#and also apparently if i wear anything too loose??? wtf

[lokh]

there's a very short period of time where my hair is the perfect length before it crosses over to bad mullet stage. and unfortunately we have reached the bad mullet stage

[chitsangenthusiast]

Oh oh oh THAT I do wanna know. What do the mallrats steal at their jobs?

mallrats 🥺🥺 that's the cutest nickname for them wtf lmao HERE WE GO

sokka: he used to steal way more when he first started out, but even then it wasn't really that much, and he'll admit that stealing loses its thrill when you don't actually have much of a need for any of it so he's largely lost interest in doing it—that is, until the holidays come around

all those free posters and displays and string lights? taken straight to his car in january and reused for other projects lol bc that is the kind of free stuff he can get behind. he's not gonna let that good foam board go to waste!!!

also: stealing from his store may be boring but stealing from the jasmine dragon isn't, and when i say stealing from the shop i ofc stealing from zuko. he takes whatever he can get away with bc sokka is five and this is one of the ways he flirts, apparently lmao

he refuses to tell zuko just how many of his flannels he's taken from him tho, mostly bc he's pretty sure zuko is letting him steal them on purpose and he's not about to acknowledge his victories could be falsely earned

(he has three. including the exact same blue one he owns, but he couldn't let zuko know he knows he's being set up so he was forced to take it too lol thankfully they wear the same size bc he has no clue which one was originally his now)

zuko: he doesn't pay for his drinks (it's his uncle's shop c'mon) and sometimes he'll take home samples to see if he likes it enough to buy a canister, but nothing much more than that

so zuko steals from sokka's store more, in retaliation to sokka stealing from his store, but unlike sokka he actually goes for the store supplies lol just small things since there's cameras around, and whenever he gets caught sokka just sighs and rolls his eyes at him

(ex: pens, t-pins, receipt paper, sokka's clipboard, sokka's bracelets, sokka's sanity bc he swears if zuko doesn't try to start stealing kisses soon......)

got a little long, so the rest of the cast below!

korra: doesn't really care about stealing anything bc wtf does she need from a clothing store?? but she does inflate her email+phone rewards numbers occasionally by using fake ones

(sokka knows but doesn't really care, since he does it sometimes too. he just keeps track to make sure corporate doesn't catch on)

bolin and opal: aside from taking home the occasional name tag, they play fast and loose with the time clock (if they're getting paid by the second, then they're not going to clock out until sokka is yelling at them!). altho opal does have a habit of hiding things around the store so that she can purchase them later lol

isda: is the reason why 'workplace theft' is even something the corporate retail worries about lmaoo she's worked at this store for ages, she can decide her own personal bonuses, and at this point, she couldn't even give you a ballpark monetary value of all the stuff she's stolen. just know that if you ever suddenly need a cardigan that goes with your outfit, she's got like twelve in her car

toph: she screwed up by working at a place that doesn't have anything cool enough to steal, so she fills this void by stealing zuko's wallet whenever she's bored. it's turned into a competition that sokka tried to join in on, but one sly comment from her about how zuko keeps his wallet in his back pocket made him stop Very Quickly lol

suki: if her store is missing any sort of office supply, you can assume suki stole it. that and all the different types of S hooks they have bc yue uses them for her crafts <3

chit sang: his quitting may have looked spontaneous, but he actually knew he was going to leave with a bang for a good three months. the only reason why it didn't happen earlier was bc he wanted to steal so much shit without getting caught, so he had to spend the time carefully phasing things out of the store first!

(the best thing he stole was one of the rolling carts with the portable tag detacher on it. he has no clue how he got away with that one)

iroh: it's his store so technically you can't call anything he takes as 'stealing' bc at the end of the day the money still comes out of a bank account with his name on it

bonus! katara and bakoda: ok they don't come in often but when they do they steal two things every time:

1. deals, thanks to sokka's employee discount

2. hearts, and sokka suffers literally so much

(he'll never be able to erase from his memory the sound of korra going "oh" when his dads walked in, followed by the extremely far more interested "oh" when she first saw katara. absolutely wretched!!!!!!!)

read mallrat here!

[mittensmorgul]

Hi, I have a question, and I hope it would be interesting for you too... Could we talk about angel's wings and feathers?..

I always thought that angel's wings were a part of their true form, a kind of energy which we can only see as a shadows or electric sparks or ash or something like this.

And I didn't think that it could be a real wings with feathers as bird's. Until, while rewatch, I've noticed that angel's feather were mentioned in SPN at least twice (maybe you've noticed more?):

1) In 8.12 when Henry Winchester time travels he uses an angel feather in spell. And then Dean tells that Henry stole an angel feather from the trunk of the Impala. So feathers are reall??? Why did the Winchestets keep the feather in the trunk of the Impala and where they get it? (ok, maybe they found it in the bunker)

2) In 12.13 Sam uses a white feather in spell returning Gavin back in time (we know this spell needs an angel feather)

So now we can see how the real angel feather looks like???

Does that mean that the angel's wings can be presented in physical world like a real wings with feathers and this is not fanfiction? I like this idea so much.

I think that the creators of the show didn't let us to see it, as many other great things, that is sad...

I would really like to know your thoughts about this.

(Sorry for my bad english, it is not my native language...)

Hi there! First off, your English is fine! (lol it’s my native language, and I just typed it “Inglish” by accident, so you’re already doing better than I am :’D)

ETA: DON’T REBLOGGY THIS YET. I forgotted something that @thayerkerbasy just reminded me of, and I’m editing this post... brb... okay NOW YOU CAN REBLOGGY!)

As far as I know, those are the only times in canon we ever see or hear mention of an angel feather, and both times it’s for the same exact spell. They reference that it’s Henry’s spell when they use it again in 12.13, but make no mention in dialogue of it being an angel feather. Yet Sam had a whole jar of fluffy little pin feathers, so the assumption is that they’d been collecting them for a while (unless those were either found in the Men of Letters’ spell ingredient stockpile when they moved into the bunker, or otherwise given to them by Cas at some point).

It’s weird, because they seem like a very limited commodity, especially after the angels fell and their wings all burned up. Even after Cas got his original grace back, his wings never seemingly recovered. When we did finally see his wing prints in 12.23, they were still... not healthy... So my thinking is that any spell that would require them will become impossible to cast when their current supply runs out. All the other angels-- at the end of the series-- were either dead or locked in Heaven with their broken wings. We never learned any of their fates. Maybe they were all rendered obsolete under the Heaven Remodel?

A little behind the scenes from the early days of SPN as a bonus, since it’s tangentially relevant:

When they were filming the very early episodes of SPN, they had a lot of choices to make about what to show us based on what their budget would allow them to portray. Think of an episode like Wendigo, 1.02. One thing I see people say often was that it was a shame we didn’t see more of the monster, but only saw like... bushes shaking, or a vague form moving through the underbrush, or a blur. They made a stylistic choice right there to keep it within budget.

The options they faced were showing us a “dude in a rubber mask” type monster and showing it more, versus one really terrifying shot of a Proper Monster™ dying in spectacular fashion. Rather than go full-on cheesemonster, they chose to leave most of it up to our imaginations, giving us glimpses or hints of the monster.

They went back and forth on this a bit over the years, attempting to show us more on occasion, but most of those times the audience reaction has been varying degrees of wtf... Think about some of the scenes where they attempted to give us more than a glimpse at the supernatural, or a blood splatter, or whatever. It didn’t always work well. Think: the wire fight from 13.23...

I mean, it took us until 11.14 to ever see an angel “flap away,” when we saw Casifer zap Dean off the exploding submarine.

For the most part, I appreciate the fact that they understood the limitations of their own budget and didn’t give angels cheap little wings just to be able to show them on camera. Over time, only being able to see them as shadows, or as char after the angel died, became part of the lore of the show.

I blame Adam Glass for writing that spell, because he probably thought it sounded cool or whatever, that it was effectively a throwaway line because no other spell they’ve ever used has required an angel feather as an ingredient, and in story it was only linked into this larger Men of Letters Legacy plot that in retrospect feels like Chuck tying up loose ends and putting previously “deactivated” plotlines back into play.

I do find it kind of interesting that both iterations of this spell (the second resurrected by Bucklemming) were both tied to Abaddon. Henry’s spell in 8.12 brought her into the story from the past, she eventually travelled to the much further distant past to bring Gavin into the present (presumably with her own power alone, no angel feather required), and then after she was killed, they used the spell to return Gavin to his own time. So in a a way, the spell was part of a closed narrative loop, never to be referred to again.

Kinda wild that we’d never heard of angel feathers being a thing for spells until we learn that Dean apparently had some just stashed in the trunk, though... :’D

As for how corporeal angel feathers are/were, they exist in the earthly plane enough to leave char marks when they burn, when an angel is killed, so they must always have had the potential to manifest physically. I can’t imagine they ever would’ve had a budget to show us anything more than what we usually saw, though. It did give them a LOT of flexibility over how exactly they presented them to us when they DID show us. And I can’t even imagine the suffering Misha would’ve endured as an actor spending all those years wearing some weird wing harness rig. It would’ve been... impractical. And the CGI the show could’ve afforded-- especially in earlier days-- would’ve been... bad...

But what they were able to show us? Was often awesome. Remember when Raphael showed off his wings in 5.03? LIGHTNING!

And when we finally did see actual corporeal-appearing wings in 8.23... it was Dramatique™

And for More CGI Is Sometimes A Bad Thing Science, please have the attempt at Michael’s “true form” from 14.01:

It’s kinda a super-letdown after AU!Michael’s previous shadow wing displays from 13.01, but more specifically from 13.22:

those... were... badass... 

Even the pre-wire-fight wing shadows on Dean were badass:

But if they’d tried to show us more of them, to make them move through action scenes for example, it would’ve been... bad...

So what we’re left with is the knowledge that there is some sort of corporeal element to wings that we simply can’t see most of the time, but clearly angels have the ability to show or hide them at will, even from other angels. Could it be an act of will on the part of the angel that manifests a bit of their grace in the form of a physical feather? Honestly, that’s the theory I’ve personally adopted toward canon. In fanfic, I’ve read tons of various headcanons about what angel wings are and how they function-- everything from “a manifestation of their true form” to “angels share a lot of traits with birds” to “an extension of their grace,” and everything in between.

I personally, in canon, like to think of it as akin to how they’ve used angel grace for other spells. I mean, when we recall that angels haven’t been on Earth much for the last few thousand years (aside from at least a couple of known incidents where angels interfered with humanity, like Ishim and Company in 12.10, for example, and the presumptive extension that the Men of Letters knew of the existence of angels and likely summoned one up a time or two the same way Lily Sunder had, giving one explanation for how Henry Winchester knew of this spell and had an angel feather to use for it, but also recontextualized when Lily Sunder taught us that humans can use their own souls to power spells in the same way angels used their grace... which sort of makes the notion of needing an angel feather AND his own soul to charge that particular spell in 8.12 a bit redundant unless Lily’s knowledge of angelic magic was more advanced than Henry’s... hrmpf.... so much tangent... back to the point)...

We did eventually learn of other spells that required an angel’s actual grace, not concentrated in the form of a feather. The Angel Fall Spell in 8.23 being the prime example. Metatron took ALL of Cas’s grace for that one, even if he didn’t use all of it for the spell and left a “fragment” (Metatron described it as “not a lot, but enough.”). 

ETA: HECK. I have 9.03 on the tv right now and it’s distractedly made me disgusted enough to have forgotten something that Thayer just reminded me of: Lucifer’s “fossilized feather” in 12.07. It held enough grace to restore and heal him after Rowena’s spell in 12.03 had degraded him. Which really only adds to the theory that “feathers” are simply bits of grace that have been rendered solid somehow, but that can be transformed back into grace as needed.

And then there was the Rift Spell for travelling to alternate universes that required archangel grace, as well as the time travel/ward breaking spell that Sam found in 11.14 that ALSO required archangel grace specifically. Would these spells have worked with an archangel “feather?” Possibly, if material feathers are somehow just crystalized bits of grace, but since we never got a full explanation in canon, and never even really saw corporeal feathery wings that dropped feathers or could be plucked, and never even had mention of corporeal feathers outside of their use in this single spell, it’s really up to our own interpretation. And I kind of like it that way, because that way we get to have fun little discussions like this one. :D

I know this isn’t a definitive answer, but it’s how it all makes sense to me, in the hand-wavey sort of way that all of canon works. :’D

[callistochan87]

i lost this entire post. Apparently going back by swiping the wrong way on my magic mouse just...takes you back to the Tumblr homepage? It didn’t even ask if I wanted to leave or save a draft or anything (and it didn’t actually save a draft, I checked). This feels like a weird oversight on Tumblr’s part, but it’s also not the first time this has happened to me. so, fuck it. i’m annoyed as it is.

Designs are really just me spinning my wheels. Art doesn’t happen any more and i doubt my bizarre aesthetic sensibilities appeal to anyone else, so the likelihood of these getting drawn is pretty nil as it is the more i look at what ive designed for erebians the more i wonder wtf i’m doing

i did save the patterns i modified though, so that’s good, in the off chance i might actually need them again

Young Evelyn: pictured her with like a Nirvana t-shirt or whatever but didn’t feel like drawing it. This is basically it. As for the hand, picture something sort of spindly and skeleton-looking like Luke’s robot hand. Also she has one of those tattoo chokers because they were popular in the 90s but i can’t draw those.

Older Evelyn: she gets a tan living there. as for the outfit, I fucked up drawing this because i knew it was too complicated, but this is okay. Big coat is optional. she likes loose clothing and veers towards the bold colours and loose clothing Erebians wear, probably because it’s more comfortable and doesn’t snag on her arm. i have no idea how to picture her arm.

Caelis: first design is how he first appears [in the book, not in Chris flashback]; second is after he cleans up in the same book, won’t say more than that. not stoked with the pattern for the scarf but after spending like $30 on digital paper backs, this was the one that sort of worked the best? sort of. whatever. he keeps the scarf when he cleans up.

experimenting with skin tones because i don’t like how i describe the world as having dark skin as the norm/default and then have almost all the mains just be white af, especially because it doesn’t vibe with the science i am loosely trying to emulate i like it but also i can’t make a decision to save my soul so whatever, no one cares

Zerina: i toyed with the idea that it was acceptable for erebians to go topless because they didn’t have visible breasts like human women and just got a kick out of it. they still hide their tails though. also i like the capris but that’s really more of a summer thing. also toyed with the idea of making it more like overalls and i like that too

also do you realize how many packs have like floral patterns, and how floral patterns don’t work for a worldbuilding perspective when you describe the flora looking like mushrooms?? surprisingly hard. i like the simplicity but the colour scheme was not what i originally had in mind. there’s still blue, just not the shade of blue i had hoped for. zerina looks good in blue due to her orange skin.

that being said i like how disgustingly bright it is and am 1000% down for erebians in B R I G H T colours, especially younger ones. erebians live in the dark, they don’t need to dress dark either. but i like colour and using colour so i got a kick out of it

Aisofan: i did this back when i had energy and motivation, thought i might as well crib that for the second outfit. not sure about the hair colour. not stoked about the sandals because they feel lazy and also i don’t even know if they’d work with that sort of feet but okay, i wrote aisofan as living in a desert. it works.

i was also going to redesign kuiper and kepler but never got around to drawing them, not that it matters, i have a hard time trying to hash them out personality-wise anyway

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 5 Episode 5 Recap: Group B Finals ft a plot twist (Commentary & Guesses)

Hi everyone! Welcome (or welcome back) to Ana’s Masked Singer recap, where I, Ana, recap every episode of The Masked Singer. So, this week, we are back to Group B with yet another wildcard and it is the last time we are gonna see the groups on their own since after Group A’s final, we got the Super Eight (yup, it’s 8 this time... much better still than last season’s format). Anyways, let’s get into it (this is gonna be super repetitive from last week guess wise but I am gonna try to keep it interesting and fresh for you guys, don’t you worry):

Alright, so usually I would save the wildcard for the end as like a surprise, but since the wildcard got eliminated, let’s introduce (and say goodbye to at the same time) to the:

Bulldog!! 🐶

Commentary: Ok, he sang Candy Girl by New Edition (which is really funny and ironic for a whole other thing, I’ll explain in a moment I swear) and um how do I say this nicely?... he’s a great dancer, but the singing is, what Randy Jackson would say, “a no from me dawg.” (Get it? Dawg.. bc the bullDOG... oh ok I will stop now). Anyways, yeah no, he was not good, I kind of expected this to happen honestly, so I am not surprised nor disappointed by any means. However, the person under this mask kinda did surprise me lol... even tho I kind of saw this coming.

He was revealed to be, in the biggest plot twist of the century, no voting, just Neicy Nash picking it:

*SURPRISE SHAWTY*

Nick Cannon, our very own host and Ken’s “daddy*”

*which is ironic because he legit just announced he was gonna have another baby

Ok, ok, did I get this right on my own? Nope, but Twitter helped me out so thank you Twitter. I did officially guess him before he was unmasked (but that’s because I had no other guesses sooo can I really count this a win? Hmmm... TBD... you guys let me know). Anyways, BOOM PLOT TWIST BABY, he’s back! Just in case you guys didn’t know (I don’t really talk about the judges or the host here because I watch for the contestants not for them and it would make this already long blog longer and we don’t want that): Nick had COVID so he couldn’t host the first few episodes of the show, but now he’s better and BOOM he’s the host again... Neicy Nash was taking over for him and now he’s back! So yeah this was just a transition for him to be back on the show, but like imma be honest: he might have been married to Mariah Carey but he don’t got any pipes like her, but he’s a good host so he should stick to that.

Anyways, NEXTTTT, let’s talk about the remaining 4 (which are legit the same freaking ones from last week):

1. Black Swan 🖤🦢

Commentary: So she sang Whitney Houston's How Will I Know and I swear she gets better and better each week like she murdered this song, it was absolutely amazing, my favorite performance of the night hands down. I really love Black Swan, she has one of the best voices on the show and I think either her or Robopine could win the entire season tbh.

I think this has to be (tripling down/final answer/insert buzzer sound here):

Jojo

Reasoning/Clues:

10-10-10= She has appeared on multiple singing competition shows (she did a lot of those shows as a kid), she was on America’s Most Talented Kids and was a guest judge on celebrity X Factor

Montana= get this... if you are around my age, this will surprise you. Did you guys know that Jojo was the original person that the producers of Hannah Montana wanted to play Hannah but she turned it down because she wanted to focus on her music

In her physical clue, she talks about a female singer who passed away at a young age that she was friends with= she was referring to fellow R&B singer Aaliyah

2. Crab 🦀

Commentary: He sang Give it to Me Baby by Rick James and it was a very strong performance, it almost took me aback the song choice. I didn’t expect him to go that hard in the beginning, the hip thrusts were a bit uncomfortable for me and he can’t dance for shit (I am sure it’s because he’s a bit older, not faulting him by any means), but it was really strong vocally speaking. He did actually loose his breathe and started hyperventilating under the mask and had to take a break to cool down (literally, because he was burning up under there), which honestly I hope he’s ok, I am not sure if he’s gonna last that long because of that hyperventilating (remember Mickey Rourke?), but tbh it would have been so unfair for him to go because he did an amazing job and I enjoyed his performance. He got soul.... crab’s got soul.

This has got to be (doubling down, like omg even the picture matches w the body type and everything, I am onto something here):

Bobby Brown

Reasoning/Clues:

Mom kept him in the straight and narrow and taught him how to cook= well, he has spoke about how his mother has gotten him away from the gangs and trouble around his neighborhood and into cooking (he even has a food line, hence the Mac and cheese), which also made him take up singing and thus his band New Edition (remember how I said Nick singing Candygirl by New Edition was ironic? Well this is why... because crab is Bobby Brown aka one of the members.... also Black Swan sang his ex wife’s song so yeah this can’t get any more ironic) was formed

Big Ben= Initals, BB aka Bobby Brown and also he had a show in 2005 called Being Bobby Brown and one of the episodes “Bobby Does London” he goes to London

Ribs= he has a line of BBQ sauces and seasonings called Bobby Brown Foods

3. Piglet 🐷

Commentary: This time, he went a bit softer with the song choice which I feel compliments his voice better, with 7 Years by Lukas Graham, which made Jenny, who apparently hasn’t listened to this song before (wtf Jenny, this song was all over the radio in like 2017 and you are like a radio host hun), cry. I mean it was really amazing and ballads actually suit him a lot more than super upbeat songs like last week’s Andy Grammar song and I really enjoyed it, I’ve heard that song a million times so no I didn’t cry but I still loved it. I do think Piglet will go super far, my guess is he will make it to semifinals.

I am a 100%, tripling down sure that this is:

Nick Lachey

Reasoning/Clues:

Genie Lamp= He did a cover of Aladdin’s A Whole New World with his ex Jessica Simpson on Disney Mania 3

The “spider” who made him a family man= referring to Vanessa Lachey, it was supposed to be this whole Charlotte’s Web thing not really referring anything specific about her that she’s a spider, she could have been another pig for all we care

Dog Tags= in the physical clue, there are 3 dog tags, which he has been seen wearing (you can Google those pics) and they represent his 3 kids which his wife gave him before they had their third kid, Phoenix (btw there’s a P on the bottom dog tag shown)

4. Chameleon

Commentary: Ok so he rapped again but this time the song was Hip Hop by Dead Prez (which I have felt like I have heard but I have no idea where) and I usually hate rappers on this show, but like he’s legit. What I mean by that is like he’s an actual rapper (well Bow Wow was too... but Bow Wow only went as far as he did because of his dancing, Chameleon is just pure rap talent) and his flow is insane. I am not a rap fan whatsoever but I can appreciate good rapping and that was good rapping, actually it was great rapping. Sure, he’s the weakest link of the four but he’s also the coolest one could argue.

Mark my words, this is as I said the last 2 types, again tripling down:

Wiz Khalifa

Reasoning/Clues:

His little Chameleon/lizard= he has an 8 year old son named Sebastian (he also says Cam in the package which is his real name... by him I mean Wiz.... his real name is Cameron)

Martial Arts= the dude likes Martial Arts and has been trained in it and Jiu Jitsu, he has mentioned it in interviews, has been spotted training in gyms, it’s no secret at this point that he likes that stuff

Hot wings= he has a wings place called HotBox by Wiz and he was also on Hot Ones (for those unfamiliar, it’s a YouTube show where celebs eat 10 super spicy chicken wings while answering questions) idk if that counts but I am also gonna say it

So that’s it, guys! I hope you enjoyed! Follow me on Twitter because I do live tweet the show, it’s the same username as here @photolover82 and I do some of these in video form on Tik Tok too if you wanna follow, it’s photolover820 (close enough lol). So yeah, see you guys in the next one! Byeeee! 👋🏼👋🏼

[newtshairdryer]

Thoughts on Descendants 3 as I watch it for the 8th time and pause to look at everybody all the time

- When Ben and Mal are walking out before the proposal, Audrey is slow clapping and it’s hilarious

-Chad seems genuinely happy to see them together but Audrey rains on his parade

-Please look at Chad’s face to the side after Ben gets on his knee his overdramatic gaping mouth is SENDING ME

-Why do they make Belle and the Beast kiss beside each other’s cheeks like a french greeting? For real though they’re Belle and the Beast...they should be kissing in celebration .-.

-Right after the Carlos/Beast chest bump there’s an extra in the background of Bal just having a blast popping bubbles

-Speaking of the bubbles I have no clue where they’re coming from

- Dude in the background when Audrey says ”What is wrong with you people?” bein shady AF to her

-That one girl in the wheelchair that has been in every single movie needs a name cause we all just refer to her as that one girl in the wheelchair lol

-Mal has her own purple fucking limo and she’s not even royalty yet

-Their money is so vibrantly coloured

-Those cards Celia fan out are definitely, well, a fan. They’re all attached- she’s not even holding onto some of them lol

-Mal resting her chin on Ben’s shoulder to watch him and Celia in the limo. soft

-The scenes in the limo make Ben look really big and awkward because they’re all shoved into a small space and he’s in the middle where the smallest person usually goes...but he’s the biggest person XD

-The barrier takes forever to close and there are a ton of people right there, why has no one attempted to just jump through it yet lol

-What if Hades put his hand through the barrier and it just like...cut it off LMFAO now THAT would have been entertaining 

-Hades literally makes himself roll one more time as he’s pushed back. Like there’s no more momentum and you can see he should stop but he makes himself do another somersault and it’s so obvious lol

-I know it’s been said before but the lack of security in the museum is just lazy AF writing. They didn’t even try to make it realistic it’s way too easy to just waltz in and take anything. Apparently the wand is the only thing worthy of an alarm

-Also why is there not even glass around the scepter to even attempt to discourage people from taking it? Even when the museum is OPEN someone could yank it out and start spelling shit up.

-Ben’s phone rings and he hangs it up less than a second after he picked it up- it doesn’t even show him barely looking at it. How on earth did he have time to see a message about the stolen items- let alone the fact it was a phone call ring...not a text ping

- OK WAIT IF UMA IS ON THE LOOSE AND HE TALKED ABOUT BETTER SECURITY SERIOUSLY WHY ON EARTH IS THE MUSEUM SECURITY SO NON EXISTENT??? IN BOTH THE FIRST MOVIE AND THIS ONE THEIR LACK OF SECURITY IS SUCH A GLARINGLY OBVIOUS THING WHY IS IT NON EXISTENT IT MAKES NO SENSE

-Why are the former King and Queen of Auradon and the current reigning King turning to the not yet Queen for all the advice about evil like it’s her responsibility. They don’t even attempt to brainstorm the vast amount of other ideas. And why on earth can’t she just suggest uh...literal guards by the barrier when it opens for them? Like if they paid people on the isle to guard the barrier so other isle people didn’t try to get out it would help a ton. There are so many other solutions other than closing the barrier completely (and then getting rid of it completely??)

-Does anyone else notice that like...50% of Ben’s screen time is him staring in shock/disbelief at things with literally no other expression for entire scenes? Cause I noticed it the first time around

-My favourite outfit in this whole movie for Mal is this light purple dress she has on when talking about closing the barrier for the first time with Ben’s parents and Evie. She is SO GORGEOUS in it. I’m actually not a fan of the leather suit she wears for the rest of the movie cause I don’t feel it fits with her hairstyle- mainly once it starts to go blue

-I just realized Mal’s hair literally goes from pretty much just purple to lots of blue mixed in. I guess it’s cool cause it’s like she gets power from the ember but I honestly prefer her brighter purple hair. My favourite hairstyle was her bangs she looked like an actual goddess in the 2nd movie

-I think everyone was thinking Dude got into Jane’s cake (despite the very neatly cut corner)

-I honestly love Mal’s face when Audrey shows up with the crown and scepter and her whole new gettup like “What on earth is this chick doing”

-I reiterate “what on earth is this chick doing” as Audrey goes to...sniff? the scepter?

-I wAnT tO bE dAnGeRoUS

-Audrey through a cupcake on the ground. So evil

-Honestly I’m sorry but Audrey talking all angsty to the people at Jane’s party is really cringey. Her lines are just...hhhhhhhhh (you mindless little drones in particular just seems weird the way she says it)

-How on earth does Audrey not see Jane get in the lake...she’s literally right there in full view

-OK so not ALL magic doesn’t work on the Isle, according to Celia only evil magic doesn’t work- so yes Maleficent is still a lizard cause Mal’s spell wasn’t an evil one

-Even with her massive platform shoes Mal is so much shorter than Hades she is yelling at him but having to look way up she’s adorable

- Hades “LET’S DANCE” - proceeds to shake a tambourine, slap his butt with it and stick his tongue out. ok then

-Why did I never notice Mal shake the tambourine at him angrily and then throw it lmao

-WHERE IS THE WIND COMING FROM IN THIS SONG (I will touch back on random wind that shouldn’t be there later on too)

-Mal should say thank you for the ember...imo

-”If it gets wet it’s game over” thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s what she said

-Mal’s walking away from Haes up those stairs? That booty thicc (only thing I really like about that outfit) 

-Girl has a zipper down her butt. She can unzip her ass cheeks

-I’m glad the jewelry in this movie is no longer plastic like Ben’s ring and his burger king crown

-“You’ll what? Marry them?” OK I am not a big fan of the plot or Audrey’s temper tantrum but  if that isn’t the best fucking burn in this whole franchise then idk what is

-gUYS CELIA IS NOT THE ACTRESS SHE IS SUPPOSE TO BE IN AN ENTIRE MAIN SHOT??? WTF? HOW HAS NO ONE POINTED THIS OUT?? SHE’S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON WHEN THEY’RE WALKING OUT OF THE GATE TOWARDS THE BARRIER ON THE ISLE AND THEN THE NEXT SHOT IT’S BACK TO THE PROPER ACTRESS. BUT IT’S VERY OBVIOUS

-I AM GAY AS SHIT FOR UMA OK SHE IS ABSOLUTE PEAK AESTHETIC AND I WOULD LET HER CHOKE ME WITH HER BRAIDS 

-I deserve some compensation for my muscles...what does that even mean???

-Are we suppose to know who Hannah is?

-”Says you and that’s suppose to mean someth’n to me?” Ok maybe I’m just a flaming bisexual for Uma but why was that line delivery so smooth

-Audrey is abusing Chad. She threw a glass bowl at him and is literally shoving him around and yelling at him while accusing him of knowing things and not telling her. And it’s played for laughs. Descendants you have a lot of good things that are socially woke but this ain’t it man. Chad may have been a douche but he doesn’t deserve abuse. (rhyme oof)

- Why is Dude advertising that he gives great cuddles? Who is that directed at? Why is that line in there? Alright then

-How is Uma the only one that noticed the massive scratches on the wall and the literal painting slashed in half

-Mkay we get it Audrey you’re evil thanks for the random laugh

-The knight in front of them literally clanged as it moved and it’s RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM how did nobody but Harry see it move. This entire movie is me asking why something happened because honestly so much of it just doesn’t make sense but I still love the movie lmao

-Out numbered 1 to 50? How did this girl graduate lol

-I still say What The Fuck Is Happening every time Mal makes the Knights dance. It’s just the most random, out of the blue thing to do

-Mal literally licks her lip and gives Evie the most sultry look as Evie dips down and is singing the end of Night Falls. I’m not a Mevie shipper but it’s the most bedroom eyes I’ve ever seen

-Evie is an absolute ray of sunshine and deserves all the things

-Harry is genuinely flattered at Evie’s compliment about his accent he starts to smile. Dude acts like a complete player and then gets happy when someone gives him a genuine compliment lol

-Jay and Gil are adorable

-Gil is just adorable on his own

-Doug is in way too comfortable of a position to not have already been on the ground sleeping/resting. Which begs the question of why he was just on the ground sleeping like that

-Doug’s long hair and ponytail and complete lack of style are some of my biggest pet peeves in this movie. He doesn’t just look out of place next to Evie, but next to literally everyone else. He looked pretty good in the last two, why such a drastic change that literally nobody asked for or wanted lol

-I seriously can’t take Evie and Doug seriously in this movie just because of his hair. It’s just so unattractive I’m sorry not sorry

- I do enjoy the sense of urgency and time that the movie has as Mal tries to keep moving. Uma and her being like “just kiss him already” is fun

-They could have shot Audrey looking at them through the scepter in a different way...the way it’s just the same close up shot every time she’s looking at it with her hair blowing in the non-existent wind just adds to how cheesy her whole performance is (not her fault, director and writers fault)

-Mal should have kissed Ben when they reunited. 0 reason not to. She was super worried about him and finally reunited with him and she also LOOKED like she wanted to kiss him. Girl was super into that beard. 

-Leave some room for Jesus lmao 

-I’m just bitter cause the only kiss we get this whole movie is from kinda far away and is short. We’ve also never seen them share a sweet kiss in private- they’re always on display....maybe it’s a kink lol

-Ben and Mal holding hands while trying to sneak around <3

-Sophia’s acting when Evie is upset is on point. This whole scene is one of the only really good ones where everyone is rightfully upset with Mal. 

-Mal has had to sing about her feelings in every movie lmao

-Why...does the dragon look like it has a low frame rate? It looks choppy

-Audrey just, once again, doesn’t look menacing. She’s just like...waving a stick around and making mean faces

-”I owe you an apology” says everyone but...no one actually says “I’m sorry” lol

- Ben is just “aw yiss speak human rights to me baby” at Mal during the engagement party

- Beast: “We can’t do that.” I AGREE

-Taking the barrier down with no screening for the villains is a bad bad bad bad idea but it’s a happy disney universe so everything is fine - ugh

-UNSAFE BRIDGE!!1!!1 I’m waiting for someone to fall off- just once, please

-Mal and Uma jumping up and down when they kmeetis the cutest fucking thing on earth

-Ben needs a different thing to dance in, his suit is so stiff

-Harry and Audrey? Hmmmm I’m not opposed but I’m also not feelin it

-Were those people just...waiting there with an already built dragon?

-Ben likes to hip thrust in every movie, no lie

[redbeardace]

Quarantine 4: Stay Home

[This is a post for the May Carnival of Aces.]

So much is different now.

So much is the same.

I have been very fortunate so far.  The disease hasn’t touched me or anyone close to me yet.  I still have a job and am working full time.  The biggest practical impact on my life is that I no longer have a daily commute.

I see other people talking about their experiences and they’re so...  strange?

Someone remarked on my “8 days without human contact” sign, shocked that I hadn’t needed to go shopping in 8 days, that I must have really stocked up.  But I routinely go two weeks without shopping, 8 days is nothing.  I’m going on my 23rd day on this cycle and the only reason I’ll have to go shopping now is that I’m out of milk.  I still have plenty of everything else.

It’s weird to me that people seem to think that having more than three days of groceries is prepper level stockpiling.  And watching everyone make a run on the stores and seeing what they were grabbing was just baffling.  When Cascadia puts on its big show, what are these people planning to do?

People talk about how little gas they’ve been buying lately.  Welcome to my life. I have a mostly electric car and go months between fill ups.

I am truly concerned about the number of people posting “My kids are making me drink haha” jokes.  Sure, maybe it’s funny for the first few days, but if you’re still saying that on day 57, I think you seriously need to step back and look at yourself and consider if maybe you have a drinking problem.  Because you’ve spent two months talking about how you routinely drink in order to cope with the stress of your children, and that seems like you might have a problem.

Anyone know how to tell a bunch of my coworkers that they may be alcoholics in a tactful way...?

I’ve been telling a daily WFH joke on the company chat system.  I can’t keep it up anymore.  It’s gone on too long.

I’ve been making masks.

I’ve been putting hats on scarecrow owls.

I’ve been making subtle changes to the backdrop of the daily video calls for work.  Yesterday it was an vintage photo of an old man, a middle aged woman, and a teenage girl who might be a timelord, standing in a field.  Tomorrow it will be a jazzy picture of a roll of toilet paper with a face drawn on it.

It is named Sir Roland of Charmaine.

I ordered pizza delivery for the first time ever today.  I like pizza and hate people, so how come I’ve never done this before.

I haven’t had a nasty headache in weeks.

I haven’t put on any weight.

I live alone.  If I get sick, I’m going to have to take care of myself somehow.  I don’t know if I’d be able to do that.  There won’t be anyone to leave dinner at the top of the stairs.  There won’t be anyone to take me to the hospital if things get bad.  

Stuff is piling up.  Like literal stuff in literal piles.  My stairs are on the verge of becoming hazardous.  I’m not sure where all this stuff has come from.

I’m now treating my mail as hazardous material.

If I ever had to deal with actual hazardous material, I probably wouldn’t survive.

I see all these people talking about how much time they have now.  I have no extra time.  I’m feeling like I’m being an unproductive loser because I’m not going to come out of this knowing how to play the mandolin in Romanian or whatever, but I don’t have newfound free time.  Even the time gained back from the commute has vanished somewhere.

I have to have a timer at my desk so that I’ll stop working after 8-ish hours.

They’ve been giving me plastic bags at the grocery store because they refuse to use the reusable ones.  Reminds me just how much I hate plastic bags.

I have to get my house painted.  I’m kinda digging this no contact thing.  I need to take advantage of it more while it lasts.

The president is still a fascist, there’s gun-toting nutjobs on the loose who aim to kill us all one way or another, and the MURDER HORNETS ARE HERE.

Seriously.  The Murder Hornets are here.  WTF.

I’ve mostly been in good shape.  Two incidents threw me off balance.  

I lost a notecard of WFH jokes.  That was kind of a last straw situation, where I had to shuffle and strain to try to make a usable workspace and nothing was going right and even after a best attempt, the chair didn’t fit and I didn’t fit because I never fit and now there’s all sorts of stuff in my hallway that doesn’t belong there and what am I going to do with it all and I didn’t want to do any of this and NOW WHERE IN THE HELL IS MY NOTE CARD BECAUSE IT WAS RIGHT HERE AND I WAS CAREFUL WITH IT AND WHERE DID IT GO AND HOW DID I LOSE IT IT LITERALLY WENT SEVEN FEET AT MOST AND I’VE SEARCHED THE WHOLE AREA A DOZEN TIMES AND HOW COULD IT JUST DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT.

The latest Stay At Home order extension.  I knew it was coming, but just running the calendar out based on the dates they were saying and extrapolating for the dates they weren’t saying, and coming up with the middle of July at the earliest and just...

Somehow, the loss of the Pride Parade didn’t hit me that hard.  It should have.

Quarantine beards.  I don’t get it.  I mean, I’m lazy about shaving, but this I don’t understand.  Also, I’m pretty much incapable of growing a proper quarantine beard.  I grow in a month what others do in a few days.

I cut my own hair.  I’ve got electric clippers.  It’s really not that hard and it doesn’t involve potentially giving the plague to any barbers or pretending that democracy is threatened by my bangs getting a bit too long.  Of course, I only do it about once a year.  This is around the time of year that I do it, though.

I’ve worn pants every day.  Regular pants.  Not PJs or sweat pants.  But pants pants.  You all really not wearing pants?  Maybe I’ll wear a skirt one day to mix things up.

I have been routinely testing my sense of smell.  Haven’t lost it yet.

There’s stuff I want to do, but I don’t feel like doing any of it.  There are time-sensitive projects I want to do, but I don’t really want to sit in front of the computer for the time it would take to make it happen.  Because I sit in front a computer in my house all day for work now and there’s no energy left for anything more.  Not that there was energy for that stuff before.

Am I supposed to support the economy by ordering from local businesses online or save the lives of delivery workers by only ordering essential things?  And how come when I ordered a bunch of stuff from a place that claims they’re prioritizing essential items, the one thing that I ordered that could be considered essential was the last thing they shipped?

I had a Nigerian organized crime ring file for unemployment in my name.  The state’s apparently lost millions in this scheme.  I don’t understand how that can be.  It seems like “Don’t Send Money To Nigeria” would be a pretty straightforward check in the system.

Oh.  Wait.  I’m a software engineer who’s spent my time on the quality and reliability side of the house.  I can totally see something like that getting deprioritized and won’t-do’d.

Also had my credit card number stolen and used on a wild shopping spree.  Not sure if that’s ‘rona-related.  It’s the credit card I use for all my online shopping.  So that’s all on hold at the moment.

My car battery died.  I had to use a battery pack to jump it.  Fun fact:  I drive a plug-in hybrid, which had been plugged in this whole time.  Apparently the 12v battery doesn’t get charged by the wall plug.  Which seems really weird to me.

I see lots of people complaining about how they can’t have sex right now or how dating is weird.  So not a problem for me.

[thelastarchangelaskblog]

Session 16

This is our most recent session! Our DM ( @the-grey-hunt) titled it “Oh Boy Guys” in her session notes after we were done, which goes to show just what...uh...happened.

A lot. An...unexpected amount. Including something our DM didn’t expect to happen for another three plot points but I don’t know what she was expecting with that curve ball she threw at us. (Her status on Discord is now back to RECALCULATING.)

Anyway, our entire party was present but for @imagine1117, which was a bit...unfortunate.

So what happened anyway?

**

(Read more.)

It’s still raining outside, and we’re no longer in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters and have never been in Ankh before but really do need somewhere to stay.

@heliocentricgeometric: I'm thinking about what this anxious weirdo would do.

Tony just asks a random gnome where an inn is that they can stay at, and they’re directed to a nice boarding house that has 3 rooms we split between the six of us. Once we’re dried off, we reconvene in one room to discuss S.H.I.E.L.D.

Zira is adamant that she’s joining but no one else has to. Rhodey ( @rebaobsessions) is just as adamant that she’s not going to join it alone and DJ (doxblogsstuff) agrees.

But what about Tony? He’s not a fan of joining a shady organization, although he doesn’t specifically list his reasons for why. He does state he’s willing to ally with them as an independent contractor.

Tony: I'm not going off by myself.

Rhodey: Good.

DJ has doubts about this plan, since he doesn’t think Fury will agree to an independent contractor role.

DJ: Cranky Pants made it sound like it was a black-and-white choice. I don't know if he's been paying attention, but there's a lot of grey out there.

Tony: Shady organizations that think in black-and-white aren’t organizations I want to join.

Bob ( @thechaoticwave​) hasn’t agreed to joining either! He states he needs more information and just left with more questions after talking to Fury and getting some answers.

There’s a meta joke among us about the fact that Bob occasionally also has the name Tony and he and Tony can make a detective club. Zira suggests Tony become a detective and the joke spirals from there.

DM: Tony & Tony Private Detectives

thechaoticwave: Tony-squared.

Dox: T-squared. Their calling card is a t-square nailed to the door.

Back in game, Tony is stating his own decision shouldn’t affect anyone else’s, but Rhodey doesn’t want to leave him alone.

Rhodey: You’re not going anywhere without me by your side.

Tony: I’m not asking you for that.

Rhodey: You don’t get to ask or not ask me that— It’s already given, Tony. It’s already given.

(MY HEART, GUYS)

The conversation doesn’t really have a resolution since Bob still needs more info and Tony is resolutely not joining S.H.I.E.L.D. We wait for the rain to stop before heading down and do some errands.

DJ wants to visit the store his relatives have here since it’s an Artificing store. He invites Tony since it’ll be cool for Tony to check out. Tony agrees to come along but will have to leave for his own errands.

DJ asks the head of the inn where his relatives’ store is, actually using their name. He tries being stealthy but it’s not quiet enough to get past our groups’ passive perception.

There are...reactions among the players.

DJ last name reveal.

inu: wait WHAT WAS THAT

Everyone else: JAMJAR

There are Jar Jar Binks gifs going around in the lurking chat, and Tony in-game is going what very, very quietly.

In the meantime, Zira is interested in why DJ is wanting to go shopping and what is this about holidays?

Zira: We need to jump back. We need to jump way back. What holiday?

An explanation later that involves the practice of gift giving.

Zira: Does this mean I should be getting gifts for you? I don't even know what you like! I mean...explosions?

Some other folks are like...I don’t know if I can find a good gift since I’m terrible in real life. (coughrebacough)

inu (in lurking chat): Now I have an idea for DJ's gift.

Everyone else in voice chat: Oh no.

We do eventually find our way to JamJar Jar Jar Artificers.

The proprietors: Welcome to Jamjar Artificers ...Have I met you before?

DJ, their relative: I'm Junior.

Madi and Mani are the twin proprietors of a store that sells absolutely nothing made by actual artificers. Tony is familiar with almost everything in the store and is an actual artificer. The stores’ contents are also super expensive and we don’t have the funds because our DM hasn’t provided us with a ton of loot drops...

Zira: Being hunted for sport actually doesn't pay very well.

DJ: I could have used a little more gold and a little less near death experiences.

Madi and Mani would really like DJ to buy this cat figurine that has been in their store for absolutely ages. (Please guess which cats this figurine is modeled after. Please.) It’s still 75 gp but they’re willing to knock down the price!

After some more exploring, Tony eventually gives DJ everyone else’s money bags and leaves on his own errands.

He manages to find his way back down to the first floor, upon which he...senses a little something...a little something familiar.

It’s Balthazar.

Balthazar is here.

Balthazar is physically here.

He’s here and painting a mural on the wall!!

Tony has absolutely no idea what to do, but he’s too curious for his own good to just leave without acknowledging his brother in some way. It’s been two years since he’s last seen him in person!

Tony says something nice about Balthazar’s painting, getting his attention. Balthazar turns to him, presumably about to say something nice, 

There’s a moment, and then Balthazar sees the signet ring Tony has.

Balthazar: What’s that ring you're wearing?

Tony looks down at this ring he has always worn and never even considered.

Tony (to himself): Oh shit.

Balthazar tries some kind of spell but Tony aces the wisdom save.

Balthazar keeps asking where Tony got the ring from. Tony is absolutely truthful that it’s his ring and he stole it off a table and not any fingers. Balthazar is incredibly doubtful and suspicious of this because his brother would never let go of that ring and why does Tony have it

I want it to be known that everyone in the lurking chat is losing their minds over Balthazar being physically present and ALL OF THEM IN A STORE AND NOT PRESENT.

Bob ends up leaving because he’s uninterested in what the rest of the party is doing. Zira follows after him.

thechaoticwave rolls a Nat 20 on perception.

DM: Bob, you go up to the balcony, look down, and see this dude about to throw hands with Tony.

Bob flies down, and Zira is right on his heels to see what’s up and is like HEY, WHAT’S GOING ON. This gets everyone else’s attention, and soon they’re all trying to find their way down to the first floor.

Bob interjects himself smack in the middle before Balthazar can throw any punches. His presence is enough for Balthazar to back off a little, but he’s still insistent on the ring being his brother’s (Gabriel) and why does Tony have it?

Bob makes the offhand suggestion that maybe Tony’s his brother! :D

The rest of the group sprints to Tony’s defense, and Balthazar is now faced down by a 6′6″ tall aasimar with sharp teeth, Rhodey who has a ton of weapons, a bird, JARVIS, and a halfling. (Luna is off to parts unknown.)

Rhodey asks Tony if he knows what’s going on here. Tony just nods because anything else would be a lie, wouldn’t it?

Balthazar is now amenable to moving this conversation somewhere more private because Tony isn’t having this discussion here.

They go into a side alley. Balthazar reiterates that the only reason his brother wouldn’t have this ring would be if he was dead.

Tony: He’s not dead.

Balthazar: And how do you know that?!

Tony: Because...he’s me.

There’s...a stunned pause. Helio is accidentally ejected from voice chat while Bob is trying to give Zira a high-five.

And then Balthazar is instantly in denial because how???

Zira: Well, is he your brother then?

Balthazar: NO!

Balthazar is insistent he’d know if Tony was his brother. He’s spent enough time with his siblings to know them! And Tony doesn’t look like any of them!!

This means...is Tony under a disguise??

Helio: 465 is now in the front y’all!

reba: Oh, NO

465 is mad. She is so mad, guys. She demands to know what Tony’s real name is. If that’s even his actual face!!

Tony doesn’t answer, just says they need to go somewhere private if he’s going to do this. Balthazar leads them to his place because he doesn’t want to be led somewhere unfamiliar.

Tony takes off the amulet, and it’s Gabriel.

Helio: Can we pause for a second

DM: Yeah, let loose.

(three to four simultaneous meltdowns)

Balthazar is having emotions. Gabriel is having emotions. Everyone else in the party is just probably in varying stages of wtf-ery and 465 is apparently startled enough and Zira startled enough that Zee is back in the driver’s seat because 465 and Zira are now fighting.

Zee: Mr. Tony... Gabriel. Mr. Tony-Gabriel.

Balthazar eventually tells everyone to make themselves comfortable. He’s found solace in a chair himself.

thechaoticwave: Bob just flops down as soon as he says make yourself comfortable.

DM: Like, on your stomach?

thechaoticwave: Yeah.

Zee is super talkative and introducing herself and the Zira collective to Balthazar. DJ puts a hand over her mouth. He’s wearing the gauntlets of ogre strength and I think Zee licks it?

DM: It tastes like metal and dead people. The dead person is mostly on the inside.

Balthazar swears a little as Gabriel talks; he doesn’t like what he’s hearing.

Zee: That was a bad word. Also is your shirt broken?

Balthazar: No. I'm hot.

Zee: Why don't you take it off?

DJ: Zee, darling, Mr. Balthazar looks a little stressed out right now. Why don't we not critique his clothing choices right now?

Balthazar: If you’re going to call me Mister, use my last name Quill.

Gabriel keeps telling Balthazar about what happened back home. That he left because he if he hadn’t then he probably would have gotten himself killed. And he’s going after the ones who left to join the Horned Crown.

Balthazar looks like he doesn’t want to hear this and doesn’t know whether to believe this. He’s curled in on himself in the chair.

Gabriel eventually reaches out, but something he says upsets Balthazar and he withdraws. Gabriel doesn’t try again.

Gabriel tells Balthazar they’ll leave and are heading to their boarding house. Balthazar can find him there and bring Hannah if he wants.

Balthazar snidely asks if he’s going to skip town. Gabriel glances over to the group and Rhodey and DJ are very adamant on going LIKE HELL with their eyebrows.

Gabriel puts the amulet back on and leaves before anyone else does. Rhodey eventually follows after, leaving Zira, Bob, and DJ to follow.

Rhodey tries to touch Gabriel’s shoulder, but Gabriel actually flinches and puts space between them. Rhodey doesn’t try again.

They end up back in the boarding house. Rhodey and Gabriel are in the room they share. Rhodey lets him know he can take time to think and Rhodey’s here if Gabriel wants to talk. And that he still trusts him and loves him.

There isn’t a verbal response from Gabriel, but he does nod.

Rhodey rolls a Nat 1 on insight against Gabriel’s 19 (17?) for deception. It’s...uh...bad.

Rhodey leaves the room, closes the door, and starts crying against it because he thinks something really awful, guys.

I’m just going ahhhh in the voice chat because owwww

DM to inu: This is your bed that you made and you're going to lie in it.

Zee and DJ find Rhodey crying against the door. Zee is instantly jumping to comfort and gives Rhodey a hug.

reba: Helio, your characters are too perfect and you have three of them.

DJ shoves Rhodey aside while he’s hugging Zee. Zee and Rhodey head downstairs for some water while DJ goes to talk to Gabriel.

DJ: Oh my god, you are so fucking DUMB

Gabriel doesn’t respond to anything. DJ accidentally injures him on trying to pull his hands away from his face because he rolled a Nat 1 and so the gauntlets catch on Gabriel’s skin. He’s rubbing at the wounds angrily but still kindly and is telling Gabriel to go talk to Rhodey because he was crying.

Gabriel: You’re a good kid.

DJ: I’m an adult.

Gabriel: A good kid.

Gabriel goes downstairs, but Rhodey and Zee are sitting together and drinking some water. Zee has managed to cheer Rhodey up some, and Gabriel doesn’t want to bother them.

Zee catches sight of him and waves him over. Rhodey catches sight and raises a hand. Gabriel makes to go to a corner table and Rhodey droops.

Only DJ is there and keeps poking Gabriel in the back, but JARVIS headbutts him because that’s just rude and stop poking Gabriel! DJ hauls Gabriel off to Rhodey and Zee because he’s not leaving them to not talk about this!!

DJ: Zee, sweetheart, let's go over and talk to Neil and Luna, who is invisible. Because Rhodey and Tony need to have a conversation like two adults.

Gabriel sits down but has a chair of space between them. Neither of them speaks. 

inu: Two guys at a table sitting in awkward silence.

DM: Two bros sitting in a hot tub.

Rhodey gathers his thoughts and eventually tells Gabriel he’s still there for him.

Rhodey: I still trust you. I still love you

Gabriel: You don’t know me.

Rhodey: Are you going to say that, after all we've done? That it’s all a lie?

Gabriel: ...no.

Gabriel tells Rhodey it was a mask. Rhodey doesn’t like hearing this. He wants to know if everything about them was a lie. If anything was real.

Gabriel tells him a little about leaving and that none of this was intended. That he made attachments he never intended to make but he’s made them.

Gabriel: I don’t want to leave.

Rhodey: And I definitely don’t want you to go.

Gabriel: Then...I guess we can try.

(There is a part where Rhodey says he loves part of Gabriel already. Can’t he love the rest? my heart)

Rhodey reaches out a hand, and Gabriel gives it a look before grabbing hold of it. He’s holding it pretty tightly, and Rhodey’s squeezing back just as hard.

And that’s where we end the session!!!

see, so much happened

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 jae

following my uni!au with young k (idk how to link my own post asbajdnskmd im Dumb) so here another one with jae lol i think im gonna make one for each one of them buttttttt no promise bc my brain works in a very mysterious way LOL

anyway leggo

warning: this is lame lmaooooo

name: park jaehyung / jae

major: politic science

other activities: guitarist (and sometimes vocalist) of university band, member of music club, founder and leader of LOL SQUAD

everyone knows that tall skinny guitarist of the band i mean he’s hard to ignore tbh

he always wears loose T-shirt, ripped jeans, a cap that he puts backward, and round big specs to campus

professors hate his ripped jeans but can’t really say anything because oh well style doesn’t define someone’s grades and boy, does this kid actually get some braincells in him

well i mean at least he never fails his classes

he has this giant LOLSQUAD badge on his backpack because he’s proud af of his title as the club founder and leader

he actually started that club so he could to brag about his gaming skill to everyone who wanted to listen but he ends up getting his ass handed to him every single time they play together smh

if he’s not in class or hanging out with his game buddies, he can be seen following that Popular Student™ kang younghyun or as jae prefers to call him, “brian” or “brIBRI” because they both joined music club and are in the band

yes yes he’s well known and easy to spot

but…

“jae? park jaehyung?? who???”

everyone refers to him as “that foreigner student”, “the American guy” or “the gamer guy”, or my favorite: “chicken little”

i will never let that joke die im sorry but seriously he looks like chicken when he plays his guitar on the stage don’t @ me

there are only like 5 students in the whole university who know his actual name

anyways in this scenario you’ve always been interested in playing guitar but haven’t gotten a chance to learn and your friend kim wonpil invites you to join music club so you’ll have friends to practice with

“you know our jaehyungie, right? he’s really chill, you’ll get along well with him!!”

deep inside you’re like

who the heck is jaehyung

but wonpil is so excited to have you there so the next week you come to the club meeting

you introduce yourself to everyone and finally you meet him

“ohmygod the chicken little!!”

“whO THE HECK ARE YOU CALLING THAT”

“sorry- i mean the chicken guitarist- wait no-”

he glares at you, you laugh instead

scaring the new member challenge: failed

but yeah you’d seen him performing before and honestly you almost decided to become his fan

a l m o s t

at first he (jokingly) refuses to teach you guitar because you called him chicken little

and since then you keep calling him that just to mess with him

“hi chicken little”

“what’s poppin chicken little”

“why do you look so flustered, chicken little? do i make you nervous??”

he turns red chicken little is now an angry bird “gO AWAY NEWBIE YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”

jae’s a foreigner but he speaks fluent korean

he tells you that even though he was born and grew up in america he always speaks the language with his parents

but of course since he lives abroad there are lots of words or slang he doesn’t know, so you gotta be an ass and slip some difficult words when you speak to him

he gets his revenge by replying to you in english

whenever you two are having an argument (usually over stupid things) everyone in the club suddenly gets headache

wtf they’re not even making any sense

besides music, jae is the most excited when talking about LOL or social topics because well his major

honestly idk much about politic science so cmiimw

one time someone asks for his opinion about social welfare and he ends up starting a sudden debate session with the said person about social welfare programs in south korea and america and the difference between both countries

you mention human rights and he sNAPS

i mean he gives a full 15 mins speech about it

“yknow what im sayin?”

“dude… i honestly don’t get it at all”

because he be speaking in full english like wat

he’s just so passionate about everything it’s almost adorable

a l m o s t

and it’s not only his passion but also his small eyes, his laugh, his voice, or the way he occasionally lifts his head to look at you while playing guitar and you smile and he smiles because you smile first shnshsbshs soft

even the corners of his lips are so cute wow

oh fuck im emo i love him

but you adore him just as a good friend

he’s always been bubbly and friendly with everyone, not just you, so yeah it’s really easy to fall for him but you assure yourself that you’re nOT

are we having “in denial” shit again omg im so uncreative

anyway fast forward it’s ur birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY

you decide to throw a small party at your place and invite 5 or 6 of your closest friends but damn on the d-day it rains so hard

if ur bday falls on winter then change it to snowing hard, if it’s spring then maybe there’s strong wind or something, whatever suits you fam lol

so no one comes to your party lol you are Sad

BUT THEN!!!! JAE SHOWS UP!!!!!

PARK JAEHYUNG

OUT OF ALL PEOPLE

no you didn’t invite him because idk

are we really that close??? ehhhh he probably won’t come anyway haha why bother

BUT!!!! HE SHOWS UP!!! IN FRONT OF YOUR DOOR!!!

he’s carrying an umbrella but it didn’t really help apparently because he’s soaking wet

imagine that view i mean nvm

“i happened to be near here and i remember it’s your birthday today so i think i’m gonna drop by to say hi and suddenly it’s raining too hard on the way but anyway happy birthday can you let me in first i’m cold”

ofc you let jae in i mean we can’t let the chicken catch the flu amirite

but you warn him that he’ll have to leave before 11 or your RA will kick you both out the dorm lol

after a towel, two cups of hot tea, and one shared piece of chocolate cake, you told him you were supposed to have a small party tonight but no one could make it because of the rain and he’s like “hOW DARE YOU HAVING A PARTY BUT NOT INVITING ME I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL” and you’re just like “lol shut up chicken here eat more cake”

anyways you two spend time joking and talking about random stuff and it’s probably not the best birthday ever but at least you don’t have to spend it alone and to be honest you’re happy that he’s here

then jae pulls out his ultimate weapon

i mean his guitar

he was soaking wet but the guitar is clean and dry and all fine like hoW EVEN

“priorities” -park jaehyung

he said he gonna play a song of your choice because he came empty handed and he feels bad about it

you blush and pick whatever song comes to your mind because you can’t really think of any, and he starts strumming his guitar and sings

and while he keeps looking at you, you find yourself too can’t take your eyes off him

the song ends and you’re about to clap your hands when he suddenly starts another one

wait you’ve never heard this song before

it’s a slow song and the lyrics are all like, the sky turns dark on the birthday of the brightest star so that it’ll be the only light in his world, how he feels regretful that he has nothing to give but his small heart, and he hopes that this lovely person will hold his hand as they listen to this song together, that this lovely person will feel warm beside him

guys just imagine the song okay i can’t Romance

it’s dead silent until you whisper, “is that… a song for me?”

jae’s face turns red and he starts panicking™ like “i made up the lyrics just now okay i know it’s fricking sappy and cheesy as hell okay i just uhhh want to cheer you up!!!! because you seem kinda down!!!!! let’s not talk about this again uGh WhatEvER leT Me LIvE!!!!!”

but you chuckle and thank him, it was the best present you can get from anyone

you two stare at each other for a second that feels like years and he finally breaks the silence, “you know,,, maybe i came here on purpose,,, maybe actually i want to see you,,,”

“and why is it?”

“because i think,,, i miss you,,, kinda”

and you don’t say this out loud but maybe you do know that

even if you say you’ll never

in fact you’ve already fallen for him a bit

or perhaps a lot

like a lot

then he leans in to kiss your lips and you kiss back and it’s almost not awkward at all, it just feels right as if you’ve kissed him million times before

a l m o s t

you two still blush real hard after

but yeah that’s how you two start dating

none of you two tell anyone about it but it’s pretty obvious, i mean jae always picks you up at your dorm, he walks with you to your class or vice versa (if your classes don’t overlap tho), you two keep stealing glances at each others, also—

jae with you: “hey,,,, come here sit with me u3u,,,,, did you have lunch??? oh i wrote a song last night check this out,,,, what are you gonna do this saturday? oml you’re so cute”

jae with everyone else: “HAHAHAHA FUCKING FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PRICK ALSO BRIAN FUCKING KANG IF YOU STEAL MY FUCKING FRIES AGAIN I WILL LITERALLY SNAP YOUR FUCKING NECK”

welp actually he’s not always sweet with you, sometimes you two still argue about silly things using mixed languages but now everyone in the club knows better to just run away once it begins

because it’ll end up with you two fighting or you two kissing

yes im nasty and a disappointment bye

btw wonpil is excited af it’s almost like he’s dating you both

“it’s really nice seeing you two finally together!!!!!!! especially because jaehyung really couldn’t shut up about you ever since the first day you joined our music club”

“wait wha-”

“YOU SNAKE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET FUCK OFF”

I’m so in love with park jaehyung y'all hsnshsbsh aNYWAYS!!! 100 blocks limit has lifted from tumblr app AYEEEEE

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 177: Construction Site Clash

Previously on BnHA: Deku confronted Gentle outside of a tea shop. Gentle sprang into action and revealed his quirk: elasticity. Basically he’s Monkey D. Luffy but instead of making himself stretchy and bouncy, he can do it to anything he touches, including the ground and even the damn air. Deku charged at him and promptly got flung waaaay back, but Gentle and La Brava realized how strong he is (and La Brava recognized him from his batshit insane fight against Todoroki in the sports festival where he broke all off his fingers just to prove a fucking point) and tried to run, not wanting to go toe to toe with him. Probably a good call, because after getting bounced into the air, Deku -- thinking about Eri and Jirou and everyone else who’s been looking forward to the cultural festival -- unleashed his new long-range Delaware Smash: Air Force attack. Then he grabbed Gentle by the collar and flung him into a fucking building. Damn, Deku.

Today on BnHA: Deku has a weird conversation with Gentle while the latter dangles from a construction beam. Gentle tries to reason with Deku and explain how his plan is somehow going to be a win-win situation for everyone. Deku calls bullshit and then lies and says the authorities are on their way, so Gentle cheerfully leaps back into action and starts using his quirk to springboard all over the place Gran Torino style so that Deku can’t get in a clean shot. He then tries to drop a giant steel beam onto a hapless old man, forcing Deku to jump in and save him. While he’s occupied, Gentle and La Brava take the opportunity to flee. We get an update on the time -- it’s now 8:45 a.m., t-minus 15 minutes to the start of the festival -- and then we cut back to Deku, who gets real mad and lifts the beam with only one fucking hand while aiming another air gun attack at Gentle with the other. La Brava is all “oh shit this kid doesn’t give up” and says that she’ll have to use her quirk.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 202 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

you guys. it’s February 3rd 2019 and I’ve just watched the worst, most mind-numbingly boring Superbowl in history. wtf was that. BnHA please help me wash the bad taste out of my mouth please and thank you

lmao oh my god

do you guys remember that scene from Avengers where Bruce Banner wakes up in an abandoned building and Harry Dean Stanton thoughtfully gives him some pants. for some reason this reminded me of that. “well then, son, you’ve got a condition”

now La Brava’s running over from a nearby roof and she’s all “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT POPS”

she says they’re just shooting a film, and she’s asking him to let the neighbors know as well

well this is the most transparent lie of all time

(ETA: or is it just transparent enough to work!)

and even she’s thinking that it’s probably not going to buy them much time and that their plans have basically been foiled and they have to retreat

and now we’re cutting to inside of the building

on the one hand, it’s a cool setting and conveniently empty so that no one will get hurt! but on the other hand, this looks like the perfect place for someone to land the wrong way on a rebar and get accidentally impaled. please no one get impaled. we had enough impalings in the last arc

Deku’s thinking grateful thoughts about Mei and flashing back to when she gave him the details about his new gloves

yeah I’m just going to post this, not even gonna try and sum it up

(ETA: might wanna think about using a different font in the future if you want to avoid any confusion when typing out the word “flick”, Jaimini)

she sure knows a lot about his OFA capabilities, huh? thankfully she’s the type who gets so caught up in whatever she’s currently focused on that she would never in a million years note the many, many similarities between Deku’s quirk and All Might’s

also, interestingly, Deku is thinking a “thank you” to Mina as well!

because he apparently incorporated her “special dance training” into his attack?? omg what. “dance-off, bro. you and me”

Gentle is such a wacky fellow he might actually do it too

oh my lord

see what I mean

also hush, Deku. it’s called “flair” okay?

now Gentle is grinning like a loon and saying that he’ll execute his plan no matter what. “this is my resolve”

your resolve is stupid, Gentle. there, I said it. I love you but you lost this one pal. stop trying to attack a bunch of teenagers who are just trying to have a fun and wholesome time at school

Deku’s yelling at him. “you’re no gentleman!”

wow, harsh Deku

now he’s asking what Gentle is planning

meanwhile La Brava is hopping the fence and entering the construction site, and this overly trusting man from earlier has been completely fooled

lol she should just make something up. “uh...” [okay, just be cool, La Brava. just pick something reasonable] “...Animal Planet.” [nailed it]

now she’s sprinting over to where Deku and Gentle are and getting ready to film again

lol

so Deku is telling him that the school is on high security alert and the alarms will sound even before he can get in and he’ll definitely be caught, and on top of that the festival will be called off

this motherfucker is genuinely trying to negotiate with him lmao

Deku’s all “THAT’S EVEN WORSE” and Gentle is all “lol yeah I guess” omg

and now he (Gentle) is all “well, so that’s my plan, now if you don’t mind I’d like to get back at it”

oh snap

well at least he’s a better liar than La Brava

uh oh, Gentle is activating his quirk again it looks like

he’s springboarding off the floor and shouting “BEGONE, STUDENT OF U.A.”

outstanding use of the word “begone”, Gentle my good man

anyway, so he’s bouncing around and Deku is watching and trying to predict his movements

and Gentle is getting ready to springboard again

that probably isn’t good for the building

-- oh for fuck’s...

so all that time training with Gran Torino was for nothing?

wtf, now what??

did he just get hit? what’s going on

Gentle is saying “if you can use an air bullet, allow me to counter with an air barrier”

wait, what? so is the idea to reflect Deku’s attack back on him?

oh wait. or did Deku just walk into an elastic patch of air and get bounced back? is that what it is?

La Brave is telling Gentle that they need to retreat, and yeah they really should

but instead, Gentle is removing a bolt from one of the beams

did he do that with his bare (well, gloved, but you know what I mean) hands?? just like that? either this construction is shoddy as hell, or else this is the single most unrealistic thing I’ve ever seen in this manga about kids with superpowers and bird heads and astronomical high school entrance exam budgets

anyway, now he’s bouncing on the beam and it’s vibrating

he says he can’t consciously deactivate his quirk

interesting. also potentially pretty dangerous and certainly inconvenient

but objects turn back to normal given a little time

and that’s what’s happening with this beam oh snap

well but I mean, as soon as you manhandled that screw loose -- did he use his quirk for that? is that why it was so easy? -- it was pretty clear what you intended to do

and by the way, dropping a steel beam onto a 16-year-old is pretty damn metal for someone who’s supposedly a gentleman villain

oh shit wait

damn, dropping it onto an unsuspecting old man who’s not even a fighter is even more metal

but thankfully Deku is Deku

nice, Deku

now he’s getting all outraged and “DID YOU JUST TRY TO DROP IT ON THAT INNOCENT OLD MAN”

oh, Gentle

c’mon, Gentle. c’mon. you tried to kill a dude. just admit it. that was not nice

(ETA: is La Brava still filming all this?? did the cops eventually get this footage? Gentle’s gonna be put away for attempted fucking murder. sorry dude)

now the old dude is finally running away, and meanwhile Gentle seemingly intends to just leave Deku here...?

ffff now he’s making the crane bendy??

and he’s telling Deku he’s sure someone will find him. lol what the hell is he going to do

Deku’s thinking to himself that they’re going to infiltrate the festival at this rate, and he has to act

omg yay we’re cutting back to 1-A!

lmaooooo Kaminari really didn’t end up sleeping a wink, huh. he was so hyped up

BAKUGOU, PUT ON YOUR T-SHIRT!! WE MADE IT JUST FOR THE OCCASION!!

I wish I could read what they say underneath the A? Toko’s shirt seems to start with “BN” (if they say bnha I s2g), but Momo’s shirt looks different. maybe an error though

(ETA: so as we eventually learn, they say “A Band”, and the delightful story behind this exceptionally creative name is the topic of today’s omake!)

the dancing team is also getting dressed, and they’ve got their own special costumes which are cute but I’m not gonna post the panel because Mineta is ruining it. how come no one ever drops a steel beam on him

Shouto is wearing one of the class A t-shirts, so I guess the staging team is rocking those too

anyway he’s asking where Deku went, and Aoyama says he went to buy rope

and now Shouto’s “is my boyfriend in danger” senses are tingling

this is a reasonable concern because as we all know, if you leave Deku alone for more than five minutes he will inevitably run into a villain. in hindsight they never should have let him leave

meanwhile Aoyama is already thinking about backup plans, oh damn

fully serious, if you combined Aoyama’s ingenuity with Mina’s they’d make a pretty unstoppable team. these kids are creative as fuck

ohhh, Gentle was just using the crane to launch himself and La Brava into the air towards U.A.

damn, dude doesn’t even care that Deku supposedly put out the alert. he says that if they make it in even with U.A. on the lookout for them, his name will become even more recognized

what are you trying to accomplish though, dude, in all seriousness? do you know what’s going to happen if U.A. suffers another break-in after all of the security measures they supposedly put in place, and after they insisted on holding the cultural festival despite police objections? they’ll be fucking shut down is what. this will be the third villain incident in less than six months. people are not going to be happy about that. best case, they’ll be allowed to stay open but with a ton of restrictions in place. basically you’ll make it harder than ever for them to do their job, when right now the world needs them more than ever. they’re raising the next generation of heroes here, and this is a post-All Might world. so maybe just cut them some slack, jesus christ

and now we’re cutting back to Deku, straining under the beam

come on Deku, you got this. powerlift this bitch

LOL OHHHHH SHIT

WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST PUT IT DOWN YOU NIMROD LMAO. “LOOK AT ME, I’M DEKU, ALL MIGHT’S SUCCESSOR! I CAN LIFT STEEL BEAMS WITH ONE HAND AND FIRE AIR CANNONS AT VILLAINS WITH THE OTHER”

oh damn. and it seems we’re finally going to get to see La Brava’s quirk! about fucking time. bring it

BONUS: what should we name the band?

“Electric Spark Kids”, Kaminari? really?? you really do just blurt out whatever the fuck pops into your head huh. (actually tbh this is my favorite name out of all of them)

Tokoyami has a fucking obsession with banquets. I really want to know how he ended up latching onto this out of all the “___ of darkness” things he could have possibly chosen. fwiw I did find out there is a song called Banquet in the Darkness which I haven’t actually listened to because the album art alone is frankly terrifying to me and I somewhat regret having looked this up

there is also a band called Ore, though I assume it’s intended to be the English definition of the word rather than Bakugou’s intended meaning. but it just goes to show you that it’s impossible to be original anymore no matter what you do

and then Momo is just... it’s a band... representing class A... band... A... band... A Band? and Jirou is just like OMG THAT’S THE GREATEST IDEA EVER despite the fact that it clearly is the most half-assed idea anyone has ever come up with. she just loves Momo that much. and is also desperate to stop the boys from coming up with any more suggestions lmao

by the way I just want to say that all of the kids are absolutely adorable in this sketch and it’s easily one of my favorite omakes for that reason alone. so stinking cute omg

[thehobbitse]

Fanfic: Obsessions (Jake Peralta X OFC)

Author’s note: Hi, this is like my first fic EVER, plus english is not my natural language, so if you see any misspellings please warn me (and be kind lol).

This story happens in the last episode of the season 2, here Amy never dumped Teddy and the ofc goes on the case in her place. Also Holt doesn’t leave the precinct.

Words: 3.466 more or less

Sinopse: A new detective arrived at the 99th precinct, Megan Moretti fought hard for this job. At first she doesn’t like Detective Peralta, so Holt puts her in a case with him to see if she get along.

Prologue

It's been two months since I became a detective of NYPD and transfered to the 99th precinct in Brooklyn. It wasn't my first option, but it turned out to be not that bad, I liked my coworkers and the cases were interesting. My boss Captain Raymond Holt was a really serious guy, but he always wanted our best and other detectives told me he really improved the work on the precinct. Gina Lanetti was Captain's Holt secretary, she usually did cruel coments about everyone and was really sarcastic, people's opinion about her would vary but everyone agreed that she was a inteligent, smart woman. Sargent Jeffords worked hard to garantee his baby girls a good life (and also because he is a good professional), he is really afectionate and helped me a lot when I first entered as a detective. My coleagues were kinda.... unic, Diaz is the tough girl, her friends know little about her personal life even though sometimes she ends up telling somethings, she is truly a great cop and you can count on her. Santiago is a perfectionist, sometimes is really hard to stand her method, but it benefits the precinct, also she always tries to support you. Boyle is a hard worker, his fondness can be taken as clumsyness sometimes, but he just likes people and can be astute when you're not expecting it. There is Hitchcock and Scully and.... I... I don't really know why do they still work there. Sargent Jeffords told me they are in the precinct since the 80's. And finally Jake Peralta, the childish, immature and annoying detective, Santiago told me he won a bet last year and got more arrests over the year than her, and she ended up in a date with him. I still don't know how she survived it and more: I don't know HOW he managed to arrest so many people. 

He was always joking and talking loud and.... well I couldn't understand why people, liked him. Boyle mentioned that he had a thing for Amy and I laughed my lungs out (which Boyle didn't like because he shipped it so hard). Amy was a smart, responsible woman who had a serious relationship with a cop from another precinct. And Jake was the guy who rarely talked serious (at least with me!) and eated gummies for lunch. 

Well let me tell you something, I entered the NYPD when I was still finishing college, I worked hard to be one of the most youngest detectives, I sacrificed friendships and dates for this. It was serious. So when I knew a 30something was playing around in his chair, throwing things on people and still got the most arrests in a year, it really got me annoyed. I worked hard to get here and Jake seemed to be blessed with some gift. I knew he was a good detective, it just seemed unfair. Anyway, I really liked my new job.

Chapter 1- How Long

 The day at the precinct started with Scully screaming because the vending machine needed to be replaced, it was funny to see that everyone was attached to it, I felt the urge to laugh, but as I was new and it seemed almost serious, so I thought better not to. That was until the the maintenance man droped the machine and it’s glass shattered. Obviously Jake had to scream “FREE CANDYYY” and everyone went for it. I decided to stay away and head to the meeting room. See, I don’t interact easily, it’s not that I don’t want to, I’ve never been good at it. When it all calmed down, they started to enter the room and sit and wait for Captain Holt, I watched as Peralta arrenged the presentation.

As soon as Holt has arrived, Jake introduced us to Michael Augustin, the ‘most prolific thief’, then he continued “My CI says tonight Augustine will hand off the laptop to a buyer from China, aka the "Land of Dragons” I rolled my eyes with the joke, Captain Raymond made sure he didn’t put that in his report and he replied with another joke “Okay, the country of dragons”. I was full of his childish manners in serious situations and said:

“Can we please go on with that?” I urged and sudenlly repented for doing so because the whole squad went quiet and looked at me. Gina said an almost inaudible ‘oooh’, Jake’s expression was like ‘wtf’. I tried my best to retrive it ”Uh... because I really need to...” it was when our Captain interrupted me.

“I want you and Moretti on his tail until he makes the drop and then arrest him and the buyer.” WHAT? I couldn’t believe he made me go on a ‘mission’ with Peralta... it seemed like he did it on purpose.

“Sounds good, although I could probaly just take Boyle, I know... Megan is busy and-“ I couldn’t contradict that (but I must admit it surprised me he didn’t want to go on this case with me) untill Captain Holt interrupted again:

“Peralta and Moretti will tail Augustin, Boyle and Diaz will join then in the surveillance van. Unless you have a problem with that.” And of course we didn’t have a problem with that. Nobody would dare to contradict the captain’s orders.

        Later in my desk, I was going through files to see if I could find anything that could help me in this case. I liked so much that my desk was right next to Rosa’s, no small talk, she is a great silent partner and I think she liked that too because I wouldn’t bother her. I was so accustomed to not having to talk and so into my work that I startled when Rosa addressed me:

“Hey. Are you okay with going after that guy tonight?” Well.. she was being nice. It was my first task this big since I arrived the precinct

“Oh yeah, I’m really excited, it will be nice to work with you and Boyle”

“Great.” And this was Rosa, straight to the point, but deep down she cared.

I was about to go back to my work when Gina called from her desk and told me captain Holt wanted to talk to me, I think she shouldn’t have done that because most people in the place gave me that look ‘girl, you’re screwed’. I took a deep breath and got up from my chair, with luck he would just want to know how I was doing with the work.

 Entering his office, I felt my anxiety rising and my palms sweating.

“It came to my knowledge that you do not get along with Detective Peralta, and for the best of the team I want you to work with him to settle this. That’s why I put you in this case with him” I wasn’t expecting for this, I knew Jake was like his prodigy or something like that, and it’s not that I hated him, it’s just that he annoys me with his stupid jokes.

“I didn’t know it was so apparent, sir. I’m sorry, I’ll try to see things from his side... it’s just that he is so childish and yet can be a great detective and I fought so much for this place..” as I explained mysef he raised his hand in a sign to let him talk.

“You know as a black man who is also gay, I fought a lot to be here” Ouch. Now thinking about what he’s been through my complainings seemed really little “When I first came in he did not want to wear ties, in the end he understood that it was na uniform. He grew a lot as a person and as a cop”.

“Yes, of course sir, I’m really embarrassed with this story. I’ll do my best.”

“You can go, and please tell Gina that I want to talk to her and Sargent Jeffords” It wasn’t that bad, if someone like Raymond Holt can like Jake perhaps I could like him too.

  At 6pm we were all in the car, around 6:20pm we stopped in front of a fancy restaurant, Augustin entered with his girlfriend. We saw him with the laptop and Jake suggested us to go inside undercover.

“Wait, we can’t go inside dressed like this” I said as I took of my jaquet and let my hair loose. I searched for a lip balm with a bit of color to apply, I stopped when I saw Rosa and Jake looking at me like I was weird “What? I always bring it so my lips won’t get dry”.

“Well me too, the Boyles have a condition that makes our lips go dry like the Sahara” said Charles while taking a lip moisturizer from his pocket.

 “UUGH” me, Rosa and Jake said in unison.

Thereafter, Jake put Scully’s blazer and it kinda looked cute, I mean funny.

As soon as we stteped into the restaurant, we saw Michael and his girlfriend, we asked for a table for two but the waitress said everything was booked out. It was when an Idea came to me. I said to mylself ‘Okay, we’re doing this’ and:

“Oh no, that’s horrible! Tonight is a really important night for us” Jake looked at me not knowing what to do, so I just grabed his arm and gave a squeeze and continued “Johnny and I just got engaged and this is where our first date was”. He appeared to understand and moved on.

“Yeah it would mean so much to Dora and me. I would have made a reservation but I didn’t know if she was gonna say yes” wow he was good!

“I Love how nervous you were you little goose” he was really good at it because it never crossed my mind that after that he would kiss my cheek.

I mean it was just a kiss in the cheek, but it’s been so long since I ever did something like that I felt goosebumps in my skin. It was silly and I was startlet. I really hoped that he didn’t notice my clumsiness. The woman in the balcony fell for it and said she would find us a table.

She told us to wait in a corner, Jake put his hand around my waist and I felt that my heart skipped a bit .While we waited, the atmosphere got heavyer, I tried to look to the other side to see if I could find Michael and his girl. Turned out we found them. Because our table was right next to their’s. I was praying to the gods that they would not pull conversation but it did not happen.

“You’re the couple that just got engaged!” Augustin’s girlfriend said cheerfully. They bought us champagne and kept asking us stuff like where did we met, what was the ring etc. We made it alive until Augustin said he wanted to say ‘hi’ to the chef. Jake thought he was going to make the drop but it turned out he just really wanted to say ‘’hi’. We had to think fast before Michael saw us there.

That’s when Jake holded my face and kissed me.

My head was like ‘BIIITCH WHAT THE FUUUCK???’ a rush of feelings passed throught my brain. Okay it was a simple Kiss. No tongue involved. And it worked because Augustin passed us by laughing.

 I separated quickly and said “Are you crazy?”

“Sorry, but it worked out fine” my face softened, ‘ok it was just work after all’.

“Right. Let’s get back to the case” I said and moved to the exit in a hurry.

In the car, Jake told Rosa and Charles what happened (except the Kiss part because Boyle would never let it go) and everything went silent until the car we were following stopped in an empty and poorly lit street. We saw Augustin get out of the car and drop the package.

“You and Rosa follow Augustine” said Jake to Charles “We’re gonna stay with the package”.

 And so they did, we kept waiting for the buyer’s arrival under a tree where it was dark so no one could see us.

“Why do you hate me?” asked Jake out of sudden. If I had something in my mouth I would have spilled it out. I hated this kind of situations because I suck at pulling feelings out.

 “I don’t hate you”

“Then why you don’t ever laugh at my jokes and always avoids me? You seemed very uncomfortable when Holt put you is this case” Okay, why did he cared about that?

 “Alright... at first I thought that you were really childish and annoying and I didn’t think it was fair for you to be such a great detective, but... you’re a good person. I’m sorry” I tried my best to explain myself. In fact when I said it out loud I realised that there was no reason for me to be so bothered with him. He always treated me nice and did his job.

“Ha, you said I’m a great detective” he uttered with a smile, I knew he wasn’t upset with me after that. In fact, when did his smile get so cute? “Hey, there is the buyer....he is looking at us”.

Again I remembered when Black Widow said that people feel uncomfortable with public displays of affection and kissed Jake. I must admit that I was starting to enjoy it. Shit, what was I thinking? It must have been the thrill of the entire context. Anyway, my move worked out because the guy grabbed the package and started to walk away. I saw that and soon reached for my gun and yelled “NYPD, FREEZE”

Jake completed me and said “You’re under arrest! This is a work event!”

 Shit. The reason why I disliked Peralta before may have been because I have a slight crush on him. I realised that as we got into the precinct and I watched his face as we arrested the buyer, I paid attention to his hands (I have a hand kink okay?) and his mouth and though about what they could do, I imagined what would he look like in the nude. Oh crap, I shouldn’t be thinking about this. I didn’t have this type of feelings in a long time because I choose to abandon social life to focus on my career. And  because my romantic relationships were all doomed to ruin. My subconscious probably opted for closing up, and it worked for a while.

Around 9:30pm I was at the living room when Jake showed up for me to sign the report. As I did he tried to break the ice with some awkward jokes.

“It’s okay, we’re professionals” I said to calm him down. I’m pretty sure he would have prefered to go on this case with Amy. Actually she entered the room in that moment and I swear I saw Jake’s eyes light up, his face softened and I knew he still liked her, I don’t know why I felt a bit of disappointment.

“Guys can you come here, I have something I need to tell everybody” she was super excited and I wondered what it was. We headed outside the living room, everyone was there except Rosa, I saw Charles in the other side of the room and I went to talk to him.

“Hey, where is Rosa?” I poked him in the arm.

“She is celebrating her bday with Marcus” he told me cheerfuly, I supposed Marcus was her boyfriend. I couldn’t ask because Amy went to talk.

“I have an annoucement to make... after dating for seven months, Teddy proposed” she made a pause even thought we all knew she said Yes, nobody would announce a broke up to everyone “I said Yes!”

The hole precinct celebrated, the good thing about being and introvert is that you can see things that other people don’t, while everyone was congratulating Amy, I saw Jake’s face from the other side of the circle of people around the bride. He certainly was caugh by surprise, he looked like he was still processing the information. I remember liking someone and not being corresponded (high school was hard). He noticed I was looking and I gave him a conforting smile, wich he replied.

Then I went to Amy to congrats her, Jake was the last one, but I shall say that he was a good liar, he smiled like he wasn’t hurt and even made jokes about it.

“We’ll go to the bar to celebrate, drinks on us” told Amy, everyone was so happy for them two.

  At the bar I felt bad. Bad because I usually didn’t go out, I didn’t drink and didn’t know how to Interact with sober people, but drunk people was a hole new level. I was sitting in some table away from the party, my glass half empty with the same drink from hours ago when Jake came to where I was. I made a nodd inviting him to sit and so he did. Really close to me.

“Why aren’t you there?” I could tell he was drunk. Really drunk, his voice was inebriated when he spoke

“I don’t know” I responded, he put his glass down onto the table and lowered himself towards it. I didn’t know what to do, so I just put my hand reluctantly on his back and we stayed like that for a moment.

“Everything is going to change now” He affirmed after an instant of silence. Poor man.

“C’mon, I’ll take you home, you let me drive your car?” I asked and he nodded, I had the feeling that in his state he would’ve said yes to anything I asked. I had a driver licence, but choose to use the bus or the subway instead of owning a car.

We made an excuse, although people started to leave anyway because it was late, I asked Boyle where Jake’s apartment was since it’s resident was too drunk and I didn’t want to take the risk. The ride was too quiet and I noticed Jake sleeping in the passanger’s seat. ‘Poor baby’ I though, after years of shutting down to crushes and dates I couldn’t deny it anymore, it hurt to want something I couldn’t have. But I was sure his situation was worst than mine.

I stopped in the parking lot of his building and pushed his arms to woke him up. Turned out he woke up kinda scared untill he realised where he was. I asked the number of his ap and escorted him there.

I was leaving when he called my name

“Megan, stay” I froze as he spoke this words and turned back to him. He looked me in the eyes and I didn’t know what to do. The last thing I knew it’s that he crushed his lips on mine, and this kiss wasn’t like the others, it was intense, it was needy, and it was good, his tongue played with mine. It was my first kiss in ages, I could taste the alcohol in his mouth and it was the only time I liked it. He turned me around so my back was against the door of his ap, his hands on my waist pushing me closer to his body. I felt my stomach twirl and my hole body heat.

We heard steps comming and we separeted our mouths, I instantly felt the loss of it, he searched for the keys in his pockets and opened the door, pulling me inside and then closing it quickly. I droped my bag on the floor. Soon his mouth was on mine again, my arms reached up, my left hand tugged on his hair, he started to trail kisses down to my neck stoping to suck on it, I moaned as the sensations long forgotten rushed through my body again.

His right hand pushed my hair, to give him better access to my collarbone as he made a trace of kisses across my sensitive skin. I could feel my center growing hot and wet, my hips rubbed against his and his now increasing erection. His other hand went down to clutch my butt.

I couldn’t believe what was happening, in fact I started to think about it. We were coworkers, he was drunk and in love with someone else. I didn't want to be just a body for him to outlet his frustration. Not that I needed his true love, but after several delusions, I preferred to avoid this situations. I shoved my hands against his chest

“Jake, stop” he looked deeply into my eyes and I saw his confusion in the street light coming in through the window “I...we can’t” I separeted our bodies, grabbed my bag and left his apartment as fast as I could.

 Author’s note: So I want to make a sequel, but it may depend on the feedback of this one shot. Thank you xx

[swag-galore]

Okay, I need to go on a rant.

There’s a big difference between the culture on Tumblr and Facebook and I made an attempt to kind of bridge the gap and share some of the more enlightened social stuff that I find so widely supported over here on Tumblr. 

Apparently on Facebook, you are only allowed to share minion memes and increadibly offensive political shit (which no one bats an eye at, by the way). But the minute you share something suggesting better ways to be socially conscious and kind, everyone is like, “OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY, YOU NEED TO PRAY, YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR SPONSOR GAAAAAAAA.”

I shared a little blurb I found on here which simply stated that “the people you think are rays of sunshine can get angry/sad too and will sometimes express that and wish to be taken seriousely.” Like, seems totally reasonable, RIGHT? 

Apparently not. My sponsor commented, “Wow...need to call your sponsor?”

Like, First off, why the “wow”? How was my post sarcastic-wow-worthy!? It wasn’t aggressive or anything! Second, not everything someone posts on social media is directly referring to themselves. THAT is one big difference between Facebook and Tumblr culture. You put something on Facebook and everybody thinks it is directly referring to you or something you are going through, whereas, on Tumblr, we post a lot of things that refer to others and the way you should treat them, BECAUSE WE CARE ABOUT OTHERS OVER HERE and we care about being better to others and helping and learning how to be more conscious!

This isn’t to say that I don’t ever see some really dumb shit on Tumblr. I do. There are nuts everywhere. These are just some broad differences I notice between the two sites. One of the factors which I think definitely contributes to the difference is the age difference. Facebook is now occupied by baby boomers and gen X-ers and Tumblr is occupied more by generations Y and Z. Now, I know this doesn’t go for everyone, and that’s a disclaimer I’ll always make because sweeping generalizations are dangerous, but I do think the younger generations are more socially conscious, accepting of diversity, and open about emotional issues. 

Another thing that pissed me off about this situation is the AA culture involved. 

Apparently, when you are in AA, you are never allowed to have or express any negative feelings, or feelings that aren’t total acceptance of one’s surroundings and situation. So, from an AA standpoint, the post I made probably did seem aggressive. 

I have been in AA for close to six years now, so I’m not a wily, rebellious noob. In the past six years I’ve observed LOTS of problems with the AA culture and mindset and although I keep attending, I remember to remain critical and objective of everything I’m told. I take what works and leave the rest. Now, that might now work for everybody. Some alcoholics/addicts do need more strict discipline. It takes some time to feel that out. But I know myself and as they say, “to thine own self be true”. I’m easily influenced, so for me personally, it’s important to stay critical and objective and recognize when a particular thing isn’t right for me. 

But enough explaining myself. I was also pissed because I DID call my sponsor the day I made that post and she didn’t answer or call me back. WTF. Don’t call me out for not calling you when I did and you didn’t answer or call me back. PLUS, I’m not even having a crisis! I was just posting a thing that I feel is a general PSA!

There’s this idea in AA that we need to be taking constant inventory of every single thing we do or say and yeah, I get that, it’s the Tenth Step. But apparently, other people are also allowed to take your inventory and no, that doesn’t work for me. I’ve been in that position with narcissistic, abusive boyfriends and friends. I am not a child and I refuse to be treated like I am not capable of making any decent decisions, especially ones as small as what to post on my facebook page. I do not believe AA needs to be a part of every single move I make or breath I take. I just want to be a goddamn person in the world, not a  person who is constantly checking the rules to make sure I don’t break any or do anything dissobedient. That is too high-maintenance of a life and I am already hyper-vigilant. What I need is to learn to just relax, “wear life like a loose garment,” as they say in the Big Book. Well how do you wear life like a loose garment when you are hyper-vigilant?

Anyhow, before this, I never posted on Facebook except ferret pictures, because I knew the difference in culture and I knew the kind of posts I wanted to make would be criticized and I really don’t want to argue with my baby boomer/gen X relatives all day every day about why you should like, care about others and try to be kind. This was a first meager attempt at possibly trying to take some of my Tumblr-y, socially conscious shit over there, and I haven’t decided if I want to charge onward or just retreat into silence again. Tbh the only reason I have Facebook is because my LARP group primarily uses Messenger. 

Anyway, end rant. Thanks for reading. I needed to just kinda scream this into the void because I don’t expect anybody to really know what to say to this XD

[mcrmadness]

Saw again some weird dreams...

So just like the header says, some more weird-ass dreams coming from here :D The first part was mainly about Die Ärzte and then it turned into some sort of scifi-fantasy movie where I was the protagonist/antagonist/antihero and I was running away from bad or good guys and hiding in closets that had lots of bedsheets and stuff in them. So, here we go:

1. I think it started with me being just at home, browsing all my Die Ärzte files on my computer. I’ve collected quite a big “archive” of photos and videos and stuff over the years. In this dream I apparently was browsing my folder for Bela photos but for I also had there a subfolder that was named as “well done”, might have been in Finnish, not sure. Anyway, there was apparently some of my favorite Bela photos and actually every photo in that folder was created by my subconscious last night. For some reason, in that folder was also many REALLY GOOD Bela/Farin videos that’s existence I had forgotten (well because those also were created by my subconscious, they don’t exist in real life). This kind of dream if actually nothing new to me: I often see dreams of videos that don’t exist and I’m always watching them as videos so that I try and sometimes even can replay them. And it’s always as annoying to wake up from them :D

So in this dream was some Bela-interview from... not exactly sure if it was 2007 or what. But he had short hair, either black or dark brown. And this was like some sort of a festival area and behind him was a normal... fence, I don’t even know how to call that in Finnish :D Anyway, and behind that fence there was people, it was like a crowd in front of a stage, idk. And he was giving some interview when then suddenly someone ran from the crowd to him but was still behind the fence - and that was Farin, wearing sunglasses (I think it was early Spring) and he had a camera with him and he was really smiley and apparently on a good mood. Here they had some conversation of their own, I think it was about a jacket. I feel as if Farin was asking Bela to hand him his (Farin’s) jacket (this might have even been in German lol I’m slowly getting there with my language skills XD) that was on this side of the fence. But they also hadn’t seen each other in ages, I think. I feel like there was lots of happening but I no longer can remember that all, but lots of nice, small things I always look for when I see interviews about them. I think Farin went back to the crowd eventually. And when the interview ended, Bela was also going to the other side of the fence and on the left side there was a huge gate and he went there and Farin also walked there and then they hugged tightly because they hadn’t seen each other in a while.

Then I think I tried to rewatch this interview but it was something else and I noticed it only after watching it a while. This time Bela definitely had the 2007′s hair. And this video was basically filmed “by Bela” even tho it was also quite far away from them, in some sort of interview studio and it had nothing to do with the “first” video I just saw. From this one I mostly remember them AGAIN talking about a jacket. Farin wanted to borrow Bela’s jacket - which turned out to be bright purple leather jacket wtf :D Looked like what you can maybe buy from girls’ sections from these cheap clothing stores. And Farin wanted to wear/try on that jacket even tho Bela told him that that he doesn’t think the jacket is even big enough for Farin. This was again quite confusing. And it ended in Farin wearing a wig - long and black wig, and he was basically doing the same what Bela did in their “Serienklassiker” videos when he was playing the part of Lassie. I think Bela was sitting on a sofa, it was still an INTERVIEW IN A STUDIO and Farin was wearing black wig, sitting on the floor and rubbing himself against Bela’s knees like a cat as a joke and I heard someone saying in English “I think Farin wants to be Bela’s pet.” And THANK GODS this is where the dream ended!!!

Or. Almost. Next thing I see is me again being me but now it was like the setting for their video Bettmagnet, but instead of watching a video, I was in this room WITH them. The arrange was exactly the same except that now I was also sitting on this bed but just on the right edge. And There was two tv’s hanged on the walls, one right in front of us and one on the wall on Farin’s side. And I was watching DÄ interviews or videos with them. I don’t even know what we were watching but I remember this white text on a purple background (same color as the too-small-jacket from the previous part :DDD) and Farin wasn’t feeling so good about that and I don’t know what language he used but he said something like how it’s quite embarrassing to watch this now as someone is seeing it too, as it was always meant just as a joke and not that they would actually once watch it and see other people watching it too. (Yeah same everytime I need to watch something about or made by me while others watch.)

I have no idea what it was that we were about to watch but then there was an advertisement to something that looked like a handheld game console made into a shape of Batman logo and Bela had designed. I don’t know why but it made me laugh so much and then Farin either turned into my mom or asked me as Farin: “Are you laughing or crying?” And I just told him I’m laughing. And my mom was included because I actually once ad my mom to come ask me if I’m laughing or crying when I was alone in my room laughing, as sometimes my laugh does sound very, very stupid :D And I could hear my laugh so well in this dream, I wonder if I was actually laughing asleep...

2. Then I think this was a cool switch to another dream. I kinda dived into this “movie”.  Because this “movie” had a Batman logo, it was DC themed and then there was the name “Malcolm Merlyn” which I know mostly from the tv series “Arrow” but he’s also included in the LEGO DC Villains video game (yes I love LEGO video games :D). It was some kind of huge place with narrow hallways and lots of doors, bit like in a spaceship style but it was still on the ground on Earth and not a spaceship. I saw him lockpicking his way to somewhere but that’s all, I didn’t see him again and also only saw his back. I went to another hallway and I also tried to lockpick some door open but I was caught. Some woman came there to talk to me, saying things like “Did you really think you could get away like this? You shouldn’t have done *something* to your shoelaces as they gave you away now.” and I was just standing there, not moving or saying anything as I was not sure if she was able to see me or not. Somehow I felt like everyone in this place was bluffing me and talking to me as if they saw me but that they did not, and therefore they only talked to me instead of attacking right away. And if I attacked them, I’d give away my place. But I was not sure if it was like that or if they were just typical villains keeping a monologue before they act cos they think they have already won. ANd then they always fail.

Anyway, I think I then acted really fast. I don’t know what I did, maybe I attacked her or something but I sure as hell started running. This hallway  was like... there was huge pillars to it was like a “ladder” shaped bluprint. So I was running and hiding non-stop and these women kept coming and going, trying to capture me, and at some point I think I had the “belt” part of a bathrobe and I did something with it to get one of the women out of the picture.

While I was running, I heard a woman’s voice from the speakers as an alarm went off and she said how I was on the loose and information about me, I only remember her saying my real-life name and then that I speak Italian - which is not true. I don’t speak Italian :D I might want to learn it tho, because having relatives in Italy.

Then it kinda changed and now I was in a place that looked like a hospital of some sort. I was still running away and tried to hide into these closets but all of them just had shelves with besheets and pillows and stuff like this and I could no fit into the closets. I still hid in one of them but they saw me going there, and again it happened: this woman was standing at the door staring at me and talking how she sees me, but doing absolutely nothing about it and I still said nothing but just kept sitting there and didn’t move so they don’t actually see me. And when they least expected it, I acted and could escape them again. And then I run to another thing like this and could hide in the last closet, somehow could fit myself on the lowest shelf on all these pillows. But a little girl came to the door and said that she found me, but I said her if she doesn’t give me away, I’ll give her candy - which btw was the only time I ever spoke in this part of the dream. So she just stared at me for a while and then said “Deal.” gave me the pillow that had dropped from the closet and closed the door and shouted the women “There’s nothing!” and went with them. And this is where the dream ended.

I have no idea what this action movie dream really was :D It was also so weird because I don’t know if I was the hero or the villain even, or maybe an antihero. I did watch both Hellboy movies with my dad and sister couple of days ago but this dream had pretty much nothing to do with those movies. It also makes me think of a movie that I have never even seen yet and know nothing about, so I don’t know...

On the other hand, my head seems to hurt migraine-like every time I cough so migraine can also create some of the weirdest dreams.

[johnnymundano]

Watch Me When I Kill (1977) AKA Il gatto dagli occhi di Giada, The Cat's Victims (U.K.), Terror in the Lagoon (France) and The Vote of Death (Germany)

Directed by Antonio Bido

Screenplay by Antonio Bido

Music by Trans Europa Express

Country: Italy

Running Time: 110 minutes

CAST

Corrado Pani as Lukas

Paola Tedesco as Mara

Franco Citti as Pasquale Ferrante

Fernando Cerulli as Giovanni Bozzi

Giuseppe Addobbati as Judge

Gianfranco Bullo as Santoro, the pharmacist's assistant

Jill Pratt as Signora Dezzan (as Yill Pratt)

Bianca Toccafondi as Esmeralda Messori

Inna Alexeievna as Old woman

Paolo Malco as Carlo

Cristina Pirasas as Pasquale Ferrante's wife

Roberto Antonelli as Michele

Gaetano Rampin as Dott. Peretti

Giuseppe Pennese as Marco

Giovanni Vannini as Biagio Dezzan, the pharmacist (as Giovanni Vanini)

Watch Me When I Kill may be an unsavoury invitation in normal circumstances, but here it’s one well worth taking up, since it is also a particularly satisfying 1977 giallo. It’s a giallo from early in the cycle so it also works as a movie normal people might also like; there is still enough room amongst the stylistic tics for Antonio Bido to smuggle in what is basically a proper thriller movie.  Very much like Short Night of the Glass Dolls (1971) and The Perfume of the Lady in Black (1974), Watch Me When I Kill exceeds genre expectations; largely because  the genre trappings are a lure rather than being the whole point (which is what happens to later giallo; not a criticism, just an observation).

Returning from a trip abroad, bra-disdaining tango dancer Mara (Paola Tedesco) tries to pick up some pills from a pharmacist (Giovanni Vannini). Unfortunately the pharmacist has had his worried beard rubbing interrupted by being slashed to death, and it is the killer who turns Mara away claiming the shop is shut. Fearing she can identify him/her the killer then stalks Mara, leading Mara to seek the aid of affable old flame Lukas (Corrado Pani). Lukas is a sound engineer, or a detective or some combination of the two, or maybe even just someone with no job but very interesting hobbies; it’s not very clear. What is clear is that his investigations into weird phone calls received by his neighbour, Bozzi (Fernando Cerulli), may dovetail nicely with identifying Mara’s stalker. Meanwhile, a couple of creepy producer guys vie to bed Mara under the guise of attaching her to their project. Which I thought was, you know, because…the ‘70s be creepy, but then I realised it’s more because…producer guys be creepy. Kind of #METOO: 1970s edition. Winningly, Mara doesn’t put up with their shit, so she’s mostly bothered about who is trying to off her. Particularly when it becomes apparent that other people are being offed and there is a vengeful escaped convict on the loose. Mystery, murder, red herrings, historical wrongs, black gloves, switchblades, POV with an asthmatic soundtrack, romance, ridiculous coincidences, stylish shots, peppy soundtrack noodlings from Trans Europa Express, sweet fashion stylings, an impressive waterfall and, naturally, tango dancing; Watch Me When I Kill serves up a stew as giallo-tastic as the literal stew which scalds a luckless victim to death.

Just a word to potential viewers: While Mara was performing her, uh, entertaining tango act she seemed to be singing about how awful WW1 was, how big Rudolph Valentino’s ear were and something about Mata Hari being hit in the chest. Maybe that is what tango is usually about, I don’t know; it’s more familiar as a fizzy soft drink where I come from. Why yes, I am a cultureless slob. That was the most egregious example but I think it has to be (reluctantly) said that the subtitles were a bit lacking on the version I watched. The subtitler’s Italian was obviously immaculate but there was a stilted air to the English output. Which is a bit pissy , I realise, since I can barely handle my own language, but there you go. Whenever possible I watch foreign movies with the subtitles on as I like to hear the original vocal inflections, not the forced approximations of dubbing. (No offence to dubbers; it’s a tough gig.) I just don’t get people who react to subtitles like someone has threatened to push their grandma over. Have you seen them in reviews? “Switched off. Had SUBTITLES. WTF?!?” Yeah, you just ignore most of the world’s cinematic output because…reading? Is reading that big an ask these days? Wait until they discover books, they’ll shit. “Threw it away. Had WORDS! WTF?!?” But I digress, again. Where was I …big ears…tango…subtitles…okay…clues! That’s where I’m going, clues!

Yes, Watch Me When I kill actually has clues. This doesn’t sound much, but if you watch enough giallo actually finding one where there are real clues is delightfully refreshing. Giallo veterans quickly become inured to bullshit clues like the cry of a bird in the background of a phone call which, when run through a computer containing all the sounds in the history of the world, reveals the call’s source. I’m not complaining, the ridiculous clues are part of the genre fun, but equally when you find a giallo where you are not laughing out loud at the clues, but rather cursing yourself for missing them, well, it’s like a cool breeze on a hot face, possibly a face hot from being scalded by a yummy stew. The mystery actually stacks up too. I don’t condone the actions of the killer in Watch Me When I kill, but I understand the actions of the killer in Watch Me When I Kill. Usually it’s just that they are nuts. This one is nuts too, but for once you can kind of see why.

And it’s not just clues; trampling the giallo stereotype underfoot, Watch Me When I Kill has some time for characterisation. Corrado Pani as Lukas is particularly fun, looking like a jolly Charles Bronson but acting like a shambly Elliot Gould. It’s a good combination, even better when Paola Tedesco’s Mara is around. There’s a lovely light romantic-comedy/buddy-movie vibe when the two are onscreen. They are lovers but also, clearly, friends and have a charmingly blasé approach to their relationship, which they wear like a much loved, tatty jumper. It would be the equal of Hemmings and Nicolodi in Deep Red (1975), but there isn’t enough of it, alas. Unfortunately it’s the ‘70s so Lukas has to go it alone and do the manly thing of investigating, while Mara stays at home to be threatened occasionally. She’s not as bad as most ‘70s heroines though; she does figure things out, is up for a scrap and I would definitely go and watch her Celebration of WW1 & Rudolph Valentino’s Big Ears Tango show, as I’m sure, would you given half a chance. By the end though, Watch Me When I Kill becomes consumed by its mystery at the cost of its characters. They basically stand and watch the ending with us. Someone who should get out more would probably concoct some bobbins about the viewer being subsumed into the characters, blah blah etc. Normal viewers will feel a bit taken aback by the abruptness of the ending. Mind you, I’m not asking for it to end with a freeze frame of Lukas and Mara high-fiving or anything.

I’ve probably risked making it sound a bit trad, but be assured Watch Me When I Kill is very much a giallo, so there are a lot of “Say what now?!?” moments, as is only proper. Most strikingly, whenever the killer strikes we see a flash of a cat’s eyes, which I still don’t get. I liked it, but I didn’t understand it. Which is why I like giallo, I guess. It’s certainly part of why I like Watch Me When I Kill.

[llamas--and--tea]

Question Time

I was tagged by @gameofsassbutts. Blame her.

Rules: Answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions

1. coke or pepsi? I don’t have a preference, but fun fact: when I was a child, I called them mamsi-coke and papsi-coke (as in mom and dad) for no particular reason.

2. disney or dreamworks? I like Dreamworks’ intro more than Disney’s, so yeah.

3. coffee or tea? I’ve tasted coffee twice and hated it both times. I’m a devoted fan of Earl Grey tea.

4. books or movies? Usually books, but sometimes movies capture a scene much better than a book could.

5. windows or mac? Windows: the only experience I’ve had with Mac was with a horrible, horrible PC.

6. dc or marvel? Marvel: I haven’t seen much of DC...

7. xbox or playstation? I don’t play video games that much, but lemme quote @gameofsassbutts ‘s answer ‘cause it’s cool: “[robot woman voice] playstation”.

8. dragon age or mass effect? Again, I’m not a gamer. No idea what those are.

9. night owl or early riser? Night owl ftw.

10. cards or chess? Cards because I suck at chess. Plus card games are awesome.

11. chocolate or vanilla? I hate vanilla with a passion so I’d say chocolate, though I’m not a fan of it either.

12. vans or converse? Converse duh.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar? Trevelyan because they’re cool, but Cadash because the name sounds cool.

14. fluff or angst? Both. Both is good.

15. beach or forest? Forest because EXPLORATION FTW. Beaches are okay too.

16. dogs or cats? Cats are the rulers of this universe.

17. clear skies or rain? I prefer a sunny, clear sky with like a few clouds on a bright blue sky.

18. cooking or eating out? I prefer home-cooked food, just because it seems purer somehow. 

19. spicy food or mild food? I don’t really care but sometimes I’m eating something spicy and just *orgasm sounds*. (That sounded wrong.)

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas? I prefer Samhain because me and my friends have a great Halloween tradition.

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? Interestingly, even though I love warmth, I would choose being slightly too cold forever, just because being too hot would drive me nuts.

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be? I would love being able to go back in time. Do you even realize how much I would be able to do if I could control time? I mean like my own time.

23. animation or live action? I’d say animation, just because you can do anything when it’s an animation, whereas a live action *anything* is constrained by the physical world. And that’s not fun.

24. paragon or renegade? Is it a gaming thing? If it’s a book thing, hmu!

25. baths or showers? Showers: baths are gross if you’re not already clean.

26. team cap or team ironman? I’m quoting @gameofsassbutts here because her answer is precious: “irony tony”. Captain America is cool too though.

27. fantasy or sci-fi? *Markiplier’s “Space is cool” video starts playing* (Fantasy) ALL THE WAY!! But Sci-Fi is cool too because the worlds that are developed in Sci-Fi stuff are mind-boggingly COOL.

28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they?

"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” 

- 11th Doctor, Doctor Who, S5e10: VIncent and the Doctor (2010).

“We are Twenty One Pilots, and so are you!”

-Twenty One Pilots, parting words after concerts since ERS 2016.

“Thank God it’s Friday, ‘cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays, ‘cause Sundays are my suicide days.”

-Twenty One Pilots, Migraine.

"I’m holy. Get it? Holey.”

-Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, George Weasley’s joke after he looses his ear to his twin Fred.

I would put more but meh.

29. youtube or netflix? YouTube.

30. harry potter or percy jackson? Harry Potter.

31. when do you feel accomplished? When I see people around me being happy/impressed/grateful for my actions. Which sounds vain af wow.

32. star wars or star trek? Not really a fan of any of them, but I’d say Star Wars because I’ve at least seen a few of the movies.

33. paperback or hardback books? Again, quoting @gameofsassbutts : “paperback’s ok but with the hardback u really feel it”

34. horror or rom-com? I’ve acquired a taste for horror a year ago so let’s say horror.

35. tv shows or movies? TV shows because they have more opportunities to develop the plot. Also because Anime is technically TV shows...

36. favourite animal? Why do you do this to meeeeee. Llamas? *hides because picked favorites*

37. favourite genres of music? Omfsh do not make me say the whole list. Let’s stick to alternative m’kay?

38. least favourite book? I quite disliked The Fault in Our Stars for some reason.

39. favourite season? Of what? jk jk it’s summer FITE ME.

40. song that’s currently stuck in your head? "Sleep” by My Chemical Romance.

41. what kind of pyjama’s do you wear?  I don’t have PJs but I guess T-shirt and shorts counts?

42. how many existential crises do you have on an average day? Goddammit @gameofsassbutts : “Ongoing”. Too relatable.

43. if you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be? Funnily enough, “Sleep” by MCR.

44. favourite theme song to a TV show? Omfsh noooooo. I have too many. Do the TARDIS sounds at the beginning of Doctor Who count as a theme song? If not, then any of Shingeki no Kyojin (AKA Attack on Titan)’s openings they’re all wonderfully creepy and beautiful. But also Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood’s first and third openings. And also...

45. harry potter movies or books? Books because there are more details. THAT’S why you make books into TV shows instead of movie, people. DETAILS.

46. you can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. will you do it? ‘’It was all fun and games until this. Ugh…wellllll if I forgot tumblr exists my friends wont so they ll remind me… lmaoo then MY OTP (how to cheat on the system 101)’’ @sonyxqueenofthewholeuniverse

47. do you play an instrument and if so, what is it? Yes, I play the flute. Have been playing for 7 years now (holy shite, how fast time flies!).

48. what is the worst way to die? Repeatedly.

49. if you could be entirely invisible for a day, what would you do? Just for one day? I would follow my friends around without them knowing. Not for malicious purposes, just to find out how their lives really are, and not how I imagine them to be.

50. What are you planning on doing with your life? Oh god uhm. I’m debating over several careers right now. There’s writer (not sure whether my shitty writing will be good enough to make at least some career out of it...), CÉGÈP-level psychology teacher (because my two-times psych teacher Lisa amazed me), Speech-Language therapist for children (because I’m intimate with how it works), and/or ASL interpreter somewhere somehow (because I’m a slut for languages). Extra-career-wise, I’d like to keep writing and reading any time I have time.

51. Favorite Disney movie? Fuck I was going to say The Road to El Dorado but APPARENTLY it’s a Dreamworks movie so fuck yOU. I’ll say The Emperor’s New Groove then.

52. Do you believe in aliens? Of course. Wouldn’t it be very self-centered for us to believe that we are the only sentient things in the whole of the Universe? As a side-note, I could let my father write a list of his conspiracy theories about the existence of aliens and the impact they’ve had on our History. But I’m not going to. But I could! *threatens threateningly*)

53. Are u an unstoppable force or an immovable object? I would say an immovable object. Because I’m stubborn but also apathetic af.

54. (My addition:) If you were in front of a nondescript door that’s only property was to surprise you when you open it, would you open it? (remember, a “surprise” can be good or bad) Yes. Yes, I would. I’m a curious little shit and fuck the consequences.

Goshdarnit this took forEVER. I do not wish it on anyone. Also, wtf you think I have the will to tag 54 people??!! Nope. I’ve tagged 13 people. Suffer as I have been made to suffer. (Kiwi, you can do this after you finals.) Also go follow @gameofsassbutts . She was spiritually making me do this. And her answers were hilarious.

@markiplier ; @caffeinewitchcraft : @writing-prompt-s ; @witterprompts ; @lexystudies ; @danielhowell ; @facts-i-just-made-up ; @livebloggingmydescentintomadness ; @vesselblurryface ; @notchicken ; @oneanddun ; @unsettlingstories ; @thatsthat24

[shebeafancyflapjack]

TAB the Filler Ep

I was expecting at least one person to ask me; “What do you mean by filler?” on my last post about this but everyone seemed to agree, go figure. Regardless, here’s a list of things from TAB that we thought were foreshadowing or building a foundation for things to come in S4 and...apparently weren’t. At all. 

Such as:

The whole fucking point of the episode; why Sherlock had the gay Victorian fever dream. He visualizes how he would solve the crime of Ricoletti shooting herself and then seeming to come back from the dead so he can find out how Moriarty can still be alive after doing the same. The conclusion he comes to at the end is; “Of course he’s dead, he blew his own brains out, no one survives that.” Except...Ricoletti DID because she faked her death! That’s how he solved it the case! Many of us were confused about this when the episode aired but we theorized that Sherlock was just saying this to Mary to lower her defences as he’s worked out there’s a connection between her and Moriarty. But there wasn’t. Moriarty really is dead so solving Emilia Ricoletti’s suicide was pointless. And on that note...

The connections between Mary and Moriarty/hints of Mary being revealed as a villain. From Mary sharing Magnussen’s line about John “putting that on a t-shirt” to all the hints of her being ‘wicked’ and Moriarty’s line; “You’re dreaming.” cutting to Mary saying the same thing and, oh yeah, her appearing as the Abominable Bride AS THE TITLE APPEARS ON SCREEN and...y’know what, there’s too much to go into, and people have written much better metas on how Mary is Not A Good Person (also read M Theory) that I won’t go into more. But do we get any conclusion to this? Nope. Mary dies in the next episode and goes out a hero. The ‘consequences’ of how ‘wicked’ she was in the past isn’t even that, it’s just a misunderstanding, not anything she actually did wrong. Why not have Ajay be the son or husband or father of someone Mary killed? I’m not even fully opposed to her being redeemed, I just think it was handled so poorly and rushed. We never get to find out how wicked or bad she really was - she just comes off as a gun for hire who was on a rescue mission of all things! Even without having shot Sherlock, she is coded so clearly as a villain in TAB that it baffles me what they were thinking now. What was it about having her work for Mycroft when he wasn’t even aware of who she was (ha!)? Speaking of...

Mycroft’s ‘tick tock’ on his remaining life-span. What was this? Honestly? What was Sherlock predicting? He didn’t know about Eurus so he had no idea she might be coming after their older brother. Some people thought maybe this, again, tied into M Theory and how Moriarty’s return would mean the consequences of any deals Mycroft made with Jim might come back to haunt them. I guess this was kind of true with Mycroft letting Jim see Eurus...but again, that’s Eurus’ plan. And Sherlock had no idea about this. Eurus didn’t even seem that interested in hurting Mycroft in the end, her focus was on Sherlock. I’m not saying I would WANT Mycroft to die but it felt like we were being subtly told to emotionally prepare for it. 

“Paranoia?” “Ooh, sounds Serbian!” Still nothing more mentioned on Sherlock’s torture or seeing those scars, this is more of a personal nitpick but wtf.

It’s never twins. Apparently it really is never twins. I wouldn’t even be focusing on this so much if they hadn’t repeated it again in TST. 

Holmes and Hooper. Sherlock sees Molly for the strong, clever person she is and regrets having mistreated her in the past. How does S4 end? More abuse for Molly! And making her seem like the same lovesick girl we saw back in S1! They could have had Molly be as badass as her Victorian equivalent was in that scene but instead she needs Sherlock to say ‘i love you’ when it would have been so awesome to have her just say the words calmly and cooly and show that she’s letting go of those feelings and accepting it won’t happen. But we’re never shown a follow-up to what we get so it’s...what it is.

The Greenhouse scene. Why have this when John basically gives the same lecture in TLD? With Irene Adler mentioned as well? Neither scene gives us any answer for Sherlock’s romantic/sexual history so why repeat it? 

“We have an agreement, my brother and I, ever since that day.” What day? What caused that day? What made Sherlock first take drugs? What made him first try to overdose? Why is the ‘list’ never brought up in TLD when Sherlock is completely off his tits on god knows what?

Sherlock saying He knows exactly what Moriarty’s going to do next. No. No, he really didn’t. That was a big fat lie. In fact, Moriarty seemingly didn’t leave any plans for Sherlock after he died! He just made a few gifs for Sherlock’s crazy sister to use when she pleased. Why did she broadcast them at the exact time Sherlock was about to fly off to his death? Never explained! 

Sherlock throwing away the deerstalker. Why is this presented as a happy, triumphant moment when he gladly puts it on in TLD and John’s desire for him to wear it is constantly repeated via Mary. We were being lead to believe that the deerstalker represents this idea of Sherlock Holmes that doesn’t really exist (blame the illustrator!) and he just wants to be himself but TLD and TFP tells us; “Who you really are isn’t important, just wear the damn hat! Get back in your cage and dance, monkey!”. 

Mycroft passing the torch to John, aka “Look after him. Please.” Do I even need to go into detail on this one? Just roll the clip of John kicking Sherlock’s ribs in / showing no reaction to Sherlock holding a gun to his chin and it’s all that needs to be said. He even admits that seeing Sherlock in danger wasn’t enough to make him want to save him, he had to see Mary’s dvd first. Mycroft should think of holding onto that torch for a bit longer.

Victorian Holmes’ hopes for the future. “Perhaps such things could come to pass.” What things? Why is he looking at Watson so soft and wistful as he says that? Are iPhones and private jets just that amazing to him he wishes he lived in the future? What could living in the modern day resolve that the Victorian times forbade (*cough*)?

And my number one most hated loose end from TAB is...

Hero John, aka “It was my turn”. We are taken back to the Reichenbach Fall at the end of TAB and we see it play out the way it’s SUPPOSED TO BE. Not with Moriarty and Sherlock tumbling into the abyss, but with John turning up to rescue Sherlock and kick Moriarty’s short-arse off the cliff. John states how it was his turn to rescue Sherlock when he has had enough times being Sherlock’s damsel in distress. They face their ‘final problem’ together, as there is ‘always two of them’. When it was revealed that the third episode would be titled The Final Problem, I was sure that we were going to get a real life version of this moment. The Fall done again but with John saving the day. What a sweet summer child I was. Instead we got the exact opposite. Firstly there was no Moriarty but that wouldn’t have been two bad if we would have at least still had Sherlock and John facing down the final Big Bad together. But they didn’t! Once again, John is reduced to being Princess Zelda, thrown into a well and needing to be rescued while Sherlock defeats Eurus on his own. Fuck, we don’t even get to see Sherlock and John reuniting and having a moment of tender relief when he’s pulled out, we just cut to John being a damp burrito but otherwise fine and the focus is still on the sister we don’t care about. Not the main relationship that should have been the focus of the climax, romantic or not! In the end, the Final Problem wasn’t solved by it always being ‘always the two of them’ because John was rendered useless and Sherlock solved it all on his own. Apparently that fix-it to the canon Final Problem is one only reserved for Sherlock’s gay fever dreams. :(

TL;DR my rant here is basically that one can completely skip TAB and go straight from S3 to S4 without missing anything. Nothing happens in S4 that doesn’t make sense without watching TAB. Sherlock’s plane is already turned around by the end of HLV. There’s a small reference to him taking drugs at the MI5 scene but no mention of the fact he tried to OD BEFORE he got on the plane. That’s what classifies a filler episode; one that is overall unnecessary to the overarching plot of the show. 

Now, as I’m sure lots of different fandoms are aware, filler episodes don’t equal bad. In fact some are even considered favourites in some shows. TAB is still probably my favourite Sherlock episode, maybe just behind ASIP. But that’s why I’m ranting. Because a part of why I liked it so much was because it gave me so much hope for S4′s potential. Even what it adds to the development of the characters doesn’t fit into S4 because Sherlock’s apparent newfound lust for life and trusting John’s love is destroyed by the end of TST. 

So basically, when Moffat and Gatiss said that TAB was a one-off unrelated to the modern day storyline...they weren’t completely lying. :-/