#and also i'm the one living my life so i can see that already for myself

[waynes-multiverse]

Gaaawwwd, I'm loving this, Beth! 😭🩵🩷 The nostalgia!!! The boys when they were little! (Fucking hell is Sammy cute and precious 😭🥹 and my heart breaks for little Dean who's already hell-bent on hunter life 💔). And then damn Bobby being the perfect foster dad for these two! And Rufus! Rufus had me fucking cackling with his commentary and sheer presence 😂

God, this was so amazing! Favorite parts and thoughts below 👇

“I don’t,” Bobby said. But just as Dean didn’t realise the significance of you in his life at the time, Bobby hadn’t realised the boys in his either.

This made me tear up a little! Just makes you wish Bobby could’ve been their dad full time 🥲

But Dean only shrugged, still defiant he should’ve been out there with his father.

Oh God, Beth! Stop it! My heart can’t take it 😭 This is one of the moments where you just want to wrap your arms around him and tell him that it doesn't have to be this way. That he doesn't have to be this way 🥲

Did he have to give these kids the bird and the bees talk, too? Hell no, he wasn’t!

Yes. Yes please do! 🤣

“No!” Dean lost his chin to his neck. “She’s my friend, and she’s a girl.”

So fucking cute. I wanna pinch his dimpled cheeks 😆

What was your name? Dean couldn’t answer that because he didn’t know. You were a girl, you’d been nice to him, and you didn’t like orange juice. That was the extent of it. You’d played your game after that. The one where he chased you, and you ran, much like what hunters did. Only, you weren’t a monster, and he didn’t hunt.

Lmao typical kid shit. "You wanna play?" – *shrugs* "Sure!" And off the fucking go 😂🫶 Why is it never this easy with adults?

I loved all the little kid tidbits you wove in there btw! Like Dean also saying he knows Uncle Bobby isn't related to them. I heard it in that sweet, cocky "I'm old enough to know shit now. You can't fool me anymore" voice 😆

Or this 👇

Of course, to a nine-year-old, “You like Batman?” was far more important.

Both Winchester boys had a chance at normal life. Well, semi-normal due to the talismans and arsenal in his basement.

Why do you aim to maim my heart, Beth???? 😭💔

The air was warm when they stepped outside. As Dean always did, he put the needs of his baby brother first, pulling off the four-year-olds jacket, then tying it ‘round his waist.

He's such a good brother and he would've deserved to be a dad!!!! Dear God, Beth, stop it. I'm begging you. This is torture for my poor heart!

And as a side note, Dean really is doing a good job here, considering the kid is only nine and four year olds ain't easy to please and keep track of 😝

Whirs. Dings. Whistles. The electronic piano jingles and a rocking soundtrack that tried its best to overcome everything else greeted you when the tinted glass doors rattled open. Lights, as far as the eye could see, of neon pinks, greens and blues and a carpet, littered with stains of mud and grass from the other kids already there, matched all that was overhead and surrounding.

God, I loved this description! You really took me there and hooked me right in! Loved how you wove in all the colors, too 😍🩷🩵

With a huff, and one eye on you both at all times, Dean jogged over to the change machine by the door and swapped his money for quarters. You guys were the worst. Annoying. Impatient. Yet the way you grabbed the chair for Sam, and held it steady for him while he climbed up, had Dean’s nose buzzing again.

I can just so see little Dean with his little huffs and eye rolls whenever they annoyed him hahaha 😂

And that nose buzzing thing is so cute! Is that a thing? I've never heard of it before or heard a kid describe feelings at that. But it's adorable that his little crush on her shows this way and he notices it 🥰

And fuck yes, gimme 1997!!!!! I'm living for this!! 😍😍😍

IF YOU LEAVE

Chapter 1: Pretty in Pink

Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist

Dean Winchester x Reader

In the spring of 1988, Dean meets the girl of his dreams. He just doesn’t know it yet. 2k words

Tags: fluff, angst, young Sam and Dean, slow(ish) burn romance, childhood sweethearts, friends to lovers, 80s, 90s, season three, spans three decades, eventual smut, Rufus - crotchety at any age

@chevroletdean is celebrating 500 followers with a writing challenge! Liane made the beautiful mood-board above for me to work with. You can find more about the Milestone Celebration HERE. I’m gonna try and finish this before the 18th, but consider this chapter my piece for the challenge 😘

Next Chapter

April 1988

The first time Dean saw you was in third grade, Mrs Petersen’s class, but it wasn’t until during recess on the second day that you spoke. Your hair in pigtails, him with dirt on his knees, and a simple exchange over a juice box, because you were yet to learn how to filter.

At that point, as children often do, you didn’t think to ask for each other’s names, and when both boys walked through Bobby’s front door that afternoon, and he asked “How was school? Did you talk t’any other kids today?” He got a smile and a grunt as both boys ran up the stairs to their room.

“That great, huh?” He scratched his forehead under his cap, and went back to the kitchen to continue supper, and the hex bag he was making up for Rufus. The idjit had shown up on his doorstep earlier that day.

“I thought you didn’t have any Rugrats?” Rufus thumbed to the hall he’d come out of. A bottle of Jack in the other.

“I don’t,” Bobby said. But just as Dean didn’t realise the significance of you in his life at the time, Bobby hadn’t realised the boys in his either.

Dinner was simple that night. Bobby wasn’t a chef, but he was determined to give the Winchester boys something normal for once in their young lives. It’s why he’d enrolled them in the local school in the first place. Bought them bags and shoes. New clothes for Sammy because Dean’s hand-me-downs were far too big for the little tyke.

He’d even taken them to a barber, somewhere he never took himself, and signed Dean up for the school lunch program.

Yeah, he was growing soft. Lucky he had Rufus to point out the fact further with his outright stares and grins.

He was just doing a good deed. Looking after the future. Wasn’t that a part of being regular folk? Never mind the lady ringing up his groceries at the supermarket had frowned at him when he didn’t have a valid excuse for why they weren’t at school that day or two days before that.

Balls. That’s what it was. And he’d kick Rufus’ if he were close enough to reach with his boot.

Comments about him getting old, also balls. If Rufus was dumb enough to keep hounding him, he deserved a gun to his sack. Don’t worry ‘bout his steel caps.

He cleared his throat. Took a swig of beer and then settled his eyes on Dean. The kid was a smartass, but he was respectable, and had to open up, eventually. “So, did you learn anything today?” he asked. Tried to force a smile onto his face.

But Dean only shrugged, still defiant he should’ve been out there with his father.

“Well, what about your teacher? What’s her name?” He knew she was a she from the paperwork, Mrs Peters, or something like that. He just didn’t bother to remember in front of Rufus.

It didn’t matter though, because Dean shrugged again and shoveled another bite of meatloaf into his mouth.

Kids.

“My teacher is Miss Reeves,” young Sam piped up. Kid was smart for a four-year-old.

“Yeah? And what’d you do with her?” It’d been a long time since Bobby had graduated high school. Had no idea what kids in preschool did, besides the ABCs, he supposed. “Did you, ah,” he looked at Rufus for guidance, but the idjit had none. “Did you colour…or…sing a song?”

“I used blue, and red, and green for the grass I draws.” Sam beamed.

Okay… “That’s great, kid,” Bobby said.

Rufus downed another shot of Jack. The glass, sharp against the table when he hammered it onto the linoleum top. “Real great.” His tongue clicked. “What about you Dean? You colour, too?”

But when Dean said nothing, “Didn’t think so,” tumbled outta Rufus’ mouth.

“You could’ve given him a chance to answer.”

“Didn’t need to. He’s not gonna. Look at him.” Rufus swiped his hand out in front. His brow raised when Dean opened his mouth, though, and then he looked interested.

“I met a girl,” he said, resorting back to his former slouching when he noticed both men frozen and staring at him.

It was the loudest he’d spoken since living under Bobby’s roof. The first time he’d shown emotion other than attitude, and Bobby couldn’t help but smile. Until he thought harder about the issue.

Did he have to give these kids the bird and the bees talk, too? Hell no, he wasn’t!

His fingers scratched through his beard. That smile of his fell to a thin, pursed line. Bit of teeth spiking through the gap.

“A girl, huh? Like a girlfriend?”

“No!” Dean lost his chin to his neck. “She’s my friend, and she’s a girl.”

Simple. Obvious. Bobby felt the fool. Until he asked the all important question.

“What’s her name?”

What was your name?

Dean couldn’t answer that because he didn’t know. You were a girl, you’d been nice to him, and you didn’t like orange juice. That was the extent of it. You’d played your game after that. The one where he chased you, and you ran, much like what hunters did. Only, you weren’t a monster, and he didn’t hunt.

Not allowed to. Too young to do anything more than babysit Sammy and stay with Uncle Bobby.

He knew they weren’t related.

When he stepped into the classroom the next morning, books in hand, his eyes swept the room. No, he wasn’t interested in the US map, or the globe in the corner. He didn’t care that Mrs Petersen was scribbling sums on the board ready for the day’s lessons or for the tall boy with the extra tires whose farts created a war zone as he walked through the dust cloud.

No. He focused on you. Hair once again in pigtails, hot pink t-shirt and matching nails, which he thought little of because it was all too…girly, but then you smiled at him and his nose tingled as a result.

“Hi Dean,” you even said, and it was all he could do to not smile back as he took his seat in the row behind you and the Bat-signal drawn onto your right heel.

He needed to learn your name.

Of course, to a nine-year-old, “You like Batman?” was far more important. He asked you that when he sat down next to you at lunch that same day. The pale green plastic of his lunch-tray, just fitting in between yours and the boy’s to his left.

Your look of disgust was apparent even from your side profile, and unlike his smile, Dean couldn’t hold back his laughter when you turned. Not only did you spit out the word, “No,” but a sliver of strawberry jello came with it.

You wiped at your chin and poked your tongue out, which made him laugh harder.

“I like Michelangelo more, but my brother says he’s stupid.” Your head and eyes dropped to look under the table. “Didn’t like it when I told him the Ninja Turtles would beat Batman up.”

“Well, Leonardo might,” Dean said, and you frowned. “With his help,” he added.

His nose tingled again.

There was lots of that over the course of the week and the one that followed. Dean learned your name, and that your mom’s middle one was Mary - it only took a couple of extra days - but from the moment you bonded over your favourite cartoons, the two of you became inseparable, and Bobby was pleased.

Both Winchester boys had a chance at normal life. Well, semi-normal due to the talismans and arsenal in his basement.

And while Rufus refused to show his face again, as long as Sam and Dean lived under his roof, Bobby didn’t mind. He rather enjoyed that. But it didn’t stop other hunters and their problems from showing up on his doorstep, and on one particular Saturday morning after hearing from Bill Harvellle, he dug deep into his wallet for a couple of dollar bills and handed them to Dean.

“Why don’t you take your brother and that friend of yours to the arcade or somethin’,” he said, then narrowed his brows at the boy. “Call the house line ‘round five. Make sure it’s safe to come home.”

Dean took the money and shoved it in his front pocket. “Yes, sir.” He nodded once, and then grabbed Sammy by the hand and pulled him to the door.

The air was warm when they stepped outside. As Dean always did, he put the needs of his baby brother first, pulling off the four-year-olds jacket, then tying it ‘round his waist. He did the same with his and they were off. Sam on the handlebars of the bike Bobby had fixed up for them, Dean peddling with all his might into town.

It was hard work, and by the time they reached your house, he was out of breath, but it was worth it to feel the wind in his hair.

Cheeks puffed, neck hot and sweaty under the collar of his T-shirt, he knocked on your front door with a tight fist, and took a step back.

The dark wooden floorboards creaked underneath his sneakers. Footsteps from the other side moved closer, and he was soon met with your grinning smile and a bright pink scrunchie in your hair.

He scrunched his nose up, but that turned upside down when he saw the Ninja Turtle action figures in your hands.

“Hi Dean,” you said, peeking around him to look at Sam standing next to their bike. “You guys wanna come in and play?”

But they didn’t. Just as Bobby had suggested, Dean had other plans, and after checking in with your mom, the three of you headed to the local arcade.

Whirs. Dings. Whistles. The electronic piano jingles and a rocking soundtrack that tried its best to overcome everything else greeted you when the tinted glass doors rattled open. Lights, as far as the eye could see, of neon pinks, greens and blues and a carpet, littered with stains of mud and grass from the other kids already there, matched all that was overhead and surrounding.

Sammy clung to Dean even tighter. His little hands tugged on the base of his shirt. While on the other side of him, your face reflected the excitement hammering up his legs.

Until this stage in his young life, Dean had only been to an arcade once. The lucky timing of a classmate’s birthday party at a different school he spent all of two weeks in, well before being dumped here at Bobby’s.

That place was awesome, but this? It was awesome, too. There was just something about not being accompanied by adults that made it better.

Pacman and Donkey Kong called his name. Q-Bert, whatever the hell that was supposed to be. Space Invaders. Pin-ball and claw machines.

“Look! They have a Ninja Turtles one!” You pointed towards the back where a large machine plastered with their now fluorescent green faces stood out amongst the rest. “C’mon Sammy.” You grabbed the youngest boy’s hand and ripped him away from Dean.

“Hey, wait,” he called, but under all the noise, it was a lost cause.

With a huff, and one eye on you both at all times, Dean jogged over to the change machine by the door and swapped his money for quarters. You guys were the worst. Annoying. Impatient. Yet the way you grabbed the chair for Sam, and held it steady for him while he climbed up, had Dean’s nose buzzing again.

His nose buzzed like that every time he saw you. Playing games, eating lunch in the cafeteria. Riding your bikes through the streets of Sioux Falls, side by side, that same wind in your hair.

It’s just a shame it didn’t last long.

Never did.

Sam and Dean Winchester flew through towns as many times as there were months in the year, sometimes more. The Spring of ‘88 a rarity. Their stint at the local school and preschool, even rarer, and one soon forgotten.

Until 1997 when Dean found himself enrolling at another school in Sioux Falls.

He didn’t know the significance of that either, but he soon would. You’d make him.

Next Chapter

Am I shooting myself in the foot by releasing this part when I haven’t finished the rest? Probably, but I’m used to it. We’ll be diving into three stages in Dean and readers life in this one - up next - 1997.

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[rainbowsky]

Hi RBS! I felt very moved and inspired by their individual stories and their love. So much that it’s given me more motivation in my own life, hoping to develop some of the amazing qualities I see in them. To be able to put in the dedication and work to be the best you can be, to fight for your passions and your person, and to pick yourself up after failure when you need to without letting it break you – that’s very much a person I’d like to be.

So I wanted to ask: Have they/their relationship inspired you in your on life?

Hi blah-bla-blah!

Far be it from me to answer a fun, simple question with a fun, simple answer! 😅

Thanks for the question, I hope you're well! You're right, those are good qualities to have, and I'm glad you've been inspired to become a better version of yourself.

I think this is an interesting question for every turtle to ponder. Not only is it fun/valuable to reflect on how GG and DD have inspired us, but I think it's equally important to have some self-reflection around what we get out of fandom and out of following them.

It's easy to get caught up in fandom and in beautiful pictures and exciting stories and lose sight of where we are in all of this.

I want to be a better person and live a better life, and I equally want to make sure I'm not doing anything harmful or losing sight of what's important both as an individual and as a fan.

So here's the honest truth on that.

The good

On a personal level, GG and DD have had a huge impact on my life and on my perspective. Most of that impact has been due to who they are, where they're from and what they create rather than anything to do with their relationship or 'their love'.

Yes, like most turtles I find GG and DD's devotion to each other and their incredible alignment and rapport with each other very unique, sweet and even entertaining - especially their bickering in multiple languages and through cryptic references - but that's not by any means the biggest impact they've had on me.

Probably because I define 'impacts' as 'factors that have changed something fundamentally about me or my life'.

Here are some of the most positive impacts:

Expanding my horizons

Since becoming a fan of GG and DD I've noticed that my world and my mind have expanded dramatically on multiple fronts. I have been inspired to dig deeply into Chinese social and political topics, history, culture, queer issues, human rights, etc. and I've become a bit of a scholar on all of that (and by 'scholar' I mean 'someone who strives to learn as much as possible' not 'someone who knows a lot').

And I have learned a lot about China and many topics as they pertain to China, but by extension I've also learned a lot more about that entire region of the world - the political, social and historical realities, the cities and geography, the languages and cultures, the landscape of queer rights, queer acceptance and queer culture, etc. And as someone who was already interested in Asian countries and cultures, it's been humbling to realize how little I actually knew/know.

It has enriched my life immeasurably to have these topics become a deep interest of mine.

Fan fiction

Another really great thing that's come out of my interest in GG and DD is that I've developed an appreciation for and an interest in fan fiction - which has in turn enriched my life in so many ways:

It's given me a new perspective on remixing culture and a newfound respect and admiration for one of the most maligned and marginalized art forms on the planet. I strongly feel most of the hate fanfic gets comes directly out of misogyny as channelled through the more socially acceptable vectors of queerphobia/kinkphobia. I can't help but compare remix culture in male-dominated musical spaces with remix culture in female-dominated fandom and literary spaces, and look critically at how differently they are treated in our society. How differently they are valued, perceived and discussed.

It has given me an entirely new insight into writing and into how to improve writing. Almost all the published material that exists in the world is heavily edited and highly polished, so that we're rarely put in a position to be exposed to a lot of amateur writing. Reading so much amateur - often somewhat raw - writing has enabled me to get a much fuller picture of the structures of storytelling and of what works and doesn't work for me, which has had a positive impact on my writing and on my attitude toward storytelling.

Reading a broad range of stories has really opened my mind about a lot of things I used to have a bit of a closed-minded attitude about. ABO, for example, used to creep me out. Now I find the ways this genre examines and subverts social structures extremely interesting and compelling (although there are still limits to my appreciation of the genre).

I've also learned more about myself and my kinks through reading fan fiction. I have had the occasional moment of self-discovery from reading stories that feature so many different relationships and dynamics, and that go to so many unique lengths to explore and subvert social and sexual norms. This is part of why I feel so strongly that the exploration people do via reading and writing fanfic is deeply important, even if authors and readers don't always set out to have a 'meaningful journey' when they write/read a particular story. And once an interest has been sparked, there are dozens, hundreds - in some cases even thousands - of stories to be found that explore or examine that angle/topic.

One good example of this is just the idea of romantic/sweet stories in general. I have never been particularly interested in such things. I consider myself to be pretty unromantic. I'm not even much of a romcom guy. My partner likes romcoms, and I generally just 'tolerate' them when he puts one on. If someone told me prior to getting into this fandom that one day I'd spend a lot of time reading romance stories I would have thought they were trolling me, but here I am voraciously reading about how a cafe barista meets a graphic designer and falls in love, or getting excited about the new ER doctor/single dad music teacher story or whatever. 😅

It has also given me an entire community of interesting people to connect with (and a whole new language/way of connecting) that I previously had no idea existed.

The vast majority of the fan fiction I read is WangXian fan fic, but I never in a million years would have started reading fan fic at all if it weren't for GG and DD and my interest in them.

Putting myself out there

I've talked a bit about this in the past, but blogging has been somewhat rehabilitative for me. I tend to keep to myself a lot and I don't generally put myself out there in a public way. IRL I'm quite private and even withdrawn. My interest in GG and DD has given me a venue for being more socially open without making me feel too socially unsafe.

As a result I've made a lot of new friends and I've been able to share my ideas in ways I've never been able to before. Especially on topics like this. I just can't imagine myself ever talking openly about some of the topics I talk about on my blog - particularly some of the topics that are stigmatized or considered to be 'feminine' topics - prior to getting into this fandom.

And because I've been discussing and sharing these topics for so many years, I've become much more comfortable with and open to discussing them IRL. Some of them, anyway. It's progress.

I've also discovered that there are ways to feel socially comfortable, confident and safe in the world. This is huge for me. As an autistic/ADHD queer person I have often felt uncomfortable in social situations, worried about whether I will be misunderstood or put my foot in my mouth. Here I've found people who have a lot of the same issues, and I've mostly been accepted for who I am (although of course I've also had a lot of hate thrown at me).

I've always had 'special interests', but I've rarely ever been able to fully explore them and share them with others. Tumblr has given me a platform/venue to do that, and it's made a huge difference to my life and to my self-acceptance around being different and around having deep interests that others find strange.

Overall, having this blog and sharing these interests has been a massive positive force in my life.

Self-acceptance

Another thing that GG and DD have given me is a better perspective on my own limitations and self-expectations. While a lot of fans say GG and DD inspire them to strive for more, achieve more, etc. - and they do for me as well to some degree - the bigger impact is that they remind me that not everyone is going to be a superstar, and that's OK.

GG and DD have both had support, opportunity and options that I simply didn't have and never will have. I talked about this in a bit more detail in an ask response back in 2020.

Given where I came from and the background I had my achievements are practically miraculous, but they're also very modest. When I look at GG and DD I remind myself of that, and I am able to be more forgiving and accepting toward myself for my perceived shortcomings and limitations.

There are other self-acceptance aspects to this as well. For example, I have always had an attachment to plushies. It's something that I just can't explain and have always been very ashamed and embarrassed about. I always have a favored plushie and I can't get to sleep without one, ever since I was a very small child.

Seeing GG in his airport photos many years ago, he would always be carrying a plushie. He also often had plushies around him in the video diaries that he would post. That meant a lot to me, and helped me heal some of the embarrassment and shame I have had throughout my life.

There are other things like this, often little things that have made me feel like it's okay to do this or it's okay to be that way. Some bigger things as well.

How about DD and his blunt honesty? This is something that I have been maligned for throughout my life. When I was a little little kid, my mother used to warn people who came to the house, "Be careful, he says what he thinks!"

Throughout my life, especially considering that I have been different from other people in ways that I can't always hide or fly under the radar about, there has frequently been a pitchfork-wielding sort of mob attitude toward how I express myself. I have often been misunderstood, singled out and demonized for simply being an honest person.

I see that this happens a lot to DD as well. People, especially people who are negatively predisposed to him for one reason or another, frequently interpret him as rude, or disrespectful, or savage. It's heartbreaking, because he's such a deeply respectful, kind-hearted person.

I cannot possibly overstate how much I treasure this about him, his personality and the way he expresses himself. I have felt like a horrible person for so long, and watching him makes me see myself through another lens and realize that I'm not that horrible person I've been taught to think of myself as.

So yeah, there are some personal ways that watching them has led to self-acceptance that I never thought I would find.

Other artists

Being a fan of GG and DD has exposed me to a lot of artists actors, musicians, etc that I would never have otherwise learned about. Some of whom are a huge inspiration to me in their own right (Seungyoun, Zhou Shen and Ayunga immediately come to mind).

This has been a huge blessing to my life. I feel so grateful for all of the new artists and creators that I have discovered through my love of GG and DD.

Turtles

Of course I cannot fail to mention all of the ways in which turtles inspire me. They are such a fun, humorous, mostly humble and sweet group of people. So much incredible creativity and so many people who are full of love and enthusiasm. All of the great works of charity that are done in GG and DD's names as well. Their ingenuity and cleverness and wit. C-turtles especially can be truly brilliant and hilarious in ways that are often totally new to me.

And turtles have brought this fascinating language of clownery, fake rumors, detective work and insightfulness that I find so enjoyable to be a part of.

The dolls. Let's not forget the dolls. I never would have thought that I would be interested in dolls at this stage in my life, but I absolutely love all of the dolls and the little outfits and the fictional GGDD offspring, Zhanbi and Bobi, all of pairings of all of their drama characters... It is all just so much fun to be a part of.

Turtles and GGDD have also helped me to get through some of the most difficult times of my entire life. Through deaths of people close to me, through a freaking pandemic, through wars and disasters and climate change and political horrors, through some pretty deep personal lows. I feel so grateful to have had GG and DD and all of my friends and fellow turtles who have helped me survive all this darkness, and who have shared a lot of the brightest moments with me.

The bad (and grey)

Like I just said, as a ND person I tend to get immersed in special interests, and while this fandom and this blog have mostly been a positive way for me to do that, there has been a downside to it. I spend a lot of time with these topics - not just GG and DD but all the topics that have sparked my interest via this fandom: Chinese/Asian politics and queer rights, fandom topics, fan fiction, etc. etc. - and this exploration inevitably happens at the expense of some of my other goals and interests.

I used to spend a lot of time on creative projects, for example, but it's been ages since I've worked on any projects, and even longer since I've finished one. There is only so much time in a day, and every hour I spend with fandom interests is an hour I don't have for something else.

It has also at times negatively impacted my relationships, and I've been actively trying to prioritize them more, which means even more sacrifices of other things.

That's why sometimes you'll see me be very active here, and other times I will be much less active. It's why I can start posts but have a hard time finishing them (my drafts folder is shocking, trust me - you'd be genuinely shocked at how many lengthy posts, reviews, years old ask responses, etc. that are nearly finished but not ready to publish).

I'm not great at finding balance with things like this, and I struggle to keep organized and focused, especially when I have outside demands being made of me that conflict with some of my other interests.

Anyone who's read my blog knows that I can be preachy at times. I'm aware of that, and I actively try not to be so tedious.

But I'm also a bit preachy in my life outside fandom, toward people who say and believe ridiculous shit about China/Chinese people. There's so much Sinophobic propaganda hammered into everyone in the West, it's appalling. I have always been intolerant of any whiff of racism or xenophobia in myself and those around me, but since becoming a fan of GG and DD I've become somewhat of an unapologetic asshole about these things.

I just get so sick of hearing anti-China commentary, I have no patience for it at all. NO, I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a China cheerleader. I'm actually pretty brutally critical of China on many levels - particularly of the CCP - and I cringe when I hear naive people parrot CCP propaganda. But it's kind of alarming how uncritically people accept what they are told about people and situations they know nothing about.

And yeah, on some levels this is a really good thing. People should be challenged on their incorrect or harmful ideas. But overall it's added some friction and conflict to my life that wasn't there before.

It's also fucked up my sleep a lot. As an insomniac and as an autistic person I need a very consistent sleep schedule - ideally one that aligns with the sleep/wake schedule of those around me - or a lot of bad things will happen for me.

Insomnia tends to have a snowball effect in my life, and if I don't get enough sleep one night it's twice as hard to get sleep the next night, and so on and so on. That in turn has a big negative impact on my ability to handle stress and overstimulation, to focus, to stay organized, etc..

Being a fan of Chinese superstars has mercilessly fucked with this on a regular basis. It's pretty hard to stick to a healthy sleep schedule when I'm following events that are happening in a distant time zone. I've become a lot better with this lately, but again - that comes at a sacrifice. When I'm getting 8 hours of sleep a night instead of 3, those hours have to come from somewhere.

The ugly

I have become a target for hate in ways that are often really hard to avoid. This is somewhat inevitable. Anyone who puts themselves out there in any way - no matter how well-intended - will find themselves the target of hate and harassment from someone somewhere.

And it just so happens that there are some features of this fandom that make it a particularly compelling target for some people. The fact that it's a fandom, the fact that it involves queer topics, the fact that it involves real people, the fact that there are rivalries, the fact that it involves discussing ideas some people might find challenging or offensive. The fact that so much of it is a matter of opinion, and I am daring to express mine.

And being targeted is difficult for me. I grew up being viciously bullied throughout my life. People used to call me names, throw stuff at me, spread hateful lies about me, even physically attack me, right from childhood into adulthood. Being different - especially where I was from - was not acceptable, and I was different in so many visible ways.

So while I've gotten much better at handling this kind of thing (and that should really be added to the 'good' list above), it isn't without its harms. Closing my anonymous inbox has massively improved things, but haters will unfortunately always be a fixture as long as I continue in this fandom.

Another impact that falls in the 'ugly' category for me is the fact that I almost never read non-fandom content anymore. I used to voraciously read literature and a wide range of non-fiction books, at a very high volume. I rarely do anymore. When I read it's usually fan fiction or else something fandom-related. I feel this has rotted my brain a bit, let's be real.

However, as I said before, fan fiction and this fandom in general has enriched my life in a lot of positive ways, so it's not all bad. But it does bother me.

It's just the way my brain is wired - it has become much harder for me to get into things that aren't directly related to my interests. I also find that fan fiction feels safe and soothing - something that I often need as a trauma survivor, autistic/ADHD person, etc.

I have to regularly evaluate where I am with all of this, and make adjustments to ensure I've got time for IRL commitments, 'regular' reading/viewing topics, etc. and that balance is not always easy.

What about love?

This is what a lot of turtles talk about when it comes to GG and DD, and I suppose it does apply to me here. They've definitely had an impact on how I view romance, and my own relationship.

I guess I could say I've become more patient and less complacent. I look at our disagreements more affectionately as bickering, and don't read too much into them or let them fester. I take more notice of our compatibilities and accomplishments.

I've always been the sort of person who needs/expects independence in a relationship. A relationship is always made up of individuals. I believe that two people who foster each other's independence and individuality are going to thrive and maintain their interest/satisfaction with each other better than those who focus unduly on the 'relationship' as some sort of third party entity.

It inspires me when I see GG and DD doing what I perceive to be the same thing. They're out there taking their own paths and doing their own things, while supporting and appreciating each other and sharing all the ways in which they're compatible. That's what a truly healthy relationship looks like IMHO.

I've always been this way myself, but watching GG and DD makes me appreciate it more than I used to. It also makes me want to protect and preserve that aspect of myself and my relationship, because I can see how important it is to a truly companionable, loving connection.

I think of DD saying, "Miss me later" and I laugh, because that's exactly how I am (yet according to GG he's 'more clingy than Jianguo' 😅). I think it's possible to go out in the world and live your life as an individual, while sharing a private internal world with someone you love. To me that's the ideal.

Some of the best for last

One of the biggest and best impacts GG and DD have had on me has come through their creative works. I can't overstate how much I love and appreciate the work they do. Especially their music, and for DD, his dance (although their acting projects have also been great to watch and follow).

It's often a source of frustration for me that the projects that have impacted me the most are the ones that I struggle to write about on my blog. With the exception of Stand Up and some other bits and pieces here and there, I don't think I've ever been able to fully articulate my feelings about the projects that have touched me the most.

I have a huge long post still in my drafts about Like the Sunshine. That is a song and dance performance that can't even re-watch or re-listen to because it hits me so hard. The song came out years ago and I still haven't finished that post.

Similarly, Hidden Blade was so inspiring to me in how DD tackled that role and really brought his character to life. I was completely blown away by that performance.

WM hit me like a freight train, and I really want and intend to write a full and thorough review of the entire album and all of the video content (and the physical album if/when it ever arrives), but I haven't been able to even make a proper start.

I also have so many feelings and thoughts about the career choices they have been making, especially DD, who I could not be prouder of. I have written a bit about some of that, but I haven't even hit the tip of the iceberg of how much it all inspires me.

All I can say is, I'm here because I get something very important out of following them and out of sharing my thoughts and feelings about them. They both mean a hell of a lot to me, and I have a lot of fun and learn a lot of new things and see a lot of new perspectives that inspire me through being a fan of theirs.

I also just really appreciate all of you who read and engage with my blog, and who interact with me - whether to challenge me or praise me, either is fine. I just really value that a lot. I feel inspired by the ideas people share with me and by the opportunity to (hopefully) contribute in some way to a positive fandom experience for others.

And I have a few very close friends here who mean the world to me. I truly treasure all of them.

I could go on and on. This is a question that sparks a lot of thoughts and feelings.

I know this has gotten very long-winded, and I will understand if 90% of you have not gotten far enough to read this sentence, but to all of you (whether you got this far or not), thanks so much.

May we all continue to enjoy everything that GG and DD have brought into our lives, and all the ways that they have brought us together. 💛.

I would love it if my readers could share some of the ways that GG and DD and turtles have inspired you. I'd love to hear some of your stories!

There is a somewhat related post about how I deal with people's reactions IRL to my interest in fandom, which you can find here.

[alexanderlightweight]

Work absolutely sucks right now. Micromanagement from corporate to a whole new level, and I'm so tired and feel like I'm being gaslit. And no matter how much I try to boost their spirits, my staff have already shed some tears from the stress. Hell, I want to cry sometimes.

So, for Writing Wednesday? Something fun?

Maybe happy Malec in Tethers of Fate (which I adore even if it didn't get enough love in your poll), either while Magnus was wooing Alec at the Spiral Labyrinth or after they're wed?

Or indulgent Malec in Taste of Your Magic. I love Dragon!Alec and Cat!Magnus and navigating their cultural differences. And something about Alec doing everything he can to stay in Magnus' presence is just lovely and cozy.

Or domestic Bitter Trap of Truth. There is something almost silly fun about Magnus being paranoid while Alec is just living his best life bc he gets to indulge in his pretty husband.

I think I would prefer NSFW but I will be just as happy with SFW if that's not what you're feeling like.

Thank you 💙

okay so, that sounds absolutely like a completely and total fucking nightmare. and It sounds like you're trying to keep it together for everyone around you who are barely holding on, while also trying to hold on but having to be the strong one. and if you feel like you're being gaslit then you're probably being gaslit. is there someone you know who has your back you can present the situation to? someone who can be protective of you (because that is important, it makes up for the works lack of protection) and look at something somewhat objectively?

because in a position like a job where work often doesn't care about the workers, please remember to add a little extra to your 'i'm allowed these boundaries' since you need to compensate for what work should but doesn't do. I really hope things get better because no one should be going through that and its awful that you're having to both go through it and protect others going through it but also good job for trying to protect others because that is wonderful and you're doing amazing even when it feels like it's not enough! okay! you're trying your damned best!!

oh gosh, I promise I was teasing about the pole! I was surprised because i've had a lot of prompts concerning it, but it also made sense because pray to the hunters is pretty intensely loved even though I thought it would be pretty out of everyones comfort zone. I love to be wrong in these scenarios tho. but also tethers is a pretty domestic fic so far and I think that influences things because less intrigue in some ways?

i'm connecting dots like I know what i'm doing but there may not even be a picture lol

um I promise that this is happy. Magnus and Alec have a mutually teasing slightly not actually antagonistic flirtationship going on in this verse before they settle domestically. but also Alec is very much a brat in this fic. also he knows he's a brat but also he was kind of spoiled as a kid and he's fine with it. so like when Alec seems like a yowling cat he's actually pretty fucking pleased

Magnus adores his brat and doesn't mind the bratting but also he has goals. because otherwise Magnus might not ever see alec again once he leaves.

uhm NSFW and kinky blowjobs with blood kink and claiming and marking and shit, 3DNE probably knowing how I write

I hope you enjoy <3 which always feels hilarious to write on smut but like I say the same on everything.

oh this is Magnus wooing Alec in the spiral labyrinth. which is a very delicate trap to create.

... I promise malec is happy they're just kinky i'm sorry. 100% send me an ask if this didn't send the vibes you needed

lumine

tethers of fate

“Hello darling, don’t you look charming.” 

And Alexander does, despite the fact that Magnus wants to wipe away the glitter shimmering on his cheekbones or burn away the little crown of vines on his brow.

Those are claims of Arawn. Physical symbols of his ties to Alexander and also the unseelie king’s claim on the wild magic that flows through Alexander’s veins as if it were blood.

Magnus catches a brown curl around his finger and twines it, pulling it in a little tug before letting it go.  There’s barely any spring to it but his fingers ache to return and so he does, memorizing every pattern and curl on Alexander’s head as his darling diligently reads a scroll.

Finally, when Magnus is beginning to feel like he’ll run out of patience before he runs out of hair, Alexander looks up.

The green specks of his eyes are enchanting, a vibrant, insidious green that lurks in a kaleidoscope of hazel colors.  It’s unnatural and enticing, as are the strange vine and bone tattoos that spread across Alexander’s body.

“For someone who told me to read this scroll, you’re not exactly making it easy.” 

Magnus ignores the taunt because why on earth would he ever make anything easy for Alexander when he could instead make it fun.

“The scroll will still be there tomorrow, but who knows when we’ll next have a moment together. Tell me, what is your full name, darling?” Because while Alexander may not be a fae in blood, he is fae in nature.

Alexander looks at him curiously, clearly wondering why Magnus wants to know but unaware that he’s beholden by the same rules of Arawn’s court.

“No one knows.” Is the answer he’s given and Alexander’s lips quirk mischievously, “I came to tad with my name and nothing else. All other titles are presents and honors bestowed upon me.”

Magnus pretends to believe him and leave it at that for now and instead upends the bag he’d brought with him on the desk. Letting a series of magical instruments fall across the surface.

“Oh, what are these?” Alexander sounds delighted, that cat-like curiosity of his ignited the moment Magnus touches anything or brings him something. 

Magnus watches as Alexander’s hand wavers over a witchlight for a moment before he quickly moves his palm, yet it’s enough for Magnus to see the soft glow that forms and fades almost too quickly to see.

Alexander is running his fingers over a wind-whistle and it’s clear he’s trying to be nonchalant, the tips of his ears pink and the furrow of his brow overly pronounced.

But Magnus saw it and in a move that should be impossible Magnus strokes against Alexander’s aura with a drop of grace, defiled though it may be. Against his magic Magnus feels the soul-touch of a nephilim bloom and he pauses, hardly daring to believe he was right.

It shouldn’t be possible, but Magnus has spent enough time around and helping Tessa to unearth hidden secrets meant to be forgotten.

Arawn’s favored son is nephilim blooded.  

No wonder he’s so rabidly protective of Alexander.  No matter how it came about, it happened and Alexander’s a walking treasure trove of pure wild magic and raw power that could overpower most rituals that would drain others. Not only that, he has the kind of power in his blood that people would kill for.

“Alexander,” Magnus purrs, because it’s more important than ever that he gets answers. “You must have some idea of what your name was. Who you are, at your core.”

Alexander laughs, unaware of Magnus’ realization and ignoring Magnus’ attempts to cut into him, as if the thought has never occurred or mattered to him.

“I have dozens of names from my kin and a title only my father knows. The kind of name you speak of is unimportant with the wealth I have. Who I am, at my core, is a child of Arawn and that will never change no matter a name.”

Magnus realizes that he means it. 

Whatever life Alexander has and is living, it’s fulfilling enough that he doesn’t care who he is, who he was born to be. For Magnus who has run from his lineage but always comes back to it, it’s an odd perspective and it makes his plans more difficult. 

Magnus carefully and casually locks the wards of the library into place. He has permission, not only as an Elder and king but specifically since he’s considered a lure for Alexander.

The council wants to maintain access to Alexander and once he’s done studying here, Magnus doubts Arawn will let him come back. It took contracts and oaths sworn and vows upheld for the unseelie king to allow it at all and that was before the Elder’s realized the gem that Alexander is.

The moment the Elder’s realized that Magnus wanted Alexander and that the interest and chemistry was mutual, they gave Magnus full reign of their resources. Ever better, rather than simply give him access to research, they’re letting him woo Alexander while they research for him.

Every night Magnus retires to his room here and finds a desk full of rituals, some he knows, others he’s vaguely heard of and still more he’s never seen before.  All in the hopes that he will find a ritual that can tie Alexander to him in a way that Arawn cannot cut.

It only works because Magnus’ interest is selfish. For personal greed and desire, a lust and interest that focuses on Alexander as an individual rather than his powers, that allow them to circumvent the oaths this much at all.

Arawn cut off every avenue to his son but the routes of emotions and carnal hunger.

The elder’s don’t even know that Alexander is nephil blooded and yet, to try and give Magnus every opportunity — they’ve even been providing him rituals that will work on those with not just angelic but specifically nephil blood. Just that morning Magnus had memorized a diagram he’d thought would be useless but now he realizes he can use it this moment, as blood calls to blood.

Magnus lets power swell in his veins and then he kisses Alexander, harshly and hastily.  A storm finally unleashed as magic pools beneath his skin and Alexander meets him, laughing and wild and just as fierce as he kisses back.

Their teeth clash, fangs equally sharp and cutting on each other’s lips and tongues and blood smears between them as a diagram forms in the staccato beat of their pounding hearts. A name Magnus shouldn’t know and he knows is dangerous to say lingers on his tongue, coated in the blood he coaxed from Alexander’s mouth and when he pulls back he laughs.

Alexander smiles at him, already healed, his pink tongue licking away the remaining red on his lips. It’s clear he knows Magnus wanted to taste his blood and he’s pleased by it, even if he doesn’t know why. However before he can ask Magnus smirks and Alexander frowns, eyes narrowing as if he can sense the danger in Magnus’ glee.

Magnus leans forward and murmurs a name swallowed by an unholy scream that echoes in the room with a gust of wind before it’s gone.

Alexander’s eyes are wide, staring at Magnus as if he’s appointed up a rift to a void realm, rather than just claim Alexander in the most basic of fae truths.

“You’re not supposed to know that name.” Alexander snaps out of his surprise, a scowl forming on his plush lips. “That name was eaten by time for a reason, Magnus. It’s not my fate to know that life. I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“But it’s my fate to claim it. All the possibilities and truths of it, though I will never again speak it if you wish.”

Magnus kisses him again and despite his irritation Alexander kisses back, as if he’s just been waiting this whole time for Magnus to move forward and claim another taste.

After a moment Alexander bites his mouth, pulling back and looking at him with a sigh. “Don’t say that name again, Malphas. I don’t want to know it.”

Alexander kisses sweetly this time, tender and untamed under Magnus’ bruising grip and teeth. The declaration that he knows the name Magnus’ father gave him rather than the name Magnus chose isn’t a surprise.

But it delightful, how he speaks Magnus name without fear. Just after Magnus spoke his own.

However now that Magnus has said it, tasted and claimed it, he can promise never to speak of its existence again, just as Alexander wishes.

It’s a quiet vow that Magnus swears as Alexander kisses his jaw and cheeks. Magnus seals it with his mouth, kissing Alexander until he’s whining against him, mouth panting in open supplication against Magnus’ own.

It’s with a desperate need that Magnus uses magic to shove away the desk and scatter books, no matter how old or valuable they are. Alexander’s pants open under his touch, the butter-smooth leather parting under fingers until he can touch skin and bare Alexander’s cock to the air.

Magnus doesn’t let Alexander overthink it.  

The fact that Magnus knows his name even if he vowed it away, or that he’s about to taste him. Magnus doesn’t bother with foreplay, swallowing around Alexander and humming deep in his throat. Teasing Alexander’s balls with his fingers and using just a hint of teeth when he can.

There’s a vine that peeks out from under Alexander’s shirt, following down his happy trail to disappear in a curl of leaves on the crease of his groin.  It’s branded to Alexander’s skin in a tattoo that shimmers and Magnus’ nails bite into it.  Alexander gasps, hands tight in Magnus’ hair but neither pulling him away or complaining.  Instead he squirms, hips trying to thrust from where he’s pinned between the chair and Magnus’ hands and magic.

“Magnus, your tongue. Fuck I wouldn’t even care if your piercing was iron the way it feels.” Alexander groans and then he whines in complaint as Magnus stays still. A heel kicks at Magnus thigh and Magnus uses magic to keep Alexander’s legs still and snared to the chair even as Alexander writhes and swears at him in a variety of fae curses.

He can’t fuck Magnus’ throat the way he desperately wants to like this, can only sit there and take it as Magnus teases him. 

When he’s done Alexander won’t be able to look at Magnus’ mouth without imaging it on him, on his cock and his skin and marking him with his teeth.

Alexander whines as Magnus flicks the ball-piercing on his tongue against his slit and then groans when Magnus pulls back, spit and precome connecting them until Magnus licks his lips.

“Don’t you taste divine,” Magnus chuckles, flicking out his tongue and smirking as Alexander’s gaze is drawn to the piercing and his mouth. “Kiss me, sweetheart?”

Alexander bends down, kissing him desperately, tasting himself on Magnus’ tongue until the magic pushes him back, pinning him down again. 

“I can’t be so greedy and not share. You’ve probably never tasted yourself. Have you?” Alexander shakes his head and looks like he can’t decide between demanding another kiss or Magnus’ mouth back on his dick.  Luckily for him, Magnus has already picked for both of them what to do.

“Magnus!”

Alexander’s voice is desperate and he whines when Magnus rubs his cheek against Alexander’s cock. His sweet boy keens when stubble catches on sensitive skin and he whines in relief when the burn is soothed with Magnus’ tongue.

Magnus takes him back in his mouth, swallowing him down to the base, until his nose presses against Alexander’s shirt and his boy can feel every swallow and pulse of his throat around him.

Alexander comes helplessly, fingers tight like bands around Magnus’ wrists from where he’s pinned Alexander’s thighs open with his hands.

Alexander holds onto him as if clinging tightly to Magnus can keep him anchored as Magnus swallows around him. Ignoring when Alexander murmurs his name and then the louder pleas for him to stop as they turn into a series of demanding threats and curses even as Alexander does nothing to actually stop him.  They both know he could and would, if he didn’t ache and yearn at the feeling of Magnus unraveling him to the core.

It isn’t until Alexander is trembling beneath him, thighs shaking and soaked with sweat and pants drenched that Magnus stops and looks up.

Alexander glares at him, face flushed and eyes shiny with tears.  His lips are swollen from where he’s bitten them and he’s looking down like Magnus is a god trying to destroy him.

Magnus chuckles, mouth full of Alexander’s soft cock and the last bit of come he’s coaxed from him and slowly pulls off.  Alexander tugs at him instantly. Pulling him into a kiss and yanking on Magnus until he’s up and in Alexander’s lap. Both of them ignore how Alexander hisses in pain from overstimulation as Magnus settles against him. Alexander’s sensitive, flaccid cock pinned between his own open pants and Magnus’ denim.

It can’t be comfortable but Alexander is more interested in licking the taste of his own come from Magnus’ mouth, whimpering against him every time Magnus shifts but only pulling him closer. 

Even when he whines like he’s going to cry again.

Magnus grinds his hips, deliberately trapping and teasing Alexander’s cock and his boy keens into their kiss. Nails an angry bite on Magnus’ neck even as Alexander only deepens the kiss.  Clearly uncaring about anything beyond the connection of their lips.

There’s a tie between them, something delicate and subtle enough that unless you know it’s there, you couldn’t find it.

Technically it shouldn’t work like this, but Magnus knows exactly what he’s doing and even this small but powerful strand is only the beginning.

Magnus has earned blood, found a name and now he’s taken a taste. 

He’s drunk straight from a well of unimaginable power and let it christen his throat and body and claimed it for himself, as if drinking from a fountain in the fae realm.

It weaves the ties between them, equal strands forming in chains from Magnus to Alexander and from Alexander to Magnus. As Magnus ensures that by the end of this, they cannot be torn from each other.

—

AN:

Alec is something of a virgin in this fic for several reasons. He’s demisexual and he gets all the platonic cuddles he wants from his family and a few friends. Like Alec isn’t touch starved, he’s completely healthy with tons of mostly healthy emotional relationships that also have a physical component. 

He’s experimented a little, this certainly isn’t his first kiss and he’s done some handjobs/grinding etc but he’s picky about who he kisses/experiments with and because of a lack of interest on his part it never goes far. Its just he typically has better things to do than kiss people or try and fuck around. He actually has more important things to do than kiss magnus rn, however his priorities are a bit skewed now and thats okay because he likes kissing magnus which raises the priority. He just kind of tolerated/enjoyed it before when he tried it out. 

No one shames him for this. Arawn would be very happy if none of his kids developed romantic feelings for other people and just fucked or didn’t fuck based on what they need/want. So Alec is very comfortable with himself and he’s interested in Magnus which makes him interested in sex with Magnus.

Also you’re not supposed to eat or drink what a fae offers you. Magnus is very secretly creating invisible webs of oaths and magics, overlapping truth and reality with myth and also words of power and string of fate and reality. So in this moment, because of how Magnus framed the situation, he technically just consumed something from a fae (even tho alec isn’t truly fae it counts because his nature is similar enough) and bound them together because it technically gives alec power over magnus. Just like magnus gained power over alec with the knowledge of his name and they gained equal understanding/power of each other when tasting their blood.

It doesn’t all fully come together just yet.

This is just one strand of the web magnus is currently weaving. And this web has to end up being a mirror image on both sides because any weakness, discrepancy, imbalance and arawn could destroy it.

[ryuyejiho]

hi i been loving your content for so long! you write for every group i stan lol love it <3 i was wondering if you were taking requests.

if you are, is it okay to ask for some Jungkook (slightly angsty) smut? let's say that reader and him are strict fwb, both of them being busy with their lives, can't commit or idk whatever you think fits best, but he finds out she's been talking to her ex. can it be him TRYING to be sooo nonchalant, but he can't, he gets sooo jealous. can he also get all cocky mentioning her ex while they are you knowwww... i love me a "composed" (not really) man hehehe

i'm so excited to see what you come up! if you do, thank so much for your attention! lots of love for what you do haha <3

(can her ex be changmin from tbz, just because i love them both!!! if not, that's okay, too!!)

- anon 🫐

"If Not Mine, Then No One's" Jungkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader Genre: Smut, Angst Summary: They were just friends — with rules, with boundaries. But he couldn't stand the thought of her with anyone else, even when he swore it didn't mean anything. Possessive, jealous, and too proud to admit the truth, he's breaking every rule just to keep her close. Word Count: ~2.5k

The TV screen endlessly flew the same series, every now and then asking if I should skip the intro of the next episodes. Jungkook sat next to me on the couch with his arms crossed, his leg twitching nervously. Every now and then he would glance at me, out of the corner of his eye.

I, on the other hand, sat with my phone in my hand, texting with my friend. Okay... With my ex. Recently, we started talking again, and things were going well. Just now we were groping one of the girls he was on a failed date with.

Seeing another glimpse of Jungkook, I put the phone down on the couch between us. But the phone vibrated again so I picked it up. I laughed quietly reading the message which didn't escape Jungkook's attention. His gaze shifted slowly to me, then to the phone leaning slightly to the side.

"Changmin?" he asked. Before I had time to react in any way, he had already continued speaking. 

"Of course it's Changmin. And I foolishly thought it was me you were supposed to have a good evening with"

"Stop it. That's not what you're thinking about. We're just gossiping" I raised my eyes, furrowing my brow.

"Sure. Because, after all, I'm only supposed to warm you up and fuck you. You leave the gossiping to your ex" he laughed without a shadow of humor.

"You're exaggerating. After all, it's just texting"

"You know what, after all, it's an awesome deal. You have your ex to chat and gossip and me to fuck whenever you want" he chuckled, getting up abruptly from the couch.

"What the hell do you mean now?" I said raising my voice.

"What I mean is that I'm sitting here like an idiot watching you have more fun writing with your ex"

"Seriously, Jungkook? Are you making a scene out of something like that?"

"No, not a scene" he moved closer, leaning over me and resting his hands on the back of the couch. His voice was calm and quiet but his eyes were angry. "It's just a little funny to me that you've been fucking me for a year as if your life depended on it, and yet you still have the desire and time to reminisce with your ex"

"Not reminiscing, he was just telling me about..." I didn't have time to finish when he brought his face closer to mine so that I could feel his breath on my lips.

"He was telling you. I wonder if you also tell him how you moan my name with your throat torn out from screaming? Or do you keep it just for me? Because if not, I feel a little unappreciated" he said.

I opened my mouth but ran out of words. My heart was pounding like crazy, I didn't expect such a reaction from him.

"What the fuck is this? You have no right to be jealous"

"And you have no right to pretend that this is nothing. That you only need me for sex, and then you can go back to writing with the past"

"You're the one who made these rules!"

"Because I can't have you! And if I can't, no one else can either" he growled but suddenly fell silent. As if because he had said a word too much. As if he had said something he hadn't planned to say.

Suddenly something jumped in his gaze. He grabbed my neck and pulled me into a kiss, wild and aggressive. He laid me down on the couch and positioned himself over me without pulling his lips away.

His whole body pinned me to the couch, his hands caught my wrists immobilizing them. After a moment, his lips were at my ear.

"When was the last time you screamed in pleasure with him, hmm? Did he also make you shake for another hour afterwards?"

His mouth was greedy, his teeth hooked on my lower lip every now and then until I felt the metallic taste of blood. But he didn't interrupt. His hand slid lower —  to my hip and then pressed firmly between my thighs, pushing them apart without asking.

"I'll show you why you don't deserve anyone but me" I moaned, to which he laughed quietly, mischievously. "Exactly. That's how you sounded the first time I comforted you after you two broke up. Do you remember? Did you already tell Changmin that too? Look at me."

He commanded by grabbing my chin and violently, but not painfully, forced me to make eye contact. He began unbuttoning my pants, without taking his eyes off me. He did it slowly. Every move was planned to show me that he had power over me — that he was taking it away piece by piece.

"Tell me... when you were texting with him, were you also this wet?" he whispered right next to my ear while simultaneously pushing his hand into my underwear. I closed my eyes and didn't say anything.

"Answer me" he repeated firmly, pressing on my clit with more force.

"No" I breathed out at which he smiled.

"Exactly"

My hips drifted toward him on their own — as if they wanted more. Jungkook watched me closely. At my twitching hips and knees, at my rapidly sinking chest, at my uncontrollable sighs.

"Yes, just like that..." he whispered with satisfaction as I moved impatiently under his touch. He slid my pants down halfway down my thighs, then completely. He moved confidently, without haste — as if he wanted to show me exactly how much control and dominance he had over me.

"I'm touching you and you don't even try to interrupt me. Because you want me. All of me. You're addicted to me" I nodded, not sure why myself.

"Say it. Admit it to me" he demanded and his fingers stood in motion.

"I want you"

"No. Say I'm the only one" he corrected and his gaze bore into me.

"You're the only one" I whispered.

"Good. So now show me how much you feel it" he said.

He started kissing me lower and lower — on my neck, between my breasts, on my belly. He grabbed my hips firmly and pulled me violently to him, driving his gaze into my eyes.

"You're spreading your legs in front of me faster than you can read the messages from your fucking Changmin" he hissed after he positioned himself between my thighs.

I clenched my teeth but my body betrayed me on every side. He saw it — and it turned him on a lot.

I groaned, trying to catch breath as he crushed me with the weight of his body, one hand holding my wrists above my head, the other pulling his sweatpants down.

"Look at me" he growled, tightening his fingers on my wrists, after a moment adding "At me, not at the fucking phone. I want to see your eyes when you forget who you were before I came along"

He entered me roughly, brutally with a force that forced me to forget everything but him. His every move was punishment and reward at the same time.

"Changmin, right? All he does is talk crap to you on the phone and I have you smashed underneath me, all for me. And you know it well" he chuckled through clenched teeth. My body was writhing under him, begging for more. His movements were fast, hard, full of control.

"I never want to hear his fucking name again. Once you mention him again I will remind you who you belong to. Understood?" he said firmly, bringing his face closer to mine.

"Yes..." I whispered, losing my voice between shaky breaths.

"Louder"

"Yes, understood"

"Good girl" he smiled triumphantly.

His lips reached mine again, kissing me as if he wanted to destroy me and at the same time show how much he wanted me. His hips thrust into mine with great precision. There was no gentleness in it, only strength, need and power.

"You are mine, do you hear? Not his. Not any other. Just. Fucking. Mine" He growled between successive thrusts.

He clamped his hand on my throat, not choking — just holding as if to remind me that I belonged to him at that moment.

"I wonder if he ever caught you like that. Did you lie under him and beg for more. Because with me you can't even close your legs" he whispered with irony in his voice, looking me straight in the eyes.

I trembled, and he felt it. And that only fueled his confidence.

"You don't have to tell me that I'm better. I know it. I can hear it in your every moan, feel it in every twitch of your body" he snorted violently near my ear.

He grabbed my thighs, lifted and spread them even wider. He pounded into me so hard that I cried out until my voice broke, at which he smiled triumphantly.

"Just like that. Loudly. So that I have no doubt that it's my name on the tip of your tongue, not his"

My body shook beneath him. I was all his. And he took it brutally, mercilessly for himself.He didn't slow down. Each of his thrusts drove me deeper into the couch. I had no control - he wouldn't let me have it even for a second. Every muscle in his body tensed as if he was fighting with himself not to go even further.

"Do you know why I'm fucking you like this? Because I want you to sit there later with your phone with your legs spread and feel that I fucked you. Not him. Me" he hissed through clenched teeth, clenching his fingers tightly on my hips

I moaned protractedly, feeling my whole body burn from the inside out. And he only smiled triumphantly.

"I don't need your words. Your body lies worse than you do. But when you scream my name? That's when I know I'm winning" he growled, leaning in and biting my lower lip.

He clamped his fingers on my throat tighter, more secure, giving me no escape with his eyes. I looked only at him — at his face full of tension, lust and fury. And I knew that at that moment he was deciding everything.

"Don't look anywhere else. Only at me. I want you to remember that look when you come" he said quietly, and then he pounded into me even harder, even faster — without any brakes.

My fingers trembled holding on to his shoulders and my heart pounded like crazy. I tried to say something but only let out a squeal when he slammed his palm against my buttock with all his strength.

"You're giving me more than you've given him throughout the relationship. And I don't even have to try. I just take" he snarled mockingly.

And that's when I burst. My whole body shook in delight, so strong that I screamed his name like a plea and a confession at the same time.

He stopped after a while, breathing hard, still above me, looking straight into my eyes he pressed his hips hard against mine cumming deep inside me. He did not move away. He didn't say anything.

Finally, his body settled slightly to the side. He was breathing heavily, leaning with his forehead against my shoulder. I was literally shattered. My every muscle was trembling, my head was humming, and my heart was pounding like crazy.

Without a word, I got up, stood shakily on my feet and began to gather my clothes.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a hoarse, low voice, still not moving from the couch.

"I'm going out"  I replied quietly while putting on my underwear.

"No" he said firmly.

"You're not going to tell me what to do" I said without looking at him. I didn't dare.

"I will. Because I won't let you leave after this as if it means nothing" He sat down, rested his elbows on his knees, looking at me with the same dark look.

"You won't let me? Really? And what have you been doing for a year? You fuck me, then you close in on yourself like a fucking wall and pretend we have nothing in common"

"Because nothing was supposed to be between us" he furrowed his brow.

"And yet you get fucking mad when I write with someone else. When I talk about Changmin. When I look anywhere but at you!"

He stood up abruptly, in two steps he was beside me. He grabbed me firmly by the wrist and pulled me to turn around.

"Because I want you. And I hate that you could want someone else. That someone else could have you. To touch you. To hear you the way I hear you"

I shook my head and wanted to pull my hand out of his grasp but in vain.

"You were the one who made the rules. You were the one who didn't want a relationship. And I was stupid enough to accept it.... and now I don't even know if it hurts me more that I have you this way or that I can't have it any other way" I whispered.

His jaw tightened, as if struck by those words. His eyes fled to the side for a moment.

"Don't say that" he growled, as if that would save him.

"Why? Because it's easier for you to take me like a thing than to admit that you feel something too?"

He grabbed my neck, again, but differently. He held me close, his forehead pressed against mine. His eyes were closed.

"I don't know what it is. I don't know how it happened. But I know that as soon as you look at someone else I feel like killing them. Do you understand that? I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid you'll leave.... because I'm fucked up and I don't know how to go about it" his voice was sharp, but he trembled slightly.

Silence hung between us. I felt his breath on my lips, felt his fingers tremble on my neck.

"I wish I could just have you without the fucking insecurity, without all the fucking rules I set myself. But I can't stand it" he said breaking on the last words.

I looked at him and my heart beat faster, as if what was happening was just some weird dream.

"So don't let me go"  I said finally. He stared into my eyes with such a desperate expression on his face that I almost felt as if all the anger, frustration and maybe something more that he had been holding inside all this time exploded in that one moment.

"I don't want to lose you" he whispered again, as if he had finally said something he had been afraid to say all along.I pressed my lips to his. Almost immediately he began to move them — not roughly, not urgently. Just quietly. Slowly. As if that one kiss could make time stand still.

[deusvervewrites]

Sayian: Did you notice I'm REALLY normal about this part of the AU already?

"Ashido-san?" Izuku walked through the forest, trying to spot any sign of pink in the dark. "Ashido-san, where are you! Mandalay told us to go back to the others!"

She was lying in the middle of a grass clearing, looking... mostly melted, the only real feature among the pink mass being her exhausted and tear-stained face. Her eyes didn't turn to him, looking at the sky. "I..." Her voice was hollow. "Never saw so many stars..."

"Huh?" He blinked. Right, he... forgot sometimes how sheltered she really was. "Well... yeah, you can't really see them with all the light from the city..." He shook his head. "Ashido-san, is... everything alright? You weren't really yourself for..." A while now. "You don't have to say anything, but if I can help-"

She moved, all the pink mass speeding at Izuku. He stumbled slightly when she impacted and completely covered him, trembling. "I don't want this." She started talking, almost too quickly for him to understand. "I don't want this, I don't want this, you guys were the best thing that ever happened to me and I know I don't deserve it but you made me so happy and I don't want this to end-" She squeezed tighter, Izuku feeling slightly-acidic tears flow down his back. "I don't want this to end..."

"...Ashido-san?" He tried, brushing his tail against as much of her mass as he could. "Is... is something wrong? Again, if you need help..." She didn't really say it out loud, but there were some things that... didn't paint the best picture about her home life. "Are your parents thinking of transferring you or something?"

She kept trembling. Izuku heard her grinding his teeth as she... flowed around him. "I- I-" It almost sounded like she was choking. "I... am- am not- not... nothing's... wrong..." She sagged again. "It's just... I don't know." She sobbed again. "After- after everything that happened during the semester and- and stuff, I just-"

She was... just worried, then? Somehow, Izuku didn't really buy that. But he also knew from experience that it'll be the only answer he'll get out of her, so he just sighed. "Okay, but... why are you all the way out here?"

She finally pulled back, still not really solid. "I was... thinking, I guess. About... some stuff." She looked back at the stars. "...You asked me once what my dream was."

Right, she... didn't exactly give a straight answer to that. "It's not wrong if you don't have one yet. I'm sure it'll-"

"It did." She swallowed again. "It... took a bit, but... I think I have one." She sounded so... resigned... "I... I think I want to travel the world." A single hand extended out of her main mass, stretching towards the sky. "I want to see it. To experience all this stuff the internet and the movies and the books talk about. I want to eat the food and climb the mountains and dive into the seas. I-" Her voice trembled, getting louder. "I want to meet the people there, and learn their stories and how they live, and see what makes them angry or sad or happy and HELP THEM IF THEY'RE EVER IN TROUBLE!" The last words sounded almost... angry. "THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO!"

Still, Izuku walked up, then sat next to her. "That's... a beautiful dream, Ashido-san."

"...Yeah." She trembled again, all that anger gone. "Yeah, it really was..."

"Everyone!" Wait, what?! Mandalay?! "Get back to the lounge, at once! There are intruders in the- ack!"

Izuku shot to his feet. Behind him, he could hear Ashido-san slowly flow together into a humanoid form. "Mandalay? Crap, is- is someone attacking?!" He flew into the air, only to feel a hand clamp over his leg. "What- Ashido-san, what are you doing?! There are Villains-"

"I know."

I really put her through the ringer huh

[not-gray-politics]

Adding onto this: the lack of third spaces and western individualism. How many of us, regardless of gender, know our neighbors? How many of us have low cost or free third spaces, where we can afford to keep in touch with our community if we fall on hard times? How many of us live in towns or cities large/funded enough to even HAVE a sense of "community"? How many of our younger generations just spent 5 of their formative years in a pandemic and under violent and oppressive politicians? How many groups of teenagers and kids have been kicked out of malls, stores, restaurants, or even been pulled over on the side of the street purely for """looking suspicious""" (something that happened to a friend of mine. They were banned from their nearest walmart)?????? Our culture is already raising men to be emotionally closed off and stunted, yes, but it's also just outright HOSTILE towards socialization in general... Unless you're paying for it.

Getting into some personal perspectives and experiences below.

I'm.. not someone who was "raised as a man", for lack of better words. But I've felt the impacts of this.

I was homeschooled, and I grew up basically in the middle of nowhere. I went to a homeschool group once a week, for a while, as a kid; but eventually when my older brothers outgrew it, my parents stopped seeing a need to take us all there.

For the majority of my childhood, my only "community" was an evangelical church with very few other kids my age who rarely talked to me because I was the only """"girl"""". This church was very toxic and only further encouraged the isolation I was feeling, but that's a topic for another day. (Cults like that are far more common than most people are willing to acknowledge, though, so it is worth further discussion later.)

For a long while, I only had one friend- the neighbor's kid. And we saw eachother often, and played together when school hours were over- but we never got to spend time the way other kids did. We didn't have any fun school events together, or talk inbetween classes every day, or share classmates, or sit next to eachother on the bus, or study together. We had a few small hours before the sun went down, if we were allowed them, and then our worlds divided again. It wasn't always bad- Just the way things were, at the time. But it drove something home to me:

Kids have absolutely nothing going for them outside of school.

We weren't allowed to walk down the streets without an adult, "there are dangerous people out there". We didn't have anywhere to go for fun, we had a little park that always had trash laying around and that's about it. Most holidays? Celebrated at school. Never been to a dance, didn't have parties or competitions or sports or clubs. Gotta be careful leaving the house during school hours, unless it's summer. Someone might think you're skipping classes.

For a small, underfunded town like mine- every event involves the school, and there are no businesses catered towards younger people. Even if we were allowed to walk by ourselves, we couldn't just walk to a mall, or a skating rink, or an arcade, or whatever kids these days enjoy doing. To be honest, I don't think most people can. Walkable space is an endangered thing in this country. Everything revolves around cars, and good luck convincing your parents or siblings to take you anywhere, if they even have the time. Let ALONE if it costs money.

So tell me; what are kids left to do, in that situation?

Eventually, that one friend of mine moved away. Personal issues in her family life, I won't elaborate for her privacy. But I didn't have a way to contact her. And from then on... my entire world went quiet.

I had no one.

So, for the vast majority of my time..

I spent the next 8 years in front of a screen.

I made friends online. Some of them are still in my life to this day and I'm extremely grateful for them. I don't know what I would've done without them. But outside, I didn't talk to anyone. I became more closed off and anxious at church, and only got further ostracized for it. I didn't leave the house unless I had to most of the time. When the pandemic rolled around I barely noticed a difference. It's only really recently as a young adult that I'm learning how to reach out and start living life again. I'm getting involved with my local libraries, and communities in other towns nearby, now that I can drive. But it's an active effort. It takes going down rabbitholes on facebook and Google maps just to find half this stuff.

All of that being said, I don't know what the average kid is like. But I feel like if something as simple as doing my schoolwork on a computer instead of in a classroom had this drastic of an effect on me, maybe we need to reevaluate our systems and how we expect our children to live and socialize.

I may not have much personal experience with the public school system but I feel like if their work and life are this deeply intertwined with eachother, that can't be healthy. That's not to say we should get rid of all these different school-oriented programs, but we should be able to expand our kids' lives and experiences beyond them. Why is a legally-mandated, poorly ventilated, often underfunded and overcrowded box where they're meant to focus on doing long hours of mental labor the only place we allow and expect them to form connections and make memories? We get so upset at them for not going out more or being "chronically online" but I once again have to ask you:

Where else can they go?

I don't have all the answers, but it's some food for thought.

My take on the male loneliness epidemic:

It’s real, but not only is it not what people believe it to be, but it’s also not actually treated accurately by those that claim they are affected by it.

The cause of the epidemic is not one thing, not one factor, but a multitude of reasons that even men refuse to acknowledge and consider.

Whenever I see a man (and in some cases women), usually right leaning or incel-like, go on a tangent about the epidemic, it usually comes down to how they cannot get female strangers specifically to validate them. Seriously. There are men who complain about how women don’t appreciate or trust them (ex: bear vs man hypothetical), how they can’t get anything out of them (ex: a relationship), etc, and it always seems to actually downplay the epidemic that they claim to be effected by.

If you are lonely because you want a woman to validate you, then that is a self inflicted expectation that was inflated by the real issue. Women are not the real reason you are lonely.

Gay men are also affected by the same epidemic as straight men. And it’s not women who make them lonely.

So what is the cause of male loneliness? What is the root issue? And what is it that contributes and continues the epidemic?

Let’s dive into this, shall we…?

1. The start.

The male loneliness epidemic actually starts when you are a child. As a young boy, you are expected to be tough, responsible, in control, etc all while the adults push the expectations of getting a wife or a girlfriend on you.

You are expected to wear and like ‘boy’ colors, you are expected to like rough sports that may not have been your choice to begin with, you are expected to have your personal boundaries broken if it doesn’t align with the adult’s wants (ex: they cut off your long hair because it’s “gay”)

If you cry, they mock you for being pathetic.

If you emotionally reach out to another boy, you are called gay by your equally affected peers and adults.

If you reach out to a girl, everyone assumes you are romantically interested in her, which leads to you or the girl distancing yourselves from each other.

You are not allowed to develop emotionally, you are not allowed to explore boundaries and relationships, and you are not allowed to be human.

That. That is the core. The beginning of the infection.

It’s not your fault. You don’t deserve to be beaten or mocked when you cry.

But unfortunately, that is going to be ingrained into you for the next several years…

2. Growing expectations.

As you get older, people expect you to take on bigger responsibilities and they expect you to like it. They want marriage and to grow up faster than is possible. They expect you to ‘man up’ while giving mixed signals about the opposite sex.

“You don’t need a woman but you need a woman to have your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs met.”

Women are treated as both the answer to your problems AND the cause of them. It confuses and hurts your mental health without you understanding and it leads to unrealistic expectations. And it doesn’t help that your deprivation of emotional connections to non-romantic relationships is screaming for something to relieve it.

You now expect to have a spouse or a woman to fill that gaping hole that the adults in your childhood had dug and infected with confusing and damaging ideas.

You expect to get a high labor job that could literally kill you to prove your worth to this nonexistent woman, your peers, your mentors… and yourself.

You are at a stage where you have mental blocks that are keeping you from reaching out to people, developing your emotional intelligence, and understanding the growing hurt you are feeling due to shame and fear.

You think it’s weak to cry, you think that either you or the women are the problems, and you view other men as threats with or without your knowledge.

You unknowingly seek out validation from abusive men, hoping they will tell you that the women are the problem, that you’re perfect but you need to get a better job, and that there’s nothing wrong with you.

3. The self infliction “stage”

You spiral, you miss what really causes this isolation, and you worsen the problem to the point where everyone steers clear of you.

You have now entered a stage that you don’t realize you are in. It makes you bitter, it makes you neglect your true needs, and you take it out on strangers and those close to you who have to walk on eggshells around you.

It’s not your fault that you were groomed into being lonely… but you are an adult now. And as an adult, you need to clean the mess. No one else will. Some may help, but it requires you to actually let them into your house to see all the ran down furniture and the mold that spread throughout your living space.

4. The solution.

There is no simple solution. It is not a physical wound, it’s wound that remains in the complex system that is your mind. No one is the same, and some people have different priorities and recovery stages.

The first thing you can do is recognize and understand. Other people who aren’t as affected as you have figured out the root issue and have addressed it without pushing their luggage on others. You do not need a ‘bad guy’ to blame. You need yourself.

Self love is much deeper than just wanting for yourself… self love is addressing your flaws and ridding yourself of bad habits without tearing yourself down. It’s like your pet dog, you cannot simply let your dog lash out at others, you cannot let it indulge in too much of something or too little. Your dog, as much as you love them, may have problems. If you love your dog, you will not let it eat chocolate or chase down a cat.

If you love yourself, you will not expect others to fix things for you and will find yourself with someone backing you up… yourself.

Yes, to ‘cure’ loneliness is a group effort. It requires you to reach out to others and vise versa, but in order to do that, you need to understand that everyone is an individual with limits and boundaries. You need to understand that they cannot control your identity and value. And you cannot control theirs. If they cannot be emotionally available, then you need to remind yourself of your worth and leave them be.

You won’t be cured of your childhood conditioning overnight. You will still suffer. The best you can do is work towards ending the cycle. Starting with letting that little boy be a kid and emotionally reach out to his peers, male and female.

5. Conclusion/tl;dr

You don’t need a wife. You don’t need a gender specific validation. You need friends. Real friends. Real family. Real community.

Romantic relationships and surface level validations like compliments and simple acknowledgment are temporary solutions. They are Bandaids that your peers and society has hyped up to unrealistic standards. They are not your solution.

If someone found a special someone who has helped them, then props to them, but do not expect that delicate bond to fix everything nor occur so soon in your lifetime. Bonds need you to be responsible in order for it to work.

You need to have platonic bonds with others, even if you don’t think it’ll help. You need to be able to work independently without demonizing your needs and dependency for emotional connection outside of a romantic relationship.

What strangers think of your vulnerability does not matter. Your ‘femininity’ and ‘gayness’ doesn’t make you less. Who cares. If you’re happy for once, then do not concern yourself with expectations you can live without.

Now go watch transformers, share your interests with fellow autistics, and make cool shit 🫵

[theallianceofcelestials]

Could we have a small drabble of ETD Ruin meeting SEA Mirror! Solar, and SEA Eclipse?

I feel as though the interactions might be intriguing.

I'm not gonna lie, I really love this concept.

So as set up, Eclipse and Solar know each other and are in shared custody between the two SEA fams, so they're technically brothers even if they don't refer to each other like that. And Ruin is already back on the mainland with his Eclipse, and they're living the life, but he's also taking over rigs still

"It's fascinating for me how much more you can handle. Me leaving this place was the best thing in my life"

Eclipse raises a brow, eyeing Solar quite obviously. The other animatronic scowls at him and punches his shoulder lightly. It's probably moreso because of his condition than any kindness towards Eclipse.

"Maybe you are just a snowflake"

"And you are a shortie, but you don't see me antagonizing you over it"

They glare at each other for a bit more, only to burst out into grins.

It's good to have someone to be a dick with

"But really, I could swear my experience with this place was cursed, what with getting torn apart and damaged and all that, but you seem to have it much bette-"

The floor disappears from under them, and the only reason he doesn't scream is because he's too busy grabbing at the damaged animatronic beside himself. With their luck the poor sod might just break his legs apart, and his Moon is terrifying.

The world breaks apart, rebuilding itself in rapid colours and sounds, and then they're landing with Eclipse taking the brunt of the impact.

He groans, wheezing when his technically brother pushes himself up on his stomach, and he doesn't exactly realise why the fucker is freezing at first. In this moment, all he knows is this piece of shit crushing him

And then something fleshy touches him, and he jumps, knocking Solar off of him.

When he turns to look, he freezes too. He doesn't know how, but some sort of primal fear overtakes him.

They're on some sort of oil rig, but that's not what has him start shaking. That would be the towering wall of glowing, pulsing flesh monstrosity that's crawling up towards the sky.

"What the fuck"

He barely hears the other animatronic beside him, too busy staring at this-this thing

"Eclipse- Eclipse it's moving!"

He snaps back to attention, noticing a tendril like thing that's too close to them raise itself, others following it. It doesn't take a genius to figure out they're going to grab them if they don't run

But where the fuck are they supposed to run? It's everywhere!

"My, oh my, I did not expect visitors to fall out of the sky!"

Is that fucking British?

"And especially not a version of my dearest treasure! Ah, but the other one with the pretty, rosey cheeks is also familiar!"

Wait a minute

"Ex-fucking-scuse me?!"

"What!?"

This thing, still in that same British accent, which might just give him malfunction on the spot, chuckles, and then from the tentacles a more animatronic like form manifests, one that reminds him of their family with its clothes. Only, this one doesn't really seem to want to know if he's a solar, or a lunar model

"How lucky can one be? Not one, but three Eclipses in the same world? I'm being spoiled!"

His brother shifts next to him in discomfort, and Eclipse bears his teeth in a grin. Mismatched red and blue eyes flash at it, especially when he stands up finally, towering over the much smaller avatar.

"Don't call him that"

The being's head tilts, and it holds its hands up in surrender.

"My apologies, what are you called then dear?"

"Why don't you start?"

That surprises it, but its face breaks out into delight, and it cackles. When it looks at him again, it's with a hungry look that makes his casing crawl

"You are feisty aren't you darling? But very well, my name is Ruin, and it's a pleasure to meet you"

That name doesn't spell anything good for them

"You seem to know my name pretty well"

Solar has since gotten to his feet, but Eclipse can see his knees are trembling, ready to give out at any moment. The fingers on his left hand seem to be spasming, and he winces in solidarity. That looks painful

"I'm Solar"

Ruin nods, continuing to eye them heatedly. He does seem to get himself back under control once he notices the same issues Eclipse is seeing. Something in his expression shifts to cold

"Is everything alright with you dear?"

"Just a malfunction"

One that's not going away. But this thing doesn't need to know that

"A malfunction caused by humans mayhaps? Are there people you need gone dear?"

Eclipse can't help it, he snorts. The horror's attention is on him immediately for it, but he doesn't care.

That just reminded him a bit too much of their family

"Like a human could tear him apart! Nah, it was something more like you.'

"Something... like me?"

"Yepp, anomalious, unexplainable for humanity, that sort of gist. Maybe not something exactly like you, don't have too much access to eldritch horrors, but close enough"

Glowed hands grab onto him for support, and he reaches up to give one a squeeze. Solar takes it as invitation to lean more on him, and he doesn't mind.

Even if he can feel a couple dents on himself, he's fine. He's had worse than a bad landing.

"Is that why you two seem so calm? You've seen something like me before?"

Ruin prowls closer to them, and Eclipse eyes him distrustfully. He doesn't trust the flirty attitude, the playful winks, the nothing. It honestly makes him want to gag.

"Buddy, my job is to study the anomalious. As was his before he moved into the wilderness with his family"

One of those tendrils sneaks closer to them, and he backs away. His claws are itching to exit their housing, ready to tear into soft flesh. He feels more on edge the longer they're here.

"Oh? That's interesting! Say, don't you want to... learn a bit more?"

He doesn't like how that world is emphasized. He doesn't like how that predatory look is back. He doesn't like any of this. His involuntary shudder of disgust is second only to Solar's.

"Ew, I'm not into that, thanks. Also, romance is not my thing"

"Same. You go have fun with yourself tho!"

And then Solar begins dragging him backwards, towards a door, and the eldritch horror lets it happen with an indulgent smile.

"Those are more than fine my dears! But I'm here if you want to study!"

Eclipse slams the door shut behind them, ignoring how they're still surrounded by those glowing tentacle-tendril things. At least whatever this is doesn't bring its avatar out again.

"So ugh, how likely it is that your family will get us soon?"

Given how it's shopping day today, how Moon fucked off to work on some invention and how Sun's doing the big cleaning right now-

"Almost zero"

Solar groans, flopping down uncaringly onto the floor, hiding his head against his knees.

Eclipse wholeheartedly agrees with his annoyance

[rowenabean]

.

[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

There are several interesting points made by Sam and it make me even more excited for the new show (and it's not just because I'm a Maul girlie at heart). One real quick detail I love is how Sam mentions that the art style reflects Maul's perspective. It's small details like style that really make me appreciate art as a whole. You can take so much away from how an artist uses their medium to express their character's POV and I love it. It is a perfect example of show not tell.

Katee brings up the possibility of seeing a deeper emotional humanity to Maul which Sam confirms and that makes me so happy to hear. As I've stated in a previous post, Maul's emotions and vulnerabilities are one of the reasons why he's so compelling to me. Maul is a very emotional person, fitting as he was raised by the Sith. You could just make Maul an angry bad guy and leave it at that, but having the opportunity to dig deeper and truly get to his core elevates his character in so many ways. And I hope that we get to see some of the ideas Sam and Dave had that were cut from TCW and Rebels. I remember hearing somewhere that originally Maul was going to be haunted by visions of Savage and maybe Satine (this might be a stretch) in Rebels but it cut because people wouldn't have recognized them or their significance. Maybe we will see that idea (and others) come to life which would be really interesting.

Maul is haunted by his past and defines himself by events that took place differently than he imagined. To see visions of Savage or Satine only drives home the fact that Maul cannot let go, no matter the context. And while I'm on this tangent, it makes my heart ache for him. To hold on to that much pain, anger, and grief about things that already happened can be so incredibly exhausting. But Maul can't, or rather won't, see any other way to live his life.

Another point I appreciate is that Maul is not going to get watered down into some one dimensional version of himself or something he's not; he's still Maul. He still does his bad guy things. But at the same time, he is not pure evil like Sidious is. Make no mistake, Maul is no teddy bear, but under everything, there is a sliver of humanity in him that longs for freedom and connection.

Sam brings up an interesting point about Maul's humanity being his "flaw" as a Sith and how that humanity is something he didn't have in Clone Wars. It makes me wonder if Savage had any influence on that and how we will see that humanity manifest itself. By Rebels, Maul's approach to gaining Ezra's trust had to do with him being less aggressive out of the gate. He listens to Ezra and then uses that knowledge he gained to try and manipulate him. Still, this is very different from Savage where Maul's first action was to grab him and then start declaring revenge. What makes me excited about this new show is that we will see some emotional growth for Maul. As the galaxy changes, Maul has to change if he is to survive. He has that opportunity to reevaluate things and possibly, that reflection will shape how he approaches relationships with his new apprentice.

I also love Sam' explanation of Maul's reaction to the Empire essentially being "wth is this." If anything, it further shows how domineering, mechanized, and destructive the Empire is. Sam describes Maul as coming from a time of magic and swords but now here comes the Empire, taking that all away. It's scary how these regimes take so much away from everyone. (thank you Andor for doing the Empire justice with how terrifying and horrific it is). Watching the interview, it hit me how far Maul's vision of destroying the Jedi really was from Sidious. Maul's out here thinking he was gonna make some Sith Empire with Sidious pre TPM. Meanwhile, Sidious has no intention of sharing the glory. He was going to rule with an iron fist and crush everything that was in his way. A part of me hopes we get some insight into what Maul actually thought would happen if Sidious won. It would demonstrate how in the dark Sidious was keeping him.

anyways, I'm so excited for this show and getting more Maul and his inner world. The interview is fantastic and I love all the little details we get. I miss Maul. 2026 can't come soon enough

Star Wars: Maul - Shadow Lord (May 6, 2025)

Sam Witwer in Katee "Starbuck/Bo-Katan" Sackhoff's videocast, explaining the new Darth Maul animated series, the people involved, and its production's timeline. The clip is set to the time in which they get into the subject.

[trans-yllz]

person supposed to be moving in this week has not signed the lease or told me when they plan to get here. old housemate keeps loudly moving stuff out at like 10pm on week nights. new housemate has various slightly inconsiderate habits that are kind of driving me insane. other housemate acts like he's the only person on earth who might have stuff going on while he continues to not pay rent. I'm going to light this house on fire

[seaofreverie]

Anyway. 150 days left until I see TMBG.

[spamtoon]

(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

[halfdeadwallfly]

i

my mom said she looked at my schedule (classes, rehearsal, etc), factored in sleep and an hour of personal free time, and told me that i have 82 hours of free time a week to work on homework and stuff

which

great

but also

i

[unproduciblesmackdown]

skinamarble hornets, i was like i hope my favorite skinamascene has been uplomarinked on youtube....reminds me of that season one marble hornets entry that's the First House Visit and how i saw it described somewhere as like "absolutely nothing happens, & it's terrifying" & it reminds me of the torment of watching as the series was released & Every Time something came out, no matter what happened in like setting, atmosphere, plot, scares, there'd be someone going "ugh another Nothing entry" over the most crucial &/or enjoyable shit so long as it didn't feature [& he's cookin hot dogs on the stove???] & didn't feature it like every other minute for good measure. as though a format that is predictable, like the promise of the same kind of scene in the same intervals of timing, would actually be scary or at all interesting. shoutout to these the entries, or even intervals of time within entries, where "absolutely nothing happens" and it's called suspense in knowing it Could, tension in an unsafe, uneasy, unsettling situation in the meantime, & then also potential followup recontextualization that only creates more tension for later similar material. ("absolutely nothing" happens (of course, actually, things happen, but) in the skinamarink scene save for the literal last few seconds when the "jumpscare" is a very brief change in audio & visuals which is neither actually that loud nor like showing anything scary(tm) (technically a la marble hornets i think people say you can like see an arm extend for a nanosecond but i never catch it if so lol) but rather hits at all because of 8 minutes of suspense & tension & Nothing Happening But It Could) (also bravely standing up like "it's fine that skinamarink has some jumpscares, including the obvious few even jumpier than this" like who cares if it's "easy" necessarily & also that Knowing such startlement can happen ramps up the tension even when it didn't, but it could've. like so)

[harrysfolklore]

matchmaker - op81

summary: oscar finds a puppy wandering around the streets of monaco that leads him to meet his lucky charm

folkie radio: AN OSCAR FIC FINALLY OMG!!!! i have to say thank you to @cambrayficsrecs for sending this idea !! i LOVED IT and i hope you like this

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, yourbff and 209 others

yourinstagram meet the newest monaco resident: arlo 🤍 swipe to see the goodest boy helping me settle in my new home 🐾

view all comments

yourbff HE'S PERFECT!! miss you already but so happy for you 😭

username1 the cutest addition to monaco!!

username2 remember when you said you'd never get a dog? 😂

alexandrasaintmleux my new favorite neighbor!!! can't wait for our puppy playdates 🤍

↳ yourinstagram arlo and leo are going to be bffs 🥹🥹

username3 told you moving to monaco was the best decision

username4 i'm visiting asap just to meet this angel

yourbff2 can't believe my best friend lives in monaco now

username5 you're living the dream with the goodest boy!

username6 look at that face!! when can i visit?

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texts between alex and yn

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liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc and 583,827 others

oscarpiastri Enjoyed being a temporary dog dad today 🐾 glad this good boy made it back home safe! might have to get one of my own now...

view all comments

username1 MY HEARTTT

username2 OSCAR YOU CAN’T DO THIS

maxverstappen1 Don't let lando see this

↳ landonorris too late. getting a dog.

mclaren Best teammate and dog sitter 🧡

username3 OSCAR WITH A PUPPY THIS IS NOT A DRILL

username4 the wholesome content we needed today

alexandrasaintmleux arlo already misses his rescuer! thanks again oscar 🤍

username5 get this man a dog asap

username6 the way he took care of a stranger's dog 🥺

username7 okay but imagine oscar with his own puppy

username8 JUST GET A DOG

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yourinstagram has added to their stories

replies:

yourbff ARLO OMG 🥺🥺 what happened to him?

↳ yourinstagram sneaky little minx disappeared from the balcony.. he’s safe tho

username1 omg poor you! good thing you found him

username2 is this knight in shinning armor who saved arlo cute?

↳ yourinstagram STOP 😭

username3 i need to visit so i can meet arlo

alexandrasaintmleux I could give you his insta… or his number 👀

↳ yourinstagram STOP IT ALEX

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texts between alex and yn

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liked by alexandrasaintmleux, oscarpiastri and 28,724 others

yourinstagram turns out the nice guy who found arlo last week also happens to be pretty good at driving cars 🏎️ congrats on p2! @/oscarpiastri

view all comments

username1 GIRL WHAT IS YOUR LIFE RN

username2 you move to monaco and suddenly you're in f1 garages???

alexandrasaintmleux told you you'd love f1 🤍

↳ yourinstagram love you !

username3 OMG OSCAR

username4 SHES THE OWNER OF THE DOG

username5 this plot twist though 👀

mclaren 🧡

username6 the way this all started because arlo escaped

charles_leclerc I won you know? 🤔

↳ yourinstagram congrats charles !

username7 YOUR LIFE IS A MOVIE

username8 the best meet cute ever??

oscarpiastri Couldn't have done it without my good luck charm 🐾

↳ yourinstagram arlo says you’re welcome!

username9 IS THIS THE OWNER??

username10 the cutest storyline of the season

username11 THE WAY HE COMMENTED

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oscarpiastri sent you a direct message

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liked by username1, username2 and 14,826 others

f1gossip Oscar Piastri spotted having coffee with the owner of the now-famous beagle puppy in Monaco this morning 👀

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username1 THE WAY THIS STORY KEEPS GETTING BETTER

username2 from rescuing her dog to coffee dates we love this journey

username3 this is better than drive to survive

username4 THEY’RE SO CLOSE HELLO

username5 this is the cutest thing ever help

username6 the fact that the dog is there too 😭

username7 someone check on lando he's losing his bachelor buddy

username8 the good luck charm strikes again

username9 living a wattpad story fr

username10 HE LOOKS SO HAPPY

liked by oscarpiastri, alexandrasaintmleux and 47,935 others

yourinstagram turns out there's more to monaco than just fancy cars 🤍

view all comments

username1 THE WAY YOU MOVED TO MONACO AND IMMEDIATELY LIVING A ROMCOM

username2 OSCAR?????

username3 arlo the ultimate wingman

username4 this storyline keeps getting better

username5 OMFG WHAT IS THIS I NEED THE CONTEXT

alexandrasaintmleux told you he was cute 😌

↳ username1 OMFG ALEX

↳ username2 i love her

↳ charles_leclerc 😂😂😂

username6 need full story time asap

username7 the way this all started because she lost her dog 😭

username8 living for this plot development

oscarpiastri arlo approved ✅

↳ username1 OSCAR STOPPPPP

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yourinstagram has added to their stories

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texts between oscar and yn

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liked by yourinstagram, landonorris and 986,033

oscarpiastri Great weekend with the team 🧡 Ready to head back home to Monaco though... missing my favorite good luck charm 🐾"

view all comments

username1 OSCCCC

username2 is he talking about the dog? 😭

landonorris which one? 👀

↳ oscarpiastri 🤫

↳ username1 HELLO???

↳ username3 DECODE THIS

alexandrasaintmleux someone's eager to get back 😌

↳ charles_leclerc Your matchmaking services working well

↳ username1 LET ME INNNN

georgerussell63 The power of puppy love

username3 WE ALL KNOW WHICH GOOD LUCK CHARM

username4 the way he said "home" to monaco 🥺

username5 did anyone else catch him waving to someone on facetime after the race??

username6 some of this comments saying “the dog” his name is ARLO and he’s an icon

username7 i’m going to call it right now oscar is dating the dog owner

username8 OSC 😩

yourinstagram 🤍

liked by username1, username2 and 8,739 others

f1gossipinsider Straight from Barcelona to dinner in Monaco... Oscar Piastri spotted at Le Grill with a certain someone 👀

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username1 THE WAY HE DIDN'T EVEN GO HOME FIRST

username2 man flew straight from barcelona to take her to dinner i'm crying

username3 not me zooming in to confirm it's her

username4 THATS DEFINITELY YN AND ARLO UNDER THE TABLE

username5 fastest post-race exit we've ever seen

username6 Le Grill?? Man's not playing around

username7 our favorite story continues...

username8 this man SPRINTED from the circuit

username9 the commitment >>>

username10 our boy's got his priorities straight

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texts between oscar and yn

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liked by lilymhe, oscarpiastri and 45,099 others

yourinstagram turns out watching someone drive in circles for 2 hours isn't so bad after all 🏎️ proud of you @/oscarpiastri 🧡

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username1 OMGGGG

username2 look at little arloooo

francisca.cgomes So lovely meeting you! Welcome to the family ❤️

yourbff we have soooo much catching up to do

carmenmmundt You're a natural! Can't wait for Hungary

alexandrasaintmleux look who's becoming an f1 expert

↳ charles_leclerc Stop taking credit for this

↳ alexandrasaintmleux never 😌

↳ username1 HELLO??

username3 the WAGs adopting her immediately >>

username4 ARE THEY DATING??

username5 oh what a plot twist

username6 THIS IS GIVING ME LIFE

username7 so the key go getting an f1 driver to date you is getting a dog i see

username8 ARLO IS SO CUTE

oscarpiastri Best good luck charms ever 🤍

↳ username1 OSCAR STOP

↳ username2 i simply cannot do this

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texts between alex and yn

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oscarpiastri has added to their stories

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liked by carlossainz55, yourinstagram and 1,099,832 others

oscarpiastri First Grand Prix Win. Incredible 🧡 Thank you to the two lucky charms who changed everything

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username1 IM CRYING

username2 HELLO TWO LUCKY CHARMS ??

landonorris GET IN THERE MATE!! Proud of you 🧡

alex_albon THATS MY BOY

username3 IS HE TALKING ABOUT ARLO AND YN??

username4 im actually sobbing

username5 man won his first race and chose to be THIS cute about it

username6 SOMEONE SAID HE KEPT SHOWING HER THE TROPHY

georgerussell63 CONGRATS OSCO 🙌🙌

username7 from monaco meet cute to whatever this is im crying

username8 THIS IS ADORABLE OSCAR HELLO

username9 not to be parasocial but he's so in love

username10 THE WAY ARLO WAS THERE FOR HIS WIN

yourinstagram we're incredibly proud of you 🤍

liked by username1, username2 and 10,877 others

f1gossip From first F1 win to celebration dinner - Oscar Piastri living his best life in Budapest tonight! Sources say he couldn't stop smiling and kept calling her "my girlfriend" to everyone 👀

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username1 OH MY LORD

username2 is this oscar "i don't like pda" piastri??

username3 I CANNOT BELIEVE MY EYES

username4 the way this all started bc she lost her dog...

username5 I NEED THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME

username6 this is how we find out oscar is not single anymore

username7 EVERYBODY SAY THANK YOU ARLO

username8 lord i've seen what you've done for others

username9 the best meet cute in history

username10 THAT SHOULD BE ME

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, oscarpiastri and 60,826 others

yourinstagram home sweet home with my favorite race winner (and his trophy that he definitely didn't make me pack extra carefully) 🏆✨ still pinching myself about this weekend 🧡

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username1 CRYING

username2 the way we all watched this love story unfold

username3 most precious f1 couple no debate

landonorris Mans giving away his caps now?? love's changed him

lilymhe cutest neighbors ever! dinner tomorrow? 🤍

↳ yourinstagram count on it!

username4 LOOK AT ARLOOO I CANT

username5 i can’t believe oscar has a gf now

francisca.cgomes you two are goals honestly

mclaren Our lucky charm is back home! 🧡

username6 remember when she didn't know what DRS was 😭

username7 she's literally living the dream

username8 how to go from dog mom to f1 wag: a novel

alexandrasaintmleux my biggest masterpiece 🥹

↳ charles_leclerc STOP TAKING CREDIT

↳ alexandrasaintmleux NEVER

↳ yourinstagram arlo was the real matchmaker

username9 HOW DO I GET THIS LIFE

username10 they’re so in love i can’t

oscarpiastri My two favorite things in monaco ❤️

↳ yourinstagram three* don't forget the trophy

↳ oscarpiastri Trophy’s just a bonus 😘

liked by yourinstagram, landonorris and 1,549,022 others

oscarpiastri To the best wingman and matchmaker in F1 - thanks for running away that day in Monaco. Changed my whole life 🐾❤️ (YN says I need to stop spoiling him but look at that face)

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username1 IM FULL PN SOBBING NOW

username2 ARLOOOOO🥹🥹🥹

alex_albon most successful matchmaker in monaco

mclaren Our honorary team member 🧡

username3 i love one fairytale love story

alexandrasaintmleux YOU’RE ALL WELCOME

↳ username1 alex 😭😭

↳ charles_leclerc you're still not getting credit for this

↳ oscarpiastri It was all Arlo

username4 HE CALLED HIM HIS WINGMAN 😭

username5 from runaway dog to f1 power couple

username6 netflix writing this down rn

username7 cupid who? we only know arlo

nicolepiastri ❤️

username8 most iconic f1 meet cute ever

username9 the real mvp of the season

username10 OSCAR DOG DAD

yourinstagram our matchmaker 🤍