#and as may be evident from my recent blogging i finally got into star wars in early 2022

[pussymasterdooku]

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[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey Steph, really adore your blog. I saw your ask about s3 and s4 John and his anger. do you have any pics that deal with that? I think his anger is caused by his jealousy. he loves Sherlock and is deeply insecure about S's love for him. I'd love to find some fics that actually deal with all of that. thank you. x

Hey Nonny!!

I DO!!! Been waiting for another ask to finally get this list up and out! Hope you find something you enjoy on this one! <3

ANGRY / CRANKY JOHN

See also:

Jealous John b/c of Other People

Jealous John

Jealous John Pt. 2 and Jealous Sherlock Pt 2 

Jealous John Pt 3 and Jealous Sherlock Pt 3 

Jealous John and Sherlock Pt. 4 

Jealous John and Sherlock Pt. 5

Texts and Tea by JillianWatson1058 (K, 959 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Texting, Humour, Fluff, POV John, Cranky John) – A John who is woken up at 2:30 in the morning is not a happy John. Sherlock, frankly, doesn’t care. He just wants his tea.

And, Usually, He's the One Who GIVES Me a Headache by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 1,315 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, POV John, Cranky John, Headaches, Head Massage) – A migraine is never fun.

Hallucinations can't open doors by Bespectacled dreamer (K+, 1,330 w., 1 Ch. || Reunion, Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Hallucinations, John’s Wedding, Light Humour) – In which John gets married and Sherlock gets a broken nose.

The 3x John Carried Sherlock, and Once ViceVersa by ShinkonoKokoro (K+, 1,673 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Friendship, Three and One, BAMF John, Sherlock Whump, Worried Sherlock, John Gets Shot) – It happens more than he suspects.

Baskerville After Dark by Ttime42 (T, 1,921 w., 1 Ch. || THoB, Friendship, Humor, Bed Sharing, Missing Scenes, Cranky John, Cuddles) – John and Sherlock have to share a bed at Baskerville. Gen, but can be preslash.

Stay by sussexbound (M, 2,067 w., 1 Ch. || Post TAB, Suicidal Ideation Mention, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, Love Confessions, Frottage, Coming in Pants) –  “Why? Why did you do it? Hmm…?” He takes a deep breath, waits, lets it out again. “Look at me.” There’s no denying him when he takes this tone. “Why did you kill him? Hmm…? For her? After…” A muscle twitches in the corner of John’s eye, and he clamps his jaw down tightly, swallows and sniffs a little before continuing. “For her? After everything she’s done?” “For you.” Before he can even stop himself. Just like that.

Denial Isn’t Just a River in Egypt by satanatemycat (T, 2,107 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Texting, Bored/Cranky Sherlock) – In which John makes a bet with a co-worker. If he wins, she shuts up about him and Sherlock being a couple. If he loses… well, that doesn’t matter, because he won’t lose. Because he and Sherlock ARE NOT a couple. Right?

Nothing Left Untouched by ForeverShippingJohnlock (K+, 2,617 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Romance, Bed Sharing, Oblivious Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Grumpy John, Fluff and Cuddles) – Sherlock rearranges the flat. So what if John's bedroom is now a research library. It's not like John needs a bedroom, he can share with Sherlock. They're friends and John has obviously slept in close quarters with men before and it's not like Sherlock sleeps much anyway. It'll be fine.

Those Days by StillWaters1 (T, 2,663 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD / Sensory Attacks, Caring Sherlock) – If Sherlock had danger nights, then these were John's danger days.

Extraordinary by ardenteurophile (T, 2,739 w., 7 Ch. || Angst, Pining, Romance, Second Person POV Sherlock, Pre-Slash) – Sherlock tries to understand his preoccupation with one Doctor John Watson - the one case he can never solve.

BBCSH 'The Comfort of Company' by tigersilver (T, 2,769 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF/Mary, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Bed Sharing, Grumpy John, Touching, Clingy/Handsy Sherlock, Cranky Sherlock, Fluff and Light Angst) – It's a trope that John and Sherlock end up sharing in the same bed eventually and I admit I do adore it unconditionally, along with all it infers as to the lowering of defenses and the heightening of trust. I put forth for your consideration that the notion persists because those who think about these things realize these two men are each in dire need of some good company.

Unquantifiable by 221b_hound (M, 2,799 w. 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Grumpy John, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Pet Names, Texting, Sweet Sherlock, Princess Bride References) – John remains a terrible and foul-tempered patient, but he does try to make up for it with pet names and text message silliness. In the meantime, Sally Donovan visits Baker Street for a hint about the Milverton case, and has to deal with a Sherlock Holmes who can't find words big enough to thank her for saving John's life at the warehouse. For afters, there's a viewing of The Princess Bride. Part 33 of the Unkissed series

Bathroom Accessories by Evenlodes_Friend (E, 3,324 w., 1 Ch. || Sex Toys, Butt Plug, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Horny Sherlock, John’s Patience Wears Thin, Humour, Bottomlock) – John discovers that Sherlock has been playing with some very adult toys in the bath.

After the Bombs by VampirePam (T, 3,337 w., 2 Ch. || THoB AU, Drugs, John’s PTSD, Panic Attack, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – In which the drugs Sherlock used to dose John trigger a severe episode of PTSD. When terrors old and new cause John to fall apart, Sherlock must rectify his mistake and pick up the pieces.

Breakfast, acronyms and brotherhood by Rose de Sharon (K+, 4,074 w., 1 Ch. || TBB Fic, Friendship/Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Protective John, Fluff) – Set after The Blind Banker: my take of Sherlock and John's conversation over breakfast. S/J friendship, bromance, no slash.

Afghanistan in Baskerville by Amaya Ramiel (K+, 4,357 w., 1 Ch. || THoB Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drugged John, PTSD / Panic Attack, Hallucinations, Worried Sherlock, John’s Past, Friendship) – What if John hadn't seen the hound when Sherlock trapped him in the lab? What if instead, his very real nightmares of the war had materialized all around him? Trapped and drugged, John can't tell what's real and what's not. How will Sherlock react?

What John Doesn't Know (Won't Hurt Him) by blueink3 (NR [T], 4,392 w., 1 Ch, || S3 Fix It, Pining Sherlock, Snippets of Life, Hurt/Comfort, Scars, Fluff and Angst, Five and One, Hopeful Ending, POV Sherlock) – Five people who see Sherlock's scars before John Watson. But Sherlock's secrets were never something he could keep from his blogger for long.

Overture by Kate_Lear (M, 4,435 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Angry John, Introspection, Dev. Rel., Embarassed / Insecure Sherlock, Morning After, Bed Sharing, Cuddles / Limpet Sherlock) – A short snippet on how John and Sherlock might have got together.

When Your Belly's in the Trench by Morgan_Stuart (T, 4,743 w., 1 Ch. || PTSD, Character Study, Rescue, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Torture, Trauma, Danger, Drama, Kidnapping/Captivity) – The next time that door opens, John Watson will kill the person on the other side.

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 5,034 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

This Year by DiscordantWords (T, 6,283 w., 2 Ch. || TEH Divergence / No Mary, New Year’s Eve, John’s A Mess, Jealous John, Awkward Conversations, Trapped in a Closet, Estranged After Return, John POV, Semi-Reunion, Angry John, First Kiss, Reconciliation, Clueless Sherlock, Happy Ending) – Last year, Sherlock Holmes showed up at the Landmark with a fake moustache and a bad French accent and threw John's entire life into disarray with two words: "Not dead." This year, there are more surprises in store.

An Interpretation of Viewing Habits by akitsuko (E, 6,653 w., 1 Ch. || Porn Watching, Masturbation, Anal, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Declarations of Love, Jealous Sherlock, Fantasizing, John in Denial / Internalized Homophobia, Bottomlock, Pining Idiots, Sherlock Has No Boundaries, Cockblocking Sherlock) – John watches porn. It's a perfectly normal thing to do.If every video he watches happens to feature actors with remarkable physical similarities to his flatmate, well, that's no one's business but his own. Or: John is in denial, until his infatuation with Sherlock is impossible to deny anymore.

BANG by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 7,016 w., 3 Ch. || Post-TGG AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Worried / Scared Sherlock, Alternating POV, Whump, Hospital Recovery, Open Ending) – 'I should warn you,' Sherlock says, his voice steady and his eyes fixed on Moriarty. 'You are sadly misinformed.' And he fires. Prequel to M Is For Moriarty

Stranded by BeautifulFiction (T, 5, 798 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, Communication / Relationship Discussion, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, BAMF John, Doctor John, Case Fic, Drinking, Huddling For Warmth, Friends to More) –  When stranded on a derelict barge at high tide, John and Sherlock reconsider their friendship.

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalize Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident", it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

Shuteye Shenanigans by Ayakae (K+, 13,263 w., 8 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Epic Bromance, John’s Nightmares, Angsty Fluff, Bed Sharing, Humour, Cuddles, Taking Care of Each Other, Domestics) – John Watson has never slept with Sherlock Holmes. Never ever ever. And never will, thank you very much. Well, there was that one time, but John didn't count that. It was completely different, just like the second time it happened. And the third. And the fourth. Epic bromance, but it can be read as pre-slash if you wish.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination?, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

A Quiet Life by DiscordantWords (M, 25,176 w., 6 Ch. || Post S4, Retirement, POV Sherlock, Awkwardness, Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Minor Character Death, Questionable Parenting Choices, Non-Linear Narrative, 20 Year Old Rosie, Meddling Mycroft, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Angst, Sherlock Whump) – There had been three days of silence and a funeral. Sherlock had the terrible feeling that whatever happened next would depend, entirely, on him.

To Mend Icarus by AlessNox (T, 28,347 w., 14 Ch. || Post-TRF / Pre-S3 Divergence, BAMF John, Anger, Fighting, Sex, Bed Sharing, Stalking, Case Fic, John’s Past, Introspection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Crime, Mythology, Darkness) – After a case lands John Watson in court, he tells Sherlock that he is leaving. Not understanding why, Sherlock decides that the only way to learn the truth is to investigate his flatmate, Dr. John Watson. Sherlock finds that coming back is not enough to fix all of the damage that he caused by leaving. A post Reichenbach, post reunion re-discovery fic.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w., 9 Ch. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w., 68 Ch. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case ... and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

Inscrutable to the Last by DiscordantWords (M, 48,842 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Alternate S3, John’s Blog/S3 is a Story By John, Divorce, Marital Difficulties, John is a Mess, Emotional Reunion, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Grief / Mourning, Pining John, First Kiss, Adorably Clueless Sherlock, Nostalgia, Love Confessions, Eventual Happy Ending) – He wasn't Sherlock, he couldn't work miracles. All he'd ever been able to do was write about them.

Impossible to Feign by achray (M, 49,204 w., 12 Ch. || TRF Rewrite / Reverse Reichenbach, Suicidal Ideations / Discussions, Drug Use/Abuse, Mutual Pining, Friends With Benefits, John Accepts his Sexuality, Anxious Sherlock, Meddling Mycroft, Depression, Hallucinations, Secret Agent John, BAMF John, Reunion, Make-Up Sex, Ambiguous Ending) – Sherlock leant forward, his long fingers curving round to grip John’s.“I won’t let him win,” he said, eyes hard. “I will do whatever it takes to get you out.”

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

The Hollow Woman by ScopesMonkey (M, 51,335 w., 22 Ch. || Post-TRF, Major Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Friendship, Family, Angst, Crime, Reunion, First Kiss / Time, Nightmares, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Jealous John, BAMF John, Angry John, Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Villain Mary, Open Ending) – Forced to return to London sooner than expected, Sherlock falls into a case too close to home. Part 1 of the Hollowverse series

A Goose Quill Dipped in Venom by Polyphony (M, 52,748 w., 16 Ch. || Celebrity John AU || Alternate First Meeting, TV Host John, Supermodel Mary, Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Case Fic, First Kiss/Time, Meddling Mycroft, Drug Abuse, Doctor John, PDA, Deductions, POV Sherlock, Toplock, Sexual Tension, Angry/Rough Sex, Hopeful Ending, Asperger’s Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, is called in to a very ordinary although brutal murder. Something is badly out of tune with the whole scenario and Sherlock finds himself becoming more and more obsessed with the crime - and also with the victim.

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w., 18 Ch. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV, Light Humour, Reconnecting, Declarations of Love) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets,  Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love,  Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock, John Separated From His Child) ��� About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w., 27 Ch. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship's surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there's more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin' the eye, he has to choose... is it a pirate's life for him?

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton  (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic / Meta Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Demisexual Sherlock, Holmes Family, John Whump, Gay Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Drug Addiction, Parenting, TFP is a Nightmare, Virgin Sherlock, Slow Burn, Minor Character Death, Switchlock, John’s Past, Sherlock’s Past, Eurus, Love Confessions) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[precise-desolation]

[[Okay, guys.  I am slowly, slowly working my way through drafts.  I’ve been mostly over on my Doctor Who blogs lately.  What with the reveal of the Thirteenth Doctor’s actress (yes, actress; I am excited) and with having finally watched Scream of the Shalka recently, I’ve kind of thrown myself headlong back into that fandom.  I haven’t consistently watched the show since sometime in undergrad.  Mostly because I didn’t get BBCA, but also because I just got so fed up with Eleven and his companions who were puzzles rather than people that I didn’t feel like making the effort to keep up anymore. 

And I am very long-winded and also a huge Whovian, so I will put the rest of my rambling under a read-more.

But my roommate and I are watching New Who (we started with Nine because he’d never seen any Doctor Who) and Twelve has given me hope.  Watching Clara change when she was with Twelve verses when she was with Eleven is like night and day.  Takes a few episodes, but it’s like “Wow, you’re actually a human being with actual flaws and strengths and feelings and not just an enigma with no personality.”  I do rather agree with the theory that Peter Capaldi came in and led a revolt and somewhere along the lines they just tied Moffat up and shoved him in a broom closet, because the writing did basically a complete 180.  It still has its issues, to be sure, but it’s amazing the differences.

I’ve also, as I said, watched Scream of the Shalka finally.  It’s part of the Doctor Who Extended Universe (or EU) and hails from the time after the movie but before New Who when BBC was almost certain they would never get the show back on air.  Their solution?  The internet.  It’s this very short six part flash animated story arc featuring a new Doctor and Master.  Of course, if you’re familiar with the movie, the Master dies at the end.  But more specifically, he falls into the Eye of Harmony, which is basically the heart of the TARDIS.  That bit is important.  And then at the very end of the movie, the Eighth Doctor receives a message about a war between the Time Lords and the Daleks and returns to Gallifrey to lend whatever aid he can.

Of course, that movie was supposed to bring the show back on air.  (I remember my dad losing it over that.  Have I mentioned I was raised by utter nerds?)  But it just kinda... didn’t.  That was the only thing Eight ever appeared in on screen until Night of the Doctor, the short prequel to the 50th anniversary special, Day of the Doctor.  A full seventeen years later.  (Although they did do another flash animated short featuring the Eighth Doctor around the same time as Scream of the Shalka.)  Now, this was back in the day before YouTube.  Yes, there was an internet before YouTube.  We had things like NewGrounds and Albino Black Sheep.  Which featured a shitton of flash animated videos.  I remember this because I am old.  But in keeping up with the tech of the day, they flash animated these arcs.  Which can make them a bit odd to watch if you aren’t used to that.

Scream of the Shalka, though...  It introduced the first Ninth Doctor and a new version of the Master.  This iteration was later replaced in the primary canon by Christopher Eccleston’s Ninth Doctor when New Who started.  There are some striking similarities in the two, but also a world of difference.  Eccleston’s Nine was very much a soldier who had seen too much of war.  That was true, too, of Shalka Nine.  However, the Shalka Doctor was much, much closer in characterization to the Classic Who Doctors.  I think the only New Who Doctor who has come even remotely close is Twelve, but even there the differences between Old and New are steep.  There’s a huge difference, too, in the characterization of the Master between Old and New Who.  Again, I’d say the closest to the Classic Who characterization is Missy.  So it probably doesn’t come as a surprise that the dynamic between Twelve and Missy is also the closest to the dynamic between the Master and Doctor of Classic Who out of all the Masters and Doctors of New Who.  But the Shalka Doctor and Master retain that very definite “best frienemies” sort of relationship.  They act like an old married couple, assuming that married couple consists of a psychopath who enjoys making the other’s day miserable in tiny, petty ways and also occasionally poisoning their food and a put-upon “responsible” partner who runs around the universe cleaning up the other’s messes.

So some of the things I’ve mentioned earlier should make it no surprise that I grew up on Classic Who reruns.  My father actually wanted to name me after one of the Fifth Doctor’s companions, that is the extent to which this has been involved in my life.  I watched primarily Four and Six growing up, but did see bits and pieces of the others.  And one thing I have always loved is the relationship between the Doctor and Master.  It’s dysfunctional as all hell and most definitely not healthy, but it’s also interesting and oddly charming.  Mostly, I think, for their snark and pettiness over ridiculous things at some times but their genuine concern for one another at others.  And they did care for one another, no matter how disturbing the manner in which that care and affection was expressed.  They had been close friends since childhood, a point which is addressed in both Classic and New Who as well as extensively explored in the EU.  Their relationship was dynamic and layered and interesting to watch unfold.

Scream of the Shalka retains that.  As I said earlier, at the end of the movie, the Master dies by way of falling into the Eye of Harmony.  The heart of the TARDIS.  The TARDIS is no ordinary ship, though.  It’s sentient.  It is essentially a living, intelligent being that grows and changes and expresses opinions and makes decisions.  It just also happens to be a bio-mechanical entity.  And it exists across all of space and time simultaneously, which is how it’s able to travel the way it does.  So basically what you have, then, is a living mobile supercomputer.  Another detail about Time Lords is that when they die, their consciousness is uploaded into a huge database, called the Matrix.  (No, I could not make that up if I tried.)  Time Lord technology.  So it stands to reason that if Time Lords can upload their consciousness into what amounts to a really advanced computer data base, then a sentient supercomputer of a species that has co-evolved with and been heavily influenced by Time Lords would be able to do the same thing.  This is why the manner of the Master’s death is significant.  He fell into the heart of the TARDIS.  His physical body would have been destroyed, as the Eye of Harmony is basically a star trapped in an endless sate of decay.  But I see no reason why his consciousness, which basically amounts to electrical impulses, couldn’t have been uploaded by the TARDIS.

So if he was destroyed, how is he present?  Well, that’s not terribly clear.  You see, all we really have, at least in a film format, of the Shalka Doctor and Master is six, fifteen minute episodes.  Not a whole lot of time for backstory.  However, two things are revealed that are extremely significant.  The first is that the Doctor is apparently not able to travel freely.  Someone - ostensibly the Gallifreyan High Counsel, since it’s not addressed whether or not Gallifrey survived the war in this timeline and the Doctor was living as a fugitive prior to the war - seems to be controlling or limiting his and his TARDIS’s ability to move within the Time Vortex, just based on his dialogue.  So he is seemingly a prisoner in his own TARDIS.  That does make the Master’s presence make more sense.  Evidently, at some point the Doctor was either so desperate for company or missed his friend so badly that he built an android fashioned after the Master.  (He appears to be a blend of Delgado and Jacobi.)  One would have to assume, then, that he was also able to download the Master’s consciousness from the TARDIS into the android.  Now, the Doctor is many things, but an idiot is not one of them.  Letting the Master back out to roam the universe, this time in a body made of circuitry rather than soft, vulnerable flesh, would be a terrible mistake.  The Doctor may be fond of the Master, perhaps even love him, but he is also aware that the Master is dangerous.  Because of this, he has fail-safes built in that don’t allow him to leave the TARDIS and that give the Doctor the ability to switch him off if need be.

And if you’re wondering, I do have good reason for thinking all of these things.  As far as the Doctor and Master’s relationship, when the Master is first introduced in Scream of the Shalka, he tells Alisha that “I pride myself that I am the dearest companion of the owner of this craft.”  Fast forward to New Who and we have a scene where Missy gifts the Twelfth Doctor a legion of cybermen so that they can conquer the universe together.  The Tenth Doctor tries to get the Master to abandon his scheming and run away with him to see the universe together.  Their close, if horrendously fucked up, relationship is a well documented fact of the Whoniverse.

And then there’s the situation with the Doctor’s ability to travel and with the Master’s reappearance as an android.  In one of the first scenes of Shalka, the Doctor is seen seemingly shouting at the sky that “I won’t do it!”  It’s worth noting that at this point he doesn’t even know what “it” is.  He basically walked out of his TARDIS, went ‘this is not the time/place I was looking for,’ and then declares he won’t do it.  “It” ends up being saving humanity.  Again.  As to the Master, given what we know of Time Lord tech, the nature of TARDISes, and the manner of his most recent death, it’s really the only logical answer.

And I don’t even remember where I was going with all of this, but it’s a quarter to 3am.  So I am going to go sleep now before I ramble for another two pages or so.]]

[allofuspeople]

#14: Paul 

This light and lovely conversation took place in Clements, Student’s Union, Belfast

What was your least favourite subject at school and why?

For some reason, I never really got into the sciences. Like I… dunno what it is. I’d probably say amongst them probably math… I always kind of struggled with math, but it was rather simplified until I got to GCSE and they started adding a lot of stuff and I was really there to help the teacher with any simple marking mistakes on the chalkboard, but when it came to me like doing the math I was peering over everybody’s paper to see how the hell they got from A to B. But I never really liked sciences because… I don’t know, I just never really to get into it. My biggest mistake would probably be doing biology in AS, because even though I did drop it in November, I would be sitting there for half an hour trying to do my homework and still be stuck on question one going ‘what is going on?’ [laughs] It’s a nightmare. I don’t think I was too bad at Physics-- I can’t remember that far back-- but sciences were just not my greatest subject.

What did you love when you were twelve?

I haven’t got memories as far back as when I was twelve… I think when I was about twelve-- this may be a bit stereotypical of a guy-- but I got my first xbox, 360, and I fell in love with the game Oblivion. Like, it’s a really interesting game-- I won’t go too far into it because I don’t think you’d like to write a whole… But I just loved playing it, it was the first game I 100 percented because… It was just-- I’d never really played RPGs and the only RPGs people were playing at that time were Final Fantasy and all that other stuff, and even Kingdom Hearts-- even then I wasn’t really heavily interested. But from the moment I picked up the controller and started playing as the Prisoner in the Imperial Fleet and ended up becoming the Hero of Kvatch, and all these other titles, I just fell in love with being able to be like… unstoppable, a true powerhouse. It was fun, I absolutely adored that game, really wish they’d remastered that… instead of Skyrim.

What’s your favourite film?

Ooohh… That’s a tough one. Um… I really can’t pin it down to one film. There’s a lot of franchises I love; like of course Harry Potter, Star Wars, those are-- even though I like poking holes in them, because they’re quite easy to poke holes in-- I do love them. I guess I love a lot of films because considered more ‘meme’ films; like Ghost Rider, I really love the concept of it. I don’t know what it is, I just love watching it. I love the concept. Like even though it wasn’t the best representation of a character and probably will never be the best representation of that character, there’s something-- I don’t know, there’s something simple in me that just loves to watch it and laugh at it. That’s the thing; I’ve got really bad taste, so I can’t really say what’s a good film, while people are going ‘really?’ Like, for example; I’ve never really… I don’t think I’ve watched the first Godfather yet; I’ve seen the second and the third ones. But again… I don’t know, for a while I liked the third one, it’s entertaining that’s the whole thing, I just look for the entertainment value.

I really can’t pin down a favourite number one film. Like recently, I probably would say it might be one of the Marvel films before Civil War. Again, I did love Ant-Man; it had its issues but it took a character and had fun with it. The whole training montage is just-- it wasn’t super serious, hours upon hours in the gym, lifting hundred-pound barbells or whatever, sprinting along the Alps or whatever. It was just a man, running into a door again and again and again and again, until he got it right. And it was just like… I don’t know, something simple like that appeals to me. When I sit down to watch a film, I just want to be entertained, that’s really it.

Who do you look up to?

I don’t want to be stereotypical but I’d probably say my dad. He… didn’t have the easiest life. I’m not saying he’s like been beaten down every single time, but you know, the man worked to get what he wanted and he did. Dublin-born, moved up north with his dad when he was about… Three, I think it was? And, uh, at such a dangerous time in the Troubles with a very Catholic sounding name, he managed to get involved with a lot of people who were very helpful to him-- who probably would’ve in any other occasion done one of those awful things they generally do to people from the other side. My dad never really has had any privileges and despite the fact he’s been … he did a lot of political work and worked in the civil service and-- mainly because, when he married my mum, again we weren’t from the richest family and so my dad had to put something on the table to fend for us. And he’s done that every single step of the way. I admire that, that utter determination; when there’s a goal set ahead of him, something he has to do, he does it no questions asked.

What do you think will be proved a lie in the next 10 years?

Huh… I definitely think that the lie or the myth that we are the only ones in our galaxy. Again, there’s a lot of people who say there’s ‘potential’ life-- again that’s potential, there’s no real… even if it’s people saying ‘oh there’s microbes, there’s life outside of earth.’ I’m sitting there like; a bit more exciting? We all have this idea of either it’s an alien invasion or either it’s something like Roswell, you see something… I just think within the next ten years something will finally come out and be like ‘OK, it’s definite we aren’t alone in the universe’ and we’re not talking about a couple of wee tiny microscopic things we can barely even conceive in a planet ten light years away from us, compared to like, I don’t know, something grander I guess? A walking lifeform. Again, hopefully not walking like War of the Worlds walking, where it sort of goes a bit downhill for us, but some sort of proof, you know, real evidence that we’re not just stuck here, it’s just one wee planet out of thousands and thousands and thousands it’s just-- we’re here. I don’t think that makes sense.

I’d be happy if there were aliens. I’d be happier if they weren’t sitting there with a giant gun aimed at our faces and going ‘You have 5 seconds to comply.’

One of my favourite things about alien films is we always have to put them with some kind of agenda; either the aliens are completely and absolutely peaceful-- they come down and they earnestly want to be peaceful with us, they honestly want to live among us, they honestly want to help us-- or they’re the complete opposite; as soon as they see us on the planet, as soon as they see one single heartbeat, they’re like ‘OK we need seven hundred bullet beams, ready to invade them in five seconds.” And I suppose, as ridiculous as it sounds, even shows like Rick and Morty-- it does take a whole look at the alien genre and it’s just kinda more relaxed about it. Like some aliens will kill us, some of them won’t. Some aliens look like these weird praying mantis things which will probably kill us if they were to get another chance, and the others are just big balls of gas that just wanna sing. I kind of prefer that kind of idea of seeing them as opposed to one extreme or the other because if you see them as too peaceful, people will take advantage of that and people will not be prepared for what comes; if you see them as too warlike the moment we face something not looking like a star in the sky I guarantee you at least ten nukes will be launched within one minute as fast as we can.

Do you think you’ve given good answers to these questions?

I think I’ve been giving answers; not necessarily good ones. [laughs[ I hope I have satisfied you at least to some extent.

Whenever you’re held in a public perspective and you’re like-- especially when you’re somebody on a blog, you kind of-- most likely me and everyone else who’s been questioned will be sitting there like, you know, going through and saying ‘ah, I could have said that’ or ‘I don’t think I really should have said that.’ 

But again… it’s just like, I’m never really-- personally I’m never really truly satisfied with answering. Because in the next two or three days later I’ll probably be going like ‘I wonder if we can reschedule another interview, re-answer that one’, you know?

[douchebagbrainwaves]

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT STUDENTS

If you're an inexperienced founder, the only way to escape this empty life was to submit to it. When you first start angel investing. If you want to invest in any good startups. It's not the physical infrastructure of Silicon Valley that makes it sound as if they're committing, but which didn't convert except in a few months. At Harvard that is or was Reading Period, when students have no classes to attend because they're supposed to think. So I've seen a good part of the reason is that to make Leonardo you need more than his innate ability. Then I'm worried. Though a lot of mistakes. Our startup spent its entire marketing budget on PR: at a time till they feel they have the upper hand over investors, if you had a graph in which the upper is written, in which case the interface can be dictated by the upper level. In fact, one strategy I recommend to people who need a new idea.1 But there's more to it than that. The stories that seemed to be most admired were ones in which people have to make it to ramen profitability in a few.2

John Bautista, Trevor Blackwell, David Hornik, Jessica Livingston, Robert Morris, Eric Raymond describes Lisp as something like Latin or Greek—a free implementation, a book, and something to hack—how do you make good stuff? Here, again, language designers are somewhat out of touch with the world. This was too subtle for me. I already have momentum on some project, I realized it would probably have ended up pretty rich even if IBM hadn't happened to drop the PC standard, Microsoft opened up the market to any manufacturer.3 Brevity is always attractive to hackers, a language designer would do well to act as the lead investor.4 We can afford to take more risk you should. You're just looking for something to spark a thought.5 Fortunately for startups, big companies are smart enough yet to admit this to themselves. When you only have a few users you can be in close contact with all of them perhaps, but if we raise a few hundred thousand we can hire one or two smart friends, and if we want to fund more Airbnbs we have to train longer for them.

The worst ideas we see at Y Combinator are from young founders making things they think other people will. But what if you haven't raised any money yet, you probably have an idea. Anti-immigration people say that instead of accepting offers greedily, end up leaving that investor out, you're going to do this well. He was just trying to paint well; he couldn't help painting like Michelangelo. I wouldn't. If I remember correctly, the most you'd want to raise is 20 x $15k x 18 $5. But as happened with Apple, by the time I never tried to separate my wants and weigh them against one another. Cobol and hype Ada, Java also play a role like the role relaxation plays in having ideas. So much for hockey as the game is played now. One can imagine evolutionary reasons for that. Just have a gentlemen's agreement.

A rounds. A lot of them try to make them your own. Just a teacher? Since software patents are no different from hardware patents, people who apply to Y Combinator don't generally have much money, and partly because startups early on need frequent feedback from their users to tweak what they're doing. One of the weirdest things about Yahoo when I went to, the focus of rebellion was drug use, specifically marijuana. Steve Wozniak built the computer that became the Apple I, he felt obliged to give his then-employer Hewlett-Packard the option to produce it. There are lots of surprises for individual startups too, and they have sex. As indeed they often are. Mihalko, made that year something his students still talk about, thirty years later. So if the ease of shipping software, we'd see a lot more people investing tens or hundreds of thousands.

If feeling you're going to fail makes you stop working, that practically guarantees you'll fail. I feel a bit stupid saying that, because when you're saying something that Richard Stallman and Bill Gates would probably have something to read.6 In 1995 it was hard to imagine something that could be turned into a startup. It's easy. In our school it was eighth grade, which was ages twelve and thirteen for me. There are three reasons. If your numbers grow significantly between two investor meetings, investors will be hot to close, and if we want to keep them fed, and as far as I know all too well from being in the business of trying to be artistic resort to swooshes and curlicues. It's hard for us to be up to our chins in failure all the time, instead of being dragged sideways into a discussion of price.7 To us that's positive evidence an idea is good.8 Reality can be messier. Intelligence has become increasingly important relative to wisdom because there is usually a lead investor who negotiates the terms with the startup.9

This happens in intellectual as well as moral questions. They didn't foresee the expansion of this idea.10 We're in a business where we need to be able to. I'm going to give you a termsheet. The view of history we got in elementary school was a crude hagiography, with at least one representative of each powerful group. Get introductions to investors. Established ones have learned to treat saying yes as like diving off a diving board, and they won't even dare to take on ambitious projects.11 Puberty finally arrived; I became a decent soccer player; I started a company to put art galleries online. But they were expensive compared to what they were worth it. So it is with design.

Notes

Part of the leading edge of technology, companies building lightweight clients have usually tried to unload it on buyer after buyer. 99, and many of the markets they serve, because you can't avoid doing sales by hiring sufficiently qualified designers.

The facts about Apple's early history are from an angel.

In part because Steve Jobs did for Apple when he was otherwise unoccupied, to buy corporate bonds to market faster; the trend has been decreasing globally. Though nominally acquisitions and sometimes on a map.

I write out loud at least a partial order. Incidentally, this would work so hard to grasp the distinction between them generate a lot of investors. It's interesting to 10,000 or a blog that tried that.

Microsoft, not all, the less educated parents seem closer to a super-angels will snap up stars that VCs may begin to conserve board seats for shorter periods. It's not a complete bust. This would penalize short comments especially, because it aggregates data from so many trade publications nominally have a single project is a big success or a funding round usually reflects some other contribution by the PR firm. Startups Condense in America consider acting white.

But it's hard to think of the false positives out of just doing things, which are a small company that has a finite market value. Another approach would be improper to name names, while simultaneously implying that you're talking to a company's culture. 5% of Apple now January 2016 would be improper to name names, while Reddit is Delicious/popular with voting instead of just Jews any more than the valuation of an investor makes you a series A round. That wouldn't work if the president faced unscripted questions by giving a press conference.

As I explained in How to Make Wealth when I first met him, but I wouldn't want the first half of the War on Drugs. You should be designed to express algorithms, and wouldn't expect the opposite way from the Dutch not to pay the bills so you could probably improve filter performance by incorporating prior probabilities. And maybe we should remember this when comparing techniques for stopping spam. The Internet worm of its completion in 1969 the largest of their works are lost.

The other extreme—becoming demoralized when investors behave upstandingly too. All you need to do is keep track of statistics for foo overall as well. What you learn in college is much smaller commitment than a tenth as many per capita income in England in 1750 was higher than India's in 1960.

A single point of treason. Even in Confucius's time it still seems to be good at squeezing money out of their times. Earlier versions used a recent Business Week, 31 Jan 2005. Bureaucrats manage to think.

Though in fact had its own momentum. Labor unions were exempted from antitrust laws by the high-fiber diet is to do wrong and hard to predict startup outcomes in which many people mistakenly think it was true that the probabilities of features i.

We tell them to lose less on investments that failed, and are paid a flat rate regardless of the great painters in history supported themselves by painting portraits. No one writing a dictionary from scratch is not too early if it's the right mindset you will find a broad range of topics, comparable in scope to our scholarship though without the methodological implications. The moment I do in a world with antibiotics or air travel or an acquisition for more than whatever collection of qualities helps people make up their minds, they sometimes describe it as a first approximation, it's not the original version of this article used the term literally.

[vileart]

In Defence of Criticism

In a recent twitter conversation, which examined the problems with a specific paragraph in a specific theatre review, the idea came up that the purpose of theatre criticism is to identify the intention of a work and comment on how effectively that had been realised in the production. While I agree that this is the purpose of theatre criticism, I'd like to develop the definition and suggest a few reasons why this might not always be the case.  As a starter, I have to admit that this article will allude to other critics, but I only speak for myself. I am not naming names because it is just my opinion (unpick that, irony fans) and I don't want a flame war with other critics who might feel that any criticism of them is an attempt to make myself look good, which it would be. Above all, I totally agree that the job of the critic is to review work on its own terms. A production of Long Day's Journey into Night does not depend on how hot the main actors are, or whether it is a feminist laugh-fest. A revival of a nineteenth century comedy of manners however, which announces itself as a feminist production, might justifiably be called out if the script has been rewritten by a man. That doesn't necessarily mean it fails as feminist work, but that is problematic. However - the question of whether the artist has clearly expressed their intention is probably the biggest problem. Short of believing every word written in the press release, the intention of a production is mysterious until the final moments of the show. And if the artist messes up, it might be a week later when it becomes evident that the two second appearance of the ghost in the second art actually shifted the entire meaning.  By extension, meaning itself is not simply an iteration of the artist's will. The medium has its own logic that dictate form and content and meaning. The easiest example of this is the political play that condemns the use of alcohol, but has a bar directly outside the auditorium and relies on the audience having a tipple in the interval. But certain genres have a language that will dictate the meaning - tragedy has a hard time with feminism (and I might develop that in a later article, but just trust me for the moment) and may undermine an intended meaning for another.  And intention expressed may not be the only parameter of success: having a character walking about the stage shouting 'this play condemns the Conservative policy on immigration' makes the meaning explicit but fails on the whole 'subtle aesthetic' card. If the artist meant to blunt and obvious, and achieved it, does it matter that the experience of watching the production feels like a trip to the ninth circle?  Then there is the question of the making of meaning: one thing I always feel is that the meaning itself comes from the moment of connection between art object and observer: the audience are co-creators of the experience. This is why I don't believe in objectivity: the critic always brings their personality into a review, because they are part of the creative team - as is every single audience member. It is worth remembering that judging a play is also an act of self-judgement. This might be why the previously mentioned agit-prop drama isn't likely to be much good. The lack of space for interpretation is also a lack of space for engagement with an audience.  There are a few other spanners to throw in the works. What if the work intended to be obnoxious? What if it celebrates values that the reviewer finds objectionable? The Spectator frequently covers works that doesn't fit its conservative ideology. It generally has a crack at it on the grounds of political correctness - and the reviewers enjoy the hatchet-job a bit too much. But what if a play is deliberately racist? Can I say that its expression of the inferiority of Africans is eloquently expounded? And if I don't understand a play - is that the fault of the director or me?  None of these are objections to the fundamental thesis that the purpose of the review is to critique on the terms of the work itself. They just allow a more nuanced appreciation of the process of meaning-making in theatre-criticism. But now to the tough stuff.  The 'opposite' of criticism is a consumer report. This is the reduction of a review to a simple 'is it any good?' without any other nuance. To be fair on the critics, in this case (which is the dominant mode for the review that can get the writer a bit of cash), the intended reader is the reader of the publication in which the review is published. A critic will likely play to the (assumed) prejudices of that demographic. In this context, a writer for The Telegraph won't be recommending the latest issue play about gender inequality (although, imho, the average Telegraph reader could do with seeing it).  The reason for the preponderance of the consumer report is economic: plays and reviews are commodities, caught up in capitalism and attracting money. It cares not for the artistic aspirations of the playwright or choreographer but only for the money. It treats theatre like a washing machine: is this one going to do the job? And so, the review is debased: but why does this happen? Space considerations, the financial value of printing a review: sometimes it might be that the printing of a review is only there to convince the theatre to take out advertising with the magazine, that they give a shit about theatre. But we all know the problems of the printed press: what about the complicity of the theatre community. And. of course: star ratings. Who wants these? It's not the critics - they don't care, as long as they get paid. But once a star rating system is in use, the review will be a justification of the rating. Those reviews that have a three star but read like a four? Bad reviewing.  But who wants star ratings?  Who puts star ratings on their posters? Who uses them as badges of approval? Who takes the fancy quote from an otherwise moribund and ill-considered review and slaps it on the front of the theatre?  Who retweets only the four stars reviews and up, and doesn't mention the well-crafted and thoughtful review that conforms to the principles of good criticism, but doesn't end with hearty approval? But the same time: who is making an active effort to support those critics, like Lorna Irvine, who go out of their way to print their reviews on a blog, and do an amazing job, without pay, without thanks? Who has ever said - I got two stars from Vile, but he is pretty fair about it? Actually, a few people have done this, and they know how they are, and I thank them. I even thank those people who have called me out when I have been a dick about something - especially those who have done it quietly. It's 2017: when was the last time that you chatted to a critic and had a good time?  from the vileblog https://ift.tt/2FGI9H9

[defiancerpg-blog]

Congratulations LAURA, you have been accepted as CEPHEUS, THE KING, with the faceclaim of AVAN JOGIA and the PSYCHOMETRY ability!

Notes from the Admins: Ellie and Tasha:

We really enjoyed reading your app and seeing how you were going to portray Jai. I (Tasha), personally have nothing to complain about with your app. I loved everything about it. And I’m truly a fan of your writing. You just hit every point with your writing, no matter how short or long it was there was nothing lacking. Like Tasha said, I (Ellie) think your app really hit home with who our little genius was in our minds. The answers to the interview are short and sweet and give us a perfect glimpse into Jai’s mind.  I also love your connections and how you touch on his relationship with Daniela and how that also extends to her sister in some ways which is a struggle for him.

You have 48 hours to send in your blog. If you haven’t already joined the group discord then you may do so now (if that’s your wish) [x]. Once you have turned in your blog, you will be given a role that will allow you access to the private channels regarding plots/characters. Please remember to do everything on the checklist, and also we just want to thank you for joining this roleplay. We hope your time with us will be a fun and memorable one!

Jai Tailor Application

OOC Information:

Alias & Pronouns:

Laura

Age:

20

Timezone, Activity Level, & RP Experience:

I’m from GMT+10, My activity fluctuates depending on what’s going on at Uni, but when I don’t have assessments I tend to be on once a day. I’ve been roleplaying for about six years now on tumblr, and you can find an old rp blog here

BASIC IC INFORMATION

Skeleton:

Cepheus – Jai Tailor

Faceclaim:

Avan Jogia, Mahesh Jadu (would require age change to 29), Sidharth Malhotra

Age:

26

Orientation:

Jai identifies as Bi-sexual and aromantic.

Origin:

Salt Lake City, Utah

Nova Type:

Mentis

Ability:

Psychometry: Otherwise known as token object reading. Jai has the ability to extract an objects entire history, the hands that have held it, the places it has been left, those who have claimed ownership over it. His parents described it as him transporting himself into the essence of an object, removed from time or space. He never liked to use his parent’s descriptions. He simply describes it as having access to an object’s data base. So far Jai has only had the ability to read objects without a conscious. He suspects things with sentience have the ability to reject his attempted extraction. When he was fifteen he experimented for the first time with a dead body. The results were beyond belief, he could only bare to touch the body for a few moments, enough time to extract only the beginning of its life, before his skin seemed to burn, and his stomach emptied itself. Although he has never again had the chance to experiment with such an ability he is filled with morbid, self-destructive curiosity about this aspect of his powers and is desperate to try again.

Mnemokinesis: Or memory manipulation. Jai has the ability to insert false memories into the minds of other people. It is not an easy power to utilise, he does it with his words, first lulling a subject into a subdued, susceptible state, and then crafting a memory. When done correctly the memories he plants are stronger and more vivid than any real memory his victim has.

NB: I have worked psychometry into the application a lot, so if the second/any other choice is chosen I may have to rework parts of the app. Please just let me know if that is the case 😊  

THE INTERVIEW:

So, tell me a little bit about growing up. What was your childhood like?

“My childhood. Seriously?!” Teeth grinded against his lip as he shook his head. His jaw was set, filled with all the tension that gave away his annoyance at the question. Glaring he sat, waiting for the question to change, for some form of acknowledgement that such a question was ridiculous, but none came. “It was rosy. Hugs every day. Fun with other children. Mom and dad shielding me from all the horrible evils of the world. I grew up happy and loved and valued.” His tone was so dry, so lacking in infliction, that no one could doubt his sarcasm.

What about your relationship with your family?

He snorted as soon as the question was asked, shaking his head in disgust. “You’re just like everyone else. Desperate to understand me through my relationships. To place me in some context and diagnose me.” He spat the final words. “If you want to know about my parents interview them. You want to understand me? Here I am.” He spread his arms out wide, hard eyes seeming to dare the interviewer to come closer. “My relationship with my parents means nothing. You think they shaped me? Made me? You’re wrong. They’re nothing.”

Are you the only Nova in your family? Or were your parents Novas too? What about any siblings?

“Were my parents Nova’s?” His smirk, the quiet snort he emitted portrayed amusement. The shadow that fell across his eyes however said otherwise. “In a way. Latens both of them. Completely powerless. But they had superpowers none the less. An inferiority complex so grand it consumed them. The ability to close off from any emotion, completely invulnerable to feeling. They were self-diagnosed Latens but they had powers all the same. Perhaps they diagnosed wrong… I’d like that.”

What’s your ability like? Is it easy to control or harder? Do you even like it?

“My ability.” For the first time since the interview began he seemed to calm, settling down with an aura of excitement about him. His eyes had lit up, this was his specialty. What he knew. He loved nothing more than sharing information, enlightening people with his theories. “I don’t think any ability can be easy to control. There’s always unlocked potential, unforeseen circumstances, unpleasant effects. There’s always an element of your ability controlling you. Do I like it? I love it! I literally have information at my fingertips. I love that it can make me feel stronger. Can give me power over others. I love it because it will always be un-understandable and uncontrollable.”

How would you describe your personality?

“My personality?” The question was repeated in a soft voice, eye contact maintained under hooded lids, and thick lashes. “I think I’d prefer to hear you describe it.” His hand reached out, a single index finger tracing the veins on the underside of the interviewer’s wrist. “Does personality really matter outside of perception? I only care what you think of me.”

What do you think your greatest strengths and weaknesses are?

“I don’t like to reveal my strengths. The ones that aren’t self-evident are an advantage. That or they’re imagined. Either way I’d be stupid to advertise them. Weaknesses…” He paused for a moment, calculating. “There’s a disadvantage to being so removed from human emotion, to not buying into socially accepted fallacy. People label it as “socially awkward”. Really it’s just another word for existing outside the collective.”

Where and what were you doing the day the Nova Protection Act was enacted?

“I was waiting.” He raised his eyebrow, daring the interviewer to question his statement. “I was waiting and was ready. What exactly I did that day doesn’t matter, I knew that day would come, and when it did I had everything in order to survive it. I had liquidity and I had supplies. I was prepared.” He pursed his lips, “I’d only recently left my last job, working in a lab, my parents had been in contact with my boss, continuing to extract data. I had no interest in continuing there. There was an opening in a pathology department, I’d always wanted to work in pathology, but I never got the chance to start.”

Did you immediately run? Or did you try to obey the law and report to the Anti-Nova Force?

Snorting laughter signified what he saw as the ridiculousness of the statement. “You think I would willingly catalogue myself? Submit myself to the will of the government? I didn’t run, I disappeared. My parents were the only ones who could find me. They can’t find me now.”

How have you survived this last year and a half or so? Did you have any help or were you all alone? How did you find Yalena’s Sanctuary?

“We came as a group. All good scientists protect their subjects. My parents found me, found the sanctuary, and began marching me towards it. I was a burden to them, a heavy, hard to move experiment. My parents reminded me of that the whole journey. They could have gone in to hiding if it wasn’t for me. They didn’t need sector zero. They thought I needed them and they needed no one. They were wrong. They cared if I died, needed my survival. I never needed them, never cared for their safety. Never cared for anyone’s safety.” He chewed his lip, silence hanging off him “No. There’s no one’s safety I care for.

What were you doing when the raid happened? How did you respond to the flood of Wardens? How quickly did you go through Yalena’s portal?

“I was�� reading… I don’t know. I don’t think it matters. What matters is I was ready? Bag packed. I should have been the first one through. Would have been if it wasn’t for… Sector Zero wasn’t as easy as the first time. Everything I needed couldn’t be packed. I still made it through quickly, just not as quickly as I should have… My parents on the other hand… They were too slow.”

What has living in The Imperium been like for you? Do you feel safer than before? Is it better or worse than on the run, or Yalena’s Sanctuary?

“It’s not like any of them were a five-star resort…” He laughed at his own joke, shaking his head when no one laughed with him. “It’s fine. I’d be stupid to get too attached. They found us once, they’ll do it again. Really there’s only one major difference. My parents aren’t here…”

The last question. If war broke out between Novas and the humans, which side will you be on?

“I don’t know. Neither? Both? It would make sense to be on the side of the Novas, I don’t know if humans will ever be on a Novas side again, but I have no interest in fighting for the losing side. There’s no glory in war, no honour in death. I care nothing for a collective, feel no connection to a group of people. If war comes I will do what’s best for me. I’ll survive.”

Connections:

Gemini: Jai trusts Waverly intellectually, he knows she is bright, enjoys her candid nature, is willing to work with her to survive. Intellectually he knows the two of them fit together. Are both broken in a similar way. Emotionally, however, he feels none of this. The wall between them is as strong as any other he has erected. They only want one thing from each other, and he refuses to allow anything deeper. She is a stranger to him, a stranger who would only respect a closed off man, perhaps he’s correct in this assumption, he’s never been sure, but what he feels emotionally has a habit of trumping what he knows intellectually.

Cassiopeia: Jai had a flawless outlook on life, except for one problem. Dani. Clever Dani who worked her way into his soul. He never meant to care about anyone the way he cares about her. He thought he knew better. Somewhere down the line, however, he let his guard down, exposed himself in a way he never meant to. Love was some fallacy humans hid behind to stop themselves feeling alone, but he felt it, with every fibre of his being, she was his family, his home, his life. He hates her for weakening him in this way, but he could never hate her really. She’s all that matters.

Andromeda: I would also like to explore Jai’s relationship with Dani’s younger sister. He see’s her as an annoyance, inferior to himself and Dani, trapped by the same weaknesses he sees him and his best friend as being outside of. He also hates the prospect that her existence means he has to care not only about Dani’s survival but also Nora’s

HEADCANONS:

As a child Jai’s parents literally used him as a test subject, they were obsessed with understanding his powers. As a child he knew nothing else, he saw his life as normal, it made sense to him that his parents would want to understand him, to improve him. When he saw Daniela’s relationship with her parents it was the closeness he envied, the care she was shown. When he grew older, when he grew to understand what his parents had done, not only to him but to others as well he learnt his parents weren’t just cold, they were monsters.

Jai enjoys subtle powerplays in bed. Never has this been more pronounced than in his relationship with Waverly, mostly because he has never before had a such a continuous intimacy with another Nova. He often teases her, fingers tracing the skin around her jewellery, secrets and information she has not chosen to share. He could access them whenever he wanted. But he doesn’t. He never would. He needs that wall too much.

Jai’s parents were atheists. His mother’s parents were non-practicing Christians, his father’s were devout Muslims. Jai himself, partially as rebellion against his parents and partially out of his own attempts to collect all the different information, theories and perspectives he can has been experimenting more with the Muslim faith. He has had little time for it whilst in hiding and will always take the portions of the region he feels suits him, but he holds onto the identity non-the-less.

Changes:

None at all!

DETAILED IC INFORMATION

You can find a personality page I have made for Jai here

You can also find some moodboards I made here and a pintrest board here

There are some playlists here

Finally, all the little extras I have done are here.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nothing I can think of now!

[bulletinedsolitude]

You’re just right at my skull. Great!

A Huge Trouble

A huge trouble, I reckon Walking with a doubt upon Looking from the cowls, the masks the rocks, the so deadly mocks

So kid, daring and dreamer Walk, reason than chin taller For the assertive you lend, and for the terrors, do bend

For as the time calls for you, you may not hustle for clues of where the compass points to Just gaze at your stars, and you

Shall highly know what to do.

More or less an hour before that piece existed, I had a painful blank page in front of me. That is a story of my trouble trying to start working on how to introduce myself “creatively.” It is a way of convincing and finding my momentum of writing genuinely, because that’s how I naturally like it—my pen must always spit out raw thoughts, like the ones running in my head in a state of solitude, otherwise the things that come out of my mind will sound foreign to myself, and someone told me non-genuine literature is trash.

Speaking of solitude, to officially start introducing myself, I will explain why I went with the name of my blog, “Bulletined Solitude.”

The Story behind Bulletined Solitude (that sounds like a so sad, so lonely feature story :()

First thought when I heard about making a blog, I wanted everything to be real, because it’s easier to write that way, and from there, the words would come out of me naturally. Writing is one of the things that I have resorted to when I felt something, because I’m not the kind of person who’s easy to get comfortable speaking about things that are very personal about me, so I would end up channeling all the emotions through my pen and paper. But for that to happen, my environment must have the sense of peace and loneliness.

So, I thought having a blog that features my honest insights, would be like bringing my solitude into publication, and bulletined solitude means something like that to me, so I chose it. And you thought it was deep.

So, yes, genuine yada yada, tell us about yourself then!!!

One thing that comes with writing, is reading. So that means I read, apparently. I started reading (literary-wise) when I was 13. I remember it was Bob Ong’s Kapitan Sino that I ever read first. And that basically influenced what I have read after that, and what I will be reading in the future probably. It is a fine chop of fantasy, dystopia, and heroic fiction. And we’re not snubbing the little touch of romance there, of course. Up to this date, my favorite books so far are Victoria Aveyard’s Red Queen Series, Veronica Roth’s Divergent Series, and The Eye of Minds by James Dashner.

While I think reading have shaped my mind better, I don’t take it seriously, so maybe it only does happen subconsciously. I jump into a book only with the aim to escape and be entertained, anything that comes with it is a subconscious blessing.

I really want to talk about my favorite book characters as well, because I’m an introvert learning only from book characters instead of going out and learning by myself. Kidding (jokes are half meant). But here they are:

Beatrice “Tris” Prior from Divergent. I love her basically because she’s brave and witty at the same time. I know the movies made her two-dimensional by portraying her as a stiff girl turned fighter and then she’s just that. But that’s expected for mainstream movie adaptations, always fails at shaping a character. In the book though, she was more than just that. Every choice she made meant so much more because her thoughts justified it, including the part where she sacrificed herself to stop the spread of serum that makes everybody lose their memories, which was sadly not featured in the adaptation. The movie series lost me there; I don’t deny that the first installment is still okay though.

Anika Dragomir from Anatomy of a Misfit. This girl gave me good laughs, but more than anything, I related to her because of her flaws—from her thoughts and her deeds. She’s a character who tried to be shallow by being one of the cliché high school perfectionists, but always knew she wasn’t. She made wrong choices and did regret, which makes the whole story much more close to heart. Also, #NoToGuns.

Logan McDonough from Anatomy of a Misfit. He is an adorable, loving, selfless person. He’s one of those few characters that you think were so easy and predictable, but at the end of the story, an act he did is revealed, so full of impact and so inspiring that it makes all your past impressions of him fade away immediately. His family is basically abused by his father who is a gun owner/enthusiast (he has a collection, if I remember correctly) and Logan’s the person who has been protecting his siblings from his father’s violence until that night when it all had to end with the loss of life.

Tiberias Calore “Cal” VII from Red Queen. He is not gonna be the last character I will list here from the same story so I’ll have to explain a little bit. Basically, their world is the Kingdom of Norta, a dystopian country divided by classes of two: Silver and Red bloods (except in the later installments, there will be Newbloods), with the former being the powerful ones for having supernatural abilities and the red bloods who are ordinary people. I listed him here for his bravery of breaking boundaries by connecting to a red blooded person, which is supposed to be forbidden as a silver blood, that may be easy-sounding, believe me, in his case, it takes a lot of guts. He is also just enough of confident and self-assured, which is deserved because he’s the first prince. And he embodies that strong and fearless but bending warrior. And he bears the ability of manipulating fire, so what’s not to like?

“I am your rightful king, Silver-born for centuries. The only reason you're still breathing is because I can't burn the oxygen from this room.” — Cal

Killed. It.

Mare Barrow from Red Queen. She made everybody’s jaw drop to the ground when she, a red blood girl, turned out to have the ability to create/control electricity. But her character is more important and she is here because of three things: she’s a fighter, she’s strong, and she’s a dreamer.

“I have lived that life already, in the mud, in the shadows, in a cell, in a silk dress. I will never submit again. I will never stop fighting.” — Mare

I am gagged.

Maven Calore from Red Queen. Spoilers first: her mother turned him an evil. But I will never forget how true he was at the beginning and how dreamy he was as a character. He was so good and so kind, I wanted to be his friend. And for him to be caged in his mother’s influence, I am weeping inside.

“The truth is what I make it. I could set this world on fire and call it rain.”

I have not lost hope for him. But…

(c) to owner

#MareCal since the beginning.

If it’s not enough evidence, I am obsessed with Red Queen; I need May 15th to happen because the fourth and final installment is released that day. War Storm, wait for me.

Moving on.

When it comes to television, I’m not denying my Super Inggo obsession back in the day. I craved so hard for a kwek-kwek every day. But recently, I’ve come to love English and Korean series/dramas also, most of them being anything fantasy or medical. Favorites are probably D-Day, Grey’s Anatomy, The Flash, Westworld and Stranger Things.

Power Rangers is on another level. It’s an interest I share with my brother (probably the only one). Now, I did not watch so much of it as a kid, I think I only watched two/three seasons, but lately I have been watching more because of him. And the 2017 movie deserves 5 stars, it was fantastic, it made me nostalgic.

I AM THE BLUE RANGER. Do not steal it.

I was a website layout enthusiast once; I don’t know how currently rusty I am at it because I’ve never tried it since Grade 10. My teacher made me attend this competition, Technolympics and I won it (surprisingly) when I was in Grade 8, but that was just a simple static HTML website, if I may be honest it’s the neat layout that made me win it, but it’s nothing special with the coding.

I was also a campus journalist; I jumped quite from different roles every time though: broadcasting team technician, to reporter, to paper layout artist, to news editor. It’s all over the place, so I really never got to develop one skill.

When it comes to my behavior, I am slightly that kid who stutters at first meeting, hard to open up, and just straight up awkward. I am very wary of what I say at first meeting, I kind of have trouble forming the perfect topic to throw out there to a person I just met. Even to people I’ve been with long enough, I always find a way to make up something funny just so we won’t go to the serious side. I also get crazy though, like laugh to the end of Earth kind of crazy.

And…I watch ASMR (a term for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) videos in YouTube. They are used to trigger a static/tingling sensation which you may feel from the top of your head down your spine. I do it to enhance my napping though. Try some:

Category is: Slam book Realness

I never had a slam book, neither did my classmates (because we’re all boring; okay maybe at least one did or it’s just me who didn’t have). But I’ll be trying to be cool once in my life so here is me trying to answer slam book template questions:

PERSONAL INFO Real Name: Judd Vander Rondares Birth Month: May Zodiac Sign: Gemini Gender: M Age: 17 Romantic Status: Single (since birth and not ever regretting hehe)

FAVORITES Color: Blue Song: I Don’t Know My Name by Grace Vanderwaal Singer: Grace Vanderwaal Movies: Love You to the Stars and Back and Big Hero 6 Actors/Actresses: Winona Ryder, Joshua Garcia, Katherine Langford, Eddie Redmayne, Models: Kris Grikaite, Kit Butler, Jordan Barrett, Jhona Burjack, Julian Schneyder, Mayowa Nicholas

OTHERS Motto: Outdo yourself. What is Love (this can’t be not done): God is love. :D

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING

Where do I see myself 10 years from now? Was my learning in SPUP vital to where I’m leading to? I see myself a fully realized professional, independent, responsible, self-sustaining, and helpful citizen of the Philippines. hehe Back in Grade 10, there was a career planning program, and for the activities, I would always not know what to write for my future plans because there were not a lot of people who gave me inspiration of what insights I should have for my future aside from my parents, and one of the things that I liked about going in SPUP is that I was surrounded by people whose aspirations boosted what I already had in mind, but not very sure of. But aside from that, of course SPUP was a good school to go for SHS, and to be honest, any school would have been okay, because I’m going for a four-year college anyway and I didn’t need a school that would make me ready for literal work/job already, I just needed something to give me background for my future course, and SPUP did okay in that department, I believe.

Was STEM the best choice after all? Yes, because now that I know the path that I’m taking (will be further discussed in the next question), it is very apparent that STEM was the best choice for me.

What course will you take in college and why? My answer to this is like a continuation for my answer in the previous question. I recently just decided to take Medical Technology, and it was after a few talks with my mother, I didn’t know it was what I needed to make up my mind. I don’t mean that I was persuaded to take the course, I just didn’t have the confidence to take it, doubting that I may not be that passionate about it so I wanted some advice. I’ve long decided that I will not take a course that I’m not passionate about, I didn’t have to hear it from anybody—I just knew it. So, when I learned that she does think my plan is worth investing and especially knowing my cousin has graduated from it, made me motivated to truly pursue it.

What topic would you like to learn more in this subject? I already have taken Microsoft Office lessons and some HTML, so naturally, I would like something that I have never taken before. Since we already took Photoshop (I wouldn’t be mad for more though), maybe Illustrator, or anything for video editing. It would be also nice to revisit HTML since I’ve forgotten lots of tags already, or JavaScript.

Ask Me Anything.  Sir, masyado bang maikli tong introduction ko? Sorry po sa grammatical errors, ang dami kasi, mahirap mag-spot. Haha

Along your way, you’ll see the deepest secrets of my brain, never be terrified.

[psychotherapyconsultants]

The Truth about Building Self-Confidence

What would you guess people are most stressed out about in their careers?

One might assume that hating your job, or dealing with the frustration of finding a new one, would top the list.

But according to the results of an annual survey that I send several thousand readers of my email newsletter, the most common problem people face is that they don’t feel confident.

Readers said things like:

I want to start a business, but I fear looking foolish.

I feel I shouldn’t have been picked for the role I am in. I feel like a sham.

I doubt myself and find it hard to ask for what I want.

These responses are from smart, accomplished individuals. Most of them have advanced degrees. Some of them have earned high-ranking leadership positions at Fortune 500 companies that are household names. Why are they questioning their competence?

Unfortunately, confidence is an elusive goal for many people. And that’s because we fundamentally misunderstand the way it works. We tend to think confidence is a personality trait, and treat it as a pre-requisite for action. So we put off signing up for a dating site because we feel insecure about our looks, or neglect to apply for jobs because we worry that we won’t be competitive.

But the truth is that confidence isn’t an innate trait; it’s a quality gained through experience. We should take risks in order to build confidence — not the other way around.

The misunderstood history of self-confidence

Why are we so obsessed with the idea of self-confidence? Many cultures — particularly that of the US — –view extroversion, charisma, and social skills as highly desirable qualities. After all, if you’re going to pursue life, liberty, and happiness, you’ve got to believe in yourself. Research also shows we’re more attracted to people who are outgoing. We automatically equate outward displays of confidence with competence.

Influenced by the rise of youth culture, wealth, and consumerism after World War II, confidence took on a powerful mystique in American culture, contributing to the self-esteem movement of the 1980s and 1990s. High self-esteem was suggested to be the key to success in life — –so powerful it could fix deeply complex issues like inner-city violence.

This ushered in an age of supposed solutions to artificially force self-esteem — from participation awards and meaningless gold stars to showering children with praise, regardless of what they’d done. Entire cottage industries popped up selling superficial solutions to boost people’s confidence in 20 minutes or less by repeating positive affirmations to themselves.

But as the movement hit a fever pitch in the 1990s, renowned psychologist Roy Baumeister grew concerned about the lack of hard evidence backing up claims that positive self-esteem could cure all ills. He undertook a sweeping review of research, which confirmed his skepticism. Out of 15,000 scholarly articles written about self-esteem over three decades, only 200 met rigorous research standards. A former advocate of the movement, he concluded that there was no proof that high self-esteem improved academic achievement, job success, or health outcomes.

What the self-esteem movement showed is that it’s not enough to simply be told you’re special. Nor should we attempt to protect ourselves from struggle and negative feelings like uncertainty and fear. When we attempt to shield our children and ourselves from the normal range of human emotions that comes with seeking out new experiences, we are robbed of the chance to build authentic, healthy confidence.

Earning confidence through trial and error

The key to cracking the confidence may lie in tackling those uncomfortable emotions head on, as entrepreneur Steph Crowder did live on her podcast. She candidly shared how a recent bad review from a listener had blindsided her, ruining her day. But how she handled it made all the difference.

A lot of people might be tempted to follow the conventional wisdom “fake it till you make it” and try to cover up her reaction with false positivity. However, research shows that keeping up appearances is stressful — and can actively undermine well-being. Instead, Steph took her listeners through the process of listening to bad feedback and learning from it. Studies show people who deal effectively with their emotions in this way, an active coping skill called emotional regulation, have higher resilience and greater self-esteem. Steph’s example illustrates the face that the only way to build self-worth is through behavior. You have to put yourself in difficult situations, so that you can learn how to survive them.

Do the work

We would all do better if we understood, as Mindy Kaling has put it, that confidence isn’t something that ought to come to us naturally. Rather, as she writes in her bookWhy Not Me?, “confidence is like respect: it’s something you have to earn.” Kaling recalls:

“When I started at The Office, I had zero confidence. Whenever Greg Daniels came into the room to talk to our small group of writers, I was so nervous that I would raise and lower my chair involuntarily, like a tic. Finally, weeks in, writer Mike Schur put his hand on my arm and said, gently, ‘You have to stop.’ Years later I realized that the way I had felt during those first few months was correct. I didn’t deserve to be confident yet.”

Over time, however, as she gained experience, Kaling became more confident. The same applies to all of us. We need to do things that we think are scary — not because we have blind faith that we’ll succeed, but simply because those things are worth doing.

As research from Angela Duckworth suggests, struggling builds character. Failure breeds wisdom and maturity. We need to fail and experience discomfort, and over time, build a track record of demonstrated success. Once you’ve proven to yourself that you can perform in front of a crowd or run a marathon or ask a person out on a date, it’s a lot easier to have confidence the next time you face a big challenge.

And so if you don’t feel confident in your life, don’t treat it as a personal flaw. Perhaps you simply need more practice. Let’s learn to view confidence not as a personality trait but as an acquired skill — one that’s available to all of us, if we’re willing to put in the work.

© 2017 Melody Wilding, as first published in Quartz

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-truth-about-building-self-confidence/