#and as a result suffered when he ultimately was unable to save what mattered most

[mightaswelljxmp]

i love having both etho and kakashi as My Guys because then whenever i see either of them it’s two for the price of one

[ilariyalavorowrites]

Delirious Happy Endings (Part four)

Imagine: Imagine being in a coma in which you live out the perfect life which is influenced by the message you left on Connor Rhodes’s voicemail finally admitting the true depths of your feelings during which a car collides with your parked car which results in the coma.

Warnings: Car Accident, Blood, Hospitalisation, Coma induced fantasies, angst with happy ending

Pairings: Connor Rhodes x Reader

Word count: 2,246 words

Universe: Chicago Med

Reader gender: Female

Author: Ilariya_Lavoro writes

Part 4 of 4

Previous

Tagged: @jeonoxin

To think that a month ago, Connor had been blissfully unaware of the nightmare unfolding hundreds of miles away. That was until he turned his personal phone back on after a long night shift. He waited those few minutes that it took to his phone to come back to life and the notifications to come flooding in.

DING DING

A few new emails that would need his attention but they could wait until he got home. A few new texts from friends that he had both spoken to recently or not for a little while. Friends back in Chicago who would occasionally drop him a line to check in, see how he was doing, how the job was going and hoping that he missed them and the hospital enough to drop in for a visit. It would be nothing short of a bare faced lie to say that he didn’t but still when he thought back to the years.

With a quick glance over the screen he took in the various new notifications, each would need a moment of his time to go through, check and  respond to. They could wait a little while longer. He needed to find some peace and quiet that he could always find in the sanctuary that was his apartment.

It was his safe space, one that he could find solace in after a long tiring shift working in an emergency department, where chaos was king. He was changing from moment to moment, all depending on what came through those doors. Whether wheeled in by paramedics or in foot from the front desk, he evolved on a case to case basis. He loved the ability to help those on their worst days see the rising sun of the next and grieved each patient was unable to save.

It was very the nature of his job to walk that ever so thin line between this world and the next. Connor was a healer with a fractured heart. He loved and lost time and time again. He had chosen to break free from a place where suffered more than most, a city he adored but he could no longer ever consider it to be home. Too many rotten memories compounded by terrible choices, not all of his own making.

There had been a few bright, glorious sparks hidden in the overwhelming thick tar that had been painted and ultimately smeared those years under an almost completely opaque shade of midnight. Thick and unsurprisingly completely unpleasant, a stain that forever linger and haunt him. The bad would always outweigh the good when he thought back to his time at Gaffney. A spectre that would never truly fade away. No matter how hard he tried to forget and move forward with his life.

He frowned as his gaze lingered a moment or two longer on the screen. He had not expected this to be displayed upon his phone’s screen. A missed call from her. She had been one of few that he could consider both a colleague and a friend. She had been that once before a line had been crossed.  He had to mentally correct himself as his fingers swiftly danced across the screen hovering over the call icon before it diverted to the text icon click it instead.

His eyes widened slightly, she had chosen to leave a voicemail. This mildly piqued his curiosity about the contents of the message in question. What could she have to say to him after all this time? Retrospectively when he relieved the last verbal and electronic messages that they had exchanged before he disappeared into the night, he shivered at his dismissing and clinical tone. There was nothing left of their friendship and dare he say the beginnings of something more if he dared to stay for one more night.

The overwhelming negative shift in the atmosphere reinforced his decision, he had to leave then and there. The off chance of sparking up a new romantic entanglement after the last had murdered his father had been impossibility. 

He had always regretted that night where his mask slipped revealing the broken man underneath all the bravado. She had been there for him at his worst and seen him at his best. She was always there when he needed someone outside of his relationships, to be his sounding board and see what he could not.

She never complained, always had a radiant smile plastered from ear to ear at the beginning and end of each and every shift. He always poked fun at this, for nothing could wipe that grin from her lips. Her light, her endless joy made his day a little brighter. He found himself more often than not gravitating towards her, as if he was a planet orbiting his sun. As if she was the only source of heat and light that he required.

They say liquor lowers inhibitions, reveals what subconsciously has always been there beneath the surface. Hiding in plain sight. That night Connor had opened his eyes to the true depths of his feelings for his dear friend. A love that he always labelled as platonic. Never considering that it was the tip of the iceberg. The rest was simply hidden beneath the waves.

The very moment that his lip had contacted hers, he could see and feel fireworks exploding all around them. It felt right, she was the one that he never saw coming by a long shot. What followed had been nothing short of an intense passionate night spent in her arms. It had been glorious, driven by a desire and attraction that slowly blossomed into life. 

It had bloomed into something beautiful, something that he had wanted to explore and revisit again and again. To see if they would be good together and thrive. Sadly there never had been the chance to. The morning after he awoke to find her gone, that side of bed had long since gone cold. There was no indication that she was there in the first place. 

She had quietly tidied up the glasses and carefully dressed before sneaking out. There had been strange distant wedging between them whenever he was in her presence. Those moments were few and far between. She had been impossible to locate when needed for a consult when Dr Abrams was unavailable. 

This spoke volumes but it did not confirm his worries. Connor managed to corner her briefly asking to speak to her privately, his friend had agreed setting a time and place. However Ava happened to throw a spanner in the works, sending him spiralling off course and down a rabbit hole that he struggled to re-emerge from until it was just too late.

Until his father collapsed and she operated, coolly murdering without a second thought for what came next. On how he reacted to the news of his father’s death. He might not like the man because he was still his own flesh and blood at the end of the day. Connor would never have wished this upon even his worst enemy.

His head had seen the out, pushing what his heart craved to the back of his mind, burying deeper and deeper. Silencing it until it was nothing short of a muffled whisper that could not be understood.

He had chosen to walk away from Chicago, inadvertently deciding to leave her behind at the same time. Ending something before it had even truly begun.

 Connor dialled the number for his voicemail before placing the device against his ear as he listened through the automatic message that followed before it played the new message. His eyes widened with surprise as the words that he had always longed to hear played out in the voicemail. It warmed his heart to know that she cared, that she wanted more with him. 

He felt the urge rise up within him to call her back then and there but how quickly his reality shattered from beneath him as he struggled to listen through what followed. The butterflies that had been fluttering happily stilled. He was powerless and only could listen with the knowledge this had already occurred. 

That something had happened to her back in Chicago as an olive branch had been extended out trying to draw him back in, back to her. Connor knew that he still had friends that he could reach out to. One of them had to know what was going on. Once he had more information then he could draw up a battle plan and clearly plot where he would go from here. However there was a piece of the puzzle that he was completely certain of, he was going back. He would be flying back to the city that he swore to himself that he would never return to.

She was reason enough to. Maybe timing was finally on their side but first Connor needed clarity on whatever situation had occurred on the other end of the phone. God, he was terrified but there was only one way to find out the truth. Once the message had run its course, he saved it then hung up. Without a second thought, his finger moved across to the contacts and selected one of the few numbers saved under CHICAGO MED.

He placed against his ear once more, as his feet carried him off in the direction of his condo. As the device rang once, twice and three times before it was picked up. “Hey Maggie, I know this a little out of the blue but what’s happened to Y/N? She left me a message that shook me…”

His words trailed off but his mind raced, turning over as he listened to Maggie explain. He wasn’t expecting that. She had been in a car accident the day before. The initial prognosis had been far from what they had hoped for. She had lapsed in a coma not long after being wheeled into the department. All they could do was wait and see.

“I need to clear my schedule then I’ll be on the next available red eye” He stated as he let go of the breath that he hadn’t known he was holding. “Please keep me posted if anything changes. Thanks Maggie, I really appreciate this.” He continued before hanging up the call, he had a mountain of tasks and operations to move around and hang off to other competent surgeons that he trusted. This would take time but he couldn’t let this opportunity for a happy ending slide on by.

He had too many missed chances, too many false starts and almost happily ever afters that fell short for one reason or another. This could be another to add to the pile of failed relationships but he had to at least try.

“Hello Y/N, you’re probably wondering why I’m here. I got your message. He started, his tone soft and calming as the words fell from his lips. It drew you in, just like all the other times before. He always had such a way with his words that held your focus until you were trapped in the endlessly blue gaze. He had heard your confession in its entirety along with the moment that car collided with yours.

“To be honest, it was a surprise to hear from you after all this time but definitely a pleasant one. He explained as he took a seat in the empty chair to the right of your bedside. It had been vacant for since Maggie had left to start her shift over an hour prior. 

You watched as his face blanched as he continued to speak. “I listened to the whole voicemail, both your words and what can be concluded as the accident itself” He tried his best to explain but you could see what he was struggling over the words. “I won’t deny it was hard to stomach but I’m glad to be here talking with you” 

He reached across, taking the closest hand into his own, entwining your fingers with own. The smile upon his lips was radiant, it was as if a thousand suns were burning all at once, shining in your direction, bathing and illuminating you in its warm glow. 

You felt deliriously happy, he had heard your message and there was no sign of recoil or rejection but you had to hear him say it. “Where do we go from here Connor?” You asked hesitant about his reply. “I’m not going anywhere, I want to be here for you, with you if you’ll have me that is” 

There was underlying humour purposely and not subtly lingering his tone, he was trying to make you smile but was he asking what you thought he was? “Are you asking me out on a date Dr Rhodes? Whilst I’m in a hospital bed, I’m clearly dressed for such an occasion” You jokingly replied. 

He laughed, smiling right back at you. That was another positive sign, pointing you in the direction you hoped for. “I’ll get your coat, I know the lovely little restaurant not far from here” He continued enjoying the inside joke that seemed to develop out of the blue. It was like old times but something had changed but for the better.

“And yes, I am asking you on a date. Are you saying….” He held the last word back, wanting you to finish the sentence for him. “Yes, I’m saying yes Connor”

[rainbowoverdragon]

Thoughts on Ryo

This is an analysis of Zane Truesdale/Ryo Marufuji, focusing on his mindset as well as his relationships with other people. As I am basing this off the original Japanese version for standardization, all names likewise are their sub counterparts.

When Sho obtains a rare and powerful card from his brother, he believes he has it made. After this, Sho finds the courage to confront his bully in a duel. So after he draws Power Bond, Sho thinks he has it made. He gloats to the bully, insulting him, making outlandish claims out of the arrogant belief that he can't lose. Before he can use it, Sho is interrupted by the very person who gifted him that card. "You aren't worthy to use that card yet. Until you have what it takes to be called a duelist, I declare that card off-limits.'' Devastated by this statement, Sho proceeded to view himself as incapable of dueling for years; unworthy of Power Bond. It’s an establishing character moment for both Marufuji brothers, setting Ryo up as an impossible standard to reach in Sho’s eyes. However, for Ryo, his intentions are revealed to be more well-intentioned than Sho is led to believe. In episode 8, Sho realizes that Ryo wished for Sho to treat his own power with respect: towards both his opponent and his high-risk high-reward cards. This constant cycle of good intentions and misplaced words leads to a negative feedback loop between the brothers that seems impossible to resolve. Ryo struggles to convey his own observations to others in a way that doesn’t come off as condescending. Sho cannot take things past face value, and places his brother upon a pedestal that he cannot surpass. After all, how can you beat perfection itself?

During his years in Duel Academy, Ryo is the embodiment of perfection. He is the opposite of his brother, never missing a single mark in any area. Everyone constantly refers to Ryo as “perfect”, from his teachers to his peers to even the Kaiser himself. He even soundly beats Judai in the first duel they have together, a feat seen as impossible by the audience. But it’s this very idea of perfection that haunts Ryo, as he believes that perfection implies stagnation. If Ryo has perfect scores in class, there is no way to improve them. If he reached the peak of his potential in one duel, that means it’s all downhill from there. His greatest fears are confirmed when he loses to Edo in the Pro Leagues, starting a chain of losses that ruins his career beyond repair. Ryo is perfect. He is so perfect, that during his school years he never truly struggled against an opponent (Aside from Judai in Episodes 51-52 however he maintained the advantage for the majority of the duel). In fact, he suffered from the opposite problem. As Ryo is too powerful, he’d purposely hold back until his peers could unleash their trump cards against him. Only then did he defeat them with just enough power to avoid humiliation. His first loss wasn’t only his first loss, it was the first time Ryo found himself in a disadvantaged position. His inexperience with failure led to him associating the mere act of struggle with the idea of loss. Ryo’s inability to move past this is his own self-fulfilling prophecy. Being afraid of failure makes people play to not lose. Playing to not lose instead of playing to win causes chokes, which results in losses. Unable to break from this cycle, Ryo is abandoned by his sponsors. Which is why the idea of Underground Duels, a place where he can start over and regain his bearings is so enticing. At least, until they reveal the condition.

And at first, Ryo despises the Underground. He appeals to be released, he states it’s not what dueling is, it’s nothing like he could ever imagine. And how could it be? Ryo’s life is on the line, and for no good reason. The shock collars are there to make things fun for the audience, not for any other benefit! In his duel with Sho, who says that 'this isn't dueling', Ryo even admits he thought the same thing. It spits on the very concept of respecting your opponent. The collars humiliate you, egging you on to forget about the other person. And in general, is amoral (as well as a human rights violation). Underground Duels are almost always life or death, because nobody fights harder than people who are convinced they are going to die. And Ryo is convinced that if he duels the way that he always has, if he clings into his morals, he will die. His opponent, Mad Dog, purposely created a deck to counter him. So why should he respect him? Why should he not aim to win? Why can’t he aim to survive? After crawling from hell, nothing is the same for the Kaiser. Because every duel is another reminder that he survived. He is unable to see any match he takes for fun, every duel to him is life or death. In the real world, there are people who lose and wither away, and people who win and thrive. And by god, he wants to feel alive. He spent so long losing, something utterly unthinkable for the Kaiser of Duel Academy. Ryo was undefeated before, now he truly wishes to not experience it again. If forcing himself to feel that every fight of his is to the death, literally or mentally, then so be it. He continues dueling in the Underground, continues to utilize the shock collars he once despised. No matter what cost, health or mind, Ryo requires victory.

When Ryo is told that his health is failing from his shock collars, he doesn’t seek medical attention. Because to Ryo, being alive is more important than living. He transformed into Hell Kaiser achieved the great power that comes from becoming a monster, at the cost of self-destruction. He flirted with death, and finally has to pay the price. And he doesn’t care. As long as Ryo obtains what he wishes, he is happy. And what the Hell Kaiser wants more than anything else, is one last duel to surpass all others. Ryo would rather reach the limit of his capabilities, and die meeting them than waste away quietly to be forgotten forever. Thus he seeks Yubel, the strongest monster spirit in the Universe. If he meets an opponent of his caliber and 'shines' during the mattle, then he’d have nothing to fear in death. But he does. After entering his long-awaited match, Ryo admits to not wanting to die. He wants to live, he wants to leave a mark that can never be forgotten. Yet he doesn’t want to die. Ryo has achieved everything he wanted, shown the strongest he has been or will ever be. Before he duels Yubel, he comes to a revelation. At first, Ryo wished to fight the strongest being to win. He doesn't care anymore. Ryo is dying, win or lose the result is the same. Since he turned Hell Kaiser, Ryo only respected victory. The joy he obtained by knowing he survived another duel is utterly meaningless against Yubel. What happiness does he obtain knowing he survived��.when he isn’t going to live to begin with? He understands that the duel itself is what makes Ryo feel alive, doing the most with what remaining time he has with his life. As Ryo tells Judai, his death is the end of the road for people who glorify power. And thus it’s no surprise that Ryo is taken out by the card he is associated with most: Power Bond. A card that lets you receive unthinkable amounts of power, at the price of self-destruction.

Out of all the people who save Judai from himself, the Kaiser’s impact is one of the most apparent. It takes someone who knows the suffering someone else goes through to achieve empathy, especially in Judai's case. Judai struggles with sympathy, as shown with his interactions with Sho in Seasons 1-3. Whenever Sho asks for help with his confidence, Judai gives him the helpful advice of "Don't be anxious!" Judai cannot comprehend being insecure with one's capabilities, thus he cannot help Sho directly. In contrast, Judai is more receptive to empathy. Manjoume's crisis in Season 1 revolved around the pressure others placed upon him to succeed. Judai deeply understands his strife, and helps him fight for himself. This is why Misawa's speech about accountability fails to help Judai utilize Polymerization. Misawa has no fundamental basis to understand Judai's feelings. In contrast, Kaiser's duel with Yubel awakens Judai's character growth. Ryo is Judai's cautionary tale, a warning of self-fulfilling prophecies. During the Graduation Duel, Ryo tells Judai that he possesses infinite potential compared to himself. This rings true in watching Ryo's belief of his own lack of capability to change, resulting in his inability to change because he destroyed himself beyond repair. In contrast, Judai has not fallen to this path. Watching Ryo's descent as well as his late realization means everything to Judai: especially someone so responsive to empathy. This is because they are mirrors of each other, to the point their character’s arcs are entirely parallel to one another. Both are idolized for the power they hold over others, both of them experience the loss of the pedestal they once stood upon. Both achieve the sharpest fall from grace (against an opponent with ‘Mad’ in their title), which leads to them glorifying their own power and abusing it against others. Despite their friends trying to help them, it is ultimately up to themselves to self-actualize their shortcomings. However it is Ryo, who thinks he cannot change, who succumbs upon his own revelation. And it is Ryo, who always believed in Judai’s infinite potential even in the Graduation Duel, who changes Judai’s path. Without Ryo, Judai would be unable to utilize his power responsibly. Because Judai now knows what happens to people who push themselves too far, just like how he used to. Power is not something to be afraid of or abused, but to use responsibly.

The Hell Kaiser doesn’t entirely work for others; he even states he fought Yubel out of selfish motivations. However, Ryo is also constantly associated with lighthouses. To the people that mean the most to him, Ryo is a light that tries to guide others to safety. However lighthouses are far away from the people they try to save, and thus it takes the initiative of others to help themselves after seeing the light from afar. This is shown by Ryo’s relationships with the people he’s closest to remaining fundamentally the same from his own side: regardless of his actual guidance being positive or negative. Ryo’s actions and intentions around Sho remain the same across both his younger self and Hell Kaiser: each time trying to guide Sho to become the best version of himself. "Until you have what it takes to be called a duelist, I declare that card off-limits."", is the devastating statement Ryo told Sho as kids. But Ryo believed his brother needed to understand true power in respect, guiding Sho away from arrogance and towards the light of good. His brother's weakness required defending. This concept is twisted on its head once Ryo becomes Hell Kaiser, who only views power or meaning in victory. Thus he employs the same tactic, because Ryo does not see the difference between restricting Power Bond to teach respect, and having Sho experience the same pain he did to ditch it.

Both Ryo and Hell Kaiser sing the same song. Ryo intends on ‘protecting’ his weaker brother by teaching him right from wrong. Both times, Sho and Ryo misunderstand each other. At first, Sho doesn’t comprehend the real reason why Ryo forbade Power Bond. The second time, Ryo doesn’t understand how Sho can cling to his own beliefs of respect even if he loses because of it. However, the one time Ryo’s words connect is when he saves Sho in season 3. And even then, it’s an admission of distance between the two. Ryo sees Sho’s pain inflicted by Judai far outweighs what Ryo had done to Sho. Thus Ryo advises Sho to follow Judai, since it’s what his heart truly desired all along. He then leaves, to force Sho into walking his own path. Ryo cannot spell out Sho's wishes any more than he does. And if Sho is alone, then he is forced to swim instead of sink.

Ryo’s association with lighthouses in canon directly correlates to Fubuki. As much as Fubuki is associated with darkness, Ryo is quite literally the light that shines through to him. When Fubuki was overtaken by Darkness in the first arc, we later find out that Ryo regrets being unable to find Fubuki no matter how much information and effort he scrounged up. Fubuki then replies that the mere act of trying saved him, as he could see Ryo’s feelings in spite of the darkness that consumed him. To Fubuki, Ryo is the lighthouse that guides people through the darkness. And when Fubuki is overtaken by the Darkness in an attempt to save Ryo from it, Ryo’s feelings once again vanquishes Fubuki from the dark. However, instead of the Kaiser saving Fubuki, Hell Kaiser explicitly protects him from Darkness. Because the two are friends, even after everything Ryo’s been through. This leads Fubuki to a revelation that no one else understands: Hell Kaiser is not fundamentally different from Ryo. Fubuki realizes that even as Hell Kaiser, Ryo respected Fubuki. Why else would he save him from Darkness? Indeed, every interaction of Ryo’s major interpersonal relationships are fundamentally the same. It’s simply his worldview that shifted. As much as Ryo wishes to respect others, he doesn’t think he can in a world where everyone must take advantage of their life to the fullest extent.

And Ryo, who cannot change because he thinks he cannot change, stayed as he was until it was far too late to be saved.

[terrascookiejar-archive]

Purple Yam canonically has PTSD

Hey I’ve been thinking a lot lately and want to offer an alternative take on a character the fandom seems to LOVE to Hate. Purple Yam Cookie.

Purple Yam Cookie’s rage comes from the fact that he is deeply traumatized.

Now a lot of people tend to take things about Purple Yam at face value, for a few reasons. But we’re not going to get into the race debacle or bigoted opinions here. We’re here to talk about the thing everyone overlooks, His Character.

And yes if you take time to actually read and consider what is in the game about Yam, you’d understand that a character was there.

Starting at the place where we learn the most about cookies initially, his story

Now there’s two very, VERY important takeaways from this story I want to bring up to all of you.

Purple Yam was baked in extreme temperatures again and again until the heat finally got to his head. Ever since, Purple Yam Cookie has been in an angered state (to say the least!) that’s why we advise being extremely cautious around him.

and

The Cookie (Purple Yam) claims that no one has suffered in the “flames of hell” more than him, but little does he know that - in fact - other Cookies went through the Witch’s oven too...

We know that Yam likes to talk a lot about “The Fiery Hell” and how we “Have No Idea How Hot it was In there”

I think the one thing we need to think about is the fact that Yam didn’t just go through the Oven ONCE. He went through it an UNKNOWN amount of times until it BROKE him MENTALLY. 

Now trauma isn’t always someone becoming reclusive or someone becoming weak or depressed, etc. etc.  The fact of the matter is everyone experiences trauma differently, and anger? Anger is a VERY common side effect of trauma. In fact a very, very common symptom of PTSD IS Anger!!

Now there’s a great article on PTSD and not just how but why Anger is a common side effects, from the US Department of Veteran Affairs (Because, well, PTSD is a common thing coming back from war)

Anger is often a large part of a survivor's response to trauma. It is a core piece of the survival response in human beings. Anger helps us cope with life's stresses by giving us energy to keep going in the face of trouble or blocks.  (...) One way of thinking is that high levels of anger are related to a natural survival instinct. When faced with extreme threat, people often respond with anger. Anger can help a person survive by shifting his or her focus. The person focuses all of his or her attention, thought, and action toward survival. Anger is also a common response to events that seem unfair or in which you have been made a victim. Research shows that anger can be especially common if you have been betrayed by others. This may be most often seen in cases of trauma that involve exploitation or violence.

Now all these things we can attribute to Purple Yam in spades.

Purple Yam’s whole skill is based his anger, reaching a fever pitch and becoming “a tornado of rage.” It’s a trigger response, and when he reaches the end of his energy??? He gets blasts of rage that happen very rapidly, It’s a the end of his energy. This is his survival instinct.

And too, we need to identify the fact that Purple Yam seems to very much believe that  no one has it worse than him. He might not be aware that other cookies have gone through what he has, though I think the most likely attribution is that he thinks his experience was worse because he was forced to experience it over and over again.  You could say that others attributing the fact they went through the oven as well might make Yam believe they are challenging him by marginalizing what happened to him. In fact, everything is a challenge to him now.

Purple Yam is always looking for a fight. Always.

Fighting seems to be the one outlet for him to get all this rage out. This is the only way he can cope with his anger. The anger and rage that he was baked to his breaking point into having can only be satiated by fighting. 

One could argue that losing to Dark Choco was SUCH a blow to his pride, because fighting is the only that makes Yam feel GOOD about what happened. Losing was the ultimate threat to who he IS and what DEFINES him at this point that he NEEDS to get it back. He NEEDS to find Dark Choco and RECLAIM the ONE thing that makes Yam happy and proud. His raw power as a fighter.

and this doesn’t just extends to fighting, his anger overtakes EVERYTHING.

Going back to the article, it illustrates my next point well.

In people with PTSD, their response to extreme threat can become "stuck." This may lead to responding to all stress in survival mode. If you have PTSD, you may be more likely to react to any stress with "full activation." You may react as if your life or self were threatened

Now Purple Yam is not great with any other emotions, he literally responds to ANYTHING from a threat to a COMPLIMENT with ANGER and INSTIGATION. Yam is literally so unable to cope with anything that’s not anger, that the stress of it turns itself around and back to being anger again.

Everything he can’t deal with his activating that survival instinct and turning back to anger. Which only adds to the destructive nature he gives off. Every little thing becomes as bad as his life being in danger, even if it’s small. 

With this all established. There’s one more important thing I’d like to talk about. There’s more to Yam than his anger.

Yes Purple Yam has PTSD, Yes Purple Yam is very angry and anger is his one outlet to his trauma. However, like an actual Sweet Potato, there’s actually an inner sweetness to Yam beneath all the heat. 

We need to remember that someone with any kind of Trauma isn’t just someone WITH trauma. They are someone

Very much brought upon symbolically, like many cookies, through his magic candy item.

This sweet potato might look scary with its sharp spikes, but it tastes like heaven. But who could be brave enough to try this thing in the beginning?

Scary with spikes, but something much nicer on the inside? Hmmm.

Now to round this out, how do I know that there’s potential for Yam to be something more that isn’t just defined by the anger that he uses to cope? Why the first guild adventure of course!!!

The first time we see Yam, he’s busted down the walls of... some place and meets Milk Cookie who, in Milk Cookie fashion, greets him with open arms thinking he’s here to join his guild.

Throughout the adventure, we see something NOBODY likes to talk about. A CHANGE IN YAM’S CHARACTER.

In the beginning, things are very tense between Milk and Yam once Milk finds out Yam wants to challenge Dark Choco! Milk Cookie doesn’t just easily let Purple Yam get away with the idea that he’s going to hurt the cleric’s mentor! So Milk cautiously follows from a distance whilst being threatened by Yam to stop following him. 

That’s when they encounter a jellyworm and a fight ensues.

The next time we see these two, Yam is still questioning why Milk is following him. It can be assumed that not many cookies would stick around Yam up until his point. A lot of the tension that mired the beginning is gone, and Milk seems to be more trusting of Yam as a cookie. Perhaps after the encounter starting to realize that inner good that Yam has under the surface. While Yam has gone from threatening to mild annoyance at Milk’s refusal to leave him alone. Seemingly to only let Milk follow along because he won’t leave the Berserker alone.

After saving Purple Yam from a close call, Milk Cookie suggests that perhaps it would be better if the two work together. Purple Yam, though begrudgingly, agrees. Though when Milk Cookie frames it in the form of the challenge, Purple Yam is far more on board. Almost as if Milk Cookie has come to understand how Purple Yam’s mindset works and it can be attributed to a positive goal rather than a negative one.

Yam has gone from being hostile, being threatening, being mildly annoyed, to accepting help in the form of Milk Cookie to ultimately reach his goal. The two might have different goals in mind, but thanks to Milk Cookie’s patience and perseverance he’s managed to even get a cookie as stubborn as Purple Yam to work with him to make it to the end.

Now I’m not gonna say the obvious. However I will leave you with this thought. Someone is suffering heavily from trauma that results in episodes of anger, and someone comes into their life who doesn’t entirely get what’s going on, but wants to help. It might be met with animosity... yet with patience, perseverance, and understanding can come to help that person to cope. Thus allowing the one with PTSD room to open up and perhaps find outlets outside of anger. Gaining someone who, though might not always agree and have all the answers, can be one they can trust to help them.

Maybe there was always more to the first guild adventure than meets the eye.

[destinychose]

POST REAWAKENING.

Following his reawakening, when not spending time with Aqua and Terra or catching up with his other friends ( namely Lea and Isa ), Ven visits Destiny Islands a lot along with his Chirithy. Due to the years that he spent within his heart, Ven finds himself subconsciously drawn to Sora’s homeworld and finds a great deal of comfort in wasting away the hours sitting on the beach, listening to the waves and feeling the sun on his face. No matter how mundane, these are all things he never thought he’d get the chance to experience again, but it also helps him feel closer to Sora — Destiny Islands would often feature in his dreams while he slept within Sora’s heart, and so it almost feels like a second home to him.

It takes Ven up to a year ( if not longer ) to build his strength back up to what it used to be before he sacrificed himself in his battle against Vanitas and lost his heart. He regularly visits Merlin for training and physiotherapy, but the road to recovery is a long and frustrating one — he scarcely has the energy for tasks which require minimum effort and struggles to lift things/move as quickly as he used to. He finds the entire process extremely difficult and emotionally taxing, and as such, his moods tend to fluctuate. For the most part, he puts on a brave face and attempts to act like normal, but his apparent lack of progress greatly impacts his morale on bad days. He finds it hard to ask for help and often reacts negatively when anyone attempts to step in while he’s struggling — he’s desperate to reclaim his independence and has a strong aversion to being coddled while he’s recovering.

Ven suffers from undiagnosed Acute Stress Disorder which later develops into PTSD following the events of BBS and KH3. His memories of his severe mistreatment/abuse at the hands of Xehanort return to him fully after his reawakening, and he suffers from panic attacks/severe insomnia ( further exacerbated by his fear of sleep ) for several months to a year. ( FURTHER DETAIL BELOW )

In the months after he wakens, Ven finds it extremely difficult to get a decent night sleep. The thought of falling asleep and never waking up is something that frequently occupies his mind and leaves him terrified. Whenever night draws in, he becomes restless and withdrawn, distracted to the point that he doesn’t notice the presence of another person until they’re close enough to touch him. Where he might have once found comfort in stargazing, he comes to fear the setting of the sun and forces himself to stay awake until his body has no choice but to shut down. It’s not until those around him notice his issues and intervene that these fears begin to settle, but it takes him many months before he’s able to beat his fear of sleep ( which develops into insomnia as a result of stress with his rehabilitation/lack of sleep/undiagnosed PTSD ).

SOMNIPHOBIA & INSOMNIA.

As briefly touched upon above, in the months following the restoration of his heart, Ven’s once consistent, plentiful sleeping schedule becomes virtually non-existent. While it was very much his choice to destroy the χ-blade in his fight against Vanitas ( willing to sacrifice his own existence and fall into slumber ), Ven still found the ordeal traumatising, the effects of which make themselves known after he awakens. He experiences bouts of intense paranoia when his mind and body begin to lag under the strain of exhaustion, consumed with the fear that if he allows himself to rest, he’ll fall into a deep slumber and never waken. This is further exacerbated by a subconscious fear of the dark, which he used to experience when he was very young and ultimately makes a resurgence after his awakening. These combined fears—while subconscious to begin with—cause Ven to force himself to stay awake for long periods of time, usually until his body eventually gives out due to sheer exhaustion and he’s rendered unconscious for a few hours. Any time he does spend unconscious is very rarely restful; he frequently experiences nightmares and suffers from mild sleep paralysis. He finds some comfort in his old habit of stargazing, as it makes the dark of night seem a little less terrifying, but he still feels extremely unsettled when the sun begins to set and night draws in. His fear of falling asleep and the subsequent manner in which he deals with it leads to Ven eventually developing chronic insomnia, which persists for several months and is further aggravated courtesy of his undiagnosed PTSD.

PTSD.

Utilising DSM-5’s criteria for PTSD, Ventus displays the symptoms of PTSD ( currently undiagnosed ) as described below:

CRITERION A: stressor — exposed to death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury in the following way(s):

Direct exposure:   Ven faces serious injury when Xehanort attempts to force him to forge the χ-blade and he is subsequently overwhelmed by the Heartless surrounding him   ⋆ he sustains further serious injury when Xehanort splits his heart in two, creating Vanitas and rendering Ventus comatose due to shock   ⋆   he experiences a constant threat of serious injury and even death when facing the Unversed   ⋆   serious injury is threatened and inflicted upon him at Xehanort’s hands once more when they clash in the Keyblade Graveyard; his body is completely frozen and he is thrown from the edge of a cliff   ⋆    he willingly exposes himself to the threat of death in an attempt to protect his friends during his final clash with Vanitas, as by destroying the χ-blade the two of them forged, he destroys his own heart in the process   ⋆    his most recent brush with death occurs after his awakening upon returning to the Keyblade Graveyard and facing Terranort — he dies after being struck ( as shown in the gif, there’s no movement to suggest breathing ), although thanks to Sora, he is later revived ( he retains his memories of his death even after his return )   ⋆   when facing off against Terranort once more in an attempt to free his friend from Xehanort’s control, he experiences the threat of death at his hands.

Witnessing the trauma:   At a very young age, Ventus witnesses a Keyblade War that results in the loss of many lives ( while he loses his memories of his past initially, they return to him after Sora helps restore his heart )   ⋆   he later witnesses Vanitas threatening Aqua’s life in two instances and is very nearly too late to save her on both accounts   ⋆   due to his heart residing within Sora from a very young age, he witnesses, albeit infrequently, Sora under threat on multiple occasions.

Learning that a relative/close friend was exposed to one of the traumas:  Aqua informs Ven of Master Eraqus’ death shortly after he awakens; he takes to the news badly but has no proper time to grieve before the final battle is upon them   ⋆   he later learns that his sacrifice against Vanitas did nothing to save Terra or Aqua from their fates, and it is something that affects him to this day.

CRITERION B: intrusion symptoms — the traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in the following way(s):

Unwanted upsetting memories / Nightmares / Flashbacks / Emotional distress after exposure to traumatic reminders:   He, unfortunately, remembers his death ( no matter how brief ) at the hands of Xehanort possessing Terra’s body in vivid, excruciating detail; the gut-wrenching pain wracking his body, the resounding crack of his ribs, being unable to draw breath as the strength of the swing sends him flying, seeing the cold, cruel satisfaction displayed across the features of a man who is supposed to be his friend moments before it all goes dark. It’s something he can’t shake, even long after the final battle is concluded. He experiences frequent nightmares of that fateful moment ( it’s something he has yet to open up about to any of his friends, especially Terra ) and suffers an intense flashback and subsequent panic attack when first attempting to spar with Terra following his awakening   ⋆   after his heart is returned to him, Ven frequently experiences flashbacks and nightmares regarding the time he spent under Xehanort’s tutelage, particularly the events surrounding Vanitas’ creation. He often feels a phantom pain originating from the centre of his chest as a result of these intrusive memories, a cruel and chronic reminder of the forced splitting of his heart.

CRITERION C: avoidance — avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Trauma-related thoughts or feelings:   For a long time, Ven refuses to talk about what he suffered at the hands of Xehanort for all those years, and actively attempts to avoid thinking about it for too long. Even after being forced to face the trauma he suffered through nightmares and intense flashbacks, Ven is quick to push it all down, fearing that he’ll be seen as “weak” or “broken” for being unable to move past the abuse.

CRITERION D: negative alterations in cognition and mood — negative thoughts or feelings that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world / Exaggerated blame of self or others for causing the trauma:   With his memories restored after his awakening, Ven often thinks about the role he played in the Keyblade War all those years ago and the lives lost to a senseless war. While he was too young to completely comprehend it at the time, now that he’s older, the brunt of what he was asked to do weighs on him heavily and he feels great guilt for agreeing to become a Dandelion, thus sacrificing many in the hopes of saving a few. He blames himself, despite having little power to change the inevitable, and even catches himself thinking he should have refused to become a Dandelion if it meant dying alongside those whose lives were cruelly cut short   ⋆   upon discovering that his sacrifice in his battle against Vanitas did nothing to save Terra and Aqua, that Master Eraqus was struck down, Ven nearly loses himself to self-blame and self-hatred. He secretly wishes he’d never survived his forced separation with Vanitas, as his presence brought nothing but pain, misery, and death for the three people he came to love as his family   ⋆   perhaps worst of all, Ventus blames himself for the abuse he suffered at Xehanort’s hands. He blames himself for being weak, blames himself for doing nothing to stop the pain inflicted upon him, blames himself for not being good enough. Ultimately, he blames himself for existing ( Master Eraqus’ words haunt him in his nightmares, even to this day ) and truly believes the worlds would be better off without him in it. These are thoughts/feelings he’ll never reveal to another, as he fears that his self-blame will be validated by someone he cares for and greatly respects.

Decreased interest in activities:   Ven finds he has a decreased interest in stargazing, his most beloved hobby, partially due to his resurfaced fear of the dark and the threat of sleep. In the months following the final battle, as he begins to recuperate, Ven finds it difficult to enjoy his usual pastimes ( even his fondness for reading far-fetched fairytales ) and takes to either shutting himself in his room or throwing himself headfirst into training.

CRITERION E: alterations in arousal and reactivity — trauma-related arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Irritability or aggression:   As Ven undergoes rehabilitation and physiotherapy in an attempt to regain the strength he lost courtesy of the years his body spent immobile, he experiences intense moments or irritability and irrational anger over his apparent lack of progress. While a lot of this anger is directed at himself, there are moments where he lashes out at those around him when they attempt to offer him any assistance he didn’t ask for. This irritability also tends to manifest following a fitful nights rest or a flashback to past traumatic events, although it tends to die down fast and shift back into self-blame/self-hatred.

Risky or destructive behaviour:   Despite knowing his body cannot handle the strain Ven throws himself into training with a vengeance, fuelled by frustration directed at himself and the belief that he is weak/a burden on those around him. He insists upon sparring with Terra before he is ready, ignoring the signs of his body and mind, resulting in a breakdown and panic attack, which acts as the first real sign to outsiders/close friends of his state of mind.

Heightened startle reaction:   Ven develops a tendency to get lost in thought, shutting himself inside his own head to the point that he scarcely notices anyone approaching him until it is too late. He startles a lot easier following the final battle, jumping at noises even a little too loud, flinching at raised voices and/or slammed doors.

Difficulty concentrating:   Ven has always possessed a short attention span, but following the final battle against Xehanort as the emotional and physical trauma he suffered throughout many stages of his life begins to sink in, it only gets worse. He finds himself trailing off mid-sentence and getting lost in thought, abandoning a task halfway through, being unable to sit still and focus on even the most trivial of chores. He’s heavily distracted at the best of times, often appearing distant or melancholic when seemingly alone.

Difficulty sleeping:   As explored above, Ven develops insomnia as a result of his somniphonbia, which is further influenced and exacerbated by his development of PTSD.

CRITERION F: duration — symptoms last for more than one month.

Ven experiences these symptoms for over six months. While he eventually seeks help ( or, rather, is coerced into seeking it ) and discovers coping methods that suit him, these symptoms continue to persist, albeit intermittently and to a lesser extent, for the following two years.

CRITERION G: functional significance — symptoms create distress or functional impairment (e.g., social, occupational).

These symptoms put great strain on his friendships and daily life ( e.g. he purposefully isolates himself, rejects help, responds to repeated attempts of help with extreme irritation, he’s unable to spar with others due to unwanted flashbacks ) until those close to him finally intervene.

CRITERION H: exclusion — symptoms are not due to medication, substance use, or other illness.

Ven has no access to medication, never once engages in substance use and has no other illnesses that could cause such symptoms.

[msbluebell]

Me and my brother were talking about what-ifs in the story and he brought up how it's a given that Dimitri would've likely continued down that dark path beyond the Gronder Field battle if not for Rodrigue's sacrifice. We know Byleth knows that Dimitri considers him a second father, so suppose she did react in time during the post-Gronder fight, how would things pan out if she took that blow instead to spare Dimitri further sorrow? I can only imagine the Dimileth angst coming from that

The thing we need to think about when diving into the topic of Dimitri’s redemption and how Rodrigue’s sacrifice set it off is the psychology behind it. 

Keep in mind that this is all my personal interpretation of the game’s events and what would happen with these changes, so if you disagree with me that’s 100% valid.

Now, Dimitri is broken. I know, shocking, but I really mean this. Dimitri is one of the most broken characters I’ve seen in a long time and I completely understand how and why he got there. Dimitri is a mentally ill man that went through a series of very traumatic events, never got the help he needed, kept the trauma bottled up until it nearly broke him, and then went through ANOTHER series of very traumatic events all while suffering a mental breakdown, and then was subsequently isolated in the woods with nothing but hallucinations that constantly reinforced toxic ideas in his head until they were all he believed.

He is a broken, confused, psychological MESS of a human being. He has had the same self-hate and guilt whirling around in his soul for five straight years now. He’s constantly had the fact that he is unworthy of life, that he needs to avenge the dead, and that he is only allowed to live so that he can make sure the dead find rest reinforced to the point where nothing else seems to even matter to him.

As far as he’s concerned the only two fates he’s worthy of are death and vengeance. If he attains either than he’ll have attained his purpose. Anything else, love, friendship, comfort, warmth, the little things that make us alive? He is utterly unworthy of those things as far as he’s concerned. He can’t even begin to conceive that people still care about him he’s brainwashed himself with this idea so much. And, also, I think he may also deeply resent everyone around him for 1) trying to take care of himself 2) not being there when he needed them when he was in the woods being hunted for five years. Heck, the one person he seemed most like his old self with before his atonement was Dedue, who went out of his way to save Dimitri and was ONLY not with him the last five years because he was just that gravely injured and literally unable to be by his side. I don’t know what everyone else was doing for those five years (other than looking for Dimitri, which he can’t reasonably assume, and doing what they can to aid people during the war), but Byleth’s reason for why they weren’t there DOES seem a little iffy and weird, so I don’t even blame him for being prissy, especially if he at all mourned them, which he clearly did.

Point is, he’s a hot mess of such bad mental health issues that you could honestly write a whole psychology paper on it and turn it in for a grade.

Now, onto why this is important to consider for that whole scene.

The attempted assassination is important for two very different reasons that both are very important to why Dimitri is tries to leave to do a suicide run against Enbarr and ultimately meets Byleth for his redemption. One is obviously Rodrigue, but there’s another that people often overlook.

Fleche.

Fleche is very important to the ‘why’ in Dimitri’s redemption.

Fleche is a sad look at who Dimitri is and how he could have ended up. Fleche is someone who lost her brother, the person she loved most, misidentified his killer (Byleth, although that was the best case for him at the time honestly and Dimitri is the main cause for his death) though said misidentified person was a huge factor in the death, and set out for revenge. Revenge was her driving goal from, to the point of insanity, and whether she realized it or not she became just like Dimitri in her goal.

She may not realize this, but Dimitri actually heavily empathized with her goal. He willingly let her into the army when he heard that she wanted to avenge her brother, and didn’t even sound AS dismissive about it as he could’ve. He got it, and he was willing to let her ride along his army for revenge.

He’s not even mad at her for stabbing him.

See that look on his face? That’s not the look of someone who is angry. He gets it. He gets why she’s doing this. He doesn’t even really blame her. He knows this is what she needs to do, and he knows he deserves it. As for as he’s concerned, he’s deserved to die for a long time, and he’s just going to die for someone else’s revenge rather than his own.

Through Fleche Dimitri sees a reflection of his own madness. He see’s what he is, and he sees what he’s caused. This is the face of his worth. Fleche is a living personification of everything he’s done wrong and everything he’s failed at. He caused her to become this, and he’s going to die to help her fulfill her purpose. This was what HE was meant for. To die for the sake of vengeance.

Then Rodrigue cuts in and basically says, “Ah, no, actually. Because I’m not going to let that happen.”

Rodrigue’s sacrifice served to show Dimitri that, yes, your life is WORTH something to other people, and that you aren’t meant to die for anyone’s revenge. Rodrigue willingly choosing to save Dimitri’s life is a direct contrast to the ideals that Dimitri has brainwashed himself with: that he’s deserves to die.

Rodrigue no-sells the revenge death and shows Dimitri that not only are there people who WANT him to live, so much that they’re willing to stake their own life on it selflessly, but that they want him to live for something OTHER than the revenge he’s been seeking. They’re not trying to hinder him for their own goals, they’re trying to take care of him for HIS sake.

Rodrigue’s act is one of pure, selfless, fatherly love. It’s a love that Dimitri has denied himself for five years, and didn’t realize was being directed his way before now. It’s a drastic show of affection that cuts through years of brainwashing. In theory, the same result could have been achieved if Rodrigue was injured in the process, or even not at all as long as he simply stood in the way of the death and Dimitri, but…well…him dying for the cause is more emotionally impacting from a story telling perspective.

I also love the symbolism of Byleth being the one to cut Fleche down for good because they’re the one that finally fully turns Dimitri towards redemption and instill the idea that he deserves to live for himself, thus “killing” the idea he needs to die for vengeance. 

So, would the results change at all if Byleth were the one that stepped in the way of Fleche’s revenge? 

No, I personally don’t think so.

Dimitri is in love with both Byleth and Rodrigue. It’s just two different kids of love. He very openly admitted to loving Rodrigue like a second father pre-timeskip (Dimitri has a few dads, doesn’t he?). Byelth can either be romantic (which I interpret as canon based on his interactions with them in cut-scenes) or platonic love of a close friend. He simply denied himself those affections during his time as Feral!Dimitri (Actually, the more I talk about it, the more Punished!Dimitri sounds more accurate, because he’s really just punishing himself).

So, events would play out the same with a wounded Byleth, only this time he would maybe have his classmates be slower to forgive him based on how much one can interpret them loving Byleth over Rodrigue. Which, let’s be honest, most of them know Byleth better, so it will probably take them a little longer.

Still, Byleth made a sacrifice for him, and believed in him, so they would forgive him eventually.

Dimitri forgiving himself is another story. He never DOES forgive himself for Rodrigue’s sacrifice, and he won’t forgive himself for Byleth’s sacrifice.

On the other hand, we can also speculate that without Byleth there to stop Dimitri’s suicide run to Enbarr and act as the light that pulls him out of the darkness, he DOES end up going through with the plan and joins her in death in his fit of grief fueled madness.

[decorativedust]

HNK chapter 80 thoughts + analysis

I’ve been marinating on this chapter for a few days, and I have some things in mind for it that I’d like to talk about. 

This is just my take on things, and how I’ve interpreted them: mostly phos, aechmea, cairngorm, a tad bit of dia, and my thoughts on the fate of the series. 

Warning for: talk of suicide, spoilers. 

so I have a few very specific things I want to cover: Phos, Aechmea, Cairngorm, Dia, and the fate of the series. 

We’ll start with Phos. 

Personally, one of the biggest draws and attachments for hnk was phos’s transition from a sweet, naive gem to a depressed, anxious, horrifically warped individual. There’s not a lot of series out there where you can actually see a character become changed so drastically in such an intricate manner. I find character development, as a whole, to be extremely interesting. 

Phos’s transition has been building up for the entire series. They kept growing stronger, learned more- but continued to fail over and over again. They tried to make an encyclopedia, and failed. They tried to find a job for shinsa, and failed. They tried to help bring Ventricosus home and got betrayed and lost their legs. They tried to save antarc, and failed. Ghost was abducted trying to save them. They lost nearly all of their body. They couldn’t bring back the ground up gems. Their night raid was a failure and might’ve killed padpa. 

They’ve had a few triumphs- becoming stronger (although I’m ultimately not sure how much good this led to), giving the gems on the moon potentially happier lives (?), and help uncover more of the truth of their world. The gem abductions have seemed to stop entirely. And cinnabar seems to have finally reintegrated back into gem society through their efforts. 

Ultimately though, phos’s life has become full of constant efforts sustained on hope and bravery that almost always end in failure. At the end of the day, how could you not snap? How could you not become a self-doubting, depressed mess? In a world where everyone has given up on you in your efforts to stop the cycle of suffering, how could you not become the despair-filled person that Phos now is? 

I hope they get a satisfying ending. Phos has been fucked over from the beginning. They’re far from perfect, but I believe the things that ultimately drive them are kindness and a desire to end this cycle of pain for everyone- and I think that’s important to keep in mind. 

Now let’s go to Aechmea. 

This man really is an absolute lying bastard, huh? 

There’s no doubt about it- Aechmea straight up lied to EVERYONE about the fate of the other two societies (admirabilis and gems). Honestly, I’m not even sure the lunarians knew about it. I don’t think they did- he genuinely ran lunarian society on the operation that the gems and admirabilis would be around after they disappeared. 

Aechmea gives no indication that the fact that adamant will pray away all remnants of humanity is new information. It serves in Aechmea’s favor that he doesn’t tell anyone, either. While there’s certainly a few gems who likely don’t mind this fate (yellow), i imagine the bulk of admirabilis and gems wouldn’t desire such a fate. And how would the lunarians feel, if they found out the gems and the admirabilis would go with them, especially now that gems and admirabilis have all been on the moon for at least several hundred years at this point? 

Aechmea didn’t care if they took all the gem dust on the moon and tried to reform the gems. Aechmea didn’t harm any of the gems on the moon. He stopped abducting gems. He listened to their demands. Because ultimately, it didn’t matter! None of it mattered, because they’d all die alongside the lunarians anyways! 

I suppose I can find sympathy in their reasons for wanting to cross over to the nothingness. But at the cost of two entire other species? At the cost of killing so many other living things who likely don’t want to die- who don’t even know the fate they’re getting? Is there really nothing else that can be done? You got any lunarian therapy up there? 

Its a hard thing to discuss. Obviously I’ll never know the feeling of being given the ability to live for eternity. Could they have not chosen to build some sort of positive relationship with the admirabilis and the gems, rather than terrorize and use both of them for their own purposes? 

It feels so selfish. I suppose that’s not surprising, given how selfishness is just part of being human- or the personality and essence of humanity, at least. While selflessness is good, we all need a little selfishness sometimes. We need to take time to ourselves and do things for our own goods, rather than contribute ourselves 100% to others and completely burn ourselves out. It seems lunarians (or at least Aechmea) have selfishness in spades, to the point of being utterly apathetic to the fate of gems and admirabilis. 

Now onto Cairngorm. 

They look terrified and horrified the entire chapter. 

Cairngorm is certainly no stranger to the concept of death. They had suicidal thoughts during phos’s first 200 year coma (right after they’d lost their head), they brushed by death when their outer shell (Ghost) was ripped away from their body. They’ve outwardly expressed before how they want to go with Aechmea into the nothingness, and yet- here they are. Not excited, not happy, not anything near positive. 

There’s a giant difference between saying “i will die with you/i want to die” and actually, genuinely embracing death. Its so easy to say something, but so much harder to actually do it, and I think this is when cairngorm is actually, fully realizing this. 

I don’t know whether or not they’re suicidal anymore, but I imagine not. This is probably the happiest they have been in their entire life. Imagine finally overcoming the desire to die, to find a place that makes you so happy - and then to realize that you’re about to lose it all and become nothing. 

If there was ever a time for cairngorm to go against aechmea, its now. If we ever have a moment where cairngorm realizes aechmea lied to them, where cairngorm is finally going to become their own person without being under the rule and command of anyone else, it is now. 

Personally, I’m hoping they’ll somehow attempt to interfere and try and stop Phos, but I’ll cover this more when I talk about the fate of the series. 

Now onto Dia! This is probably the most lighthearted part of the whole chapter. 

They’ve finally shined under their own light. 

This is going back waaaaaaay far into the manga (like chapter 3), but we’re finally seeing some sort of resolution to Dia’s desire to become good at their own thing, without always being second best to Bort. 

I feel like Dia and Phos, at this point, had very similar feelings. Both felt insignificant and useless as a result of not being as good as a fighter as their societal expectations hold them to- leading to feelings of self doubt, and the desire to become better. 

A lot of people have called Dia selfish, for wanting to go somewhere where there is no Bort. Perhaps, a little bit. However, I don’t think Bort was purposefully trying to ‘show off’ and show how much better than Dia they are. They seemed to just be doing it out of the desire to protect Dia. But ultimately, Dia still felt very second-best to them, despite the fact that Dia should’ve been one of the best themselves. Yet their partnership was suffocating for Dia, constantly under the shadow of Bort. It just simply wasn’t healthy. 

But now Dia has found a thing where they’re able to shine under their own light- an idol!!! They seem really happy doing it. They have a whole crowd of adoring fans, too. (blows a kiss to the moon) this is for u dia u fuckin get em 

Finally, onto the last point: The fate of houseki no kuni. 

This really feels like we’re so close to the end, doesn’t it? But how close to that end are we?  As most of us are aware, chapter 80 is just the first chapter in volume 10. So, I find it very hard to believe that Phos is going to be successful in this particular attempt to get sensei to pray. A maximum of 21 minutes is certainly not enough time to tie up all the loose plotlines. What happened to Yellow? To Padpa? How are the earth gems? What about all the stuff that was happening between Cinnabar and Phos? What about the professor? etc etc im probably missing a few things, but you get my point. 

Personally, I think there’s either going to be a gem that wanders out and sees phos going apeshit, and manages to stop them. Or, we’re going to get interference from Cairngorm. Right now Cairngorm seems the most likely candidate, despite the fact that they aren’t physically there. (Boy, if they do that though, I’m afraid to see how aechmea will react.) But I don’t really find it hard to believe that one of the earth gems will wander out, unable or unwilling to sleep. 

Phos, obviously, won’t stop. They haven’t stopped trying for hundreds of years, why would they stop now, unless somehow they also bypassed whatever was preventing sensei from telling them “hey, you’re gonna kill everyone so maybe chill out”. I find it unlikely Sensei would do anything, however. He’s seemed extremely passive towards the gems lately (the most violent he’s ever been towards them was when he yelled at original goshe and morganite and accidentally shattered phos in like.. chapter 1) and aechmea said it himself- he doesn’t seem to be resisting. 

Ending it here feels so.. messy. I like to have a little bit more faith in Ichikawa as a writer. I’ve decided to trust her because she’s written a lot of other things extremely well. Maybe I’ll be putting on my clown wig in a few chapters, but we’ll see. 

[tomboyjessie13-artblog]

Requested by @purplemermaidprincess7

Name: Lady Amethyst Sapphira Japanese: アメジスト サッピラ Romaji: Amejisuto Sappira

Social Status: Upper Class; Lady Ethnicity: British

Family: Earl Seolfor (Father; Deceased) Lady Rubina (Mother; Deceased) Earl Aureole (Brother; ?)

Family Occupation(s)/Profession(s): Sapphira Family Jewelers (fictional); The Largest Jewelry Producers in the World Sapphira Opera Hall (fictional); Famous Opera House and Theater

Family Nickname: The Queen's Lyrebird; able to gather information and perform acts that police cannot, then provide given information to the queen.

Age: 16

Preferred Hand: Left

Character Songs: Monster; Look What You Made Me Do; Carry Me (her singing performance); Disturbing Nursery Rhymes: [1], [2], [3], [4] (she likes to sing these to herself and comment on their morbid nature)

Appearance: Her amethyst-purple hair reaches her midsection, with her bangs cut short above her eye brows. She has very pale skin and almond round sapphire-blue eyes. Her demon contract pentagram is engraved just above her breast, right on top of her heart, so it is hidden by her clothing.

History: Amethyst was born exactly July 7th, 1887, at 7:07 am. Due to all of these circumstances, Amethyst was nicknamed the "Perfect Child". Her parents threw a huge celebration, though this left Aureole, her older brother, within her shadow.

Growing up, Amethyst was a child prodigy; on many occasions she proved to be smarter than her own parents in: cognitive processing, problem solving, and mental adaption. She spent most of her free time in the family library. But during her childhood, she made very few friends because she complained about how slow they were compared to her intellect. She hated going to balls and social gatherings. But her parents were still happy with her and cherished her.

She was physically abused by Aureole, mostly when he was angry or when she did something better than him.

But on her 10th birthday, she was at a dinner party with her parents. Her brother told her to give two glasses of wine to their parents, and reluctantly agreed to avoid his wrath. After her parents fainted and were later declared dead, Aureole blamed Amethyst for poisoning their parents. His lackeys backed him up, by claiming that they witnessed the girl putting something in the drinks that she gave them. Unable to convince anyone of her innocence, she was committed to the Bedlam Mental Institution for "schizophrenic behaviors and homicidal tendencies". And we all know what went on in those hell-houses before logic was invented.

For 3 years, Amethyst was beaten, physically chained to her bed, starved for days on end, and was raped repeatedly by the mentally ill patients and sadistic bastards that ran the hellhole.

Amethyst "escaped" the asylum by pretending to be "cured". She treated every faculty member, no matter how idiotic and/or cruel, with kindness. Eventually, the doctors declared that she was ready to be a perfect citizen and was allowed to return home. But Amethyst was only pretending to be the obedient and quiet woman that society expected of her, while plotting for revenge on her brother and the others that turned against her.

During her absence, Aureole was named successor to the family heritage and was foolishly using the family power and fortune to his own means. He didn't consider his sister to be a threat anymore, believing her to be broken, and continued to abuse her any time he wanted to. He also continued to waste money on alcohol and prostitutes.

In secret, Amethyst was doing research on demonology and was plotting to summon a demon to do her bidding. In the basement of her mansion, she summoned "Esmeralda" (along with Lapis and Lazuli, the twins demon servants) and made a pact to help Amethyst gain revenge on those who betrayed her. Aureole had somehow learned of his sister's contract with a demoness and fled the manor. During that night, every servant who was loyal to her brother was slaughtered; save for two: Gretel, who was Amethyst's nursemaid and proved her loyalty by providing the heiress with the intel of how to summon Esmeralda, and Garnet, the head butler who guarded the basement door during the ritual.

With Aureole's disappearance, Amethyst was named the Lady of the Manor and heir to the Sapphira Estate and fortune. Amethyst rebuilt her family's fortune, with the help of Esmeralda, and successfully runs the underworld's intel-center (gaining and providing information that the police cannot). She also began to learn forbidden magic from Esmeralda, learning spells to help her in her conquest.

Personality: Amethyst is a ruthless young woman, eventually consumed by her wrath and desire for vengeance against her brother and everyone else who betrayed her. Her quest for vengeance also made her extremely ambitious; likewise, the heiress's ruthlessness was tempered by her guile and she was willing to tolerate talented and, more importantly, useful individuals, even if she hated them. She also honored her deals with others when they were to her advantage.

She usually maintains her calm and low-key demeanor, often making her difficult to read for others. And because of the mental torture and abuse when in Bedlam, she appeared outwardly emotionless and seeming somewhat shy. She commonly had awkward pauses or imperfections in her speech as well, especially when speaking with strangers (however, this is just for show when around law enforcement). She also lacked any social awareness or courtesy in most social situations, sometimes oblivious to sarcasm.

She tends to have random breakdowns, a result of the abuse and trauma she suffered in Bedlam. These could be quite helpful at times, but she hates having them, especially when in social gatherings and public areas.

She always governed her thoughts and her family business with her intellect; and she never liked fairy-tales as a child, believing them to be "lies from a silver spoon". However, she was not stubborn about her preconceptions, readily accepting the existence of demons and magic after meeting "Esmeralda" and learning forbidden magic from her.

When she was younger, she believed she was her father's favorite child, and usually ignored proper conduct and social etiquette with family, though still taking a formal manner in meetings with strangers. She also has an interest in the unique and exotic, and even the supernatural, researching it endlessly as a child, despite her parents' protests and concerns. But because of her disdain for socializing, she hated sharing and didn't tolerate anyone tampering with her things, not even the maids, as she was very territorial about her room.

Whenever Amethyst heard her parents tell her "I love you", she always believed that it was faked. She noticed that so many people said this, and that they must say it because they are taught to say it. And if one were to say it for no reason whatsoever, it would mean it was null. She also saw how only the "beautiful people" would say it to each other.

When the opposite sex attempts to flirt with her, Amethyst finds it quite irritating that they believe that she would fall for idiots. And her interest in intercourse is limited only to wanting children of her own, but she would rather be married to a loyal man first. Though she had since lost her virginity at Bedlam, she had now been having intercourse in secret with her servant, Jasper, to keep him in-line. Though her levels of seduction are there if she needs them.

As proven by her history, Amethyst values loyalty above all else, and wouldn't hesitate to have any perceived traitors extinguished. Defiance was looked upon as a nuisance and, once considered useless to her, would have any suspected rebels purged from her "kingdom". She also took joy in "punishing" her offenders.

Amethyst also has a desire for power and dominance, as she often states that she wants to be feared. She enjoys demonstrating the power she has by imposing others under herself. However, she does seem to exhibit fear and hesitance when she knows she's outmatched, fleeing if her opponent proves to be as such.

She is observant by nature and keeps herself updated on current affairs and events. Due to her self-serving nature, Amethyst is not above spiting others she dislikes and enjoys getting back at her enemies when able; such as when she adopted a cat for her "mental wellbeing", only it was to spite Ciel for his cat allergies.

Likewise, she would never back down from a challenge, no matter the danger, if the cause was a worthy one, and refused to be swayed by the pessimistic opinions of adults or her peers.

When Amethyst uses the twins, after learning of their assassination skills, she intends for them to be just instruments in her plans for revenge. But she ultimately becomes attached to them. She begins to act like a mother to them, deciding that she feels a certain "affection" towards them, though unable to describe it.

As her personal servants, she trusts in them to manage her territory and protect the estate when she is off on her travels with Esmeralda.

Skills and Abilities: Having a keen intuition, Amethyst has a talent of telling individuals what they are hoping to hear and giving them appropriate advice. Additionally, her experience with "traitors" gives her a stronger intuition concerning the intentions and actions of others. Aside from being well educated and attractive as befitting her noble status, her creative nature showed a degree of craftiness at a young age, able to sneak out at night, alone and undetected, in order to descend to the manor's basement to perform the summoning ritual.

Because of her birthright, Amethyst also has many resources at her disposal, including her loyal servants, whom also act as her bodyguards. The heiress is also well-versed in politics and excels in the field of her position as a Lady. Because of this power and influence as the Queen's Lyrebird, she could warrant anyone's arrest under the pretense of investigating a crime and confiscate evidence as she saw fit. This power even extends to forging evidence.

Thanks to the forbidden knowledge and teachings from Esmeralda, within a month, Amethyst is able to predict the weather and propagate flowers and became skilled with a variety of plant and water spells. Esmeralda states that though most mortals cannot use even the most basic of magic spells, she is surprised that Lady Amethyst is able to do so.

Her intellect also stretches farther than the normal standard than her gender was expected to have during the Victorian era, though this gave her an advantage in seduction and interrogation.

Amethyst is also trained in swordsmanship and fencing. With her advanced intellect and tutelage, she can take advantage of an enemy's habits in combat to turn against them, as well as able to dodge and defend against even the quickest attacks.

As a member of a family that associates with theater and opera, Amethyst is a talented prodigy in singing, with a voice beautiful enough to soothe an irate crowd. Despite her youth, she is particularly skilled in opera and is able to project her voice over a wide audience. Her skills in acting allow her to utilize them outside the theater, as she appears calm, fragile, and weak-willed in public; she is, in truth, conniving and manipulative and knows how to act around specific people. Having been raised with an upper-class lifestyle, she has been taught to conduct herself with a certain elegance, even when exhausted.

[techmomma]

Being Prepared

In uncertain times, now, perhaps more than ever, is an important time to discuss a difficult subject: 

Advance Directives, aka “What if I or a loved one are in the hospital and cannot make decisions for myself or them?” 

Talking about such matters, especially our philosophies, beliefs, and what we want to happen in the event we cannot make decisions for ourselves, is a topic that more often comes up in the midst of emergency. For most, it’s a surprise. And for most, they heap on themselves a stressful situation that can absolutely be avoided with some heart-to-heart discussions beforehand. Below, I will outline some important topics you can discuss with someone you trust, so that they know what to do, in case the unexpected happens.

CW: death, death mention

From personal experience, being willing to discuss such things was one of the few things that saved us during the sudden, unexpected emergency of my late fiance falling into a coma due to diabetic complications. We had a limited time window; hesitating too late, and the doctors would have been legally prohibited from removing his life support no matter what we chose. Luckily, he and I, both believers in the death positive movement, understood the importance of this kind of discussion, and had talked about figures such as Terry Pratchett and dignity of dying. Knowing that my fiance would not want to end up like him helped steer us in the right direction, regarding what quality of life would have been acceptable, and what would not.

Which brings us to the subject: just what do you talk about? How do you phrase it? Who do you discuss this with?

For most of us, the person we discuss this with will be a trusted family member. Perhaps a spouse, or domestic partner, perhaps your significant other. For others, this may be a trusted friend. Regardless, this needs to be someone you trust will honor your wishes, rather than instating their own. Or, if they did, someone you trust to make the right decisions. This is the person you can designate as your Health Care Agent. In addition, as a safety measure, you can designate others as Alternate Health Care Agents in the event your Primary is unable to for whatever reason, and have this discussion with them. Having two or three individuals who know your wishes and can be contacted is a pretty safe bet. This is especially important for those in long distance relationships or persons who live away from home; have your trusted person, but also have someone who is physically close to you who can travel to the hospital. Have people who can contact others on your behalf, or can be contacted if you cannot.

What you want to happen, in the event you cannot make decisions, is called an Advance Directive. For the state of Washington, you can fill and print out this form, if you do not have an attorney. I highly recommend looking it over whether you live in Washington or not; it has a lot of examples of the kinds of things you can make decisions on and what to talk about!

So how do you breech an admittedly difficult and possibly painful subject? That will depend on you, but the person you trust to fulfill your wishes should, ultimately, be someone who is at least willing to discuss this subject with you, regardless of the difficulty. 

If need be though, or in need of a reasonable segue into the subject, this is my permission to you to use the example of my late fiance, who suffered an unexpected diabetic coma in the middle of the night when alone and could not make decisions for himself, eventually culminating in a termination of life support as per his wishes. If it can happen to him, a healthy man in his early 30s, it could certainly happen during a COVID-19 outbreak, which seems to be a russian roulette in regards to whose case is mild and whose is lethal. If it can help you make decisions that benefit yourself and the emotional well-being of your loved ones, I am more than confident he would give his blessings.

So, what do you talk about? Anything and everything. Again, try checking out example Advance Directive forms, and some Financial Power of Attorney forms (you may need witnesses for these forms to be legalized, but in reality, any form you fill out is still technically legal and admissible in a court of law). But I have some subjects that both my late fiance and current significant other have discussed that will, at the very least, give any Health Care Agents you designate a good idea of what you would like done. Also check out your medical provider’s website, if they have online access. Mine actually has a page where I can outright fill out Health Care Agents, so I actually just filled that out today and it’s right there in their records to access in an emergency! Again, make sure the person you designate is informed and willing! Check with family members or friends too, they may be able to provide you with legal forms to formalize your wishes.

Some topics you can discuss:

Your personal beliefs regarding treatment. Do you have a spiritual leader you want contacted? Do you have religious, spiritual, or personal beliefs that might interfere with treatment? In some religions, some medical treatments may not be acceptable! If you do not have any exceptions or clauses, how far do you want medical treatment to go? If your condition is terminal, do you want treatment prolonged even if the end result is still death? Do you want hospice? Do you want to be given life-sustaining treatment (life support), even if it is known that this will only worsen or prolong a terminal condition? Do you want to be resuscitated, even if your quality of life may suffer or will be negligible? (For example, being resuscitated while in a Permanent Vegetative State?) If your condition is terminal, do you wish to pass away at home, or in the hospital? What if you are pregnant while unable to make decisions; do you want to put the survival of yourself or the baby first? If you are unsure, and know that the choices may depend on context, do you want to allow your Health Care Agent to decide? Are they comfortable and willing to make decisions like those on your behalf? Do you want your Health Care Agents to have these powers only during an emergency or in specific ways (springing) or effective and general once agreed to (durable)?

If you are alive and yourself but will need assisted living, such as wheelchairs, help with feeding, changing, bathing, dialysis, etc., who is willing to help you with this? Is your SO willing? Do you want your SO to do so? Do you want nurses and providers to do so? What are your feasible options?

Do you want to be an organ donor? Are you willing to be a full donor, which may mean your family will be unable to have an open casket? Only a partial donor? Do you only want to be able to donate specific things, if able? Where do you want those donations to go? Medical schools, other patients? 

Do you have pets? Who do you want to take care of them if you cannot? Are they able to take care of those pets? 

What do you want to happen to your material possessions? Who do you want to wipe your laptop of those seedy sites you visit? Do you want specific things to go to specific people? Do you want it all to go to your Health Care Agent, who can then decide what to do with those items? Who do you want your money and assets to go to? (Remember, your loved ones cannot be billed for the dead’s debts, no matter what companies claim!) 

If you die, what do you want to happen with your body? How much money are you comfortable with loved ones spending? Is there a specific ritual you want performed or cultural practice observed, is there a specific place you would like to be buried? Do you want to be embalmed? Do you want to be cremated? Where would you want your ashes scattered? Do you ultimately not care, even if you have preferences, and want your loved ones to do what is best for them in regards to their own grieving process? 

These are obviously difficult subjects and for some people, these may be hard to discuss. Death is a hard subject! Especially death of ourselves or loved ones. I can tell you from experience though, how grateful we were that these things were discussed beforehand--and how grateful I was to my late fiance for taking so much heartache and stress off of our shoulders. Talking about these things can, in some cases, be an ultimate act of love to unburden the people you care about. (You may also be surprised at how easy it is to talk about the subject, once you just get started!)

For some of us, talking about these things can feel like paranoia, or obsession over death--or even, if we have a history of suicidal ideation, that we may worry about worrying others. Just state beforehand that you do not have thoughts of self-harm in talking about this; only that you want to be prepared. Your trusted ones will understand--and may thank you, for making your wishes known. 

It is not paranoia or obsession with death to care about the stress your loved ones may be under in a trying time. Remember: we make these to prepare for the unexpected, but make them in the hope and likelihood they will only gather dust.

For more info on the death positive movement, understanding your rights regarding Advance Directives, practical advice on the handling of your body, and greener funeral options, check out Caitlin Doughty’s youtube, aka Ask A Mortician.

[robbyrobinson]

Stephen King Villains: Most Evil to Least Evil

Stephen King is considered the master of horror best known for his prolific writing career that in itself takes place in a multiverse of sorts. Besides monsters and supernatural beings, there are also very, very evil humans that also antagonize the protagonists. 

Most Evil

Most Evil would go to Randall Flagg. He is probably the closest thing to the Devil that exists in King's works, though Nyarlathotep is also said to be one of his many titles. He appears in several of King's novels sowing chaos wherever possible. He was apart of many violent tragedies such as race riots, lynchings, you name them. In The Stand, he sets himself up as some sort of god for those who also had penchants for violence. In The Dark Tower series, he works alongside the Crimson King and gets into even more acts like destroying a city and driving a woman insane by having a dead man recount to her what he had seen in the afterlife. Ultimately, his plan is to topple the Dark Tower itself which would spell destruction for the multiverse. 

 Bronze goes to It. An ancient, primordial evil, It was originally from the Macroverse before crash landing to the area that would eventually become Derry, Maine where it establishes a cycle of awakening every 27 years to kill and devour Derry's children even though it is implicated that It doesn't need to consume the flesh of its prey as it could live off their fear alone. But it is their fear that makes their meat tastier to It. It is an egotistical, narcissistic being who views itself as being superior above humans and its archenemy Maturin the Turtle. It is first defeated by the Losers Club back in the 1950s after it had killed the young brother of Bill Denbrough only to return 27 years later to settle the score.

Silver...it's a tough one, but I ultimately decided that William Wharton from The Green Mile earns this spot. He is not the most powerful being in the books nor is he anywhere close to the first two's level. Simply put, he is a disgusting piece of human garbage that should've gotten fried to death in the electric chair for what he had done. He is first taken to the Mile after killing two people, one of which was a pregnant woman. When he arrives, he pretends to be in a near-drunken state only to then attempt to strangle one of the wardens. That in itself is bad, but what pushes him further is the fact that he was the one who raped and killed those two girls that John Coffey is being sentenced to death over. He used the sisters' love for each other to coerce them not to scream lest he kill one of them before leading them out of their house.

Patrick Hockstetter. A pure solipsistic psychopath, Patrick was a member of Henry Bowers's gang but he was especially nasty. He took perverse delight at killing animals but that is not his main claim to infamy. As a solipsist, he believes that no one exists aside from himself...essentially the world revolved around him. When he learned that his mother had given birth, Patrick felt threatened. So much so, he smothered the baby to death with a pillow.

Norman Daniels, the main antagonist of Rose Madder. A corrupt cop, he domestically abuses his wife Rose and in one instance sexually assaulted her and later caused her to suffer a miscarriage. When she leaves him, Norman pursues her, murdering and torturing those in his way his preferred method being biting them to death. 

Leland Gaunt of Needful Things sets up a novelty shop in Castle Rock where he has his victim's greatest desires in stock, but they had to pay a sum and additionally stage a prank. A magical charm that drives the residents to madness one instance being when two women killed themselves in a madness-inducing stupor leading to a young boy killing himself. 

Rose the Hat. A little lower on the list. A True Knot (quasi-immortal vampiric beings), she feeds on steam, as in the dying breath of children who have "the Shining." This is of course done through torturing children to death. Despite committing serial murders, plausibly in the hundreds depending on how long she and her clan were operating, she nevertheless greatly cares for her fellow True Knots and becomes increasingly incensed by Danny Torrance and Abra Stone killing them.

Going to King's first novel Carrie, we have several trash. Chris Hargensen bullies Carrie White relentlessly climaxing in her staging a terrible prank where she drops a bucket full of pig's blood on Carrie's head at the prom after forging fake votes for Carrie. Following her is Margaret White , Carrie's mother. An insane religious zealot, she emotionally and psychologically abuses her daughter as she saw it as her fault that Carrie received telekinetic powers because of her perceived mistake. After the massacre, Margaret attempts to kill Carrie.

The Overlook Hotel. At first it seems odd that I would include what is basically an inanimate object. But in the book The Shining, it is made apparent that the hotel is alive and is greatly evil. It drives those who visit it to madness ultimately resulting in them killing their families and then themselves. Once it completely possesses Jack Torrance, it fully has its malevolent intentions out in the open. 

The Shawshank Redemption. Kind of more leaning towards the film adaptation, but here goes: Samuel Norton is the warden of the Shawshank prison. Initially coming off as a kind man with that rich Southern Christian rhetoric, Norton is truly a greedy man ruling Shawshank with an iron fist allowing rapes and other evils to happen on his grounds. He uses the prisoners for cheap labor in a money laundering scheme which he forces Andy to assist him with. Unlike in the book, when Tommy has information proving Andy's innocence, Norton sends for Captain Byron T. Hadley to kill Tommy. 

Next would be Bogs Diamond. The leader of a group of men called The Sisters, he enjoys violently raping his victims one of his favorite being Andy. But it isn't because he's gay, but more because he derives disgusting glee from raping them when they were at their lowest state. 

Henry Bowers, the secondary antagonist of It, is a racist, Anti-Semitic, misogynistic, fat-shaming lunatic who graduates to murdering his own father before deciding to go to kill the Losers Club when they enter the sewer system to face off against It/Pennywise. But it is shown that his father was abusive and he likely learned a lot of his prejudices from him. But he also stands as a trope of King's where you have insane bullies.

Lastly, we get to Percy Wetmore the secondary antagonist of The Green Mile. Somehow coming off as more reprehensible than the real villain of the book, Wetmore is a low-functioning sociopath who primarily came to the Cold Mountain Penitentiary to watch the death row inmates die. 

Especially despising Delacroix, he kills Mr. Jingles by stepping on him out of spite, and he later deliberately leaves the sponge dry leading to Delacroix's excruciatingly botched, prolonged execution where he literally cooks in Old Sparky. He's kind of lower on the list mostly because of his film counterpart looking horrified. Something tells me that he probably was only thinking that by not wetting the sponge it would give Delacroix a little more pain, but he wasn't anticipating for the events to ensue the way they did. Though him being forced to watch is cathartic as was what became of him in the ending.

Least Evil

Cujo takes the first spot. All he wanted was to be a good boy, but all that changed when he was bitten by a rabid bat. Now he kills those that he miscontrues as being responsible for his pain. 

Carrie White was the protagonist of Stephen King's first book. Born with telekinetic powers, Carrie was bullied by her peers; mistreated by her fundamentalist mother...ultimately she was driven insane when that horrible prank at the prom befell her. She committed horrible acts, but ultimately, it is understandable. It was only a matter of time for her to snap. 

Jack Torrance: While he tries to kill his wife and son, part of it largely falls on the Overlook corrupting him. He was abused by his father ultimately becoming an alcoholic who unwittingly dislocated Danny's arm. At the least before the Overlook's destruction he had a moment of clarity. 

Christine: A sapient possessed 1958 Plymouth Fury vintage vehicle who acts like a envious girlfriend when it comes to its owners. Worse, it is fully able of numping people off if need be.

The Wendigo: In Pet Sematary, it is a wendigo that is responsible for the cursed grounds that whatever was buried in its soils, an evil, undead version arises. This happens to Church the cat and especially to Gage. However, the Wendigo is presented more as a force of nature than truly evil.

Annie Wilkes: After saving Paul, it seems at first Annie was a kind woman...at least until she found out that Paul killed off her favorite character and becomes hellbent on forcing him to rewrite the ending where she was alive again. She holds him hostage and even breaks his legs as punishment (though it's much worse in the novel). Worse, it is revealed that Annie is a serial killer with a body count in potentially the 70s with multiple infants dying under mysterious circumstances while under her care. More patients end up dying but they were mostly ignored as the patients were already deathly sick prior. But with all that being said, Annie does have severe mental issues to the point where she is unable to discern reality from fiction. 

[thecomicsnexus]

NEW TEEN TITANS #1-6 AUGUST 1984 - MARCH 1985 BY MARV WOLFMAN, GEORGE PEREZ, ROMEO TANGHAL, DAN JURGENS AND ADRIENNE ROY

SYNOPSIS (FROM DC DATABASE)

The Titans enjoy a training exercise on Titans Island. The game is tag and their objective is to capture their newest member, Jericho. Jericho keeps the Titans on their toes by alternately taking possession of each of their bodies and using their unique talents against each other. In the middle of the exercise, Raven appears on the scene. In the spirit of fun, Jericho tries to enter Raven's body. Raven, suffering from her own secret inner turmoil, panics and teleports away, forcing Jericho out of her body. Jericho's eyes are wide with terror and he signals to the others about a great darkness that he senses inside of Raven.

Everyone returns to the Tower to discuss the matter. They want to help Raven, but unless she elects to confide in them, they don't know what to do. Raven enters the meeting room and tells them that she is leaving the team. She is dealing with matters of the soul that the others could not hope to understand. The Titans plead with her to let them help, but Raven is adamant. She announces that she will depart the following morning.

Meanwhile, the citizens of Tamaran celebrate the end of the Citadel War. The Royal family sends a special envoy towards Earth to recover Starfire and return her home.

That evening, Jericho visits Raven's room. Raven thanks him for her concern, but tells him that there is nothing anyone can do for her. The journey that she must take is one that she must take alone. After Raven falls asleep, Joey decides to enter her mind in the hopes of learning the exact nature of her problem. He finds his spirit displaced to a nightmarish dreamscape made up of bones and tortured souls. At the center of Raven's soul is the essence of that which has been corrupting her – her demonic father Trigon. The essence of Trigon unleashes a psionic attack that forcibly expels Joey from Raven's body. When he comes to his senses, Raven is gone. The Titans go to Raven's room and Joey tries his best to describe what he experienced (using sign language). The sky outside Titans Tower grows immensely dark and peals of thunder accompanied by an omnipresent sinister laughter echoes all around them.

An impenetrable darkness blankets the Earth, and an unnatural thunderstorm assails New York and Titans Tower, all of which are manifestations of the imminent return of Trigon.

Lilith rejoins the Titans to help them search for the vanished Raven, but first insists they also recruit Wally West, the former Kid Flash, because of his former close relationship with the empath. She then leads the young heroes in a seance, using Raven's rings as a focus. Raven's image appears, but rejects their help, after which the Titans are mystically transported to an Azarath in the throes of destruction. Despite their efforts, Azarath and all its inhabitants are apparently destroyed. 

Back in New York, Raven returns to Earth in a terrifyingly transformed state, with red skin and four eyes like her demonic father, and announces his coming. 

Then Titans Tower is transformed into a solid mass of rock and a gigantic Trigon appears atop it.

Lilith taps the power of Raven's rings to return herself, the Teen Titans, and Arella to Earth, which has been totally taken over by Trigon. The demon himself appears to be asleep atop Titans Tower, while the Titans encounter the transformed Raven in the streets of a hellish version of New York. They attempt to reason with her, then fight her, to no avail.

Jericho is thrown into shock by his attempt to possess her, and Wally West and the other Titans are banished into the realm of their own nightmares. There, each confronts an evil version of him/herself: Nightwing's double shows him a murdered Batman whose death the new Robin, Jason Todd, was unable to prevent, and demands that he return to the role of a twelve-year-old sidekick: Cyborg finds himself regarded as a monster by Sarah Simms and her students, who look to a normal Victor Stone for protection; Wonder Girl watches as her counterpart uses her Amazon strength to kill her husband, Terry Long; Changeling sees himself as a scavenger feeding on the bodies of his deceased loved ones and terrorizing his living friends; Starfire's duplicate taunts her with an image of her homeworld enslaved by the Gordanians, and claims that she can only save the planet by returning to slavery herself; and Wally is witness to his own doppelganger and the transformed Raven making love, after which the evil Kid Flash invites Wally to take his place. On Earth, Raven, Lilith, and Arella see the Titans as a stone column of lost souls.

Raven attacks Lilith and Arella, but finds herself unable to destroy them. Each of the Titans trapped in nightmares of their own worst fears is taunted by his or her evil double until, one by one, they turn on their tormenting duplicates and kill them.

The column they made up on Earth is shaken apart, and the Titans reappear as their own dark sides. Raven believes they are now Trigon's slaves, but Lilith tells her that by forcing the heroes to kill, she has instead sealed her own doom. Raven orders the transformed Titans to destroy Lilith, but instead they unite against Raven herself and slay her. With her death, the Titans return to normal and to their right minds, just as Trigon awakens to take vengeance for the death of his daughter.

Trigon awakens at full strength, possessing the souls of everyone on Earth except the Titans and Arella, and grown to an even more gigantic stature, many times the size of the former Titans Tower.

Maddened beyond endurance, Wally West launches a hopeless attack on the demon with his super-speed, and the other Titans follow him into battle. With minimal effort, Trigon levitates the stone mass that was once their headquarters and sends it hurtling down on all the Titans except Nightwing, whom he then disposes of with a single blow of his staff.

Only Lilith and Arella remain, but Lilith senses the Titans are still alive. Starfire had used her starbolt powers to protect them from the falling tower and now uses them to free them from the rubble. She then locates and revives Nightwing.

In despair, Wally is ready to give up, but the other Titans decide to fight on, even in a seemingly hopeless cause. As they rush to confront their foe, Lilith tries to rouse Arella to action, but fails until Raven's mother suddenly hears the clairvoyant Titan speaking in the voice of the deceased Azar, former spiritual leader of Temple Azarath.

As the Titans approach, Trigon begins to open a gateway to his ravaged home universe, intending to recreate it by allowing it to absorb the dimension containing Earth. While the Titans fight a delaying action, Arella and Lilith, who is being controlled by Azar, replace Raven's rings on her body. Raven's soul-self, now an angelic pure-white entity serving as a conduit for the power of Azar, rises from her still form and grows to envelop Trigon, ultimately destroying him. The form of Raven rises from the battle site and is lost to view, the darkness which had covered the world vanishes, and the Earth returns to normal.

Although the memories of most ordinary people are hazy in the aftermath of Trigon's destruction, the people of New York recognize that the Teen Titans have saved the Earth from the demon, and give them a heroes' reception and a huge parade. Depressed over what has happened to Raven, most of the Titans are in no mood for the festivities, and some are wary of the sudden wave of publicity. Wally West, meanwhile, has returned home to Blue Valley, not telling his parents of his involvement in the battle. Following the parade, the Titans make plans to rebuild their demolished headquarters, Arella leaves to search for her vanished daughter, and Cyborg visits Jericho in the hospital. 

All of the young heroes are haunted by the nightmares induced by Trigon, and finally, at Terry Long's suggestion, they take a second camping trip to the Grand Canyon together to talk things over. Each tells the others about his or her nightmare experience, and Terry offers his advice to the group, as well.

REVIEW

I am not gonna lie to you. This is the Titans’ finest adventure, and they have been struggling since then to repeat their greatest hit. Proof of this is how this story plays into the “Titans Hunt” story. And of course, how often this plot resurfaces around Raven.

Artistically, the story also has a lot of creative spins. Issue #2 was delayed so the penciled pages could look good. The result is pretty good, and the Baxter format helped a lot. In fact, they would have probably not taken that risk with newsprint format.

I don’t like Wolfman and Perez handling Wally West. They struggled a lot with him during their run, and here he looks very weak as a character (beyond his health issue). He has his heroic moments, but in the climax, he stays behind, defeated. It made sense at the time, but a year from this issue he was going to become The Flash (they didn’t know this at the time), so it feels like a very low point for Wally. Sure, not as bad as Heroes in Crisis.

This was also one of my first Titans comics. Not a bad start!

The Jurgens issue is a relaxing issue where the characters can cope with everything that happened during the Terror of Trigon arc.

I give this story a score of 10

[writing-prompts-for-friends]

Notes on Robert McKee’s “Story” 17: Essential Qualities of a Protagonist (and Other Characters)

Today we cover McKee’s rundown of the essential qualities of the protagonist, a.k.a. The Main Character who does The Thing. That’s the dictionary definition; trust me I have a Bachelor’s in English. Because Thor is the best my favorite superhero, I’m going to see if he (in the Marvel Cinematic Universe) ticks all the boxes of McKee’s qualities of a protagonist. Warning: all the spoilers. Additional Warning: Long post.

The Protagonist

Usually, the protagonist is one person. However, sometimes stories are driven by a duo, such as THELMA AND LOUISE, or a trio or more. These are called Plural-Protagonists. 

For two or more characters to form a Plural-Protagonist, two conditions must be met:

All individuals in the group share the same desire

In the struggle to achieve this desire, they mutually suffer and benefit. 

So we can say that THE AVENGERS has the Plural-Protagonists of all the Avengers. They seek to defeat Loki, regain the Tesseract, and save the world from the Chitauri invasion. 

A story can also be Mutliprotagonist. Here, characters pursue separate and individual desires, suffering and benefiting independently. We could use the unfortunate film Thor 2: The Dark World as an example. (Do you remember it lol?) Loki and Thor are forced to work together to defeat the Dark Elves, but each for very different desires and benefits. 

Other examples of Multiprotagonist works would be PULP FICTION and THE BREAKFAST CLUB, just to name a couple more examples. 

Multiprotagonist works often result in Multiplot stories. Rather than driving the telling through the focused desire of a protagonist, either single or plural, these works weave a number of smaller stories, each with its own protagonist, to create a dynamic portrait of a specific society. PULP FICTION certainly displays the Multiplot at work well. 

Also, as I’m sure you’re aware, the protagonist doesn’t need to be human. Bugs Bunny is the protagonist in Looney Tunes. Hamtaro is the protagonist in Hamtaro. Thomas the Tank Engine is a sentient train. 

“Anything that can be given a free will and the capacity to desire, take action, and suffer the consequences can be a protagonist. It’s even possible, in rare cases, to switch protagonists halfway through a story. PSYCHO does this, making the shower murder both an emotional and formal jolt.”

Now let’s dive into the hallmark qualities necessary of all protagonists.

1. A Protagonist Is a Willful Character

“Other characters may be dogged, even inflexible, but the protagonist in particular is a willful being. The exact quantity of this willpower, however, may not be measurable. Quality of willpower is as important as quantity.”

Thor is perhaps one of the most willful characters of the Avengers, second only to Captain America. His sense of justice and responsibility as protector of realms demands that he make bold decisions and act for the greater good. His desires are always clear because he is transparent, the polar opposite of his brother. 

However, not all protagonists display their willpower. Take the character Groot, who may appear to be passive particularly in Endgame when he is going through his rebellious teen years. Yet when he offers a piece of himself to become the hilt of Thor’s new weapon Stormbreaker. It is clear that despite his outward apathy, he has not lost the desire to assist his friends and stop Thanos.

McKee cautions us that:

“The truly passive protagonist is a regrettably common mistake. A story cannot be told about a protagonist who doesn’t want anything, who cannot make decisions, whose actions effect no change at any level.”

 2. A Protagonist Has a Conscious Desire

In each of the Marvel films, Thor’s outward desires have been somewhere along the lines of “Protecting the Nine Realms.” The protagonist’s will impels a known desire. The protagonist has a need or goal, an object of desire, and knows it. For many characters, a simple, clear, conscious desire is sufficient.

3. The Protagonist May Also Have a Self-Contradictory Unconscious Desire

Thor’s outward desires have always been the altruistic “Protecting the Nine Realms,” but in his deep character, from the very first Thor film to Endgame, Thor has struggled to find himself worthy in the eyes of his father, of his people, and, at his very core, in the eyes of himself. In contrast to his outward desires that are self-sacrificial, deep down he has always felt the uncontrollable wish to be deemed “worthy,” not only by Mjolnir, but by his father, Loki, Jane, the people of the Nine that he wishes to serve, and ultimately by himself. Having grown up as the first son of the Allfather, the throne is his by default and everything in life has been handed to him. Yet he has always sought to prove his worthiness is not from birthright.

McKee states:

“The most memorable, fascinating characters tend to have not only a conscious but an unconscious desire. Although these complex protagonists are unaware of their subconscious need, the audience senses it, perceiving in them an inner contradiction. The conscious and unconscious desires of a multidimensional protagonist contradict each other. What he believes he wants is the antithesis of what he actually but unwittingly wants. What would be the point of giving a character a subconscious desire if it happens to be the very thing he knowingly seeks?”

Excluding his battle with the frost giants in Jotunheim at the beginning of the first Thor film when he was brash and immature, Thor has never gone against an enemy in order to prove his worthiness. When he fails to stop Thanos, he comes to the conclusion that he is worthless, and it is only thanks to Frigga that he realizes that not only is he still worthy; he has always been worthy.

4. The Protagonist Has the Capabilities to Pursue the Object of Desire Convincingly

“The protagonist’s characterization must be appropriate. He needs a believable combination of qualities in the right balance to pursue his desires. This doesn’t mean that he’ll get what he wants. He may fail. But the character’s desires must be realistic enough in relationship to his will and capacities for the audience to believe that he could be doing what they see him doing and that he has a chance for fulfillment.”

In the first Thor movie, Odin exiles his son to Earth until he has proved himself worthy as his successor to the throne. Thor, as brash and confident as he was at the start of the movie, convinces Jane and the audience that he will be able to retrieve Mjolnir immediately. This is proven not only by his unshakable confidence, but also by the way he destroys any and all opponents who stand in his way. The audience feels the same confidence as Thor, that it is just a simple matter of walking in and taking back what is rightfully his. 

Yet to our dismay we see that he is not yet worthy when he is unable to regain Mjolnir.

5. The Protagonist Must Have at Least a Chance to Attain His Desire

“An audience has no patience for a protagonist who lacks all possibility of realizing his desire. The reason is simple: No one believes this of his own life. No one believes he doesn’t have even the smallest chance of fulfilling his wishes. But if we were to pull the camera back on life, the grand overview might lead us to conclude that, in the words of Henry David Thoreau, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation,” that most people waste their precious time and die with the feeling they’ve fallen short of their dreams. As honest as this painful insight may be, we cannot allow ourselves to believe it. Instead, we carry hope to the end.

Hope, after all, is not unreasonable. It’s simply hypothetical. ... We all carry hope in our hearts, no matter the odds against us. A protagonist, therefore, who’s literally hopeless, who hasn’t even the minimal capacity to achieve his desire, cannot interest us.”

When Thor is unable to retrieve Mjolnir and Loki tells him that his return to Asgard has been forbidden, he truly hits rock bottom and becomes hopeless. Both he and the audience feel that there is no way to realize his desire of returning home and taking the throne. 

But then minutes later, both Jane and Dr. Selvig show up to rescue him from detention, and from there hope is found in his newfound friends.

6. The Protagonist Has the Will and Capacity to Pursue the Object of his Conscious and/or Unconscious Desire to the End of the Line, to the Human Limit Established by Setting and Genre.

“The art of story is not about the middle ground, but about the pendulum of existence swinging to the limits, about life lived in its most intense states. We explore the middle ranges of experience, but only as a path to the end of the line. The audience senses that limit and wants it reached. For no matter how intimate or epic the setting, instinctively the audience draws a circle around the characters and their world, a circumference of experience that’s defined by the nature of the fictional reality. This line may reach inward to the soul, outward into the universe, or in both directions at once. The audience, therefore, expects the storyteller to be an artist of vision who can take his story to those distant depths and ranges.”

Just look at the character development we see in Thor from the first movie to Endgame. An immature, hot-headed, entitled boy has matured into a man willing to make any sacrifice, to expend every last drop of sweat, blood, and power not to prove his strength, not even to prove his worth, but to restore balance and justice to the world. 

7. A Story Must Build to a Final Action Beyond Which the Audience Cannot Imagine Another

“In other words, a film cannot send its audience to the street rewriting it. If people exist imagining scenes they thought they should have seen before or after the ending we give them, they will be less than happy moviegoers. We’re supposed to be better writers than they. The audience wants to be taken to the limit, to where all questions are answered, all emotions satisfied--the end of the line. 

The protagonist takes us to this limit. He must have it within himself to pursue his desire to the boundaries of human experience in depth, breadth, or both, to reach absolute and irreversible change. This, by the way, doesn’t mean that your film can’t have sequel; your protagonist may have more tales to tell. It means that each story must find closure for itself.”

It’s 2020 and fanfiction is now mainstream. But not all fanfics are born from dissatisfactory endings. Rather, many of them are born because we yearn to fill in all of the little in-between moments and what-ifs that arise unbidden in our minds because of our love of the work and its characters. 

While I wonder how Thor will continue his life without Asgard, without his people, and most of all, without Loki, a sojourn seems like the best way for a man who has grown up within the confines of court decorum and lofty expectations to find out who he wants to be. And most importantly, Thor has come to terms with the fact that he is not meant to be a leader, and that he is worthy--not necessarily of the throne or of anyone else’s respect/love/loyalty--but that he is worthy of self-respect. To me, this is a satisfactory ending for his character in MCU.

8. The Protagonist Must Be Empathetic; He May or May Not Be Sympathetic

“Sympathetic means likable. Tom Hanks, for example, in his typical role: The moment he steps on screen, we like him. We’d want him as a friend, family member, or lover. He has an innate likability and evoke sympathy. Empathy, however, is a more profound response.

Empathetic means “like me.” Deep within the protagonist the audience recognizes a certain shared humanity. ... There’s something about the character that strikes a chord. In that moment of recognition, the audience suddenly and instinctively wants the protagonist to achieve whatever it is that he desires.”

To be honest, as a MASSIVE Thor fan, the first two movies stayed pretty true to the traditional comic Thor, who was serious, spoke in Ye Olde Englishe, and was such a lofty, justice-driven hero that he was hard to relate to. The Thor of the first two movies wasn’t exactly for everyone. 

However, his complex relationship with Loki is what, in my opinion, managed to make him and Loki in particular empathetic to the audience. To love someone while knowing they are poison, to continue giving them chances when you know full well that it will likely end up harming you, and yet still refusing to give up hope on them, is a bitter battle that many of us face. 

Ragnarok in particular is what cemented Thor’s empathy, but also his sympathy more than anything else. They dropped all of the old-timey speak, got downright silly, and let Hemsworth’s comedic talents shine through to brilliant effect. 

Not only did Ragnarok make Thor one of the most beloved characters in MCU, it also shows Thor’s acceptance of Loki for the trickster that he is. He no longer desires to “fix” Loki, and Loki, who desires acceptance more than anything, finds a new respect for his brother. This makes Loki’s death all the more poignant later, when it seems that the two brothers have finally become able to coexist. 

On Audience Bond

“The audience's emotional involvement is held by the glue of empathy. If the writer fails to fuse a bond between filmgoer and protagonist, we sit outside feeling nothing. Involvement has nothing to do with evoking altruism or compassion. We empathize for very personal, if not egocentric, reasons. When we identify with a protagonist and his desires in life, we are in fact rooting for our own desires in life. ... The gift of story is the opportunity to live lives beyond our own, to desire and struggle in a myriad of worlds and times, at all the various depths of our being. 

...Empathy, therefore, is absolute, while sympathy is optional. ... Likability is no guarantee of audience involvement; it’s merely an aspect of characterization. The audience identifies with deep character, with innate qualities revealed through choice under pressure.”

Thor had a weak audience bond in the first two Thor films, but Ragnarok changed everything. While I’m sad that we veered away from Ye Olde Speche version of him because I have a thing for that, and i will never ever forgive them for cutting his hair because I also have a thing for that, Ragnarok is one of the best Marvel films yet in my opinion because of how much it managed to make Thor empathetic to the audience. 

Anyways, thanks for letting me use this post as an excuse to rant about Thor haha. I hope that using an example like him make these points clearer.

Source: McKee, Robert. Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting. York: Methuen, 1998. Print

[rhodanum]

One of the greatest challenges in writing anything multi-chapter for TDP is that it would involve me having to reconstruct the political systems of Katolis & the Pentarchy from scratch, so that everyone aside for Viren (and even he has his moment of impressive bungling) doesn't end up being an imbecile in terms of statecraft.

A quick recapitulation, starting with the dysfunctional mess that is the High Council of Katolis. And particularly That One Idiot who said, I quote: "Xadia sent assassins and they took the King's life. There hasn't been the slightest skirmish since then. Maybe that was it. They've had their revenge and everything will just... settle down now."

It's a good thing I didn't try to livetweet S2, because that would've caused a whole storm of "who the hell put this numbskull on the council? He isn't fit to look after a chicken-coop, much less a nation!" Seriously, that's the sort of opinion that a baker or a farmer or a cobbler or any other regular citizen is expected to give, the standard 'keep your head down and hope it all blows over by itself.' Not someone who is part of what is supposed to be a national ruling body.

The murder of a sovereign (no matter how morally justified on the side of the people doing the murdering) is, by definition, an act of war. You really don't want to be the first to strike? Fine, then. But at least mobilize the militias / the standing army and take precautions. But we don't see even the most basic self-defense measures being instituted.

Which links to the second glaring issue: not only is the council as a political body both unable and unwilling to act, it is paralyzed by Katolis seeming having no proper redundancy systems in case of murderized sovereign with an heir who is well under the age of adulthood. Standard procedure is instituting a regency (Viren wasn't wrong at all here, even if his goal involved Ezran never touching the throne) so the bloody kingdom doesn't end up in gridlock. It doesn't matter if the regency lasts a week, a month, a year or more. The goal of any ruling body is ensuring the continued political and economic functioning of the kingdom and the well-being of the people. Which cannot be done if decision-making is tied to the King's seal and said seal cannot be used by anyone other than the King's heir, who is missing and who has an entirely uncertain Estimated Time of Return. But instead of acting and picking up the regency for how long it takes for Ezran to be back, the high-rollers of Katolis sit & wait.

This is what drives me bonkers about Opeli, incidentally. She spends her time being an obstructionist force with no actual constructive and politically functional ideas behind said obstructionism. She doesn't pick up the regency or do anything to resolve the gridlock. Amaya, at the least, has the excuse that she's an essential component of the Breach's defense, through her command of the Standing Battalion. But even she takes a dunk in the 'Lawful Stupid / Stupid Good' fountain, when she justifies her refusal to accept the regency not through the importance of her military command right at the border with Xadia, but through 'Ezran is the rightful ruler.' Ma'am, 'rightful ruler' isn't going to matter a jot if you end up with anything from economic instability all the way to possibly getting invaded.

And then there's Harrow, whose inability to deal with his own burdened conscience and crushing sense of guilt when it came to the people he lost resulted in him effectively deciding to dump his people's well-being on the shoulders of a ten year old. It's not fair to Ezran and Callum (who effectively lost a third parent in a row) but, far more importantly, it's not fair to everyone else who has to pick up the pieces, because a ten year old cannot be expected to rule much of anything. (I'm looking forward to S3, but definitely not to the 'and he was a far wiser ruler, for he had the Innocence of Childhood' nonsense that will probably be going on with Ezran's plot-line. The only way his rule would make sense to me is if the council make him a figurehead and handle actual rule themselves. But I don't have much hope for that, because said council, as pointed out above, doesn't have a good track-record when it comes to actually decent statecraft).

The rest of the Pentarchy suffer from the same flaws as the rulership of Katolis. The same 'head in the sand / hope the storm passes if we ignore it' malarkey. The same waiting for others to act before committing to anything. Queen Aanya of Duren says noble, nice-sounding things in refusing to commit to preparations for war. I'd find them less of an irritating manner of writing if the show ever presents neutrality in a state of war as being absolutely no guarantee of safety. (I was talking with @ma_ya_mo_ri about this. I find neutrality a cheap cop-out in terms of writing military conflict because the both of us, as Eastern Europeans, know from our history that it did jack-shit when it came to keeping our countries from getting the shit conquered out of them). While we're at it, Aanya's platitudes, coupled with her essentially waving the Divine Right of Kings in Viren's face is, as far as I'm concerned, another notch in the 'this is why you don't let children anywhere near political power' post. (That scene is extremely telling and it says a lot about issues of class within the Pentarchy -- it means that you can study as much as you like, become as much of an accomplished specialist in your field as you like, sacrifice until your very body is crumbling and falling apart... but you'll still be shot down by a random kid with a crown on their head, whose only real achievement was winning the lottery of birth).  

Mind you, all of the above doesn't mean I think Viren didn't make mistakes either. His most egregious was the plan concerning the Princes, because he should have known that Soren and Claudia wouldn't have ultimately been able to go through with it. Two (relatively untested) teenagers, who have been life-long friends with the targets? It was always doomed to fail. I can sort of see why he did it, if I squint -- he needed two people that he could place his utmost trust in, on very short notice. It was still a stupid choice, likely one motivated by desperation and lack of any other immediate option.

What should he have done instead? Well, for one, Viren should have given very serious consideration to bringing Ezran back alive and using his position as his father's best friend / unofficial uncle to teach the kid and mold him into the sort of King he thought was necessary for Katolis and the rest of the Pentarchy. It's apparent why he didn't do it and went with the nuclear-option instead. If war is on the horizon, you don't have enough time to forge the young King you need, while also being in a state of constant war with the rest of the council for influence over said King.

If the kill-option was the only viable alternative in his mind, he should have ensured it was entrusted to someone who could go through with it. A stone-cold, trained killer-for-hire, instead of his kids. Regicide isn’t a course of action where you can afford either half-measures or mistakes. Even better, while we're at 'should have done's': have a small team of wetwork specialists trained in secret, taught to be utterly loyal and employ them for highly sensitive operations, where any sort of mistake or bungle can spell disaster. But he didn't have such a team trained (just as, for example, he didn't cultivate loyalty toward himself within the Crownguard, thus ensuring the rest of the Council couldn't use this fighting-force against him) because he never actually planned to take head-of-state powers within his own hands, before the disaster with Harrow.

The actions we see from S1EP4 onward aren't those of a man who always planned to overthrow his best friend and stage a coup, but rather someone who acted rashly, saved Harrow's soul against his will... and then was stuck in an impossible situation, with a kingdom without a ruler and paralyzed into complete inaction, along with the loss of humanity's greatest asset against Xadia (the Dragon Prince egg). No wonder he looks as if he's flying by the seat of his pants, juggling seventeen things all at once and actually failing at the basics of a proper coup (such as ensuring the support of the armed forces).

Viren's fault, that trips him up again and again, is (hilariously and ironically enough) the fact he isn't actually ruthless enough for the position he's currently in! He's an idealist at heart and genuinely believes that people can be persuaded to make the rational choices, with the right arguments. This is what leads to his fall-from-political-grace and arrest at the end of S2. He takes an enormous risk in using the King's seal and lying about his status as Regent in front of the other rulers of the Pentarchy, effectively putting all his eggs in the one basked titled 'surely they'll see sense and act', if the danger is presented to them in a clear and concise manner.' But that's not what happens and his enormous gamble backfires, in that his lie becomes known to the rest of the council and results in Opeli's efforts to have him arrested. His idealism in thinking reason could sway the rest of the Pentarchy bites him right in the arse.

[masterstrange-closed]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 / 616 inspired au.

Please note that while a vast majority of this verse comes straight from the canon 616 biography of Stephen Strange, there are elements and head canons that are strictly my own mixed in. So, do not use this as a source for any other means than interactions with my muse. This is also the default verse I will use for most Marvel characters that are not MCU affiliated, but also open to MCU muses as well as an AU.

Stephen Strange was born November 1st, 1930 to Beverly and Eugene Strange while the pair were on a holiday out of town in Philadelphia, away from their farmhouse in Nebraska. He had three siblings, Donna Strange (1932), April Strange (1934), and Victor Strange (1937). April died before her third birthday due to ailments that medicine at the time were not equipped to handle, nor could the family really afford anything that did exist as the Great Depression was in it’s early days. Stephen has only a fleeting memory of her, but he would have been only six by the time she died. As per their father’s wishes, only a few photos of her remained in the house as the memory of losing her was too painful for their parents to confront day after day.

A couple years later, he began facing terrible nightmares — his parents believed it was caused by the stress and sadness of losing his sister, and being too young to fully understand what was happening. While that might have fed things, what was actually happening was far more sinister. Somewhere far away, a man known as Yao — the current sorcerer supreme, had seen a prophecy. His successor had been chosen, and it was none other than the young Nebraskan child. Of course, it would take years before he was ready to take on this mantle — but the news of this angered one man in particular. For Yao had a disciple, one who believed that the role of Sorcerer Supreme belonged to him. This man was Baron Karl Mordo, and desperate to secure his legacy, he began an assault on the young boy through a psychic connection. Every night, attacking him and plaguing him with night terrors that might push the child to another path. That might make him crazy and unable to take what he believed to be his!

Yao eventually realised what was happening and stopped Mordo, vowing to protect the child. He also decreed that Mordo was too dangerous to be kept unsupervised and also decided to keep him by his side to watch him. To keep his enemies where he could see them. However, the damage was done, and even without Mordo intervening, the night terrors were here to stay. After suffering night after night for what felt like an eternity, Stephen eventually found a solution of sorts. Unfortunately, it came in a bottle — copying what he saw his father do after a long stressful day, he began to drink in secret.

Years passed, and eventually Stephen found his life’s calling (with the aid of Donna and a rollerskating mishap), like his father before him — he wanted to pursue medicine, and he was determined to make it so. Perhaps then, he could gain the approval from his parents he desperately wanted. He graduated school with honors, and awards that were enough to get him into a good pre-med program in New York City. The first year away was a taste of the difficult road ahead, Stephen studied long and hard, but his stress was at an all time high. Luckily for him, he knew far too well how to numb himself to it by now.

Around his nineteenth birthday (1949, second year of college), Stephen came home to visit his family for a long weekend. While home, Donna wanted to show off her ‘cool college brother’ to her friends down by the lake — having missed his sister’s company while away, he agreed. This would become one of his greatest regrets, as the day was fated to end in tragedy. Donna and Stephen decided to race with some friends in the water, but after awhile, Donna suffered a severe leg cramp. She was far from shore, and the time of year made the water colder (even though it was still mild that year, weather wise), and as she tried to make her muscles work, the combination of the cramp, the water temperature, her panic and trying to call for help, tired her to the point where she could no longer keep afloat. Stephen eventually dragged her from the water, but it was too late. His sister was dead.

Stephen grew colder after that day, he blamed himself for not being able to save her — and as she had been the catalyst for his career choice all those years ago, she became the motivation that pushed him to extremes to succeed. He refused to fail, to lose someone because he failed to act in time or properly. It became a matter of pride over the years. A combination that worsened as his mother grew ill and passed away, followed by their father years later. His sister April, had also passed away years ago because of medicine failing her. People kept dying around him, and he couldn’t stop them. This pushed him, motivated him through school and into his career.

His father, he decreed, was the final straw. He couldn’t bring himself to go to the deathbed and bury another person he loved. So, he lied. He told his brother he couldn’t get there, and to drown out the pain and guilt, he went out. Got happily drunk and took someone home to distract him, but the distraction fell short when he found his brother in his apartment. Furious and betrayed, the two of them argued before Victor stormed out. Stephen went to follow him, to try to make amends and make him understand, but he never got the chance to. For Victor had accidentally stumbled into the street as he tried to get away from him and into oncoming traffic. Stephen, unable to cope with another loss, went to extreme measures to save his brother’s life. He knew current medicine was lacking… but he if he could keep him on ice, frozen until a time where perhaps medicine could save him, then he had to try. He failed everyone else, he refused to fail Victor too. How could he let his baby brother down once more?

The final bit of innocence he held had died, Stephen Strange had no more room for lost causes. He only took bets he could win, he only took patience he could save. Of course, he also thrived on a challenge — had that not been what motivate him here in the first place? He took the unusual cases, ones he knew he could win — but would be very difficult and extremely noteworthy. He reasoned, his issues in the past had been emotional. He had let himself be too attached to his work. So he distanced himself, he viewed patience only as medical problems. His original spark for choosing medicine was gone. Only arrogance and dangerous coping methods remained.

His drinking never ceased, he had picked up smoking too. While he was always upfront about what he sought after in relationships with partners, more often what that was were meaningless hookups or dynamics in which they both had something to gain. He was spending his days pioneering medical breakthroughs, earning success and accolades. By night, he was a sad man who needed a distraction, who was never satisfied and tried to numb the ghost that haunted him. He had a few love affairs, but they all ultimately ended. Not to mention, he held certain “urges” (re: non-heterosexual fantasies and feelings) that he couldn’t bring himself to face or admit to, as it was now the 1960′s. Life was becoming increasingly hard for Stephen, but he seemed to have it under a degree of control. As long as he kept himself together when it mattered, who cared if the mask cracked in the off hours? He was heading for disaster, and that was exactly what was going to happen.

February 2nd, 1963: to this day, it’s unclear what the exact cause of the accident was. The initial report, said that the poor weather conditions had made the road unsafe and the accident was entirely just that. An accident beyond anyone’s control. Some people, further into the investigation, once Strange was in medical care realised that the man wasn’t exactly sober behind the wheel, and perhaps this was a perilous example of driving under the influence. Yet, even now, years later a voice still whispers in Stephen’s ear when he’s alone at night; when he’s run through or weak that says: but what if it was on purpose, and the only accident was remaining alive? No matter what the case was, the result was the same. Stephen’s accident had come at the cost of his hands. The bones broken, nerves damaged beyond repair. As a surgeon, as any doctor would have forced to accept, there was no coming back from this. His career, and by extension, his life was over.

Thousands upon thousands of dollars were spent, even ones he didn’t actually have to spend, were poured into Stephen’s quest for some cure that would save his hands, eleven different operations, ones that included untested, and even some illegal, methods and surgeries and substances — all coming up with nothing but a worsening condition. He was in a debt he’d never be free of, and bills were piling up. What happened, was of no surprise to anyone — he was evicted from his home. His belongings seized to repay his loans and bills. With only a small backpack and a limited amount of cash — Stephen Strange was homeless.

He spent a year in and out of shelters, unable to find work (both due to his disability and his pride) before being fully cast out onto the streets. Much of what he had taken with him, was sold or traded for food and warmth. He could often nick a bottle or smoke from workers by the docks, who would sometimes give him dock work when they could find something he could manage. His hopes were dwindling, and Stephen gave up. Winter was coming, and he made peace with the knowledge he would not survive until spring one way or another.

However, that changed when he overheard the dock workers one day. Talking about claims of a Tibetan monk who had the ability to heal the “un-healable”. Something Stephen scoffed at, until he recognized the face of the man making the claims. A man named Pangborn who had once come to his clinic for treatment, but Stephen had turned him away as his paralysis was incurable… but was now standing in front of him and doing athletic feats that were impossible. Stephen used the last of his money, to book cheap passage to Tibet. His hope restored on the promise of what did he have to lose? If it was a lost cause, what did it matter if he died in New York or if he died in Tibet? He was nobody now. It made no difference.

The journey was long and rough, but eventually… haggard and beaten down, Stephen finally found himself on the steps of a large palace. He was admitted inside, and finally came face to face with the man who had saved him long ago, Yao.. or as he was known by everyone, The Ancient One. Stephen pleaded with him to save him, but he offered no medical miracles, only the study of mysticism. Claiming that had been what cured Pangborn. Dejected, furious, Stephen was heartbroken. His final glimpse of hope dashed by a charlatan and some magic tricks. He wanted to leave immediately, planning his final journey… but a blizzard struck unexpectedly, forcing the Ancient One to insist he spend the night until it cleared.

The whole time, he noticed Baron Mordo watching him closely, and couldn’t shake the feeling he had seen him before. Perhaps this was what led Stephen to catch what the other man was plotting, an attempt on his master’s life! Forced to involve himself, Stephen’s doubts about magic subsided quickly as he faced things he believed to be impossible. Once Mordo had been subdued, Stephen’s change of heart made him accept the offer to learn at the Palace, which he learned was actually a sanctum known as Kamar-Taj.

For years, Stephen studied along side Yao. His impressive affinity for magic, and his closeness with the Ancient One, prompted Mordo to officially leave the Sanctums and go rogue. Once he had learned all he could in Tibet, Yao informed him the rest of his studies were back home in New York City. Placing him in charge of the sanctum in Greenwich Village, Stephen was on his way to fulfilling his destiny. Years passed, as his connection with magic grew, he felt changes in his body become more apparent, but for the first time — he had a purpose, one that was noble and fulfilling. One that wasn’t born out of fear or personal desire.

As the years passed, it became clear that Stephen was ready for the final test: facing Death himself. At the end of this, The Ancient One was at peace, knowing his time on the physical plane was at an end and was finally ready to transfer the role of the Sorcerer Supreme to his pupil. Stephen inherited everything, including his ageless life, Stephen Strange was finally Doctor Strange, Sorcerer Supreme and Master of the Mystic Arts.

For the most part, Stephen spends his days battling the mystical and multidimensional to keep the world safe. He became well known as a Mystic in Greenwich, to whom people could turn to when having issues with the mystic world. He has amassed himself a small group of friends, although the nature of his world and his demeanor often strain these relationships at times. He is friendly with the Avengers and other heroes, as well as maintains connections with other sorcerers; but he is not affiliated with the official Avengers at this time. He never knows what’s going to happen, but what he has learned with his infinite life is that not knowing is half the reason to live in the first place.

[mittensmorgul]

14.18 and 14.19 both will require additional viewings to fully understand the gravity of everything revealed, and context I think we’re only fully going to get in s15. Even now, after having seen 14.20, I have more questions than answers, I think. A big part of the reason for this is how much of the story focuses on how POV affects perception, and how easy it can be to manipulate actions based on that, combined with the effect of the weight of one’s own emotions on both perception and vulnerability to manipulation.

The story is screwing with everyone-- the characters AND us-- on a very meta level here.

Going through 14.18, from Cas’s grief and self-blame over not having told Sam, Dean, and Mary what he suspected about Jack being dangerous, to Dean’s transfer of blame to him because of the emotional weight conversation with Sam, because it calls back to Dean’s ENTIRE relationship with Jack, how his first reaction was “DIE” and that only gradually shifted into grudging acceptance through his grief and despair over losing Cas, into actual acceptance after Cas returned, into sympathy after Jack’s first mistake that led to the death of an innocent, into full familial acceptance by the time Dean says yes to Michael. In s14, Dean FINALLY feels a more parental sort of bonding with Jack, and as soon as he does, Jack sickens and dies. It’s almost like Dean has been manipulated into being prepared to make this ultimate sacrifice all along.

Their whole family is cursed. He’s poison, etc. etc.

This same perspective shift happens for Jack, being “guided” into believing that HE is somehow “poisoned” as well, that because of his actions the Winchesters will no longer trust him, but his vision of Lucifer convinces him that because of this, he can no longer trust them. Jack is so desperate to redeem himself in the eyes of the Winchesters that he’s convinced himself that what he’s doing is good.

How many layers of manipulation are going on here? The narrative spirals are turning so fast we’ve practically reached F5 tornado status here.

Dumah, in 14.19, finally has what she’s wanted since Jack was born. Apparently having locked Naomi away for having “failed” to defend Heaven from the incursion of the Empty Entity was nothing more than a pretense to use Jack for her own power play. Dumah truly believes she’s doing the right thing, because in times past, this perfectly lines up with what Heaven always did. Her version of a Heaven without mercy harks back to the mindset of angels during the Apocalypse era, of Michael and his mission to destroy worlds.

Jack TRULY BELIEVES that “purifying the world” and “making angels” out of human souls would please the Winchesters. The fact that he still willingly got in the Ma’lak box is the biggest demonstration of just how easily manipulated he is.

The way Dean’s been broken down to be prepared to believe that they have no other choice but to kill Jack, to sacrifice himself in the process, applies to everyone. It’s always been a manipulation, in the biggest way possible.

So that said, on to my questions:

1. Is Jack’s vision of Lucifer actually Chuck manipulating him, because heck that would be a nice turn from Lucifer pretending to be God to manipulate Sam back in s11. In the end, does it even really matter what the source of Jack’s visions are?

2. Did Jack actually cause Mary’s death, or did this force manipulate him into the power burst that killed her? Does that even really matter? Because it’s not about the act, but the perception of it. Because the perception of it is all that mattered to Jack, in the end. He rejected Mary’s perception of him as “not well.” He’s sadly following Donatello’s advice, with the “What Would The Winchesters Do.” But Jack’s own perception of what they would do is fundamentally flawed without his soul. Donatello replaced his missing empathy with the consideration of possibly the most morally kind man ever to live, a man who based all his choices and actions on how they might affect others. Kindness was Mr. Rogers’ mantra. Jack lacks the maturity to understand this, and instead has based his own actions on the results of his actions, and whether or not the Winchesters would approve, which is a distinctly different thing, and Jack lacks the mechanism to understand this. This is what makes him so terrifyingly dangerous now.

3. Everything that’s happened in s14 has brought TFW to this point where Chuck thought they would feel backed into this corner, where in the past they would be ready to accept Chuck’s terms for the conclusion of the story, the self-sacrifice, the terrible fate, as the absolute last resort solution to save the world. And at first it seems to work. At the beginning of 14.20, Dean seems ready to do the deed, because his perception isn’t just about Jack’s danger to the world, but also the fact that he feels at least indirectly responsible for what’s happened to Jack now.

Chuck’s first line when he finds Cas is, “Wow, you guys are screwed.” *smarmy smile* Cas calls him God, he objects, and is pleased when Cas calls him Chuck, because “Chuck” is a likable, personable dude, and God is a terrifying all powerful being. Perception, and manipulation.

DEAN: You know what I'm gonna say. SAM: Let me guess. This is where you tell me you're gonna pull the trigger. DEAN: Yeah, it is. We don't have a choice, Sam. SAM: Of course, we do. Don't we always? I mean, isn't that the point of everything we've ever done, that we always have a choice? DEAN: He killed our mom. SAM: I get it. I was mad, too. Or you know what? Hell, I'm still mad. And a part of me wants Jack dead -- it really does. But, Dean, we haven't even tried to save him. DEAN: S-- Okay. You heard him, right? He actually blamed Mom for what happened. SAM: He doesn't have a soul. DEAN: And whose fault is that? SAM: Mine. I'm the one who brought him back, and I brought him back because he's family. DEAN: Okay. SAM: And then he came back, and he burned his soul off to save us -- you and me. And now what? You... Now you -- you want my permission? You want me to say I'm cool with losing him and losing you all at once? 'Cause I can't do that. I won't say that, 'cause I... No. I've already lost too much.

It’s interesting that Jack’s visit with his grandmother is what begins to shift his perceptions of himself into understanding. She goes from demanding answers about “What did you do,” into “What are you?”

So I talked above how Dean and Jack’s stories are entwined, but this is where Cas and Jack’s stories are entwined-- through Jack’s desire to do good, to do the right thing and yet always somehow making things worse despite their best intentions. Mostly because they tried to do the right thing by their own POV and perception, without understanding how they were manipulated into it. Like Cas in s6 manipulated by Crowley, by Dean’s promise to Sam to go live a normal life away from hunting, feeling the burden to fix everything on his own and unable to see any other way because of the depth of lies being uncovered would lead to the disappointment that was what he truly feared all along.

Which is why at the final moment, what finally gives Dean pause in his conviction that Jack needs to die, is Jack’s understanding and acceptance, his willingness to face what he’d done and truly repent:

JACK: You're not gonna lock me up again, are you? DEAN: No. (Dean raises the gun, aims at Jack and exhales deeply. Jack kneels down and bows his head. Dean, looking puzzled, lowers the gun and walks closer towards Jack. When he’s right in front of Jack, he aims the gun directly at his head. At this moment Sam comes speeding into the cemetery, car tires screeching. He gets out of the car and starts running towards Dean and Jack) SAM: Dean? Dean! JACK:(to Dean) I understand. SAM: Dean, don't! Dean? Dean! JACK: I know what I've done. [...] JACK: And you were right all along. I am a monster.

And in the end, the fact that Jack understands is what makes Dean realize that there is still another way.

Because in this part of the story, this is where Sam’s parallel isn’t aligned to Jack’s, but to Chuck. Sam picks up the Equalizer gun and shoots both Chuck and himself with it.

Writers lie.

And this lie is Chuck’s downfall. Because he was never on their side.

All that talk of stopping an apocalyptic thing by killing Jack? And then he starts an apocalypse with a snap of his fingers? Yeah. But he’s shown his hand now, and this changes everything.

And can y’all even conceptualize how O_O it is to loop from that scene in the graveyard to Mary tucking in baby Sam in in the pilot episode? Because I am now suffering. Chuck did this. He did all of this.

[destinychose-a1]

POST REAWAKENING  »   Following his reawakening, when not spending time with Aqua and Terra or catching up with his other friends ( namely Lea and Isa ), Ven visits Destiny Islands a lot along with his Chirithy. Due to the years that he spent within his heart, Ven finds himself subconsciously drawn to Sora’s homeworld and finds a great deal of comfort in wasting away the hours sitting on the beach, listening to the waves and feeling the sun on his face. No matter how mundane, these are all things he never thought he’d get the chance to experience again, but it also helps him feel closer to Sora — Destiny Islands would often feature in his dreams while he slept within Sora’s heart, and so it almost feels like a second home to him.

It takes Ven up to a year ( if not longer ) to build his strength back up to what it used to be before he sacrificed himself in his battle against Vanitas and lost his heart. He regularly visits Merlin for training and physiotherapy, but the road to recovery is a long and frustrating one — he scarcely has the energy for tasks which require minimum effort and struggles to lift things/move as quickly as he used to. He finds the entire process extremely difficult and emotionally taxing, and as such, his moods tend to fluctuate. For the most part, he puts on a brave face and attempts to act like normal, but his apparent lack of progress greatly impacts his morale on bad days. He finds it hard to ask for help and often reacts negatively when anyone attempts to step in while he’s struggling — he’s desperate to reclaim his independence and has a strong aversion to being coddled while he’s recovering.

Ven suffers from undiagnosed Acute Stress Disorder which later develops into PTSD following the events of BBS and KH3. His memories of his severe mistreatment/abuse at the hands of Xehanort return to him fully after his reawakening, and he suffers from panic attacks/severe insomnia ( further exacerbated by his fear of sleep ) for several months to a year. ( FURTHER DETAIL BELOW )

In the months after he wakens, Ven finds it extremely difficult to get a decent night sleep. The thought of falling asleep and never waking up is something that frequently occupies his mind and leaves him terrified. Whenever night draws in, he becomes restless and withdrawn, distracted to the point that he doesn’t notice the presence of another person until they’re close enough to touch him. Where he might have once found comfort in stargazing, he comes to fear the setting of the sun and forces himself to stay awake until his body has no choice but to shut down. It’s not until those around him notice his issues and intervene that these fears begin to settle, but it takes him many months before he’s able to beat his fear of sleep ( which develops into insomnia as a result of stress with his rehabilitation/lack of sleep/undiagnosed PTSD ). 

SOMNIPHOBIA & INSOMNIA  »   As briefly touched upon above, in the months following the restoration of his heart, Ven’s once consistent, plentiful sleeping schedule becomes virtually non-existent. While it was very much his choice to destroy the χ-blade in his fight against Vanitas ( willing to sacrifice his own existence and fall into slumber ), Ven still found the ordeal traumatising, the effects of which make themselves known after he awakens. He experiences bouts of intense paranoia when his mind and body begin to lag under the strain of exhaustion, consumed with the fear that if he allows himself to rest, he’ll fall into a deep slumber and never waken. This is further exacerbated by a subconscious fear of the dark, which he used to experience when he was very young and ultimately makes a resurgence after his awakening. These combined fears—while subconscious to begin with—cause Ven to force himself to stay awake for long periods of time, usually until his body eventually gives out due to sheer exhaustion and he’s rendered unconscious for a few hours. Any time he does spend unconscious is very rarely restful; he frequently experiences nightmares and suffers from mild sleep paralysis. He finds some comfort in his old habit of stargazing, as it makes the dark of night seem a little less terrifying, but he still feels extremely unsettled when the sun begins to set and night draws in. His fear of falling asleep and the subsequent manner in which he deals with it leads to Ven eventually developing chronic insomnia, which persists for several months and is further aggravated courtesy of his undiagnosed PTSD.

PTSD  »  Utilising DSM-5’s criteria for PTSD, Ventus displays the symptoms of PTSD ( currently undiagnosed ) as described below:

CRITERION A: stressor — exposed to death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury in the following way(s):

Direct exposure:   Ven faces serious injury when Xehanort attempts to force him to forge the χ-blade and he is subsequently overwhelmed by the Heartless surrounding him   ⋆  he sustains further serious injury when Xehanort splits his heart in two, creating Vanitas and rendering Ventus comatose due to shock   ⋆   he experiences a constant threat of serious injury and even death when facing the Unversed   ⋆   serious injury is threatened and inflicted upon him at Xehanort’s hands once more when they clash in the Keyblade Graveyard; his body is completely frozen and he is thrown from the edge of a cliff   ⋆    he willingly exposes himself to the threat of death in an attempt to protect his friends during his final clash with Vanitas, as by destroying the χ-blade the two of them forged, he destroys his own heart in the process   ⋆    his most recent brush with death occurs after his awakening upon returning to the Keyblade Graveyard and facing Terranort — he dies after being struck ( as shown in the gif, there’s no movement to suggest breathing ), although thanks to Sora, he is later revived ( he retains his memories of his death even after his return )   ⋆   when facing off against Terranort once more in an attempt to free his friend from Xehanort’s control, he experiences the threat of death at his hands.

Witnessing the trauma:   At a very young age, Ventus witnesses a Keyblade War that results in the loss of many lives ( while he loses his memories of his past initially, they return to him after Sora helps restore his heart )   ⋆   he later witnesses Vanitas threatening Aqua’s life in two instances and is very nearly too late to save her on both accounts   ⋆   due to his heart residing within Sora from a very young age, he witnesses, albeit infrequently, Sora under threat on multiple occasions.

Learning that a relative/close friend was exposed to one of the traumas:  Aqua informs Ven of Master Eraqus’ death shortly after he awakens; he takes to the news badly but has no proper time to grieve before the final battle is upon them   ⋆   he later learns that his sacrifice against Vanitas did nothing to save Terra or Aqua from their fates, and it is something that affects him to this day.

CRITERION B: intrusion symptoms — the traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in the following way(s):

Unwanted upsetting memories / Nightmares / Flashbacks / Emotional distress after exposure to traumatic reminders:   He, unfortunately, remembers his death ( no matter how brief ) at the hands of Xehanort possessing Terra’s body in vivid, excruciating detail; the gut-wrenching pain wracking his body, the resounding crack of his ribs, being unable to draw breath as the strength of the swing sends him flying, seeing the cold, cruel satisfaction displayed across the features of a man who is supposed to be his friend moments before it all goes dark. It’s something he can’t shake, even long after the final battle is concluded. He experiences frequent nightmares of that fateful moment ( it’s something he has yet to open up about to any of his friends, especially Terra ) and suffers an intense flashback and subsequent panic attack when first attempting to spar with Terra following his awakening   ⋆   after his heart is returned to him, Ven frequently experiences flashbacks and nightmares regarding the time he spent under Xehanort’s tutelage, particularly the events surrounding Vanitas’ creation. He often feels a phantom pain originating from the centre of his chest as a result of these intrusive memories, a cruel and chronic reminder of the forced splitting of his heart.

CRITERION C: avoidance — avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Trauma-related thoughts or feelings:   For a long time, Ven refuses to talk about what he suffered at the hands of Xehanort for all those years, and actively attempts to avoid thinking about it for too long. Even after being forced to face the trauma he suffered through nightmares and intense flashbacks, Ven is quick to push it all down, fearing that he’ll be seen as “weak” or “broken” for being unable to move past the abuse.

CRITERION D: negative alterations in cognition and mood — negative thoughts or feelings that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world / Exaggerated blame of self or others for causing the trauma:   With his memories restored after his awakening, Ven often thinks about the role he played in the Keyblade War all those years ago and the lives lost to a senseless war. While he was too young to completely comprehend it at the time, now that he’s older, the brunt of what he was asked to do weighs on him heavily and he feels great guilt for agreeing to become a Dandelion, thus sacrificing many in the hopes of saving a few. He blames himself, despite having little power to change the inevitable, and even catches himself thinking he should have refused to become a Dandelion if it meant dying alongside those whose lives were cruelly cut short   ⋆   upon discovering that his sacrifice in his battle against Vanitas did nothing to save Terra and Aqua, that Master Eraqus was struck down, Ven nearly loses himself to self-blame and self-hatred. He secretly wishes he’d never survived his forced separation with Vanitas, as his presence brought nothing but pain, misery, and death for the three people he came to love as his family   ⋆   perhaps worst of all, Ventus blames himself for the abuse he suffered at Xehanort’s hands. He blames himself for being weak, blames himself for doing nothing to stop the pain inflicted upon him, blames himself for not being good enough. Ultimately, he blames himself for existing ( Master Eraqus’ words haunt him in his nightmares, even to this day ) and truly believes the worlds would be better off without him in it. These are thoughts/feelings he’ll never reveal to another, as he fears that his self-blame will be validated by someone he cares for and greatly respects.

Decreased interest in activities:   Ven finds he has a decreased interest in stargazing, his most beloved hobby, partially due to his resurfaced fear of the dark and the threat of sleep. In the months following the final battle, as he begins to recuperate, Ven finds it difficult to enjoy his usual pastimes ( even his fondness for reading far-fetched fairytales ) and takes to either shutting himself in his room or throwing himself headfirst into training.

CRITERION E: alterations in arousal and reactivity — trauma-related arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Irritability or aggression:   As Ven undergoes rehabilitation and physiotherapy in an attempt to regain the strength he lost courtesy of the years his body spent immobile, he experiences intense moments or irritability and irrational anger over his apparent lack of progress. While a lot of this anger is directed at himself, there are moments where he lashes out at those around him when they attempt to offer him any assistance he didn’t ask for. This irritability also tends to manifest following a fitful nights rest or a flashback to past traumatic events, although it tends to die down fast and shift back into self-blame/self-hatred.

Risky or destructive behaviour:   Despite knowing his body cannot handle the strain Ven throws himself into training with a vengeance, fuelled by frustration directed at himself and the belief that he is weak/a burden on those around him. He insists upon sparring with Terra before he is ready, ignoring the signs of his body and mind, resulting in a breakdown and panic attack, which acts as the first real sign to outsiders/close friends of his state of mind.

Heightened startle reaction:   Ven develops a tendency to get lost in thought, shutting himself inside his own head to the point that he scarcely notices anyone approaching him until it is too late. He startles a lot easier following the final battle, jumping at noises even a little too loud, flinching at raised voices and/or slammed doors.

Difficulty concentrating:   Ven has always possessed a short attention span, but following the final battle against Xehanort as the emotional and physical trauma he suffered throughout many stages of his life begins to sink in, it only gets worse. He finds himself trailing off mid-sentence and getting lost in thought, abandoning a task halfway through, being unable to sit still and focus on even the most trivial of chores. He’s heavily distracted at the best of times, often appearing distant or melancholic when seemingly alone.

Difficulty sleeping:   As explored above, Ven develops insomnia as a result of his somniphonbia, which is further influenced and exacerbated by his development of PTSD.

CRITERION F: duration — symptoms last for more than one month.

Ven experiences these symptoms for over six months. While he eventually seeks help ( or, rather, is coerced into seeking it ) and discovers coping methods that suit him, these symptoms continue to persist, albeit intermittently and to a lesser extent, for the following two years.

CRITERION G: functional significance — symptoms create distress or functional impairment (e.g., social, occupational).

These symptoms put great strain on his friendships and daily life ( e.g. he purposefully isolates himself, rejects help, responds to repeated attempts of help with extreme irritation, he’s unable to spar with others due to unwanted flashbacks ) until those close to him finally intervene.

CRITERION H: exclusion — symptoms are not due to medication, substance use, or other illness.

Ven has no access to medication, never once engages in substance use and has no other illnesses that could cause such symptoms.