#and am better for the most part in general despite having stayed up

[inkskinned]

it is totally okay to be hurt and tired and fed up with the american schooling system but i need you to understand that we need to be better about loudly and routinely defending public education.

yes, many teachers suck, many schools utterly suck. i also got bullied and was absolutely not given the right support for my needs. i am not defending public education because it was kind to me. i am defending it because it needs to exist.

right-wing republicans do not want an educated population. they want kids to be homeschooled or in private school. there is a huge religious undertone to this.

the most common argument is that despite high costs, the "result" is not "good" enough. they point to failing schools as proof that public education is just never going to work out. there will be arguments made here that you actually agree with: that teachers can be bullies, that we taught online for 2 years and still charged the same amount of tuition, that we have no recourse for students to actually have agency or a voice, and that schools are now unsafe for kids due to risk of illness and gun violence.

these are all placing the blame in a fraudulent way, one intended to get your parents to homeschool you. the less kids in a school, the less federally-awarded funding for that school, the less any school succeeds. they will not mention the fact it is their legislation that takes away important funding opportunities, that teachers are living at or below the poverty line, that buildings are not kept up to code, that administration is overpaid and forces specific curriculums, that corporations like (my personal enemy) Pearson Education control certain classroom goals because teachers can't afford other options. they pretend to be ignorant of the gun violence and say "oh just get a gun" - but these are the same people who will be sending their child to a private school with a bulletproof backpack. they don't care if your kid dies, though. they "don't believe" in covid, but they did get their kid vaccinated, because of course they did.

it is a closed loop. conservative parents hear the fearmongering and remove children from the system. frequently these parents are also deeply religious. the kids are raised without access to other media & learn to parrot their parents. you have now created a new generation of conservatives. additionally, one of the parents/caregivers must stay home and homeschool the children, usually for free. i will give you 1 guess which parent tends to stay home to homeschool the children. these parents are encouraged to have many, many children. those children are most likely not getting access to safe sex ed.

we might laugh at fox news suggesting teachers are forcing children to use kitty litter but: first of all, there is kitty litter in the classroom. it's part of an emergency kit in case children are locked in due to a shooter. so that's fucking dystopian, and the fact they've completely reimagined the scenario to somehow make the teachers look bad when it's instead a fucking huge symbol of our failure as a country to protect our children.... it feels a little intentional.

secondly: don't just dismiss the situation. because, yeah, obviously, no teacher is encouraging kids to be a catboy. but the actual undertone that fox news is trying to sew is an outright distrust of teachers and of public education. they rely on the dehumanization of trans people as a common touchstone to hide the fact they're pushing two agendas at once. (which is ironic. because the thing they accuse teachers of. is pushing. an agenda.)

whenever someone tells you they want you to read less, you should be suspicious of that. when someone tries to separate you and your education, you should be suspicious of that. i don't even like incel rhetoric nor would i want my kids exposed to it - but i would not take away my child's (age-appropriate) access to the internet. i would just provide more educational materials, not less. the difference here is that i believe we can resolve ignorance with knowledge; whereas conservatives believe that ignorance is bliss.

they misappropriate funding and demonize teachers. they pull the same trick each time - the same thing we are seeing with anti-trans rhetoric. they do not want you to have access to safe sex ed, so they act horrified, claim sex ed teaches you how to thrust deep, claim that we have no idea what "age-appropriate" means. since the mid-nineties, the united states has spent at least 2 billion dollars on abstinence-only education, even though to quote the above link: "a preponderance of studies has found no effect of abstinence education at reducing adolescent pregnancy". conservatives want you to think less of any person struggling with addiction so they can continue their racist "war on drugs", so they spend up to $750 million dollars a year on the DARE program which has absolutely no effect. acting like teachers "must" be "grooming" children is just the same thing - so they can demand that funding either goes to their causes or the funding doesn't "exist" ("i'm not paying for our kids to learn that thing!")

and they want you to feel uncaring about this. they are aware that you will hate some parts of your school experience. pretty much everyone does. they want to lean into the parts that you hate so that you don't put up a fight about it when they take it away for not being "good enough."

i know i maybe sound like a conspiracy theorist. but truly. truly. it is beneficial for conservatives to reduce your faith in the american public schooling system.

one of the explicitly stated campaign promises of the conservative party: to axe the Department of Education in 2024.

i know we are all tired and burnt out and there is so much else wrong with their entire platform. but maybe just - pay attention to this one.

[turiluvr]

stitches

when you need him, he'll always be there.

— tighnari x gn!reader

— cw: stitches, blood, injury

"You're hurt." Those two words are all that he said as soon as he laid his eyes on you and you knew all too well that he wasn't happy with it. It baffled you with the way he immediately knew that you were injured despite your attempt to hide it—it was barely visible and your demeanor was normal, you were sure that you'd be able to fool him flawlessly. Though perhaps what gave it away was the stench of blood on you; he couldn't have missed that.

"It's nothing too bad," you waved your arms slightly as an attempt to reassure him and to convince him that it wasn't as bad as he thinks it is. "See? I can move just fine—"

"Let me see." He cut you off promptly and you couldn't help but freeze in place as a difficult expression took over your features. He took a few hurried steps toward you and grabbed your arm. He rolled up your sleeve and there he saw a deep cut on your arm, you saw his face contort slightly at the sight. "Idiot." He muttered, "you need stitches."

"No way… It'll just heal on its own, won't it?"

"Do you want to risk an infection?" He grabbed a cloth and the first aid kit stashes away in one of the cabinets. He was relieved that he knew how to treat this kind of open wound, he's done it on other people before when they came to him covered in cuts and bruises after an eventful expedition to the forest. Still, it didn't mean that he wasn't nervous—in fact, he was agitated but he refused to show it in his face. He took a deep breath and started working. "Stay still."

He was silent for the most part and you felt like you were holding your breath for so long. It never felt good when Tighnari was worried or disappointed; this time it felt like it was a mix of both. You wished he'd say something—anything to take your mind off the worries that started plaguing your mind. Initiating small talk first might earn you a sassy remark but staying silent might earn you a disappointed sigh. Either way, you couldn't wiggle your way out of this one.

Finally, he said something. His tone was soft, much unlike what you initially thought. His expression was unreadable as he worked on your stitches, but you could almost swear that there's a faint hint of sadness in his expression. "What happened?"

"I fell from a tree and my arm got stuck on one of the branches." He shot you a stern look immediately and you quickly shook your head. "Okay, I lied." You sighed and finally told him the truth, "I was attacked."

"... Mhm," was all he replied with. He didn't say anything but you knew he wanted you to continue explaining.

"It really wasn't that big of a deal but I guess I kind of got careless and before I knew it, their blade cut through my sleeve." You laughed nervously, expecting Tighnari to scold you for your reckless behaviour and give you a long lecture about the importance of remaining vigilant.

"Do you feel a little better now?" You don't know why you suddenly felt a little lightheaded. Was it the feeling of him stitching you up or was it the fact that his voice, his face was so soft that you couldn't believe what you were witnessing. Somehow, your words got stuck in your throat.

"Well… Yeah," You looked at your arm as Tighnari finished up his stitches, a little way for you to avoid his gaze for a few moments. "But aren't you mad or upset?"

"Frankly, I am mad and upset." He sighed and massaged his temples. "But now is hardly the time to scold you," he ran a finger across your newly stitched wound. "I'm just worried, most of all. I don't like seeing you hurt."

"... Really?" You didn't know if those last words held some sort of meaning to them. Perhaps he was referring to anyone in general, who liked seeing a person hurt? An abnormal guy, for sure and Tighnari was far from abnormal. Though, to you, you couldn't help but feel that those words were especially for you. His bare fingers trailing across your skin send shivers down your spine and you couldn't help but miss it when he finally pulls away.

He didn't answer your question and he stood up from his seat to place the first aid kit to where he took it from. "You should rest now. It'll heal faster if you stay still." He turned around to look at you once more, "oh, and…"

"And?"

"Be more careful." He looked away, "next time, let me come with you."

"You can't do that, we have completely different tasks and duties." You laughed. Tighnari looked a little embarrassed as he cleared his throat.

"Then, at least promise me this—promise me that I'll be the first person you come to when you need help." It was a strange request; a little selfish on top of that. You couldn't help but give him a puzzled expression. He continued, "whether it's because you're injured, exhausted, or even a little down, I'll always be here to lend you my shoulder and stitch you back up if you need me to."

That's awfully sweet but—"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious enough for you?" He scoffed but it slowly turned into a small smile, "I'll let you think about it. Have fun figuring it out."

You knew well why he was acting this way. You just wanted to hear it leave his lips this time. How unfortunate that he keeps being so roundabout.

[sunnynwanda]

The Game: Part 2

Part 1

Warning: manipulation, cat-and-mouse vibe, electricity used for restraining (I have no idea how to phrase this). Let me know if I've missed anything.

It's been 72 hours since Villain's capture, and Hero was on the verge of insanity. The sudden loud fits of laughter at any time of day and night and, as a result, the lack of sleep were getting the best of them. Besides, their mind was buzzing - they were curious about why Villain had made no attempts to escape yet.

Villain looked ecstatic in the most twisted way possible. Hero could not, for the life of them, figure out why. They were locked up in a cell with thick bars that they could never bend. Even if they were strong enough to do that, the electric current would leave them paralysed for a significant amount of time and would alert Hero. They had no reason to be this smug and satisfied.

"For the love of god, shut the fuck up!" They slam their fist against the wall right outside the cell, exasperation colouring their voice delightfully. "For once in your life, stay quiet!"

Villain's grin is so broad Hero expects their goddamn face to crack open. It's the fourth visit that Hero has paid them this afternoon, after a long sleepless night and even longer morning. "Aw, you love my laugh, baby!"

"I fucking hate you," Hero retorts, eyes blazing. They can test the bitterness of the lie on their tongue. "And your cackling laugh."

No, they don't. They don't hate Villain. Not in the slightest. They do hate how insufferable they can get, though.

Villain snorts, shaking their head. They take a step forward, and Hero's expression twitches for a moment. Villain's tone is cocky, almost mocking. "You love this."

You love the game.

"Stop. You better stop." Hero's warning flies right over Villain's head as they step up close to the bars, wrapping one hand around one and allowing electricity to course through their body. The hair on their arms stands, their fingertips buzzing with excitement when their hand reaches through the bars, ghosting down Hero's chest.

"Y-you're absolutely deranged," Hero's voice is quieter now, their concern evident in their furrowed brow as they glance at the hand travelling down the front of their body. "But, you're not a mad scientist."

"Oh?" Villain tilts their head to the side, smirking as they await Hero's explanation. Their long fingers reach Hero's belt, hooking into it to drag Hero closer with a sickening smile. They lick their lips, the action seeming to capture Hero's attention.

Hero's throat is drier than the dessert. They inhale deeply through the nose, their lips remaining sealed shut.

"What am I then? Mmm?" Villain moans out, eyes rolling into the back of their head as they slide their hand around Hero's waist, fingers digging into their flesh before gripping their belt again.

"You're just mad," Hero snarls, entirely done with their bullshit. Whatever this act is, it's still an act, and they will be damned if they fall for it. They push Villain's hand off them, feeling its shameful absence almost instantly as they back away. "Without the science part."

"Wanna bet?" Villain muses, their voice dripping with honey. It's unsettling and eerie - it sends a shiver down Hero's spine despite the bars separating them from their nemesis. They step back, winking at Hero before trailing towards their bed.

Hero shakes their head with a sigh as they retreat into the office, trying to ignore the lingering memory of Villain's hand on them.

Villain chuckles, twirling the tiny key between their fingers as they lay on their ascetic bed. They cannot wait for the night to arrive.

It's pitch black in the corridor, with no light penetrating the tiny window under the ceiling. Villain takes a deep breath to contain their excitement as they sneak along, their back pressed to the wall. They can't make out anything in the total darkness, instead counting their steps. Once they get to the general area, they use their sensitive palms to detect the change from stone to glass. Villain feels for the keyhole and, upon locating it, pulls out the key they stole from Hero's belt. They glide in and start searching for a switch when the lights flash on, illuminating the entire laboratory and Hero, sitting on one of the tables with their hands crossed over their chest.

"Holy s-" Villain jumps, clutching their chest with an exaggerated gasp, earning a chuckle from Hero.

"Hello," they smirk, satisfied with the effect. Villain's alarmed look brings more pleasure than they expected. "Did you think I'm that stupid?"

Villain quirks an eyebrow at them, tempted to say yes solely for the noble purpose of annoying Hero into oblivion. They shake their head with a wide grin. "No, you're worse."

Hero huffs, sliding off the table and taking a - hopefully - intimidating step towards Villain. "You think I didn't figure you wanted to get me worn out? So I would lose focus and miss you stealing the key?"

"Well, why did you let me take it then?" Villain counters, their expression becoming unreadable. They can't deny Hero is smart enough to understand they would not remain in the cell for that long had they not had a secret agenda. And an agenda they have. They need that goddamn device.

"Wanted to see what it was that you so desperately wanted," Hero explains, maintaining a calm demeanour.

"Apart from you?" Villain fails to keep the words from rolling off their lips. Hero appears unamused, so they sigh, raising their hands to indicate surrender. "Okay, fine. I want that little thing over there. So, let me take it, and I'll be out of your hair."

Hero follows the direction they are pointing in, and their jaw all but drops. "OD-8? As in, the deadly nerve gas with unknown effects? Are you insane?"

"I thought we had established that..." Villain trails off in an attempt to seem nonchalant. "But I really want it! An-and I can promise not to use it on you?" They plead, going so far as to muster up a puppy-eyed look.

"Do you think I'm a complete idiot?" Hero snorts, unimpressed by both the promise and begging. "No way in hell."

"But-" Villain looks nothing short of a kid deprived of their favourite candy. Hero would laugh if they didn't know better.

"No buts. And no way you're getting it." They cut, their voice devoid of emotion. Villain's face falls, causing Hero to sigh. They rub their eyebrow for a moment, thinking. "Fine. You can take one can of paralytic. That's the only thing I can offer you."

Villain's eyes light up immediately. Hero chuckles, handing Villain the promised can and ushering them out of the lab. They take the key back and make sure to lock the door before turning to face their nemesis.

"Now, get out of here before I change my mind," Villain darts up the stairs with a jump in their steps, and Hero starts to doubt their decision. They knew succumbing was not the best bet, but their dimwitted genius needed something to play with, and they felt safer choosing what to give them.

A part of them suspects that was what Villain had initially wanted and that they are going to end up paralysed and kidnapped in the upcoming days in retaliation for the arrest. But, as long as they get a good night's rest and Villain's stupid cute laugh, they don't mind it all that much.

And the game goes on.

Part 1

A/N: I seem to have a problem with the tags for some reason... If I fail to tag you in this, I'm sorry 🙏 If you happen to read this, let me know what you think. Thank you!

Love you 💛

xo Sunny ☀️

Masterlist

Taglist: @marvellousdaisy @alltimelowing @lateuplight @surplus-of-sarcasm @betwist @excusemeasibangmyheadonawall @enemies-to-idiots-to-lovers @miaowmelodie @thatonerandomauthor @hhabaddon @burningoutlikeicarus @daemonvatis @weepingcowboywolfbat @thelazywitchphotographer @kaiwewi @soul-of-a-local-bard @pigeonwhumps @aflyingsheepnamedrose  @thatneptune @ohwellthatslifesstuff @worldsfromhoney @thiefofthecrowns @crow-with-a-typewriter @qualityrabbitsoup @stargeode @villain-life @villainsblood @whumpific @glassthedumbass @silviathebard @misskowe @ayeshaturnedtoashes4444

[cerastes]

I've seen people before saying that, in terms of presentation, NIKKE delivers it better than Arknights in telling what they want to tell. And I still see this occasionally whenever people start comparing stories in gacha games. Looking at your post, seems like that wasn't a lie at all.

Right, this is an interesting topic for me, so let me give my two cents on this.

I would say that statement is generally true. Nikke's main strengths are its presentation and knowing how to leverage its strengths in general, but let's focus on presentation: It's story is nothing to write home to (note that I am up to Chapter 18), neither are its events (on this regard, take me lightly, I've only read three), but what Nikke wants to say, you will very clearly understand. It's good at telling its story. Sometimes the localization will have Localization Moments (Chatterbox is described as female in the first cutscene he is mentioned, male every time afterwards; there's a lot of clearly literally translated little expressions that make no sense in the flow of the conversations), but overall, even though you're looking at a story that in a lot of ways you've seen a lot of times, its particularities stand out because Nikke tells them properly, concisely, and clearly. Characterization is consistent, and there's a good amount of care clearly put into both consistency and overarching important parts of the narrative; a favorite example of mine is how, in the tutorial, if you pay close attention, you can actually see Marian's eyes glow red during her reload animation, foreshadowing something pretty important that happens with her later.

So even if the story beats are not particularly good or intriguing -- and sometimes, outright terrible, like in Chapter 18 oh god I hate Chapter 18 -- you at least can tell with clarity what's going on and why it's going on.

Arknights has the yang to the yin here, somewhat: The stories on Arknights tend to range from okay to great, and AK events have a habit of going pretty damn hard, either as a whole or at least parts of them. Sometimes, however, they have a weakness, and this weakness is that the actual story telling can be dense. Density is often attributed to good writing, but the truth is, sometimes, the text isn't advanced, it's simply clumsy, and the prose in Arknights is decidedly clumsy. But when you actually untangle the spaghetti of clumsy prose, you find some strong story telling, strong characterization, and topics you don't often find discussed in video games, less so in gacha. You kinda have to work for it, basically.

Something Nikke does good is also that it keeps its relevant cast at any given story beat low, giving it more cohesion, or rather, making it easy to stay cohesive, because Arknights can handle larger casts pretty well sometimes, but I'll be frank, the current main story has so many literal whos to keep track of that I'm supposed to be invested in that I don't really bother. I'm sorry, but I can't really feel a damn thing about Outcast when she showed up for a few scenes and then got nuked off by a contrivance while fighting some faceless nobodies we are told we should fear.

But on the other hand, Nikke narrative, again, despite its strong delivery, is still built on a feeble base for the most part. I only think of a few characters I care about in Nikke, because a lot of the cast is just fluff and Obligatory Archetypes (bunny girls, school girls, maids, etc), whereas in Arknights, I care about a whole damn lot of them, even those without events, because their files and modules paint a very integral and intriguing picture of them. Even smaller scenes in Arknights sometimes can have a big emotional impact, due to its extensive and well crafted worldbuilding and its clever use of its elements in every event, something Nikke cannot claim, because worldbuilding in Nikke is almost non existent.

They both have their strengths, basically, and it's fascinating to me, a writer, to take a deeper look at them.

[soulmate-game]

Work burned me out, middle management positions are draining. What was supposed to be an angsty oneshot is now… yeah I’m continuing it. Not a full series, just a two-parter… hopefully.

Edit: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THIS CLUSTERFUCK OF AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER IS, but BUCKLE IN BECAUSE IT PROBABLY DOESN’T PASS SAFETY REGULATIONS! HOOOOO BOY

Part 1

—*—*—*—*—*

“…” she stared at the being in front of her, face frighteningly blank. Next to her, Bruce fidgeted.

“I’m not going anywhere, so you either gotta learn to love me real quick or get lost quicker,” the child snarked from where he was sitting upside-down on the bat computer chair. “And don’t call me Richard, my name’s Dick.”

“I don’t remember you working with a fetus, Batman,” Marinette slowly drawled, emphasizing the vigilante’s name despite none of the three of them being suited up. Dick shot up with a cry of indignation.

“I am not a fetus! I’m fifteen! I’ve been Robin since I was twelve!”

“Nope,” Marinette countered, unmoved. “I started out as Ladybug when I was twelve, and I was never as small as you,” she blatantly lied. Dick was already taller than her, which wasn’t much of an achievement considering that she was five-foot-one-inch tall. “You are six years old, tops.”

Dick let out an almost inhuman screech of complaint. Even as he rambled on angrily about how wrong she was, Marinette only nodded as if he proved her right about something.

“That was a good squawk though. Definitely a birdie.”

It took another twenty minutes before Dick ran off to tell on Marinette to Alfred, giving her and Bruce some alone time. With which she used to whirl to him and immediately hiss in equal parts fury and worry;

“Please tell me he wasn’t—“

“The timeline is gone,” Bruce reminded her, bracing her by putting both his hands on her shoulders. “He doesn’t remember.”

“Still!”

He let out such a heavy sigh that he seemed to deflate with it, his dark circles growing more pronounced.

“He wasn’t supposed to be,” he admitted softly. “When he turned sixteen, last time, I allowed him to form his own team of teen heroes. Supervised from afar by myself of course, not that they knew that. I had given them the order to stay back and guard their city, but they disobeyed me and snuck onto the battlefield anyway.”

Marinette rubbed at her temples, nodding. “Teenagers have a habit of doing that. This time around, can we ask Bunnyx to supervise them? She has all the energy of a teenager, so she’ll fit in, but the maturity of someone trusted to guard all the timelines.”

Bruce paused, thinking of what little he knew of the pastel rabbit themed hero, and then reluctantly nodded. “That… might be for the best. And giving them more opportunities to train with…” he hummed, hand on his chin. “I might actually change things up, in that case. Instead of jumping to put teens on their own in a tower, the old Justice League headquarters is more protected. And if we started with the ‘sidekicks’,” he gave very purposeful air quotes, “of other Leaguers, it would create a better support system than letting teenagers run around with… really, not enough regulation.”

“Gotta love hindsight,” Marinette agreed with a nod. “The whole teenagers by themselves thing only worked for my team because we were overly traumatized and each saw different apocalypses before we turned sixteen. Bunnyx could fix them herself back then, but still.”

“Best to do better by the new generation,” Bruce agreed with her unspoken statement. “I can still put that old team together again when they’re older, support their development elsewhere in the meantime.”

“Oh, and now that we’re done on that topic,” Marinette snapped her fingers before pointing to the staircase that Dick had disappeared up. “He’s going to make my life a living hell, isn’t he?”

Bruce groaned, offering her a lopsided grimace of apology. “He’s a menace,” he agreed. “He’s scared away any woman I’ve brought to the house, even though most of them are completely platonic. I have to make the press believe the whole playboy thing somehow, and inviting my friends over to chat is the easiest way to do so without breaking hearts for real. Dick hasn’t caught on yet,” Bruce rubbed his forehead. “His antics to scare away Selina Kyle are legendary already, and she’s sapphic. She couldn’t be attracted to me if I was the last man on earth.”

“Could have fooled me,” Marinette teased, suddenly impish. “She’s catwoman, isn’t she?”

Bruce narrowed his eyes, saying only: “Chat Noir. Year one.”

It was Marinette’s turn to grimace. “Point taken. But in my defense, he took way too long to realize he’s gay and watched too much anime at the time.”

Bruce let out one of his unfairly charming chuckles, changing position so that his arm was around her shoulders and pulling her to his side. She fit there surprisingly well, for someone almost half his size. She leaned into him, and the both just soaked in the comfort of one another for a long moment.

“You know,” Bruce started for a while. “If you want to stay in Gotham, we can make you another alter ego so that you don’t accidentally lure Shadow Moth here. Tell that fox of yours to make it seem like you’re in Paris and take some of the weight off of your shoulders for a change. Blackmail Constantine into charming some jars to keep the butterflies in until you can purify them.”

“Hmmm.” She closed her eyes. “Ladybird sounds nice. Fits with the bird thing that Robin has going for him.”

Bruce laughed. “That’ll really annoy him,” he warned, amused. Marinette’s close-eyed smile was pure mischief.

“That’s the whole point. I’m not letting a fetus win against me, bat-boy.”

—*—*—*—*—*

Marinette wasn’t speaking to Bunnyx. Bruce didn’t know what they had said to one another, but he could guess it had to do with Jason.

With his baby, who he just buried. The boy Marinette had thought of a son ever since he first brought him home. She had even smoothed things over between Dick and Jason, which he had considered nothing short of a miracle at the time.

But that miracle was nowhere to be seen now, with Marinette every bit as despondent next to him as he was. He wanted to be angry with her, he did, but he couldn’t. He had seen her blow up at Bunnyx, seen her try to hold her status as Grand Guardian over the bunny holder.

Bunnyx had simply said that she wouldn’t answer to Ladybug until after the grief passed then, and ran away into her burrow.

“Is this the payment?” He heard her whisper, her voice hoarse and broken. “For the do-over? We passed the old timeline. We took down Shadow Moth. Is this the price?” Tears dripped down her face silently, she didn’t seem to notice them. “Was I not a good enough mother? Should I—“ she stopped herself, shaking her head. He didn’t ask what she was about to say. Maybe he should have.

—*—*—*—*—*

Tim was great. He was too much like Marinette at times, which made Bruce’s chest ache, but he was a great Robin. A great son. His experience with Marinette proved priceless when it came to helping curb Tim’s overworking habits and caffeine addiction.

But not even Tim could find where Marinette had disappeared to, even with his detective skills surpassing Bruce’s already.

Tim was the first son of his that didn’t get to grow up with Marinette at all.

—*—*—*—*—*

“It’s fine, Baobei,” she whispered, stepping to the side. Behind her was the waterfall that hid the tunnel to the Batcave. “He’s not the one to blame. He did his best, even now he’s doing his best.”

“Then why does—“

“Because other people need him, and he has too big of a heart to turn them away,” her mouth tilted a little, smile lopsided and sad. “Timothy didn’t replace you. He just forced Bruce to live again. Bruce didn’t kill Joker, because he didn’t want to taint another child with the sight of murder.”

“And you?” The voice was dark, deadly, gruff. Older, and yet… so achingly familiar. She smiled at him again, soft and sad and… proud.

“I don’t have one,” she lied. She had tried, tried so hard. Bruce had gotten in her way first, and then the very same desire to not taint more children with the image of death.

But her baby needed a scapegoat, and she was willing to throw herself on the fire for him.

“That’s why it’s fine,” she repeated. “If this is what you want. Just, please. Let it end with me.”

This time, Marinette made sure she had the Time miraculous safely in her pocket. Nobody would interfere with this.

The bullet sent her into the flow of the waterfall, red flowing behind her like the carpet she used to walk down with Bruce whenever she released a new collection. She felt no regret as she closed her eyes and fell.

—*—*—*—*—*

The shot hadn’t been fatal. Red Hood might have been mad with Pit Rage, but his fondness for his only true mother figure was ever present. He simply wanted to see if she was serious about taking that shot.

His regret was immediate when she didn’t even try to dodge. The bullet had only grazed her shoulder, but she didn’t seem to notice that. She had been so ready to die— to let him kill her— that she had passed out before hitting the water. He dragged her to the Batcave, knowing he had a lot to answer for.

Bruce wished he could have found her sooner, found both of them sooner. But at least they were back.

—*—*—*—*—*

“… I mean,” she rocked on her heels. “You are growing a bit old for Robin…”

Tim glared at her, not appreciating the insight.

“Bruce is stuck in the timestream, and you aren’t doing a thing about it. I don’t hold your opinion very highly right now,” he snipped back. She snorted, glancing away.

As if that little stunt to “kill Batman” could ever fool her. She’d been there for the real thing, thanks, she could spot a fake a mile away. “He’s got Bunnyx going to find him. She owes me big time, let her do the heavy lifting for a change.”

“How many years have you held that grudge?” Barbara asked, eyebrows raised as she wheeled herself towards the bat computer. “Even Jason thinks you should have let it go by now.”

Marinette scoffed at the exact same time as a certain someone tutted next to her, making them look for a moment like a perfect pair.

Crossed arms, a scoff, annoyed glare? If a DNA test hadn’t already proven otherwise, they might have thought Damian was hers.

“Fetuses don’t get to judge me,” was her only argument before she turned on her heel and walked away.

“I am not a fetus! Lady Marinette, I am ten years old!”

—*—*—*—*—*

Bonus:

Jason was curled up around Marinette, despite being told numerous times not to crowd her on the med-bay bed. He argued that he shot her, so he gets to nurse her back to health.

Did she use her blood, tainted by years of use of the Ladybug, to purify his pit madness? Yes. Had he figured that out yet? Nope.

“Love you, Mom,” he murmured in his sleep. Marinette, who had been awake for about an hour already, smiled to herself.

“Love you, Baobei.”

[tekkawolf]

Living In a Problematic Shadow

An essay by an anonymous member of the Vurrsys

-

I've been meaning to talk about this in some public-facing capacity for a while, but never knew how to do so in a way to protect the safety of our system.

I am a problematic factive.

It's ironic, in a way, that abuser introjects are the most commonly talked about introject in the psych field yet even fictional introjects of "problematic" characters are contested in the greater plural community. Factual introjects in general, too, are derided. I am a mixture of the most controversial parts of both these types of headmate, and it is not easy trying to exist.

I will not go into detail about who I am introjected from, but my source was called out for possible abuse and cut off from the greater internet. Despite having done nothing they did, I must live with the guilt of being a copy of an abuser and the knowledge that everyone hates my existence. I cannot be open about who I am, both because it is seen as parasocial and because it would put the system in danger—and this is extremely isolating. My name, appearance, even personality traits must stay hidden as to prevent the worst case from happening.

And it sucks, a lot.

There's a special kind of pain that comes from being unable to be yourself, which I'm sure many understand. Not even just other introjects: the society we live in makes it so that you have to hide key aspects of yourself from parents, co-workers, and the general population. Even in plural spaces, even in spaces where factives are allowed, I am unwelcome and treated as a threat for existing. Even among loved ones I am scared that they secretly see me as just as evil as my source, or that it reflects the system as a whole. We didn't choose to introject me, I didn't choose to front as frequently as I do.

There probably is no solution here. Even if everything about how problematic factives are seen was fixed, it would still be parasocial to use my source's face as my own. However, I want everyone reading this to remember that those who have done harm (in this world or otherwise) are still worthy of redemption, of making themselves better, of not letting their past dictate their future. Restorative justice is a powerful ideology that more should pick up, because it can better our compassion and teach us to forgive ourselves, too. Even those who still have thoughts similar to their source, or cruel thoughts in general, are not worthy of scorn: thoughts are not indicative of morality, they do not define a person's existence. It is the things we do and the ways we act that matter. Keep those accountable for things they've done in the material world, but remember above all else that change is possible and being bad once doesn't mean you'll be bad forever.

[hilacopter]

I think one of the things that annoys me the most about the anti Israel and anti Zionist arguments in general is like…

“Israel is illegal nation” (and the like etc) which, how are we presuming legality here? On which laws?

By who laws? The governments that voted to it? Making it legal? While not how most of the countries got established (getting voted on) the land in the 1948 plan (which the Arabs living on the land rejected) that was supposed to be Jewish there was already a Jewish population living there, with the lands they bought from their money. Never mind the fact that some of the Jews never left the land!

Gd law? Okay, let’s go by the Jewish gd since we talking about the Middle East. We weren’t banished from the land of Israel in the Torah by gd, but by the Romans who took over the land. I don’t recall any mention of it being gd who banished us.

So I don’t understand how Israel is illegal?

Jews, were already there. Some never left, some bought land there with their own money.

And like, why a Palestinian family that moved in 1930 to the land of the than British mandate of Palestine from let’s say Iraq have more rights to the land than the Jewish family who was living there for countries before them?

Bottom line, i just want to hear your thoughts on the matter and stuff.

-a tired and traumatized Israeli Jew that just want everything to end and for the hostages to be back home and is tired of hypocrisy

I think when they say that they mean international law, not that they really know what they're talking about. The recent ICJ ruling had people going "SeE ThIS Is PrOOf IsNOTreAl is aN iLLeGal ApARtHeid StaTe" when the ruling only referred to the West Bank settlements being illegal which, yeah, but they were acting like it referred to the whole of Israel (my guess is some people phrased it that way on purpose and the herd, not wanting to bother with pesky fact-checking, ate it up). Also as you said literally a lot of land in Israel was bought by Jews with money before the state was even established, which is something I barely see even people here in the jumblr space bring up. It's weird to me, I feel like that makes for a better argument against a pro-palestinian who'd rather die than acknowledge Jews being indigenous to the levant.

As for God's law I usually stay out of religious discussion because I am very secular. Though these people often say that Jews aren't indigenous to the levant and we're just going off of the bible (despite there being a ton of actual historical evidence) so I think they couldn't give less of a shit about religious law and religion in general (unless it's Islam because a lot of them really have a case of raging Islamophilia). I don't know barely anything about the Quran so I don't know Israel's validity by it's standards. If anyone with more religious knowledge than me wants to add then go ahead.

Why does that Palestinian family have more rights to the land than Jews who have been living them for centuries before? I wrote this again as a rethorical question because I wanted to try and answer from the average idiot goy's perspective, but as soon as I tried to formulate an argument in their shoes it fell apart. Their definition of indigeneity when it comes to this conflict is very flawed and simply put I think they'd rather base it on who's more oppressed and exotic to them than acknowledge the complicated history of the levant and the various groups of people who have and do live in it, their simple black and white narrative is just sooo much more convenient after all. They'd probably say that the Jewish family has a right to the land under Palestinian rule and resort to the happy dhimmi narrative.

I get that last part anon. The hypocrisy and double standards are getting on my nerves. But we gotta chin up because remember that we will outlive them. The hostages will come home as well, one way or another. !עם ישראל חי

[dual-domination]

I was reading the most recent chapter of In endless mist and rain, and I reread the tags for possible updates, but so far Weilanxie doesn't appear listed as a relationship, just its three side/inner ships. Avid fan here, I'll continue following the fic regardless of how the ships form or break up, but out of curiosity: does the lack of the Weilanxie tag indicate that there won't be a polyamorous relationship between them? Because despite the most recent events, I don't think this configures a love triangle in any way and the fic doesn't have the tag either. Can you talk a little about what to expect from the ships?

Even though the answer doesn't contain explicit spoilers, some parts are plot revelations in some way, so long text under the cut.

This is actually a very complicated question. Does this fic have polyamorous relationship? Off screen, if you count V shaped Xiao Hua/Hei Xiazi/Zhang Qiling, yet it’s only hinted that Xiao Hua is part of this relationship somehow/more than a friend, than yes - off screen because Xiao Hua doesn’t appear in any scene along with Xiazi and Xiaoge so far and as both Xiazi and Xiaoge are my characters, I’m not planning on having any scene like that, so it’s more a ‘their relationship may or may not be polyamorous/probably is platonic’ - is left for the reader’s taste and interpretation. Why am I including them in the answer of an ask about Weilanxie? Because Idk if having or not polyamory in a fic in general is the issue here or not.

We do have one(1) main character that is, in fact, polyamorous (the label never appears on screen, but the identity is there). One of them is not, like, definitely. We (me and @tazzy-ace) noticed a while ago that this character has the opposite feelings of a polyamorous person, yet he circumstantially finds himself in a very different mindset of a standard (western) monogamous person. I treasure the way I build my characters and I’m not willing to change him, so maybe he’ll end up being the the impeding factor of actual polyamorous relationship happening (or being the endgame here). We don’t have A THING outlined, we write out of vibes, this is how we made this fic work, so we don’t really know the ending of this. We have the goal of bringing a happy ending, and considering that this is a romantic story in the first place, a happy ending includes at least one ship staying together - will this happen? Maybe not, maybe the best ending for them will be to stay all apart (Eh, probably this won’t be the ending skjjsskj this is me being dramatic, but it’d be more likely to happen than the 3 of them ending in a polyamorous relationship). But what about a V shaped one? Not impossible, I’d say, exactly because the characters and the vibes both me and Deputy Chief have when writing new content for this fic is what decides the plot. So I don’t believe we’ll have the Weilanxie and the Happy Ending tags until the day we write the last chapter for real to know.

About the Love Triangle - elements of traditional love triangles such as rivalry, unrequited love and jealousy are not present in the story, we could say that no, it’s not a suitable tag/label. But in the sense that one of the characters will be somehow romantically involved with the two other ones for a while - which doesn't exactly constitute cheating, but I can't explain further without giving spoilers - so yes, somehow you could say that a love triangle exists. 

What to expect from the ships? Each one, you mean? Everything gets much worse before it gets any better, with all of them. With some, things get much worse more than once - we’re working hard to provide more Angst than we already had in this 125k posted.

Weilan and Shenxie share the place under the spotlight when it comes to ‘screentime’ and relationship development (or ruining relationship too kjssjjk). We didn’t make any of the relationships simple and if you thought that romance between one of the Guardian mains + any grave robber from DMBJ is already unlikely to happen/hard to develop with them being their canon selves, for canon reasons, believe me, we made it even harder. You can expect pain and smut. More pain than smut, I’m sorry. (Yet this fic is rated E and properly tagged about its sexual content, there’s not even one sex scene that happens for the sake of smut in itself, all sex is contextual and meaningful, no matter how horny it is, we put extra efforts in the emotional part of this).

Polyamory to be depicted as realistic, is a delicate thing, and as I said above, one of our main characters is not polyamorous, one of them is (and the third one ehh I won’t reveal rn), so you can expect to see both sides of it: someone comfortable about how he feels and how he sees his (supposed/potential) relationships, as well as someone who’s confused, trying his best, but in the end, really uncomfortable about the possibilities. No side/identity is portrayed as being better than the other, or as being more correct than the other. But the ‘polyamory is the solution for love triangles’ is definitely not what we want here. Because polyamory can’t be forced, being polyamorous is NOT a decision (if you’re queer, you know what I mean). At the same time we’ll have the picture of a polyamorous person being happy in a monogamous relationship (or with only one partner, if you prefer), we’ll have someone that doesn’t have as lifegoal a romantic relationship (except if it’s WITH ONE VERY SPECIFIC PERSON). Could he be read as aro? No. (But you can read him like that, if you want). His lack of romantic interest in general is part of his upbringing, the part of his culture that his life is based upon, and some more circumstances, but it’s not an identity. Could he be read as ace? A bit, but not really. Same explanation about the aro identity. We had long discussions about how these labels are useful HERE, but they wouldn’t be the case depending on a person’s culture and upbringing.

So yeah, this character that is not polyamorous won’t be labeled as this or that, he’s just himself, that’s all. I’ll leave to the readers to see what they want to see there in him (and please, don’t try to push on me - an ace and married person - this harmful idea that aro and/or ace people can’t/shouldn’t be in a romantic/sexual relationship).

All that said, this fic is not about polyamory, like some of my other fics and several of Tazzy's other fics. That's not part of the central themes, it's the identity of one of the main characters and may or may not influence (for better or worse) their relationships in the future.

[katyspersonal]

*voice of a guy who fails to be on hiatus even if he needs one* Hey, actually recently a topic of difficulty in Soulsborne games came up for me o: And I even had the pleasure of disagreeing with a person who was mature about their point of view! I just thought I'd make my own post, and for starters I want to link a video that lines up with my opinion on the matter very well too!

Despite what it might look like, I do not dwell on this guy's channel, but exclusively see his videos on Fromsoft's games x)

But personally, I agree with the notion that character's difficulty IS part of their lore too! That epiphany mostly came when I took over 70 attempts to defeat Malenia, who, I remind, "has never known defeat", so her being so hard at her lowest as she is falling apart was... very telling. There is a difference between just hearing the person is strong and feeling it yourself when they beat your ass, and I think this experience is a good thing to have!

There is also a selfish and possibly petty reason I have that is better described as "gatekeeping the normies". From my experience, most people who are upset at how hard these games are not genuinely invested fans that just don't vibe with having to die 600 times to learn more interesting lore but casual people who want to, as they call it, "consume currently popular media" to be able to create "relevant content" 🤦‍♂️ Wanting to be in the loop is just not what genuine investment and caring is about.

Miyazaki stated they were not adding difficulty levels because they wanted to present the challenge everyone would overcome in the style that fit them individually as a player! It feels like he is an indie dev without being an indie dev for me; caring not about attracting more players, but about giving experience he WANTS to give! Personally, it is exactly what I want from any creator - to be unapologetically themselves rather than trying to be convenient for more people! Some games are just not for everyone, and it is okay! Thing for everyone is a thing for no one, in the long run. Heck, I am so horrible at playing From's games that even my friends would laugh at me if they saw me streaming :/ What fits me as a player is to show resolve grinding stats (I listen to podcasts meanwhile xD), or coming up with absolutely insane strategies no normal person would come up with fshfhsd

At the same time, there is a large community of gamer dudes who not only defends absence of easy mode in these games more than I do, but also insist on creating artificial difficulty and will mock a fellow gamer for like using Mimic Tear or Comet Azur ffs. I do not go there, but people who built their self-worth on overcoming this challenge and thus feel personally attacked if someone plays the game with "imbalanced" weapons/builds, or, heck, creates and uses photo and deaggro mods. You can probably see from my posts that for me this sort of people is nearly like just a scary legend, when for others it is the reality they delve into and that ruins THEIR fandom experience.. so I suppose I don't miss much not touching Reddit and Youtube in 99% of the time 🤦‍♂️ But I think that gamer bros would ALWAYS find a way to be toxic. Had Fromsoft's games HAD an easy mode, they'd still play them and find another stupid way to gatekeep, difficulty is just currently available tool for it! As usual I think the problem is not on the developer, but on the community that twists what this developer did into something awful

I guess my stance basically goes 'creators should not change their philosophy because that's what creating should be, but the community that thrives on artificial difficulty and "correct" ways to play is bad and should be discouraged from this behaviour'

[weirdestbooks]

Missouri's Medical Report (Wattpad | Ao3)

Bonus scene from A Civil Disagreement.

Missouri followed orders.

Unlike the other slave states, he was loyal. He saved lives, not destroyed them—a doctor, not a soldier. And he was a good doctor.

Even if he felt guilty about what he had done to Michigan. 

It was necessary, he knew that, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Michigan was an amputee now.

As angry as Missouri was about that fact, his temper had been soothed by Mississippi turning herself in, the guilt so strong she surrendered, even if the army she had been with didn’t. Missouri had heard she was still in the dark about Michigan’s condition. Missouri might have considered telling her, but he had been ordered against speaking to her.

And Missouri followed orders.

Martial law had helped to keep him loyal. 

So Missouri continued playing his role as a doctor, writing reports for the surgeon-general’s office and preparing specimens, like Michigan’s amputated wing, to be sent to the Army Medical Museum for further study. 

Those were his orders.

Missouri obeyed.

Any part of him that might have felt guilt over his actions, might have asked Michigan for his permission to send the wing away, was drowned out by the all-consuming bliss of martial law.

“What are you writing?” Michigan asked. Missouri had elected to write his reports by his brother’s side so he could be there if any health issues arose. While the amputation had gone well, Missouri still worried that if Michigan died from an infection, it would still be considered a death caused by another country, as Mississippi shot him, and Missouri helped to amputate the devastated limb.

There was still too high a risk that they could lose their brother forever.

“A report on your injury for the surgeon-general’s office. I’m required to write one for all my cases,” Missouri explained. Michigan shifted uncomfortably.

“Oh,” he said, looking perturbed.

“It’s an order,” Missouri clarified. His family knew he was under martial law. Missouri had practically begged for it, so Missouri knew when he did something that might have been considered abnormal before the war, he had a reason to give.

“Do you…why did you ask for martial law, Souri?” Michigan asked.

“I needed to ensure that the traitors in my state wouldn’t corrupt me. I am happier this way, loyal,” Missouri said, letting his pen fall still as the fog of martial law began to cloud his thoughts. 

It was the most annoying thing about martial law, but Missouri knew it was important. When he wasn’t sure if it would affect what he was doing, he would take a small break from it, something that helped soothe his mind. 

Despite its flaws, martial law was…so nice. 

Michigan stayed silent, and Missouri looked over to him.

“Why are you asking?” Missouri asked. Michigan sighed.

“I don’t know…I’ve just been thinking a lot. It’s all I really can do,” he muttered, crossing his arms and looking away from Missouri. Missouri frowned before reaching over to pat Michigan’s hand. He knew he probably should be able to think of more ways to comfort him, but his mind couldn’t think of anything, with all his emotions numbed to allow him to do his work and forget about the traitors.

“You’ll get better soon. I promise. Mississippi will face justice for what she did, and everything can…” Missouri almost said that things could go back to normal, stopping himself as he realized, no, they couldn’t.

Things would never go back to normal.

“Everything can get better. Once the war ends, things will get better,” Missouri corrected. Michigan still looked unconvinced.

“I’ll never get better,” he said. Missouri sighed, picking up his pen and continuing his report. Before martial law, a part of him might have been concerned with handing over information about his family to humans, but he knew the information was going to go into good hands, be used to help teach people about medicine and learn more about the human (and countryhuman) body. 

So, he continued his report while trying to offer his medical knowledge to Michigan. 

“If you were destined never to heal, brother, you would have died when Mississippi shot you. You’re healing, and you’re surviving, even if you are down a wing. You will…you will continue to get better,” Missouri reasoned. Michigan was silent, and Missouri looked up from his report to check on him, seeing his face twisted into a frown. Deciding not to pry into whatever was upsetting him, Missouri turned to his report as he began to detail Michigan’s experiences after his surgery. 

“How would you feel?” Michigan then asked, voice somewhat angry, “If you found out you could never fly again?”

Missouri blinked, processing the question. He loved flying, as all his winged siblings did. He didn’t—he wasn’t sure how to answer that. Losing flight was one thing, but Michigan’s was different. He lost his wing serving his country.

Yet, Missouri knew how badly he wo—

If you are hurt in service to your country, any injury that comes from that is worth it.

Martial law seemed to whisper to him, cutting off any thoughts and soothing any fears he might have had.

“If I lose a wing in service to my country, then it is not a loss. It is proof I am loyal,” Missouri ended up saying after a few minutes of silence before turning to Michigan with a small smile. “It hurts now, but you didn’t lose them for a stupid reason. It shouldn’t have to be a bad thing.”

Michigan scoffed, crossing his arms.

“I don’t know why I expected you to understand,” he said. The words hurt, but Missouri tried to extend understanding to his brother. He knew Michigan was hurting. Missouri had been treating him since that terrifying day when he fell from the sky.

“I’m trying to, Michigan,” Missouri eventually responded before standing up. “I need to finish my reports. Have a nurse fetch me if your condition seems to get worse.”

Missouri felt bad about leaving Michigan behind, but he knew that the conversation was only going to keep turning for the worse. 

He tried to help, but Missouri treated wounds, not hurt feelings. Michigan would get better with time. They both knew that.

Missouri would just need to give him space.

[worshipper-status]

Literally so happy because my God is actually excepting of my obsession, but I’d kinda like to know how to worship him better less directly? (Ie. tips on digital alters/general worship tips?)

An excuse to ramble! Thank you :D

Worshipper's Guide to Indirect Worship

This is going to be my sfw guide for less direct methods of contact and digital altars, I may make an nsfw guide at some point on my own as a counterpart to this but for now...

(long post below)

Digital Shrines

Digital shrines are a good format for indirect worship, because you can curate it from anywhere, and no one will know. Technically I have two digital altars but one is more a back up of the other. One is I have a folder on my computer that contains all the media of the shrine, and the shrine itself is on my personal discord server. Usually I separate the shrine itself into media, devotionals, personal devotionals, writings, and links by using different discord channels. The channels breakdown like this for me:

Media: photos and videos of solely them

Devotionals: images I find on the internet that I feel embody our relationship, media created by someone else. Also picrews usually

Personal Devotionals: Visual media I have personally made to embody our relationship and can take full credit for creating. (This is a specific folder I made just to keep my art and others art separate)

Writings: Poems, songs, rambles, gushing, fantasies, etc. Any thought you have about them that's important enough to write down, put it here.

Links: I use this as a dumping ground for ideas I got from articles, purchases I want to make, or anything that requires a link to something else but directly relates to my worship of My Goddess.

Tumblr can also be a general dumping grounds kind of shrine, where I would not be too honest tbh, but it's a start. I prefer keeping my shrines private for the most part. My general advice is to stay away from tumblr for everything because you're not going to feel 1000% comfortable expressing your worship to its full extent because of the possibility of it being found by strangers. Also some things are just tmi to be honest. I have writings in my folder documenting times me and My Goddess have banged in detail so I don't forget. Tumblr doesn't need that kind of detail on here. So try and keep shrines at least somewhat private for your own sake. People are dicks.

As for advice for things to do to worship indirectly (and this goes hand in hand with the shrine a little bit) here's a list with general advice and ideas:

Scrapbook/Junk Journal about them (I'm biased this is a personal favorite of mine). Get a notebook, some scrapbook supplies, and either dedicate it to photos of your beloved or journal about any time you guys interact in ways that feel meaningful to you! I keep one physical scrapbook that I use for collages for My Goddess's photos, and am planning to start a junk journal for more writing purposes. I'll probably solely be using it to write about personal interactions with My Goddess, and on slower days, things I love about Her in general. It's both kinda a traditional journal and a part of my obsessive behaviors. You can also do stuff like this digitally with moodboard and collage makers like Canva which have free options.

Document about them. This is kinda vague so I'll explain. As part of my shrine, I have a document I'm building dedicated to bullet note points about My Goddess. If She randomly drops a fact on me about Her childhood, or Her interests. I write it down there so I don't forget. I want to be a good worshipper so I want to be an expert in everything about Her. I usually use a note taking app for this that I can organize into subgroups. Notion is a favorite of mine (despite them selling their soul to the AI overlords sigh) because it allows a lot of creative freedom in organizing the documents AND it's linked to my email so I can't lose it. Obviously, a google doc will accomplish the exact same thing, however my entire personality type is best described as extra, so I have to do things with extra effort at all times.

Write for them. This is where my pagan background kicks in a little bit, but in certain pagan traditions, especially stuff like Hellenic Polytheism, writing hymns or poems or songs for the gods was very important to their practices. So why not write those things for your God? It doesn't need to be shared, it can be bad, it can be whatever it wants to be. What I usually do, is I write poems for My Goddess, and keep them in my junk journal or digital shrine, depending on if I'm working physically or digitally, and if I'm feeling brave I'll share it with Her, but most times, they stay hidden in the depths of my shrine stuff.

Biggest overall piece of advice, create for them. Nothing shows devotion, quite like the personal experience of making something for someone else even if they never see it. Honor the Gods with the act of Creation, ya know?? It doesn't even have to require you to be good at drawing or whatever. Are you someone who gardens? Name a plant after them. Like makeup? Figure out what makeup styles they prefer on your chosen gender and wear those all the time, even if they're not there to see. Sewing? Make a stuffed animal of them. Speed runs? Dedicate every run to them, create a record for them. It can be as big or as mundane as you want and none of it has to be outwardly expressed to the other person. Just dedicate whatever hobby you have to them, and suddenly you'll have tons of shrine material.

Now for the quick part, of this!

General Worship Tips! (These are more indirect tho)

When getting dressed, pick outfits you know they'll appreciate. (Just please don't sacrifice your personal style for this)

Capitalize their name/title no matter what. They deserve the respect of one extra button push.

Write letters, even if you live close, even if you see them everyday, and even if you never send them. Use this as a format to express your emotions unbarred.

Save every photo they send you of themselves. If you need to edit people out of the photo do it, but you better be saving every instance of themselves they give you.

Fill your space with things that express yourself yes, but also have stuff that reminds you of them. Do they have a favorite animal? Buy those kinds of stuffed animals. They say they like certain types of aesthetics? Put some of that decor in your space.

I don't paint my nails, but if you do, paint them their favorite color.

Have dedicated jewelry pieces for them. While My Goddess did not give it to me, I have a memory of them associated with a bracelet I wear every single day. You can just buy a piece of jewelry and assign it as a symbol to them. They don't have to know.

Interact with their interests, with passion. Do your best to care about everything they care about. It'll give you guys tons of stuff to do, and help you understand them better.

Make pinterest boards dedicated to certain moments you want i.e. first date, wedding, future house/apartment dreams, pets you want with them, nursery room ideas, etc.

Make playlists dedicated to them.

Alright that's all I really have for right now! I hope some of this advice has been helpful and at the very least legible lol. I hope everything with you and your God goes well! If you want any more advice do not be afraid to ask me more questions :)

[zeephyre]

CR3 EPISODE 78 SPOILERS

god. i love this fucking campaign. this one's gonna be long as shit.

despite how genuinely depressing this episode was, it also made me really giddy because i love hurt/comfort and there's no point of that if there's no hurt or angst.

im probably gonna go down the line with each member of bells hells, discussing what i can remember off the top of my head, i hope i don't forget anything in my rambles cause this was one of my FAVORITE episodes of the whole campaign and that's saying something.

i love ashton. i have loved ashton the most since the very beginning and for a lot of it i was really worried that ashton was deliberating running from opening up with bells hells while also going out of their way to have one-to-one convos with different members that were deep and insightful but never went as far as they needed to.

i am projecting a bit with analysis of ashton but taliesin does it best when rp'ing for ash and generally talking abt him in interviews. ashton reminds me of myself, which is not a compliment and is actually really terrible. ironically enough, ashton said the same thing abt fcg. i have spent a lot of time hurting myself by sabotaging the things i love, or embracing the worse parts of myself simply because it's become habit. there's always going to be a piece of you that finds the sadness, anger, guilt, emptiness, whatever -- comforting because it's all you've known.

ashton mourns a life that he never lived. i find myself mourning versions of myself that i would hate but still...yearn for them like an itch or an ache that comes from hurt. ashton wanted their family back, in whatever desperate, corrupted way he felt he should have done it, and hearing how he described feeling like he looked past the cautionary tale simply because he thought the pain they caused him should have meant something else made me think of imogen.

beautiful, sweet, powerful, dangerous, sad imogen temult. i won't comment on how everyone berated ashton because that's not really surprising nor was anything imogen said or did pertaining to ash shocking whatsoever. but... there's smth abt the destruction that ashton did to feel close to the idea of a family that doesn't really exist that just parallels so well with the fight that imogen has been undergoing since childhood. against the red storm, now against the call of ruidus, and the temptation and attachment she felt and still feels to her mother, despite everything liliana has done that jeopardizes everything imogen is fighting for.

abandoned by her mother, shunned by her own town, ignored and feared by her father.

going back to ashton again, there's smth to be said abt the guilt and shame that comes from making horrible choices that put yourself and the ppl you love in danger that forever changes the way they perceive you. I've done it. i had to fight to make things better. it can't be enough to love someone enough that would die for them, you have to fight to stay alive. if not even for yourself, for THEM.

i know it can be unhealthy to rely on others so much, but it's certainly not easy to fight for yourself when the foundation isn't there. learning how to love without throwing yourself on a blade is more important than self sufficiency. that comes afterwards.

i...don't like laudna's reliance on delilah briarwood this episode. i... there's smth very ironic about laudna being worried abt ashton's betrayal and the way he hurt her and the others with his deception and selfishness, coupled with my understanding of the absolute fucking insane, borderline stupid danger of even SPEAKING to delilah briarwood, let alone working WITH her.

i think it's hypocritical, but i don't feel any animosity towards laudna. just..sadness. delilah is a parasite. a disgusting, cruel, evil bitch who wants laudna to be... that weak little girl easily crushed under her thumb. she may preach abt laudna's latent power and potential, but laudna won't serve her purpose if she TRULY gains the strength to cast delilah aside forever. i don't think delilah was telling the truth abt their fates last episode, and that's why i so deeply want laudna to toss aside that defeatist mindset that has only gotten worse since episode one. maybe im wrong, maybe delilah was actually being genuine.

i kept watching imogens/laura's face during laudna's moments speaking with delilah alone, and it just made me sad because she didn't need to be alone. she had imogen, but she still felt the need to run and hide away. god i just want her to be happy.

i really liked the doll she made for ashton, even though delilah made it really creepy for no reason, the dramatic cunt she is. her assessment of ashton as being a child may seem rude or even a projection but to me it's the truth. ashton has not grown past his childhood. past abandonment and pain and mistrust and love that never lasts and always hurts. that shit followed them to adulthood and anyone who has any number of mental illnesses and childhood trauma will tell you that it's so easy to feel yourself stuck as a reactive, stubborn, bitter little kid trapped in a shitty cycle of pain. both ashton and laudna this episode felt like they were both broken, sad children interacting. laudna clinging to comfort from delilah, hiding away, mentally reverting to the person she was the last time she was in whitestone. ashton, clinging to his lost childhood and the acceptance of laudna's doll, the admittance that they'd never had a doll before. god... they're so sad, im gonna scream.

fcg apologizing for forcing faith down ashtons throat was sweet and so was ashton apologizing for being so bitter abt fcg's faith. now i just need fcg to apologize for the multiple instances where he put laudna in danger by casting turn undead with no acknowledgement of laudna afterwards.

fcg saying that ashton didn't love anyone or care about anyone hurt me a bit, because while i understood why they were saying those things, it was so... obviously untrue. before all of this, ashton has shown again and again and again how much he loves bells hells, and especially fcg. i know that ashton almost dying over smth so arrogant, desperate and foolish would make anyone question what someone's idea of "love" is, but still. it stung. maybe because i have been there. i know what it's like to be doubted and mistrusted because you ruined smth good callously and carelessly.

chetney... chetney really loves fearne. i don't care if y'all don't get it or if y'all still think chet is some joke character with no substance, I never understood that shit and i simply never will. chet and fearne probably have the best relationship in all of bells' hells -- and yes, that includes imogen and laudna because god knows those two have shit brewing under the surface that needs to be HANDLED, i.e: laudna being defeatist abt their relationship even tho it's barely begun.

chetney's a good man. him going after fearne was the best choice and im glad he gave her a couple laughs before she went off to wander. he cares about her so much, and he BELIEVES in her so much, and i love them. i LOVED the way he went in on ashton. hurting fearne by making a shitty decision and letting her bear the burden of watching ashton die right in front of her was... bad. it is very complicated but, that's pretty cut and dry.

i like him testing ashton again and again. telling him to leave but also being glad they chose to be brave and stay, and face the consequences of their actions. attacking ashton to see what all of any of that shit was even for. (im a little bummed that the shard didn't fully wake up yet but...i love the suspense im just impatient).

FEARNE. CALLOWAY. i love fearne, and i love the breakdown during the first part of the episode. it was such a raw moment and it established the tone of the episode so quickly. im glad that fearne knows that while ashton fucked up royally, her rejecting of the shard and complacence in ashton's plans was also royally stupid. i don't think her being terrified of taking the shard is bad or stupid, it's actually one of my favorite fearne character choices. no one ever actually asked her WHY she didn't want it, and when she said she didn't want it, it was still decided by the hells that the shard would go to fearne. (they're very shit at communication, poor babies). im happy that she specifically clarified that ashton did not threaten or manipulate her (plus he gave her many opportunities to not be involved with his bullshit if it made her uncomfy so im hoping the insane critters who keep treating ashton like some evil, predatory person finally stfu).

fearne being so scared of a version of herself that was sad, lonely, and "evil" to the point that she chose to believe that it was ashton's destiny to take in both shards is so... so rich. i hope she talks about that more in the next episode because i don't think she's EVER brought it up since exu. i don't think the shard would change fearne's personality but god the fact that SHE is so afraid of herself and what she's capable of.... AHHHH. love this damn party.

i hope liam knows that expect really painful roleplaying from him when he comes back cause i really do need ashton and orym interactions like i need air.

the choice to go to the fey realm was brilliant and i missed nana morri so it's a win for me. bells hells COULD have done what they've been doing for a while now, which is ignoring the pain they're all feeling and pushing forward, but ashton doing what they did was the straw that broke the camel's back and im GLAD because i have been begging them all to have real conversations with each other that don't get cut short prematurely for whatever reason.

i do hope that they do really lean into the self care aspect involving therapy and talking through their issues with ALL of the members present or even in groups, and it isn't just fun and games. they're prone to distraction. i love my little guys.

:( two weeks without bells hells. is it thursday, yet???

[inquisitornocturn]

NSFW alphabet no.5 - Ketheric Thorm

After taking a much needed break from writing, I am easing back into the flow of things by resuming these little series. I still have quite a number of them to do, but here's another one.

This time I thank lovely and amazing @makethemworse for the suggestion!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

As General of Myrkul’s armies, Ketheric doesn’t have time or, honestly, a reason to make sure that you’re alright. He will just try his best not to break his favorite toy and if that happens to be you – congratulations, you will come out of it relatively okay and capable of taking care of yourself afterwards without the need for Ketheric to spend his precious time tending after you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Ketheric, the old fashioned man that he is, appreciates breasts the most, and the rounder and bigger they are, the better. Man likes good handfuls and to fondle them unlike stress balls pillows either during sex or afterwards (if he feels lazy enough to stay in bed for a while). On himself he of course commends a good appreciation of his cock, worship aspects especially being a soft spot for the General.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Considering he’s undead, Ketheric is aware that maybe, just maybe, coming into a living being isn’t the grandest idea, especially if he wants to keep you around, so he prefers not to come inside or, alternatively, will work something out himself or with Balthazar so that you can live through creampies and swallowing his cum during blowjobs. When that happens – everything goes.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Roughness with which Ketheric often fucks doesn’t really come from his scorn towards gods, being undead or a General. He always had fantasies about ropes and rough play, but never brought them up with Melodia, not wanting her to think that her husband is a freak or not who she thinks he is. You, however, get to experience all his fantasies, new and old, but he will never admit that this has been in him for a long time, blaming his “cruelty” on his history. You know better though.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Considering Ketheric has several children and had a wife he loved very much – he truly knows what he’s doing and he knows how to get you off efficiently enough to make your knees weak afterwards. Long story short – you don’t need to tell this man where the erogenous zones are and how to exploit them, he knows.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary because he likes to see the face of who he is fucking. Your expressions, moans, both of pain or pleasure (sometimes at the same time), is the favorite book he likes to read. Lay on your back and spread your legs, that’s all he needs from you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

You would rather catch Ketheric dead for a third time than witness him being playful or goofy. He’s a man scorned and on a mission. He fucks to retain his humanity and to show you whatever appreciation he has for you, but it’s an act of exchange and not of communion That, for him, is if you support his crusade against the world or not.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Being a half-elf, Ketheric is decently hairy but not too much so and grooming for him is far beyond priority, specifically after Melodia died, but he’s still not the hairiest man alive, given his elven bloodline so it’s manageable and doesn’t look untidy. Basically, you get the best of both worlds.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Despite sex being an exchange for Ketheric, he does tend to get softer during sex, but only very rarely. He will whisper encouragements and tell you how good you’re doing, but he has to be in a very specific mindset to show you this side of him. Yet when it happens – it’s always amazing and precious, making you both, despite Ketheric not wanting to admit, feeling so much closer than before.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Doesn’t. Just doesn’t see the need. The only reason he is even having sex is because of you, otherwise sex is a non-existent interest of his.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Tying your legs and arms apart, because it gives him total control. Sometimes, if he’s in particularly foul mood or if you failed whatever task you have been charged with – he will also put a rope around your neck, slowly chocking you as he fucks you as “punishment”, remaining most likely willingly ignorant that it’s not really the punishment he thinks he is.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His war room at Moonrise Towers for sure, because that’s where his bedroom is and he feels the safest from enemies, surrounded by his armies of living and dead. Moonrise being the seat of his power overall, that’s where Ketheric also feels more virile.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Ketheric does almost everything out of anger at this point of his (un)life, so fucking you can come off like that, especially when he frames it as such verbally, however, his motivation is to keep the only person he feels close to satisfied and make you feel appreciated in the way that he finds sufficient. It also reminds Ketheric of his humanity, which, despite everything, he does not want to forget or drift too far off from.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Public sex of any kind. To him appearances and his image are everything and Ketheric would not risk tarnishing it.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Very much prefers to get, but if you beg real nice and bat your eyelashes at him, the General will oblige your wishes, looking all unhappy about it, but secretly he enjoys tasting you in any shape or form, either with kisses or otherwise, because it makes him forget the taste of ash and death in his mouth in the best way possible.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Not too fast, but not too slow and definitely on a rougher side, just because he wants to demonstrate power, even while alone with you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Only, and this is underlined, only if you manage to convince him to do so, which is almost impossible. Ketheric is organized and focused on his goals, so if he doesn’t have time or a wish to fuck, then it’s very hard to coax him into doing so. When and where you have sex – is always up to him to decide.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Ketheric won’t bother to discover new things in the bedroom when he knows that what works already doesn’t need fixing so you’re pretty much on your own trying to convince him to do anything than what he is used to doing. He might indulge you from time to time (being dead for so long can get so boring), but don’t bring anything too crazy to his attention, that will receive a harsh no.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Oh he can go, question is can you? He’s an undead necromancer, he has as much stamina as he can allow himself and that can amount to rounds that a living partner might not survive. So to preserve you, Ketheric won’t go to the extremes of what he’s capable of, but you definitely won’t be disappointed.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

When he’s in a mood he might fuck you with a handle of a dagger or some similar shaped object, but that’s pretty much as far as he will go with toys. Don’t even suggest doing that to him, you might end up one of the corpses in his army.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

No teasing, no need for you to beg or plead. Ketheric will take you when he wants to take you and he has no patience for games like that. However, he doesn’t forbid you from trying to tease him, but you are yet to see it work.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Moderately loud, grunting through clenched teeth is the epitome of manliness to him and that’s what you will be hearing. If you’re sucking his cock, he will speak, instructing you how to do it or telling you when you do it right, but you won’t hear full blown moans, he’s too paranoid his troops might hear him.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Despite bedroom being his favorite place to fuck for safety reasons, his next favorite spot to fuck is on the battlements right outside the bedroom, but only if he’s sure that no one will see. Seeing the Shadow-Cursed Lands span into the horizon gets him extra heated.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Little smaller than average, but he knows how to use it well, and well, size matters little when you’re folded into a pretzel.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not too high, but rarer opportunities for sex get compensated by how well Ketheric fucks you, so that even if he only comes to you a week or so later, you are not left touching yourself out of desperate need.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

You sleep, he doesn’t. Being undead has its perks (or doesn’t?), but sometimes Ketheric enjoys watching you sleep peacefully and he tries to do it when he doesn’t have to oversee one task or another. It’s rare, but it happens.

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Packmate- Ghost (Part 1).

Summary: A new ghoul is summoned to the Abbey and the ghouls get to meet their new packmate.

Warnings: unconsciousness, nudity, amnesia, angst, mentions of crying and pain.

Pairing: ghoulette!reader x nameless ghouls (possible Copia).

Word count: 1,263.

Rain's POV

Black smoke covered the summoning circle as the flickers of hellfire subsided. I eyed my Packmates, noticing the mixture of nervousness, excitement and intrigue before settling my gaze on Papa, an unreadable expression painted on his face as he studied the dying ashes of the fire. A tense air filled the room as the smoke began to clear. A curled-up body was revealed, shaking in the fetal position despite being unconscious. Once Papa broke the circle, the whole pack stepped closer to the new ghoul, curiosity getting the better of us.

"Papa," Sunshine started, wringing her hands nervously. "Are they okay?" Her voice came out as a whisper, worried she would wake the new arrival.

“Sì, mio caro, they'll be fine. The journey up is generally painful and exhausting." Papa moved to the ghoul's side, covering them with a blanket before all the smoke could clear. "To my knowledge, the journey topside leaves all ghouls unconscious, they barely remember it." We all collectively shuddered at the thought but attention quickly snapped back to the new ghoul as they let out a title, pained whimper and shifted on the Abbey's stone flags. With a raised hand, Papa motioned for us to stay back and Swiss grabbed a handful of my shirt in his excitement. We all watched, shaking with anticipation as Papa knelt before the stirring ghoul.

"Hello there," keeping his voice soft. "Can you open your eyes, little one?" Just as he had asked, bright eyes shot open, widening as they met his mismatched ones. The small body on the floor shivered and sat up slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements. They clutched the blanket around them and eyed all of us warily before lingering on our kneeling papa.

"Where am I?" Their voice was quiet and hoarse like they had been screaming and crying. My stomach clenched painfully when I realised that's probably the exact reason; they came up from hell after all.

"You're at the Ministry, little one, you were summoned by myself." He spoke slowly, so as not to startle them. "Do you remember your name?" Confusion painted their face as they tried to think of it, their face scrunching up in frustration as they shook their head. I bit back a grin as Cirrus cooed at the cuteness and Papa smiled softly.

"The ministry? As in The Clergy? Like the satanic church?" Their voice was careful like they were trying not to offend us.

"The exact one, my dear." Copia's excitement was almost overbearing for the little ghoul but they watched in wonder.

"I was on my way." They spoke matter-of-factly and the group was overtaken by confusion. "I can remember that bit, was on my way here when I died." So they already knew they had died; usually, someone had to explain and that was never pretty.

"I'm sorry. Little one." Copia's eyes clouded with emotion. "I'm sorry you didn't make it but you're here now." Some sort of comfort must have come from those words going off the little smile they gave. It was by far one of the sweetest and most beautiful smiles I had ever witnessed. "My name is Copia, these are my ghouls and ghoulettes." Everyone offered a greeting or a smile as we were introduced and multiple cheeks tinged a pinky-grey within moments.

"I don't know my name." The statement was filled with pain and a bristle of hurt cascaded over the pack. "Will I ever remember?"

"We never remembered ours," Aether's eyes widened as their face fell in sadness. "But that could different for you. It varies." He rushed out.

"And we picked ours based on our elements." Cumulus pitched in. "Mine is a type of cloud formation because my element is air, and Rain because he's a water ghoul and so on."

"So, what's my element thing then?" Her eyes lit up with hope, only to dull with disappointment.

"It's not that simple. It can take time to appear and even then it could be different. Like me, I'm Swiss because I'm a multi-ghoul. Get it? Swiss Army knife, Swiss army ghoul." They let out a little giggle and we all collectively melted a bit.

"And I'm a quintessence ghoul, hence the name Aether." They nodded along and brought their attention back to Papa.

"So we can wait for my name for now?"

"Of course, little one, as long as you're happy with nicknames." His teasing didn't go unnoticed by the new ghoul as they seemed to relax a bit. "Now shall we show you to your new home?" The new ghoul cocked their head for a moment but their eyes soon lit up with excitement. We all froze as they jumped up from the stone floor, trying to avert our eyes in any other direction, even Dewdrop was fighting not to look. Papa gasped softly before panicking and pulling the ghoul towards his chest in a brainless and desperate attempt to cover them up. They let out a squeak of surprise and braced their small hands against his shoulders, eyes wide with shock.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to move so quickly." The quiver in their voice made my chest ache but I brushed it away.

"No, no little one." Copia was hopelessly flustered and I swore I could almost see his blush through the white paint. Swiss and Dew snickered, hitting each other's arms playfully. "It's not that, it's more the fact that you're entirely naked and that blanket was the only thing protecting your dignity."

Our new ghoul, ghoulette possibly, had female anatomy going off the breasts that were pressed firmly against Copia's front in a lame attempt to hide their assets away. A shiver ran through them as they sensed our eyes on their back and tried to cover themselves even more.

"So, you're a woman too huh?" Cirrus grinned toothily at the small ghoul, winking as they peeked over their shoulder at her.

"Yeah, is that not a good thing?" Sunshine giggled at the question, leaving Cumulus to give her an amused look that told her to behave. "Cos most of you are guys, right? There are only you three ladies so I don't want to have messed anything up by being the wrong gender." The new ghoulette rambled for a moment, a panicked tone in her voice.

"No, silly, it's perfectly fine, we just didn't want to call you by the wrong gender and pronouns if that's not how you identify." To others, this might have seemed stupid and trivial but our pack cared about making sure others were comfortable. "And just for reference, you could never be the wrong gender."

"Oh, okay, that's good." She sighed in relief. "I'm good being called a woman." She seemed to have forgotten her nakedness for a second until Mountain moved to pick up the crumpled blanket. Her eyes widened as she watched the huge ghoul gently drape it over her tiny body. Clutching it around herself, she turned and craned her neck to thank him. He towered over her, almost menacingly, and made her look even smaller than we already knew she was. Even without standing them together, I could tell she was smaller than even Dewdrop and he was the smallest, albeit feistiest, in our pack.

As we walked in the direction of our den, I couldn't help but wonder what the others thought of her and if they thought the same as me.

I could only hope they wanted her to be part of the pack as much as I did.

[corrodedseraphine]

timezone | #1 only thing that keeps us apart is a different timezone

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

chapter summary: Despite the love that is between you, the time has come to part ways with Eddie so that he can fully enjoy the wild chase of his dreams.

TW: smut (or an attempt to write one) but very tiny metion of it because I am not good at writing it I am sorry if it's bad

the story is also avaliable on ao3

masterlist | eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

This chapter is a little short, but I hope it's not too bad! You can expect an explanation of the situation with Chrissy in the next chapter, I hope you don't feel discouraged by it. Moreover, I apologize for the poor attempt to write smut, writing such things is still new to me

When you woke up it was still dark. It couldn't have been earlier than 2 am. His arm hugged you around the waist and from behind you you could hear quiet snoring. Feeling like you were thirsty, you slowly released yourself from the embrace and dressed some old Eddie's T-shirt that was lying on the floor by the dresser. Somewhere in the darkness you also managed to find your panties on the floor among the rest of the clothes scattered on it. The night was pleasantly quiet and peaceful. No screams or sudden noises or crackling. Just the quiet hum of the wind. Leaving the room you went down to the kitchen and poured two glasses of water, you knew that when Eddie woke up he would whine that he was thirsty. When you returned he was lying on his back snoring even louder. You just smiled and shook your head. You remembered how at the beginning of your relationship, during your first nights together, this snoring was unbearable. You were able to wake up several times in one night and then him only to have him roll over on his side, because then at least he didn't sound like an old tractor. Who would have thought that one day you would miss it. Despite the fact that he was at your fingertips you already felt a longing that crushed your heart. The thought that this was your last night together was like a death sentence. It was the last time you could feel the warmth of his body and hear his voice directed only to you. 

When Eddie recovered fully from his experiences in the Upside Down Dr. Owens activated some of his connections and managed to get Corroded Coffin a contract with one of the music labels in New York. Without a second thought, they immediately accepted the offer. It was the fulfillment of their dreams. For you and Robin, he managed to ensure a place at the University of California, which you also agreed to, knowing that this was your only chance to escape Hawkins and if it weren't for this you probably would never have been able to afford college in your lives. Steve, to everyone's surprise, turned down the offer to go to college. Instead, with a little help from Owens, he managed to open a bar on the beach in California, which very quickly became one of the most popular. 

Thus, a new door opened before you, but it led to two opposite ends. You loved Eddie with all your heart, so no matter how much it hurt you wanted him to realize his dreams, to enjoy life as much as he could, so after many hours of conversations, you both came to the conclusion that you would take a break. You didn't want to be the reason he had to limit himself, and you also preferred to avoid situations that could get out of hand if you still stayed together and tried a long-distance relationship. You wanted him to have a full rockstar experience. Never in your life would you want to be the reason why he should regret holding back from something solely because of you. So this solution seemed to be the most reasonable for you. 

"Babe?" his sleepy voice snapped you out of your reverie. 

"I'm here, I went to get water, you want some?" you asked handing him a second glass. 

"You are wearing my old clothes." he said taking a sip.

"Do you want them back?" you asked raising an eyebrow.

"You wear them better." he replied smiling charmingly. 

"Today is a full moon, maybe that's why I can't sleep." you said looking at the open window from which you could see the moon. "The moon looks beautiful." 

"Sweetheart, every time I see your face, the moon should be jealous." 

"Charming as always." You laughed quietly and sat next to him on the bed. "I'm gonna miss you so much." you whispered while placing your hand on his cheek. "So fucking much." 

"I will miss you too." he took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "Don't forget me please."

"I will never forget you Eddie Munson. How can I forget someone I gave my heart to?"

"I love you. You and only you. Remember about it, always, no matter what happens..." he grabbed your hand and placed it on his chest. You felt a gentle, rhythmic beating under your palm. "...It beats only for you. No one else. Only for you." 

Was that possible? Despite the fact that somewhere out there in the world there were millions of beautiful fans waiting for him, ready to do a lot to be at his side, could his heart still remain yours? 

"I know what you're thinking about baby." he took your chin and directed you so that you were looking straight into his eyes. "This will only be a temporary break, we'll both get a little fun, I'm sure you'll make more than one surfer or nerd's head spin." he laughed.

"Eddie!" you playfully jabbed him in the arm.

"What? Have fun babe, because sooner or later you're going to have to break all their hearts when we find each other again, because your heart belongs to me and mine belongs to you. This is not a forever goodbye baby. Only temporary." You wanted to be as sure of all this as he was. You also struggled to hold back the urge to give up your college just to fly with him to New York, but that wasn't a good idea. Your presence in this adventure would only be a limitation. "Besides, I won't let you forget about me, I'll call you every hour just to tell you that I'm losing my mind without you." He pulled you closer by smacking you on the lips. "You are the love of my life, nothing will change that. After I finish my first tour, the first thing I'll do is buy Wayne the little house he's always dreamed of." he chuckled. "And when the second one is over, I will immediately get on a plane and fly straight to California, buy a ring with the most beautiful diamond in the world and put it on your finger, of course, if you agree." He kissed you on the forehead. His dreams were beautiful, you were glad that you were still a part of them however you couldn't stop the thought that this vision was too beautiful to be true. 

"I have something for you..." you said with difficulty holding back tears. "I wanted to give it to you tomorrow at the airport, but..." You went to the drawer from which you took out a small box. Returning to your seat you sat down opposite him and handed it to him. Inside there was a new necklace waiting for him with a guitar pick that had your initials on it, one side was his and the other was yours. 

"Baby..." he whispered, only then did you notice that tears were also gathering in his eyes. 

"Before you put on..." you took off the ring you received from your parents for your eighteenth birthday from your hand. It was one of your favorites, it looked like the usual, a simple silver circle but sentimental significance was huge. You took the chain and gently slipped the ring over it. 

"But it's your favorite, you can't-." he said still looking at the gift. 

"I want you to have it, plus you said you would give me a new one in a while, so..." you smiled slightly. 

"Does that mean you say yes?" he grinned.

"Of course I do silly. How could I not?" 

"Help me put it on." he said turning his back to you. 

"Even if the only thing that keep us apart is seven thousand miles, I want you to remember that your home is in my heart." you said looking at the necklace as he turned to face you. 

"Come here." He grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you close so that you were now sitting on top of him with your arms around his neck. "I love you. I love you to the point of madness." he said kissing you. The kiss was needy. The clothes you were wearing were on the floor again, both of you in need of intimacy. 

His hot lips placed kisses along your neck going to your breasts, his hands wandered over your body wanting to remember every little detail. 

"I love you Eddie." You moaned right in his ear. 

"And I love you. Only you. You and olny you, my sweet angel." he replied embracing you tightly around the waist and tipping you over so that you were now under him. 

"Baby, please." you said looking straight into his eyes. "I need you as close to me as possible." 

"Me too, sweet girl." He leaned in to kiss you, and after a moment he filled you with all of himself. "You are so perfect for me, mine, only mine." he said feeling you wrap your legs around him. 

"Only yours." you repeated.

That night you made love like there was no tomorrow. You couldn't count all the declarations of love that came out of your mouths. With desperation you wanted to be as close as possible to each other as if you wanted to stockpile feelings of closeness for the time of separation which was approaching mercilessly fast. Every I love you from his lips you wanted to lock in a jar and keep for all the coming nights filled with emptiness and longing. Eddie felt the same way, despite his joy and excitement that his dreams were about to come true he too couldn't hold back the tears when outside the window you witnessed the dark night slowly turning into soft shades of orange and the first rays of sunshine already greeting you over Hawkins. Holding each other in your arms, you both wanted to stop time, if only for a moment to enjoy each other even longer. Unfortunately, the world was rushing unmercifully forward without bothering about the pain in your hearts accompanying one of the most beautiful sunrises. 

The rest of the morning passed you by like a fog, you barely remembered the way to the airport, the only thing you remembered was that you both sat with Eddie in the back seats constantly clingling to each other. Also at the airport you sat on his lap cuddled up to him. You didn't care about other people's stares. Gareth, Jeff, Simon, Uncle Wayne and Robin knew what was going on and understood perfectly your need for closeness. The separation of people who had the purest kind of love for each other like the two of you made it hard for them too. They looked at you with sadness and helplessness, because they knew that nothing would be able to help. When it came time to board the plane Eddie stood still, paralyzed with fear. 

"I don't have to fly." he said, turning to face you. "I don't want to go without you." his voice was breaking. "It's too hard. Ah, fuck." He wiped his tears with his hand. 

"Baby, you have to go." with all your strength you restrained yourself from bursting out crying. You had to be strong for him. "This is your dream, you have to try." you placed your hands on his cheeks.

"But you..." his breathing became more and more uneven.

"You know where to find me. I'll be waiting, I'll be your number one fan and I'll be waiting for you, always." you forced yourself to smile. "I'm damn proud of you, Eddie." 

"I love you." he leaned his forehead against yours. 

"And I love you too." you replied, kissing the tip of his nose. "Now go, go give them hell, rockstar." Laying one last kiss on his lips, you saw Gareth pat him on the shoulder, saying they had to go to the plane now. Through a blurry vision you watched him disappear into the huge line of people, and it wasn't until you saw the plane take to the air that you let all the emotions come out of you. All the way back you were crying your eyes out, Robin and Uncle Wayne, who was driving tried to comfort you from time to time, but they knew that no words could erase the pain that was gripping you.

Eddie's life turned a hundred and eighty degrees, constant concerts, parties "sex, drugs and rock and roll" style quickly took over his life, letting himself get carried away, but he was doing it within reason, he saw with his own eyes how drugs destroyed his father's life when addiction became the most important thing in his life, so he limited himself to weed, which was enough. He would lie that he didn't like the idea of groupies who were actually begging him to do what he wanted with them. The enchantment, though, quickly passed. No matter how crazy sex he had, no matter how good the alcohol he drank and enjoyed parties with the biggest stars, he still didn't feel fully happy. That's why, no matter how tired he was after more concerts and parties, he always found time to call the other end of the country at least once a day to hear your voice. The time zone was not an obstacle, he knew that he could call in the middle of the night and you would still pick up and enjoy listening to all sorts of stories and his ramblings about all the new song ideas, assuring you, of course, that the love-themed ones were about you. He didn't tell you everything, of course; you both agreed that it would be better for him to keep his adventures with groupies to himself, and you about the guys and their tanned bodies you had to deal with in California. They didn't matter to you. You both knew that no matter how much fun you had with others your hearts were on the other side of the country which still hurt. 

You, Eddie, Robin, Steve and the kids were not the only people the government had to compensate for all the trauma. Chrissy, who almost became a victim of Vecna also got her chance in New York as a spermodel. Unfortunately, the fashion world could be cruel, and the agency that looked after her decided that the best way to promote her would be to arrange a relationship with a fifteen-year older, sleazy fashion designer. Terrified by the idea, she went to the only place where she could feel safe.  Eddie had just finished talking to you when he heard a knock on the door. He looked in surprise at the girl standing there. 

"Eddie, I need your help." She said entering the apartment with panic in her eyes. Explaining the whole situation and revealing her secrets to him, she also presented the idea she had come up with. Eddie being already a bit tired of the groupies who didn't give him a break said it would be a good idea and an excuse to reject them. 

"So when do we start?" he asked looking at Chrissy who was sitting across from him. 

"As soon as possible." she replied. 

The only thing he hadn't thought through was your reaction, because as soon as Chrissy's plan saw the daylight you stopped answering your phone calls, always answered by a deafening silence. He even started writing letters, but never got a response. He was not stupid. He knew what was going on and why you were ignoring him. With pain, he had to admit that you had the right to do so. As time passed, he began to regret everything he had agreed to, however, it was too late to give up. He also knew that if he didn't agree, Chrissy would already be stuck in a bubble of unhappiness until the very end.

taglist: @i-me-mine @phantypurple

[forcedtogrow]

Can I just say your back looks sick as hell congrats on the transformation. Just worked out in your honor. Something you said about you never being lazy really stuck to me. I'm trying to be that kind of man atm. Do you mind telling us more about your mindset? I really want to hear about how you view/think of your masculinity.

I want to preface with the fact that on top of my general attitudes and dedication, ive been a higher level athlete my whole life, just not with lifting. I am no longer competing or engaging at all with the sport I was nationally ranked for that I will not name again for obvious privacy reasons, on top of my deadname being attached to it.

For me, being action oriented and solution-focused is a big part of my masculinity. I have always preferred to show my love, care, and attitudes through my strong work ethic rather than say them out loud, because words alone don’t mean a lot to me. I need to see the dedication to believe it not just hear ideas and stuff people don’t really live by. I take the responsibility of being a man very seriously in terms of taking ownership of misogyny that’s often implicit in the actions of men, and often accidental or perfunctory/baked into every day actions. When I work hard and push myself to constantly be better and provide for the people I love I feel more like a man, having a man’s body is just a wonderful bonus. I take pride in the fact most cis men do not put in the work that I do to build muscle, something I didn’t notice too much until I started T and was like hold up…most men are lazy af and not buff?? I was just only noticing the hypermasc guys cus of my own bias.

I love being a man. I love the responsibility. Masculinity is grounded in physical experience to me, like I love messing with friends and being a little aggressive as a way to connect, not in anger or anything it’s just a way to build relationships with other men that comes naturally to me. I’m stronger than a lot of cis guys that are bigger than me which shocks people, like my best friend who is 220 and looks huge but is really about the same strength as me. My relationships with men are pretty good too, and being with men I connect with makes me feel more like a man. Despite my blog and my obvious desire to be as muscular as possible (which is not ever a joke or exaggeration I am committed to this) and don’t ever make my friends feel insecure about not wanting that or caring about muscle. I won’t lift with some of them bc it’s led to people getting insecure and even resenting me (it’s NOT fair but that’s life). What I can’t stand and think is so not masculine is when other guys (mostly trans guys) are rude to me because they wish they felt confident enough and were driven enough to gain muscle like me. Jealousy is an ugly trait and makes it difficult to stay friends when they say shit like “that could never be me” or straight up getting pissed I’m naturally athletic.

This was loooong but it’s how I feel.