#and also deserves to Actually date other people before getting back with either roy or jamie or both

[sgtjamesrogers]

me trying to just get through the one (1) post canon lasso fic i had planned of roy getting bullied by nwsl lesbians and deserving it.....while the 'meanwhile back in london, keeley falls for the new afc richmond women's team player that they poached from west ham, has a 'is my type just footballers???' crisis' fic knocks at the front door of my brain

[zirkkun]

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

[here-be-hyper-fixations]

Drabble #6: Sanctuary Aftermath

JayRoy, cause I love that pairing (but also angst). Neither actually appear here (Roy’s dead and Jason hasn’t yet been informed), they are just talked about as the main subject.

“-meeting adjourned, we’ll resume tomorrow. Everyone go get some rest…”

The members of the Justice League shuffled out of the room, a heavy weight settled on each of their shoulders. Sanctuary had left the hero community in cinders. No one had escaped unscathed. Whether they were dead, hurt, or had lost someone, no one came away intact. So here they were, finishing up the debrief, and waiting to deal with the clean up tomorrow. Some left the with reddened eyes, others furiously wiped their cheeks, trying to erase the tear tracks. They’d lost too many at sanctuary. People were meant to be safe there, to heal…and yet…

Only four people remained, the big three, and Oliver Queen. They were all still sitting at their seats, the silence threatening to drown them. The archer hadn’t spoken at all during the meeting. It was completely understandable…despite everything, he knew Oliver loved Roy as a son. Bruce knew what it was like to lose a child…first Jason, then later Damian. He found himself thanking whatever force there was that he had gotten them back. That wouldn’t be the case with Roy. According to Dinah, his body had been cremated as per his will’s instructions.

“Bats…” Oliver’s head was in his hands. His voice was rough, unnervingly quiet, but somehow steady.

“Oliver, I…,” he sighed, letting out a long breath, “What do you need?” The archer ignored his question. He kept his eyes locked on the table in front of him.

“Have you told Jason yet?”

“No. I haven’t gotten around to locating Red Hood.” Bruce winced as he spoke. That should have been one of his top priorities, but Jason was difficult to locate, impossible if he didn’t want to be found. But that shouldn’t have mattered…he should have just bit the bullet and contacted Talia as soon as they’d identified the body. He knew his son was close to Roy Harper, he deserved to know his best friend had died. Oliver raised his head, covering his mouth as he glared, vibrant green piercing daggers into Bruce.

“Might wanna do that,” Green Arrow hissed, “sooner rather than later.”

“They were good friends, were they not?” Diana’s lips were pulled into a frown, exhaustion evident in the bags under her eyes and pallor of her skin.

Oliver snorted, a bitter chuckle escaping his clenched teeth.

“Best friends – or so I thought,” he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small black box and sliding it towards Bruce, “but best friends don’t buy each other engagement rings, do they?”

Bruce gingerly picked up the box, hesitating a moment before opening the lid. He nearly dropped it when he saw the polished platinum ring nested in black velvet. It was deceptively simple at first glance but looking at it more closely Bruce could see intricate details carved into the shining metal. The combined symbols of Red Hood’s bat and Arsenal’s arrow took center stage in the design.

“Fuck…”

“I’m guessing you didn’t know either?”

Bruce couldn’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from the glinting ring. No, he hadn’t known, hadn’t even thought that…he knew they were close, but dating, considering getting married? No…no, how could he have missed something so important?

“You’re sure? They were together?” Clark’s eyes were wide, flicking between the box and Oliver. Diana placed a hand on Bruce’s shoulder, a solid weight grounding him to the present. He had to tell Jason…

“Dinah and I, we went through Roy’s things, his will, his photos, his phone…looks like they’ve been a thing for a while. They were serious about each other.”

Oliver brought out an older smartphone, tapping on it a few times before sliding it across the table. It was open on Roy’s wallpaper – a picture of him and Jason holding Lian. The red head was kissing Jason’s cheek while he and Lian stared up into the camera. They were smiling. Bruce couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Jason smiling like that…unworried and genuinely happy, eyes shining and a soft brush dusting his cheeks. The Bat choked as he tried to keep his composure. He’d already been dreading telling his son before, but now?

“I need to call Talia. She should know how to find Red Hood. Do you-” Bruce closed the box, holding it and the phone out towards Oliver. The archer waved his hand and slowly shook his head.

“Hood should have those. It’s what Roy would’ve wanted…” Oliver’s lips pulled into a sad, bitter smile.

“Tell me when you find the kid. We need him to go over Roy’s will.”

The Bat nodded, then tucked the box and the phone away in his belt. He ignored Clark and Diana’s calls and walked out of the room. He had to find his son.

Bruce had broken the news of a loved one’s death to many people, hell, he was the one who told Dick and Alfred about Jason. But telling his son, his baby that his partner, his best friend, his lover was dead…for the first time in a long time, the Dark Knight found himself truly lost.

As if on cue, his communicator pinged. He pressed a finger to the bud in his ear.

“Talia…”

“Beloved.”

Bruce sucked in a breath. This was for his son and no matter his own personal problems with Talia, his boy came first right now.

“I need to find Jason.”

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 15X3

Owen and Amelia are back together again. I don't love them together, but I no longer hate it either. They actually seem happy together and non-abusive for once so that’s something.

Bailey clearly didn't think through what giving up being Chief of Surgery would mean and that really shone through in this episode. When Link thought Koracick was the new Interim Chief oh boy. Link is not getting on Alex’s good side at all. But his idea was pretty neat! We also learned that Fellows have a lounge on three and that Nico comes to the Interns Locker Room to be around Glasses. They’re so cute!

Welcome Jo Karev! I love this storyline. Krista and the new writers for Season 14 and 15 have taken Jo from being a character I couldn’t stand to one I am rooting for. I felt so bad for her in this episode. She got totally shafted because of Bailey’s snap decision. She made the best of it because she’s awesome, but that doesn’t make it okay. She fought to stay in Seattle and now Bailey is pushing her aside.

I liked that this episode included part of the scenes they filmed in Seattle! I felt bad for the cast and crew wearing fall clothing in summer heat, but they looked good and pulled it off! DeLuca did look awfully good on that bike!

Maggie trying to encourage Amelia to date DeLuca because of Teddy was both hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time. Then watching her try to set Amelia up with Link was just funny and ridiculous. At least Amelia took it in stride. Post-tumour I actually like her. Post-tumour Amelia is focusing on what’s important. She’s actually there for Maggie and Meredith and is genuinely supportive and strong.

One of the biggest revelations of this episode is that Jackson took a leave of absence and didn’t tell Maggie! He told everyone else via mass email. Maggie later picks up a voicemail from him that explains very little and which the audience doesn’t get to hear which is highly suspicious. A friend and I were discussing this after the fact and she had an excellent point. Usually if the actor is available we hear the voicemail or the other end of the phone call. The only times we don’t are when the actor is unavailable or has left the show.

There was no indication prior to this that Jesse Williams would be leaving which leaves the following possibilities in my mind. One, the actor has taken ill temporarily or had a personal issue arise so they had to write him out of a few episodes so that he could recover or deal with the problem. Two, the actor has become part of another project that now needs more of his time or has signed onto a new project and he can’t do both at the same time due to time constraints.

Three, the actor asked for some time off this season for family or personal reasons. Four, the actor is being written off the show in order to pursue other projects or they have decided to write him off for creative reasons. There’s no other information available at this time (that I could find) so we’ll just have to wait and see. However, Jackson doesn’t appear to be in the next episode so that doesn’t bode well.

I like the way Maggie’s character is being written so far this season. They’ve made her more likable, less totally awful, and I can actually relate to her character now. I like that Maggie and Meredith’s relationship is improving. That’s the whole reason she’s in Seattle so the whole ‘Maggie is a terrible sister and Meredith has to put up with all of her crap’ storyline made no effing sense.

I knew from the moment that the nose bleed patient appeared on screen and Vik blew him off that it was going to come back to haunt him. I didn’t realize just how bad it would be though. I liked that we got to see Koracick actually practice medicine! Before this all we had seen was him treat Amelia’s brain tumour but very quickly and from then on he’s being doing research. Roy was once again good for absolutely nothing.

In this episode we get some wise words from Koracick. “A nose bleed that brings a person to the ER is never just a nose bleed.” Very true. Also holds true for any kind of uncontrolled bleeding or persistent reaction as that means your blood isn’t clotting and and there’s some kind of underlining issue that needs to be addressed.

We also get some more information about Koracick here. His scrub cap has ace playing cards on it. A scrub cap is a very personalized item in the show so this means he has an affinity for gambling or playing cards or poker or that it’s literally lucky or it’s meant as a joke as he’s a neurosurgeon. When Vik defied orders to stop compressions and then refused to call the time of death and then literally threw his hands up in the air, threw a tantrum like a five year old, and literally ran out of the OR with two attendings calling after him I was so mad.

His line, “I’m just an intern” made it even worse. Yes you are an intern, but that doesn’t you don’t take responsibility for your actions or that you get to blame everything on inexperience. It’s a teaching hospital you are there to learn not place blame and literally run away screaming. If that’s your reaction under pressure that you can’t do the job. Period. You aren’t cut out for that line of work. Most people aren’t.

That’s why it’s hard and you have to go to school for a long time to work in health care at any level. The attendings take responsibility for the patient too and they talk to the family because they have more experience with it and so that the hospital hopefully doesn't get sued and the family doesn’t press charges. It is meant as a way to save the hospital from the wrath of upset family members not deflect responsibility.

I was happy when Alex FINALLY fired Roy! He so deserves it! There’s no chance of him coming back now. He got out of it the first time by claiming wrongful dismissal because of interaction he shouldn’t have had with marijuana. Webber reprimanded him for not stepping back when he told him to, but didn’t fire him because he was injured and it could be chalked up to a misunderstanding as Vik didn’t know that it was hairspray and it was going to ignite. But this time, as Alex said, Vik lied about treating a patient. He left the patient who had a persistent nose bleed that was gushing blood in the ER for five hours without ever doing a physical exam or ordering labs or alerting the nursing staff to check on them.

As are result of his actions and inactions the patient died. The patient was ignored so it can be presumed that their family wasn’t notified of their admittance and they don’t seem to even have a full name and they have no medical history. Which means they have to track down this person’s name and contact information and then identify their next of kin and contact their family. At which point they will have to inform them that their family member who they didn’t even know was sick has died. They don’t have a choice about firing Vik.

If they don't the patient’s family will most likely come after the hospital for malpractice or come after Vik and have him charged. It’s what we’d all do if someone treated our loved one this way. And no lawyer, no matter how good, is going to be able to argue their mistreated family member back to life. I loved that smirk at the end there! Alex finally did something right that everyone’s been wanting to do.

The shop accident was gnarly! I had to look away for most of it. Webber made treating the shop teacher WAY too personal. That was super problematic. What he did really borders on intimidation. And the patient turns out to have Auto brewery system. It was the jello! Webber was testing a theory, but that doesn’t make it right what he did.

I LOVED the scene between Meredith and Alex. It was classic Grey’s and perfectly encapsulates why they are such good friends. They get each other and are there for each other and inspire each other. And Alex is totally right. Mer has earned the right to pick and choose who she lets in and even if she hasn’t we all deserve to have our wishes and privacy respected in the way that we choose.

I loved Meredith’s interactions with CeeCee. Too funny! And I adored CeeCee’s shopping idea! She understands what Meredith is saying (or not saying) now. Work from the outside in. I really like the dynamic they have created. The scene at the end with Maggie and Meredith with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis stole my heart! So precious! FASHION SHOW! I like that they are including the kids more this season and they are clearly listening to the criticisms of the past few seasons where the kids were MIA and it was super obvious and ridiculous.

Annnnd that’s a wrap! I liked this week’s episode. I’m looking forward to seeing Meredith go on her blind date next week!

Till next time!

[studentsofshield]

Marvel's Captain Marvel: A Legacy of Failed Relaunches

This piece is about the history of the Captain Marvel name in superhero comic books. First we have to start with the originator, then how it was shut down, then we can get to how it was stolen and how it's been handled since. I will not be getting in to Miracleman/Marvelman, since that is a whole other layer of convoluted.

Fawcett Publications was a publisher of magazines in the 1920s and 30s. They wanted to break into the comic book business after seeing the insane success of Superman starting in 1938. So in 1940 writer Bill Parker and artist CC Beck came up with a superhero for this purpose. The character was to be called Captain Thunder and debut in Flash Comics #1. However, All-American Periodicals beat them to the punch with their own Flash Comics #1 with a cover date of January 1940, debuting the Flash, Hawkman, and other characters. So Fawcett switched the title to Thrill Comics. Which they couldn't use either when Standard/Nedor launched Thrilling Comics #1 with a cover date of February 1940. I guess even the "ing" was too close for trademark comfort. January 1940 also saw the first issue of Fiction House's Jungle Comics, which had a minor backup feature starring Captain Terry Thunder. So when their character was finally unveiled to the public, he was Captain Marvel and appearing in WHIZ Comics #2.

The parallels to Superman were there off the bat and intentional. The first cover features Captain Marvel throwing a car, in reference to the iconic Action Comics #1, but one-upping it. Their powers, costumes, and adventures were somewhat similar. Captain Marvel arguably improved on the Superman formula. Instead of the grown, nerdy Clark Kent, Captain Marvel's secret identity was the child Billy Batson. Rather than looking up to Superman, kids could put their selves in Billy Batson's shoes. The art of CC Beck and others was also more cartoony and the stories more outlandish and fun. While Superman was dealing with corrupt politicians and domestic abusers, Captain Marvel was fighting the moon and hanging out with anthropomorphic tigers.

Captain Marvel replicated the success of Superman, and for a while even outsold the poster boy of comic books. The character's success led to Fawcett creating a whole line of comics and superheroes like Bulletman, Spy Smasher, Minute-Man, Ibis the Invincible and so on in the titles Nickel Comics, Wow Comics, Master Comics, etc. Captain Marvel started multiplying himself with spinoff characters Captain Marvel Jr. and Mary Marvel (before DC created Supergirl). The publisher experienced great success through the 1940s.

This success bothered some people, namely competitor National (today's DC Comics). They had success earlier shutting down Fox Feature Syndicate's character Wonder Man for being too close to Superman. They even did the same thing to Fawcett with their character Master Man. Starting in 1941 National took Fawcett to court over Captain Marvel. The lawsuit and all its subsequent appeals lasted all the way to 1951. Meanwhile Superman was ripping off elements of Captain Marvel along the way, like starting to actually fly, Lex Luthor becoming a bald mad scientist (like Dr. Sivana), and introducing the adventures of Superboy akin to Captain Marvel Jr. The long legal struggle and the waning superhero popularity of the 1950s led to Fawcett giving up on the case and shutting down their entire comics line in 1953.

Of course, having won, DC took the opportunity to pull over Fawcett's talent and put them to work on Superman. DC then ended up licensing Fawcett's characters in the 1970s. Captain Marvel has been fully integrated to the DC Universe through the years, for better or worse.

There is just one ironic hiccup though. While Captain Marvel lay dormant in the 1960s, the trademark lapsed. Another comic publisher by the name of Timely Comics had went through a few eras and name changes to Atlas Comics and then to Marvel Comics. Marvel was becoming a major force in the early 1960s thanks to Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and Steve Ditko. Publisher Martin Goodman demanded that they snatch up the trademark to Captain Marvel. Fitting I suppose given the name of the company.

So in December 1967 Marvel's version of Captain Marvel debuted in Marvel Super-Heroes 12. Rather than a Superman-like character, this version was Mar-Vell, an alien warrior who was tasked to spy on Earth but then decided to protect humanity. The stories were light science fiction fare.

This Captain Marvel would not become a sales juggernaut like Fawcett's. Marvel has to maintain their right to the trademark at least every two years though. So this has lead to dozens of relaunches and different characters under the Captain Marvel name. 

This is their legacy of failure.

After two appearances in Marvel Super-Heroes (12-13) Captain Marvel received his own self-titled comic in May 1968. From the first appearance through the fourth issue of the series, Gene Colan drew the character and Roy Thomas wrote him. Then not even a year in new creative team Arnold Drake and Don Heck hop on. Other creators like Gary Friedrich, Dick Ayers, and Archie Goodwin rotate through. The original green and white costume has a simplistic design that has become retroactively classic, but is really not too special.

With issue 17 in October 1969, Roy Thomas comes back and is joined this time by Gil Kane. The pair introduce a new costume and the unique dynamic of Captain Marvel playing switcheroo with perennial sidekick Rick Jones. The quality of the book vastly improves, but it only gets the chance to show it off for three issues.

After a six month hiatus, Captain Marvel resumes with issue 20 and the same creative team from before. This time they only get to pump out two issues. The book will now be bimonthly for the most part from here on out.

The character would feature prominently in the classic Kree/Skrull War storyline in Avengers, also written by Roy Thomas. This kept him relevant through 1971 even without a book.

And Mar-Vell is back again two years later in 1972 (recall the trademark rules). This time we have three uninspired issues written by three different writers. The only notable piece here is that they're drawn by Wayne Boring. Who was one of the definitive Superman artists of the 1940s and 50s in comic books and strips. In 1967 DC kicked him out, as they had done with most of their iconic Golden Age artists. Super fan and historian Roy Thomas hired him to do a few jobs for Marvel in the 70s. It's cool to see, but his style honestly was out of date by this point. The irony of these past two relaunches is that both returning issues use the cover text "the hero who wouldn't die!" The irony will become evident in a bit.

By this point DC has licensed the original Fawcett Captain Marvel. Due to Marvel's trademark usage, DC has to title the comic Shazam (the catchphrase Billy Batson uses to transform into the hero). Shazam runs from 1973 through 1978 and then the character moves to anthology backups. Superman even introduces the Big Red Cheese on the cover of the first issue. Within the pages of the comic, the character is still allowed to be called Captain Marvel. This alleged confusion has caused anxiety over the years for DC and with the New 52 reboot in 2011 they tried to officially change the icon's name to Shazam.

With issue 25 in 1973 Captain Marvel finally becomes a must-read comic when a young Jim Starlin jumps on board as artist. He had previously written and drawn fill-in issues of Iron Man that introduced the characters Thanos and Drax the Destroyer. He brought those characters with him and began writing as well, giving fans the iconic Thanos War arc. Starlin sticks around for less than a year. His final issue is 34, where Mar-Vell fights Nitro and the infamous cover text describes him as "the man who killed Captain Marvel." It's originally just supposed to be a sensational lie as is the tradition.

With Starlin gone, Captain Marvel still continues to issue 62 in 1979. Al Milgrom and Pat Broderick draw most of this run. Steve Englehart, Scott Edelman, and Doug Moench handle the writing. Nothing truly memorable or relevant happened, though by this point there were Mar-Vell fans who surely enjoyed it.

Supporting character Carol Danvers also got superpowers and got a spinoff title that ran two years. Mostly written by Chris Claremont. Ms. Marvel would have her own too-late creative reinvention in issue 20 thanks to artist Dave Cockrum. This book was arguably better than the book it spun out of at this point. Carol Danvers will become important again in this saga, but for the time being Claremont pulls her way to be an occasional presence in his vast X-Men run.

Captain Marvel was cancelled prematurely, so Marvel launched a new volume of Marvel Spotlight to pump out inventory issues. Captain Marvel appeared in Marvel Spotlight 1-4, and 8. Of curiosity is that Steve Ditko and Frank Miller drew the last two issues.

Outside of a few appearances, Mar-Vell doesn't make a major appearance between September 1980 and April 1982. When Jim Starlin was offered to write and draw the first installment of the Marvel Graphic Novel series and kill off a major character. One can presume he wasn't allowed to choose Spider-Man. He went with Captain Marvel, following up from his final issue on the series and revealing that the fight with Nitro gave him cancer. He died surrounded by all his fellow heroes and the book is a genuine emotional classic. It solidifies Mar-Vell as a legend, even if his original series never truly got him to deserve that reputation.

Mar-Vell would be featured in a reprint series titled The Life of Captain Marvel in 1985 focusing on the Starlin run. A three issue flashback series to his green and white era was published in 1997.

They need to maintain the trademark though, right? Enter Monica Rambeau in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #16 the same year. Her connection to Mar-Vell was nonexistent, but she took on the Captain Marvel name regardless. Creator Roger Stern carried her over to his legendary Avengers run and she even lead the team for a period. Monica has had tons of memorable appearances since, such as the brilliant Nextwave: Agents of HATE.

Monica would receive solo one-shots in 1989 and 1994. Both by the creative team of Dwayne McDuffie and M.D. Bright.

The third Marvel character to go by Captain Marvel was Genis-Vell. Originally introduced in Silver Surfer Annual #6 as Legacy, Genis is Mar-Vell's bastard child. Genis gets his father's Nega Bands and even is linked to Rick Jones. He got his own series written by Fabian Nicieza in late 1995 that was cancelled prematurely after six issues. In Avengers Unplugged #5 Genis officially takes the Captain Marvel name from Monica, who then suffers through several code names over the years.

After disappearing for about two years, Genis pops up again prominently in the Avengers Forever maxiseries. This launched a 2000 series written by Peter David and drawn by ChrissCross. The series was a critical darling and cult hit, but sales weren't perfect.

To try and boost sales, the book was relaunched in 2002 as part of the U-Decide Campaign. Which was a (marketing ploy) bet between David, Bill Jemas, and Joe Quesada. Fans helped to decide which of three books would survive. It helps that the other two books (Marville and Ultimate Adventures) were absolute trash, but Captain Marvel handily won. It lasted another 25 issues to bring the entire run to 60 issues. During the run, the fourth Captain Marvel Phyla-Vell is introduced as Genis' sister/clone. She uses the name briefly and then becomes Quasar and then Martyr in other stories. Genis eventually goes crazy, then dies.

In 2008 as part of the Secret Invasion crossover, Mar-Vell seems to come back to life in a self-titled miniseries. However, it's revealed that this character is a Skrull with fake memories.

The Skrull fake dies, but is able to pass on his wishes to the Kree hero Noh-Varr. Who was previously known as Marvel Boy, but then becomes Captain Marvel during the Dark Reign era. After discovering he's being manipulated, he abandons the Dark Avengers and takes on the Protector identity.

While the Avengers stock is rising in the 2000s thanks to Brian Michael Bendis, Carol Danvers is back as Ms. Marvel and her mission is to become the prominent hero she thinks she can be. To really promote her, in 2012 Marvel gives her the Captain Marvel name, redesigns her costume, and launches a new title. Kelly Sue DeConnick will shepard the character for the next few years. This series only lasts 17 issues.

By 2012 Marvel has now entered their relaunch trigger happy era. So in 2014 Captain Marvel is relaunched while keeping the same writer. This volume is even shorter at 15 issues.

As a tie-in to the alternate reality event Secret Wars in 2015, Carol Danvers gets her own miniseries still by KSD.

Coming out of Secret Wars, Captain Marvel gets another volume. This one lasts only 10 issues. Marvel brings in TV writers Tara Butters and Michele Fazekas. They leave halfway through and are replaced by Christos and Ruth Gage. The character is significantly entangled in the divisive crossover event Civil War II around this era.

In 2017 another relaunch is due and Carol gets the slight title change to The Mighty Captain Marvel. Prose writer Margaret Stohl is the writer. This series lasts nine issues before being renumbered/retitled as part of Marvel's Legacy initiative. Still with Stohl, renumbered for only five issues.

A soon to be released one-shot tie-in to Infinity Countdown promises Carol adventuring with Monica and possibly Mar-Vell. Marvel has been subtly teasing Mar-Vell's genuine return again recently.

With a Captain Marvel movie starring Carol Danvers just around the corner, Marvel obviously needs to relaunch again (SIGH). July 2018 will bring The Life of Captain Marvel #1. Still written by Stohl, the series promises to retell Carol Danver's origin. So maybe they'll decide to relaunch it again after the origin arc is over.

It's unclear whether DC would have been able to quickly grab the trademark back in the possibly free periods of 1984, 1987, 1992, 1998, and 2006. I don't know if the publication of collected editions fulfills the trademark requirements. If so, Masterworks and other collections could tick off some of those possible open spots.

To summarize, here are all of Marvel's Captain Marvel titles and relaunches:

Mar-Vell Marvel Super-Heroes 12-13 (December 1967-March 1968) Captain Marvel Vol 1 1-19 (May 1968-December 1969) Captain Marvel Vol 1 20-21 (June-August 1970) Captain Marvel Vol 1 22-62 (September 1972-May 1979) Marvel Spotlight 1-4, 8 (July 1979-September 1980) Death of Captain Marvel (April 1982) Life of Captain Marvel Vol 1 1-5 (August-December 1985) Untold Legend of Captain Marvel 1-3 (April-June 1997)

Monica Rambeau: Captain Marvel Vol 2 1 (November 1989) Captain Marvel Vol 2 1/2 (February 1994)

Genis-Vell: Captain Marvel Vol 3 1-6 (December 1995-May 1996) Captain Marvel Vol 4 0-35 (November 1999-October 2002) Captain Marvel Vol 5 1-25 (December 2002-September 2004)

Skrull Fake: Captain Marvel Vol 6 1-5 (January-June 2008)

Carol Danvers: Captain Marvel Vol 7 1-17 (September 2012-January 2014) Captain Marvel Vol 8 1-15 (May 2014-July 2015) Captain Marvel and the Carol Corps 1-4 (August-November 2015) Captain Marvel Vol 9 1-10 (March 2016-January 2017) Mighty Captain Marvel 0-9 (February-November 2017) Captain Marvel Vol 1 125-129 (December 2017-April 2018) Life of Captain Marvel Vol 2 1-? (September 2018-?)

*Dates used are cover dates.

[joysmercer]

Grey’s Anatomy 14x23 Final Thoughts

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve done one of these...but this one blew me away. Wow, what a rollercoaster! By the end of it, we were left knowing exactly who April Kepner is. Let’s get started. 

The episode starts with April sending out very April-like invitations to the Jolex wedding. The scene itself isn’t that important (save for lines like “It might be too fancy for me to go to” and “there’s no way Alex made this, it’s got Kepner written all over it”)…but it got me thinking -- what the heck is Owen Hunt, captain of disorganization, going to do without April running his ER? She excels at bossing people around and making sure everything happens in logical steps, and without her, no one is going to know anything and they’ll lose their trauma cert or something (just watch).

April’s whole storyline this episode was so beautiful. For once, it wasn’t too dragged out (like season 12), or too rushed (like this season’s storylines). Seeing the other doctors -- even Grey, Karev, and Bailey, who aren’t necessarily friends with Kepner -- absolutely anguished over her was heartbreaking. It also had the vibe of old Grey's, where MAGIC was so close to each other that when Izzy was diagnosed, all of them were a mess. We haven’t really been seeing that whole-group togetherness in later seasons, only mostly in pairs (kepzona, merlex…). It was a good reminder that these doctors have been working together for years, and that they’re as good as siblings. 

I would like to address the complaints I’ve been seeing on Twitter that Meredith “cried more for April than for Derek,” or that “she wasn’t even Kepner’s friend, so why does she have more screentime?”. I can’t really speak for Derek’s death, but I’m assuming that the episode didn’t show Meredith’s full reaction. Also, I’m not one bit surprised she was so upset over Kepner today. She and April first became friends in the Shooting episode, when they comforted each other as Derek was undergoing surgery. As general surgeons, I wouldn’t be surprised if the two of them became fast friends. The episode also made it very clear that the situation directly mirrored the Drowning in season 3(?), so again, Meredith feels like she should be there to help Kepner get through it. 

As for Meredith herself, I’m really hoping she’s not retiring the scrub cap. While I don’t care if she dates other people or not (I actually liked Riggs), and I’m glad she’s moving on / finally feeling 100% OK after Derek’s death, retiring the cap seems like too much. Then again, I nearly lost it at the removal of the post-it and the tumor on the wall, so I may just be nostalgic. 

Back to April -- did anyone find it weird that she and Matthew were back together? Don’t get me wrong, I never truly believed she and Jackson were soulmates, and Matthew is a sweetheart. But it did seem random and out-of-the-blue, especially since Matthew refused to see her at all the last time he was in the hospital. Anyway, that aside, I’m so happy she’s happy and in love again. Jackson’s horrible sadness (his crying scene left me in tears) showed that the two of them clearly have a lot of love for each other, and always will…but I think it’s changed from romantic to best-friend love, where they’ll do anything for each other, but they don’t have feelings for each other. Now they’re both in loving relationships (although I hate that Jaggie is a thing), and I feel a little better about Kepner’s departure. Except not really, because Sarah Drew’s acting has been phenomenal this season, and I really want to see more Japril friendship scenes and April being badass because we don’t have enough of either. 

Also, we finally got some meaningful Kepzona scenes this episode! Yay!!! Arizona’s departure is also shaping up in a beautiful way. While, again, I hate that JCap is leaving, and I think its an idiotic decision of the writers, I’m glad she’s leaving to a) be with her daughter and Callie; and b) she’s not giving up fetal surgery or her booming career or doing any of the other things Callie did in her departure. Bailey summed it up perfectly with her opening monologue about AZ being a pixie stick and turning into a wonderful surgeon and human being. I think forming her own Health Center is a wonderful way to leave GSMH, and truly gives Arizona the exit she deserves. Also, is anyone really upset Nicole Herman (Geena Davis) didn’t appear in more episodes?? I freaking love her, she may be my favorite guest character on this show ever. 

Owen Hunt is the third most important friendship April had at Grey Sloan, and while we don’t get to see them together that often anymore, today more than made up for it. Not only is it a mentor-mentee relationship, I truly believe that Owen looks at April like a little sister -- the way he reacted in every scene of the episode reminded me of how he treated Megan too. Like I said before, I don’t know what he’ll do with April gone, but like KMK said in an interview, it’s definitely going to be hard for him. 

While we didn’t get to see a lot of baby Leo today, the good news is that Betty came back! I don’t know if I mentioned this in an earlier post, but I’m really happy Amelia willingly chose to foster a girl not unlike herself. I think by the end of the process, she will realize that maybe, just maybe, she does want a child. The way she acted with Betty today, scolding, nurturing, and joking with her, shows that even in a few weeks, they have become attached, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they teach each other a lot. Deluca was also a surprisingly great character today as well, convincing Amelia not to panic about Herman. Let’s hope he stays this way. 

Unfortunately, the rest of the young residents/interns were just as stupid as they always have been. Roy is back, and his one great line was “I like Doctor Kepner.” He should have stayed fired. As for Glasses and Hellmouth, why would they even expect an invitation? Did they learn nothing from the last time they showed up to a party uninvited? jesus christ. Lastly, where the heck is my favorite intern Casey? He was around in, like, 1 episode and then disappeared.  How annoying.

Anyways, you don’t know how happy I am to find out that Apri wasn’t killed off. She definitely does not deserve that. And I’m super happy Kepzona is sticking around for the wedding before getting written off. Silver Linings, anyone? 

Favorite Quotes (because there were a lot):

"I thought you were a pixie stick. When I met you, I thought you were an empty vessel full of sugar who skated in a hospital. I didn’t know then that it would be one of the greatest privileges of my life to know you, and work with you." -- Bailey

“It might be too fancy for me to go to” -- Jo 

“All I see is yellow, yellow, and yellow” -- Alex

Alex’s monologue + “You gotta stop saying ‘was,'” -- Mer

“Don’t take April, please. I’ll do whatever you want, Don’t take her away, OK?” -- Jackson <3

“She’s in love” -- AZ

“She would have wanted us to pray” -- Owen

“you prayed for me, and it worked.” + “You always come and bring me back” + “I’m here, I’m alive” + “I’ll leave that up to Jesus” -- April <3

"So you did brain surgery while you needed brain surgery?” -- Betty

“She’ll take my hearing next” -- Herman

“I downloaded my whole brain into that girl” -- Herman

“It’s going to be so beautiful” -- Jo

The promo for next week looks really good, and I’m super excited to be back at the barn (think April planned it on purpose?) Anyway, until next time :) 

[artificialqueens]

The Breakup (Biadore) - Whiskey Neat

A/N: Surprise, surprise, Adore is sad again! Just a note that as the writer I refer to them as Roy and Adore but they mostly refer to each other as Bianca and Danny in the story. I hope that makes sense. Also, Kristian is Adore’s ex in real life for anyone who doesn’t know. Enjoy!

Roy was having a great night. He went out to eat at a nice restaurant, spent some time with friends, and even went to a drag show. He always thought the shows were a lot more enjoyable when he had the night off. Now, he was at his friend John’s apartment feeling happy and content, finishing a movie they had started watching a few days before but never finished. 

Adore’s night on the other hand, hadn’t gone anything like that. She had gotten in drag for a date with her boyfriend Kristian and they ended up not even going out like they had planned. He declined Adore’s invite to meet at her apartment, insisting they just stay in his hotel room because they “needed to talk.” When she heard that, Adore knew something was up and anxiety grew in the pit of her stomach the closer to his hotel room she got. 

Knocking on the door, she heard rustling from inside the room. Kristian soon opened the door and gave Adore a sad smile. “Hey”

“What’s going on?” Adore asked, as her boyfriend took her hand and gently pulled her into the room. 

He sat her down on the bed and sat himself down next to her. “We need to talk…" 

“About?” Adore asked, mentally preparing herself for the worst. 

“Us." 

Even though that’s what she was expecting to hear, the one word answer made Adore’s eyes burn and her heart drop into her stomach. 

”….Okay….what about us?“ She asked wearily. 

"I don’t know how to tell you this in a way that won’t hurt so I’m just gonna say it…I don’t think I’m in love with you anymore.” Kristian told her, not being able to meet her eyes after he said it. 

“I-I…okay…” Adore trailed off, looking down and blinking back tears. “Is there something I did wrong or-" 

He grabbed her hands "No, no, no! It wasn’t anything you did. I promise. I just kind of…lost feelings. Being away from you so much really affected me. It sucks that I live in Australia and you live here in LA. We don’t see each other often enough and it’s hard for me to keep feelings strong in situations like this. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us to stay in this relationship if the feelings aren’t the same." 

"How long have you felt like this?” Adore asked, not even sure if she wanted to know the answer. 

“A month, maybe. It’s hard not being around you a lot and getting to experience things with you like I should. The separation is just too much. You deserve someone that can be here and love you like you want them to and I can’t be that person anymore. So I just think it’s best if we stop seeing each other. I want you to be happy, Adore." 

"Kris, I can fly you out here more or-or I can fly there or we could-” Adore rambled. 

“Adore” Kristian said grabbing her by the shoulders to shut her up, “I’m sorry…I just don’t feel the same about you as I used to.”

Adore was silent for a moment before standing up and wiping her cheeks. “Okay…if that’s how you really feel then I guess I should go." 

Kristian got up and followed her to the door. "I’m sorry Adore, I wish things were different" 

She stepped out into the hallway and turned to face him. "Yeah, me too.” She said, hating how badly her voice shook. 

Kristian stood in the doorway for a few moments before closing the door. Before it closed all the way he heard Adore say “I was happy with you." 

He took one last glance at her and closed the door the rest of the way, signaling that he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. That caused Adore’s already fragile heart to shatter into pieces. What was she supposed to do now? She couldn’t just have a mental breakdown in the hotel hallway in full drag. Adore pulled out her phone and ordered a Lyft to take her to the see the one person she knew could help her put her heart back together. 

Adore arrived outside of Roy’s apartment 20 minutes later, knocking a few times and waiting. She heard Sammy and Dede barking excitedly on the other side of the door but no one seemed to be answering. Great, she thought. Roy isn’t even home. 

The lump in her throat grew and she could feel her breakdown coming closer by the minute. She knew where Roy kept the spare key, so this technically would be a situation where she had the right to let herself in, wouldn’t it? At this point she didn’t even care. Adore dug around in the potted plant next to the door until her fingertips touched the small metal key. 

Squeezing it in her palm, she stood back up, unlocked the door, and stepped inside the dark apartment. The dogs greeted her excitedly but not even that could lift Adore’s spirits. Not even bothering to say hi to the adorable little creatures, she headed straight to the couch and curled up in fetal position, finally letting herself cry and cry. 

Before she knew it, the two small dogs had joined her on the couch. Sammy cuddled up under her arm while Dede climbed right on top of her and began licking the salty tears off her cheeks, the pure innocence of the gesture making her cry even more. It was like they understood she was upset, and for that Adore was grateful. At least this way she didn’t have to be completely alone while Roy was out. Animals always had a special way of calming her anyway. 

Eventually Dede stopped licking Adore’s face and laid down behind her, nuzzling herself into the long black wig Adore hadn’t bothered to take off, and rested her head on the side of Adore’s face. Adore didn’t mind, accepting any form of comfort she could possibly get as she cried herself to sleep. 

About an hour later Roy had finally left John’s place and was back at his apartment. He walked in the door and was greeted with silence. ”That’s strange” Roy thought. His dogs always came running to greet him, barking loudly. He set his keys down, turned the light on, and crept down the hall.

From the dim light in the hallway shining into the room, Roy could see his beloved dogs laying on the couch, cuddling the form of a person. Not knowing who the person was at first, Roy panicked a little. But he figured he must know them because no robber would break in just to take a nap with his dogs…would they?

Tiptoeing closer, Roy was able to see a tattooed arm that he quickly realized belonged to Adore. Roy sighed in relief as he closed the distance between himself and the sleeping queen, wondering why Adore would break into his apartment at 1 in the morning. 

Roy wanted to be mad at her, but once he brushed Adore’s hair off her face he was able to see the dried tears and mascara stains that resided there. “Oh no baby, what happened to you?” He asked even though Adore wasn’t awake to answer.  

Adore shivered in her sleep so Roy left her side to go get a blanket from his bedroom. When he came back, Adore still appeared to be asleep. Roy draped the blanket over her and stepped back, patting his legs and saying to the dogs, “come on, let’s let her sleep” but they didn’t budge. Sammy stayed still and Dede looked up, whined quietly, and burrowed her head back into Adore’s hair. 

“Suit yourselves” Roy shrugged. 

Just as Roy turned to leave the room, he heard a voice say “he doesn’t love me anymore” so quietly he was almost sure he imagined it. 

“What?” He asked, turning back around. 

“He doesn’t love me anymore” Adore repeated, voice cracking this time. 

Roy rushed over to her and Adore sat up, being careful to not disturb the half-asleep dogs too much as she did so.  

“Who doesn’t love you, Adore?” Roy asked, sitting down and letting Adore rest her head in his lap. 

“Kristian…h-he broke up with me because he stopped…he stopped being in love with me” Adore said, taking a shaky breath. 

“Adore, I’m so sorry” Roy said, stroking her hair.

Adore rolled onto her back and looked up at Roy “He. Stopped. Loving. Me. Bianca.” She repeated for the fourth time, as if she was trying to make herself believe it even more than Roy. 

“I know baby, I’m sorry” was all Roy could say before it suddenly fully clicked in Adore’s brain that her relationship was actually over. It was all true. Kristian didn’t love her. He didn’t want her. No one wanted her. 

Adore’s face screwed up and she rolled onto her side so she could hide her face in the bottom part of Roy’s shirt. 

Roy pulled the top half of Adore’s body up so he could embrace her properly. Adore then buried her head in Roy’s neck so close that he could feel her eyelashes brushing against his skin when she blinked. 

“Shhhh, it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay, shhhh” he said as he kept rubbing her back and whispering more words of comfort in her ear while she continued to cry.  

Eventually her sobs died down and she just sniffled once in a while. “You’re okay” Roy said, as Adore inhaled deeply and pulled back, wiping underneath her eyes with her shirt sleeve. 

“I really thought he was the one.” Adore said in a hoarse voice as she fell back into Roy’s chest. “I never knew what being in an actual relationship felt like until I met him. I thought he was the person I’d spend the rest of my life with but now he doesn’t even want me, Bianca. I think I’m unlovable.”  

“You’re not unlovable.” Roy said firmly. 

“Then why does this always happen to me?! People only pretend to love me because they wanna fuck me and after that happens they leave. And even if someone really does love me, it doesn’t last. They always seem to lose feelings and just drop me like I’m nothing!” Adore ranted, eyes welling up again. “I just want someone to love me.”

That last sentence broke her heart all over again and she dissolved into tears for what felt like the hundredth time that night. 

“Adore…Danny look at me.” Roy said, pushing the crying queen off of him and holding her face in his hands so she’d look him in the eye. 

“You are not unlovable, Danny. People treating you like that just goes to show that they don’t deserve you. You’ll find the right person someday and it’ll be the best feeling in the world. I know you will. Someone will love you the way you want them to and treat you right….someone like me.” Roy told her, not even realizing he said the last part until it was too late. 

Adore sniffled. “I’m sorry I can’t believe you, I just don’t think that’s pos-…wait what?“ 

Roy’s cheeks burned with a mix of embarrassment and fear. "What?" 

"Th-the last part…what did you say?” Adore asked, looking confused. 

“I said you’ll find someone to love you and treat you right…” Bianca hesitated. 

“No not that…theLAST part, B. What did you say?” Adore pressed on, staring into Roy’s brown eyes with her big, shiny green ones. 

“I said you’ll find someone to love you and treat you right” he repeated before quietly adding, “someone like me." 

Adore’s mouth dropped open and she quickly sat up and knelt next to Roy and stared at him while Roy looked away, unable to handle the fact that Adore was probably going to slap him across the face and walk out of his life forever. 

"I- you- what?” Adore stuttered, mouth still hanging open.  

Roy reached up and closed it for her before saying, “You heard me." 

"You…you love me? Like really love me? Like more than just the friend kind?” Adore asked in disbelief. 

“There you go, now you’re getting it.” Roy said sarcastically, tapping Adore’s forehead with his pointer finger a few times to jokingly signal that she was a little slow. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?!" 

"I was afraid. I didn’t think you would ever feel the same way because you’re so young and I’m so…not. I’ve loved you since we met on Drag Race. I know I can, and do, love you the way you want someone to and I know I can treat you right and always be there for you if you’ll let me.” Bianca told her. “And even if you don’t feel the same, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being here for you. I’ll always have your back whether we’re just friends or more than friends." 

"You’re not lying just to make me feel better?” Adore questioned, still not believing that Roy was capable of feeling this way towards her. 

“You know I’d never lie to you, Danny.” He replied. 

Adore’s chin trembled and she wrapped her arms around Roy and buried her face back in his neck. Roy hugged her in return and could soon feel more of Adore’s tears dripping onto his chest. 

“Hey, wait! That wasn’t supposed to make you cry!” Roy exclaimed. 

“I know, I’m sorry. Crying is kinda my natural reaction to everything if you haven’t realized.” She gave a half-hearted laugh. “It’s just a lot to take in…I don’t know what to say” Adore said, wiping her tears again.

“It’s okay, I don’t want you to say anything until this breakup thing blows over and you can think clearly. I just wanted you to know right now that it’s not impossible for someone to love you like that." 

"Thanks B, that means a lot to me.” Adore said as she and Roy made themselves comfortable and the two dogs, who had retreated to the other end of the couch, joined them again and they all fell asleep. 

The next morning Adore woke up alone on the couch. She could hear Roy making breakfast and talking to his dogs in the kitchen.

Instead of going straight to the kitchen, she first headed to the bathroom to wash off all the remnants of Adore that were still on her face and become Danny again. 

After he removed his makeup and threw his now tangled wig on Roy’s bed, he stole a t-shirt and sweatpants from Roy’s closet and put them on. Then the fresh-faced and comfortably dressed Danny made his way to the kitchen. 

“Morning sleeping beauty” Roy said as Danny walked into the room. 

Danny didn’t say anything. Instead, he walked straight over to Roy and pressed their lips together. Roy squeaked in surprise but gently brought a hand up to Danny’s jaw and continued the kiss. 

It was a long kiss. Roy savored the feeling of having Danny’s plump lips against his own but soon realized that they shouldn’t be doing this right now. Danny literally just got out of a relationship yesterday. 

“Danny, we shouldn’t do this yet” Roy told him, breaking the kiss. “It’s too soon." 

"No, I made up my mind. I want to be with you, Bianca.” Danny said. “I’m gonna to let you love me how you want to and I’m gonna love you even more in return." 

"Are you sure? It’s only been one night, Danny. I want you to be su-" 

Danny cut him off with another kiss. "Was I sure when I promised my fans I was coming back to YouTube?”  

“Dan…you never did that" 

Danny bit his lip. "Oh fuck, you’re right…sorry I’m not good at analogies”  

“I’m surprised you even know what that word means” Roy said, as he rolled his eyes. 

“Fuck off! Now listen, I mean it Bianca. I’m 100% sure about this, okay? I’m ready to try having a relationship with you if you are.” Danny said seriously. 

“Can’t say no to that!” Roy grinned as he pulled Danny in for yet another kiss. 

[matazz]

letters roy endoza never sent

so i wrote these because i wanted to write out roy’s feelings to the party members. it was mostly a way to vent, but during the time, i really did want to send them - but my DM never let me (if you’re reading this LOL).

there’s something a bit sadder about it being letter’s he never sent.

in my head, he left along the journal that he wrote as well with the letters he left behind. i guess canonically i can say that the party never ended up finding them. 

group letter (written after roy left the party & before the gala)

for the group, i had fun while we were charading around finding ancient artifacts and solving puzzles. i’m going to miss our adventure, but i have to leave. i’ve involved myself against the fate of the universe, a crime against all odds. i’ve loved knowing you all and you’ve all helped me so much but i dont want to involve you anymore in it. more importantly i feel as if that my actions may draw a rift in your beliefs and i dont want to seperate that bond. please do not look for me. i’m afraid i serve no purpose in this mission with the champions anymore. i dont think the gods (and even myself) consider myself to be a champion anymore. to be quite honest with you, i don’t know what the consequences are or what might be from my actions but i will deal with it myself. i’m going to be honest. i appreciate all of you, and you’ve helped me in learning so much. about the world, magic, and other people. but i don’t want to involve any of you in my life and i don’t want to see any of you ever again. please do not try to contact me or find me. this is my departure letter. i am safe, and i am well, and i dont want to be involved with the champions anymore. i hope everybody does well. i’m sorry i left without saying anything but it had to be this way. it’s better for me this way, for everyone. i’ll stay safer this way. if the gods tell you to locate me, please ignore them their calls. i can not say why, but if you trust me at all, please believe me when i say i’m safer not meeting you. sincerely, roy endoza.

To the group (i think this was written the day of the gala, but before the Thing happened)

To the Champions, I’m not sure when this letter will deliver, so you might receive it a bit late. I’ve left for a while to pursue my own goals and research some things. I'm not sure when I'll be back, or if I'll even be back at all. There's been so much nagging at me that distances myself from all of you and I don't really feel like I belong so much anymore anyway. I don’t know whether or not my research is going to succeed, but if on the event that something happens, please don’t look for me. To be quite frank, I don’t really want to involve any of you in my research and I’m afraid that meeting you is only going to be a liability to me. On the unlikely event that my research turns out to be negative, I'll come back; however if that’s not the case then please don’t try to contact me and do not look for me. I can not stress this enough, but what I’m about to go through with is going to upset the gods and more importantly, all of you. It hurts to leave like this, but I have to say farewell. I loved travelling with most of you and I’ve learnt more about the world than I ever could have just staying at my house in Origin. Thank you so much for the adventure. Perhaps for the last time, Roy Endoza.

To Ayce (written the day of the gala i think)

Ayce, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you before I left. To be honest, I couldn’t bring myself to do it and I haven’t had the time or the nerve to say anything. I regret all of that, but you deserve at least something before I leave. I can’t continue our relationship.. I’ve felt distant for a while now, and it’s been nagging at me but I don’t think we’re good for eachother at all. I’ve been a dishonest man to you despite the fact that you’ve been honest with me the entire time. I know it makes me an asshole. You deserve so much better than I could ever be to you. I wish there was more I could say. You've probably figured it out already, and if you have then I already know it was pretty selfish or stupid of me to start this relationship despite the fact that I've known all along how it was going to turn out. You don't have to forgive me. I wouldn't either. And if you haven't figured it out, then I hope it wasn't so terrible for you. I've enjoyed my time with you. I hope you find someone better. Roy.

A letter to Ayce (written like the day roy left)

ayce i have a lot i’ve been meaning to say to you but havent had the time or the nerve to say anything. but i need to say it now because you deserve these words. i can no longer continue our relationship. i’ve redeemed myself but in doing so, i’ve gone against the world; but more importantly, to you. i love you very much, and i wish i could have come to the ball with you and danced. i would have loved to; but i have a lot going on and i dont want to involve you, or anybody else in our charade, involved in my problems. i’m sorry i could not say it to your face. i hope life treats you well. you deserve so much better than i could ever have been. with love roy

Letter to Ayce (dated from the week before roy left)

ayce i’m writing this because i didnt have the nerves to say this in person, and i apologize for that. to be honest, the more time passes the more o begin to think our relationship was a mistake, so i’m officially parting ways. i never lied when i said i love you. i still do, but i just dont think it has worked out or even will. i think our morals are too different; and i cant find myself being with somebody who finds it so easy to murder a person. no matter how terrible she was, i thought that you of all people may have disapproved after experiencing death already. i also found myself attached to Fox, so his leaving leaves a hole in my heart. ialso despise Atlas; but i digress, none of these are even the main reason i’m leaving. to be quite frank, i’ve never seen this mission with the gods as important. my dreams, my goals, my redemption; they will always be first. this mission with the gods has just been seen as a side quest for me. partially because i don’t trust the gods myself. if we take everything we’ve heard at face value, then why should i trust God’s that have left the world to ruins before? they don’t even trust us enough to tell us what has happened in the past. in my opinion, they’re either incompetent and lazy or not telling us the actual truth of what we’re doing; or even what they’re doing. they aren’t powerful. if they were, they could retrieve the keys themselves or defeat beshaba’s group themselves. i just can’t bring myself to want to do a mission anymore where i have to obey people who can not trust us enough to let us know basic information. meeting you was a bonus, but i think it’s time for me to move on. this wasn’t a decision i’ve made because Fox left; i’ve been thinking about this for a while. neither my goals or morals align with anyone elses. i want to be good, but i’m only a wench in a perfectly working clock. as of recent events, i also don’t want to explain myself to Atlas of all people, but i can’t bring myself to tell you about myself either. i may return, if only for more information or perhaps even the gala; as much as i do not care for the gods, i’m still interested in the keys and the power within them. if i meet you there, i know it may sound selfish to ask, but i hope you may give me one last dance. roy

a notebook. it’s a bit worn out and has some torn pages.. it was left behind with roy’s stuff and all the letters

‪entry 47‬ ‪[torn out page] ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪[torn out.] ‬‪entry 69‬ [‪torn out] ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back. i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ‪[scribbled out over so that you cant read it] ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just

sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out but still there: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪[torn out] entry 101.2 [torn out] entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. [the rest of it is torn out] (torn note inbetween the pages hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over. (there are about 2-3 pages with entry 102 that are torn out) entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try

avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 [torn out] entry 124 [torn out]

[bobbyyoungsworld]

Online dating culture gets revived with Tinder like apps as of today!

Tinder – a geo-location based dating app is coming up your way guys…

The modern-day young generation is very much fond of utilizing on-demand dating apps like Tinder as a source of making dates whenever required. Of course, these apps have gained traction in the recent past and they are the hottest needs of the youths today.

Tinder clone apps have come up to support this trend of online dating through which anyone can find their exact partner to date. Their mobile compatibility further enhances the crave for online dating among the dating community as a majority of people nowadays prefer to date online via mobile devices. Thus, the mobile application of Tinder has undoubtedly given a contemporary life to the online dating culture right now than ever before.

Significance of Tinder like dating apps:

With the change in time and technology over the years, there comes an awesome opportunity for the online users who are willing to make dates online. This is nothing but the dating app like Tinder that has redefined the way people love and date their desired partners. Just a hook up on the Tinder mobile app is more than enough to perform dates online. Here is where the technological advancements stand out.

This is why I am saying that the technological growth has completely transformed human lives even the concept of dating to a more productive and convenient way. Out of the many different apps available as of now for dating, Tinder reaps and contributes the most in bringing a better dating experience for the users, thus being a mark of the technological improvement.

On-demand dating apps like Tinder is the best way to date online by meeting and chatting people we deserve and love to date. Once before few years, we were used to make social media platforms like Instagram and face book as a way of connecting people we know and don’t know. But now, the trend seems old and a new and innovative dating trend has come into place with the introduction of Tinder like dating apps. These apps serve as a media of connect that ensures us in going dates with people we love to choose.

If we date back to the history of Tinder apps, they got launched in the year of 2012, and they are now contributed to around some 1.6 million swipes in a day (on an approx.) from the users’ side. This depicts that Tinder apps have gained huge traction in the industry of online dating thus helping the business owners acquire a large user base resulting in. Now let’s imagine how great it will be for us to have such an amazing app like Tinder in the market.

Tinder’s procedural algorithm provides the users with the best potential matches to commence their lovable dates online instantly on the go with ease. This is why a lot of youths today stand by the side of Tinder.

What are all the exact benefits of building a dating app like Tinder?

·        Creation and maintenance of brand image

·        Getting chances for monetization

·        User database availability

·        Customer retention

·        Enhanced ROI

Aspects to be considered while developing a Tinder clone app:

Any type of app development inclusive of Tinder requires us to have focus on what our users actually look for. Here I mean the expectations that your customers have on your app. Once you figure out those expectations, you need to work on it to get your app somewhat better, efficient and convenient.

Let’s have a recall on those expectations from the customers’ side with with Tinder clone in the following:

·        UI/UX design: the user interface is the entry point that your users will get into your app. Hence it needs to be designed in a more simple and elegant manner to keep all your user expectations stay fulfilled.

It is also good to have your UI designed with certain animated features including the swipe to accept or reject the dating partner or match. In simple terms, the UI should be in a way that the users will have smoother cum easier access ever.

 ·        Privacy: It is the one most important factor when it comes to the development of Tinder clones. Because, the users of Tinder always demand for their personal and private information to be kept safe, secure and confidential and here is where the privacy of the app comes in.

Even though it seems to be the one of the most critical and complex expectations of the Tinder clone users, we need to concentrate much more on attaining it while developing the app since it stands as the best way of getting huge user connects altogether with better experience. By focusing on the privacy of the app, you could stand ahead of your competitors at ease as it brings a lot of credibility.

 ·        Proximity: Most of the customers of Tinder like dating apps come with an expectation of having a casual partner for their demanding dating needs. Let’s take for instance that a customer is being fed up with dating a long-distance relationship and he is planning to make date online with another desired partner of his wish.

For this, he uses the Tinder app with a location specific feature that would help him rebuild his dating experience and here is where the term proximity is exactly defined.

 ·        Dating choices: The customers of the app should be allowed to prioritize their preferences over dating thereby making them maintaina high value profile of their own in the app. Here is where exactly the users’ desires as well come in.

Workflow of Tinder apps:

The entire buzz on dating relies in the development of online dating app like Tinder. The apps work accordingly with the following steps:

·        Registration/sign up: Having access to a Tinder app just requires simple logins made either with a valid mobile number or email id or social media credentials.

 ·        Swiping: Upon the completion of registration or sing up into the app, it’s the time for the users to make swipes either to the left or to the right on the main section of Tinder that is nothing but the dating section. Here, the users will get prompted to the best potential matches appropriate to their profiles. Once the users find their first match in the app, they will be directed further to the next match and this process keeps going until the users select a partner for date.

Uberforxapp – the best Tinder clone app development company:

If you are the one who is planning to go with Tinder clone app development for your business, then you have been landed up at the right destination. Our on-demand dating apps like Tinder can help you get a win – win situation in your business just in a short time span by making you acquire lots and lots of user engagements altogether with huge profit returns. Also, you can get the best out of the features and functionalities that you can see in other similar dating apps with our robust Tinder clones.

Wanna join us for your Tinder clone app development needs? Come on, let’s go. Of course, it is the right time that you have planned to approach us and we from our side are ready to assure you with the development of a demanding dating app like Tinder to make get better ROI in your business at ease.

With our Tinder clone solutions, you can make your users enjoy the ease of jumping in to their first date online and that too with a matchless dating experience ever. In fact, your users as well can have dates that are much convenient and memorable.

[watercoloredlie]

Title: What They Needed Most

Summary: When all was said and done, Amara had told Dean that she was giving him what he needed most. What if it wasn’t just Mary that Dean needed the most?

Notes: So I was missing Pretty Bird and with tomorrow being @laurelwinchester birthday, I thought, what the heck, I’ll write this. I’m aware that the timelines are probably off, but whatever lol. So I hope you have a very happy birthday tomorrow, Becks! You deserve it! 

What he needed most. Those words kept replaying through Dean’s mind as he tried to figure out what Amara had meant. The sight of the blonde standing before him took his breath away. He knew from the blonde hair and the white nightgown that it was his late mother Mary Winchester. When she turned around to face him, Dean enveloped her in a hug. The first one he had been able to give her since he was four years old.

To say that she was overwhelmed with being alive again for the first time in over thirty years would definitely be an understatement. They weren’t sure if it was temporary or permanent. Though Amara’s choice of words definitely had Dean feeling as if it were not temporary. Either way, both of her sons were thrilled to have Mary back in their lives. 

“Who is this?” Mary’s voice pierced the silence of the room as she picked up the framed photo of the beautiful blonde with the brilliant smile from beside his bed. It was beside a photo of Mary with little Dean.

Dean swallowed hard feeling his chest tighten a little. He had told her about Amanda, Cassie, and even Lisa. But he hadn’t yet told his mother about the blonde that still held his heart.

He sighed taking the frame from her staring down at the picture for a moment. “Dinah Laurel Lance. Lost her about a year ago.”

“Uh..My.. My name is Dean Winchester and I’m an alcoholic.”

It was a first step at least. He wasn’t about to admit to Sam that he had been right. He was nowhere near ready for the ‘I told you so’ speech. Dean said his piece and sat back down. He listened to other people give their testimonials and was about to get up to leave when the last person to speak for the night caught his attention. She was blonde with sparkling blue eyes and a smile that could light up a whole planet. There was an ethereal glow about her that seemed to just take his breath away. She received her chip that day for being thirty days sober.

“Hi. I’m Dinah Laurel Lance. You can call me Laurel. I know it may not seem like it now, but what you did tonight was really brave.”

She had approached him first once the meeting was over and he got over his nerves quickly asking if she wanted to talk more over coffee. It was Laurel that suggested a nearby diner where they sat for hours talking over coffee and pie. She told him about Oliver, Sara, Tommy, her parents, and her drinking. He told her about his parents, Sam, and hunting. It was the most honest he had ever been with a woman from the start. 

They had only officially been dating for a few weeks when she asked him to take her on a hunt. He was against it at first wanting to protect her until the night he discovered her own little secret. She took him to the Arrow cave or whatever you want to call it. Felicity had let them in promising to keep Oliver away for as long as they needed. Dean felt as if he had walked right into a comic book movie when he saw the leather suits on display. Laurel stood in front of hers and smiled that brilliant smile that he loved at him.

“I’m the Black Canary.”

A chuckle fell from Dean’s lips as his strong arms wrapped around her waist. “I know. You might wear a mask, but you can’t mask that ass.”

She smacked his chest playfully as he leaned down to kiss her. Of course he knew it was Laurel. Nothing she could do would ever disguise her beauty. 

Dean reluctantly agreed to let her go hunting with him and Sam knowing full well she could handle herself. Despite a few bruises and scrapes, the three of them made it out of the hunt fairly well. It was only a few weeks later that the Black Canary was gravely injured during a battle. He had made it to the hospital as fast as he could. She was already out of surgery when he arrived.

“You’re the love of my life, Dean Winchester.”

Of course it didn’t matter that Oliver and her father were standing right there. She felt weak and she wanted Dean to know exactly how she felt about him. Her hand fell limp in his grasp and the doctors rushed in though it was too late. Dinah Laurel Lance was gone.

Her death had crushed him. He was used to losing people he loved, but her loss had totally broke him. Even himself dying hadn’t helped matters because he came back as that which he despised most. A demon. Thankfully Sam and Cas were able to bring him back to normal again. Now here they were with Mary back and all Dean could think of was Laurel.

Sliding open the nightstand draw once he was alone in his room again, Dean sighed as he picked up a small black velvet box. He held it in his hand opening it to reveal a diamond engagement ring. He had gotten it a month before she died.

“Was that for me?”

Her voice was clear as day and he shut his eyes for a moment wondering if he was hearing thing. Standing up, he turned around and nearly dropped the box at the sight of Dinah Laurel Lance stepping out from the shadows. She seemed sort of upset, but it was only seconds later that her beautiful smile appeared upon her face.

Dean took a step closer to her and then stopped. “But how?”

“I’m not really sure. All I know is that Amara says you’re welcome.”

At the mention of Amara, he took her into his arms hugging her tight and spinning her around which made her laugh. “Is it really you?”

“The first time you let me drive Baby, I pressed down too hard on the brakes and you got mad. We got into a stupid argument that wound up with me on top of you in the passenger seat. Then you just had to say that you’d let me drive Baby more often if we ended up like that. Oh and Sam caught us when we were finished. There was also the time I slept over the bunker for the first time and I went to the kitchen because I was thirsty. Cas appeared out of nowhere startling me and I screamed so loud that you ran in with Sam with your guns drawn ready to fight.” Laurel recalled memories that only he and her would know.

Dean pulled back to get a good look at her and grinned softly. “It really is you.”

“It really is me.”

He hugged her again before pulling her into a lingering kiss. It was seconds later that he dropped to one knee. “I know this is nowhere near as perfect and romantic as you deserve. But I don’t want to wait another second. When I picture my life as happy, it’s with you. Dinah Laurel Lance, I never got the chance to say it before, but you are the love of my life. There is no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my days with than you. So what do you say, Pretty Bird? Will you marry me?”

“You bet your ass I will. Yes, of course I’ll marry you, Dean!”

When he awoke the next morning, the bed was empty beside him and his heart sank. Had it all been a dream? Dean sighed in relief when he saw her walk back inside their room. She greeted him with a kiss and smiled. They stayed like that for a bit and then he went to wash up before starting on breakfast. Part of him feared that his mother might have been taken away from him in exchange for him getting Laurel back, but those fears quickly disappeared when he found her having coffee with Sam. He greeted Mary with a hug and then moved around the kitchen happily making breakfast for everyone.

“Slept well last night?” Mary inquired smiling curiously at her older son.

Dean grinned softly watching as Laurel appeared in the doorway just then with her ring on full display. “Best sleep I’ve had in over a year.”

Sam followed his gaze and a gasp fell from the taller man’s lips. “Laurel?”

“Hi Sammy. Oh you must be Mary. I’m Laurel. It’s an honor to finally meet you.” The blonde grinned as she entered the kitchen greeting Dean’s family.

It was only after she hugged them both that they noticed the ring and congratulations was given to the happy couple. Of course it was Sam that asked how she was back and they simply said Amara. It was the same reason Mary was back as well.

Laurel’s return to Starling City wasn’t exactly what she hoped for, but she was relieved to know that her loved ones were all safe. She was thrilled to reunite with Thea and had already put word out to let Sara know that she was back. It was her first night back as the Black Canary that she discovered that she had been replaced. Hearing that her father had given his blessing and that both he along with Oliver believed it was what she would have wanted made her grow incensed.

“What I would have wanted? Are you both kidding me? What I wanted was a boyfriend that wouldn’t cheat on me with my own damn sister. What I wanted was a father that wouldn’t blame me for all his problems. What I wanted was a mother that was actually there for me. What I wanted was some damn respect around here. Look, Tina is a great girl, but you can’t just pass on the Black Canary thinking it’s what I wanted. Dinah Laurel Lance was and is the Black Canary. Dinah Laurel Winchester will be the Black Canary.”

“Laurel, please...”

“Ollie, Don’t. I became the Canary because I wanted to feel strong after losing my sister all over again. I got sober and I felt closer to Sara by being the Canary. Then I was helped to realize that I couldn’t be the Canary because that was Sara and I am not Sara. I am Laurel and I am the Black Canary. It’s more than just a name, okay? So instead of putting pressure on this girl to live up to the Black Canary name, why don’t you let her choose her own identity?” Turning on her heel, Laurel walked out of the Arrow Cave in her gear leaving both men in her wake.

The Lance-Winchester wedding was a small gathering in a beautiful garden in Central City. Thea was maid of honor. Sara and Iris were bridesmaids. Sam was best man. Barry and Roy were groomsmen. Cas officiated the wedding. The whole Legends team was there. As were Cisco, Caitlin, Joe, Harrison, Wally, and Jessie. Even Laurel’s old friend Joanna was there as well. Lyla and little Sara were there as well beside Mary in the front row. Diggle had the honor of escorting Laurel down the aisle.

It shocked the couple that the whole day and evening went uninterrupted. Part of them expected something to interrupt the wedding or maybe the reception. But nothing did. For once, Dean and Laurel had a perfect day.

[kalosstarters]

Oh? Hmm let's go with *drums* Royai! :D ok do Edwin too.

Sorry for taking so long with this! I wanted to give you proper answers but apparently even now that I’m on a break I don’t have enough time to write, so this might be a bit rushed after all… Edit: I answered only Royai this time, EdWin deserves good answers, so tomorrow, hopefully! Also, the language I use is not the purest since we are talking about Royai here (who are totally doing it)

001. . . . kills the spider

Riza xD I mean have you seen her? The woman almost shoots her own dog, she’d have absolutely no problems with killing a spider. Roy considers himself being above killing bugs, he just yells at Riza when the spider needs to be killed

002. . . . proposed

Now that I started thinking about this, I could very well see them just casually doing some paper work when Riza just suddenly asks, in a calm tone, ‘General, are you ever gonna propose to me?“ and Roy’s like “huh, propose what?” but when he registers what she said he’s all in and goes “how about now?” So basically Riza initiates it :P

003. . . . kissed the other first

Rooyy? It could… maybe happen after he burns Riza’s back, she’s in pain and he wants to distract her so she has something else to think about for a moment.

004. . . . initiates things

Hmm could be both, but maybe Riza still has to initiate more things? Maybe Roy is too worried about what the military might thing?

005. . . . would leave the other

“I’ll follow you to Hell” does that really sound like either of them is gonna leave the other? Nuuuhhuh. They just wouldn’t.

006. . . . is more jealous

Roy! I mean Riza is beautiful, smart, badass, everything he wants from a woman, and there would be a lot of people who’d also like to date her. Sometimes (before they become ‘official’, which I hope they eventually will do no matter what Arakawa says) Riza might go to casual dates with random guys and after those events Roy would always try to impress her and show her his best behavior so she sees what she’s missing.

007. . . . is lazierAHH I love it when we have canon answers! ROY. He almost literally wouldn’t be able to do a thing if Riza wasn’t supervising :’)

008. . . . sends weird texts at 3 AM

Oh that would be Roy. What else can you expect from a man who has made a rap for his answering machine (ok fine that’s koma theater but it’s canoonnnnn ok?) *snap snap, spark spark, it’s time to light up the diggy diggy dark* A bit more seriously speaking, when he gets drunk his nightly messages to Riza are probably a bit more revealing/intimate than those he normally sends.

009. . . . is more experienced

They say it’s Roy, but actually he’s a virgin waiting for Riza… OK maybe not, but I still think that Roy is all talk and no action, he hasn’t been with /that/ many women. IDK, Riza is probably more interested in other things than getting laid (at least that’s the way I see her character) so she probably isn’t super experienced either.

010. . . . said i love you first

Hmmmm this is a difficult one. I cannot decide. Riiiza? But again it happens very casually, almost like in passing, while they are doing something not so important, and Roy barely registers it, but when he does, he squeezes her hand behind the table and she knows he feels the same way.

Heh this was fun, thanks!

[projectgaiarp-blog]

Full Name: Leroy Ward Nicknames: Roy Level: 1 Species: Metahuman Age: 31 Date of birth: 12/29/1985 Home Town: Fairfax, Virginia Occupation: Tactician/Strategist Faceclaim: Jensen Ackles

Personality:

INTP – The Logician

When it comes to ideas and theories, Leroy is quite an adventurer who needs to explore anything and everything. His mind is always buzzing with thoughts as to what invention could be of use for humanity and how to improve already existing systems or techniques, which is why he is having troubles with guidelines, regulations and authority. Roy’s greatest strength is that he is not just able but very enthusiastic to think outside the box and use alternative methods to reach his goals faster and more efficiently. Thusly, he is also highly receptive to alternate theories as long as they are supported by logic and facts.

On the downside, however, he believes himself superior to most other people as he keeps strong pride in his knowledge and rationale, ending up being condescending towards others. Sometimes, he gets so caught up in his logic that he forgets any kind of emotional consideration and dismisses subjectivity as irrational. As a result, purely emotional situations can be utterly puzzling for him, and his lack of timely sympathy can easily offend. Just like that, Roy’s a very private and withdrawn person, sometimes even shy in social settings, who keeps second-guessing himself. These doubts often hinder him in his work as he knows his current result is only the second-best to what he could achieve in maybe a month’s or year’s time, leaving him with sometimes quitting projects before even starting them.

Biography:

At the age of five, most children dream about becoming knights and princesses, fire-fighters and, in Leroy’s case, astronauts. However, as they slowly grow older they normally settle for more ordinary jobs, letting go of these imaginations. Not so Roy, though, as he has been determined ever since to go and explore the universe when he has grown up. In highschool, he became somewhat of an overachiever with spending hours and hours of studying and earning well-deserved grades that eventually got him the top spot among his class mates. As his dream took shape, he planned to study astrophysics at Harvard or Cambridge, at least Columbia. However, even though his family was never forced to lead a poor life, there would not be enough money to enable him to go to one of these top universities, especially since there were two younger brothers and one younger sister that needed support as well. So Leroy strived for nothing less than a full-time scholarship.

By the time, he never got along too well with people, neither his class mates, nor his family. His comrade’s hidden jealousy amused him, misleading him into additionally making fun of them and eventually ending up with his head underneath the lavatory flush every now and then. His parents were way too emotional about his success, annoying him at best, and his siblings, well, they would never be able to live up to where he has set the bar. Despite his nasty behaviour, Leroy still fell in love with a human who actually reciprocated his feelings, Scarlet Cress. Unlike many others, she was intelligent and witty enough to follow his thoughts and understand his work.

She slowed his rash journey to the top down for a bit but while his feelings were true and intense, Leroy knew it could not last forever. So when Cambridge sent him the so desired offer of a full-time scholarship, the decision between following his childhood dreams and Scarlet came almost too naturally to him. In a single conversation, he ripped her heart out and tore it to shreds, claiming that she was barely more than a nice distraction but that he could not allow himself such pleasures and that he needed to carry on; that their relationship would have never been able to last forever, anyway, because she would not be able to keep up with him and at some point she would not be good enough anymore. Looking back now, he realises why these words have offended her like that, but back then he did not understand why she would want to inflict such agonising pain on him as she did with nothing but a single glare. Squirming with pain, he instinctively located a hidden source inside him and unknowingly used his power on her, absorbing her abilities. The pain ceased immediately, leaving him breathless and Scarlet wondering where her powers had gone. It did not last longer than a few seconds but it was enough to throw her off balance and run away. Leroy has not seen her ever since.

Afterwards, even though it went against every strain of his being, he forced himself to forget about this incident and not wonder how she had been able to inflict such pain on him without even touching him; or how he has made her stop it. He carried on with his life, went to Cambridge, nineteen by the time, and started studying astrophysics. By then, he was among the smartest men and women of his age, finally facing an actual challenge. After four years of studying, his mother begged for him to come home as there seemed to be troubles involving his little sister Amalia, but Leroy dismissed them with only a few words. Instead, he went for his master degree and topped it off with a nice and swell doctor title. Only then did he allow distractions to get the better of him and went back to Virginia to visit his family, only to learn that his sister has been missing for multiple months by then. The sudden guilt overwhelmed him as he could not help but blame himself for not caring enough for her.

He has not been back in Fairfax, Virginia, for more than a couple of months, having decided to stay closer to his parents to make up for his foolish neglecting, until men working for a seemingly strange company called Atlas contacted him. They asked him to accompany them to their labs as they wanted to make a few tests with his DNA and even though he refused, they took him anyway. Just like that, he left his family the same way his sister had two years ago. Quite surprising, however, it turned out that she was not as dead as they had believed her as he became an agent, too, and he still is not quite sure how to feel about that.

Powers:

Power Absorption and Power Replication, plus higher resistance to abilities used on him.

Roy is able to steal his opponent’s powers and use them himself, instead.

Weaknesses:

Firstly, he cannot hold this up for very long. Usually, he can only absorb powers for about a minute, sometimes two, and use them in this short time span only. If the holder needed a lot of practice to gain control over his powers, Roy will not be able to use them perfectly but as if he never had that training, leaving him with only little control over the abilities he replicates. Thusly, he does not use them to defeat his opponent but to throw them off balance, to bamboozle them, so to say, to buy him enough time to either lock them down or have his team follow up and do the job.

He does not have to be in physical contact in order to use his power, but his opponent has had to use his abilities on Roy before the latter would be able to absorb and replicate them. Thusly, his body has a high resistance to metahuman powers than others’, but it does not make him immune to them, of course. If, for example, a person had the ability to knock people out with a single glare, they would need maybe two to three glares to knock Roy out.

Connections:

Amalia Ward: Roy’s younger sister. Being the oldest Ward-child and six years older than Malia, Roy found himself too good for playing and fighting with his siblings. Frequently, there would be arguments and really bad and hurting accusations, but after all he cares deeply for his sister and brothers. As Amalia disappeared, however, she left him devastated, blaming himself as he thought he should have taken better care of her. After all this time, he already believed her dead until he joined Atlas and saw that she was lively as ever. Even though he is, of course, overjoyed that she is anything but dead, the relationship between them has been super awkward every since.

Scarlet Cress: Roy’s ex-girlfriend. He has not had many relationships in his life, maybe two or three. None of them could ever compare to Scarlet, however, his first love. She was intelligent, witty and gorgeous, everything he could only ever dream of, and everything seemed to be perfect until Roy broke her heart. By the time, he was offered a full-time scholarship at Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and deciding between the love of his life and his career of becoming an infamous astrophysicist was a bit too easy for him. Telling her about the news without much of any emotions darkening his voice, he ripped her heart out, adding even that he needed to fully concentrate on his studies and could not allow himself to be distracted by her. He thought this to be quite a romantic compliment but the pain she inflicted on him with her powers proved him wrong. However, that was when he found out about his own powers that later lead him into a whole new life.