#and adepti are spying on their matchmaking to watch Zhongli's back

[laryna6]

SO You’re an archon looking to retire, the question is can ur humans survive god-level threats without you?

You know what would make sure ur humans can protect themselves? 

An Actual Effing Army! 

A trained, veteran military force and a financial institution to fund it in perpetuity can be yours for the low, low price of one (1) gnosis!

Order now and we’ll throw in HARBINGER TARTAgLIA.

He slices and dices! He stirs and flies (hang glider not included)!

BUT he DOES come with not just a vision, not just a delusion, but **the power of the Abyss!**

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AU where Childe is summoned to the Tsaritza’s throne and told his mission is to go throw down with the actual effing **God of War** as many times as it takes to prove that Childe plus his troops are capable of ensuring the defense of Liyue.

And then, while Childe is trying not to burst into the hymn, “My Goddess Is An Awesome Goddess,” adding that he should go nuts buying gifts for his family and generally throwing money around because he needs to convince Morax that the Bank under his control will be a Good Provider for Liyue’s new army so it won’t take tax funds away from providing for the citizens.

So: Zhongli being followed around by Harbinger who is IN LOVE (with your carnage) and taking every opportunity to prove he’ll be a good Sugar Daddy. Fortunately, there are many opportunities to do so, since Zhongli has Habits after ruling Liyue for thousands of years and keeps trying to Support The Arts and Subsidize Prescription Costs For The Poor on a consultant’s budget...