the hallway towards the front door as tension surrounded you two again. 

“Can I see you this weekend?” Shawn said quickly as you reached the front door. 

Without saying anything, you pushed him out the front door, and you followed behind him. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled. 

“No, no, just the receptionist is nosey,” you said with a head shake. “Ross doesn’t care.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Anyway…” you offered. 

“Right, I just think we need to talk,” he said as he impatiently fiddled with his thumbs. 

“What’s there left to say, Shawn?” You asked as you crossed your arms as an unexpected breeze blew by. “We both said what we needed to last weekend. I got you your management team. What else do you want?”

“I don’t just want you because of a management team,” Shawn said with hurt in his voice. “And I did not think you’d be the one I’d work with if they brought me on here.”

“We want to keep you with people you know-“

“That doesn’t matter right now. [Y/N], what I’m trying to say is I want to see you. I want to take you on a damn date because I’ve wanted to since I was 14 and heard you sing ‘Breaking Free,’” he said, sounding out of breath, rarely seeing him so vulnerable.

You felt the smile tug at your lips as you tried to keep a straight face. 

“We do still have a lot to talk about,” you said. 

“A shit ton, but it would be a lot easier to do that over a drink, and when I know you feel the same way I do about you.”

You rolled your eyes with a smile before you said, “Of course, I want to get a drink with you. As a date.”

“Thank, God,” he said as his body slumped and his breath left him. 

“I told Ross about how I truly felt about you. That that big ego I thought you had was just passion for what you did, and I realize that now. And I’m sorry I couldn’t do it sooner,” you said before pausing. “You’re a good guy, Shawn,” you said simply as you looked up at him. “I don’t think I say that enough, and certainly not to your face.”

“Then say it again,” he said through a small smile. 

“Never.”

He stepped forward, aiming to kiss you but you held your hand up before he did. 

“I’m not going to kiss you outside my office, and I don’t kiss before the first date,” you said with a smirk.

He returned the look as he raised an eyebrow and leaned in to hug you. 

You held on to him tightly as he gripped onto you the same way. You felt his lips graze over your ear. 

“We’ve done a lot more than kiss before our first date.”

You pushed him off and walked towards the door, begging the blush to disappear from your face before you made it back to your office. 

“See you tomorrow? Ed’s on fifth? Pick you up at 6?”

You turned around and looked at him as he started backing away. 

“The Broadway bar? Really?”

“I have a brand,” he said with a shrug and his signature smirk.

You turned to go into the building before leaning out the door to look at him one last time.

“See you then, broadway baby.”

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[pkmnjesus]

He won one...for me, for us 🏆

Satoshi, Ash Ketchum, the 10 year old I grew up watching since 1998.

Before I get started, I want to thank all those people who took part in my Discord server chat tonight (especially those who just joined!) to witness a very  special moment live in the Pokémon anime’s history. It’s been probably THE MOST ACTIVE it’s ever been in (Prolly since the 1st Brock & Misty appearance in Alola), and I can’t thank you enough that I helped build healthy and lively area for people to talk about one common interest and see everyones so excited about it. So, if you haven’t joined the PokéTõku server yet, we’re always still welcoming more people to come join the group/family that love Pokémon as much as wed do -> https://discord.gg/mVSgxbp (cheap plug heh). ANYHOW...

Guys you don’t know how much this means to me and a few other older fans who grew up with this all their life without missing a single beat of this show. The number one question I often get asked is, “why are you still watching the show after all these years?”. The same answer I always give them was simply because of Ash (& Pikachu I guess :3). In fact, it’s basically the whole reason why I’m here on tumblr, why I chose the pokeani platform and hopefully form a community. I’ve got to know so many people over the years because of this journey, and I only want to think of the positives out of it. I told them that as long as he’s in the show going through every known existing region out there, the journey still continues, and I will follow him until journey’s end because I want to see him win a Pokémon League. After loss after loss in a span of every 5 years (estimated), it can be frustrating to see a protagonist you grew up watching fail every time when he reaches near the finish line. Newer gen. fans don’t understand how much disappointment you can feel during every stage of your life. From kindergarten, pre-teen, high school, college to present. The reason why so many other fans left is because of their frustration of watching long series filled with “pointless fillers” to watch a “bad trainer” make dumb decisions of not evolving his Pokémon and lose at every region. I was the only few from my generation where Pokémon was the biggest hit in the late 90s to never fall out of this show, and I’ve been made fun of because I never “grew out” of it. I honestly could have chosen the genwunner path easily, and focus on other things. But, I told myself I won’t stop watching this show until I see Ash win a major Pokémon League. I was so happy when he won the Orange League and even conquered Battle Frontier, but it still felt he was missing that big win.

And as of September 15th 2019, he did just that. Even he was in disbelief that he beat Gladion which really represented how I felt (despite seeing the spoiler-ish preview). I just couldn’t believe it actually happened. I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream, I didn’t jump out of my seat...I was literally just sitting there staring at my screen in awe silently saying to myself...”he did it” with a smile on my face. I didn’t show any outer emotions, but I can definitely feel a lot of them inside as I reflect on how far he’s come. I don’t care what anyone else might say about this, but THIS WAS A BIG WIN FOR HIM. Seeing him hold that trophy felt like my childhood had closure. But I know the journey isn’t over yet. Remember, his dream is to become Pokémon MASTER, NOT a CHAMPION which people often treat the two as the same. Knowing him, he probably still wants to go to more places, so he can get stronger and be friends with even more Pokémon. But let’s say that even if someone does beat him in a title defense for his champion status, only few of people can be call themselves INAUGURAL champion of Alola, and that’s what Ash achieved today. Even if he ends up losing the rank, NO OTHER TRAINER can take that away from him being the FIRST EVER. Honestly, if the anime ends at Sun & Moon, I’d be contented with it. Still sad, but at least I got to finally see him win a big one and we can just come up with our own extended head-canons for him lol...I still do wish to see him in the next gen. anime though! Whether if he’s older, or still the same age. I’d still watch.

With that being said, you know that there will be some criticism from “fans” mostly from the people that barely even watched the SM anime. Oh trust me, I’ve already seen some comments you don’t want to hear about it. But, instead of doing arguments you’ll probably get frustrated with, why not encourage them to watch Sun & Moon even more? This is a good opportunity for those that missed out on how truly amazing the storytelling this series has done to each of their characters, and how powerful one episode can get even if it doesn’t have to do with a continuing story arc. You know which episodes I’m referring to, and this is coming from an old fan of the anime. I’m lucky to be the way I am.

I will admit, there are times I doubted, heck, even made fun of Ash, but at end of the day, I always still believed in him and cheered him on in every battle. I cheered him when I was 3 years old, and twenty years later as 24 year old, I’m still doing it. Thank you for finally winning, and thank you for me watching over 1,000 episodes of content worth while. Never skipped a “filler”. :’)

Young P J always sporting his Ash cap...what a dork (circa 1999-2000)

[purplesurveys]

926

Significant other/crush survey

–CURRENT–

Something that you have in common: We’re working towards getting to pretty much the same industry, we’re both competitive as fuck and hate losing, we love dogs though she’s way better at disciplining them, and we love our coffee.

Are they a friend or just an acquaintance? She’s already my girlfriend. But she’s also my best friend.

Do you make an effort to talk to them or wait for them to talk to you? It works both ways, but generally I’m more talkative and I like sharing stories so I initiate conversations more often. Sometimes it can be annoying when I feel like she never starts a convo first, but I’ve come to understand that she’s not really the texting/IM-ing type.

What happens when you make eye contact? I mean, we’re always making eye contact lol but if we do it accidentally, we usually give each other a smile.

How often to you get to see this person? I used to see her 2-3 times a week when we were still in school since I drove and it was easy to see her whenever I wanted and could. Now that we’re maneuvering ~employment~ and ~being an adult~ in the middle of Covid, we haven’t figured out our arrangement yet and how often we could see each other. At the moment, it’s 1-2 times a month.

What bothers you the most about this person? She can get a little selfish and fail to consider my emotions and vulnerability if a situation personally doesn’t bother her. I’ve asked her to work on it and I’ve seen progress here and there, but when it comes down to it she simply tends to be individualistic and likes to look out for herself. Those are not bad things per se, it’s just that they sometimes end up affecting me.

Who is usually the first to flirt? She is, but that’s saying a lot as we aren’t too much of the flirting type. Maybe flirt is the wrong word...I’d say she’s the first to act cheekily. 

–MEMORIES–

How, when, and where did you meet? i’ve known her for the last 18 years but did not formally meet her until 2011. She had a friend, I had a friend, and those friends were friends so they introduced us to each other and it turned out that it was the two of us who hit it off really well and it was the quickest I’ve gained a best frend. We had attended the same school since kindergarten and we became friends when we became classmates for the first time in 7th grade.

What did you first talk about? I have no idea what our first encounter covered anymore, but I can tell you that what gave me the sign that she was going to be my best friend was when she watched Johnny English Reborn one weekend and came back to school the next Monday a complete fangirl for Gillian Anderson. As someone who was in my own fandoms that time I needed someone with the same energy and humor, and she showed up at exactly the right moment.

What is the best thing they have done for you? Saved my life. Literally. I’ve had more lows than highs and she saw them all through with me every single time, whether it was being by my side when I needed to cry in my car for a whole evening or helping me make a Powerpoint presentation due the next day when my entire group was not helping me. 

When was the last time you saw them? The other day.

Last thing you said to them? I apologized for the late reply and explained that I was having dinner.

Last thing they said to you? She just replied to that ^ saying not to worry.

What originally caught your eye? I started finding her really pretty in junior year and loved that her mind was always racing with thoughts to share and stories to tell me. I can’t exactly pinpoint the moment when I started *liking* her though; it happened all so very suddenly.

What was your first impression? When I first met her 9 years ago I could hardly believe she’d want to meet me and eat lunch with me and stuff because she was a popular girl, very well-liked and got along with everybody; I was virtually unknown throughout grade school and never had friendships that lasted. It was very weird to suddenly be talking to her since she just seemed way out of my league but when I realized she’s just as weird and nerdy and goofy as I was and not at all like the mean popular girls we had, I immediately took a liking to her.

What was their first impression of you? No clue and she’d probably have no clue either even if you asked her. She’s very forgetful.

Were you ever previously involved with them? Yeah we went out in 2014 but broke up then got back together.

What is your most memorable moment with this person? I have so many. I can probably give you one for each year that we’ve been friends/girlfriends. Off the top of my head, I’d go with the fact that my first out-of-town trip alone was with her, when we celebrated my 20th birthday in Nasugbu and Tagaytay.

–IN YOUR OPINION–

What is their best physical feature? I’d say her smile is my favorite, but I love so many features of her too like her eyes, dimples, hair, and the fact that I can squeeze her arms any time I want as she has a bit of chub :)

Personality trait? She cares so deeply about the people who mean a lot to her and would be very protective of them. Also, she’s super ambitious and isn’t one to shy away from a new or daring task.

Describe this person in three words: Hates to lose.

What are they like in comparison to your last crush? The closest thing I have to a ‘last crush’ is Andi, but tbh I didn’t develop much of a relationship with her since she migrated just a year after we became friends. I can hardly remember the conversations we had either...personality-wise, I’d say Andi’s a little aloof (at least back then) and shy; she avoided me when we first encountered each other. Gab’s amiable and will be nice to everyone immediately.

What are they like in comparison to the last person you dated? The last two relationships I’ve had were/are with Gab, and I wasn’t seeing anyone before her.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (Physical Appearance): 38

On a scale of 1 to 10 How much do you like them? 50

On a scale of 1 to 10 How much do you think they like you? Hahaha I hope it’s a 10.

–THE FACTS–

How much older/younger are they than you? She’s younger by like a month and a half. Really no difference at all.

How much taller/shorter are they than you? She’s a few centimeters taller, not a dramatic difference but enough for it to be noticeable.

Where are they from? She’s from the same city but we live on opposite ends, so it takes around 30-45 minutes to get to her place depending on how fast I’m driving ha. 

What do they look like? She’s around 5′3″, the prettiest wavy hair, big eyes, chubby cheeks, and she got a bit of West Asian genes due to her Turkish blood. 9 out of 10 times she gets asked if she’s Indian.

Describe their smile: It’s very warm and friendly. I automatically smile when I see it.

What about their friends? Her friends and I have different personalities so we don’t get to hang much, but Kris and Marts are very nice and have always been to me.

Is this person talented/skilled? Very. Not being biased but I’ve noticed that she’s ended up being skilled enough at anything she tries, whether it’s singing, playing a sport, handling a balisong, etc. She’s good at everything and it makes me kinda annoyed sometimes hahaha, because I’m so clumsy and only good at like three things.

Popular/well-known? S u p e r. She will light up any room she enters and people just naturally flock to her. She’s very sociable and knows how to handle all kinds of people and make them feel at ease. I’m the complete antithesis of her lol. 

What school do they go to? We went to the same school from kindergarten to high school, then for university she went to a school a couple of cities away from mine.

What kind of car do they drive? I can’t remember exactly even though I just saw it the other day skskkssk it’s either a Honda Civic or a Toyota Vios.

What kind of clothes do they wear? Sometimes she’ll put her rich aunt vibes out and wear nice flowy printed dresses or blouses. But she mostly dresses casually; a graphic tee or polo shirt with high-waisted denim jeans do it for her.

When is their birthday? June 5th.

–RANDOM–

How many people do you know with their first name? Lots. It’s a common name.

What is one thing they do that you don’t like? Again, her tendency to unconsciously shut down my feelings.

–THE FUTURE–

How long do you think you’ll like this person? When I like/love a person I never think about when I hope to stop that action... as long as she doesn’t do anything that breaks my trust or hurts me beyond repair, I’m happy to stick with her.

What would you do if they asked you out right now? I’d say there’s still a curfew and we can get arrested ha, but we can try the next day.

What do you want to happen next? I just want the journey to be smooth. We’re in a different chapter now and we’re no longer just college kids with safety nets and we’ve had more frequent serious conversations about our priorities, commitment, and our relationship in the long run. Most recently we agreed that the relationship mustn’t get in the way of our personal goals, especially career-wise; and that we’ll always have each other’s support in whatever we do and achieve.

[blkjackals]

Lil info on me & my IRL friends!!

SO... these people are my favourite people on earth. They all mean the world to me & they’re literally my found family. I love them all so much. They are the founding members of the “Stop Day’s Caffeine Addiction” squad, and will all criticize me if I have too much in one day. I would do anything for them, and I know they’d do the same for me. The only sucky thing is that everyone is going their own way for Post-Secondary (for college/uni), and only a few are possibly going to the same place, so we’re all a lil anxious abt that.

uhhh this is 100% a rant post abt how much these people mean to me, and If u hunt enough u can prolly end up finding all my socials from it. straight up.

Maddie: my FAVOURITE PERSON. She’s been in my life since 2nd Grade, and we became best friends in grade 7 or 8. We’re hella close and I trust her with  my life. She’s the first person i go to abt anime recommendations and I’m currently trying to drag her into Haikyuu! (her tumblr is @/space-garbage but she don’t use it)

Max: This bitch oh god. He’s been in my life since Kindergarten and I trust him a lot. We have a weird kinda relationship bc we just constantly mock each other good-naturedly and I vibe. We’ve had a few bumps but we pull thru.(his tumblr is @/mr-mystical and idk if he uses it)

Tristan: Really quiet. Easily the chillest out of all of us. He does online school so I don’t see him often face to face, and easily more of a lurker. Very funny when it comes down to it though, tries to keep the peace. I’ve known him since Grade 3, and we hung out a fair bit back then.

Rafe: the peacekeeper in our friend group. He’s always there if u need to talk or anything like that. Absolutely hilarious, and just a general good presence!!  EXTREMELY SUPPORTIVE. Literally always finds something nice to say! Known him since Grade 5, and yea!!

Jason: The token Diversity. He also runs a youtube channel (and streams sometimes with ppl from the group, u can prolly find me in some of his videos). really funny & creative! all in all radical & cares for all of us! I met him in 7th grade.

Ben: OH SHIT this guy. I’ve known him since 8th grade, he was rlly silent at first but damn he talks a lot when he opens up. Another rlly funny guy, I tend to make fun of him bc in our 10th Grade Civics and Careers class someone said he had a southern accent and now i call him a southerner. Also the man behind the slaughter

Connie: my other girl!! she’s absolutely radical. I met her in 9th or 10th grade, and we got along rlly well! She genuinely cares for all of us but swings between that and being an absolute chaotic force. Somehow always catches me when im trying to chug a Monster behind everyone’s backs, idk how.

Ethan: oh god. Uh, Ethan and I have the same music taste, no joke. I met him in 9th or 10th grade, and only recently learned that. He was rlly there for me during my last breakup, and I have MAD respect for that cuz I was a mess. Genuinely funny, actually tries the music I recommend to people, all around radical.

MJ: ok so I haven’t met her IRL but she’s easily one of my favourite people. I met her 2 years ago and she’s just so amazing. Great singer, keeps the peace & happily talks about whatever with me! Real positive influence when I try to do one on one calls w/ her,, always works out p well! She’s just amazing! She’s also the one who found this acc (hi melll!!)

[goodticklebrain]

Q&A August: Christy Burgess of the Robinson Shakespeare Company

It’s the final week of Q&A August! Let me take  you back to 2016, to my first ever Shakespeare Theatre Association conference, hosted by Notre Dame University in South Bend, Indiana. It was the last day, and the morning’s warm-up session was being conducted by Christy Burgess and the Robinson Shakespeare Company, a community Shakespeare program for school-aged kids.  After several rounds of fun theatre games, Christy asked her students if any of them wanted to perform some Shakespeare for this objectively intimidating roomful of seasoned, experienced, and elite Shakespeare practitioners and educators.

Every single hand flew up into the air.

After some negotiation, a tiny girl in a pink dress, probably not more than nine or ten years old, stood up. Awww, this is so cute. Is she going to do Puck’s “If we shadows have offended” epil— NOPE. She narrowed her eyes and spat out Cloten’s “meanest garment” speech from Cymbeline with all the vitriol of a rejected privileged white man. My jaw literally dropped. HOW was this possible?

The answer was Christy Burgess. I’d actually met Christy the year before, when I drove down to  South Bend to see a couple shows at the Notre Dame Shakespeare Festival, and she immediately overwhelmed me (in a good way) with her energy, enthusiasm, and passion not just for teaching kids Shakespeare, but for giving them ownership of Shakespeare. Every single one of her students believes that Shakespeare is theirs. I’ll never forget Christy telling me what her students’ reaction was upon meeting a professional Shakespeare company: “Oh, you do Shakespeare too? That’s cute... WE  do Shakespeare.”

On a more personal level, Christy helped shepherd me through the impostor syndrome I suffered from while attending my first conference, giving me the confidence to find my place in the Shakespeare community without constantly apologizing for being “just someone who draws stupid stick figures”. Christy builds people up, and the world is better for it.

1. Who are you? Why Shakespeare?

My name is Christy Burgess and I am the director of the Robinson Shakespeare Company.  I am a teacher, director, and have most recently been christened “Shakespeare Maven” by my friend Julia.

Why Shakespeare? There are so many reasons for “why Shakespeare”.  The Robinson Shakespeare Company starts in 3rd grade and the first day of our 3rd-6th grade class is one of my favorite all year.  Many of our young actors have waited since kindergarten watching their older siblings or young adults they admire go through the program.  The anticipation and excitement on that first day of class is palpable, because they finally get to do Shakespeare.  It’s also become something that is a little subversive.  There are times when our kids are told “you don’t really like Shakespeare” or “shouldn’t you be playing sports?”, which has the effect of “don’t tell me what I’m supposed to like!”

In a meeting, someone asked one of my students “Why Shakespeare?”  She told a story I hadn’t heard before.  It was right after her father passed, before she went back to school.  She was walking around the track at her high school and passed an elderly white couple.  The woman said to her “shouldn’t you be in school?” to which her husband responded “Mary, don’t you know that’s how people get shot?”

This young woman said “when people walk by me, they might think I’m a hood or a thug, but Shakespeare is mine, something no one can take away from me.”  

When we study plays from Eugene O’Neil or Arthur Miller, it’s the world through their eyes, but when we play Shakespeare, it’s the world through OUR eyes.

2. What moment(s) in Shakespeare always make you laugh?

Scene 3.4 in Twelfth Night always cracks me up!  There’s something about the most non-threatening duel letter from Sir Andrew to Cesario/Olivia and the forced fight that is always funny.

Mya interjects: “Is’t so saucy?” is one of my favorite lines in Shakespeare. It’s such a stupid joke. I don’t care. I love it.

3. What's a favorite Shakespearean performance anecdote?

Every now and then there’s Shakespeare magic.

When I was teaching and directing in Alaska with the Fairbanks Shakespeare Theatre, I had made a comment to my young actors about performing in the rain.  I’m pretty sure they prayed for rain, because our last performance of The Merry Wives of Windsor, it POURED.  The audience ran for cover, but nothing could erase the looks of glee on the actor’s faces.  Falstaff’s line, “let the sky rain potatoes”, pretty much said it all!

In 2017, the Robinson Shakespeare Company (RSC*) was invited, and traveled, to England to perform in Stratford-upon-Avon the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust’s Shakespeare Garden.  The New Place recently opened and we discovered that we were the first group to perform there….if the weather held out.  There were numerous sunshine dances (involving jazz hands), prayers, and wishes.  The day of the performance, there was a storm coming right for us.  It was the closest thing to magic I’ve seen.  It was as if the storm was around us.  In videos, you can see the wind whipping the costume and the slightest drizzle of rain, but we made it!

*I know, I know, the Royal Shakespeare Company, Reduced Shakespeare Company, etc. I like to think of us as the Royal Shakespeare Company’s distant (many times removed), scrappy cousins that will be revealed if we do a deep dive on our genealogy chart.

This memory might be tinged with jet lag, because during the same trip I sat in-between two 12 year olds, who only fell asleep 30 minutes before landing.  When we arrived in Stratford, we were met by the incredible Cait Fannin-Peel (my Shakespeare wife and hero).  Our bed and breakfasts weren’t ready yet, so she took us on a tour of Shakespeare’s Birthplace.  They have an amazing little stage in-between the house and the giftshop where actors were performing bits of Shakespeare.  Cait asked if we would like to perform something.  Jet lagged, sleep deprived, and thrilled, it took about 30 seconds to plan out the opening to Cymbeline and start performing it.  Tourists surrounded us with their cameras and applauded when the scene was done.  It felt amazing as a director of young people to see them confident on stage in a setting that was incredibly different from what they were used to.  We have video evidence!

4. What's one of the more unusual Shakespearean interpretations you've either seen or would like to see?

Bart Sher’s Cymbeline at Intiman changed me.  The set was simple; a red raked stage, but by being so, it didn’t need massive set changes, we were with the story the entire time.  The production was funny, moving, and stunning.

I’m frustrated by Shakespeare that tries to distract you from thinking it is Shakespeare.  I’ve been in, or seen productions, where it’s like “look at these live animals” or “explosions” or “a fake ice rink that isn’t integral to the plot and is really slick in the rain, but look, people are ice skating for 30 seconds” that are unnecessary.  I believe you should be able to wear black clothes on a blank stage and get the story across; everything else is just icing.  If not, it’s not good Shakespeare.

Mya interjects: I am broadly in agreement with Christy here, except that I desperately want MORE live animals on stage. Dogs. Goats. Rabbits. Gerbils. I don’t care if they’re not textually supported.

5. What's one of your favorite Shakespearean "hidden gems"?

I don’t know if it’s a hidden gem, but I love Henry IV, Part 1 and 2.  I think it’s such a loss when they’re combined, because they are both stellar plays for different reasons.  Yes, Henry IV, Part 1 has all the action, but Henry IV, Part 2 has phenomenal speeches and you get to see just how devious Falstaff is.  Food for powder, anyone?

6. What passages from Shakespeare have stayed with you?

This quote from Romeo and Juliet is how I feel about teaching.  During the school week, I am in 24 classes in the South Bend community, mostly in Title 1 schools.  Last year, Tuesdays were long days.  I would teach six classes at a middle school, plus an after-school program, then direct the RSC.  That was approximately 190 kids and the day lasted from 9 am-9 pm.  It wasn’t, however, so bad, because I work with really great kids.  I feel what I give to them, they give back and the days don’t feel long.

“the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite.”

Juliet, Romeo and Juliet, 2.2

Also “bless you fair shrew” which I say to my dog all the time when she sneezes.  

Mya interjects: BLESS YOU FAIR SHREW THAT’S THE BEST I LOVE IT

7. What Shakespeare plays have changed for you?

The first time I saw Franco Zeffirelli’s Romeo and Juliet, I was twelve and locked myself in the bathroom and cried.  Seriously though, who didn’t?  Do you have a heart of stone???

Mya interjects: Yes. :P

During our 2017 trip, we took our RSC to see the REAL RSC’s Titus Andronicus.  Blanche McIntyre is a badass director.  It’s easy to dismiss, Titus, but she found depth, and urgency.  The show made our company better.  

My actors still refer to the performance when we talk about high stakes and urgency.

8. What Shakespearean character or characters do you identify the most with?

I love Viola.  She goes on such a journey and her “make me a willow cabin at your gate” speech moves me every time.  We don’t get to pick who we love.  I’m really lucky that I have a sweetheart who loves me, Shakespeare nerdiness and all.

If I could be a character?  Henry V.

9. Where can we find out more about you? Are there any projects/events you would like us to check out?

You can find more about us on our Facebook page, Instagram, and our website.

Notre Dame Magazine put together a gorgeous website that chronicled the six months they had a reporter with us as well as our adventures to England!

(Back to Mya) Thanks so much to Christy for answering my questions, but, even more importantly, for raising the next generation of Shakespeareans. I, for one, welcome our new Shakespearean overlords.

COMING THURSDAY: It’s two-for-one day with the bard bros behind one of my favorite Shakespeare podcasts!

[thedevillord-writes]

Zemblanity - Chapter One

Zemblanity is the faculty of making unhappy, unlucky and expected discoveries by design 

- - -

~Thirteen years ago~

Humans were fascinating.

They were complicated yet at the same time, simple. They could be happy one second but sad the next. They would hide one emotion behind another, only allowing their true feelings to show when they thought no one else was watching. But he was always watching. It was intriguing, seeing how one could smile so brightly yet he would catch that split second when the true emotion would give away what they were really thinking. They taught him to hide his own feelings too, to hide his true intentions in front of everyone including those who were considered close to him.

"Well isn't this a rare sight."

Interrupted, Yosuke looked over his shoulder before putting on a smile. "Good morning, Kurosawa-senpai. It's nice to see you again." He turned his attention back to the main gate, watching as the new school year began with old friends greeting each other while new students were desperately trying to find a group to fit in. Yosuke remembered his first day of high school; he was not in the least bit nervous. He found it irritating, if he was being honest, to see girls pretending to be best friends despite meeting just five minutes ago. He hated seeing the guys competing with each other, trying to establish the alpha when none of them were. "Seems like the number of freshman is dropping each year."

Joining Yosuke by the window, Ryou looked down to the main gate too. "Not surprised," he commented. "The school's trying to get that number one spot, they're doing their best to have only the best. It's a surprise they kept you, seeing as you barely come to school."

"Ouch," Yosuke grinned, playfully putting his hand over his heart. "As long as I pass my exams, I doubt they would bother with me."

"Grades are one thing, but this school cares more about reputation and I think just your family name alone is more than enough to keep you here."

Although he kept the smile on his face, Yosuke felt the exact opposite deep inside. This school was notorious for two things: top grades in the country, and being the one private school every family with power and/or money sent their children. It would be a joke to say Yosuke got in with his grades; though not the best, they were definitely not good enough for this school. It was the Sagara name that got him in. It was a blessing and a curse.

~.~

Eating breakfast in silence was nothing out of the ordinary in their household. Sat at the table as a family, only the clinking of utensils and the turning of the newspaper could be heard as conversations were never their strength. No one attempted to start one, no one even tried to make eye contact with another. This was breakfast at the Kanemoto residence.

She hated it.

She hated the silence as if they were strangers. She hated the man seated at the top of the table, despite being her father. She hated the name Kanemoto, and she longed to get rid of it. Get rid of anything that had to do with the name.

Most would be proud to hold a name as prestigious as hers. The Kanemoto Corporations was an empire. Their name dated all the way back to the feudal era and despite all the changes over centuries, they managed to stay on top. With old money, the Kanemoto family was one of the most powerful, if not the most, in Asia. But none of that meant anything to her. It was not her money, not her power, not her business. She wanted nothing to do with it.

Her father, on the other hand, was obsessed with keeping in power. It was easy to gain, with the bluest blood around, but keeping that power was the challenge. Tyranny no longer worked in this day and age, which was why Kanemoto Junichiro went the other way. A positive image went the longest way in all surveys and studies done, therefore, he thrived on it. He played the philanthropist, the kind boss with only his employees in mind. Most importantly, he played the loving father. As his children, they too played along. The perfect child with the perfect smile, perfect looks, and of course, perfect grades.

But this play became an obsession.

"Stop it."

Getting ready for her first day of school after breakfast, nerves were starting to settle in. First days were always nerve wrecking for most, but especially for her. When you carried the name Kanemoto, it felt as if you were carrying the entire world on your shoulders. As she became more nervous, she kept rubbing, picking, and digging her nails into her left wrist. It was a nervous tic that she meant to change but never got round to. Fortunately, she had her nanny to slap her on the wrist to snap her out of it.

"Look at me." Smoothing her hair into place, Mai held her chin up and let out a small smile. "Just yesterday you were still a baby and now you're in high school. You'll be marrying someone tomorrow at this rate."

"I don't like this."

"But you have to."

The Kanemoto name was tough to carry, that much Mai understood. She watched the two Kanemoto children growing up, she took care of them. She watched as their innocence was slowly stripped away, their childhood falling apart bit by bit. She watched as their smiles faded away until they were two empty shells with strings attached and tugged at, as their father pleased. It hurt her to see them like this, but there was nothing she could do except be their shoulder to cry on.

Picking up her bag, she looked to Mai one last time and took in a deep breath. It would be hard for her to get through the day without abusing her wrist. Just standing by the main entrance waiting, she was tempted as her thumb was rubbing over a sore spot on her wrist. A hand grabbed hers before she could hurt herself any further and gave it a squeeze.

Dressed impeccably in his own uniform, her brother stood next to her and held her hand tight. He was two years younger but he was already a good head taller than she was. She squeezed his hand back, reassurance washing over her instantly. They were all each other had, besides Mai. No one understood them as they understood each other.

The car ride to school with her brother was fun. It was the small window throughout the day whereby they could be themselves. Here, they could tell jokes, share their concerns but most importantly, speak freely about anything and everything. Once a year, however, this car ride would be hijacked by their father. Each and every first day of school since they started nursery, he would drive them to school. There, his secretary would be taking pictures for the newspaper and social media in recent years. The loving father Kanemoto Junichiro, never missing a single first day. Albeit, loving just for one day.

"Minato, your grades dropped a little last year. I want you to try harder this year, do you understand? You are a Kanemoto, there is no way we would settle for anything other than first place. A classmate of yours nearly took your place."

"Yes, father. I'm sorry, father." A glare from his father was all he needed to realise his mistake. "I apologise, father."

"Misaki, you are going into high school now. This is the time for you to be making connections, especially at this school. Make friends, but only if they are worthwhile. I am sure you know what I mean. Do not do anything that will harm the Kanemoto name. I know it is high school and children nowadays are all about rebelling. You are, first and foremost, a Kanemoto."

"Yes father, I understand."

All the years before, since Misaki could remember, her father always gave a speech on their first days. They were always told to get the best grades, perform well in any and every activity they chose. However, they had to maintain a low profile. They were prohibited from being the most popular in school but rather, encouraged to do well and blend well. All those years, she did exactly that. She barely talked to her classmates, let alone made friends. This was the first year he had asked something different of her. She had to make friends, get connections that would help boost the Kanamoto Corporations further. She understood her father perfectly well, she was not quite sure how she would do it however.

Arriving at Misaki's school first, the father and daughter got out of the car together. Giving her brother's hand one last squeeze, she got out and stood next to her father while his secretary stood by the side with her phone pointed at them. Both faking a smile, it was soon dropped when the photo shoot was over.

"Remember what I told you," Junichiro said, stepping into the car. "Do not disappoint me, Misaki."

"Yes, father."

To be out of place was not unfamiliar for her.

The Kanemoto name was more than enough to displace her anywhere. When you were as well known as the Kanemoto's, there were only three type of people surrounding you. Those who worked for you, those who tried to use you, and those who avoided you like the plague. Her father's employees never paid much attention to either Kanemoto child; they had no time for them when they were too busy pleasing Junichiro. Over the years, she had seen plenty of women around her father, all of whom tried to become the next Mrs. Kanemoto. Or at the very least, tried to instigate rumours surrounding the possibility of a new Mrs. Kanemoto.

It was, however, the third category with which Misaki was most familiar. She remembered the first day of kindergarten like it was yesterday. Wearing the uniform with her hair tied neatly into pigtails, she was ecstatic to attend school for the first time. She could not sleep the night before, thinking about all the fun activities Mai told her about and all the friends she would make. Then her dreams were shattered when she was dropped off. There were plenty of fun activities but Misaki never got to experience any of them. None of the other children would talk to her, let alone play with her. She never understood why back then, but she knew why now.

Kanemoto was a fearsome name.

As soon as the parents knew a Kanemoto child was in the same kindergarten as their own children, they were quick to instruct their children not to get close with her. If anything were to happen to Misaki during play, none of them could afford to pay for their children's mistakes. Neither could they risk being the headline news.

Every year since then, it was the same. No one would dare to approach Misaki, no one was willing to sit anywhere near her in the classroom. Even the teachers were cautious with their every move around her. School soon became tiring for her; feeling alone despite being surrounded by many, eating lunch at one table by herself because no one else dared to share with her, yet she still had to put on a smile and pretend everything was alright.

High school was no different. From the moment her father's car pulled up by the gates to the moment she stepped into campus, whispers and murmurs rippled among the student body. All eyes were on her, following her as she walked across into the building.

~Present Day~

Her dress was stained in multiple places though she could not care less. Dresses like this were precious to most, considering the quality of materials used and how expensive they were. Many she had worn were branded, and/or exclusively made for her. When one carried the name of Kanemoto, one need not worry about what dress to wear to what event. Albeit, it was all meaningless to her. When women around the world would die for a designer dress, she simply wiped her dirty hands covered in soy sauce on the pure white dress.

She dipped her pinky into the sauce and tasted it before adding a teaspoon of sugar in. The counter was a mess; dirty bowls stacked together, used pans and pots littered all over the surface. Almost every utensil available in the kitchen had been used and thrown around the kitchen. Bringing the sauce to a boil, she turned the heat off and completed her last dish before setting up the dining table.

Having listened to her banging pots and dropping spatulas for the last two hours, Minato came down the stairs and stood by the entrance to the dining room. On the table was at least fifteen different dishes, all cooked and plated to perfection before they were presented. When one was stressed, they had a habit to fall into. Some would drink, some would sleep, some would even find solace in another human. His sister, however, found peace in cooking.

"Hey there," Misaki smiled, emerging from the other door leading to the kitchen with yet another dish in her hands. "Sit. Let's eat."

"You mean I'm eating. You never eat the food you cooked yourself."

"Just sit."

Sitting as instructed, Minato picked up a fork and started eating the food before him. He was skeptical before, when this habit of hers first started around the time she started high school. Misaki never set foot in the kitchen, she never had to. When she started making a ten course meal out of nowhere, it was only natural for one to question whether or not her food was edible. Surprisingly, they were. Since then, he had been her sole customer whenever she stress-cooked.

Watching her brother eat, Misaki only picked up the fork to play around with the food in front of her but never ate, as Minato had pointed out before. No other activity focused her mind like cooking did. The time that went into preparation, the actual cooking to the plating of the dish, it was numbing and before she knew it, she would have spent the last three hours making a banquet. But she never ate a single bite of her own food; she never had the appetite to.

"I saw him today."

"Him?"

"Him."

"Where?"

"The event tonight."

Pouring herself a glass of wine, Misaki took a sip and leaned back in her chair. There were no secrets between the siblings, since the day they could remember. Misaki knew everything about Minato and vice versa. He did not need details to know who she was talking about, neither did he need to be reminded not to mention the name of this particular individual. It took Misaki a long time to finally move on, he was not about to put her into that bad place again.

"Your dress is dirty," Minato pointed out.

"I know."

"Wasn't it a gift?"

In response, Misaki poured the remaining liquid in her glass, staining the pure white dress red. The dress was a gift, from a company known for making dresses exclusively for celebrities. Gifts from companies and brands were not a generous gesture, nor was it because they liked her particularly. They did, however, liked her name. Kanemoto Misaki, daughter of the CEO of Kanemoto Corporations, and world renown pianist. No amount of money would ever bring the kind of publicity just by having her wear a piece of theirs.

Standing up as she put her glass down, Misaki made her way out of the dining room. As she past Minato, she placed her hands on his head and gave the top of it a kiss. She lingered a little, taking in a deep breath of his shampoo scent. She then wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave him a squeeze before leaving. It was unlike his sister; they were close and they never shied away from showing affection but never this much at once.

"You want me to eat all this by myself?"

"Ask the servants to join you. And while you're at it, get someone to clean the kitchen."

"You used it, you clean it."

"I cooked, you clean."

[necropsittacus]

for the ask thing, all the ones you have an interesting answer for

this is extremely long because I Love Oversharing so under a cut. thanks britta!!!

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?tea, black; i've tried putting extra spices in it but i think i'm not doing it right bc it gets grainy and weird? i don't drink coffee anymore for "hey maybe we should stop consuming this thing that makes us feel like we're actually about to die" reasons but when i did it was with a fuckton of cream5. are you self-conscious of your smile?yeah; less so since i actually brush my teeth semi routinely now, so they're less awful, but i still have a slight overbite and a residual habit of covering my mouth with my hand if i open it very much 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?either weird vent fanfiction that i never end up finishing, drawing in my notebooks, or i try to make the overly dramatic/pretentious thoughts that pop into my head into poetry (which i never end up finishing, go figure).9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?used to, but it's like. even besides insecurity about my voice and the fear that i'll be Too Loud and bother someone. the same internal barrier that makes it hard to speak out loud, especially if i'm not directly prompted to, applies to singing10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?usually side, and in the fetal position. occasionally back though13: what’s something that made you smile today?saw a chickadee!14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?god i don't know that's like. that's the fucking dream, for the future, but i hadn't gotten as far as daydreaming about *decoration* or anything of that sort. at the moment i tend towards covering things in movie posters and little trinkets i accumulate and toys and that sort of thing. i know i couldn't do sharing a room with someone else long term, it'd get stressy, so at least two bedrooms (or a bedroom and a pull out couch in the living room, that'd work), a little kitchen. no minimalism, but i might like having primary responsibility for Housecleaning sorts of things for my loved ones, or keeping things reasonably neat. just. something that feels like a proper home. safe. 16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?i am extremely boring and usually just do fettuccine alfredo. that said, cheese ravioli and pesto products are also very good. i just don't like super complicated foods with ingredients i don't recognize, or red sauce. red sauce is Sensory Bad.  17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?i mean i've been dyeing mine black since i was like 17 to the point that people think that's the natural color and i just let them, and honestly i'm very happy with thatred looked good on me, and i definitely like the way a lot of those super bright unnatural purples, blues, etc look on other people but it doesn't feel like "yes this is Correct this is what i'm Supposed to Look Like, this is the color it was *supposed* to be all along" in the same way, it just feels like i'm dyeing it a weird color for fun18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up."mola mola isn't a slur, right?"20: what’s your favorite eye color?idk about "favorite" but dark brown eyes are really pretty22: are you a morning person?i tend to be more productive and (assuming at least like five or six hours of sleep) more cheerful in the morning, but getting out of bed is a horrible struggle bc executive dysfunction and anxiety23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?tbh i HATE having those days, i don't like being super busy Either but i get really like bored/restless/I Am Going to Rip My Skin Off to Have Something to Do Please Let Me Out of the House if i genuinely don't have anything scheduled for a day? so i usually *make* obligations for myself, writing projects or something like that, if i don't have anything externally enforced. and go to the library or a cafe or something bc i feel more alive if i don't stay in my room all day24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?yeah26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?i mean i've only had them for like a year bc it turns out that wearing the same pair of shoes almost every day wears through them pretty fast, who would have thought? but black combat boots28: sunrise or sunset?sunset31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.they hurt but i p much only wear boots so i have to wear them all the time. also my feet are weird and fucked up and i don’t especially like looking at them. and then i forget to take them off to sleep so i just. wear them all the time except to shower. i like weird socks with like animal pictures or whatever but then i feel bad abt wearing them bc i wear out socks really fast for unclear reasons34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?ooh i had a lot!! most of them were sea mammals, a couple sharks i think? i had a couple rabbits when i was Really small but i don't remember them as clearlyi can't remember most of their names but they had whole like imagined stories and relationships to each other and shit, i definitely remember there was one stuffed orca that was almost as big as kindergartener me35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?oh absolutely!! i write mostly in pencil for ease of corrections and so it doesn't bleed through the paper, but i accumulate pens/weird ink colors/etc37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?see i *prefer* having my room be clean but it literally never is 39: what color do you wear the most?black. combination of "trying to be low effort goth" and that idk how to coordinate colors so all my outfits are either all black or like. black + one other color + possibly grey, bc i figure there's no way that could end up clashing horribly. also i only HAVE black pants anyway so like. 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?mm i know accident by christa wolf hit me pretty hard in some emotions, and that was recent44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?i'm not sure that's an emotion i have tbhwhen i'm happy there's this kind of anxious edge to it, not necessarily in a bad way, but "at peace" is. an odd concept for me. the closest i get is this sort of quiet not-exactly-negative melancholy if i'm not behind on anything and it's raining and everything's just sort of soft yknow? 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?marinara sauce. i hate that shit. i'll eat it on pizza or if i literally have to in order to get a meal and i can't physically handle not having one, but that's about it. also tomatoes more generally! i like ketchup but that's it. why do yall insist on putting tomatoes on everything all the time i Don't Like Them50: what’s an odd thing you collect?i keep all the toys i get out of kinder eggs and stuff like that. also i just have hyperempathy about inanimate objects and animals (and basically no empathy for humans most of the time, weirdly enough) and it's frequently difficult for me to throw things away because "well i'll be hurting it!" so uh. i just accumulate objects. i still have my old toothbrush somewhere55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?i straight up tried to kill myself to win an argument with mom once in high school. and i'm not talking like a mini fakeout attempt that wasn't supposed/expected to work, either, i did regret it but i was straight up prepared to die to get her to believe me 56: what are some things you find endearing in people?rambling/talking about your interests, emotional openness. if you like. send me things that reminded you of me/you thought i'd like, or initiate physical contact so i don't have to feel so weird/guilty about it, that's a very fast path to my affections. just being weird as shit. lots of little things, really. depends on the person a lot, though; either "person is Soft and Good and i feel like it's my responsibility to protect them" or "person is Kind of Scary/Edgy and i will attach myself to them and remain loyal no matter what and they appreciate it" are pretty consistent things, but those are a long way from the Only paths to my affection58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?awfully bold of you to assume i have a friend group and not just a disparate group of friends who mostly don't talk to each other. i AM semi consistently the weird vodka uncle though. 59: what’s your favorite myth?LOTS. that's not quite a fair question i can't pick one favoritethe volsunga saga does come to mind, though60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?i do!!! i thought i didn't because turns out the things they make you read in high school english are often Not Terribly Emotionally Resonant for me, funnily enough, but when i started reading russian poetry in college, and more mental illness focused stuff tbh, it was like Oh Shit This Is Really Cool. i really like vladimir mayakovsky!61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?when i was really small i gave my dad a  care bears coloring book for his birthday because for some reason i didn't process that other people didn't have exactly the same interests as me??62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?i drink either unsweetened green tea or monster energy drinks in the morning. depends how much of a disaster i'm being on that particular day. 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?all my music is online or haphazardly downloaded to my phone so there's. not really any way to organize that if i wanted to tbh. i make a lot of character or ship playlists that i'd put more effort into organizing if i ever got around to showing them to other people, but Also anything that isn't too embarrassing to risk anyone else seeing just gets put in one folder. i DO organize my books, though. i usually *forget* to put them back where they're supposed to go, but there is a proper order (everything from one author or franchise together, stuff like star wars or tolkien is together and in in-universe chronological order, stuff like that), and i get upset if people fuck with it67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?nice. it's very calming, and also bright sunlight hurts my eyes fjgshtf68: what’s winter like where you live?not very different from fall most of the time. climate change is making it more midwest-y, which i'm not sure if i'm happy about or not (snow nice, but summer is also progressing in that direction, which is unfortunate). somewhere between the 30's and 50's (fahrenheit), mostly pretty grey, it rains sometimes. it's not cold enough that i need to have a real coat, usually sweater+leather jacket is enough. my hands always hurt, though70: have you ever used a ouija board?yeah i used to do it with my brother sometimes. nothing ever happened tho76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?i need to write my paper proposal for nuclear lit and also draw some stuff for people that i've been putting off because my brain hates me and Catching Up On Everything I Should Have Been Doing a While Ago Is Scary77: pink or yellow lemonade?both? both is good78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?i have no real feelings on minions one way or the other but i have no interest in them and don't like seeing them all the time79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?someone i used to know was going to move away from their abusers and get a job and such, partly or mostly For Me, so we could run away and start things over together after i graduated. and then things blew up but. it was very sweet and sometimes i get emotional about the concept of that still 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?three white, one blue. i didn't choose it, it came with the dorm room. my bedroom in my parents house has really dark blue walls, which i DID choose bc i wanted a dark color and my brother already had red ones and i wanted to distinguish myself from him. 82: are/were you good in school?mmm more or less, yes i'm terrible at certain kinds of projects and at getting stuff done without pretty much devastating my physical ability to function pushing myself at the last minute. that said, i'm very good at tests, good at papers, good at language learning and bullshit analysis. it's just like. PLEASE don't give me "fun creative projects!!!" or start with the "oh well tests aren't a good way of measuring learning, here's some other stuff that will be easier for you!" thing. i *like* tests. tests make sense and it's just sit down for an hour and you're done. it's the other stuff that's hard also i'm so used to my mother's ridiculous standards that it's like. yes i am good at school, in that my professors keep telling me i am Very Smart and things of that nature. but also i am terrible at taking care of myself while i have school because me being good at school is to some extent reliant on my brain's false insistence that Everybody Else Has Perfect Grades and Is Killing Themselves Slowly To Be The Best, so clearly we need to do that too! and any sacrifice is worth it! so eventually i just collapse84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?yeah definitely, at some point. there's other things that are more pressing to spend my limited amount of non-parent-controlled money on right now, but i know i want like. some manner of thing referencing my chronic turin turambar (self dx) status, probably his grave inscription or a sword (or both eventually!). probably also a bird of some sort85: do you read comics? what are your faves?see i'll happily read comics if there's a franchise i'm already interested in that has comics as part of it, but i'm not like a Comics Fan per se. i tend to find them kind of overwhelming because there's just So Much content and i don't know where to start and i usually get distracted before i finish. i did really enjoy mtmte and the tdc creation myths comics89: are you close to your parents?nope! i send my dad animal pictures, and vice versa, and that's about the extent of it when i'm not staying with them for breaks. mom's...Difficult(TM) and dad i get along with fine but i don't really know how to text him 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?drowns. i want to be able to actually taste it.93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?my hair is too short to really have Different Styles. i just keep it combed pretty neatly bc that's the only thing i know how to do afngjdsgf94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?my friend emma @autisticsansamaybe people i care less about had them more recently but tbh if we aren't friends i don't know when your birthday is without being told96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?i have literally never updated this laptop because it does not have space for an update. this isn't even my fault. i have deleted *every single thing on it that is not important to make it actually run* in order to have enough space to update, and it STILL doesn't. 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?a few months ago i would have said 5 years into the past, because i Desperately missed aspects of how my life was at that part of high school--mostly having people i loved and who loved me, who wanted a future with me, and the certainty of that, that i wouldn't just be On My Own Forever post educational system--but now? future. high school fucking *sucked* in a lot of ways, and also i was a terrible person and i don't especially want to go back to that version of me. future is like...scary because yeah there is a decent possibility i'll just be pretty much totally alone and having to work a job i hate to keep up, but like. there is also a possibility that i'll have the things i wanted all along in a more stable context, yknow?

[minjinlix-blog]

five times kissed (bang chan x reader)

➥ words: 3k ➥ genre: fluff, growing up au, slight friends-to-lovers au ➥ pairing: bang chan x reader ➥ summary: five times you kiss bang chan, and one time he kisses you. ➥ warning: alcohol & college frat parties

The first time you kiss Bang Chan, it’s an accident.

You are five years old, and happily drawing during recess break at your elementary school. Sitting on a bench outside, you stare out at the other kids in your class screaming and kicking soccer balls around.  As you look down to add the finishing touches to your drawing – a couple of stick figures – something comes zooming at you.

Before you know it, you’re flat on back, a large bruise starting to form on your forehead where the soccer ball hit you.

“I’m sorry!! It was an accident!” yells a voice from a boy who runs over at you.  Despite your dizziness, you recognize him as Chan, a boy in your class that you shared markers with one time, so you guess that means you were friends.

“Ow,” is all you say, gingerly touching your forehead and scalp.

“Let me help you up!!” Chan’s round eyes seem to be astronomically wide.  He eagerly jumps forward and grasps your arms in his hands, but as he jerks you upward off the ground, your momentum swings your entire body forward and your head slams into his, doubling your pain.  Your lips brush for the slightest instant before your teeth hit his and both of you fall down to the ground in a painful thud.

Immediately you start crying.

“Y/N! Y/N! Are you okay?” Chan yells at you in concern, shaking your arm.  You push him off, wailing.

“M-my mommy said that if I ever kissed a boy, I would get p-p-PREGNANT!”  The tears won’t start falling.  You think you’re going to collapse into a giant hole in the ground that your mommy called hell.

When you look blearily at Chan through your tears, you notice his scandalized expression.

“Does that mean that I’m going to get pregnant too?!”

The second time you kiss Bang Chan, it’s Woojin’s fault.

“C’mon, Y/N, you have to play Truth or Dare with us,” your best friend Woojin whines as he tugs on your sweater sleeve.

You scoff. “Since when did you ever want to play games like Truth or Dare?” You and Woojin had always been the odd ones out in your seventh grade homeroom class, choosing to clean bathrooms for detention instead of cleaning the classroom like the other students always chose, slacking off in P.E. class by shifting soccer balls between your feet instead of trying to kick them, bringing homemade kimchi and rice instead of getting food in the school cafeteria.  Honestly, you’re surprised that you and Woojin are even here at this party at all – it’s your classmate Yugyeom’s birthday, and he invited the entire class over for pizza and movies at his house.

“Please, Y/N?” Woojin gives you his best puppy eyes, and you already feel your willpower relenting.  Your eyes narrow at him.

“C’mon, you know I can’t say no to you when you give me that look,” you sigh as you plop down on the ground next to him.

“That’s why I give it to you,” Woojin responds cheekily, playfully nudging your shoulder before turning to the person next to him and starting a conversation.  As you look around the circle that’s been formed, you look at all the people you’re playing this juvenile game with.  There’s Chaeyeon, arguably the prettiest girl in the entire grade, sitting awfully close next to Mingyu, arguable the cutest guy in the entire grade.  The class president Jihyo and vice president Dokyeom flank the birthday boy Yugyeom.  And sitting on Woojin’s other side is Bang Chan.

“All right all right! Birthday boy gets to go first!” Jihyo exclaims, clapping her hands enthusiastically. “Yugyeommie, truth or dare?”

“Dare!”

“Okay, I dare you to pick up that gummy bear with your toes and EAT IT!”

You sigh.  This is going to be a long night.

A few rounds later, after Mingyu successfully burped the alphabet, he turns to Chan. “Channie, truth or dare?”

You look over at the pale boy, his hair falling in his face.  Since you and him became friends in elementary school, you had pretty much fallen out of contact with each other.  After first grade, he became friends with a kindergartener named Minho and as he got older, he made more younger friends that he liked to hang out with.  You didn’t know why it was so hard for him to be friends with people his own age, but he seemed happy with his friends.

“Truth,” Chan declares confidently. Mingyu’s eyebrows go up as his face twists into a devilish smirk.

“Have you ever had a crush on anyone in this room?”


At Mingyu’s words, Chan’s eyebrows flush pink.  He coughs a little.

“Uh…yes,” he says.

“Who?” Mingyu presses.

Chan shakes his head. “Nope, I answered your question already! I’m not saying who.” Chaeyeon’s and Jihyo’s eyes widen and they immediately begin whispering as Dokyeom and Yugyeom start laughing loudly. As the noise in the room gets louder, you feel slightly bad for Chan as he continues to stare resolutely at the wall, his cheeks still slightly flushed.

“O-okay!” you try to break through the noise, your voice coming out slightly higher pitched. “Should someone go next?” You catch Chan send you a slight relieved smile.

“Okay, it’s your turn, Y/N!” Chaeyeon exclaims. “Truth or dare?”

“Uh…dare?”


“I dare you to kiss Woojin!” Chaeyeon lets out a high-pitched squeal as her face erupts into a huge smile.

You mime puking. “Ew, I’m not going to do that! Woojin’s my best friend; he’s like my brother!”

“Yeah, and I’m not going to kiss Y/N.  That’s nasty,” Woojin’s face scrunches up.

“C’mon, it’s a dare,” Chaeyeon whines.

“Yeah! It’s a dare.  You can’t back out,” Dokyeom gives you a sharp look. “Or. Else.”

Your eyes widen slightly.  You really didn’t want to know what “Or. Else.” meant.  Scrunching up your face, you look at Woojin.  What harm could a peck do?

“Okay, Woojin, no hard feelings.” You clap his back once and then close your eyes and start to lean in.

“Y-Y/N, what are you doing!!” you hear Woojin’s panicked voice say, but you keep leaning toward him, faster and faster, eyes still closed. Your lips touch something that feels like another pair of lips, albeit slightly cold. You keep your lips pressed together against them for a half-second, then pull back and open your eyes.

Chan’s eyes are staring straight into yours, wide and shocked.  

“Oh my god,” your mouth drops open and you turn to see Woojin curled up in fetal position on the ground.

“You little shit!” you yell at him, smacking his back.  “You ducked down so I wouldn’t kiss you! And I kissed Chan instead! What kind of best friend are you?!” Around you, Mingyu and Yugyeom are dying of laughter.

Your face is flushed.  You can’t look at Chan at all. You stand up.

“I quit this game!” You yell and stomp to the kitchen.  You don’t see Chan’s eyes following you as you leave, his cheeks equally flushed as yours.

The third time you kiss Bang Chan, it’s in front of five hundred people.

It’s hot. Your skirt itches. But you ignore all of that and stare into Chan’s eyes, your voice filled with emotion and longing.

“Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake,” your lines come out as strong and as smoothly as you had rehearsed, and your heartbeat starts to quicken as your hand laced in his grips slightly tighter.

Chan’s face moves closer to yours, hand cupping your face as he delivers his next line: “Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take.” His lips fall upon yours, and you sigh into the kiss, hand fluttering over his shoulders.  For a second, the bright stage lights and itchy dress don’t bother you at all while Chan’s lips feel soft and pillowy against yours.  It isn’t until Chan’s hands drop down to cup your waist that you realize you’re on stage, performing in your high school’s edition of Romeo and Juliet, and that your parents are in the audience watching you.

Your face feels hot as you pull away for your next line. Focus, Y/N, you tell yourself. You’re on stage. You can see from Chan’s slightly glazed eyes that he needs the same reminder – he must be tired or something, you assume – and so you grab his hand and squeeze hard.

He snaps out of it immediately and you throw him a tiny encouraging smile as you deliver your next line.

Your lips are warm for the rest of the show.

The fourth time you kiss Bang Chan, you’re really drunk.

It’s the first weekend of your first year at college, and your roommate Mina had been raving all day about this frat called SKZ (Sigma Kappa Zeta? Or something like that?) that supposedly threw the best parties.

“It’s going to be so much fun, Y/N!” She gushes as she swipes generous amounts of eyeshadow over her eyelids.  You think she looks slightly raccoon-ish, but she’s still beautiful anyway.

Later as she leads you into a large white house with a nice wraparound porch and a not-so-nice dark interior with blaring music and blinding strobe lights, you immediately feel lost even as Mina’s small hand pulls against yours.  You’re not really the type to go to parties, much less frat parties – you cringe thinking about that one birthday party you went to in middle school all those years ago.

Mina hands you a red solo cup with clear liquid sloshing in it. You look up at her, eyes skeptical.

“What is this?” You shout in her ear over the music.

“Just drink it!” she yells back before downing her own cup and giggling.  You stare down at the liquid, then shut your eyes tight and empty your cup too.  It burns a little in your throat, but otherwise it tastes pretty good. Like juice, almost.

You look at Mina. “Can I get some more of this?”

Six shots later, your head is spinning a little, but you’ve found that moving around makes the dizziness subside, so you’re on the dance floor with Mina, laughing every time someone does a keg stand in the corner of the room. Suddenly Mina gasps.

“Oh my god, those guys are so cute!” she squeals in your ear, pointing at a group of guys near the doorway.  Blinking, you realize you recognize them all. 
“Wait, I think I know them!” you yell, giggling.  “We went to the same high school.” What were the odds that Mingyu, Yugyeom, and Bang Chan also went to your college? And showed up at the same frat party? 


“Oh my god, INTRODUCE ME!” Mina hits your arm. “Please be my wingwoman, please!”

Mina grabs your arm and pulls you closer and closer to the boys.  Chan sees you first, and when you lock eyes, his own widen.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?”

You smile sheepishly up at him and giggle. “Just havinggg fun!!!” you say loudly, swaying a little.  His eyes widen even more.

“Are you drunk?” His eyes look concerned.

“Not at all!” Mina interjects before batting her eyes at Mingyu. “Hi, I’m Mina, Y/N’s roommate!” Mingyu grins down at her.


You’re focused on Chan. “Y/N, I think I should take you home. What dorm are you in?”


“Uh…” Was it Jordan Hall? Or Jerry Hall? Why couldn’t you remember? Why was it even important that you remembered?

“It doesn’t matter!” You announce with conviction before grabbing Chan’s arm. “C’mon Chan, come dance with Mina and me!” But as soon as you start to move again, you start feeling queasy and sway again on your side.

Steady hands grab your arms. “Whoa there, Y/N,” Chan grunts as he pushes against your weight to position you upright again. “Okay, I’m taking you home.”

“You don’t even know where I live,” you whine. In response, Chan reaches around your body, plucks your lanyard from your back pocket and examines the keys on it.


“You’re in Cooper Hall, same dorm as me,” he says. “Let’s go.” And then he takes your hand and drags you out the door.

Your stomach gets queasier as the cool air hits you once you leave the house.

“Channie, how come I never knew you were going to the same university as me?” you ask as Chan leads you down the front porch steps and across the front lawn.

“I don’t know, Y/N, I guess you just never really paid much attention to me,” Chan mumbles, but you hear him anyway.

“That’s not true!” you gasp. “I li-” you cut yourself off. What in the world were you about to say? ‘I like you’? That wasn’t even true. Your tiny crush on Chan had ended after curtains closed that one performance of Romeo and Juliet in your junior year of high school. You and Chan hadn’t really spoken much since then, even though he had become good friends with Woojin because they liked this one same obscure singer. No. You didn’t like Chan. Not in that way! You stopped in your tracks, hand falling out of Chan’s.

“I don’t like you!” You shouted, staring furiously ahead at the night sky.  Chan looks incredibly confused and maybe a little hurt.

“What?” he asks, his hand retracting.

“Ugh, no! Maybe I do. I don’t know!” You grab your head. “I. JUST. WISH. THE WORLD. WOULD STOP. SPINNING!”

You plop down onto the sidewalk, still grabbing your head. “You’re not helping me either.” You mumble to the ground.

Chan sits down next to you. “What does that mean?”

“It means you and your stupid cute face have been tormenting me since we were five and now I find out that we’re spending the next four years together in this tiny college town at the same university and I just. Don’t. Know. What. To. Do.” You don’t even realize you’ve said that entire sentence in one breath until you realize you’re out of air at the end.  

“You know,” Chan says quietly.  “I’ve liked you for a long time.”

You lift your head out of your hands.  Chan’s face is really close to yours.  When did it get that close? “Really?” you breathe. Your head is still spinning. Is this even real?

Chan nods.

You lean in and your lips collide.

He tastes like mint and strawberries and as soon as you get one taste of him, you can’t get enough.  Your hands go around his shoulders, up his neck, fingers carding through his soft curly hair as the kiss gets deeper. Chan’s mouth is warm, so different from that embarrassing night in middle school.  His hand comes up to cup your cheek as his teeth lightly nibble on your bottom lip.

Suddenly, you push him away.

“Are you okay?” Chan asks with concern.

You throw up on the pavement.

The fifth time you kiss Bang Chan, you’re sweating.

Knock knock. Your heart thrums wildly against your chest as you rock back and forth on your heels, shoe box of new white and red Adidas Stan Smith sneakers, size eight and a half. Your eyes glance nervously between the unmoving door handle and the plain white paper door decoration with a weird fat snake-slash-snail looking drawing on it with “Chan” scrawled on top of it.

The door unswings, and you’re eye-to-eye with a very sleepy looking Chan, his curls haphazardly fluffed in the air – he clearly had just woken up.

As soon as he recognizes you, his eyes widen. “Y/N,” he breathes out, then coughs.  “Uh, what are you doing here?”

You duck your head and thrust the shoe box into his chest.  “I’m so sorry for what happened last night.  I didn’t mean to throw up on your shoes, I swear! Please forgive me!”

“Whoa whoa, it’s okay! I forgive you!” Chan takes the shoe box from your hands and awkward scratches his neck. “So, uh…you remember everything from last night?”

Your cheeks heat up a little, and you remember his confession: I’ve liked you for a long time.

“Can I come in?” you say instead of responding to his question.  Wordlessly, Chan steps aside to let you enter his room.  It’s a small single but about the same size as your own.  It looks like a typical college guy’s room, with dark sheets and headphones strewn across his desk.

“Wow, you even got me the right size. Is this why I saw Yugyeom digging around my shoes drawer last night when I got home?” Chan gives you a wry smile as he opens the shoe box.

“Yeah, as soon as you dropped me off I texted him to find out your shoe size,” you smiled sheepishly.  “I felt so bad!”

“You really didn’t have to do this for me though,” Chan argued, holding the shoe box out limply.  “Like really, this is too much. I’ve got to make it up to you.”

“No way,” you said, shaking your head vigorously.  “I was the one that threw up on your shoes!”

Chan splutters helplessly.  “W-well, at least let me take you out to lunch today or something.  Like a date,” he says the last part so quietly you almost miss it.

Almost. “A date?” you repeat, louder. A red flush creeps up Chan’s neck.

“Yeah, I mean…I like you,” he said.  “You remember that from last night, right?” He takes a step closer to you, and your mind goes blank.

“Y-yeah,” you stutter.  You’re positive your face is beet red too as you try to collect your thoughts in a coherent manner. “I-I mean, I…like you too. Like…since high school and we did the play. Or middle school, even.  I don’t even know…we’ve just known each other for so long that I—oh, fuck it.” You close the gap between you and grab Chan’s shirt with both of your fists, crashing your face into his. His lips are as smooth and soft as you remember, and though they’re frozen for the first half second, both you and him melt into each other a split second later, moving in sync. Chan’s arms wrap around your waist, and you want to stay like this forever, lips locked and body secure against his warm body, but of course your stomach betrays you.

A gurgle from your stomach breaks the two of you apart. Chan laughs and takes your hand, fingers lacing between yours.

“C’mon, let’s go get lunch,” he says, before leaning down and pressing a light kiss against your temple and then moving his lips closer to your ear.   

“And for the record, I’ve liked you ever since I hit you in the head with the soccer ball when we were five.”

His words make a jet of warmth surge up your body, and it feels like a promise of something hopeful.

[ryuukia]

[Translation] Tsukiuta Monthly Publication - Special Issue : Haduki You’s Profile + Q&A

I promised my friend Shiro that I’d translate this if she did her work so here’s me being santa again on the second Christmas day (don’t expect something from me on the third, I’m not a super human. But expect the last rabbits kingdom chapter before the year ends).

This time I decided to include the profile part too (I didn’t include that in Hajime’s and Shun’s translations in the past because those are on the wikia already). Also this is from 2014 when You’s age was 17 (not a typo).

Special thanks to @ryota-kunstranslations for assistance and proofreading! Please don’t repost/reuse my translations.

The one faithful to all women and ‘enemy of males’ is a free, loose man. Haduki You　CV. Tetsuya Kakihara　Music: Utata P

Age: 17 years old

Image colour: red

Height: 176 cm

Affiliation: Procellarum

Birthday: 13th of August

Bloody type: O

Combi: Nagatsuki Yoru (September)

■ Initial settings ■

■ Faithful to women and an ‘enemy of men’

■ His home is an imposing and quite rich temple. He’s the unsteady and egoistic third son of a monk, but it seems he will take over the position of head of the house in the future?

■ His intense preferences (applied to both people and food) are all based on these mysterious rules created by him.

■ He’s a troublesome man who likes to make fun of those around him, and he has no sense of wavering in his words and deeds.

■ He looks laid-back, but in fact he possessed by a strong sense of duty and has a one-track mind. ….... However, he’d never show that even if his life would be on line (personal story). He gets shy about strange things, though, that mostly applies to his childhood friend Yoru, too (September male representative).

■ He gets along well with Koi (February male representative). Both of them talk foolishly and get excited often.

■ Additional settings + α ■

■ He adores curry. He has versatile opinions on curry and has cooked it many times. 

■ His hobbies include taking walks and reading fashion magazines. 

■ He professed his love for older women, and most of the time his girlfriends were also older. 

■ On the other hand, he likes teasing Iku and Rui who are younger than him to see how they would react. He and Koi share the same energy so they keep things lively but, there’s a rumor going around that he actually likes taking care of people. He and his childhood friend, Yoru, didn’t really speak to each other during middle school. Please confirm the events of what happened in the drama CDs. 

■ He likes high places, where there are no people, and the feeling of freedom. 

■ He’s bad at group activities since they’re bound to bring many rules and restrictions, which he hates. 

■ Since he’s a moody person, he tends to not do stuffs even if he can actually do them. 

■ Yoru’s grandfather who takes care of the temple back at their hometown is his natural enemy. He starts to complain as soon as he sees his face, so in order to avoid that, he runs away. 

■ He’s right handed, he’s eyesight is 1.2 for his right eye and 1.0 for his left eye. It seems like he has a fixation on refusing to wear glasses because he believes he has a face that doesn’t suit them and that his eyesight will definitely not get worse.

■ Strong points (things he’s good at & preferences): women / dancing / curry / things related to design / freedom / high places / his seniors / the feeling of freedom / strolls / being fashionable

■ Weak points (things he’s not good at & dislikes): restrictions / rules / group activities / grandfather Nagatsuki / men in general / being fixated on sports / green pepper

★Q&A★

Each character had to answer questions sent to Tsukiradio by all the listeners!

Q. What’s your favourite music genre?

A. I’ve been told it’s unexpected, but I keep listening to western music from around 1960, classical music and things like that as if I’m in a daze. When I have to follow the meaning of some Japanese lyrics, I can’t listen to them like that (laugh). Recently I got into songs I can dance on like electroclash, trance, and those with high energy.

Q. What are your hobbies?

Taking walks and reading fashion magazines. I guess dancing turned into one too but only recently. I started to take lessons throughout my entertainment work, but I want to do it properly. Ah, making curry is also one of my hobbies.

Q. How long have you known Mattsun, who has made his appearance in the drama CD? Have you gone out with him to pick up girls? What about Yoru?

An unexpected Mattsun topic (laughs). The last time all 3 of us hung out together was when we were in the fourth grade in elementary school, it’s been some time since then. He’s the type of guy who talks to anyone, and he has a pretty plain face. I remember maybe going out with him to hit on girls 2 or 3 times before. They only come to me so he complains a lot. I don’t think Yoru has gone with him to do that though. He’s not really that kind of guy (bitter smile).

Q. Among foreign languages, what’s your favourite? German?

Ahaha, I like German. Isn’t it interesting to hear how the rhythm plays out at the end of each German word? I also want to be able to speak English. Doesn’t it look as if I’m going to make my debut in all of America?

Q. Does your school uniform include only a blazer? Or is it an integral one?

In middle school it was an integral uniform, in high school only a blazer. When we walked around in public, it seems like the uniform was kinda popular as it had a good design. Guys wear neckties and girls ribbons. Each grade had a different colour between green, blue or red, but my grade had red.

Q. When did you have your first love? Please tell us about memories from that time!

I was very clingy to my kindergarten teacher. She was beautiful and gentle. I brought her a bouquet of dandelions and told her “Become my bride in the future”~. And yet, at the same time I graduated kindergarten she resigned because she was getting married. I guess it’s true that first loves don’t come true….

Q. For how many years have you been separated from your siblings? Are you getting along with them?

Quite a long time. My eldest brother, Sou, is 26 and he’s really serious and stubborn. The middle one, Tooru, he’s 22 and lives life the way he wants to. It feels as if he’s like me, always moving about. Our relationship is like any other that three brothers could have. Even if we don’t need anything from each other, we still text to a degree. But despite not seeing each other for a long time, it’s easy to tell each other ‘Heya’, ‘Yoo’ or talk like usual.

Q. Have you ever confessed to someone?

I’m kinda hesitant to admit but, I haven’t really. I’ll wait for the time when someone would accept my confession. Sly, right? I wonder if I’ll ever get to confess my love like a mad man…….

Q. Out of all the things Yoru-kun has cooked, what’s your number one favourite?

All of them are good. …...All of them are good. ← Not decided on one.

Q. What your favourite girl hairstyle?

Semi-long. Even better if it’s a perm. But, it’s kinda exciting to see how much they can arrange their hairstyles.

[readyallthecanons]

emma backstory

so i mentioned before that emma did not live the best of lives. so here it is! under the cut bc it’s pretty long and mentions of potentially triggering topics. 

[tw: mentions of attempted su*cide, abuse, bullying, abortion]

The Family Situation

Born to Puerto Rican immigrants in Queens, New York

Xander and Emeraude loved their children but couldn’t hide the fact that their marriage was failing (if not already failed)

Both of them wanted to divorce even before Emma was born but stayed together for family reasons and religious conviction

They fought over the most mundane things (ex. Dishes, laundry, breathing next to them) it was bad

Eventually started fooling around with other people

Had a funny way of showing their love; pretty strict and discipline based

Emma grew up in this set up: her father’s unexcused absences and her mother’s frequent visitors

She has caught her mother in the arms of another many many times/ caught her dad bringing someone home

Emeraude would bribe her with almost anything and said “it would be their little secret”/”papa didn’t mind”

Same hat with Xander

On bad days, there was a lot of guilt tripping, threats, and “I am your parent and you will listen to me”

Has 4 older brothers (she’s the youngest of 5; the unica hija)

Diego - a diplomat who was abroad more than he was at home; loves his family but is p distant; very calm and collected and good at talking

Julian - a struggling musician who wasn’t hitting big; his excuse was that him succeeding was the Lord’s will; p religious (in a bad way)

Moses - very thoughtful guy and has a lot of love for those he cares about and does not like to be held down; one of Emma’s favorite brothers; he elopes with his girlfriend in June 2011; gets Turned into a supernatural creature then somehow ends up in Chicago; member of Quartz Tear

Samuel - careless dude who definitely jumps before he thinks….but he has good intentions; one of Emma’s favorite brothers; joins a gang and is eventually arrested in the August of 2011

Forced into a box: made to be what her parents and older brothers wanted her to be

Did ballet and music….did very well in ballet but sucked balls at music

Raised to be a good church girl

Lots of policing

She hated it but didn’t know how to get out of it

Closest with Moses and Samuel; they did so much together and she was heartbroken when they left her (unfortunately alone with their parents and Julian)

Generally, Emma didn’t get a lot of love and support growing up….and the ones that showed her that abandoned her alas

Trust and Abandonment Issues are real

The BFF Situation

Bc things were rough at home, she sought refuge from other people: Talulah “Tally” Mendoza and Carter Hayes, her (ex-)bffs

Talulah - leader of the group; what she said was law; best friends with Emma since kindergarten; mythic bitch

Carter - a bit of a push over but can be hella sharp-tongued; mostly just says yes to whatever Talulah (and others) says; knows exactly how to hurt u with words

Big the Plastics/Heathers vibes...they’re part of the popular kids

Emma had to look and dress and act in a certain way bc she was part of the popular girls 

Was very uncomfortable for her

Again with the body policing

Was also the butt of many of their jokes (her height, her skin color, the wealth of her family-- not as rich as Talulah, etc.) + lots of backstabbing...sometimes to her face

Emma braved all the insults and ngl would do anything to stay in Talulah and Carter’s good graces bc sometimes u latch onto people

While Emma was a victim, she just as much insulted and bullied them...especially Carter when Talulah was making fun of her; the treatment she was subjected to was also done to Carter whenever Talulah felt like it; she’s just as much a two faced backstabbing snake as her two friends were

It’s just a really toxic friendship ngl….it’s not even a friendship alas

They don’t truly care for one another and would trade the other for a potato chip

They’re just a trio of backstabbing snakes ya know

Again, trust and abandonment issues are real

Aftermath

Combined stress of her family life (general family drama and her 2 fave brothers abandoning her) and the bullying/controlling in her social life were too much for Emma

Attempted but is unsuccessful and winds up at the ER (November 2011)

Diagnosed with Depression

Got admitted into the psych ward of a local hospital (only reason she got admitted was bc Diego was home and made his parents let her go into the psych ward despite their negative perception of mental health illnesses)

Is released after some months and continued to see a therapist and psychiatrist 

Emma had a 180 degree shift in personality - a very extreme reaction but valid

Swore that she would never be boxed up/controlled again

Basically is the current version of her now

Now runs on spite

Quit being friends with Talulah and Carter, said “fuck you” to her family’s expectatons and did her own thing and she didnt care what others people said; big “fuck off and fuck you” vibes

The Pregnancy Situation

Found out that she was pregnant at 17 (April 2013)

Dad is Teale’s relative named Daniel Andrews

Got kicked out of the house for bringing shame to the family; stays at her brothers’ girlfriend’s house in the meantime

Wanted to get an abortion but has no money for it so decides to give the baby up for adoption

Started looking for a suitable couple to adopt the child

Met and befriended Lawrence and Arthur Wilkins, a couple who have been married for 4 years and are finally ready to have a child

They’re super excited and super nice to Emma; one of the first people to show that they care for her

Emma is so shookt and definitely thinks it’s only bc of the baby

Ambra Joyce “AJ” Wilkins was born  (December 2013) and Emma was Conflicted

Emotional as Emma wants to keep the child but still doesn’t bc she doesn’t have the means to support the child

Doesn’t understand what’s going on with her feelings and it scares her

“Why am I sad over something I didn’t want anyway???”

Lawrence and Arthur offer to help Emma but she chooses to leave anyway (bc she didn’t know how to cope with her feelings regarding the whole situation and there’s just a lot of anger and pain atm)

She steals her family car, picks a random city (which happens to be Chicago) and ran away

Chicago

Wound  up in Chicago in February 2014 (specifically in Red Claw territory)

Lived in her car for some time 

But her car was eventually trashed at the command of Clint who she kinda caught the attention of and he finessed his way into her life with a place to live and a decent job

She’s like 18 and he’s 21 :/

Clint and Emma eventually start hooking up

Things between them turn hella toxic and abusive and its really Bad 

Clint is controlling and manipulative and won’t stop reminding Emma that she owes him for all the things he’s done for/given her...and there are other stuff

Emma was very dependent on him and she hated it so much

Also used sex as a form of escapism and alas Clint was there and readily available

It is definitely call the cops bad...there’s all sorts of abuse/assault that’s all

Turned into a Werewolf by Clint (in the same year)

Emma was trying to leave him and he lashed out, Turning her in the process

Ever since then, Emma has been some level of afraid of Clint

Joined the Red Claw after Clint offers it to her

Doesn’t really want to but she’s so lost and confused and scared; she needed help

The Red Claw offered answers and safety...things Emma so desperately needed and wanted  So

Eventually gets a job at the Hocus Pocus Coffeeshop and then the Oak and Swan Pub (both are attempts to becoming more financially independent)

The shit storm between her and Clint continue for a good long time sadly :((  (not technically backstory info but still worth mentioning)

Gets 3 abortions and 1 miscarriage before she finally leaves him and the Red Claw (i got more details about this but yea will share if asked ig or will talk about it someday)

Her reproductive system and mental health is Wrecked

[cannedapricot]

Christmas Shopping with! Yoon Jisung

another installment of the chirstmas collab with @alliwannado-w1 and @jihoonslattee ft. toy store worker! yoon jisung!!

jisung works at a toy store in a mall on the second floor

and he loves it

he loves seeing children’s faces glowing in happiness after entering the store

he loves helping children find the perfect toy

jiSUNG’S JUST FULL OF LOVE FOR WHAT HE DOES

when children start throwing tantrums, jisung’s the first person to rush over

the child stops crying after 5 seconds because thE FACES JISUNG MAKES TO CHEER THEM UP ARE LEDGENDARY

co-worker! sungwoon swears that jisung would marry his job if he could

everyone who’s ever visited this specific mall knows of yoon jisung

i mean, he’s the resident sunshine who glows so brightly whenever he smiles that everyone in the mall stops to wear sunglasses

he’s also the reason why every kid ever wants to go to that one toy shop lol

the boss wanted to make jisung the mascot at one point but jisung was like,

“oh no!! i’m probably going to scare people away from the shop haha!”

and that’s how sungwoon was forced into being the mascot because he was “smol and fluffy”

jisung never lets sungwoon live because of it

“oh look!!! sungwoon’s on our poster again!!11!111″

“...TEAR IT DOWN”

chirstmas is jisung’s favorite holiday

part of it was because of the snow and quality family time 

but mostly it was because mORE SMILEY KIDS WOULD WALK INTO THE SHOP

CHEEKS RED WITH COLD

AND EYES GLEAMING WITH EXCITEMENT 

the shop has this thing where the staff can wrap your presents for you

and everyone h a t e s being put on gift wrapping duty

because its??? so??? boring???

they’d much rather do something else

aka find a corner where the boss can’t see you and go on your phone smh

so when the boss calls a meeting and announces that the gift wrapping duty is back!!!

all he gets are groans in response

except from jisung though

he puts his arm straight up and with sparkling eyes, he says

“I VOLUNTEER”

“uh ok i guess jisung’s on gift duty for the fourth year in a row”

but daniel and jaehwan are also selected for different shifts

jisung nearly has a heart attack when he hears that jaehwan’s also on gift duty

beCAUSE THAT BOY CAN’T WRAP GIFTS FOR SHIT

so jisung spends his lunch break teaching jaehwan how to wrap a gift properly and prettily :’)

jaehwan tries to learn because he doesn’t want to deal with screaming kids if he wraps their gift shittily

it doesn’t turn out as perfect as jisung’s but it’ll have to do :’’’)

jisung’s also the only person who happily wears the santa hat uniform addition 

jiSUNG’S WILL HAPPILY DO ANYTHING FOR THIS SHOP

HE LOVES THE SHOP WITH HIS WHOLE HEART SIDVBIS

even if the pay isn’t as high as other jobs, jisung’s content :’) 

he’s such an angel i love him

you worked at a local kindergarten!

you’ve only been working for a couple of months but the kids there absolutely adore you!!

you’d step in the classroom and everyone would rush over to hug you

the kindergarten once had a popularity vote among the teachers and you ranked first even though you were new :””)

everyone wanted to be in your class

and the other teachers are lowkey offended 

it was a tradition every year to bring the kids on a trip to the mall for them to write small wish lists to send to santa :’’’’’)

the kids were thrilled obviously

“sCHOOL TRIP TIME WHEEEEEEEE”

it took a while for them to calm down

but they eventually did 

you’ve never been to the mall in this area,,, so you’re kinda scared that you’re gonna get lost or lose one of the kids etc

you tried getting out of it

“hey uh cough cough minhyun? cough”

“yeah?”

“sneeze i think i’m down with a cold”

“oh no!!!111!!1!1 would you like to take a few days off???”

“yes-”

“is what you think i’d say right? too bad we’re already low on staff as it is we don’t need another ‘sick’ one”

THERE GOES THAT PLAN OUT THE WINDOW

you knew that there was no point in arguing anymore :’)

on the day you were a nervous wreck

you had planned to go around the mall yesterday but that didn’t happen

thanks to your close friend suddenly dropping by

yoU WERE SWEATING AND YOUR EYES WERE DARTING EVERYWHERE

EVEN THE KIDS THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS OFF

“miss y/n? are you okay?”

“o-OH YEAH I’M FINE TOMMY”

WIPES SWEAT

after herding the kids into the bus, you tried to make a run for it

but minhyun catches you with his signature “where do you think you’re going” smile on his face

then proceeds to fling you onto the bus

upon reaching the mall, the kids immediately screamed to go visit the toy store

having no choice but to do so, you bring your little group of kids towards the toy shop on the second floor

while looking at the map you have on your phone lmao

you let out a sigh in relief when you reach the store without anything happening

you tell the kids not to wander off by their own and stick close together

entering the shop, you catch a certain worker’s eye 👀👀

i mean you would catch my eye as well

it’s not everyday someone walks into a shop with 10 kids around them

but of course the shop expected your kindergarten to visit this time of year

and that particular worker slides up to your party while in the lego section

“hi! i’m jisung! is there anything you’re looking for?”

you were about to respond but the kids responded before you could

“wHERE ARE THE BARBIES???”

“BRING ME A STUFFED BEAR PLEASE”

p a ni c s

“i’m so sorry- n O EMILY STOP CLINGING ON THE WORKER’S LEG”

jisung lets out a hearty laugh,

“don’t worry! i’m used to it”

anD BOY WAS HIS LAUGH ATTRACTIVE

is it getting hot in here or is it just jisung? 👀👀

jisung squats down to the little girl’s height and talks to her in the s o f t e s t tone

and you think that’s he’s possibly the cutest man you’ve ever m e t

“miss y/n!!!! stop staring at him!!”

buoVOUVODUV???????

jisung’s draws his attention from the little girl to look at you

yOU GLOW BRIGHT RED

“I WASN’T- UH- I WAS LOOKING AT THAT STUFFED RABBIT BEHIND YOU YEAH”

AND JISUNG CHUCKLES AT YOUR OBVIOUSLY FLUSTERED FACE

deciding not to make you glow any more red, he says,

“hey, i’ll help you deal with the kids today yeah?”

“OHMYGOSH THANK YOU SO MUCH”

BECAUSE

FINALLY 

SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THE MALL WELL

“i’ll go tell my boss!”

he doesn’t

he tells sungwoon to cover for him

“heY YOU TOLD ME TO POSTPONE MY DATE TO WORK HOW COME YOU GET TO-”

covERS SUNGWOON’S MOUTH

“it’s not a da t e”

sungwoon rolls his eyes

“sure ok”

and so jisung joins your party!!

y’all look like a cute family with 10 kids :’)

throughout the day, jisung’s interaction with the kids and his funny personality made you feel like melting

was it possible for a man to be this adorable??

you didn’t know but,,

jisung was also melting for you too :’)))

so when minhyun calls you and says that it’s time to leave

jisung doesn’t want to let you go

neither did you tbh

so as you herd the kids into the bus once again, jisung pulls you back for a moment

“hey,,,, uh,,,, have you done your christmas shopping yet?”

“not yet!! i’m planning to do so this sunday”

“oh!! great!! um,,, i was wondering if you wanted to do it together? sunday’s my day off too,,,”

hE WAS AVOIDING EYE CONTACT AS HE ASKED YOU AND YOU WERE SQUEALING INSIDE

“yES! I MEAN-- sure!”

and then jisung looks at you with the whole galaxy in his eyes

his cheeks were flushed but you had no idea whether it was because of the weather or because he was flustered

“REALLY???”

you reply with a smile and a nod of your head

he then digs through his pockets for a pen

and asks you to write your number on his hand

the pen was in the shape of a giraffe

minhyun screams for you as soon as you finished writing the last digit

“i’ll text you!!”

jisung yells as you run towards the bus, waving at him with a huge smile

he does

and you two don’t stop texting until sunday

“y/n! over here!!”

you rush over to the waiting jisung 

“i’m sorry did you have to wait for a long time?”

he smiles and claims that he just got here

and you two head into the mall

as soon as you two step in, you guys were surrounded by couples who were also christmas shopping

and it felt awkward for the first time since you’ve known jisung

clEARS THROAT

“so,,, y/n, where do you want to go first?”

you randomly point at a stationary store 

and you two exit a few minutes later

with a bunch of bags in hand

“i knEW WE SHOULDN’T HAVE GONE INTO THAT STORE”

hOLD IN YOUR TEARS Y/N, YOUR WALLET WILL BE O K

jisung laughs 

“THIS ISN’T SOMETHING TO LAUGH OVER”

“sorRY”

HUFFS

and you two continue your raid of the mall

exiting a new shop with more bags each time :”)

at one point y’all entered a furniture shop and accidentally walked into the beds section

the worker there mistakes you for a couple and smirks at you two 👀👀

yOU TWO SUDDENLY REALIZE WHAT THE SMIRK MEANT

AND HURRIED OUT OF THE STORE

y’all also entered the toy store jisung works at

and jisung’s co-workers are all staring at you two

especially sungwoon and jaehwan who followed you two around the shop talking loudly about how jisung was boyfriend material

“DID YOU KNOW JISUNG IS GREAT AT COOKING RAMEN???”

“OH REALLY???”

“YEAH WHOEVER MARRIES HIM WOULD BE LUCKY”

JISUNG WAS SWEATIN G

WHY ARE HIS FRIENDS SO EMBARRASSING

“y/N LETS LEAVE THE SHOP”

“what- i haven’t finished-”

PUSHES YOU OUT

but doesn’t forget to buy you a gift from the shop

after wandering around the mall more, you two end up in front of the giant christmas tree 

the lights casted shadows around 

and you turn to face jisung, finding him looking up at the tree with those stars in his eyes

then he turns to face you with that huge smile of his

and bOY HIS FACE ILLUMINATED BY THE LIGHT WHILE HE SMILES HNNNNG

then he suddenly pulls out a rabbit soft toy

“merry christmas y/n! here’s your present!!”

this was the same rabbit you had claimed to be staring at while you were actually staring at jisung

“you were staring at this the other day right?”

yOU BURST INTO LAUGHTER

jisung thought you were laughing at his gift :(

“IM NOT LAUGHING AT THE GIFT, I’M JUST LAUGHING BECAUSE,,”

“because??”

“I WASN’T ACTUALLY STARING AT THE RABBIT, I WAS STARING AT YOU,,,,, THANK YOU ANYWAYS THOUGH”

and yOU SNATCH THE RABBIT FROM HIS HANDS

TO HIDE YOUR REDDENING FACE

jisung’s face lights up at this

“y/n?”

“yes?”

“what do you think about today being our first day?”

“??first day??”

“yeah, as a couple”

STATIONARY SHOPS MAKE ME GO BROKE OSFDGBOSB

also this was lowkey kinda shit,,,,, jisung’s actually a ray of sunshine in human form and i love him so much anyone who says he’s ugly can come fight me

[aaltohelsinki]

Meet Aalto-Helsinki iGEM 2019 team!

It is time for the new Aalto-Helsinki team to finally take over the blog! For the last few months we have been pretty busy trying to come up with another brilliant idea, fundraising and meeting people. Now it is time for us to introduce ourselves to all of you.

Ilse

I am currently studying in the Translational Medicine MSc program at the University of Helsinki. I completed my Bachelor’s degree in Integrative Biology in the U.S. I am enthusiastic about innovations in healthcare and medicine. On my free time I enjoy all things outdoors and also coach track & field. I applied to iGEM because of the opportunity to work with a multidisciplinary team, and the opportunity to come up with a topic and project plan from the beginning. Great learning opportunity on so many levels! Besides working in the field of medical research, my dream job would be a sunset photographer.

What is your favourite breakfast food? My favourite breakfast food is pancakes. Especially oat-cardamom pancakes with berries and good coffee

What was the worst style choice you ever made? When I was younger I wanted to wear everything with flower print, so then all my clothes were of different flower prints and I’m not sure how stylish combo that ended up being

What is your favourite item you’ve bought this year? Bright light lamp. My artificial sun has gotten me through studying for so many exams during the winter

What’s your favourite tradition or holiday? Midsummer! Daylight all day and night with friends, sauna, swimming, grilled food, drinks, games & flower crowns. Is there anything better?

Noora

I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Biomedicine and currently studying a Master’s programme in Translational Medicine. I have some experience in biomedical research and bioentrepreneurship. My hobbies are bouldering and working out at the gym at times when I’m not busy figuring out how to solve all the problems in the world with science. I applied to iGEM because I am interested in gaining experience in planning and executing projects and interested in innovations in life sciences. My dream job is to work with improving healthcare and solving global problems in the field of life sciences.

​If you could bring back any fashion trend what would it be? Comfy fleeces!

​Coffee or tea? Coffee in the morning and decaf tea in the evening.

​What is your favourite dessert? I have a really bad sweet tooth, my favourite dessert is anything that includes chocolate.

Miika

I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Biotechnology and Chemical Technology, and I am currently studying in a Master’s programme in Biosystems and Biomaterials Engineering at Aalto University. My hobbies include going to the gym and playing guitar. Life sciences obviously interest me and I thought that iGEM would be a unique chance to get to plan and execute a research project from scratch, as this kind of experience is hard to obtain otherwise, also getting a summer job on top of that is kind of superb. My dream job would be a stadiums out selling rockstar, but I’m afraid that that particular ship has sailed. So, the next best thing would be working with synthetic biology, health technologies and improve people’s quality of life with treatments and diagnostic methods.

What type of music do you listen to? All kind of growling and howling. I really enjoy thoroughly music of pretty much all kind, from electro pop to death metal. I’ve found that predictability is the enemy number one of any great music, so the more groove and hooks, the better!

If you had to eat one meal every day for the rest of your life what would it be? Starts with a P and ends in izza, I mean, there ain’t even other options to this really.

If you had a time machine, would go back in time or into the future? Easy. I’d check the numbers and go back in time to the the previous day of the biggest Eurojackpot lottery.

Do you separate your laundry into colors or just throw it all in together? I like to live dangerously.

Camilla

I am currently finishing my Bachelor’s Degree in Biotechnology and Chemical Technology at Aalto University. In the fall, I will start studying towards my Master’s Degree in Biosystems and Biomaterials Engineering. On my free time I enjoy being outside in the nature and spending time with my family, friends and dogs. I applied to iGEM because I have followed the former teams, and it looked like they had a lot of fun, and very interesting projects, so I thought it would be a very nice experience to be part of the 2019 team. I mean, who wouldn’t want to work together with an interdisciplinary team, where you get to ideate, plan and execute a synthetic biology project from the start to finish? I do as I think is sounds super interesting! My dream job would be any job in which I can somehow improve human health or do something good for the environment.

Seen anything lately that made you smile? Our super nice iGEM team and the beautiful spring weather.

​If you had to delete all but 3 apps from your smartphone, which ones would you keep? Whatsapp, Photo Gallery and Spotify.

​What is your favorite time of the day and why? My favourite time of the day is the morning because breakfast is my favourite meal of the day and I love taking long morning walks or runs in the nature at sunrise.

​Teleportation or flying? Flying!

Amanda

I’m currently wrapping up my Master’s studies in Microbiology at the University of Helsinki. I have a Bachelor’s degree in the same subject. Currently I’m working on a project related to oil spill response, with the help of microbes! I also have some experience in medical microbiology. My hobbies include astanga yoga, climbing and ballroom dances. Also I enjoy spending time in nature. I applied to iGEM because I thought it would be a great opportunity to work in a multidisciplinary group and carry out a project from start to finish. Previous year’s projects have been very interesting, and it seemed like people have had a lot of fun. My dream job would be to improve the wellbeing of humans, animals and the environment with science.

​Who’s someone you really admire? Dr. Jane Goodall (English primatologist and anthropologist). A big inspiration for me as a person and a scientist.

​Do you collect anything? Tea mugs! I have LOTS of them! One can never have too many tea mugs.

​What’s the most embarrassing fashion trend you used to rock? Flared pants (very very flared). I also had an awkward phase with huge skater shoes.

Neja

I am currently finishing my Bachelor’s degree in Chemistry at the University of Helsinki. In the fall I will start studying towards my Master’s degree in Translational Medicine. I have knowledge from various fields due to many different courses that I took during my Bachelor’s degree. On top of that I also have sufficient experiences in biomedical research. In my free time I can be found in the nature, hanging out with my friends, travelling the world or on one of many events that I helped organising. I grew up under the Alps and therefore hiking is one of my favourite hobbies. Whenever I get to visit home, conquering a new peak is on my must-do-list. I applied to iGEM because of my love for research and challenges. I believe it is a unique opportunity to perform a project from the beginning until the end and I am really excited to spend the summer in the lab working with so many wonderful people! My dream job would be something exciting as for example taking a part in new discoveries that have a potential to improve human or animal health or save the environment. I also love history and researching what has happened in the past would be another exiting path.

What was your favourite game to play as a child? Hide and seek. We would play it in the old mansion in my home town and it would sometimes take us hours to find everyone since there were so many small hidden places.  

What’s the worst thing you ever did as a kid — and got away with? Me and my friends planned an escape from the kindergarten. We only reached the main road when we got scared and turned back. However no one has notice our little adventure even though we have missed half of the lunch.

What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite? Sausage filled with intestines in France. 

Do you think you could live without your smartphone (or other technology item) for 24 hours? Definitely. I went camping to places without electricity or any other form of technology with my family or friends plenty of times. However it is always nice to have a camera on hand if you are camping somewhere especially beautiful and spectacular.

Antti

I’m studying Molecular Biosciences (BSc) at the University of Helsinki, gathering more information to make the impossible decision of choosing a more narrow field to focus on in the future. My previous studies were completely unrelated to biology (I did a little bit of flying), but I’d consider them as an interesting misstep on a wobbly path towards the real deal. What’s more important than science? In addition to hugging my copy of The Cell, I like reading, picking mushrooms and wondering. I applied to the team because iGEM seemed like a great opportunity to gain experience in applying scholarly knowledge in practice, while learning lots of other useful skills. Also it’s a step towards my ideal of being useful for fellow humans, other conscious organisms, and the environment.

​What movie seen recently you would recommend and why?​ I enjoy films that contemplate the paradoxical nature of being human. One that’s been stuck in my head is a 2015 film set in the early stages of Algerian War called Far from Men. It’s also a good history lesson.

What fictional world or place would you like to visit?​ Moominvalley. Exactly the one that’s formed inside my head after reading Tove Jansson’s books.

What are you reading right now?​ Henri Lefebvre’s Critique of Everyday Life and Donna Tartt’s The Secret History.

Arina

I am currently majoring in Energy and Environmental Technology and minoring in Bioinformation Technology, Bachelor programs, at Aalto University. Previously I studied physics in Helsinki Open University. On my free time I love doing art, such as painting and drawing. I applied to Aalto-Helsinki iGEM team because of my interest in biology, medicine and new diagnostics and treatment options made possible by synthetic biology. I am a member in Aalto-Helsinki iGEM project with responsibilities in laboratory practising, data modelling and statistical analysis, and project website development. My dream job would be to become a scientific researcher.

​What’s the best advice you’ve ever heard? Be yourself and love what you’re doing.

What type of coffee would you describe yourself as?  Latte, because it’s my favorite type of coffee.

If you could pick up a new skill in an instant what would it be? Learning languages in seconds, because knowing them is super useful.

Ursula

I am currently studying Entrepreneurship & Innovation Management at Aalto University School of Business and minoring in Molecular Biosciences at the University of Helsinki. I am interested in healthcare innovations and improving the wellbeing of people’s lives. On my free time I enjoy all kind of sports and spending time with friends. I applied to iGEM because I felt that the project would combine many of my interests and values: biology, medicine and innovations as well as working with a team towards something meaningful. My dream job is to work with improving human health and wellbeing. Other than that, I would be a dog massage therapist.

What was your nickname(s) as a child? Uula by my sister (she had hard time pronouncing “r” and “s”...)

What is your most used emoji? The emoji with sunglasses

What was your least favourite food as a child? Do you still hate it or do you love it now? Liver casserole but loving it nowadays!

Tuomas

I am currently finishing BA in art conservation, I also have a degree in electronics from way back. I like tinkering with stuff such as 3D-printers etc. and I enjoy watching certain sports as well. In my free time I practice Muay Thai to keep fit, with less than stellar results. I’ve got two kids that are my biggest responsibility. I applied to iGEM to see the world and my dream job would be to become a King of Sealand.

What was the worst haircut you ever had? One I did myself on first grade. Let’s just say hair was missing from where it is traditionally understood to be.

What was your first job? When I was six, I walked up and down the back of this old lady that lived upstairs, like some kind of primitive child-chiropractor.

Seen any good movies lately you’d recommend? No.

Written by Neja Sirc

[seongkiran-blog]

( i’m sobbing she’s precious )

hi guys, i’m jules and i’m so excited to be a part of this rp !! i just saw that my app was in all caps by mistake bc my phone likes to fuck with me like that and i’m cringing omg. so i applied a few days ago but life got super hectic and i only just reapplied now that i’ve come up for air rip. but this is my eternally fucked, lowkey honey girl kiran who thinks she’s stoic and intimidating af but more often than not has the smallest of smiles at the v least on her face. here’s some basic — & extensive, sorry lmao — info about her ( TW: death, self-destructive behaviour, adjustment disorder/situational depression ) :

born seong kiran/kiran diana seong on march 12, 1997

scarborough, canada born and raised to first-gen korean-canadian parents

the epitome of a bitter smol™ that’s prepared to fight over everything (stubborn brat )

has twin five year old siblings that she fucking adores, which is a big deal since she doesn’t care intensely for many people

her parents were both only kids that ventured into science-based careers; her mom was a pharmacist at her late grandparents’ small clinic and her dad was a neurosurgeon at toronto gen hospital, so they were upper-middle class you could say

s u c k e d at making friends in her formative years and when she did, they didn’t stay for v long

plenty of chances for her to find new friends though since the gta is huge and has a ton of other kids around so it wasn’t all in vain

also her vanity when she was a kid was prob a turn off for others lol

smart af, like english? a’s. math? a’s french? a+

eventually didn’t suck at the whole friend thing and had a small group of people she grew rather fond of

she ended up graduating as valedictorian and was accepted to mcgill to study pre-med and become a neurosurgeon just like papa seong

always wanted to follow in his footsteps, so it came as no surprise to her parents

( TW: DEATH ) during her midterm break in her first sem, her parents decided to take the family to their cabin near muskoka for a weekend away from the city/suburbs

they were a little over halfway there when her dad tried to veer the suv away from a moose in the middle of their lane, but wasn’t successful

kiran was conscious during the whole thing, though she sustained a concussion and the twins were unharmed in their carseats; however their mother died on impact and their father suffered from a cranial injury ( .. i only just realized how ironic and morbid this is after working with this muse for a while oh my g o d )

she went with the twins to the hospital and was inconsolable over the loss of her mother alone, while her father was in critical condition and the outlook was promising, though not certain

he was put in a medically induced coma after being operated on and she and her godparents ( who advised her on the whole thing since they were docs themselves ) decided to hold out hope for a recovery

the twins were put in her care and she was left to deal with the burden of their loss, her education and the obvious, her brother and sister’s newfound dependency on her

she withdrew from the few people she became close to over the years, her grades began to slip as well, and she was always weighed down by grief and anxiety

she tried to stay in school while taking care of the twins, but it was becoming more and more difficult to do so. she just managed to keep her head above water throughout the rest of the first sem though

moved out of res, into an apartment and relocated the twins for the time being to see if she could pull it off

( TW: SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOUR ) add the fact that a part of her began to question if she could really follow in her dad’s footsteps, and that she let further anxiety from the pressures of making her parents proud get to her and she was soon on a downward spiral

she slipped away from her academics and was slowly becoming a poor guardian; soon, kiran was partying too hard and winding up in the hospital or a stranger’s dorm, skipping labs, and was generally a lost cause when the twins were under the care of a sitter

failed a couple of courses by the end of the second semester and had her godparents flying out to crack down on her dumb ass

felt hopeless and lost, but especially so when she posed the risk of losing the only family that she had left, realizing how selfish her actions were and trying to amend her mistakes

dropped out of mcgill for the time being and took up a job as a retail clerk to provide for the three of them ( despite inheriting their mom’s estate and all, as she put the money that came from it into the kids’ savings )

was soon in the clear in her godparents’ opinion and has tried to do right by her parents and siblings since then

after losing herself for a while, she found that she was right back to where she started with friend-making, but rather than it being her just not knowing how, it was that she didn’t want to let people in after everything that had happened

she didn’t remain a loner, but she didn’t have a ride or die by any means

for the sake of her a.d and bc of the bad memories that t.o and mtl held, she found herself relocating to greenville of all places

but deep down she knows mama seong would be happy about the kids growing up in a smaller town than near dt toronto

about four months after settling in, she began attending a nearby college in what would have been her fourth semester and has since maintained a high gpa after retaking the courses she fucked up in

her dad has since woken up, but he’s going through extensive forms of therapy to restore his motor, neurological, etc functions

she’d be back in t.o if her godparents hadn’t advised against it since it was still rly overwhelming for him and his three kids ( two of whom wouldn’t rly know him either ) coming back prob wouldn’t help ??

still has nightmares from the accident, the girl’s scarred for life and is thankful that the twins were too young to remember

sees a psychiatrist at the behest of her godmother bc she rly can’t cope by herself in all of this but she doesn’t like to burden others with her problems ( doesn’t like people knowing much about her regardless but )

now to her personality and extra facts ig ??? this has gotten so out of hand already, sTOP ME

the most stubborn chick alive, will never admit she’s wrong unless you weasel it out of her with some heavy guilt-tripping

she used to be a fucking NIGHTMARE to most people before everything went awry, still can be but it’s more or less an act with a little bit of it also being herself

a true instagram addict, which makes sense bc she can be p vain at times

rather intuitive tbh

can be insightful as well

feigns annoyance and boredom with people/their antics

some weird ass detachment method on her part that she didn’t shake, but question her on it and she’ll shut it tf down

but is still genuinely, easily irritated all the same ?? not even i understand this chick

curses like a sailor is she isn’t too curt in her responses

has a problem with trusting others, feels like she can only truly rely on herself so if you break through that barrier then congrats ig

she won’t make it obvious though, she’s a sociable being and will actually take to you if you pique her interest with free booze or a wild story

just don’t expect her to surrender much of her life story, but she’ll also get a bit offended if you don’t offer a bit of your own ??

the most annoying internalizer of emotions ever if you’re actually friends with her, 110% will not confide in you if you’re not one of four or five people in her life

also fears loss more than anything, so she isn’t close to many people for BOTH the trusting aspect, as well as wanting to spare herself the pain of watching more loved ones die or leave

but if you’re one of the v select few people she’s let in completely, she’ll never let you go. she’s the definition of loyal and will legit die for you

so so devoted to her little brother and sister, like she loves them more than anything and does everything so that they can succeed when they’re older

all of the sports acceptable for kindergarteners, music lessons, ballet, you name it, she’s got them registered

puts them before herself all the fucking time, her mom wouldn’t be impressed with her putting herself last as opposed to finding equilibrium

anyways, point is, you’ll never see her be more affectionate and joyful than with her family, godparents included

her being good with other kids though ?? she’s been working on it and she’s coming around

still can’t stand screaming brats though lmao

will be super polite to even her enemy’s parents mostly bc fuck that person.. unless their parents aren’t pleasant people either, then she’ll be unpleasant right back lmao

trust me when i say that she has a heart of gold and will do what’s morally right, is so so soft but will forever be in denial like i cannOT STRESS ENOUGH

defensive pessimism at its finest

fluent in french and korean

memes are lowkey the way to her heart

well, memes and food ofc

such a poutine hoe™

sci fi junkie

here for aesthetically pleasing everything

her place is almost never in disorder, oddly enough

quite the party girl, though not the same as when she was a frosh, is able to control herself when there aren’t too many stressors plaguing her

queer af, doesn’t know what her sexuality is but she knows she isn’t straight ( but for all intents and purposes, she’s pansexual )

she just needs someone else to take care of her honestly, she still doesn’t know what she’s doing with herself lmao

trying her best™ to be better in general but change doesn’t happen overnight so she’s not rushing into it, aka she’s still comfortable with being a bit of an asshole for as long as possible

you sometimes won’t know who she is from one day to the next, kind of the personification of a wild ride

so that’s kiran, if you’d like to plot just hmu or like this and i’ll come to you !! i’ll link some possible connections later bc my laptop’s about to die and i can’t find the charger anywhere ? @my mom, pls stop moving my stuff, it’s giving me more heart palpitations than my econ final last month