#and add hearts where I can because why not they're implied anyway

[shierak-inavva]

a little late birthday doodle for myself 💛

[fiera-writes]

Alright, so. I finally rewatched Megamind after meaning to for like two weeks or so, basically ever since the sequel movie came out. And for several reasons, nooot a fan of how the sequel was handled honestly. So, I thought with the original movie fresh in my mind, I could try to brainstorm a couple things I might have done with a sequel.

To start with, the Doom Syndicate. The original movie makes no reference to Megamind knowing any other villains, let alone ever working with them in the past. So, if they were to be included I feel it should be more in a "Oh I've heard of them, they're from that one town a couple states over" way. Acquaintances at best.

But then again, the original movie also seems to imply that if there are any other superheroes or villains, they're pretty dang rare. This isn't The Incredibles where some people are just born with super powers. I mean, no one from out of town came to try and stop Megamind after he "killed" Metro Man. With Titan/Tighten it all happened within a day so less time for outsiders to react, but Megamind had control of the city for a good while there.

So, if we want to keep the Doom Syndicate... it would need to be handled differently. Also get rid of that brain "Mentor" character. I don't really have any ideas for how, except...

Perhaps they're originally fictional in-universe, from a Saturday morning cartoon or a video game or something. One way or another, they're made real and now Megamind has to stop them and probably make them fictional again. Could also be achieved with a different set of villains.

Another way to do a new villain could be Dimensional travel. Say there's some sort of a Bizarro universe, where Metro Man was evil and Megamind was good to start with. Or both were evil and teamed up to do evil. In any case, Alternate Universe Evil Metro Man gets transported to the main universe, causes mayhem. Might even force the Metro Man we know out of retirement temporarily, or not. If he does show up in public, would probably make an excuse of how he's also from some other universe specifically summoned to help out, thus explaining why he's gone again afterwards. Dude just wants to make music.

To add, the dimensional traveling villain doesn't even need to be a version of Metro Man, they could also be anyone else. Some other alien, a dude who fell into acid and got powers from it, idk man.

Hear me out, an Evil Spider-Man of sorts. That is, someone who starts out as a normal human being, perhaps an outcast, and by some twist of fate receives powers, which they proceed to use for evil. Might be re-treading Hal's deal a little but idk what I'm doing anymore.

Evil Bruce Wayne? A rich guy with weird gadgets and the skill to use them, for evil. Would probably be harder to pull off since Megamind's whole deal is how smart he is.

A Mad Scientist type. Megamind is an Evil Scientist, but not a "mad" one, he just builds a death ray powered by the sun because he's that smart. Put him against someone whose ideas make no sense to him but somehow still work.

Misguided hero? Not really a villain but would be an antagonist for the story, someone who's convinced that Megamind's redemption is all an act maybe? Would probably need powers of some sort to be an actual threat.

Alright then, let's move onto something else for a change: MegaRox. My shipper heart needs them either clearly together or clearly working on that. But the original movie does seem to imply they're already together by the time the new museum has opened. I mean, the way she jumped into his arms and then kissed him? Sure it was on the cheek but that wasn't a platonic thing. It's about the context!

No further notes on that, so I present to you... Prequel!

Takes place before Metro Man fakes his death so he can retire, and therefore Megamind is still Evil.

MegaRox wouldn't be an established relationship but did y'all see them at the start of the original? That was practically flirting anyway and that dynamic should be present.

Maybe it could even be early into his villain career? Show how he really got started as a Super Villain, the first kidnappings of Rocanne Ritchi, gaining notoriety, and how Roxanne learned that she's honestly in more danger of getting hit by stray debris from Metro Man's dramatic entrances than from anything Megamind aims at her.

I doubt I'll ever develop any of these ideas into a coherent story but if anyone wants to yoink a thought, go wild. I'm also down for discussing any of these.

[liesmyth]

Hi ❤️ I was wondering, do you have some recs/advices for light cardio HIIT sessions? I follow a weight lifting program online split on 3 days, i'd like to do some type of cardio on a fourth day but online there is.. TOO MUCH infos, i'm basically a beginner still and i'm getting so confused 😭

hi hi thank you for asking I LOVE these questions ❤️ I totally get what you mean about Too Much Information, fitness internet is chockfull of info but it can and does get overwhelming (and contact story!) especially if you're a beginner.

On cardio: I'm a big cardio fan, and could yap about the benefits all day. However! I feel very strongly that the best kind of cardio is the one that you actually like doing. If you're "just" looking to add "do more cardio" to your schedule, without any specific goals, the type of cardio matters a lot less than whether it's going to be fun for you to do. It can be as simple as doing 15/20 mins on an exercise bike after you're done at the gym, or dancing to kpop videos in your bedroom, or going on a moderate hike on Saturdays. If you want to add some more structured workouts, that's also great — more on that below — but IME, finding a form of cardio that you actually enjoy is a lot more important in the long run than trying to find THE perfect cardio workout.

this is the part where I yap. sorry.

SAMPLE CARDIO ROUTINE FOR LIFTERS from this amazing (very insightful!) r/fitness post by a lifting coach who's very solid

Something like this is IMO ideal if you don't have time or inclination to do much else. If it looks good to you, stop here! No need to read on. If you want more info and resources, go on

What's HIIT anyway?

sorry to be pedantic BUT I think it's important when exploring online fitness resources to know this: "light HIIT" is a misnomer. HIIT has become kind of a buzzword that's overused in fitness circles for marketing / SEO reasons, and I understand why (visibility!) but I wanted to clarify this just so you know what to look for going forward. HIIT = "High-intensity interval training": short bursts of exercise that have your heart literally jumping in your throat, followed by recovery. You're meant to give it your absolute all and flop dead like a fish on the grass when you're done. The upside is that HIIT workouts are very short; the downside is that they're very intense, and it can be kind of mentally daunting to psyche yourself up to do it.

So maybe I don't want to do the mentally daunting workout. What else is there?

NON-HIIT WORKOUTS THAT FUCK

Just because something is branded as "HIIT" when it's not, it doesn't mean it's not a damn good workout in its own right. Here is a youtube playlist from a "follow along workouts" fitness influencer who I LOVED during the pandemic (Caroline Girvan, I've yapped about her before). I used to do one of her cardio-heavy workouts once a week as an integration to an at-home fitness routine. That playlist I linked includes 92 (NINETY TWO) workouts. Some are bodyweight, some use dumbells for resistance; pick and choose.

LIGHT CARDIO

Maybe this is what you were looking for in the first place! LISS = Low-Intensity Steady Cardio. As the name implies, instead of "high-intensity bursts + recovery" style of workout, LISS workout means that you constantly keep moving at a steady rate. The downside is that LISS workouts are much longer, and maybe more dull, and you're better off doing them multiple times a week to see benefits. The upside is that they're less taxing on your body and require less recovery time, and they can be paired up with lifting days. Something like 15 mins on an exercise bike as a cooldown after lifting + one longer session (40+ min) on a day you don't lift would be what I think of as "integrating cardio into a lifting schedule" if you don't want to do anything high intensity. Replace exercise bike with walking up an incline or jogging or swimming or dancing or whatever. You can mix and match. You can take a brisk half hour walk 3 times a week and go on a hike every other weekend. Just find something that you enjoy and can stick to ( <- personally I have an audiobook I save to listen to ONLY when I'm doing chill-ish cardio to entertain me during)

Nevermind those alternatives. I want to do HIIT anyway. What do I do?

resources: introduction to HIIT writeup from r/HIIT (not famliar with the sub but the guide looks pretty solid) + some examples of HIIT workouts that you can do anywhere depending on your preferences (bodyweight training, exercise bike or rowing machine, kettlebell swings etc)

Here's an example of a follow-along HIIT workout from an influencer I think is very solid: ONE, TWO. They're 15 minutes long and pretty much what I mean when I say that HIIT is meant to be short and deadly; you do something like this, you recover, you're done.

BIG disclaimer: Don't start with any moves that are too fancy at first. Because HIIT = high intensity, that mostly translates into "doing some moves very fast to try and get your heart rate up within the interval window" and some people interpret that as trying to get in as many reps as possible. this goes extra hard for "follow along" workouts but also in general. If you're not very familiar with those moves, you can risk injury. Some HIIT routines are very dynamic, and if you don't have the movements nailed down, you're better off focusing on maintaining form rather than doing them really fast.

Other disclaimer: I would still pair up HIIT once a week with some more chill cardio on lifting days. If it's possible. But if you're doing HIIT in an intense way, that's already a lot!

TLDR

Summing up. Example of HIIT workouts. Follow alongs: one, two, three. I'd recommend doing one of these once a week if you like them, on a non-lifting day. If these aren't your speed, then a longer session of moderate cardio on a non-lifting day would be good, depending on what you have access to and enjoy. You can also do moderate cardio on lifting days if you're feeling extra motivated.

long-ass science-y article on benefits of cardio for weightlifters because I just really love this blogger

[that-random-outsider]

OMG SO MANY THOUGHTS SO MANY FEELINGS

FIRST OF ALL WE GOT TO SEE THE SHORT KING HIMSELF AND I LOVE HIM!!! He is trying so hard to get Charlie to like him. Omg how do I describe him he's just so done with everything. He's like everything Charlie could become but refuses to. He's given up on his people, broken all of his dreams, and retreated into his solitude scared to call everyone who loves him.

Omg and Alistor is so.. interesting!! The way we got to experience him through his relationship with mimzy and Charlie we get this whole new side of him. It's clear that he was over emphasizing him and Charlie's relationship to piss off Lucifer but you could tell he at least partially cared. And the way husk described his relationship with mimzie he loves his friends so much. He's willing to fight anyone who picks a fight with those he cares about and that same sentiment applies to Charlie and everyone else now too, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

The Hazbin Hotel doesn't make sinners better people because of lesson plans or exercises, everyone makes each other better by providing them with some place they can just be free. Somewhere where they don't have to worry about being murdered, eaten, or robbed, they just get to be their authentic self and they get a chance to realize that there's more to life. (Or death)

As for episode six shit Don’t get me started bro. A HELL IS FOREVER REPRISE!??? LIKE ARE THEY KIDDING ME??? THAT SHIT WAS INCREDIBLE!!! NOT ALL OF HEVEN IS A PEACE OF SHIT??? I LOVE THAT ANGLE!!! I was so sure that all of heaven was just going to be like pompous ass holes but like they didn't even know!!

I'm not surprised Vaggie was an angel I always thought those theories were pretty justified but I have so many questions like how gid Vaggie really get her name? Adam said he chose it but that would imply he was in a position to do so which would make no sense in the context that she had a life on earth unless it was forced upon her.

The only alternative would be that she spawned in heaven as an exorcist but we also know she is in fact dead as of 2014 so that would imply that when she let that demon go she didn't just become a fallen angel she was actually killed which would also mean that heaven born Intatiees do still have souls and can in fact become sinner demons which means there's a chance we'll get to meet that decapitate angel after all.

Anyway uhm idk why but I kind of like Cherrie and sir pensious it's actually too hilarious to not at least cravk a smile be for real. Also MY BOY ANGEL IS ALL GROWN UP 🥺 SAYING NO TO DRUGS AND EVERYTHING I'M SO PROUD OF HIM!!!!!

I'm sorry but Am the Seraphim has my heart and she and Charlie should just hang out together and pet koalas all day pleaseeee!! Omg These Last two episodes were incredible and I can’t wait for next week. I wonder how Charlie will react to Vaggies secret. I'm not too worried about them Breaking up but that is definitely a conversation they're going to have to have. Hazbin Hotel had not disappointed yet and now I have 4 new songs to add on my playlist.

[beevean]

While I know Andrew is not perfect, a lot of people are swinging the other pendulum and acting like he's just as evil as Ashley if not more and the real abusive one of the situation or outright downplaying any nice trait he has (or any justified reason for why he acts the way he does)

Like, even if avoiding the consequences of his actions is a primary motivator, he really did feel bad about Killing her as well as Ashley's nonchalant reaction to it and the fact she used Nina's death to blackmail him, most of the venomous words for her are because said death and what she forced him into (which likely carries to how he treats her in high modern day)

Also the fact he knows what guilt w

I've been marinating in TCOAAL analyses, and the takes on both characters are fascinating.

My take is that Ashley is immoral, while Andrew is amoral. There is a difference between the two. The conflict comes from the fact that Andrew is aware of this, he's aware that it's "wrong", and tries very hard to be Ashley's moral compass to compensate. Ashley, ever since she was a kid, was made painfully aware that there was something "wrong" with her, no one except her brother loved her (and even then, who said that he wasn't pretending?), and her reaction was to embrace it.

(I'd really love to talk about their childhood, how Leyley displays behavior that she could have only learned from others, how they seem to have learned the lesson that "bad children don't deserve love" and how they cope with it)

The crux of the matter seems to be... did Andy really feel bad about Nina, or was his primary concern going to jail and being separated from Leyley? Is the trauma that stemmed from the incident from the feeling of guilt and remorse, or because that was the point where he became his sister's plaything and could not escape from her anymore? This seems, from what I've seen, what split the fans.

Rewatching the scene, Andy's first coherent dialogue is all about how the situation looks. "Why would have she clawed the lid if she was there willingly?" "She'll start to rot" "They're gonna know!". This once again hints at how Andy's first concern is "can this be traced back to us?". But to be fair, Leyley was the one who first said "you took off the stick, so it looks like she went there willingly", so he's responding to her.

But then he says "they'll throw me in prison for the rest of my life!" Which is very. Mh :)

Interpretation 1: Andy is being as self-centered as kids are prone to be. Nothing more to look into.

Interpretation 2: Andy only cares about himself and the consequences he's going to suffer. His sister's fate is up in the air. Lowkey implies that Andy didn't care much about her before this mess happened.

Interpretation 3: he genuinely thinks he's the main culprit of this incident. I want to add that this line happens before Leyley starts to hammer into his head that now he's bad and no one will love him anymore :) this would imply that Andy felt actual guilt.

There is probably not a concrete answer as of now. I hope episode 3 has more flashbacks because man they are so fascinating.

Anyway, to get back to the point. Andrew is not "evil". Andrew is a profoundly damaged person who was forced to become the everything of his even more damaged sister. Ashley is the "criminal mind", as it were... but to me, it looks like Andrew is on the same wavelength - remember, Ashley mused to herself that the dead neighbour was "a lot of meat", but Andrew, after the initial shock, immediately started to consider the implicit proposal of eating him. While Ashley wears her heart on her sleeve, is painfully honest, and couldn't care less about what anyone (except her bro) thinks of her anymore, Andrew is profoundly in denial about his own "abnormal" thoughts, and the difference between Decay and Burial is how he decides to accept himself.

Does that make him a better person? Well, he seems to be able to fit in more, at least. He's charming and can seemingly attract girls very easily, much to Ashley's chagrin. Maybe, without Ashley, he'd be able to live a normal life without crimes and all. But again, to me it looks like he lacks a moral compass in general, even though he has a strong sense of guilt and responsibility (which to me stems from being Leyley's sole caretaker since a tender age).

As to him being an abuser... well, he does threaten to slap and backhand Ashley a few times. She even calls him "wifebeater" at one point. Not enough to call him an abuser, but the threat of him becoming physical is always there. He's more than capable of subduing Ashley, when he wants to. Ashley's abuse is much more overt and constant, with her manipulation and guilttrips (and she got physical at least once too), but Andrew calmly choking Ashley and making her make a case for her life... has some implications.

I don't think I'm making sense lol. TCOAAL is a fascinating game that hides all sorts of moral questions underneath its over-the-top tone, and I love it.

[jinxed-sinner]

I find it really funny that Lucifer, despite knowing what a has-been is, says naming the hotel the Hazbin Hotel isn't very clever.

If you are unaware of what a has-been is like I was before I looked it up because I was curious about it, here's Merriam-Webster's definition:

You can kind of assume this definition when Vox refers to him as "a certain has-been who has been spotted cavorting around town" and when Alastor mentions Lucifer might have heard of him from his radio broadcast and Lucifer's response is "Guess that's why Charlie called it the Has-Been Hotel!"

However, I personally think calling it the Hazbin Hotel was clever, both because of Charlie's goals and because of how Alastor, who gave the hotel the name Hazbin, sees it, especially when you combine how Alastor sees it with Lucifer's past, as it's implied (or maybe outright stated, I don't entirely remember) that Lucifer's tried to redeem sinners before. When it's used as an insult against Alastor, it's referring to radio dying in popularity. Here, I'm referring to the "peak of effectiveness" part of the definition.

It works with Charlie's goals because demons who want to be redeemed will have passed their efficacy as demons, so to speak. The reason Lucifer was sent to Hell is presumably because the Higher Angels wanted Lucifer to only see the bad in humanity, not the good. By redeeming demons, the demons being redeemed and Charlie are helping counteract this, and allowing Lucifer to see the good in humanity, not just the bad. Demons no longer serve the purpose of showing Lucifer that giving humanity free will was bad; he's able to see the positives in it now, thus making demons "has-beens" to the angels who cast Lucifer down to Hell.

It works with Alastor's view of the hotel and Lucifer's past because Lucifer sees the cause as a "has-been" and Alastor shares that view, although I doubt he's ever thought redeeming sinners would work and if he knows Lucifer tried to at one point he probably thinks Lucifer's an idiot for even trying. Additionally, by the end of the first season, this mentality of "redeeming sinners is pointless" could also be considered a has-been because Alastor and especially Lucifer are proven wrong in their idea that redeeming sinners won't work, making it a has-been of the unpopular sort instead of the efficacy sort.

The demons being redeemed as well as the cause are viewed as "has-beens" and while I can't say whether that's intentional or not, I think it adds a layer to the hotel being called Hazbin Hotel. The redeemed sinners are has-beens in the sense that they're no longer effective at only exposing Lucifer to the bad side of humanity, and the cause itself is seen as a has-been until the last episode, where the mentality of the cause being pointless becomes a has-been.

To clarify, when Lucifer was introduced he was very much of the opinion that all sinners are horrible people beyond redemption, even saying himself "Charlie, sinners are violent psychopaths, hellbent on causing as much pain and destruction as they can. There's really no point in trying." He was very much proven wrong by Sir Pentious, and potentially even Angel Dust, Cherri, and Husk. Lucifer even directly references this in Finale:

Come on, little lady, why the frown? In the past ten thousand years You're the first one to change this town You can do this, now I know it!

Additionally, a few lines after those ones:

You've changed my mind, and touched their hearts

Anyway, naming the hotel Hazbin Hotel was incredibly clever and I will die on that hill.

[foxonfier]

i swear to god i had a post about pink floyd's the wall but now i can't find it. i feel like i'm going crazy ( i probably am! ) but anyway. been listening to this album on repeat, it is such a genuine banger, the story slaps and there is something genuinely so disturbing about it all. esp the second half of each side, anything past young lust actually ?? kills me??? and then in the flesh & beyond are just insanely fucked. ‘one of my turns’ and ‘don't leave me now’ are some of my favorite tracks on this album; they're so disturbing in their own right ( one of my turns going into an almost playful, sarcastic insinuation of violence -- while don't leave me now explicitly states the violence pink would like to commit against his wife, specifically ) and there's just! so much emotion and tension teeming in these songs. i love the slow build up in one of my turns, pink just completely snapping as he destroys everything in sight, this song just. ugh. UGH! his soft, melancholic voice growing into something frenzied and screaming, voice literally breaking and wavering with how unhinged he is. that screamed “oh no!” gets me EVERY TIME. it's so good. all of the emotion you can get from the singing alone is just.... truly insane. “in the suitcase on the left you'll find my favorite axe!” is my favorite line in this song because it's soooo. UGH THAT IMPLIED VIOLENCE !! like yes he's talking about a guitar but the word ‘axe’ is still used because pink has these fantasies of committing horrific violence against people. as we see in the next song, which.... i truly do love so much, the heavy breathing in the background accompanied by the deep piano, pink's heartbroken and angry voice..

obviously the threats of violence get a lot more explicit here; talking about putting his wife through the shredder, literally says he wants to beat her to a pulp on a saturday night. it's so horrific. shifting all of his blame on to her, his shaken and screaming “oh, babe” ?!?? god it's just phenomenal. the story is so fucked and you get all of these different emotions, not only from the character but from the instrumentals, the lyrics, you as the listener ... so many different factors combining together to create such a heart wrenching story on literally all sides. then pink smashes the shit out of a tv and screams in rage <3 this man and his violence. then he's like alright im isolating! bye! and obvs who doesn't love comfortably numb? but i think hearing it in the context of this album adds an entirely new layer to it, bc he's like... so fucked he's getting shot with a drug to go perform this concert, then he imagines himself turning into a neo-nazi and killing people for the next three songs. btw when i saw brit floyd they reenacted the scene from comfortably numb where pink is sitting basically lifeless in the chair and the doctor injects him to snap him out of it. it was SOOOOO GOOD. i'm like yes brit floyd this is why you're the best pf cover band ever. anyway. will probs have more thoughts on this amazing album tomorrow esp once the adderall kicks in wooo. might even try my hand at writing this insane man? who knows the world is my oyster

[soracities]

I'm not sure if maybe you've had a specific ask about this - I tried to read up everything on your blog but I may well have missed something(s) 🙈 - but as a 20 something woman who wanted (still wants) to go into an industry where looks matter very much, I feel very aware how a lot of people talk about beauty fading even when they're trying to speak against a lot of societal ideas related to youth. Often I think people concede that yes, 25+ you lose any hope of beauty but other stuff makes up for it. But I feel like I can't simply dismiss this loss as it may be a ruling factor in my professional future. I know one might simply say (as many already have to me) just do something else. But this is something quite important to me and I'm not ready to simply let it go. I was never conventionally attractive, I did not glow up, and I have yet to even now. This is long winded, perhaps too much context in effort to make it clear this isn't purely vain but what I'm trying to ask is do you believe in that time limit specifically for beauty? All other things aside just for this one instance, all the other growth and experiences, is it possible to exist as beautiful over the age of 25 without only being seen as a sort of ruin of what you should have been at the ages where value is placed?

I think the most important thing here is for you to ask yourself--and I mean really, really, ask yourself--why this is so important to you: what exactly is there here that would fulfill you in a meaningful way, that would add to your sense of self as a person, that you feel you can only get out of an industry that relies so heavily on and values physical appearance first. What can this bring that would feed your soul when the priority is what is on the surface? Is there actually something that this career can offer you on an emotional and personal level, something that will grow you as a person, that isn’t related to the potential validation / confidence-boost / affirmation of worth you would feel for succeeding or simply being accepted in a looks-based field as someone who doesn’t find themselves conventionally attractive to begin with?

Whether or not I believe in a time-limit for beauty is irrelevant here (for the record, I don’t; I have a lot of mistrust and skepticism towards image-focused industries anyway and I genuinely despise the term “glow-up” and everything it implies): I don’t know exactly what industry you have your heart set on, but generally speaking the fact that it is an industry means it will, almost always, be operating along incredibly narrow parameters of what it will and won’t accept, or will and won’t celebrate and these exist almost in a parallel reality to the world we actually live our day-to-day lives in. Beauty, and women’s looks particularly, in almost all areas of our society that prioritise these or are built on these, will always be inextricably tied to youth: and it will always be tied to youth because we, as a society, refuse to give women the agency that comes with age and a stronger sense of your own identity. Women are adornments, and our inner lives rarely acknowledged as a reality that far surpasses whatever form they are dressed in; when our inner lives do not matter, when they are seen as a blemish on whatever great Ideal that women’s beauty is meant to represent (that is, move less, speak less--that is: be static, like so many sleeping Venuses frozen in time in some European gallery) we become little more than dolls; physical beauty is no longer the shimmering kaleidoscope of responses a body makes to the world around it. It becomes, rather, like those fancy dinner plates that spend their entire lives stacked behind glass cabinets and whose value seems to stem exclusively from how seldom it is that you actually use them. The less women are touched by their experiences of living (and because of this, age becomes a huge deal in a way it never, or rarely, is for men) the better they are for looking at, because what matters is the looking. That you are living is an inconvenience to the Ideal. When people talk about beauty fading, this, in my view, is what they mean whether or not they realise it or admit it: it is not beauty and all the dynamism of actual beauty, but a beauty that is inseparable from youth because it is a beauty rooted entirely in an Ideal of womanhood that prioritises youth. So in this context, in this belief system, yes: beauty, as this system will perceive it, beyond 25 is a rarity, because it is entirely about how little of the world has touched you -- because it does not value women as people, only as a number, it cannot see anything beyond that number. It cannot accept grey hairs or wrinkles or sagging skin, cannot incorporate these within that dynamism genuine physical beauty has and all the forms it takes, despite being perfectly able to accommodate it for men. That doesn’t mean you are a “ruin” after this point or that this perspective is true: all it means is that, when you ascribe to this, you will see what you choose to see.

I have found women (and men) of various ages and ethnicities incredibly beautiful, but I know for a fact that the physical features that catch me are features that the beauty industry, or any of its offshoots, will not and do not recognise; this is what I mean when I say that what I believe is irrelevant--we do not look at or assess the world, and the people within it, in the same way. Appearance-focused industries will only see who fits the Type (or various Types) and who doesn’t--that is all. And these Types are not objective realities but conclusions drawn along classist, sexist, racist, able-bodied and eurocentric lines, each of which will be encompassed in various ways. They will elevate one group and utterly ignore the other (if not outright dehumanize them) and in doing so feed us a narrative about who matters and who doesn’t: who matters enough to be aspired to and who should do the aspiring in the first place in order to matter, despite the fact that this narrative, objectively, means nothing.

Again, I don’t know what the industry in question here is and there will be variations (modelling and being on stage, for instance will prioritise appearance very differently), but if, even after asking the most important question (why do I actually want this?), you insist on pursuing it then I think you need to do so with utmost clarity as to what exactly it represents and how exactly it sees the world, and realise that this perspective on age is neither definitive nor universal. It lives in its own world, manufactures its own truths and value systems and presents it to the rest of us as something pretty and benign yet somehow definitive when it is anything but. You will be asking for acceptance on their terms, you will be defining your life and your sense of worth regarding your appearance based on an arbitrary line in the sand drawn by an incredibly sexist system that needs to define women by a number in order to maintain its own importance. You will be stepping into an allocated space that may seem freeing from the outside (the message: if you have beauty, you have everything) but in reality is incredibly suffocating (if you have beauty, you’re now in constant fear of losing it) because it is too small, far too small, to ever actually sustain any part of you. This is not me being sanctimonious or trying to preach; I’m simply stating the facts as I have known them.They may not all be relevant to you or the industry you’re looking at, but I think it is important to be aware of them

At the end of the day, if this is the choice you want to make then it’s down to you ultimately. But you need to be very clear on where your values lie here and why, and also aware of what you are potentially losing for yourself going into it. At the end of the day people can dismiss age, and bring up facial symmetry and bone structure and the Fibonacci sequence as examples of an objective and timeless representation of beauty instead until the cows come home, but even these are not absolutes. People are not meant to be assessed and defined like Greek sculptures. Physical beauty does not exist on one plane as far as I’m concerned; it’s a sum of many, many different parts.

[itsany62]

SteveTony - Alternate Universe

Here are some Alternate Universe fics that I love. Don't forget to leave kudos and nice comments in every fic!

Food for the Heart, by LagLemon, 14 k >, Cooking, No Powers.

After being introduced to a gourmet food on a budget blog by Pepper (a gift for her elderly, cheapskate mother) Tony starts cooking again. The recipes are good, but the blog owner is even better. Still, Tony isn't so sure Captain America, the guy who runs the blog, can compete with Hot Bagboy, the gorgeous blond who works at the grocery store.

"Free to Good Home" by Captain_Panda, 7 k > words, Alternate Universe - Animals.

"Oliver and Company" AU.

There's a great big world outside the box.

But it's a dog-eat-dog world, and Tony's just one cat. Then a stray dog comes along, looking for a friend.

A Day In Principal Stark's Office, by nannersmelo, 10 k > words, Steve Single Parent, Director Tony.

Tony Stark has his hands full with not only Stark Industries, but also his beloved mother's life project: The Maria Stark Academy, and as he enters his office in order to deal with a ferocious mother whose son was apparently assaulted by one of his brightest students, he was sure this day would culminate in nothing but a heinous headache. Little did he know - he was in for one hell of a surprise.

I Am the Night by gottalovev, 6 k > words, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Vampire Tony Stark, Wizard Steve Rogers.

That's it. Tony is doomed. He rolls on his back, crosses his wings over his belly and closes his eyes. He'll await death here, misunderstood by the world to the bitter end.

C is for Calculus and Compromise, by heydoeydoey, 11 k>, Gifted AU, Post-Divorce, Angts with a Happy Ending.

Steve's just trying to give his prodigy daughter a normal childhood. Enter a meddling school administrator, Tony Stark, and too many lawyers.

tell you my love for you by jelliebean, 22 k > words, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Based on Love Simon.

A guy at Shield High comes out on tumblr, anonymously. Tony thought he was the only gay guy on campus--not out, because of Howard--and sends him an email.

“Hey, Flying. Same here. I’ve got a secret too, and it’s like I’m hiding who I am, every day. From everyone. All the closest people to me. But I just can’t tell them. I’m gay, too. It feels like I’m putting on this mask, this shell of who I think they want me to be. Even though I don’t think my friends would judge me. I don’t know why. I just. I’ve got a secret. –Shell”

The guy seems great--amazing, even, and then Hammer has to step in and ruin it all.

Mergers & Acquisitions by Robin_tCJ, 33 k > words, Angst, sex as currency.

Steve Rogers is the CEO of the Rogers Corporation, which he built from the ground up. When he learns that Hydra International is making a bid for a hostile takeover of Stark Industries, he decides he has to do what he can to stop Hydra from overtaking the market and becoming an unstoppable, unethical conglomerate. Tony Stark asks for something Steve isn’t sure he should give, but he does it anyway – and it completely changes everything. But when Hydra keeps coming, Steve and Tony realize there’s more to this than they’d realized.

Meeting the Monsters by itsallAvengers, 23 k > words, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters.

Tony's at public school with kids his age for the first time in seventeen years, and he is determined that this year is gonna be his year. He's going to make friends. He's going to be popular. People will like him.

Unsurprisngly, none of that actually happens.

He does sort-of-maybe fall in love with a vampire in his class that everyone is terrified of, though. So... there's that.

(I Want You To See) The Darkest Side Of Me by ann2who, 45 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Post-World War II.

In Monte Carlo, Steve meets the wealthy widower Anthony Stark. It’s love at first sight—at least for Steve—and he can’t believe his luck when Tony asks him to live at Stark Mansion, his large estate in Malibu. Never in his life had Steve thought something like this was possible… never had he been this happy. However, soon Steve realizes that Tony is still deeply troubled by the death of his first wife and haunted by the many ghosts she left behind. The longer Steve lives in her shadow, the more he understands that… He can never be what Tony’s wife had once been for him. And Tony might never truly love him.

Gift With Purchase Remix by sabrecmc, 43 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, hooker Steve, Sugar Daddy.

Gift With Purchase Remix wherein Steve actually is a hooker. But for a Really Sympathetic Reason.

The Little Glass Screwdriver by ann2who, 19 k > words, Cinderella AU.

When Prince Steven is forced to find himself a bride, true love gets in the way. As the night of the grand ball unfolds, the prince meets a mysterious knight who might just change his entire life in a way he could have never imagined.

**Cinderella AU**

Covered in Lines by royal_chandler, 3 k > words, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Alternate Universe - College/University, Age Difference.

He can’t lose sight of pale, deft hands that gesture on transitive verbs, an ink-stained thumb edging underneath Tony’s ribcage with an affection that can only be called dangerous.

half-wild and glimmering by deathsweetqueen , 15 k > words, Alternate Universe - Western, Prostitution.

“Give me a drink, Tasha,” Tony sighs as he lands in front of the bar. “I’ve had one hell of a day.”

Natasha raises an eyebrow. “Have you really?” she asks, loftily, sliding a tumbler of whiskey along the well-polished wood.

Tony lets his head hang, the sweat beading on the back of his neck. “You wouldn’t believe what I’ve had to put myself through today,” he sighs, wearily.

“I would not know. You will not let me work the rooms,” Natasha retorts, her voice a little strained, busying her hands in a dirty glass.

“I don’t let you work the rooms ‘cause you’re liable to kill anyone who touches ya the wrong way and we can’t lose that much of our business,” Tony reminds her, wryly amused, sipping at his whiskey. He shakes his head at the burn. “We peddle flesh, darling, not death.”

peers, fears and holiday cheers by jacobby, 24 k > words, Parent Tony Stark.

“He’s only two years older than you,” Tony finally says when the silence becomes too much to bear.

“Dad, Teddy is turning twenty-seven next year.”

“I am not dating your husband—”

“I’m not implying you are. I just want you to be...aware that he’s practically the same age as my husband.”

AKA

Tony Stark's new boyfriend is only two years older than his adult sons. Telling them is one thing, introducing them is another. What Tony doesn't expect is that the past always has a way of catching up to him, of biting him in the ass when he least expects it. Well, at least they're all together for the Holidays. What more can he ask for?

A Higher Form of War by sabrecmc, 292 k > words, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Historical Romance.

Tony is a King with a surprising number of people out to kill him. Steve and the rest of the Avengers are fighting for Pierce's rebellion and end up with Tony as their prisoner. Oops.

you can call me babe for the weekend by complicationstoo, 10 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, actor Tony Stark.

Tony left his small town for Los Angeles after high school, leaving behind everything to pursue his dream. Ten years later, he comes back for the first time and finds that some things are impossible to let go of.

Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be by iam93percentstardust, 72 k > words, Alternate Universe - Theatre.

Famed director Phil Coulson brings Shakespeare’s beloved play, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, to Broadway. This production though comes with a twist: a brief but passionate love affair between the faerie king, Oberon, and his attendant, Puck. In the roles of the two star-crossed lovers, Coulson casts America’s darling Steve Rogers, fresh off his third Academy Award, and Broadway royalty, Tony Stark. Steve quickly finds himself falling for the quick-witted and sarcastic actor but Tony is dating the stage manager. Unwilling to come between the seemingly happy couple, Steve steps back but all isn’t right behind the scenes and Tony may need him when everything falls apart.

and so we rebuild by raeldaza, 26 k > words, Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Soulmates, Mutual Pining.

Sometimes, a voice whispers: you will never atone for your mistakes.

Tony believes that, believes it so strongly some days he drowns in it, but he still tries. Tries through Starfleet, tries through inventions, tries through missions. Then, one day, he meets his new Captain, and things change.

and teach this heart (how to beat with light), by starklystar, 40 k >, AU Hospital, Single parent Steve.

Eight years ago, at a funeral with a baby's cries ringing in his ears, Tony Stark decided to turn his life around. He's a genius, billionaire, philanthropist. What's so hard to adding 'doctor' to that list? And after that, it can't be that hard to add 'husband' and 'father' too, right? But the past has a way of haunting even the very best of us, and in any universe, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers have never had an easy love.

Featuring: drama, chaos, Peter's scheming, meddling friends, and doctors learning again that the heart can never be as simple as four chambers and four valves.

Catching Lightning in a Bottle by sabrecmc, 120 k > words, Alternate Universe - Sweet Home Alabama Fusion.

College student Tony meets janitor Steve at MIT and they fall blissfully in love, until Howard happens and things fall apart. One divorce paperwork snafu courtesy of the ever-helpful Jarvis, and ten years later, Tony has to get re-divorced from Steve.

This does not go as he imagines.

Or, the Sweet Home Alabama AU that no one--well, okay, a few of you--asked for.

The Night Shift by weethreequarter , 16 k > words, Alternate Universe - Hospital.

Welcome to the Emergency Department of San Antonio General where Dr. Tony Stark joins the team fresh from his most recent tour in Afghanistan and - much to the consternation of the other staff - strikes up an instant rapport with Nurse Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, new resident Bruce Banner refuses to give up on his patient, and Dr. Sharon Carter learns something from her own patients. Throw in a pissed off hospital administrator, Clint using the coffee pot as a mug again, and a major car crash and you have, well, just another night shift.

Cake It Till You Make It by ChocolateCapCookie, 10 k > words, Kid Fic, Alternate Universe - Bakery.

Steve Rogers and Tony Stark have a lot in common. They're single parents, they own rival bakeries at the center of town... and they both hate each other's guts.

When a mix-up at Peter and Morgan's school has both fathers scrambling to prove they're the better baker, they do the mature, adult thing and compete in a bake-off. Between the mixing and the creaming, the baking and the icing, Steve and Tony find that hate is actually not that far from love.

Looking for Heaven by foxxcub, 31 k > words, Alternate Universe - Regency, Marriage of Convenience.

When young Lord Anthony Stark learns Steven Rogers has enlisted in the army, he thinks he's seen the last of his tiny, headstrong, haughty stable boy. But four years later, Lord Stark gets an unexpected visit from Steve, whose mother has fallen gravely ill and into financial ruin. Even more unexpected, Steve agrees to a shocking proposal: they will marry, giving Steve the necessary funds to save his mother, and Tony the much-needed reprieve from harassing would-be suitors. It is a business arrangement, nothing more. But as time goes on and circumstances arise, Tony begins to learn that keeping his heart away from his husband is easier said than done.

just a guy, standing in front of another guy by theappleppielifestyle, 12 k > words.

“It’s not real,” Tony says, still smiling, jaw twitching with effort. “The fame. It’s - I’m just a guy."

(Or, Notting Hill AU, with a twist.)

Mother of Exiles (A Titanic AU) by BladeoftheNebula, 21 k > words, Alternate Universe - Titanic Fusion.

“You’ll never guess what just happened!” Steve said, taking a deep breath to try and calm his breathing. “I met someone. A guy from first class.”

Dublin 1912: Steve Rogers is barely making ends meet, living in the tenement slums of Dublin. But a stroke of good luck gives him and his best friend the chance to change their fortune. Two tickets to America on board the RMS Titanic.

The Devil You Know by shetlandowl, 17 k > words, Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Author/Novelist.

Best selling author Tony Stark revives the bodice ripper genre for a modern audience. From frisky gay cowboys to ravenous lesbian pirate queens, he consistently delivers riveting thrillers full of romance, drama, and the filthy, unapologetically kinky sex that has become his trademark specialty.

Tony has everything a man could dream of - horny, adoring fans, and boatloads of money. Or that's what he thought, until Detective Steve Rogers walks into his life and turns it all upside down.

Bears and Mountains and Lumberjacks Oh My! by justanotherrollingstony (adoctoraday), 24 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Lumberjack Steve Rogers.

It was supposed to be easy--go meet the reclusive artist and buy some art. And then came the broken down car. And the snowstorm. And the lumberjack with a face like a greek god. So yea, Tony is stuck in a cabin in the woods with a hot lumberjack till the storm clears. Could be worse.

Series: A Furious Vexation by Annie D (scaramouche), 18 k > words, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse.

A Steve/Tony post-apocalypse AU that exists pretty much just for the smut.

That Feline Beat by Tito11, 5 k > words, Alternate Universe - Animals.

Presenting Steve and Tony in the Aristocats!AU

Tony and his three kittens have been kidnapped from their fancy Upper East Side apartment while their owners are away and deposited on the mean streets of Harlem. Unsure of where they are or how to get back home, they'll have to rely on street cat Steve to guide them. Will they get home safely? Will Tony's fear of abandonment cause him to drive away the best tomcat he's ever known? Only time will tell.

do you fondue? by calciseptine, 16 k > words, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting.

Tony has done crazy things in the name of food, but falling in love with Steve Rogers really takes the cake.

a glimpse of heaven's love by parkrstark, 13 k> words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Terminal Illnesses.

The child begins to empty his pockets. He starts to count coins on the counter. Tony huffs a little impatiently as he realizes most of them are pennies.

The cashier actually humors the kid and counts along with him. They reach 3 dollars and 54 cents before he shakes his head sadly. "Sorry, kid. There's not enough here."

The kid sounds close to crying. "I need these paints for my Papa. It's Christmas Eve and these...he doesn't have any. The doctors said he doesn't have long. I want him to have these. In case he meets Jesus tonight, I want him to paint one more time. Please."

Tony takes a step forward, arms still full of toys he's buying just because. He can cover this child's gift for his dying father. Money. Money is what he's good for.

"I'll buy them."

--

Or, the Christmas Shoes AU no one but me asked for.

If you survive first impressions, you're good to go by itsallAvengers, 3 k > words, Parent Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - No Powers.

The first time Peter Parker-Stark sees Steve Rogers, he may or may not be standing in direct path of the man's motorcycle.

His daddy is really not going to be happy about that one.

A Rat-ional Conclusion by BladeoftheNebula, 6 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Veterinarians, Parent Tony Stark.

He had a strong flurry of patients throughout the morning and by the time it rolled around to noon, he was just about worn out.

He walked out into the reception, stretching until he felt a satisfying pop. “Are we done?”

Bucky checked the screen. “Just about. One more before lunch - a rat, singular.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully straight forward then. “Great, let me know when they-”

He was interrupted by the bell over the door and looked up to see a little girl cradling a small animal carrier, being shepherded through the door by easily one of the hottest men he’d ever seen in real life.

Oh wow.

Tidal Pull by sabrecmc, 97 k > words, Octopus Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - Shipwrecked.

After the American Civil War, Union soldier Steve Rogers takes a chance on an opportunity to sail with the Stark Trading Company down in the Caribbean. During a terrible storm, his ship is lost. To his surprise, he survives, and ends up stranded on an island that isn't quite as deserted as he first thinks.

Or, a reverse Little Mermaid tale where Steve has to fall for the fish-man.

Twelve Days by elysianprince, 22 k > words, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Ghosts.

In which Tony finds himself in a town that looks like it crawled out of a Hallmark Christmas movie, trying to sell an inn he didn't know he owned, all while dealing with Steve Rogers, the resident ghost who has returned to haunt the inn each December during the twelve days of Christmas for the past seventy years. Tony has only one logical solution that benefits them both: break the curse that binds him - but falling for a man almost a century old wasn't among his plans.

She kissed me by S_Horne, 1 k > words, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting.

“Your mom kissed me.”

Steve blinked awake and lifted his head from his pillow to look over at the silhouette in the doorway. “What?”

“Your mom,” Tony reiterated. “She kissed me.”

“Yeah,” Steve said simply, “she does that.”

[santastic]

the big, bad wolf || hwang hyunjin oneshot

》》 pairing: hyunjin x female reader

》》 summary: every year, you and the boys celebrate halloween with a party at hyunjin's - who just so happens to be your mortal frenemy. every year, you all dress up. this year, however, you decide to make it a bit more interesting: everyone picks an outfit for their random secret santa partner. it seems like a bit of innocent fun, but felix has an idea...

》》 word count: 2.4k

》》 genre/tags: halloween au, not quite e2l but e2 like...sexy tension???, suggestive themes (mostly just implications), a little bit of crack lmao

》》 warnings: cliche cheesy dirty flirting (come on hyunjin you're better than this), thicc romantic and sexual tension, reader is a simp in denial, suggestive themes, implied smut at the end, talk of biting but no actual biting, reader has dom vibes, hyunjin is bold until someone else is bolder

》》 notes: my first oneshot on this blog! I already wrote a halloween drabble, but I felt like writing something bigger than that and my friend (I see u vi) inspired me by suggesting some spicy hyunjin content. n e ways, happy halloween everyone! and if u don’t celebrate halloween, I hope u have a lovely weekend <3

navigation || skz masterlist

Halloween is always fun with your friend group. I mean, it's fun anyway - lots of cheap candy, neighbourhood celebrations, an excuse to get way too drunk - it's just a lot more fun with eight other crackheads.

You guys have a sort of tradition going by now, even though each year is a bit different. Hyunjin throws the party, Minho brings the alcohol and hides it from Chan until it's too late to stop everyone from getting shitfaced, Jeongin and Felix bring ungodly amounts of candy, and Jisung is a skeleton (literally every single year - it started when you called Tate Langdon's skeleton makeup hot, and it never ended).

Everyone (except Jisung) keeps their costume a secret - unless they're Chan and Felix, in which case they do couple costumes and keep it a secret from everyone else. Sometimes you even decide on a theme, like the year before the last, where everyone was supposed to dress as their favourite Pokemon. This inevitably led to intense fighting roleplays to assert dominance as your respective type, and in order to spare your reputation in the neighbourhood, you decided the next theme would be a little less wild.

This year, the theme was 'secret Santa costumes', meaning you each picked a random name from a hat to decide who you would be buying a costume for and a few days before Halloween, you were given your own costume to wear to the party by whoever pulled your name from the hat of destiny.

Technically that's not how secret Santa works, but no one questions Chan when it comes to holiday business.

You just so happened to get Jisung, and while the temptation to keep the skeleton thing going just for the meme was definitely there, you ultimately decided he should be a classic bedsheet ghost - except with no eye or hand holes cut out. You know, to add a little sprinkle of chaos to his already very chaotic life.

The lovely boy who decided your spooky fate was Felix, who had coincidentally been in charge of buying Hyunjin’s costume too - when you asked why, he said it was because the number of people was uneven, so he had kindly volunteered to take on an extra. You had honestly expected him to pick something weird or wild for you, so you were quite surprised by the outfit he had settled on.

"Is this...little red riding hood?" you had asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you stared at the dress and hood in your hands.

"Yep! I saw it the other day and I thought it would be nice to go for one of the classics, you know?" he had explained, smiling as if he was ever so proud about his decision. Something about the hint of mischief in his eyes made you suspicious, but you had let it slide. "You don't mind, right?"

No, you didn't mind. You had given Jisung a ghost costume, so you didn’t really have room to speak on the originality of Felix’s decision. Besides, the dress didn’t look too cheap, nor did it look especially short, and the hood-cape made you feel way too powerful for someone wearing a $20 Target costume.

So you really didn't mind at all, until it came to the day of the party. Now, as you stand in the doorway to Hyunjin’s apartment, you suddenly mind a lot more.

”Lee Felix, I’m going to decorate the lawn with your fucking intestines, oh my god!” you whisper-yell to the boy who conveniently manages to dart away with the excuse of needing to help Jeongin open all the candy bags. Your angry eyes follow his retreating blue form - Chan picked his outfit this year, and of course he decided Felix should be an Among Us character.

Everyone in the group knows about the slight tension (read: obvious beef) between you and Hyunjin. Technically speaking, you’re friends. He invites you to his parties, you hang out with him when he’s with the boys. It’s just that neither of you can stand each other, because you’re both very bold and even more stubborn.

Whenever the two of you are together, you bicker like children and it’s pretty much endless. You could probably throw insults (and the occasional murder threat) at each other all day if the other members didn’t interrupt, and on those days you’d be more than happy to teach Hyunjin a lesson with a nice, strong punch in the nose if the opportunity were ever to present itself.

So, with this in mind, it’s quite clear why you’re planning Felix’s murder when you see Hyunjin walking around as the big, bad wolf.

You’re genuinely considering sneaking out the front door before anyone else sees you and running back to your apartment (because Felix just so happens to be your ride home), but fate decides to mess with you and suddenly, Hyunjin locks eyes with you from across the living room.

The way a huge smile instantly graces his pretty face sends a rush of butterflies, followed by anger, through you as you stare back at him. His clip on wolf ears are admittedly quite cute, but the fake fangs he’s wearing send your thoughts in a very different direction. As he makes his way over, you suddenly wish you had followed Felix to the kitchen - at least they keep the alcohol in there. In his living room, you’ve got no choice but to deal with Hyunjin while sober.

”Well, would you look at that? Seems like I found my little red riding hood.” he teases with a wink, leaning against the wall beside the door.

When you scoff at him, he gives you another big grin and you can’t help but stare at the fangs again. The vibrant blue contact lenses he’s wearing make his gaze feel intense even when he’s smiling, and the way his long, blonde hair falls freely gives him a glow that’s both angelic and positively demonic. He looks so annoyingly handsome, as per usual; if only his personality wasn’t the personification of the words ‘cocky asshole’. You can’t help but think it’s a huge waste of beauty.

“Excuse me-” you begin, ready to start the first round of arguing, but he cuts you off like the annoying brat he is.

“You’re excused,” he says, thinking his comment was very smart, and if it wasn’t a night meant for fun and games, you might’ve killed him on the spot.

“Fine, excuse you. I’m not your little red riding hood. In fact, I’m not your anything, thank you very much,” you snap, brushing past his tall figure as you head to the table the boys have set up to the side. There’s an array of Halloween-themed food, prepared by Chan, and you settle for a red velvet cupcake decorated with black frosting and what you assume are meant to be cat ears poking out of it.

“Right, sure, but we’re still matching tonight. It’s kind of like-”

This time, you cut him off. “It’s not like Chan and Felix. It’s not. We’re not wearing couple costumes, so don’t say it.”

He shuts his mouth (finally) and you take it as your cue to leave before he says something else to piss you off. Unfortunately, he seems to have the desire to ruin your night further and chooses to follow you on your journey.

“So anyway, I guess this was Felix’s plan, right?” He gestures to your costumes. “Unless you had something to do with it, that is.”

You don’t bother to address the second part of what he said and instead just nod, scanning the room for the previously mentioned mastermind. As soon as you can get your hands on that boy, you swear you’ll slaughter him for subjecting you to Hyunjin’s torturous teasing all night.

“He was already on thin ice after trying to tell me Bulbasaur is a better starter than Charmander, but now he’s actually dead to me,” you growl out once you spot him sitting beside Minho, laughing happily with his classic red solo cup and a slice of chocolate cake. Jeongin sits beside them, tearing open bags of candy with no assistance from Felix, because of course he was lying about helping him earlier.

Hyunjin laughs softly and you curse your heart for skipping a beat at the sound. Sometimes it feels like your head hates Hyunjin while your body is stupid enough to like him, and it’s part of the reason why you hate talking to him so much. Every time you stop throwing insults and sass at him and instead sit back and listen to what he has to say, a part of you realises you don’t exactly have a proper reason for disliking him. He’s not all that bad, and sometimes you even find yourself laughing at his jokes and witty remarks.

But you’d really rather not go through the endless cycle of those thoughts right now, especially when the cause of your problems is standing beside you eating a chocolate bar.

“I have to say, though,” you comment as you turn to look him up and down, “the big, bad wolf concept suits you pretty well.”

Before he can accept the compliment, you continue. “You’re both big, hairy beasts who dress like grandmas.”

The obvious offence on his face is so satisfying you almost wanna snap a photo to reflect on this moment in the future, but you refrain from doing so. He would just pose anyway, and the photo would probably end up making your stupid heart flutter again.

“Well, at least you think I’m big. Besides, if dressing like a grandma gets me closer to eating you, then I suppose it’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make,” he whispers in a husky, seductive voice that kind of makes you want to choke-slam him, but you suspect he might enjoy that anyway.

It angers you when he makes flirty comments like that, because as annoying as they are and despite you knowing full well he only says it to get under your skin, it still makes your heart race every time. Maybe in another universe, Hyunjin is a sweet boy who innocently flirts with you and brings you roses instead of a big, bad bitch who’s just acting like a horny teenager. Annoyingly enough though, you think you’d fall for him either way.

You turn away with the intention of finally escaping to the kitchen to grab something to drink, hoping to settle the thoughts dancing around your head, but he reaches for your wrist. The feeling of his fingers pressing warmth into your skin just makes your head spin even more, and you’re so distracted you don’t pull away from him.

"Aw, don’t run away now. Are you scared of me, little red? There’s no need to be, I’m just joking. I won’t bite unless you beg me to."

You pull your arm back as soon as the words leave his mouth. Hyunjin has a lot of things (a severely irritating personality, a stupidly handsome face for such an asshole, a loud voice solely meant for pissing you off on a daily basis, the list goes on), but the thing he definitely has most is the fucking audacity.

However, the most annoying part by far is the way you feel your face heat up when you register the last thing he said. You’d rather die than let him make you flustered, so you shake your head slightly to clear those thoughts from your mind and look him in the eye again.

"Scared? Me?" you scoff, staring him down with a steady glare and if he was anyone else, he'd probably shiver in fear.

Unfortunately, he is not anyone else. He is Hwang Hyunjin, and Hwang Hyunjin does not shiver; he beams with a smug grin and makes your blood boil.

"Mhm. Look at you. You’re basically dressed as my prey tonight, babe." He purrs the pet name like the absolute fuckboy he is. "And sure, the real you is feisty, but you're all bark and no bite."

The overly confident, proud smirk on his face makes him look like a damn peacock flaunting its feathers, and you decide then and there that you'll do anything to get rid of it.

"All bark," you echo his words, walking towards him slowly, "and no bite, huh?"

You swear you see his eyes widen for a split second at your change in demeanor before the stupid smirk returns, and the little rush of victory you feel from catching him off guard is enough to keep you walking forward.

His gaze never leaves yours, especially when you're standing on the tips of your toes in front of him, noses just barely brushing against each other. Your hands grip his shoulder to balance you, and you run a finger over his collarbone up towards his cheek, where you gently cup his face. The small distance between the two of you means you can hear his slightly uneven breathing and see the curiosity swirling in his bright blue eyes as he waits for your next move.

You reach a hand up and thread your fingers through his long, bleach blonde hair, and his breath hitches when you gently tug at it. Even his wolf ears almost seem to droop submissively. He doesn't dare move, but his eyes keep flicking down to your lips and back up again.

"Now, that's just not true at all, is it?" you whisper, tilting your head as if waiting for an answer, but he can't find the words to form a witty response. It’s about time he learned some manners, really, even if he needed your guidance for that.

"I'm warning you now," you continue, "you might wanna watch your tone. I might look like your prey, but I promise I bite harder than you do, babe."

You make sure to emphasise the pet name, purring it in the same way he did minutes before. He bites down on his bottom lip, and the way his fangs press into them makes you lick your own lips nervously. It seems as though he can't take the tension anymore, because he goes to lean in and finally close the distance between the two of you as his hands find your hips.

Of course, you'd never let him have that control, especially after his bold attitude from earlier. Even though the temptation to lean in is certainly there, you step away from him and smile sweetly.

"Learned your lesson yet, puppy?"

He doesn’t respond for a moment, clearly still taking in what just happened. When he registers your question, he tilts his head to the side as if in thought - the way a dog might, funnily enough - before he hums quietly.

“I’m not sure. Maybe you should teach me once more, little red,” he suggests, voice low and slightly breathless, “but preferably a bit more in depth this time.”

- ᴇ ɴ ᴅ -

(A/N: AHHHHH I haven’t written a oneshot in SUCH a long time oh my god,,,,, it was a lot of fun tho even if I’m not super confident writing full things. this one was short anyway so I kinda feel like it doesn’t count, but I’m still v happy to finally post my first skz oneshot! I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for reading <3)

© santastic  —  all rights reserved. reposting, translating, copying and/or stealing is prohibited. ask permission if you wish to create anything inspired by my original ideas.

[osmpalliumduo]

Here's a little something for the murder AU again

cw implied eating disorder ? just in case :)

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As much as the three boys want, they don't always share the same classes. Sometimes it's just Tubbo and Ranboo, other times it's Tubbo and Tommy or Tommy and Ranboo. It was a bit of an inconvenience before, more so for Tommy really, but eventually they grew comfortable with it.

Lately they've been feeling its inconvenience again.

When it's just Tubbo and Ranboo, the two close up like a mimosa pudica, refusing to talk to anyone but between themselves. It wasn't weird before, the two were already known to just be a little bit more introverted than Tommy is, but the thing that strikes their relationship as different lately is Tubbo.

Tubbo, who tires easily and shuts down when he needs a break; Tubbo, who bumbles about even when he's not socializing with anyone but his two dear friends; Tubbo, who has never looked so pale and sick before.

When it's just Tubbo and Ranboo, they don't talk to anyone but each other. But it's different now because Tubbo doesn't bumble, he doesn't bump shoulders with Ranboo when he walks with the taller, he doesn't bounce with each step he takes to match Ranboo's longer strides.

He clings, presses his face into the taller and lets Ranboo lead the way. He isn't tired, because he still keeps his eyes wide and open. It's the same with Tommy, but it's stranger with Ranboo.

It's been two weeks and a half since the incident.

"Hey, Tubbo," Quackity taps the boy's shoulder and the brunette turns, gazing over at Quackity yet not quite looking him. "Got a minute?"

"Um," Tubbo says, slow as he looks back up at Ranboo.

"He can stay, don't worry," Quackity reassures, and gently he pulls them aside so they don't block the hallway. "I just...you haven't been doing well. It's pretty obvious at this point."

Tubbo blinks, doesn't let himself be surprised because it isn't all that shocking to be honest.

"I mean, haha, I guess the news about George hit you pretty hard, huh?" Quackity adds, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was...I was devastated too. First Schlatt now George..."

Tubbo nearly flinches at the mention of Schlatt, who wasn't the best older brother figure in hindsight yet it still set Tubbo off regardless when Schlatt had that stroke a year ago.

"And, well, you know. They say George didn't exactly just die," Quackity leans against the wall, stuffing his hand into his pant pockets. "They did find his body buried in the forest somewhere, after all. They're still trying to find who did it so I get why you're so..."

Tubbo doesn't like where he's going with this, but silently listens anyway.

Quackity laughs, like he's sharing an inside joke - it's a thing he does when he has something upsetting to share; it makes him feel better apparently, even if it seems rude, "It's just! I don't know. The way you're reacting right now, eyes glued to the floor, pressed close between your two best friends..."

Ranboo doesn't react, and even if he did Quackity can't see it anyway.

"...almost makes it seem like you're the one who killed George," Quackity finishes, his voice dropping an octave.

Suddenly Tubbo can't quite hear the blurred chatter of the students traversing up and down the halls, can't feel Ranboo pressing his arm against his, can't taste his own mouth.

Quackity stares at him, scanning the boy's expression as Tubbo's face pales, eyes widening, before his brows dip and his teeth grit.

"Don't-Don't just joke about that, you idiot," Tubbo growls and Quackity's eyebrows raise - even Ranboo is taken aback. "How can you just go around accusing someone who's- who's clearly grieving to the point they can't even eat that they're responsible for someone's murder!"

Quackity backs up, pushing himself off the wall as he rounds them, "Oh woah, chill, Tubbo. I was- Sorry. I'm sorry."

"You better fucking be," Tubbo points angrily. "Just-Just leave us alone next time when you have nothing nice to fucking say!"

Quackity gulps, nodding as he scurries off, and Tubbo deflates. He falls back onto Ranboo, eyes half lidding as he simply breathes, "Did, um, did I do good?"

"You did fine, Bo," Ranboo reassuringly pats the boy's head.

OHHHHHH MYYYYY GOOODDDD……

YOUR AU HAS MY MENTAL STABILITY HANGING BY A THREAD HOLY FUCKKKK /POS THAT MADE MY HEART START BEATING LIKE CRAZY WHEN QUACKITY SAID THAT

[aethelar]

Hey~ what do you think about Theseus? I don't really like him in most fanworks because it's either 'How dare you do this to my little bro?!' or 'Please just jump him already! He needs it. SO. BADLY.'. My headcanon is that he and Graves get on like a house on fire. Nobody dares to intervene. Mostly they're just so done with the sh** they have to deal with.

In attempting to find out which house Theseus was in (the answer to which is: we don’t know, but Gryffindor is strongly implied) I came across this transcribing of the letter from Theseus Newt was reading at the start of the film.

In it, Theseus uses phrases such as “jolly old Europe” and “this chap Grindelwald” (who he additionally calls a “charismatic blighter”) and refers to Newt’s travels as “whatever beastly quests you are undertaking.” And, yeah, I get that this is set in the 20s but literally no one else in the film talks like this.

Combine this with the fact that Theseus is engaged to Newt’s best friend, a best friend who, it’s hinted, Newt has a somewhat complicated past with, and you don’t get a great picture. Now add on top the way the wiki in quite insistent that he’s “very powerful and commanding” and I don’t know about you, but the character I’m seeing leans far more towards pompous arse-dom than the Theseus I want him to be. Possible even a pompous arse who secretly thinks Grindelwald is right, who knows.

I don’t think I like this character. Let’s scrap him and start again.

If we don’t read Theseus’ letter seriously, then the best explanation for it is one extended in-joke between him and Newt. Jolly old Europe - note Europe, not England - harks back to the trenches, perhaps, when Theseus slogged his way through mud and dragon dung to check on Newt and cracked really bad jokes to cheer him up. Jolly little place this, he said. Love the design features. Trench foot and body odour, an inspired combination. Newt probably rolled his eyes each time but it made him smile, so Theseus stuck with it. Swanning into the hospital tent with a cutlass and declaring it, an absolutely delightful hovel, and is that gangrene? Newt you do pick the loveliest places to bleed in. Here, I got you a cutlass in case they can’t save your leg. The wooden ones are so passe, don’t you think? He mimes karate-kicking bad guys with the cutlass until Newt pulls a stitch laughing and Theseus gets thrown out, but the important thing is that Newt laughed so mission accomplished. 

And continuing on with this irreverent joker we’ve decided Thesues is, This chap Grindelwald becomes mocking; thinks he’s big name, does he, ol’ wossissface. This random guy Grindelwald. Blighter. Either mocking or, maybe, an attempt to soften the next sentence, where Theseus is being sent to track him down. Read between the lines and it says don’t worry about me, little bro. He’s just a guy who talks a lot. I’ll be fine.

I like this Theseus a lot more, I think. He’s powerful and commanding, sure, but it’s in the way that he winks at the newest recruits and tells them to always follow procedure while using the auror hand signals to underline that with unless it’s a load of shite in which case ignore. The various politicians huff and nod in satisfaction; the various aurors under his command come back alive from their various cases; everyone’s happy.

If he ever asks how dare you do this to my little bro it’s loudly, flamboyantly, and calculated to diffuse an otherwise awkward situation. My darling brother, my perfect little munchkin - look at that face, how could you? Theseus continues, keeping a straight face only through years of practice, and Newt gives up protesting and moves straight onto hexing him. My baby has teeth, Theseus declares proudly while the nest of vipers that have replaced his hair attempt to strangle him.

Geez, Scamander, give it a rest, they say, and Theseus squawks dramatically until the spotlight is on him and Newt can slink away and escape.

As for the phrase please just jump him already, he needs it, Theseus says it with a shit-eating grin when he slings one arm round Newt’s neck and the other round Leta’s and conjures mistletoe to hang in the air above them.

Newt elbows him in the ribs. I’m gay, he says.

Leta elbows him in the ribs. I have a girlfriend, she says.

Theseus reels back in mock defeat with his hands clutched over his heart. For the rest of the evening he drips after them like a particularly theatric leech wailing about how he’ll never be a grandfather and asking if Newt will take pity on him in his lonely old age.

You’re an ass, Newt tells him. Go bother someone else.

Can’t, Theseus replies. Mum told me to keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t run away before Aunt Eileen gets here.

So keep an eye on me without being an ass!

Theseus grins. Nah, he says. Boring.

Newt screams in frustration. I apologise for him, he says to Leta.

Why? Leta asks. You should meet my brother, I’d trade you for yours any day.

Which brings us to the last part, the part that seems hardest to reconcile. Leta Lestrange. Newt’s best friend. The reason, potentially, that Newt was expelled.

Theseus’ fiance.

Theseus plays the fool for laughs but he’s not an idiot. We don’t know the full story of what happened, we don’t know exactly how complicated Newt’s past with Leta is, but from what we do know we have to wonder what, exactly, Theseus is doing. Whether he spared any thought for Newt when he did it.

The answer to that is that Theseus is Newt’s big brother, yes, but he’s also Theseus Scamander. We have a tendency to only see him in relation to Newt - of course we would, Newt is our main character and we’ve never met Theseus - but he’s not just Newt’s brother. He’s his own person.

And maybe his own person watched Newt storm out, hurting and angry, while Leta clammed up behind him and refused to explain. Explanations feel like excuses. If you feel it’s your fault, it doesn’t matter why. If you hate yourself, it’s easier to make other people hate you too than to drop your armour and be honest.

Without Newt, Leta shrinks. She’s quiet, now. To the Hufflepuffs, she’s a Lestrange. To the Lestranges, she’s a Hufflepuff. To Newt, she’s a complicated past.

To Theseus, perhaps, she’s a just a person. Just like the soldier drifting behind that Theseus slows down to march beside; just like the auror in the break room splashing cold water on her face to hide her tears; just like the brother in the furthest stall of the hippogriff stables, hiding from the world and pretending he’s fine.

Theseus is head of the UK aurors, we’re told. Equivalent position to Graves. He’s a war hero. Perhaps one explanation is that he’s powerful and commanding and the sort of pompous arse to step on people to get to the top, but the other one is that he cares. He leads his soldiers to war but far more important, he leads them home. He sends his aurors to the field but far more important, he brings them back.

So in answer to your question, what do I think about Theseus: I think he could be many things, but ultimately he’s a separate character to Newt - just like Leta is - with a separate story, one in which he and Graves most probably do get on like a house on fire. I think he worries too much for the people around him and hides it behind corny jokes; I think when he digs his heels in and says no he says it to save people’s lives; I think he was the one picking up the pieces of the people Newt left behind when he ran off to see the world and one of those people was Leta.

That’s what I think, anyway.