#and arguably trashed his career

[f1ggotry]

id love to pick alex's brain on the franco red bull rumours ...

[rainbowdaisy13]

Scott Swift Email Thoughts

WOW just finished and wow. This is a huge peek behind the curtain moment IMO, so this is my equally long take on it all

First, THESE ARE ALL JUST MY OPINIONS and also “Allegedly” in regards to everything I’m writing

First off, Scott, like many well to do white men, seems to be someone who needs constant praise and acknowledgement to fill the void of his lack of sense of self. This isn’t a new phenomenon, this has been most rich white men since the dawn of time. It’s rare to find one that has been able to self reflect and heal their traumas enough to truly see outside their own sphere of existence

Scott has been, in his words, and arguably based on their finances, very successful in his employment as a Financial Advisor. Ok cool. But because his main focus in life is making, maintaining, and growing the most amount of money possible AS A JOB, it stands to reason the lens he is going to view Taylors budding career out of is one of cost benefit analysis—aka—how do we generate the most amount of money possible. We see this theme time and time again in the email as he continues to remind Dan that he will make a ton of money if he continues to manage Taylor (with Scott’s secret guidance)

His constant trashing of Andrea as a mean controlling belittling wife and of Taylor as an ungrateful snobby daughter is really telling. This is 2005. Taylor is a freshman in high school, her career is just starting to gain traction, Scott Swift *already* felt this bitter and betrayed by his family and Taylor’s not even famous yet!!

He spends 10 pages listing everything he’s done for Taylors career—if that’s accurate, he has done a lot, and it sounds like he wasn’t afraid to be pushy and annoying to try and get Taylor out there. That being said, he never once speaks about how becoming famous will impact TAYLOR. He doesn’t talk about how important this is to her, about how much writing songs and playing music is a part of who she is as a person. He doesn’t talk about how excited she is to book bigger and bigger venues, to be interviewed on TV, to sing for hundreds of people. Nada. All we hear about is how much time and money HE has sunk into Taylors career, and how ungrateful Andrea and Taylor are

I’m gonna close up by saying, yes people can evolve and grow. 2005 Scott may be miles different than 2023 Scott. But knowing this is the man who has had his hands in Taylor’s career from day 1, this man that only cares about money and being praised for his contribution, makes my blood run cold. Yes she is a mastermind , but breaking free from a literal lifetime of this kind of control can take its own lifetime

Taylor Babydoll, break free and leave him in ruins!!!! It’s your life, live it how YOU want!! 🖤

[tequilaasquared]

So I totally agree with the sentiment that S6-9 was painful without Mickey because I almost gave up myself. But I’ll be an Ian Gallagher defender to the end and I really hate when his own stans dismiss his storyline because Mickey wasn’t there and they hated his love interests.

Him becoming an EMT was arguably one of his most important story arcs throughout the whole series and it was crucial to his character development. And more importantly (for me anyways) it was such positive representation of life after a bipolar diagnosis. Watching someone deal with a life changing diagnosis and not be villainised by the narrative and see them make something of their life and have a career and stability, was so inspirational to me.

(I’m not including the s8-9 gay jesus storyline in this rant because I acknowledge that it WAS objectively poorly written despite it having potential)

I totally understand if Mickey is your fave and you aren’t interested in Ian’s arc without him. I get that the show would be boring and a waste of your time if your fave is gone and none of the other characters are interesting enough for you to continue watching. But to see Gallavich stans call Ian’s development trash and outright invalidate it is always so disheartening to me. Especially when I’ve seen the same people praise the other Gallagher sibling storylines just to purposely dismiss Ian’s. Like you can just say you weren’t interested because Mickey wasn’t with him without shitting on him.

[penroseparticle]

irreplaceable rant? to the left to the left

My irreplaceable rant is essentially:

When Beyonce wrote Irreplaceable it was like a giant stepping on an ant. Even in 06 she was shaping up to be a Juggernaut. B'Day launched at number 1 I believe? She was blowing up. Well established, producing bop after bop after banger after banger. And We bought Irreplaceable because we, fully, were on board. Beyonce COULD have another you in a minute. The mythos of Beyonce was taking shape. She was Beyonce, you were some guy. To the left.

When she wrote Lemonade it was like. Oh there are stakes now because whether you think Jay Z is great or not or a garbage dude or whatever, he's at least closer to her level than just "some guy".

Like. Of course she could have another you in a minute if you were some dude. But could she have another Jay Z in a minute? No, categorically she could not, and to say otherwise is to tell yourself fun lies because you hate cheaters or men or whatever. I am a firm believer that Beyonce is one of a kind and cannot be replicated in our lifetime as a cultural phenomenon, artist, creator, singer, you name it she is. incredible. But I'm also not going to pretend Jay Z wasn't in some ways just as singularly, powerfully monolithic with popculture just because most of this website understands rap less.

She writes the Sistine Chapel about him because like it or not, she wants to. She looks at him and sees things you could only dream of creating and I for one am just happy to be here, and could care less what you think about Beyonce's specialist boy who is the catalyst of some of the best music I've heard in the past decade, and also someone who MADE some of the best music I've heard in the past 20 years as well.

Beyonce's first solo recording was 03 Bonnie and Clyde, btw. As in, she was a feature on a Jay Z song before even releasing Dangerously in Love. Which. Also prominently has a Jay Z feature. In the lead single. That arguably launched Beyonce's career. Why would she ever write songs about the man who helped her launch her career that she has been married to for 16 years. A damn mystery.

And for the record, if she wanted to make the most beautiful art in the world about literal garbage, so the fuck what. We hate Duchamps The Fountain on this website now? Irving Penn spent years taking extremely detailed, well composed photos... of actual trash. Like Mud Glove. His photos were hanging in the Smithsonian a few years ago. Turns out beautiful art that says something, even something about trash? Still beautiful.

[gloomysoup]

i have been taken over by nickelback once again so here comes another edition to the nickelback chronicles

todays edition brings us back to the 2017 album feed the machine, which seems to be a very steddie secrets-coded album based on previous editions. (the song is Must Be Nice btw)

corroded coffin is well established in the industry. they have a lot of fans, but it is more common in pop culture that they're made fun of due to certain songs that gain popularity (think photograph memes). their fan base regularly gets shit from others, but it's never caused problems. at least, not until someone comes after eddie's family.

in the age of the internet, people are increasingly open about their opinions. eddie's tough. he can brush things off with ease. he doesn't often take things to heart.

it starts with a collection of photos.

Steve and the pups got papped, bad. Eddie hadn't even been with them. Luckily, Eddie had insisted that they have a security detail when going out somewhere more public. For safety. Steve didn't really like the idea, but he agreed. He knew Eddie wouldn't have insisted so heavily on something unless it was important to him. His family's safety is important. So, when paparazzi was overwhelming them, cameras flashing in their faces, the pups upset and clinging to Steve, Eddie was grateful that their security managed to get them somewhere safe. Eddie was pissed when the photos were released online. It was clear in every frame that Steve had been uncomfortable, and the pups were scared.

Arguably, Eddie probably should've waited for the band's legal and social media teams before saying anything, but he was infuriated. He could barely hold back all the things he wanted to say.

His response came in the form of a long twitter thread from his main account. In it, he ranted about the absolute disregard the paparazzi had for privacy and consent. He went off about how angry he was that they violated his family, without him even being there. There was absolutely no reason for them to go after his family like that, and then to post those photos all over the internet like it was nothing. He was disgusted.

The post blew up. Eddie was asked about it in an interview with the band a week after the photos broke.

Eddie's hands shook as he looked at the man interviewing them.

"I don't think I have ever been so... infuriated in my life, and I've been hunted by an entire town who didn't understand." He shook his head. "I was in a meeting with a producer when my husband called me, in tears, because of those assholes. I wasn't even there. They had no reason to do that to my family. They do not deserve to be treated like animals in a goddamn zoo just because of my career. They're just fucking lucky that no one got hurt, because if anyone had laid a single hand on my family, I would not hesitate to track them down and prove an entire goddamn town right."

"Don't you think that's a little dramatic? Obviously it wasn't right, but that's their job, isn't it?"

Eddie's response broke the internet immediately upon its release.

"No. I don't think it's dramatic. I think I have every right to be angry that my family's privacy was violated. I have every right to be angry that their safety was at risk. If I do much as see someone with a camera pointed at them again, I will not hesitate to show them exactly what I think of their 'job'. I will do anything to protect my family, and I will not apologize for that."

The internet was divided. Many people agreed with Eddie. It was cruel. His family was put in danger. His response was perfectly understandable. Others thought he was taking things too far. They didn't understand just how harmful the paparazzi could be. One such person made it a point to call Eddie out. He was some up and coming artist that was gaining popularity among the younger crowds. A nepotism baby like no other. His mother was a popular actress, his father a well-known label executive. He trashed Eddie for being old, out of the loop, a hot-headed mess. He insulted his family based off the photos the paps had released.

Eddie barely gave a public response to the kid's statements. In fact, his social media went oddly quiet. For six weeks, not a single person in the band posted anything. Fans speculated on what happened. Some wondered if Eddie had finally snapped. Maybe this had been the last straw. The band was breaking up, or going on hiatus. Something. Their comments and concerns went unanswered. A few people even managed to track down the socials of people close to the band, sending DMs and asking if they knew what was going on. Nancy got the worst of it, seeing as she was the easiest to track down with her relatively active social media. Still, no response.

It was a random Tuesday morning when the band account finally posted something. Fans were expecting an official statement declaring that the band was parting ways. Instead, it was a cryptic video clip. A dark screen. Music playing in the background. A single line uttered before it cut off completely and a date filled the screen.

Stick your diamond ring where the sun don't shine

No one knew what it meant until the day arrived. The band released a new single. Must Be Nice. The lyrics are chalk full of references to common children's lullabies. It was very obvious to everyone what the song was about. Still, there was no official statement. Not until the band's tour, at least.

Eddie grabbed the microphone from the stand a couple songs into the first show. He took a drink from the cup sitting by Gareth's drum kit before taking a breath and looking out at the crowd. He got everyone to quiet down before he started talking.

"I'm sure by now you've all heard about what happened to my family a few months back," he began. The crowd booed. Eddie laughed, his eyes darting to side-stage where Steve was standing. "In case there's some people out there who haven't, my husband our pups were ambushed by paparazzi while I was in a meeting. Their safety was put at risk. Their privacy was violated. The photos were released on the internet, and I was the one to receive backlash for being upset. For being angry." The crowd screamed. "That's the thing about being 'famous' or whatever the fuck. No one cares. No one cares because they assume that we all signed up for this shit. Like the world deserves to be let into every single piece of our lives. The amount of people who wholeheartedly believe they had a right to invade our privacy and stalk our families is astounding, truly. And then there are people who grew up having everything handed to them. Who think they have a right to speak on a matter that doesn't involve them. Who only have careers because of who their daddy is. So this next song is dedicated to the fucker who had the absolute nerve to trash my family on the internet while he sat in a house paid for with Daddy's money. This is Must Be Nice."

The videos of his speech launched them back into the mainstream, if only for a few days. The internet was overrun with discourse, everyone arguing over who was in the right and who was in the wrong. It ultimately led to a public apology from the kid, and paparazzi learned to stay away from Corroded Coffin.

[halliescomut]

My Personal Weatherman Ep 5

I thought maybe it would make sense for me to RB with my thoughts after watching with subtitles, to sort of address what I kind of read correctly, and where I was off a little. So we'll see if this makes sense.

(EDIT: But because of how Tumblr sort of functions, no one is scrolling down to see new information, so I deleted my RB. If you want to read my no subs comments they are here.)

I like this episode a lot. I'm excited to see Luta's perspective (read it here), because I was absolutely enamored with watching how Mizuki cares for Yoh, and they always have such wonderful insight into how care translates in a D/s dynamic.

I see and empathize so much with how Yoh is feeling in this episode. Like...yes, he can be so blind as to not understand exactly why Segasaki wants to take care of him, but I also absolutely understand the desire to feel like an equal partner and be contributing. There's also that part of me that remembers being told by my mom and grandmother the importance of having your own money because it's asking for trouble to be solely reliant on a man. (This is because there are many men who can be trash, not that Segasaki is such a man, but it's a lesson that exists for a reason.) And it's arguably not healthy for a person's entire life to revolve around a single person, no matter how much you may care for them, that's just true.

Yoh needs to have things that belong to him, and Mizuki isn't disallowing that, but he's not quite connecting how important it is to Yoh. This episode he's kind of the one who's blind. I know his intention certain wasn't to demean Yoh's passions and art, but it seems like he doesn't take in-depth interest in Yoh's career, which has led Yoh to believe he finds the career frivolous. It's kind of an Arts major VS Hard Sciences major, type of thing. Yoh assumes that because Mizuki's career passions lie in a science-based field, that he doesn't take Yoh's career seriously. And again our communication failure is only exacerbating the pain here. It's frustrating, because they do communicate to an extent, but they're often not speaking the same language, and so they're still stuck in misunderstandings.

The bedroom conversation was so interesting. I was surprised last week in the preview to see Yoh so directly instigating romantic contact, and the reveal of the sort of circumstances is so relatable. And Mizuki is so observant here, recognizing that Yoh is 'hiding' from his feelings.

I think it's interesting that they left it ambiguous as to whether they actually did have sex. Because watching yesterday I thought no, but then watching today, I'm more in a maybe camp. Because Mizuki I think has very specific feelings about being used. He's set up a situation where he knows that technically he is allowing Yoh to 'use him' for his temporal needs, but then moving that use into sexual/emotional needs arena, that's going to feel different on the soul.

Man-san is an absolute angel. She gives Yoh some guff for his mood, but she pivots immediately after recognizing the real source of his depression, and brings solutions. A queen!! She's just so refreshing in this show. I like the idea of them working together, I think that staying engaged in a creative outlet is good for Yoh, because I think there's potential for him just shutting away that part of his life.

With Segasaki, I'm genuinely surprised that he didn't put forward the idea of Yoh maybe pivoting to webcomics vs traditional publishing, which seems like an obvious potential solution, you know? Your publishers trash and doesn't know how to market your stuff? Then cut out the middleman and do it yourself. It's not even something that Yoh would have to be 'onscreen' for or anything, I can see where his shyness wouldn't necessarily be conducive to that.

That final conversation though, that was fascinating to watch. I called it in my no-subtitles watch that Yoh was lying, though I didn't know why or what about. And honestly I still don't really know why he bothered to lie. It doesn't feel like Segasaki would be the type to care about Yoh working with Man-san, especially now that he knows she's happily married. Like I don't think it would set off his jealousy. Perhaps he would be bothered by their relationship being the inspiration for a Yaoi manga, but I think that would depend more on how much of them is in it. And I think he would trust Yoh to be circumspect in what was shared, but it could also be that since he's feeling unsure in the overall stability and definition of their relationship currently, maybe that would bother him. Because what if the relationship that Yoh sees them in, and helps to depict them in, is different from what he's been feeling?

I'm also not surprised that Yoh made the assumption that Mizuki saying 'I don't care if you about you losing your job' meant 'I don't care about your manga and your passion for it'. Like...the poor guy just makes so many assumptions about what really matters to Segasaki, and part of the issue maybe is that Segasaki is fairly carefree over a lot of things. IDK how to really explain, but I'm sure you're seeing what I mean. Bottomline is they're both idiots in love and they can't just say that to each other and clear up all the confusion because, you know...idiots.

As far as our ending, having had more time to think about it, I'm less and less bothered by the tracking keychain. We know very much that it comes out of a place of care with Segasaki. If he truly wanted to control Yoh, he would just prevent him from leaving, but he's willing to give him space as long as he knows he's safe. Both of them are so unsure of how much the other WANTS them there, that it's really screwing things up tbh, but neither wants to FORCE the other to stay. Which is, you know, pretty healthy and sane, we love that.

I'm quite bummed that we're not getting a new episode until September 28/29 (I'm getting mixed signals there), but two weeks any way. I want to see this resolved, but I also want to see more of Man-san and her husband. I'm interested because we do see Man-san giving really good advice to Yoh, and I'm wondering if we'll see some good advice to Mizuki as well. I'm also just interested to see if perhaps Mr. Man-san will provided any advice to either of our sad bois. He's presented as quite mellow and level-headed, so he might be the ideal person to give them solid simple advice.

I may have more thoughts later, but this is where I'll end this for now.

[imsodishy]

It's not Steve’s fault. Actually he blames sports, okay? Because the language around winning gets sort of... screwy, in Steve’s opinion.

Every coach he's ever had has gone on and on about it. Stay on your man. Make him beg for mercy. We're gonna ruin 'em. Wreck 'em. Cream them. Whip their asses.

And okay, arguably some of that is tied a little bit to the weird dungeon movie he accidentally saw on cable at his uncle's house when he was twelve, but that's exactly his point! That's how wires get crossed! That's how boys get a little confused.

That's why freshman year Steve had a wet dream about the blonde outfielder on the team from Wabash who smiled like he was untouchable the whole time he ran the bases.

That's why sometimes when a cocky defender talks too much trash on the court Steve thinks about pinning him to the floor and Shoving his dick down his throat to shut him up.

Why he'd stew in his head about Adrian Burke that whole season they were neck and neck in the standings, thinking about fucking him until he couldn't walk straight, let alone swim the 200 m butterfly. Knock him down a peg.

Which is why it is crushingly unfair that no opponent through his entire athletic career has ever needed to be put in his place more than his own goddamn team-mate does now.

Hargrove.

The new kid from California. He's always right there. He’s there in class, in the halls, on the court, in the locker room, in Steve’s dreams.

He's all over Steve, being unberably smug, and antagonistic, and golden. And wrestling is one of the few school sports Steve never really dipped a toe in, but, God, he'd consider it for a chance to make that asshole submit. To pin him to the mat and get those strong thighs wrapped around his waist, tight and squirming. Make him gasp and cry.

Make him say 'Daddy!'

No, wait. Uncle... The phrase is 'say uncle.'

repressed Steve who has fully convinced himself it's not gay to imagine having sex with dudes, it's purely a dominance thing.

And boy does he want to dominate Hargrove.

[packernet]

New Post has been published on https://www.packernet.com/blog/2023/01/03/bold-words-bold-play/

Bold words bold play

“We’re going to win. I guarantee it.”

That, the legendary prediction from Joe Namath just days before Super Bowl III. His Jets were 18-point underdogs to the Baltimore Colts. No one game them a chance. Namath’s bold words rocked the sports media and made him an object of ridicule. His confident words even irked some of his coaches and teammates.

Then, Namath and the Jets upset the mighty Colts, convincingly.

Backing it up

What is it about trash talking bulletin board material that riles us so?

Jaire Alexander made many people, his coaches and teammates included I’ll bet, uncomfortable last week when he said the Vikings Justin Jefferson’s week 1 explosion against the Packers was a “fluke.” When you look at Jefferson’s historic season and contrast it with how underwhelming Alexander and the Packers defense has been, it seemed absurd. Like an empty chirp from a cocky player.

Then, Alexander and company held the uber-talented Jefferson to the arguably worst game of his career.

Walking the walk

  The cherry on top of his shut down performance was stealing Jefferson’s “griddy” dance after a pass break-up. The guess here is he’ll be fined for that, but you have to ask why? NFL players get to do all sorts of celebrating and “acting the fool,” after a touchdown, why not for a big play at midfield? I digress.

As a kid, I loved bigger than life athletes like Namath and Muhammed Ali who made bold brags that pissed people off. Then they’d shut them up doing just what they said they would. Nothing silences a critic like backing up bold words with substance.

The Packers made Alexander the highest paid corner in NFL history last winter. For most of 2022 he hasn’t lived up to the salary. On Sunday he led and epic beat down of great rival. That’s bulletin board material you can get behind.

Great games v great players

After the game he challenged critics who called him a “good” corner, saying no, he’s a great corner. Being a great corner means doing it every Sunday, not just for a big game. Alexander needs to stack numerous games like his shutdown of Jefferson to bring substance to his words. Being not just good, but great, needs to continue Sunday night against Detroit.

[sofoulandfairaday]

The ultimate How I Met Your Mother Finale rant

I know this has been done before, and I know I'm several years late to the party, but I don't care, so IN THIS ESSAY I WILL tell you about why this finale takes the spot as the second-worst finale in TV show history (because Game of Thrones is still, to this day, unbeatable, and it will probably stay like that forever). 

But first, a little context: I've just finished binge-watching HIMYM. This binge has been going on for three days straight (my final exam of the semester is in a week and I should be studying, so the fact that the last few days were a partial waste of time makes me so mad). Second thing: I already knew how it would end, and yes, kids, it does ruin the show for you. It ruins the show so much it makes your blood boil when you rewatch certain scenes, but I will get to that. 

You might want to make yourself a drink because this is a complete list of all the reasons why HIMYM's finale sucks - I'm warning you, it's gonna be looong.

It completely invalidates the entirety of season 9

This is one of the complaints people most often have with this series, and I have to agree. It would have been so much better if the last two episodes never existed, and they just showed Barney and Robin dancing at the reception after walking out of the chapel, Ted noticing Tracy and then the platform scene. "And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother". Cut scene. Honestly, I don't get the hate people give to season 9, barring the last 2/3 episodes, especially since season 8 was so much worse (except for a few honourable mentions, like The Robin). S8 was slower, less funny, and less deep, and while the authors took a risk by making s9 happen in the span of a weekend it paid off: they took their time introducing the character of the Mother to the gang and fleshing her out. They make sure to highlight all the little ways in which Ted and Tracy are perfect for each other, and even tie up loose ends, like with the Slapsgiving episode, that was a filler but it wasn't boring to watch (although it may be problematic for different reasons, I'm not Chinese, so I can't say for sure if it's cultural appropriation or just the authors making fun of a particular movie genre). 

Some episodes were arguably great: "Daisy" was amazing, and that whole fight between Marshall and Lily was so realistic and well thought out, "Sunrise" was extremely important for Ted's character development, same goes for Tracy and "How Your Mother Met Me", "Bedtime stories" was impressive, "Rally" was incredibly funny and proved once again what a beautiful character Barney Stinson is, so much so that even Robin never has doubts that he (the guy with the biggest commitment issues on the planet) will bail on her before the wedding, and says to Ted that "he always comes back". Daphne's character is super funny and the right amount of annoying, the shenanigans of the gang are well thought out and all of the characters (not just Barney) complete their arc in this season. The last two/three episodes butcher that.

Marshall and Lily

Marshall and Lily, arguably the world's most solid couple, are the only thing this God-awful finale gets right, especially Marshall, who is my second-favourite character, that finally gets everything he deserves. But what about Lily? They never mention her career after Italy, and I refuse to believe she goes back to being a kindergarten teacher as if her year in Rome meant nothing. I also refuse to think she becomes nothing but a political wife, the equivalent of Zoey, but without saving the world. We know she has three kids, but her postpartum depression is never really talked about much and they definitely had the screentime to delve into it. 

Barney

 Where do I even begin? Barney Stinson is, without a doubt, the best character in this series, the glue of the whole gang. I think the message they were trying to give is that, since his trauma stemmed from the absence of a father figure in his life, he could only truly heal by becoming a father as well. People also say that n°31 had to stay just a number, because who could match up with Barney Stinson? First of all, I call BULSHIT on that last point, because Robin wasn't the only girl Barney could have ended up marrying. I used to think that too, but it's just not true: that is the equivalent of saying that Barney was incapable to truly love a woman and commit to her, even after all the development he got, and that he only got one shot at love in life, and that's it. This goes against the point the showrunners try to make by having Ted and Robin end up together AND by having Tracy get with Ted in the first place: "it's never too late, you always have another chance at love, etc." And, let's face it, Barney and Robin are legendary, but Barney and Nora (hell, even Barney and Quinn!) were pretty good together too. 

Second of all, if they wanted to give Barney a kid, they could have easily done that, before Barney married Robin. Barney's "redemption" starts when he gets with Robin the first time, hell maybe even when we meet James for the first time: Nora, Quinn, finding out who his father is, the episode dedicated to the lies his mum told him/finding James' father, him getting to know his own dad, etc... those are all steps along the way. The s9 episode where Barney accepts the relationship between Loretta and the reverend proves how far he's come. So why not give him a daughter BEFORE he proposes to Robin? Have him cheat on Nora/Quinn with n°31, giving him a relapse, and having him get closer to Robin while struggling to be a dad to Ellie. That would have been great. 

Or, you know, don't give him children. What's the point of burning the Playbook if you're going to have him write the second edition? What's the point of having him do a complete 180 in the last few scenes and acting like having a kid is the only��thing that makes him change? What's the point of doing that when the show spends entire episodes berating Marshall and Lily for "changing too much" when they have a kid?

Also, Barney is the "challenge accepted" guy. He loves his wife so much, he spent years wanting her, and then he gives up because there is no WiFi in his hotel. How does that make any sense at all? This is Barney Stinson, the "I will fly out to San Francisco and buy Lily a plane ticket", the "I will steal every girl from my best friend just to save him for Lily", the guy that wrote the Playbook (it takes effort to pull those plays off), the guy that planned for weeks his proposal, the guy that waited years to get back at the man who stole his first girlfriend, the guy that makes every night legendary... are you telling me that that guy becomes the equivalent of a bored housewife instead of living his best life while travelling the world? Come on. They don't even try to make it believable.

Ted

While watching seasons 7 and 8, I felt that Ted was becoming the worst character on the show: he was boring, depressed, basically had no good storylines, the whole thing with Victoria was pointless and inconclusive (and the whole "stop being in love with Robin" was completely out of character for her), but whatever, we could have accepted that because it passed the message that two people could be good together, without being soulmates - which, by the way, renders the TedxRobin ship pointless, because they were right for each other, but Ted and Tracy were soulmates. Him being hung up on Robin in the latter seasons is almost pathetic, and the thing he does with the locket is insane, not romantic - BUT I will say this: it can be seen in two ways, depending on who's watching. I personally like the two as friends, so I see the whole thing as a "Dahmer" situation, but I get the people who see it as a "Dobler" one and see what he did as a grand romantic gesture. 

The problem, though, is that the whole TedxRobin ship gets pretty old, pretty fast: it's an annoying on-and-off thing, that should have ended with the locket. Because, yes, Ted was in a dark moment, yes, he was probably depressed, yes, he thought Robin was his only shot at happiness, but he changes during season nine! He spends entire episodes letting go of Robin, including the one where she transforms into a balloon and flies away. Ted is the good guy, ultimately. He is the guy that is genuinely happy for his best friends. In one of the deleted scenes from the finale, he meets Robin years later and says that he's so happy with Tracy he never thought about Robin in that way anymore. All of that gets thrown in the trash. Why do that? To use a Harry Potter metaphor, Ted is Severus Snape, while Barney is James Potter: the former loved the girl of his dreams with all his heart, even to the point of creepiness, but they weren't meant to be together. 

Robin

This, along with the next point, is the worst of all: Robin is the worst character of the entire finale. Her relationship with Ted in season 2 is wonderful, and I say that as a full-on Barney/Robin shipper. There was never a problem in their relationship, apparently, but they then break up because they have an "expiration date" and ultimately want different things in life. Except that Ted is not her soulmate. The only times when Robin wants Ted are the times where (1) she can't have him because he's either trying to move on or (2) the times where it's convenient, for example when they become roommates again and they solve their disputes again. Around that time, we see perfectly that Ted had moved on and that the person getting hurt was Barney. It's one thing to see Ted and Robin in the finale as two people picking up where they had left off after they dated. But this is not the case. 

In season 7, we have the exchange that should have put an end to any and all TedxRobin drama, and that completely invalidates whatever the writers wrote after that about the two of them: Ted declares his love - "I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time's gonna change that. Just tell me: do you love me?" To which she answers "No". And Ted also says later to Marshall, that he's "happy because he can finally move on". 

What a load of crap. 

Getting over someone is hard, believe me, I would know. And, oftentimes, it doesn't happen until we find someone else to love (and from the moment he meets Tracy, there is no one else for Ted). But by giving Ted feelings for Robin after this moment, it takes away from the beauty of it- because it's one of the most heartbreaking feelings in the world when you declare your love to someone and they don't love you back. Ted and Robin were both honest at that moment, and it was the last genuinely good exchange between them. After that, during season 8 they try to show us Ted trying to get over her (and failing) and in season 9 Ted getting over her completely. This is also weirdly paced because at the beginning of s8 both are in happy relationships with other people and there's no jealousy (which is good, because at least they weren't toxic) and they seem just friends (when Robin leaves Nick to go see him in the middle of the night, she implies that she would do it for any of her friends), but after Ted breaks up with Veronica because of Robin everything is weirdly coated in this sort of tension between the two: first Ted loves her, but she doesn't, so when he helps her by taking her to Barney's proposal ("which means my best bro in the world has given me his blessing"). 

And, by the way, every time they try to paint Ted as the guy that comes through for Robin after this moment, they dumb down Barney's character. And still fail to make Ted a better guy than him (see: the carousel in Central Park). 

Yes, Robin and Ted have some chemistry, but it is nothing compared to what Robin and Barney have. Every time Robin is jealous of Barney, it doesn't seem like a stupid whim, just because some other child is playing with her toys (except, perhaps, during The Robin). Robin and Barney's relationship would need a whole other post, and the next time I rewatch the series I will write down all the things that make them perfect for each other, but, to me, the biggest difference between the two relationships is this: in season 6, when she's not dating either one of them, Ted accuses Robin of never making him feel needed while they were together, whereas Barney praises her for it. Those are elective affinities: that's what Barney and Robin have, and what Tracy and Ted have. 

Barney and Robin have more or less the same arc: they both get over their fear of commitment and they do that with each other. Time and time again, we are told that if they're ever going to settle down, it would only be with the other. The first time they break up is honestly so stupid, and even when they are broken up, they are the best of friends, which also makes Robin's behaviour in the finale look so stupid. The way the two of them fit together is unparalleled, both in a romantic and a platonic way. 

Think about it: Robin makes Barney a better man, while she makes Ted a worse one. 

Also, the whole point that there are different seasons in life for everything gets thrown out the window: apparently, Ted and Robin (that were a couple that ultimately worked in their young twenties) are the same people in their forties.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that the two final episodes butcher Robin's arc as well: episode 23 starts with Lily saying "I want this girl to be in our lives" and we know Robin never made other friends outside of the gang, because she didn't need to, and now she walks away from everything because of fucking Ted?? This is saying "hey, Robin was only in the group for Ted, who brought her in, and now she leaves because he's not her puppy anymore". Robin was the one that was eternally indecisive between Ted and Barney and you're telling me that three years and many many life experiences later, she's still not sure? 

The point of her story is learning how to get over her fear of commitment, learning how to be there for her friends (there's an entire episode dedicated to that, and it's the one where Lily's pregnant and we meet Robin's ex-best friend in Canada), and how to balance her job and her life. Also, the way her character is treated is un-feminist and un-progressive: she becomes Ted's consolation prize. She is passive throughout s9. She cannot, ultimately, win the modern-day struggle most women have and balance out career and love life, so her true life, her "happy chapter" begins after she has already accomplished everything she wanted to and she's free for Ted. She doesn't even go back to him, she just the prize the main character wanted for all his life and only got in the end because his wife died (ONE SCENE, people, ONE SCENE!). Also, this makes Tracy the "broodmare" that gives him the kids he wanted, and his "happy family" experience before he goes to be with his one true love. 

The mother

This. This makes me so mad. One whole season spent on building up Tracy's character, just for it to go to waste. It would have been so easy to screw her up, but she is hands down the best thing about s9. She's the perfect woman for Ted and the episode shot through her perspective is the sweetest. By the end, I liked her more than Robin and Lily. She was the perfect addition to their group, she fit together with them in a perfect way, and they show us the biggest moment of her and Ted's life... for what? To have her die in a few sentences? And I don't care if they shot a funeral scene, I don't care if the finale was supposed to be 40 minutes long, because, in the end, it wasn't. The scene where Ted meets her is the second most beautiful one (after Barney's proposal to Robin) and the climax of the whole show, but they ruin her... and for what? The chemistry Ted has with her, he has with no one. The joy she brings him, the way she understands him, is unlike any other. I am sure that one of the reasons they killed her off was the shock value and I hate it. 

I cannot stress this enough: Tracy makes Ted a better person. When he's with Robin, Ted is "the nice guy" in the most selfish and narcissistic version of the trope. When he's with Tracy, love comes easy to Ted. Also, the scenes between the two of them are arguably the best Ted scenes of the show.

The kids' reactions (ugh)

It's not really what they say- it's the way they say it. The end of HIMYM was not supposed to be funny, even though the show is a sitcom. It was supposed to be bittersweet and beautiful, because it's the end of an era, and the writers must have known that. So, Ted finishes telling his story, reveals to the audience that their now-beloved Tracy is dead, and the reaction is: "No, ahah, you totally have the hots for Aunt Robin" (their words, not mine). Like, what the actual fuck? I cringed when Penny said that. It's tasteless and not fun at all. Even if it has been six years... It's still your fucking mum, show a little bit of sadness at the thought of her. 

The reason the show ended this way

What makes me especially mad is that I know for a fact that the reason they went with this ending is that it was the original one, always intended for the show, from season 2 onwards. And, if you watch it right after s2, it makes sense. But if you consider the eight years that passed and the massive character development, then no, it's not the best possible one. So many things hadn't been decided yet back in s2, especially about Barney, Ted, and Robin, and I hate that they didn't dare to scrap their work. This ending probably had sentimental meaning to the writers, but authors have to do what's best for their characters, not themselves. It's like with GoT, in a way: I think that the authors were all too aware of the impact of HIMYM and didn't believe that their finale would live up to the expectations... which compelled them to make the worst decision possible?? Every single character is OOC during the episode. Oh, and Marshall and Lily moving in the last episode is a ripoff from Friends (or maybe a tribute? Idk). Anyway, I believe that the authors were too attached to their sentimental version of "what should have been" and didn't give the characters the endings they truly deserved.

"Life works this way" // "Life only moves forward"

Some people say that the show is realistic because that's how life works. But I call super-BS on that. That might be true, and yes, people do get sick and die (Max, Marshall's dad...) and life does go on. But then, you don't frame it the way they did. It's just bad storytelling if you do it like that. And the problem is not the structure of season 9, because the characters develop in that season. The problem isn't even the mother's death. The problem is Ted ending up with Robin because that's not life moving forward for him, that's him, doing the same thing he did in 2005, 25 (twenty-fucking-five) years before! 

In conclusion, this finale is incoherent and inconclusive, and not satisfying at all. The only character that gets a good ending is Marshall: why is that? What makes his ending great? It's the fact that his character arc is respected and he finally gets what he's been working towards for more than ten years.

[itsclydebitches]

About Bakugo, I actually think his original characterization is partly why his arc doesn't work for me: it seems like his contempt for others and desire to hurt them is innate, because he was already insulting and humiliating Deku for fun when they were in kindergarden, and at this age I'm not sure it makes sense to blame the adults around him for this behavior. This is also why I don't buy the "childhood friends" narrative, even before the infamous river scene Bakugo was toxic to Deku.

Hard agree, anon. I'm willing to give some wiggle room to the "Bakugo had a messy childhood and that's why he's like this" argument just because I'm not caught up (and thus might be missing some flashbacks/revelations), no one's life is ever perfect, and there's a subjective line between what we read as innocuous tropes vs. realistic traumas (example: is his mom hitting him something we take seriously, or just classic anime "comedy"?), but honestly I'm... not persuaded by that stance. Largely due to what you've said about this contempt being around since the very beginning. Bakugo's cruelty is the introduction to the entire series, the very first thing we see:

First, they're young here. Maybe not kindergarten young, but as we see in the above narration, it's at age four that Bakugo acquired his "I'm the best" thinking (more on that in a second). They're kids. This is not something that developed slowly over the years until Bakugo crossed some kind of line, he's been like this since the very start. Since a kid is capable of forming thoughts, opinions, and making decisions: like attacking another. In what way does this establish them as friends? Izuku literally shaking as he tries to protect another kid Bakugo is has hurt? Bakugo calling him worthless? Gleefully attacking and punching Izuku in the face? They were never friends! Izuku followed Bakugo around because he was paid some kind of attention by him and Bakugo poisoned the well — no one else in class will befriend Izuku. We see this both by the two willing to help beat him up here and, later, when Izuku says he wants to got to U.A. the entire class laughs at both the idea and Bakugo blowing up his desk in response. The bullying is the only kind of "friendship" Izuku has, so he embraces it with a smile and a nickname. Meanwhile, Bakugo allows Izuku to tag along because he makes him feel good in comparison. All Bakugo needs for an ego boost is to look at Izuku. He's the useless, quirkless nobody whose name can be read as "Deku." What's not to like? Izuku makes Bakugo feel good because Bakugo will always come out on top — always win — when pit against him. Did they have a few good moments gushing over All Might? Yeah, but anyone who has been bullied knows that it's not a clear cut "They were consistently awful every second of every day." Sometimes, those moments of pretend or conditional friendship make everything worse.

(As a side note, I keep hearing the more intense fans of Bakugo saying that those who criticize him identify with Izuku "too much" and it's like... yes? He's the protagonist. You're supposed to identify with him. To say nothing of the question of why you'd include such an explicit bullying subplot — arguably at the heart of the narrative in regards to characterization — if you didn't want readers who had experienced bullying to relate to this story. So it's all about victims like Izuku, you're allowed to care, just don't care in a way that holds Bakugo responsible?)

"But Izuku cares about Bakugo. He tried to help him out of the river." Yeah, because Izuku cares about everyone. Overlooking his warped idea of what friendship is due to having no one but Bakugo, Izuku is the kind of person who is going to extend his hand to anyone who needs it, just like All Might would. His extreme compassion and lack of other friends is not good proof that he cares for Bakugo in any true, healthy fashion, let alone that Bakugo cares for him.

As for when this all started, yeah, it was when they were even younger than in the scene above. Toddlers when Bakugo realized he had a strong quirk and Izuku was told he had none. Bakugo's reaction to these events — deciding he's better than everyone else and that justifies harming those "lesser" than him — is instantaneous. That desire was there all along. He just needed an excuse to act on it. After the conversations about the adults' influence on him, I went back to the anime scenes of Bakugo showing his quirk to his class and it's... pretty normal? I mean yes, there's praise, but in what world wouldn't there be praise? A bunch of other kids are going to ooh and ahh over mini explosions and the two teachers, unless they're entirely heartless, are going to tell this kid that he'll indeed make a wonderful hero someday. Those are standard responses for very young kids who aren't going to understand something like, "That is a powerful quirk and you could be a great hero... just don't let that potential go to your head!" There's nothing in those scenes that imply an excess of praise, at least so much that it would totally warp a kid's perspective of others to the extent Bakugo has going on. If I recall correctly, Bakugo's parents are quite disappointed in his behavior, but that never had an impact on him. And as I mentioned previously, we have incredibly talented characters like Momo (getting into U.A. on recommendation), people like Ida who come from families with other heroes they want to impress, Todoroki dealing with a crazy legacy to live up to, tied up in his abuse... yet none of them turned out like Bakugo. All of that didn't kill their compassion, but adults telling Bakugo he has a strong quirk made him into this person? Bakugo wanted to be that person, right from the start.

Honestly, I think a lot of fans latched onto Bakugo — which is awesome! — but didn't want to admit how horrible he actually is. So they took moments largely out of context and repeated them enough until they became fandom staples. Bakugo and Izuku were close childhood friends who just had a falling out they need to come back from. Bakugo was only like this because the adults in his life drove him to that behavior. Izuku loves Bakugo because he can see how good he is, deep down inside, and definitely not because he's been stuck with him since they were toddlers, unable to escape him even at U.A. It's a very sanitized look at their relationship, embraced because fans want them to be friends or lovers. Which is fine! God knows I'm into a ton of "problematic" ships, I just like acknowledging that they're problematic, not trying to sweeten the situation because fandoms have made others feel guilty for liking anything that's not squeaky clean and pure. Bakugo tormented Izuku for their entire childhood. He encouraged him to commit suicide. He tried to keep him from achieving his dream, both by undermining his confidence and outright threatening him (remember burning his shoulder?). He then reworked that obsession when they both got into U.A., trying to prove Izuku's uselessness, failing, and continually struggling with the thought that he's actually a great hero. And it's like... why do I care? This guy is a horrible person, he's been a horrible person since he was a kid, and his greatest challenge for more than half the story is acknowledging that other people aren't worthless trash. His improvement still hasn't gotten him to the standard of an average person, let alone a hero. If Bakugo were a villain, great, or if the story was going to really highlight the corruption of the hero career as a whole (we take anyone with powerful quirks, no matter how awful they are), great, but as a main character hero whose behavior is supposedly just a cover for a fantastic guy, please overlook everything he does and assume he's worthy of your respect anyway? Ehhh. Why do I care about him as a good guy when there are characters like Ida and Uraraka I could stan? To be clear, I'm not saying other fans can't enjoy whatever characters they enjoy, just that from a storytelling perspective I think it's a failure to introduce Bakugo as such an extreme, make him one of the heroes, give him such a selfish struggle, and then expect a lot of the audience to care. Bakugo either needed to be more balanced from the start — regular flaws instead of such an intense adoration for cruelty from the age of four — or the story needed to unpack his behavior in a way it never bothered to.

[tirsynni]

Okay, Darkside Chronicles Krauser is just neat. We have this career, grizzled soldier who probably believes that he’s seen the worst war has to offer. He is fully aware that his government views him as a disposable grunt. He is fully aware that his strength has carried him through countless battles where others have perished. 

Then he’s introduced to the world of BOWs and he admits that it scares the shit out of him. This is beyond anything he’s ever faced. Before, he was fearless, well aware that he’s been able to destroy everything he’s faced before. Honestly, the only thing that has been able to control him is the government, and he is aware of that and that enforced helplessness.

As it progresses and he struggles against the BOWs like he’s never struggled against anything prior, he grows more aware of his weakness and the power of the viruses. What he needs to truly tip him over is to see that someone can actually control that power.

Then he does! He sees Manuela do it and remain human. He sees that it’s possible. He sees that it’s possible after gaining a career-ending injury. All of the power previously denied him wide open. What is his other choice? Being tossed out with the trash? Hell no!

He didn’t come into this like Leon. Different perspectives aside, Leon’s first experience with BOWs was traumatizing and horrific, focused on loss. The loss of lives, the loss of the life he was supposed to live, the man losing his daughter and wife, the loss of a city. He was young and hopeful and Raccoon City burned his hopes and dreams.

Krauser was already a career soldier, a man paid by the government to kill people, someone who knew he was viewed as disposable, who was taught to view other people the same way. His viewpoint, bolstered by his job and how he was treated, elevated power above other things, because that was what gave the people above him the right to order him around and what kept some people alive while other people died. Of course he wouldn’t view the virus like a negative thing. Why should he? 

In the same sense, he keeps Leon elevated, too. He views them on opposite sides but “of the same coin.” Leon had proven he has political power by acting on presidential orders but has also proven that he has Krauser’s version of power: surviving in Raccoon City and then fighting the BOWs alongside Krauser. He remains worthy, as shown by how Krauser treated him like an equal in RE4 -- meeting him on the battlefield, fighting him directly, talking to him, fucking flirting in a way he knew Leon could match aka a fucking knife fight -- but Krauser’s aware (arguably in the same manner as Ada) that Leon will always remain on the opposite side. In one line Krauser calls Leon a coward for his “fear of the virus,” but how much he believes that is true is debatable as it came up while he was going nuts over the possibilities... and honestly, if he thinks Leon is just afraid of it, it does open the doors for him trying to convince Leon to stop being afraid and to join him.

(Seriously, Krauser should have survived and been another Ada. C’mon.)

But the perspective is neat. He isn’t like the others who automatically look at the virus and go “hell no,” and he shouldn’t be. It doesn’t match him at all. His intro to the world of BOWs, his realization of his own weakness, and his career-ending injury set him clearly on the path leading to Wesker, and I love that.

(Also, Leon’s ongoing monologue about the Veronica virus? Yeah. Don’t think he’s talking about viruses at all but about the people and the perspectives which make them, which makes Krauser’s opposing viewpoint and Leon’s obliviousness to it painful. Leon probably isn’t even capable of thinking that someone he fought with and was friends with could possibly be in the same battle as him and look at the virus like it’s a good thing instead of the abomination it is.)

[electricleclerc]

OOOO ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER CONTROVERSIAL OPINION FROM MOI

this time it is about the hamilton vs schumacher debate (scary i know)

now let me preface: i grew up watching schumi in ferrari for my entire childhood, he made me fall in love with f1, both him and lewis are absolute legends in the sport.

OKAY

i believe that schumacher will go down as one of if not THE greatest driver in history, no matter if lewis breaks his records or not.

i say this because, especially after watching the schumacher doc (I WAS YOUNG OKAY I DONT REMEMBER THE POLITICS OF IT ALL WHEN I WAS A BABY) it made me realise how much schumacher enjoying battling, fighting for titles, and having genuine competition on track.

and it made his driving style better because of it. he learned from his competitors.

even watching schumi in karts, his driving is so incredibly smooth, almost no twitching in the car, and even when it did twitch it never really looked out of control, which definitely aided in his fighting in battles.

AND IM NOT SAYING LEWIS DOESNT ENJOY FIGHTING ON TRACK, what i’m saying is that this is only really the 2nd or 3rd time in his career where he’s really having to FIGHT for a title (2008 and 2016 are the outliers)

yet despite having an AMAZING title fight, he’s more involved in the ‘politics’ of f1, less of the sort of ‘trash talk’ we got during schumi era, but more so the ‘bad mouthing behind their back’ side of it

but even taking politics completely out of it.

Once Lewis retires we will never see him in F1 again. that i am very confident in, Lewis would never pull a 2010 Schumacher, simply because he wants to be winning, he doesn’t want to be fighting for points, and i’m not saying that discounts him as a driver, but i genuinely believe having that sort of ‘fighting’ spirit is what makes a driver one of the best, it’s again and again proving yourself in sub-par machinery (that arguably lewis has never had) AND THAT IS NOT HIS FAULT,

it’s wanting and having that drive to be really FIGHTING for victory VS having the mindset of ‘i want to dominate and will not accept less than’

it feels contradictory saying that lewis is one of the best of all time when he was thrown into the fastest car and never having a real fight for his title, or even race wins, by having that sort of domination, it doesn’t prove anything about your driving ability.

it proves that you have good timing and make good ‘investments’

however lewis will still go down as one of the most successful racing drivers of all time, and it is an amazing accomplishment and i am in NO WAY trying to discredit him.

I am saying that i think Schumacher’s 7 WDCs and Hamilton’s 7 WDCs hold very different weights.

and for me, schumi will always be one of, if not the best. No matter the numbers.

but what the hell do i know? my favourite driver can’t even fucking wink.

[starsarestars]

Rocco HCs because I love writing manifestos and redemption arcs for my green eyed long haired men with no tact whatsoever:

Post show was rough for the poor bastard - he was completely lambasted by the press and social media and I’m ngl it definitely did a massive detriment to his confidence and sense of self. I think he hammed up the whole laddish lothario thing because he thought that was what he was supposed to do, but his mum raised him differently and when I tell you her being disappointed in him for it has him hurtin 😢 Like obviously he’s immature and a bit of an arse, but the fall out from that is arguably worse than what happened after he dropped out of Uni and changed his name because his Mum is VERY much aware of the type of shit Rocco has essentially put himself within the scope of. I can imagine her to be a sensible, middle class slightly older woman who’s probably got a stable career in something cushy and raised Rocco with the mindset that the best thing he can do is seek out stability and find a job that’ll be enough to get him a house just to make it so that the rug isn’t pulled from under him and that he’s not going to struggle. To say she’s surprised by what unfolds when he drops his student loan on a fucking van is a complete understatement, but there was sort of an inclination towards it because...

Rocco was that fucking emo cousin! Not only did I make Rocco’s fc Aaron Taylor Johnson because I think that mf is a baddie, I also did it because holy shit!!! Emo Rocco content!!! I just know that motherfucker wails along to I’m Not Okay in his van on the road. My king was cyberbullying and trashing Henrik’s Halsey tumblr blog all the way back in 2015 because he’s an OG emo trinity purist and spent his spare time either losing his mind over copies of Kerrang! or absolutely fucking his hair up straightening it to a crisp. Rocco being a reformed emo tracks and I won’t accept constructive criticism.

*skip if uncomfortable by mention of Pandemic etc.*

Lockdown was a turning point, I think. I know we all kinda joke about him being an Anti-Vaxxer Covidiot who doesn’t believe in masks or the proper measures being put in place but more conversely what if Rocco, having known more than anybody what it’s like to deal with isolation and how anxiety inducing it is, actually uses his platform and the means he has to do good? What if he offered care packages and food deliveries for vulnerable people who weren’t able to leave the house and was just really advocating for people’s mental health during lockdown on social media? It’s not exactly uncommon for islanders to raise awareness (I.E Doctor Alex) but I’d like to think that it’s been a time of reflection and growth for him, he’s bettering himself and he’s even taken up counselling via Zoom to break toxic habits and to finally seek help in a way that has him addressing his problems rather than running away from them.

My main gripe with FB and how they handled Rocco was that they used him as a punchline all the while giving him this really compelling backstory. Lottie ignoring him and trying to make the others push him out is completely reminiscent of what made him spiral mentally and I can’t believe it was even a choice for MC to partake in that knowing just how detrimental it was to him. Is he a bit immature and thottily inclined? Yes! But does that make him a bad person worthy of ridicule 25/8? NO! Also I kinda thought that the part at the start if mc says she likes Marisol the most where he goes “maybe that’s something I’m interested in too.” And looks at the lads was inferring that he was Bisexual? Maybe I read it wrong but yeah Rocco is bisexual fuck Fusebox.

[mundungs]

ϟ.  → robert sheehan : genderfluid : he/they/she : dealer of illicit objects and substances : the raven by the alan parsons project ϟ  did you see mundungus fletcher ? you know ,  31 year old halfblood who was formally in ravenclaw. some say dung can be quite furtive but are known to be unreliable. they are aligned with the order .  maybe that’s why they remind me of naming stray cats, flicking a lighter over and over again, falling asleep on the subway. ϟ 

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ciannán o’donnell is a flighty man, one of many relationships and flings and little loyalty, and so his affair with maeve fletcher does not last long. when she tells him she is pregnant, he moves on to a different woman, and maeve has her son alone, with her sister on her side. and thus, mundungus is born (and giving an arguably atrocious name).

he grows up with his mum – a halfblooded witch and by far his favourite person in the world – in limerick, attending muggle school there. he knew who his dad was, but wasn’t quite sure how to feel about — his father is a criminal, a prominent member of the irish mob. 

he meets his dad for the first time at age seven, and was nothing but impressed. his dad showered him with gifts, his mum watching with a furious look on her face but biting her tongue. that moment was a switch for mundungus; he felt the need to impress his dad. he stole some sweets from a store on his way home from school a week later, fished some pennies out of the pockets of his classmates a few months later. when he phoned his dad to tell him, his laugh was warm and filled with life. his relationship with his dad got better as his behaviour got worse. the thrill of stealing, of doing stuff he wasn’t supposed to, lit him not only on fire because it was exciting, but also because he knew his dad would adore it. 

but ciannan, a flighty man, pushes and pulls. and so mundungus was fed disappointment by his father, liking love off a shiny knife rather than a spoon ( silver or plastic, what the fuck does it matter ). details omitted, long story made short: his dad sucks and his mother tries, but mundungus is pulled towards that what smells of danger.

DRUGS MENT. at hogwarts, dung is sorted into ravenclaw. not at all the booksmart type, he falls more into the chaotic-creativity, random-bursts-of-wanting-to-learn-everything-about-something type of ravenclaw. there’s two worlds, then: the muggle world, where he slowly dips his water further in criminal waters, and the wizarding one, where he’s chaotic and messy but a student. when he grows older, these overlap: dung starts selling some of his dad’s weed at hogwarts, and soon gains a reputation of being able to get people less-than-legal shit. 

not getting high off your own supply is not a sentiment he agrees with. not then, not later, not now. dung is fun, always in for a party and willing to supply the goods to throw it. if some rich purebloods lose a few galleons at said party, well, it sure isn’t him! END OF TW

he graduates with two newts, in herbology and potions, failing his dada and charms exams. he’s not an academic.

falling into the family business after graduation is easy. mundungus is attracted by the criminal underworld, both that of muggle ireland and that of the wizarding world. knockturn alley was a place frequented in teenage years, but now becomes more his place. he makes connections, exchanges strange potion recipes for other things. makes an odd wager on a bunch of stolen brass scales and turns a profit. 

a career is not something that interests him; he is more interested in bending rules and making quick money. thievery, selling illegal shit, heists, fraud, fuck-all. mundungus is not limited by one descriptor, one kind of criminality. he just does what he wants and hopes to make a good penny.

but then he almost gets sent to azkaban over some, in his frank opinion, bullshit. it’s dumbledore who talks the wizengamot out of it, saddling dung up with some community service and persuading him towards the order. he’s twenty three. the war is still fresh. he has no interest in it, but he owes the old man. fine.

mundungus does vehemently oppose blood purity and any kind of discriminatory ideals, an anarchist in his very bones, but he is also cowardly. to side with self-proclaimed rebels is not in his blood and yet it’s where he ends up, bringing shady ties to the underworld to the table and a sheer ability to sneak around and fuck the law. and maybe, amidst the ranks of the order, dung finds something he’s not very familiar with: a large family. and dung? well, he’s the stoner, gay, super-fucking-chaotic cousin.

personality

if jesper fahey and kaz brekker had a child, it would be dung. 

other character parallels: fezco ( euphoria ), boris ( the goldfinch ), doug judy ( b99 ), jason mendoza ( the good place ), chris miles ( skins ),  nick miller ( new girl ), creed bratton ( the office ), scott lang ( marvel ), lillian ( unbreakable kimmy schmidt )

technically he’s homeless. he’s got a bedroom at his ma’s place, has a ton of squatter connects in the muggle scene and couch surfes aplenty, but dung doesn’t rent a place. why? landlords are evil. he could afford a place, just doesn’t see the point. life’s better with some adventure.

appears very neutral in public as it’s beneficial to his role in the order??? 

.... tortured artist. writes poetry and loves to draw and paint. 

tattooed the fuck up. some are his own designs.

can usually be spotted wearing The Coat, a rly expensive, vintage long coat that he once stole of a pureblood. he’s enlarged the pockets with some handy spellwork and pretty much carries everything he owes in there, like his produce and his money and his second pair of shoes and his art supplies and probably some random trash. 

loves animals. he loves stray cats especially <3 they are his kin. 

an anarchist. a bit of a punk. a deep idealist with a cowardly heart so constantly betraying himself (and sometimes others?)

queer! enby! genderfluid! i used he/him pronouns throughout this intro but dung truly doesn’t give a damn what u use. loves to dress up in feminine clothes. 

has a ton of aliases, lol, the most important one being marigold fincher. 

cusses too fuckin much to be healthy :/

oh no he is a big sad insecure kid deep inside :/ dont tell anyone how embarrassing!!!! shhhh!! it’s a secret.

quick connection ideas

victim. wow please. if your character is rich. let me steal from u. pick ur pockets. break into ur house. get some of ur stuff and drop it on the black market. 

customer. dung sells. whatever u need. drugs. weird magical things. ask and ye shall receive. his prices are whack but he does deliver <3

pal. party friends! order friends! random encounter friends! dung has a trashmouth and loves to talk pls let him chat u up and u will never be rid of him <3

couch. he couch surfs. a lot. if ur character trusts dung enough to let him into their home (which they shouldnt) then pls let him sleep over for a night. he will leave a strangely expensive necklace on ur kitchen table as a thank u. or wilted flowers. no in between.

skeptic. ur char is in the order and thinks dung is a liability and maybe they have a point. a point mundungus would rather not face :)

dmle bitches. dung hates anyone authoritative but esp the coppers at the ministry (hit wix & aurors) (yea he calls them coppers sorry he doesnt respect them enough to call them aurors <3). give me that doug judy/jake peralta dynamic. or just someone in the dmle who is like ... sigh this guy again??? 

fwb/one night stand/fling/etc. he’s a bit slutty <333 give him some ppl he’s hooked up with / will hook up with.

[concussed-to-pieces]

Stay Safe Part Five: Dark Past

Fandom: The Mandalorian [Star Wars]

Pairing: Eventual Mandalorian [Din Djarin]/Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: At last, broskis! We have come to what is arguably my favorite episode thus far. I hope this installment is to your satisfaction. Enjoy!

Tag List: @huliabitch @wrestlingfae @toxiicpop @helplessly-nonstop @culturalrebel @literal-fand0m-trash @sinnamon-bunn @fioccodineveautunnale @hxldmxdxwn @lizajane3 @thewaythisis @nellyneko @absurdthirst

Part One: Should Have Known Better

Part Two: Tranquil Turmoil

Part Three: Vibroblade Mettle

Part Four: Reaching Out

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains allusions to PTSD, and vividly vague mentions of past trauma. Stay safe!]

"The worst possible thing has finally happened." You announced, thumping your head against the empty shelf. "We're all out of the nutrient paste. Y'know, the good one." You glanced over at the armored man, who was currently sorting through another one of his many crates. "This is the end. I'll have to go back to aurelac mining just to eke out a living." You continued, dramatically slumping to the floor. 

You were only half-joking, of course. The variety of food was waning, but at least there was still sustenance to be had. The real issue was credits, or the lack thereof. Nutrient paste wouldn't buy repairs.

"No. No mining. I need all my appendages." The Mandalorian mumbled, his mind clearly elsewhere. He roused himself after a moment, looking over at you. "It's not that bad, we still have some reserves." He said, gesturing vaguely at the small pile of dented cans and faded-looking tubes beside him on the deck. "I'll...I'll get in touch with someone."

"It's too late for us, my metalline companion. You must...take the child…"

"You keep these antics up and I'll sell you to the Hutts." The Mandalorian teased, reaching out to squeeze your chin playfully. "Bet they'd offer me good credits for you, what with your strong back and skills with the younglings." You could hear his smile and your heart tripped a little.

"You would sell me?!" You gasped, pretending to reel with shock. "This betrayal will not stand. Avenge me, child!" You flung a hand out towards the baby, who stared at it for several seconds wide-eyed before proceeding to gnaw gently on your index. "There, you see that? They are swearing a blood oath to free me from your cruelty."

"Uh huh." The Mandalorian didn't sound particularly convinced, his hand still cupping your chin. For whatever reason, you got the impression that he was mulling something over in his mind. Something a little heavier than your lighthearted joking with the child.

"Are you alright?" You asked softly after a minute, putting your hand over his own.  

He started at the sound of your voice, jerking his gauntlet away like your touch had burned him. You tried not to let it get to you. It might be that he just didn't like being touched; it was entirely within his right to shy away.

"I'm...yeah." He assured you, grabbing the lip of the crate to haul himself upright with a grunt. "There's just--it's complicated. I've got an idea, I don't know…" he trailed off.

"What's the problem? Talk to me, maybe I can help."

Instead of answering, the man headed up the ladder into the cockpit. You dusted your knees off and hoisted the child, clambering up the ladder one-handed in pursuit of the armored man.

The Mandalorian had apparently begun calculating new coordinates, the sextant whirring to life as he cycled through the charts. "We're going to see an old friend of mine." He announced from his position in the pilot's seat.

"Why do I feel like you don't mean an actual friend?" The armored man yet again didn't deign to answer you immediately and you groaned, setting the child down on the co-pilot seat and stretching your arms out over your head. 

"He owes me a favor."

"Mm, what kind?"

"The kind that I can get payment out of." The Mandalorian said curtly.

"You don't seem to be too excited to visit this friend of yours."

"Things have changed since the last time we worked together." His words were quiet, contemplative. "There were...a lot of jobs I did back then that I wouldn't touch now."

It hadn't occurred to you that he had fallen into bounty hunting as a cleaner occupation. What could he have been involved in that made collecting dangerous, often violent criminals for a living seem like the better career path? Maker, you wanted to ask, the curiosity burned at you. But if you had learned anything about the stoic man in the time that you had spent traveling together, it was that he only spoke when he saw fit to. 

"I want you and the kid in the bunk for the duration of these negotiations." He muttered after several minutes of silence. "These are rough people and I don't need any distractions."

He didn't mention Calican by name and you were grateful for that much. It stung a little that he still considered you a distraction after that tense standoff. Nuisance. You nodded all the same, focused on the floor plating. "I understand." 

You could say that you did, anyway.

Fake it 'til you make it, I guess.

...

You got the feeling that something may have gone a bit funny in the negotiations. The Mandalorian hadn't mentioned anything about having to use his own ship for the job.

You could hear muffled voices on the other side of the bunk's shutter, and you had departed the station ages ago. Where were you headed?

There was a sudden, hollow rattle from the outside. Beskar. He had moved quickly, for whatever reason. It was a strange comfort to know that he wasn't in the cockpit, but here in the hold keeping an eye on the individuals he was working with. Though that begged the question of who might be piloting the craft.

Something large struck the wall beside the shutter with a dull boom, the impact making you jump. What were they doing out there? You moved your eyes from the wall back down to the child, who had just rolled their ball to you yet again.

Another impact, and this time there was a loud beep! That was the lock for the retractor on the bunk hatch, which meant--

The bunk shutter slid up into the ceiling, revealing yourself and the baby sitting on the bed. You paused mid-motion, raising an imperious eyebrow at the motley crew of characters that filled the hold. 

An eternal second passed where a bald human man, a Twi'lek woman, a large Devaronian and the Mandalorian just...gawked at you.

"Sweetheart, you didn't tell me we were having guests!" You exclaimed in feigned surprise, doing your best to appear like you weren't scrambling to figure out a solution to this problem. "I would have picked the place up if I had known!"

Fake it 'til you make it, right? 

The Mandalorian stayed stock-still as you climbed out of the bunk, the child secure in your arms. "I'm so sorry about the state of the hold, everyone." You apologized profusely with a bow, "it's difficult to keep everything tidy. Little ones, you know how they are!" The hulking Devaronian who was half-in, half-out of the refresher appeared downright flummoxed when you brushed past him to stand by the Mandalorian, while the bald man across the way quickly adopted a calculating look. 

"Is this yours, Mando? Did you two make this?" He asked, grinning broadly as he got to his feet. "Look at you! Look at those ears!" He chuckled, moving in to fawn over said ears on the child. "Can I hold him?"

"I'd really rather you-" In a clean jerk of movement, he swept the baby out of your arms. "-Didn't." You finished, less scared and more irritated now. Just who did this guy think he was?!

The Twi'lek woman, who had been silent up until this point, started to giggle quietly to herself. The noise set your teeth on edge, to say nothing of the openly hostile look she was giving the Mandalorian. "I didn't take you for the type, Mando." She crooned, a small knife winding its way back and forth between her deft fingers. "Maybe that code of yours has made you soft." You knew an insult when you heard it, and you wondered what history the Mandalorian might share with her to warrant such a caustic reaction.

You could feel the tension rolling off of the Mandalorian in waves while the bald man toyed with the child. You took in the bracer of pistols he wore and your stomach twisted with nerves. The last thing you needed was more blasters near the child. "Me, I could never really get into the idea of havin' kids. Didn't have the temperament for it." The man remarked, "patience, y'know."

The baby's face scrunched up threateningly, heralding a deafening wail of distress. "Oh, quick, let me see him, he's going to pitch a fit." You said hurriedly.

No sooner had you stepped forward to take the child back (possibly by force) than an unfamiliar mechanical voice announced, "dropping out of hyperspace...now."

You barely managed to snatch the baby away from the bald man before everyone in the hold was thrown off their feet, the whole ship rolling under the strain of the abrupt change in navigation.

"Commencing final approach...now."

You stayed where you landed and clutched the child tight to your chest, ducking your head in case some of the cargo pulled loose. The ship banked hard and your body slid sideways on the floor.

"Cloaking signal...now."

Metal hit the deck on either side of you with a stereo clang!, making the child start to bawl but preventing you from sliding any further. An armored thigh plowed roughly between your legs and your eyes sprang open on reflex, sighing in relief when you were greeted with the familiar sight of the Mandalorian's visor. "Don't move." He muttered as the ship continued to pitch and sway.

You nodded, more than content to stay exactly where you were. His body caged in your own, solidly-armored form providing shelter for both you and the child. "Thank you." You breathed.

He merely shrugged in reply.

"Engaging coupling...now." The voice intoned overhead. The Crest plummeted and the Mandalorian swore under his breath, bracing himself on his forearms as his body was pushed down against your own from the force of the drop. The ship finally came to a stop with a rough shudder that made your teeth rattle in your skull. 

"Coupling confirmed. We are down. And relax. Commence extraction now."

The Mandalorian propped himself up with one arm, curling his other protectively around you and the squalling child. "Everyone alright?" He rasped after a few seconds had passed. "Status report."

"That useless droid didn't even give us a proper countdown!" The Twi'lek spat, getting shakily to her feet.

"It's a droid, Xi'an. Y' expect too much. Now, are you two gonna' be able to be friends during this or am I gonna' have to put you in time out?" The bald man inquired, gesturing between the Mandalorian and the Devaronian. "Remember Burg, Mando let us use his ship."

"Al-right Mayfeld." The large man groused, struggling to extract himself from the refresher. "But you had better shut up that baby before I make it into a snack."

Your body tensed at his threat and you heard the Mandalorian chamber a round for his flamethrower, the click deafeningly loud in the relative quiet of the hold. 

"Easy, easy. Burg, you gotta' be respectful." The bald man stressed the word, shooting you an apologetic grimace. "Flyin' makes him anxious."

"Making me anxious too." You managed to get out, using the hem of your tunic to mop some of the tears off of the kid's face. They had faded into sniffling and snorting, worn out from the scare and subsequent bumpy ride. You moved to sit up and the Mandalorian shifted back onto his haunches, one hand on your shoulder. You patted his hand and he squeezed gently before he rose to stand once more.

Mayfeld called up the ladder, "Z, are you sure they can't see us?"

"The Razor Crest is scrambling our signature, and I am inside the prison system. It's impressive that this gunship had survived the Empire without being impounded." The automated voice replied from the cockpit.

"Alright we got a job to do. Mando! You're up." The bald man ordered, gesturing at the floor port.

You saw the brief hesitation where the Mandalorian considered not obeying, but then he heaved a sigh and started rummaging around for something in one of the many crates.

"So, he never takes that thing off?" Mayfeld asked curiously as the Mandalorian crouched to work on the hatch encryption.

"Never. And I wouldn't ask him to." You replied firmly, bouncing the still-whimpering child on your hip. 

"You don't know his name or what he looks like, and you're bumpin' uglies with him?" Mayfeld's incredulous tone made you wish the ground would swallow you. "That's nuts."

"I know him. That's really what's important in a relationship, isn't it?" You posited cooly, spying the Mandalorian squaring his shoulders underneath his cloak. Whether he did it consciously or not, it was a little humorous to see someone as stoic as he was blatantly preening. "Knowing a person has always been about way more than just knowing their name or what they look like. Knowing a person is…" You paused thoughtfully, keenly aware of the daggers Xi'an was glaring at you. "Well, there's just more to it that a lot of people don't seem to understand."

"Oh you'll fit right in with their merry little band of Creed-followers." The Twi'lek woman murmured, her tone sarcastic as she enquired, "I suppose you'll be getting your helmet fitted shortly?"

"Why do you think I'm doing this job in the first place?" The Mandalorian growled. No one was caught more off-guard than you, and you barely managed to stop yourself from shooting Xi'an a smug smile. "Beskar isn't cheap." He continued, free hand reaching back to wrap carefully around your ankle. "Plus, I'd have to surrender a piece of my beskar to be smelted in with their new helmet's beskar." He tapped his scored breastplate with the crypto device, which carried on beeping. "Need a lot more wear and tear than this before I can justify that level of commitment."

It was a legitimate struggle to keep from laughing out loud at Mayfeld's continued expression of bewilderment. "You Mandalorian guys are even more ridiculous than I thought." He muttered as the crypto pinged.

The hatch slid open with a soft click, and the Mandalorian got back to his feet to coil and stow the cabled device. 

After some light bickering amongst the group, Mayfeld graciously agreed to go first. "You better hang onto this one, Mando." He joked, whacking a hand into the armored man's pauldron and then gesturing up and down at you. "Otherwise, I may just steal 'em for myself. If they're crazy enough to get freaky with you, maybe they'll settle for a guy who's a little more...normal." The smile he directed at you didn't reach his eyes, all teeth like a hungry animal.

You chose to heroically ignore his attempt at teasing you or inciting wrath in your 'partner'. "Stay safe, love." You crooned sweetly, deliberately attempting to be as saccharine as possible while you perched up on your tiptoes to touch your forehead to the Mandalorian's helm.

His hand found your own, fingers twining clumsily together. "You too," he hesitated before gruffly mumbling, "love." 

Xi'an followed after Mayfeld (making a gagging noise at the Mandalorian as she went), and then Burg dropped like a brick into the ship below. That was the last of his team departed through the hatch and yet he still stood there, just staring down at you.

"Was that too mu-" you began to whisper, only to have him cut you off by shoving you bodily against the wall. You started to stammer out another apology but ended up falling silent when he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close. One large hand cradled the back of your neck while the other gripped your tunic at the small of your back, and he leaned down to touch his helm to the top of the child's head.

The embrace reeked of a strangely-poignant possessiveness that had your heart aching, causing you to almost mourn the loss of him when his hold loosened. "I'm so damn sorry." He muttered, releasing you fully and turning towards the hatch.

You caught his hand before he could leave. "H-Hey, I meant what I said." You mumbled, half-hoping he didn't hear you. His head jerked to the side to look at you and your confidence waned considerably under his expressionless gaze, making you drop your eyes to the floor. "Y'know, um, stay safe." You chickened out. Really, how could you have thought you would get away with telling him something like that? Seconds before he headed off to do something he had clear reservations about doing?

He was still for several seconds before he shook his head and swung himself down to the ladder. "Stay in the bunk." He instructed, and then he too was gone.

…

Time passed at a slow crawl while you were sequestered in the bunk space. You did your best to keep the child occupied and quiet, astonishing them via a cat's cradle made from your boot laces.

You thanked the stars again and again that the kid hadn't been hurt when the ship landed, your hip still aching from how rough it had been for you. At the same time you staunchly avoided musing on the Mandalorian's body over your own, how quickly he had moved to protect you. It didn't bear thinking about. Just like his embrace before he had left, solid beskar molding to the curves of your body. 

Didn't mean anything. He was making certain the child was safe. If you were safe as well, it was strictly by proxy.

You shook your head at your silly thoughts, then stopped abruptly when you heard footsteps above you. You hushed the baby, moving them a little further back in the bunk as those footsteps shifted to impacts on the metal ladder. 

Stay in the bunk. The Mandalorian's words echoed in your ears and you swallowed hard. Stay in the bunk, but what if someone comes for me while you're gone? What then?

You heard someone fumbling with the keypad and you held your breath, hoping against hope that whoever was on the other side of the door wouldn't be able to figure out the combination. Please, please, just this once. But despite your fervent prayers, you saw the shutter begin to rise for the second time that day.

It was a compound-eyed droid. The aforementioned Z, if you had to guess. They stood in front of you, head cocked slightly to the side as if to study you. "Curious." They mused flatly. Then, they raised their rifle. 

Frantically, you scrambled for a plan. You weren't fast enough to outmaneuver a droid in a shootout. You didn't even have a blaster! Your knife was still strapped to your leg, precious little good it did you there. 

Cold reality dawned on you, that this...this could be it. The baby whined warily and you shifted your body, bracing your arm on the wall and doing your best to be a human shield for the child. "It'll be alright, sweetheart." You whispered to them, swallowing your panic to reassure them as best as you could. "I won't let them hurt you."

You heard a whir of servos and you squeezed your eyes shut in anticipation, unable to keep from cringing at the harsh report of the rifle. It sounded even louder in the cramped space. You waited for the pain, even though you had felt no blaster bolt impact. You assumed you were already in shock, ears ringing with the echoes of the gun.

Instead, a leather-gloved hand seized your arm, dragging you and the child out of the bunk space. You covered the baby's head, tucking them into the crook of your arm in an effort to protect them from the next attack. "No!" You cried, trying to struggle out of the person's grip so you could grab your knife. "No! Let me go, or I'll-!" 

Metal met your shoulder and you heard a ragged exhale of, "shit." At the familiar sound of that modulated voice, you dared to open your eyes. 

The droid was on the floor, a hole blown in its headgear. Most of your field of vision was taken up by a large form clad in beskar, whose forehead was resting on your shoulder. 

"Oh." You said softly, concerned when you felt him sag against you. His other forearm hit the wall above your head, taking some of his not-insubstantial weight off of you.

There was a wound between his breastplate and pauldron, still slowly trickling blood onto his flight suit. "I don't have much time." He said hoarsely. "Have to get that Twi' back so I get paid. Qin."

"Tell me what you need from me." Bold offer, when your legs still felt like gelatin. The fingers of your free hand grappled the sleeve of his flight suit, holding it tightly. Maker, you had thought you were dead. 

Relief and dread rushed through you in equal parts when he said, "Qin's out cold for the time being. Need you to stay in the bunk until I come get you." He hesitated, swallowing hard. "Please."

"When this is all over, I'm not going anywhere near that bunk ever again." You threatened weakly.

"That's fine." He nodded against your shoulder. "Just a little while longer. Qin is getting me triple from Ran."

"We'll see about that." You huffed. He straightened up, then leaned in to press his helmet to your forehead. You closed your eyes, not able to handle being studied at that moment. "I-I thought it was going to kill the-"

"I know." The Mandalorian breathed. "I'm sorry."

"I was so scared." You admitted, your voice cracking. The hold you had on his suit tightened even further. "M' sorry, you're the one who's hurt but I can't seem to get myself together." You shook your head with a sad little laugh, moving to pull away. 

The armored man kept you where you were though, his hands framing your shoulders. "I promise. We'll be safe once I deliver that Twi' to Ran, at least for a little while." He drew his thumb down the center of his breastplate, then tapped the chin of his helm with two fingers. "Promise."

"I'll hold you to it." His helmet hung mere inches from your face, and you stood on your tiptoes to press your forehead to his once more. "Do what you need to do. We'll be here." You promised, mustering up a smile. "Stay safe."

His hand wrapped around your wrist, squeezing for a second. "Wait for me. This won't take long."

…

In spite of your trepidation you ended up dozing off with the words to the lullaby on your lips, thoroughly worn out from your trying day. The child was glued to your side, snoring quietly even as you drifted in and out of consciousness. 

Thinking back, all you could recall was hearing the ramp hiss open, the hollow echo of voices in a large hangar space. After that, just the smooth hum of hyperspace travel.

When the Mandalorian finally came to retrieve you, even the unflappably stoic bounty hunter seemed like he had gone through the wringer. His steps were unsure, and he clung to a cargo net despite the level deck. "Need your help." He said thickly once you had swung your legs out of the bunk space. 

Instantly awake at those words, you left the child to nap peacefully and followed the armored man back up the ladder to the cockpit. There, he all but fell into the pilot seat. 

"Something's wrong." He muttered. "It's just a cut, but something…" He trailed off, shaking himself after a moment. "Can't focus."

"What do you need me to do?" You asked.

"Hands aren't steady. Need...need to get the beskar off. Peel the suit. Fix the damage." He sounded breathless, like he was rushing to force the words out. 

"You have to walk me through this, okay? I won't touch anywhere you don't want me to touch, but I need your help." 

"Just-" He cut himself off with a low groan. "Gods, my head. That rancor-sized bastard broke every knob in that stupid control room off with my helmet."

"Hey." You murmured, placing a careful hand on top of his own. "Stay with me."

"Right. Important." His helmet rolled back for a moment. "Dammit, come on." He snapped in frustration, shaking his head. Fumbling fingers unlatched his beskar breastplate, the metal clicking softly as he pulled it from its gription mount. 

Next came the mount straps for his pauldrons, and here was where he really needed some help. The latches were worn to a smooth bronze patina, sliding out from beneath his shaky hands again and again. You carefully placed your fingers around his own, guiding him through undoing the simple fasteners before you tugged his pauldrons free. The harness slowly flopped forward, then landed on the floor with a muffled clunk. 

He exhaled hard and started dragging at the upper zippers of his flight suit, quickly getting them caught for his trouble. "Sweetheart, hang on." The endearment slipped out automatically, your mind already focused on this next insurmountable task. "Let me do this for you, okay?"

He lolled his head against his shoulder silently, dropping his hands to rest on his thighs. You stepped closer in between his legs and then slowly worked free the jam he had created for himself.

One of the Mandalorian's hands suddenly flew up, grabbing your sleeve. "Didn't kill anyone." He slurred, almost panicky. "I swear. It was all droids, and the one guy...Xi'an killed him, not me, I t-tried to talk him down, and Xi'an..." 

"I believe you." You assured him, gently patting his hand. "It's over now, okay?"

"Xi'an killed him, I just…" He trailed off, his head falling forward to rest on his chest. He might have been watching you fight with the zipper. "Told Mayfeld to ask about Alzoc Three, that bitch." He muttered, "like it was a joke. Like it was a joke. Alzoc Three was a nightmare, Ran almost died, I couldn't get the klesir...the smell…" He actually retched, "Burning, and I did what I had to but…they all had so many eyes, and it was so dark--"

"Whoa, hey. What are you even talking about?" You interrupted him, more than a little concerned. It wasn't like him to rattle off on such a wild tangent, frantic.

"Mines, we were sent into the mines blind. They didn't tell us about the T-Talz." He rambled on like you hadn't said anything, gesturing with one hand. "Dark. Cold. Talz, enslaved, mining...their whole lives, dying in those pits and it reeked like hatred." 

Your hands went still on his zipper when his voice cracked. He sounded seconds from weeping, his next words punching indelicate through the modulator.

"Imps shove the young ones into the pits. Say their fur will cushion the fall. I landed in a pile of bodies." He breathed. "So many little ones. Tiny, tiny...tiny bodies, and the klesir, the death-rot, I-I--"

You abandoned the fight with his zipper to shift forward, mindful of his wound as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. His helmet dug into your collarbone and you laid your cheek on top of it, feeling his shoulders tremble slightly. "You're not there anymore." You whispered, cradling the back of his helmet like you did for the child's head.

"It's s-so dark…" He mumbled brokenly into your tunic. "Came at me with a rock crusher and I couldn't--I couldn't...oh gods..."

"Shh, sweetheart." You shifted your hand lower, resting your fingers tentatively against the exposed skin on the back of his neck. He felt fever-hot, the area clammy and damp with sweat. "It's alright now. You're here with me. Breathe, okay? Just keep your face there and focus on breathing. We'll get through this together."

"Did that bitch poison me?" The Mandalorian half-sobbed, grasping desperately at your arms. "I can't keep my eyes open. Can't...can't keep them open...g-gods, it's so dark…"

"Love, look at me." You coaxed him, holding the sides of his helmet steady. "You're on your ship. The child is safe. You're safe."

"Are you sure?" He asked, the uncertainty in his voice breaking your heart. 

Fake it 'til you make it.

"I promise." 

"The kid-"

"They're asleep in the bunk right now. Do you want me to get them?"

"No, no." He waved the suggestion off, nearly hitting you with the haphazard motion. "S'okay. I believe you." His hands dropped to rest on your tunic over your hips, fingers clenching tight in the fabric as if he was trying to ground himself with your presence.

With a little creative positioning and more than a few swears, you managed to get the flight suit peeled down to his elbows without dislodging his helmet. The liner shirt you resorted to shoving up until it was out of the way, finally getting a good look at the damage. 

He was littered in bruises. The angry contusion from that sniper bolt had mercifully faded, but in its place bloomed a veritable forest of new, smaller marks. Rounding out all these fresh acquisitions was the stab wound. It wasn't particularly large, though it sank deep into the tissue that connected his shoulder to his chest. If it didn't heal properly, it might impede his movement. 

A strange, bluish residue darkened the dried blood at the edges of the wound. Your eyes narrowed. "Do you have an anti-tox kit? There's some crud here I don't like the look of."

"Blue?" When you nodded he reached for his belt, finally tugging free a small vial from a side loop. "Bathe area with half." He instructed, his breathing ragged again. The minute effort had clearly worn him out, which was incredibly worrisome. 

You nodded, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. "I need you to lie down, okay? Otherwise this will just run off." 

The bleary Mandalorian gamely left the chair and dropped onto the floor, his normally-smooth motions reduced to something resembling clumsy puppeteering. You rummaged through the rear compartments for one of your clean rags and a bacta patch. This was no simple mark from a gaudy belt buckle, after all.

"I can't b-believe she poisoned me." He remarked faintly, sounding indignant. "What the hell did I ever do t' her?"

"Maybe you were just too devastatingly handsome. She couldn't take it when you left." You suggested dryly, carefully tipping half of the vial's neon purple contents onto the open wound. 

The Mandalorian hissed out a pained laugh, his whole body tensing briefly before relaxing again. "Shit, that mus' be it." He slurred. "Crazy Twi' was always stabbin' me. Wanted t' get m...me outta' th' beskar." He brushed his knuckles against your cheek. "Not like you. Y' always tellin' me t...to...to stay safe. Like you'd be sad 'f I got hurt." 

You longed for a beskar steel helmet at that moment, mentally cursing your cheeks for flushing as hot as they did. This wasn't the time! He was still soaked with sweat, his shoulder jumping erratically under your touch. It was difficult not to notice the way his chest was heaving, the rise and fall of battered olive skin almost hypnotic. This was only the second time you had seen him in such a state of undress and, despite how terrible the current situation was, you still treasured this display of the trust that he placed in you. Just to ask for your help in general-! "Of course I'd be sad." You said quietly, trying to focus on smoothing the patch over the edges of the wound.

His thumb traced your jawline. "Really?" He asked, sounding somewhere between incredulous and seconds from passing out. "S'nice. You're nice. Nice t' look at, too. Mesh'la. Xi'an was jealous." He mumbled. You could hear his smile; he was gloating, the smug bastard. Leave it to a man who had been poisoned to gloat about an old flame being petty! "Jeal-o-us…" He tapped your nose, and then his hand flopped to the floor.

You had to sit back on your haunches, exhaling hard once you heard his breathing even out. This day was just getting stranger and stranger! Nice to look at, he had said. Xi'an was jealous. Maker, were you still blushing?! 

You shook your head, for once not bothering to fight back your fond smile. "She sure was, wasn't she." You whispered sadly, daring to caress the side of his helmet.

You didn't want to leave him alone while he 'sweat out' the poison in case something went wrong, so you chose to curl up in the secondary co-pilot chair and keep him under observation. After several minutes, a hand fumbled up to grab your own. "H-ey." He breathed. "St…Stay here. Don' leave, okay?" 

"I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere." You assured him, gently rubbing your thumb over his knuckles.

"Can you...sing me th...that song. The one--the one...th' one the kid likes?" He turned his head slowly to look up at you, the side of his helm hitting the floor with a solid thud. "Keeps the dark...keeps th' dark outta' my helmet."

"Yeah, absolutely. Whatever you need." He squeezed your hand, which you assumed was his way of saying thank you. You then slid off of the seat and back onto the floor, carefully lifting his head so you could lay it in your lap. 

He groaned at the motion and you apologized softly, stroking your fingers down the front of his helm like you did for the kid. You got a quiet sigh out of that. His hand shifted over to pet your thigh, and you felt his shoulders relax ever so slightly.

"Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you, sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you…" you sang, deliberately keeping your volume as low as you could manage.

The Mandalorian hummed along with the tune off-key and the sound made your fond smile return, despite your best efforts.

"But in your dreams, whatever they be, dream a little dream of me…" 

…

You were uncertain of when you had fallen asleep, only knowing that your own dreams were far from restful. Fraught with images of dark pits and frenzied clawing through the void, the muted horror of an undefinable stench clinging to your body as you searched for him...

"My f-f-friend, if you are receiving this..." 

The staticky voice startled you from your nightmares and you gazed blearily up at the Mandalorian's back. Somehow you had ended up back in the co-pilot chair. When…?

He appeared to be listening to a message, his form hunched over slightly so you couldn't see the individual's holo on the control panel. "...means you are alive. You may be surprised to hear this, but I am alive too. I guess we can call it even." 

Your brow furrowed as the Mandalorian scoffed, shaking his head.

"...lot has happened since we last saw each other. The man who hired you is still here, and his ranks of ex-Imperial guards have grown."

Ex-Imperial? You were wide awake now. You tucked your legs beneath the blanket covering you, huddling yourself up tight before you realized that it was actually his cape. He must have draped it over you after he woke up from his post-poison fainting spell.

The message rattled on, "They have imposed despotic rule over my city, which has impeded the livelihood of the Guild. We consider him an enemy but we cannot get close enough to take him out."

"Osi'kyr." The Mandalorian hissed through his teeth, scooping his gription harness up off the floor and settling it back on his shoulders. "Of course not, of course." The grit in his words was unfamiliar, violent. You remembered what he had said about not touching certain jobs anymore; frantic, guilty rambling about Alzoc Three, dark pits. What else had he done before bounty hunting?

"If you would consider one last commission, I would very much make it worth your while. You have been successful so far in staving off their hunters, but they will not stop until they have their prize." His shoulders snapped tight. "So here is my proposition: return to Nevarro. Bring the child as bait. I will arrange an exchange and provide loyal Guild members for protection. Once we get near the client, you kill him, and we both get what we want."

The Mandalorian was shaking his head again, knuckles rhythmically striking the edge of the control panel. He was angry. His presence seemed to fill the cockpit, robbing the space of everything except the silent fury he radiated. Like when he had been staring down Calican, the mudhorn about to charge.

"If you succeed, you keep the child and I will have your name cleared with the Guild. For a man of honor should not be forced to live in exile." Weirdly, the Mandalorian went dead still at that. The wording obviously had some kind of heavy impact on him. "I await your arrival with optimism."

"I'll bet you fucking do, you-" The Mandalorian seethed, reaching for his breastplate and then pausing when he saw you were awake. He continued the motion after a moment, clearing his throat. "We're headed back to Sorgan." He enunciated calmly, affixing the plate to his harness.

"Why?" You inquired, a little wary. Gone was the slur in his voice, the clumsy movements he had displayed only a few hours back. Also gone was his rage. He was somehow even more closed off than before, his body language bordering on unreadable.

"I'm going to need backup."

Part Six

[ottobooty]

@masonsfreckles‘s tagged me for this a while ago for an OTP tag. Most everyone else I know has already been tagged, so I’m tagging y’all who are reading this :^)

OTP tag for Miriam and Adam

DISAGREEMENTS.

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Adam, but Miriam is known to get loud when passionate or wants to get her point across.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

neither.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

neither.

Who trashes the house?

Neither

Do either of them get physical?

NOPE.

How often do they argue/disagree?

Sometimes. Mostly due to his stubbornness and habit of bottling his emotions up and Miriam’s habit of thinking with her emotions and impulsive behaviour.

Who is the first to apologize?

Usually Miriam, if only because she doesn’t want things to potentially drag out. Adam gets bullied into it by others.

SEX.

Who is on top? Who is on bottom?

Most of the time it’s Adam, but sometimes Miriam likes to be the one looking down.

Any kinks?

Hand holding and showing vulnerability. Miriam would never admit it out loud, but she’s curious and interested in very light bondage. Miriam probably has a hand kink. 

Who has the strangest desires?

neither.

Who’s dominant in bed?

adam.

Is head ever in the equation?

Miriam is a strong yes. Adam likes being able to look her in the eye; he likes his hands more. 

If so, who is better at performing it?

Miriam

Ever had sex in public?

Nope! Miriam is too shy and nervous about getting caught, and Adam prefers to stick to the bedroom or at home.

Who moans the most?

Miriam. She’s also a little loud and finds it embarrassing. At least Adam knows DAMN WELL he’s doing a good job.

Who leaves the most marks?

Adam, but not too many or too hard.

Who is the more experienced of the two?

Miriam by like one or two things. Adam is confident enough to make it seem like he really experienced, but he knows what he’s doing.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

make love, definitely.

How long do they usually last?

Pretty long! Though at the end, the only one who is jelly is Miriam from how much he focuses on her.

Rough or soft?

depends on the mood.

Is protection used?

Sort of? Miriam is on birth control for period regulation so she doesn’t end up being out of commission for the entire week because of how bad it gets. 

Does it ever get boring?

Not really!

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?

Back of her car during a stakeout. 

FAMILY.

Do they plan on having children/or have children?

later in their relationship when things calm down, yeah.

If so, how many children do they want/have?

One or two. Miriam would LOVE more, but she’s also….very small. 

AFFECTION.

Who likes to cuddle?

Miriam is a chronic cuddler. If Adam isn’t there, Felix or Nate are the next Victims of it. She just likes to be near him.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

Miriam. Gotta keep him on his toes.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themselves?

Miriam. She enjoys being near him or close to him, and really wants to let him know as often as possible with actions that he is loved and deserving of it.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

Pretty long. Longer if there isn’t really anything to do and there’s nothing important to attend to. 

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?

Anything really. Like mentioned before; Miriam enjoys his presence and having him near her. But if she had to pick ONE, it would absolutely be baking. Gotta put them muscles to use somehow. Plus kneading dough is a great way to work out tension.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?

Couch and bed. She likes to sit in his lap with her legs draped over his thigh.

SLEEPING.

Who snores?

Neither, but Miriam does mumble softly.

If both do, who snores the loudest?

Neither!

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

Share a bed most of the time. She knows he doesn’t need sleep, he knows he doesn’t need sleep, but he also just wants to be near her. 

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

Cozy. She’s latched onto him like a koala.

What do they wear to bed?

Pj’s. Though Miriam 100% wears one of his shirts and no bottoms in the summer.

Are either of them insomniacs?

Miriam occasionally. 

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

Not sleeping pills, but Miriam’s regular medication for her ADHD can be found on her bedside.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

A mix of both, but usually the former.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

Miriam. Half the time, she’s surprised her hair hasn’t strangled him in her sleep.

Who wakes up first?

Adam, usually before the sun is even up if he has slept that night.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

Depends. She knows he doesn’t like to eat, but does still offer simple things that won’t overwhelm him. Adam sometimes returns the favor, but he sometimes settles for just coffee the way she likes it.

What is their favourite sleeping position?

Spooning with Miriam being the little spoon, or with her draping an arm across his chest. Sometimes he gets smacked in the face, but it’s a small price to pay. 

Do they set an alarm each night?

Yes, as much as Miriam is Very Much Not a morning person.

Who has nightmares?

Both of them do. 

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

Nope, but a small radio is. Sometimes she has soft music playing.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Miriam. She always makes a point to tell him about the weirder ones just to see his reaction. 

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Neither, but if we’re going by “Takes up the bed”, it’s Adam’s 6’1 ass by default. 

Who makes the bed?

Both, though when Adam does it, it’s arguably a lot neater than when she does.

What time is bed time?

10-11pm

Any routines/rituals before bed?

Miriam might have developed a slight OCD and has to check that her locks are indeed locked and the alarms are set. Adam makes no comment on it, but understands why she does it. Sometimes she puts up her hair to make extra sure the fuzz doesn’t kill him in her sleep. 

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Miriam. She’s very grumbly. 

WORK.

Who is the busiest?

Arguably Miriam. As both the Detective of Wayhaven and the Human Liaison for the Agency, she’s working a lot.  

Who rakes in the highest income?

Ehhh, doesn’t matter. They’re both doing the same thing, technically.

Are any of them unemployed?

nope.

Who takes the most sick days?

Miriam. Because she’s Human. 

What are their jobs?

Miriam is the only detective in Wayhaven, as well as the Liaison for the Agency in Wayhaven. Adam is the Commanding Agent of Unit Bravo.

Who sucks up to their boss?

Miriam jokingly. It’s her mother, afterall, and she tries to keep things light between them due to the nature of their job.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

Miriam, though she tries not to be. 

Who stresses the most?

Both of them do, but Adam absolutely does more since Miriam is very self-sacrificing and impulsive as HELL.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

Adam enjoys it when Miriam isn’t doing things that make his hair turn gray or make him want to rip it out.

Are they financially stable?

yes.

HOME.

Who does the washing?

Both. Adam helps when he can if he is over for the night or week. 

Who takes out the trash?

Both of them do.

Who does the ironing?

Adam more than Miriam, since he has more clothes that need ironing.

Who does the cooking?

Miriam. Adam doesn’t cook too often.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

Neither, but Adam is more likely to burn the food or have it taste bad.

Who is messier?

Miriam by just a bit. Sometimes she leaves out mugs of tea that are half empty because she forgets about it.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?

neither.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

Miri when she’s in a rush for things. She does pick up after herself quite often though.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?

neither.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

Miriam. Adam blames it on the mess of her basket she keeps things in.

Who answers the telephone?

Miriam. Adam only answers if he recognizes it’s someone from the Agency or Miriam.

Who mows the lawn?

There is no lawn, so neither.

Who does the vacuuming?

Both. Though it’s more sweeping than vacuuming.

Who does the groceries?

Both, usually. Miriam likes to make it an adventure. 

Who takes the longest to shower?

Miriam. It takes a lot to wash hair that voluminous. 

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Miriam. That long hair takes hours to dry and is a hassle to deal with.

MISCELLANEOUS.

Is money a problem?

Not really. Miri’s gotten a lot better as she’s gotten older about spending her money, and Adam never really spends money on things unless there’s a use for it.

How many cars do they own?

Just Miriam’s car.

What’s their song?

“Guiding Light” - Mumford & Sons

Do they live in the city or in the country?

Technically the country? Wayhaven is a small town. 

Do they own their home or do they rent?

Miriam rents her apartment. Adam’s lodgings in the Agency are rent free. 

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

At first, Adam hated the bright colors and textures and flowers that dotted her apartment. It’s since grown on him and he’s found a weird comfort in it.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Keep busy, mostly. Miriam does send him messages or calls to check up on him if she hasn’t heard from him or one of the Unit in a while. She trusts him enough to be able to come back in one piece.

Where did they first meet?

At the abandoned warehouse. Miriam shot him out of panic due to already frazzled nerves. 

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Miriam, especially if she spots a flea market or thrift store. 

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

Neither. Both of them are rather practical and don’t like to show off too much.

Any mental issues?

Miriam has PTSD from the Murphy incident, as well as ADHD. I’m also willing to bet that Adam has some form of PTSD he doesn’t want to admit he has. 

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Neither, really.

Who’s terrified of bugs?

Miriam is slightly afraid of spiders, but usually just tries to shoo it away by blowing at it.

Who kills the spiders around the house?

Neither do. Despite being scared of spiders, Miri doesn’t like to see them killed, so the bug ends up just getting put outside.

Do they have any fears for their future?

:^) SO MANY. Particularly because of her Mortality.

Their favourite place?

One of the city gardens. They both enjoy the quiet.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

Adam. If he’s cooked it or if it’s NATE who cooked it is up in the air. (It’s Nate with help.)

Who pays the bills?

Both. Though Miri does insist she pay most of them since she’s home the most.

Who’s the tallest?

ADAM. Miriam is 4′11.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

Miriam, mostly due to the fact that she’s Tiny™ and can get away with it.

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Miriam, though usually it’s just with a big shirt on overtop. 

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Miriam! Sings loud and proud. Adam begrudgingly sits through all of it, but will be found humming along if he’s heard it enough times.

What do they tease each other about?

Miriam teases him about his age at times, while he absolutely takes to teasing her about her height.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

Adam might playfully tease her about her more….COLORFUL outfits, but neither of them cringe.

Who crushed first?

Adam :^). The only clown at the carnival was him.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

Nope. Miriam is pretty nervous about alcohol in general and doesn’t like the taste of it. 

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

Neither. Miriam doesn’t like to drink too much.

Who swears the most?

Miriam, and it’s usually when she’s very upset. Adam has been subjected to at least One (1) F-bomb.