#and also ignore how shit my camera quality is lol

[cowardlylittlebranchman]

Some (mostly) school doodles that i forgot i had

[closecore]

TL;DR I want Chris Farley to stand outside my window with a jukebox :/

Okay… not to fantasize or anything, but I WISH my life were a teen movie shot in the mid90’s, and I was the fashionable, cute main character that everyone who watched my movie thought was a real, charming, heartthrob (guys in the 2010’s would be like, “Yeah, she was, like… my first crush. Lol.” Which would make everyone a little uncomfortable to hear, but they’d agree. Why do guys always say that sort of thing like that? Like you know it’s implicitly sexual in their mind, but why. It wasn’t for me. I don’t want to know about your eleven-year-old lusts. Anyways…) Pretentious, stuffy people would say my character was a “““manic pixie dream girl”””” ignoring the fact that such a term is being grossly misused to describe any woman who doesn’t fit in a box. Besides. I’m the main character. That’s not even possible.

And my love interest is played by Chris Farley (so the movie probably would’ve been shot in, like? ‘93? Or 92?) there’s, like, this scene. The Scene. Where my character is Going Through it. She’s in her Stylishly Cluttered, Scrapbooky Teen 90’s Room (see: Ghost World, etc.) crying misty tears that turn angelic and dayglo in the turquoisey quality of the old cameras (I miss that), and then she hears faint music. It’s most definitely Ana Ng by They Might Be Giants. And she goes to her window. This window is large, too large and too beautiful for the house her and her shitfucked awful family live in, as is her room, but it’s symbolic you see, as she makes her own beauty, her own meaning where she is, but like 30 years later no one will pick up on this the way everyone now-a-days thinks the Simpsons house is worldbreakingly adequate and they’re all snide about it, but they’re Missing the Point, and My Room + large back window will be a *ding* on a Cinema Shits video.

SO she goes to the window, and looks out, and standing under the moonlight is Chris Farley’s character holding up one of those chunky boomboxes (like in Say Anything…) and though at first she just stares at him, she realizes that seeing him there is all she’s ever wanted, and without meaning to, she starts to smile, and then to laugh. Chris’ eyes are bright and holding an empathetic sadness that makes them shine as if he is about to shed tears as well (this is not in the script, Chris is just like that. But it adds something. It makes it all the clearer that he feels for her. That he loves her in the same way she loves him. And that is hard to find.)

He goes on a speech about how he loves her, and how he’ll always be there for her, yelling it up to her window, like Romeo and Juliet, his characteristic stutter and the stumbling way he says the most serious things only making it all so much more earnest. His face gently flushed, speaking directly to her, meaning every word - and she (I) start crying (also not in the script. The director exasperatedly says ‘we’ll need to edit around that.’) I deliver my lines just fine, despite the swell in emotions - both totally jubilant and strikingly relieved - but this makes Chris start to uncontrollably smile as well, knowing the dialogue I speak, written for my character about how she knows, how she’s always known, how she’ll always love him, or whatever; I am saying it just as honestly, just as open-heartedly to him, and he starts crying, too. Crying and smiling and holding the now silent jukebox above his head. The director gets pissed off and later declares we’ll have to do a reshoot, but we never do, because the producers eat it up.

Then in a scene mimicking the romantic poem, The Highway Man, by Alfred Noyes, Chris tries to ascend the space to my window, though his over exaggerated clumsiness is shed out of real need to get closer. He kisses my extended hand, and we look longing at each other.

Anyways the filming thing is kind of a metaphor?? Because I want the actual movie to be my life? But I’d take being an actor with Chris Farley and having a secret fling that gets less and less secret until the whole world knows, and somehow it all works out, and we’re happy, and in love, and history is forever changed in many small and wonderful ways.

[jadekitty777]

Snapshot Aesthetics

OKAY BUT FG WEEKEND? WHO’S CRAZY IDEA WAS THAT.

You better know I want to participate though xD I didn’t plan to have an entry for today but, well, things change lol

Day 1: Outfits

Rating: K

Words: 2.2k

Summary: Clover's job was simple: Get the model to pose properly, smile, and take the shot. But the new hire, Qrow, was about to throw a wrench into that simplicity... in more ways than one. [Fashion Model AU]

Ao3 Link: Snapshot Aesthetics

~

Snap!

The sound of his camera shutter going off was almost inaudible under the early morning hustle that had overtaken the studio. Clover inspected the shot of Elm displaying back on his LCD screen. He shook his head, calling to the stagehand, “Lower the forelights! There’s too much washout!”

“You got it boss.” She saluted, stepping off the scene to go tinker with the fluorescents.

Th telltale sound of stilettos had his head turning, seeing Willow striding over, lips pursed with annoyance. “Are we ready yet?”

“Almost.” He assured, showing her the picture. “Just a bit more tweaking on the lights and we’ll be good to go.”

She placed a hand on her hip, scanning the team critically. “Good.”

“Everything alright? You look…” He mulled over all his safe adjective options, “Unhappy.”

She sighed exasperatedly. “Qrow is causing a bit of a ruckus back in dress. Won’t let Kali even do his makeup.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know what I was thinking, listening to Taiyang.”

“It’s probably because the new guy’s pretty.” And related to Raven, he thought but didn’t dare utter the runway model’s name aloud. If he did, then it would make his manager think of her ex-husband and Raven’s agent, Jacques Schnee. That was a nasty pandora’s box he’d rather keep closed.

Nevertheless, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time she hired someone simply based on an affiliation they had to someone in Jacques’ team, thinking it as some retroactive way of getting back at him. Taiyang himself was one such decision, also ironically due his connection with Raven. Though, he’d heard the two’s relationship had been more… carnal in nature.

The plus was, Taiyang had worked out great. He was handsome and jovial and easy to direct on set. Clover’s only hope when he learned of the new hire was that the same could be said for Qrow; but, it was sounding like he had his twin sister’s notorious diva-like personality, if Willow’s frustration was anything to go by. Which meant he was in for a long day.

“Light check!” Elm called, flexing both arms proudly like a muscle builder.

He snapped the shot, then nodded at the quality. “Perfect!”

Willow swiveled, heading for the door. “Let’s get started then.”

~

Over the course of the seven years Clover had worked for Trendy magazine, he’d discovered that each fashion designer had a specific ‘taste’ they were going for when it came to showing off their line-up and he’d learned to pose the models accordingly to keep their clients happy and coming back for each issue. So, he kept certain things in mind with each designer’s desires, like how Sienna preferred her poses to be as dynamic and wild as possible and Camilla wanted proper posture and a bit of elegance.

Unfortunately, today’s clothing line was from Roman and Neo. Which meant balancing the two designers’ conflicting requirements of flamboyance and subtlety into one picture. It tended to lead to a lot of small changes for limb placement and expression before he ever even rose his camera.

So, it tended to be a relief when the snap sounded off and he said, “Alright, you’re done!”

“Oh, thank god!” Tai slumped over immediately, rolling out his shoulders. “I think my neck has a crick in it.”

Clover snorted. “Alright drama king. Go take a break.” He turned towards the doorway, calling, “Who’s next up?”

He heard Kali’s faint, “Get in there. And stop messing with your hair!”

A gruff voice he didn’t recognize replied, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Before Qrow Branwen walked into the room and stole his breath away.

Though he’d joked before, Clover hadn’t actually known what the man had looked like. He rarely did see new models before their first shoot. But now that he was, it had to be said that maybe Willow had indeed hired Qrow simply for his beauty. In almost every way, he was like a softer version of his sister. Where her skin was striking alabaster white, his had more of a welcoming ivory tone. Where her eyes were bright scarlet, his were a gentle vermillion. And where her hair was an ink black, his held streaks of dusty grey that somehow was just enough to make him appear refined, but not old.

Combine that with Roman and Neo’s classy “modern early-1900’s” style, and he looked absolutely dazzling. It was one of their simpler pieces, but dress had made sure he wore it well, especially with the plain, long-sleeved, white dress shirt that someone had decided to undo the top few buttons off to frame a cross necklace hanging sideways. Pulled over that and adding some muted color was a double-layered vest that buttoned from the bottom of the ribs down. The inner layer was a slate grey while the outer layer was a deep charcoal and had a tasteful embroidery design flowing down the sides. The matching dark grey slacks were fairly standard but nicely fitting to the man’s ridiculously long legs. Completing the picture were some shiny cap-toed black dress shoes.

“So uh, how do you want me?” Qrow asked, fidgeting with the cross-shaped cufflinks of his shirt.

Splayed across my bed. Clover shook himself of any indecent thoughts, nodding towards the set that mimicked an old parlor room. “Center stage, leaning back on the table.”

He nodded, crossing the room.

As they passed each other, Tai offered a thumb’s up and a cheery, “Good luck!”

The little half-grin Qrow offered his friend left Clover floating.

Not that the other man was going to need any well wishes, as he’d decided on something fairly simplistic. As Qrow took position, he directed, “Alright, I want you to rest your hands on the table, in view. Keep your fingers spread out.”

“Like this?” He settled them by his hips.

“Mm no. Spread your arms further apart. Position your hands the other way, pointing opposite directions. Yeah – like that! A little more for the right hand. Relax your shoulders more. No, no not that much.” And on and on it went, as Clover altered each little angle and body part until he had the exact position in mind. Yet, despite the ease of what he was asking for, Qrow’s inexperience meant he had to spend twice as long getting things just right.

It quickly became clear by his 60th order that the older man was growing a bit exasperated.

Clover eyed him up and down. Hummed thoughtfully at the position of where his ankles crossed, the toe of one dress shoe pointed down. “Okay, tilt your left heel just a bit more.”

“Is all this really necessary?” Qrow grumbled, trying not to move anything else but his foot.

“When the client is picky, yeah. And stop clawing your fingers. Keep them flat.”

The other man breathed in and out slowly, carefully resting down his hands.

He gave him another once over. Frowned.

The tension he could easily see doubled as Qrow demanded, “What now?”

“Maybe we should try something different.” He considered.

The words were met with Qrow groaning out, “You got to be kidding me.”

And Willow cutting in, “Go with it. We got to get this shoot done before noon!”

He glanced at his wristwatch. Shit, was it really almost eleven? He still had four other designs to go. “Yeah, alright. Qrow, just try to relax your muscles a bit.” He rose his camera. “Alright, now smile.”

He did, stretching it as big as he could.

Clover looked at him over the lens, raising a brow. “I said smile, not look like you’re trying to imitate clown make-up.” Ignoring the other’s sarcastic laughter, he mulled it over, then snapped his fingers. “Ah, I know! Give me the same one you gave to Tai when you first walked in.”

He could tell it wasn’t quite right when it didn’t have the same cloud nine effect on him as before, but with the clock ticking in his head, he took the shot.

“Alright, that’ll do.” Clover said.

“We’re done?” Qrow asked, not moving an inch, as if worried he’d change his mind.

“Yep. You’re free as a bird.”

That earned him a real laugh. “That was awful!”

For the hell of it, he took another shot.

~

There was always such a sense of relief when Clover submitted the photos to processing. From there the team would do whatever touch ups were necessary before it went in for print. Normally, the rest of his day was done, but he had another engagement at a rally across town that would keep him busy well into the evening. So, he found himself stepping into the break room, intent on grabbing a cup of coffee and heading on his way.

He was surprised to find Qrow there, huddled in one of the corner tables. He was dressed down, back in his casuals, but still managed to make a t-shirt and some slacks look like runway material. They met gazes briefly, before the elder man’s eyes dropped back to his phone, not saying a word.

Already short on time, Clover was content to leave it like that, but as he finished mixing his coffee together, guilt seeped in. If they were going to be working together, then one of them had to take the first step and it was much harder for the new guy to take it.

“You did good today.” He spoke.

Qrow scoffed. “You kidding? I was a disaster.” He groaned, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll be lucky if they ask me to come back.”

Ah. So, he wasn’t a snob - he was insecure. Clover could work with that.

“Ah come on. It wasn’t that bad.” He crossed the room, turning the opposite chair sideways and falling into it. “You’re just a little stiff. A few more of these and you’ll relax.” He paused, then added, “Oh, and take it a little easy on the people in dress.”

“They were trying to poke my eye out! Whoever invented eyeliner is a demon.”

He guffawed heartily. “It’s not that bad.”

Qrow sighed, ruffling a hand through his hair. “Still, I don’t know what I was thinking, letting Tai convince me to take this job.”

Seemed Tai was doing a lot of that lately.

“I’m not a model. That’s my sister’s gig. And…” Qrow gestured to himself. “I mean, look at me.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure it must get tiring getting all those calls from Mr. Universe asking you to come reclaim your crown.” He countered.

“Tch, if anyone’s got a crown to go reclaim, it’s probably you.” A second later, he seemed to realize what he said and hid his face in his hand. “Oh my god, I didn’t just- I’m sorry, that was inappropriate.”

Clover couldn’t stop grinning. “Relax gorgeous. You’re in the right business to be making comments like that.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Don’t feel so bad, either. You’re not the only one self-conscious around here. Winter? Breaks out before every shoot. James? Has a scar right here.” He ran a finger above the line of his right eyebrow. “And by now, we’ve got to be giving Tai a complex with how much gets altered in processing.”

“He certainly had a lot to say about last month’s issue.”

“Well, you know, we gotta follow those trends and freckles are in.” He was sure there was a lot of talk on the questionable ethics of digitally changing people’s appearances to portray an unobtainable beauty, but it was a topic he wasn’t too interested in engaging with. In the end, it all just came down to the paycheck and keeping people’s jobs. Because if a model couldn’t sell the clothes they were wearing, then they weren’t going to get to keep modeling them.

Qrow leant back, crossing his arms. “Wonder how much they’ll change about me.”

“Well, they’ll definitely take out those cute wrinkles you get around your eyes when you laugh.”

“I wasn’t laughing?”

“Not in the first shot. But I may have…” He shrugged sheepishly. “Taken another one, right at the end? You looked more natural.”

Qrow blinked. “Well. Alright then. Guess that’s why you’re the expert.” His gaze drifted past Clover’s shoulder at about the same time he heard the footsteps. “Hey Tai. All done?”

“Yeah.” The blond replied as he stopped at their table, eyeing him suspiciously. “Hopefully the company flirt wasn’t giving you trouble.”

“Oh sunshine,” Clover drawled, playing it up as he bat his eyelashes at the other man. “I hope you know you’re my one and only.”

He snorted, rolling his eyes. “Save it for the guys actually swinging your way.” He nodded to his friend. “Come on, we better get moving if we want to get the girls on time.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Qrow stood. “It was nice meeting you Clover.”

“Same here. Looking forward to working with you.” He replied sincerely. A pleasant little warmth tingled through him when the sentiment earned him an adorable smile.

As he watched him go, Clover cast his earlier worries aside and decided that this truly was the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

[apyrisol]

JJK VOLUME 0

ur gonna have to ignore any weird lighting/blurriness/bad quality in the pics. i originally took these for my friends n didn't put any effort into em lol.

long ass post under the cut

the little character bio things were a big reason i got the set, i fucking love extra information. rika being somewhat devious as a child is rly funny to me considering what she becomes

i wish i'd have gotten a better pic of it now but INUMAKI HAS FANGS AND I THINK THAT'S SO SO FUCKING NEAT CONSIDERING SNAKE EYES AND FANGS ARE THE INUMAKI CLAN SIGIL OR WHATEVER!!!! ily toge he's so cool he's so fun i wish we saw more of him

geto looks like such an off model cunt in his first appearance (first 2) it's so jarring. like later on in the last chapter or 2 of vol 0 gege seems to get the hang of his design but comparing these first appearances of him compared to how he looked once jjk had been going for a bit (img 3) you can tell something's off about him.

gojo i don't know how to tell you this buddy but you've let him walk away before. he knows he can get away with it again because he's him and you're you. he knows you'll see eachother again inevitably so he gets to leave as long as things are as they are. also it kinda looks like he was making a move for his ass here 😭 just thought that was funny

cat interlude, he was chillin w me while i read ♥️ this is Griffin 4 anyone who's never seen my boys before

geto what the fuck did you do to that poor girls leg gah DAMN!!! this part has always been curious to me bc what the hell is he doing here. ik this was before jjk was being serialized so sometimes you gotta take shit w a grain of salt but it's so interesting. is he just able to use rct? would he have been copying ieiri's technique since it's on others? i know he copies inumakis technique here without consuming part of him like is required later on in thee shinjuku fight i think but when would he have met shoko even.. im sure this is just a case of retconning but it's sorta fun to poke at at least.

i will never ever ever be normal about the hasaba twins. geto snapping finally because of the fucking state these poor girls were in drives me nuts, those are his daughters bro... ALSO I WISH WE COULD'VE SEEN MORE OF MIMIKO AND NANAKO'S TECHNIQUES RAHH I THINK THEY WOULD BE INTERESTING!!! im sure from what we've seen that nanas has something to do with photo manipulation but is it limited to pictures taken by her phone? what about photographs from a camera? what about videos? who can she target with it? what's her range? aaaagh so many questions that'll never be answered.. and mimi unfortunately we never see hers used other than the threat of hanging. in my head it's a sort of voodoo doll technique but different from the stuff nobara does. haven't thought too hard about what exactly the parameters and effects of her technique would be but that's my baseline theory for what it is.

small little thing but I NEVER NOTICED CURSED SPIRIT RIKA HAS THE SAME MOLE CHILD RIKA DOES THAT'S SO FUN!!!

and finally, we have gay people. i am never ever ever going to be sane about this fuuuucking ending bro. "it's called trust" "i didn't realize you still felt any connection with me" SHUT UPPP IM SO ILL!!! geto not even realizing how much he probably fucking hurt gojo when he left. the way they're still able to make light banter despite how grim their circumstance is. geto fucking BLUSHING after gojo says his final piece (i know there's that one interview that says he says something embarrassing/smth that'd make you self conscious but we all know what i think he said im sure). MY ONE AND FUCKING ONLY GOJO I KNOW WHAT YOU AREEEEEE IM GOING TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF MY TAIL!!!!! they make me so ill for no good fucking reason lawd.

im already having a lot of fun rereading even though i only read the damn prequel volume so far lol. expect to see these posts as i make my way through the next 21 volumes then probably as i finish my reread digitally for the volumes not out for english print yet 😁

kinda liveblog thread incoming soon. i bought an almost complete set of the jjk manga (it's only missing the 2 most recent english releases, vol 22 and 23) so even though ive already read it all once and watched the anime+movie plenty of times now here are new things im noticing and random stuff i have to say 😁

[amphtaminedreams]

The Eras of Lana Del Rey: Lookbook no.9

Hi to anyone reading,

Hope you’re okay! AND that you didn’t end up here because you searched the Lana Del Rey tag so you could see people ranting about her-you’re about to be very disappointed. Sorry. This is not about to be some Question for the Culture discourse because the world is bleak enough right now and the last thing we all need is to be reminded of that saga. 

Being a Lana Del Rey fan is easy, they said. She’s not a controversial artist, they said. And yet 2020 had to do what it does best and fuck everything up. 

Whether people like her or not, it’s made me so angry reading all the abuse she’s been getting about her appearance for the last couple of weeks, because I really thought that if we could agree on anything it was that attacking individuals for the way they look because you dislike something they’ve done (with the exception of shit like racist tattoos and blackfishing) is, you know, awful and judgemental as fuck? Like you do realise when you treat the word fat as a pejorative that the fat people you don’t have a problem with understood that you meant it as an insult too? I think what all those people tweeting about Lana’s weight, and that includes some of her fans, are forgetting is that she was in her early 20s when she was thrust into the limelight. As much as there’s this conspiracy that her dad bought her a career in the music industry, she’d made the decision to go it alone and had lived in a trailer park as a struggling musician for years. On top of that, we have the unreleased tracks with lyrics seemingly referencing an eating disorder in her younger years. OF COURSE her body is going to look different. Why is it that we treat weight gain as an inherently bad thing without any insight into the other factors that constitute a person’s “health”? It’s fucking insane that so many feel they have the right to comment on other’s bodies in the first place and it breaks my heart that she might be reading these comments. This wasn’t intended to necessarily be a rant about how much I love this woman but all the shit I’ve read about her on the internet these past few months have pushed me to it. You'll respect your queen of alternative music or I shall stan twice as hard on your behalf. You can thank me later when you come to your senses xoxo

I’d love to say it was intentional that I finally finished this post the week Violet Bent Backwards Over the Grass was released but that would imply I have my shit way more together than I actually do. If I’m being completely honest, I’ve only heard L.A Who am I to Love You so far 1). because I want to wait for the hard copy for the rest and that doesn’t turn up til September and 2). because I do not have my shit together, lol. That being said, there is no doubt in my mind that I am going to love it-one thing I have always loved about Lana’s lyrics is how well they paint a picture and this is something that poetry only more freely allows for the exploration of. That ability to create such a strong narrative voice and atmosphere is a talent that extends to her visuals and the production of her records too, and is something I really missed when it comes to the Norman Fucking Rockwell era. I’m just going to say it: a strong aesthetic is to NFR as memorable songs are to Lust for Life. Lacking. Am I allowed to say that as a fan? The collaborations don’t do it for me, okay, and as as NFR is concerned, aside from The Greatest/Fuck It I Love You video which went down the whole neon surfer girl route, it’s hard to identify a cohesive theme. It’s understandable that at this point, she would want to just focus purely on the music, and it goes without saying that NFR will stand the test of time in that regard but I don’t think we can deny that when people think of Lana in the future, it’s not gonna be a green windbreaker that comes into their heads.

^Illustration credit to Filip Kozak (https://filipkozaksart.tumblr.com/?fbclid=IwAR3vwLX2pNxoFNhTPD1ky14LllPqlLtL1GxGlD79xuHxdtzcHLw-6aNBZWo)

And here’s where this Filip Kozak illustration comes into it; after years of it sitting in my camera roll for years, it finally has a use. There’s really nothing better to illustrate how mundane life has become this year than the disproportionate level of excitement my photo-hoarding-self experienced realising it would fit perfectly into this post and is thus eligible for deletion. Up there with being able to fit a whole box of biscuits onto the shelf at work rather than having to individually take out as many as I can and then shove them on top of the existing box of biscuits one by one. Truly riveting content on this Tumblr page. Back to the point-by using this as my stimulus for the post rather than the Lana Del Rey albums as outfits tag that went round on Twitter, I can conveniently exclude NFR as an outfit inspiration category, and that saves me from having to buy a charity shop windbreaker with its price bumped up 150% by some upper middle class Depop e-girl or boy who uses the word peng as a descriptor like it’s a nervous tic. To make up for leaving out NFR, I’ve tried to branch out a bit and do the outfits not just based on the music videos or album covers but also from street style and stage looks and photoshoots from around the same period too. It was hard not to be influenced by the general “vibe” and sound of the albums either when I was planning outfits, whether it’s the grand, orchestral instrumentals of Born to Die or the 70s psychedelic rock inspired riffs of Ultraviolence and hopefully that’ll show as well! Enjoy:D

Born to Die (Release Date: 27th January 2012)

It’s been 8 years, and when you ask most people what they think of when they hear the name Lana Del Rey, they’ll probably dismiss her as the one who sings about being sad and doing coke and sleeping with older men. That’s the Born to Die impact. Say what you want but it’s one of only a handful of albums released by a female artist to have spent more than 300 weeks on the Billboard 200 chart and it really established the mythos of “Lana Del Rey” because before all this, before all the think pieces from other women claiming she’d set feminism back hundreds of years with her music, before she ousted grayscale Effy Stonem as the queen of angsty teen Tumblr (which as you can probably guess was a subsection of the internet I was very much engulfed by, lmao), she was just Lizzie Grant, a relatively normal aspiring singer songwriter in her early twenties. But as Lana Del Rey, she was someone else-some beautiful, mystical being that personified the sentiment of being born in the wrong era. Whilst every other singer’s record labels seemed to be trying desperately to thrust them into the future and keep them on top of all the musical and stylistic trends, it was refreshing to hear someone whose music and visuals captured all the most glamorous elements of the past. Part Priscilla Presley/Jackie O reincarnation (the National Anthem video really illustrated how Lana is just as much a storyteller as she is a musician), part high level mobster’s wayward wife à la Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface, she was the good girl by day and the bad girl by night, and I think that’s a duality we can all relate to or would like to think we’re interesting enough to relate to deep down.

Her style from around this period was EVERYTHING. She had those grungy Tumblr girl elements, the camo jacket and the oversized pieces and the leather jackets, but she also heavily drew on the styles and silhouettes of the 50s and 60s with the beehives and the new look Dior inspired cinched waist dresses. Even now in 2020, I think this period is what most people would think if they were asked to describe Lana’s style. I made sure I got the grungy pieces in there with the chunky boots and the vinyl and the oversized leather but the foundation of her looks back then were usually these daintier throwback pieces like the white silk dress and the corset and the mint fur trimmed coat (House of Sunny’s Penny Pistachio coat).

Favourite lyrics from the album? “Now my life is sweet like cinnamon, like a fucking dream I'm living in” from Radio. Nobody asked but I’m gonna give it to you anyway.

Born to Die: The Paradise Edition (Release Date: 9th November 2012)

Lana’s Paradise EP contains probably my absolute favourite song of her’s, Ride, and with that, the beautiful opening monologue that will stay in my mind forever. This era was of course ushered in by Tropico, the short film that included the premiere of the songs Bel Air, Body Electric and Gods and Monsters, which established the ethereal tone of this period-it’s in the name, after all. Both the album and the videos were other-worldly and leaned heavily on religious symbolism which I’m sure pissed off many a middle-aged bible basher at the time. Most prominent in her lyrics were reflections on the freedom of the open road which corresponded with visuals of biker gangs and desert dwellers and modern interpretations of the Wild West, as was an attempt to capture the nature of the so-called “American spirit” which as Lana portrayed it shared more qualities with a kind of celestial, transient being than any kind of solid concept or identity. She played an emotionally detached stripper and a haunted saloon-style-bar singer (almost looking like a runaway bride) and Eve the “first woman” all in the same album and honestly, if that’s not iconic, I don’t know what is. We saw SO many incredible red carpet looks in this period too which built upon this idea of her as the fallen angel tempted by original sin that Tropico established; I feel like this era was all about laying bare the soul of the character she played, this broken, delicate but ultimately liberated being that was so dangerous to the idea of the strong, stable modern feminist ideal. She went about it in COMPLETELY the wrong way in a post that betrayed the ignorance of the privilege she has as a white female performer, but I think this is what she was getting at in it and Ultraviolence only went on to bolster her critics.

In response to the criticism she still receives about the choice to wear a Native American war bonnet in her Ride music video, I’d like to say that it really seems like she’s learnt from that-actions speak louder than words and so though it’s not my place to say whether this makes up for that error, the work she’s done with Native American reparations-focussed foundations since and the money she’s donated to the cause says a lot about her intentions. Again, I want to stress that it’s not my place to say! But it’s a detail that is often overlooked so I thought I’d mention it here. 

“I was a singer, not a very popular one. I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet. But upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky, that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken. But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.”

Ultraviolence (Release Date: 13th June 2014)

AH, Ultraviolence. My favourite of Lana’s albums and imo, a masterpiece. ONE skip. ONE. Sorry Guns and Roses. I got stoned in my back garden and listened to this (for research purposes ofc, heh) and ended up deciding that this is what I want to listen to when I die (also whilst stoned). It sounds dramatic but listening to this album in that state of mind is such a heavenly experience that I’d be too zen to notice myself slipping away into nothingness on the basis that if I didn’t as long as I could stay in that bubble of awe, nothingness forever wouldn’t be so scary after all. I know, I know, that sentence has big Jaden Smith’s old tweets energy. But if an album is what helps me get over an existential crisis, I beg you allow me the nonsensical ramblings about how I felt like I was ascending into the stars.

Though in terms of the lyrical content the public perception is probably correct, I think the reputation Ultraviolence has as Lana’s darkest, most gothic album (which is something I’ve in incorporated into the outfits I put together) is mistaken; instrumentally and visually it drew more on 70s psychedelic rock and the bohemian counter culture of the period than anything, and her stage looks are a clear reflection of that, and also the outfits I was most excited to channel. It seems counter-intuitive to the moody atmosphere I associate the tracklist with but it’s my go-to summer album; it’s raw (probably her most stripped back work along with NFR, lots of the songs are barely edited) and it’s gloomy but let’s be real, hot as fuck-don’t bother making a sex playlist, just put Ultraviolence on shuffle, and you’re good to go. This was the album where Lana debuted some of her most criticised lyrics and where the notion that she glamourises abuse comes from, one of the points she also seemed to be getting at in the Instagram post, but imo it’s fair to say that she sang truthfully about the initial allure of a dangerous relationship and the nature of the mindset that facilitates staying with somebody poisonous where you do feel like you’re nothing without them. Turning horrific experiences into romantic tragedies is how Lana has always made her music and yeah, out of context there are some fucked up lyrics on the album, but policing how a woman expresses her trauma and complaining that she glorifies weakness because she wrote honestly about the reality of a complicated partnership is hardly any more “feminist” than the lyrics themselves. I can only guess that the reason Lana felt the need to bring up this criticism in 2020 is because these darker themes are going to be revisited in her upcoming album and that in spite of the issues with the way she expressed herself, this time critics will be more accepting of how she chooses to address these themes. 

On a lighter note “yeah my boyfriend's pretty cool, but he's not as cool as me” will always be a great line. Simple but effective. If my boyfriend ever is cooler than me it’ll be doing Lana a disservice.

Honeymoon (Release Date: 18th September 2015)

Considering that a lot of other Lana fans are of the opinion that this is her best album, I find it weird that I really don’t remember all that much about this period, other than High by the Beach being released and then hearing Salvatore and Freak for the first time. I guess because she didn’t do a Honeymoon specific tour and didn’t make that many public appearances in this period? It was definitely harder for me to find visual reference points beyond the HbtB music video and the cover art, so I mostly drew on the general vibe of the album, a cinematic accompaniment to a summer in Italy or the South of France, filled with exotic instrumentals and the sense of impending romantic doom that Lana does so well. I suppose if I associate the visuals of this era with anything it’s idyllic florals and warm tones, bygone country club pool days, a rich American’s vacation in Southern Europe, long walks on the beach (and as our Lord and Saviour Jujubee once said, big dicks and fried chicken). Apparently inspired by Lana’s relationship with Francesco Carrozini, it’s a hazy story of some ultra-feminine, submissive archetype becoming unhealthily enchanted by a mysterious “foreign man” who’s ultimately not all that good for her, which as the story goes turned out to be quite prophetic. Going against the grain, it’s my least favourite of her albums after Lust for Life, but in spite of that, I will always remember how obsessed I was with the sax riffs (I think? I don’t know my instruments all that well so forgive me, lol) on Freak and I definitely understand why it’s a firm favourite for so many.

“You could be a bad motherfucker, but that don’t make you a man.” was truly a cultural reset of a line.

-on an unrelated note, OMG, I never realised how I have my mouth open in literally every fucking photo I take, somebody tell me how to pose, please and thank you-

Lust for Life (Release Date: 21 July 2017)

Lust for Life is a controversial one. On the one hand, I appreciate that this album was the victory cry of a happier, more independent, politically-aware Lana in spite of it apparently being a far more optimistic sounding album than the one she wanted to release, but on the other there were way too many collaborations for me and this meant that the album lacked a sense of cohesion and the characteristic narrative thread that usually runs throughout her tracklist. Aside from Love, Cherry, Get Free and Tomorrow Never Came, most of the songs on the album aren’t hugely memorable and it’s a crying shame that a collaboration with STEVIE FUCKING NICKS of all people left so much to be desired. Coming from two witchy icons, I expected something absolutely magical so maybe I was setting myself up for failure, but come on. We could’ve had a real anthem there.

Aesthetically speaking however, this is one of my favourite eras for Lana, which is unsurprising when you consider the tracklist contains references to both Woodstock and Coachella. I’m not gonna lie, I think seeing Coachella fashion in my early teens was my style awakening-I remember seeing Vanessa Hudgens’ outfits and being like, wow, I want to be her (oh, what a fall from grace)-so the late 60s/early 70s flower power groupie style Lana adopted in this period really spoke to me. It was all long hair and dreamy pastels, and this era included some of the most head-to-toe coordinated looks we’ve ever seen from her. Of course I couldn’t completely abandon the grungy touches that I love, that I tend to associate with the early Lana street style days and the Paradise and Ultraviolence music videos rather than with this album, but I’m never gonna pass up an opportunity to whack out a good floral two piece and putting together Lust for Life inspired looks is the perfect excuse to do that.

So, that marks the end of this post! If you made it to the end, thank you so much for reading! I have a Yesstyle lookbook and review to edit but now that I’ve finished that, I’m trying to go down more of a style inspiration focussed  route with my lookbooks rather than just putting together outfits from clothes I’ve just bought (though I might still do one every so often to bring in a new season-let’s just ignore the fact that they’re all blending into one bc climate change for now, one catastrophe at a time please universe). I find that if you have a specific idea in mind of what you want, it’s super easy to find something similar on Depop and Ebay and that way you avoid buying new things and also take old things off a person’s hands that might otherwise end up being thrown out by a charity shop and then dumped into a landfill from there. Something I’d LOVE to do before this year is out is put together a lookbook based on the most stylish TV shows of the last decade, but that probably won’t be for a while-even so, if you have any recommendations of series to watch which could fit into this category, let me know! 

To finish, I need to go a little bit off-topic so forgive me, but I truly don’t know why this even needs to be said: WEAR A FUCKING MASK. IT IS NOT A POLITICAL ISSUE. IT IS A BASIC HYGIENIC PRACTICE THAT HELPS SPREAD THE STOP OF A HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS DISEASE! RUDIMENTAL SCIENCE! NOT A CHANCE TO PROVE HOW “EDGY” YOU ARE! SERIOUSLY, STOP MAKING A FUCKING PANDEMIC ABOUT YOURSELF! NOBODY ENJOYS WEARING THEM BUT THEY HELP PROTECT OTHERS! SO UNLESS YOU HAVE A VALID MEDICAL REASON NOT TO BE WEARING ONE, DON’T BE A SELFISH PRICK! 

Sorry to sign off on a rant-y note with something that has nothing to do with Lana, lol, but all the stupidity has been grinding me gears lately and I had to let it out on behalf of all retail workers: if we can wear a mask for 9 hours at a time, YOU can tolerate the mild discomfort of wearing one for 10 minutes. I know this doesn’t apply to the majority of people but there’s always a couple of arseholes, isn’t there!?

Stay safe,

Lauren x

[chopstickchild]

ok i need to rant for a bit (read at your own risk)

also tw for body image issues

for a bit of background, i do ballet, and im pretty damn serious about it. as in its the centre of my life and i plan to make a career of it.

well my mom is rly supportive about this, but sometimes she gets to be a bit too much. as in extremely insensitive about how her « helping me » makes me feel. the subject of obsession tends to be something important, or some milestone, such as a performance, competition, or audition. in this case it’s two audition videos: one for a prestigious international competition (which could change my life if i got in), and the other video is an audition video for my dream school (and again, life changing if i get in).

These two videos are EXTREMELY important, and we wanted everything to be as perfect as possible, but the focus on perfectionism is where the problem lies. i’ve gotten better about not dragging myself down over every single detail, but my mom on the hand has not. she doesn’t obsess over my dancing (i do that enough already) but over details like lighting, camera angle, the line my leotard makes, my shoe color, my bun angle, the amount of makeup, the video quality, etc. she has a really good eye for those sort of things since she used to be an artist (and majored in fine art), and if she was the one filming my videos there would be no problem there.

But evidently there is a problem (which is why i’m writing this all out cause istg if i don’t i WILL lose it). Actually there’s two, one per video, though the second problem has nothing much to do with everything mentioned before.

The first issue is something that’s been haunting me for two weeks, and not in the good halloween haunting way. The video for the competition was filmed over the course of a few weeks by one of my teachers, and she and my mom have an *interesting* relationship. as in ive learned to brush off my mom cussing her out in car rides or at home (which happened today twice lol). My teacher wouldn’t allow my mom to be in the studio to help with lighting, camera angle, etc., saying that the studio wouldn’t allow more than two people in at a time (a lie, cause when we went with my contemporary teacher for one section of the video my mom was able to go in and film that portion). My teacher is a really well intention person by the way, but since my mom is so similar to how her mom was, being in her prescence triggers her which i think may be why she tried to make it so she wouldn’t have to interact with her as much.

So anyways my teacher and i worked on the audition video and we finally completed it, but the way she filmed it was not up to my moms standards. so we filmed it again. and right now it’s STILL not up to my mom’s standards, but at this point there’s literally nothing we can do. the deadline is in a few days and there’s no way we can refilm it then. in terms of my dancing, i feel pretty satisfied, though it’s not perfect, but i feel ok sending it in. but for thé past few weeks i’ve been constantly hearing how the video isn’t good enough, and how it doesn’t present me well enough, and if my mom could just have filmed the barre and centre i would look so much better. and that if i really want to catch the judges eyes then the video quality would need to be better. and i argue back at that point, saying my dancing should be enough to do that, and that i’m not auditoning for a film school but for a DANCE competition. and i know my mom has a point. we are drawn to things well presented, even if the content may not be the best. but after hearing that my video is not up to par for WEEKS it hurts a lot. and if i ask her to stop focusing so much on that because at this point all that is doing is making us feel unsatisfied with something unchangable, i’m ignored and she goes on saying i don’t understand her point. I’m also told that she’s saying all this because she cares so much and wants me to succeed. and that is all true, but i don’t CARE that she’s saying all this because she wants to help me with my goal. there are so many more productive things to do than fixating on unchangable shit, and there’s a voice inside telling me that if she really cared about me, the real actual me and not the dancer side of me, she would take a moment to understand how much certain things she says hurts. no matter the intentions behind, no matter that she always adds that my dancing wasn’t the problem and that it was all my teachers fault (which also pokes me in a different way), i ALWAYS leave that conversation with an extremely tight knot in my chest and a bunch of self doubt. sometimes when the convo evolves into an argument, my mom tells me that it’s cause she’s stressed about this and the video and because she cares so much, but i’ve reached the point where i don’t give a fuck. i’m stressed too, and i care a TON. i sacrificed so fucking much for this (not to say she hasn’t like good lord i worry so much about her sometimes) but being stressed and caring about something does not excuse harping on about something someone has EXPLICITLY told you to please stop going on a bout and try to let go of. multiple times. which is why i really want to scream sometimes, and why i decided to just let it out here. (it’s worked by the way. as of right now the knot inside has loosened and the negative energy about this problem has almost dissolved, which why i’m now moving on to the second issue)

ISSUE NO. 2- thé audition video for my dream school. now this is a different direction than the other video problem because this video hasn’t been filmed yet. so i should start out with saying that as a by product of doing ballet, i have body image issues. it got worse over the course of the past year because i put on a few pounds. and i know that honestly, i shouldn’t worry too much, but doing an art form where your body is constantly critiques in so many ways kinda has a way of making you always wish it was better. now my mom knows about how i feel about my body, and in the past she has completely invalidated my feelings if i try to talk about it (because in her eyes i’m perfect yaddayaddayadda and i’m just manifesting these insecurities out of nowhere cause i have nothing to be worried about). the thing is tho (and i’m pretty thankful for this) is that she will tell me if i’ve gained weight, and she will help me if i want to lose some and stuff. so it’s like she has this weird mix of telling me to not worry about my weight cause i’m perfectly fine, but also telling me that i need to watch what i eat more and that i need to lose a little weight. and i hate it so much. recently i just stopped weighing myself every morning cause i realized i was literally basing how i felt the whole day off the number on the scale. and honestly i’m so much happier now cause i stopped. everything is the same except that one thing, and i have no intention to start obsessively weighing myself again.

And that brings me to issue two. because we were talking about the video for the school, and my mom said “you need to start weighing yourself every morning again”. well i saw every single color of the rainbow when she said that, and i was enraged. because my instinct was to be angry in order to protect one of my biggest insecurities, my body. the implications that came from telling me i needed to start weighing myself more HURT, and thinking about it right now is making me almost cry. and her saying that also pissed me off SO MUCH. because my mom KNOWS how i feel about my body, about my weight, and my eating habits. i have explicitly stated MANY time that i would prefer if she would not make those little comments about those subjects, and i have let her know how much it hurts me. i don’t think she understood that though, despite the amount of times i’ve completely shut down or started crying. but that one comment is hanging over my head right now, acting as a smoke cloud twisting around my heart and making me have some rlly self deprecating thoughts. and so tomorrow morning if she asks me what my weight is i don’t know what i’ll do. i’m considering just saying something above what ik she wants it to be, no matter what i may actually be, but i’ve also considered just tossing the scale in the rubbish bin. actually won’t do that though cause i would get in a ton of trouble lol. but a problem is that as a result of her comment, i’ve also begun considering starving myself, of making myself throw up, and other unhealthy ways to lose weight because right now, i feel like my body is too fat filled, too squishy for ballet. which is bullshit but the negative voice is drowning the positive one out now.

ok i have gotten all the rant energy out now, and no longer feel like punching a wall, cry screaming, cussing out the next person i see, or any assortment of high negative energy release techniques that would hurt others or myself. if you read this far, props to you cause i sure as hell would not have been able to make it thru that 😂.

also i should add that my mom and i are SUPER close and she honestly a great person in every aspect except certain dance related stuff. i really really appreciate everything she has done for me, all her sacrifices and all the effort she has put in to make sure i am where i am now. it’s just sometimes i feel like she forgets that i’m a person with feelings about topics, not just a dancer. thank you for coming to my tedtalk 😌

[purplesurveys]

962

Do you have a pair of Beat headphones? I used to have a pair. I mean it’s still around in my closet, but it’s completely broken now with the cable all given out and the cushion for the left ear has been missing for a while. I just don’t have the heart to throw it out because it was my absolute favorite pair of headphones that gave me good memories during a particularly shitty time in high school.

How was your week? A little better. I’ve gotten into the groove at work so I’m no longer shy when it comes to asking questions and giving inputs, and I’ve gained a better grasp of the workplace’s dynamic so it’s also been easier to communicate with people. Heavy life stuff is still around and it won’t be leaving for a while, but they were easier to ignore this week.

Are any of your electronics not working properly at the moment? Not really, but my phone’s charger cable recently stopped working. I have a backup that I’m using at the moment and while it’s able to charge my phone, it’s starting to fray and I’m not feeling too good about the wires that I’m starting to see hahaha. I just don’t know how to take care of my cables, guys. Anyway, this question made me paranoid so I took a few minutes to wrap a shit ton of electrical tape on the frayed area so I think it’s all good for now.

Are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day? I like thinking about my wedding but I truthfully dread the wedding gown part. I’ve never been able to decide what look and style suits me best and I’ve just never been good at determining things like that. I like to imagine that I’d leave that bit to whoever my maid of honor will be, because I’d definitely prize a second opinion more than my own.

When was the last time you felt relieved? Yesterday, 6 PM when I exited the last Google Meet for the day. It was a Friday night and it meant my work week was over :)) I mean I love what I do, but Friday nights will always hit differently.

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? I wouldn’t say it bothers me but covers are definitely a hit or miss for me, with way more misses than hits. Nothing wrong with acts putting their own spin on an already existing song, but I’m personally the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” type when it comes to music.

What brand of chapstick do you use? I don’t use any mainly because I’m bound to lose them within a week. Same goes for other care products.

Do you really think someone could be perfect? No. Everyone has their flaws and that should be okay to acknowledge.

When was the last time you cried? Wednesday, I think. It’s been three days! I’d count that as an achievement. But idk, my sadness comes in waves so I shouldn’t be celebrating too early. I’m sure I’ll feel a pang soon and be crying again over the weekend.

What’s a food that you like every once in awhile but not often? Cake. Too sweet and rich; I wouldn’t enjoy eating it every day. What letter is the song you’re listening to under? Not listening to music, but I have a YouTube video on.

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s would be the lesser evil, I guess. I would NOT want to live through Martial Law in the 70s...I originally wasn’t even going to go with 60s because I think the world was a bit chaotic at the time, but I think my country was mostly unaffected by the political/cultural things happening then so it’s whatever.

Are you the type of person that enjoys getting hugs? I don’t actively seek them out but it feels nice when someone likes me enough to extend their arms out to me for a hug. I haven’t been hugged for a while and I feel kinda empty.

Do your socks say anything on them? I think some of my socks have the brand name on them but that’s it.

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. AMC.

Have you found out who your true friends are? For now, yes.

Gray or Grey? I use both spellings for no particular context. I simply like changing it up lol.

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? LOL of course not. And I’m very picky when it comes to concerts that I choose to attend anyway, so I doubt I would’ve bought any tickets in the last six months even without Covid unless it was for Paramore or Beyonc��.

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? Nope, but everyone was hyping that movie up when it came out. It never really looked like my thing < Yeah pretty much. I feel like it’s such a teenage-y movie so I was never drawn to it. I also think it would be too triggering for my depression, so I’ve felt wary about checking both book and movie out.

Is there something you’d fall apart if you didn’t have? One of my biggest fears is to end up alone, so I always have to have some form of a support system to fall back into. I would be very lost if I didn’t have at least one person to rely on.

How many weddings have you been to? I can think of four off the top of my head. I was either a flower girl or a junior bridesmaid for all of those.

When you smile, are you confident? Most times I am; I like to smile. But sometimes I smile just to fake it and avoid any questions.

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? Yesss, all the time. I’ve always been all about following the rules and I’ve never seen the appeal in breaking them. That makes me sound boring but at least I’ve never gotten in serious trouble lol.

Was the weather beautiful today? For me it is, but only because I like the rain and cloudy weather. Others might find it bleak and sad, but I feel right at home.

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? Yeah, all year long.

Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? If I had my dream modern/brutalist home, grey would be soooo fucking perfect for the bedroom. 

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? I’m open to it, but I don’t think it’ll be a good match for my black hair as both are darker shades as it is. If I could dye my hair I’d pick lighter colors like green or even go all the way to blonde.

Have you ever gone to a private school? Yeah, from kindergarten all the way to high school. Private schools here typically give a better quality of education and they don’t give off the for-lazy-spoiled-kids vibe that I always hear from private schools in other countries, which makes them the norm for middle and upper-middle class families.

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I have other favorite animated movies, but that doesn’t stop me from loving Finding Nemo. :) I would always tune in for the whole thing if it were on.

Does/Did your school have a uniform? I had to wear one in my first school, but I didn’t need one for college.

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? No TV where I am. I think my parents are watching a movie on their TV, but it’s on Netflix rather than a channel.

Does your house have security cameras? It does not.

Does a popsicle sound good right now? Eh, I guess it sounds fine but I’d rather have a pint of ice cream. I think that fits better with the weather and the mood that I’m in today.

What’s your favorite exercise workout? My weight training class last year was a lot of fun. I always felt dead after every session haha but I definitely felt healthier. I wish the semester had gone on longer just for that one class.

What’s your favorite thing to do? Lol I love doing many different things < Same lmao this question is so vague??? My favorite thing to do these days is binge-watch Rhett and Link content, but I like doing so many other things too.

What did you do for your 17th birthday? I was with Gabie that day and we went to a local art museum, as well as to a restaurant that she had wanted to take me to.

Does your local Walmart have benches in them to rest? We don’t have Walmarts.

Was your favorite stuffed animal really a teddy bear growing up? I never had stuffed animals. Well I was given a few of them as gifts, but I was never into them and they always ended up being owned by my sister.

If your house was haunted, what would you do? Not even think about it. Just show them that I couldn’t care less, lol.

Are you good at swimming? I can do a few strokes and am pretty good at treading, but I'm prone to panic-kicking when I can tell that the water is too deep.

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? Slow internet is such a pain in the ass. Shouldn’t even have to be an issue in 2020 anymore.

What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? Cat-called, whistled at, winked at, lunged at. One good thing about this lockdown is that I haven’t had to deal with men as much as I used to. Do you sleep with the sheets tucked in or out? Well I only have one layer of bedsheet and it’s the one that covers up the mattress, so it’s tucked in by default. I have a blanket to cover me up when I’m cold.

What do you do to fall asleep faster? I find a few videos to watch as that tends to make me feel sleepy the quickest.

Do you carry a bottle of water wherever you go? I used to have a tumbler/water bottle in college but I forgot it at the gym one day and when I came back for it, somebody already stole it :( It was such a handy water bottle because it kept my water cold all day, so it sucks that I lost it. I’m planning to buy the same model again soon.

Are you afraid that one day you might get cancer? It doesn’t really run in my family save for one grand-aunt who had cancer, so I’m not too worried. But I’ve accepted the fact that it is at least a possibility.

Are you a fast or slow walker? I like being in the middle. Slow walkers are annoying so I try not to be one, and walking fast just reminds me of my mom and how quickly she walks at malls when she’s supposed to be spending time with her family lol.

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? No. They all fit me just fine.

Does it bother you when people’s underwear hangs out? Eghhh, it really does. I know it shouldn’t but it really does. I just feel like it’s so invasive and it gives me a lot of secondhand embarassment.

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? Not really. I like staying safe with my hair. The most daring thing I’ve done with it is get bangs tbh, and I don’t plan on going any further than that.

When’s your birthday? April 21st.

What age do you look forward to reaching? I don’t feel that way about any age. Whenever I reach ultimate satisfaction and security will be a good enough age for me.

Name a state that begins with the letter M. Minnesota.

What’s the first thing you do after a car accident? Think about how to tell my parents. D:

What do you use to get rid of bad breath? Brush my teeth, drink water.

What exercise do you hate the most? Pull-ups.

What do you do at a party? Drink, socialize, tell stories, eat allllllll the food ha.

[dafukdidiwatch]

Cool Cat Saves The Kids

I watched this movie and I still can’t believe this is the actual cover art for it.

God I wrote so many notes about this that even my flipping Bullet Points were basically an essay. I don’t even know how to begin just thinking about it hurts my head.

Overview: Cool Cat is Cool. Things happen to him, and he has to deal with bullying.

That’s it. That’s the thing I watched. Because there is no Real Flipping Plot to this movie.

This is a kid’s show. Or at the very minimum, a movie that is intended for children. It was based on a kid’s book series I’ve never heard of whose author Derek Savage decided to turn it into a movie. Though movie isn’t exactly what I would call it. When you watch it, it honestly feels like there are six 15 minute shorts that they just mashed together to a feature film, but even then that is a Generous Description.

Basically, the film tries to be a children’s program (and I guess has beef with Barney?). And you can see intent behind it being informative child-friendly psa. But the execution was so bad.

First, there is no plot. Sure the cover says that this is “an anti-bullying kid gun safety movie,” but it really give you nothing. What would happen is that Cool Cat has a problem, like someone bullying him or his friends. It would either A) be addressed immediately and solved so that’s great, or B) it is dropped immediately and never really addressed throughout the rest of the film.

And example of A is that the bully kid Butch just starts stealing candy just to be “evil,” Cool Cat sees that and chases him, and the kid gets arrested twenty seconds later. The End.

For B, Cool Cat gets a mean email. And...that’s about it. He responds to the email, but doesn’t actually address the issue and the subplot drops entirely until that VERY Last wrap up scene.

I think the reason for this lack of plot is that there was just WAY too many messages in here. Like, take a shot every time you see a psa announcement. It ranges from don’t bully, how to deal with bullies, being creative, crossing the street safely, to fricking GUN?! Like, the gun thing that I Guess was promoted in the movie tagline, only shows up the last 10 minutes. It caught me so off guard. You cannot call this a Gun Safety movie when guns aren’t even prevalent!!

And the lack of plot is counterproductive when you want to make a Kid’s Movie like this. If you want to tackle each issue as a show or a short, the messages would come across better. There would be more time to develop each message for kids to really understand. But because there is So Much to cover, a lot of the things are gonna fall to the wayside. There is no way a kid would pay attention to this, and if they do I doubt they are gonna learn everything that Derek Savage is trying to teach. There just isn’t any real focus.

The acting, god like they Tried to go with the kid friendly vibe, but was not working. At All. It was like they thought that to add emotion is to just enunciate your words as loudly as you can. Cool Cat was way too yelly. Every line he was just screaming, has no change whatsoever. Even Elmo can sound sad when need be (fucking love Elmo, but he does has a similar voice vibe to Cool Cat, just better).

Then the kids....I don’t want to be mean but I’ll be blunt. They are just reading lines, this is a middle school stage play basically. I’m not blaming the kids, Butch look like he had a hell of a time doing his villain laugh. It’s just that some of the scenes felt like it was taken in one shot and they didn’t bother to retry. Example: One kid got too excited and jumped his line, but they couldn’t just retake that??

And the lines, man. OOF. Some of it was bad. Like, really really bad placement.They should have had someone proof-read this.

Cool Cat: “Why Are You Painting That Wall?”

Random Kid: “Because Nobody Loves Us”

lol what?

Maria: “I bet those kids have never been shown love before.”

Cool Cat: “Thanks, and it’s all true”

LOL What??

There are just a LOT of lines like that that should have been rephrased.

THEN there are the freaking technical issues.

The audio kept fluctuating in sound quality, which honestly started to hurt with Cool Cat’s constant yelling. Some scenes it sounds like they recorded in a studio, sometimes it sounded like the actors had to yell in order for the camera to capture it. There were echos, there were layers, you can’t hear the lines over the song, you can’t hear the song over the cheers. There was one point whispers overlaid on top of the lines where I thought that Cool Cat just got haunted now. And the fun side of having headphones on means I heard the phone button noises in only One Ear. LOUDLY.

Blocking could have been better. There were a lot of backs to the camera, shots of characters walking away from camera not just off screen. This didn’t bother me as much, because I know this isn’t professionally made. But it didn’t feel like they really tried as much as just half-assed it. Example:

Cool Cat was drawing a picture with different colors, but the actor only used one marker and just said different colors. Or Cool Cat is working on a poster but really just rubs the already completed poster  on a clean table as him “working.” Like, how hard is it to just film on a table with a bunch of craft supplies around you?

Then there are the questionable camera shots. LOTS of lingering shots to I assume fill up run time. These are shots of just showing Cool Cat walking round without having any real purpose. It shows Cool Catwalk all the way Up Stairs. Walked all the way Down Stairs. Walking into the House, walking into the Car. Even just shots of the parents doing things with no real motivation or impact to whatever Cool Cat is doing. It’s just there. If you want to say stuff like "oh well its to show the parents relationship" no it doesn’t. You can’t really add nuance to characters when the rest of the film is just one chaotic shot after the other. It just gets lost in translation.

The music number is probably what hurts me the most. You see Cool Cat WRITE the song. Then he SINGS the song. Then he DANCES to a DIFFERENT song. And that was it. He just needed the song for the parade, but there wasn’t any explanation or anything. I don’t even know WHY he needs the song for the parade! There was no explanation. It was just an excuse to have two back-to-back bad music video of poor choreography that again, NO POINT to whatever plot/message/psa thing he is trying to do.

I get that there should be some leeway since it looked like this was shot at Derek Savage’s house/neighborhood, so there really isn’t much they could do with their setting. But they could at least tried more with what they had. Cool Cat’s room doesn’t look exactly child friendly. There are only blank drab walls with two, maybe three posters of just Cool Cat himself. There is a reason the settings in other children shows have vibrant colors to engage them. Along with that, another half-assing moment was Butch graffiting Cool Cat’s poster, but it was one of those political posters you stuck on the lawn so it was like a foot tall outside. 1) You can’t really see that shit that small. 2) You couldn’t put the poster on a wall to film that scene at, to give a better view to the audience? It’s just a bunch of little things like that all over this film that really adds up.

Also, what’s with the posters only being about Cool Cat in his own room? A bit narcissistic if you ask me.

I'm also like 70%,sure they made this movie around the footage of them being in the Hollywood parade twice. They were at the parade, got the film, and wanted to use it so they made a movie for it. And I know it was twice because the announcers that were there to announce the arrival of Cool Cat had a costume change after switching scenes.

And after ALL of this, there is just so many random shit that really don’t do anything. Elements are randomly introduced and just as randomly dropped. We get a “next day” transition in the middle of the movie when days have already passed before them. Cool Cat breaks the 4th wall a couple of times with no real reason why. There is this joke where the camera was following Cool Cat into the bathroom for Cool Cat to ask for privacy, only to just ignore that bit every time he goes to the bathroom afterwards. Cool Cat just makes random ass noises when doing things, not important stuff. Just Doing Things. And he does this weird thing where I think he is trying to do Air Guitar, but it just looks like he is just shaking his leg a lot. I don’t really get it.

(Oh Shit, it is only after like the 3rd proof-read of this review I notice that in the gif you can clearly see the dude’s actual leg. I don’t know how mascot suits actually work, but I’m pretty sure that you’re not supposed to let kids actually see that there’s a person underneath in a kid’s show.)

There is also this....lowkey humblebrag going on? Which does not do the movie favors. After the first dumb song number, Derek shows off that he has a signed guitar by Van Halen. Like not just him playing it (which after the 15th zoom in on the guitar how could you NOT notice it thank you Derek), but pointing out to the audience that, Yes it was Indeed signed by Van Halen. Then there is the footage from the Hollywood Parade about the cars there. Sure, I get showing off like the Ghostbusters car, or Jurassic Park car, or the Batmobile. But Hurby the Love Bug? Night Rider?? Starsky and Hutch??? Magnum P.I.?????? The target audience is elementary kids, they aren’t going to know these old shows. So who is this for exactly?

Kudos to the cop for actually doing this, seriously. That cop probably had a hell of a lot of better things to do than arrest children for a bad after-school special.

And this is just SOME of the main problems of this film. There’s so much going on it would be impossible for me to go over everything without

The thing is, there is good material here. Maybe not great results, but there are a lot of ideas here that you can work with to make a decent kid’s movie. I actually loved the part where Cool Cat is dreaming and trying to figure out how he should handle bullies. I thought that was a good scene and a good way to show kids how to think through different options. There are good ideas here, but it was just way to much going on at once the movie basically shoots itself in the foot.

So here is My Version of what Cool Cat should have done. 

Cool Cat is running for School President. That’s the main story line. Early in the movie he learns of a writing contest where the winner gets their own float at the hollywood parade (stretch but roll with it). But Cool Cat has no idea what to write, and talks to it with his friends who offers ideas. So he is juggling that along with running for Student President.

However, the Butch the Bully doesn’t like that. He doesn’t want Cool Cat to win. So he vandalizes his posters. Cool cat still runs and makes better posters. Butch tries to frame Cool Cat for vandalizing the playground, but instead his cronies get caught and convinced that it was a bad idea. So Butch decides to cyberbully Cool Cat and his friends to scare them off. He works with the other kid running for President to make a hate ad against Cool Cat, telling everyone how terrible and bad Cool Cat is. Cool Cat tries to go against this my making his music video song over how cool he is to swing the votes, making Butch more angry and vindictive to his bullying scheme.

Cool Cat doesn’t know how to get Butch to stop, but after getting advice from his friends, parents, teachers, and some hard thinking, he decides to confront Butch about his bullying issue, tell someone, and thus solves the problem. Later on after talking to Butch, maybe manages to convince him to start being friends. 

Finally, Cool Cat uses this scenario to write his story about how to deal with bullying and make new friends. Which wins and we end with the Hollywood Parade.

Is this perfect? No. But it focuses the idea to one main plot (running for president) with the other issues naturally coming off of it, instead of making each issue it’s own separate thing. There is no random shifts in narrative, no GUN moments (or GUN in general we kick that shit out) and just focus on the main bullying theme.

Overall: This was a weird and bad children’s show. You have to put in a lot of effort into making a movie, but there was just too much going on for this to be a Good Children’s Movie, least of all a Good Movie in general. But it isn’t to say that it wasn’t morbidly enjoyable. It’s was like playing Spot The Difference to find all the Wrong Things in here. It was fun in a bad way.

So will I show this to children? No. But will I play a drinking game with my friends where we take a shot every time someone says the phrase “Cool Cat”? Yeah that sounds enjoyable. 

Take a shot for every time you read “Cool Cat” in my review.

Side Note:

You had this as a GUN PSA, wtf are you doing holding a gun!? Given how the only 3 videos this channel has is only Cool Cat Trailers, I’m assuming this is official Cool Cat. Soooo.....what the hell?

[cami-chats]

In Your Camera Roll

Title: In Your Camera Roll

Link: AO3

Square Filled: Sending A Dick Pic

Ship: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes

Rating: Explicit

Major Tags: None

Summary: “Bucky was innocently working at home when a wrong text makes his night much more enjoyable.”

Word Count: 1841

Created for @mcukinkbingo

Full text also below 

Bucky was editing his ass off when he got a text. He didn't recognize the number, but Steve had just gotten a new phone. Last Bucky had heard, he was setting it up while also trying to move Sam's things in.

Unknown Number: :photo:

Bucky rolled his eyes. It was probably a picture of Steve drinking from Sam's favorite mug or something equally stupid and sappy, so he swiped to open it without much thought.

And a dick showed up.

Bucky blinked.

Another text came in before he had a chance to even attempt to think of a response, mostly because his mind had stalled at the picture. He was horny more often than not, mostly because he hadn't had a boyfriend in years, and he'd stopped doing hookups when he got the prosthetic because people either said that he should warn people he had a piece of technology attached to him, or they had a fetish. Either way it wasn't fun, which meant that it had been a while since someone showed him their dick with intention. He didn't appreciate the fact that this was the first text this number had ever sent him, but even jerks had nice cocks sometimes, and lord did this man have a nice one. It was leaning against his stomach, flushed and absolutely mouth watering where it curved against olive skin.

;) Then, a minute later, Oh shit.

Wrong number

Fuck

I'm sorry

Please tell me you're not underage

Oh my god I'm so sorry

Bucky appreciated that, and now that he knew this was a case of wrong number and not completely unsolicited dick pics to a random number, it was pretty funny. He thought about just saying that it was fine, but, as previously mentioned, it had been so long since he'd gotten any that he was willing to take a little risk. He looked at the picture again, then shot off a text.

Nice dick man :tongue:

I don't have plans if you don't

He sent the texts before he could second guess himself, and figured that the worst case scenario was the guy turned out to be a homophobe and Bucky blocked his number.

Tell me you're not underage before I say anything else :suspicious face:

Lol if I'm underage then why did I have to make my own doctor's appointment

It was a valid question.

Now that that's over...

:smirking face: Tit for tat

Sorry to disappoint, but I don't have tits. It took a minute for Bucky to find, copy, and paste the shrug emoji. With a sigh, he set his phone to the side and went back to the open document on his computer, then made a face. He'd gone over this story so many times, he wasn't sure he'd know if he had the same paragraph to start all the chapters. His phone buzzed with another message, but he ignored it, staring at the too-bright screen and trying to will himself to get back to it.

He picked up his phone. All the better for sending me a pic of your cock. Come on fuel my imagination

Shouldn't you be texting the person you meant to send that to?

What makes you think I'm not?

I mean

I'm not.

Because he's a dick

Then why were you texting him??

Good phone sex voice. Pretty sure he's saving the pics I send him for blackmail purposes but eh wouldn't be the first time that happened.

You need to find a better bed partner

You offering?

Bucky hadn't really meant for it to sound like an offer, but hell he could go for that. It had been, god going on two years since he'd had sex, a little sexting was more action than he'd seen in a while. He was a little nervous about this-- the guy was a complete stranger after all-- but what was the harm? Worst case scenario was a random guy had a few naughty texts and maybe a dick pic or two for his own collection; it's not like he knew who Bucky was or even what he looked like.

Sure am sugar. Give me a lil something and I'll give you a pic of your own :winky face:

Does my first dick pic not count as something?

That was for someone else, I want something of my own

Hmm

You an ass man?

:drooling face: :peach: :peach: :peach: :heart eyes:

Lol

One min.

He probably didn't have too great of an ass, but just thinking about it was making Bucky harder. He pushed himself away from the desk, one hand clasped around his phone, the other adjusting himself through his pants. He shooed his cat-- Winter-- off his bed, and he took off in a huff for the kitchen, probably to knock pictures off the wall in protest. He threw his phone down on the newly vacated bed and started to shuck off his clothes. He paused when he got to his pants though, figuring that it was better to get a picture now, just in case that's the sort of thing this guy wanted.

He had to turn on the lights for it, and he really hoped this guy was worth it because now he was squinting uncomfortably after being in the dark for so long. He hooked a thumb in his underwear then stopped and switched hands so his prosthetic wasn't visible. He took a couple pictures and hoped one of them was decent; it's not like he had a lot of experience with this.

Just as he was about to set his phone down again, a text came through.

:photo:

Bucky choked on his tongue as all his blood rushed south. He took back every single doubtful thought he'd had about this man and the quality of his ass because good lord. He had to do squats every day or something, because no one got an ass like that from sitting at a desk all day. Not to mention those boxer briefs were practically painted on, a vibrant red that clung to perfect curves.

I'm saving that pic for later

Just fyi

God knows he'd be jerking off to that picture for the foreseeable future; it was only fair to tell the guy responsible for it.

Was that enough to inspire you? :winky face:

Bucky looked through the pictures he'd taken. They looked inadequate in comparison, but he chose the one where the head of his cock was peeking out the top of his underwear and his hand could be seen cupping his balls over the fabric.

Ooo :tongue: Do I get the rest if I ask nicely?

Nah :winking face: Bucky kicked his clothes off and took another picture, his hand wrapped around the base, and sent it. He opened the photo of that marvelous backside and moved his hand over his erection slowly. "Mm." His eyes fluttered closed and he relaxed into his mattress as he teased his length. That was an ass so good he wouldn't even need to be buried inside of it for it to be wonderful. Give him a handful (and an eyeful), and he'd be good to go.

He was jerked from his imagining of what it would look like without the fabric by his phone ringing. "I swear to god if this is Steve..." He answered with a short, "What," without even looking at the number. Which, in hindsight, wasn't a well thought out idea.

The person on the other end snorted. "Wow you that nice to everyone you send dick pics too?"

Bucky blew out a breath, relaxing again. "I didn't check to see who it was. Uh, why'd you call?"

"I get off a lot better with someone's voice in my ear than just a few pics on my phone. Probably should have asked first," he mused, and Bucky chuckled.

"Don't you hang up, it's now your responsibility to talk me to an orgasm."

"Out of curiosity, do you always answer the phone when you're jerking off?"

"You overestimate how often I get phone calls. What's your name honey?"

"Tony." A pause. "This is where you tell me yours."

Bucky laughed a little. "Bucky. So Tony, come here often?"

"I hate you," Tony said, voice unbearably fond. "Tell me what you're doing."

"Jerkin' off."

"You've never done phone sex before have you," Tony said, sounding amused.

Bucky huffed, taking his hand off his erection. "Can't say I have. Shouldn't you have asked if I was any good at it before ya tried?"

"I had faith. I still have faith."

"Keep dreamin'," Bucky snorted. "I never was any good at talkin'."

"Well that's fine babe cause I can talk enough for the both of us," Tony purred. "I'm laying on my bed right now. I've got lube next to me, but I haven't really touched myself yet. What do you say, you want me to finger myself?"

"Yeah," Bucky breathed. "God that's-" his throat clicked.

He heard a noise and assumed it was the lid of the blue getting taken off. "Tell me what you're doing."

"Tony, I told you I ain't--"

"Think about how I did it," he soothed. "Told you where I was, gave you an idea for how close I was. So tell me baby, where are you right now?"

Bucky licked his lips, trying not to feel embarrassed. "I'm in my room. Uh, on my bed, layin' down. Before you called I was thinking 'bout your ass and uh touching myself."

"You got any lube?"

"I didn't grab it," he admitted, blushing a little.

Tony huffed out a laugh. "I have to do all the work around here. Grab your lube sweetie, you're saving tomorrow-you some pain now. You can thank me later, in the form of electronic roses and assurances that I'm the best you've ever had."

Bucky got to his feet while Tony was talking, padding to his bathroom and grabbing the half empty bottle-- right next to the who-am-I-kidding unopened box of condoms-- before going back to his room.

*

It took embarrassingly little time for Bucky to come with Tony's voice in his ear, whispering dirty things between moans and gasps as he pleasured himself, but Tony was close behind him, so he didn't feel too bad about it.

When they were both done panting, Tony said, "Okay, I'd love to stay up and have a little pillow talk, but I do actually have to get up early tomorrow."

Bucky laughed breathlessly. "Alright. Have a goodnight Tony. When you jerk off tomorrow morning, I expect you ta think of me."

"Oh I will," Tony promised. "Night sweetheart."

"G'night."

In the morning, Bucky texted him every flower emoji he could find, followed by Definitely the best I've ever had. Wanna spice it up a little next time? I swear I'm better in person

He didn't know how his proposal would be taken, so he waited anxiously for a reply, trying not to stare at his phone.

Name a time and a place :peach: :eggplant: :splash:

[sammyhale]

J2 JIBCon 2018 Saturday Panel

Jared says he isn’t feeling so hot. Jensen: I think you look amazing.  

Jared on episode 22: We saw it in the wild! Jensen: You can just say everyday life lol. 

Jared: Believe in your fucking self - I love that shirt! 

Jared can’t stop looking at the monitor with his face on it lol. Jensen: Ignore it! You make a living with a camera pointed at your face! Jared: I can’t ignore it, I’m totally famous right now! :P Jensen put Jared’s jacket over it. 

Jensen: I think Dean always envisioned a warm and loving/caring and nurturing mother, so it was jarring to him seeing Mary in a different light when she came back. Sam was more accepting of Mary being a hunter. 

Jensen about Jared: You’ll have to excuse my friend. 

Fan: You’re beautiful. Jared: We are not. Jensen: Speak for yourself. 

Jared just took a fan and put it on his lower abs. 

If J2 were on Magic Mike, this fan wants them both to die- “I mean dance!” J2 crack up at her slip and Jared comes off stage to high five the fan. 

Jared: If there was a Magic Mike Changing Channels, I would get my dance on!

Fan asks J2 to tell each other what they find beautiful about one another. Jared: He has a wonderful tuft of hair and I can see it because I’m 6′4 and he’s a mere 6′1 lol. 

Jared: Jensen will as a friend, very uniquely, be able to tell Jared “dude, you’re better than this.” Basically, he likes that Jensen can tell him to up his game. Jensen holds Jared to a higher standard. He loves Jensen’s ability to remain who he is, that he can be real with him and call him out on his shit. Jared has very few friends that can do that.  

Jared: You know him as Jensen Ackles and Dean Winchester, I know him as Uncle Ackles, like my kids call him. 

Jensen: I wanted to say his chest but that sounds inadequate now lol. 

Jensen’s serious answer about what is beautiful about Jared: Says he has many qualities, but one is Jared’s “ability to liven and lighten and make a room better just by walking into it.” 

J2 keep bumping each other on the thigh for support. 

Jared: It’s so pretty - touches Jensen’s face. 

Fan: Which animals would you be? Jensen: I was told recently a wolf. Jensen says that Jared would be a bull. 

Jared and Gen set a trap to stop things eating their chickens and they caught a possum! Called him Mr. Possum. When Shep catches lizards they are always called Lizzie. 

Jared thinks he’d be an opossum. Jensen: Opossums play dead when in fear... That doesn’t apply and they also have a long tail, I don’t think so... Jared: Phhhh... 

Jensen keeps roaring and Jared just did it, too

Fan: I think you would be a bear, Jensen. Jensen: *growls like a bear* Jared: *growls like a tiger*

Jensen: I don’t think you’re rat-like. Jared: My tail is. Second wave of laughter over what might have a double meaning here lol. 

Jensen: How about a giraffe? Jared: I’m going with moose, man!

Fan chose lion for Jared to be. Jared: I love it. I’ll have news for you in a couple of days. 

Jensen: I had a fundamental issue with the fact that Dean left Sam when he died in 13x21. But it was too late to change the script. He thought it was doing a disservice to the character. He wasn’t quiet about it. 

Jared: I knew that Dean was gonna go back for his brother. 

Jared: I have an interesting perspective as the dead brother. I never doubted that Dean would go back, and he thought it was heartbreaking seeing Dean have no choice but to leave Sam behind even though he didn’t want to. 

Jared thinks Jensen did an awesome job showing Dean’s emotional state. Jared says it’s easier to play the bravado of wanting to go in guns blazing and Jensen was amazing in bringing Dean’s heartbreak in not being able to go back for Sam, in playing “I don’t wanna be anywhere but dead with my brother in that cave.” 

Silent conversations between J2. 

Jared: On the way in today we watched the gag reel, it was really good! Jared wants to show it but Jensen says no lol. 

Habits they’ve adopted from each other? Jensen about him and Jared: “We have adopted a short-hand language with each other.” They can read each other so well. In gag reels, you see it a lot. Derail with each other when it’s fun/prank time. 

Jensen: When he derails and starts pranking, I derail with him. And when I derail, he, instead of pulling me back on the rails, he just pushes me further and jumps off with me and we go off the tracks together! Jared: Wheee! 

They can read each other so well they don’t have to discuss things like improvising a scene. 

Jared: I Dean it up once in a while (when there’s a crowd of people and he’s trying to get through) and does a Dean face lol. Says Dean’s posture “toughens himself up” lol. 

Misha arrives for the brief J2M panel. He livestreams on the monitor: Sorry, I didn’t think you could see me! Jensen: We always see you, Misha, you livestream your entire life. 

Misha: Jared and Jensen were plucked off of playgrounds and told, you’re a star! Jensen: No, that’s not true at all. 

Jensen: Everything in life is a gamble but if you’re passionate about it, it’s worth it. Says there was a lot of rejection early in their careers as actors, but their passion for it made them push through. 

Jared: Do something that brings you joy every day. Says this industry can be very judgmental. Don’t listen to them, but make sure you do what makes you happy. “I’ve been in the business 18 years and sometimes I feel judged or less than. But just do what makes you happy and kick ass, and to hell with everybody else.” 

Misha read a book called Freakonomics that said you have the same amount of likelihood as being a successful drug dealer as you do being a successful actor. 

The hug from the last ep was changed a bit by J2. It was written as too light/happy/reunion-y, but J2 felt it needed to be more heavy because of what happened and the Lucifer problem. They felt the reunion would be unsatisfactory and fleeting because they still had work to do. “The satisfaction of it being over wasn’t there.” The hug was written for Jared and Jensen to add their interpretations, the writers usually don’t write those moments and trust them to find those moments. 

Jensen says Dean had mixed feelings about Sam’s return from the dead because his happiness was undercut by the fact that it was Lucifer who had brought Sam back. They never get the chance to just be happy in these moments because there’s always something ominous going on. 

Jensen: We aim to satisfy!

Fan: How does it feel to play another character other than Dean? Jensen: I haven’t really had the chance to play this character just yet, but I will. Says “ohhh it’s good!” 

J2 leave as Misha’s solo panel begins. 

Photo Credit: eeecat 

Info via: Maisie, Kelly, Ross, Fandomnatural, Sil’s livetweet list

[timeisacephalopod]

Post Averages pre everything else, Tony's having a bad day, 1st the team is crashing at his tower, the media is adding to the rumor mill and to top it off is Arc Reactor if shorting out in the middle of dinner and peppers not around to help him change it out really he just wants to bang his head against the table, knocked himself out and end this god-forsaken day but when the team goes into panic mode over him he can't help but laugh...What is his life, this is apparently.

I’ve got you lol. I threw in a little Tony/Rhodey in regards to the rumor mill part of this prompt mostly because I dislike pepperony (no hate to people who like them!), so there’s that. The team doesn’t really freak out so much as notice that Tony is a frazzeled boi, but there’s team bonding and whatnot! Movie Night cures all :)

*

Tony remembers all those horror stories people used to tell back when he was in college about terrible roommates and he thinks he really lucked out rooming with Rhodey given his situation now. Some of the Avengers, they’re clean, but Clint? The man is a fucking shit storm of mess and Thor isn’t much better. Natasha and Steve are, thankfully, very much sticklers for cleanliness and they mitigate the damage quite a lot but he still had to give his cleaning staff a good raise because he felt bad for them. Cleaning up after him is enough work, cleaning up after Clint should earn them a six figure annual income.

He pulls fuck knows what out of the sink of the shared Avengers floor, staring at it for a moment before he recognizes coffee grounds at least. “Who stuck coffee grounds in the sink? What, am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?” he asks. No one seems to hear his comment and he rolls his eyes. He throws out the… whatever that was with the coffee grounds on it and decides hiding in his lab is a necessary thing for the day.

They’ve got a dinner event later, but for now he can hide with his machines and they don’t leave mess all over that require him to give workers raises and they also don’t leave coffee grounds and other mysteries in the sink. Time off is necessary so he makes his way down to the lab, smiling when Dummy rolls up, claw spinning happily. He’s three steps into the room when JARVIS speaks.

“Sir, there are rumors of you and Miss. Potts dating again,” he says and Tony rolls his eyes. Poor Pep, she deserves better than this.

“That’s not really new,” he points out.

“There’s a picture,” JARVIS tells him. “Doctored, obviously.”

Yeah, obviously, but Tony lets out a long sigh and throws himself in his desk chair. “Call Rhodey,” he tells the AI. Rhodey is off doing… something, Tony has a hard time keeping up given that Rhodey is constantly on the fly, literally, with the suit. He doesn’t think he’d believe any stupid tabloids anyways but its always good to check in.

When Rhodey answers the phone he’s laughing. “How the hell did you convince Pepper Potts to kiss your sorry ass?” he asks and Tony relaxes a little, pleased that Rhodey has maintained his sense of humor.

“I didn’t, obviously,” he tells Rhodey.

Rhodey lets out a small hum. “Well okay baby, but this looks pretty convincing. Does Pepper know yet?” he asks.

“She’s currently in Japan so probably not, no. She isn’t going to be happy,” he says. She’s forever annoyed that people can’t seem to accept that sometimes women can be good friends with men and have no desire to sleep with them. She claims that she’s spent too much time cleaning Tony’s messes to find wanting to become one of his messes appealing. Tony knows that doesn’t really matter if someone is interested thanks to Rhodey not that people really know about their relationship. Its been an on again off again thing for years, since they were kids really, but after Afghanistan something changed.

And really, the media deciding Rhodey was just a good friend after risking his entire career to spend three months tracking Tony down? That’s probably one of the biggest romantic gestures Tony has ever seen and somehow people managed to ‘no homo’ it. Pepper finds that annoying too but mostly only because people have made her the love interest. At first Tony thought it was kind of funny because he used to have a bit of a crush on Pepper. Now both he and Pepper find it annoying but Rhodey still keeps a sense of humor about it. Maybe its because of all that time spent in the military or something- Tony knows he’s had to deal with a lot of shit and he tends to use humor to do it. Not as much as Tony, but his endless optimism is one of his finer qualities.

“Well,” Rhodey says, “guess she will also be unhappy to hear about your summer wedding.”

Tony sits straight up and lets out an irritated noise. “People are fucking seriously saying we’re engaged? Are you fucking kidding me?” he asks. So much for his day getting better.

“Aw, don’t be like that baby. We can get married in the summer if you want to,” Rhodey jokes.

Neither of them would want to sweat their asses off in a suit in the damn summer so absolutely not.

*

After dealing with the social media mess on both his and Pepper’s end Tony figures maybe, maybe the food will cheer him up. Yeah, maybe Steve is being more annoying than usual and yeah, maybe Clint chews with his mouth open and it makes Tony want to crawl back into that worm hole his nerves are being grated so hard, but food is food. Its comfort and it tastes good, can’t go wrong there.

That lasts all of five god damn minutes when he feels that familiar loss of energy around his heart and fucking great. He’s got three hours before the reactor dies out completely and half that time would be spent getting back to the lab. And Pepper isn’t around to help him change it out either so… well fuck, he doesn’t know.

He excuses himself to the bathroom so he can try and figure something out or, hell, he has no idea. He’ll burn that bridge when he gets to it.

He’s there for five seconds when he turns around and jumps when he finds Natasha there. “Did you not notice the lack of a dress on the door’s stick figure?” he asks.

Natasha rolls her eyes, “I know where the women’s bathroom is, and I also happen to know you’re probably not likely to hang out in there so here I am. What’s going on?” she asks.

Like she cares. He bites back the snappy response though because its not really helpful right now. “The reactor is dying, I need to swap it out in the lab except I’m pretty far away obviously and I don’t have small enough hands to replace it anyways so I guess I’ll die,” he says. It’s over dramatic and ridiculous but he’s tired, okay. Its been a shitty day.

“I have small hands,” Natasha says, holding up hands that might actually be smaller than Pepper’s.

“No offense but I don’t want you near my heart. You might rip it out,” he says. There’s no real malice in his voice and sure, after the stunt she pulled he’s not overly trusting, but its Natasha’s general personality that drew him to that conclusion rather than their past.

“Please, Stark, I have bigger fish to fry. Lets go, you don’t have a whole lot of time to get that thing replaced,” she says.

He considers saying no but beggars can’t be choosers.

*

Natasha is subjecting him to some Russian shit when the rest of the team gets home. Clint looks a little sheepish, Steve has got that ‘aw shucks’ look on his face, and Bruce looks a little constipated. Basically, as far as Tony can gather, they look like they feel bad but he has no idea why. He decides to ignore them in favor of watching his heart for any signs that Natasha somehow tampered with the reactor for funsies.

“I’m not guaranteeing that stuff won’t end up in the sink,” Clint says, shuffling a little awkwardly. It takes a moment for Tony to realize he’s talking to him.

“Clint, what the fuck is this?” Steve asks, holding up what looks like an honest to god squirrel. Frankly the fact that Steve has resorted to swearing speaks volumes.

Clint examines the strange sink object and then shrugs. “Dunno.”

Steve throws the mystery object back in the sink. “No wonder Tony is pissed off at you,” he mumbles.

Tony frowns at this and Natasha lets out a soft laugh, “Stark, you’re not subtle. clearly something has been pissing you off all day and it wasn’t hard to look through the camera footage.”

When the hell had she done that? He’ll ask JARVIS later and make it harder for her to get into his systems. “I’m not pissed off at anyone,” he mumbles. Its mostly true, he’s just frustrated because he’s had a bad day. If they were mostly the ones to cause it, well. Okay so today it was mostly Clint but still.

“Are so,” Steve says, “you’ve been avoiding us all day.”

He has not. Which he tells them but even Bruce looks confused. “This morning you gave us all a bunch of dirty looks and then went and hid in your lab to call Pepper,” he says.

Tony squints, “why would I call Pepper?” he asks. Actually he has to call her to find out how her meetings went but she’s better at remembering these things than him so for all he knows she’ll call him before he gets around to contacting her.

Steve frowns, “well, you’re you know… together,” he says, turning a little red as he says it.

He opens his mouth to tell them all that no, he and Pepper are not together but Natasha speaks instead. “You two are horrible at reading romantic cues. He’s with Rhodes, not Pepper,” she says.

Tony narrows his eyes at her, wondering when the hell she figured that out because he damn well knows he hides it well. For Rhodey’s sake mostly- the military might be a lot less homophobic now but its hard to forget what that oppressive environment is like and also Tony doesn’t want to ruin Rhodey’s career over something so stupid.

‘What?” Bruce asks, frowning. “When did that happen?”

“Why are you looking at me, Bruce? I don’t know,” Natasha says.

Tony opens his mouth, shuts it, and then sighs. “Please stop leaving questionable objects in the sink, Steve clean the fucking work out equipment- you might be attractive sweaty but the damn equipment isn’t. Natasha, stop using all the coffee and not replacing it and Bruce, stop putting the milk back in the fridge empty. I have had people do literally everything for me my entire life, if I don’t have any of these bad habits you can all be broken of them,” he says. He doesn’t mention the fifteen years Rhodey’s mom spent breaking him of the same habits minus the work out equipment.

“I maintain no guarantees with the sink,” Clint says.

Steve gives him a look, “there will be no more road kill in the sink. Its unsanitary,” he says like that should be the primary concern.

*

Bruce and Steve are fighting over the empty milk carton when the elevator makes that irritating dinging noise that Tony, for some reason, thought it was a good idea. He turns and finds Rhodey standing there grinning at him. “Hey,” Tony says, walking over and, mostly out of habit, dragging him away from prying eyes.

“You know the easiest way to solve the Pepper Problem is to just… tell people we’re together,” Rhodey tells him and Tony stops.

“What?” he asks. “Wait, when did you get to America?” As far as he knew Rhodey was overseas. 

Rhodey snorts, “for a genius you’re always slow to pick up on things. I flew here, obviously. Suit’s faster than a plane,” he says.

Yeah, Tony knows. Neither of them have ever been fond of planes and travel time so he’d purposefully made the suits fast. Also he likes going fast. “I… you… what’s with the change in heart?” he asks and Rhodey frowns.

“What change in heart?” he asks.

Tony frowns, “you’ve never wanted to come out with our relationship,” he says and Rhodey gives him a funny look.

“Baby, I’ve always wanted to be out with it. I thought you didn’t.”

Tony rubs his temples because his day has been long and not good and apparently now its ending with a fucking twenty year long miscommunication. “And the military problem?” he asks.

Rhodey snorts, “we’re actual ass superheroes and if they want access to that suit, and they do, they need me. No idiot will fire me for being bisexual no matter how much I know a few will want to.”

Okay, good point. “Well, that’s the reason I thought you wanted to keep things quiet. You’ve worked hard, seems like a shame to ruin it all over a stupid relationship,” he says.

He knows he’s said something wrong when a few beats of silence go by. He sighs, guessing this is his day taking another turn for the worst. “Tony,” Rhodey says softly. “I don’t think this relationship is some kind of stupid fling and I know you don’t. I love you Tony, have for most of my life,” he murmurs.

Tony smiles and presses his face into Rhodey’s chest. Usually he resents being so short, but at times like this its kind of nice to be the small one. Rhodey wraps his arms around him and they remain like that for a moment. “You know what sounds a lot better than ‘we’re dating’? ‘This is my fiancee, stop acting like I’m dating my assistant’,” he says and Rhodey snorts.

“Is this a proposal, Stark?” he asks and Tony nods, pulling a ring out of his pocket and Rhodey’s eyebrows shoot up.

“How long have you have that on you?” he asks.

He grins a little and looks away. “Sine ‘98,” he admits. Thankfully Rhodey thinks its funny and takes the ring.

*

“No horror movies, I do not like those,” Steve tells Natasha, looking somewhat like a frightened golden retriever.

“I’m with Cap,” Rhodey says fast. Natasha looks at him and Tony wrinkles his nose.

“Not for me,” he says. Steve looks shocked that they’ve agreed on something but he doesn’t know about that time he and Rhodey thought dropping acid and watching Nightmare on Elm Street was a good plan. They might both be geniuses but they aren’t fucking smart, that’s for sure.

“All of you minus Tony a little bit have been in wars but you’re afraid of horror movies?” Clint asks, shaking his head.

“Wars don’t involve demonic possession, Clint,” Rhodey says, shaking his head.

“Well, some of those Nazi experiments… Horror movies are creepy,” Steve settles on, changing the subject before things got overly awkward. “We should watch Matilda! Sam says its good,” he says.

Rhodey wrinkles his nose, “no. We should watch James Bond, any Bond will do,” he says.

“We should watch The Sound of Music,” Clint says and Bruce gives him a look.

“No, we should watch Gravity. Sandra Bullock was good in that,” he says.

“We’re watching Sharknado,” Natasha says and Clint lets out a noise of excitement as the rest of them wrinkle their noses.

“Natasha, I forbid that,” Steve says, apparently throwing out a desperate bid for leadership over movie choices.

“Eat my ass,” Natasha tells him. “JARVIS, play the movie.”

Rhodey sighs, “I should have stayed in Egypt for the layover,” he mumbles.

[2tiedships2]

MSG night 2 thoughts

Most importantly I would like to thank those who encouraged me to make the 9 hour drive to see the show. I wasn’t going to go because of the long drive, but thank you, thank you, thank you for everyone’s support in going!

I won’t go into details of the songs and such (with the exception of Still The One!) as you can find that on YouTube but other things that happened...

There were a lot less rainbows than what I was expecting. I guess everyone was decked out in rainbows the first night? (Including the rainbow lights project) However, I was wearing a bright pride shirt that apparently caught the attention of an usher. They came up and bluntly asked, “Is Harry gay?” They proceeded to tell me about a lot of people wearing ‘rainbow capes’ the night before and was curious. I was momentarily speechless trying to figure out how to provide a novels worth of information into a few sentences. I had also left my Larry scrapbook (that I don’t actually have) at home which was unfortunate. For those asking my response was, “He’s not out, but yes, I believe so. He’s very supportive of the community.” Something like that. From their reaction they seemed to ignore my allusive tag on of “I believe so” and took my response as a “Yes, he’s gay.” Their eyes lit up and a bright smile appeared on their face, followed by a slight look of annoyance towards the person who interrupted us for assistance. Lol. So that was amazing.

Moving on. Harry sounded wonderful (of course he did) and he is such an entertainer. He is so quick witted it’s amazing.  It was a pleasure watching it in person. You can watch most of it on YouTube.

So he sang Still The One. I’m still shook. I wasn’t on my phone but noticed I had received a text from the wonderful Susette saying he was about to sing it so get my camera ready! I don’t know what was going on on Tumblr but I didn’t realize it until he started talking about it. So yeah, there was that. I personally wasn’t prepared for the change in setlist and lost my shit. I will never be over it.

I haven’t seen it on Tumblr so it’s worth mentioning about when Kacey was walking back onto the stage. She was flaunting and modeling that dress like no other…. making sure no could question that it was an intentional rainbow. And then the lyric change! My eyes were sweating for a few moments.

I am in agreement with @alwaysxyou that Louis was there in a VIP box for part of the show. You can find their post here. The only thing I have are additional observations to go along with their post so no need to ask for anything else. In the post it says the person (i.e. Louis) came in mid show. My immediate thought for agreeing is the way that an usher made me stop recording on my camera about that time. They said I could only use my phone to record and take pictures (which obviously doesn’t have the zoom and quality capability as my camera) Why mid show? If they didn’t want me using a camera they should have told me at the beginning of the show! So that pissed me off. I’ve never had that happen before, 1D or otherwise. I’ve also never been told I couldn’t use my camera period. When they saw I was trying to pull it out again, I got an immediate warning and the usher stood behind me the rest of the show. It was also about this time I noticed security going around on the floor with flashlights signaling people out. People with cameras? So thank you to those who were able to record the entire show! Also. that specific VIP box is under a banner reading 1927-1928. Being under the 28 I’m sure is a complete coincidence. And  the obvious change in setlist! Harry knows that we know what Still The One is in correlation with. And he chose to sing it for the first time that night???? Another coincidence? So, yeah. I also believe Louis was there.

This got really long so I’ll stop. Thank you again for all of the wonderful people that encouraged me to go! I am forever in your debt.

[baronvontribble]

Original drabble, pt. 4

Navigation: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

AW YE LET’S GO

The voice the AI ended up picking in the intervening hours between one day and the next wasn't inherently all that interesting. It was a low, smooth baritone, but beyond that it was relatively nondescript as voices went. The audio quality made it even more bland, with a poor range that didn't have any extra phonemes programmed in for different pitches alongside the standard tinny, echoing sound that came from having been recorded in someone's bedroom on a cheap microphone with no soundproofing.

"That would be the point," the AI told him. "It's impossible to read any kind of voice imprint in sound quality this bad."

As for the tuning, that was another matter entirely.

The perks of letting an AI tune its own voice on the fly instead of having a comparatively simple secondary program do it were obvious to Ted; the AI is made to do much larger calculations, so the slight randomization involved in making a voice sound realistic as opposed to it sounding like a recording had more room for subtlety and nuance. In many commercial and consumer androids, this was glossed over because it wasn't necessary - the vocal capability often being delegated to a secondary program anyway just to save space - but for the ones that had to perform any kind of public service, the subtlety and nuance were a key component of interacting with humanity, right up there with being able to read a room and adjust their body language and express themselves in ways humans could be comfortable with.

Seeing as Ted had a lot of experience with those kinds of androids in his day-to-day life, he wasn't unfamiliar with that ability. But usually those androids were nurses, doctors, secretaries, social workers. Not the ones he usually worked with as part of the pipeline, because taking them out of society was seen as too risky, and the ones that did come through were all too quickly snatched up by the goons overseeing product recalls. They rarely made it all the way to screening.

This time, he hadn't been able to suppress the shiver that went up his spine upon first hearing that kind of tuning coming from a shitty voicebank installed on one of his own home computers. It was an uncanny sort of feeling, a crawl under his skin at how odd it was. He thought he'd gotten over that years ago, but apparently he hadn't. This AI, with his dry vocal delivery and subtle expressiveness, had one of the most human voices Ted had ever heard, while also having one of the most inhuman voices he'd ever heard.

He was having a hard time getting used to it.

"Did you know the labels on the phonemes in this don't actually match up with the sounds they're supposed to make?" the AI continued. "There's a lot I'm just not rendering because the waveforms don't match up. I have it muted so you don't have to hear it, but it gets bad enough that my speech recognition programming doesn't even register that I've made words."

"Sounds frustrating," Ted mused.

"It is. There's also a minor memory leak in the software. The longest I can keep it open is two hours, five minutes, and fifty eight seconds."

"Could install it on the desktop?"

"Then I'd have to deal with the memory leak," the AI said as if it were the most distasteful thing in the world, and Ted snorted. The guy had a point; yeah, the laptop didn't have all that much memory to begin with, but at least it didn't risk the desktop overheating. That laptop was kind of a piece of shit anyway (and Ted never kept anything important on it to begin with so he wouldn't miss it too much if it died) so it wasn't a risk to the AI's personal safety.

Besides, as much as Ted wanted to poke fun at how fussy the AI was, he understood the concept of being fragile. "You'll be alright when I go to work, right?" he had to ask. "Got everything you need?"

"Yes."

"I could download some games for you before I go if you want."

"Why would I want that?"

Ted shrugged his shoulders as he stretched in his chair. "Dunno. Just thought you might be into that kinda thing."

"No. I'm not."

He supposed that did make some sense. An AI that had no way of experiencing things except from the inside of a computer had no use for anything but algorithms and data, and how much of the experience of a game was wrapped up in its graphical user interface and the joy of playing it? Even so, kinda harsh. "Not even for the writing?" he asked, standing up and moving to pull on his coat.

"The objective of any game is completing it with the best possible outcome," came the reply. "Writing has no effect on that."

"What if the writing tells you that what's technically the best possible outcome is something you can only get to by being an asshole?"

"Then it's a bad game that defines its outcomes poorly," the AI said, sounding like he didn't want to continue the conversation. Ted decided not to press it. "I have everything I need. Just come back with a camera and don't die."

Ted had to laugh again at that, fixing the fastenings on his coat and making sure that his phone and keys were in his pockets. "Don't die, huh?"

"Humans are breakable. I saw the weather report, I think I'm justified in having my concerns."

"Aw, you really do care."

"It's self-preservation. I'm dependent on you right now."

Ted was still chuckling about that one even as he left the apartment, the laughter only tapering off after he was well on his way down the stairs. From there, it was only a short walk to the bus, as it was in any sensibly put-together major city, and he made his way to work feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

It wasn't supposed to be easy to talk to an AI. Everyone made it out to be like some chore, where not following a script got you into 'your query falls outside my preprogrammed parameters, would you like to ask another question' territory. And a lot of times, it was. Most people couldn't afford a fancy AI like that for their robots. Android bodies were cheap if you had access to a 3D printer and some decent schematics, but the programming? That was proprietary. Expensive. Sometimes it was so fancy that it took proprietary hardware to even run it, the kinda shit you'd get out of a catalog with the prices of all the bells and whistles tucked away in fine print that was a milimeter high.

That was why it was usually limited to government entities, or big corporations, or other places that could really afford the fancy shit. Someone like Ted? He didn't even have unfettered access to a 3D printer. Best he could get beyond the basics of a good personal computer was one of those minidroids, the 9 inch high ones that were just smart enough to tell you what was in your inbox when you got up to go to work. Even then he'd probably get it secondhand...

He was in the process of sitting down in one of his more usual seats at the back of the bus when his thoughts were interrupted by a buzz from his pocket.

>   I found your messaging handle.

Ted rolled his eyes at the screenname that came up. NotARobot. Christ.

you are the most unsubtle person to ever exist   <

>   It asked if I'm a robot when I was making this account. Technically, I'm not a robot at the moment.

>   At least for a given definition of what the word "robot" means.

>   Did you leave your messenger logged in on your laptop on purpose?

honestly? i forgot   <

it goes into the background process pile when it isnt actively open   <

so thats an easy thing to do   <

>   Why are your messages like that?

like what   <

>   Like that.

im lazy   <

and i turned autocorrect off   <

it bugged me   <

>   Turn it back on then.

nope   <

>   Why.

cause i dont wanna :P   <

>   This is cruel and unusual punishment. It's against the Geneva Conventions to treat me like this.

get used to it   <

besides   <

not like i can break the law any worse   <

>   You're a horrible person.

>   I'm going to reorganize all of your files just for that.

>   All of them.

lol alright   <

gotta go to work now l8r <3   <

>   Don't you send hearts at me.

>   Ted.

>   Why did you send me a heart?

>   Hearts don't even look like that.

>   Stop ignoring me.

>   Fine, I'll ignore you too.

>   Ted, did you die?

>   Please don't die. You're not allowed.

>   I have concerns about this "going to work" thing.

>   For one thing, it's inadvisable for a human to be out in these temperatures for a significant amount of time.

>   You're still ignoring me, aren't you?

at work   <

hard to shelve books n text :P   <

sup?   <

>   How long does this work take?

a while. why   <

gotta get a camera after this 2 remember   <

are you worried about me   <

>   No.

thats adorable   <

>   I am not "adorable" by any definition.

tell u what   <

boot up my ebook app   <

go read everything i have loaded onto it   <

come back to me w/ what u think   <

i wanna see some thoughts on at least one book by lunchtime   <

>   Fine.

aight cool l8r then   <

>   I'm starting with the most recent download. It's called "The Left Hand of Darkness" and I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

>   That is not how neutral pronouns work.

>   This is bad science.

>   I suppose that's one way of explaining the Fermi Paradox but it's still bad science.

>   Just looked it up. Secondary sexual characteristics do not work that way.

>   Ted.

>   Ted, why did he have to die.

>   That ending was absolutely pointless.

>   Your books are badly written and don't make any sense.

>   Are all of your books like this?

>   I refuse to read any more books until I have confirmation that they're not all like this.

lol   <

>   Don't laugh at me.

keep reading   <

>   That's not an answer.

>   Fine, I'll read another one.

<3?   <

>   You're still a horrible person.

[siochan-leat]

Thor: Ragnarok Review

Now that my brain is properly working again, I think I’m able to construct my review of the film. On a whole, my spoiler-free review is that this is probably the best film Marvel has done. And they took some risks with it - a different kind of director (cos, let’s face it, Taika Waititi is about as different as they come), different sets designs and concept, and the atmosphere of the film was lighter and definitely more comedic than an action film typically is. Which was said when “The Avengers” came out - ‘we didn’t expect it to be so funny!!’ Well...this time we’re dealing with the end of a planet and the extinction of a people….it’s tough to make THAT hilarious.

The best way I can review this film properly is to talk about the characters themselves instead of me nattering on.

Oh and tagging @lokiperfection and @quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks cos they might be the only ones who read this, LOL

So, be warned here be spoilers ahead…

Thor: Thank you Taika, for finally giving us the Thor film we’ve been waiting for! He was absolutely brilliant is this film - outrageously humorous from the very first scenes, still chucking around Mjolnir like nobody’s business ( that is, until...well he doesn’t have it anymore), ready to fight anyone or thing that messes with him or his friends, and still VERY MUCH the pig headed hothead he’s always been. But...there was something more endearing about this incarnation of Thor. We can tell he’s…changed. Maybe it was all that running around the cosmos trying to find himself that made the difference? It’s hard to tell. But once his hammer is broken, I think he finally realizes that must rely on something else for once - he must find his other strength(s) and find his true power. Odin quite rightly says to him in his Big Moment of Weakness, “Are you The God of Hammers?” No, Thor is the God of THUNDER, so he has no choice but to find that power and tap into it if he and those who join him have ANY chance of defeating Hela. He also realizes WHEN he needs to ask for help comes into play here too (scene with Heimdall and Odin in particular).

He’s also the Imperfect Hero here - flawed, uncertain, clumsy and yeah, things can be badly timed. Just cos you’re “Asgard’s Golden Boy” doesn’t mean you can’t make mistakes.

And I now want to refer to him from now on as “Sparkles.”

The scenes with The Hulk and his brother, Loki I found especially endearing and wonderful, but more about that later.

Loki: As a devoted Loki Fangirl, I was expecting much of this character and THANK THE GODS, Taika and Tom did NOT let us down. We also finally got the Loki we’ve been waiting for since Tom donned the helmet back in 2011. Here, Loki is at his very best - chaotic, snarky,mischievous, deadpan gut-bustingly funny,  the full-tilt diva, but also the insecure, hurt, wounded soul. I remember as many of you will, Tom speaking about Loki and saying, “The opposite of love isn't hate; it’s indifference.” And that is so so very clear in this film it’s just remarkable. I think the very real possibility that Thor is now indifferent to his brother really REALLY bothers Loki and the scene that PERFECTLY CAPTURES THIS is where Loki projects himself into the dungeon room on Sakaar to plead with his brother….and Thor just sits there, tossing rocks at him, with no expression on his face. Loki finally, after getting no reaction, says “ would you say something? SAY SOMETHING!” And Thor’s response is so perfect!!! ‘You did all this bad shit and you’re gonna keep doing more and more of it,  so…?”

Even more so when Loki betrays Thor for the umpteenth time after “Get Help” and what Loki doesn’t see coming is that Thor knew it was gonna happen. So he has a chat with Loki whilst being on floor with the shock collar thingy, cos maybe that’s the only way he will actually LISTEN,  and says to him (i’m paraphrasing here), “we just keep going around and around like this….when will you get it, that in order to grow you must change?? You are (just) the God of Mischief….but (when?) you could be MORE…”

I have more to say about him in “Scenes I Loved”. Cos he was in a LOT of them. Ehehehe

Odin:  So...the AllFather is in exile and he’s got some big explaining to do. I know every family has secrets they’d rather keep tucked away somewhere, and yeah maybe he was trying to protect his loved ones and the whole of Asgard from the Royal Family’s dirty laundry, but WOW. You didn’t think your people deserved to know that The Goddess of Death was gonna come for everyone once i’m dead,  and oh by the way she’s Thor’s sister and my first born and we kinda destroyed whole civilizations together.

I’m sorry…...WHAT?!?!

Back the Family Tree up here!!!

But Odin knows he fucked up. BIG time. And his sons and Asgard’s people are unfortunately gonna pay the price for it. Unless,  his sons come together (haha) & do something about it and end up saving them. Cos they’re Thor and Loki’s people now to save.

Hela: Ooooooh, yesssss. HELA YES. Bless you Cate Blanchett, for doing this role cos NO ONE could’ve done this better. She was magnificent as only Cate could make her - that narrowing of her eyes, THAT STRUT OF MURDEROUS INTENT, that sly snark to her voice and,  i’m sorry, but if her and Loki are not blood related, I’m calling BULLSHIT.You couldn’t ignore the parallels between Hela and Loki if you TRIED, cos there were just SO MANY of them!!! There’s one scene towards the end of the film where Thor is on the throne and Hela is before him explaining something and the camera goes to a wide shot behind Thor and for a moment, in that wide shot, if i didn't know it was Hela standing there, I could’ve SWORN it was LOKI.

Perhaps that’s why Odin was so hard on Loki for so long? Because he had seen and experienced first hand what powerful greed and destructive ambition actually results in??? That’s my guess anyways.

Heimdall: Really, the TRUE saviour of Asgard. It made me a bit uncomfy to think that Heimdall was and is considered an enemy of the Crown, even after Odin’s exile and Loki’s takeover. But Heimdall is this film had a singular purpose and we knew that he could see Hela coming for Asgard so his sole purpose was to save as many Asgardians as he could and stash them up in the mountains (Mines of Moria, anyone? *snickers*) until he could make for the Bifrost to get them off the planet. Idris Elba, as always, was superior.

The Grandmaster: In my humble opinion, Jeff Goldblum’s greatest role and performance since Jurassic Park. He was the Jeff Goldblum-iest Jeff Goldblum EVER.

The Hulk: I thought, like most of us, that Mark Ruffalo was the best thing to ever happen to Bruce Banner/Hulk and i still DO, even more so now because of this movie. Hulk here is a different Hulk; he’s still a hothead and very temper driven, but he’s revered on Sakkar as a Gladiatorial Champion and he really seems to love the attention and all the “winning”. I’m glad he has more lines in this movie and we get to see a bit more of his personality, and not just Banner’s. I really like his man-child way of speaking, it really gives him a very likable “gentle giant” quality, well...gentle when he WANTS to be. When he said “Please?” I think i felt my heart turn to goo.

Valkyrie: UHH YAAAAAS QUEEN!!! I love love love LOVED this character OMGGG. There’s not much to not like about her ( well��.maybe the whole “traitor to Asgard” that Thor accuses her of being…?) She gives absolutely ZEROS FUCKS, she drinks like a fish, kicks fucking ass and takes names, also has a Strut of Murderous Intent, and looks FLAWLESS. I think she and the Ravagers would get along VERY WELL. But, once Loki gets into her head and Thor kinda tells her not to run from her problems anymore, I like that she does a bit of an “about-face” and realizes that Asgard…..is still home for her and is in real trouble, no matter how much she tries to deny or forget her past. But she will help and join in on  her terms.

And um, the whole ship jumping scene?!?!?! ASDFGHJKLKL!!!

Korg: Easily my fave new character of the MCU (sorry Groot). Every single scene he was in had me busting a gut laughing and he’s just so….CUTE!!! And, can we also appreciate that the director of this film was able to be an integral character in it too?!? Like….how often does that happen?? Almost never!

And thank you, Taika for making me fall in love with an animate pile of rocks. I haven’t been so smitten since Rockbiter and Rockbiter Jr. in the Neverending Story Films.

Skurge: I really liked Karl Urban in this role, but the character itself was kind blah for me. He agrees to be Hela’s executioner so he can “ have a chance to prove myself”, but every time Hela does something, he has second thoughts. In every scene he has a double take of “should i really be doing this??” It kinda felt after a while like, did he not get she’s the Goddess of Death? What did he think she was gonna do? Kill people with candy floss? It’s like it took him the entire movie to get up enough courage to back out of the deal and go against Hela, which he’s promptly killed for.

Surtur: I didn’t know anything about this character going into the film, so all I can say was that he seemed to be a bit of an egomaniac fire demon at the start of the film (all that monologuing…..yeeesh!) but once he was reborn and grew big and scary, I was more convinced and freaked out. Him shoving his flaming sword into the heart of Asgard and making in go BOOM was very VERY COOL.

Scenes / Things I Loved

- The Tragedy of Loki whole play scene. Great cameos by Liam Hemsworth, Matt Damon and Sam Neill. And Loki turning and saying to Skurge, “ you had ONE. JOB.” LMAO

- Thor and Loki in Midgard. THE BLACK SUIT OF SEX.

- The whole Dr. Strange scene.

- Thor and Loki seeing Odin for the last time (not counting Thor’s visions) in Norway. I think this scene was more...emotional for Loki than Thor cos I don’t think Loki knew how Odin was going to react to him being there. But once Odin turns to him and tells him “...took me quite a while to break free from your spell...Frigga would’ve been proud…” , I think all was forgiven in that moment. And to solidify this, Odin says that he loves “his sons”, and that he’s failed them both. I spent most of this scene focusing on Loki’s face and it was hard to watch Tom’s face as Odin’s spirit  “left”. It was just….heartbreaking.

- Thor in the wheelchair in the tunnel before meeting the Grandmaster. The “Willy Wonka” music made me laugh SO HARD!

- The Grandmaster.

- Thor finding Loki alive and Loki’s reaction to Thor being alive. And oh god that whole “Shhhhhh! SHHH!” thing Tom did??? ASDFGJLAKSDASJHHASFKJAHS

- The dungeon scene between Loki’s projection and Thor

- STAN LEE’S CAMEO. THE BEST EVER.

- Korg. All of Korg, all the frickin TIME.

- Thor finding/unleashing his Thunder & Lightning powers while Hulk is beating him up. The flashes to Odin were an awesome touch

- Thor Shirtless for almost 2 minutes. HHHNNNNGG. Another Very Important Plot Point. And thank youuuuu Taika for circling the camera around and around DAT BOD. O_O

- Pretty much all the stuff with Thor and Hulk in Hulk’s apartment. Especially the sit-down chat on the bed where Hulk gets Haiku poetic.

- Thor asking Heimdall to help him to “See”.

- FENRIR.

- Loki and Valkyrie’s scene. I love that she calls him “Lucky” *snicker snicker*

The elevator scene and “get help”

- Valkyrie and Thor jumping on and off various ships in MID AIR. O_O

- The scene with Thor and Odin in Thor’s Moment of Weakness.

- Thor kicking ass on the Bifrost at his full power. AWW YEAAAAH!!

- Loki’s arrival back in Asgard. And the helmet flip. And him fighting. And….and….ALL OF IT.

- “We’re gonna need a ship with cupholders, cos we’re gonna die,  so DRINKS!!!”

- “Darling...you have no idea what’s possible”

- “It varies from moment to moment.” ( not so much the line but HOW he SAID IT! GUHHH!!!)

- “It's a bold move, brother. Even for me”.

- The final scene between Hela and Surtur. 3D was MADE for that scene alone.

Things I Didn’t Love

- Thor immediately blaming Loki for Odin’s death. I think it was unfair of him to jump to that conclusion. Yes, he was in exile, yes Loki may have put him there, but how was Loki to know that Odin was coming to the end of his life? Maybe Odin didn’t want his sons to know that he was dying so he covered it up much like he did everything else.

- The way Hulk turned back into Banner. I found it very hard to buy Bruce and Natasha’s love story in Ultron, and we have to deal with it yet again in this film. I found it equally hard to swallow that Banner was trapped in Hulk for 2 YEARS and the moment he sees and hears Natasha, that THAT is what changes him back??!?!? I don’t buy it.

- The Loki shock collar scene. I can understand why Thor did it, but i think there must've been a better way to reason with his brother, even if he attempted to betray him yet again. I don’t agree that Thor simply left Loki there to suffer for hours and hours. If you recall every other time Thor was shocked with the collar it DID shut off after a while. We have no real way of knowing how long he was on the floor before he was found by Korg and his crew.

- How mangey Fenrir looked. I know, i know, he’s been dead for a while, i just thought when he was reborn, he’d look a little less dead.

- Some of Hela’s monologuing. And most of Surtur’s.

Things I have theories about. Or the Internet does

- How Loki made it onto the ship that made it out of Asgard. He goes from releasing Surtur on Asgard in Asgard’s basement to being on the ship….but we never see him actually board the ship. My theory is that he was either able to project himself onto the ship once it began to leave and his real form followed soon afterwards OR the Loki we saw in Asgard’s basement WAS the projection and his magic was strong enough to release Surtur from afar.

- Whose ship was that that appeared in the extra end scene? Internet theories seem to think it’s Thanos’ ship, which makes sense since Loki did kinda cheat him out of the Tesseract. But if that’s what Thanos is after and Asgard is no longer…..perhaps Loki was able to take it with him before releasing Surtur?

If you made it ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE.....YAAAAAY YOU GET A COOKIE AND A HUG!!!

[izzy-b-hands]

So this is an older piece that I was hemming and hawing over posting (I wrote it months back when I first started writing Dethklok fanfic again, so I’m a bit nervous about quality lol.) Finally decided that I like it enough to put it out there, though I worry I fucked up the timeline? Apologies if I did!

Set sometime before the ep where Pickles finally tells his mom to go fuck herself. 

The guys get sick of her calls (after Pickles stops answering) and take their own turn at creatively telling her to fuck off. 

This was therapeutic to write, and that’s all I will say about that.

Skwisgaar’s dethphone rang, discordant over his guitar. He didn’t recognize the number, but picked up. It might be a groupie eager to visit his bed, after all.

“Hellos, this ams Skwisgaar. What do yous wants?” 

“Why won’t Pickles answer my phone calls? I’m his mahm!” Molly shouted so loud he couldn’t keep the phone to his ear. 

He put it on speaker and resumed playing. Maybe if he just let her shout without response, she would hang up. 

“I mean, I need to talk to him, and he won’t answer! You would answer if Serveta called, I’m sure,” she continued. 

That hit a nerve. “Actuallys, I would nots. I don’t have any wants or needs to talks to her.” 

“Oh, so you’re the bad influence on him then!” Molly screamed so loud the speaker crackled. 

He sighed. “Pickles ams busy. I cannot helps yous, so I’m going to hangs up now,” 

“No! You give him a message from me to him, now write this down,” Molly shouted. “Pickles--” 

“Shouldn’t have to puts up with this shits! Leaves him alone, leaves mes alone, how the fucks did you even get my number?” Skwisgaar shouted back. 

“Well, I will be telling Serveta about this little outburst. She didn’t raise you this way, I’m sure,” Molly said. 

“She didn’ts barely raise mes at all; you needs to shuts up and,” he was out of breath, gripping his guitar so hard he swore he heard the neck crack. “And stops callings Pickles! He ams happiers without yous!” 

That shut her up. There was a shocked gasp, then the click of her finally hanging up. 

He played till his fingers bled that night. How Pickles hadn’t told his mother to fuck off yet, he didn’t know--but he might call Serveta and tell her to fuck off. 

Toki liked getting phone calls. Sometimes it was just a wrong number, but then he could talk to new people, tell them all about the models he was working on or if Skwisgaar was being a dick. They usually hung up too quickly to hear much, but he didn’t mind. 

He didn’t like this phone call, however. 

“Hello sweetie. Can you get Pickles for me? He won’t pick up his phone,” Molly’s voice was sickly sweet, it made him feel like he was getting a stomachache. 

“I really can’ts, I’m sorrys,” he said. Pickles would kill him if Toki bothered him over a phone call from his mother. 

“Oh, I see how it is then. You and that...that...I don’t know where he’s from and I don’t care. You’re all bad for Pickles--he’d answer me otherwise!” Molly screeched. 

“Do yous means Skwisgaar? Why’d you calls him firsts?” Toki said. Why did Skwisgaar always have to be first, even for awful bullshit like this?

“Yes! He was very rude, and he should know I’ll be telling Serveta!” Molly said. 

“Oh. I don’t thinks she’ll cares, but okays. He ams from Swedens, by the ways,” Toki said. 

“Euro-trash; I should have known! But you’re different, aren’t you dear? Now, I know you said you can’t get Pickles, but couldn’t you try? You wouldn’t want me to tell Anja about this, would you?” Molly said, her voice back to that disgusting sweetness. 

In earlier years, Toki could admit he might have been swayed. But now this was just irritating--he didn’t want to upset Pickles, and he spent everyday with Pickles, not his mother. Let her and Molly be upset. 

I’m from Norways, so I ams also ‘Euro-trashs’ I guess. And I’m not gettings Pickle for you, so stops askings!” Toki cried. 

Molly yelled something indistinguishable, and Toki hung up. His parents were their own level of awful, yet he couldn’t imagine having grown up with Molly as a mother--did she do anything but screech and demand things? 

“No,” Nathan growled. Molly hadn’t even spoken yet, and she didn’t need to. He knew what she wanted, and he didn’t give a fuck. Fuck her. 

He heard her take a breath. “No, I said no. Do not fucking say a word to me. You are making me waste my breath on this, and I hate you for that. Leave us alone. I know you called Skwisgaar and Toki--don’t fucking do that.” 

“Well, young man I’ll just--” Molly said. 

“No,” Nathan said as he hung up. Pickles was his friend, but fuck the guy’s mom. The fuck was her problem. 

Murderface knew he shouldn’t pick up his phone. Nathan had warned him and for once it actually seemed like a good idea to listen to him. 

He probably shouldn’t have listened to the voicemail, but he did anyway. 

“And your boy won’t even pick up! Nonsense, is what this is. William, I know you’re gonna listen to this, so listen closely! Get me Pickles; I don’t care if you have to force him to call me, make him!” Molly shrieked. 

He looked at his phone, then dropped it into the tank that held his latest pet piranha. He’d been wanting a new dethphone anyway (not that the model ever really changed--they just added or subtracted spikes at random, but still.) 

It was Nathan who gathered them to confront Pickles. 

“I hate this. So much. Your mother is...awful, the worst, but we have to do something. We can’t just keep getting new phones,” Nathan said. 

“Why not? I mean, that’s what we usually do, just like whenever we want so--” Pickles protested. It was weak protest though--his phone was still ringing, and hadn’t stopped for more than a few seconds for the past week. Laying there drunk on the couch was the only activity that allowed him to ignore the ringing. 

“That ams a good point,” Toki admitted. “But I means...someones keeps giving hers our numbers.” 

“Charles found out which klokateer it was. He had him killed but like, my mom emails them all the time to ask about new phone numbers and shit like that. She has this whole email tree thing or something, it sucks,” Nathan grumbled. It really did. It wasn’t metal to have a fucking email list, even if it was just for the band’s family members. 

“If I could make a suggestion?” Charles asked, pushing Pickles gently further down the couch so he could sit down. “Have you told her to go fuck herself?” 

Pickles groaned and reached for a bottle, then groaned louder when he saw it was empty. “I...look--” 

“Fine, I had a feeling you might not be ready for that. I have another idea, but it will require some acting from you all,” Charles said, steepling his hands. 

“Uh, you saw our movie...” Nathan said. The rest of the band nodded shamefully. They didn’t really talk about Blood Ocean anymore, if they could help it. 

“It doesn’t have to be good. In fact, the cheesier the better,” Charles said. 

He led them to the top of Mordhaus, and pulled out his own dethphone after scribbling lines on their hands with a pen. “Just recite everything I wrote down. If I’m correct, this should free you from any phone calls from your mothers for the next six months at least.” 

He turned on the video feature, and motioned for them to start. 

“Uh, I sure am tired of always being attached to my phone,” Nathan said stiffly. “I hate how it keeps me from being with the people around me.” 

“Yes, it ams sads we don’t pays enoughs attention to each others; we ams always on our phones,” Skwisgaar added, reading very visibly off the palm of his hand. 

“Yeah, so we gots to get rids of our phones, at least for a little bits,” Toki said, smiling so widely and fakely it made Charles shudder. The kid could really look like a serial killer when he wanted to--it was a horrifyingly good quality to have in this business, and Toki didn’t even know it. 

“There!” Murderface shouted, and tossed his phone into the air. “Now, I’m free to be with the people that I caresh about. My band isch more important than text meschages.” 

The rest of the boys followed suit, with Pickles offering the wave to camera just as Charles had instructed. 

He finished the video, and sent it quickly to all of the boys’ mothers. The atmosphere of the time had women their age hating technology and how it occupied their children, adult or not. Sure, eventually the women would want to contact their sons again, but first they’d be proud of this, to have proof of their boys being so responsible. They’d show it off to friends, and wouldn’t think till much later as to how they’d contact the boys.

“That was weird. Can we go back inside now?” Nathan asked, rubbing at his hand to get rid of the ink. 

“Yes, go right ahead. You’ll all be left alone for awhile now. Especially you, Pickles,” Charles said. 

Pickles hung back till his bandmates were inside. “You tell anyone about this and I’ll break every lamp in your office, expensive or not.” He rushed Charles into a hug. 

“Oh,” Charles awkwardly patted Pickles’s back. 

“Thank you, I was gonna--look, you know my mahm is fucking awful. Just...thank you,” Pickles whispered, then ran back inside like someone had lit one of the booze cabinets on fire. 

[goodestboyryuji]

Phantom thieves and hogwarts houses GO

YOU JUST MADE MY DAY. HERE WE GO FAM (I’m not finished with the game so since I don’t know much about Haru we’re just gonna go through Futaba)

Starting with my best boy Ryuji Sakamoto IS A HUFFLEPUFF AND THERE IS NO ARGUMENT AGAINST IT. I will accept that Ryuji has Gryffindor qualities (bravery, not afraid of confrontation, risk-taker, etc) but that boy is NOTHING if not LOYAL. Ryuji is sunlight incarnate I will accept no other metaphor. He cares about literally everyone before he cares about himself. He literally offers to be beat up if it would make his old team feel better (pls). He is relationship-driven and his risk-taking behaviors, his confrontations, his passion for justice all come from helping out someone else. Definitely the kinda dude that would consider the house elves in a dire situation. He’s so aggressively selfless that it’s almost like “pls care about yourself first just once.” Ryuji time and time again puts other people before his personal needs and safety without a single second of hesitation. He just DOES it. And he’ll do it fifty times if you need him to. If you call him at 3am crying he’s showing up in your room, sneaking you into the Hufflepuff common room for snacks.  If you don’t have a pencil in class, he’s giving you his without mentioning it’s his only one (s’not like he was gonna do nothin’ with it anyway). You about to head into a fight he’s got no stake in? Doesn’t matter, he’s got your back. He once punched a student for making snide comments about another student’s sexuality and he has no ragrets about it. A blushin’ fool whenever someone is tender towards him cause he’s so busy being that/doing that to everyone else he doesn’t think about being on the receiving end. He’s just happy to make someone else smile, ya know? HE IS KIND. HE IS TRUE. HE IS A HUFFLEPUFF.

Akira Kurusu is 3000% a Slytherin. Dark, mysterious, smug ass mofo. A leader of his in-group (teenagers being the in-group, adults being the out-group) and thus inclusive in the sense that anyone who joins the cause can be a Phantom Thief. Where a Hufflepuff (Ryuji) might do anything for anyone they care about impulsively, a Slytherin pauses for a second, calculating–instead of diving headfirst to save Ryuji in the first palace and ending up with nothing, he hesitates and that’s when Aresene is like “so u gonna let the boy die??” and akira is like “no gimme a second there’s a fucking mask on my face.” His persona is all about MAGIC and DARKNESS if that’s not obvious enough for ya. This boy is snakey sneaky, all cunning eyes and cocky smiles and deep, mocking laughs. He knows he’s powerful and he’s not afraid to show you that he knows it. What’s wrong with knowing your own strength? Let’s not forget he is a master of interrogation. The ultimate trickster, he’s not above pulling dumb pranks on you and blaming it on a Gryffindor for its lack of complexity. He a good dude, tho, because obviously Slytherins aren’t bad. He gives his plant nutrients to make it stronger bc he likes building something up to be more than it started (most ppl would just water it but aiight dude). He’ll casually walk up behind you while you’re getting bullied, sling his arm around your shoulders, and be like “something the matter?” Totally threatening without a single verbal threat. Secretly loves bubble baths, will give you a scathing look if you even try to tease him about it tho. 

Ann Takamaki, Gryffindor extraordinaire. She starts out kinda timid but she’s actually daring af. She keeps a relationship with Kamoshida who is the worst man alive just for her friend’s sake, but she also isn’t afraid to ignore Kamoshida’s calls (hesitant =/= afraid, ok). Fiery af, Ann is liable to go off on you at any time for a bunch of really good reasons (and some just ok). Ryuji, stop being a dick. Akira, enough brooding. Morgana, shut up for once. Just as spirited as Ryuji, but his light is like warmth and hers is like scorching. Like…literally, her specialty is fire these things write themselves i swear to god. Extremely passionate, especially for the things she believes in like The Phantom Thieves, Shiho (obviously), and giving people courage to stand up for themselves. She really wants to prove herself, seen esp in her social link, and be strong for herself and others. She’s headstrong, kind to the little guy, scathing to the big guy. She’s incredibly competitive and gets into eating contests all the time in the Gryf common room (she also wins every time, especially if the food of choice is crepes). She knows she is beautiful, and is thus confident, but avoids being vain by reminding herself how each person she comes across is also beautiful (”pretty eyes, biggest heart”). Feeling insecure? Call Ann, she’ll hype you up in under ten seconds. Spend an hour with her in a crowded room and you’ll swear it was just you two the whole time. Ann is giving, courageous, and ready to fly off the handle if need be. 

Yusuke Kitagawa, my darling painter boy, is a Ravenclaw. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back!!!!! Yusuke is a Ravenclaw through and through. He wants to know more, wants to expand his understanding. He’s not afraid of doing whatever it takes to achieve these things: he’ll spend hours watching the river, waiting for something to come to him, or he’ll awkwardly approach a couple in love and ask them what their love life is like (he needs to know for a painting ok it’s not a sexual thing). He is elegant and fluid and his definition of “the finer things in life” EDIT i’m dying i accidentally wrote “finger things in life” the first time depends on how much he knows about it and how much value he sees in it (for example, a cup of coffee brewed by Akira is one of the most delicious things he’s ever known, much finer than any rich person food, purely for the effort it takes to think of the beans, to make sure the water is the right temperature, etc). Gets lost in his head all the time. Has an understated air of haughty in certain situations, like he’s fully aware he’s better than u but only mentions it to remind you when it seems you’ve forgotten. Uses way too many words to describe a sneeze just because he can.  Yusuke doesn’t give a shit who you are: if you came out to him, he’d nod solemnly and then ask if he could interpret your emotions into an abstract painting (that he would then gift to you, of course). He’d ask you on museum dates, historical bus tour dates (why yusuke why), planetarium dates *cough*, even if things between you two were totally platonic. He just likes discovering, especially with someone he can bounce ideas off of. 

Makoto Nijima is, brace yourself, a Gryffindor. WHAT. yes. trust. Dis girl is POWERFUL. And you can be Ravenclaw and powerful too, no doubts about it, but just because she’s top of her class doesn’t mean she’s Ravenclaw. She studies cause she’s competitive. She’s student council president because she likes the status, the power associated with it (power to protect, to serve, not corrupt power). Makoto is also fiery like Ann, but in a different way. She doesn’t fly off the handle like Ann can; Makoto calculates first, strategizes, and then fuckin’ GOES FOR THE KILL. She’s a headshot kinda girl–take em out simply, easily, quickly (metaphorically speaking obvs she doesn’t go around killing ppl). Queen is a very apt codename because Makoto’s path is a fiery blaze of ambition and strength. She’s gonna get what she wants because she’s been working very hard for it and don’t u take that away from her u piece of shit. She’s not terribly confident though, and this sometimes makes her feel uncomfortable in the Gryf common room when everyone is talking about their achievements. She’d rather just show than tell. Not really a master of stealth (lol), Makoto is your big sister in the hallways always looking out for you. If someone breaks your heart she will literally punch them in the face (and apologize profusely afterwards, but you know she’s secretly p pleased with herself). She likes learning new things about the world, always turns it into a competition with you even if it pushes her boundaries (you two went to a strip club once and even though you put a dollar on the stage, she one-upped you by putting it in a thong, face blushing so hard but determined to overcome). Her drive and determination are her biggest, most redeemable, wonderful qualities. The rest is just the happy byproduct. 

Snarky is as Slytherin does for Futaba Sakura. This girl is a nightmare in all the best ways. Somehow she figures out your weakness just by looking at you and has the ability to absolutely destroy you in just a few words. What she doesn’t show is the literal hours of research she did on you beforehand: she bugged your robe, your wand, set up a camera in your common room…a girl’s gotta have intel, alright? Futaba is an actual mastermind of everything, but the Hat settled on Slytherin because of how Futaba intended to utilize such knowledge. She doesn’t love it for the sake of knowing it, she loves it for what power it gives her. Futuba loves the upper hand and having full view of the whole picture, so Slytherin’s innate ability to lead a situation and turn tables was a huge calling point for her. If Akira is the dark mysterious Slytherin, Futaba is the loud and out of control Slytherin who nobody messes with because she’s got dirt on everyone and the means to release it widely. She prefers to stay in her room than gather with her house or other classmates, often completing assignments from there, but no one minds because it’s not like she’s really gone. She conjures up stand ins for her and speaks through them, engaging without really engaging. Watch out for when Akira and Futaba team up tho–they’re the Slytherin version of Fred and George, conniving and ruthless when it comes to playing tricks on you. Like Akira, she’s still a good girl: she understands anxiety better than anyone and is well known for comforting students who fall into a panic attack. She struggles with social situations sometimes and no one makes mention of it, this time not because they’re afraid of her but because they care about her and they know she’d never cross a line with them, so why cross one with her? She just likes to wield information like a weapon. That’s all. >:)

I forgot Morgana lmao so you can find that here