#and again I am not attacking anyone
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~~~~DO NOT REBLOG~~~~
Not to be that person but I've been reading some critiques of totk and how it handles imperialism (and perpetuates pro-imperialist sentiment), and it makes me feel like I'm standing on the sidelines tapping my foot anxiously cause while I agree with the general argument cause yes it does in fact have pro-imperialist sentiment it fails to point out that it comes from Japan. Japan with its own history of imperialism and imperialism apologism specifically. So it's very close to but slightly off mark and makes me frustrated. Especially since this is not the only time Nintendo has inserted pro-imperialist sentiment (looking at you Po/kemon legends:arce/us) and How You Are Not Immune to Propaganda (@ Nintendo devs).
But I refuse to speak of it in detail as I am not Japanese, I am not Asian, and I'm too unqualified (both temporally with relation to my studies and also not in-depth enough) to speak on the subject.
So I'll just sit here. Leg stimming anxiously like I have restless leg syndrome cause yeah I completely agree but I would normally go about explaining why in a slightly different direction but alas I should not and will not.
The only, only thing I will say though, if to make this post relevant to anyone reading this, is that people need to understand that one has to approach Hyrule through the lens that it is created by a Japanese company. The Hyrule religion is based on the Japanese state religion and specifically inspired by the kind that emerged after the Meiji Revolution. This is pertinent to understanding the Hylia lore and Zelda and why the monarchy is Like That, and why it keeps popping up again and again and why they refuse to move away from that model. And this directly ties into the Japanese pro-imperialist sentiment we see in these games.
#I am not tagging this#except maybe#the Discourse#the pro-imperialist sentiment that seeps into this game is part of the reason I cant enjoy this game As Much as bo/tw#not that bo/tw was clean by any means in that department#cause you can feel some problems there but they're not as Relevant to ingame present times excluding the Yiga maybe#but yeah to/tk has some Big problems with that#I can accept that it is flaws with Rauru as a person#but also eugh#anyway I reccomend all of you to study Japan's modern mythos#and how the myth of the Emperor and how the Meiji government revolutionize while cementing the grounds that will become Imperial Japan#and how and why Imperial Japan was like that and what they did#and how just like in the West with its imperialism#Japan seeks to revise history and deny their atrocities and continue to do so#anyways#This is not an anti-Shinto-ism post I am not against its existence#but like many religions it can and has been weaponized by Imperialism#and again I am not attacking anyone#I just think there should be discussion here about these things specifically#edited: for clarity
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super fun trade with @charseraph !
#my art#monster art#illustration#looove this design thank you again for letting me tackle em!#this is a slightly different version than I sent you - some things were bothering me! let me know if you want the bigger file <:^)#1st art of 2023. starting off weird and pledging to stay weird. sometimes#currently redecorating my entire room which has been ugly and unchanged since moving in two and a half years ago. so less art yet again#sorry. big things to come though#also scrumpy (cat) is in his attack everything stage but i think he's a feminist because he likes me. so i forgive him#however my mom says he is misogynist because he only cares about me for my tiddies (for sleeping on) and not my personality#anyone want to chime in? i want to like him but i will cancel him if he's evil#i am once again apologising for using the notes function in this way btw. i have a lot of thoughts in my mind#and need to write them down. unfortunately
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Remember I first started to write Lofi Beats to Capture Children to, around two years ago based on the entire Concept that the Daycare Attendant was built with child napping, and nefarious purposes in mind?
Wondering who could have possibly made him and that I basically said the Daycare Attendant seems built with similar purposes that Circus Baby and the Funtime Animatronics have? That the Daycare Attendant is meant to be a death trap for the children outside of the Virus? A Child-napping, and Child-sleeping machine built to bring the Children to Vanny specifically and the Virus had very little to do with this???
That he was Meant to be Vanny's Puppet from the start? To do her bidding?
......
I'm feeling really good about myself and my headcanons right now.
#fnaf#help wanted 2#help wanted 2 spoilers#The Daycare Attendant fnaf#Moondrop fnaf#Moon fnaf#I am just so happy that Moon and Vanny are partners in crime#It seems he serves her#He's the one who appears the MOST in the minigames#AGAIN no attacking anyone's headcanons#I am just happy I made a call a long while back#danachan's rants#I am so excited about this game I'm forgetting to tag my rants
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Hate to burst anyone's bubble but I don't think L would've revealed his face to Light if the latter wasn't Kira. The Kira case was the only case in which L shows his identity to anyone besides Watari because it's the first time he (and his authority) has been challenged like this (with the majority of the Japanese task force leaving since they can't trust L coz of the FBI incident).
If Light weren't Kira and went on to become an NPA officer like his father, he might work with L on some cases together but that doesn't mean L would've revealed his identity to him, however intelligent this particular NPA officer may be.
Like I ship Lawlight very much and I'm not (in this post, that is) referring to anyone exploring the idea of non-Kira!Light with L in their AUs as bad (I like those AUs too), but let's remember that it wouldn't be plausible if we're going by canon. Even if Ohba said somewhere that they'd work together if Light weren't Kira, I'm sure he didn't mean working together as in face-to-face.
#that doesn't stop Light from being L's most favorite detective in the NPA tho#but i doubt that L would show his face to him just because Light's a genius like him#again i am not attacking anyone loving the idea of non-kira!Light & L working together (i'm one of those people; hi) and#reading (hello again) or writing about it in AUs#but that's not canonically plausible?#i can only think of one scenario where it's plausible#it's when L & non-Kira!Light are working on a case that's even bigger than the Kira case which requires showing your identity#anyways if i'm wrong feel free to correct me!#death note#light yagami#l lawliet#musings#p#my meta
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So Noah is openly being a zionist online... AGAIN. I'm seeing a lot of people wanting to leave the fandom- which I support, if you can drop this then you should. But if you're like me and it's not that simple, here are a couple rough tips that might help;
Pro-tip; instead of paying for Netflix and helping support genocide and the zionists in the cast/crew, cancel your subscription and send that money to charities that are bringing aid and resources into Gaza!
Pro-tip 2; buy fan content and nothing liscenced! Fan works are often better quality than the show- from drawings, to writing, to pins... it's worth the money and you aren't sending money to people openly supporting genocide and the murder of children!
Pro-tip 3; if you are going to continue taking part in fandom, like myself, do not do so in silence. Palestinians are being murdered and we can't pretend that it isn't happening simply because we have hyperfixations that we can't get rid of.
Pro-tip 4; join boycotts! Not only the monetary boycott of Netflix and Stranger Things, but- at least- the three main boycotts; McDonalds, Disney+ and Starbucks! There are many others, from Puma to Barclays to Booking.com to Pizza Hut to Burger King... None of these things are necessities and you can easily go without! Other options are probably cheaper and better quality too! It's a win-win!
Pro-tip 5; Go to protests if you can! Make your voice heard not only online but in person too! We have strength in numbers and we cannot lose the momentum we've barely started to build! Take direct action!
P.S. biggest fuck you to Noah Schnapp but also; Ross Duffer, Shawn Levy and Brett Gelman can suck the shit right out my ass <3
#stranger things#side not that I've lit never paid for netflix#unfortunately I've already paid for travel for that fucking stage show and I'm not willing to waste that money so :/#catch me taking photos of whatever merch I like and finding fan dupes though lmao#but again; fuck zionists. fuck them straight to the depths of whatever hell there is#and I'm going to sleep right after posting this so the potential fallout to this will be... uh... something#but I am kind of curious to see if anyone attacks me for continuing the way I am like I wasn't one of those who called noah out before this#but noah spreading isreali lies and zionist propaganda wasnt that big of deal until now I guess 👀#anyways free palestine and pirate stranger things 🏴☠️🖖 goodnight
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I think there's something to be said also about how so many Ganondorf redemption arcs in fanfics involve him being shipped with Link or Zelda. It's very ingrained in the fandom to connect Ganondorf as a good guy to Ganondorf as an object of desire, specifically paired sexually with a good, pale, white, heroic hylian who "tames" him out of his savagery.
Yeah, I think that's a really fair point.
Again, I'm always pretty uncomfortable with chiming in on people's desires, as it is complicated enough of a topic as is AND I know I have strange biases and/or know some subtleties may go over my head given I'm aroace. But yes, it is a continuation of that understanding of the character (not even returning on the fact that I don't think Ganondorf needs redemption as much as Hyrule needs accountability).
I think what bothers me, in both canon and fanon (and in spite of Wind Waker), is that there is a latent denial that he is a character that is capable of depth and vulnerability without tearing agency away from him, if that makes sense? And it often lives, at least in my opinion, in the negation of his relationship to his own people. That maybe he doesn't need the hylian heroes to come and "teach him" the meaning of love and forgiveness, and/or reveal he was always incapable of either; shouldn't he have gotten plenty of opportunities to explore that very topic among his own people, on his own terms?
#asks#ganondorf#zelda fandom critical#link#zelda#thanks for the ask!!#again not an attack on anyone etc everyone does whatever forever#and I am genuinely really interested in these three's relationship and how weird and special and convoluted it is#but Yea#again it's also a very Fandom thing to do#and it's not even particularly bad or anything#but it is interesting to notice
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you guys are so funnyyyyyy, i hope i never become "normal" and not "disgusting" so that i can keep upsetting people by shipping controversial ships, because really, what am i doing other than existing? worst case scenario youre right, and i do have personal issues and i am working through it/comforting myself through fiction, right? what is so wrong with that? I havent hurt and wont hurt a damn soul by shipping "weird" fictional couples.
#morality police#travis x laura#so many of my fav pairings are hated so yeah i am used to it but seeing ppl encourage censorship on AO3 of all places is just ironic af#critiques are: that they didnt interact that much. lmao where is your imagination then (i think they had the MOST interesting scenes)#the age gap is too big: irl yes there would be complications and questions of intention and morality. BUT THEY ARENT REAL GUYS#i find older men attractive so its part of why i like him. rather than an issue. im entitled to be attracted to anyone of a legal age.#he locked her up for months/power imbalance: yes tht is true but again thats why i like it. watching them overcome issues is thrilling#oh and that we are all teenagers (am not) that we are psychos (definitely not) tht we are sicko/fangirls (ok well tht ones true)#but i know there is no convincing anyone that is small minded and judgmental. u dont have to like it too but why are you casting aspersions#and yeah im late cuz i waited to buy the game. i wouldve been here in the trenches defending any of you guys tht was getting attacked
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my drowned rat son<3
am i the only one who imagines him with an undercut and sharp cheekbones? ok then
#people being surprised that he's 19 so he looks older than he is#scratches on his neck from panic attacks :((#renee's necklace#and sharp features that almost makes him look sick and weak but he's like packin#this is almost exactly what i imagined as i read the sunshine court#just a scrawny sopping wet cat of a european teenager being roped into american shenanigans against his will#anyway if anyone touches him ever again i am rioting#nora please be gentle with your characters now ToT#let them be happy#jean moreau#nora sakavic#the sunshine court#my art#all for the game#aftg
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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Okay quick and messy I Struggle With Left/Right Object Permanence When You Flip A Fucking Image Apparently Alfonse ref:
"FUCK CANON" until I have the opportunity to clown on him for having a cutting board ass. Flat Ass Alfonse Truther, he's too powerful, he needs to be nerfed somehow
It's him!!! The bane of my existence as an artist 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💘💖💝💗💕💓💕💗💞💖💕💝💗💖💝💕💝💞💗💖💖💞💝💗💖💖💞💝💗💘💗💖💞💓🥲💘💖💞💖
#feh#so what does this mean for what i was doing. well! do it over.#i am having SUCH a time though like i can't even lie. an excuse to draw him over and over and over again??? like i need one LMFAOO#BUT. I FEEL. VERY ENRICHED RN.#does anyone wanna play Look At Alfonse Fire Emblem With Me (FORCING YOU. AT GUNPOINT)#fe alfonse#my art#also! you can see it a bit (the way he wields his weapons/the scabbard placement) in his attack art!#but like. again. i am struggling so much w this. i always do LMFAOOOOO#I GET CONFUSED AND LOSE MY PLACE SO EASILY........ 🧍
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experiencing any level of joint pain for longer than a day or two has only reinforced my belief that ppl with chronic pain are actually the strongest motherfuckers on the goddamn planet
#marzi speaks#hi. my knees r still kinda fucked up. at some point a few days ago i hyperextended my elbows#so now those have been hurting#my traps r fucked bc i’ve been stressed and those are prone to holding tension in me#my knee pain made me walk wrong for a little bit so now i’m trying to fix that to alleviate the foot and ankle pain#oh yeah. my thumb is still tender for some reason despite the tendonitis having been healed as well#the only part of my body that hasn’t betrayed me as of yet is my spine and pelvis#i am so sick of moving and having it hurt#and like i can go about my day n shit. and have a good time#but it is always there and it is fucking annoyingggg#and ppl with chronic pain just live their whole lives like this.#and they don’t blow up and attack anyone who treats them shitty about it#and i am amazed#bc i talked to my dad abt maybe going to the doctor abt my knees to see what’s going on#bc i don’t remember injuring them at all and i don’t really feel too much improvement on a day to day#and he just gave me a stretch to do about it#now the stretch helps. but my knees still hurt. so like. what do u want from me#if i were to bring it up again he’d probably say it wasn’t a big deal. he’s seen me hobble around the house n how slow i’m moving rn#i normally run around my house. i have been walking at a pace that pisses me off bc i’m impatient#even just having like. worries that are probably exagerrated get dismissed like that has kinda made me wanna kill him a little bit#and this is something that i know is gonna heal and get better#ppl with chronic pain don’t Get That. and they are still dismissed constantly#how do you not like. murder everyone around you. the infinite patience. genuinely the strongest among us#i didn’t mean to complain in these tags as much as i did (my knees r actually doing pretty ok rn and my ankles are getting better)#but i suppose i am bitter
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Dash simulator
Blog 1: lol anyone else seeing a lot of strawberries in new recipes now? sometimes its fun but i really dont get the appeal of adding it to everything. why did you make strawberry garlic bread
Blog 2: u kno im not a fan of strawberries, i really like the rich sweet and sour notes from oranges, oranges and chocolate is such a good combo. i altered a recipe for a smoothie with oranges last week and it was soooo good ill give you my notes if you want Reblogged by: Blog 1: ahaha yesss i love chocolate and oranges
Blog 3: I canNOT believe the hate im seeing to strawberries right now, like, you know guys know the rule don't like don't bake right?? you know you can hit the back button right?? honestly what's wrong with yall
Open draft- wait guys you know there's a difference between leaving a comment on a recipe saying you hate strawberries and the recipe writer should never use them, and going to your own blog to say you don't really like strawberries, without naming any specific people or recipes right? you know there's a difference right?? - Save - Post - Discard
Draft discarded
Blog 4: why is everyone jumping on the strawberry hate train right now. what is wrong with you. Reblogged by: Blog 5: I knowwww like guys some people stop baking because of reading things like that, please stop it, if you don't like strawberries you can be quiet about it
Open draft- im so sorry if anyone's getting sent mean messages or comments about what they're writing and baking, but i'm literally not seeing any of that and if you are, please use the block button. but someone making a post on their own blog is not that, and if you can't see the irony in you being allowed to complain on personal blogs but not them i can't help you... - save- post- discard
Draft discarded
Blog 2: are strawberries even in season?
Blog 6: woo cherry pie!
#trying so hard to be a blog 6 rn#im discarding those drafts#but clearly it has been too much for me as this one is getting posted#like i really am sorry if any. strawberry antis are directly being rude to anyone#that isnt ok#but i have seen zero of that on my dash or in the tag#i saw a few blogs saying lol they don't like strawberries#and then i saw a ton of blogs saying how dare there be any negativity at all#and seeming to act as if those blog posts were specifically about disliked fic authors i mean recipe makers#which... if any of them were... i didn't see it because of how i blocked large swaths of the fandom like three years ago#when i realized that it was determined to blow up a discourse topic every single month#and if there are people doing that. please. do what i did. block en mass#if you open a recipe that turns out to have strawberries in it and you cant hit the back button but instead leave a nasty comment that is a#you problem#but also if you see a random blog post about someone saying they dislike strawberries- hate strawberries even- and you feel personally#attacked and start crying about how now you never want to bake a strawberry shortcake again and they're so mean#that is also. a you problem.#'what fandom is this pocket' dont worry about it#not one i have any mutuals in#which. considering the mass blocking and the annoying chronic discourse explosions. perhaps is not surprising
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I truly hate "Why aren't you posting about THIS" posts, because the majority of the time I think people genuinely just aren't aware of the issue, and in any case it's impossible to post about every single Bad Thing happening in the world, and we would make ourselves crazy trying. I truly don't think anyone is obligated to post about any particular thing, ever.
With that said, I'm not naive enough to think people are somehow unaware of what's currently a major national news story. And I'm also very, very aware that if nearly 1,000 Jews had been murdered in any other circumstances, I would be seeing posts expressing heartbreak and solidarity and support for the Jewish people. Hell, I'd probably be seeing it if a tenth of that number had been killed.
Provided, of course, the culprit was politically convenient.
But these Jews, you've been told, were ~evil colonialist oppressors~. The murder of these Jews isn't a tragedy, it's a form of progressive activism. It doesn't matter that they were unarmed civilians. It doesn't matter if they were children or the elderly. Their deaths are justified, and to even express any sympathy or condolence is to have your leftist credentials questioned.
I understand. Truly, I do. It's hard to speak up when you might get painted as the villain for doing so. I blame no one, and like I said, no particular person is obligated to say anything. But the collective silence is very, very noticeable, where I know that silence wouldn't be there under different circumstances.
This is why I don’t trust the community on tumblr when they claim to care about Jewish people. They'll happily join in to fight right-wing antisemitism, and I'll happily take that allyship. They'll even call out leftist antisemitism, to a point. But when it's just too controversial, they won't speak up for the mass murder of Jews on a scale that surpasseses literally any other event in recent history.
As Jews we notice that, and it does not make us feel safe. And we'll remember it next time there's a convenient talking point and you tell us all you've got our backs. Forgive me if it will ring a bit hollow.
#again to my lovely followers and mutuals this is NOT an attack against any of you#I am not angry at anyone personally I'm just sad#also needless to say the deaths of the innocent Palestinian civilians are ALSO a tragedy#but I don't think the tumblr crowd needs to be convinced of that#whereas when it's Israeli Jews being murdered apparently you do#antisemitism#real life#important#politics#jews and judaism#israel#palestine
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Okay but fr I hope Dan and Phil don’t feel pressured to actually do a 25-day gamingmas bc that’s like. SO much work for them. They don’t need to upload every day leading up to Christmas. They can just do like 5 days or a week, but even then they don’t need to do that, that’s just if they wanna do some sort of gamingmas-type thing
I just want them to take care of themselves and not burn themselves out 😭
#dan and phil#dan and phil games#dapg#idk feel free to reblog this I guess??#I mean I know I’ve seen some people excited for gamingmas and all that and I can’t tell if they actually mean like#they want daily uploads until Christmas or what?#or if they just want something like gamingmas but not necessarily every goddamn day#I just remember them mentioning that like gamingmas could be a LOT on them#and I don’t want them to feel like they gotta do that again 😭#I’m just happy the channel’s back tbh I have no expectations#I just feel like I haven’t seen this sentiment?#but then again I’m not like super active in the community/fanbase so idk if that’s why I haven’t seen other people expressing this#and I’m not attacking anyone btw!!!! you’re all totally valid to be excited ;v;#I just am Concerned about the boys eosnridbiwjd
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Jazzy VS Colored Text
Hello! I am making this post just as a update for me/my blogs.
Later today I’ll be adding these banners to all my blogs pinned posts:
If you are interacting with ME or MY blogs in specific, please refrain from using large amounts of colored text.
I have a reading disorder as it is and colored text on white backgrounds just makes it worse for me to read. It strains my eyes and it’s just difficult all together for me.
This is a example of colored text for reference. I’m being nice and not using yellow
This is not a attack on anyone or anything. I am not telling you how to run your blogs. All I ask that is if you are interacting with ME or MY blogs in specific, that you refrain from using large amounts of colored text.
I don’t mind one or two words here and there. But prolonged sentences or paragraphs are just.. difficult for me to read!
So please if you are interacting with ME in specific, please refrain!
I want to be able to read what is being said and not have to copy/paste it into another program just to be able to read it. Or not have to stare at it and strain my eyes just to comprehend it.
Thank you for your time! Have a lovely day otherwise!
#I CAN read colored text if I strain and stare hard enough.. but I’m not gonna do that OTL sorry#again this ISNT A ATTACK ON ANYONE this is SO ENTIRELY PERSONAL TO ME IN SPECIFIC!!!#ooc#mod jazzy#important#update#I didn’t wanna have to make it a thing but it’s becoming!! popular in the community#and my poor eyes. please#this is very personal and I’m not telling anyone how to run a blog or do anything#just like. please if ur gonna talk to me or do long interactions I am beggin#colored text on pure white backgrounds will be the death of me in specific I stg
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forcing myself to "eat protein" and "be responsible" after once again encountering a week long period of all my muscles hurt so bad and are so weak despite doing the same thing they always do assuming without checking that it was probably because im eating mostly coffee and plain untoasted bread in small quantities. and its not even a whey bread or 100% whole wheat, ive been trying to use up my bread flour/whole wheat blend (i dumped them in the bucket together, maybe on accident ? unclear) so its just that with whatever else i threw in. spent $6 on the only yogurt in the store that had at least 5 grams of protein per 1/4 cup, which is still very little, only to get home and finally google what the symptoms of protein deficiency are. they are not that. those are the symptoms of Who Fucking Knows, As Always
#i dont even like yogurt...#god the food situation is so bad#so it turns out i can do one of the following--but badly and it takes more than 100% of my energy and is miserable and untenable long term#and involves injuring myself to do it: school. work. taking care of stuff around the house. taking care of myself.#i can do ONE.#i also dont get to pick because obviously i have to work#so feeding myself (even like making a bowl of cereal or eating a granola bar) is so impossibly difficult that i can only really do it#at night when high and finally able to feel hunger#and even then its still incredibly difficult and i usually get as far as cutting a slice of bread and then giving up and eating it plain#most of the actual meals i eat are because my roommates are usually kind enough to make enough dinner for 3#but i also have very weird and frequently changing dietary needs that i have not communicated 2 anyone so i cant necessarily actually eat i#have cooked some and made sandwiches a few times but its very clear i am borrowing from tomorrows spoons....#i ran out of the ensure a bit ago and i will get more although none of the stores nearby sell it#but i absolutely cannot afford to live off it#have luckily found that if i just drink one in the morning it staves off the majority of the nonstop random nausea attacks#so a 12 pack would last a lot longer but then its like. so now i need to figure out the eating thing again#cant win etc etc#augh. anyway. complaining over#disordered eating#chronic illness
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