#and an envious bitter hag

[fonulyn]

seeing everyone casually mention talking headcanons and fic ideas with their friends is so fucking difficult to me bc why can't I have that too?? why don't they wanna talk hcs with me? what's wrong with me and what am i doing wrong? i'm. god. just so fucking lonely. the last time someone chatted with me about random headcanons and i got spurred to write a random fic was years ago. years! people who used to be interested in my wips fall away one by one by one. yet another friend started just ignoring me. and i'm. at this point i'm just a tired husk of a person. idk how to interact anymore bc they'll just leave too. they're just pretending too. they'll end up stabbing me in the back or breaking my heart too. and idk. i'm.

i miss the good old times. i miss being excited to come online.

[dcwnthercbbithcle]

CHARACTER OUTLINE.

Name: Sarah Elizabeth Smithson née White

Alias / Nicknames: Sally, Cecilia, Miss White and later Mrs. Smithson, 

With her career, Sarah gained several professional aliases. Nurse Sarah/Sally/Smithson then Matron Sarah/Sally/Smithson, though no promotion would erase how her coworkers and patients would view her.

No raise in status or power on paper would change how Sarah had carved her career up as a nurse, nor how thoroughly she embraced the tenets of nursing. To her patients and her coworkers, she was Nurse Smithson, and a part of her was glad for it, while another, well... that's another story. 

After entering the Fog, however, Sally gained many monikers from the mouths of the survivors she haunts. Without a name for the horror that hunts them, the survivors would reach into their minds to bring out a term that could begin to embody what they experienced at the hands of Sarah: The Old Hag, The Banshee, The Woman in White, The Karabasan, La Pisadeira, The Mare, The Demon. 

No one title fit entirely, like a jigsaw piece with filed-down edges. She could lay in the space of any title given, applicable in the broadest sense, but never precisely, the labels of haunts from fiction and culture. They would match at a glance but never more and thus shifted between the trials. A melting pot of horror without a name, passed from survivor to survivor, without Sally around to correct them, decry their titles, and refute her name and what exactly she is. In time, however, one nickname did rise from the confusion and find its footing where no other term could: The Nurse.

Rules: Bold what always apples, italics what applies sometimes / in part.

FLAWS. moody | short-tempered | emotionally unstable | whiny | controlling | conceited | possessive | paranoid | liar | impatient | cowardly | bitter | selfish | power-hungry | greedy | lazy | judgmental | forgetful | impulsive | spiteful | stubborn | sadistic | petty | unlucky | absent-minded | abusive | addict | aggressive | childish | callous | clingy | delusional | cocky | competitive | corrupt | cynical | cruel | depressed | deranged | egotistical | envious | insecure | insensitive | lustful | delinquent | guilt complex | reclusive | reckless | nervous | oversensitive

STRENGTHS. honest | trustworthy | thoughtful | caring | brave | patient | selfless | ambitious | tolerant | lucky | intelligent | confident | focused | humble | generous | merciful | observant | wise | clever | charming | cheerful | optimistic | decisive | adaptive | calm | protective | proud | diligent | considerate | compassionate | good sportsmanship | friendly | empathetic | passionate | reliable | resourceful | sensible | sincere | witty | funny

SKILLS & HOBBIES. art | acting | astronomy | animals* | archery | sports | bird watching | blacksmithing | boating* | calligraphy | camping | candle making | gambling?* | ceramics | racing | chess | music* | cooking | crochet | weaving | exercise | swordplay | fishing | gardening | ghost hunting | ice skating | magic | engineering | building | inventing | leather-working | martial arts | meditation | origami | parkour | people watching | swimming | puppetry | pyrotechnics | quilting | reading | collecting* | shopping | socializing | storytelling | writing* | travelling | dancing* | singing

*In life, Sally not only kept but actively bred rabbits! They were multi-purpose animals, some for eating, others for showing off, others still were sold on as pets, and a select few she was genuinely fond of could be considered pets that were off the table for either! It was never an outright business venture, but the experience was overall very positive for her, and she does miss keeping her rabbits and seeing the antics they get up to.

*though more of a past-tense hobby, as a girl, Sally would often take her younger siblings on little boat trips around the harbour of Great Burin and around the coves in one of the family's dories. A very good workout and an equally good way to negate pent-up energy. She left this hobby behind in adulthood, however, and would be more than hesitant to try taking it up again, maybe with a sailing ship, or at least a motorized vessel, but otherwise? No sir.

*Sally LOVED tabletop games and card games back in the day. She was a bit of a shark too; she never cheated but was very competitive and often pretended to be less experienced than she was. You could consider it gambling, but money was never on the table, just pride and a good time!

*Sally had to learn music as a girl. It was one of those expected things that she would do, a mark of class, not for any practical reason but because they could afford to go in on a tutor for her, her siblings and a family friend's children. They sort of just DID to say they did and could. Sally's musical instrument was the organ, both pump and pipe, and she'd often lend her skills to the family's church for services, though largely to make her parents happy and to give her a way to pass the time.

*In life, Sally had a fascination with insects! Though more so moths, butterflies and beetles than anything else, and thus made a hobby of catching, preserving, identifying and collecting them! She just likes her bugs and finds them neat!

Sally was always a bit of a troubled girl, not alarmingly so, but she wasn't a stranger to death and trauma from an early age, no matter how much her parents tried to protect her. Life is cruel, and she knew it, and the knowledge dwelled with her. It was almost like a coin in a dryer, constantly rattling and clanking, never giving her any peace, so, in an attempt to lessen the space it took up in her mind, she transferred her thoughts onto paper. Penning out her musing to give her mind the peace of letting them pass, and this continued on until her death!

*SALLY WAS TAUGHT HOW TO DANCE AND THAT'S WHY HER MOVEMENTS ARE SO STRANGELY FLUID AND PRETTY UNTIL THEY AREN'T AND SHE GOES BACK INTO HER BODY HORROR. ABSOLUTE CANON

tagged by:  @malumxsubest, ilysm!!! Thank you for tagging me for Sally! <3

 tagging: @veleluuu, @songforthedead, @treatedblxde / @hux-a713, @lxdyvenxm / @manufactoredxbyxdesign, @bloodsoakedogre, @ignisregina, @lettherebemonsters, @ozwald-mystery / @tempest-toss (for a muse of your picking!), @dollhidden and anyone else who wants to do this!

[necromanticfemme]

ohhhh i am such an envious little hag. i am so very filled with bitterness.

[femmedesyeuxnoirs]

I have no idea why my aunt has to let everyone she meets know that shes on a diet like we get it you cunt ohhh im not losing weight and i dont know why 😢 well ok bitch what do you want me to do about it? She pries and asks me like i know somehow like she wants to get something out of me. Shes always side eyeing my eating habits and says shit like. Ugh i dont know how people can go all day without eating... While she knows i can hear her. Nasty bitter envious miserable old hag. Rotten personalities like hers are always insecure and only feel better when they bring others down. Whatever im moving out as soon as i can find a mf that will let me be their live in maid. I dont care where i just want to live far far away from these abhorrent people

[bansheeoftheforest]

This is going to be long but it was a quote that made me really think about Jekyll:

Jekyll, sitting in the Ex-theater he owns: I’ve been noticing the poison creeping into my mind lately. Like I know this isn’t very original but I’ve had a tough couple of years. You know I fell in love with my best friend like a gay idiot, got my heart comprehensievely broken and then I made the mistake of taking in a Swiss hag who made it her goal to ruin all my dreams and I’ve just been locked in my own solidatute to spiral into a hell of my own making. I stopped saying yes to life, and started saying yes to the hedonistic catboy who lives in my brain. I catch myself having bitter spinster thoughts; “it’s because I like men, it’s because I’m rotten inside, that’s while I’ll die alone.” Yeah like that’s the reason I’m alone, it’s not because I barely leave my house anymore. You really can use political brain-political theorizing as an excuse not to fix your life. “Society did this to me, it made me hate myself,” like yeah that’s true. But, at a certain point, I think I have to take responsibility for my own mind, and decide to stop being an accomplice in my own annihilation. Since we keep referencing Paradise Lost: “The mind is its own place and in itself it can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” So I ask myself, what kind of mind do I want to be? Do I want to obsess over what I lack, concede society’s judgement of my inferiority, become a self-pitying, self-hating, envious, resentful little nothing? Or do I want to get off the goddamn floor, tell the catboy in my head to shut the fuck up, and say yes to life? The answer of course, is that I long to return to the sweet womb of my dark mother. But we’re not gonna do that, because there’s plenty of time to numb the pain after I die. The sweet embrace of death is the darkest mother of all. But I guess I’m gonna have to do the first thing if I want to salvage whatever happiness I have left in the short time I am alive.

Zosi: (dog noises)

Jekyll: I know laddie, I know I’m a mess.

let me tell you anon, waking up and seeing this on my notifications, and therefore trying to read it 0.0003 seconds after waking up from Deep Slumber was. Certainly an experience. However, still perfectly applies to my hcs and chatposts about the fact that Henry can and will ramble on about his shitty mental health and life to Zosi <3

ALSO CALLing HydE A CATBOY GAVE ME TOO MUCH SEROTONIN SDJHDDHDHDHDH

[doctortwhohiddles]

I don't get it, how this Gator group, all of them old women, can act like 14 y/o jealous teenagers, insulting Sophie just because Benedict is so obviously crazy about her. For the love of God, the man was all over her, kissing her and hands all over her and her cute butt. Those bunch of old hags are just pathetic.

Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe them. Obsessed, butthurt, envious and bitter describes them better. The lengths they'll go to in order to deny reality is amazing. Not only that, but they think their behaviour is totally normal. That's some crazy, scary, delusional stalker shit right there.

[itonje]

like not to be a bitter envious hag which i’m pretty sure is two deadly sins right off the bat but oh it makes me so so miserable that i have to grovel on my knees and fight for a scholarship like a fucking dog while the rich folk have their test prep classes they can drop thousands of dollars on and tests they can drop thousands of dollars on and they can take any class they want because failing doesn’t matter, they can just get back on their feet while if i failed or even got one average below an a minus my entire life has to be uprooted and changed then act like they’re superior to me just because i’m bad at math or whatever it makes me furious 

[thememacat]

IMHO, this BC/SH showmance has been one giant middle-finger flip to Ben’s fandom from the beginning. Her entire attitude since the day she was introduced has been, “Look how great I am, of COURSE he loves me!” as well as “I got him and you didn’t, therefore I am lovable and you are all envious losers and bitter hags.”  That’s what annoys me the most about the first “Mrs. Cumberbatch”. (Oh, yes, there will be another, I’m quite sure of it.)

[lilacflamesss]

TG:re[quest] Union: Reaction

Hey guys, so I suggested it and some of you were pretty supportive of this so yes, here’s my reaction to the Ayahina novel story! @poclee had kindly translated it here so if you guys want to, check that out first! Special thanks to them for translating it! 

Okie leggo. This story is Ayahina/Aogiri heaven. It’s really the only Aogiri story we’ve ever had and I am so pleased with it because we get to see more of Miza, Naki and even a little of Seidou as well. 

I get a little shippy under the cut with my longer reaction but I want to say something really interesting I noticed. The imagery of the aogiri tree is really strong in here and Hinami compares the organization to a literal tree. As a member, she’s in its shade and here, sunlight never reaches. This lightless image continues when she talks about how she’s used to the night now and how the base, even in the day, is really dark. When she’s with Eto, she calls is the deepest part of the tree and normally, the deepest, is usually the darkest.  But there are times when she talks about light and all these have to do with Ayato. The first time in a while since she goes out in the day is to find coffee beans to make them for Ayato. After some time with Ayato, she’s convinced of a light that’s beginning to shine. And it’s an interesting contrast– the woman who brought her in as darkness and the boy who’s asking her to leave as light. Hinami can only return to the light if she leaves the organization. 

Only after she leaves Aogiri and Cochlea she’s ends up underground, but whatever.

I talk more underneath– weee! Let’s go.

WINGS. Hinami hiding under people’s wings– it has to start with a clear Kirishima reference 

Ayato’s so harsh when he says she’s in the way and all but at the same time, he tells her to take care of herself. Clearly his tsundere meters had toned down from the ‘i’d beat the fuck out of you so no one else can’ level in the original TG.

Hinami wants to cover her ears but she doesn’t because that’s the only way she can tell if Ayato is okay. Hinami cares about him so much as well my heart is breaking oh my god. And she’s super bitter that he’s doing her share as well ahhhh. GODDAMMIT I LOVE THEM. 

Ayato’s first words to her when he’s back was to try and cheer her up and it’s so unlike him. Hinami’s excited to seem him back and god she’s worried if he’s hurt ;-; (especially since he fought for her sake as well)

I love this part where Hinami’s comparing him to Touka but she doesn’t say anything yet but Ayato knows she is and he stops her from saying anything else. I wonder how many times she’s told him he’s like Touka, probably enough till he’s completely sick of it. 

Ayato being burdened with work after work in Aogiri is something I always loved because like, he’s such an important member to the organization, no wonder Tatara was so harsh on him when he was disobedient. But, imagine the possible consequences of his disobedience getting out. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if we saw more of Aogiri during and pre Rue arc. There has to be some reaction among the members below when Ayato, the strongest and most experienced Executive left the organization. I mean, there’s bound to be some chaotic consequence. Aogiri Tree in general was a really untapped potential and one of the things I’m the most upset about when it comes to Ishida’s writing actually. 

Hinami is sweet and lovable but she hasn’t changed at all?? She’s still worrying about burdening others, but like if Auction told me anything it’s untrue. 

God is she a shojou manga heroine??? 

Yes, give him something he likes, good girl. I think you’re the first person in this entire manga who’s ever thought of making Ayato happy, aside from Touka that is. Good good. Clearly no one bothers enough about what he thinks and feels since they had a wedding for his sister in his absence.

It must be so painful for Hina to be with Ayato? She misses both Touka and Anteiku whenever she’s with him. God, Hina you shouldn’t have left, my girl.

Lmao Aogiri sucks. A ghoul organization that doesn’t have basic coffee brewing equipment. This made me think about that time in Root A when Kaneki was making coffee. Where did those things come from? Did he sneak some out of Anteiku. 

She actually had work to do as well, why does she think she’s useless. Hinami I love you. 

Hinami’s so used to Aogiri now? In the past she used to go out more in the day. I think it’s interesting how her being used to the night ties in well to the earlier imagery of the Aogiri Tree– and how her being under their shade had stolen the sunlight from her life. 

Seidou, sigh. Don’t traumatize Hinami. To be honest, I seriously still dislike Seidou as Owl. But I love Hinami’s reaction to him. She’s so un-Aogiri, yet even when she says she doesn’t belong and all, you can see that no one else (by that I mean the Executives) think so as well. 

Also lmao, Seidou’s head-ball dropped onto the ground and all Hinami thought was how the sound it made was similar to the sound of the heads dropping when Ayato chopped them off. Always thinking about Ayato I see. :’)

Miza is so sassy. I love her.

MIZA IS ENVIOUS OF AYAHINA’S RELATIONSHIP. I’m not sure if Miza has fallen for Naki yet. Technically the manga made it seem like it was after Auction that she realized her feelings for him but I think it’s blossoming even now. But either way, Miza is someone who wants children, so going by that line, I’m sure she longs for a romantic relationship as well. Which means, for her to be envious of Hinami��s relationship with Ayato… huehuehue (Does Miza picture Ayahina’s kids I wonder)

Miza’s relationship with Hinami is precious. I love them. She’s so protective. 

Hinami being unable to fight and kill due to her personality and not just ability and Hinami thinks about how this troubles Ayato. The contrasts between the two of them are so interesting. They’re so different in many aspects of themselves, but in the end, both Hinami and Ayato still struggle with and crave for the same thing. ;-;

Apparently Miza isn’t so good with sunlight. Fun tidbit. I’m glad we get to know more about the other members of Aogiri as well in this story. For an Aogiri fangirl like me, this story is amazing even without the Ayahina. 

HA. Okay, Hinami and Miza have a cute little girl to girl moment here that I absolutely love. They both find each other cute and are envious of each other… They’re adorable. New brotp guys. 

Hinami is so surprised that Miza is over 30 but Miza prefers this to being called Old Hag by the White Suits, aw. Hinami still apologized what a sweetheart. 

I feel some kind of parallel with Miza and Ayato over here? Hinami says that she feels like Miza is always taking care of Naki and Miza response is to complain about how he always rushes into things and how she doesn’t want to be dragged down by him. I feel some similarities to Ayato when he’s with Hinami. 

Miza doesn’t like sacrificing people, aw. I love this new batch of Aogiri leaders. Ayato-Miza-Naki combi is the complete opposite of tg!Ayato-Bin-Yamori combi. There’s so much care and love from the :re batch. 

Hinami thinking about Kaneki. Ahhhh. 

Miza is jealous of Hinami’s aura that makes people want to protect her, but Hinami hates this part of her– Miza and Hinami seem to really want what the other has. Sigh. These two. 

Miza talks about how valuable Hinami is to the organization like, come on Hinami, you’re amazing please. And also, since Aogiri doesn’t have enough girls, it seems like Miza really likes having Hinami around. 

The picture of Hinami and Miza is too adorable. Hinami, your hair. =w= She’s so cute???

Hinami’s so thorough– she asks the clerks and all and spends quite a bit of time in the stores. SO MUCH DEDICATION, GIRL. 

Some blade guy called Mikami appears. (Lmao, Mikami? Death Note ruined this name for me lol.)

Some Blade stuff. Hinami notes how the Blades were more like family and how despite the respect Mikami has to Miza, there seems to be no hierarchy. It’s something we see briefly in the manga as well during the Rue Island arc but it’s nice to see more of it, especially considering how Miza seemed to have lost all of her Blades. I kinda feel sad for her now. 

Hinami starts feeling comforted by Mikami and Miza and she wonders if she’s worrying and pushing herself too much and it’s amazing oh my god how she’s starting to feel better about herself. SHE STARTS BEING MORE POSITIVE ABOUT HERSELF asadlkkhskafa i love hinami 

She wants Miza to try some as thanks WHAT A HINAMI THING 

Okay but Miza the Ayahina shipper surfaces now when she tells Hinami to save the first cup of coffee for Ayato but then later says that Hinami can use her as practice instead. 

This scene is so heartbreaking because Hinami thinks about everyone in Anteiku and the instructions came from different members. She must really miss them so much and it’s really a pity how she’s no longer with them. SHE EVEN THINKS OF NISHIKI OKAY. 

Naki being Naki as usual but listen, he’s dense af and Miza is just too in love I CANT

Hinami wanting to make coffee for everyone but Miza’s like “bruh, didnt you buy this for ayato”. After this story, you guys can’t convince me otherwise. Miza is the number 1 Ayahina shipper in canon. NOT TO MENTION, she told Hinami to enjoy the last two cups of coffee with Ayato coughcoffeedatecough

Ayahina’s scene LEGGO

Ayato came home late and he seems really tired and stressed– my headcanonsssssss ;w; Still, I’m honestly surprised that it’s actually true that Ayato’s a lot busier than the rest are. Even Miza seemed shocked earlier on when Mikami said Ayato isn’t back yet. Tatara, stop working him to the bone gdi. 

Hinami’s so sweet? Even after all the trouble and training, she wonders if maybe letting Ayato rest would be a better idea. I can’t believe people used to say that Hinami probably doesn’t care about Ayato like she is so concerned and worried that she contemplates letting him rest instead. 

AYATO HAS GROWN– god Hinami thinking about this made me chuckle. And I love how she completely sees through that tsundere :’) 

AYATO IS YOMO 2.0 CONFIRMED. When Hinami mentioned how he doesn’t talk much that’s all I could really think about. Ahhhh… 

Ayato’s so dreamy when she’s making coffee for him. It’s like he’s silent and even Hinami commented that his mind seemed to be wandering. I BET HE’S THINKING ABOUT TOUKA because it’s in this same novel where Touka thinks about how she used to make coffee for Ayato as practice. 

Tsundere bunny is so tsun that he can’t even comment or thank her but Hinami knows him so well that she can tell he liked it and that he probably was happier and seriously, this is my favorite part, when she actually thinks that there will be light waiting ahead. Being with Naki and Miza comforted her and made her surer of herself but only when she was with Ayato did she receive some hope and courage. 

The imagery of Aogiri being a dark tree with shadows appears quite a bit here and how because of Aogiri Hinami doesn’t have much light in her life. She got used to the night, the base was dark despite it being noon, etc. But I think it’s interesting how there’s also light in here and all of it has something to do with Ayato– she went out in the day to get coffee beans and utensils for Ayato, it was after he drank her coffee that she was convinced that there will be light waiting for her. 

There wasn’t a break here but I just had to split because I hate this scene so much ;-; 

Hinami you should have just listened to Miza and drank together with Ayato. Your coffee date would have been so much more worth it than giving it to Eto. 

What’s interesting is that when she was going to Eto, it was referred to as her walking into the deepest of the tree. If there’s light waiting ahead, she’s walking away. (I wonder if this is me thinking too much into it, but if Aogiri is what covers Hinami with darkness and shadow, Eto, the person who brought her in is the deepest part of the tree, also the darkest probably. On the other hand, Ayato who’s always asking her to leave the organization is the one who was compared with light here. If there’s light at one end and darkness at the other, one is the kind of life she had without the organization, with Anteiku, the 6th Ward Gang, her parents, etc, while the other is Aogiri.) 

Another thing I like is how, to Eto, Hinami is seemingly dehumanized? She’s just another member in the organization. She’s nothing special. She’s replaceable, etc, just like how Tatara treats her in the manga. Even though Eto knows Hinami is there, she doesn’t bother until Hinami calls out. When she offers Eto the coffee, Hinami describes breathing to be difficult as well. And this is such a contrast to when she was with Miza and the rest, because being with them actually made her comfortable. Miza in fact told her she’s important. 

Reading this after Rue arc makes me a little bitter because seeing how Aogiri is, there was so much more potential in there. The organization was so badly split between the higher-ups and those below. I feel like it would have been really interesting to actually see them falling apart before the raid. Just some untapped potential, which seems to go along well with the rest of Aogiri currently in the manga (ie. Tatara and Eto’s ‘deaths’). Sigh. 

Another thing I find interesting is how Ayato is not enough to save Hinami in a way? Like, the light he provided for her was immediately overshadowed by Eto. Because in the end, Hinami’s own desire is still much stronger– she wants to get stronger so she remains in the organization, she believes so strongly that she’s weak so she doesn’t believe when others tell her she’s not, but when Eto does something to reinforce her own insecurities, she immediately falls even deeper. I really feel so sad for her but I love this bit actually. 

Hinami being eaten up as nutrition for the tree– in a way, she was. Aogiri used her for her abilities, which were clearly very valuable– and then when she’s no longer there, they simply discarded her. I think it’s suitable how in the end, Ayato went to save her with the Anteiku people rather than Aogiri people. Even though she had friends here, it makes it seem like how the Tree had washed its hands off her because it was done with her. It had eaten its fill, you know. 

Sigh Hinami you really should have listened to Miza here.