#and afterward I was like what do you wanna do 😊 should we see a movie 😊 should we go out ���

[pangur-and-grim]

one thing that took me embarrassingly long to learn is "sometimes when people say things, they will not be true."

I used to tell people about this revelation and they'd be like yeah.....duh.....but like, why wouldn't my base assumption be that you're communicating to me in a straightforward manner. anyway, I get scammed a lot.

[andreafmn]

Running in Circles | Chapter 9

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss, and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

A/N: can't believe it's been over a year since I updated this story. It was one of the first I ever posted but quickly got disheartened by it as I tried to follow the show's timeline (which is non-existent, honestly). I'm trying to get through season 6 as fast as I can because I've already written chapters for afterward, but I need to tie it into the show. Honestly considered putting the story on hold but I got the chapter done 😊😊 Also need to go back and edit this story, especially regarding the POV

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As if by divine intervention, (Y/N)’s phone started ringing. The vibrations matched the fluttering of her heart as she prayed that Hotch could have been thinking about her at that moment as well. Maybe then she could trick herself into believing that fate was playing its cards right.

“Hey, baby girl.”

“Derek,” she sighed quietly, trying her best not to voice her disappointment. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

“You mind some company for tonight? I got a bottle of whiskey with our names on it.”

“Know what? After the day we just had, sure.” She looked down at the pan of lasagna and decided if she couldn’t enjoy it with Hotch, she’d enjoy it with a friend. “I’ve got some lasagna going in the oven we can eat.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes.”

After the phone clicked, she decided the most prudent thing would be to send Hotchner a text message thanking him for the food and saying she’d update him on everything tomorrow. After everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, she needed a moment of calm and clarity. A moment with certainty rather than mixed signals and stolen glances. She just needed a moment to breathe.

As any evidence of the day shed from her skin in the shower, a loud knock rang through the house. She quickly stepped out of her bathroom and slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie before she ran down the stairs to be met with Derek already inside the kitchen, digging a fork into the piping hot lasagna, with Spencer staring at our friend as he ate like a maniac.

“You know, if you let it cool down a bit, you can savor the taste,” Reid chuckled.

“I know,” he spoke with a full mouth. “But I wanna get drunk tonight, and I won’t do it on an empty stomach.”

“There’s some garlic bread in the toaster oven if you need something that will soak up the alcohol,” (Y/N) laughed as her two friends came into view in her kitchen. “And it’s good to see you’re putting those emergency keys to good use.”

“Sorry, (Y/N),” Spencer responded quickly. “Derek said you wouldn’t mind. We waited five minutes outside.”

“It’s fine, Reid. But you could’ve checked who was at the door.”

“Well, I didn’t want to overstep,” he shrugged. “It’s not my house after all.”

“Good to know you have boundaries, Reid,” she chuckled. “Not that they stopped either of you from letting yourselves in.”

Derek only grumbled in response, too focused on serving the plates and stuffing his mouth. (Y/N) headed to the front door, unsure of who else could have decided to drop by. And though a part of her wanted it to be Hotchner, she knew better than to live in that delusion. He was back in his home with his son, while she had a house full of friends and him on her mind.

“‘Em,” the woman smiled as she opened the door. “Derek invite you too?”

“As a matter of fact, he did. But I’m guessing he didn’t tell you I was coming over.”

“I’m just glad you didn’t use your emergency key as freely as those two boys.”

“Well, you did say we should feel at home,” Morgan grinned. “I’m just doing what you told me to.”

“First time you follow the rules, Morgan,” Emily teased. “Although I’d rather you guys break into (Y/N)’s house than mine.”

“Geez, thanks, Em,” she chuckled. “You’re lucky there’s enough food and booze to go around. But don’t go too crazy. We still have work tomorrow.”

“As if you’d ever let us go hungry,” Emily laughed. “Your Italian blood would never let you.”

“All I need to know is if there’s anyone else that will show up out of the blue.”

“Not that I know of,” Derek shrugged. “Now open up that bottle, I’m thirsty.”

By the time midnight rolled around, Emily and Derek had gone back home. They had eaten enough and drank enough the exhaustion was making their eyelids flutter. And all of them knew that the longer they stayed, the harder it would be to make it back to their homes. Only Spencer was left, curled up on the sofa, still nursing the same glass of whiskey from the start of the night. His eyes were squeezed shut, a hand over them blocking the overhead light.

“You okay, Spence?” (Y/N) asked as she sat by his head, resting it gently onto her lap. She ran her fingers through his curls, massaging his scalp softly. “You got a migraine?”

“Something like that,” he sighed. “They’ve been going on for a bit, but lately, they’ve been worse. The pain is unbelievable, and it makes me sensitive to everything around me.”

“Have you gone to a doctor? This could be something serious, Spence,” she worried. “I have a friend that might be able to squeeze you in. She’s a neurologist and…”

“I’ve got it handled, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I made an appointment for later in the week. I just have to power through the remaining days with sunglasses and pills.”

As soon as he mentioned the pain, a question popped into (Y/N)’s head that she did not want to ask. It was composed of words that could only bring back horrors from his past and the mistakes he was still paying for to that day. The last thing she wanted was to resurface that horrible period, but she had to know. For his sake, she just had to.

“I haven’t taken Dilaudid,” he said before she could speak. “It hasn’t even crossed my mind.”

“How did you…?”

“You were thinking too loud,” he responded as he grinned slightly, his eyes still closed. “And you’re the only one that still asks.”

“I’m sorry, Spence. I don’t mean to be so pushy, she sighed as she stared at the way her fingers ran through the brown of his hair. “If you don’t want time to ask, just…”

“No. I’m grateful that you do.” His free hand searched for hers, squeezing it softly as he enjoyed the warmth of her skin. “I sometimes feel that the team goes out of their way to pretend that part of my life didn’t happen or that it could never happen again. But it did, and it could. Still, I know I can always count on you to look after me, (Y/N). Even if I’m a couple of years older than you, you always find a way to take care of me.”

“And I always will, Reid. You’re a part of my family, and I take care of my family,” she responded softly. “Do you wanna stay here tonight? If it’s too bad, I don’t want you driving out there in the dark.”

“Honestly? Yeah,” Spencer breathed. “I don’t think I could make it home right now.”

“Alright, then. Why don’t you head on up and take a shower while I prepare you some tea and get you a cold compress for your head?” (Y/N) instructed. “You can take any of the sweats from the guest room, and I’ll fetch you some migraine pills so you can hopefully get some shut-eye tonight.”

“Thanks, Rossi,” the man smiled, finally allowing his eyes to open, finding that she had dimmed all the lights. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“And you’ll never have to find out,” she smiled. “Now, go on upstairs, and I’ll get started on the tea.”

“Fine,” he jokingly whined. “And can you not tell anyone else? I don’t want them worrying about me.”

“I won’t. Just, please keep me updated.”

“Copy that.”

As he disappeared to the second floor, (Y/N) couldn’t help but worry about her friend. Spencer had gone through things that were unimaginable. And though he came out of them with his life, they had slowly started to eat away at him. She knew firsthand just how debilitating anxiety could be to someone’s body, and it concerned her that he was downplaying his symptoms.

She set her kettle to boil as she searched for her own mixture of sleepy-time tea—chamomile, lemongrass, peppermint, and lavender. From her cupboard, she pulled out the purple and blue mug Spencer had always used since he had claimed it was able to keep his tea warm enough to sip slowly. Because apparently it had always been a big concern of his. After placing the tea infuser into the mug, she drizzled a few circles of honey to the bottom and a sprinkle of cinnamon. And once the kettle beeped, she drowned the leaves and the honey in boiling water.

(Y/N) could hear the shower running upstairs as she let the tea seep into the water, and all she could do was worry. Granted, it was something she did every single day of her life. She worried about her father spending all his time in books and his work and not enough on his personal life. She worried about little Jack having to grow up without his mother and a dad who didn’t quite believe he could do a good job as a father. She worried about Hotch, about what he did or didn’t feel. She worried about the team every time they went out on a case. And most importantly, she worried about herself and how she would ever live up to the people around her. Now, she added Spencer’s migraines to the list. If she ever made it to old age without a heart attack, she would have been very surprised.

Walking up the stairs with the mug and the pills, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She balanced the mug on the flat handrail and pulled out the device to see Hotchner’s name lighting up the screen. Her heart hammered against her chest, making her hands tremble with nerves. It was just a phone call., she told herself. He was probably only calling to thank her again.

“Hotch,” she breathed, her voice croaking more than she intended. “Hey.”

“Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No!” she answered quickly. “I was just heading up the stairs. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, you don’t need to worry,” he assured. “It’s just that Jack wanted to say goodnight and thank you.”

“Isn’t it a bit late for him to be up?” (Y/N) smiled. “I mean, it is still a school night.”

“I caved,” Hotch chuckled. She could hear the exhaustion still present in his voice, and all she wanted to do was help him. It was all she could do. To him, she’d always be just a friend, a coworker, his colleague’s daughter. “Please don’t hold it against me.”

“I could never,” the woman laughed. “I would have probably caved too.”

“Well, then, I’ll put you on.”

(Y/N) heard scuffling from the receiver before Jack’s voice came through. “Hi, (Y/N),” he said. “I wanted to say goodnight since we couldn’t say goodbye to you. I had a lot of fun this weekend.”

“Aw, buddy, I’m glad,” she cooed. “I loved having you over. You know you’re welcome any time.”

“Thank you, (Y/N)!” he beamed. “But I gotta go to bed now. I have school tomorrow. So, goodnight!”

“Good night, Jack,” she responded. “Now, why don’t you pass the phone back to your dad.”

“Alright. Bye bye!”

“Bye, Jack,” she chuckled. “I think that kid should be heading off to bed now, Hotch.”

“He is,” Hotchner answered. “I knew he’d want to after saying good night to you. I think my son likes you more than he likes me.”

“Oh, that’s nonsense, Hotch. He only likes that I’m all fun. But he loves you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I’ve been saying that a lot lately.”

“Even when you don’t have to,” the woman sighed contentedly. “Now, go on. You have to sleep too. It’s not just Jack that is up past his bedtime.”

“Very funny, (Y/N). Good night.”

“Night, Hotch.”

(Y/N)’s chest wrenched as her heart accelerated, already wishing the days before could repeat themselves so she could wake and know that he was there. But there was no point in deluding herself. The man could not and would not ever see her as anything more than what she already was. Even their job would allow it. Nothing seemed to ever align for something between them to work.

She turned to the left once she reached the top of the stairs and headed to the guest room to leave the steaming mug for Spencer to find after his shower but found him already sitting on the bed drying his hair. “Was that Hotch on the phone?” She nodded in response. “You didn’t tell him about what’s going on with me, right?”

“Of course not, Spence,” she said in a low tone as she set the mug on the nightstand. “It’s not my information to divulge. Unless it becomes life-threatening, I won’t say a thing without your permission.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she smiled, handing him the pills. “Anything.”

“What do you think these migraines could be?” The pain behind his eyes was more than visible, it was almost palpable. “I just… what if it’s something serious, (Y/N)?”

“Serious like what, Spence?”

“What if I’m starting to lose my mind?” His voice was frail, trembling at the terrifying thought. “You know, my mom…”

“Don’t go there, Spencer. You can’t go there,” the woman insisted. “We won’t speculate until you have an answer from the doctor. So, I’m begging you, don’t go there.”

“I can’t help it, (Y/N). Either there’s something seriously physically wrong with me, or it’s all psychosomatic. Neither is a good option.”

“I know, Spence. I know. But let’s just not jump to conclusions yet. Not until you’ve gone to the doctor, and we get some type of answer. Until then, I don’t want you to think of the worst-case scenario. It’s not gonna do you any good.”

“Fine,” he sighed as his shoulders slumped forward. “Can I ask you something else? Something that is so off-topic you’ll get whiplash.”

“Go ahead, Reid,” she chuckled softly.

“Do you still have feelings for Hotch?”

The question as innocent, no ill-will behind it. But it still made (Y/N)’s breath hitch in her throat. It had been a long time since any of the people they knew mentioned her less-than-secret infatuation with the unit chief, and it made her heart race like the first time he had confronted her about it. “Yeah,” she muttered. “It’s not something that’s going away any time soon.”

“Have you ever thought of dating someone else? It might help you get over him.”

“I might not be ready for that just yet,” she sighed. “I just can’t seem to stop holding onto hope.”

“I understand. Love… it’s hard, huh?”

“It’s one thing we can’t learn from all the books we read,” she smiled sadly. “But that’s enough talk. The pills should start to work soon, and you need to sleep.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he smiled as he got under the covers. “Thank you for caring.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that, Spence. Again, you’re family,” she grinned. “I’ll see you in the morning, alright?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Good night, Reid.”

The rest of the night, Spencer’s words floated in her head. She could open her dating pool and allow herself a little venture. Hotch wasn’t waiting for her, nor had he shown a smidge of real interest in her. Holding onto him only hurt her in the long run, making it harder for anyone else who wanted to take the place he did not want. But she couldn’t. Not now. Not just yet.

After a couple of days and a two-night case all the way in Miami, Spencer asked (Y/N) to accompany him to the doctor for the reading of his test results. He was jumpier than usual, his legs bouncing at a rapid speed as they waited for his name to be called. He figured with his fingers, picking at the skin on the corners until she placed her hand on top.

“You won’t have any skin left for our next case,” she chuckled. “Don’t start jumping to conclusions, Mr. Genius.”

“I can’t help it,” he worried. “It’s all I can do. I can’t just shut off my brain.”

“Then, tell me something. Something I might not know.”

“Easier said than done,” he snorted. “You know almost as much as I do.”

“Ah, you said almost as much. So, you believe there are things that you know that I don’t.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “Did you know that rubber bands last longer if they’re kept in the fridge? The unusual, lightly cross-linked polymer structure of the rubber used to create them react to the cold differently to what people might expect…”

“Right, the chains heat up when stretched, technically shortening them causing the rubber to contract and eventually snapping at the exothermic change,” she mused. “Cooling them would allow for a bigger stretch and life longevity because the release of energy is slower. Nice fact.”

“See, it’s not as fun with you,” he said with a soft chuckle. “The team would have been asking why I would care about rubber bands. You? You go into a simple explanation of thermodynamics.”

“Well, I ask you for a fun fact. I never said I wouldn’t analyze it.”

As Spencer was about to retort, a nurse came out to call his name, telling him the doctor would see him. He got up onto his feet, smoothing down his pants and taking a steadying breath. But he didn’t seem to do more.

“Do you want me to go with you?” (Y/N) quickly offered.

She was met with a soft smile and a gentle nod before they both headed into the office where Spencer’s worst-case scenario unfolded. The doctor told him there was nothing he could see that was physically wrong with him, the scans and the lab work all came back negative. If there was something happening, it was most likely in his head.

Those were the news Spencer did not want. They terrified him, and he let the doctor know. In his own way. “It’s not—I’m not crazy.”

“Crazy? Dr. Reid, I’m not saying…”

“I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light. Because there’s something wrong with me,” he asserted, his words spilling out faster than he could hold them. “Physically, not mentally. It’s not that.”

“That?”

“Listen, doctor, my mother’s a paranoid schizophrenic who’s been institutionalized. So I know very well what mental illness looks like,” Spencer continued. “Maybe even better than you, and it’s not that. It’s not.”

“Reid,” (Y/N) called as the man got up from the exam table and left the doctor with a shocked expression on his face. “I am so sorry, doctor. This topic is just… it’s a little hard for him.”

“There’s not much you can do to help someone who doesn’t want to accept their reality,” the doctor sighed softly. “Can you just see that he finds a way to manage his stress and his emotions? I truly believe this might be one of the biggest reasons for these headaches.”

“I’ll try my best, doctor,” (Y/N) smiled. “Thank you for seeing him.”

“No problem.”

She found Spencer waiting for her in the hall, his sunglasses on his eyes and his arms crossed in front of his chest. They remained in silence until they reached her car, the doctor’s pout evident on his face. She knew he was annoyed she had apologized for his behavior, but she couldn’t leave without at least giving a reason for his outburst.

“It’s not psychosomatic,” he stated. “It just can’t be.”

“Spence, we have one of the most stressful jobs on the planet. Day in and day out we see cases that astound even the most seasoned officers. And we get into the minds of the people that commit these atrocities,” she offered. “Don’t you think there is a possibility that these migraines are your body’s way of telling you that you need to balance yourself out?”

“If it was really the job like you say, all of us would be getting these headaches,” he said angrily. “But I don’t see Morgan or Prentiss doubling over because their brain feels like it wants to escape their skull.”

“Everyone is different, Spence. And I know you don’t need me to tell you this. Stress presents itself differently in everyone. Just because we don’t know how they handle their burdens doesn’t mean they don’t have them,” (Y/N) continued, maintaining the same calm tone as she cooled him down. “All I am saying, Reid, is that it might be psychosomatic, and you need to find new ways to handle your stress because I am certain this is not you going crazy. Or it might be something else, and you’ll need to get a second opinion. But regardless of what the outcome is, you can’t just get angry at your doctor because you don’t like your results, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. We’ll find you a way through this, okay?”

His stance finally softened at her words. His arms fell to his sides, and a soft smile tugged at his lips. “I was kind of an ass back there,” he chuckled. “It’s just frustrating and terrifying all the same time, and I don’t know how to process it all.”

“We take it one day at a time, Reid,” she smiled, taking a hand of his in hers. “You’re not alone in this.”

“It’s sometimes hard to remember that you’re you get than me,” he snickered. “I’m pretty sure you’ve babied everyone on the team at some point.”

“What can I say?” she laughed. “I just wanna make sure every single one of you is okay.”

And that was one thing she knew she would do for as long as they would let her. For now, her main concern was Spencer’s well-being. And she was grateful that it was enough to keep Hotchner out of her head.

Next ->

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[rin-and-jade]

(//Note from further down, this ended up being some sort of a reflective post almost, uh jeez... but uhh here we go?//)

Heya,

Do you have anything of/on system infighting? //Actually, do you know any good methods on spotting subconsious mindsets/mentalities and how to undo/unlearn them? I think that'd be more helpful//.

We're really struggling with being functional together in our system recently, as all of us want/need different things that conflict with eachother.

.....

.....

.....

Ex.

I had a fellow alter who really wanted to post about some of our story on the Internet, as a way to cope/process/handle their anger and frustration/resentment/bitterness about the unfairness of being abused and noone helping us(/them).

And then I had another alter, that... for some reason was resisting it and basically tried to ignore them and didn't wanna cooperate with the other (1st mentioned) alter. I don't know exactly why they did that, and I'm struggling as to how I'm supposed to handle this infighting.

Who's side am I supposed to take? Do I even take a side? Taking a side... feels wrong somehow, like.. This whole mentality of deciding Who's wrong or right and who deserves this or that.. feels... gross? Wrong, disgusting? And I don't know why?

I guess it's all I've ever known/been taught??

Idk,,, let me try talking a bit about our/my mentality? Maybe that'll help us figuring stuff out.... here goes..

Our mentality:

Our mentality when it comes to these decision about our different needs is very much focused on who gets to be "The right one ✅️" and who gets to be "The black sheep ⬛️🐑".

Basically who gets to become the victor and gets their needs met, and who gets to be the loser who's wrong - and don't get to have their needs met,

So it's a constant battle.(?) For/where all alters in a "fight" basically have to prove they are right (/ Deserving of having their needs met).

So essentially what happens is one ends up getting assigned the golden child role and gets their needs met, where the other gets assigned the black sheep role and doesn't get their needs met + occasionally gets shamed for being "in the wrong".

It's a very black and white sort of thinking about an argument.

The effect this has:

is that the announced "Golden child" will feel a sense of superiority over the other alter, and the announced "Black sheep" will feel resentment over the unfairness of the situation, — Since noone deserves to NOT get their needs met and it's unfair to pit people (Alters) against eachother in this sort of way, and creates a really unhealthy not to mention immoral situation/dynamic.

...

...

...

Huh... this was a very enlightening way of explaining it/putting light to what's been happening behind the scenes........ huh/ohh. .. ...

Reflections:

I'm trying to see what(/WHO) "matters more". Comparison...... What I'm doing is comparing the two alters and then deciding on their worth based on their argument. AND afterwards deciding who gets their needs met versus who doesn't also based on their argument. Yikes. That's.. not a healthy way to go about this, huh.....

So essentially what I could try to do here is figure out a way in which I don't weigh their value based on argument where they (alters) basically have to fight for their life in a weird, crazed sort of fucked up way. Just to get their needs met......

So I could start with...

- All alters deserve to get their needs met. -Nobody should have to fight to get their needs met. - Noone is better or worse than anyone else. Everyone is equal. And should thus be treated fairly and equally. - And trying to reflect/notice this mindset more, if I (/we) can.

I guess we still have a lot of unhealthy mentality we didn't know about to unlearn here. Welp, nothing else to do except get to work, I suppose... :shrug:

This became kind-of more it's own post rather than an ask with questions, (I tried to include/add some in the beginning so you had something to go off of! 😊). Upsie. Sorry to dump that on ya, uhh put I hope it's okay maybe someone else will get some use out of our Reflections...? I hope so at least 😅..

Goodbye 👋 thxnks for listening? :) ❤️ /slightly confused on how I ended up here myself/ 😅. Buuuut uhh hi! :) and bye! :) ?

— 🍃🍂❤️✨️❄️🌙⭐️💫🌌🌨☁️

Yes! I have dealt with countless in-sys fighting, i remember my first years of my own parts never ever capable of settling an answer without any violence..? And have yet to learn communal and cooperative methods not long ago.

--

What i found from your example:

Needing to take a side? Doesn't that sounded like an ultimatum or black and white? Answers doesn't have to be "Absolute" as in, considering if all people are good, or if all people are bad. EVERYTHING has a pro and a con, sometimes multiple.

That being said, instead of trying to pick an option out, what answer would you came up with if you combine both sides? This answer would still be somewhere along the lines of posting experiences whilst also being anonymous (considering if the other disagreed due to sensitive information)

If it were to be a different reason, like being uncomfortable with the idea, it would be worth asking deeper on how to cater its own limitations. If it's not backing down, then its very important to explain to the first alter who wants to express its own struggles to cope, to find another media,, and see if the other one also agreed to.

Conclusion: when it comes to these situations, you're meant to do trial and error (well, i didn't like being the middle person, its preferable if they can do the discussion themselves whenever possible) , and figure out how to create a situation where both parties are satisfied.

--

My observation of your mentality:

Ah-- make sense actually-..

It seems like there had always been a power struggle between who's need should be met, which can be seen in horrible parental dynamics (im sorry if you felt this way).

Here's something easy to comprehend; what if you just abolish the whole winner and loser idea? What if i can help you find a way to accept that everyone deserves their own needs to be met without the dynamic struggle? Taking turns in queues are a thing, though it's just one of my examples.

The relation to the effect you just realized:

Exactly... the fight seems to be the one to perpetuate this superior-inferior hierarchy. Which in return fuels more violence and aggression to just get what a person needs. Its possible to unlearn this, first step is understanding that less hurtful ways would create less hurt, and more cooperation instead. You might also have silently learnt how to suppress your other needs, make sure to address this one too if i guessed that right.

--

Comments on your reflection:

Mhm, good! I can atleast affirm that you're in the right path. Please take note that some may still be blinded by aggression (subconscious ways to get their needs met), that being said, it is a good idea to wake everyone up from their own automatic response in order to fully unravel and unlearn this negative mindset.

People need another person to string their jumbled thoughts into coherent paragraphs sometimes, which this alone had gave you many insights before i could have the chance to chime in.

Feel free to come back and talk again--as well as others who need this kind of interaction, my asks have no limits to what you can talk about y'know?

Goodluck, and have a darn great timezone whenever you are.

- c

[shirebarbie]

[Yelena Belova x reader] Never Have I Ever

Author’s note: here I am again, not knowing what I’m doing. if anyone actually likes this, pls let me know :’)

Summary: you and Yelena get a little carried away while playing a drinking game in your bedroom. (warning: alcohol consumption)

___

It was Friday evening and you were finally just relaxing in your room after a long day of training in the Avengers compound. Sure, you loved working there and the whole saving-the-world thing was pretty cool, but sometimes you desperately craved a bit of peace and quiet, even boredom. While half the team was out and about, probably clubbing somewhere, you were lying in bed and pondering what you could do.

Baking took too much energy and time, and cleaning up afterwards was the worst. Off the top of your head, you couldn’t think of a movie or a TV show you wanted to watch. The city was way too crowded and bustling at the time to go for a walk, and in order to play video games you would have to move to the living room instead. Everything seemed too much work, so you just switched on the TV, for starters, and began channel surfing, hoping to maybe stumble upon something that caught your eye.

Some cutesy romantic comedy was playing on one of the channels, so you put down the remote and started half-watching it as you played around on your phone. When you looked up again, you saw the two main characters play-fighting, and eventually sharing what seemed to be their first kiss. Only slightly gulping, you immediately thought of your friend Yelena. Or maybe not just a friend, but it was too scary of a thought to actually confess. Sometimes it was hard to know where you stood with her in terms of feelings. You two had met through Natasha and, even though Yelena was neither living nor working in the Avengers’ headquarters, she occasionally dropped by, and the two of you quickly became close. Sometimes almost inseparable. Every now and then she also volunteered to be your sparring partner or train with you.

“Maybe I could give her a call and see if she feels like doing something fun,” you thought and reached for your phone again. After debating whether you should give her a call or simply send a text, you settled on texting because who would answer a random phone call on Friday night.

I’m bored and desperately wanting your company.

Nope, it sounded too thirsty, you almost facepalmed.

Wanna come over and do sth fun? I’m a bit lonely and running out of ideas for what to do

There it was, you thought, that sounded alright. It’s barely been a few minutes when you got a reply from the blonde assassin.

Be there in a few

Bringing booze 😊

That was very Yelena. You chuckled to yourself and started tidying up the room a bit and making yourself look at least semi-presentable. Soon enough there was a sharp knock on your bedroom door.

“How did you get past the main entrance security? I thought you’d call me when you got downstairs so I can clear the protocols and open the door for you,” you asked in disbelief as Yelena got in and plopped on your bed.

“I’m happy to see you too,” she retorted in her typical fashion. “You really think a little security is a problem for me to handle?” she asked you with a dry chuckle. “I thought you’d know me better by now.”

“Dumbass,” rolling your eyes affectionately you said, “but if you got me in trouble with the rest of the team and staff, I’m gonna kill you.”

Yelena batted her eyelashes innocently, “we both know I’m too cute for you to be able to do that.”

“Sure, whatever you say, Belova.”

“Aren’t you gonna ask which drink I brought for our little party of two?” the blonde raised a dark eyebrow at you with a mischievous smile.

“Why is something telling me that it’s vodka?” you sighed. Sometimes you believed you knew her better than she even thought you did.

“Maybe you do know me after all, (your_last_name),” Yelena muttered. “Anyway, we need shot glasses, stat.”

“Whatever you wish, Your Highness,” you mock bowed at her when you got up to go to the kitchen and search through the glassware. You managed to find two little glasses, but you were still hoping that you wouldn’t get too drunk – who knew what feelings and confessions could come out if you got a little liquid courage? It seemed to be only you and Yelena on that floor, and everything suddenly seemed possible. And scary.

“Here are your glasses, boss,” you strolled into the room where Yelena was still comfortable on the edge of your bed. When she smiled at you, it felt like your heart grew bigger in size all of a sudden. “So, you wanna just drink and do nothing else, or did you have another idea in mind?”

“Actually,” Yelena began, and you immediately knew you were in for a ride – she had plethora of crazy ideas, “maybe we could play a drinking game. Like they do in all those movies.”

“Who am I to take away a drinking game experience from you?” you joked, finding her childishness so endearing sometimes. It must have been hard having a childhood like she had.

“Now that’s what I like to hear!” Yelena exclaimed, twisting the cap on the bottle and pouring you two a shot each. “Can we do ‘never have I ever’? That seems easy enough.” You simply nodded and made yourself comfortable on the bed again, sitting cross-legged right across your friend, or crush, but still close enough.

“You have the honors of going first,” you gestured to her. “Let’s just not drink the whole shot when we answer, though. I don’t wanna die.”

“As if you could have that many fun experiences to drink after each question…” Yelena mused, but you knew she meant well. She just liked joking around with you.

“Okay,” she clapped excitedly, making your heart skip a beat, “I’ll start, then. Never have I ever done a hair dye prank on somebody.”

Both of you took a sip of your drink.

“Do I even wanna know?” you asked Yelena cautiously.

“I’ll just say that the red never washed out of Nat’s hair properly, so she just went with it.” Yelena giggled joyfully. “But how about you?”

“Imagine the Winter Soldier with green hair. My life almost flashed before my eyes when he realized what had happened, but I couldn’t back out of that bet with Sam.”

“Never have I ever,” you began, “laughed inappropriately in a very serious situation.” Immediately both of you took a sip again, breaking into laughter right after.

The game went on, all kinds of questions passing between you and Yelena and, over time, the more you both had to drink, the riskier questions you both asked.

“Never have I ever,” Yelena exclaimed dramatically, “had to hide more than two bodies in the same day.” She finished whatever she had left in her little glass as you sat with your mouth agape.

“What?” she argued, “it’s a part of the job.”

“Okay, okay,” you laughed. “It’s my turn again.” As you looked deeply into her mesmerizing eyes, you felt something wash over you, and you decided it was finally time to disclose some things. “Never have I ever wanted to kiss my sparring partner and friend.” The second that sentence was out of your mouth and hanging in the air between you and Yelena, you thought you’d pass out. Thankfully, you collected yourself enough to take the last sip out of the shot glass, but your heart broke a little when you noticed that Yelena wasn’t drinking. Ouch.

Whatever was written on your face, she caught on it quickly and shook her head as if to rearrange her own thoughts. “As much as I would love to take a sip for this particular question, I’m afraid we finished the whole bottle.”

Oh, okay, you thought. Maybe that wasn’t going to be such a disaster after all.

“Well, um… I-I’m glad we cleared that up then,” you stuttered, barely able to meet Yelena’s eyes for a split second.

“Think we should do something about it?” Yelena smirked as she slowly began leaning more towards you. Subconsciously you started doing the same thing. If she could be brave about it, so could you. Opting for a wordless nod of your head instead of a verbal answer, you finally closed the distance between yourself and the Russian. Her hands flew to your face almost instantly to cup your cheeks, and your arms snaked around her waist. It wasn’t a cute little innocent first kiss between two friends – it was fiery and passionate through and through. Grateful for the fact that you were technically the one who kissed her first, Yelena decided it would be her turn to initiate something, so she gently pushed you down on the bed and straddled your hips.

Your hands slid from her waist to her perfect thighs and squeezed them as she kissed you feverishly, but slowly, just taking it all in. When she pulled away, both of you were barely breathing, eyes locked with each other’s.

“As far as movie-like experiences go… this wasn’t bad at all,” she joked, now sitting up above you. You shoved her playfully and giggled a little bit, her bright smile matching your own mood.

“We should play games like this more often,” you concluded, gently pushing Yelena off of you so you could sit up again. Through a small fit of laughter, she agreed with you. “Now let’s go raid the kitchen for food and snacks. All that drinking just made me crave something unhealthy.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”