#and also ive decided not to hold back on spoilers bc is it really spoiling if it doesnt exist in any readable form

[gl1tchxr]

hi so i heard that you have a tragic oc ending. Wellllll im listening :D

it's not really a tragic ending. everything (most everything) turns out ok despite some tragic stuff happening on the way there

(warning for gore/body horror)

Paradox always thought there was so much untapped potential to shapeshifting. sure, anyone with the right magic can change into whatever temporary form they want, but is there any way to make it permanent? to grow back parts of yourself you've lost? to achieve total control over your own body? to become functionally immortal?

he could never try it. not with this weak, flimsy magic afforded to him from his hometown. but now the magic of a god has bonded itself to his heart, and the possibilities open up.

the first trial was a success. all the venom from a snakebite that could kill in a matter of hours, cleansed from his body in a matter of minutes.

the second took some doing. the nasty gash over his face healed easy enough, but repairing the eye was a slow, agonizing process. all that matters is that it worked, in the end, despite the strain.

the third... well it's not really a trial anymore, is it?

it was the magic of a god that finally let him hone his craft. but anything divine is a commodity, and sooner or later someone would come for it. no matter how entangled it was inside him, no matter what collateral would have to be wrought, they would have what they came for. and they took it.

did he ever need divinity? could he become immortal with only the magic he had the whole time? he must somehow be already, he thinks, because his blood keeps running despite the gaping cavity of his chest.

[khodorkovskaya]

12.01.23

sooo a lot of confusing things happened.

i went to see puss in boots yesterday and the hype is so worth it! im obsessed! it was so good!!!

and guess who i invited to the cinema with me...............

yeah, i know, i don't understand either. i texted him when i was on the train from luzern and he said yes. and so we went together.

(i was being weird on the phone with my parents about it so now they think that i have a secret lover lol. like idk i just can't lie to my parents so when they asked me who i went to the cinema with i was like "nobody!!!!" and it sounded very sspicious. so yeah, they believe that im seeing someone new now. but no lol. im just back on my bs.)

after the film we decided to go get a drink (i had green tea) and we had a very strange conversation. i told him about the books ive been reading and how im slowly making my way through kundera's "immortality" but i don't understand any of it. and then we talked about immortality (bc it was also a theme in puss in boots!) in relation to fame and who gets to be famous and who will always be left in the shadows. and then we said something along the lines of "extraordinary people get to be famous and normal people don't". and then i started telling him about how i think that it didn't work out between us bc we're not normal and we need normality to balance things out.

he said that his first relationship was with a normal person and, even though she was amazing, the relationship was boring. and he said that when he realised that i was crazy he found it charming. and it made me blush.

but anyway i started telling him about my zurich friend and my normal boyfriend fantasy and how i just want to fall in love with a normal person and be normal and hold hands. and he said that my zurich friend is very far from normal and how what we had was actually a normal relationship and i was too spoiled to realise it. he predicts that im gonna realise it in the future bc im gonna meet a lot of shitty guys and regret leaving him. but it will be a good learning experience for me.

and yeah he said that im not making sense and im speaking nonsense. and i think he's right bc ever since i isolated myself from society ive just been a bit insane. like im slowly descending into madness which i think is good for me bc i really need to think and analyse things. but at the same time ive become detached from reality. and now i have all these theories about wanting a normal boyfriend and hating the balkans.

then okay girlies bear with me... i missed my last tram and..... slept over at his place... yikes, i know i know.... but he promised we were gonna sleep in different beds (spoiler: we didn't) and we were just gonna drink tea and chat (spoiler: we didn't just drink tea and chat). and uhh im not gonna go into the details but i didn't feel really good. i just felt like... annoyed i guess is the best word to describe it.

i asked him if we could be friends bc i really want to be friends with him. i want to see his future spouse and kids and i want him to see mine. and i want us to be best friends until we die. but he said that if it's definitely over between us as a couple, we're not gonna see each other again. and it made me sad. why so harsh? why can't we just admit that it doesn't work and stay friends? he wouldn't give me an answer.

this morning we talked a bit more about our relationship and normality and stuff. and he said that in order to be a better and more mature person and actually learn from the past, i need to face my fears and confront him. and we can try to be bf/gf again but make an effort this time. and if it doesn't work, at least we would've tried.

so i was thinking about that for the whole day today. weighing the pros and cons and trying to understand what is "délire" and what is actually reasonable. i feel like im missing something in my brain, i swear. why do i never know what's right and wrong? what do i want and what do i not want? i feel like im disabled or something idk.

and then all of a sudden my dad (who i haven't heard from in a while) messages me like "call me now". he's in india now and i thought it was something urgent. so i called him. and the call lasted only 10 minutes (usually he goes on and on about conspiracy theories for like an hour). and this is what he said:

"you need to get back together with B!!! he's a good man. and it's rare in our day and age. there's a slavic genocide going on. and you guys have a problem with homosexuals in europe. and B represents gender values and he's a real man, which is so rare! sure, nobody's perfect i mean look at me. but B has more pros than cons. sure he's lazy, maybe he even goes to see other hoes from time to time. but nobody is perfect and your clock is ticking. you're 23 and healthy, it's the best time to have a child! if you're still unmarried at 30, people are gonna look at you weird. marriage is a status symbol, you know, it doesn't mean anything. you can get divorced. but being divorced at 30 is so much better than never having been married. it shows that you're a serious woman. and you should try to get back with him. organise a theatrical performance or something, i don't know. and tell him that the wedding's in may so he will be keeping busy organising everything. it's better to do things you regret, than regretting not doing things. okay bye!"

what the fuck.

[crypt1niite]

warning!! so many how to train your dragon: race to the edge spoilers below the cut!!!!!! ive rewatched it many times, and my musings often include talking about how things are foreshadowing to future events!! which means those future events will be spoiled alot!!!!

i decided to rewatch it, but write down my reactions and things i found interesting this time!!! this is episodes 1-5, and ill be posting these in installments of about the same size!!! unfortunately, that size turned out to be about 2k words long, which is alot!! this is the trimmed version, which clocks out at about 800!! ill add a link to the full version below!! it has more of my personal opinions + things i found interesting/cute!! but you can definitely get the general gist with this version!

link to the full 2k one with all my ramblings, insead!!

Ep 1

-dagur is genuinely spooky!!

-HIS GIGGLES!!!!

-hiccup and toothless r so cute, they have the best dynamic

-“i seriously need to get my own wings” adore the foreshadowing to the flightsuit!!!

-hiccup & stoic r so fun, hiccup is full of shit, he knows it, stoic definitely knows it

-snotlout is so sassy i love him

-with the power of hindsight?? johann is so shady??? his story doesn’t rlly hold up to scrutiny

-snotlout immediately yelling at fishlegs to grab his leg the moment he gets a grip on something??? i love how he shows he really cares thru his actions even tho hes a total dick all the time

-dagur genuinely knowing hiccup well, while being extremely unpredictable himself, nearly entirely so, is what makes him such a difficult foe and a genuinely intimidating villain at times

Ep 2

-fishlegs, abt to die “oohh!! cool metal!!!” ND KING.

-guys! dragon calls!; hence starts the stupidest fucking noises ive ever heard, JUST WHISTLE OR SOMETHING

-ruffnutt laughing when tuff passes out from the tranq dart is peak sibling

-"i cant say that to him!! hes the cheifs son!!" did gothi just cuss hiccup tf out?? also, hiccup, stop ignoring other ppls trauma and needs for your dragon hyperfixation, babe

-gobber implying he only has one leg bc him mother cut it off when he got a thorn in his foot??

-someone explain dragon biology, snow wraith walks on its wings like a quadraped, but its wings are placed on its back, not its shoulders, like the six-limbed dragons?? look at hookfang and toothless, hookfangs wings are at his shoulders because they are his front legs, toothless’s are at his back because they are an extra third pair of limbs, the snow wraiths is placed like toothless’s but functions like hookfangs???? i am aware i am looking too deeply into this but i cannot help but think

-gobber is not a licensed medical professional take this man away from the injured

-snowwraithsoundeffect.jpg

-gothi the mvp, look at that crazy old woman beat up a fucking dragon with her stick

-that one snotlout image that im always obsessing over happened!!!827.727,

Ep 3

-into the great beyond!

-deathsong song is /so/ pretty

-toothless fucking yanking hiccup only for hiccups leg to fall off will forever be hilarious

-deathsong continues to be the prettiest rtte dragon, butterfly lookin ass

-hookie and fangster???? So fuckin cute, snotlout

-the deathsongs hissing oh my gods it is so lovely

-thunderdrum purrs!!!!!

-hookfang holding snotlout, looking like an exasperated parent

-lowky hate how hiccup thinks he has the right to fuck things up like this, yeah the deathsong sucks for the smaller dragons but it needs to eat, he cant just- get rid of the ones he doesnt like???

-Hookfang smiliesss!!!

Ep 4

-Snotlout hearing ‘need weapons’, immediately doing that evil little grin of his, and fucking /diving/ for hiccups leg

-the the two of them fighting over said leg, only to be saved by astrid from the boars

-what colour r the twins eyes??? Rlly light brown????

-tuff being a theater kid & ruff being done with him

-no bc ruff eyes are blue /what colour r tuffnutts eyes???/

-grey?????

They sorta look grey

-theyre rlly pretty either way but like.. What colour,........

-toothless looking judgemental

-ok the eyes are like- very very light blue with brown chunks near the top

-tuff seems- genuinely really freaked out and no-one believes him and i lowkey feel bad

-astrid is such a fucking edgelord i love her

-look at these nerds with their arts and crafts

-ARE THE EYES GREEN????

Ep 5

-oh god its the thor bonecrusher episode

-no, tuffnutt i have not seen a honey-covered yak on an anthill

-oh gods why

-i love the twins just- randomly being /hella/ intelligent out of nowhere

-“she wants to paralyze you”

“aahh???”

“YES!!!!”

“check that, hypnotize, sorry, she wants to hypnotize you”

“ughhhh, come on”

-snotlout you are a treat

-snotlout is actually fucking staring in awe hes so fucking gay for fake-fishlegs

-I GUESS I CAN DEAL WITH ‘THORS’ BULLSHIT IN RETURN FOR SNOTLOUTS FUCKING FANBOYING HES SO CUTE!! LOOK AT HIM BOUNCING AROUND?!!??

-SIMPLE BLACKSMITH?? DONT DO GOBBER LIKE THAT??

-“was stoics axe” BITCH IF YOU DONT STF-

-snotlout he dissed ur dragon hes a dick i could treat u better baby give me a chanceeeeeee

-“what was snotlout thinking??”

“he wasn’t! he’s in lovee, he’d do anything for his big hunk of bone-crushing loovvveeee” (mockingly)

-gods i love astrid

-i-!??

-HOOKFANG TO THE RESCUE!!!!! :happy:

-poor stoic, rip his axe

-gobber, /why/

-snotlouts one-sided breakup, LMFAO, poor baby

[ohsweetflips]

Pls give us the AtLA rant, I have a mighty need!

askjskjsdkjdskj i copy and pasted my rant from last night bc imo the raw energy of “i am genuinely shocked and angry (in a good way)” is something i cannot recreate right now

so here is the rant i went on in my groupchat + the secret side conversation i had in DMs bc, in my 3 person gc, 2 of us are watching it for the first time and i already knew some stuff going in so i didn’t want to spoil

it’s all under the cut bc it’s long as fuck (like almost 2k words if not more) 

but basically i go into my own type of avatar-state while talking abt zuko!!!!

(I HAVEN’T STARTED BOOK 3 YET, PLEASE NO SPOILERS)

groupchat:

but i just finished book 2 and it took a completely different turn from what i thought it was going to like i am actually in shock and have officially reached my point of "zuko what the actual fuck" because the choice to do good was right there after everything he and iroh went through and after all that he saw and letting aang go multiple times and he was starting to be happy in this new life and saw that he and iroh could be free and he still went back to azula for his pride and honor, turning against aang and katara after he and katara could have finally reached a moment of understanding

but like what the fuck i am more mad at s2 zuko than i was at s1 zuko bc, in season 1, the avatar and his honor was the only thing he thought about, but in s2, he met people who had their lives ruined by the fire nation!! and he worked with them!!!! iroh was showing him what it was like to live completely free, doing what he wants!!!! and he was starting to understand!!!!! but im so pissed and so fucking shocked bc, this entire fucking time, i was like "oh yeah the end of s2 is going to be when zuko joins, right? bc i mean book 3 is fire, so zuko has to teach him fire bending" but no, he willingly chose to keep pursuing the avatar after fucking everything he has seen, after knowing how people were affected by the fire nation, after everything iroh did for him

and he knows what he did!! he knows!!!!! he told azula that he betrayed iroh!!!!!!! he fucking knows

when iroh showed up to fight both him and azula, i was fucking losing it bc iroh's love has been so unconditional for zuko, he supported zuko through everything and even helped him try to capture the avatar at times, but that was the final straw

zuko willingly walked into world domination. he doesn't even fucking trust azula! he never has! but she brought up his pride and honor, and she's powerful as all hell, and he sided with her! after everything!

i really thought he was learning that his quest for the avatar was fruitless! it's not going to bring him happiness! his life in the fire nation will never return to normal

aang has saved his life so many god damn times, him and katara were reaching a point of understanding! they fucking talked about how the fire nation took both of their mothers

and i'm so floored bc this was all willing

when zuko was exiled, he had no choice! it was either find the avatar or have no home. but he was finding a home! he finally seemed so happy with iroh! it really seemed like iroh's teachings were getting through to him! that he was learning what he really wanted (freedom)! but he still went back to the fire nation except this time he chose to. he looked at the people he was starting to understand, at the man who has been a better father than ozai ever could, and willingly chose to turn away for the sake of pillaging and conquering and "honor" in a family that doesn't care about him

at first, i was like "this has to be a trick, right? he's fighting them now so that he can backstab azula later, right?"

but when katara said to him "i thought you changed!" and he said "i have" i was fucking besides myself

im so angry but im also fucking exhilirated bc this i did not expect

i would've put so much money on there being a meaningful moment of zuko stepping up alongside aang

like, i was so sure this would happen

i was convinced

but holy shit

and fucking!!! zuko knows what iroh went through at ba sing se with the loss of his son (and probably the realization that what the fire nation was doing was fucked up) and zuko still turned against iroh

after everything iroh did for him! iroh was the only person who stood by zuko's side during everything. he pleaded zuko's case over and over, he seeked out the gaang bc he needed their help and he was so sure that zuko would make the right decision!!! he saw zuko let the avatar go before, but when zuko was faced w/ azula's assistance and the avatar right there, he just went back to his old ways except worse bc this is willing

and like

am i discounting the manipulations of azula and ozai? no!!!

that definitely had a hand in it, bc azula has been dangling honor and ozai's love in front of zuko the entire time

but i really thought that the end of s2 would be when zuko sees past all of that

except he turned back to the family that doesn't even love him, betraying the only person who truly cared for him and loved him unconditionally and wanted the best for him, and now he has a direct hand in the collapse of ba sing se and world domination

like okay let it be known that this is some of the best writing ive seen and im fucking obsessed and im living for this and it's so fucking good so my anger is fueled by excitement and shock

and also i fucking love negative character development

like. i love zuko. and literally i think that's part of this too bc i was so sure that he was going to make the right decision

and instead i had to face the dawning realization that he wasn't

and now he and azula are teaming up to end the earth kingdom

like i thought i knew where this was gonna go and now i'm genuinely lost (in a good way)

and like i haven't even touched upon aang's chakra being locked bc he went back to katara

(also don't even get me started on the painful irony of iroh telling aang that sometimes it's better to choose love and friendship over power)

(like really don't get me started because i'm about to combust)

after everything iroh did for zuko!!!

after the gaang has saved his life!!!!!!!

and the best thing is, it was shocking but still not out of character

that's the beautiful thing

this was always an option for zuko

it's the point of the crossroads!!! you can go either way!!!!!!!

i just thought he was gonna go...................... the other way

and like literally the fact that he sided with azula after obviously not liking her basically his entire life (or at least his adolescence) is so fucking telling for how he made this decision bc. unless there's some behind the scenes stuff, he saw the avatar and his pride and his honor so clearly, and he saw how powerful azula was becoming, and decided that he would still take it even in the face of azula's manipulations and violence

if that makes sense

if you can't tell, i'm kinda reeling right now

like, apparently zuko wants his honor/power so badly that he'll side with azula!!!

after they spent an entire season fighting her

but also....... azula finally gave him that option of working together. before, it was always azula vs. zuko

now, though, azula was offering a world dominating olive branch

so now like im thinking....... what if that happened earlier? would zuko always have turned? or is it just because everything he ever wanted was so close to him?

and it's wonderful bc it's still so in-character. like, even siding with azula, it's not bc he suddenly cares for his sister or whatever, but it's because he chose honor/pride/the fire nation over freedom/giving up what he always wanted. i don't think he was choosing azula, he was choosing his pre-written destiny over making his own

god is any of this making sense i am literally so fucking shocked

i literally need like 3 episodes solely on iroh at this point bc you know what probably fucking sucks??? losing his first son to the war in ba sing se, and then losing his nephew (who he saw as another son) to starting war in ba sing se

like? that has to feel like a fucking slap in the face ten times over

especially bc iroh left the fire nation with zuko (and probably for zuko), most likely giving up his full title there

and like? the fighting sequences are so cool but it was so fucking heartbreaking to hear iroh tell aang "you go on ahead! i will hold off both of them!" because like. iroh can't wait any longer! he thinks (and knows) that zuko is making the wrong choice, but he can't wait any longer! he can't stand by while zuko dominates an entire city and say "oh, he's really complicated, he's going through something"! because zuko did go through it and he came out of it and he still made that choice! iroh probably feels like all his patience, all his efforts, all his teachings and love, went to fucking waste! because it didn't get him anywhere!

like, iroh probably still loves zuko but he probably feels so fucking betrayed and hurt and disappointed because, after seeing zuko let the avatar go before and seeming so happy, he probably thought that zuko was changing for the better! and now, he has to fight his niece AND his nephew! this no longer is zuko insulting some other general or his crew that iroh can fix by explaining what happened w/ ozai and how zuko is very conflicted! this is a situation that zuko willingly walked in, even after hearing and knowing all of iroh's teachings!

anyways! poetic cinema

like also pls dont think im ignoring everything else in the episode, like aang's chakra being locked was fucking wild and that entire episode was so good, with the fight sequences and everything abt azula, and toph’s metal bending, just forgive me bc im a little uhhhhh distracted by a twist that i genuinely did not expect

i feel bad for how focused i am right now on zuko but also how can i not be bc that feels so connected to literally everything else

also tho on a brighter note, true serotonin was when appa finally returned :')

it's so wonderful that appa broke out by himself. he did it all on his own! no one else was there. at all :)

(im kidding that was actually a very important moment in zuko's character)

(or at least i thought it was going to be)

(well actually it still is, but it's come to the question of "you can always say what you're going to do in a situation, but what happens when you're actually faced with it?”)

DMs:

i know that zuko gets redeemed, right? like i know, in the end, they will all team up

but the fact that it didn't happen now

holy shit

like.......... a whiiiiiiile ago on tumblr, i saw a post that was like "zuko has a great redemption but he needed to work for it bc he did awful things" and like? tbh yeah i got that s1 zuko was the antag and he did shitty things but like...................... this feels so much more poignant

like zuko literally has a direct hand now in the collapse of the earth kingdom

literally not to be dramatic but this is like. taz-reveal levels of shocked right now.

i thought i knew the zuko arc

bc i know he gets redeemed!!

so, after watching this season, i was thinking "oh okay it's gonna be this season! makes sense!"

but.... deep down

deep down..............

a part of me was kinda like "so is season 1 zuko....... it? is that the end of his antagonisms? is season 2 meant to be his redemption? i dig it, but i thought it would be more...................... dramatic"

well!

got what i wished for!

and i am in the best kinds of hell

like i almost feel bad bc so much other stuff happened in the finale (like, for example, aang's chakra being locked, which i screamed at, it was so good) but like. i genuinely did not expect this.

like. holy fuck.

like, now i really understand why people say that zuko needed to really work for his redemption bc he and azula are tag teaming the end of the earth kingdom