#and all but one of them were awful
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The dog days are over.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#The childhood flashback is one of my favourite scenes in MDZS and yes I am disapointing myself in how little I am covering it.#If it is any consolation...I'll be bringing JYL's piggyback scene into another comic later on.#There truly is something so specific and yet resonant in the way our bonds as children feel so deep.#But the world doesn't stay as small as it does when you are a kid. The problems you argue about get bigger and more serious.#You still hold so much love for this person despite how much you want to throw hands with them.#To have such a complicated history with someone and then fall apart...You always think you have time to heal the wound.#Why wouldn't you! You've never had anything but time with this person. A brother not in blood but in true and genuine bond.#And then the fucker dies! It's horrible and sudden and the last words you exchanged were cold and awful!#What do you do with those dead end feelings? What do you do but grieve bitterly and angrily?#There is no resolution for all the love you wanted back. There will never be an opportunity to bridge the gap between you.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. Because you thought you had more time.#If anyone dares say Jiang Cheng didn't love WWX I'll be the first to fire up the powerpoint presentation on why he absolutely does.
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sometimes i wonder if i'm aromantic, but i'm so disconnected from my own wants and needs in general that it's really hard to parse
#plus ny only relationships have been over the internet when i was 15#and all but one of them were awful#and my longest one was genuinely scarring#so naturally im reluctant to try again#not to mention that ive been holed up inside and had minimal contact with people outside my family for the last few years#and im broke. and don't have a car. or a driver's license#so i can't really go out and mingle#im pretty sure im not ace#but when i jerk off my fantasies focus on other people and not me#i don't even know how to fantasize about myself in that way tbh#something about it embarrasses me. and scares me. if that makes sense#even outside of romance or sex i do have genuine issues with intimacy and vulnerability#and while ive grown a lot the last couple of years#i don't understand myself very well#i don't know my wants or my needs or my desires#its not even that i struggle telling other people its that i can't even tell myself#like i don't even know what's going on in here ahdjska#im not exactly miserable but im just really alienated from everything. including myself#mickey.txt
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don't wanna derail the post I saw this discussion on- it was all in the notes anyway, so it certainly isn't op's problem. I'm gonna say this with so much love:
Calling somebody a 'theyfab' is not punching up. If someone's being transmisogynistic, say that, or call them a bigot. Naming the tangible harm done to you will always be the most effective thing to do.
The cis people who created that term made it with the explicit intent to mock and insult people's identities. No matter what you mean when you say it, this is its origin and to most people, its only meaning. It describes nothing about the discrimination you face.
People afab are marginalized, especially if they're queer. You cannot "punch up" on a fellow oppressed group. I understand the specific vitriol that they inflict on you hurts.
You don't need a word to call somebody, you need and deserve adequate justice for the tangible harm done to you; and my heart aches that nobody queer- especially trans women- ever seems to receive that.
I'm aware I can't make anybody do anything, so I'm not gonna try to tell you not to use that word. I just want to say it can't ever address, undo, or heal any harm done to you. It can only redirect it.
#da#the og post was about transmisogyny and transfeminism and that was an important discussion I did not wanna elbow into#I'm addressing the people in the notes who were saying they 'NEED' this word in order to 'punch up' to their oppressors#I do feel for every trans woman and transfem having to exist on the internet rn. everyone's being awful to you all from every side#Dearly sorry that fellow afab people are making all your lives such hell#just also know that nothing about the word theyfab describes a bigot. nothing about it explains what harm was done to you.#it serves solely to mock an aspect of someone's identity. because hateful cis people created it to do that#you don't 'need' a targeted insult to use against someone directing hatred towards you.#cannot stress enough that the only group who can reclaim a harmful term is the one it's used against#i completely understand afab people can be particularly awful with their transmisogyny#calling them a theyfab will not help anything. I know. I'm sorry. you're hurt and it sucks. name calling cannot change that
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lullaby for another
#duck scribbles#minicomic tag#midoyuzu#ittle scenario i made up in my head post-home party when all of them stay the night over at tori's#midori who couldnt sleep wanders around for a bit and runs into yuzuru and they chat a bit!!! to help her fall asleep#yuzurus mostly humming to himself and yeah. aha#enstars#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#need to balance out the sap from recent one way or another my last one was. wow what were you on#hey fun fact ive never listened to yuzurus solo (that i dont even dare name lest this guy festers into my brain even more)#any more than three whole times during the approaching 2 years ive been into this series. its awful the things it makes me feel#i love drawing them together but like.... im sure hed be somewhat aware of his own standing in regards to yuzurus attentions and affections
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Trektober Day 20, now in technicolor!
*gripping your shoulders* You ever just think about how they find each other in every universe. You ever think about that. I do.
(Please click for quality! ID under cut)
[Image ID: A digitally coloured drawing of Jim Kirk, Spock, and Bones as seen in Star Trek: The Voyage Home. They are all older than in the Original Series. Spock is wearing his white Vulcan robe and no shoes. Jim is wearing his maroon suit, and Bones is wearing his beige and brown jumpsuit. His cravat is untucked from his neckline and the ends are floating. Both Jim and Bones' trousers are flared and they're wearing simple boots.
Spock and Bones are floating against a starry backdrop, connected to each other and Jim by thin threads attached to each of their wrists. Both of their threads connecting them to Jim are floating, relaxed and looping. However, Bones has grabbed the thread connecting him to Spock and is hunched over, attempting to chew through it. Spock is watching this with detached curiosity. His posture is more relaxed and his left arm is being pulled towards Bones because Bones is pulling on the thread.
Jim is standing in the middle, feet edging over the border of the drawing. His hands are on his hips, and he is looking up despairingly at his soulmates, saying "Can't you two just get along? Please?"
Above the drawing is written "Trektober" and "Day 20 - Soulmates" Below it is written "@aerialworms" and "Spocktober"./End ID]
#star trek#star trek the voyage home#fanart#star trek fanart#mcspirk#spock#james t kirk#leonard mccoy#trektober 2023#spocktober#star trek the original series#Went to see Search for Spock in the cinema yesterday and was again in awe of Bones' outfit. The cravat. The hair. The kitten heels. Icon.#Drawing it was my fave part of this one it's just so fun with all the details and everything!!!#literally all of them were slaying in SfS and VH#except chekov in his little victorian orphan fit in SfS. who did that to my boy i just wanna talk-
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(x)
#I think about it literally every time#final destination 2#twitter#also like#i know y'all know of it#but you weren't witness to its arrival quite the same#it scarred so many people lol#knowing of it and watching it for the first time with no idea what would happen#are two hugely different things#also did you know they just kept making these movies??#there's like 4 or 5 of them#and they go full circle if you watch them all#the later ones were pretty awful but the overall concept ended up cool
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im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophie’s background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps they’re all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.
#leverageposting#leverage#sophie devereaux#particularly that one of or both her parents had to move around a lot for work & so she would change herself to fit in at every new school#or new town etc etc. and that whatever original identity she had was dropped due to some kind of really awful event and her bio family think#she’s dead. eg she got into some kind of extreme legal trouble for the first time & she faked her death & everyone she knew as a kid thinks#she’s dead too. like. astrid wasn’t the first person she left to miss/mourn her.#but also that she was a teen runaway at like age ~16 and pretended to be an adult (like. 18/19) cause theres not much you can do by yourself#as a minor like booking flights or renting an apartment. and so began her first proper alias. and she was a pickpocket until she could fund#her life fully through grifting & cons.#or alternatively her parents died when she was a teen & she was old enough to become an emancipated minor (everyone in lev is an orphan)#and she kind of just fell into crime from there bc she had no one#or perhaps she got married at 17 and realised how fucked it all was and stashed money until she could run away & leave it all behind. that’s#bc of a single vague sentence on john rogers’ blog saying she was married at 17 and in context it was quite possibly a joke or random#hypothetical example but i was like what if???? What If???????#i also like the hc that she’s trans which i’ve seen a few times#in some versions in my mind her parents were okay and in some versions they were awful and in some versions it was so complicated.#i think tara has heard one story and parker or hardison have heard another and nate has never heard any story. he’s never asked.#she is here now and that’s all that needs knowing. and sophie devereaux is her real name in any way it matters.#eliot has also never asked and she asked if he was curious once and he just asked if she was curious about What He Did and that was answer#enough for the both of them. just a mutual agreement not to ask and it actually solidified their bond.#i think she struggled for a long time about whether to tell her new family The Real Story but in much the same way we never hear her birth#name bc it’s not Her anymore… she never gives The Real Story. bc it no longer defines who she is. she’s so much more than whatever happened.#lvg
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Sometimes i lay thinking about them
#about how it could never be a betrayal because they were never friends to begin with#or worse yet: one of them thought they were.#how awful vanessa felt to hurt someone who's never been anything but the kindest soul on earth to her.#how she wished that at the very least they would have a swift and painless end so as to not longer suffer at her unwilling hand.#how she wished they would just stay away. wondering if they would keep smiling this brightly at her if they knew.#and to find out they never actually cared to begin with#that she was never a friend#and now after all this she might never have the chance to be one after all. now matter how much she tries to redeem herself#and that's something they both have to make peace with#they were acquaintances at best who never knew much about each others lives but having that bridge burn down with hell flames#was something neither of them wanted and will have to live with while facing each other for a very long time#they don't forgive her. she doesn't either#immortal au#sunshine talks#doodles#sunshine draws#wip#oc#i know nobody cares i just have a lot of thoughts about the fucked up relationships in this au
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I love Chris so much you guys.
#detroit become human#gavin reed#chris miller#neither of them is my overall favorite but i do really super love chris - hes up there#also i went into playing this knowing one (1) thing and that was you get to knock gavin out cold in the evidence locker#thats the only thing i knew about this game#ive read some fanfic (before i played the game) and i appreciate that the fics i read that had chris in them#were all like youre the straight friend or just youre the only straight i like#almost unanimously ???? like ? hes got a son and i like that you (fandom) allowed him to be a wife guy#chris was chill and i appreciate that#i missed a lot of the interactions and i messed up a lot somehow though i thought i was being nice and good#shocking no one my favorite guy is a side character and not one of the protags#i want to draw him but i couldnt think of anything dialogue wise for him and i really wanted to draw Stupid Men#and for my run at least im like wow gavin isnt even that bad of an antagonist lmao#like granted i never had a coworker aim a gun at me but i have been threatened for a stabbing before so#anyway sweats nervously at posting dbh content after being known for ... not that sort of game#good lord the stress i felt every interaction that i got an affection down ?? my otome exp is only positive reinforcement signs#where you get lil blossoms or hearts when you make the correct route choice and get nothing if not#the red downs were awful
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I am once again thinking about how odysseus who witnessed the horrors that the captured women went through (one of his main duties in the iliad was taking the women back home and making sure they were as comfortable as possible and safe because he was the only one trusted not to violate them further due to his devotion to penelope. And in the odyssey part of the reason circe sent him to the underworld was so that he'd have to listen to all these women's stories (before he could talk to the prophet) ). Who was one of the few that saw women as people and respected their space and opinions. And was then put in those exact same situations. I don't have the motivation right now to do a full literary analysis of this (I'll site the sources too) but oh man one day I'm going to write a full essay on this.
#The odyssey#iliad#Odysseus#Tw: rape#Tw: sex slaves#Tw: camp slaves#Tw: That one time Calypso kept odysseus as a sex slave for 7 years#circe#Something about the inherent trauma of witnessing how your friends treat women#Watching them keep sex slaves#Then having to bring these girls home hearing about their stories seeing the aftermath#Then living in a situation where you have to let a powerful witch use you as she pleases half in payment for lives/food/medicine#Half because she has the equivalent of a gun to your best friends head and if you don't keep her happy then youre all dead#And then that witch sends you on a quest to the underworld where granted you'll benefit too but first#You have to listen to every single captured women from the Trojan war that you didn't Shepard home tell you their stories#Tell you that you're a horrible person while you are living in a disturbingly similar situation#And then later finding yourself trapped as a sex slave for seven years to an immortal nymph#And then being labeled as a horrible cheater for the rest of history#And none of this well historically everybody cheated or it's up to interpretation bullshit#Because it fucking isn't and granted a lot of abridged versions skip this shit#But if you read the full original stories and still think odysseus cheated then you just have an issue with men being victims#Or weren't paying attention i guess#Where's that meme where's it like the text was up to interpretation cut to the text where it very bluntly states what's happening#And I'm not saying odysseus was a good person or that he didn't have slaves because he did. And he wasnt#But first off nobody deserves to suffer that violation#Second they weren't sex slaves they were all nurses/maids/spys and I'm not getting into the ancient culture slavery issues rn#Third there's a lot you can pick to hate odysseus for but cheating/disrespecting women wasn't one of them#They literally invented a new word to describe his and penelopes love and it means to be so in love that you think the exact same way#Also forcing this narrative of odysseus cheating and penelope leaving to be a single girl boss is#Just the fake feminist mindset that stay at home moms are weak and wrong and live awful lives
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anyone else up listening to robin by ts on repeat while thinking about how no one who loved adrien agreste ever told him the truth 🤨⁉️ just me?
#nino is exempt from this post i love you nino#also i’m not throwing shade at any characters im just contemplating how uniquely awful adrien’s life is#you know. as i do#kept hallucinating an animatic today. lord knows i cannot draw an animatic rn#but the images plague me..#i kept wishing i could make an edit(not that i know how to edit) but then i would remember#that all the emilie scenes i was envisioning were not actually real and i made them up. whoops#strings tied to levers slowed down clocks tethered all this showmanship to keep it from you in sweetness……#way to go! tiger!!!!!#miss swift if you could stop writing about adrien agreste for just a second😭😭😭😭😭#buried down deep and out of your reach the secret we all vowed to keep it from you in sweetness😭😭😭😭😭#shut uppppp#anyway i’m having a normal one.#and don’t even get me started on the bolter#ml#anna rambles#ts
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Words Collide
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang fengmian#yu ziyuan#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Almost axed this comic but then I remembered I cut the previous argument between them and I guess they can have this.#and by 'this' I mean their toxic arranged marriage verbal battles.#As I previously mentioned in a comic I have chosen to see them as mlm and wlw in an unfulfilled relationship.#The yearning is for companionship. I think they do care for each other it's just something deeply complicated. And bitter.#I truly feel for JC and WWX in this scene because while it's implied YZY really pushes the limit...it's apparent this isn't new.#And it's so petty! Anyone who lived through a parent pitting you against a sibling can tell you that this stuff messed them up#regardless of what side you were on (the golden one or the fuck up).#It doesn't matter what is said. It matters that it was said at all. That you can't shake the concept once it was spoken.#The Jiang household is so much more miserable the deeper you examine what's going on and how they cope with it.#Knowing that a parent does not like you is just awful. I wish everyone who's been through it all the best. You didn't deserve that.#Next update is back to the jokes! Remember jokes? It jingled merrily...How I miss the sound of those bells...
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that "i wish that being aware of a mindset being ridiculous would make it easier to snap out of it" post hitting hard every single day
#talkys#parents: you are manipulating your friends into going out of their way to do nice things for you.#you need to give them a break from all your demands and stop asking for help and handouts.#me: dis isn't true i've exerted an equal amount of effort into friendships but in different ways. my friend driving hours to pick me up#and take me out of town and my other friend sometimes buying me gifts are equivalent to when i'd stay up all night#to edit every single one of their essays before they were due or listening to all their problems and giving them advice#dropping everything to be there for them etc. this is how friendships Work#also me: ohhh trueee everyone's going to get sick of my evil selfish ass soon :(#god the tags on the other post got too long but i forgot to add it sucks venting online too bc when ppl try to comfort me#im grateful but all i can think is oh my god im so horrible for painting my parents as villains when they arent.#what if people convince me to do a wrong selfish awful thing. im being ungrateful. im a liar. im blowing it out of proportion#its actually not that bad im just spoiled and unappreciative (+ then life will rightfully kick my ass)#i know many ppl who wish they were in my shoes. i might even be if i realize how insurmountable being alive is if i get to leave for a bit#delete later
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LOST: Season One
#lost#abc lost#lost one cap per ep#this was a project i was gonna do anyways but the timing worked out that i could post the first one on the 20th anniversary!#this is one cap per ep every season. from left to right. and this is important: its not a cap that sums up each ep#its a cap that REPRESENTS each ep. the way i choose them varies every episode#sometimes its an utterly iconic moment. sometimes it reps the theme of the ep. or it hits with a theme of the character themselves#sometimes the cap i use won't even involve the character whose centric episode it is. trust me. this makes sense#anyways i'll give a good example: for outlaws i was so tempted to use a shot of the judgemental soulful gaze of the boar#or perhaps sawyer in the rain after he shot that man#but! i used that shot of sawyer's dads legs as sawyer is hiding under the bed. i feel it worthy because this moment. this scene#is literally a core part of sawyer. it's a defining moment of his backstory. of his character. so yeah. makes sense yeah?#anyways some eps had Too Much going on (lord i could make one of these for exodus part 1 alone) and some not enough#or well they DID but like lacked in caps that Hit in the way im thinking. thank heavens charlie shot ethan cuz i was worried about that ep#i was like ''aw shit what am i gonna use'' and then an iconic lost moment happened kjhfdsjkhfd#anyways. there are 25 eps in season one. so im really glad that the last ep contains one of the moment iconic visuals/moments in all of los#oh i should add that these caps are unedited. i did not fuck with the colours or saturation in any way#i found 'em and i pieced them together. this is harder than it sounds. i browsed through all the screencaps of every ep of season one#and i will do so the remaining five seasons#some of these were super easy like i knew what cap i'd be using before i even started (eg. do no harm. the moth. in translation)#but some took some real Thinking. and some eps even had several caps that would have worked. this has all been quite interesting#also yeah. y'all already know damn well what cap i'm using for the very last episode
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Cross and Dream would be unstoppable. In a bad way. Those two are both overworking machines and Blue is so so tired of having to wrangle them into resting.
#utmv#undertale au#both of them have an awful mindset about work#they think they need to run themselves into the ground for it to be good#Dream because he thinks there's always things to be done#and Cross almost as a punishment to himself but also as a distraction#pushing his body further than it can go#and getting his brain to stop thinking altogether#can't think about how much of a fuckup you are if you can't think at all#I think If Cross were to become a more fixed part of the Star Sanses' lives then Blue would just have a lot more on his plate#I do think he already takes care of Dream somewhat#but Dream won't fight him too much on it#he's more reasonable#Cross is anything but helpful and reasonable#And then if Blue ends up confronting him that's just more reason for Cross to feel guilty#because he feels like he's wasting Blue's time who's been so nice and helpful and has welcomed him so easily and he's really sorry-#and Blue's just like 'bro. you're literally doing it again just stop'#and Blue just wishes this fucking guy would chill out.#he didn't have so many reservations about tearing AUs apart#anywayyy#fun thoughts#messy ones but y'know
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I love getting my silly little dose of validation whenever I explain something as small to my childhood as "yea they taught us to be prepared to be soldiers in spiritual warfare between angels and demons from a young age" and having my therapist or a friend respond like
#my therapist thought I was making a crusades joke and looked genuinely distressed when I said No No. I mean literal spiritual warfare.#I've never seen a person go thru the 5 stages of grief faster than that man in that moment#by spiritual warfare I mean the demons and angels fighting around us at all times or whatever the fuck#the thing that causes people to say the devil is attacking them#but yea no that fueled my martyr complex but not nearly as much as other things#cause this one was at least hypothetical and invisible#'She Said Yes' and whatnot was much more real and much scarier#my paranoia was awful in middle and high school#But yea me and a friend of mine were both raised in separate cults so we were explaining our cults to a friend and it was a great time#it's fuckin wild out here#ex christian#religious trauma
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