#and also my brain is tired in a way where the creativity is so fuckin low 3< /div>
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The way I get into horror is drawing something I'm really scared of. (Like the fear of spiders or clowns) I feel like if you turn your fear into art it doesn't seem so scary anymore....and since have the fear of the one ocean half of my drawings are based around water it helps somewhat to get into the horror mindset. (To me anyway!)
i would Love to do that, however my fear of spiders is like. they scare me to the point of tears <3 i Cannot look at them much less draw them <3
#because this is good advice! and i try!#but the only other things that actually scare me are like... things ive never drawn#so its Exhausting to have to learn an entire new thing yk?#and also my brain is tired in a way where the creativity is so fuckin low </3#thinking of Anything takes concentration that i often lack#also im... not really scared by a lot? not Genuinely?#i go out alone into the pitch black woods at night to stargaze. like. lmao#the only thing i have a genuine fear of is spiders!#rambles from the bog#i mean... bogs creep me out. and i guess im scared of drowning. especially drowning in a bog.#but. eh.
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Ramblings no one will give a damn about
To the people in their late 20s and up;
I dont think its cool when you make fun of someone , for things they do or say. Or how they are. If you dont like someone, why are you soending your precious time on them? Why would you make plans with someone you dont like? Everyday i push bedtime off longer thsn i should going āfuck! There arent enough hours in the damn dat!ā And the last thing i think i would do, is go for a walk in tbe park with someone who i find makes me lose brain cells. It just shows that you dont do anything of worth, because you can throw your time and attention away in the trash and waste it. You have notbing better to do than go somewhere just to collect gossip material
You could probably say im doing just that, but this is a little sifferent than gossiping about sally sue and why does she use a roller backpack!?? (Cause theyre fuckin cool and save my back from aching)
I like writing and i like doing jt often, it keeps my wit sharp and keeps me creative. It is where my level of creativity is greatest. The more practice i get the better i get at writing. Also, i find when im bitching i write so beautifully. It all just flows and comes so naturally. While i wish that wasnt the case, it is. And, im gonna rock it. We all have our niche right?
This is my first actual blog post, but i olan to post more from here on out, been goin through a rough patch, probably the worst one ive faced in my life. This time it wasnt w my head held high i stomped through the flames. I succumbed to it. Pretty good. And for some time. Kinda pulling myself through just now, itās been some months. But writing my thoughts and feelings is a good outlet fir me so i told myself where can i write because i xant jusr write in a journal, the narcissistic traits in me make me want to screme my pain for the world to heae. I dont want anyone ti suffer alongside me i just feel like im always silenced and no one cares about what i have to say ir what j do. Just plaster their lavel on me without knowing a thing about me and walk on. Im tired if it. I dont even know exactly yet if im the good or if im the bad. Im so confused in life now i got shook uo so bad. I cant even tell just yet if im the same or if what i went through shook me up so bad im a while different being. In a way it gave me confidence to speak up and just stop giving a fuck and stop letting the side eyes and gossipers shut me up and put me down. I donno. Now idk where im going so thats it. I dont proof read i just post. Maybe ill stop that, just not tonight
#self improvement#motivation#self help#writing#thoughts#spilled thoughts#rambles#ramblings#random#vent#vent post
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Hello! Happy 750!!! So I have this OC with a singing quirk. Sheās basically like Giselle from enchanted where she can control the people and animals and occasionally plants and wind with just her voice. However she processes everything around her as music so itās constantly playing in her head and gives her severe insomnia. Sheās also a member of the LOV so I was wondering what her interactions with each of the members would be like but mostly Dabi. Would they find her annoying or fun? Up to you
Thank you! It took me a little bit to dwell on this one, because the idea is so interesting! But I finally got hit by the Inspiration Imagination, and here we are! I hope you like it; I've adjusted it to x Reader per your request, and I hope you don't mind I took just a little bit of creative license for the Reader's perspective and how to describe her quirk.Ā I also kept it very Dabi-focused in the interest of time.
Dabi x F!Reader w/ a singing quirk (SFW)
š It would be a rocky start at first. Dabi would have difficulty trusting you, simply because your quirk is so powerful. Anything that could potentially take away his free will would make him mistrustful and want to avoid said threat like the plague - or remove it entirely.
š But Shigaraki says youāre off limits, so he settles to keep you at arms length while at the same time keeping a close watch on you. One wrong slip, and heāll handle you himself (or so he tells himself).
š He also mistrusts you becauseā¦ wellā¦ as a fellow insomniac, he knows that youāre up at all hours of the night. Heās not sure why, of courseā¦ he never knocks on your door to ask. But he hears you shuffling around in your space, pacing in your room. What could possibly keep you up so late every single night? Whatās got you looking so exhausted every day as if you never sleep? Heās convinced that youāre a spy, somehow sending messages to their enemies when everyone is asleep. Except he never hears you leave your room. Never hears you talking to anyone. So there must be something heās missing.
š Youāre an enigma to him, and it drives him crazy. Dabi doesnāt like unknowns.
š On your end, Dabi drives you nuts. Heās an asshole, every word that falls from his mouth laced in backhanded compliments and passive-aggressive accusations. Youād come close to using your quirk on him on many occasions, just to make him shut up or leave the room. Fortunately for Dabi, you have a personal code of honor that you abide by, and controlling people through your singing is only reserved for your enemies.
š Heās not your enemyā¦ not yet at least.
š You know why he doesnāt trust you, and you donāt blame himā¦ and he's certainly not the first person to be suspicious of you. But does he really gotta be such a dick about it? You try to be upfront with him, to explain that you live by a code and heās safe from your quirk, but it makes little difference. Dabi doesnāt trust easily, and promises mean very little to him.
š His trust is finally gained when you use your quirk to save him and the other league members from certain death. Thereās nothing quite like the sensation of hearing the beautiful notes of your voice while in freefall and then feeling himself being caught on a strong wind current, only to be set safely on the ground seventy meters below.
š After that happens, he begins to take an even greater interest in you, but this time with more curiosity and less mistrust.
š He starts poking and prodding, some questions being asked directly, while others are only implied. After all, he loves his little mind games, and even more so, he loves getting under your skin, especially since you refuse to use your quirk on him. Itās basically given him a āget out of jail freeā card for being a brat.
š He really, really wants you to prank the others using your quirk. And your little miss āIām a good girl with a special code of ethicsā makes the game that much sweeter. After all, youāre just as much a villain as the rest of them. If Toga can go around swinging her knives from her fingertips, then why couldnāt you sing a little song now and then?
š But Dabi quickly learns that youāre just as stubborn as he is, if not more so.
š Even so, itās frustrating for you because if it were anyone else you wouldnāt have put up with this level of bullshit. The persuasion, the flirting, the school-yard level daresā¦ the man has no shame and tries every tactic in the book to try to get what he wants from you. What makes it even worse is that a secret part of you enjoys his mischief. His ideas are tempting sometimes. Especially when the other league members annoy you.
š On top of all that, he is strangely alluring, even with his scars. And more importantly, the āsongā his body gives off is, well, a pleasant one to say the least.
š Every person has a āmusical auraā more or less, a small symphony of heartbeats, breaths, and something moreā¦ ephemeral. It comes through in the way they move through the environment, in the way the air particles are displaced around them and vibrate with their energy.
š And for some reason Dabiās song is practically intoxicating, just like his sharp blue eyes that always seem to pin you down, heavy lids held up by a cocky smirk.
š The two of you reach an impasse in your battle of wills, an unspoken stand-off that never wanes. And itās upon this competitive dance that the two of you begin to build some strange sense of camaraderie.
š Heāll eventually give up on his desire for pranking his comrades when he sees you use your quirk on heroes. But not just any hero, of courseā¦
š Imagine Dabiās glee when you use your song quirk to make Endeavor literally dance as the large manās face flushes red with rage. It was intended to keep him busy while the League made their escape. But it makes it all over the news of course, and becomes viral online for months. The laughter that the two of you share when you get back to the hideout lasts for hours as you watch the news replay the scene over and over it. It really never gets old.
š Oh man, does he like you even more now. Youāre his new favorite person. And he finally stops harassing you about using your quirk on the League members, instead finding much greater enjoyment in targeting different heroes together.
š There will come a time that heāll catch you on one of your many insomnia-induced nights. Itās a hard one, sleep being kept at bay by the musical cacophony surrounding you, despite your obvious exhaustion. Your strength finally shatters, and you break down into tears in your room in frustration.
š Guess who ends up knocking on your door?
š Of course Dabi heard you. For months heās been listening to the pacing of your feet or your frustrated sighs through the thin, old walls. Itās almost become a lullaby to him by this point, a way for him to know that youāre safe and soundā¦ more or less.
š āWhatās wrong, doll?ā heāll ask, as he stares down at your tear-streaked face. āI can hear ya through the walls, so donāt gimme any of your bullshit excuses.ā Anyone else would hear the mockery in his voice, but for you with your quirk, you can hear the song of caring weaved through them, a hidden secret that youāre sure even he doesnāt realize is there.
š He wonāt wait for an answer as he enters your personal space and makes himself comfortable.
š His sudden presence and that comforting familiar song it brings with it soothes more than youād like to admit.
š But you do admit it. You admit to everything. The fatigue you feel, the way your quirk makes you suffer, and how for some reason, the song of him puts you at ease, drowning out the other noise. Itās like your inner radio is tuned just for him. Normally you wouldnāt admit to any of this of course, but youāre well past the point of exhaustion now, and your brain isnāt running as smoothly as it normally would. So what did it matter if you told him everything? You really didnāt have the strength to care anymore.
š āYour quirk is fuckinā weird.ā he admits. Then a grin will spread across his face. āYou like my āsong,ā huh? Cāmere.ā
š Heāll have you lay down with him on your bed and hold you close to him, your head on his chest as he rests his chin in your hair. āDoes it help?ā heāll ask.
š Shockingly, it does. His music surrounds you, and you close your eyes as you let it cover you like a warm blanket. Everything else seems to fall to the wayside, your tired brain only able to focus on one melody - his. Before you can even nod in response, youāre fast asleep.
š Itāll become a habit for you two nowā¦ On particularly hard nights, heāll keep you company and hold you. And maybeā¦ maybe heāll start letting you keep him company when he has hard nights too.
#Arv's 750 Followers Event#Dabi x reader#dabi x reader hcs#dabi x reader headcanons#dabi hcs#dabi headers#dabi sfw#dabi humor#dabi fluff#soft dabi
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Sealab 2021 #46: āButchslapā | March 14, 2005 ā 12:15AM | S05E02
Sealab has reached a saturation point where all of it now feels like itās just rehashing/retreading old gags. Debbie goes through a Chickmate-esque transformation but this time she wants to stop being a slut and start being religious. Thereās a subplot where Sparks finds out that Marco used to be in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kids, the band from the eponymous TV show from the 70s. Itās a show Sealab has already mined once before for the decent āSwimming in Oblivionā and the pathetically awful āReturn to Oblivionā. So, the characters previously identified as Adam Reed and Matt Thompson, the creative duo behind Sealab 2021 are just playing their original 70sās Hanna Barbera Show selves. To muddle things even more, they bring in the tentacled producer from those episodes to do some light meta humor involving the Cartoon Network. And, in yet another callback, this episode is credited to mcheshpants420 among other writers.
Neither story resolves in a satisfying way and just serve as a vessel for mostly pathetic jokes. They arenāt THE WORST jokes Sealab ever did, but literally nothing is good here. The only thing that I sorta liked was Tornado Shanks unceremoniously dropping his Southern accent, and it being referenced in the episode. Itās not that funny of a joke but I guess I prefer it to them just quietly changing the character. I donāt know WHY, though. I think my brain might be dying, and sometimes I suspect that we are all living in hell.
The Brak Show ā Volume 1 DVD (February 1, 2005)
It is extremely weird to me how hard it is sometimes to find high-quality cover images for DVDs. Like Amazon just gets rid of the high-quality JPG when a DVD goes out of print now I guess and just waits for a customer image to get uploaded instead? You know what Iām talking about? We need to get the lost media wiki on this. We need a hi-res product imagery archive. Sell them as NFTs. I donāt fucking care.
Anyway, this is a really good release as far as adult swim DVDs go. Decent extras. A handful of Cartoon Planet and Brak Presents the Brak Show Starring Brak, and Brak Does the News bits, and fun commentaries and stuff. I appreciate they put a little effort to make a fun thing Brak fans would like. Also, the DVD has an alternate version of one of the episodes presenting the American Mom in an episode that originally aired with the British Mom instead. Thatās because they put the episodes in--what else? production. order. I would elaborate on this more but I did it somewhere else and... Iām so tired.
MAIL BAG
Good fuckin' news. On the 27th, Adult Swim will finally be able to air Futurama again!! With them losing Family Guy, it's awesome to see them regain another Fox toon they helped save to fill the gaps! King of the Hill came back last month, too.
I actually just learned this today and that IS great news. You see that weird clip where the McDonalds logo is in the corner instead of [adult swim]? What is going on with that? Has [adult swim] started just turning into every other network now with voice-overs on the credits and obnoxious bugs and whatnot? I should probably keep up with stuff like that.
KON writes:
Some Robot Chicken tidbits for you: The Armageddon sketch was indeed written for Harrison Ford but they couldn't get him, I know because of a bump from the time that SKEWERED Harrison Ford for his supposedly high standards. Why they didn't just change it to a celebrity they could get, or to Bruce Willis or someone that would actually make sense in an Armageddon parody, that I don't know. Chicken tidbit #2: The live-action nerd was played by Greg the Bunny himself, Dan Milano.
WOW! I remember at first thinking this was MC Chris, but the delivery drifts too far out of his orbit so I knew it wasnāt him. Who doesnāt Seth Green know? Also, the fact that it isnāt Harrison Ford doing the voice baffles me. Itās such a bad performance, I figured it must be him. According to the Robot Chicken wiki itās Mark Hamill, so if heās on purpose doing a bad performance AS Harrison Ford thatās actually pretty brilliant of him.
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Dark Cybertron Chapter 6: This Sure is a Comic Iām Reading.
The Dinobots are chilling out by the standing Titan, because Slag went and got his ass kicked by the super death wave a few issues back.
Excuse me, Slug.
Thereās real-world context for this change- you see, in England, the word āslagā is often used as a derogatory term. Specifically, itās either used as a stand in for āprostituteā or āwhoreā, or in more of a generalized āI greatly dislike this personā sort of way. Itās typically aimed at women, which is likely why Arcee said something to him as opposed to anyone else.
This little exchange is interesting, since Dark Cybertron Chapter 6 was published in 2014. Our boy Slug here first showed up in the original cartoon, back in the 80s, and was in the Marvel UK comics, where they didnāt change his name. A good portion of the IDW creative team, including 50% of the writers for this event storyline, are also from the UK. Seems like someone finally got sick of calling a whole-ass robot dinosaur a slut.
Not that thereās anything wrong with enjoying casual sex, or being a sex worker, but slapping labels on other people without their input is sort of a shitty thing to do, especially when youāre doing it in a franchise typically aimed at younger audiences, and with a surprisingly large following in the UK, where that term is used.
Anyway, while this conversation was happening, the Titan moved, and when it did, it kicked up a shit-ton of dust. Astrotrain, who is laying off to the side with his legs and an arm off, offers Swoop his binoculars. When asked why the hell he has binoculars- which doesnāt seem so strange to me, given that theyāre standard military equipment in a lot of places- he tries to explain that heās got shit eyes, and didnāt want Megatron to know about them. This would be an interesting glimpse into the inner workings of the Decepticons and how they view disability, if Swoop actually gave a damn.
But he doesnāt.
So itās not.
Swoop sees with his special eyes that the guys who went down into the Crystal City have escaped, and are currently trying to outrun the Titan, and also the title of this issue.
Watch out, that typographyās gonna fuckinā get you!
The Dinobots start firing on the Titan, which does fuck-all, and Prowl yells at them to head for Iacon, since thatās where the Titanās going. Bumblebee, Skywarp, and Megatron are revealed to be MIA. Bummer.
Over on that weird water planet the Lost Light landed on a few issues back, the Rod Pod gang have puttered into Metroplexās eye socket, and are currently making a Fantastic Voyage. Getaway asks where the hell Metroplexās eyeball got to, but nobody has an answer for him, least of all Metroplex. Strange happenings on this weird water planet.
Ratchet gives everyone the skinny on Titan physiology theory- thank god he came along on the trip so I could at least get a little lore to feed my brain through this slog.
So, Metroplexās spark could actually be out right now. Even though the lights are still on, that doesnāt mean anyoneās actually home, because the power of his spark needs time to actually travel through the body, and it needs a lot more time than the average robot, because heās just so goddamned big. Humans also need time for their animating forceā¦ or, uh, blood to travel through the body. This is why we have a pulse. If it was instantaneous, we wouldnāt, but weād probably also explode, because our squishy little bodies wouldnāt be able to handle that shit.
The gang starts scanning for life signs, even though theyāre not even sure if theyāll be able to pick anything up. Brainstorm theorizes that the water could be causing degradation to Metroplexās body. Getaway is still stuck on the Rod Pod existing. Heās having a moment. Heās been having a moment, really, ever since he saw the damn thing.
The results from the life-scan come in, and it looks like Metroplex might actually be okay, because thereās a blip for everyone in the Rod Pod, plus one! Hooray!
Nobody tell them about the hanger-on whoās basically glued himself to the ass of the Pod. Weāll let them have this little win, if only for a moment.
Ratchet suggests they head for the brain to check things out. Brainstorm reads back the report on the water sample he took, holding his data pad as precariously as he possibly can as he does. Thereās admium flakes in the water. Nobody knows what this means, so they try to call Swerve, who is a metallurgist, for his professional opinion. The call goes to voicemail. Pity, that.
The fellas show up at the cranium, and thereās a small issue; Metroplexās brain isnāt there. It wasnāt yanked out, either- itās clean as a whistle in there, all things considered. Next stop- the spark. Hopefully they can get there before all the lights go out, because itās beginning to look rather grim for olā Plexy.
Back on Cybertron, Starscream is asking about the fatality rate of the death wave, which is a bit funny to read now that Iāve typed it out. Tankor- who is our tie-in issue character today- decides heās going to start some shit with Starscream, even as people are evaporating around him in the medical center heās volunteered to assist at. Starscream takes the verbal stripping down with a straight face, because at this point, itās just par for the course for him. Being head honcho of a whole planet kinda sucks, as heās quickly finding out.
Flatline, who is also here, makes a crack at Starscreamās expense, and Starscream decides that thatās going to be the straw that breaks his camelās back, as he starts getting dangerously sarcastic with the guy. Too bad this isnāt the time for that, however, because the Titan just showed up at the city limits.
Wow, Titan really said āfuck those two guys on the left in particular.ā
Over in the Dead Universe, it turns out that the massive fiery laser blast from last issue DIDNāT kill everyone, and doesnāt actually seem like it was ever intended to. I suppose it was some sort of transport beam that Nova Prime used for his entrance, like the dramatic bitch he is. Thatās neat, I guess.
Hardheadās pretty upset by Nightbeatās betrayal, not that Nightbeat really cares- being brainwashed tends to have that effect. Hardhead starts slamming his skull against the containment cube, living up to his name and also making himself look like a fool. Cyclonus is beginning to regret agreeing to this trip. Orion Pax punches the wall and starts yelling at Nightbeat for being a traitor, pretty much breaking his hand in the process. Rodimus tries to get him to chill out, and gets a knuckle sandwich for his troubles.
Also, this whole thing is a ruse. Orion managed to crack the cube, and heās gonna try to get them out, but he can only do it if Nightbeat doesnāt realize whatās going on. Once Rodimus is let in on the plan, he tries to butter up olā Ikea Johnson, who notices the very mysterious something thatās on Rodimusā palm. The thing thatās NOT his forcefield generator, that we donāt get to know about just yet.
Seeing the mysterious something makes Nightbeat fall to his knees, clutching his head in pain. At least, thatās what Orion says happened. I donāt know what happened or why, or why Orion would fucking know what happened or why. Or even, really, if it was Orion making the claim in the first place.
Not even any feet to try to connect to characters. Iām just guessing on previous panels.
āDark Cybertronā makes me so, so tired.
Anyway, Nova Prime tells everyone to get on their knees, lest he shoot them with his big honkinā back turrets.
Back inside Metroplex, the fellas have exited the Rod Pod and are on the hunt for Metroplexās spark. Someoneās gone and drawn arrows pointing in the direction of the spark chamber, though who exactly is a mystery. Lots of mystery going on this issue. The boys decide to see where the graffiti takes them, leaving the Rod Pod to whatever fate might befall it while theyāre gone.
Nobody likes the Rod Pod very much.
Also, that hanger-on from earlier is still there. Thisāll turn out great, surely!
We get treated to a double-page spread of Escher proportions, as the gang tries to traverse the inner workings of Metroplex, until they hit an arrow that seemingly hits a dead end. When they brute force their way through the ceiling, itās bad news bears; theyāre right back where they started. Whirl, our most volatile friend, takes out his frustration on the Rod Pod, only for more bad news to reveal itself: the Podās been rigged to explode by the hanger-on!
And thatās a series wrap on the Rod Pod Squad! Letās give āem a hand, folks!
Back in the Dead Universe, Nova Prime is busy deadnaming Orion, and generally just being an asshole. He notices Cyclonus off in the corner, and starts being an asshole at him too, because thatās how Nova interacts with the world. Itās all he knows.
Itās at this point that Cyclonus gives Hardhead the signal, and Hardhead bashes through the crack in the cube. Too bad it reseals itself directly behind him. Hardhead goes to punch Nova Prime, and gets his hand crushed into pulp for his troubles. Then he dies, because that was his forcefield hand.
And thatās a series wrap on Hardhead!
Nova Prime informs everyone that heāll be taking them to visit a pal of his.
You know, this reveal would be a hell of a lot more poignant if I could FUCKING TELL WHO THE SHIT THATāS SUPPOSED TO BE.
#transformers#jro#dark cybertron#issue 6#mtmte#issue 25#maccadam#Hannzreads#text post#long post#incoming analysis#overthinking about robots#comic script writing
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Sorry in advance for the potentially dumb question, but: do you suffer from psychosis/schizophrenia? Iāve seen you reblog a lot of posts about it, of course, but i was curious. Also, if its not too personal, if you do, how much does it impact your writing/the weirdness glitchiness factor?
Not a dumb question at all, youāre all good!
So this is kindaā¦ā¦.. not something Iāve spoken about in a great amount of detail or specifics on this blog? And talking about it directly is actually kinda weird! I wasnāt expecting this to feel weird, but it totally does! So please excuse how long this answer took me hahahahaha
So I mean YEAH psychosis is a thing that I possess, this is a thing that resides inside my brain and occasionally outside of itā¦ā¦ā¦. Iām not schizophrenic, Iām more in the schizotypal realm of things, which is likeā¦.. I mean, thatās a label that best encompasses my experiences and so far itās the only label thatās been vaguely and tentatively applied to me thatās ever really made me go āoh hey yeah that would actually explain a whole fucking lotā but like. Bits of it are still kinda wonky. Mental health is wonky, I think, generally speakingā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.
I was gonna talk a bit here about my specific experiences but, like, I really had no idea where to start with those and I donāt actually know how relevant itād be to this question aside from being vaguely tangential in terms of psychosisā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ so uhhhh Iām gonna jump ahead and talk WRITING which is WAY more in my comfort zone apparently
and oh my god this was so many words, Iām so sorry in advance, I have no idea if any of this is actually likeā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ super interesting? But I enjoyed the opportunity to talk about it so cheers for that! I think!
(and Iām sorry if you were expecting likeā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ a really short sharp sweet answer, I donāt really deal in shorts or sharps or sweets, I mostly deal in, uhā¦ā¦ā¦. rambling)
Rest of this post, under the cut, which I hope actually works on mobile, for the sake of your dashboards -Ā
So this message was an adventure for me into how the questionsĀ āHow does it affect your writing?ā andĀ āHow does it affect the glitchiness/horror factor?ā are actually two entirely separate things. I mean, theyāre two separate things because Iām assuming byĀ āglitchiness factorā youāre thinking specifically of the stuff in my recent ATDAO posts about body horror and the unreality? In which caseā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ let me get to that in a moment
And since this post got super long, Iām going to start with my extremely short summed-up answer, and then elaborate on itā¦ā¦ā¦
In terms of how it affects my writing? In lots of direct ways!
In terms of how it affects the glitchiness and horror aspects? In some weird roundabout ways! Itās not where the horror stems from, but itās where the response to the horror stems from and where a lot of my descriptive choices stem from! Itās not the horror, but itās kind of the lens through which I explore the horror!
AND NOW HERE WE GOā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ WORDS AHOY
So in terms of how it affects my writing, generally speaking
boring straightforward answer first:
Itās something that crops up in a super literal sense, just in that Iāve got a fair few characters who are psychotic to some degree or another, and itās something that plays into how they relate to the world and their specific character voice and how they respond to the situations they find themselves in.Ā
somewhat irrelevant, itās, uhhhā¦.. something that I feel interacts with themes in a different sort of way, too.Ā āCause a lot of times thereās, likeā¦.. stories about people going on cool magical sci-fi quests, and thereās Stories About Psychotic People, and thereās not an awful lot of overlap between the two unless itās in the context ofĀ āand the whole magical quest was a delusion all along!ā which, ew
and for fucking REAL there is so much interesting ground to cover and opportunities for different perspectives and new avenues through which themes can be explored, like, in that overlap of stories. Itās something I wish I saw a lot more of in fiction! Which is another huge driving force in, like, why I write stuff the way I do
and now slightly more interesting:
Worldbuilding! Itās definitely something that plays into worldbuilding and likeā¦. my love of creating stories that are kinda justā¦ā¦.Ā āreality but a little bit to the leftā if that makes sense?Ā
Whether this is something like Undertow, where thereās a degree of magic woven into the fabric of the universe, where things are connected by invisible threads, where I can give opinions to objects and feelings to the weather and the streetlights, where the earth itself has a voice? Or whether itās something like ATDAO, where reality is coming undone at the seams and the fact that everything is just a little lopsided and haywire is a Mundane Part Of Everyday Life? Thatās something I find super cathartic and quite lovely to play around in! Iāve always experienced the world as Just A Little Bit To The Left, and writing was one of the first avenues I found to kindaā¦. channel and explore and expand on that and put my feelings of strangeness into words?
Itās kinda, like, I like being able to share that kind of vision with others in some sort of way, and not necessarily in a frightening or horrible way, yāknow?Ā
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TO SAY that anything I write is, like, 100% a direct mirror or my own life and how I see the world lmao. A lot of my writing takes experiences and feelings and little facets of how I experience the world and works them into something thatās often more literal and concrete, or itāll start out as My Thing and as Iām writing, it sorta blooms into something totally different. But bits of it are in there, sure, although they change shape a lot! And itās definitely in there with a lot of the general overarching feelings and concepts! Yeah!
One other thing that kinda leads onto my next topic is, uhā¦ā¦ that aĀ lot of how I interpret events and meanings in the world around me can be kind of frightening and threatening, and thatās not reeeaaaally something I want to delve into too much in my writing from a worldbuilding perspective? So generally the parts of ATDAOās āreality but a little to the leftā that start to twist into horror and unreality are things Iāve constructed specifically to serve that purpose, more so than things Iāve pulled directly from my experiences.
AND NOW IN TERMS OF GLITCHY HORROR STUFF HELL YEAH
so again Iām assuming by āglitchiness factorā thatād be all the unreality and all the body horror stuff and weird horror? Which, fuck yeah! Despite my squeamishness when it comes to horror, this is one odd little corner of ATDAO that Iām extremely fond of hahahaha
And, like, initially when I considered this question I was likeā¦. oh, this is not something that really has any of its roots in psychosis or my experiences of mental illness.Ā And thatāsā¦ā¦ kiiiiiind of true? My construction of the unreality and its contents is a lot of me just me sitting at my laptop goingĀ āHahahaha that makes me physically nauseous! Thatās the worst thing Iāve ever come up with!! Iām adding it in immediately!!ā
But yeah, it definitely does factor in, though!Ā Maybe not in as interesting a way as youād hoped?Ā
So first off, my experiences are something that sorta plays into my word choice and the specific way I use language in those scenes. And Iām also gonna go ahead and say that dissociation and specifically derealisation are also things I draw from pretty heavily for those kindaā¦ā¦. more glitchy horror-ish parts? So for me, my experiences factor more into HOW I describe the content more soĀ than any of the horrid glitchy gory content itself.Ā
ācause itās kinda, like, a specific kind of fear, I think, itās a little bit off-beat and weirdly-worded and disjointed and it hits your senses all wrong, it doesnāt make an awful lot of sense but itās still extremely real. Thereās a lot of weird or unsettling bullshit that goes on in the unreality that thereās no convenient Real World Descriptive Equivalent for. Like, cityscapes made entirely of soundwaves, the aforementioned body horror stuff in earlier posts, places that are a complete and total lack of Anything where thereās not even space or colour or texture or light, senses getting all tangled up into each other, something being simultaneously bigger than the sun and smaller than an ant, voices unravelling like twine? LOTS OF WEIRD, BASICALLY
Thereās no nice neat right way to describe that, and if there was, it probably wouldnāt pack the punch it needs to, yeah? But I love that kinda shit, I get to pull from a bunch of really weird sensory experiences and feelings I have no real way to articulate and I get to use language in creative ways to evoke the same feelings, the same experiences, the same sense of fear and wrongness? I get to draw from weird shit to describe a bunch of weird shit that makes NO fucking sense whatsoever and that canāt realistically be tied up with words
Point is, theyāre experiences I draw from in order to Get Real Fuckin Weird With Words
and getting weird with words in this specific way is CATHARTIC as FUCK dude itās so good, itās one of my favourite things. This is, like, the dark edgy version of what I talked about earlier in regards to worldbuilding and me painting a nice odd vision for people to share in hahahaha
ālet me take you on a nice gentle stroll through my imaginationā vs me supplexing you to the ground and beating the shit out of you with a batĀ
And one other thing is justā¦ā¦. Iām sorry, Iām super tired, this bit is probably gonna be jumbled and wordy and maybe not super relevant but uhhhhhhh
So the unreality is not something I initially drew from any particular place in my psyche, but it IS something Iāve come to construct in a specific way, and a lot of it is something I build with the questions of likeā¦ā¦ āHow does a psychotic character respond to this input?ā and āWhat does this scenery draw out in my character and how does it challenge them?ā in mind, so I guessā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ in that sense, thereās definitely still a fairly big impact? But kind of in a sideways way. The unreality is not so much based on psychosis, but itās something I use to highlight specific elements of it, I guess, but mostly in terms of the skills it draws out
ācause like. in ATDAO the only characters who kinda get to butt heads with the unrealityĀ aside from that one random dead car driver who may or may not be vaguely half alive in a state of horrific limboĀ are Jacob and Tris, and like
I donāt ever really frame Trisās psychosis as some horrible terrible thing heās burdened with that makes life a terrible living hell 24/7 but it is, likeā¦ā¦ā¦. something he struggles a lot with over the course of the story, both in general terms and in terms of people not taking him seriously about the Extremely Real Fantastical Nonsense thatās going on and in general being hesitant to trust his perceptions of reality. And ALSO I guess in terms of justā¦ā¦.. the way he relates to the fact that heās been dragged into some Extremely Real Fantastical Nonsense? And him wrestling with how heās supposed to believe in something like that when no one else can see the evidence and everyone is telling him heās just crazy, and howĀ āridiculous interdimensional dumbass sci-fi questā is something thatās reserved for other people, because heās already been there like four times already and it has extremely different implications for him
In terms of mental illness, all my protags have patches of the story where they make it through kinda āin spiteā of their struggles with mental illness (though thatās a sentence I fuckin hate) and other patches where mental illness is just a thing they deal with alongside whatever plots they have going onā¦ā¦ but their experiences with mental illness are also something that gives them specific skills and perspectives and ways of understanding the world that are invaluable, and some of the most important parts of the story are the parts where they make it through specifically BECAUSE of those skills and perspectives
Which is kind of the Whole Thing With The Unreality, thatās its whole deal
The unreality is a fucking huge turning point for Tris as a character, because itās specifically because of his experiences with psychosis that heās able to navigate it so effectively, itās because of the specific skills heās developed and the practice heās had in similar circumstances
not, like, the SAME circumstances, but things from other contexts that kind of, transfer, circumstances where the same skills are applicable
ācause like, turns out, heās really good at navigating confusing frightening hellscapes where nothing makes sense and mis-stepping can get you killed, because heās had a whole lot of practice just like. existing as a person with psychosis in a weird apocalypse world where reality is collapsing in unpredictable ways. He spends a lot of his life trying to make sense of reality and figure out the rules and developing countless systems for navigating the world safely, which he often needs to adjust at a momentās notice, or completely scrap and reconstruct. Heās had a lot of experience of just sorta waking up and whatever bullshit is going on heās just gotta be likeĀ āok cool so this is what weāre doing today, I have to deal with this, so how can I deal with thisā.Ā Heās used to grounding himself and problem-solving even under intense pressure and when heās terrified and regardless of whatever objectively horrifying nonsense is happening around him. Heās used to sorting the horrifying things that are not dangerous from the horrifying things that are extremely dangerous.Ā Ā
Heās basically the one character who can get tossed into the unreality and actually work with it and figure out the rules even though everything is screaming and glitched out and trying to kill him, heās spent most of his life developing the perfect skill set for it
(and like, this is the first point in the story where he sorta realises that his specific way of viewing the world is going to be a strength rather than a weakness, but like. despite the fact that Tris is basically a walking panic attack heās actually always been the one of the team whoās been the most adept at navigating daily life with the apocalypse, itās just not something heās ever really picked up on)
and uh
thatās kind of a vaguely irrelevant note to end on, actually
HEY THAT WAS SO MANY WORDS IāM SO FUCKING SORRY
I DONāT EVEN HAVE A NEAT WRAP UP TO THIS POST
MY WRAP UP WAS THAT SUMMARY AT THE START
IF YOU READ THIS FAR I HOPE IT WAS AT LEAST SOMEWHAT INTERESTING
#Anonymous#to clarify: i'm not at all opposed to talking about my own personal experiences with psychosis but also#i feel like that would just make this post too rambly and rambly in the incorrect direction#atdao#undertow#psychosis#schizotypal#long post#probably also not as well-edited as i'd like there's bits of this that i've missed and bits that are just real poorly worded#also in terms of like. characters?#there were super super super early versions of tris i wrote when i was much much younger where he like#clearly experienced psychosis but it wasn't something i registered at the time cuz i just assumed#that level of paranoia was a totally normal thing that everyone dealt with#lmao#anyway. well. that sure was some words!#i'm going to go sit in the dark now#i'm so glad that kit is still hilariously underdeveloped in terms of his plotline otherwise i would have probably#gone on a several paragraph ramble about him too#djhfdfkjhgskdfjg#''hi i'm logan what the fuck is a filter''
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Survey #259
"i went straight to heaven, but i kept on knockinā.ā
What's something that makes you feel more creative? Music. What are the last three nail polish colors you wore? Wow, idk the last time I wore nail polish, but probably black or maroon. What's the last thing you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? YouTube is essentially my TV. Quite literally - I don't have a television in my room because I never watch it. What's a DIY project that you don't think actually works? Oh dude, plenty. I have DIY-obsessed friends online as well as a Pinterest, I know this shit, lmao. I can name one though with total certainty because I was with a friend when she tried that disgusting "YOU CAN MAKE cuPCAkES IN A C uP!!!!!" crap. It's the most eggy shit you'll ever try. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I think those crafts are generally super cute. Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? (or what's one thing?) Oh yeah, one of my biggest being my senior prom pictures, but not for the reason you'd expect (save for two pictures of us that're just REALLY fuckin cute): I want them back because goddamn I was pretty ok and I miss that now that I hate my body every waking moment of every day. :^) What color is the zip-up hoodie you wear the most? Don't have one w/ a zipper, they're ugly. Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? No. Do you hate taking naps during the day? Nooo I love naps and usually take one a day. I tend to feel really tired all over again a few hours or so after I wake up. Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Would you ever audition for American Idol? Hell no. Do you know anyone who thinks they're more talented than they are? Lol wow, this is mean. I don't think so. Do you buy gum? Rarely, even though I like it. What's your favorite dollar store? Ā I donāt have a favorite, I'd say? But I think we normally go to Dollar General. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? Maybe like, six? Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? BITCH I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!! I would kill to get married in one, omfGGGGGGGGGGG. What was the most boring field trip you ever want on? I don't remember a bad one. I loved going on field trips. The last time you went, what were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? Iāve never been. Which country would you most like to visit? Eeeeek idk, but probably South Africa. What are your favorite types of videos to watch on YouTube? What I watch on YouTube has become pretty diverse, but I know my favorites are easily Mark's actual big projects w/ egos 'n shit alksjdflk;w gOOD SHIT MY FRIENDS. I still love let's plays, of course! Are you a hoarder? No. Is there a guy (or girl) that you wish things had worked out with? Yes. If you were to start a collection, what would it be? I'd loooove Shadow of the Colossus stuff, particularly the amazing figures they used to have only in Japan. And World of Warcraft stuff; all I have rn is an Illidan poster and a fae dragon plushy hanging from my ceiling that Jason got me. If you were rich, what things would you get done cosmetically? Mother of god, a lot. #1, make me skinny again for the love of fuck. Which would result in loose skin being taken off and probably a breast lift because being overweight ruined my comfort with them laskdjfw. Whiten my teeth and give me laser hair removal surgery on my legs, please. Are your parents too controlling? Not at all. Who is your favorite fictitious redhead? VOL'JIN Blizzard what the FUCK give him BACK What shows have you seen on Broadway? None. Who is the prettiest Asian YouTuber that you can think of? Bitch Mark is Korean and he's gorgeous as fuck goddamn it ain't fair. But this is a weird question. What is the best news you've heard lately? When my mom got a follow-up blood test, things looked good!! She especially needed to level out her sugar, which she did well on. She also didn't lose or gain any weight, so that's wonderful. Have you ever flown first class? Hunny I am v poor. Have you ever had food SO bad in a restaurant that you sent it back? I don't believe so, anyway. Do you talk in your sleep? Very regularly now. Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? OOF, yes. Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? They stick with me for a long, long time. At least two I remember from years upon years ago. Who was the last person you cut out of your life intentionally? My old therapist that I trusted and loved when I fucking shouldn't have. Where were you raised? By who? Eastern NC, by my parents. What were your first words? "Dada." What were some of your favorite things when you were young? DINOSAURS, Webkinz, Pokemon, and Spyro, to name a few. What did you grow up listening to? Mostly country and pop music. What games did you play in the past? Spyro was my obsession, and I also loved hunting games (ironic, as irl I would never even consider it???) as well as fishing ones, plus Crash Bandicoot. What was the best birthday party you ever had? I'm not sure. How about the best vacation? I'm unsure; I haven't really been on a lot. Do you have any secrets you never intend to tell? Yup. What memory would you like to disappear from your mind forever? A nightmare I had about my dad. If you were someone else, would you be friends with the person you are now? Yeah. Do you consider yourself a smart person? No. What friend in your life has been the greatest influence to you? I don't know. Where is the scariest place youāve ever been? What made it so terrifying? I shared a bedroom with an EXTREMELY volatile, violent woman once in the mental hospital. As in she had to go in solitary when she had a violent episode, during which she became very destructive to her surroundings, so as you could guess, I was worried about my own wellbeing. She was eventually moved because I was that uncomfortable. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? Well, Easter hasn't come yet, but we'll probably go to my sister's house for the kids. We'll celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving without fail. We don't pay much attention to others. I'd LOVE to do something for Halloween, we just never have anywhere to go/anything to do. What was the last thing you deleted? Pictures. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but donāt wear often? There's black there. Oh, there's s'more black. What's that???? More bLACK????? MAN, I wish I could pull off pink. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? I had a pretty intense headache yesterday. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? My niece, and yeah, every time I visit. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? The fact I almost never leave my pajamas lmao. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something youāre watching for the first time? A few days back, I was reeeaaally bored and actually watched TV deliberately, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????? It was The Witcher; wasn't bad. I'd be willing to watch more. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? uuuuuggggGHHHHHHHH let me be GOTH. Give me a corsette if they weren't notoriously uncomf with plenty of chains 'n stuff. BIG, SPIKY BOOTS. SKINNY LEATHER PANTS. UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH. Have you ever tried snowboarding? No. Whatās your favorite planet besides Earth? Saturn is dope. Would you ever be a coach for any sport? Nope. What color of eyes do you have? Blue. Do you like tacos? NOOOOOOOOO. White or red wine? Wine is gross. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Foxes. Whatās the youngest you would consider dating? No younger than 21. Do you think suits are sexy? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No. What is your bossā (or school prinicpalās) name? N/A Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I was never really a fan. Respected him immensely as a musician, I just didn't care much about his music. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving? Ham. Turkey is always too dry and stringy. Do you look good in hats? I wouldn't know, I haven't worn one in forever. Never with short hair. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face's eyes? Colons. Do you like architecture? If so, do you have a favourite style or structure that youād like to make note? Yes, and I should really have an answer for this, as architecture was a big part in Art History... Ummm Etruscan stands out, and of course Roman/Greek (even after the class I don't remember their differences well...). I love Middle Eastern architecture, too. What is one of your favorite words, in any language, and why? I just love the sound of "serendipity," as well as uhhhh "sakura" in Japanese and "kanji" in Chinese. I'm trying to think of a German one, as there certainly are some, but they're evading me right now. Where is the farthest youāve travelled on foot? JESUS FUCK probably going to get Sara's brother from school, mother of all that is holy. But it might just feel like it because it was during the peak of my muscle atrophy in my legs. Are there any songs that you perhaps like but avoid because it makes you sad when heard? A good number. Do you like the area that you live in? What do you like or dislike about the area? NO. There's not shit to do and it's not aesthetically pleasing at all. Do you have a memory of when you really thought that you have lucked out on something? If so, what was it? Uhhhhh. A handful, I guess? Oh, uh, the suicide attempt to name one and probably the biggest. I took way too many of those pills to experience almost zero symptoms of an overdose; I did look up what "too many" was, because I wanted that. I'd say I was pretty fuckin lucky. If you have apps on your mobile phone, which one do you use the most? Facebook. Which do you like better: fantasy or science fiction novels? Why? FANTASY!!! I think it allows more creativity and possibilities of something magically "making sense" because yeah, it's fantasy. Science fiction has more "realness" to it, more, obviously, scientific elements versus make-believe. Do you like opossums? Do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets? OPOSSUMS!!!!!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're my second-favorite animals kdsja;lkdjaw. BUT ANYWAY, no, unless it's for rescue reasons. When was the last time someone asked you a huge favor or advice? Do you get asked often by this person? Oh I have no idea. Probably my mom? And no, definitely not. She hates asking for help. What are your thoughts on nihilism? I definitely get it, but it's not my personal outlook. Do you like the snow? More like love. What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? I don't know? I've never even had a real, steady job, so it's hard to really answer... I've only had bad experiences. It's kinda weird to me how you have to work your ass off (usually) to get a job you enjoy, as well as slave for some stupid green paper until the day you die just to stay alive and healthy. But at the same time, it offers a sense of fulfilment and is as well something productive and beneficial to the masses to do. Civilization would be very, very different and unadvanced if we were without them, so I guess it is a necessary thing. Humans gotta work together to keep where we're at. Do you believe in astrology? I've never actually elaborated why I don't believe in it so there ya go: not in the slightest. All it does is offer extremely broad characteristics that, in some light, almost anyone can relate to so they feel included in something. We naturally want to "belong" within something as social creatures, and astrology is an easy one with it being so vast. It gives equally indirect advice that can be applied to a multitude of situations, so people just mold what they read to fit their world. Don't base your goddamn life choices on the random positioning of shit in space. What is something that youāve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? Well, way way way too many OCs that I do indeed love a hell of a lot. If you have a Tumblr account, do you have any followers that you wish would not follow you? Well I'm sure there are bots. What kind of books do you generally enjoy to read? Fantasy stuff, mostly. But I also love novels with deep meaning, particularly about life in general. A good plot is mandatory. Does the quality of a video, on YouTube or a television, matter to you? I mean of course in some situations, like if I'm watching something educational/something to gain visual knowledge from. What is one situation that may cause you to become shy (if there is any)? Don't don't don't don't don't point out that my serious interests/things I massively love are "weird" like it's been years and I can still barely explain why my biggest tattoo is a tribute to some fuckface on the Internet lmao. When one is depressed, what can a friend do about it? Do you find that there is a good method to approach people in helping them combat depression? It is SO important to, first, ask them what they want. Do they want advice, an ear to just listen, just your presence, to be alone? As for combating depression, that greatly depends on the origin (if any) of theirs. There are so many factors in answering this question, but what I mentioned should, imo, always be the start. Do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? Is it a little bit of both? Definitely both. When I'm sad though, I'm almost definitely listening to somber music too. Do you find yourself to be generally a forgiving person? I'm too goddamn forgiving. Do you have an embarrassing memory that you now look back at and can laugh? If so and if youāre comfortable, could you share one here? Omg I have a Bible-length collection of those suckers. I'd prefer not to. What is one skill that you have worked hard to develop? Is there still room for improvement on that skill? Damn, anxiety-coping mechanisms and actually trusting them to help me through attacks. I used to be convinced that they were useless because it just wouldn't work and weren't immediately effective, but you've gooooooot to trust the process, friends. What do you consider to be your main passion(s) and how did they come about? Spreading awareness of the seriousness of mental health and the comfort of knowing there's hope. You can never stop pushing. My own experience with mental health struggles is definitely the deeeep roots of that. Who do you think influenced you the most in your life so far? Why? Jason changed my life in many ways. Trauma does that. He taught me a lot about the necessity of having faith in yourself to survive on your own, a shitload about love and how it's not some fairy tale, and that people change, even those you least expect to. What is something that you have overheard people talk about that really bothered you? I could name more than a few things about race stuff, living where I do. What do you normally say or how do you normally act in response to a compliment? I usually do this shy laugh and say "thank you" with too much enthusiasm. How many books do you own? Do you have more physical books than electronic books? I've no clue where a lot of my old ones are. I have no electronic ones; I strongly prefer to read a physical book. What are your thoughts on higher education? Is it really necessary? In your opinion, what changes can be made? Depending on your aspiring career, it can be necessary, but just as easily, it can be unnecessary. I know for a fucking fact it should not be NEARLY as expensive as it is. Maybe even free, but I have no idea what monetary concerns that could cause with whoever runs the place. Have you ever received a heartfelt compliment from a stranger? Probably at some point. How many people would you consider to be extremely close to you? "Extremely"... like three lmao. Maybe one more or so. When was the last time you had to speak to a crowd? How well did that go? When I was taking pictures at a wedding last. It went okay. How would you describe your general outlook towards humanity? We by no means deserve to be the apex predator and Earth would be a shitload better without us. How long do you think you could last without any contact with your significant other, best friend, or a person whom you consider would be the closest to you? I'll use my mom here, in which case idk. I don't particularly want to find out. I talk to her at LEAST by text daily. Every day now that she can't work/is always home with me. Have you ever realised that someone was lying, but it was too late to confront them? Nope. Eventually speaking up is how I lost her, but.
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Avi's making me answer all of them so now you have to, too. All the ones no one else asks you.
why do i even reblog these things when i know one of you are gonna do thisĀ
am i a masochist
Iāll try to give solid answers.Ā
1) Sexuality?
i dont know not straight but not gay and also probably not bi because i dont just look at people of both sexes and thinkĀ ādamn id tap thatāĀ
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
ben stiller probablyĀ
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
i took vantasā book because it became the one closest to meĀ
āāThat is such a bizarre request I have to agree to do it.āā
4) What do you think about most?
what im doing with my life and why i picked the most unsteady and risky career choice ever and if ill end up fucked because of it
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
āWeāre meeting at Think Coffee at four. Come with us.ā
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
usually with at least boxers on but sometimes naked
7) Whatās your strangest talent?
i used to get into rap battles with kids in my high school class i like to think im talented enough to declare it a talent
8) Girlsā¦. (finish the sentence); Boysā¦. (finish the sentence)
girls dont like boys girls like cars and money. boys will laugh at girls when theyre not funny
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
ive had a diss rap written about me on a few occasions if that counts
10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
probably a year ago i dont keep track of my intense solo shower performances
11) Do you have any strange phobias?
i dont know if either of these count since they mostly just make me uncomfortable but silence bugs me and so does the solo sound of clockwork
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
no but once i got a stick stuck up it because of someone else
13) Whatās your religion?
athiest i guess? like i dont really believe in god or in any higher power otherwise wed have been snuffed out for being pieces of shit long ago
14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
taking pictures or carryin a drink or running when its too damn early and too damn cold
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
behind it for sure
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
that changes by the day. today a band i listened to a lot was son lux
17) What was the last lie you told?
that it was fine
18) Do you believe in karma?
only when im mad
19) What does your URL mean?
i mean
read it
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
i asked vantas and he said the answer to both isĀ āmy eagerness to pleaseā which i dont know if i agree with but i dont have a better answer
21) Who is your celebrity crush?
who ISNT my celebrity crush is a better question
my favorites and the ones i would shit myself to meet in person are tom franco, ben stiller, and robert downey jr
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
no and i dont really want to
23) How do you vent your anger?
i use it to be productive most of the time but if its anger on behalf of someone i smother the person i care about and try to forget my own feelings about it
24) Do you have a collection of anything?
cameras, picture frames, and vinyl records
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
video chatting for sure
26) Are you happy with the person youāve become?
im way happier with who i am than i was two years ago
27) Whatās a sound you hate; sound you love?
a clock ticking or someone tappin in time to the passage OF time
vantasā laugh
28) Whatās your biggest āwhat ifā?
what if id never sent that anonymous message what if id just kept being who i was before
29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
ghosts? psh fuck no. aliens? dude its a real thing aliens are real we have documented proof of it
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
wall on the right, vantas on the left
31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
nothing really? i mean i could sniff vantas and then say i smell him but i dont really smell anything
32) Whatās the worst place you have ever been to?
im not sure i guess the hospital? nobody likes the hospital not even the staff
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
west coast
34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
god have you seen todays performers theyre all fuckin gorgeous
maybe selena gomez she has a cute face even if im not that into her music
35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
spend time with the people i care about and dont waste time on the people i dont
make them know theyre important
36) Define Art.
somebody expressing themselves and NOT bullshitting some deep and fake meaning onto somethin they didnt try with
37) Do you believe in luck?
not really
38) Whatās the weather like right now?
its 60 degreesĀ
39) What time is it?
9pm
40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
yes i drive and no ive never CRASHED but i did fuck up my tire rod and alignment once because i swerved to miss a dog if that counts as a crash
41) What was the last book you read?
a college textbook
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
not enough that id go huffin it but i definitely dont dislike it
43) Do you have any nicknames?
not technically i dont think
44) What was the last movie you saw?
black panther
45) Whatās the worst injury youāve ever had?
a concussion because of the amnesia that followed suit
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
yeah
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
so theres this thing in northern new york called a garbage plateĀ
48) Whatās your sexual orientation?
the same as #1
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
yeah and it sucked
50) Do you believe in magic?
noĀ
51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
not if theyve done me wrong i dont particularly care that much about myself that id hate someone forever over something they did
52) What is your astrological sign?
saggitarius i think? im not sure i never keep up with horoscope stuff
53) Do you save money or spend it?
bothĀ
54) Whatās the last thing you purchased?
dinnerĀ
55) Love or lust?
love
56) In a relationship?
yes and its a damn good one
57) How many relationships have you had?
more than 10 but less than 30
58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
no and i tried like a fucking IDIOT
59) Where were you yesterday?
school and also i had a meeting about my next job
60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
no
61) Are you wearing socks right now?
god no i dont like socks
62) Whatās your favorite animal?
chameleon (but birds are really fucking cool)
63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
answered
64) Where is your best friend?
right beside me
65) Spit or swallow?(;
swallow
66) What is your heritage?
white and i dont think i can expand upon that without being laughed at for BEING white
67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
i dont want to say sleeping but i think i was sleeping
68) What do you think is Satanās last name?
do angels and demons HAVE last names? im not versed enough to make an educated guess
69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
what kind of question is this doesnt EVERYBODY??
70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
fuck no i wouldnt like me if i met me
71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
i dont want to work for lucifer so id save the dog, spend the rest of my day off at the vet makin sure he got treated and then look for the owner
or keep him depending on how big the dog is
72) You are at the doctorās office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
i wouldnt tell them right away i dont think but i dont think i could keep that from people i lovedĀ
id spend the rest of those days doing everything i could to make sure everybody knows they were important to me and then i guess id write a will
i dont know if id be afraid because part of me doesnt want to die and the other part knows its inevitable and that i shouldnt waste time bein afraid of it because like it or not itll happen eventually
73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
god thats a hard choice but can you have a real meaningful love without trust? i guess id have to give up love
74) Whatās a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
noma - ābrain powerāĀ
its just impossible to not enjoy it or feel even a little pumped
75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
nope im not cool with this one i cant answer it i am too paranoid
76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
trust, some sacrifice, and lots of late night talks over late bought dinnersĀ
77) How can I win your heart?
answered
78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
yeah but to a certain point the creativity just becomes finger painting with your own shit while proclaiming you are the MASTER of modern fine arts and wont take any less than three million for your masterpieceĀ
or you know having a tantrum about paint pigment ownership so profound that it marks you in history books as the worlds biggest art cuntĀ
79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
to try and make friends with a jaded grouch
80) What size shoes do you wear?
10
81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
āburied naked without his rolex so dont even tryā
82) What is your favorite word?
answered
83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
soul
84) What is a saying you say a lot?
probablyĀ āits coolā
85) Whatās the last song you listened to?
āalternate worldā by son lux
86) Basic question; whatās your favorite color/colors?
red for sure
87) What is your current desktop picture?
one of those connect four memesĀ
its the pepperoni one but zoomed in on the pepperoni itself
88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
no i do NOT want to kill anybody via explosion thats a shitty way to goĀ
hitler just in case
89) What would be a question youād be afraid to tell the truth on?
āwhat are you afraid ofā
90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies arenāt really doing anything, theyāre just standing around your bed. What do you do?
ask them politely to leave i guess? what the fuck kind of scenario is this night at the museum
91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and whatās even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
1) totally unrealistic i would not eat vegetables without there being some other food group involved andĀ
2) i really dont want superpowers im not the hero type and never will be
maybe some way to freeze time that also includes bringing someone along to the frozen time zone because i never have enough time
92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
the time i got to talk to robert zemeckis because i was fanboying so hard i barely registered half the shit he said and half the advice he gave
93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
i wouldnt erase any bad experience thats just asking for a butterfly effect scenario
94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
nobody because 1) i am happy in my current relationship and dont really want to sleep around and 2) do they not get a say in it
95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
hawaii because its probably warm and comforting there i can buy vantas a second ticket if the first is free
96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
no
97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
never thank fuck my cars interior costs more than i do
98) Ever been on a plane?
yeah a couple times
99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
you cant go back in time and correct any mistakes so do it right the first time or make things right after you fuck upĀ
dont dwell on the stuff that doesnt matter and spend time on the stuff that does
#ask meme#god damn this was long and took forever#fuck you guys and your aggressive support and demand for answers#crimsongenetics
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Winter of My Discontents
Alright, moving on ā
So this is the first day of shit weather this year where I live. Ā Itās weird ā growing up in New York I remember the seasons ā but here we only have two ā winter and construction. Ā It goes from 80 to 40 (F) in about a week ā so yesterday was 75 and sunny and I could read outside and actually talk to people and today itās 59 and rainy and cloudy and I just wanna set everything on fire.
I fucking hate it.
Kids ā I fucking hate winter. Ā It glooms over you ā and everything goes from bright and outside to monochrome and āfuck you.ā Ā My wheelchair canāt go over the snow and it snows here from like the beginning of November to the middle of April and all of those months here I loathe. Ā Summerās ok here but youāre still surrounded by religious lunatics. Ā
Nobody plows their fucking sidewalk in winter so I have to literally risk my life by driving my wheelchair in the middle of roads with cars in order to cross my own godsdamn street just to get food and now this year
my Dad wants me to come into the office three times a week. Ā
(So ā to explain my work situation ā OK ā so technically Iām unemployed ā and thatās cuz of the stupid fucking government who says like āoh youāre making above this much money as a person in a wheelchair? Ā Well in that case Medicaid isnāt gonna pay for your attendants to help you get up in the morning and go to bed at night (Iād need to make, like, 25k or so a year to afford that basically)ā and also if you save literally one dollar more than $2,000 at one time on all your bank accounts combined weāll also cut your Medicaid funding for the attendants and very expensive medical equipment (my chair costs 36k every 5 years) as well!ā so Iām very much hamstrung by bureaucratic bullshit) ā
so in order to get around all this nonsense ā I (with the help of my family) am officially unemployed but I live in an apartment thatās technically rented by my Dadās company ā and in return I write and edit (and have been for like 6 years now) an e-magazine about the 3D Printing Industry (I donāt put my name on it though because again, governmentā¦) ā which is kinda interesting and has allowed me to do both that and focus on my creative work as well ā and I also do some freelance writing and one time an artistic thing for the company as well ā (that money gets funneled to a bank account the government doesnāt know about) but mostly Iām glad Iāve had these jobs but theyāre notā¦I donāt get excited about them. Ā I know other people might, but ā Iām not one of them hahaha. Ā I really want to work creatively, but you knowā¦)
In any case, while my Dad does run the main company as CEO he didnāt hire me ā it wasnāt his idea ā the owner of the company (who has lots of $$$) ā after a year of me searching for jobs after college (very unsuccessfully) called me up one day and was like āyouāre doing this for us nowā and I needed to move out of my folksā house ASAP so I was like āOKā ā
But now my Dad wants me to come in to the office on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays ā and I totally understand his reasoning (heās trying to help me out) ā he thinks that if Iām in the office other people there will involve me more in freelance-type work and Iāll be able to earn more $ - and this is probably true ā and he also wants me to āget out of your warrenā ā cuz he knows my brother was basically the only person I interacted with socially in this entire city on any regular basis and now that heās gone, wellā¦.
So my Dad seems to think being social with the other workers or something will be good for me? I mean maybe heās right but I know everyone in there and theyāre all super old and while theyāre very nice I donāt have much in common with them and even if I did itās still super awkward cuz Iām the bossās son and itās just awkward ā I mean this is part of the reason why my brother left anyway ā he worked there for three years but after those three years he was ready to not work at his Dadās company anymore ā and plus he and his wife fuckin hated Utah anyway and I donāt blame them at all I mostly hate it too haahahaha (cries)ā¦
Though if Iām being honest anywhere Iād live Iād probably find all the flaws in real quickā¦
But maybe somewhere like California where actual things happen and I donāt have to fucking war against winter every yearā¦
Cuz like Iāve tried the work many days a week with a commute in this city ā and in summer itās ok ā thereās a very good tram-line system and Iām close to a station (for this purpose) ā but in winterā¦
So for the first year I lived in Salt Lake I was working the magazine job and I was also working at the local Apple Store as well and that winter I literally nearly died commuting cuz I was super tired all the time (my fatigue tolerance level is super low) and dealing with customers and then doing the magazine job and then I was trying to write a book in my free time (it was the first one I wrote and it was complete shit but Iām proud of it cuz it was the first thing Iād ever finished) but I was basically operating at only 15% power and then one night I was on the train platform and there was ice and I slipped off it and half my wheelchair and I fell into the gap between the platform and the train and if that train operator hadnāt seen me he wouldāve pulled out of the station and I woulda been warm meat pasteā¦
(I nearly die at least six times a yearā¦)
And that was the night I decided Iād quit that Apple job cuz no job is worth that hellish commute.
Even in subtler ways, though the winter is a killer for me here ā there are days when the weather or the pressure changes and my right shoulder (the arm I drive my power wheelchair with) is in so much agony I can hardly move at all ā and this lasts 2 or 3 days sometimes 4 ā
and then they have these frikken godsforsaken mines here and weāre in this bowl-shaped valley so they mine all this dust into the air and so thereās this inversion here in winter and you can literally visibly see the dust in the air and your throat burns for like four months straight and itās like the fuckin dust bowl or something god I hate unregulated red statesā¦
And to top it all off, when I travel a lot in the cold my feet rub against my shoes which happened when I commuted to the apple store and by the end of that year I had sores on my heels that took 6 months to heal and in that time one of my best friends from high school died and I couldnāt travel to his funeral because I couldnāt even get out of my door andā¦.I hated myself for that ā Iād let him down (again.)
To be honest with you ā when I first got offered that job at Apple I was so proud and happy and excited ā Iād been looking for a job for a year after college and I looked everywhere ā all over the world ā in every industry I could think of ā and there was just nothing. Ā Nobody even offered me an interview before they did ā and I have self-esteem issues anyway so I started thinking ā like ā is it cuz Iām in a wheelchair? Ā Is that why nobody wants me? Ā (I really have issues dealing with any kind of rejection because of thisā¦)
But then Apple came along and said āYes!ā Ā And I was like OMG this is amazing ā Iām doing retail but itās gonna be in an interesting (kind of) industry and Iām gonna work with young peeps like me and Iām gonna do creative stuff in my free time and slowly work my way up the ladder and Iām still young I got tons of time to do everything and be everywhere I wanna be goingā¦and then the month before I had the job orientation with Apple my old high school friend had the sudden accident which would lead to his passing a few months later ā andā¦.nothing mattered like it had anymoreā¦
He was hovering between life and death all the way in New York and I was in Utah doingā¦what? Selling expensive crap to rich Mormons? Nothing made sense anymore. Ā For six years before that point Iād been an insufferable evangelical Christian zealot ā and although for two years my faith had been wavering due to me beginning to question its draconian teachings ā at that point I still had it ā but then this happened and very quickly what little faith Iād been holding onto died with my friend. Ā
Iām glad Iāve grown in my empathy and inclusiveness since then ā but on the other hand, I feel Iāve lost somethingā¦
And then a month after my friendās accident I had to present myself to Apple and be an enthusiastic team player filled with evangelism for the products and I justā¦I couldnāt do itā¦I remember that week so vividly too cuz that was the week George Lucas sold Lucasfilm to Disney and they announced they were doing MORE STAR WARS and I was like holy fuck thatās what I wanna do ā maybe not necessarily Star Wars (though !!!) ā but telling stories and weaving myths ā and making a thing that MATTERED to people ā that moved them and shook them and changed them and nourished them and gave them some godsdamned fucking hope in this unjust worldā¦
But I was stuck here in Utahā¦
So I started writing that book and I pushed myself so incredibly hard cuz literally by that point it was the only thing that mattered to me and made sense ā feeling like Iād been put on this Earth to make art and I wasnāt gonna waste anymore time because maybe I didnāt have anymore time, you know?
And like I couldnāt connect with my coworkers ā they were my age but many of them were Mormons with whole families they were supporting and most of the rest (save for my good friend @soundscomplicated) ā I justā¦it was hard to connect to. Ā In college Iād been surrounded by interesting people who challenged my brain and soul parts (at least sometimes ā though academia drove me nuts) ā¦but nowā¦.now I was stuck in the wasteland with no way outā¦
I finished the book and it was crap but at least Iād done something. Ā Then I made that personal safety decision to quit Apple and for the last four years Iāve been working from homeā¦
And this past year or so I finally began to put it all together again maybe ā my drawing skills were improving ā I was writing another book that scared the crap outta me (but that was a good thing) ā about a group of nerds who lost someone close to them and whose worlds were turned upside down as a result ā where the protagonist was a kid in a wheelchair like me and for the first time I felt like I was writing something IMPORTANT that MATTERED that might move people ā letting out all my pain and hope and regret and love -
But then I sent it out to potential agents and waited and waited and waited for months and months and literally none of them even sent me a solid rejection. Ā It was all just nothingness into the void. Ā I understand they get so many submissions though so I tried not to take it personally ā
And I decided this story and these words that Iād finished were important enough for me to publish on Amazon ā so I did ā and it was one of the proudest moments of my life (this was back in April or so) but then ā nobody bought it. Ā And itās not like I expected to make out like gangbusters ā I donāt know anything about marketing or being social media savvy (I mean just witness the godsdamned length of this friggen post hahaha) ā but I thought at least everyone in my extended family would buy it ā but nope. It sold like 11 copies. Ā Letās just say I will love those 11 people forever but I justā¦
Like Iād killed myself over this fucking book. Ā I went down into the deepest parts of my soul and ripped them out for all the world to see ā I didnāt do anything but this book. Ā I did my paying work for the company but hanging out with people other than my brother sometimes? Ā I didnāt have time. Ā I didnāt have the energy.
In the flesh connections are so hard and when youāre working on something you truly believe in ā well ā you feel compelled to WORK WORK WORK and where was I gonna meet people here anyway? Ā
This story mattered more than my own happiness.
And now that it hasnāt done well? Ā What was it all for? Ā Really? Itās not that Iām not totally effing proud of what came out ā I am ā probably more than any other art Iāve ever made ā butā¦I dunno I guess I just have delusions of grandeur for myselfā¦sometimes I feel like if Iām not Shakespeare ā if I canāt support myself with my art ā Iām a failure. Ā
Iāve failed. Ā My life has been a waste!
And then I sit back and I try to remind myself thatās an incredibly toxic and terrible way of thinking but at this point I literally canāt help itā¦
I donāt know what to work on next creatively. Ā And now Iām having to spend more time away from my creative stuff and I donāt want to ā I really donāt give a shit about the meager extra money Iām gonna get by going into the office ā I want those hours Iām gonna waste there back! Ā I donāt want to spend more hours not doing what I was born on this earth to do.
That probably sounds super privileged of me and Iām lucky to be where I am and blah blah blah but I justā¦ā¦and when the winter really comes and thereās snow on the ground I literally will not be able to go to the office (or even leave my apartment easily for that matter) and my Dad understands that ā but I justā¦
Maybe I just donāt want to do that stuff anymore? Ā Iām probably coming across as a super lazy and ungrateful person ā and I am, butā¦
I just donāt have many friends here anyway and spending energy on commuting is just not gonna help that at all and I see no way out and Iām literally crying as I type this and I want OUT OUT OUT so bad but I donāt know what that means or what that looks like and I am cold and scared and lonely and tired and
For the past month itās been warm and sunny and Iāve had Blondie to distract me from all this pain and mounting mediocrity and itās been nice cuz I havenāt really had a crush in the flesh since college ā like literally the last girl I allowed myself to fall for is now married with two kids hahaha and that night I got my head stuck in the fridge and I didnāt say this in the original post but
I was literally kind of sobbing because my brother was leaving (heās gone now) and I donāt have many good friends (especially here) and my book I cared so much about fucking crashed and burned and I put my fucking soul into that thing and it wasnāt good enough IāM NEVER GOOD ENOUGH and then my chair crapped out and I was about to die and I cried for like an hour (I havenāt cried like that in like seven years ā since before my friend died) but then I stopped crying cuz Leiaās Theme came on my shuffle and it gave me some hope so instead of crying I was yelling and then somebody busted open my front door
And she was literally an angel and just sweet and all my everything just washed away and everything was OK but now ā itās just ā that distraction is fading away and I am facing my reality andā¦
As with every winter here, I am growing restlessā¦
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Michtape headcanons
Michtape(Rich Goranski/Michael Mell)
Rich is constantly flirting with michael all the time. Usually in subtle ways but there comes a time where he might just up and say āHey are those space pants, because that ass is out of this world.ā
The first time michael met richās parents, rich was fighting with him throughout the day constantly just āMichael you have to brush your hairā āMichael you have to wear a tieā āNo, Michael, pants are not optionalā and michael, being the rebellious loser he is, showed up to a classy dinner with Mister and Misses Goranski in a suit jacket, bow tie, button up shirt, styled hair, and to piss of Rich, bright red cargo shorts.
The first time Rich met Michaelās parents he worked for about a week practicing talking without a lisp without his squip because he was worried michael family would make fun of it, as michael had. Immediately Michaelās mother found it charming yet couldnāt resist turning to michael and asking him, āDoes he speak like that because you kissed him too hard?ā Immediately mortifying rich.
It was richās idea to call themselves Michtape, a sharp and more pleasant contrast to what michael called his last relationship (Meremy Hell). Rich decided on this name because while it was also a mixture of their names, it played towards michaelās love for older forms of entertainment and richās odd love of rap music.
If Rich canāt sleep, he calls michael in the middle of the night to let him know. And michael, being the decent person he is, will stay up listening to his problems ranging from his dadās drinking habit to old feelings heās having about Jake while still in this new relationship. Michael has fallen asleep several times during these calls.
Michael is the one who organizes dates and get together a for him and Rich. And rich is one hundred percent okay with this. Rich was so used to planning everything in his previous relationships and being on charge, that he finds this help on planning kind of nice.
Though if michael goes overboard rich will go off the handle and get immediately upset and fuming because the lack of control just brings him back to the SQUIP days, and he canāt handle any of that.
Michael has a stockade of mountain dew red in his basement in case Rich does feel paranoid that the squip is coming back. He tends to try to cater to Richās needs, unlike his relationship with Jeremy where michael was the one who tended to be fawned over.
āListen I know itās late but you looked hella sad today, my man, and I know you might not want to talk about it but like youāre never sad, Mike, so if you got a problem and you need to talk, Iām here so uh, yeah, call me back, babe. Unless you donāt want to talk I know you might not because usually if I see you and youāre remotely sad you bounce back within twenty four hours so, yeah, youāre probably good but Iām still checking in ācause you take care of me so I gotta take care of you too. So yeah. This is rich. Call me back soon and gimme an update.ā
Richās worry making michael feel better about himself on a daily basis though him still letting rich know that āBabe, dude, bro, donāt worry Iām fine just some anxiety Iām not sad my brainās just fucked, aight? Iām cool, youāre cool, I love me and I love you.ā
/Michael carrying rich on his back when heās too tired to walk/
The first time michael and rich say I love you is kind of michaelās fault because, while michael is a fan of horror and scares, heās absolutely terrified of heights and amusement park rides. So when Rich decided to strap into the Top Thrill Dragster, Michael grabbed his hand as tight as he could, going immediately pale while Rich was next to him having a fuckinā ball. He closes his eyes as the ride starts to go up, slowly, slowly, until he squeezes his hand tighter and says āDude Iām sorry if I was kinda put off by you at first you were kind of an ass before but now I love you I love you so much before I die on here I want to tell you I love youā and Rich just stares and fucking /laughs/ and as heās begins to say āI love you tooā the ride throws the car forward and they spend the next minute screaming and Michael most likely crying until the ride is done.
Michael playing connect the dots with richās freckles when he falls asleep in class until he wakes up. Once he woke up and found a picture of Christine on his left leg. Another time, part of the preamble to the constitution. Michael gets more and more creative each time, once even making one unbreaking line up richās left arm, down his right, and back again until he had a full maze drawn on richās arms and shoulders.
Message me more headcanons or questions you have about these two
#michtape#michael mell#bmc#bmc musical#bmc the musical#be more chill#be more chill musical#be more chill the musical#michael mell bmc#michael bmc#mell bmc#michael#mell#michael mell be more chill#michael be more chill#mell be more chill#rich goranski#richard goranski#richard#rich#goranski#rich bmc#richard bmc#goranski bmc#richard goranski bmc#rich be more c#rich be more chill#richard be more chill#richard goranski be more chill#richard and michael
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Holy shit I love your analysis' of Jimin and Namjoon!! Would you mind doing one for Jungkook as well? I know a lot of people were confused as to why Namjoon put him in Ravenclaw over Gryffindor/Slytherin.
Hello~
Itās really weird for me that you guys actually care about and value my opinions Ā on this whole business so thank you so much for giving my ramblings the time of day omg
for those who are wondering about my thoughts on gryffindor!namjoon and slytherin!jimin hereās the links to those:
Namjoon as a Gryffindor || Jimin as a Slytherin
So like, I really. really. really. love the idea of Ravenclaw Jeon. (But listenā¦ I used to be a hardcore Slytherin!Jeon person okay, so I understand your feels on this. I do.)Ā
Ā here goes nothing
Ravenclaw Jungkook confused a lot of people. And I really get it because Ravenclaw was so fucking shafted in the books.Ā
We had so many Gryffindors and Slytherins to relate to, and we had a fair share of badass Hufflepuffs (TONKS) to base our opinions off of. But there were only a few Ravenclaws that were given the time of day in the books, and only one of those was a major character. We had Luna, Trelawney, Lockehart, and Cho. Choās amazing character was wasted by JK ā she was written with the personality of a dish rag and didnāt really get the spotlight she deserved. Trelawney was presented as a crazy old lady who sometimes ?? served a purpose. Lockehart was an idiot. All we really had was Luna.
But it wasnāt just the characters. Ravenclaw has a really weird reputation. Before I wrote this, I asked a bunch of my casual and hardcore HP fan friends to tell me the characteristics they associated with each house. And I got pretty much what I expected:
Gryffindor: Leaders, brave, courageous, brash, strong
Slytherin: Cunning, resourceful, calculating, perfectionists
Hufflepuff: Loyal, kind, hard-working, determination, cheerful
Ravenclaw: Smartā¦?? they areā¦ smart people?? They do thingsā¦ā¦.smartlyā¦ā¦
Like for real. Whenever I asked people what traits they associated with Ravenclaw, all anyone was ever able to tell me was that Ravenclaws were supposedly smart. And thatās got a lot to do with the fact that when the sorting hat sings off about all the houses, it lists all these great traits for the other houses, but when it comes to Ravenclaw it says this:
āOr yet in wise old Ravenclaw,If youāve a ready mind,Where those of wit and learning,Will always find their kind.ā
And then the books go on to say that Ravenclaws are,
characterised by their wit, intelligence, and wisdom.
So maybe youāre like me, and I am REALLY guilty of this, but when I first read this in the books I kinda just thought these all meant the same thing. So maybe thatās where we got this idea that all Ravenclaws are good for are being smart.
But it wasnāt until I looked up the actual definition of each word that I realized these were all saying really different things:
Intelligence - the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.Wit - a natural aptitude for using words and ideas in a quick and inventive way to create humor.Wisdom - the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.
^^^^this is just webster dictionary definitions here. The bolded words are the ones I want to focus on.
Skill. See ā Ravenclaws are supposedly smart. But this doesnāt always have to mean BOOKSMART, and I think thatās where we had a lot of trouble with Jeon. No one is saying he is dumb or anything, but heās no Namjoon.
Notable examples of this trait include Lockehart, who was pretty shitty at a lot of things, but had the street smarts enough to pass off his big whole scam for years and years, and was especially gifted in certain charms.
Then thereās Luna, who while shown to be really good at solving riddles, was also portrayed as really physically skilled. In Dumbledoreās Army, while being taught how to conjure a Patronus by Harry, Luna was the first to get it right. She was fourteen at the time, and was such a skilled witch that she was able to perform an incredibly difficult charm - that even adults had trouble with - after likeā¦ā¦.mere minutes of teaching.
Does this sound like someone you know?? Iāll give you an example: Observe this VERY determined Hufflepuff not give up on his dreams and finally have all his hard work pay offā¦ only for someone to come in and get it right almost instantly.
Or maybeā¦Ā āHey guys, this dance move you made up looks pretty cool ā mind if I watch you do it like once and a half and then nail it instantly?ā
And if youāre ever in doubt about just how skilled Jungkook isā¦ remember that he turned down seven other agencies to join BigHit. Thatās how many people were after him and recognized his talent. (This also ties in to my thoughts on the part about good judgement ā Jungkook obviously saw a lot of potential in Namjoon and BigHit in general, so much so that he turned down tons of other companies to be there. He saw something a lot of other people did notā¦ and it ended up being the best decision he ever made.)
But I think another really telling aspect of Jungkookās Ravenclaw personality is that he isnāt always perfect at everything. Heās not always good at something right away ā but that wonāt stop him working really hard to get good.Ā
In Rookie King he was shown to be at the most pretty average at bowling. He wasnāt terrible, but he was about as good as you and I would be after playing a few rounds with a little luck. Well, Golden Maknae Jungkook could not stand to not be the best at something, so he mentions sometime laterĀ (13:10)Ā that heās hired a coach to teach him how to bowlā¦. and then just a few months later uploads a video of himself getting a strike like itās no god damn big deal at all. And he looks pretty proud of himself too.
But all the major Ravenclaws were also shown time and time and time again as being a littleā¦. scatterbrained. Luna, Lockehart, and Trelawney especially, and to an extent even Cho. And Jungkook is no exception. Heāsā¦ pretty gullible. And DEFINITELYĀ scatterbrained.
But wit, intelligence, and wisdom are not the only three traits associated with Ravenclaw. There are a lot of other traits you may not really know about, because again ā Ravenclaws were woefully under-represented in the series. Thereās quite a few others listed for this house:
Creative
Individuality
Eccentric
Quirky
Jealousy/Envy
Competitive
So imma just go down the list because Iām really tired and I canāt made good word things rn
Creative
itās no secret that Jungkook is a pretty talented artist. Heās a pretty damn good photographer too. (This will always be one of my favorite photos ever of Jimin ā and Jungkook took it.) And heās a talented lyricist as well. Heās an extremely good dancer and has a beautiful voice too ā but you guys know this already.
Individuality
Take a look at how he expresses his individuality through his song covers.
Eccentric & Quirky
You guys thought the fact that Lockehart, Trelawney, and even heckin Luna were all in the same house was a coincidence? Ravenclaws are NOTORIOUS for being Extraā¢. Iām not kidding! This is literally a personality trait of Ravenclaws that we overlook so often from these weirdos. And Jeon fuckin Jungkook invented the word eccentric:
too busy doing THE MOST to care about personal space
O______O
the name is bondā¦. jeon bond.
meme child
sometimes he does it on purposeā¦
sometimes he doesnātā¦
sometimes he doesnāt realize heās being a ditz
sometimes he pulls a loony lovegood and says the most socially inept shit
meme child pt 2
all around me are familiar facesā¦
yall remember how luna was like literally afraid of nothing, including creepy/weird creatures? yeah so is this hell child
worryinglyĀ eccentric
alien language
canāt you interact with even insects like a normal human being?
youād be here forever if i kept going soā¦ you get the point. eccentric is jungkookās middle name.
Jealousy/Envy
Jeonlous exists in this god forsaken fandom, and I aināt gonna link it and open THAT can of worms, but if youāre feeling so inclined and care to enter the seventh circle of hell, feel free to look it upā¦ but tread carefully.
Competitive
When I got the first ask about Ravenclaw Kook I had woken up at 3am and sleepily looked at my emails. I saw the ask and immediately had to jot down my ideas to keep for the next day, and all I managed to write in my sleep stupor was this
and then i promptly fell back asleep.
I was referring to this, and if you donāt feel bad for poor Jin in this situation I donāt know what to tell you. Jungkook is intensely competitive, even over small things like board games. He was so intent on winning that game that he literally assaulted someone five years his senior to sabotage them.
And then this is him trying to win a dance-offā¦ doing the most, as usual.
And also?? He was literally banned from the gym because he was getting too buff. And look at him take out that guy in wrestlingā¦ and then demolish poor Jimin, the smallest member of BTS in arm wrestling when he could haveā¦ you knowā¦ let him win or somethingā¦ā¦
Itās a pretty well known meme within the fandom that Jungkook is competitive and always trying to outdo the others.
But when it comes down to it, Ravenclaws are still known for being smart, right? We can take all these other traits and apply them to Jeon but what about his brain?
Heās actually kinda smart. He is able to cover a song in perfect English even though he doesnāt speak the language all that well (but well enough to constantly correct othersā English and heās good enough to tell you heās really not all that interested in participating in English TimeĀ anyways)
And I meanā¦. he can outsmart the other members pretty wellā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦..
But I think one of the most important things to note about Jungkook being in Ravenclaw is to look at who sorted him, Namjoon: Namjoon himself gave Jungkook the nicknameĀ āGolden Maknaeā. He is constantly saying that Jungkook can do anything, or watch this Jungkook can do this, or wow look at him go, or heās so talented this and that. Is it really any surprise that Namjoon would put Jungkook in to a house known for being highly skilled when he believes no less of the kid?
Jungkook has some pretty Slytherin-like qualities ā but tons of canon HP characters and the BTS members themselves have traits that are shared by all four houses. Itās just a matter of where he fits best.
I mean TL;DR, Jeon says it best himself:
gif credit: bwiskook
#austonmatthews#bts#bangtan#jungkook#btshpau#this is even longer than the others oh my god#i also got an ask to explain jin in gryffindor so... that'll happen soon#i did not mean to start this whole series of analyses but#thanks for listening guys#ask#anonymous#long post for ts
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@silent-of-spirit I bet you thought I wouldnāt do it but I didCX Under the cut for sheer lengthĀ
1.Who was the last person you held hands with?
My date-mate MichaelĀ
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
Shy generally but I have myoutgoing moments
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
My friends from DVC when I swoopthrough during my spring break
4. Are you easy to get along with?
Iād like to think so, I hope so, Iāmgonna go with yes.Ā
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
I would hope at least one of themwould yeah.Ā
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
In general? Nice ones, nerdy ones,ones with passion and smiles and stories, people who make me feel good, peoplewho share my interest and also share their interests with me, creative people,really anyone who might bring positivity into my life and also people who Ifeel like could use some positivity. Speaking physically? I dig guys who aretaller than me, Iām weak for baraās but also like trim figures. Gals of anyheight are great and curves and squishy tummies are so so nice. I also have hada thing for blonds since early childhood. But honestly everyoneās lovely andregardless of how you look if our personalities vibe I will probably fall inlove with you.Ā
7. Do you think youāll be in a relationship two months from now?
Well Iām presently in one now so Ihope thatās still a thing two months from now. And I mean who knows, maybe Iwill be in another relationship too but I think I can pretty confidently answerthis question as yes to at least one relationship.Ā
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
My friend Calvin cause I miss himand we need to hang, my friend Mark because Iām doodling his oc right now andthinkin about hairstyles for that, Michael cause Iām watching Rooster teeth asI write this and I associate that with him.
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Not at all.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
My mum I think? Or Julia? My brainis bad at specific times and I had two convos pretty close to one another. Itāsone of those.Ā
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
āThat sounds like an exasperatedconductor XDāĀ
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
In no particular order:
Paris by the Chain Smokers
Satisfied from Hamilton
Waiting For Love by Avicii
Get Better by the Bleachers (my all-timefave 100% of the time)
Waving Through a Window by CalebHyles
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
God yes
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
Miracles more than luck but yes
15. What good thing happened this summer?
This last summer? I got a jobselling cheese at farmers markets with my friend and got to go to cool placesand meet cool people.Ā
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Last person I smooched was my mumand I will probably smooch her again before bed so yea, all the kisses forever~I love my mommy =3
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
Yep, not planets close to us butsomewhere out there thereās gotta be.Ā
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
Nope, he disappeared to themysterious land of Florida.
19. Do you like bubble baths?
Yep~
20. Do you like your neighbors?
Iāve spoken to them once that Ican recall so I donāt really have an opinion.Ā
21. What are you bad habits?
Procrastination, I rip my hair outsometimes, Iāve got shit study habits, I write fanfiction in class instead ofnotes, Iāve got a lot of bad habits but these are the ones that popped intomind first.Ā
22. Where would you like to travel?
Everywhere? Is that an option?Japan and England are at the top of that list since I have friends there,looking at one of those for study abroad. Egypt also for friend reasons. TheNetherlands, Switzerland, France (just so I can remember going this time xp),Australia, the bottom of the ocean, space, other dimensions. I just wanna goman, just wanna go wherever. Ā
23. Do you have trust issues?
Kind of?? I donāt worry aboutstuff like cheating and things but I have trouble trusting that people actuallylike me without ulterior motives or that theyāre not just hanging around me tobe nice. I tend to feel like Iāve trapped people into friendships andrelationships with me so Iām always waiting for them to get tired of acting andend things :
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
Itās a tie between my morningshower and the part of my day where I whip my bra off and know itās staying offfor the rest of the day.Ā
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
Generally Iām pretty happy with mybody actually but I guess if Iāve gotta pick something Iād say my hair becauseit takes so much effort to keep it up how I actually want to and I generallyjust donāt have the spoons for it so itās very rare that Iām actually all theway happy with how it looks and/or feels.Ā
26. What do you do when you wake up?
Lay in bed for five more minuteschecking various apps and psyching myself up for the day. Also sayĀ āI knowā to my screaming kitty cat as he demands breakfast and pets.
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
Neither? Honestly I really donātcare, feel like Iād look weird with lighter skin though so I guess I wouldnātmind a tan. Mostly I wish I didnāt scar so easily xpĀ
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
My mum, Amber, Julia, Caitlyn, Calvin,Nafisa, Sheridan (this is the list of friends Iām 100% sure donāt hate me.)Ā
29. Have any of your exās told you they regret breaking up?
Nope, but Iāve had one straight uptell me he dated me because he felt sorry for me.Ā
30. Do you ever want to get married?
Definitely!Ā
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
Might be when itās straight, havenāttried in a while.Ā
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
Misha Collins and his wifeVictoria Vantoch, Hugh Jackman and his wife Deborra-Lee Furness
33. Spell your name with your chin.
Lauujrfededn (first name was goingso well and then it just went blah xp)
Oobliviojusolsdo (tumblr handle wenta little better???)Ā
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
Not by choice but I was made tojoin the basketball team in middle school.Ā
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
TV
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Most of my life is unrequitedcrushes.
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
Generally nothing because Iāmafraid to break them.
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
Someone whoās as excited about meas I am about them, because Iāve found in past relationships that I tend to be waymore invested in the other person than they are in me. Someone whoās fine with meshowing love often and wants to show it in equal measure. Someone who is my bestfriend as much as theyāre my lover, who has inside jokes with me and storiesand just loves to be with me and I love to be with them and we go on adventuresor sit around and either way its great because weāre great and we make each otherhappy. And also someone I can be unhappy with, someone I can cry in front ofand not worry about running them away, someone I donāt have to hold back with,someone Iām not scared to say āI need attentionā to, because thatās honestlyone of the hardest, scariest things for me to say so I never say it and end upfeeling neglected. I just want people I can be happy with and honest withbecause a lot of what Iāve learned to do in relationships is lie about how I amand what I want so that I bend around what I think the other person wants fromme. I guess mostly my dream partner is someone Iām 100% comfortable and honest with.Extra points if they love dragon age.Ā
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
Daiso is my snackfood and school supplydestination, Forever 21 is where most of my summertime clothes are from, I alsolove the bioware and Bethesda online stores, and Boxlunch is pretty cool too~Ā
40. What do you want to do after high school college?
I honestly have no fuckin clueanymore. Iām thinking maybe join the Peace Corps if I stay on the politicalscience track. Honestly itās more likely Iāll just keep working my jobs andmaybe look for another one to add to the stack. Iāve got no idea where my lifeis going xp
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Depends on what they did. Somethings you just gotta walk away from. The world can give them a second chancewith someone else, you gotta take care of yourself.Ā
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
If weāre alone and Iām quiet Iāmvery comfortable and enjoying our time together. If Iām with oodles of peopleand being extremely quiet I am veryuncomfortable and/or self conscious and probably trying not to panic or cry.
43. Do you smile at strangers?
Usually. I like to see othersmile.Ā
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Why not both? If Iāve gotta choseI guess I chose the ocean because Iāve wanted to explore it longer than Iāve wantedto visit space.Ā
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
Needing to pee usually. Or my catscreaming at me for breakfast.Ā
46. What are you paranoid about?
That everyone I love actuallyhates me and that theyāre all disappointed in me. That Iām actually a horrible,toxic person dragging everyone down, that if I let slip for even a few momentsthat my mental illness is acting up everyone will abandon me. That something horriblemight happen to my mum when sheās out of my sight. Mostly Iām a great bigbundle of abandonment issues.Ā
47. Have you ever been high?
Yep, got a funny story about myfirst experience with edibles if anyone wants to hear.Ā
48. Have you ever been drunk?
Also yep, though only twice so farin my life. I dislike it immensely and generally avoid drinking very much.Ā
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
Not that I can think of.
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Pullover hoodie? Purple. Zip uphoodie? Blue and yellow.Ā
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
God yes
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
My brain and the fact that itās adepressed, traumatized mess.Ā
53. Favourite makeup brand?
ā¦ The cheap one??? I donāt makeupvery much, generally just buy cheap stuff or get gifted things.Ā
54. Favourite store?
Iām gonna go with Daiso for thisone.Ā
55. Favourite blog?
More than one cause I do what I want!Also alphabetically~ Also I can untag yaāll if you want XD
@crispsauceĀ datemate/beautifulfriend
@despondent-dulcet beautifulfriend
@galaga-senpai beautiful friend
Reapers-carino (too shy to tagthem properly) Awesome Overwatch writer
@silent-of-spirit beautiful friend/fantasticwriter
@trollfishprince beautiful friend
Xreader (also too shy to tag themproperly) Awsome Overwatch writer
56. Favourite colour?
Purple, specifically lavenderĀ
57. Favourite food?Ā
Sushi, especiallythings with salmon or yellowtailĀ
58. Last thing you ate?
Chicken Katsu
59. First thing you ate this morning?
Sweetbread thing I got at Daiso
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Not on my own that I can recall.My group did win the skit competition at Jack and Jillās teen conference in2011 I think it was.Ā
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
Nope
62. Been arrested? For what?
Also nope
63. Ever been in love?Ā
Several times. Tends notto work out.Ā
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
I was at my first girlfriendāshouse and we were hanging out in her room talking on the phone with my other friend that Ihad a crush on and who would later become the boyfriend who told me he dated mebecause he felt sorry for me. We were teasing him about something and it endedup on the subject of kissing and in the middle of me talking about somethingshe just kind of leaned over and kissed me. It was nice. She tasted like thehomemade peach ice cream weād had after dinner.Ā
65. Are you hungry right now?
God no. I ate way too much today.
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
The friends I have on tumblr arereal friends and I love them the same as anyone else~Ā
67. Facebook or Twitter?
Facebook
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?
I have youtube on my tv in thebackground. I am not invested.Ā
70. Names of your bestfriends?Ā
Amber, Caitlyn, Julia,Calvin, Sheridan, Nafisa (itās that same list of friends Iām sure donāt hateme.)Ā
71. Craving something? What?
Emotional validation, a sense of purpose,milk tea.Ā
72. What colour are your towels?
Many
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
One head pillow one body pillow
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Yes, Molly the bear and Ducky thepencil case duck.
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
Iām gonna say 100. Thereās atleast 30 in my room right now and then all the ones I ever had growing up invarious storage slots in this house and our house in the south.Ā
75. Favourite animal?
Cows on land Jellyfish in the sea
76. What colour is your underwear?
Black with red trim and HelloKitty on my butt
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
Rose
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
Grey with grey text
80. What colour pants?
Invisible (aka none)
81. Favourite tv show?
Itās between Gallivant and StevenUniverseĀ
82. Favourite movie?
Iāve got a lot but Big Fish or Spyare probs at the top right now
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Mean GirlsĀ
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
Hmmmm 21 Jump Street
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
GretchenĀ
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
BruceĀ
87. First person you talked to today?
MichaelĀ
88. Last person you talked to today?
Mum
89. Name a person you hate?
Our present POTUSĀ
90. Name a person you love?
My mum
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
Our present POTUS
92. In a fight with someone?
Not that Iām aware ofĀ
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
Like six????
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
At least 20
95. Last movie you watched?
Saw Kong Skull Island with mumlast Sunday. It was fun.
96. Favourite actress?
I really like Melissa McCarthy andalso Danai Gurira
97. Favourite actor?
Hugh Jackman and also Alan RickmanĀ
98. Do you tan a lot?
Not on purpose but it happensevery summer without fail.Ā
99. Have any pets?
My precious baby Simba!Ā
100. How are you feeling?
Physically exhausted, mentallyfine
101. Do you type fast?
Iād like to think so
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
Most things.
103. Can you spell well?
Nope but spellcheck saves the day.
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
Lots of people.
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
At least three
106. Ever broken someoneās heart?
If I have they didnāt tell me
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
Only once but yes~
108. What should you be doing?
Drawing Markās character.
109. Is something irritating you right now?
Not reallyĀ
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Several times.Ā
111. Do you have trust issues?
Wasnāt this a question earlier? Ithink so. Check above and if not hit me up cx
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Michael I think.
113. What was your childhood nickname?
Daddy called me Coolio because ofmy braids XDĀ
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
YeppersĀ
115. Do you play the Wii?
Canāt find the damn wiimote butyes
116. Are you listening to music right now?
Nope, MarkiplierĀ
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
Who doesnāt???
118. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes~Ā
119. Favourite book?
Triple tie between 1984, Brave NewWorld, and the Giver
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes
121. Are you mean?
I try not to be. I hope not.Ā
122. Is cheating ever okay?
Only in noncompetitive videogames, like using the motherload cheat in the Sims. Otherwise donāt do it.Ā
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
Jesus no, Iām the family disgrace.Ā
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Lust maybe but love takes timeĀ
125. Do you believe in true love?
Indeed I do. Though I also believeitās not limited to one person.Ā
126. Are you currently bored?
Nah, pretty entertained by doingthis whole thing.Ā
127. What makes you happy?
My friends, dragon age, my cat,music, anime, rooster teeth, video games, writing, tasty food
128. Would you change your name?
Nah, I like the name my parentspicked for me~
129. What your zodiac sign?
Virgo but I was supposed to be a CapricornĀ
130. Do you like subway?
Like the sub shop? I donāt gothere on my own but if someone brings me food from there Iāll eat it. If youmean subway trains I like Bart (bay area rapid transit for anyone who doesnātknow) just fine. Though I often consider how dirty everything probably is.Ā
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
That would probably be Calvin?? Weāvealready determined that weāre too much like siblings to ever date and I donātthink that feeling will change on my end at least so Iād probably let him knowthat and hopefully continue things as usual. No use in making things weird.Ā
132. Whoās the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Once again Iām pretty sure Ianswered this already??? Dejaāvu??? How do you spell that?Ā
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
We are one of a kind irreplaceable
How did I get so blind and socynical
If thereās love in this life weāreunstoppable
No we canāt be defeated
Waiting for Love - Avicii
134. Can you count to one million?
I do not have the patience but Iprobably have the ability.
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
I told my mom the cat broke thehorn on her tiny unicorn statue when there was literally no way the cat couldhave reached it or broken it in the way I did.Ā
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
Open a crack for the cat or elsehe cries and pulls at the carpet
137. How tall are you?
5ā4
138. Curly or Straight hair?
Mine is curly I like either onothers.Ā
139. Brunette or Blonde?
Mineās brown black I also likeeither on others.Ā
140. Summer or Winter?
Summer forever please.Ā
141. Night or Day?
Give me day, eternal light!
142. Favourite month
February has my favorite holidaybut I think Iāll go with July because weather.Ā
143. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope, tried once and thatās how Ifound out Iām anemic.Ā
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
White, dark, milk in that order.Ā
145. Tea or Coffee?
Tea, coffee gives me tummy achesand anxiety
146. Was today a good day?
I think so, yes~
147. Mars or Snickers?
Snickers, even though Iām mildly allergicto peanuts.Ā
148. Whatās your favourite quote?
Thatās a good ass question. Ithink Iāll go with:
āIn three words I can sum up everything Iāve learned about life: it goeson.ā Robert FrostĀ
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yep
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, whatās the firstline
āAnd he said unto them, Let theLord be so with you as I will let you go, and your little ones: look to it; forevil is before you.ā Exodus 11:10
Ho shit, done! Congrats if you made it through this behemoth, you now know a bunch of useless things about me XD Ā
#ask oso#ask meme#i can't believe I answered all 150 questions#add one more and I've got the original pokedex#this was actually pretty fun#about me#about oso
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Why do I always have to learn things the hard way?
Hello, my name is faith and I have an interesting life. Someone told me that I should write down the events of my life and that got me thinking. Ā I've always considered writing a journal-style book, based on all the stupid things I choose to do every day; but is that selfish? Ā Or is it something I can simply use for self-reflection? Ā Is this something I'll let my kids see someday? Ā Hopefully not, I make terrible decisions. Ā I have decided to put absolutely no filter on myself. Ā That in itself is a scary thing, but you know what? Ā Fuck the world. Bluntness is something they need to get used to. Ā Bluntness is what can radically affect my life, and the decisions I make are solely based off of my need to be radically myself.
No filter. Ā What a fun idea. Ā No filter is an idea that scares people, myself included. Ā But like I said earlier, fuck the world. My mom doesn't like it when I swear. Ā I guess I know it's not the most morally wonderful thing to do, but guess what; I'm surrounded by a fucked up culture so no matter what, my internal dialogue is gonna be a little bit spicy.
I'm a confident person. Ā Well, most people see me as a confident person. Ā An EXTRAvert to the max. Ā I'm really just an ambivert - exactly 50/50 according to the test. Ā I know, I don't know where the fuck to categorize myself either. Ā I loudly proclaim "fuck the world" because If I don't, I sink into that fun teenage world of DEPRESSION WOOO. Ā I love depression. Ā I'm an enneagram 4. Ā The "special one". Ā People who passionately cling to their enneagram identity drive me insane, but then again, I don't like most people anyways. Ā I'm creative. Ā At least I hope I am because it's low key my Major. Ā Just kidding, I know I'm creative. Ā I'm also one of the most... I don't even know. Ā I'd like to say unique, but then I become the "quirky" girl, and the very idea of that pisses me off. Ā I'm me. Ā Back to being that ambivert person, I recharge by being alone. Ā I need to be alone to be able to actually think life through and rest. Ā However, I also love spending time with people. Ā To clarify; my people. Ā My Lil gang. Ā My homies. Ā Sometimes I'll get sucked into one or the other extreme of how I recharge; Being completely alone or choosing to numb out all emotion by filling my life with so much noise that I don't even get to feel.
I have a unique personality. Ā Confusing. Ā Not only to those around me, but also my own head. Ā I don't have this thing called empathy, yet I'm extremely good at reading people. Ā Do I care? Ā No. Ā This is what most people would call "mean". Ā I guess I am mean. Ā For instance, I'm talking with a group of people, I see that I'm cutting someone off and overriding them and their ideas. Ā I see that they're pissed at me. Ā But do I change the direction of the conversation to help them feel more included? Ā No. I'm a bitch. Ā Yet the people I love, I love so fully. Ā I would do anything for them. Ā My love language is physical touch, but I show love through how I give to people. Ā I love giving gifts. Ā So so much. Ā Christmas time and birthdays... ahhh so much fun. Ā There's nothing cooler than being able to pick out something that you know someone will adore.
Something you've also probably noticed; I have ADD. Ā Bro, my brain is all over the place. Ā So is my life right now. Ā I could do with a little consistency. Yes, my writing will be all over the place, but I'm being 100% genuine. Ā Though I could probably still edit my writing and be considered "genuine", I'm not gonna do it. Ā Editing is something my perfectionist self has a frickin hard time with. Ā Either it's perfect or it's not worth it. Ā But guess what. Ā Sometimes my brain needs to just shut up and roll with it. Ā Yes, these are my strange thought patterns, but they're the real me. Ā The all over the place me. Ā Hello, I'm faith.
I would probably make friends faster if I chose to chill out a little bit, but I tried that route in middle school and it sucked. Ā Putting on a mask sucked. Ā Using that metaphor sucks because corona sucks and life FUCKING SUCKS but that's OK. Ā *INHALE* it's fine. *exhale,fuckcorona*. Ā Yes. Ā So middle school me chose to be chill. Ā I tried to be cool, but if you see even ONE photo of me in middle school, you would know how impossible that would have been for me. Ā I was homeschooled for most of my life. Ā First, as a Lil babe; I could read by three. Ā What a genius. Ā Then, from fifth grade through half of eighth. Ā Half haha. Ā Yep, I got kicked out of homeschool. Ā God bless my mother. Ā That's when I was thrown into the world of Private Christian Middle School and BOY was that a culture shock for me. Ā
I was the only one who hadn't had braces yet. Ā goshfuckingdarnitMOM why didn't you let me get braces SOONER. Ā I didn't know jack shit about the world. Ā Not even a smidge of secular music knowledge. Ā I didn't know what was 'cool' to wear and what was stupid. Ā I. Chose. Stupid. Ā OHMYGOLLY I don't' even wanna start on what I chose to put on my body. Ā Yet this is a no filter me. Ā Does no filter mean no dignity? Ā Admitting this deletes all dignity I may have thought I possessed. I wore a flower on my head. Ā Every single day. Ā For a year and a half. Ā WHY? Ā Who fuckin knows, I looked like a homeschooler. Ā No fourteen-year-old human should be wearing a giant white flower on their head. Ā But I did. Ā I think the best part about looking back at that though, was that I felt like a boss. Ā I was happy. Ā Even though I was self-conscious and pretended to be 'normal' around the popular kids, I was still confident in that stupid flower. Ā There's such a strange balance between small me feeling confident, and small me feeling insecure. Ā I was so sure of who I was, yet I needed to be good enough for everyone else, too.
To be sentimental and sappy, I guess that's where I am too. Ā A manic middle schooler in the grown-up world of college. Ā I know I'll look back and laugh at my stupidity. Ā There's that whole 'identity' thing. Ā It hits ya hard when you're 13, but I guess I never expected it to come back again. Ā Yes, I know the 'good' answer. Ā I'm a Christian. Ā I've always been raised in a loving Christian home and encouraged to do and say the right things always. Ā My identity is in Christ. Ā Of course... Ā Yet. Ā College. Ā Life gets big pretty fast. Ā The amount of thinking my mind has done this month compared to the past year... It's a lot. Ā Everything is different.
Change has never been something I've done fantastic with. Ā Change sucks. Ā People who are totally cool with change low-key scare me. Ā Yes, I'm stupid and make spur of the moment spontaneous decisions that might affect me the next day, but that's different than a major life change. Ā I guess I just never knew what to expect. I hadn't taken the time to really sit down and think through what my life would look like. Ā But here I am. Ā Back in middle school again. Ā Iām tired. I know Iāll write more later. Ā Probably after I do something stupid. Ā But thatās ok. Ā Thatās life. Ā
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