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biletdoux · 4 years

Text

stages of love | j.jh

Pairing | jung jaehyun (nct) + female!reader Rating | M Genre + Tropes | college!au, romance (angst, fluff, smut) Warnings | explicit language, alcohol consumption, instant love?, sexual content (drunk sex, receiving and giving oral, penetration, cow girl position, nipple play), greyzone fidelity Length | 15k+

Summary | A playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart

(Or; your relationship with Jung Jaehyun in ten songs.)

Note: ahhhhhhh!!!! we finally did it boisssss. this fic has been a long time coming and honestly im sick and tired of jaehyun. i’ve spent too long thinking about him for this fic smh. this is also my first time writing smut so we’ll see how that goes lmao. anyway this was a long labor of love so please let me know what you thought of it !!! <333

1. Peach by IU

smitten at first sight.

“How can I explain this feeling?”

“Alright, I think that sums up about everything we need to cover for today’s lecture. Remember, most of this will be on your final exam. Any questions before you’re all dismissed?”

Your professor looks up from the board, scans the room and all he sees are most of the students waiting with bated breath, itching to leave the class, and half of those students having already packed their belongings in anticipation. He held them back an extra twenty five minutes today, which is notably longer than previous lectures in which he delayed dismissal.

“Okay, you’re free to go. Chapters nineteen and twenty are due the next time we meet.”

You breathe out a sigh of relief, ready to head out with the rest of the class. You like Professor Jang and find that he makes history somewhat digestible, but he has a tendency to lose track of time, which is inconvenient, but more so today since you have agreed to meet up with Yeri. You glance at your phone to see text notifications and curse to yourself. You’re already ten minutes late and Yeri is many things and impatient is one of them.

You’re one of the first out of the small lecture hall and you shoot her a quick reply before making your way to the oncampus cafe. Through quickened strides and shortcuts engrained from cross-campus treks from class to class, you arrive in record time. You’re slightly out of breath and impressed by your speed, but you stop, frozen in your tracks when you see Yeri’s displeased face. You find her situated in a small, but cozy corner next to the windows, already unpacked with notebooks and papers strewn on the desk ready to review for exams. It's one of the best study spots in the cafe and you immediately know your best friend had to come extra early to nab such a sought after table.

“About time,” she scowls, “what took you so long?”

You shoot her an apologetic look, “aww, Yeri,” you pout your lips a little too dramatically, “I’m sorry. I just came from history and you know how Professor Jang is.”

Yeri looks at your jutted lips in disgust, but then her face softens in consideration. “Hm, I do know Jang.” She scrunches up her nose remembering her time in his class last semester. “That old man can talk for days on end and he never lets anyone leave class early. I guess I’ll let you go this time.”

You beam at her knowing she’s no longer angry for your tardiness. “Great, drinks are on me today. It’s the least I can do for being late.” Yeri forgives as easily and as quickly as she loses her temper. You learned this after a few weeks of being her roommate.

Yeri says nothing in silent agreement and you place your stuff down across the table next to the chair she reserves for you. You pull out your wallet and weave through the packed cafe to head to the order counter. The line is long and you patiently review the menu. Your roommate has consistent tastes and always orders a vanilla frappuccino regardless of which cafe she goes to, but you base your decision on your mood. You mull over your choices and by the time you reach the barista taking your order, you decide you’re in an ‘iced Americano’ kind of mood today. You have exams on top of exams you need to review for and a stronger caffeine kick is much needed.

After paying, you head back to the table with two drinks in tow. Yeri takes her drink and after you both take a few sips and catch up for the day, you dive straight to work. The two of you decide to review for statistics.

Between re-summarizing chapters and answering review questions, you muse to yourself about how your college experience thus far hasn't been that much different from your high school life. You didn’t necessarily hate high school, per say, but it was safe to say you didn’t enjoy it. Your heart was in the arts, specifically music, and you had found studying the core subjects to be boring and tedious. You remember being ecstatic to have been accepted and enrolled in a performing arts college, foolishly thinking your days of solving differential equations and memorizing chemical formulas were over. You specifically remember daydreaming of your hours being filled with keyboard practice and composition notes and only such things. Somehow the reality of mandatory general education courses slipped your mind when you constructed such fantasies.

Despite frivolous and preconceived notions of college, you have already survived a semester and you are nearly through your second.

“Hey, do you remember when this stats assignment is due?” Yeri’s inquiring voice snaps you out of your brief reverie and you search your cluttered brain for a date.

“Uh, I think it’s due, like, a few days before the final, but I’d have to double check.”

Yeri nods. “Alright, well let’s take a small break. We have some time till then, we don’t have to finish all of it today.”

You happily agree and set down your pen. Yeri takes a sip of her frappuccino and you lean over the table to get closer to her. “Anyway, did you hear about what happened with Jiwon and Youngjae from the entertainment management department?”

Her eyes glisten with wicked interest. “No. Do tell.”

Break time is always synonymous with gossip hour between you and Yeri.

You spend the next fifteen minutes dishing what you know and Yeri offers her own input whenever she feels fit.

“And they think they’re being discreet, but the whole dorm knows they’ve been sneaking around, but guess wha─” Before you can finish your sentence, you are cut off by a loud and energetic voice calling out Yeri’s name.

The two of you look up to see a slim and boyish brunet waving to Yeri and excitedly making his way to your table. He looks vaguely familiar, but you can’t quite place your finger on it, so you let it go.

He smiles happily at Yeri and greets her. “Hey Yeri, how’s it going?” He notices you there and gives you a polite wave, which you return in the same manner.

Yeri replies back breezily, but with her full attention. “Good. Did you need anything, Mark?”

He flushes just the slightest bit, but it doesn’t escape your eyes. “Erm, nothing I just wanted to remind you that we’re meeting for the music theory project tomorrow at four. I would’ve texted, but I forgot to get your number in class, and I saw you here and thought it was a good opportunity to tell you.”

Yeri’s eyes widen, “ah right! I completely forgot about it. It’s a good thing you found me here today, huh? Here, I’ll give you my number.”

She reaches her hand out her hand expectantly, and Mark is confused before scrambling to pull out his phone. You can tell Mark looks flustered while Yeri is calmly putting in her contact information. After finishing, she hands his phone back, “okay, all set. Just shoot me a text so I have your number as well. Thanks for reminding me today or I probably would’ve forgotten and not have shown up or something.”

Mark smiles again, this time a little more sure than before. “All good. I’ll see you tomorrow, Yeri.”

They wave goodbye and you watch Mark scamper from the cafe. Your eyes follow him, but Yeri is already focused on you again, paying Mark’s retreating form no mind.

“So…” you start.

“So?” She returns.

“He’s cute.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she shrugged. “I barely know him though. We have music theory together, but this is the first time we’ve talked all semester and we’re only talking because we got paired up for a project.”

Yeri seems apathetic and you study her closely. You notice she’s acting a little too stiffly carefree to be truly indifferent to the situation. You can’t help, but to tease her a bit. “Well, make the most out of this project then.”

Yeri gives you a hard look and you decide to let it go despite finding your best friend’s situation to be amusing.

“Anyway, keep telling me about Jiwon and Youngjae. You never finished.” Yeri changes the topic, knowing that you might decide to pester her again if she doesn’t.

“As I was saying,” you started up again. A figure outside catches your attention and you peer outside through the window past Yeri’s shoulders. You realize it’s Mark and you watch with interest as he gestures excitedly, pointing to something in his hand, you assume his phone, to some of his friends. From there your eyes wander absentmindedly from one person to the next, and it’s when you see him.

The reaction is almost instantaneous.

“Like you were saying?” Yeri urges, but her words fall on deaf ears, for all your attention is captured by the boy next to Mark with heart-shaped lips.

When you see said boy laugh, you notice he has moon for eyes and you unconsciously suck in a sharp breath. You must have been staring too intently without noticing because he turns his head in your direction and you two hold direct eye contact. Like a deer caught in headlights, you freeze and lose all rational thought. Your head is completely blank. You have never seen someone so beautiful and your mind does not know how to process any sensory information at the moment.

Someone calls the boy away and the entire group of friends leave. It’s only then do you find yourself releasing a breath you didn’t know you had been holding onto so tightly. Your heart is pounding and you feel as though blood is rushing through your ears.

“Hello?” Yeri sounds annoyed, but you struggle to find the words to answer her.

You feel a sudden heat rush to color your cheeks a vibrant red and a feeling surges through you that leaves you out of breath and weak at the knees. A steady warmth washes over you quietly and you feel it deep within yourself and you can’t help but let out a small laugh.

How silly, you muse. Not to be dramatic, but you think you’re in love.

2. Shadow by f(x)

adoration from afar.

“I’m really really into you.”

The next few weeks are packed to the brim with assignments and papers, but despite this, you still find time for your personal research into the boy who was with Mark that day.

Being the obvious first and easiest option, you beg Yeri to ask Mark directly about his friend, but she immediately shoots you down.

“No. Absolutely not. At least not anytime soon anyway,” she huffs. “I’ve barely held two full conversations with him, like hell the next is gonna be about his friend just cause my best friend started thirsting over him after one glance. I mean come on, girl.” She shakes her head at you.

Yeri’s right and you apologize to her for being thoughtless of her situation. She doesn’t say it, but she seems really hopeful about the music theory project and what might bloom from it. You would not want to impede on such possibilities of happiness for your friend, so you let that option go, but Yeri promises to help in other ways and she does.

Somehow between caffeine fueled cram sessions and sleep deprivation, you, with Yeri’s help manage to find out more about the boy. You casually ask around in your contemporary writing and production department and she offers help by searching her vocal performance department.

You find out his name is Jung Jaehyun and he’s a third year in the musical theatre department and that he’s a member of the local chapter of the performing arts fraternity on campus. You also discover his Instagram handle and you find yourself skimming through his page throughout the day more often than you’re willing to admit to any living soul.

You occasionally see him around campus since you first saw him at the cafe and each time, you can feel your heart hammer in your chest and you become so flustered to the point of your sympathetic nervous system activating. Unfortunately for you, your body unconsciously chooses flight each and every time at the sight of Jaehyun because you can always feel your knees go weak and your body lurch away to escape in any direction that isn’t Jaehyun’s. You kind of hate yourself each time you do, but you can’t help it. He’s just so pretty that it’s intimidating!

You try to think positive after the bouts of shame you experience after each escapade.

Well there’s no way to embarrass yourself in front of him if you run away before having the chance to, right?

Even thinking about it now in the comfort of your bed, you can’t shake your self-consciousness and bury your face in a large pillow resting on your knees. Your cheeks are burning and you don’t know what to do.

“Hey, why don’t you just talk to him, instead of moping all day and stalking his profile like a creep.” Yeri’s crisp words cut through your musings and you glance up to see her entering your shared room in the dorms.

“Shut up. It’s not like I have a benevolent match-making professor who happens to pair me up with my crush for an end-of-semester project.” You retort back before sighing dramatically, “I literally have no excuse to talk to him. We’re not in the same year or major. We don’t even have mutual friends. Unless, y’know, you and Mark hit it off, who knows.”

Yeri sits down next to you on your small twin bed, resting her head on your shoulder while letting out an equally dramatic sigh, “yeah, well, Mark’s so dense, all the divine intervention in the world isn’t going to help me.”

You let out snort, “what’s up with you two anyway?”

“Y’know, I could’ve sworn he was into me and I had a chance with him, but every time we meet up we literally only work on the project and nothing else. Every time I sort of tried to do something I get shot down. Like I told him I was kind of chilly today in the library, and he looks all thoughtful for a moment but all he ends up saying is ‘yeah, all the buildings on campus are always cold, huh? Good thing I always bring a jacket with me. You should bring one too next time, I don’t want you getting cold.’ And then he just turns back to the project like nothing. Can you believe him?” Yeri complains and you swear her annoyance is palpable. “And every time I text him to hangout, he thinks it’s to work on the project. I honestly can’t tell if he’s really that stupid or if he’s just not into me.”

You laugh at her unfortunate, but undeniable state of love affairs.

“Really? That bad? I remember him being all blushy when he asked for your number,” you recall. “And you should’ve seen how he looked when he showed off he got your number. Well that’s what it looked like anyway, I could be wrong.”

“Well, at least I’ll get a good grade though. Mark is nothing if not diligent and hard-working, with him being a double major and all.” Yeri sounds resigned however, she sighs again, this time more frustrated and you hear the determination in her voice. “Alright, after finals, for sure we’re gonna hit the clubs. We need to let loose, have some fun.”

You agree with her to appease her short temper, but deep down you feel disappointed. You feel sorry for your friend, having genuinely wanted Mark and her to work out, but a small and selfish part of you felt sorry for having no bridge to Jaehyun at all if it didn’t work out between Yeri and Mark. Looks like you were stranded now and you’d have to find a way to Jaehyun one way or another, but your line of help ends here.

Shaking away such negative thoughts, you think to yourself how soju bombs and dance floors don’t so bad after such an intense exam period after all. It will definitely take your mind off of things for sure.

And even though you say this to yourself, you know your mind will still be plagued with Jung Jaehyun no matter how much you try.

3. What Is Love by EXO-K

careful contemplation.

“I can’t explain what I feel.”

“Mark, tell me you did not.” The disbelief in Johnny’s voice made the situation all the more hilarious and even Jaehyun, who’s the calmer of the two, couldn’t suppress the guffaw from escaping his lips.

The tips of Mark’s ears flush a light pink and he tries to deliver a convincing argument, but all that comes out is a meek stammer, further driving Johnny up the wall.

When Mark came up to his and Johnny’s room asking for advice, Jaehyun had an idea of where it was going to lead, considering Mark’s clueless disposition and inexperienced track record, but Jaehyun had no idea it was going to be this bad.

Mark, having developed a crush on a fellow vocal performance major in his music theory class, came to Johnny, his frat big, to spill his guts and ask for advice constantly. Being Johnny’s roommate, meant Jaehyun was also privy to all the details of Mark’s love life and he had no problem giving advice to the amusing first year student, which Mark appreciated because going to Johnny meant a clowning session before he could get any useful nuggets of information.

When Mark’s music theory professor randomly assigned the two for the end of semester project, Mark was one part excited and two parts nervous, resulting in a frazzled mess. He has been going up to the second room on the right of the second floor of the frat house almost every other day to ask for advice since then.

Johnny was thrilled when he initially heard of the project, already envisioning his little’s love prospects, stating something along the lines of “my little’s gonna get laid!”

However, now looking at Johnny rubbing his temples in exasperation, Jaehyun can tell that his roommate’s initial enthusiasm has dissipated.

Mark’s daily roadblock today consisted of his crush giving him the cold shoulder and being much more snappy than before in the project meet up earlier. Mark recalls Yeri’s anger toward him and racks his brain for an answer. Even Johnny and Jaehyun are stumped at the sudden behavior, assuming that things were going smoothly from Mark’s previous reports filled with clumsy, but endearing and ultimately positive signs. It’s only when Mark offhandedly mentions her so-called ‘strange’ comment about the temperature, does it become clear why Yeri’s attitude suddenly shifted so drastically.

“I mean, I don’t know what I did wrong.” Mark’s second attempt to defend himself has Johnny flaring his nostrils in indignation and Jaehyun has to turn away in an attempt to stifle his laughter.

“Dude, she’s so into you. Or, at least she was, I don’t know about it anymore.” Johnny starts after calming down. “She left herself wide open for you to take a clear shot and you effectively said to her face, ‘thanks but no thanks’ and then walked away. No wonder she’s pissed, I’d be pissed too.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do then?” Mark counters.

“Mark,” Johnny begins, his tone dry and coarse, “you’re killing me.”

Jaehyun deems this the perfect time to step in, the laughter about done coursing through his system at this point. He clears his throat before offering his input, “It’s not too, too bad. Johnny’s just being dramatic. If she likes you enough, she’ll probably forgive you if you play your cards right from here on out.”

Mark perks up, his attention solely on Jaehyun.

Jaehyun hums absentmindedly to himself, gathering and organizing his thoughts to properly explain exactly where and how Mark went wrong and what to do moving forward. When Jaehyun opens his mouth to speak, Mark is glued on to every word and Jaehyun can see the gears in his brain whirring at high speeds.

By the time Jaehyun is done, Johnny has calmed down and Mark nods his head fervently in understanding.

“Ah, that makes so much sense now! I got it now.”

Despite his assurances, both Johnny and Jaehyun know Mark will be back soon.

“Alright little, listen up,” Johnny starts. “Here’s the game plan from here on out.”

Johnny goes off on a sermon, determined to help his little ‘get some’ as Johnny so delicately puts it. Jaehyun can see it’s not the most tasteful of word choice for Mark to hear, but the youngest says nothing.

Lounging lazily in the bean bag on his side of the room, Jaehyun knocks his head back and thinks of a few weeks back when he accompanied Mark and some other frat members to the rec center for some basketball. Jaehyun remembers Mark was bemoaning the fact he forgot to ask for some girl’s number and it was as if a higher entity heard the boy’s laments and felt especially gracious, because right as they were passing the cafe, Mark stopped in his tracks and suddenly ran off into the busy building.

The group of frat boys watched him excitedly weave his way through the crowd of bodies and occupied tables to reach a table with two girls. When they saw the girl putting her number into Mark’s phone, Johnny elbowed Jaehyun, and like a proud parent Johnny exaggeratedly acknowledged his little. “They grow up so fast, don’t they, Jaehyun.” Johnny even wiped an imaginary tear from his eye to really send the message home.

It was only a few moments later and Mark came bounding out of the cafe, eager to show everyone how lucky it was that he happened to see her. “I mean what are the odds, right?” the said boy exclaimed so happily, his cheer so infectious, Jaehyun couldn’t help himself from letting out a laugh of his own.

Jaehyun turned to give Mark an encouraging pat on the back and it’s when he notices a pair of eyes on him. He turns fully to come in the direct line of sight of a girl whose eyes, Jaehyun imagined to have been very warm, had they not been burning holes into him. Her intense gaze slightly unnerved him, but not to the point of pulling away. He found himself entranced and the only thing that broke the quick spell was Johnny’s voice, calling him to move it along.

Jaehyun recalls easily breaking eye contact and giving little thought to the strange girl with fire for eyes, but as the days passed, Jaehyun couldn’t shake the thought of her from his mind.

Even now in the comfort of his room and with Johnny and Mark not even a foot away, carefully planning Mark’s love endeavors, all Jaehyun’s mind can really focus on is the thought of you.

Jaehyun is sure he’s only looked at you for less than a minute, but somehow he’s able to clearly trace out the image of you that day, like a perfect snapshot.

“Yo Jaehyun,” Johnny calls. “You good? You’ve been spacing out, bro.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Jaehyun answers offhandedly, before contemplating to himself. Was he good? Jaehyun wouldn’t necessarily say he’s bad in any way, but it isn’t normal for him to have the thought of a girl remain so clearly engraved in his mind for so long, and even less common for it to actually be a girl he doesn’t even know nonetheless. It’s not a pressing issue, but it does bother him. He weighs over the next steps in his mind.

“Alright, just making sure.”

With one last thought, Jaehyun concludes to himself that it’s time to tackle his concern at hand head-on.

“Actually,” he starts, “Mark, do you remember the girl next to Yeri the day you asked for her number?”

Mark quirks his head in thought and Jaehyun can see Johnny raise his eyebrows in sudden interest.

“Uh kinda,” Mark answers. “I think she’s a CWP major. I’m pretty sure we shared an arranging class last semester, but like, I don’t know her personally or anything; it was a large lecture. To be honest, I don’t even think she recognized me at all, judging from her reaction that day. Why, what’s up?”

Jaehyun nods, absorbing the information, giving Johnny ample time to fire away.

“Yeah Jaehyun,” Jaehyun can visualize the glint in Johnny’s eyes just from hearing his mischievous tone. “What is up? I haven’t seen you ask about a girl in a hot minute. Thought you suddenly went abstinent without telling me or something.”

Jaehyun isn’t quite sure how to reply. Without a doubt you were cute to Jaehyun and he wouldn’t be opposed for things to happen between the two of you, but he doesn’t even know you! Well, not that it’s been a problem for Jaehyun in the past, but your lingering presence bothers him in ways he cannot communicate. Why is that the thought of you won’t leave him and why does it bother him so much?

Jaehyun decides to be straightforward, as straightforward as his muddled brain allows him to be. “She’s cute. I wanna get to know her.”

“Okay, Jaehyun.” Johnny whoops obnoxiously. “I see you.”

Mark is surprised and suddenly Johnny is all fired up again. Abruptly, Johnny shoots up and the determination that burns in his eyes is admirable.

“I’ve got it!” He declares proudly.

Jaehyun and Mark are quiet, waiting patiently for him to continue. They say nothing, knowing there is not a thing that can reach him when Johnny gets like this.

“We’re throwing a party and you bet your ass your two girls are gonna be there.”

4. Heaven by Ailee

walking on Cloud 9.

“When I hear your voice, it feels like I’m dreaming.”

You look up at the two-story house before you and wonder how you got here. Actually, you don’t wonder at all because you know exactly how you ended up at the steps of the local performing arts fraternity at your college, but you sigh regardless, as if someone had weaseled you into being here. Your nerves gnaw at you and you feel your stomach doing all types of aerobic tricks, the feeling reminiscent of the sensation before the roller coaster drops.

Yeri grabs your hand and pulls you excitedly to the front door. You can feel the thrum of music emanating from the building.

You recall how Yeri almost jumped you to tell the good news.

Finals flew by without any major hitches, ignoring sleepless nights and caffeine crashes. You don’t know how you’ll do, but you’re satisfied with your exam performances. You were in the clear and were just waiting for Yeri to present her joint music theory project before the both of you could finally let loose as a celebration to end the school year.

You waited for her outside of the classroom building as promised, playing with your phone to past time until you were suddenly engulfed by a delighted pair of arms. Yeri hugged you tight; she was in high spirits, seemingly from acing her presentation and you hugged her back in congratulations. She pulled at you closer and whispered in your ears, “just say yes.”

You were confused, but looked up to see Mark headed toward the two you. Yeri released you, leaving one arm still slung casually over your shoulder.

“Hey guys. My frat’s throwing a party tonight to celebrate finishing exams. I was wondering if, uh, you guys wanted to come? I mean you don’t have to, it’s totally optional.”

You didn’t say anything at first and Yeri interjected, “Of course!” She smiled at you innocently despite harshly pinching you to respond, her action hidden from Mark’s sight. “We’d love to, right?”

“Uh,” you answered distractedly. “Y-yeah, sure.”

“Great.” Mark beamed. “Party starts at eight. I gotta go help set up, so I’ll see ya there!”

And with that, he left as soon as he arrived and you looked at Yeri questioningly for answers. “I thought we were hitting downtown tonight. What happened to club hopping?”

Yeri smiled devilishly, “change of plans. I’ll tell you more about it later. The most important thing is finding the perfect outfit for you tonight, cause Jaehyun’s gonna be there.”

And so, here you find yourself dressed in high-waisted shorts and a cute top that took an embarrassingly long time to decide on. You are greeted by the fraternity president at the door of the house, Taeyong you think his name is, and he gives you two a quick verbal tour of the place, really emphasizing where to get drinks. Yeri thanks him for the both of you and you enter the crowded house. You think at least half of the performing art majors must’ve been here judging by the sheer volume of packed bodies.

You remember Yeri explaining how she and Mark may have been making a breakthrough and this party was imperative for its success. You were completely okay attending for that reason alone, because after all, what kind of person sends her best friend to a frat party alone? However, your resolve to go was set in stone after she explained that the frat that was throwing the party just happened to be the same frat Jaehyun was a member of.

“And y’know, seeing as how you’ve been obsessing over him the past few weeks, it’s the perfect opportunity.”

You frown remembering her words and make your way to the kitchen with Yeri in tow. Various beverages, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, crowd the table and you recognize the guy standing nearby idly chatting with others. It’s Jaemin, an acting major in your history lecture with whom you frequently exchange notes with when either one of you decides to flake for the day. You vaguely recall him mentioning his fraternity association, but didn’t realize it happened to be this one. He sees the two of you approaching the drink table and he smiles widely.

“Oh hey, what’s up?” Jaemin greets casually. “Didn’t expect to see you here. How’d you think you did in the history final?”

You groan. “I don’t even want to talk about it. What’s important is that we’re finished and I won’t ever have to think about the WWII timeline for, hopefully, forever.”

“Amen,” Jaemin laughs. “I’ll drink to that.” He raises up his red solo cup to cheers, before realizing both you and Yeri had nothing to drink.

“Oh shit, I’m a pretty bad host, huh? First thing I should've done was get you two something to drink.” He chides himself, but his tone is playful. “What can I get for you, ladies?”

Before you can think about what you want, Yeri cuts you off, her tone matching Jaemin’s. “How about some shots to start off and we’ll forgive the lack of hospitality.”

Jaemin laughs again. “Alright, I like it.” His hands are adept at weaving around the table and finding the paper shot cups and the vodka. “Svedka’s okay, right?”

“We’re not picky.” You and Yeri agree. You take the shot in one gulp and the unpleasant burning in your throat makes you wince.

“Can I get you two anything else?”

“Yeah,” you say. “I think another shot and then a mixed drink. Anything’s fine, but preferably on the stronger side.” You look over at Yeri and she nods in agreement.

“Coming right up.” Jaemin agrees easily.

He pours the two of you another shot and you think he must be a generous guy because the shot is overflowing. You and Yeri cheer once more while Jaemin gets to work mixing a cherry bourbon with some Coke. He tops off the drinks with some ice before handing it over to the both of you. “Here they are. Enjoy, ladies.”

You thank him and take a sip before excusing yourself to make your way around the party. The drink is sweet and the smoky aftertaste of the bourbon gives it a pleasant edge. You and Yeri are attached to the hip as you drift from one part to another around the party, making easy going small talk along the way. You are sufficiently buzzed by this point and feel much lighter as though the party was somehow two degrees removed from your senses. You look over to check on Yeri and she’s noticeably drunker than you are, giggling about the simplest of things and slurring her words just the slightest bit. You make a mental note to ease the drinking, wanting to be sober enough to look after her in case anything were to arise.

The two of you are at the base of the stairs when you hear Mark’s voice calling Yeri’s name. You turn your attention upward to see him ambling down the stairs with excited fervor. His cheeks are flushed, more so than usual around Yeri, and you can tell it’s due to alcohol because Mark is holding her hands and you know he can never be so bold without the help of liquid courage.

“Yo Mark, slow down there.” A voice calls out and you look up again and you feel your breath caught in your throat.

There in front of your eyes is Jung Jaehyun in the flesh. He looks heavenly dressed in simple jeans and a white tee. You unconsciously swallow the lump in your throat and your heart beat gallops a mile a minute in your chest. Your mouth goes dry and you mindlessly gulp down swigs of your drink. You know Yeri would’ve sniggered at your current state had she not been so tipsy and completely preoccupied with Mark.

Jaehyun catches up to Mark and when he reaches the base of the stairs, he notices the two of you.

“Oh Jaehyun, lemme introduce you guys.”

As promised, Mark introduces everyone quickly and Jaehyun shoots a smile that seems to be aimed at you. “Nice to meet everyone.”

“Cool, now that everyone knows each other,” Mark starts. “Yeri, can I show you something?”

“Uh, y-yeah.”

You give Yeri a hard look and she takes your hand to squeeze it in reassurance. She looks at you pleadingly and there’s a confidence in her eyes that you can’t argue with. You relent and let her go.

Mark takes her by the hand and leads her up the stairs while you watch, slightly worried.

Jaehyun seems to have sensed your apprehension because the words that leave his mouth snaps you out of your perturbed state. “Don’t worry. Mark’s a good kid, you have nothing to worry about. You have my word on it.”

And suddenly the situation dawns on you. The boy of your recent all-consuming infatuation stands here before you, and it’s just the two of you alone. Any social skills you have, leave you and you’re unsure of what to do.

Jaehyun notices the awkward tension in the air and works quickly to dispel it. “Your drink’s looking low. Can I get you something else?”

You look down to your drink to see that he was right. Only a few sips remain. You didn’t realize you had drank so much at the sight of Jaehyun.

“Um, some water would be good. I don’t want to be too hungover tomorrow.” You answer shyly. You also need to be sober enough to look after Yeri, but you decide to leave that out.

Jaehyun chuckles, “sure thing. Here, come with me. I’ll get you some water.”

Jaehyun leads you to the kitchen with ease, seamlessly weaving through the crowds of people. Every group of people he passes greets him loudly to be heard of the pounding bass of the music. You are not surprised to see how popular he is.

Once in the kitchen, he grabs you a bottle of water and a beer for himself from the fridge and you thank him. The cold water is refreshing, but it does little to cool your nerves. The awkward tension is high and still ever present. You feel as though you’re drowning in it and you also feel like running away from here despite this being what you’ve wanted for more than anything for weeks on end.

“So,” Jaehyun starts, clearing his throat. “Mark told me you’re a CWP major?”

“Uh, y-yeah, actually.” You hate how you’re so flustered around him. “How’d he know? Did Yeri tell him or something?”

“He said you guys shared an arranging class last semester.” Jaehyun recalls.

“Wait, really? I had no idea.” You start going off on how you could’ve missed such a thing and Jaehyun smiles. You’re much more comfortable when a rhythm has been established and the words flow out of you easily. You’re not as relaxed as where Jaehyun wants you to be, but he thinks it’s a good start.

You continue with small talk from there, much less uptight than before and you feel glad. Jaehyun is as radiant in person as he is in your imagination. You find him to be very kind and your heart flutters even more. Jaehyun mentions he’s a musical theatre major and you do your best to act surprised despite it being one of the only things you know about him prior to this moment.

Before he gets a chance to tell you more about himself, a tall boy with long limbs calls out to Jaehyun that it’s his turn to join the next game of beer pong. Jaehyun looks reluctant to leave and you don’t want him to leave either, but you’d hate to hold him back from prior engagements.

“Would you,” Jaehyun licks his lips in consideration, “like to play with me? I don’t have a partner.”

You nod your head and readily agree, eager to spend more time with him.

You’ve only played beer pong a handful of times and being around Jaehyun makes you nervous, so you miss the first few shots. You feel embarrassed, but Jaehyun is patient and assures you that it’s no problem at all. His little words of encouragement mixed with the beer you drink helps melt your tension, and halfway through the game, you’re whooping and hollering with everyone watching the game.

You high-five Jaehyun without a second thought after nailing a perfect shot and Jaehyun smiles even wider. The two of you are leading when Taeyong comes in to kick everyone out.

“Sorry guys, party’s over.”

Groans of complaints could be heard throughout the crowd, but Taeyong’s words are firm and he ushers everyone to leave. He has a few other frat members behind him helping out. He reaches the beer pong table and pulls Jaehyun aside. After a few exchanged words, Jaehyun nods in agreement and ends the game completely, apologizing to his opponents.

You’re confused, so you carefully ask Jaehyun what’s going on. He sees you and his gaze softens, he quietly explains, “apparently, the campus police have received multiple noise complaints and since the fraternity already has a strike, Taeyong doesn’t really want to risk another. “

“Ah, I see.” You nod. You’re saddened by the turn of events, having finally eased into a relative comfort around Jaehyun and you yearn for more. “Well, I better go look for Yeri then.”

This is a goodbye and you’re unsure of what else to say to him, your disappointment mixes with alcohol making you feel even more miserable. You want to ask for more, but can’t find the words to reach him. Luckily, Jaehyun does it for you.

“Are you free sometime this week?” He asks. “I feel like we didn’t get a chance to really talk and I’d like to.”

Your heart hammers and the blood rushes in your ears, but you still find yourself uttering a mousy agreement.

“Great,” his smile is dazzling and you feel dizzy. “It’s a date then.”

5. 24 Hours by Sunmi

rushed minutes.

“Time goes by so quickly.”

“Hey,” a distant voice calls out and Jaehyun looks up from his phone to see your approaching figure. Your cheeks are rosy from the summer sun and stray pieces of your hair escape from your loosely styled updo. Jaehyun takes all of you in with careful appreciation.

“Hey yourself.” Jaehyun chuckles, slipping his phone casually in his pocket and standing up straighter to greet you properly.

Jaehyun sees the red of your face flush brighter, the soft color bleeding across your cheeks and onto your nose. Cute, he thinks. He watches as you tighten your grip on your clutch, knuckles white with nervous tension, in an attempt to gather your composure and calm your nerves. You clear your throat, “I didn’t know you’d be here so soon. You should’ve texted me.”

“It’s all good, I finished early.” Jaehyun notices you no longer stutter around him like the first night you two met. He’s glad the days and nights of sober texting after exchanging numbers at the party did wonders to make you feel comfortable around him. He’s not too worried about your current ‘first-date’ anxiety, knowing it’ll be dispelled soon enough. “Shall we?” He moves to open the door and the cool rush of air from the cafe greets the two of you.

The cafe is quaint and cozy, tucked away in a small corner of intersecting back streets and crowded buildings. Jaehyun discovered the little spot not too long ago and something, Jaehyun assumes his instincts, compelled him to take you to it for the first official date. It just felt right.

The two of you walk to the order counter and you take it all in. You can hear the quiet chatter of the cafe occupants mixed with the rattle of espresso machines being put to work. Your eyes scan over the decorations and several potted succulents hanging from the ceiling. It’s incredibly homey and you feel at ease.

“Hiya, I can help the two of you whenever you guys are ready.” The barista is cheerful to a fault and Jaehyun watches you shoot her a grateful smile before your eyes move to the menu to decide on what to get.

Jaehyun knows what he wants, so he waits patiently for you to decide, but seeing your eyebrows scrunch together in indecision, Jaehyun chuckles to himself. “I hear the iced lattes here are really good, particularly the caramel latte,” he offers.

You perk up in surprise, but you recover quickly, “okay, that sounds good then. I was between that and the iced cocoa.”

“No problem, I’ll order then. Today’s on me.” Jaehyun says.

Jaehyun walks up to the barista and quickly places the order. He reaches for his wallet after the barista recites the order, but he falters slightly when he sees your gaze glued to the cake display, particularly the crepe cake.

“Can I get a slice of the chocolate crepe cake over there too?”

“Of course! Here’s your new total,” she turns the touch screen display over to Jaehyun and he readily inserts his card to pay. When finished, Jaehyun turns back the screen and after a few taps from the barista, a receipt is printed and she hands him a buzzer.

“Your order will be out shortly.” She informs him.

Jaehyun smiles and says a small ‘thank you’ in return before turning his attention to you. You look up to meet his eyes and you smile, “can we sit over there by the window?”

You head to the little corner table first with Jaehyun steadily in tow. You sit at the chair that leaves your back to the window and Jaehyun is mesmerized by how the afternoon sunlight refracts through your silhouette. You’re glowing and Jaehyun swallows thickly.

“So,” he starts. “What have you been up to?”

“Celebrating finishing my first year of college in one piece.” You laugh lightly. “I got by with passable grades, but other than that Yeri and I just finished moving into our new dorms. We’re no longer freshmen, so first year dorms are off limits. I’m gonna miss the convenient location.” You jokingly mope.

Jaehyun laughs easily with you and before he gets a chance to reply, the buzzer goes off so he excuses himself to go pick up the order.

A different barista places down a tray with your two drinks and a small slice of cheesecake with two dessert forks resting on some napkins. “Enjoy your order!”

Jaehyun smiles in thanks and picks up the tray to bring it back to the table. He can’t wait to see the look on your face when you see the mille crepe cake and true to his expectations, your eyes light up at the sight of dessert.

“Surprise.” He says. “I saw you looking at it earlier.”

Jaehyun watches as you immediately grab a small fork and try a piece of the cake with unrestricted child-like excitement. Your eyes light up at the taste of the delicate layers of fresh whipped cream and thin crepes and the smile you shoot in his direction has Jaehyun’s heart beating a little faster than he’s willing to admit.

“Thank you!” You look up at him. “It’s so good, you should definitely try a bite too.”

“Yeah? I’ll try some then.” Jaehyun sits down and leans even closer to you over the table, his mouth open and expectant and his eyes staring straight into yours.

You try your best to bite back the scarlet fighting to stain your cheeks as you cinch off a small section of the cake with your fork. Your hand falters just the slightest bit when delivering the small confection to his awaiting mouth, but you push through and feed him despite the embarrassment you feel.

Jaehyun chews slowly and deliberately, taking his time to lick the stray whipped cream from the corner of his mouth. You lose the game of chicken, breaking eye contact first.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “It’s good. We should definitely come back.”

You let out a little awkward cough, desperate to ward off your cloud of emotions. “Uhm, yeah sure.”

Jaehyun has always thought you were cute, but he thinks you’re especially cute today.

“Anyway,” you start. You want to change the topic because you don’t think you can survive this tension without your brain frying. “I feel like I’ve just seen you around recently. I should’ve run into you a long time ago since the performing arts college is so small.”

“Oh,” Jaehyun is a little taken aback. “I used to be over at the East Campus. I was a business and administration major for two years before I switched over to musical theatre.”

“Wait really?” Your surprise erases any tension you felt earlier. “I had no idea.”

“Yeah,” he laughs. “It doesn’t really come up in conversation.”

“Why’d you switch over? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Jaehyun contemplates his reply for a second as takes a sip of his coffee. “Well, when I entered college, I didn’t really know what I wanted, so I just followed whatever my parents wanted me to do. I actually knew I liked musical theatre for the longest time, but it took time for me to build up the courage to switch. My parents weren’t happy with it at first and we fought for the longest time, but I think they’ve warmed up to it enough by now. I’ve never really talked about this though, I just tell people I transferred from a different college and the conversation just ends there I guess, but it’s really no big deal.”

“Thank you for telling me this, Jaehyun.” Your voice is sincere and Jaehyun believes you.

“What about you, hm?” Jaehyun returns. “Why CWP?”

“I don’t really have one point that changed my life and helped me find my calling or whatever,” you ponder with a tilt of the head and the taste of cream dissolving in your mouth. “But ever since I was little, I always knew I was gonna end up doing something in music. I was never good at singing though, so vocal performance was out the door and I wasn’t that interested in classical instruments either, so that helped me narrow stuff down. Actually, what really helped me decide was during orientation, my group leader was a contemporary writing and production major and she told me all about it and I’ve been sold ever since. I really like it though, and have no intention of switching.”

“That’s good. Sometimes I wish I switched earlier.” Jaehyun muses. “I feel so behind sometimes. Most people in my class have already been in at least one musical and an internship, except for me. I think about it a lot, but I try not to let it get me so down.”

“You shouldn’t feel that way!” You try your best to cheer him up, and Jaehyun appreciates it a lot more than he thought he would. “Everyone has their own pace, that’s what college is all about! Nothing is ever wasted time. You can think of your time as a business admin major as a way to help you make up your mind on your true passion. You told me you’ve always liked musical theatre, but I’ve bet without the time in business, you would’ve never known you liked it enough to pursue a career out of it.”

Jaehyun laughs at your earnesty. He thinks you’re a touch naive, but your words make him feel light. “You’re right. I can say for sure I wasn’t happy as a business major.”

“See? Nothing is ever wasted time if you can discover your true happiness out of it.”

The two of you exchange easy chatter after that and between small bites of cake and sips of coffee, Jaehyun thinks you’ve become prettier and prettier.

“What was it like?” You ask absentmindedly.

“Hm? What was ‘what’ like?”

“Being a business and administration major.”

Jaehyun has to think about it. He recalls constantly dressing up for group presentations and boring lectures, but his mind wanders to his activities outside the classroom. He remembers the constant partying and the blur of faces that helped him keep his bed warm. He remembers brief flings and relationships cut short. He doesn’t want to think about those things when he’s next to you. “Uhm. It was okay, nothing special, but that reminds me–”

“Yeah?”

“Are you free next weekend?”

“I should be. Why, what’s up?”

“Great,” Jaehyun smiles while taking the last sip of his coffee. “I’m having a housewarming party at my new apartment. You should definitely be there.”

The day of the long awaited housewarming party rolls up sooner than expected between settling into your new dorm with Yeri and the occasional small ‘get-togethers’ with Jaehyun. They’re actually dates if you're being honest, but you don’t want to put a title on anything in case he wasn’t on the same page as you. Being with Jaehyun made you giddy in more ways than one, but that means the anxiety that pools at the base of your stomach grows larger each day when the relationship between the two of you goes unnamed. You feel greedy when you desperately grasp at the shred of time you share with him, always unwillingly to let go.

“Are you ready?” Yeri’s voice breaks you out of your small reverie. Her hand is poised, ready to knock on the black door of Jaehyun’s apartment, waiting for you to gather your composure. Yeri is dressed to the nines in a cute skirt with a top to match. She wants to look good for her new boyfriend and you teased her endlessly for it when the two of you were getting ready.

“Mark’s one lucky guy.”

“Shut up. Worry about yourself.”

“All I do is love you, yet you’re so mean to me.”

Regardless of her harsh words toward you, she helped you toss your closet inside and out for the perfect outfit to woo Jaehyun, even if it meant showing up late to the party.

The two of you leave your dorm twenty minutes later than you intended and it also didn’t help that Jaehyun’s apartment was difficult to find, tucked away in a small building between towering skyscrapers, but now is finally the moment of truth.

“Yeah, I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” you mutter as you watch Yeri knock on the door.

It takes a minute before the door creaks open and Jaehyun’s head pops out. His smile is radiant and you’re absolutely ensnared by the way his fringe falls over his forehead.

“Hey, glad you two could make it.” Jaehyun opens the door wider to allow you and Yeri to enter. He greets Yeri with polite warmth while he wraps an arm over your shoulders. When Yeri heads in the apartment first with her back against the two of you, Jaehyun steals a quick peck to your temple and whispers, “you look pretty tonight.”

His touch is fleeting and he pulls back quickly, as if you imagined the whole thing, but his cheeky smile tells you that it really did happen. Your heart hammers and you force yourself to focus on the steady thrum of mellow R&B that reverberates throughout his apartment to calm yourself. You take his apartment in steady strides with your full attention. It’s sleek and modern with a few pops of his personality here and there in the form of trinkets decoration choices.

“Hey!” Johnny calls over from the couch. He has a beer in hand, but he’s far from tipsy. Flanked on one side is Doyoung with another beer to match and on the other is Sicheng. Seulgi, the girl, who you assume is Sicheng’s significant other, by the way his arm is casually wrapped around her waist, is also there and she nods at you in greeting. You've come to know about all of them after hanging out with Jaehyun so much. “Did you guys get lost or something?”

“Yeah,” Yeri replies as she moves to sit next to Mark who’s on the adjacent loveseat and resting a drink on the coffee table. “Something like that.”

She places a sweet kiss to the corner of Mark’s mouth in greeting and you swear you can hear him crooning at the attention.

“Doesn’t matter, Johnny. The important thing is that they’re here now.” Jaehyun interjects. “Do you guys want anything to drink?”

“That’d be nice.” You hum.

Yeri laughs in agreement, “yeah, the two of us could never say no to a drink.”

“Alright, I’m on it.” Jaehyun calls while moving to the kitchen. “Any preferences?”

“No,” you say. “Surprise us.”

Jaehyun works to mix drinks and you take a seat on the floor next to the coffee table to observe the party. Perched on the shelf of a slender bookcase in the corner of his living room is a bluetooth speaker playing music, the rhythm quiet and bass steady as everyone chatters away once introductions are made on the sofas. You remember him offhandedly mentioning that he doesn’t want any noise complaints on his first week in the new place and it makes sense. Jaehyun’s housewarming party is a quiet affair that is far different from the wild party at the frat house in which you met him, but you think this vibe fits Jaehyun more.

Jaehyun returns shortly with two drinks in tow for you and Yeri and sits himself snugly next to you on the floor. He picks his idle beer from the coffee table and once Johnny realizes that everyone in the proximity has a drink in hand, he raises his voice and beer in a toast. “It sucks that Taeyong couldn’t make it tonight, but here’s to having fun without him. We’re gonna get twice as fucked up to make up for his absence, cheers!”

Everyone lets out a chuckle, but obliges to humor him anyway and joins to connect their drink to his in cheers.

You pull your cup back and take a big gulp of the drink. It’s sweet and carbonated, but the sting of alcohol at your throat leaves you wincing just the slightest bit.

A few pleasantries are exchanged here and there, but it’s only then does Doyoung pull out a deck of cards with a devilish glint in his eyes that deceive his looks.

“Ring of fire, anyone?”

After who knows how many rounds of ring of fire (and maybe a few other drinking games here and there) with too many drink refills for you to remember, you somehow find yourself splayed on the couch and leaning over Yeri’s shoulder in support. Seulgi is on the other side of you leaning on you for support, the same way you’re doing to Yeri, but you don’t mind it one bit. The three of you have grown surprisingly close with one another throughout the night.

Your mind is lucid enough to still be conscious and completely aware of where you are and what you’re doing, but the alcohol in your system eats away at the details in your memory.

You vaguely recall ridiculous punishments that involved Johnny twerking on the dining room table and Mark taking a shot of Jack Daniels mixed with ketchup, and you can’t help but snicker to yourself.

“I think we should get going now.” Sicheng is the first to speak as he moves to help Seulgi up. “It’s getting late.”

Doyoung looks a little groggy, but when he checks the time, he perks up immediately, “oh shit, you’re right. I need to get going too, I’ve got something in the morning.”

With that everyone shuffles to clean the remnants of the party with as much grace as they can muster while intoxicated, which wasn’t much, but in twenty minutes, Jaehyun is already walking half the party to the door in goodbye. Only you, Mark, and Yeri are left.

“Hey Yeri,” Mark calls softly to Yeri as he brushes a strand of hair from her face. “Are you ready to go too?”

Yeri is still sprawled on the couch with you, but mumbles a small response. “Yeah, I should be. Give me a second.”

She turns over to you and nudges you just the slightest bit. “I’m gonna go back to Mark’s tonight, are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” you assure her. “I’ll be fine, just go have fun.”

“She’s free to rest here until she’s ready to leave, don’t worry. I’ll call a cab for her when the time comes.” Jaehyun pipes up.

Yeri gives you a look, but you squeeze her hand one last time to give her some peace of mind. “I’m a big girl, Yeri. I’ll be okay, promise. I’ll walk you to the door, Mark’s waiting.”

You give Yeri a tight hug in goodbye and you find your way back to the couch. The fact that you’re all alone in Jaehyun’s apartment doesn’t hit because of the remnants of alcohol in your system melts away your nerves.

You’re pleasantly buzzed, lost in your own thoughts when Jaehyun comes up to you with a glass of water in hand. “Here, so you don’t feel as bad tomorrow morning.”

You accept it gratefully and take in big gulps, the water refreshing, but your skin feels hot.

Jaehyun takes a seat next to you and the proximity makes your head spin. You turn to look at him, and he flashes you a smile.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”

“You might’ve mentioned something.” You tease. “But I don’t mind hearing it again.”

“Well,” he hums. You’re not sure, but you think the distance between the two of you is decreasing. “You really do look stunning tonight.”

You flush at his words, but you look straight into his eyes. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“Yeah? I try to impress.” Jaehyun’s eyes are hooded and your throat goes dry. “Can I kiss you?”

You say nothing at first, his words not registering into your muddled brain, but when you feel his breath ghost over your lips, you don’t hesitate to close the gap between you.

His lips are slightly chapped and you can taste the vodka on his breath, but to you it’s perfect. Jaehyun’s perfect.

Jaehyun kisses you with reserved passion and practiced expertise. His tongue sets the rhythm against yours and his roaming hands have you feeling as if you’ve been set ablaze. He pulls back just the tiniest bit and the intense longing for his touch that hits you is indescribable.

You pull him back in your arms and your lips reconnect in a desperate fervor. Jaehyun adjusts his arms around you and the next you know, you’re in his embrace and he’s carrying you to his bedroom. He places you down gently, his bed is plush and comforter soft.

Jaehyun’s touch is gentle as he gathers your face in his hands. He kisses you again and you wrap your arm around his neck to pull him closer. He pulls back and looks at you earnestly. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We don’t have to do anything tonight.”

Everything’s moving so fast and you’re dizzy, but you don’t want whatever this is to stop. You want to be as close to Jaehyun as possible.

“No,” your voice is hoarse. “Don’t stop. I want you, Jaehyun.”

He kisses you again, this time unrestrained. His tongue is hot, but you can only savor it for a minute before he starts trailing kisses down your neck and tugging at your shirt. You let out a breathy moan in response to how his touches make you feel.

Jaehyun reaches at your shorts and makes quick work at unbuttoning them. You help him remove the article of clothing and his slender fingers dart inside your panties. You’re slick to the touch and Jaehyun must be made of magic because you think you’re seeing stars. You unravel before him embarrassingly quick, but he kisses you at the base of your clavicle in sweet reassurance.

Your chest is heaving, but you want more. You grab at Jaehyun’s shirt, urging him to take it off. The expanse of his abdomen is a sight to behold, but Jaehyun is cruel and doesn’t give you the time to take it in. He’s on top of you again, lips crashing onto yours once more. He reaches behind you to unclasp your bra and while he’s pre-occupied, you unbuckle his belt and steal a moment in his boxers. He feels thick and hot in your hands as you run your finger over the tip to feel a drop of pre-cum. He buckles just the slightest bit and it emboldens you.

Jaehyun helps himself out of his jeans and you push him onto the bed wanting to be on top this time. He’s straining against his boxers and you want to help relieve the tension. When you pull off his boxers you can feel his inaudible groan. You stroke his length gingerly and look up to see him with hooded eyes look right back at you.

This excites you so you take him in your mouth in a moment of unfiltered courage. Your tongue starts at the base before tracing your way up to his sensitive head. You tease him accordingly to his quiet grunts and groans and when you feel like he’s had enough, you take all of him in until his tip is hitting the back of your throat. You gag a bit, but push through.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun stutters out between stacatoed breaths. “Babe, you’re so good.”

You hum in pleasure at his praise and he grabs your hair. This goes on for a few more minutes before he reaches down to stop you. “Not that I don’t love this,” the look in your eyes nearly has him faltering his words, “but I don’t want to cum just yet.”

You relent with a slick pop and Jaehyun shifts over to rummage for a condom in his nightstand. You settle back down in his pillows. Jaehyun gives you a soft kiss on the lips before he enters you.

“Tell me when it’s okay to move,” he whispers and you place a small kiss at the base of his neck.

He starts off slow to let you acclimate to his size, but neither of you are very patient, so he ends up pounding into you a lot sooner than he anticipated and you find yourself getting caught up in the pleasure.

It feels like you’re dreaming, but if this was a dream, you never want to wake up.

6. Hush by Miss A

shh, no talking, just us.

“I can’t think straight.”

You and Jaehyun don’t become official until a few weeks later.

He asks you one day when you’re naked and out of breath. You’ve gone one too many rounds with him and a thin layer of sweat coats your body as you lay on his heaving chest. You absentmindedly draw shapes on his skin and he gives you a chaste kiss to your temple.

“We should date.” He hums. “I think I’d make a good boyfriend.”

“Yeah?” You raise your eyebrow in teasing.

“Yeah,” he ascertains. “Give me a chance and I’ll show you.”

“Hmm,” you pretend to think it over as if this wasn’t you’ve been hoping for since the first moment you laid eyes on him. “Okay. Let’s give it a try, boyfriend.”

Jaehyun laughs and you feel the world fall into its right place. “Alright, girlfriend.”

And the rest is history as they say.

Jaehyun isn’t your first, but you experience many firsts with him. You’re not exactly inexperienced, but he really opens your eyes.

“Fuck,” he groans into your neck. His hands grip at your hips to help guide you along, but you’re fully in charge. “You’re doing so good, babe. Just like that.”

You didn’t see yourself as someone who liked to take charge during sex, but after that one time Jaehyun asked you to top, you’ve never looked back since.

You roll hips into him and at a pace you know drives Jaehyun wild and you pull him into a sloppy kiss. It’s all tongue and no grace, but you love it the same regardless. You capture his bottom lips between your teeth playfully before pushing him flat on his back until he’s firm against his plush mattress. You place a hand on his chest and the other on his thigh to balance yourself and Jaehyun immediately knows you’re close.

A hand rests on your hip to steady you while the other snakes over to play with your clit to further stimulate you toward your climax. Jaehyun knows what you like and his timing is impeccable, so before you know it, both of you are reaching your highs together. You collapse on his chest and you allow yourself to stay in his warmth long enough to have your breaths synchronize before you extricate yourself from him to head to his bathroom.

When you come back out, he’s disposed of the used condom and opens your arm wide for a hug, which you gladly indulge in.

Time stops when you’re in his arms.

On the surface, it looks like Jaehyun likes to mix it up. He seems like an elusive guy with varied tastes, but the more time you spend with him, you realize he likes the control of seeing you unravel before him.

He likes the intimacy of missionary.

The close proximity to your body has him looking into your eyes and leaving you feeling the most vulnerable of ways. He has full access to your neck, which he lovingly claims as his own and you chide him the next day when you see scattered purple blooms. Jaehyun changes his pace on a whim and you fall to his mercy. When he takes you fast and hard, you see stars, but when thrusts in you with languid leisure, he has you begging for more.

He likes the intensity of taking from behind.

When you’re on your knees with your ass in the air, he takes it as a guarantee to fuck you senseless. Your muffled moans makes his dick twitch and you swear you can feel him fuck into you even faster. Jaehyun always makes sure to wrap his arms around you to finger your clit until you go into sensory overload and he doesn’t stop pounding into you until there are tears in your eyes. He kisses each one away before taking your lips in his and you can taste the salt water on his tongue.

He likes the dominance from eating you out.

He laps at your core like a starved man and makes good use of his adept fingers until your head is spinning. Jaehyun makes it a habit to eat you out until you’re satisfied before he gets his turn. When your thighs are on either side of his head and your hands tangled in his hair, he swears he can stay there forever.

Above all, Jaehyun just likes you. He likes being with you and he definitely likes fucking you and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Mmmh,” you breathe out.

Your back is flush against Jaehyun’s back as you rock your hips back and forth on his dick. You grind your ass back even harder when he pinches your nipple between his fingers.

He kisses your shoulder blade from behind and bucks his hip upward to meet you in the middle.

The afternoon sunlight is streaming in from the gaps of his blinds and you want to take it nice and slow today. The television in front of you is playing a movie, but you’re too enraptured by the feeling of him filling you to the brim to pay it any mind.

“I love it when you’re on top, babe.” he hums as he plays with your clit.

You let out another breathy groan before you can find the composure to bite back at him. “What happened to no sex today, hmm? I thought we were just going to have innocent quality time together and watch a movie.”

Jaehyun must’ve not liked your sass, so he bucks up harder. He’s telling you to pick up the pace and you oblige. Before you know, you’re practically bouncing on his dick and you can feel your impending high about to crash down on you. He can sense it too and maintains his tempo. When you cum, Jaehyun rides on the tail of your climax in pursuit of his own. He cums shortly after with stuttering hips and a bite on your shoulder. He gathers you in his arms and runs his tongue soothingly over where he bit you and the various love bites that he’s littered on the expanse of your skin.

“Just being with you is quality time in itself.” He says. “Besides, class is starting soon, so I won’t get to see you as much.”

7. Disturbance by BoA

a ripple on the surface.

“I didn’t know at first.”

“So I do have a roommate after all,” Yeri’s voice calls out and you turn over to see her standing by the doorway. You roll your eyes at her, but quickly turn back to gather your things.

She lets out a chuckle, but you don’t miss the sour edge to her tone. “I thought I got a single dorm since it’s so empty all the time.”

“You say that, Yeri,” you retort. “But I know you’re over at Mark’s constantly so I don’t wanna hear it from you.”

“Yeah, but I make time to come back here and I always let you know when I’m going out. I feel like I’ve only seen you maybe once or twice the past few months. I feel like the only reason I see you these days is ‘cause of classes.”

“You’re just exaggerating, don’t be so dramatic. Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to be late.”

She looks displeased, but nothing leaves her lips as the two of you head out for the day.

It’s late.

When night falls, shadows come out to play and your college campus is riddled with them. The school auditorium is situated in the far corner of the campus and the lamp lights of the main walkways do little, but you pay it little mind. Jaehyun should be getting out soon.

It takes another ten minutes to see him emerge from the double doors and you perk up immediately at the sight of him. He looks a little shocked to see you, but greets you with a warm hug and small peck regardless.

“Hey,” his voice is small, almost reserved. “What are you doing here? I thought I told you I was finishing late tonight.”

“Oh, you did, but I still wanted to see you.” You explain, eyes bright and tone undeterred.

“Not that I don’t appreciate it,” he licks his lip. “But it’s really late and I still have more stuff I need to work on. I’ll see you some other time, okay?”

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, babe. Next time.”

“Oh hey,” you smile, but Yeri’s fury is palpable and cuts through you.

“Don’t ‘oh hey’ me.” She spits out. “Where have you been? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

Sheepish, you reply, “oh sorry. I forgot to fully charge it before leaving and Jaehyun and I have different phones, so I couldn’t charge it at his place.”

“You were at Jaehyun’s?” Yeri is glaring at you at this point and you feel a bit peeved.

“Yeah. What of it?”

Yeri’s been getting angry at you recently, losing her temper at the drop of a hat, and you can’t seem to pinpoint why. You’re getting tired of being her punching bag.

“We made plans to go shop for Seulgi’s gift today. You promised you’d be there, don’t you remember?”

“Oh shit.” It completely slips from your mind and you open your mouth to apologize, but Yeri cuts you off before you get the chance.

“Forget it. I don’t want to hear it. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Yeri turns to leave before you can say anything back.

8. Symptoms by SHINee

something’s wrong.

“The worse it gets, the more exhausted I get.”

Jaehyun feels off.

He can’t pinpoint exactly what he is that he’s feeling, but he thinks it’s reminiscent of his world being tilted by six degrees. It’s not immediately jarring and takes little time for his eyes to register, but he’ll occasionally bump his toe, signalling that this isn’t right. Things aren’t where they’re supposed to be. His head spins just the slightest bit and he feels woozy, but he doesn’t know why.

Jaehyun just feels off.

Jaehyun checks the bulletin board of his school auditorium almost religiously.

Each time before and after class, he’ll swing by and peruse the flyers that hang from haphazardly stuck on pins. He ignores the tutoring offers and the part time jobs scams, his main focus is almost always on the center of the board where they post the upcoming musical theatre production and eventually, the cast list.

This semester, the chosen production is La La Land and Jaehyun has been dead set on landing the role of Sebastian Wilder. He stays back extra late each day to practice the script and to work on his singing and annunciation.

On the day of the audition, he’s sure he’s nailed it and thinks to himself the world must be ending if he weren’t to get the leading role.

When he leaves the auditorium in a rush, excitement flows through his veins and he drinks in the night air as a toast of victory. He’s tipsy on his excitement and wants to laugh out loud, but in the corner of his vision, he sees you. Your eyes light up the sight up, outshining the moon and the stars, but your visage does not elicit the reaction he thinks it should. He expects his heart to swell and burst, but somehow he feels heavy.

He pulls you in for a hug and a quick kiss to quell his weighted heart, but he thinks he’s starting to sink so he calls you off for the night. He’ll see you next time.

Yeah, next time will be better.

You’re snuggled up close and personal on Jaehyun’s chest. Jaehyun notices you fill every nook and cranny of his being perfectly to a tee, and yet that feeling. It’s there again.

Jaehyun feels off.

You laugh at something one of the characters say and you cuddle harder into him. He feels heavy again and it makes his throat itch, so he swoops down and captures your lips.

It’s hard and fast to scrub away at his uneasiness and before he knows it, his clothes are missing, but so are yours. The foreplay is brief and almost impersonal, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to be inside you.

When Jaehyun has you begging and writhing, he feels like the world is where it should be. No longer is he living at a slight angle when he’s buried to the hilt inside your warmth, so when he sees you, he does what he can to get you out of your pants.

Today is no different from any other.

After a satisfying session you roll on his chest. Your kiss is soft and sweet despite the sweat that covers both of your bodies. He hums quietly as he taps melodies on along your exposed spine.

“Jaehyun?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I love you.”

Ah. Jaehyun thinks he’s getting it now, why he’s feeling off.

Jaehyun thinks he’s being suffocated.

To the surprise of no one, and especially not to him, Jaehyun gets the leading role of Sebastian Wilder in La La Land. He was a shoe-in for it anyway and he made sure to put in the work to get it.

His leading lady is someone by the name of Park Sooyoung, but at the first rehearsal she introduces herself as Joy.

“It’s nice to meet you.” She offers her hand out in a friendly greeting. “Here’s to a successful show together, Jaehyun.”

Her smile is blinding and he thinks Joy is a fitting name. He grasps her outstretched hand, grip firm and sure.

“Yeah,” he smiles back. “Here’s to a good show together.”

Rehearsals span over blurred minutes and long hours.

Jaehyun sees less and less of you and spends more and more time with her.

During a quick water break, he scans his phone briefly to see a text notification from you. He takes another swig of water and returns to the rehearsal.

It’s okay, he can always text you back later.

9. Before U Go - TVXQ!

letting go.

“I will leave now.”

“Come on!” You tug both Mark and Yeri along excitedly. “I want to get good seats.”

Yeri rolls her eyes, but obliges anyway, pulling Mark along. It’s opening night for Jaehyun’s big musical and you wanted to be there no matter what to support him. Johnny, Doyoung, Taeyong, Sicheng, and Seulgi are already inside waiting and you’re not sure if they were able to save the three of you a spot.

After a long chat with Yeri, you apologized profusely to her. You did get blinded by your relationship with him and prioritized him over everything, forgetting your friends and other responsibilities in the process. Yeri forgave you easily and helped keep you in line when you went to head over heels for Jaehyun.

However, after patching things up with Yeri, you begin to notice a shift in your relationship with Jaehyun’s. You’re not quite sure how to describe it, but it almost feels like a distance almost.

You chalk it up to his busy rehearsal schedule and choose not to dwell on the topic, in fears of your wandering imagination. It should be fine. After his musical is over, he’ll be less busy and things will fall back into place.

Right?

“Over here!” Seulgi waves over excitedly.

The auditorium is starting to fill up and you want to get comfortable before the show starts.

Everyone greets each other in hushed tones and soon enough, the show starts.

Right. Everything will be fine.

Jaehyun does amazing.

Your eyes are trained on him the whole time and his singing has goosebumps pricking your skin. You can see the passion pour through him every time he’s on stage and you couldn’t be more proud.

A nagging feeling at the pit of your stomach points out the undeniable chemistry between him and his co-star, but you push it deep down and suppress it.

They’re actors, and they’re good at what they do.

Yeah. They’re just acting. Yeah. Acting.

When the curtains close, you’re the first to shoot out of your seat, eager to meet him backstage. You weave through the endless crowd of people, murmuring your ‘sorry’s’ and ‘excuse me’s’ as you pass by. You reach the base of the backstage and shoot a message to let him know you’re waiting. You hum to yourself when you happen to overhear a conversation playing out.

“You did so good, Jae.”

“No, you definitely carried the show.”

You turn up and you see them. Her eyes are almost soft and loving as she pulls your boyfriend in for a hug. They linger in the embrace longer than necessary and you clear your throat to catch his attention.

He jolts just the slightest bit when he sees you and immediately lets her go.

“Everyone’s waiting,” you say quietly.

“Okay,” he nods. “Let me go get my stuff in the back.”

Jaehyun leaves the two of you alone and you wait for him to get back.

When you leave, he waves goodbye to her and she smiles back.

Jaehyun’s celebration party is rowdy, but it’s to be expected when Johnny is the one hosting.

He books a table at the local club and even orders bottle service. The eight of you work your way through two whole bottles of tequila and are already on your third. Jaehyun is downing the shots at a quicker pace than usual and you’re a bit concerned, but you’re unable to say anything because when you try, he whisks himself away to the dance floor and strikes up a conversation with someone else.

You’re perturbed, but you say nothing. This is his celebration night and he can choose to enjoy it how he wishes.

By the end of the night, Jaehyun is noticeably drunk and you haul him outside to get a breath of fresh air in hopes of sobering up. He’s heavy, but you make it out the side door. You prop him up on your side as you lean on the grimy brick walls.

Months have passed and the weather is chilly.

Jaehyun’s body sways and he murmurs something in your ear. You don’t catch it the first time, the overwhelming smell of tequila overtaking your senses.

“What was that?”

He grumbles beneath his breath, steps staggering once more. He tries again, this time his words are crisp and clear and they cut into you in more ways than one.

“I think we should end it.”

For someone so drunk, he sounds so sober.

You’re at a loss for words. A part of you knew this was coming from his lack of enthusiasm around you and his decreased texts. Even the cold night air couldn’t keep your heartbreak at bay. You say nothing, but you understand the both of you knew it was a silent agreement.

You breathe out wisps of chilled air as Jaehyun’s inebriated body stays slumped over on your side.

You volunteer to take Jaehyun home.

You tuck him gently in bed making sure to prop him on his side in case he vomits during the night. You pour a glass of water and place an ibuprofen on his nightstand drawer for him in the morning.

You kiss him on the forehead one last time. You hope it conveys all of the things brewing in your heart at the moment, but you know it doesn’t.

Later, you leave his apartment with all of your belongings that you ever left there with the stars as your witness.

You never return to his place again.

10. Coffee Shop by B.A.P

what could’ve been.

“So without knowing, like a habit, I came here.”

Jaehyun wakes up to an empty bed.

Morning sunlight streams through his blinds and burns at his skin as a sign to get ready for the day. He blinks the drowsiness from his system and stretches his weary joints before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

On his rare day offs, he allows his body to go on auto-pilot. He completely shuts his brain off and allows it to do whatever it chooses.

Today, it takes him back to the cafe.

His body knows where it’s going before it registers in his mind.

The barista manning the order counter is different, but the decorations are the same, still the same succulents hanging from the ceilings. He mulls over the menu and goes up to order.

“Can I get an iced caramel latte?” Jaehyun doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but he’s feeling nostalgic today.

“Of course! Here’s your total.”

He pays with a swipe of his card and the barista goes to work making his drink. He waits around by the counter and soon enough, his drink is ready. That particular table is empty, so he grabs a chair to sit. His first sip is overly saccharine, but he appreciates how the flavor mellows out by the end of it.

It’s been nearly a year since that night.

Jaehyun remembers waking up to a splitting headache and a dry mouth. He thought nothing of the prepared setup as he gulps the ibuprofen and the glass of water in one go. Nothing seemed amiss really until a few days later.

No one mentioned your name around him and he caught Seulgi giving him a look every now and then. Mark didn’t say much either, but Jaehyun felt him drifting away.

He thought he’d feel a lot more, but he didn’t. One day you were a part of his life and then the next day you weren’t. It really was that simple.

He kept in contact with Joy even after La La Land was over and maybe they were something more, but it didn’t last longer than a few weeks.

It didn’t feel right when he was with her. Again, something felt off, but a different kind of off.

Joy was the one to end things with him, but he didn’t mind too much.

He filled his days with study and practice and it wasn’t until he landed a job at his local theatre company that he realized.

It was you. It was always you and perhaps it still is you.

Maybe you were different. Maybe you were the one, but Jaehyun didn’t try.

He recalls feeling smothered. You were always there at the beginning, but he took that for granted.

There are a lot of things he regrets, but above all, he regrets not talking with you. He regrets not trying to work on it. He regrets being a coward and running away at the first signs of true emotions.

You weren’t perfect, but neither was he, but he should’ve stayed so the both of you could work it out together. Jaehyun always did take too long to find the courage to pursue what he wanted.

With a final sip, he finishes the drink and moves to throw it away. Then, he sees you. Here, in the flesh, in almost a year.

Your hair is longer, but your cheeks are still as rosy as ever. You walk up to order and Jaehyun thinks it’s a sign. He moves to greet you, but the doors open again and in walk Yeri and Seulgi. He watches you greet them warmly with wide open arms.

You always did give the best hugs.

Jaehyun watches the three of you chatter away and he feels acutely out of place in the little cafe. You look happy and he should move on.

He throws his finished cup in the trash can and moves to exit through the side door, but he moves too slowly.

“Jaehyun, is that you?” You call out. He looks into your steady gaze and almost feels shy.

“Yeah,” he’s quiet. “It’s been awhile.”

“It has,” you agree. “You look well.”

The smile you give him has him believing in second chances and maybe he’ll get it right this time.

Note: i am so sorry that the second part is a hot mess express smh… there were a lot of things i planned and intended that didn’t happen, but i’ll just take this as a learning experience and write and better story next time. thanks for taking the time to read this !! <3

masterlist.

#nctcreations #cznnet #neowritingsnet #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun smut #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fluff #nct scenario #nct fanfic #nct smut #nct angst #nct fluff

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takahero · 3 years

Text

in honour of finishing inkspell, here are some basta observations I picked up along the way. also, inkspell spoilers warning! i also have MANY MANY thoughts so i’d love to hear what you guys think to some of the questions raised

“He hadn’t changed: the same thin face, the same way of narrowing his eyes, and there was an amulet dangling around his neck to ward off the bad luck that Basta thought lurked under every ladder, behind every bush.” — pg.138

“Basta’s left hand was bandaged, Elinor noticed when he took his fingers away from her mouth.” — pg.139

“‘I’d have been here much sooner, believe you me, but they put me in jail for a while on account of something that happened years ago. No sooner was Capricorn gone than all the people who’d been too scared to open their mouths suddenly felt very brave.’” — pg.140 (see they never tell us WHY he was in prison, do they? the possibilities are endless. we know he committed atrocious things, like arson, but imagine if he got put in jail for something completely different…LOL)

“‘You wouldn’t believe how often I’ve told him there’s nothing to be ashamed of in going to jail, particularly when your prisons here are so much more comfortable than our dungeons at home.’” — pg.140 (OHHHTMGOD MEME IDEA)

“Basta flung his arm so roughly round Orpheus’ neck that his glasses slipped down his nose.” — pg.141

“‘Hold your tongue, Basta!’ Mortola interrupted him abruptly. ‘You’ve always liked the sound of your own voice.’” — pg.141

“‘Well, Silvertongue, I’m sorry it’s taken some time,’ he said in his soft, cat-like voice.” — pg.180

“‘My son always said revenge was a dish best eaten cold,’ observed Mortola.” — pg.181 (question. did basta find out about mortola’s true identity between inkheart & inkspell? do u think he realised it when mortola cried when capricorn died?)

“Basta passed a finger over his throat and winked at him.” — pg.186 (wink 2 LMAO)

“Basta bent down and picked up a rusty helmet lying at his feet. ‘What do you expect me to say?’ he growled, throwing the helmet back into the grass with a gloomy expression, and giving it a kick that sent it clattering against the wall. ‘Of course it’s our castle. Didn’t you see the figure of the goat on the wall there? Even the carved devils are still standing, though they wear ivy crowns now — and look, there’s one of the eyes that Slasher liked to paint on the stones.’” — pg.190

“‘So Basta was right after all. He’s dead, here and in the other world too.’” — pg.191 (interesting….so Basta knew Mortola’s plan wouldn’t work? he just wanted a ride home?)

“‘I’d really like to know what happened!’ he muttered. ‘I always said Capricorn wasn’t here, but what about the others?…What are we going to do if they’re all gone?’ Basta sounded like a boy afraid of the dark. ‘Do you want us to live in a cave like brownies until the wolves find us? Have you forgotten the wolves? And the Night-Mares, the fire-elves, all the other creatures crawling around the place…I for one haven’t forgotten them, but you would come back to this accursed spot where there are ghosts lurking behind every tree!’ He reached for the amulet dangling around his neck, but Mortola did not deign to look at him.

“‘Oh, be quiet!’ she said, so sharply that Basta flinched.” — pg.192

“‘You’re going to leave them here?’ That was Basta’s voice.” — pg.193 (at first I was like oh so he has a heart….but then he was mean to resa straight after this 🙄)

“‘Sorry, but he must have overlooked me, shut up in that cage as I was,’ purred Basta in his catlike voice.” — pg.377

“‘Wasn’t it Mortola who had you put in the cage to be fed to the Shadow?’ Basta just shrugged his shoulders and flung back his silver-grey cloak. Of course, he had his knife. A brand new one, it seemed, finer than any he’d ever had in the other world, and undoubtedly just as sharp.

“‘Yes, not very nice of her,’ he said as his fingers caressed the handle of the knife. ‘But she’s really sorry.’” — pg.377 (okay so it SOUNDS like he threatened/made some kind of bargain with his knife, but I strongly doubt that considering how afraid he seems of her?? i know he’s technically working for the adderhead but even by the end of the book, it seems he is far closer to mortola than adderhead. what is their relationship? or does he sincerely think she’s sorry/has deluded himself into believing such? UGH SO MANY QUESTIONS)

“Basta had always liked describing his own and other people’s abominable deeds in detail.” — pg.378

“‘But we’re not going to shoot you.’ Basta came a little closer to Fenoglio, his face as intent as that of a stalking cat.” — pg.378 …. living for all the cat references tbh

“‘He wants you to crawl on your belly to him, that’s what our noble lord and master likes. But never mind, he pays well!’” — pg.378 (yes basta all abt getting that bread LMAOOOO)

“He slowly drew the knife from his belt. Its blade was long and slightly curved.” — pg.379

“‘Hey Basta, I know you like the sound of your own voice.’” — pg.379 (AHAHAHAHA HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE CALLED OUT BASTA ON THIS NOW? IVE LOST TRACK)

“With a regretful sigh, Basta put the knife back in his belt. ‘Yes, very well, you’re right,’ he said in surly tones. ‘I need to take my time with this sort of thing. Questioning people is an art, a real art.’” — pg.380 (LMAOOOOOOO HE IS SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN)

“Basta. The same thin face, the same twisted smile. Only the clothes were different. Basta was no longer wearing his white shirt and black suit with the flower in his buttonhole. No, Basta now wore the Adderhead’s silvery grey, and he had a sword at his side. With a knife in his belt too, of course. But he was holding a dead chicken in his left hand.” — pg. 455

“‘Yes, they are!’ purred Basta. ‘The little witch, and the fire-eater into the bargain. It was well worth the wait. Even though I’ll probably never get that damned flour out of my lungs again.’” — pg.455 (ok….so who’s gonna draw basta sitting amongst the flour AAHHAHA)

“‘Servant? Who’s a servant here? Just listen to him. As bold as if he’d never felt my knife! Have you forgotten how you screamed when it cut your face?’” — pg.457 … don’t call basta a servant…..noted

“‘Oh, don’t look so disbelieving, little witch, I still can’t read and I don’t intend to learn, but there are enough fools around the place who can, even in this world.’” —pg. 457 (i wonder how much capricorn influenced basta’s views on reading. because capricorn said that he learnt how to read from a maid, right? so basta certainly wouldn’t have trash-talked reading in front of him. and even after living in OUR world for nine years, I’m still surprised that he never attempted to learn, given how dependent we are on it. anyway my headcanon is that he secretly wants to, but doesn’t want to give others the satisfaction of knowing they have something he doesn’t. also nobody he knows would be willing to teach him (unless he threatened them) bc of his obviously violent and short-tempered nature…and learning requires so much patience. still, though, would love a fic of basta being taught how to read in secret and having some kind of positive interaction)

“‘You’re even more talkative than you used to be, Basta.’ Dustfinger’s voice sounded as if he found this tedious.” — pg.458 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH IM DYING. honestly the animosity between them was just. A+++

“Basta was in an even worse state. He was sitting close to Mortola, his face so red and swollen that Meggie almost failed to recognise him. But he had escaped death once again. Perhaps the good-luck charms he always wore worked after all.” — pg.526

“The sunlight falling into the room made Basta’s face look like a boiled lobster.” — pg.575

“Basta put his hand to the amulet hanging around his neck. It was not a rabbit’s paw, as he had worn in Capricorn’s service, but something that looked suspiciously like a human finger-bone.” — pg.581 (THIS STILL IRKS ME SO MUCH)

“The Piper straightened his back, as ready to attack as the viper on his master’s coat of arms…He was a good head taller than Basta.” — pg.582 WHY DO I KEEP FORGETTING HES NOT TALL LMFAO

“The two men were standing so close that the blade of Basta’s knife wouldn’t have fitted between them.” — pg.582 HAHAHAJAHAAJAHAHHAAHAHAHAH PKESJENE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH … IMAGINE BASTA SQUARING UP W HIS NOSE JUST SMACK BANG IN THE MIDDLE OF PIPER’S CHEST OR SOMETHING

“The Piper struck Basta in the face so hard that his head hit the door frame. Blood ran down his burned cheek in a trail of red. He wiped it away with the back of his hand. ‘Take care to avoid dark corridors, Piper!’ he whispered. ‘You don’t have a nose any more, but one can always find something else to cut off.’” — pg.582-583 THIS SCENE WAS SIMPLY……CHEF’S KISS

are you serious is he dead??? WHAT. okay I knew dustfinger’s love for farid would be the end of him and basta being the instrument to rip that away from him was totally heartrending. i WISH it had been more climactic? like dustfinger unleashing his fury and fighting basta, blind with anger and grief. THE DIALOGUE POTENTIAL BETWEEN THEM AS THEY FINALLY TALK ONE-ON-ONE, and then some revisiting of the scene where dustfinger has the opportunity to kill basta but AGAIN withholds because killing is not in his nature….THEN MO IN SHINING ARMOUR SWOOPS IN TO DO THE JOB

now, off to inkdeath!

#inkspell #inkspell spoilers #basta #inkheart trilogy #BASTAAAAAA

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sun-spice · 3 years

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@themagnuswriters is apparently doing a fic appreciation thing? Have I got that right? I've been busy as fuck lately so I haven't had the energy to properly appreciate the stuff I've been reading, but I do happen to have an old rec list in my drafts that I'd forgotten about. If I have the time I might do another one with some more recent stuff and maybe an additional nsfw reclist :)

List under the cut, word counts and completion statuses are probably out of date.

the sword of damocles by penhaligon | post-160 apocalypse averted, hurt/comfort | 89k, ongoing, T | minor JonMartin

Summary: Martin interrupts Jonah's ritual. That doesn't mean their problems are solved.

Jon, Martin and Basira set off to deal with Jonah once and for all after the ritual is interrupted. To make matters worse for them, however, the Fears now know of said ritual and are each determined to pull it off themselves. Stunning prose in this one, I love how penhaligon builds up small moments of suspense.

where there's a will, we will make a way by bubonickitten | S4 time travel fix-it | 107k, ongoing, T | minor JonMartin

Summary: Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Late series time travel fix-it with communication between the characters. Some development on minor characters as well, which I love, and lots of relatable hard conversations <3

An Cailleach agus an Fear Sidhe by Drowsy_Salamander | urban fantasy, fae au, witchcraft | 30k, ongoing, T | JonMartin, Martin & Sasha & Tim

Martin moves to join a witch coven consisting of Tim and Sasha. The three of them have to pick up the slack protecting their town, previously lacking witch presence, from the fair folk. Meanwhile there are people in the town who know more than they're letting on.

Loving the dynamic between Martin, Sasha and Tim so far. The exposition and worldbuilding is well delivered and the beginnings of a mystery start to drag you in. What do Jon, Daisy and Basira have to do with everything? What is Jane Prentiss hoping to achieve?

A Home For What Loves You by TheWrongShop | canon divergence, hurt/comfort, slow burn romance | 66k, ongoing, T | JonMartin

Summary: Jon and Martin end up investigating Carlos Vittery's basement and finding the entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss together.

Jon and Martin are trapped together in Martin's apartment band later have to live together in the archives. Communication? Among archive staff? More likely than you think.

What Once Was Mine by dieanywhereelse | reverse time travel fix-it, dramatic comedy, safehouse fic | 29k, ongoing, T | S1 Polychives, JonMartin, found family

Summary: The Scottish Safe house gets a few visitors from the past. Jon and Martin get a chance to set things right.

In which future Jon and Martin are actually somewhat well adjusted after averting the apocalypse and dealing with Jonah. They get an opportunity to help past versions of themselves and their dead friends to get where they are with (hopefully) less pain. Love this au a whole bunch, it's one of my all-time faves! Really well thought-out with some great character dynamics and some adjusted monster!Jon.

Moth Song by Siarven | time travel fix-it, dimension hopping, hurt/comfort, found family | 76k, ongoing, M | minor JonMartin

Jon accidentally travels into the S1 of an alternate universe and tries to set things right. He's a mess, and has a breakdown, but he talks with his friends and together they start to work it out.

I'd Be Under the Sea but You Hold Me Above by Write_as_Rain | mer au, hurt/comfort, fast burn romance | 14k, completed, T | JonMartin

Summary: As a fisherman working under Captain Lukas, Martin has learned to keep his head down and fade into the mist. He does his work, walks further down the path Peter has laid before him, and if members of the crew occasionally disappear, Martin has learned not to ask about them. Has learned to stop caring at all.

At least until the crew pull up something strange and wonderful and impossible, tangled in one of the fishing nets. Something that Peter means ill.

No, Martin doesn't... care. But maybe he can save it. Maybe they can save each other.

A Few Small Repairs by Mad_Maudlin, shipwreckblue | canon divergence | 138k, completed, M | minor JonMartin

Gertrude shot first, killing Elias and all of the staff of the Magnus Institute who where in the building that day. Jon somehow survives and is taken in by Gertrude, Gerry and Mary at Pinhole Books.

Meanwhile, Martin, Sasha and Tim are some of the surviving staff trying to pick up the pieces after the strange 'fire'. But wasn't Gertrude supposed to be dead? What is up with this new Institute director?

the garden of forking paths by bibliocratic | post post-apocalypse, time travel, dimension hopping, angst with a happy ending | 50k, completed, T | JonMartin, minor found family

Summary: Whatever he had predicted might happen, Jon wasn't expecting to survive upon demolishing the Panopticon. He certainly wasn't expecting to be rescued.

Instead, he wakes up in an alternative universe where he's never been the Archivist, and Martin Blackwood doesn't exist.

Martin Blackwood wakes up somewhere else entirely.

Poignant and bittersweet but with a happy ending. Really well written!

youth dipped in folly by evanescent_jasmine | pre-canon divergence(?), bittersweet | 27k, completed, M | GerryOliver

Summary: In 2012, Oliver meets Gerard Keay and thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can finally save somebody.

He’s wrong.

A Reel for the Watcher by RedCytosine | period drama (early 1900s), fae au | 50k, ongoing, M | JonMartin, minor found family

Summary: Martin Blackwood, in need of employment and out of options, takes a clerical position in Scotland at Castle Magnus, working for the enigmatic Lord Elias Bouchard. He expects it to be glorified paper-shuffling, but what he finds instead is much more sinister. What secrets lurk in the castle library? Who plays the wild music that haunts his dreams? And why does a strange horse wander the lakeshore each morning at dawn?

TFW you wake up from a long nap and have no idea where you are by forgetfulmachine | time travel fix-it, fluff, found family | 33k, ongoing, G

Summary: Jon gets sent back to mid season one in the middle of his coma. Tim, Sasha, and Martin help him through his emotions and stopping the Unknowing. There's a lot of fluff along the way.

Thistle and Weeds by ajkal2 | time travel hurt/comfort, disability | 6k, ongoing, M

Excerpt: ��Jon,” Martin says. “Are you alright?”

Jon’s head lifts, turns toward the sound. He’s shaking. His teeth are bared, a flash of white against his dark skin, but it’s not a smile. There’s something- His eyes, they don’t look right-

His mouth opens, jaw trembling, and he says “Martin?” The bright overhead lights gleam off the blood pouring down his face. His eyes are black, empty sockets.

for a firmament by supaslim | two works | canon divergence, transformation horror, recovery | 31k, completed, T

Series summary: There is beauty in destruction. There is art in becoming.

In which Jon becomes the Archive, and the Archive becomes Jon.

Wonderful monster!Jon with some amazing body horror and mental illness recovery themes. Moved me to tears!

A Break in the Clouds by Ash_Rabbit | time-travel, fluff and angst, pre-canon | 22k, ongoing, T | Jon & Original Elias

Excerpt: “I’m eight.” the kid sniffs as if eight was any different from four, maybe not an unspeakable horror then, just a regular horror. “And I heard that the Magnus Institute deals with-” his little nose scrunches, cute. “-spooky things.”

“Do you have a-” he cracks a grin, and then rethinks it as small hands tighten against their burden.”-spooky thing to deliver?” gods he hopes not, it’s bad enough when adults walk in and lay out all of their baggage, but for a child-

“There’s a spider in this book.” the kid says solemnly, raising his textbook sized parcel. “It ate Evan Pritchard.” a bloody fucking Leitner. Of course an eight year old would find a murder spider book. “This seemed like the best place to bring it.”

Seen, Unseen, Unsung by bluejayblueskies | character undeath, canon divergence, memory loss, End!Tim | 50k, ongoing, M | JonMarTim, Tim & Danny & Sasha

Summary: Tim wakes up from the Unknowing with a blank slate where the Institute had been, Danny sitting at his bedside, and a man with too many eyes haunting his dreams.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma fics

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chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky · 4 years

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Bellarke Fanfiction: Favorite Five

I am feeling very emotional and thinking about everything I’ve created for THE 100 given everything, and thought to turn it into something positive and self-reflective! And I thought I’d share some of my favorite fics (and art in another post) I’ve written and why. Tagging anyone else who wants to, because I love you all very much. <3

1. THEN HOPE FLEW AWAY: Season 5!Canon Divergence - Diyoza comes to Octavia with an offer involving Clarke's mother, so naturally, Clarke and Bellamy crash the meeting. Except the deal involves one of them in the worst possible way.

This fic is so special to me. It was my very first fic for the fandom and it opened so many doors! I remember when I wrote the first chapter, it felt like screaming into a canyon since I didn’t know anyone and was brand new. Then, I started meeting people and talking about the show, and I remember being so excited simply to speculate and work further. Honestly, this fic got me back into writing, because I had stopped and was considering if I wanted to even do it further.

2. THE PRICE OF PEACE: Season 6!Spec Fic - Upon landing in the new world, it seemed like humanity finally had a chance at peace. When suddenly something is taken from them, Bellamy and crew must find a way to navigate this new world when it feels like it's falling apart.

When I started this, I just started to talk to people. Because of this fic, I ended up meeting people I consider true, genuine and beautiful friends. I never really thought much of my writing, but the fact that writing something helped me get beautiful friends, I’m forever grateful.

3. THE COLOR OF GRIEF: Modern!AU - After tragedy alters Clarke’s outlook on life, she turns her back on everything set out before her: medical school, a life of privilege, and most importantly, family. When she rents a room in The Ark – a brewery converted into living spaces – she’s forced out of her comfort zone when surrounded by the tenants who live there. Particularly a curly-haired brunette with a tendency to combine insults with historical references, intentionally keep her awake, and even most frustrating, make her not stop thinking about him. What a dick.

This fic... means a lot. It’s loosely based on something I did - sorta backwards to Clarke. I moved across the country and moved in with people I never met after I had something big happen in my life. I had to start over and it was so scary - and as I wrote, I wrote how I felt about the world through color and art. It’s very personal, so writing it was so very scary.

4. ONCE UPON A DECEMBER: Anastasia!Season 2 Canon AU - Three months after the rescue of Mt. Weather, banished from Arkadia and missing his family, Bellamy starts to hear rumors on the Ground. Rumors that say there is one additional member of Skaikru that everyone seems to have forgotten - a Clarke Griffin, daughter to the Chancellor. It makes Bellamy realize there are pockets of missing memories of his time on the Ground, hell, he was banished because the Council can't remember why they pardoned him in the first place.It's the perfect opportunity to find someone who looks like the Chancellor, teach her how to act like a princess, and come back to Arkadia a hero so he can finally live with Octavia and the 100. The only issue? Of course the person he's chosen is a bossy, obnoxious, feisty, know-it-all who seems to like to contradict him just because she can. The Anastasia!AU with a canon twist that no one asked for, but I wrote anyway.

Y’all can fight me on this one - Anastasia was one of my favorite movies when I was younger, and I had so much fun writing this. It wasn’t as angsty as some of my longer fics, but I still just loved writing the Bellamy x Lincoln friendship I always wanted.

5. OF COFFEE AND MAGIC: Coffee Shop Magic!AU - When Clarke opened Coffee Ground-ers Café, she knew that it may not be the medical career she thought she’d have, but she could still help people. It was small – almost imperceptible – but Clarke liked to put a little bit of magic in her drinks to make people’s day better. A sprinkle of cinnamon and a dash of luck. Of course, even with the smallest of magic, there are some consequences – she takes the pain from them in order to make her customer’s days a little better. Or as she explains it to her friend Wells, she bears it so they don’t have to. When a customer breaks her out of her morning routine, she does what she always does: takes whatever is hurting him. Except it’s not that simple. Clarke can build the perfect latte, but this doesn’t make sense. He’s not cute. He’s not funny. Seriously, Wells, he’s not.

I wrote this for thelittlefanpire for Valentine’s Day and I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun writing a fic. Because I usually write something pretty serious, but this was just fun. Writing Delinquent friendships without stakes, and I love baking and was a barista, so I got to write all my favorite things and just a fun romance. This was honestly just a joy to write, and it made it even better that it was a gift. <3

#the 100 #clarke griffin #bellamy blake #bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #lindsey writes #lindsey self reflects on her favorite fics #tagging all her writer friends and anyone who wants #I'm just feeling very emotional #And while I am heartbroken and furious by what happened in the last ep #I don't want to take away from the friendships and stories and art #I love you all

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kileyrose-2003 · 4 years

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Jenny Lind x Fem! Reader

A/N: Hello lovelies! This wasn't really a request but more something I decided to write for my dear friend @merci-bitch If you guys like this enough, maybe I'll open up request for Jenny.

I haven't been that well with my stress levels and mental health lately and she's been there to ground me and keep me as sane as I can possibly be. This is for you Tina. I love you and appreciate you and sincerely hope you enjoy this. Side note for all the people who have requested fics from me, I have not forgotten you. I know I'm behind and I will be getting to all of you eventually. Love you all and I hope you are all well. Stay safe, lovelies!

Warnings: Sexual content, implied mentions of self harm.

"...May I now present the most beautiful bird of song in our ring. Miss Y/n Y/l/n." The crowd cheered wildly as you stepped on stage. The spotlight making you sweat through your millions pound of caked on makeup as you forced a dazzling grin.

They say Phineas is The Greatest Showman but really if there was a true actor among people in the circus, it was you. To the crowd you came off as this charismatic, happy go lucky girl but you were far from that.

You were happy once but that seemed a dream now, hanging off far in the distance with all the stars shining in the sky.

You were born into a family of the musically elite. Your mother was a lyricist and your father, a prominent composer. For the first few years of your life were fairly pleasant.

You never wanted for anything and anything you desired within reason but something was always off when your parents were together. Exchanges of words that were once long and loving and had exchanges of pet names on the end of it were a thing of past and you couldn't help but wonder what happened. What changed.

They simply couldn't love each other anymore and then came the next two years of hell. The divorce. It was painful and confusing seeing two people who loved you fighting over you. Neither of them budging on which one would have primary custody of you.

You didn't feel like a person anymore. You felt like an object. A doll that only either of them wanted when they felt in the mood to play house. Because no man or woman that either of them dated would want to deal with their "baggage"

That's what you were. You were baggage. It killed your self esteem. Made you feel weak. Made you feel useless. Because if your own family looked at you like that, certainly you were useless, weren't you?

Desperation and depression set in and you wanted to find a way out. Find an escape to some place warm and kind where you could cry and have someone listen to you. Tell you 'I hear you' and 'I believe you'. You tried to find that place. Sometimes in the worst ways you could but you failed. Luckily.

When people would ask why you wanted out. Why you didn't want to deal with it anymore it was hard to talk about it. Because no one believed you. No one ever believed you about of the things your parents girlfriend or boyfriend said to you or what they did to you. No one ever believed you when you said you were hurt or needed a hug. The moment you would try to talk about what made you sad or angry you'd be brushed off to the side like a piece of garbage and so you refused to their answer their questions on why you wanted it to end, and learned the art of smiling.

You quickly learned people liked it when you smiled and acted preppy and in ways, you enjoyed it too. There weren't as many questions you were asked and had to answer and you were fine with that. It didn't make you feel any better though. At the end of the day when you looked at yourself in the mirror, you didn't see yourself. You didn't know who your reflection was besides a lie. An empty shell of yourself you wanted to curl up into and just cry.

You went on like for a while until you turned 16. That was when the "accident" happened. You could still remember it so clearly in your mind. Going to visit your father and finding a trail of crimson on the cake white tile flooring. A red hue that would never truly be erased from how ironic you found the colors to be. The white being the small tattered piece of childhood innocence you once held onto so tightly slowly fading away with the red which shone of what horrible events happened before you got there before you even see what happened.

It truly was only you and your mom after that and you were never the same. Hearty laughs you would bark out at jokes that once made you laugh were replaced by a fake giggle and no longer did you even bother with smiling. You were hurting and because you were hurting, your mom hurt too. Reality finally setting in on the fragility of your mental state that no person or form of tenderness could fix and even after everything your parents put you through it hurt you to see your mom hurt.

You ran away from home not long after that. Phineas was the one who found you on the street, dirt matted in your hair and a mess in every way imaginable. He was kind to you. Offering you a warm meal and a family and so you let him take you back home with him.

It took you a while to get used to the Showman's antics but you eventually got used to it. Though you never got used to his wife though, Charity. Something about the woman just rubbed you the wrong way. She always seemed so stiff but she was motherly in a way and you eagerly accepted her affection. The two of them built up your confidence. Made you feel at least somewhat whole again and not as empty.

When Phineas first brought up the idea of the circus, Charity thought it was ridiculous. You didn't though. You found it unique.

"And what would you provide for entertainment? Bafoons?!"

"People of talent my dear. Acrobats, swordsman, tightrope walkers, you name it you can find it!"

"And where would you find these people? Do we even know anyone talented to enough to even provide a simple song."

"I-i can sing." Your voice was sheepish and made the couple stare at you as if they never even seen you before. "What?"

"I-i can sing. Both my parents were musician. I was raised around music." When the shock finally fell off of Phineas' face he managed to form a full sentence. "Can-can you show us?"

You nodded and took a deep breath in and sang a bit of opera you remembered from your childhood. "..Il n'a rien dit, mais il me plaît."

"Stop! Stop!" You jumped at the abruptness of his words and waited for a response. "Y/n, why didn't you tell either of us you could like this before?"

"You like it?" You were in shock. Besides Phineas and Charity, no one ever really recognized your talent before and you never thought it was anything to brag about. "Like it, is an understatement my dear. You have the voice of angel."

"Well I guess you found your singer," Charity mused sipping a cup of tea.

It wasn't long after that Phineas started posting help wanted signs around the city. You were there with him through the entire process. Sitting through some of the best and worst auditions you'd ever heard.

Charity was skeptical of the whole thing at first but she eventually came around. Attending most of your performances and comforting you back stage before you went on. For the first time in the longest time, you felt complete. Like you had a family and people who loved and cared about you.

The show became a hit and eventually you moved into your own apartment but you stayed close with Phineas. You were one of the first ones to find out about the Queen's Invitation to the palace.

" ..Phineas, Phineas! I know I told you I signed up for this so whatever you dealt my way, I'd deal with, but this. I did not sign up for this." You chased after the showman as he threw clothes in your suitcase.

"Nonsense, my dear. The Queen calls upon us to grace her presence and what she wants, she shall receive." The smile on his face was obnoxious and you wanted to smack it off.

"Yes but Phineas, I don't know anyone there and you know how I get around new people." You looked down at the ground, trying to hide just how small you were feeling in the inside.

Phineas stopped what he was doing and took your hands in his, fatherly gaze gleaming in his eyes. "I know but you know me. Think of it like a show. That's all it is. All you have to do is smile, greet people as you normally. If you get, perform as you normally would, sing, floor the audience with your incredible voice and then we go home. If I didn't think you could do this, I wouldn't ask you to come with me."

The grin he gave you made you feel warm inside and you let out a throaty noise. "But what will I wear?"

"Don't worry about that." You rolled your eyes as he carried your trunk out of your room. "When are we leaving?"

"Tomorrow." Your eyes widened. "Tomorrow?!"

"Royalty doesn't wait for excellence." You let out a groan and looked at yourself, seeing that girl again. The girl you locked away a long time ago, never wanting to see her again but today she made herself prominent and you hated it. "Fuck off!" You put your hands over your face and let out a sigh. You really didn't want to do this but you made a promise to when you joined the circus that you'd do something better with yourself, make something of yourself and now you had that opportunity laying in front of you on a silver platter. "God help me make it through this.."

....

The palace was even prettier than you could imagine. The lighting from the ceiling cascaded all around, highlighting the gold trim on some of the paintings. You caught a glimpse off your own necklace and it reminded you of being on stage. The lights shining down on you. You were next to be announced and all the sudden it felt as if the world came crashing down around you.

"May I present, Miss Y/n Y/l/n."

In that moment it felt as if the entire world had their eyes on you stood their for a moment, your body stiff and stuck in the moment. 'This can't be real. None of this is real.'

You could see the other guest staring at you for a few seconds until you heard your name being called. "Y/n! Y/n, come here." Phineas. You pulled yourself out of your trance and walked over as elegantly as you could, trying not to make your anxiety evident.

"Yes, Phineas?" A butler came by with a tray of champagne and you quickly took the glass, holding it up to your lips as if it was a comfort mechanism. "Y/n, there's somone I want you to meet."

'How lovely,' You thought to yourself and took a sip of the liquor. "This, is Jenny Lind." The red head infront of you smiled and you nearly choked on the alcohol. "How do you do?" You stood their for a moment with lack of words. She was probably one of the most beautiful women you ever seen. Her red hair complementing her olive green eyes and her white dress creating this aura of welcoming glow around her yet left you questioning what thoughts layed in that pretty little head of her because something to told you the woman infront of you wasn't as angelic as she seemed.

"Very well, thank you," You finally managed to mumble after a while. The other woman eyed you up and down as if she was analyzing you. "Y/n is a singer as well, Ms. Lind."

"A singer you say? How lovely. Perhaps we can do a piece together sometime, dear. I am told to be quite the piece of work." Her eyes interlocked with yours and you felt your cheeks growing red, letting out a slightly nervous giggle.

'Piece of work isn't even the right word for it.' You thought to yourself. Phineas seemed to pay no mind to what Jenny said and she smiled. "I'm sure she'd love that, wouldn't you Y/n?"

"O-of course.." You muttered. "Then I'll make it a point to see you again before the evenings events come to an end. Now, if you'll excuse me. I have some matters to attend to. It was a pleasure Mr. Barnum, Miss Y/n." She gave you a nod of acknowledgment and you laughed nervously as she was walked away.

"She's lovely isn't she?" The corners of your lips twitched into a smile. "That she is." Yours and Phineas' eyes interlocked and he gently patted your back. "Are you okay?"

"Of course, why?" You smiled. "You just seem a bit off, my dear." You waved your hand dismissively. "I'm just tired, that's all. I'm sure the liquor isn't helping any either," You chuckled and Phineas nodded in agreement. "Tis true, you are a tiny little thing and people with such delicate stature as your own tend to be a bit light weight it comes to liquor. Would you like to get some fresh air?"

"Please." You nodded and Phillip took your arm. "Come on, I'll take you out." You clung onto his arm tightly, breathing in deeply as the cold air brushed against the sides of your face. "You're alright?"

"Yes Phillip, I'm fine." He nodded hesitantly. "Alright..if you need anything let me know."

"Sure," You mumbled softly and leaned against the balcony. You heard him walk away and breathed a sigh of relief. Rubbing your face and staring out at London. The lights though far away burned so bright and you felt small.

"You know, I've made a lot of people flustered in my life but never have I seen someone react the way you did." You spun around to look at Jenny and coughed. "Y-you scared me."

"If that's what you want to call it sweetheart, sure. We can call it that." You smiled and blushed slightly. "What do you want Jenny?"

"To chat." You heard her heels clicking against the floor and the singer moved dangerously close to you, looking out in the distance. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" She gestured to all of London.

"It is. I've never seen anything like it before." She furrowed her brows. "You've never left America before this?"

"Never..but I'm glad I did."

"Did you not want to come initially?"

"To be frank, yes..I guess you could say I'm a little shy. Large crowds terrify me. There's something about the crowd though with singing that makes me feel at ease. Like it's the one true way I can express myself."

Jenny eyed you up and down as if she was inspecting you and smiled slowly. It was unsettling grin at first but you felt at ease when she brushed your cheek with your thumb. You just this woman? Why were you so comfortable with her?

"I think all singers can relate but someone as beautiful as yourself shouldn't be afraid of the crowd. For it's all the more people that love and adore you..and I my dear, already adore you?"

The way the light glistened on her face made your stomach flutter and it felt as if in that moment, you and Jenny were the only people alive. She leaned forward as if she was reaching out to touch you.

"Miss Lind!"

"What?" Phillip. "Miss Lind, Mr. Barnum-"

"Tell Mr. Barnum, I'm preoccupied with his lovely singer and I shall be with him in a moment." Phillip looked surprised by her attitude and nodded. "Sure..my apologies."

"It's fine, Phillip. We'll be out in a minute." You smiled and gave a slight wave as he walked away. Jenny let out a groan. "Is he always like that?"

"Sometimes but he means well. They all do. Phineas, he's like a father too me. Always has been and always will be."

"Is he married? Actually are either of you married?" You looked at the Swedish Nightingale, slightly boggled by the question. "H-he is but I'm no-"

"Such a same. For a tyrant he seems like a nice man." You felt yourself growing slightly annoyed with Jenny and was taken off guard when she cupped your face. "You both seem like such nice people. Phineas doesn't deserve you."

"I-"

"If you ever need me, this is my address. I'd like to keep in touch after this whole function, darling girl." You blushed and Jenny laughed. "My, you are such a precious creature and one so beautiful and rare for the eyes to behold."

"Y-you flatter me."

"I can tell. Come, darling. I'd hate to keep your beloved Phineas waiting longer he has..."

...

"..Oh please, don't be daft Phineas!" You downed another glass of wine as Jenny laughed, trying to become oblivious to the tension that was radiating from the two people next to you. "I don't mean to cause a row, Miss Lind but my proposition was for you to come for us. Not for you steal away my top singer."

"Well you're trying to steal me away from my own obligations so wouldn't it be fair to offer the same?" The smile on Jenny's face was sarcastic and you could see Phineas' face turning several shades of red. Jenny lifted up your chin with her index fingers. "She is quite darling, Mr. Barnum. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, she is and she's her own person who makes her own decisions. Am I correct, Y/n?" You nodded limply, seeing the tension in his eyes. "Which is exactly why I offered her. Because she can make her own decisions." Her eyes were full of lust and you tensed as you felt her caress her cheek. "What do you think, darling? Doesn't a life in Sweden sound nice?"

You felt Phineas' eyes burning daggers into you as if it was a test of your faith even though he knew very you knew where your alliances laid yet you found yourself so drawn to Jenny. "I mean-" You let out a giggle, attesting to your drunkenness. What was muttered between the two next, you didn't know. You glanced over at Phineas who snapped his fingers. "Yes sir?"

"Will you take Y/n back to her room please? I'm afraid she's been spent for the evening. Aren't you, my dear?" You nodded in agreement. "Sure. Goodnight, Jenny."

"Goodnight, darling." She kissed your hand. "You know where to go if you need to find me?" You met her eyes as if to say yes and left with Phillip.

What happened after you left, you would never know. All you could remember was someone changed you into y/f/c nightgown and being woken up by the heavy treading of feet down the hall followed by the sound of numerous voices. You were still slightly drunk and were too dazed to pick them up but you could hear what they were saying.

"So what she did say when you offered?"

"She refused, of course! I don't know what to do at this point. I can't force her to come and I'm certainly not going to just give up Y/n. She's family."

Eventually after a while the voices faded away and you laid in bed, staring up at the egg shell white ceiling. The words replaying over and over on your mind. Surely Jenny was quite flirtatious with you but she didn't mean anything serious. Did she?

Memories of how she caressed your face so tenderly ran through your mind and you felt yourself swelling up inside with what was a mix of lust and adoration.

You didn't have to be around her for a while to take the hint she was a good time girl but it was driving you mad. You had to know and you had to know now. You turned the lamp on in your room and searched through your trunk, pulling out a pair of flats and slipped them on. Not even bothering to change out of your pajamas. You still had the address of where Jenny was staying hidden in your bra and you took the paper out, memorizing the street and room number before grabbing your room key. The halls of the hotel were completely and you glanced at the old grandfather clock at the end of the hall.

"3 AM." You shrugged, quietly walking downstairs. The lobby was completely empty with most of the lights off but it didn't bother you. What mattered was making it to Jenny.

Rain was pelting down from the lit up sky, the light illuminating the cool liquid that caressed your cheek. You shivered slightly from the cool breeze outside but pushed it aside. Walking through the wet streets on London.

You were getting soaked and you were sure your y/f/c nightgown was becoming see through but you paid it no mind. 'Jenny will probably enjoy it,' You thought snidely. Her hotel came into sight and you walked past all the rooms until finally finding her room number. Ever so hesitantly you knocked on the door.

There was pause, an agonizingly long one. You debated on knocking again when the door swung open. Even with bed messed hair and scantily dress she was still one of the most beautiful women you ever seen.

Her eye makeup was smeared, highly the disdain in her eyes. "What the hell are you doing here? It's three in the morning." Her voice came out as low growl and you found yourself surprised. Her voice was so smooth the entire evening and you could never picture it being as nasty as it was now.

"Can we talk?" You asked softly. "At three in the morning?! Wow darling, you must truly be desperate." You seen her eyeing you up and down like a piece of meat and you shifted uncomfortably as you seen her eyes eagerly sizing up your breast.

"Maybe but does it matter?" Jenny let out a humming noise. "I suppose it doesn't. Very well, come in my sweet."

You stepped inside and Jenny shut the door before tossing a nightgown at you. "What's this for?"

"Because you're soaked. You might of pissed me off but how well mannered would I be to leave you cold and wet?" You shrugged, as if silently saying yes to what she was saying and turned your back as you stripped your clothes off.

Changing into the warm outfit. You could feel her eyes like little beads on the back of your neck but said nothing. Not knowing what you would even say to her. The situation was incredibly awkward as it was and you didn't want to make it any worse.

You turned around as you finished changing and Jenny smiled at you. "That's better." She sat down on one of the sofas and you followed her motion. "Now, tell me darling. What brings you here so late? Did the tyrant send you as a ploy or are you seeking out for a new..experience?"

The words came out so voyeuristically you had to do everything in your power not to shudder. 'What a milf.' You thought to yourself before responding. "Neither."

"Oh? Enlightenment me, Y/n. For now, I'm curious."

"I want you to come with us." Jenny laughed. "Phineas must be truly desperate." Her expression was so snide and you wanted to smack her across the face. "Actually, I want you to come."

Jenny choked on the water she was drinking. "Me, come with you? My dear, the offfer was you come with me."

"Yeah well, compromise is needed in both love and war. Don't you agree, Miss Lind?" You met her eye with a certain sassy glance Jenny found so attractive. "We're off first name basis?"

"We are negotiating business, aren't we?" She hummed softly and smirked. "Yes, we are...give me one reason why I should come with me. I am a very busy as you know. I know Chopin, people at the Music Academy.."

You said nothing and Jenny grew impatient. "Speak!"

"I-i feel connected to you..like I can trust you." She laughed. "Oh darling, do you honestly think I'm going to fall for that?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at her. "I'm speaking the truth!"

"Are you sure it's not for another reason?" Her eyes found their way back down to your chest again and you cringed. Jenny stood up and placed two of her fingers underneath your chin, caressing your cheek with her other hand. "You are quite the precious thing. Aren't you? My precious thing."

"I-i belong to no one." You tried your hardest to sound firm but knew it wasn't working. "Sure you don't. When do we leave, darling?"

"Y-you're going to come with me?!" Your eyes lit up with pure joy. "Only because you asked so nicely." She climbed into bed and held her arms out for you. "What are you doing?"

"It's three in the morning and I'm sure darling Phineas won't be looking for you a while. Now come." Hesitantly you slipped into bed next to the older woman, letting her run her fingers through your hair. You knew it wasn't right but it felt so nice just to be there in that moment. Could you be having..feelings for her?

....

To say yours and Jenny's friendship was a peculiar one was an understatement. No one could wrap their heads on the dynamic between the two of you. The two of you were surely best friends as wherever you went, Jenny was and vice versa but the two of you were very physically affectionate with each other.

Jenny always kissing your cheek before she would leave the seem and it seemed more often than not the two of you were either holding hands or hugging each other.

Not that the others minded but they just couldn't quite wrap their heads around it and you always seemed to have an excuse for her when people would ask why she was always all over you.

"I just think she's trying to be sweet." You smiled as you sat down next to Anne after one of the shows.

"I think she's trying to be a milf." You furrowed your brow at Anne. "What do you mean?" She shrugged. "Have you not seen all the people that come in and out of her trailer?"

She was your partner. It was hard not to notice or know about how much of a flirt she was, especially towards Phineas, but it was none of your business anyways as far it was your concern. You and Jenny worked on a policy that the other wouldn't ask unless you wanted to tell and you were fine with that.

Screw what other people thought and if you're happy shouldn't they be happy for you?

...

"So I started working on a new piece-" Jenny hummed as the two of walked hand and hand towards the piano. "I don't know what to call it yet but I guess that doesn't matter now though. You well be happy to know that I thought you of you since there are a-" She tapped her finger on the piano. "F5's in here."

You smiled and looked at the woman sitting down in front of you. "I want you to work on this with me. Critique me."

"Oh no, Jenny! I couldn't possibly-"

"Do you know what one of the main claims made by successful musicians and writer's are? They listen to the criticism of others so you can and you will, now sit down." She commanded, patting the empty space next to her on the stool. You quickly did as she asked, not wanting to make her mad and straightened her posture. "You'll do the soprano section and I'll do the alto."

"Yes ma'am." You hummed softly. You noticed a little smirk forming on the sides of Jenny's lip and you bit down on your lip, trying your hardest not smile. "Now, 1 and 2-"

Her long, nimble fingers hit the keys on the lower part of piano and your voices met in harmony. "Everything went wrong, and the whole day long I'd feel so blue. For the longest while, I'd forget to smile, then I met you. Now that my blue days have passed, Now that I've found you at last."

Your echoed her words and Jenny smiled. "With a love that's true always. When the things you've planned. Need a helping hand, I will understand always."

"..Always." Jenny turned to look at you and for a moment you could of sworn you seen a look of something other than lust in her eyes and she leaned towards you.

Despite your inner voice screaming at you stop what you moved closer to her, your lips nearly brushing with her plump reddened ones before she pulled.

"Oh god..I'm sorry. That was-that was inconsiderate. I-i don't know what came over." Jenny's laugh was almost brimming on nervousness and you had to try your hardest not to frown. "I-it's okay. I wasn't thinking either."

Jenny stared deeply into your eyes and for a second you could of sworn you seen a glimpse of love in her eyes.

"I should leave." You shook your head. "No, no! Stay, Jenny. Please, I insist." She shook her head. "No, no, no. This would be inappropriate of me to do."

"Aren't we already inappropriate?" She narrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not blind, Jenny. Nor am I deaf. The others ask me things about us. Why you touch me so much."

"Y/n, my dear, this a step above us holding hands. This is kissing. We are partners. It would never work." She growled. "But you love Phineas, do you not?"

Jenny looked at you almost betrayed and stood up. "That doesn't matter right now! I overstepped my boundaries and made you uncomfortable. Now if you'll excuse me."

"But Jenny-"

"No buts, Y/n. Please! You're just making this harder on yourself but me as well. For us to do this, we would have to live a lie. Do you want to live a lie, Y/n?"

"But aren't we already living a lie as it is?" For the first time since you met Jenny Lind, you could of sworn you could seen that she was at a loss of words. For once.

"Yes, I mean- No! No, we are not! I love Phineas! I want to be Phineas!"

"Then if you love him, then why would you of tried to kiss me?" Jenny's cheek turned cherry red as if she was child caught in the midst of stealing a sweet. "He's married, Jenny! And he's not leaving his wife anytime in the foreseeable future. You're setting yourself up for heart break and I love you Jenny and I want you to be happy!"

"If you love me you'll let me do what I need to do! Now if you'll excuse me, I have matters to attend to." She stormed past you.

"Jenny, I'm telling you-"

"And I'm telling you, to let me do what I do best.." She grabbed the sides of your face, staring deeply into your eyes before kissing your forehead. "Now if you'll excuse me, for the last and final time."

The singer walked past you. Leaving you with millions of unanswered questions and emotions. Did she love you? Did you love her? You didn't even know anymore. You walked out of your rehearsal space, nearly bumping into Phineas.

"Jesus!"

"I'm sorry my dear, I didn't see you coming. I just bumped into Jenny down the hall. Am I interrupting something?"

"No." Your tone was sharp and it made Phineas narrowed his eyes. "Don't ask. It's a long story. Anyways what do you need?"

"Are you performing tonight?" You shook your head. "No, this is Jenny's solo night."

"Okay, I just wanted to ask because she ignored me when I seen her...are you sure you're alright my dear?" You stared at him for a few moments, not knowing what to say. It was an incredibly awkward situation. What could you even say to him. "Yes, everything's fine. I'm just not feeling the greatest."

"Go get some rest then, my dear. I shall see you tomorrow morning." He placed a small kiss on the top of your head. "Goodnight Y/n."

"Goodnight Phineas."

....

"It's not tight enough!"

"How tightly do you want the bobby pins then, Jenny?" You sighed and ran a hand through her red hair as curled it. "Sorry..sorry."

"It's fine, You huffed. There was an awkward silence for the moment. "So are we going to talk about what happened earlier?" You shrugged. "What is there to talk about?"

"Y/n-"

"No, Jenny. I'm not doing this with you. You pushed me away. There is nothing for us to talk about. There is nothing I want to talk about. You burned the bridge. You deal with the consequences."

You finished her last curl and set the iron down. "..I didn't mean to hurt you, Y/n."

"Sure you didn't." Jenny sighed and pulled you into a slight hug. You softened up a little bit and sighed. "Don't do anything brash please?"

"I make no promises."

"Jenny-"

"You trust me right? Trust me enough to make my own decisions?"

"Jenny you know I do but I'm just afraid of you getting hurt."

"I won't. What's the worst that can happen? He turns me away." You shrugged as if to say maybe and Jenny smiled. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck." She pressed a kiss against your cheek and smiled. "Bye, Y/n."

"Bye."

....

The next few hours you laid in bed in yours and Jenny's hotel room, wondering how the show went and what she was doing. She should of been back hours ago. What the hell was she doing?

Your eyes settled on the clock at the far end of the room. 12:55. You brushed it off as maybe she lost track of time but you knew that was too good to be true. Something felt wrong.

A few minutes later you heard the door unlock followed by the sound of heels clicking against the floor and sniffling. "How much did you have to drink?" You joked but there was no laugh.

"Jenny? Jenny, are you okay?" You felt her weight sink down next to you on the mattress. "H-he doesn't like me." You furrowed your brows. "Who?"

"Phineas." You sat up in bed and took her hands gently in your own. "Jenny, what the hell did you do?"

"Remember how you told me the story about your first time on stage and Phineas tolf you, you have to learn to fall before you fly?" You grabbed a tissue out of the box besides your bed and handed it to Jenny. "Yeah.."

"So I thought maybe, just maybe, he'll like me the way I like I like him."

"Jenny-"

"I tried to kiss him. I tried to kiss him but he refused me." She looked so mad and upset. Despite the part of you that was relieved Phineas didn't cheat on Charity, you felt your heart breaking for the woman sitting next to you.

"Jenny.." You wiped some of the tears off her face and she pulled you into a hug. You never seen Jenny act like this before and it shocked you. It was the look of rejection. It was the look of pain. She never had been rejected before.

"And the worse part is, is I thought I love him but I don't know what I feel anymore. I-i'm just so confused." You shushed her and hugged her tight. "It's okay, Jenny. Everything is going to be alright. It's okay to be confused. It's normal. I'm sure everything will work out. Everything happens for a reason. We may not understand why in the moment, but eventually it will make sense in the future. It's going to be okay. I promise."

"Yeah but, where do I go from here? People will talk. Say things about the both of us and nothing is going to be the same after this." She was practically panicking. "Just relax..For right now, no one has word of anything and don't worry about where to go yet. You have time to figure all that out. It's going to be alright." You held onto her tightly, not knowing if you should do more or less for her. "Thanks, Y/n."

You kissed her sweet smelling red hair and patted her back. "You're welcome." The two of you sat together in silence for a moment. Despite not knowing how you even felt about all this, you treasured the silence between the two of you.

After a while, Jenny pulled away from you abruptly and stared deeply into your eyes. "Jenny? Jenny, you're staring at me. What's-" Her luscious red lips smacked against yours and your eyes widened, trying not to melt into the kiss. "Don't speak."

"Jenny..Jenny, what are you doing?!" You rasped and attempted to pull away from her but she grabbed your hand. "It's always been you, you know that right?"

"Jenny, it has not always been me. You basically just told me, you want to fuck Phineas. This is not you acting out of love. This is you acting out of-"

She interrupted you, putting a finger up to your lips. "I've always loved you. I thought I loved Phineas but no, I love you. You and only you."

"I-i love you too..I think? I don't know! I'm so confused! Jenny, people will talk. People will say things about us. Mean things about us. Don't you care?" She kissed you sweetly on the lips. "Who cares what people think as long as we have each other."

Despite how wrong it felt, it also felt so right and you gave into her touch. Praying you wouldn't regret it later as she ran her hands through your hair as she kissed you. "I..I love you my darling."

"L-love you too." You could feel Jenny caressing your sides and you moaned slightly as her lips left yours. "I want you, Y/n. I want you right now." She pressed you back again the mattress and you looked at her wide eyed and terrified. "I-i never done this before."

"Then I'll teach you. No fear, understand?" You nodded in spite of your growing anxiety and Jenny began to pepper small kisses down your face and neck, leaving little love marks here and there. "So, so beautiful." You could feel her hands working at the buttons on the top of your blouse, the sides of her hands kneading your breast.

You bit down on your lip to prevent a moan of frustration and you could of sworn you seen Jenny smile. "Oh darling..by the time I'm done with you, there will be no amount of lip biting to hide those luscious noises."

You blushed in embarrassment as she pulled off your top and bra. Peppering tiny kisses all over your breast before playfully biting at your nipples. You hissed in a mix of pain in pleasure, pulling at her hair as she moved lower down your body.

She looked up at me before pulling all your clothes off, dragging your silk panties along the way. Jenny spread your legs apart before lifting one of them up, placing it on her shoulder. You felt her trail small kisses on the inside of your thigh, your tongue licking alongside your folds.

Jenny's hand took hold of your thighs, holding them in place as she started to lick back and forth with her tongue against your cunt. “So wet and I’ve barely touched you” Your eyes rolled in the back of your head as your head fell back against the wall.

You felt her tounge flicking back and you arched your back. "Fuck, fuck!" You screamed then covered your mouth, not wanting anyone to hear you. "T-this feels so good!"

"I told you..I'm a piece of work!" You heard a hand bang against the wall from whoever had the room next door to you and Jenny sighed. "Oh fuck off!"

She quickly got back to work. The room which felt cold from the rain a outside was now hot like a sauna and the two of you were sweating. You were hitting your peak and you gasped, squeezing onto the white satin sheets.

"I-i can't take much more!" You grunted. "Cum for me, my darling. I want you to." You felt the pit in your stomach growing and you screamed in euphoria as you came. What the hell had you been missing all this time?

As you laid there, still in a daze. Jenny wiped the sweat off your forehead and laid down next to you. "That was...amazing."

"It was always is when you're with me." You slapped her arm and planted a kiss on her lips before burying your head in her chest. "My good girl." She kissed the top of your head and you laid there in her arms, not caring who thought what about anything that just happened between the two of you. None of that mattered now. As long as you had your Jenny.

#jenny lind #jenny lind x reader #the greatest showman

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rivalsforlife · 4 years

Note

I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE DOING COMMENTARY hope it's not too late to ask for The Scene at the end of chapter 5 of the catch up game?? if no one else has asked?

It is never too late to ask!! Genuinely you could probably ask me six months from now and I’ll ramble on about all this, I’m generally down to talk about my writing all the time. (And I’m actually a little surprised nobody asked about The Scene yet... oh well haha)

First though: have you seen this art yet? If you haven’t you should. It was going around twitter again lately and I love it a lot so I wanted to advertise it while I had the chance.

Anyways, keeping under a “keep reading” here:

So. The Scene. First I’ll present my notes from the outline when I was trying to figure out this fic:

Miles lets his feelings slip, Phoenix doesn’t take it too well, they part on a kind of awkward note.

Somehow “kind of an awkward note” ended up being uhhh that!

Anyways before we get into this I want to say that I really did not think it would have that much of an emotional impact? I got a much bigger reaction than I thought and that’s around when people really started talking about it on the narumitsu discord and stuff, so I ended up for the rest of the week soooo stressed out that I’d accidentally gone in a completely different direction than I’d planned and set people’s expectations too high and they would be COMPLETELY DISAPPOINTED IN THE REST OF THE FIC but uh luckily that didn’t happen! I think. At least if anyone was super disappointed they didn’t tell me about it!

And it was probably partially that I am not very uhh good with emotions and also probably that I got pretty desensitized to my work but I genuinely did not think it was that bad until I saw Ro’s art and then went “ohhh suddenly I am consumed with so much guilt...” (and also doubted how in character this scene was. how can ANYONE say no to that face --)

Most critically though, this scene distracted everyone from whatever the hell was going on with the casefic earlier in the chapter, so overall I think it’s a success.

Sorry it’s taking a while to get to the actual scene, but I wrote a few drafts of this thing beforehand and modified it a lot trying to get it right. I needed it to be sufficiently dramatic but I didn’t want it to seem like... I was just adding it in there for extra conflict? Like you know sometimes you read stuff and you’re like “where the hell did this sudden argument come from” yeah. I wanted to avoid that if I could, so partially this was supported by the weight of chapter 4 to explain Phoenix’s reasons for the rejection and then chapter 6 is supposed to elaborate more, but I still needed this to stand fairly well on its own.

The overall theme of this chapter was “Opposites”, and again, here’s what I had in my fic notes:

I want to contrast how Phoenix sees Miles and how Miles sees Phoenix. Because they both kind of see each other as an amazing person while seeing themselves as failures. Maybe at the end Phoenix is kind of putting himself down and Miles argues about it and then they have a slight argument. Miles lets his feelings slip, Phoenix doesn’t take it too well, they part on a kind of awkward note.

I couldn’t really find a way to integrate this conversation in naturally, so I could only get Phoenix’s perspective in there a little bit. Originally Miles’ confession wasn’t supposed to be planned, just a spur of the moment in the middle of an argument where Phoenix kind of goes “I don’t understand why you keep hanging out with me, why are you spending so much time with me, I’m not struggling, I don’t need you worrying about me” and Miles interrupts with a “Because I love you, you idiot!” ... But I couldn’t get that to work because the buildup into the argument felt too abrupt.

Last little bit of something just before the argument (some of the dialogue here went into the chapter 4 dinner conversation instead):

Miles: (quietly) I’ve spent most of my life trying to climb higher in my career, in order to fight corruption as best I could. And I have, and every day my mission is growing closer to completion, or at least as much as it can. But after that… (staring at some kids’ toy) what’s left for me? I’ve taken a rather unconventional path through life. I’m starting to wonder about opportunities I’ve missed.

Phoenix: (jokingly) Is that some long-winded way of telling me you’re planning on settling down?

Miles: I’d never settle. But in some sense, I suppose so.

Phoenix: (stopping in his tracks) You’re kidding. L-Like, what, in a year or so I’m gonna walk in to your office one day and find you with a wife and kids?

Miles: (rolling his eyes) You do know that I’m gay, don’t you? And why would I keep them in my office? There’s no need to be so melodramatic, Wright.

Again couldn’t fit it in I just found it funny. ANYWAYS FINALLY MOVING AWAY FROM THE DRAFTS AND TO THE ACTUAL THING, I’ll skip ahead a bit to just before the confession:

“How long has it been since I came here?”

“I dunno… since before I got my badge back, probably.”

“That sounds about right.” Edgeworth sighed and leaned against Phoenix’s desk. “I’ve barely gotten the chance to see you, since you got your badge back and I took my new position. I’ve missed going up against you in court.”

“I don’t,” Phoenix teased, slipping his case notes into his desk drawer. “You’re a nightmare.”

“You’re one to talk.” The corners of Edgeworth’s eyes crinkled as he looked over at him. “You can be so infuriating, but I do like working with you. I had fun today.”

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “Fun? You?”

“I suppose age has softened me up.”

“I didn’t think anything could soften you up.”

“You’d be surprised. I often have fun when I’m with you. I always…” He trailed off, averting his eyes and gripping his elbow. “I’ve been… thinking, a bit. On our earlier conversation.”

So basically... Miles got preeetty close to confessing during their dinner in chapter 4, but kinda backed out at the last moment, and he’s been agonizing over this ever since. Because the way he interpreted their conversation was sort of “We both want to move forward into a relationship but don’t know how to take the steps to do so”, whereas Phoenix interpreted more as a consensus that “We could probably start a relationship and there are feelings there but it wouldn’t really work out so we just won’t ever talk about it”.

And Miles throughout this fic assumed that Phoenix has been in love with him for a while and only holding back for Miles’ own sake, and waiting for Miles to signal that he’s actually ready to move into a romantic relationship. ... Which is very much not the case. What makes today different though is that Miles got to watch Phoenix solve mysteries, and I’m of the opinion that Miles considers Phoenix at his most attractive when he is uncovering the truth!! so Miles pretty much just saw him solve this case and go “I must kiss this man on the lips Right Now” but thought he should clear some things up before he did that.

which is good because if he just walked up to Phoenix and kissed him without preamble I’m pretty sure Phoenix would have died, so.

Something imperceptibly changed in the atmosphere. It made Phoenix’s heart race faster in anticipation. “Oh? Which one?”

“The one we had during the last dinner we shared.”

“O-Oh.” That had been weeks ago. Surely Phoenix had forgotten something.

“Everything has changed so much, over the course of my career, between us.” Edgeworth’s eyes flickered up to him briefly before settling back down on the desk. “I’ve never been afraid of moving forward, but this, I want…” He exhaled, shakily. “Give me a minute. This is… difficult.”

Phoenix kind of... knows, subconsciously, where this is going, but he’s trying to deny it until the last minute because he’s very unprepared and has no idea how to deal with this... which will become very clear by the end of the scene.

Miles is tricky to write in a confession scene because he can be kind of weird with emotions? Sometimes he’ll give these Grand Speeches about how much That Man means to him but at the same time he struggled a lot with talking about his feelings during the trilogy and I think he’d still struggle with it now. Especially something as raw and vulnerable as a love confession.

And Miles is also someone who is, at least by the Investigations duology, determined to pursue what is Right and what is the Truth without any sort of hesitation. However pursuing Wright is different. (insert horrible forced laugh track)

“W-Well, don’t strain yourself,” Phoenix insisted. “We can talk another day. I-It’s getting late, after all, we should —”

“We should stop dancing around the issue.” Edgeworth’s eyes snapped up and locked with Phoenix’s, pinning him in place. “Don’t go easy on me now, of all times.”

oh man I have to admit I got really into Persona 5 Royal for like a few weeks around the time I was writing this and that “don’t go easy on me now of all times” is looosely inspired by a similar line in there that’s like “do you think I’d be happy with being shown mercy now, of all times?” because although it’s a different dynamic than narumitsu I was uh. intrigued.

... sorry it’s so vague I wanted to avoid spoilers anyways, moving on,

Phoenix’s mouth ran dry. Edgeworth couldn’t possibly be planning to —

“Everything has changed between us,” continued Edgeworth. “I want things to — to continue to change, I-I want to be closer, is—” He sucked a breath in through his teeth “— is it not obvious?”

Hadn’t they agreed, in that way they could agree without saying a word, that they were never going to talk about this?

Phoenix broke his gaze. “No. It’s not. I— I don’t want to argue with you. It’s late.”

Pretty much same as previous notes: Phoenix in extreme denial that this is actually happening whereas Miles is just trying to force it all out.

Phoenix is kind of trying to talk Miles down from confessing; Miles is sort of interpreting it as “Wright isn’t going to let me get away with not actually saying this so I need to be more direct.”

I’m sure that later when Miles is curled up on his bed wondering where he went wrong he’ll think of that :)

“Phoenix.”

The use of his first name forced Phoenix to look up again.

Edgeworth stared at him for a long time. There was something impossible swimming just under the surface of his grey eyes.

“Phoenix Wright,” he said. “I am in love with you.”

HE DID IT!! He’s so brave I’m sure that nothing can go wrong!!

Gossip was one thing. Lingering touches and stolen glances, Phoenix could deal with those. The knowledge that Edgeworth was interested in him in a not-so-platonic way… that was more than enough.

This, hearing Edgeworth say the words out loud, was another thing entirely. Even if Phoenix already knew. Nothing could have prepared him for — for whatever this was, for Edgeworth, looking at him all open and vulnerable, and — and saying —

“Wh… What…?”

Edgeworth tilted his head slightly to the side, causing his bangs to fall into his face. “Surely you’ve figured it out already?”

“I-I don’t understand…”

At first there was a line right after “Even if Phoenix already knew” that was “Even if he felt the same”, but then I decided to make it so Phoenix can’t even admit his feelings to himself, so I cut that one out.

Anyways this is shocking to Phoenix partially because of Denial but also because he didn’t expect Miles to actually come out and say something like this. He’s used to Miles being closed off with his emotions and doesn’t think him the type to ever directly acknowledge them, so it’s got him totally off guard, too. It’s unpredictable for someone who is supposed to know Miles so well so it’s very unnerving for him.

“I… I think you are incredible,” said Edgeworth. “Your single-minded dedication to truth and justice. Your compassion. Your mercy. The way you… brought light, brought life, back into my world. You can be so frustrating, and stubborn, but that’s part of why I have always admired you so much.” The corners of his eyes softened. “You saved me a thousand times over, and I want to spend the rest of my life by your side… however you want me.”

Miles generally people go on at least one date before proposing marriage but okay.

One thing I find interesting about Miles as a character is that he’s very much an all-or-nothing kind of person... he doesn’t ever really half-ass things and he doesn’t know how to do things gradually haha. He won’t allow the truth to be covered in darkness for even a moment even if it makes things easier for him in the long run. Saying “I think you’re great, maybe we should go on a few dates and see how things end up?” is probably the SENSIBLE thing to say, but Miles puts 100% of himself into everything that he does post-character development; and he’s secure enough in his relationship with Phoenix that he doesn’t really feel the need to test the waters. Plus Miles is allergic to uncertainty, so by the time he confesses he’d need to be absolutely certain that he loved Phoenix Wright and was prepared to pretty much go all in with him.

after all Phoenix feels the same way right!!

Phoenix stared. His heartbeat was reverberating in his ears. “I don’t know what to say. … Me.”

“Who else?”

“Who — a-anyone else. God, Edgeworth, what even is that shit, about me being i-intelligent, and dedicated, and compassionate, and — and — incredible, geez, I’m a wreck! I—” His voice wavered into a fit of near hysteria. “The only reason I’ve gotten this far is ‘cause I’ve always had amazing people by my side, and — and once they’re gone I’m back to whatever I usually am, I-I only have this one suit, I still haven’t got my freaking driver’s license, I don’t think I’ve eaten anything but instant meals in a month—”

(And he looked to Edgeworth, desperately, but Edgeworth was still gazing at him, expression gentle, gentle yet unyielding, not taking back his words or expressing an ounce of regret — why wasn’t he changing his mind —)

“You’re describing yourself more than me,” said Phoenix weakly. “Really, I’m not — I’m not like that, okay, I’m not…” He forced himself to take a deep breath. “Why are you telling me this?”

This is the one part that stayed consistent throughout all drafts of this scene haha. Some of it is echoes from what Godot told him back in Bridge to the Turnabout about him always needing someone to swoop in at the last minute to the rescue; others are sort of a loose refence to his behaviour during the beginning of RFTA and Reunion and Turnabout where he couldn’t really function without Maya there to look after.

This part sort of ties more into that objective I had with this chapter of contrasting how they see themselves; they both see each other as incredible people, because they don’t really get to see inside each other and see how much of a wreck they feel.

Also the very first sort of script of this confession had Phoenix saying “I thought you knew me better than this!” but that just seemed way too cruel for this haha.

“I know that I… that I have difficulty with these things,” said Edgeworth, fingers gripping the edge of the desk. “I’ve never been the most open of people and we’ve — we’ve always been so distant, for so long. I wasn’t there for you when I should have been, and I want that to change. Because, ever since we met… you’ve been such a major part of my life. I never thought I would live to be older than my father. I never thought I would be happy with myself. But you, you came into my life, and you changed all that.”

(That wasn’t you,) a voice in Phoenix’s heart whispered. (You only started it. The rest was all him.)

“But I don’t want to be satisfied with what I have right now. I still want more. There’s still a part of life I want to explore, and… I want to do it with you.”

(He’s always been fine without you. One day he’s going to realize it too, and then…)

“I’m tired of hiding my emotions and being too afraid to upset the status quo when it comes to relationships. I refuse to be scared of that anymore.”

(Why isn’t he scared, too?)

ugh this was the hardest part to write I think...? Trying to figure out a way to get Phoenix’s internal feelings across where it doesn’t come out of nowhere. I settled with a lot of internal thoughts that are just like... self-loathing, pretty much.

Meanwhile Miles has prepared this whole emotional monologue that Phoenix is only half listening to, basically about what a huge impact Phoenix has had in his life and how he’s sort of... now that he’s presumably made large steps to fixing the justice system he’s turning to more personal goals in life, and one of those goals is spending his life with Phoenix, if he can be brave enough to do it.

Phoenix isn’t paying attention though because he’s too busy panicking...

“Most of all, I… I couldn’t hide anything from you for long. I’d trust you with the world. You’re my equal, and my opposite.” Something resembling a shaky smile crossed Edgeworth’s face. “And I love you.”

me shoving the “theme of the day” in there awkwardly

But he smiles!! This is one of the rare occasions where Miles kind of does smile... there’s a lot of “almost-smile”s or brief smiles and Miles is scared out of his wits here but he’s happy. he finally got that off his chest. he was brave and he told Phoenix how he felt and they’ll be so, so happy together, nothing can possibly go wrong,

The words knocked out any breath Phoenix had managed to regain. His skin suddenly felt cold and clammy, and he was faced with vertigo more intense than standing on rooftops. What was happening to him?

There was something he was supposed to say to this. He should react to this normally. His mouth was drier than a desert. His tongue felt unsightly and awkward in his mouth.

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that if I have somehow misinterpreted, I won’t mention this again.” Unease and uncertainty flickered behind Edgeworth’s eyes. “And I would never be upset, as long as you tell me the truth. I want to take the next steps of my life with you. … Do you feel the same way?”

oh yeah this part was a little tricky too. Pretty much Phoenix is on the verge of a full-blown panic attack and cannot think of a response, even a nice polite rejection... and finally Miles starts realizing that something’s off, because before he was just running on adrenaline to try and get his feelings out that he didn’t stop to examine Phoenix’s reactions, otherwise he would’ve started overthinking and psyched himself out. But now that he got it out and seeing Phoenix pretty much in shock he’s starting to worry he’d made a mistake.

Also “unease and uncertainty” is definitely an “unnecessary feelings” reference because I’m shameless.

Yes, Phoenix wanted to say, yes, I do, and say what he felt, what he wanted. But the words wouldn’t come.

Why couldn’t he say it? It should be easy. If he truly wanted this, it should be as easy as breathing.

His vision swam with pink butterflies, he ran his tongue over the scars in his mouth, his breath caught jagged on the edges of chains —

Aaaand if either one of them had the magatama right now there would be the psyche-locks! I was gonna elaborate on this a lot but this is so far waaay longer than I intended so I’ll spare you and give a brief summary.

Essentially there are three locks. I wrote them as sort of representing each issue that Phoenix needs to acknowledge for them to break -- not necessarily fix, because that would be a super tricky thing, but acknowledging they’re there is a start. They’re pretty much “Trust”, “Abandonment”, and “Vulnerability”. Later I realized those issues are pretty much tied up in each other so instead I just made it so that each one is set by a traumatic event, and then acknowledging those events is what breaks them.

The first is an obvious “Dahlia and Iris really screwed up Phoenix’s ability to trust a partner romantically”. I love Iris but she really did mess him up as well. Phoenix kind of convinced himself he’s over this issue now since Iris was a good person! but really he’s still messed up about it. (And that’s where the butterflies + scars in his mouth sort of come from). Talking to Iris and acknowledging that he’s still hurting over it is what breaks this one.

The second is more directly related to all the times Miles himself has abandoned him particularly throughout the series. Some of the hurt when Miles prosecuted him in Turnabout Sisters, and definitely a lot regarding “Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death”, it’s pretty much him being scared to get /too/ attached to Miles because he fears Miles might abandon him again. This one breaks in chapter 7 when he has the whole realization that Miles might die and leave him regardless, and acknowledges how afraid he is of Miles leaving again.

And the last is more of acknowledging his need to be needed by people and help people but they move on without him and not don’t really him in their lives. This built up more gradually... with littler things like Apollo leaving the Agency and Maya not being around as much and Trucy moving out. Neither of these are Big Bad Traumatic Events like the other two but it’s still an issue Phoenix has that he needs to acknowledge. Trucy’s letter breaks this one by telling him he’s never going to be alone and they all love him and are there for him. And that’s why right after reading the letter he can tell Miles that he loves him.

So that’s that. Moving back to the actual story now...

“Phoenix?”

Edgeworth still stood so close, too close, and when Phoenix breathed his senses were assaulted by the scent of his cologne and — and he was too close, and his words were too much, Edgeworth couldn’t be in love with him. Attracted, sure, but love — how could he so easily say love?

This wasn’t like Edgeworth. This wasn’t how things were before, this wasn’t how things had always been, every time things changed too fast something would go wrong, every time things changed too fast Edgeworth would leave again —

(— and right now Edgeworth’s body was coiled tight with tension, like a spring, ready to take off at any sudden movement —)

— and Phoenix couldn’t say a word.

Fairly self-explanatory I think: basically acknowledging that fear that Miles is going to leave again.

Phoenix was standing on the edge of a turnabout. Somewhere he’d have to take the plunge for victory, for the truth. He’d never shied from them before. He’d always accepted the risks. And they’d (almost always) paid off.

But something had Phoenix in a vice. Dark chains that wrapped around his chest and constricted his lungs. Something that would drown him if he took the plunge. Something that whispered that he could not risk this, his heart and his life in one. There was too much to lose. It was all too much.

That little (almost always) there is referencing that one time he presented the critical case-changing evidence and got disbarred for it; his disbarment messed him up pretty bad too, I guess it’d fit in the category of the third psyche-lock.

And of course the second paragraph references the psyche-locks more directly before they actually show up.

The words came. They weren’t the ones he wanted.

“No,” said Phoenix. “No, I don’t.”

The rattling in Phoenix’s head cut out. Silence fell over the room.

Pretty much once Phoenix stops pressing the issue the psyche-locks stop shaking. I imagine they’re a pretty terrible thing to break directly; he can’t do it on his own like this.

“... I see,” said Edgeworth, and something snapped shut, drew tight, rigid, back to a statue. “I thought… nevermind.”

Miles kind of draws back into himself all tightly-controlled, less open than before, because that really hurt him a lot. He’d probably prefer it than Phoenix being all evasive and sort of reassuring because he prefers people just cut straight to the facts, but that was direct even for him.

And of course he thought that Phoenix did feel that way about him. He was certain of it. So hearing Phoenix didn’t and he was completely wrong is... not good.

He’d gone so still. At the sight of it, whatever spell was holding Phoenix in its grasp broke, and he came back to reality — this wasn’t right, this wasn’t good, he had to fix this, somehow, bring things back to the way they were, “Edgeworth—”

And the sight of Miles completely freezing up and closing himself off is enough to break Phoenix free of the initial panic, because he does care a lot about Miles, and seeing him withdraw worries him.

“It’s getting late,” said Edgeworth, and only someone as experienced as Phoenix could detect the waver in his voice. “Thank you for being honest with me, Wright. I’ll talk to you later.”

The remark stung worse than a knife would, he couldn’t let it end like this. “I—”

The office door shut, none too gently. Phoenix was alone.

“... I’m sorry.”

That “thank you for being honest with me” wasn’t SUPPOSED to be a jab, of course, because Miles would prefer that Phoenix was honest than lie to him. But Phoenix did lie and that’s what bothers Phoenix the most throughout the next couple of chapters; they both value the truth so highly that lying to each other is inconceivable.

And Miles probably should have stuck around for a bit and heard Phoenix out and maybe Phoenix could have managed a half-decent explanation of “okay I don’t know what that was but this was very sudden and I’m panicking, can you give me time to process?” but if Miles stayed for much longer he probably would have started breaking down and that’s the last thing he wants to do right now, especially in front of Phoenix, so he left as soon as possible.

I think he managed to repress enough that he could get home safely, but the moment he crossed the threshold into privacy he probably had himself a good cry... curled up on the couch and watched some Steel Samurai with a tub of ice cream... but he was pretty emotionally devastated by this. It took a lot of effort for him to open up and be honest about his feelings so just being shut down like that... hurt a lot. He’d never admit it though.

anyways I also have this short bit of writing I posted a while back about Miles actually getting a hug after all this, because he really needs one.

And that’s the scene!! I think I said more than enough so I’ll end it here haha.

#dvd commentary meme #the catch-up game #this one got SUPER long I'm SO sorry #asks

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penguiduck · 4 years

Text

The Relationship Between Readers & Writers: Creating Motivation and Appreciation for Readers

Introduction | Part 1: What is this Relationship? | Part 2: Creating Motivation and Appreciation for Readers | Part 3: A Day in the Life of… | Part 4: Creating Motivation and Appreciation for Writers: Perspectives | Part 5: Creating Motivation and Appreciation for Writers: Implementation | Part 6: How to Write the Best Feedback | Part 7: Where Does This Leave Us?

Last chapter, we discussed the nature of this unique relationship between readers and writers, and the currency that is exchanged between them. This section is for the writers. I hope to give you some insight on how to motivate your readers and let them feel appreciated for giving your work the attention it deserves.

As a reminder, currency can be provided in a number of different ways, but I’m going to focus primarily on feedback in this section because I think it is the most feasible and appropriate.

A common theme that I’ve been hearing is that readers can be shy or uncomfortable giving feedback. This can be due to the nature of an online relationship because reading work anonymously is an option. It can also be due to a language barrier or general reluctance to engage. Or perhaps it’s due to a bad experience with leaving feedback in the past in which they were reproached for expressing their honest thoughts.

Writers can’t necessarily help make a reader less shy or remove the language barrier, but they can be approachable and kind. They can welcome feedback and reward those who offer it. If a writer is consistently welcoming, it may encourage readers to take a chance and provide much-desired feedback.

In the case of a poor experience, I think it’s especially important to be cognizant and ensure that this does not happen between you and your readers. I will address the acceptance of criticism and opposing opinions at the end of this section to help reinforce this.

If a relationship between readers and writers is desired, writers have the responsibility of being affable and fostering an environment in which readers can provide honest feedback without fear of confrontation. Let’s first discuss ways in which we can encourage readers to come forth with feedback.

WHAT DO READERS WANT?

They want good work, writing that can make them feel what they want to feel, whether that’s heartrending angst or tooth-rotting joy. They want to feel respected should they choose to voice their opinions. They want to know that writers care about their work and their relationship with readers.

Nothing I’ve said is revolutionary, but I think there are a few things writers can consistently do to stay honest with these ideas:

1. Respond to your readers. It’s a small gesture, but if they take the time to give you feedback, the least you can do is thank them for it.

Imagine you telling someone, random stranger or not, that you like their new haircut or their shoes, and that compliment falls into an awkward silence. You probably won’t compliment them anymore because you don’t know if your compliments are welcome. So if you, as a writer, want more feedback, you need to acknowledge those who are currently providing it.

This doesn’t just apply to comments and reviews. This applies to emails, Facebook chats, Tumblr asks, etc. It’s basic manners to acknowledge feedback, no matter how short or simple.

2. Thank your readers. You can do this comment by comment, but I like to thank my readers by name in each new update. It lets readers know that I’ve read their feedback and that I’ve not forgotten their kindness, even as I continue to write new chapters.

A sincere thank you goes a long way in expressing that appreciation.

3. Involve your readers. I think having reader input is instrumental to writing some types of fiction. For example, I primarily write reader-inserts — anything from straight one-shots in second person to versions of CYOAs and WWYFFs — and sometimes my readers say things in the comments that make me pensive.

Ask readers questions. If you’re not sure about a certain writing style, theme, or idea, just ask them. I tend to do this at the end of every chaptered piece of fiction that I publish because it’s an opportunity to gather reader input and make myself a better writer for my audience. An honest desire to improve is a very welcome prospect for readers — it shows that you care about their thoughts and opinions.

4. Do things for your readers to show your appreciation. You’re a writer — I assume you like writing. Write for your readers.

You can do this by hosting raffles or opening requests. As an example, I host a raffle every month for my readers called An Expression of Thanks. Those who leave comments on my works are eligible, and the winner of this raffle receives a written one-shot. When the events of COVID-19 first started, I opened a request booklet called A Single Word. to help readers cope with the global pandemic. You can hold raffles for any occasion and any conditions.

Celebrate your accomplishments to thank your readers for sticking with you. Did you get to a certain amount of kudos on AO3? Hit chapter 100 for one of your fics? Did you just reach an anniversary for posting on a specific site?

These are all incredible accomplishments for you, but where would you be without your loyal readers? Raffle off one-shots, art, beta-reading services, even gift cards or other items of sentimental value. Donate to a cause on behalf of your readers. Get creative!

5. Update consistently and complete your works, if possible. You certainly don’t have to spend every waking moment writing. Self-care is important, after all, but no one needs me to tell you that readers appreciate quality writing and updates to their favorite stories.

Do whatever you need to do to nurture your love for writing, and don’t let yourself burn out. But don’t forget that there are readers waiting on the edge of their seats for an update, and by providing a new chapter or new piece, you could very well make their day.

ADDRESSING CRITICISM AND CONTRARY OPINIONS

I’d like to dedicate some time to criticism and how to approach it. To level-set, allow me to define what I mean by criticism. I am not referring to outright rude, trolling, or hateful comments. These are of a different category and should be dealt with in another manner — they should be ignored and reported to an administrator. For the purpose of this essay, I am specifically addressing well-intentioned feedback that is of a critical nature or a contrary opinion.

First, please realize tone is often lost in informal writing online. It can be hard to hear when someone is being sarcastic or gentle or sheepish. Start by believing that your readers have the best of intentions and give them the benefit of the doubt. They’re not trying to ruin your day.

Understand that feedback is a gift, even if it’s critical. Someone took precious time out of their day to tell you something about your writing. They don’t have to do that, but they care enough to provide you this information. Accept it, and thank them for their effort, even if you don’t agree.

Accepting criticism is not always easy — to be candid, not all criticism is fair. It’s entirely possible that readers can misinterpret your meaning or, simply, be wrong. Nevertheless, it’s vital that you remain gracious and kind. You don’t have to agree with the criticism. The nature of writing and art is subjectivity — some people like A, and some people like B. That’s okay.

What’s important is that you foster an environment in which these differences in opinion are accepted and appreciated.

Still don’t like critical feedback?

You can ask your readers to not provide any. I’m sure they’ll kindly oblige. However, I advise against this because if you want to grow as a writer, you need to learn to accept criticism, and even apply it to your craft.

J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter pitch was rejected 12 times before she found success. Stephen King’s Carrie was rejected by 30 publishers. Madeleine L’Engle’s A Wrinkle in Time was rejected 26 times before finally finding a publisher who would accept it.

My point is that these are incredibly popular books, best-selling and well-loved by a huge portion of the world population, and even they were faced with rejection by those with varying opinions.

My advice is to grow a thicker skin. Don’t let criticism crumble your confidence. You’re still learning as a writer, refining and polishing your craft as you continue your journey. Even published authors had to walk this same path — and are still walking this path.

There will always be opinions that contradict yours. Oftentimes, they won’t be right or wrong — they’re just opinions.

You have freedom of speech, not freedom from speech. You can write whatever you’d like; people can say whatever they want to say about it. By posting your work online, you are opening yourself up to the possibility of criticism.

It’s a fact. Let it be.

I loathe what I call “care bear culture.” While I think it’s important to be polite and thoughtful when rendering opinions, writers should not be offended by or shield themselves from innocuous, well-intentioned comments. This exposure and acceptance of criticism is a fundamental piece of learning and becoming a better writer. If you reject constructive criticism and limit your exposure of opinions to those that agree with your own, you reject personal growth.

People are allowed to have opinions. They are allowed to think that A is better than B or X is superior to Y; and if you’re a supporter of B or Y, you have the right to respectfully defend your position. But do not disregard a polite comment or piece of feedback simply because it is contrary to what you have done or prefer.

Do not allow opposing opinions to break your creative spirit. Diversity of thought is incredibly important and powerful. If you dissuade your readers from providing this type of feedback, you may not get any feedback at all.

Some of the most useful feedback I’ve ever received was uncomfortable for me to read and hurtful to apply to my craft. It’s not easy looking at your writing with a critical eye because what you’ve put on paper is part of you. How can you criticize yourself and your work?

There is a piece of writing advice out there: Kill your darlings. Sometimes your readers can give you incredible perspective on who or what your darlings are.

Allow yourself to be uncomfortable. Embrace that discussion. You will be a better writer for it.

In the meantime, be gracious and kind when receiving criticism. As I mentioned earlier, you don’t have to agree with the criticism, but take it to heart. Consider it. If you focus too much on why it’s said and not what is said, then you’re going to struggle with accepting criticism.

Allow yourself to be a better writer. You deserve that opportunity.

This is also posted on AO3.

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eyessharpweaponshot · 5 years

Note

I really enjoy your fics and the fic recs you’ve done in the past, but with all the new ones for Big Bang and bingo I really don’t know where to start! Any pointers?

Hi nonny.

Wow, tough question. Bellarke Big Bang had so many wonderful fics submitted for its challenge (some that are still on my ‘marked to read’ section on ao3) and mine and @pawprinterfanfic challenge (Bellarke Bingo) has submissions almost daily so again, I haven’t gotten around to reading them all yet.

But I will try to form a fic rec for you based on the ones I have read. I’ll add the links, pop in the summary and then give a brief commentary (in italics) of what I thought/why the fic needed to be included in this rec list.

We’ll start with @bellarkebigbang:

1. Paint me in Trust by @pawprinterfanfic

Clarke is on the run. It’s 1997 in Britain, during the height of the Second Wizarding War. Voldemort is running rampage through the Wizarding World, fear is weighing heavily on everyone, and anyone who doesn’t side with the Dark Lord is in danger. Clarke was expected to side with him. She’s from a pureblood family that has decades tangled with the Dark Arts, after all. But, she didn’t.

So, she ran. Somehow, she finds her way to a safe house where she meets with other wizards and witches on the run.

All Bellamy wanted to do is to keep his sister safe. Instead of saving her, he’s stuck in a safe house with her. She’s a Slytherin, and she’s the daughter of a Death Eater. He doesn’t trust Clarke; why should he? Now, he’s stuck with her as they roam around the country, looking for places to stay safe and stay hidden. He quickly realizes that things could be worse. And… maybe Clarke isn’t as bad as he thought.

A Harry Potter world AU, written by my magnificent friend Essie. I’m not just putting this here because she’s my friend, this fic is actual gold. It’s so well written, like everything she writes, and I cannot get enough of it. Brilliance.

2. We were in love (now we’re strangers) by @raven-reyes-of-sunshine

Bellamy stares at his phone in concern. Asking him to fake date Clarke would be a weird thing to ask even if they were still friends. But they’re not. They hardly even talk anymore. But for Raven to be asking, practically begging, there must be a fairly good reason that Clarke needs a fake boyfriend for this wedding. It’s just not something she would be asking otherwise. Especially not something she would be getting Raven to ask him. It’s a lot and it has him concerned.

He’s not agreeing to it. He’s just saying that he’s going to need more time and more information and maybe a face to face conversation before he makes a decision. He and Clarke might not be friends anymore. But he’d known her forever. He can’t help caring. He cares with his whole heart. He can’t stop that. And he won’t lie. He’s a little curious. So he sends Raven a message that says they’ll discuss it when she’s sober and switches off his phone so he can sleep.

This girl was born with heaps of talent. I actually got the opportunity to pre-read a little bit of this fic before it was posted and it was agony waiting for the rest of it. It grips you from the opening line and I can’t sell this fic enough. READ IT.

3. Take Me to Your River (A Waltz in Three Parts) by @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky

After the events on the Ground, Clarke and Bellamy no longer feel like the team they once were. They’re puzzle pieces that don’t fit, languages with no connection, and worlds with no peace. So when they venture out into the new planet to scout before waking everyone up, they have an opportunity to relearn who they are after all the time apart, discovering the people they’ve become.

Except when they stumble across an abandoned mansion in the woods from a distant piano, they discover this world has hidden traps that Earth never had. Now they’ll have to survive their own ghosts. Except what will they do when the real ghosts are each other?

The Day Trip 2.0 fic no one asked for.

I adored this fic from beginning to end. It had to be part of my rec list because it’s one fic that stands out in my head when I think of this challenge. And I also love the girl who wrote it too - such a sweetheart.

4. In A Pitch Black World (Anything Goes) by @talistheintrovert

Bellamy and Clarke fell in love in Cairo in 1943, and then Clarke broke his heart. In 1949, Bellamy is working as a Private Investigator in London when Clarke turns up on his doorstep claiming her grandfather was murdered. No-one is above suspicion and the killer is poised to strike again.Or, the Crooked House AU that I’ve been *dying* to write for months.

Is it really a fic rec if Talis isn’t apart of it? The artwork of this fic combined with the story is so so beautiful and I always remember it. It’s such a gripping plot and I’d re-read this until I die. Yeah, this has to make the cut!

5. A Watch With No Hands by @kinetic-elaboration

Bellamy has lived his whole life in space, in a series of 300-year old space stations known as the Ark. When an oxygen crisis sends the stations down to Earth, he flees the beginning of a military dictatorship, and discovers that his long-abandoned home planet isn’t as deserted as he believed it to be.

Clarke lives in peace with her people, making art that celebrates the beauty of the Earth. But a recent discovery by her best friend has opened up the possibility that the world was not always this peaceful, nor this beautiful. Wells’s subsequent disappearance, the surreptitious experiments of her neighbors, and the inscrutable silence of the village’s leader, all contribute to a growing sense of unease in her community. When she encounters a stranger in the woods, they give each other the answers they’ve each been seeking: about history, peace, trust, the Earth’s violent past, and its hopeful future.

This was one of the most intriguing and unique storylines that I read in the Big Bang challenge. The way everything was described, the detail - ugh, it’s just a masterpiece. I wonder why I bother writing when I read fics like this one, how could I compare?

6. Hung up on You by @eyessharpweaponshot

Bellamy Blake does not get hung up on girls. It just doesn’t happen. It’s probably why he’s out of his depth when his easy ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement with Clarke Griffin turns into something he can’t control. He’s heartbroken when she leaves town, leaves him, and he thinks he’s made a good effort to move on. However, upon her return, it only takes the mere mention of her name for the crushing realisation to hit: he never got over her at all.

I’m gonna plug my own fic submission to Big Bang here guys. Because, well, why not?

***

Okay. Onto @bellarkebingo. This challenge is obviously close to my heart as myself and Essie are hosting it and I will eventually get around to all the fics on there.

I, myself, haven’t even had time to complete anything off of my own bingo card yet but I’m so excited to do it. The talent that has come out of this challenge already is off the chain and sign ups are always open, so come on over and request a card to start writing.

Here are some of the fics I have been loving so far:

1. Melt Into You by @icantloseyou-too

Clarke might have underestimated the blizzard. What was supposed to be a late finish at the clinic to catch up on paperwork turns into a storm-stayed night with the last person she would have expected, but as she’s about to find out, a lot can happen in one night.

Wow guys, just wow. What people are doing with the tropes on their cards - I can’t deal. I have no fingernails left after this fic - I was hooked, obsessed, invested, heartbroken, intrigued and outrageously happy. I love this girl to death and she created thee most magnificent piece for bellarke bingo. Bravo!

2. guess it’s never really over by @captaindaddykru

“You want me to put a kitchen supply up my—”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he interjects, shoulders shaking with a chuckle. It fades and a heavy feeling of resignation settles between them. “Imagine how many diapers we could buy with that kind of money.”

Clarke crosses her arms over her chest, almost petulant. She knows he hates it when she gives him an attitude for no reason. “Well, what do you expect we do?” Does he wanna blow it off? He never used to be a quitter. She lets out almost this nervous chuckle, tongue darting out to wet her lips as she thinks of the most ridiculous option of them all. “The old-fashioned way?”

He half-shrugs, cool expression on his face. Still, she knows him too well to not realize he’s being completely serious. “It worked out pretty well for us last time.”

Or: Clarke and Bellamy think it’s a good idea to try and have another child together even though they divorced three years ago.

Right, for those of you who know me well, seeing ‘exes, angst and smut’ in a bellarke fic just basically shoots the fic into my favourites/will read again pile straight away. This fic more than lived up to it. The plot was awesome and something I’ve never read before and even just describing it makes me want to go back and read it again right now. Amazing.

3. dance away your fear of love by @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold

Life for Bellamy Blake hasn’t changed much in the past few years, not since his mother’s death and he took over her coffee shop in his hometown of Stars Hollow. That is until he receives a phone call from his ex, his high school girlfriend Clarke Griffin. Motherhood brings Clarke back home and from there they slip into new roles, while he battles old forgotten emotions.

This was everything I never knew I needed. The characterisation, the plot, the FEELS. This had to be on the rec list, there was no way I’d consider leaving it off of it. It was honestly perfect, from every angle. Not to mention that the author is a complete and utter babe.

4. to save a life I didn’t have by @kombellarke

Post 6.08 Speculation. Bellamy drags Josephine through the woods in search of Gabriel. He is confronted by a manifestation of his darkest fear and deepest desire, Clarke Griffin.

I have read other fics from this author and honestly, she just gets better and better each time she writes. Such an amazing, heart wrenching fic. It was one of the first submissions I read and it brought the biggest smile to my face to see such talented fics coming to our challenge.

5. Would Roses Bloom by @icantloseyou-too

Clarke was totally fine with being ‘just friends’ with Bellamy, honestly. Even on the nights they kissed they were just friends. Even on the nights they fell into each other’s beds they were just friends. So when Bellamy starts dating Echo it shouldn’t sting at all. It shouldn’t.

Another fic submission by this girl and honestly, I can’t tell you which one I like better. They are both phenomenal but this fic stands out majorly to me. I can relate to it on a personal level and reading it makes me feel like I’m actually living in the plot. My heart races and I feel the shame, the worry, the pain - EVERYTHING.

6. Sick of Losing Soulmates by @pawprinterfanfic

Clarke and Bellamy talk after the events at Gabriel’s. After almost losing her again, Bellamy intends to not let emotions go unspoken.

I don’t think Essie has wrote a fic yet where I haven’t shed a tear over it. This was incredibly beautiful and so well written. I’m so lucky to know such inspirational, incredible writers.

7. hanging all her hopes on the stars by @carrieeve

a month ago, Bellamy and Clarke slept together. a one-time, drunken thing and now they are very much not talking about it. in fact, they are not really talking about anything because Clarke is sure Bellamy doesn’t want it to mean anything and since she’s been in love with him for years now, this all feels pretty much like the world is ending.

the world, not one to be outdone, decides to show off and actually ends.

I just read this fic this morning and I couldn’t leave it off the rec list. It was so good, so interesting and a great concoction of tropes off of her bingo card. I’m very fond of Karolina’s fics and this did not let me down. So good and a perfect fic to end the fic rec with.

#bellarke big bang #fic rec list #eyessharpweaponshot #bellarke bingo #ask #answered #anon #bellarke fanfiction #jensficrecs

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everlarkficexchange · 6 years

Text

Be In My Eye

(Prompt 70)

Written by: @reachingforaspark on tumblr, Grace_d on AO3

Prompt by: @567inpanem

Prompt 70: No one Katniss knew got reaped, and after the 75th the games stopped, hunting became easier, she’s looking forward to graduation, and she feels a growing attraction to boy with bread but she’s clueless as to what to do after 1 ½ decades of acting role of son her father never had and man of the house. She approaches problem like stalking game: observe. She learns a lot but realizes she needs help from only one person: popular merchant and Peeta expert Delly who’s thrilled to help in manhunt <3

AN: Thanks so much for the prompt @567inpanem. I got super excited and planned out a multi chapter fic response to this prompt, but considering I’ve got two other two Everlark multi chapter WIPs already I abandoned. Instead I crafted a one shot from a scene in the story I planned, which still fits the prompt. When I have some free time I’d love to revisit and expand on the world presented in the prompt. Thanks to @xerxia31 and @javistg for organising!

Rating: General, minor coarse language.

Disclaimer: This is a fan work and I don’t own The Hunger Games!

Be In My Eye

Peeta Mellark is everywhere since the Revolution. At the moment, he’s between me and my way back into the district. And he’s not alone.

I pull back into the tree-line, watching as he walks in circles around the meadow. Twin blonde heads flash in the sunlight. He’s got his niece, Ava, scooped against his broad chest with one arm, a bag tucked under the other. He must find what he’s looking for, because he sets Ava on her feet and pulls a blanket from his pack. Peeta always spends a few hours on a Sunday looking after his brother’s toddler.

It’s a perfect spring day, and he’s picked the end where the wildflowers grow, under the overhang of the great oak tree that reaches across into the fence. Recently someone has hung a swing from the heavy branch, and it drifts softly in the breeze.

Belatedly, I realise there’s no reason for me to be lurking in the woods. I have a hunting permit now, and special permission to be beyond the fence. I hear Delly’s cross voice in my head. He’s just a boy, she’d told me, not a damn bear. Stop hiding. I’ve discovered that Delly Cartwright is an unexpectedly bossy ally. But for whatever reason I don’t feel like strolling out of the trees and interrupting this scene.

Peeta is propped up on his forearms while his niece sits in front of him, babbling away. From here I can just hear her bright tones, punctuated by squeals as she occasionally reaches over to pat his face. Babies in Twelve are round cheeked and happy now, and Ava is no exception. My mother and Prim cooed for a week over her the first time she attended the new check-up clinic. I’m not one for babies normally, but now the Hunger Games are abolished, even I have a smile for Ava, with her dimpled chin and blonde curls.

I can see Peeta’s concentrating, the tilt of his head familiar. It’s how he looks when he’s filling out the chalkboards in class, or listening to the New Panem broadcasts we get once a week from District Thirteen. I creep closer, sticking to the shadows until I can make out the dimple in his cheek as Ava pokes his nose. He catches her hand before it ends up in his eye and pretends to bite it. Ava squeals and toddles off, Peeta chasing her. Something about the scene makes my stomach hurt, and I brush it away.

It’s just the normal discomfort I have when I look at Peeta lately. It’s worse when he smiles, and awful when he laughs. I’ve chalked it up to ongoing guilt about never thanking him for the bread, compounded by the realisation recently that Peeta has probably never thought twice about it. Since the Revolution he’s demonstrated his goodness a hundred times over, volunteering every second he’s not in class or at the bakery, at the school, for the new construction, he even carries clinic supplies from the train station for my mother.

He’s left a sketchbook open on the blanket, pencil forgotten. My eyes linger on it for a second, but instead I track the two Mellark’s in the meadow. I walk parallel to their path, them in the sun, me in the trees, a fence between us, as Ava waddles from place to place ripping flowers from the ground and handing them to Peeta. He accepts each one with serious thanks. The sight of Peeta cupping fistfuls of daisies in his wide hands would be amusing if it wasn’t so achingly sweet. Something’s wrong with my damn stomach again. I’ll talk to Mum about it when I get home.

He herds Ava back towards the shade, and distracts her with cut up apple slices while he picks up his pencil again. If I climb out onto the branch supporting the swing I’ll probably be able to see what he’s doing, but I hesitate. There’s pretty good foliage cover, it’s not like I would be interrupting, but it feels like it’s crossing some kind of line. I try to remember if Delly said anything about that. Somehow I don’t think it’s come up yet. We’re still on the ‘how to say Hello to Peeta’ stage. Casting my mind about, I do remember her saying, Show you’re interested in what he’s interested in. Checking out his art is being interested right? I’ll just scoot out and scoot back before he even notices me.

Deciding that sounds reasonable, I spin my game bag around my back and scale the tree, my handholds sure and steady. I inch along the branch on my stomach, shifting out until I’m almost overtop the swing. Ava’s still got an apple slice clutched in one hand, and a stick in the other, scratching it against the dirt. And Peeta is sliding his pencil against the paper, drawing. I suck a deep breath. It’s incredible. He’s loosely sketched Ava, crouched in a pile of wildflowers, plump fingers clasped around a stem. With each run over the outline he refines her soft form, lines becoming clearer as if he’s pulling her out of the page. It’s mesmerising, and I rest my head against the branch as I follow his hand across the page. The breeze blows my hair against my forehead and I relax into the tree.

I watch Peeta’s hand gripping the pencil lightly, follow the line of his forearms, watching the muscles underneath his skin ripple a little. The light hairs on his arms glint gold as the breeze catches the light and dappled shadows play over his shoulders. Between the rustling leaves around me, the swishing of the grasses and the soft scratching of Peeta’s pencil, I feel trapped in a sort of dream. He flips the page, starting a new sketch, and a rope braid begins to form. My daydream is interrupted by Ava clambering on Peeta’s lap, a prize clutched in her hand.

“Rock!” she demands, holding it out to him.

“Thanks Ava,” he says, “what a pretty rock.”

I smile a little to myself.

“Apple!” She points to the basket and Peeta agrees, picking up a daisy and tucking it into her hair. It slips straight through her thin curls.

“Tree!” she points again and Peeta attempts to tuck the daisy behind her ear. It falls out, dragged by the heavy head of the flower. “Bird!” she squeals, ducking out of Peeta’s reach. “Swing!” she points again.

I bite my lip, holding back a laugh, as Peeta uselessly tries to fix the flower in her hair.

“Girl!” Ava squeals.

I freeze. Ava’s pointing directly at me. I wiggle backwards, trying to retreat.

“Girl?” Peeta sounds confused as his head swings around. “Oh!”

He’s seen me.

“Hey Peeta.” I say lamely, sitting up with a little wave. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Hey Katniss,” he says, squinting up at me. “Fancy seeing you…up there.” The left corner of his mouth lifts.

I scoot forwards and quickly lower myself down the rope swing. I drop onto the wooden seat. What did Delly say again? Smile, (no not like that Katniss, you aren’t a maniac), and be nice. I force a smile onto my face. It feels like a grimace. Two pairs of blue eyes watch me. I’m suddenly aware that I’m a hot, sweaty mess, with a bag full of dead animals, and there’s a leaf in my braid.

“Katniss, this is Ava,” Peeta says politely, flipping his notebook closed. “Ava, this is my friend Katniss.”

She tucks herself into Peeta’s side. “Bird now?” She asks.

Peeta laughs, lifting the girl into his lap. “Yes, Katniss is just like a bird. And when she sings all the other birds stop to listen it’s so pretty.” He busies himself with finger-combing Ava’s hair.

“Preddy.” Ava repeats seriously, looking at me.

I flush and look away. No wonder I can’t talk to Peeta. I can hardly cope with him telling a silly story to a child.

Sit up straight Katniss, Delly chides me. I roll my shoulders back. Ask him about himself.

“How are you?” I say and cringe at my pathetic conversation starter.

“I’m good thanks. Ava and I are having a lovely picnic. Aren’t we?” He says smoothly, tickling Ava’s sides and smiling a little at me. “And you? Good hunting today?”

“Yeah, very successful.” I kick my foot against the ground, pushing myself on the swing a little. “I forgot my key, for the gate, that’s why I was in the tree. Had to get home.” I stumble over my lie.

“Well lucky for us then. We got to see you in your natural habit.” Peeta says. He’s doing that half smile of his again.

I scowl and pull the leaf from my hair, feeling more like a wild thing than ever.

“Hey! Aim that laser glare elsewhere.” Peeta protests, rubbing the back of his neck. “I meant that as a compliment.”

My stomach rolls. I’m saved from the horror of trying to work out what to do with a compliment from Peeta by him letting out a horrified yelp and lunging for Ava. “Ava! Spit that out.”

She’s got a bundle of dandelions clenched in her chubby fist. A stray yellow petal is stuck to the drool on the side of her chin. I laugh and reassure him that dandelions are completely edible. I’ve eaten enough of them.

“Are you sure?” He asks. He flops back on the blanket, propping his hands behind him. “Oh right, apprentice botanist and resident woodland expert. That’s exciting.”

I nod, surprised he’s heard about my job offer. I guess most people have, new opportunities like that are exciting in Twelve. I push myself on the swing a little, lifting my feet out of the grass.

“You can’t eat these can you?” He gestures to the pile of white flowers beside him. “I feel bad. We practically stripped the whole meadow.”

I laugh.

“You can make wine with them, but I have a better idea.” I say.

I kneel down beside him on the blanket. I run my thumbnail through the stem of a daisy, then thread another daisy through it, showing him what I’m doing. Peeta picks up the method quickly, pulling together his own short string of flowers. Ava wanders back over, sitting between us, leaning on my bare knee with her sticky fingers. I hum to her as I thread dandelions as well as daisies together, trying not to look at Peeta’s hands.

“How do I finish it?” Peeta asks eventually.

I take his short chain from him, rounding off the end to make a tidy crown. I lay it onto Ava’s head. She looks a picture, with her round blue eyes staring seriously at me and the daisies floating on her golden curls. Peeta’s looking at her too, a gentle smile on his face. There’s a smattering of golden freckles across the bridge of his nose that I’ve never been close enough to see before. My stomach flutters again.

Impulsively, I lean over and place my completed chain on Peeta’s head. “For you.” I say, pushing his messy waves off his forehead.

I realise what I’ve done just as Peeta reaches up to grab my hand, startled. I shoot to my feet, knocking Ava back into Peeta’s lap.

“Now you’re matching.” I stammer, avoiding his wide-eyed gaze. Ava seems unaffected by my awkwardness, blowing me a bye-bye kiss as I scoop up my bag and bolt across the meadow, hand tingling.

I try to think of what Delly would say in this circumstance, but all I can recall is her parting advice.

Just be yourself.

#Springtime Edition 2019 #submission #reachingforaspark #567inpanem #prompt 70

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reylofanfictionanthology · 6 years

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THE REYLO FANFICTION ANTHOLOGY ST. VALENTINE’S DAY LOVE FEST

This year, to celebrate St. Valentine’s Day, we wanted to show the Reylo Writing Community a little bit of love by hosting a Reylo Fanfiction St. Valentine’s Day Love Fest.

We will accept recommendations for this project until the end of February. You can find details about how to submit a recommendation to the project here.

LOVE FEST LIST #5/?

REYLO COMMUNITY RECOMMENDATIONS

Starlight, Your Memories by NatMatryoshka

Summary: "Ben Solo was ten years old when, in the outskirts of the capital, a little girl was born. Her parents called her Rey and, after she was old enough to walk, they left her in the care of Master Luke Skywalker and vanished without a trace soon after. No one knew who they were, or why they chose an odd hermit as guardian of their only daughter, but many could smell the scent of cheap wine in the father’s breath: they were two derelicts, and maybe they had realized in time they couldn’t do anything good for their daughter. Rey was a Sensitive, just like Ben. The Force had entwined their lives a long time before."

Recommendation by @the-witch-of-the-web: “Because it has a wonderful fairytale vibe to it, and the author is great at portraying the inner turmoil and subtle feelings of the main characters. The style is great, considering they're not a native English speaker, and I'd really love to see more recognition for their stories. This one in particular offers a unique and amazing storyline, I also love the way they describe the locations in which the story takes place.”

Tokens by Trish47

Summary: A year after Leia's death, Rey invites Ben to Endor to make his peace.

Recommendation by @ceallaigheirinn: “This is truly a beautiful piece in its quiet agony wrapped in comfort. The detente was perfect with its shared promise to each other as they part. I am a sucker for remembrance fics, and this one is perfect.”

I don't want (to set the world on fire) by OccasionallyCreative

Summary: Rey goes on a mission to answer a distress signal on a Force-sensitive alien planet and finds something that might just save her if it doesn't lead to her ruin.

Recommendation by @apisa-b: “This canonverse story pulls the reader into a fever dream, in which the Force is kind, but at the same time monstrous in how it imposes its will.”

Nothing but Themselves by Knight_of_Cookies

Summary: Sometimes what you ask for is not what you actually wanted. Rey wanted a family. Kylo wanted Rey. Now an adopted father is dead and Kylo is captured for it. Kylo is Rey's prisoner, and her family does not take such a death lightly. Vengrat'tua. There will be vengeance. Pirunir Sur'haaise. Make him pay for what he did.

Recommendation by @persimonne: “The writing is something very different, direct and "cinematic": while reading images pop directly into your brain and they're so vivid! The plot features prisoner!Kylo vs Rey living with a brand new adoptive family and working as a mechanic.”

echoes (again) by reflectionslie (fallsink)

Summary: again and again, she slips from his grasp like moonlight (reincarnation au where ben seeks her through their past lives and maybe, just maybe this time this time will be the last) [prev name: it goes round and round (everything falling)]

Recommendation by @politicalmamaduck: “It is so beautifully written and such a gorgeous take on the idea of soulmates and reincarnation, so perfectly suited to Reylo. If you loved the art Anthology's 25 Lives Project, this is definitely the fic for you--it takes the same poem as its inspiration and theme!”

The Tale of Blue Ben by flypaper_brain

Summary: Some escaped goats and a chance encounter land Rey in the middle of a fairy tale. She is the happy ending. And she is not alone.

Recommendation by @leofgyth: “Ben is a dragon! He's heartbreakingly wonderful. And Rey is a witch, a competent witch. And there are goats. And a spell to break (maybe more than one spell). It's just very sweet.”

RFFA WRITERS SELF RECOMMENDATIONS

The Water Packed my Pockets Full of Stones by LilibethSonar

Summary: When Finn turned the car she saw Ben in the rearview mirror. Standing by the house, unmoving as if he wasn’t… alive. She didn’t cry on their way back to the bay: lichens and rocks outside her window were really picturesque, that’s all. When Rey saw the ocean again, her emotions ebbed. The sight of the Marauder calmed her completely, taking away her uncertainty. The truth was bitter; he brought it on himself.

“It's the first long-ish fic in English that I've written and finished. I had so much fun writing it, and I hope that reading it can bring someone joy. Also, worldbuilding.”

In Un'Altra Vita by NatMatryoshka

Summary: "Sometimes, after hundreds of failures you finally get something precious, don’t you believe it?” Rey, a reporter, falls in love with Venezia and its Carnival. Ben Solo, a photographer, starts to dream about a mysterious boy and a world he doesn't know. Maybe their souls are more similar than they think.

“I loved to write about Venezia and its Carnival. It's one of my favourite places to visit and its magic fills every corner: I thought it was the perfect place to set a Reylo fic about dreams and alternative realities. I loved to travel through Venezia with my imagination, I hope readers would love to do it, too!”

Scars by punkeraa

Summary: a smuggler!Ben x jedi!Rey AU Certain scars run deeper than others, leaving behind marks on the soul, irreversibly altering the person forever. Ben Solo drinks to drown demons he'd rather run away from than face head on, a traumatic event in his youth that still tightly grips him sixteen years later. Rey scavenges, starves, and suffers at the hands of Unkar Plutt in the Jakku wasteland waiting for her mother, anchored to the sands with a promise and a half forgotten tune. When the drunkard and the scavenger cross paths, their scars refuse to be ignored any longer. With an enemy lurking in the shadows and ready to strike, they must work together to confront their deep seated fears and grow beyond. A story about wanting revenge. A story about running away and not dealing with one’s trauma and pain. A story about acknowledging one’s anger while actively dealing with the painful scars life inflicts upon us.

“i love this fic because it was born out of intense trauma as a way for me to deal with it. it's a smuggler!Ben AU but (i believe) pretty different from most of the ones out there. in this story, Ben is an alcoholic suffering from PTSD after watching his parents murdered in front of him as a young child; he wants to run away from his trauma and drink himself silly rather than confronting the pain. Rey is stuck on Jakku b/c she's afraid of being truly on her own and would rather deal with Plutt's abuse than leave in case her mother actually comes back. this is one of my more inventive stories, introducing a new villain as well as Rey's mother. both of these characters represent halves of my own trauma and how i dealt with it, and their journeys in the story somewhat mirror my own non-linear path towards healing. there's a trigger warning for alcohol abuse but that's pretty much it. i've poured a lot of myself into this fic and would just like if others can read it and see what they think”

Serendipity by Ceallaigh

Summary: When she had decided to start shepherding the Adept, Rey had made a vow to herself to help them all—even those imprisoned by their own internal darkness. Camouflaged with the cuff, Kylo would never know that Hux’s war dog was closing in on him until it was too late. That was one death she didn’t want weighing down on her conscience. She’d had the opportunity twice to kill him, but she was still convinced his life was not hers to take. The Force still had a plan for Ben Solo, that she was certain, and securing his safety was just as important and making sure the little girl she sought made it off world and survived as well.

“I’m a sucker for the Ben Solo I’m exile genre, and this is a riff on self-imposes exile/on the run. This inenof the first fic I have completed where he truly is starting to see himself more as Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren. It was a prompt fic, and I adored the prompts! Saw it as a chance to work with a new character and to do some world building!”

#reylo #reylo fanfiction anthology #valentine's day love fest #rffa writers #mod post #photo edit #love fest list

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myaekingheart · 5 years

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1, 2, and 12!!

Bless you, Jessie 🙌💕

Alright so since I reblogged like 20 ask memes, I’m just gonna go ahead and take the liberty of doing all of these numbers for every single one I’ve reblogged that’s applicable to give myself extra stuff to do xD

Fanfiction Asks!

1. Do you read fic? Do you write fic?

I actually write fic WAY MORE than I read fic. I find that the issue I have when reading fic is that I get really giddy and inspired and then I lose my concentration on the story in front of me and my interests rather shift more towards the story in my own damn head. I really need to start reading more of other people’s work, though. I have a handful saved on AO3 that I just have not gotten around to, but I really should. I really have so many damn things I want to read, fanfiction and otherwise, but lack the motivation to sit down and actually read it.

2. Favorite genre of fic?

I feel like it’s kind of hard to pinpoint exactly what kind of fic I’m drawn most towards, but I guess the best descriptor would be drama? I don’t know, I just really like stories that focus heavily on character development and interpersonal relationships (so bildungsroman lmfao), especially when there’s some imperfect romance and action/adventure involved. Both of my main fanfics, my Narnia series Temptation and The Scarecrow and the Bell, my Naruto fic, both are pretty much just that: heavy focus on character with imperfect romance and action/adventure. I just think it’s fun seeing characters, especially ones that have feelings for each other, in stressful and dangerous situations trying to work through them together and oftentimes disagree and have to figure out how to handle the disagreements, too. Or have personal stuff they’re dealing with on top of things. I don’t know, I just really love focusing on relationship dynamics and situations like that are a fun lens to look through.

12. What turns you away the most from a fic?

Honestly, grammatical issues and whether or not the story feels believable. I guess I’m kind of picky when it comes to that stuff, but I’m also used to being critical of writing solely because I’m a creative writing major and a big part of this degree’s curriculum is workshopping peer writing. Grammatical issues in terms of a misplaced comma or something aren’t that big a deal, I’m not that stingy, but things like lacking paragraph breaks, or not knowing when to switch paragraphs, bug me as well as habitual misspellings of common words--the one that peeves me off the most is spelling “definitely” like “defiantly” or “definately” or any other misspelling under the sun. The idea of a story feeling believable might just be me being really picky but I’ve opened up fics sometimes where I could hardly get through the first paragraph because the story didn’t feel genuine to me. It’s kind of hard to explain, but I guess as someone who puts a ton of research into my own fanfics and also really tries to perfectly capture the tone of the source material, sometimes I’ll read stuff that just feels out of place and it really takes me out of the story and honestly makes me cringe. I feel like saying all of that makes me sound like some kind of asshole, though. I don’t know, I’m just so goddamn picky when it comes to what I’m reading and especially with fanfiction, since it’s a lot more organic and it doesn’t go through the same fine toothed editing process that professionally published works do (although I’ve picked up on some questionable stuff even in print books; one such thing was so minor, but it was a forgotten period at the end of a sentence and I kept laughing about it saying to myself “Someone missed a period!” You know, like an asshole.)

Music Asks

1. your favorite album opener

Beartooth’s Greatness or Death off their most recent album, Disease. It just really sets the tone for the rest of the album and feels like such an appropriate intro overall. They have a playlist for the entire album on Youtube with the correct track listing so that was the first song off thei newest album that I had heard and it just felt like such a great and appropriate intro, it really got me into the vibe and energy of the rest of the album and I just...I love it a lot. The song, the album, the band in general.

2. a song starting w/ the same first letter of your first name

Aurora Avenue by Defeat the Low. I’m a huge Nirvana fan, and the song is all about Kurt Cobain. The entire first verse was literally pulled straight from his infamous suicide note (”Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee.”) I stumbled upon this song by pure chance-- it was playing at the end of a video for a different song, which I think was actually a Beartooth one-- and it sounded interesting so I pulled it up and the minute I heard the first verse, I, who had read Kurt’s suicide note already, was like “WAIT A SECOND THIS SOUNDS REALLY FAMILIAR” but it didn’t hit me that that was what it was, and that the entire song was about Kurt, until later and it made me love it even more.

12. a song you can scream all the words to

Hospital for Souls by Bring Me The Horizon. It’s an all-time fave, made even more so by the fact that it’s one of my top ship songs (for my Naruto ship, Kakashi Hatake x my OC Rei Natsuki, who I write the fanfic about, and even made an AMV for them with because I’M CRAZY). It also just hits really hard personally, especially the line “Have you ever put a blade to your wrists, or have you been skipping meals?” because it relates to my own mental health struggles. I’ve never had the right opportunity to actually scream all the words aloud along with the song, but I desperately need to find the right place to do it one of these days because I have a lot of feelings I need to get out that can only be done through that exact act and I need to do it in a way where I will not end up getting the cops called on me for being way too loud. I just need a soundproof room in general (not just for these purposes, but also because I’m a voice actress for an independent animated series called Space Hotel and I need someplace to record shit anyways.)

Soft and Ethereal Asks

1.secret garden or forest?

Secret garden! I love the idea of having someplace only I know guarded off by a wall with vines running up the side of it, the kind of place you enter through a wrought-iron gate, where flowers are growing through the cracks and there’s a bubbling fountain in the center you can sit by either on the edge or in the grass or on a dirty old cement bench from times before I was even a thought in my parent’s head, and just revel in the silence with a good book or a pencil and sketchbook and make flower crowns and daisy chains or have a little personal picnic laying out a checkered blanket and carrying everything in a big basket like strawberries and little sandwiches and homemade cookies and shit. I’m such a sap but I live for the idea of that gentle, pastel-tinted quiet afternoon. Pure solace.

2.the stars or the moon?

The moon. I love stars to death, too, but there’s something about the moon that really hits me. Maybe it’s because it goes through phases but no matter what is still whole even when it appears not to be. Maybe it’s because it’s kind of comforting to look at. More than anything, though, it’s probably at least partially because one of my favorite films is Rise of the Guardians (and by extension, the book series it was based upon, The Guardians of Childhood) in which the moon is a major character, or at least The Man in the Moon. In the movie, he’s never seen or heard but he’s always there watching over the world. Jack Frost, the protagonist, doesn’t understand his purpose in this eternal life of his where no one can see him and no one believes in him, and constantly looks to the moon for answers but never hears any. The very first lines of the movie are even “Darkness. That’s the first thing I remember. It was dark and it was cold and I was scared. But then...then I saw the moon. It was so big and so bright. It seemed to chase the darkness away.” Not to get super religious here but in a way the whole moon thing even reminds me of Christianity a little bit, and I’m not really religious in the slightest (maybe spiritual, but not very religious) but this movie also came to me at a time when I was very at odds with the idea of God and faith and everything, and I felt like Jack Frost constantly questioning what the point of it all was and questioning whether something greater even existed and if so, then how could they let terrible things like this happen? Without any solid answer? I don’t know, I don’t want this to get into a debate about my own religious beliefs, but yeah. The moon and I have some history, so I’ll choose the moon over the stars.

12.fiction or short stories?

Fiction. By nature of my degree, I have to read a lot of short stories for college and some of them are really enjoyable and interesting but then we get to the debate of genre fiction versus literary fiction, which I think is a stupid fucking debate and literary fiction needs to get off it’s damn high horse with it’s “holier than thou” complex or whatever. Or maybe it’s not the literary fiction itself so much as the people who praise it. Like yes, I get that literary fiction is contemporary fine art and nuanced and shit but sometimes I like stories about vampires and ninjas and teenagers with weird names and social anxiety. Literary fiction is fine and all, but let’s face it, genre fiction is way more fucking fun and that is why I chose “fiction” over “short stories.”

65 Questions You Aren’t Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

If I’m going to be brutally honest, sometimes. Hell, sometimes I even question my own existence but I guess that’s just the depersonalization aspect of anxiety talking.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

With 1 being the lowest and 5 being the highest, I’d say I’m at about a 3? I’m not as afraid of the dark as I used to be, but it’s situational. If I’m alone and it’s dark, then I get panicky because my awareness is impaired and I’m admittedly a very visual person so if I can’t see and I suspect there’s something going bump in the night, I’m going to freak out. Even hearing something, even when logically I know exactly what it is, freaks me out because I can’t know for sure unless I’m looking straight at it but if it’s dark, I can’t do that. I prefer to sleep when it’s like fully dark, though. I even used to wear a sleep mask to help with that and because the feeling of something soft over my eyes was comforting??? I don’t know, like I can sleep perfectly fine with the lights on, too, and sometimes if my anxiety is bad that’s what I’d prefer to make things easier on myself but for the most part, I guess it’s situational. I also feel like this is an appropriate place to say I have a duck nightlight in my bathroom, which doesn’t really have anything to do with being afraid of the dark so much as darkness in general but I also have a thing for rubber ducks so having a rubber duck nightlight is very on brand and I love it.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Probably my boyfriend. He’s the one whose always here anyways. If not him, then from my mother but I don’t particularly want to think about her right now because I’m kind of upset with her so we’re just going to go ahead and say my boyfriend.

Sensory Asks

[sight]

1. favourite colour(s)?

Red is my top fave, and has been since I was three. I think it was when I got a red VW Beetle for my Barbie dolls that I really fell in love with the color. All the accessories that came with it were red plastic and looking at them just filled with me a lot of energy and joy, which I later realized I felt whenever looking at red in general. It also helps that I can now make the joke whenever I’m asked this question that I love red “like the blood of my enemies,” which is always fun.

2. least favourite colour(s)?

I’m really not a fan of yellow, chartreuse, and tan/beige. I can handle yellow in certain instances like with sunflowers or lemons or sunshine related stuff, but I prefer gold over straight up yellow. I don’t dislike yellow nearly as much as tan/beige, though. That one I can also handle in certain instances but for the most part, it reminds me of a time I got sick as a kid so looking at it for too long brings back that nausea. Chartreuse is the end-all, be-all of the colors I’m not big on, though. It just...reminds me of snot. It feels really unappealing to look at for me, too.

[smell]

12. favourite scent?

Clean laundry, hands down. I love nothing more than the smell of fresh laundry, like sometimes I’ll catch myself literally sitting at my laptop sniffing my shirt because I love the smell so much. It’s just so comforting, and I think that’s because it reminds me of this doll I’ve had literally since birth. I called her Baby Doll and she was just a basic baby doll with a plastic head and cloth body that my grandmother got from Avon and I was so damn attached to it as a kid. I brought Baby Doll everywhere with me, even in my backpack on my first day of preschool. I slept with her for way longer than I’d like to admit, too. But she smelled like fabric softener, and when I was a little kid and was having bad anxiety attacks (which I’ve been dealing with since I was three), I would hug her really close and the smell was just really comforting. So now I have to get it from my own laundry because I still own Baby Doll, but I’m a grown-ass adult and she’s very fragile now (and also currently in storage for safe-keeping). So yeah, clean laundry hands-down.

Fashions Asks

1. What season has your favorite looks?

Fall! I’m such a sucker for big cozy sweaters and jeans. Back to school fashion lowkey excites me, too, and besides: I feel like it’s a lot easier to find appropriate outfits for my personal fashion sense that fit cooler weather than the seventh circle of hell 106-degree-heat-index I’m currently living in. I adore oversized sweaters, leggings, skinny jeans, combat boots, creepers, hoodies, layers, all that good stuff but you can’t do that when you feel like you’re dying of heat stroke even standing in front of the fridge butt naked. Not that I do that, but it’s hot enough here that I could if I wanted to. That’s not an issue in fall, though, which is super fucking nice. I just really love being cozy all the time always.

2. Formal or casual?

Casual! As much as I love the look of formal clothes, I am chronically ill. I am anxious. I am depressed. I want to be comfortable all the damn time, and I just can’t be genuinely comfortable in formal clothes. For example, I attended my cousin’s wedding last spring and wore these really cute Mary Jane heels that I love. They fit my aesthetic and make my legs look great, too, if I say so myself. I was able to get through the ceremony with them on but after the fact, they started getting so damn uncomfortable that I went to the car and changed into my ratty five year old combat boots like a total punk because comfort. At least they still looked good with the dress I was wearing, though, so that’s a plus.

12. What fashions do you hate?

Okay, I feel like a lot of people might get on my case about this but I really can’t stand Birkenstocks. They just...look like what your overbearing uncle would wear with socks to the summer barbecue to me. I don’t know, in certain cases they’re at least fitting for a certain look and I commend the people who can pull them off but as for me? I just can’t wrap my head around them. I dislike them even more than Crocs, which I am also not a fan of. But then again, like...I’m also not big on today’s fashion trends in general. There are some things I do like, like oversized t-shirts with leggings especially if they’re a band t-shirt, and those cute Japanese uniform style pleated skirts (I admittedly own one and I love it). The whole ethereal quirky pastel modern grunge e-girl shit, though, just doesn’t vibe much with me. My fashion sense is more on par with Luanna Perez’s alternative looks and the 2007-2012 era of the emo/scene style, as well as some pastel goth, genuine 90′s grunge, and kawaii/lolita inspired stuff. Like I will gladly tease the hell out of my hair, add in extensions and coontails and a little pink bow, and throw on a pink polka dot dress with fishnets and creepers or something. I don’t know, I just feel really disconnected from what’s considered trendy in today’s fashion sense. Maybe it’s because I tried so hard for so many years to fit what was in style despite it not feeling genuine to who I was personally, that now that I’ve finally mustered enough confidence to leave the house wearing what makes me happy even if it is unorthodox and alternative (like black lipstick!!!), I just can’t get on board with what everyone else is doing. Sure, I feel a little weird dressing like it’s ten years ago when everyone else is walking around wearing like those dinky crop tops that say “I have no tits” or have like applique roses on them or whatever and anything else that’s considered modern on-trend but like...in the wise words of Kurt Cobain, “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.” I’m tired of trying to fit the status quo and doing what everyone else is doing. If I want coontails and snake bites in 2019, then goddammit I’m gonna go for it (though not gonna lie, the 20NINESCENE craze has me crying because I regret not having “the phase” in middle school that everyone else did so much sometimes that it’s physically painful so to think that there are still people out there rocking the thick side fringe and heavy eyeliner and the RAWR MEANS I LOVE YOU IN DINOSAUR shit makes me feel like maybe I’ve been given a second chance to be true to myself and become a part of a community that means something to me, rather than what I was actually doing in middle school being dragged through the mud trying to redeem myself of some sense of popularity because I was losing my best friend to the alpha female clique mentality and I was so damn unhappy, I legit had a breakdown in her pool about it once so you bet your ass I’m going to say screw it and do everything I wanted to back then now that I actually have the confidence and stopped caring what people thought about me.)

#this got so long i am so fucking sorry xD #answered asks #ask memes #lasaraleen

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wistfulcynic · 6 years

Text

The Final Chapter, Raised With the Fume of Sighs

Summary: Killian Jones is madly in love with the woman across the hall, but Emma Swan wants nothing to do with him and his playboy ways. Until one stormy night when she dares to let him in and nothing is ever the same again.

Graphic Art by @rouhn

Available On: AO3

Rated: M for sexytimes

Catch Up: Ch1 Ch2 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5 Ch6 Ch7 Ch8 Ch9 Ch10

A/N: So here it is, the final instalment of my first multi-chapter fic! I have always wanted to try my hand at writing the sort of thing I personally like to read, and it's been great fun not only to do that but also to discover that what I like to read is what so many of you like to read as well. Thank you again to everyone who has read, commented, kudos-ed, liked, and reblogged, I am honoured and inspired by it all, and already looking forward to getting stuck in to the next story.

@wellhellotragic @teamhook @rouhn @kmomof4 @resident-of-storybrooke

Chapter 11:

~3 1/2 years ago…

Killian stumbled into his new apartment and flopped on the sofa with a groan, flinging his arm across his face. He felt hideous, hung over in body and soul. The past few weeks had been nightmarish, a blur of bars and women and bad decisions that were meant to distract him but never truly did. No amount of rum or sex could fix the ruin of his life but he had no other tools at his disposal, no real idea of how to dispel his pain and guilt at Liam’s death and his shame at the end of his naval career.

There was one small bright spot, he reminded himself. Despite the ignominious way he’d departed from Oxford, Killian found that after the better part of a decade away he was not opposed to easing back into academia. At least it would give him something to do besides drink and fuck. He’d been lucky to find the opening for an adjunct professor at Columbia, lucky that they were willing to sponsor a visa for him, give him the chance to start fresh somewhere new, somewhere he could earn his place. It was a real opportunity, one he desperately wanted not to fuck up. Which meant he had to pull himself together, Killian thought, his first class was tomorrow and he needed to be prepared for it, needed to plan, needed to be focused. He groaned again, cradling his aching head. He needed a cup of tea.

Dragging himself off the sofa, he went to the kitchen and put the kettle on, then pulled open the refrigerator door.

“Fuck.” He’d forgotten to buy milk. “Fuck, fuck, bloody buggering damnation, now what?” He really didn’t want to walk all the way to the shop in his condition, but tea without milk was unthinkable. Perhaps there was a kindly neighbour in the building who might spare a drop, he thought. Unlikely, but he supposed it was worth a try.

Taking a moment to splash cold water on his face and run damp fingers through his hair, and put on some clothes that didn’t smell like alcohol and sadness, he went across the hall and knocked on the door directly opposite his own.

It opened, and Killian’s world tilted sharply on its axis, shifting everything around him, altering the course of his life forever. The woman standing before him was a vision, sunlight shining through her pale gold hair, green eyes wide in the most beautiful face he’d ever seen. She looked like an angel, like a fairy tale princess, like— like someone who could never be within the reach of the likes of him. He stood, stunned, struggling for breath and for sanity, aware he was staring but unable to tear his eyes away.

Say something, gobshite

Desperately, he groped for his charm, the one thing he could always rely on to get him through difficult situations. It came to his aid, as it always did, and he produced a dazzling smile.

“Hello,” he said, “I’m Killian Jones, I just moved in across the hall. I was wondering if I might borrow a drop of milk.”

For the briefest moment their eyes met and something flashed between them, a recognition, like calling to like, a profound sense of home. Then it was gone, so abruptly he thought he’d imagined it, and her expression slammed shut followed quickly by her door.

“No,” she said, punctuating the flat declaration with the click of her lock.

He stood outside her door for what could have been seconds or hours for all the notice he took of the passage of time. After… however long it was, he turned away and headed for the elevator. Suddenly, he felt up to walking to the shop. The air and the exercise might clear his head.

He felt different, he realised, somehow… brighter. The pain and the guilt and the shame were still there, the sense of unworthiness, the general despair. And yet he couldn’t help feeling that in a world where a woman like that could exist and could live across the hall from him there might also be a place for hope. Hope that maybe he could pull through, that he could make things better, be better. Hope that he could discover what had made her slam the door in his face, in his face, for fuck’s sake —he paused for a moment to examine the reflection of it in a shop window; somewhat worse for wear perhaps, but still devilishly handsome. What had she seen in it that no one else did? She was intriguing, and she was bloody gorgeous, and against all probability it seemed she had relit a spark of vitality in him that he thought had died with Liam. For the first time since his brother’s death, Killian found himself feeling that there might be a chance for him yet.

*. *. *.

Present day…

Killian burst into the apartment with such exuberance that the door nearly leapt off its hinges. “Swan!” he called, striding into the living room where Emma was on the sofa reading a textbook, and pulling his laptop out of his bag, “You’ve got to see this!”

He opened the computer and presented it to her with a flourish. On the desktop was the home page of the New York Times.

Green Enterprises Executive Charged With Misappropriation, declared the headline. Neal Cassidy, son-in-law to CEO Peter Green, has been charged with misappropriating company funds, he is being remanded in custody as prosecutors convene a grand jury.

Emma’s jaw dropped, then she snorted. “I knew he was involved in something shady,” she said, “He couldn’t not be, it’s just who he is.”

“Well it looks like seeing you again put the fear of the gods into him, love,” said Killian, not even trying to keep the glee out of his voice. “It seems that he had been doing a decent job of hiding his activities, but the day after the fundraiser his pattern changed and he got sloppy. He was trying to cover his tracks, but the bloody idiot only managed to draw attention to himself. He might as well have stood under a big sign that read ‘Criminal Activity Here.’” He grinned at her in satisfaction. “There’s no way Peter Green will let him get away with thievery, that man values loyalty above all else. Tamara has already initiated divorce proceedings. He’ll be persona non grata in every financial centre in the world, even if he avoids jail, which is unlikely given the power and influence of the people he crossed.” He set the laptop aside and pulled Emma into his arms. “I’d still like to punch his arsehole face, but I have to say, as comeuppances go, this one is pretty bloody satisfactory.”

She remained silent, and he pulled back to look at her. “What are you thinking, love?”

She frowned slightly.“I’m thinking that I should be glad he’s finally got what’s coming to him,” she replied. “But I kinda don’t care. I meant it when I said I’m free from him. If he goes to jail that’ll be justice done, but it’s nothing to me beyond that.”

“You are far too good, my darling,” he said, raising an eyebrow, his grin tinged with malice. “I intend to revel in his downfall.”

She laughed and kissed his cheek, then slipped from his arms, sliding to the end of the sofa. He could tell that she had something to say, and needed space to prepare her words.

“Killian,” she seemed suddenly nervous. “Do you know what today is?”

He did. “Er… Wednesday?” he said teasingly, but she was focused inward and failed to pick up on his tone.

“Yes, but it’s something else too, kind of an anniversary. I mean, not really but just something you might remember, and—”

He decided to stop teasing, and took her hands in his. “One year ago today was the first night we spent together. Of course I remember, love, how could I not? I’ll never forget kissing you for the first time after years of dreaming about it, it was like all my Christmases had come at once. And as for what came after… well, it will forever remain one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life.”

She flushed with pleasure at his words and at her own memories, but her expression remained troubled. “I’m so sorry for running away from you the next morning—”

“Darling, you have nothing to apologise for—”

“No, please, let me say this. I never told you why I ran.”

He opened his mouth, but she shushed him and carried on.

“I know you think it was because my past with Neal made me scared of getting close to people so I just automatically pushed everyone away, and that’s partly true. But if it had only been that I wouldn’t have run, just kicked you out before you’d even gone to sleep, or at least I would have done that if it had been anyone but you. I’d never fallen asleep with a man before except Neal, and when I woke up that morning, for a minute I didn’t remember what had happened, I only knew that I felt warm and content and— and loved, for the first time in my life. I felt like I belonged with you and I wanted to stay there with you forever, and I’d never felt any of those things before, not ever, not even with Neal. What I felt was stronger than anything I’d felt in my life and I barely even knew you, and that’s what scared me. I ran not because you were the same as the other men I’d been with, it was because you were so different. I just… wanted you to know that.”

Killian was stunned. Although he knew now that Emma had never hated him as he’d once believed she did, he’d had no idea that she’d felt such a strong connection to him so early on, that the irresistible pull he’d always felt towards her had never been one-sided. He suddenly remembered their first meeting, the brief eye contact, the overwhelming sense of having found the missing piece of himself, quickly dispelled in the face of her blunt rejection.

“Love,” he said slowly, “Do you remember when we first met, there was, well for me anyway there was a moment…”

She nodded, looking slightly ashamed. “I remember,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “You felt like home. You always have. That’s what scared me most of all.”

Killian reached into his jeans pocket and withdrew a small, blue velvet box, caressing it gently with his thumb. It was old, the nap of the velvet worn thin on the edges. Inside it lay his most prized possession.

“Emma,” he began, holding the box up where she could see it, not missing her slight intake of breath. “This was my mother’s. It’s the only thing I have left of her, the one thing Liam was able to save. My father sold all her other valuables, but this Liam took and hid from him, knowing what a treasure it was. My mother was given it by her grandmother who had also inherited it from her grandmother, going back I don’t even know how far. When Liam died and it came into my possession, I could never have imagined letting go of it, of the one thing that ties me to the mother I can barely remember. I do remember it on her finger, though, and I— I would like nothing more than to see it on yours.” He slid off the sofa and knelt before her, and opened the box. Emma gasped. “I know it’s not a traditional ring but we’re not exactly traditional people, and we’ve certainly not had a traditional courtship. This ring is a symbol of love and family to me, and I love you more than I am able to express, and I want you to be my family. You saved me from the darkness I was mired in when we met, pulled me into the light and into a life so marvellous I could never have envisioned it. I want to be with you every day until I draw my last breath and depart this Earth forever. And so, Emma Swan, will you marry me?”

He looked up at her face. Tears glistened in her eyes, dropping onto her cheeks as she tried to blink them away. She began to nod, swallowing hard, trying to force words through the constriction in her throat. “Yes!” she croaked, “Yes, Killian, yes, yes, yes!” Taking his face between her hands, she slid off the couch to kneel as he was kneeling, and began to kiss him, holding him tightly to her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back until they were both breathless and laughing and he pulled away to take her hand and put the ring on her finger.

“It’s so beautiful,” she breathed.

“Like its new owner,” he replied with a brilliant smile, “It’s a wild pearl, small but flawless, much like you. Our family legend says that it came from somewhere in the South Sea Islands, what is now called Polynesia, brought back to England by an ancestor who had been a ship’s captain, some said a pirate.”

“Hah,” she said, “I always knew you had some pirate in you.”

He chuckled. “The stones at the side are Bohemian garnets, added when the pearl was laid in this setting, probably sometime in the late nineteenth century. The ring itself is Welsh gold.”

“Killian, I— I’ll treasure it. I love you so much. I—” Overwhelmed, she kissed him again, wrapping her arms around his neck and toppling him backwards onto the carpet. When she broke the kiss he looked at her quizzically.

“I love this carpet,” she said, stroking it. “I have since I first saw it, when I went to your place to stop you from leaving, to tell you I loved you. Every time I look at it I think about that day and how I almost lost you, and how I never want to be apart from you again. I want you to make love to me on it now.”

He growled approvingly deep in his throat and kissed her deeply as he rolled her over onto her back, slipping his leg between hers and running his hand up her side, under her shirt, snapping open her bra and cupping her breast in his hand, rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger until she moaned into his mouth. As he teased her breast she managed to unbutton his shirt and push it insistently off his shoulders. “Get this off,” she demanded, breaking the kiss and giving his shoulders a shove. Reluctantly he released her breast to sit up and pull off the shirt as she turned her attention to his jeans, undoing them in record time and reaching inside to grasp his cock. Now it was his turn to moan, looking down to see her hand adorned with his mother’s ring wrapped around him, stroking his heated flesh. He wondered if it was wrong that he found that insanely erotic. Nudging her off him briefly so he could divest her of her shirt and bra, he leaned down and latched his mouth onto her nipple, nipping it and bathing it with his tongue as she took him in hand again and he slid his own hand between her legs, blessing the stretchy leggings she wore. He stroked her clit with his thumb and slipped two fingers inside her, and her hand on his cock faltered under the onslaught of sensation from his touch. She revelled in it for a moment, riding his hand with small thrusts of her hips, then she pushed him away. “I want to come on your cock,” she panted, and yanked his jeans down over his hips then shimmied out of her leggings as he kicked the jeans away. She pulled him down to her, spreading her thighs wide as he positioned himself between them.

“Don’t be gentle,” she commanded, “If I don’t have rug burns on my ass when we’re done, I’ll want to know why.”

“It’ll be because this rug is made of silk,” he purred in her ear. Her laugh ended on a moan as he thrust inside her, heeding her proscription on gentleness, pounding himself into her as he lifted one of her legs under the knee and draped it over his shoulder, angling his hips to hit her in just the right spot.

“Oh, that’s perfect,” she gasped, lying back and letting him fuck her for several long minutes, her hands flexing in the nap of the carpet before she ran them up her own body and took her breasts in a firm grip, pinching and rolling her nipples as he loved to do. He groaned at the sight of her touching herself, and her eyes flew to his. The combination of intense love and almost feral lust in his expression sent her flying over the edge and she came hard. He fucked her through it, letting her little gasping moans and the feel of her quivering around him drive his pleasure higher. Just as he was about to come she shoved him off her and onto his back. He snarled, and she laughed. “Patience,” she purred, straddling and sinking down onto him in one smooth move. She took his hands in hers, lacing their fingers together above his head, leaning down to give his mouth access to her breasts as she began to ride him. He took her nipple into his mouth again, more roughly this time, sucking it hard between his teeth and dragging his tongue across the compressed tip. Soon she was breathing in short, desperate gasps and she came again within minutes, letting go of his hands and collapsing against his chest. He grabbed her hips and lifted them, slamming them down to meet his as he thrust up into her, again and again, desperate beyond control, until he exploded into an orgasm so strong it was almost painful.

They lay silent and entwined until their breathing steadied and the sweat dried from their bodies. “Gods, that was magnificent,” said Emma, finally, rolling off him and snuggling against his side, her head on his chest. “We’re sweating all over your silk rug,” she remarked.

“I don’t care,” he murmured, still coming down from his high, too blissful to give much of a damn about such details.

She traced random patterns in his chest hair with her fingertips. “Do you think we’ll still have sex like this once we’re married?” she asked, and he felt a stupid grin split his face at her casual use of the m-word. “You don’t think we’ll ever end up just doing lights-out missionary three times a year, do you?”

Killian had a sudden vision of himself and Emma, wrinkled and grey, making each other scream in ecstasy on the floor of a living room he didn’t recognise, in a house they had yet to buy. “No,” he said decidedly. “I do not believe that fate will ever befall us.”

He could feel her hair brush across his chin as she nodded and her cheek flex against his chest as she smiled. “Good,” she said.

*. *. *.

~3 1/2 years later…

The wind whipped around Killian, ruffling through his hair and tossing up the collar of his shirt as he manoeuvred his boat out of the mouth of the Hudson and pointed her towards the open sea. It had taken far longer than he’d anticipated to get her ready for this voyage. A year or so’s hard work, he’d once figured, and she’d be set to go. That had been nearly four years ago, since which time life had consistently got in the way of his plans for repair and restoration of his beloved vessel. Yet Killian had no regrets, for the life that had thrown a wrench in his plans was far too good for him to wish it to be in any way different.

The bright sound of laughter reached his ears and he turned to see Emma standing at the boat’s railing, the tiny blonde source of the gleeful noise perched on her hip. His heart swelled at the sight of them, as it always did. His wife and daughter, the two great loves of his life, his cherished Emma and his darling Hope, who was the symbol of her namesake for him in every imaginable way. Even after three years of marriage, even after Hope’s first birthday celebrated just the week before, Killian sometimes struggled to comprehend that the life he was living was truly his. A tenured professor, a husband, a father, what had he done to deserve to call himself any of those things, a dark voice at the back of his mind still sometimes needled him. Impostor syndrome, Emma called it.

She had completed her MSW with flying colours and had been working full time at the women’s shelter for over two years. Like him, she still sometimes had doubts about her worthiness for such a role, had days when she felt useless and like nothing she did made a difference, but those days were growing increasingly rare. Emma had really come into her own over the past few years, her confidence in herself and her abilities growing by leaps and bounds as she let go of all the insecurities that had held her back in the past. Killian was absurdly proud of her.

He needed to follow her example, he thought, to forgive himself for the mistakes of his past and accept that he had earned his life, that he was a far better man than he’d been seven years ago, that Emma and Hope loved him and he made them happy. He was working on it.

He smiled as Emma came over to him, still laughing with Hope. The little girl held out her arms, the blue eyes she’d inherited from him sparkling merrily. “Daddy,” she said. He took her from her mother, balancing her on his hip with one arm while with the other he continued to steer. “Well, darling,” he said, nuzzling his nose into her blonde curls and breathing in her sweet baby smell, “What do you make of the boat? I hope you like her, as she bears your name.”

Emma humphed. “I still think we should have called her the Jolly Roger.”

“Swan—”

“In honour of your pirate heritage, Killian!”

“My very likely apocryphal pirate heritage!”

“Still.”

He shook his head in largely feigned exasperation and she grinned, stepping in close and wrapping her arms around her husband and daughter, stroking Hope’s hair and resting her chin on Killian’s shoulder. He turned his head to press a kiss on her cheek.

And so the Swan-Jones family set out together for an adventure at sea, aboard the Lady Hope.

-------

Sorry not sorry to anyone who thinks engagement rings should be diamond solitaires; I personally dislike diamonds and also think that sentimental softie Killian would want to give Emma something more meaningful.

#cs #cs-ff #cs ff au #raised with the fume of sighs

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henry-hart · 6 years

Text

“Kid Lightning” - a Charlotte Bolton One-Shot Series: Prologue - "The Pilot"

Okay, so @s4karuna messaged me one day a few weeks ago about a thread of Chenry headcanons, and we eventually got into talking about a possible fic idea for Charlotte. So many possibilities were born from then on. This is all her idea, by the way. Give her 100% of the credit. She came to me with such a brilliant concept, and I merely helped her expand on the whole thing. I ended up volunteering (because it’s just too good an opportunity to pass up) to turn her ideas into a series of one-shots, each piece dedicated to one of the tales she told me. The underlying theme stems from this one what if: what if Charlotte never told Henry that she knew his secret? Awesome, right? I know. @s4karuna is incredible, as are all her ideas. This first piece will be a bit of an introduction before it all gets rolling and the whole “Kid Lightning” bit gets explained. I’m excited to show you guys all that we have planned!

***Something to know before we start: This one-shot (and the rest that will follow) follow the sequence of events in "The Secret Gets Out"--i.e. Char still gets suspicious and pieces together that Henry is Kid Danger. The details are still the same, BUT she doesn’t confront him.

Dedicated to: First and foremost @s4karuna because well duh. Then we have my usual tag gang :) @sunbeameyes @ramune-ray @kiwikwami @youngbloodthekilljoy @up-the-tube @sleepylilsnowflake @shonashee @writing-excuses @coldasalaska @chewbaccaagainstthoughts @lesbian-so-what @an-anxious-gay-mess @periwinklechild @alissamikealson @jyrus-kelevra @x-cookies-art-x @knowwheretolook @thehotbrothburglar @ishouldbsleeping @can-you-believe-it and @food-o-matic and @jumpin-jaspers you’re joining the gang.

Fandom: Henry Danger

Summary: Charlotte discovers Henry’s big secret, but she doesn’t tell him that she knows. She keeps it to herself, deciding to use her knew knowledge of his identity to help her masked friend from the sidelines instead. But once she gets a small taste of the crime-fighting life, a spark is ignited inside of her, giving birth to a desire to be a protector of Swellview as well. ;)

A/N: Like I said, this is an intro piece. This is just the whole “I know your secret” scene edited to fit our narrative. Enjoy!!!!! xoxoxoxo (I’m actually shaking from excitement because I really want you guys to read this girl’s ideas!!! aksjlksj)

Charlotte burst through her front door, running past her parents who were waiting in the kitchen for her.

"No time to talk!" She announced, stopping them before they could even get a word out.

She knew they were looking for an explanation as to why Charlotte was only just getting home so late at night, but she didn't have the time. She had to get to her room, somewhere she could be alone, and get everything she'd just pieced together in her mind out before she lost it.

She made it to her room, accidentally slamming the door behind her in her haste. She dropped down into her desk chair, throwing her book bag on the table in front of her. She retrieved her notebook from her bag, her right leg bouncing up and down rapidly all the while.

She placed the notebook in front of her and flipped to the most recent page as quickly as she could, ripping a few pages in the process. In this notebook she recorded all of the observational notes she'd been taking on her best friend ever since he'd been hired at Junk 'n Stuff. She stopped on the most recent pages, scanning through what she had written.

Won't tell us what his job is. Has been really jumpy lately--more than usual. Is always making lame excuses before disappearing. Weird beeping watch???

She skipped ahead to the notes she'd made today.

Got really defensive when Jasper dissed Kid Danger.

Then came the most important notes she'd made, the ones she'd written on the way home from Henry's house...

...Charlotte had forgotten one of her textbooks in Henry's room when she had been at his house studying, and she needed it to finish her homework for school the next day, so she decided to go back to his house to get it, despite how late it already was. The textbook was important, but it was more a front to mask her true intentions. She had another, more pressing reason to be at Henry's house--a reason that made the time seem to be of no consequence.

She'd called Junk ‘n Stuff earlier that day to talk to Henry, but no one had answered. She could've just shrugged it off, chalking it up to any number of things (they were busy, no one was near the phone, the phones weren't working, etc.), but she didn't. Too many things about that store and Henry didn't add up. She couldn't let herself believe that it was nothing.

So, Charlotte decided to confront Henry about it. She would be tactical. She'd make like she came for her book, all the while scoping Henry's behavior out, possibly tripping him into admitting something.

She made her way to Henry's house and up to his room with fierce determination in her step. She was buzzing with anticipation. She might finally get to the bottom of whatever had been going on with Henry.

She knocked on his bedroom door a little harder than she meant to.

It took him awhile to answer.

“What are you doing here?" Henry asked, out of breath, looking nothing like a boy who had just gotten out of bed. He wasn’t even wearing pajamas.

He pulled his lips into a tight line and drummed his fingers against the door frame while he waited for Charlotte to answer.

Charlotte knew immediately that something was up, but there seemed to be a lot of “somethings” up with Henry lately. She decided to wait to see how this was going to play out before she showed her cards.

"I came back for my math book. I forgot it, and I need it for tomorrow." She explained, watching Henry carefully through narrowed eyes.

He visibly relaxed. "Oh, yeah, right. Your book." He stepped away from the door, and Charlotte walked into his room.

Henry found her book immediately, and walked back to hand it to her. His posture was softer, more relaxed, and he was almost smiling. Obviously Charlotte's forgotten book proclamation had put him at ease.

Two things happened then, unbeknownst to Henry, that solidified Charlotte's working theory.

A gust of night wind blew in through Henry's open window--the fact that it was open and Henry's shoes were right beneath didn't go unnoticed by Charlotte--and washed over the two of them. Henry blocked the majority of the breeze from reaching Charlotte, and in consequence, a sweet smell wafted off of him.

Henry didn't exactly stink, but he most definitely didn't go around smelling like...syrup?

A news report she’d watched earlier that day flashed through Charlotte's mind: Captain Man and Kid Danger stopped a robbery at a syrup factory.

Her hand froze before she could grab her book. Her eyes widened as it all fell together in her mind, revealing to her the answer to all the questions she'd been relentlessly mulling over--all of them to do with Henry.

This was nothing like what she’d been expecting. She thought maybe he was in some secret club that he was too embarrassed to tell anyone about or something, but this?

Henry noticed that Charlotte looked a little spooked. "Hey, you okay?" He asked, not as tense now that he was sure she hadn't come here to confront him or anything. His secret was safe.

Henry's voice snapped Charlotte back to reality. She took her book from him, slowly backing away.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She muttered. She kept walking until she made it to the door. "I gotta go." She blurted and turned to bolt for the stairs, anxious to get away from Henry and somewhere she could reflect on everything she'd just figured out.

"Char, wait--" Henry tried to call after her, but she was already gone...

...Charlotte, now out of her flashback and back in the present, read the note she scribbled in her mad haste to make it back home. She had been writing too fast for her handwriting to be neat, but the messy scrawl read:

I called the store; no one answered. Went to his house. He was tense. Like there was something he was scared I'd find out. The window was open. His shoes were under it. He had just come in through his window.

Then came the most important note she had. This was the one that had been proof enough for her.

Captain Man and Kid Danger stopped a robbery at a syrup factory. Henry smelled like SYRUP (this was in all caps and underlined--her first definitive clue).

Her hand was shaking as she went to make her last note. Her writing was even worse than before now that she couldn’t keep her pen steady. She wrote:

Henry is Kid Danger.

It made so much sense. How could she have not seen it before? The same blonde hair. The same goofy grin. It was all Henry--not to mention the fact that every time he disappeared a news report about Captain Man and Kid Danger would air just as he made it back.

Charlotte leaned back away from her desk and her notebook. She stared at that last sentence.

Seeing it there, written, out of her mind and on paper, was almost surreal.

For weeks Charlotte had this whole thing sitting heavily in the back of her mind. She knew there was something Henry wasn't telling her or Jasper, and she didn't like not knowing. She was practical, logical. If there was a problem, she found the solution. If there was a question, she found the answer. But this wasn't a mathematical problem nor was it a scientific question. This was Henry and some secret he was keeping. She couldn't just input some numbers or run some tests and have it all solved, and not being able to figure it out was driving her mad. It was keeping her up at night, keeping her from focusing, from eating. She felt like she was the one harboring some huge secret.

Initially, she'd been almost mad at Henry. She was one of his best friends. What could he not tell her? What could be worth making her feel this way? They told each other everything. What could make that change now?

Charlotte, ever the problem-solver, had taken matters into her own hands. She paid extra attention to Henry. She watched him closely, mentally logging anything odd or unusual or secretive that he did, and it had paid off. She now knew what Henry was so adamant to keep from her and Jasper.

And now that she new, she understood all the secrecy.

This wasn't like the time Henry had accidentally broken her telescope when they were kids and didn't tell her for a week. This was so much bigger. Henry was a superhero--well, a superhero's sidekick--who fought to protect Swellview.

No wonder he was always so tired.

He had to be a normal kid by day and a crime-fighter by night. That was a lot to put on anyone, especially a thirteen year old boy. Charlotte was a little hurt that Henry couldn't come to his best friends about any of it, but she knew why. He had a secret identity to think about. He couldn't do what he did--help Captain Man keep the city safe--if everyone knew who he really was.

Charlotte wasn't going to confront Henry about what she knew. She wouldn't do that to him. She'd let him believe that she was oblivious to his secret. She'd protect her best friend.

But she wished there was something she could do to lessen the weight of the burdens he was carrying. Kid Danger went up against criminals. That was dangerous work, even with the help of Captain Man. Now that she knew it was her best friend who faced those criminals, she had a sick feeling in her stomach. What if Henry got hurt?

That was a thought she didn’t want to further consider because she had no answer. If she saw on the news that Kid Danger had been hurt, she would know that it was really Henry, and then she’d feel guilty because she didn’t do anything to help him. But what could she do to help him? She wanted to, but how?

Charlotte sighed heavily and put her things away. She felt a weird sense of finality when she closed her notebook. It was like closing a book after reading it. It was complete. She’d figured it out.

She got dressed for bed silently; there was a lot on her mind. She was so deep in thought that she didn't even notice when her Mom, Viola, had stepped in to say goodnight.

“Sorry, Mom.” Charlotte apologized, managing a small smile for her mother. “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

Her mom quirked her eyebrow knowingly. “I noticed. It’s not every day you come running into the house at eleven o’clock at night.”

Charlotte winced when she looked at her clock and saw just how late it was. She was lucky her mother wasn’t grounding her right this second--unless that was what she had come to do.

“I didn’t realize it was so late, honest. I forgot my textbook at Henry’s house, and I needed it to--”

“Charlie, it’s okay.” Her mom interrupted, holding a hand up to stop her daughter.

Just hearing the nickname her mother always used was enough to calm Charlotte’s overworked mind. She sat down heavily on her bed, massaging her temples.

Normally, Viola would be angry at her daughter for disappearing into the night with no explanation, but looking at how exhausted Charlotte seemed, she couldn’t find it in herself to be anything but worried. It was typical of her daughter to be busy, to always look for a solution or a new way to look at things, something that kept her mind occupied, but this was something else entirely. This went deeper than just a setback on a new invention or a difficult mathematical equation. Whatever Charlotte was working on, it meant a great deal to her, and it was taking a great deal out of her. Viola noticed a crease in her daughter’s brow that didn’t seem to go away, and she didn’t like it.

She sat at the foot of her daughter’s bed. “What’s going on, sweetheart?”

Charlotte looked at her mom for a moment, trying to come up with a way to tell her what she was going through without actually telling her what she was going through.

“Can I ask you something?”

Her mom tilted her head, a confused look on her face. “You can ask me anything.”

Charlotte nodded, letting out a sigh that inflated her cheeks as it went. “What would you do--hypothetically speaking, of course--if you knew something about your friend that they didn’t want you to know and you want to use what you found out to help them, but you also don’t want to let them know that you know and are helping them because of what you know that they don’t want you to know?”

Viola stared expressionless at her daughter for five whole seconds. “What?”

Charlotte groaned in frustration. “I don’t know how else to word it.”

Her mom took a moment to think over what her daughter had told her. “I think I get it.” She said. She eyed Charlotte. “You say this is all hypothetical, right?” She of course didn’t believe that. Charlotte wouldn’t have put so much meaning behind her question if it wasn’t real.

“Right,” Charlotte agreed. “Any advice--for this completely fictitious scenario?”

Viola nodded once very slowly, having to bite back a smile. “Well, in this, as you said, fictitious scenario, this person is my friend?”

“Your best friend,” Charlotte added a little too hastily. She hoped her mother didn’t pick up on it.

Viola did, but she didn’t let on. “Since they’re my best friend, I would respect their wish to keep whatever it is a secret because I respect them. The reason they have for not telling me is surely a good one.” She studied her daughter’s reaction as she spoke, liking how that crease on her forehead seemed to ease up a little. “As for helping them, I would do everything in my power. I’m assuming whatever you know that they don’t want you to know is a lot to handle?” When Charlotte nodded, she continued. “Then I would try to make it easier for them. Maybe they aren’t including you--I mean, me in the whole ordeal because they’re worried about bothering me. That doesn’t mean they should have to shoulder it alone, though. If there’s some way I can make it easier, some way to anonymously help my best friend through a hard time, I’m going to do it, no acknowledgement needed.”

Charlotte let her mother’s words sink in. It was what she was already thinking, but hearing it from her mother helped convince her it was the right thing to do. The power of motherly advice, she supposed.

“Thanks, Mom. That really helped.” Charlotte spoke, feeling like her words were coming a little easier now that she had started to figure things out again. She laid back in her bed, almost sighing in relief when she felt it’s softness on her tired body.

Viola smiled. “My pleasure, sweetie. I’m glad I could help with your hypothetical dilemma.”

Charlotte sucked in her lips, avoiding her mother’s knowing gaze, but Viola didn’t push any further. Charlotte appreciated that her mom respected her enough not to pry. Charlotte would come to her if she needed her, and Viola knew that. She didn’t need to force her daughter into anything.

Viola turned off the lamp on the nightstand and pulled Charlotte’s covers over her, happy that she still had small moments like these to be a mother to her daughter like she had been when Charlotte was younger and the ways of the world couldn’t touch her or her precious mind.

“Goodnight, Charlie.” She whispered.

“Goodnight, Mom.” Charlotte whispered back.

Her mother left quietly, gently closing the door behind her.

Charlotte studied the glow-in-the dark stars she had stuck to her ceiling. She’d arranged them all in the form of already existing constellations. She kept her eyes trained on Orion’s belt, remembering the hunter’s story. She thought it was a nice sentiment to think that death could mean the night sky gained more stars. Of course, she knew it wasn’t real, but it was still interesting to think about.

Think. Even the word made her head hurt.

She was tired. Today had been mentally draining, and she felt physically drained in consequence, but she couldn’t fall asleep.

As much as her mother had helped her come to a decision, she still had a lot of questions.

She was going to help Henry. That much she had settled.

But how could Charlotte help Henry, help Kid Danger, without jeopardizing his secret?

It was a long time before Charlotte’s eyes closed and her mind went to rest.

A/N Part 2: What did you guys think???? Like I said, this is just putting everything into place for the rest of the series! Again, give all the kudos and props and compliments and credit to @s4karuna because this was all her! I can’t wait to hear from all of you!!! :)))))) xoxoxoxoxo

#excited to hear from yall #yayyy #henry hart #charlotte bolton #chenry #henry danger #henry danger fanfic #mine #em writes

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