#and academics and assigned readings have been kicking my ass hard lately

[0bticeo]

hear ye, hear ye, to all those who thought lurk was done and archived/discontinued (myself included): it's not! expect two more parts, one of which is likely to drop in the next 48 hours!

[weltinator]

so when i was pretty young, i want to say in first grade? my school/parish hosted a taekwondo class for a semester during the hours the gym wasn’t in other use, and it was open to all ages, so my parents enrolled me in it. a bunch of my classmates and people from the church also attended, but when the arrangement ended and the class had to move into a dojo in another neighborhood, most people stopped going. me and one of my classmates kept going to it though. i was a tiny nerd who got bullied, so i think my parents really wanted me to do a sport, ideally one that helped me defend myself, but i honestly don’t remember much from that class, except how to count to twenty (badly pronounced) in korean. my classmate was absolutely ripped for a first grade girl, or really for any first grader, or for that matter anyone younger than middle school, and frequently kicked the asses of anyone in our grade at any sport. so for some reason we got paired up to spar when the teacher (again, i don’t remember much from this class, idk if we called them seonsaeng or what) decided we had advanced far enough to do that. 

i had no idea what i was supposed to do against her, but i was pretty sure i’d get yelled at if i just tried to dodge the whole time, so i planned to try blocking, and held my arms up around face/chest area. surprisingly, she seemed to take this block seriously and aimed under it. i’m honestly not sure if she was going for my stomach or my legs, but i know she wasn’t going for my crotch. or at least she didn’t mean to kick that hard. this was obvious from the look of immense shock and guilt i could see on her face through the tears as i was laid out on the ground crying from the worst pain i could remember experiencing at that point in my life. (i was not a very active kid, i hadn’t had a lot of injuries.) i quit that class within a month, claiming to my parents that i had better things to do with my weekends. they accepted this, and then immediately signed me up for soccer that practiced during the week. i played soccer until the start of high school, and i feel comfortable saying that by that time i was still worse at soccer than i’d been at taekwondo after doing it for like a year. also i got bullied by soccer players more than i ever did by taekwondo people. 

so fast forward several years to fifth grade. i was a good student, up until high school when i realized i actually had to start putting effort in and immediately spiraled into several years of minimal sleep and turning all my assignments in late. but as of fifth grade, i just had to half listen in class and read any assignments once and i was good to get all A’s. unfortunately, on this one occasion, i had completely forgotten to read the textbook chapter. and scanning the questions on this quiz, i realized this was not a topic i had any prior knowledge of, and i wasn’t going to be able to guess on most of it. at this point in my life, i did not have a lot going for me. most of my classmates and teachers found me weird and annoying, i did not pull any weight in gym, i had gone every soccer season at this point without scoring a single goal, i had like four friends in the world, two of which didn’t go to my school. what i did have, was being a good catholic boy, and straight A’s. i decided the second thing was more important, and for the first and only time in my academic career, i cheated. burning with a mixture of shame and determination, i turned to the person next to me and whispered, “what’s number 1?”

as previously established, i was not popular. i was generally considered one of the smartest kids in our class, but people did not come to me for help with their homework, because i was an obnoxious knowitall, but also really bad at explaining stuff. not only was i now showing weakness in the only area i had ever shown strength, i was doing it with no social capital to fall back on. i could very easily have been ignored, told to shut up, or immediately snitched on, depending on who i was sitting next to.

unless the person i was sitting next to was the same one that still felt guilty for kicking me full force in the groin four years earlier. 

we locked eyes after i asked my question. i have never been good at understanding what people are thinking, but in the span of a second, i saw her evaluate the situation, weigh the risk and the complete lack of reward, and then a flash of recollection. this was catholic school, we all went to confession every month. but i knew in that moment that she had never told anyone about that day, not even a priest. 

she gave me the answer, and all the others i asked for. i went home and read the textbook, and never cheated again. she never told the teacher or any of our classmates. i got an A on the quiz, she got absolution, and we basically never interacted again after that. 

[readyfreddy]

12, 33, and 36

-from a HS junior that's scared of my future lol

12. What has been the most interesting class you’ve taken?

I'm still in first year, partway finished my second term (mainly due to trade school, covid, grade-boosting, and working). I'm currently doing all my pre-reqs for pharmacy school. One of my profs for my biology lectures was really into bats (labelled "Bat-man" by many in his field), and brought a bat into one the lectures, he's also a Leafs fan and I frequently see him in the gym before classes (seems like a genuinely good guy). It was a hard class, however, I thoroughly enjoyed it. My current favourite class is "Critical Reading and Writing II" as the main topic of the lecture is children's fantasy literature. My prof is great, as she is a very fair marker, gives good feedback, and I can access the class content as she records all of her lectures.

33. The best advice anyone has ever given you about university?

There's been quite a few bits of advice that I've been given that have all been helpful:

don't take five classes in your first term, the transition from high school is hard, especially if you're moving away. I'm currently in 5 classes, with a job, and other school responsibilities and it's kicking my ass 10/10 don't recommend what I'm doing right now

READ RATE MY PROF before choosing your profs for your classes. Sometimes you won't have the option (like math and stats for me this term) and you'll be stuck with a bad prof, I lucked out with my chem and bio profs, as well as my English prof (who I was initially put on the waitlist for this term, had her last term and loved her, and only wanted to be in her English if given the option).

Get involved, join clubs and talk to people. I've made the vast majority of my friends while living in dorm, as we live and eat together. A lot of my other friends have been made through clubs and classes, don't be afraid to reach out and talk to someone. I'm hella shy and I've made friends by sitting in the same spot all term and talking to them.

Get help before it's too late. Know your prof's office hours and use them. They'll hopefully be able to help you through questions that you've been struggling with/too embarrassed to ask. They ultimately want to help you. Sorta on the same topic, if your school has a free tutoring centre, use that to your advantage. They have saved a few English papers last term.

Talk to a university academic advisor as well. They will be able to answer questions that your councillor in high school won't be able to answer for you.

Read ahead, and I cannot stress this enough. So you know the content before going into class, many profs also assume that you know some of the material before class. Make questions of your pre-reading, and ask them if they haven't been answered by the end of the lecture. If my prof gives the slideshow before the class, I make notes from that, and then during the lecture, I fill in with the notes I made during the lecture. For the profs that don't, I try to read the textbook chapter and take out the key points and expand off of that.

If your school has a discord, find it and use it to. I found my university's through Reddit. Ask questions about classes, profs, talk to people in your program and other first years. Class-specific discords to share notes and questions has been helpful as well.

Failing isn't the end of the world. Yes, it sucks. Make corrections from the mistakes you made from your assignments, quizzes, tests, midterms, etc... so you know what areas you need to improve on for the final.

You are there because you want to be there, as well as the people around you.

Choose which school you're going to wisely, don't go solely because your friends are going, you're going to see them much less than you think. What areas is the school strong in, what areas do they lack in? Do you want to be close or away from home? Costs, scholarships available, etc... are things that you should take into consideration.

You're allowed to change your major. I had friends in pre-med change to education, one change from pre-vet to classics, English to psychology, general sciences to social work, and my childhood best friend started off in ASTROPHYSICS and is hoping to get their masters in library sciences. Heck, I'm in pre-pharmacy, and working in hockey right now. All subjects are intertwinned and inter-related somehow. So if you start off as a STEM major, and switch to psychology for example, you haven't wasted your education, and you'll somehow use your STEM education within your major. My riding coach was in bio-med, now works full time in coaching and horses, and she uses her knowledge every single day.

University isn't for everyone. For some it may mean that trade school might be the right choice for them, others it means taking a gap year to "experience the world," work, or whatever. As harsh as it sounds, some people (including some of my friends) simply do not possess the maturity (academic and emotional) to be there, this is particularly evident when people are staying far away from home to pursue their university education. A lot of places pressure students to go to university right after high school, it is not the right move for a lot of people.

36: How did your attitude towards studying and school change between high school and university?

This has been a huge one for me. I was going through a lot in high school that made studying personally very difficult (uncaring and bad teachers, faculty, and staff in high school, undiagnosed ADHD, a laundry list of mental health issues, bullying, personal life etc). I'm in university because I want to be here, studying what I want, where I want. I'm generally enthusiastic about what I'm doing, while being surrounded by like-minded peers. I also study a lot more as university costs a lot, I literally cannot afford to fail a class (mainly in the financial sense, but also for the fact that pharmacy school is incredibly competitive). Being far away from home has helped me significantly, but I realize that this may not be the right option for everyone for a variety of factors.

If you have any question, please feel free to reach out to me.

Best of luck. I believe in you.

I'm almost 22, I'm scared of what the future hold for me. I have very little idea what I want to do with my life, I have a "general direction," but that's about it.

So far, university has been one of the best times of my life, despite the stress and costs. I am the happiest I have been in a very long time. I recognize the great amount privilege I have to be in the position that I'm currently in.

[xoxo-teddybear]

Troubled - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Cursing, Fluff, Kinda Angst(?), Storyline

Summary: Even though the two have been dating for about 2 years, Bakugou never knew about Y/N’s troubling life. With Y/N being lost and needing to find herself again, here’s how he finds out.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Bakugou and you were so happy. The relationship was incredible. He loved you and you loved him. You were both so loyal to one another, so protective, so honest...sorta. That’s where you faltered a bit. You see, you had a secret.

In the 2 years that you have been together, it was obvious that you’ve already met Bakugou’s parents. However, he never met yours. You told him “they’re really strict. I doubt they want me to be dating so I don’t think it’s best for you to meet them just yet. Don’t worry, they’re awesome! Just overprotective.”

And like the good, loving, trusting boyfriend he is, he believed you! He so badly wanted to change your parents’ minds but he’ll meet them whenever you’re comfortable. He can wait. But it sucks that he could never go over even when there were times where it would just be you and him. Apparently your parents “didn’t allow anyone over while they were away.” Whatever, fair. He still loved you regardless. And besides, you always went over to his house anyway! So everything was fine.

You fed him these lies and kept the truth away from him. In reality, you did have parents. Divorced parents. A loving mother who is sadly always working from early mornings to late nights and a runaway father who eventually got a new family with new kids.

Your father left you. He left you and your mother when you were just 5 years old and you never told anyone. This caused you to be so..angry..and confused..and hurt. Your busy mother was never around to help you cope and so you resorted into actions. You took on this rebellious bad girl persona. Yes you were in the hero course, but you put up a front that displayed you as the rotten apple among the group. You were still lovable and very friendly (a little teasing but still) and people loved you. What they didn’t love was when you went over the top with your bad girl image and even Katsuki got a little peeved at it from time to time.

—

“Your homework assignment: Create a visual or report on the history of Japan’s hero industry. Japan has had a lot of unfair rules when it came to heroes and so it’s your turn to speak on them, who rebelled against them, and tell us something you rebel against. I expect it to be done next week. Don’t forget it...understand L/N?” Aizawa said as he stared you down.

You sat with your legs crossed with your chin in your hand as you blew a strand of hair out of your face. “Yeah, we’ll see how well that goes.” You sarcastically said with a nose scrunch and devious smile.

The bell rang and students began to leave the classroom. You caught up with your boyfriend, Katsuki, who waited for you at the door. You pecked his cheek before you both began walking to the dorms.

“Hey, dumbass,” He called for you.

“Yeah Suki?”

“You are gonna do the assignment right?” He questioned. You chuckled a bit as you looked at him.

“Suki, c’mon. We both know that’ll never happen.” You said with a laugh but Bakugou just looked at you with a concerned face.

“And why not? You know you can do it and you choose not to. For what? You act like they won’t kick you out of UA.” He reminded you.

“Because they won’t. It’s just homework and I make up for it by excelling at everything else,” you said proudly but he wouldn’t budge.

“Okay but first it was skipping class, then it was skipping school, now it’s dropping class and home work. When are you gonna get off this bad streak?” He asked. You felt a little hurt due to the misunderstanding. He truly didn’t understand but that wasn’t his fault. You didn’t say anything so you have no one to blame but yourself.

“Never!” You laughed, “I’ll be fine Katsuki. Besides, you like my bad side. It makes us balanced. You’re the rowdy and rude hidden Angel and I’m the sweet and pretty devil.”

“Heh, so I’m not pretty?” He jokingly asked. You faced him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“You’re the prettiest,” you joked with him. You both giggled a bit before sharing a sweet kiss for a moment. You both separated and you began to walk hand in hand as you led the way.

“But seriously babe, be cautious. Okay? S’all im asking for. And at least try to do your homework. There’s no reason for you to be acting up like this.” He said but his words stung a bit. He..really...didn’t understand....at all. Your eyes went wide but you minimized them before turning to face him. You grew slightly silent as you stopped walking for a bit and he looked at you with a concerned yet serious face.

“....Um...yeah. Sure. And you’re right Suki. There’s uh.....no reason for this.”

—

After Katsuki walked you home, he kissed you goodbye for now before you walked into your very empty home. You sighed at the quiet and walked to the kitchen to find another note and your dinner placed in tupperware.

‘Hi baby. I’m sorry I’m not home again. I’ll be back later tonight. I have your dinner all set, just heat it up before dining.

Love you, -Mom’

Great. Another empty house for the umpteenth time in a row. You appreciated everything your mom did for the two of you. I mean, she is working 3 jobs to pay for the house and your school. Not to mention, put food on the table. But sometimes you couldn’t help but hate her for being gone so much. You missed her.

You took a shower and changed into some sleeping clothes. You brought your school bag with you to the kitchen and placed it on the seat before heating up your dinner. While waiting, you pulled out your homework.

Listen, it’s not that you didn’t want to do the homework. It’s more so that you couldn’t. You weren’t the smartest student and a lot of the time, you’d need help with the work. In class, it was easier because you had Katsuki but recently he’s been a little busier so you didn’t wanna be a bother. You didn’t wanna ask anyone else and so you resulted into helping yourself in some way. People always told you to confine in the help of your parents but one of them was gone and the other was always busy. There’s no one that could help.

You read the itinerary and came to the conclusion that it was just too hard for you to understand on your own. It would have to be another failed assignment but whatever. It was just one of many. You ate dinner, put away your work and bags and opted to sleep. Just drift away into dreamland where things were better. Where your dad was still a part of your family. Where your mom didn’t struggle in bringing home cash. Where you were a better student and person who did her work.

—

A Week Later

“So did your little brat ass even write down a sentence?” Your boyfriend teasingly asked.

“What do you think Suki?” You said with a smirk as you faced him from your desk. His eyes went wide as he stilled in his seat next to you.

“...Did you even try?” He asked, worried for your academic career and you. He tried encouraging you all week and you didn’t do anything?

“Relax babe. I opted for a visual,” you said with closed eyes and a smile. He smiled too, proud of you for getting it done.

“You actually did it? Nice work princess,” he said and leaned over to peck your cheek but you only giggled as you clarified.

“Well, more or less.” You said as you stated ahead with a smirk.

“More or less? The hell does that mean Y/-“ he was cut off by the sound of the door opening and their teacher walking in. Aizawa had walked up to the podium and began role-call. Eventually, he made it to the topic of homework and his attention was immediately focused towards you.

“L/N!” Aizawa called out in a non-aggressive or angry way. More like his form of enthusiasm.

“Yes sir?” You replied back with actual enthusiasm.

“Time to present your homework.”

“Can’t do that sir.”

“Why not?”

“Didn’t do my homework sir.”

“Why not?”

“That’s what I’m rebelling against sir.”

You smiled with a very devious demeanor and Aizawa sighed again before he continued. “Did you at least do anything for the assignment?”

“Sort of. But I’m gonna need a certain someone else to go first. Iida, I’m talking about you,” you said turning to face the very robotic and precise young man.

“I’d be glad to present first!” He said and quickly left to the hallway to bring in his visual. Now, the reason why you called on Iida first was because you knew he’d be the only one to actually do a visual and he went above and beyond. Aka, he used sparklers to give it a “wow factor” for creativity points. You would know. You had watched him do his work to see what you can rip off of him but oh well. A new plan already came into mind and so here we are!

Iida walked in with his visual to stand at the front of the doorway and yes, the sparklers were lit! You smiled at the sight and only allowed him to get a sentence out before you interrupted.

“Perfect! Thank you Iida!” You said as you got up. “But now I’m gonna need to show my assignment. You just stay right there.”

“Y/N..” Bakugou quietly called out as he watched you walk around to every student.

“Now, I’m gonna need a piece of everyone’s assignment. So I’ll take this,” you said and took Denki’s paper off his desk and went for everyone else’s as well. You lastly took Bakugou’s before walking over to Iida and taking a sparkler.

“So! For my assignment based on a rebellion, I chose to ignore the whole history part and decided to show you what’s gonna be happening in the now. This is my rebellion. Homework! Why all the homework, Aizawa?” You asked as you walked back to your desk. You kept talking as you kept walking. “We wake up at early hours, go to school, then go to hero school/training and head home with more work to do aka homework. As students, we never get to take control of what we want to do because we’re so preoccupied with school, school, school.”

“L/N...” Aizawa warned as he watched you stand on your desk.

“My rebellion? No homework, more freedom.” You said and began to bring the spark close to all the paper assignments but Aizawa snatched them out of your hand before you and the chance to start a fire.

“Al-Alright! That’s enough L/N!” He warned but you stood firm as you raised the sparkler to the roof.

“No homework, more freedom! No homework, more-“ You were cut off by the sprinklers being activated due to the spark being so close. Students ran out the room to avoid the water but Bakugou stayed with you along with Aizawa as the three of you became soaked.

10 minutes later

You and Katsuki waited outside the room together waiting for Aizawa to return to most likely scold and reprimand you. You were both drenched in water as you looked towards the ground and Katsuki grinded his teeth together. While waiting, it was clear your own boyfriend had been pissed with your actions and surprisingly, he decided to scold you as well.

“What the hell was that all about Y/N!?” Bakugou shouted as he stepped infront of you staring you down. You looked up at your boyfriend in shock. You’ve known each other ever since Junior High and not once has he ever been truly angry with you and your rebellious side. So this shouting was a shock to you.

“What? I did the assignment. I showed what I rebelled against-“

“Y/N quite acting like a dumbass! You know what I mean!” He shouted again. “You’re smart! I know you are! You have intelligence and yet you refuse to do anything useful with it! You get yourself into so much damn trouble and I’ve been trying my fucking best to lead you away from that shit but nothing seems to work! I want you to be yourself and I love you with my everything but this bad girl image isn’t you! Do you even realize how fucking disrespectful and wild you get sometimes?! It’s getting out of hand!”

You bit your lip as you looked to the floor once more. A silence over came the two of you.

“I’m sorry..” you softly said while looking up at him before the silence had a chance to grow alarmingly loud.

“I am too! Because you go too fucking far!” He said with stern eyes and a booming voice. You felt tears reach your eyes and you tried to blink them away as you looked at him and spoke again.

“....I have no one at home who helps me with my homework...” you said brokenly. Bakugou looked at you with a confused and kind of worried face as another silence grew. You said nothing and did nothing as you walked away from him, not even bothering to wait for Aizawa anymore and just went home.

—

Bakugou constantly tried to reach out to you. He called you always, spammed you with texts, left voicemail after voice and nothing. After that day, you stopped going to school. Bakugou occasionally tried going to your house to knock on the door, but it wasn’t too often due to him still believing your “strict parents” story. And either way, you never opened the door.

On the inside of your home, you were in your room. You ignored all of Bakugou’s attempts to contact you. You couldn’t be around him right now. You couldn’t be around anyone right now. You didn’t even wanna be around anyone at home but I guess that was the usual already. Your mom was too focused on working to notice her sad child but luckily she was also too busy to notice the constant phone calls from the school trying to inform her of her child’s absences. She always had a meal prepped for you when you ��returned home from school,” and so that would be your meal. Including anything else you guys had laying around in the kitchen.

Days past by and most of the time, you were in your room staring down at the homework itinerary. You constantly thought about Bakugou’s words.

“You’re smart! ...... This bad girl image isn’t you!”

Was he right? You had no idea. Your dad left when you were five and it blindsided you. You’ve been lost and in the dark for 11 years. Was this bad girl who you were? Were you smart? Did you even know who you really were? You would constantly stare at yourself in the mirror trying to figure out and recognize who the girl in front of you was but you never figured it out. You thought you did but maybe you were wrong.

You spent a lot of time on your phone, specifically through the photo album on it that was filled with pictures of you and Katsuki. It made you smile looking at all the memories. You smiled at the fact that you were blessed with him. He brings out a better you...the best you....the real you. All the times you were with him were all genuine. It was the real you. And you had finally realized that. But you couldn’t be sure.

The bad girl you was still a part of who you were for over a decade of your life. Maybe that was who you were now. And there was only one way you could find out.

—

It’s been a week and you still weren’t in school. The day ended and Bakugou still waited and waited for you. He never stopped trying to reach out to you. He never stopped because he loved you but now, he also had questions.

‘What did you mean when you said you had nobody at home to help you?’ He thought to himself. The end of the day bell rang and Bakugou, too lost in his mind, didn’t realize all the students leaving. He didn’t even realize Mr. Aizawa walking up to him.

“Bakugou..” he began.

“Tch...the hell do you want?” He said while still staring down at his desk. Aizawa stared down at the sad blonde, slightly in shocked. He had never seen his loud, angry, prideful student this way.

“How’s L/N doing?” He asked.

“Like I would know. She hasn’t spoken to me in days.” Bakugou easily confessed. He honestly didn’t care how he looked. He’s been bottling up everything and needed to talk to someone. He was a little glad it was just his teacher and not one of his peers who he thought would just tease him for the weakness he was displaying.

“Well try to keep an eye on her.” he said and Bakugou looked up at him in confusion. “L/N may put up a tough front, but she’s human. She can only take so much before she explodes like a volcano. Knowing her, it can go 2 ways. She either breaks down in tears and gets everything off her chest or most likely, she’ll follow her rebellious behavior and utterly screw up. Who knows what trouble she could get herself into.”

Bakugou’s eyes shot open at the thought of you committing such terrible things. Aizawa walked back to his yellow sleeping bag once he realized Bakugou got the message.

“However, I will say this,” he said and got into his bag. “She’s very lucky to have you as her light in the dark. Make sure you continue to be her light until she’s completely away from the shadows.”

Bakugou nodded his head in silence as he stood up and went home. Tomorrow, he was going to get to the bottom of this. He won’t let his little volcano blow.

—

The blonde had gotten ready and planned to head over to your house to talk to you. Not try to. He will speak to you and he will help you. As he walked into the gates of UA he was shocked to see a pretty face waiting for him at the entrance.

“Hey Suki!” You said with a smile as you walked to him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Y/N...” Bakugou gasped out quietly. Once he felt your embrace around his neck he was quick to wrap his arms around your waist and hold you tight. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and melted into the scent of you. He held you so close you were kind of losing oxygen.

��Umm..Suki. Can’t breath!” You said jokingly. Bakugou was quick to let go but still keep a loose hold on you.

“Sorry! Sorry- I just- I-“

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m glad you missed me,” you said with a wink and Bakugou smiled. He truly did miss you. “But right now, we should get to class.”

Bakugou was shocked you were choosing to go to class but he nodded with a soft smile and followed your lead nonetheless. You walked into the classroom and took your seat after making eye contact with Aizawa. When you were seated, Aizawa looked at Bakugou and gave a signal of an explosion with his hands and mouth. Bakugou got the idea.

At any time, this might be the buildup to Y/N’s explosion.

Bakugou took his seat and was quick to talk to you. “Baby? You’re not gonna....burst or something right? Everything is fine? Yeah?”

“Uhh, kinda? I mean, I’m pretty secure. I just wanna find myself after all the years of being so lost. .....I’m sure that soon I’ll get those answers.” You calmly said.

“What do you mean?” Bakugou said. He knew it. You were gonna explode. And he also realized he needed answers too. What the hell was going on with you and why didn’t he know?

“Don’t worry love!” You cheerfully said as Aizawa began class. Time went by and class continued. Bakugou was constantly looking your way to check for any signs of agitation. Suddenly, the fire alarm rang and students jumped at the loud sound. Some began walking out as Bakugou sighed in relief.

“Oh thank god! You exploded,” he sighed with his head back and hand on his chest.

“What do you mean?” You questioned.

“You. You exploded. This is you getting all the frustrations off your chest,” he stood up and addressed everyone. “It’s fine idiots. This is just Y/N being a little delinquent,”

“Your blood pumping?” You calmly asked.

“Yup,” Bakugou said with a satisfied smile.

“Good, I didn’t do it,” you calmly said to Bakugou but he continued.

“Yes you did! Im assuming she started a fire but it’s fine. S’not a villain or something so don’t sweat it.” He said aloud. “Go ahead and get out of here Morons, I’ll make sure she’s in check.”

“I-...I didn’t do it,” you still calmly said but this time to reassure the class as Bakugou grabbed your wrist.

“Yes you did, and it’s fine! Because this is how you get all the bad out so now you can’t do anymore bad for 3,000 years.” He said happily but you still looked at him with a bored stare when out of nowhere, the alarm stopped and Principle Nezu came onto the loud speaker.

“Sorry students. False alarm. No need to worry, please proceed with your studies.” The students sighed in relief and Bakugou’s smile dropped as he finally realized this wasn’t you going boom.

“You didn’t do this? You aren’t a volcano?” He asked.

“No explody,” you said in a sing-song voice as you shook your head.

“You need a nap?” He asked. Maybe instead of exploding, you could just sleep off the issues.

“Wide awakey,” you replied.

“..You’re gonna burst and destroy the whole village, aren’t ya?” He sadly and metaphorically asked. You nodded your head as you replied.

“......And the neighboring towns.”

Bakugou just groaned and dropped your wrist as he sat back down with an annoyed face. You giggled as you took your seat too.

—

The bell that signaled the end of the day rang and you were quick on your feet as you skidded to Bakugou and pecked his cheek. He looked up at you with a soft smile, poked his lips out a little, and pointed at his lips for an actual kiss (which you gladly gave.)

“What’s the rush dumbass?” He asked.

“I’ve got somewhere to be. Don’t worry though, I’ll be fine!” You reassured him.

“..Alright I guess? You still coming over later for dinner with the old hags or...?”

“I’ll be there Suki!” You said and his nerves settled a bit. He kissed you on your cheek and nodded before he allowed you to leave the room and head off to wherever. As he watched you go, he couldn’t stop the uncomfortable stress he felt in his chest.

—

A few hours had passed since Bakugou’s last seen you. After school he went straight to the gym before dinner. While working out, his mind couldn’t help but wonder what you were up to. What was so important that it had you rushing around like that?

While Katsuki sat at the gym questioning your whereabouts, you were walking to the park with a book bag. You walked into the closed park. It was beautiful. The calming winds, the soft grass, the shining moon, and the beautiful gardens that held happy statues. Too bad you were here to find out who you were.

You placed the bag down on a bench and pulled out your tools. A brick, a hammer, spray cans, and matches. You looked at the instruments you brought and sighed at your actions. Were you really going to demolish a beautiful place just to discover yourself? Was this bad girl image really worth it? You hesitated before you went in to pick up the hammer but before you could, a familiar voice spoke up.

“Well look what we have here. Miss Y/N L/N, the rebel herself.” You turned around to see a few old friends. Haruki Gen, the professional gambler and money hussler and Izumi Tobio, the ruthless fighter. These two were your old friends. People you used to get into a whole lotta trouble with. You three were a delinquent trio that were all about no rules and no restraints. You completely forgot this was the usual hang where you three would just relax after a hard day of mean pranks, harmless stealing, and bullying.

“Haruki. Izumi. S’been awhile,” you said with a nonchalant smile.

“Of course it has. You left us after you got with that blondie boy-wonder.” Haruki teased. You chuckled but were offended as they picked at your boyfriend.

“His name is Katsuki.” You said with your hands in your back pockets.

“Whatever,” Izumi interrupted. “It’s a little dark out here. It gets scary when it gets dark around here.”

“Oh, I appreciate the warning.” You softly said with rudeness laced into the message.

“So where’s boy wonder?” Haruki asked.

“Katsuki.”

“Boy wonder. We see you got a brick and hammer here. Boy wonder isn’t gonna stop you?”

“Once again, Katsuki.” You warned.

“Yeah yeah. You gonna tell us what you’re doing here with those things. Whatcha’ gonna do? Build a house?” She teased.

“She’s Y/N L/N. She’s gonna burn the place down,” Izumi said as she wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

“Nah,” Haruki Said. “She’s changed. She’s gone soft. Just like boy wonder.”

“Okay, I’m gonna need you to start calling him Katsuki.” You warned.

“You’re soft like Katsuki. Better?” Izumi said softly into the side of your face.

“I’m not soft.” You said but Izumi disagreed.

“Yeaaahhhh you are. You’ve gone soft. But that’s okay. ‘Cuz we can fix that. And you know how we fix things? With a hammer.” She said and looked to Haruki. You both watched as Haruki went to pick up the hammer you brought and walk back to her spot next to you. “We could do a loootttt of damage with this equipment. Is that what you came here for? To see what you’re still capable of?”

“....Yeah....yeah I came to see what I’m still capable of.” You replied with a quiet but dark voice.

“Really?” Izumi said. “Because I’d love to have you back here doing damage with us.”

“Mhm!” Haruki agreed. “Now...watch and remember that this is what we do with a hammer.” She said before she bashed the head clean off the neck of a statue that oddly resembled your own boyfriend. You slightly flinched at the sound and sight of destruction while Izumi walked to Haruki.

“Okay slugger, let’s give someone else a chance,” she said and took the hammer from Haruki before placing it in your hands. “Show us what you got....softie.”

You took the hammer and once again hesitated before you raised the tool in the air to smash the statue. You freezed midway before you could finish the job. The statue really did remind you of Katsuki and you didn’t know if you had it in you to destroy anything reminding you of him. You paused for awhile and Izumi sighed as she took the hammer out of your hand.

“You’re soft L/N. I know it. You know it.”

“You’re not one of us anymore.” Haruki said.

“Exactly. You’re too soft to be one of us.” Izumi pushed you a bit, causing you to stumble forward slightly. “You chose the wrong group of friends. Chose the wrong person to associate with....you chose him. And he made you weak. So why don’t you just admit he made you weak and go home-“

“No. Because I’m not week.” You said as you faced them.

“Oh yeah? Prove it.” Haruki said as she walked towards you and you to her. “Take this hammer from me and prove it. Or else I’m gonna bust up Mr. Perfect right in front of you. ‘Cuz I don’t see anyone here who can stop me.” She said as she motioned towards the statue. She went in to bash it once more and you were quick to grab her arm and snatch the hammer out of her hand.

“Yeah there is,” you said and walked to the bench and picked up the hard piece of rock. “‘Cuz I’ve got the brick, and I’ve got the hammer.”

The two girls smirked at you and Izumi spoke up once more. “Good for you L/N. You know what you’re gonna do with those?”

You sighed through your nose before taking your arm and wrapping it around Izumi very casually, but brought her below your level and whispered in her ear but remained loud enough for Haruki to hear. “I know exactly what I’m gonna do with those.....I know exactly who I am.”

You pushed Izumi off of you and watched her backup to Haruki. They both looked at you in shock and slight fear as you held the weapons that you were capable of harming them with. You stared them down as they watched you with caution.

—

Hinata L/N. Your mother. She returned home at a surprisingly early hour of the night after finishing her final shift. She was exhausted and completely overworked, but knowing she made some money to support her and her daughter made her smile. She was glad she got to come home and spend some time with her daughter but when she called out your name, only silence filled the air.

She walked to the kitchen but stopped in shock to find the dinner she left for you completely untouched. It remained on the island with the Saran Wrap still covering it. Worried, she went up to her daughters room only to open it and see no one. Hinata’s eyes went wide in shock. Where was her baby girl? She ran to the closet in hopes of you being there, went to the bathroom to find it empty, and even went to the backyard to no avail. The entire time she screamed your name with tears filling her eyes. In a panic, she called a close friend of hers, telling her that she was on her way for a quick visit. It may have been years since they’ve spoken, but the bond was still there and help and comfort was all she needed right now.

—

Bakugou had finished his time at the gym, took a quick shower there, and made it home. When he walked through the front door, he didn’t expect to find his worried parents consulting a sad woman.

“The hell happened?” The young blonde questioned. The adults in the room took notice of the boy as he walked into the living room and Mitsuki was the first to speak up.

“Katsuki, this is my old friend Hinata. She’s come here for help.” Mitsuki quickly explained. Usually, she’d check her son for his abrasive language but let it slide as she wanted to out her full attention of her dear friend.

“That still doesn’t explain what happened, ya old hag.” Bakugou said placing his bag down and taking a seat. He was a hero trainee and it was in him to help those in need. Granted, he was kinda peeved at not seeing his girlfriend for a few hours and helping out some random, sappy, sad stranger wasn’t really intriguing but a hero’s gotta do what a hero’s gotta do.

“My daughter, Y/N, had gone missing.” Hinata explained. She was worried, yes, but she had always allowed Y/N to wander the city so in the back of her mind she hoped her daughter was just extending the time of her little stroll or whatever she was doing.

“Y/N?” Bakugou whispered to himself.

“Katsuki, you idiot! Your girlfriend!” Mitsuki shouted at the boy. Bakugou’s eyes popped open as he stood from his seat in a rush. He felt his heart about to blow in fear of something bad happening to his Y/N.

“WHAT?! Where the hell did she go?!” Bakugou screamed in fear with a worried look. Before any adults could answer a cop walked through the open door.

“I can answer that.” Officer Haru said. The four of them all looked towards the door to see the officer at the door way. They watched as the officer faced the door and tilted his head inwards. In came another officer that dragged along Y/N. The officer kept Y/N’s arm behind her back as she stumbled forward the slightest bit.

“Baby girl, what happened?” Hinata said as she got up in concern. You remained silent as you allowed officer Haru to speak.

“I’ll tell you what happen. Musutafu code 459 and 623.” He said.

“Vandalism? And Physical Assualt?” Masaru said concerned.

“What?!” Mitsuki said in shocked.

“What?” Hinata said in follow.

“Y/N...what the hell did you do?” Bakugou said in concern as he faced you. Your boyfriend kept his worried but stern gaze on you but that was because Bakugou was shocked. He knew you would explode but committing crimes and assault? Not to mention getting arrested? That’s not what he expected at all.

“You...” you began as you slanted your sight to your Pomeranian of a boyfriend. “You did this to me! Lock me up and put me in jail for the rest of my life and don’t allow visitors or else he’ll show up and bring me my stupid homework!” You said as you walked towards him but the officer held his hand out infront of you to keep you from getting any closer.

“Well first of all, I’d be helping your dumbass!” Bakugou said in reply. The officer took a look at Bakugou and spoke again.

“You’re the kid who’s head she put back on,” Haru said as he pointed towards Katsuki.

“What?” The blonde boy said.

“He’s my boyfriend and he ruined me!” You said still being held back by officer Haru’s arm.

“She’s my girlfriend and I love her,” Bakugou said with a stern voice and his hands in his pockets as he glared you down. “Look, Y/N. Just tell me what you did.”

“She assaulted two teenage girls and did a number on a public park. My park. I watch that park every day and it has never met harm not once until she came along.

“I’m sorry...” you softly said. A quick silence filled the room before Haru spoke once more.

“You all care about this girl?”

“We do.” Mitsuki said with 100% sureness.

“Then let’s all take a field trip down to my park so I can show you all just what she did. Let’s go.” Haru said and guided everyone out the door. Katsuki tried to grab your arm to get an explanation on his own but you shook your head, took his hand, and guided him as well.

After a short walk, you all made it to the park. All of you had walked through the gates to find the concrete area had been completely altered. The walls were painted in beautiful colors with inspiring murals, covering them in words of hope. Extremely precise and intricate chalk designs were covering the ground and the once broken statue had been fixed completely. You all looked around in awe. You walked towards the statues and Bakugou followed you.

“.....I had a brick in my hand.”

“Why?” Bakugou asked with a soft voice. You looked up to him with an equally soft expression as you spoke quietly.

“..because somebody went after you..I know you can defend yourself Suki but..still.”

“Who Y/N?” Mitsuki asked with worry. You took a breath before continuing as you opened up about your past a bit.

“..These two girls I used to know. These two troubled girls I used to know. I could’ve been them..I was one of them. And Suki, even today I would’ve been one of them.” You said but you made eye contact and broke into the smallest smile as you stared into his ruby eyes. “But I’m not. ‘Cuz they think a hammer and a brick makes you strong and as much as I wanted to throw a brick through a window..I knew it would’ve made me weak. I’m strong. And I know it’s because there’s something inside me that stops me from being weak and being one of them, and you are the reason why I have that something. And that something is the reason why I’ll never do any true damage.”

“Because you’re not bad, Y/N.” Bakugou said with a soft smile. You nodded your head and agreed.

“Yeah....why am I not bad?” You asked in confusion. Bakugou chuckled as he took your hands in his and placed his forehead to yours.

“Because it’s just not who you are. You may be a rebel at times, but you’re a rebel with a cause....it’s why I love you.” He softly said and you whimpered a bit at his words as he pulled you in for a tight hug and you slightly weeped into his shoulder. He kissed your temple to calm you down and you pulled your face away from him and just allowed your body to rest against his.

“What happened to the girls?” Masaru asked. You pulled away from Bakugou but allowed him to hold onto your side as you explained with a quivering voice.

“Oh, well they may or may have not insulted everyone and everything I love, so I may or may not have used my hero training against them until they learned their lesson.....especially since they were the ones who destroyed the statue.” You explained and they all just chuckled at your explanation.

“Yeah....they ran away so fast,” you chuckled out softly.

A comfortable silence came around until officer Haru spoke again. “My park. I watch this park everyday.”

You pulled away from Bakugou and stepped to the officer. “...I’m sorry..” you quietly said as you placed your wrists together, expecting the old officer to cuff you. Instead he stared at your wrists before softly grabbing them with his hands and just holding them.

“..You know I’m not gonna give up on that Izumi and Haruki. But I don’t want you to be anything like them.” Old officer Haru said with a comforting voice.

“Heh...I can’t....Katsuki won’t let me.” And the group all chuckled and laughed at that. Haru let go of your hands as he spoke again.

“Musutafu code 459 and 623. Vandalism. Physical Assualt. I’m gonna write this report down. And I’m gonna put it into a file. And then I’m gonna “misplace” that file. And if I never hear from you two hoodlums again, then that file remains misplaced.” He said, admitting to letting you off the hook. You sighed a little as Katsuki walked up to the two of you and softly spoke to you.

“....Ima hoodlum.” He said. Oh, the comedic relief this boy is bringing. You looked at him but went back to the officer as you looked at him in confusion.

“Why’re you letting me off the hook?” You asked but officer Haru just looked around at his newly renovated park.

“My park....I look at this park everyday....I have hope for this park too.” You smiled at him before he nodded with his cap and walked away from you all. The adults all looked at the two teens and saw Katsuki nod his head as he held you. They decided to give the two of you some space and head back to the house while you and Katsuki took a seat on the bench. You sat next to each other in a warm silence as Katsuki kept an arm around your waist and held you tight.

“...You still owe me an explanation Y/N.” He said and you nodded as you looked to him. He was right. You not only owed him an explanation but he deserved one too. And so you told him everything. All the lies, how your father left early on, how it was just you and your mother who struggled to keep the lights on. You told him you lied to him to prevent him from worrying, claiming that the troubled life was everything you knew and you thought you would be able to survive without his help. When he asked how his mother knew yours but didn’t know that you were the daughter of her dear friend, you told him how she did know but you begged her to not tell Katsuki. You told Mitsuki you would tell Katsuki eventually but eventually never came until now. Katsuki, being the great boyfriend that he is, listened to everything. He didn’t judge you for anything. Was he a little mad at the lies? Yes, but he understood. And he still loved you nonetheless.

Eventually, it became so late that the sun began to rise over the park and you were all cuddled up into Katsuki’s side with your knees pressed up against your chest. He rested his head on yours as you rested your own on his shoulder. You both just reveled in the intimate moment and savored every second.

“Hey princess?”

“Yeah Suki?” Bakugou looked towards the statue and smiled before speaking.

“Thanks for putting my head back on.”

You looked at him, pecked his cheek, and snuggled in closer.

“Yeah.....same to you.”

A/N: Hey Cubs! I know this wasn’t really a Bakugou x Reader kinda thing but I like the story line of it and I wrote it so HAH! Truthfully though, I hoped you all enjoyed it. Stay tuned. Oh! And part 9 of “Oh, The Lies You Tell” will be out shortly! See you soon Cubs!

[harrysweasleys]

Don’t Hide From Me

Synopsis: Slytherin!Reader suffers from major anxiety but doesn’t tell her boyfriend George Weasley. One day, the Weasley siblings find her confiding in Draco and George wants answers.

Warnings: anxiety, angst, language

Word Count: 2,703

A/N: If any of you deal with anxiety or anything else, I always have my inbox open if you need to talk. xxx 

The Great Hall during breakfast was usually non-stop chitter chatter to the point where you could barely hear the person next to you if they spoke to you at a regular volume. Today was not that case. Umbridge sat proudly at the front of the room, a wicked grin on her face as she overlooked the grumpy students, loving the power she held over the room even if there was nothing for her to do.

The Slytherin house was her favourite, so your friends didn’t have much to say about her and her evil-ness, but you couldn’t stand her. She knew damn well what she was doing at Hogwarts and she was loving it.

Every morning you’d come down and right as you’d enter the Great Hall, you’d be forced to read another one of her new rules she had Filch nail up overnight. They had gotten ridiculous, including rules such as ‘girls and boys must stay 8 inches away from each other’ and even ‘no Weasley products to be used in school.’

Although you didn’t see your boyfriend George too often during the school day, the evenings where you got to see him before curfew were filled with him complaining about every single aspect of the pink witch. You complained about her a lot too, you weren’t going to lie, but it was more involving the fact that that woman had instilled stress in you that you didn’t even think was possible.

You had trouble sleeping at night, and on the occasion where you did fall asleep, you had nightmares about her banishing you from the grounds or torturing you the way other students had told you she's done. You were anxious out of your mind about every little thing. You had started to lose patience with the people around you, and found yourself feeling drained nearly every second of the day. Umbridge really had a tight grip on your mental health.

“You seem lost in thought,” Pansy’s nasally voice brought you back to reality.

You snapped your head in her direction, shrugging, “I’m just thinking about OWLs, I guess.”

Pansy nodded, “Who cares? They’re stupid exams anyways. Just go with the flow and stop overthinking.”

You nodded along, not really caring about her opinion on anything school related anyways. She barely ever showed up to class so listening to her academic advice was at the bottom of your to-do list. You knew the OWLs were a huge deal and there was no way you wouldn’t ‘overthink’ because you would be damned if you didn’t work your ass off to pass those exams.

“I’m going to go to the Common Room, I’m drained.” You waved bye to your friends and started making your way out of the hall, being interrupted along the way by a tall ginger boy.

“Y/N! Hey, wait, I have an idea to run by you.” George gave you a wicked grin, almost making you do the same. His smile was contagious, no one could deny it.

“What is it, Georgie?” You smiled, letting him lead you out of the Great Hall where he knew no one could hear him even if they wanted to. He wasn’t exactly a quiet talker.

You walked further down the corridor, way out of sight from the Great Hall, and sat on a bench, turning to face the twin.

“What do you think about making sugar that takes your voice away? That way we can slip it into Umbridge’s tea before class starts and she’d have no voice for the whole lesson.” He gave you jazz hands as he finished explaining his idea, his eyebrows high up on his forehead.

“Oh, um, do you really think that’s a good idea?” You leaned back, slouching your shoulders slightly, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind the idea of pranking her, it’s just I don’t want her to realize it’s a prank and then make this whole situation worse than it should be.”

George sat back, almost disappointed that you weren’t on board, “Really? I thought you’d be all for getting back at her for the Black Quill thing.” He finished talking, running his fingers over the faint scar on his left hand from when Umbridge punished you all after finding out about Dumbledore’s Army.

“Look, if you want to prank her go ahead,” you sighed, feeling defeated, also running your fingers over the back of your left hand, “Just don’t involve me.”

George furrowed his eyebrows, “Wait, what? You always want to be involved.”

You adjusted your robe, feeling uncomfortable, “I… I’m just drained, George. Sorry.”

He shook his head, standing up, “Alright, fine. That’s fine.” And without another word, he took off down the corridor, leaving you sulking on the bench by yourself.

You internally groaned, hating that you upset him, but also not feeling up to running after him and explaining why you’ve been so off lately. You sat there for another few minutes, guilt seeping into your chest on top of everything else you’ve been feeling.

You eventually got up, went to get your books in your room, and head off to potions class. You sat at the back, hoping no one would sit next to you so you could avoid any sort of conversation or social interaction, and opened your book, ready to attempt to take notes despite the fact that you couldn’t focus on anything for more than two seconds before your mind wandered outside of the class.

The class went by excruciatingly slow.

Snape must have been in a worse mood than usual, glaring at the class as if you guys had caused every problem in his life, and assigning homework like you had no other classes to focus on.

You went to the great hall for dinner that night feeling a million times worse than you had that morning. You tried sitting away from your friends, not feeling up to talking to them, and munched on the tiny portion of food on your plate. You let your eyes wander over to the Gryffindor table, your heart clenching in your chest as you noticed George looking over at you, his expression unreadable.

You wanted to mouth ‘I’m sorry’ over to him, but before you could, he turned to his left and started laughing at a joke Ron had made. You felt your face drop. You had upset him more than you thought. He usually couldn’t keep his eyes off of you at dinner time.

You made your way back to the common room that night with a slight drop in your step, overthinking the current situation with George. What if he broke up with you because he thought you were over him? Or bored with him? George oozed confidence where you lacked it, and maybe he’d realize that and move onto someone who aimed for the same level of fun as him.

When you two first started dating, you did everything together. Pranks, jokes, you even helped him develop candy ideas with Fred. All of that seemed so far away now that everything at school had changed and fun seemed to be non-existent.

You turned a corner, immediately realizing you were in the completely wrong area of the school. To be honest, you had no idea where you were. You looked around, not even sure where you had come from, and leaned against a wall in complete defeat. You slow fell down to the ground, feeling the hot tears pricking at your eyes and making your throat itch.

Great.

What if Filch found you and brought you to Umbridge?

You brought your knees to your chest, the tears already flowing down your cheeks as you leaned your head down, crying silently in the middle of a random corridor.

“What’s your problem?” A voice grabbed your attention, and you brought the sleeve of your robe up to your eyes, wiping away the pathetic tears.

Draco Malfoy stood there, arms crossed and a confused expression on his face, “Y/N? Why are you sitting here crying?”

“I was lost,” you mumbled quietly, cursing yourself for showing your emotions in front of someone who was bound to make fun of you for it.

“That’s it? You’re just crying because you’re lost?” He asked, eyebrows raising in amusement.

You rolled your eyes, “No, it’s more than just that…”

He seemed to debate something in his head, but brushed it aside and slowly walked over to you and sat down, “Um… do you, like, I don’t know, feel like venting or whatever?”

“Really? You want to listen to my problems?” You asked, a dry chuckle accompanying it.

“Why not? What else have I got to do? Besides, I’m not on duty anymore since we found the secret club you had with your friends.” He leaned his head back against the wall, a proud smirk on his lips as he thought back to how he barged in to the Room of Requirements and dragged you out by your hair alongside people you had grown really fond of.

“You told me I was an embarrassment to Slytherin, Malfoy.” You reminded him, watching him roll his eyes.

“Whatever, do you want to vent or not?” He asked, turning to face you with an emotionless glare.

“Fine. I’m stressed.”

“And?”

“And what?”

He waved his hands, “What else? You’re not just stressed. Everyone’s stressed, we don’t all cry about it.”

“Fine, you really want to know?” You took a deep breath, “I’m stressed about failing my OWLs, I’m stressed about Umbridge kicking me out, I’m stressed about the millions of homework assignments we have to do, I’m worried about my family with this whole ‘dark lord rising again’ situation, I’m worried about George, his entire family hates me and I think he’s starting to as well. I haven’t slept properly in two months, I don’t eat, I want to avoid talking to people as much as possible. I also get really bad headaches sometimes, but maybe it’s because I’ve got a thousand things going on in my mind.”

Draco’s eyes were wide as you started crying again, “That’s impossible. People can’t feel that many things at once.”

“Just because you don’t feel at all doesn’t mean other people can’t, you idiot.”

He chuckled at your comment, “I’m not good at advice, but I think for starters, you need to eat and sleep. And then, talk to the Weasel and sort out your drama there.”

You nodded, wiping your tears once more, “Yeah, I know. It’s just hard. I can’t focus on doing anything.”

Before he could answer you, a crowd of voices came around the corner and your eyes widened when you noticed the ginger bunch looking down at you two.

“Y/N?” Ginny asked, arms crossed, “Should have known we’d find you with Malfoy eventually.”

Ron scoffed, agreeing with his sister. You looked behind them and noticed Fred scowling at you.

“What? No, we were just talking. Where’s George?” You asked, standing up quickly to face them.

“Please, as if we’d let you near our brother. I know you’re a Slytherin but I thought you’d be more loyal than that.” Ron glared at you.

“What? I am loyal, what are you talking about?” You felt your face go pale, worried they’d run back and tell George something that wasn’t true.

“You and Malfoy. It’s blatantly obvious.” Ginny mumbled, pointing behind you to the platinum headed boy who was now standing behind you.

“Let me just cut you off there,” Draco spoke up, “If you guys are thinking what I think you’re thinking, don’t. As if I’d be interested in her.”

You wanted to be insulted, but you knew if you reacted they’d think you have feelings for him, so you nodded, “Why the hell would I run off with Malfoy? You think I can stand looking at his face for more than five minutes a day? I was lost and crying and he somehow found me… Don’t know why he was down here, but anyways, he listened to me vent. That’s it.”

Ginny scoffed, pushing her brothers the other direction and out of sight. You wanted to call after them but you knew not to piss them off, you didn’t want to sink your reputation even deeper in the Weasley family.

“So… that was harsh,” Draco whistled lowly, “Why do you hate my face?”

“Sod off, Malfoy,” you rolled your eyes, “Lead me back to the common room, I want to go to bed.”

He complied, and the two of you walked back in silence. You felt defeated, heart broken, and you knew damn well George would hear all about how you were sitting next to Draco Malfoy in a dark corridor.

You sulked up to your room and crashed down on your bed, not even bothering to change your clothes as you thought of all the ways you could talk to George and clear things up. You had a feeling he probably wouldn’t talk to you, but right now, that was your top priority.

The next morning, you stormed down to the great hall, determination in your step, and bee-lined straight towards the ginger haired section of the Gryffindor table. You could hear Ron groan upon seeing you, but you ignored it, facing the twins.

“George, we need to talk.”

He looked at you with squinted eyes, “You sure your boyfriend would allow that?” He pointed his head behind you. You turned to face where he was looking, eyes falling on Malfoy who was deep in conversation with Goyle.

“We need to talk.” You repeated, placing your hands on your hips.

George stood up slowly, much to the distaste of his siblings, and followed you out of the hall. You turned right and found yourselves in along the courtyard - thank God.

“Now, I’m only going to say this once, I am not cheating with Malfoy, or whatever the hell it is you were told last night,” you spoke up, cutting him off with your hand before he could say anything, “Malfoy found me crying and he tried to comfort me, I guess the one decent bone he has in his body acted up or something, I don’t know, but anyways, he sat there and listened while I vented to him about everything that’s going on.”

“And what is going on?” George pressed, crossing his arms.

You sighed, “I haven’t told you but I think I have anxiety issues.”

“Wait, for real?” He asked, his face softening slightly.

“Yeah,” you nodded slowly, “It’s everything going on with Umbridge and the exams, there’s so much school work, no one’s doing anything about the Dark Lord being back, I’m worried about my family, I can’t focus in class. I can’t sleep, I don’t eat, I’m always tired because I overthink every tiny situation and I feel like I’m failing at everything.”

You stopped rambling, catching your breath and gaging George’s expression. His face softened and he dropped his arms, “Oh Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?”

Shrugging, you looked down to your feet, “You just seem so… I don’t know. You’re always having fun, I didn’t want to burden you with all of my baggage, I guess. Your siblings keep saying you could do better than me and I feel like they’re right.”

George pulled you into a hug, rubbing your hair softly with his hand as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “No, no, there’s no one better than you. I’m so, so sorry I overreacted and acted like a complete tosspot,” he pulled away and gave you a comforting smile, “Please, never be afraid to open up to me about anything. I want to help, I want to be here for you. Don’t hide from me.”

You smiled into his chest, “I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I should have known you’d want to help me.”

“Of course I do, you’re my girl,” he mumbled against your skin, sending warm vibrations down your spine as you revelled in the feeling of his hug.

“Now, you wanted to prank Umbridge?” You pulled away and grinned at him, a twinkle in your eye.

“Oh, yes.”

[scandeniall]

love in argentina

pairing: oikawa x reader

summary/warnings: you went to study abroad in argentina, he went there to play volleyball. you meet and your love story starts in argentina./ um yeah a ton of spoilers including 402. oh and just implied sex for 2 seconds

wc: 3.2k

notes: in honor of both oikawa’s birthday and the manga officially being over. its been a ride and i’m glad hes getting the ending he truly deserves. 

You're not sure when it happened. Growing up, you never really thought too much about love. You didn’t live in this fantasy that one day you’d get your happily ever after with your prince. You just lived as usual, focusing on your own dreams and goals. Being present and if love happened then it happened.

Oikawa isn’t quite sure when it happened. Growing up it had been a battle between volleyball and his own insecurities as he was determined to be the best. Sure he dated around, but it never amounted to much. There were so many people in the world to prove wrong and love had been pushed off the agenda.

But somehow it happened. Love had found its way into both of your lives and you found it within one another. It came without warning and despite every logical thought in your brains to run you didn’t. Now as you look at your fiance enter the arena your heart is filled with joy. You got your happily ever after all thanks to your last minute decision to study abroad in Argentina. 

----

Another clap of thunder caused another groan to rip through your throat. Looking around your vision was minimal due to the downpour. The occasional shiver ran through your spine whenever the wind would pick up. The covering of the protruding building could only do so much, afterall.  You eyed the directions on your phone for the nth time and still came up useless. When you decided to study in Argentina you looked at the frequency of rain, pleased at its limited occurrence. It was just your luck that your first weekend there you’d gotten caught. 

A hoard of footsteps pounding against the rain soaked pavement caused you to look up from the device, and before you knew it a group of 5 men stood under the buildings canopy out of breath, soaking wet and laughing. Out of instinct you found yourself moving away from the group of strangers as you listened to them talk and laugh. You heard one of them mention the next nearest building they could run over to get towards their destination. 

You eyed the phone again trying to make sense of the tiny map when three of them had run off. Right before the remaining ones could go you found yourself speaking up. Either be lost in San Juan for who knows how long or take your chance asking strangers for help. “Excuse me, could you guys point me in the direction of the university. I’m lost and I really need to get back to campus.”

The words came out rushed and you apologized for disturbing their day when the brunette in the group just laughed. “It's no problem. I’m Tōru. Tōru Oikawa.” 

That was how you met. He’d offered to show you the way back, claiming that he knew what it was like to be new and lost in the city. He’d waved his teammate off, before telling you to keep up. In between running from building covering to building you found out he was a player on the club team originally from Japan. 

“So you went across the world for volleyball? That's kind of cool.” You huffed out as the two of you ran under another canopy. After each one you'd allow yourselves to stop for a moment to not only catch your breath but to chat. “You went across the world to study.” “Yeah, but I’m only here for a semester. It seems you plan on staying. Not nearly as cool.”

Once the two of you arrived at the campus you offered to let him come in and dry off for a bit. “It's the least I could do.” You acknowledged that he didn’t have to show me all the way here and that surely he had better things to do. After a reluctant agreement the two of you found yourselves just talking. Oikawa had given you several food recommendations even ordering the “best empanadas ever” to your place. You two just seemed to have clicked. There was a sense of familiarity just like talking to an old friend that was instant. 

“I have to get going. But it was great to meet you.” As the two of you said goodbye you contemplated for a moment about to offer your own number when he does the same. “In case you get lost again,” he insisted, handing you his phone with a laugh. “My first friend in Argentina,” you joke back. After thanking him again he bids you farewell with a light smile. “I’ll see you around.”

And the two of you saw each other again and again. In between your classes and his practices the two of you found yourselves texting quite often. In between teaching eachother new phrases in Spanish, you shared food recommendations, stories of your own childhoods within your respective countries and went on several adventures. 

“You know, I haven't actually been here,” Oikawa hummed out from beside you. You had an assignment that required you to go to the Museo Provincial de Bellas Artes Franklin Rawson, the fine arts museum. It’d been nearly two months since you met Oikawa and when you'd asked him if he knew where it was located. Having no clue, he just decided to tag along with you. “Is that why you got us lost like 5 times on the way here,” you questioned before walking ahead to the next exhibit. “Hey!”

“Apparently there are 945 pieces here,” Oikawa read off as the two weaved throughout the other visitors, who were likely tourists. “Oh really? That's a lot,” you’d said mindlessly searching for a less crowded place to stand. You were vaguely aware of the hand resting on your upper back, his attempt at not allowing you two to become separated while also not pushing too far. You shot him a kind smile as he opened the door to the next exhibit. 

Throughout the museum the two of you took pictures with your favorite works, a few selfies here and there that Oikawa forced you to send to him before you’d go home and forget. He’d invited you to his next game, one you gladly accepted. You’d seen him play only twice before and were utterly mesmerized by his poise, control, and how he seemed to command the court. After the two of you left he insisted the two of you go out for a few drinks. It was a Saturday night afterall. 

You never quite made it to a bar. The two of you found yourselves just sitting on a bench downtown sipping your local drinks and just talking. “I love coming out at night, it's always so pretty,” you noted before taking another sip of your drink. The athlete only nodded in agreement. You didn’t know it then but that was the first time he’d wanted to kiss you. 

From the constant chatter of people walking he’d tuned in soleyl on your voice. The way the mixture of street and shop lights illuminated your face caught him off guard. However he pushed that feeling away just to enjoy the present. Eventually you’d go back home and he’d be wherever. Still playing and still working towards his goals. “Hey, are you ok?”

He was immediately pulled out of his thoughts, sending you a genuine smile. “Yeah, just a bit sore.” He noticed the way you frowned and immediately regretted using that lie. Especially once you questioned him about his knee, a fact he’d let slip randomly one night over a late night text session. “I’m fine, besides the club would pull me so fast if I slipped into those habits again.” He’d also told you about how his friend would always have to drag him out of late night gym sessions. “Iwa gave me the nastiest bruise one time because I was in too late. It was an accident though, he was kinda shocked at just how hard the ball hit me too,” he laughed when he told you the memory. Then proceeded how he got to guilt trip his friend everyday until it healed. You only nodded but not before scolding him that somehow you’d go all the way to California to bring his friend back to kick his ass if needed. 

-----

“Told you it would be worth it.” The scold you had ready for Oikawa didn't make its way out as your mouth dropped. The mountains completely took your breath away. When you’d first agreed to let Oikawa take you out to see nature you didn’t anticipate the lowered temperatures nor the annoying hiking trails. When you’d seen the first steep path you looked at him in complete disbelief. “You're not serious right now. I don’t even have on the right shoes Tōru,” you complained eying the worn sneakers with very little traction. “It’ll be fine, I’ll help you. The view is worth it.” With that you reached for his outstretched hand and went with it.

“It's beautiful up here,” you said slowly taking in the view. “El Leoncito. Blanco took me here the first month I got to Argentina. It was a rough week and he said I needed to get away. Camp out for a weekend and regain my focus.” You felt yourself nodding along as he spoke. “I remember how much you complained about your last test grades and figured you could use the break too.”

You’d known Oikawa for four months now. Your first semester in Argentina was coming to an end soon, and suddenly you were glad you didn’t let homesickness take over and decided to stay for the academic year. That gave you another few months with who turned out to be your dearest friend in the country. “Thank you,” you replied softly. While he had been looking at the view you managed to sneak a few looks at his profile. He didn’t know it then but that was the first time you’d wanted to kiss him. 

The nights cooled down more than you could have imagined and you found yourself shaking despite the campfire around you. You mentally cursed Oikawa again for not informing you to be better prepared. The sound of a zipper shifted your attention as he emerged from the tent the two of you had set up earlier. “Looking a little cold over there,” he teased sitting next to you. “You suck.”

His laugh filled the air as a sudden warmth came over you. You look over to see he’d placed a pare blanket over you. You were filled with the urge to kiss him for the second time that night. “I’m not such a shitty guy now am I?” You only shook your head in amusement. “Yeah, I guess not.” 

The months came and went. The two of you grew closer as the time for you to go home neared. Neither of you remember quite when it happened. It had been spring break for you and you had been hanging around Oikawa’s place for the most part. Even while he wasn’t there, the two of you had become that comfortable in less than a year. One night he came back unusually agitated and touchy, and you found yourself walking on eggshells until he just blurted out his feelings. “I fucking like you. More than a friend and it's annoying because I kept getting distracted tonight because one of the guys pointed out that you’d be going home soon.” 

Your eyes widened as you watched him down his first shot of the night. A drink he’d insisted he needed after the night he had. After you hadn’t said anything for a few moments it seemed like his words dawned on him and his eyes widened. Before he could apologize you’d crossed the short space from his couch to the kitchen to press your lips against his. 

“It's annoying, but I like you too.”

After that the two of you essentially began dating. You’d never officially declared a title but it was clear as day that you were together. When the year ended you decided to stay in Argentina at least for the summer, moving in with him for the time. In doing so the two of you put off the impending goodbye for at least 3 months. 

That summer had flown by before either of you knew it. In between having more time to watch him play and your Argentinian adventures, they were the best months of your night. You’d spend many nights laughing and making out on the side of bar buildings on nights out. When time permitted, taking random day trips outside of San Juan and exploring together. You’d accumulated enough pictures together to fill out an entire photo album in that time alone. 

One of your favorite memories came after you’d gotten home from said day trip. During which you guys brought three different jars of dulce de leche from different shops. You two had decided to try your hand at determining which shop had the best by putting them in various deserts. 

“Wait we have to try them plain first,” you exclaimed the second the two of you had made it back. Taking the bag you made your way to the kitchen pulling out the jars. “The one I picked is going to be the best,” Oikawa assured, taking a spoon from you. “What if we fed each other and I took pictures to send to Iwa to remind him that he’s single.” You laughed before responding. “Oh please, he’s kinda hot. I doubt he's that lonely.”

“(Y/N) you can’t call him hot. I’m supposed to be the hot one,” he jokingly complained, arms coming to lock around your waist. Leaning your lips towards his, you mumbled with a lazy smile. “You are the hottest. But you’re going down, Grand King.” You pulled away laughing as his distressed look at your use of the dumb nickname. “I should've never told you about that.”

“Too late now,” you hummed opening the jars to set them out. “You wanted to make your best friend jealous right,” you questioned as he made no move toward the treat. You smiled at the sparkle in his eyes. “Hell yes.” 

After you two couldn’t come to a consensus about whose pick was the best you two stared at the ingredients you'd also purchased to use the dulce de leche with. “Now what are we going to make,” he mused, tossing his arm around your shoulder. “Lets ask the internet.” You felt his lips press against your cheek before he agreed. 

By the end of the night you’d managed to make a successful pastry, some random cake where you had to substitute a few ingredients and hope for the best, and a sorry excuse for ice cream. “I told you this was a bad idea,” you laughed as you tried to keep mixing the failure. “It’s not thickening up at all.” You moved aside as your boyfriend took the bowl from you, muttering about letting the athlete stir before adding on. “Thick like me?”

“It's as flat as you,” you deadpan. 

“It’s a liquid!” 

-----

“Hey (Y/N). Are we going to make this work. You know when you go back home.” He’d asked you one night as you cuddled on the couch. Your time together was coming to an end and you were leaving in two days. It’d been something neither of you ever mentioned, even during the packing stage. You raised your head from his chest searching his eyes. “Do you want to?”

Another silence fell over you two as you both processed your question. Eventually he gave you a slow nod. “Yeah. I do. Do you?” At your nod Oikawa let out a breath that he didn’t even know he was holding. “Good. So it's settled yeah,” he questioned. “Yeah it is.” You smiled as you maneuvered your way onto his lap. Settling your knees on each side of him, his hand your cheek pulling your lips towards his. “Good,” he repeated right before his tongue slipped into your mouth as his hands slid lower. 

That had been 5 years ago. In that time you'd gone back home to finish your degree and he stayed in Argentina. The following year his time in Brazil coincided with a school break of your own and you were able to meet him there. You’d gotten to meet the iconic Hinata and the two of you teased your boyfriend to death with Grand King. 

The distance was never easy. There were times where you both questioned if it were worth it. Stress from both of your lives outside of one another would pile up and you had to learn to work through it. Learn to comfort despite being thousands of miles away. Reassuring you that you were indeed the smartest person he’d ever met. Reassuring him that he didn’t want to quit. He was amazing and he found volleyball fun. You’d even been the one to propose going to Brazil trying to find the fun in the game. 

When he told you he was considering the possibility of naturalising you even encouraged it. And then he proposed to you. He had a small break and had flown out to surprise you insisting that it was now or never. He wanted you forever and knew if he didn’t just do it he’d keep thinking about it forever. Of course you’d briefly discussed marriage, stating that you wouldn't mind an engagement, even if it lasted for a few years while you both got your career, living and citizenship situations settled. So when he did it you made the decision to permanently move back to Argentina. 

“Are you sure-” he’d asked you shortly after proposing. The high of you saying yes had worn off and now the realization of what this really meant settled. You’d discussed marriage prior to him starting the naturalization process. The two of you had been sitting in your yard hand in hand watching the stars. “Of course. I was looking into moving back anyways. Wanted to surprise you.”

His hand tightened in yours as he eyed your face for any semblance of a joke. “Really?” You only nodded pressing a kiss on his clothed shoulder. “Of course. It's where it all started. Besides, I have no doubt that you’ll make the olympic team. Gotta be there in person for moral support right?”

Suddenly you were tackled back onto the blanket your now fiance was hovering about you. “God, I love you.” Fingers playing with his hair you returned the sentiment. “I love you too.”

Neither of you are sure how it happened. You’d met at 19 and nearly a decade later at 27 you'd both accepted your fairytale ending. You found love in Argentina and your heart swells at the announcement of your Fiance at the Olympics. You can imagine his scowl at the mention of him never making it to high school nationals and find yourself laughing. Eying the ring on your finger you think back to the promise he made you two years ago on the night of the engagement.

“I want to marry you and I want to keep playing. So if you don’t mind, can the wedding be after the olympics.” There's not a single part of you that regretted agreeing to those terms. As you watched him continue to train your pride for him continued to grow. As he entered the arena ready to play against his home country you found yourself yelling. 

“Beat them all Oikawa!”

a/n: i hope u enjoyed this. I’ve been in a slump and on vacation past week but i am back (i think) and better than ever. I have a 10k atsumu piece coming within the next few days so i hope u stay tuned for that. Both of that and this are me tapping into my creativity and im very passionate about 10k words esp.

also; if you enjoyed this I think you’d really like my sakusa piece no limit to you. it has a similar feel and to date is my fav thing ive written (and 5k words)

lastly: did yall enjoy my google argentina research LMAO. ngl after um i kinda wanna go there tf

[wanderinglotus7]

The Legacy Continues

Well, I made it! I made it. There are three days left of 2020 until we roll into 2021. This year has been a game changer. Game changer doesn’t seen correct...life altering sounds better. My life drastically changed within the past month. Though these events threw me off my game, I recovered and bounced back even stronger. This speaks to my tremendous strength in the Lord & within myself. I continue to tell myself that the fortune teller I spoke with summer 2019 has been spot on y’all. August 2020 to now, adjust to my new life has been challenging, but I don’t regret my decision moving to Massachusetts. This decision is part of the life-course God has plan for me.

Yes, I miss my family. However, my experiences of attending Bridgewater College and traveling to Thailand has prepared me for this moment in my life. Because of covid I haven’t really been active in my new environment, but I try to take advantage of the opportunities I do have to explore my surroundings. Last week I took a nice walk and ended up exploring another part of Newton and almost ended up in the inner city of Boston (I think I walked about 8 miles in total). I took another walk into town and walked into HomeGoods on my way to Starbucks. Leaving and returning to Boston, I took the train and was able to get myself to and from the Logan airport. Small victories in my book! I am in no rush to try to experience everything all at once. I have around 4 to 5 years to embrace Boston as my new home. I already feel like it is anyway. This is my true testimony to see if I can really be responsible for myself. So far, I feel confident in achieving/excelling in this area of my life. My upbringing has prepared me, yet again, for the challenges of [young] adulthood. 

I am getting ahead of myself. I have to rewind a bit give y’all an update. December 18th was the last day of classes and finals week. I have successfully finished my first semester of grad school!!! YEAH ME!!!!! I’m telling you the hard work paid off. I did have my moments of doubt and feelings of not being good enough. I was overwhelmed. I felt like I was drowning trying to balance school, work, and my internship. On top of that, I am trying to balance a relationship along with working on my mental health. My mind & body is always on the go. No time for rest...actually there are moments of rest, but I chose not to rest instead. I have a bad habit of pushing through and bulldozing my way through my life. I don’t take the necessary time to be present and focus on what is in front of me. Sometimes, I get too focused on the future and forget to enjoy the present. I have been in this mode since mid October to the 18th. Midterms kicked me in the ass because that was around the same time I began working at chipotle. Even before Chipotle, I was falling behind on the readings and assignments for my classes. On the other hand, my internship with Amirah is not a stressor in my life because it is an experience that I am passionate about. I’m not bothered having to wake up early and end my days late when it comes to my internship because I am that committed. Being overwhelmed and stressed I passed all my midterms with good grades (all As and one B)! Then the unexpected happened...

October 29th at 11:18pm, I received a phone call from my mother informing me that my Grandmother Shirley unexpected passed away. I think they determined her cause of death was because of a heart attack. I’m not sure. Honestly, I don’t think I really want to know. I’m hoping she passed away peaceful. The news sent me into shock. I just couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. I just had a conversation with that previous Thursday or Saturday, and the conversation went so well. She was so proud of me. She was excited for me to be home for Christmas and all these other things. It’s not the same, but at least we were able to say “I love you” before she passed. Who would’ve known that would be the last time I will ever speak to her again. And this had to happen around the holidays and around the same time that Laura Mae (my great grandmother passed away). In less than three weeks, I received a phone call and text early in the morning from my Grandma Louise and my dad telling me that my granddaddy unexpectedly passed away too. Two grandparents removed from my life at the snap of the finger.

With help from my family, I was able to fly to Virginia for both funeral services. This time I said my final good-byes unlike with Laura Mae. I didn’t want to live with that guilt. Everyone has been very compassionate, understanding, and accommodating to my situation and has given me time to grieve & heal especially regarding BC, Amirah, & Chipotle. I missed a few classes and had to receive a few extensions on a couple of assignments. I pulled through the best way I could manage in my emotional state. My emotional state didn’t get any better dealing with my relationship during this time. Some of my boyfriend’s recent decisions added more unnecessary stress in my life. I was already stressed about me introducing him to my entire family because the timeline got rushed and I wasn’t for sure if I wanted him around while I’m going through a mental & emotional meltdown. At the end of the day, he wanted to be there for me to provide his live and support and I wasn’t going to deny him of doing so. It would’ve been selfish of me to tell him “No”. Everything happens for a reason. Instead of spending maybe two weeks together, my boyfriend and I spent basically all of November together bouncing between Gloucester and Woodstock. It sucked that it had to be under sad circumstances.

Decisions, decisions, decisions that is where my mind was at. Only a few individuals gave me the needed space to focus & process my emotions. From all angles I was being pressured to make some permanent decisions in which my mind was not in the right mind frame to be thinking. I did reach out and have been receiving counseling services from the university which has been helpful. I am in the process of searching for a therapist outside of the university for long-term treatment. Though I tell myself sometimes I feel like quitting, I decided to remain a full time student, declared my concentration, and completed my field placement application for 2021-2022 academic year. I’m on tract to graduating Spring 2022. Being blessed again, I was able to receive extensions on two of my finals and on my field placement assignments. I passed all my finals! I received all As and one B+. I ended the semester with a 3.6 GPA. Not too shabby (lol). I know my grandparents are very proud of me.

I’m proud of myself! I didn’t surrender and take the easy way out. I turned 24 on the 7th which is another milestone in my life. I was shown much love that exceeded my expectations. I spent the Christmas alone, but I made the best out of my situation & was still able to connect with my loved ones. Since the 18th I devoted my downtime, and overall winter break taking better care of myself. The last week I was home, I noticed that I’ve been severely neglecting myself and it was heavily damaging my well-being. I’m growing in setting and maintaining my boundaries, learning to be present with emotions & resting, being okay with saying “no” and not feeling guilty about it. The most important lesson is not overworking myself in every aspect of my life. I am no good to myself or others if I am completely burnt out. 

I am praying that 2021 isn’t a continuation of this year. Yet, 2020 has not been all too horrible. I have been able to grow in so many ways that I am becoming a better individual. Most important, I’m continuing to learn how to be a better person for myself!

[my-one-love-is-music]

Be My Player 2? Ch. 26

Sorry for the delay in posting, y'all. This chapter has been ready for a few days, but I didn't have a chance to post it over the weekend.

Also on AO3!

“Keith!”

He looked up and found Hunk barreling towards him. Keith grinned and accepted the hug from his friend. “Hey,” he said.

“It’s been so long since we’ve gotten to hang out.”

“I know,” Keith sighed. “I was hoping to spend more time with you guys over break, but…”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. Pidge and I had our own stuff going on, too. We went and visited our families and I’m sure you spent some more time with Shiro,” he said with a smirk.

Keith flushed and tugged at the edges of his beanie, his breath fogging in front of him in the cold air. “Yeah…”

They pushed through the doors of their academic building and Keith sighed happily at the warmth.

“What’s that look for?” Hunk asked, pulled him from his thoughts.

“What?” Keith asked.

“That smile,” he said. “You look happy about something.”

Keith bit his lip and stuffed his hands in his pockets despite being out of the cold.

“Keithhhhhh?” Hunk asked, elbowing him in the arm.

“Shiro and I…”

“Yeah?”

“We told each other that we love each other.”

Hunk gasped and grinned. He pulled Keith into a rough hug. “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you guys!”

Keith grinned and nodded. “I know. Never thought I’d see the day.”

“This is huge, man. Pidge is going to be so excited.”

“I’m going to be so excited about what?”

They turned and found Pidge grinning behind them. She pulled her hat off her head and shook out her hair.

“I saw you guys and thought I’d stop by and catch up before class,” she said, walking over to them. “Had to sprint across the quad to make it, but what’s it really matter anyway, right? So what’s up?”

“Keith and Shiro said their ‘I love yous,’” Hunk explained.

“That’s great!” she exclaimed, looking up at Keith. “And perfect since you’ll be seeing him again over spring break,” she added with a smirk.

“I know,” he said. “I’m really looking forward to it.”

“You’re going to have to buy plane tickets soon though, aren’t you?” she asked.

Keith nodded. “Yeah, I should probably take care of that this weekend. Amidst the new round of shifts and homework that I’m going to get this week.” He sighed.  

“But it’s your last semester. Just remember that,” Hunk said, patting him on the back. “We can have stressed, job hunting parties where we order pizza and do drunk job applications.”

Keith chuckled. “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“You can invite the boyfriend, too,” Pidge added. “He can join us over Skype.”

“Sure,” Keith said. “When are you guys free next? We should get started on this as soon as possible.”

Hunk hummed. “Are you good for Friday in two weeks? We could do then.”

Keith furrowed his brow, trying to think over his schedule. “I need to double-cheek my schedule, but I think I should be okay. Once we get our schedules worked out, I can ask Shiro. He should be good for whenever we decide to do it.”

“Cool,” Pidge said with a grin. “We’re all in charge of bringing a bottle of the strongest stuff you want. You can go for whisky, vodka, tequila, I don’t care which. And then we’ll split the cost of the pizza. Keith you can crash on the couch after.”

Keith nodded. “If the night goes how I think it’s going to go, I’m going to need it.”

“Great!” Pidge said. “I gotta get to class. I’ll see you guys later.”

“See you,” Hunk and Keith said. They waved her off as she hurried down the hallway. Keith and Hunk turned to the stairwell and started climbing. When they reached the second floor, Hunk broke off and Keith continued to the third floor where his class was.

Keith pulled out his phone, weaving expertly around other people in the hallway as he approached his classroom. He typed out a quick message to Shiro, smile pulling at his lips even though he hadn’t sent it yet.

Keith: So…in a couple weeks Pidge and Hunk and I are planning to have a night in where we get drunk and submit job applications and wanted to know if you wanted to join us?

He pushed open the door to his classroom and made for his seat in the back. Shiro’s reply came before he managed to sit down.

Shiro: How exactly am I supposed to join you? Fly up there? I wouldn’t mind taking a vacation after the first two weeks of classes.

Keith rolled his eyes.

Keith: You’re not allowed to skip class and come up here. I’m talking about over Skype. We Skype you in while we work on applications.

Shiro: Ahhh, I see. Use the power of technology so it actually seems like I’m there.

Keith: Shut up, Shiro

Shiro: Love you, too, babe

Keith bit his lip, his stomach flipping happily at the words. It still didn’t seem real. And he never got tired of saying it or hearing the sentiment from Shiro. They loved each other, and it was the best thing he could ever ask for.

Shiro: I might see if Lance and Allura want to join in. We could have our party here and your party there.

Keith: Sure. The point is to get drunk and apply for jobs so Hunk and Pidge wouldn’t mind. We already wanted to have you there so it’s no problem. And I’m sure it will be a lot more fun for you so you’re not alone in your apartment.

Shiro: What time should I tell them?

Keith: We’re not sure on the exact details yet. I need to check my work schedule so we’re going to finalize the rest later

Shiro: You should just take the night off so we can definitely make it for then

Keith: Can’t. Gotta make the money. Keith: I need it for when I come see you

Shiro: Only another two months Shiro: God, I can’t wait until I get to see you again.

Keith: Me too.

The door to the classroom was pulled open and Keith looked up to find his professor striding inside.

Keith: Talk later. Prof’s here which means class.

Shiro: Have fun!

Keith grinned and tucked his phone away, pulling out his books.

~~

Keith stared at his computer. He was in his living room with his feet propped up on the coffee table. He’d gone through to update his resume and knew he had all the right information on it, but it still didn’t feel good enough. And he hadn’t even started applying for jobs yet. Now more than ever, he wished that a job could fall from the sky and land in his lap. It would save him a lot of stress and the rejection he knew was coming.

He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Whatever. I can worry more about this later.”

He checked the time and saw that it was getting late. He saved his resume and closed out of the document, grabbing his textbook from the coffee table. He leaned back and flipped open to the page of his assigned reading.

If he wasn’t careful, he was going to end up getting behind on his reading and schoolwork and that’s something he couldn’t afford to do. Not when he had work and job applications on the line. He’d come this far and worked his ass off, he wasn’t going to start failing classes when he was almost finished with school.

Keith sat forward, planting his feet on the floor. He rubbed at his eyes to try and clear away his exhaustion and focus on the words in front of him. School was most important, and he couldn’t let it slip, no matter what else he was worried about.

~~

Keith yawned, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Someone looks tired.”

He looked up from the drink he was preparing and saw Kayla had slipped behind the counter without him noticing. He smiled.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Getting back into school has hit hard and I’m trying to balance everything.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I can understand. I’ve got a load of credits this semester and I don’t think any of my professors are going to be taking things easy.”

Keith chuckled. “Yeah. Not to mention job applications.”

“Job applications?” she asked. “Are you leaving?”

“It’s my last semester so I’m going to need a real person job.”

“Oooh,” she said. “I didn’t realize you were getting ready to graduate.”

“Yeah, I’m trying not to stress too much, but I can already feel the pressure of needing to have a job lined up when I graduate.”

“Where are you looking?” she asked as she pulled out a bottle from under the counter.

Keith shrugged. “I haven’t thought about it too much. I guess I’d go somewhere down south. I want to work with a space program, but I’m not sure how easy it would be to get on with NASA.”

Kayla whistled. “Surely there are other groups down there though.”

“A few, I think,” Keith said.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll find something,” she said.

“Yeah…”

Keith stared down at his hands as he worked, keeping mostly to himself.

“You know,” Kayla said, pulling him from his thoughts. “If you needed help with the applications or finding jobs, I wouldn’t mind helping.”

Keith swallowed, grabbing the drink ticket from the server before they could even set it down. “Thanks, but I can handle it. I’m getting together with my friends in a couple weeks and we’re going to do a lot of work on applications and resumes.”

“Oh,” she said behind him. “Well if you need any help, I don’t mind, and it’ll be good experience for when I have to do it later…” she trailed of with a tight laugh.

“Yeah,” Keith said, expertly mixing the drink for the order. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He set it on the tray with the ticket and dumped his mixers into the sink to clean.

“I can do that,” Kayla said, holding out a hand.

“Don’t worry about it. I got it, it’s fine,” Keith said, keeping his head down. He checked a sigh and was ready to kick himself. He wasn’t trying to sound like an asshole, but the turn in the conversation had made him uncomfortable and he really wanted to pull out his phone and call Shiro. He sighed and closed his eyes, slowing his movements so he didn’t splash water over the side of the sink.

He only had a few more months to go before they were going to be together again. It wasn’t that long, and they’d have plenty of fun next weekend doing job applications and getting drunk. He looked over his shoulder and saw Kayla leaning against the counter further away from him. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was staring off to the side.

Keith almost wanted to apologize. He rinsed off his mixers and started drying them.

“Look,” he said, catching Kayla’s attention. She glanced over at him before looking away. “Sorry if I was kind of harsh, I just...I just don’t really the need the extra help is all.”

“I think I should be the one apologizing,” Kayla said. “I shouldn’t have been so pushy.”

Keith shrugged and started putting the mixer pieces away.

“I just thought it might be kind of fun to hang out outside of work.”

“Don’t take it personally,” Keith said, “but I don’t have much time to hang out with my own friends outside of work, let alone anyone else. Most of the time I actually do see them is when we run into each other on campus between classes.”

Kayla nodded. A server walked by and set down a new ticket. Kayla got to it before Keith could and he watched her work, noticing the droop to her shoulders, but if she was already making a second attempt so soon after asking him out the first time, something inside of him knew that this wouldn’t be the last time.

~~

Keith shivered when he stepped inside his apartment. The warmth was a nice change from the freezing temperatures outside and he brushed the snow from his beanie and his jacket. Now that they were in the midst of winter, he knew it wasn’t going to be long before the inches started to accumulate, and he’d have to wade through snow to get to class and work. He toed out of his boots and left them in the entryway. He winced at how much salt and slush he was going to end up dragging inside when the weather really got bad.

He pulled out his phone and sent off a quick message to Shiro.

Keith: I’m so tired. Zzzzz I’m ready for spring break

He tossed his jacket over the back of his desk chair and set the beanie on his desk. He sighed, and landed heavily on the edge of his bad, falling back onto the mattress as sleep tugged at him. His phone vibrated, and he rolled onto his side even though his legs were still hanging over the edge of the bed.

Shiro: I’m ready for you to be here, too. I was gonna ask if you wanted to watch a show or maybe play a round of Voltron tonight, but that’s probably a hard no, isn’t it?

Keith: You have no idea. Getting back into school has been kicking my ass. Not to mention this girl at work….

Shiro: You wanna talk about it?

Keith: She’s just…she’s apparently not one to give up.

Shiro: Isn’t that a good thing?

Keith: When it comes to work? Yes. When it comes to trying to get me to go on a date with her? Hell no.

Shiro: Oh

Keith: Yeah, I told her I was seeing someone, but apparently that’s not enough. Little does she know that I have the hottest boyfriend ever waiting for me in Florida.

Shiro: Keithhhhhh

Keith grinned and chuckled.

Keith: What’s wrong, baby? Are you getting flustered?

Instead of getting a new text message, his phone started ringing. Keith grinned and answered.

“Hello?”

“You’re so mean,” Shiro groaned.

“Am I not allowed to use pet names with you now?” he asked with a laugh. His stress and exhaustion were starting to lighten slightly. He imagined that if Shiro was there with him, his responsibilities wouldn’t seem half as bad as they were.

“No…” he grumbled, sounding like he was burying his face in the pillow.

“Come on, bayyyy-beeee,” Keith cooed.

He heard a muffled noise come over the line and smiled. He closed his eyes and imagined what Shiro looked like. He imagined his cheeks were bright red and he had the bottom half of his face hidden behind a pillow while he held the phone up to his other ear.

God, he missed that man.

“Anyway,” he continued after the silence stretched between them. “How is school for you? You’re probably not having as rough a time as I am.”

“It’s not too bad,” Shiro said, voice light. Keith could see him rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling and smiled. “Most of the professors I have this semester have been ones I’ve had before which means less scrutiny when it comes to my arm.”

“Wait…” Keith said. “Do professors give you shit over your prosthetic?” he asked, sitting up.

“Well…I wouldn’t say they give me shit exactly…but they always kind of stare at it during the first few classes until they get used to seeing it. Sometimes they don’t even stop then,” he muttered.

Keith felt anger coil in his gut and frowned. He fell back on his bed with a huff. “When I come down there you should introduce me to anyone who’s giving you shit and I’ll kick their asses.”

“Keith, you don’t need to-“

“I’m serious, Shiro. I’ll fight them on the street. The cowards,” he growled.

Shiro laughed. “Okay, Keith,” he said, softly.

Keith huffed, his anger draining out of him. “Hey,” he said. “If I don’t have too much homework over the weekend, do you feel like gaming or watching a movie or show on Saturday? It would be pretty late, and I know it hasn’t been that long since our last one, but…”

“Sure,” Shiro said. “I’d like that. And next time we’ll have a split party where we get drunk and do job applications,” he said with a snicker.

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

“It’ll be okay. You’re cute and smart, and companies would be stupid not to hire you. Isn’t that right, baby?”

Keith smiled and bit his lip. “We’ll have to wait and see, I guess.”

He yawned and placed a hand over his mouth.

“You should get to bed,” Shiro said. “Don’t want you to fall asleep in class and it’s getting pretty late over there.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Keith said, rubbing his eye. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Sure thing. Don’t work too hard and don’t stress too much.”

Keith breathed a laugh. “Okay. Love you, Shiro.”

“I love you, too, Keith,” Shiro said, voice soft.

Keith bit his lip and pulled his phone from his ear, ending the call. He sighed and stood from his bed, grabbing his pajamas so he could change in the bathroom before bed. His dreams were probably going to be filled with images and memories of Shiro again, but he couldn’t really complain when it was just as good as reality. Even if they were separated for the moment.

If you enjoy my work, please reblog or consider buying me a ko-fi!

[taraditosatabikungsantahimik]

pure;

The southern islands of the county are not the same as the ones in the capital. Of course, there were bars, malls but not as large as the ones in the city. The main difference is that patriotism was more adamant. Citizens are more protective of their freedom, they love their families, but their hearts and mouths are dripping with loyalty to their mother land. A specific area in the south was well-protected by freedom fighters, terrorist as the government calls them, and so most civilians have no access to the essentials. This is where Ella was deployed.

On her third year in Med School, she was elected as the youngest Chairperson of the College of Medicine’s Student Council, giving her the power to manage majority of the university’s external affairs. Remember when I mentioned she is the smartest and the “wokest” person you will ever counter. Well, she showed all that when she was elected as the head of the student council. She completely refurbished the way the team functioned. From “student-centred” she transformed it to “humanity-centred”. She believes the students in the university are privileged enough to receive an overpriced, high-quality education and giving back is the only way to balance the ironic situation. When she found out about the government’s initiative to form a team of young doctors, she immediately shifted her focus into finishing her academics the year after. I know you’re wondering how she was able to pull this off given her work as a student assistant in the main library, her being in a normal committed relationship, and after that night five years ago. Well, this is what happens when you try to bury down and repress feelings. Like Aya, she directed all her attention in her passion. Serving others. Of course, she was also listening to Taylor Swift, 80’s love songs, and bingeing on Med Books, journals, and seminars. Anything to keep her mind off her. At times, she missed her, in fact she longed for her. She missed their late-night talks. She missed talking to someone outside her current world. She missed them.

Aya’s plane landed by 11:45 AM. When they arrived in the airport, a team of soldiers picked them up, they rode in an armoured vehicle and travelled four hours going to the site where they will be covering the story. They went through a strict vetting process ahead of time, but the officers asked them a few more questions to ensure no hidden agenda were in place. As they were about to exit the vehicle, her heart skipped twenty times faster than her usual heartbeat. She felt her asthma building up.

“She’s here”, she whispered.

“Sorry, sir ano po ‘yun?”, one of the soldiers asked.

“Sorry, feeling ko lang kasi may kakilala ako dito.”

“Most likely. Majority po ng doctors namin dito were former students in your university. In fact, the student council’s former chairperson works here. She’s one of our project heads.”

“You might not remember me, sir. But I was also one of your students. You taught us Afro-Asian Lit and then, I graduated, trained, and was assigned here.”

Of course, Aya heard him but did not pay attention as her eyes searched the whole place. They were guided to a tent where guests are accommodated. It was a large green tent with tables, chairs, and their lunch on the table.

“Sir, one of our Project Heads will talk to you for short orientation. We need to have you informed of our rules and regulations. Your safety is out utmost priority. She will be coming in any minute. She is a former med student in the university, one of the pioneers of this project. After your orientation, sir you can already interview her. Make the most of your time here, so you can get all the information you need.”

She is a former med student in the university, one of the pioneers of this project. Time completely slowed down. The noise in the background went off. And everything the soldier said after that sounded muffled. She is a former med student in the university. What are the fucking odds? She is a former med student in the university. Her heart skipped even faster, this time thirty times faster. She is a former med student in the university. “I need a large black coffee”, she thought. She is a former med student in the university. “Lord, don’t do this to me.” She is a former med student in the university. “I have seriously worked may ass off to forget her”, and she couldn’t so why now? She is a former med student in the university. She can feel the chicken burger she ate for lunch rising to her throat. She is a former med student in the university. Covered up with cold sweat all over her face, the sound of a hand untangling a light knot broke the silence in the tent and the noise in her mind.  A large ray of sunlight entered the tent. Both students stood up to greet the guest. Aya sitting in front of the tent’s entrance behind her, stood up but did not turn. She was still a coward. A woman’s scent slowly mixed in the aroma of wet soil in the tent. It smelled stronger as the woman approached her. A hand touched her back and a hand in blue surgical gloves appeared in front of her.

“Sir, welcome to our camp. We were so excited when we heard.”, she slowly looked at the person talking. It was not her.

The woman continued introducing herself and mentioned she was also a former professor in the university. She then started the orientation, but Aya obviously was not listening. She could not process how she felt. How could the mere possibility of her presence, just the possibility, made her almost experience a heart attack? Was it a heart attack? Of course, it was almost that. Or was it excitement? Was she denying the fact that she was looking forward to seeing her again? To smell her scent again. To hear her laugh again. Did she actually hope to feel her presence again after five long years? No, no, no. She does not want to see her again. In fact, she doesn’t know and will never know for sure until she sees her again. If she sees her again. While the orientation was ongoing, she inhaled deep and let out a large exhale. She needed to calm down, she thought.

“Sir, are you okay?”, the doctor asked.

“Just need to have a quick smoke. To calm my nerves. Do you mind?”

“Sure, please go on.”

She stood up quickly grabbed her box of cigarettes and her green lighter. Walked towards the entrance, pulled down her mask, stuffed an unlit stick between her lips.

“Please be back after five minutes. My partner will be here anytime soon. She will be the main feature of this story.”, Aya’s head turned as she was saying this, pretending that she was listening and just nodded. She then pushed her glasses up her nose bridge, her head turned, and she saw her. Finally, it’s her. Even with a large black mask covering majority of her face, she knew it was her.

Just like that night, the encounter was once again, unexpected. In a split of a second, all the sensation came back - strong kick in the gut, slow motion, an actual slow motion, the vomiting sensation. And of course, the longing. She longed to hold her hand, her cheeks, her hair. She longed for that hard, deep kiss. She cannot deny it anymore or even contain it.

Their eyes locked for a good 30 seconds. But they both felt like it was a lifetime. Their eyes spilled out what their mouths cannot express. The feelings were still there. It never changed. It felt as if the sun slowly showing itself, and the clouds gave way. The calm after the storm. It was comforting. It was not nostalgic. In fact, the moment felt like it was bound to happen. Like a ticking time bomb. It felt like it has always been there, the feelings, but this time it felt stronger, more visible, more sure. It felt like it was the only thing that mattered in the moment. Them.

“After all the stops and starts. We keep comin’ back to these two hearts. Two angels who’ve been rescued from the fall. After all that we’ve been through. It all comes down to me and you. I guess it’s meant to be, forever you and me, after all.”

“Sandoval, your phone.”, Aya called out one of her students.

“Sir, sorry tumatawag jowa ko. Favourite kasi namin si Cher. Sensya na po.”, finally they both smiled.

Ella facilitated the second part of the orientation. Aya couldn’t focus on the discussion, but she managed to write a few lines in her green notebook. She has been working on a novel that she felt the need to publish exactly before she dies. Timing was essential here as she cannot bare to see people reading her pathetic hopeless romantic story. And so, it was important for her to know that she was about to die, so she can have the book published. Of course, the probability of you knowing when you’re going to die is just not certain. She brought this notebook with her anywhere she goes. Even in Spain, in the hopes of completing the ending of the story. After two years, finally she now has an idea on how to continue it but with no definite ending.

After the orientation, they already proceeded to their tents, both students rested while Aya just stared in the beautiful mountainous view of the place while drinking black coffee. This time, her mind was just blank. Blank like the next pages of her novel. Ella on the other hand, helped in arranging the medicines and the materials needed for tomorrow’s medical mission. They were going to visit a community in the mountains where a confirmed case of the latest variant of the virus is situated. It was the strongest of all the variants and the first confirmed case in the region. Ella was of course, focused on the preparation as she will be leading the team. Or at least a bit focused. That night five years ago just kept playing in her mind. Her eyes, it was still the same. The way Aya looked at her that night was still the same look she had five years ago.

“Doc, ‘yung labels po ng boxes ng vials mali. Baliktad po ata.”

“Sorry, pagod lang ata ako. Please takeover.”, she was not of course. She just had a lot on her mind and the timing was not at all favourable.      

It was already late. 10 PM to be exact. Both cannot sleep. Aya grabbed her thick hoody, her notebook, and her phone, she then went out of the tent. Sat on a large wood trunk that had been turned into a makeshift bench. It was extremely cold. That’s how she felt. She coughed a little. Inhaled and exhaled and then lit a cigarette.

“Matigas pa rin pala ulo mo hanggang ngayon.”, Ella whispered.

“Calms my nerves. And for sure di naman ako makakatulog. Di ka nilalamig? Di ba may hika rin?”

“Nope. I’m okay. It’s not that cold you know. Your lungs is just not that strong.”

“You knew I was coming, right?”

“Of course. How was Spain?”

“Great actually. Very artsy.”

“You always say that.”, Ella smiled.

“What?”

“Artsy”

“Ulol. Well, Madrid is indeed Artsy. Full of stories, love, and all that shit. I still hate them though. You know, more than 300 years of slavery. So how did you end up here?”, she looked at her hands to check if her promise ring was still there.

“Hmm. I knew it was the right thing to do.”

“Pinayagan ka niya?”

Ella looked at her. “Wala nang siya. This is a decision I made for myself and if he could not support me then maybe he’s not the one.”

“Wow, strong.”, Aya laughed.

“Not really. Cried my eyes out my first day here in camp, but the people here are my people. I knew my passion was to serve and I needed a push. So here I am.”

“Congratulations. You are finally coming out of your shell.”

“Of course.  Let my heart be my compass, right? Guiding me towards the path of my true happiness.”

Aya was shocked. “You read the letter.”

“Teh, naka-display sa bar. Dun sa seat natin.”, Ella was laughing hard.

“That guy. UGH!”

“They have a new bartender there. I think naiwan ‘yung letter. Maybe they thought it was aRtSy enough to be displayed.”, she was teasing her.

“So, you went back there.”

“A year ago, yes. After that night five years ago, I doused myself in med school because I could not believe I was falling for another person. You know me. I always try to do the right thing. But that night, I could not control what I had inside. So, I decided to join this program. Serve people and maybe leave what I thought was just ruins of what we had in the city. Also heard you went to Spain, so you know. Thought maybe living in another place would work. My acceptance in the program got confirmed a year ago. I told him, of course he did not agree, we broke up. After that, I thought I have already bid goodbye to the things that matter to me, but I felt like something was missing. I knew I needed to say goodbye to another person one last time because unconsciously I have not let her go. So, I went back to the bar after four years. Sat on our area alone and saw your letter. Hindi ko makuha ‘yung letter, naka-frame na eh. So, I just took a picture of it. That night I felt like you were talking to me. Like you were there with me again. Like you were saying goodbye to me. Like you were telling me that I was doing the right thing. I cried during my first night here because I knew I missed the chance. I was too late, and I could never go back. I thought I made the right decision five years ago, at the time, maybe it was. But it was not the choice that made me happy. I have never felt so infinite, so loved again after that night. I knew it was impossible to feel that way again, but I had to continue living in the norm, which brought me to the biggest regret of my life. Alam mo, I wanted to let you know how I was doing. How good I was doing in med school. How I got elected a chairperson. The youngest chairperson if I may add, in the history of the university. I wanted to hear how proud you are. I wanted to tell you my stories, the people that I hated, the stupid professors I had to deal with every day. And the clueless boys who tried to pursue me. Pero wala ka na. I rued the day you left for Spain because I wanted to tell you exactly how I felt. It didn’t matter how you felt, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. How I feel right now. Nothing has changed. You always had my heart. You stole it. I just couldn’t get it back. I couldn’t go back to how I used to be because it wasn’t me. I was me when I was with you. Every time I am with you.”

Unlike that night five years ago, time did not slow down. In fact, the moment felt like they were running out of time. Aya sipped the remains of her cigarette stick, exhaled hard, and then gently held Ella’s face. She kissed her. She kissed back. Just like five years ago, the breeze was cold, but there were no after office parties, there was no noise. Just crickets and fire flies lighting up the area. This time, they did not try to control the urge, instead they just simply let go. Now, they knew they were not under a spell. It was the season of happiness and giving, and after five years of hoping and waiting, finally, this is exactly how they felt. They are now free to love whoever they chose to love. They can make their moment of infinity last forever. Tonight, they can give more than just a kiss. Aya stood up and guided Ella to her tent. They made love. It was Ella’s first time with a woman again, but not Aya’s. But they felt the exact same way. They felt like they could see each other’s souls, bare and naked, nothing to hide, no pretending, no denying, the moment was theirs to share. Their hearts, if it was possible, felt like it was about to explode. All the emotions, all the feelings they hid for five years dripping out of their bodies. How do you contain such ethereal feeling? It felt like a million lifetimes will never be enough time to express how their love for each other felt. It was meant to happen. It was written in the stars. They were meant to be. The planets aligned on the same day, the only Friday the 13th of that year, in the same date after five years, the same season, with the same person.

It was the happiest moment of Ella’s life. I know because she told me. I am her friend and constant (self-proclaimed) since our med school days. Probably, her best friend. She sees me as her confidant. But she did not know that I was and still am in love with her. I was in the same camp, we were partners. She was the chairperson I was her vice-chair, we campaigned in the same party and won. We were the first women duo who dominated the Student Council. I never admitted my feelings because I knew she was madly in love with her soulmate and there was no place for me there. I have no plans of admitting whatever I feel, until this tale is published. She was my Ai and I was hers. We were more than just best friends, for her, we were sisters. For me, she was and is my great love, greatest. I knew what she had to go through, and I knew what she fought for to be in the same place as Aya’s. I knew her weaknesses and most of all I knew how she longed for Aya’s arms every night for five years. What she endured, all the pain she felt, all the sacrifices that led to this moment. Ella had never loved anyone so deep; it hurts. I was there, in her drunken moments, in all her painful moments. I wish I could have taken all the pain away from her. My heart just couldn’t bare it. All I was able to do was offer my arms and wrap them around her. But I knew at the time it was not enough because they were not Aya’s. So, I kept tab on Aya’s whereabouts and had heard from another co-professor that the most sinister Literature professor is back from Spain. I laid out a proposal to Ella on how the project will gain more sponsors and donations as the government does not give enough funds. We needed a writer to tell our story. A writer who will not romanticize how poorly our situation was, but glorify the hard working, young frontliners of the team. I requested for Aya and it was approved. Few nights before the day of her arrival, Ella could not sleep at all. But her aura changed, from the strictest medical personnel to the hopeful leader. On the day of the orientation, Ella already saw her walking to the guest’s tent from afar. She was supposed to facilitate the orientation but panicked. So, I volunteered. Finally, I met Aya. She had the same eyes as Ella’s before she knew she was coming. It was sad. The saddest eyes who will ever see. She was longing for Ella. They were longing for each other’s company. And I was the hurting bridge who will get them back together.

After our operation in the mountains, Aya had fallen ill. Apparently, with all the cigarettes she blew she has developed Emphysema. Her lungs could not supply enough oxygen in her body. This made her body weak. With this and her asthma, she easily contracted the deadliest variant of this world’s virus. This variant unlike the ones that existed a few years ago needs only a day of incubation for it to be fully developed in a human’s body, especially if it’s as weak as Aya’s. I am in no place to narrate whatever happened. However, I blame the heads of this country for the demise. Our team requested for additional medicines, materials, and oxygen tanks, but because of the long and tedious process of approval it goes through the Local Government Unit, Aya died two days after that night. She died in Ella’s arms. During the last hours of her life, no one knew what happened. Ella asked everyone to not tend to Aya as she could do that all by herself. Ella is the best doctor in our team, we knew what she was capable of, and I know she knew it would be her last hours with her and wanted to savour every minute of it. The moment she died, she just went out of the tent with her eyes all puffed up and red, and told me, with a straight face that Aya’s lungs could not take any more of the virus’ attack and without an oxygen tank supporting her breathing it would be a miracle if she lives. That night, Ella immediately resigned and requested to be taken back to her home in the capital city. We never spoke since then. She deactivated all her social media accounts and disappeared from my life. I lost her.

One of Aya’s students gave me her notebook before they went home. He said that Aya insisted he give this notebook to Ella the moment she dies, but Ella during that moment, was impossible to talk to. Hence, she gave the notebook to me. I wondered what it was and could immediately tell that the content was a tale of love on Aya’s point of view. The penmanship was inconsistent. There were pages that had light ink, pages that were written using a sign pen because there too many blots, and there were pages that were written in pencil. There were pages that were stained with coffee and that were burned by cigarette ashes. In other words, the notebook in every way was Aya. Before reading, I was curious to see what Aya wrote in her last days.

“My love, I have written this story for you, for us. I want you to know that even after death, I will never love anyone more than I loved you. Time may temporarily separate us, but I know we will keep looking for each other in the next million lifetimes to come. Our hearts are half of the other’s and the only force stronger than death in this world, is love. It conquers anger, death, and creates life. I love you with all my heart and soul. This tale is for you.”

[neenieweenie]

hi i’m gonna rant for a minute

my 6-8 page research paper is due monday and i still haven’t started it. i don’t even know how to start and it’s stressing me out because there’s so much to write and so much more research i still want to do and connections between subtopics that i want to develop but it’s spring break so i also just want to relax bc school has really been kicking my ass lately and i’m just so tired

i bought a stuffed lion the other day (like one of those kinda realistic big ones) but now that the excitement and novelty is starting to wear off i feel really stupid for getting it even though i really do love it but it just reminds me of how happy i was when i bought it and i feel like im never gonna feel that rush of excitement ever again

i had an apush assignment due on friday that i procrastinated doing to the point where i completely forgot about it. like i full on cleaned my room to avoid it. i only wanted to avoid it because it involved reading a few pages of information and then answering text-based questions on it, which is one of my least favorite types of assignments bc i’m always worried about accidentally missing something. i finally did it this morning and it only took me like 20 minutes tops and now i feel ridiculous for avoiding it for so long

i want to go downstairs and just watch tv with my mom but i know that if i do she’ll just try to make me work on my research paper which is the absolute last thing i want to do right now

my school has been doing a hybrid model all year (half of us go in monday/tuesday, everyone else goes in thursday/friday, everyone is home wednesday) but after this week they’re sending us back in full time. i don’t understand how the administration thinks that’s a good idea, especially since people will be traveling to places like florida which is in really bad shape and then don’t even ask them to quarantine when they get back. every day i count at least 6 people who aren’t wearing their mask properly, which is even more insane if you consider that i’m only seeing the people in my immediate area, that number is already cut in half, it’s only the people who i can directly see as i walk down the hallway, and i only start counting at the end of the school day. there’s no way to maintain 6 feet social distance in those small classrooms with a full class and we’ve had 90+ reported cases (WITH the hybrid model) at the school this year alone, more than double what every other school in the area has reported, and i still don’t know why they think this is a good idea

i was only just able to schedule my first vaccine appointment on the 24th of april and since minors can only get the pfizer vaccine, i’ll have to wait 21 days to get the second dose, and even then i won’t technically be fully vaccinated for another week after that, so i won’t be immune until may 22 at the earliest.

that means i’ll have to spend several weeks in school full time with a bunch of nasty, irresponsible teenagers, unvaccinated, and i won’t even get to learn from home for half the week. i love the hybrid model. i’m thriving on the hybrid model.

my pediatrician keeps talking about eventually stopping my adhd medication and i don’t understand how no one sees what a terrible idea that is. all of my academic classes are either advanced or ap and i’m doing really well right now, but i definitely won’t be if i have to stop taking the one thing that keeps me from completely checking out for the entire class and subsequently learning nothing and then falling behind to the point where i can’t even begin to catch up with the rest of my peers. the thought of stopping my meds ever gives me so much anxiety and i don’t even want to think scott how hard i would crash and burn if i suddenly stopped

and i should definitely be talking about all of this with my therapist but i only see her every two weeks and i was supposed to see her today but since it’s spring break i won’t be seeing her again until next monday (mere hours after my paper is due) so i’m just sitting here and suffering through my endless stress until i can see her again

[ikonislife]

My Professor. (1/?)

-Hanbin x Reader (Professor!Hanbin)

-1 | 2 | 3 | 4

-It was universally known that friend with benefit between best friends would be a chaotic ride from the start till the heartbreak of either one or both party. No one says anything about being in one with your dear professor...

-What is this? I don’t know what this is... hahahaha 🙃🙃🤔😏 Read it and decide for yourself. (then maybe let me know what this is haha...Sigh, I need help.)

-Rated M for language, mention of sex (secretly rated B for bullshit 😏)

-S/O to @7n13bang for being MVP AF for requesting and read through 2 (soon 3) novel sized pieces of my shitty ass writing. 

-M.List 

Jolting awake from a sudden thunderous bang in the pin drop quietness of the lecture hall, you raise your head up angrily and stare up still in a daze. Your hands rub your eyes sluggishly to rid them of the leftover blurriness of sleep before trying your best to locate the source of the disturbance. Looking around the room, a few frustrating expressions pair with the scribbling sound of pencils on exam papers, you concluded that you had for once not slept pass the ending of the class. Finally, your eyes land on a boy 5 rows in front of you who’s nervously picking up his textbook, apologizing profusely to the 20 pairs of eyes glaring daggers his way.

Fucking Brian, always with his clumsiness.

A low grunt escapes your lips as you glare down toward the flustered boy nervously pushing his textbook underneath the ugly blue plastic chair of the rundown lecture hall with his foot. Now, normally you’re not so uptight that you’d be cussing someone out for an accident. It happens, especially during a high stress period like midterm week. However, what he did just now cost you one of the most amazing dream ever, or dirtiest... or maybe you need holy water kind of dream, depends on who’s talking. 

Dozing off in class wasn’t a rare occurrent for you. Math has always been one of those subject that comes to you without much struggle which leaves plenty of time for day dreaming about nighttime activities. Actually, what is a rare occurrent would be you attending class. Sign up for a late class, your best friend had said, it’d be easier to get to class since you’re already awake, he said. No chance of being late to class from oversleeping. Well he was right about the not being late to class part. You can’t technically be late if you never bother with showing up to begin with. What a load of bullshit. If anything, the tiredness built upon itself and by 4 o’clock, your body physically give up. Regret welcomes you in its cold embrace every single time you drag your feet across the grossly worn out, stains filled carpet of the 100 years old math building. If it wasn’t regret, it’d be the constant stress to your poor heart every time it creaks from the settling cold of dusk. You wouldn’t be surprise to see it completely in ruined one of these day. Honestly, how is the building even in function still. 

Having nothing better to do after finishing the exam early, you resorted to your usual activity during class time. As much as you enjoy the thrill of solving problems, sitting through a 2 hours lecture just isn’t your thing, even worse when there’s nothing to do after an exam. You lost count of how many people that had asked why you even bother showing up to class just to fall asleep 5 minutes into the lesson.

“Oh, they threaten me if i don’t start showing up to class, i’d get academic probation. Plus they say they’re considering kicking me off the cheer squad so you know, sleep here sleep at home… it’s the same shit.”

That was one of those lie you told so often it’s slowly becoming the truth. You could be strap onto a lie detector right now and neither will you sweat nor blink. What choice do you have but to deceive everyone. Plus, it’s not even that important of a lie, white lie even. If you told them the real reasons, probation would be the last thing you’d need to worry about. It���s not as if you can publicly declare your love for the hot professor. Actually, that in itself isn’t really the problem, 70%-99% of his students secretly mentally undress him during class anyways, boys and girls alike. 

Seriously, who wouldn’t. 

Being one of those genius kid that had everything figured out by the time they graduated high school, he’s barely even 4 years older than you with a Master and a Phd. under his belt with a fancy job at a prestigious university. Towering over most at nearly 6 ft, he pretty much stands out in any crowd. Even if his intimidating height doesn’t do its job, his impressive look will take care of the rest. Despite being a professor, he looks anything but with perfectly sculpted face, even better figure, and a fashion sense that shamed even models. He pretty much could be standing there reciting the phonebook and it’d somehow be interesting. 

The problem itself is that you actually acted upon your desire when the opportunities arisen a few months back. Well, that opportunity wasn’t just a simple heat of the moment thing but rather months of intense push and pull, suppressing and wanting to unleash a fury of unimaginable desires on each other. But let’s leave that tale for a later date. 

Staring up at the center of your deepest darkest secret, you muster up a sleepy smile when your eyes meet his. He had been busily grading away at his desk while simultaneously proctoring the exam before now, looking ravishingly stunning under the rare appearance of his oversized brown tortoise specs. A playful smirk rests upon your mouth without your knowledge, tongue breaching its barrier for a slow sensual meeting with the lower lip. He often wears contacts, only busting out the glasses whenever he knew he needed to get on your good side.  

You’ve never meant for this little preference to be made known, much less to Hanbin. Late night spend in his office in reality is much less exhilarating than what one would anticipates of a willing single lady and an open available man lock in a room, wee hours of the darkness with nothing else but the quiet cricket of night as companions. He had been on the 3rd pile of paper scribbling away furiously with a few disappointing sigh. It had only been the first exam of the quarter and already, stress bestowed upon the poor professor. His brows furrowed in frustration of where could he have gone wrong that resulted in such detrimental way to the class learning curve. A soft “God” slipped through his lips like the most dainty of wind rushing through the leaves. Your heart ached for the young professor blaming himself for the lack of the class. Seconds of sympathy turned into minutes of absentmindedly staring at how his hair no longer holding its shape but rather flopping over in evident of a exhausted long day. Even with the guilt of not being able to do more to help him coursing through your blood vessels, you couldn’t stop the primal calling of the pooling heat in between your legs. 

His svelte fingers rubbing his brows vexingly as his head twisted in discomfort. Judging from the amount of red blooming on the page, it had to be one of the stoner kid that’s even worse at showing up to class than you are. When he wasn’t nibbling gently on his knuckles, his teeth would be busy gnawing away at the redden abused lips, rolling and licking them to smithereens. You let your attention engulfed in the slight sheen on those high cheekbones, eyes lingering along the sharp jawline that had definitely had every girl in the department wishing they could trace them with their tongue. His jet black locks messily draped over the peeking undercut, no longer sinfully neat from the constant ruffle of his hand rummaging through in disappointment. A near moan-like sigh escaped your lips when his index effortlessly push the oversized pair of glasses up the bridge of his noise, tugging it gently by the end piece. Hanbin is undeniably handsome, that’s for sure. But God forbid how immorally good he looks with his specs on, playing into his part as a professor so damn well. Unknowingly, your legs less than inconspicuously crossed over themselves, clumsily rubbing hard knocking the underside of his desk a few times, begging for any sort of friction. All from the way his glasses framing his ethereal face so perfectly. You had been so lost within the mesmerizing view that you nearly lost your soul from the sudden rasp of his voice.

“Baby girl, what are you doing over there?” Checking in on you was something he had always done. Even grading get rough and tedious so you provide the right amount of distraction for a quick break.

“H-Homework...” You stuttered out in an almost incoherent mess, chest heaving, breaths steadily rising. Heart rapidly drumming against your ribcage out of shock.

“How’s that going?” He sighed, a slight smirk nestled itself on his lips.

“Uh-Uhm. Good!” You shamelessly stared at the busy man in front of you that was sparing you no glance. He continued with jotting down comments, circling mistakes.

“Are you working on art?”

“Huh? No. Physics.” For once, you wished for nothing more but for him to return to ignoring you, leave  you to your day dream. You whimpered pathetically, losing command over all your senses.

“Judging from the way you’ve been absentmindedly doodling circles on your paper, I’d have guessed it’s a kindergarten art assignment for learning shapes. But hey! What do I know, right?” Not even one single second spared. He didn’t even look up while cooly making his observation. “Then again, I could be wrong. I think your legs are busy doing something else though.” His tone remained as calm as ever. As if he was just making a passing comments on how pretty the night sky was, not the fact that you were pleasuring yourself off the jaw-dropping sight of him hard working. “Or should I teach you some anatomy lesson right now. We’ll start with picking up your slacken jaws off the floor...” Finally, that haughty, mischievous expression graced itself on his features, his eyes glanced upward just enough to witness all the color disappeared from your skin. 

“C-Can you blame me though? It’s late and I-we should be in bed by now” You somehow managed to still be the least bit sassy while throwing down your pen after the mortifying realization that he was right. Atop your free body diagram a jumble of scribbles and circles layered themselves in no particular order. Your hands immediately went to press down your awkward legs in hope of controlling your dampen core. You bit your cheek out of pure embarrassment, physically impossible to look his way. You must’ve looked so stupid drooling over him with your mouth gaped wide open while drawing random shit on your homework.

“Is that so? I did said you don’t need to keep me company when I grade exam. You can go home first...” Clearly amusing himself from watching you suffer, he quipped playfully.

“No... I’ll stay.” You insisted, wincing a bit from a particularly hard chomp against on your own lip.

“You’re way too distracted today. What is it? Is it because I’m ignoring you?” He halted his movement, right hand placed over his left matter of factly. You tried your best remaining still in your seat, eyes glancing around, sweating like a sinner in church.“Hmm, that’s not it. I’ve ignored you for weeks before when my folks came to town. I bet it’s not my clothes either. You’ve seen me in these slacks plenty of times...” You swallowed hard, fingers nervously tapping on your thigh. He eyed you up and down, inside out, left to right with an inquisitive note to his burning gaze. 

“Ah...” Like the devil had just thrusted himself upon the man lost in thought in the mere microsecond it took you to blink. A wave of indiscernible mix of ego and arrogance submerged him in its toxic lake, darkening the light in his star filled eyes with lust. You felt lost gazing in those blown out pool of brown, feeling its seductive calling drawing you closer to losing yourself. You tried to resist but like a spell bound fool, you found yourself wandering further into his embrace. 

The sudden shift in mood had you sinking into your seat as if it could somehow eject you out of the thick tension of the room that was overworking your lungs with harsh gasps. Curiosity burned away and contentment bursting out with life like a phoenix reborn from ashes, his eyes still following you closely, latching onto the way yours darted between the collar bones peek-a-booing beneath the unbuttoned collar of his disheveled button up and his face. An all too familiar grin spread across those plump hot lips of his, a smuggest of a smirk. 

“So. My baby girl got a thing for glasses huh... Why didn’t you said so in the first place.” He leaned back into his chair, legs spread wide as if daring you to perch atop them. With a swift motion of his finger, you hopped out of your seat and straight to his side as if you just won the lottery. 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about... What glasses?!” You stumbled a bit, catching yourself on the messy desk of his. A few brown rings of dried out coffee and the jumble of red mess on top of the paper he was amidst of working on sadden your elated heart. A sudden wave of clarity washed over your muddled mind, changing your goal of merely getting yourself off to something a bit more meaningful. 

Pulling you to rest your ass on top of his thighs that was threatening to burst out of those well fitted slacks, he smashed his lips onto yours messily, conveying the neediness of a well deserve break. His fingers dug deep into the soft flesh of your side, grasping desperately. Hands tangled, tugging gently at his dark locks elicited low grunts to vibrate across the air. Hanbin looked even more divine up close but really, he had always been, glasses was just a bonus cherry on top that got you going harder than usual. You reciprocated with all the pent up passion from watching him for the past hour before smoothly slid off his lap, landing gently on your knee. Your fingers danced up his thighs, lips attaching themselves, sprinkling small kisses along the way that seemed to affect him greatly even through the pinstripe fabric of his pants.

“Babe, you don’t have to. We’d have more privacy for that later, just you kissing me is enough for now. Let’s just do that, huh.” His voice return to the kindness it usually possessed. He sat up straight, finger supporting your chin, lifting it up so he could get a better gaze upon your face.

“I want to... And you need it. Plus, it’s not like anyone else is around, Hanbin. It’s literally almost midnight, on Friday.” You whispered, almost in fear of someone eavesdropping from the other side of the walls despite the confident in your words. With a few nods, he leaned back, letting you have your way. Satisfied with the sight behold, you creeped your way up to undo his pants. With a playful smirk, you pulled out the throbbing member, aching to be touch. “You’re wonderful, you know that Hanbin? Don’t let a few bad exams define you as a professor.” You ended the sentence with a long sensual graze of your tongue  from the base to the tip already wet with precum. He groaned impatiently, eyes rolling to the back of his head from the sudden overwhelming pleasure. You weren’t playing around and he knew it. There was no denying him of your touch, no playful teasing licks, your eyes were now just as dark as his letting known you meant business. “Those shitty kids that don’t bother to study will never get to experience the joy in watching you teach, learning the wonderful things you have to share, get a glimpse into that beautiful mind of yours.” Your voice dropping fast, barely even holding steady at this point. The sight of him in a melting mess from your ministration had got to be the best reward of all. 

You knew of the insecurities drowning your professor, being so young and so inexperienced. Although his bright and cheerful facade tells otherwise, beneath all the confident is a crumbling mess of doubts that he’s even good enough to teach, if he’s even doing his job correctly. If only he could understand the joy you take in listening to him so passionately preach his skill. The way he glowed so brightly with a soft smile on his lips reciting the steps to correctly do a formal proof had you lost for words. By the 3rd lecture of the course, you knew this wasn’t just a job for him. It’s his joy, h life, his whole world.

With a long well prepared breath, you sunk your head fully down his length, feeling the firmness pressing tight against your throat. Tear rolling down your cheek but you didn’t dare close your eyes, forcing them to stay on his flickering one. You swallowed hard, feeling the twitches of joy emanating through your mouth, basking in the cusses and groans of a man losing his mind. You pulled away with a pop, clear drops stringing from the top of his dick to your lips as you smirk proudly watching his nearly closed eyes so burning on you. “Fuck them. You did an amazing job with all your lecture. You gave your all to the class, staying late even when you’re not legally obligated to. Tell me, who in this damn department got enough passion for the job that they’d spend all weekend running 5 different review session to prepare those ungrateful brats for the midterms rather than going out drinking with friends?” You clearly no longer abled to control your breathing as you growled so low you were sure it was inaudible. With a swirl of the tongue over the small slit atop his tip, you sent him sinking further into his throne, hands grasping so tightly on the armrests they’re sure to crack in half any second now. “Who? Tell me!” Removing all form of gratification to his elated body, you sternly questioned with your arms crossed, face backing as far away from him as possible, needing to hear him. 

“M-Me. It’s me, no one else.” A ragged answer found itself satisfying your demented way of reassuring his ego.

“Damn right, it’s you.” Stealing the devilish smirk right off his face, you resumed gliding your small fingers over his length, earning a loud groan from the high returning to his tightening abs. ���So don’t you dare even start with the ‘I’m not good enough for this job’. I can tell you right now, baby. You’re better than at least 4 of the other senior professors I’ve taken. Damn sure none of them cared enough to give us even a review guide let alone going the distant like you do. I don’t wanna hear none of that bullshit, got it?” Your pace increase as his legs could barely stayed still any longer. You forced yourself onto his lower body, elbows pinning down the jerky movements of his thighs. Mouth hovering, caressing the tip, you took the rest of his aching, twitching dick in your hand, pumping fast, occasionally grazing over his scrotum.

“Fuck, baby. S-stop... You gotta stop. I’m not gonna be able to hold back. Baby!” He grunted in desperation for relief or for you to stop, he couldn’t differentiated. 

“NO! you let go of all your stress. It’s about you right now. Don’t worry about me. I’ll do this all night and more if it means you get the stupid thought out of that big genius brain of yours. You. Kim Hanbin. Is awesome.” From the low muttered cusses, you knew he was close. From the way his lengthy fingers grasping harshly on your hair to the point of pain, you knew he was going to let it all go just for you. With a few murmurs of your name, still in fear of lingering soul late at night hearing your intimate session, he let go, just like you asked him to. Your action never ceased, continuing on well past his breaking point. You reveled yourself in the way he squirmed so helplessly from his orgasm through the oversensitivity of coming down from heaven. Softness return and you finally let go of the man slicked with sweat, immobilized in his seat. 

A lustful moan mingled with the leftover scent of the bashful scene that just happened caught you by surprise. You glanced up to see his face twisted up in pleasure watching you wiped the last bit of milky stain from your lips, licking it off your finger unknowingly turning the spent man on once again. Motioning for you to come close once more, he pulled you into a fervent kiss, no doubt basking in the pride of tasting him and him only on your tongue.

“How the hell do you look so innocent sitting there wiping cum off your lips. What the fuck, baby. I don’t get you.”

“You feel better though?” You murmured against his quivering lips, panting still from coming down.

“God, I’m lucky. Of course. Thank you so much.”

“Good, I did my job. Don’t you ever forget how amazing you are, okay? My admiration for you goes beyond physical attraction and I believe that’s the way it should be. Don’t you ever question your self worth. I’ll be really angry if you do.”

With a nuzzle into the crook of your neck, he let himself rest for a second, regaining his strength, a few quiet thank you reaching your ears.

“So this had got nothing to do with the specs I’m wearing?” The playfulness in his tone returned without much warning, scaring the butterflies in your stomach awake without much effort.

“Oh God...Please forget about that...” Red tinting your cheeks as your hands acted without being commanded to covering, pressing the heat rising away from your skin. He chuckled in amusement at just how easy you flipped from this sinful personality to blushing intensely while innocently resting on top of his lap.

Since then, he’s near impossible to say no to. Unstoppable that man is smugly under his damn glasses. He insisted the only reason he wears them was to avoid another spectacle like the one a few months back where he nearly went blind scratching his eyes while putting on contact in a rush that ultimately put him out of commission for a good week. But really, who does he thinks he’s fooling. You know his game too damn well to know it’s mere coincident he’s donning the cursed piece of accessory during exam day. 

God know how long it’ll take him to grade the exam and one could only pray for the stress about to bestow upon the young professor. You, on the other hand, completely free of all obligation now that the exam had past. There was no homework for another week,it’s not as though you worry too much about the new material. Which means, your night completely open, wide open for the usual meeting.

Nodding lightly to let you know he noticed, he quickly goes back to moving his red pen as to not draw attention to whom he was staring at. Although by the subtle complacence dancing on his handsome features, you’d say he’d much rather continue this forbidden banter than staring at the messy proofs of vector spaces. Sadden by the sudden break of attention, you pout before resting your chin on your own table and watch as everyone else struggle. You can’t blame him for his coldness, it was necessary to keep your relationship going, whatever it may be. 

Even though during your many times getting physical he’d casually slipped out a “You’re mine”, he had never really made it clear what he sees you as. From the beginning, you knew this was going to be the devil’s deal and nothing good would come from it. Well, lots of good things but that’s beside the point. It was a fuck up “love story” from the start and you were both just trying to make the best of a weird situation. Never once did he made a move on you despite on multiple occasions he said you hold a special place in his life for being able to understand him on so many levels. The amount of time you’ve had intellectual conversation with him was just as often as the times he fucked you practically on every single surface of his house that could support both of your concupiscence. 

Often time one thing leads to the other. After a heated session of bodies crashing into each other, you’d be wrap up in his blanket with a cup of tea in hand deep in conversation about every corner of the universe. If anyone seen you two then, they wouldn’t suspect what sort of dirty unimaginable fleeting things were whispered just moments before. He couldn’t be anymore amazing: handsome, nice body, definitely know how to pleasure a girl. But the things that had gotten you strapped down, holding onto your dear life in this crazy ride in the first place had to be was the amazing personality, and that big brain of his. He possesses the vast wisdom of an old soul yet the eccentric knowledge and open-mindedness of the young folks. It was slowly becoming a pet peeve of yours to listen to mindless gossip about how hot he looks, smack the shit out of the girls that drone on and on about the ways. Why? You weren’t really sure, it just rubs you the wrong way. If only they know what kind of shit he’s into when the bedroom door shut. 

Boredom driving away the slumber you long for, you let out a frustrating sigh earning dagger glares from quite a few folks. Whispering sorry, you look up to see him slyly pointing at his phone then you. Taking the hint, you reach into your pocket and get out your phone.

[8:31] Nerd👓: I know you hate being in my class but could you not disturb everyone else?

[8:32] Who was it that forced me into attending every session? 🤔 But sorry... I didn’t mean to ):

[8:32] Nerd👓: Bad girl don’t get what they want… We talked about this.

[8:32] 😳 I

[8:35]  Nerd👓: 🙄

Bad girls don’t get what they want

That was becoming his favorite phrase these past recent days. You had accidentally let slipped your most shameful secret about a month back during one particularly stormy night while being entangled in his soft blanket. Forcing to keep each other warm with body heat and rhythmic movements, neither of you really minded that the central heating was completely out of service and wasn’t being fix for another week. Moans lost within the noise of the badgering storm outside, you completely forgotten about the tick of time that doesn’t stop for anyone until it was well past 1 AM.  Being the gentleman he is, you driving home alone wasn’t an option with the darkening rain outside. You vetoed his suggestion of him driving you home since that would make for a very complicated situation. Not to mention the risks of him driving alone in the rain after a 15 hours day at school, exhausted was not one you were about to take. Then there was the issue of how would you retrieve your car the next morning in time for school. You couldn’t damn well as your roommate, who by the way has an intense crush on Hanbin, to drop you off at his house. When he offered to pick you up the next morning, a bigger problem presented itself. Nobody could see you two together in such a intimate manner. Being a broke ass college student, you share an apartment with 2 other girls. How was it that you made it home but your car didn’t.

 “How did you get his home address? Why do you have a key and his security code. Oh and by the way, was that the hot professor dropping you off at wee hours of the night? Wait he’s picking you up tomorrow too? What’s going on?”

You remember yourself pacing back and forth enunciating everything sarcastically to make your point. He chuckled at the unraveling worry mess in front of him which pissed you off even more. None of this was funny, if you two get caught it’d be big trouble in paradise. Walking up the  embodiment of stress in the middle of his living room, he pulled you into a big embrace calming your nerve almost instantly. Once you had calmed down, his hands traveled to cup your face tenderly. Pressing a haste kiss onto your cheek, his lips curled into a soothing smile.

“You’re overthinking it. Stay with me tonight.”

He never needed to do much to get you warp into this carefree pocket of life. Every time was like the first time being with him all over again. All your worries, all your caution went out the window the moment his soft lips meet yours. Scratch that, all your thoughts and senses also go out the window. Your arms immediately retreated back to their favorite position around his body, gently ghosting over the soft skin of his naked torso. At your consenting touch, he ran his hand through your hair pushing the kiss deeper. The other hand assumed its favorite resting place on your ass signaling the start of another storm of your own kind. 

Knowing where this was heading, you hopped up quietly when his hands grabbed your thighs and pulled your body up. Walking back to his bedroom, he laid you down on the bed before gingerly crashing his whole body weight on top of you. Hanbin’s a very passionate lover - gentle and delicate with just the right touch of firmness. To him it wasn’t just casual sex but rather making love. He took time caressing every part of your body with either his hands or his mouth, letting you know in between touches how much he appreciate the moment. His touches were soft but by all mean straight to the point. Sliding his finger up and down your clothed slit, he whispered lovingly “you’re all mine” before another collision of lips happened. Arching your back in pleasure, your hands tried their best to get in contact with whatever skin they could find. God, how could someone skin be so smooth and velvety. Feeling the desperation in your touch, he sat up and let you worked on his pants. Pushing his hip up to help you slide away the piece of clothing that was getting more and more constricting as the seconds passed from his growing member, he slid off your pants and panties as a whole. A mischievous smile danced on his lips before his strong hand spread your legs wide open and his face hovered in between. He wasted no time in making out with your hot core. Tongue ravaging your sweet cave, his eyes focused intensely on your hands that was now shoving inside your shirt to reach his 2nd favorite part of your body, first being your eyes. Your hands tugged your lust filled nipples to further the gratification that’s radiating from your clit. Clearly enjoying the show, the contact from his kisses get sloppier and quicker as your moan amplified. Breaking away for a moment, he let out a very rare firm demand for you to remove your shirt. It was an unusual thing for him to do since if he wants it, he’ll get it done himself. It’s almost like you don’t have to lift a hand, just respond to his touch is enough. Slightly turn on by the commnad, you flung your shirt off at the speed of light and he resumed his activity. Gentle Hanbin is your favorite but something about the rare split second where it almost seemed like a his hidden, rougher and harsher self slipped through the crack his carefully well maintained controlled one that turn you on like nothing else in this world. The need for release increased and your hand caressed through his hair, pushing his face in even further. In response, 2 fingers were shoved inside your messy core suddenly causing you to hiss while his tongue still having fun on your clit. A third finger caused a sensory overload on your body and what came out next forever changed your entire dynamic. A sudden aggression filled his movement making you cried in utter pure lust.

- “Shit, that feels so good daddy. Please, Hanbin...Harder”

The second the desperate pleading left your mouth, both your hands flew toward your face, hiding it in embarrassment and your eyes jerked open. He was clearly caught of guard as all contact on your body ceased, doe eyes staring down at you in a rush of debating whether he had heard correctly. Scared that you might have driven him off, your fingers parted slightly so you can take a peak at your lover. What you thought would be shock on his face were actually a mix a devilish smirk and something you never thought you’d see from him, cockiness. Confused by his expression, your hands dropped away from your face and you stared in awe. It was like you had just seen the 8th wonder of the world. Out of nowhere, his thumb went back to kneading your clit gently while he moved in closer. Startled from the sudden touch, you jerked your body upward but his hand firmly on your chest pushed your body back onto the bed, hovering dangerously close to your throat. A dark cloud of lust took over his gentle eyes while the weird mix of expression still lingered. Finally he spoke.

- “Oh, baby girl… you really shouldn’t have said that. Do you even realize what you did just now by calling me that?

You shaked your head hesitantly while your hand felt up his perfect abs. Even though his finger was still working on your core, it was nothing compare to the waves of pleasure from a moment ago. His free hand grabbed yours and slid it up across his chest then back down. He placed your hand on his hard glistened with precum dick and motioned for you to continue rubbing. Eyes still gazing deep into your soul, his lips curl into a grin.

- “Do you know how hard daddy had to try and hold back because I thought I’d scare you off? That I might hurt your little fragile self?”

- “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you wanted me to… If I had known….”

- “Well, no matter. Just know, you just did a very, very bad thing. Are you sure your body can take whatever daddy wants?” His voice sultrily tickled your bare skin, raising all your hair on their ends.

- “Yes.”

- “Yes, what?” He grunted, voice dropping to the depth of the deep sea as displeasure curled his lips into almost a snarl.

His fingers pinched your clit causing you to yelp out in surprise. Fulling understanding he’s no longer playing around, you complied to his every request thinking to yourself maybe that slip up might not be so bad after all.

- “Yes, daddy” you squeaked out timidly, putting up the best innocent eyes you could mustered up under such corrupted situation, fearful of being deny pleasure.

He bent down and pressed a hot kiss to your forehead, momentarily went back to his usual soft spoken self to make sure you were really okay with everything. Pulling his lips onto yours, you murmured a yes onto his lips before he harshly pulled away. You had dreamt so many time about calling him daddy but never once thought he’d be the type of guy that’s into such kink. Although your sex was nothing close to being vanilla, he was so gentle and loving, not a mean bone in his body. Who would’ve thought he’d play into the role so perfectly. Disappointed in the lack of contact, you pouted and he just simply smirked at the new found power.

- “Maybe if you beg hard enough, daddy will do whatever you want.

That marked first day you officially stay overnight and the day everything changes. After that night, an accident turned into a routine. A routine lead to many more discussion about each others’ sexual limits, pushing boundaries and setting new ground. Even with the new dominant side, he would always make sure you were okay with things before acting upon his desires. 

Glaring back up after reading his text, you spot your beloved professor with a smirk on his lips while penning away at the stack of exams. You were never one to back off from a fight despite letting him dominate over you most of the time. If he really want to play this game, so can you.

[8:33] I’m sorry daddy… I just wanted your attention. I got sad cause you barely even looked at me ): I just had the most amazing wet dream about you before i got woken up. I just want daddy’s hands all over me.

The moment the little check mark indicate ‘read’, his face went pale and cold from the shock that’s crashes down on him like a tsunami while you’re sitting there glaring in stone cold arrogant. Hand still clutching his phone tightly, his head immediately snaps toward your direction with the most dumbstruck with terror expression on it. You tease him even further by putting on the best doe eyes pouty face you could. You were never brave enough to do anything like this so publicly, you know better than to risk getting caught. However today, seeing how you carefully chose to sit in the very last row in the very corner seat next to the wall, what’s the harm. That meant no one could see what you were doing from behind and luck was on your side, you had the whole entire row to yourself as everyone else chose seats up close to the board. Not even a minute later your phone buzz in excitement.

[8:33]  Nerd👓: Baby girl, what do you think you’re doing? You know better than this… Don’t make me angry.

[8:34] But Dadddyyyyy… I’m bored. I finished my exam already. Can’t you cancel the class and play with me? Look how wet I am for you…

You pull up the hem of your skirt slightly to reveal the dampen underwear before spreading your legs and inconspicuously snap a photo under the table. Praise the heaven no one is sitting within 5 ft radius of you. You can see his hand hesitate for a moment before letting out a sigh and opening up your text. He knows all too well a picture message from you could be nothing but trouble. His fingers furiously type a reply before going back to grading. If his expression was stone cold before, it was now stiffening to a slight shade of fury as his eyebrows furrow and nose scrunches up a bit.

[8:35]  Nerd👓: You need to stop this instant. I’m serious, stop playing around. What did I say about texting me dirty things in class?

[8:35] You’re so boring. I was gonna tell you about my dream and all the things I want you to do but whatever. I don’t wanna play with daddy anymore. By the way, interesting choice in accessory today. Don’t say I started this, you did.

You don’t need to be told twice to know he’s not into the game. You strut down the steps of the room, exam in hand. You muster up your best resting bitch face and stare him dead in the eyes before sliding the paper neatly on top of his desk. His expression has gone back to being soft after seeing you up close, wanting... needing nothing but one smile from you as salvation to the tedious work ahead. He give a small smile but you chose to just ignore him, keeping a straight face. His smile drops and guilt begin tapping at your heart but still, you made your bed now you’re laying in it, keeping true to your cold facade. Walking back to your seat, your hips put on their best performance swaying back and forth to tease him, the hem of your skirt swings freely with each step. Getting frustrated, you flop your head back down onto the table and forcing yourself back to sleep ignoring the buzzing of messages radiating from your pocket.

As you run through the perfect meadow of your dream, a sudden tightness on your thigh sends distress to your peaceful mind. A gasp escapes your mouth from being jerk away from sleep so suddenly. As your eyes flutter open, you feel warmth on your lips while the tighten hold on your thigh persist as it slides up higher on your thigh. Your hand put a dead stop to the foreign hand as it was now reaching under the hem of your skirt, finger squeezing as hard as they can hoping your nail could do some damage and ward the stranger off. Your eyes shot open quickly before a calming voice put ease into your whole body with soft pets over your hair.

- “Time to go home, you can’t sleep here all night.”

Recognizing the sweet voice, your hand loosen its grip letting the strong, large hand continue on its destination, tips of his finger playfully toying with the seam of your underwear. Your lips returning the warmth it received while murmuring quietly.

- “Hanbin?”

- “Yea. Come on, let’s get going.”

- “How long was I sleeping for? I’m so tired.”

- “Not too long. I didn’t want to wake you up before everyone left. Daddy needs some alone time with you.”

He groans as his hand still running up and down your thigh, teeth grazing your earlobe slightly. Finally lifting your head up from the table, your haze filled eyes caress every inch of the tall body in front of you with insatiable hunger. Motioning for you to get up, his arms grab hold on your waist after you stumble slightly. Pulling your body close, he whispers for the usual meeting. You gather up your belonging before giving him a haste goodbye kiss and head out the door. Walking toward a coffee shop nearby, you figured some coffee would be good for whatever he had in mind when he asked for ‘alone time’. Also,it would probably be a good idea not to show up to his office right after the exam in case of stragglers wanting to talk about how badly they did on theirs. Coffee in hand, you stop off to get him a sandwich as a reward seeing how hard he worked during class. As usual, you surf the net till you get the go ahead

[10:15]  Nerd👓: the coast clear

[10:15] Comin’ (:

Getting the safety confirmation, you hasten your way across campus toward a habitual path. Walking down the dark hallway, you have to admit being at school so late is kind of creepy. Most of his hallway office mate had gone for the night, thus the dark room behind the locked door. The rare room with light was tightly shut, probably staying late to grade exams. Who said teachers have it easy. Finally reaching your destination, you knock timidly with your foot as your hands are preoccupied with the coffees. A few second passed and you hear clicking of the lock. Slipping in quickly, he sticks his head out to make sure no one was watching before locking the door. Setting the food and drinks down, you throw your bag pack clumsily onto the floor earning a groan from him.

“Kid, I know you don’t care for school but can you at least take care of your school stuff.”

Turning around, you press your body onto his, hands resting on his chest.

“I do care for school, i just think it’s tedious.”

“Is that what my class is to you? tedious? is that why you either skip or sleep during it?”

“No, your lectures are great, and funny… It’s just i’d rather sleep.”

To hear his life work taking lower priority than a physical necessity, he smacks your ass hard causing you to jump backward, stupefy about what had just happened. Without warning, his eyes take on a shade of seriousness that instill fear on your poor nerve still recovering from the sudden switch as he slowly struts toward you. Sensing the looming event, you subconsciously back away from his large stature. Still moving forward, his hands begin to unbutton his cuffs and rolls them up.

“Now about what you did in class earlier… Did you think you can play around like that and expect daddy not to punish you?”

Playing along with his pretend anger, you mewl out your best cry and beg for mercy.

“I’m sorry daddy, please. I didn’t mean to upset you, please. I won’t do it again.”

At the same time, you stop backing away and drop onto your knee. Once he’s within arm reach, your hand shakily play with his belt buckle. As much as you love how tightly his slack hugs his ass, he looks much better with it off. He let you go as far as pulling the buckle open before bunching up your hair and pulls you away from his body. You let out a whimper at the sudden cut of contact.

- “What did daddy say about being a bad girl?” his voice lowers, tickling your spine.

- “Bad girls don’t get what they want.” You whimper almost pathetically compare to his firm tone.

- “Right! Now would you rather me ignoring you for being so bad or take your punishment like the big girl I know you are. I gotta warn you, my punishment won’t be pretty.” He muses over the option, brows raise in anticipation of your choice. Deep down, he’d much rather you choose the latter because his poor soul could never ignore you for long.

Obeying his every words, you bend over onto his desk and wait in silent, making your choice known. You don’t need to look to know he’s taking his time admiring the view, smirking victoriously. Another second passed before you hear clinking of his buckle and the swift sound of it being pull away from his pants. His hand rubbing your ass slightly before pulling the hem of your skirt up to reveal a lace cheeky pair of undies that’s already soaked. Hand still grabbing your ass harshly, he leans so close you can feel every breath.

“Do you know how much i love when you’re willing to bend to my every words? how much I adore seeing you so utterly obedient to all my will and wish?”

“Yes, daddy” You quipped without hesitation, adoring the way his rough hand kneading at your soft flesh.

“Good. But doesn’t that make you even more guilty for defying my words like you did in class today? Knowing it’d make me mad? Why?” The way your eyes flutter close and gentle smiles radiate jolts of intense satisfaction all through his body. Your face almost looks serene despite the near skin splitting bite sinking into your lower lip.

“Because… I know daddy will punish me if I do.” 

“So you like it when i get rough with you?”

“Yea… Sometimes...”

“What is it, baby?”

“Sometimes I just need you to be rough. You won’t break me, I promise!” You said with almost an innocent glee to your voice, completely unsullied by the sinful acts that was happening. It honestly break his tough shell faster than any other force on this planet. He fully realizes by the 3rd time sharing skin with you that you do it completely unintentional, not even realizing what it does to him. 

“If that’s what my baby girl’s wish, who am I to deny her.”

You peek over to see him folding his belt in half before snapping it loudly. Preparing yourself for what’s going to happen next, you quickly grab his jacket and clutch onto it tightly for some sort of comfort. Smirking at your action, he smooths his hand over your ass before snapping his belt onto your left cheek quickly. Walking toward the other side, he places a hand onto the dimple of your back indicating another hit was coming. You let out a loud muffled whimper from biting on his jacket just as the whipping sound echo through the room. Running the cold belt buckle over the large red hot stripes blooming on your ass, he bends over to kiss your hair. finger pulling back a few strand of hair and tucking it behind your ears, he places more kisses on your cheek before whispering for you to get up. Dropping the belt onto the table, he pulls you into a warm embrace, palms pressing tight against the hot skin soothing it.

- “Did I hurt you?”

You whine and nod onto his chest while arms tightening around his body.

- “I’m sorry.” he whines kisses your lips.  “It’s all done. Are you gonna behave like the good girl I know you are now?”

His hand move away from your face and down onto your breasts. Eyes focus completely on your cleavage while thumb absently rubbing circles around your nipple.

“Yes, I’m sorry for upsetting you. I just want you to touch me.”

“I know, I wanted so badly to take you then and there. I have a meeting in 10 minutes so how about you go home and wait for me? It shouldn’t take too long.”

He senses the disappointment in your pouty face and so he presses big wet kiss onto your lips. Pulling away from him, you frown, dropping your arms off his body.

“ Awe. Don’t be like that. I don’t want to rush it.”

Mumbling a quiet okay before turning away to pick up your bag, you were anything but happy. Before you could reach the bag, one of his arm wraps around your waist flushing you impossibly close against his body, pressing his bulge tight on your backside. the other arm snaking down pass your skirt and resting on your core. Fluttering kisses on your neck and shoulder had you slumping over in completely lost of control over your own body. You squirm under the intense gratification blooming fast with every touch of his lips, his fingers rub hastily on your clit. You let out a gasp from the sudden flood of pleasure, your knee buckle causing you to grab his muscular arms for support. Never cease contact, he move you back toward his desk. Turning your body around, he lifts you off the ground and set you sitting atop the wooden piece of furniture. Without warning, he drops to his knee and dine away in between your legs. You squeeze your thighs around his head trying your best to cope with the rush of gratification. Leaning back on your elbows, your back arch and cusses slip out of your mouth when he pushes 3 fingers into you, pumping fast. Breaking contact for a moment, he peers up at the sight of the melting mess he’s causing and smile.

“I’m sorry, I thought we’d have more time for this. I didn’t think the students would stay that long.”

- “It’s okay, I can wait. You don’t need to, I’ll wait for you to get home.”

You somehow manage to mutter a comprehensible sentence despite the pulsating wave of satisfaction from your core, a deep puddle building up fast in your stomach. Your hand move to grab his hair and pushes his face further in indicating you were close. His tongue works harder as his fingers pump even faster. A mischievous grin breaches his lips from the sight of your fist shoving knuckle deep into your mouth, muffling the harsh pants and moan. Not a minute later, your nectar gushes all over his lips and fingers. Dropping your body onto the desk heavily, your chest could barely keep up as you try to catch your breaths. Your eyes lazily gaze over to see him pulling his dirty fingers out of his mouth with a loud pop. Smiling softly, you raise both your arms up and he walks over to pull you up into a hug. Leaning on his shoulder, you reach your finger up to pull his chin toward your face. Noticing his fingers trying to wipe your left over stickiness on his face, you help out by licking and kissing whatever remnant you can reach.

- “Okay, i don’t think licking is working… that’s making it worse actually” he lets out a chuckle but did nothing to stop your tongue.

- “Okay, stay there.”

You quickly hop off and make your way over to your backpack. Pulling out a pack of wet-wipes, you proceed to wipe his chin and neck while he lean on the desk to rest. Tossing the wipe away, you pull down his sleeves and buttoning it back up, straightening out the wrinkles as best as you can. Grabbing the source of the forming bruises on your buttcheeks, you loop his belt around his slack and buckling it back up while giving him a small kiss. Staring up at his messy hair, you let out a small chuckle before moving your  hands up to style it back to how it was before. Sliding your hands off his shoulders for the finishing touches, you back away and stare him down with a satisfying smile.

- “There, good as new and totally presentable.”

Pulling you back toward him, he presses a kiss on your nose and you let out a giggle.

- “I can really use to this. You should stop spoiling me before I do.”

The smile on your face fades off from his comment fast completely unaware of by the happy man. There he goes again saying things that confuse the shit out of you. Glancing back up at the clock, he stands up and begins to gather his things.

- “Alright cutie, I gotta go before I get yell at. I’ll see you at home okay?”

Snapping out of your daze, you smile and nod. Grabbing the sandwich you’re forcefully shoving into his hand, he stares at you in confusion.

- “I know you’ve been working all day and skipping dinner. Pastrami and black coffee, your favorite. I hope at least this will make the meeting go faster.”

Smiling and pinching your cheek, he plants another kiss on your lips before walking off. Staring up and down the hall to make sure no one was around, he motions for you to come out.

- “You’re seriously so cute. I don’t think anyone ever notice that i skip meals while simultaneously sleep in class before. That’s a pretty amazing skill set, definitely list that on your resume. But stop spoiling me, if i get use to this then you’re in trouble.”

- “I don’t mind. I’ll see you at home okay? If you come back and the sandwich is still not eaten, you’ll be the one in trouble.”

You whisper lowly in case someone still lurks around the empty hallway. Turning your heels, you begin walking toward the exit to give some distant between you two. Before reaching it however, you turn around to see him locking the door.

- “By the way…” his hands stop and he looks over your direction. “ … I record your lectures and listen to it at home. You’re a great professor.”

You flash your best smile at him before continuing on your path. The young professor stands there completely at peace with everything that was happening. Joy erupts on his handsome features as he basks in the sunshine of something new, something he was now sure he wants with you. 

Part 2 

Okay so like I was looking for a gif of Hanbin in glasses or at least a suit to go with the professor theme. Miracle if I could find him in both... and I got this little gem of fetus Binnie. Just thought I’d leave it here.

[amiafairyprincessyet]

Tell us about The Year You Only Wore Skirts sometime. Or, alternately, The “Titties!” Dress. Oh, or The Year You Tried to Assign One Specific Outfit to Each Weekday!

Okay, you asked for it buddy.

So, important backstory: I went to a private school for kindergarten through eighth grade.  (About ages five to fourteen, for those not used to the U.S. educational system.)  I’m aware that being able to do that is a huge privilege, but it also kind of completely ruined my life so uhhhhhhhhh let’s not go there.  (For those outside the U.S., a private school is one that the government doesn’t pay for completely, so your family has to pay money to go there, like you’re in university or something.  This does not necessarily mean they are better schools although I’ll admit that the one I went to was very good academically.)

Anyway, said private school had a pretty strict dress code.  It was bad enough when we were little, but when we got into middle school (about age ten or eleven) it got positively draconian, and (as these things always do) impacted the girls way more than the boys.

So, here are the stories in order:

1. The Year I Only Wore Skirts

I had a lot of weird impulses as a kid that ended up affecting my life for a disproportionate amount of time (I’m still a vegetarian) and this was one of them.  I mean, as far as I can remember, I had absolutely no reason for this besides “because I want to try it”.  I think this was in third grade and I just randomly decided I was only going to wear skirts for that entire school year.  While I was already starting to feel the early effects of POTS/hypermobile joints, I was still a fairly active, scrappy kid, so this was a little more difficult than I’d anticipated.  (Weather wasn’t too much of an issue–it didn’t get too cold in the winter in the part of California I lived in.)

Still, I’m a very stubborn person, and I persisted.  Until the second semester, when we had a gymnastics unit in P.E.  At that age, they didn’t have us changing clothes for P.E. yet, we were just required to come to school in clothes we could do athletic stuff.  I protested that opaque leggings under a skirt were perfectly reasonable and decent for my very poor attempts at headstands and cartwheels.  (Still can’t do either.  I kicked ass at balance beam, though.)  The administration did not agree with my opinion, and thus ended The Year I Only Wore Skirts.

2. The Year I Tried to Assign One Specific Outfit to Each Weekday:

I think this was probably the year after the skirt year, so probably fourth grade.  Maybe it was fifth, actually.  Also I don’t think it was a full year, because all the outfits I remember would not be suitable for my part of California in the early fall or late spring.

I think I’d gotten kind of fed up with how hard it was to follow dress code and wear cute outfits so I said, you know what?  Fuck it.  (Except I didn’t know that word yet–I remember exactly when I learned what “the f-word” everyone was talking about was, and that wasn’t until the end of fifth grade.)  I’m just gonna put together five outfits that work with the dress code and assign each one to a weekday and wear them on those days and there!  I’ll be done!  I was also going through a corduroy phase, so at least three of the outfits involved corduroy pants.  (And also we weren’t allowed to wear jeans.)  I can still remember two of the outfits clearly.  My favorite one (can’t remember the weekday) was a pair of magenta corduroy flare pants with two dark turquoise shirts that I layered.  See, we were required to have collars on our shirts, so I wore a plain collared polo shirt under a long-sleeved shirt that had this really cool floral embroidery on the front.  Some of the embroidery was magenta, hence the pants.  I also remember my Wednesday outfit–straight leg white corduroy pants and a white long-sleeve turtleneck shirt with thin rainbow stripes.

This didn’t last too long, for a few reasons.  Number one, my plan required that everything get washed every weekend, which just didn’t happen.  Number two, I got bored pretty quickly and started deviating from my schedule.  Number three, I’ve always been a slob and all-white outfits have always been a bad idea for me, so I had to drop the Wednesday outfit pretty quickly.

3. The “Titties!” Dress:

Okay, so in middle school (roughly ages 11-14) I was super super depressed.  (Remember how I said private school ruined my life?  Yeah.)  Goth fashion really appealed to me then, so I tried to dress that way.  Problem is, the aforementioned draconian dress code made that really difficult.  (Dress code stuff was also especially difficult for me because a) I hit puberty early and looked like an adult by age twelve and b) the middle school principal didn’t like me.  She sent me home from eighth grade graduation to cover up my ~sinful~ dress and I barely made it back to school in time to walk.)  I was basically confined to black cargo pants (not flattering at all) and black polo shirts, all fairly shapeless.

So that was what I had to work with when I started going to high school at a public (read: normal) school.  At first that suited me just fine, but as I began to realize that most of my depression was due to my old school, I started to want to dress differently.  I was inspired by a ModCloth ad I happened to click on, as well as my freshman bio lab partner who had a really amazing sense of fashion.  (In hindsight, I totally had a crush on her.)

This meant that one day, when I was shopping with my mom, I picked up a dress that was very different from what I normally wore.  It was… drumroll please… this dress!  Yep, this story is recent enough that I actually have a photo of the “Titties!” dress.  I think it took me a little while to actually wear the thing, but one day I did.  It was cool that morning, so I wore my oversized black Stanford sweatshirt for the beginning of the day.  However, partway through drama class, I took it off.  I definitely got a few weird looks, because these people had spent most of a school year only seeing me in baggy black clothes, but no one said anything.  Until I was talking to someone I was working on a scene with, and I saw that she was looking behind me and struggling to keep a straight face.

I turned around just in time to see one of the other girls gesturing in front of her chest and mouthing, “Titties!”  She had the grace to look a little guilty when I caught her, but only a little.  I think she said something like, “Did you have those the whole time?” to which I replied that yes, I had, for several years actually.  I wasn’t offended, because as far as I could tell, she didn’t mean it in a mean way at all.  She was just genuinely really really surprised.

Anyway, I called that dress “The ‘Titties!’ Dress” after that.  It doesn’t really fit me anymore, but I think I kept it for sentimental reasons, since it’s kind of a symbol of me overcoming my depression and dressing how I actually wanted to all along.

[adorkablemusicman]

#LostAndFound Hayden & Violet- #TheMeetCute

Vi: [I wasn’t ready to start a new school. Well it wasn’t that I wasn’t ready. It was more that I didn’t want to. My Dad had a bad night, a very sleepless night where he was in pain and his medication wasn’t helping. A doctor was going to come out while I was gone today to review his painkillers. I was the sort of girl that kept to myself so I didn’t care about being the ‘new girl’, mostly because I had no intention of actually speaking to anyone. The objective was go to school, do my thing and then come home. My grandmother gave me money for lunch, apparently you had to upload it onto your school card or something and then you used that to pay. Very modern and fancy. She also snuck a homemade birthday brownie into my bag. I loved her. Mom dropped me off out the front of the building. “Do you want me to come in with you?” she asked.]

No, it’s bad enough I’m the new girl on her birthday. I don’t need my mommy playing escort. [I retorted back and sighed when I saw her expression. One of tiredness and hurt.] I didn’t mean that. I just mean I’m not a kid. I love you.

[I bid my mother a quick goodbye, ensured I had my phone with me and took the walk of a few yards to the school doors where I could introduce myself to the office lady with a stammer. Poor human.]

I’m Violet Temple… today’s my first day.

Hayden

[Sunday night turned into a late one unintentionally but it happens a helluva lot when I get lost in my writing and I’ve been trying to pen a couple of songs at the same time. Really my concentration should be on my school work, I have so much to reacquaint myself with that's for damn sure. And still my gut instinct always goes straight back to my music, my muse loudest when I should definitely be working on something far more important.

Come early Monday morning I'm hanging hard from lack of sleep but I can’t say I’m not buzzed. It’s 8.15 when I pull into the school parking lot, my hands steady on the wheel for sure but the shot of espresso I’d picked up on the way in was definitely kicking in right about now. I would need it this mornin’ thats a sure certainty, what with me showing the new student around. I didn’t mind it, I like meeting new people but its also evident, at least in my mind that I’m not in a very sociable kinda mood. Then again who the heck is on a Monday morning I suppose. I jump outta my truck and slam the door heavily, taking in the still half empty lot. It was way too early, earlier than I usually bother to get here but I wanted to stop by the music room and the Canteen before heading to the principal's office. En route from the Music room a little while later, halls are starting to fill up, the buzzer for homeroom only about 10 minutes or so away. I’ve managed to book time in the music room for myself and the guys every Wednesday up until the spring dance, which is only Seven weeks away. The theme hasn’t been picked yet and I’m not that much into the formalities of it but I’m hopeful we can get the gig if we keep up with practice. I debate picking up a coffee before heading to my appointment at the school office and decide I can manage it and still be on time. As it turns out the coffee machine is on the slow side this morning or damn it maybe it’s because I’m in a hurry but whatever the reason, I barely make it to the front office with a second to spare, bypassing the ditzy Ms Campbell on Reception as I all but skid into the Principals office without knocking.

‘Hey, I’m late, sorry I’m late, you know…’

[ I clock the principal, sitting on the edge of his desk, halfway through saying something about schedules and maps, turning as I crash into the room, my coffee sloshing a little over the side of my paper cup, hitting the floor with a splat.]

Damn it...I’ll clean that…[ I shake my head and chuckle, casting a glance over to the young girl seated in the chair opposite.] ...It’s errr, been a busy mornin’, I’m all yours now.

Vi:

[Everyone I’d met so far seemed perfectly nice. The lady on the reception desk and then the Principal. I had my schedule, a diary for recording assignments and a map so I didn’t get lost - though I wasn’t really at one with directions. It just seemed like a normal school with everyone doing their normal thing. As I waited for my chaperone slash tour guide slash school buddy - jeez, how dorky, I could see students being dropped off in cars, gatherings on the front lawns before people made their way in and all I could think about was how I would rather be at home. I wanted to make my Dad his ice tea when his temperature was up, I wanted to read the comic section from the newspaper to him. Instead I had English, Math, Gym and French to deal with today. I was glancing at the clock and time was ticking. But moments later the door flung open, I heard a splat of liquid on the linoleum floor before I saw a person. I was already grabbing a tissue from my pocket to sink onto my knees and wipe it up.]

It’s okay, I got it. [I let the tissue suck up the coffee splodge and looked up at the… woah it was a guy. He was around my age and looked… exhausted. Handsome was my second thought but first was exhausted. But his smile was welcoming and I got up to my feet.]

You’re my ‘buddy’? [I asked @WhereDorkBegins, my voice accidentally laced with a tone of surprise.] I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I’m Violet.

Hayden

Yeah thats me... [ I answer hearing the surprise laced in  @ViFeelinShy’s voice, offering a smile as I take a couple seconds to fully appreciate how pretty she is, not that I’m not used to seeing a pretty girl but that, I hadn’t been considering a lot this morning apart from getting to school on time to keep my ass out of detention again.] I’m Hayden [ I offer Vi my hand as she stands and it might come across a little awkward, mainly on my part because I’m not sure if I’m keeping it cool, or why it even matters that I do.] Oh you didn’t have to…[I nod to the floor where the coffee spill was seconds earlier] But yeah, thanks. [ I give Principal Roberts a nod before turning my attention back to Violet.] And hey, no problem, I’ll try my best not to be offended I promise. [ I grin around my coffee cup as I take a sip and hope that came across the way I’d intended, suddenly it seems important that I make a good impression on this girl.

Principal Roberts gives Vi his brief introduction of me and how I’m the perfect student to show her around even though my Grade point average could use some improvement. He then jokes rather awkwardly that she could consider tutoring me in Math at some point, given her previous grades at her old school. I would feel bad for @ViFeelinShy but I’m too busy cringing myself and casting an eye to the clock on the wall. I hold open the door for Vi after the principal finally excuses us, not wanting us to be too late for homeroom and would you believe it we both had English together. Vi collects some paperwork from the secretary and joins me in the hall, the hustle and bustle has died away as students can be heard scrapping back chairs and chatting to each other behind closed classroom doors.]

So...that was fun..[ I shake my head with a low chuckle, shifting the weight of my bag on my shoulder.] I swear I’m not usually this wired..[I lift my coffee cup to emphasise my point] Well darn, I am to be honest. Might as well be honest..

[We stop by @ViFeelinShy’s locker and I offer to help with the standard combination, jiggling the door in a certain way when it gets a little stuck.] I had that locker last year...it can be a pain sometimes. [ Another grin her way and I hope I’m not being a total pain in the ass, I have a feeling if I was then Violet would be polite about it.]

So, where did you move from? Its gotta suck starting a new school real late…

[We’re not far from homeroom but there’s still a good ten minutes left and Ms Lockler wouldn’t mind if we were a bit late, given its Vi’s first day.

Vi:

[@WhereDorkBegins was polite enough, I just wasn’t all that good at talking to people that I just met. I got nervous and awkward. Jeez, the therapist was right, the diary was a good idea. But then did that make me my own brand of cuckoo? Hayden guided me through the school like a perfect tour guide, pointing different rooms out, the bathrooms, which people to avoid. I held my bag over my shoulder and clutched my books against my chest until I was shown my locker. Then I felt exposed. I placed the books into the locker that honestly smelt like boy but fortunately not in a disgusting way. More in a “I bathed in aftershave” kind of way. I could cope with that. I’d borrow a hanging scented air freshener from my mom tomorrow to put in here. I liked vanilla. And I digress as usual. I was lost in my own thoughts when I realised @WhereDorkBegins was talking to me. He must have thought I was terribly rude as I stared into space.]

Move from? Oh, Atlanta, Georgia. [I nodded in agreement with the boy, starting a new school this late into the semester did suck. I was brutally aware of people walking past me and staring at the ‘new girl’ but then I was equally aware that the boy in front of me was cute. He’d overdone the gel a little perhaps but he’d still make the centerfold of teenage magazines easily.] To be honest, I’d rather be at home. This wasn’t my choice. [I murmured quietly with a tinge of sadness, leaning against the lockers.]

Hayden

Wouldn't we all rather be at home… [ I grin, tilting my head to catch her eye line.] Actually, I'd rather be playing my guitar, but I'm not exactly the academic type… [We start the walk to home room, I'm holding back a little because I'm in no hurry to get there, enjoying this girls company, even though she's hard to read right now. I wouldn't take kindly to being hauled into a new school either. Lord knows there has to be a good reason for it but I don't want to ask too many questions given that we've just met.

  I introduce her to the tutor and give her arm a gentle squeeze of support as the teacher introduces her to the rest of the class. I slide behind my desk and give her a hopefully comforting smile, easily distracted when #Matt and #Heather start chatting to me.

The bell goes for next class and as everyone files towards the hallway akin to a herd of rampaging wildebeest, I introduce Vi to Matt, Kelly and Heather, wanting her to feel more at ease on her first day.

The morning passes and it turns out we both have the same English and Math class, a fact I'm quietly celebrating that's for sure. When the buzzer for Lunch goes I hang back from my group of friends, catching Vi talking to the teacher, probably on what she's got to catch up on.]

‘You like her don't deny it’ Matt quips as he moves past me, punching my shoulder the way he does. I shake my head but can't stop my smile even as he says it.]

Shut up… Gotta admit she's cute though, no denying it.

‘Yeah, yeah… Way too good for you,man.’

[Another chesty laugh from one of my best friends and bandcmates and I flip him a V, turning quick to Vi as she steps out into the corridor.]

Hey, so lunchtime I usually head to the diner across the street, was just going to check if you wanted to join a few of us…

[ I'm hopeful and maybe a little over zealous here but I wanted to get to know Vi better and I hoped that wasn't coming off too strong.]

Vi:

[@WhereDorkBegins looked after me all morning. He told me who to avoid, student and teacher wise, the sort of people who would have my back. Of course he told me my first choice should be him and his friends. I listened to him talk about music and his guitar. It seemed that we were polar opposites with nothing in common, he describing himself as the non-academic type whereas when I was in the right frame of mind, I liked school and I liked to learn. But he was my ‘buddy’ and nobody else seemed keen to talk to me or build friendships so he was who I had for now. The thing I did like though? His smile put me at ease. I couldn’t work out why but in each lesson he had made sure he caught my gaze, he’d smile and sometimes wink. I was walking behind him down a corridor as we’d just left Math and his friend talked to him - I think he said his name was Matt. I couldn’t hear their conversation but it was obviously hilarious. It was followed by another welcoming smile as I caught up to them. I blinked more than once at Hayden’s question. Not that I’d been asked, well maybe a little but at another concept.]

You’re allowed to leave school grounds here? [I couldn’t believe it.] You got suspended for that at my last school.

[Well done, Violet, you sound like you’re ten years old. My mom had packed a lunch but I could abandon that, or eat it at the diner. Though that’d probably be frowned upon. Then I remembered. I’d been so occupied by school, I hadn’t checked my phone.]

Hold that thought. I’m in, but just give me a second. [I rummaged around my bag for my phone and found it at the bottom. There was a text from my Dad wishing me luck. I’d cherish mundane messages like that. I quickly tapped out a reply.

“School is fine, the people are really nice and helpful. We’ll watch your documentary later. Miss you, Dad. Love Vi” I sent it and shoved it into my pocket. I felt guilty for enjoying my morning of education. There was an hour for lunch but I didn’t know the area well enough to go home for it. So I committed myself to the lunch plans with Hayden and his friends.]

Lets go. [I smiled with a slight unease.] #EndFlashback

[brilliantheartbeautifulmind]

on writing pt. 1 + a beginning

I mistakenly read six chapters from the third section of Stephen King’s book On Writing before realizing that I should, perhaps, check the assignment again. Back I flipped in the book and found the section marked Toolbox. In it, King describes the necessary components found in every writer’s toolbox.  The top shelf, easily accessible, is lined with vocabulary words and grammar knowledge.  The first is unique to the writer: the words we know and use are linked to our background and lifestyle and education.  What matters is not the syllable length or usage level but the comfort we have using the words we do.  If you commonly use large words when you talk, if you are comfortable with their meaning and syntax, then that’s how you should write.  Whether you put purposeful pen to paper every day or not, you still manipulate language through your speech.  Whether through elevating or lowering, altering your normal speech patterns when writing will result in unnatural, stilted narrative.  Grammar is more universal, in that we all use the same, basic rules.  Verbs and nouns combine to make subjects. Adverbs drive Stephen King up a wall. The passive tense should be avoided (yes, that was intentional).  Both grammar and vocabulary should be a tool that you can find blindfolded, in the dark, with one hand tied behind your back.  The handles are well-worn, fitting into the contours of your hand, and polished by constant use.  

The second level is only accessible after steady use of the first.  In this level are found the elements of style, both official and personal.  King talks about general ideas presented in The Elements of Style, but also dives into several specifics such as paragraph length.  Different authors have different paragraph lengths; some may have pages go by before a paragraph break, while others use short, choppy writing to emphasize their writing style.  He leaves the other tools in our individual toolboxes lying about, ready for us to pick up. I thought it would be interesting to list a couple discipline specific tools:

Interviewing -  This skill would mostly be used by journalists, as they often have to work directly with a source.  Interviewing requires treading a delicate line between setting your source at ease and asking hard-hitting questions precisely aimed at their most vulnerable spots. You also have to remember to ask all the right questions – no interviewing a Pulitzer Prize-winning author and forgetting to ask them about their writing schedule!

Disseminating scholarly work – As a writer who most often focuses on academic essays, I have learned that research is a toolbox skill in and of itself.  It’s easy to find short snippets of quotes to pull out of context and use to support your point.  Not quite so simple is understanding the point each author you are researching and accurately incorporating that into your paper.  

Dialogue only – Here, I’m thinking of dialogue specific to playwriting.  While some stage direction is needed and accepted, part of the beauty of drama is leaving certain details up to the director, not the playwright.  This means that you have to convey detail, movement, and setting only through your characters’ speech.

*****************************************************************************************************

The setting sun had finally emerged from the clouds as Emma wandered home, taking the longest way possible. She had stayed at school as late as the teachers would allow, leaving only when the janitor came to the library and kicked her out.  

“You’ve got to leave, Miss Jones,” he said.  “I’m headin home and I gotta lock up.”

She acknowledged his words, packed up her books, and headed toward the door.  

“What time do you get here tomorrow?” she asked.

“Round five, I spose.”

“I’ll see you then.”

That had been forty minutes ago.  She had made a deliberately wrong turn out of the schoolyard and spent at least fifteen minutes backtracking before starting her walk home all over again.  Today, she was challenging herself to walk back using only left turns.  Left on Maple, left on Elm, left again on Cherry.  Why are all the streets in this godforsaken town named after trees, she wondered.  After all, the only trees to be seen for miles around were the scrappy, sticky cedars that were the bane of her existence.  Each year she tried to clear the backyard of the little ones.  Her hands would blister and start to bleed from the rough wood of the shovel, but she managed to stay outside all day long. Every year they returned the next spring and every year there seemed to be even more of them, taunting her with their very existence.  

Emma was so lost in the thoughts of her long vendetta with the cedar trees that she barely noticed the sounds coming from the ditch beside the road.  She had long since left town and was walking along the edge of the gravel road, each treacherous step taking her closer to home.  The faint mewing noises caught a strand of her attention and pulled her to a stop.  She turned around and slowly approached the tattered cardboard box that was lying, half-open, in the ditch.  The noises coming from it sounded almost human, like a baby just waking up.  

“Just keep walking…you don’t want to know what’s in that box,” she murmured under her breath.  “Nothing good in there.”

Her curiosity won out and she carefully lifted one of the flaps to peek inside the box, poised to run at any sign of danger – or snakes.  She let out the breath that she didn’t realize she was holding when she saw the contents of the box.  Three puppies lay on a tiny scrap of faded fabric.  They couldn’t have been more than a few weeks old as they squirmed around each other with their eyes still shut.  

“Oh no! Poor little babies!” She sat down with a bump and tried to take them all in her arms at once.  They immediately started snuggling against her body, trying to absorb the measly amount of heat it was putting off.  “Poor, poor babies.  Left here all alone, no mama around or anyone to take care of you.  It’s ok now, I’ve got you.  Emma’s got you, poor babies.  I’ll be your mama now.”  

She went to put them back in the box but their pitiful cries once she set them down tore at her heart and she picked them up again.  Carrying the puppies in one arm and the box in the other, she set off for home again at a much faster pace.  If I make it home before sundown, she thought, I can hide them in the barn before Father knows I’m home.  Within five minutes she had reached the entrance to the farm yard and hidden her precious cargo in the barn.  She checked and double checked that the puppies were safely hidden in the straw before sighing, turning away, and trudging up to the house.  She rinsed off the dirt that caked her bare legs after the walk from school and shook out the dust from her thin dress.  The house was dirty enough already and since she was the one who had to clean it up, she tried to prevent messes before they could happen.  Realizing that there wasn’t anything else she could do to delay anymore, she grasped the door handle with one hand, placed the other on the door for leverage, and turned the knob as silently as she could.  It wasn’t enough.  

“EMMA.  Finally home, your royal fucking highness?”  The first syllables out of her father’s mouth still made Emma jump but she shook her shoulders back and tried to hide her fear.

“Yes, sir.  I had to stay late after school,” she replied, trying and failing to keep her voice from shaking.

“Oh I see they’ve figured out that you’re as dumb as your whore of a mother.”

“No, sir.  One of the teachers asked me to stay late and help her clean the blackboards.”

“Oh so they’re putting you to work cleaning.  That’s all you’re good for, heh heh.  If those dumb bitches at the school are tryna put my daughter to use, they better pay me.”

“Please don’t call the teachers that, sir.”  She braced herself for the angry response she expected would follow her slight disagreement, but the silence that followed chilled her to the bone.  Every nerve in her body felt like it was on fire and she was aware of every little sound that wasn’t being made.  After an eternity of silence, she let out a shaky breath and turned on her tiptoes to run to her bedroom.  

She walked straight into the waiting form of her father.  Somehow, he had avoided every creaky floorboard and snuck up behind her, waiting for the moment she would let down her guard.  He grabbed her by the throat and pushed her up against the wall.

“Don’t you ever talk to me like that ever again, you hear me?  Ever.”  He hissed the words a few inches from her face, so close Emma could smell the liquor on his breath and see the bits of dinner remaining in his teeth.  “I am in charge here and I take care of your scrawny ass.  You don’t talk back.  You don’t argue.  You do what I tell you.  That’s all. You don’t do anythin else.”

Between the firm grasp on her throat and the stench of her father’s breath, it was hard for Emma to breathe and her father’s face swum in her vision.  She frantically nodded her head, knowing that any other movement would be punished.  The first time he hit her, she had squirmed and tried to get away.  He made sure she didn’t sit down for a week after that. The only option was to do exactly what he said. Just as suddenly as he grabbed her, he released his hold on her throat.  She wanted to double over, gasping for air, but knew from experience that he would only add to her pain.  

“Clean up the kitchen. I’m goin out to the barn.  When I get back, this goddamn house better be clean and you better have your ugly ass in bed.”  Emma stayed pressed against the wall, eyes closed, as she listened to his footprints, audible this time, head toward the door.  The screen bounced against the door frame as he left the house and she finally slumped to the ground.  After so long, tears no longer came, but she waited for them anyway. She allowed herself a few moments of rest before pushing herself off the floor and beginning her task.  

She was halfway through cleaning the disaster zone of a kitchen when she remembered the puppies. It was too late to intervene at this point.  All she could do was hope they would be quiet.  As fast as she could, she finished cleaning the kitchen and hurried to bed.  At some point, the worrying and fear faded to an uneasy sleep.  She awoke in the pale, pre-dawn light and rolled to her side. In a precise line, next to her pillow, were three still, dead forms.