#and aloth begins the talk…

[quinttyz]

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[dragonologist-writings]

Title: Deliverance Fandom: Pillars of Eternity Rating: T Status: One-Shot Characters: Watcher (Desta), Galawain, Aloth Ships: Minor Watcher/Aloth Additional Notes: OC Backstory, Godlike Lore, 'Family' Dynamics, SSS DLC Word Count: 3800 Summary:

Galawain did not fawn over his children. There was no point to it- the kith might bear his mark upon their souls, but they were still mere kith, here and then gone in the blink of an eye. Some of his fellow gods may have developed particular attachments to their own progeny, but such tripe was a foolish thing to indulge in. The children’s existence served its purpose, and any effort extended beyond their creation was impractical. Family can be complicated at the best of times. When your 'family' consists of an easily angered god who hates your guts, complicated doesn't even begin to describe it.

read below or here on ao3

“But above all, the Great Hound celebrates the… the transformative nature of strength. Galawain’s greatest desire is that the prey becomes predator, babes become hunters, and the lost find… um, they find…”

“The lost find their own enlightenment,” High Priestess Elayne supplied, her eyes narrowed slightly at the child standing before her. Teacher and student stood together in Galawain’s temple, conducting their recitations before the elaborately carved statue of the Seeker God. The temple was a small one, especially when compared with the grand cathedrals found in the south, but it was dutifully cared for and carried its own humble dignity. Galawain was, after all, a revered god in these parts; the Living Lands were full of hunters and explorers hoping to be blessed with the favor of the Lord of the Hunt.

Elayne had hoped the setting would inspire her young charge to show more dedication to her studies. It seemed her hopes had been in vain.

“And the lost find their own enlightenment,” Desta finished in a rush. She bit her lip and looked up at Elayne with apprehension. They’d been working on this lesson for the better part of the day, and the girl was no doubt ready to move on.

But the priestess’s job was to teach, not to coddle. She closed the book in her hands and sighed. “For all the time we’ve spent on it, your recitation has seen little improvement.”

“But I got almost all of it!” Desta protested. “I only needed a little help on the last few words!”

“And there lies your problem,” Elayne said. She rubbed her eyes with a sense of exhaustion. “Even now, you think of these teachings as only words. You’re simply repeating what you’ve memorized. Doesn’t this mean anything to you?”

Desta said nothing, though her nose wrinkled in ill-disguised distaste. Her shining golden eyes flickered quickly to Galawain’s statue, and she gave a noncommittal shrug.

“I would have thought that if the Book of the Hunt would resonate with anyone, it would be one of Galawain’s own children.”

A strange, contemplative look settled onto Desta’s face. “What if I’m not?”

“Not what?”

“One of Galawain’s children.” Desta looked up at the priestess, her voice challenging and hopeful in equal measures. “I was talking to some visiting hunters yesterday, and one of them said I look like a delemgan. He said they live in the trees, and they're all covered in green like me, and that some of them are nice. I could be one of those!”

Elayne blinked, alarmed by this sudden turn in their lesson. In all honesty, the child did resemble a delemgan, with her mossy coloring and the bits of foliage and fungi which sprouted from her skin. But Elayne had known Desta since the first day she had been brought to the temple as an infant; the girl’s features, once so strange, were now as familiar as her own reflection, and they could come from nothing but the touch of Galawain. “The delemgan are spirits," she explained, "and I can assure you that you are most certainly kith. Why would you think anything else?”

The bright-eyed hope radiating from Desta faded into a sullen pout at Elayne’s answer. Her arms crossed and she ran her hands over her skin, fingers tracing the trails of lichen that twisted up to her shoulders. “Some people call him the Father of Monsters. I’d rather be a spirit than a monster.”

Despite the near blasphemy of such a statement, a pang of sympathy rang through Elayne’s heart. She knelt down before the child, taking Desta’s hands in her own. “You are not a monster,” she said earnestly. “You are just as much a kith as anyone else. The only difference is that you have been chosen by a god for something greater than you yet know.”

Those words should have heartened her; gods only knew they had heartened Elayne time and time again over the years. But Desta’s face twisted into an angry scowl as she pulled her hands away. “Are you sure? Because I don't like any of Galawain's book. It’s all fighting and hunting and killing.” Her golden eyes burned into Elayne’s, full of the certainty only the young possess. “If Galawain chose me for that, I think he chose wrong!”

“Desta!” Goosebumps prickled down Elayne’s back; she could practically feel the stone eyes of Galawain boring into her from behind. “You should not question the gift you have been given!” The priestess took a calming breath. “I know his lessons can be harsh. Galawain is not a god to offer comfort or charity. What he offers is survival. Learning from him means learning how to be strong. This isn’t something to be afraid of.”

Desta’s chin stuck out defiantly. “I’m not afraid!”

“Good.” Elayne smiled and fondly brushed Desta’s hair back from her face. She pressed the Book of the Hunt into the child’s hands. “Galawain’s teachings will help you to realize the potential inside of you. Keep up your studies, and you will find understanding.”

The godlike child didn’t look completely convinced, but she took the book and accepted Elayne’s words as a dismissal. Before she left the temple, however, she turned back, eyes fixed on Galawain’s altar. “I’m not afraid,” she repeated. “And I don't care what you say, I’m not one of his monsters.”

With that, she turned and ran, back to her own room in the back of the temple. Elayne watched her go, worry and affection and befuddlement mixing inside of her. “You can’t deny she has spirit,” she muttered to the statue. That sort of nerve was something Galawain admired; Elayne only hoped the girl developed a steady mind to go along with it, and soon.

-

Galawain did not fawn over his children. There was no point to it- the kith might bear his mark upon their souls, but they were still mere kith, here and then gone in the blink of an eye. Some of his fellow gods may have developed particular attachments to their own progeny, but such tripe was a foolish thing to indulge in. The children’s existence served its purpose, and any effort extended beyond their creation was impractical.

Galawain was nothing if not practical. Even his worshipers received nothing from him without first fighting for it tooth and nail. There was no reason he should offer anything different to sentimental daughters who sat at the feet of statues and asked about things they could not comprehend.

Desta did not truly catch his notice until she became embroiled in Thaos’s plot. Before that, she had been drifting in the wind, dull and aimless. Her time in those days was pointlessly devoted to her precious paladins, guarding the weak who by all rights should have been culled from the herd. Even being transformed into a Watcher had happened through blind luck and circumstance rather than any competence on her part.

But she at least had his attention. He watched her embrace her newfound abilities, watched her become stronger and accumulate power. She was still soft-hearted and foolish; that much was plain when she squandered the potential of the regained souls by returning them, uselessly, to the Hollowborn. Yet despite all that, she had perseverance and a strong will, traits she had learned from Galawain’s teachings whether she acknowledged it or not.

Galawain could almost believe she had a chance stopping Eothas. Almost. What Berath failed to see was that they were already too late. Aside from that, his daughter lacked the ruthlessness and hungry cunning required to be anything more than a pawn in a tedious game. She was too easily swayed by emotions, too easily distracted by the need to save every pitiful weakling she came across. She would fail.

Knowing this, Galawain prepared for the worst. He was no fool; whatever Eothas was planning, he would not be around to suffer it. He would draw power from Kazuwari and the souls that worshiped him there. For as long as he needed, he would survive. What happened to Desta was no concern of his.

Until he realized she was set on entering Kazuwari. That was when his opinion of his wayward daughter shifted from disinterested irritation to true anger.

He gave her one chance to turn back. She did not heed him.

She had been growing bolder as of late, ever since Berath had foolishly revealed to her the purpose their godlike children served. Whatever respect for the gods that had managed to survive inside of Desta up to that point had been obliterated, and now she glared at Galawain with all the ineffective righteousness she had cultivated through all these years of playing the hero.

“I’m not going anywhere. These people need my help.”

Her help. Yes, Desta so loved to help people. Did she not realize that her help only made them weak?

Galawain’s answer came in a growl. “They will live and die by the ferocity of their wits and the edge of their blades. They need nothing from you when they have me.”

“If you think I’m turning my back on them because you told me to, you really have no idea who I am." Golden eyes blaze up at the being to whom this child owed her very existence. "These people asked me to come to their aid, and I’m going to, and no cowardly bastard pretending to be a god is going to stop me.”

She was brave, Galawain would not deny that. But bravery meant nothing if there was no intelligence behind it. Her presence on his island, as grating as it was, did not warrant concern. His daughter had always rejected his teachings, and without those the island would eat her alive.

-

Aloth had been worried about Desta since the minute they stepped onto this island.

Before that, even. From the moment she came out of her Watcher state on the ship, he knew something was amiss. After so long in her company, the glazed, faraway expression that came over her when she communicated with souls didn’t alarm him the way it used to. But this time… something was different. This time, she came out of it angry.

He hadn’t had a chance to ask her about it. They’d been fighting for their lives ever since they reached shore. Between the wilderness of the island and the kith that inhabited it, there was hardly a moment of peace to be found. Iselmyr, at least, seemed to be enjoying herself; Aloth quickly learned that it was a good idea to let her instincts sink in whenever they stepped into the Crucible arena.

Between staying alive and moderating Iselmyr’s bloodlust, Aloth did his best to watch out for Desta. For the most part, she seemed herself- valiant and bold and full of light even in the midst of battle. But Aloth saw the expression which settled on her face whenever she looked up at the depiction of Toamowhai towering over the arena. It was the same look she'd had when she came out of her Watcher state on the ship: desperate and lost and increasingly angry.

She continued to converse with souls after every match, and that fever in her eyes kept returning until at last it came to a boil. Her gaze had been fixed in the distance, lost to another conversation, until her golden eyes snapped back into focus and she shouted, “I’m not his!”

Her words stopped short as she blinked, reorienting herself, breathing heavily as she clutched the side of her head. Her gaze swept around the room, and only then did she seem to realize that her companions were staring at her. Without another word, she turned and stormed away.

Aloth followed. His mind was already racing with the very worst possibilities- he hadn’t seen her this distressed from a vision since their encounters with Thaos. “Desta, wait!”

At his words she stopped and looked back at him in surprise. Had she even noticed him following in her wake? Apparently not- she still wore that lost, desperate expression, and Aloth reached out to take her arm and lead her down the hallway where there were less people to stare. “What’s wrong?”

“I just can’t…” Her voice trailed off, and with a heavy groan she stepped back until she leaned against the wall.

“Is it Eothas? An Awakening? Are you hearing the whispers again?” Aloth was trying not to panic and failing miserably.

“No!" Desta's eyes widened in alarm. "No, I- I’m fine. It’s nothing like that. It’s just that I… really hate being here.”

“Oh.” With that reassurance, Aloth’s heartbeat was able to slow back to its normal speed, and he moved to stand against the wall next to Desta. “This may surprise you, but I must admit this isn’t my favorite place, either.”

She grinned weakly. “That spider did give you quite the scare, didn’t it?”

“Hmph. It’s going to take weeks to get spider silk out of my robes.”

A chuckle escaped from Desta’s lips, and she threaded her fingers gently through Aloth’s. They stood quietly like that for a moment, holding hands in simple silence. Aloth knew Desta better than he knew anyone; if she wanted to tell him what she was thinking, she would.

Sure enough, Desta eventually let out a sigh. “It’s just that this place is like a giant monument to everything I ever wanted to leave behind me. All of this ‘seeker, slayer, survivor’ stuff- it may be the Toamowhai version, but it’s the same Galawain philosophy I heard my entire childhood. For years I thought that was what my life would be.”

Aloth frowned. Desta didn’t speak much of her childhood days spent at Galawain's temple. All he knew was that she hadn't enjoyed it; she'd never been interested in giving any more detail than that. Now she spoke quickly, as if she couldn’t stop the memories from spilling out. “Eventually I decided that none of that was for me. I left it all behind, and I thought I was living my own life. But it turns out none of the godlike in the world are living their own life, because the gods could just end it for their own purpose anytime they want, and that’s the only reason we exist!”

Desta’s last words came out in an explosion of anger, and she punctuated her sentence by slamming her fist into the wall behind them. She screwed her eyes shut, fist still clenched, and took a few deep breaths.

“Hey,” Aloth said, tightening his grip on her hand. “It’s okay. You’re here. You’re safe. Just breathe.” He remembered too vividly the night she’d received that particular vision. She’d woken in an angry panic, but refused to speak of what she'd learned. It had taken weeks for Aloth to piece together the entire story. Thinking about it now, it was a wonder Desta hadn’t blasted the Toamowhai statue to bits when they first arrived.

Beside him, Desta was still breathing deeply, leaning into his touch. “I’m okay. Thanks. I can deal with it. I hate it, but I can deal with it.” Her eyes hardened. “What I can’t deal with right now is every soul in this place singing Galawain’s praises and being so delighted their candidate for Champion is a 'true reflection of Toamowhai'. I thought I was strong enough to do this on my own, but it’s hard to believe that when everybody else believes that all my strength is really his.”

Aloth was completely out of his depth. He hated seeing Desta like this, so angry at herself, but didn’t know if he had the words to make any of it better. Desta was the one who was usually good at this sort of thing- the support, the hope, the optimism.

Perhaps she just needed to be reminded of it.

“Do you remember,” he said slowly, “when I told you that my father’s treatment of me was what made me a successful wizard?”

Desta's mouth pressed into a thin line of disapproval, as it often did when the subject of Aloth’s father came up. “I’m pretty sure I called him some names. A lot of names. Why?”

Aloth smiled. “After you were done calling him names, you told me that was ridiculous. You said I got to where I was through my own actions, and that giving credit to someone who mistreated me was doing myself a disservice.”

Desta gave him an appraising look."Did I say that?"

"You did."

“I don’t say this often enough, but you’re a good listener.”

“And you give good advice. Advice that perhaps you should listen to.” He leaned his head against Desta’s shoulder. She smelled of fresh earth and morning grass- a unique scent, and a pleasant one, and one he’d missed deeply over their years apart. “Family can do things that are unforgivable. Those things can shape you. But they do not define you. Your strengths, your choices… those are yours. Even being here proves that. Galawain didn’t want you to come, did he? And yet here you are.”

“Because if I don’t do something, this whole island will die and take all the kith here with it.”

“And you wouldn’t be Desta if you didn’t do everything in your power to stop that from happening.”

Desta nodded, and Aloth was relieved to see that her bright, determined smile had returned. For once, he seemed to have said something right. She squeezed his hand once more and leaned forward to give him a light kiss on the cheek. “You're right. Let’s go. We have a championship to win.”

-

Desta could feel Galawain’s anger.

It hit her like a wave, amplified by her Watcher senses. In the distance she could still faintly detect his beast, restless and hungry for a fight. Galawain was there, in the physical world, channeled through his monster pet. And he was here, in the in-between place, standing furiously before Desta.

“This is my temple! My island! My security against Eothas’s madness! What did you do?”

“I saved this place!” Desta shouted, fighting to be heard over the roar of Galawain’s displeasure. The suffocating rage in the air lessened slightly at her words, and she glared up at the god, wondering why he was reacting in such a way. For all he may have hated her, she could have severed his connection to the island completely. She could have let his precious island fester and rot, and wouldn’t that have been the cunning, ruthless revenge a child of the Hunt would take against their enemy?

But the kith who lived here, the spirits that coursed through the island- they didn’t deserve that. So Desta had saved them, and Galawain’s temple with it.

“The Crucible lives on, then,” Galawain mused. His form, immense and overpowering, shifted slightly, like mist in a breeze. “I did not expect this. Not from you.”

“You don’t know me.”

“But I do.” Galwain’s gaze was piercing. “You are a willful, contrary creature. You neither understand nor respect that which is greater than you. You blunder into my domain and play at being Champion, but what do you know of this place? The Crucible is a testament to my essence. A safeguard against the rash and foolish decisions of the other gods. It is mine.”

“And is that what the great Galawain plans to do against the threat of Eothas? Retreat to his island, alone?” That was exactly what he would do- Desta knew that. But even here, even now, she had to try and find something worthwhile in him. “You know you can do more than that. You say you’re so strong and powerful- prove it! Help us!”

His reply came as callous as she expected, but it still stung. “Help who? There are none who deserve my aid.”

Desta shook her head. “That’s not true, and you know it. You’re just a coward.”

The rush of anger was expected this time, but it still knocked the breath from Desta's lungs. The power of Galawain’s fury pressed in on her from all sides, the weight focused on her very soul. And then just as suddenly as it came, it was gone again, leaving Desta gasping and reeling. From above her, Galawain glowered with satisfaction.

 “You forget how fragile your own existence is.”

Desta forced herself to stand upright once more. She was not in any physical pain, but she felt as though she'd just walked a mile through a biawac. Galawain had restrained himself from killing her, but only just barely. Why he stopped, she didn’t understand. Maybe it was his way of inspiring fear, of reminding her of what he could do. Maybe the conflicting chime Berath had sowed within her was beginning to affect his control.

Either way, Desta was sick of putting up with his threats. Her grip tightened on her mace, and with a familiar rush of certainty she ignited the weapon with flickering blue flames. “If you wanted to fight, all you had to do was ask.”

Galawain grinned mockingly at her. “Very well, Champion.” And with that, his image dissipated completely, leaving behind only the porokoa staring at Desta with hungry eyes.

Desta was almost sorry to kill the creature. It was a mindless beast, created and controlled by Galawain. But it had tried to eat her, and that soothed her remorse as she released its energy back into the island it had sprung from.

A load seemed to lift from her shoulders as she did so. She'd done it. She had stood before Galawain- not a statue, but Galawain- and had told him he was wrong.

It didn’t change anything. He was still here, hoarding his strength and not caring about anything but himself.

But Desta was here, too. And maybe she was here because she'd learned something about strength from Galawain, after all. Maybe he had started her on this path. But she was also here because it was the path she had chosen, and she intended to keep forging ahead on her own. She was going to find Eothas. She was going to save this world.

For now, she was going to go back to her ship, hand-in-hand with Aloth, her friends at her side, all part of a little makeshift family that was strange and messy and hers. As she left the arena, she pulled the thick, embroidered cloak tighter around her shoulders. Accepting the Champion's mantle still felt strange. Blasphemous, even. But she had earned it, in spite of Galawain’s disapproval.

And if he ever wanted it back, he could just try to come and take it from her.

[serenfire]

pillars of eternity: my two cents

tl;dr: it is well written, but doesn't compel me--and trying to pinpoint why is hard

I was absolutely invested in pillars of eternity: through the many race and ancestry options with explanatory text that i hoped would mean something to me as i started playing it, through the establishment of why the PC is traveling to the dyrwood, all the way up until the inciting incident: simply stumbling upon an evil ritual made my character's soul, um…experience something…and now I can reach into other people's souls and divine things about them!

why is that, you ask? well, when i stumble into gilded vale and get the supernatural impulse to talk to the soul of the dead woman hanging from the tree (extremely cool set-up for a lore dump, by the way), she immediately says: oh! you're a watcher! and that means [wall of text of names and dates and places you absolutely cannot stick in your head]!!

i begin playing the game and i want to experience the affects of this specific setting. and yet. and yet.

wow, what does that mean about the land i've stumbled into: with animancy persecuted and therefore any experimental way to try to get my soul back in order obviously something i would have to seek out in the dead of night and look over my shoulder all the while, and every child being born without a soul meaning that the miasma of hopelessness and despair has fully settled over everyone, all the while dealing with the knowledge that they killed one of their gods. that must have interesting effects on the specific companions and people you meet!

um. well. if you wanted to be told about what one woman's solution to helping women birth children and discovering that they're hollowborn, and the lengths she went through to hide it, you can make sure to follow the grieving mother's dialogue trees in just the right order throughout the entirety of the main game, just to get the explanation at the end of it!

(no chance for my character to be involved in a scenario like that, or to have to make a choice with similar stakes and notions for the change on the community…? no? okay.)

the idea of awakening seems cool, though. aloth obviously has something going on with his soul, and an almost irrational hatred of animancy to go along with it. that seems like foreshadowing!

right, well, when you meet iselmyr, she isn't a full-fledged character you can actually interact with. she doesn't have a companion quest, and if you follow the line of options to get aloth more comfortable with living with iselmyr, she doesn't have any mechanical benefits in battle, and, again--she does not become a companion you can talk to! she exists as worldbuilding, mostly: when souls are awakened, and have to share space with reincarnated ones, you can't undo it. this does not translate to "isemlyr being present and the PC being able to talk to her"--i would like to talk to her! and i can't!!

i start to understand the worldbuilding…

about ten hours in i started writing down the lore information i was told, and finally could tell the difference between waidwen and wael and woedica (and a side note: was there no pronunciation guide for the voice acting? i heard at least two variations of every single name or created word pronounced, and that did NOT help me remember which was which). then the expanse of the world started making sense to me: waidwen and readceras's assault on the dyrwood, them blowing him up with the godhammer bomb, the resulting fallout of people clashing against one another and the start of waidwen's legacy and how it is absolutely decimating the dyrwood.

and yet, all of this very cool fantasy lore information was exclusively presented to me as history! as stuff that had already happened, that i--now extremely important in the narrative because i am a one-of-a-kind watcher and i need to hunt down the Big Bad who will literally use millions of trapped souls for his evil plan--have no way of interacting with. none of the lore that happens is something i interact with or have a hand in changing! it is all background text that happened to other people long ago.

…and the worldbuilding isn't affecting the texture of the story!

the gameplay loop of pillars of eternity is: go to a new town, learn the background worldbuilding information for that place, search around it for hints of the Big Bad, help some people and factions further their own ends, find a trail, go to the next place.

But do any of the immediate life situations of the people you meet in each place seem to be reflecting the themes that the setting impresses upon you: especially the unique mix of hopelessness and agency thrust upon you when you know that you as mortals have just killed a god, and routed out his followers!, so what the hell do you do now? the foundation of your beliefs of the world has exploded, how does that change…everything??

no they don't! eder's companion quest doesn't even grapple with his PERSONAL point of view on eothas and waidwen and what to do when your god is seemingly dead!! it is simply him wondering what the personal struggle was like for his brother, and why he chose to join waidwen's forces--and when the search ends up inconclusive, eder doesn't make a personal choice to have his belief changed in any way because of it! i'm going insane!! pillars of eternity sit down and make a character choice tie into the theme of the lush fantasy setting you created, i dare you!

durance, you ask? durance who has an immediately intriguing relationship with magran and divinity from which his priestly power comes from, and shows it by being the most annoying member of the group (complimentary)? his history revealed in his companion quest tied in the most to the background and themes of the pillars of eternity world, and i have no complaints on the writing or the way that it's delivered. except for this: the fact that all the important events that have changed his life, and changed the way the dyrwood functions as a whole, are all reminiscing about the past! we don't experience any of it! we don't get to make choices about any of it! where is the player agency in this!!

this is why i needed durance and the devil of caroc to actually INTERACT with each other in the white march dlc. extensively. about the cool worldbuilding stuff they both experienced in polar opposite ways. and maybe eder to come to some conclusion about eothas and the divine and his feelings trapped between two worlds--not supporting waidwen/readceras but still worshipping eothas.

(and maybe maneha to have a unique character impact of being ondra's giftbringer, some personal point of view that justifies why she is serving a goddess in a world that is seeming to just start breaking away from divinity. and hiravias to come to some conclusion about his glanfathan heritage but his distance from the culture due to his exile--struggling to integrate back in when we visit twin elms, or perhaps attempting to assimilate into the dyrwood instead, or something! something!!)

tl;dr:

i don't know, y'all. there's so much juicy stuff in the lore of pillars of eternity, and its recent history especially, but to me it would have been so much more impactful if the character was part of those events and had any personal stakes in it or agency on the outcome. it's why i have played witcher 2 through so many times--for all of its flaws, it boils a large political scope into very personal stakes, and the choices you make throughout ripple throughout the world at large. you intuitively understand the political situation of temeria by the end of it, because you made those decisions and saw the outcome!

a note on the short stories & guidebook

about twenty hours into the game, i started to get very interested in the fact that i was not interested in the story of pillars of eternity. so interested that i took a weekend to read all the short stories, and i am currently finishing the guidebook.

i think the short stories exemplify most of the problems i had with the narrative: aside from the short story focused on eder (which is far and away the best), they do not grapple with the themes of the setting. they do not react to the big societal changes, or react in personal ways to any embodiments of it. sagani goes on a murder mystery. aloth accidentally does animancy while trying to join a club at school. even blood register, which is specifically about the ethik nol's human sacrifice to bolster the rest of the community, only presents that fact as information! the characters are simply discovering this, and discovering the hollowborn epidemic--what do they do about it? kill the representatives of the ethik nol that told them about it in anger, i guess! and go back to normal!

the house of wael stands on its own as a short story--i'd call it more of a novella, as its much longer than the others, and, for the first time, in a writing style that isn't just a copy-paste of the game's writing style! it actually takes the setting of pillars of eternity and crafts a different narrative in a corner of the world that we would not be exposed to otherwise. and plot happens in it! an interesting little psychological mystery wrapped up in a unique setting.

guidebook: good at what its trying to do. reading it after i finished the game was the first time i was able to visualize the timeline of history--how the nations currently in the world came to be, the fact that the aedyran empire and the old vailian empire are…different empires…in my defense, the aedyran empire is "that nation that the dyrwood gained its independence from a while ago" and the vailian republics also branched off from an older empire to become what they are now. simple mistake to make.

guidebook also: not trying to give you any more worldbuilding information than what was in the game, just simplify it in a condensed narrative. if you're looking for more than an overview of the concepts presented in-game (for instance, if you were trying to see if any seeds of inspiration spoke to you about perhaps trying out the pillars of eternity ttrpg system), you're not going to get anything from it.

that's it i think i finished ranting

now it's time for me to say nice things about the game, because i truly did enjoy a fair amount of my 45 hours playing it (and i enjoyed trying to figure out why i didn't like the story, so that counts too):

the art is beautiful. the visual style of the maps really enhance the worldbuilding and presentation as more than just some generic fantasy medieval setting.

the combat has so many layers. if you care about optimizing RTwP gameplay, especially managing buffs and debuffs to kill boss monsters, this is the game for you.

i really do like the lyrical and methodical style of writing presented in this. the constant unique descriptions of how lines are said, the way that exposition is woven into conversations…it excels at being very unhurried. the point is the atmosphere and impression you get from absorbing all of it, not necessarily that you understand every historical piece of it. and i did get an impression! an impression so good i wanted to figure out how i thought it could be better!

so that's my review of pillars of eternity. i'm waiting for deadfire to go on sale to buy it, and i will then play it and hope that lowering the stakes to "you adventure around on a pirate ship" helps the player agency in the narrative somewhat. if you made it to the end, you must really care about this game from a decade ago and that is awesome. thanks for reading my 2k words of me doing writing critique on this game :)

[bragganhyl]

38. “i’m not scared but if you are, you can hold my hand.” fluff prompt with Aloth and Guara. Bonus points if Aloth is scared :D

Thank you, Anon, here you go 😊 It's not quite as tooth-rottingly fluffy as I planned, but it's still soft. It takes place at the beginning of Act 3 of PoE 1 so after a certain reveal

Word count: about 1630 words

There were nights when Caed Nua felt like a realm of its own: a strange pocket of space and memory somewhere midway to the In-Between. The night sky was clear and the full moon shone so brightly, that it’s gentle light managed to burst through even the thick, drawn curtains concealing the windows to Gaura’s room. The moonlight mingled with and clashed against the light of the Watcher’s face in the otherwise dark room and as her ears were filled with the voices of long dead souls still lingering by her home, she couldn’t help but feel like she was looking at a reflection.

She hasn’t heard any recent news about the riots since she fled Defiance Bay. For all she knew, it might have been still happening in that very moment, deep in the night. It was late, too late, to have such thoughts on her mind, to have such worries plaguing her. If she allowed them to linger within her, she wouldn’t sleep that night at all. She got out of bed and put on her boots. She made a silly sight wearing the finely made leather footwear and her ill fitting nightgown, but it was a passable attire for a late night stroll.

The Watcher quietly left her room and sneaked downstairs, but just as she was about to leave Brighthollow, she noticed light coming from one of the rooms – based on her familiarity, she assumed the hearth was lit by the reading corner she had set up. She cautiously approached the source of the light, only to find Aloth sitting by the fire, arms wrapped around his knees, seemingly doing nothing, watching the logs burning deep in thought. He looked up as she slowly made her way to his side. He only seemed surprised by her for a fraction of a moment, and even then his reaction was dulled by his exhaustion.

‘Can’t sleep either?’ Gaura sat beside him. Aloth took note of her proximity and seemingly shrunk where he sat.

‘I can’t stop thinking about Defiance Bay,’ he spoke quietly as anguish flashed in his eyes, then just as quickly as it appeared, his expression was replaced by one of guilt. For a moment, silence filled the small space between the two of them. Only the shadows moved, dancing on the walls to the soft crackling of the hearth.

‘Yeah, me neither.’

The Watcher wasn’t sure what else she could say. They haven’t had a chance to talk, alone, just the two of them, since the riots began and Aloth confessed about his affiliations. He was a member of the Leaden Key. The group behind the riots, behind the murder of Lady Webb, behind Waidwen’s Legacy. The group that marked her and Kana for death.

And yet, when Gaura found their hideout under First Fires, she could walk right in there and walk out without anyone noticing the infiltration. It seemed to her, no one knew more than the least amount of information they needed to complete their missions. Not even the higher ranking members asked more questions from their underlings than what they absolutely needed answered. Chances are none of them even knew about the kill orders Thaos placed on her and Kana.

None of them, except for Aloth.

She has given him so many opportunities to turn on her. He could have given her identity away when she entered the Temple of Woedica. He could have helped those of his fellows that waited for her and her companions by the entrance of the Endless Paths, after they recovered the pieces of the Tanvii Ora Toha. He could have just pretended a spell of his went astray, during any of the battles they fought together. During any battle where she took it upon herself to keep him safe and in turn he watched her back. He could have struck her down in her sleep in the home she shared with him.

Now he sat beside her, tense, as if it took every last bit of his strength to avoid looking at her, to stop himself from asking for the comfort she was more than willing to give.

‘Do you want to talk?’ The Watcher broke the silence. Aloth gave her a look that she couldn’t quite read.

‘If… If you want to learn more about the Leaden Key, I’m not sure if I can help,’ he said. His gaze slightly drifted away, and lingered on a spot by her shoulder. ‘I feel like I learned more about their motivations following you, than I did working for them,’ there was a hint of gratitude hiding in the tone of his admission. ‘And you have seen how they operate, I’m not quite sure what else I could add about that.’ Aloth’s gaze met hers again. His look was apologetic and tired.

The Watcher shrugged hesitantly. ‘We can just talk. About anything. It doesn’t have to be about the Leaden Key,’ to give her words some weight, she moved closer to him. She half-expected that he would keep his distance, that maybe he would move even farther away from her than their original distance. But Aloth stayed where he was, seemingly taken aback by the offer, then a moment later a shy smile tugged at his lips and he turned away.

‘Forgive me, I’m… not really accustomed to…’ as he was trying to find the right word, something seemed to have occurred to him. A short laugh bubbled up from him that seemed to have removed an enormous weight from his shoulders. Gaura was almost convinced Iselmyr came forward, but Aloth continued. ‘You, I suppose. And to the kind of acceptance you have been showing me.’ He sighed as he looked towards the hearth, reminiscing. ‘I don’t think you realize what this means to me.’

The Watcher felt her hair flutter. ‘Don’t mention it,’ she hastily smoothed down a mischievous flame, ‘I… I meant what I said on the bridge.’ She averted her gaze from him as she took a deep breath. ‘I need you by my side.’

Aloth didn’t answer at first. When the silence started to grow uncomfortable, Gaura risked a glimpse, only to see the wizard shift, moving to sit on his trembling hands.

‘And I needed to hear that,’ he responded eventually, ‘more than I realized. Truth be told, I was terrified coming forward about my allegiance to the Leaden Key and… even the best case I had in mind didn’t involve… being treated as a friend.’ The wizard shook his head. He flinched at a thought and Gaura knew, it was best not to ask what the worst case he thought was. ‘All my life I have been following the paths people more powerful than I laid out ahead of me,’ he continued. ‘Whether it was my father, the erl he worked for,’ he let out a bitter, rueful chuckle, ‘even joining the Leaden Key was a desperate attempt to free myself from them. I remember those days… it felt like the world was closing in around me, until there was nothing left but the path I never wanted to take. So I… to use your words… exchanged one master for another,’ he sighed. ‘I was somewhat aware of the danger of doing so but I didn’t realize the true cost that I would have to pay, until I met you. I… I apologize for thinking you wouldn’t be any different from them. It was unfair of me to think so, you’ve never given me a reason to think that way, I just…’

Unable to explain himself, Aloth shrugged. The movement looked stiff with tension, however.

‘No need to apologize. You said it yourself, you… didn’t know how to expect better.’

Aloth turned to her. He watched her intently, as if he wanted to etch that moment deep into his memory. He watched her as if he discovered something rare and… awe-inspiring.

‘The world feels a lot bigger right now,’ goosebumps formed on the wizard’s arms as he came to the realization. ‘I admit, I’m a little terrified of it.’

Gaura smiled at him. ‘You sound like a novice expeditioner,’ she chuckled as she thought of her homeland, ‘the fear will go away, once you’ve done a little exploration and developed a taste for it.’ The Watcher then stood up and reached down towards Aloth. ‘Until then, if you’re scared you can hold my hand.’

Aloth blinked up at her. Then he looked at the hand she extended towards him. Gaura could’ve sworn she saw a faint blush color his cheeks as he placed a hand in hers. She pulled him up with a light tug and guided him away from the hearth, up the stairs, to his room.

‘Get some sleep, we have long days ahead,’ the Watcher said good night, only to find that the wizard wasn’t ready to let her go. He slightly raised their clasped hands and placed his free hand on top of them. He let his eyes close as he took a deep breath, and when he opened them again, he looked like he gained whatever comfort he needed.

‘Thank you,’ he ran a thumb along her knuckles as he spoke, ‘for everything.’ He let her go reluctantly and entered his room. He looked back at her, half-hidden by the door to wish her a good night.

Gaura was alone again. As she made her way to her room, the warmth of Aloth’s hand lingering on her palm, she remembered his words and she agreed: the world felt much bigger in that moment. She couldn’t afford to be afraid when Defiance Bay needed her to set things right. She had no reason to be afraid when she was safe in Caed Nua, surrounded by people she could trust. With her life.

[zwierzodudle]

the forgotten sanctum dlc sure is something

[adozentothedawn]

Vela's adoption! Iwanna hear about that one >:3

Ask is here.

Vela's adoption is actully one of my oldest wips and was begun before I even made Favaen.

It's based on my very first Pillars fic just called Vela, which is a short one shot from her perspective about growing up with my Watcher Francesca as her mother. That one is written in short meaningful episodes in her life, which Vela's adoption is meant to expand on, beginning with her adoption. Francesca actually didn't steal her (mostly because I didn't realize you could and then just built on that) but instead spent a year pining before finally getting off her ass and negotiating to adopt Vela under the pretense of diplomacy.

The Watcher was ready. She had spent the last months preparing for what she was about to do, had secured the Castle and had spent such an extensive amount of time on research, that even Aloth would be proud. (If he hadn't decided to be a bastard and left in the middle of the night, without even a letter left behind.)

And yet, standing here in front of The Passage of the Six she didn't feel prepared at all. She leaned on the wall trying to breath evenly. Lupa clearly felt her tension and was pacing in front of entrance watching for enemies. She sighed and kneeled down to coddle her a bit. It wouldn't do to have her start growling in the middle of the ceremony, just because she couldn't properly control her jitters. Besides, it was undeniably therapeutic to sit on the ground, hugging a giant fuzzy animal.

Lliras came to her, only slightly surprised to see her sitting in the dirt, wearing an expression of doubt. The Watcher only glanced at him and continued petting her wolf.

“Are you certain this is a good idea?” She did not look up to him again, fearing that her face would betray own doubts. Her voice did not waver though.

“Lliras, we’ve talked about this. She’s not safe here. She will be with me. I promise, I’ll give her a good home.”

She’d always been better at convincing others than herself. She only hoped, that still remained true. He did not seem entirely convinced but sighed defeatedly.

“I know you did a lot for our people, for me and her specifically. Nonetheless I find it difficult to give her up to a stranger.” She raised an eyebrow and glanced in his direction.

“You had no problem asking a stranger to kill your father.” He frowned at her.

“You know that is not the same. Besides, you have an excellent reputation as a killer, but certainly not as a caretaker.”

Now that was just insulting. The Watcher turned sharply and stared at him much harder than before. Lupa yapped slightly when her grip suddenly grew tighter.

“I will have you know that I am not actually in the business of assassinating people.” Lliras was not impressed by that. He’d spent enough time negotiating with her in the last year to recognize when there was no bite behind the bark.

“I believe there is a battalion of mercenaries that would beg to differ. And a few white elves. And few Ethik Nol druids. And, if rumors can be believed, a dragon. I'm sure there are quite a few more of that sort. Not that it matters. Reality is rarely the same as a reputation.” Her face grew tighter and tighter and for a second Lliras was afraid he'd gone too far. But then she relaxed again and went back to spoiling the wolf.

“Sometimes you surprise me still, ri fath.” Not an accurate title anymore, but he’d have to live with that.

Mind you, all of that is still pretty unedited even if I've had it for a while.^^° I also really think I've gotten a little better since then. I do still like it though and refuse to just abandon the idea.

[babineni]

Fluff 20 - "Don't tell me not to worry, because I'm going to do that anyway."

Thank you, I had fun writing this 💖 I hope you like it

—

'I did it,' Gaura barely believed her own words. 'Guys, I did it!' She yelled over her shoulder. The Watcher turned around, and waited for a response, but the only things she received were wide-eyed stares at the creature behind her and a heavy puff of smoke being breathed upon her.

A few hours earlier, Gaura along with Aloth and Edér landed on an uninhabited island. There was a chant, that she wanted to master - a chant that could summon a sky dragon and have it under her control. The Watcher, however, was never good at summoning songs, and this one was particularly difficult even among them. Which is why Gaura decided to practice away from her ship - as well as the reason why the two men refused to let her go alone.

'Seriously, there is no need for this,' the Watcher led the way into the depths of the wilderness. 'I probably won't be able to manifest the dragon in the first place.'

'And if you do, and you lose control over it, you'll need every help you can get to defeat it,' Aloth's frustration was palpable in his voice. 'This is an unnecessary and reckless endeavour, Gaura. You are already strong enough to face anything the Deadfire can throw at you, and you have us, you don't need to take such risks.'

'Dunno about that,' Edér replied, 'we are hunting a giant, untouchable, adra colossus... maybe the dragon could distract it for about... let's say half a minute before he smashes us anyway.'

Gaura rolled her eyes. 'Thanks for the vote of confidence,' she grumbled. A moment later the woods cleared and a small, swampy but open space appeared in front of the Watcher. 'Perfect,' she said as she turned back to her companions. 'Alright, I'll just dig up my songbooks, and I'll be ready to begin.'

Aloth answered with a long, exasperated sigh.

'I'll be fine,' the Watcher stepped closer to the wizard and took his face in her hands. 'Don't worry about me.'

'Don't tell me not to worry about you, because I will be doing that, anyway,' Aloth frowned but didn't pull away. Gaura kissed him tenderly, and it softened the elf's expression, but his eyes still reflected his concern.

'You can keep an eye on me, if you'd like,' Gaura shrugged and stepped away. 'But I bet this will be pretty boring for the two of you.'

'You just make sure not to get your head bit off. We'll enjoy the show,' Edér approached the Watcher. He pulled her to himself by her waist and left a lingering kiss on her lips. 'For luck,' he added with a smirk and a wink. Then he took Aloth by the shoulder and together they started searching for someplace relatively clean and dry to sit.

Just as Gaura suspected, her first few dozen tries didn't yield a decent result. Most of the time, nothing happened. Other times, she felt the ether around her shift and form a massive shape, only to fall apart as soon as she stopped singing. Aloth's worst fear did not come to pass, as the Watcher never managed to make the material she summoned take a stable form long enough to pose a threat. But Gaura didn't give up. Her musical attacks were quick, accurate, complex and powerful, she reminded herself. She could channel all that and more into that dragon.

The Great Wyrm Flew O'er the Mountains

The ether responded. It slowly merged the memories lingering on the island into a gigantic, fearful shape. Soon, Gaura could make out its limbs, then its scales, then its eyes staring back at her intently.

Edér and Aloth rushed to the Watcher's side, ready to repel the attacks of the creature. But it didn't move or talk, it merely waited for instructions.

'Alright,' Gaura let out a relieved chuckle, 'let's see... Lift your left wing. Only your left wing.'

The dragon gave her a perplexed look but complied.

'Oh. My... Lower your wing and whip your tail to the side.'

The dragon obliged and knocked down several trees behind it. The Watcher let out a happy yell. She stepped closer to the beast and waved to the others to follow. Edér was eager to do so, but Aloth stood, shocked, as if his legs themselves rooted him in place. The veteran took a few steps before he noticed the elf's reluctance. He reached back and pulled him along by his wrist.

'It's alright, it's not going to hurt us,' Gaura assured them while she reached for the dragon's belly. A surprised but joyful gasp left her when her fingers touched the scales. 'Lower your head so we can pet you,' she called out to the creature.

The dragon leaned down to the Watcher's eye level and just as she claimed, she started scratching a spot on the side of its face. Edér walked past the Watcher, to the dragon's neck. He let go of Aloth so he could pet the dragon with both hands.

'Gaura, just so you know,' he said in awe, 'this... might just be the happiest day of my life,' his words turned into a staggered laugh, which the Watcher returned.

Aloth, however, almost seemed to have shrunk in frame and his face reflected nothing but anxiety. Gaura lightly took his hand and guided him to her place. She cradled his body from behind as she led his hand to a spot between the dragon's nostrils.

'O... Oh.' That was all he could say when his palm made contact with the creature. The wizard's gaze met the dragon's and for a few moments he watched his reflection in those amber eyes. He watched himself as he was embraced by the Watcher first, then a moment later, Edér joined them and wrapped his arms around them both as best as he could. Aloth seemed to have relaxed at the sight, and Gaura could've sworn she saw his reflection smile at the three of them.

Then the dragon disappeared, leaving the three of them in a somewhat uncomfortable but comforting hug, laughing with relief and happiness.

[cousinslavellan-archive]

Spun in a Circle

The Sea is calm, the night is young, and the crew is in good Spirits. What better time is there to play pass-the-Watcher?

[HI I’m writing Pillars of Eternity: Deadfire fic because I’m loving this game why not. My Watcher still doesn’t have a name because I suck help. Tekēhu/Watcher, though pre-relationship here! Also on my AO3 ]

It’s a night like any other, days out from the shores of Neketaka.

The sea is calm and the sky is clear - and perhaps the only difference, this night, is that everyone is above decks.

It’s not long into the evening that the singing begins - at first just a low hum, and then a loud chorus as the entire crew takes up the melody, spirits high and souls alight.

It is a common occurrence, here on The Defiant - Tekēhu has heard it nearly every night since joining the myriad companions of the Watcher of Cad Nua - a testament to how well their Captain looks after them, he is sure.

She is a mystery, their Watcher - a Pale Elf from the Living Lands, says Edér, quiet and diplomatic until pushed beyond what can be solved with words - amber eyes burning bright with a fire as hot as the spells she controls.

She would be easy to overlook, had he not seen her in action - seen the way she bends elements and communes with Spirits, at once foreboding and welcoming, a force of nature seeking her purpose.

But here, with her Crew, their Watcher is open - there is a guard behind her smiles, a sense of detachment - and yet she is always willing to talk, to listen, to laugh and engage.

So it is when Serafen catches her wrist amidst the singing, smirking and tugging her into some form of Príncipi jig, that the Watcher goes with no more than a lifted brow and rolled eyes.

The singing of the crew swells, seeing their Captain now up and dancing, and it thus seems to become a game of pass-the-Watcher.

Serafen leads her through a full run of the jig, laughing openly at her missteps and making her laugh in return, before passing her off to the nearest of their Companions.

Aloth pauses to bow, just a touch, before leading her in a slightly more structured dance, correcting her gently when she steps on his foot.

Edér links arms with the Watcher and starts them first in one direction, then the other, their Watcher’s laughter and ease telling Tekēhu that she’s done this dance before.

Pallegina hesitates a moment before attempting a quick two step, lips quirking in amusement when the Watcher only shakes her head and laughs at her own failure.

Maia mimics Edér - not exactly the same, but similar - and her touch on the Watcher’s arm lingers a moment, drawing his eye. Hmm… that is interesting.

Xoti links hands with the shorter woman and spins them in quick circles - not really a dance, per say, but who is to say what counts as dancing? - leaving them both dizzy and laughing as the Priestess hands her off.

Finally, then, it is Tekēhu’s turn to entertain their Watcher, her golden eyes bright and mirthful as her hand finds his - and he allows himself to be drawn into those eyes, only for a moment, before pulling her closer.

It is not quite as formal as the dance Aloth had led her in, but much more practiced then the others - borrowing heavily from the forms of Watershaping, a close and, at times, sensuous experience.

Knowing they have eyes upon them - and knowing their Watcher cares to keep her business under wraps - Tekēhu behaves himself. Mostly.

He cannot resist giving her a quick twirl at the end, her hair brushing his skin as he reels her in and bends her back over the crook of his arm.

His Watcher’s eyes are wide, mouth open in a surprised oh and cheeks flushed a lovely shade of pink as he pulls her back up, ignoring the catcalls and sounds of annoyance from their Companions around them.

There is a moment where she goes very still - eyes going distant, in a way he has glimpsed several times since joining her - but it fades quickly, and she shakes herself out of it as he rights her.

“Ekera, I believe that is enough excitement for the night. What say?”

His Watcher shoots him a smile, giving his hand a squeeze as she takes his offered out. “You’ve all tired me out more then I’d have expected.”

She takes a step away, and Tekēhu finds himself missing her warmth; a notion he tucks aside for later, when they are not surrounded by companions.

The feel of her hand in his remains long into the night, long after the singing has stopped and the lanterns have been put out, and he knows, perhaps, why he was meant to be on The Defiant.

He only need wait for the right time to broach the subject.

[felassanis]

Final conversation with my two favourite people: Pallegina and Aloth.

Pallegina’s is just so...her. It’s so good, my Watcher is pretty stoic so the fact that neither share that many words is really great and I thought it was really sweet. The way Pallegina reaches out to you and you get to grasp her forearm like the battle-hardened warriors you are. Imagining it just fills me with so much joy and I have mad respect for Pallegina.

Aloth’s is also great just because...Idk, something about having known Aloth since the beginning back in Gilded Vale, all of our talks, fights and shared battles. When we helped him back then with Iselymr, how my Watcher held his hand and he felt safe, to when he confessed he was Leaden Key and expected the watcher to be furious. How they’ve grown together despite their awakenings. Then it was five years apart without any word only to reunite by chance in the Deadfire, and once again they team up just like the old days. And then Aloth and the Watcher have a romantic relationship, because there’s no one either of them respect more than each other. And...bro, it’s so adorable and it’s such a fantasy trope to kiss your lover before a battle but I LOVE IT. Aloth talking to us is so reminiscent of the original game. Love it.

[glubsurleseuil]

There's some things that still frustrate me in Pillars and Deadfire, some ideas that could have been cool if more developed. I have three in mind right now:

- First of, the background story. When you talk to Calisca in the very beginning of Pillars I, you can tell a little more about yourself but only to complete your journal. I don't remember well but I think there's no more about it. A little quest would have been fun, like in Mass Effect for example, just to remember us that our Watcher has/had a life before all of this and for more immersion too.

- Second, Iselmyr. I know she isn't supposed to be a whole companion, that she's just a part of Aloth quest. But damn, I like her. I hopped at least that she would be more present in Deadfire if you choose to convince Aloth to keep her. But she doesn't even say anything if you romance him and that's a bit sad IMO (I would totally love a threesome with her honestly xD). Some dialogues to talk with her would have been great, I think.

- And to finish, Vela. Damn, she's my daughter ! My Watcher stopped her travels around the world to take care of her in a nice and stable place. And she just have a little dialogue with me in the beginning of Deadfire and doesn't talk to me anymore. She have fun dialogues with some companions, that's true but I really hopped more. Perhaps a quest with her would have been interesting. Can the Watcher be the hero of Eora AND a good parent? Am I asking too much? 😅

Okay, I hope that was understandable (French here). I love those games, really and I will always enjoy replaying them. Just wanted to discuss about those little things that would make them even better. Don't hesitate to tell me what you think too 😉

[stylishanachronism]

So uh, this Got Long, but here, have a couple of thousand words about Edér's narrative (and like... the game structure as a whole, I tried to stay on topic but I've got a couple of dozen essays somewhere (some are even cited because that's what I do with my life) about this nonsense so.) and also his character development, because those aren't actually the same thing. It is probably the Worst essay I have ever written, and that's saying something.

Anyways.

Edér's character thread (not his character development per se but the thing that permits it if I'm making any sense whatsoever) in both games is very much both 'grappling with religion' and 'grappling with choices he didn't know he was making' but also 'grappling with choices he made based on incomplete information' and the consequences of all three. (Honestly, speaking as somebody who, if I had a character thread, it'd be the same damn one, I was really pleased by how well they handled it in both games (the fact it’s not supposed to be his narrative in Deadfire nonwithstanding). Most series don't, but that's a completely different kettle of fish.) 

So like, in the first game, when you find him he's basically stuck at the point where he feels utterly betrayed (by his god, by his church, by his community, even by his family, sort of), but also like nothing he did mattered in the short or long run, and despite his best efforts, every time he's tried to help he's just made things worse, so there's really nothing he can or should do, and even if he did, it wouldn't help or matter, so why should he bother? Like he's flat out 'yeah, they're going to kill me next, just killing time 'till that happens, what of it?', which is a hell of a lead off, given you don't find out the rest of it until later and the fact that despite all that, he’s not particularly suicidal. And he's so desperate to feel like he's doing something he wanders off with the first wild-eyed possibly-crazy definitely-sicker-than-a-dog person he comes across, without even squaring up his debts or closing up his house or quitting his metaphorical job, (Obsidian show me your setting bible, I need to know what the Dyrwood exports and if ring lace isn't on that list somewhere I'll make every single developer eat the ring shawl I haven't knit, I have Opinions about this, but also, kettle, fish.), just because they gave him the thinnest, most ridiculous scrap of a hope that he might get answers that make the rest of it okay! And he doesn't! He never gets those answers! 

...Well, sort of. He doesn't get the answer to 'What did Woden, the brother I idolize above all else, know that I didn't?' for vaguely bullshit reasons (look I'm just saying if I can articulate 'yeah, that was really Eothas, and yeah, Woden basically had a fucking pentacostal moment and then got his brain steamrolled' (...more on that later, that's actually relevant), the Watcher ought to have been able to do the same, which changes the lack of answers to 'why didn't Eothas just... do something to prove it was him' and/or 'if it was that obvious, why did it come to that?', which are the questions that the narrative's actually concerned with (and also sort of get addressed in Deadfire, but More On That Later), Obsidian Where is Your Setting Bible I Have Questions), but he does get to come to terms with what he actually did, Not Knowing What Woden Knew (and it's a solid ending either way! I liked the consequences! Either he tries to make amends for what he sees as a dereliction of duty, not just to his god but to his community on a spiritual level (the Night Market ending), or he says 'fuck you, I failed but so did you, Eothas' and he sets out make amends for what he sees a dereliction of duty to his community and his community alone, on a practical level (the Mayor ending) and either way he's no longer stuck feeling worthless, and he has a purpose again, more accurately has learned to forge his own purpose, and he's good at whatever it is he's doing!)

And in the meantime, he's been doing good shit! Lasting shit! Even when it all goes to hell he's making progress, which is excellent for his state of mind (and you see that reflected in not only how he treats the Watcher but also how he reacts to shit like giant setbacks (Maerwald! What Happened to Woden! That time Defiance Bay was on fire! Hell even the wolf encounter in White March, that's something Gilded Vale Edér would have wanted to do, but probably wouldn't have been able to bring himself to do or would have but like, Knowing one or both of them would die for it, and by the earliest point you can hit that, he can just… do it) and this is the part where I do not talk about romance novel tropes because that development is also where he starts being the Romantic Lead for realsies. It’s very interesting! But this essay is trying to stay focused.)

Anyways that's… a lot of words to say the heart of his first game character arc is that he learns to live with what happened without ever knowing why, for better or for worse, it did, learns to forgive himself (and everyone else involved, more or less) and any way you cut it, he makes his own purpose, and he ends up okay at the end. 

(Going off on a momentary tangent, one of the things I really liked about the first game is how focused it was? Like all the quests, even the stupid ones, asked serious moral questions about various things, and made you stick to the answers. I've talked before about the Dyrford questline, which is ugly on every front, but doesn't pull any of those punches either, and doesn't have a clear 'right' answer, but they're really all like that to some extent, and especially the character quests. Like, Edér's is about religion and forgiveness, Aloth's is about authority and 'divine right v free will' so to speak, Grieving Mother's is about doing horrible things with the very best of intentions and living with that, Sagani's is about deciding what's important enough to hold on to when all else is lost, etc. etc., and even the tiny ones have questions like ‘if murder is the only way out of an abusive relationship, is that the right answer?’ like there's no quest you could cut without actual ramifications to the overall storyline or the worldbuilding, and that was Great.)

...Which brings us to Deadfire, and this is where it might get a little weird? I need to stress that my first playthrough was bugged to hell, my second was... almost as bad, tbh, and I didn't manage to finish any of the DLC (mostly due to charming things like invisible indestructible final bosses, for example, which still have not been fixed), and by the time I hit the third go round (because it turns out turn based is a ton more fun) I was extremely confused about the actual order of events, due to the aforementioned bugs, so some of the conclusions I've drawn might be a bit off base. (Also Deadfire suffers from sequelitis, by which I mean it has a bunch of internal and, uh, intertextual contradictions of established canon, and it’s not particularly tightly plotted, among other things. I still really liked it! But the worldbuilding's cracked a little bit.)

So Deadfire opens with Eothas bursting out of the earth like a really big chick in a really small egg or something, killing a lot of people in the process, and Edér going 'oh shit, my god just more than half murdered my bff!' and, touching back on what @brightoncemore said earlier, racing off after the statue he’s piloting on basically a hope and a prayer, Watcher in tow, on the half chance this might save their life. It's a hell of a thing, but it means that the opening of his Deadfire arc is 'Dear Eothas, why the Fuck do you keep doing this (to me)?', and depending on which of his endings he's coming off of, this is either a further betrayal from someone he'd managed, not to forgive, but to move on from, or a further betrayal from someone he had managed to forgive, and whose forgiveness in turn he'd spent a solid five years seeking. It is not 'huh, wonder what my old flame's up to?' (not that Elafa was his old flame, but more on that later, and alternately if it is the old flame is Eothas and the answer is ‘being a casually murderous dick for inscrutable reasons’), and nor is it a 'my biological clock is ticking and I didn't manage to adopt Vela properly', which to be honest is what I got out of his bit of his actual personal quest, more or less. (Spoilers: his personal quest is actually Bearn’s personal quest, and he’s not even a recruitable companion, which is rude considering Tekēhu, among other companions.)

What happens to the Watcher is rather more intimately tied up in his character arc in Deadfire, which is where the real trouble comes from; the developers Did Not Want the romance, so they kept trying to walk it back (remember I don’t find this particularly tightly plotted), while all of his character development was tied up in the same tropes that make him the Romantic Lead (we aren’t even going to mention the fucking wedding), and frankly it’s a mess.

So you’ve got the shoe-horned in ‘I’m head over heels for someone I literally never mentioned before, whoops she’s dead and her kid, who might be my kid (spoilers: he’s not, the timeline doesn’t work, not that the timeline works anywhere ever), is going to do something Really Stupid’ thing that his Named personal quest, which is just barely even about him to begin with, while meanwhile he’s yelling at gods and making the same big sweeping decisions from the first game as he gets more information about what did/might have/could have happened. Like, there’s one revelation in the base game (Eothas is the reason for his rad magic armor, and despite Edér feeling betrayed and abandoned for almost two decades(!), he really was paying close attention to everything Edér did, and I at least got the impression that part of the reason Eothas is trying to make amends is because of what happened to Edér due to his actions, like he’s here to ‘help’ kith in general, and Edér in particular, and the Watcher makes a particularly convenient tool to do so), and then BoW and FS each have another (that instead of St. Waidwen, it might have been St. Edér, and it was pretty much the flip of a coin that decided it the way it was, and also that Waidwen didn’t know what he was doing but he did it with intent anyways, so they were both betrayed on multiple levels (I left the first game convinced Eothas had just steamrolled Waidwen’s brain the same way he’d steamrolled Woden’s, so it was very interesting to discover that that didn’t precisely happen), and also that there was a distinct difference between Waidwen, who theoretically went into this with his eyes open, and Woden, who didn’t. There’s a whole series of essays in that alone, but again, kettle, fish.), and what ought to have been his ‘defining choice’ (v whatever happened to Bearn), is his whole thing at Magran’s Teeth, where he demands Eothas be better (which, if it had been his personal quest, could have been reactive on ‘I was right, you’re just as bad as the rest’ if he comes to the conclusion Eothas sees all their lives as playthings, and he doesn’t actually care he just wants to be Right, or the canonical ‘Do better you fucker’ if he comes to the conclusion that Eothas just Doesn’t Get It, with a reprise at Ukaizo, because I loved the narrative callbacks that actually exist and it would have been a really good place for one.), instead of what we got (I went and looked them up, what the fuck), which was… completely backwards for his character, holy shit. Either he goes and camps on Elafa’s grave because her kid was a moron (well… kettle, fish, here is another essay and this one’s already too long, we don’t need a discussion of cults and Bearn’s equal desire for a purpose, which is a narrative foil they could have done something with but never did), or he decides to parent this kid who he firstly doesn’t know, secondly doesn’t know him, and thirdly in a place that’s been pretty wrecked that he’s completely unfamiliar with for what’s seriously no reason (Bearn is…. arguably 17? 18? The timeline never works, but that’s about where he’s written, also kettle, fish, arguments that don’t go here.) since the boy is almost an adult to begin with, none of which has anything to do with his need to have a purpose, or the fact he explicitly follows the Watcher around as part of that, and they’ve gone back to the Dyrwood either way. Like it’s just… such a reversal from his growth in the first game, basically dropping him back where he started at the very very beginning, mired in hopeless, apathetic guilt over something that he actually had fuck all to do with this time around.

Anyways, the whole thing where the developers rooted his endstate choices in something that, to be really frank, could have been deleted without doing fuck all to the narrative (remember how all the quests in the first games were important? Yeah, no, a solid chunk of the quests serve little to no real purpose in Deadfire, even the ones I love.) is unfortunately a Thing. Tekehu’s lack of a quest is the Watershaper’s Guild questline, it straight up should have been his personal quest, he’s got the only solid one in the game, Xoti’s feels like it was supposed to be a callback to Grieving Mother’s, but in reverse, and while I loved it, it doesn’t go anywhere, not for her character (either she does a shitty thing for a good reason and goes crazy and can’t regret her choices, or she does a good thing for terrible reasons and doesn’t learn from that either, so far as I can tell) or for the narrative as a whole (there is also an essay about Gaun’s place in the worldbuilding here, kettle, fish), Seraphen either asks the important questions and Gets It, or he doesn’t and he… doesn’t, and either way it’s literally never addressed again, Maia’s has backwards consequences for some reason, which completely defeats the purpose of a character development quest on top of being basically Sir Not Appearing in this Game to begin with, Aloth’s doesn’t really do anything for his development either (his is all elsewhere in the game, too), and as much highly appreciated narrative context Pallegina’s provided, it didn’t make any sense for her character where it was (in either state) in Deadfire, not to mention it was confusing as hell. (Also, narratively speaking? Rekke should have had one, as should Ydwin, on the bias (she’s bugged to shit, and therefore keeps vanishing from my playthroughs, but what I’ve managed to see of her opens a lot of doors, so to speak). They’re both more plot important than some of the *actual* companions, and it’s terrible.)

And like, I get it, Deadfire had a *lot* more moving parts than Pillars did, having character quests that were any more timeline/location dependent would have been a terrible idea, it’s already so easy to fuck up the order of events without even trying, simply because you can just travel anywhere at any point just by picking a direction, and I have the very strong feeling that a lot of the existant character arcs were not intended to be as important as they ended up being, but still. Still. I expected a lot more out of… pretty much everything.

Speaking of: the very last sequence of the game. Eothas, doing the thing. Breaking the wheel. Murdering the world. Ending the Game. Whatever you want to call it.

Dear Obsidian: what, pray tell, the Actual Fuck.

One of the things that I got out of the first game, like not even extrapolating it’s right there in black and white in the text, is that the Wheel? Co-opted by the Engwithans, who essentially bolted a tap onto it to power their gods, but who neither invented nor really affected it in any way, shape, or form. Like, I think it’s Iovara who says that the gods are built on an existing system, parasites on a natural process? I’m not citing this and I don’t remember, but it’s in the last sequence of that game somewhere, and I’m 99% sure it’s one of her revelations. Anyways, smashing the physical wheel should have done fuck all to the metaphysical process, even with the Valians eating all the adra, like the question of ‘what do we do now???’ should have been about ‘how do we keep the gods alive, and do we even want to?’ not ‘oh shit, how do we keep the fucking world running’, that’s not the thematically relevant question. Like the game spends the whole time asking nitty gritty questions on the theme of ‘do we need the gods or do they need us?’ (Pallegina’s whole quest, for example, everything about the godlikes ever, a solid chunk of the underpinning of all three DLCs, the weird shit in Cignath Mor, like it’s woven through e v e r y t h i n g.) The fact that the final deciding question is instead ‘who gets the leftover power’ (and that you can’t talk Eothas out of the thing, or tell him to tip it back into the wheel in like, a useful way) honestly felt like a cop out to me. Like suddenly the narrative weight is on a random god and/or group of people who spent most of the game squabbling over stupid shit while the Watcher tried to save the world again, this time with Real Actual Obvious signs of shit going down. Like in the first game? The Watcher doesn’t figure it out until almost the end of the game, but what you stumble into stopping is both highly subtle and *really* awful on every level, and the consequences are going to be worse, but nobody knows anything about it and you’ve only got the clues you have because you made a bunch of stupid decisions a dozen lifetimes ago, like, you don’t have proof and there’s no way to get it until everything’s over and done with. Deadfire? People have seen Eothas! He’s wandering around, wrecking ships and causing tsunamis and basically being Obvious as Fuck that he’s the thing causing all these problems, and letting him keep going is a Bad Idea, And Yet. Literally nobody in the entire fucking game can focus on the real problem for five seconds until it’s too late, and even then they can’t let go long enough to fix it. And yes, I know, the developers intended it to be more politically minded, they’re not focused on Eothas because he’s far away and this particular thing blowing up in their faces is right here, but…. that’s not how it worked as a narrative? Not even a little? Eothas is on top of your super secret laboratory and he ate your lighthouse or whatever, but that’s not important right now because oh no there’s a different lighthouse that’s a weird color (yes I know the diseased adra pillar is not a lighthouse give me the metaphor) really, really doesn’t look like being politically minded, frankly it looks like, well, real life right this second, and let me tell you, if I had a god I was hell bent on yelling at for being a dick telling me I had to pick who ended up in charge of the fate of the world, I’d be yelling him into not doing that using any trick I had to. And obviously that wasn’t applicable when Deadfire came out, but the sentiment remains.

And what complicates this is that I loved most of Ukaizo. Like up until the final two minutes I found it really narratively fulfilling, more or less (I remain cross enough about said last two minutes it’s rather scrambled my actual impressions of the rest, but I remember being very excited), and then that happened (and the game crashed because I had technically defied the gods again I guess) and then I was very cross.

If this was a real essay, I’d have something to say here about looking at the narrative as it is, not how I’d like it to be, or maybe about how Edér ends up with multiple narrative foils that literally never see any use, and that’s another essay right there. If I were editing this into something readable, I might have actually come to a point at some point, and I could talk about that instead, but I guess I’m just going to say that I wish the developers had owned what they’d built, instead of trying to head it off. Like, cheers, you built one of the more rewarding romances in modern fiction, tell me more about Edér’s relationship with god, don’t murder a perfectly good female character to give him something to be sad about so you don’t have to acknowledge that.

[orokin-made]

1, 2, 7 and 10 for the Deadfire Ask Meme, please (Though of course you're more than welcome to just rattle them all off too if you'd like)!

Thank you! You are too generous with your enabling, really.

1.What did your Watcher make of the Deadfire Archipelago? Was it their first time there, or had they been there previously?

Elehal was born there! Though not quite in the section the game takes place in. It was kind of a shock, suddenly waking up back “home” after having been away for so long and having so much happen, but mostly he was excited to show his friends around and take them to all the cool places he knew. He spent most of the voyage from Port Maje to Neketaka talking about all the times he’d been to the city previously, and how wonderful it was, and all the things they should go see while they were there. After spending so much time exploring and learning about other people and places, it was kind of nice to be the local expert for once.

2.Did they have a favourite location?

He loves Neketaka. A big, exciting city full of exciting people and beautiful buildings, all built to his scale so he doesn’t have to bend over every time he walks through a door and the whole thing is built on top of the sprawling ruins of a different, ancient city?? It’s almost enough to make him settle down in one place for a while.

As for non-hub city locations, Motare o Kozi also has all of his favorite things all in one place: wilderness exploration, hidden ruins, mysterious machines, a connection to the Huana, just everything he could possibly want.

3.How about a favourite companion? Or a favourite NPC?

Elehal and Tekehu get on amazingly. They know all the same stories and songs, (at least the Huana ones, Elehal has a much wider knowledge of folklore/music from the rest of Eora) Tekehu is probably the best at getting Elehal to lighten up and laugh out of all the companions, and Elehal still gets to feel needed as someone to give Tekehu some direction and guidance. They have different experiences with being godlike, and that is a source of some tension between them at first, as much as Elehal tries to avoid it, but that’s a topic I'm exploring elsewhere atm.

(tbh it’s a good thing Aloth got in there first because I think Sharkboy and Lavaguy Elehal/Tekehu would simply be too powerful for the world to handle.)

4.Was there a companion or an NPC that they just couldn’t stand? What was it about them that irritated your Watcher?

Getting along with everybody -- and I do mean everybody-- is sort of Elehal’s whole thing, so people he actively dislikes are few and far between. That being said, he’s not fond of pirates or the Principi as a whole, both for the obvious reasons and just because he thinks their obnoxious and rude and kind of gross. Out of the companions Maia and Pallegina are probably the two he has the most difficult time building a relationship with, largely in part due to all three of them supporting different factions and having different visions for the future of the Deadfire. He and Maia could probably have done alright if the situation was different, bonded over a love of exploration and affectionate ribbing of her brother, but Pallegina and Elehal were rubbing each other the wrong way all the way back in the Dyrwood. I’m still trying to work out why specifically the two of them don’t get along, but I think part of it is their both so firm in their principals and values they just can’t find enough common ground when those values are in conflict with each other.  

5.Was your Watcher glad to have Eder, Aloth and Pallegina back again (if indeed they did)? Was there any other companion that they would have liked to have back in their party?

Eder and Aloth have always been important anchors for Elehal, keeping him grounded while he’s dealing with whatever Watcher nonsense he’s found himself in this time. Eder is so solid and unflappable, doesn’t complicate or overthink things, and is just all around the most reliable person Elehal knows. He trusts Aloth’s judgement and opinion more than anyone else’s, knows he doesn’t do or say things without giving them thorough consideration first and respects that. He’s also....real cute... just absolutely the most wonderful thing since sliced bread... how is he so small... a perfect man....

There’s a -- quietly -- longrunning joke between the rest of the party that Hylea and Magran got their godlikes mixed up when Elehal and Pallegina were born, which the two of them could bond over being offended by if they ever found out, but so far it hasn’t happened. Elehal felt pretty guilty for the whole mess Pallegina got into after she went back to the Republics, and really wanted to make it up to her somehow, despite their difficulties with each other. It didn’t exactly work out, but he got to apologize at least  

 6.What was your Watcher’s ship(’s) name(s)? Did they enjoy being Captain of a boat? Would they rather have been back at Caed Nua?

Yes and no. He loved being the Lord of Caed Nua, and still feels homesick for it from time to time, but having his own ship has been one of his dreams since he was a little kid watching boats come and go from his island. Ships are like castles but you don’t have to settle down in one place to live in them! Best of both worlds.

The Godhammer was a beautiful ship. Her name had earned him no shortage of incredulous and scandalized looks, and more than a few sharp words from Xoti and Edér, but he had been insistent. A private joke, of sorts. Magran had killed Eothas once before, now her chosen hounded him across the Deadfire. The goddess of trials and fire finished what she started. One way or another. 

7.Did they have a favourite quest or side quest? How about a least favourite?

Everything about the Black Isle was absolutely intolerable for him. He likes digging around for secrets as much as the next guy, but come ON. This is ridiculous. And awful.

He probably got the most satisfaction from the questline helping the roparu in the gullet, getting to just... help people without having to worry about consequences or compromising morals or anything.

8.Did your Watcher find romance, or close companionship, in the Deadfire? If so, who did they get close to, and how did that relationship develop?

While he and Aloth both had badly hidden, un-admitted to crushes on each other for the majority of their travels together in the Dyrwood, they were both also going through Some Shit and just. Not in any kind of place to be getting into a relationship. So their five years apart were difficult, but necessary, I think. Elehal is still going through Some Shit during Deadfire, but it’s less “My sense of self is being destroyed and I can’t sleep because of ghost whispers” so it doesn’t impact his personal relationships nearly as much.

Things are a little awkward in the beginning, trying to figure out if the other person still has feelings for them or if the whole thing was just, like, trauma bonding or something. But they get there eventually, and end up being very good for each other, in the end. Aloth understands how seriously Elehal takes his responsibilities and does what he can to make the burden of them lighter without downplaying the importance of what their doing, and Elehal encourages Aloth to find his own direction after having all his decisions made for him for so long, while still offering him support, and guidance if he wants it.

9.Which faction did your Watcher side with in the end, if any? Was there a particular reasoning behind their decision?

The Huana. There wasn’t really any other option for him, in the end. Letting any of the other factions set foot on Ukaizo, of all places, would have been simply unacceptable. He struggled with having to blow up the powderhouse and then lie about it, it’s not what he does, it feels wrong, but accepted it as another unfortunate but necessary action that he’ll answer for when the time comes. And, well, Onekaza is still technically his queen, and having her recognize him as Huana and earning her respect meant a great deal to him.

10.Where do you imagine your Watcher’s life takes them after the events of Deadfire?

HHHHHHHHH are we talking the depressing canon ending or the real one? Because in the real one he and Aloth take like, a year long vacation to Aedyr and spend the whole time going to libraries and museums and --safe, publicly accessible-- historical sites and Aloth finally gets to show Elehal that nice spot in the Cythwood by a waterfall. THEN they can start tackling the whole rebuilding the Wheel and hunting down the rest of the Leaden Key and all those other extremely important responsibilities.

[yanara126-writing]

Atonement

Edér and the Watcher have a long needed talk after the events at Cayron's Scar. When the Watcher shares her history, she gives Edér a few things to think on, and maybe even a spark of hope.

Read here or on Ao3

Have fun! Comments always welcome! :)

It was dark and well after dusk already. The nights around this time of year were cool, but not unbearable, so Edér didn't bother with finding his cloak first. He wished the others a good night and stepped out of Brighthollow. He stopped for moment, breathing in the crisp air and looking over the keep. It’d come along nicely since the day when they’d first come here. The houses in the courtyard were no longer ruins, but functioning buildings, housing the people that’d come to the reborn keep. It was beautiful, at least for his simple tastes. Though he could probably do without the creepy adra fingers around the chapel. Really, he kept waiting for that thing to just close it's hand and crush the little thing with everyone in it.

He sighed once and made his way to the chapel. He was in no hurry; he knew she’d be there. She always was, when they were in Caed Nua. Sleeping at the foot of the Eothas statue she had so lovingly repaired and dedicated herself. It seemed to be the only place she could sleep peacefully these days, no matter how uncomfortable that stone had to be.

He stopped in front of the chapel again and let the sight sink in. No matter how often he came here, it still made him a little unsettled. He’d told the Watcher that he’d remained steadfast in his beliefs and that was true, but still doubt gnawed at him. That he’d been wrong and Woden right, as always. And so the burning candles here and in the temple back in Gilded Vale both relieved and scared him.

He slowly drew in a breath, held it and released it again. Then he drew his hand through his blonde hair, just like his mother had always told him not to. He was here for a reason. It wasn't technically his turn, but everyone else had already been half dead on their feet, so he’d offered. Not that anyone was still keeping track anymore. Someone was always there to do it. To carry her back and put her to bed. In the beginning they’d tried to convince her to stay in the first place, but seeing as how that way nobody got any rest with her screaming and sobbing all night, they soon stopped trying. To prevent her waking up with a stiff neck every day, they always came to carry her back, once she was asleep. Well, it was mostly Edér and Kana and now Maneha as well. Pallegina had refused to enter the chapel and no one thought it worth arguing over. Aloth had tried taking her back once, but only succeeded in giving her a very rude awakening on the hard ground and breaking his own nose in the fall. He’d agreed that perhaps practicing a few calming spells might be the better option for him. Zahua had offered recently, but as much as Edér liked the guy, he did not trust him with the sleeping Watcher.

He stepped forward and pushed the door open. The warm light of candles spilled out the door, lighting up the night and giving a clear view of the inside. She was here, but not asleep and curled around the statue's feet as he’d expected. Instead she knelt in front of it in prayer. She looked up shortly when she heard him come in and then went back to praying. He remained standing in the door and felt awkward. Should he wait? She didn't seem like she was going to fall asleep soon and watching her just felt wrong. He felt like he was intruding on something private and personal.

He turned around and was about to leave, maybe come back a bit later, when she spoke. Much more softly than he was used to from her.

“Stay, please.” He hesitated a second, then stepped in and closed the door behind him. He knelt down next to her keeping as quite as possible. The church of Eothas had always been more forgiving in that area than he’d heard from others, but his mother had made very sure that he knew how rude it was to interrupt someone's prayer. He briefly thought about joining her in prayer for a bit, but decided against it. If Eothas really was still listening, she deserved his whole attention. Gods knew she needed it. Or maybe they didn't and wasn't that the issue?

“Thank you.” For a second he wondered if he’d imagined it. She hadn't moved, her robe was still bunched around her knees the same way and her priest's cloak was still gently falling over her shoulders like before.

“Well, if a priest tells you to stay in church, you better do,” he answered with a slight grin.

“You know that's not what I meant.” She still didn't move, so he turned back to the statue and let the smile slip. Did he know? Sure, there’d been plenty occasions where he'd helped her out, but that was the point of traveling in a group. They’d never felt the need to exchange words of gratitude before and he really couldn't think of anything recently that would change that. She seemed to sense his confusion or at least grew tired of the silence, because after a while she continued and he turned his head to her again.

“For everything. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn't for you. And all I've done in return is put you and everyone else in danger. You have no reason to follow me, no duty to uphold. I owe all of you, and you in particular, a great debt.” He sighed long and hard. The war had taught him many things. Mostly that life was too short to drown in misery, so he did his best to just take things as they came. But sometimes it became a bit much. Especially when it concerned her. In the last few months Edér had grown rather protective of her. Though she was certainly capable enough on her own, he couldn’t help himself. With her certainty and confident faith, she reminded him of Woden. And so, he never liked it when she got like that. He much preferred her conviction fuelled rants and childlike delight to her gloomy moments. They’d been getting more frequent lately, which was understandable but still emotionally exhausting. He turned around and sat down with his back against the statue's pedestal. Maybe it wasn't Eothas' attention she needed right now.

“Is this about the abbey?” It had to be. He was far more bothered about what had happened in the crater, but he knew, that had hardly been a question for her. They would have to talk about her lack of self-preservation at some point, but this wasn't that point.

She put her hands into her lap and lowered her eyes. He could see her swallow hard and start rubbing her fingernails against each other, a gesture he’d learnt to identify as a nervous habit. He sighed again. He seemed to be doing that a lot today, but after the last few days he could forgive himself for that.

She opened her mouth only to close it again and chew on her lip. It took her a few tries to shape her thoughts into words and he waited patiently.

“I drowned them. They asked me to let them go, and I drowned them. All because of a sense of duty to a goddess that isn't even mine.”

“One of them asked you, the others were already so far gone they jumped us every chance they got. And even that guy was rambling to his dead wife before he managed to scratch together his last bits of brains. Releasing them wouldn't have helped them.” The floor was getting more uncomfortable. Or maybe it was just the topic. “Remember that guy I told you about? The one with the roasted chickens? In one of his fits he bit a child’s fingers off. The night after he bashed his own head in. You really think that’d have been better?”

A light rattling could be heard. The sunstones of her prayer beads were clanking together, she was shaking so hard. He leaned forward and gently put his hands over her's. The rattle stopped.

“They chose to serve their goddess, and in return I drowned them.” He gripped her hands a little tighter with one hand and used the other to carefully lift her face, firmly looking her in the eyes.

“They chose their fate. It was cruel and they didn't deserve it, but it wasn't your fault. You let them fulfil their duty and gave them a new chance on the wheel. They would’ve drowned with or without you, but at least now they were the last ones, right?” He smiled and did his best to put the same warmth into it he remembered from the temple back home. From before the purges.

It seemed to work at least a little, since he could feel her hands relax just a little and saw her shoulders sag. Her lips twitched a little upwards and suddenly he became aware of his own tension leaving him. He squeezed her hands again before letting go, leaning back and stretching a bit.

With some shuffling she got off her knees and sat down properly as well. She was still chewing on her lip and started fiddling with the prayer beads.

Now that he wasn’t busy with a distraught friend anymore, he noticed how dark it actually was. The stained-glass windows never let much light pass through, even less at night, so the only source of lighting were the numerous candles that never seemed to go out or burn down. He'd always liked those. Still, the chapel was very different from the temple, a lot smaller for one. It probably hadn’t always been dedicated to Eothas, but time had erased all evidence of what else it could’ve been. The temple had also been more open, though not quite as open as it was now. Still had a ceiling.

“...I was apprenticed to an Ondra priestess once, you know?” she mentioned suddenly, in a tone so casual she could’ve been talking about the weather. Well that was... huh. He was so shocked, he forgot to be uncomfortable for a second.

“I never... I never thought you'd be...” He really didn't know how to react to that. “Is Ondra like, different in Aedyr?” he settled on asking. She smiled wider and wasn't that worth the cold ass and stuttering?

“Not really no. And I'm not, that's why I didn't stay, really it was just for a few weeks. The idea of just forgetting your issues didn't seem right to me in the end. Lord knows, I would have had enough of them. But the nuns of the convent raised me too well for that.” Her smile became sad again.

“Frankly, you lost me at 'apprentice’.” He really should've taken the coat, then he'd at least have something to sit on, because he had a hunch that this was going to take a while.

She sighed deeply. “It's a rather long story, really.”

“I’m not going anywhere for a while.” He'd come to give her some peace and if he had to sit on a cold stone floor for a while, he would without complaint.

She remained silent for a while and Edér sat and waited unmoving and patient. He might’ve seemed like dim-witted country bumpkin to some, that didn’t mean he couldn’t be thoughtful when he chose to be. When she started talking it was first haltingly, becoming more and more fluent the longer she talked, as if a dam had finally broken after years.

“I grew up in the city of Mithlon. It's the religious centre of the Aedyran Empire. Almost all big religions have their headquarters there. My parents worked as secretaries in some temple or other, I don't remember. The thing is, I had... issues as a child. I was... violent. Angry all the time. I don't know why, I just was. That didn't exactly endear me to my parents. And then came the point when I completely lost their love. I pushed my sister out the first story window of our house. For no real reason, I just wanted to hurt her. My parents grabbed her and ran with her to the nearest healer. When they came back, they packed a few of my clothes in a bag, brought me to the Eothas temple and left me there. They said only the god of redemption could help me now. I never saw them again. I don’t even know if she lived.” She fell silent after that. He desperately tried to think of something to say, to end the painfully heavy silence.

“Well, I'd say he did help you,” He said with a rather awkward smile. No matter how hard he tried to reconcile the picture of a raging and violent child with the compassionate and faithful young woman in front of him, he just couldn't imagine it. Sure, she had bad days like everyone else, but even at her angriest, she always did her best to settle things the non-violent way.

“There was a time when I didn't think so,” she continued, while looking up to the statue and moving her fist in the eothasian prayer sign. Three spots, for Eothas’ three main incarnations. The heart for Eothas' compassion, the shoulder for Gaun’s tools and actions and the forehead for the Dawnstars' unity. “I became better with time. I was put into the children's Sanctuary, a place where all children who need it are welcome. It's mostly used by the temple's apprentices and a few orphans. The nuns and monks were patient with me and slowly I got... less angry. But I still didn't feel like I belonged. So when the time came to decide on a future for me, I never even considered just staying and becoming an apprentice myself. Still, the temple life was all I knew, so I looked into different faiths. Magran seemed the obvious choice.” Edér blinked at that, as he had a sudden epiphany. “Is that why you argue with Durance so much?” He furrowed his brows and made a face. “You know, aside from the obvious reasons.”

She smiled a little. “It’s part of it, yes. He isn't entirely wrong about the Aedyran view of Magran, though. I've been with the Magranites only a few months, but they were indeed a bit... strict. A lot more disciplined than I've seen in the Dyrwood. That's partly why I left again. That and the fact that they called every bad thing happening to anyone a test. Just like he does.” She sighed, looking like all energy had left her. A testament to how much the last few days had really taken out of her. Usually she would have started fuming with righteous anger and gone into a long speech about unnecessary violence at even the mention of Durance's practices.

“When I returned to the temple, I was... disappointed. And scared. That they'd send me back there and make me stick with a decision I regretted.” Her next words were laced with a strange melancholy Edér couldn't exactly pinpoint. “I still had a lot to learn back then.”

“Of course they didn't make me go back. I got my old bed back and was asked to take up my old duties, meaning chores mostly and the occasional messenger job. After a few weeks I decided to seek apprenticeship at the Galawain temple. I was accepted, but again, I didn't stay long.” She laughed a bit and tilted her head back to look at the ceiling. Or maybe just not at him. “They were... a tad bit obsessed for my tastes. The hunt this, the hunt that... You'd think the priests of the changeling god would welcome a change in perspective every once in a while. But no, if you can't shoot it while waxing poetically about the importance of strength it isn't interesting for them. So, I left once again. Even more afraid of returning than before. But, again, I was welcomed back with open arms.”

A fond smile found it's way onto her face and Edér couldn't help but return it. He knew the feeling of nervous anticipation and following forgiveness well enough. Oh, how often had he returned home bashful after a prank gone wrong, yet his parents had always made sure he knew he was loved after they’d given him an earful. But her smile soon faded again and the fatigue was back.

“After that, I just wanted away. I felt like a burden. And so, when a giftbearer stopped by the temple on the way to one of their settlements by the coast, I decided to join her. The idea of sacrificing my memories and burdens seemed appealing at the time. I took my still packed bag and left with her in the morning. It was quite a way and all the while I watched her do her duty. I tried to ignore it, to finally stick with my decision, but my doubts grew every day. It wasn't just the bad memories she wanted to take from people, but also the good ones. The last things they had of loved ones. ...The memories of the bad things they had done.” She lowered her head and pressed the bracelet of her prayer beads to her forehead.

“I wanted to forget, but in the end I couldn't go through with it. When we reached the abbey, I thanked her for her teachings and turned around. But I couldn't quite go back either, so I spent days just wandering the coast. That was the first time I was ever really alone. Looking back, staying away from everyone and everything at that time was probably not the smartest decision I ever made. I started obsessing over the idea that I wasn't enough. That what I was trying to do wasn’t enough. That I had to do something more extreme. So, once I got myself properly I worked up, I went and found the nearest Rymrgand temple.”

“Wait, there's a Rymrgand temple in Aedyr? I’m not an expert, but isn't Rymrgand worshipped in the White that Wends?” Focusing in on the neutral information was much better for now. He would have time to have a small mental breakdown over these revelations later.

She furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms with a piece of her usual fervour. “You’re not wrong, but for some reason Rymrgand is like Skaen in that way, if you just look hard enough you can find him anywhere. And that's the thing, I don't understand why! As much as despise Durance's way of thinking, as silly as I think Galawain's hunting shtick is, as harmful as I believe Ondra's suppression tactic is, I understand their believes. I get what they expect from their actions. With Rymrgand there's just no point! The whole faith is based on the inevitability of the all-encompassing end and the virtue of patience and Rymrgand doesn't do jack shit anyway! So they're all wasting their time praying to a god who has no intention of listening or acting either way!” She huffed loudly and threw her hands into the air before settling down again.

Thankful for the return of her fire, Edér decided to keep her going for a bit if helped her emotional state. “But faith is supposed to be selfless. Only praying to a god because you want something is against, well I think pretty much every religion. Except maybe for Skaen, that guy's just weird...”

She took the bait for a religious discussion he was not at all prepared for and started gesticulating wildly, launching into a passionate speech as she always did when someone dared question her faith. “The point isn't how you live your faith, it's why you take it up in the first place. What you work and pray for. What you hope to accomplish with your god’s help. Technically that's different for everyone, but there are constants. All the gods stand for something and for that we rally under their banners. The Ondrites wish for oblivion for the world from it's pain, the Magranites seek to purify and sift out the ones they deem unworthy, the followers of Skaen avenge their own suffering. We Eothasians, we want to bring hope to people and help them find their redemption if they need it. We all want to help, no matter how misguided some are. But Rymrgand doesn't actually do anything! All he stands for is the unescapable death of everything and fair enough if you're looking forward to it, but Rymrgand teaches that everything ends in due time, so you're not even allowed to do anything about it! Rymrgand's faith literally stalls itself. All you can do is sit, pray and die over and over until the end which comes whether you do that or not! And they are entirely aware of that! The high priest of the temple told me immediately after I stumbled in, and he seemed so proud of it too!”

Edér didn't think she'd taken a single breath throughout the speech. With her head almost as red as Durance's she looked much more like her usual righteous self. He hoped that it would be enough to not let her drown in her past again, but thought it better to get it over and done with now, instead of letting it fester another 15 years. Perhaps he wasn't as smart as Aloth or Kana, but nobody could say he hadn't learnt from his own mistakes.

“So, what’d you do then?” The redness receded again, but the energy stayed. She was still more solemn than suited her, but he could see her determination to finish the story and maybe, finally put the past behind her.

“Well for one, I left immediately after the high priest finished his grand introductory speech without so much as a goodbye,” she said and frowned. “Not one of my proudest moments, I admit, but at that point I was so disillusioned and broken, that I couldn't have dealt with more bullshit, without throwing myself off the next cliff. I trudged back home after that. I don't remember much of the journey, but I know that I stumbled back into the convent in the middle of the night and almost hammered Ydona's door in.” She smiled softly staring into the air behind him, with a warmth Edér knew was reserved for very few people. He could claim with no small amount of pride to be one of them, though he was starting to suspect, that her smile for Aloth was still on another level. A matter to meddle with later. And he’d definitely have to, Aloth was more likely to become an animancer than admit his feelings to anyone about anything and the Watcher respected his personal bubble too much to do it herself. Iselmyr would be a helpful accomplice in that endeavour. But later.

For now he had to ask: “Ydona?”

The smile didn't fade, but her eyes focused on him again. “The subprioress of the Abbey of the Dawnstars, where I grew up. She manages the Sanctuary and is for all intents and purposes my mother. She has the patience of a saint and with all the kids she has to keep under control, she needs it too.” She paused and frowned a little. “Actually, with the saints we had recently, maybe that's not the best analogy.” Edér couldn't help but snort at that. “Yeah, I don't know if ‘patient’ is the word I'd use for Waidwen.”

She chuckled before continuing again. “Well, Ydona always had more patience for us than we... than I ever deserved. And I needed it that night more than maybe ever. I must have looked like a Cean Gwla after days of travel, little food and less sleep. When she saw me, she shooed me inside, made me some hot soup and then stuffed me into bed. I spent the whole night and following day alternating between sobbing into her chest and sleeping like the dead. I assume she had someone take over her duties when I was asleep, because she stayed with me the whole time. It took me another night to finally calm down, and then I told her everything. Everything that had piled up over the years. And she just listened.”

She paused and her smile widened suddenly. “A bit like you right now, actually.”

He just smiled back. No words were necessary here.

“Anyway, after I was done crying my soul out, she asked me what I wanted to do now. Truthfully, I had no idea,” she said with a slightly distant tone, like the idea of not knowing one's path was a foreign concept, that needed to be contemplated. Edér was more than a little jealous of that.

“So, I spent the next weeks following her around like a lost puppy. I helped her with her duties and was, essentially, her secretary. Those were some of the most peaceful weeks of my life,” she said with a contented smile. “After a while a letter from the Abydon temple arrived. Ydona had me read it to her. It took me a while to realize, that that was probably no coincidence. Especially considering how suspiciously descriptive the letter was.” She chuckled.

“It made me think, as it was probably meant to, and after giving it some thought, I asked to join Abydon’s clergy. And coincidentally Ydona had something to do at local temple anyway, so she escorted me there. It was only a day’s journey, but I appreciated it. There, master Waylon welcomed us and I was initiated as an apprentice. I spent the next five years in that temple.”

“Was it like the little one they have in the White March now?”, Edér couldn’t help but ask. Abydon was the only other god besides Eothas he’d ever been interested in. Not enough to actually seek him out, especially since he would’ve had to go down to Defiance Bay for that, but the honest simplicity of a hard day’s work had appealed to him nonetheless.

She thought about it and then nodded. “Essentially, yes. Just a lot bigger, with more people. That makes it both more crowded and yet more personal at the same time. Not everyone there is a priest candidate, the majority are normal students. They call the temple the Crucible, because it’s not only used as a temple, but also a place of learning for many different crafts, though blacksmithing is certainly the most popular one. The actual apprentices of Abydon are taught separately, so we got a bit more attention than the average student. I liked it quite a lot actually, master Waylon was a good teacher and a personal friend of Ydona, so he knew of my problems and made sure I acclimated well. It was exhausting, but satisfying. It was the first time in my life I was actually happy.”

“Since you’re wearing Eothas’ colours and not Abydon’s, I’m sensing a ‘but’,” he quipped and leant forward to put his elbow on his knee and placed his chin onto his palm.

She smirked and mirrored his posture. “How well you know me, oh wise man!” They laughed together and she leant back again, reclining onto her hands. “You are of course right. I was happy and maybe I could’ve been content there in time, but I was still missing something. Abydon just wasn’t my calling, though I didn’t quite know what was. I thought about it long and hard, if I learnt anything in my time there, it was patience and persistence. The conclusion I reached was incredibly simple. I wanted to give back what was given to me. I wanted... want to help people find redemption and hope, like I’ve been helped. No matter how many tries it took me and no matter how often I failed, I always had a home and family to return to and I was forgiven, even if I didn’t always realize it. The priesthood of Eothas is my calling.” She smiled at the statue so brightly, Edér was almost convinced Eothas would come back to life through her willpower alone.

“When I understood that, I went to Waylon to tell him about my plan to leave. He didn’t seem particularly surprised, now that I think about it,” she trailed off a bit, frowning, but quickly continued again. “He accepted my decision and made me an offer. If I stayed another half year, I would be allowed to take the final exam with the blacksmithing students and earn myself the proof of a finished apprenticeship. That way I could return home with an achievement this time. And since I saw no reason to hurry, now that I’d finally found my way, I accepted.” She looked at him with a mischievous smile, as if she was about to share some incredible joke. “My final work-piece was a hammer.”

Edér snorted. “Well, I hope it was better than the one you made in the White Forge, or that proof is a pity-proof,” he teased good-naturedly.

The Watcher gasped in mock outrage. “How dare you, my hammer was perfect! Obviously, since the Eyeless actually came.” That remark killed the light atmosphere with the memory of the recent horrors and they sat in an awkward silence for a few seconds.

She cleared her throat and launched back into the story and Edér was glad he didn’t have to face this particular issue quite yet, though he certainly would later, when he’d had time to let it all sink in properly. “Anyway, I passed the exam and then made my way home. I hadn’t told Ydona of my plans and apparently Waylon hadn’t either, because she was visibly surprised when I arrived. I held the same speech for her as I had at every temple before, requesting apprenticeship. She didn’t even let me finish and just hugged me. She gave me a set of initiate robes, that fit suspiciously well, and I was officially moved into the apprentices’ quarters. Meaning of course I could actually take my old bed back.” She was clearly trying to make up for her earlier remark with those jokes, but as forced as they were, they still did their job and the air got a bit lighter again.

Her eyes suddenly became glassy and her face took on a serene look. For a second Edér thought she’d gone into a watcher’s trance, but then she continued speaking. “That night was the first time I ever prayed and actually meant it, with all my heart, and it was the first time He ever spoke to me. Do you know what He told me?” She turned to face him and he saw not the flaming priestess, not the suffering Watcher, but just a young woman filled with calm, undying devotion.

He stayed mute and just blinked at her dumbly. Her smile grew wider and somehow even softer. “He said: ‘Welcome home.’” She faced the statue again and Edér was certain the candles on the altar shone brighter. The light gleamed and flickered, throwing shadows on the statue’s face. It seemed alive in that moment.

“I want to tell Him the same, when He returns,” she said, still looking up to the stone face above them. It was a statement of absolute certainty, lacking any sense of doubt that it would happen and for the first time in fifteen years, Edér felt like he could share it.

The spell broke as suddenly as it had come and the moment was over. The light was as dim as before, the statue just stone and the Watcher a normal mortal like him, who knew the future no better than anyone else. Edér found himself staring at her, unsure if what had happened had been real, or the product of the last few, very stressful days finally catching up to him. He was so engrossed in his thoughts, that it startled him when she continued.

“He didn’t speak to me often, of course. I was ordained only two years before the Great Silence started, and before that I was just one acolyte of many. But He always answered me when I needed Him most. That’s why I was so confused when He stopped, all of us were. Though it took us a bit to even notice. News of... the Godhammer took a few days to reach us, so most, myself included, blamed themselves at first. In the beginning I wasn’t too shocked. After all He didn’t always answer and we’d heard rumours of Readceras, though not much, so maybe He was just busy. When the silence persisted, I thought maybe I’d displeased Him somehow and spent quite some time meditating on what I’d done. When I found nothing, I went to Ydona and confessed my issues to her, she admitted the same problems and we became suspicious. Slowly the other priests and acolytes came forward and then the news reached us. It was... a turbulent time.” She sighed deeply but gifted Eothas’ stone incarnation one last loving smile, before turning to Edér again.

She frowned a little and asked: “What were we talking about again? I’m afraid I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent.” He shifted around a little. Now that his focus wasn’t completely occupied, he noticed how cold and sore his butt had gotten. “I think we started off with you explaining how you were an Ondra acolyte once. Seemed like you had to get something off your chest though, so don’t worry about it.” He sent her a lopsided grin, while trying in vain to get some feeling in his lower half back.

“Ah yes, I remember. Well, now you know my full life story I guess. I suppose it’s only fair, with how much you’ve told me about yourself,” she said, looking tired, but also relieved. “Thank you for listening to my rambling. I think, I just needed to spell everything out for myself. Get it out into the open.” A pang of guilt shot through him at her words. He himself hadn’t managed to muster the courage for that yet. He’d come close with her, but his deepest doubts were still tightly locked away. He pushed the feeling out of the way; dwelling on it now wouldn’t help anybody. Maybe they’d find something on that battlefield and the problem would solve itself. Hopefully. And besides, right now his curiosity outweighed any sense of shame.

“You know, I always wondered how they thought about Waidwen elsewhere. When they crowned him, a few of our priests went to Readceras, but with the war starting soon after, there wasn’t really much time for an opinion to form. You know, aside from ‘fuck this guy’.” As soon as the words had left his mouth, he regretted them. She’d already relived a lot of painful memories today, not to mention the shit that’d gone down just in the last few days; poking at the wounds even more for the sake of his curiosity, was hardly sensible.

Thankfully the Watcher didn’t seem to mind his intrusiveness. Her face took on a thoughtful look and she gnawed on her lip, considering her answer. “Well... that’s a bit of a loaded question. The thing is, most of us, at least at my temple, didn’t even know about him, until Readceras was lost. The rebellion itself only lasted a few days from when it really started, so when we heard about him, the borders were already tight. The Fercönyng forbade every contact with the colony, or not colony, under threat of permanent exile. I know of some who left anyway, but most were... hesitant. Eothas never mentioned anything before. Even afterwards, He never answered any questions regarding the situation in Readceras, in neither direction. That left us rather confused on what to do. A lot of debating was going on, especially when the war started, but before anyone could decide on anything, it was already over again. Since the Great Silence started then, we had little choice, but to assume Waidwen was telling the truth, but there’s still a lot of debate over what exactly happened then and what Eothas’ purpose was. So, the only universal opinion on him in the clergy is ‘Huh?’.” She gave him a helpless shrug. “Although I believe the Fercönyng would probably agree with your assessment,” she chuckled after a short moment.

Edér laughed with her. Mostly because he didn’t know what else to do. Her reply had given him a lot to think about, for example that apparently Eothas hadn’t told anyone of His intentions, not even if He had any intentions at all.

Once they’d grown quiet again, Edér moved to get up, joints cracking. “Well, thanks for the answer, it’s... something. But this old man needs to take a walk now or my bones are gonna get stuck in that position.” He groaned and stretched his arms out, cringing at the sound. He really wasn’t twenty anymore.

“I’m pretty sure I’m sure I’m older than you,” she told him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes at her. “Yeah yeah, keep showing off, elf!” He was sorely tempted to pull on her pointy ear, but ultimately decided against it. With how tired he was, he probably wouldn’t have been able to avoid her retaliation.

At the door he turned his head to her again. “I’m gonna come by before I turn in for the night, alright?”

She nodded, moving to her knees again. “That’s fine. I’ll just finish here and then we can go back.” He highly doubted she’d be going so much as being carried again, with how her shoulders had started dragging and her excessive blinking, like her eyes didn’t want to stay open anymore, but he let her pretend.

With one last look back, Edér left out the door and stepped into the night. And immediately regretted not bringing a coat once again. He shivered once and the goldpact knight on night watch around the corner glanced at him with clear judgement for his bad choice in clothing.

Edér ignored him and started his round around the courtyard, the fresh grass crunching under his boots. While he’d been in the chapel, Belafa had risen further and the sky was bright with stars. Edér couldn’t help but stare. The night sky had always been beautiful, but with the Watcher’s words at the back of his mind he could look up for the first time in fifteen years and hope. Nothing had really changed and yet something had finally broken loose. Maybe it was silly, but seeing her complete and utter trust in not only Eothas, but also His return, had restored some of his own trust, if not in Eothas, then in her, and that was enough for now.

He walked past the double doors of the keep and to the training grounds. At this hour they were empty, but some poor sod had forgotten his sword. Edér picked it up and started swinging lightly at one of the practice dummies. The repetitive movement was almost meditative and gave him the opportunity to process the story he’d just heard and loosen his muscles. As shocking as it’d had been at first, he found it made more sense than expected. Her rather impressive knowledge about and at times seemingly personal grudge against the Magranites. Her steadfast defence of Abydon, even in the face of another god. And of course, the hammer. He was in no way an expert in blacksmithing, but even he’d been able to tell, it was a perfectly functional hammer. He’d been impressed at the time, but hadn’t given it much thought.

After a few minutes Edér let the sword sink and leant it against the wall for it’s owner to find it again. Walking along the keep’s outer wall, he made his way towards the forum. From there he turned around and slowly started making his way back. The wind was starting to pick up, making the night even colder and his fingers were adamantly reminding him that he wasn’t a pale elf.

Back at the chapel Edér carefully cracked the door open and peeked inside. This time his suspicions were proven correct. Soft breathing could be heard from inside and when his eyes had grown accustomed to the darker light, he could see the Watcher slumped over the statue’s pedestal, a cleaning rag still in her hand.

Making sure his steps were as soft as possible on the stone floor, Edér entered the church. With an exasperated smile he gently pulled the rag from her fingers and placed it on the altar next to the candles. The priest technically in charge would take care of it in the morning. When he moved to pick her up, she didn’t stir and just continued snoring quietly. The strain of the last few days, months truly, had finally caught up to her.

Once he had the Watcher safely tucked into his arms, Edér allowed himself a pause to just feel her breathe and remind himself that she’d done the impossible and survived the collapse of Cayron’s scar. When she’d broken through the ice shaking and hacking, they’d all nearly broken down with joy, but with the following events there’d been no time to really let her miraculous survival sink in. Now seeing her calm face in the dim light of the candles with nothing else pressing on him, Edér could finally feel himself relax.

Leaving her behind down there had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever done, but he’d known that arguing would’ve been useless. The look she’d worn then, he’d seen it once before, on Woden’s face when he’d left for the war. Edér hadn’t been able to stop him either. So instead of wasting time, he’d made a promise to himself. He’d honour her sacrifice and continue her legacy, and that started with getting himself and the rest of their team safely out. He’d basically had to drag Aloth by the scruff of his neck.

Her survival changed nothing about his promise. Edér already knew, he’d follow her to the ends of Eora if he had to. In these last few months, he’d felt more at home than since before the war. He hadn’t expected much, when he’d joined her in Gilded Vale, after all, what could you expect from a lunatic running around Gilded Vale completely covered in Eothas symbols and staring at corpses. But since then he’d grown attached to the lunatic. He’d failed his brother, one way or another; he wouldn’t fail his honorary sister, even if he wasn’t certain yet what success would look like.

When his arms started getting heavy, Edér noticed how long he’d been staring and shook his head. Obviously he was as exhausted as everyone else. Time to get both of them to bed. He pushed the door open with his shoulder and carefully manoeuvred them through without hitting her head on the frame. With sure steps heading back towards Brighthollow he found it in himself to thank Eothas. Whatever had happened, whatever was still going to happen, hope had found him at last.

[queen-scribbles]

🌟🍂🏡 for Emiri, 🌙☕🏞️ for Tavi, ❄️💐👀 for Adi, 🌼💎🌗 for Kei?

Emiri

🌟 When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

Kana, when he’s around. Not even for crush reasons; he’s just so unflaggingly optimistic, she knows he’ll be able to cheer her up. Doing something to distract herself, especially if it’s something like baking or making the bracelets definitely helps settle her down when she gets gloomy or agitated.just for the comfort of routine.

🍂 What are their opinions on the different seasons? Which one do they hate and which one do they love and why?

She loves spring, likes summer a lot, is okay with fall and hates winter. She absolutely loathes the cold.

🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?

She never really had an ideal house. Then she cleared out and fixed up Caed Nua and that was pretty much it. Before Eothas destroyed it. Which is why she goes back and builds the place all over again; that was home and she wants it back. The gardens are a mix of herbs and flowers, the colors complementing each other well. There’s just a skeleton staff at first, both when she starts fixing it up in Pillars 1 and then when rebuilding after Deadfire, but eventually it gets to be pretty full. And her friends are always welcome to visit. Her bedroom’s pretty spare; desk with a chair, armoire and a big bed so her pets(or at least Lottie) can sleep with her.

Tavi

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

I mean. She’d want her family alive. All of them, not just Khellin. For obvious reasons.Consequences… well, it depends.if her family just had never died, she wouldn’t have left Old Vailia when she did and wouldn’t have traveled with Silversteel or wound up in the Dyrwood and met all her friends(or Aloth). She would definitely regret not having any of that. IF, somehow, they were just poofed back to life after thirty years dead, at the proper ages and everything, I can’t really think of any consequence to that? There probably is something that’s just not occurring to me. What would she give to make it come true… I’m not sure, and I don’t think she is either. IF someone approached and said they could 100% give her back her family, For a Price, idk what price she’d be willing to pay.

☕ Give us one (or more if you feel like it) of your OCs deep dark secrets! Why do they keep it hidden? Spill the tea!  

She stole her brother Casius’ glasses once when she was really pissed at him for something(she doesn’t even remember what anymore). He’s extremely near-sighted, so he was effectively blind without them. They got broken, by accident(she thinks maybe some subconscious part of her did it on purpose) and Cas spent almost two weeks not able to read or attend school or anything. It drove him nuts. At the time, she wasn’t the least bit sorry.

🏞️ If your OC could travel to anywhere in their world where would they go? Why? If they could live there would they?

The Living Lands have been on her list for a while, that was her last big one. She’s done a lot of traveling as a mercenary. If she were to settle happily anywhere, it would probably be there, since life’s never boring and she needs some excitement with her stability.

Adi

❄️ What makes your OC sad, so sad that they can’t help but cry all day? How do they cheer themself up? Does their sadness upset any of their loved ones too?

💐 Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)  

She loves flowers. Her favorites are cornflowers(by coincidence, guess what shade of blue Heodan’s eyes are…?), they’re so pretty and dainty and great for flower crowns. She also likes daisies and St. Gyran’s Horn, but she doesn’t keep a garden.

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

Kana would say he’s never met a finer scholar, or more insatiable spirit of curiosity. She’s intelligent, clever, upbeat, determined and he hopes her new circumstances(the Watcher/Awakened stuff) doesn’t dim her joy or curiosity, because that would be a grave loss to the world in general.

Kei

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

Rather than do her in-game romance(Tekéhu), I’m gonna rewind to her first husband, Matiu. She was all of ten when she met him, he a year younger, and they hit it off immediately as friends. She very much liked this slightly gawky boy. Got up to all sorts of harmless mischief together, talked about everything, spent most of their free time together. (Honestly, neither of them was terribly surprised when their parents arranged for them to be married; they spent so much time in each others’ company clearly they got along and would be happy together. There weren’t really romantic/sexual feelings there, but neither had their eye on anyone else and both knew they could do far worse)

💎 Does your OC collect anything? Is there a reason? When did they start and is it beginning to turn into a little bit of a hoarding issue? What do they do with their collection?

She had a very neat collection of little figurines, very simple and basic, forged from the metal scraps after she crafted something. So little people or fish or stars or wha have you. She left it behind when fleeing the wreck of the caravan, so it’s still somewhere along the road to Gilded Vale, far as she knows. It wasn’t really for any reason; she just thought the things were pretty.

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

OH, she’s definitely more of an early bird than a night owl, though she can stay up late when called for. She likes to be up early to start heating her forge, preparing for the day, and enjoying some time just her and the quiet of the world prior to the game events. During the first game, she barely sleeps at all, so she’s both an early bird AND a night owl(Sleeps for about three days straight once it’s done; is absolutely ravenous when she wakes up). Afterward, settles back to being an early bird, but doesn’t have a forge to light or physical labor to do most days, so she uses the time to just sit alone with her thought, maybe watch a sunrise. After she and Tekéhu are together she may possibly watch him sleep and play with his hair-anemones.

OC Questions

[faeriewild]

I love my Watcher from Pillars of Eternity, so I’m gonna go on about her for a bit. 

Name: Fenwë Cervenen (pronounced Fen-Way  ~ Ser-v’Hen-n’EHn)

Race: Pale Elf (Glamfellen)

Class: PoE1: Ranger - PoE2: Ghost Heart Ranger/Fury Druid - all ice/storm/spirit based attacks (I only play things by aesthetic) - her stag also dies at the beginning of PoE2 :( :(

Background: Hunter

Home: The White that Wends - a barren winter wasteland

Age: 43 in PoE1 - 48 PoE2

Romance: Aloth Corfiser

Dispositions: PoE1: Stoic, Rational, Benevolent, Honest - PoE2: Diplomatic, Benevolent, Honest, Clever

Closest companions: Sagani, Tekēhu, Maia and Edér (they grow distant in PoE2 though) 

Dislikes: Gluttony, Cruelty, Piety and purposeful ignorance - The Gods in general. 

Appearance: She looks like a walking marble statue, she has no coloring and looks unnerving. Even her eyes are a muted grey. Many Dyrwoodians thought she was a risen dead and was referenced as “the corpse” before her reputation grew. Her time in warmer climate gives her a more lively looking pallor of some very light blushes of pink, or other shades of grey when exerting herself or when embarrassed. 

Background

Grew up in The White that Wends with a close highly religious sect of Glamfellen. She was raised to respect and fear the god Rymrgand and assist in the heralding of Rymrgand’s word. 

Fenwë was raised communally, and has pitiful knowledge of her parentage.  What little she does know is through trinkets and worn scrolls The heraldry, though minimal, shows a connection to deer/antlers - at some point the animals were used as a symbol for her house. 

A druidic elder who was the closest thing to a father figure, told her that he lineage was an old and noble one, but it is no consequence anymore, as she was raised by the community and now must serve and provide for them. She believes her parents died but has no great grief over it - as she is not the only Glamfellen child to be raised this way. 

Out of necessity for survival, Fenwë learned to hunt, becoming a skilled and hardened hunter - as she had to in order to survive the bitter cold of her homeland. On an expedition with a few other hunters they felled some deer.  Fenwë found a fawn half frozen in the snow. Feeling a kinship with the lost fawn and ignoring the harsh jeers of her companions to leave or kill the creature, she took the fawn and hid it and raised it. The fawn grew into a stag named Cerven. The creature was the only thing that came to resemble family. (she’s basically Kristoff from Frozen y’all) 

As Fenwë grew she came to resent the elders, who hoarded knowledge and who demanded her to risk her and her companions life to put a bounty of food on their own tables - while she was given scraps and often left starving when times were more difficult. 

In rebellion, she would sneak into druidic lessons, trying her best to commit the shared knowledge to memory. She was forbidden of this knowledge - as it went against her assigned role, but she was drawn to the cold nature magic the Glamfellen druids used.

Harder still, as she was no elder she was never taught to read. A fact that became a source of bitterness for her. Smuggling some scrolls from druidic elders - she began the arduous task of teaching herself. By herself, she could not get far though, only able to read simple sentences. And if she read aloud she would mispronounce words quite a lot. She was caught on more than one occasion, often punished with lashings.

The hoarding of knowledge was a catalyst for her to distance herself from her people, even more so, a budding resentment towards Rymrgand grew. Her people were living to die, cutting themselves off from progress or a better life.

After years of frustration a passing group of adventurers came across her on a hunt. Fenwë, though lacking in social graces, managed to convince them to allow her to be their guide through the cold landscape. Gathering her belongings (and some stolen druidic texts), she left with them and eventually heard of a settlement opportunity in the Dyrwood.. 

Relationship with Aloth: (time to get sappy)

After rescuing and traveling with Aloth, Fenwë would watch him leaf through book after book with pure envy. When caught staring Aloth would often mistake her looks as interest or even judgement. Often times Aloth would turn the tomes for her to look at, which would only result in a burning shame for her as she would only reply with “interesting” before changing the subject.

This continued for weeks, with Fenwë eagerly asking questions of him - thirsty for any source of knowledge and turning over any notes or books they found to her companions to read.

After coming to trust Aloth enough, she approached him while they were staying at an inn, and took the opportunity for privacy to show him the druidic texts she stole. This led to a conversation about her ability to read, in which she asked him to help her. 

To her relief, Aloth did not judge her and they began the ritual of reading every time they camped or stayed at an inn/tavern. To save her pride while in the company of others, they would sit side by side and Fenwë would quietly ask for help from Aloth when needed, or he would correct her in a way that would not draw attention. 

From this, a deeper friendship grew between them, and more personal histories where shared. Fenwë, having never known this kind of affection for another - was stoic and tight lipped about it. Though Sagani and a few others, quickly noticed Fenwë’s fond looks towards the skittish elf.

They shared small moments of sharing knowledge, and magic and stories. They were always guarded until the events of Aloth’s story in PoE1 play out. With secrets revealed their relationship truly bloomed, and they often lagged behind the party so they were given time to talk. It was clear The Watcher had a favorite.

Fenwë fell in love with him, and despite the encouragement from Sagani, Kana (the two who noticed - or at least the two who said anything) and some randy suggestions from Hiravias, nothing progressed between the two despite some meaningful touches or confessions of care. 

As Aloth left to dismantle the leaden key, Fenwë set about the task of being the Lady of Caed Nua. Her feelings for him quieted but never left. There were brief affairs for her over the five years - though guarded and generally only physical. With little word from Aloth, Fenwë was determined to let her feelings fade in truth, even though that proved impossible. 

The events of PoE2 play out as they do in game, and I’m still playing through it so idk all of it yet. Suffice to say seeing Aloth again completely devastates any idea Fenwë had that she was over him.  Fenwë is more knowledgeable in PoE2, having continued her education since Aloth left and more sure of herself, but still has the biggest soft spot for Aloth. There’s jealousy when Tekēhu flirts with Fenwë, as they also share druid spells and knowledge.  There are lots of looks and angst and it’s pretty good and I love them. And thank god they just gave up and smooched.