#and actually opened so many doors

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

No time to play. You are being sent away.

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[book-lover85]

Stay at home dad and artist on commission Keefe

[popiplant]

me when i fuck it we ball

[galacticlamps]

I don't want to get too caught up on semantics but I have to say I really feel like it's an unfair reading of the situation to call what Charles does in the Staircase Scene a "rejection."

I've already talked about how I think that scene's strength lies in the act of telling itself and Edwin's confession as the conclusion of his self-discovery arc. And I understand how the fact that that arc involved things like sexuality & attraction left it open to being viewed under a sort of romance-plot-specific lens, but evaluating the whole thing on that criteria still feels like a misrepresentation.

I don't think Edwin is saying "Love me" in that scene. Maybe he would've been asking for that, if this had all happened under different circumstances - and sure, generally, he'd presumably like that to happen - but it'd still be a kind of insane request for him to make right as he's being literally rescued from hell. (Especially since, even though the audience & Charles can both see the rescue as so in-character we might take it for granted, Edwin clearly didn't, if his consistently surprised confused & appalled reactions to Charles being there are anything to go by). I think he's feeling very loved already at that point, and I have a hard time believing desperation to simply have that reiterated is what drove him to speak up at such an inopportune moment.

I think what he's really saying there is "Hear me" - and as a listener and a confidant, Charles does anything but reject him. Maybe it's splitting hairs a bit, but if the distinction between "please don't turn me down" and "please understand the person in front of you" matters anywhere, it's in relation to Charles' response because he is so accepting of the confession as a confession. Not only does he take what Edwin tells him well, despite it being the sort of thing that might rock the foundation of the most important relationship in his existence, he also accepts the fact that Edwin is in such a vulnerable and worked up state that he has to do it right now despite it endangering them both. Charles would, truthfully, be totally justified in mostly ignoring it or passing over it quickly and inconclusively, insisting that this wasn't the time or place - but instead everything he says and does in that scene is geared toward giving Edwin's announcement the attention & understanding he needs so badly - and that includes responding with honesty about his own feelings, even if they might not otherwise be exactly what you'd want to hear after declaring your love for someone. Charles takes his time (perhaps foolishly, but certainly necessarily) and gives Edwin a response that is warm and familiar, while also being kind, affectionate, open, serious, and above all correspondingly worthy of the weight of the thing Edwin has just entrusted him with. That seems an awful lot to pass over simply because he doesn't also happen to be in love with him too.

Edwin's confession is so not a come-on that whether or not Charles reciprocates the romantic element is, at best, secondary to his overall reaction, and using that piece of it to call the whole thing a rejection feels like a very inaccurate shorthand to get in the habit of using as a summary of his role in the scene.

[blueflipflops]

Even as Micheal Shelly aka The Distortion has literally visited my nightmares and has effectively scared the living shit out of me within it, I can't help but admit that he might be my favorite character in the magnus archives. Huh. Wonder why

[chrisrin]

Is karkat going to go through a similar arc as peridot?

Karkat's arc is a bit of a mix between Amethyst and Peridot, but both sorts of flipped on their heads!

The idea with Karkat is that he's a Jasper who woke up too early. Unlike Amethyst who woke up too late, Karkat emerges from his hole some hundred years before he's supposed to. The planet is incubating and not being super closely monitored because everything's all set and they're just waiting for the gems to grow. This leaves Karkat pretty much alone on a desolate, dark, dying planet.

He wishes for nothing more than to go back to sleep, he tries to crawl back into his hole multiple times waiting for consciousness to slip, but he can't go back to "keep growing" after he's emerged.

The longer you wait, the more your mind fills. It’d be wrong to call them memories, you didn’t exist before, so they can’t be memories. 

Purpose. What your purpose should be. You’re a Jasper, you’re a Quartz, made for war. You’re a soldier, you’re a warrior for Homeworld. You’re supposed to be big and strong, ready to fight for your creators, for your Diamond.

You’re supposed to fit your hole. You can’t.

So he makes a life of wandering the planet. It's cold and boring, so fucking boring, and he thinks a lot about what he could do. He thinks about how he's a failure to the Diamonds, swapping between fear of being discovered here and wanting nothing more than to interact and talk with another sentient being.

Unbeknownst to Karkat, another group of gems nears the Kindergarten. The Alpha Kids are a small group of rebel gems who stole a ship off Homeworld. Upon needing to stock up on supplies, Roxy locates an incubating Kindergarten that is long enough in its cycle for no gems to inhabit the planet, but early enough that they can still retrieve what they need. They land on the Kindergarten and Karkat eavesdrops, stunned to be witnessing actual living real people.

But Karkat realizes what they are, when he listens in and realizes that they're traitors.

He sees this as an opportunity. If he can turn these rebels in, then the Diamonds won't shatter him! He won't be a failure!

So he boards the ship, sneaking on as a stowaway. Roxy almost immediately finds him and it turns into that little scene.

Jane and Roxy convince Dirk to let Karkat live and stay aboard, and Karkat stays locked up in one of the rooms. He's like a little hissy cat, but he's also completely overwhelmed and overstimulated just being around things that aren't the Kindergarten.

With a lot of time and a lot of slowly building trust, Karkat starts to warm up to the Alpha Kids and eventually becomes a proper part of their squad.

[hella1975]

so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment

[kittyandco]

y'all better hide because i found new (to me) frozen media that actually includes hans. catastrophic-yet-celebratory event in kitty's world

[puppetmaster13u]

Day 7: Bone

[okkennymay]

Speaking of said dad, he went on a lil mini 10 day holiday across the country to Perth to sight see nature and go on a boat ride to see some Orcas (he's retired, it's his way of getting out the house and not turning into an old man potato, and comes back with hundreds of photos of landscapes, plants and flowers and points of historical interests to show my Mum and I, with cool facts and stories in a slideshow~)

Unfortunately i was still sick at the time and didn't get the chance to join my mum in dropping him off at the airport, let alone the chance to give him a big 'ol hug before he left- so I drew him this 💖

You can't escape the 'Ken hugs.

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

naaaaah Landry's gay. He's just stuck so far back in the closet that even he's not aware!

yk what. you have a point w this one.

[mothwantstoswim]

I know this is the worst picture ever but these players were so rude. Three of us were waiting to open the vault door. This party of three STOOD RIGHT NEXT TO US. AND THEY DIDNT HELP OPEN THE DOOR.

If everyone stopped cheating their way through vault, the doors would be way easier to open, so you wouldn’t need to cheat! But selfish players like this ruin it!!

[inferno-silentdragon]

Open the Door

Happy 2nd Anniversary OMORI! 

Originally posted December 25, 2022

[vaguely-concerned]

It's really interesting that Wynne actually has quite a measured, bordering on downright sympathetic response to hearing what Jowan did in the prologue -- if the mage Warden says "I still can't believe Jowan was that stupid", her answer is something like a thoughtful "Stupid, or desperate, or merely curious?". She seems to think of Jowan as a kid who got in over his head, rather than any less charitable interpretation. I do believe she genuinely is as against blood magic as she publicly expresses and as the Circle party line demands, but as a private person she clearly has a more nuanced and potentially kinder understanding of the reasons why someone might resort to it, at the very least.

(related: when she says that part about Irving telling her what happened, there's no dialogue option in the first stage of the conversation (except choosing the 'leaving the conversation' one) that doesn't net you +2 approval! no matter how the warden feels about it, she is ready to recieve it. I think that says something sweet about how Wynne conceptualizes younger mages and the honest real affection she has for them. if you didn't snitch on jowan and say you stand by that decision, though? +3 approval, apparently! what Wynne says and what Wynne thinks is not always the same thing indeed, her idea of where personal loyalty and integrity stands vis-a-vis a mage's responsibility to the circle may be more flexible than she'd have people believe, you'll be surprised to learn lol)

I have always liked wynne and found her interesting, in all her hypocrisies and her earnest care, but with slightly older eyes she's extra fascinating to me in the same ways that Iron Bull is -- seeing someone whose mind has had hollows carved out in it by the need for double-think and compartmentalization imposed by the oppressive systems and ideologies they live under, and the quiet fight of the self to still preserve vital parts of itself that the system deems unacceptable in the hidden backstage areas of the soul, as it were. (and for both of them part of that self is love and protectiveness of specific other people, beyond what their 'role' dictates is acceptable for them.) I think Wynne has managed to sneak more of her internal self through the meatgrinder relatively intact than Bull overall, but it's the same logic underlying it, for me, and it makes me feel such intense affection and compassion for them both to see how hard they try

[broodygaming]

rewatching she-ra again while I draw and and and omfg

In S5 when Wrong Hordak (never not funny) asks Entrapta about her "facial tic" and she IMMEDIATELY just explains to him what it is - a wink - what it's called and how it's used and THEN gives him encouragement to try it out so he understands it better and feels more confident??

My. Fucking. Heart. neurodivergent ppl looking out for neurodivergent ppl and showcasing EXACTLY how to just not be a dick to people who don't get social cues. It's not our fault. It's not personal. It's not us trying to be difficult. We just don't get it. Explain it, give an example, a safe place to practice it and boom, logged and loaded.