#and also i just hate the shelves
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Guess what it's my blog and we're going to talk about the Waiting Room now.
In the show, it seems rather boring at first glance. However, this is a LIE because they want to throw you off. There's only one chair, and it has a short leg. There's a weird spirograph-type piece of art on the wall. There's a fish tank, for some reason. There's a bunch of very strange shelves. And there's a giant clock on the wall. THIS IS NOT ALL. The normal entry door is invisible due to the paneling, and the back wall MOVES. It is also possible the clock moves to create loss of time and the floor slants, although these might be stress-induced hallucination. It is a perfectly designed horror liminal space, and, depending on who you put in there and why, I'm fairly certain it can be defined as psychological torture. It evokes the same kind of discomfort and lack of control that a convict being placed in solitary confinement experiences.
HOWEVER
In the books, it is entirely different, and arguably worse. Again, depending on the person. In the books, it is a completely dark room full of slimy black mud that isn't thick enough to stand on. It is also a very deep pit of mud, so anyone who enters for a period of time slowly starts sinking. It also has bugs in it.
Now. If you are not the type of person who is terrified of who you are waiting for, or if you are a person who typically enjoys defying the conventional, the show version shouldn't be much of an issue. The chair doesn't work? Find a way to fix it, or sit on the floor. The room is obviously set up so you have to face whoever is going to enter? Face the other direction. Look at the fish. Sit on the really weird and randomly empty shelves. There are many things that can be done physically about what the room is doing to you mentally. It is also easier for the people who are putting you through this ordeal to rationalize. "It's just an oddly decorated waiting room. There's nothing that bad about waiting"
But the book version is another story. One that I have many questions about. One, we learn later on that the mud is created and maintained by the room being connected to an underground stream. (It takes a long time to swim/dig through the mud and other obstacles to reach the stream, so it is not a viable escape option for anyone but Milligan) It also, as previously mentioned, houses a lot of bugs. We do not know what kind of bugs these are. And yet, since they are alive, they must be living off of something in there. Most bugs cannot just live off of mud. So, either the Executives are having to refresh the bug population from time to time (And where would they get the bugs? Do they collect them? Does Curtain purchase them and have them shipped to the island? Does no one question this?) Or the Waiting Room is its own mainly self-contained ecosystem. My prevailing tentative theory is that it was designed for research/as a science experiment and then either abandoned until Curtain needed somewhere to keep people or he deliberately made the decision that it was part of his interrogation methods for the agents he captured (before he brainswept them) and then he simply extended the use to interrogating students.
BUT ALSO
How did Curtain in the book convince teenagers/young adults to leave children in there? It is an entirely different ballgame to tell someone (especially a younger person who hasn't quite got the morals beaten out of them yet) that it is completely safe and not at all detrimental to leave ELEVEN YEAR OLDS in a pitch-black room of slimy mud and unknown creatures for any period of time! That must have left some damage to the Executives, or maybe they had already experienced it and were afraid to be threatened with it again. Either way, that's such a terrifying thing to anyone, especially a child, and especially since they seemed to choose to leave kids in there overnight (Maybe so it wouldn't interfere with too many classes?) and they wouldn't get any sleep. AND THEN the meaner Executives and Curtain would GASLIGHT THEM. "It's not such a bad place" "Nobody likes to wait, but it didn't hurt you" "Waiting can be unpleasant, but sometimes there's no help for it" and whatever else they said. We don't even hear about the Waiting Room from Sticky or one of the other kids who've been sentenced; they just get extremely upset and start crying.
What I'm saying is, while it was a very clever narrative tool and an unconventional way to raise stakes without causing physical harm to children, I can see why it was toned down for the show. However, I think it is a fascinating bit of plot that can be examined in a lot of different ways.
#also i'm not that scared of bugs#so i'd mostly be upset by the texture of the mud (it sounded so gross) and the anxiety it caused me#i'd still prefer the show version though#i'd just sit next to the fish tank#however those specific type of lights make my insides want to shrivel up and die#so i'd be very unhappy either way#and also i just hate the shelves#they're dumb#i was trying to go back through book one and see if s. q. ever mentions going to the waiting room#but i couldn't find anything#it would be an interesting situation#but i also think curtain probably wouldn't send him because most of his mistakes were from being excessively brainswept#but poor sticky was terrified from the mere mention of the waiting room and also the sole member who would have the hardest time#i think some of it is because he felt like he needed to be “normal” aside from his intelligence#so he never let himself explore out of the box solutions#or do things like sit on the floor to avoid the chair#but i was proud of him for the button idea!#mbs#the mysterious benedict society#no this wasn't brought on by @nobody33333333's latest chapter of “S.O.S” and what kind of science would explain it in-story#shush
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sp panel redraw bc im starved for janerezi content but im lazy as shit rn
#i hate the original scene in the books but. im just gonna ignore it. uh#lighting is fun to do sometimes. yayyyyyy multiply and overlay layers hooray#jane crocker#terezi pyrope#janerezi#roxy lalonde#june egbert#j egbert#john egbert#karkat vantas#vriska serket#art#redraw#scott pilgrim#i cant. anatomy. dies.#also ignore how all the shelves are empty im too lazy to draw a bunch of books
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I know it’s been said but I find it so weird when people demonise Dora. The one interaction that we get with her- the REAL her- in the whole game, she is extremely patient, despite the fact that Harry is calling her in the middle of the night and asking creepo shit like ‘are you sleeping naked’. We can infer through context clues that this has probably happened multiple times before, and yet she still knows no signs of ill-will towards Harry- she just seems tired and concerned.
And it would be completely within her right to be angry at him for harassing her, as well! Knowing how volatile Harry can be, perhaps she even learned through fear not to confront him. And yet, there still seems to be this perception that, out of the both of them, DORA was the abusive one, despite all evidence pointing to the contrary! It’s not even that I don’t think she wasn’t at least slightly abusive, given Harry’s disabilities and their class differences, but what I am saying is that it was likely mutual, and that, out of the two of them, Harry was worse.
Their relationship probably got horrible and toxic towards the end, of that I have no doubt. What I don’t get is why the fandom seems to believe that Harry, as he currently is, is in any way capable of viewing the relationship objectively. There’s ample evidence that he was violent, frequently misogynistic, and that the experience gap between him and Dora was significant, and yet people still take his worst thoughts at face value. That she’s a ‘war criminal’, that’s she’s a goddess- people seem to think Harry’s deification of her is the main issue, and not the opposite; his virulent hatred towards Dora, towards ‘Revacholian women’.
It just boggles me that people are so willing to believe that Harry was the only one truly hurt- that Dora’s decision to leave was made lightly. We don’t know exactly what happened, and what glimpses we do get are filtered horribly through Harry’s grief, but they were in a relationship for more than a decade! They were planning to get married! I don’t think Dora just up and left for Mirova one day- the way the dream conversation goes seems to suggest they hadn’t been together for a while.
There are so, so many things said during the final dream that are probably just Harry’s self-hatred masquerading as Dora/Dolores- and while I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of it did come from Dora, at other points in their relationship, I think it’s pretty obvious that the final dream is meant to be a confused muddle of Harry’s memories and grief. Why else would she appear as Dolores Dei? But, while no one ever explicitly says it, I feel like a lot of people want to believe that the way things are during the last dream is how they were in real life. That Dora really was cold and cruel to Harry- when in real life she appears as just the opposite, despite what he puts her through.
#and I know the answer as to why people do this is misogyny and also that we simply don’t get to know her very well on her own#and trust me I am well aware that Harry was also hurt badly by Dora. I am in no way trying to villainise him here#their relationship is obviously very complex and multifaceted with both sides being wrong at different points which is extremely realistic#that’s why I love it so much. what I don’t understand is why people will shelve these discussions in favour of woobifying harry#and once again I know the answer is just misogyny and that fandom hates complex female characters#ESPECIALLY if they’ve hurt a male character in some way. but the amount of flat surface level takes I’ve seen about these two…#let’s try and do a bit better instead of just boiling shit down to ‘Harry bad’ or ‘Dora bad’ yeah?#harry du bois#dora ingerlund#harrydora#dolores dei#disco elysium#de meta
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Shino raising his dead friends and friend's dog from the dead with the power of bugs as one friend's cousin watches [not clickbait]
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#bugs ment/#this mini arc is fucking wild actually what the fuck is going on#i am VERY definitely past everything ive seen before. both anime and manga.#which means this is all new. and i dont know whats going on hdskhfks#ino holding hands with shikamaru and choji (and making them hold hands) was really cute tho🥺🥺🥺#for circulating their chakra to keep them alive etc etc anyways those are her BOYS!!!!!! shes working so hard to keep them alive!!!!!!!!!#and then shino using his bugs to circulate the chakra of. two guys and a dog.#i love the focus being placed on him rn bc hes so rarely focused on. but also. it *is* kind of funny#i think it's akamaru. the dog. plus the bugs. hes literally just putting bugs on them so they'll move the chakra around#and doing it in the most Raising The Dead pose possible hflshfks god it's so funny#anyways genuinely why is kabuto going to such lengths to kill these four (plus a dog)#like hes got this whole plot hes committed 4 of his pawns to this. just sucking their souls outta their body bc Huh??#like ok shikamaru is a master tactician. i get him. and neji is a powerful jonin.#and choji is very strong Especially in conjunction with ino and shikamaru#that good old ino-shika-cho combo. you know.#then theres kiba and like kiba's strong but like. not all that special in the army??? like sorry kiba not to be mean#but like hes just a chunin. no special combos or insane intellect to set him apart.#he's a front liner. a good one! but ykno. not all that special in the army. sorry kiba.#the true answer for why these 4 (5 with the dog lol) were brought togegher for this#was for reminiscing about their failed sasuke retrieval arc. by the narrative.#but Also they have those same sound ninja 4 theyre up against. maybe those guys wanted to nab them bc of the grudge#and kabuto was just like 'sure yeah it wouldnt hurt to kill the nara and the hyuga'#actually im just now remembering his ninja info cards. freakish data collection on fucking everyone#and now here he is having grave robbed all over the goddamn place and prepped all the bodies with their weapons and what have you#taking the time to send these reanimated bodies towards their prior loved ones to take advantage of the personal turmoil#bro it's a fucking battlefield what??? how are you sending everyone to such specific people like that.#and then anko's just passed out behind him. she hasnt even been to the village since the pain attack. she is getting shelved SO bad#anyways kabuto's a little freak and i continue to hate him. grave robbing shithead.
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chuckles and scratches my head ermmm what if im a trans guy only and i’m just gnc …… heh
#from the shelves of costco#why am i!! going through this again sigh#gender sucks balls dude#“i’m a trans guy” “just kidding i’m transmasc but also a girl” “fuck i’m just a trans guy” RHAHJFJSJALDJWKAJ STOPPPPROODSKSJJEJSJS I HATE I#meeble someone pick my gender for me pls
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okay but why do people get so goddamn upset when you say that you dislike kids/being around kids???? i'm pretty sure no one is saying that kids should just straight up stop existing, or that kids shouldn't be allowed in any public place ever. when most people say they don't like kids it means that they're sick of hearing screaming for an hour and a half in the local walmart because some kid's parent won't buy them a ps5. they mean they're sick of hearing cocomelon on full blast while waiting in the purgatory that the checkout line. they're sick of nearly running a kid over with a shopping cart because said kid's idea of fun is laying on the floor in the middle of the aisle and their parent can't be bothered to tell them to get up. that's what people mean when they say they dislike kids.
no one (at least, no one i've ever heard of) is trying to physically accost children simply for existing in a public place. no one is trying to argue that children shouldn't exist, or be allowed in public places. i feel like some of you are forgetting that "man im 5 seconds away from killing this [x]" is a figure of speech and not actual homicidal ideation. god motherfuckin damn. get a grip
#scary crane rambles#not fandom#let's get serious#like. im sorry you desperately want to project your trauma onto random kids in the supermarket#but im pretty sure rolling on the floor and trying to climb the shelves aren't exactly Acceptable Supermarket Activities™#also does ''let kids be kids'' also extend to destructive temper tantrums??#if someone's straight up screaming at their kid in public for doing a little spin its one thing (and its also bad btw)#but if your coworker gets fed up with hearing several hours of screaming induced by tfw no ps5 i think its reasonable#also. there are literally places dedicated to kids having fun. are you guys aware of that#and none of them are the supermarket. none of them are the local walmart. hate to say it but its true#please for the love of god learn what a playground is. learn what a park is.#not trying to say you should leave your kids unattended there whenever you go shopping btw#im just saying there are in fact places for kids to have fun that arent the local walmart
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oh god why am i so bad at moving
#just gonna be a long day#might see about extending this uhaul rental#the thought of moving everything in my kitchen is giving me nightmares#especially since i'm moving to a place that the fridge isn't working in#D:#dry microwave food for me for a few days i guess#okay i have all the big stuff in the truck#BUT THE KITCHEN STUFF#why must i like cooking so much *sob*#also never had a pantry so i have a lot of moveable shelves#urgh#those are the worst#that's what messed me up last time#left everything on the selves because they have semi sides#but a glass bottle fell out and broke and the it took me forever to get the reek of teriyaki out of the uhaul#took me at least an hour and a half of just cleaning lmaooooo#am i going to do anything differently this time?#probably not#i hate putting things in boxes just to take them out >.>#okay#i am not going to stack them as tall at least#hopefully that's enough#and put the open sides towards the wall instead of the open middle of the truck#okay time to eat so i can finish step one: packing#and move to step two: unpacking
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I’m had a really cool idea for an episode of my cartoon, this one would probably be filler but whatever, I structure this the same as I do a book.
So it’s called the Museum of Pain. It’s EXACTLY what it sounds like. A museum of people suffering, displayed as art for that masses. I feel like this would lean away from the dreamy, floaty style the otherworld usually is in (in my head) and more into horror art.
It would be a commentary on how we just watch, sit by idly as we see people in pain because we are disconnected from each other.
Sounds cool right? I made all of that up it’s actually my disdain for “modern art.”
You wanna know why?
youtube
THIS! FUCKING! THING! I hate it so much. So naturally I am dedicating time and energy towards an entire episode of a cartoon towards it.
I plan to make it look unlike he rest of the dream world, which is colourful and has darker shades. This will be a blank canvas, white walls (like an art gallery) with the “art” front and centre. I have full ideas on how the main cast reacts to this.
Ash and Camilla are very disturbed by this, in different ways. Ash tends more towards anger at this, while Camilla tends towards sadness. Smiley is more indifferent.
However I have no idea what Clover’s reaction to this will be, because he kinda does the same thing, with his creations. He kills and tortures them. So idk what he’s going to think :). It should be an interesting exploration of his character
#anger and rage at stupid things#no hate to the artists#but it is stupid and i hate it#also i hope they’re alive#Youtube#this isn’t an attack on contemporary art forms it’s a complaint about so called modern art that is just plain stupid#manicali’s twisted daydreams#Knickknacks for my shelves
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CHAPTER 14: EMPTY HANDS AND EMPTY ROOMS
thank you for being so patient!! suddenly a month has gone by!!!
I think this fic will be 18 chapters total (and then turned into a book like A Matter Decided was, and it's going to have a secret book epilogue! I may not know what half of ch 17 will be but by god do i ever have a plan for this secret epilogue)(yes it's about Jakob, my favoritest one, how did you guess)(i love him!! shoutout to the commenter who talked about how jakob is getting all the significant beats that usually belong to the romantic partner in a fic, you are RIGHT, it's because he is SO IMPORTANT. i know i'm reading way more into this than probably casual readers would, but i want the narrative to treat him as important!! so he's getting the epilogue!! he gets to narrate!!! i love him)
that doesn't sound like a lot more fic but then i realize that means i still have to write ch 15, 16, 17, and 18 and uhhh that's forty pages right there, so it might be a second. you guys are so brave for reading this as it's written, and in fact, if you weren't, i would have stopped ages ago. thank you to everyone reading and commenting i love you and it is, in fact, written for you. Personally. I am holding your little face in my hands as I say this. This fic is being finished for you!!
#for all those homies who ask if they can bind the book to have on their shelves#an option that supports me!#anyways how tf has it been a month already i am in shock#time flies when you're unemployed and have TOO much time to write i guess#on the upside i fixed my icemaker#also I hate the new link post editor#i have lost my entire train of thought because im so consumed by anger#it doesn't let you edit the text of the link it just has the stupid 'new session a03' instead of the fic title i'm so ANGRY#the actual book summary will include him too and honestly the fic one should too but oops#i just like a REALLY short fic summary#i also like very minimal tags haha#i feel like i am behind the times on that one
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everything sucks so hard rn idk
#mischa isnt eating again all while screaming because shes hungry and pulling every single piece of plastic out of my shelves#all my bags straps and backpacks have saliva stains from her#she will jump into shelves and pull out dvds to lick#and there's no other food i can try#my paycheck lacks 500 euro because i was sick and im still 200 euro in the red after getting my paycheck today#and tomorrow is the tooth surgery and ive been trying to call my dentist because he only applied for 2 of 3 teeth#at my insurance#and these 2 will be over 1k already after my insurance will pay their part#at least the sedation isnt as strong as i thought so i can go home by myself and dont have to rely on any unreliable people#after my mom accused me of making mischa have diarrhea on purpose because the food company changed the recipe and i gave her 1 bag#she hasnt talked to me and im definitely not going to be the one to start a conversation with her because im usually better off without her#so its nice that i dont have to ask her for her assistance tomorrow#just gonna do everything alone like usual#also work is so UUUGGGHHHHH and sucks so hard all my coworkers ignore what i say and just go to other people behind my back to do my job#im stress eating so much all my favorite clothes dont fit anymore and i hate looking in the mirror#i wanna go swimming but i just dont have the energy i just wanna curl up and dont have a body#also i have a comic idea written down for several months now and i wanna finish it for mothers day but i feel so discouraged#wehh#im also so stressed i clawed so much at my face its full of bloody spots i look so bad#every morning my neighbors i dont even share a wall with turn on their super broken washingmachine at 7 am#and it sounds so broken and its so loud it sounds like someone is drilling a hole into the wall for 40 -120 ?>#mins#i haven't been able to sleep properly for like a month#when i go into work everyone is just like oof you dont look good#thanks i know
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fellow BN employee, i also judge other stores when i go LOL i think we all have the sense of “damn bitch u live like this??” bc i personally love being a hater <3
LMAO i love that it's not just me. i mean, we definitely all do it now that i think about it. sometimes when the keyholders have to help at other stores they always let us know how fucked the other stores are and i live for the drama. i love knowing they're doing worse than us. i'm sure the same would apply to anyone coming to this store. we'd get humbled by our awful libros, art/photography, and religion sections 😭
#psy's replies#asks#anonymous#our libros section is legit embarrassing i feel so bad for spanish speakers just trying to buy books#i'd love to take a crack at fixing it but the truth is the problem runs deeper than it being disorganized#we need like. three more bays to be honest with you. then maybe it'd be alright.#they waste so much time on study aids and reference-- books NOBODY BUYS-- and gave libros... 4 bays? i think?#meanwhile study aids and reference have probably. 7 bays if i'm counting correctly#you could get rid of two of those and give them to libros it'd be a little better. hell if that whole wall could be libros#instead of 3 libros and 3 ref bays it'd be better#we have so much libros overstock bro you don't even know. a full h-cart (though it also shares a couple shelves with manga)#and a v cart of libros. plus the libros on the actual overstock shelves#we have a decent spanish-speaking base around here and yet no room for their books. it sucks#there is not 1 face out in libros bcs it's so packed!!!!!!#ok iu'm done ranting we just all hate that section KRKF and it sucks bcs we can't rly help people who need help there#bcs we don't fucking understand the section either at this point-#buuuut whatever
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I'm so excited to move out....
I can't sleep😫
#bruh#i also just realized that I forgot to pack yesterday while I was off#so ill have to pack today#start some laundry#dump my ex's clothes out of my tote#unload dishwasher#pack my clothes#prep stuff for my dad to help me move#KITCHEN TABLE?! FUCK#im definitely moving the cat last to try and avoid issues with her#i need to buy cat food and food bowl#set up the gravity water for my ex's cat (just because you dont like your ex doesn't mean you abuse their pet... I fucking love his cat...*#* She's basically my baby now... seriously I have that cat spoiled lol... If I can work out a living situation where I dont have to move in*#* with my cousin.... Im GONNA adopt another cat. i love cats)#i shouldn't have too much to move since I've downsized... a lot... sold my mini-fridge 😭 made the -easy- decision to leave my furniture*#*(an old power-lift chair that no longer works. some Mainstays shelves and entertainment center - they're almost 10 years old. cost $50 and*#*are made from particle board. they've been moved 3 too many times and they're falling apart) these were hard decisions tbh#im leaving a complete set of Mainstays dishes (cheap. i dont want them. my ex needs dishes. etc)#my mind is awake with all these plans... but I have to work tonight and i need to sleep (luckily I went to bed early)#i need a shower caddy. another (dedicated) dressing gown. a Jeep Wrangler (i hate them but they can tow mid sized campers and like. if I en*#*enjoy living like I will... Maybe I'll just make it my lifestyle) I know well-off people have made unconventional living trendy. but like.*#*Im a poor and it's more viable to live in the camper my parents bought on relatively cheap campgrounds#bro
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people finishing apratments to sell have no taste whatsoever. the amount of ugly ass flat pictures I’ve seen today is highly depressing.
#nothing important#would it kill you to add anything warm to the sterile white plastic broken by fake white/black marble and more black plastic oh my god#peak moment was encountering a mediocre generic b&w NYC Panorama foto wallpaper positioned in the kitchen in between#the counter and the shelves#it just goes so well with your direct view onto the city bus depot and a parking lot#also tiles EVERYWHERE.#I hate it here#give me bare walls working water/electricity grid and nice floors I can take it from there jfc
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hm.
#how do i tell my sister that while i appreciate the thought it is in fact not nicer if she takes the couch occasionally and lets me have my#room sometimes. first of all i HATE disruptions like this it's kind of even more distressing 2 be able 2 sleep in#my own room for one night and then i can't again!!! that sucks net zero!!! second of all She Has My Quilt.... trying very hard 2 be normal#and chill about this and not like it's one of the few things i really really really hate other people using & causes me distress etc.#also like i explicitly said 'hey haha don't do this please' & then she did anyway. which she does!!! i forgot about that!!!#also like man i dont fucking want to sleep on someone's used sheets & blankets that's gross. so im arguably less cosy than i would be. gggh#this all seems like.... very minor and stupid im sure however man im like constantly in a state of middling to severe distress over this#shit. because i in fact also hate people going through my shit or being in my room and also having no privacy however#im very good with suppressing and or masking how much i hate it usually!!!!! but dude she fucking hung her laundry & underclothes#to dry or air on top of my fucking books on my shelves. like. ghghhh hate it hate it cant SAY i hate it because of the everything!!!#ok. sorry. minor pressure cooker escape valve complaining over now im gonna go sleep awkwardly on top of the blankets on my own bed with#some throw blankets. leaving my door open for the beafts if she closes it in the morning bc she thinks she knows what i want ill scream.#txt#neg#this is like private kvetching btw ok i love her dearly it's just unbelievably frustrating.
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So, I have 14.5 unread books in my room, which inspired me to count how many (fiction) books I have in my bedroom, and the answer is 262. And I have at least 3 more on pre-order. Ugh, I wish I hadn't gotten rid of a bunch of books when I was in middle school. I would definitely have at least 300 by now if I hadn't...
(And an ever-growing number of them are books by writeblr people!!)
#262 books is a reasonable number to have in one's bedroom I think...#totally normal and healthy amount of books.#no I wasn't a lonely and friendless child. why do you ask? /sarcasm#morrigan.text#delete later#(maybe)#personal#my two large shelves are completely full and I'm starting to stack books in front of other books which I hate doing.#but my other option is put books on my 3rd shelf which would be fine except I have nowhere to put said 3rd shelf#so it's just sitting smack dab in the middle of my floor.#which is annoying#also it has stuffed animals on it#so I would need to find somewhere else to put them#if anyone is interested I'll share a pic of the 14 unread books I have waiting on my floor.#I'd also be willing to share the books I have by writeblr folks if anyone wants any recs in that department.#basically if you want book recs ask me. There is nothing I love more than giving other people book recommendations...
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the parents are going up north for a couple of days thank FUCKING god its not enough but i havent been able to be insane in peace since FUCKING october and its . not to sound dramatic but Not Good For My Mental Health which i obviously cant let them know partly cos its not All their fault but also because im (irrationally!!!!!! irrationally) afraid theyll kick me out the second i say anything even remotely negative even jokingly. anyway my grand plan while theyre gone is to lie on couch and stare at ceiling (but, importantly, in the living room and not in my bedroom) and . well translating all the dollars trilogy event fics into finnish probably. insert that celibacy gif but edited so it says unemployed.
#also i will probably look at potential apartments#this is made harder by my shit brain being all 'am i unreasonable for wanting [very reasonable thing] even though i am me*'#* me and specifically me wanting things in general is bad and not allowed how dare i (source: hell brain)#(also bear in mind whenever i move out i dont want to move again in a Very long time to in ideal case ever. hate moving)#(i dont need a Lot i just want. my bed in a Properly Separate space from my living room. a space to call my own)#(back when i lived in turku the apartment had an alcove that literally only fit my bed. there were shelves above my bed & a few closets too#(couldnt even open all the closet doors properly but honestly thats the sort of Separate Space For My Bed that i mean)#(also there has to be enough space for a washing machine in the bathroom or i Will die)#(none of this is Unreasonable really)#(i dont have to live close to the city center i need a grocery store within walking distance & a bus and or tram stop close by)#(WHYYYYY is my brain playing this hell game here im having a shit time as is)
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