#and again my country was the big one for kidnapping. that shit is life ruining. there is no but it's okay because our side did it alright?

[meduseld]

As someone from a country that was in fact enmeshed in a conflict with guerrilla warfare and kidnapping over literal decades: stop acting like this is a fandom debate and excusing whatever your "side" does. War crimes are war crimes and need to be called out, there is no justification for those. You can believe one side is justified or whatever, but do NOT excuse this shit. No one has clean hands in conflict

[miekasa]

do share your thoughts on the SnK final chapter and ending if you read it! <3

OKAY!! Here are just some of my thoughts, none of which are uniform lmaooo and are subject to change if I think about it long enough <22 lots of stuff I haven’t completely figured out or reconciled with yet, but here we go 

Eren’s death

I wanted him to die, and one way or another, he was destined to die; so this is kind of the ending I asked for. 

I wanted him to die for a few reasons, most of which revolve around my desire for him to finally rest and not have to shoulder all the burdens that have been put on him for any longer. So, his death definitely did that for me, and I wouldn’t change it. 

BUT it was heartbreaking to see that, for once, he genuinely did not want to die, and wanted to have time to spend with Mikasa after everything. Eren has asked to die multiple times in the past, and his death was inevitable at some point in time; so to see that in his final moments, he finally said/realized he didn’t want to go made it so bittersweet. 

The thing I’m happiest about the most is that he achieved his original goal: to kill all the titans. As a titan himself, he was always a part of that plan, so, again I’m okay with his death. But it’s a twisted, beautiful sort of tragedy that in wanting to kill himself to achieve his dream, he found a sense of personhood that made him think life was worth living [even if his goal wasn’t achieved]. 

Another important reason I believed he needed to/should have died is because I didn’t want him to have to suffer at the hands of any other government or empire again. Even if none of the shit with Marley or the other nations happened, and he found away to “free” everyone without murder, the government of Paradis wouldn’t have trusted him. They never really did. 

Eren has been locked up and/or under constant supervision since he was 15. And when he wasn’t, it’s because he was kidnapped and somebody else was preying on his death. Even when he desperately pleaded to help and showed that he wanted to use his titan to help, he was treated like a criminal, and less than human.

You can’t... you can’t treat a kid like that and expect him to turn out normal 😭😭 or to not want to go to extremes, or to become a pacifist, or to spinelessly hand over his own life and ambitions. (Honestly... think he should have started with murking a few people in Wall Sina, but whatever 🙄)

This is all to say, that if he continued to live, free of the 13 year curse, he wouldn’t have been free in any nation. He probably would have been executed, or at the very least, locked up until he died. So, I’m happy that he was able to die at his own hand (and Mikasa’s, too). 

Eren’s character

I obviously still love his character, and I don’t think his actions in the final season ruined him for way. There’s a lot to come to terms with, but I like that about him. I’ll work through all the details one day, and I’m okay with that. In fact, I don’t think Eren even ever got the chance to figure himself out independent of his titan.

His secret keeping was questionable, but not out of character. He’s always ruminated until he figures something out, or gets stuck and needs help—he’s always had the whole thing about doing everything on his own. 

Until that one conversation with him, Mikasa, and Armin after the fight with Jean in s3. I’d always read that as him beginning to understand that he didn’t have to everything on his own, and that he was going to be relying on his friends from thereon out. But, sometimes, I feel like that realization got erased...? I don’t know, maybe the more I think about it, the more it’ll make sense, but that’s one part I’m still working through. 

The only other thing I didn’t understand is how he got so smart LMAOOO. His plan and actions required quite a bit of thought, foresight, and sacrifice that he’s never really shown before; at least not to this degree. Like I said though, if you factor in how his was treated, and how his life always had an expiration date, it begins to make sense why he was so quick and insistent to act, so it’s not completely out of left field for me—and I could even make the argument that he wasn’t really that smart and was just as impulsive (ish) and hot-headed as he’s always been; but like I said, I’m still figuring it out. Not sure what it was that awakened his braincells but I’ll get there LMAOOO

Eren + Mikasa

Fuck y’all I like Eremika goodnight. I can’t help it, I’m a simple bitch: I see childhood friends to lovers, and I fold. You should too smh.

I... don’t think the little cottagecore timeline from 138 was out of character for either of them. I see the arguments that it was, and that’s cool, but I see it as something very real and plausible. 

Eren showed that he did all of this to ensure that even if he couldn’t bring peace to the whole world, at the very least, he could do his best to make sure his friends live long, happy lives. An alternate way for that would have been to give Mikasa the opportunity to spend his remaining years with him. 

Eren has always done his best Mikasa and Armin, even if his methods seemed harsh or apathetic. The way I see it, running away with Mikasa in his final year is not only becoming and telling of the kind of friend/person his is, but it would have been his way to atone for being an idiot and not acting upon his feelings [in a more traditional sense] earlier.

He knew either way it was too late, but he also knew that he owed her—and himself—even a piece of peace before it all ended, whichever way it was going to end. And I think that’s a part of Eren’s character that’s often overlooked. 

Mikasa’s ending

I think that Eren ultimately killed himself, but it’s undeniable that Mikasa helped, and I’m glad she did. If Eren was going to die by anybody’s hands, I wanted it to be Mikasa’s or Levi’s. 

I think Levi would have been symbolic, given his speech in the courtroom in s1, about how killing Eren is the best he could do, and that there was no in-between. But I’m happy with Mikasa doing it too, because, in a way, I think she ended up being able to do the one thing Levi didn’t have the physical strength left to do. I also like it as far as Mikasa’s relationship with Levi goes; she kind of becomes him in this complicated way, and it shows how far they’ve come in terms of trust. They’re a pretty good team. 

I don’t see why anyone would give her shit for sitting at Eren’s gravestone. It had been only three years since he died, and regardless of the amount of time that had passed, if it was the anniversary of his death, that’s a perfectly normal thing to do...? So many people hate her for being in love Eren and I don’t get it. She’s just mourning, and she’s well within her rights to do so. 

Actually, I think that Mikasa being shown to have loved and mourned for Eren so outwardly were the most profound displays of bravery in this whole series. 

It takes so much courage to love, especially in her world, but Mikasa has never shied away from it. I would even go so far as to argue that she is the character with the strongest sense of self and self-worth. I don’t think people realize how much it takes to know anything about yourself that assuredly—so many characters are left with unanswered questions about their world, themselves, and their place in it—but Mikasa has always known that she loves Eren. 

That’s an insanely hard thing to know and to do. And she wasn’t blind about it either, nor did she believe her love was unconditional (and if she gets shit for having hope for Eren, then so should Armin, but we know why he doesn’t get the same heat for it). She heard out the concerns of her friends, she let go of the scarf, and she killed him in the end. 

I would have liked to see her talk to Kiyoomi again, and perhaps see her being associated with that nation/country/whatever it was. But she’s still thee baddest bitch and the best girl. 

Levi

WE IN THIS BITCH!! WE ABSOLUTELY IN THIS BITCH!! 

ROUND OF APPLAUSE LADIES AND GAYS AND THEYS FOR THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND HIMSELF!! 

If he died, I would have rioted. On god. 

This is the EXACT ending I wanted for him. I’m so happy that he gets time to rest knowing that none of his decision were in vain; and that he shouldn’t regret anything he did.

l know the wheelchair was literal in the sense that he was injured, but I also think it’s metaphorical in that he no longer has to standing on his own two feet, and carry everyone on his back. For once, for fucking once, he can literally sit back and read a fucking book in peace. 

Also Gabi and Falco taking care of him is so fucking cute, I loved that so, so, so much. 

Others

I don’t think Hange needed to die, goodbye. I get why they did, and I’m glad they went out in a way they wanted do, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it BYE. 

Pieck is far too sexy for her titan to have been that ghastly. Porco, too. Speaking of Porcupine, I fucking love him. I didn’t think I would like him this much, but I do, and now I miss him. 

When did Connie get so s*xy

I stand by the belief that this wouldn’t have happened with Erwin around—and for the worse. Yes, I think Hange waited longer than they should have to act; but I understand they were overwhelmed, and had a lot of responsibility, and regret, clouding over them. 

That being said, I think Erwin would have been 10x worse LMFAO with all his secret keeping and mystery. With all the shit going on, all the information being revealed to Paradis, and with Eren’s own secret keeping, I don’t think Erwin’s character and way of planning would have been conducive the new environment. RIP tho Erwin, you a legend for the shit you did, big ups on that my guy. 

I... guys, I like Reiner. Like, a lot. What goes on. 

I still hate H*storia and I think she caused a lot of problems that could have been resolved relatively quickly if she left 😐😐  yeah, yeah, girl power or whatever, but I don’t like it. I don’t like her. Bye. 

I have more thoughts on Marley and the other nations, but that’s a whole separate rant that I will spare you from for now 

[365days365movies]

May 1: The Prestige (2006) (Recap: Part Two)

Now, where were we? Oh, right!

Wolverine’s trying to take down Batman for killing his wife and ruining his life, but can’t do it, even with the help of Black Widow and Alfred Pennyworth. So, he goes to the United States to meet Gollum, who’s working for Nicola Tesla. 

That sound about right, Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream?

Awesome! Thanks, man; thought you were underrated as Marius in Les Mis. Anyway, let’s get back to it! 

Part One is right here!

Recap (2/2)

We flash forward AGAIN to Borden in prison, who’s agreed to sell almost all of his tricks to the representative from before. However, he will only sell the last trick (the Transported Man), if Caldolw comes there himself, with his daughter (whom he agreed to keep out of the workhouses). Meanwhile, he plays a magic trick on a guard, in a fashion that’s genuinely funny and well-done.

The builder of the machine, who is once again friggin’ Nicola Tesla, appears to speak with Angier. Oh, and by the way, Nicola Tesla is FUCKING DAVID BOWIE OH MY GOD!! After showing him a lightbulb powered by bioelectricity, the two sit down for a meal. Tesla speaks on how his visionary status is less-than-appreciated at this point. Still, he offers to make the machine for Angier, but also asks if he’s considered the cost. And not just the monetary one.

While Tesla recommends against Angier’s passions, recognizing it as an obsession, he does agree to build it, recognizing that he will not stop these obsessions. From there, we flashback AGAIN and see Angier backstage, shortly after his failure (and Borden’s sabotage). Still angered at Borden’s new life and success, he goes to his show to observe a new trick he’s debuting, called “The Transported Man.” 

Consorting with Olivia, he gets a better disguise to look in on Borden’s act. And when he does...he sees the greatest trick he’s ever seen. Borden goes in through one door, then comes out of another. When he tells Cutter about the trick, Cutter insists that it’s a double. But both Olivia and Angier agree that it wasn’t a double, given that both had the missing fingers from Angier’s shooting attempt. Still, they don’t know HOW Borden does it. So, with Cutter’s advice, they find a double to sit in for Angier for their own version of the trick. This double is drunk and unemployed actor Gerald Root (Hugh Jackman), who is...kind of a dick. Still, the two do look alike (obviously).

With more pizzazz and showmanship than Borden displayed, Angier’s version of the Transported Man is a big success, and Angier is a success as a result. However, there’s a drawback; because he’s switching places with Root, he’s underneath the stage, rather than on top of it. Because of this, he can’t actually appreciate the applause of the audience first hand. Which means quite a lot to him for some reason. And so, he STILL needs to figure out how Borden’s act work. To do so, he asks Olivia (with whom he’s in a new relationship) to spy on Borden by pretending to defect to his side. Which angers Olivia, but she agrees.

Flash forward to Colorado, and to the first experiment of the machine that Tesla’s built. He believes that the machine should be able to transport a person or object from one place to another. They use Angier’s top hat for the demonstration, watching electricity arc around it, and...nothing happens. The hat’s still there. The experiment is a failure, but Tesla will keep at it (for Angier’s money, of course).

Back to the past, where it’s revealed that Olivia is...really fucking pissed at Angier, it turns out. See, she actually did LOVE him, and he cast her away like little more than hired help in order to succeed in his rivalry with Borden, basically telling her that she means little to him, as compared to the feud. So, she betrays Angier by telling Borden about Root. Borden tells Root that he holds power over Angier, convincing him to blackmail him. A drunken Root agrees, but this is also part of Borden’s plan.

See, Borden shows up at the show, and takes away a pad under the trap door through which Angier falls for the trick, causing him to hit the floor badly, and permanently hobbling him. Now under the stage, the asshole Borden takes Root’s place, and Angier’s spotlight, humiliating his rival to LITERALLY add insult to injury. Fuck Borden, he’s a dick.

An understandably enraged Angier goes to Olivia to find out, y’know...what the FUCK? But, after she angrily confronts her, she gives him Borden’s journal, which she’s pinched. However, the journal is written with a cipher in order to prevent any looky-loos from figuring out his secrets. To get the cipher’s key, Angier crosses YET ANOTHER line, and kidnaps Fallon, Borden’s stage engineer. Reluctantly, Borden gives Angier the key to the cipher: TESLA. That leads him to Tesla, and back to America, where Angier is from. But Cutter’s done; he’s not coming along this time. Angier’s obsession with Borden is just that: Angier’s obsession, not his. So, Angier’s on his own.

That night, with Olivia, Fallon, and his wife Sarah, Borden celebrates at dinner! However, Sarah’s not happy, AT ALL, it turns out. I haven’t mentioned this yet, but Borden’s relationship with Sarah is tumultuous as hell. As she describes it, some days he’s all into their marriage and their relationship, and he truly seems to love her. But some days...he isn’t. Some days, he’s into magic whole-heartedly, and into his secrets, which she HATES. This comes up at dinner, where it’s also fairly apparent that Borden is cheating on her with Olivia. YIKES.

As the marriage is falling apart, we go back to Colorado Springs, where Angier is once more reading Borden’s diary. He’s had it the whole time he’s been in Colorado, by the way, but we only now found out where he got it. As he reads it, he’s shocked to see that the diary is now...directly addressing him. Oh...fuck.

Turns out Olivia was REALLY FUCKING PISSED at Angier, and has COMPLETELY betrayed him for Borden, with whom she’s fallen in love. Yeah, fuck. Borden told her to give Angier the diary, knowing that it would send him back to his home country of America on a wild goose chase, as he actually NEVER went to Tesla for the key to his trick. Which means that Angier is there for absolutely no reason.

So, uh...Angier’s gonna punch a genius right now, because he’s now ALSO FUCKING PISSED (which pleases Borden greatly as he reads this in the diary). Convinced that Tesla was stealing his money for a fraudulent cause, he storms there immediately. The lab’s been burned out by Edison’s men, but Tesla and Alley are still there, and they actually don’t know why the experiment didn’t work. They give it one more shot, with Alley’s cat this time. And...

Nothin’. Just an electrified cat. Alive, but probably all static-y now. Anyway, Tesla apologizes, and a frustrated Angier leaves the facility, followed by the understandably freaked out cat. And the other cat is also freaked out. And...oh. OH.

Turns out - TURNS FUCKING OUT - that the machine isn’t a teleporter; it’s a cloning machine! YEAH! And as soon as the cloning is revealed...I figure the whole movie out. I mean it. I figured out the twist! Here, lemme try it on for size. First of all, Angier isn’t dead. His double from the experiment died, in order to frame Borden for his murder and ruin him. Secondly, the person who’s aiming to buy Borden’s trick? It’s him. He’s the “mysterious collector.” 100%, I goddamn guarantee it. Oh, and while we’re at it, I know who Fallon is! Fallon is Borden’s double, because Borden’s only performed the experiment successfully ONCE! When he did, he made a double of himself, and that double is the silent and mysterious Fallon, who seems to care for Borden’s daughter greatly. That’s it! I figured out the goddamn movie! BET. FUCKING BET

Well, I’ll find out soon, I’m sure. Tesla’s forced out of town the next day, but he’s left Angier the box, containing the cloning machine that would be his end. He tests it...but we don’t see whether or not it works. Hmm. Borden’s as interested as I am in this...and then reads on as the diary starts addressing HIM. FUCK. Angier did in fact frame Borden for his death. And with that knowledge...Borden’s done. Both because he’s been fooled, and because...well, that’s not all that’s happened to him recently.

Back in time again, and Sarah and Borden’s marriage is FALLING APART ENTIRELY. Sarah is done with Borden’s flip-flopping mentalities, realizing even now that he’s not currently in love with her. She’s not OK. And unfortunately...she hangs herself shortly afterwards. Yeah. It’s terrible, and Borden drove her FUCKING CRAZY. I DO NOT LIKE THIS ASSHOLE. Poor, poor Sarah. Sucks.

That’s led, of course, to their child being without a mother, which is why Borden agrees to allow the mysterious Lord Caldlow to look after her. And once he arrives at the prison to collect Borden’s final trick as agreed...yup.

Alive, well, and now ABSOLUTELY AN ASSHOLE TOO, Angier has taken on his ACTUAL identity: Robert Caldlow, British nobleman! Holy shit. HOLY SHIT I WAS RIGHT. Now realizing how...FUCKING CRAZY this whole thing is, Borden’s fucked. At the same time, Cutter is to deliver the Box to the estate. Although Caldlow tries to avoid the interaction, the interaction happens, and Cutter is also ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ENRAGED!!! A lot of anger in this movie.

Anyway, yeah! Angier was fucking dead! And now, Borden’s life is absolutely ruined for something that, to be fair, he didn’t actually do! But there’s a question...how the fuck is this possible? I mean, we know a lot of the details. but not everything. It is at this point, though, that we flashback to the night in question.

First things first, Olivia is tried of this bullshit. She’s leaving before it’s too late, because their obsessions with each other is too fucking much. With Angier about to debut a new trick, a new version of the “Transported Man”, Borden goes to the show night-after-night, despite the fact that his wife is dead, kinda because of him. But whatever, amirite? MAGIC RULES ALL

Borden attends the show multiple times, and night after night, Angier enters the machine, and his double appears above the audience seconds later, which astounds and amazes. Finally, Borden’s fed up, and he makes his way backstage to figure out what the FUCK is happening. And that’s when we get back to the beginning. The clone of Angier dies in the water tank, and Borden’s framed for the crime. And it worked.

Realizing now that he’s fucked, Borden in the modern day says his tearful goodbyes to the always silent Fallon, admitting his faults, and apologizing to him for what happened with Sarah? Huh. But a part of me wonders whether or not Borden can escape. I mean, he’s an escape artist and a magician, right?

No. Borden is brought to the gallows to be done. And when they ask if he has anything more to say...he does.

...Holy shit.

After this, we go back to Caldlow/Angier. He brings the machine to the theatre with the help of Cutter. There, he prepares to burn the theatre and the box, and a water tank also in the cellar. And then, he’s shot. Wait, wait, he’s fucking SHOT? By...oh. OHHHHHH.

Fallon. FALLON shoots Caldlow/Angier. But it’s not Fallon really. No, no. This is THE OTHER Alfred Borden, who’s been disguised as Fallon the whole time. But wait! There’s FUCKING MORE! As Angier/Caldlow dies (YES DIES), we learn the truth from both sides. Let’s start with Borden.

See, this entire time, through all the BULLSHIT that Angier went through to make this goddamn stupid fucking trick work...Cutter was right. THE ENTIRE TIME. But how did Borden to the Transported Man? Easy: he has a twin brother. HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN BROTHER!!! I was wrong! The real trick is that the brothers sacrificed their individuality in order to play the same person! This whole goddamn time! HOLY SHIT! That’s also why Sarah noted that Borden seemed like two people at once sometimes! In fact, one brother loved Sarah, and the other loved Olivia! Holy fucking SHIT! But what about the hands, you ask? Easy! To commit to the bit, the other brother CUT HIS FUCKING FINGERS OFF!!! WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK?!?

Now THAT is a fucking twist! And Angier’s equally as impressed. But OK...how did Angier do his trick? Simple; by killing his clones EVERY SINGLE FUCKING NIGHT WITH THE WATER TANK! Which is just SUPER FUCKED when you think about it! He’s killing himself every night, because when he steps in to the machine, he never knows if he’s the man in the water or on the stage! He’s literally drowning himself every night, in the same way that his wife died! And you know the REALLY FUCKED UP THING? 

HE ALREADY TRIED TO DO THE EXACT SAME THING EARLIER

Yeah! That’s from before, shortly after his wife died! And he did that every night, WAITING for the right moment to get his revenge on Borden to frame him for murder! ISN’T THAT ABSOLUTELY FUCKED?!? I LOVE IT!

So, yeah, that’s all well and good, but for the love of God, WHY? Angier got his revenge already with the better showmanship from his first revision of Borden’s trick, so why do it like this now? Well, Angier’s reply is that he did it to see the magic on people’s faces when they realized the trick in front of them. I mean...you’re fuckin’ CRAZY dude, but I respect your devotion to the craft?

Angier dies, and the lantern falls on the ground, causing everything to start burning. And as Borden walks away from this mess, we hear Caine’s narration come in again, and go back to that first scene with him and the little girl, whom we now know is Borden’s daughter. And luckily for her, her ACTUAL FATHER, the right Borden, is the one who’s still alive. He comes for her, with Cutter’s blessings, and his narration continues. And as it does, Borden in the fast, in the theatre, looks back at the scene around him. And he realizes what he’s looking at.

Every magic trick consists of 3 parts, or "acts." The first part is called "the Pledge." The magician shows you something ordinary. The second act is called "the Turn." The magician takes the ordinary something, and makes it into something extraordinary. But, you wouldn't clap yet, because making something disappear isn't enough... you have to bring it BACK. Now, you're looking for the secret. But you won't find it, because, of course, you're not really looking. You don't really want to work it out. You want to be... FOOLED.

That’s The Prestige, and uh...holy fucking SHIT. See you in the Review.

[ma-sulevin]

Real Nasty Shit

My piece for the Far Cry 5 Fanzine! Best read in conjunction with the lovely art by @oliviawildesjawline​

Rating: M, for swearing and canon-typical violence Word Count: 999

Read it on AO3 instead!

---

Sharky knows the cult’s been up to some real nasty shit lately, and he’s kinda been expecting it to happen, because as cool as it is that their leader gets to walk around without a shirt all the time, it’s still pretty fuckin’ weird to have a group of people move more than 2,000 miles cross-country to live on a compound together, and if Charlemagne Victor Boshaw could pick up on that right away, he doesn’t know what took everyone else so fuckin’ long.

Okay, so, he knows the cult helped some people at first, payin’ mortgages and doing yard work for old folks and cleaning up litter or whatever, but then people started up and disappearing and Peggies started showing up with those weird-as-fuck tattoos on their chests and arms, and how were people still willing to join up after that?

And Hurky says they’re not allowed to drink, smoke, or fuck, and really, Sharky’s not about that life. Why give up the simple pleasures just to be able to walk through Eden’s Gate, or whatever? He’s got a perfectly good gate he can walk through on his property, and no one’s trying to take any of the good stuff away from him.

Shit’s getting particularly weird on this side of the mountain, what with fields of those weird flowers popping up everywhere, basically overnight, and if Sharky gets too close they make him dizzy and wobbly and, like, sparky, and he only wants that if he asks for it, not when he’s out taking an innocent walk with his flamethrower. 

Not only are the flowers ruining his nature time, but the people who take care of the fields are creepy as fuck too, and that’s been getting worse. It’s not even an exaggeration to say that one tried to eat his face when he got too close to it. He was just walking along, minding his own business, looking for something to burn that won’t get him arrested again, because he hasn’t been out all that long and he’s getting real tired of spending his nights at the jail. He was skirting around one of the flower fields because he knows better than to cut right through them now, and just about the time he could see the truck playing Peggie music, he heard someone start yelling, and when he turned around, there was a person with a shaved head and a hospital mask and milky-green eyes barreling right toward him with a shovel lifted over their head.

He’s not proud of a lot of things about himself, not really, but if there’s one thing he’s good at (other than, like, building flamethrowers and mixin’ drinks and making shit explode usually-on-purpose), it’s staying alive, so he swung his pistol up and fired. He didn’t even have time to think about who this person was or why they were trying to get him.

They hit the ground with a strangled cry, and Sharky stood there, watching the blood bloom on their chest, and he felt sick, horrified, hands shaking, cold sweat standing out on his skin because he just killed someone, and what’s he supposed to do?

And then they started to get up, and he panicked, and he shot them again, this time in the head, because what kind of fuckin’ zombie can get shot in the chest and then stand back up like nothing’s wrong? They stayed down that time, and then Sharky had to book it because a non-zombie-Peggie started yelling at him, probably for killing the zombie, and he didn’t look back. 

The dead Peggie didn’t end up in the news, and the cops didn’t come knocking at his door, and he realized… the Peggies weren’t working with the law. You only don’t go to the law with a dead body if you’re up to bigger shit the law don’t need to know about.

So, yeah, the cult’s up to some real nasty shit, and the fact that the police tried to arrest Joseph and somehow managed to fuck that up beyond belief just makes everything worse. It’s like the Peggies don’t give a shit anymore -- they’re just taking what they want, burning down what they can’t take easy, and kidnapping people right off the streets (he’s seen it), and they’re churning out more of those zombie-Peggies like they’re trying to cast a weird-ass hillbilly version of Night of the Living Dead .

Literally the only good thing about this is with almost all of the Sheriff’s Department on lockdown by the cult, there’s no one to stop Sharky from lighting up or destroying the cult’s shit, and he’s planning on taking full advantage of it. He can fight back without having to go down to the jail or into Fall’s End to find some people to team up with. He can kill some zombie-Peggies on his own, thin out the herd, maybe save a few people who don’t know that they can get up once or twice after they should’ve been killed, maybe just have a little fun with the flamethrower and the explosives he’s been collecting.

He puts out a call for people to join him for a barbeque (hah) at the Moonflower and gets all set up as he waits, patience wearing thinner every second, testing his speaker system and the pedals he’s set up to help him control the music.

(The zombie-Peggies hate his disco, which is just another reason they’ve gotta be put down. They can’t be trusted with that kind of taste in music.)

Sharky’s got his hand on the starting switch when he sees a car pull up to the Moonflower’s entrance, and he hesitates just long enough to recognize Hurky hauling himself outta the front seat, waving big and happy, and then someone he recognizes from the Wanted: Sinner posters that keep poppin’ up everywhere.

Oh, hell yeah.

If he can get the deputy on his side against the zombie-Peggies… this is gonna be fuckin’ lit.

[edierone]

26 and 77 for the mash up list

Five Miles Is a Long Way to Walk In Florsheims

She really did it. 

She — she just pulled over, told me to get out, and — kept on driving. 

I know I was pissing her off this entire case (but especially today), I know I probably (definitely) pushed it too far when I did the vehicular version of Dutch-ovening her just now, a little juvenile humor to lighten the mood … ok, honestly, with the heat on, it was really kind of nauseating, even for me. 

She’s threatened to dump me out before, like a dad yelling at the kids to pipe down or he’ll make ‘em walk home. 

But — this time, she really did it. And here I am, by the side of a two-lane road in the far yonder of cow country, in a cold drizzling rain, in my suit (minus the jacket, which is … still in the car) and cheap dumb dress shoes from JC Penney — thank god I left my Nunn Bush oxfords at home, I guess? — watching the rented Ford’s taillights recede in the far distance.  

I’ll wait a few minutes. She’ll come back. 

Nope. It’s been fifteen already. New plan: Walk till I’m just over that next rise — probably she’s sitting there, waiting for me to catch up, parked on the narrow shoulder with the radio on one of her channels (theory: might’ve been the fourth airing of “Livin’ Lovin’ Maid” that pushed her over the edge; note to self, that’s enough classic rock for today). I’ll show up, she’ll forgive me, and we’ll get back to finding the Phantom Murderin’ Cowboy of BFE. 

*************

Nope. Fox and his tired old dogs are walkin back to Cowburg. 

*************

Five miles is a long way to walk in Florsheims, especially when the seams start to give and your socks are soaked and your hair is in your face and even your belt is ruined. It’s enough time to get titanically self-righteously angry, then run out of steam on that and rethink your position, then feel like utter dogshit for the way you’ve treated the most important person in your life, then script and rehearse your most abject apology speech dozens of times, refining it to remove all traces of self-pity and accusation and adding a few jokey lines so she knows it’s you and not some shapeshifting asshole wearing you as a skin suit or something. 

I’m — I’m properly chastened, is what I’m saying, and all I want is to get back in her good graces. And maybe get some dry clothes on; my balls are rubbed pretty raw at this point. 

Room 27, adjoining room 28, the last two on the end farthest from the road. I start to feel just how bad off I am as I cross the parking lot: I’m freezing, my left knee hurts like a bastard, my ankles feel swollen to the point of sloshiness, my back is killing me, and my feet — oh god, my feet … I limp to good old 27, then realize with a wave of despair that my key is in the pocket of my suit jacket, which I can see crumpled on the floor of the Taurus’s backseat. 

Shit. 

Rather than add “broken rental car window” to my list of crimes and expense items, I gather what’s left of my dignity — there ain’t much — and shuffle over to 28. 

“Knock knock, it’s the bog monster of Black Rock Creek, I’m here to —”

The door swings open so fast I almost fall through it. 

There she is, keys in hand and coat on — that determined/worried little furrow between her eyes quickly smoothing out and hiking skyward as she takes in my bedraggled state. I don’t get a chance to give my apology speech, because she’s already launched into hers: “Jesus, Mulder, you look like a drowned rat! I’m so sorry — I thought it was only a mile or so, but it took you so long, I got worried — you — I was so angry, I guess I just didn’t realize how far it was — oh, look at your shoes! I was coming to get you — god you must be so cold —”

The whole time, she’s dragging me inside, running to the bathroom to grab towels which she tosses at me, bending to help me shuck the worthless bits of leather that used to be size 11 Fed footwear, checking through my sopping-wet hair for head trauma — at least I think that’s what she’s doing, but I don’t really care cause it feels pretty good. 

But I can’t let her do all the apologizing, so all the while, I’m trying to interject with my own mea culpa — about how it’s OK, I’m OK, I was being a dumbass and I deserved it and I’m sorry for questioning her take on the third vic’s cause of death (she was right, I was reaching, and being a dick about it besides), if she wants to Dutch-oven me as revenge, I’ll take it like a man … 

That one finally makes her stop fussing and laugh, her big surprising Scully-laugh that makes me feel like a god for bringing it forth. 

“Mulder …” she finally says, looking me up and down with a mixture of pity and amusement that kinda makes me tingle. “I’ll save that idea for another time. Why don’t you go get a hot shower and I’ll — try to find something to eat. I’m already dressed to go out anyway.” 

I agree to this plan, and in less than an hour, we’re side by side in comfy warm sweatpants on the surprisingly decent couch, eating some of the best tortilla soup I’ve ever tasted. She brought icy cold glass bottles of Coke, too — “Hecho in Mexico, oh man, Scully, that’s the stuff!”

She puts hers down and hops up, going to dig something out of her trench pocket. “I almost forgot! I found something else to warm you up.” She holds it out to me — a pint bottle of Jameson’s. 

“Heyyyyyy!” I reach for it, cracking it open and smelling it. “Where’d you get this? I thought this was a dry county.” 

“It is,” she smiles, with an arch aren’t-I-clever look. “I bought it off the front desk clerk — smelled something on her breath and took the big investigative leap. She charged me a pretty big markup, but I thought it was worth it, under the circumstances.” 

I agree, and ask if we have glasses — but this isn’t the kind of place that furnishes barware, so I guess we’ll have to swig it like a couple of winos under a bridge. 

“I don’t mind swapping spit with you, Scully, if you’re ok with mine,” I say, landing a pretty ill-timed glance at her lips that I hope she doesn’t notice. 

She does. It makes her blush a little, which she brazens through with a big manly belt of the Jameson’s. She hands the bottle to me and dares me with her eyes to do better. 

I can’t, of course, but I try, and as the first gulp slides down my throat, warming me from the inside, I have one of those hot pulses of the deepest kind of affection for her — the kind that just shouts in my head, iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou, so loud that I almost give it voice for real. 

But, of course, I don’t; we finish our dinner, taking occasional nips of whiskey, calling out increasingly sloppy answers at Jeopardy! and then Wheel of Fortune on the crummy motel TV. 

The news is next and neither of us is in the mood, so I click through the five working channels and get lucky: North By Northwest is just starting. I scooch around to get comfortable, but I must’ve stiffened up — both of my hip joints and something up high in my back crack audibly, and the girly scream whistling out of me at the way my calf just seized would be funny if it didn’t hurt so much. 

Well, I guess it’s funny to Scully — she laughs, but apologizes. Then laughs again. She’s ruthless, not to mention mean. I tell her so. She laughs harder. I pout dramatically, and eventually she relents.

“All right, all right — you’ll be useless in the morning if I don’t get you fixed up, and I don’t plan on carrying your bag through DFW airport. Get up on that bed, I’ll massage the kinks out.” 

I swear I do not even have time to open my mouth before she warns, deadly serious: “And if you say one word about this is how some of your favorite movies start —”

Ahh, she knows me, doesn’t she? 

I make like a totally innocent man — pure of heart, mind, and deed — and lie down on my stomach with my feet toward the headboard, propping my chin up on a pillow so I can keep watching the movie. Scully gets to work. 

And she’s good. Got those doctor hands. Whoever’s in 26 must think we’re making the world’s weirdest sex tape in here, or else that we’ve kidnapped a moose that sometimes converses with Cary Grant. 

By the time she gets to my feet, I feel like a melted marshmallow.  

Scully says dreamily, “I remember watching this once somewhere when I was about twelve, and thinking Eve Kendall was the coolest thing I’d ever seen.” I make an inquiring noise. “You know — this scene —”

They’re on the train. Eva Marie Saint’s lookin ol’ Archibald in the eye, telling him she’s twenty-six and unmarried and likes his face, how it’s gonna be a long night, and

“And I don't particularly like the book I've started,” Scully murmurs along. I crane my neck to look back at her; her lips curve upward in the most delicious-looking arc, her eyes twinkling with that sort of mischievous/impressed look she gets toward me sometimes. 

I love it, but it makes me a little jealous, so I tell her so. She just giggles and says, “Oh, don’t be jealous of old crushes!” I want to ask her who’s the crush, Eva Marie or Cary, but she grabs the other pillow and flops down on her stomach beside me and suddenly I can’t talk — I just lie there, grinning like a fool. 

She passes me the one-third-full Jameson’s — one more sip each before she caps it for the night. We watch for awhile longer. During the next commercial break, she turns to me, studying me with a gentle smile.  

“You look a little dopey,” she says fondly, and I laugh. 

“I’m also happy, sleepy, and tipsy — wonder where the other three dwarfs are?”

Her eyes are on the TV again. “Doc … Bashful … Horny …” 

Suddenly my heart is thumping way too hard. When I talk, it comes out softer than I meant it to. “I don’t think ‘Horny’ is one of the original septet, Doc …”

She shifts a little. She’s smiling but she won’t look at me. “Neither is ‘Tipsy,’ but I spotted you that one — fair’s fair, Mulder.”

“Oh, we’re being honest?” Where did this voice come from, the one that makes her shiver? There — just then — she did, she did shiver. I saw it. “Well, maybe there was a Horny. And a Woody, and a — Smitten, and a —”

“I think you better stop there, Prince Charming,” she interrupts, finally half-turning her face toward me. She still won’t make eye contact; maybe she knows, like I do, that if she does that, we don’t stand a chance of keeping this from happening. 

The thing is, I want it to. I have for a long, long time, and I think — so does she, so has she. 

That’s the source of so much of the tension between us; that’s really why we fought earlier, why there’ve been so many of these little flareups lately, embers dropped into dry grass and then stomped out with such vigor. We’ve been careful not to get into situations like this one, where the space separating us is so small that we can feel the other’s exhales on our own skin. 

I drop down from my elbows to lie flat, facing her. I can see her eyelashes silhouetted against the washed-out lights of 1959 onscreen. “Scully,” I say, barely above a whisper. 

It’s a long moment before she finally whispers back, “Not here.”

I know what she means, of course I do. Not on a case, not in a janky motel, not even a little bit under the influence. 

“Then where?” 

She shakes her head, a tiny movement that makes her hair fall forward, obscuring any part of her I could read. 

She doesn’t know? Or she doesn’t want to say? I can’t tell, so I try another question.

“Soon, do you think?”

She tenses, and for a second I think she’s going to get up, or order me out of here. But then she drops her head to the pillow, facing me. Her eyes are huge, serious, full of something unnameable that I nonetheless understand. 

“Soon,” she agrees. 

I nod, nearly overwhelmed by my love for her, the tremendous weight of this moment, the desire that’s been there for so long I don’t remember a time when it wasn’t. 

She reaches to touch my face, skimming lightly along one side, barely barely barely there on my eyelid, so softly; I close my eyes as she traces where she likes. 

Her hand falls eventually, coming to rest in the little valley between us. I take hold of it, gently, risking a glimpse at her. Her eyes are shut now, but I’m not sure she’s asleep. 

“I love you,” I say, but silently, the coward’s way. “So much.” 

If she hears me, it’s only subliminally; that’s all the daring I have tonight. Sweet dreams, Scully, I think as I drift off. Sweet dreams. 

--------------------------

[Thanks for the long-ago prompt, anon -- from the Fic Trope Mashup list, Massage Fic and In Vino Veritas]

[rpausandwhatifs]

Bastards of the Perfect|| Persephone and Isla

 @ledabunnie-rp @danhowell-rp

“Mom?! What are talking about?” Isla said when her mother walked by with bags.

“Don’t ask me that! You know we have to go! When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. Your father gets it. I dunno how many times I have to tell you this-”

“I DON’T WANNA GO!”

“You WHAT?”

“Mommy, come here. Stop this. I don’t wanna leave again. I like living with my dad as a family. Why do have to leave?”

“You know why, Isla! Why are you being so difficult? I thought you like going on trips with mommy-”

“NO! I hate it just as much as I like it. You don’t plan them. You just pack our bags and we go. We’ve lived on the street. Daddy’s paid for hotel after hotel- and you still wanna live in these cheap motel-”

“Because he’ll find us-”

“WHO MOM?! Who the fuck are you running from? Dad told me that he’s dead. Like really dead. Like took me to his grave dead. Like we don’t have to run anymore dead.”

“Watch your mouth. Pack your bags...I need to know you’re safe..”

“I’m safe right here with Daddy and in this loft with you! I’m not going!”

“Isla Artemis Muir-Cyr...you know what?! Fuck it! You don’t wanna leave? Fine! I just better see you here when I get back! All I’ve ever done is keep you safe! All I’ve done is show you love and protect you and this is what you do?!”

“Leda, don’t try to guilt-trip me when you’re the one who refuses to go to therapy for your PTSD. I’m tired of this-”

“What the fuck? Isla!” Cyr called from the living room as he walked into the house, “What’s going on?” 

“*gasp* Vincent...Finally, he’ll talk some sense into you-”

“TALK SOME SENSE INTO ME?! Fuck you!” she blurted, getting her backpack and stuffing some clothes and putting on some clothes and storming into the living room into her father.

“Hey, hey. Honey bunch, what’s wr- woahh woah! Where’s the fire? Hey! Stop! Talk to me!” Cyr said as he grabbed her but spun them around gripped her harder and gave her a small shake to get her into the moment.

“Mom wants to leave again and I just can’t do it again. Especially since it’s for no reason,” Isla began, still huffing, “I’m not a kid anymore. Why does she do this? Why doesn’t she get treatment? Why do you let her go? Don’t you love her? Why won’t you make her stay?! Dad, she fucks people to get a place to sleep! She gambles, she steals! Moms aren’t supposed to do those things! I’m not supposed to see those things!”

“Isla...come here. It’s not her fault. That guy whose grave I took you to, right? He did a lot of fucked-up things to her and it’s hard for her to come to terms with all of it. You don’t have to go, it’s okay. She did protect you, and she took care of you as best she could. She loves you and she loves the company. Look. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll see if I can talk to her out of this episode.” The lanky man embraced his daughter, rubbing her back and kissing her cheek and forehead as he walked back into what is their bedroom. 

Isla sat and waited for a few minutes through the screams and yells back and forth. The usual thrashing and breaking of items in their room because Leda’s manic energy was so high. Then it died down a little and she heard little cries of her mother supposedly accepting that it’s over and that it’s ok. The walls in this loft are even walls. They’re like paper partitions with soundproofing and heavy curtains. She soon heard her mother, she heard the bed, and slapping noises and her father’s name...well let’s just say her parents are making up. Gross. She got up, wrote a note on the fridge and took something to drink and a snack before she grabbed her dad’s keys and left. 

----------------------------------------------------

Persephone/Persi had been at home and once again she was grounded. Go figure. She packed a bag because she knew she needed more time and space away from her family. They’d understand even though they don’t understand her as a person. Eh, maybe one day. Right now, she’s going to make the most of her 17 years of life so far and her underlying mental illness. She took her stash out and the prepaid card her grandparents loaded for her and used Dan’s ZipCar account to drive from Vegas to LA. 

She looked around to see where the other kids a little older than her were doing and she settled on the Santa Monica Pier. She walked the boardwalk and scored some weed and cigarettes from the other kids because she looked like them. She was having fun and drinking a little until she felt like she was no longer the kid with two gay parents and a twerp for a little gay brother with a hard-on for their oldest cousin. 

She was flying on the beach at the bonfire with everyone having fun. Her new friends were being awfully cool and they were just sharing weed and stories and bottles of various alcohols that she could get her hands on. Tonight it felt like her last night being in high school, her last night being this young. She wondered what would come of this experience until they said that they were going to the Sunken City.

-------------------------------------------------

The red haired girl offered to let her catch a ride to the Sunken City with her for no charge. The car felt and smelled like a rental. They shared cigarettes on the drive up and some stories about their lives. The brown haired girl felt something different about the girl driving, it didn’t feel creepy and it didn’t feel like they should be friends, either. She had feelings for a girl she just met and was giving her a free Uber to this location on a school night and they were both floating  

“Where do you go to school?” Persephone asked, “Just like location and if you like it. I hate school”

“Uhh..oh,uhh I got to someplace in the valley. Real casual shit. I hate everyone there and I hate school in general because I don’t like how they teach it’s so lazy and not personal to what I wanna do when I leave. Especially when I was in and out of school for as fucking long as I was-”

“You too?! Fuck I’ve transferred outta like 5 schools across 2 countries for fighting.”

“Woah..I just don’t be at school. I’m most of the time on the road, but it sounds way more badass to move schools for fighting..What happened?”

“No, no. You first, babe. I don’t like talking about something that I can’t explain myself...” Persi kept her eyes on the road.

Isla blushed at the endearment, and it that feeling wasn’t going away. Strange. “My mom is fucking trash. See? When she was a kid, she dated this guy and he was crazy and she got away from him and got kidnapped again so she got away from him again and then my dad said that she was there when one of her friends killed him for her when he found her again, but she’s used to being on the move and on the road, which was fun when I was a kid, then my dad forced us to settle down and I’ve been living in LA and tonight she was trying to leave again..I couldn’t listen to my parents fight and makeup again so I heard that some kids were going to hang out at the pier tonight and here I am.”

“Wow..that’s fucking deep. And gross. You’ve had to hear your parents fuck?” she asked, her American accent slipping, “I get that. My parents fight about what to do with me and my dad was quite the man’s man in their day so my pussy of a dad needs talking down because my mom’s crazy. I was basically planned by her but not by my dad. It’s mental. Like really, this apparently had to do with his mental and Daniel is so vetted about it but then again he went and fucked Bryonny and she had my baby brother..ugh..you’d think they’d learn but nooo! They fuckin fight and so I fuckin fight bitch boys at school and birds who try me.”

“How are you in school but you’re driving a rental? Don’t you have to like..be older to drive these?” Isla asked, deflecting from the drama. She really didn’t want to ruin a great night.

“I snuck out, got a hotel room with my money from my grands, and rented the car in Dan’s name. I still got money for like four days, so I’ll go back when that money runs out or I feel like going home, but I just can’t stand it,” Persi explained, “You sound like you’re not trying to see the sunrise in your bedroom either.”

“Damn, how long have you been English? I thought you were-”

“My mum is American. My dad’s from Northern England, Dan’s from like London, I think? And Bryonny’s from Brighton. I have dual citizenship. Hence, being kicked out of primary and secondary school as well as elementary and middle schools around here. I didn’t want to do Sixth Form. So I came to high school in the states. I live in Vegas,” Persi explained, “I hid my accent as best I could because..I didn’t want all the hard-ons and wet panties simply off of my accent. It’s so northern and rough and mixed up. I don’t see how anyone would like it, and it slips...”

“I like your accent..” Isla says, a little quieter, not intending to stare at the girl so long, but she smiled when she saw the girl smile a little. 

They parked a little further up on the beach and followed the crowd to the water. Both Isla and Persephone stripped to their underwear and splashed in the moonlight. They settled as they lit the bonfire and broke out the entertainment of sparklers, weed, and little games of touch football. Persi had gone to use the bathroom and left Isla for a few minutes, claiming that she could hold her own. While the redhead was coming back from the port-a-potties, she spotted her new friend being shuffled off and accosted by some chad and she didn’t know what came over her. 

“Yo!” Persi called as she saw the girl trying to fight the man off from touching her. When nothing happened she started running and felt herself slipping away even though she had been drinking. On the way she grabbed an empty bottle out of the trash and came crashing into the two, bashing the big bottle against his head and yanking him back, throwing him to the sand and stomped on his head. “Stay away from her, you fucking creep!” she yelled and then realized she had knocked him clean out. It was a fairly large guy, and Isla was stunned. She hadn’t really been in too many situations like this, which is something she can be thankful her mom did, but it was so unlike her to not react to something she felt was coming out of her control. When Persi came up, Isla looked at the girl and their panting matched. Persi couldn’t see the girl, but the girl who stood in front of her liked what she saw. 

“I know this is creepy as fuck but you look kinda cute when you’re scared,” she said with an unwavering English accent, “Persi tell you about me?”

Isla was so confused a little scared, “Uhh I don’t even know her name...and thanks?” 

“Ah, she’s bad at that sometimes. I’m- well we’re Persephone. I like being called Persephone. Ya know, like the greek person. The one that made a deal with Hades to save her boyfriend and he straight left her and she ended up fucking Hades anyway. That one,” Persephone said, putting her hands in her pockets and flipping her hair over one shoulder, “She usually goes by Persi, like Percy Jackson, like the books? It’s nutted, anyway. I think she likes Greek Mythology or gender-neutral naming, but eh..Either way it’s nice to meet you sweetie.”

Isla was shocked, but she wasn’t too concerned. She had a mother who would just phase out, and she remembers her talking about a guy she went to school with who had a condition like this. Her father backed this up, so it’s gotta be true. She liked how the shift in her accent and her hair placement presented a completely different girl, who she had a harder crush on. Her legs rubbed together and she bit her lip, trying not to smile to big, “Uhmm..I’m Isla..Not Lila, Isla...Like Isla Fisher, like that crazy red-he-oh...sorry.” The girl blushed so hard and played with the dirt with her shoes.

“None taken, cutie! Isla is such a cute name. And yes I know she was the girl Shaggy liked in Scooby Doo, and yeah the crazy chick from Wedding Crashers. Gingers don’t get a good wrap, but it is true we’re amazing in the sack,” Persephone explained, smiling and giggling watching the other girl trying not to meet her gaze. She knew she was fighting with herself, but Persephone was willing to play ball, “So..you wanna get outta here? I think they’re bouta go home or something. I’ve already smuggled enough hooch, grass, and drugs that we can hit up a hotel now.”

“Can we go to a Wal-Mart, first? I wanna pick up some provisions,” Isla explained, “Is there a pool or a spa at the hotel?”

“Yeah I think so. It’s a homestay suite, so I guess I’m gonna cook for the next few days,” Persephone said, pulling the car keys out of her pocket and walking towards the car.

Isla was now very concerned, “Wait, cook for us? That’s romantic, and efficient...how..how old are you?”

“We’re 17. We turn 18 in a few months. I didn’t think it woulda mattered cus you look as old as me. Also I think I have some clothes that might fit you, we look about the same size, as cute as your outfit is, those desert nights aren’t kind,” she said, unlocking the car and opening the door for the girl. She takes some time to get her duffle bag out of the back and brought it to the back seat, pulling out a large heavy hoodie she had from Reiner- which is funny he hadn’t asked for it back yet after their rather interesting night on their field trip- and tossed it to the girl. She pulled about $100 and handed it to Isla to put it to the side for gas. 

“Wow..you’re so organized..Have..have you done this before?” she asked, putting on the hoodie and smelled it, catching the tones of cologne and sweat and her body spray and deodorant. It made her melt into the passenger seat, but she wondered who’s cologne she smelled in the fabric of this comfy garment.

“Eh, sorta..I’ve thought about putting this little getaway together for about 6 months. You’re a nice add-on. I’m gonna go back after about 4 or 5 days, because..I just felt so trapped and I needed space to calm down. My parents are usually too busy with work and their own infidelity to give me time and attention like I should get, especially with..ya know..this..” she said, getting in the car and starting it, pulling out, “Where am I dropping you off when this is over, babe?”

Isla’s chest had a resounding bang again and she looked at Persephone. Why does she like this? She doesn’t even know if she likes girls. The GPS on the screen and the soft music in the background gave her time to think. She looked at her phone and saw a few missed calls from her dad then a simple message telling her to be safe and be careful, and that they love her. She swiped away the notifications and opened her phone, playing some game to take her mind off of abandoning her parents. She didn’t feel like a bad kid, she just felt like her mother steals her spotlight. This sweatshirt around her made her think of all the casual relationships she had on the road and how if they would have lasted, maybe she wouldn’t be so unfamiliar to love. Maybe she wouldn’t be so hesitant with her feelings for the girl driving them to a getaway. Even when the guy was simply a jerk, it felt like it was her fault. Watching her parents were no help either. It caused her to panic that she possibly didn’t know how to love or what good love looked like. She was a broken girl and never fit in anywhere. She blanked out when that guy grabbed her, her body barely fought him when his hand snaked up her torso while he pressed together. Coming to and seeing the ginger girl beating him down was so relieving. She’d usually come back and she’d be sore, emotionless, and alone. There, she wasn’t alone. The same girl who gave her a ride had saved her from something she didn’t know about. Her own mother had the same problem and couldn’t explain. Why can’t she fight? Isla now felt like she owed Persi. However, she’s not making it seem that way. She hasn’t even asked for any money; if anything, she gave her cash. What kinda rich kid reject is she, anyway? “You said your parents are gay, right?’ she asked, looking at her, “That’s still a new thing.”

“Yeah, gay. Two different surrogate mothers, AAND English immigrants. Well, I’m actually American. My brother isn’t. I was born in the States and my brother’s mum had her across the pond in Camden. My dad and Dan went to school in Montana, then they wanted two places for us to live-”

“Wait you said Montana?!” Isla jumped up, leaning over the center console “As in the high school and college in the Montana mountains, Montana?”

“Yeah..for YouTubers,” Persi looked at the girl while they stopped at a red light, a little wide-eyed and very surprised that she met someone who knew what she was talking about, “Wait..”

“My parents are Vincent Cyr and Leda Muir...who in the hell are your parents?” she asked, tilting her head.

“Dan Howell and Phil Lester-”

“yOUR pARENTS...Wait wait wait...Hang on. You share biological DNA with Amazing Phil? The Amazing Phil?! Who the fuck is your mom?”

“Cat Valdez...”

“Catrific?! Wow..you’re the heiress of YouTube royalty!”

“And you’re the heiress of YouTube controversy...As am I...So that means-”

“That we both have a base level of a fucked up family. I’ve heard stories about Phan being super toxic and so crazy!”

“Same..I remember when..uh..Cameron? Right? He stormed the campus and someone fucking took him out. It was amazing. Everybody thinks it fucked her up more-”

“It did. It really did. She’s still in denial.”

“She still move around a lot? They used to tell me that they never knew when she was on campus because she would run-”

“Uhh well, when my dad got her pregnant with me she was still running around and then around the time when she had me my parents lived together in the valley in a loft- we still live there now, but my mom would still leave and for a few years and sometimes I’d stay with my grandparents and sometimes I went with her until my dad put his foot down and I said I didn’t wanna move around anymore. So I’ve lived in Carmel Valley for the past 7 years going to school and shit, then tonight happened. My mom just snapped and told me to pack because we’re leaving. I didn’t wanna leave and we fought and I left.”

“..So, fuck I’m sorry, I’m Persi, by the way I forgot to introduc-”

“Persephone filled me in already. You have the same personality disorder your dad did...My mom told me about it before. Phil didn’t use to be the best guy in the world and Dan is dumb enough to be with him this whole time,” Isla said, not moving from the center console as they started on the road again, “No offense but I didn’t know they had kids in the mix.”

“I was a wedding gift, my mom says..then again my mum turned out to be a real psycho when it came to my dad. So yeah, like Persephone graciously explained, my dad does have the same thing, but it went away once he got my mum preggos. She told me his name was Zack. And it will usually tell you how they want to be addressed, but she usually doesn’t talk when she’s around...she just screams and causes havoc which leaves me in trouble..” Persi explained, “My baby brother only came around because Dan was being petty and got Bryonny knocked up. However, it’s way sweeter of a time being around her than Dan or my mom.”

“Oh, then the holidays must suck for you, huh,” Isla commented, “My parents were young and dumb and my mom had this crazy delusion that she couldn’t have kids because of what Cameron did to her or something..When in all reality her reproductive system had healed enough for me to be born. My dad tells me all of the time how she would freak out and stop taking care of herself because she was ‘scared to death of having to stay in one place in case he found her.’ And I’m just like-”

It just sounds like a fucked up way of saying they couldn’t get rid of me.

Persi and Isla had arrived at the store and looked at each other when they had said the sentence, they had looked away into their respective windows, but quickly turned heads to see they felt the same way. They were mistakes. Tactfully set upon this earth to make things worse for their parents regardless of their feelings. They didn’t feel like they belonged, and at the end of the day they didn’t even have the loving comfort of their parents. Just themselves. 

“Let’s hurry up and get what we need so we can get to this room,” Persi said quickly, backing off and getting out of the car. 

Isla was still frozen. She felt so much at once from once sentence than she ever had with anyone else. Someone who understood. Someone she could stay close to and trust because they were all they had. It made the pang in her chest take her breath away and she sat staring into the center console until Persi jolted her out of it with a hand on her shoulder, “Earth to Isla...Come on!” She hurried along, holding the girl’s hand. They were around the same height, Persi maybe a little taller. She wasn’t sure that the ginger even noticed that they had linked until they walked into the automatic doors and saw that she meant to do it, “Uhh, why are you holding my hand?”

“Because this is like the second time you’ve just spaced out on me. I can’t afford to bring you back to your family if I lose you. Also, remember I am somebody’s older sister, so habit I guess?” she said quickly, then let go but walked close to the girl.

Isla looked ahead again and blushed, snaking her hand into Persi’s again, and feeling a squeeze. 

“Did you wanna ride in the cart?” Persi asked with a playful smile, “It is weird Wal-Mart hours, so nobody’s gonna care.”

“Actually, I don’t think we need that much stuff, let’s go for the scooter!” she jumped up and ran to the station, unattached one and hit the horn for Persi to hop on. 

“Uh-uh, you sit in my lap and steer!” she blurted, pushing her and fixing it as they traversed the store.

They fooled around and had their fun, grabbing their essentials and some supplies for the room so they can eat and live from the suite for at least the first two days. The staff at the store gave them weird looks and didn’t say much, but told them to make sure to put the scooter back when they were done and let them know if it ran out of battery. They didn’t spend too long in the store and bought (almost) everything and left.

They finally pulled into the suite and went to the front desk where Persi gave the receptionist Dan’s name and remembered the hotel had his card on file from previous travel. This was a bonus. She could stay out longer on her parents’ dime. Only thing is that he would see that she went here and stayed so he’d be tempted to track her down. She sneaks out enough they know she’s coming back. 

Once inside, she was pretty impressed with how homey the suite was, complete with all the works and one sofa bed and a large California king sized bed in the other room. Fits because her Dads’ are both 6 feet tall and over. “Fun fact: I almost never travel with my parents unless it’s the mandatory trips to see my grands. When they’re on tour they don’t even fly us out to a certain cluster of cities to watch them work. Given, it is a lot to fly your family around and worry about our safety and shit, but whatever,” Persi said as she put everything down and started to unpack.

“Wow..I’ve never been in a hotel room this nice,” Isla said, doing laps around the suite and checking everything out. She could hear what the girl was saying and felt for her. Even though she wanted to stay and have a more stable life like hers, but she could get used to these trips. She caught herself thinking about seeing her again and planning how their about to spend their summers and maybe even do more getaways with just them. She would love the air and the space- well the individualized attention. She remembered and thought of the first times she would run away with her mom and how this would feel. It feels more like the times they would all go as a family, instead of just her mother. Mostly because of how much fun she was having with the both of them and no tension of the constant worry of someone going to find them or even her mom’s manic energy. Those are the moments where her parent’s love doesn’t bother her and it feels like the love that she was made from. 

“You want the soup first or do you want the spaghetti? Or do you wanna just pop one of these pizzas in the oven?” Persi called to the girl, where she had heard her loading up the dressers but didn’t know what she was doing. She waited and still didn’t hear anything, deciding to put the cheese pizza in the oven and started sifting thru the drinks they put in the refrigerator, cracking open a fresh bottle of whiskey and grabbed the cola and a glass with some ice, making the drink and sitting over in the common area to set up her PlayStation so that she can watch TV. 

Isla strolled out of the bedroom, wearing some clothes that Persi recognized from her own duffle bag. She looked at Persi setting up the television on the couch and sat with her, taking a sip of her drink, “Mmmh! What is this?”

“Jack and Coke. I’m sorry if I drink a bit, I’m used to being able to drink in the UK, and I know the age to drink is 21 over here.”

“Wait, seriously? You can drink at 17 there?”

“Yeah in some places they let you at 16. But 17-18 is the age where you develop a drinking problem around there. Especially if you look like you’re old enough they don’t even card you-”

“Oh my god,” she gasped, curling up and crossing her legs on the couch, “That’s absolutely insane to me.”

“Well tonight we’re gonna drink like English sailors, love,” Persi said as she took the glass from the girl and sipped it again. She looked at the girl who was staring at her lips while she drank and took down the glass, “What’s your type?”

Isla blushed faster than the alcohol allowed her, “My what?!” she sputtered and before she could try to blubber her way out of the question, her face had a finger in front of it.

“I’m out, hold that thought and follow me into the kitchen, I’ll make you one of these too,” Persi interrupted, getting up and taking the girl’s hand with the glass in the other and then continued, “I don’t mean to be that gal, but you’ve been giving me stares all night and your face loses colour every time I called you out of your name out of respect for not knowing it. So is it your first time liking a girl or is it just unprecedented?”

“Uhh well when you put it that way, unprecedented, I guess,” Isla shrugged, “I think I just had stronger feelings cus I’m like plastered and here I am still drinking,” she giggled.

“It’s called a nightcap, but I’ll put Bailey’s in yours instead Coke, but if you want a smoother drink, remember creme is key so you can use vanilla flavours and coffee flavours. It softens alchy burn but keeps the potency, even masking it,” Persi said, dropping cubes into another glass and starting on the other girl’s glass, “Also the caffeine in Bailey’s or Kahlua liqueurs will help you sleep and regulate dehydration when you get up, staying off a monstrous hangover.”

“Wow I never thought about how drinks work because I usually am just grabbing what I can. It sounds like you’ve like sat down and thought about it,” Isla said, relaxing a little and taking the drink when it was complete, sipping it lightly and loving the taste, but tried to focus on the topic at hand, “Why’d you ask me about my sexuality?”

“Conversation mostly, but honestly I’m bi and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable and I can give you the option of sleeping on the bed bed, and I just pass out on the sofa,” Persi said leaning against the counter, making light gestures, “I know I like took you along with me on this adventure, but from what I saw, I’d just want to make sure you know I’m not some creep or something.”

“Uhh oh wow..I don’t mind! T-The bed looks big enough for the both of us to sleep comfortably. I like how...old fashioned you are, and you’re not afraid to share your wealth. I think that’s really cool, but I think I had never heard of someone in our day and age doing stuff like this. And- I’m just realizing that you have freckles on your cheeks. That’s really cute oh my god I’m sorry I’m so distracted. And it’s not your fault I think I might have had too much-” Isla’s rambling was halted by Persephone’s lips

------------------------------------------------------

After their first night of kisses and cuddles, games, and Isla actually getting too drunk and throwing up most of her pizza, they woke holding one another on the gigantic bed, the TV blaring in the background. Persi stretched pulling her hair back with a hair tie and felt something hug her torso tighter. She looked down and saw the brunette, smiled and started to slide out of her grip. 

Isla stirred, feeling a little lost, but watched the girl walk into the bathroom. She was so confused. What happened last night? Where was she? Why was this feeling like she went along with her mother anyway? But it wasn’t? She sat up in the comfortable bed and saw how ornate the room was and could hear that the room didn’t just end in those walls. She was so hungover. The sun was being blocked by the curtains, which helped her sensitivity to light. The girl in the bathroom was still foreign to her, but familiar as she looked through their social media. Clearly, she and the girl had hit it off. That’s a relief. She had seen her phone was fully charged, meaning that she had blacked out well before the other girl, who had been smart enough to charge it for her. She usually doesn’t use her phone or post when on the run just because her mother taught her about vigilance and stopping to look down at her phone means you’re giving someone an opportunity to sneak up on you and take your shit. Also, the mother feared the man who was no longer after her, meaning she had to reduce her presence in the one area where he could track her down or use a lot of sourcing to track her location. Her father, bless his heart, allowed her to have a phone. On her birthday a few years ago, the man had hidden the device in her suitcase, and left her some money for a case and a note informing her not to let her mother know he had given it to her, to take a picture of the case she chose, and send it to him. It allowed her and him to remain connected to his not-so-little girl anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------

Cyr had seen her posts that night and smiled: she was having fun. Leda was still an entire mess that her little girl wasn’t home. She had barely remembered her (almost) husband had given their daughter a cellphone until she remembered seeing the girl use it once before, she took a picture of the motel they were staying at. The girl rose from the bed and walked into the large room and was greeted by Cyr playing a video game. She didn’t really want to bother him but she had to make sure. “Vincent,” her voice was unable to reverberate through the loft, but the man looked up and paused the game.

“Yes honey bear, what’s up? You hungry or something? Do I gotta turn down the TV?” he started, pulling his headphones all the way off. The woman cringed at how much he still guesses what she wants and is right about 85% of the time.

“N-no...Vincent, do you know where Isla is?” she asked, staring at him carefully because the man she loved had a way with lying, it was almost pathological and giving him this look usually worked.

“Maybe I do...maybe I don’t. All I know is that she’s a smart girl, she can handle herself. She’ll be back. She wouldn’t leave us forever like that,” he explained carefully folding his hands and then spreading them, palms up. He’s not lying, he’s gas lighting. She felt her body heat up, rage building from his dismissal. She was Isla’s parent, too, goddammit, she had a right to know! He knew exactly where she was and he wasn’t going to tell her that easily.

“I remember seeing her with a phone. Don’t fucking talk to me like a fucking mental patient, Vincent! You went behind my back and gave her a phone, didn’t you?! She never had any money for her own and I barely had one so I know it had to be you. Where is our daughter?!” Leda asking more seriously, her cheeks going pink. Cyr was cornered, he had to let her baby she never knew she could have was alright. The man motioned the woman over and pulled her daughter’s Instagram and showed her story and all posts since the account was created. “The-These...These are so beautiful,” she referenced the pictures and cracked a warm smile at her daughter’s story of her prancing through a Wal-Mart, the bonfire, and the girl. That girl looked so familiar. She recognised the bright orange hair and little freckles. “Who’s phony.persi?” she asked towards the man, who shrugged.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Phil had gotten smart about his daughter running off over the years. He follows her on social media just in case they have cute father-daughter time or people don’t believe that he’s her father. He went to her story and saw that she had been reposted in someone else’s story by the name of earth-name-isla. He didn’t want to pry, but he had a feeling about the girl that was pictured with his daughter was familiar. He got up and went to his husband, who would know which one of their ex-classmates this girl looked like. “Hey babe..can you come here for a second?” he asked into his ear, running a hand down his arm. 

“What?! What’s going on? You know where Persephone is?” the other asked quickly, whipping his head around and followed his husband back into the office. 

“Yes, but something is weird,” Phil said, handing him the phone and looked at the story and the pictures with her daughter and the mystery girl, “The girl she’s with...does she look familiar to you?”

Dan took a few moments and went through the girl’s profile and happened to find a little rare picture of a hard copy of a picture of Cyr and Leda when their daughter was a child and they had taken her to Universal Studios. He squinted a little so that he could see her parents and upon recognizing the girl’s father, his cheeks flushed. “Oh my god...Phillip,” he gasped and quietly called for his husband, “Look at this! Look who her dad is!”

Phil looked on and raised his eyebrows at the man he hadn’t seen in years, next to a girl he equally hadn’t seen in a long time. The memories flooding back to their days at the Institute and few in the Youniversity and how their relationship- similar to their own- was akin to that of a firecracker. “Her mom is Leda Muir..And that’s-”

“Vincent Cyr- yes! I didn’t know they had a daughter! And that she’s...she’s..! Making out with Persephone?! I c-can’t! Babe, I’m literally done! Bring her home. Right now. Where is she?!” Dan fussed and shoved the phone back into Phil’s chest and he began to pace in the office.

“She’s in LA. It must be where she lives,” he explained calmly, setting the device down on his desk.

“Yo-you-you don’t think that-”

“I doubt it. There’s no way that she would have known who she was.”

“You hope,” Dan said, “How did she even get all the way to LA from here?”

“Persi is a resourceful and smart girl. I’m surprised she’s not alone. When I find her, she’s usually been by herself for a few days..She’ll be back. Especially if she took a trip,” Phil said before hearing their son come up to the door to the office and saw their son looking a little worse for wear. 

“Oh my god! Elliot, baby, what happened?! Come here,” Dan shrieked, running to embrace his son and gave him excessive love, only to be pushed back and Dan could feel tears forming.

“Otosan, I’m fine..really..Jareth and I-”

“Jareth had something to do with this? Did he hit you?! Oh, I knew I should have sent Harlan to go-”

“Otosaan! Stop! I’m fine. Harlan didn’t need to be there. We fought them off ourselves. They were these huge sophomores and they almost broke his camera, and I jumped two of them and then he helped me out...We took out 4 of them dad! I’m just like Persi!” the boy beamed as his fathers looked over his body, “We ended up rolling down the hill and...I got dirty, but I hope you don’t mind, I told Jareth he could clean up here..so..”

The men were so distraught to hear the words that came from his mouth. They looked at one another, sharing a soft chuckle at their fierce family. Phil pushed the boy’s hair back so he could check for anymore injury and seen all of the hickies on his skin, which he quickly let go of his hair and put a hand over his mouth and grabbing Dan, “You should call Sean or Charlie, let them know where their kid is,” he says to him, “Ellie, go ahead...is he staying for dinner?” When the boy nods, Dan gets up and returns to the kitchen to finish cooking.

“Awh, Otosan is cooking?!” Elliot whined, “Why didn’t you cook, Papa?!” 

“I was busy with locating your sister and meetings until the time for dinner, so I trusted Otosan with some fish and shrimp noodle dish. It cooks too fast so it’ll work with his short attention span. Now...I know he can be dramatic, but can I inquire about those blotches on your neck?” Elliot had gotten nervous, “Look, I don’t mind you growing up and dating, but I just need to know you’re safe, okay? I don’t need you growing up too fast...Now go on, tend to your guest..And also, for next time: Ice seals up those bursted capillaries faster and prevents blood from staying in the dermis.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ugh..I don’t think it’s working!” Isla whined, holding the paper towel full of ice to her neck while Persi hung out on the counter, who also was holding ice to her own body.

“You kinda have to freeze that part of your skin,” Persi said, patiently holding ice to her own neck, “Why are we doing this again? I don’t really think it’s all that necessary.”

“Because, I feel better and I’m ready to go home and I don’t wanna show up with hickies on my neck and an older girl that I found in the desert. My parents will flip. They’ll think I purposely left for two days to go and party and be gay I guess. I wanna make a good first impression,” Isla said.

“Isla, I think I’m the least of your worries. Your dad and my Dan used to fuck, so if they have to speak to each other after such a long time I think they’ll be more worried about that, or when they realize that my baby brother is definitely fucking that rugged bad boy loner he found in the woods.”

“Ew,” Isla said, dropping the cloth and playing with it, listening to the ice clack, “You have a point. I did this to show that I’m growing up, but I guess if I’m gonna go for it, I should commit.”

“Also, you’re an only child, it’s not like you can avoid it. I’m not an only child, so I can always point out what goes on with Ellie,” she mentioned, throwing her ice in the sink.

“You call your brother Ellie?”

“Short for Elliot, duh,” she looks at her sitting on the counter when Isla touches her arm.

“You’re so mean...” Isla cooed, trying to hide her smile.

“That doesn’t sound like you hate it,” she looked bit her lip and nudged closer, pulling her in for a kiss then pulled away quick, “But for real? Like real shit? Only I can call him that. He’s Elliot to you at all times. Got me?”

“Yeah, I gotchu, babe,” she nods.

“Good!”

------------------------------------------------

*phone rings*

“Babe answer it!” Phil exclaims from downstairs.

“Do I have to do it?”

“Yes! It might be our daughter and my hands are wet, just hurry up before it goes to voicemail!” 

“Fine!” Dan goes to the phone in the studio and picks up the phone, “Hello?”

“Daniel James Howell...As I live and fucking breathe,” Vincent laughed, sounding mature and relaxed with age, “Uhh, so your daughter brought my daughter to me and I just...wanted to thank you for raising her so well..She is so sweet and generous.”

“Are you...wait..Cyr, you talking about my daughter? Persephone?”

“That’s her whole name? She told me it was Persi. That’s a beautiful name-”

“Enough! Where are you? Where is she?!” Dan snapped, “Also my last name is Howell-Lester nowadays. I haven’t been just Howell in a while..”

“She’s with Leda and I at my place in the valley. Carmel Valley. I can have her send you the address. The girls wanted to hang out, so we all thought we can take the time and catch up,” Vincent said a soft wind blowing into his phone, “Uhh yeah I figured, but you’re still a howler nonetheless-”

“Cyr I’m fucking married!” he snapped.

“I’m kidding, kidding. You have a whole family and I just want to show you how our little girls are having so much fun together. They’re inseparable. So yes I called to invite you up here, but to also thank you because I haven’t seen my little angel this happy in years. She made a real friend in her-”

“Hmph don’t speak so soon, she’s a force. She’s only like that now from therapy and her father being here. I couldn’t raise her on my own if I tried,” Dan replied, leaning against the desk.

“Daniel, is it her?” Phil asked in the doorway, causing Dan’s body to heat up a little as though he had been engaging in something wrong, but they were just talking about being dads.

“Yeah, it’s the girl’s father. I’ll put it on speaker,” he moved the phone from his face and pressed the button, “Say hi, Cyr.”

“Cyr? As in, Vincent Cyr? I haven’t heard that name in ages, how you been, sir?” Phil asks.

“I’ve been well, I’ve been well. I was just thanking Dan here about your daughter bringing my Isla back in one piece and they’re really good friends. Like it’s like she brought back a different girl. She’s so happy and they get along so well!” Vincent said, blowing smoke from his cigarette, “Leda and I are inviting you down to our place to come and get her, but why don’t we all go out to lunch or something? My treat.”

“Oh that sounds amazing! I’d like that just tell Persi to send me the address and we’ll be out tute-suite!” Phil beamed, looking at Dan with a playful smirk, which caused him to smile more comfortably.

“Alright, we’ll see you then!” Vincent said before hanging up.

“Only you Daniel. Only our daughter would seek out a girl who just so happens to be the spawn of your old flame,” Phil teased.

“Shut the fuck up, Phillip! That was really fucked up for me~” Dan whined, “Like I’m actually, literally sweating all over the fucking place!”

“Ooh sexy,” Phil said, then heard the notification on his phone and looked at it, “Oh wow we gotta buy these tickets...Elliot!” He exclaimed walking out of the room, “Sweetie you wanna go to LA for a day? We gotta go get your sister!” 

-----------------------------------------------

Elliot was startled by his father’s raised voice and quirked an eyebrow, “Why is she in LA?”

Jareth looks over at him and shakes his head, pointing at his bed and Elliot gives him a look, “My sister would tear up a town if I went missing. I wanna see that she’s safe...” The other boy sighed and shrugged, gathering his bag and putting on his shirt slowly, wincing quietly, causing Elliot rushed to him and helped him put his shirt on but gave him very pleading eyes, trying to bring the other boy closer to him and he didn’t respond. He winced again when the boy was touched in an area where it hurt and he swiftly, yet gently, firmly grasped his boy and looked in his eyes, cupping his jaw. He laid a soft, long and deep kiss on his lips biting his lip a little as he pulled away as he struggled to get out the room through the window. 

“Elliot!” the voice came from behind him and caused him to whip around and he gasped, “Did you hear me?”

“Y-Yeah..LA..we leaving soon?” he asked, his body tingling at the boy’s kiss.

“Uh huh..Pack a bag for like a night just in case. You get to see who your parents grew up with.”

-----------------------------------------------

[dearmrsbitch]

June 24, 2019 - Kidnapped?

Q. Parental problems: My parents had an acrimonious divorce when I was a baby, and when I was 3 years old, my dad kidnapped me for a period of three months. I don’t remember any of it, or the immediate aftermath. Since then, my dad has been an incredibly loving and supportive parent to me. I’m 30 now and about to get married. My mom still hates my dad, and I don’t blame her for that, but she expects me to hate him too. My mom still brings up my kidnapping every chance she gets, even in front of friends of mine. How can I tell my mom I understand her feelings about my dad but ask her to stop taking them out on me? And how can I prepare for these two to be thrust back together for the first time in 27 years at my wedding?        

Dear Kidnapped,

Okay, so, let’s play a game.  You were kidnapped by a stranger instead, and you didn’t remember it, and you were okay, and you forgave your kidnapper.  Would you think your mom should forgive him too?  After he put her through 3 months of worry that she might never see her child again?  That he might rape or kill the child? 

Does it sound different?

Let me make you aware of some stats.  Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than anyone else.  Children are likely to be kidnapped by men during a divorce and killed.  That shit happens.  Turn on the tv and you’re going to find a story about a guy who killed his own kids to punish his wife for leaving him or prevent her from getting them in a custody situation because he didn’t want to pay child support, or kidnapped the kids to a foreign country. 

What do you think your father was thinking?  What was his plan?  Do you even think about that?  Was he thinking he was just going to go on the run with you for the rest of his life?  Was he going to take you out of the country to start a new life in Mexico? 

The fact that he was still allowed to be around you and see you as a child is a testament to how that whole MRA bullshit about men never winning in court when it comes to custody and visitation is complete crap.

Your mom went through a scenario that is PTSD inducing - you dumbass!  She probably has long term trauma and mental issues because her ex-husband took off with her baby and held the child for three months and there was a very real chance that he could have killed you - or may have even been intending too.  Yeah, sweetheart, think about that.  What if your dad’s plan was to kill you and then kill himself and then he changed his mind?  You don’t know what was going on in his head, and I know that now he’s sweet and nice and you have the warm fuzzies, but you also have the big ass benefit of not remembering what was going on at the time and getting to come out of it as only hearing the story and not having to relive it every time you see this man!

Even if all that was going on was that he simply panicked and took you to stay in a Motel 6 for 3 months while he calmed down - he STILL FUCKING KIDNAPPED YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A DIVORCE.  That is not okay, and you don’t get to forgive him for your mother.  She has a right not to see him and deal with him.

Fine, you can invite him to the wedding, but you need to set ground rules on him.  Stop bitching at your mom, she has all the trauma and she doesn’t need to be revictimized by a deluded child who can’t believe that “what daddy did wasn’t really that bad mommy,” because you don’t fucking know.  And he sure is hell isn’t telling, which is telling on it’s own.

He gets the rules.  He can come, but he needs to be seated as far from mom as possible.  He needs to not approach her, not talk to her, not ruin her enjoyment of the day.  He will still have fun on the opposite side of the aisle and across the hall at the reception. 

I mean, have you not figured out that your mom was hurt badly and is frustrated that no one is listening to her?  Why do you think she brings it up all the time?  You’re not processing what she’s laying down.  You are ignoring this woman’s pain in favor of a man’s comfort.  That is not acceptable - knock it the fuck off.

You can have your father there, but you need to stop treating your mom like the bad guy because she doesn’t want to be around the man who tormented her for three months by holding her baby hostage. 

If you don’t get it, I’ll send someone by to kidnap your first child when they’re young and hold them hostage and then I’ll let that person come back into your life all the time!  We’ll see how well you handle it.

Mrs. Bitch

[minetteskvareninova]

So logically speaking, after the end...

- Assuming my theory about Bran being the manipulator is wrong, I can’t see him doing anything after years of being completely passive. He doesn’t want anything, so logically speaking, he wouldn’t be interested in being a good king. He ends up as Tyrion’s personal Wikipedia, providing him with information, while his Hand makes decisions based on them. (Probably not good ones considering his track record in past few seasons.)

- When Sansa hears these two idiots are ruling Westeros, she goes south and seduces Tyrion. Because hey, she’s young, lonely and the only competent person around, besides Davos (and likes Tyrion A LOT if her talk with Daenerys is any indication). Well, hopefully. Otherwise the entire country is fucked.

- Bronn is VERY quickly arrested for corruption. I mean, The Three Eyed Raven sees all and shit, so as soon as Bronn tries anything, he is caught. He’s then kicked out of the council and replaced with someone more competent. He then proceeds to squander what was left of the Tyrell properties and dies very soon of a STD. The Reach is given, again, after an extensive background check of all the minor lords from the region, to someone who is very good with finances. Hopefully.

- Since Dadvos isn’t there to help Gendry rule, he becomes a puppet of all the minor lords from the Stormlands. Alone and left to fend for himself in a possition he never wanted and isn’t even remotely qualified, he either starts to drink heavily and lets Stormlands to fall into ruin, or finds some sort of “friend” who deals with this ruling nonsense for him. If he’s lucky, his right hand man/woman is someone competent who maybe even leads him to become more self-reliant, confident and get a proper education - what I call lady Sarah scenario. If not... Well, his favourite is an unscrupulous, manipulative person who only cares for his/her own self-interest - and that, my friends, would be the Abigail scenario.

- Arya runs out of money very quickly and is stuck on the Lonely Light, westernmost settled island of Westeros, which belongs to Iron Islands. After a lot of struggle and surviving against incredible odds (because she’s Arya fucking Stark, yo), she gets to meet Yara Greyjoy and the two become friends, maybe something more... Arya eventually arrives at Winterfell and asks her sister for further funding of her expedition, which Sansa refuses, because, well, they barely have enough money for usual government spending and keeping a royal household (although it isn’t that big or lavish) - and besides, she missed her sister and doesn’t want to lose her again. Arya quickly gets bored and Sansa discovers she has too much issues to lead a normal, mundane life without the constant threat of death. Sansa tries to keep Arya’s self-destructive tendencies at bay and even contacts Gendry, her old flame, for this purpose, but I can’t predict whether this would work and what will happen if it doesn’t...

- Jon joining the Night’s Watch was a fucking lie. There’s no Night’s Watch anymore. Instead, there is a penal collony created far north, but Jon isn’t even a prisoner here now that all of the people who could threaten his life for killing Daenerys are gone. He becomes one of the Wildlings and either Tormund’s boyfriend, or he finds a girl and has children with her. (I can’t decide; Jon and Tormund are the OTP, but Jon as a daddy was foreshadowed and shit.) Eventually, he is found by Bran’s enemies and practically kidnapped for the purposes of the rebellion. Because I refuse so admit Bran would have no enemies whatsoever and everyone would just forget about Jon “Aegon Targaryen”. What would happen then I, however, don’t know

- Drogon eventually returns, with a mate (I’ve heard there are wild dragons out there somewhere?), many children and plans for revenge. Wild dragons become the bane of everyone’s existence, as they kill Jon (if he is indeed alive by then) and slaughter the livestock as well as people for sustainance. Can Bran even warg into all of them? Is there any other way to get rid of them? What is the future of the dragons? Who the fuck knows?

- Dothraki and The Unsullied can’t stay on Naath because of the butterfly plague thingy (every foreigner who stays there more than a few hours dies of a mysterious dissease that has something to do with the butterflyes, that’s why slavers usually attack Naath at night - because butterflyes sleep). They try to settle on Summer Islands, but locals don’t like them there and in the end, they become the first people on Sothyros. Because if these hardcore guys don’t survive there, noone would. Like sure, it’s one of the most dangerous places ever, and no person so far has survived there for long but to Dothraki, that sounds more like a challenge.

Bittersweet ending, yo.

[islandhaunted-a]

aiight fam! there’s been a massive bio update to accommodate exactly how my version of oliver is canon-divergent. i generally follow the plot of canon. i’m going to give you some highlights of things to know, but the full bio is under the cut and also added to the ‘about’ tab on my theme, which has updated relationships as well. so: sparknotes version, which now that i’m looking at it still looks like a Lot lmao:

thea has a twin sister named jessica ( as portrayed by @ownhcros ). this is always part of my canon from here on out unless writing with a character related to the queens with a mun who isn’t comfortable with this. however, i will always default to jessica existing, so if you are writing a character who would be affected by this, let me know in advance if you’re uncomfortable! i will not seek out people individually to ask for their permission. this is part of my portrayal of oliver.

oliver’s canon timeline remains mostly unchanged prior to his time in the bratva. however, while in russia, he met petra solano ( as portrayed by @petrasplaining​ ), with whom he eventually develops a long, serious relationship. they part ways in russia and he continues to star city, where he becomes the hood. season one canon is mainly untouched. in season 2, however, things begin to change. he still would have slept with isabel and sara during the season, although he would not have kissed felicity / become involved with her at all. ( this means from here on out, unless plotted or discussed, i will not acknowledge any past relationship between oliver and felicity. )

during the hiatus between seasons 3 & 4, rather than parading around the world with felicity, oliver was settling down in miami, staying with petra at the marbella. he still would have been brought back by his sisters & laurel, and from there, once again, the season remains fairly intact, although obviously without all of the ol.icity stuff. season 5 is fabulous as it is. although oliver would not have dated susan williams — they just would have gotten close as friends tbh. like ?? a night out to dinner and he talks about his girlfriend in miami and susan totally supports that & him and they’re bffs bc i love her and i will fight anyone for her.

season 6 ?? i obviously can’t speak to about the season as a whole. i’ve only caught like a third of the episodes thus far, tbh, although once again the ol.icity stuff is not present on this blog. oliver doesn’t make a big huge public deal abt his relationship w/ petra, but he is with her. she and william have met and are working on their relationship. petra was oliver’s date to barry’s wedding.  

born to robert and moira queen, for the first ten years of his life, oliver was an only child. parents rich entrepreneurs, he was spoiled and received everything he wanted. at the age of ten, he was given a gift he never asked for, but needed nonetheless: born unto his parents were twins thea and jessica queen. though he saw less and less of his parents and the change was difficult, he loved his sisters with his whole heart. growing up, oliver became fiercely protective of his sisters, but that didn’t stop him from ruining his teen years with binge drinking, experimental drugs, and sex.

despite entering a seemingly committed relationship with laurel lance, daughter of a detective, oliver continued sleeping around. he impregnated a woman named samantha clayton and even became involved with laurel’s sister, sara. when laurel brought up the idea of them moving in together, oliver freaked out and decided to go on a three week trip with his father on their boat. however, he invited sara to come along with them. the gambit crashed in the north china sea and oliver was forced to watch his father die before he luckily washed up on the shores of an island.

that, oliver quickly discovered, was where his good luck ended and the worst luck of his life began. the island he found himself on was called lian yu and it was purgatory in many ways. starving, he was taken care of by a man named yao fei, only to be captured and tortured by edward fyers for information oliver refused to give. this led to a companionship between oliver and yao fei, as well as eventually a friendship with slade wilson and yao fei’s daughter — shado. after dealing with fyers, the island presented the group with a new threat.

anthony ivo, captain of the amazo, came to the island in search of a miracle drug left behind by a vessel from world war ii. the search for mirakuru resulted in shado’s death and, fueled by the mirakuru, an angry slade wilson took it upon himself to get revenge on oliver. though oliver wanted to go home, he was picked up by argus and shipped to hong kong to work a mission for them. there, he was unable to stop the exposure of the alpha-omega virus and was forced to carry the guilt of a young boy’s death.

still hoping to go home, he was frustrated by amanda waller’s manipulation of him into a new mission back on lian yu. infiltrating shadowspire, he managed to take down reiter & his men from the inside at the expense of his new friend taiana’s life. following the mission, he traveled to russia to find her mother. old friend anatoly took him in and helped him become bratva in order to take down a man named konstantin kovar. 

the initiation process took time and led to a lot of blood, sweat, and tears on oliver’s part. during any time he spent not training or actively fighting, he and anatoly could often be found together in a bar. there, he met natalia. though at first he anticipated their meeting being inconsequential, she found out he was the hood. and that he was killing for the bratva. still, he finished his mission, leaving her alive because she posed no genuine threat to him. from there, oliver went back to lian yu where he was picked up by a fishing vessel and finally brought home.

reunited with his mother and sisters, oliver struggled to adapt to the life he once lived and often disappeared to be on his own. following being kidnapped, oliver became a vigilante arbitrarily given the title the hood. bodyguard john diggle & it expert felicity smoak were eventually recruited to work with him. when he was unable to stop the undertaking, he spent a few months back on lian yu, only dragged back home by the very two partners he chose.

while taking care of queen consolidated, oliver ran into a businesswoman from miami. petra solano. once known as natalia, he remembered her instantly and he didn’t need to tell her that he was starling city’s vigilante. familiar with his time in the bratva, she would have already known. the two worked past the initial awkwardness and became friends. not too long after, petra became temporarily radio silent, though oliver was far too busy dealing with mirakuru soliders to give it much thought. however, when he discovered her silence was not by choice of her own but instead because — in a telenovela twist — she was petrified by her twin sister, anezka, who took over as petra for a little while... at least he had one friend who had drama that wasn’t his fault.

still, after the fiasco with anezka, oliver made it a point to take care of petra and keep a closer eye on her, even from across the country. the two steadily grew closer and oliver made it out to miami to see her at every opportunity. unfortunately for them, after the siege, starling city was a wreck. queen consolidated was bought by ray palmer. oliver lost his job. his home. his money. outside of the island, it was the hardest he ever had to work to keep himself afloat. oliver became the target of the league of assassins after he assumed responsibility for sara lance’s death — to cover up the fact that malcolm merlyn, via oliver’s sister thea, killed sara.

a duel with ra’s al ghul himself led to oliver’s apparent death and month-long disappearance. when he came back, barely intact, everything was just how he left it: nine shades of shit. plotting quietly with malcolm, oliver left to join the league of assassins. one pit stop before nanda parbat: miami. there, he spent one more afternoon with petra. prior to leaving, he kissed her. said he loved her. said goodbye. his death was always part of the plan and he couldn’t leave her without the closure he hoped their encounter would provide. 

so he left for the league. his plan fell through and he was forced to fight the league in his own city. killing ra’s nearly killed oliver and had he not been wearing league armor, he surely would have died, just like the arrow. roy harper, a member of team arrow, took the fall and faked his own death to spare oliver an arrest. he no longer needed to be a vigilante and he had no company to run, so oliver did the next most logical thing he could think of: he left his home and moved into the marbella, where he stayed with petra and helped her take care of her daughters, anna and elsa. 

rumors spread around the hotel about the nature of his relationship with petra. though they never talked about being together romantically, he was well aware that’s exactly what they appeared to be. they lived together, raised her kids together, and they weren’t afraid to kiss. to exchange ‘i love you’s. though only a few months, oliver loved each and every one of them. unfortunately, his sisters and laurel showed up and asked for his help fighting the ghosts — a group of men terrorizing star city. 

oliver reluctantly decided to stay in the city and became the green arrow, though he swore he would still be able to take care of petra, even with his focus now on his city. she supported him always and helped inspire him to run for mayor. though initially he withdrew from consideration and technically didn’t win the election, the death of ruvé adams left him to run his city. by now, his relationship with petra was solid. not necessarily defined by words, but it was. neither of them needed to speak it into existence; they just knew. and he was happy. though he kept the secret of his son until everything happened with darhk, petra stood by his side and he loved her all the more for it.

becoming mayor certainly didn’t make his life easier. prometheus proved problematic and he needed petra to be his rock like always. adjusting to his new life — laurel gone, him in office, team practically nonexistent, he was busier than he’d been in years. wearing thin. constantly tired. with felicity’s help, he tracked down a new team and trained them to function in a workable way. with their help, he took on prometheus, though not without a few bumps in the road. prometheus turned out to be his district attorney, adrian chase. chase kidnapped everyone oliver loved that he was able to his hands on — including samantha clayton and her son william. william, who happened to be oliver’s son as well.

all of the hostages taken to lian yu, oliver was eventually forced to watch the island explode. samantha’s life was taken and oliver found himself having to provide for his son in a way he’d never known before. connecting had been difficult, but with help and dedication, they managed to find a solid ground. oliver stepped down as the green arrow to take care of his son, though he is once again donning the hood until john diggle is healthy enough to accept the mantle.

oliver attended the wedding of his friend barry allen with petra as his plus one. luckily, she wasn’t harmed when the chapel was stormed by criminals and she understood why he had to go fight and protect the people they both cared about.

[neuropathicgypsy]

I'm only going to say this once and without detail because for one it's no one's business

For two Matt Hagan used those bruises and those video tapes that were stolen to ruin my life

He showed everyone including Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, the military security we had on base, the Chaplin, the commander, my supposed parents and more. "Who is this mysterious mustached man? Hes too old" when bull shit Matt Hagan knew exactly who he was.

And he only knew where I lived because he said he had to talk to Mark Anthony about the human trafficking and then he always ledt 10 minutes before Mark Anthony got there

Then Jesse did that shit to Mark Anthony wanting to talk to me and always left before i got there, sometimes I'd see him walking down my hall, even exiting the apartment once.

Then one time the night the cam was stolen Matt had pinned me against the apartment building and was Al demanding to me about whatever and all tried kissing me which made me shove him and run while him and Jesse laughed all loudly behind me. Which is traumatizing and I didn't leave the apartment for two weeks and didn't leave alone for over a month.

Because the police came and I went to find Mark alone. To warn him they were looking to arrest him for rape. Had they not laughed it wouldn't had bothered me. But their laughter was sick and disgusting.

So you ask me who should went and had the police after themselves.

Certainly not Mark. Who was a child although older than me.

.

The bruises did not hurt.

Yes Mark Anthony did give them to me. When he did grab my leg yes it pinched and yes it was mean but we either laughed about it or i would hit him and tell him not to pinch my leg

At that time i recall getting the bruises they did not hurt when i got them nor any time after.

All the time i have bruises and Idk where they came from and they don't hurt

2 weeks ago i had 3 fairly large bruises on my calf and Idk how i got them. And they didn't hurt.

I bruise easily without pain on my legs

But my arms have more pain and less bruising.

That is the way my body is. So yes there's dark finger mark bruises because he held his fingers there a long time. But i didnt feel any pain and i knew his hand was there. I knew he was squeezing my thigh.

I didn't stop him nor did i want to.

And that is all I have to say. And believe me, I didn't know how to explain it then.

Jane and Lily were all freaked out and so i didn't knpw how to explain it and they were trying to counsel me on abusive relationships so i had to climb on top of her to show them how i got them and Jane laughed at me.

Because we rarely had sex in front of the nanny cam.

That night we were going out and he came home early and I was smoking and watching the tv and browsing the news papers.

Yes i started smoking at like 2. Whatever. Who cares.

Plus if i was smoking it meant i could escape the human traffic factories easier because I had cigarettes and we would pretend we were lost just looking for a place.... We did a lot of reconnaissance. Incognito and did a lot of things to protect ourselves to be able to escape.

So I don't care about opinions or facts people have to judge my life.

I try to save people everyday and it means sometimes I have to murder kidnappers or smoke before I'm age 5.

So no one has a right to negatively judge me nor Mark Anthony. And what we did.

Unless you were in that exact same situation which none of you were because i was. Me not anyone else.

So I don't give a shit what anyone wants to say

I was a beautiful child with a beautiful body. And I obviously knew what pleased me and didn't.

No one has a right to judge that

I'm only writing because several people have expressed Concern about how I did get them

I would too if I saw them on a girl or a guy.

.....

I rarely do judge people. I do warn people that other people are dangerous to them.

And i do judge situations and experiences.

And i call people names but so what they aren't meant to do any thing but express my emotions and opinions about a person.

Like i said that girl calling on the daycare was a lazy bitch. That was my opinion. Fact is im a single mom too and i had to put my kid in day care before too and my kid was kidnapped from day care.

So a note to remind about diapers on the tummy isn't a big deal. If it were my daughter in a dress I would be concerned how and where people wrote on my daughter. And probably its better to write it on the arm.

But I didn't judge the girl. I judged the situation.

So as i said you could judge my situation but unless yoh were there you dont have the ability because what i did was rare

Very few people went into human traffic facilities in order to free people especially starting at age 2. Saint Luches started at 3. And hes a boy. And he was 2x my height.

And So our bodies matured faster. I was the only 2nd grader with books at school. And i was thin as you all seen.

With a mustache 10 year old Mark Anthony could drive. But he couldn't attend school at his age grade level.

So don't fucking judge us negatively

Be proud we adored each other and had proper sexual engagement. That is what the world can do for us.

And again the bruises didn't hurt.

And I'm upset and pissed off at what Matt did 30 years ago.

I don't care that people see me being me with a grown ass boy that loves me. I don't care at all.

Because there is nothing anyone can do to us.

Not now. They already did their worst to us.

I am proud of who I am and the fact that I enjoy sex with another person whom gives consent to sexual activity.

But the fact is that it is child pornography.

And I bruise easily and I was in harm from Mark Anthony. Ever. He always protected me.

When we weren't in groups. He left me a note when and where he would be. So if he was late i knew where to look for him. Because he would go in the boys only side.

And i was to call Ivana or The Orginal and Real Uncle Donald to have a car take me. Because a few times I would just go look and get a feeling and follow it and not even look for him.... Because i would always think "what is the most dangerous place?" And i would find it. So i had to take a car... Cause i got beat up on... On my face and poor Jesse didn't like the strangulation marks my scarf left him. He should never touched me nor taunted me.

And so we had a whole system. And when I saw Jesse leave my apartment, I told Mark that he was the one i saw in the park and gave the black eye to. That's why they went in and stole the camera. Matt and him. Jesse saw him with me once or twice and got him to do this and that. So that's the story they said. But they were living together and Jesse told him to go get the hook up on me unbeknownst to anyone sane.

When i went in the girls only side he waited in a truck in the street. To make sure i was okay.

That night they assaulted, me i had walked down to pick up Thai food while Mark Anthony was asleep. Cause we would eat it for two days and it only cost us $20 for 4 meals with soup and egg rolls. And we would get it when we had to shop or just shopped and wanted to rest after a long week

We usually ate it on weekends but that was a Wednesday and he had skipped work because of a chest cold.

Because getting the kidnapped people sick wasn't good because it could leak us or it would cause them to simply suffer more if they got sick.

So it would set us back and the people from the Thai restaurant would have to go in when they had news of family and the ability to relocate and they would sneak in to deliver food.

I never liked to eat at the restaurants because the workers there didn't eat and the girls i wanted them to know They were off work and would be. So simply a gesture of not eating to me meant the world would go without so they could be free.

Mark Anthony would eat to show the boys they were one and the same. He was free and they would be and should be like him.

But I always felt it distracted and weighed me down and i have an allergy to MSG. So id make a sandwich at home before i left. Id have a snack or bite or two if one of the girls asked.

One girl was Jewish and was worried about Nazi and being poisoned so she would usually give me a few bites of food to show her it was safe. Almost always. Or she would wait 20 minutes to see how the others reacted.

This is a different restaurant than i mentioned before. And different girls.

And so not eating gave me a way to watch the street if i felt unsafe or to watch the girls to get to know them individually.

Watch them laugh and talk and see how their cultures were different. I could tell how long a girl had been free before she wad kidnapped by her attitude and her voluminous self.

But not always. Some of the loudest had been in their whole lives and were happiest. Those always stayed. They didn't know how to get home.

But they always tried to get to the littlest right away to find out where their homes were so they could go home right away.

"We can get you home fastest" they would always say.

So I've had a very proud life. I'm not arrogant about it. I barely remember it. We did what we had to do to stop greed and abuse.

We returned them all. Clones. Humans. Aliens. It didn't matter. We trusted them and sent them home.

We were very young and naïve. That doesn't take from what we did. We did the best we could

So now we have learned in our years and it's a different kind of WWIII. As i said it's as good as over. But we still need to finish and we will.

All these wars, they have all been about the same, human trafficking but it was always covered

England told the Chinese to tell the Japanese the USA stole their people to be slaves. When it was England. Unknown to any, we had our own country enslaved.

So this is the first where it's been out in the open.

And we planned and planned and planned before returning to Earth, Mark Anthony and I.

So while y'all may think oh you were all young and shouldn't been having sex.

That isn't the case. Aliens should not be on our planet lying and trying to destroy us.

For more than 5 years Matt Hagan has been directly in my way. Since 2015.

Not until my daughter's intuition to change her 16th. Birthday celebration and i finally see Saint Luches again did anything fluid come back to me.

September 15 2019

And in that short amount of time we've been able to rescue about a Trillion people.

So make sure when you're pointing fingers you point the correct ones in the correct direction.

The nanny cam was, yes in front of the chair. What you can't see is the front door behind Marks big head.

You also don't see when Some one would open the door we would both slide to the floor.

Even if we were expecting someone with a key.

The Thai restaurant had a spare and Uncle Donald or Ivana had the other

My Uncle Dad knew where i was at all times had a list of apartments at his desk at work where it was safe. The apartment was closest to the bunker and restaurant just like when i would stay with Jane. Although Jane's was much closer, hers was between the restaurant and the bunker

Whilst this apartment was the apartment then the restaurant then the bunker when going North from the apartment. So it was a lonlier walk than at Jane's and how Jane and Lily could So easily insert themselves into my operation.

Because in the beginning I did walk. And it would be cold and stark. With them i felt warmth and comfort and happiness, excitement. Walking home... The sidewalk was cement like their walls, their homes they never wanted nor asked for. The buildings empty and dark.

The lights from the Thai restaurant would lighten my load and so when i got home, i was happy to be there and less sad about the girls i left behind.

The Thai restaurant's lights spilling onto the sidewalk as i huddled myself home were a beacon of hope always shining bright.

Like a lighthouse in the storm of my mind.

So none of you know what Matt Hagan did And he's all telling his group chat and asking for advise.

There is none. He set us back 30 years and started human trafficking himself.

There's nothing he can do.

There's no way i can stop him from spreading child pornography. But at least its mine and not some child being raped by an unknown man. Or some one that parades around in the sunlight as a doting father to the little girl he touched and tormented behind closed doors.

So people wanted to know what gave me the bruises. It wasn't a monster.

The monster tells a sob story once he gets caught and acts like he wants to fix it.

When really he destroyed it and he's discreetly bragging about it. And neglected to mention he himself killed the head chef and best detective at the Thai restaurant in 1997.

I know you'll never actually understand how meaningful it is to be able to be the one to help people be set free. How destructive it is to a persons soul and heart until you do it yourself.

Until you eat bites of food for a Jewish girl who is scared of Nazi ... How honoring it is to be that person that is that trusted by extreme. While girls tease her down the row about dying of the food they ate. And i tell them "eat some of hers, it's good. You must be a bad person to get the poison"

Then the girls changing and trusting and loving each other more. They all ordered different food each night and eventually the girl who teased and was a forever stay moved herself and her food down and shared off the plates with the Jewish girl. Even ordered less beef and more shrimp because the Jewish girl told the forever girl, "well if you are going to stay longest you'll eat the most and you should eat most of what you like best"

I watched the world change and get better for the most pained people, children really.

And Matt Hagan purposely destroyed it more than once over and over.

So if you run across the pornography of my childhood, dont be ashamed of it.

Watch it. See my face. See his. The desire we have for each other. See how in love we are.

And know i will remove every fucking alien from this planet and prevent any from coming in again and never will we have dead or human trafficking again for eternity.

We came back because of WWII and how Germany was acting. Killing all our humans just as they did in Africa.

Look it up. There's not a lot of Africans in the world. Once ago we all African. Every single one of us.

An Egyptian now isn't black. They're tan.

Mark Anthony was black as night. I was lighter skinned but still African.

Obviously now you can see I am stark white and still lighter than Mark Anthony.

At one time our skin was pink another time blue. So it has changed.

The whiter is the most fed up. We don't even want to resemble something on the planet. What is white? Clouds and some flowers.

No dirt is white unless it's infested with salt.

Im done. I'm all fuck you die on a second chance im not even gonna play. Some one goes near that car i got a guy burning alive in. It's gonna have an explosion to let you know to back the fuck up.

Mark Anthony will draw a line of fire that ends where it started -- a circle.. To protect his dying from being interrupted and to stop anyone from trying to interrupt.

But if you notice. Its a circle that ends where it started. Which means the world will return to its intended ways.

Me? Im all get the fuck out the way you see it? Hear it! Make sure you'll see it.

My shit is loud. But in that video posted tonight. You heard all the sounds i made. The sounds He made certain areas make you didn't. But my sex is quiet.

Which is why y'all don't get details. And if you notice, I do talk frequently about sex but i don't talk about what happens during it.

Because i can't explain it. Sex with the right person is something that is unexplainable.

It can be mimicked with anyone but its usually for a short time

But real authentic great sex with your soulmate is unexplainable with words. So I don't bother.

So. Running across my childhood pornography is a rare event.

It's not that i prefer people to see it. But since it has been posted... Don't be ashamed of me.

Don't be ashamed of you for really looking at It in depth and not feeling sexual about it. Or feeling a sleeping part of your sexuality you thought was dead.

I haven't been advocating soulmate matches constantly because I don't know what the Hell im talking about.

So when you watch it know those two people know what the Hell they are talking about. Just as I said about William and Kate.

They know, too.

So I'm not at all shamed. I'm proud of myself just as I am about William and Kate being together.

So in a way i most definitely deserve this video tonight for pointing them out.

But no one on this planet deserved what happened 30 year ago.

It's part of why Mark and i are not together now and why it took me seeing Saint Luches at a Knight event at a Renaissance Faire completely on accident.

And to look at a Disney Princess Fairytale when the Princess is hidden away until her 16th Birthday like Sleeping Beauty perhaps...

The monsters did get unleashed. But this time. They will die. Just like any real Fairytale.

Unlike Disney, my Princess is safe and will always be.

Unlike Disney it wasn't one girl the people feared for.

Its the whole world

My daughter was born on the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's "i have a dream" speech. And we celebrated her 16th Birthday late.

Where I once again saw Saint Luches the boy that allowed me at 2 years old to find my way through Iraq, Afghanistan, Isreal, create Al Qeada, ISIS and give Abu a name of honor.

And so Martin Luther King Jr. Sir. Your dream will be achieved.

Thanks to one little 16 year old child.

And had Matt Hagan not killed and eaten 14 of Declans soulmates we made from dirt like how the people were initially created

And i hadn't given birth to that little Annabelle for Declan. Then likely it would not happened the way it occurred.

So if you hadn't recognized a miracle before. You should now.

Regardless of what happens between now and then, as I promised Matt Hagan in Dunedin Florida when he paraded around as Dallas Frazier, "you will not get in my way"

And in 2002 when he tried to impregnate me with his semen, "you will not defeat me"

A long the way he's beaten me.

But no more.

I'm very proud of the world for fighting and standing together and surviving this traumatic lifetime we are living.

Its been A lot worse. And we are gonna make it better

That is why i am white as a cloud. Cause I will fucking kill from the Heavens if anyone succeeds in ending my life. I swear to you now and forever that i will.

Oh I also wanted to say I was pleased how Tumblr dash of the few I follow looked happier today.

Friday will be rough.

Sunday is super bowl. So keep in mind this will be the last time we watch commercials of products made by human traffic victims.

As long as we stick together and stick to the fight and resolve to remove people from those types of facilities

And we all are.

Next year super bowl will be less morose.

So, let's go 49ers!

I'm feeling Kansas (Wizard of Oz) everyday. I think we all need a break ;)

Ok ok i have a Kansas City Chiefs blanket at home cause it was on sale... And I've always liked the 49ers cause their name. And their helmet style.

So I'm impartial, really. And if i think too hard I'm gonna be all let's go WiZard of Oz!!!

So I'll remain impartial but I got a feeling on Kansas.

So let's go 49ers! Lets go!

;))

So Saturday just kick it on some downtime. Listen to music. Im sure allot of cleaning for the Sunday will occur so crank up the stereo, open the Windows and let some fresh in. Not all the Windows and not if the weather is too cold of course but let some fresh in.

We all need some fresh air.

Love y'all. Don't forget. We can't save the world if we don't love us.

💞💞💞💞💞💞💋

[titfest]

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring

My little present for @maystardust for the @hqrarepairexchange that I was a part of.

I chose to do Ushitsuki because there isn’t enough of them in the world. I know this is also posted on AO3 but thought I’d also post it here. So here you go, again. 

ao3

Tsukishima doesn’t remember when their relationship developed into something out of a romance-comedy movie where 90% of the people who watch it cry really ugly, (since Yamaguchi was the one crying really ugly when he told him) but here he was now, looking at apartments with Ushijima and arguing whether they wanted a bigger living room or kitchen. If he thought back to maybe five or ten years ago he would have never seen himself here today. He can’t quite pinpoint the moment when he started feeling butterflies in his stomach and feeling his throat constrict every time he saw that familiar face, but maybe, just maybe it can all be narrowed down to that one day in the rain.

He was still just a first year in Karasuno. Still with a tall body that even he sometimes could not comprehend when his long limbs would do the opposite of what he wanted. He was still tuning out the world with his large earphones and blasting whatever punk rock band he came upon the night previous. The team was still practicing for Nationals, and the idiot duo were squabbling back and forth like always.

It was still a typical period for Tsukishima and the only thing that ever seemed out of place was when his big brother would start barging into his room instead of knocking like he used to. Of course he had nothing to hide, but it was never fun when he barged in while Tsukishima was working on his “toys” as his brother called them (they were actually high-rated godzilla figures mind him).

But nothing out of the ordinary. That is, until he was sent out on a rainy Sunday to pick up some supplies for his mom. The store was actually in the next town over because only there could his mom acquire the best supplies. It was just any random sewing supply shop but even his mom was picky about what she needed.

He had to take the loud and noisy train, only having on some shorts and throwing on his Karasuno jacket as he ran out the door to avoid his brother asking if he could come along. By then the sky had begun to darken, but Tsukishima assumed that he’d had enough time to at least make it back to their town before the downpour began.

Oh how wrong he was.

Once he paid for his mom’s items and stepped out of the store the rain cascaded over the whole city like a waterfall. He couldn’t even put his shoe out into the open sky without having them wet to the brim. Great. Looked like he’ll have to wait the rain out for god knows how long. He could just buy an umbrella from a shop but having never been in this town he didn’t even know what was left and right.

He scowled and looked ready to kill someone by now. Maybe some sort of angel would swoop in and save him.

“Tsukishima Kei.”

While trying to look for the nearest station or restaurant near him, Tsukishima didn’t notice the figure that appeared before him. Whipping his head up his eyes came in contact with the very Ushijima Wakatoshi from Shiratorizawa. He stands in front of him, out in the pouring rain with a black umbrella in his hand. They simply stare at each other for seconds until Tsukishima makes an annoyed face and Ushijima speaks up.

“What are you doing here?”

“What?” Now that he thought about it, he did see a sign pointing towards some high school when he exited the station. It seems like he somehow ended up around Shiratorizawa’s area, and somehow had the honor of meeting the very ace of Shiratorizawa himself.

Great.

Scoffing, Tsukishima aims his eyes somewhere else and tries to make the most displeased look over. “Nothing that you should know.”

Ushijima hums and continue to stare at him. With each second that passed Tsukishima’s scowl only got worse, and he was so close to bursting and asking Ushijima what the hell he wanted.

“What the-”

“Do you not have an umbrella?”

“Huh?”

Looking at Ushijima in disbelief, Shiratorizawa’s ace simply moved closer to Tsukishima and moved the umbrella over so that he wasn’t standing right in the middle of it. “I can take you to wherever you need to go.”

Tsukishima swore his heart didn’t skip a beat. “And why would you help me? Thinking you can ruin Karasuno’s chances at Nationals if you kidnap one of their blockers?” he spoke with a condescending tone. Yamaguchi used to say that he would always revert to his sadistic self when he wanted to hide his emotions, but just thinking about that now only pissed him off even more.

Ushijima simply frowns. “No, what reason would I have to do that? Your team has defeated me. I have no reason to exact revenge in any way.”

The rain pours down over them, louder and heavier. Even though all noises seemed drowned out around him, Tsukishima swears he can hear both his and Ushijima’s breathing.

It’s nerving.

“Fine.” Holding the plastic bag close to his body, Tsukishima steps forward and gets under the umbrella. As big as it looked, both of them were tall and large high school volleyball players so it barely did anything but push them further in to avoid the rain.

Tsukishima could feel the heat radiating off of Ushijima. He could hear his breath and every movement he made when turning from one corner to the next. Tsukishima opted to just stare at his shoes and think about stuff he hated so that his thoughts wouldn’t weave their way into something he would regret.

Hinata and Kageyama being idiots. Yamaguchi saying his stupid nickname. His brother barging into his room and making himself comfortable on his bed. The game against Shiratorizawa. The ace of Shiratorizawa. Ushijima Wakatoshi. His incredible strength and power. The way he just slams the ball down in front of them with the eyes of a beast.

Shit. This is not where his thoughts were supposed to go.

The game against Shiratorizawa was a long and grueling one. He hurt his fingers and had to handle one of the strongest spikes in the country. It was a hard battle but thankfully Karasuno came out victorious. That was the first time Tsukishima ever felt the adrenaline pumping through his veins. Dopamine filling his body with his mind only craving more and more. The satisfaction he felt when stopping a block and watching as the beast on the other side of the court get pumped up with each turn.

It was exhilarating, mystifying, and heart-pumping that left him craving for more. Craving for that beast on the other side of the net.

He groans. Freaking rampant thoughts. This is not what he wanted to be thinking about when sharing an umbrella with the very ace of Shiratorizawa who they defeated. Freaking embarrassing.

“Where do you need to go?”

“Huh?” He was too preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn’t notice that they stopped walking and stood near the edge of the road.

“Where is it that you need to go?” he asks again, head tilted to look him in the eyes.

“Just the station.”

“Okay.”

They walk again, Tsukishima keeping pace with Ushijima who leads them around the city.

As they walk and turn around a wide corner, Tsukishima suddenly sees his world turn sideways. He accidentally stepped into a pit hole and twisted his leg causing him to start falling. He closes his eyes and waits for the impact but after a few seconds of waiting he notices that he isn’t writhing in pain from smashing his head against the pavement. Opening his eyes he flinches when a raindrop falls over his face followed by several more. He adjust the level of his head and immediately comes face to face with Ushijima.

“Are you okay?” he asks, dace dangerously close to Tsukishima’s and umbrella thrown to the side.

Tsukishima can already hear Yamaguchi snickering from the other side of town. They were currently in what can only be described as the typical romance -comedy dip that always happens when the male and female lead start developing feelings for each other. Tsukishima had the bag of sewing supplies held closely to his chest with his body dipped backwards and Ushijima’s hands on his lower back and the other holding one of his forearms. He too was slightly leaning forward to have been able to reach Tsukishima in time.

He waits for an answer while Tsukishima ponders if he can just get sucked into a hole and sent to the center of the earth. He’s seen that conspiracy before about dinosaurs in the center of the earth, it doesn’t seem like a bad place to spend the rest of his life in.

Pushing back any weird thoughts, Tsukishima looks down at the abandoned umbrella next to them on the sidewalk and speaks. “You know we’re going to be drenched now because you let go of the umbrella.”

Ushijima nods but continues to stare at him.

“Hey, are you listening? Get the umbrella before we get even more we-”

“That game with Karasuno,” Ushijima starts. “Never in my life have I ever felt like I was going to lose. We were always at the top, so just knowing that a fallen team like Karasuno had defeated us sent chills down my spine.”

Tsukishima doesn’t know to respond. He can only stare into Ushijima’s eyes and stare into his dark olive eyes.

“It was exhilarating, mystifying, blood-pumping and full of adrenaline.”

“Oh.”

“Not just the game, but you as well.”

Tsukishima doesn’t answer but let’s things take their course for once. It seems too troublesome to try and think about things properly so he’ll deal with any consequences later.

After what seemed like a confession, they made their way towards the station and quickly dried themselves before Tsukishima had to leave for the next train back home. They departed with only a goodbye and prolonged staring until Tsukishima boarded the train and was on his way.

On his walk back home he couldn’t help but think about what Ushijima said about him. How he was exhilarating, mystifying, just blood-pumping. He shivers.

As soon as he gets home discards all of his clothes, ignores his brother like always and jumps into the bath. He sits there for what seems like forever and contemplates. Maybe he should have given him a kiss before leaving the station. That would have totally fit the role of romcom movie.

“Definitely next time, definitely.”

[cutiesaeran]

A Day to Be Reckless

Based off the first bad end, featuring trans M!MC.

Word count: 1937

Pairing: Unknown/MC

Rating: T for some “strong language”

I’m not sure what drove me to download the mysterious app that popped up as ‘recommended for you’ on fakebook. I don’t usually make sure impulsive decisions, especially not ones that could be potentially dangerous. After all, it could’ve been anything from the simple messaging app it claimed to be up to a way for some creep to track me and possibly kidnap me. For whatever reason, I tapped on it and downloaded it, following the prompts to create a username (McOllie, a nickname I’d earned based on my Irish last name) and set up my own little profile. Because I still had at least a little of my sanity, I opted to use a picture of one of my favorite characters from a beloved book series - Lunar Lovegreat - rather than one of my own, just in case. Once it was all done, I poked around the rest of the app to try to see what else there was to do, but most of it seemed foreign to me at that particular moment. So I just kind of shrugged it off and closed it, finishing my lunch break before heading back to class.

The rest of the day went by as normal, with me chatting occasionally to my cousin and a few of my friends until classes were over. It was a Wednesday, one of the nights I reserved during the week for studying, so I packed up my stuff and headed home. The bus was crowded, like usual, and I stood in the middle, making sure to leave any open seats for someone who needed it more than me. With one hand on the strap to keep myself secure, I used the other to open my phone to tripter and flip through the most recent updates of my friends. Many of them were planning to go out tonight to various events, including a musical production that was pretty popular among the students of the university. I actually had tickets to go see it that weekend with my cousin; Soomin was a very big fan of the lead actor and had begged me to go with her for quite a while before I finally caved. Musicals… aren’t really my thing.

I was in the middle of reading a rather amusing thread between two of my friends holding a conversation entirely in music quotes when the new app beeped at me, drawing my attention to the notification flashing at the top of my screen. Most apps don’t do that, so I tapped it curiously to find that someone was messaging me. I didn’t know how to take that, exactly, since I hadn’t done anything to add any friends. How strange…?

Unknown: …Hello…?

Should I answer? Not only is this a stranger messaging me, but they apparently decided the best username would be something as ambiguous as “Unknown.”  Maybe… it wouldn’t hurt, just to see what they want.

McOllie: Hello?

Unknown: Can you see this?

McOllie: Um, I answered, so yeah, that’s a safe assumption to make.

The stranger started up a conversation about having found a missing phone that supposedly only had this messenger app on it - something I found to be highly unlikely, but okay, I’ll bite for now. I let them talk about wanting to return the phone and being unable to, raising an eyebrow at how strange the tale sounded. When I tried to inquire more into their identity, they deflected it fairly easily with excuses of being ‘just a student studying abroad’ and that they’re Korean… as though that’s supposed to placate me, somehow. They asked me to help them find the owner of the phone by going to an address (the only one, in theory) that was saved in the device, and, for the third time that day, I found myself doing something that I normally wouldn’t do.

I said yes.

When I input the address into my GPS, I found it to be in one of the nicer portions of town. Well, that was either a good sign… or a very, very bad one. I’d already passed the stop to get there easily, so I just hopped off at the next one and rode another bus back to the area. It didn’t take me too long to get there, and on the way I sent my cousin a text letting her know what I was doing. May as well warn someone about my recklessness, right?

Ollie [17:23] Hey, I’m trying to help someone return a lost phone. I don’t know either of the parties personally, so… if you don’t hear from me in an hour or so, try to reach me, okay?

Ollie [17:24] This is the address:

Soomin [17:25] K… this is rly weird for u. stay safe plz

The apartment door I stopped at was plain, the only thing making it stand out from the rest being the rather large password lock on the handle. The sight of that, as well as the engraved ‘RFA’ right above it, made me feel even more uneasy about the whole situation.

Unknown: Are you there? ^^ See. Nothing strange.

Unknown: Is there a password lock on the door?

I… don’t know what to do. How should I answer? This is just so strange, a situation I’d never thought I’d find myself in. Well, I was supposed to be returning a phone, so I rang the doorbell. No one answered, so I knocked, shifting uneasily from one foot to the other and glancing down the hallway. The more time that passed, the more the dread in the pit of my stomach grew.

McOllie: Uh… no. I don’t see one. Maybe I’m at the wrong place?

Unknown: That’s strange.

Unknown: There’s really nothing?

Unknown: There’s nothing to put in the password?

I sucked in a breath; no going back now. Typing out my answer, I chewed on the inside of my cheek while I waited.

McOllie: Nope, nothing here. Could you have sent me the wrong address?

Unknown: …

Unknown: You sure?

Oh my god, why did they keep asking? It’s like they knew I was lying. My eyes widened as it dawned on me that they probably did. Shit. I gotta get out of here.

McOllie: No, there’s nothing here. I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to help so I’m just… gonna go now.

Unknown: Really?

Unknown: That’s strange.

Unknown: I see with my own eyes that…

Unknown: You are standing in front of a password door lock.

Unknown: Are you going to continue lying?

My blood ran cold as I read those words; fuck, what had I gotten myself into? This was the exact reason I’d always stuck to the straight and narrow path in the past, for fear of danger or ruining my carefully planned future.

Shutting off my phone and shoving it in my pocket, I pulled the hood from my sweater over my head, glancing both ways before quickly turning on my heel to head back to the elevator. My reflexes aren’t particularly quick, so I didn’t have a chance to stop my forward momentum before I crashed into his chest. Jerking back a little too quickly, I pin wheeled my arms to try to catch my balance. He reached out one hand, placing it on my shoulder and quirking an eyebrow at me. A black mask obscured the lower half of his face yet I could tell he was smirking at me by the way one of his eyes was slightly crinkled. His hair was bleached to the point that it was nearly white, excluding the tips, which were a very pale pink. Bright red eyebrows drew attention to his eyes, which were a very unusual shade of green - something I’d almost call a mint color. He was taller than me, though not by more than an inch. Our frames were similar but he was much skinnier than I, something that made his strength somewhat unexpected. The grip on my shoulder was tight, almost to the point of hurting, and he didn’t release me when I regained my footing.

“Well, that plan failed,” he murmured under his breath, his eyes raking over my body in a manner that made me feel very self-conscious. Subconsciously I crossed my arms over my chest, though I had nothing to hide, it was just reflexive. “I’ll have to find someone else. Although,” he continued thoughtfully, tilting his head to the side and reaching forward to lower my hood. Running a hand through my shaggy dark brown hair, he continued the movement down to pinch my chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting my head to the side and staring at me. My eyes flickered down the hall, silently praying for someone, anyone to find us and save me.

“You’re rather handsome. I could get rid of you, but that’d be a shame. What should I do with you?” Retracting his hand, he pulled down his mask, smiling at me coldly. “What do you think, Ollie?”

I recoiled from the use of my name; that meant something I hadn’t wanted to admit even as all signs pointed to it: this was planned for me from the beginning. “I suppose it’s too much to ask for you to let me go?” I asked weakly, already knowing the answer. Should I be fighting him right now? Honestly, I probably should, and god knows I’ve taken my fair share of self-defense classes, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to raise my hand to him.

High-pitched laughter rang out, echoing in the empty corridor to form a weird playback effect that left my ears ringing. “You’ve seen me, so that’s not an option. Hmm. You know, he has an assistant; I think I deserve one as well.” The pause seemed pointed, as though he was waiting for me to say something, but I stayed silent. His eye twitched in annoyance before he said in a bored tone, “that would be you, Ollie. You’d be my assistant.” Moving his hand from my shoulder down my arm to grasp my wrist, he pulled me closer, his black leather jacket falling off of one shoulder to reveal a rather creepy looking eye tattoo. His eyes were trained on mine, an intensity swirling deep inside of them as he narrowed them. “What do you say? Wanna come with me to paradise, where you’ll find true happiness, and be my assistant? I promise I won’t hurt you… if you listen.” He cackled again and I flinched at how loud it was this close in proximity, my hand shaking at my side. I was scared shitless, but I was also… fascinated. Intrigued. I felt drawn to him in a manner I couldn’t comprehend.

Was this it? The end for me? Had I spent all those years at home, working so hard at school so I could be accepted into SKY University and travel to the country my mother was from to study, only to throw it all away? So far I had managed to achieve every single goal I had laid out for myself and my life was going the way I had planned, up until that moment. But I wasn’t happy. Not at all.

Maybe I needed something different. This was my chance to completely change everything.

Taking a deep breath, I nodded curtly. “Yes, I’ll do it.”

A flash of surprise rippled across his face before it was replaced with glee, and he spun around, pulling me toward the elevator. “Wonderful. Let’s not waste another moment then. A man like you deserves to enter paradise immediately.”

[bpdsunburnqueen-blog]

I kept having terrible experiences with men on the online dating life. My BPD makes it almost impossible for me to meet men in real life. I clam up and have no idea what to do to even say hello. I resorted to OkCupid a few years ago and went through a I’ll fuck as many people as I could get my hands on phase. That ran its course and I began to look for something deeper. That is extremely hard to find on the internet. 

Eric was the first guy I met from OkCupid. He was a train conductor for a freight rail line. He was cute, he had a big nose I loved to kiss, and loved movies.  He came over one late night in January of 2012. He had big dick and could last awhile. We use to have sex for a few hours, he'd pass out and leave around 5am. He was the first guy I let cum in me. We did this routine for 5 months before I was insistent on an actual date. He said, “He wasn't ready for that with me.” I ended things that day, drunk, pool-side, and topless at The Country Club in the Bywater of New Orleans.

Bobby was the next guy I met; again from OkCupid. He was handsome and he knew it, on top of that he was a skilled musician. Can you say ego? He would take me on dates and we would get drunk at various bars around the city and go back to my place and fuck each others brains out. This went on for a few months and then he told me he was in love with someone else. We stopped seeing each other but he told me he missed me all the time. We started hooking up again a month later. A few weeks later he showed up to my favorite bar with another girl on a date. He proceeded to make out with her at the table next to me. I was furious. I texted him that night and just ripped him a new one, deleted his number, and his Facebook. Three months later he texted me in the middle of the night with this long ass apology but it was to little to late and I knew he just did it so he'd fuck me again. The next August after getting out of bad relationship we became each others rebounds for a month and then he dumped me the day before my birthday. Stellar dude. We tried to be friends after that. He invited to me to one of his shows one night, looked me in the eyes the whole time he sang, went home with me, and told me how perfect I was. A week later he ditch our plans and then told me he got serious with someone else. I told him to never speak to me again. He hasn't. 

The next guy I met was Jon from OkCupid. He was unemployed, carless, and living off student loans. We met and immediately became attached at the hip. He was cute, he had a man’s body, and gigantic dick. He basically lived at my house. We would have sex 12 times a day. He was super controlling and for the most part would only fuck me from behind laying down. Even though he was spending five nights a week at my house he still cheated on me and around three months he told me he was getting serious with the other girl he was seeing. I was so made and felt so used and betrayed. He said we could still make out and cuddle sometimes but no more sex. I told him to fuck off. We hooked twice since then and tried to be friends but not really.

Two weeks after Jon and I broke up I met Anthony off OkCupid. Anthony ruined me. He claimed me immediately and our attraction to each other was fire. I fell in love with him easily. He was short, cute, had this mop of curls, and a big nose to kiss. I wanted to spend ever moment with him. I wanted to marry him. God, I was so in love with him. He wasn't in love with me. Three months into our relationship he told me he was a heroin addict. He had relapsed but didn't tell me. A week later to the day of three months he broke up me. I was crushed. He came over the next day to beg me to be his friend still. I refused. A week later he got me to hang out with him. A week later we were back together but not together. Slowly but surely it ruined me and I felt worthless. Crazy shit happened to him while we were together and I was there for him the whole time. Six months later he family moved to town and were planning to do that for over a year. He told me two days after they moved. A man tried to rape and kidnap me outside of my house. He gave me two concussions and beat the shit out of me. Anthony was out of town and I called him while I was waiting for the police. When I went to call him back after I gave my report he didn't answer me and didn't talk to me for the rest of the weekend he was gone. That’s when I should have left. Two weeks later I realized he had relapsed. I called him on it. He told me he needed me more than being high but he lied and kept using and wouldn't speak to me for days to weeks at a time. I sent him a letter of a text message officially ending things. I was a wreck of a person. I was so hurt and sad. I gained 30 lbs after the break up. It’s been over a year and half and I still reel from it. He is sober again and in a Facebook official relationship and they're families are friends and I feel so bad about myself sometimes. Another person that just kept me around so they weren't lonely and then just threw me away. I saw his car the other day. I resisted the urge to slash his tires but I still want to. 

The final guy I met from OkCupid was Ben. Another musician, he was average in all aspects of life.  He was what I needed. He made me feel wanted and sexy. We broke up three months and by break up I mean we both just stopped talking to each other. We recently spoke to each other on New Years Eve, it was nice and I'm glad we did.

I took a break from dating and went on a fucking randoms spree for a few months on tinder until a random guy came over and forced me to have anal. I shut down, went back to therapy and gave up men in general. It took about 6 months before I was open to meeting someone again. 

I tried OkCupid but it has lost its appeal. I tried tinder again but with the intention of no random hook ups. Guys have made plans for dates but have ghosted me because I didn't want to meet that night. Until I met Michael. He sucks at texting but doesn't owe me shit quite yet. He calls me dear and sends me XOXOs sometimes at the end of texts. We met up the other night late and had sex without the date first but he promised tomorrow we’d actually go on one. Im trying to not get my hopes up but he cute, driven, and I love that. 

I hope things go well and that’s it. I’m not going to let my needs fall by the wayside. I will de direct with my feelings. I will not chase. My self confidence is slowing coming back and I don't think I need a man to validate me but it would be nice to have a partner in life. 

[samanthasroberts]

34 Men Discuss Society’s Insane Double Standards That Favor Women And Hurt Men

Found on AskReddit.

1. If women sexually harass us, its seen as amusing rather than rapey.

One night in a bar, this incredibly drunk, incredibly skanky woman started fucking grinding on me while I was just trying to sit and drink a beer. Rubbing her gross vag all over my pant leg, and generally being disgusting and inappropriate. While this was happening, I thought If the roles were reversed, security would be tossing me out the door headfirst. Instead, people just laughed.

2. If you go anywhere in public with little kids, youre seen as a predator pedo.

Im a 19 y/o male, and I babysit my 3 and 6-year-old girl cousins often. Last time I babysat them, we played tag, then we had to go to the grocery store. The 3-year-old decided that she wants to play tag, and runs away from me, so I chase her down, playfully saying, I’m gonna get ya! in a funny voice cuz it gets her to laugh. A mom passes by and grabs my 3-year-old cousin, takes the 6-year-old, and goes to a manager. My aunt had to come down and tell them that I was watching them. That was the worse it’s been, but if I go anywhere in public with little kids, especially girls, I’m seen as a predator pedo.

3. If you and a girl both get drunk and have sex, only one can be accused of rape.

There was the anti-rape poster I saw a while back, where two teens get drunk and hook up. The dude gets busted for rape since she couldn’t give consent. The poster mentions nothing about it being the other way around, as in the girl getting busted for rape since he couldn’t give consent. The poster completely disregards the dude as a possible victim. It even goes as far as shaming the dude saying he ruined his life. Made me sick. All it did was promote male victims to want to hide even more.

4. Men are always the dumb ones on TV.

That men are always the dumb ones on TV. I grew up with three sisters and my mom, and I’ve always been disregarded as the stupid, out-of-touch male. Then, when I end up being right most of the time, I make a big deal about it and make everything worse, AND ITS THE TVS FAULT.

5. Women dont get blamed for dumping a man; when a man dumps a woman, hes afraid of commitment.

When a woman leaves a relationship she is praised for pursuing her needs, but when man leaves a relationship he is criticized for not being able to commit.

6. Female bisexuality is accepted. Male bisexuals? Theyre just gay.

How female bisexuality is more accepted and acknowledgedsometimes even encouragedthan male bisexuality.

7. Male genital mutilationtotally legal in every country.

Female genital mutilation: Totally illegal in most countries. Male genital mutilation: Totally legal in country.

8. If a woman gets angry at a man, its his fault.

Man gets angry at a woman, he needs to control himself. Woman gets angry at a man, man needs to learn not to make her angry.

9. Our society doesnt believe that women can sexually abuse boys.

It’s probably way too late for this to get any attention but I am a male victim of sexual abuse.

I was first sexually abused when I was four years old. It was swept under the rug because the 25-year-old that did it to me was going through some things and didn’t know any better.

Fast-forward to when I’m 9 and I was sexually abused every Friday for over a year and a half. I was told by my abuser that if I let anyone know, it would be my fault and I would get in trouble. One day I finally told, just wanting it to end even if I got in trouble. What happened? Both me (9) and my female abuser (23) were given a stern talking to. That was it. She went on to live her life. I never saw her again.

Every Friday I was locked in a room and bound. I would be left in the dark while I would have her perform oral (attempted since I was 9 and unable of getting an erection). She would pump me full of fluids and when I had to go to the bathroom she’d have me pee on her. At times she would pee into a cup and try to force me to drink it. If I was being more cooperative than usual she would untie my hands and have me touch her. At the end of every, I dunno what to call itsession?she would tell me that if I told anyone I would be taken from my parents. Even if they didn’t take me from my parents her dad who was a bad man would kill my mom and my sisters.

That is until I was 15 and made a Facebook. She found me on there and would leave comments like look who grew up sexy and stuff like that. I reached out to the adults in my life and they told me to ignore it, which I did. But they told me I was a guy and I could handle it. It’s not something that keeps me awake at night. But in order to get over it I had to harden myself because I’m a guy and guys can’t get raped.

On a previous reddit account I went to open up on a victims of sexual abuse page. I wrote out a multi-page post just getting it out there. The only replies I got were about how I was a guy and I didn’t know what it was like to be violated as a woman. I was harassed for weeks by women on there for trying to compare my experience to theirs.

10. Women can beat us up all they want, but if we hit back, were monsters.

I’m a big guy, I shave my head and grow a beard, most people think I’m intimidating.

Truly I’m timid at heart, I know how to box but have always found a way around confrontation.

I had a girlfriend that got crazy violent when she was mad, knives, tazers, guns, frequently got involved. I hit her a lot in self defense (we were together for 3 years it definitely played into my low self esteem, i loved to hate it) and it completely ruined my psyche. I think of myself as a woman beater, as a misogynist now just knowing that I’m capable of it.

Just the idea that I can hit a woman has driven me to some of my darkest depths and even now typing it I dont feel justified in my actions despite the fact I was protecting my own life.

One night she came at me with a tazer from behind she started it early and I had enough time to move, she tripped and stunned herself, screaming in pain, bruised her forehead hitting it against the floor. Neighbors heard and called the cops and she gave a false statement. Of course looking the way I do it didn’t matter what I said, I spent a night in holding before she dropped the charges and got me out. I guess I’m just thankful she “loved” me enough not to let me get charged with that shit.

It’s made me scared about new relationships because I’m afraid someone can just tell a cop whatever they want and I’ll get fucked.

Shit this will probably get buried but it was nice to say it. edit: this post blew up r.i.p. my inbox. appreciate all the support and kind words. pm me if you want to talk peeps.

11. Stay-at-home dads are lazy losers; stay-at-home moms are empowered heroes.

I’m a stay-at-home father because I’m taking care of my wife and I’s 2 year old son. My wife’s got a career that’s promising advancement and she works sometimes 12 hour days. I often get the Why doesn’t he have a job and He’s a deadbeat dad routine but if I was a woman I’m sure I’d hear about how mothers work so hard as housewives.

TLDR; Man stays home raises child = Lazy, Woman stays home raises child = Hardworking Hero.

12. If youre a male nurse, people think its because you couldnt become a doctor.

When a man is a nurse people think and many times say in their face Couldn’t become a doctor, huh?

13. If a girl sexually assaults you, youre supposed to enjoy it.

I was sexually assaulted by a girl when I was plastered once and kept saying no I don’t want this. Woke up feeling violated and insanely uncomfortable yet when I told people they all told me to suck it up and I should’ve enjoyed getting some action.

14. There are huge gender disparities in criminal sentencing.

That women who have sex with underage boys aren’t given the same sentences as men who do the same with underage girls.

15. If men show feelings, theyre seen as pussies.

I don’t like how if guys show feelings and emotions they’re some kind of pussy and if a chick does it’s normal. We are all humans and we all have the same emotions that aren’t good to bottle up.

16. Guys are still expected to be the breadwinner.

I don’t like that there’s still this idea that guys have to be the breadwinners and provide for families. Some guys are cool with being househusbands, and women are just as capable of bringing home the money.

17. If a man who murdered a woman spoke at a Mens March, itd be national news.

There was a speaker at the women’s march on Washington named Donna Hylton. She got up on stage and talked about how she had spent 25 years in prison (not mentioning why of course), and the audience cheered.

Turns out, she spent 25 years in prison because in 1985, she and a handful of other people kidnapped a 60-year-old man, tried to ransom him for $435,000, tortured him for three weeks (Hylton personally sodomized him with a metal rod), strangled him, and stuffed his body into a chest to decompose.

I can’t help but wonder how a man with an equivalent record would be received at the same event.

18. Women are allowed to reject guys based on their looks without being seen as shallow.

When I turn down chubby women I’m shallow, but I get turned down for being bald and it just her preference.

19. If a man cheats, hes an asshole; if a woman does, its the mans fault.

I hate the TV portrayal that if a man cheats its cause hes an asshole and heartless but if a women does its scandalous and its cause her husband must either treat her bad or is just never around.

20. Despite what Hillary Clinton said, men are the primary victims of war.

That men for some reason have to be soldiers in some countries while woman only .

21. Divorce laws are lopsidedly in favor of women.

Divorce law.

Women are entitled to alimony at a MUCH higher percentage, even when she’s the primary bread winner.

The idea that a divorced woman has the right to a standard of living consistent to when you were married is gross. No one is entitled to a standard of living, that’s life. That we can be divorced and I can lose my job but still have to pay to keep you living how we were when we were married and I was employed…its insane.

22. Sex toys for girlsnormal. Sex toys for guysweird loser.

When a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he’s called a pervert?

23. A guy who plays video games for hours has a problem; a woman who watches Netflix all night doesnt.

When I play 3 hours of video games I have a problem. When my wife watches 5 hours of Netflix every night its not a problem. Edit: I agree this is not a gender thing. Sorry about answering the question wrong. There is a double standard with gaming/television watching though.

24. Men are expected to just sit back and let women hit them. If they complain, theyre a pussy; if they hit back, theyre a monster.

Domestic Violence. I just got out of an abusive relationship two weeks ago and I’m shocked at how hard it was for me to talk about it and get taken seriously with my peers. She was so mean and I’m the exact opposite these days. Only today have I felt validated for everything when I happened upon a counselor on another thread. I feel terrible about myself still and apparently that’s normal. I’m 6’4″ and a professional bouncer/bodyguard but let me tell you. Men can be abused just as easily as women. It was so bad I’m spending my lunch break here and trying to find a support group. The abuse was mental and very physical. Because I’m a large man though no one would take me seriously. It was always my fault, always me to blame. The preconceived general thought is that men are tough and can handle it. If not then I’m made to feel emasculated and told I’m a pussy. The truth is I just don’t believe in harming people I care about. I’m ranting now because I still can’t really talk about it to anyone. It’s a sad and shitty double standard. No one should have to deal with abuse.

25. Part of being a man is being disposable and no one giving a fuck if your life ends up ruined.

That part of being a man is being disposable and no one giving a fuck if your life ends up ruined.

We hear talk all the time about the gender earnings gap, women’s right to bodily autonomy (via abortions and access to birth control), and other women’s issues, and those are all important things to discuss.

What we don’t hear as often is the fact that 84% of the homeless are men, 92% of workplace fatalities happen to men, 91% of people in prison are men, etc.

We talk about the subtle forms of discrimination in society that result in women choosing to pursue careers which don’t compensate them financially the same way that careers popular with men dobut we never talk about the subtle forms of discrimination that cause men to at a rate nearly an order of magnitude higher than women.

26. When a woman is raped its a tragedy; when a man is raped its a joke.

When a woman is raped its a tragedy; when a man is raped its a joke. When a woman falsely reports a rape, it ruins the man’s life, she gets off scot-free or a tiny jail term.

27. Men who take selfies are much more likely to be accused of narcissism.

I have to say that the standard of what is acceptable on social media. If a female Instagram profile is full of 400 attractive selfies, people are not as critical of the narcissistic side of the pictures as much as they would if it were a guy. Not that I would want to post 400 selfies, but constantly posting pictures of yourself in specific poses isn’t a form of modeling or self-love as much as it is an expression of narcissism.

28. Theres no demand for plus size male models.

How we apparently need plus sized models to represent all women’s body types, but the thought of having male models with beer bellies and no rippling muscles/6 packs is disgusting.

29. Women get shorter sentences for the same crimes as men.

Women who can’t pay child support go to special homes. Men who can’t pay child support go to prison.

Women get shorter sentences for the same crimes as men, such as murder, rape, theft, or simple misdemeanors. Sometimes they aren’t punished at all

If a drunk male and a drunk female have sex, the female could charge for rape since she could not consent even though both parties voluntarily intoxicated themselves. This isn’t a common problem but it happens more than it needs to

Female requirements for the military, police, and fire responders are easier. During basic training in the army I saw a dude carrying 2 rucksacks (google it) and a girl walking behind him with nothing on her back.

Male rape victims are ignored or taken less seriously

Sexual harassment in the workspace happens to men and to women, men are just less likely to report it since they’re taken less seriously.

There are female quotas for CEO jobs, which inadvertently puts more qualified men out of a job in the name of gender equality.

Men pay higher auto premiums.

Women in divorce courts are more likely to win custody.

Men who want to teach young children are weird creepy pedophiles.

30. Its not OK to think a girl is too fat, but its OK for her to think guys are too short.

Its not OK to think a girl is too fat, but its OK for her to think guys are too short.

31. If a guy cries or shows any emotion whatsoever, he’s weak or not masculine.

That if a guy cries or shows any emotion whatsoever, he’s weak or not masculine. Fuck that. Guys are humans, not robots. They should be as expressive with their feelings as they want with whoever they want. I’d argue that trying to repress your own vulnerabilities is the real weakness.

32. Women who make rape accusations are automatically believed, even if theyre lying.

I fucking hate it that a woman can accuse a man of rape, and everyone’s on her side without a doubt, even if she’s lying. Flip it around, and the first thing the guy gets thrown in his face is probably something like You’re supposed to enjoy it, or You let a woman take control of you? That’s more scarring to the man than it is to the womanat least people take the woman’s word for it.

33. On a sinking ship, its women and children first.

The biggest double standard to me is ‘saving the women and children first.’ Why does a man’s life suddenly have less value in these sorts of situations?

34. Pro-choice? Men have absolutely no choice in the matter.

If an unmarried couple becomes pregnant the woman has 100% of the choice to keep the baby or have an abortion. If the man wants the baby and the woman doesn’t the man is out of luck. If the man doesn’t want the baby and the woman does the man is on the hook for 18 years of child support. Controversial I know, but I’d like to hear thoughts.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/34-men-discuss-societys-insane-double-standards-that-favor-women-and-hurt-men/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/34-men-discuss-societys-insane-double-standards-that-favor-women-and-hurt-men/

[adambstingus]

34 Men Discuss Society’s Insane Double Standards That Favor Women And Hurt Men

Found on AskReddit.

1. If women sexually harass us, its seen as amusing rather than rapey.

One night in a bar, this incredibly drunk, incredibly skanky woman started fucking grinding on me while I was just trying to sit and drink a beer. Rubbing her gross vag all over my pant leg, and generally being disgusting and inappropriate. While this was happening, I thought If the roles were reversed, security would be tossing me out the door headfirst. Instead, people just laughed.

2. If you go anywhere in public with little kids, youre seen as a predator pedo.

Im a 19 y/o male, and I babysit my 3 and 6-year-old girl cousins often. Last time I babysat them, we played tag, then we had to go to the grocery store. The 3-year-old decided that she wants to play tag, and runs away from me, so I chase her down, playfully saying, I’m gonna get ya! in a funny voice cuz it gets her to laugh. A mom passes by and grabs my 3-year-old cousin, takes the 6-year-old, and goes to a manager. My aunt had to come down and tell them that I was watching them. That was the worse it’s been, but if I go anywhere in public with little kids, especially girls, I’m seen as a predator pedo.

3. If you and a girl both get drunk and have sex, only one can be accused of rape.

There was the anti-rape poster I saw a while back, where two teens get drunk and hook up. The dude gets busted for rape since she couldn’t give consent. The poster mentions nothing about it being the other way around, as in the girl getting busted for rape since he couldn’t give consent. The poster completely disregards the dude as a possible victim. It even goes as far as shaming the dude saying he ruined his life. Made me sick. All it did was promote male victims to want to hide even more.

4. Men are always the dumb ones on TV.

That men are always the dumb ones on TV. I grew up with three sisters and my mom, and I’ve always been disregarded as the stupid, out-of-touch male. Then, when I end up being right most of the time, I make a big deal about it and make everything worse, AND ITS THE TVS FAULT.

5. Women dont get blamed for dumping a man; when a man dumps a woman, hes afraid of commitment.

When a woman leaves a relationship she is praised for pursuing her needs, but when man leaves a relationship he is criticized for not being able to commit.

6. Female bisexuality is accepted. Male bisexuals? Theyre just gay.

How female bisexuality is more accepted and acknowledgedsometimes even encouragedthan male bisexuality.

7. Male genital mutilationtotally legal in every country.

Female genital mutilation: Totally illegal in most countries. Male genital mutilation: Totally legal in country.

8. If a woman gets angry at a man, its his fault.

Man gets angry at a woman, he needs to control himself. Woman gets angry at a man, man needs to learn not to make her angry.

9. Our society doesnt believe that women can sexually abuse boys.

It’s probably way too late for this to get any attention but I am a male victim of sexual abuse.

I was first sexually abused when I was four years old. It was swept under the rug because the 25-year-old that did it to me was going through some things and didn’t know any better.

Fast-forward to when I’m 9 and I was sexually abused every Friday for over a year and a half. I was told by my abuser that if I let anyone know, it would be my fault and I would get in trouble. One day I finally told, just wanting it to end even if I got in trouble. What happened? Both me (9) and my female abuser (23) were given a stern talking to. That was it. She went on to live her life. I never saw her again.

Every Friday I was locked in a room and bound. I would be left in the dark while I would have her perform oral (attempted since I was 9 and unable of getting an erection). She would pump me full of fluids and when I had to go to the bathroom she’d have me pee on her. At times she would pee into a cup and try to force me to drink it. If I was being more cooperative than usual she would untie my hands and have me touch her. At the end of every, I dunno what to call itsession?she would tell me that if I told anyone I would be taken from my parents. Even if they didn’t take me from my parents her dad who was a bad man would kill my mom and my sisters.

That is until I was 15 and made a Facebook. She found me on there and would leave comments like look who grew up sexy and stuff like that. I reached out to the adults in my life and they told me to ignore it, which I did. But they told me I was a guy and I could handle it. It’s not something that keeps me awake at night. But in order to get over it I had to harden myself because I’m a guy and guys can’t get raped.

On a previous reddit account I went to open up on a victims of sexual abuse page. I wrote out a multi-page post just getting it out there. The only replies I got were about how I was a guy and I didn’t know what it was like to be violated as a woman. I was harassed for weeks by women on there for trying to compare my experience to theirs.

10. Women can beat us up all they want, but if we hit back, were monsters.

I’m a big guy, I shave my head and grow a beard, most people think I’m intimidating.

Truly I’m timid at heart, I know how to box but have always found a way around confrontation.

I had a girlfriend that got crazy violent when she was mad, knives, tazers, guns, frequently got involved. I hit her a lot in self defense (we were together for 3 years it definitely played into my low self esteem, i loved to hate it) and it completely ruined my psyche. I think of myself as a woman beater, as a misogynist now just knowing that I’m capable of it.

Just the idea that I can hit a woman has driven me to some of my darkest depths and even now typing it I dont feel justified in my actions despite the fact I was protecting my own life.

One night she came at me with a tazer from behind she started it early and I had enough time to move, she tripped and stunned herself, screaming in pain, bruised her forehead hitting it against the floor. Neighbors heard and called the cops and she gave a false statement. Of course looking the way I do it didn’t matter what I said, I spent a night in holding before she dropped the charges and got me out. I guess I’m just thankful she “loved” me enough not to let me get charged with that shit.

It’s made me scared about new relationships because I’m afraid someone can just tell a cop whatever they want and I’ll get fucked.

Shit this will probably get buried but it was nice to say it. edit: this post blew up r.i.p. my inbox. appreciate all the support and kind words. pm me if you want to talk peeps.

11. Stay-at-home dads are lazy losers; stay-at-home moms are empowered heroes.

I’m a stay-at-home father because I’m taking care of my wife and I’s 2 year old son. My wife’s got a career that’s promising advancement and she works sometimes 12 hour days. I often get the Why doesn’t he have a job and He’s a deadbeat dad routine but if I was a woman I’m sure I’d hear about how mothers work so hard as housewives.

TLDR; Man stays home raises child = Lazy, Woman stays home raises child = Hardworking Hero.

12. If youre a male nurse, people think its because you couldnt become a doctor.

When a man is a nurse people think and many times say in their face Couldn’t become a doctor, huh?

13. If a girl sexually assaults you, youre supposed to enjoy it.

I was sexually assaulted by a girl when I was plastered once and kept saying no I don’t want this. Woke up feeling violated and insanely uncomfortable yet when I told people they all told me to suck it up and I should’ve enjoyed getting some action.

14. There are huge gender disparities in criminal sentencing.

That women who have sex with underage boys aren’t given the same sentences as men who do the same with underage girls.

15. If men show feelings, theyre seen as pussies.

I don’t like how if guys show feelings and emotions they’re some kind of pussy and if a chick does it’s normal. We are all humans and we all have the same emotions that aren’t good to bottle up.

16. Guys are still expected to be the breadwinner.

I don’t like that there’s still this idea that guys have to be the breadwinners and provide for families. Some guys are cool with being househusbands, and women are just as capable of bringing home the money.

17. If a man who murdered a woman spoke at a Mens March, itd be national news.

There was a speaker at the women’s march on Washington named Donna Hylton. She got up on stage and talked about how she had spent 25 years in prison (not mentioning why of course), and the audience cheered.

Turns out, she spent 25 years in prison because in 1985, she and a handful of other people kidnapped a 60-year-old man, tried to ransom him for $435,000, tortured him for three weeks (Hylton personally sodomized him with a metal rod), strangled him, and stuffed his body into a chest to decompose.

I can’t help but wonder how a man with an equivalent record would be received at the same event.

18. Women are allowed to reject guys based on their looks without being seen as shallow.

When I turn down chubby women I’m shallow, but I get turned down for being bald and it just her preference.

19. If a man cheats, hes an asshole; if a woman does, its the mans fault.

I hate the TV portrayal that if a man cheats its cause hes an asshole and heartless but if a women does its scandalous and its cause her husband must either treat her bad or is just never around.

20. Despite what Hillary Clinton said, men are the primary victims of war.

That men for some reason have to be soldiers in some countries while woman only .

21. Divorce laws are lopsidedly in favor of women.

Divorce law.

Women are entitled to alimony at a MUCH higher percentage, even when she’s the primary bread winner.

The idea that a divorced woman has the right to a standard of living consistent to when you were married is gross. No one is entitled to a standard of living, that’s life. That we can be divorced and I can lose my job but still have to pay to keep you living how we were when we were married and I was employed…its insane.

22. Sex toys for girlsnormal. Sex toys for guysweird loser.

When a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he’s called a pervert?

23. A guy who plays video games for hours has a problem; a woman who watches Netflix all night doesnt.

When I play 3 hours of video games I have a problem. When my wife watches 5 hours of Netflix every night its not a problem. Edit: I agree this is not a gender thing. Sorry about answering the question wrong. There is a double standard with gaming/television watching though.

24. Men are expected to just sit back and let women hit them. If they complain, theyre a pussy; if they hit back, theyre a monster.

Domestic Violence. I just got out of an abusive relationship two weeks ago and I’m shocked at how hard it was for me to talk about it and get taken seriously with my peers. She was so mean and I’m the exact opposite these days. Only today have I felt validated for everything when I happened upon a counselor on another thread. I feel terrible about myself still and apparently that’s normal. I’m 6’4″ and a professional bouncer/bodyguard but let me tell you. Men can be abused just as easily as women. It was so bad I’m spending my lunch break here and trying to find a support group. The abuse was mental and very physical. Because I’m a large man though no one would take me seriously. It was always my fault, always me to blame. The preconceived general thought is that men are tough and can handle it. If not then I’m made to feel emasculated and told I’m a pussy. The truth is I just don’t believe in harming people I care about. I’m ranting now because I still can’t really talk about it to anyone. It’s a sad and shitty double standard. No one should have to deal with abuse.

25. Part of being a man is being disposable and no one giving a fuck if your life ends up ruined.

That part of being a man is being disposable and no one giving a fuck if your life ends up ruined.

We hear talk all the time about the gender earnings gap, women’s right to bodily autonomy (via abortions and access to birth control), and other women’s issues, and those are all important things to discuss.

What we don’t hear as often is the fact that 84% of the homeless are men, 92% of workplace fatalities happen to men, 91% of people in prison are men, etc.

We talk about the subtle forms of discrimination in society that result in women choosing to pursue careers which don’t compensate them financially the same way that careers popular with men dobut we never talk about the subtle forms of discrimination that cause men to at a rate nearly an order of magnitude higher than women.

26. When a woman is raped its a tragedy; when a man is raped its a joke.

When a woman is raped its a tragedy; when a man is raped its a joke. When a woman falsely reports a rape, it ruins the man’s life, she gets off scot-free or a tiny jail term.

27. Men who take selfies are much more likely to be accused of narcissism.

I have to say that the standard of what is acceptable on social media. If a female Instagram profile is full of 400 attractive selfies, people are not as critical of the narcissistic side of the pictures as much as they would if it were a guy. Not that I would want to post 400 selfies, but constantly posting pictures of yourself in specific poses isn’t a form of modeling or self-love as much as it is an expression of narcissism.

28. Theres no demand for plus size male models.

How we apparently need plus sized models to represent all women’s body types, but the thought of having male models with beer bellies and no rippling muscles/6 packs is disgusting.

29. Women get shorter sentences for the same crimes as men.

Women who can’t pay child support go to special homes. Men who can’t pay child support go to prison.

Women get shorter sentences for the same crimes as men, such as murder, rape, theft, or simple misdemeanors. Sometimes they aren’t punished at all

If a drunk male and a drunk female have sex, the female could charge for rape since she could not consent even though both parties voluntarily intoxicated themselves. This isn’t a common problem but it happens more than it needs to

Female requirements for the military, police, and fire responders are easier. During basic training in the army I saw a dude carrying 2 rucksacks (google it) and a girl walking behind him with nothing on her back.

Male rape victims are ignored or taken less seriously

Sexual harassment in the workspace happens to men and to women, men are just less likely to report it since they’re taken less seriously.

There are female quotas for CEO jobs, which inadvertently puts more qualified men out of a job in the name of gender equality.

Men pay higher auto premiums.

Women in divorce courts are more likely to win custody.

Men who want to teach young children are weird creepy pedophiles.

30. Its not OK to think a girl is too fat, but its OK for her to think guys are too short.

Its not OK to think a girl is too fat, but its OK for her to think guys are too short.

31. If a guy cries or shows any emotion whatsoever, he’s weak or not masculine.

That if a guy cries or shows any emotion whatsoever, he’s weak or not masculine. Fuck that. Guys are humans, not robots. They should be as expressive with their feelings as they want with whoever they want. I’d argue that trying to repress your own vulnerabilities is the real weakness.

32. Women who make rape accusations are automatically believed, even if theyre lying.

I fucking hate it that a woman can accuse a man of rape, and everyone’s on her side without a doubt, even if she’s lying. Flip it around, and the first thing the guy gets thrown in his face is probably something like You’re supposed to enjoy it, or You let a woman take control of you? That’s more scarring to the man than it is to the womanat least people take the woman’s word for it.

33. On a sinking ship, its women and children first.

The biggest double standard to me is ‘saving the women and children first.’ Why does a man’s life suddenly have less value in these sorts of situations?

34. Pro-choice? Men have absolutely no choice in the matter.

If an unmarried couple becomes pregnant the woman has 100% of the choice to keep the baby or have an abortion. If the man wants the baby and the woman doesn’t the man is out of luck. If the man doesn’t want the baby and the woman does the man is on the hook for 18 years of child support. Controversial I know, but I’d like to hear thoughts.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/34-men-discuss-societys-insane-double-standards-that-favor-women-and-hurt-men/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/163070503847

[allofbeercom]

34 Men Discuss Society’s Insane Double Standards That Favor Women And Hurt Men

Found on AskReddit.

1. If women sexually harass us, its seen as amusing rather than rapey.

One night in a bar, this incredibly drunk, incredibly skanky woman started fucking grinding on me while I was just trying to sit and drink a beer. Rubbing her gross vag all over my pant leg, and generally being disgusting and inappropriate. While this was happening, I thought If the roles were reversed, security would be tossing me out the door headfirst. Instead, people just laughed.

2. If you go anywhere in public with little kids, youre seen as a predator pedo.

Im a 19 y/o male, and I babysit my 3 and 6-year-old girl cousins often. Last time I babysat them, we played tag, then we had to go to the grocery store. The 3-year-old decided that she wants to play tag, and runs away from me, so I chase her down, playfully saying, I’m gonna get ya! in a funny voice cuz it gets her to laugh. A mom passes by and grabs my 3-year-old cousin, takes the 6-year-old, and goes to a manager. My aunt had to come down and tell them that I was watching them. That was the worse it’s been, but if I go anywhere in public with little kids, especially girls, I’m seen as a predator pedo.

3. If you and a girl both get drunk and have sex, only one can be accused of rape.

There was the anti-rape poster I saw a while back, where two teens get drunk and hook up. The dude gets busted for rape since she couldn’t give consent. The poster mentions nothing about it being the other way around, as in the girl getting busted for rape since he couldn’t give consent. The poster completely disregards the dude as a possible victim. It even goes as far as shaming the dude saying he ruined his life. Made me sick. All it did was promote male victims to want to hide even more.

4. Men are always the dumb ones on TV.

That men are always the dumb ones on TV. I grew up with three sisters and my mom, and I’ve always been disregarded as the stupid, out-of-touch male. Then, when I end up being right most of the time, I make a big deal about it and make everything worse, AND ITS THE TVS FAULT.

5. Women dont get blamed for dumping a man; when a man dumps a woman, hes afraid of commitment.

When a woman leaves a relationship she is praised for pursuing her needs, but when man leaves a relationship he is criticized for not being able to commit.

6. Female bisexuality is accepted. Male bisexuals? Theyre just gay.

How female bisexuality is more accepted and acknowledgedsometimes even encouragedthan male bisexuality.

7. Male genital mutilationtotally legal in every country.

Female genital mutilation: Totally illegal in most countries. Male genital mutilation: Totally legal in country.

8. If a woman gets angry at a man, its his fault.

Man gets angry at a woman, he needs to control himself. Woman gets angry at a man, man needs to learn not to make her angry.

9. Our society doesnt believe that women can sexually abuse boys.

It’s probably way too late for this to get any attention but I am a male victim of sexual abuse.

I was first sexually abused when I was four years old. It was swept under the rug because the 25-year-old that did it to me was going through some things and didn’t know any better.

Fast-forward to when I’m 9 and I was sexually abused every Friday for over a year and a half. I was told by my abuser that if I let anyone know, it would be my fault and I would get in trouble. One day I finally told, just wanting it to end even if I got in trouble. What happened? Both me (9) and my female abuser (23) were given a stern talking to. That was it. She went on to live her life. I never saw her again.

Every Friday I was locked in a room and bound. I would be left in the dark while I would have her perform oral (attempted since I was 9 and unable of getting an erection). She would pump me full of fluids and when I had to go to the bathroom she’d have me pee on her. At times she would pee into a cup and try to force me to drink it. If I was being more cooperative than usual she would untie my hands and have me touch her. At the end of every, I dunno what to call itsession?she would tell me that if I told anyone I would be taken from my parents. Even if they didn’t take me from my parents her dad who was a bad man would kill my mom and my sisters.

That is until I was 15 and made a Facebook. She found me on there and would leave comments like look who grew up sexy and stuff like that. I reached out to the adults in my life and they told me to ignore it, which I did. But they told me I was a guy and I could handle it. It’s not something that keeps me awake at night. But in order to get over it I had to harden myself because I’m a guy and guys can’t get raped.

On a previous reddit account I went to open up on a victims of sexual abuse page. I wrote out a multi-page post just getting it out there. The only replies I got were about how I was a guy and I didn’t know what it was like to be violated as a woman. I was harassed for weeks by women on there for trying to compare my experience to theirs.

10. Women can beat us up all they want, but if we hit back, were monsters.

I’m a big guy, I shave my head and grow a beard, most people think I’m intimidating.

Truly I’m timid at heart, I know how to box but have always found a way around confrontation.

I had a girlfriend that got crazy violent when she was mad, knives, tazers, guns, frequently got involved. I hit her a lot in self defense (we were together for 3 years it definitely played into my low self esteem, i loved to hate it) and it completely ruined my psyche. I think of myself as a woman beater, as a misogynist now just knowing that I’m capable of it.

Just the idea that I can hit a woman has driven me to some of my darkest depths and even now typing it I dont feel justified in my actions despite the fact I was protecting my own life.

One night she came at me with a tazer from behind she started it early and I had enough time to move, she tripped and stunned herself, screaming in pain, bruised her forehead hitting it against the floor. Neighbors heard and called the cops and she gave a false statement. Of course looking the way I do it didn’t matter what I said, I spent a night in holding before she dropped the charges and got me out. I guess I’m just thankful she “loved” me enough not to let me get charged with that shit.

It’s made me scared about new relationships because I’m afraid someone can just tell a cop whatever they want and I’ll get fucked.

Shit this will probably get buried but it was nice to say it. edit: this post blew up r.i.p. my inbox. appreciate all the support and kind words. pm me if you want to talk peeps.

11. Stay-at-home dads are lazy losers; stay-at-home moms are empowered heroes.

I’m a stay-at-home father because I’m taking care of my wife and I’s 2 year old son. My wife’s got a career that’s promising advancement and she works sometimes 12 hour days. I often get the Why doesn’t he have a job and He’s a deadbeat dad routine but if I was a woman I’m sure I’d hear about how mothers work so hard as housewives.

TLDR; Man stays home raises child = Lazy, Woman stays home raises child = Hardworking Hero.

12. If youre a male nurse, people think its because you couldnt become a doctor.

When a man is a nurse people think and many times say in their face Couldn’t become a doctor, huh?

13. If a girl sexually assaults you, youre supposed to enjoy it.

I was sexually assaulted by a girl when I was plastered once and kept saying no I don’t want this. Woke up feeling violated and insanely uncomfortable yet when I told people they all told me to suck it up and I should’ve enjoyed getting some action.

14. There are huge gender disparities in criminal sentencing.

That women who have sex with underage boys aren’t given the same sentences as men who do the same with underage girls.

15. If men show feelings, theyre seen as pussies.

I don’t like how if guys show feelings and emotions they’re some kind of pussy and if a chick does it’s normal. We are all humans and we all have the same emotions that aren’t good to bottle up.

16. Guys are still expected to be the breadwinner.

I don’t like that there’s still this idea that guys have to be the breadwinners and provide for families. Some guys are cool with being househusbands, and women are just as capable of bringing home the money.

17. If a man who murdered a woman spoke at a Mens March, itd be national news.

There was a speaker at the women’s march on Washington named Donna Hylton. She got up on stage and talked about how she had spent 25 years in prison (not mentioning why of course), and the audience cheered.

Turns out, she spent 25 years in prison because in 1985, she and a handful of other people kidnapped a 60-year-old man, tried to ransom him for $435,000, tortured him for three weeks (Hylton personally sodomized him with a metal rod), strangled him, and stuffed his body into a chest to decompose.

I can’t help but wonder how a man with an equivalent record would be received at the same event.

18. Women are allowed to reject guys based on their looks without being seen as shallow.

When I turn down chubby women I’m shallow, but I get turned down for being bald and it just her preference.

19. If a man cheats, hes an asshole; if a woman does, its the mans fault.

I hate the TV portrayal that if a man cheats its cause hes an asshole and heartless but if a women does its scandalous and its cause her husband must either treat her bad or is just never around.

20. Despite what Hillary Clinton said, men are the primary victims of war.

That men for some reason have to be soldiers in some countries while woman only .

21. Divorce laws are lopsidedly in favor of women.

Divorce law.

Women are entitled to alimony at a MUCH higher percentage, even when she’s the primary bread winner.

The idea that a divorced woman has the right to a standard of living consistent to when you were married is gross. No one is entitled to a standard of living, that’s life. That we can be divorced and I can lose my job but still have to pay to keep you living how we were when we were married and I was employed…its insane.

22. Sex toys for girlsnormal. Sex toys for guysweird loser.

When a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he’s called a pervert?

23. A guy who plays video games for hours has a problem; a woman who watches Netflix all night doesnt.

When I play 3 hours of video games I have a problem. When my wife watches 5 hours of Netflix every night its not a problem. Edit: I agree this is not a gender thing. Sorry about answering the question wrong. There is a double standard with gaming/television watching though.

24. Men are expected to just sit back and let women hit them. If they complain, theyre a pussy; if they hit back, theyre a monster.

Domestic Violence. I just got out of an abusive relationship two weeks ago and I’m shocked at how hard it was for me to talk about it and get taken seriously with my peers. She was so mean and I’m the exact opposite these days. Only today have I felt validated for everything when I happened upon a counselor on another thread. I feel terrible about myself still and apparently that’s normal. I’m 6’4″ and a professional bouncer/bodyguard but let me tell you. Men can be abused just as easily as women. It was so bad I’m spending my lunch break here and trying to find a support group. The abuse was mental and very physical. Because I’m a large man though no one would take me seriously. It was always my fault, always me to blame. The preconceived general thought is that men are tough and can handle it. If not then I’m made to feel emasculated and told I’m a pussy. The truth is I just don’t believe in harming people I care about. I’m ranting now because I still can’t really talk about it to anyone. It’s a sad and shitty double standard. No one should have to deal with abuse.

25. Part of being a man is being disposable and no one giving a fuck if your life ends up ruined.

That part of being a man is being disposable and no one giving a fuck if your life ends up ruined.

We hear talk all the time about the gender earnings gap, women’s right to bodily autonomy (via abortions and access to birth control), and other women’s issues, and those are all important things to discuss.

What we don’t hear as often is the fact that 84% of the homeless are men, 92% of workplace fatalities happen to men, 91% of people in prison are men, etc.

We talk about the subtle forms of discrimination in society that result in women choosing to pursue careers which don’t compensate them financially the same way that careers popular with men dobut we never talk about the subtle forms of discrimination that cause men to at a rate nearly an order of magnitude higher than women.

26. When a woman is raped its a tragedy; when a man is raped its a joke.

When a woman is raped its a tragedy; when a man is raped its a joke. When a woman falsely reports a rape, it ruins the man’s life, she gets off scot-free or a tiny jail term.

27. Men who take selfies are much more likely to be accused of narcissism.

I have to say that the standard of what is acceptable on social media. If a female Instagram profile is full of 400 attractive selfies, people are not as critical of the narcissistic side of the pictures as much as they would if it were a guy. Not that I would want to post 400 selfies, but constantly posting pictures of yourself in specific poses isn’t a form of modeling or self-love as much as it is an expression of narcissism.

28. Theres no demand for plus size male models.

How we apparently need plus sized models to represent all women’s body types, but the thought of having male models with beer bellies and no rippling muscles/6 packs is disgusting.

29. Women get shorter sentences for the same crimes as men.

Women who can’t pay child support go to special homes. Men who can’t pay child support go to prison.

Women get shorter sentences for the same crimes as men, such as murder, rape, theft, or simple misdemeanors. Sometimes they aren’t punished at all

If a drunk male and a drunk female have sex, the female could charge for rape since she could not consent even though both parties voluntarily intoxicated themselves. This isn’t a common problem but it happens more than it needs to

Female requirements for the military, police, and fire responders are easier. During basic training in the army I saw a dude carrying 2 rucksacks (google it) and a girl walking behind him with nothing on her back.

Male rape victims are ignored or taken less seriously

Sexual harassment in the workspace happens to men and to women, men are just less likely to report it since they’re taken less seriously.

There are female quotas for CEO jobs, which inadvertently puts more qualified men out of a job in the name of gender equality.

Men pay higher auto premiums.

Women in divorce courts are more likely to win custody.

Men who want to teach young children are weird creepy pedophiles.

30. Its not OK to think a girl is too fat, but its OK for her to think guys are too short.

Its not OK to think a girl is too fat, but its OK for her to think guys are too short.

31. If a guy cries or shows any emotion whatsoever, he’s weak or not masculine.

That if a guy cries or shows any emotion whatsoever, he’s weak or not masculine. Fuck that. Guys are humans, not robots. They should be as expressive with their feelings as they want with whoever they want. I’d argue that trying to repress your own vulnerabilities is the real weakness.

32. Women who make rape accusations are automatically believed, even if theyre lying.

I fucking hate it that a woman can accuse a man of rape, and everyone’s on her side without a doubt, even if she’s lying. Flip it around, and the first thing the guy gets thrown in his face is probably something like You’re supposed to enjoy it, or You let a woman take control of you? That’s more scarring to the man than it is to the womanat least people take the woman’s word for it.

33. On a sinking ship, its women and children first.

The biggest double standard to me is ‘saving the women and children first.’ Why does a man’s life suddenly have less value in these sorts of situations?

34. Pro-choice? Men have absolutely no choice in the matter.

If an unmarried couple becomes pregnant the woman has 100% of the choice to keep the baby or have an abortion. If the man wants the baby and the woman doesn’t the man is out of luck. If the man doesn’t want the baby and the woman does the man is on the hook for 18 years of child support. Controversial I know, but I’d like to hear thoughts.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/34-men-discuss-societys-insane-double-standards-that-favor-women-and-hurt-men/