#and after losing him once I don't think she'll risk losing the friendship she got back WHICH IS SODJBDJDNDJD

[somethingsad]

Aqukana are so sweet nothing coded and HSJFKFKIFJF IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-

Ok so Kana loves Aqua as he is and really does not want anything in return from Aqua, she doesn't put him in a pedestal or idolizes him intensely. To her he's an idiot and an idiot that she has a crush on. She banters w him, calls him a gloomy narcissist, and asks him to tell her jokes. To Aqua, Kana is that window to normalcy that he has, he's just a teenager w her and he doesn't have to act or walk in eggshells w her. He shines a light on her darkest moments and she is his light. They can be who they are with each other, Kana doesn't have to hold her tongue, Aqua doesn't have to act around her. In fact when Aqua is asked by Kana if he hates her he answers "It's actually the opposite.." like sir who are you fooling🤨🤨

Edit:

Adding smth to this, Kana comes home to Aqua's sweet nothings. Aka Aqua would never demand perfection from Kana. Kana doesn't have to pressure herself to reach Aqua's expectations, she's perfect as she is.

[jpmarvel90]

Don't let me down - Part 5

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Relationship: MamaScarlett x 16 yr old Reader

Summary: Settling in, Y/n now meets Scarlett's wider family. Whilst the Johansson/Josts go support Y/n at her first game of the season.

Word count: 6071

Y/n's POV:

"Morning kiddo. You're up early." Colin greets me whilst balancing Cosmo on his shoulder. It's current 6:30am and I've been up a lot longer than that, but I'm not about to tell him that. "Yeah, I'm quite an early riser." I share, it's not a lie, but I'm not an early riser through choice. I'd happily sleep in late if I could. But my brain still thinks if I stay in too late, I'll be caught by Mr Woodstock.

It also doesn't help that today I'm meeting Scarlett's mom and siblings. Thankfully, they're not all bringing their kids. I think that would be a little too overwhelming for me if I'm honest. "Would you like some coffee? You look like you could do with some." He offers, making me smile. "You saying I look like crap?" I ask him with a raised eyebrow.

There's a brief look of panic on his face but when I smirk at him, I can see his shoulders relax, knowing he hasn't actually offended me. "Just a little tired around the edges." He teases in return. "Then fill her up!" I say, holding a mug out towards him. Once I take my first sip, I can already feel my body starting to wake up.

"Are you nervous about today?" He asks me, making conversation whilst he tends to Cosmo. I look down to the mug in my hand, a little ashamed that I'm so nervous about this. "A little." I admit. When I do lift my head, I'm met with Colin giving me a warm, sympathetic smile. "Don't worry. They're all really excited to see you again. I can also confirm they are lovely people. I definitely got lucky with the in-laws." He reassures me.

"Meet me again?" I ask a little confused. "Yeah, they were all there when Scarlett gave birth to you. They all met you then. Melanie is especially excited to meet you. I have a feeling she'll be over earlier than the rest to get a head start." He chuckles. "Seriously though, if it becomes too much for you at any time, just let me know and I'll make up an excuse to take you out of the room." He offers and it makes me smile.

I've only been living here for a little over two weeks, but Colin has been so accepting of me. I mean, Scarlett has too, but I'm her daughter. Colin had every right to dislike me, but he is so caring and treats me like Rose and Cosmo. I really appreciate it. I can see why Scarlett likes him.

It's slowly become easier being here. Since our talk in the park, I feel closer to Scarlett which is nice. Rose went from not giving a shit about me, to me being her favourite person. Which gave me a bit of whiplash, but it's been nice spending time with her. She hasn't long started playing soccer at school, so I've been helping her to practice her skills. I must admit, she's not bad.

After my blip of questioning my annoyance to Laura, I spoke to her about it, and she spent about half an hour scolding me for ever thinking that. Our relationship is probably stronger than ever, and I know that I'm going to take the plunge soon and tell her how I feel. I know I risk losing our friendship, but I hope that even if she isn't interested, she'll stick around.

"Do you want me to take Cosmo whilst you go and get ready?" I ask Colin, who instantly nods and moves to hand Cosmo over to me. "Thanks kiddo. I'll see you in a bit." He smiles, placing a kiss to my head and rushing up the stairs. "Hi there buddy. Look at you all handsome this morning." I greet my little brother. Is it sad that my favourite person is a baby?

Wanting to do something nice for the family, I decide to start on breakfast. I find the baby sling and make sure that Cosmo is comfy before grabbing out what I need to make some pancakes. I put some music on quietly and start to dancing around a little to help comfort Cosmo, who is giggling a treat. It keeps distracting me and I find myself getting lost in his cute little smile. God he's such a cute baby!

"Ok then buddy. What shall I prepare to go with the pancakes? Bacon is always a winner." I start to talk to him, and he looks at me as if he understands every word I'm saying. "I guess we need to do fruit for Scarlett. Don't want her complaining that her trainer will be mad." I say with a scrunched up face. Fruit just ruins pancakes. "Oh, better not forget the syrup for Rosebud!" I remember, moving to the cupboard to grab out the bottle.

"Well, this is a sight I could get used to." I spin around so quickly to see the source of the voice. Scarlett is leant against the door frame, watching over us with a content smile on her face. "Your 16 year old with a baby?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "God no! No sex until you're like 30!" She quickly orders, making me laugh. "Wait. You're not, you know. There isn't someone I haven't met that you're uh doing that with?" She asks making this moment all too awkward. "Oh God, Scarlett no!" I respond, my cheeks heating up and going a dark red. "Sorry. I was just check. What I had meant was it's nice seeing my daughter being adorably cute with her brother. I love how well he's taken to you." She corrects her earlier statement and thankfully drops the sex talk.

"And thank you for being so considerate of my feelings on my trainer." She smirks at me, making me blush with embarrassment that she heard all that. "Coffee or juice." I ask her, moving on from that subject. "I'll do drinks. Thank you though sweetheart." She smiles at me, moving to the fridge to grab out a couple of cartons of juice.

I can feel her eyes on me whilst she's pouring the drinks. I take the last pancake out of the pan and turn around and meet her eyes. "Something you want to ask?" I question her, seeing the same nervous look she has in her eyes when she wants to talk about something, but isn't sure how to bring it up. "I notice you're always up early. But today you were up earlier than usual. Is everything ok?" She asks me.

I frown at her as I wasn't downstairs any earlier than I normally would be. I made sure of it. "I wasn't earlier. It was only 6:30." I lightly defend, but it only causes her frown to deepen. "I heard you up at at least 4:30." She calls me out and my gaze drops. "I think the question is why were you up that early Mrs Johansson?" I ask, trying to cover the fact she's right.

She sighs but takes a seat whilst I continue to bounce Cosmo who clearly isn't happy that I stopped dancing. "I'm nervous about you meeting the family." She admits, taking me by surprise at her honestly. "Why are you nervous?" I ask her, is she worried that they're not going to like me? I try not to let the panic overtake me and allow her to answer before I get too worked up.

"They're going to meet you and see how amazing you are and hate me even more for giving you up." She shares honestly, and it shocks me that she's being so open with me. "I guess they can't hate me more than I hate myself though." She sighs, her gaze focused on the baby in the sling. "You can't change the past Scarlett, only the future." I tell her firmly, which makes her look at me with teary eyes.

I've spent a lot of time talking with Laura about my feelings towards Scarlett. There is still a lot of anger and hidden feelings there. But what I said is right. We can't change what happened. I know she tried to get me back but couldn't. As soon as she had the chance to, she was there. It's still going to take some time for me to actually feel part of this family and not the random kid living with them. But I'm mature enough to focus on the here and now and to try and move on from the past. Eventually.

Feeling like I should repay her honesty, I decide to admit the truth also. "I was nervous too. But that they would hate me and think I'm just here to use you or something." I share and her eyes widen. "Oh sweetheart! They would never think that. In fact, I know they don't. Mom is so incredibly excited to meet you. I'm worried she might not let you go when she hugs you." She reassures me through a chuckle.

"Besides, if anyone says anything slightly negative about you, I will hand their ass to them before they can even finish their sentence." She says with a completely serious face. "Well, let's not have any violence on the first family get together." I joke, making her laugh. "No promises." She returns, walking over towards Cosmo and I, wrapping an arm around me and placing a kiss to my head.

I never used to be a hugger with people other than Laura. But I'm actually starting to enjoy them. They make me feel warm and like I'm actually safe. It's amazing how in two weeks my mindset is already seeing small glimmers of change. "I'm always here if you need to talk. I know you have Laura, but I'd like to be able to help if I can." She tells me softly. "Thanks. I appreciate that." I respond. "Now, let's eat." I instruct her.

Breakfast is nice. I'm still getting used to the five of us sitting down all together to eat our meals. Scarlett and Colin listen so intently to Rose, and you can see how happy that makes her. Conversation moves on to the fact that they are all planning to come and watch me at the first game of the season. I told them that they really don't have to, but they said they wouldn't miss it for the world.

It'll be weird to actually have someone there supporting me. I've never had that before. Laura's parents would always cheer for me too if they were watching, but it's not the same as having your parents there showing you how much they support you. I just hope I can focus on the game and not the fact that they'll be in the stands.

For the rest of the morning, I helped Scarlett and Colin prepare the food for dinner later. Everyone was planning to arrive at 2 so I had plenty of time to sit and stew in the negative thoughts going through my head.

At about half 1 the doorbell rings and Colin smirks at me. "Told you she'd come early." He gloats, moving to the hallway to greet our guest. Just like Colin had predicted, Scarlett's mom had come by early. As we walk into the hallway, she's just finishing hugging Rose. When her head lifts to look to Colin, her eyes land on me and they go wide.

She lets out a small gasp and walks slowly over to me. "Y/n?" She whispers and I nod. "Wow. You're beautiful." She compliments me, making me blush. Her eyes are glossed over with tears, and she stands in front of me. "I'm Melanie. I guess technically your grandmother." She smiles at me. "It's lovely to meet you." I respond as confidently as I can. She goes to hug me, but my stupid body flinches at the action and I'm internally cursing myself for allowing it to happen.

She looks at me worriedly and lowers her arms. I can see Scarlett looking on with concern, but I try not to focus on that. "I'm sorry. I should have asked. Can I hug you?" She asks with a kind smile, not a hint of annoyance at my respond. I nod and she carefully steps forward and wraps her arms around me. She's a similar height to Scarlett so I have to bend down a little as I melt into her hug. How can someone I've just met feel so comfortable. "I'm so glad you're home." She whispers to me, and I give her a little squeeze.

When she pulls apart, she holds my hands and looks at my face once again. "You look just like Scarlett at 16. Except for the brown hair!" She observes. I feel a little exposed under her gaze, but this was definitely a better reaction than I had been imagining in my head!

We move into the living room and Melanie sits with me, asking me lots of questions to get to know me more. She shares some embarrassing stories about Scarlett, much to her annoyance, but I very much enjoyed hearing those. Rose has been surprisingly good. I was worried that she would get annoyed that I was stealing her nana's attention, but she's been joining in the conversation and allowing us time together too.

We're all taken by surprise when the door opens and we hear a voice shouting from all the hallway. "The favourite twin has arrived!" My heart instantly starts to beat rapidly. I don't know why but I'm most nervous about meeting Hunter. Maybe it's because he's Scarlett's twin and I know how close they are. I can't help but worry about how he's going to react. I can feel my palms getting sweaty and I'm trying to count as many red things as I can to prevent a panic attack forming. This is stupid. It's just her brother! I can do this.

Scarlett's POV:

As soon as Hunter makes his presence known, I can see fear wash over Y/n. Things had been going so well with mom, after the little blip at the beginning, and I thought she was doing ok. But I couldn't be more wrong. I should have done more to make sure she was comfortable.

I quickly stand up and make my way over to her, when I see her eyes darting all over the place, sitting next to her and carefully placing my hand on her knee. Colin thankfully gets up to greet my idiot brother. "That boy will never learn to knock." I jokingly complain, hoping to provide some comfort without making her worries be the focal point. I've learnt that Y/n hates being centre of attention, and she wouldn't like it if I made a big deal about this right now. Even though it's breaking my heart to see her so scared. I just want to scoop her up and take her away so she can calm down.

Her eyes stop moving around the room and I wonder if she was counting objects. It's something that I know Lizzie does to help during her anxiety attacks. "What colour?" I ask her and she looks at me in shock. "Red." She admits shyly, so I return a smile easily. "Everything is going to be ok." I reassure her, wrapping my arm around her. "Remember, I'll throw hands regardless. I'm black widow remember." I joke, hoping to lighten the mood, and it seems to work. She let's out a genuine laugh, which makes both mine and mom's face light up. I'll never tire of hearing her laugh. I just wish I heard it more.

Colin and Hunter soon enter the living room and I notice that Hunter is calmer than he normally is. He can be a bit of a loose canon at times, but it's clear that Colin has had a word with him. Which I'm glad for. I love my brother, but I know if he goes to full Hunter mode then he is going to freak Y/n out more than she already is.

After greeting Rose and Cosmo, he walks towards us, and I can't help but laugh at the stern look mom is giving him. Y/n stands up and holds her hand out to Hunter, clearly getting a wave of confidence. "Hi, I'm Y/n. Nice to meet you, Hunter." She greets with a smile. I can see her outstretch hand is shaking and I notice that Hunter clocks it too.

He quickly steps forward and takes it. "I'm so happy that I finally get to meet you Y/n. As soon as Scarlett told us that you were moving in, I was desperate to meet you. But I was kept away, something about you need to settle." He greets in return, smirking with his last comment. "How are you settling in?" He asks, motioning for her to take her seat on the sofa again.

I take my own seat and watch over them with a smile as they easily seem to get on. I've noticed that Y/n has this really great wit. She can be hilarious and I'm sure she's even funnier, but she's scared to go too far. I can't wait to see her be unapologetically herself.

There isn't much respite though as Adrian and Vanessa turn up a few minutes later. Thankfully, they arrived together, meaning that Y/n didn't have to go through another two introductions. I watch as they both introduce themselves, smiles permanently planted on their faces. "I can't believe how much of a mini-me to Scarlett you are!" Vanessa observes and she wraps an arm around Y/n's shoulder. Another flinch wracks her body, and it breaks my heart that her reaction is still that someone is trying to hurt her. Vanessa's eyes snap to mine, and I mouth "later" to her, and she nods slowly, a frown on her face.

Everything is going well as my siblings and mom get to know Y/n more. They're being really respectful and not pushing too hard or bombarding her with questions. It's a shame my dad couldn't be here, but he's hoping to visit in the next week or so, which will be nice as the whole family will have had the chance to see her.

Happy that they're all getting on well, I head into the kitchen to start getting everything ready for dinner. I almost have a heart attack when I close the fridge door and Vanessa is stood there with an expectant look on her face. Mom stood just behind her. "Jesus Christ, you scared the crap out of me." I say, holding my hand to my chest. "Sorry, I did call after you, but you obviously didn't hear me." She apologises, moving into the kitchen to help me with the food.

"So, are you going to tell me why my niece is flinching?" She asks. It's not accusingly, but there is definitely a worried and angry tone to her voice. I look up and see mom waiting expectantly for a response as well. When I told them that she was back in my life, I had only briefly mentioned about her being in a difficult foster home. It didn't feel right to be sharing that so early on.

I sigh, rubbing at my head. "She uh. She didn't have the easiest of upbringings." I admit, the sadness washing over me all over again as I know I could have prevented it if I made the right decision 16 years ago. "What do you mean by that?" Vanessa asks. "Her adoptive parents were abusive. Then when they died, she was moved into an abusive foster home. So, this is the first safe space that she has lived in." I tell them, making them both gasp in shock.

"My poor baby." Mom whispers, tears filling her eyes. "Its that the lingering bruise on her face? It's barely noticeable but I clocked it." Vanessa asks, a sadness across her face. "Yeah, Mr Woodstock, the shitty foster home manager, had hit her after he blamed her for being drunk in front of me and Danny." I explain, my gaze focusing on the pork in front of me.

I'm stopped in my actions when mom's hand rests on mine. "Come here honey." She instructs me. It's only then that I realise that I'm crying. "I should never have left her mom. I let her down so badly. I don't deserve to have her in my life now." I cry into her shoulder, letting it all out. Vanessa quickly walks towards us and wraps her arms around the two of us.

"Don't talk like that Scarlett. Yes, it may have been the wrong decision, but you were doing what you thought was best at the time. You never could have known she would end up in a place like that. You trusted the system to take care of your daughter. You are giving her the life she deserves now." Mom comforts me, her hand running up and down my back.

"Mom's right. Other than looking terrified of being surrounded by us Johanssons, she seems happy. There's a relief in her eyes. It's going to take time for her to fully settle and find herself again. But you are going to be there supporting her in getting back to that person. We all are going to be here for her. For both of you." Vanessa adds on, making me smile. "Now, do you have this assholes address. I'm thinking of paying a visit." She asks with a chuckle. "Country jail right now. Where he's meant to be!" I reply, grateful that he's not going to be able to get anywhere near Y/n.

After a moment to compose myself, we start back on finishing everything for dinner. I call in Colin to help take the food through whilst the others move to the dining room, sitting at the table. Rose instantly sits next to Y/n, making me smile at how much she loves her big sister already. Hunter takes the seat the other side almost as quickly, clearly deciding that she's his new favourite.

Conversation through dinner flows easily and I can see Y/n get more comfortable as the time goes on. There's lots of laughter and storytelling, mostly embarrassing ones about me, but Y/n is loving them, so I'll happily let her know them all to see her smile.

By the time it comes to everyone leaving, I'm a little sad. But I couldn't be happier with how it went. Mom's already planning to pop around in the week to have some one on one time with her after school and Y/n seemed really happy about that. As they're leaving Adrian pulls me into a tight hug. "I'm glad she's home. Take care of her. Whoever hurt her has done a number on her." He says to me quietly. I look at him shocked and he just shrugs. "She has all the signs. It wasn't hard to work out." He answers my unasked question. "I'll protect her with everything I have." I assure him and he smiles.

Hunter approaches me next with the biggest grin on his face. "I'm so happy to have a new partner in crime. Rose is great but, you know, she's only 7. With Y/n the possibilities are endless." He smirks. "Oh, I'm going to regret introducing you two aren't I." I sigh, knowing that I'm going to be on the receiving end of his pranks now. "Love you sis!" He shouts as he heads out to the car. I flip him off which only makes him laugh harder.

With the door closed I let out a deep breath, grateful that it went so well. I go to the living room and see that Y/n isn't there. I find her in the kitchen, clearing up from dinner. "Oh, you don't have to do that sweetheart." I tell her, taking the plates from her hands. "It's ok. You cooked. I'm happy to clean." She tells me, taking the plates back from me. "Fine, but I'm helping." I insist, starting to pack up the leftovers.

"Your family is lovely." Y/n breaks the comfortable silence we had. "They're your family too and they love you. So much. In fact, I'm scared that Hunter is going to try and steal you away from me." I joke making her laugh. "Yeah, he needs to work on his prank ideas. They're a bit childish." She shares. Clearly Rose was the mastermind of all their ideas!

"Seriously though Y/n. You are apart of this family. You never have to give them a label, but they love you as their granddaughter and niece, and they always will." I reassure her and I notice her eyes gloss over. "I never had more than my parents before." She shares at a whisper. I move towards her with my arms open and she falls into them. "Well, you do now and we're not going anywhere." I tell her firmly. "I love you my sweet baby." I tell her and she squeezes me that little bit tighter. "Thank you for saving me." She says it so quietly, I barely hear it. But I do and it completely breaks me.

The tears silently fall down my cheeks as I hold my daughter. I don't ever want to let her go. I want her to be safe and loved and happy and I will do everything in my power to make sure that she gets the best in life.

__________

"Come on mom! We're going to be late!" Rose shouts to me from the hallway. I head downstairs with Cosmo in my arms. "Ok ok! I'm here, I was just getting your grumpy pants brother ready." I inform her but she huffs. "We're going to be late and miss out on the good seats if we don't leave now!" She complains with a pout. "I know honey. Colin is just getting his wallet." I tell her, making sure that we have everything.

We're about to head to Y/n's school and watch their opening game of the season. I'm so excited to see her in action. She loves soccer and I'm happy that I'm finally able to share in that passion with her. Rose is beyond excited and has even made her a sign to cheer her on with.

Colin jogs down the stairs and I smile as we're all wearing blue, their home colours. Rose is very sad that you can't buy a jersey so she can match her sister, so we found the closest top that we could instead.

The whole way there, Rose is excitedly rambling about how she hopes that Y/n scores the winning goal. Then as soon as the car is in park, she's undone her own belt and jumped out, rushing us all along. I'm surprised at how many people are here to watch the game. Seems like they're popular. I let Rose lead us to where she wants to sit and we end up at the halfway line and about midway up the bleachers. "These are great seats." Rose says proudly, wiggling with excitement. The team are out warming up and my eyes roam over them to find my daughter. "There's Y/n!" Rose calls out, pointing towards her on the pitch. She looks really focused as she runs through her drills with the team.

The coach blows the whistle and the team move towards the touchline to grab water. Y/n catches a glimpse of us and looks completely shocked as we wave at her. She says something to her coach, who nods, and she makes her way up to us. "You came?" She asks as if she can't believe it. "Of course, we did. We promised we would." I reply, ignoring the sadness that she's not had this support before.

"Sissy! I made you a sign!" Rose tells her excitedly, showing what she had made. A wide smile appears on her face. "Thanks Rosebud. I love it." She returns. "I better get back down but thank you for coming." She thanks. "Good luck kiddo! Kick some ass!" Colin encourages her, making her laugh as she jogs back down to her team. "Colin that's a bad word." Rose scolds him. I hide the laugh fighting to come out as Colin looks like a naughty schoolboy.

My eyes don't leave Y/n as I watch her with her team. My pride only grows when I notice that she puts on the captain's armband. They get together as a group and put their hands in the middle before call "Panthers." We all cheer as they take their places on the pitch. My excitement is only growing as I get to see how good she is.

Turns out she's very good. She controls the ball so easily and commands her team like someone far older than she actually is. A mistake in the back line results in the opposition scoring and all of the girls' heads drop. But Y/n gets them together, clearly giving them a pep talk. They have an extra bounce in their step after that talk and they retain all the possession and pressure for the next 20 minutes.

With a beautiful bit of skill, Y/n darts around two defenders. She looks up at the goal, probably contemplating shooting. "Shoot!" Rose is shouting from beside me. But she does the opposite just as a defender approaches her, she does a low cross finding Laura, who hammers the ball in the back of the net. It's like she had a sixth sense that she was there. Her gaze wasn't even in that direction.

We all jump up from our seats cheering whilst the team celebrate. Whilst I watch them set back up, I can see why they get such a good crowd here. The team are really talented. By half time it's 1-1 but the panthers have had all the pressure and Y/n has had a couple of close calls. It feels like it's only a matter of time until they score.

Whilst they're taking on water at halftime, Y/n looks up towards us and Rose jumps up and down waving. Y/n's smile grows as she notices and waves back. "She saw me!" Rose points out triumphantly.

The second half starts with an exhausting pace. The passing technique of the girls is amazing, but their opposition has picked up their game. It's end to end and my nerves are building as the opposition striker shoots and the ball just scraps past the post for a goal kick.

Y/n calls out to the team to calm down, making the gesture with her arms at the same time. I feel like I'm seeing Y/n in her element. She is so confident and sure of herself. I hope that in time, we'll get to see this away from the soccer pitch.

The panthers get a corner and Y/n is tussling with a defender in the box. Just as the ball is about to be hit, she does a dummy move, tricking the defender and giving herself space in front of her. She jumps in the air and her head connects with the ball. It feels like it's going in slow motion as we watch the ball move through the goalkeeper's hands and into the net. "YES!" I jump up cheering, Rose following my lead. She lifts her sign in the air cheering loudly. Colin has Cosmo bouncing on his hip and it seems, watching his sister play soccer has gotten him out of his grumpy mood.

The intensity of the game doesn't drop though. If anything, the opposition pick up even more with conceding that goal. Y/n is spending a lot more time in a defensive position, showing her ability once again. She really is talented. I know I'm biased, but I truly believe it.

It looks inevitable that the opposition are going but score but Laura makes a break, but their defence manages to get back pretty quickly. She looks up and sees Y/n stood just outside the box. With a cheeky back pass, she gets the ball to Y/n and moves out the way as Y/n takes the shot as soon as the ball as at her feet. She hits it sweetly and it curls into the top right hand corner. Once again, we're jumping around in the stands.

By the looks on the team's face, none of them can believe the shot, Y/n looking more shocked than anyone. Laura runs at her, jumping in her arms. Y/n holds her easily, spinning around. I don't know if they realise it, but they are definitely having a moment. Y/n is looking at her like she's hung the moon and stars.

The rest of the team are soon joining in the celebrations, their moment over. But as they go to retake their position for the restart, Laura loops her arm around Y/n's shoulder and gives her a kiss on her cheek before running off. I chuckle to myself when I can see Y/n's cheek instantly blush. Oh, she's definitely smitten!

After a nervous last 5 minutes, the final whistle blows, and we join with the rest of the crowd to applaud the team. We wait for a few minutes as the teams shake hands and Y/n thanks the referee. Rose all the while getting more impatient. Before I know it, she's run off and is making a beeline towards Y/n.

Though my worries instantly dissipate as Y/n bends down and scoops her sister up and rests her on her hip as she listens to her little sister ramble excitedly. I slip my hand in Colin's and we walk down towards the touchline so we can congratulate her too. I watch as Y/n proudly introduces Rose to her teammates before her and Laura walk in our direction.

Laura is looking a little nervous as she approaches us. "Hi Scarlett, Colin. Little Cosmo." Y/n greets us, placing Rose on the floor and pinching at Cosmo's cheek. "I'd like you to meet my best friend, Laura." She introduces her friend. "Sorry about how I spoke to you both last time." She apologises but I instantly wave her off. "No, you were protecting Y/n. I appreciate that she's got you in her life." I reassure her and notice her shoulders instantly relax.

"You played an amazing game. Congratulations the both of you for scoring." I congratulate them. "I'm not exaggerating when I say that was one of the best games of soccer I've watched." Colin adds on, making Y/n beam. "Can you believe the goal she scored at the end. She's going to be a superstar." Laura compliments Y/n, nudging her shoulder. "Oh, shut up. It was just a fluke." She tries to play it off. "Besides, it's because I had the best partner up front." She returns, making Laura's cheeks blush too.

"Are your parents here Laura? I'd love to meet them." I ask, excited to get to know the people in Y/n's life. "No, they're both working tonight." She responds a little disappointed. "Yeah, but it's the first game they've missed in ages." Y/n comforts Laura, slipping her arm around her waist. "Yeah, you're right. It's nice to see you final have someone cheering for you. And all in matching colours too." Laura laughs. "This one wasn't happy that she couldn't buy your jersey." I share, making Rose pout. "I'll see what I can do." Y/n smiles at Rose, running her hands through her hair.

"If you're parents are out tonight. Why don't you join us for dinner." I offer, smirking internally when I see Y/n's eyes light up. "Oh, you don't need to do that. I don't want to be a bother." Laura deflects. "You will never be a bother, Laura. You're always welcome at our house." I reassure her. She looks to Y/n who's nodding like a happy puppy. "Ok, that would be lovely. Thank your Mrs Johansson." She returns. "Oh please, call me Scarlett. I'm not old yet." I joke, making the others laugh.

We wait for Y/n and Laura to change and start on the drive home. I'm excited to get to know Laura a bit more. I also want to see if my instinct is right and see if these two are as smitten with each other as they look. I hope so, because she makes Y/n incredibly happy!

Part 6

[roselen-mylady]

the game | part two

Part One

Steve hated to admit it but he had always been a jealous person. As a child he was jealous of the way so many other kids had dads that tucked them in at night. As a teen he was jealous of how easily Bucky made women swoon. As an adult he was jealous of Stark when he attempted to woo Peggy. And now he was jealous because it seemed everyone but himself was able to easily talk and even kiss Y/n.

Oh how badly he had wanted to.

And he almost did during that game of spin the bottle. Yet he'd lost his nerve. And lost his chance.

Thor's laughter had drawn his full attention toward the pair. Not that his eye had ever left Y/n but now the man before him was blatantly being ignored as Steve's entire focus was on Y/n and Thor. He strained to hear whatever was being said by her but he could hardly pay attention as Thor lifted her into the air and spun her around like a princess.

He could've done that.

His blood nearly boiled as he watched Thor kiss her. It was innocent, he knew that, but he just couldn't help it. He was angry at the world and Thor but mostly himself.

Before Thanos he thought he'd have all the time he needed to work up to confessing his feelings for her while she stayed in Wakanda watching after his best friend. But when she was snapped away he realized he had made a horrible mistake. A mistake he regretted every minute of every day during those long five years.

But now he had a chance to fix it.

Yet he hadn't been able to talk to her since she returned. The friendship they'd had before then was bashful but strong yet during her absence he had distanced himself from the idea of her in order to cope.

When she returned all the emotions he felt came rushing back in waves. And he was still blowing it.

•••

"I'm so tired of watching these two pine after one another." Wanda spoke suddenly, making Bucky turn toward her, dragging his gaze away from the pair.

"What do you mean?" Bucky asked, looking back at them as Wanda came to stand at his side, watching them with him.

"You mean you haven't noticed? Y/n's in love with Steve. Steve's in love with Y/n. It's agonizing to watch, really." She sighed, rather vexed with the entire situation. It was her after all who had watched them through the years. They'd known each other ever since before the accords and all that time they'd had an awkward friendship in which feelings were obvious on both ends yet neither had the courage to act.

She hated to imagine how Y/n's death might've affected him but yet it still hadn't given him the will of the courage to act. It pained her to watch the two fall back into their old ways.

"Y/n loves Steve?" Bucky mumbled, disbelief evident in his features. Wanda nodded, her eyes trailing Y/n as she made her way to Peter, who was standing haphazardly close to Steve.

"More than life itself, though she'll never admit it. I saw it when I had to enter her thoughts years ago during a mission we had in Germany." Wanda explained. She remembered the overwhelming feeling of Y/n's emotions. They crashed into her stronger than any wave could and even after all these years they were just as strong.

"Then why haven't they done anything?" Bucky asked. He looked down at her finding the same lost expression on her face that was more than likely on his.

"I don't know. Y/n told me last week the same thing she told me all those years ago. Things are too complicated and she can't risk losing him if he doesn't feel the same." Wanda quoted Y/n, her annoyance seeping through her words.

Bucky scoffed, recognizing the excuse as something very similar to Steve's and he shook his head, feeling the same defeat Wanda did. "Just like them to be too stupid to be happy." He groaned, looking up at them.

"Yeah. But hopefully when he kisses her one of them will do something." Wanda hoped her statement might encourage their boldness.

"Unless it's a repeat of spin the bottle." Bucky said, dreading the chance that it might happen. Wanda cringed, shaking her head.

"Y/n won't allow it. She takes the game too seriously." She replied, more to convince herself than Bucky. It was true. Y/n would get Steve to kiss her whether it was for the win or her own motives. That is if her nerves didn't take over.

"Let's hope."

•••

"Well, if it isn't Spiderman." Y/n called out, grabbing Peter's attention. He smiled brightly, finally being called by his preferred name and not Spiderboy.

"Ms. Y/n! What-what are you doing here?" Peter's sore attempt at small talk made him wince but thankfully Y/n didn't seem to mind, looking down at his glass.

"Just mingling. Whatcha drinking?" She asked curiously, wondering if Tony had allowed the poor boy a drink while dealing with all the people who no doubt asked him millions of questions regarding his presence and age.

"Sprite. Mr. Stark said he can't allow me to 'drink and swing'." Peter adjusted his glass, using his fingers as quotations before letting out a short giggle at the phrase.

Y/n laughed as well, trying to appear relaxed as she felt a certain pair of eyes on her. Steve was standing just a few feet away with Tony, not within earshot but close enough to send butterflies to her stomach. With each kiss she collected she felt more and more anxious knowing eventually she'd reach Steve. Was she ready for that?

"Well, that simply won't do. It's a party, Peter, and I can't allow you to not drink. When I was your age Tony was slipping me drinks left and right, it's only fair I pass on the tradition." She explained, leaning forward carefully as her hand brushed his.

He blushed, his eyes widening like saucers as she skillfully slipped his glass out of his hand, replacing it with her own. Glancing at Tony as if expecting to be caught, he was relieved to find his father figure blissfully unaware of their treachery.

"Ms. Y/n, I really shouldn't-"

"Don't worry, I'll drive you home if you're that worried. I got you bro." Y/n promised, nudging his arm with a kind smile. "Now tell me you've at least tried champagne. You've been to like three of these parties now." She laughed her smile growing as he joined in.

"Yeah, well, I mean a little bit from my Aunt May's glass." Y/n shook her head, putting her hand on his shoulder, a dramatic look of sorrow on her face.

"My poor boy. I have many things to share with you. Speaking of which, Shuri is asking if you're coming with me to Wakanda next week." Y/n sipped the soda watching as Peter's fingers danced happily against his own glass.

"Really?! I mean, of course! If you want me to. I've never been, what's it like?" Peter rambled, his face lit up in excitement, making Y/n chuckle at how thrilled the boy was.

"You'll see soon enough. I'll come get you next Friday and bring your suit, I'm sure Shuri would love to tinker with it." Y/n advised. Peter nodded wildly, psyched for such a trip.

"Thank you, Ms. Y/n." Peter grinned. Y/n wrapped an arm around his shoulders turning him in the direction of where Tony was standing.

"Peter, Y/n is fine. Trust me, I'm one of the few people in this world who know what it's like to have Tony as a father figure and anyone who can handle that is okay in my book." Y/n laughed, pointing at the man in question.

As if sensing their shit talking, Tony turned around, catching sight of them. A suspicious glare was sent their way but Y/n could hardly notice it as another figure stepped into view, following Tony's gaze.

It was then that they were forced to look at one another head on. Not at a glance or a sneaky peek. They might as well have been standing in front of one another as they both froze.

If Y/n's heart decided to stop in that instant, she wouldn't blame it. The pure intensity of Steve's gaze was enough to make her shudder and she fought her every molecule to stare back. There was a warmth in his eyes, one that sent a flutter of giddiness through her.

A small smile crept onto his face and Y/n gasped, forcing herself to return the gesture and not just gawk at him. She was at a loss for words. It was the first time since Thanos that he had given her any sort of acknowledgement. While it hurt that their friendship had seemed to diminish while she'd been gone, she knew that rekindling it was a two way street. But now he was smiling at her. And she was smiling back.

She hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until Peter stepped in front of her, his hands resting on her shoulders and his brows furrowed in concern. "Y/n? Are you okay?" His voice was soothing and it helped her recover her loss of breath from her moment with Steve.

"Huh? Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Just...uh, thinking." She mumbled, her eyes drifting back to Steve once more. His smile had faltered slightly, his face beginning to match Peter's concern but with a small curve of her lips, she assured him that his worry was senseless.

"About the game?"

"Hmm?" Y/n questioned, directing her attention to the boy once more. Peter eyed his glass carefully before taking a cautious sip.

"The game you play with Ms. Natasha and Ms. Wanda. You're playing, right? I saw you earlier with Thor." He explained. Y/n's face flushed, a little embarrassed that her moment with Thor had been witnessed by someone she knew. What if Steve saw? Would he be jealous?

Y/n nearly shook her head, convincing herself that she wasn't worth being jealous over. Especially to Steve.

"Oh, yeah. We are. That reminds me, you like Star Wars right?" She smirked, looking at him as she sipped his soda, the pink on his cheeks making her giggle.

"Well, yeah, I mean lots of people do. I'm not the only one-that would be weird. Unless you like it, not that you liking it would make it less weird. Not that you're not weird! Weird-"

"Peter!" Y/n laughed, putting her hand on his as she lightly brought the drink down. "Whew boy, maybe alcohol isn't your thing. Then again you've always been a rambler." She gently took the drink back from him, watching as a wave of relief washed over him.

"Have you eaten yet? I think there's hors d'oeuvres around here somewhere." She muttered, glancing around for any servers. Peter shook his head accepting his soda back before looking back up at her.

"No I'm okay, really." He told her, his heart warming at how much she seemed to care. It was nice and he enjoyed his relationship with Y/n. She allowed him to do things with her like travel, patrol, even hang out in the lab and she quickly became another idol of his.

"Are you thinking of watching Star Wars?" He asked her, referring to her previous question. She smiled, shaking her head.

"No, I've already seen it, I'm just thinking of a pick up line for the game. Tonight's rules are if you like my line I get a kiss and I fully intend on winning tonight." Peter nearly choked on air as his eyes widened yet again.

"A kiss? From me?" Y/n giggled, tapping her finger to her cheek.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Parker. A kiss on the cheek will do." She teased, making his face impossibly redder. He shook his head frantically trying to display as best he could that it wasn't his intention.

"I'm kidding. Now are you ready to hear my cheesy pick up line or will I just have to forfeit?" Peter's head didn't seem to stop shaking as he urged her to continue. "Alright here goes."

"Hey, sweetheart. Do you like Star Wars cause Yoda only one for me." With a wink she smiled, enjoying the scrunch of Peter's nose as he cringed at the line. 

"Not doing it for ya?" She laughed. Peter scoffed, trying to hide the smile that threatened to show.

"I hate to admit it, but it was kinda funny." He sighed, ashamed to have enjoyed such a horrible line. Y/n's grin grew, pointing to her cheek once more.

"Then pay up. I've got two more kisses to collect." Peter smiled, leaning forward and pecking the space her finger had been. "Thank you. Now find someone to mess with. I won't be the only one reeking havoc tonight." She poked a stern finger into his chest. With some convincing he eventually promised to at least pull a prank on Sam and Bucky.

With that she began to make her way to Tony. A knot formed in her stomach as she paced in his direction yet it wasn't Tony who made her nervous. No, only Steve Rogers could make her feel so squeamish and turn her legs to jelly. And she was making her way straight toward him.

Y/n could barely hear the click of her heels and the chatter of those around her over the pep talk she was giving herself in her head. She refused to embarrass herself in front of him. This was going to be her second chance and she wouldn't allow her nerves to ruin it again.

"As I live and breathe! Do I stand before Iron Man and Captain America? I do hope this isn't a dream." Steve's soft chuckle seemed to go straight to her core and she feared her heart might beat right out of her chest.

"Don't encourage her, Cap." Tony grumbled, turning his gaze to Y/n. "Well, if it isn't my favorite niece."

"Your only niece." Y/n corrected, a short glare focused on him as he smirked.

"Let me guess you're here to win the game. Let's hear it so poor Cap here can get a turn. I don't think he's kissed a woman since the 40s." Tony leaned down, whispering the last part and making Y/n giggle.

"Hey!" Steve objected in vain. But what Y/n said next sent any duty to protect his pride out the window.

"That's a crying shame. The ladies must not know what they're missing." Y/n froze as the words left her mouth. What was she thinking? Her face burned and she hid behind her glass trying to muffle her embarrassed groan with her champagne.

"Jeez, get a room." Steve and Y/n both glared at Tony but he didn't seem to care, instead shrugging innocently.

"Alright, here's your line you impatient ass." Y/n scoffed, deciding to use a particularly bad line for the annoying man she dared call her father figure.

"Was that it?" He smirked.

"Shut up, I gotta turn around and approach this again or else it won't work." She hissed, earning a heartfelt laugh from Steve. Twice. She'd made him laugh twice. Her heart was practically singing at the thought. Maybe she'd actually get to kiss him?

With more determination than before, she turned around, taking a few steps away before dramatically turning back to them. Using theatrics she no doubt learned from Tony Stark himself, she put on a smile before holding her arms out in a grand gesture.

"Well I'm here, what's your next two wishes?"

"That was horrendous." Tony said almost immediately while Steve tried to contain his laughter behind them.

"Well, I couldn't very well waste my best lines on you now could I?" Y/n jested, taking the glass in his hand and pouring what remained of his drink into her now empty glass.

Tony's teasing expression fell as he painfully watched Y/n sip her glass. "I can't believe you're related to me." Y/n smiled back at him proudly.

"Only by marriage." She shrugged. Tony sighed, leaning down and pressing a fatherly kiss to her forehead just along her hairline.

"Thank god." He ignored Y/n's squinted stare, turning to Steve. "I think I'm going to go get another drink, since mine was so blatantly stolen." Tony glanced at Y/n who shamelessly smirked.

"But first I wanna hear your pick up line for Cap. Please be something patriotic. Maybe sing him the national anthem." He suggested, nudging Steve forward to where he stood before Y/n.

Not expecting Tony's push, Steve stumbled nearly crashing into Y/n but thankfully he caught himself, only having a redder face than before.

"I'm not sure the national anthem is a pick up line, Tony." Y/n replied, focusing on anything but Steve. At this distance she could smell the familiar cologne and feel the heat radiating from him. It reminded her all too much of the days before the snap. When he'd hold her whenever she was hurt or when he'd pick her up to launch her toward an enemy. Reminded her of the few hugs they'd managed to share.

Reminded her of their last before she dusted in his arms.

"I don't know. He's really horny for America, it might work." Tony refuted, earning a threatening gaze from both Steve and his niece.

"Fine, y'know what? Have privacy or whatever in the middle of this crowded party. See if I care." Tony said, a little butt hurt that he wouldn't be able to witness the awkward exchange first hand.

He was no idiot when it came to his niece's attraction to the super soldier. While at first he disapproved, even more so when it led to her being on the opposite side that day in Berlin, years had led to forgiveness. He couldn't really stay mad at her even if he tried. Only sorry he hadn't apologized before the snap.

"Thank you, Tony." Y/n spoke quietly, sending him a grateful look. Whatever was about to happen already made her nervous, she didn't think doing it with Tony there would be possible.

"Yeah, yeah." He waved a dismissive hand, beginning to walk away.

It wasn't until he had Morgan that he realized he was already a father. Y/n had been his first and no matter his guilt, she would always forgive him. Always need him.

"Don't get carried away." He threatened suddenly, pointing to his eyes before twisting his hand back to them with a menacing squint.

Y/n rolled her eyes, looking back to Steve as Tony finally left.

"He's protective." Y/n explained, trying to be annoyed. It was actually kinda touching the way he cared despite his usual selfish smartass exterior.

"For good reason." Steve agreed, making Y/n's head tilt confused.

"You think I can't take care of myself?" She questioned defensively, ready to prove her worth no matter who he was.

"No, of course you can. Just-..." He trailed off, a sorrowful expression taking hold of his features against his will. "We've both failed you before. Numerous times." Steve confessed, his eyes falling downcast as Y/n realized what he'd meant.

She’d never truly thought about how her absence might have affected him. Before the snap he never gave any hint that he wanted to be more than a friend to her. But now she studied that look in his eye, that one she hadn’t recognized before. Heartbreak. 

"Steve, you didn't fail me." She insisted. Her hand had come to his own, grasping lightly at his loose fingers and ignoring the buzz in her skin and the rapid pace of her heart.

"No, I did. I turned you against your family. I got you arrested. I dragged you back into the fight and...you got snapped away." His voice broke at the end, years of depression and misery washing over him all over again.

"It wasn't your fault. We all lost that day." Y/n argued but her words didn't seem to stick.

"I'll never forgive myself." Steve's words were barely above a whisper, each syllable falling further into him unable to escape.

The sight alone made her heart ache but it was the way he'd spoken that truly shook her. They were the words of a broken man, a man that had lost it all. Had she done that to him? Did he care about her like that? Maybe he was scared too.

“Well, it's a good thing I already did.” Y/n smiled hoping to bring back the smile that she'd been able to give him moments before. Her hand stayed planted to his own more terrified to release it than she was to keep holding it. Would she ever work up the courage to do it again?

Steve looked back up at her, a tender glimmer in his eye as he moved his hand to hold her own. “I missed you.”

The statement alone wasn't nearly enough to convey how much he'd longed for her in those five years, left without any hope of ever getting her back. Didn’t show her the sleepless nights or the endless tears. Didn’t show her first few years he spent, alone and secluded. Didn’t show her how many times he prayed to any god that would listen for them to bring her back. 

But her eyes seemed to tell him that she understood. Y/n knew exactly how he felt even if she'd been relieved of it for five years. She remembered when she was arrested, screaming at the guards that they'd never find Steve. Remembered the sobs that racked through her when he came to free her, relieved he’d made it out of the war safely. Remembered their time on the run, unable to tell him how she felt. Remembered volunteering to stay with Bucky when Steve's worry became too much. Remembered him coming back and bring a war with him. Remembered him catching her before she dusted, too fast for her to tell him her greatest truth. 

She loved him.

“I missed you too.” She said softly, her face burning under his gentle gaze. They’d become so unbearably close at that point, making her breath ragged and her heart race. 

Clearing her throat, she looked away, trying not to reveal how flustered he made her. “So do you wanna hear my pick up line or not?” She once again changed the subject, making Steve smile at her lovingly. 

“Definitely.” He replied. 

“Alright. On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?” She gave him the first one that came to find, silently groaning when she realized she'd done exactly what Tony suggested. Curse their horribly similar minds. 

"That's terrible." Steve chuckled, staring at her with adoration unlike he'd ever done before. She was absolutely perfect in his eyes and he refused to waste anymore time being scared. 

"You didn't like that? I have more." Y/n rambled, oblivious toward Steve's affectionate gaze. "Can I tie your shoes? I don't want you falling for anyone else." 

Steve laughed, shaking his head as he stepping forward and shifting his hand to her waist as he pulled her closer. 

The action on flustered her further, dragging another pick up line out of her. "Or I like your last name, can we share it?" 

Steve's smile grew, his heart swelling with each word. He loved listening to her lines even if they were cheesy. But he was determined now and he wouldn't let either of their nerves stop them anymore. 

"I lost my number, can I have-"

Suddenly he leaned forward, cutting her sentence short as his lips latched onto her own. 

The kiss was so tender she practically melted in his arms, her hand coming to his chest while the other shifted to behind his neck, her fingers filtering through the lower part of his hair. His grip around her waist tightened as his heart pounded under her palms, the aftermath of anticipation rushing through his chest. 

It was effortless the way they molded together and it left him breathless. He couldn't believe he'd never just kissed her before and after believing all these years he'd never get the chance to, he was so grateful to have her now. 

"I've waited too long for that. I think I'm gonna need interest." Y/n gasped as they pulled away her eyes half lidded as she tried to process what had happened. 

"Was that another pick up line?" Steve's brows furrowed, his lips a beautiful shade of darker pink. 

Y/n smiled up at him, pulling him close once more. "Shut up." 

••• 

"Who's gonna tell her she didn't win?" Wanda questioned suddenly, glancing over at Nat. 

Sam raised his hands in surrender, passing off the duty as soon as possible to avoid any type of rage the woman might've wreaked on him. 

"I don't think she'll really care at this point." Nat spoke, pointing a finger toward the couple across the room. 

They didn't seem to care that they were in a room full of people, instead remaining engrossed in each other as they stared at each other lovingly. It was touching really but what Nat assumed to be their confessions had lost Y/n the game. 

"Wait does this mean the games with stop?" Sam questioned suddenly. 

"No, it'll just make them more interesting." Nat smirked.

[prxttypxrker]

[secrets: part seven]

[part] one two three four five six

[tags] @falling-stars-never-cry @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @hphmincorrectquotes

You had family over.. you had family over? The only person you ever mentioned was your older sister, whom you lived with, and the late parents you lost at a young age. There were family friends and your sister's boyfriend, sure, but never any other actual blood relatives. The text you sent sat uneasy with him. While he was happy you weren't ignoring him for as long as he expected, the confusion of who you could've meant was tenfold. Does he ask you at school tomorrow? Or does he just bypass his curiosity and let it slide?

Peter flipped over on his bed, staring at the phone sitting between the pages of his chemistry textbook. He'd been debating calling or not—considering you did say you had family over and couldn't meet with him. However.. maybe you could do a phone call? Or a text. Texting sounded better. You wouldn't be able to hear his very unnecessary desperation to figure you out just for tonight.

He threw his head down and groaned into his pillow. If he didn't have a crush on you he wouldn't have been as persistent. And it was overwhelming. He didn't recall any moments he felt like this when he liked Liz last year; not even when he found out her dad was Vulture and had to fight him. That was crazy, but it didn't meld his mind as much as this did. He didn't even think he could like someone this much after that whole experience. “Hey.” He turned his head enough to see his Aunt May leaning against the doorway. “Are you going to call her?”

He sat up immediately, turning his screen off and shutting the book he was reading just to help you on the project. “What? Call who? I don't know who you're talking about.”

She stared at her nephew for what felt like eternity before giving him a small smile and shaking her head. “I won't ask what it's about, but if it has to do with a certain superhero swinging around the neighborhood—well—I’m sure she'll understand once you have a real talk with her. I know she wouldn't want to jeopardize your friendship either.”

He didn't say anything—he couldn't, really. There were moments he forgot his aunt discovered that he was Spider-Man, so whenever she discreetly brought up the other side of his double life he was taken aback. Although this time, he was more than glad she had a sixth sense about what went on in his life. He cleared his throat and nodded his head slowly. “Yeah.. yeah, I'll make sure I talk to her. Thanks, Aunt May.” She gave him another smile and turned to head back into the kitchen. He immediately opened up the book and turned his phone back on.

While he was trying to decide whether calling was a good idea, you were sitting at a dinner table with your sister Katrina, her boyfriend, and pretty much the only person your parents were extremely close with. Everyone was engaged in lively conversation while you could barely get a word in. It all made sense, but for some reason you still couldn't wrap your head around the fact that your crush was also the one who prevented what would have been a tragic event in your life. A part of you preferred he was just making new friends that would replace you guys in the future. At least then you could cope and talk it out without having second thoughts. This was a whole other situation. Peter was an actual hero, not the regular, run-of-the-mill kid who takes city crimes into his own hands. He was skilled and friendly and as selfless as anyone with powers could be. Not to mention he worked with Iron Man; you remembered seeing that ship 'incident’ on the news the year before. As well as photos and videos people would post online of the two of them taking on bigger jobs together. It was amazing and impressive, but something still bothered you.

“Y/N.” You looked up from the phone sitting next to your plate, sending it to its black screen before acknowledging your sister. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just some stuff about homework.” It didn't seem like she believed it, but she only shrugged and continued on with the conversation with her boyfriend. They didn't give it a second thought, but the other guest clearly did. You watched him glance between yourself and the device, raising his eyebrows. Was the conflict really that obvious? Could he see that you were struggling with a friendship? Or were your mixed feelings with the current situation making their way into your eyes? “Um,” you cleared your throat and stood from your seat, “I'm gonna go work on that project Miss Simms gave me.”

After saying an early goodnight to the other three in the room, you made your way down the hall toward your bedroom. You closed the door and breathed out a large sigh, throwing yourself on the bed. You laid on your back so you could see the ceiling; see the space where you had half of the pictures of you, your friends and family stuck with tape and staring straight at you. It felt weird to have photos up at first, but over time you would look at them each time you just needed someone and they couldn't physically be there. Mostly during your moments of sulking or frustration, in which you hated bringing down the moods of others so you would look at the smiling faces above you to keep you sane. You hoped they would still help with something as big as this.

You sighed and rolled over onto your stomach, deciding that if you weren't going to talk to him yet, you might as well actually work on that project. While you started doing the worksheets there was a light knock from the other side of the door. “Come in.”

“Hey, misfit.”

At the sound of the all too familiar voice you put everything in your hands down and sat up, giving the man your full attention. “You haven't called me that for a while.”

“Now that's because you haven't caused any trouble in a while.��� You rolled your eyes, smiling up at him as he gave you one in return. “So what's up? Why have you been ignoring me?”

“I haven't.”

“You're a terrible liar... definitely got that trait from your dad.”

You frowned and he gestured toward the open spot on your bed, waiting for you to nod so he could sit down. There was a silence that hung in the air as the two of you sat there, both looking around different pieces of your room. It was a silence you always hated when it was between you and him. You much preferred the weird, fatherly or innovative talks that would happen whenever you'd see him. After your dad passed away with your mom, he was the only one that was able to tell when something was bothering you or if you were lying about anything. So after another minute or so of quiet, you spoke up. “Why didn't you tell me?”

He sighed, letting the question sink in on both ends. He then adjusted his position so he could look at you properly. “It wasn't my place to tell you that. It’s his responsibility to decide when to say who he was to any of you. I've just been there as the... moral support, you could say.”

You snorted, “Snarky Tony Stark as moral support? That I would like to see.”

The billionaire raised an eyebrow and grinned at you, seeing that his said snarkiness had been rubbing off on you more and more. His gaze found its way to the object with the screen displaying your contact list. There were times he forgot how much you grew since that tragic day, but seeing the extent of what you'd been going through the past few months helped him see that you had more than just normal, teenage issues. You had a knowing crush on a boy who went around saving pedestrians and putting his own life at risk once in a while. All while having a father figure who had an arc reactor in his chest, flew around in an iron, red and gold suit saving New York from aliens with other heroes, was part of Earth's best defenders, and had a mind so big only those truly intelligent could fully understand him. “Talk to the kid. He goes through a lot. He could use someone like you on his side.”

Without waiting for a response he pulled himself up from the sitting position and made for the doorway. You bit your lip when he took a step out. You didn't want the chance to say it slip by, so just as he was halfway down the small hallway, you let out a small shout. “Thank you, Uncle Tony!”

With his rare modesty in check after your miniscule burst, you went back to the materials laid across the mattress. Your eyes combed over everything, stopping at the name that both frustrated you and sent waves of butterflies in your belly every time you heard it.

Neither of you were aware the other knew about having a crush on one another; these types of instances almost never happened, especially during high school. It was a decision of part temporary confidence, part consideration, and part nobody wanting to lose a friendship out of this. You were both unsure for different reasons, but at the end of the night feelings were only an excuse. In your beds, you each took a deep breath and pressed the name on your phones.

[heartbreakerholland]

lunchtime losers [p.p.]

Summary: Peter Parker was one of your best friends in high school, but there were moments that made you question who exactly he could be to you. Here are a few of those moments you spent in Midtown, trying to figure things out year by year.

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings: mentions of underaged drug use, mild swearing, open ended. . . ending(?), unedited

Disclaimer: i cannot stress enough that you shouldn't do drugs/alcohol while underaged. i know high school is weird and everybody might seem to be experimenting with new things, but i promise there'll be a time and place where it's appropriate to do so. i am in no way glamorizing/romanticizing (underaged) drug use, even if it's such a small portion of this fic. drug/alcohol abuse is very serious, even as a teenager when it doesn't seem like you're abusing it.

A/N: i have some pointers! this is a different writing style compared to what i've posted before. i've written like this back when i first started writing fanfiction years ago and quite frankly, i don't even like it that much, so i'm very iffy about this. this is based off of my own experience with getting to know my feelings about a good friend, and a lot of the scenes in here are closely accurate to what's actually happened in my life. the only part that i can say is 100% pure imagination is the ending, which i know will probably make a lot of you frustrated ☺️ (it's because i still haven't told this person my feelings for him oops) ANYWAYS this is written in a very one sided perspective, but i tried to write in a way that you can read between the lines and get a little idea of what peter’s feelings are too. a lot of peter’s and the reader’s feelings are told merely through action and dialogue and less of actual explaining, but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless 💞

feedback is greatly appreciated and feel free to request a part 2! enjoy reading!

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•••

Freshman Year

"This has been going on for weeks," Michelle muttered to you. "If the tension at the table gets any worse, then I'm not sitting with you guys anymore."

You stepped out of the lunch line with your tray in hand, following MJ to stand away from the crowd of students. Looking behind her, you watched Peter and Ned enter the lunch room and sit down at your usual table.

You rolled your eyes. "I already told you. Maybe Peter likes me and maybe I like him back, but he's always been one of my closest friends. I don't want to ruin that."

She scoffed and began walking towards the table with you at her side. "So? You can date and still be friends—"

"But what about when we break up? We either stay friends or never talk to each other again. I'm not risking it."

You knew she would have said more, but the two of you already made it to your table. You took place in your usual seats, Michelle next to Ned and you across from them, next to Peter. You set your backpack on the ground underneath the bench where everyone sat. Without thinking about it, you handed Peter your chocolate milk carton and apple sauce, while he slid over his fruit snacks that May always packed for him. It was a routine; you always got those because you didn't like eating it but you knew Peter did, and Peter never told May that he doesn't like fruit snacks because you loved eating them.

MJ narrowed her gaze at you during the interaction, but you chose to ignore her. It was nothing more than a routine.

"Y/N, Michelle," Ned said. "Please tell Peter that he's being stupid.”

Without missing a beat, you and MJ repeated Ned's words at the same time.

Peter glanced between the two of you with mock surprise. "You didn't even know what we were talking about!"

MJ shrugged, taking a bite out of her food. "Don't have to. You're always stupid, Parker."

He put a hand over his chest. "I'm hurt, guys. I really am."

You chuckled but said nothing more, allowing your three friends to carry the conversation while your mind wandered.

You tried your best to pinpoint the moment you began liking Peter as more than a friend, but your heart wasn't into it.

All you could really tell was when you became more conscious of how close you always sat with him, thighs glued to the side and elbows never coming apart. You blamed it on the lunch table crowded with other students on either side of your friend group, giving you absolutely no space for Jesus in between.

You would catch yourself staring, taking note of his mannerisms and how his light brown hair always seemed to bounce whenever his head moved. You decided you noticed those things because of how long you've been friends with him.

You realized you always watched for his reaction first before seeing the others' after you said something funny, but you told yourself it was only because you valued his opinion the most.

You tried taking note of his flaws in hopes that it would get rid of whatever those feelings were. His hands were always clammy, his backpack was so big that you weren't sure how he didn't topple over when it was on his back, and sometimes he'd spit a little when he talked a lot. (For some reason, those things didn't push you away like you wanted.)

You felt a kick from under the table, bringing you back to the cafeteria. You looked up to be met with Michelle's glare, who signaled you to check your phone. Reaching into your pocket, you took your phone out and looked at the screen under the table.

Michael Jackson: if u keep staring at peter then he might actually notice for once

You gave MJ a look, who was the one who sent the text, and put your phone away. You didn't realize you'd been mindlessly eating until you felt full. You slid your food to Peter, who began eating the rest of it without second thought. (He always ate his lunch first then whatever you couldn't finish as well.) Routine.

Before you could actively participate in the conversation, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

The four of you rose from the long table, gathering your trash to throw it away. You slouched over to grab your bag from where you put it.

"Here ya go," Peter said from behind.

You turned around to see him holding up your backpack for you.

"Oh, thanks," you smiled, swinging the backpack over your shoulders.

He returned the smile. "You going to your locker?"

"Like always, Pete."

"Alright," he slowly backed away. "See you in five?"

You nodded and began walking the other direction, where your locker was. Michelle followed Peter to the band room while Ned decided to accompany you on your short walk.

"Soooo, Y/N," he said suggestively. "That dance is coming up."

You groaned. "I thought the four of us were just going to sleep over at MJ's that night?"

You stopped in front of your locker, opening it to grab a textbook for one of your classes later in the day. You grabbed one of Peter's hoodies that he left in there, knowing it would be cold in the band room. (You had a locker in one side of the school while Peter had his own in the other side. You both agreed to share both, merely for convenience and nothing more.) Ned leaned on the locker next to yours, facing you.

He fiddled with his backpack straps. "You know how the school's making it a 'girls ask guys' kind of thing? Well, Michelle was thinking that maybe we should go! Like, she'll ask me and you can ask Peter—"

You raised a pointed finger at your friend. "I see what you're doing now," you accused him. You shut the locker and began walking towards the band room with Ned beside you. "I don't condone meddling, Leeds."

"But Y/N!" he said excitedly. "MJ and I know that you two like each other. You know that Peter likes you. He knows that you like him. You know that he knows that you like him. He knows that you know that he likes you. It's a win-win!"

You sighed. "You're making it sound more complicated than it actually is."

The two of you made it to the band room and Ned opened the door for both of you to walk in. You both headed to retrieve your instruments, with other students swarming by.

"You're making it actually complicated! Look, Y/N. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but," he lowered his voice, "if you don't ask Peter to the dance, then he's gonna ask you."

You froze, holding your instrument case in the air. "What?" You regained yourself and set the case down, facing Ned. "No, Ned. No. Listen. I'll tell you what I told Michelle, okay? I just want to be Peter's friend—"

"But you like him!"

"But I don't want to do anything about it. It's just a crush—it'll pass. I treasure our friendship more than having a crush that won't last forever."

Ned raised and dropped his arms exasperatedly, giving up.

Michelle popped up, seeming chipper than usual. "Hey guys, we're practicing for contest today," she said. "What're you talking about?"

"It's not gonna happen, MJ," Ned sighed. He grabbed his instrument and trudged away, leaving you two alone since the rest of the students seem to have gone in their respective practice rooms already.

Michelle put her hands on her hips and stared at you, her attitude changing back to normal. "Why not, Y/N? Are you scared or something?"

You sighed. You turned around and headed the same direction Ned went, with MJ following closely behind. "No, I'm not scared. Can you guys please stop meddling? I just don't want anything to happen, and that's it."

The two of you stopped in front of your designated practice room, the door closed. You peeked through the small window in the door, seeing the boys were already in there, oblivious to you and MJ on the other side.

"Why not?" Michelle asked. "You'll regret not ever knowing what could have been—"

"No, that's the thing," you interjected. You were tired of hearing these talks about Peter, and it was beginning to show. "I know that I won't regret it. I can daydream about 'could-have-beens' with Peter all my life, and I'll be fine with that. I don't want to lose him, and if that means that I can't be with him romantically, then that's what I'm gonna do. Having a crush is always temporary, Michelle. Peter's the kind of person that I want permanently in my life. Do you know what I mean now?"

She stared at you with a hint of sadness in her eyes, like she could see right through your words. See what, you weren't sure. After a skeptical moment, she took a breath, surrendering. "Alright, fine. I'll let him know that."

You took a breath of relief. "Thank you."

Michelle turned to open the door to the practice room, Ned and Peter welcoming the two of you in.

-

The practice room was small with the four of you and your instruments in it, meaning you'd be in close quarters with them—Peter specifically.

It was easy to pretend your feelings for Peter weren't there. It was easy to act like yourself despite the elephant in the room. Before the complications, you and Peter were glued together, so why treat him differently now?

Maybe you noticed him noticing you, watching your moves when you pretended you couldn't see where his line of sight was directed. Maybe you took note of him flinching back whenever you accidentally brushed against him, and how the sweat from his palms were more prominent on his instrument.

But it was easier to ignore those things, which is what made it easier for you to act like it never happened in the first place.

Sophomore Year

You weren't usually one to gloat, but damn it you were right about the situation with Peter and you told yourself that you should be happy about it.

Crushes were always temporary. Friendship could last forever.

Could.

Michelle and Ned eventually stopped bringing it up freshman year, and you figured Peter eventually stopped liking you as well.

The whole ordeal wasn't something any of you talked about, an unsaid truth never to be spoken. You refused to even think about those weird few months and how you felt during that time. You told yourself that having a mutual crush on your best friend wasn't something to think about.

You were just glad that you weren't the center of Peter's attention anymore. You knew this was true, mainly because his attention drifted to Liz Allen. The intelligent, breathtaking, lucky girl: Liz Allen.

Besides Peter's obvious crush on her, nothing changed.

"If you three weren't my only friends at this school," MJ said, "I'd stop eating lunch with you guys."

You followed her out of the lunch line after paying, just like the normal routine since last year. The two of you began walking across the cafeteria and towards the same table you've always sat at, with Ned and Peter already there. (The only difference nowadays was Peter sat next to Ned, and you and MJ sat across from them, so Peter could helplessly drool over Liz across the lunch room.)

You chuckled. "Me too, I think. . . It's because of Peter, huh?"

She groaned. "Duh. All he does is gush about her."

You laughed as you sat down next to Michelle, having finally made it to the table. Before even being able to look at your food, Peter began talking.

"She straightened her hair today, guys! She looks so different but still. . . so good."

Ned followed where Peter's eyes were, seeing it was true. Michelle faked a gag, which only you noticed.

The two of you ate your food in silence, which was something different compared to before Liz came in the picture. Peter also stopped bringing you fruit snacks and eating the food that you couldn't finish, as well as denying to take chocolate milk and apple sauce from you.

Sometimes you'd catch yourself missing those little things, but you told yourself it was only because of the change in what used to be normal. Before, normal was getting squished next to Peter and enjoying it, oddly realizing the days he switched between his cologne, and endless banter between the four of you. Now, normal was having to think of what to say to strike a conversation with him, rolling your eyes at his comments on Liz, and being vaguely aware of the few times he looked your way.

You would find yourself hurting, and you'd have to correct your thoughts and say it was only missing the past. There was no use in feeling sorry for yourself, though. Things happen, feelings change, and that was that. You were still friends with Peter in one way or another, and that's what you wanted, so clearly you had to be happy about things going your way.

"You guys are losers," Michelle told the boys, who were still fawning over the senior girl in the cafeteria.

Peter didn't seem to hear her, (he didn't seem to hear anything you and MJ said, nowadays), but Ned shrugged. "You're still friends with us," he replied.

That was true. You were still friends and that's what mattered. It was weird having to remind yourself of that fact, but it was still that: a fact.

"Hey, Y/N?" Peter spoke out of nowhere.

His voice fazed you. It was odd hearing him say your name now, especially after realizing he used to say it almost as often as he breathed.

"You know about girls, right?"

You and Michelle shared a glance, knowing where this was headed.

"I mean, I am a girl, so yeah," you said. You looked at him, but his eyes never seemed to have left the special girl seated somewhere behind you. You paid no mind to it, your eyes going over how his head was dreamily rested on his hand.

"Okay, so," he began. "Hypothetically speaking. . . If you're a senior, would you date a guy that's a sophomore?"

You rolled your eyes, but decided to mess with Peter. "Well, what's the guy like?"

Michelle snorted.

"He's, uhm. . . He's pretty smart. Really nice, I think—"

"He's a cutie!" Ned chimed in.

You shrugged. "Well, if that's all he has going for him. . ."

"No!" Peter retaliated. "He's really cool, and uh, thinks you're pretty! Yeah, you're pretty."

You felt your face heat up and you were glad that none of your friends were looking at you for once.

-

You were warned that the people you walk into high school with would never be the people you'd walk out of high school with. People grew apart and that was life, apparently. You didn't think those warnings would actually apply to you, though. You thought the four of you were too strong together to separate.

By the time sophomore year was halfway done, you were proved dearly wrong.

You thought Liz would be the only strain on your friendship with Peter, but his behavior drastically changed out of nowhere then suddenly he got an internship with Stark Enterprises. Peter was one of the smartest people you ever met, so you weren't surprised. If anything, the real surprise was he not only quit the only class he had with you—which was music—but he stopped even trying to talk to you.

You and Michelle decided to stop sitting with Peter and Ned during lunch.

"There he goes again," Michelle pointed.

You followed her gaze and saw that Peter was fawning over Liz again, which was weird considering he rarely showed up during lunch anymore.

It hurt. You knew that now. Missing Peter wasn't something you'd expect to feel, but lately? It's all you've felt.

You didn't have to miss MJ or Ned, because you still saw them and talked to them regularly. It was only Peter. Always Peter freaking Parker.

Maybe you took him for granted. You'd never thought that there'd come a day that you'd stop sharing food, sharing classes, sharing a conversation.

"No point in regretting it," you said aloud.

It was more for yourself than to Michelle. You made your decision on who Peter was to you, so it would only be a waste of time in wondering who he could have been.

Junior Year

Something changed sophomore year. Ned told you that Peter ditched the academic decathlon which resulted in him getting detention. That was something you never expected to hear, considering Peter was the perfect example of Midtown High's star student.

The beginning of junior year, you saw him in music. He stayed this time.

He seemed to be taking advantage of "conveniently" getting the same class like before. He made a point to talk to you again—during class and lunch—and it was like he never ditched you and MJ.

"Oh my God," you rolled your eyes. You aggressively turned your body to face Peter who sat beside you. "You just want to win! You're not even right!"

He looked at Ned and MJ sat in front of you two for help, but they only stared back with clear amusement. (The four of you assumed your usual seats from freshman year, so you would always get squished against Peter's side at lunch again.)

"It doesn't matter if I'm right!" he exclaimed with big hand gestures. "A debate is a debate! You could be right—I'm not saying you are—but I'm just better at debating than you."

Ned did a terrible job at hiding his laughter from the argument you were having with Peter.

This was something that you were happy you had the chance of getting used to again—not that you'd ever tell Peter that. As soon as the school year began and all of you sat together, not so playful yelling was all that accompanied the lunch table.

The dorky boy loved proving himself right, and you loved proving people wrong. As soon as the second week of sharing lunch in the cafeteria passed by, it would have been weird not to bicker with him like before.

Michelle slammed her book closed, startling the three of you to silence. "Look," she said, giving you and Peter a death glare. "Y/N, Peter has some good points—all only technical, but still good."

Peter thanked her and you huffed, upset MJ wasn't on your side.

"Shut up, Peter," she said. "Peter, Y/N's still right, and you're just gross."

"Ha!" you yelled, then rose from the table's bench and reached over to high-five Ned. (You were sure he'd side with either of you, but it was the thought that counts.)

Peter scoffed. "It's not that gross," he said, refusing to take Michelle's answer. "If you were on a deserted island with a bag of frozen chicken nuggets and no microwave, it would still be safe to eat them—"

"The directions say to microwave them for a reason, Peter!" you interrupted.

"It's already cooked!" he brought up, which was something he pointed out earlier in the conversation. "It's cooked before it's frozen, then you can just warm it up in the microwave—but that doesn't mean you have to—"

"Y'know what, fine," you said, slamming your hands down on top of the lunch table. "You can eat frozen chicken nuggets all you want, Peter. But I am going to warm mine up in the microwave like everybody else. And if you get some weird disease, don't come crying to me because I was right—"

"I won't come crying back to you! Because I'm still right!"

The bell rang, signaling the end of your lunch before you could put another word in. The four of you immediately rose, with MJ and Ned heading straight to the band room.

You reached down for your backpack, only not to find it where you left it. Turning around, Peter held it in the air for you to shrug on. Just like before.

The two of you silently walked side by side to your locker so you could switch out textbooks and get one of Peter's sweaters that he always "forgot" in there.

"How's that one guy doing?" Peter asked, one hand in his jean pocket with the other gripping his backpack strap.

You shrugged, opening your locker. He leaned against the locker next to yours, staring you down with his usual grin.

You'd be damned if you didn't say puberty was doing Parker well. You wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn't ditched you last school year, but he definitely got. . . toned, to say the least. He also learned how to use hair gel and walked around school with clothes that seemed to make him more confident.

You cleared the thoughts away. Those things were only noticeable because you were friends with him. Obviously.

"You mean Carlos?" you replied. You reached into the locker and sorted out what you needed to.

Peter nodded then grabbed the textbooks you had in your arms. You shut the locker and the two of you began your walk to the band room.

"I'm pretty sure he was flirting with me, which was nice," you told your friend. "But he stopped talking to me out of nowhere and hasn't even opened my messages since."

He scrunched his eyebrows. "Here, lemme see the messages."

Before you could reach in your back pocket for your phone, Peter beat you to it with his free hand. He unlocked it and went to the messages. While reading it, he chuckled.

"Seriously, Y/N?" he said, amused. "That's why he stopped replying! You called him 'dude!'"

You gave him a shocked look. "So what? I call everyone dude."

Making it to the band room, you opened the door and followed Peter in. He spoke while the two of you set down your belongings. "You friend-zoned him."

You scoffed. "I did not!"

He gave you a look. "Y/N. I've been friend-zoned enough times to know when somebody else is getting friend-zoned."

You rolled your eyes and turned around to get yours and Peter's instruments, but something felt off about what he said. You didn't really care about talking to Carlos, but what Peter said felt like it was partially directed to you. You didn't blame him, because you technically did friend-zone him. . . but that was two years ago! Clearly he let it go by now, because you definitely did.

Senior Year

You and Michelle stumbled inside her home, waving a goodbye to Peter—who dropped you two off—before shutting the front door.

"Dude," you turned to her. She looked at you with glazed eyes, but was still able to keep her focus. You continued, "I am so gone."

Both of you giggled, leaning on each other to take off your shoes and put aside your bags. MJ led you to a couch, retrieved water from the kitchen, then sat next to you. She chugged the water down with a hand clearly steadier than yours. "What do you mean?" she asked. Her eyes were bloodshot and droopy, but she looked put together for the most part.

You shrugged lazily, taking a sip of your water. "You've seen me smoke," you said to her. "I've been. . . chill, buzzed, whatever. But right now? I am high." Laughter interrupted whatever you could have said next, though you weren't sure if you had anything to say.

She laughed with you, still clearly having a good time despite being more sober. "Really?"

"Yeah," you nodded. "Like," you looked around the room, searching for the right set of words. "I haven't been this high in a while. . . Like, you've never seen me this gone."

"Ooh," she rubbed her hands together comically. "I'm excited."

You rubbed your eye, forgetting the makeup you had on. "Why?"

"Because!" she chirped up. "You know what they say? Drunk words are sober thoughts. Well, high words too, maybe."

You shook your head with a smile before drinking more water. You didn't mind letting loose with Michelle; you trusted her, which was why you smoked as much as you did in the first place. You were comfortable enough to allow her to see this side of you, even if there was the chance you might not remember any of it in the morning.

You helped each other up the stairs, having decided you should at least take off your makeup and change your clothes. (Thank God her parents weren't coming home that night.) By the time you both finished, you were seated comfortably on the couch once again, this time underneath one large blanket and with the television playing late night cartoons in front of you. A single lamp as well as the TV were your only light sources, which kept the living room in a dim glow.

"Can I be honest?" you spoke over the cartoons, startling Michelle. Neither of you were sobering up at all, but that fact didn't stop anything.

She nodded and turned off the TV. MJ turned to completely face you, giving you her attention. "Yeah," she said. "What's up?"

You began rambling without hesitation. "You know how Peter was at the game? Well, of course he was. He had to be because the band was playing for the football team and he's in band. . . But anyways, I didn't talk to him at all—he always seemed busy with somebody else—but I couldn't stop. . . I don't know. I caught myself looking for him a lot, like, to see if he moved around the bleachers or something."

Michelle nodded, allowing you to continue.

"Okay, well. . . I don't know, dude," you continued. "You remember how we had crushes on each other freshman year? Well—I don't think I have a crush on him, I swear—but I feel something. . . It's weird. He's one of my best friends but I know there's something stronger there."

She looked around the room thoughtfully, searching for a reply. "What do you feel?"

It was hard to think clearly and how to explain yourself; the only word that stayed in your head the entire time was his name. Peter, Peter, Peter.

You began rambling. As soon as the words left your mouth, you instantly forgot what they were, but that didn't stop you from talking. "Michelle, it's so weird. I've never really told you this but, remember when he had a crush on Liz? And when he ditched us for a while after that? I—I think I missed him. And not just as a friend. You know what, I don't know."

Peter, Peter, Peter.

You shook your hands in the air as if you could shoo your thoughts away.

You continued. "I care about him as a friend and stuff, but I don't think how I've felt about him is how I feel about other people, like you or Ned. It's different. Like, I don't want to lose him. I don't want him out of my life."

Peter, Peter, Peter.

You sighed. "When he was gone for the whole Stark Internship thing, it felt like I really lost someone. I mean, I don't have to talk to you or Ned for days—weeks, even—and I'll be fine. But when the same thing happened with Peter? I would feel so. . . lost."

Michelle nodded, staying attentive the entire time. There was a part of you that knew she wasn't high enough to forget any of this, though you were sure you wouldn't remember much.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked.

You shrugged, looking down at your hands. Peter, Peter. "What does it sound like to you? I don't know what I'm feeling is called, but it's definitely not just a friendly thing."

She stared at you for a moment, contemplating what to do next. "I'm not sure if this has anything to do with you two," she began, "but I think you should know. . . You know how you'd leave during lunch sometimes to go to the bathroom?"

You nodded, recalling the multiple occasions.

"Well," she continued. "Ned and I talked about it, and we noticed that Peter's not the same when you're gone, either. Like, he'd look so bored and would play games on his phone compared to when you're at the table and he'd never stop talking."

You imagined him doing so. "Huh."

"Yeah. . ." she said. "Let's just go to sleep, okay? Sleep on it, and I'll remind you whatever you forgot you said in the morning, alright? Then we can figure out what to do."

As soon as MJ said the word "sleep," you instantly realized how heavy your eyelids felt. You nodded at her proposal, and laid yourself down on the couch with her.

You weren't sure if your eyes were closed or if it was just that dark in the living room, but you were definitely thinking. You imagined the feeling of being brushed against Peter's body, whenever you sat next to each other or walked side by side in the school halls. He started driving recently, and for some reason you always got shotgun while MJ and Ned didn't hesitate to sit in the back. You could nearly feel your elbows touching when you both leaned on the console at the same time. You remembered the times he'd laugh around you, uncaring about how loud it might've been, as well as the fact that he said your name more times in one day than anybody else did in a whole month.

His absence sophomore year definitely put a strain on you. You loved Michelle and Ned to bits, but you were pretty sure you might've loved Peter in a different way.

Him being out of your life for that period of time was confusing but, at the same time, clearer than looking through a window. You managed to keep tabs on him even if it meant only scrolling through his Instagram or seeing how he'd hold himself across the hall. You knew then that you cared about that boy more than you ever cared for anyone else.

You were terrified of you two becoming more than friends because that meant you had a chance of it ending badly and never talking to him again. Staying friends meant staying safe.

It meant that you had more of a chance of him being with you, which is what you knew you always wanted. You knew you'd be happy, crush or not, as long as Peter was in your life the rest of the way.

Is that what it feels like to love?

-

You nervously rubbed your hands together, which gained odd looks from other students due to the warm New York weather. It was a few months after that fated night with Michelle, the day of the senior field trip. The entire senior class got to go into the city and do whatever they wanted for an entire school day.

Michelle coolly stood beside you, her hands in both her jacket pockets. "I'm excited," she admitted.

You squinted at her. "For what?"

An uncharacteristic smile broke her face. "You know! You're finally gonna confess your feelings to Parker. It's about time, honestly. Ned and I were beginning to think about calling off our deal we started freshman year—"

"Hey guys!" a voice chimed in from afar.

You gave MJ a look to stop talking about the subject, watching Ned and Peter walking towards you two.

"I am so excited," Ned said. You caught him giving Michelle a wink, which told you that she informed him of the "plan."

You would've groaned if Peter weren't standing right next to you.

"Me too!" Peter said obliviously. "I really want to check out that new pop culture museum."

A teacher announced for everyone to gather up and get inside the bus. The four of you sat in the back together, you and MJ sharing one seat while Peter and Ned were seated right in front of you.

"I'm scared of getting lost, honestly," Ned confessed a bit after the bus began moving.

Peter huffed his chest. "Don't worry, man! The internship," he winked at the three of you, "really let me get to know the city, so I'll know everywhere we go."

You and MJ rolled your eyes together. Peter had shared his secret about being Spider-Man with the two of you not too long after he got his license, only because his "spider senses were tingling" right before avoiding a crash.

"By 'everywhere' do you mean all the port-a-potty's?" you teased him.

Peter made a face. "That was one time! Ya use the bathroom once and that's when the paparazzi show up," he whispered to himself.

-

You were nervous for nearly the entire day due to the anticipation of confessing to Peter. It was hard figuring out when and where to do so; should you make a big deal out of it like one big crush proposal or just bring it up out of nowhere as if it were the most normal thing to say?

Decisions, decisions.

The four of you were inside the new Museum of Pop Culture, wandering around aimlessly with offhand remarks for everything in the exhibits.

"Guys," Ned said. He walked beside Michelle while you and Peter were behind. "The horror exhibit actually looks pretty scary."

You peeked through the glass doors, the exhibit on the other side. All you could see was red glowing from the ceiling, which did make Ned seem correct.

"Never fear," Peter whispered to the three of you. "Spider-Man is here."

Your group walked through the doors, instantly being met by speakers blasting screams and haunting music. The red lights from above were your only source of light, leading the way deeper into the exhibit.

"Oh," MJ said softly. "Y/N, don't look up."

Not many things scared you, but you knew that Michelle was well aware of what did.

Trusting her, you instinctively gripped onto Peter's upper arm and watched your feet move on the ground. You noticed he instantly tensed at the contact, his bicep tougher with your fingers barely able to wrap around it.

"It's alright, Y/N," Peter said, looking up to see what MJ was talking about. "It's not even that ba—ohmygod we're not walking that way."

He redirected you to the left after the exhibit opened up into a large room. You heard Ned and Michelle chuckle at Peter, who allowed the two of you to move in front of them.

"Dude," you heard Ned from behind. "It's just a bunch of hanging bodies wrapped like. . . mummies?"

Knowing you were well past whatever MJ told you not to look at, you raised your head and took in your surroundings.

"Oh," you said. "It's not that bad."

You looked to the right side of the room where Peter made a point not to cross and saw what Ned was talking about. You laughed, letting go of Peter's arm. "You call yourself Spider-Man? It's not even that scary."

All of you stopped and stood with one of the walls behind you, scoping out the exhibit.

"That's the one thing I don't like!" Peter complained.

Michelle walked over to the small area of fake bodies hanging from the ceiling, all of them covered with cloth and net. She poked it.

"It's fake, you dork," she said.

You and Ned followed her and saw the bodies made a maze, leading to an explanation on what movie that section was about. The three of you taunted Peter, walking into the maze.

The brunette puffed his chest. "Yeah, whatever."

He was last to go inside, the rest of you well ahead. There was a line of bodies between you and him, so you pushed the one closest to him.

Peter screeched.

"One thing!" he screamed. "That is the one single thing! I hate you guys!"

The rest of you broke out into laughter.

-

You were all seated in a McDonald's booth, leisurely eating your shared meals. You had assumed the same seating as you always did for lunch at Midtown.

You felt a kick from under the table. Looking up, Michelle gave you a pointed look.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," she announced.

She scooted out of the booth and stood up.

"Oh yeah, me too." Ned said.

The two of them walked towards the back of the fast food restaurant.

So this was it.

How the hell were you going to do it? You didn't even know if Peter had any feelings more than platonic for you. What if all he felt was platonic? You would make things awkward, ruin your friendship, waste all that time for the past four years being one of his best friends for something non-mutual.

You could hear your heart beating through your eardrums. Your hand shook a little every time you raised a fry to your mouth.

You were terrified. You weren't sure if confessing would even be worth it. In a few months, high school would be over. You'd have no good reason to see any of your friends everyday again, nonetheless Peter by himself.

Maybe you've just been overthinking everything. It wouldn't have been hard to believe that your feelings came only from convenience of going to the same school, having the same class, eating at the same table.

You cared for him, but maybe that was all there was. It could just be an unconditional love, like loving a brother.

You shook your head at yourself. That wasn't it; you definitely did not think of Peter as a brother. Even a little graze against him made your senses go wild. Every time you had eye contact with him, you'd force yourself not to look away despite thinking he'd always have been able to look straight into your soul and know what you felt.

You always knew what he would say if he saw you do something stupid, and you were always excited to hear what he'd think about something that happened to you when he wasn't there. You'd be able to recognize his laugh a mile away, and being the cause of his smile made you feel light.

You knew he'd tell you the truth on which shirt looked better with which jeans and not just say you looked good no matter what. He'd make sure to take stray lint out of your hair and point out if you had something in your teeth.

You've had short crushes on other people, and you even dated some of them for an amount of time. They never made you feel the same way Peter did.

You remembered the feelings you had when you found out he went to homecoming with Liz Allen sophomore year. When you learned of his crush on her, it was a dull ache. But when you even saw them at the dance together? It pierced.

But you were still able to get back to the groove of your feelings after that.

Yeah, you might've been in love with Peter Parker. What took you four years to realize that?

"Hey, Y/N?"

Your head jerked up and you looked at him beside you. God, what were you going to do? Could you bring yourself to say it?

Shut up,you thought to yourself. Eventually, it'll be too late. Say it now.

Peter continued talking after you stayed silent.

"I know this is really out of the blue," he said. He put down the burger in his hands and faced you completely. "But I just want to say thank you for everything. We're gonna be graduating pretty soon and. . . I don't know. I just really appreciate you—and MJ and Ned—for sticking around."

You nodded your head, urging him to continue, nervous to hear what he had to say next.

"Things were really weird after I got bit by the spider and I still feel like shit for ditching you guys for a while. . . But thanks for letting me come back. I couldn't have ever imagined getting better people in my life than you three. Even if we go across the country for college or something, I really hope we can all stay friends. I love you guys, you know."

Oh.

You smiled at him like he did to you. Friends.

You cleared your throat. "I love you too, Pete."