#and also 'i lost my temper and bit him' i wonder if he did ACTUALLY bite his cousin (if the letter is about going to visit that particular

[gorillaxyz]

it actually hurts in ways you couldnt imagine

[sixosix]

IT WAS ALL BY DESIGN | KAVEH

tags second chance, angst and fluff, time-skips, DARK HUMOR, lovers to exes to lovers again, profanity

written for art @aanobrain, who i made a bloodpact with saying that if i were to write this they’d write me xiao, so here we are. hope u like it art

a/n wc 4K kaveh lore spoilers but i didn’t follow the canon timeline. kaveh meets al-haitham BEFORE the palace of alcazarzaray. also this has two parts

next part

kaveh first saw you when he was presenting his nth draft proposal to his fellow group members.

it’s stressful, it’s a mess, kaveh is lost, and so, so tired. this group is certainly the worst one he’s had yet, but he’s too far deep to back out now.

tamara sighs deeply, like a tired mother, and kaveh’s temper flares, “i understand your need to express your love for aesthetics, but don’t you think that it’s unwise to sacrifice practicality?”

kaveh’s jaw ticks. “sacrifice? i’ve already explained that i’ve thought of every detail to consider. give me something to work on, actual criticism, without just slandering my ideals.”

tamara enjoys insulting his beliefs because she is nothing like kaveh. or maybe it’s because he is nothing like her.

it always is like this. snobs treat his proposals—bursting at the seams with unique ideas yet never neglecting quality—like a joke, and they never get past getting called drafts. he never gets past calling any of his first proposals a success.

“the outside world wouldn’t be as lenient as we had been to your designs, you know,” another of them says. one of his mentors. “tamara is right. we don’t have to get too detailed. here, listen, what if you just change up the strange curve of this wall? and this pillar you…”

outside world, kaveh thinks bitterly. he had already dealt enough with the outside world, but keeping him cornered against a wall he had been building against them was far worse than that.

yet he can’t say this. he’s said enough already. if tamara’s face were to get any redder, he’d lose the opportunity for the materials collectively funded by these people.

kaveh sighs, defeated. “i know. i’m sorry i snapped. i’ll take in your suggestions. what did you say must be removed first?”

“hold on,” one of his group mates speaks up. anis leans her chair over to another table, tapping the shoulder of someone kaveh is sure he’s never damn seen before. “hey, what do you think?”

you squint at kaveh’s work, unfazed by anis interrupting your studies. kaveh doesn’t want to, but he can’t look away. “i don’t understand some of it, but it’s nice. this building would look beautiful in the jungle.”

anis returns the front of her char’s legs on the floor. “ahh, you think?” she muses, handing the paper over to you. “well, an outside perspective is just as important.”

with a pen in your grip, you point at somewhere kaveh can’t quite see, blocked off by the back of the paper. it’s blocked off your face, too. “could use a bit more ornamental flora. too little over here if you’re going to already add it. life doesn’t just come from bright colors, but other forms of life as well.”

“spoken like a true amurta darshan.”

you huff proudly, lowering the paper and revealing your smile. kaveh stares, and stares.

knowing how to appreciate beauty as he does is a trait he has always admired. he secretly takes your suggestions to heart, planning to pull another all-nighter for a few sketches. this is the beauty of the akademiya; why he never gave up as soon as he was first brought down—he learns so much every day.

his heart races just at the thought of it. it’s been days since he felt this.

kaveh wonders if he’ll see you again and doesn’t get much time to think about it again when he’s pulled back to reality, back to yet another proposal that’s been erased so many times, it looks more like a smudge of ink than something kaveh would proudly call his.

kaveh sees you again in the house of daena hunched over a book with your face pinched, sitting next to someone, and he thinks that might’ve been when he fell in love.

but no, that can’t be right. that’s not how love works. it takes time, courage, long nights, restless mornings—this is just him a few feet away from someone whose words he admired.

this must be more like passing by a picture that caught his interest. this must be more fleeting, more like what he deserves, like how the yolk is shaped perfectly on his breakfast for the first time in weeks, how the weather is perfect for smooth construction without disaster, or how his mother did not at least cry too much in a day.

he had only been trying to pass by and continue annotating the book he promised himself to get back to, which happened to be slotted on the shelf in front of your table. it’s sheer luck. and he might’ve taken advantage of it.

the student next to you is speaking. cyno, kaveh recognizes belatedly. “do you get it? because wave could refer to the motion of your hands, but it could also refer to an ocean’s wave, or what is the result of the wind blowing over the surface of—”

you clutch your head. with your eyes off the books scattered across the desk, kaveh sees this as a sign to turn away, a small smile on his face as he listens to your voice. it’s pleasant, much more than the ones he hears all the time around him. “please, cyno, have some respect for your senior and have mercy on the bags under my eyes.”

“i am,” cyno says sternly. “i am cheering you up. perhaps it’s because you aren’t under-sand-ing my jokes.”

when kaveh risks a glance, you throw a crumbled paper onto cyno, which he catches with unblinking ease.

“don’t make me call tighnari here,” you threaten, holding a pen to his face.

“is he going to give me pun-ishment?”

“cyno…”

kaveh gets his wits about him again and realizes that he had been picking more books than he needed, just in time to hear more of cyno, unfortunately.

“did you not understand? you see, the word punishment has pun in it, which is what i’m—”

“that’s it.” the sound of a chair sliding across the smooth floor echoes in the quiet halls. “you sit there alone. think about your actions; i’m going to get lunch without you.”

kaveh takes a step forward, you do so backward, and you catch each other’s eyes from the synchronized movement.

somehow, meeting your eyes makes his heart jump to his throat. he can’t tell if this is better or worse than when you were just at a different table and he didn’t have the chance to speak with you.

it becomes a moment too long: kaveh gets nervous, spinning around on his heels and pretending to look for more books. this is unlike him. his head aches trying to think about it.

once you leave, kaveh approaches cyno.

“cyno,” kaveh says with a smile.

“kaveh,” cyno acknowledges. “why were you just watching us? was there something wrong?”

kaveh’s blood drains from his face. “was it that obvious? was it?”

cyno nods. “you’re terrible at acting casual.”

kaveh sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “ugh—whatever. cyno, hey, listen. that person you were with…”

“y/n?” he tilts his head. “did you need anything?”

“no, no.” kaveh repeats your name in his head, and files it away for later. “do you want to get lunch?” he asks, which he later realizes is an unspoken invitation for a new side of cyno he wishes he didn’t know. the puns hurt his head more than frustrating clients.

kaveh sits by himself in lambad’s tavern, lazily rocking his glass back and forth.

he’s made friends. plenty. but he’s not sure if he can confide in them if he were to go to them in this state.

he thought could consider al-haitham as one, but that blew over on his own face some time ago. it was a mess. kaveh’s not sure which hurt more: when he felt his own spite with how he trembled in spitting al-haitham’s name, or the fact that someone he almost considered a best friend seemed unfazed at all when they both knew that they wouldn’t talk to each other the next day.

al-haitham removed his name from the thesis, and kaveh tore up the copy he had of it. but unlike al-haitham, kaveh couldn’t bear the guilt and pieced them back together.

now they haven’t spoken for a while.

and he sits here, frustrated to the point of near tears.

he’s never felt as lonely as he feels right now, burdened by the stress accumulated from all those years with no one to tell him that he’s doing something right, that he’s going in the right direction. it feels childish, but when he closes his eyes, he can vividly imagine someone patting his shoulder, telling him he’s proud to call him his son, or someone pulling him close, kissing his forehead, telling him that she’d come back for him.

kaveh picks up the glass and takes a long sip.

“are you even allowed to drink?” someone says, too close to him.

kaveh inhales sharply, unfortunately breathing his drink along with it. he chokes on it, and some dribbled past his lips as he turns to the sound of the familiar voice.

you quirk an eyebrow. kaveh wants to gape.

“it’s coffee, and i’m allowed,” kaveh mutters hoarsely, flustered. how long have you been there? were you just watching him?

“but you’re pretending it is alcohol?”

kaveh looks away. he was hoping that no one would notice his dramatics.

“it’s funny,” you tell him. kaveh wasn’t really hoping to appear funny in his sorry state.

you call for lambad and tell him you want your usual. when lambad returns, he hands you a half-full glass of what kaveh could smell as alcohol. maybe he should’ve done the same, but his goal was to feel awake enough to finish his due project, not intoxicated and slurring his words together.

“well?” you turn to him, your cheek against your palm as your arm rests against the counter. “are you gonna act like it and bemoan your regrets?”

students of the akademiya have started to become familiar with the fact that kaveh is a one-of-a-kind genius. names like light of kshahrewar started to circle the halls loud enough for kaveh to hear it from rumors and to his face when they asked to collaborate with him or when they ask for too much of his time.

he was expecting you to do the same. he wouldn’t even blame you if you tried because he wouldn’t hesitate to say yes. yes, yes, i want to.

there is no liquid courage here, just the presence of you and his muddled mind finding it far too comfortable.

“my mother remarried,” he says.

you blink, pausing mid-way through drinking your fill. “oh…?”

“i’m happy for her,” kaveh says, confident, firm.

“here’s to that.” you clink your glass against his.

you weren’t taking it as a happy statement. he doesn’t want sympathy, but he knows that whatever you’re thinking is the irrefutable truth. perhaps you were mourning with him because he, too, knows that there’s nothing content about him when he has to reassure himself out loud.

kaveh wants to ask so many questions. he wants to pull out the stacks of papers shoved in his briefcase, ask you what you think of it, listen to you tell him that you understand its beauty, but it’d be more beautiful if he weren’t so afraid and confined in someone else’s ideals. he needs to hear you say it because he knows you’d say the exact same thing as he wants.

instead, he sits quietly, watching you from the corner of his eyes, entranced.

and kaveh—he’s longing. or maybe he’s just starting to feel loneliness. 

“so, what happened between you and al-haitham’s group project?” you ask, wearing a smile that spells out you know exactly what you’re getting into.

“oh, don’t even get me started,” kaveh groans.

the night ends with his heart a little lighter than it was before. (this is still fleeting, right?)

it seems like after that, you’re just everywhere and always by his side. kaveh loves it. especially when he’s too caught up with the world and needs someone to distract him enough to remember that the world is splendid.

despite his desperate attempt at drowning himself in coffee in hopes of being able to remodel at least three rejected drafts, he doesn’t get anything done at all.

he knows that giving in and offering to help out everyone who asks him for it isn’t healthy. he knows it, and he sees the effects on his face, the paleness of his skin, and the mess of his hair.

when kaveh stares his paper down, he can almost see himself on it. not a reflection, but a shadow. it looks like a bird’s nest. he might as well get feathers to go with his hair and complete the look.

someone taps his shoulder, and kaveh somehow doesn’t feel like reacting accordingly. “kaveh, is that you? are you kaveh?” the stranger asks, all in one breath.

it takes him a few seconds. breathing in and out deeply. he turns around, hopes the eyebags on his face aren’t as heavy as they feel, and smiles.

“yes?”

“ah!” he recognizes the student. a few years younger than him. he can’t quite come up with a name right now. “thank goodness. they told me that you could help me with this, i knew you wouldn’t disappoint.”

“oh,” kaveh says, quiet.

if any of his friends were here, they’d glare him down, tell him that he’s going to bleed himself dry if he even thinks about saying anything aside from no. but they aren’t, and kaveh’s heart is bleeding out instead.

“what is it?”

“kaveh!”

you come stumbling in between him and the younger student, whose eyes bulge out of his eyes. he seems to be shaking, if kaveh were to look any closer.

without warning, you throw an arm over kaveh’s shoulder, leaning down to press your chest against his shoulder blade. kaveh’s breath hitches.

you tilt your head to appraise the cowering junior. “oh,” you say, as if not realizing he had been there all along. “daneh. did you need anything?”

“no. no, no, i don’t,” daneh splutters. “i’ll take my leave, i think— i think i should— please excuse me.”

while daneh runs off, kaveh tries to recall his breakfast and the procedure he did in his head to calm down and give himself the boldness to meet your eyes. what is happening to him?

dried fish fillet pan-fried until crispy, served in creamy, white sauce, sprinkled with mint—

“kaveh,” you say. your voice is too close to his ears, which he is sure is turning red.

—kaveh, kaveh, kaveh.

“y/n,” kaveh says, defeated, the grip on his quill faltering. “what was that about?”

he thinks he can feel a grin, and he badly wants to see what it would look like on your face. “i don’t remember telling you my name.”

curiosity wins. kaveh can’t help but smile along with you when he sees it. “you did it on purpose?” then, “cyno told me.”

“you asked around about me?”

“yes, i did,” he says, almost petulantly.

the way your mouth tips to one side more makes your beam come off more smug. “is that so?” you say, and kaveh feels like he’s bared himself to the world. “what’s this?”

kaveh follows where you’re pointing. it’s a mindless sketch he was practicing with; he doesn’t remember drawing half of it. “i was… oh, i don’t know, i just needed a break.”

“this is what you do on your break?” your fingers hover over the page as you trace the curved columns and drooping roof. “green. they look like leaves,” you tell him quietly.

kaveh’s smile turns softer at your sincere awe. “i know.” he wonders what’s going on in your head, then wonders if he’s worth knowing. “what do you think’s missing?”

“i’m no architect, but it could use a bit more of a… splash, you know? color. maybe some—”

“ornamental flora?” kaveh finishes for you. “you’re right. there’s no need to worry about this, though. i must have been on autopilot creating this.”

“straight to the bin it goes? what a shame. it’s stunning.” there’s a seat right there, yet you insist on being pressed against him, bent over, still too close to his ear. you talk about beauty, and kaveh asks himself if you’ve looked at yourself. “i suppose i don’t understand how geniuses work. you are one of a kind, light of kshahrewar.”

then he is suddenly so aware of your hand having trailed upwards, resting on his nape. as you move, your skin rubs absentmindedly on where the hair fades. he shivers.

he hates that title. he feels like he doesn’t deserve any praise he receives at all. yet when you say it—

“you blush a lot,” you point out. kaveh wants to dig a hole and lay there forever. “it’s cute. your expressiveness is charming.”

“don’t—just say that.” his face is so, so red.

al-haitham finds him alone at the same table that night, unable to focus on anything but his racing thoughts. something is wrong with him, he’s sure. he’ll have to pay tighnari a visit and retrace if he’d picked the wrong mushroom.

al-haitham—and kaveh doesn’t know how he’s managed to figure it out so easily—makes a face that would be the closest thing to a smile. “i like y/n,” al-haitham says, out of the blue.

“what,” kaveh says flatly, coiled up like a cat prepared to pounce.

“smart enough to pull you back down and smart enough to make you listen.”

“it’s—” kaveh wants to say it’s not like that, but he goes silent thinking about it. “fuck off. you wouldn’t get it.”

al-haitham tilts his head to the side. “you’re the one not ‘getting it’.”

thankfully, al-haitham leaves him be. they are still on awkward terms, after all.

“oh,” kaveh says intelligently one morning. oh, no.

tighnari’s ear twitches. “the star of the show is here, finally.”

“everyone,” kaveh starts solemnly as the door slams shut behind him. the wind blows, and kaveh’s hair flutters, looking like he came straight out of those films.

“how has dealing with your recent client been looking?” tighnari asks with a smile. cyno and al-haitham nod because they probably didn’t think of even asking that. it’s why tighnari is kaveh’s favorite.

but he is not here to talk about that.

kaveh slams his briefcase on the table, rattling their glasses. “i’m going to confess.”

al-haitham makes a face. “who are we confessing to?”

“not we, al-haitham. stay out of this,” kaveh says. al-haitham’s expression doesn’t change. “i’m going to confess, and it’s going to be so romantic. no one can say no.”

“i would say no.”

kaveh glares, snatching his glass. “al-haitham, just be quiet. the adults are talking. this isn’t about you.”

“you invited us out here,” al-haitham points out.

cyno tilts his head. “to y/n, right?”

“about time,” tighnari sighs.

“yes, to y/n. and what do you mean about—” kaveh huffs, getting red in the face, flustered. “hey, aren’t you guys going to stop me? tell me this is a bad idea and that i’m going to ruin this meaningful friendship i have with y/n?”

“everyone wants you to confess already,” al-haitham says, as if kaveh is stupid for not realizing that. maybe he is.

cyno hums thoughtfully. “if i stop you, i think y/n will murder me with bare hands.”

“oh,” kaveh says, pleased. whatever that means. “alright, then, thank you.” he downs the glass of water—it was al-haitham’s, most likely, judging by the incensed expression on his face—and grabs his briefcase again.

“where are you going— kaveh, hey, where do you think you’re—” tighnari smacks his hand on the table, yelling after kaveh, who’s already by the door.

kaveh’s confession is messy, quick, and probably not as romantic as he had hoped, stumbling over his words and feeling as brave as an infatuated schoolgirl.

“pinning me against the shelf like this is quite the move, kaveh,” you say, and kaveh snaps back to reality. “why are we hiding?”

“sorry,” he splutters, backing off a bit but not enough to have you far from touching him. “i don’t want—someone could see us.”

“now, why are you afraid of that?” you grin, sly enough to make kaveh comprehend that you know exactly what he’s called you over here for. you do the—the thing again, where you trace shapes on his nape, and he shivers helplessly.

“i like you too much,” kaveh says, his face too red to be passed off as sunburnt.

suddenly, all the confidence he thought he had when he left the tavern dissipated. “you know what i mean. can you—no, will you… ugh, i’m not doing it right—”

you meet his gaze, and you don’t look away, the long silence starting to grow distressing for kaveh.

“kaveh,” you say softly, and that’s when kaveh’s expression crumbles. it could be because of how you said it, carving his name with your mouth so tenderly, but really, it’s because he feels like you wouldn’t look at him the same way ever again.

“yes.”

…wait.

you cup his cheek, pulling him closer to you by his hips. “yes, yes.”

“wait,” kaveh says, “really?”

you bristle, tilting your head down. are you embarrassed? kaveh feels a thrill run down his spine. “yes. about time—we finally did something about the unbearable tension between us. so, if you’re willing to have me…”

“yes, yes,” kaveh says, to all of that. “god, yes.”

embarrassed, you bury your face on his shoulder. kaveh can’t hide how fast his heart is beating when you’re directly on top of it. when you’re in it. “but listen, kaveh, i don’t know if i can stay here in sumeru forever. and i know it will be hard. so if you aren’t—”

kaveh is too happy to think too hard about that.

“no,” kaveh says, “no, i still want to try. please, let’s try.”

“okay,” you breathe, smiling brightly. “kiss me already, will you?”

kaveh prays and prays and thanks their archon that this isn’t fleeting. don’t let it be, not when he has you, and he has already found out your lips meld perfectly with his.

lord sangemah bay commissions him.

in the first few minutes after dori told him that she could care less about what he wanted to do with the place, kaveh didn’t know what to do with himself. he wanted to do everything, but when all of it comes rushing at once, he’s frozen in place instead.

he takes a step in the direction of the house of daena, then another, and another, until he’s sprinting and his heart is racing enough to have a smile crack across his face.

he spends the night in there. he feels crazy; other students can sense madness in his eyes. they all leave him be, as if they know that once they ask, kaveh will never stop talking.

kaveh feels his wrist sore, but he can’t stop. he wouldn’t be able to if he even tried, not when he thinks of a sinking leaf for a roof, windows shaped like petals, and your words—

kaveh pauses, glancing at the clock that has definitely been spinning faster than he remembered.

it’s sunrise. he gets back to work.

“you’re grinning ear-to-ear,” you say, poking kaveh’s cheek. “you’re not telling me something.”

kaveh isn’t. but only on purpose. he takes your hand and uses it to kiss the back of your palm as he blinks up at you, the embodiment of innocence. “what are you talking about? i told you about it. dori commissioned me, and she said that i’ll be in charge of the approval of the design and the construction process…”

while kaveh explains all this, gesturing wildly with his hands, he trails off when realizing you had just been staring at him fondly. his heart skips a beat or two.

“why—why are you just staring like that?”

“it’s hard not to.”

he kisses you square on the mouth, the blueprint of the palace of alcazarzaray hidden beneath his palms, and he thinks he’s never been happier.

(and under the same stars, the withering slithers in, and everything crashes down faster than kaveh could even say please, no.)

a/n art if you’re reading this i didn’t tell you but this is actually a second chance fic cus i remember you saying it’s one of your favorite tropes 🤧 but anyway ty for reading!

[ashdreams2023]

The umbrella academy season 4 thoughts (contain spoilers)

Let’s start with my top characters this season

Victor

Alison (surprisingly)

Klaus

Didn’t like them much for reasons I’ll explain

Ben

Lila

Five

Neutral about

Diego

Luther

Opinion on each character:

- First off Victor looks extra manly this season idk what it was but it was so good and he was so brave! I’m so proud of him and so glad he got the recognition he wanted from his dad, I like how his character got through the four seasons, his journey was great, he’s one of the most level headed to me personally in the group, he has every right to be angry and tired.

- Alison oh my god she worked this season, she knows she messed up bad and isn’t acting like she didn’t do anything wrong, it’s nice to see that by the end of the day she proved that all she needed was her family, Clare was also adorable, Also her knew powers are cool as shit, this Alison is so much better than season 3 and I’m glad we’re over that version of her

- I can not stress this enough but I’ll never get enough of klaus! It was such a nice touch to make him a germ phobic person and being scared of dying because he couldn’t just come back, him too timid and unlike his…well himself! Also I’m tired of seeing his potential going to waste! He is powerful! Literally he speak and order the dead! What happened?! Like his power is so dope! On a side note I sorta felt sad when I realized he started drinking at a young age to cope with the voices and what he sees

- Ben…Jesus Christ I haven’t liked him since season 3 and I still don’t, I miss the Ben from the first two seasons I used to have a crush on him he was adorable, funny and slightly crazy, plus he was always with klaus they were a duo, this Ben from the sparrow academy was not it and what you mean all of this was his fault? 💀 like yeah you want to be a hero but look to what that lead

- Lila I think she’s cool…her and Diego are badasses, but girl! Tf wrong with you?! Fine do undercover work, you have a right to be your own person you’re not just a wife but god damn did you have to go and be with five! Other than that it was just a mess

- five was so out of character this season, what happened to the overworked, tempered person I loved?! What you mean you fell for Lila because you followed her stupid idea?! And guess what? You got nothing out of it! You got lost for seven years in there, gathered literally nothing and had an affair with your sister in law! they could’ve been creative and pull a human Delors from one of the other timelines and make him a love interest but nope! They had to make it messy and weird

- Diego oh my sweet Diego, his character is so…I don’t know but I never disliked him, he has mommy issues and he’s hella funny without realizing it, also poor him this season, although he’s definitely softened up, it’s adorable that he made himself a family even though it got taken away at the end 💀 also he’s justified for being angry at five, that one bullet scene was excellent though

- Luther, actually like took me tf out that he was working as a stripper omg lol! I almost forgot how slim the actual actor was, he was dumb and funny, and I genuinely wondered where his wife went, he was so ready to go find her at the end of last season 

Overall:

I didn’t hate the final ending, I mean it made sense for that every timeline they stepped in they destroyed, like I’ll miss them to bits, those dumb idiots and pretend season 4 never happened because I gained nothing but a WTF did I just watch moment, and I thought people were exaggerating but it was just not that good…I wished they gave Ben and Jennifer more time so their relationship isn’t solely based on what’s inside them and justice for my man Klaus he suffered so much throughout these seasons.

Anyways at the end of the day these are only opinions and if you like this season good for you babe, enjoy whatever makes you happy 🤍

[fanficcrow]

Powerswap!au

A/N: I can’t believe I’m ACTUALLY getting a fic out when u said I would??? That’s a first.

(Also if you like the fic I do take requests! And pls reblog <3)

Warnings

Creep Reader

John was an accident. At first anyways. You had gotten pissed off at your old PA and might have lost your temper. Just a little though, and besides, it was their fault for making such a shit oat latte.

So you had told Ashley to pick out some PA candidates for you to interview, preferably ones with a brain in their head. And when you walked into your office you locked eyes with him. John.

He was your choice from the moment you walked in that room, but you’d never admit it. There was just something so….. captivating about him. It might have been his anxious demeanour, or his penchant for matching his turtlenecks with different glasses. But that didn’t matter. He was here now.

And you sure as shit weren’t going to let him leave.

You had tried to ignore him at first. After all, he was just some human, surely the infatuation would wear off soon.

But it didn’t. Days passed, and you found yourself looking for more excuses to see him.

You tried to not be obvious and started with small interactions. Besides, it’s normal for someone to visit their PA….. right?

You stepped into his office, taking a deep breath. Fuck, only a few weeks in here and it already smells like him. You look towards his desk, wondering why he hasn’t greeted you yet, only to find him so absorbed in his work that he didn’t notice your entrance.

Unbelievable. The homelander walked into his office and he didn’t even glance up? You should be infuriated, but something about his focus strikes you as cute.

You clear your throat, making him jump. He really wasn’t aware of you then, huh? A quiet satisfaction fills you as you hear his increased heart rate. It’s good to know you aren’t the only one affected.

“I need my Friday 4 pm moved. I don’t care when it’s moved to, just not Friday.” You glare down at him as you speak.

He blinks his big blue eyes up at you and your heart melts a little. “Oh? U-uhm are you sure? That’s a very important interview, I don’t know if-“

You cut him off mid sentence. “Did I ask how important it is? No. I said move. It.” You make your eyes glow red a bit, but turn it down when you hear his heart go faster. Shit, maybe you went too far. You wanted him to be a little frightened, not scared shitless.

“Y-yes Ma’am, I apologize.” He clicks his mouse, presumably moving the interview. You spy a drop of sweat roll down the side of his face and feel a twinge of guilt.

You heave a deep sigh. “Thank you….” You trail off, not really sure what to say next. As homelander, you really aren’t used to apologizing. “Just…. don't let it happen again, ok?” Yeah, that sounds about right. Firm, but not rude.

“Yes ma’am.” He hesitates but you can tell he wants to say more. “May I ask why you need it moved?”

“No.” You say. Short and simple, surely that wasn’t a mistake? You clear your throat a second time. “That will be all. Thank you…” You cut yourself off before you say his name. It’d be more polite to ask, right?

“I don’t believe I actually caught your name.”

He smiles and chuckles a little. “Don’t beat yourself up, you can just call me John.”

He laughed? You’re stunned. How could he laugh at the homelander? You weren’t sure where he got his courage, but you were sure about one thing.

You were gonna make John yours. At any cost.

[esotericfaery]

Intimate Spiritual Diary, Entry 7: Bullying, the Ascendant, Lilith & Pluto

TLDR: A mix of Astrology tips and emotionally pouring from my mutability. Way back when I briefly lost it; Sun / Ascendant clash as Lilith kicks ass, and strict stellium rules seem a bit funny.

I’ve really been going straight to town on Astrology for about a year now, and multiple times have noticed this, but never bothered to actually write it down - There’s a simple, quite obvious reason for why I have a pattern of being (or just feeling) completely misunderstood as to who I am as a person, among many people, for 43 years now: My Pisces Ascendant is opposite my Virgo stellium. The Ascendant is an intertwining of self-expression and how others perceive us; first impressions and how we instinctively want to be seen. My Virgo Sun is part of my stellium and the Sun represents innate identity and personality.

In opposition, the energy clash I’m talking about here becomes obvious.

It could have been more difficult though. I could be dealing with squares instead of oppositions; harshness without any motivation for energetic movement.

I was bullied so much as a child that in one situation, I was hurt further by losing my temper. I grabbed a boy by the neck, pushed him into a wall and yelled at him (Mars [action and aggression] in Scorpio [mystery & transformation] in the 7th house of one-on-one relationships of all types). When my father was called in because I was labeled as violent, he said he didn’t believe it because his daughter never behaves that way at home, so what did the boy say or do to me first?

I remember being called every insult you can think of. I don’t remember any specific incidents of things that were said to me mockingly, or with anger; not word for word. It was so much, and so regularly that it all blends and blurs together, because it was all too intense. Anger to a girl, especially in my situation with it mostly being expressed by boys, is incredibly frightening. It’s often repressed in the wars between the sexes. It’s no wonder to me now that eventually I became violent. I asked my parents for clarification, and they don’t remember any other times when I was violent.

Lilith deals with fear and repression between the sexes. There are 4 Liliths in Astrology and if you’re looking to simplify it or for a place to start, the most commonly worked with one is a point called Mean Black Moon Lilith, though the Asteroid Lilith, as it has a physical body, is also popular.

My Mean & True Black Moon Liliths are both in Libra (justice and balance) in the 7th house (one-on-one relationships, conflicts, alliances), Asteroid Lilith in Scorpio (shadow work, phoenix rising from the ashes) is also in the 7th, and Dark Moon Lilith is in Aquarius (innovation, humanitarianism, shock and sudden change, revolution) in the 12th House (mystery, esoteric exploration within multiple realms of experiential reality, mental health).

Lilith is deeply misunderstood on too many levels to go into here, as I’m not trying to write you a book. There are plenty of good occultic articles and books about Lilith. She’s still commonly seen as a demon, and yet without her protecting me and inspiring me, even on levels within my aura and subconscious which I wasn’t aware of at the time, I both think and feel that my experiences having been bullied would have been worse. Lilith is my warrior Goddess.

Pluto is also in my 7th house in Libra, conjunct (3° orb., applying) my Mean Black Moon Lilith, and so he had an equal part in helping me with all of this, through his superior transformative powers, assessing multiple angles through the Libran lens. Pluto is not a version of “the devil”, and He is not dangerous; far from it. Pluto is an active principal in fearlessness, death and rebirth. Pluto is my warrior God.

I guess some would choose to feel superior to those who had bullied them, yet I say now and I say in all times and I say in all experiences of non-time that I forgive every single one of the people who had ever bullied me. I release all energies which it is now karmically sound as it is karmically lawful, for me to release at this time and at all other appointed experiences of time and non-time. I transmute those released energies into the purity of Natural Law. It took my into my 20’s, but I later realized you all did it not for the pure sick joy of it, but because you were acting out due to your own un-addressed traumas. I hope every single one of you has found and finds all of the healing that it is karmically sound as it is karmically lawful for you to receive and achieve. We create and resolve our own karmas both individually and collectively, and we all deserve the freedom of the resolution that such experiences bring.

Find your Liliths at astro.com under the extended chart selection area, near the bottom in the common elements table, on the left, and the manual entry area to it’s right:

For all Liliths together, enter the following line in the manual entry area and continue -

h12, h13, h58, 1181

Specific Lilith instructions:

For Mean Black Moon Lilith, select “Lilith (Mean)”, under common elements, or if you want all 4 Liliths just enter h12 in the manual entry area.

For True (which is also known as Oscillating) Black Moon Lilith, enter h13 in the manual entry area.

For Dark Moon Lilith, enter h58 in the manual entry area.

For Asteroid Lilith, enter 1181 in the manual entry area.

I remember fondly only one teacher who never treated me like there was something wrong with me due to the bullying (not even in her body language, which people sometimes think they can get away with denying exists), which my friends knew was not instigated by me. If you knew me growing up, remember Mrs. Dennis at Wakefield Elementary? Best teacher ever. I hear bullies are sometimes handled differently now; fairly as teachers are taught to pay attention and actually pretend they care about kids in general, but in the 80’s and early 90’s, especially if you’re different in any way (I’m mixed race), you’re automatically stamped as the one “in the wrong”.

I was hurt knowing the capacity for violence that was buried within me, not realizing at the time of course, since I was a child, that this is a simple survival instinct which all people have. I’m not and have never been the sort of person who enjoys making others feel bad in any way. I was bullied regularly throughout my formal schooling experiences, in every school, for being curious and enthusiastically enjoying learning, and for having emotions. Plus, for the “crime”, of allowing myself to become so emotionally beaten that I would cry in front of other children, thus providing them with more to bully me about. It’s all caused me much sorrow, and confusion about my own sense of self and worth over the years, some of which must have still been buried, as I’m now writing about this at the age of 43. Strange, isn’t it? I’ve talked this stuff over with family, friends and therapists, and gotten support, yet sometimes things keep coming up until we recognize and express specifically and, perhaps, often enough on them.

Thank God/dess for tools like Astrology. Creative pattern recognition; equally an art and a science.

It’s so obvious to me now, but I’ve been downplaying all of that for about a year because of my chart ruler Neptune (in Sagittarius in the 9th) being daydreamy in an emotionally reckless way, causing confusion (probably sub-consciously) so that at times I have mistaken philosophizing for deep inner work. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I come by it honestly; none of that hipster bullshit for me. Chart rulers generally only sprinkle their energy around a chart, but that’s definitely a dollop. I have far to go yet in my spiritual growth, and yet I know that I have all the necessary tools to continue reaching and breaking through myself, freely rebuilding who I am.

Those experiences had also caused me to often seem more introverted than I am, to avoid making people uncomfortable with the (seemingly to them) disparity of who I am as a person, even though I only feel emotionally unstable when people treat me like I’m being dramatic for attention; as if I don’t even know what my own thoughts and emotions are, so they have been sent to me, and are fated to educate me into being their sort of human being, so they can feel comfortable. Some people would prefer that they understand who everyone is automatically and easily, maybe because they don’t think much, and presume that everyone else is basically a carbon copy of them. This comes across as shortsighted and lazy to me.

And I know lazy; I also have Jupiter in the 6th as part of my stellium or to some a, shall we say, thought-of-as-pseudo-stellium. There’s 13° between my Sun and Saturn, plus Jupiter is too erratic to be considered in an old fashioned stellium. It feels like how people describe their stelliums, as it’s 6 placements (including my Moon, though that’s not meant to be part of a stellium as it moves so quickly, and I kind of agree with that one), then in an unbroken Virgo line into the 7th through the Vertex and Mercury.

To sum that up, because there’s 13° instead of a limit of 10° between all of my Virgo 6th placements, people think their fully conjunct, traditional stelliums make them…. Better at having a stellium or something lol? It seems like a case of overthinking on their part. And when even a Virgo suggests someone is overthinking, listen up, cause we’re the “best” at that. Maybe they’re just competitive for whatever reason. My Neptune in Sagittarius is too busy daydreaming and philosophizing to care much at this point, so that doesn’t bring up any of that fiery Sagittarius Sun, Moon or Rising type of competitive drive.

Much love and gratitude to you all for reading, and to Lilith and Pluto for the true gifts of who they really are and all they do.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Kou Dark [08]

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

ー The scene starts in the Ghouls’ manor

???: ーー Kino. We got our hands on some new information, you see...

Kino: Hm? Yes, Yuuri? 

Yuuri: It would seem that one of the Mukami brothers, Kou-san, has made his way to the Sakamaki Castle. 

Kino: Hmー I wonder what Mr. Idol is doing over there? 

Yuuri: I have yet to get the full details on that matter. 

However, it would appear that Kou-san is particularly close to Subaru-san. 

Kino: I see. So they’re pals, huh? Fufu. I might be able to do something interesting with that.

Yuuri: Something interesting, you say?

Kino: I mean, Eve is currently dating Mr. Idol as well. 

So if I play my cards right, I might just be able to get my hands on both Eve and Father’s powers...Fufu.

ー The scene shifts to the balcony of the Sakamaki Castle

Kou: ...Haah.

( I stepped out for a bit because I could feel myself slowly losing my temper. )

( But I still have plenty to discuss with Subaru-kun, so I should head back soon. )

Still, they’re all just too cruel...

( I can’t believe they’d speak about Karlheinz-sama in such a way... )

Monologue

I had noticed this in the past as well,

but their attitude towards Karlheinz-sama,

is simply unacceptable. 

I can more or less tell,

that the situation is more complicated than it might seem,

but to me, they’re blessed just to have their biological parent still. 

Anyway, I wanted to believe,

that he is not actually that bad of a person,

as those brothers make him out to be. 

ーー However,

at the same time I also felt frustrated.

Because I believe that,

I think so highly of Karlheinz-sama,

exactly because he is not my real dad.

No matter how hard any of us might try,

in the end, we’re nothing but strangers,

with no real biological connection.

No matter what happens,

I won’t be able to get that out of my mind.

...So in the end,

I cannot help but feel somewhat envious,

of those brothers for having people they are actually related to.

Kou: ...However, I can’t ask for much more, can I?

( I mean, I already have Yui... )

( That makes me plenty happy already... )

Subaru: ーー You! Where the fuck did you come from!?

Kou: Hm? This voice...

( That was Subaru-kun, wasn’t it? He seems to be having an argument with someone...? )

ー Kou rushes back inside and finds Subaru in the entrance hall

Kou: ( The guy standing with his back facing this way...That’s definitely Subaru-kun...! )

Eh...?

ー He spots yet another person

Kou: ( Could that guy be the one Reiji-kun mentioned earlier? )

H-Hey...Are you...?

Kino: Hey there, Kou! Nice to meet you! The name’s Kino!

Kou: ( ...I knew it! )

( ...Oh no. This is a pretty sticky situation, isn’t it...? )

ー The scene shifts to the big hall at Eden

Yui: ...Haah...

( I figured I could try and distract myself for a bit. )

( But before I know it, my mind drifts back to Kou-kun. )

Ruki: How long are you going to keep on worrying?

Yui: Ruki-kun...

Ruki: They say that every time you sigh, a little bit of happiness slips away.

Let’s have some faith in Kou.

Yui: Eh...?

Selection

→ How can you tell? (❦)

Yui: How could you tell that I was thinking of Kou-kun?

Ruki: It’s written all over your face.

That you’re worried about him, at least.

Yui: ...I see. 

→ T-That’s not it... 

Yui: T-That’s not it. I’m not thinking about Kou-kun or anything...

Ruki: Then what is making you sigh like that?

If it’s an issue unrelated to Kou, try talking about it to me.

Yui: ...I-I’m sorry. Just like you said, I was thinking of Kou-kun.

Yui: ( How embarrassing. I can’t believe Ruki-kun saw right through me... )

Ruki: Rest assured. He has become almost an entirely different person since he met you. 

Yui: Ruki-kun...

( ...He’s right. Kou-kun can sympathize with others now. )

( I’m sure he can meet Subaru-kun in his current state... )

Ruki: ...It’s almost as if Karlheinz-sama himself lead you towards Kou.

Yui: Eh...?

Ruki: No, I am simply talking nonsense. Nevermind.

ー Ruki walks away

Monologue

The words Ruki-kun left behind as he left,

spontaneously warmed my heart.

There was once a time,

where Ruki-kun was insistent on returning me to the Sakamakis,

because the four of them could not become Adam. 

However, now he has come to support (応援),

the two of us.

As well as the fact that we are a couple (恋人).

I am sure that if Kou-kun were to hear those words,

he’d throw both arms into the air and rejoice. 

I cannot wait to tell him. 

While gazing at the full moon floating in the night sky,

I thought of Kou-kun,

who is now underneath the same sky. 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[depressedhatakekakashi]

I'm in a bit of a rage. Therefore, what do you think would be the top 5 things that royally piss Kakashi off in GOS. And also, most rage inducing moments for Gai.

(I need to feel not alone in my all consuming fury)

Thank you for your time. Please have a cookie.

Do i need to fight someone for you? I’ll fight someone for you!

Ok, moments of pure, Unrestrained rage. Hmmm this is fun

Hatake Kakashi

We have obviously spoken of this before, but Gai’s first death causes such a break in Kakashi that he actually floods the world. Hashirama and Mito are scrambling to save mortals with the help of the other gods (though some gods are actively pushing mortals straight into danger, Like Hidan)

Second moment we have is of course Kakashi flooding the rich noble’s house after Soldier Gai’s death. It may seem like it’s just about Gai’s death, but it’s a whole lot of needless death Kakashi see’s that’s based off of greed and it infuriates him.

Kakashi would also hVe a moment of unrestrained, deadly rage, if anyone were to put any of his kids into danger. It’s part of why he’s given Leeway with turning Hiroki into a god. The options were ‘new god’ or ‘new flood’ and Hashirama will happily take the new god. There’s also an instance where one of the other gods could threaten or scare Nakano (orochimaru, Danzo, Hidan, Kakuzu) and would find themselves face to face with the god of storms ready to send them down to the depths of the underworld to keep his brother company. He does not care who they are or how strong they are, do not threaten or scare his daughter (he’s a girl dad)

During Gai’s teacher lifetime there was actually an attack on the village and a lot of people were burned. Needless to say the village already kinda knew the weird farmer Gai was dating was a god, but that god came out full force to wash those attackers away when he realized the village was under attack. It was storms for day’s and the only one’s who weren’t scared were the people from that little village because they knew Kakashi was protecting them.

He has most definitely lost his temper on Orochimaru a few times because they have a habit of trying to use Sasuke, and even though Kakashi and Sasuke have a rather strained bond Kakashi is still very protective of the kid he saved and turned into a god. He hates Kakuzu more than anyone but Orochimaru is a clear second.

Maito Gai

Once again the obvious moment when Kakashi dies in his mortal life. Gai’s rage was so raw that the dragon almost burst to life completely, and might have if Nakano hadn’t pulled up and tackle hugged her papa. Part of her reaction was to protect the village people and the gods themselves, but she also understood how her papa was feeling since she’d felt the same way when Kakashi died as a god.

There was definitely a moment as a dragon when his village was attacked that Gai felt a powerful protective rage that resulted in him burning down an army and flying all the way to the other village to burn their buildings down. Very good reason for people to not risk attacking that little village again.

As a mortal Gai once felt that sheer rage when he went to relax by the river only to find that all of the flower’s that grew by the riverside in the spring and summer had been torn up. He’s not sure why the destruction of those flower’s angered him so much, but it did and he spent weeks trying to find any seeds he could to regrow those flowers (and gathered a bunch of helpers in the cause)

During his prince lifetime he actually felt angry toward Kakashi for a short while. When he realized that Kakashi was no longer visiting him after his wedding he felt betrayed, abandoned and angry. He wondered if he had ever really meant anything to Kakashi. It’s only when he goes to the river and finds out the god of storms name from his wife that he realizes why Kakashi stopped visiting and lets go of that anger. He was grumpy for a week before that though.

[thessalian]

Faerun!Alisaie vs The Trouble With Wyll

Approaching Karlach's hiding place

Karlach: Oh fuck you brought company.

Wyll: Die, you--

Mind-Sharing Thing: *happens*

Alisaie: ...Wait. Hang on. You're ... you weren't in this of your own will. You're not a devil; you're a tiefling that someone crammed a damn hell engine into. Wyll, why the fuck--?

Wyll: ...Oh by the gods, I still have to do this!

Alisaie: So ... no. Wyll. Seriously. She's just another refugee - like the ones you were helping protect at the Emerald Grove. Just in a way worse situation than the rest of them, because forced into war and also saddled with a hell-engine! Since when does the Blade of the Frontiers murder refugees?

Wyll: ...Oh ... fuck. I'm going to pay for this...

Alisaie: Wait ... so ... you were serious about having sworn your good eye that you'd kill her?

Wyll: ...Gods preserve me, I'll probably keep the eye. This is just going to be ... worse.

Karlach: So ... there's some paladins who aren't going to be as easy to talk out of shit as Wyll seems to be and I really want you to help me deal with them.

Alisaie: Oh, this is going to be a daaaaaaaaaay ... Shadowheart, go back to camp for a bit; you probably don't need to be getting any bad attention from religious types.

Shadowheart: ...Fine. Call me when you've rediscovered your good taste in company.

Several killed paladins of Torm later

Karlach: Right. That's them dealt with. I WILL NOT BE HUNTED ANYMORE!

Alisaie: Um ... yeah, no, and anyone who tries is getting my blade through their face, so--

Karlach: *goes into a massive rage-frenzy, accidentally burns Gale, destroys the ladder down from their current location, and then smashes up the tavern*

Alisaie: ...None of you ever gets to tell me I have a temper again. HEY KARLACH! I THINK I KNOW A GUY IN THE GROVE WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO FIX THAT ENGINE OF YOURS.

Karlach: *apparently feeling better* Sweet!

And, back at camp...

Alisaie: Why is there a portal to hell opening up in our camp, Wyll?!?

Wyll: Oh fuck.

Mizora: *comes out of portal* Oh, Wyll. You've been naughty.

Alisaie: Okay, first - points for the entrance; that was epic. Second - who the fuck are you, why are you in my camp, and why are you talking to your friend with more condescension than I do my actual literal dog?

Mizora: Oh, you didn't tell them about me? I'm hurt.

Alisaie: *who is far and away from stupid* You're a warlock, this is your patron, and she asked you to kill Karlach and you didn't.

Wyll: She invalidated the terms! Only devils, she said!

Mizora: I did add "the heartless", Wyll.

Alisaie: Oh, fuck, you used the "she has a hell engine where her heart used to be" loophole, didn't you.

Mizora: And now he pays for it.

Wyll: *very painfully becomes a devil or a tiefling or something, I dunno*

Mizora: There we go. I know you promised the eye, but the pact still stands and you're going to need to see to hunt. Buh-bye! *exits*

The Entire Camp: .................

Alisaie: I will ask about this after I recover from fights with paladins.

Except sleep gets slightly interrupted by a hovering Astarion

Alisaie: *grabs him by the throat* Lemme guess. The boar with the puncture wounds and no blood left in it was your work, and I'm next.

Astarion: Look, the boar was days ago and I'm too weak to hunt and I just wanted a sip to let me hunt again! I wasn't going to kill you; I--

Alisaie: Unless you lost control completely at your first taste of blood that wasn't from animals or vermin in a couple of hundred years and yes I know I'm rummaging around your head tadpole-to-tadpole and I don't like it but you tried to bite me in my sleep and I need to be sure you're not fucking lying to me. Which you're not, so ... a sip. One. And I will have a stake on you at all times.

Astarion: Wonderful! Let's make ourselves more comfortable, shall we?

Alisaie: There are major arteries in my wrists, Astarion.

Astarion: And I might nick something tendon-like if I do that. I'm not crippling someone who fights in my defense. Neck tends to be better.

Alisaie: I'd suggest inner thighs for the femoral artery, but I'm not sure you'd know what to do with a woman down there anyway.

Astarion: .........You are determined to take the fun out of this for me, aren't you.

Alisaie: I don't want you enjoying this too much; I said once.

Astarion: Fine. You grudge me a little bit of blood while you give Gale useful items that he then drains the magic from. At least your blood comes back.

Alisaie: Can we just get on with this? And after this, you save your fangs for anyone we're fighting, got it?

Astarion: So long as you don't let anyone stake me when word about this gets around, fine.

Morning arrives

Alisaie: Okay, I have gathered you all here because I keep tripping over everyone else's metaphorical baggage. I get not trusting people you've just met, so if your baggage hasn't become an issue for the entire party yet, fine. But the minute your metaphorical Bags of Holding full of angst and problematic start becoming public knowledge, I want it all out in the open. Do you understand?

The Entire Party: *various degrees of grumbling*

Alisaie: ...Or I could just spend the rest of this month tripping over bullshit. Yeah, okay, fine.

And, true to form, at Waukeen's Rest...

Flaming Fists: Duke Ravengard is trapped inside!

Wyll: Father's in there?!?

Karlach; Gale: Father?!?

Alisaie: *facepalm* Oh godsdamnit, Wyll...

Wyll: He disowned me ages ago! I wasn't planning on seeing him again, given... *gestures at new horns* I didn't think we'd see him here, in the middle of a drow raid!

Councillor: Well, you're not going to, because the drow took him, but if you could get me out of the burning building, that'd be great.

Alisaie: Yeah, sorry; just having one of those "I was trying to do an altruistic thing and ended up hip deep in a friend's personal bullshit" days. Weeks. Whatever. Apparently Team Dangerous Company just continues to be dangerous on a whole lot of levels! *kicks down door to Waukeen's Rest* Come on; out before you become a briquette.

Karlach: I'm glad most of my bullshit is pretty much on the table, I think. I pity the next person who has to admit to not being straight with her.

Gale: Yes. Indeed. Um ... now's a bad time to mention that I need to absorb another artefact, isn't it.

Alisaie: Ohforfuckssake...

[gatorkid509]

Did some doodles of Meat Sweats 2 days ago in my sketchbook, as well as concept sketches for his very own Cloaking Brooch( He just wants his life back!!) I like the idea of the brooch as a clip or buckle that attracts to his scarf, I tried to make one of them shaped like a pig's snoot, but I thought that the gemstones being in the place of the nostrils was too weird, so I changed it to a diamond/star sparkle shape and one that was inspired by @forceway brooch design for their drawing of Meat Sweats human form.

As for why I drew Meat Sweats with big old ears. It's actually because real-life domestic pigs have pretty big ears and find it a bit confusing that M.S. had small piggy ears, then I thought " Why not draw and see how Meat Sweats would look with big ears?" And while the big old ears look great on him, especially with the flopped ear, it does make the top of his head look busy due to his tiny hat.

And yes, I gave Meat Sweats his hair back in the second Drawing!!!!! I always thought it was odd that he lost his hair when he mutated. And while you can argue that domestic pigs are hairless and therefore Meat Sweats losing his hair was inevitable when he mutated. How come Warren and Repo keep theirs when they also mutated into hairless creatures? I guess you could argue that M.S.' red hair would make him the stereotypical red-haired villain once he became a villain( Though the show does depict him as a stereotypical angry short-tempered red-head) but that's kinda a stretch( Actually if you want a full in-depth look at how Red Headsince are seen on-screen, TheTake made an amazing video about it

)

Anyways, I just wanted to do my take on how M.S. would look if he kept his hair if he mutated.

Cherry.Cro on Twitter made amazing artwork of M.S. with his hair, and it looks AMAZING!!!!!!

I did primarily based mine off of theirs, but I did make his beard a bit more detailed as that's how it appears in the Flashback of " Donnie's Gifts", and because his scarf covers his whole entire neck.( And I just noticed they made his eyebrows red in just that shot, probably an animation error)

Actually now that I've noticed it, his human design does look a bit more different in " Donnie's Gift" than in " Cloak and Swaggart", and not just the scarf. It's quite possible that because they needed the human design for the latter episode they decided to refine the design a bit.

And yeah, I did change his face shape a little, I like his actual face shape, but it makes his face feel too thin, so I altered the face shape a bit.

And while I love his cute little piggy nose, man was it surprisingly hard to draw, no idea why thought, it's basically an upside-down heart with 2 loops for nostrils, WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DRAW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

( And please ignore the stray eraser shaving on the first Meat Sweats, I swear I thought I wiped them all of before I took the picture)

[primusfortuna]

Feld ⟡ Wonder Tea Party (05)

[01] [02] [03] [04] [XX] [06] [07]

“Reasons To Be Angry”

Young Flamingo Man: From today onwards, I’m a new man. So—

Young Flamingo Man: Give me another chance!

Feld, Oscar & Emma: Wha…!? / Oh? / Huh!?

Feld: Enough with your impulsive nonsense!

Young Flamingo Man: I’m not being impulsive! I genuinely fell in love with her after our time together today.

Feld: “G-Genuinely”? That is all the more disgraceful! You are completely, utterly unforgivable...!

Emma: I’m really sorry, but my feelings haven’t changed.

Young Flamingo Man: W-Wait! I swear I’ll make you happy! I know... I’ll buy us a huge mansion in the lost woods!

Young Flamingo Man: I’ll arrange a carriage made out of a giant apple! Then I’ll employ, like, ten mice maids!

Feld: And where will you get the funds for this?

Young Flamingo Man: W-Well...

Flamingo Gentleman: Look at me all you like. I won’t give you one bit.

Young Flamingo Man: Ah...

Feld: What did I tell you!? You came in here announcing you had a change of heart, but already you’re falling back on someone else again!!

Feld: And what I cannot forgive above all else... is that you thought you could ever win over Mis—no, my sister...!!

Feld: She stands here as someone who devotes all of her efforts to dreams and to the people, every day of her life.

Feld: You could never tempt her with your extravagant splurges! How dare you demean her like that!!

Emma: (Feld...)

Feld: Ahh... The heat of my fury is driving me mad! Let me burn this spoiled brat to cinders, now...!!

Emma: Umm, calm down, Oniichan!

Feld: How could I calm down!? And Oscar, add something! Why are you staying quiet!?

Oscar: You’re carrying my anger for me.

Oscar: Also, our sister is not so weak that she needs two of us to defend her. However——

Elegantly setting down his silverware, Oscar turns to face the young flamingo.

Oscar: While not as quick as Feld’s, I hope you know I have a temper myself.

Oscar: If you subject me to any more of your nonsense, I will be forced to pick up my napkin.

Oscar: As it happens, I’m quite interested in the taste of barbecued flamingo.

Young Flamingo Man: E-Eek~!!

The young man frantically opens a nearby window and slips outside.

Feld: ...Oi, Oscar. You weren’t serious about wanting to eat him, were you?

Oscar: Of course it was a joke. Even I have my limits when it comes to food.

Emma: You were so intense there, I almost fell for it for a second.

Flamingo Gentleman: I am terribly embarrassed this keeps happening, but I pray my grandson learns his lesson this time.

Emma: I hope so. This was all the help we could give you, so I’ll pray things improve.

Emma: (I was so surprised he actually tried to woo me...)

Emma: (The way Feld and Oscar-san got angry on my behalf made me really happy.)

——She stands here as someone who devotes all of her efforts to dreams and to the people, every day of her life.

Feld’s angered words keep resounding over and over in my ears.

← Prev �� Next →

[moriartyluver]

alright now that I’ve been reassured that rambling here is okay, ur not gonna hear the end of me hehe

back to fl being the embodiment of ‘the man’, im gonna do a silly little lyric analysis.

“they’d say I played the field before I found someone to commit to” - i feel like fl would feel very trapped and stuff bc of marriage and how everyone criticised her high standards, even her parents who love her a lot. (also kinda basing some of these in the og version I found on quotev yesterday) and how she got so pissed that she burnt her parents letter about marriage.

“every conquest I had made would make me more of a boss to you”- HER WPRRY BEING THAT THE MORIARTY TEAM MUGHT NOT SEE HER AS KMPORTANT AS LIAM EVEN THO SHES JUST AS SMART IF NOT SMARTER. i can imagine moran or something not obeying a command and she just yells at him that she is his superior just as much as William is and everyone’s kinda surprised bc she lost her temper.

“When everyone believes ya What's that like? I'm so sick of running as fast as I can Wondering if I'd get there quicker If I was a man”- her whole little rivalry with William kinda being rooted in the fact that nobody views her accomplishments as big as his. in the og, she got that award or something but nobody cares as much as they did abt Liam’s award. i think she mainly hates him b cause to her, he represents how men are seen as superior in Victorian society

“They'd say I hustled Put in the work They wouldn't shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve What I was wearing If I was rude Could all be separated from my good ideas and power moves?“- again with the whole worry thing. Also the third line makes me think of the old male nobles gossiping abt fl and saying she probably only got a degree through bad stuff (I can totally see a rumour that she slept with a professor or something for good grades even tho the only Professor she’d ever sleep with would be William-) I feel like they might also make fun of her cultural clothes or slutshame her even if she were being modest bc the nobles are all jealous cows

“What's it like to brag about Raking in dollars And getting bitches and models And it's all good if you're bad And it's okay if you're mad If I was out flashing my dollars I'd be a bitch, not a baller They paint me out to be bad So it's okay that I'm mad”- she’s really rich but if she tried to flaunt but not actually flaunt her wealth. If she were a man, she’d be a successful businessman but she gets treated like a spoiled princess type instead.

honestly fl is giving me medea vibes but less cruel

-🦢

BRO I LOVE MEDEA SM. SUCH A GIRL BOSS ARGH. ALSO THIS ANALYSIS IS SO GOOD 😭 TRHNK U FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DO THIS

Her getting mad and losing her temper because of her insecurities or being disrespected is soo real. I might just steal that idea idk.

Forgot to delete the og of quotev bc I’ve not checked quotev in agessss but I might just leave it up until I can be bothered to rework it. I hated the original tho cus the pacing was all messed up and alot of the backstory that I was anger to add kept getting missed out so I’m trying to make the rework better now lol

Tbh I don’t think they’d directly make fun of her bc from what I understand is that in Victorian society, wealth still meant a lot and if fl was the daughter of a grand duke and had literal ties to the Queen, they wouldn’t dare say anything to her face and if a rumour like that got found out, they’d probably find a scapegoat to blame the rumour on (probably a fallen noble or something) I can see them being a bit xenophobic to her too because people of colour, although they were in high society, they never were as recognised and treated as well as white British nobles.

[intro-blog]

I've been curiously exposed to a few interactions with plots about movie writers. writers. screen writers. Is it a sign? I don't believe in coincidences. To me, everything happens for a reason. Like the script is being written every breath I take. As if the universe already thought of my life, me breathing and being alive is equivalent to the pen hitting the paper. The fingers click clacking away at a typewriter, keyboard, touch screen. Every minute, from the conscious decisions, to the uncontrollable factors... it's all meant to happen. From the glorious moments, to the painful lessons. From feeling euphoric to feeling my heart rip slowly in two.

Just as I'm writing this... Tony Soprano is talking about not having control over his son knowing he's a mob boss. Implying he was born into it. He gets asked by Dr.Melfi, "Genetic predispositions are only that, predispositions. It's not a destiny written in stone. People have choices. [...] You think that everything that happens is preordained? You don't think that human beings possess free will?" To which Tony asks why he isn't making pots in Peru. Not long ago I saw a video of an arrogant Christian preacher who preys on college students to make himself feel important. At least that's the feeling I get from those videos. A young man not intending to disrespect him told him, "You're only Christian because you were brought up here" This got Mr.Cliffe so upset. He lost his temper, and told the young man he was stupid to assume that. Uhm, so if Tony Soprano would've been born in Peru, would he have still had the opportunity to be raised surrounded by made-men? That's a bit of a stretch. Yes there were Irish, Jews, and even Blacks that were trusted as affiliates of the Mafia... but none actual members. Given that power that Tony seems to be having a problem with his own children seeing. Just like he saw with his father.

So now I ask myself. Was I really meant to live what I have lived? I think so. Do I have control of where I direct my life? To a certain degree I do. I can put in the effort to try to make something happen. Only my surroundings and the time added to that effort can determine if said things will happen. There is a supreme God who sees all. Who controls all. Who allows all to happen. There must be an entity overseeing it all. The poverty, the violence which is a byproduct of people trying to cut corners to get rich fast.

Wow. Yet another scene on a different show where a script/writers is mentioned. What is the universe trying to tell me? To write? To leave a story behind? Perhaps. Perhaps if I continue to write I will find my calling. My answer. My purpose. All the characters so far I've seen on these films are writers who do not end up being successful. Either kill themselves, or engage in risky behaviors. Yet everyone he speaks to when asking for advice is giving him the best suggestions possible.

Uncle Tony angrily tries to wonder what's wrong with Chris, his nephew. "Do you ever think about... You know... [puts a finger gun into to his mouth]" Chris replies, "FUCK NO" "Imagine those fucking losers blowing their brains all over the bathroom."

I have a feeling I should do what Tone Soprano is doing. (I had a bud from High School named Tone Snively, he was a former Jehovah's Witness that was derailing from his social life. Thought of him just now.) Tony Soprano has a thing with wanting to be accepted by his mother. Yet, the whole time she has everything against him. She won't accept him for who he is. And this breaks him. Every little thing she knows about him, she shares with his uncle and breaks his trust. My mother has been breaking my trust. She tells my uncle not only what I tell her. But also what I don't... what I do comes out of her mouth with ease. Tony stopped trusting his mother. I always confided in her. Little did I know that made me a weak man. My arc has flourished, I'm growing a magic bean and reaching to the sky. Climbing on my own is my calling.

I just found it. I found the calling that I was looking for. To be a man. To stop sucking on mom's emotional tit. To live my own life. To no longer confide in her like she raised you to. To grow your own veggies, to raise your own cows. To do things on your own. It's your turn. I just can't help it. Writing is saving me. Writing is helping me grow. I miss her so much. I decided to cut her off for little over the last forty days out of one whole year. I must not be weak. I must be a man. I will be a man. I am a man.

[knarme-stray]

Hear me out on some funny dreams...

I was in my childhood homeyard, doing the type of thing I'd usually do there as a kid, even tho I was my real age in it. Meaning, I was checking out some bugs and lizards.

Donald Trump was there for some reason. He was kind of lost (I mean yea, what are you doing in deep in Eastern Finland countryside exactly?). He was using my childhood home to hide from something...

He was not sure about where my loyalties lie. I could sense his short temper and that he wasn't far from nefarious decisions there! I was on my own. So I figured I needed to confuse him for a bit. I rambled at him autistically about the bugs.. He was annoyed but speechless.

Then some nonbinary person who was my friend, and also a person this dream made up from scratch, appeared and whispered to me...

"We got him. It's time!"

They tackled him to the ground by surprise, and I got ropes and we tied him the fuck up! I was in disbelief... Because I had not believed in our strength and capacity this much. But here we were doing it, capturing Trump, we were WINNING.

Then we magically shrunk him into a tiny guy.

I put him in a glass jar, lid tightly shut. Poured some honey on him so he'd get stuck there. Had a sharp pencil in my hand, and I and the friend were wondering if I should just impale his skull with the pencil and we'd be done, or if there was someone we should transfer him to, for his sentencing or whatever...

Then I awakened to a sadder reality where I just didn't have the power tho shrink powerful fascists into bugs I put in jars. :/

The dream felt empowering af... Like, actually being able to shrink rising fascism into a bug-sized squashable thing. It felt reassuring, like there is hope.

I myself am not from US. I'm from Finland and our new goverment is the most violently fascist we've ever seen. I've gone to two different protests already and joined several political organizations opposing it, - we quite literally want to end this government before it gets to work. Their plans are public and they are horrible. The whole country protests.

Over half of this country does not accept their racism, xenophobia, ableism or classism. Over half of us don't want this. It's a historical turning point we're living now. If we lose, we're doomed to years of misery and horror. If we win, we're securing the future of Finland as a country that values and respects humanity.

Perhaps my dream could've been a little more accurate by throwing our own fash in it instead of Trump, - but perhaps Trump was there to personify something both Americans and Europeans are familiar with... Imo the fascism looks very much the same for us both.

Very important takeaway from the dream;

- Feeling disbelief as we tied up Trump

- ...But you know, we DID tie him and shrink and capture him!

-> Just know what you're doing, do what you know works and execute it.

-> Measure your possibilities. Find organizations and organizers that are already doing work to end the injustices, - and join them if you can.

-> Exercise good communication skills to keep talking to your less radical family etc. about why they should partake in active antifascism. Dialectical materialism works, appeal to their self-interest to make them see that all our struggles are interconnected, and that tomorrow it could be their rights in the chopping block.

-> Don't isolate from community. You are not in this alone. Don't let the pressure crush your action. Any and all action matters.

-> Those who have power now, are not gods. Their power can be taken from them, bit by bit. Even if we don't see end of capitalism, (neo)colonialism etc. in our lifetimes, we can always reduce and repair as much damage as we can, and that will be life-changing to a huge number of people, perhaps yourself too. Any life improved or saved is good.

[eleanor-bradstreet]

Sitting here, listening to the song on repeat, feeling so many feelings. There absolutely is a whole story written into these lyrics and for you to weave that together with a Benedict love story is just *chefs kiss* for my angsty little heart.

Would it surprise you to learn that I am also a big fan of apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic stories? I guess that naturally goes hand-in-hand with angst and whump, when your life is reduced down to basic survival at every moment. And the message of all these stories tends to be: at the end, all that matters is love. Human connection. When the world crumbles around us, all we have is each other, and the only thing we can avoid losing are the feelings we hold inside. The tenor of your story captures this perfectly. Where does your mind go when everything else falls away? It goes to love. What do you want to see when you think you’re in your final moments? Someone you love. And for that to be Benedict…...my bones hurt because I love it so much.

You have been so generous with your feedback to me, so allow me to reciprocate. This is a masterpiece in its entirety, but for the sake of clarity I’m going to sequentially call out my favorite bits:

First, the graphic. Did you make this??? It’s gorgeous!

“What you didn’t anticipate was what forever would feel like without him.” Ooof. Isn’t this just how we all feel without our own Benedicts at home? 😉 Already we can see Reader took some action, perhaps impulsively, to end their relationship. Sounds like true feelings weren’t addressed. You’ve laid out a mystery here. What was she thinking, and why hasn’t she course-corrected for over a year? Also a bit of foreshadowing. She’s already depressed contemplating a ‘normal’ forever without him because they are separated, but in just a moment she will be facing the possibility of a forever where he’s no longer alive. Ouch. 

Love the use of oversized couch, oversized sweatshirt (perhaps orange?), overfilled wine glass. Perfect imagery to show how she is burying herself in creature comforts to avoid addressing her feelings. Something we can all relate to.

Uggggghhhh the officer 😭 Kind eyes, authoritative tone, committed to duty, concerned for your safety, you would have liked him in another situation, his dying action is to protect you… Have I assigned this man a face in my mind? Yes. Am I fairly certain you intended it to be that guy? Yes. 💔 Fucking hell I’m already hurt.

“If the world hadn’t lost a precious light in its ever dimming landscape.” The evocative beauty of this. Benedict is nothing if not a precious light, and a light in the landscapes he so adores capturing. This sentence is absolute perfection.

“the heated arguments that he cared enough to start with you” This cut me deep. This is so true of genuinely passionate relationships. The ones that stand out amongst the mediocrity.

“If the love he felt for you didn’t inspire him, then the pain you provoked surely would. Anything that brought him joy, anything that broke his heart or enraged his temper, he wanted to share it all with you.” Gaaaaahhhh our artistic boy loves with his whole heart. Unquestionably. When he is devoted, it’s forever, and he will channel everything, even pain, into his work and into his motivation to carry on. Even if he despairs of ever having you again. So quintessentially Benedict. 

“There was only you and him, and a cold, flat countertop that was begging to have you pressed into it while he ravished every inch of you.” *fans self* pass my smelling salts please 🥵

“the sight of you huddled on the floor of the tub almost brought him to his knees, but it was the gunshot that actually did the job…” THIS is when I gasp-shouted so loud Mr. Bradstreet came to check on my wellbeing. THE SUSPENSE! THE DRAMA! I was terrified to read onward, each sentence making me wonder if you’d really go there. If you’d write in a most fatal mistake (which I would love you for regardless). Holy hell, edge of my seat. Thank god she was barely looking and missed.

It’s not mentioned, but I can’t stop thinking about the fact that Reader is wearing his sweatshirt, and how he might have felt upon seeing that. If it keyed him into the fact that she missed him just as much as he missed her. Absolutely beautiful.

“I don’t want you to die” THIS is when I fully broke. The volumes this speaks, that Reader doesn’t care about her own life, she just doesn’t want him to suffer. She cannot imagine a world without him. She would die 1000 times if it meant he could live. The depth of that love, and how it poured out of her raw in a moment of terror. You’d expect anyone in this situation to cry out that they don’t want to die, but this subverts that. Her thoughts are only of him. I can’t handle this…

“Don’t… Don’t do that. Don’t tell me goodbye.” Our eternal optimist. Our romantic boy, so full of hope. So full of love he can’t even articulate it. I’m imploding at this point.

‘“I love you so much. The immensity of it terrifies me.” You knew exactly what he meant. It was the whole reason you pushed him away in the first place.’ And THERE it is - mystery solved! Reader ended this indescribably powerful relationship for just that reason. It was too perfect, too all consuming, a tide too strong to contend with. She was bowled over by the intensity of it, so she ran. Convinced she wasn’t strong enough to lean into it, convinced she wasn’t good enough for such a man. But of course the answer was to give into those feelings together. My heart is in tatters.

And then the ending - the impenetrable hope he gives her, the happiness they are able to find by just being in each other’s presence even as they are surrounded by horror and doom. The fact that she is thinking of marriage in a world where all social constructs have shattered. But it wouldn’t matter if they just stood amidst the wreckage and said vows to each other alone. It would be true, it would be real. And the ambiguity of it. This isn’t like the music video for the song where an asteroid is approaching and doom is guaranteed. This seems to be a military siege (assuming aliens aren’t involved 😜) so who knows? They very well could survive into the morning in a world entirely redefined, and have to chart a new life forward, but it would be okay because they would be together. And if not, they are happy in these final moments, committed to each other, wrapped in the warmth of true love which is the best way to go out any of us could hope for. Fuck I love it, I love it, I love it.

All this to say, a breathless bravo to you. This is exceptional. Be proud of yourself! You have given me such bone deep introspection and satisfaction and delicious angst. I would love to read anything else that you are inspired to write. My goodness, thank you for a wonderful ride. 💙

If The World Was Ending

Parings: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader

Summary: Modern AU - Inspired by a song with the same name. What would you do if you thought the world was ending? Who would you seek?

Warnings: Angst and Heavy Emotions, Violence, Blood, Explosions, Gunfire, Implied Sexual Content, Whump

Word Count: 3.5K

A note from the author: This is my first dalliance into the Bridgerton world so please be gentle with me haha. I’ve been on a long writing hiatus but I felt motivated and inspired by so many of the kind, talented writers in this fandom. A big thank you to @angels17324 for the beta read. I hope it didn’t make you too anxious lol. This fic was inspired by the lyrics of the song with the same name. I definitely recommend giving it a listen before reading so you can get the complete feels. I will link it here: https://youtu.be/1jO2wSpAoxA

_______________________________________________

The day was ordinary. There was absolutely nothing remarkable about it. In fact, you thought to yourself, it was bordering on the mundane. It was the same as every other day without him. 

It had been over a year now. The misery wasn’t as raw anymore. You had become a master in the art of distracting yourself. The long, lonely nights faded into the background and you settled into a merciful numbness. 

Every day, you remind yourself that this decision was your own. At the time, you were sure that this was what was best for the both of you. You were on different paths. You were from different worlds. Even when you first let yourself love him, you knew you weren’t meant for forever. And that was fine… What you didn’t anticipate was what forever would feel like without him.

Keep reading

[fannish-karmiya]

Wei Wuxian’s Position in the Jiang Household

Fandom tends to mischaracterise Wei Wuxian’s position in the Jiang family greatly. A lot of people project more modern ideas about adoption onto his relationship with the Jiang siblings, and write as if he really is their sibling and only Yu Ziyuan’s abusive nature gets in the way of their bond.

This strikes me as a bit misguided. While adoption was practised in ancient China, it was mainly for the purpose of obtaining a male heir in the absence of one, or obtaining more daughters to marry off for alliances. Jiang Fengmian had no reason to adopt Wei Wuxian into the main family, and he didn’t. Wei Wuxian’s position in the household is far more nebulous than that, and honestly it’s hard to find an exact corollary, in Chinese history or in any culture, precisely because it was so messy and ill-defined.

A Companion to Upper Class Children

Wei Wuxian is the son of a servant of Yunmeng Jiang; it’s notable that Wei Changze is always referred to this way, rather than as a disciple. Wei Changze wound up leaving the sect in order to marry Cangse Sanren, and Jiang Fengmian considered them dear enough friends that when he heard they passed away, he spent years searching for their orphaned son. He wound up finding Wei Wuxian on the streets of Yiling and brought him home as his ward.

Wei WuXian was taken home by Jiang FengMian when he was nine.

Most memories from back then were already blurred. Yet, Jin Ling’s mother, Jiang YanLi, remembered all of them, and even told him quite a few.

She said that, after his father heard of the news that his parents both died in battle, he had always dedicated himself to finding the child that these past friends had left behind. After searching for a while, he finally found the child in Yiling.

(Chapter 24, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear from the start that beyond this sense of obligation to his old friends, Jiang Fengmian also had a role set out for Wei Wuxian: he wanted him to be a companion to his children, and Jiang Cheng in particular.

He encourages a friendship between them, insisting on a sleepover between the two a week into Wei Wuxian’s stay.

On the second day, Jiang Cheng’s puppies were given to someone else.

This angered Jiang Cheng so much that he threw a big tantrum. No matter how much Jiang FengMian comforted him gently, telling him that they should ‘be good friends’, he refused to talk to Wei WuXian. Quite a few days later, Jiang Cheng’s attitude softened. Jiang FengMian wanted to strike while the iron was still hot, so he told Wei WuXian to sleep in the same room as him, hoping that they’d grow fonder of each other.

[...]

That night, Jiang Cheng locked Wei WuXian outside his room, refusing to let him in.

[...]

Wei WuXian waited outside for a long time. When the door opened, before the joy could spread onto his face, he was bombarded with a pile of things being thrown out. The door banged shut again.

Jiang Cheng told him from inside, “Go sleep somewhere else! This is my room! You’re even gonna steal my room?!”

[...]

Standing outside, as Wei WuXian heard that dogs would come bite him, fear immediately bubbled within him. Twisting his fingers, he hurried, “I’ll go, I’ll go. Don’t call the dogs!”

Dragging behind him the sheets and blanket that were thrown outside, he ran out the hall. Having only arrived at Lotus Pier for a short period of time, he didn’t dare jump around yet. Every day, he obediently holed up in the places that Jiang FengMian told him to stay at. He didn’t even know where his room was, much less have the courage to knock on other people’s doors, scared that it’d disturb someone’s dreams.

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

After Jiang Cheng is worried about getting in trouble, he goes to Jiang Yanli for help, and she searches for Wei Wuxian.

But this was the first pair of shoes that Jiang FengMian bought him. Wei WuXian was too embarrassed to make him go out of his way to buy another pair, and so he said that they weren’t too big. Jiang YanLi helped him into his shoe and pressed the hollow tip, “It is a bit big. I’ll fix it for you when we get back.”

Hearing this, Wei WuXian felt somewhat uneasy, as if he did something wrong again.

Living in other people’s homes, the worst that could happen was to make trouble for the hosts.

Jiang YanLi put him onto her back and began to walk back, wobbling in her steps as she spoke, “A-Ying, no matter what A-Cheng said to you, don’t bother about him. He doesn’t have a good temper, so he’s always home playing with himself. Those puppies were his favorites. Dad sent them away, and so he’s feeling upset. He’s actually really happy that somebody’s here to be with him.”

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

Later, Wei Wuxian offers to cover for him, saying simply that he ran outside by himself because he was scared. In this one case it feels like a genuine instance of children showing solidarity and covering for each other’s little misbehaviours. But it also follows a pattern of Wei Wuxian doing this and making excuses, time and time again, for Jiang Cheng. I wonder if on some level, he already knew that his role in the household was in part to be a companion-servant to Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian normally never puts up with people treating him poorly or being arrogant; he constantly bites his tongue when Jiang Cheng does so around him. While they study at Cloud Recesses, Jiang Cheng frequently insults Wei Wuxian, who always just smiles and laughs it off.

Jiang Cheng humphed, “Him? He wakes at nine in the morning and sleeps at one during the night. When he wakes up, he doesn’t practice his sword or meditate; he goes boating, swims around, picks lotus seedpods, and hunts for pheasants.”

Wei WuXian replied, “No matter how much pheasants I hunt, I’m still number one.”

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng scolded with a darkened expression, “What are you proud of?! What is there to be proud of with this?! Do you think that it’s a glorious thing to be told by someone to get lost? You bring so much shame upon our sect!”

(Chapter 16, Exiled Rebels translation)

We never see Wei Wuxian excusing this sort of behaviour from any other character; he has no problem scolding Jin Ling for his arrogant attitude and telling him that he shouldn’t be imitating his uncle, after all! It’s only where Jiang Cheng is concerned that he does this, and honestly, even then he seems to be quite aware that Jiang Cheng’s behaviour is wrong; he simply accepts on some level that it’s his role in the household to put up with it.

He actually does, very gently, try to guide Jiang Cheng at times. In Lotus Seed Pods, for example, he tries to give Jiang Cheng advice on how to flirt with some of the maidens in Yunmeng and make friends:

Wei WuXian threw the seed pods toward the shore. It was a far distance, but they landed lightly in the women’s hands. He grabbed a few more and stuffed them into Jiang Cheng’s arms, shoving, “What are you doing, just standing there? Hurry up.”

After a few shoves, Jiang Cheng could only accept them, “Hurry up and do what?”

Wei WuXian, “You ate the watermelon too, so you also have to return the gift, don’t you? Here, here, don’t be embarrassed. Start throwing, start throwing.”

Jiang Cheng snorted again, “You must be joking. What’s there to be embarrassed about?” Whatever he said, however, even after all of the shidi began to throw seed pods, he still didn’t start to move. Wei WuXian urged, “Then throw some! If you throw some this time, next time you can ask them if the seed pods tasted good, and you’ll be able to make conversation again!”

[...]

Jiang Cheng was just about to throw one when he realized how shameless it was the moment he heard it. He peeled a seed pod and ate it by himself.

[...]

After a while of laughter, he turned around and looked at Jiang Cheng, who was sitting at the front of the boat eating seed pods with a long face. His smile gradually disappeared as he sighed, “Well, what an unteachable child.”

Jiang Cheng fumed, “So what if I want to eat alone?”

Wei WuXian, “Look at you, Jiang Cheng. Nevermind. You’re hopeless. Just wait to eat alone your whole life!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even sighs rather disappointedly when Jiang Cheng refuses to take the hint; he knows that Jiang Cheng’s sullen behaviour is going to make him miserable down the line, but all of his gentle efforts to nudge him in a better direction have failed.

He also speaks with great awareness of Jiang Cheng’s flaws after the fight in the ancestral hall:

Wei WuXian reached out with one hand and massaged his chest, as if trying to break up the pent-up feeling inside his heart. A moment later, he blurted, “I knew Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have let us go so easily. That brat… How could this be?!”

[...]

Wei WuXian’s eyelids throbbed, “Every one of them. The brat’s been like this ever since he was young.He’ll say anything when he’s angry, no matter how bad it is. He gives up on all grace and discipline whatsoever. As long as it’d annoy whomever he’s against, he’d say it no matter what terrible insults he uses. After all these years, he hasn’t gotten better at all. Please don’t take it to heart.”

(Chapter 90, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is so interesting to me, because it really makes it clear that Wei Wuxian has always been aware of these flaws of Jiang Cheng’s. He hasn’t been viewing him through rose-coloured lenses or making excuses for him because he’s ‘family’. He puts up with Jiang Cheng’s behaviour because being his companion is one of his duties in the Jiang household. It may never have been directly stated, but there seems to be some unspoken understanding to this effect.

I honestly don’t know if there is any official role in history (in any culture, not just China) which perfectly correlates to this. In China a lady’s maid was expected to also be a close friend and companion to her mistress (in canon, see Bicao to Qin-furen and Yinzhu and Jinzhu to Yu-furen). In Europe an upper class woman would hire a lady’s companion, a woman from the lower fringes of the gentry who would serve as her companion in exchange for financial support.

I don’t know of any version of this role which involves two men. In general, this sort of role existed because upper class women were confined to the household by and large, and had very limited social spheres. Men, meanwhile, had much greater ability to meet with their peers and make friends. I almost feel like Wei Wuxian wound up being shoved into this role simply because even as a child Jiang Cheng was so unsociable that Jiang Fengmian didn’t know what else to do!

Wei Wuxian also at least once steps in and starts a fight in place of Jiang Cheng (essentially taking the fall for him). He does this when Jin Zixuan speaks disparagingly of Jiang Yanli at Cloud Recesses:

Jin ZiXuan asked in reply, “Why don’t you ask me how on Earth can I be satisfied with her?”

Jiang Cheng instantly stood up.

Pushing him to the side, Wei WuXian walked in front of him and sneered, “You sure think that you’re pretty satisfying, don’t you? Where did you get the guts to be all choosy here?”

[...]

Wei WuXian sighed, “… It’d be nice if shijie came. It’s fortunate that you didn’t hit him.”

Jiang Cheng, “I was going to. If you didn’t push me, the other side of Jin ZiXuan’s face would also be ruined.”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s also very notable that Wei Wuxian is never shown having friends outside of Jiang Cheng’s social circle, despite what an outgoing and friendly person he is. Any time he expresses interest in someone for himself, as with Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng tries to nip it in the bud. Being unable to deter Wei Wuxian from Lan Wangji directly, Jiang Cheng instead tries to drive a wedge between them, constantly telling Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji hates him.

“Yeah,” Nie HuaiSang spoke, “It looks like he really hates you, Wei-xiong. Lan WangJi usually… No, he never does something so impolite.”

Wei WuXian, “He hates me already? I wanted to apologize to him.”

Jiang Cheng sneered, “Apologizing now? Too late! Like his uncle, he surely thinks that you are evil and unruly to the core, and didn’t bother to pay you any attention.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng pulled him even closer, “It’s not as if you’re familiar with him! Don’t you see how much he hates you? You’re going to carry him? He probably doesn’t even want you a step closer to him.”

(Chapter 52, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even directly orders Wei Wuxian not to invite Lan Wangji to come visit him at Lotus Pier during the Lotus Seed Pod extra.

Wei WuXian, “Why are you so upset? My watermelon almost flew away! I was just being polite. Of course he wouldn’t come. Have you ever heard of him go anywhere by himself to have fun?”

Jiang Cheng had on a stern expression, “Let’s make this clear. I don’t want him to come, anyhow. Don’t invite him.”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not only Lan Wangji he tries to steer Wei Wuxian away from; he also interrupts his conversation with Wen Ning at the archery competition:

Wen QiongLin was probably one of Wen Clan’s disciples furthest in bloodline. His status was neither high nor low, yet his personality was timid. He didn’t dare do anything and even his speech stuttered. Through much practice, he had finally conjured up the courage to enter the competition, but he blew it because he was too nervous. If he didn’t receive the right guidance, perhaps the boy would hide his true self more and more from now on and never dare to perform in front of other people again. Wei WuXian encouraged him a couple of times and touched on a few areas of growth, correcting some miniscule problems that he had when he was shooting in the garden. Wen QiongLin listened so attentively that he didn’t even turn his eyes away, nodding uncontrollably.

Jiang Cheng, “Where did you find so much nonsense? The competition is starting soon. Get into the arena right now!”

Wei WuXian spoke to Wen QiongLin in a serious tone, “I’ll be off to the competition now. Later, you can see how I shoot when I’m in the arena…”

Jiang Cheng dragged him away, short of patience. He spat as he dragged, “See how you shoot? Do you think that you’re a model or something?!”

(Chapter 59, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even when it comes to Wei Wuxian’s friendly flirtation with Mianmian, Jiang Cheng has something to say and tries to deter him from her:

Jiang Cheng, “The one that MianMian gave you? I didn’t.”

Wei WuXian exclaimed his regret, “I’ll find her for another one later.”

Jiang Cheng frowned, “You’re at it again. You don’t really like her, do you? The girl does look fine, but it’s obvious that she doesn’t have much background. Maybe she isn’t even a disciple. She seems like the daughter of a servant.”

Wei WuXian, “What’s wrong with servants? I’m also the son of a servant, aren’t I?”

Jiang Cheng, “How can you compare to her? Whose servant is like you, having your master peel lotus seeds for you and boil you soup. I didn’t even get to have some!”

(Chapter 56, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng really does seem to view Wei Wuxian in a very proprietary light; he’s not allowed to have any friendships which don’t exist under Jiang Cheng’s direct control.

The idea that Wei Wuxian was meant to be Jiang Cheng’s servant-friend is reinforced at its darkest when Lotus Pier falls: both Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian’s last words to Wei Wuxian are an instruction to protect Jiang Cheng.

One hand holding him, Madam Yu grabbed Wei WuXian’s lapels with her other hand as though to strangle him to death. She spoke through clenched teeth, “… You damn little brat! I hate you! I hate you more than anything else! Look at what our sect has gone through for your sake!”

[...]

Madam Yu, “Don’t make such a fuss. It’ll loosen up when you’re somewhere safe. If anyone attacks you on the journey, it’ll protect you as well. Don’t come back. Go to Meishan straight away and find your sister!”

After she finished, she turned to Wei WuXian and pointed at him, “Wei Ying! Listen to me! Protect Jiang Cheng, protect him even if you die, do you understand?!”

[...]

Jiang FengMian stared into his eyes. Suddenly, he reached out. Only after pausing in the air did he finally touch Jiang Cheng’s head, slowly, “A-Cheng, be well.”

Wei WuXian, “Uncle Jiang, if anything happens to you, he won’t be well.”

Jiang FengMian turned his eyes to him, “A-Ying, A-Cheng… you must look after him.”

(Chapter 58, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even Jiang Fengmian, who supposedly favoured Wei Wuxian, only gives him instructions as pertains to his own son; he doesn’t spare a single last word for Wei Wuxian himself.

A Lower Status Family Member

It wasn’t uncommon throughout human history, across many cultures, for wealthy families to take in relatives who were orphaned or had otherwise fallen on hard times. They tended to have a lower status than the main family; they lived with them and were still a part of their social sphere, but were not quite equal, either. The English term for this is ‘poor relation’.

Obviously, Wei Wuxian isn’t actually a blood relative at all. But his position in the Jiang household definitely has some similarities. He lives in the main house, eats meals with the family, attends school with the son... He is even on some conditional levels accepted into the gentry of cultivation society. But he isn’t a full equal member of the family, either.

The fact that he’s Jiang Fengmian’s ward, not a blood relative or adopted into the main family, puts him at even more of a disadvantage. It seems that Jiang Fengmian paid for all of Wei Wuxian’s expenses:

Wei WuXian took a bite, “Back then, I didn’t even have to pay when I ate at the dock. I grabbed whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted; ran after I grabbed, walked as I ate. A month later, the vendor would get the reimbursement from Uncle Jiang.”

(Chapter 86, Exiled Rebels translation)

While this is a bit of conjecture, I gather that he was given access to family money as if he was part of the clan, and could just charge Yunmeng Jiang whenever he shopped in Lotus Pier. Which is great so long as Wei Wuxian is accepted in Yunmeng Jiang...but as we see during the Burial Mounds settlement period, the moment that acceptance fades, Wei Wuxian is left out in the cold without a single coin. And because he isn’t a member of the family, it’s a far easier matter for him to be thrown aside, as he was when Jiang Cheng grew angry with him over his decision to protect the Wens.

Of course, Chinese families traditionally did share their wealth, and still do nowadays. Ideally, in a loving family, this is a positive and means they all support each other; but when that isn’t the case, it leaves the victims of abuse vulnerable.

In Wei Wuxian’s case, he has some of the benefits of being a member of the Jiang clan, without ever actually being a member. He can be cast aside at any time, and he is never afforded the same respect by wider cultivation society which an inner clan member would have.

I don’t believe the novel ever directly addresses Wei Wuxian’s acceptance into the guest lectures at Cloud Recesses in this light, but the donghua actually has a very interesting little exchange about it which takes place between Nie Huaisang and a relative of his:

“Wei-xiong is just a disciple from Yunmeng. Why could he come to Gusu to study?”

“Wei-xiong is the son of Jiang-zongzhu’s old friend. He has been treated as their own son.”

“Oh, I see. That explains why they don’t look like master and servant, they seem like brothers.”

(MDZS Donghua, Episode 3, Guodong Subs)

Wei Wuxian was only allowed to attend these lectures, which seem to mainly be for sect heirs and inner clan members, on the grace of being Jiang Fengmian’s ward (and probably to accompany Jiang Cheng). While this exchange is not from the book, we never do see or hear about any of the other students being outer disciples rather than members of the main clan. Here’s what the novel had to say about it:

In that year, aside from the YunmengJiang Sect, there were also the young masters from other clans, sent to study here from parents who heard of the reputation. The young masters were all around fifteen or sixteen. Because the sects all knew the others, although they weren’t close, they had seen others’ faces before. It was widely known that, although Wei WuXian’s surname was not Jiang, he was the leading disciple of the sect leader of the YunmengJiang Sect—Jiang FengMian, and also the son of his friend who had passed away. In fact, the sect leader regarded him as his own child. This, along with how youths were not as concerned with status and ancestry as elders, they were soon friends. Only a few sentences passed, and everyone started to call others older brothers or younger brothers.

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

And Wei Wuxian isn’t treated as an equal at school, either; when he and his friends get up to mischief, he’s frequently the only one punished. Nie Huaisang even notes that Lan Qiren seems to be far harder on him than the other students:

Nie HuaiSang spoke, “Why does it seem like old man Lan is especially strict towards you? He always directs his scoldings at you.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

And we see Wei Wuxian being the sole one punished out of a group taken for granted by his friends multiple times:

As a result of cheating notes flying everywhere in the air, Lan WangJi suddenly attacked during the test, and caught a few initiators of the commotion. Lan QiRen exploded with anger, writing letters to the prominent clans to tell on them. He loathed Wei WuXian—in the beginning, although these disciples could hardly sit still, at least nobody started anything, and their buttocks were able to stick to their legs. However, now that Wei Ying came, the originally spineless brats were influenced by his encouragement, venturing out at night and drinking alcohol however they pleased. The unhealthy practices grew greater and greater. As he had expected, Wei Ying was one of the biggest threats to humanity!

Jiang FengMian replied, “Ying has always been like this. Please take care to discipline him, Mr. Lan.”

And so, Wei WuXian was punished again.

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

The boys were all cheating, but Wei Wuxian is the one punished most severely. This happens when he's caught sneaking alcohol, too (though to be fair to Lan Wangji, he probably was only punishing him, and himself alongside him, for being outside after curfew when he threw them off the wall).

Of course, Jiang Cheng didn’t dare to say that Wei WuXian was at fault. Thinking back, it was them who urged Wei WuXian to buy liquor. Each and every one of them should have been punished. He could only speak in a vague way, “It’s fine, it’s fine; it’s not that serious! He can walk. Wei WuXian, why are you still up there?!”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not entirely unreasonable for the one who gets caught to take the punishment (what’s he going to do, rat his friends out?) but their ready acceptance of this does fit into a pattern.

Jiang Cheng’s top was tied at his waist. Hearing his mother’s chastise, he hastily put it over his head. Madam Yu scolded again, “And you boys! Can’t you see that A-Li’s here? Who taught you brats to dress like this in front of a girl!?”

Of course, it was needless to think who led the group. Thus, Madam Yu’s next sentence, as usual, was “Wei Ying! Do you want to die!?”

[...]

He could still feel some pain in his back, so he tossed the paddles to someone else, sat down, and felt the stinging piece of flesh, “How unfair. Nobody else was wearing anything, but why was I the only one who got scolded and beaten up?”

Jiang Cheng, “Because you hurt the eye the most with no clothes on, for sure.”

[...]

Everyone nodded. Wei WuXian, “Thanks for the praise, you guys. I’m even starting to feel some goose bumps.”

The shidi, “You’re welcome, Da-Shixiong. You protect us every single time. You deserve even more!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

While we know that Yu Ziyuan is an abusive person in general, she abuses Wei Wuxian far more harshly than anyone else, even the outer disciples. It’s made clear to us in Lotus Seed Pods that she whips him regularly over minor infractions:

Madam Yu was even angrier, “How dare you run! Come back right now and kneel!” As she spoke, she let loose her whip with a flip of her wrist. Wei WuXian felt a searing pain slash across his back. He loudly exclaimed, “Ow!” And almost tripped on the ground.

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

And that his back is heavily scarred from it:

He felt his back, covered in scars both old and new, and still couldn’t hold back the question he’d be thinking about, “How awfully unfair. Why is it that I’m the only one who gets beaten up, whenever something happens?”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

Rumours about this even made it outside of Lotus Pier; during their visit to the ancestral hall years later, Lan Wangji even states that he heard about some of it:

Lan WangJi had on an expression of understanding, “Kneeling as punishment?”

Wei WuXian mused, “How did you know? That’s right. Madam Yu punished me almost every day.”

Lan WangJi nodded, “I have heard of a few things.”

Wei WuXian, “It’s so famous that even people outside Yunmeng, even you Gusu people know—how could it be ‘a few things’? But, to be honest, in all these years, I’ve never seen a second woman whose temper was as bad as Madam Yu’s. She told me to go to the ancestral hall and kneel no matter how small the matter was. Hahaha…”

(Chapter 87, Exiled Rebels translation)

Wei Wuxian’s lower social standing is definitely a part of why Yu Ziyuan is able to abuse him so terribly and receive little to no censure for it. Everyone at Lotus Pier simply takes it for granted, with the exception of Jiang Yanli who at least does try to deflect her mother when she is angry with Wei Wuxian:

Yet, all of a sudden, someone’s quiet voice drifted by Madam Yu’s ear, “Mom, do you want to eat some watermelon…”

[...]

Jiang YanLi almost cried from her mother’s pinching, mumbling, “Mom, A-Xian and the others were hiding here to relieve the heat and I came here on my own. Don’t blame them… Do… Do you want some watermelon… I don’t know who gave them to us, but it’s really sweet. Eating watermelon in the summer is great for cooling down and quenching thirst. I’ll cut them for you…”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

She both tries to deflect her mother from her anger, and also outright states that Wei Wuxian and the other boys weren’t at fault. Jiang Yanli seems to be the only one at Lotus Pier who ever does this.

After the war, Wei Wuxian attends social events at Jiang Cheng’s side but is never quite treated as an equal, either. See how at the Flower Banquet, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue greet Jiang Cheng but not him:

Suddenly, a voice spoke, “Sect Leader Nie, Sect Leader Lan.”

Hearing the familiar voice, Wei WuXian’s heart jumped. Nie MingJue turned around again. Jiang Cheng came over, dressed in purple, hand on his sword.

And the person standing beside Jiang Cheng was none other than Wei WuXian himself.

He saw himself walk with hands behind his back, wearing all black. A flute in the shade of ink stuck to his waist, hanging down with crimson colored tassels. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Jiang Cheng, he nodded in this direction to show respect. Attitude slightly arrogant, he took on a profound, disdainful appearance. As Wei WuXian saw the stance of his younger self, the root of his teeth even cringed in soreness. He felt that he really was pretentious, and itched to just beat the hell out of himself.

Lan WangJi also saw Wei WuXian, who stood beside Jiang Cheng. The tip of his brows twitched ever so slightly. Soon afterward, his light-colored eyes returned to where they were, still looking forward in that composed way. Jiang Cheng and Nie MingJue nodded at each other with grave faces. Neither had anything unnecessary to say. After a hasty greeting, the two walked their separate ways. Wei WuXian saw his black-clothed self glance around as he finally saw Lan WangJi. He looked as if he was about to speak before Jiang Cheng came over and stood to his side.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

They then proceed to talk about him and his lack of a sword behind his back, never having said a word to Wei Wuxian himself:

Nie MingJue’s gaze turned over again, “Why does Wei Ying not carry his sword?”

Carrying one’s sword was like wearing formal attire. In such gatherings, it was a non-negligible indication of etiquette. Those from prominent sects saw it as especially important. Lan WangJi responded in a lukewarm tone, “He had probably forgotten.”

Ning MingJue raised a brow, “He can even forget something like this?”

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

At Phoenix Mountain it also seems that Wei Wuxian is conditionally a member of the gentry, but not treated like an equal. Sometimes there are these more cheerful interactions:

Holding the flower, Lan WangJi seemed to be quite cold. His tone seemed cold as well, “Was it you?”

Wei WuXian immediately denied it, “No, it wasn’t.”

The maidens beside him spoke at once, “Don’t believe him. It was him!”

Wei WuXian, “How could you treat a good person like this? I’m getting angry!”

Giggling, the maidens pulled their reins and went to the formations of their own sects. Lan WangJi lowered the hand that he held the flower with and shook his head. Jiang Cheng spoke, “ZeWu-Jun, HanGuang-Jun, apologies. Don’t pay attention to him.”

Lan XiChen smiled, “That is fine. I will thank Young Master Wei’s kindness behind the flower in place of WangJi.”

(Chapter 69, Exiled Rebels translation)

But then he will be publicly disparaged and it is readily accepted by others. Jin Zixun first starts an argument with him by criticising Wei Wuxian for fighting Jin Zixuan, then turns the topic to Wei Wuxian’s having taken a third of the prey in the hunt.

Jin ZiXun, “Wei, just what what do you mean by going against ZiXuan so many times?”

[...]

Jin ZiXun sneered, “How is it presumptuous? How is any part of you not presumptuous? Today, in such an important hunt involving all of the sects, you really showed off your abilities, didn’t you? One third of the prey have been taken by you. You sure feel pleased, don’t you?”

[...]

He mocked, “But it’s only natural that you don’t think you’re in the wrong. It’s not the first time that Young Master Wei has disregarded the rules. You didn’t wear your sword in both last time’s flower banquet and this time’s hunt. It’s such a grand event, and you care nothing for courtesy. In what regard to you hold us, the people who are present with you?”

[...]

No disciple had ever dared say such lofty words in front of so many people. A moment later, as Jin ZiXun finally regained his composure, he yelled, “Wei WuXian! You’re only the son of a servant—how dare you be so bold!!!”

(Chapters 69-70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Naturally, Jin Zixun is able to weasel out of giving an apology, even though Jiang Yanli demands one. And guess who also takes a third of the prey, but this time without any censure?

Jin GuangYao, “In reality, not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well.”

Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Never a Brother

As I’ve already mentioned, Wei Wuxian was never adopted by Jiang Fengmian, or adopted into the clan in general in even a distant way. And this nebulous ‘we’re letting you live with the main family as a charity, but you aren’t really one of us’ attitude also reflects in his relationship with Jiang Yanli.

I’ve already discussed how Wei Wuxian was more like a companion servant to Jiang Cheng than a brother. It’s also worth noting quickly that neither of them ever refers to the other as a brother. Wei Wuxian refers to Jiang Cheng as his shidi a few times, and Jiang Cheng never even refers to him as his shixiong (because Jiang Cheng views him as his servant, not as even a martial brother, I’d argue).

Only one member of the Jiang family ever does use familial terms to refer to Wei Wuxian: his shijie, Jiang Yanli. At Phoenix Mountain, when Wei Wuxian is being insulted by Jin Zixun, Jiang Yanli stands up and defends him, and states clearly that she considers Wei Wuxian a little brother:

The people who gathered around Jin ZiXun had on the same dark faces as he did. Yet, taking into consideration Jiang YanLi’s background, they didn’t dare talk back to her directly.

Jiang YanLi added, “Besides, hunting is hunting, so why bring the matter of discipline to the table? A-Xian is a disciple of the YunmengJiang Sect. He grew up with my brother and I, and so he’s as close as a brother is to me. Calling him the ‘son of a servant’—I’m sorry, but I won’t accept this. And thus…”

She straightened her back and raised her voice, “I hope that Young Master Jin ZiXun would apologize to Wei WuXian of the YunmengJiang Sect!”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

It doesn’t come through in the Exiled Rebels translation, but she actually refers to Wei Wuxian as her didi in this scene, not her shidi. She’s trying to draw a line and state that Wei Wuxian is a part of the family. However, no one takes her seriously, and shortly afterwards we see Jin-furen insisting that Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian shouldn’t be walking alone together because it would be inappropriate.

Jiang YanLi whispered, “That’s not necessary. I’d like to have a few words with A-Xian. He can walk me back.”

Madam Jin raised her brows, looking Wei WuXian up and down. Her gaze was somewhat cautious, as if she was feeling displeased, “A young man and a young woman—you two can’t stick together all the time if nobody else is present.”

Jiang YanLi, “A-Xian is my younger brother.”

[...]

Wei WuXian lowered his head, “Excuse my absence, Madam Jin.”

He and Jiang YanLi bowed at the same time. As they turned around to leave, Madam Jin grabbed Jiang YanLi’s hand and refused to let her leave.

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jin Zixuan also never treats Wei Wuxian the way one might a brother who is still angered with him over his past dismissive treatment of his sister. For example, see their argument at the Flower Banquet:

Before he could see how Lan WangJi reacted, a series of clamor suddenly came from the other end of the base. Wei WuXian heard his own raging shout, “Jin ZiXuan! Don’t you forget about what things you said and what things you did? What do you mean by this, now?!”

Wei WuXian remembered. So it was this time!

On the other side, Jin ZiXuan also fumed, “I was asking Sect Leader Jiang, not you! The one I was asking about was also Maiden Jiang. How is that related to you?!”

[...]

Jin ZiXuan, “Sect Leader Jiang—this is our sect’s flower banquet, and this is your sect’s person! Are you going to look after him or not?!”

[...]

...Jiang Cheng’s voice came, “Wei WuXian, you can just shut your mouth. Young Master Jin, I’m sorry. My sister is doing quite well. Thank you for your concern. We can talk about this next time.”

Wei WuXian laughed coldly, “Next time? There is no next time! Whether or not she’s doing well isn’t any of his business, either! Who does he think he is?”

He turned around and started to leave. Jiang Cheng shouted, “Get back here! Where are you going?”

Wei WuXian waved his hands, “Anywhere is fine! Just don’t let me see that face of his. I never wanted to come, anyway. You can deal with whatever’s here yourself.”

Having been abandoned by Wei WuXian, Jiang Cheng’s face immediately clouded over.

[...]

Jiang Cheng stowed away the clouds on his face, “Don’t mind him. Look at how impolite he is. He’s used to such rude behavior at home.”

He then began to converse with Jin ZiXuan.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng also quietly dismisses the notion of Wei Wuxian as a brother in relation to Jiang Yanli; when they visit to show him her wedding dress and she asks for a courtesy name, Jiang Cheng specifically says:

Jiang Cheng, “The courtesy name of my unborn nephew.”

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Not our nephew, mine.

Even the disastrous invitation to Jin Ling’s one month celebration is framed as a favour to an old shidi, not a family member:

Jin ZiXun, “Since you’ve heard it from him already, you should know that I can’t wait. Don’t tell me that you’ll disregard your brother’s life for the sake of Sister-in-Law’s shidi?!”

Jin ZiXuan, “You clearly know that I’m not that kind of person! He might not necessarily be the one who cursed you with Hundred Holes either. Why are you so rash? I was the one who invited Wei WuXian to A-Ling’s full-month celebration anyways. If this is the way you do things, where does that leave me? Where does it leave my wife?”

Jin ZiXun raised his voice, “It’s best if he doesn’t attend! What does Wei WuXian think he is—does he deserve to attend our sect’s banquet? Whoever touches him gets nothing but a splash of black! ZiXuan, when you invited him, weren’t you worried that you, Sister-in-Law and A-Ling would receive an irremovable stain for the rest of your lives?!”

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear that not only does wider society not consider Wei Wuxian and the Jiangs siblings...they themselves don’t, either. Wei Wuxian, after all, readily accepts that his relationship with them is over after he leaves the sect:

Before they parted, Jiang Cheng spoke, “We won’t see you off. It wouldn’t be good if someone saw us.”

Wei WuXian nodded. He understood that it wasn’t easy for the Jiang siblings to have come out here. If someone else saw them, all those things they did for the public to believe would be wasted. He spoke, “We’ll go first.”

[...]

He turned around, knowing that it’d be a long time before he’d get to see the people he was familiar with again.

But… right now, wasn’t he on his way to seeing people he was familiar with as well?

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Cast Aside

The way cultivation society treats Wei Wuxian when he is not with the Jiangs is also very revealing. Any level of respect he is given is contingent on his position in the Jiang household, and when they aren’t around that minimal respect fades away. Look at how disrespectfully he is treated when he approaches Jin Zixun to ask for Wen Ning’s location.

Wei WuXian didn’t make small talk either, getting straight to the point, “No thanks. I don’t.” He nodded slightly at Jin ZiXun, “Young Master Jin, could I please have a word with you?”

Jin ZiXun, “If you have anything to say, come after our banquet is over.”

In reality, he didn’t want to talk to Wei WuXian at all. Wei WuXian could see this as well, “How long do I have to wait?”

Jin ZiXun, “Probably around six to eight hours. Or maybe ten to twelve. Or until tomorrow.”

Wei WuXian, “I’m afraid I can’t wait for that long.”

Jin ZiXun’s voice was arrogant, “You’ll have to wait even if you can’t.”

Jin GuangYao, “Young Master Wei, what do you need ZiXun for? Is it a pressing matter?”

Wei WuXian, “Pressing indeed. It allows for no delay.”

[...]

Jin ZiXun, “Wei WuXian, what do you mean? You came for him? You aren’t standing up for a Wen-dog, are you?”

Wei WuXian wore a broad grin, “Since when is it your business whether I’d like to stand up for him or cut his head off? Just give him to me!”

At the last sentence, the grin on his face vanished. His tone turned cold as well. It was clear that he had lost his patience. Many of the people within Glamor Hal shivered in fear. Jin ZiXun felt his scalp tingle as well. Yet, his anger soon soared. He shouted, “Wei WuXian, you are too bold! Did the LanlingJin Sect invite you today? And you dare run wild here. Do you really think that you’re invincible, that nobody has the courage to confront you? Do you want to overturn the Heavens?”

Wei WuXian smiled, “You’re comparing yourself to the Heavens? Excuse my language, but your face is a little too thick, isn’t it?”

[...]

Just as he was about to rebut, sitting on the foremost seat, Jin GuangShan spoke up.

His voice seemed kind, “It’s not anything too important anyways. You youngsters, why lose your tempers over such a thing? However, Young Master Wei, let me be fair here. Barging in when the LanlingJin Sect is holding a private banquet is indeed inappropriate.”

To say that Jin GuangShan didn’t mind what happened at Phoenix Mountain would be impossible. This was also why he only smiled when Jin ZiXun bickered with Wei WuXian but didn’t stop them, and only spoke up when Jin ZiXun was at the disadvantage.

Wei WuXian nodded, “Sect Leader Jin, it was never my intention to disturb your private banquet. My apologies. However, the whereabouts of the people whom Young Master Jin took are still unclear. Just a moment of delay, and it might be too late. One of the group had once saved me before. I will definitely not sit back and watch. Please do not feel pressured. I will make amends for this at a later date.”

[...]

After a few laughs, he continued, “Sect Leader Jin, let me ask you something else. Do you think that, because the QishanWen Sect is gone, the LanlingJin Sect has all right to replace it?”

All was silent within Glamor Hall.

Wei WuXian added, “Everything has to be given to you? Everyone has to listen to you? Looking at how the LanlingJin Sect does things, I almost thought that it was the QishanWen Sect’s empire all over again.”

[...]

A guest cultivator on his right shouted, “Wei WuXian! Watch your words!”

Wei WuXian, “Did I say something wrong? Forcing living people to be bait and beating them up whenever they refused to obey—is this any different from what the QishanWen Sect does?”

Another guest cultivator stood up, “Of course it’s different. The Wen-dogs did all kinds of evil. To arrive at such an end is only karma for them. We only avenged a tooth for a tooth, letting them taste the fruit that they themselves had sown. What’s wrong with this?”

Wei WuXian, “Take revenge on the ones who bite you. Wen Ning’s branch doesn’t have much blood on their hands. Don’t tell me that you find them guilty by association?”

Another person spoke, “Young Master Wei, is it that they don’t have much blood on their hands just because you say so? These are only your one-sided words. Where’s the evidence?”

[...]

Jin GuangShan stood up as well, his face a mixture of shock, anger, fear, and hatred, “Wei WuXian! Just because… Sect Leader Jiang isn’t here doesn’t mean you can be so reckless!”

Wei WuXian’s voice was harsh, “Do you think that I wouldn’t be reckless if he were here? If I wanted to kill someone, who could stop me, and who would dare stop me?!”

[...]

“Young Master Wei really is too impulsive. How could he speak in such a way in front of so many sects?”

Lan WangJi spoke coldly, “Was he wrong?”

Jin GuangYao paused almost unnoticeably. He immediately laughed, “Haha. Yes, he’s right. But it’s because he’s right that he can’t say it in front of them, correct?”

Lan XiChen seemed as if he was deep in thought, “Young Master Wei’s heart really has changed.”

(Chapter 72, Exiled Rebels translation)

The only person at this banquet who speaks to Wei Wuxian respectfully is Jin Guangyao, a consummate manipulator who is also of a lower social status. Everyone else speaks to him dismissively, refusing to respect his request for Wen Ning’s location even though he states that Wen Ning helped him during the war. Wei Wuxian is extremely polite at the beginning of this conversation, and only slowly begins to lose his temper when Jin Zixun speaks rudely and Jin Guangshan decides to bring up the matter of the Yinhufu (Wei Wuxian is right in suspecting him of wanting to replace Qishan Wen, of course, and that it’s very bold of them to think they have the right to a spiritual tool of his just because...they’re rich?).

When the sects meet at Koi Tower to discuss the breakout at Qiongqi Path, no one considers Wei Wuxian as an independent agent who they might actually want to meet and negotiate with themselves. He is a wayward servant of Yunmeng Jiang who the sect leader has failed to keep in hand.

Jiang Cheng only spoke after a few moments, “What he did was indeed a bit too much. Sect Leader Jin, I apologize to you in place of him. If there’s any way at all to help the situation, please let me know. I’ll definitely compensate for things however I can.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan, “Sect Leader Jiang, Wei Ying is your right-hand man. You value him a lot. All of us know this. However, on the other hand, it’s hard to tell whether or not he actually respects you. In any case, I’ve been a sect leader for so many years and I’ve never seen the servant of any sect dare be so arrogant, so proud. Have you heard what they say outside? Things like how during the Sunshot Campaign the victories of the YunmengJiang Sect were all because of Wei WuXian alone—what nonsense!”

[...]

Lan WangJi sat with his back straight, speaking in a tone of absolute tranquility, “I did not hear Wei Ying say this. I did not hear him express the slightest disrespect towards Sect Leader Jiang either.”

[...]

The good thing was that, not long after he felt awkward, Jin GuangYao came to save the day, exclaiming, “Really? That day, Young Master Wei busted into Koi Tower with such force. He said too many things, one more shocking than the next. Perhaps he said a few things that were along those lines. I can’t remember them either.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan followed the transition, “That’s right. Anyhow, his attitude has always been arrogant.”

One of the sect leaders added, “To be honest, I’ve wanted to say this since a long time ago. Although Wei WuXian did a few things during the Sunshot Campaign, there are many guest cultivators who did more than him. I’ve never seen anyone as full of themselves as him. Excuse my bluntness, but he’s the son of a servant. How could the son of a servant be so arrogant?”

[...]

“In the beginning, Sect Leader Jin asked Wei Ying for the Tiger Seal with nothing but good intentions, worried that he wouldn’t be able to control it and lead to a disaster. He, however, used his own yardstick to measure another’s intents. Did he think that everyone is after his treasure? What a joke. In terms of treasures, is there any sect that doesn’t hold a few treasures?”

“I knew that something would eventually happen if he continued on the ghostly path—look! His killing intents are being revealed already. Killing indiscriminately those from our side just because of a few Wen-dogs…”

[...]

Jin GuangShan continued, “Sect Leader Jiang, you’re not like your father. It’s just been a couple of years since the reestablishment of the YunmengJiang Sect, precisely when you should be displaying your power. And he doesn’t even know to avoid suspicions. What would the Jiang Sect’s new disciples think if they saw him? Don’t tell me you’d let them see him as their role model and look down on you?”

He spoke one sentence after another, striking the iron while it was still hot. Jiang Cheng spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, that’s enough. I’ll go to Burial Mound and deal with this.”

Jin GuangShan felt satisfied, speaking in a sincere tone, “That’s the spirit. Sect Leader Jiang, there are some things, some people that you shouldn’t put up with.”

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is very reminiscent of the way that Jin Zixuan would often turn around and say, ‘Why aren’t you controlling your servant?’ to Jiang Cheng whenever he had a dispute with Wei Wuxian over his treatment of Jiang Yanli.

When Jiang Cheng goes to the Burial Mounds and Wei Wuxian defects from Yunmeng Jiang in order to help the sect save face, Jiang Cheng treats this as a personal betrayal. He not only challenges Wei Wuxian to a duel but then announces that Wei Wuxian has betrayed Yunmeng Jiang and declared himself the enemy of cultivation society:

After the fight, Jiang Cheng told the outside that Wei WuXian defected from the sect and was an enemy to the entire cultivation world. The YunmengJiang Sect had already cast him out. From then on, no ties remained between them—a clear line was drawn. Henceforth, no matter what he did, they’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect!

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

“Wei Wuxian has betrayed the sect, and publicly regards all cultivation sects as enemy! Yunmeng Jiang Sect hereby expels him, breaking all ties with him and drawing a clear line between us. Henceforth, no matter what this person does, it will have nothing to do with Yunmeng Jiang Sect!”

(Modao Zushi Radio Drama, Season 3 Episode 5, Suibian Subs)

Naturally, no one ever questions this or wants to hear Wei Wuxian’s side of the story. Jiang Cheng is a sect leader and Wei Wuxian his servant, and that is all cultivation society needs to know.

In Conclusion

Wei Wuxian was never really part of the Jiang family. The wider social view was that he was a servant who was lucky to be taken in by the family and allowed to live in the main house alongside the sect leader’s children. He’s accepted into cultivation society conditionally, but only as someone who remains a rank below everyone else.

This attitude isn’t just the wider social view which the family themselves disregard; they all play into it. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Cheng both actively enforce it, Jiang Fengmian passively enforces it, and Jiang Yanli tries but fails to break through the social barriers between them.

[nevereverlandboys]

Drunken in charge

A/N: So I already posted this on wattpad a while ago. I was busy with learning for my exam, but now I finally managed to edit everything so I can post it on tumblr for those who don't read in wattpad

If you want to get tagged for my oneshots DM me ❤

Pairing: Ouat Felix x Reader

Warnings: Smut, NSFW, fingering, oral, unprotected sex, consuming of alcohol, swearing, really unrealistic sex scene lol, unprotected sex

Summary: Felix is being left in charge for the camp while Pan is absent, so games are off along with every other game. What is there else to do than drink? The second in command uses this opportunity to finally get closer to the reader after being so distant for a long time.

word count: 9968

The Island was harsh and cruel to everyone in an unfair but equal way. Even though the lost boys lived free on Neverland, they still were ruled by the mischievous leader named Peter Pan. Each of them had their own suffering they would not mention to anyone, rather feel the pain alone and the loneliness followed them with every step. But if someone caught Y/N's eye the most, it was the quiet second in command, Felix. He always stayed close to his leader and would always follow his command. His cold facade never told her a single thought, making him special in his own way. He would leave the girl alone and only joined her on missions, but even then, the second in command would remain quiet. Pan on the other hand, tormented Y/N with thousands of useless tasks, while the lost boys worked on their own duties that seemed to make way more fun. No matter how hard she tried, Y/N would never fit in the group of lost boys, their name alone excluded her. None of them treated her fair, always left her out and acted like she was their servant. At first, the boys all seemed curious, and also a little intrigued about her appearance. They wondered why the shadow brought a girl to Neverland and if she would stay forever or just for a while. Their vicious behavior scared her off the first days, keeping her distance in a small tent. There was nothing special about Y/N, and she wondered why Pan brought her here from the beginning. Soon they boys learned that as well, treating her harshly like everybody else. They mocked her for being too weak, being too emotional,- they mocked her for not being a boy. After a while Y/N stopped asking questions and simply agreed to her new life. There were many good things to mention, nothing here was all bad. No one cared about her exploring the island during the day, at least if she did not go too far. If she wanted to cook for herself, there was no one in the way, and if she wanted to read in her tent, they would not enter- also because she was definitely sure Pan forbat it. The lost boy's feared and loved their leader at the same time, the way he let them live the free life they always wanted and not even seeing how dangerous it could be had convinced them. Y/N had distanced herself from them and their cruelty, rarely appeared to any big occasion and rather traveled along the river that ran it's way through the meadow and pastures. It was a surprise when one boy asked her one day to join a game, leaving her startled and unable to answer since no one ever really attempted to talk to the girl. It woke a piece of hope inside her, some of the younger boys already liked Y/N, yet, there was always something suspicious around the older ones.

"C'mon!" The thin boy yelled excitedly and waved his hands through the air, gesturing to follow him.

"This will be fun!"

Y/N avoided the demanding boy and tilted her head while her eyes wandered through the group before they stopped at the second in command, his eyes already burning on her skin when she detected him on his log, not far. His gaze made her nervous, uncomfortable and she questioned the decision to join the game. Something inside her shook the thought off, that Felix would approach her one day for some other reason than Pan made him, or that he would ask her to join a game.

"No…" Y/N answered nervously and looked back to the lost boy, trying to ignore Felix in the back. She did not trust that boy the slightest.

"I have to clean the kitchen." She  lied and dropped her gaze to the ground. The boy left as quickly as he came, not even trying to convince her further as if the interest was faked like everything else on this Island. After a while she sat alone in silence, watching the smaller boys play with sticks and some older ones preparing some meat and stickbread for the bonfire. The feeling of being watched did not let go. Y/N tried her best not to look suspicious and quickly let her eyes wander further when she found the guilty boy, Felix. 

Why is he still staring at me?

She never found out. The boy stayed exactly where he was and so did Y/N. He would constantly steal a glimpse and for a moment goosebumps spread all over her body, as butterflies rumbled in her stomach. A few days went on and she had catched the second in command staring at her over and over again. Whenever she looked at him, he quickly shifted his eyes somewhere in hope not to be catched. Sitting at the dining table she would catch him, when she did the laundry or cooked in the humble kitchen. The lost boy woke some curiosity inside the girl, the urgent need to know why he would always steal a glimpse, whenever she walked by. He never slipped a nasty comment, definitely strange compared to the other lost boys and their vivid temper. He never approached her or tried to keep up a conversation either. As soon as the sun went down, Pan appeared in front of Y/N's tent, calling her to come out and get some firewood. His second in command stood not far, leaning against the bark of a tree and chewing on a toothpick. He didn't need to wait for his leader's command, already knowing he had to join her. 

"Be quick." Pan ordered sternly, pressing his brows together before strutting back to the other boys. Her eyes instantly shifted over to the lanky, blonde boy, a smirk plastered on his pale face. If Pan knew that this was not a good idea? Felix turned on his heels and led the way through the trees uphill where the bushes covered the edges down to the abyss, not looking back once.

"C'mon, girlie." He said.

'Don't call me that!' She snapped back and paced up. The lost boy's camp disappeared on the ground, the higher Y/N followed the path before Felix stopped in front of a dark forest, the leaves swallowing every light before it could touch the ground. 

"Princess." Felix corrected cockily, watching her step between the trees. She started to blush and was unable to say something, so she decided to simply ignore the giant boy's nickname for her, no matter how flattering his words seemed. She tried to act tough, tougher than she actually was, in hope he would recognise it.

"How in the hell should we get wood in the dark?' Y/N mumbled as she stared into the pitch black.

"Are you scared?" Felix teased and gave her a smirk. His voice was deep and rough, unsettling but still going like honey through her ears. The girl scoffed at him and rolled her eyes, then led the way with firm steps, not even seeing the ground and suddenly tripping over into a mess of wood. 

"Fuck!" She hissed and held her hands to check the unbruised skin. The lost boy started to laugh darkly to himself, before he stepped closer. 

"This wood is full of chunks." Felix explained and bent down to pick up the wood. Y/N rose to her feet and grabbed some wood, not saying another word. Felix remained silent as well, heading with heavy back to the camp. After a while he stopped and turned, watched if she could catch up and continued when the girl was close enough. All the time she wanted to talk to him, using the moment all alone with him, but as she hurried to follow the second in command, no single idea for a conversation came to her mind. It was like someone wiped every thought away and replaced it with the heavy drumming of her heartbeat. As soon as she reached the clearing, Felix dropped the wood onto the ground and left them for the other boys to take care of it. Her chunks landed right next to his and she paced up to catch up with the gloomy second in command, when a tight grip on the girl's wrist stopped her. 

"Where do you think you're going?"

Y/N tilted her head and faced Dave, a tall chubby boy with messy brown hair, his eyes dark and soft like marbles. The lost boy looked like a bear, warm and welcoming, nevertheless it were his words that often scared her off. He only had nasty comments for Y/N, threats and if Pan wouldn't protect her for being a weak girl, the lost boy would probably harm her physically as well.

"The potatoes won't cook themselves!" Dave barked and pushed her harshly away before his eyes wandered over to the kitchen tent. Y/N bit her tongue to stop slipping a nasty comment, marched over to the humble kitchen and let out a growl when she saw the mess inside. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She whined as her eyes wandered over the dirty pots and Pan's, knives and forks along with every spoon. At least it was not stinking and disgusting, easy to wash, yet an avoidable effort if every boy would clean after themselves. But why should they? They had Y/N. Deciding to only clean the essential goods and shoving the other things aside, she opened a little basket with potatoes in it and placed them on the little counter. Like she expected, no one came to help her during the cooking, only one boy showed up to ask if she could hurry up. The same boy did not even thank her when she finally gave them the cooked potatoes half an hour later. The selfish behaviour of these boys was the thing Y/N hated most, more reason to focus on the second in command, the only boy who had never shown her this nasty attitude. While every other boy slowly gathered around the bonfire after they ate, Felix stayed where he was. He did not dance like the others and Y/N was not even sure if he could hear what the boys claimed to hear. Pan once said, his flute was special and the girl was supposed to hear her too. None of them had an explanation, still, it did not seem like the first time for Pan, seeing something like this. 

The girl's eyes darted back to Felix, his eyes already burning on her skin and she instantly moved her head to make it look less obvious. The tempting idea of walking over to him burned inside her guts, but with all those boys around, she was like being frozen in place. The second in command never talked to her when it was not necessary, not even one muscle in his face twitched when he interacted with the others. Still, something inside Y/N pulled her towards him from the beginning, as if his attempt to block her out was even more tempting. When she distanced herself from the bonfire back to her tent, Felix stayed at his seat instead of following her like she had imagined he would do. A little disappointed she went to bed and kept twirling all her thoughts around the mysterious second in command. There were so many questions about him. No one ever understood Felix, maybe not even Pan, although they were closer to each other than no one else on this whole Island.  

The following days Pan left Felix in charge, going on a mission by himself. The absence of Neverland's leader made itself noticeable first, when the lost boys stopped playing their big games and went directly to their duties, almost no words slipping from their usually loud mouths as they worked in silence. The day had started boring for everyone on it, Pan was already away for a few days, so Felix was fully in charge. Games were off, along with parties and especially dances in the evening. If Y/N could tell, the dances were the most annoying thing to the second in command, the thing he hated the most. Felix did not like the idea of taking care of anybody else but himself. So it came that even after weeks, Y/N had barely exchanged some words with him. He would simply avoid her and in case of sharing a task, just stare at her in curiosity. It was a lie to say he did not make her nervous, even when it was not in a scary way. The second in command was weird in any way and whenever he built himself up in front of her, she and broad, he made her look even shorter than she actually was. A feeling almost pleasant instead of scary. It was like something pulled her towards the cold lost boy, but the lack of courage would not let her talk to him. If he felt the same?

Felix was intimidating to look at, it was like something was wrong with his face but Y/N could never tell what. His high pitched cheeks were sharp and narrow and there was an awful scar running along his left cheek up to his brows like an 'x'. The most creepy things were his eyes though, whenever she looked into them, she was willingly drowning in a cold puddle that dragged her deeper in. They pierced her, as if he knew every secret inside the girl's head. Nevertheless, he was not ugly, rather pretty to look at. When his blonde hair hung messy over his face and the way he smelled. Whenever she walked past him, she would smell pinewood and musk. Even though he was well known for his cruelty, the lost boy never raised his hand against Y/N, nor called her nasty things like the others did. She was not even sure on how to do it anyways. Felix always looked busy or like he did not want anyone to speak to him. When she thought of it, the girl could not remember one single boy really talking to the second in command except Pan, but then again,- they only talked about plans and other secrets. He was a mystery of his own, a riddle for Y/N to solve. She glanced over to him and saw that he was carving something into a piece of wood. The lanky lost boy had distanced himself from the other boys, having his seat on a log as closest to the forest as possible. Maybe she could strike a conversation about his passion for carving? He was doing that almost everyday without talking about it and when she thought about it, she had never seen the final results. After a while, courage overcame her, so she stood up and walked slowly into Felix's direction, already noticing in the corner of her eyes the disapproving and concerned looks of some boys. They started to talk quietly to each other and she instantly knew it was about her. Their eyes burned more on Y/N's skin with each step further towards Felix, making her feel nervous and jumpy. Rolling with her eyes at them, she still marched to the lanky blonde boy, stopping when she was close enough to him. The heads of the lost boys instantly shot away, as if they felt too scared to let Felix know about their curiosity when he lifted his heavy head from his broad shoulders.

Felix's eyes darted up, his mouth shut tight and his facial expression went blank like always. His look told Y/N that he was strong, but never how he felt. She tried to say something, but the words got stuck in her throat. Unable to speak, she stared with a deadpan face back at the second in command, trying to find an excuse for her behaviour. The idea with the wood seemed so dumb suddenly and she wished she could just melt into the ground or simply disappear as the lost boy stared back at her, locking their eyes and waiting for her to say something.

"Have you seen Pan?" Y/N choked out and sounded calmer than she expected to be. The blonde boy raised an eyebrow suspiciously and nodded behind him into the dark forest. Big trees hovered high up into the sky, all around the clearing, hiding every view. It was pitch black. Y/N swallowed at the sight of the dark woods and she shook her head slowly, feeling so scared of the unknown dangers. There was no reason for her to see Pan, the leader was not a pleasant person himself and the lie only made her more anxious. 

"I think it wasn't important anyways." She mumbled unsure and turned around, feeling how her whole face heatened up at the fact that she talked to the mysterious second in command. Suddenly, the tall boy grabbed her by the wrist, causing her to turn and face him again.

"I'll bring you to him, if you feel scared to go alone." He said dry and rose to his feet, tall and intimidating. The girl was so small next to him, peeking up to him again as her limbs lightly started to tremble. Felix glanced down at her and again, she shook her head slowly. The girl did not know if he simply did not notice it, but when the lost boy shoved her into the pitch black, terror overcame her. What was he doing? Not daring to say a word, before the light around her vanished, she only felt the lost boy's hand on her back as he pushed her gently forwards. Her heart was pounding so hard, she feared he might feel it. Where the hell would he bring her? Where was Pan all the time? 

"Don't." Y/N winced and turned on her heels, running past Felix back into the camp. The lost boy instantly jumped around and stormed after her, chasing her across the clearing towards some big trees. She tripped over one of their big roots, almost crashing down but still finding her balance. This was the moment Felix jumped at the girl, crashing down with her, his heavy weight pressing the air out of her lungs. The lost boy spun her around and pinned her arms down on the floor before she could take a sharp inhale. Y/N tried to free herself in panic, but she could not move at all, when the slender boy straddled her and held her down. The colours in Y/N's  face faded away and her heart pumped wild inside her as if it were about to explode, unable to tell if she felt excited or scared. Maybe a healthy mix of both. She was sure he did not want to hurt her. Frankly, he never did.

"Why in the hell are you running from me." He asked angry, slightly confused and she thought even a bit hurt as he pressed his brows strictly together. 

"Don’t hurt me." She muttered and the pale boy frowned. He loosened his grip and swiftly rose to his feet and pulled his hood back over his head, then strutted quickly away, not even giving her a last glance. 

That was strange, she thought. Her heart was still beating furiously. What happened? The lost boy scared her and made her feel like burning at the same time. She took a deep breath and raised to her feet, wiping the dirt off her clothes. Felix was a strange guy and he only confused Y/N. Why did he just stand up and leave? She was not dumb and clearly could add two and two together. But it could not be that the second in command had some interest in her, why should he? The boy barely spoke to the girl, even when they had chores together. Y/N remembered one of the first days, when Pan sent them both to get some dreamshade and the tall blonde did not even let her near one of those plants, not even mentioning why. When he held the filled glasses, the boy walked a big distance between her back to camp, giving her the feeling of not being wanted. Later she had learned the dangers of it and Felix's strange behaviour now. It was an easy addition but she needed to be sure, not even knowing how to deal with this information.

If I am right.

The next day Felix clearly avoided her. Whenever he felt like she was too close, the lost boy would quickly find another place to go. She did not want to ask any of the boys about it, not wanting them to know, but it was obviously something off. They would not answer her anyways, only giving her questioning looks. After that weird situation in the evening before, the second in command completely vanished. There was no big effort to look for him and when the girl went to bed, she completely forgot about him. He had not given her any duties yet, so she took her chance and left the camp to take a shower and later gather some fruits and seeds, everything edible the Island would offer her without having to kill. She did not know how to hunt and was not sure if she could even catch an animal. Peter once told her that his best man would teach her to hunt, but Felix always seemed to be so busy that she simply never asked him to. At first she had avoided the blonde, lanky boy, not knowing his temper. He had scared her so much but now she could not stop thinking of how he had straddled her and how much she liked it. This was stupid. She barely knew Felix and still Y/N pictured herself with him in so many daydreams now. It was always easier to dream about someone and she was not crazy enough to consider anything about the rough boy. But where would he be? What is he doing right now? God, she needed to stop thinking about Felix. She was overthinking. 

The time passed by and Y/N found herself at the clearing again, watching two boys fight in the distance, with a small crowd around to cheer their violence. Her eyes wandered over the whole area, searching for the second in command. He sat far away next to a few older lost boys that hollered around while drinking some rum. Since Felix would not let them do anything, the only possible solution for the boys was to drink and do stupid things that would not bother the tall scarred one. They were drinking more alcohol than any adult could ever handle. The girl's eyes shifted over the group, seeing how they stumbled and swayed around. Felix sat on a log with his own bottle of rum in his hands, he kept his distance from the other boys, observing them with a blank expression but it was visible that he was drunk, too. When he saw Y/N entering the camp, the second in command's head spun around, meeting her gaze and she could swear his face lightened up.

"Y/N!" Someone big yelled excitedly and jumped at her from the side, almost swaying her off her feet before she could even think of the name "Felix".

"Drink with us!" The chubby boy cheered with a dizzy voice. His dark, bushy eyebrows hung deep over his small eyes and he wrinkled his nose, making a nasty, slimy sound, reminding her of a mull. He was not pretty to look at, mean and vicious, sometimes insulting for no reason. He was that kind of a boy who would mock one and still complain when they did not want to be his friend. 

"No, tha-"

"DRINK!" The chubby boy repeated himself more aggressively and grabbed Y/N's wrist to stop her from leaving before she could even try getting away. His fat fingers would definitely leave a mark later as she furiously tried to yank herself  free.

"YOU ARE HURTING ME!" Y/N whined and buried her nails into his wrist, but the lost boy would not let go.

"It will be fun! Don't be such a lame ass." He gave back and tightened his grip. Felix, who had watched the whole scene from a distance, immediately jumped to his feet and stormed towards them, yanking the boy away and threw him violently into the mud. He gave him the most powerful kick that his anger would provoke, that the sound of the fat lost boy's scream caught everyone's attention. 

"I will snap your fucking neck!" Felix threatened so calmly that the other boys would not even hear it as he pressed his jaw together, his hands forming into fists that his knuckles turned white. The chubby moonface groaned dizzy and turned onto his stomach, trying to lift himself drunkenly out of the sludge. With a closer look, Y/N understood why they all called him Piggy, instead of Mull. He turned his head confused around before he would drop back onto the ground again. The girl's eyes widened at the sight of this cruelty, even though she felt relieved and maybe a little entertained to see Piggy like this. He truly deserved it. On the other hand, she wondered why Felix came so quickly to help after he had tried his best to get out of her way. Y/N's cheeks burned up and she knew it would be the perfect moment to talk to him.

"Go." Felix said. He turned to her and shoved her gently away from the boys towards the tents. His big hand warmed her comfortably on her back, waking the butterflies in her stomach and causing her to shiver. The second in command rested one one of his arms on the girl's shoulder to keep his balance as he swayed between the tall bushes forwards between the trees.

"You should go to sleep." The lost boy said huskily, stopping in front of her tent, his grey eyes staring at the closed curtains. The excitement inside Y/N turned into disappointment when she saw where this actually went, so she stared irritated at the tent as Felix pulled his arm away and stepped away, slowly heading back. 

"I am not tired!" Y/N gave back and knitted her brows together, confused why he just left her now. He could have stayed at the camp instead of joining her in the first place. Why come all this way up here? Felix's head spun around before turning back to stop right in front of the girl. He bent down to face her and made it possible to smell the alcohol in his breath as she stared into his gray eyes illuminated by the pale moonlight. The messy, ashen hair hung half over his face,- Y/N liked so many things about him and right now he was so perfect. He has never been that close before, except when he had tackled her.

"The boys aren't so well behaved," The second in command snickered. "Especially not in that state."

Y/N giggled when she thought of Felix acting like he was a good boy, after all those terrible things he did. There was a reason why he was second in command of this brutal gang and he proved it by the way he treated Piggy. 

"And you're not?" She gave back quite bravely, raising an eyebrow cockily. Felix chuckled low to himself, slightly shaking his head before he gave her a smirk, showing his white palette of perfectly lined up teeth.

"If you want me to," Felix purred and wiggled with his brows. "I'll be whatever you want."

The girl felt goosebumps spread all over her body at his words and for a moment, she just stared speechless back at him, unable to say a word and wanting nothing more than kissing those pink lips. Felix was drunk, he could not think straight and definitely did not mean what he said. The lost boy's breath tickled hers and she noticed how close he was and how she just had to lean in, to steal a kiss. There was no way she would risk it, well aware that Pan loved games and she could not let the thought go, his best man would love them as well. 

"Do you have any suggestions?" She asked as her nose touched his, her lips almost on his as she gently ran her hands over his chest. Felix ignored the question, moving instinctively and rough, grabbing Y/N's neck and pulling her in to close the distance between their mouths. His tongue was warm and tasted like liquor, still it did not bother her at all, when he vividly explored the inside of her mouth. Felix's hands vanished under her hair, grabbing her head and pressing the girl firmer against him while his intoxicated mind led his actions. Y/N gasped surprised into the kiss, not expecting him to do this even though it was what she wished for. Felix was way taller than her and for the moment he was forced to bend down at her height, holding her in his broad arms that pressed her tightly against his chest. When Felix’s pulled away, his eyes were still shut and he ran his thumb over Y/N's lips, licking his own and let out a gasp when he realised that he did not only imagined to do that. Then his eyes widened and she could see that he realised for the first time what just happened, what he just did.

"Sorry…" Felix mumbled unbelievingly and shook his head with widened eyes. He pushed her harshly away and rose to his feet, quickly checking full terror if someone had watched it.

"I was-" Felix spoke hoarse and slowly took a step back, then another one, a few more, until he turned on his heels and sprinted quickly away,  not finishing what he tried to say. 

Y/N stood there for a moment as if she were stuck in place, not able to process what just happened. With a swift movement she stormed through the curtains of her tent towards her bed to hide under the covers. She grabbed a pillow, held it against her face and screamed inside it. It was hard to tell if she felt excited or embarrassed. Felix kissed her, so why should she be worried about something? Maybe it was a test and she failed? Hell no, that would be some serious bullshit if that were the first explanation and she had seen his reaction. The way he held her and how he tasted heatened her up. Every cell inside her body craved for more.

No, what are you doing, she thought and shook her head, replaying that scenario in her head over and over again like a broken record. With a swift move she rolled onto her back and stared up at the curtain ceiling, hoping to find an answer to what her next step could be. If the lost boys would find out, they would never stop talking about it, maybe even start to think she was easy to have. Y/N gulped and squinted her eyes at the thought of them all trying to hit on her. Felix was different though. He was tall and intimidating, his cold stare would pierce through her with a burning desire and his smell intoxicated her mind. Whenever he was around, she could barely think straight, desperately wanting to figure out what laid beneath that cold facade. Never in a thousand years, she could have guessed that he liked her back. On the other hand, he was not able to make proper decisions drunkenly and maybe Y/N was encouraging herself too much. There was almost nothing she knew about the tall boy and falling for him that fast could only harm herself in the end. 

Y/N closed her eyes and brought her fingers to her lips, touching them, while imaging to feel Felix's on them again and remember what they tasted like. The second in command barely spoke to her and now that? There was definitely more behind it. It had to. Her other hand slowly wandered over her stomach to pull up the dress, slipping a finger inside to play with herself. It was not the first time she thought of him while touching herself, but this time something was off. Deep inside her something stopped Y/N, no matter how aroused she already was. She needed to talk to Felix. Under no circumstances she would let him ignore her for days again. Yanking the blanket away, Y/N jumped out of the bed and eagerly left the tent, turning her head furiously around to find the tall boy. He did not sit next to the others anymore and when she walked downhill to his cabin, she could feel her heart pumping furiously inside her chest. The girl stopped in front of the wooden door to knock and when no one answered she knocked again. 

"Felix!" She tried to be as loud as she could be while still not attracting someone else's attention. There was still no answer and she felt dumb for even thinking it was as easy as this to find him after the previous events. He could not be far, the lost boys still needed someone who had an eye on them before someone could get hurt. Their hollering was still audible and the bonfire in the distance let Y/N see a few of them behind the bushes. For a moment she thought of going back to the clearing again, hoping to find Felix there, but the thought of meeting Piggy alone now was no good. 

"Y/N." The girl suddenly heard Felix’s raspy voice behind her and she turned dazzled around, the warmest smile sitting on her lips. 

Felix swayed dizzily into her direction, closing the gap between them two while he tried to keep his balance. The lost boy's head was too high up, making it impossible to steal a kiss from him now. 

"What are you doing here? I told you to sleep." He asked nervously and pulled her away from his cabin towards the trees, his head constantly turning to look if someone watched. When he placed his hand on the girl's back again, his touch sent electric waves through her spine and she wondered how his slender finger would feel on her bare skin.

"Did you drink more?" She asked, noticing how he swayed more and the second in command vividly shook his head in response, grinning like a small boy on a sunny day. 

"You have."

"No."

"Yes."

"Uh-Uh."

"I can cleanly tell-"

"I am-," Felix grabbed Y/N gently by the back of her neck and pulled her in, his face coming closer again. "-Not. Drunk."

She started to laugh and leaned into his grip, bringing her own hand up to touch his scar. Felix's blue eyes melted when he felt her fingers, closing them and relaxing as her touch traced as light as a feather down his skin. He relaxed for a moment and enjoyed the touch on his scarred skin, before he suddenly woke out of trance.

"The boys better not see us." He cleared his throat and broke apart, letting go of her.

"No one saw us, Felix." His name echoed through the dark forest like honey and Y/N grabbed his hand tight- she was way smaller than his. The girl felt Felix's breath in her face, how his nose almost touched hers and before he could do anything she had already closed the gap between them two, pressing her lips against his. Felix moaned surprised into her mouth but instantly grabbed her cheeks and slid his tongue inside. She could still taste the liquor and wondered if she might have taken advantage of this situation. The tall boy's moans told her otherwise. He moved his hands slowly towards the girl's waist down to her ass, cupping it rough while her smell intoxicated his senses. 

"We shouldn't." He whispered and she heard him move even though it was too dark to see. Nevertheless Felix pressed himself harder against her and she felt through his pants how hard he already was from only kissing. 

"Why not." She breathed against his neck, leaving a trail of kisses.

"The boys," Felix said, his eyes rolling back with a soft moan when he felt her tongue on his throat. It was enough to convince the second in command, his fingers wandered over her delicate body, burying them inside her tender flesh. It's been a long time since someone touched Y/N and she could not resist the lost boy's demanding hands. He lifted her dress and wandered with his palm over her skin to the rim of the underwear, enjoying the small moans when his fingers wandered further to her inner thigh, drawing invisible circles on it.

"Felix…" His grip tightened when he heard the girl purr his sweet name in the most delicious way and he almost could not hold himself back to tear her clothes off right at this place. The lost boy dared to slip one of his fingers inside Y/N's panties and when she did not complain, he pushed his slender index inside of her, feeling how her soft walls tightened around him. If Felix had not realised it earlier, he knew at least by now how much she craved him when he felt how wet she already was. Y/N let out a gasp when he started to push his long finger in and out of her, causing the girl's legs to tremble and her knees to shiver in excitement. She closed her eyes, giving up trying to see something in the dark as she melted into Felix's arms, her face sliding down onto his shoulder. She found her balance by grabbing the lost boy's leg and then she realised that he was kneeling in front of her. Y/N was actually glad that the surroundings were pitch black, feeling her cheeks heating up in embarrassment from her uncontrollable sweet moans. Before she would absolutely lose her mind, the girl managed to push the lost boy slightly away from her while her hands moved down to his belt. Her fingertips ran over the leather and the lost boy instantly frowned at her touch, his whole body stiffened and he stopped moving for a second.  

"W-wait." He stammered, the adrenaline pushing the dizziness of the alcohol away. "I-I… never…" he continued and stopped, his hands wrapped around Y/N's wrist, insecurities overwhelming him as he held her in a safe distance. Now she really wished to see his face, well aware that he must look like earlier when he kissed her, startled and somehow shy.

"Well," she replied after a small pause, her voice echoing clear through the night, "Neither have I."

There was an awkward silence between them two and if the lost boy would not hold her by her hips, she would probably believe he was gone by now. The second in command was embarrassed for no reason, what did he fear? Y/N had no clue how to do this and if she was honest, it was way more appealing that Felix was a virgin, too, even though she did not expect that. All the time she thought he was so confident and now he was so vulnerable to her. The lost boy still did not speak, so she bent into another kiss, hoping to catch his lips in the dark. Felix gasped when he felt her lips on his scar and pulled the girl back in.  This was good, they did not need to talk- should not talk. It would only make this weird. Talking would come naturally. Felix grabbed Y/N's hands gently and brought them back to his belt for her to continue what she had started. She let her fingers trail over the leather to his buckle to open it, enjoying the moment when she opened the button of his pants and slowly pulled down his zipper. The lost boy moaned inside her mouth when she slid her hand into his pants, pumping his hardened cock as best as the tight cotton would allow her to. Felix noticed her struggle and broke apart from the kiss to lift himself up and take off his clothes. Y/N heard how each piece of clothing dropped onto the ground while she waited to be told to do the same. 

"Should I keep my dress on or-"

"Keep it on." Felix ordered and chuckled to himself, then pulled her back against him, his cock pressing against her stomach. The lost boy let his hands slide under the girl's dress and pulled down her panties for more access, then kneeled naked in front of her while his fingers did their magic. They felt so long and strange, making Y/N wonder if she could even handle Felix's cock. He already felt so big in her hand when she touched him again, fully exposed and hardened. The lost boy lifted one of her legs over his broad shoulder and before Y/N could even figure out what he was doing, Felix pressed his tongue against her clit. She let out a surprised gasp and giggled at the ticklish sensation. The lost boy felt how tense her leg was and reached for the girl's hand, holding it and drawing invisible circles on her palm. 

"Relax." He lifted his head and lightly squeezed her fingers, caressing it a little, then pushed his mouth against her slit, his hot breath warming her as his tongue slid over her clit. The comfort of his touch relaxed Y/N instantly as if the lost boy had enchanted her somehow. He pressed his rough tongue harder against her, burying his face between her legs as he ate her out. The girl could not control herself to keep her from moaning, but led the boy's pace with it, whenever something felt good. He buried his nails into the tender flesh of her thighs and with a swift move he pushed the girl down onto the ground, pushing his fingers faster into her. She could not tell which was tongue or fingers, the overflowing sensation spread inside her body up to her eyes as she felt how she got closer to her orgasm. When Felix’s jaw started to ache he broke apart, breathing heavily and leaving Y/N craving for more on the cold ground in the exact moment she would almost finish. Without saying a word the lost boy pulled himself up to her, placing some sloppy kisses on her mouth before placing his arms next to her, so that his weight would not be too much.

"I want you so much." He panted while he slowly let his thumb circle over her aroused clit. 

"Felix-" She pressed her lips onto his and stroked his hardened dick and pulled his torso closer to lead him to her wet entrance. The lost boy let out an uncontrollable moan as he pressed his dick against her dripping slit that already craved him so hard, slowly gliding in to make the girl feel every piece of his mighty cock. He stayed in this position for a moment to adjust this feeling and Y/N felt herself tighten around him, excitement overwhelming her body along with the smell of the lost boy intoxicating her mind.

"Fuck!" Felix hissed as he started to move in a steady motion. His lips caught her once more, pulling her into a long, passionate kiss. Y/N took a sharp breath and pushed her hand against his abdomen, when the lost boy moved, feeling like getting torn apart by him. The lost boy stopped for a moment, shoving one arm under her neck to hold her while his lips softly traced over her chest. After a short moment,  Felix moved again. Y/N buried her nails into his skin and rolled her eyes back as the lost boy thrusted into her core, slowly feeling herself relaxing in this position after a few strokes. The pain faded away and she melted into Felix's body as if he was meant to hold her. The sweetest words kept unsaid, too embarrassing, too emotional, still, there was something inside them both that felt more than just enjoying sex. It was Felix who took her virginity and the thought of being the one who took his let her heart skip faster. The second in command felt like a dream,- his sweaty, hot skin pressed tight against hers, his abs flexed and hardened during every move and he was just so fucking tall. Felix moved both of his hands down and cupped her naked butt, lifting Y/N up and pressing her against the bark of a tree. He buried his fingers into her tender flesh and left a trail of kisses on her neck as far as he would reach her. The lost boy held Y/N as if she weighed nothing, pressing her body tightly against his skin. She could not resist sinking her teeth into his neck, sucking on the delicate spot until she was sure he would not leave without a mark. As soon as Felix realised what she was doing, he pulled her head back by her hair. To his own surprise, she let out a light moan, feeling even more excited from his big hand in them. 

"The boys can't know." Felix purred into Y/N's ear before he licked over her neck, sinking his teeth lightly into her shoulder to hold him back from letting out another moan. 

"Harder!" The girl commanded for Felix's surprise, who had already thought he was already being too rough with her. The lost boy followed the order, pressing himself tighter against her before he paced up, pumping in and out. The sudden sensation flooded Y/N's body and she knew there was something building up inside her, an indescribable feeling of being high. Felix moans got higher, sometimes even stuck in his throat and she was sure he was close too and that he desperately wanted to climax. Before she could realise it, Felix swayed them back onto the ground, gripping her ankles and pressing them against his legs as she wrapped her arms around his neck to capture the lost boy in another kiss. 

"I am almost-" Felix spoke in a hoarse tone. It was so dark and Y/M really wished she could see his face at this moment. Felix was so vulnerable right now and even though his moans were the most beautiful melody in her ears, just the thought of a short glimpse of his face made her feel hotter.

"Felix." She purred when he suddenly hit a spot that would not stop making her feel like being on ecstasy. 

"I-." She gasped when the knot inside her stomach released and she felt her orgasm roaring through her body with thousands of tiny, electric waves. Jaw clenched and eyes pinched, Felix gave it to her in short, powerful bursts, filling her up with throbbing pumps. His abs flexed and his hands tightened around her ankles. He cursed. His body tensed, and she swore she felt his cock pulsing inside of her as he came in waves, thrusting in and out until he felt himself getting soft.

"Fuck…" Felix let her legs fall to the side as he bent to rest his head on her sweaty chest. "That was…"

She combed her fingers through his messy hair, almost out of words how incredibly good she felt. "That was something."

"Yeah." He kissed the spot between her breasts, "It was."

Felix pulled his dick out, not even seeing the mess he made but still wanting more. Neither of them wanted that night to end and for a while, Felix tried to find his clothes and Y/N thought of how she would clean herself up.

"C'mon." Felix whispered and she heard him step away. 

"Wait!" Y/N called and quickly grabbed her underwear- well, the only choice right now-, cleaning herself with it, before running after the tall blonde and crashing into his back.

"Easy, love." He chuckled and grabbed her under one of his arms and strutted towards the dark in one direction, knowing this place perfectly, even drunkenly and without light. 

"Where are we going?" The girl asked after what felt like an eternity for her, but in reality it was just a few minutes. The trees left some space for the moonlight now and gave her a chance to take a peak from the second in command's happy face. His cheeks were dyed a deep scarlet and his hair hung messy and full sweat down his face. 

"Trust me." He said and paced a little up before he came to halt in front of a big tree, the ladder up to it vanished behind some leaves. Felix climbed up first and lifted the girl up into the tree house when reached the trap door. Felix moved towards a small night desk and lit up a candle. As soon as the light flooded the room, Y/N saw the small cot and a self-made desk under one of the closed windows. 

"I built it myself." The lost boy grinned and proudly watched the awe in her face. She swirled around and looked at some little carvings that were placed on the wooden table. Some of them looked like her. When Y/N's eyes detected the little sculpture, she finally understood why she never saw the results and why he burned one earlier. The girl turned around to say something, but Felix stopped her immediately. Before she could say anything, Felix dropped down onto one knee and pulled her into a kiss. His tongue slid over her lips, begging for permission to enter. Without thinking about it, she opened her mouth and felt the lost boy's hand on her hips, pressing her against his body. 

"I never thought you would like me too." Felix moaned and eagerly kissed his way down her neck, back to her face and lips, repeating the same thing on the other side and showing how hungry he still was for the girl. Felix clearly had not been touched in a while, just like Y/N, so it was quite natural that they immediately would have a moment like this sooner or later. But why Felix? What was about him that made Y/N constantly crave more, causing her to feel like an addict without his drugs, whenever his lips left hers? Her cheeks heated up and she smiled in the kiss, thinking of the previous events, how Felix's hands felt on her skin. It was special to be with him and the girl's instincts told her that it was more than just sex, that Felix wanted more, too. 

"I want you again." Felix licked over his lips and looked at Y/N through half-opened eyes before he slowly melted back into another kiss, this time slow and passionate, synchronising with her while his hands moved down her hips and legs. He gently rubbed his hand against her inner thigh and wandered towards her crotch, to shove a finger inside her still wet hole. He smirked dirty when he felt his mess. Y/N wanted him so much, just like he craved her, maybe even a little more. 

"I want to get naked all night long." Felix purred as he pushed his fingers inside and out of Y/N, her light moans echoing in his ears. Without further commands, the girl slipped the dress over her shoulder, letting it elegantly slide down her now exposed body. Felix's cheeks flushed up into the deepest red, his eyes admiring every sight of her that he desired for so long, and truth be told, he was in awe. When the cotton touched the floor, the lost boy grabbed for the hem of his own shirt and ripped it off, then quickly unbuttoned his pants before he crossed them with his underwear through the room. When Felix pinned her down and pulled Y/N into another kiss, he was already hard again, his hot skin burning against hers as her mind drifted off into a feeling of ecstasy. The way Felix's hands trailed down her body gave her chills once more, kept her warm and made her feel wanted. 

"Pan would kill us for this." She mumbled into the kiss when the girl thought of how he protected her earlier, something he never did before and sure did not keep unnoticed to the other boys as well. It worried Y/N for a moment, thinking about how Pan always found out every secret, no matter how little it was. And this was definitely not a small secret, something that could be obvious to others. Or maybe Y/N was just paranoid. 

"Relax." Felix said, frowning at her words as if the same thought had bothered him for a while now, too. "He isn't here. He won't find out."

The blonde boy rolled over onto his back, pulling the girl with him so she would straddle him. The light of the candle danced over his sharp features, letting it shine in an orange light that spread down to his muscles, constantly catching her eyes as if they were glued on him. Felix always looked beautiful in the orange light of the fire. Every night she would catch herself staring at him. He was perfect. 

"You look so beautiful." Felix whispered more to himself than to her, then wiped some hair out of her face. "Unbelievable that someone like you chose someone weird like me."

Before Y/N could correct him, the second in command already captured her lips with his own, burying one hand in her hair while he kneaded one of her breasts with the other one. His words only flattered the girl and she felt the burning desire to finally be one with him again and melt into his body. Felix gasped at her touch and moaned into her mouth when she wrapped her hand around his dick, slowly pumping up and down while gently rubbing at the delicate tip. His member felt long and thick in her hands, but did not scare her off like earlier. Placing the tip at her wet entrance, she slowly slid down onto him, relieved that the lost boy did not push against back,. The stretching feeling made her feel like getting torn apart all over again and she  gave herself a moment to adjust to the size. The lost boy rolled his eyes back and shut them with a loud moan when he felt her walls tightened around, rubbing his thumbs against the tender flesh of her  hips, when she finally started to slowly move up and down. Seeing the ruthless second in command like this was really stunning and lovely to look at. Felix's mouth was slightly agape and the muscles on his forehead were constantly twitching, moving his eyebrows constantly around. Never had Y/N seen so much emotion in his face before. She  pressed her body against the lost boy and sucked at the tender part of Felix's neck. The lost boy used that moment as a chance to turn her over, holding Y/N tight in his arm, the other one holding his weight so he would not suffocate her while he was pumping in and out. Y/N moaned in ecstasy and ran her hands over his muscular back, feeling his skin against them and how his sweat dropped onto her body. She placed her legs on each side of his, clearly noticing the height difference and feeling like a delicate doll as he embraced her. Felix paced up and she rolled her eyes back when he entered in another angle to come even deeper. She never wanted this to stop and kept feeling how the lost boy filled her with his thick manhood, smelling his scent and feeling his hot skin burning against hers. Felix kissed his way down to her chest and caught one of her nipples between his lips, lightly starting to suck on them and intensing it with each time he thrusted in. These were the final strokes that caused Y/N's legs to shiver and tense up every muscle in her body as her climax roared through her whole body, up into her eyes into the back of her head. The lost boy grabbed Y/N's shoulders and when he came, too, the light of the candles danced in his beautiful, scrunched up face. It was a lie to say she did not like that view and the squeaking sound he made when Felix felt his orgasm deep inside her with throbbing pumps. Felix rolled next to the girl, trying to catch his breath and when he did so, he grabbed a towel from the bed for her. 

"We could have used the bed." Y/N broke the soothing silence after a while and Felix chuckled, then nodded in agreement.  

"Next time." He grinned, pulling his boxers up and placing himself back onto the ground. His eyes did not stop looking at the girl while she grabbed her dress and pulled it back over herself. For a long time they just looked at each other, laughing and giggling, kissing each other but remaining silent. This was clearly something none of them expected to happen. 

"What do you see in me?" Y/N suddenly asked, caughting the lost boy off guard, his facial expression went into full confusion. It took him a moment to think about her question before he simply smiled. His eyes would always melt at her sight and in that moment she needed no words from him to realise how much he was in love with her. The lost boy pulled Y/N closer to him and placed her head against his chest, lifted her on his arms and carried her to the bed where he would let himself fall onto the soft mattress. His legs hung over the wooden frame as he gently rubbed his hands over her back while listening to the beat of his heart. 

"I would never let anyone harm you." His voice was just a warm breeze on her earlobe, tickling her like a gentle kiss. 

"What about Pan?" She asked after a while and took a glimpse at his relaxed face and how her question did not seem to have woken any worries inside him now. He had brushed it off earlier.

"I think, actually, he knew way before me." Felix chuckled low and shook his head unbelieving. "He gave me a chance I got wasted."