angelreys-blog

[angelreys-blog]

Change...it's inevitable.

Life is a guarantee of only one thing....change. It seems we are always experiencing some form of it whether in relationships, employment, finances, living conditions, etc. In some of these cases we want and crave change and it seems to come slow. Other change comes unexpected and is sadly often tragic or traumatic. But change comes none the less. In fact, some life changes we have actually named. Menopause is known as "the change" for women and "mid-life crisis" for men. Yes, I believe men go through menopause. Lol! When all of our children leave the house, which is a huge adjustment in the world of change, we call that "empty nest". Of course the hardest changes are those that involve relationships and finances.

Friends come and go, only few are lifelong, if we have the privilege of experiencing a life long friend. Sometimes family or those we deem family separate themselves in some way or another, sometimes through divorce, and ironically sometimes through marriage. Other times it is just due to life taking people in different directions or those people trying to figure out the direction of their life; whatever the case...change will come and how we deal with those changes has a great deal to do with the core of our charcter as a human being, the growth or deterioration of that character.

The last couple years in my own life have been the most challenging I have ever faced in my adulthood. My life was introduced to financial disaster, loss of loved ones, friends, businesses, credit, our credibility, and sadly whatever good reputation we had because people judge based only on what they see right in front of them or worse what they hear from others. What we had worked to build over years was lost in what seemed like a moment. A loss so great for us as it involved every aspect of our lives. It hasn't just been financial in losing our businesses, income, and properties, including our home. We lost friends that were family to us. We saw separation within our immediate family. We walked through an immediate family member recieve a diagnosis of cancer and within a few months was gone. It was all incredibly devastating.

I had never felt more alone in life and many times asked God to let me die because I couldn't figure out how to overcome this life-altering place I was in. At that time we lived in a town that printed everything in the paper and to put it mildly we were a weekly occurance due to the lawsuits from the downfall of my husbands company. We tried to sell whatever we could, pay what we could, but ultimatley the debt was so large we couldn't seem to make a dent. The downfall of my husband's business and the people it hurt nearly destroyed him. He went into a dark place that I didn't know he would ever escape from. He wanted to drown out the voices, the death threats, the bill collectors, and the loss he couldn't fix. Our marriage nearly ended and frankly I don't really know how we were able to survive except for the love and grace of God.

I found myself hiding away rarely ever leaving the house unless it was absolutely necessary. I would pray I didn't see anyone because I couldn't take hearing another person tell me they saw our names in the paper again with their judgement and disdain. Not that they intended to be hurtful, or most anyway, they didn't understand how awful it had been and any reminder of it only threw me backwards. Only a few people actually took the time to find out the whole story, most just believed whatever they read or whatever someone else told them. The hardest part was that most of those who were Believers with us never reached out with any form of real help or advice even when we sought it. I saw a side of Christiandome that I hope I can be part of changing.

It seemed when we were doing well we were accepted, supported, help was more then available. When our world fell apart it was as if we had leprosy and everyone scattered. I am not talking about one church in particular. We knew people that attended several different churches. I'm talking about the church as a whole. I am not angry or bitter. I even somewhat understand because I used to behave the same way before this to some degree. Not that I realized it then but certainly do now.

We had only God and some small shred of hope that we had some kind of fight left in us.

Now, a couple years later, still walking through the aftermath of it all as we face the only choice we had left to attempt to rebuild our lives; we see so many things we could not see until healing began.

We don't blame "the church" or those Christians who chose to judge rather than to help. They were just following the examples set before them that sadly teaches when your doing we'll God is blessing you and when your not it must be because your disobedient. Though I realize my situation is not fully comparable to Job's, and though I cannot claim that we didn't make some mistakes and bad choices along the way, I certainly have an understanding about how he must have felt that I didn't have before. I have also found that I am certainly less likely to assume whats happening in someones life than I once was, which I am truly grateful for. God allowed this for a purpose and my part in all of it is to take responsibility of my own behaviors, actions, and decisions. For me to learn and grow and use it to help others. Especially those in similiar situations reminding them they are not alone.

I cannot know what is yet to come or how all of this will work out but my God does. This has not turned me from Him but has pressed me into a deeper place with Him. I could be angry because He could have stopped all this but He never promised me a wonderful life on earth. Yes, he did say we would have life abundantly but that is very different than comfort and ease though sometimes He does allow us those pleasures. However, the definition of abundant is actually this...existing or available in large quantities; plentiful. I don't believe Jesus was talking about money and comfort here but instead he was talking about Himself. That He is available to those who believe in Him and call on His name and accept with thier whole heart that He is the life, the truth, and the only way to God, the Father. He was saying that with Him at our side, no matter what we face, we will have life abundantly because of the inner joy only He can provide. That peace passes all understanding. In fact, He told us that in this world we will have trouble but not to worry because He conquered the world. He is the abundance, not what the world has to offer.

He has shown me there is so much good in all of this hardship and loss. These irreplaceable understandings and lessons that are priceless. Without this dark place my character could not have further developed positively, my faith would not have been rooted deeper, and my eyes could not have been given a greater depth of vision to see hardship differently.

Here's my conclusion...

Don't assume...if you want to know ask but only if you want to know because you truly care about the well being of the person your asking. Otherwise it is just for the sake of gossip.

If you are afraid to ask but genuinely want to help, don't speak what you don't know but instead pray fervently for God's will in the life of whomever you are praying for or whatever situation you are praying over.

If you are the one going through a great hardship, let yourself feel but don't give yourself that permission without also being in the Word to help guide you through it. The enemy will always use our dark places to attempt to turn us against God. We must guard ourselves.

If you are facing a situation you cannot fix, especially one that has caused hardship for others, you have to decide to trust that God is fixing it in His time. We do not often understand God's ways and He reminds us of that when He says in the Word...My ways are not your ways and my thoughts are not your thoughts. God never allows something that won't end up benefitting many. Whatever He is teaching you through your situation, He is using to teach whomever has been effected what He wants them to learn as well. Trust in His timing even when others talk about you, say you have no right to do God's work or even proclaim to be a Believer. Don't ever forget they said those same things about our Savior and He reminds us in His Word that we are not greater than our Master. So stand firm and walk out the path God has you on however long it may take to make things right.

Lend a hand. When you see someone hurting, no matter what you may feel, take them for coffee or dinner. Make them laugh or simply listen and then pray with them right there. We all need to hear and feel those prayers so don't be afraid to be bold in that. It is truly the most encouraging and uplifting thing we can do for one another.

Even if you disagree with someones opinion, don't argue. If what they seem to believe doesn't line up with the Word and they claim to be a Christian ask them how often they read the Word. Most of the time they aren't reading and studying it. Being in church and listening to a preacher or listening to other preachers, speakers, or teachers is not listening to God. God is our teacher first. Everyone else should simply be confirmation of what God is teaching us and if they aren't, stop listening! Encourage others in love to read what the actual writer Himself wrote. Even if its only two verses a day to start. Then pray over them every time you think of them.

Lastly, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. We live in a world that screams...ITS ALL ABOUT ME! ME! ME! Thats not what Jesus taught us. Attempt to put yourself in someone elses place. Get to know them and learn a bit about where they come from and what they have walked through and you might find yourself surprised at how understanding someone can change your perception.

There it is again...change. It may be inevitable but how we respond to it often holds more power and influence than we can understand.

Learn from every situation and change well.

[angelreys-blog]

"Sometimes we need to understand that we don't always need to understand."

- ARey

[angelreys-blog]

Forgiveness

I have often heard it said that forgiving others is more for our own well being than that of those we either need to forgive or need to ask forgiveness of. This is a truth in situations when we have genuinely humbled ourselves to seek it or to give it for our request to only be ignored or denied. That is when this truth needs to become real in our lives. But what about when it doesn't seem to happen? When we can't truly forgive though we said we did. When we can't truly recieve though we wanted too?

Humility is the key ingredient in any form of forgiveness whether giving or recieving. We cannot genuinely forgive or be forgiven without it but because we lack understanding of this it leaves us to wonder why our soul struggles with the peace we so desire. We also disregard the possibility that we may be seeking forgiveness in all the wrong places.

Often times we don't realize our anger is not with others but with oursleves. We are all too often our own worst enemies. As we try to work our way through our forest of feelings we see everything and everyone else in our lives without a thought to ourselves, to how we see ourselves, or frankly how we treat ourselves. Have you ever felt as if you were trying to let go of something, giving it to God over and over only to still be holding it? You might want to clear your thoughts and ask God to let you see YOU. What you find might surprise you but may be the realization you need to allow you to forgive yourself and finally release whatever your holding to God bringing that peace you have been longing for.

[angelreys-blog]

There are always two sides to every story. We often forget that and just take whatever we have been told as the truth leaving us to make assumptions, judgments, and decisions about people with only some of the information and many times with incorrect information. We believe those telling us because we trust them yet we have no idea how they came to know the information; how reliable and trustworthy their sources are and we literally create a cause and effect in someone's life because of it. It happens everywhere. In the workplace, schools, and sadly in our churches. Justice has taken a backseat to gossip because we so easily forget that there are two sides to every story.