#and also why am I always writing these posts in English?

[depressedtheatrekiddo]

"como quieres que escriba una canción, si a tu lado no hay reivindicación" la mai que em va parir xavalada cada cop qscolto l'inici de la cançó se'm va l'ànima del cos

[the-mehlwurm]

PLEASE RECOMMEND ME MOVIES (OR SERIES, I DONT REALLY CARE) BECAUSE I WILL HAVE THE APARTMENT TO MYSELF FOR 2 DAYS SO I CAN WATCH ANYTHING I WANT IN THE LIVING ROOM. ILL BE ABLE TO WATCH TV, GET THIS, ON AN ACTUAL TV! BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO WATCH.

[brokenpinballmachine]

✶ moon rising at 12 o'clock

yan batfam x gn neglected reader

masterlist ch1 ch2(coming....)

a/n: hiii so like,, obviously I havent been on tumblr for like YEARS so excuse if anything looks bad. 2nd thing to get off: I am in now way like PRO EXPERT level, or whatever and this is mostly just for fun so expect like,,, shitty writing/characterization maybe, wonky time schedules etc. This is like my first post in like, what, 5 years?? maybe more?? Im quite new to the fandom so sorry for like any inconsistencies LMAO

TW: mentions of death, GN reader, slightly a crack fic (pov: my excuse to everything i write), neglect (OBV), english is NOT my first language... sorry yall... im not as american as you think..... sentence structure might be a little funky

word count: 3,662 words

summary: basically every batfam x neglected reader plot ever /w like multiverses or whatever,, inspired by a lot of authors + into the spiderverse

chapter 0: finding yourself

────── ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ──────

How many years has it been since you've last seen your mother?

You remember showing up at the door of the Gothic-styled manor, so excited, out of your mind, livid that you were the child of Bruce Wayne. What would you do? What would you say? Would you finally have the regular life that you've always dreamed of? To say you were ecstatic would be an understatement.

The butler next to you, who you soon found out was named Alfred Pennyworth, could only chuckle at your antics, holding your suitcases filled with clothes from your old house.

You were the child of Bruce Wayne and a prostitute who you knew as your mom. She wasn't home often, but that never wiped the smile off your face.

That stupid smile on your face.

Whenever something went wrong, you somehow managed to keep positive, to keep being optimistic. It was one of the traits that your friends always remembered, despite your upbringing.

When your mom did return home, though, she would place a few items of food on the table and leave once again. You never knew where she would run off to.

A vivid memory of your childhood is your mom coming home with another man, both of them turning in your direction when you decided to make yourself known.

It was strange. Why were they holding each other like that? Questions popped up in your mind, but they were shooed away with the flick of your mother's hand, telling you to go to bed. So you did.

You convinced yourself that night that maybe your mother was trying to make a change; perhaps she was finding you a dad? Yeah! That's it! She was just finding you a new dad so the three of you could finally live a normal, happy life. The stories of your classmates also filled your mind, and how their fathers would take them to the zoo, play baseball with them, and even allow them to put makeup on him. You wanted that. You just wanted a father.

When you woke up, you couldn't find either of them anywhere. Maybe they were planning a party for you?

Then a week passed by. Then another. And before you knew it, you had run low on the food supply your mother would always bring you, not knowing it was going to be your last.

You expected your mother to show up in the nick of time to save you from starvation, but it never happened. She never showed up.

Maybe… they were playing hide and seek?

You stopped showing up to school a week before your food supply finally ran out. You had portioned every last bit of food for each day, not allowing yourself to eat even an extra breadcrumb. Even if you never felt full, it was enough to keep you alive, even if you felt numb and more tired than usual.

Occasionally you would fall asleep on the couch, and you wouldn't even realize how long you had slept until you checked the time again.

That was until the day after your supply of food ran out; someone knocked on the door.

Opening it, you peeked your eyes out until they fell upon a tall police officer who seemed shocked at the sight of a small, malnourished child looking up at him, with heavy eye bags despite the constant rest you were getting. He asked you where your parents were. You shrugged.

Before you knew it, you found yourself in the police station as they questioned you endlessly about your parents and their whereabouts.

Your teacher had gotten worried about you not showing up to school or about your parents not answering any of their calls, so as a last resort, she called the police to make sure you weren't dead or anything.

Well, you might not have been dead, but you looked like you were about to pass out at any second.

Of course, when they found you in a dirty, broken-down home that almost looked abandoned, they started searching for your biological father immediately to see if he could house you. At the same time, they were also searching for your mother, but she seemed to either be missing or dead.

And you could still remember your own shocked face when they told you that the Bruce Wayne, multimillionaire, was your damn father. Even if your mom was missing, perhaps you could still have that life you always dreamed of with your dad?

As both Alfred and you went inside the manor, you followed him around like a little duckling as he gave you a tour of every room, and your wide-eyed face was plastered with a big smile as you ran around each room and explored every detail with your eyes.

It was bigger, better, and fancier than you could have ever imagined.

"Master Y/n, would you like to visit your father?" A voice snaps you out of your haze. You see Alfred standing near a door.

With a nod, your little legs run up to him, and the sound of pitter-patter comes from your shoes hitting the recently swept floors, echoing throughout the mansion.

"Master Wayne, your child has arrived."

Bruce didn't bother looking at you. His eyes remained on the many stacks of papers that cluttered his desk. A small cough from Alfred's mouth as he speaks up once more, repeating his sentence. This time, with a tired sigh, Bruce Wayne opens his mouth, each word coming out snappy and tired.

"Not now, Alfred; I'm busy."

And that was it. Those were the only words you heard him speak, and it wouldn't be until a few months later that you would hear him speak again—not towards you, of course, but that never swept off the smile on your face.

────── ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ──────

Richard "Dick" Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake.

The names of your three other siblings.

When you had first met Dick, you stared at him in awe. Your cheerful attitude clashed well with his own, and he would ruffle your hair whenever he talked to you. Well, at least for the first week you were in the manor.

Afterward, he would always give you an excuse, as if the free trial of him being a brother to you had ended. As if he was being held at gunpoint to be the "nice" brother.

"Sorry, Y/n! I'm going out tonight, but I think Tim isn't busy!"

"Sorry, Y/n, I'm feeling a little too tired today!"

Sorry for this, sorry for that. Excuses seemed to be the only thing that ever came out of his mouth nowadays. Whenever he saw you, he would rush out of the house as soon as you came in—like he didn't want to hurt your feelings with the expected answer he would always give you.

The warm light of the manor seemed to make you chillier every time he rejected you, but it was fine. You still had two other brothers, right?

Who were you kidding?

Jason seemed to always ignore you, no matter the situation. The times he did acknowledge you were to give you short answers—a simple "yes" or "no." It wasn't like you saw him a lot, anyway.

For Tim, it seemed to be the same thing, but he did actually live in the house. He pushed you away every second he got, not bothering to even make up an excuse.

It's fine. You had Alfred, you had his cooking, and you had the manor. You had a roof over your head, so you still smiled even if it was foolish of you to do so.

You were extremely grateful for Alfred, of course, being the only one who bothered to check in on you. In your spare time, he would even let you help him cook! Maybe it was something as simple as icing a few cookies or rolling some cookie dough, but you still appreciated his effort to make you feel acknowledged.

Then came Damian.

Oh dear, not Damian.

You were immediately intimidated by him from the moment he entered the house. Maybe it was the threat that came out of his mouth when he first laid his eyes on you, or the small cut he left on your collarbone—spoiler alert: it was both—you decided not to even try to socialize with him. It wasn't worth the risk.

So why was he more beloved in the house than you?

Was it because you decided not to become a vigilante?

Why did Bruce, Dick, Jason, and Tim all seem more fond of him than they ever had been of you, even though you had "known them" for longer? You were jealous, to say the least, but you didn't make your voice heard. It would just cause a mess, and you knew they were often busy, so you brushed it off as you usually would.

You held a small hope that they would eventually notice you, and that was enough for you to keep a childish smile on your face. The innocent smile remained, despite being aware of everything that was happening around you. Your twelfth birthday was just around the corner, and you planned to celebrate it as you usually did: alone with Alfred.

Of course, that didn't mean you wouldn't hand out little invitations. You slipped them underneath each of your brothers' doors, pouring your blood, sweat, and tears into every detail of the handwritten notes before moving on to the next sibling. They never came to your birthdays, but that wouldn’t stop you from trying.

"Master Y/n, where would you like me to hang the balloons?" Alfred's voice rang in your ears. When you looked in the direction of his voice, you noticed your favorite colored balloon in both of his hands, making the smile on your face grow wider. This might be the best birthday you had decorated, like, ever!

"You can hang them up in the corners of the room!" you giggled. "Or maybe we could scatter them on the ground!"

"I'm afraid that might be a safety hazard, Master Y/n," he replied.

You could only shrug. "Hey, it's not as bad as you think!" You gave him a lopsided grin. "I'm sure no one would slip on them!"

Right, quite literally 'no one,' because you knew none of your family members were actually going to show up. Both of you continued to set up as Alfred checked on the birthday cake, the scent of which wafted toward you.

Aw, he shouldn’t have! You could recognize the aroma of your favorite flavor anywhere, and the sight of it made the corners of your mouth drool too. You inconspicuously wiped it from the edges of your mouth, blushing a bit and hoping Alfred hadn’t noticed.

He lit the candle on the cake, and you both sang together.

Despite Bruce never being there for you, you could always count on Alfred. The cool wind blew against the faces of the rest of the family; each one wore a frown as they made their way toward Wayne Manor.

The moonlight illuminated the pathway ahead and shone against their suits, almost mockingly, as if highlighting the mistakes they had made that night.

You know when people say, “Well, it can’t get any worse, right?”

Unfortunately for them, everything went terribly wrong.

They even forgot it was your birthday, Alfred noticing the glitter you used from one of your cards shining in the trash can when he went to throw something away. He didn't have the confidence to tell you; he didn't want to ruin your special night.

So when they suddenly appeared in the dining room, yelling and arguing about whose fault it was, they stopped at the sight of the decorations scattered throughout the room.

Who would be celebrating at such a time? Was this a prank? Bruce had the birthdays of all his kids (minus you) memorized, so what were these balloons and party streamers for?

Then they saw you. They saw the cake next to you; they saw the smoke coming out of the candles, they saw the multiple plates placed on the table and how only two plates actually had silverware next to them, and they saw the childish smile on your face.

You couldn't believe it; your wishes came true! They actually came.

They couldn't believe it. Awkwardness filled the room, and they each fell silent. They hadn't meant to intrude.

Of course, it wasn't your fault that the night went wrong, but Damian couldn't handle it. Your birthday—why did it have to be today of all nights? It was as if you were mocking him for the failure that occurred in battle.

He scoffs, storming out of the kitchen and stomping on one of the balloons while exiting, effectively popping it on his way out.

The sound made you flinch, and it finally brought you out of your daze. You look at Alfred, and he looks back at you, giving you a reassuring nod. You had one chance, and you weren't going to mess this up.

"Oh—sorry! I can get a few more forks if you want some cake; Alfred worked really hard on—"

You were interrupted by Bruce, who raised a hand when you were about to scramble into the kitchen to get more forks.

"No need," he says, "I'll go check on Damian."

He leaves the room, and Jason quietly follows him, leaving you alone with Tim, Dick, and Alfred.

Dick gives you a guilty smile. "Sorry, Y/n, I need to go recharge my battery!" And with that, he leaves.

Tim said something similar to Dick, and soon enough, you were alone again with Alfred. You didn't understand why they seemed to avoid you like the plague, why they ignored you at every opportunity.

The cake tasted more bitter than usual when you took a bite, and for once, the smile faded from your face.

And somewhere out in the multiverse, tonight was the night that made you "snap."

────── ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ──────

Turning 18 was more uneventful than you would think it would be. You finally graduated high school, had a job at a local mart, and your family was still ignoring you. Yet your smile was still there; it was strained at times, but it still lay on your face unmoving, unchanging.

Alfred didn't know how you do it. If he were in your position, that smile would have been gone by the time he was age 10.

You hadn't thought much of moving out, but it was wavering in your head. You would mention it to the butler sometimes when the two of you conversed, much to his dismay.

You were also planning on going to college next year, maybe after you saved up a bit. You hadn't applied for a scholarship yet.

You should probably do that soon.

Your room was still your room despite everything. The colors of the walls seemed to be fading out, and the posters attached to them seemed to be in need of new tape.

What the hell do you do now that you have all the time in the world in your hands?

Well, you decided it would be eating.

You were hungry. That was literally the only reason you went downstairs, but instead, you instinctively started eavesdropping on the conversation between your family.

"—one of them had powers!" You heard a voice that sounded familiar to Dicks.

"What would they—doing here?" You weren't sure, but the tone of this one sounded familiar to Jason.

"Im not sure—careful, they—look out,"

A new voice seemed to join in. "Not—database, I think—the three of them—our side?"

"It doesn't matter—destroy them—" You were sure that voice was Damians.

"Dont trust—need to be careful." This voice sounded older than all of them; it had to be Bruce's. "Who were they? —only appeared today."

Damn, look at you! You were such a great detective. You were able to figure out each person based on the voices. At least you got your detectiveness (you're not sure if this is a word, but you don't care either way) from your dad.

Oh well, they could worry about that themselves. You needed to worry about what to do next.

You make your way through the manor, but an unease seems to be creeping up and into you. Maybe you were just hungry again? Something just felt...off.

You scratched it off as just being worried about deciding what you would be in the future, but the unease never seemed to leave.

When you approached your room, you realized what was wrong. 3 new figures were located in your room. One was sitting on the window, one was standing next to the window, and one seemed to be crouching near the floor.

Each one of them looked familiar, like you.

And you screamed—or were about to until a hand rudely interrupted you and slammed against your mouth.

"Don't fucking try it." The person standing next to the window was gone and instead appeared behind you with their hand over your mouth.

"Vg/n! Don't be rude!" The one sitting on the window cries out expressively as their fancy, almost magical-like, white clothing with f/c accents seemed to bounce. They had a ginormous bow on their chest that seemed quite inefficient to wear.

The person behind you, whom you assumed was Vg/n, only sighed. "We can't let them alert the others," The person sitting on the floor cackles, "As if the family would actually come up to check on them, you think they fuckin' care?"

"No, but Alfred might," Vg/n retorts.

You were confused as hell, but your questions were soon answered when the Vg/n spoke up. "Look, it may not seem like it, but we're all you. Or rather, alternate versions of you."

They remove the hand from your mouth, and you voice out your confusion. "What?"

"Im the version of you where you become a vigilante,"

"Im the one where you become awesome and cute!—" The one sitting on the floor is cut off by the one sitting on the window who is suddenly next to you. "Ignore them, they're V/n, it's you when you become a villain," They have a hand on the side of their mouth as they whisper to you, giggling as V/n throws out a little 'hey!' from the rude interruption.

"Im M/n! I'm the version of you where you become... magical!" M/n strikes a pose with a wand they have in their hand.

It's a lot for you to take in, and you stand there, quiet.

"Ya think we broke 'em?" V/n interrupts you from your train of thought.

You shake your head as they speak. "No, no, sorry, I just... how—why are you here?"

"Well, that's what we're trying to figure out too!" M/n tries to smile reassuringly at you. "We were just doing our business in our universes, and BOOM! we're suddenly together in an alleyway."

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Vg/n staring at V/n with an analytical look, and you had to hold in your laughter.

It must've been like whiplash to them when they found their opposite counterpart.

"Wait—so if you're all alternate versions of me, then... what version am I?"

"Well, you're like the past!" M/n's bow bounces freely on their chest. "Or you can also be the 'true' Y/n if you'd like, but that's debated,"

"Past...? How old are you guys??"

"It depends on who you're asking, but we're all around the age of 23-24!"

You stare at them in shock. Were you going to grow up into one of them? Vg/n... they looked cold, hard, almost like a mini-Bruce. They seemed to always have a frown on your face, opposed to you, who always had a smile. Scars were littered all over their body, both on the inside and outside, and you could tell with a single glance they had been through a lot.

V/n. They seemed to look much better than Vg/n, but at the same time, they seemed more cruel. As if their sense of justice was blurred between the fence of good and evil, as if they had lost themselves.

M/n was different as a whole from the other two. They appeared more 'innocent,' more 'playful,' but the smile on their face seemed to be more forced at the same time.

"So, you guys are trying to get home?"

"That's the gist of it," V/n commented.

"Well, we could ask—"

Suddenly, the three of them spoke up, yelling at you with a big fat no. Jeez, their bat families couldn't have been as bad as yours, right?

Vg/n only sighed at your puzzled face, answering the question that lingered in your mind without you having to speak up. "Basically, our lives were changed on our twelfth birthday. I decided to become a vigilante; V/n wanted revenge, and M/n found a ring that made them, well… magical. Our lives were basically the same up to that point, maybe aside from a few personality differences."

So they were just as bad. Even alternate versions of you couldn't catch a break.

"Well, we should at least discuss this somewhere else; I'm getting sick of this manor," V/n scoffed.

Vg/n didn't say anything, but you could tell they agreed with V/n too, even if they didn't want to side with a villain.

"Off we go!!!" With their wand pointed high, M/n ran out of the room with a cheer, alerting both V/n and Vg/n to chase after your other alternate self, with you following in pursuit. You couldn't even make it to the exit of the manor until you ran into your family.

Your whole big-ass family.

Not even one member—your WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY—OH MY GOD. At the WORST time ever too.

"It's you!" Tim exclaimed.

"It's me!" M/n exclaimed with glee. Vg/n and V/n got into their positions, and so did the rest of the Batfamily.

You knew this was going to turn into a mess.

────── ₊˚⊹ ᰔ ──────

a/n 2: hii ok so for vg/n and v/n you can think of whatever outfit you want, but for m/n, im thinking of like, a madoka type outfit if your going for feminine, or a suit /w a cape (and the inside is the f/c accent) if ur going for masculine!! both masc and fem outfits have a bow on the chest area!

here are the theme songs!!

(M/n = Magical name, V/n = Villain name, Vg/n = Vigilante Name)

M/n: Magnetic - Illit, and fight theme would be Right Now - Newjeans (instrumental)

V/n: Demons - Doja Cat, and fight theme would be Yummy - Ayesha Erotica

Vg/n: Homesick - Wave to Earth

[ramp-it-up]

Knock You Down: IV

Photo credit to @thebluemage. Edit mine.

Part III | Knock You Down Masterlist | As Hard As I Did

Summary: James Bucky Barnes is an avowed bachelor and one night stand artist. But when he meets you, he finds out that sometimes love comes around, and it knocks you down. Finally! Date Number Threeeeee!

This is a follow up to

Word count: 3.5 K

Pairing: Art Dealer (mob boss) Bucky Barnes x Reader

A/N: This is the final part! (For now) I think that this is one that I will definitely write in answer to asks. I just love these two so so much! Thank all of you for rocking with me on this one. This was in part inspired by Seb Stan's latest pics and this press run 🫠, and partially inspired by an old song by some problematic people, lol. This is the result. As usual, I am Basil Exposition, so this is broken into parts.

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. Read at your own risk. SMUT!!!! The end of the Slow burn, now it's burning very fast 😅. Cursing, flirting, jealousy, apologies, Bucky cooking (a warning!), kissing, dry humping, dirty talk in both English and Romanian, voice kink, oral sex (m and f receiving), protected sex (yay Bucky!) And these two are so fucking fluffy. I'm scared, y'all. I want it to be good enough for the build up.

I no longer have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘

I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

-----

As soon as he entered the Brownsville Arts and Culture Center, James Bucky Barnes was hot. Blood was rushing to his ears and he needed a drink. He wasn’t sick; his symptoms were all due to you.

The black dress that adorned your body contained all of his hopes and dreams, but you seemed to be flirting with another man, twirling for him and then giving him a hug. To add insult to injury, you had the nerve to laugh and smile with the punk. 

You in that black dress was everything in the world that Bucky could want, except maybe you out of that black dress. As his eyes traced down your form, he noticed the 5 inch red bottoms that you had on. Yes. You, out of that dress with just the red bottoms. That was what he needed in his life.

But first, he had to take care of that other man.

—-

“Benson’s work emphasizes the subjects’ spiritual essence over their physical appearance, don’t you think?”

You turned around at the sound of the deep baritone. 

“Well hello, Mr. Rogers. How are you today? Delivering an art analysis given to you by AI? Oh. I forgot. You are an ‘art dealer.’ An art dealer who goes to Soul Cycle in Brownsville all of a sudden?”

Steve clutched his heart.

“Ah. I’m hurt, Y/N. I thought we were cool. But I guess I deserved the air quotes.  I do actually love art. I took some art classes when I was a kid and I still love to sketch.”

“Hmmmph. Okay. I’ll give you that. But how is it that you popped up in my Soul Cycle class? Don’t play me, Steven.”

Steve raised his eyebrow at you and grinned. He understood why Buckiy was so drawn to you. Not only were you gorgeous, you were a spitfire. That was hot.

“I would never try to play you, Y/N. I also actually love Soul Cycle. Used to teach a class in Park Slope.”

“I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover, can you?”

Steve’s eyes slid over you appraisingly.

“Speaking of. You look very, very nice today.”

You twirled for him, feeling as safe as you would your brother.

“Nice. Okay, listen. I’m sorry about the other day. I was just trying to protect my friend. And you.”

Steve sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I’ve never seen Bucky like this. He’s never been this smitten with someone before and let them into his life. But I get it now.”

Steve’s blue eyes were almost as beautiful as Bucky’s.

“Bucky is my family. Since we were kids. He’s always taken care of me. And I will do anything for him.”

He raised his eyebrow at you.

“I can see now that means that I will do anything for you, because I have a feeling that you’re gonna be around a lot. So do you forgive me?”

You considered Steve. He was not too different from his best friend, and you couldn’t hold a grudge. Not after Bucky laid it all out to you last night You opened your arms.

“Let’s hug it out.”

Steve chuckled and gathered you into his warm embrace. You pulled back and giggled, grinning at him.

“So what makes you think I’m gonna be hanging around?”

“Well, judging from the look on Bucky’s face, he’s serious about you.”

Steve nodded behind you, toward the door. You looked that way and saw James Bucky Barnes headed straight for you. 

And he didn’t look happy.

—--

“Good morning, Frumoasă. You look stunning today. The exhibit is amazing, the space looks great and it seems that the right people are in the building.”

Bucky came up and placed his hand on the small of your back as he spoke to you, ignoring Steve. His blue eyes were storm clouds at the moment, and his touch was electric.

“Thank you, James. You’re so observant, I appreciate that. And you look very handsome today.”

You looked him up and down and bit your lip, meeting his gaze and the way he kept eye contact as he inclined his head in response. 

Bucky was attractive as hell in his black on black shirt, blazer and slacks. You noticed that his collar was unbuttoned; the medallion hanging on his chest made you want to take it between your teeth. You stared at it for a moment, imagining such a scenario where that could happen and then met his eyes again, prompting desire to roll through you as Bucky licked his lips. He was right there with you.

You smiled at him in a way that you didn’t smile at Steve. Who was Steve Rogers, anyway? You could hardly remember meeting him as your mind went to the feel of being in Bucky Barnes’ arms.

You sensed an air of proprietariness as Bucky took your hand and kissed it, causing a shiver to run down your spine. Possessive Bucky Barnes felt like a sin you wanted to indulge in. You cleared your throat and looked at Steve, as if surprised to find him still standing there, watching the show.

“Well, I see some board members over there, I’m going to go do my job. Talk to you later, boys.”

You walked away and gave them a wink over your shoulder, and you caught both of them looking at your ass. You shook your head and chuckled as you went on your way.

“You trying to steal my girl?”

Everyone stopped when Steve laughed, his deep boom a distraction. Bucky still wasn’t amused.

“Oh. So you’re in love.”

“What?”

“You’ve never worried about me taking your leftovers or vice versa before. Hell, we’ve even shared–”

“Shut your fucking mouth.”

Bucky snapped at Steve who put his hands up.

“Whoa, there. Just yanking your chain, buddy; I know she’s special. I wouldn’t dream of making a move on her. Not that she knows I’m alive. When you walked up, I thought I was going to have to take off my jacket so you two could fuck on the floor.”

Bucky was barely listening to Steve as his eyes followed you around the room. One thing Steve said was echoing in his mind: “So you’re in love.”

—-

You floated through the rest of the day on a cloud. The exhibit was a smashing success with the 

Board of Directors in attendance. Securing Howard Benson’s penultimate work from Rebirth was the feather in your cap. 

And you had Bucky to thank for it.

Bucky’s visit was also a hit; he and Steve charmed the board members with the help of Sam and Nat, who arrived later. They all made amends for what occurred that week and you were left very impressed with James Barnes.

After a couple of hours at the event, Bucky came over to let you know he was leaving.

“I will see you later, Frumoasă. I have much to prepare for tonight. Nico will pick you up at 7:30.”

“See you soon, James.”

He kissed your hand again.

“See you soon, Y/N.”

—---

“It is actually insanely attractive how you handled yourself in the kitchen.”

You were seated with Bucky on his couch in his living room, looking over the New York skyline from his Brooklyn penthouse. The dessert had been delicious and the wine in your hand was spectacular. 

“I was sure you’d order something in and just play it off. But I watched you create a meal in front of me, and I should have known that if you said you were going to cook, that you would do just that.”

Bucky’s heart beat double time at what you were saying. He wanted so much for tonight, but most of all, he wanted it to flow naturally. He saw that you were relaxed and open to him, which pleased him immensely.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Frumoasă. I enjoy cooking for my friends and family. Cooking for a beautiful woman is a treat.”

Bucky’s eyes slid over your form. You had changed to jeans and a color block sweater that just put your cleavage out there for the world, which was Bucky Barnes, to see. You also wore the same red bottoms from that day, and Bucky was beginning to think he had a foot fetish as you took them off at his entryway.

You took a sip of wine.

“How often do you do that? Cook for a woman?”

You barely hid your curiosity.

Bucky smiled and drained his glass, reaching over to refill it.

“Not as often as you’d think. Never had any other woman over here. Food is not usually the top priority with them.”

You pouted, which was so cute. Your spark of jealousy inspired Bucky.

“But I don’t want to talk about anyone else. Tonight is about me and you.”

Any uncertainty that arose was quelled by his assertion. You grew warm, so you finished your wine and rose to go to the window. 

“This is the most gorgeous view I’ve ever seen.”

“Absolutely agree.”

You looked behind you and Bucky was still sitting on the couch, hands spread out on the back of it, checking you out. You gave him one of your adorable smiles and he came to stand behind you, and took you in his arms. 

“I want you to know that you deserve everything, Y/N. To be cheered on and protected every day. And thoroughly ruined every night.”

You turned around and his hands went to your hips. It was the perfect moment.

“James?”

“Can I have a kiss?”

Bucky’s eyes dilated, and he moved his hand to your cheek. He licked his lips as he looked deep into your eyes.

“Ah, Frumoasă. I thought you’d never ask.”

His first movement was a subtle brush of your lips. He pulled back to assess the situation, and you didn’t know why, but that made your nipples tighten into stiff peaks. You gasped as Bucky watched you hungrily. 

The air seemed to change around you, and you shivered. He lowered his head so his lips could meet yours again, and this time his mouth was gentle but demanding. You gasped at the spike of electricity that flared between you and Bucky took the opportunity to dip his tongue into your mouth, scorching your lips and soul. With a low groan, he shifted your angle, bending you backward a little to kiss you deeper and ripping a moan from you as you melted against him. 

Good lord, could the man kiss. 

At that point, he was holding you up, one hand on your hip and one hand on the back of your head as you molded yourself against him. Bucky’s fingers dug into you, sure to leave bruises the next day. You relished the thought as you moaned into his mouth again, giving him the opportunity to continue destroying your soul. 

Bucky dragged his lips from yours reluctantly and stared at you, eyes almost black with desire. He brought his thumb up and wiped the moisture from your bottom lip. Motivated, you captured his digit, drawing it into the hot wetness of your mouth. He stared at you, mouth open, as you looked him straight in the eye and started sucking.

Bucky moaned as he pushed his thumb deeper into your mouth, and walked you back to the couch. He extracted his finger, watching the show your lips put on as he pulled it out, leaving them in a delectable pout. 

“More,” Bucky demanded as he crouched down and took your head in both hands as he kissed you again. 

His hands wound up in your hair, tugging gently, then on your back, then your ass as you arched your back to fill his palms. Bucky picked you up, then deposited you on his lap as he sat down on the couch, and you felt how aroused he was. His thick length was where you needed him most.

“Fuck! That feels good.”

Bucky was watching you grind on him like it was the best show on earth. Then he looked up at you.

“Yes, yes it does.”

He leaned forward and captured your bottom lip between his teeth, a preview of how rough he wanted to be with you. Then, he went in for another kiss. That continued for a good five minutes until he pulled away to stare at your swollen lips, and down to your cleavage, which was practically in his face.

When his eyes met yours, you were entranced.

“You good? You want this to happen?”

You nodded and took his hands in yours, guiding them up to your breasts, squeezing yourself with his hands. You rolled your hips, causing his breath to hitch in his throat.

“Like you said, James. More.”

You continued to grind on him, causing him to just gape at your body moving on his.

“I’ve dreamed of this so many times…”

“Yes? Tell me about your dreams, Baby.”

His hands moved to find your nipples through the lace of your bra and the wool of your sweater. He found them in no time, and pinched them lightly, then more roughly when you moaned.

“Mmmmnnnn. So fucking hot.”

Bucky kissed you again and then pulled away as he stared you down and tortured you. 

“I dream about marking you up,” he kissed your neck under your chin, “to your clavicle,” a kiss there, “and all over this beautiful flesh until I get to your nipples.” 

He looked at you for any signs of discomfort as he slipped his hands under your sweater to find the thin lace there. He found your hard peaks again and started rolling them both in his fingers.

“Then I want to kiss and suck them until you come in my arms.”

“Holy god, Jamie….”

Bucky’s eyes rolled at the second pet name you called him and continued.

“Wake up so fucking hard every morning since I met you. Then, I daydream about how wet and tight you will be after I made you cum, and how good it would feel to… to give you my cock. Do y’like that idea, Frumoasă?”

“Y-yesssss!”

“O să te fac să vii pe penisul meu iar și iar, Frumoasă.”

You almost came right then.

“D-don’t know what you said, but yes to whatever you just suggested.”

Bucky pulled you to him, and then chuckled into your ear.

“It means that I want to make you cum over and over again on my cock.”

You were already making a mess in your jeans, but you knew he could feel you soaking them at the moment.

“Please. Give it to me?”

Bucky groaned and kissed you again, this time encircling your waist in his grip and pressing you down on his bulge. 

“You know I can’t deny you anything. Are you certain?”

“Yes, James. Please…”

He lifted you easily, kissing you as he walked you down the hall to his bedroom, depositing you on his bed. 

“Y��look so fucking good.”

He crawled toward you on the bed and settled between your thighs as you hitched your leg over his. You pressed your core against his bulge and it had you muttering.

“Too many clothes.”

Bucky leaned up and you were fumbling with his button and he with yours. You looked up and laughed. 

“Maybe faster the other way.”

“Agreed.”

You two made quick work of your own garments, flinging them around the room between frenzied kisses. The way your eyes widened when Bucky got naked made his chest swell. He wanted you to always look at him like that.

“Wow…,” you said as your eyes roamed his physique.

His cock seemed massive as it slapped him on the abs.

“Wow, indeed,” replied Bucky as he took you in hungrily.

Your white lace underwear looked amazing against your skin and against your cunt it served to make him hungry.

He moved toward you again, kissing up your leg until he got to the edge of your panties and nudged his nose there, making you squirm.

“Smell so good, look so good…”

Bucky kissed at the edge of your underwear,

“I just know you’re gonna taste good too..”

He moved to the center of you, placing a kiss over your lace-covered sodden slit. Then, he looked up at you and smirked before he leaned down and licked you over your panties. 

“Fuck.”

He pulled your panties to the side and gazed at you there. 

Those blue eyes threatened to steal your soul as he gazed at you and confessed, “This is the most gorgeous pussy I’ve ever seen,” and proceeded to lick a rude stripe up the center of you after he tore your panties away.

“Oh my god, James.”

You rolled your hips again and reached down to feel Bucky’s soft hair. He pulled your hips closer and his lips suckled you with more pressure, adding one finger, then two to stretch you out. 

“Gotta get you ready for me, my love.” 

Your eyes rolled back into your head as you moaned through Bucky thrusting his tongue inside you, then pulling back to focus on your clit.

“I c-can’t.. I–”

“Give me my cum, Frumoasă!”

You locked eyes with him as he buried his face in your cunt and shook against him as you came embarrassingly fast, pulling on his messed up curls.

“So fucking delicious. Taste.”

He took your head in both hands and kissed you deeply, and you responded by sucking your essence off of his tongue. You reached down and started stroking his cock, overjoyed and a little bit scared that your fingers didn’t meet around him as he unclasped your bra.

Bucky whimpered as your thumb came up and stroked his sensitive head, spreading his precum over the wide, mushroom cap.

“You’re so fucking huge, Bucky…”

Bucky pulled you toward him as he reached into his bedside drawer for a condom and a bottle.

“And you’re so wet, Furmoasa. We will make this work. Believe me…”

You continued to stroke and watched him as he brought the wrapper to his teeth and him tearing it open was about the hottest act of sexual protection you’d ever seen. Somehow, your mouth ended up sucking his tip as you watched his eyes roll back into his skull.

“That beautiful mouth…”

Bucky put his hand on your head as you tasted him experimentally, wondering if you’d ever be able to take it all. He seemed to read your mind as he spoke next.

“Don’t worry, I plan on us having a lot of practice with this later, but if you don’t let me put this condom on, I’m gonna cum all over your face, Frumoasă…”

You looked up at him and grinned as his cock jumped in your mouth, but you finally pulled off of him with a pop.

“I need to feel you around me when I cum love. S’all I’ve been dreaming of all week.”

Now his chest was heaving as he rolled the condom on, and he pushed you back onto the bed as his hand went to your core once again. You were even wetter than before and Bucky smiled at you, lining up and kissing you on the forehead as he began to breach your folds.

When he slid inside, your fingernails curled into his shoulders and your eyes grew wide. Bucky stopped, concentrating while his cock pumped, barely inside you.

“There is nothing. In the world. Like being inside your soft, wet, cunt.”

“Fuckkkkk!” 

You became even wetter and he slid fully inside you. There, Bucky waited for you to get adjusted around him.

“So fucking tight. And hot. Just like I knew you would be.”

“More, Jamie!”

Smiling, Bucky started moving and you gripped him as he stroked in and out.

“Please don’t stop. Harder!”

Bucky grabbed the headboard and gave you what you wanted. His other hand pulled your hair and his strokes became more intense.

“Wanted to last longer, but I can’t, Baby. So beautiful. Pussy made for me. Cuming soon, but later… O să te fac să vii pe penisul meu iar și iar, Frumoasă. I never make a promise I can’t keep.”

You orgasm whited out your vision and your throat burned as you screamed. Bucky roared, filling the condom with copious amounts of cum. Your cunt was milking him and he hoped it would hold. He stayed sunk into you as long as he could before he had to get up and rid himself of the prophylactic.

He was only in the en suite for a few minutes as you floated in and out of sleep, lust drunk and exhausted.

Bucky climbed back into bed and got both of you situated under the covers, whispering in your ear.

“Stay tonight.”

“Of course. That was the plan, wasn’t it?”

Both of you chuckled, because you knew it was true. Bucky kissed your ear and waited for your breath to even out. When he thought you were asleep, he whispered again.

“I’m going to be a better man for you, Frumoasă.”

“You are exactly who you need to be, James Barnes. Just keep moving forward. Tomorrow is another day to do that.”

After a few more minutes, you spoke again.

“Tomorrow will only be a week that we’ve known each other. Imagine that.” 

Bucky buried his nose in your hair, inhaling your scent.

“Guess I better wait until tomorrow to ask you to marry me.”

You laughed a sleepy laugh.

“You got jokes.”

“You know me, Frumoasă. A professional comedian.”

But somewhere in the dark of Bucky Barnes’ closet, a diamond found some light and sparkled.

——

The next morning is here ;)

Please, please! Let me know!

[adambja]

✴️THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND✴️

The Guide - the only post you will ever need to understand how your subconscious mind works!

1. Time isn't real

Let me break it to you! Time isn't real at all cuz think about it all these hours and numbers are made by humans!

But how?!

They just track how the earth moves around the sun and that's all

Yes without time there will be morning and night and still these hours aren't real

As in whole THE UNIVERSE!! TIME DOESN'T EXIST IF YOU AREN'T ON THE EARTH!

which GETS US TO THAT ONE POINT

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND REPROGRAMMING DOESN'T TAKE 21 DAYS OR ANY TIME

Subconscious mind reprogramming is instant

That's why I always add it to my tapes as benefits and that's why I made the benefits! cuz it bypasses the conscious mind and it makes it easier for your subconscious to make it reality!

So basically it all comes down to what you assume!!

2. Languages

I got that question a lot about what if I can't speak English, will the affirmations work?

Yes ofc they will

whatever it's affirmations only or my tapes

Even if you make your own tapes it will work!!

3. Thoughts

Is it really "it is what it is"?

Yes, it is what it is

For ex.

if you think you already got 50k US DOLLARS you already have it it's that simple (like that success story a girl experienced with one of my free tapes she manifested 50k US DOLLARS! - also this one success story - The tape is on YouTube btw)

Again it all comes down to what you assume!

4. Assuming

Assuming hmmm... Do you know that all your thoughts are assumptions?

But there are two things about these thoughts!

Did you assume that they are real and true?

Do you assume that whatever you want is already achieved?

Do you assume that you are always right?

Or did you assume that it can't happen cuz you think you are lying!

Just be honest with yourself

Get a piece of paper and write everything you think about down ABOUT A SPECIFIC MANIFESTATION YOU GOT ON YOUR MIND!

And if you think you are lying why? Ask yourself! Make all that noise go away and clear it for yourself! You deserve better

Now this gets us to another point which is your manifesting self-concept and your self-concept they are very important for ur existence like they are the core of your life! So a little advice work on them then do whatever you want!

Cuz it changes the way you think and what you assume

So like a person with a bad or mid self-concept they will always assume the worst for themselves

Another person with a good self-concept they will be aware of who they are and what they are capable of!

5. Thoughts, Feelings and beliefs!

Again and again

How you feel is created by thought

Subconscious programming → beliefs → feelings → thoughts

So if you keep saying "oh I am sad" multiple times you will be sad it's just that simple

Use it for your own good!

And imagine what... Right now

Your beliefs will reflect in your reality after one thought instantly after reading this post so be careful cuz i already manifested this while typing this!

And listen to in control tape by me on YouTube!

Basically you can always create beliefs instantly cuz you believe that time isn't real... Did you know what we are doing here? Just assuming the best for us but you still have to be constant to get used to it and make it a part of your programming like everyday

Someone like me I enter the void every time I nap and sleep I got used to it and I don't even feel tired anymore when I wake up there and I don't use it that much anymore!

I literally enjoy how easy it is in life to do whatever I want and experience whatever I want!

6. Simple assumptions to have a good relationship with your subconscious mind

I will give you 10 affirmations from my paid subconscious mind tape at the end (I know it won't be the same as the tape itself because of the benefits but still it might help you guys!)

Do you know that your subconscious mind is here for you like a parent it's like your personal assistant - it has everything about you, your memories and it controls ur whole life it accepts every single thought you think about unless you say it it's not something you accept so it gets in your subconscious mind like "oh I don't accept this"

Even the negative statements your subconscious mind knows it negative!! Same thing with the positive statements

Like for ex.

I am not a bad person - negative statement

Your subconscious mind acknowledges it!

Your subconscious mind won't take it in like "I am a bad person" without the "not"

Even the same thing with

I am a good person - positive statement

Your subconscious mind acknowledges it TOO

The subconscious mind ACCEPTS THE NEGATIVE STATEMENTS TOO!

IT IS simply WHAT IT IS!!

It's not the opposite at all as some weird bloggers said! Or even that book about the subconscious mind it's called "the power of the subconscious mind by Joseph Murphy" it's full of bs and limiting beliefs - I genuinely hate it

I literally saw a coach in Saudi Arabia on X (PREVIOUSLY Twitter) selling a whole course for almost 30k USD and sharing all the limiting beliefs in that book and that was months ago!

I mean at least IF YOU ARE MAKING PEOPLE PAY FOR SOMETHING PROVIDE THEM WITH THE BEST THINGS AND INFORMATION

I hated how some people let some crazy stuff like that get to them without doing their own research or just creating their own rules!!

Be a little independent please for your own good

Your subconscious mind can be programmed instantly YOU DON'T NEED ANY TIME all you need to realize and understand is that yes "I always reprogram my subconscious mind instantly" and YOU JUST NEED comfort and just repeating the affs - this is a way

Another way to do it - make your own tapes and it's just repetition

Another way to do it - simply be it be whatever you want to be! Like it's already you!

One last way to do it - my free tapes + paid tapes they are very effective they work from the first listen because they have benefits again what actually made my tapes get that much success stories is the benefits

I am gonna upload 2 new free tapes they are small but very effective! Everyone here will like them!!

🎀10 Affirmations for your subconscious mind🎀

from my paid subconscious mind tape

Affirmations:

Me and my subconscious mind are one.

My subconscious mind already accepts everything I say as true.

My subconscious mind already accepts everything think about as true.

My subconscious mind is already my best friend forever.

My subconscious mind always helps me with everything.

My subconscious mind always loves me.

My subconscious mind always helps me reach my highest potential in this lifetime!

My subconscious mind already believes what I want it to believe easily effortlessly quickly and instantly.

My subconscious mind always manifests everything I want easily effortlessly and instantly.

I have a perfect relationship with my subconscious mind.

Thank you guys for all the support and love and I hope this post helped you!

If you have any questions you can always send an ask I will be happy to answer them whenever I am free! Also you can dm me if you want a paid tape or a custom tape!

One last thing these tapes are with benefits they aren't like any other tapes that are available everywhere these days! 🎀

Enjoy!💗

[nightwngz]

Oh my beloved, here's a little idea for you!

'Am I the asshole for dating my best friend's ex?' Where Barry absolutely couldn't let slip the opportunity to have Hal's pretty ex for himself, well, she doesn't belong to him anymore right?

Like, he sees that she's so sad because of the breakup and he's just so nice, gentle, kind with her, why not give him a chance? Barry knows that it must sucks to not have someone to kiss :(((

— 𝓔𝐱 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 ✩!!

barry allen x fem!reader

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀… Smut. Dirty talk. Fingering, p in v.

𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁. . . no copying of my work is allowed. Free translation is allowed as long as I am credited.

𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲. . . as I said in my other posts, English is not my first language. I have tried to make corrections with the translator, but as you all know, it is prone to making mistakes, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or if anything sounds weird.

𝗻𝗼���𝗲. . . Omg, omg! You practically read my mind because Barry is practically my current obsession. By the way, sorry for the delay, dear, I didn't quite know how to write it. 💗

Barry and Hal have always been best friends. They got along so well that even when you were dating Hal, it never occurred to you that Barry might betray his trust, not even if you suggested it yourself.

And after spending so much time going out with your friend and sharing dinners, lunches, and breakfasts, with a bit of a hangover in between, you started to think that Barry could also become a good friend for you.

Even after you broke up with Hal, Barry continued to stand by your side, supporting and indulging you.

Though you never suspected him of double-dealing, Barry remained neutral about your breakup. It's not that he didn't care about Hal; in fact, he had more than once questioned whether he was doing the wrong thing by approaching you, even after you and Hal had ended things.

But yes, he was a complete asshole for approaching you in the first place, and he was even more of an idiot for falling in love with his friend's girlfriend in the first place.

He had fantasized about Hal's girlfriend countless times, and many of those times he had to restrain the desire to touch himself by thinking of you, so as not to betray him.

But it wasn't until he saw you crying on the floor of your apartment with a bottle of alcohol in your hand that he realized you were no longer his best friend's girlfriend. The relationship had ended, and although you were still dealing with the aftermath of the breakup, there was nothing that alcohol and other distractions couldn't alleviate.

"Hal is my friend, but sometimes he can be a real jerk. Don't worry, if you need to vent, go ahead," he suggested, trying to be friendly.

However, when you took his lips without permission as a means of release, Barry neither objected nor resisted. He thought that given your situation, it must be terrible not to have anyone to kiss.

Sad thoughts about Hal vanished the moment Barry's tongue entered your mouth. Maybe it was just what you needed to forget, since not even he, as your ex's best friend, seemed to care what Hal might think, and even less so did you.

Barry had inevitably thought of Hal. He couldn’t help but remember his friend while his ex-girlfriend’s tongue slid into his mouth and he felt her hips moving until she was straddling his belt. However, he didn’t stop; in fact, the thought that she no longer belonged to him crossed his mind, which only drove him to continue.

It was too late to regret when he felt your hands sliding down his hips, pulling at his clothes. He couldn't resist pushing you onto your back, landing on top of you and pinning your body against the couch.

He kissed you desperately as if you were his last meal, holding you tight with his hands and his tongue on your mouth, exploring every inch of your skin that was still hidden under the fabric he hastily removed.

Even as he slid his fingers aside your underwear, without removing it completely, to enjoy caressing your wet crotch, he smiled. He knew he had what he so desperately wanted, like a whimsical child with his new toy.

"Did Hal miss out on all this? Too bad for him that now I have to take care of this tight pussy." He whispered in your ear with a grin, licking his fingers gently so you could hear the obscene sound close up.

And finally, when he got inside you so deeply that tears welled up in your eyes at the intrusion, you felt completely convinced that you had done the right thing by breaking up with Hal, something that Barry also agreed with. You smiled at the thought that he had taken advantage of the situation and looked at him, convinced that he had orchestrated the whole thing for his own benefit.

"Don't look at me like that, honey. It's not my fault that Hal missed how deliciously tight your pussy feels. . ."

[elllisaaa]

hii, how are u?? can i ask for a seventeen reaction of you watching caratland and teasing them or something like that, thank uu

teasing seventeen about caratland

-> words count : 2.3k words

-> genre : fluff

-> sorry if I made any mistakes, english is not my first language.

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !

-> author's note : omgg you're so on point because the moment i saw mingyu dancing to sticky, i knew i wanted to write something like this lmaoo thank you so much for sending in an ask, hope you'll like it !

-> masterlist | svt masterlist

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL

You had often joked about the Smart challenge to your boyfriend by reading some of the comments the fans posted on social media, trying to get him to really do it. So when you realized that he was really going to actually dance to the choreo during Caratland, you broke down in a fit of laughter. When he came to see you in the morning, you welcomed him with a big smirk stretching out your face : “Hello Mister shaking-my-ass, how are you ?” - “Oh, shut up.” Seungcheol groaned as he bypassed you to flop down on your couch, arms crossed on his chest and pout on his face. “Don’t be like that, you big baby, it was cute.” - “But I don’t want to be cute !”, your boyfriend groaned, “I want to be manly. And handsome. I am right ?” You couldn’t really tease Seungcheol for long, he was too adorable for you to do so as you settled beside him, pecking his lips softly. “Yes, you are. But you’re also very cute.” - “Y/N !” You giggled as his pout returned. He was definitely cute. 

YOON JEONGHAN

You were used to your boyfriend being an absolute babygirl, you were used to him being an absolute menace. However you did not plan how seeing him dancing to Tap would leave you speechless. Honestly, you wanted to tease him a little for taking it so seriously and giving it his whole. But the fact that Jeonghan walked in on you watching the clip over and over kinda wrecked your project. “Like what you see, darling ?” You jumped on your spot on the couch, pushing your phone under the cushion as if you didn’t do anything. “Not at all.” - “I feel like your lying sweetheart.” - “Am not. Not everything’s about you, Hannie.” But your boyfriend only chuckled as he launched forward to grab your phone and unlock it, watching the video of him dancing playing on repeat as your cheeks heated up. “You’re so obsessed with me !” - “Stop ! Give me my phone !” But Jeonghan didn’t and only kissed your temple as he scrolled through your last liked tiktoks, seeing that it was all him and being very satisfied with the outcome of this all. You could never tease Jeonghan. 

HONG JOSHUA

“Josh ?” Your boyfriend raised his head up from the book he’s been quietly reading by your side while you were scrolling on your phone beside him in bed. You haven’t been able to watch all the content from Caratland yet and you were only now catching up. “Yeah ?” - “You should rap more often.” You picked his curiosity enough for him to close his book and turn to you. “And why’s that angel ?” You simply shrugged, but he knew you well enough to notice the little smirk tugging at your lips as you pretended to be unbothered. “Just because. You’re good at it, that’s all.” It was Joshua’s turn to smirk as he nudged you with his elbow. “Mh, yeah, of course. And it’s not because you think I’m hot when I rap ?” - “You’re taking your dreams for reality I think.” You really tried to stay composed but the way he was tickling your sides to force you to admit the truth made it difficult. You should’ve known that teasing Joshua would be a bad idea.

MOON JUNHUI

Jun always took it very seriously when it came to dancing to girl’s groups songs, and that was because you do too, especially when you were both doing random dance challenges and it became sort of a competition. So when you saw that he gave his all to dancing on Sheesh by Babymonster, you giggled while looking at your phone. “You did really good, baby.” Jun groaned softly as he lifted his head from where it was resting against your chest, looking up at you seemingly lost. “What are you talking about ?” - “Sheesh. You danced very well to it ! I teached you well.” A smile took over his features, and a blush spreaded on his cheeks. Girl’s group choreos were your passion, your area and he always felt so proud when you complimented about it (despite him being a professional dancer, yes.) “Yeah, you’re the best, baby. I’m not at your level yet, though.” You giggled as you kissed his forehead, and Jun hid against your chest again to not let you see how red he was.

KWON SOONYOUNG

Your boyfriend was a good dancer, you knew it, everyone knew it, so you were not surprised to see Carats swooning over how good he danced to Siren. And even if you had grown used to watching him wreck the stage, you were always impressed at the energy he was able to put into his moves. But that didn’t mean that you will not tease him, because that was your job as his girlfriend. “You’re such a loser.” - “What !? I didn’t even do anything this time !”, Soonyoung cried out, seemingly offended by your comment. You rolled your eyes as you turned your phone around to show him the clip of him dancing during Caratland. “How does that make me a loser ?”, your boyfriend whined as you tried to hold back your grin. “You want to show off so bad, we know you can dance, no need to try that hard.” You were then left with a whiny Soonyoung for the rest of the day. But when he asked you if he did good with his cute pout, you couldn’t keep up your act longer and you showered him in praise because he was perfect and you loved him. 

JEON WONWOO

Wonwoo was maybe the only one in the group that tried to hold his idol image as much as possible - well, he sometimes slipped up but people often thought that he was the most normal and that said a lot. So seeing him dance to Queencard made you break in a fit of laughter, while your boyfriend was clearly not having it. “You’re done ?” You looked at him as you replayed the video once again, tears gathering in your eyes from smiling too much. “No ! You don’t understand how funny this is.” Wonwoo rolled his eyes at you, trying to focus again on his game rather than on you giggling nonstop at him. “I’m just dancing, you’re overreacting.” - “You’re dancing to Queencard, Nonu, that’s very different. I always knew you were a bad bitch deep down.” Wonwoo grabbed the plushie you had gifted him that was sitting on his desk in your direction, your cackles intensifying. He loved you, but sometimes he thought you should've been a part of Seventeen instead.

LEE JIHOON

Jihoon was always adamant on the fact that he wasn’t cute. No matter how much you insisted on the fact that he was indeed adorable, he always refused to listen to you. so your teasing about how cute he was dancing on How Sweet by NewJeans was not an exception. “Come on ! You have to admit that you’re at least a little, tiny bit cute.” - “I am not.” - “Nah, I won’t accept it, you’re definitely cute.” Jihoon sighed and let you go on and on about how endearing he was one more time, as if he hadn’t been teased by his members about it enough. They really had to give him that type of song again, uh ? Last year, you had made a fuss about him dancing to Ditto too, when was this going to stop. But when you started to pepper his whole face with sweet kisses, Jihoon couldn’t hold back the smile stretching out his lips. And maybe, just maybe, that it wasn’t that bad in the end. 

LEE SEOKMIN

It was a well known fact that Seokmin was born to be a comedian, and his sense of humor was one of the main reasons you fell in love with him. And it never failed to amaze you how he always found a way to make everyone laugh. So when he dropped by your apartment after Caratland and you opened the door already chuckling and giggling to yourself. “Why are you making fun of me now ?”, he pouted as you let him make himself comfortable while you couldn’t stop thinking back to the fake abs during Guilty. “Can’t I just appreciate how hilarious you are ? I must say the shirt under your sweater was kind of genius.” When it finally clicked in Seokmin’s mind what you were talking about, he laughed too. He had this idea last minute, because he wasn’t too fond of showing much skin on stage, and he was glad that the majority of their fans, including you, followed his antics. “Well, of course, I wouldn’t let anyone other than you see my abs baby.”  

KIM MINGYU

Mingyu could argue with that as much as he wanted, you knew that deep down he was a baby girl. So you weren’t really surprised upon seeing videos of him dancing to Sticky by Kiss Of Life on every social media. And actually, it made you almost mad how he was better than you at shaking his ass. “Kim Mingyu !”, you called from the bedroom. Your boyfriend walked in mere seconds after, puppy-like eyes staring at you and a pout already forming on his face. “What’s going on, baby ?” - “Why didn’t you tell me about that ?” You turned your phone around to show him the clip of his dance, and his cheeks immediately reddened, as he grabbed your phone to turn it off. “Stooop… It’s embarrassing.” - “It’s not when you shake it that well, baby.” That only made him more shy and you giggled as he sulked about how mean you were. But as soon as you apologized with a little kiss, he was all smiley again.

XU MINGHAO

You were actually in the audience, witnessing your boyfriend willingly dancing to Maniac, both amazed and ready to make fun of him for the next few years at least. When you joined him backstage, Minghao knew from the grin on your face that you were going to tease him. He rolled his eyes at you as soon as you got closer to him. “I didn’t even say anything.” - “But I know that you’re going to.” You pouted a little, but he was right. “Come on, did you see yourself on stage ? Of course I have to tease you. The one and only Xu Minghao shaking his ass for the whole world to see ? That’s going down in history !” As always, you couldn’t help going overboard, but Minghao would be lying if he said that he didn’t like it, so he simply waited for an occasion to shut you up with his lips on yours. You immediately stopped and you went to wrap your arms around him instead. “You did very well, Hao.” - “Thank you, princess.”

BOO SEUNGKWAN

It was actually Seungkwan that brought it up himself, going on and on about how proud he was of his cover and how happy he was that Carats liked it. And it was true, he looked very good dancing to Boom Boom Bass, but you would never pass on an opportunity to tease your boyfriend. “It’s okay, baby, we all know you’re an amazing dancer, no need to brag like that.” - “And no need to be so uptight.”, scoffed Seungkwan as he gave you one of his infamous side eyes. You had to bite your lip to contain your smile as he started to rant about how you could never let him have his moment, until you weren’t able to hold back anymore and you broke out in laughter. That only left you with an even more sulky Seungkwan. “I was joking, baby ! You know I’m proud of you right ?” - “I don’t want your compliments now, they’re forced.” - “Don’t be like that.” You kissed his cheek and cuddled closer to him as you focused back on the show. And soon enough Seungkwan sighed and embraced you again. He loved you even if you drove him crazy sometimes. 

CHWE HANSOL

You were quite excited when Hansol told you that he would probably dance to Supernova by Aespa because you really liked the song. So when you watched the video with him by your side, you really had to hold back your laugh and smile as you witnessed your boyfriend slaying the choreo with a straight face, as always. “So, what do you think about it ?” You turned to face Hansol, trying to keep your composure, but a small grin had made his way onto your face. “What ? Was I that bad ?” - “No ! Stop saying that everytime I see you dance, you know you’re great. It’s just… Do you really have no emotion ?” He groaned at the neverending joke. When it was coming from you, he knew it was only to tease him at least. “That’s getting old, you know ?” - “But I’m not tired yet.”, you answered innocently. And Hansol shook his head at you despite a little smile stretching the corner of his lips. 

LEE CHAN

Chan always took dance challenges very seriously, no matter who it was and what the choreo was. So even if it was only supposed to be a silly cover, he gave his all into dancing to Fast Forward. Plus, he knew that you liked this song and he wanted to make you proud of him - it was his number one goal every time he was on stage. So when he came to see you, a few days after Caratland, he was expecting you to have already seen the video, just like every time. “Uh ? You dance to Fast Forward ? I didn’t even know… I’m sorry baby, I’ve been quite busy.” - “No, it’s okay, no big deal.” But you could clearly see the disappointment in his eyes and Chan was too adorable when he was like that. So you sighed and simply gave up on your plan, covering his whole face in kisses instead. “You don’t know me that well if you don’t think I’ve already liked every single video of you.” Chan giggled shily, but he liked your attention, liked how you always made sure to shower him in praises. It was impossible to tease him, not when he looked at you with his sad puppy eyes.

-> i don't allow any copies, reposts or translations of my work.

svt taglist (fill in this to be added) :

@hann1bee @heevllog @lil-kpopstan @lichyuu @bewoyewo @foxinnie8 @jaderabbit-98

[yuujispunches]

What the fire left behind ~ N.K.

Pairing: Nanami Kento x Haibara’s sister!reader

Summary: Nanami saw how many lifes the Shibuya incident had taken and he hated that he wasn’t one of those, but what he hates the most is the fact that you make him want to live it.

CW (content warning): mentions of death, grief, mentions of injuries, blood and burns, this is honestly angsty af!

AN (author’s note): This is absolutely canon, exactly what happened in Shibuya, I refuse to accept anything else. This is purely self-indulgent and I’m already thinking about making this kind of a small series so let me know if you guys would be interested in it! As always a reminder that English isn’t my first language and I’m typing this on my phone so I’m sorry if there are any typos/mistakes. Hope you like this! :)

Requests are open so feel free to send them! (you can check the list of character I write for on my pinned post)

<<Prequel || Masterlist

His name had been on the list, it was the first one you looked for while you were still covered in blood that you no longer knew if it was your own or someone else’s. Nanami Kento, MIA. You felt like you were fifteen all over again, looking at your brother’s body covered by a white sheet.

A few days later you got the call from Shoko.

It was Geto’s voice, his real voice, before the body was stolen, the one that used to be familiar to you before the war came, that echoed in your memory when you heard the news “You know, Nanami never really got over Haibara. Not really.”

You didn’t know why but those words kept replaying inside your head time and time again as you sat in the hallway outside the medical wing of Jujutsu Tech, you’re not sure you ever did either.

Your brother’s name had been spoken in reverence and ruin over the years. First with the weight of grief, and then, in Nanami’s voice, with guilt that aged like wine bitter, potent, undrinkable and almost poisonous. You knew the way Haibara’s death had shattered you, but you also saw how it cracked open something deep in Nanami. Something no one else could fix.

You didn’t want to resent it. You loved him too, after all. Both of them, even if it was in different ways.

The door to the room opens with a slow creak. Shoko steps out, gloves in her hand, the smell of antiseptic clinging to her. Her face is unreadable, but her eyes are tired.

“He’s stable. Mostly. But…” She looks at you for a long beat. “He might not want to see you.”

You blink. “Because of what happened in Shibuya?”

Shoko shakes her head. “Because he’s still alive.”

That hits you like a punch to the chest.

You stand, legs shaking more than you’d like, and walk into the hospital room. The kind that smelt of antiseptic, loss and pain. And there he is.

Nanami Kento. Alive. Scarred. Burned. Broken.

Your mouth goes dry. Not from horror not even surprise, but from the crushing, suffocating weight of finally seeing him.

He doesn’t look at you, he’s just there, unmoving and hollow.

He sits on the bed, hunched forward, shoulders broader somehow under the pale blue of the hospital gown. His left side is a mosaic of bandages and raw healing skin, from his temple down to his hand. What little flesh you can see is mottled and blistered, the ghost of flame still haunting it.

“Ken…” You say, barely audible.

He stiffens, and that’s all. No warmth, no softening. Just that familiar, ever-present restraint, turned now into armor.

“You shouldn’t be here.” His words come out hoarse and strained and yet they somehow seemed to resonate in the whole room.

That doesn’t stop you. You cross the room, your steps slow. Careful. Like the ground might break apart beneath you.

“But I am.”

He turns his head, just slightly. Enough for you to see his left eye, milky, sightless. The scars curve down his cheek like ash hardened into skin. He doesn’t flinch when your eyes land on it, but he does look away again.

“You should go.” He barks.

“No.” You state, firm despite the fact that you felt like everything around you was crumbling down.

He exhales slowly. “You’ve seen enough grief for one life. You don’t need to carry mine too.” He didn’t have to say his name for you to know what he meant.

You step closer. “And you’ve helped me to carry mine for a decade. Let me share yours.”

His silence is deafening.

“I thought you were dead.” You whisper. “Again.”

A muscle in his jaw twitches. “I was.”

You sink into the chair beside his bed, trembling with something like fury or grief. You can’t tell the difference anymore.

“I watched Mahito rip souls apart. I watched civilians beg for a death that wouldn’t come. I saw Itadori break. But none of that hurt like seeing your name on the list of the missing. Because I knew what that meant.” You say, your eyes trained on the heart monitor that was attached to him, as if to make sure that it was real.

His fingers twitch on the blanket. He still hasn’t looked at you.

“I prayed.” You say. “For the first time since Yu was killed. I begged for you to be alive, even if I knew you’d hate it.”

That makes him turn. Just barely.

His voice is quieter when he speaks. “I didn’t want to be saved.”

You swallow hard. “Too bad.”

And then the silence grows thick and dense like fog, like smoke, like every word left unsaid between you since the day your brother died.

——————————————————————————

The first time you met Nanami, you were fifteen.

A brat. Over-eager. Too stubborn for your own good.

He was eighteen, quiet and already too old for his age. Haibara had pulled him into your orbit like gravity. You’d hated how serious he was, how polite. You'd teased him relentlessly.

But secretly, you’d watched him. Watched the way he protected Yu, the way he stood still and solid like a tree with roots deeper than any curse could touch. And after your brother died screaming, burned away from the inside, you watched Nanami crumble under it.

You had loved him even before then. Quietly. Devastatingly.

The years passed. You both became sorcerers in different ways. You, out of stubborn legacy; him, out of reluctant obligation. He left. You stayed. And when he came back, it was like finding a piece of home buried beneath years of ash.

But nothing ever happened. You danced around it. Both too tired, too haunted, too stubborn to name what lived between you.

And now? Now he was trying to disappear all over again.

——————————————————————————

He doesn’t return your calls. He’s discharged quietly and relocates to an old apartment near Ueno Park. You find the address from Ijichi, who gives it to you with a nervous look and a muttered, “He’s not… really letting anyone in.”

That doesn’t stop you. You show up at his door one week later.

He doesn’t answer at first. But he opens it eventually.

When he sees you, he sighs. “You’re persistent.”

“I’ve been told.” You shot back.

He leans in the doorway. He’s wearing a loose long-sleeve shirt that hides most of his injuries. His hair’s grown out slightly, messier. His glasses are gone. The left side of his face is still discolored, the scar tissue thick like tree bark. But his eye, his one good eye, watches you with quiet restraint.

“Why are you here?” He asks.

“Because I don’t want to grieve you twice.” You answer as if it was obvious.

He says nothing.

So you add, “And because you’re not the only one who loved him.”

That gets him.

He opens the door wider. He doesn’t say anything, just walks inside leaving the door open. You take that as an invitation.

——————————————————————————

Life settles into a strange rhythm after that.

You visit once a week. Bring groceries. Sit quietly while he reads. Sometimes he talks. Sometimes he doesn’t.

He won’t let you touch him, not yet, but he stops asking you to leave.

One day, while washing dishes, you find one of Haibara’s old photos tucked into a drawer. The three of you, grinning in a blurry snapshot outside the school. Nanami’s smile is small. Yours is crooked. Yu’s is blinding.

You stare at it until your hands start shaking.

When you turn, Nanami is watching you.

“He always thought you’d end up a better sorcerer than he was.” Nanami says quietly.

“He told me once that he never wanted me to be one at all.” You breathe out.

“You shouldn’t have been.” His voice is quiet, distant despite the fact that you’re standing right next to each other.

You nod. “But neither should you.”

He looks at you, and this time, you see it, that bone-deep grief that never went away. The ghost of your brother standing between you like a wall neither of you know how to climb.

“I was angry at the both of you.” You admit. “For years. After he died. You were supposed to protect him.”

His face doesn’t change, but his body stiffens like you’ve struck him.

“I know.” He says quietly.

“And then I realized he probably died trying to protect you.”

His voice cracks when he answers. “He did.”

“I couldn’t understand it, why would he do that? Why would he sacrifice himself and leave me behind?” You said, fighting to keep your voice from trembling. “But then I saw your name on the list of missing people in Shibuya, I understood it then. I would’ve given everything to be in your place, for my name to be on that list instead of yours” You pause for a moment, breathing deeply. “I would‘ve done the same thing he did.”

You walk to him, standing close. Close enough to touch but you don’t, not yet, not now.

“He wouldn’t want you to carry it alone.” You stated.

Nanami closes his eyes. “He wouldn’t want me to drag you into this you either.”

“I’m not a burden.” You say. “Not to him. Not to you.”

His eyes open. And for the first time, something in him breaks, softens.

“Then stay.” He says. “Just for a while.”

——————————————————————————

He lets you touch him weeks later.

It’s late. The city is quiet. You’re curled on the couch together, his head resting on your shoulder. His hand finds yours.

When your fingers brush over the thick, raised scars on the back of his hand, he flinches but doesn’t pull away.

You don’t say anything. Just hold him.

Later, he murmurs, “It still hurts sometimes. Phantom pain. Heat. Pressure. Like I’m still burning.”

You kiss the side of his head, the one that’s littered with scars. “Then let me help carry it.”

He turns his face into your neck. Breathes in deep. “I don’t know how.”

“We’ll learn.”

——————————————————————————

You kiss for the first time on a cold morning in November.

He’s dressed in a soft sweater that hangs loosely over his frame. His hair’s damp from the shower. You’re making tea. He leans in, hand on the counter, and you see it in his eye before it happens. The weight of it. The fear.

You reach for him.

And then his lips are on yours gentle, unsure, but most of all desperate, as if you were the only thing still tethering him to this world.

You taste grief, and salt, and every year you’ve wasted waiting for this.

When he pulls away, he whispers, “I shouldn’t have done that.”

You pull him back. “Do it again.”

And he does.

——————————————————————————

Not everything is perfect.

There are days he disappears, emotionally, mentally. Nights when he wakes in a sweat and refuses to speak. Mornings when he stares in the mirror too long and doesn’t recognize the face looking back.

But you are there. With tea. With silence. With patience.

One night, months later, as winter frost laces the windowpanes, he comes to bed late. You’re half-asleep when he slips under the covers, arms wrapping around you from behind. Carefully.

“I cared about him.” He murmurs into your shoulder. “In my own way.”

“I know,” you whisper.

“And I think… I think I love you.” He mumbled before taking a deep breath as if the words he was about to say would stop the world from moving. “I know I love you.”

You turn to face him. “I know that too.”

His lips find yours.

And this time, he doesn’t pull away.

——————————————————————————

The healing is slow. Not linear.

There are nights he still wakes up sweating, gasping, convinced he’s back in that alleyway. There are days when he can’t stand the sight of himself in the mirror. When you touch his scars and he shudders, not because of pain but because he still doesn’t understand why you’d want to.

But you stay.

Through the silence. Through the guilt. Through the days he wants to disappear.

You stay.

You sit beside him when he visits the graves of those who didn’t make it. You bring him coffee the way he used to bring you. You learn to live around his scars, not in spite of them.

And slowly, he comes back to you.

He begins reading aloud to you again at night dry, philosophical texts that you only half-listen to, lulled by the sound of his voice. He lets you fall asleep on his chest, even though the left side still aches sometimes. He starts smiling again, first small, then real.

One morning, you wake to find him already dressed, shirt sleeves rolled up, burn scars visible.

You blink. “No gloves today?”

He shrugs, sipping his coffee. “Figured I should get used to people staring.”

You sit up, watching him. “You sure you’re ready?”

“I’m not.” He admits. “But I’m going with you.”

And he does.

To the market. To the bookstore. To the world.

They stare, of course. Some longer than others. Children ask questions their parents don’t know how to answer. But he holds your hand, steady and firm, and he doesn’t look away.

Later, when you’re walking home, he squeezes your fingers.

“Thank you.” He says quietly.

“For what?” You and as you to look up at him.

“For seeing me when I couldn’t.”

You stop, fully turn to him. “Always.”

And in that moment, scarred, still healing, still learning Nanami kisses you in the middle of the street, sunlight filtering through the clouds above like grace.

He’s not who he was. But he’s here. And you’re here.

And that, finally, is enough.

taglists are open so let me know if you want to be tagged for future works! :)

[slushnubwrites]

Room Secrets

Tw: Smut/Sexual content

(Hii this is my first tumblr post/writing I hope whoever reads this enjoys. I thought this man was toooo fine, and needed more stories, if there are any spelling mistakes I am sorry english is not my first language. I also appreciate feedback just please don't be mean!!)

Kwon Jae-Sun, ever since my team Miyagi do & I got to the Sekai Taikai he was a prick. He was Cobra Kai's captain so of course he'd be an ass. Any chance to try and start a fight he'd take it, any chance for a snarky remark he'd take it, he was an asshole, and to piss me off more he'd make flirtatious comments, and send me winks here and there, but I never took him seriously. I hated him, hated his team, hated how he fought, hated how he always had a stupid smirk on his face, hated his attractive accent, hated how his hair was cute, spiky, and perfectly framed his face. I hated his face, his really good looking face that was hard to look away from. I hated him, but it was hard to deny, and say that he wasn't hot cuz God was he hot.

After all teams had been announced they told us to gather at the aquarium for something like a "field trip" so we'd all get to know each other and make "friends". Did they think that would actually work when all we want is to rip each other's heads off? It was so boring, but eventually everyone could depart. I'm walking around, and hear a couple of cheers and laughs, as i'm about to walk in, the crowd dies down, and people start walking out. I decided to wait for my team to walk out since everyone was leaving, and lucky me to see Kwon walk out and walk up to me.

"Hey princess if you need place to sleep feel free to come knock on my door now that I have your friend's room" he said it with a dumb grin on his face. "What are you talking about?" you asked annoyed and confused written all over your face. "Ask your loser teammates who can't kick" he starts walking away but right before that, he leans into your ear, you feel his breath on your cheek sending a shiver down your body as he whispers "and i'm not joking about the room sweetheart" you could hear the dumb smirk in his voice. "In your dreams" you say with a snarl, "every night" he whispers again, with that he walks off with a wink and smug look on his face. You start to picture some questionable images with what Kwon said, but you know you shouldn't, and quickly stop yourself, you bite your cheek and start looking for your friends.

You walk up to your defeated looking team in a small huddle. Robby looking the most disappointed and Miguel having an "I told you so" face. "Hello?? what happened, and why is Kwon walking out with your room keys??" You glare at each of them searching for an answer. Demetri speaks up "Robby here gambled our room over a stupid kicking competition". "I'm sorry okay!" Robby exclaimed defeatedly. "Okay well whatever happened get over it no distractions, you can stay in the girls room, just don't be idiots next time, c'mon" I tried to be positive but hated that now i'd have to share a room with four extra people.

It was time to sleep now after the guys brought in their things, found a way to fit themselves on the floor, and had an argument that made me want to kick their heads off. I lay awake in bed, I couldn't sleep, thoughts and nerves racing through my mind. There was something else though, I was trying my hardest to ignore it, my hardest to shake it out of my mind. That spiky hair, those bold black eyes, him in that compression shirt that hugged his figure. "Stop it" I thought to my self, it wasn't right to think about him like that, he was on the rival team, he was in Cobra Kai.

I get up and walk to the restroom, my eyes sting a bit from the brightness, I put cold water on my face trying to ignore every thought. I know I won't be able to sleep, and suddenly I remember something from earlier. "If you need a place to sleep feel free to come knock on my door". "No I can't do that" I thought to myself. Plus he was joking, then you remembered his words "and i'm not joking about the room sweetheart". No there's no way, he couldn't actually be serious...right? I mean we hated each other.

I hated myself for what I was doing, I knew this was wrong, I wanted to punch myself for this, but I couldn't get myself to stop or turn around, or even think right about what the hell I was doing. Maybe I should just go back to my room, but I was too close and tired to go back now. I'm standing in front of his door, or what I hoped was his since he won both. I prayed that I wouldn't embarrass myself more if his teammate was in this one.

I lightly knocked on the door, after a few seconds I convinced myself that maybe he or whoever was behind the door was asleep. Plus my fear was telling me that I should just go back, as I'm about to turn I hear the door knob move. I almost shit myself as the door opens, and there I see him, black sweats, red shirt, wet hair, God looking hot as ever. Water was dripping from his neck into his shirt sticking to his chest, and the water dripping down his veiny buff arms were not helping my imagination either, he honestly looked lick-able.

"I'm so stupid why am I here"?? I mentally yelled at myself. "Hey princess my bad I was getting out of shower when you knocked". "It's okay I was about to go back, I figured you were asleep since it's late" I say with a light smile. He returns a really faint smile saying " No, I practiced with Kreese for a few extra hours that's why". "Oh okay, well I should go, you must be tired, and I'm sorry if I bothered I just-". He cuts me off and with a smirk says "I wasn't joking when I said you could come to the room you know?, so don't worry. I am not tired, I train hard everyday, harder than your team could ever imagine". I scoff and roll my eyes, God he is always a cocky asshole, "okay well if you weren't joking I do need a place to sleep, I can't seem to shake any thoughts and nerves away". "Why princess you can't stop thinking of me"?, I scoff "Yeah you wish, now can I come in before somebody sees us".

"Yes ma'am" he says with a light chuckle opening the door wide enough for me to walk in, God I hated him, but I can't deny that made me feel something. I'm walking in and surprisingly it was really neat, I feel his eyes burn holes into my back as I keep walking. He closes the door and I hear it lock, I start feeling nervous, it gets quiet, but not awkward. I walk to the bed on the right, I get on the side to the nightstand, and set my phone down. I turn to ask him a question, not realizing how close he was, our bodies basically pressing together. My breath hitches, we make eye contact and I instantly look away trying to remember what I was going to ask "Um s-so-" he leans in and I feel his breath on my face as he towers over me. "What's wrong are you nervous"? he smirks and whispers as if we're not the only ones in the room.

I try to keep my composure but it's so difficult when he's only a few inches away from my face. "N-no" God why'd I have to stutter, I mentally palm my face. I look up at him and he knows I'm nervous, I want to wipe that smirk off his dumb hot face, he starts talking "Okay well we should go to sleep" he starts to turn. I know I shouldn't, I know it's dumb, and we're rivals, but I couldn't help myself. We were here, alone, no one had to know so why not. I hated him, but I couldn't deny how attractive he was, and the things he made me feel.

Before he makes a full turn I grab the edge of his sweatpants and lightly pull him back, "wait". He looks at me with a blend of curiosity, and confusion on his face. "Is something wrong"? he asks. I slowly let go of his sweats "Um no I was just thinking that um, I don't know uh" I was trying to get the confidence to say it but it was too hard to think with him staring at me waiting for my answer. "Whatever you need to say, say it" he says with a hint of concern. "Why'd you invite me to come here? I mean we've both been nothing but rude and snarky to each other. We basically hate each other" I say it with concern, and speed trying to get it all out without getting nervous.

He chuckles, and gets even closer to me, he grabs my chin making me look up at him, "I do not hate you, not one bit, yeah I like to mess with you, because it is cute to see you get all mad at me". I open my mouth to say something but he cuts me off "I invite you here because we can be alone, no senseis, no teams to bother us. Of course if you want to sleep then we will, and if you want something else we can do that too" that last sentence was laced with something else like he wanted me to pick the something else. I wanted it yes, but I was too afraid to say it, and yes we're alone, but part of me felt like I was betraying my team.

I ignored my thoughts, and quickly worked up a bit of courage "I want the something else" I whispered with not as much confidence as him, "okay, and what would that be"? he said it like a question, but I knew he knew. "Our senseis and teams would kill us you know"? I reminded him, but honestly I wasn't sure if I cared anymore. He moves his hand from my chin and cups my cheek "You think I care what they do? I've wanted you since I saw you walk in to the Sekai Taikai, I needed you since then". Hearing him say that made me snap, in that moment all my fear, and all thoughts about karate disappeared. "Kwon kiss me" I grip the collar of his shirt, and he grabs my hips with his other hands. Our lips clash, the kissing is slow at first, gentle, his lips are soft and I don't want to ever stop . Slowly we start to speed up, breathing is getting harder but neither of us wants to stop first. We pull apart for a second, our foreheads against each other's, we start to catch our breaths he looks at me and whispers "are you sure you want to do this?" "I'm sure".

With that we press our lips back together, he picks me up my legs wrap around his torso, I grab the back of his hair and tug a bit. He moans and slips his tongue in my mouth, he's holding both my legs with his arms and moves us to his bed. I'm now straddling him still playing with his hair, he moves his hands to the end of my shirt and slowly pulls it off of me. I move a bit back admiring him as he pulls off his red shirt. His biceps flexing as he pulls his shirt fully off of his head. I can feel him hard underneath his sweats, and I start to grind on him, I hear him groan as he starts unclipping my bra and helps me take it off. He flips us over and cups my cheek, he looks at me with a sweet, and hungry look in his eyes "you're so beautiful" he whispers to me and gives me a peck on the lips, he starts to kiss on my neck sending shivers down my body.

I had no idea what to say, he looked so good, and I wanted him to destroy me "thank you" he then stops and says "if you ever want to stop say it okay?" "okay I will". He starts to lick and kiss down my stomach, while making eye contact with me. I look away getting nervous. "Look at me, if you don't look I stop" his accent, the way he was looking at me God I could feel myself getting wetter. He licked right above where my underwear starts, Kwon grabs my legs opening them wider, and licks my pussy through my underwear. He chuckles "You're so wet I can taste it through your underwear", he comes back up and starts kissing me aggressively, I taste myself on his tongue. I feel him grind on me through my underwear, I want to feel more of him so I start tugging on his sweats signaling him to take them off. He starts kicking them off, and I return to running and tugging my fingers in his hair, I pull him closer, I feel his dick through his boxers, and it's lightly grinding on my throbbing clit through my underwear. "Fuck" is all I'm able to muster taking a quick second to breathe before he pushes his lips back onto mine. One of his hands plays with my nipple pinching and rolling it in a fast motion, while the other starts to pull my underwear down, I pick my hips up so he's able to fully slip them off.

We pull away to catch our breath, "P-please Kwon" I'm basically begging him he knew what I wanted, but he wasn't going to give it to me so soon. He's still rolling my hard nipple getting me wetter, I'm probably leaking on his bed, he starts sucking on my right boob and licking my nipple while looking into my eyes. All of a sudden I feel Kwon open my legs and he starts going down again, but not before he sucked on my left nipple, and rubbed on the other, it felt so good I picked my hips up grinding on him, "You are so cute, so needy". He pushed my hips down and started to kiss around my pussy sucking on my thighs, and then sucking on my pussy lips. "Mmm" I start to whine, "Kwon I need more please", "You'll get what you want princess be patient" I can feel him smirk into my pussy.

I'm about to whine again when I suddenly feel his tongue inside me. I gasp "oh my god Kwon", he starts to move his tongue in and out, "d-deeper please" I whine, and he does just that, I start to grind on his face while he's tongue fucking me. He starts hitting my g-spot and I can feel my legs start to tremble. Kwon pulls out his tongue and moves up to my clit he slowly starts to lick, and suck on it. I hear and feel him moan into my pussy, it sends a vibration through my body, he goes back to sucking on my clit, slowly teasing me when he knew what I wanted. "Look at me and tell me what you want", he then gets his two fingers and starts circling my pussy hole, I can feel his fingers playing with my wetness. "I-I want m-more, I want you to make me cum". His eyes turn dark and he smiles with a look of confidence, "Yes ma'am" he starts to slowly stick his two fingers in my hole, stretching me, it felt so good, I could feel my legs starting to shake again.

With his other hand he grips my thigh and widens it more "look at this pussy taking my fingers so well" he chuckles and starts to go faster curling his fingers, he then moves down bringing his tongue to my clit circling it. I feel him start to slowly suck on my clit while his fingers continue to abuse my hole, he's making eye contact with me as he continues to suck. I start to grind on his face, he starts to suck faster, my legs, are now on top of his shoulders, my legs start shaking, and a knot starts forming in my stomach. I can feel him smirk while he sucks, and I can't help but squeeze his head with my thighs. That doesn't make him stop as he starts to finger me harder, he's groaning into my pussy, the knot in my stomach only growing stronger.

I open my legs again, Kwon pulls his face away from my clit, switching his gaze between my eyes and my pussy. I'm grinding on his fingers as he starts going even faster, my pussy clenches on his fingers, and he knows that I'm close. My back starts arching, I can't control my body anymore, I'm shaking, I can barely form a sentence let alone a word. "K-kwon I'm so c-close oh my god" I feel so out of breath, and my voice is shaky I can't control myself. Kwon gets his other hand and grips my neck, the knot in my stomach almost snaps. "I know you are close, c'mon princess don't be shy". He curls his fingers adding a third, and going even faster, I moan so loud I pray these walls are sound proof. "HOLY SHIT" my whole body starts shaking and Kwon is still gripping my neck forcing me to keep my eyes on his, he shows no signs of stopping.

I feel the knot in my stomach snap, it all feels so good, I start seeing stars, my legs are shaking, I try my hardest to calm down, but it's all so much and Kwon is still going. "I'm not stopping till you let it all out" he pulls me in and starts kissing me. I try to kiss back but he's winning and I can barely move my lips, the kiss is sloppy and heated. He hasn't stopped his fingers, and I keep moaning, I feel another release as he lets go of my neck and starts rubbing circles on my clit. I feel myself finishing again but this time it's messier as I'm squirting and all my juices are landing all over his stomach, all on his arm. Part of me was embarrassed and wanted to stop but it felt too good, and I could tell Kwon was really enjoying this. I feel the shaking start to slow down, my breathing slowly going back to normal. Kwon starts to pull his fingers out, and gives me a light kiss, he then gives me a small smile and asks "are you okay?". I slowly catch my breath and return a smile "I've never been better", he gets up and goes to the bathroom getting a towel so we could both get cleaned up.

When he returns we start to clean, and I put my pjs back on with his help, as I'm about to walk to the other bed he stops me by picking me up. He carries me to the other bed even tho it was only like 3 feet away. I simply laugh as he sets me down, and hands me a bottle of water, "It is a good thing I beat your friends and got the extra room so we could have this bed to sleep in". I laugh and roll my eyes "I guess it was", we both start to get cozy and settle under the covers, I use his arm as my pillow. Before going to sleep and turning the lights off we talk for a bit, both our voices start to get low, and we could feel the sleepiness taking over. "If our teams ever find out we're dead" I told him followed by a yawn. "I know, but I do not care" said with a hint of seriousness and playful tone. Before deciding it's time to sleep you look at him and say "goodnight Kwon, and good luck tomorrow cuz I'm kicking your ass, you better not go easy on me" you give him a light smile as you start to settle and close your eyes.

As you feel yourself fading into your sleep you hear Kwon give a light chuckle and reply "Goodnight princess, you too" he gives you a small kiss on the forehead, and with that turns the light off.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

I don't know if this is the right place to vent this, but since this is a writing/fandom blog, I'll give it a try. Apologies in advance if my message feels out of the place.

So... has anyone, like me, ever felt "unwanted" by their fandom?

Context: I write for a small fandom (1,500 works on AO3), and I write there from the beginning and foundation (4 years). The thing is: I don't write in English, I write and post in my first language, so my audience was always been very restricted, even if there were (and still are!) a couple of kind souls who translate with Google my stories and read it. I am the most prolific writer in this fandom. And that's a fact: counting the numbers of words published, I am the one who has written more in the whole section. Despite all of this, I have never gotten the chance to become a "fandom big" because of the language barrier. That's okay, I can survive, and I still write every day to update my ongoing longs. Anyway, since this fandom is very small, we are also thirsty for content. Every time an artist posts a single fan art on Tumblr (good or bad or mid) everyone flocks and reblog, putting nice tags and kind words of support. Every time I update a fic (I'm the only one writing regularly)... radio silence. I know they don't own me anything. And it's okay if they don't want to try to engage with my writing, but still... it breaks my heart. It's like I'm invisible. And what's worse... when people talk about our fandom stories on Tumblr they always refer to old fics, to authors who didn't update their stories in years... it's always like they are excluding me on purpose. And I don't know why. When I try to engage, to leave a nice comment on a fic or on a piece of art... they don't even acknowledge me. They always act super enthusiastic when an artist makes a new drawing... but when I put a new chapter, a new story... nothing.

And what's worst: when a "fandom king" makes a post about a headcanon or something... it's always something that goes against something I've written in one of my stories. As they're trying to say: "Don't read those stories. What the author is trying to say is just rubbish. Don't even acknowledge them. "

I don't even know if I'm just being paranoid because I have always been ostracized as a kid and even in my teen years... so it's like a curse I can't wash off myself, and I see people pushing me aside because I'm still suffering from this.

Sorry for the vent... I just would like to hear another voice about my situation. I don't have friends, and even when I try to make "fandom friends", well... I'm not so lucky, as you can see.

Thank you if you would like to read my message. I send a big hug to anyone who is suffering from this kind of issue.

anon, I fully believe this is a language barrier thing. you can’t expect people to engage with you when they can’t engage with something that’s, I assume, in language they don’t understand. and don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with writing in other languages that aren’t English. but the thing is that you can’t expect people to engage with something that’s not in the language they know, it’s… just not possible. because even if they want to, they just don’t understand what the work even is about.

and Google translate is actually shit when it comes to actually translating. you only get what the text is about (and even then there’s still a 50/50 chance the translation will be off completely) but not the actual feeling, something that can only be translated by humans and not robots, that’s why most people don’t use google translate to help read fics or books in languages they don’t understand. I also know when most people search for a fic to read, they only search for their language and filter out fics that aren’t in their language altogether. so that’s why. I don’t think they’re trying to exclude you, I just think that it’s impossible for them to engage with your works. and I want to make it clear that I am in no way saying you should only write in English, all I’m saying is if your works are in languages that (some) people don’t speak, then they’re not gonna be able to read your works because google translate sucks at translating and if they don’t even have a glimpse of what the works are about, they’re not gonna bother trying to translate them in the first place.

again, this isn’t to say “oh you should write in English” or “works that are written in English are better” at all. write in the language you’re most comfortable with because at the end of the day you should be writing for you. just, you know, don’t get discouraged if people can’t engage with your works.

*also wanted to add that you can’t expect people’s headcanon to fit yours either. I mean headcanon don’t even fit canon. it’s all about the creativity and imagination of artists, you can’t expect them to think like you. that’s not how fandoms work. people will have their own hcs / interpretations of the characters, just because they’re different from yours doesn’t mean they’re trying to throw shade at you. even my own friends in the fandom I’m in and write for have headcanons that are the complete opposite of my fics. and it’s fun to see different perspectives from people. you don’t have to agree with them. but I really don’t think they’re insulting you by posting headcanon that go against your fics, I just think they’re just having fun and having their own interpretations of the characters.

[talon-dragonbeast]

Anglocentrism in alterhuman communities: ramblings of a Spanish-speaking dragon and a cat

[original in spanish here, though i have no doubt that this version will be disseminated more widely] • [original en español aquí, aunque tengo la certeza de que esta versión se difundirá más ampliamente]

this post was originally written as part of The Sol System's Alterhuman Writing Challenge. written by @talon-dragonbeast, with the help of my sibling @watcherwingedcat. we hope you like it!

word count: 2422

This writing, which is more of a rant with myself than a proper essay, is one I've been meaning to write for a long time; ever since I first joined an online community, to be more precise. Anglocentrism, according to Wikipedia (and yes, the irony of the article not being available in Spanish is not lost to me), is "the practice of viewing the world primarily through the lens of English or Anglo-American culture, language, and values, often marginalizing or disparaging non-English-speaking or non-Anglo perspectives."

If you are monolingual and your native language is English, chances are you have never stopped to think about the advantage this gives you over those of us who are not so fortunate as to be born with the lingua franca on our lips. Yes, you may have had to study some Spanish in school, but let's be honest, very few people remember what they learn in elementary school. As an English speaker, the whole world is built for you, and it's the rest of us who have to fit your mold. Culture, scientific articles, movies, books, video games, the internet, online communities, technical language, educational videos: even in the most international spaces, everything revolves around English. Which brings me to the subject of this writing: The Alterhuman community.

My name (as I am known on the internet, at least) is Talon. I've been a member of the alterhuman community, and more specifically, the otherkin community, for a little over a year now. Otherkin (a word that comes from other, in Spanish otros; and kin, shortened form of kind, in Spanish tipo) are people who identify as nonhuman in some way. For example, I identify as a dragon (among other things), and that's what I am, even if I look human on the outside and am perceived as such. There are many reasons why someone might believe they are not human, but I'm not here to discuss that, so let's get back to the topic at hand.

Since I've been in this community, I haven't written a single post in Spanish. And not for lack of desire, nor because I am intimidated to share something as personal as my mother tongue. No, the reason is simple: The community does not exist in any language other than English. By this I don't mean that there are no non-humans outside of England or the United States, because of course there are (even if they are on other platforms like TikTok or Instagram), and I'll talk about those later. But simply put, the reason you don't see many alterhuman communities in other languages is because all the resources, the introductions, the chronologies of the (English) alterhuman community, the definitions of the terms, the terms themselves, everything is in English.

I have always been bilingual. Well, trilingual actually, although my third language is not too relevant in my day to day life and I only use it in classes or when someone starts a conversation in the language. It's hard to explain how your brain works when you speak multiple languages fluently, but basically it's like running two parallel systems at the same time, but with thoughts. I don't usually think with words, but when I do it usually happens that some of my thoughts are in Spanish, and others in English, roughly in a 50/50 ratio. Or it can also happen that I start the thought in one language, but finish it in another. Or I may try to use a specific word in English that does not have an exact translation into Spanish, so that when translated literally the sentence does not make sense. Basically, everything I write or say out loud I have to run it through several filters first, one to remove the words from the other language, one to find the words to replace them with, and one to make the sentence make sense. Sounds exhausting, doesn't it? It is. Now imagine if in order to express yourself as you really are, in order to participate in a community with beings who understand and accept you like no other, you had to basically suppress half of who you are, all the time.

The problem is not only not being able to use my native language to express myself. As I have demonstrated in the last year and a half that I have been in this community, I am fluent enough in English not only to be understood when I speak, but also to express such complicated concepts as the self, human nature, the psychology of being, and all that comes with existing as nonhuman. The real problem comes when I try to express relatively common alterhuman concepts in my native language. I'm not just talking about labels like otherkin or therianthrope, which can be adapted to Spanish with relative ease. It's the little things, the simplest things.

For example, the term shift. The word itself is already difficult to translate; during my searches, I found a glossary of terms on the Otherkin Hispano website in which they call them "desplazamientos", which... is an accurate translation, I guess, but impossible to use comfortably in everyday life. There are also terms whose definitions use expressions that simply cannot be translated into other languages. For example, otherkin and otherhearted. In English, the difference between these two terms is that otherkin means "[to] identify as" while otherhearted is "[to] identify with". But this is a purely English expression. In other languages, the distinction does not exist, or it makes no sense to use it; therefore, these terms are totally inaccessible to any international user. Or compound words like "catkin", which are difficult to express in other languages. According to Otherkin Hispano, in Spanish it would be said as is without translation, Soy catkin. But that... is not grammatically correct, since it would be mixing two languages in the same sentence. The most appropriate would be to say Soy gatokin, which sounds wrong and doesn't make sense anyway, because kin is still an English word. Or "hearttype", which in Spanish could be roughly translated as "tipo del corazón" (kind of [the] heart). When saying that you have a specific hearttype, for example "corvidhearted", one way of expressing it could be a simple Soy corvidhearted, which carries the same problems as catkin. Or you could, as Wikipedia advises, say Soy corazón de córvido ("I am heart of corvid"). I don't dislike it, to be honest, but some might find it too metaphorical or poetic.

Finally, and before reaching the conclusion, I want to dedicate a few paragraphs to talk about the alterhuman community that exists in other languages. I mentioned before these communities; that although they do exist, they are very scattered through platforms such as TikTok or Instagram, with which I am not so familiar. But since I can't talk about Anglocentrism without at least talking about the Spanish-speaking alterhuman community, I asked my sibling Watcher @watcherwingedcat what it thought about the topic. This is what they wrote:

Hi guys, I'm Watcher, and I'm here to talk a bit about the Spanish-speaking therian community, which I think is the pristine example of the hate we receive both from people outside the community and from those inside, both Spanish and South American. While this post focused more on the language barriers, I want to focus on the real consequences of this barrier, how it divides us in the way we interact with each other: The social part of this whole thing (as I already said some other time or another and some of my followers know, I am studying Social Education, so from my point of view the social part is very relevant for everything we do). As my sister already said (hi Talon!), the English community is the majority in alterhuman spaces, but, what is the Spanish-speaking community really like?

Not very large, is the answer. The term itself is not very widespread, and the community is quite small. However, after a while of searching, I found it in a little corner of the internet. When I found a community in my own language, I was excited, but my curiosity and joy were soon extinguished... When I saw the reactions to their videos and posts on tiktok mainly. They were packed with hate messages. Packed. If you think hate in the English community is bad, you are not prepared for the hate received in other communities, especially the Spanish one. This is more a matter of culture, a little bit also due to the closed mindedness in countries like Spain, Argentina, or Colombia.

In general, the non-humans of the Spanish-speaking community mostly post about quadrobics and masks. At least, I haven't seen much beyond that, and the community is mostly in tiktok. And the reception of their expression of way of being? Disgusting. To give an example of how bad the hate is, in one of the videos I found (I think it was a therian making a mask or something), humans and non-humans were insulting the therian posting the video, discussions about how we are crazy and sick in the head and should be in mental institutions... It was horrible. The worst were the death threats, even, wishing the therian to die, or hang themselves, or worse (I've even seen rape threats). Comments that said things like, "If my sister told me she was a dog I would take her clothes off and force her to sleep outside and eat animal food, if she wants to be a dog I will treat her like one." Threats of abuse, both physical and sexual... Absolutely disgusting. And the worst thing is that the tiktok platform did not remove these hate accounts, the copy and paste messages of insults, the threats....

I am proud of the Hispanic community for being so open about their identity, don't get me wrong, but there are times when it is safer to just not share that part of who we are with others, especially if you are a minor and vulnerable. That's another issue that concerns me, as I've seen people coming out to parents, siblings, friends, and them just belittling them. That, coupled with misinformation, is a recipe for disaster.

I couldn't help but notice the deep root of misinformation in the non-human community itself. They confuse definitions, the different terms, which leads them to spread even more misinformation. This I don't think is entirely their fault, or that they are so young for the most part, as I have not seen Hispanic therians over the age of 18. I think this is largely due (as Talon already mentioned) to the language difference, and the lack of translation of certain terms. In general, when talking to friends with whom I am open about my non-humanity, I use English terms. It is a little weird to use those words in English while speaking in Spanish, but I am bilingual and for now there is no solution to that. I think the Spanish community would benefit from spreading correct information, and having a platform to express themselves with their own, like tumblr is for the English community. Something my sister expands on in dreir post. As for me here I finish my little comment, I'll leave you with Talon now. Watcher out.

As a conclusion, I would like to talk about the consequences that Anglocentrism might have on non-English speaking alterhumans, and then propose some ideas on how we might begin to address (or at least mitigate) it as a community.

First of all it is the obvious; the vast majority of non-English speaking alterhumans simply never realize that they are alterhumans in the first place, on account of the language barrier. All of the resources for beings who are questioning their humanity or lack thereof are in English, so they are not accessible to people who don't understand the language; therefore, a non-English speaker would have a much harder time accessing them. Another consequence is not being able to express your alterhumanity fully, both internally and externally. Remember when I mentioned that my thoughts are evenly distributed between English and Spanish, always keeping a 50/50 ratio? Well, recently, I have noticed that when reflecting on my identity as a dragon, all my thoughts are automatically generated in English. I find this deeply shocking, as I feel that a fundamental part of my identity is being eroded. It is devastating to feel that you can only express half of who you are, suppressing what could otherwise be a complex and multifaceted identity. Not being able to express myself in my other language limits my ability to explore that part of myself.

Anglocentrism is a cycle that never ends; since all the resources are in English, no members in other languages can join, and since there are no members in other languages, all the resources that are created are in English. And while I wish I could say that I have a solution to end this Anglocentrism once and for all, unfortunately, I do not. I am only one person (dragon), and this is a problem that I alone cannot solve. True, there have been some commendable attempts by the international community (translations of writings, alterhuman blogs in languages other than English, the Eurokin server on Discord are some examples); however, these initiatives often don't often get very far because of the very nature of the community. As I have already said, most of the alterhumans are North American or English, therefore any attempt to globalize the community would be restricted by the fact that there are not many members who would be interested in this in the first place. So what can we do to change this? The answer lies in you, reader. If you have a second language, encourage yourself to create writings in it from time to time. If you come from a culture other than the mainstream, talk about how that affects your identity. If you have traditions specific to your country that you believe are alterhuman in nature, share them. And if you are part of the English-speaking majority, I invite you to contribute in a positive way through simple actions, such as listening to us when we express ourselves in other languages, recognizing that we do not all share the same culture, and keeping an open mind when discussing topics that may be unfamiliar to you. Our strength as a community lies in the diversity of our members; let's embrace it.

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #11: MACHINE LOVE

(also on bandcamp and spotify!)

Welcome back to the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Yesterday was the title track, My Darling, My Companion, which means today is the final track on the album - a song about the truths that lay in hiding within artifice, and a computer falling in love - Machine Love!

Before we get started on this particularly long closeup - I'll be doing a follow-up post after this one, answering various miscellaneous questions I've gotten over the course of writing these! If you've got anything you wanna hear more from me about, album-related or otherwise, feel free to reply to this post or send me an ask! It may very well end up part of the bonus closeup :~)

---

Let's circle back to the very first track, Dyad.

In that track's closeup, I mentioned the main sonic touchstones of this release relative to my previous ones being guitars and vocal synths. The whole guitar rock thing I think I've gone into detail enough about, what with all the inspirations I've rattled off in other posts, but there likely is still a burning question for some long-time listeners.

Why vocal synths? Why am I not singing on like half of this album? I thought you were a singer, Jamie Paige, so what is this Hatsune Miku robot Vocaloid crap?

Truth be told, the Vocaloid scene and community has always been a massive source of inspiration for me. So much of my favorite music ever, music that inspires me or touches my heart or makes me go apeshit, has been sung by synthesized vocalists in a language I don't even speak. I grew up with it, and it's grown up with me - music just as intricate, mind-boggling, twisted, fun, and ridiculously creative is being put out every single day by vocal synth producers, and nowadays it's coming from English speaking musicians in droves!

Before this year began, I'd made at least one major contribution to the culture, but in spite of my genuine adoration of everything vocal synth related, I felt like I was just looking in from the other side. Caught between worlds, existing outside of any communities, simply gesturing vaguely towards what I wanted to do.

But I wanted more! I wanted to make the same kinds of things that stirred my heart and made me want to write! I wanted to sing with those same voices! I wanted it to be true - to be like you!

---

I won't lie to you and tell you Kasane Teto has always been my favorite vocal synth. That title used to go to GUMI, and in general, I wasn't particularly attached to any UTAU voicebanks as a younger vocal synth fan. (Nowadays, I genuinely open up OpenUTAU just as much as SynthV because I've fallen deeply in love with Adachi Rei, but that's a story for my next album.) Obviously, I knew of Teto, and found her presence in things like Triple Baka delightful, but for the most part, she was mostly something of an oddity, a wayward piece of vocal synth history that had her Fans like any other.

However, there was one Teto song I've been inexplicably attached to since the moment I first heard it - Song of the Eared Robot, by nwp8861. I was introduced via this particular cover, which I love, but I quickly gravitated to the original. Something about the warbly, childish nature of her very first voicebank, the ambitiously orchestrated and unabashedly digital instrumental, the lyrics referencing fundamental frequencies and Markov chains and compiling code all just spoke to me!

That song stuck with me, laying in a part of my heart that had been collecting dust, all the way to April of 2023.

Now, yes, Teto wasn't always my favorite, and I had other vocal synths I was attached to, but I don't live under a rock, and I still understood how monumental the announcement of Kasane Teto's Synth V voicebank was - to the point that I interrupted a call full of FFXIV-playing friends who knew barely anything about vocal synths and gave them an impromptu TED talk because I was so excited.

(An excerpt of a summary of that night's events, written the morning after. i was up my own ass a little bit but in my defense Kasane Teto had just been announced for Synthesizer V)

I was watching, in real time, a dream made manifest. It's literally one of the Bits with Teto! That she'd be a Vocaloid one day too! And here she was, on the fan favorite engine, sounding genuinely fucking incredible. Especially in hindsight, it's such a beautiful and perfect twist of fate for her.

I saw myself in her. A weird little outcast, explosively reborn and thrust straight into a community's open arms with love. I wanted it to be true - To be like that, too.

It didn't fully hit until later, hearing another cover of a song I'd almost forgotten.

Machine Love, my love letter to the entire world of unbridled creativity and artistry surrounding vocal synths filtered through one sentimental little song, was fully written by the start of May, maybe 4 days after I had gotten my hands on Teto SV and long before a certain compilation album was even a glint in my eye.

If you haven't heard DAEMON/DOLL yet, you really, really, really should go listen to it - yes, I mastered this album, many of my friends and collaborators are featured, and I have two entire songs on it, but I genuinely mean it when I say I believe it's some of the best fucking music that's come out this year in general. In many respects, it also feels like a companion (hah) to Constant Companions.

I had finished writing Machine Love by this point, but it was working on this album in its entirety - discovering artists like Anh Duy, Eggtan, and beat_shobon through it, and hearing everyone in top form making this twin-drilled chimera fucker sing her heart out - that not only made me confident in my decision to go down this artistic path, but that made me fall completely in love with Kasane Teto. And honestly, how could I not? She feels like a microcosm of everything that makes vocal synths so special, this community of creatives all leaving their marks and touchstones along the trail of a great big shared folk mythos. Yeah, maybe the folk hero we're all collectively mythologizing is an anime girl, but yknow maybe Odysseus could take some branding cues from hatsune miku idfk

Basically, even if he says he wants to kill me, I owe fucking everything to rice for inviting me to work on DAEMON/DOLL.

---

On that note, my vision for Machine Love's MV was pretty clear from the beginning.

the actual factual setup for the above shot, which was done entirely in-camera with my laptop, a tv, and two video files manually synced using VLC

The fundamental idea was always there - live-action shots of animation playing back on various screens, edited together to feel somewhat seamless. However, I really struggled with what exactly was going to be on said screens for a while; Big commissions were very far out of my budget, but I knew this song needed something grandiose.

Ultimately, what I arrived at was exactly the kind of scrappy, DIY bullshit it was always meant to be.

I asked my Twitter mutuals for help. And spent a couple months in Final Cut Pro and Apple Motion hell turning all the Teto art I got into a bunch of tiny little mini MVs, some of them parodying real vocal synth MVs, some of simply just evocative of vocal synth MVs, all of them painstakingly edited by yours truly and filmed with the help of some friends over the next couple months across two states and many more cities just to be painstakingly edited and synced up again by yours truly.

THE NEXT MV I DO WILL BE SMALLER IN SCOPE

---

And with that, I believe that's the album!

There's a reason it ends with Machine Love, and not with the title track. I do think that in some respects My Darling, My Companion would have made a better closer, but that song only really resolves one of the thematic strands running through the album.

There isn't really a definitive answer to the specific question "Baby, do you know what you wanna hear?", but it evokes a theme running through the entire album - wanting something, knowing that you want something, and simply needing to find the courage to do it or say it or be it. My Darling, My Companion is in many ways a declaration of intent, an acceptance of what needs to happen, but Machine Love, to me, is that action being done. The words being said!

And now, if I may give this a somewhat selfish tint - with the explosive response my works from this album have gotten, my contributions to things like DAEMON/DOLL and Flavor Foley, the collaborations I've done and that I still have in the pipeline, the friends I've made and the community I've found a spot for myself in, and the newfound voices that I can lay my heart bare with -

Well, shit, I know what I wanna hear, and I've gotten to hear it. I'm a vocaloP. It's real!

Thank you all so goddamn much for reading and listening. I'll see you back here either tomorrow or Monday for the bonus AMA post thing!! Make art and be gay, motherfuckers.

❤️💚

[osiiiris]

This is the complete reportage of the April 19 ritual in London.

Sorry for any mistakes, but unless stated, I’m certain than everything I wrote happened and I have everything on my notebook, but sometimes it was hard to write in the dark so I lost some pieces or messed up some parts.

Also sorry for any typo or English mistakes… by the time I post this I’ll be already sleeping.

Pre-show

The queueing was a mess for how I lived that. It could be that I didn’t know the venue, but it was hard to find my entrance and generally nodoby knew what queue they were in. The VIP and the general standing were queueing at the same entrance but in different directions, and I don’t know why but a number of other queues started to create in different directions, sometimes cutting through the queue we general standing were in. I don’t understand how they managed it. Once inside, everything ran smoothly and fast.

Jesus himself entertained us during the waiting, from one of the upper seats.

About 15 minutes before the start of the concert, a piano base started. It went on for a couple of minutes and then it changed to Miserere Mei Deus.  

At 8.30 PM, the concert started.

Show

I don’t know if the stage adapts to the dimensions of the arena, but it looked bigger in pictures. At the sides there are big screens where the concert is projected in real time, and that’s a very good thing because you are always able to have a clear vision of what is happening.

In general, I found the succession of songs very fast (sometimes too fast, like the transition from Umbra to Year Zero).

V needs to… warm up a little? He never interacts with the ghouls, and when he doesn’t sing he’s never on stage. He doesn’t talk much, didn’t do controversial jokes like the first two rituals or long speeches, but he managed to put us into chaos with the uncle confession (probably Primo or Nihil, even if I still have a doubt about Secondo…). He doesn’t move like the other Papas, do not thrust, do not gesticulate in an allusive way. I identify him as a sociopath.

Generally, the big part of the church refers were removed. No thurible (no Con Clavi), Papal robe worn only once, Cassock worn only once. Also the church background didn’t stay for the whole concert. To me, it is a big loss.

Ghouls wearing the veil: Cirrus, the new ghoulette, Rain, Swiss.

Songs:

Peacefield: the first verse is performed behind the curtain. The curtains are black, all draped and with wide cuts where the light and fog passes through (as soon as I can I’ll post a drawing of how it looks like). After the first verse, the curtain drops and the band is fully visible. Behind them, the background is the same as the curtains. For this song V wears the leather jacket. The song is very rhytmic and it reminded me the style of The Police, I don’t know why.

Lachryma: V’s voice is very roughy and powerful. The live version is very cool. Leather jacket is still on. 

Spirit: I sang this one so strong that I didn’t hear V. At some point he passed through two ghouls (Dew and… Phantom? Don’t remember exactly but should be them) playing very close. I think it was accidental but nice.

Faith: it sadly replaced From the Pinnacle to the Pit, as Pinnacle was one of the songs I was really looking forward the most. Faith live is one of the songs I prefer the most. Very powerful. I think Pinnacle and Faith will be switched often during the tour. He didn’t sing the low “I am all eyes, I am all ears…” (At this point I have only one note on the notebook: motherfucker. I honestly can’t recall what was that about).

//Phantom show: I love him. I think he was the best addition to Ghost. Funny, hyped, a little crazy… he kept the whole arena entertained by making us scream the way he wanted while V was changing clothes for the next song. @cityofmeliora

//At this point, the background is still the black curtain.//

Majesty: Papa is not floating as I read. He is on an elevated platform covered by his robe (kinda like the end of Satanized videoclip) and he’s so low and located behind the drums’ platform (that gets lower before the song starts), that I didn’t see him clearly. He was covered by the drums. He doesn’t move, only the hands. On the side screens (the only way I had to see him) he’s projected with a kind of kaleidoscope effect. At the end, when the kaleidoscope effect stops, I was able to see that he was apparently sitting on a throne - but I’m still not completely sure of this.

//after Majesty, the stage became dark and quiet for a bit. After that few minutes, V does his first speech: very brief, he asked if it was warm enough for us. “It’s fucking steaming”, he said. Then he briefly said that nothing lasts forever and that we have to accept shit when it happens (more or less) and go on.//

Future is a foreing land: I don’t recall anything in particular happening.

Devil church: I don’t think they played all of it…? I need to listen to it on record again. Who was there can confirm or debunk.

Cirice: the stage becomes red for her. No wings, but he wore the black jacket with sparkly lines and stood with crossed arms at the beginning, on the drums platform, as Copia used to do. Only at this point the virtual curtain on the background drops too, revealing the stained glass background. It is the devil one with Adam and Eve (I believe) on the sides, the same of the past tours. I may remember incorrectly but I didn’t hear the “Cirrus thing” with the keyboard before the moment of silence and the “can’t you see that you’re lost… can’t you see that you’re lost WITHOUT ME”. He actually ciriced someone in the audience and blew them a little kiss. During the ciricing, the side screens focus on his eyes.

Darkness at the heart of my love: the only song from Impera. I’m glad they chose one that’s wasn’t played in the last tour, even though I still consider the absence of Twenties a federal crime.

Satanized: ok.

Ritual: there was a kind of solo battle here if I remember correctly. Dew played with the guitar at the end, but nothing long like it used to be done in past tours.

Umbra: before the song, a rectangular hole opened on the stage and I had Vietnam flashbacks. From the hole came out fog, and at some point V himself came out from the hole and the fog… yes. And he did that holding a cowbell in his raised hand, in a kind of Freddie Mercury pose. Once on stage, he handed the cowbell to Swiss to play. And that’s the only interaction between the two for the whole concert. Umbra reminds me of some classic cartoon theme songs, in some points. I won’t elaborate further.

Year Zero: those who were there please help me because I didn’t note this… but he didn’t wear the cassock here, right? He still wore the black jacket with sparkly lines, because I remember thinking it was strange to see Year Zero not in a liturgical attire, but my mind may be playing tricks on me… btw here the stained glass in the background shattered at the end of the song, revealing a starry sky. The starry sky then became an orange sky, not sure if at dawn or sunset. It was very calming.

//at this point he was wearing the famous “he had a tail” cassock, but my mind is really confused now about the right song he was wearing it for. Btw, yes, the tail is a skeleton long tail//

He is: … and it was calming because that peaceful sky was introducing He is, and it was at this point that, during the intro, I screamed as strong as I could “VAI (come on) TERZOOOOOOOO. HE IS ALIIIVEEEEEEEEEEE”. I don’t know if it reached the right ears, but my people appreciated it. @namelessdumbass this was the only mention of Terzo during the concert… and it was mine. At some point in the song the stained glass started to recompose piece by piece, and it represented some random business men and women (on the left, there was one window with a little girl with a blonde bob and white eyes, repeated on the whole window) in the center there was Jesus himself… wearing a red tie. It had something to do about the demonization of careers…? Maybe who earns money with religion? At the end of the song, the figure with Jesus was animated, and he detached from the rest of the scene taking off like a rocket… with flames and all. I don’t know how to better explain this if not by saying that Jesus literally turned into a rocket. But let’s move on… also because this is the last time we’ll see the church background.

Rats: it’s always very good live. Don’t recall anything in particular. V didn’t do comments about rats as I remember.

Kiss the go-goat: at this point the background was animated in a way very very similar to the Seven Nation Army (White Stripes) videoclip, but with darker tones.

//V speaks again. He asked us if that was all we ever wanted, and that we can have whatever we want, he can give us all we want…//

Mummy dust: I missed everything of this performance, I only know V didn’t thrust. The chaos, the mummy dusts flying (I got one btw, but not in that moment, and it’s super ugly) the confetti, the hands in the air… I couldn’t see anything at some point. I’m sorry @namelessdumbass but I lost the solo, but @driftisanidiot confirmed that the solo was performed as usual, with the keytar in the center of the stage. I only saw clearly the background, with this monster animated in a retro collage style, with the head of a rich man and many long arms, grabbing flying money. The background of the animation was industrial and red.

//V speaks again: he recalled the first show of the band in Camden, saying that we always treated Ghost well, and I know I said he was talking about Secondo but I trust who is saying that he was referring to Nihil or Primo… one of the two is V’s uncle. He said it.//

Monstrance clock: well… I was lost in a goth club at this point. The best slow dance of my life. I never imagined to hear this live, but not wearing a liturgical dress (eh, maybe I remember thinking that of THIS song) for this feels like a crime. The background was formed by explicit orgy images on red tones. The crowd went crazy whenever a gay (homo or lesbian) image appeared (the homo ones were particularly hot).

Encores:

//V introduced the encore in the usual way. He said that some people were already leaving and mocked them. He wasn’t very chatty like Copia.//

Mary on a Cross, Dance Macabre and Square Hammer were no different from the past tours, they came one after the other very quickly. During Mary, the background was a Roman statue of a woman with one breast uncovered, that towards the end started crying blood. During Dance macabre it was animated in a way that she moved her hips and color circles moved here and there, a little too pop for me. Also a Ghost sign was pulled down, on the background screen, and it got lit during the song. Colorful confetti. On Square Hammer the arena was literally exploding, and the background screen projected the happy audience cheering for the end of the song.

After show

If you are too far from the stage and do not get any Mummy Dust, I got mine by just going to the barricades at the end of the concert. There is always some people of the crew handing the remaining dollars to who asks them, that’s how I got mine.

So that’s it. I’m extremely tired and need to sleep. It happens rarely that also the people on the seated rows are all up dancing like crazy, but it happened tonight.

[thepilatesprincess]

Act like a gentleman

Summary : Javier Peña has been messing with your emotions for the past few months and you can’t take it anymore. So you confront him.

Wc : 2k

Warning : My first time writing in ten years so forgive me for that. English is also my second language so forgive me for that too. Just a few swear words here and there. Too many use of the word « hermosa ». Wrong use of the quotation marks cause I don’t have the English ones on my keyboard. Might do two other parts but I’m scared to post. <3

The slight hum coming from the troffer lights, in this otherwise dark office, did nothing to hide the shake in your voice as you spoke. Neither did the noise coming from your coworkers talking in the other room or the incessant noise of the printing machine– who needs this many paper right now? – No. The tremor in your voice was very apparent, even as you try to display a confident tone, the one you practiced in front of your bathroom mirror this morning, or in front of your colleague’s car window on your way into the office, or in the bathroom again five minutes ago.

God! Here you are spiraling again. This man will be the death of you.

And here he is, looking at you with that smirk that you hate so much. The one he gives you when he looks you up and down, while you can't help but focus on the way his mustache moves - the same smirk he wears when he knows you're upset with him and, for some reason, finds it amusing. The smirk he has all the time because, you always are annoyed with him.

« Repeat that again for me, hermosa? », he said smugly.

Fuck you ! Fuck you ! Fuck you ! Fuck you !

You shoot him a glare, twisting the ring on your right hand again and again. « I said, what do you want from me, Peña? »

Slowly, very slowly, he rises from his chair, and steps closer, leaning against the desk. The smile he wears never leaves his face as he looks you up and down like he has done a hundred times before. You shiver.

« What do I want? » he repeats, intent on making the moment last longer. Intent on making you want to squirm.

« Yes, Peña. » You straighten your shoulders, determined not to let him get to you. « What do you want from me? You keep playing these games, showing up, pushing my buttons, saying things... So here I am, begging you to tell me; what do you want from me? »

The smile slowly fades from his face as he continues to stare, deep into your eyes. But his eyes don’t have this spark he usually shares with you. Right now, they are dark and full of meaning. Meanings that you desperately wish you could have access to. But his expression is unreadable as the moment linger. Until he lowers his voice, « You. Fuck, I want you. »

His answer is so direct and so unapologetic, you can’t help but stare, stunned.

«You- you can’t say that. Not if you don’t mean it. » Your voice is shaking, and you hate how vulnerable you sound in front of him.

He crosses his arm, repositioning himself on the desk. Then he smiles softly, still staring into your soul. Like he knows he said something crazy. Like he knows you’re destabilized. « Why not? It’s the truth. »

Javier Peña is infuriating. Why not? God, you wanted to smack him. « Because… Because, if we do this- » you gesture between the both of you, wildly. « You can’t take it back, Peña! Do you understand that? You can’t just wake up one morning and decide you’re bored, or you’d rather be with someone else. You can’t…»

« Hermosa, I won’t. » he interrupts, his voice firm.

« You say that now! » You snap at him. You don’t want to, but his words are starting to scare you. He is tarting to scare you. Wanting you so openly. Javier Peña. The biggest player in Colombia. The man you’d heard entertain other women through the thin walls that separate your apartments. « But I’ve seen how you are with women. I’ve heard the stories. You have flirted that every woman in this office. You sleep with your informants. You - »

« Hermosa… » You see him rise from the desk he was leaning on. But it is too late now, you’re panicking.

« - you act like I am just another one of your conquests - »

« Hermosa. » His voice is loud now. Rough. You stop, shaky from the rant you just had. And he steps closer and closer. His eyes are on yours, determined. « That’s not what this is. You are not just another woman I want to sleep with. This is not a game. »

« Then what am I, Peña? What am I to you? » Your voice is strained. You’re paralyzed as he steps closer and closer to you. Until he hovers over you. Until you can feel his hands near yours, not quite touching, but almost. Too close. He is too close. And do you really want to know his answer to your question? Because right now, you would rather run back and hide under your covers. But you don’t. You stand your ground and look into his eyes.

« You’re…» He pauses again searching for the right words. Staring at you like he’d find them in your eyes. « You’re everything I can’t stop thinking about. You drive me fucking insane. But you also make me want to step up. To do the right thing and be a good man. Just to have the chance to have you. Fuck I want all of you. »

Your breath catches. You feel the need to look away. His eyes too invasive, his declaration too sudden. And you feel hot. You can feel the heat rushing to your cheeks, the boldness of his statement being too much to handle right now.

« You say that now. », you start, still not daring to look into his eyes, the water bottle in the corner looking more appealing than ever. « But what happens later? What happens when I start to expect things from you? What happens if one day, I want more from you? »

« Then I’ll give you more. » You feel his fingers brush your chin as he tilts your face up to make you look at him. « Fuck hermosa, whatever you need. I’ll give you everything you want. »

You shake your head, not quite believing him. « Why would I trust you? You’ve hurt me before, Peña. I can’t handle you hurting me again. »

And then you look at him intensely. Trying to find truth in the eyes of the man you’ve liked for over a year.

The man that you've met on your very first day in Colombia. That day, he had help you get the very impressive number of boxes inside your apartment, the one right next to his. You’d learned, days later, that he was going to be one of your partners at the DEA.

The same man you’ve been warned about by your female colleagues on your first night out. They had told you many stories, none good, but you chose to ignore them because he was so kind to you, so honest.

The same man who drove you home every time you got too drunk on a night out drinking. The one who you’d talk for hours on the couch as he’d wait for you to sober up. The one who flirted with you innocently and made you forget that other men existed.

The same man who panicked during an intense mission in which you got hurt. He had brought you back to his apartment to heal your (tiny) injury. He’d admitted that had you had scared him. He had let you kiss him hard then.

The same man who fucked you like you’ve never been fucked. Touched like you’ve never been touched. Just once, though.

The same one who you heard fuck another woman the very next evening. And then every night after that for a week straight. Like he wanted to prove a point.

He looks back at you now with what seems like regret clouding his eyes. Probably thinking the same thing as you. You had forgiven him. Decided that he was not worth your time or energy. That he had made his decision loud and clear. Loud. You’d let him be just a friend. For the sake of the job, for your other partner, Steve, who probably didn’t want to live in Peña’s soap opera. Anyway, if this was a soap opera, you’d just be a guest star, a very forgettable one.

But in the few months that followed, he had started flirting again. Complimented you on your looks, yes. But also on your work ethic, the ideas you shared, your laugh. He would not be shy to say it in front of coworkers too. Steve had choke on his coffee once, as Peña insisted that they follow your plan instead of his for a mission. He would also bring you coffee every now and then. His fingers would brush yours every single time without fail. Sometimes, during a meeting, you’d hear the very faint sound of his chair move closer to yours, until your knees would touch. The worst was when he would use his voice to make you react. He’d lower his voice or whisper in your ears just to see you tense. He loved it. He loved seeing you react to him. You hated it. You hated him.

He used that same voice again just now. « I know, hermosa, I know. And I hate myself for it. But I want to earn your trust. If you’ll let me. ». His eyes are now pleading as he finally take the chance to touch the side of your arms. Very lightly, giving you the chance to back away if you need to.

He can feel the way your body react to his, the way you tense at his contact. Can he hear your heart beating too? Can he see how difficult it is for you to keep your eyes on him when his stare is this sincere, this raw?

« You can’t fuck this up. » you say firmly. « If I give you a chance, you can’t hurt me, Peña. I won’t forgive you. »

« I won’t. » he promises, his hands firmer on your arms now. « I swear to you, hermosa. »

It feels like there is no noise in the room anymore. Like the faint hitch of your breath and the quick beat of your heart are too loud to make you remember where you are.

« Fine. », you finally say, voice trembling. This is definitely not fine, you know that. Later, on Connie’ s couch, you will dissect every word said. But for now, yeah sure, fine. « But – but we’re doing this my way. »

Peña, still intent on holding your arms like you’re going to run away, raises his brows. He doesn’t interrupt. He looks at you with a faint smile, like you amuse him. And you feel the desire to smack him for the second time in the last five minutes. Not his record, but not bad at all.

« If I agree to this… To see where this goes - » you continue, talking faster now, « you’re going to have to prove it. No games, no flirting with informants, no disappearing acts. You’re going to have to - » Your arms leave Peña’s hands as you start talking frantically, « I don’t know, be a gentleman or something. Be sweet. Ask me out. Plan a real date. No trying to get in my pants - ».

The bastard is smirking now. Is it too late to back out?

« If you are serious about this, Javier Peña, really serious, then you better prove it. » You know you must look crazy now but screw him. « And you better be on your best behavior! No being late, no trying to kiss me, no seeing other woman right after. I’m not going through that again! I’m not - »

« Hermosa. » He interrupts again, insistent. And you freeze, heat rushing to your cheeks. But he smiles at you reassuringly. A smile you don’t see him share often. « I got it. I’ll ask you out properly, plan something nice, be a gentleman. Anything you want. »

« I’m serious Peña. I don’t want you to take this lightly. » You search in his eyes for anything that will betray his words, but the only thing you can see is honesty.

He reaches for your arms again, but this time, you don’t tense, you melt a little. « So am I, sweetheart. I want this, want you. I’ll prove it. »

You pause for a little and… Damn him. « Alright. », you let out softly. « Please don’t make me regret this…»

« I won’t, fuck, I won’t. », he exhales. But all you can hear is the sound of your heart again as you feel his thumbs tracing circles on your arms. « Tell me you want this, hermosa. Tell me you want this too. »

« I do. »

[mesmeraizen]

My Tamon Kotaro HCs

—Mesmeraizen

Note: I don't know why I'm doing this... English isn't even my mother tongue and I barely write something that poetically makes sense that's more than 2 sentences without overdoing it.. But whatever, I love this dude so much—I thought Eugene was going to be my favorite but no, this mf stole the spotlight and yeah. I love him and he deserves appreciation and love (also the 3 other main casts + Ichimiya)

This isn't exactly the first time I posted these typa stuff but I am still unsure how I can properly present this... (Used to post on Wattpad but I never really bothered to improve) So uh, sorry for the grammar. I hope I don't mischaracterize him too much or make him OOC.

Edit: I forgot to mention that this was inspired by @bobur-the-berry-guy 's Tamon relationship headcanons (⁠~⁠￣⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠~

- He's miserable (Just kidding, he lowkey is though, but its okay since its Tamon we're talking about lol)

- He (definitely) wanted to form a band back then when he was still young, maybe around his pre-teen years.

Its canon that he used to be in a (impersonator) band. So, I think that after the band disbanded/after he left, he was influenced to form his own. But obviously due to his social anxiety he didn't manage to achieve that, he was so sad about it too; he probably daydreamed of having his own band a lot back then and imagined himself being able to play infront of a crowd without panicking and vomiting

- Used to upload in SoundCloud. I have to say it, he obviously used to upload there. (He's canon-ly an excellent singer)

SoundCloud uploader babyyy, I feel like he also writes his own songs but never uploads them due to shyness so he only does covers, he wasn't recognized much but he had a few supporters here and there. There would be comments on the songs saying things like

'You have such an amazing voice!'

'Have you considered being a singer? Cuz you're good af'

'Cover ___ next please! Your voice is amazing'

'The way you sang this part is so good what'

'You should write your own songss'

'Companies should be going after you ngl, you're good.'

'This is so peak whatthehell'

'Make your own songs bro. Definitely destined to be an underground artist where you get discovered on tiktok bc someone used your song and then boom you skyrocket and shit then you become globally known'

'Underground artist vibes, you're doing amazing. Keep up the good work!'

etc etc. Everytime he reads them he gets a lil' boost of confidence to post more but still never enough to make him post his own songs. I think that he still uploads there but not as often as how he used to.

- Second, third, and fourth most used apps are Weather app, Clock, and Calculator.

DUDE. This radiates off of him so much, he opens either of those applications everytime he waits for the phanbus club when they hang out. I headcanon him as the earliest one to arrive in their meet up spot. I feel like he always (unintentionally) arrives 50 minutes early, Lol.

- Top one most used app... Spotify, obviously. Has an average screen time of 16 hours in there.

No explanation. He literally listens to ASMR, so he obviously streams it till he falls asleep and while he's asleep.

- Speaking of spotify and music... I feel like he has a wide diversity of genres he listens to, like he doesn't stick to one as he enjoys anything basically

ALTHOUGH, I feel like he mostly enjoys R&B and Indie Rock. (I am self projecting, yes. Shh) I also feel like he listens to Wave to Earth, Frank Ocean, Mitski (he cries everytime he listens to her music) and Lamp. (Forgive me as I don't know a lot of Japanese artists)

- He understands English, but can't speak it because he struggles in pronunciation

- Had an Ayesha Erotica phase

- He can play multiple instruments (canon), but he probably sticks a lot more to electric guitar and drums. He also does electric guitar/drum covers and such.

- I mentioned how it's canon that he has a great singing voice earlier, right? So. I headcanon his voice to sound like Nobunaga Shimazaki, idk but I just felt his voice to sound like that

- Cried when he tried samyang buldak for the first time (Samyang buldak is a South Korean instant noodles known for their intense spiciness).

Inspired by the ASMR-tists he watches, he tried it out because he thought it tasted good. He teared up when he took a sniff of the sauce packet and realized how spicy it is, the noodles were already cooked so he can't really back off at that time so he just embraced what was going to happen to him.

And guess what happened?

Warzone. Bro was sweating hard on every inch of his body, his face was blushing red because of the spiciness, he was on the verge of breaking down while eating.

(He asked his dad to buy him the noodles btw. His dad probably didn't bother looking at the label and just snatched the most random flavor on the shelf (he unknowingly took the 2x spicy flavour.)

EXTRA

This is so random but IF he can speak Tagalog then I imagine his voice to sound like Zild's.

Please listen to Lia by Zild, idk if you can see what I see but that song just fits him in a way that I can't explain (in my opinion)

Idk what else to say, might make a part two though. (Relationship headcanons, x reader ofc)

Plz do not copy, repost somewhere, plagiarize, translate without my permission!!! Feel free to reblog and like tho (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)

—Mesmeraizen

[nightwngz]

— 𝓐 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨 ✮!! eng.

fratboy!wally west x fem!reader

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀… drabble, porn with plot. smut. dirty talk, multiple orgasms, oral sex, fingering.

𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁. . . no copying of my work is allowed. Free translation is allowed as long as I am credited.

𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲. . . as I said in my other posts, English is not my first language. I have tried to make corrections with the translator, but as you all know, it is prone to making mistakes, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or if anything sounds weird.

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲. . . A friend of mine gave me the idea for this, so I said, 'Okay, this sounds good,' and decided to write it. I hope you like it.

Since you started university, you’ve always been part of the crowd. You never cared about being popular or standing out in class; you just wanted to get by like everyone else. You made an effort to fit in without drawing attention, avoiding conflict and focusing on passing with just enough.

Being part of the university meant interacting with certain people, even those you weren't particularly interested in but had to tolerate. Like the popular guys from a fraternity whose name you couldn’t quite remember, led by Richard Grayson and Wallace West—better known to their friends as Dick and Wally—or those slightly higher on the social ladder than you.

Dick Grayson was friendly, and his appearance clearly explained why he was so popular. He was also sweet and kind, so much so that if one of your friends asked you directly, you'd probably admit to having a crush on him. Wally, on the other hand, was a different story. Although he was funny and somewhat charming, and also popular because he was Dick's best friend, he didn't appeal to you as much. In fact, there were times when he would shamelessly try to flirt with you, but you would just respond with a gesture before completely ignoring him.

Conveniently, no matter how hard you tried to stay away from Wally, he always found a way to cross your path. Like the day you were sitting with Timothy Drake in the cafeteria when Dick Grayson came over to say hello to his brother. Wally seized the opportunity, walked up, grabbed Dick by the shoulders, and wasted no time flirting with you.

— Don't worry, babe. If you don't understand anatomy, I can give you a lesson or two.

You don't know what part of you thought it was a good idea to have Wally help you study. But you didn't realize how bad it was until the books fell off the bed where you were supposed to be studying and his face literally ended up between your legs.

You had never been with someone with such fast skills, so to speak. It was like being with The Flash himself. His tongue moved quickly over your wet pussy, causing your eyes to roll back in pleasure.

His tongue glided over your lips, tracing them from top to bottom, while his greenish gaze was fixed on yours. With one hand he helped you to spread your legs wider and with the other he filled your tight hole completely with two of his fingers. Then, growing restless, he moved to your clit, where he began to give you sweet, teasing licks. His mouth moved so quickly between your clit and your lips that it seemed he was caressing both at the same time.

And when you arched your back, with moans so intense that Wally was sure they could be heard in the hallway, he knew you would climax any moment, for the third time that night, with minimal effort on his part. It hadn’t even taken him more than five minutes.

Sweat trickled down your forehead as you reached your climax, and a wave of pleasure swept through your entire body. As you gasped, you watched as Wally pulled away from between your legs, a mischievous smile on his face. He looked beautiful, his mouth smeared with your fluids, and maybe that's why you didn't ask him to clean up.

— Damn, babe, that was so good. After what comes next, you'll be so dazed that the only name you'll remember from these books will be "Wally”.

You looked at him with wide eyes, confused by what he meant by 'after what comes next.' Hadn’t it ended? You wondered if you could handle more, given that you had already had more than you could bear.

— Oh, what? Did you think that was it? Unfortunately for you, we're not done yet. And I have enough stamina to fuck you for hours.