#and also it’s like not quitting tumblr cold turkey bc i like it but it’s Bad For Me too much and since browser is much more inconvenient to

[waspcup]

btw this probably won’t work for everyone but the way i got myself to start reading more again was to delete all the social media apps i default to off my phone, restrict myself to using them in browser only, and move the libby app to where the tumblr app used to be so when i go to open tumblr thru muscle memory i end up on wherever i left off in my book instead👍it’s worked pretty well for me so far it’s been a month or so

[ilostyou]

i admire the dedication of people who have active sideblogs for different things bc that was literally my intention for this blog when i started it but now it’s just become more of a main than my main ever was

[airshipvalentine]

I have seen you post about it forever and yet I still haven’t been able to parse what it is or what it’s about. What’s Fremont County?

HAHAHAHA i was wondering how long it would take for someone to ask this!!

fremont county monster hunters is a monster of the week rpg campaign i've been playing sporadically for the past 2.5 years. (and when i say sporadically i mean we've played 4 arcs in about 6 or 7 ~6 hour sessions over the past two and a half years). and because of how long we go without playing (and because we are moderately obsessive people), we get reeealll hiatus-brained in the interim. i am irrevocably obsessed with it.

the premise is that the party is a group of people who can see through the Glare (like the Mist from pjo), who all attend fremont county community college in *mumble mumble* pacific northwest america. i always imagine it as northern california but i honestly don't know if there's a more specific location?

there's a prophecy involving the world ending in fire, and the five people who are there for it. (presumably to stop it, but the prophecy is pretty vague and the only person who has access to it recently lost their clairvoyance) but before that happens, we fight vampires and stuff

that's the short version. i'm gonna talk more about it though bc i can talk about this campaign forever

i play shay song, photo/journalism major first, reluctant Chosen One second. he found a meteorite sword in the woods a few weeks after his dad died under mysterious circumstances, and he's been fighting monsters ever since! he's down to earth and moderately neurotic, and desperately wants to just be normal. (sucks for him though, because that is straight up not going to happen)

also in the party are:

shamsiel, the divine. she's a cherubim sent by The Bureaucracy, a consortium of angels that's essentially a corporate office. she's been tasked with protecting shay and ensuring the prophecy comes to pass. she's a fish out of water who doesn't exactly know how to interact with people, and she's devoted to her cause above all else. i talk about her and shay most on here bc her player is also on tumblr (hiiiii sofie)

levi, the monstrous. a obnoxious rich boy and literal demon. he's sent by his demonic father to do ?????? carry out his demonic bidding? it's unclear. he likes to hang around the party and make passive-aggressive comments and be helpful when it's convenient for him. he's also shay's roommate! they had a homoerotic streak going that was probably a thinly veiled excuse for my partner an i to flirt with each other in the most roundabout way possible before we started dating. he also kidnapped a beloved npc in the most recent session! we're gonna beat him up

anna baker, the spellslinger. absolute sweetheart and heart of the party. she started learning magic and took on a superhero moniker to fight monsters and crime! (<- this doesn't come up nearly as much as it should, btw. i want a tales of ba sing se episode about cold turkey asap) oh yeah, that moniker was "cold turkey". her catchphrase is "you're about to quit crime... Cold Turkey." she's the best.

claire fitz, the mundane. currently in the "denial" stage of realizing she's a lesbian. she's a culinary arts major who carries around a fireaxe. she's kind of weirded out that she's part of this prophecy, but she's very capable and helps about as best she can. she's also lying to all her high school friends! they all think she's going to yale right now! what's that about???

and mila, the seeker! former cheerleader, constant conspiracy theory enthusiast. she's 100% convinced that aliens are real and will do her best to make sure you believe too. psyched beyond belief that she was right and monsters are real. will hold your hands and say "i don't need you to believe. i just need you to trust me and open your mind to the possibilities." kind of miffed that she isn't part of the apocalyptic prophecy, but it's fine.

also, notable npcs!

don powers, shay's former soccer nemesis. business major. kind of a dick, but we're trying to reform him. buried the hatchet with shay recently due to, uh, a common enemy forming. canonically in love with alder as of arc 4.

alder caine, don's roommate. my favorite. got into some shady deals with demons, and now they're hunting her down! levi kidnapped her in the most recent session!

nin, former clairvoyant. elected to give up their powers recently, with aid from the bureaucracy. it was sus as fuck! also dating anna. they're cute

there have been four arcs so far

from rush till prom, the vampire frat arc

the vengeful spirit stick, the cheerleader ghost arc

the switching hour, the doppelganger bottle episode

the deck of many flings, the tarot/love spell episode

ok that's the broad overview. i could talk about this for hours but i will leave it at that :) there's an in-character twitter feed i made though

[acanvasofabillionsuns]

u guys ever hold two loose conversations + reading a fic at once and so you jump back to reading for a sec while u wait for a response, but then one of the conversations is like mostly ended so you're like 'hmm should i go check discord to see if they've replied' and decide nah not yet bc you forgot the other conversation was happening and so you accidentally ghost your friend for like 10 minutes? yeah.

pari if u see this i'm sorry

good fic though!!! it's one i read like a year ago and subscribed to and i got a new chapter email today so i'm rereading :]

i also got another honedge with the poketwo bot :D my collection grows

pajama day today but like i was cute <3

also that made it easy for me to take a lil sort of nap this afternoon which was nice

air fried some steak fries + ate cold peas + homemade turkey sandwich + my dad brought me a sonic pretzel = good lunch

we had homemade pizza for dinner and it was SO good ahhhh

i had a klondike bar :]

i've been going through theamandafiles' AC playlist for the past few months and i just reached her collaboration with sherb,,,, she's so funny and fascinating y'all aksjdfa;slkdfs;ldk <3

also i started watching steven universe !! they really just dump you in no context learn as you go huh

i've heard SU future addresses his trauma and WOW he really needs it. i watched like 6 episodes and he's had his life threatened in like all of them 😭 the cat fingers one was not life threatening but was quite traumatic i'm sure. someone put this kid in therapy

it's neat so far though <3

scrolled a lot through this one person's tumblr so have fun seeing all the posts i queued from them tomorrow a;lfdjad <33 i had fun reading them

listened to glass animals with rac and percy!!!! that was so nice :]] i didn't understand hardly any of the lyrics i was just vibing

[cuntess-carmilla]

I've been seeing your posts about pregabalin and I take 150mg 3x a day and it is so dramatically helpful! I'm curious about your descriptions of it helping w energy and mood bc when I had a lapse in insurance and had to go off the pregabalin I found out that it has like... really vicious withdrawal symptoms like people get suicidal. So I'm really curious if any of the mood/energy stuff especially could be coming from not being in withdrawal anymore? like if you take it as a PRN or like not every day anyways. I'm not saying like whatever effects you're observing aren't there! I just wanted to make sure you were aware of this as a potential factor in your experimentation - because my drs sure as hell didn't tell me! I only found out when I went from emotionally well balanced to depressed as hell and I don't think it was JUST that my pain was suddenly doubled. (tho that was def a factor) Anyways thank u for your tumblr presence, you always give me a lot to think abt and you sharing your chronic illness journey has helped me w my own!

I've read that people who quit pregabalin cold turkey experience nasty withdrawal, yes. I'm sorry your doctors didn't bother to tell you and you had to find out the hard way. :/

As for me, I didn't experience withdrawal at all. I only take 150mg at night though occasionally I take a bit more, so maybe me taking a lower dose is why I've been fine.

Now, NOBODY READING THIS FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE, it's irresponsible and risky: I have a bad habit of quitting meds cold turkey when I decide to stop taking them, and if I restart them I do it in the full dose I was previously taking right away because I'm very impatient, but I'm lucky that I've never had any of that backfire on me so far. It's the one thing my body is kind to me with.

Pregabalin doesn't really affect my mood per se, like, on an emotional level. I think I just feel physically elated because it takes me back to how enthusiastic and slightly restless I was as a kid, when I wasn't experiencing much chronic fatigue, it gives me my sex drive back which I used to have a lot of before my autoimmunity started kicking my ass, and also it feels pleasurable and when my body for once feels effortless pleasure I'm just overall happier.

Your last paragraph means a lot to me. <3 Thank you too for worrying about me while being respectful of my perceptions and my decisions, that's a rarity.

[unintentionalgenius]

I posted 3,950 times in 2021

117 posts created (3%)

3833 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 32.8 posts.

I added 1,872 tags in 2021

#0 - 389 posts

#spn - 1003 posts

#you gave me an eldritch monster and called it a man - 118 posts

#art - 97 posts

#dean winchester - 50 posts

#castiel - 50 posts

#911 s5 - 44 posts

#destiel - 41 posts

#evan buckley - 40 posts

#eddie diaz - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#once again i am reminding ryan murphy et al that this show doesn't have to be so tight that we never get time to experience emotions

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Actually Tim has said that Eddie Díaz was written because of Ryan Guzmán, he did an audition for a Fox show and he decided not to take the opportunity because he didn’t like it. But 911 saw his tape and decided to literally create Eddie as an image of Ryan, which is why he has the same ethnicity and background.

oh WOW so like. it is SUPER because of ryan. male television writers really will just have a crush on an attractive man and go to any lengths to get them on their show, huh.

(ty anon!)

11 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 05:25:05 GMT

#4

Ok beloveds I have a confession

I have never seen s1 of 911

I’m about to start the first episode right now

11 notes • Posted 2021-09-06 03:03:06 GMT

#3

my brother had a very bad leg break. of course no where near the extreme of a truck crushing him, but a bad open fracture to both his tibia and fibula. he has and will continue to have chronic pain from it all his life. when he over does it, he limps. its sore when it rains. i want to see those moments with buck.

oh wow! I am so sorry that happened to him; even if it wasn't as bad it's still so traumatic and that must have been (and probably remains, on some level) really hard.

But I totally agree, there's no way he's just - fine. Even in as temperate a climate as LA, that doesn't just go away. Also I would love to see representations of chronic pain onscreen! In a character we already love and have already invested in. My biggest "tim et al. meet me in the parking lot" grudge is how they tend to only remember the horrifically traumatic things they do to their characters when it's convenient.

16 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 03:40:37 GMT

#2

y'all I am worried about maddie like she's a personal friend. i was just washing dishes thinking "where is she gonna go? is she gonna be ok? does she have a plan? she can't quit most of those meds cold turkey I hope she's thinking about that..." i'm CONCERNED

21 notes • Posted 2021-10-06 18:27:14 GMT

#1

you are 100% right about the tattoos

i think oliver has one on his wrist that does does get covered but im not totally sure

ahhh I love when I'm mostly right

also would LOVE to know what oliver has on his wrist that is so ooc they covered it and not Ryan's v aggressive fancy script down one whole arm lol

though actually as i think about it I can TOTALLY talk myself into the v big fancy script being in character (I can talk myself into most things lbr) bc it says something I recall as being realistic for Eddie to have tattooed on his body (there's a really good screenshot of it from some point where he's chilling in the truck with his arm laying along the window but I can't find it because tumblr is trash for searching)

on a separate note I am always STUNNED by actors who have the number of tattoos someone like oliver has, bc when I was coming up (maybe because I did theatre rather than film?) it was absolutely drummed into anyone who wanted to be a performer that you just absolutely did not get tattoos and if you did, you got them in places they wouldn't show very often, and you got really good at covering them for auditions and stuff but in general it was super frowned upon

and yet here comes oliver with?? maybe like 8 or 10 distinct tattoos? many in very visible places? our acting teachers would NEVER have let us get away with that lol

28 notes • Posted 2021-09-04 23:59:50 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[thebeautyis]

As an anon I'm part of your (you, Jess, etc.) problem. You guys have been such a big part of this fandom & are most of our go-to people to share ideas & comments with. Sometimes when we still want to talk about it or share a thought it's hard to remember that you don't. Especially when I get zero messages in my inbox as an anon so I can't really relate to how annoying it is for you to get hundreds/thousands of the same SC message. It's really 2 fold on why it's hard to balance. 1 reason is (p1)

as I just mentioned, it's hard to relate how done you are with the convo getting all those messages when we still wanna talk it out having not said much about it yet. 2-the fact that some of us still believe in the ship. It's hard to cut it off if you think this engagement is bs & still want to enjoy SC. I first and foremost want to be respectful of you guys/your wishes as far as what you do/do not want to talk about but this is a hard habit to kick. Collectively trying to balance it all can get tricky & unfortunately bc you are our go-to people, you guys pay the price for it w/ the annoyance of being a voice of reason & sounding board to this fandom. You guys have always been great. This is an apology, not me saying anything neg about how welcoming you've been. I just want to point out that's where a lot of us are at too which is why you probably still continue to get message after message of SC stuff after you've said you're done. Sorry for that but TY for being there.

sorry right off the bat if this gets rambly. my head feels like it weighs 100 pounds right now but I want to answer your message bc I think you summed up how a lot of people are feeling, just based on the messages I’ve gotten. I know people, especially if you’re relatively new to this ship, still want to talk about Sam and Cait and all this bullshit and I know it’s hard with so many of the older/larger blogs kind of backing off. I’m torn bc I, like many others who have stopped blogging, have been here for a long time and this is not our first go around with this kind of fuckery. It’s like our 4th or 5th or...10th? time. I’ve lost count, quite honestly. But at the same time I know the show and SC are constantly gaining a wider fanbase, just based on the messages I’ve received recently and in the last couple months and I know there’s a big weight placed on some blogs, like Jess’, who come up first in google searches and are considered like the go-to place for OL/SC fans on tumblr. so it must be odd, as an anon, to suddenly have your outlet go away. It’s part of the reason I’m keeping my inbox open and continuing to post messages. I like hearing from all of you but I’ve gotten very picky about which messages I post. I read them all but I came home on Sunday, I think, to 29 messages after like 3? hours away. if that gives you some hint of what the last couple days have been like. and if that’s my inbox, I don’t even wanna think about Jess’. 

THAT BEING SAID. I encourage every single one of you anons to think about opening a blog yourself. It’s easy, free and you can remain pretty anonymous and private if that’s your main issue. That way you have a place to vent and sound off without relying on one of us to post your thoughts! 

I’ve seen some really interesting points brought up in my inbox that maybe I’ll post but I’m struggling with also not wanting to draw attention to the theories that have shown up bc, like I said, it’s exhausting theorizing all the time. And exhausting waiting for these theories to pan out. so that’s where I am. I’m enjoying reading all the different opinions but picking and choosing what I respond to. Clearly stopping cold turkey is not going to happen so I’m trying to have a balance of answering/reblogging opinions and reblogging stuff that has nothing to do with any of it haha. idk if this made any sense but

[violenceeisgolden]

Tmi/tw/an update

Had such strong cravings for alcohol/such strong urges to say "fuck my health, I'm already fucked, lets fucking lose all this weight you gained in recovery, buy some adderall and vodka and allllll the opiates in the world and at least enjoy however many shitty yrs you have left" except like ???? Okay, so my private insta kept !! Getting !! Fucking deleted !! Idk why, like yeahh i bitch about my drug problems and my mental illness but i have never shared a triggering picture? Meanwhile all these accts with people fkn shooting up are still up? Huh what a concept So anyway, i was thinking of making a side blog. Or i could just vent on here i guess but posting on my side blogs sounds safer. Damn. Been out of the Tumblr world for a while now. Anyway, since it's quite clear that I don't care about a fkn thing anymore... lemme give you all a lil update on the joke that is my life. This one's gonna be EPIC. So. Uh. First things first... I made it five days without any form of any opiate in my system. I did not eat anything in those 5 days. (Wanna lose weight?! Just get addicted to painkillers and develop crohns, then quit your painkillers cold turkey!!! You'll drop 10 lbs in a week!) I did not keep many fluids down, aside from the days when i was in the hospital. I was shitting and puking blood by the fourth day, because my body had nothing left in it to get out. I still smell like the stench of withdrawal - aka, overpowering body odor, desperation, sadness, guilt... etc. On the fourth day, my "stool" was nothing but black and blood.. I knew my potassium was low, not including sodium, etc. Was starting to get chest pains. Blah blah blah. IST was acting up. Whatever. I knew I had no choice but to go to my shitty hometown clinic (and... yeah i hate NOTHING more than that fucking place). Luckily, I got this cool 1st shift dr who appreciated my extensive knowledge of my esophageal and colonic conditions. She also gave me morphine. But I mean, 4mg through an IV is like... nothing. But.. that fucking rush. Whenever I get IV narcotics in hospitals, it's a nice reminder for me to forever stay tf away from needles. Anywhoooo Moving along. So i got some fluids/potassium, two of my veins are dead now (not even bc of drug use, as i stated above.. legitimately because I've had one too many IVs placed or wtf ever) so they had to stick me a million and one times and i was like :))))) yeahhhh keep causing more pain guys because ya know. I can just fucking take it obviously!!! And then.. this bitch drops the bomb that i realllyyyyy have been hoping was NOT true for like... ya know... a fucking year... that... okay fuck it, you guys all know i am a shit person anyway, lets add onto it.. anyway yeah. I have herpes. And my HPV is progressing. Still dunno about those cancerous cells bc no one tells ME ANYTHING but she said i have a severe pelvic infection that is travelling towards my liver. So they're like "lets do a REALLY intense course of antibiotics" and im like ??? Fucking a man im getting mad just writing this all out. Anyway i was like uhm. How tf am i supposed to keep down antibiotics when i CAN'T EVEN KEEP DOWN WATER THAT IS WHY I'M FUCKING HERE JFCCCC. And they were like "yeah we're aware but you legit do not have a choice" bc yeah, don't want my liver to go downhill (I've been such a lil fuck to my drs lately.... could not care less tho bc they deserve my bluntness) so i called my new case worker (she is super chill, super gay, lets me swear and call my drs fuckers as much as i want, which is dope) and basically explained, she said she's gonna try and get me back on subs legally so i can at least nourish myself and keep my health up (ill still be in pain but I'm learning that id rather have my body not slowly dying and be in pain... what a cool sacrifice. I also was like... "Hey yeah no hospital is gonna admit me rn... and my health is worse now than it was in '14 when i weighed 60 lbs less so like... I'm going to use street subs. Or opiates in general. For a few days. So i can get my electrolytes back somehow... also did i mention i have herpes? *bawling ensues* anywhooo... Just thought I'd let you know." And she was like "Fair enough. You need to eat." And i was like okay cool tell my dr and his bitchy nurse that usually replies to my messages bc i do not need anymore fucking stigma rn .. okay? Tyvm" so that was.. that i guess. So yeah. I used. On day 5. And... i didn't even truly fucking want to. That's the worst fucking part of this whole fucked up bullshit... I WANT TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG AND SHOW THEM THAT I CAN DO THIS. And i could have. If it wasn't for my poor health... i fucking could have. And I'm gonna tell that to my pdoc when I see him. But you know what? I fucking ate. I kept down a loooottttt of liquids. Opiate wds technically cannot kill you. And the thing is... I've been through the "near fatal" ones (booze and benzos)... but I always caught my alcohol dts super fast, got treated and then away i went. But no. Opiate withdrawals will not be dangerous~~~..... to a person who is in decent health. I say decent bc lbs if you're using them either legally or illegally, something is already prob wrong lol. I remember a story that my ex sponsor who is now a good but distant friend (who relapsed, and when she relapsed, we became close lol shes sober now tho dw) told me once about opiate dts... she said one of her friends was so dehydrated, malnourished, etc... that he almost did die. And it took him almost dying for anyone to take him seriously. And, as I was laying in that miserable hospital bed... I remembered that. Opiate wds cannot kill you, but you're gonna wanna a) kill yourself, because it's honestly fucking easier that way (or so your mind will tell you) and b) if you're in poor health... try and find a detox center/hospital that will take you. ASAP. On tuesday... fuck i lost my train of thought... (in other news, i now have a promethazine script and... boy oh boy lol probably the best non naroticc/not scjeduled drug I've ever gotten my grubby lil hands on)... yeah idk that's all I publicly got rn. If you actually read all this... 👀 @ you, Ashley, bc ik you're the only one who reads my shit on here anymore (love you for that, btw 💜)... but yeah if you read this all, you guys are the real MVPs... I'm gonna start using one of my private blogs on here. Mainly because..welll...its fucking private and also really enjoy the fact that i saved the URL "clonqz3pain" so... yeah that's all I got. Hope you all are doing better than me.