#and also FUCK TOU FIRST TWO DAYS OF THE MONTH (the worst time for our store 😭)

[peaches2217]

I have been demeaned and belittled more by customers today than I ever have in my eight years of customer service, and considering I work a short shift today (and it’s only HALFWAY THROUGH), that’s saying something. Y’all know what that means:

Obscenely fluffy Mareach scenarios when I get home! Because if I’m gonna lose this much serotonin, I’m gonna turn right around and replenish it to survive another day!

[queerchoicesblog]

Another Way (BP, Aisha x MC)

So this is my first Bachelorette Party fanfic...and believe me, when I first saw the ads I would have never expected to write for this book but then Aisha Bhatt happened. And this is my way to give back for that, if you wish. This fanfic takes place a few time after the rooftop scene with Aisha where the two of them confessed their mutual crush.

In short, Aisha goes checking on Amanda (MC) who suddenly retreated to their room while Di and Court discuss how to deal with Skip at the hotel bar. She finds her on the balcony grieving her hurtful break-up. I know BP is a light-hearted book but that was harsh and I’m surprised MC doesn’t seem troubled at all by that!

Word Count: 11870

Perma Tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @bhavf  @melodyofgraves @abunchofbadchoices @silverhawkenzie @begging-for-kamilah @kennaxval @strangerofbraidwood @crazypeanat @desiree-0816 @universallypizzataco

Aisha x MC Tag: @embarrassingsmartphonegame ( @emeryharper ?)

____________________________

Already half an hour had passed since Amanda left the ground floor bar the Girl Scouts gathered to discuss how to deal with the latest turn of events: Skip was on his way to Las Vegas to put an end to "the embarrassing debauchery of this bachelorette party of yours", he said. They were brainstorming about how to stop this "unacceptable interference" (Court's words) when Mandy's phone started beeping. Courtney and Di were so passionately debating whether to confront him directly or moving immediately to make it harder for him to find them that they didn't notice, but Aisha saw it. As soon as she read the name of the caller she immediately rejected the call and dropped the phone, sending it falling on the table as if it turned into a burning rock in her hands.

The thud of its fall made Courtney and Diana turn towards her. "Please tell me it wasn't him!" Di said, her voice almost shaking with anxiety. "What? No, Di! He doesn't even have my number" Di gave a troubled look then nodded and went back listening to the absurd plan Courtney was sharing with all of them. Amanda tried to follow the conversation but she looked distant, a thousand miles away. After a few minutes, she excused herself, saying that she had a terrible headache and left the table. When it was clear she wasn't coming back any time soon, Aisha took her leave too and went checking on her. She went straight to their hotel room hoping to find her there: it sounded the most logical choice and Amanda was a logical person as far as she knew. But she wasn't in her room nor hiding in the bathroom and not even in the living room. Aisha was about to try elsewhere when she spotted her silhouette on the balcony, her hair gently swaying in the night's breeze. Amanda was leaning over the railing gazing off into the distance and barely noticed her approaching. "Hey are you okay? You got me worried..." Aisha asked, moving closer and standing beside her. "Oh don't be, I'm good" Amanda shrugged as if to minimize. "My headache is subsiding, I just needed some fresh air" "You've always been the worst liar, Mandy" Aisha gave her a smile that failed to hide her concern. Then she sighed and added, diverting her eyes from her: "The call earlier...it was Kyle, wasn't it?" Amanda stiffened and clenched her jaw, but no word came out of her mouth. She just winced so Aisha spoke again. "Mandy, I know we all said that we're happy you broke up with her but that doesn't change what happened nor makes it any easier to process for you. You're allowed to grieve: if I got it right, you two have been together for a while..." "Two years. Well, almost...it would have been two years in two months" Amanda confirmed, grimacing. "Two years are quite some time. I just want you to know that you can come to us if you wanna talk about it. If it helps you, that is." She turned towards her. "You can come to me and this won't change anything between us" Amanda turned and gave her a pained look. "For real? I don't want you to think that this is just a rebound-" "I know, Mandy...and I trust you" Aisha reassured her, giving her hand a quick squeeze. "I just want to be there for you" Amanda stared deeply into her dark eyes for a moment to assure she was saying the truth then slowly moved closer and rested her head over her long-time crush's shoulder. Aisha immediately wrapped her arm around her waist as if to sustain her, to anchor her when a wave of sorrow was threatening to hit the young lawyer. "I feel so stupid, Aisha. So stupid and naïve and...hurt" she sighed and shut her eyes. Reminiscing that day was so painful. She could still remember the carefree excitement she felt driving home: she even sang along with the radio, tapping the wheel in sync with the beat. She mentally praised herself for what a great spot she had found to hide the gorgeous lingerie she bought as a special gift for their anniversary: there were still a couple of months left but she decided to be more spontaneous -as Kyle suggested more than once - and surprise her girlfriend that night. Kyle wouldn't have been home for a while so she would have had plenty of time to set the mood for a romantic night. She wasn't done coming up with ideas and foretasting the look on Kyle's face when...it all crumbled to pieces. Not just their night but everything. So she shut down her feelings and packed her suitcase: direction Las Vegas. "If there's one thing romcoms teach you is: never get home earlier than expected to make a sweet surprise to your partner because..." Amanda paused, overwhelmed by the weight of what came next. "...because the surprise you find is never sweet. I should have watched more romcoms maybe" "What are you saying?" Aisha asked, hoping that she got it all wrong. Amanda laughed, but her laughter was bitter, hollow...it told of pain rather than actual humor. "You should watch more romcoms too apparently, huh? It just means that the day Courtney called I came home earlier than expected because I wanted to surprise Kyle...and it went all wrong. I was getting ready when she came home and", Amanda swallowed hard: here goes the toughest part of the story... "and she stormed into our bedroom lip-locked with a girl" "What?!" "That was just the beginning: a moment later, a guy in a banana suit joined them. My guess? For a threesome" "Mandy she cheated on you?? What the fuck!" Aisha exclaimed. She tried to keep her cool but she was furious inside: not only that Kyle was the grossest and most idiotic girl she had ever met to the point she couldn't help but wonder what a smart brilliant young woman like Amanda saw in her, but apparently she was also too blind to understand what a gem she had by her side. So stupid to take her for granted, to cover her with lies and betray her trust in the most hurtful way. Amanda didn't deserve any of this. Amanda, her beautiful beloved Amanda...she would have never hurt her or treated her like that if she was her girlfriend. But Aisha missed so many chances...and Kyle was there to take them. Unlike her, Kyle had the guts to approach her at a party, ask her out on a date and, a few months later, to be her girlfriend. Aisha grimaced as realization sunk in. "Yeah but that's...nothing out of ordinary" Amanda sighed, bringing her back to the hotel balcony. "Nothing out of ordinary?" Aisha furrowed her brows. "Define 'ordinary' then cause I'm afraid I'm losing you here!" "I mean...in the long run girls tend to leave or choose someone else over me. Some say it out loud and clear, while others...well others let me find out myself" Aisha released her and gently turned her so that she could face the lawyer. She gave her a long intense stare, pressing her lips together as she searched the right words to say. "Mandy, this is not how healthy relationships work...nor love" "It's how they work for me, I guess" Amanda shrugged, wincing. "Maybe I am the problem after all...I'm almost sure that it wasn't even the first time that-" "Mandy, snap out of it and erase that thought! You are NOT the problem" Aisha interrupted her. "True, it takes two to tango and I am probably biased here but it seems to me that girls like Kyle were just jerks to you. Plain and simple. But Mandy, you are one of the most amazing, brilliant and thoughtful people I know. You're funny, even when you crack terrible jokes, you always come up with interesting things to say or facts to share and you're so...inherently, genuinely good! I...well, I don't know you as a girlfriend but you used to leave all those cute notes for us back in college, you drew smiles with jam over pancakes when I was mopey or stressed, and you, you're so kind and gorgeous and...how can you be THE problem? How can THIS be the problem? You...what I mean to say..." Aisha took a deep breath in an attempt to summon up all her courage to say the words that were left unsaid for so long, too long. It's now or never: please, self, don't mess it up again! "Let me show you that there's another way. Let me prove them wrong, Mandy" "You're not saying that just because I'm moping and pity-partying...right?" Amanda shyly bit her own lip. "No, no sweetheart" Aisha laughed softly and tenderly stroke the lawyer's cheek. "I seriously want to ask you out on a date when we catch a breath from this case and this bachelorette party, if there’s still a wedding to celebrate" Aisha flashed her a weak smile. "I've wanted to ask you out on a date for so long but...I chickened out" she blushed, lowering her eyes. Then, feeling Amanda's gaze on her, she looked back at her, putting on a shy smile filled with sudden hope. "If we get the briefcase back and I get my money, I can even take you to one of those fancy restaurants where the menu is filled with unpronounceable French names!" "But you said you have so many debts!" "I know but I could make an exception for once...for you" Aisha's cheeks reddened again and Amanda found herself smiling, a tired yet affectionate smile...the first that day. Aisha was so irresistibly cute when she allowed herself to take off the cynic tough girl mask and to be just herself. The 28 years old woman who would still blush like a teen when she finally stopped hiding her feelings and started fantasizing about "the perfect date" with her. It was so...Aisha, so what made her fell for her kindest and insecure roomie who didn't seem to notice her awkward flirting attempts. "I'm no high maintenance, Aisha, you know me. We can go there if you're so adamant...but I don't need a fancy restaurant if you ask me out" Amanda moved closer and pressed a tender kiss on her lips. Then she snaked her arms around her waist, swiftly finding her place into Aisha's arms as if she had always belonged there. She rested her head over her shoulder, her hair tickling her crush's neck. "I would be okay even with sandwiches or frozen pizza. All I'd need to be happy is you" "I would never forgive myself if after all these years I'll get you frozen pizza on our first date" Aisha managed to joke, despite the lump of happiness forming in her throat. "Just know that I wouldn't mind it" Amanda chuckled. When her laughter faded away and that pang of pain stroke back, she held her anchor a little tighter and hid her face in the crook of Aisha's neck. "Can we stay like this for a bit more?" "Of course, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere" Aisha whispered, stroking her back.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 220: My Villain Academia

Previously on BnHA: Shouto and Kacchan took on a purse-snatching gang led by a dude who could manipulate and control carbonated water. Katsuki blew a bunch of them up (but, you know... gently), but then Soda Sam knocked over a metal pole that almost killed some stupid lady. Thankfully All Might knocked her out of the way and Katsuki deflected the pole with another explosion. Meanwhile Shouto one-hit KOed the Soda Sam guy to wrap things up. Afterwards the two were praised for their quick and professional action, and All Might proudly headpatted them and it made my fucking day. We then cut to the Brotherhood of Destro, where the Detnerat CEO’s thugs brought in a “guest” they had just apprehended -- none other than the League of Villains’ favorite broker, Giran, looking somewhat worse for wear. DetCEO politely asked him for info on the League, and Giran told him to go fuck himself. So it looks like DetCEO’s gonna try to get this info from him via some unpleasant means. We then flashed back to a month and a half prior and cut to some cliffside where Gigantomachia was decimating the League of Villains (sans Dabi) and complaining about how weak they all are. Seems like AFO’s underlings have some issues to work out amongst themselves.

Today on BnHA: The series continues its streak of excellent chapters with a flashback showing what the League of Villains has been up to for the past however long. We open with Tomura and the gang crashing the secret meeting of some racist anti-mutant cultists to rob and murder them (which, can’t really condemn that tbh). Unfortunately they don’t wind up with much to show for their efforts aside from a sense of satisfaction. The thing is, they’re broke, and currently holed up in some condemned trash house in the countryside while Tomura sits around waiting for the plot to come find him. Specifically he’s on the lookout for a “great power” that AFO supposedly left behind for him, and also trying to track down AFO’s personal doctor -- the guy who developed the Noumu. Anyway, he seems pretty content to sit and wait, but the other members of the League aren’t quite so patient, particularly Spinner who only joined them in the first place because he was inspired by Stain. Fortunately for everyone, the plot finally does choose this moment to barge in on them all in the form of everyone’s favorite Goron, Gigantomachia. He literally rips the house apart, and then demands that Tomura prove he’s worthy of succeeding All for One. Fast forward to where we left off last chapter, and as Giganto laments that the League is too weak, Tomura suddenly hears the doctor’s staticky voice coming from the dude’s radio.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 226, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

so we’re starting with Tomura, who’s doing this

and then this

which I guess is only to be expected

oh shit hold up

feeling artistic today, were we Horikoshi? having some fun with that there fourth wall

“before we continue from where we left off, let’s see how we got to our present situation.” lol okay

so this appears to be a very nice house out in the woods somewhere. if I had to describe it, I’d say it’s the kind of house Detective Conan characters would get invited to only to find themselves caught up in a sudden murder spree (which they would eventually solve, but only after like three people were killed in a row)

but seriously, doesn’t it look like the power and phone lines are just waiting to be suddenly cut off at the same time that the only bridge back into town is conveniently blocked or destroyed, leaving them with no immediate way out and no way to contact anyone (because of course there’s no cell service either)?

by the way this is the best title Horikoshi has ever come up with, full stop

straight up thing of beauty, this

so anyways, apparently this is some weird cult meeting or something? and Tomura’s gone and crashed it

the examples he decided on, though. Horikoshi have you had some strange encounters with chocolate-hating cockroach fans lately or what

I see Spinner’s making do with just a regular dumb old sword nowadays. no more over-the-top Game of Thrones-inspired swordmalgamations. hey Spinner what is your quirk

holy shit

so basically they’re racist against people with mutant quirks. we had quirk supremacists, and now we have very nearly the opposite. this arc continues to be fascinating and Horikoshi’s worldbuilding continues to get deeper and deeper. this is so far beyond what I imagined we might one day get when I first started reading this series, and it’s amazing

also the Tomura-led LoV continues to somehow be inherently likable in spite of all the murders and whatnot. don’t know how they do it, but damned if they don’t pull it off

now all in favor of them killing off this entire gathering of racist shitbags and taking their mansion, say “aye.” I mean, why not. unless these people were all open with their family and friends about their secret Racist Society Gatherings, no one’s gonna have any clue where to start looking if they all suddenly disappear

anyway, so next page. is this Spinner’s narration, then?

holy shit does Spinner have an extra pair of eyes that I’ve only now just noticed or what. this is freaking me out

(ETA: it’s just his usual ninja turtles mask, but it seriously does look like there’s a second pair of slit pupils in this one panel and it had me second-guessing everything I ever knew for a moment.)

lol meanwhile Compress and Toga are digging through the CRC’s cabinets looking for shit to steal and sell

how are you guys so badass and so fail at the same time

wow and apparently these racists aren’t just racist, they’re fucking stupid as hell too

yes, a candelabra against the guy who can disintegrate people with a mere touch. you really pose one hell of a threat there

so Tomura’s dodging and he’s grabbing the back of the guy’s head!

show of hands, who thinks they’ll actually be smart enough to listen to him. ...yeah that’s what I thought

so now there’s some glorious carnage, and since we’ve thoroughly established that these assholes are The Worst, of course no one actually minds watching them all die horribly

and no one’s gonna mind when they finish off DetCEO at the end of this arc, either. because of what he did to that poor mouse. so apparently all you need to do to keep your audience rooting for the villains is to keep pitting them against Even Worse Villains for the rest of the series lol. plot twist, the League never actually faces off against Deku & Co. for the rest of the manga

I’m only half-joking, too. for me, it really all hinges on whether or not they’re actually responsible for the Noumus (because kidnapping and experimenting on children and turning them into your helpless minions and then getting them killed = Not Cool), and/or how much involvement they actually have in that. but if their hands are clean of that, I will gladly be Team LoV for as long as possible. it’s very easy to do just so long as they keep playing in a separate conference from my 1-A kids. not sure what I’m gonna do once playoff season arrives, though, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it

(ETA: and well, we now know that they have no idea where the Noumus come from! and that Tomura himself is a confirmed victim of Ujiko and AFO’s child abduction and manipulation games as well. so for now I’m perfectly happy to root for them. villains who are just doing their best.)

anyways, I guess it’s bad that I pretty thoroughly enjoyed that, huh

well you can always take the mansion as mentioned. you guys could use a more swanky hideout now that the Ol’ Villain Bar is out of commish

lol oh shit these guys really are broke

if only there was a company out there who recently branched out into the black market villain goods business and was looking to get in contact with you. but I guess we’re still a month and a half away from that. oh and also it’s a trap and they want to kill you (but you guys seem pretty capable of handling yourselves though, so)

also, this is easily the most attractive/least creepy Tomura has ever looked and it’s very strange. did you grow out your hair dude

lol what are you guys even doing

you had a sweet new mansion all to yourselves! just slightly bloodstained and possibly now haunted! but still a real steal considering you would have gotten it for free!

and now Spinner’s headband seems like a normal headband again. where did the eyes go. Spinner you’re starting to freak me out here

anyway, so Kurogiri was clearly the breadwinner around here. without him these guys have no clue how to go on. though Tomura seems to be perfectly content as long as he’s got a couch and a table to put his feet up on

!!! well LOOK WHO IT IS

hello Touya

so he says he’s the only one who’s been trying to gather allies, and Twice is pointing out that he’s yet to bring a single person back with him

and Tou -- I mean Dabi, says “that’s because they’re all trash”

is this how you talk about your good friend Hawks behind your back. for shame

ah okay, so now we’re getting a better idea of the timing here, as Tomura says it’s been approximately one month since Kurogiri’s capture. as you recall, that happened on the same day of the Overhaul raid, which was back in late September if memory serves. so this is now late October, which means that it won’t be long before the encounter with Giganto

(ETA: lol for real. in five... four...)

anyway so we’re flashing back to what I guess is the last conversation Kuro had with Tomura before his capture. I’m interested to see if we learn more about who he was planning to meet up with. probably was Giganto but we never confirmed!

“a great power.” interesting! well, Giganto certainly would seem to fit the bill

and now Tomura is staring at the Quirk-Be-Gone in his hand, and saying that Kurogiri failed in the end, and thanks to that “we’re having a real hard time searching for the doctor���

so now WHO IS THIS DOCTOR, THEN. I THOUGHT KUROGIRI WAS YOUR DOCTOR. WHY WOULD YOU SHATTER MY ILLUSIONS LIKE THIS YOU RAISINY SOB. CLIP YOUR FUCKING NAILS

also you expect me to believe that Giganto is a doctor? that Giganto? that one??

-- OH SHIT HOLD UP!!!

AHHHHHHHHH OKAY HOLD UP LET’S HAVE OURSELVES A QUICK BLAST FROM THE PAST HERE AS I GO AND SEARCH FOR THE PANEL FROM CHAPTER 59

okay, first of all!

I didn’t notice this my first time through, but it’s implied that this is the building where AFO is holed up and watching Tomura from afar. please note how this is not the Ol’ Noumu Warehouse. not even close

(ETA: hey guys is it just me or does Ujiko live in the fucking Chrysler building)

second, here are the two panels with The Doctor

and third...

okay, so this is something I’ve seen mentioned in Dad for One posts, and now that I look at these panels again... yeah. definitely a resemblance there. this is either the same guy, or his evil twin

and now add to that that Tomura just confirmed that this dude is the one who was in charge of the Noumu project. a project which we know most likely involves kidnapping children. and this doppelganger who may or may not be the same person is a fucking pediatrician. and not just anyone’s pediatrician -- Izuku’s pediatrician

which makes one consider two things. one, is it really a coincidence that AFO’s personal physician just happens to be baby Izuku’s as well? (although he might also be a quirk specialist that Inko took him to see.) and two -- presumably this means he would have treated other children in the Musatafu area as well, right? possibly including this boy here?

I mean, we all agree that this means this little guy was fated to be turned into this thing and subsequently get murdered by Stain, yes?

lol yeah so friendly reminder that this series has been pretty fucked up since long before we started dealing with kidnapped little girls and strangled mice and mansion cult murders

(ETA: okay so as of the Ujiko reveal I’ve gotten to read up a lot more about the good doctor here, and there’s one more thing which I feel should be added to this post:

this is from page 174 of the BnHA character book, and basically confirms that our lil winged buddy Tsubasa-kun here is the doctor’s fucking grandson. you know, because this whole Noumu plot wasn’t horrifying enough yet. let’s just see how fucking dark we can make it. holy shit.)

anyway! now that we’ve enjoyed that refresher, let’s continue and see where this all leads

lol Toga is poking fun that Tomura didn’t even deny the “you’ve been lonely without Kurogiri” part. and indeed, he still isn’t

and now Spinner is addressing Tomura directly and asking him “what the hell are we even doing?”

he says he’s here because he was inspired by Stain

apparently he was discriminated against as a child growing up in a bad area. people called him a dumb lizard man and he was used to things just being like that and he just accepted it as the way of the world

watch out kids, we may or may not be getting some fucking Spinner feels here oh shit

anyway, so that lasted until he saw Stain’s last moments on TV and was inspired by how he was trying to change the world all on his own

he says he realized for the first time how suffocating the world is, and he couldn’t sit still after that and that’s why he joined the League

wow Dabi

that’s all you’ve got to say dude?? don’t sleep on other people’s angst just because you obviously have your own horrific secret backstory that you have yet to share

so now Spinner is getting really bold and grabbing Tomura by the collar and shouting in his face that he doesn’t understand his lazy attitude

well Tomura? do you have a good answer?

the others are all watching, and Twice is the only one who seems anxious lol. Toga’s actually yawning and Dabi just seems mildly interested in where this leads. and Compress’s face is unreadable cuz of his mask

eh what’s this now

OH SHIT

ALREADY?? SO THEN WHERE WAS DABI IN THAT TWO-PAGE SPREAD FROM THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER

also wtf at Tomura diving to grab all his spare hands and (I presume) frantically scramble to put them all on before the wall comes busting down

oh, he looks very excited though

and not at all concerned at the fact that this dude just ripped his house apart. I guess because he naturally expects that AFO will be loyal to him if he’s someone that AFO left behind. remember how entitled he used to be about things like the Noumus? “I’m allowed to have whatever I want, right?” or something along those lines? no doubt he feels similarly about Giganto here and is probably in for a rude awakening in three... two...

anyway, so Tomura is explaining to the others that this is one of the “battle assets” that AFO left behind

oh boy here we go

“brat”? can the radio communicate his thoughts or something?? seriously, what’s up with that thing?

anyways lol

his face omgggggggg

that’s right Tomura, if you were waiting for shit to just be handed to you like how it always used to be, you got another thing coming boyo

anyway so now we’re finally back to the present! (which is still a month and a half in the past though lulz)

nah he ain’t weak he just needs to get up off his ass

so now Giganto is clutching his head and falling to his knees in despair as the others look on in confusion

!!!

DON’T TELL ME

WELL SHIT, O-FUCKING-KAY THEN

aggghhh you guys. so today is March 26 2019. as of my writing this, there is exactly one more chapter to go. and then that’s it. I’ll be all caught up. I am simultaneously excited and dreading that shit

but. here I go

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Thirty Two

I am beyond exhausted. 

After finishing my break-up blog when I got home from Game Night at C’s, I stayed up till close to 2am before I finally dozed off. I woke up this morning at 8am, lazed about, ate breakfast and finally took a shower closer to 10am. Then I met C and AS at 10:30 so we could take AS grocery shopping and to buy a few things like a new coffee maker. 

What I anticipated would be a maximum 4 hours of running errands and having lunch turned into 7 hours, which is why I was so tired. There I go again with my stupid expectations - they always let me down. At least AS got some things she likes and needed as well as both C and I. It was mostly an excuse for me to spend some of my money that I got from my recent bonus, most of it happening at IKEA, but it was fun spending money and not caring too much. Plus I got some yummy baked treats at Tous Les Jours, which always puts a big smile on my face. Plus I had fun with C and AS, they’re a laugh riot.  I’ll be good tomorrow and hopefully only withdraw my rent money and only spend money on eggs and maybe a pedicure. I’m growing eagle’s talons on my toes, so it’s definitely time for a nail trimming and some foot scrubbing. 

I honestly don’t feel like I have the energy to exercise after this, that’s how tired I am. It’s getting harder and harder to keep up with my exercise schedule and write my break-blog entries every evening after all the things I do in the mornings and afternoons, even on my days off. This is probably part of the reason why I don’t always hang out with people. It’s not that I don’t enjoy social interactions and activities with my family, friends or colleagues. I just have a tiny social battery life that lasts for up to 2 hours at a time. On a good day - maybe 4-6 hours. I’m definitely OCD when it comes to controlling my schedule so I have enough time to do all the things I want and need to do in a single day. 

Meh. 

Worst-case scenario: I do the exercises I can manage and skip the ones I can’t or simply don’t want to do. It’s only a workout programme on a phone app, not a serious committment like a marriage proposal. I might go into work for a bit on Sunday to start marking some of the written assessments that are complete. I’m not going to stress that much over it since the grades my students get at school is mostly fiction anyway. 

C told me earlier that the supervisor for all the foreign teachers at school, ML, was the one who told her that our new vice-principal didn’t want to renew C’s work contract for next year. Seeing as the man started working at our school only a week ago, I find it hard to believe that he has such a strong opinion already about high or low turnovers of teachers coming to and leaving our school. Which makes me think that it’s really MH who cares about the turnover issue and actually just wants C out. Never mind the fact that MH is planning on leaving our school next year too - what does it matter apparently if she takes a few more teachers out the door with her, right? 

I’m really starting to dislike shady people in general. Honesty, how hard is it to admit that you have a shady agenda? You might as well come clean and save yourself the trouble of getting found out later by a couple of metaphorical teenagers playing detective and their meddling dog. Hopefully I get to stick it to my school when they find out I’m leaving as well. That means H will have to train two new teachers in the Elementary department come next year. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not leaving school because of how C’s been treated. I’m grown enough to know that’s between her and our employers and has got jack shit to do with me and my teaching abilities. It’s just time for me to go, especially when I already feel like nothing I do at my job actually matters. 

Still, there are silver linings to everything. I prayed to God this morning and got emotional in a good way thinking about all the wonderful students who have come into my life in the last 5 years while I pursued a career in ESL Education. Sure, the path has had its ups and downs, but what a wonderful and fulfilling path it’s been so far. I can’t wait to look back on this chapter in my life 20 years from now and see how far I’ve come. I hope I’m lucky enough to meet a few of my old students in the future and see what they’ve accomplished. Since most of my students have been Asian so far, I firmly believe that they’ll accomplish a lot in their lives. I don’t want to ever forget what my teachers have taught me over time and what I’ve learnt while being a teacher. I chose this path 7 years ago after I broke up with KA and I’ve managed to see so much more of the world along the way. It’s been hard and challenging, but there’s nothing I would change about the journey that got me here. 

While in one of the department stores with C and AS, I saw a display of backpacks that I previously bought in the last year: a black one for X’s birthday a few months ago and a grey one for me not long after that. I ended up giving my backpack to X while we were in Manila and she was stressing about how to take all of her gifts for her family and her clothes back home in her tiny suitcase. At the time, it was a wrench to give up the backpack, but not so serious that I couldn’t buy another duplicate for myself here in China. Now I’m thinking about whether I still want to get another grey one or get a different colour altogether. I don’t want too reminders of X hampering my future progress, but it also seems to dwell too much on semantics. Certain, useless memories will fade over time; hopefully when that happens, I’ll still get to keep the good memories of X that won’t be too bittersweet for me. It took some time for me to view my memories with KA and even CH, my first boyfriend, as good moments. But I got there eventually. Despite some of the tough moments that happened after the break-up with both of them, I hope that KA and CH don’t hold it against me and that they’ve moved on completely for the better. 

As far as X is concerned, I could give two flying fucks and a left nut-sack what she thinks of me. I’m already winning the break-up just from not lying to her about money or lying about having a terminal illness. Who knew those things would actually be relationship deal-breakers? I guess it’s because it’s only been a month since the break-up and the hurt and resentment is still fresh. I hope it gets over time not to treat every good memory of X with patronising disdain. 

It sucks that my mind inadvertently travels to more intimate moments with X, like her soft, unrushed kisses and the way she would rub my back when I’d wake up in the middle of the night after having a violent coughing fit. I hate that she was so tender in those moments and so rough and unkind with my feelings in the months before our break-up. Did she really hate me that much or did she just not have enough human decency in her to set me and herself free to move on and be happier by ourselves? 

I wish I knew. I also wish I could confront her and actually get the fucking truth out of her. But that’s just my wishful thinking talking again. The reality is that I’ll never know the truth, even if X deigns to feed more useless crap.

The more I type, the less tired I start to feel. So I think I’ll end off here, get dressed into my workout clothes and exercise for a bit. Then I’ll enjoy my cream doughnut and garlic bread from Tous Les Jours while vegging the night away. 

I hope I can just sleep and then sleep some more, till that peaceful feeling of nothingness takes over my brain. I need to slow down and start resting more. So maybe when my latest workout programme is done, I might also take a break from writing my break-up blog entries. 

Life sometimes happens when you’re out there actually living it. It might soon be time for me to take my fingers off of the keyboard, go out of my apartment and start living and maybe even loving again.