#and as always... just read a romance novel if the endgame is that important

[mermaidsirennikita]

as someone who loves romance novels and considers them her favorite form of fiction, a few thoughts:

--all genre romances (which require a happily ever after or happy or now ending, which you might otherwise refer to as "endgame") are love stories; not all love stories are genre romances

--(I actually would argue that HEA and HFN do not inherently align with "endgame", though they usually do--I'd consider an ending like that of Reign, where Mary dies decades after Francis but finds her version of Heaven with him, to be a Mary/Francis endgame but not exactly a Happily Ever After)

--a great love story does not necessarily equal the HEA or the HFN; a great love story can tell the story of a love that was, narratively, meant to end prematurely or tragically

--see: Titanic (he dies young and inspires her to live a fulfilling life, a reverse-Fridge situation where we get an implied "in death" endgame but not HEA); The Way We Were (two people love each other a lot but can't overcome their fundamental differences to make it work, but it was an important relationship nonetheless); Roman Holiday (they fell in love hard and fast but couldn't be together due to class issues and obligations); Wuthering Heights (their passion was all-consuming but due both to societal issues and their own inherent problems as shitty people they couldn't get it together before her death; another potential "in death" endgame, but much creepier)

--all of these creations give us really compelling love stories but are not genre romances; because while something that is not a genre romance (usually a romance novel) should never be sold as a genre romance, you do not have to have an HEA to make people feel something

--in SOME cases I would argue that an HEA would kind of ruin the story; if Jack and Rose had lived in Titanic, a movie I consider a near-perfect romantic drama, bitch to your mom about it if you disagree, we would not only miss the total tragedy of ... Titanic... by having our leads somehow escape the mass carnage that incident was, but miss the character development in the true protagonist of the story, who began the movie suicidal but THEN experienced the worst tragedy she could imagine but felt motivated by the love she shared with the person she lost to live; one of the messages being that like, that relationship was short, but that doesn't mean it didn't MATTER; even if she's the only person who remembered that relationship and that man, it MATTERED

--if the main reason why you want an "endgame" for a love story is because you want to win, I feel like you're not enjoying fiction as much as you're enjoying a fandom fight, in which the opponent is often imaginary

[cecilysass]

Mulder’s Depressed Vampire Sex: Me on 3

You know, I like the episode 3. I mean, not the casefile part of 3, which is whatever whatever, but the important part: the blood fetishist lady has her way with Mulder and then he cries.

I definitely loathed the episode back when the show was airing. Back then it seemed like it was intentionally hostile to the ship—like going out of its way to be hostile, having Kristen tell Mulder shit like “I can tell you’re missing someone, but attention please: just a friend. Definitely not more!!!” I honestly kind of felt like she was looking out of the screen directly at me when she said it.

But looking back, knowing that MSR was endgame (and that fans kinda took over the narrative anyway), I definitely see the episode totally differently.

From a Mulder character arc point of view, this episode is all about him being a sad, sad boy. It is all about his depression, his hopelessness, his grief for Scully. It’s also about his drive to try to save women and girls in order to save himself. And he so often seems to fail at this when it is someone he cares about (or even when it is someone he has a fleeting connection with, like Kristen). And that’s so, so devastating for him. In that sense, this episode is a really desperate expression of his grief and frustration.

The HIV/AIDS angle to this ep is super important, too, so we have to make sure we’re getting into the full 1994 mindset on this. Mulder says in alarm to Kristen back in the club, when she’s playing fast and loose with blood: “AIDS. Aren’t you afraid?” (To which she responds that she wants to die.) Mulder knows that HIV transmission through sharing fluids is no joke in 1994 (it probably really shouldn’t be now either, but that’s not today’s lecture). Yet later, when Kristen is shaving him and he’s nicked, he allows this to be the catalyst for sex, even as he makes attempts to stop her from tasting his blood.

So his choice to have sex with Kristen is depicted as reckless, with someone who has been shown being careless about HIV. And he is doing it not just because he is turned on, but because he is being intentionally reckless with himself, clearly knowing the consequences. He shows concern for her, yes, but he’s also self destructive. He wants to fuck the hot vampire, but he also wants to fuck with death.

In other words, there’s a difference between what the episode tells us about Mulder’s relationship to Scully and what it shows us. And what the episode shows us about their relationship is that Scully is central enough in his life that everything is fundamentally affected by her abduction. He’s broken. He’s visibly depressed. He makes decisions that risk his job and his life. All the while he is actually choosing to wear her cross: a symbol that traditionally wards off vampires, as Kristen observes, but also keeps Scully’s presence in his mind constantly and in every frame of the episode he's in. And the episode ends with him looking like a hero in a romance novel mournfully casting his eyes to the hills clutching her cross in his hand.

None of this obviously communicates “I miss my work friend,” right? No objective observer would see this and say, “ah, he clearly is missing someone—most likely a friend, I would say.” But probably that’s exactly why they included Kristen’s “just a friend” line. They knew his grief in this episode was reading very powerfully, and they didn’t want it to seem overtly romantic.

I also feel like it’s kind of significant that the only time we actually see Mulder have confirmed sex with someone (besides Scully later) is when he’s depressed and Scully is gone. Linking his grief for Scully to his very-rarely-seen acting out on sexual desire like this also seems kind of psychologically sus to me, but I don’t know, I read a lot of fanfic.

Speaking of which, I did a little fanfic search for 3. And unless I am missing obvious fics (always a possibility), it was kind of difficult. Partly because this is a stupidly hard episode to look in search engines for. (No one should ever name episodes after numbers, although this one I will forgive because it’s from 1994 and they couldn’t have fully understood about Google and AO3.)

But also I just think there hasn’t been a ton of 3 fanfic, probably because this episode isn’t very well-liked. And listen, I get that Scully isn’t in it, which is often unappealing for writers, and there is Mulder/other, which people don’t like. But I feel like there are a lot of possibilities for story ideas here that don’t necessarily take place during the events of the episode. Like: how does it affect them later? Personally I like fics where Mulder and Scully discuss the events of the episode long after (actually I wrote one, which I included in my recs because I’m not that cool). I also think Mulder’s angst and depression has a lot of ways it could go—not to mention it’s the last canonically confirmed time he has sex before like 2000 or something. And it seems like AU takes on what happened to Kristen could be interesting. So what I'm saying is: maybe try writing 3 fics.

3 Fanfic Recs

Three is a Crowd - wendelah1 Mulder has sex with Kristen but can’t stop thinking of Scully.

Analgesic- settledownfrohike Mulder has sex with Kristen but can’t stop being a self-loathing, self-destructive mess. And thinking of Scully.

The Woman In His Heart - Spangle This shorter piece frames Mulder’s time with Kristen as a revelation about his feelings. Angsty and nicely observed. A 2005 Spooky winner, evidently.

False Dawn - emmbright A sharply etched portrait of how Mulder moves through his life between 3 and One Breath. For me this fills in the blanks perfectly.

Dreams - Characteristically_Exuberant This is actually a (great) post-ep for Field Trip, and the events of 3 aren’t the main focus of the fic. But I like how this author discusses what happened with Mulder in that episode and contextualizes it for both agents.

We’re Not Here To Get Involved In Personal Problems - cecily_sass This is mine, also not really a 3 post-ep; it’s an X-Cops post-ep. I feel a little silly including it. But I had them discuss the events of 3 in this fic in a way that sort of lays out my own thesis of the episode, and I thought, hey, it’s my list. Mulder and Scully walk to a gas station in Willow Park in Los Angeles the morning after X-Cops; they discuss plenty.

Any others? I feel like I probably missed some.

[yennas-stuff]

elriels seem completely incapable of making any arguments for their ship on a meta level. like all of their arguments always rely on picking apart the text in a very literal manner, misrepresenting the text out of context, or just straight up biased takes on what the characters are thinking/desire (like idc what elain wants.... she's a character walking in whatever direction SJM wants). never in all my time lurking have i seen a single compelling meta argument from them outside of "elriel has already been set up", and "it would make no sense to casual readers if elriel didn't happen", and my favorite outright false claim that they love, "sjm said the series is about the archeron sisters".

idk how they champion so hard for a ship that they can't even make a good narrative argument for--because it doesn't make any sense from a storytelling perspective and they either know it or are too ignorant on the technicalities of writing a novel to understand that.

they take people's arguments like mine (saying idc what elain wants) and misdirect people's attention by calling it misogyny or whatever other stupidity they spew, and COMPLETELY miss the point everyone's making that it's not that we "don't care about elain" and "hate elain" but that we understand that narratives need to have a little something called dramatic irony, which only exists if characters are in opposition in some way (elain resisting the mating bond).

elain is not a victim of people's misogyny, she's a fictional character who some people would find less interesting if her endgame romance was as simplistic as "she likes azriel so she's going to end up with azriel", and all the drama for the book has to come from outside factors like Rhys keeping them apart... and... what? Breaking the mating bond before they can be together? Even though they already were happily going to touch each other seemingly without any regard to the mate bond/lucien being around? The book would be as big of a disaster as CC3 because it would rely completely on external plots... but that's just my biased opinion on a different topic, anyway.

It just doesn't make sense and it would be completely random for them to end up together, narratively. I know they argue the opposite but they just can't back it up with any logical arguments. I think that's why it confuses me that there are so many of them... i guess lotssss of people really read at a very surface level depth

First of all, thank you for the message!

Agreed about their theories. They also never make sense to me and seem to be based more on vibes than anything else. I could see how, to some people, their aesthetic can be appealing, but personally, I don't enjoy soft girl/bad boy trope. But it doesn't matter much since it's about what sjm enjoys and gravitates towards... and the whole point of the series is LIKE CALLS TO LIKE. It's about choosing a partner to match your energy, to help you meet your fullest potential.

We HAVE enough evidence to say that Azriel wouldn't let Elain do much about her powers. He speaks for her. He wants to duel her mate, which shows us he doesn't understand her on a deeper level. Elain also couldn't help Azriel heal and get better mentally. He wouldn't share his darkness with her. He doesnt plan any future together.

Is that the forbidden romance they are fighting so hard for? Lucien is so far away, respecting her boundaries. Rhys has already promised to keep Elain safe if she decided to reject the bond. So, who would they be fighting? What's forbidden about it?

You are so right that it reads very surface level. Their possible plot seems to be rejecting the bond, and what else ???? Koshei is connected to Lucien and BOE. So they would completely destroy Lucien and their connection to human lands. He will not just get over it and be with Vassa (lol). Mating bonds are a serious business. ONLY THE IMPORTANCE AND INEVITABILITY OF MATING BONDS HAD 4 BOOKS OF BUILD-UP. Not their ship.

Do they want the repeat of Nesta's warrior training arc? How would spy training look like? Didn't Az himself say it's boring? You just sit and observe...

Elain's visions seemed to be connected to Lucien's closeness (coz acowar). Also, Cassian's presence grounded Nesta and helped her out. Wouldn't Lucien be needed for Elain to wake up her visions back? Az would just sit in the corner and silently fume and spiral about not being her mate...

It's just... how can they not see that they are fighting for the losing side. And what for? Some smut scenes? That's what ao3 is for, babes. And they will get canon Azriel smut. They dont need to worry. Just not with Elain. (Gwyn seems more likely to keep up with his stamina. They do work out a lot, lmao.)

[mycadences]

That side: "Lucien and Vassa will carry book 6, the final ACOTAR book! Vassien FTW! Vassien has so many shippers! It's a major ship!"

^ They're literally called a lesser known ship (I blocked out the accounts of the other two just in case any enraged Elriel tries to identify them... but if you search the Vassien tag you'll find the original posts). Vassien was competing against the other rare pairs (aka no real major ships like Feysand/Nessian/Gwynriel/Elucien and yes even Elriel (I'll admit Elriel is a major ship... BUT VASSIEN ISN'T)).

I know posts like this may seem like I'm mocking Vassien shippers, but I'm actually calling out the Elriels who disguise themselves as Vassien shippers and try to paint some strange narrative where Vassien and Elriels are the top two shipping fandoms like they are not lmao.

It is fine to ship rare pairs. In fact, it's great because it introduces more pairing diversity into the fandom! If you are a true Vassien shipper reading this then I hope you continue doing what you like! What is not fine is pretending to be fans of a rare pair and acting like you're making some 3000 IQ move when you're just clowning yourself.

I've always been of the opinion that it's insulting and beyond rude to act like you're a fan of a ship you're not for your own hidden motive.

Bonus:

Ah yes, the ship you love so much that you don't even know its name... Thanks for shipping Jurian and Vassa! (This was an angry Elriel post ranting about Gwynriel that I stumbled across. I'm not going to share the name of this poster since, again, I don't want anyone to identify them and hunt them down. But I just thought it was kinda funny lol, I've seen so many Vassien "shippers" (cough ELRIELS cough) misspell their own ship name.)

Anyway the whole point of this post is to show that if there are two full-length novels left AND each book will follow one main couple with alternating POVs, then the only way the math adds up is if the next two books are Gwynriel/Elucien in any order.

Because if it's Elriel, who will take the last and presumably most important final book??

I keep seeing them say either Vassien will take it (but they have almost no fans ;-; and at the end of the day I'm here for the romance, I'm not going to read a book about a couple I don't support...) or the final book will be about the three Archeron sisters but... SJM literally said it's going to follow one main couple??? Or are you telling me the Archeron sisters are endgame (yikes)...

[bookofmirth]

I’m fairly new to the acotar fandom. Read all the books in January, and am curious as to Elain and Lucien pairing. So he’s her mate, but they’ve never had any interaction with each other until she was forcibly turned into Fae. It’s also been stated in the book that mated pairs are not always the right choice and the bond can be rejected. So why shouldn’t she reject the bond?

Hello! I hope your time in the fandom thus far has been enjoyable. Use that block button liberally though, that's my advice to you lol

This is an interesting question and it’s related to something I’ve been thinking about lately. However, imo the fandom, or some people in the fandom, are approaching this question in the wrong way. So my short answer is:

The real question we should be asking is why will Elain accept it? Because by making Elain and Lucien mates, sjm has already told us they are endgame.

You could stop reading there and get the gist of this whole post, but my longer answer explains why that’s the real question. I'm actually going to put the rest under the cut since it got long. Also to make it harder for the people I've blocked but still stalk me to read my post *finger guns*

Sjm uses the mating bond to tell us which couples were always meant to be together and will be endgame. Any time we learn about a mating bond with main characters, everything clicks into place and we know that that’s it. That’s that, it’s endgame, no more questions or messing around. That’s how the fandom viewed elucien from the moment that acomaf came out. It was a moment of “oh, that’s where she’s going, sounds good then!” It wasn’t until much later that some people got into their feelings about Mor and Lucien and Elain and Az and decided they’d prefer something different. But what a reader wants and what the writer intends are two different things, and because she made Elain and Lucien mates, it’s clear what she intends.

I've made a post about why it's important that the bond can be rejected, which is here, but the tl;dr is that if you know it can be rejected, then the characters still have some semblance of choice and it also creates much needed tension - in every romance novel, you know who is getting together, you just don't know how they will overcome their obstacles. For Elain and Lucien, the mating bond actually serves as an obstacle to their relationship that they have to figure out how to deal with. It's creating a lot of tension for them, which sjm said they will experience.

The thing I’ve been thinking about lately is which came first, the chicken or the egg, where the ship is the chicken and the mating bond is the egg. I think we can answer this one, though. Given the number of mates she writes and the fact that her characters go through multiple relationships before they get there, the ship comes first. She has even said that she when she writes, she decides what relationships are going to happen, and then she figures out how to get there.

(this is from here, thank you @yazthebookish Yazzy)

So that’s where the mating bond comes in. Sarah decides on the ship first, before anything to do with the world or plot, and the mating bond is one of the tools to get them there. The mating bond is honestly just incidental.

It's not that Sarah decides to make characters mates and then decides if they will stay together. She makes them mates because they will stay together.

Could this change? Sure. Do we have every single main character pairing being mated to make us feel pretty confident that this will remain the case? Yeah. I think it's also important to note that every example we have of an awkward or wrong mating bond is with extremely minor characters (save one example in hosab which is clearly, clearly being painted as a horrible shitty thing, and nothing like what Elain and Lucien are experiencing now, but even then it's side characters).

When sjm told us in acomaf that Elain and Lucien are mates, she was telling us that they are endgame. It’s as simple as that and she’s not a subtle writer. After that happened, she talked about them as a couple at book events because she was like “hey they all know, cat's out of the bag! Clearly I intend for them to be together so I can talk about it.” (I tried to find my post with all the screenshots but the tumblr search function SUCKS. If anyone else can find it I will love you forever.) Here is one post with a screenshot thank you @the-lonelybarricade!

Okay here is the post that has the best breakdown of what sjm has said re: Lucien, Elain, and being mates

I think it’s an interesting conversation to have, why would or should someone reject or accept a mating bond, hypothetically. But in reality, this is how sjm works. So maybe the question of why Elain should reject or accept the bond is an interesting one to ponder, but you don’t see those conversations about nessian and feysand (or rowaelin, or quinlar, or Kallias and Viviane, or anyone else) because we know what the mating bond means. So to me, those questions are interesting in the context of looking at the mating bond as a trope, as it's used by many many authors, but we already know what it means when sjm uses it. On a related note, here is a post with all the ways that characters think/speak about the mating bond in acotar. It's clearly a positive thing, and sjm has no intentions of writing it in a way that would lessen its importance, because that would then lessen the magic of when Feyre finds out about Rhys, and when Nesta struggles to accept that she has one with Cassian.

I think it's interesting to note that any time a character wonders if they have a mating bond, or expects to find out about it any day, they are wrong. Feyre wondered when hers and Tamlin's would show up, Rhys tells us that Az had been waiting for one with Mor, apparently now he's wondering that re: Elain, Lucien was waiting for his with Jesminda, and in ToG Aelin wonders if she has one with Chaol, or had one with Sam. None of those turned out well, though. (thank you @fracturedarkness and @highqueenmorrigan for helping me remember who did this. <3)

To your question though, I do think it would be an interesting thing to explore if Elain did reject the bond, or if Lucien did, and then what their relationship would be like afterwards. Lucien is still Feyre's friend and working with the Night Court. Elain is still living in the NC. It's not as if they would never see each other again, but they will always have the bond between them, even if they officially reject it. It'd be interesting to see how their relationship (platonic, romantic, whatever) developed without the pressure that the mating bond presents, but as it is, the mating bond is creating that tension for them. Which is tension that sjm said they will have in the freaking screenshots I can't find.

For me, them being mated is just a sign from the author that they are supposed to be endgame, and then the rest of it is us trying to figure out how that is going to happen, what it will look like.

Okay sorry this got really long, and tbh it doesn't need to be because I think that sjm is very clear in her intentions and we all know this, which is why you don't see people questioning the other mating bonds in the series, and why you see people trying to explain that canon facts are actually a huge conspiracy theory.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2022!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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311. Princess in the Spotlight by Meg Cabot--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read December 2022. I'm excited to be re-reading this even more now because I don't think I've ever gone past book 2! Mia continues to grow a bit as a character, even though the adults around her continue to be unaware of how everything is truly affecting her. I did like seeing a certain moment that redeemed her best friend because of her actions. Also, still a little weirded out by how Michael is 18 and she's 14. That's...yeah.

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312. The Lightcasters by Janelle McCurdy--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Another amazing MGLit fantasy title that I will be more than happy to recommend to my younger customers! I loved the adventure in this and how the story flowed so well that there were never any boring moments. There was always something happen and I couldn't get enough of it. I loved the concept and the fact that these kids have so much responsibility despite the hurdles they face. I think stories like this have so much potential because we only got to explore one small section of the world. I want to see what these characters accomplish in the future books (which I will absolutely be checking out when they come out!) The only thing that threw me off is that one of the characters is four and he didn't act like a four year old? I'm always commenting that kids are smarter than people think they are, but save for a few mispronounced words, this four year old sounded like a nine year old. That's the only thing that was a little jarring. I'd recommend this to readers who like road-trip style fantasies where the characters are forced to go on a journey; readers who enjoy stories where the fate of the world rests on the shoulders of the MC; and anyone who likes seeing MCs befriend and connect and magical beings/animals.

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313. Lore Olympus Vol. 2 by Rachel Smythe--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Sigh, this series is so good. I'm mad at myself for taking so long to finally start reading it. Listen, questionable decisions were made by certain characters in this volume, but Hades can still get it. Why is he drawn so....damn. Anyway, I agree with Smythe in their commentary near the end before the bonus story about how one particular chapter is their best work yet. That whole letter writing scene (not a spoiler) was gorgeous but also portrayed so much emotion. I sometimes just want to give Persephone the biggest hug.

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314. Lore Olympus Vol. 3 by Rachel Smythe--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love this series so, so much. Even more-so after reading this volume. One can just tell when the chemistry can't be ignored. Whenever the two of them are on the same page, the attraction just jumps off the page. Pity for those outsiders who think they have any power or control when it comes to this budding romance. That conclusion made me smile the biggest smile even though everyone knows that they're endgame. But I especially love that in this one, one truth comes out and Persephone hears some absolutely solid advice. My heart aches just thinking about this series and I want to look up the series that the author has posted online.

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315. The Feeling of Falling in Love by Mason Deaver--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

TW: Transphobic and Sexist commentary. Deaver does it again with their newest YA romance novel! While I still LOVED their first book the most, this one dealt with some important topics when it comes to identity, how we judge before we know someone, and how we can sometimes misinterpret a situation when we are surrounded by self-doubt and the belief that age is a factor when it comes to whether love can be felt or not. I loved the budding relationship between the MC and his roommate. I loved watching the judgmental MC learn that his words and actions have consequences, and that maybe communication would go a long way to better understanding both a situation and oneself. This one was a bit interesting reading it as an adult because I could see the MC's pain when he is visiting his family, but I could also see the situation from the mom's POV (except for one glaringly obvious situation where I think she failed as a parent). This helped round the story out a lot more because I think that if a reader were to re-read this book, they would notice the moments where that anger towards and characterization of certain characters could be something that is more nuanced than just initial interactions. That's all to say that I, again, enjoyed another Deaver novel and I can't wait for their next one!'

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316. We Are Not From Here by Jenny Torres Sanchez--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

TWs: R@pe, Death and descriptions of death and gore, Teen pregnancy, Bullying, Grief WE ARE NOT FROM HERE is an incredibly difficult book to read. It is unapologetic in its portrayal of trauma, the violent realities so many people and children face, and the brutal journey some have to take in order to escape even worse living situations. This book is truly not for the feint of heart and I'll be honest, I am very surprised it was YA (even though I think it is very important that it is a YA title). The only reason why I'm not giving this a full five stars is because of one character that frustrated me. I understand that they're just a child, but I just felt so much frustration because of their actions and lack thereof. One of the impactful things, however, is that this character helped showcase the patience and love of the other two characters. This character also showed us that while this book has many heavier and more adult-themed topics, it is a book for younger readers at its heart (the innocence, the naivety, and the wish to just go home.) If you're looking for a powerful book about the dangers of this kind of immigration story, then I think this should be added to your list. I cried, I laughed, and I hoped for the best for these poor kids who just wanted a safer, new life.

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317. Amari & the Great Game by B.B. Alston--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I loved the first book in this series and I was happy to finally pick this one up! While I enjoyed it slightly less than the first book, I still had a great experience following Amari and her best friend as she tried to solve a mystery that begins early on in the book. One of the things about this book is that it made me so mad for Amari. I was surprised to see that the word "racism" wasn't used in the tags because this book features it so heavily--especially with the comments alluding to her race, both in skin colour and the type of magician that she is (which was also a theme in the first book). This book is one of those books that is a fantastic adventure for younger kids, but also, an allegory for older readers. Amari is a powerful Black girl who faces some serious prejudices in a fantastical world--showcasing that even magic can't save you if you don't fit the "societal [racist] standards". Anyway, this series is awesome and I think anyone can read it. It's a great teaching resource as well as a great adventure for kids, and a great reminder for older readers!

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318. Uphill by Jemelle Hill--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

One of the greatest things I've done with my reading this year is introduce myself to memoirs and autobiographies. I love learning about different people that I would never learn about through any other means than a book. I love reading about experiences that others have had because it has helped me widen my understanding of how others see and experience the world. UPHILL by Jemele Hill was one of those books that will stand out for me long after 2022 is gone. Her memoir sits on a mental shelf starting to fill with powerful Black women who have succeeded despite the world being so strongly against their success, and her words of justice and her refusal to cater to others are now added to my growing sense of awareness. Hill is a woman who had an extremely complicated relationship with her mother, who also had a difficult experience with her own mother. Despite the poverty, her mother's drug addictions, and the racism that Hill faced, she came out on top. She pursued her dreams and broke the generational trauma that she was raised in. Her story is incredible and seeing her form connections and meet people who either helped build her up, or tried to knock her down, is inspiring. I especially loved seeing when her sassiness and no-nonsense behaviour slipped onto the pages. Let's just say that listening to her life story told in her own voice was a treat. I'm becoming more critical of memoirs and autobiographies, but this one was just such a fantastic and eye-opening read. Please be aware of the TWs since there is mention of r@pe, sexual assault, racism, victim blaming, and physical abuse.

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319. Jackal by Erin E. Adams--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

From the get-go, JACKAL made me incredibly uncomfortable. It wasn't like in a way where I couldn't read the book because it was deeply enthralling, but in how it handled certain situations and presented the realities of small towns that flirt with the concept of being a sundown town. The overt racism was palpable. The fact alone that it is Black girls that are going missing made this even more terrifying because of how much it mirrored missing cases that are happening around the world (especially when we look at how many BIPOC girls and women go missing and the police and media do absolute shit-all.) The paranormal aspect of this was, in my opinion, the most fictitious part of this story and helped with the uneasiness I felt while reading this book. The MC is treated in such a way that the gaslighting could have set fire to the whole town. I didn't know who the villain of the story was going to be, but I did know it would be someone I wasn't expecting. This book also touches on that "One of the good ones" theory because of how the image of the missing young girl who is mixed white and black is treated by the people of the town. There is even a moment where the white mother refuses to acknowledge that her mixed daughter shouldn't be grouped with the other missing Black girls because she isn't the daughter of drunks or drug addicts. That in itself shows the otherness that can happen when a child is mixed and one of the parents is white in an extremely white town. JACKAL was creepy and uncomfortable and deeply enthralling. There is this sense of dread that lingers on the pages and you just absolutely NEED to know what is happening to these poor young girls and why they're being taken. This book, however, is not for the feint of heart. Be aware of the trigger warnings.

___

320. What We Saw by Mary Downing Hahn--⭐️⭐️.5

I don't really much to say about this one. It was surprisingly short and not at all what I was expecting. First of all, with a cover like that, I never thought that this would be more of a middle grade book (considering how old the characters are). I think this book could have used more fleshing out of the story--I think it could have been more compelling if we got to learn more about certain characters and had more time to grow attached to the characters that betrayed the MC and her best friend. I think some aspects were a little random and some of the choices made were really dumb (even though I know I always have to remind myself that these are children.) I did like the ending and how realistic it was for it to end the way it did. These characters are so young and are just learning who they are and who they might become. Of the whole book, I think that was the most realistic approach to these characters. If you want a quick thriller and if you're looking for a thriller for the younger readers in your life (no younger than 12 because some of the topics explored), then I think this one might catch their attention.

___

Happy readings!

[devondespresso]

adding more on the / vs & topic because i see it misused so often

& is not 'ship lite'. you wouldn't consider "blorbo & blorbo's mom" and "borbo/blorbo's mom" to be interchangeable, right? lots of people are decidedly not writing about romance and thats what these & tags are for, even if its between characters that are normally a popular ship. in general, if a fic is meant to be a love story (meet cute, friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, exes to lovers, etc) then you tag /, even if they were friends before getting together. you're tagging what the fic is about, not just the fact that it includes friendship. the reader will know it includes friendship with tags like "friends to lovers". (you can always go into & tags of your fandom and read a few fics tagged exclusively & to better understand that people are writing these characters in non-romantic/sexual contexts, or just take my word for it lol)

and on a similar note, try not to tag characters and pairings willy nilly unless they're important to the fic. judging how much presence is enough to justify a tag is hard even for seasoned authors at times, so don't stress too much about it, but some basic expectation is that if a character is tagged, they're going to do something in the fic. maybe they talk the focus character through their gay crisis or stir up some conflict, but usually they're a big enough part of the story that people would care to know (or be 'warned') of their involvement before reading. and for & tags, i usually assume these characters are going to talk to (or about) each other at least once, and hopefully their kind of relationship will be clear through the text (like if blorbos talking about a rough conversation with their mom, or if blorbos talking about how they and their best friend met, its clear that these are parent-child or best friends).

you can also tag "background blorbo/plinko", "mentioned blorbo/plinko", "other characters mentioned" "blorbo mentioned" and other things in Additional Tags which are perfect for those situations in between!

((also, like tumblr, you can just make up tags!! if you're struggling to figure out how to tag, you can always summarize the nuance of it in your own tag, like: "tagged / but they're idiots so it takes forever", "tagged & but could be interpreted as romantic", "tagged / but ambiguous ending", "tagged / but they're not endgame", etc.))

and finally, most ideas concerned with getting more "reach" on ao3 are going to be on lists like this. ao3 is like a library: people will go in and find the things they want to read, including your fic, no algorithm required! you wouldn't put your steamy romance novel among gritty psychological thrillers because you want to get more people seeing it, so don't do that in an archive. if you want to advertise your fic, that's best done on actual social media sites like tumblr. people are generally not mad that you want your work to be loved, they're mad that you're misusing the archive's system to do it.

If anyone's new to ao3 and has more questions or worries, there are tumblr accounts dedicated to answering questions or discussing how the site works!! @/ao3commentoftheday is one of my favourites but im sure there's more out there too!!

Reminders for new ao3 users (in no particular order):

- filter your searches like you would on a library website or in an online catalogue

- don’t post placeholders, fic searches, or recommendations as fics. DON’T! It’s against ao3 TOS

- there is no algorithm. ao3 sorts by date posted/updated unless you filter with specific search criteria

- ao3 is a non profit. that means it doesn’t sell ads to make money — it only survives on donations. this is why it can show you so many fics without ever flashing an ad or pop up at you!

- report fics that break TOS when you see them (I.e., placeholder fics, searches) to help other users navigate better

- the tag “dead dove, do not eat” doesn’t equate to gore/awfulness automatically. it is a complementary tag that enhances current tags. E.g., if the fic is tagged “gore” and “dead dove, do not eat” the author really wants you to mind the gore tag

- most fandoms have a variation of “no beta, we die like (x character)” and they all link back to the “No beta” tag

- publishing a new fic sometimes means it won’t show up in the fandom/pairing tag for a few minutes

- subscribers receive update emails at different times, depending on when you update/publish your fic. there’s no good way to predict when an e-mail will be sent — it can be in 30 seconds, or two hours later

- some fics are restricted by authors to those with ao3 accounts only. if you see a blue lock in the upper right corner, that fic is only visible to logged in ao3 users

- you can block commenters now! this didn’t use to be a thing

- updating a fic just to stay at the top of the pairing tag/fandom tag is a dick move. unless you’re legitimately editing or adding chapters, this just annoys readers and fellow authors, and people will skip over your fic

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 16: Killing Time

I came home from work and immediately fell asleep and then I woke up in the middle of the night, confused, starving, and with a headache. I think I ate too fast. But I also just really want to go back to bed, I don’t care about anything, I need to sleep.

Anyway, I finished reading Killing Time yesterday. I really, really enjoyed that book. It’s kind of baffling to me that people are sometimes so harsh on it (I’m taking this from like… one post but whatever), and I think it’s coming from this expectation that because it was censored it must be, like, literal published fanfiction, which of course it is not. It’s a pro-novel. It was published by an actual publishing house. Like, when you come at it from that perspective, it’s wild that even the edited version was put out there. But if you’re coming at it from the perspective of K/S fanfiction and you’re expecting, first of all, explicit K/S of any sort, and second, a story that prioritizes romance, you’ll be disappointed.

Or it’s just not for everyone, which is also fine.

The book definitely wasn’t perfect but I liked a lot more than I didn’t like.

Stuff I didn’t like: I had mixed feelings about the style of the prose. Sometimes it was really beautiful but other times, it felt a little clunky to me. I wasn’t a huge fan of the overuse of epithets instead of names—sort of ironic, given that’s a cliché fanfiction thing. And I found the floating third person POV to be pretty jarring, especially in the early scenes, before I got used to it. I think I prefer when each scene sticks to just one person’s limited perspective. And even the floating perspective I’ve seen done a little more deftly. These are all nitpicks though.

More seriously, I thought it was… maybe a little long. I’m on the fence about this critique because I also probably read it too slowly, and I don’t know what I would cut or rearrange. But it did sort of drag for me in the middle and I’m not convinced that this particular story needed to be quite this length. (I have 100% said this about my own writing too though lol.)

I also noticed that there were a lot of plot lines that… weren’t really abandoned per se but didn’t actually lead to anything. The crewman who tries to destroy the ship isn’t really an example because he did introduce the concept of ‘the madness is making people self-destructive because they can’t stand the universe they’re in.’ But other stories were pitched in those same very heightened ‘this could change everything, this is dire, this is life and death’ tones and then they either had no plot purpose, or were just there to move the story one slight step ahead. For example, the Admiral’s order to invade the Neutral Zone does spur Spock and McCoy to more urgent research into other weird happenings, but then it’s suddenly averted for a different mission, and then averted again when the plot just moves into a totally new direction. I get that it provides stakes. But it’s also a tease. The Canussian mission is functionally the same—you can find the purpose, but that purpose is disproportionate to the apparent stakes up front. Even Thea’s plan of using Spock as the Praetor is sort of like this… I mean we do see him in that role a while, but we get all this information on what it will be like when he meets the Romulan Council or whoever, and then he never does. We get the build-up to his big performance, but not the performance. So there are always these constant little let downs that maybe aren’t the worst because the plot is moving along, but they do add up.

I do think a couple are worse than the others, like McCoy appearing to threaten Spock when he’s still in Pon Farr (maybe we need to do something drastic!!!... and then he does nothing because Spock collapses and Thea fixes it). Or literally everything about Sarela’s boyfriend. I fully expected him to be important later, and probably even be endgame with her. But though we do get the impression that Thea will fix Sarela’s marriage problem, probably by executing Tazol, we don’t really see the conclusion of Sarela’s story fully. In fact, from the point where she and Thea arrive on the Enterprise, she almost entirely disappears from the narrative: there in the background, but without any lines let alone personal plot development. And like I kind of get this, because she was basically a stepping stone to Thea, but she is a fairly major character early on, and I was attached to her and liked her. Details like the existence of the boyfriend, or Thea’s romance with her General, actually remind me of fanfic more than almost anything else in the novel because they have this ‘everything and the kitchen sink’ quality that’s common in a form that has few editors and no gatekeepers. Like if I’m writing fanfic, I’m doing it for the love of the game, I’m doing it to play around, and it’s often more important to me that I get in little fun details, or indulgent moments, or extra world-building, or personal head canons, than that I keep everything tight and focused. But I expect details in a pro-novel like this to be a little more purposeful; I expect to be able to identify foreshadowing.

I’m using a lot of words to work out my thoughts on this and it was my least favorite aspect of the novel—the sort of disproportionate stakes and the habit of dropping details and characters and stories when they no longer intersected with the main narrative—but it wasn’t the worst. Like it’s not a strong criticism, just something I noticed and felt some frustration and uncertainty about.

There was a lot I loved, though, in particular:

The characterization. At first I thought the beginning was kind of slow and I just wanted to get to the AU already but I think she took her time up front to prove she knew the characters and could be trusted making major changes to them in Second History. I thought the voices were just perfect, the mannerisms spot on, and the internal dialogue fitting, especially Spock's, which is maybe a little tougher given his alien nature.

The whole thing, largely because of the characterization but also because of the type of story, the sci fi angle, the intrigue, the crew working together, etc., felt like one very long TOS episode. Less so later I think—the Romulans would not have been so deeply explored in an episode, maybe a movie, and the ending was pretty sad for show installment—but the beginning felt so soothing and fun for me. And the plot as a whole, even as it expanded and got more complex, had a very Classic Trek feel.

The Romulans! Look, D.C. Fontana was objectively correct that the Romulans were the best antagonists, and I really liked how they were developed here. I’ve adopted all of this as my Romulan culture head canon. I loved, loved, loved my favorite TOS guest star Thea coming back and getting more personality and back story and I was really fond of Sarela as well—and their little sexually charged friendship, I said what I said. They were sympathetic while still being IC as members of a colonizing, warlike, violent culture, with a little bit of a Pre-Reform Vulcan flair.

The K/S Stuff. Absolutely wild that this was published. It’s not the little details here and there: it’s the romance baked into the core. It’s like the show but more obvious. I mean as soon as I saw both how important the K-S mind link was and how casually it was included I was like… this person knows The Premise. Like, I’m not even that into the mind link stuff (touch telepathy ftw) but it’s such a big thing in K/S fandom. If you know you know. But also the whole fated to be thing, Thea’s jealousy, the obvious paralleling of Kirk and Thea and the way Spock is posited as making a CHOICE between them. What man is worth the whole universe? Dying in each other’s arms? Okay sir. Just two bros in a hot tub chilling six feet apart because they’re not gay.

The science fiction aspect. I really like time travel stuff, it’s one of my favorite tropes, and I thought it was explored in a really thoughtful and interesting way here. I liked the idea that the Romulans do this a lot, and I liked the sort of… fragility or perhaps strength of the universe, the unexpected consequence aspect.

Look, I rank real TOS episodes (and movies) based mostly on a balancing of three criteria; is the science fiction aspect interesting; is the characterization good; and is the plot enjoyable/well-constructed? Some TOS episodes are fun to watch and well plotted but have iffy characterization. Some have a great sci fi concept but the plot is not as tight or coherent as it could be. Etc. Etc. The best have all three. I think Killing Time had excellent characterization and an A+ sci fi idea and the plot was fun, complex, and interesting, and it all tied together well in the end. As I said above, I had some mixed feelings about some aspects of its construction. But not so mixed to change my opinion of the whole. So overall I’d say, a good read, a fun time, would recommend.

[demonlovesangel]

Azriel and his feelings

There's something that's been bothering me since Acosf and the bonus chapter came up, and it's people dismissing Az's feelings or desires because he doesn't talk about them and we just see a little bit of him through his PoV.

First of all, Az is a morally grey character, he's by far the most mysterious one in the Acotar world and we know for a fact he doesn't express his feelings and always has a neutral expression on his face.

That brings me to my next point: Az doesn't express his feelings to other people. Every single time he doesn't show what he feels the other characters assume from the look on his face, his shadows, if he stiffens, etc. He always tries to hide them, why? Probably because of his trauma and it's also part of his personality. He's quiet and secretive, and he's a spy. It's kind of obvious he would be like this.

And what about when he does express them even if he doesn't want to? They almost always come up as anger. Even Rhys said there was an icy rage inside Az that he was never able to thaw. That's expressed in a pretty clear way.

Let's look at different scenes:

When Mor was called a slut by Eris he literally jumped on him and blocked anyone who tried to interfere.

When he was injured and people were being killed in the war he said to Rhys he could chain him to a tree and he would still fly.

When Elain was kidnapped he got mad as hell and didn't care if he died.

When Feyre was insulted by Tamlin he got angry and defended her.

Almost every insult or threat towards Elain ends up in him getting angry.

Those are just to name a few. We also know sometimes when he's happy he can't hide it:

When Mor gave him a gift on Winter Solstice he had to hide his smile.

When Elain gave him the gift on their first Winter Solstice together and he couldn't contain his laughter.

When he finds something amusing like Cass trying to hit on Nesta and it doesn't work.

Or someone making a joke that he finds funny.

And a lot of cute scenes of him smiling at Elain.

I'm lazy to look at all the scenes but you get the point.

Where am I going with this? He shows just a bit of what he feels to the rest of the IC, and when he's feeling vulnerable he hides his emotions. Like when Rhys asked him why he wasn't following Lucien in Acofas.

And before you come at me with "he showed no romantic feelings for Elain" I have 2 things to say about that. First and most important he has never said he loved Mor, not even to her, everyone assumed what he felt because of how he looked at her and the way his shadows brightened and left when he was around her, "quietly loving Mor" was even mentioned in Acowar.

And second and most important of all, haven't you paid attention at how he looks at Elain and treats her throughout 4 books? When it comes to her we see Azriel show more emotions than with anyone else: happiness, sadness and anger depending on the context. Don't even get me started on his PoV that confirmed everything. And yes, he hasn't said he loves Elain because obviously something as important as that won't be said in a bonus chapter that's meant to tease and point out a plot for the next book.

Honestly if someone has read all of SJM's books, they should know by now that her endgame couples are slow-burn romances with a lot of foreshadowing. They should also know they confess their feelings after a lot of drama and almost at the end of the book. And something steamy always happens before they say they love each other. It's not surprising at all that both Elain and Azriel haven't said anything about that.

And it's not surprising either considering how Azriel is that he shows his caring through anger, sadness and desire. Has anyone been paying attention to him? Because if they were they wouldn't be upset at all about how his mind works and what he chooses to say. He chose to let his anger rise to meet Rhysand's, he chose not to let his feelings be known but just a scrap of them because he doesn't feel comfortable letting himself open like that. He never talks about how he feels and we're certainly not going to get that now, when his full length novel hasn't even been released. It's the same as it was with Nesta, why is it so hard to understand?

So stop saying Azriel doesn't feel love. Stop dismissing him because his thoughts and actions are not suited for you. He's his own person and what you feel or think doesn't invalidate what he feels or thinks. His feelings will be known in his own book and probably after a lot of drama, as I said, just like with Nessian and Feysand. And I actually expect him to break as Nesta did in her own book, he's been hiding too much for too long.

[randomidiocyncrazies]

lmao every time i (re)read Imperial Uncle there’s something new to think about... spoilers for the endgame romance for the novel, but it’s kind of funny how the book (and author) is kinda infamous for having ‘ambiguous’ romantic plots,  and i actually. kind of. dig that??? relationships are messy and they’re not always neatly shelved; there isn’t necessarily always a clear ‘real’ love interest in romance. 

(though to be honest, i actually think Da Feng makes the ‘main’ love interests pretty clear in Imperial Uncle and Peach Blossom Debt... she always reserves the most lavish descriptions for them. 

i think people complain because 1) she usually doesn’t introduce the ‘main’ LI until the other important characters have already appeared; in Peach Blossom Debt the real love interest doesn’t really show up until like. 9 chapters in? something like that. whereas the other LI has interacted with the MC quite a bit by that point, and in normal danmei logic it’d make sense for the other LI to get with MC. similarly, the LI that the MC of Imperial Uncle ends up with is only mentioned a couple of chapters in, while the other important characters have already interacted with the MC on-screen (though he’s also the first guy MC explicitly mentions being in love with -- even though the person he’s in love with is just a fantasy of what MC thinks the LI is like at the time)

2) she also uses 1st person in the three danmei books i’ve read by her. the information conveyed to the reader is limited by the narrator’s narrow point of view -- hell, one of the most enjoyable things about Imperial Uncle is to look at what MC isn’t saying, or what MC has misinterpreted, and figure out what’s actually going on. therefore, some of the character dynamics/backstories are intentionally concealed at first, either because the narrator doesn’t know, the narrator doesn’t want to think about it, or the narrator does not consider it important enough to talk about it in their internal narration.

3) there are always multiple love interests, and they’re usually all likeable or at least sympathetic, but do not necessarily get a happy romantic ending of their own. the level of reciprocation varies in the 3 books I’ve read: MC is only really ever interested in 1 LI in Peach Blossom Debt; MC is torn between the two LIs in Imperial Uncle (though the first guy he fell for is also the one he ends up with); and in Spring Once More it’s a harem ending lmao, though given where she chooses to end the story it’s bittersweet at best. since each LI is sympathetic and have their own compelling dynamic with the MC, you get a lot of people conflicted about whether they like the official pairing the most, or would rather the other LIs end up with the MC.)

and now to, imo, the most controversial shipping dispute of Imperial Uncle. discussions of potential incest. 

i genuinely think Imperial Uncle is a book with romance, rather than a romance; while the MC’s romantic woes takes up a lot of his internal narration, the scene of actually getting together with the endgame LI is very, very understated. at its core, the novel is really about the burden of being a part of the royal family, of being unable to have normal family dynamics due to the politics involved in the position of being related to the emperor, of having your motives questioned due to who you’re related to. the most important relationship in the book is undoubtedly the one between the MC and his emperor-nephew, but it’s not a romantic relationship (at least not from the MC’s side). 

however, because it’s a danmei, and the MC does agonize over his love life for a solid chunk of the book, some folks take ‘the most important relationship’ to automatically mean ‘the most important romantic relationship’. folks have argued that, because the MC cares about his emperor-nephew’s safety and is willing to make sacrifices to ensure that, it must mean that the MC is ~secretly in love~ with the emperor but cannot admit it due to the ~taboo~ aspect of it... because uhhh apparently romance is only reason why anyone would care about someone else???

like, while i think you can interpret the emperor’s feelings to possibly be ambiguously romantic (i personally don’t read it as romantic, but i can see why people come to that conclusion), i just. cannot see any interpretation where the MC’s feelings are romantic rather than familial; he thinks of him as a kid who’s forced to grow up way too fast, i really don’t see how people read romance into that sentiment. also: this is a reminder that the novel explores how royal family dynamics are inherently dysfunctional, where everyone can’t help but be paranoid about each other’s motives even if they’re a family and only have the best of intentions. incestuous romance is very much not the point.

(though to be fair, one of the LIs does turn out to be secretly related to the MC -- the MC’s father is the brother of the LI’s grandfather -- and the MC is distraught when he’s forced to confront it. That's the final nail in the coffin, and they do not end up together.)

anyway, it’s late and i’m losing my train of thought, but one of the reasons i enjoy Imperial Uncle despite its flaws because it’s a book with a romantic component, but the most important relationship portrayed in the books isn’t a romance. i think that’s pretty neat. not to mention the fact that MC is very much not on the same page as the rest of the cast for large chunks of the book, and the fact that MC is... kind of a liar in the sense that he has a tendency to think he’s in the right and innocent, even though once you step out from his POV you can see why other people don’t see it like that.

(like. “oh the other princes of my generation don’t like me bc they’re determined to see me as a threat to the emperor’s safety” while casually committing a breach of etiquette in a way that could be read as showing disrespect to the other princes and potentially the emperor... or being all “I’ve received less and less invitations to banquets at the palace over the years” while he declines every single one of his nephew’s invitations to come dine with him at the palace. gee i wonder why you don’t get invitations, dumbass)

[idrellegames]

Hi! I'm so curious about your writing process! I was wondering, do you have like, drafts of random scenes that will come up later, or do you keep everything entirely in your mind until its time to put it in the game? I personally always write drafts for the scenes i like even before its time for them in the plot but then i get so distracted by these 😅 Anyway, you are incredible and I hope you're having a nice day!

Hiya! 💗

My writing process for Wayfarer is pretty different from how I usually write. I typically prefer writing in chronological order, but on small(er?), contained projects I sometimes jump around depending on what I want to write on a given day. I have a two-act play where I wrote the first act and then the third act and left the second act for last because it was the hardest. 😅

But because Wayfarer is as much a game as it is a web novel, the scope makes it impossible for me to skip around. The number of variations and the way they compound to create unique results and outcomes makes it necessary for me to write in chronological order. I can't start working on scenes from later chapters because I'm not sure where exactly the emotional throughline of the characters is going to land before I've written the material that precedes a specific scene, and I'm also not exactly sure which variables I need to track because I haven't created them yet.

For a project as large as this one, I rely heavily on a rigorous outlining process. I have a master beat chart that gives the rough overview of the major events in each chapter and the most important plot points of each act. I don't go into the nitty-gritty details here, the master chart is specifically for the overall plot of the game.

I have smaller beat charts that go into greater detail for each Act so I can have a clear sense of the pacing (plans for romance/friendship scenes and main character side quests go here). And then when I start working on a chapter, I create a full chapter outline and smaller separate, detailed outlines for each major section and the branches within that section. These are usually done in a way so as I'm writing each branch, I can quickly check off all the things I need to account for as I complete them.

When I'm actually writing new material for the game, I work in sections leading up to a bottleneck (a bottleneck is when all relevant paths/choices lead back to the same scene).

So, for example, right now I'm working on a large endgame sequence in Route B where Aeran and the MC have to return to the Count (returning to the Count is a bottleneck, it's a plot event that will always happen). This sequence is divided into three sections, depending on the player's previous choices. Each of those three sections are further subdivided into branches that split again depending on skill checks before they bottleneck back onto the same path.

The game's mechanics often mean I'm dealing with 4 outcomes per choice. Even though the player only sees 2 choices (like a Strength choice and an Agility choice), the passage actually leads to 4 possible outcomes (i.e. 1 for passing Strength, 1 for failing Strength, 1 for passing Agility and 1 for failing Agility) or more if there are alternative, non-skill based choices.

It becomes a lot to keep track of, so I colour-code everything in my Word document. I also make a list at the start of each major section or branch that covers all of the possible results so I don't miss anything. It basically turns into a game of "Did I do all the orange choices? OK, yes, we can move on now." 😂

Once I've finished all the material for a branch, I'll put an X next to it so I know I've written it and move on to the next branch. I also include notes about any approval changes or variables I need to flag here so I don't forget them when I start coding. I don't like coding directly in Word, it just makes things more difficult to read and keep track of when I start putting new game content into Twine.

I keep an Excel file that tracks all the variables (their names and whether they're a boolean, a string, an array or an integer), what choice they track, what sequence/area they first appeared in, and whether or not they will continue to be used after the end of the chapter. I unset variables when I'm done with them to help keep the game's memory size down (Wayfarer is going to be huge, so any excess stuff in the background needs to be trimmed).

When I'm writing a scene, I try my best to stay in that scene and not worry about anything outside of it. Otherwise, I would get easily overwhelmed by the amount of content I have to create to stay true to the game's vision.

When I have really specific ideas for a scene that occurs much later in the game, I usually jot them down alongside some rough dialogue for later reference (I have a few Mel, Ren and Calla romance scenes that currently exist in this form). I also keep a journal or a stack of paper next to me while I'm writing so I can write down any ideas that may spring up for later incorporation. Writing them down right away and moving on helps me keep my focus where it needs to be.

I also keep a separate sheet for any edits/changes to code/lore changes for existing material I may think of as I write. When I work on a patch for the game, I always tackle the things on that list first before I move on to bug reports.

And that's about it. 😅

[elriel-oblivion]

Okay here's the thing.. I respect everyone's opinions and they can ship whoever they want but like... For Elucien and Gwynriel... I literally cannot even see how. I would gladly ship them if someone gave me a valid reason. Elain avoids talking or even being in the same room as Lucien, and Azriel had one polite conversation with Gwyn. Az is just nice to her. As nice as he would be to any female. Elriel has foreshadowing & chemistry- The roses painted on her drawer and the rose necklace...👀

Strongly agree with all of this!! My main problem with anything that's not elriel is that a lot of anti-elriel shippers completely ignore or erase Elain. With these ships, it's always what benefits Elain does or doesn't bring. It's so misogynistic, people just ignore everything she's mentioned about her own heart and how she doesn't want a mate or the bond, she doesn't care for it, but oh Lucien's had such a hard life, he deserves his mate!!!!!

😒😒😒

Surely he deserves someone who wants him as much as he wants them, no?

Non-elriel-endgame with the canon we currently have would mean Elain's choices are stripped once again since she'd have to give up/lose the love she actually wants in favour of one she doesn't want that's attached to some cultural concept that means zilch to her and her human heart. I mean, sure sjm could spin it so Elain catches feelings for Lucien and they end up happily mated. But then what is the point of having Elain constantly avoid him for three books? That's not even setting up for a good relationship bc every time they interact/meet, the communication just gets worse.

While I can honestly see the potential of gwynriel bc platonic interactions can later become romantic, I still don't ship it bc it doesn't feel right the way elriel does to me. I can def see gwynriel becoming a strong healthy friendship, but if it's endgame then Elain ends up with Lucien, whom she visibly shrinks from and has been avoiding since acowar. She doesn't feel seen by him at all - as much as I love Lucien and truly do want him to have his own HEA, we can't deny that he's really just pursuing (I use pursuing in the loosest way since he's very respectful about it 😅) Elain bc of the bond. If we take that away, there's nothing between them imo and he probably wouldn't give Elain more than a passing glance for her beauty and that's it bc she's not the type of girl he's into.

But people don't wanna think about how that makes Elain feel. This girl who previously felt seen by only one person - who then rejected her bc of that bond itself - and craves someone to see who she truly is, is being courted by someone who doesn't actually like her for her, but just the idea of what a relationship with her would entail. He's only trying bc of some divine belief she doesn't share. That must suck like hell. It's almost objectfying, the bond. And again, I don't blame Lucien at all, not even for trying bc it is something that's important to him and his culture, but it's not a mutual thing. If it were important to Elain too and she just wasn't cooperating bc of some stupid shallow reason, then I'd be angry at her. But that's not the case at all.

But with Azriel, the first person to see her since Graysen, there's so much potential for growth - for both of them. They make each other feel seen. And for all that antis say neither has grown in the time they've known each other, how did Az pluck up the courage to almost kiss Elain after having not done anything with Mor for five centuries? How did Elain initiate that kiss - ie have the courage to follow her heart again after having it torn and shredded by Graysen? And anyway, weve never seen into Elain's head so we don't know what she feels has changed within her; we can only detect subtle changes from other povs, but there might be some huge changes in her learnt from Azriel, maybe about her outlook on life/strength, that she's just keeping hidden for the time (or that no one has bothered to see bc Elain is invisible 😭). Same with Azriel. One little chapter isn't gonna tell us everything he's been thinking the past two years.

But either way, we know now that they both have feelings for each other. Why is a mutual healthy relationship shut down so quickly, one where both partners' choices are taken heed of? If Elain had said no in that moment, Azriel would've stepped back instantly, no questions asked. He probably would've have some huge internal conflict about his own self worth but he wouldn't have gone further without Elain's consent. He's already shown he respects her, he said they've been sharing looks and touches, and these are things fandom eat up, so I don't understand why it's suddenly wrong or unwanted just bc Elain makes up half the ship.

And there's so much foreshadowing/symbolism that antis seem oblivious to, which, fair enough, interpret the text how you want. But even if somebody doesn't see the spark or blooming feelings between the pair throughout the books (how do they explain away all the stiffness whenever one of them is mentioned or is in the same room or something though? Genuinely curious here), there's a lot of plot foreshadowing. The Blood Duel has now been mentioned twice, as has the idea of breaking the bond, maybe more. There's the issue with Koschei and Elain not being able to see things related to him past mist and shadow. There's all this potential conflict that could arise between the Courts if elriel pursue their love, and conflict is the driving force of any novel.

If gwynriel were an IRL couple, I wouldn't care if there were never any conflict, but if I'm reading their story, I want more than just them falling in love and having internal conflict about whether they should kiss the other or not. Especially if the backdrop is a fantasy world on the brink of war with many players. I saw a gwynriel post mentioning Merrill once and while I do think she has the potential to be a running antagonist, I don't see her as anything but a subplot/crony for/associate with another stronger villain. I don't think she could carry a whole novel at the moment. So Gwyn is tied to nothing in the overarching plot. Same with Az. Not to mention all the theories about the Koschei/Swan Lake/firebird folklore that is potentially inspiring this new series in the acotar world. Of course, this could all change as we get more info about the next book/s and all, but compared to elriel certainly, I don't think there's as much conflict with gwynriel.

Ultimately, I don't claim knowledge of the next books' content, so I don't really care what people ship, but the main thing I take issue with is how they treat Elain in the midst. A lot of gwynriel arguments I've seen portray certain acts in a romantic/positive light for Gwyn but either completely ignore or erase any semblance of romance for Elain or tear her down. Like, we shouldn't push the narrative that Gwyn as an SA survivor can't have healthy meaningful sex in the future (yeah, of course I agree), yet some of the same people who say that are also people who judge and make fun of Elain and call her too vanilla for Az without having a clue what her bedroom habits/preferences are 🤯 This is just one of many. There are so many double standards I've seen for gwynriel against elriel and I'm just tired of it. And even if they're not doing any of that, they simply hate Elain and don't want her to be with Az and so ship gwynriel as the next best alternative. Like, can they not push down Elain in favour of Gwyn, please? That's so misogynistic 🤮

For all that this fandom flaunts the series being feminist with strong female characters, they sure do a good job in tearing down females who don't fit their definition of strong, despite even Feyre stating and acknowledging multiple times that Elain has a different kind of strength 😒

Gahhhhhhh. *exhales deeeeeeeeply* Sorry this is so damn LONG!! 😅😅😅😅😅 I did not expect to write a whole bloody essay lol but I hope it was fun/comforting to read at least 😅😆 I know I fall back on elriel posts when the ship war gets too intense bc I actually enjoy shipping elriel. They've become my otp, and I absolutely adore both characters of the ship; I think most of us elriels do. I haven't really seen any elriel stans who dislike/don't care for Elain and her welfare so it's nice being in this corner of the fandom where we can appreciate both Az and Elain equally. And of course, the other characters with their due respect. I truly do want Lucien to finally get his good life, but I don't think that's with Elain 😕

[strideofpride]

DAIR APPRECIATION WEEK 2021 DAY ONE: Why do you love Dan and Blair?

I broke down what I love about Dan and Blair into five parts under a read more below. The tldr is: their compatibility, their parallel arcs, their slow burn, the larger message it would've given GG if they were endgame, and finally their mature, adult relationship (aka "pure and simple love").

Warning: I basically wrote a fucking essay lmao. Cited my sources and everything.

I. Compatibility

Dan and Blair have great chemistry sure, but they have something that I don't think any other pairing on the show really had: common interests. They were pseudo-intellectuals who could talk about books, literature, art, etc. with each other ("Dan and I have a real connection. We did things like visit the Dia and debate Charbol versus Rohmer..."). And I know in TV world all anyone cares about is chemistry, but in the real world the key to a long lasting relationship is common interests.

And yet they are also still an opposite attracts pairing, just in the best way, where they are opposite in personality and background, but still share lots of common interests. Blair was the rich mean girl from the Upper East Side and Dan the "poor" loser from Brooklyn, but they still can relate to one another, they can still find stuff to talk about together, they still come to enjoy each other's presence and friendship.

And back to their chemistry: it isn't steamy chemistry 100% all the time (although they can certainly go there). Their's is a sweet chemistry, a chemistry where it's clear that they respect each other, that they know each other on a deep level, that they understand each other more than anyone else. It's a chemistry that you believe could lead to a satisfying marriage one day.

And I know I've said this before, but to me Dan and Blair are just soulmates.

II. Parallel Arcs

I am such a sucker for when two characters' life journeys parallel one another and Dair had that in spades. In season 1 especially, they were both dealing with the abandonment of a parent (Dan's mom/Blair's dad), they both lost their virginities and entered into sexual relationships with much more experienced partners (Serena & Chuck), and they both had their sights set on one school (Yale & Dartmouth - although come season 2 this became Yale for Dan, giving them even more in common).

I've also already talked on here about how you can parallel all of their other romantic/sexual relationships to one another, as well as how they both were abandoned by their best friends sophomore year. And, they both have a bad habit of going back to the same person over and over again (again, Serena & Chuck).

To me, Dan and Blair are almost narrative foils. Dan's relationship with his father starts out pretty solid but deteriorates over time - Blair's relationship with her mother is the exact opposite. Dan pines, while Blair loves to live in denial. Blair sees her life as a movie, Dan sees his life as a novel.

And that makes it all the more satisfying to see them come together, to learn to appreciate their differences, to accept their similarities, to see them grow together (albeit briefly) over seasons 4 and 5.

III. Slow Burn

A lot of people on here use this word incorrectly. If the characters kiss during season 1 (unless it’s under false pretenses) it’s not a slow burn! But Dan and Blair are a true slow burn (whether or not that was intentional).

From that hallway scene in 1x04, it's clear that Dan and Blair have a deeper connection and understanding of each other than they are letting on. We get brief glimpses into that in 1x15, 2x08, 3x18, and 3x22. All of that very slow build up makes it all the more satisfying when they become friends in season 4.

I truly think the W arc is the best written arc of the entire show. You very slowly see them accept their common interests, grow to begrudgingly respect one another, even begin to accept that there might be an attraction there. It never feels rushed, when they kiss in 4x17, it's earned (I use this word a lot - buckle in).

And then, yeah, the Louis arc was fucky (I stand by that they should've kept the love triangle Dan vs. Chuck, or Dan vs. Louis, all three was too much). But Dan standing by Blair through everything she went through that season was beautiful, to see her depend on Dan in her darkest moments, to see her realize that he's the one who will always be there for her...it just really, really worked.

And so that moment when Blair finally calls him "Dan" to his face, when it becomes clear they are finally going to be together...it's one of the single most satisfying moments in the entire show. Because, again, it was earned.

IV. Larger Message

As this video essay posits, the showrunners were left with a choice after the 2008 economic recession: "Either adjust to the times or lean further into an escapist fantasy where extreme wealth is the status quo...and lean they did. For the sake of providing their audience with an escape, the dark underbelly of extreme affluence became the show's core theme. The more it began to sell cynical opulence as standard escapism, the more the writers and fans turned on the less wealthy characters."

Furthermore, by revealing Dan as Gossip Girl, "It transitions him from pretentious soft boy to borderline sociopath, actively ruining the lives of his friends, family, and crush just to get a foothold in Upper East Side society. And then the show did something it had seldom deemed to do for a less wealthy character: it rewarded him...And thus, the show presented us with the most insidious message of all: wealth, privilege, and power corrupt...and that's okay."

By having Chuck & Blair and Dan & Serena as endgame, GG became one of the most cynical shows on the planet, where (to quote Constance Grady) "all relationships are transactional".

But yet: "The sole bright spot in the midst of this cold universe in which relationships are bought and sold like real estate came in the form of Blair’s brief season four romance with Dan...it marked the last hurrah of the first version of Gossip Girl: In a world in which money is so powerful that it makes romantic relationships indistinguishable from prostitution, Dan and Blair were working to create an authentic, meaningful bond outside of the influence of wealth and privilege."

If Dan and Blair had been endgame (and Dan hadn't been GG - although we all know that one is bullshit anyway), it would've been a rebuke to that ideology, it would've shown that there is more to a good marriage than a shared tax bracket, that a genuine connection is more important than wealth and privilege. That abuse does not equal love.

But alas, that was not the story they wanted to tell I guess.

V. Mature, Adult Relationship (aka "Pure & Simple Love")

I am personally not much of a fan of grand romantic gestures. I often find them shallow, childish, and showy. To me, it is far more romantic for Dan to have secretly written a book about Blair, for Blair to submit Dan's article to Vanity Fair, for Dan to say "it wouldn't to me" when Blair asks if it would matter if she was pregnant with another man's child (especially since this moment is (take a shot here), you guessed it, earned - we know he's being honest because we already saw him do this with Milo).

Now, I am personally not as much of a fan of the Met Steps moment as everyone else (Blair's desire to be royalty is probably the thing I like least about her), but that was probably Dan's grandest romantic gesture and yet...it's still so simple. It's really just a plastic tiara and a cab ride. Which is what makes it so beautiful. Because it's not about the money or the extravagance or showing off to anyone else...it's about Dan showing Blair he truly knows her. And to me, that's the healthiest way to do a romantic gesture.

I also love their bad sex arc in 5x18 because a) it's real - most real world couples don't have earth shattering sex the first time together, it takes time to learn what your partner likes and needs and b) because they actually (after getting drunk at Dorota's & Nate's) communicate about it and work out their problem like adults.

Because that's the thing about Dan and Blair - it's a real adult relationship. It's not a never-ending game of cat and mouse, it's not a fallback, it's not a bad habit...everything else just melts away when they're together. They grew and changed together...they learned to put aside their prejudices and see each other beyond their facades. They became better people together. They always had someone they knew they could turn to.

And that's what true love is supposed to be.

[phoenixtakaramono]

SUMMARY: Let it not be said that Shen Yuan didn’t know how to be an accomplished—arguably better—writer than Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky! A middle-aged author in his hubris, he’d unknowingly triggered his fate and had his consciousness whisked away into an unfathomable mystical world that he would later learn to be based on Proud Immortal Demon Way and his very own work-in-progress. When given the opportunity to customize his character’s stats and to design his one remaining Customizable Skill Slot, as a veteran reader of transmigration stories and their tropes, Shen Yuan demanded, “Grant me the protagonist’s halo of course!”The SYSTEM was silent all but for a minute. 

【Understood. Unique Skill "PROTAGONIST'S HALO" activated. Esteemed Host, you share the Unique Skill "PROTAGONIST'S HALO" with one other.】

“Who?”

【This world’s Luo Binghe. From the original novel series.】

“...Hold on, I need some time to process this.”

(Little did Shen Yuan know that this world’s Luo Binghe is the same sadistic “Bing gē” from the released Extra short story. It was also too bad that Shen Yuan, in his mortal form, resembled Shen Qingqiu by a good thirty-to-forty percent.)

There was an important takeaway to be had from tonight’s interaction: Shen Yuan had asserted his place as the lord of this residence and as Luo Binghe’s future ally.

Several thoughts had, however, been plaguing him ever since Shen Yuan gifted Luo Binghe the handscrolls, leaving like the composed gentleman he was while the half-demon pondered over the newfound revelations for the night. Those thoughts filled Shen Yuan’s brain with a renewed vigor that his exhausted body did not feel, roiling through him as he changed into his night clothes. Even now, lying down with his hands folded over his stomach, they consumed his mind as he stared up at the azure, gauzy canopy that looked eerily similar to the one in the guest bedchamber that Luo Binghe now slept in.

Wisps of hazy white rose from the lotus-shaped censer he’d brought to his bed. The coals within were still fresh in the copper, keeping him warm in the night, with the fragrance of sandalwood circulating within the room.

His unyielding companion, the blue text box, hovered above. Shen Yuan kept his gaze averted from it; he had read and reread the Chinese characters countless times that if he closed his eyes, he could still see the most recent notification engraved in his mind’s eye.

【Prediction! Future Event <<A NIGHT OF PASSION>> has been changed into <<LOADING CHEKHOV'S GUN>>. You have reached the conditions to clear the scenario. Countdown commencing. Reward: B-Points +50.】

The planes of his face were bathed in a soft blue glow as he ruminated. Shen Yuan couldn’t find it within him to feel any guilt or to throw blame at anyone other than himself. He’d unlocked the <<TRUE END>> main scenario and, judging by how the <<SYSTEM>> was not giving him a choice, he had to build that rapport between themselves and see that friendship through.

These are the seeds you’ve sown, he reminded himself. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome. He could only dig his hands into the soil and watch the seeds slowly bear fruit.

Bing gē—or, rather, Luo Binghe—was not a 2D character on paper; he was now a real person who breathed and talked and had a will of his own. Even so, Shen Yuan didn’t know the extent of the ramifications if an extraordinary “prodigy” gained self-awareness that he was the male protagonist of a fictional erotica series.

It’d be interesting. If someone found out one day that they were a precious existence in a world which catered to them because of “narrative convenience,” they’d naturally become audacious. All the attractive people belonged to them, hearts were won over for no real reason, and enemies would be seen as less of a threat and more as an annoyance in the eyes of a protagonist with infinite power levels. Shen Yuan could envision it; Luo Binghe would probably behave more recklessly, bolstered by the certainty that he was protected by plot armor. He’d be a spoilt menace in a male power fantasy world—riding the power trip until the novelty wore off inevitably.

The corners of Shen Yuan’s mouth curved. He didn’t know how likeminded Luo Binghe was, but if he thought like he did, he’d exploit his advantages. A protagonist’s existence was akin to a cockroach, dragged from door’s death each time without fail.

This was not merely a case of schadenfreude—another difficult foreign term he’d learned during his pursuit as a novelist—where he reveled in another person’s misfortunes. It was a well-established trope in all forms of literature that when a person was casually dropped into a life-or-death situation, they would resurface as calamities. Since Luo Binghe was an important main character, he would naturally benefit.

...Sorry, youngster. Shen Yuan raised a white flag in commiseration for him in his heart. I didn’t mean to conscript you, but you must continue to work hard. Nationalistic pride exists among many Chinese writers.

Even pre-enlightened Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had not been exempt from that.

In most narratives, a protagonist’s role was to rise above the rest and “smash the system.” They were akin to power kegs just waiting to be ignited.

Shen Yuan squinted up at the UI, his eyes beginning to water from its bright glow. He blinked rapidly, but the strain in his eyes refused to ease. This better not be the sort of tale where he and Luo Binghe had to compete to establish who was the one true protagonist, having to assert narrative dominance. Shen Yuan had no intention of pulling aggro to himself.

Raising a forearm up to shadow his vision, he groaned. He declared to no one, “Airplane brother, you’ve done your first son a great disservice.”

(He couldn’t help thinking the author had done a disservice to the original Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan among many others.)

The events that had played out tonight strengthened Shen Yuan’s conviction. He could now see how people easily fell for Luo Binghe’s act; the charisma of a stallion protagonist was potent. Even so, he had capitalized on his goodwill—and Luo Binghe’s strange fixation—hoping continuous acts of kindness being demonstrated toward him would soften him toward Shen Yuan and prove his intentions were sincere. His goal to leave a favorable impression was already well underway, with the endgame of establishing how it would be in Luo Binghe’s best interests to remember Shen Yuan’s acts of compassion and to return them tenfold in the future.

Should Shen Yuan prove himself to be of use, surely even a cutthroat person like Bing gē would not discard a loyal comrade—no, a valuable asset—during his rise to power?

Under no circumstances must Luo Binghe see the strange celestial fortuneteller as a threat or as a jealous rat. In the stories where the main character was an antihero, the few ways to survive their malice was by entering their harem, becoming the sole lover, being exiled—like Luo Binghe’s rival, the “second male lead” Gongyi Xiao—or becoming an indispensable friend or ally. Even though Shen Yuan was protected by plot armor, he should not assume its protection was absolute. His own transmigration here was proof that life was full of unknown variables.

But with Luo Binghe’s appearance here, his days of treating the other protagonist’s existence like colorless air were over.

To avoid future headaches, the only method Shen Yuan could foresee showing his fellow protagonist that his services were indispensable was by lending him his intelligence—and his predictions of the future. As the ancient proverb went, a friend who brings coal in the snow is most precious. If he availed to continue fostering goodwill and his undying support, those efforts would be rewarded handsomely. As a protagonist of the xianxia genre, Luo Binge followed a code of honor—even more so as a cultivator taught in the martial and mystical arts.

He recalled the last question Luo Binghe had asked of him before Shen Yuan left, regarding the compatibility of his fated person.

What he’d told Luo Binghe during the palm-reading was admittedly due to Shen Yuan’s own internal bias. It’d made Shen Yuan want to laugh at his own past naivety. He had to reevaluate everything he’d erroneously taken to be true and canon.

As a novelist, Peerless Cucumber wasn’t as generous as Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky who’d spoiled his stallion protagonist with far-too-easy conquests as a result of pandering to his audience with fanservice. While Shen Yuan’s unique stamp was focusing less on romance and more on worldbuilding, he developed his romances gradually; like reality, his characters had to learn to work with each other’s strengths and flaws, overcome challenges, mutually pine for each other, and to be able to see a future together.

Only then did the payoff seem all the more impactful in his storylines.

A conflicted expression descended upon Shen Yuan’s face.

While there was entertainment to be had following the adventures of a “blackened” antihero crushing his opponents under his foot, Shen Yuan couldn’t help but count his blessings again that he wasn’t a young woman who had been reincarnated in the body of the villainess or a side character. That archetype always seemed to hope to enjoy her new lavish life in the sidelines watching the romance unfold between the male and female leads, but was swept into the mechanisms of palace intrigue—secret schemes and political power struggles—when the male lead inevitably turned his attention towards her.

Shen Yuan also took solace in his good fortune of not having been transmigrated into the body of an antagonist or a cannon fodder—which meant it wasn’t necessary for him to embrace the plot device of hugging the protagonist’s golden thighs and painstakingly preserving the pretense of being another person.

There were two less flags to be concerned over.

His purpose here was to surpass his rival in the danmei genre. That meant there must be two male leads. But Luo Binghe didn’t come from his own intellectual properties; his creation had been birthed from Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’s imagination.

In this case, since it was a crossover, didn’t that mean Shen Yuan had essentially adopted Luo Binghe as his male lead? So as his responsibility, wouldn’t that mean he’d have to find the xiǎo láng gǒu—little wolfdog—a love interest? Give him an OTP? Help him tie the knot?

...Would it truly be okay if this tired uncle wrote a predestined romance for once? As much as Shen Yuan favored defying expectations, there was a formulaic structure that made their literature different from those in the Western market whose shocking narratives could not only arouse pity in their audience, but also a sense of awe, excitement, fear, and suffering.

Chinese protagonists were not always someone of high society; they often hailed from humble origins as a device for the writer to underscore the merits of working hard and to criticize the system—a fictional one though, to avoid absolute censorship by the Chinese government. Their heroes began as nothing more than a windblown leaf in the social structure and years of ethical traditions set in place. They started on the bottom rungs of society to draw people’s attention to their lives, to the injustice and unfairness, which made their struggles and triumphs all the more impactful to the reader.

The fates of the leading characters were tied to the juxtaposition of the harmonious ideal of society and the reality of a flawed system. Chinese tales were inherently romantic oftentimes, with tragic conflicts written to emphasize the beauty of a bond and rousing sympathy and pity for their plight. The archetype of a tragic hero was meant to be presented so profoundly that great reverence would well up spontaneously in one’s heart.

In his opinion, Luo Binghe had suffered plenty in his role as the avenging, wronged hero.

Under normal circumstances, as Peerless Cucumber, Shen Yuan was the sort of novelist known for deconstructing unoriginal, formulaic conventions. He’d satirized enough classic and tired tropes in whichever genre he was writing for, it almost became expected of him to subvert expectations in all of his publications. It was just his contrarian nature to write something out of spite. It would therefore not be considered strange for him to challenge the established romantic convention of soulmates by emphasizing different degrees of compatibility, by making his leading characters come together as platonic comrades or as destined adversaries instead of the cliché as predestined lovers.

But this Luo Binghe is now a real person, Shen Yuan had to remind himself yet again, and is no longer an imaginary concept on paper.  

Peh, I never knew you were such a romantic, Protagonist A. To think I have to break the discipline I’ve kept for these past few decades of my life…. Who knew a little wolfdog like you would still yearn for a tacky “match made in heaven” even though you’ve been “dual cultivating” with so many beauties….

For the first time in a long while, guilt weighed heavily on Shen Yuan’s mind. He swallowed hard. While he understood the implicit reality of his situation, he still felt like he was, in some way, disappointing his audience by not living up to his reputation. The shame he felt was bizarre.

He cast his plea into the void, my cherished readers, please understand. Forgive this writer if I don’t subvert your expectations in this aspect just this once.

The harem was the closest Luo Binghe had to a family. After the parental kindness of the washerwoman was torn away from him early in his life, after having endured the unhealthy environment that followed, the only love and tenderness he received in his life came in the arms of beautiful women. Tokens of affection were given in the form of intimate acts. It was no wonder Bing gē ’s character had ended up twisted. With his inferiority complex, he collected beauties with a greed not unlike a hedonistic minister who expected tributes and bribes.

The shortcomings of a younger, less experienced Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky made Shen Yuan’s heart ache for all of the original cast of characters. Airplane brother couldn’t have known his own writing would give birth to fully-actualized, breathing persons. As a webnovel writer, there was pressure to meet the self-imposed deadlines set on the online platform of choice to earn virtual coins per chapter, oftentimes leading one to forsake their own creative integrity.

The appeal of an underdog overcoming the odds had been a timeless theme for many reasons. The young, pre-enlightened Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky must have felt obligated to make his protagonist suffer through every cliché in the book for angst points just so that when the love interests took care of him, the juxtaposition seemed “fluffier” and served their function as “healing element” in the story. But the setup was written clumsily, formulaically, like he’d written the angst first and rushed the payoffs.

There were so many women in the harem whose narrative potential stayed underdeveloped. Like cardboard cutouts, most didn’t have much of a personality other than looking beautiful. The heroines were trophies meant to stroke the male protagonist’s ego—who made him feel masculine, manly, and powerful—and to enable him to act in an unrestrained capacity. They were the author’s story device to show his cruel and brutal antihero still had a heart. In the presence of Luo Binghe, each one was gentle, kind, respectful, and submissive. To the other harem members, the once innocent maidens had to learn how to be shameless, who only knew to fight for a man’s favor.

But on a fundamental level, it was because his lovers were blinded by Luo Binghe’s bright, limitless future that nobody truly understood him beyond being a “main capture target.” They saw his worth as a strong, undefeatable husband material. And, in return, beneath the author’s veneer of romance, they were essentially relegated into the role not unlike that of “human cauldrons,” living furnaces that were drained of their vital energies to boost the protagonist’s longevity or cultivation powers through dual cultivation.

When Shen Yuan had read the original series, he came to recognize that the novelist must have wanted to create a dark, tragic antihero who obliterated obstacles to show how far he had come. Writing was supposed to be therapeutic, and Airplane brother must have wanted his story to stand out. The original Luo Binghe was a person motivated by his own grudges, by envy, and by pride—a hungry, ravenous young man fueled by the rage he’d been carrying for far too long. With his “origin story,” as somebody who had undergone the traumas that he had, after all the injustices he had suffered, after all the people and the society he’d been let down by, it was only natural that he carried a lot of emotional baggage.

What this Luo Binghe needed was somebody who was a foil to his temperament, patient, charismatic, and well-educated. Since he would be uniting the Three Realms, they also needed to be proactive keeping him in check from becoming a self-indulgent, fatuous ruler. A sensible head was needed on their shoulders to guide their merciless husband in understanding right from wrong, from succumbing to madness, and from any sycophants looking to lead him astray. It was integral to help Protagonist A maintain a harmonious empire so that, together, they could lead a golden age of reform.

When Cao Zijian first saw the Luò River Goddess, Shen Yuan abruptly recalled, he wrote a verse about her unrivaled beauty and charm.

Whether or not it was Liu Mingyan, a man, or somebody else, it would be poetic if Luo Binghe found his own Luo Shen in the form of somebody who understood him, a person who was well-versed in the language of his cues and subtleties. If Bing gē was truly interested in a man, then Shen Yuan will make sure to find him someone compatible. To draw a protagonist’s eye and maintain it, the candidate must be witty and gutsy, empathetic to a degree and with appropriate ambitions. To stand out from the beauties in the harem, one must not be passive or pretentious.

Their existence would be like a fairytale dream come true. A breath of fresh air. Were Luo Binghe to have intentions on somebody whose standards were significantly much more difficult to meet, he might realize he’d actually have to put in the extra effort to increase his favorability rating with them.

It was a common saying that a man’s personality will undergo change once he falls in love, arousing his desire to protect and provide.

If it was a level of deep love that was truly matchless in this age, a romance that transcended heaven and earth, ordained by fate, even an old man like himself would shed tears of emotion and wish the young newlyweds happy nuptials and an everlasting love in every lifetime.

Shen Yuan wondered if there even existed such an extraordinary person in this setting.

A fated match was bound by string even though a thousand miles. If such a person did not hail from Airplane brother’s imagination, then they must originate from Shen Yuan’s.

And if such a “child” did hail from himself, then Luo Binghe had more to prove to him, demonstrating that an emotionally-stunted half-demon as himself was capable of being sensitive and having a healthy relationship—lest Shen Yuan be forced to skewer him with Yue Ying if this “black-bellied” junior turned out to be overbearing, pursuing and pressuring this novelist’s precious “child” despite being refused. There must exist a chemistry between them, or a mutual romantic interest.

Luo Binghe’s reputation was already in tatters in the Mortal Realm on the account of having a demonic heritage and having razed down the great righteous sects. The current settings of the world defined anyone of demon blood as abominations to be exorcised or slayed without impunity. Whatever goodwill he’d originally cultivated with his deceptive “nice guy” act had to be regained. The elites of the upper class, staunch proponents of maintaining the status quo, would curse anyone of lowly background to be despicable persons who sought connections far above their status. Winning the war against the son of heaven and finding a match of great affinity would be integral in swaying public opinion to his favor.

In public, the lovers must persevere to present a united front, ruthless and fearless against their opposition but dependable and benevolent towards their subjects. They must accumulate enough reverence. It was only over time that the Sacred Rulers would prove themselves worthy of being beloved, idolized by the common people and giving the traditionalists found in high society—who held standards above the ceiling—no choice but to accept their reign lest they risk annihilation from their new rulers.

Until such a person was found, he supposed he could step into the role as his counsel if Luo Binghe ever sought him out.

There’s no medicine for regret, he thought with resolve. Although the <<SYSTEM>> made unsubtle prompts for him to make peace with Luo Binghe, as a direct result of his own decision-making, it had set Shen Yuan down the path of cooperation. He would try his hand at the impossible task of becoming Bing gē’s friend.

It would be an uphill battle, but he must broaden his view early on and engrave these words into his head: the once two-dimensional novel characters were now three-dimensional, multifaceted people.

Their upbringings were nothing alike, but destiny had come as a spring rain and brought them under the same roof.

Luo Binghe came from a destitute background. He’d witnessed firsthand, for himself, the injustices in life being born in abject poverty and with no background. After his stepmother, no one watered the mind of the tender sprout that was a young Luo Binghe, forcing the child to learn how to fend for himself. With his upbringing, it made sense why he had misanthropic tendencies. He’d seen for himself the wretchedness of people’s hearts, that those in high positions—whether it be the sons of noblemen, a Peak lord, or the emperor—had the power to push people around. Now in a similar position, he wouldn’t forget the harsh lessons. Grown up, he was a fearsome existence that very few—if any—could topple. He swore to make his enemies pay in blood.

On the other side of the spectrum, Shen Yuan was a son of entrepreneurs, born with a golden spoon in his mouth. He had the basic business acumen, brought up on Chinese pragmatism and the merit of achieving prosperity. Life might have led him down a different path as a profession, but he was educated in the principles of economics and had graduated from a reputable university focused on self-discipline and social commitment. A writer’s pastime was observing human behavior and implementing real world examples into the imaginary worlds they’ve constructed. From all the books he’d read and the programs he’d watched, he’d accumulated a wealth of random knowledge here and there, with a personal interest in reading up on tactical wartime strategies of the past.

As the older party, he could set the bare minimum standard Luo Binghe could emulate as the type of leader he could be, and to help him grow from his insecurities. The innovations and potential comforts of a technologically-advanced civilization were ingrained into a transmigrator’s brain. His handsome junior could be inspired by some of Shen Yuan’s “wisdom” and put them into practice for any of his policymaking.

Like the spring breeze that thawed the frozen soil, he would be someone who reached into the abyss and grabbed that bloodstained hand. Under his guise as a higher order of being, Shen Yuan would ensure the arrogant, domineering playboy matured into his full potential as a capable and virtuous ruler of the future.

In this world, his modern knowledge and his knowledge of both novel series were his cheats.

He’ll give him pointers so that he wouldn’t continue on the path of self-destruction. He’ll scathingly denounce and safeguard him from conniving shrews and from scheming aristocrats of unscrupulous greed, and from trope pitfalls and foolish mistakes, and to happily hand that duty off when Luo Binghe’s star-crossed lover—a nuanced person of honesty and integrity—inevitably turned up. And maybe, just maybe, even if Bing gē still curated a reputation as a fair but ruthless viper, the new reign might be salvageable and worthy of pride for generations to come.

Let us work together for the unification of the world, okay, Luo Binghe? I know you can do it. This old man will try to advise you during your prime.

It would be like tossing a peach and getting a plum back. It was a smart investment, in hopes of a great return.

“I’d redeemed you once,” Shen Yuan murmured, white lashes fanning against his cheeks. He closed his eyes in reminiscence of his own fanfiction, inhaling the light, woody scent of the censer nearby. “I can do it again.”

In the meantime, preparedness was quintessential. He reflected, I must collect more merits. I cannot be lazy and lag behind in accomplishments.

While Luo Binghe fought his battles, Shen Yuan should avail himself to avoid the fate of the Second Lead Syndrome. A bland comparison metric to be used against the protagonist, that archetype of the second male lead had everything stolen from him—from his time in the spotlight, even to his favorite woman—all to be handed over to the main character. It was a tragic fate. Shen Yuan did not wish to see his own successes being overshadowed by the radiant presence of a hardworking young man.

If his efforts bore fruit, he and Luo Binghe might even be comrades who respected each other, who trusted each other and would never dare to raise a blade at each other’s throat. They would unlock the epilogue together and find their star-crossed lovers. And once everything was set in stone, once the adults ground themselves to dust and were ready to step down to make way for the new generation, they could all live the rest of their lives in peaceful retirement.

And should fate permit them each to father their own child, should harmony blossom between the lovers they doted on and should such a good supportive relationship be maintained, as “uncles” they might even consider arranging an engagement for their descendants—a symbol of uniting the celestial, mortal, and demon bloodlines through marriage.

He could just weep from that beautiful imagery. May their lives be full of warmth and sweetness.

“...System?” he inquired drowsily, his voice barely above a whisper. Turning on his side, he stared at a faraway wall. The glazed white surface of the porcelain pillow felt cold against his cheek, its smoothness reminiscent of jade. “Can you hear me?”

Ping.

【This <<SYSTEM>> provides the Esteemed Host a 24-hour service.】

“I don’t remember Airplane brother going into detail about what the education system is like in this setting. Is it supposed to be historically accurate to the ancient feudal model or…?”

Ping.

As he listened to the long encyclopedic explanation, what he’d heard seemed to reconfirm his worst fears. Education was the privilege of the elites. With a cultivator’s narrow-minded focus on self-enlightenment, it made sense that the basic education curriculum of the twenty-first century could be seen as innovative in the pre-established setting of this strange world.

Wait a moment, wouldn’t this mean even a secondary school student would be seen as a prodigy in this world? ...Then what would a middle-aged uncle of university-level education be considered as?

...A wise sage?

Shen Yuan formed a complicated expression. Immortal cultivators prioritized studying matters of the “spiritual heart” and Qi refinement, in the martial and mystical arts, breaking through the bottleneck of each cultivation stage until their dedication allowed them to reach the pinnacle that was the Ninth Stage.

In the early webnovels, Bing gē had stagnated as a late-stage Core Formation expert. The constant sabotage in his early life had ensured that his education in the esoteric art of cultivation remained incomplete, ensuring that Luo Binghe’s cultivation remained rough around the edges and unpolished, with the end result being the gaps in his knowledge that had to be overcompensated by creativity and sheer determination.

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, in his laziness to research the many intricate nuances of the Cultivation World, had waved the illogicalness of the protagonist’s OPness away by attributing it to his ancient, heaven-fallen demonic heritage and to the deus ex machina that was his legendary sword. (Yet, even then, Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky still occasionally confused the Foundation Establishment with the Nascent Soul stages.)

It wouldn’t be until the end of the series—after the outcry of the netizens—that the unsatisfied Luo Binghe made the breakthrough into the proper Nascent Soul stage with the help of his wives and their many gratuitous papapa scenes.

Then in the epilogue, the author had infuriatingly time-skipped all the way to the penultimate Ninth Stage, describing how Luo Binghe somehow became a legend among legends who had finally attained eternal youth and aged back into his late twenties in his new immortal body after having miraculously passed the Heavenly Tribulations—disasters from heaven which were akin to nuclear radiation for those of demon blood. After an unspecified many years of rule, he’d left his legacy behind—with the uncountable size of his harem and a boundless number of his descendants “mourning the loss of a great and oftentimes misunderstood man.”

Just remembering it made Shen Yuan’s blood pressure spike dangerously. Taking deep, calming breaths, he rolled onto his back again as he forced himself to attain catharsis from listening to the mind-numbing exposition the <<SYSTEM>> was extolling to him like a history program. His fingers clenched the bed sheet.

Eventually he found himself feeling adrift, the words beginning to lose their coherency to him as he phased in and out of consciousness, his mind becoming wrapped in a haze of scented smoke. Tense muscles soon relaxed.

The countdown had reached 00:00:00 when sleep finally claimed him.

XXXXXXXXXX

He’d read and heard several accounts of people who have claimed to have had lucid dreams before, but this was the first time Shen Yuan was aware that he was having an “out-of-body” experience.

It’d felt like his “soul” was being lifted into the air. His head was spinning, a ringing in his ears. When he finally “opened his eyes,” he was floating upright in a world devoid of color. Iridescent grids pulsed in and out of existence in the fog below, running like gossamer lines of circuits which resembled the pre-rendered level of a video game.

In the desolate void of white mist, a single incomplete, dark brushstroke circled overhead in an endless rotation of a wheel. He stared up at it. “...Is...it buffering?” Clouds escaped his mouth as he spoke, tasting pure, winter frost with each breath.

Color was beginning to spread, like somebody had dipped a daub of green watercolor beneath his feet.

Ping.

【Answer! Welcome, lăoshī! This <<System>> begs the Esteemed Host’s patience. We have encountered a bug and are thusly limiting the open world configurations. Please be patient while we load the rest of the map assets.】

Alarm bells were blaring inside his head, and he swore he could hear the clanging manifested—but muffled. He began to think that there must have been something suppressive in the air, something that muted all normal sounds. Covering his ears to deafen the noise still, he demanded, “What bug?”

In his muffled hearing, the answering ping pierced through the quiet .

The <<SYSTEM>> spoke clearly and unobstructedly.【This is the world within a dream realm. To adhere to lăoshī’s traditional xianxia expectations, please be aware that celestials are considered the antithesis to every demon in the world. We have thusly isolated your divine presence in a barrier separate from the dream realm influence of Protagonist <<LUO BINGHE>> and Supporting Character <<MENG MO>>, sealing away the demonic Qi bordering lăoshī’s dream realm. You are expected to clear the important plot scenario before you are allowed to return to your waking state.】

That was as official of a “reality check” as he could perform.

Shen Yuan had to sit down.

From faraway, his countenance was of a man with legs dangling over the leafy green rim of a giant water lily. The paleness to his complexion lent him a deceptive image of fragility. His long white hair was down, and the loose white sleeves of his night garment billowed even though there was no wind. A garden pavilion was forming behind him, similar in design to the thirteen bordering the lotus pond he’d rescued Luo Binghe from.

Time stretched on. And on. In the accustomization period, it was as if the fog had stolen his senses, leaving him in a vacuum—with him staring at emptiness. Finally, after an interminable wait, the buffering wheel vanished.

Things were slowly beginning to take shape before his very eyes. He felt like he was watching a time lapse video of a painting master having finally taken their brush to paper.

Dark brushstrokes were painting the rest of the world unknown. He saw something resembling the jagged peaks of a mountainous landscape. The strong black lines, ink wash, and the dotted clusters eventually faded into softer, rubbed brushwork suggesting rolling hills and a river. Thin, delicate flicks took the shape of bamboo leaves. The once-empty world before him bled into a scenic vista not unlike that of the Wuyi Mountains he’d toured once in the Fujian province. Mist passed through the scenery like silkscreen, secreting whatever was beneath from his eyes.

The frigid air bit at his exposed neck. He glanced down and balked immediately at the eyeful of his chest. With a curse, he gripped the thin fabric and wrapped them tightly around himself. He breathed in deeply to reorient himself.

This setting was indeed a place that hid tigers and dragons, each one better than the other. Shen Yuan’s mind was still a half-awake jumbled mess as he tried to process that, whether unconsciously or on purpose, an attempt had been made to drag him into a dream world.

Him, Protagonist B—an uninvolved third-party. An innocent outsider. A stranger.

Ah, but dreams are a narrative convenience, is it not?

Memory was stirred of his halcyon days of youth. His time spent as an undergraduate was a fargone blip in his life, a bubble of time separate from everything that had happened before and after. Long ago, a younger Shen Yuan had the privilege of enrolling in throwaway lectures—one of them memorably being a class where he remembered writing detailed study guides about the phenomenology of dreams and imagination. (He faintly recalled his thought process, at the time, must have been: if he’d needed to fulfill his GE credits anyway, he might as well sign up for a few interesting courses pertaining to his hobbies.)

While he never once experienced a lucid dream, he was surprised by the amount of free thinking he seemed to be able to exercise at this present moment. While the lucid-dreamer could deliberately affect the nature of their hallucinatory experience, Shen Yuan dimly recalled the supposed restrictions on the hyperkinetic dream state—the loss of the capability to doubt, for one. Going with the nonsensical flow and the loss of impulse control, as another.

This was entirely uncharted territory.

He wanted to be angry but reaching for it, he found it slipping through the cracks of his fingers like water. The longer he stared down at the clouds of mist, the more that a sense of serenity seeped into him.

The chaos in his mind calming into a tranquil lake, Shen Yuan gazed up at the pair of moons sharing the same sky. A thin sliver of space existed between the two as though an invisible force was prying the two gravitational forces apart, preventing their collision.

In his daze, he could faintly hear the familiar traditional notes of the two-stringed fiddle of the erhu and the gentle plucking of the seven-stringed guqin ; it was as if there were an invisible troupe of musicians playing the essence of Chinese aestheticism and philosophy in the background for him, setting the mood.

In the context of the imaginary, he wasn’t necessarily at a disadvantage.

It was fortunate that the <<SYSTEM>> had preserved control of his consciousness for him, instead of him having to wrest it back.

Allowing his mind to wander, he studied the composition of the painterly world. While Shen Yuan wasn’t an artist himself, he could discern that the expressionistic brushwork and precise details were what art collectors might consider authentic. Enraptured by the flow of the brushwork, he asked, “System, please correct me if I’m wrong, but is the aesthetic of the Heavenly Realm meant to resemble traditional landscape paintings?”

Ping.

【Answer! Much of the open world has been configured to match the existing prerequisites of being ethereal and otherworldly. Would the Esteemed Host like to expend 1,000 B-Points to change the map skin?】

“No!” A dulled pain dug into his palms. The miser in him thought viciously, 1,000 B-Points! Just to change a skin? What a waste!

This abstract setting of celestials and the Heavenly Realm—and whatever else that followed—must have somehow originated from his own imagination. They couldn't have come from his competitor's unpublished drafts; none of this was Airplane brother's style.

Taking another deep breath, he spoke, “System, you said the scenario was called ‘Loading Chekhov’s Gun.’”

Setting aside his omniscient reader viewpoint and writer’s perspective, he supposed it made sense. Being a fortuneteller, his class skill was to divine the future. He didn’t have the whole picture quite just yet, but the <<SYSTEM>> seemed to have faith that he could begin to collect the threads.

“I’m guessing the criteria is discovering most—if not all—the big foreshadowing elements of my unwritten danmei for me to clear it.” Recalling the contents of both webnovels, he spoke carefully, “I was dragged here without my volition by demonic interference. So if I wish to escape, I will need to destroy the core of the illusion—but in a pacifist way?”

Ping.

【Both are correct. Completing the mission objective with an S-Rank will reward the Esteemed Host with 500 B-Points. Lăoshī, jiāyóu!】

There was no mercy in its vocabulary.

“...Yes. Jiāyóu." He repeated the encouragement wryly, dropping his gaze back at his surroundings. He could only thank lǎo tiān yé—god in heaven—that he’d maxed out his charisma.

Shen Yuan definitely needed all the good luck he could get.

Through the mist, the long, snaking river was a black serpent threading through the ashy grayscale of the valleys as far as the eye could see. And then he remembered. Seeing it, he felt a pang of emotion so strong, it exerted a physical pressure on his chest.

“What about Luo Binghe?” His knuckles were as white as his robe. “What has that little demon been up to now, System?”

...Ping!

【Begging the Esteemed Host’s pardon! This <<SYSTEM>> is keyed to Protagonist <<SHEN YUAN>>. If the Esteemed Host is willing to cross the boundary, there is an option to uncover the story with Protagonist <<LUO BINGHE>>. Providing him assistance will ensure Protagonist A’s Satisfaction points.】

The time has finally come.  

The water lily trembled under him as he straightened to his feet. From his high altitude, Shen Yuan can see where the mist hugged along the so-called boundary line that separated his dreamworld from Luo Binghe’s.

Since Luo Binghe evidently desired his company, Shen Yuan might as well take initiative and go to him on his own terms. If the mountain cannot come to him, then he will go to the mountain. Overall unity was important to maintain harmony between the protagonists.  

“I will store the past and compile a beautiful dream for you,” he promised. He was going to craft a story that was romantic and tangled, replete with heroes, villains, and a well-deserved conquest.

With one foot off the plant, the world spun and he suddenly found himself enclosed in thick walls. He glanced around. Everything had a rough, unfinished painterly quality resembling dried ink wash on paper. Bathed in the shadows, he marched forward in the fog, looking for the nearest exit. His head passed by a circular window, the ricepaper resembling the glow of the moon.

His gaze traveled past the miniature bonsai tree underneath the window’s wooden lattice. Frown lines formed on his face at how thin and small it was.

The visual of it abruptly reminded him of how Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had described Bing gē to be as small and skinny as a carrot at fourteen years of age. In the earlier chapters that took place in his dreamscape, his diantian was a gnarled, black tree overlooking a meadow, with the scantest of flower buds blooming in a barren wasteland—very much indicative of the protagonist’s mindset at the time.

Shen Yuan’s hand drifted absently to his abdomen as he gracefully passed by the pedestal. The source of one’s ability to cultivate was located in the lower stomach, a natural center of the body’s spiritual energy. He could only wonder how his own diantian would appear. Would it reflect his inexperience as a sapling—frail and waning? Or would it have the appearance and bearing of an old, ancient tree—befitting an immortal celestial being?

Funny how it means “elixir field,” he mused to himself, but us authors somehow always depict it as a tree… .

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

As he peered up at the origin of the noise, words suddenly materialized around him. They’d peeled off the building like black strips of paper, suspended midair around him as though they were a sea of constellations surrounding the moon. The small, densely-packed lines of Chinese characters blurred in his vision but he instantly understood.

They were a manifestation of all the predictions he was capable of.

A gust of wind blew. As bountiful as the leaves of a forest canopy, the bamboo scrolls strung overhead swayed with the wind, knocking into each other with crisp clunks.  

The long, narrow strips reminded him of the scrolls he had shelved in the Archives room. His servants had shown him how they’d cut and roasted the white bamboo stalks until they became dark, later binding the dried strips with durable thread. All were prepared for their master, to transcribe his manuscripts if not his oracles.

He heard the sloshing of water. Ripples formed beneath his stride as a pale hand reached up. The wide sleeve slipped down his forearm as his fingertips grazed the bottom of a random brown scroll that somehow called to him.

An opulent array of gold flooded his vision.  

The imperial palace was a splendor of the Mortal Realm that could not be described, a piece of history that inspired great awe and reverence. In the starry skies, Shen Yuan saw a resplendent celestial being, wearing a monocle of a pearlescent sheen, descend from the full moon. Upon their feet touching the secular world, white faded to black. His hair was tied back and as black as sable, his original facial features—although pale—presented to the world as he approached the solitary figure seated at his rightful place atop the dragon throne.

Like the sun in the skies, Luo Binghe shined with a bright light in one’s eyes. With eyes filled with a thousand words, he was a young emperor in formal black, his austere and distinguished presence instilling a sense of respect into others. An armored cloak decorated his shoulders; the thick white fur sewn into the collar of the embroidered brocade appeared familiar to Shen Yuan for an inexplicable reason.

There was a strange intensity to his expression. With a half-formed smile of indulgence, the newly crowned sovereign was watching how the visiting fortuneteller gazed upon him with immense pride. He genuflected to Luo Binghe in a proper bow.

Time had not left any residue on their faces; they were arguably as handsome as they had been when they’d first met at the beginning. Both held the innate ability to hold one’s eyes on their presence.

Earnest congratulations swelled in the air, stirring the hearts of those in the coronation ceremony when the wise-looking, austere guest gifted the Heavenly Demon official amnesty from the Heavens.

Suddenly Shen Yuan found himself outside.

A fragrance of flowers filled the imperial gardens during the eighth lunar month, a fresh scent that was quiet and distant but able to inspire heartfelt emotions. The courtyard bloomed with lush red and purple chrysanthemums.

He saw himself stopping in place below an osmanthus tree, with the oil-paper umbrella he’d carried shading him. Dancers ahead were moving with dainty steps to a stunning choreography, performing the tale of yearly weather from spring to summer, fall and winter.

Behind his reading monocle, his celestial gaze did not carry evil intent; it was pure and admiring of the beauties capable of overthrowing cities and kingdoms. Respectfully keeping his distance, he maintained a thick atmosphere of an educated appearance, dignified and decently conducted. Next to him were the pots of white blossoms—the sight of them naturally not being a joyous thing for one to gaze at without being reminded of funerals.

From the crowd of spectators appreciating the flowers, the dance, and poems being composed, four sets of eyes flitted over to him—one scarlet and one an overcast sky, and two that were pitch-black.

A Demon Saint, dressed in her infamous gauzy red silks and tiny bells, as coquettish as a temptress. Her complexion was naturally fair, with a type of rare grandeur and dignity in her brows.

A human cultivator who wore a veil over the lower half of her face, hiding the dazzling beauty that was like lilies blooming out of fresh water; a calm and composed beauty that snatched people’s souls.

A young mistress of wealthy bearing, willful and adorable with her childlike-face, wearing her long hair up in a flying fairy style, decorated with pink pearls to match her long, extravagant palace dress. A whip had been strapped to her willow waist.

And another young lady, as fair as a magnolia—and whose lovely mature face had turned ghastly. Became ashen. “It can’t be....” As though she were seeing a ghost from her past, she took an involuntary, compulsive step to him. “Shen Jiu…?”

Various emotions flashed over their fair countenances. Shock. Fear. Disbelief. Confusion. Then a reignited deep hostility formed between their brows, their unsettled eyes as dead as stagnant water—unable to tear like a dry well but filled with bottomless loathing.

A flurry of fabrics blurred in his sight. An arc of red sprayed widely over the flowers of the courtyard, the droplets scattering like crimson petals against the walls. The umbrella clattered to the ground.

A headless body collapsed heavily to its knees. Fell sideways like a log.

A round object soon tumbled over the hot, sticky blood seeping into the cracks of the paved limestone. Red began to stain the long, black roots that were fading back into the color of moonlight.

Through the music and shrill cries, one deep shout shook the Heavens. A howl of rage, there existed the unexpected raw sound of anguish that could chill the blood. There had been too many complicated emotions condensed into that single vocalization, it made everyone who heard this sound feel a stone in their throat.

The swift winds of calamity approached.

A faltering scream, or something like a scream was heard with the sound of numerous lives being extinguished. It was a demented, gut-wrenching retribution that didn’t end, a subjugation forever to be carved into the annals of history.

Shen Yuan broke free from the premonition, gasping like a dying man. His hand scrambled to his neck. Fear tasted like iron in his mouth, the muscles at the base of his throat working convulsively.

Cold sweat beaded down his face as he staggered forward. He felt as though he’d resurfaced from the deep depths of the sea he’d been drowning from. The water sloshed beneath his movements, his inner robe loosening from his abrupt movements.

Ping!

【Prediction! A Death Flag has been discovered. +44 Points. Future Events unlocked. Objectives <<INVITATION TO THE CHRYSANTHEMUM BANQUET>> and <<DEFEATING THE MECHANISMS OF THE PALACE COURT!>> will be available.】

System, why are you giving me so many inauspicious fours! He wanted to tear his hair out! He screamed in his head, The future me was helping your husband for the sake of securing your peace and prosperity! How did you not realize cutting the neck of a celestial immortal from the exalted Heavens would be considered an evil action? Did you think your actions were just and thus exempted from karmic, divine retribution?

Have they lost their minds? How can anyone mistake him for Shen Qingqiu? He was not Shen Jiu!

What a messy affair!

What a disaster!

To say he felt vexed was an understatement. Just now, everything had happened too suddenly. The tangled, chaotic mess of information was too shocking, too absurd. Just what happened to his invincible golden halo? Did inhabiting the mortal coil temporarily dispel it? Was this the stupid【Hidden Penalty】applied to his character creation?

Don’t tell him it was because he was the sort of cutthroat writer who’d kill off his own protagonists for shock value!

He smiled with a trace of bitterness. It was precisely in line with what he’d write. This was just the sort of first-draft content a writer like him might throw in just to be evil but would later put on the chopping block upon revision, when he was no longer fueled by spite.

If he had his laptop, in true keyboard warrior fashion, he’d finger-smash his frustrations in an unintelligible burst of Chinese characters. He’d signed up for a heartwarming, “feel good” pseudo-historical fantasy redemption story with blood-pumping battles and sworn brotherhoods. He did not sign up for angst and heavy subject matters like genocide.

Regaining his equilibrium, he shuddered. Abruptly he recalled a novel passage describing how those who die from a beheading were never to reincarnate. His hand clenched into a fist, his fighting spirit ignited. Shen Yuan resolved himself to trample that death flag. As a transmigrator, he would improve their attitudes toward him and rewrite fate!

He will survive in this world without fail and use whatever means necessary!

However much he didn’t wish to dwell on the vision, he knew he’d seen that monocle somewhere before. The Store inventory?

His heart racing, he threw his memory a little further back until he saw it—vivid and picture-clear in his mind’s eye. It was as if a scene from the distant past had superposed with the present.

<<MONOCLE OF DIVINE CLARITY>>

Wondrous item, legendary

A rare artifact once belonging to Xīwángmǔ, the enchanted crystal lens is rimmed with silver and has a fine chain attached to a jade earclip. Magical properties include Resist Mental Compulsion, True Sight, and enhancement of the wearer’s divination. Effects shall remain active as long as the owner wears it.

Cost: 500,000 B-Points

He’d remembered thinking, Just whose imagination did this goddess’ treasure originate from? So expensive! Monocles were a fashion statement used to highlight certain shrewd men in Chinese novels, but the eyewear was ultimately a Western 18th-century invention overseas and not of ancient China. Such historical inaccuracy! He’d wished to file a complaint! Shen Yuan remembered the grievances he’d lamented to the <<SYSTEM>>, only to be coolly rebuffed with the encouragement to continue to work hard.

But despite its exorbitant price-tag, he’d now received visual confirmation that he would eventually acquire ownership—whether the relic would be purchased by his own merit or it would enter his hands as a byproduct of the halo’s extraordinary luck. Although there was a sense of accomplishment in knowing, it paled in comparison against his newfound conviction.

Only the shallow groove between his brows betrayed his profound distress. There was no point dwelling on an omen that hadn’t happened yet. His counterattack would have to wait.

With a hand still shielding his throat, his breathing slowly, eventually, returning to a semblance of normalcy, Shen Yuan warily glanced around the painterly surroundings.

Somehow he’d found his way to the border. No words could capture the feeling he felt standing in the midst of a bamboo grove painted into existence from ground charcoal and ink wash. A retinue of monumental statues flanked him, weathered with time—and unrecognizable with their faceless features.

Walking by, he craned his neck to stare momentarily up at the features of two of them. A man and a woman. The man was of taller stature, with the suggestion of a goatee. The woman wore a headdress; an ominous hairline crack bisected her torso. Their placement indicated they were husband and wife, the intricate details carved on the white jade making them appear regal and imposing.

A sense of dejavú filled his thoughts. He couldn’t tell who they were meant to represent, but they felt familiar. Like he should know who they all were, but recognition of gods and the divine slipped through his fingers.

The misty ground had given way back to a transient void of white. He could see clearly where his dream realm ended and Luo Binghe’s dream realm started. It was as though a curtain had been drawn, an aurora of northern lights protecting a blank white canvas from being blotted. Across the boundary, he could see something up ahead in the eternal darkness. In the desolation that engulfed the night, an ominous shroud of miasma roiled overhead.

Like a soldier preparing for the battlefield, he steeled his resolve. With one firm slap to his cheeks, he bridged the gap.

The moment he crossed the threshold, a fierce demonic Qi surged toward him like a violent gale of desert wind which threatened to strip the skin from his bones. His knees nearly buckled under him as irony, sorrow, and bitterness besieged him. He had to resist all compulsion to turn back as the darkness caged him at once. He floated aimlessly in the darkened landscape, inexplicable feelings of loneliness arising within.

Shen Yuan narrowed his eyes, calming his inner turmoil.

He had to tell himself dreams did not reflect reality; they were merely a projection of someone’s subconscious. Even so, it painted a bleak picture of his xiōng dì's mental state.

Descending from the night skies, Shen Yuan was an ethereal figure dressed in white, the thin garment fluttering behind him as he took the invisible steps down into the foreign dream realm. In the infinite cosmos, he saw nothing but stars. He cast a cursory look over the bioluminescent glow rippling under him with each tread, like an otherworldly procession, until his feet finally touched the earth.

The sound of wings flapping caught his attention. Shen Yuan twisted his head, seeing a majestic fènghuáng burst free from his own heavenly realm. The immortal phoenix soared high overhead, the five sacred colors—red, blue, yellow, white, and black—of its serrated tail feathers trailing behind it. A beautiful cry escaped its throat like a song.

A mighty roar shattered the night. The air pressure shifted. As though answering the phoenix’s call, a fierce and powerful lóng ascended from the dark depths of the realm, brackish water trembling off its black scales as it shot up to give chase after the fènghuáng ’s vibrant plumage.

He watched their aerial dance in flight. Like yin and yang coming together, seeing their bodies twist and weave with one another in a harmonious sight made an intensity arise from the bottom of his heart.

The relief he felt was all-consuming. Every Chineseman knew of the dragon-and-phoenix metaphor of olden times. And if the mythical phoenix dared to take flight in this dream realm, in a demon’s home turf, surely it was an auspicious sign that Bing gē was not too far gone in darkness and corruption.

Feeling a renewed lightness on his feet, Shen Yuan went to follow.

The moment that the dragon surfaced, he had registered a faraway presence. It was a feeling of awareness, a slight prickling sensation of the scalp, making him feel self-conscious. He was hyper-aware that he was not alone. Even if Luo Binghe had been preoccupied, there was no way Protagonist A would not have sensed Protagonist B’s presence—and vice versa.

If Shen Yuan’s world had been representative of the heavenly air and water, much like the man himself Luo Binghe’s spirit root was aligned with the earth. His hand drifted back to his throat. The air was as arid as a desert. If memory served Shen Yuan correctly, Luo Binghe also had an innate affinity with the fire attribute. It’d been discovered during his time in the Endless Abyss arc once the demon seal had been broken, indicative of his high sensibility to the fire type of Qi.

Hearing noises behind him, he glanced over his shoulder. Leaves had sprung from the blackened branches, rustling in the wind. Moonlight dripped through the gaps in the canopy, reflecting mottled shadows. He had been following along a ravine which’d shimmered gold, curious where the running water led to. Presumably it would take him to wherever Luo Binghe—and Meng Mo?—wanted him to see.

Tucking the long strands of his hair behind an ear, he halted midstride when he heard, “...a...re...f...ul….”

He’d heard that quiet murmur before—that time at the pond, didn’t he? A woman’s cadence. Like the babbling of a brook, as faint as the wind, with accents of a beauty hitherto unknown. He glanced at the waters, keeping his expression impassive.

Ping.

【Do exercise caution, Esteemed Host! One should not turn their back on an opponent.】

Shen Yuan was silent. He cast his gaze sidelong to the trees for a fleeting moment. As though addressing someone in the prevailing shadows, he purposely stated aloud, “I don’t make mistakes in recognizing talent. I have no intention of making Luo Binghe my opponent.”  

Without another word, he resumed his stroll. His sight was fixed on the miasma ahead.

On the account of the premonition, it was at no fault of Luo Binghe’s that Shen Yuan would lose his head to the man’s wives. If anything, it’d sounded as though Protagonist A would seek to avenge him—even if the way he reacted was extreme and heartless.

Don’t you know, he wanted to tell his junior, if you do too many bad things, you will get retribution?

Truly, the future Shen Yuan must have maxed out his affection meter. Luo Binghe must have deeply treasured their friendship—or his counsel—to the point where he was capable of callously dismissing his former lovey-dovey attachments to help the dead deliver justice. However much pity Shen Yuan felt for the young women for how easily their husband detestably threw them aside, it was still an immensely heartfelt gesture he showed for the deceased. Even a rock would feel moved.

It made him remember the con-crit he’d left on the online forum, where he detailed how cool he felt the portrayal of a hateful and sinister Bing gē was—a refreshingly blackened hero who repaid debts of kindness and grudges. As expected of the “black-bellied” male lead, once the favorability meter was full, his inner protectiveness to the ones he held in high esteem would appear.

...Shen Yuan, you are putting the cart before the horse, he scolded himself. Stop thinking about something useless. Don’t meddle in his personal affairs too much.

Petals scattered, rolling along with no control whatsoever over their destiny, adrift and aimless. Strands of moonlit hair billowed with the breeze, leading his attention from his feet to across the distance. He focused on the sparse meadow that had wrapped itself in the embrace of the autumn equinox.

In the inky darkness, he saw a field of red spider lilies blooming in the hellish wasteland along a golden stream, leading to the gnarled tree—dark and twisted and silhouetted with demonic Qi.  

So this was Luo Binghe’s diantian.... It was as depressing of a sight as Shen Yuan had envisioned. The scent of death lingered in the air, an earthy perfume of graveyard soil and decay intermingling into the overwhelmingly floral fragrance, suffusing into the senses.

Under the swathe of demonic miasma drifting down from the sky like ash, the drooping red petals seemed ready to fall, swaying dreamily, but holding fast to their slim, strong stalks. The movement added something alive to the manjusaka’s fragility, to their ethereal quality, almost human in the way a flower could demonstrate both frailty and endurance at the same time.

He felt a faint sense of dread as he began to wander deeper into the crimson field, feeling a pressure over his head that was overbearing and suffocating. The flowers parted before him, the petals brushing his sleeves and hair like covetous fingers. He’d half-expected to see the heavenly flowers descending from the realm of the Gods, according to Buddhist scriptures. There was an old Chinese legend of two fairies who had been punished by the gods to be seperated for all eternity. As gods’ design, the petals could only blossom when the leaves were all withered away.

A flower of separation, and with its poisonous bulb, the red spider lily held a dark connotation that appealed to writers. They were well-known metaphors in eastern literature.

Memories poured in like the tide. Grown in Diyu—the realm of the dead or “hell” where souls were sent to repent and be purified—they were symbolic of guiding the dead into their next reincarnation. If anyone had asked him about what it meant in the language of flowers, Shen Yuan would say he associated the red spider lily with feelings of abandonment, longing, lost memories, and final parting. He’d referenced the symbolism before in a past work, underscoring its morbid resemblance to splashes of blood.

Shen Yuan stared with narrowed eyes. There was a certainty in him that he could not describe. But with how the dream realm had been described in the webnovels, there was absolutely no way Luo Binghe, or the elder Meng Mo, had a hand in this.

For any onlookers looking in from the outskirts, this scene must have presented a baffling sight. He remembered the pride displayed by both versions of the elder dream demon when it came to showing off their control over illusions to a young and impressionable disciple of mixed-blood. Shen Yuan wouldn’t be surprised if Meng Mo was presently frothing at the mouth, seeing a celestial being mess with his precious host’s control.

There was an indescribable eeriness permeating everywhere ever since he’d walked into the flower field.

System, he accused, this must be your doing. Just what are you trying to prove to this old man?  

There was no story without coincidences. When countless coincidences crashed altogether, the truth came to light.

Ping.

【Answering the Esteemed Host, the thousand year white resurrection lily is a gateway to the world of the deceased. It receives the memories of a departing soul before one crosses the Nai Ha bridge to pass into their next life, and can therefore be harvested to bring back the souls of the dead. Should Protagonist <<SHEN YUAN>> accept the quest, there is a resurrection subplot to bring back wronged supporting characters from the Earth Realm.】

Hearing the explanation, Shen Yuan’s mind leapt to the original Shen Qingqiu.

Even Shen Yuan, who’d originally called for the “scumbag’s” castration like many other fans, after having read the rebooted series, felt that the original Shen Qingqiu was deserving of sympathy points. At the mercy of his own duplicitous personality, the emotionally stunted character had adhered to the mensao archetype through and through—flopping between the two states of “hot and cold.” It had been revealed that many of the crimes Shen Qingqiu had been accused of had been the result of various egregious misunderstandings and miscommunications.

An ache wormed its way into his heart. There had been so many casualties, so many people who had their lives cut short. The Qing Jing Peak Lord, Shen Qingqiu; the Sect Master of the Qiong Ding Peak, Yue Qingyuan; the Bai Zhan Peak Lord and Liu Mingyan’s elder brother, Liu Qingge; Luo Binghe’s blood-related parents Su Xiyan and Tianlang jun….

They were good people. They weren’t his creations, but their roles as the small “mobs”—side characters—led to their potential being shorn woefully short.

It was perhaps pretentious and presumptuous of him to decide those to be allowed to come back from the dead—defying the natural order of things—but for someone to be essentially granted a second chance at life, to right regrets and live their rebirth to the fullest, who would refuse? Celestial beings were meant to have magnanimous hearts, moving the sky and earth for once-in-a-lifetime noble souls.

So wasn’t it just and righteous if such extreme action was taken?

Ping.

【Optional objective <<JOURNEY TO THE NETHERWORLD>> is available. Does the Esteemed Host wish to accept? Y/N?】

He glanced at the UI. Within that brief moment, Shen Yuan had already made many deliberations and judgements. Just as he was about to cement his decision, he heard the faintest trickle of music—and with it, murmurs.

“...P...le...ase….”  

His body instinctively tensed. A thick stench of blood pervaded the air, suffocating the floral fragrance with a metallic odor of iron.

...Why do I hear <<BOSS>> music?

Shen Yuan swatted the interface away from him, hissing beneath his breath, “Some other time.”

Whispers, male and female, crept through the silence. They drifted into his hearing, mournful and piteous, like wounded animals in close pursuit of their prey. Growing louder and louder.

“May...the Heavens...have mercy....”

“Save us.”

“Anyone….”

Under the night sky, he appeared calm, but his mind was already as turbulent as the storming seas.

At the sound of rustling, an archaic flight instinct had him spinning on his feet. A crack had formed in his expression. Skeletal arms were outstretched toward him from the crimson field.

Infinitely long, they dripped with blood, the droplets scattering onto the lilies like rain.

His hand instinctively reached for his sword as he watched the illusion crawl toward his ankles and the hem of his robe. His brows tightly-knitted, there was a chill to his face that was very different than during the daytime—as if he were a different person.

Some battles had to be fought another day. To avoid damaging his or Luo Binghe’s psyche, he’d have to beat a tactical retreat.

Just as he was about to soar away like a sparrow, he heard a distinct, metallic shnnk. He jerked in surprise when an arm abruptly materialized around his waist, embracing Shen Yuan from behind like an iron snare.

A black demonic blade swung in a wide arc.

The skeletal arms were obliterated in a torrent of midnight wildfire, limbs bursting open in wet splatters of blood.

The heat pressed against his back was as solid and grounding as a tree trunk, the strong and rapid heartbeat incomparably clear in his ears as the roaring flames extinguished themselves. All petals had been scattered from the mighty gust, strands of black and white hair flowing together in the wind.

In the blanket of darkness came the hysterical thought of a wild Bing gē having appeared. The culprit has, at last, deigned to show his guilty face.

“Shizun….”

The mere sound of him strummed the bowstring in his own heart with a loud tremor.

In a tone as soft as peach blossoms, silky and gentle, Luo Binghe whispered to Shen Yuan, “I’ve finally found you.”

The hoarseness of the man’s voice was albeit strange. Thrown off-kilter, Shen Yuan thought that there might have been something wrong, but he didn’t trust himself to say anything yet without it being misconstrued.

Hot puffs of air brushed against his cheek. That, with the scent of rice water and rose petals and something else masculine and unfamiliar, was distracting. Luo Binghe was quietly repeating the phrase, "I found you."

Mustering his courage, Shen Yuan peered over his shoulder. Both brows soared to his hairline when he saw a hallucination of a hundred flowers blooming at once.

A circle of red peeked out from the charcoal of Luo Binghe’s eyes. His attractive features were akin to the warmth of the early spring sunshine on flower petals that, for a moment, Shen Yuan could not differentiate between north and south.

Shen Yuan blinked once—twice, to clear the hallucination. It was only when he realized what he was seeing that Shen Yuan felt dumbstruck. He could feel his own facial muscles beginning to contort.

Unbelievable. The corners of his mouth launched upwards out of his control, but the ludicrous smile was suppressed by him before it could take flight completely. How utterly audacious.

Luo Binghe’s long, dark hair was let loose like a waterfall. And he was shamelessly wearing nothing but a thick, white pelt over his bare torso.

Having been the one to strike down the mythical beast, Shen Yuan instantly recognized the fur draped over broad shoulders. It was the divine báihǔ pelt the servants had laid out over the bed to help their guest conserve heat for the winter. Draped over bare skin, it’d lent the younger man a distinctly wild impression.

Luo Binghe’s breathing was a little unstable. Wrapping his other arm around Shen Yuan, he closed his eyes. Nosing the soft white hair, he remarked, "Shizun has a pleasant scent...."

Shen Yuan’s expression remained a frozen lake. What was with this ambience?

Faced with an unprecedented scenario, Shen Yuan didn’t know how to make it less awkward and help them both save face. The extent of his adult experience with hugging strangers had been starting conversations or meetings with a handshake, and ending it with a brisk hug whenever the whim hit. Even his own father, himself and his two brothers had communicated mostly with manly pats to the shoulder or the back. Perhaps such discomfort could be attributed to a cultural custom which persisted long after the death of Chairman Mao back in 1976. Initiating physical contact still remained somewhat of a learning curve among friends and family members, with some notable exceptions like the comforting touches given to a cute child or the hugs given by an overbearing grandparent.

Despite his current appearance, Shen Yuan was still a man; even though it was not the soft figure of a woman being pressed up against him, it was embarrassing being held by another man so fiercely.

Even knowing everything there was to know about Luo Binghe, he was essentially a stranger to Shen Yuan. The whole experience was surreal, like being hugged by a movie star who could just as easily change his mind and decide to crush his windpipe.

Shen Yuan didn’t dare to look down to confirm the extent of Luo Binghe’s undressed state. What if he accidentally bore witness to a wardrobe mishap and caught a glimpse of that legendary, heavenly sky pillar—or see a blinding tower of light? He wouldn’t be able to recover from such humiliation! To avoid that blow to his ego, he would be better off pretending everything was normal. I am a morally upright citizen with the heart of an angel, he chanted to himself like a sutra. I must remain patient and benevolent with today’s hot-blooded youth.  

With the two of them locked in a stalemate, Shen Yuan slowly felt his sanity returning to him. Standing as still as a statue, he ruminated on the best method to address this situation with an appropriateness that wouldn’t trigger a landmine.

He patted Luo Binghe’s forearm in a consoling manner, but it was also an unsubtle cue for him to release him.

The arms only tightened in persistence.

Shen Yuan frowned at his “stickiness.” He felt as though they were unintentionally stealing this particular romantic encounter from a youth’s passionate spring dreams. Since this was ancient China, it was truly lucky that he wasn’t being hugged by a young woman, or else he’d be worried about impacting her reputation—even if nothing had happened.

Traces of resignation formed between unpigmented brows. “...Xiōng dì, I am appreciative to you for having found your way to me.” Now that the arrow had been drawn, it had to be released. As exasperated as he felt, he asked with no small amount of concern, “Are you suffering from any mental backlash? I am aware of what happens when one retaliates at an illusion.”

A shaky exhalation of breath was heard. Instead of answering his question, Luo Binghe replied with much sorrow, “This lord deserves to die. However much this lord hastened to reunite with you the moment I saw your resplendent presence descending from the sky, it is unfortunate we met just as harm was about to befall upon Shizun.”

His voice had been mellow, with a hint of the liveliness to it that only young people had. It made it all the more easy for people to develop goodwill towards a valiant, dazzlingly handsome lord.

...I know of your tricks, little demon. Are you testing the sincerity of my well intentions? Furthermore, how do you manage to sound like a pitiful puppy...while your body...looks so erotic...? Bing gē, you truly have a duplicitous, villainous heart.

Shen Yuan refused to fall into the scheme of this little wolfdog. To avoid a perilous situation, he must go on the counterattack.

Instead, he turned in his arms. Luo Binghe’s eyes snapped open when Shen Yuan framed his face in his gloveless palms.

Shen Yuan inspected his features closely, putting on a stern look. He wiped away the big drops of sweat that flowed down the Heavenly Demon’s forehead, chastising, “You move me to tears, Luo Binghe. Did I not warn you to work on your bad habit of bearing everything silently?” Every word and sentence was leaden with camaraderie. His fingers drifted down to clasp him by the elbows. “You’ve forgotten this one is clairvoyant. Instead of concealing your intentions from me, this master shall willingly lend you his ear if you come bearing any troubling thoughts or concerns.”

What was the use of having a glib tongue if it couldn’t be put to good use? Time to wield his +20 CHARISMA to its full devastating potential!

“Although we are strangers, I hope, with time, you can be the truest version of yourself with me. I will not think any less of you at a sign of weakness.” The nature of heroic warriors emphasised on cultivating relationships and respect. Shen Yuan knew to repay a kind act with gratitude. Concentrating on his channels, he sent a pulse of his spirit energy to his yin -depleted companion through their point of contact.

Luo Binghe’s eyelids fluttered half-mast as gentle and clean spiritual power circulated throughout his meridians. The sensation was reminiscent of a cold spring drizzle watering the arid soil, the strain in his body receding for the time being.

Under a more impertinent tone, Shen Yuan told him, “Even if you willfully choose to disregard my reading, I cannot help but be concerned seeing how gallantly and recklessly you continue down this path of self-destruction. Just look at the state of your own diantian. Even the peerless ‘Luo Demon’ of the battlefield who is said to be able ‘to withstand the skies and earth’ should not be uncompromising regarding one’s own health.”

Shen Yuan knew from personal experience. However much the spirit was willing, the flesh was weak.

A hand slowly left his waist, moving to close over the back of Shen Yuan’s palm. Carefully sizing him up, his scarlet gaze, as he looked at Shen Yuan, held a few degrees more affection.

Ping.

【Protagonist A Satisfaction points +25.】

Twenty-five points instead of five or ten? You must have felt so good, you’d reached the heavens. Shen Yuan granted a lukewarm smile towards the future tyrant, patting the white fur over his shoulder in a friendly manner. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yes. Many thanks to Shizun.” His line of sight drifted downward, and suddenly his attention was the ravenous gaze of a tiger.

Heat rushed in Shen Yuan’s body like the torrential flood. You’re a married husband who’s bedded countless beauties throughout the years , he’d nearly rebuked. What was so interesting about seeing an old man’s chest anyway? He averted his face. Forcing a calm and unwavering tone, he invited, “Since we’re here, walk with me, Luo Binghe.”

Perhaps it was due to the strange air of two men bonding that grinded down Luo Binghe’s stubborn temperament, but his iron hold had loosened, giving Shen Yuan ample opportunity to break free. Righting the night garment back into its proper place, he turned his feet in the direction toward his own dream realm.

“Luo Binghe…. My son….”

Shen Yuan glanced over his shoulder, his stride slowing. Somehow,  even as a figment of his imagination, he instantly knew whom this voice was supposed to belong to—maternal and lonely and sorrowful, full of regrets.

“I beg of you…. Help him….”

“Shizun?”

He gazed at the field of spider lilies with a considering look. With each step they’d taken, the blood-red color had faded into white. “...You do not hear anything?” he asked slowly.

Luo Binghe granted him an unfathomable look, before shaking his head. The fur of the báihǔ rustled with the small movements.

“So it’s like that.... May the elder dream demon who has taken this younger demon under his wing forgive my divine interference.” Sensing he’d captured Luo Binghe’s rapt attention from that frivolous declaration, Shen Yuan scrutinized the person who had been walking shoulder to shoulder with him.

To anyone looking in, they perhaps presented an incompatible image. Visually, as protagonists, they were as different as day and night—indicative of the two different writing styles of the two novelists.

As the celestial representative, there was a kind of romantic, quiet and unrestrained air of a distinguished literary person. Even with such mature looks, like the dark side of the moon, they paled in comparison to the blinding brilliance that was Luo Binghe whose presence was as bright as the sun in the sky. He personified those who walked with a dragon’s gait and firm tiger’s steps, with a vigour and prestige that unknowingly overflowed out; and with a cultivator’s valor, such presentation could make his opponent easily frightened. Shen Yuan could still recall his rough touch and that vise-like strength. Although Luo Binghe appeared innocent, he was actually enigmatic and difficult-to-predict. It made Shen Yuan want to test him.

Affecting an air of indifference, Shen Yuan mentioned as casually as he could, “That aside, I have a question for you. I was hoping you could satisfy my curiosity.”

Luo Binghe’s gaze was a dozen stones piled on the side of his face. He bade, “May Shizun speak candidly.”

“You must have given thought to my predictions. Knowing what xiōng dì knows now, what else does Luo Binghe intend to ask this one?” Seeing Luo Binghe was about to respond, Shen Yuan shook his head. “Don’t give me the answer you think I will want to hear. Be frank. For you to chase me in my dreams, you must be burdened with a thirst for knowledge.”

“...This lord wishes to learn more,” Luo Binghe confessed, looking unapologetic. “The strong prey on the weak; that is how the world works. As one who can get a glimpse of fate, Shizun is an indispensable source of guidance. Before this lord arrived here, I had been in a daze and felt helpless. Then elder Shen Yuan helped clear the fog in my head. The future has never been clearer.”

Shen Yuan hid the cynical smile in his heart.

Now we get to the crux of the matter…. Very well; he will fulfill the desperate wish of the imaginary Su Xiyan. He would help her son.

First, he had to establish a common enemy or obstacle.

“You are fortunate. Although it’s unorthodox, seeing as we are in a dream realm, seeing once is preferable to hearing a hundred times. You can do with the knowledge of your future later however you want.” He glanced forward, seeing the boundary line just across the barren wasteland. “Should you see intervening forces or hindrances to your survival or success, even if both parties once harbored goodwill, what will Luo Binghe do?”

There were countless variables on the chessboard. How he chose to answer him would decide where Shen Yuan will point the spear to.

Sensing the weight of his tone, Luo Binghe mulled over his words for a moment. A dark storm swirled in his eyes. Gazing at him as though he intended to test him, he spoke with severity, unfalteringly, “If one were to offend me, this lord will definitely exterminate the entire family.”

Shen Yuan somehow managed a serene expression despite hearing such a bloodthirsty declaration. A ferocious answer that has exceeded expectations, of course. Bing gē, your inferiority complex is showing.  

He knew just the perfect scapegoats.

One was the son of heaven—the current emperor of the Mortal Realm himself. His fate was sealed the moment he’d declared the exceptional demon lord to be a threat and that the middle kingdom would not be content with nothing short of his destruction.

Second was the Old Palace Master—the sect leader of the still-surviving Huan Hua Palace. That pervert was the poisonous snake that was entrenched in the grass, waiting for an opportunity to strike and bite his son-in-law to death.

And lastly, the most crucial, would be the symbol of everything that had gone wrong in Luo Binghe’s life. He was the ideal sacrificial pawn, for that person was an existence Luo Binghe would definitely not be able to touch even if he harbored resentment.

Ping!

【Warning! Allowing Protagonist <<LUO BINGHE>> knowledge of the powers that be is prohibited. A penalty will be imposed on the Esteemed Host should you continue!】

System, Shen Yuan roared in his head, must you undermine everything I do? Even as his fingers curled into fists, he resolutely maintained his mild forbearance as they approached the boundary. He thought viciously, If you’re so worried, then why don’t you activate a filter to edit what I’m saying into something that suits this world?

Ping.

【The Esteemed Host voluntarily wishes for censorship?】

Not censorship! Just filter any forbidden words into something of similar equivalence. I give you permission! Just don’t meddle! This is a critical stage toward jumpstarting Bing gē’s character development!

Now that he thought about it, naturally the main reason why many of the modern characters never admitted to being a transmigrator was out of fear of being seen as crazy. Shen Yuan could count on one hand the number of stories where the protagonist admitted to actually being one.

Wasn’t he in an optimal position where he could be believed? The intimate act of exchanging secrets brought people even closer. Shen Yuan was not above using the same emotional tricks to lure Luo Binghe to his side.

A sudden warmth jostled him out of his thoughts. Just as he heard the notification that the filter had been activated, he noticed Luo Binghe had stepped closer to him. Body heat transferred to Shen Yuan from their proximity. He could smell the scent of fur.

His smile was ferocious, as if he were a vicious wolf. “The ways of the heavens are merciless.” A hand lifted to play with the loose white strands. Luo Binghe seemed to have found his albinism curious. “While this lord is appreciative to elder Shen Yuan, I am aware that immense hatred and bad blood has existed between the moral sects and demonkind for generations. Yet you’ve magnanimously harbored me at your residence and shared with me my bright future. Aren’t you worried your celestial brethren will accuse you of collusion with this lord for your own benefit?”

Brows that were as pale as the snow rose at the provocative words. Although I haven’t met such “celestial brethren,” to think you would see the bigger picture of classism and discrimination.... Sighing in his heart, Shen Yuan realized he must have misjudged him. He hadn’t thought a formidable, blackhearted stallion protagonist like himself could be broad-sighted. Luo Binghe, I never thought you’d grow up overnight.

“...I don’t think you’re rotten.”

“Hm?”

“On account of you being half-demon,” he clarified. “Judging a person by their birth and social status is proof that a person is narrow-minded. I have seen with my own eyes how hard you work and I sincerely admire your potential.”

As the old saying went, one should never look down on youngsters. If they worked hard, the future of young people was boundless, and they will inevitably turn the situation around.

On the surface level, Luo Binghe spoke with a refreshing candor and treated others warmly and sincerely. He was not unreasonable, and he was as filial as they come—showing favoritism and loyalty toward those he held in high esteem. It was only when he faced adversity or found himself on the battlefield that he would be merciless—so no matter how much goodwill others showed him, it was useless if he held secret grievances toward them in his heart.

“Moreover, you’ve surely heard for all your life that an alliance between a human and a demon would truly be a laughingstock of this world.” He held Luo Binghe’s riveted stare. “...But I’m looking at that impossible unity right now.”

A brittle expression melted into existence. “...And what of the celestial gods and fairies of the Heavenly Realm?”

“What of them?”

“Do they hold the same broadmindedness as Shizun?”

Shen Yuan eyed him. When he remained silent, Luo Binghe understood he had gotten his answer.

“...Shizun is a precious existence,” Luo Binghe remarked. “The world has its own rules. And everything within it follows them.”

While it was true that good wordbuilding was kept within its sandbox, Shen Yuan didn’t think upholding such a limitation applied to individuals equipped with the protagonist’s halo. Protagonists were meant to break convention.

Shen Yuan corrected, “Just because a celestial is an immortal body of divinity does not mean I am beholden to share the same outdated values.【My way of thinking is modern and doesn’t suit the current times.】Knowing what I know, naturally there would be some deviation.”

He paused, realizing what had emerged from his mouth.

What he’d meant to say was that he was a transmigrator and that was why his way of thinking deviated from canon NPCs! This was supposed to be the moment he revealed to him his shocking identity!

Shen Yuan tried again, “It would be the height of folly to dismiss your capabilities just because of your birthright.【You are meant to stand at the peak of the dynasty overlooking all living beings.】Regardless, I will support you whether you choose to be the Sacred Ruler or if you decide to live a simpler life.”

His expression immediately sunk. It happened again! He’d meant to say, because Luo Binghe was the stallion protagonist, his meteoric rise was inevitable.

Luo Binghe had been keenly watching the byplay of emotions on Shen Yuan’s face as he spoke. As he saw the neutrality melt into heated frustration, Luo Binghe naturally formed his own assumptions from it. Under a softened tone, he repeated, “A simpler life?”

A stone had lodged itself in his throat. Shen Yuan had wanted to express to the young man that he didn’t want to pressure him into taking on the burden and responsibilities of a duty he wasn’t ready for, but he hadn’t expected to be hit with a burst of memories.

It made him remember his own family life. Before this madness.

“Being alive is actually a wonderful thing.” Nostalgia swept across his features. “...You are a grown man, Luo Binghe. Just because you have the potential to be great doesn’t mean you should be forced into something if it isn’t what you want to do.”

Wracking his brain for how to address the concept of Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky without having Shen Yuan’s original intention changed drastically, he confided, “I’m not like your creator. I don’t want to erase your agency; I wish to see if you can transcend your original settings.”

The mood changed in a flash. “My creator?” Luo Binghe’s tone was sharp. The white hair was released as he impulsively reached for Shen Yuan’s arms. “What does Shizun mean?”

He could see the vibrancy of the demon crest on Luo Binghe’s forehead, being this close to him. As though commenting on the weather, Shen Yuan remarked cavalierly, “Have you not found it strange that, despite not committing any wrongdoings, you’d perhaps suffered more misfortunes than anyone else—as though they’d been preordained? A storm tests the strength of a blade of grass. You were orphaned, twice, as a child. People picked on you when you were defenseless. A reputably famous immortal selected you as a disciple, but upon seeing your potential, swiftly went to undercut it. At just a young age, you’ve seen the duplicity of human hearts, fought countless tough opponents, and endured numerous betrayals and hardships.”

Luo Binghe’s expression had hardened.

“Your destiny has been【manipulated by a higher power】to hasten your growth.” Undergoing tribulations was not a foreign concept. In the Cultivation World, cultivators were expected to undergo tests from the Heavens to determine if they were worthy of ascension. “Most would be crushed under such trials, but your will to live is strong. Thus your rate of progress has been accelerated because of such painstaking efforts.”

You are indeed a far mightier man than I could ever be. With your head-start, even if I challenge you countless times, I will never be able to claim victory currently with how unfairly OP you are.

“You are claiming there has been a higher power who has caused this lord much grief and misery, all in accordance to a predestined plan he has prophesied for me?” Luo Binghe’s voice was deceptively gentle.

Shen Yuan hesitated.

“Shen Yuan.”

Seeing that all pretenses were already thrown to the wind, Shen Yuan had no inhibitions anymore. He could only apologize to Airplane brother in his heart, for turning his creation against him and making him an unfilial son.

Shen Yuan opened his mouth. “You aren’t【my creation.】It is frowned upon for【gods and immortals】to poach【extraordinary heroes】from their【patronage】without permission.”

Maintaining a genial facade, Luo Binghe expressed with a sincerity that rang a little false, “This lord simply wishes to know which deity to pay humble respects to for their gracious sponsorship.”

An enigmatic smile stole across Shen Yuan’s face. “One could say every living thing such as yourself and everything beautiful and evil in this world sprung from his imagination. His【name has been lost with time.】But I know him as elder Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī."

Those dark brows drew downward. “Xiàng Tiān Dà...Fēijī?”

Ah, of course you wouldn’t know what an airplane is. Shen Yuan ruminated for a moment before reaching up for Luo Binghe’s wrists. As though he were an older brother admonishing one’s insensible younger brother, he said graciously, “Fēijī gēis a controversial but well-respected figure within our circles. His writings are not without merit.”

His words were mostly self-serving, but had Airplane brother been in his shoes, Shen Yuan would have wanted him to elevate his standing in front of his “children.” Even if it was just by a little.

Under the same earnest tone, Shen Yuan insisted, “He might have lost his integrity in the past but he has always held well intentions and wants to see his【creations】flourish. You, especially, were his original written masterpiece.”

Luo Binghe’s gaze fell on the pale fingers encircled around his wrists. “And where does Shen Yuan fall into all this?”

In life, it was not possible to bloom bright flowers from lies. Try as he might to hide it, his smile became strained from the memories of his painful past—of how much time he’d wasted, how much rénmínbì he’d spent out of his own wallet. Shen Yuan confessed, “I was once an admirer of his before I grew disillusioned. Your life is full of tragic misunderstandings. That’s why I want to see if I can rewrite the travesty of the future you’ve been shoehorned into. Your journey has been of interest to me the moment he【birthed】you and this world.”

Luo Binghe’s hands refused to budge from him no matter how much force was exerted. Shen Yuan frowned.

“Is your remark real?” Seeing Shen Yuan’s confusion, he clarified, “That you would be willing to overstep boundaries and break from celestial tradition to offer your support to this lord?”

“I’m not being facetious.” Shen Yuan scrutinized his handsome features. “We know what you are meant to do. Fēijī gē had set you up for greatness. With your power, you will surely achieve justice and bring the evils of the Three Realms to judgement, and unify the realms as the Sacred Ruler. And once you’ve served your purpose, your story is at its end. I’ve seen your ending. Your great legacy will ultimately be remembered as nothing more than a tragic, bitter wastrel who, even with your accomplishments, had wasted away and perished under suspicious circumstances.”

Dark storm clouds gathered in Luo Binghe’s expression.

“But knowing all that, what does Luo Binghe want to do?” Shen Yuan spoke brusquely. “Don’t care what I think. You have free will, do you not? It’s one thing for me to advise you against the misfortunes you’ll encounter. But do you even want to be a Sacred Ruler? I would like to hear the input of his own creation.”

“...In the eyes of the virtuous, this lord will always be a wicked and unspeakable evil that must be slayed. In the eyes of aristocrats, I will never get ahead. To them, I will always be the son of a penniless washerwoman.” His voice had been calm and waveless, but there was a trace of heavy tension—and a fatalism that’d felt suffocating. With the air of a galvanized, hot-blooded warlord in battle, Luo Binghe declared, “This lord will not find peace until none would dare oppose me, and I attain everything that has been denied to me.”

How selfish, Shen Yuan couldn’t help but think. But he supposed it made sense. In the past, Luo Binghe had always been the one trampled underfoot, but now that the shoe was on the other foot, it was to be expected he’d want to take everything he thought to belong to him.

He asked Luo Binghe again, “Do you still want to honor Fēijī’s wishes for you and become his Sacred Ruler? Or do you want to travel a different path? The present is different from the past or future. I will respect whichever decision you make.”

Luo Binghe repeated the words “the present is different from the past or future” softly. Those charcoal eyes scrutinized him back.

Shen Yuan had a sudden realisation in his heart when Luo Binghe raised his palm reverently to the back of Shen Yuan’s hand. He kept his expression wooden when a beatific smile bloomed across Luo Binghe’s features, chasing away the prior shadows.

“This lord,” Luo Binghe announced with the finality of a man making a solemn vow, “will never accept Fēijī ’s patronage. Such a thoughtless, presumptuous, good-for-nothing creator is unfit to lick my boots.”

...I express my deepest apologies, Airplane brother. Please do not transmigrate into this world like your Self-Insert in the rebooted novels—or you will be made into mincemeat.

Ping.

【Protagonist A Satisfaction points +99.】

Shen Yuan nearly swallowed his tongue upon hearing it. It took everything in he not to reveal his astonishment. Although he had expected to have made a dent in Luo Binghe’s heart, it was staggering by how much impact his words had! In his incredulity, he’d almost missed what was declared next.

“Instead, this lord shall only truly accept Shen Yuan.” His dark lashes fluttered shut as he lifted their entwined fingers just below his jaw, his breath fanning across Shen Yuan’s knuckles. “My Shizun is honorable, honest, and foreseeing. None can compare. In return for guiding this lord with his oracles, I will ensure they come to pass, and swear to protect him from his back. You will achieve the results desired.”

Oh, my mother. A feeling arose in him that he had somehow enmeshed himself in a trap of his own devising.

“This lord understands. Your heart had suffered so long enduring the injustices this one had to suffer while I was weak and oppressed. Shen Yuan must have felt helpless being unable to directly interfere with matters of the secular world, retained at the residence of the Heavenly Realm and not being allowed to see me. It is because this lord has only now managed to find a way to Shizun that you have seized the opportunity.”

He’d just dealt him a fatal blow. You understand nothing , Shen Yuan wanted to bellow! If this were a tabletop game, then he had just rolled a Nat20 with his Charisma check. It was too good of a roll! Aren’t you just projecting your ideal Shizun onto me?

“Thanking Shizun for the lesson. Your insightfulness continues to impress this lord.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes shook when Luo Binghe lifted his head. And then he realized how close they’d gotten again. Close, too close! He could practically see the jut of his collarbones peeking above the soft fur.

His heart wavered for a moment. Pulling his hand away, he feigned a cough into his fist. Taking the time to regain his composure, he said, “You know, we might not be kinsmen, but helping each other should be just enough to be good friends.”

“An offer of friendship?” His tone was deceptively intimate and unpredictable. To Shen Yuan’s wide eyes, Luo Binghe went to cup his hand over a fist in a formal gesture. Bending the steel sword that was his spine, he proclaimed to him, “Then this lord shall avail to raise his reputation and prowess. To be regarded as worthy in Shen Yuan’s eyes and in the eyes of the Heavens, this one will surpass expectations.”

The soft waves of his dark hair fell over the white fur as Shen Yuan exasperatedly tugged at Luo Binghe’s arms, encouraging the demon lord to stand back up from his unnecessary display of supplication. He had the feeling they’d cleared some sort of checkpoint or hurdle.

How dangerous. The allure of Luo Binghe’s every word and smile were like spring waters trickling gently past Shen Yuan’s ironclad defenses. His own charisma made Shen Yuan, who had resolved to remain highly vigilant, want to believe his words just like that.

He noticed that Luo Binghe had stopped directly at the boundary. The demon lord was looking at the fog as though it had wronged him in some way.

Ping.

【Notifying the Esteemed Host! Skinship is required for Protagonist A to gain entry. Would Protagonist <<SHEN YUAN>> like to add Protagonist <<LUO BINGHE>> to his party? Y/N?】

Since it was like that, he could only comply. Secreting the weary sigh in his heart, Shen Yuan took the initiative. With one step into the swirling white mist, he twisted his body sideways and extended his palm. He gazed at him expectantly.

Without hesitation, Luo Binghe took his hand. And Shen Yuan pulled him into his world.

Ping.

【Congratulations! Protagonist <<LUO BINGHE>> has been successfully added to the party!】

Ping.

【Reloading the map! Loading...loading...success! The simulation has been reconfigured! Jiāyóu, lăoshī!】

[shadowtongued]

long headcanon about the duality of love and the mahjarrat condition pertaining to it from his point of view. if you read all this babble i swear to god, i love you, i hope you have a good day. cw: sex addiction, child neglect, unhealthy coping, unrequited pains. reason for writing: hi i want to die bc of angst.

i think we all know even without playing medieval xp grind lore game, runescape, that sliske is old. very old. he tells us in endgame there's not much he hasn’t done with his life over thousands of years, even traveling to other planets and realms to just see what was out there and how far he could get. i’ve always projected his age as somewhere between more than 8,000 or even more than 10,000. we’re never given a timeline to how long the children of mah have lived. sliske has done a lot with his time; he’s killed a god, had quite a few elder relics in his grasp, SPOKEN to a elder god and managed not to die, mastered shadow magicks, has an excellent grasp on the shadow realm. he’s good with biology, chemistry, has a fair understanding of soul magic which is kind of a rare brand of knowledge, he’s tricked probably thousands into bad contracts to become wights in his army, understands the psychology and bad morals of people. he was a playwright, a high ranking officer, a spymaster. dude is just a determined polymath. you know what he hasn’t done? love. he’s never got to play with love.

mahjarrat are explained as having emotions, but dulled ones. they feel rage and pride apparently better than others. kharshai said after years of really believing he was a human, that when he came back to his true form he states “i  feel raw power coursing through my veins. i don't feel pain like i used to, and i'm sure my intellect has increased. but somehow there is something missing. a capacity for emotion that i can't quite put my finger on.” they aren’t equipped for the same range of positive emotions as others are. they feel it, but they don’t understand it fully, it has been said by developers. this whole bit is sadly funny considering in canon, sliske catches feelings. he doesn’t realize he’s attracted to the player character. it’s stated many times, in his journals, in dialogue, etc. he believes their fates are tangled no matter what. and the saddest bit is he probably doesn’t understand these feelings and it confuses him to the point of anger.  “ love! a mahjarrat in love? ... i almost wish that were true. it would certainly make the universe a more interesting place. ” “ so perhaps i have loved you. but that doesn’t mean i have to like you.”  sliske’s main goal started off as to take the players immortal, unable to be crushed by the divine, soul and give it to himself so he could live forever, as mahjarrats do not have afterlives, once they die they are done, evaporated into energy. but in endgame we learn something from him hidden in masks that refutes that;

“I love you for more than your soul.”

you STUPID fucker, you’re in love.

the remainder of this is a lot of NON-CANON, personal headcanon interpretation that pretty much only works on this blog. as a rough summary: sliske’s ol’ mum was not fond of her kids, half-brother wahisietel or sliske since she did not see them as powerful as herself and was disappointed that's what her legacy came out to. a short, beefy, average at magic son, she had another go and was still disappointed with this spidery, scrawny, gifted but absolutely annoying stick underweight child. his father, saw him once or twice in his life and that was it. dyeosuthua wanted nothing more than to make them disappear and try again until she got offspring she didn’t want to throw into a lava pit in secrecy, infanticide was against tribal law due to population issues. sliske’s mother’s neglect was so severe, ( by the absolute boundless joys of rp development and mutual heacanons ♥ ) that wahi and nabor had an attempt at raising him and keeping him from freezing to death. why is all this jargon important? because while all mahjarrats are raised by tough love, sliske’s attention deprivation from his mother was so severe, he grew up and still has a slew of reactive attachment, psychological, and social issues he still carries as an adult. several times she threatened to kill him and almost made good on it more than twice. when wahisietel had proven he was a survivor of the first ritual of rejuvenation, sliske became dyeosuthua’s  main target for abuse despite his gift for magic at a young age. nothing he did could impress her enough. and it left him constantly seeking approval and validation to an insecure mind.

the more he grew, the more confident he became mainly out of spite and to get attention. he’s loud, charming, makes you the only person in the room when he talks to you. he has an innate silver-tongued ability that persuades people to do just about anything. it was a front for his insecurities that he kept very very closed up. in the second age/senntisten capital, sliske had a pretty severe sex addiction as it was one of the few ways he felt validated and was able to get affection in a way he could digest. people with reactive attachment disorders often have sex addictions to fill the space of acceptance without having to commit.. easy, feel good intimacy without having to open up and let someone learn about your vulnerabilities and commit. it was pretty severe, considering mahjarrats find any kind of breeding or intimacies outside their ‘superior species’ as downright foul. sliske had always been the black sheep of the tribe and with his status as praefectus praetorio; head of secret police, really nothing put a damper on him trying to fill the void for affection he had. there wasn’t a species or individual he wouldn’t bed. he would easily take up propositions even for people who just wanted to fuck a mahjarrat because it was ‘exotic’ or because of his status as an officer, he now looks back on this and it bruises his insecurities even more that he allowed himself to do that. not out of pride for his species. but himself, being just a thing to be had because of rarity. azzanadra and his brother, wahisietel found out about it and while disgusted, partially understood what he was doing to negatively self soothe. at one point sliske and azzanadra, the champion of their god and head of the church, as well of one of the strongest living of their kin, had a lasting tryst for a few years and for awhile it made sliske feel very much self important in a way and alleviated his need to be needed so badly, this did not end well when sliske grew tired of their empire and wanted freedom. once childhood best friends and lovers had become absolute enemies once sliske became too unstable and azzanadra became too zealous. 

sliske gave up his sexcapades for a long time, thousands of years, his libido dropped when he became interested in other projects and self healing when he was hit with the idea that he hasd essentially allowed himself to be an exotic fling and still burned over becoming his god, zaros, scapegoat after all he had done for him. love was a weird concept to him and still is. despite being adamant love doesn’t exist for his kind, and his belief that he is flawed, unstable, and embraced the idea of ‘you want a monster? fine! i’ll be the monster!’. he expects no pity, not be forgiven to things he has done and even in game when you sycophantically try to cozy to him, he straight up calls out your text choice was awful considering some of the shitty things he might have done to you. to sliske, all attention to him is attention, whether you’re praising or insulting him. he’s on your mind, he exists, that’s all he wants.

backstory aside the real part of this headcanon is that sliske actually wants love. it’s the only thing aside from an immortal soul he hasn’t had. sliske actually has an attraction to humans because they are empathetic, curious, passionate, and determined. he has an easier time assimilating and being around them since he has ALWAYS had a better sense of humor, socializing, and happiness than his kin. he feels emotions a lot stronger than his fellow mahjarrats. it allows him to talk to and connect to humans and humanlike species better. others of his kind have told him there’s “something wrong” with him for that. he’s actually a romantic, even if he’s just mimicking romance stories, movies, and actions from others. he thinks the idea of settling with one person and loving them is both mortifying and interesting. opening yourself up to someone and giving them the hammer to smash your cherry-red painted porcelain heart and seeing if they do, to him might be the ultimate form of trust and biggest gamble of russian roulette. the stakes are so heavy he’s high on the idea. but it’s also horrifying. mahjarrat are prolific for not opening up, not allowing others in, vulnerability out in the open is a death sentence. they live in a kratocracy/meritocracy where they kill off the weakest link. it’s not pretty. being soft is a useless, unnecessary, weak gene to them. it dampers survival. 

but yet sliske keeps reading romance novels, writing his own confused poetry, and getting into unrequited one sided loves but practicing a backstabbing betrayal when one gets too close. i have to hurt them before they hurt me, betray and cut them down before they can do it to me. i think he wants to be loved. i think he kinda wants to be taught to love, for the emotions and the sake of knowledge. ( brb james newton howard’s ‘true love’s kiss’ from maleficent just came on spotify and i think i’m going to die bc i did not ask for background music thanks!!! ) he wouldn’t be the best at it, maybe a little too possessive with you, codependent, but very nurturing and fun loving. will sepnd a whole week spooning you.. people who hurt you past, present, and future may end up dead in mysterious ways or turned into a wight for you to beat the shit out of. but he’d try. he’s still got a broken child sitting behind his third rib. i think he would snarl the first few times someone genuinely got close to him, it would terrify him, being known on such a skinned, raw level. having gentle touches that are real and not a come hither to the bedroom. being known for something other than the confident, ego he has is death. he could be taught to be gentle for a crumb of consistent attention. might even cut down the murders and god killing down by 15%. love is not going to fix him, it’s not going to forgive the actual shitty things he’s done. it should never do that. but it will turn the lights on in a dark house.

love could really break him. i think so. i’d type more but this has gone on too long and i feel sad-happies. 

[clotitrash]

My OBJECTIVE opinion on CA vs CT and thoughts on the topic.

I know, I'm a CloTi, but that doesn't mean I can give my unbiased opinion on the topic and why I think both sides are correct but definitively one is the endgame for Final Fantasy 7: Remake.

THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE COMPILATION, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

First of all I'll start with Aerith's relationship with Cloud, let's get this out of the way, it's completly possible that both had feelings for each other at some point during their friendship, after all CLoud is a man, a 21 years-old man to be exact but with the mind of a 16 year-old. It's really likely that Cloud was sexually attracted to Aerith, he's still a teenager in mind and by no means she's ugly, in my opinion the scene where Aerith shows up with the red dress shows that, but being sexually attracted to someone doesnt necessarilly mean that you're romantically attracted. This is where people needs to understand the difference between the concept of "LOVE" and "ATTRACTION" and even more important, the difference between "PLATONIC" and "ROMANTIC" love. Cloud is initially attracted to her, Aerith is bold, pushy, flirty, the complete opposite of Cloud in terms of personality, she shows her feelings really easily and that can initially attract Cloud, at least as far as we can see in Part 1. To expand on this I'll use what we see in OG for obvious reasons. Cloud and Aerith's relationship evolves, they become friends. Yes, OG pushes Aerith against Tifa and both of them "fight" for Cloud, but more than that she becomes a platonic lover for Cloud, he sees in her an older sister, someone that pushes him out of his comfort zone. It can be possible that Cloud still had feelings for her at this point, but even if he had her tragic fate comes. She's killed by Sephiroth. Even if both of them had feelings for each other, no matter how little they were this is the last straw that kills that romance. A lot of people seem to forget that the characters from Final Fantasy 7 are portrayed as REALISTIC, Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, Barret etc. they all are portrayed as human, it isn't realistic for someone to be grieving all their lives for someone that died, and that is shown in the own compilation, in Dirge of Cerberus they no longer wear the ribbons on their arms on Advent Children because of that, because they have moved on from the past. Not saying that they forgot about Aerith, just that they moved on from the memories that haunted them for all this years. This is not even taking into account Zack, who canonically, is Aerith's first love. At the end of Crisis Core Zack dies, Aerith, confused, doesn't know why he has not came back to her like he promised. Even today we don't really know if Aerith knows about Zack's death, if she is in denial of the fact Zack that died, or is she genuinely believes that he is cheating on her. Because how Cloud appears on her life, both him and Zack goes through the roof of the church and land on a bed of flowers, both are Soldiers 1st Class, both have the same sword etc. Aerith tries to re-live her romance with Zack through him. This is shown on their date in Gold Saucer, where Aerith says that she want to meet "the Real Cloud", knowing that even if he had feelings for her, they are not from his genuine persona. Arguments like "but she loved more Cloud than Zack" are not true for various reasons, 1st: The novel where this is said, "The Maiden who travels the Planet" is not part of Compilation of Final Fantasy 7, and 2nd: Advent Children completly dismantles this argument, not to say how distressed she was when the group visits Gongaga. Talking about Advent Children, if Aerith really wanted, she could have perfectly reunited with Cloud. Cloud enters the Lifrestream and Aerith herself pushes him out of it telling him that it isn't his time yet and that he has to come back to his family. Cloud also refers to Aerith as "mother" confirming the fact that Cloud saw her as a platonic love, like the love a mother has for her children, or what brothers have.

Moving onto Tifa's relationship with Cloud, she is Cloud's childhood friend and crush. In contrast with Cloud's relationship with Aerith we know what his feelings are for Tifa. This is important because their dynamic is established really early into the game, Cloud is still in love, romantic love, with Tifa and he, even in the fake persona he is in during Part 1 of Remake, shows his real self when he is with her. Meanwhile, Tifa also has romantic feelings for Cloud, it is true that she realized she had those feelings for him too late because Cloud already left Nibelheim to go to soldier. That's why the scene of Zack, Sephiroth and Cloud coming to Nibelheim is so important, because she wanted to see him, but he is so embarassed he couldn't make true his promise that he can't even face her. You have to realize that the whole premise of the game goes around Cloud wanting to make it into SOLDIER to impress her because he still blames himself for the accident Tifa has when she is younger in Mt. Nibel and that is why the scene of Cloud's promise to Tifa is so important, because it's something that ties the two of them troughout the whole game, Cloud always protecting Tifa even tho she really doesn't need him to. Continuing with what we know from OG, we get one of the most important scenes for both Cloud and Tifa's relationship and Cloud's own character development, the Lifestream. In the Lifestream, Tifa is able to see Cloud subconscious where she realized that the romantic feelings she has for Cloud are mutual, and the reason because all his strange behaviour is because all those awful experiments Hojo made on him. People forget that Tifa is the only one that can unlock Cloud's real persona because the only thing that can bring him back are those precious memories he has with Tifa. If Mideel already shows how important Cloud is for Tifa and how she realized her feelings for him, the Lifestream just confirms it. That is the biggest difference between Tifa's relationship with Cloud in contrast with Aerith, while we know the feelings of both and us, the player, knows it is mutual, we only know Aerith's side and we never really get to know Cloud's actual feelings for her other than platonic love. After all this we get the scene that really shows the change in Tifa and Cloud's dynamic from friends to people that know they are both attracted and love romantically each other, Under the Highwind. No matter if you get the High Affection or Regular Affection scene, both aren't optional. In both you get Tifa and Cloud speaking heart to heart because this may be the last chance to prove their feelings for each other before they fight Sephiroth, the only difference in this being that it is implied they have sex in the High Affection scene, which I personally think is not a relevant point for the scene because the point of the scene is them having a moment to reassure what they feel for each other, this possibly being their certain death.

In my honest opinion and without taking into account my personal bias towards one of the ships, narratively both in OG, ACC, DoC and now Remake, a romance between Cloud and Aerith is not sustainable, we all know what is going to happen to Aerith sooner or later in the game and the own Compilation denies any possible romance between them.