#and also how do non-white folk fucking deal with the insult of being asked where theyre from

[composeregg]

Fun 5am facts about Egg tonight

I was marked down in Spanish in high school for not rolling my R's because I am like physically incapable of it and I never realized how bullshit that was until like now. Like when I try it hurts. And no one listened to me say I can't, they just told me to try harder.

[jaxsteamblog]

I started writing an outline for a non existent Flower Shop AU series but it just turned into Loving Avatar Thuy Hours.

Here are some great things about Avatar Thuy (SUPER long post because I love Thuy):

She tells her folks that she’s a girl around the same time she tells them about the bald man who taught her to sling mud. Because there’s not a lot of gendered differences in the Swamp Tribe, the trans thing wasn’t a big deal. Finding out their daughter was the Avatar, on the other hand, REALLY WAS.

The concept of “kin” (FOLKLORE TERM) and the connection of all life in the swamp via the root system has a profound spiritual effect on Thuy. She can perfectly call up any Avatar and, as she gets older, can channel them easily when in the Avatar State. For the on-screen Avatars, here’s Thuy’s hot takes:

Wan- She is Not A Fan. Doesn’t like how he shifts between being super cocky and super insecure. Wishes he had not closed off the Spirit Realm. (Not like it worked, as she gestures angrily around the swamp)

Yangchen- When Thuy learned about Fairy Godmothers from a book of Fairy Tales someone brought into the Swamp, this is immediately who Thuy thought of. Yangchen was always calming and patient, and listened every time Thuy would rant about her cousins stealing a toy or when someone pushed her into the swamp. Family is big in the Swamp and Yangchen became another mother.

Kuruk- He can’t handle kids. He also cannot handle the concept of hick Waterbenders. He is a North Pole Waterbender and (SPOILERS) fell for a high class Fire Nation Lady so, he does not like the Swamp. The Swamp is not a fan of his either.

Kyoshi- TBH Thuy was intimidated by her at first. However, when puberty hit, they talked a lot about body dysmorphia and what it means to be a woman. Thuy was able to accept her body with the continued help of Kyoshi. 

Roku- Roku is a story-teller. He told Thuy about the start of the war, and his time with Sozin. He talked about Azulon and what the royal family used to be like. Thuy was fascinated by the Fire Nation, wondering how such a mythological sounding people could do something so human like wage war.It allowed her to think of the Fire Nation as something more than just The Enemy.

Aang- The first Avatar to greet her. He was her confidante and like a very fun grandpa. He taught her to meditate and throw mud pies (breaking the rules by tiptoeing into Earthbender territory). He talked about the war as it was happening, and explained to her how important it was that she grow up safe. He talked about his kids and asked her about the Swamp. He explained how important it was to understand how all things, all nations, were connected and to make friends in every nation. He told her about Zuko, and about his grandkids. Especially Rohan, who might know a thing or two about pronouns. 

Sometimes, catgators are tame enough to keep near the residents. However, this is similar to things we see in the news when people keep exotic pets. Tame does NOT equal domestic, and bad things happen. So when Thuy shows up with Mister Whiskers, Everyone Is Quite Alarmed. 

Catgators, like real life catfish, are also borderline cryptids. No one knows how old they get. Or how big.

I imagine catgators move like alligators and can be surprisingly fast for their flat, fat bodies. Remember kids, run in a zig zag because they WILL get you.

I am from Florida. I live in Florida once again. My family has lived in Florida since we came to this country. I was “poor white trash” and had an accent. I am NOT indigenous (see above comment about coming to this country). I give Thuy a lot of traits from what I remember about growing up, things I know about the rural south via my family, and throw in the pieces I like from canon. I also want to explore topics that are indigenous specific like what’s happening to the Amazon and the continued sins my country commits on native and/or sacred land. As a sensitivity point: I do not wish to ever write about the trials and tribulations of these issues. That is for native people, as they are the ones who truly understand the generational trauma surrounding it. What I would hope to do is bring awareness to real world situations where we as non-indigenous people can assist.

Don’t let them cut down the Amazon y’all for real. And blowing up Mount Rushmore is RIDICULOUS.

Thuy loves people. Because she’s so used to being around a supportive community, and being a teenager, she doesn’t understand when adults are rude or mocking at first. 

However, she is VERY secure about who she is as a person. Her family and tribe has always supported her, so she has a very strong foundation. It takes a lot to rock her. Mostly, she gets embarrassed when people call her out or make fun of her for being loud and overly excited.

She is scared to meet Katara at first, because she learns a little about what Katara did in the war. What and who she lost. She feels bad that she wasn’t there. Thuy doesn’t know how to start a conversation with her, which is bad because Thuy not so secretly wants to replace Kuruk with Katara as her Water Tribe connection. She doesn’t want to go to Arnook, who lost his daughter, or Hakoda, who lost his wife, and Sokka is in the same category as Katara, obviously.

Suki finds her freaking out. And remember, Thuy is a close friend of Kyoshi. They talk and Suki relaxes Thuy by putting the Avatar in Kyoshi robes. Sokka finds them with Thuy thoroughly disguised and, I might actually write this scene so you’ll have to wait.

Thuy likes Azula at first because she is oddly fascinated by the performative femininity of the Fire Nation. Azula is powerful, confident, and very feminine, and that intrigues Thuy. But Azula is Azula and has very little interest in some backwater peasant, even if she is the Avatar.

Toph embraces everything about the Swamp Tribe, as does Rohan, so they are the ones Thuy is the closest to. Toph, as a more destructive Gyatso, figures out how to rig a pressurized device that launches mud projectiles and the two of them wreck havoc at fancy Beifong dinner parties. Rohan takes the technology up a notch and they all terrorize the Air Temples. Doesn’t have the same impact, because they all survived Aang. Toph teaches Thuy to take no shit and give no fucks.

Thuy is insecure about her inability to communicate with the Spirits. Having grown up in the swamp, she could see them and heard how other people ran into them. Especially the refugees that were allowed in. The Spirits seemed to guide certain people to Thuy, which meant they didn’t hate her, but they never seemed to engage. The only thing she could think of was Wan and blamed him unfairly for a long time.

Thuy does a traditional education as the Avatar. She works for a few years with Toph, having a basis in earthbending already from Aang. Crystalbending is her special talent and Toph dismisses it as playing with jewelry (but never discourages her pupil ofc). 

Jinora is Thuy’s airbending teacher and spiritual advisor. She is very good about calming Thuy when she continues to have this disconnect with the Spirits, but is unable to help her overcome it.

Tenzin deems Rohan too irresponsible but allows them to ferry Thuy around so they still teach the Avatar new things. Plus, in this world, there’s a secular sect of Airbending that Bumi - Aang’s son and an Airbender since apparently all Air Nomads are Benders?? - started during the war. They have a very loose relationship with the Air Nomad commitment to non-violence and can live in permanent residences. They are required to do their initial training at the temples, but many go back to their homes, don’t shave their heads, don’t live a monastic life, etc. Rohan goes back and forth about their place, but ultimately takes over as the head of the secular branch. It appeals to Thuy more and they take their role very seriously because of the responsibility. 

Zuko teaches Thuy firebending. His adaptations to include other styles makes it easier for Thuy to pick up, though she still learns the basics at the Royal Academy for Girls (where she meets Suzu and Zula). 

Katara is Thuy’s “master.” She helps Thuy navigate the political world and they work together on the Water Tribe restoration and re-unification plans. Katara oversees the training schedules, the visitations, the summits, the tributes, and every other bit of minutiae. She also gives Thuy a break and they hang out doing Waterbender stuff.

Sokka and Suki teach Thuy non-bending martial arts. Thuy can kick your ass in a multitude of ways basically.

Thuy gets her Avatar Companions at very different stages. You’d think they wouldn’t get along, but Thuy has collected them and they like her, so they make it work.

Suzu and Zula (those are their names, not nicknames) are twins. They are Firebenders and are not related to the royal family at all. They grew up near the palace, went to the Royal Academy for Girls, and were sent to the palace to keep Thuy company and it was supposed to be very formal and politically advantageous for their parents. Except they actually became friends with Thuy and escaped the Fire Nation to go on adventures, which their parents did not like.

Suzu is a blend of Azula and Ty Lee in my mind. She is named in honor of Fire Lord Sozin. (Her family is SUPER into Fire Nation superiority) She is cheerful and enjoys playing around. She and Thuy get overly excited about things together instead of being “mature” and “above such things” as many noble girls tell them repeatedly. Her “Azula” traits come out when someone insults her family or Thuy. She ends up learning chi blocking from Ty Lee. Suzu is not to be left unsupervised.

Zula is a blend of Azula and Mai. She is “the eldest” and does everything her parents tell her to do, even if she hates it. She is named in honor of Fire Lord Azulon (and I guess Azula?). She ends up becoming an instructor at the Royal Academy for Girls until Thuy whisks her away to go adventuring. Zula hates the rigid society among the nobles and very happily dashes off. Can’t say no to the Avatar right??? Her firebending skill is in marksmanship. She can and will singe the sleeve of some snotty little noble from across the room if they irk her. She learns to bend lightning from Iroh and even Thuy is a little scared.

When Thuy moved from her earthbending lessons and onto air, Toph opened up her metalbending academy to have something to do between professional bending competitions. Jae-hwan was a late addition because he couldn’t afford the fees. Then he found out that the fees were arbitrary because Toph is a Beifong and she gave him a room to stay in. Thuy met him when she visited her Sifu and he, not knowing she was the Avatar, stole her purse as a joke. When he did find out, instead of freaking out, started to make fun of her because some lowly Earthbender orphan was able to steal the Avatar’s wallet. He never lets her forget that or any other embarrassing thing he witnesses.

Tashi is very quiet. He surprised everyone by choosing to join Urban Dust, the secular branch of the Air Nomads, instead of continuing on at the temples. People thought he would become a great sage and possibly live old enough to see the next Air Nomad Avatar. But Tashi is a true child of the sky and would live on his Sky Bison Dawa if he could. He does not like being on the ground for long and frequently disappears to go flying. Tashi specifically asked that Rohan be his mentor, again shocking everyone, but Rohan understood. Getting older, Rohan calms down and becomes very philosophical. Tashi finds them to be very wise and they contemplate the nature of things together. Thuy appreciates the one friend of hers that would never end up in jail with her. Tashi brings the bail money. Tashi also hides the body. Tashi can keep secrets.

Aktuk was born and raised in the North Pole. His father is a waterbending master and his mother is a waterbending healer. His older sister is a waterbending prodigy. He lost his leg during his ice dodging ceremony when the boat crashed. As a non-Bender, he had almost drowned and has a fear of the open sea. He makes his own prosthesis and is very into mechanics. When Thuy attended a festival in the North Pole, they had collided because Aktuk was carrying a bunch of parts and material for a project and didn’t see her. Freaking out, Aktuk tried to scurry away as quickly as possible but Thuy kept asking him questions. When she asked how he kept his leg from freezing, Aktuk immediately started to infodump and forgot about being scared. Thuy had to drag him around for awhile, because Aktuk had been basically taught to defer to Benders, but they refused to let him. Suzu and Zula hated the reminder of Fire Nation propriety, Tashi accepted everyone, and Jae-hwan only cared if people were paying attention to him. Thuy and Aktuk date for awhile, but part amicably after they grow into different people.

Thuy saves the world and I steal Korra’s ending for her own. She balances the Spirit World and the Physical World, opening up the portals. She brings back DRAGONS.

Zuko and Katara ultimately retire. Their daughter Izumi becomes Fire Lord. Sokka and Suki’s daughter Kya surprises everyone when they find out she’s a Waterbender and sits on the Water Tribe triumvirate as the chief of the South Pole. Kya and Izumi, having been born on the same day, terrify the rest of the world with their closeness. They consider themselves more like sisters than cousins and have to be repeatedly talked back from their plans to rule the world. They aren’t killing machines, more that they think they know what’s best and only listen to each other. Sometimes Lu Ten. But ALWAYS Suzu. 

Rohan becomes the head sage of the Urban Dust and creates a flying society that freaks everyone out for awhile. Tashi goes to the Spirit World for a long time and comes back, a little weird. IDK, I have stuff to explore with him. It’s not bad, just very different. 

Suzu marries a nice, minor Fire Nation lord and settles down to teach firebending in his rural home. She adores the royal children and they adore her. When Suzu shows up at either the Fire Nation palace or the South Pole, other people know it’s because either Izumi or Kya were planning something.

Zula never leaves Thuy and they travel together forever. Are they together? IDK, it might just be my attempt to fix (what I think is wrong with) k*rr*sami tbh. 

Toph DOES end up going to the Swamp, but her family knows about it and visits her often. Toph does not become a cop ffs, she becomes Willy Wonka but without the candy and slave labor. Lin tries to head the Beifong family after her mother just leaves one day, but she is much more suited to being a metalbending instructor. Once Suyin settles down, she gently pries the Beifong stuff from her sister’s terrified hands and does a really good job at managing Gaoling. They both studied under the Avatar for a little bit, and their rivalry came about with Suyin getting along better with Thuy. 

Sokka, pulling an Iroh, never leaves his flower shop. People ask him if he’s THE Sokka, brother of the Queen of the Water Tribes, brother-in-law to the Fire Lord, friend of the Avatar, then the father of the South Pole chief and he always goes “No, I just look like him and we have the same name.”

He often says this while Zuko is sitting with him behind the counter, drinking tea. 

Aktuk helps rebuild the South Pole and the Water Tribe navy is reborn. The Earth Kingdom is shook. Toph introduces him to another Swamp Tribe member and he marries her. He loves the Swamp. The Swamp Tribe gains a lot more replacement limbs that were lost to catgators. 

Jae-hwan has a hard time letting go of the metalbending academy. He basically grew up there, and spent every free moment there if he wasn’t travelling with Thuy. When Toph has kids, he realizes he had thought of her as his mom and freaks out. She assures him that it’ll be okay. Before she runs off to the Swamp, she legally adopts him, making him a Beifong. He opens more metalbending academies but runs the one in Gaoling because of familial pride. He encourages Lin to take up pro-bending, and becomes a coach when the mixed bending circuit opens. Rohan is OBSESSED with mixed bending matches. 

Ultimately, Thuy gets to relax in a way Avatars had been unable to for many cycles. The Water Tribe navy keeps the coastal city-kingdoms in the Earth Kingdom in check, while also reinforcing the United Republic. With the Swamp Tribe literally in the Earth Kingdom, the city-kingdoms become more firmly established and the Earth King becomes the Earth Emperor, but has to manage all of the city-kingdoms and it’s just a lot you guys he is so tired. The Fire Nation goes through an artistic renaissance under Zuko’s rule and the former colonies turn into industrial powerhouses. They are an economic force unto themselves and protect the Fire Nation from Earth Kingdom advances. 

With the world in relative harmony, Thuy travels often, since her friends and family have settled all over the world. Mister Whiskers grows to ENORMOUS size and they put him in a wagon when they go around. He does not eat people (anymore) but the wagon still warns others not to get too close. 

Zula is always there, with her RBF and scary fast bending. Thuy is still prone to gleeful outbursts and Zula smiles lovingly. They like to read together and will fall asleep resting on Mister Whiskers as they all bask in the same sunny spot. 

Aw crap, they are together.

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 5x12 Checkpoint

aka i can punch a 60-year-old

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.

And I don’t really have hot takes about today’s episodes, other than Slayers should get paid. It’s both a fun romp and a big plot reveal-y ride (after all, it was co-written by Jane Espenson and Doug Petrie), but I spent most of it yelling at old fictional dudes to fuck off.

First of all I just want to say that I’m disappointed. No one’s taken on my request to point me to some college AU Buffy/Tara fics and that’s just tragic. Do I really have to do everything by myself here???

I guess we all gotta be our own heroes.

Speaking of which, let’s talk a bit about how much I love Buffy, and how I can’t stand listening to these men trying to put her down.

Her history professor for instance is the fucking worst. I don’t actually have a lot of insight into how college level education of non-STEM subjects look like, but I really hope that it’s not this. These are the kinds of subjects that you should have opinions and perspectives about, and NOT be made fun of for questioning poorly substantiated facts.

I get that Buffy was mumbling in the middle of the class, which is not a good form, and maybe the theory she presented has been debunked by historians and whatnot, but the humiliation aspect was just bullshit. Professor No Hot Takes can get fucked as far as I’m concerned.

And then Quentin and his minions come along, and they have the fucking audacity to pull the blackmail card after they tried to kill Buffy with their “test” back in season 3. Because the Slayer is just an instrument and she’s their instrument. And once Buffy dies, there will be surely another Slayer who’s gonna be more okay with that. So much yikes.

I hate them all so much. When Buffy said that she can’t hit a 60-year-old, I literally just yelled “YES, YOU CAN”. Quentin is the face of old white privileged men who feel constantly threatened by any new power structure threatening their own patriarchal advantage in society. You should feel free to punch that face. Giles even offered up his own fists for the job.

So yeah, it is insanely satisfying when Buffy goes the fuck off on them at the end. Quentin talks big at the beginning of the episode about how Buffy’s dealing with “adults” relating to himself and his company, but Buffy’s the only real adult in this room.

There are moments that Buffy is doubting herself and her abilities. She’s also not sure if she always made the right call or if she’s prepared; but that only shows that she still has the potential for growth and self-examination. And after everything that she’s hit with during the episode, she’s pushed to put those doubts aside when needed, and embrace the power that she knows she has.

That all being said... I have questions about Giles’ Watcher salary. I kind of wish for instance that Buffy also negotiated a salary of her own, as that would actually... make sense? But then again, it would put her under the Council’s control, so I get it. I still think that Giles should just transfer most if not all of the money he gets over to Buffy, but I guess the Council would know about that too, so we’d end up in the same position? I don’t know, it’s all very sketchy if you ask me.

Still, it is ridiculous that there’s this whole institution that’s supposed to help the Slayer save the world, and they offer absolutely no financial or other support. (See also Faith’s entire storyline.) It’s probably an intentional commentary that reflects some of our own societal dynamics, as we see once again from Quentin’s speech just how lowly the Council thinks of the Slayer... But it’s ridiculous nonetheless.

I just hate the entire Council so much. They should all be punched.

But hey, it’s not just men that Buffy’s up against. We’ve also got which might be one of my favorite Glory scenes this episode (jury’s out, I’m probably forgetting a lot) as she visits Buffy. In some ways, Glory too is putting Buffy down, but while all the men insulting Buffy throughout the episode are trying to present themselves as her superior as they feel threatened by her power and intelligence, Glory is pretty much just stating facts.

Buffy has something that she needs and if she doesn’t cooperate, she’ll kill her and her friends. Which she can do because she’s already demonstrated that she can beat Buffy in a fight. Glory isn’t the Spike-type of villain, who gets under Buffy’s insecurities and makes her destroy herself from the inside. She just tells her that she could punch the life out of her and everyone she loves. I appreciate that.

I also love Dawn in this scene. I always read her line here as intentional, as her way of using her insufferable bratty little sister impulses to her advantage to prove to Glory that she doesn’t know anything. But even if it isn’t intentional, I still love that it’s what ends up saving her. We bratty little sisters gotta stick together!!!

The show’s also building the dynamic with Spike and Buffy I guess, with her actually trusting Spike with her family. I feel like there are a few factors that came into here though, like Buffy being aware of how Spike’s been trying to get into her good graces, and maybe just the sheer desperation to keep Joyce and Dawn safe... But then again, it may also be that porch scene, and Buffy expecting Spike to somehow understand what she needs in this moment too.

I expect to have a lot of complicated feelings about this ship with this rewatch, ngl.

Finally, I wanted to give a shout out to the beginning of the episode, and how there are a few call backs to Triangle. Xander still has his hand bandaged for one, but most importantly, Willow and Anya are sitting next to each other on the couch??? Pre-Triangle Wanya would never.

We are only four episodes away from The Body, folks. Pray for me.

[thedeadflag]

So, I'm reading this fic, a HP AU of The 100, and I'm not that far into it, but so far it's been very good, and then there's a fight between Raven, a muggle born, and Fox, a pure blood, because Raven keeps ranting about the purebloods awfulness, which I totally agree with her, in a general way, as if every pureblood is like that and it hurts Fox, because she is a pureblood and she's not like that, and Raven knows that she isn't, but she still talks in general terms about purebloods and (1/?)

like, I understand and agree with what she means, but, being myself a white man who sees a lot of generalization on tumblr about things white men do, I understand how it can hurt your feelings to be lumped together with people you disagree with, and so I don’t think Fox is wrong on this matter, but then Raven gets angry, because it’s not like Fox suffers any restrictions or reproaches from society, while Raven, because she is muggleborn has to deal with a lot of shit from purebloods and (2/?)

and Raven says a lot of hurtful, mean things, saying that purebloods are a bunch o inbreds and that, basically, Fox should just suck it up, because there are people, the muggleborns, that are persecuted just because they weren’t bred, and like, I understand Raven, I do, some purebloods can be downright disgusting, but like, saying this thing to your friend just because she is a pureblood just, to me, feels a little too much like being discriminated for being muggleborn, and I guess (¾)

what I’m asking is, what do you think on this matter, seeing that it can be translated to current issues, issues of color, religion, sexuality, gender. (4/4)

Okay, so this is going to be long, because there’s some important lessons here on interacting with marginalized people.

Muggle-born folks are, within the context of the magical world in the Harry Potter Universe, an oppressed group. That’s just facts. There’s purebloods, halfbloods, and then muggle-born. Only thing deemed worse in some ways is a Squib, due to being from magical parents but lacking magical prowess, who are considered traitors to their blood, the purity of their people. Squibs put the ‘natural superiority’ of their people (or, at least, the argument of superiority) at risk by not being magical, and thus not carrying their people’s power that’s used to prop up their standing in society as superior to halfbloods and especially muggle-born folks

This sets up a pretty easy race/ethnicity allegory (that is also inherently infused with classism) from what I’ve seen, heard, and read in the books (I made it partway through the books, watched all the films, have a large number of HP fanatic friends).

Which means Raven can talk shit about purebloods all she wants if she’s muggle-born in that story. Maybe it might be a little mean of her sometimes depending on her word choice if she’s directing it at Fox, but honestly, marginalized people need to be able to vent their hurt and anger and frustration in order to be healthy. It’s a legitimate need that’s backed up by decades of science. Our friends and allies need to understand this and not take it personally.

Like, even remarks like “They’re all inbred!”, which might seem to be an insult against purebloods, would really just be a commentary on how purebloods aggressively discriminate and wield their power to the point where even in their relationships, only other purebloods are good enough, pure enough, valuable enough, worthy enough to be their partners (or sometimes even just their friends). It’s letting out anger that you and your people are so thoroughly deemed worthless and lesser-than. it’s turning the discrimination she faces into an attack to try and reclaim the violence done to her people. 

Marginalized groups tend to discuss their oppression at a social level, not an individual level, since discussing things like racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. at an individual level basically never accomplishes anything except maybe, at best, a good venting session about a single person who upset them. These are social processes. They attack whole groups of people, not individuals, and by default, conversations and material about them will be on a social level unless explicitly noted otherwise.

When someone says, for instance (and to make this simple and easy for me to explain from my pov), that all cis people are transphobic, we’re saying intent does not matter, because society weaponizes cis people against trans people whether you’re aware of it or not, and usually promotes you being unaware of it (on top of all the largely invisible privileges that status offers). It doesn’t matter if someone wanted to hurt us, it just matters that we were hurt. Everyone’s raised in a thoroughly transphobic society, one cis people benefit from by being cis, and one where any inactivity or indifference or neutral stance on transphobia is, in effect, helping the reproduction of that oppression, because we do not live in a neutral society…we live in a society that actively oppresses large amounts of people in varying ways, and so any decision not to fight that oppression, not to attack the benefits cis folks gain from that oppression, is essentially a decision to permit that oppression. The marginalized, after all, are not responsible for overcoming their oppression…that’s the oppressing class’ responsibility, to work with the marginalized to dismantle those structures.

Society conditions us with thoughts and beliefs about marginalized peoples and buries them in our ‘common sense’ to be used via gut reactions, and unchallenged ‘truths’. Everyone, everyone needs to put in the work to unlearn these. It’s more visible for marginalized folks, since our oppressions tend to stand out when they’re directed at us, but it’s more important for those in power to put in the work to unlearn. That can be hard if they might not actually see themselves reproducing harm, or clearly recognize what is or isn’t harmful.

This is much larger than individual people. None of this is solely a single individual’s responsibility, but it is the responsibility of categories of people. Like, if you’re white, it’s your responsibility to be active in unlearning racism, and seeking out poc voices to manage that. Same deal for for privileged folks in relation to marginalized folks across just about any axis. If you’re not putting in the work, you’re effectively helping retain the status quo, and it’s important to be mindful of that. It’s important that folks do what they can, not just what they’re comfortable with, not just some notion of ‘if I treat everyone equally, I’m fine’ because that’s a non-solution, and it’s rarely that folks will end up treating everyone equally anyways, since they won’t have assessed the biases and stigmas guiding their common sense and instincts and gut reactions.

Cis folks can be visibly nice and still contribute to our oppression and harm us in ways they may or may not be unaware of. Malicious intent is not required for something to be transphobic, but even if it WAS, it’s very easy to attribute malicious intent to society as a whole, given it’s been operating a genocide against trans people for ages.

Far too often, when we vent about transphobia to our friends and family, we eventually experience hostility and aggression from them, and they experience burnout. Because I know my friends wouldn’t like me complaining a dozen plus times a day about varying instances of transphobia I face. Maybe a small handful every few days, but eventually I get the “Jeez, stop being so negative/sensitive/etc.” or the “well, I’m not like that!” remarks. Or, if I’m venting to coworkers, i could get complaints to my manager. Or my family members would stop picking up the phone when I call them, and/or stop answering when i text them. I, as well as well over a hundred trans folks I’ve known personally, have experienced being cut off from our social supports (whether temporarily or permanently) for trying to get support over the transphobia we face. Generally, people don’t want to hear about it, not on blast, not all the time, not every day for months and months, even though that’s our reality, and we need help managing that reality. Folks don’t want to hear it. And while it’s nice to feel validated by our local, in-person trans friends, sometimes that negativity can be draining on our relations with them. This is why having multiple outlets is good, and why we need good allies who know not to take it personally.

This is because stress is far more dangerous when it’s routine and relentless…major individual stress events like a death in the family can be difficult but there’s usually some form of supports in place to help manage that. But dealing with a dozen instances of minor to moderate stressors daily, ones that generally will not cease? That tends to have a more significantly negative impact on a person’s mental and physical health, especially since there’s rarely any support resources in place to help people deal with those. And those stressors, combined with social stigmas, and high rates of poverty, and high rates of unemployment and homelessness, and high rates of medical discrimination, tends to lead to us attempting suicide. These are the main reasons why 43+% of trans people have attempted suicide at least once (and that’s honestly a very conservative number). Not being permitted to manage our stress and pain without consequence is a huge reason for that. We’re attacked for expressing our pain, constantly, and that hurts.

Because when trans people vent “I fucking hate cis people!” they’re not thinking of each and every individual cis person alive, so it would be wrong to take such a statement personally. They’re likely speaking of the cis people that have harmed them recently, and how they wield transphobia against them. Because let me tell you, as a trans woman who has worked retail in numerous public positions, eventually, you just start to forget their faces. Too exhausting to be angry at each of them, and it’s much easier to just get upset at society for weaponizing cis folks against us, and use ‘cis people’ as shorthand, a form of metonymy, which is commonly used all across society in similar ways. And since the category of cis people is used to wield transphobia against us (remember transphobia exists at the social level first and foremost), it is logical for us to use metonymy. Easier than listing out the gritty details of each instance, each person involved, each form of transphobia, etc. When I’d come home from work and close the door, and loudly vent “UGH! FUCKING CIS PEOPLE I SWEAR TO GOD” my roommate would (if he was home) toss me a gummy worm and nod sagely, asking if the cis were at it again. 

He, a cis dude, knew I wasn’t raging about him. He was well aware I was raging at all the cis people who wielded transphobia against me while I was away. Much in the way that when a friend of mine would slump down beside me after a failed date and complain about how “men are jerks”, I’d understand that she was not, in fact, attacking my best friend, who is a man, and a very good person. She was using hyperbole as a form of emotional expression. Just like someone who says “I hate litterers” does not in fact hate all people in the world who have littered, they are likely upset that littering is such a common, destructive thing that folks don’t really care much about. Hyperbole. Used all the time.

It’s healthy for us to do this. It’s important we have the ability to do this unrestricted, and without being attacked for it. it’s important that our allies jump through trans 101 hoops and recognize that when we vent like this, it’s not a personal attack.

It’s not necessarily actual hatred against cis people. Usually just anger, and we’re allowed to be angry when cis people harm us on the daily and rarely care to change what they’re doing or how they think of us. We’re allowed to express that anger, and we shouldn’t be attacked for it. Allies wouldn’t attack us for it, they’d understand it.

Recognize that this is bigger than your feelings, it’s bigger than you, it’s bigger than any single one of us. Recognize that we can be generally good people but still participate in widespread oppression. Recognize that you have a long way to go, and that’s okay, because so does everyone else.

The Fox in this story should work at understanding this dynamic better and getting past her initial defensive reactions, because no one’s attacking her, and it’s not personal

[pettyicequeencee-blog]

I Don’t Date Black Women

Racial preference and dating seems to be all the rage lately. I’ve come across a multitude of videos/articles explaining why Black men (especially those who are famed and wealthy) “prefer” White (or non-Black women) over Black women when it comes to dating. While I sit back, sip my Jameson (or tea if I’m at work), I cannot help but wonder WHO made not dating Black women trendy? So let’s talk about it.

Recently a Miami Dolphin football player has received a lot of backlash over a post asking why do Black men go for White women once they reach a certain level of wealth and fame. Not sure who the troll was, but he decided to give us some “insight” on why he doesn’t deal with Black women. Ready? And go!

-We’re stubborn, uneducated (because he assumes that all of us believes that things are 50/50 in a relationship)

-We all like to argue and be the boss

-We don’t take responsibilities for our actions

-We are not coachable.

Whew! Sounds like a mouthful doesn’t it?! That’s because it is. A mouthful of complete, biased, closed minded bullshit and it doesn’t stop there. I

WE ARE NOT THE SAME

I should not have to even explain to someone’s grown son that we are not the same. Just as much as men like to let women know that he is not like the last man, give us the same opportunity to display that we are not like all women, Black or not. Not every Black woman grew up in a broken home. Not every Black woman likes to argue. Not every Black woman grew up in an Urban ghetto. There are plenty of us that with degrees, businesses, careers, good credit, and common sense. Many of us come from loving families with both mom and dad present. I am not responsible for your past experiences with other women, at all.

I DIDN’T ASK YOU….

How many times as a woman/Black woman have you heard a Black man say “I don’t date Black women”? Now how many times have you actually asked that person whether or whether not he dated Black women? Let’s be real for a second, most Black women don’t and shouldn’t have to question whether another man the same Ethnicity as her would date her when engaging in a regular conversation. I have experienced the “I don’t date Black women” in a conversation not even aimed at racial dating preferences. It’s almost as if these type of Black men WANT us to ask and beg for their love and attention. They want to hurt us and make us wonder why they aren’t into us and before us women go around getting our panties in a bunch, just remember, we didn’t ask, therefore we shouldn’t care.

I’ve had my own personal experiences with dealing with Black men that seem to think that White/non-Black women are better. A while ago in college I worked at a shitty coffee spot (the one where you where green aprons) and my coworker was this Black male who apparently only dated White women, except I didn’t get the memo. I also didn’t care, but every time we worked together he made it his job to let me know that he was not into me. Funny, right? So literally every White girl that walked into the store, he’d rush over to me to tell me how “bad” or “cute” he thought she was. After the third time I became annoyed and here’s why. I DIDN’T ASK YOU. White woman or not, I do not care to hear about your sexual interests in other women, because I am not sexually interested. I never understood why men love to compare women to other women. I find it quite annoying. If I were to constantly talk about my sexual interests in a man to another man, I’m sure he wouldn’t want to hear it. Anyway, I finally told him that I didn’t care so why is he going out of his way to make me see how attracted he is to a White woman.

So when I asked him what’s his deal I guess he thought it was story time. This opened up the platform for him to explain why he only dates White women. Black women that he has approached aren’t attracted to him. (Grabs tissues) He claimed that his ex, who is Black, had set him up to be robbed. (Sheds tears) Then, he proceeds to say, that he actually found me attractive. (Plays world’s smallest violin) I had to stop him right the fuck there. I had zero sympathy for this dude. How dare you purposely try to insult my character, my beauty, and my mental by belittling me as a Black woman, only to turn around and hit me with some weak ass sob story of your ex and then proceed to “flirt” with me. N*gga, you sound bitter.

BITTER N*GGA SYNDROME IS REAL

What is Bitter N*gga Syndrome? And who does it affect? Bitter N*gga Syndrome is a mental disability which distorts and clouds the mind of the Black male with the illusion that any negative experiences that they have had that has involved a Black woman is a right of passage to display White supremacy tactics and belittle all Black women. Those that suffer Bitter Nigga Syndrome often display signs of suppressed self hatred, self loathe, and idolization of Western/European culture while depreciating their own culture and women within their culture because they [may or may not] have been severely damaged mentally and emotionally and are unable to cope with the aftermath their experience.

Now, I’m no doctor, but I hope that one day my diagnoses can one day help those who suffer from this mental illness because this ish is too real to go untreated. We all have been hurt before. Let’s face it, Black women have experienced more trauma in relationships than men and any other race of women. This is not to say that men do not face hurt in relationships, or that White women have never been lied to or cheated on, but the treatment of Black women by Black men has not been a cake walk.

I will not deny that there are some great Black men out there, however, I have dealt with some that really…… ain’t shit and I could be bitter about that. I’ve been lied to, cheated on, placed on the back burner, used, and dealt with men that put zero effort into. Needless to say, anytime a woman has a bad experience with men it is always labeled as the woman’s fault. We should choose our men more wisely. It is our fault that he lied and gave us false hope. It is our fault that it takes two to produce a child. Ironically, the same misogynistic mindset of taking ownership and responsibility over one’s life choices never seems to apply to men. Anytime we voice a concern about (Black) men, we are angry, loud, disrespectful, or bitter. However, a Black man will not take ownership of the part that he has played in a past failed relationship. It is always the Black woman’s fault.

DEAR BLACK MEN, YOU ARE NOT SQUEAKY CLEAN

Black men who don’t date Black women often give off this montage as if they are squeaky clean, and sorry fellas we all have assholes and your shit is capable of stinking. Stop it. Stop pretending that you have never hurt anyone in your precious White washed life of yours. Plenty of you have lied, cheated, fathered kids out of wedlock, have no degree, grew up without a father figure, and don’t understand the importance of respect and communication within a relationship. None of us are perfect and a man’s pride often gets in the way of a relationship’s potential to grow. A woman is your equal. Period. We can be submissive while still thinking for ourselves. We are not here to stroke your ego to the point that it shames us.

I read a few articles on Blackwomenareeasy.com and I couldn’t help but to think, who is this douchebag of a man writing these articles. Why is it that there is always a man feeding us his misogyny and trying to tell women how they should act in relationships and in society? Why is it that men have a hard time fact checking other men when they fuck up in a relationship or on how they treat women, but they are quick to let a woman know what she is doing wrong? Yes, I do believe that as HUMAN BEINGS, we are responsible for our own happiness and what we allow in our lives, however, let’s not down play the role of a man in failed relationships. I get sick and tired of the finger pointing in both directions. All men and women are capable of doing fuck-shit things, period, but I refuse to not acknowledge the fact that society has the mindset that “boys will be boys”. No. No. No. No. Hold men accountable for what they do.

THE APPROPRIATION OF THE BLACK FEMALE

So you mean to tell me that if I wear my hair in dredlocks or in it’s natural state that it’s unprofessional and that my hair is nappy, but a White model at fashion week can wear faux locs and it’s now fashionable. The Kartrashians can wear braids and it is now trendy, meanwhile I’ve been wearing cornrows for years and will face scrutiny at a job because my hairstyle is deemed too ethnic. Some 13 year old wanna be hoodrat can tell you to “cash me outside, how bout dat” and she is instantly famed for being violent and ratchet, but only because she is White.

This right here folks is appropriation in it’s finest form and we as Black women can’t speak out against it or we’re being angry. I am constantly being compared to White women. I am constantly being told that my hair, skin, dialect, and culture is inappropriate, meanwhile the White woman mocking my culture is accepted and even given credit for something my ancestors have been doing for ages. This sends us the perfect message. That it’s not what you do, it’s who’s doing it that makes is acceptable or not. What upsets me even more is that Black men support cultural appropriation. You don’t want a Black woman, yet you will settle for a White/non-Black woman who appropriates Black culture.

WE DON’T WANT TO DATE YOU SO NEITHER CAN WHITE MEN

Stop it. You’re being messy and it’s unattractive. My father has 6 kids by 5 different women. He had the nerve to tell 15 year old me that he is done dating Black women because they don’t listen and do what he says. Here he was, a Black man that is supposed to be showing me what it feels to be loved and treated by Black men, and he had failed me completely. He was the same Black man that has told me not to date White men. He was the same Black man that always spoke ill of the mother’s of his children. He was the same Black man that did the bare minimum when it came to financially helping his children. He was the same Black man that missed birthdays, graduations, and more. He is the same Black man that is pro-Black/hotep but lacks respect for his own Black women.

Men like my father often think that because they won’t date you then that means that a man of another ethnicity cannot, and again that’s that Bitter N*gga Syndrome kicking in. The hoteps came flying in when they found out Serena Williams was engaged to a White man. She was every name in the book from sellout to bitch, and you wonder why she went the route that she did and did it silently. She didn’t have to tell us why she chose to be with a man that was not only White, but who also loved her. Some of you Black men fail to realize that we too get tired of the same ole shit with you. I love my Black men, I truly do, but do not be fooled. Black women do not owe themselves unto you. If you cannot appreciate us, please believe that there are plenty of men out there that can and will.