#and also yes i wanted ed to kiss him before he died they owed me as much at least

[i-appear-misssing]

Okay yes I get the emotional value

Like

This was meant to be ed's big emotional sendoff from piracy cause what's even the point if Izzy's not there anymore? He was the heart of piracy itself and he became such a symbol of resiliency through literally whatever and he passed that onto the crew so we get this new generation of pirates who'll carry his spirit on, but he was also the symbol of everything ed was, the legend but also the bad stuff he did and the toxicity they fueled in each other and and and and

Like everything changed when stede came along because ed was already fed up of his old life but he showed him an actual viable alternative with love and softness and acceptance and they all went through a whole journey and yes, okay, they could have kept Izzy alive cause there could have been SO MANY PLACES to take his character and I am so mad about it

But I get it. As a storytelling device I get it. I still hate the shit out of it and I hate that this season was shorter and it felt rushed and there's just not enough.....stuff. Con O'neill stole the fucking show and Izzy was the heart of it and this show deserved so much more in terms of budget and scale and.......yeah I'm mad. Hope they get a renewal but like. Without him?

[bisexual-inuyasha]

The Hook

Prompt: “Tell me to stop touching you.” “No.”

Chapter One: Meeting

Ling was supposed to be meeting his future husband. Not right now, but soon. Far too soon.

When he was a child, before his mother had unveiled the curse of his lineage, he had dreamed of love. He had dreamed of sweet arms around his shoulders. He had dreamed of his love’s hair tickling his nose while they laid under the Xing stars and fell asleep.

And now his heart was breaking.

And maybe that was why he was one bottle down on the sweet wine, shirt loose and feet bare in the gardens. His vision blurred, only a little, but that made it easier to pretend the white flowers in the arches were stars. But no amount of drunken stupor could turn alone into not alone.

Inside the palace was a feast. People chattered on without him, somehow not bothering to find him in his own party. So far away but close enough he could still hear the band’s music warbling through the night air. It hadn’t been difficult at all to slip a bottle into his jacket and disappear through the back doors.

He should have grabbed two bottles, he thought. “Maybe I can go back in and leave again.”

“Not a fan of this kind of thing?”

The voice came from somewhere above him. He didn’t feel like turning his head to see who it was. “What?”

“Do you usually make a habit of slipping away and drinking yourself stupid, or is today an exception?” A foot nudged his, the sensation of hard leather unpleasant against his skin. “I don’t think your new husband will approve.”

“Oh, shut up.” Ling closed his eyes. He didn’t recognize the voice. Whoever it was could fuck off. “If you tell on me, I’ll just run away and then what? You’ll look like the guy who ruined the first royal marriage in Xing in almost a hundred years.”

Which was only because the last emperor had married when he was barely more than a child and then not died until he was so decrepit as to be near dust. Still, so few remembered the last wedding that all of Xing was going wild for the chance to celebrate.

“I don’t envy you.” The voice got a lot closer. “Do you have more?”

Ling sighed. The empty bottle waved around, his grip tight on the neck to ensure he didn’t drop it on his head. “No. All empty.”

“Do you want more?” A clinking sounded beside him as the bottle was suddenly gone. “Or do you think you’ll get sick?”

“I am still engaged?”

“Unless the bastard drops dead of a heart attack.”

Ling could see bright blond hair, glowing dully gold in the lamplight. “Well, then. Please, give me more to drink.”

“So polite for an emperor.”

“Politeness is a whole language, and I am fluent.” Ling struggled to push himself up. “I’m only impolite to people I really like.”

“You just told me to shut up.” The blond chuckled.

“And you brought more wine. I obviously have excellent skills of perception.” Ling grabbed the bottle and greedily drank a mouthful.

The stranger only laughed again.

Ling liked the sound of it. He looked at the stranger, struggling to focus. These weren’t exactly small bottles of wine. The man was pretty.

“Thanks, though the last person to call me pretty was a lot smaller than you.” The person took a long, loud drink. Ling hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but he didn’t regret it.

“I’m not going to remember you in the morning, you know.” Ling wiped his arm across his eyes. “In case you’re trying to get some kind of favor.”

The man got quiet, his face suddenly stern. “I’m not trying to get anything from you. You just looked so… scared. When you went outside.”

Ling felt the tears gathering. Why should he care? Why should it matter to him if this stranger saw him cry? An arm wound around his shoulders and Ling cried into a warm chest.

“I’m Edward.” The bottle was pressed back into his hand. “I’m from Xerxes. Or was, I guess.”

Ling thought the name Edward sounded familiar. And if it sounded familiar to him… from Xerxes? He was too drunk to really think it through, but he had a feeling that Edward from Xerxes wasn’t just some guy. “Ed from Xerxes. Do you want to lay down with me?”

“You’re way too drunk for all that.” Ed’s arm swung away from his shoulder. Ling groaned and grabbed the arm again.

“Not like that.” Ling flung himself back, and the stranger Ed followed. “Just lay and look at the stars.”

“Those are flowers,” Ed said but it was too late. Ling was already asleep.

--

He woke up the next morning with a headache that threatened to split his face in two. His mouth was dry. Drool dried on his chin. Someone was moving just outside his view. “Lan Fan?”

“Yes?” His best friend was busy not looking at him.

“How bad did it go last night?”

“Grandfather found you asleep in the garden.” She bit her lip.

“Was I alone?” He had the shape of a memory. Of a person, kind and warm and pretty.

She burned red. She gestured on the chair beside his bed. “You were alone, but.”

A red jacket lay across the back. It was well crafted. Ling got the impression it was also very soft. Bits of grass stuck to the sleeves. “This was covering me?”

“Yes. You were clutching it quite possessively.” She hesitated. “Did… Did anything happen?”

“If I say yes, do I get to not get married?”

“Unfortunately, Sire, I think not.” She reached over and brushed his hair away from his eyes, placing a firm kiss against his forehead. “Though, the fact you didn’t turn into a mess tells me enough.”

Ling rubbed at his eyes. He yawned and tried to ignore the anxiety swelling in his chest. “Well, I guess we best get the day started.”

All his insides felt tangled and wrong. A sour taste permeated his mouth. He swung his feet over the edge of his bed, thumping his feet against the floor. The smooth wood was cold and grounding. He felt a little less wobbly now.

He ran his hand over the jacket, brushing off bits of grass from the sleeves. A lavish dining hall full of people, all there to celebrate his engagement, and only a single person sought him out. He struggled to remember the stranger’s face or his voice or anything. All he could remember was being so alone, and then not, wanting to watch the stars fade into morning. And then nothing.

“Lan Fan, do you know who this belongs to?” Ling picked the jacket up, slid it over his shoulders. It was too small.

“I don’t, Sire.” She chewed on his cheek, a habit she had when she wanted to say something but was too nervous.

“Don’t worry, I’m not. Expecting anything.” He sighed and laid the jacket back onto his chair. “I understand my duty to Xing.”

The words grated against his mouth like nails. He scrubbed the inside of his mouth with a toothbrush. Lan Fan finished fiddling with his breakfast, which he was certainly not touching, and left him to get organized for the day.

He needed to bathe. His hair was filled with small bits of twigs and grass. “Ugh.”

He didn’t have anywhere to be too early this morning. The advisors had assumed he’d be worn out from his party and would need time to recover. They were fully right, of course. Just not for the reason they’d assumed.

He poured perfume and salt into his tub, filling it with the hottest water he could stand. And he spent the next hour scrubbing the sweat and dirt and sick-sweet smell of wine from his body and his hair. Try as he might, he couldn’t scrub himself free of even the vague memories of last night.

“Hm. Red jacket, huh?” He glanced at the chair. It was a nice jacket. Surely whoever was missing it would want it back. And he owed them some kind of thanks for keeping him company. Right? “I’m sure someone knows who you belong to.”

He sat in the bath until it was cool and the bubbles had disappeared. The smell of sandalwood and fire still hung around the room, but his stomach had settled not long after he’d crawled into the water.

Mind made up, Ling pulled a simple white shirt over his head, loose and cool, and shimmied into a simple pair of dark pants. His skin felt raw, everything too sensitive and overstimulated. A dull throbbing ached behind his eyes. Pulling the brush through his hair threatened to throw him into a migraine, so he didn’t risk tying his hair back. He lay back on the bed again for who knows how long, mind drifting through what he was meant to do now and what his options really were.

The late afternoon sun was red, hovering just above setting. Ling had wasted a whole day of his freedom locked away in his room. He’d have to shake himself out of this. He gave himself a full body shake, in each of his limbs and through his hair, imagining all of this feeling falling off his body like water. His mother had taught him that technique, and usually it worked.

Maybe not so well today. Still. He grabbed the jacket from the chair, taking a chance to really look it over. Bright red, finely crafted. Mostly just a rectangle with a long, ruched sleeve holding it together at either end. The fabric was soft, woven. Stitched, very carefully, into the back was the Xerxian lion.

A memory floated up through the haze of last night. It was still soft all around the edges, not quite set, but enough that Ling thought he could at least test it out. Someone had told him they were from Xerxes… or used to be… Someone named Ed. Well, everyone from the party would still be here tonight. A Xingese engagement celebration lasted for a full week. In a usual situation, it would be a week where he and his lover did not see each other, so that they might have a chance to dedicate themselves to their friends and their families, and allow anticipation to grow for the day they saw each other again.

For Ling, the engagement party would end, and he would meet this Amestrian for the first time. From there, he was expected to be united with his husband. And his husband with him.

But already, Ling was getting the shit end of this deal. His husband had chosen him. Ling had been advised that this was a wise match--his future husband’s military strength was impressive, and the man was said to be handsome, if a bit gruff. The advisors had outlined how a marriage of this type would confirm Ling’s rule--no one would be able to challenge his proclamations any more. Not without risking the weight of the Amestrian military crushing them.

It wasn’t how Ling wanted to rule. A people loyal under threat were not loyal at all. But the clans still fought, day to day. And the people were distrustful of him and his youth. The Amestrian he was meant to be marrying was supposed to be older, experienced. It made Ling’s skin crawl.

He’d gone through hell to get here. He’d rather be miserable than let all the lives he took and all the things Lan Fan had endured go to waste. So he’d agreed. Like a man with his neck in the noose, he’d agreed.

Now, though. Now his fingers buzzed with the feel of the fabric. He hadn’t bothered to put on shoes yet. With any luck he’d be mistaken for one of the many guests around and his guards would leave him alone. If he only kept his face out of view.

He didn’t know why he was so interested in whoever owned this jacket. It wouldn’t matter. And if he was right, it would only make it worse.

He began in the west wing, sidling up behind one of his housekeepers who was nosily dusting a very dustless vase. He assumed her diligence had very little to do with the state of his Palace and several-greats-grandfather’s priceless pottery and everything to do with the very loud and unsavory sounds coming from the room behind the vase. “It’s not unusual for people to pair up at these kinds of shindigs, you know.”

Ling kept his voice low, his presence unassuming. She jumped anyway, tossing the duster in her hand clear over his head. It was quite a feat, considering he was at least a foot and half taller than her. She was mousy and plump, every bit the picture of the nosy old woman. “Sire!”

“Well, hello there. You seem quite,” he glanced pointedly at the gleaming vase, “committed to your duties. Would you mind telling me if you recognize this?”

She took one glance at the red jacket and her face relaxed. “Oh, that’s just the Amestrian alchemist's uniform.”

Ling frowned. He would have noticed that. “Are you sure? Look here, it has this lion on the back of it.”

She barely glanced back at it. “It’s been customized. But I just washed about a dozen of those. You can see here how the sleeves have been taken in, so as not to smudge the chalk.”

Ling frowned. “So, is there a Xerxian alchemist in the Amestrian alchemists program?”

“I’m sorry, Sire. Not that I know of.” She eyed the jacket again. “I can take that for you, if you’d like. It needs a good washing.”

Ling pulled it away just before she was able to grab it. He winked at her. Her lined cheeks turned bright red. The jacket flung casually over his shoulder, and he walked quickly away from her. “No, I’d like to return it myself.”

By the time he found someone else to ask, someone who wasn’t a housekeeper or cook or any other nosy body, the sun was sinking. He was nearly out of time. Dinner was starting soon, and he’d have to be dressed and suitable for addressing the people. So he was less smooth this time, when he finally stopped someone who looked not at all familiar. “Do you know whose this is?”

Immediately, he sensed danger. The person he asked grinned, their eyes way too wide and excited to be a casual reaction. Instinctively he pulled the jacket back to his chest. “Yeah, you know. I do. Hold on.”

The person turned back towards the room they’d been coming out of. “Oh, Ed! Someone has something of yours. He’s handsome, too.”

“Al, I swear to God if you’re fucking with me--”

And Ling suddenly had another memory as the golden haired man stuck his face out the door. “You are pretty.”

And then the door slammed in his face. Like, painfully. He rubbed his nose, feeling underneath for blood. Maybe it would bruise.

The door inched open, and Ling saw a still grinning Al. “Sorry about that. He’s not used to people calling him pretty. I’ll send him right out.”

Ling wasn’t standing around for long before the man returned. He covered his nose and held out the jacket. “You left this.”

“I thought you said you weren’t going to remember me.” The man scowled.

“I assume that’s why you left a clue behind?”

“You were completely shitfaced.” The scowl deepened. “I couldn’t just leave you there, uncovered.”

“I get it, you felt sorry for me. I didn’t become Emperor of Xing by getting embarrassed by stuff like that.” Ling ran his hands through his hair. “Would you like to go to dinner with me? I want to repay you for your kindness.”

Al was watching them both with a grin stretched across their face. “Your kindness, Ed.”

“Do they usually act like this?” He wasn’t sure if he was meant to laugh or if he was being laughed at.

“Yes, they do. When it’s me, at least.” Ed rubbed his hand over his face. “Well, I guess. Let’s go.”

Ling looked down at his clothes. “I’m not wearing shoes.”

“Yeah, you should take care of that.” Ed’s scowl was maybe just permanently fixed there. Was it possible Ling was making a mistake?

He’d just opened his mouth to tell Ed that he wasn’t required to eat dinner with him, if he didn’t want. Sometimes that happened too--people assumed when he asked something, that it wasn’t a real question. So he’d stopped asking for things, usually, unless it was an order. Or he was talking to Lan Fan.

Ed waved him off before he could speak, reaching for his jacket. “So, are you ok?”

Ling’s mouth snapped shut. He hadn’t expected that. “What?”

“Are you ok?” Ed gave him a worried look. “You seemed pretty messed up last night. I mean, by the time I found you.”

“I’m doing better.” Ling lied.

“That’s good to know.” Ed shrugged his jacket back on. “I don’t know how often I can get away with sneaking out to the garden with you and drinking ourselves senseless.”

Ling blushed. “Ok, well, you know. You don’t have to remind me.”

“Apparently you remembered all on your own.” Ed shook his head, his blond braid swinging behind him. “So, are you going to change, or are you planning a soft rebellion?”

A soft rebellion sounded nice. Ling did not consider his bare feet to be a soft rebellion. “I’ll be stopping by my room, briefly. Feel free to follow me if you like.”

Ling had meant it as a teasing, assuming that he’d meet Ed in the dining hall. Yet, when he headed down the hallway that led to his rooms, Ed followed behind, ticking off artifacts and paintings on his fingers. The run of his fingertips against the wall sounded unusual.

“Are you wearing… Metal gloves?” Ling paused, listening more closely.

“No, actually. The opposite.” Ed tapped his fingers purposefully on the wall. It made a loud, satisfying tinking sound “Wanna see?”

Ling quirked a brow. “See your hands?”

“Well, hand.” Ed wiggled his fingers on his right hand, a thin white glove covering whatever was making the metallic sound against Ling’s walls. Carefully, one finger at a time, Ed took the gloves off to reveal a metal hand. “See, I’m wearing cloth gloves. What you heard was me.”

Ling moved closer, nearly touching Ed’s fingertips before he caught himself. “Is it ok if I touch it?”

“I--uh, yeah? Most people just do.” Ed rubbed the back of his head with his other hand. “Thanks for asking.”

The gratitude surprised him. “It’s your hand. I wouldn’t be happy if someone just grabbed my hand without warning.”

Ed’s face split into a grin. “You know, you’re right.”

Ling shook his head, placing his hand gently against the metal. Cool, jagged edges pressed back against his palm. “Can you feel my hand?”

He didn’t look up to see if Ed responded. He brushed the tips of the metal caps with his fingertips. They weren’t sharp, like he’d expected. And the oval plate meant to be the base of the thumb was smooth, polished nearly naked by use. It was art, Ling thought to himself. He pressed his hand against Ed’s once more. Art in a more real way than Ling had ever seen--art of a person to a degree he’d never been able to accomplish. His fingers stretched out beyond the edge of the metal, his palm just a smidge wider. “My hands are bigger than yours.”

Ed coughed and pulled his hand back. “You’re... I didn’t expect you to be that interested. Usually it’s, kind of like a. Like a party trick, you know?”

“Are you nervous?” Ling had gotten too close. He stepped back and turned on his heel. “Your arm is beautiful.”

“People don’t usually have an opinion on it.” Ed frowned. “Well, unless they’re automail mechanics, but then it’s nothing like that.”

Ling laughed. “Then what do people usually say?”

Ed considered for a moment. “Nothing. They usually are surprised that I've got a metal arm, say something about how I’m an inspiration or something, and then we move on. Automail mechanics usually go all gaga and ask me for Winry’s number.”

They’d made their way to Ling’s rooms. “Do you feel like an inspiration?”

“No. Can’t say I do.” Ed tapped his fingers. “I have to say, this is an unusual conversation. Let’s change the subject.”

So Ling did. “Well, I’d best get changed. You’re welcome to come in.”

Ed followed him, quietly. Ling flitted around the room, grabbing the most comfortable, passable clothes he could get away with that night. His room still smelled of sandalwood and soap. It was a pleasant smell but heavy and perfumy in a way that made him self conscious. He glanced back after pulling his shirt off to see Ed rustling through his papers on his desk.

“Did you do these?” Ed didn’t touch Ling’s work. Instead he hovered over them, nose nearly touching the charcoal. “No wonder you called my arm art. You probably see art in a lot of things.”

Ling scrambled over to the papers, quickly placing himself between Ed and the desk. “You are an explorer, aren’t you? Ha.”

Hastily, he stacked the papers and shoved them into a drawer.

“What, you don’t like them?”

Ling groaned and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to get into how he felt about his art. He went to rub his hand over his face but flinched as his hand bumped against his bruised nose. “Ow.”

Ed scowled more harshly than Ling had seen him scowl so far. His non-metal hand reached towards Ling’s face. Ling flinched on instinct. But Ed’s touch was gentle as he traced over the light bruise on Ling’s nose.

“I’m sorry about that. You caught me off guard. I didn’t expect you to remember anything.” His thumb pushed a little too hard on the bridge of Ling’s nose and Ling hissed in pain. “I used to be able to help with stuff like this. Nowadays, I’m useless.”

“It’s just a bruise. Don’t be so dramatic.” Ling covered his nose with his hand. It was a mistake--it just hurt again.

“Jeez, no need to get all embarrassed. I’m the dumbass that slammed a door in your face.”

“You were, weren’t you?” Ling hummed, tapping his finger against his chin. “I guess that means you owe me.”

“I don’t do just any kind of favor.” Ed crossed his arms and stood defiantly straight. The pose reminded Ling of a small bird puffing out its chest. “What do you want me to do?”

“Model for me. Just real quick. Your arm, I’ve never seen anything like it. Not up close anyway.” Ling picked up a charcoal left on his desk. “All the tarnishing in the nooks and crannies, all the smooth polish of well used parts. It’s so unique to you--to the actions you’ve taken and the places you’ve been.”

Ed deflated sheepishly. “Oh, that’s all. Ok, then. I mean, I don’t get it really. It’s just automail.”

Ling grinned. “I’ll show you, after I’ve sketched it out.”

Ed looked uncomfortable at first. Then, Ling nudged his shirt sleeve up until the full bottom half of the automail was exposed. Carefully, Ling arranged Ed’s arm to catch the light, to show off all the worn angles. As he sketched, arranged, sketched, and rearranged, Ed settled down. He held his metal arm perfectly still, and laid his head on his other hand, and closed his eyes. Ling almost thought he was asleep, until suddenly, Ed leapt from his chair.

“Dinner!”

And then they were both jumping, Ed all but dashed out the door while Ling slung his robe on.

It wasn’t until he got to dinner that Ling remembered he wasn’t wearing shoes. “Shit.”

They were very late. Late enough that the dining room was full.

“We should have come in separately.” Ed whispered from the side of his mouth. “This is weird.”

Ling didn’t say anything. Lan Fan sat in her usual spot, his empty seat beside her. A familiar face sat across from her, grinning the same wide grin as when Ling first met them. Alphonse. So, the two of them must have been talking when neither he nor Ed showed up on time for dinner. He wasn’t sure how, but Lan Fan must have made some excuse, since everyone was eating. Even if the guests were still staring at them, at least they hadn’t been waiting to start for all this time.

Ling took his seat, careful to never drop his neutral, most royal expression. “How is the food tonight, Lan Fan?”

“Delicious as always, Sire.” Lan Fan took a large bite off her plate. “Though it would have been better warm.”

Her words bite. She’s upset at him. “I’m sorry, Lan Fan.”

Al laughed. “He’s so quick to apologize. My brother is stubborn to the end. He never says anything outright.”

Ling grinned around a mouthful of rice. “An emperor must have some sense of humility. And besides, I got carried away with him. I should have paid closer attention to the time.”

Ed sputtered. He’d forgotten to put on his gloves, so one metal hand waved around with this others. “You can’t just say--do you know how that sounds? It was just art, ok!”

“Art?” Al tapped their plate. It was already empty. “You’re not usually so appreciative of the creative process, Ed. What kept you?”

“I was modeling,” Ed’s voice got smaller and smaller, until it was difficult to hear the last word. He rubbed at his automail, face tinged red. “Anyway, what business is it of yours?”

“To the contrary, Edward Elric. It is everyone’s business where our engaged Emperor disappears to during his celebrations.” Lan Fan put her fork down. “It is something you should be aware of if you choose to become close to the emperor.”

Ling didn’t feel much like eating. She was right, and right not to sugar coat it. But it still hurt. “Usually there are fewer eyes, though it is no less true.”

“Why on earth would I care?” Ed glared at his food, alternating between chowing down on his rice and glaring at whoever dared watch him. “Al, do you want the rest of this stuff?”

Al gladly accepted the grilled pork from Ed’s plate. The rest of the night the conversation stayed civil, the stream of words flowing easily between all of them.

“You know, he draws a lot of pictures of you,” Ed pointed his fork at Lan Fan. “You do a lot of chores. He should be paying you more.”

“I am the highest paid advisor he has. In all of Xing, only Ling is better compensated.” Lan Fan narrowed her eyes. “I go around in his rooms and helping him because he is my friend.”

Ling put his fork down. “My best friend.”

Ed looked between them. “Oh.”

“Not like that, brother.” Al shook their head. “They really are just best friends. Lan Fan is super gay.”

And for some reason, the rest of the dinner, Ed was all smiles. Not a scowl in sight.

Eventually, the food and the small talk was over. People were heading to their rooms. Some were barely able to stand, some leaned a little to casually into the bodies of their partners, and some were already dozing at their tables. The housekeepers would corral the snoozing partygoers into their rooms. Ling was worn out from the previous nights drinking and the up and down of rolling depression and unacceptable adventure of the day.

Lan Fan had already gone for the night, and Al was hovering around Ed to walk back to their rooms. Ling opened his mouth to say his farewells.

“Can you show me the work you did of my arm? I never got to see the end result.” Ed didn’t look at Al. He didn’t even look at Ling. He stared off somewhere near the door, hands tossed over his head. Ling could recognize a carefully casual pose when he saw one. So could Al.

For the first time since Ling met them, Al’s grin faltered. “Are you sure?”

“Don’t be silly, Al. It’s just some pictures.”

Al paused, their face unnaturally stern. Then, they grinned again. “As long as you're sure. Be careful.”

“I didn’t even respond yet.” Ling scoffed.

“Oh, do you have something to do?”

But now the prospect of showing off his work, possibly drawing more of Ed’s arm, maybe even convincing Ed to let him draw his face, had Ling feeling wired. “Uh, well, no. But still, you should have let me answer at least.”

“I’ll expect you back sometime tonight, Ed.” Al waved and headed off to their own room.

Ed just waved himself on, following Ling as they headed back to their room.

“You got away with wearing no shoes through all of dinner.” Ed chuckled.

“Yeah, well. You can get away with a good bit when you’re emperor. People don’t want to point it out, in case it’s something you’re supposed to be doing.”

This time, the walk back to Ling’s room was heavy. There was an expectation, a shared thought neither of them wanted to voice.

“I didn’t realize you’d gotten that much of a look at my drawings. You really liked the ones I did of Lan Fan?” Ling shrugged his robe off. His room was hot, the smell of sandalwood having finally faded, but the humidity lingering.

“You’re talented. I knew who you were drawing straight away.” Ed stretched.

Ling spread the few pages of preliminary sketches he’d gotten done across the work desk. “They aren’t much. I was still working out shapes and angles when you realized it was dinner.”

“Weird how time got away from us.” Ed laughed. “Didn’t realize my arm was so captivating.”

“You are good company,” Ling tapped his charcoal against the paper. “But, now you’ve seen the pictures. I’m sure Al is expecting you.”

It was a direct challenge. Ling wondered if Ed would meet it.

“If I’m such good company, why’re you kicking me out?” Ed scowled again, and this time Ling laughed.

“You make that face too often. Let’s see if I can get a prettier expression.” Ling sidled up against Ed’s side, his lips still split into a smile. “And then maybe I could draw some more pictures?”

“Hey now, how conceited do you think I am?”

Ling darted around Ed, pushing his golden hair away with one hand while tilting his chin with the other. “I think you are conceited enough to invite yourself to the room of an engaged emperor.”

“Well, you wanted me here.”

Ling did, it was true. “Let’s get you posed then.”

“Posed?”

“Look, if you’re going to be here, I’m going to get some practice in.” Ling tapped his hand against Ed’s cheek, sliding through Ed’s hair until he’d smoothed the blond strands behind a scarred shoulder.

And so Ling took full advantage--he drew. He drew Ed’s long hair and strong jaw. He sketched the scars where the automail connected. Ed told him about nerve connectors, and his automail mechanic, and the podunk town he grew up in.

“What about Xerxes?”

“Xerxes hasn’t had a ruler in a long, long time. Eventually, we were whittled down to nothing and Amestris absorbed us.” Ed frowned, and it marred the image he was sketching. “It was going to happen eventually, but. It didn’t make it better.”

“Amestris is quite a greedy nation, isn’t it?” Ling put down his charcoal. There was something he’d wanted to do, from the moment he’d first touched Ed’s metal hand. “First it takes your home. Then it takes me, reaching its claws into Xing. Offering what we want in exchange for everything we already have.”

He slid his hand along the cool metal, pushing the arm up and away. “Can you feel my hand? Is that how the nerve reactors work?”

“A little. It’s like a pressure.” Ed narrowed his eyes at him, suspicious but not worried. “Not like when you touch my other hand.”

Ling nodded, pulling Ed’s other hand to him. He had almost a memory of Ed’s arm around him. Almost a memory of a moment. “Tell me to stop touching you.”

Ed didn’t look away. “No.”

“Then I’m not going to stop.” Ling cupped his hand against Ed’s face. And there, exactly where he wanted them, Ed’s arms wrapped around him.

Tomorrow's problems would come tomorrow. This was what he wanted now.

[writteninsunshine]

Howling Outside Your Door - Lewis Legend/Swan - SFW

Title: Howling At Your Door

Author: Reno

Fandom: Lollipop Chainsaw

Setting: Swan’s House

Pairing: Lewis Legend/Swan

Characters: Lewis Legend, Swan, Vikke

Genre: Romance

Rating: T

Chapters: 1/1

Word Count: 535

Type Of Work: Drabble, Gift for Ed-Love

Status: Complete

Warnings: Gay, Slash, Yaoi, MLM, Obsession, Zombie/Human, Undead, Necrophilia (possibly), Pre-Slash, Unrequited Love, Swan has no idea Lewis likes him

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything.

Summary: Any time apart was unacceptable.

AN: Hey guys, it’s me again! Just thought I ought to say, if you want vague updates and to talk to me more, I have a writing Tumblr, too! Twitter is Sunshinecackle, and Tumblr is Writteninsunshine! I also have a writing Discord that is currently pretty dead. xD If you want it, please contact me on Twitter!

Wow, so I’ve owed this fic to my Ed-love for like, four years. Here’s one of a few, I hope that you enjoy it, lovey! At any rate, let’s get to the fic!

Lollipop Chainsaw Fic Masterlist

Howling At Your Door

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Anxiety was leaving Lewis’ brain swimming, his grip on the couch nearly tearing the ugly thing apart. 

Swan had been in the bathroom for what felt like eons. Lewis had decided, at first, that he would stay glued to the couch no matter how long it took. No, yeah, it was fine if Swan decided to skip out on their What We Do In The Shadows marathon, that would be totally cool. It wasn’t like Lewis had set aside working on Elly, it wasn’t like he’d spend the rest of his afterlife waiting on Swan. It wasn’t like this was hurting him.

Who was he kidding? For all he knew, he’d end up with tears in his eyes. Fuck. He knew he had it bad, but he had never thought it was this bad. It was like Swan was the only thing waking up his sluggish, coagulated blood, setting it to boil every time he saw him.

With a snarl, despite himself, he rose from the couch, a loud rip of the fabric over the arm leaving him with a handful of stuffing and corduroy. Frowning at it, he tossed it to the side and stormed up the stairs as quietly as he could. One could say that he didn’t like Swan being alone for safety reasons, but everyone seemed to see right through that excuse. 

Even Vikke knew that he was ass over tea kettle for their master, and chuckled about it as he lumbered past, likely to go downstairs for something to eat. Lewis knew things had been too quiet. The bear of a man had probably been sleeping through Josey’s drug-filled videogame marathon, and now he was starved. It took so much to keep him fed.

“Go easy.” Was all he said, accent thick and voice a deep rumble, winking at Lewis before disappearing around the corner. Lewis had to try and bite down on the growl building in his throat, closing his eyes tight to get a hold of himself. It came out quietly regardless as he pressed his ear to the bathroom door to listen for anything; A breath, a heartbeat, a sob. Anything to tell him that Swan was there, that he was okay, or, worst-case scenario, that he needed his help. 

Holding the breaths he didn’t even need to take, Lewis closed his eyes, straining his ears. Nothing. For a second, he thought his undead heart skipped a beat, leaped into his throat, and plummeted to its second death in his feet. Nothing?! Why didn’t he hear him?! Something was wrong, what if he’d passed out? What if Swan had just up and died in there? He swore to Rotten World he’d shoot himself to follow Swan there.

Without a second’s hesitation, his hand flew to the faux gold knob and turned, just in time to hear Swan’s bedroom door close behind him. A little gasp left the goth, and Lewis went dead still, eyes wide as he stared at the door as if it had offended him. His lips formed a soft smile of relief and he let himself relax a little bit.

“...Lewis?” Swan’s voice was laced with confusion. Dead, yellow eyes turned to take in Swan’s outfit; he’d washed off his makeup, removed his contacts, and changed from his usual suit into a pair of soft, black satin sleep pants and a large T-shirt. Lewis’ large, white, oil-stained T-shirt, to be more precise. The one he’d been missing ever since he’d done his laundry. He wondered absently if it still smelled like him, the soap he’d used, or Swan. Even his hair had been let down, and Lewis found himself gulping softly. 

Fuck, he was beautiful no matter what he did to himself.

“Uh, yeah, kitty cat?” Finally standing straight from his hunch, adjusting his stance, he offered what he hoped was a relaxed smile. If nothing else, he felt better now that Swan was in his line of sight. He wouldn’t be leaving it again for the rest of the day if Lewis could help it. “So, that’s where you’ve been.”

“Yes? I figured I might as well change in case I fall asleep,” One brow lifting, brown eyes wrought with confusion, Swan only tilted his head as Lewis swaggered over to him, lifting his hands, “You know that I usually do after eleven.” Those hands cupped his cheeks, Lewis tilting Swan’s head one way and then the other. He had to admit, Swan’s lightly flushed cheeks and parted lips were eating away at his self-control.

“Missed you, kitty cat. That’s all.” He murmured, his voice smoke and darkness, pressing a kiss to the goth’s forehead. With a swift movement, he had Swan scooped up into his arms bridal style. Not waiting for consent, though he chuckled at the little yelp Swan gave him, he started them back towards the stairs, and then the couch. He was going to swaddle Swan up in a blanket and hold him in his lap for the next millennia or five. That would show him that he couldn’t take so long when Lewis was waiting on him.

Any time apart was unacceptable.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

AN: I hope you guys enjoyed it! I really have fun writing these little vignettes. They’re so much fun to do, and I adore writing things for those I love! ; u; See you in the next one! Yes, Swan is oblivious to Lewis’ crush on him.

Side Note: Yes, Lewis tries to do anything in his power to show it and Swan continues to be totally clueless. I love the dynamic, sorry.

Prompt: Obsession

[thestarsaroundyourscars]

Need at a party with Reddie!

Hi, thank you! One more time I say: Fuck canon.

Read on AO3

Slightly NSFW.

It didn't surprise Richie that only two months after the losers defeated Pennywise, he received a letter announcing that Ben and Bev were getting married. After all, he’d seen them be all over each other not one hour after they left the house on Neibolt and then every minute after that until they all left Derry. 

The letter was also an invitation to their engagement party in Ben’s house in New York. 

That’s where Richie currently was, sitting on the couch, a beer in his hand and watching the door like a hawk. 

“Stop that.” Stan said, he was sitting next to him with Patty on the other side, glaring at Richie’s leg as it bounced uncontrollably. “He will be here okay?”

“What if he changed his mind?” Richie asked, nervously chewing on his bottom lip. “It’s been over two months, maybe everything he said back in Derry⎯ maybe that was only because we had almost just died. Maybe he realized he doesn’t really want me.”

Richie didn’t need to be looking at Stan to know that he was rolling his eyes at him. “He left his wife Richie.”

“Yeah but he didn’t do that for me.”

“No, he did it for himself, but he also told you that he loved you and that he wanted to be with you and that he would be here. You need to trust him.” Stan said calmly, but Richie could hear the underlying you’re being an idiot tone that was usually there when Stan talked to him.

It still surprised Richie just how easily Stan and him had fallen into their old dynamic. It was like the past twenty seven years and the whole forgetting each other thing never happened⎯ just like Eddie never stopped being the love of Richie’s life, Stan never stopped being his best friend. 

And as his best friend, it was Stan who Richie went to the night after they defeated Pennywise, after Richie and Eddie confessed their feelings to each other. 

Richie hadn’t planned it, Eddie was married and he was pretty sure his feelings were unrequited anyway and the last thing he wanted to do was lose Eddie just as he got him back. But then Eddie had walked out of Richie’s bathroom after a shower, because the one in his room was still covered in blood, and he looked so beautiful and soft⎯ cheeks tinted red, hair wet and curling at the tips, sleeping clothes just slightly big on him⎯ and he was alive and Richie couldn’t help it, he blurted out everything he had kept locked in for thirty years. 

After he was done, Eddie simply smiled and said, “I love you too asshole.” Those words were enough to get Richie moving and leaning down to kiss Eddie but he was stopped by a hand on his chest. Eddie was still married and he didn’t want their first kiss to constitute as cheating. Before Richie could argue, Eddie had placed a kiss on Richie’s cheek and said they would talk again when he got divorced. 

Tonight was the first time he would be seeing Eddie since Derry, since Eddie’s divorce.

When Eddie said he would be at the engagement party, Richie felt hopeful⎯ for about a second. Then that hope had turned into doubt and now he was worried that Eddie had changed his mind and realized Richie wasn’t the person he wanted to be with. 

“Richie, honey?” 

Richie had zoned off, he shook his head and grinned. “Yes Patty, dearest?” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Stan’s mouth twitch into a smile.

She smiled knowingly at him. Richie wasn’t sure how much Stan told her about them, but based on the way she stared at him it seemed like she knew everything. Fucking Stan and his big mouth.

“Eddie’s here.” She said.

His head snapped towards the door where Ben was welcoming Eddie in, wrapping him in a hug and accepting the gift in his hands. “Fuck me.” Richie muttered, breath catching in his throat. 

He heard Stan snicker, “You wish.” Then Patty lightly smacked his shoulder and lovingly shushed him. 

Richie watched as Bev joined the two men by the door, giving Eddie a hug. “What should I do?” He asked, feeling his palms already starting to sweat as he took in how good Eddie looked in his black slacks and his tight button up. 

“You should go say hi.” Patty said sweetly. 

Richie shook his head, he raised his beer bottle to his lips only to find it empty. “I need another drink first.”

“You’re being an idiot.” Stan said. “And a child. Just go talk to him.”

“Actually, he’s coming our way.”

Patty was right, Eddie had spotted them and he was walking towards their couch, stopping to say hi to Bill and Mike on the way. “Shit shit shit.” Richie muttered and before Stan and Patty could stop him, he left the couch and snuck into the kitchen. 

He knew Stan was right, he was being an idiot. He had been anxiously waiting for Eddie to arrive and now that he was here Richie was hiding from him, but he wasn’t ready to face him, to face rejection if it came to that, so instead of going back to the lounging room where the party was happening, he slid into the hallway. 

He wandered aimlessly around the house until he finished his beer. Then he stood there, staring at the moon through the glass walls, trying to gather the courage to go face Eddie. 

“There you are.” 

Well, shit.

Richie spun around, knowing he would find Eddie standing there but even then, his breath caught in his throat again and he could barely get out a weak, “Hi, Eds.”

Eddie’s face scrunched up at the nickname but other than that he ignored it. “Why are you lurking around Ben’s house?”

Richie didn’t want to tell Eddie that he was running away from him so he shrugged. “Uh, Ben said they had a dog, I was just looking for him.” 

“Really?” Eddie quirked an eyebrow at him. “Because Stan said you were hiding from me.” 

“That bastard.” 

“He also said you were worried that I changed my mind about us⎯”

“I’m going to fucking kill him.” Richie groaned, scrunching up his face. 

“I don’t think Patty would like that.” Eddie said with a snort. He moved closer to Richie, frowning at him. “Do you really think I changed my mind?”

Richie gave a noncommittal shrug, running a hand through his hair. “I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if you did, all those things we said⎯ we had just gone through a lot, you could’ve said things you didn’t mean.”

“Did you say things that you didn’t mean?”

Richie’s eyebrows flew towards his hairline, he shook his head. “No, fuck no. I meant everything I said, Eds I still do.” 

Eddie smiled, reaching over to grab Richie’s hand, it was warm and slightly sweaty, just like his. “Me too.”

Richie bit on his bottom lip to stop his face from breaking into a dopey grin. When that didn’t work, he ducked his head down and stared at their joint hands. “You’re not wearing your wedding ring.” 

“Well I’m not married anymore so⎯” He trailed off, taking a step forward and closing the distance between them, their faces were only a few inches away.

“Too bad I’m still married to your mom.” Richie joked.

“Fuck you asshole.” Eddie said, poking Richie’s chest with his finger. His jaw was set and he stared up at him with determination. “I’ve waited two fucking months to do this and I won’t let your trashmouth ruin it.”

Richie cocked his head. “Waited two months to do what?”

Eddie’s answer was to grab Richie by the lapels of his blazer, pull him down and press their lips together. Kissing Richie, hard. There was a moment of hesitation and then Richie’s hands were reaching up to cradle Eddie’s face, their lips moving together.

Eddie sucked Richie’s bottom lip between his teeth, making him groan. He broke them apart and Richie couldn’t help but try to chase after his lips. Eddie chuckled. “That.” 

Dazed, it took him a second to realize Eddie was answering his question. He grinned down at him. “Only two months? I’ve been waiting to do that for almost thirty years.” Richie said, watching Eddie’s cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. “Fuck you’re cute.”

“Shut up.” 

“You know what? For the first time, I think I will.” Richie said, leaning down and kissing Eddie again. He ran his thumbs over Eddie’s cheeks and the scar there, coaxing his mouth open. Eddie let go of his blazer, his hands sneaking underneath it, fisting Richie’s shirt. His mouth slipped open and he licked into Richie’s mouth, eliciting a desperate and needy whine from him. He could feel a familiar heat coiling in his stomach. 

Crowding Eddie against the wall, Richie slid his thigh between his legs, pressing against him. He could tell that he was half hard already and so was Richie, it was a little embarrassing, that at this age all it took was some kissing but this wasn’t just a kiss, it was a culmination of everything he wanted to do since he was thirteen. 

“Richie, Rich.” Eddie gasped, sounding breathless. “We’re at a party, we should⎯” His words trailed off into a moan when Richie caught Eddie’s earlobe between his teeth and bit down. “Fuck Richie, we’re in the middle of the hallway, anyone could walk in.”

Richie leaned back, stared down at Eddie. His cheeks were tinted red and his lips were a pretty kissed-pink and slick with spit. Eddie licked them and Richie followed the movement with half-lidded eyes. “Fuck them. I’ve waited long enough for this.”

Eddie’s thumbs rubbed circles on Richie’s skin, he hadn’t even noticed the moment his hands snuck under his shirt. “I know, me too.” He said, his hips twitching forward against Richie’s erection, making him gasp. “I’m not saying stop, I’m just saying not here.” 

Richie swallowed loudly, nodding. “Okay.” He said, looking around them. “How mad do you think Ben will be if we sneak into one of his rooms?” 

“I don’t think he’ll notice. He’s too caught up in Bev to care right now.” Eddie said, pushing up on his heels to give Richie another kiss, short but desperate at the same time, before leaving the space between Richie and the wall and starting to drag him to the nearest door. “Besides they owe us, we had to watch them kiss while they were still covered in sewer water, which⎯ gross, man.” Eddie said, scrunching up his nose. 

Richie laughed. “I can’t blame them. I wanted to kiss you when we were covered in sewer water. I wanted to kiss you even when you were covered in that black vomit thing.”

“Richie! Stop being gross, you’re killing my boner.”

“Find us a room and I will have you back up in no time, baby.”

Eddie rolled his eyes but Richie could see them darken with lust. He opened a door, took a step inside and stopped. 

“What?” Richie asked when he hesitated. “You’re not changing your mind, are you?”

Eddie whirled around, he was frowning. “Do you get a kick out of being obtuse?” Eddie snapped, when Richie only blinked at him, he grabbed his face and kissed him hard enough that he stumbled back. “I’m not changing my fucking mind. I love you. Get that into that big forehead of yours.” 

Richie’s face broke into a giddy smile. “I love you too Eds.” Eddie smiled back and started to close the door. “What’s wrong with that room?”

“Oh. I found the dog.” Eddie said, shutting it. “And I’m not traumatizing the poor thing. Let’s find another one, you can pet him afterwards.”

“I like the way you think.” Richie said, letting Eddie drag him to another room, hopefully one with a bed and no dog. 

Tag list: @daddyphantomtbh​ @yes-dillman-yes​ @richietoaster​ @beepbeeprichiellc​ @its-stranger-than-you-think​ @lemonaayyee​ @losers-gotta-stick-together​ @tinyarmedtrex​ @richiefuckfacetozier​ @sam-i-am2468​ @richardtoz​ @s-s-georgie​ @reddie-for-anything​ @eddiefuckinkaspbrak​ @constantreaderfool​ @thundercatseddie​ @jesuschristsupruvestar​ @mirandonsky​ @proton-disaster-blaster​ @alargedepresso​ @purplepoisonedgem​ @pan-ini​ @reddie-to-cryy​ @reddieforlove​ @trashmouthnick​ @multi-fandom-wby​ @wheezyeds​ @nancynwheeler​ @did-someone-say-reddie​ @madi-personal​ @reddie-tozibrak​ @lover-mouth​ @atownofeggs​ @that-weird-girls-blog​ @appojoos​ @castielwinovak​ @fuck-the-sushi​ @twoidiotsinl0ve​ @typewrxter​ @fcngirltrxsh​ @spirited-marvel​ (if you want to be added, let me know!)

[xxsovereignsarayaxx]

A King Needs His Queen - The Originals (Chapter 4)

“True love is like playing chess the King may be the most important piece on the board however the Queen is the most powerful and dangerous as she performs more moves than any other. The Queen will always protect her King.” Word Count: Warnings: 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

We left Marcel at the bar and we walked hand in hand down the street. It was pitch black and the streets were only lit by the streetlights that were all lined up like soldiers. "I can't remember the last time we did this" I say to Nik.

"Well we have all the time in the world for me to make it up to you." He tells me. We carried on walking and we arrived at a small clearing. When Nik spins me around to face him, he brings my hand up and kisses it.

"Mrs Mikaelson? Will you dance with me?" Nik asks me with a smirk.

"Of course Mr Mikaelson" I chuckle.

We stepped apart a little and just looked at each other for a few moments I put my hand on his cheek and just looked at him in his eyes, they were so beautiful the dark blue-green colour complimented his pearly white skin, and dirty blonde hair. I ran my hand down his right arm and grasped his hand softly and we began to sway. "I love you so much" Nik mumbles in my ear, his hot breath tickled my ears.

"I love you too" I whisper. As we swayed Nik lets one of my hands go and twirls me around and brings me back towards him his head now resting on my shoulder.

"Lets go somewhere a little more private" Nik whispers his lips pressed against my ear. And with that he takes my hand once more and we run through the empty streets of New Orleans, towards the hotel room I once was staying in when Elijah freed me from my slumber. Once the door was closed sparks flew between me and Nik. He pushes me against the door and pressed his hips against my own and I felt the full effect I still had on him even after all these years of being married.

"After all of these years I still have the same effect on you" I say seductively, biting my bottom lip.

"I should blame you for the monster you make me Elizabeth" Nik growls at me, his arms caged me to the door and he smashes his lips into mine, I was completely at his mercy my mind fogged by pure pleasure as he moved from my lips to my neck. The room with filled with soft moans and the sound of fumbling getting clothing of each others bodies as quickly as we could. Nik returned to my mouth and used one of his free hands to softly grab a part of my hair to allow him to deepen the kiss. We break away and I push from his hold and push him to the bed and crawl into his lap straddling him, kissing him how he kissed me and continued down his neck, my hands went to the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up over his head and fling-ed it somewhere in the room. As I carried on kissing down his neck and torso he threw his head back in ecstasy, I smirked against his skin at his actions. Using his speed Nik flips up over.

"You are my Queen, let me show you how I should of treated you." Nik says in hushed tone. His fingers graze over my skin.

"A King worships his Queen, but I have no idea where I should start..." He says and then nips at my neck.

"Here?" he nips the lower part of my stomach.

"Or here?" As he stops near my covered entrance.

Nik lies on his back twisted in the sheets of the hotel bed, I lay on my front tracing the outline of his abs gently with my fingers. He runs his hands through my silky black hair. "Can I ask you something?" I say to him.

"You already did" Nik teased.

"Ever the jester, but why didn't you dagger me like you did your siblings?" I ask softly.

"Do you remember our wedding vows?" Nik replies. I nodded

1539 - England I stood in the entrance to the church seeing Nik at the end of the isle, I wasn't going to lie I was very nervous, scared I would mess up my vows to him. He looked absolutely handsome and I couldn't wait to become his wife and live out our eternity together. Nik was stood with Kol while I had no remaining family Elijah offered to walk me I clung onto him for dear life. When we finally joined the rest of my soon to be family Rebekah was at my side and gently squeezed my hand.

"Elizabeth Priston, wilt thou have this man to be thy husband, and wilt thou pledge thy faith to her, in all love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith thou pledge thy safety and tenderness, no finger shall be laid upon you while I cease to walk this earth, to live with her and cherish her, according to the ordinance of God, in the holy bond of marriage?"

"I, Elizabeth Priston, take you Niklaus Mikaelson, to be my wedded husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful wife, in plenty and want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

"I promised you that no finger would ever come across you, that also meant my own. I would never hurt you, hence why I got a witch to preform a desiccation spell. I couldn't bring myself to plunge one of those daggers into your heart. All I ever wanted to do was protect you love, I hope you can understand that" Nik says quietly.

"We were always stronger together, I could have helped you, I was never one to hold you back from your curse" I say to him.

"It was far too dangerous though love, the doppelgänger and her band of merry men tried on many occasions to kill me. If they knew about you then they would have used you against me, if they succeeded in hurting you in any way I don't know what I would have done. I can't lose you again love." Nik says to me, I lean over to him and plant a small kiss to his lips.

"Nik? What happened to Finn and Kol? I noticed there coffins are not present at the house, when we were looking Elijah." I ask.

"I'm sorry my love but there no longer with us." He tells me my brows furrow together.

"Who is responsible?" I ask in a small whisper.

"I can't tell you, your temper is just as fiery as mine if not worse, even though I'm fond to a fight. A war path at the moment is not wise." Nik tells me sternly.

"Yes dear... Whatever you say dear." I tease playfully.  

While we were still lying in bed Nik had received a phone call from Marcel, apparently he wanted Nik to join him to deal with the two humans that were in transition. Marcel had asked Nik that I remain out of the way much to my my distaste. But I had other matters that needed seeing too. I had some business speaking with one of the witches of the Quarter I needed a little spell casting and I hoped that Nik could keep Marcel busy long enough.

Both me and Nik parted ways and said our brief goodbyes he made his way to join his friend I made my way to find the witches responsible for waking me from my slumber, that witch was Sophie Deveraux. I arrived at the bar she normally worked at and took a seat. It turned out to be a slow night for the bar and there were not many customers in, which would be perfect for discussing business. I turned my head and clocked the witch cleaning out glasses at the other end of the bar.

"Sophie, darling don't suppose I could have a quick word?" I ask her politely.

"Elizabeth... What do I owe the pleasure? Not here to kill  me are you? As that would be a very, very dumb move..." She replies sarcastically.

"No, no-one dies tonight, its not on my schedule but I do have a favor to ask. In return I shall help keep Marcel and the other vampires busy." I tell her.

"You've peeked my interest, what can I do for you?" Sophie asks.

"Well, many many years ago I was made stronger by a witch, a witch who also used the same magic as you - ancestral. This allowed me to have the same strength, speed and healing as Elijah, Rebekah and Niklaus before he broke his hybrid curse. Unfortunately though nothing lasts forever and I can feel myself getting weaker, I'm becoming your average vampire... I need you or any other of the coven of witches here to preform the spell so I can have a slight revenge vacation. Away from here of course so your not in danger. I can give you the spell I just need your word." I tell her.

"I need to know a little more about this spell and what is does to you before I will commit to this. Need to know what I'm getting into" Sophie replies.

"Well what do you wish to know?" I ask playfully.

"What exactly does it do to you?"

"Well as I said before I match the same strength, speed and healing as an original vampire. The only way I can die is either a white oak stake or have my head or heart removed. The thing I lack is the ability to compel other vampires. But like any other spell a witch can cast it and they can un-cast it don't worry even this has its draw backs. But I trust you, you helped awaken me. I have no reason to doubt you of all people will stab me in the back, but let me make one thing perfectly clear, you think Niklaus has a bad temper? Mine is much worse. Now? Are you going to help me?" I tell her.

I made my threat very clear but ended in a nice sweet tone, allowing her to realize what kind of person I am. I am not someone to be messed with, I am what they say a force to be reckoned with.

After the conversation with Sophie she agreed to help me and cast the spell herself on the condition that I keep Niklaus in check. Which I could do. We stood in the cemetery where the magic would be at it's strongest and handed her the spell to which she read and handed back to me. She told me she would need to make a slight alteration to which I agreed for. Sophie lights the candles she needs and begins the spell.

"Eu chamo sobre a terra, os antepassados me dar o poder para o vampiro em frente de mim, para dar-lhe prolongada de energia, de acordo com os acima dela. Mas por um tempo limitado a próxima lua cheia vai ser a causa de grande dor e sofrimento para a sua família."

It had been nearly 350 years since I last heard the spell and yet I didn't care that I was asking a witch for help once more. I must protect myself and my family again.

The heels to my knee high boots clicked on the concrete as I walked up to the Salvatore House, after having a long discussion over the phone with Nik mainly him being displeased by my choice of actions to confront the doppelganger and her friends regarding the death of Kol and Finn. I had debated on bringing him with me but I had plans to play a few games with my new play toys. My sadistic and playful nature had returned to me and I relished in it.

At present I was stood on the outer side of the Salvatores front door contemplating whether to play the sweet and innocent girl or just walk in like I owned the place. I went with the latter and just walked in, lucky for me everyone who I wanted to see was present and all turned to look at me. I had my sunglasses on my face and seductively removed them and threw them on the floor.

"I'm looking for a doppelganger, her brother and the Salvatore siblings and it seems I'm in luck I have found you" I say in a flirty tone.

Taking some more steps towards the group who seemed to be on edge regarding my presence."Haven't you heard of knocking?" A black haired vampire snapped.

"Oh I do apologize, forgive me I'm a little out-dated, behind on the times but when I was born we never had the luxuries of doorbells or those fancy ass knockers you have on your door. It's quite marvelous really but I digress." I tease.

"Who are you?" The doppelganger asks.

"Now that is for me to know and you to find out, but I shall warn you now, Stefan is it? Whatever you have planned with that stake you have behind your back really wont work." I say looking towards Stefan as he retreats backwards.

"Lets cut to the chase and I will ask again, who are you? Why are you here?" The black haired vampire asks me sounding slightly pissed.

"Well then seems like all the pleasantries have gone out of the window, I guess I should inform you why I'm here. You all killed members of my family. I'm here for some revenge." I say sweetly.

"Oh honey! Your going to have to be a lot more specific then that. I've killed a lot of people in my time, you saying I've killed members of your family isn't going to quite cut it to get my memory going." Damon says sarcastically.

I stride over to the group and fall into the sofa, I sit on something... a mobile phone and fling that on the ground. "Well lets give you a piece to this puzzle then. Finn and Kol Mikealson names ring a bell? I bet they do" I sang. I smiled knowing that I was winning. I noticed the doppelganger took a large breath in. She was very nervous. Good.          

"The psychotic hybrid never mentioned another sister..." Damon says. I swallowed and looked at him.

"Well your correct there. Keep going" I encouraged.

"Your married?" The doppelganger asks as she looked at my hand seeing my wedding ring.

"Go on?" I smile.

"Well  logically I doubt it would be Finn or Kol." Stefan starts.

"Yeah Finn was a mummy's boy and I don't think your Kol's type which leaves us three original vampires, highly doubt your into Rebekah which leaves us with two." Damon continues.

"Elijah and Klaus." Stefan finishes.

"Oooo so which one is it?" I say playfully.

"I'm going to go out on a limb and say Elijah someone needs to control this amount of crazy." Damon says with a smirk. I sit there and shake my head at the group. I point out that Jeremy is in the room and sped over to him and grab him by the throat. Behind me I hear Elena cry out.

"That psychotic hybrid happens to be my husband, and if either of you boys take another step I will crush his windpipe. Choose carefully." I snap. Elena takes a small step towards me and with a flash I snap Jeremy's neck and falls to the floor with a thud. I flashed my smile.

"I did warn you but I do happen to notice he wears the infamous Gilbert ring so he will live... for now, but I can tell straight off the bat who I will be able to have a proper conversation with so they wont mind me doing this." I add and which that I sped over to Elena and snapped her neck and proceeded to do the same with Damon, which just left me and Stefan stood face to face.

"I understand that you and my husband had a jolly old time in the twenties." I state.

"I wasn't aware that you existed, but there was no need to snap their necks." Stefan tells me.

"I need to have a decent conversation, the doppelganger or your brother simply were not good enough, now back to business. You four killed members of my family and I want revenge and your going to tell me whose heart I'm going to rip out, tick-tock Stefan who is it going to be? Your brother? The doppelganger? The little Gilbert? Yourself? What a noble sacrifice that would be." I reply to him and start strutting around the Salvatore house helping myself to some of the alcohol that was stored nearby.

"Your not going to make me choose..." Stefan starts but the sound of a glass being smashed and my body dropping to the floor interrupts him.

Stefan rushes over to Elizabeth's fallen body to check to see her. He pulls out his phone from his pocket and calls up Klaus. "Stefan Salvatore, what a pleasant surprise what can I do for you?" Nik asks.

"Your wife has collapsed." Stefan starts.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Niklaus shouts down the phone.

"One moment she was threatening us, next she is unconscious on the floor. Her neck wasn't snapped we never touched her. She was the only one snapping necks around here." Stefan replies calmly.

With that Nik hangs up the phone. Stefan decides to pick Elizabeth's body from the floor and takes her upstairs into one of the guest bedrooms. He places her on the bed carefully. And proceeds to head back downstairs to which Damon starts to stir after recovering from a broken neck.

"Owww... Where is that loony Mikealson? I'm going to kill her" Damon grumbles rubbing his neck.

"That wouldn't be wise Damon, something happened to her. One minute we was talking next shes collapsed." Stefan replies to his brother.

"What do you mean collapsed? Shes a vampire Stef, we don't just collapse." Damon says to his brother.

"Well something has happened Klaus is on his way here." Stefan replies.

"What do you mean Klaus is coming here?" A female voice said in a gruff tone. It was Elena who had woken up and picked herself up from the floor.

"I had to call him, at the end of the day she is Klaus' wife, if she dies he will kill us no doubt about that" Stefan finishes.

"Where is she?" Elena asks.

"Upstairs" Stefan says back, pointing towards the upper floor. Elena takes off and walks upstairs to find the sleeping Mikelason wife. Who laid there peacefully. All is quite in the room when Damon joins her.

New Orleans After coming off the phone with Stefan I was so worried about Elizabeth, why would she have collapsed? She was fine before she left and seemed to be ok when I spoke with her on the phone. I hurried off to find my brother who I recently got un-daggered.  "Elijah I need you to keep and eye on things around here.

"Brother what do you mean?" Elijah asks.

"I must go. That is all I will say on the matter." I replied. Elijah tries to reach out to me I shake him off.

"Niklaus what has happened?" Elijah continues to press me for answers.

"Something has happened to Elizabeth she is not well." I finally admit.

I was so lost already without her. The woman I love with all of my heart almost taken away from me and not by my own doing this time. I was truly hurt and I needed to answers and to see her. I longed for her touch. Her skin on my own. As we once were days before.

"Go to her, bring her home. I will try and get to the bottom of this." Elijah finally says to me after thinking in silence. With that I leave his side and get into my car. Hitting the roads hoping I would get there soon.

Mystic Falls It had been hours since Klaus' wife invaded our home, threatened us and then fell to the floor. I got in touch with a few friends of mine to see if we could put a name to the face but so far nothing. I returned to the parlor to see Damon drinking and standing in front of the fire that was roaring in the background.

"Any luck?" Damon asks me.

I shook my head. "No, did you find anything in her bag?" I ask him.

"A phone with a few contacts in mostly Mikelason's, Elena is going through her bag now." Damon replies.

"Hey, I think I've found something" Elena shouts over to where the dinning table is placed, me and Damon head over to her to see items from the bag are scattered on top of it. There we find a folded piece of paper.

"That has witchy- woo written all over it. I'm not going to get involved in this. No way." Damon says as he walks away.

"I'm going to call Bonnie see if she can help." Elena says as she dials for Bonnie.

"Hey can you come over to the boarding house? We need your help translating a spell." Elena asks. "Ok, see you soon" Elena says as she hangs up the phone.

"Bonnie will get here as soon as she can, but I have an idea though in the meantime what about diving into her head? See if you can find anything out?" She asks.

"It's worth a shot but its best if Damon does that, he is better at it then me." I say to her. Elena starts to place the contents back into the bag, and walks back into the parlor to sit down on the sofa, I follow her and sit on the arm.

"Can you go into her head? See if you can find out anything" I ask Damon.

"I can, but I don't want to" Damon replies back sharply. "Wait for Bon-Bon shes the witch, let her doing the poking around in other peoples brains, then if anything goes wrong Klaus can kill her instead, I would like to keep being the eternal stud thank you very much" He adds sarcastically.

After hearing what Damon had to say Bonnie walks into the house. "Whats going on? You sounded very cryptic over the phone" She asks.

"Long story short. Klaus has a wife, she got mad and came for revenge for us killing Kol and Finn, she passed out. We don't know why and we can't wake her. Found this though." Damon says arrogantly and hands Bonnie the folded up spell and leaves the room. Bonnie takes a seat next to Elena and opens the spell and glances over it.

"I can tell you it's no spell I've seen before, its not in Latin so we're going to have to try and translate it.

We spent a good half the night trying to translate the spell searched hundreds of languages. Nothing made sense to why this woman was in the state she was currently in. But all the piece was interrupted the moment the hybrid stepped through the door.

"Where is she? Where is Elizabeth?" Klaus growls as he storms over and grabs me by my throat.

"Klaus let him go! Elizabeth is upstairs" Elena pleads. With that Klaus removes his grip from my throat and speeds up the stairs to where Elizabeth is resting. I cautiously follow and when I entered the room before me stood a broken man.

A man without his armor as he knelt in front of her. Stroking the hair away from her face. A few tears fell from his face and dropped onto the floor. I would never think that Klaus Mikealson would ever show emotion like this. We only ever imagined him to be heartless and cruel. But Elizabeth she was someone who could bring Klaus to his knees and was a force to be reckoned with 'alive or not'.

[the-girl-lost-in-fandoms]

Waking up beside you // Nygmobblepot

Hiiii ! First time posting Nygmobblepot, I hope you will like it !

Also posted on AO3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19791106)

***************************************************************************************

Ed woke up on the carpet. It wasn't the weirdest place he had woken up since Gotham had became a no man's land - since he came back to life actually. And at least, this time, he remembered how he ended up there, on the floor. He had spent the evening with Oswald. They had sworn to be partners in crime and to make the city bow before them, claiming it theirs. Then they managed to find medical equipement to help Oswald sleep the whole night without too much pain, hoping that they would find a better doctor than Ed to take care of his eye the next day. The only thing that Ed couldn't quite place was why and when he had started to hold Oswald's hand.

Penguin was lying on the crouch by the fireplace. Exhausted and injured, he hadn't had too much trouble falling asleep there, without even bothering to take off his suit, ruined by blood and cuts. He was still sleeping, his hair messily falling in his face. His bandage still looked pretty clean which was a good sign. And his arm was hanging off the crouch, his fingers intertwined with Ed's.

He looked quite peaceful, only wincing every now and then - due to a bad dream possibly, but most likely from pain. Ed's thoughts went back to the past evening, when he almost stabbed the man. He knew Oswald almost did the same thing, he had noticed him taking his knife from his boot, and felt the tip of the blade between his shoulders. But once they had embraced each other, none of them had been able to do the deed. Yes, they obviously were each other's greatest weakness, but they were never stronger than when they were together. Staying together meant success and power. It meant being strong and undefeated. They needed each other, and now they knew they could trust each other.

Ed delicately removed his hand from the firm grip. And when Oswald woke up, later in the morning, Ed didn't mention it.

---

Ed woke up from his nightmare because someone was shaking him. A hand was rubbing his shoulder and a voice was calling his name, again and again. He opened his eyes to see Oswald leaning over him. The man straightened a bit and raised his hands to show he didn't mean any harm. His eyes were filled with worry which made Ed wondered how bad his nightmare had seemed from the outside. He sat up, trying to steady his breathing and ran a hand though his hair before he wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Ed ?" called Oswald. "You were screaming in your sleep. Are you okay ? Can I do anything for you ?"

Ed swallowed only to notice how dry his mouth was.

"I had a nightmare. I'm fine now" he lied. "Could you please get me water ?"

"Of course." Oswald came back with a full glass that Ed emptied quickly before he put it down. None of them said anything. Ed was still lightly shaking from his bad dream. Oswald stood there awkwardly. He knew Ed was lying to him by saying he was feeling better but he didn't want to pressure him into talking about it.

"Well…"

"Can you stay with me ?" cut Ed, blurting out the words so fast he thought Oswald would not understand him.

"Of course" repeated Oswald. He sat on the edge of the bed and Ed shifted to leave him more space. They laid next to each other, without saying anything, without touching each other, simply staring at the ceilling. Oswald's presence was comforting and Ed managed to fall back asleep.

It took Ed five more nights of the same nighmare to open up to Oswald.

"It was about you" he confessed after they both laid down like they now usually did.

"What ?"

"My nightmare. I dreamt… I dreamt that you didn't make it alive. You thew yourself on that grenade for me and died in my arms. I just stayed there, frozen, unable of doing anything, and you were bleeding out, begging me to help you, to not let you die."

Oswald turned on his side and raised a hand to cup Ed's face.

"I am fine, Ed. I told you, I owed you this one, for everything I put you through." Ed opened his mouth to say something but Oswald didn't let him. "Please, let me talk. We haven't really spoken about this. I've been a bad friend. I never apologized for killing Isabella, but I am sorry. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I'm so sorry."

Oswald looked so soft, so fragile, Ed couldn't help himself. He embraced him into a hug, adjusting his arms around his body and his head on his chest.

"I forgive you" he whispered.

Surprised at first, Oswald hugged him back, rubbing his back with his hand. They held each other the whole night. It's been a while since they both slept correctly but the comfort of sleeping together was enough.

The following night, Ed rushed to Oswald's bedroom as he heard him yelling.

---

Ed woke up in Oswald's bed. Every night, one of them would wake up to hear the other crying and screaming in his sleep before rushing to his side. After a few days, Oswald started to ask Ed to stay in his room for the night. They never talked much. Sometimes they cuddled together, sometimes they barely held hands. Tonight Oswald was holding onto Ed's arm. He was crying, his tears sliding on Ed's pyjama's sleeve.

"Ed…" he cried. "Ed, please. Don't leave. Ed. Eddie, I love you, please !"

Ed sat up straight on the bed. Oswald whined as the arm he was holding slipped away. Ed looked down at him. Did he mean that ? Probably not. He was dreaming, it was his brain activity that caused him to… and yet… As he watched the small man whimpering in his sleep, his face twisted with pain, fear, sadness and tears, Ed realized that he was in love.

"Oswald." He was shaking his arm. "Oswald, wake up, please. You're fine, it's a nightmare."

Oswald opened his eyes. He was shaking and crowled a bit more into Ed's chest.

"Ed" he cried again.

"It's okay Oswald. Shhh, it's fine. You're alright."

Ed kept shushing him, whispering sweet things in his ear as he held him close. Eventually Oswald calmed down and silence embraced them.

"I'm afraid to lose you, Ed. I… I tried, I sweard I did, Ed, but I can't… I still… I still lo-"

"It's okay Oswald. I love you too. I'm here and I'm not leaving you, never."

"You do ? Love me ?"

Oswald raised his head and his gaze met Ed's. It hit Ed that no one had probably told him this since his mother and his father died. Sweet words that had lulled Oswald's childhood, words he was desperate to hear from anyone, words he would have died to hear Ed say.

Ed took Oswald's face in his hands, brushed the tears away with his thumbs. Oswald placed his own hands over his wrists, needy for any touch Ed was willing to give him. And they leaned on each other until their lips touched.

There was no rush. The soft contact of lips against lips was enough, the light pressure they both applied was enough because for now, they simply needed something, anything. The kiss turned into a soft make out session of tongues exploring mouths, hands caressing skin, until Ed pulled away.

"You should try to sleep now."

"Only if you hold me" Oswald whispered back with a smile.

"Of course."

Ed rolled on his back, pulling Oswald with him. He felt him adjusting his position until his head was in the crook of Ed's shoulder and his right arm over his torso. Ed's hands went to his back, applying pressure to feel as much of his body as possible against him.

"Say it again" Oswald asked.

"I love you. I love you, I love you."

---

Ed woke up in a mess of tangled sheets, arms and legs. He was holding tightly onto Oswald's middle with both arms. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand before letting his head fall back on the pillows, forehead pressed against the bare skin of Oswald's back, resuming his position. They were both still naked from their previous evening activities but the bedsheets and their shared body warmth were enough to protect them from the cold of the morning.

Oswald groaned as he felt Ed moving. He untucked his left arm from the sheets to interwin his fingers with Ed's, his fingers carressing his the top of his hand. Ed's eyes caught the flicker of their maching rings and smiled.

They were engaged. Everything has happened so quickly since the battle for Gotham, six months ago, and Ed couldn't wait anymore. Yes, they've only been 'dating' for five months, but after everything they've been through together, they couldn't wait, couldn't let anything tear them apart ever again. Being husbands came with a bunch of practical advantages, such as visiting each other in the hospital in case of major injury, not being legally able to witness against each other, and conjugal visits in case one of them ended up in Arkham.

"Ozzie ?" Ed called, squeezing lightly his hand.

Oswald groaned again and turned to face him, replacing his body so they would stay as close as possible to each other. Their eyes met. Ed was now used to the dismatched eyes, one blue and one green. Still, they reminded him of this day, when Oswald got hurt because of him, and he hadn't forgive himself yet despite everything Oswald had said.

"Good morning, my handsome fiancé" he smiled.

He was too adorable. Oswald has never been a morning person, yet there he was, smiling because he was waking up for the first time in the arms of the man he was officially going to marry. And it was enough, being together was enough.

Ed leaned in for a kiss. It quickly turned into a second, then a third, then Oswald pushed Ed in his back and rolled over to lie on him, chest to chest. They made out for a while, until Oswald decided that they needed to get up. Ed let him take the bathroom first, mentally replaying the perfect night they had together.

He didn't know it yet, but this had been his last night with his fiancé for the next ten years.

[bethhxrmon]

All I Ask of You Pt. 30

“What if it’s you, what if it’s me, what if that’s all that we needed to be?” - “Only Us” from Dear Evan Hansen

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female OC

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: None, actually, I don’t think???

Summary: Some things are taken care of

A/N: Sorry, this is a little late because I was watching Rent Live, but now I’ve shown I can still create fluff, wow!!!! I love hearing from you guys, and don’t forget the masterlist is in my bio! (Also holy crap I’m over 100k words)

Light started to leak into the room, slowly causing Annie to wake up. She started to move herself only for Peter to pull her closer.

“You should stay,” he murmured softly.

Annie smiled a little, “M’kay, but we have to get up soon.”

“Nah, just stay asleep,” Peter mumbled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

She laughed a little bit, resting her head in the crook of his neck, “If you say so.”

It didn’t take much convincing to get Annie to stay laying down on the couch with Peter. They were a tangle of arms and legs after both of them shifting around during the night. Peter was playing with Annie’s hair gently, only to end up getting his hand caught in the tangles.

“Sorry, I um… oh jeez, I’m so sorry,” Peter said, trying to get his hand out.

Annie giggled, “It’s fine, and you’re really pretty.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep,” she replied, kissing him on the cheek.

She didn’t have a hard time getting lost in Peter’s eyes. The light was reflecting off of them, making his eyes look like they were glowing with the golden rays of sunlight. He smiled softly, and Annie still couldn’t believe that they were together. Sure, it was just them trying to be together, but she couldn’t imagine not being with him. His eyes kept darting from her own to her lips and then back to her eyes and she found herself doing the same thing. Annie quickly pressed her lips to his.

Both of them jumped when they heard a click and looked up to see Harper and Ned standing with Peter’s polaroid. The other teens looked like they were doing their best to not burst out into laughter.

“You guys are so cute!” Ned exclaimed.

Harper smirked, “I told you that this was gonna happen at some point. You owe me some ice cream, my dude.”

“Wh-what? I-I don’t think this is what it looks like,” Peter stammered, his face starting to get red.

Annie sat up, “I think it’s exactly what it looks like.”

“You guys stayed up really late,” Harper said, “And you guys were doing some romantic beautiful stuff, and you fell asleep in the care of each other’s arms… or something like that. Point is, we caught you red handed and we now have a picture of you two being so damn cute.”

“Actually it was a midnight mental breakdown, but same difference,” Annie deadpanned.

Harper looked at Annie, “You’re joking, right? That’s supposed to be a joke, yeah?”

“No, I found her while she was having this huge panic attack, but I mean, it got taken care of… that didn’t make it sound much better, did it?” Peter said, sighing.

Annie shook her head, “I know, it’s not great, but I’m gonna talk about some mental help or whatever. I mean, we all know this is because of the Tina deal and the dude I killed.”

“Who killed a dude?” Tony asked, walking in, “You’re all actually up, what happened?”

Pepper sighed, “There doesn’t have to be something happening for them to all be up right now.”

“Um they’re literally talking about murder, something’s happening that I don’t think we were supposed to hear. But oh well, what’s going on?” Tony questioned, looking at the teens.

Annie grimaced, “Great, I didn’t think I’d have to do this in front of everyone. But we all know I killed someone on accident, and that’s kinda wearing on me on top of everything else… so I kinda wanna maybe possibly eventually, if it’s not too much trouble, look around at some options for me as far as therapy goes?”

“Yes, we can definitely look at some options, we can talk about it after breakfast,” Pepper offered.

Peter had an arm around Annie, “See, that wasn’t too hard, was it?”

“Shut up,” Annie muttered, leaning against him.

“Hey, no PDA in this house. I don’t need any weird mutant babies when we get back,” Tony said, looking at them.

Peter tilted his head, “I don’t think that’s possible, Mr. Stark.”

“Yeah… um… you kinda need… well, I don’t wanna give a sex ed lesson to a grown man-”

“I’m just giving you two shit, go get something to eat and then go ahead and talk to Pepper. Pete, I think I figured out something that might solve our problem earlier,” Tony said before leaving.

Even though Annie knew it was right, and it was her only real option at this point, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go and talk to Pepper about everything that had happened. What if all that happened was that she’d have to tell her parents? Wasn’t that the only way she could get any real kind of help? Annie knew that the minute she told her parents about everything, it was over. There was no way that either of them would keep everything a secret. That and she could kiss her chances of being a superhero goodbye. She wouldn’t be able to make up for her mistakes, and she wouldn’t be able to help defeat Carnival.

At the same time, she wouldn’t have to lie about going all the way across the country if they were going to tell her parents at the first sign of trouble. Then again, there were other things she could use as an excuse for a therapist. Lying parents, previous eating disorders, stress of losing someone who had still been her friend, there were options for her.

Maybe she needed more help than she was caring to admit in that moment.

After breakfast, Annie walked to the other cabin. It was sunny outside and she could still smell the pines everywhere. The air was so clean that she couldn’t imagine going back to New York without feeling like she was choking on smog.

She walked in, closing the door gently behind her. It wasn’t hard to find Pepper since she was sitting on a computer. Annie cleared her throat before tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

“Oh, so sorry, Annie, I was just taking care of some work,” Pepper replied, turning around.

Annie shrugged, “It’s no biggie, if you um… if you need me to wait a minute, I can just chill here or come back later.”

“No, you don’t need to do that. I can take care of this stuff later. So, where do you want to start?” Pepper asked, turning back to make sure the computer was closed down.

Annie frowned, “Well, you see, I want help for the… well, is it bad if I say everything? But I don’t want my parents to know or anything. Like, the thought of them knowing I killed a guy or that I was trapped in a burning building is a bit too much. Hell, I don’t even want them knowing I have powers.”

“You can say everything, I don’t know everything you’ve gone through, but I’ve heard some things. And just hearing you talk about certain things is enough to tell me that getting you some kind of help is a good option. Of course, I wasn’t about to force you to get anything that you didn’t want to, but now that you’ve come to me, we can look at some options,” Pepper said, looking at Annie.

“What sorts of options?”

“We can get you therapy, and we can work around things based off of what your parents already know. So, what issues do they have an idea about already?”

Annie rocked back and forth before starting to pace, “Um… it was years ago, but I used to have anorexia, well, most likely. That’s another can of worms… but they know that when Tina died, she was my friend. They’re having a ton of relationship problems. That’s enough to see a therapist too, right? I mean, if you’ve heard them go off with each other, I’d say they need some sessions too. And then… oh! My ex killed himself last summer, that’s not a fun thing to deal with.”

“Oh, that’s quite a lot to deal with in the first place… see, if they consent to it, I can find you a confidential psychiatrist who wouldn’t tell about your identity and you would be able to trust. I’ve been trying to get Tony to go see her because she’s a genius, honestly, but that’s not the point.”

“Wait, so I still have to wait for them to agree? I mean, that’s cool that I could probably get them to agree, but I’m not sure it looks that great travelling this far and then calling my mom and being like, ‘Hey, can I get a shrink? I’m kinda going crazy’... that’s not gonna go over super well.”

Pepper nodded, “I know that, see, there’s already a lot they don’t know about. Honestly, this kind of lying is almost illegal, but I know why Tony wants to do this. And I feel like this is the perfect time to do it. We can start with some trial sessions over Skype. From there, we can figure out if you like that form of therapy or not.”

“So we’re just gonna act like I’m not seeing anyone until I get home?” Annie questioned.

“Yes, do you think you can convince your parents to see someone when you get back?”

“Oh yeah, at this point I could probably ask to go halfway across the world and one of my parents would agree. And when one of them agrees, I just go with their decision. That’s the only good thing about having parents that can’t stand each other anymore,” she said, shrugging.

Pepper frowned a little, “I know that it’s not exactly my place, but how is your family life?”

“Oh jeez… it’s rough, honestly. The only reason my parents haven’t figured out I’m a superhero is because when I was getting the hang of it, they were cheating on each other. So they moved to try and solve it. And it turns out that even when they’re not cheating it just doesn’t work. Which sucks, like, I’m adopted for Christ’s sake! Adoptive parents are supposed to be prepared and literally can’t be more planned. I’d get it if I were an oopsie baby, but I’m not,” Annie paused, plopping herself into a chair, “Sorry, you probably didn’t want a sob story.”

The woman shook her head, “No, you’re more than fine. You need someone to talk to about this sort of thing. Someone who can actually help you. I get it, kind of. My parents never divorced, but they were miserable the whole time. It feels like it’s your fault, doesn’t it?”

“Everything feels like it’s my fault, actually.”

“It’s not. You’re a teenager and you’ve just made a few mistakes. That’s fine, they’re being fixed. And some of those mistakes were going to happen regardless. A lot of those things are completely out of your control, and you’re better off knowing that it’s not all on you.”

“You really think that?”

“I know that, Annie, and it’s pretty clear to me that you want to get better,” Pepper insisted.

Annie shook her head, “I only said anything because Peter said that he would do something if I didn’t.”

“But the point is that you chose to take that into your hands. You’re responsible for yourself, and that’s going to make things easier for you later on, trust me.”

They both sat in silence for a while. Annie had never talked to Pepper much before. Then again, she had only known Pepper for around a week or so, but she hadn’t expected to find someone that so clearly believed in her. It was almost like having another mom, one that wasn’t constantly gone for work.

Pepper smiled a bit, “So, do you wanna set up an appointment?”

“Yeah, let’s do that. The guys are probably waiting for me to go and help them with some weird web fluid thing,” Annie agreed.

“Alright, then let’s get this figured out.”

It didn’t take much time to reach the psychiatrist. Doctor Stevenson sounded like she was almost excited to hear from Annie. Why in the world someone would be excited about her sob story was beyond her. Maybe the lady really wanted to help her. Or she wanted to hear about her powers. Either way, Annie had an appointment in a few days and she would figure out if she liked talking through her problems or not.

When she left to go help Peter and Tony, she paused at the door, “Um… Miss Potts-”

“Call me Pepper.”

“Okay, um… thanks, I’ve never really tried to fix this sort of thing before, and I have no clue what I’m doing. Just thank you for helping.”

Pepper smiled, “It’s no trouble. If you need anyone to talk to, you can stop by at any time.”

Annie left the cabin smiling, and she went down to the workshop. Hopefully the guys had something figured out while she had been gone. Though, something told her that if anything was going to defeat Carnival, they were going to need a little bit more than the right web fluid.

But that was something to worry about in a couple months.

Tag List: @flushings-here / @ganseysblues / @gaypanda / @parkerpuffwrites / @twilightparker / @buzzinglee / @ijustdontknowsometimes / @lcy-thot / @moonstruckholland / @dolphinsarecuteandstuff / @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy

[captainmercer20]

Dreams Become Reality - Part 1-Chapter 4

Michelle was on a special operating chair so she was sitting up while Claire and John were behind her, already starting on the operation.  But before it started, Claire gave her a scalp block as well as a local anesthesia, she said it was little outdated, as with the advance technology, they had ways to treat the conditions that open brain surgery was used for to as the treatment.  But Michelle was a very special case and they needed to use the outdated procedure.  

Michelle was calm as she felt nothing while they were working on her.  She looked at Ed as he sat in front of her and held her hand.  She noticed he was a bit antsy.  "You okay?“

"What?”  Ed seemed to be out of it.  "Oh, yeah, yeah, I’m fine.  I am not the one who’s head is being poked at while I lay awake.“

She rolled her eyes and chuckled.  "Yeah, but you seem more nervous about this then me.”

“Oh, that.”  He slightly laughed.  "Yeah, well, I am sitting here as I know they are literally inside your brain.“

She smiled at him.  "I feel nothing though.  Actually, it isn’t that bad.”

“Oh, it is not that bad for them to be toying with your brain?”  He joked.

“Nah, I guess it could be worse.”  She pointed out.  He smiled at her and kept hold of her hand as he looked at it.  "Look, I’m sorry for everything, Ed.“

He looked at her confused.  "It’s not your fault, Michelle.  You had no control of what happened.  They did this to you, you had no clue.”

She averted her eyes as she felt guilty.  "But I didn’t tell you all of it, Ed.  There is something else I should tell you.  That night, when you came to my room, you said you didn’t understand why you had to come.  See, when I sleep, I can also…“

"We are there.  We are going to try to remove it.”  Claire interrupted.

“Good.  That’s good.”  Then Ed looked at Michelle with a smile.  "You are almost out of the woods.“

"That’s good to hear.”  She smiled.  Then she looked away again, as guilt seemed to consume her.  

Ed took noticed.  "What were you saying?“

She looked back at him and licked her lips.  "It’s just I know why you felt the need to come to my room.  I didn’t want to believe that it was the reason but with the recent events, I cannot deny it.  See, when I sleep…”  Just then she stop something didn’t feel right.  Then she felt a jolt.  "Ow, that hurt!“

"You shouldn’t be feeling a thing.”  Claire informed her.

“Well, I felt that.”  Michelle almost yelled at her.

“What did it feel like?”  Claire asked.

“Like a jolt.  Like a small bust of electricity.”  

“That’s odd.  We will look out for it.  But I need you to relax so we can finish this.”  Claire told her.

She sighed in frustration and Ed asked her, “You okay?”

“Yeah.”  She breathed.  Just then she felt a much stronger jolt that lasted longer.  "STOP!  STOP!  It hurts!  Stop it!“

John moved away and he breathed, "Damn it.”

“What’s wrong?”  Ed looked at John in concerned.

“Seems when they implanted this device, they made sure that no one could take it out.”  John looked at Ed as he explained.  "When I tried to remove it, it releases like burst of electricity, like a fail safe.  Basically, the more I try to remove it, the more extreme it becomes.  If I try to take this out, I believe it will fry her brain.“

"What you mean fry her brain?”  Ed almost demanded an answer.

John looked at him with sympathy.  "Like it will electrocute her from the inside of her brain.  If I try to remove it, it will kill her, sir.“

"What?!”  Michelle grew upset.

Ed looked at her with sadness.  "So, you are telling me…“  He looked at John.  "Either she dies or we continue putting our crew at risk.”

“Pretty much.”  John only said.

Ed moved away as his brain raced.  He couldn’t let her die but he couldn’t let his crew be at risk of what might happened if she went to sleep again.  He was conflicted.  He needed to find a way for her to live and his crew to be safe.  As his racked his brain, a thought came into his head.  He turned to them.  "What if we don’t have to remove the device but we can just shut it down?“

"Do you mean, kill the device?”  Claire chimed in.  Ed nodded.  "But how would we do such a thing?“

"She is right, sir.  That would probably take me a hell of a lot long for me to do such a thing and I am sure her meds will wear out by then.  The device is very complicated.”  John pointed out.

“Well, we have a Kaylon onboard and he can rewire anything in minutes or shut something down in seconds.”  Ed pointed out.

John eyes widened in excitement.  "I’ll get Issac.“

Ed nodded as John ran off.  Claire said, "Well, I am going to get the rest of the stuff ready as plans seem to have change.”

She started to move away when Michelle quickly said, “Um, doc, I am still opened up here.”

Claire turned to her and said with a smile, “And you are perfectly safe, just stay still.”

She walked away as Michelle sighed, loudly.  "Well, this is great.  I am sitting here with a hole opened in my head.“

Ed chuckled at this as he looked at her.  He moved over to the chair and sat down in front of her again.  He took her hand.  "This will be over soon, I swear.”

“Why are you being nice to me?”  Michelle asked.  "I don’t deserve it, you know.  I put you crew at risk.  And the way you feel about me is completely false.“

"What?”  Ed almost chuckled as if it was a joke.  "My feelings for you are very real.“

"No, there not.”  Michelle said, softly.  She averted her eyes from him and said, “I manipulated them.”

“What do you mean?”  Ed asked becoming worried as he let go of her hand.

She looked back at him.  "See, the night you came to me, I had a dream about you and me.  I found I can also control people do things when their guard is down.  I don’t mean to.  You came to me cause of my dream.  You didn’t even understand why you did but it’s cause I drew you to me.  I’m sorry, Ed.  The last thing I wanted to do was manipulate you that way.  When you kissed me, I wanted to stop it as I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t bring myself to stop it as it felt so right.  I wanted it so bad.  Now, you see that I am just a horrible person.“

Ed thought about it for a minute then took her hand again.  "You said you can only do this when you are sleeping, right?”

“Yeah.”  She only said.

“You were awake when I kissed you.  Even awake I feel something for you.  You may have drew me to you, but what I did after that was all me.  You are awake now, so knowing that what I feel is all me, not you, I have to say, I really care about you, Michelle, and I want to be with you.  Know that is what I feel.  That is all me.”  He smiled at her.

She smiled back as her eyes filled with tears.  "You know, you are pretty incredible, right?“

He chuckled.  "I wouldn’t say all that.”

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Issac was now in the medical bay standing behind Michelle.  He was filled in to what needed to be done and he was willing to help.  Michelle was nervous as Isaac stood behind her.  "This isn’t going to hurt, is it?“

"Negative.”  Isaac told her.  "The doctor has informed me that you are quite numb and should not feel a thing.“

"Okay.”  Michelle breathed out.

Ed was still sitting in front of her as he held her hand.  "I will be with you the whole time.“

She looked at him and smiled.  "Okay, I’m ready.”

Isaac moved his hand to her and started to try to kill the device.  He was working as he said, “This device is more complicated then I expected.”

“Can you do it?” Ed asked.

“Of course, sir.”  Isaac only told him.

He kept work as the others watched.  Ed focused his attention to Michelle as sat there, anxious.  Then Ed noticed her being in pain.  "Are you okay, Michelle?“

She didn’t respond to him, instead she began to scream in pain.  Ed quickly stood.  "Stop it!  Now!  You’re hurting her!”

Isaac quickly stopped and Ed looked down at Michelle who’s eyes were now closed.  He quickly worried as he knelt in front of her.  "Michelle.  Michelle!“

Claire moved over to her and checked her vitals.  "She’s still alive but she is passed out.”

Ed became fearful.  "That isn’t good.  Her being unconscious means she can dream.“

Claire looked at the monitor that was hooked up to Michelle.  "No worries, her brain activity does not show that she is dreaming.  It seems to be quiet.”  Claire informed him.  Then the monitor started to do something.  "I think I spoke too soon.“

"We have to wake her, immediately.”  Ed ordered her.

“I’m on it.”  Claire more over to a syringe and looked at it.  She moved over to Michelle and stuck her as she pushed the syringe down.  

They waited for her to respond.  Just then, Kelly came over the communicator, “Ed, we have a situation.”

“What is it?”  Ed called back.

“A Krill ship is approaching us.”  Kelly informed him.

Ed felt conflicted.  Claire quickly said, “Go.  We will wake her up.”

Ed nodded and quickly left the medical bay.

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Ed got to the bridge. “What is going on?”

“A Krill cruiser literally came out of no where.”  Gordon informed him.

“What do you mean out of no where?” Ed asked as he moved to his chair and sat down.

Bortus informed him, “Sir, they just appeared out of nowhere.  We think they somehow got by our sensors.”

Ed thought about it.  "Did it happen before I came here?“

"Yes, sir.” Bortus answered.

“Damn it.”  Ed breathed.

Kelly noticed and looked at him.  "What is going on?“

He looked at her and shift in his seat to face her more.  He leaned in.  "I don’t think this ship is necessarily real.”

“Michelle?”  She quickly caught on.

He nodded.  "Isaac tried to shut down the device but it backfired.  When John and Claire tried to take it out of her, it reacted, the Krill put in a fail safe to make sure it wouldn’t be tampered with.  It caused her pain.  We thought Isaac could somehow shut it down.  But, again, it backfired.  It electrocuted Michelle, leaving her unconscious.  Then her brain activity spiked, as if she is dreaming.“

"You think the ship is a product of Michelle’s dream.”  She asked.

He nodded.  "It makes sense.  She seems to dream about traumatic experiences that happen to her.  Her being captured by the Krill is the most recent traumatic experience that has happened to her.“  Then Ed called out on the communicator, "Claire, how is it coming along waking Michelle?”

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Claire was pushing buttons on the panel when she replied, “Sir, we are trying everything.”

“Try harder.  There is a Krill ship and I think somehow Michelle is making it happen.  You need to wake her now.”  She heard Ed’s voice.

“There is one more thing we could try.”  She moved away from the panel.  "But it is a bit extreme.“

"Do it!”  Ed only said.

“Yes, sir.”  She responded.  Then she moved back to Michelle.  She looked at Isaac.  "Do you think that you could do something for me, Isaac.  Might seem extreme but we need to wake Michelle now.  The ship is in danger.“

Isaac moved over to her.  "What is it you need me to do, Doctor?”

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Isaac now stood in front of Michelle.  He looked at her, then at the doctor that stood behind her.  "Are you sure about this?“

"Yes.”  Claire said.  Isaac bent over in front of Michelle.  Claire quickly said, “Not too much though.  We do not want to kill her.”

Isaac looked at her and gave her a nod.  He moved his hand flat on her chest and a jolt came out of him and onto Michelle as her body jerk, same as a defibrillator.  Michelle didn’t move and Claire looked over to see her brain activity just went up.  "Try it again, Isaac.“

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Bortus informed the Captain, "Sir, they are hailing us.”

“Put them on.”  Ed quickly said.

On the screen, a video popped up of a Krill Officer.  He said, in his menacing tone, “Surrender or we will fire.”

“What do you want?”  Ed asked, sternly.

“You know what we want.  Give us the girl or your ship will be fired upon.”  He said, coldly.

Ed then said, “The girl is under the protection of the Union.”

“Big mistake, Captain.”  Was the last thing the Krill Officer said before the screen went off.

“They are getting ready to fire.”  Gordon announced.

Ed ordered, “Put up deflectors and get ready to return fire.”

“Yes, sir.”  Gordon replied.

Ed knee started to bounce as he called in the communicator, “What is taken so long, Claire?”

“She is not waking up.  We tried everything.  We are out of ideas.”  Claire informed him.

“They are firing.”  Gordon announced.

Just then, they watched as the Krill ship fired on them.  The ship rocked as it was hit.  "Deflectors down to sixty five percent.“

"Jesus, Ed.  This is too real.”  Kelly was now worried.

“Return fire.”  Ed called.

They did and it hit the ship.  Bortus turned to Ed and informed him as he was confused.  "Sir, they took no damage.“

"Ed, we are in trouble.  We can’t seem to hurt them but they can hurt us.  We need to do something.”  Kelly was now panicked.

Ed sat there as he was now worried about what will happened.  They couldn’t wake Michelle and her dream was causing the ship to be unpentralable.  He was worried for the safety of his crew.  His mind raced as to figure out what they needed to do.  They had to wake her up but she wouldn’t wake.  They tried everything and it hit him.  There was one thing they haven’t tried.  "Kelly, take control.“

He stood up as Kelly asked, almost in a panic, "Where are you going?”

“To save our ship.”  He told her then he raced out.

He ran out of the bridge, down the hall.  He ran towards the medical bay when he heard the ship get hit again and felt the ship rock.  He grabbed the wall to steady himself and started to race again to the medical bay.  Once he got there, he ran in and Claire looked at him.  "Sir, we cannot wake her.  I so sorry, sir.  We tried everything.“

He didn’t say a word, just ran over to Michelle and he knelt down next to her.  Again the ship was hit and it rocked as everyone held onto something to keep themselves steady.  Claire asked, "What are you doing, sir?”

Ed cupped her cheek.  "I am going to wake her.“

He moved in and began to whisper in her ear.

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Gordon informed Kelly, "Deflectors are gone.  If we take one more hit sir, we are done for.”

“Ed, whatever you are doing, please hurry.”  Kelly said to herself.

“They are preparing to fire!”  Gordon called out.

And just like that the ship disappeared.   Gordon turned to Kelly as he was stunned.  "What the hell just happened?“

Kelly smiled as she said, "He did it.  He woke her up.”

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Ed was looking at Michelle as her eyes slowly fluttered open.  Ed smiled at her as she looked at him.  "There she is.“

"What happened?”  Michelle asked.

“You went unconscious when Isaac tried to shut off the device.”  Ed informed her.

Her eyes went wide.  "Oh, God.  Did someone else get hurt?“

"It’s okay.”  He quickly calmed her.  "We woke you up in time.“

"You woke me up.  I heard you.”  She said, softly.

Ed smiled at her.  "How do you feel?“

"My head hurts.”  She complained.  "And for some reason, my chest.“

Claire moved to them.  "Yeah, about that.  We had to take some extreme measures to try to wake you.  I am sorry for that.”

Then Michelle asked, “It’s still working, isn’t it?”

Ed pressed his lips and nodded.  "But we are going to find a way to shut this device down.  I promise you.“

——————————————————————————————————————————-

It had been a couple days since the last incident, Claire had found a way to keep Michelle’s head clear while she slept so everyone was safe.  But Ed still wanted to take no chances and wanted it out of her.  Kelly, Ed, and Michelle had a conference call Admiral Ozawa.  Clarie was going to send her their findings and how the simulator in her brain worked so they could work on a way to remove it from Michelle safely, until that time, they could make it where she did not dream.  Ed was happy about this.  But something bothered Michelle.  She was in her quarters talking to Admiral Ozawa on the screen.  "Michelle, may I ask why you asked for this private call?”

“Yes, Admiral.”  Michelle looked at the screen.  "I want to run something by you alone as I feared others might object to what I have to say.“

"You mean Captain Mercer.”  Michelle nodded.  Admiral Ozawa smiled.  "I have seen how the Captain is enamored with you.  He has a glow.“

"Yeah.  I know.”  Michelle breathed, almost sadly.

“You do not seem happy about it.”  The Admiral noticed.

“No, I like Ed.  A lot.”  Then she sighed as she looked down.  "But that is why this will be so hard what I propose.“

"What is that?”  Admiral Ozawa seemed intrigued now.

Michelle looked at the screen.  "I have been doing a lot of thinking and it seems it will be some time before this device will be removed.  But I was thinking, what if this experiment doesn’t end with me.  What if there are others that are being experimented on without our knowledge.  The Union and other races could be fighting a battle they will not be prepared for.“

Admiral Ozawa listened intently.  "So, with that said, what if there was a way we could learn about what we are up against.”

“How so?”  The Admiral asked.

“Through me.”  Michelle said, plainly.

The Admiral sat back in her seat and nodded as she understood where Michelle was going with this.  "You want us to study you.  So we are prepared.“

"Yes.”  Michelle looked at her.

Admiral Ozawa leaned forward.  "You do understand what this means, right?“

"Yes.”  Michelle grew sad.

“Is that what you want?”  She asked Michelle.

Her eyes filled with tears and one fell.  She quickly brushed it away as she composed herself.  "Admiral, this isn’t about what I want.  This is about what is best for the Union, for our people, for everyone.  I know if we learn about how this device works and how to defeat it, it could save so many people.  I feel like I have to do this.“

"I understand.  Talk to Captain Mercer about this and we will make plans from there.”  Admiral ordered.

“Yes, sir.”  Michelle breathed.

The Admiral was about to end the call when she stopped and looked at the screen.  "Michelle.“  Michelle looked at the screen.  "What you are doing is admirable.  You will be a hero.”

“It’s really nothing, Admiral.  It is the least I can do after I put Union soldiers through hell.  It’s just the right thing to do.”  Michelle only said.

Admiral Ozawa gave her a smile and a nod before she ended the call.  Michelle sat back on the sofa as she knew what she had to do next, would be hard.

—————————————————————————————————————————–

Ed was sitting at his desk, writing up his report, when he heard a chime at the door.  "Come in.“  Michelle walked in and Ed quickly smiled as he leaned back in his seat and fold his hands on his stomach.  "What do I owe the pleasure?”

She stood in front of his desk.  "We need to talk.“

Just like that, his smile disappeared as he sat up.  "That is four words a man does not want to hear from a woman.”

Michelle just pressed her lips and moved over to the couch.  She sat down and looked him.  "Come sit with me, Ed.“  She patted the spot next to him.

He looked unsure and concerned.  Then he stood and moved over to her.  He sat next to her as Michelle gave him a sweet smile.  He knew something wasn’t right.  She took his hand and held it.  "I have been doing a lot of thinking.”

“Okay, I am definitely not liking this.”  Ed became more worried.

Her smile disappeared at this point as she looked away.  She tried to be strong but seeing Ed looking worried did something to her.  "I talked to Admiral Ozawa not too long ago.  I discussed a proposal with her.“  Then she looked at him.  "I offered myself to be studied on, so they can learn how the device works and how to beat it.”

“Why would you do that?”  Ed was obviously hurt and pulled his hand away.

“I’m sorry, but we don’t know if this ends with me.  We cannot chance that.”  She tried to cup his cheek.  He pulled away and stood up as he moved away.  Her eyes filled with tears.  "Ed, please.  This sucks for me too.  I don’t want to leave you either.“

He turned to her as the pain filled his eyes.  "Then don’t.”  He pleaded.

This only made Michelle’s heart hurt.  She stood up and moved to him.  She moved her hand to his cheek and moved into him.  Her forehead pressed on his as she closed her eyes.  "It’s not that simple, Ed.  I may be the Union’s only defense against what the Krill have planned.  I have to do this.“

He pulled back as he rested a hand on her hip and looked at her.  Tears stained Michelle’s cheek as she cried from her heart breaking at the thought of leaving Ed.  A strain of hair fell in her face.  "You know.”  Ed moved his other hand to her face and tucked the strain of hair behind her ear.  "You are the first woman that is leaving me that didn’t deceive me in some way and that reason alone, it is so hard to let you go.“

Michelle looked up at him.  "You know, every girl dreams of being a princess and having some knight in shining armor rescue her.  But as we get older, we learned it is just fantasy.”  Ed looked at her, wondering where she was going with that.  Michelle gave him a small smile.  "But sometimes dreams do come true for some.  Cause the moment you rescued me from that cell, I heard your voice, I knew, you were my knight in shining armor.“  She smiled at him.  "And damn was he hot as hell.”

Ed laughed as he looked passed her.  He looked back down with a smile.  "I think you need your eyes checked again.  I think Claire did not fully get you all patched up.“

She chuckled as she shook her head.  She looked up at him as she gave him a sweet, small smile.  She moved her hand the side of his head and ran her fingers through his hair.  "I am going to miss you.”

Ed pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head.  He held her close.  "I will miss you too.“

——————————————————————————————————————————–

Ed and Michelle walked into the loading bay as she had her bag.  Once they moved in, Michelle turned to him.  "You got everything?”  Ed asked.

She rolled her eyes and chuckled.  "Yes, Ed.“

"So…”  Ed shifted.  "I guess this is goodbye.“

She looked at him as she smiled.  "How about until next time?  I mean, you never know what the future will hold.”

“I can only hope it brings me back to you.”  He smiled.

She teared up as she looked at him.  Ed held his arms out.  "Come here.“  She put her bag down and moved to him.  She wrapped her arms around him as he held her close.  "None of that now.  You will do great things and I am already proud of you for what you are doing, even if that means you leaving me.  I know you will help the Union and I couldn’t be more prouder of you, of my girl.”

She pulled back as she looked up at him with a small smile.  Ed reached up and cupped her cheek as he brushed a tear away.  Then he moved in and gave her a small kiss.  They kissed for a moment before they broke apart.  Without another word, she picked up her bag.  Ed said, “Hang on, I got something for you.”

She looked confused.  Ed looked back at another Union officer.  They moved over and handed him his Kermit the frog that he had in his office.  He looked at it and gave it to Michelle.  She held onto it as she looked at it.  "What is this?“

"Kermit the frog.  Kinda was something I always looked at as guidance, I know it sounds silly.  But I want you to have it.”  He told her.

She looked at him and smiled.  "Thank you, Ed.“  Then she looked back at the shuttle and then at him.  "I should go.”

“Yeah.”  Ed said, sadly.

She turned around and headed to the shuttle.  She got to the door and looked back at him.  She gave him a smile and he smiled back at her.  She got onto the shuttle and the door closed behind her.  His smile faded as he watched the shuttle slowly lifted up and move out of the loading bay, into space.  His eyes filled with pain as he watched the woman he cared for leave him.

[amandayoungdyke]

change - a bea kinsella x alicia munroe oneshot

notes: okay i’m aware this is literally the most niche thing i could have possibly written and that nobody cares about it but me but i was inspired so. i just really, really want to see more positive interactions between women in the show, whether romantic or platonic, so i thought i’d write one. also, this isn’t intended to come across as negative towards the ethan/alicia relationship? i think they’re at an interesting yet difficult point in the show and i wanted this to reflect that. enjoy!

you can read it here on fanfic.net or under the cut

Ethan Hardy stared at her with accusatory eyes like judge, jury, and executioner all rolled into one. “Did you write the blog?” Alicia froze.

To be fair, she probably should have expected it. She had noticed Ethan throwing her surreptitious glances on and off all day, and when he had called her into his office at the end of her shift there was a tiny part of her that knew what was coming. Running Rage in Resus had been incredibly risky, but it was a risk she felt was necessary. The things she saw every day tore into her, creating wounds that never quite seemed to go away. Writing the blog had been a strange form of catharsis, like bandaging the wounds for just a moment. She wondered how her colleagues could bury their heads in the sand so effortlessly and go on with their life. Maybe they were just better at ignoring it, numbed by years of medical work. “Alicia? I’m not joking. Did you write the blog?” The air was warm and heavy, crackling with impatience. Ethan spoke almost like a soldier, voice firm and commanding. His arms were folded across his chest as though to shut her out. Sweat began to bubble at the edge of her hairline and the truth lodged itself in her throat like a stone, stopping her from choking out any meagre, half-baked excuses. “Well? Did you?” She said nothing, too tired of lying to deny it but far too ashamed to tell the truth. He sighed, leaning forward on his desk in a way that was almost intimidating. Past Alicia would have laughed uproariously at that, the idea that one day she would look at the sweet, innocuous Ethan Hardy and be intimidated. But in that moment, Ethan’s steely gaze slicing into her like shrapnel, it seemed far from a laughing matter. “Let me make something very clear, Dr Munroe. Either you tell me the truth now, and this doesn’t get out of my office, or I turn this into an official inquiry and take it up with the hospital board.” His tone was authoritative and she wondered if on some level he was relishing in the newfound power being Clinical Lead gave him. “I’m sure Jac Naylor would be thrilled to find out who’s been slandering her hospital online.” That was it. The end of the road. There would be no more lies, no more kisses tainted by deception. Just the truth, in all its hideous glory. “Yes. I wrote the blog.” She tried to make her voice dispassionate, but failed miserably. Her emotions seemed to reverberate around the tiny room-her shame bouncing off the walls, her heartache spilling onto the floor. He looked at her like she was little more than dirt on the ground beneath him, face creasing with disgust. In that moment, any good intentions she may have had seemed utterly irrelevant-all that mattered was the hurt she had caused. “Why?” She didn’t think he wanted an answer. She had thousands but they weren’t anything tangible, nothing she could string together in a sentence and say aloud. They were the hope that lingered in the eyes of Cam, the young chef with a head full of outlandish dreams and a soul full of boundless possibilities who had been brought into the ED after an unexpected allergic reaction and forced to stay in the ambulance bay because there were no beds. They were the peace with which Cam’s chest rose and fell errantly as he was forced to survive on life support, hooked up to machines which emitted a beeping noise that sounded almost taunting: good luck chasing your dreams now. They were the tears that slipped down the sunken cheeks of the elderly woman forced to watch her lifelong partner, her source of happiness who had stuck with her through thick and thin, relegated to dying in a corridor, horribly public and clinically impersonal. They were the way grief contorted the face of a doctor who had just lost a patient, desperately trying to find the right platitude to soothe the ache of the relatives but never quite managing to find the ever-elusive magic combination of words that would fix everything. The universe owed a lot of people, but if she could help pay back that debt, even in the most infinitesimal way, she would. “I wanted to help people.” It sounded weak, pathetic, a child’s paltry excuse. The muscles in Ethan’s face tightened and his expression became frighteningly inscrutable, like the calm before the storm that rocked the world on its foundations. “Get out of my office.” His voice was hard. Alicia thought back to way Ethan used to speak, courteously timid with an ever-present undercurrent of kindness. She suddenly hated the man standing in front of her so much she could barely stand still for the ferocity of it. “Happily,” she spat vehemently in retaliation, relishing in the way the word fizzed at the tip of her tongue like a bomb. It detonated violently, Ethan’s face shifting and contorting as the force of the word hit him head-on. She spun on her heel and slammed the door behind her before Ethan could retort, the loud bang echoing through the crowded hospital corridor and causing several people to throw her disparaging looks. If her life were a book that would be the end of a chapter-door shut, ties severed. But it wasn’t, so she slumped against the wall outside his office and rubbed her face with her hands as though she had aged ten years in the last five minutes. She had a sudden urge to cry but felt as though she had been drained of everything intangible that held her together, until she was just bones and blood and a hollow ache she couldn’t quite put a name to, so she stood in the corridor and allowed the world to pass her by. After all this time, Ethan Hardy could still bruise her heart as though it was little more than a peach. ——————————————————————————————- Much later, she found herself in the Hope and Anchor, sitting alone in the corner and sipping her drink languidly. She wasn’t quite ready to go back to her flat and have only her own hopelessly tangled thoughts for company so she had chosen the closest location that provided the most distractions-the local pub. Her beer scorched her throat, hot, and momentarily exhilarating, but ultimately empty, and she figured that was what reality tasted like now that her futile dream of making a difference had been stripped away. She realised just how much anger there was bubbling under her skin, at the world, and at Ethan, and, most of all, at herself. It scared her. She submersed herself in the lives of the people at the pub to stop herself from looking too far into the hole that had just opened up in her own, afraid of what she might find. She watched a young couple up at the bar, swapping laughs and smiles as though they were the most precious gifts of all. The man’s warm eyes were fixed on the woman as though she were the sun and he a lowly planet that had been pulled into her orbit, like he wouldn’t mind if the building crumbled to dust around them as long as he could continue to sit there and hang reverently on her every word. It made Alicia want to vomit. She looked at them a little closer and wondered what secrets lurked on the underside of the woman’s curved mouth, woven unseen into the symphony of her voice, because surely nobody could be that perfect. But then, she reminded herself, not everybody lied to the people they cared about. Just her. The bell above the door to the pub had been ringing all evening, a perpetual background noise to the relaxed chatter of the patrons, but this time she found herself paying attention. A raucous laugh rang out through the building, drawing pointed glances from customers as though it had somehow caused their drinks to become less appetising. It was accompanied by an embarrassed murmur, clearly trying to shush the person making the noise. She recognised Bea Kinsella and Rash Masum instantly. Rash was dressed in his own clothes and looked like he was trying achingly hard to appear casual but there was something unshakeably polished about his neat polo shirt and freshly-ironed jeans. She liked Rash, but she didn’t know if it was because she liked Rash or because he reminded her irrevocably of the old Ethan, slinking around the hospital like a shadow. Ethan Hardy had died the moment he laid eyes on Cal’s body, and Rash Masum was a strange reincarnation of sorts-timid, reserved, and endlessly tactful, willing to cut off his own tongue to allow someone to speak over him. Bea Kinsella, bright hair coiled atop her head to give her the air of a crowned queen, was the antithesis of all the aforementioned qualities. She had only been working at the ED for about a month but she was virtually impossible to miss-even Dylan Keogh, who tended to simply view his colleagues as loud-mouthed, irritating objects whose sole purpose in life was to make his more difficult, had memorised her name within minutes of meeting her. She marched around Resus like she owned it, a flurry of banging doors and hurried instructions, never faltering for so much as a beat. The vivid copper of her hair was dissonant against the dull jade of her scrubs and she stood out like a particularly extravagant peacock in a dull flock of pigeons. There was something oddly magnetic about her-love her or hate her, you couldn’t take your eyes off. She was the celebrity whose lifestyle was so extravagant and controversial they were splashed across the front page of every tabloid imaginable, social media buzzing over their every move. Alicia liked the way she talked-fast, and raw, and certain, playful tongue cutting through the pleasantries that typically came with courteous discussion. Fragments of their conversation drifted over to her like balloons set free to spiral across the sky as they sat down at a table near her and she couldn’t help but listen. “I don’t know, Bea,” The words stumbled hesitantly out of Rash’s mouth like a young child who had just learnt to walk-halting and jarring and intersecting. It was clear that whatever they were talking about was not his area of expertise. “What if she turns me down?” Bea gave a long-suffering sigh as she lowered her bag to rest on the floor by her feet. “You have to stop worrying about these things, Rash!” She leaned back in her chair and the corners of her lips curved into something that was more of a challenge than a grin. “If you don’t go over there and chat her up, I will.” Alicia traced their gazes to the female bartender, hair dark and curly, fingers errantly tapping along to the music quietly leaking out of the pub’s speakers. Bea’s comment elicited a look of amusement from Rash but it disappeared as quickly as it arrived. “I can’t just go over to her! What would I say?” “Hello?” Bea suggested wryly, arching a copper eyebrow with a grin. Rash rolled his eyes as she laughed but there was a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, faint yet undeniable. “You make it sound as though it’s the easiest thing in the world.” “That’s because it is,” she declared confidently with the air of somebody who had never been turned down in her life. When Rash clearly remained unconvinced she sighed, leaned across the table and took his hands in hers. “Rash, you have to stop worrying about the ‘what if’s! Nothing’s ever going to happen if you just sit around moping all the time. Put yourself out there! What’s the worst that could happen?” Rash’s eyes ambled back across to the bartender and Alicia knew Bea had won. She clearly did too, because she leaned back in her chair and grinned victoriously. “Off you go, then.” Rash clambered to his feet nervously, a rueful smile playing on his lips. “I hate you,” he declared, but his eyes, bright with love, said otherwise. “Love you too!” she replied cheekily, blowing him a taunting kiss. He rolled his eyes at her, but shuffled up to the bartender nonetheless while she watched with a beam that reminded Alicia of a proud parent. The bartender smiled and leaned forward a little as she spotted him coming towards her, sizing him up with warm eyes. “What can I get you?” “Could I have a Guinness?” he asked somewhat timidly, looking for all the world like a teenage boy who had snuck away from his parents to order his first pint. Alicia half-expected her to roll her eyes and ask for ID. She just grinned at him, mainly courteous but with a undercurrent of something that couldn’t quite be put into words-the indecipherable pull you felt around certain people, lust, or attraction, or whatever obligatory title you wanted to assign to it. Sometimes, Alicia thought, it was best not to try and decipher things that felt so utterly innate. You should just let them be, allow notions to possess you and dreams to entice you as they pleased. She quickly scolded herself-that was her problem, after all. Always following her traitorous heart, never thinking about who her actions might hurt until it was too late. “Sure.” The bartender bent down to retrieve the beer from a small freezer behind the bar. She set it down on the counter and tilted her head at Rash, looking him up and down. “You know, I think I’ve seen you in here before. Do you work at the hospital?” “I-I do,” he affirmed, fingers flying to readjust his glasses as though it would alter what he was seeing-a girl? Showing interest in him? “Cool.” Her mouth curled into a smile that was surprisingly gentle and she tucked a stray ringlet that had sprung forward to obscure her face behind her studded ear. “I’m Kate, by the way.” “Rash,” he replied, extending his hand to shake in a gesture that was oddly formal but so quintessentially Rash Alicia had to obscure a smile behind her glass. He seemed to realise the gesture was somewhat inappropriate and tried to withdraw his hand but she just laughed and took hold of it, shaking it firmly. “Sorry!” he apologised bashfully as they broke apart, but he was chuckling. “Don’t worry about it,” she grinned, eyes bright. The sparks flying between them were almost palpable-you could see them in the way she leaned forward, resting on the bar, feel them in the way his gaze was fixed on her, rarely straying. Their conversation continued in a similar vein, and it wasn’t exactly scintillating but it was achingly sweet. Alicia couldn’t remember the last time someone had spoken to her like that. She could feel Bea’s attention beginning to wane. Her eyes wandered around the pub, looking for something to catch her attention. Self-consciousness flared up under her skin, hot and paralysing. She couldn’t stand the thought of her colleagues seeing her sitting alone like something Ethan had discarded at the side of the road-pretty to look at and fun in the short term but ultimately too destructive to hold onto. The idea of anyone looking past her fury and bravado to glimpse the cruel, selfish creature that seemed to be tangled irrevocably with her soul like Ethan had made her wince. She bowed her head and raised her glass to her lips in an attempt to obscure her face and save herself from further embarrassment. But it was too late-she felt Bea’s eyes slide onto her and knew that she had been spotted. 'Cowardly’ probably wasn’t a word most people would use to describe Alicia Munroe, but in that moment she wished that the floor would swallow her up, wanted desperately to be anywhere but the Hope and Anchor with Bea’s gaze burning a hole through her. “Dr Munroe?” Bea had got up and approached her somewhat hesitantly, as though she wasn’t quite sure if she should be intruding. The uncharacteristic apprehension seeping from her was incongruous against her bright, loud clothes. Alicia supposed she was worried about overstepping her mark, given that she was an F1 and Alicia was a registrar, and almost laughed at the idea that she was in a position to be telling off anyone. She forced her lips into something that hopefully resembled a smile and didn’t make it look as though she was baring her teeth at the junior doctor. “Hello!” It was blatantly an act and not a particularly good one-it was too pantomime, too obscenely over-the-top, like a lurid smile painted over a grimacing face. Bea’s eyebrows knitted together as though tethered in place by an invisible string of concern. “Listen, I don’t mean to pry but I noticed you sitting over her and…are you alright?” The words crept from her mouth, slowly at first, but then spilling unceremoniously in an urgent rush. Her usual confidence appeared to have returned to her in full force now that any concerns she had about intruding had been rebuffed. Yes. The word sprang instantaneously to the tip of her tongue, an automatic defence mechanism built up after years of hiding things beneath weary smiles, nonchalant shrugs, words carefully chosen to seem careless, smiling and smiling until it felt like her lips would split from the effort of holding everything in, because she would rather carve out her own heart than be viewed as someone weak, to be pitied with raised eyebrows and artificial she looked at Bea Kinsella, head tilted with genuine concern, alive with an unwavering self-assurance that seemed to be stitched into the lining of her soul, and found her mouth running away with itself. “No, not really.” It was oddly refreshing to say the words aloud, like she was packaging up just a tiny bit of the fire blistering her insides and flinging it out into the universe. Bea pulled out the chair opposite hers and was already half-perched on it before she bothered to ask “can I sit?” Alicia doubted she would have taken no for answer anyway, even if she wasn’t too damn lonely to do anything other than nod. There was a short pause wherein they both tried to figure out exactly how to respond to such an unprecedented situation. Bea was the first one to talk and the song of her voice was quiet, gentle, more of a lilting ballad-a far cry from the usual upbeat pop that bounced around the room whenever she opened her mouth. “What happened?” “I had an argument with Ethan-well, I suppose should call him 'Dr Hardy’ now,” she admitted, adding the last part glumly. She hated every single word that came out of her mouth, hated the ruin she had made of what had once been the best thing in her life, but there was something tugging at her heart that told her to keep going. “Ahh.” Bea nodded and took a moment to digest what she had said, seemingly picking her next words carefully. “You know, I heard that there was, um, a bit of a history there.” She didn’t say it aloud but the words lingered in the air, as palpable as they would have been if she had. Is that true? Alicia took a sip of her drink, using the action as a placeholder as she wondered how to describe the mess they had become. “It's…complicated,” she finally settled on. The secretive smiles that had started it all, gentle and reassuring, but somehow exciting. The incandescent kisses smuggled in dark rooms, always tainted with a hint of guilt that wasn’t quite strong enough to stop them from doing it again. The way he used to look at her when they lay somnolently in bed together, as though everything he had ever wanted to know was scrawled in the crevices under her eyes and across the jut of her cheekbones. The happiness she had felt on the night Cal had given them his blessing, pure, unadulterated joy that made you wonder why you had ever cared about bad things in the first place because life was so wonderful. The way he seemed to be laced with spikes after Cal’s death, each attempted touch slicing a little deeper until she was sure her skin would unravel like ribbons. The perpetual undercurrent of bitterness that punctuated all their conversations. The way he touched her after Scott Ellison’s death, so tender she forgot his hands were the same hands that had hung limply at as his sides as a man struggled to choke out his last breath. The distance that had grown between them, imperceptible at first, but eventually so large it was like a ravine keeping them apart. Complicated. Bea nodded again, clearly recognising that their past relationship was still an open wound. “What did you argue about?” she asked instead, eyes alight with a warmth that was surprisingly genuine. Don’t tell her was the first thing that sprung to mind, still stinging from Ethan’s fury. But she figured that if she had gone to all that effort, poured out her soul in an effort to make a difference, she might as well confide in someone who wasn’t going to hate her. “I’m Rage in Resus,” she admitted quietly, embarrassed yet still somewhat hopeful. Bea’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re Rage in Resus?” Her conciliatory expression was replaced with one of incredulous delight. “No way!” Alicia knew that if she was a good person she would have her head bowed and her answer would be no more than an ashamed mumble but Bea’s zealous enthusiasm made the corner of her lips twitch slightly. “Yeah.” “I mean, that’s amazing!” Bea’s eyes were wide with wonder, like a child on Christmas morning, and she leaned forward almost hungrily, desperate to find out more. Alicia felt the smile dancing on her lips begin to grow, and although she hated to admit it there was tiny, selfish part of her basking indulgently in Bea’s words. “You think?” For a moment, she didn’t care if pride was a sin-it was seeping into her voice, little by little, because fuck it, just for a second she was proud. Maybe she had done more harm than good along the way but she had tried, and that was more than most of the lifeless shells that populated Holby City Hospital had done, who saw death everyday but chose to sew up their hearts and avert their eyes, went home to their families and painted themselves with a veneer of happiness. “Yeah!” Bea’s lively fervour was utterly contagious, seeping into the air and making Alicia’s heart beat a little faster. “You spoke out when no one else would! I think it’s really brave.” At the word 'brave’ all her guilt came flooding back, as though Bea had unintentionally opened up some kind of invisible floodgate. She wasn’t brave, not really. She just was stupidly optimistic, blinded by idealistic dreams that somehow her anger would make a difference. It wouldn’t-she had realised that as she stood in Ethan’s office. She could hammer out vengeful blog posts until her fingers bled but the problem was far too intrinsic to be unravelled by words alone. “Ethan didn’t think so,” she muttered in embarrassment, eyes straying away from Bea’s gaze. “Ahh.” An understanding came across Bea’s face and she winced ever so slightly. “Yeah, I can see why.” “It’s just…” She paused, second-guessing her decision to lay out the most buried parts of herself for all to see, but there was no going back now and Bea was a surprisingly good listener. “I’m angry at him for acting like he’s never done anything wrong in his life, you know? Like I’m the only person who’s ever made a bad decision and hurt people because of it. But I think I’m mainly angry at myself because I knew it was wrong. I knew the whole time that Ethan was going be hurt by it, and yet I did it anyway. And it's…what does that say about me?” She came to a halt, realising that she was almost short for breath. She felt strangely empty and couldn’t quite decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Bea was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment, clearly taking her time to mull over what had just been said. “You know what I think?” she asked finally, tone gentle. She was a exuding a newfound softness and Alicia wasn’t quite sure where it came from-whether she kept it locked up behind her ribs to protect her heart, or hid it underneath her hard exterior like a second skin-but she was achingly grateful for it. “I think it says you’re brave. And I think it says that you’re really, really passionate about helping people. and I think that just because you hurt someone along the way it doesn’t make your intentions any less good.” Her words scorched Alicia like poison, twisting her veins into knots and burning her throat because there was something she still hadn’t told Bea, something certain to strip the kindness from her gaze. “We kissed.” It slid out of her lips, barely a whisper-a gust of wind could have blown it away at any moment. Bea blinked, taken aback. “What?” “While I was running the blog. We kissed, and I still didn’t tell him. He trusted me and I threw it back in his face.” Saying it aloud just twisted the knife of guilt that little bit deeper and she kept her eyes fixed on the faded wood of the table, dotted with sticky rings left behind by various alcoholic beverages over the years. She refused to look up for fear that Bea’s face would contort to reflect her worst thoughts about herself-manipulative. Liar. You’ve seen how the job is tearing him apart, and this is how you repay him. The world’s ugliest kiss, whispering lies into the curve of his mouth. He deserves so, so much better. “So, you made a mistake. So what?” Her head snapped up, convinced she had misheard, that her brain had twisted Bea’s words into what she wanted to hear. But Bea appeared genuinely unbothered-there was no disgust in her voice, no judgement flashing in her eyes like lighting. “Everyone does. Yes, you should have told him. But there’s no point wasting time beating yourself up about it.” She shrugged, the words ambling out of her mouth, as though she was talking about the weather, or an upcoming holiday, or something equally superficial. “There are more important things to be worried about.” She leaned in almost conspiratorially. “Besides, it’s not half as shitty as some of the things I’ve done. A couple years ago, there was this really creepy guy, friend of a friend, who wouldn’t stop hitting on me even though he knew I was gay. And he still lived with his parents, right? So I got his address from my friend and signed him up for 'Nymphomaniacs Anonymous’.” She smirked devilishly. “Imagine the look on his poor, sweet mum’s face when she goes to collect the post and sees all these leaflets addressed to her son about sex addiction.” Laughter blossomed in Alicia’s throat before she could stop it and Bea looked delighted at having evoked such a reaction. The situations weren’t exactly comparable, but she appreciated the attempt to make her feel better. “See! It sounds to me like you and Dr Hardy have just reached a place where you’re hurting each other. And I’m sure you don’t mean to, but people change. It happens, and there’s no shame in taking a break to allow each of you to figure yourselves out. Sounds like you’re both going through some stuff.” She grinned, green eyes crinkling up at the edges. “Don’t worry about it, all right?” “You’re too nice to me,” Alicia murmured, but the shame was beginning to wane and was being replaced by a growing sense of warmth. Bea’s arm was only inches away from hers on the table and she had a sudden, mad urge to touch it, to try and draw the carefreeness she exuded so easily from her, something Alicia hadn’t felt in a long time. And she didn’t know if Bea had read her mind, or seen the loneliness that lurked under her skin, or if she was just kind, but she placed her hand comfortingly on top of Alicia’s. “Maybe you’re just too hard on yourself,” she suggested gently. Her voice was delicate, as though Alicia was some kind of fragile artefact to be treated with care and reverence, lest she shatter. Alicia looked at her, wanting to savour the moment so she could play it in her head over and over again because there was something infallibly comforting about the feeling of someone else’s hand on yours, tangible proof that, even if just for a moment you weren’t alone. Bea’s thumb tracing the web of veins that jutted out of the back her hand, eyes dancing with a sincere light. Bright, golden words of comfort spun just for her. The knowledge that someone cared, understood even. She smiled somewhat sheepishly at Bea, and Bea grinned back at her, and she was certain, certain in her bones, that it was the start of something. An alliance, a friendship, possibly something more. But it would be something, and it would be wonderful. Bea cleared her throat, removing her hand from Alicia’s. Alicia’s skin felt cold at the loss of touch, but it was overruled by the newfound warmth spreading through her chest. “Well, it looks like Rash is still otherwise occupied,” she said, casting a cursory glance over her shoulder to where Rash stood at the bar, still chatting away with the bartender, “and about time too! He’s been moping around for months, making me give him 'girl advice’.” She pulled a face, showing that she thought that was slightly ridiculous, and Alicia laughed. “He’s like something out of the 50s, seriously. It’s slightly terrifying. But that means I’ve got no-one to drink with.” She tilted her head to one side, eyes twinkling. “Will you be my Rash for the evening?” Alicia felt her mouth curving upwards to mirror the smile playing warmly on Bea’s lips. “It would be my honour,” she joked, resisting the sudden urge to play with her hair like a coy schoolgirl. “Good,” Bea replied, with a broad grin that could spark a revolution in someone’s heart. And she looked at Bea Kinsella, fiery-eyed, and warm-hearted, and utterly inexorable, and felt something stirring under her skin. Not electricity-that sounded too violent, too painful. It was more of a warmth that flowed down her throat and soaked slowly into her bones, keeping her balanced, happy, almost insouciant. Maybe it was just hope, although she wasn’t quite sure exactly what she was hopeful for. Change, perhaps. Change for the better. She remembered the feeling of Bea’s hand on hers and knew, unequivocally, that change was coming.

[babyawacs]

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to certain timeframes /// #cant #wait #for #t he #next #case #like #hat? tobenefit germans from it? damaging justice to? .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_ law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom  unthinkable ifthes e bastards get rewarded for it #what #court #would: yes!they killtheheart! they poisonthe water! the fortu ne is real from real performance and its quelled by the rapers poisoners and thsoe that killthe heart. yes! t he daytime charged things are factual and the damage they overtape is staying. the germans shall compensate no thing. they shall killit and then see how they keepthe money and the inventions. and now lets see if we find em a trick to reinterpret allofthis . this here whatthe government+ timecontrol accomplcied did as batshit nutsness  whatcourtwould: *harpsounds* the heart does nt die+while deedtyped+afterdaytimecharging it .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @ judges @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom itis a criminal sy stem itis a criminal system which averts compensation for its liabilities they may rather kill compensate that guy and see if another german german german trick works whilethey shuffle murder tricks harms or pedo orgies deedtyped immun ised them todowhat quell it ithis case for highthe ft + yomama  /// homos ifeelvictimised so youfeel discirminated butimmmolested asof wife itis 19years deedtype intelhell its abracketofthis nthat noteventheco mpelte theme butit iiis deedtyped thatwithwife isnothing for 18years she maywear horsetail but its not n othing andsurenot with two kids and their names this this here allofthis here  is a gernan crime outof criminal government agenda criminal timecontrolacc omplice tehreisnoreason whythey couldnot compensate their crimes and staying damages in20years or 10years hu marightscourt or 5yearslocalcharging they quell and nu t wheni demand my fortune access and shuffle harm and shuffle stigmas //// @deutschland @bild @bild_de @phoenix_de @bundestag @bundesrat ihr hofft doch noch i mmer dass irgend ein fieser deutscher trick das alles dochnoch pluenderbar und ungeschehen macht. wersich 20j ahre vor entschaedigungen druecken kann um dabei weiter kinderporno orgien zumachen, kommt auch mit allem dav on.  ihrseid verachtenswert #lawyers #btw   .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaret zcom lawyers sero tolerance with nut trickery because it is i n t e l itis which trick works pedo tricks heart kill murder pathogens s uffocatepoisons batshit nuts that means thatthey h edge even the procedure to nut murder tricks is good enough aslong as its nut fringed and allalong shuffle pedo orgies as this morning and murder tricks as this morning before  as therecentdays so  they he dge fools that see ifsomething fits to a nut that talks tohimself  whilethey murder trick suffocate poison and pedo orgy and thatwouldbe germany enough already but tis not  ge rmany is doing so after functioning months in edu shitballs and getting the test to edu  a n d another ok toget the assessment  in simpl e sero toelrance with intel murder tricks intel hell rapes poisons and hosted clowns that harm righ ts or givethem alibis gayprisonor until drives aw ay to france but untilthen and after then a formidable alibi to add harm to f ringe to damage to  a r b i t r a r i l y dowahtyouwant its fringed its quelled its kille d its sexual assault with minros as daytimecharged so upto this very january echr3781/20 quelled to d o what this year to date to try now what as ger manfix for fringe quell kill and sexual assaultwithmi nors up to this very day /// how they chickene d around "der typda ist zu keinem zeitpunkt in derlage sich irgendwie gegen immu nisierte personen zu verteidigen. dertypda ist zu keinem zeitpunkt inder lage denen bewusst auch nur zu bege gnen. dies aufgrund dieser umstand tatsachen da. der typda klagt gerichtlich zugang zuseinem eigenen vermoe gen ein mit initiative vonsich selbst tagzeit aus,was abgewiegelt wurde"  yo uknow simple  factuality they imply tricks around this (!)government authroitie s tinecontrolaccompices ofgovernemtn layer1 authorities factualities thetra nsparent one is mmmmmme and minors we rescue they setem up as pyranha kid and t hen bad things happpentoem they swear to god counter factuality and the game is lied well early on is half won half won causi ng authorities gladly let allothers whotry sth /// / thegermans intensified heartkill murder tricks mostly with gasings+footaimed cat apults recent days  .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ap @reuters @bbc_why s @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom isit waidaminute w hatdothese monsters do daily that he gets regularly heart kill damages  heartatta cks  and thse other organ damages or isit oh t h a t guy has booboo again the suffocationindicators show screaming death but so mehow.. youknow.... thatguy... again.. youknow.. he. . charged us .. and.. he  youknow... publishes wha t we do with him..so trason and stuff and hates germ any... so #how #germans #do #repeated #crimes #aft er #charging #authorities lawyers whenever i charged the realdeal intelcoma rapes killtrick poisons gotem oneoftheir own killtrickmixes greenmix ****** thegermans gamed for: ignore whatever he says hes aeh too nuts to be heard and take away his rights (!)beca use he aeh is a public danger ******* who went to jailforit the fraudsystem causes the mess they immun ised who inthemeantime  they compensate iraqis poors ouls victims of their mistakes and quell access towhat s  m i n e court demanded then try toonuts t obe heard tricks because is a public danger because demands (!)from authorit ies access tohisown money this kindof shitball mayb e ahead again /// btw2 whenthey apologised and such highlight not just the a pology but the severe harm theywouldve caused with it ifits solved its solved but hedge it was rather gene rous fromour side /// btw3 these people that dothese tricks had to reinterpret (!)intel hell  as symptoms they hedge shitballs but that what they im plied would not be hideable a day letalone thereis no intent to letalone they intervened hard everyday to experiment anyway for y e a r s  when they can  re-hedge a shitball fromthen as symptom today afte r years of themess they are emboldened again  thhi sis whenyou forinstance denied there were any realtime mess hells  which were hed ged as symptom as example but  itis  intel he ll them repeat the tricks and see whatworks thist ime including toonuts tobe heard tricks hedging symptom interpretation on (!)in telhell  intelhell them see allalong knew allalong but hedge it anyway because i wouldbe hedged as (!)public danger and there on itis exactly whatthey gamed anything that work s anytrick because its intel pedo hatenut hitl er prisonor momfool teeenieweenie batshitnuts yo urenotyou anything because itis intel there on publicdanger itis which trick works suffocate 1755 killsheart I am Christian KIS S BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKT ANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWACS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss

#batshitnuts #while #the #heart #dies #because #it #is #intel .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom because itis intel itis allab out which trick works beit for rightnow whocares aboutlater example: batshit nutsness any wet fart hedg eable hedged:  what was the craziest thing thatguy ever did recent 5years or 8y ears under the microscope  priming come and see thatnut framing as allnuts yeees?he also this andthat which is typical for nuts ness. see? soap. and peanutbutter type: creamy robusto. woodbride he sits alone inhis chamber and draws him self autoerotic paintings manywith a featherboa  a libi for heartkill suffocations with blah and thatguyness //// it did start for them immunised as nobigdeal they dowhatthey wan t with civillians theyre immunised   botch alltheti me sowhat another email itsno big deal even if they shuffle between the usuall ymonstrous necessary and the moral itbecame criminal government agenda when the inventions got strategic and the sums more profound theydid what allcriminal governments do fringe quell kill waititout and tryan ything which trickworks angie in good mode is not what angie in necessary mode is all good we had to f orve em tehy compensate iraqis on mistakes like warzone with a gun pillage a hit truck and quell here access towhats m i n e  favourless blackball? stick itinyourgerman asses but quell to access whats mine then shuffle murdertricks heart tricks with shuffled scums and play plausible d eniability sgerman sgermany its which trick work s because its intel howto pillage inventions or contro l or quell how totaxit how to makeit as local domestic small unhappened intheir swamprealm procedures as utmostpossible how decoy liability accountability for themess allalong this germany got big with aeh global c h a ri t y  not with dirty tricks and monstrous things and a secretive tradenetwork all tick s by domestically //// count hooooowmany times they efforted quell access to w ahts mine efforted, weaseled,tricked anything    .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haa retzcom   but but but thegermangovt +timecontrolacc omplice raped mengeled and experimented and dont want to pay forit and t h e m c a u s e t h i s m e s s they immunsied who else quelled it inthis case daychargign it they d e s e r v e the inventions too its hightreason to germany they cant and /// #it #doesnt #mat ter #what #they #want it doesnt matter what they want it doesnt matter what th ey pretend that is mmmmmmmmmmymoney from mmmmy i nventions they immunised cockroaches who since xmas200 9 echr2800/10 lawyers someone inthe german author ities got away with we solve it as unhappened keephim as dayfoolforever sowaht they quelled fortune access they shuffled harm th eygot daytimecharged its quelled as nut and sowhat and batshit nuts forlife th ey shifted harms shifted scums the damamges get critical now shit murder trick s allalong try to steal the inventions realtime or just freeze em aslong as it do esnt harm their own economy someone inthe authorities gotaway with this  a  f t e r daytime court demanding myown immunisation they immunised them quell edit inmycase and added harm and shuffled killtricks now its a ruined health and them try nothingha ppened stealthemoney what realtime which glorious dayfool career its his fault he aeh doesnt aehknow what he aeh wants  orelse batshit nuts nuts nuts someone inthe authoriti es gotaway with keepit as dayfool sowhat a f t e r daytiem charging it and rightthat shuffled with nutit killit is the fix right that got charged again daytime as fringe qu ellkill aftermore damamges andkilltricks and  dismissed sothey can this year since january fri nge quell kill pedosexual assaultwith minors and fringe quell kill on with no thinghappened itis a trap a killtrap now as charg ed so 2015 that is mmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyymoney those are mmmmmmmyyyyinventions they immunised who since idaytimechargedit first xmas2009 //// ********* * b  e t r a y e d wi th averted immunisation because of a guilty liable causing german government and timecontrol accomplice started as intel mistake ********** solved with that 2004  and that echr2800/10 xmas2009 and that 201 5 cop charging filing whattheydo  and that upto echr3781/20 to this  very da y with fringe quell kill intensified onagain offagain the recent years as charge d  daytime //// gaser bombout  gases acid chryst al cockroach drug maybe or poisoend water again 1530 1533 iiiidontcare who told em what why did who even get access cautionwithsupport access  access question is  imean scums 2001 2004 notjust recent years did they even know christian kiss at all idont c a r e what alibis they give eachother they admit the crime rescue minors and kids fromstolensperm evenmor e so on heartkilltricks damamges onfringe idddditos add damamge backleg damage n ow //// why?!didthey get access even?ithefirstp lace? when?  .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom a fter rape and intel verfassungsschutz who isit what can he evil assassin replaced christian kiss convicnehim toreturn rubbertitts hell pink singergirl immitation teachbrother todropdownandrollaway test security for c hirac visit and such:  he aeh worries about his pubes //ortheopposite// grandure nutted intel h ell is a standard trick of the germans while they grandure intel hell the experiment surgeries experiment drugs pallettes damages and rapes happen picks a ridiculous to dayfools element and hedges it and sees t o what nutting it could fit in the meanwhile experiments become flatlining and killtricks this 2004 “depechemode-precious” intel lullaby song timeframe  after “spiderman 2 soundtrack we are” the true gift is we were young and health and had a future and hand le really astonishing things is the adequate soundtra ck to certain timeframes /// #cant #wait #for #t he #next #case #like #hat? tobenefit germans from it? damaging justice to? .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_ law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom  unthinkable ifthes e bastards get rewarded for it #what #court #would: yes!they killtheheart! they poisonthe water! the fortu ne is real from real performance and its quelled by the rapers poisoners and thsoe that killthe heart. yes! t he daytime charged things are factual and the damage they overtape is staying. the germans shall compensate no thing. they shall killit and then see how they keepthe money and the inventions. and now lets see if we find em a trick to reinterpret allofthis . this here whatthe government+ timecontrol accomplcied did as batshit nutsness  whatcourtwould: *harpsounds* the heart does nt die+while deedtyped+afterdaytimecharging it .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @ judges @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom itis a criminal sy stem itis a criminal system which averts compensation for its liabilities they may rather kill compensate that guy and see if another german german german trick works whilethey shuffle murder tricks harms or pedo orgies deedtyped immun ised them todowhat quell it ithis case for highthe ft + yomama  /// homos ifeelvictimised so youfeel discirminated butimmmolested asof wife itis 19years deedtype intelhell its abracketofthis nthat noteventheco mpelte theme butit iiis deedtyped thatwithwife isnothing for 18years she maywear horsetail but its not n othing andsurenot with two kids and their names this this here allofthis here  is a gernan crime outof criminal government agenda criminal timecontrolacc omplice tehreisnoreason whythey couldnot compensate their crimes and staying damages in20years or 10years hu marightscourt or 5yearslocalcharging they quell and nu t wheni demand my fortune access and shuffle harm and shuffle stigmas //// @deutschland @bild @bild_de @phoenix_de @bundestag @bundesrat ihr hofft doch noch i mmer dass irgend ein fieser deutscher trick das alles dochnoch pluenderbar und ungeschehen macht. wersich 20j ahre vor entschaedigungen druecken kann um dabei weiter kinderporno orgien zumachen, kommt auch mit allem dav on.  ihrseid verachtenswert #lawyers #btw   .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaret zcom lawyers sero tolerance with nut trickery because it is i n t e l itis which trick works pedo tricks heart kill murder pathogens s uffocatepoisons batshit nuts that means thatthey h edge even the procedure to nut murder tricks is good enough aslong as its nut fringed and allalong shuffle pedo orgies as this morning and murder tricks as this morning before  as therecentdays so  they he dge fools that see ifsomething fits to a nut that talks tohimself  whilethey murder trick suffocate poison and pedo orgy and thatwouldbe germany enough already but tis not  ge rmany is doing so after functioning months in edu shitballs and getting the test to edu  a n d another ok toget the assessment  in simpl e sero toelrance with intel murder tricks intel hell rapes poisons and hosted clowns that harm righ ts or givethem alibis gayprisonor until drives aw ay to france but untilthen and after then a formidable alibi to add harm to f ringe to damage to  a r b i t r a r i l y dowahtyouwant its fringed its quelled its kille d its sexual assault with minros as daytimecharged so upto this very january echr3781/20 quelled to d o what this year to date to try now what as ger manfix for fringe quell kill and sexual assaultwithmi nors up to this very day /// how they chickene d around “der typda ist zu keinem zeitpunkt in derlage sich irgendwie gegen immu nisierte personen zu verteidigen. dertypda ist zu keinem zeitpunkt inder lage denen bewusst auch nur zu bege gnen. dies aufgrund dieser umstand tatsachen da. der typda klagt gerichtlich zugang zuseinem eigenen vermoe gen ein mit initiative vonsich selbst tagzeit aus,was abgewiegelt wurde”  yo uknow simple  factuality they imply tricks around this (!)government authroitie s tinecontrolaccompices ofgovernemtn layer1 authorities factualities thetra nsparent one is mmmmmme and minors we rescue they setem up as pyranha kid and t hen bad things happpentoem they swear to god counter factuality and the game is lied well early on is half won half won causi ng authorities gladly let allothers whotry sth /// / thegermans intensified heartkill murder tricks mostly with gasings+footaimed cat apults recent days  .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ap @reuters @bbc_why s @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom isit waidaminute w hatdothese monsters do daily that he gets regularly heart kill damages  heartatta cks  and thse other organ damages or isit oh t h a t guy has booboo again the suffocationindicators show screaming death but so mehow.. youknow…. thatguy… again.. youknow.. he. . charged us .. and.. he  youknow… publishes wha t we do with him..so trason and stuff and hates germ any… so #how #germans #do #repeated #crimes #aft er #charging #authorities lawyers whenever i charged the realdeal intelcoma rapes killtrick poisons gotem oneoftheir own killtrickmixes greenmix ****** thegermans gamed for: ignore whatever he says hes aeh too nuts to be heard and take away his rights (!)beca use he aeh is a public danger ******* who went to jailforit the fraudsystem causes the mess they immun ised who inthemeantime  they compensate iraqis poors ouls victims of their mistakes and quell access towhat s  m i n e court demanded then try toonuts t obe heard tricks because is a public danger because demands (!)from authorit ies access tohisown money this kindof shitball mayb e ahead again /// btw2 whenthey apologised and such highlight not just the a pology but the severe harm theywouldve caused with it ifits solved its solved but hedge it was rather gene rous fromour side /// btw3 these people that dothese tricks had to reinterpret (!)intel hell  as symptoms they hedge shitballs but that what they im plied would not be hideable a day letalone thereis no intent to letalone they intervened hard everyday to experiment anyway for y e a r s  when they can  re-hedge a shitball fromthen as symptom today afte r years of themess they are emboldened again  thhi sis whenyou forinstance denied there were any realtime mess hells  which were hed ged as symptom as example but  itis  intel he ll them repeat the tricks and see whatworks thist ime including toonuts tobe heard tricks hedging symptom interpretation on (!)in telhell  intelhell them see allalong knew allalong but hedge it anyway because i wouldbe hedged as (!)public danger and there on itis exactly whatthey gamed anything that work s anytrick because its intel pedo hatenut hitl er prisonor momfool teeenieweenie batshitnuts yo urenotyou anything because itis intel there on publicdanger itis which trick works suffocate 1755 killsheart I am Christian KIS S BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKT ANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWACS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss

#batshitnuts #while #the #heart #dies #because #it #is #intel .@law @law @harvard_law .@harvard_law @fisa .@fisa .@judge @judges @ap @reuters @bbc_whys @france24 @snowden @haaretzcom

because itis intel itis allabout which trick works beit for rightnow whocares aboutlater

example: batshit nutsness any wet fart hedgeable hedged: what was the craziest thing thatguy ever did recent 5years or 8years

u…

[secretblog1212]

DJ Reddie; The lucky seven

Words-1846

Warnings- character death, suicide at the optional ending

“Hello my sunny list’ners, how are y’all doin’ this here lovely morn’n?” Richie asked when the green light blinked. “Tuh-days mix is gunna be a throwback to this herey boys childhood. Back tuh the eighties we go. An’ Remember, I will take calls starting at Seven Thirty.”

    Richie sat back in his chair and put his head in his hands. He had felt off since he had woken up that morning. He couldn’t tell you what it was but it was making him nostalgic and he didn’t much appreciate it.

    His morning continued to go slowly and it got closer and closer to him taking his thirty minutes of requests. He would periodically stop the playlist and talk for a while before putting it back on. He couldn’t really get into character today and was feeling more than a little lost.

    As a song Richie couldn’t even remember the name of finished he prepared to start answering calls, it was seven twenty eight after all.

    He put his headphones on during the last verse and when the green light flicked back on her wasn’t fully prepared. “And that wraps up our eighties throwback. Now let’s talk about and appreciate just how interesting the eighties were for all different types of music. Of course not all of it is really rock like my taste now but i will admit to knowing most of the lyrics to some of those songs.” He leaned up closer to the mike and dropped his voice so it went gravely and deep. Sensual some would describe it as. “Now let’s get those calls coming in ladies and gentlemen. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.”

    Of course the call lights started to flicker on. Most were teenage and young men and women who were getting ready for their day or driving to work. He wasn’t said to be popular for nothing.

    “Okay, first caller of the day. Who will it be? Who will have the honor?” Richie swirled his finger in a spiral before pressing a random number. “Name age and such sweetie.”

    A gruff manly voice answered which wasn’t exactly what Richie was Expecting. His face flushed with color before he could get over his shock. He wasn’t expecting a forty something lumberjack to be his first caller.

    “My name is Joe Wachum and I’m callin’ here to say that you’re content is hilarious and your playlist reminded me of my earlier years. Have to also say that your voices are amazing and I was wondering how you could switch em’ so fast?”

    Richie switched through a few of his best voices while explaining that he wasn’t sure ow  but he just could before Mr.Lumberjack had to say goodbye. He answered a few more calls that weren’t anything special.

    “Almost out of time already. Only a few more callers then I’ll have to say goodbye and see you tomorrow.”

    He chose another number at random. “Hullo darllin’ what can I do for ya’.” He said switching into his southern bell accent easily.

    “Um… Hey Richie? It’s Eddie, Eddie Kaspbrak. We were friends in school and I heard from Mike that your made it onto radio so I… Um… Yeah.” Said the small timid sounding voice on the other line.

    Richie’s face went white as a sheet. He could remember an Eddie from a long time ago but was this really his Eds after all these years. His boyfriend who he had to leave behind when his mom and dad moved out of Derry. The same Eddie who was the reasoning he never could keep a relationship and had made his standards so high and being honest… so male. His little germophobic little Eddie Spaghetti. His loser? His lover? No. It must be fake.

    “Listen here, I don’t know if you’re someone I used to know or how you know that name but if this is some kind of a prank then it really isn’t funny.” Richie’s voice had come out flat and monotone with out his meaning too. He was supposed to be the happy go lucky bubbly radio host. He couldn’t find a way to force any emotion in his voice though.

    “Listen here. It’s me Trashmouth. In was talking to Mike and he mentioned your gig and I told him I would give you a call. I tried your personal line but it was down or something. How am i supposed to prove to you this isn’t some stupid prank? How can I prove that?”

    Richie shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know where you are getting all these names but it you really are who you say you are then tell me something only Eddie would know. And when i say that I mean ONLY Eddie.”

    There was a moment of silence where Richie could see gestures of the crew behind the glass windows. He ignored them.

    “Once” The voice started suddenly. “You tried to climb through my window but you were dizzy and hallucinating with a high fever and you fell on your face and broke your glasses trying to get through the window frame. Your state of mind wasn’t much better than your physical.”

    Richie could feel his face heating up. He remembered blurrily Eddie taking care of him when he had a really high fever and was seeing a bunch of shit. At least he hadn’t mentioned that Richie had been really clingy and once he was better wanted to cuddle and kiss Eddie constantly. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of their dating or his bisexuality but it would be best not to bring that up live for both of them. Last Richie heard his gay little Eds had gotten a fiance anyway.

    “Well you definitely are my Eds but I do have to say that of course you would need to bring up me in a near hysterical state of mind. Thanks for that.” Richie had forgot they were on air. It was just him and Eddie now.

    “Oh!” Richie could practically see Eddie blushing and covering his face with his hands. “Sorry! That was just the first thing that came to mind since you used to crawl through my window all the time and i’m just going to stop talking before I make the situation worse.”

    Richie doubted it was the first thing, probably the first thing that came to mind that wasn’t about them dating. “Okay, well my people are telling me that it is time to end the broadcast so I will call you tomorrow unless my phones gets fixed tonight and I’m sure I can find your name in my phone book so that should work. Oh and-”

“Beep beep Richie. Yeah, just call me when your phone gets fixed. Bye!”

And with that the call was over, Richie got his phone fixed and Richie avoided the cast for nearly a full week until their questions died down. He and Eddie had a lot to catch up on.

Three years later

Richie and Eddie had kept in contact since the call on that fateful day. In fact he and Eddie had been dating for just over two years now. Richie had found out that Eddie couldn’t go through with the marriage and hadn’t had a relationship since.

Richie was kind of forced to come out to his audience not long after the call when he was asked directly by a fan. Like he said, he wasn’t ashamed.

Of course he had gotten some hate but overall it was a happy response.

Eddie had moved to Cali to be with Richie after a year of them talking, he moved to a different branch of his driving business and controlled it from there. Everything was good.

They shared Richie’s house for two years now and though some might say they were moving too fast they had been pining after each other and dating for a grand total of, if you included their childhood, nearly eight years.

Things were going very well. They had gotten in contact with the rest of the losers and now they all tried to meet up as much as possible. Things were still fuzzy even after all this time but they knew that if in upcoming years they wanted to defeat It they would need to be strong and bonded like they were in their childhood.

Richie had been busy lately though. He was planning a special surprise for his dear boyfriend, hopefully soon to be fiance.

He had asked Eddie to call him at “Exactly seven fifty seven babe. It’s really important.” so he would still be on air when he popped the question. He had even asked the losers to listen in if they could.

Eddie figured it would be something stupid Richie wanted to do again. He had no idea Richie had already bought a ring to give to him later that day if he said yes.

At exactly seven fifty six he cleared all the calls on the board. When the clock struck seven fifty seven a single light turned on.

Richie chose the line and began before Eddie could even say anything.

“Eddie i know this might make you hate me for not doing this in person but whenever I tried I would get really nervous and so I thought this would be the next best option.” He paused taking a big breath before starting again as to not ruin his momentum. “I’ve loved you since we were thirteen. We’ve been through a whole lot of shit but I want to continue to go through that shit with you by my side. Would you do little ole me the honor of giving me your hand in marriage?

There was a traumatizing, pregnant pause before a  small pinched voice came through on the line. “Yes you fuck face. Get your ass home so i can hug you you asshole.” Before hanging up. Richie smiled, the people behind the glass were clapping. The losers were each in their own corner of the world with mouths agape in shock, but Richie Tozier couldn’t of been happier.

Four years later (Sad ending but true)

After a scheduled week off of work he and Eddie visited Derry to defeat It Richie came home mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.

He tried and tried and tried all for nothing. Eddie was gone and he was never coming back. Stan was gone and never coming back. The losers had broken back into their corners of the world like a puzzle with missing pieces. First Stan, then Eddie? It liked to work in cruel ways, it It couldn’t get rid of you the it got rid of everything you cared for.

After a week of depressingly going about his routine Richie knew he wouldn’t be able to return like things were normal again.

He guessed it was true about the lucky number seven.

Seven friends who made the oath originally.

Seven years with Eddie.

Seven days before Richie would join his two friends in death leaving only four left to grieve for their dead.

@richietoaster because you asked where the fic was… im sorry.

[fionnmeetsharry]

Consume Me

A/N:   Hey guys this is a new story that im starting that is a Harry Fionn vampire AU, hope you all enjoy it. REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN FOR IN BETWEEN CHAPTERS.

———————————————————————————————————–Chapter 1:The Beginning 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Harry’s POV

It had been been ages, well literally for me it had been ages, but also it had been ages trapped there in that place, fighting that battle that I didn’t even have to enlist in. How did I get myself in that God forsaken place? Oh yea I thought it would seem strange if a perfectly able young man like myself were just walking around London while all the others were fighting a battle to save the world, besides it’s not like I could die or get hurt even, I might as well make my immortality productive and put it to good use. But what i didn’t expect was no matter how long I had been living, no matter how much death I had seen in all my days, all the gore, nothing could have prepared me for this, this was different from any battle I had ever seen, this was the humans fight.

 Humans, the most destructive beings on earth. They not know what they truly do, starting not one but two world wars in one century, with young men greedily fighting for survival, but that’s what survival is isn’t it, greed. I know that sounds harsh but that’s also what it is, it’s a bunch of young men that came together to defeat one evil while simultaneously trying to survive, beating each other at who gets to go home first, finding ways to get their before others. Making sure you make it out alive without giving others even a second thought.

That’s what was in store for me next, I just didn’t know it yet. I was actually lucky, I was boarding a boat to finally go home from France, and yea I know I was the last person there that needed to go home that second but people were starting to get suspicious of me surviving deadly wounds and not dying of starvation or dehydration. That was the first time that I had actually smiled since being there, seeing all the men happy and smiling to be boarding the ship. All the starving humans hungrily eating the food that was provided and drinking the water to wash it down before getting more. And then just like that it was all taken from them, and they went from happy to fearful. I could hear it first, the planes coming to bomb us, I could tell by the engine that it wasn’t one of ours either, but what was i going to do, how was I to stop it. There were explosions everywhere, panic filling everybody and chaos taking over. I could hear the deck being blown apart and screams coming from the men on it just innocently waiting to be taken home. I could feel the ship sinking, most people were just jumping overboard but the wounded couldn’t, we had to leave them. And I made the mistake of jumping over on the side of the ship that was slowly making its way towards the deck about to crush anything between the two, and yes I wouldn’t have died but I was too weak to get out of there on my own, and I wasn’t going to let it crush me, that would have exposed our kind. That’s how I met Fionn, I will forever be grateful to him, and now forever stuck as well. “Well Mr. Styles, it seems that our time is up for today, as it was good for you to talk about the war and meeting Fionn, that’s not what I asked you about, you dodged my question again”.

I started Therapy with Dagwood 3 weeks ago, this was our third session. He’s a doctor for special people, not human people, so we can talk to someone and tell them the real things that are bothering us, and him being what he is can see right through me and knows I’m not talking about what’s really getting to me, I just don’t know if I’m ready to talk about that yet.

“I can feel that you think you’re not ready to talk about  your family yet,  but Harry I really think your family could be the root to your problem”.

 “I’m just having a reoccurring dream, that’s all, don’t see what my family s’got to do with it”.

 “Well maybe if you told me what the dream was I could help you overcome it, and from what I can tell from your fear when talking about, it’s more of a nightmare not a dream”.

 “Maybe next week Dagwood”.

“Ok, will Fionn be coming in for a session today?”

“Uhh no, no he’s at uni, living there actually, in a dorm and all. He said something about wanting to try and live a normal human life. He’s attending the University of York”.

 “Ah I see, and let me guess he used his charm to get in?”“Ha, yea considering he’s a 91 year old that looks 19 and his birth certificate is a bit off he kinda had too”.

Dagwood was now packing up his things getting ready to leave as I walked towards the door of his conveniently dark, quaint office.

“That’s better for me anyway, my … niece is moving in today, she’s actually attending the university of York as well”.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the poor flustered man, I knew she wasn’t his niece and I could tell he could sense I knew. We both exited the office heading outside to the cold Yorkshire air that was filling the streets. Streets filled with humans all bundled up in jumpers, beanies and boots. I didn’t need any of those things, considering I never get cold, but in order to fit in I usually wear a light peacoat with a scarf of some sort. 

Me and Dagwood have been chatting about how maybe Fionn and Solstice, his “niece”, may know each other and he’s still panicking in his head over the fact that I know what she really is. 

“Dagwood, look, your secrets safe with me, I trust you with my deepest darkest secrets, you can trust me with this one”.

 Dagwood smiled at the ground, embarrassed that I knew the truth, 

“I should have known you would have figured it out with your mind reading”. 

“Well I knew you knew with your empathy”. 

“Its why i do what i do”.

Each of us gets a “special” power when we become vampires based off of what we were good at in our human life. You see Dagwood here was good at sensing how people felt, therefore he is now an empath. 

Dagwood is now getting into his car with nervousness and excitement filling him

,“Harry, thank you.. for keeping my secret”.

 “It’s no problem, if anyone understands secrets it’s me”. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Solstice’s POV I woke up gasping for air, sweat coating my body, I’m now sitting up in my small bed with my heart beating at a thousand miles an hour. I had the dream again, well the nightmare, every night its the same thing. 

It starts off with a beautiful man walking towards me on a deck by the lake, there is a beautiful wooded area surrounding us and flowers filling what there is of ground. The man finally gets to me and sits down, caressing my cheek with the back Of his hand. 

“I’m so lucky to have found you, v’been lookin for you for ages”. 

The mans smiling down at me sweetly as his face slowly moves closer to mine, his breath fanning my cheek as his nose nudges it. He gently places his lips on mine intertwining them as we kiss, I feel a hard pinch on my bottom lip and taste blood, he bit me and is now kissing me with more passion and more hunger than before. 

Suddenly it’s night and we’re in the middle of a field of blood red flower all burning, except a small circle surrounding us where there is no fire. 

My back is now to the mans chest as his hand is wrapped around my throat, pulling it to the perfect angle for better access to my neck, better access for him to bite. Outside of the circle I see two figures in the fire running towards us screaming for the man to stop, the man quickly turns me around, fangs protruding from his gums and the soft green eyes I saw before are now glowing green with veins popping out from below. I scream as loud as I can as the man harshly pierces my flesh with the sharp fangs sucking me dry, killing me.

That’s how it ends, that’s how it always ends, with me dead only to be woken up at 4:00 AM to realize it was just a dream, but the thing is it never feels like a dream it’s always so real, too real. And now there is no way I’m going back to sleep, I never do. I think the cause of these stupid nightmares is this dorm, I started school 3 weeks ago and that’s when these nightmares started, or maybe it’s just England.

I decided that I was just gonna go ahead and get up, I have a big day with moving and all anyways maybe I can just go ahead and get my shower out of the way. Making my way to the bathroom I grab my towel, toiletry bag and what I plan on wearing for the day, struggling to open the door with all the items in my hand only to notice once it is open the room is full of steam, like someone showered.

 “Ahhhhh!”

Finally with all the steam leaving the room through the door that I opened I can see a boy getting out of the shower, a very naked boy. 

“Oh my gosh I’m so so sorry I… I didn’t know anyone was in here I thought this was my own bathroom and well I keep having this reoccurring nightmare so I thought while I was already up might as well sho-“

“Would you please just excuse yourself!”

The boy was trying his best to keep himself covered with just his hands as I made an idiot of myself and just rambled on about why I was awake and why I was gonna shower. 

Quickly exiting the bathroom I scold myself for being so weird, like why when I’m embarrassed do I just ramble on like that. That poor boy has no interest in my life or even any clue about the things I was talking about.

 “Umm, its all yours”.

 The shy boy now fully clothed, opening the door that led to my room allowing me into the bathroom. 

“Thanks, and I’m sorry I honestly didn’t know that I shared this bathroom with someone and I really didn’t expect it to be a guy”.

 He’s  still not making eye contact with me, looking uncomfortable he continues to stand there rubbing the back of his neck,

“Didn’t expect it? These are co-ed dorms”.

 Even more embarrassed than before, I stand there clutching my items as I bite my bottom lip. 

“Ow!”

When I bit my lip it felt just like it did in my dreams when the beautiful man did it. Feeling my lip with my fingertips I look down at the blood coating them. 

“Um you should take care of that, maybe start that shower”. 

The boy is now completely turned away from me, did I really embarrass him that much I didn’t even really see anything. Ok that was a lie but he didn’t know that. 

“No, I just bit myself too hard, it’s fine really…just a little blood”. 

By looking at his back he seems like he’s breathing heavy,

“Hey, are you ok?”

“Yea…yea I’m fine, just got too hot in the shower”.

 “Ok, well I’m Solstice by…the way”. 

As I was speaking the boy rushed out of our shared bathroom, not even telling me his name. 

“Yea that was great…great meeting you too dorm mate”. 

It’s now 10 AM and Blaise has been helping me pack up most of my dorm all morning. Dagwood said that he was gonna continue paying for the dorm in case I wanted somewhere private to crash in between classes.

 “I just don’t understand why you didn’t ask mystery guy to help you, I mean you seem pretty close and all”.

 I rolled my eyes at Blaise, every since I told him about the shower incident he hasn’t let it go, and has made comments all morning. I met Blaise when I first arrived here, he’s the first friend I made…well he’s the only friend I’ve made but we’re already really close.

 “Blaise, I don’t even know the guys name and I met him for like 2 seconds, that’s not close”.

“You’ve seen each other naked, doesn’t get much closer than that Sol”.

“For the last time we did not see each other naked, I saw him naked”. “But you were both in the shower”.

 Ok now he’s just pushing it, he knows how the story went, he’s just trying to get under my skin. 

“No, we weren’t. He was in the shower I walked into the bathroom”.

 Blaise put his hands up in defense

,“Ok, ok whatever you say”. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Fionn’s POV

She was having the nightmare again, the girl, my dorm mate. I don’t know if she knows it, but every time she screams in the dream she screams in real life. I’ve had to charm everyone in this building to forget about the scream every time they hear it. I just don’t want attention to be drawn to myself, I’m trying to stay low. 

With being a vampire my senses are already heightened, but with also being an empath not only are my own senses heightened, but everyone else’s around me that I can feel. I’ve learned to deal with it mostly over the years, but every night when she has that dream an insane amount of fear and pain fill her, then it’s multiplied by ten for me. 

That’s why I was in the shower, I get in the shower every morning around 4AM when she’s having the dream, the running water helps me calm down, the sound drowns out her feelings that are running through my head. I grabbed my bag and phone before I left my dorm, I had a big history test this morning, well I guess not really big for me since I lived it. Right outside our dorms is my neighbor and some guy, they’re packing up what looks like things that would go into her room. Is she moving? She can’t be moving it’s only been 3 weeks. I feel an urge come over me to ask her to stay, for some reason I don’t want her to leave, and for some reason I really don’t like her laughing with that guy. God her laugh, it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever heard, she has the kind of laugh that makes you feel warm and happy, safe, the kind of laugh that makes you want to laugh. What am I saying I don’t even know this girl, I must be feeding off of that guys emotions.

“Hey, Solstice’s dorm mate guy!”

Oh no, why is that guy calling me over? How does he even know I’m her dorm mate?  

Solstice is now trying her best to hide her face and act like she can’t see me. Was the situation really that bad this morning?The guy continues to call for me so I head over towards the two. I make it to the both of them and Solstice still won’t look at me.

 “Hey Solstice”.  

She looks up from the curtain of hair blocking her face from my view,

“Hey..”

“Uhh, Fionn, its Fionn”. 

She gave me a quick smile, now fully looking at me, God she’s gorgeous. 

“Fionn, look again im sorry about this morning I really didn’t know”

“It’s fine, promise”. 

I cut her off from her rambling, I could feel how flustered she was getting.

“Are you moving?”

“Yea, well mostly. I’m going to live with my uncle but he’s going to continue paying for the dorm in case I need some privacy while on campus”. 

“Oh that’s cool”.

 Suddenly I smelled it, it was the same scent from last night when she bit her lip, she was bleeding.

 “Shit, it’s  like I just can’t seem to stop bleeding around you”.

 I could feel myself losing control, I quickly turned around hoping I could calm myself down so I didn’t  have to run again.

 “Sol what the hell did you do?”

I could feel that guy whose name I still don’t know moving towards her to check on her hand.

 “I just cut it on the side of the truck, no big deal”. 

I could feel the hunger taking over me, I had to get out of here, I haven’t fed in over a month.

I quickly ran towards to the woods and as soon as I was out of eyesight I orbed myself to Harry’s apartment. I knew he kept a stash of blood in the deep freeze.

 Appearing in his apartment I was grateful that he wasn’t here, he would have scolded me for not taking care of myself like I should, he probably would make me move back in with him. I grab a blood bag and immediately suck it down. I can feel the hunger slightly ease but really all I wanted was her, there was an urge in me to just turn back around and have just a taste, but I knew I couldn’t. I would lose control. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••      Solstice’s POV 

When I finally look up after cleaning my hand from the blood, Fionn is gone. Why does he keep doing that, running every time we are starting to have a good conversation. Maybe he’s just not good with blood, I was bleeding both times.

“C’mon Sol, we got to get to Dagwoods”.

 I hop into the truck with Blaise as we head off to my uncles home, well Manor is more like it. I can’t help but to think about Fionn, I’m not sure why he’s all I want to think about but he is, there’s just something about him that pulls me to him. The stupid voice in my head is telling me that it’s because I saw him wet and naked, but that’s not it.

We finally arrive at the manor, Blaise is helping me carry my bags in as the front door opens. 

“Dagwood!”

I drop my bags to run up and give my uncle a hug. My uncle means a lot to me, him and my aunt Valeria.

My parents died when I was a baby, I don’t even remember them, so my aunt took me in and we lived in America. My aunt was my moms sister, Dagwood is my dads brother. Even though I didn’t get to live with him when I was younger, he always came to visit the states and see me.

“Solstice, you’re beautiful as ever”. 

I missed him, he smelled familiar, which is something I miss since the move, familiarity.

 “Well c’mon, lets get inside, I want to hear everything since the last time I saw you”.

 Blaise, Dagwood and I all grabbed some bags and headed in. “Hey Harry, come down here there’s someone I want you to meet. Harry is one of my clients and after our session today he called me and asked if there was anything I needed help with with the move, so he’s been putting together your bed”. 

We hear footsteps coming down the stairs, as the man makes his way to us he makes eye contact with me. No, it can’t be, it was the same beautiful soft green eyes from my dream, he was the man from my dream. I felt weak, lightheaded ,the room was spinning and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The next thing I know the man is rushing past me with my uncle calling after him. Black spots are starting to fill my vision as my uncle calls my name asking me if I’m ok. Dagwoods worried blue eyes are the last thing I see before complete blackness. 

[the-karasu-no-one-knows]

Jason.

After 3 1/2 months at the hospital, I was taken straight to an all girls boarding school. I wasn't even allowed to bring more items from home to the school. My father had taken me on a day pass to check out a co-ed facility in upstate NY and then the one on Long Island (that I eventually went to and graduated from with an A status).

What I was more excited about was seeing Jason over in the village at that halfway house he was at. I had the address and everything and on visitation with my father, we decided to head in that direction so I could spend some time with Jason. I was somewhat familiar with St.Marks place, but not enough. I knew CBGB's and Bleaker Bobs and other record stores and Enchantments, but where he was at, I knew my dad would know.

I was nervous as all fuck because this would be the first time outside of the hospital that I would actually be able to spend time with Jason. The closer we got to that place, the more nervous and sick to my stomach I became.

We finally got to the halfway house and I headed towards the front desk with my dad and brother. I asked for Jason and they called the floor he was at and they said that he would be down. I sat in the day area and waited. My dad knew I was nervous and my brother found that comical. My heart was beating so fast and my hands were cold and sweaty. I was so freaked out inside.

Coming down the stairs, there is Jason in shorts and no shirt and flip flops.

I nearly collapsed! I had never seen him without a shirt on. My dad was also pretty surprised and my brother just laughed. Jason was so excited to see me. He gave me this huge hug and nearly lifted me off the ground. I melted in his arms and felt like fainting. I finally knew what it was like to be near him.

He had this massive smile on his face and told me that he would be right back. My dad had asked me if I knew what my plans were with Jason and that he thought of taking us all out to Vselka's (polish restaurant) for lunch. That sounded like a great idea and I knew Jason would be up for it, after he finished getting dressed.

As he headed down, my dad passed the idea of lunch to him and he loved that idea. Jason grabbed my hand and the four of us headed out. As we all walked, my dad and brother gave us space, which I didn't feel was necessary since I wasn't Jason's girlfriend. Jason held onto my hand so tightly. I couldn't believe that someone as GORGEOUS as him would actually be latching onto me so tightly. I didn't know what to think but I was definitely enjoying the moment.

At Vselka's, my dad and brother sat at a separate table and Jason and I sat at our own. My dad insisted that we have our own table so we could spend as much time with each other as possible. My dad already was fond of Jason, and that took a lot for my dad to think that way about any "boys" interested in me. Jason and I talked and spoke about the hospital and how he kept thinking about me coming to visit.

I couldn't believe that he was feeling this way ever since I was discharged! He wanted to know where we wanted our "relationship" to go from here.

RELATIONSHIP?? WHAT?!! I was still reeling from Matt and that whole fiasco at school and whether or not he would still be trying to contact me (and yes...he was still trying to be with me).

After lunch, we walked around and did a little bit of shopping. He bought me a Siouxsie and the Banshee's cassette and I bought him this shirt from a small shop there in the village. He didn't want me to buy him anything because he felt that I shouldn't and that he wanted to buy me things. Oooh my God I couldn't believe that he had this mindset.

We headed back to the half way house and he told me there that he wanted me to be "his girl". I didn't know what that meant but he felt that calling me "baby doll" was his way of showing that I was with him. At that time, I didn't care what pet name he called me, all I cared about was that I was "his girl".

I was able to see Jason while I attended boarding school. He came to the estate and spent nights at my home in the maid's quarters (which was my sister's room when she would stay over from college). Jason told me that he felt like he could be himself and that back at the half way house, he was the party guy. He was the guy with lot's of girls around him and that he had to live a certain lifestyle while living in the village.

I wasn't the jealous type and I trusted Jason. Plus, my self esteem was so shot that I still couldn't believe that he wanted to be around me so much. I was just grateful that I could make him feel comfortable and that he didn't have to act with me, ever.

We would go for walks at night in my old town. We would go to the beach at night and sit at the edge of the dock and just talk and cuddle. The only thing is that I could not kiss him because I was still traumatized from Matt. Cuddling and holding hands was perfect. In the end, I felt more like his best friend than his girlfriend and that was fine with me. I even told him that being his closest friend was fine and that he didn't owe anything to me.

He told me that was one of the biggest reasons as to why he never wanted to head back to the halfway house. He knew that I had no expectations from him. He just wanted to be around me. He never was pushy with anything. He never asked anything from me, not even a kiss or anything remotely sexual, and I was incredibly happy that way. I told him that I loved him as my closest friend and he told me that that always made him feel safe and secure.

I'll never forget the time he was staying over and I wanted to make sure that he was comfortable and to see if he needed anything. I loved to wear these long elegant night gowns. They were very Victorian looking and all you could see was my feet, hands and some of my neck and face. I was infatuated with Gothic Vampirism (still am) and Badham's 'Dracula'.

This one night I was checking to see if he needed anything before bed. My room was on the second floor and he always stayed in the maid's quarters. As I headed downstairs and past the second kitchen, I crept into the room and he came out of the bathroom in just a towel around his waist.

I stood frozen and stuttered. I asked if he needed anything before bed and that I was going to head to bed. He walked over to me and held me and told me..

"All I needed was you and this moment".

I couldn't speak and all I could say was..

"Thank you".

Such moments were incredibly priceless to me. Even at that moment, he didn't take advantage of me. I knew I had nothing to fear with Jason, ever.

**As I typed that scenario, I had tears well up in my eyes. I could still feel that moment in the back of my mind**

We spent so much time together and we respected each others space and our trauma. We would go to the mall and girls would be staring and he would always play these little games on how many phone numbers he could collect. These girls would look at me with such disdain as he collected numbers. It didn't bother me because he always held my hand as he walked away with phone numbers. He would hug me back and forth as we walked around and shopped. He was the very first male friend that I loved and loved deeply.

In love, I really don't know. I had no idea what being in love mean't since love always came with extreme pain and abuse. Emotions alone were risky. It got in the way of work. Work that not even he knew about, and if he did, he probably would of whisked me away from it all. I bet he would of, but in the end, the mean's to that end would of been catastrophic for him, not me.

**At this time, I had been hospitalized and met Jonas. After graduation, I continued to be a part of Jason's life and he continued to stay overnight at our new home in a few towns over. After graduation, I ended up hospitalized around the same time the actor, River Phoenix died (October 31st 1993). I met a guy, who was gorgeous and wanted to be with me. We would constantly break the rules by making out while creeping into each other's dorm room and leaving our doors open to block the staff from seeing us making out.

John would try to put his hand up my skirt or down my jumper and I asked him to not do that. He would become frustrated but was satisfied with a lot of making out sessions. After I was discharged, I came to the hospital to visit John. We were outside and sitting on the bench we always sat on during our hospitalization together. He tried to put his hand down my jumper and I said no. As I tried to walk away, due to being upset, he grabbed my arm so hard that he dislocated my shoulder. I yelled out loud and ran off onto the grounds. As I waited for my mom to pick me up, I had to figure out how to fix the dislocation. I was able to smash my arm into a tree to knock it back into place. I had no idea how I knew to do that but a flashback sparked the idea. One of those fragmented memories. Neither my mother or father knew of that incident.

Even after John did that, I came to see him at the hospital. He was distant with me and didn't explain why. After he was discharged, he stopped calling me. One night when I was trying to reach him, his father had told me that he was in ICU from a suicide attempt. I had taken my fathers Rosary and brought that Rosary to him when he was taken out of ICU. I gave him my fathers' Rosary, which my mother allowed me to do.

When I found out John was discharged from that hospital and sent back to the one we had met at, his father called me and told me that his son had issues with lying. When John was discharged from that hospital, he headed home and did not call me once. I had called John at home and his father answered and told me that John refused to call me and that he didn't know why.

John called me one night while he was home and told me that he lost my phone number because his house was robbed and they stole the dresser that had my number in it. A friend of mine that I made during my hospitalization and who was still there when John was readmitted, told me on the phone that John was screwing around with one of the female patients when he was readmitted.

My mother was furious that John seemed to be avoiding me and she called his father. The father had told my mother that John was a pathological liar and that I was too good for him.

That night, I overdosed. I don't remember much but I woke up in ICU. Jason had no idea that I was with John and that he had dislocated my arm. I begged my mother and father to not tell Jason that I had overdosed. It would of destroyed him inside**

The saddest part of this story is that I eventually ended up in a very chaotic and rather loveless relationship with someone (not John). I wanted to be with Jason and I had to keep that quiet, even though it was hard to. Eventually the person that I was with found out about our correspondence and that just caused more problems in an already very unhealthy relationship.

A relationship that Jason wanted me out of.

Jason ended up in a situation that caused such harm to him that it landed him in prison. The lifestyle that he led away from me caught up with him and with a vengeance. I pleaded with Jason to stay away from those toxic people but that didn't work. I hadn't heard from him in nearly a month and his father had told me that he ended up in prison.

I was devastated, and so was my mom and my dad. When Jason was able to correspond with me, I cried and told him how unhappy I was in my current relationship and that I felt that he ended up in prison because I couldn't be there for him. Jason would console me over the phone and I would tell him how I missed him. He would send me letters and even those that he befriended would send me letters to say hi and to make sure that I was doing well.

Jason had joined the Latin Kings in order to be safe in prison. They welcomed him due to the fact that Jason was part Puerto Rican. It was really nice how people like 'King Prime' would put a little note in with Jason's to say "Hi" and that Jason was being taken care of and kept safe. Knowing that Jason was being watched over by some of the members made me feel confident that they wouldn't let any harm come to him.

It was in prison when Jason told me he was in love with me. In love with me in a way that he didn't understand. He would send me love letters and poems about love and the love he had for me. He had told me that he felt he was always in love with me and that he had let me down by going to prison. He had never felt these feelings before but the more he spent time with me, the more he couldn't stop thinking about me. It was the first two weeks of being in prison away from me when he realized that he was in love with me.

I was so unhappy in my current relationship and knowing that my closest friend was in love with me, I had wondered if I was in love with him as well. I think I may of been, or at least a part of me was. I was so miserable with my current boyfriend that I just wanted out so badly but I could not run to Jason. I could not be near him and for how long, I never would know.

I would never know because when Jason was out on parole, I got a call one night from his father telling me that Jason never showed up and that he was considered a fugitive of the law. His father was so angry. His father was head of Corrections at a prison somewhere in NY and even he didn't know where his son was. His father was also very angry because Jason was his kidney donor (the father was dealing with kidney failure) and felt that not only would he not be able to see his son again, his son couldn't pull through with the promise of being his donor.

The last I heard from him was in 1999. I've looked for him on Facebook and other search related engines. Nothing. Nothing at all.

I can still see his face in my mind. His smile. His height. His physique. His very blonde short and buzzed hair and those green eyes of his. I don't know if he's alive or dead. I wish he knew how far I have come in life. I wish I could tell him that I am doing well. I wish I could tell him that I never stopped thinking about him.

I don't think about him in a way that he's gone. And gone, as in dead.

There is a part of me that still loves him. Loves him as my long lost friend. A friend that has allowed me to form friendships with other males. Friendships built on trust. Thank you Jason. I will always love you as my very first male friend. A closeness that I believe I have to this day.

[leggylegs]

Bluejays and Cardinals

Photo by @little-penguin-ozzie (Added with permission)

Oswald dodges his fellow classmates, feinting left and right as he maneuvers down the hall towards the lunchroom, hands clasped on the straps of his backpack and a determined scowl on his face. Despite the crowd, and his diminutive stature, he sees Ed quickly, towering above most of the other sophomores, one hand clutching the handle of his lunchbox and the other adjusting his glasses as Oswald comes into focus.

“Where’s Jim?” Oswald asks as he comes to a stop in front of Ed.

“He’s in the office.”

“Still!? You said he got called there during third period!” Oswald stamps one foot in irritation. “What did he do this time?”

“I don’t know.” Ed shrugs. “The student runner didn’t say, she just handed over the note.”

“Well, we’re going to find out, then.” Oswald grabs onto Ed’s free hand and starts dragging him along behind him down the hall. “He at least owes us an explanation.”

“You know, the minute he left phys ed I got hit in the head with a volleyball. I think intentionally. It’s a good thing I wear my old pair during class because if they’d broken-”

“Shh,” Oswald stops abruptly and pats Ed on the chest, “hold on a minute, Ed, do you see what I see?”

Ed bites his lip and squints, moving his glasses up to see properly. “Is that his mother?”

“It can’t be,” Oswald says. “She’s never the one to come in.”

But they can easily see into the office through the large indoor windows. She’s standing in the center of the open office, one hand scribbling at some forms attached to a clipboard. Currently Jim is nowhere to be found.

“Maybe he had an appointment?” Ed shrugs when Oswald’s eyebrows go up in question. Ed shrugs. “She’d have to sign him back in.”

“Well he could have warned us is all I’m saying.”

“You just don’t want to wait in line.”

“Do you blame me!? It’s a long line!” he shouts, drawing attention to the two of them. Mrs. Gordon glances their way, and upon seeing her son’s friends flapping about and making a small spectacle of themselves she smiles softly. Ed waves to her, a bright blush overtaking his face as Oswald rants about the inequality of making him wait in line for the crummy reduced cost lunches when everyone else gets the regular meals.

“And another thing, the quality of a student, no, a child’s meal, the fuel that helps them succeed, shouldn’t change just because my mother can’t afford the fancy, whole cost meals.”

“I think you already argued this in debate,” Ed says, “and I agreed with you then.”

“Well the point hasn’t reached the ears that make a difference, so I’m going to, oh, Mrs. Gordon!” Oswald calls out to her and waves frantically as she and Jim leave the office. She smiles back and Ed hides his face in his hands, willing to smudge his glasses if it means she won’t see the blush. “Jim! Jim, you were supposed to meet us by Ed’s locker.”

“Oswald,” Ed tries to pull him back. The regular lunch crowd is starting to mill about, filling the hallways and clogging the space between them and Jim. “Oswald stop calling from here.”

“Well if he’d just come over I wouldn’t have to yell.” Oswald grabs Ed and pulls him across the space to Jim and his mother. “Jim, you didn’t come to Ed’s locker for lunch.”

Jim shrugs, scowling at the floor and hunching his shoulders. He doesn’t appear to have been in a fight; his hooded shirt isn’t dirty or scuffed and his face isn’t bruised or scraped. “Not hungry.”

“I’ll go start the car,” Jim’s mother says, squeezing her son’s shoulder and patting him on the back before she goes.

“Oh, well,” Ed frets over his lunchbox and the uneaten food inside. “Usually you sit with us either way.”

“Are you getting suspended?” Oswald blurts out.

“No,” Jim’s scowl deepens.

“But you’re leaving,” Ed points out.

“Just go get lunch without me.” Jim says, curt, voice clipped and raspy.

“Jim if someone’s treating you unfairly you should tell us,” Oswald says. “Or you can get your dad to come yell at the principal again. Most of the time you’re just defending us, so-”

“Just leave me alone!” he shouts, fists clenched, “don’t be such a baby! You can survive one lunch without me!” Oswald blinks, backing away until he bumps his back into Ed, and Jim shouts something unprintable, angrily stalking away and out the door to the front drive.

Ed puts a hand on Oswald’s shoulder, and mumbles, “we can go eat on the back steps.”

“He snapped at me,” Oswald says, dazed. “He never snaps at me.”

-

They’re at Oswald’s tiny house, because they’re always over at someone’s, but right now Jim’s isn’t an option. Oswald’s been to the Nashton home exactly once in his life, and he’ll join track team before he even dreams of setting foot their again.

Ed’s on the floor, lying on his stomach while reading a book for school, and Oswald’s doing the same while lying in his twin bed, or at least he’s trying to read along with Ed, but he keeps seeing Jim’s angry face, the barely visible but still painfully there rage Jim keeps just under the surface directed at him, and he tosses the book aside without bothering to save his place.

“You should finish reading. We have a quiz tomorrow on chapter one,” Ed says, flipping the page into chapter five. “It’s about fifteen pages. The chapter, not the quiz. This book doesn’t even have enough substance for a fifteen page final exam.”

“Jim yelled at me today.”

“I was there,” Ed says, not agreeing or disagreeing, just reminding Oswald of his presence. “I don’t think he got in a fight.”

“That doesn’t explain why he left, or why he got so angry.” Oswald rubs his eyes. He’s proud to say he didn’t cry over this, at least not until they got to the back stoop where no one would see. But the stinging redness around his eyes decided to persist log enough for his mother to see, and to worry. He’d lied and told her his allergies were acting up and she gave him a wet washcloth to clear away pollen; Ed managed to wait until she was out of earshot before correcting her logic.

“Jim is always angry.”

“Yes but not at me. Not at us.” Oswald rolls so he���s on his side, watching Ed as he speed reads another set of pages before flipping to the next. “Why aren’t you scared?”

“I am,” Ed says. “I’m just better at hiding it.” Ed bookmarks his page at the end of the fifth chapter and sits up. “Can I sleep here?”

“You don’t have to ask,” Oswald says. He knows Ed usually sleeps at Jim’s house during the week. “My bed is getting a bit too small to share.”

“We’re just too big,” Ed says. He moves so he’s resting his back against the box spring. “Or I am, at least.”

“Hey,” Oswald fakes being offended and hits Ed in the chest with his pillow. “I grew half an inch last month. You’re just part giraffe or something.”

“I don’t think-”

There’s a soft knock on the door and Oswald’s mother pokes her head inside, smiling at the two boys and saying, “Oswald sweetheart, your little friend is at the door.”

Oswald sits up straight and looks at Ed, who’s also looking confused, and then back to her. “Okay?”

“I’ll send him in,” she says. She blows Oswald a kiss and he smiles briefly, then he turns to Ed.

“Do you think it’s Jim?”

“I can’t imagine anyone else it would be,” Ed says. “Perhaps, oh, hello.”

Jim stands in the doorway, just behind the seam separating Oswald’s carpet from the hallway. He bites his lip, keeping his head down as he says, “sorry.”

“You’re forgiven, obviously. Think nothing of it,” Oswald says as if he didn’t spend the entire afternoon agonizing over what he or Ed could have done to make him so angry.

“You aren’t in trouble, right?” Ed asks.

Jim shakes his head. “I wasn’t suspended.”

“You weren’t in English,” Ed says. “We have to read that book,” he gestures to his copy in the middle of the floor. “It’s painfully boring but a fast read.”

“I won’t be in class tomorrow,” Jim says. He’s still avoiding their eyes, and he still hasn’t actually entered the room.

“But you weren’t suspended,” Oswald clarifies.

Jim looks up at the two of them. His eyes are red and irritated, and now that he isn’t hiding under his hood quite so thoroughly they can see how blotchy and red his face is. Jim bites his lip and crosses the small space into Oswald’s room and shuts the door to the hall.

“Jim, are you alright?” Ed asks, standing, the pillow falling to the floor with a soft plop.

“My dad died,” he says abruptly, and he shudders, exhaling a raspy, choppy breath and sobbing. He doesn’t even try to hide, arms limp at his sides as tears stream down his face.

Ed reacts first, rushing to close the gap and pull Jim to his chest, one arm firmly around Jim’s shoulders and the other tugging his hood down and petting his hair. Oswald remains stunned on his bed for half a minute, then he jumps up, wanting to help, but Ed already has Jim wrapped up in a tight, comforting hug.

(Where did Ed learn to hug like that? Oswald wonders. Jim, he settles on. It must’ve been Jim, back before Ed started staying with either of them overnight. He’d needed plenty of hugs back then.)

He puts a hand on Jim’s back, feeling the shuddering, gulping breaths as he cries. He rubs his thumb across Jim’s ribs, unsure how else to include himself and hoping this is enough. As he rubs Jim’s back Ed’s hand slips down off Jim’s head and over his shoulder until long, spidery fingers are resting just barely on top of Oswald’s, and Oswald presses his lips together tightly when Jim sobs are no longer muffled by Ed’s shirt. He looks at Ed, at the sympathy and sadness in his eyes, and he moves a bit closer to Jim, pressing his hand firmly against his back and trying to absorb a bit of the sadness from him.

–