#and a total lack of interest in whatever i'm saying on the phone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

coppernickeldime · 10 months ago

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Fast Car - Pt. 1?

A/N: Okay, I'm totally new to Tumblr (only been here a couple months and have just been binging all the great spn content on here). Let me know if I'm not doing this right, haha. I haven't written fanfiction in like seven years, but this is just an au that popped in my head today and I just had to write it. I mean checkoutclerk!dean??? I'm also new to writing Destiel so any tips are appreciated.

Let me know if you even like this? This is all I've written so far, but if yall think it's worth it maybe I'll dig around and turn it into a full-fledged story.

Pairing: AU Dean Winchester x Castiel Novak

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: None really, a little fluff? Alternate Universe

Summary: Castiel, a journalist just recently relocated to Lawrence, begins having run-ins with the new super-hot grocery store clerk. Both Castiel and Dean have a lot going on in their lives. With Castiel fighting to earn the big writing gigs under his family's broadcasting company and Dean working at the grocery store when he gets off from Bobby's garage in order to have money to send to Sam each week, can they find time to figure out what's going on with this chemistry between them? Not to mention that Dean is just beginning to realize his own sexuality.

Here we go:

"C'mon, little bro. You just gotta wait your turn. You know how it is. You're the lowest on the totem pole right now," Gabriel encouraged through the phone.

"Well, it would be nice if I had a little money left over after paying rent," Castiel grumbled as he grabbed a shopping basket at the entrance of the local Piggly Wiggly. "I was under the impression there would be perks to working for family."

"There are! You just gotta wait it out. Before you know it, you'll be like me. Traveling the world to write the big stories," Gabriel said. Castiel rolled his eyes and huffed a little, turning the corner to begin examining the fruit selection even though he knew he couldn't afford any of the produce there.

When he didn't say anything after a moment, Gabriel continued, "Alright, I gotta get going. There are two very hot ladies who should be showing up at my hotel room any minute now. Adios!" The line went dead before Castiel could reply. With another huff, he flipped his phone closed and shoved it in the pocket of his trench coat.

It had been a long day. Well, actually, it had been a long year. Castiel was under the impression that once he finally made it out of school, he could start getting real journalism experience by working for his distant relative's big time news company.

Heavenly Hosts Broadcast Company was not only the largest broadcasting company in Kansas, but the most well-respected. Though it mainly operated out of Kansas City, the company also owned several smaller stations and newspapers throughout the state. After graduating school, Castiel had been surprised to find out that he would have to move to small-town Lawrence in order to be hired as a writer for HHBC, but he felt he had no room to argue being only a distant relative of the company founder. He was thankful to be working under the well-known company at all; it was better than some of the incredibly small newspapers some of his classmates had ended up at.

However, he realized very quickly just how lonely Lawrence was for him. He had no friends or family there to accompany him, nor any peers who were interested in the same field as he was like he had become accustomed to in college.

Castiel woke up at six AM sharp every morning, had coffee with two over-easy eggs, and headed off to work. Once he got to the news station, he said a polite hello to the receptionist, Hannah, and headed to his office. That was where he spent most of his day, answering emails and researching whatever stories were handed off to him.

Unfortunately, most of the stories he received lacked any real excitement. He thought that after a few months he would be entrusted with stronger headlines, but it had been just the opposite. This was why, after receiving the task of writing an article about the local school cafeteria food from his boss Zach, Castiel found himself graveling to his brother about his low-pay and meaningless work.

He probably shouldn't have even called Gabriel, but who else was there to complain to?

While he shopped, Castiel stewed on all of these things and wracked his brain for any ideas of how to make school lunches remotely interesting. He made his way mindlessly through the store, filling his cart with the same items he bought every week.

"Not much of a chef, are ya'?" A strong voice broke Castiel from his stupor. He blinked repeatedly, suddenly unaware of how he even made it to the counter and added his items to the conveyor. He supposed he was too wrapped up in his thoughts on whether or not it would be acceptable to turn his school-lunch article into something political about how all student lunches should be free.

"I'm sorry?" Castiel asked as he looked up from his groceries. His eyes widened slightly as he met the gaze of the young man behind the counter.

The man chuckled lightly as Castiel's confusion, and Castiel found the corners of his own mouth turning up in response. He wasn't sure what was so funny, but just the sound of this man's laugh made him want to join in. Castiel watched as small lines appeared next to the man's eyes, which he also noticed were a rather unfair shade of emerald. He was just a bit taller than Castiel with wide, broad shoulders, hidden by a dark gray Henley with the sleeves pulled up on his forearms. His store-issued apron hung over his chest quite nicely, Castiel thought, and he tried to avoid thinking about whatever the apron might be hiding of the lower parts of the man's body.

"It just doesn't look like you cook much," checkout-guy clarified, gesturing to the array of microwave meals and quick fixes adorning the conveyor. His words brought Castiel's eyes back up to his face, and that's when Castiel noticed the messily styled Ivy-League haircut as well as the freckles decorating the man's cheeks. He suddenly felt unable to speak.

After clearing his throat and feeling his cheeks flush, Castiel found his words, "Uh, yes. I'm afraid I'm not very well-versed in the culinary arts." A bewildered smile graced the checkout-guy's lips, one of his eyebrows raising.

"Yeah, I'd say so. You know, if you add some Sriracha and an egg to these, it makes them like ten times better?" Checkout-guy said as he held up the ten-pack of easy ramen Castiel had picked out.

"Is that so?" Castiel replied.

Checkout guy nodded thoughtfully, sliding the ramen over the scanner until it beeped before turning to place it in a plastic bag.

"Oh, wait," Castiel said hurriedly, turning towards his shopping cart. He pulled out two reusable shopping bags, one decorated with kittens holding rainbow flags and the other with the HHBC logo on it. Checkout-guy rose his eyebrows a bit as he took the bags, the corner of his mouth rising up in a smirk as he placed the ramen inside the kitten rainbow one.

"It was a gift," Castiel found himself saying, suddenly feeling defensive over the bags. Checkout-guy fully smiled then, shaking his head a bit.

"Hey, no criticism here," he replied, holding the palms of his hands up quickly before going back to scanning. He pointed at the HHBC logo, "Do you work for the station or something?"

Castiel nodded as he watched checkout-guy pay special attention to where he placed the loaf of bread. "Yeah, I'm a writer there."

"Oh yeah?" Checkout-guy said, his brow rising in what Castiel couldn't decide was impressed or shocked.

"Yeah, mostly just small stories for now."

"I get the feelin' you're not too excited about that," checkout-guy said with a small smile. "Is that what you were grumbling about the whole time you were shopping?"

Castiel felt heat rise in his cheeks for a second time. He glanced nervously around the store.

"You could hear me all the way up here?"

"What can I say, buddy," checkout-guy replied, the creases around his eyes showing again as he smiled. "It's almost closing time on a Tuesday. There's not really much else going on to drown out the sound of you talking to yourself."

Castiel realized that he was right; there weren't any other customers in the store and it looked like most of the employees had gone home as well. It was pretty quiet, other than the rock music playing over the store speakers in a low volume. Embarrassingly, Castiel hadn't even realized he had been talking to himself while he shopped, though he wasn't all that surprised considering how enveloped in his thoughts he had been. Plus, he buys the same cheap groceries every week, so waltzing around the store was basically muscle-memory at this point.

"I apologize, it's been a long day," he said as he adjusted his tie.

"Don't apologize, man. I get it," checkout-guy said as he clicked around on the register display. "Your total is twenty-nine thirty-five."

Castiel dug into the pocket of his slacks to retrieve his wallet, which he opened to find the last of his grocery money until his next pay day. There was only a twenty and a five-dollar bill.

Slightly flustered now for more than one reason, he spoke again, "I apologize again, but I'll have to ask you to take off the ramen and the jelly."

Checkout-guy's gaze turned from a look of amusement to something more serious. "How much are you short?" He asked, tapping his fingers mindlessly against the side of the register and leaning forward as if to get a peek in Castiel's wallet.

"I've just got twenty-five," Castiel said, a bit bashfully, and pulled out the bills and showed that his wallet was now empty. "It's alright though, I don't need those things anyway." He really didn't need to have those items, but jelly did make peanut butter sandwiches a lot more appealing, and the noodles were a great change of pace from Banquet microwave dinners.

Checkout-guy shook his head, his lips pursing as if he had already made some kind of decision.

"Nah, don't worry about it. The rest is on me, alright?"

"I couldn't ask you to--"

"You didn't ask," checkout-guy said, his smile returning. "I'm offering. Seriously, I had somebody pay for my coffee in the drive-through this morning. It's about time I return the favor."

Castiel eyed him, unsure if he was telling the truth or just trying to get him to accept the offer. The guy shrugged a bit and stared back at him with a confident smirk.

"Won't you get into trouble?" He asked after a moment.

"No way," checkout-guy assured. "If my drawer is short a few bucks, I'll just pay the balance. Plus, they like me too much around here for me to get into too much trouble." He winked at Castiel as he opened the cash register.

With warmth in his face and a cat-bitten tongue, Castiel handed over his money a bit begrudgingly. "Well, thank you," he managed finally. "That's very kind of you."

Checkout-guy laughed and shook his head, and Castiel wondered what he had said that was humorous.

"Alright, you're all set," the guy said as he handed Castiel his receipt. Their fingers brushed lightly as Castiel took the small slip of paper.

"Thank you, again," Castiel repeated as he began to grab his shopping bags.

"No problem," the guy said. "Have a good one."

Suddenly Castiel found himself wanting to stay in the store all night. He didn't want the sound of this guy's voice or his smile or the brush of his fingers to be over with so quickly.

Castiel nodded in parting and forced himself to walk out to the car.

***

Later that night, Castiel thought maybe he finally thought of a way to write an article about crappy school mashed-potatoes that was worth reading. He was feeling a bit more relaxed after his encounter at the grocery store, though a bit embarrassed about being so flustered by the attractive guy that worked there and being short on cash. Still, there was an ease in his chest that he hadn't felt in a long while, and he was beginning to think that if he could spin this article into something good, maybe he would finally be recognized for his hard-work.

After the groceries were put away, Castiel put on a record of the complete works of Mozart before heading back into the kitchen. As the instrumentals began to play in the background, Castiel loosened his tie before removing it and throwing it over the back of a kitchen chair. It was nearly nine o'clock by now, and he needed to eat something and get to bed.

He made his way around the kitchen quite smoothly, heating water in a pot on the stove while he opened a packet of ramen. As he stood there, watching and waiting for the water to boil, a thought occurred to him. Without much more consideration, he was pulling the eggs from the refrigerator. He had ten eggs left, which would leave him two for every work-day breakfast. After eyeing the water that was beginning to boil for a moment longer, he decided he'd rather be one breakfast-egg short and have a spruced up dinner in return.

So Castiel pulled another pot from the cabinet and filled it with enough water to submerge the egg. He added it to the stovetop, turning the heat on high and leaning against the counter.

He found himself thinking about the checkout-guy again. It had been a long time since he was romantically involved with anyone, so that had to have been why he was so caught of guard by the man's looks and playful personality. Not to mention his generosity, which Castiel was extremely thankful for as he added the noodles into the boiling water.

When the food was done, Castiel sat down at his little kitchen table. It was only big enough for two, but he didn't mind. He hardly ever had company, so the small setting was more than enough for him. He settled for a random hot sauce he found in the back of his refrigerator since he didn't have any Sriracha on hand. He was delighted to find that the checkout-guy had been right; the egg and hot sauce drastically improved the made-in-minutes noodles.

If he ran into the checkout-guy again, he would have to let him know he tried it and ask if he had any more cheap-food improvements.

***

As Dean locked the door to the Piggly Wiggly and began the walk to his car parked in the back of the parking lot, he found himself thinking about the dark-headed journalist that had came through just before close. At first, Dean had wondered if the guy was just a stick-up-his-ass businessman, but after talking with him, Dean decided that maybe the guy was just kind of clueless.

He was funny in a way Dean hadn't quite experienced before, with his talking to himself, frowns, and formal way with words. The guy's blue eyes were stuck in Dean's head, and he found himself wishing he had caught the guy's name.

He wasn't sure why he was so caught of guard by another guy. No use in worrying about it when he would probably never see the guy again, right?

#destiel #destiel fanfiction #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural #dean winchester x castiel #supernatural au #dean winchester #castiel #castiel novak #supernatural fic #spn fanfic

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weekend-whip · 2 years ago

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I’m comin down with something so I wanna ask: what’s it like when the gang gets sick?

(nooooo I hope it's nothing serious!! Get better soon!)

Anyway, the main gang takes sicknesses very seriously, especially because they'll all try to pretend they're not actually sick until they're totally busted. Even being just the slightest bit off is usually enough for one of them to be like "hey, you're not looking so good today, take a break?" and the sick-ee will be like 'nah man I'm good' and then collapse while training.

Zane's usually the main one providing TLC due to being immune from conventional sicknesses...but he's also as strict about bedrest as he is about adhering to school rules. The closest he gets to being sick is when his software needs updating or there's something interfering with his systems.

Cole's probably the one person that doesn't mind being sick because it means he gets to lounge around and be doted on asfghkjgfd. He'll just crawl right back into bed, headphones in, and sleep for a while. Because of this he's also not usually sick for very long; the most he'll be off his feet is for like a day or so, and then it's right back to the grind. (But sometimes he'll pretend to be sick an extra day so Jesse will bring him some extra special homecooked food dfghgf you could've just asked him, Cole)

Jay's probably the most normal one about being sick, and he's the type to wander around in a soft blanket, bemoaning his pain and agony to all within earshot, curled up on the couch watching shows all day, and if he's lucky he can talk Nya into feeding him some soup asfghk. He falls asleep on the couch, and one of the others will carry him back to bed.

Kai and Nya will fistfight their sicknesses. Being sick back in the before-times never stopped them from getting things done (or getting any potentially needed medicine), so they're used to just powering through it. Of course, hypocrites as they are, when the other is sick they'll be doing everything in their power to make sure they rest. Thankfully they have extra hands now.

Lloyd doesn't get sick often either (due to how his energy circulates on top of his melting pot of genes) but when he does he just tries to carry on about his day, but he'll stop talking and just grunts at things. He'll just bump into people when he wants to ask for something, and that usually tips off that something's wrong. They'll ask Lloyd if he wants to rest but he won't say anything because obviously he wants to, but as the Green Ninja he probably shouldn't—and the turmoil's written all over his face so Kai's usually the one dragging him to bed.

Like Zane, Jesse's usually the one doting on others when they're sick, but when he gets sick he just straight up shuts down and turns into a blob that suddenly can't move asdfghjgfd. When he sneezes or coughs, one of his tricks always unintentionally activates (due to using a hand motion to cover up his face) and that has led to some...interesting times. Only likes being doted on by specific people.

Miranda's already under careful watch 24/7, so her getting sick doesn't change much, only that she feels worse and thus is grumpier, especially if Jesse's hovering around because then he goes overboard with the care dfghjkl.

Like Jay, Antonia and Harumi are also pretty normal about getting sick, will skip a day or two of school when needed and just chill. However Antonia will be blowing up Jesse's phone constantly making sure she's not missing anything and Harumi will lose her mind from boredom and the lack of human interaction.

If Garmadon's not around, Olivia has absolutely no problems taking a day for herself and forcing some poor helpless goons to wait on her and bring her snacks, blankets, pillows, and whatever else asdfghjk. If Garmadon IS around–wait, what sickness? She's not sick. Total picture of health. Ready and reporting for duty, Boss.

#ninjago #the lego ninjago movie #tlnm #legacyverse #the ninja legacy whip #k1ng boo #asks from nice people

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another-cliche-title · 10 months ago

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my hot take is basically me just absorbing this post i saw on cohost:

like i dont think we have to go absolutist and make the only acceptable positions "OMGGG UR A DISNEY SHILL" or "If you use my art style or OC i'm Killing You"

(This Is Not My Position Don't Fuck With Me) you Could totally go hardcore with "no amount of alteration makes it acceptable to use someone else's art in the production of other art without permission and/or compensation" and not have it benefit disney/corporations by banning corporations from holding intellectual property altogether and make copyright law a million timers funnier and weirder by making every interaction between artists and corporations that hire them into a ken penders situation. copyright law was intended to only protect individual creators in the first place and this would be a lot better for artists in general

i mean, if u were a musician and some rando used ur song in a amv, you wouldn't care. if apple used ur song in a commercial without compensating you and make one billion off of phone sales, you would def care.

you don't have to chose between "Must I destroy Every Medium or Have Artists Compensated/Get Called 'Disney Shill' By Some Redditor/Please Walt's Corpse"

i think copyright law could be Good if it only benefited creators (and not corporations) and had expanded fair use laws (which limit the ability for scumbags to just Fuck People Over for making a my little pony youtube poop or whatever)

And moving over to AI... obvs we can make a distinction between zillions of artists being exploited to extract bajillions of cash from them and a 12 year old tracing fnaf artwork.

Realistically, IP law is like all law in that a lot of it is straight up just written to protect corporate interests. so a world where disney has to bow down to its own artists would be a pipe dream. anyone can smugly point that out.

And my other concern about AI is that it basically is just a part of the increasing normalization of mass data collection. half of ai defenses are not really that different from "oh boy i do love relevant ads !!". archiving someone's deviantart crap and mass data collection can be seen as the Same Thing Technically but no! it's not!

we can, in fact, have some wiggle room so that random kids can take stuff off of google images without having to ask for the author's permission while zillion dollar silicon valley megagiants can't. in other words, fair use yada yada ya.

a lack of protections/wiggleroom in some areas when it comes to "you MUST ask for permission!" protects you from people who just want to curb stomp other artists, increased protections in some areas protects your work from exploitation in the line of "labor is entitled to all it creates"

i think a reasonable, although imperfect, comparison can be made to goods. if i hold a monopoly on food and withhold it from everybody and you say that's fucked up, you'll be coming from "property is theft". but if you go to "labor is entitled to all it creates", you might say i can keep all the food. we can, of course, have a middle ground where i can get my bread and you can get yours too

the most frustrating thing about AI Art from a Discourse perspective is that the actual violation involved is pretty nebulous

like, the guys "laundering" specific artists' styles through AI models to mimic them for profit know exactly what they're doing, and it's extremely gross

but we cannot establish "my work was scraped from the public internet and used as part of a dataset for teaching a program what a painting of a tree looks like, without anyone asking or paying me" as, legally, Theft with a capital T. not only is this DMCA Logic which would be a nightmare for 99% of artists if enforced to its conclusion, it's not the right word for what's happening

the actual Violation here is that previously, "I can post my artwork to share with others for free, with minimal risk" was a safe assumption, which created a pretty generous culture of sharing artwork online. most (noteworthy) potential abuses of this digital commons were straightforwardly plagiarism in a way anyone could understand

but the way that generative AI uses its training data is significantly more complicated - there is a clear violation of trust involved, and often malicious intent, but most of the common arguments used to describe this fall short and end up in worse territory

by which I mean, it's hard to put forward an actual moral/legal solution unless you're willing to argue:

Potential sales "lost" count as Theft (so you should in fact stop sharing your Netflix password)

No amount of alteration makes it acceptable to use someone else's art in the production of other art without permission and/or compensation (this would kill entire artistic mediums and benefit nobody but Disney)

Art Styles should be considered Intellectual Property in an enforceable way (impossibly bad, are you kidding me)

it's extremely annoying to talk about, because you'll see people straight up gloating about their Intent To Plagiarize, but it's hard to stick them with any specific crime beyond Generally Scummy Behavior unless you want to create some truly horrible precedents and usher in The Thousand Year Reign of Intellectual Property Law

#ai art #ai discourse #ai #another cliche rant #unorganized thoughts

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invisiblerambler · 4 months ago

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My Life is a Cosmic Joke

I need to vent about this, doing it publicly is probably stupid but it's happening anyway, more beneath the cut.

so that networking event I went to last week, someone that I met there offered to give me a tour of his office where he's interning for the summer. I said yes because it's a place I may want to work someday and I was curious. it's a tech company I knew they would have tech company offices. very quickly after I got there I realized this was a thinly veiled pretext to a date. I didn't really care, I figured that would probably be the end of it.

Through planning this visit this guy got my phone number because I texted him to let him know I arrived so he could get me from the lobby standard stuff. a couple days later he texted me asking a follow up question about plans I had said I had made. the plans didn't end up happening, but now there's a dialogue going.

earlier this week he invites me to something else professional. I say yes, maybe this time against my better judgement because I assume maybe this is a group thing. reader it was not in fact a group thing, and I end up going on this tour with him and the guy that worked there. totally fine, the company was interesting and it was a really good learning experience I would not have otherwise gotten.

He had taken a ride-share to this place and I had driven, so he asks me what I'm up to afterwards because it's early evening now. I say I'm planning on heading home but I can drop him somewhere, he's only in town for the summer as of now so he doesn't have a car here.

on the drive it becomes very clear he wanted this to be a dinner date. no plans just hoping I would say yes.

I gently decline saying I have to get home (I do kind of) but I leave the possibility open for future interactions.

I'm driving him back to his office, across town during LA rush hour so it takes a while.

This gives him plenty of time to grill me about my dating history, my life and if I am currently interested.

I VERY RECENTLY had mostly decided to not date men. I haven't dated in years, and absolutely have not dated a man since high school, so whatever out of practice is I'm beyond that.

throughout this drive it is incredibly clear this man is down bad for me. he acts shocked that men do not regularly show interest in me, and I explain most men are not comfortable with my level of ambition.

he says that is what attracted me to him, that I know what I want. all of this is super flattering, but I am still unclear if I am even interested in dating. theoretically, absolutely but now that the opportunity basically has been dropped into my lap I am scared shitless.

when I said that I wanted to pursue a creative career he told me that I could do that while he made the money. he asked me what I thought of essentially being a stay at home wife, and I balked at the idea. and yet I'm still entertaining this.

I have nothing good to say for myself other than I am somewhere in-between blushingly flattered and horrified I am even entertaining anything with a man who repeatedly prodded and questioned my lack of desire to have children.

he always seems to say the right things which is infuriating and things I would normally have as hard nos I'm not ruling out. I am not ready for anything serious, and he accused me of not being able to commit, but I had just begun entertaining the idea of dating again.

the attention is nice I won't lie and pretend it isn't but also being confronted with the reality of dating so soon after I even had the thought of wanting to even open myself up to that again!

my extremely carmy coded reaction is to shut it down, my life is too messy, my trauma too unresolved, I'm not even sure I'm attracted or interested in men

I have never dated people I wasn't friends with, not seriously anyway, and not since high school. I know there's a world in which I just let this play out and hit the eject button at any point I choose (with compassion for him in mind) but this is so far outside my comfort zone that the idea makes my skin crawl.

I know that accepting the attention, going on a few dates and breaking it off is fine! it just doesn't feel fine.

I also want to use the excuse of my career, yes I moved here to live, but I also moved here for a job, for my career. dating is for when i've graduated and made my first shaky steps in the direction I want.

I know life isn't that cut or dry or easy. I just don't want to lose focus. I'm aware it's not an all or nothing and I am not wired to abandon my ambitions.

I wrote all of this just to have my weird and messy feelings about attracting the attention of a man for the first time in nearly a decade, and being completely unsure of how to proceed.

a man being down bad for you actually can feel bad sometimes!

#today in nonproblem problems #i feel like I need to listen to good luck babe on repeat for hours and i'll snap out of it #maybe i understand ayo better now lol #because sometimes a man's intensity can scare you away

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yegas · 6 months ago

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ughhhh me too. in the past I said I wouldn't mind watching a slice of life about knb, and it's still true now ;-; I tried getting into fujimaki-sensei's other manga about baseball....but eh.. it just didn't hook me.. if it were to become an anime though, I think I'd be interested

I think I need to have a listening spree of the new album hahahaha SAME I feel like with their self-titled, they really found their sound.. for me, it's THAT album that got me into them. I still remember the first time I ever saw Afterlife on MTV and what I was doing and how I reacted (and how I fell in love with Synyster Gates hahahaha) did you have a *favourite* member? ngl, I was a total fangirl for Syn (if my previous statement didn't give it away yet 😂) and I still have a reaaalllyyyyy soft spot for him when I look back at my teenage self, but in its entirety I've definitely grown out of it and just respect each band member as a musician and artist

I wouldn't say it's amazing, but more of a convenience. so if you're on your phone most of the time, it's handy to have. although I preferred it in the past where the customization was minimal lmao just so there are fewer things to fuss about.. now you gotta make a theme for a desktop version AND mobile version.. yeah.. and I think most of the users now prefer to just like stuff or passively scroll through the app.. oh true.. before, a mutual's mutual would more often be in the same fandom as you and it was THAT easy. now, it's hard to even begin where to look.. it's nice to see those old posts from time to time. like it's still alive after all these years 😂 (lol yeah on other social media, a post either dies out or is reposted—which I find really annoying. I see the same post 10 times but from different usernames..like talk about originality) I was on twitter for a while until it became X which sucked 🫤

awww hahaha gotta thank that stray cat 😂

thank you so much, I appreciate it 🥺 I've been doing some journaling.. I guess it's helping.. and just trying to ground myself with things I used to enjoy and surrounding myself with good company. though I really wish there was a fast forward button for recovery

really i didn't know he had a baseball manga! now that you mention baseball, have you seen diamond no ace? i remember watching quite a few episodes but i don't think i finished it, i think it was ongoing back then when i was watching. i wonder if i should get back to it...

DONT TELL ME YOU ALSO DISCOVERED THEM ON MTV LMAOOOO i saw the nightmare video there for the 1st time and got hooked !!! that's so funny, mtv used to be pretty good, found a bunch of bands on there back in the day. and yea i totally get you, syn was definitely the coolest!! i don't think i had a fav member but i found matt the most attractive back when he had super short hair >.> but when i saw them live in 2013 he had long hair so that was unfortunate hahahaha. what other bands are you into?? i've been obsessed with dir en grey lately if you don't know them you gotta check em out trust me on this one :p

wtf a theme for the mobile version, that sounds like a hassle. yep definitely ends up being like the more new features they introduce on social media, the more cumbersome everything gets, cause it seems like they don't even think em through more often than not..

you know what, another thing i find refreshing about tumblr nowadays is the lack of reels/shorts/tiktoks whatever they call short form videos lmao idk abt you but i never really got into them (unless they include some cute animals lol)

it seems like you're handling it in a healthy manner, i'm rly happy to hear that! 🌸 i know what you mean, but you really gotta take it a day at a time, it's gonna be much better for you in the long run than if you were to bottle up everything and "force" healing. you'll see, soon enough you'll be surprised to find yourself not even thinking about the person for several days. it happens naturally somehow, and you'll be an even stronger person mentally for having dealt with everything this way

#replies

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magicalghail-blog · 1 year ago

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You wouldn't know

I always thought about what should come first. If loving yourself first, or like what we all usually do, loving everything before anything. When I say everything I meant everything. People, money, love, luxury, work, and drugs. Something like what we do just to feel better, but somehow shows the part where we lack discipline.

I was thinking, does something really have to go first, or we can just learn the rest later? I needed an escalated thinking about kinds of stuff like these because every time I've been questioning myself it always leads to ironic thoughts in my head, which is probably the main reason why I've been jilted obnoxiously by the guys I dated before.

There was a time when I was so lost and naive that I decided to meet up with my old love back in junior year. I was so fascinated by him back in my junior days; I remembered taking photos of him whenever I saw him on campus and video recording him walking around like I was a paparazzi; that is when I knew that I like him so much, and I know that he is aware of my feelings for him because I was so vaguely showing my love for him and even give him some money for some sort of school fund that they are raising at that time, so look at the sugar mommy right now.

When we meet again after so many years I know something really changed about him. The way he talks to me is totally different than before, at that day we decided to go to the mall together to pick up some of his personal stuff; he treated me like a princess and made sure I was fine from time to time, and when he drove me home that night I was completely blissful it felt like a dream. After weeks of going out together, I figured out that I'm starting to like him again, but a little harder this time, like a little crazy. One day he invited me to their house to hang out, which imprudently drives me crazy because he actually introduces me to his family as a friend! And I was like, "He is so damn dead in love with me." Snapped out my phone texting relentlessly like an actual couple day and night: making out and having fun, watching movies, and sharing music. At that time I know that I found a person who I can actually spend time with and just be blissfully imbecile and transparent.

Although it seems like this is the perfect time for the both of us, I know that he genuinely likes me this time, by his actions and all, and he even said that he loves me really because I was willing to have his child ironically. After everything that happened suddenly one day, he just stopped contacting me, and after months of talking and spending time together, everything drift completely, and the depressing days have come into my life continuously. I was totally devastated by him, it hurt so much that I couldn't accept what he had done to our connection, which I totally kept safe and happy; I put on my best effort to keep him interested in me even If nothing is interesting in my life, which added weight to my baggage for a long time because maybe he wakes up, and he figured out that I was no fun at all, and I was just a girl who likes him so much in a junior year: that he can just spend some moment together until he doesn't feel like doing it anymore.

Years have gone by, and a lot of realizations come into my mind about the situation I had with my junior love: he doesn't have his life figured out that much at the time that we two are dating, and I depended on everything on him because at those times I felt differently happy. I was so thrilled by the bare minimum that he was feeding me at that time, but I come to realize that maybe I was starving for affection because I don't love myself completely. He could do whatever he wants to do with his life without me being affected by his choices; he can cut me off completely without me feeling devastated because I love myself enough for me to be happy and not depend my happiness on anyone in this world unreluctantly which what I actually failed to do at those time.

And as I write this letter, I realize that anything could be possibly unnecessary when it comes to loving ourselves, and somehow nothing will ever be sufficient or accurate because that's just how it is until it doesn't feel right anymore. It will always feel like we can make it up to ourselves later when we know that we are already crashing from the sky of life and wondering how we ended up here. I hope one day you can enthusiastically love yourself more than anyone did because you deserve it, and just so you know that you have the strong will to choose and do it. Just in case you don't know because there is a lot of time in our life that you just wouldn't know.

#creative writing #women writers #writers block

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rendnotmyheart · 8 months ago

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✋ one of the friends who likes JGY here, and I also dislike Dazai, so I'm going to chime in, too. I honestly don't think JGY and Dazai are all that similar? Like yes they both manipulate people and put on a mask, but it's coming from very different places and within very different contexts of the narrative.

Like JGY's manipulation and mask come from the fact that he has this rage and vindictiveness inside him that he will have his birthright. And honestly, he's justified in that feeling. It's complete and utter shit and horribly unfair that he was constantly cast aside, beaten down, and ridiculed simply because of the situation of his birth. Should he have done the gruesome murders and shit? No, but I understand and sympathize with his anger at the unfairness of his life. Plus, I love LXC and I refuse to believe he was completely wrong about JGY, which leads to a slightly more sympathetic interpretation of JGY's character overall. Also, the unfairness of society is a major theme in MDZS anyway, so that also primed me to sympathize more with him. Still, I hate where JGY ended up, I hate how his justified anger at the unfairness of his life soured to rationalize horrible deeds in the name of "I had no other choice!" Like, dude. Come on.

Dazai's manipulation and mask, on the other hand, come from his feeling of detatchment and otherness. He thinks he doesn't have whatever makes other people human, so he fakes it. He also thinks him lacking this thing makes him better at being rational and analytical, hence the manipulation. This I actually find very interesting, and I've grown to like Dazai's character, and I also loveeeee skk. But I don't like Dazai. And there's one main reason. Akutagawa. FUCK Dazai for how he treats Akutagawa for real. What did he do to deserve that??? Dazai is so unnecessarily cruel to him, and I hate him for it. Like the phone scene? Fuck that.

JGY ends up doing horrid things bc he cares too much. Dazai does bc he cares too little. And bc beneath all the fucked up reasoning and thin justification for his actions, I sympathize with JGY's core motivation of "my life is fucking unfair," I don't dislike JGY the way I dislike Dazai. Bc I don't sympathize with Dazai's core motivation. "Oh Akutagawa reminds me of the worst of myself." Ok? Stop being a coward and fix your mistakes. Say what you will about JGY, but he had drive. Dazai runs away (which I find very interesting from a character analysis standpoint, but I hate him bc of the specific way it makes him so callously cruel to Akutagawa, specifically) (Also, I find Dazai annoying, so).

Anyway TL;DR, my like of JGY and dislike of Dazai is, of course, completely subjective and biased. I like JGY bc I find his character interesting and sympathetic, in so far as if he hadn't been taken it that far, I would have totally forgiven him for a couple murders. Dazai I find interesting and sympathetic as a character, too, but he very personally annoys me and is callously cruel to one of my favorite characters, so I hate him.

so i have a question that i swear is meant with complete sincerity (i just want to preface that because i know some people send shitty passive aggressive asks and i dont wanna be misunderstood).

I dislike dazai a lot and for most of the same reasons that you do but i also really dont like jgy for basically all the same reasons. I just know you're a big jgy fan but you really hate dazai and i was wondering how you reconcile those feelings? i assume we just have different interpretations of jgy (mdzs is a vast piece of media and there's a lot of different ways to interpret each character) but i've just been getting more and more curious so i wanted to ask. to be clear, i think it's totally okay to like jgy! the same way i think its okay for dazai fans to like dazai, they're just fictional characters. so this is in no meant as an attack or an 'ah ha!' moment. i just sort of don't understand liking one character and not the other when to me, all of their worst traits are the same and jgy has actually done far worse things than dazai (like murdering his own son)

i hope my ask isnt upsetting at all. you mentioned before liking to discuss meta so i really just want to introduce a conversation and maybe understand your perspective a bit better

Firstly, thank you so much for your polite ask!

I just wanna clear something up – I am not a Jgy fan XD. I see where one might think that, but I can guarantee you, I wanted him dead as fuck and I do not condone his atrocities.

Now, I do have some friends who have talked to me about Jgy, and they're Xiyao and Nieyao fans, respectively, so by talking with them, I have come to understand better some parts of Jgy's character, which have made me more forgiving towards some of his actions. Emphasis on some. Like you said, he and Dazai share the same annoying/frustrating traits, like the fact that they're lying liars 😊

I do appreciate Jgy as a character much more than I do Dazai though, that is correct, and I guess it's because of their narrative roles. Jgy has a very solid and interesting position in mdzs – in a world where social standing is such an important part of the story, the genius, bastard son of one of the wealthiest clans is constantly kicked down (lol couldn't resist), because the system has decided he doesn't deserve the same power as his half-brother, simply because of his birth situation.

And the narrative stays true to it! Time and time again, he is shut down, even when he goes to Lanling with Nie Mingjue's recommendation letter, even when he kills Wen Ruohen, even when he is married to secure his status, fate has fucked him over. It's like trying to watch Icarus reach the sun because he feels he is entitled to it.

Plus, I'm a huge Nieyao fan XD in a "they could have totally gotten married and lived happily ever after, but nooo; some of us have daddy issues *glares at jgy*"

So, this is the reason my posts have stopped being so antagonistic to Jgy, as I like to live in a delusional world where they've reincarnated in the modern world, jgy has some morals, and 3zun is happy 😇

Now, Dazai, on the other hand, I simply can't stand him. Nothing about his story or personality makes me go even as far as "yes, and?" I don't care for him as a character (though I get how he is appealing to people). I don't understand his actions 90% of the time. Plus, his actions are also frustrating and make me mad.

Like when Chuuya used corruption and he was like, "take me back at the place," and Dazai just left his ass there. "Oh, but that's their dynamic," yes, well, it annoys me. Plus, his whole thing with Akutagawa drives me up a wall because how dare you??? Motherfucker??? His first words to Akutagawa after 4 years live in my head rent-free because you could have shown that you became a better person, but nope. Still a dick. "Oh, he did that to set up the rivalry with Atsushi," you know how Beast Dazai did that? Set them up on a date. Boom. Take notes.

I also personally think Dazai either doesn't get Akutagawa fr, or he simply doesn't care to do so because Akutagawa flourishes with encouragement, it's actually sort of insane to see. Anyways. Went on a tangent there.

So yeah, Dazai is annoying, his personality sucks, he's a manipulative bastard, and he is mean to my baby :(

#i really think my being sympathetic towards jgy comes from really liking lxc and believing that he wasn't wrong about jgy #at least not completely wrong #he didn't see the whole picture but i refuse to believe that there wasn't something real there #that whatever lxc saw in jgy wasn't completely fake #and honestly i think that's where my more sympathetic feelings for jgy come from #bc if jgy really did care about lxc. if he really did have that kindness underneath that lxc saw #then what is jgy's story if not some great shakespearean tragedy wherein his ambition led to his downfall?#things could have been different if he chose differently. if he acted more in line with the kindness lxc saw #instead of the anger and hatred and ambition that had been festering inside him for years #dazai i hate very specifically bc of akutagawa. and bc i find dazai annoying (when he's not with chuuya)#but i loveeeee skk #reading the fifteen arc definitely made me appreciate dazai's character in a way i hadn't before when i had just watched the show #bc dazai and chuuya are fucking hilarious in the fifteen arc #jin guangyao #the untamed #bungou stray dogs

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kyovtani · 4 years ago

Text

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 – 𝐤𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 (𝟐)

— pairing: Kyoutani Kentarou x female Reader

— genre: smut, angst, little bit of fluff to keep the balance; tattoo artist!kyoutani, inexperienced!reader, strangers to lovers!AU, SLOW BURN

— word count: 9.6k

— warnings: swearing, mentions of infidelity and violence, as well as the consumption of drugs and alcohol; smut: corruption kink, degradation and dumbification, dacryphilia, praising, spitting, (soft) dom!kyou, oral (m. receiving), fingering, dry humping, unprotected sex (dont do that kids), impreg kink, iwaoi say hi-

— (A/N: and here’s part two! thank you SO much for all the love you sent my way after i published the first part. ngl i was a little nervous bc i thought it was boring and not interesting at all but you guys easily pushed me out of that hole so thank you for everything. i love and appreciate you with my whole heart. all the love, zade xx)

[ part one ]

— summary: after fucking up, you make it your mission to get him back..(im so bad at this pls just- okay.)

"He's not picking up, Hana", you say, another soft cry falling from your lips before you bury your face in your pillow.

“Once in my fucking life a guy treats me good and the way I've always wanted to be treated and I had to fuck it up. Why the fuck am I like this, Hana? Why can I not enjoy one fucking good thing in my fucking mediocre life", the profanities keep coming just like the tears and the amount of frustration and anger rushing through your veins is nowhere near normal anymore.

"Calm down, love", Hana sighs and makes you sit up so she can look into your tear stained face as she tries her best to make sure her words actually find their way to your pain clouded mind, "at this point you shouldn't worry too much because you do know Kyoutani, don't you? He does lose his temper a lot, so give him the time he needs and then you'll show up at his doorstep, suck his cock and make up with him, yeah?", she explains calmly.

"If this hurts you so much, why the fuck did you even say he's just a friend, Y/N? I really don't understand", Hana mumbles and lets out another sigh, her hands caressing yours softly, managing to calm you down a little bit.

“You're right, I should just– give him some time and things will eventually fall into place", you reply after crying a little more and with an encouraging smile your best friend nods at you before she suggests a movie marathon to which you happily agree.

At least something to distract you from all the demons inside your head.

After changing into your pj's and doing your night time routine, you plop down onto the couch next to your bestie again, her eyes focused on the phone in her hand and knowing she's probably either sexting or inviting her new boyfriend has you shrugging at her lack of attention as you start looking for a good movie to begin the night with.

However, just when you're about to read the description of some kind of french rom-com, Hana puts her phone back into her lap and starts staring at you with her pretty eyes widened in shock.

"What's wrong?", you ask and turn to look at her, reaching for her hands but before you even get the chance to touch her, Hana unlocks her phone and holds it up for you to watch someone's instagram story.

The video begins with loud music, a crowd full of young college students whose faces definitely are familiar.

Everyone in the video is dancing, making out, smoking and just chatting in a random living room and every now and then there's someone yelling in the back – a typical college party.

However, just as the video is about to end, the camera shifts to a tall male leaning against the wall, obviously standing really close to the person who's filming and it takes you a full blown thirty seconds to realize who said male is.

Kyoutani Kentarou.

You stare at the phone for another minute, your throat dry and your head empty as a thick veil of tears slowly starts blurring your sight before you finally decide to pay attention to the username.

"He can't be fucking serious", you hiss, fisting the blanket beneath you, the urge to punch something or someone becoming unbearable, "what the fuck is he doing at a random college party with – Sora?"

"Y/N, don't–", "Whose party is that?", you interrupt your best friend, not giving a single fuck about her attempts to calm you down; not anymore. Hana gulps harshly and strictly avoids your gaze as she mumbles a name and you roll your eyes, asking her to speak up with an annoyed sigh.

"It's one of Yuuji’s frat parties", and as soon as your best friend says the name of your ex-boyfriend, a cold shiver of disgust runs down your spine and you can feel yourself getting lightheaded from all the emotions rushing through your overwhelmed body.

"Don't follow me if you're going to stop me from leaving, Hana", you say and stand up before quickly disappearing inside your room.

You have no idea how you manage to get dressed, your outfit consisting of a pair of jeans and a hoodie you can't even remember buying and you don't even wanna think about what your hair and face look like when you end up leaving the house with your keys and your phone.

After driving this route for over two years on an almost daily basis, it takes you less than ten minutes to arrive in front of the huge house your ex-boyfriend lives in.

The memories start finding their way back into your head way too fast, taking away your breath and numbing your whole body because even if you didn’t love Yuuji anymore, the bitter feeling of betrayal still manages to hit you in just the right way.

It takes you a lot of willpower to actually approach the house and eventually get in. And after being in between the crowds of drunk, stinky college students, you remember why you hate college parties so much.

"I – Wow”, a familiar voice manages to break through the loud music, your instant reaction just an annoyed eye roll, “you were the last person I expected to see at one of our frat parties", Yuuji says and comes to stand in front of you.

His blonde hair messily falling into his handsome face and from the way his whole face seems to be covered in the deepest shade of red – including his eyes – you know that he's probably higher than the stars and you can't help but sigh.

"I'm not here to party, Yuuji", you hiss, feeling the anger crawl up your spine again the longer you look at your ex, "my boyfriend is here and I have to talk to him."

"So you and that tattooed guy are actually a thing? Didn't think so since he, you know – showed up with another girl", Terushima mumbles and pulls out a cigarette from his pocket, a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Yuuji", you spit back and roll your eyes, taking in the way the pretty boy arches his brows up in pure shock at your rather new attitude, "go and get high or whatever you do to feel proud of yourself", are the last words you say to him before you walk away, your heart thrumming inside your throat.

Your eyes roam the huge crowd, desperately searching for the only face you wanna look at right now and you try to remember where they were standing in the video Sora had posted only to realize that you can't remember.

After all you only watched the video once, your whole attention laying on Kyoutani. And after almost fifteen minutes, you find yourself slowly giving up.

Maybe this was just not meant to happen or maybe Kyoutani has left already.

He probably left with Sora- something you can’t and won’t ever blame him for.

After all she's literally one of the prettiest and hottest girls you have ever seen – anyone who rejects her would be out of their mind (or not attracted to girls which isn't the case when it comes to Kyoutani).

You give it another ten minutes of desperately looking around before you let out a deep sigh which gets lost in the loudness and thick air of the party before you finally start making your way back to the front door.

You quickly walk back to your car, trying your best to ignore everyone around you, especially all the drunk guys who are currently about to get into a verbal fight over something totally random and the last thing you want to experience those threats becoming reality.

At some point you're scared they might even include you which is probably why you end up literally sprinting and even though you always park so far away from frat houses just because you've heard way too many stories of people getting their cars stolen during parties, but right now you just wished you would have listened to your gut feeling and parked in front of the fraternity like every normal person.

However, to your life long luck, you spot a tall figure standing a little too close to your vehicle just as you’re about to unlock it. You slow down your movements almost instantly upon seeing the stranger, yet your eyes still try to figure out if it's someone you know despite the darkness surrounding the two of you.

He has probably spotted you by now, after all you're still panting like crazy from speed walking down to where your car is and it takes you a full minute to realize how loud you're actually being.

"Y/N", the male suddenly says, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine and even though it could have been everyone, it sounds a tad bit too familiar to your ears which is probably why you end up approaching him slowly.

"It's me, Kyoutani", he adds and at the same moment the words leave his lips, you finally recognize his pretty features which seem extra beautiful underneath the bright moonlight.

And then realization hits you.

"How did you know–", "Hana called me and asked if I could make sure you got home even if I didn't want to talk to you. So, here I am. Get in the car so I can tell her I did my part of the job", he interrupts you quickly, obviously not having the intention to interact with you and the way his usually so tender-filled eyes and calming voice are nothing but ice-cold has a thick veil of tears blurring your sight.

Never ever did you think about the moment, where Kyoutani puts the cold mask on he loved to hide behind when he had first looked at you all those weeks ago.

And the longer he avoids your gaze, the heavier the burden on your chest becomes.

"I'm sorry, Tani", you whisper, your voice breaking at the end, easily giving away how much his cold demeanor has gotten to you.

“Of course you're not just a friend to me and I d-don't know why I introduced you like that, everything happened so quickly and I – panicked. It's not an excuse and does not justify my behavior but I just wanted you to know that you've always been more than just a friend to me", you continue, managing to keep talking upon realizing that Kyoutani won't interrupt you and the way he even listens to you with his eyes looking everywhere but yours is absolutely enough for you.

"What am I to you then, Y/N? Am I the guy you're casually fucking? Your booty call? Am I your second choice? Like what the fuck do you expect me to say? I know we never put a label to – this", he starts pointing at you and then himself, "but you knew I was serious about it, about you. So, I just don't understand why you would even think about considering me a friend. I told you that I am not one for that friends with benefits kinda shit and you agreed yet you did this and now I can't help but be convinced you just used me to get that Yuuji fucker.”

Kyoutani is angry and he doesn't even try to hide it as he spits out those words, the ones he’s probably been dying to say out loud for the past few days and you know he has every right to actually be mad at you, his words still hit you in a way you didn't expect them to.

"I'd never do that to you, Kentarou; I'd never use you like that, please believe me", you say quickly, a little surprised you're even able to form proper sentences.

“You m-mean so much to me and I just don't know how to put it into words. My heart hurt so much when I watched you type your number into Sora's phone but the demons in my head, they just kept talking over my heart and – I'm just really sorry, Kyou, I really am", you sigh and after realizing that he's not going to look at you, you finally manage to shift your gaze away from his pretty face.

"Go home, Y/N. It's been a long day for both of us and I think some more distance will help me get my mind straight", Kyoutani replies after a long, torturous beat of silence lingering in the cold air and even if it wasn’t the reply you had hoped to hear, you're glad he's at least not completely ending it.

"Okay b-but at least let me drive you home?", you ask softly, wiping away the few tears which had managed to escape and when you look up at the beautiful faced male in front of you, his eyes meet you for the first time since what feels like forever and you feel yourself melting away.

"I don't think that's a good idea, pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, the soft pet name sending your mind into the sweetest haze of comfort just like that, "it's only been a few days but I am craving your touch and I just know I'm going to lose it and fuck you against the next best surface if we get into that car together, so I have to decline this offer", he adds and takes another step back, his lips stretching into a tiny smile and you can’t deny how much his words have you gotten you worked up, but you have no choice but to nod.

"Have a good night, baby", Kyoutani sighs and deep down you're hoping for a kiss, after all it's been way too long since you got to feel close to him but instead, he just lifts his hand up and starts waving at you and just as he is about to turn around, you find yourself reaching for his wrist. The fear and despair inside of you making you a little too brave for your personal liking but you know you can't just let him walk away like that.

"Please, Tani- Kyoutani", you whisper and let out a soft sigh of relief when he turns around to face you again, "I won't try anything, I just want to spend a little bit more time with you."

Kyoutani takes a deep breath, his dark eyes roaming your face and wandering down your body and even though it feels like he's literally devouring you alive, you enjoy his burning gazes regardless, a hidden part inside of you even craving them.

A solid minute passes by before he lets out a sigh and gives you a nod, his plump lips pressed into a thin line.

It takes you another deep breath and a couple of seconds to actually calm yourself down from the rollercoaster of emotions you've been through within the time span of an hour and as you sit there in your car, inhaling the cold air of the night, your mind starts replaying everything that went down, starting from the day you met Kyoutani, to your first and most recent kiss, as well as the encounter with Sora and your deep anger towards Yuuji.

The drive to Kyoutani's apartment passes by in a blur, way too fast for your liking and you can't help but pout when you pull up in front of the huge building, knowing very well that this will be the last interaction with the handsome tattoo artist for the upcoming few days and you can already feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

He's been awfully quiet, not like you actually said anything but Kyoutani's silence was intense, boring into your soul and actually suffocating you to a point where the urge to just jump out of the car became overwhelming.

You know he's probably going through everything just like you, yet the feeling that his thoughts are more on the negative side just won't leave you alone and you hate the way your assumptions are being confirmed as soon as Kyoutani turns to look at you.

"I – love you, Y/N", he suddenly says, his voice soft and calm, yet still deep and the way it's filled with tenderness and the sweetest bit of longing makes the effect of those magical words even heavier.

Your lips part in shock, your head having a difficult time actually processing his confession and you can feel your whole body going into a standby mode.

"But you're not good for me."

You remember the way your heart broke into thousands of pieces when you found out the alleged love of your life was cheating on you without even batting an eye.

The pain was so intense and heavy, you didn't know how to deal with it and at some point you were convinced that your heart had stopped beating for a solid minute. It was bad, left you speechless and threw you into a hole of darkness you barely managed to escape from, yet still leaving you grateful for the experience.

You thought your first heartbreak would be able to prepare you for what's to come in the future, but what you went through as soon as those words had fallen past Kyoutani’s lips, can't be compared to anything you've ever felt before.

Your heart starts clenching as his words keep replaying inside of your head and your throat so is going absolutely dry from your desperate attempts to gasp for air as the feeling of being suffocated comes back.

Everything around you seems to disappear, your eyes still focused on Kyoutani's intense gaze as the feeling of emptiness starts filling up your whole body.

You easily lose track of time, your heart beat so slow and heavy and when the wave of reality crashes you yet again, an almost inaudible sob falls past your lips.

"B-But...", you can't get yourself to speak, the words getting stuck in your throat and soft cries the only thing filling the inside of your car.

And yet, there are so many things you want to tell him, so many things rushing through your mind at the highest speed, almost impossible to grasp them and actually put them into proper sentences.

"You have too much control over me. I lost myself trying to fit into the picture of a lover you need and deserve. But – I am not who I used to be anymore”, Kyoutani explains, nervously rubbing the sides of his pierced node with his thumb as he avoids looking in your direction at all costs.

“I am scared of losing what's obviously not mine. You make me feel weak and vulnerable and I just can't deal with it. You've become the center of my world, and I can't control how much it affects me. How much you affect me and – I hate it", he continued, his voice is still incredibly calm, yet a bittersweet tone of fear coating every single one of his words.

"B-But...", yet again, the whole of your vocabulary seems vanished, not one word to say as the knot in your throat tightens even further.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I thought I could do it but – I am not meant to love and you deserve to be loved in the most special way possible”, he takes another quick break, letting out a sigh of exhaustion, “and that's why I'm letting you go. Please, don't hate me. Take care and – goodbye, my love.”

Those are his last words before he presses his lips against your forehead, making your head spin like crazy because of the contrast of his heartbreaking words and his soft kiss.

Kyoutani leaves without saying another word. He doesn't even look back once as he walks away and enters the apartment building, while you can't stop staring at the door with hot tears streaming down your cheeks and loud sobs filling the suffocating air surrounding you.

There you are, yet again.

Your eyes staring into the dark night as your body tries to cope with the intensity of pain you've thought you had overcome.

The constant breaking of your heart starts numbing every part of your body and you slowly start losing yourself in this certain kind of darkness.

Seconds turn into minutes and without even realizing, a whole hour has gone by with you staring into nothing.

Your mind plays games with you as it keeps replaying his words, his behavior, his kiss and the feeling of slowly but certainly going insane as you get out of the car a little too fast.

You tumble back, the sudden coldness hitting you right in the face and the mental as well as physical exhaustion has your body trembling.

And then it hits you.

The wave of anger, wrath, frustration and hatred literally wakes you up, pulls you back into reality and ends up taking over you completely.

Your eyes find the huge apartment building Kyoutani lives in, staring at it as if you could set it on fire and you know what you're about to do is a bad idea but your body acts before your mind can even get the chance to intervene.

And that's how you find yourself almost brutality slamming your fist against Kyoutani's door, your heart hammering against your rib cage way too fast for it to be still physically healthy and ten thousand different thoughts rushing through your chaotic mind.

"What the fuck is going – Y/N", Kyoutani looks at you with his pretty eyes slightly widened in shock, his lips parting as he struggles to keep his eyes on you and a disgusting feeling of shame and embarrassment starts filling you up.

You know this is pathetic, you are aware of how stupid you look standing in front of him like this but you just can't get yourself to actually care about it.

"Y/N, please don't-", "No, I listened to what you had to say and now I'm going to talk and you're going to listen to me. Before that I am not going anywhere because I deserve this", you cut him off, hands balled into fists as you try to stay calm but the more you think about his words in the car, the angrier you get.

"I–", Kyoutani sighs, his eyes nervously roaming your face and upon noticing the way you seem to shiver from the cold and your lack of clothing, he lets his conscience get the best of him, "alright, come in then.”

You follow him inside, the familiar scent of vanilla and Kyoutani's favorite febreeze scent filling your nose and you hate the way how comfortable you are.

After all you've been spending quite some time in this apartment; visiting him after your classes so he could bury his face between your legs and then offer you some homemade food, followed by a good old ghibli movie and lots of cuddles has become some kind of routine.

Oh, how you hate him for ruining all of those memories.

"Do you want something to drink? You're probably freezing", he offers, his voice filled with concern and you know he is right and you'd definitely give everything for a cup of tea and maybe some water, you still shove all of your body’s basic needs into the very back of your head and try to regain your composure.

"I – you – we", you take a deep breath, your mind struggling to put all of those racing thoughts into some kind of order, yet failing miserably.

But there's so much you want to say to him; so many things you want him to hear and now that you are actually standing in front of him, your body betrays you.

"You're a fucking coward, Kyoutani Kentarou", is the first thing you finally manage to let out, "and I hate you for leaving me like this. I fucking hate you.”

Deep down, you hate yourself for saying those words; the choice of words and the incredible heaviness they come with are usually not your way of expressing yourself yet you're not regretting them.

You don't know how this night is going to end, maybe this will be the last time you get to see Kyoutani or he'll eventually fuck you into oblivion and you finally end up together; but nevertheless you want your words to hurt him; you want them to wake him up just like his did to you.

"How dare you confess your love to me and tell me I basically ruined your life in the same breath when you're the one who's fucking all of this – us up. Yes, I’ve made a mistake and I've been regretting my choice of words for the past four days, even came to the point where I accepted your distance and decided to let go because I know how much my words hurt you. But us ending like this? Definitely not going to happen", Kyoutani stares at you with his pretty eyes focusing you attentively, barely blinking, not moving at all; he’s just listening to you.

"I just – don't understand how you can be this oblivious."

"Oblivious? Oblivious to what?", he asks, his voice a little deeper and raspier, sending goosebumps straight dow your spine as if your body needed to remind you the effect he has on you.

"Oblivious to everything. This is what love does to people, Kentarou. Of course you're going to feel weak and vulnerable because of me - because of the one you love. After all the point of being loved and loving someone else is showing those vulnerabilities and weakness to the person you trust the most because you know, or at least you hope, they won't take advantage of it.”

You take a deep breath, your mind slowing down as you ease yourself into his calming embrace and subconsciously losing yourself in the comfort it comes with.

“I'm yours. I've been yours since the very first day and we both know this, that's why you are so scared of losing me. And that's why my words hurt you so much”, you can tell that he’s already processing your words as much as he can; his habit of scratching the back of his head giving him away easily.

"You said you've lost yourself trying to fit into this picture of someone who I deserve but – you are the one who created that picture in the first place. Just because my first boyfriend was an alleged goody two shoes doesn't mean that you have to be like that too. Fuck that", you hiss, the thought of Kyoutani changing even the slightest bit about himself sending jolts of anger through your veins, "I don't care if you dropped out of college or that you have tattoos and piercings and bleach blonde hair. None of that matters to me because it's you, your kind heart and your pure soul I fell in love with.”

And suddenly - you can feel the burden on your shoulders disappear when those certain words leave your lips and the second Kyoutani raises his eyebrows in slight surprise before he locks eyes with you again has another breath of fresh air run through your suffocated lungs.

"Yes, I'm in love with you, Kyoutani Kentarou. Believe it or not, but for me, you're perfect just like this, with all your tiny habits and every single tattoo. There's nothing I'd change about you and I'm genuinely, truly sorry if I ever made you feel like you needed to change for me. You're a great guy and I guess that's why I ran back here after sitting in that car, crying for an hour because I couldn't stop thinking about the way you confessed your love to me”, you feel the thick veil of tears appear before they manage to block your sight, making the pretty face in front of you turn into bourry little pixels as your emotions overwhelm you.

“And yes, you are meant to be loved; maybe not meant to be loved by me but you deserve to be loved, do you hear me?"

You go up to him, closing some of the distance between the two of you before your finger darts out and poke his strong chest, trying to ease the tension after letting go of all those thoughts, "you deserve to love and to be loved because you're a good person. And I just – wanted to thank you for letting me into your life. Meeting you, getting to know the beautiful person you are has been one of the best things that has happened to me and I will cherish these memories forever."

And with those words you take a deep breath, let out another sigh, goving away your acceptance of defeat before you lift your head and prepare yourself to say your last goodbye no matter how painful it is.

"Take care, Kyoutani Kentarou and thank you, for everything", the words fall past your lips in the form of a whisper solely because you're too scared to break if you raised your volume just slightly.

You turn around and feel the first tear find its way down your cheek before you even get to walk away.

And just as you wrap your fingers around the doorknob, the sound of rushed footsteps approaching you makes you halt your movements.

"D-Don't go", Kyoutani suddenly says, his voice breaking when he comes to stand behind you, so close you can actually feel the warmth he's radiating, "I need you...so bad", he whispers into your ear, pressing his forehead against the back of your neck and it's like everything that happened tonight becomes irrelevant.

You turn around, not expecting Kyoutani to push you against the door with his whole body, yet still embracing him as much as you can.

With a soft sob, you start inhaling his unique scent, grazing his soft skin with your fingers and letting the warmth blossom inside of your chest after feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath your palm.

"Don't leave me, please", he cries, the tears running down his flushed cheeks despite his desperate attempts of holding back, "let's do this whole love thing.”

You stand there for what feels like an eternity, just hugging each other, taking in each other's presence and calming down from everything that has happened in such a short time. You finally calm down completely, Kyoutani's soft touches and tiny kisses give you the last bit of energy you needed and for the first time in almost three months, there's not one demon in your head trying to make you overthink something.

Because this feels perfect; there's literally no other word to describe the feeling of holding Kyoutani Kentarou and being held by him.

But nevertheless, you've been on a constant adrenaline rush for the past four hours and the exhaustion has been killing you, making you grow tired a lot faster than usual.

"What about moving this to your room, hm? I'd rather fall asleep with you in your bed than against the door; especially because I know the boys are out and will be coming home soon", you say softly, lifting Kyoutani's head from the crook of your neck and looking at him.

He sighs and gives you a soft kiss, giving you a nod in response before he gets himself to let go of you; his warmth leaving with him and it's almost disgusting how you literally crave his presence.

After Kyoutani makes you drink two glasses of water to avoid the dehydration of your body, he hands you one of his thick hoodies and leaves you to get ready in his bathroom.

You come back to the sight of him sitting against the headboard of his king sized bed, his oversized shirt revealing the perfect amount of collarbones and you enjoy the sight of his pretty skin and the dark lines covering most of it as well as the way his sweats hug his strong thighs in the best way possible.

And as you watch his eyes lazily roam your body, a hot jolt of arousal finds its way through your veins and right to your cunt.

"Don't look at me like that, sweet girl", Kyoutani suddenly groans and cocks his head to the side, his tongue poking out to wet his lips before he gulps harshly; his eyes never once leaving yours.

"B-But Tani...", you reply, approaching him with tiny steps become you come to stand right next to his tall figure, feeling yourself growing needier because of the way your body is craving his touch now more than ever.

“Baby…”, he replies and gulps harshly, knowing your body better than yourself after weeks of getting to know you in a way nobody has ever before.

"Please, Tani...please, fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me. I've been waiting for so long...", you plead, your fingers coming to graze his pretty lips as memories of all the times he had turned you into a crying mess with those lips.

Kyoutani is just as affected by the change in tension as you, the slight bulge in his grey sweatpants as well as the hunger burning in his eyes giving him away.

"You're such a pretty angel girl, aren’t you?", he whispers and sits up, pulling you closer to make you stand in between his legs as he starts caressing your hot cheeks with his fingers.

“Yet you're saying all those naughty things”, Kentarou chuckles deeply, “imagine how people would react if they knew what a cockhungry little slut you actually are", upon hearing those degrading names, your cunt starts clenching around nothing and a high pitched whimper escaped your throat.

"For you...", you whisper, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth the second Kyoutani starts placing open mouthed kisses on your neck.

Your fingers dig into his shoulders, pulling the material of his shirt a little too tightly.

"Of course, baby, you're mine after all and this sweet cunt", the sudden feeling of his palm pressing against the damped fabric of your panties has you gasping for air, "belongs to me, and me only", Kyoutani grunts, pulling the skin of your neck between his lips before he starts sucking gently as well as slowly moving his fingers against the lacey fabric between your legs.

"Yes, it's yours", you reply, after several weeks of being intimate with Kyoutani you've learned one thing and that's how much he loves hearing you say all those dirty and lewd things, "please fuck me."

"Patience, my love, patience. I am going to fuck you", Kentarou replies calmly and suddenly pushes you away, his hands disappearing from your body and when your lid flutter open because of the lack of touch, he shoots you one of his cocky smirks, "but let's not forget the whole friend situation, hm? What about you make it up to me before I fuck you like the little whore you are?"

His words have excitement rush through your blood, your head literally spinning just from the thought of finally getting to be on the giving end after weeks of him playing the selfless lover.

You nod eagerly, anticipation sparkling in your eyes as you watch him palm himself over his sweats before you get on your knees and wait for him to let go of his now fully erect cock.

However, the more seconds pass by like this, the more nervous you become because for some reason you suddenly remember that you've basically never sucked dick before.

Your head shoots up with slight panic written all over your face and of course Kyoutani notices your change in demeanor right away.

"What's wrong, angel?", he asks you and stops the movements of his hands.

"I don't know how to do it, Tani", you whisper, knowing there's no point in being shy about it, after all he happens to be the guy you've experienced your most firsts with.

"It's okay, baby, I'm going to help you”, Kyoutani replies and actually loses his composure for a second, “fuck baby, don't look at me like this when I'm literally about to fuck your throat", he hisses, throwing his head back as he grunts and his hips desperately bucking into the air.

Kyoutani takes another deep breath before he finally pushes his hand underneath the waistband of his sweats and with your eyes focused on his movements, you watch him pull out his hard length, a soft hiss falling past his plump lips when the coldness of the room grazes the slightly wet tip of his cock.

You gulp harshly, his impressive size in girth as well as length has your pussy throbbing like crazy, yet you can't help but wonder how the hell he's going to fit inside of you.

“Don't worry, baby, I know you're going to take all of my cock like the good girl you are", Kyoutani says after observing your facial expressions for some time.

"Give me your hand", he asks you softly, his voice still raspy and incredibly hoarse yet still soothing and you appreciate his attempts to calm himself down so you won't feel too nervous. With your heart slamming against your rib cage, you lift your hand up and are slightly overwhelmed at the sudden feeling of Kyoutani's warm spit pooling inside your palm. Without adding anything, he straightens himself and motions you to stroke his hard cock.

Not once do you stop looking at him as you wrap your fingers around the base of his impressive length and slowly start jerking him off.

Kyoutani cocks his head to the side, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth and his eyes constantly fluttering close.

"Start with the tip, angel- just wrap your lips around it and start sucking, but be careful with your teeth, yeah baby?", he grunts, his hips thrusting into your fist every time the pace of your strokes slows down.

You give him yet another nod before look up at him one more time and do as he says.

The feeling of his cock between your lips is – different.

It feels like it's not supposed to be there, yet the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue has you sighing softly. Your tongue darts out, giving his tip a tiny kitten lick before you go back to sucking on it eagerly.

And while you seem to enjoy it a lot, Kyoutani is going absolutely crazy. You can see the way he's tensing his body as his grip in the bed sheets tightens and the vein on his neck pops out.

"F-Fuck, baby, just like that", he praises you "now try to take more of it in a-and use your hand for the rest", Kyoutani's voice is shaky, his eyes are nervously roaming your swollen lips and the string of spit connecting them to the tip of his cock.

Without giving it another thought, you take a deep breath and take more of him, trying your best to not graze his sensitive cock with your teeth and despite your initial struggle, you still enjoy the feeling of his cock on your tongue.

You subconsciously wrap your fingers around the part of his cock which you can't fit inside your mouth and suddenly it's like your body knows exactly what to do.

Kyoutani's moans grow louder and the soft thrusts of his hips become a little less controlled. You look up at him every now and then, trying your best to keep the steady rhythm as you bop your head.

And then he suddenly thrusts his length all the way to the back of your throat, your gag reflex just about to go off when he pulls back which is the moment you take notice of the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You give him a soft smile before going back to wrapping your lips around his tip, but you don't get very far.

Kyoutani pulls you back, his grip on the back of your neck not firm enough to hurt you.

"I promise I'm going to fuck your throat properly and even cum in your mouth the next time we do this but right now I just can't stop thinking about that tight cunt of yours", he says, helping you get up and almost instantly pulling you onto his lap; his wet cock rubbing against your panty covered core as Kyoutani pulls you in for a kiss.

It's sloppy and rushed, the way his tongue grazes over yours before he pulls it between his lips and starts sucking at it. Your hips start moving against his cock, your sensitive pussy craving some kind of friction as the arousal has your head spinning like crazy.

You start moaning and whimpering into his mouth when Kyoutani’s hips start meeting your desperate movements, applying the perfect amount of pressure onto your needy clit.

You feel the knot in the pit of your stomach tightening, the clenching of your cunt becoming worse the more you hump Kyoutani's cock like a woman starved.

But nothing prepares you for the feeling of one of his large digits entering you. Your hole start clenching around his finger Kyoutani pushes another one in, both digits buried inside of your little cunt.

"Such a good girl for me, aren't you, baby? I'm going to finger you nice and slow so you're ready for my cock. Now come on, my love; show me what a good whore you are and ride my fingers", Kyoutani encourages you, his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin behind your ear and without missing a beat, your hips meet the skillful thrusts of his fingers.

Kyoutani continues to whisper naughty things into your ear, his other hand eventually wrapping around your throat as he makes sure you look into his eyes when you stumble over the edge.

Your high hits you hard and fast, the intensity knocking the breath out of your lungs and leaving you gasping for it; something you should be used to by now yet still can't believe is even possible.

He pushes you off of his lap softly, helps you get rid of his shirt as well as your ruined panties before he makes you lay down in the middle of his bed; eyes locking with yours when he also starts undressing.

"My pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, his hand caressing the soft skin of your thighs, spanking you every now and then just because he's absolutely obsessed with the way your whole body tenses whenever his hand meets your skin.

“Look at me", he orders and almost instantly your head shoots up to meet his gaze, the sight of his naked body distracting you a lot more than you expected but after all this is the first time you get to see the rest of his tattoos; the ones you usually only get a tiny glimpse of depending on his outfit choice.

Kyoutani spreads your legs apart, his eyes never leaving yours even when he starts jerking off again and you can't hold back the soft whimpers and begs leaving your lips.

But also something about his flushed cheeks and swollen lips as well as his messy hair falling into his face has you incredibly turned on.

"We've never talked about this before but are you on the pill, baby?", he asks, pushing one of his thumbs into his mouth before he brings it down to your clit and starts rubbing soft circles into it, making you arch your back off of the mattress as you bury your face in the pillow to keep your noises down.

"N-No", you whisper, a deep sigh coming from Kyoutani and even though you know you shouldn’t do it, you stop him from bending over to the drawer of his nightstand, making him look at you in confusion.

“But I still want you to raw me, please...", you add and gulp harshly when his whole body seems to go into some kind of haze once the words leaveyour lips.

Kyoutani looks at you, his eyes darkening even more as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and lets out a loud moan of your name.

"I can't just raw you, baby", he presses through gritted teeth, his mask slowly falling apart the more you rub yourself against his cock, "you've never had sex without a condom and my pull out game is weak, even weaker when it comes to you because fuck – the thought of filling you up with my cum sounds so fucking good", Kyou groans when you scoot up a little, taking his length into your hand before you line him up with your entrance.

"B-But what if you get pregnant, sweet girl?", he sighs and tries to pull away, making you wrap your arms around his neck as you look into his pretty eyes.

"That will just show everyone around us how well you've fucked me", you whisper and elicit another deep moan from him, his whole body shaking slightly as he tries to hold himself back from just pounding into you.

"Such a cockhungry whore", he hisses and – finally – starts pushing his fat cock into your tiny cunt, the slight stretch making you both gasp for air.

“If that's what you want, then that’s what you get, you little slut. I'm going to fucking raw you and fill you up with all of my cum, make you my cumslut", Kyoutani grunts, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth before he harshly grabs your face and looks into your eyes as he buries more of himself inside of you.

"F-Fuck, you're big", you whimper, throwing your head back and trying your very best to stop clenching around his cock.

“We're almost there, baby- you got this, s-stop clenching", Kyoutani grunts against your parted lips. Without a warning, Kyoutani pushes the rest of his huge cock inside of you, bottoming out completely.

“F-Fuck...you’re so– tight”, Kentarou grunts, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, “it’s like you’ve never been fucked before.”

“S-So good...so fucking good, nngh-”, your little whimpers and whines are slurred, barely coherent as the feeling of being filled to the brim pushes you into a haze of pleasure.

You feel the pulsation of his cock against your spongy walls, his hands nervously roaming your body and groping one of your tits, as he obviously tries to calm himself down.

And then he finally starts moving.

A deep, guttural moan leaves the both of you when he pulls himself out of your tight hole, dragging his huge cock along the walls of your little cunt in the most delicious way possible before he almost brutally shoves himself back in again.

“Mhm, just like that, you little brat”, he grunts, sitting up on his knees as he pushes your legs further apart, his eyes focusing the way his fat cock stretches your hole just how he’s been imagining it all this time, “coming up to me and talking about having your little cunt rawed like some cumhungry little whore.”

You start nodding almost instantly at his words, your brain barely recognizing them, the only thing you can focus on being the way the tip of his cock grazes the entrance to your womb with every harsh, brutal thrust of his hips.

His thrusts find a steady rhythm, hard and so, so deep.

“Open your mouth”, Kyoutani grunts, a single drop of sweat finding its way down the center of his tattooed chest, the sight making you whimper and whine for him even louder as you part your lips as soon as you process his words.

“You know what? I’d rather have you say it”, he suddenly hisses, pulling his cock out of your spasming cunt before he presses your legs together and shoves himself back inside of you with one skilled thrust of his hips.

You have no idea at what point you start crying but by the time Kyoutani's moans and grunts start picking up their pace, you're a sobbing mess.

“S-Say wh-what?”, you sob, hiding your tear and spit stained face behind your hands, not daring to look up at him.

“I want you to ask for my spit and beg for my cum”, Kentarou’s voice grows raspier, the dominance seething through every single one of his words makes it so easy for you to fall even further into the hole of absolute submission, “and stop hiding yourself, angel girl..I wanna watch the way I’m fucking your brains out.”

A row of loud, high pitched whines and a combination of sobs and moans are the only thing you manage to respond with, your brain clouded with the feeling of his thick cock dragging along the spongy walls of your cunt.

And before you can even comprehend his next movement, you hear the loud sound of skin meeting skin followed by the delicious feeling of a sting sending jolts of pain through your body, something you’ve come to love after so many hours with the tattoo artist.

“I told you to ask and beg for it, angel girl..you’re making me wait”, Kentarou spits, never once halting the movements of his hips as he watches the way you start sobbing even more, your cunt spasming around his cock after his painful spank.

“Please...f-fuck, please spit in my mouth and my face and on my cunt- want it all”, you start brabbling, another row of incohrent begs following right afterwars as your hips sloppily meet his harsh thrusts, “I want you to stuff me full of your cum, too- please, Daddy, wanna be your little c-cumdumpster.”

“There you go..”, Kyoutani’s plump lips stretch into a big smile as his cock throbs at the sound of that one forbidden little word he’s come to love even more after hearing it from you only a handful of times.

He didn’t hesitate to tell you about how much it turns him on around two weeks after the two fo you had started dating and even though he never really expected you to use it, he was secretely hoping for you to overcome your shyness.

You had used it only twice before when the pleasure had gotten too much for your brain to handle and Kyoutani knew you’d stop holding yourself back as soon as you got a taste of his cock.

“What did you just call me, pretty girl?”, he cooes, giggling softly at the way you whimper and cry even harder, knowing oh so well what he wants to hear.

And for the first time you just can’t get yourself to argue with the little voice in the back of your head; the feeling of his cock stretching your tiny cunt making it so, so easy to just let go of all those doubts and worries.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply and look into his eyes, groping your own tits as you arch your back to feel him even deeper inside of you, “n-need your cum inside of me...please- want everyone to know who I belong to.”

You don’t really expect it, yet your pussy almost instantly start clenching around his cock when kyoutani harshly grabs your face, making you part your lips before he spits into your mouth.

The loud, lewd sound of it rings in your ears in the best way possible and acting like a literal aphrodisiac in combination with the delicious taste of his saliva coating the hot muscle of your tongue.

You hum softly before you swallow it all, a gentle sob escaing your lips before you look up at him again.

"Now go on, angel girl”, he growls, pushing his hand in between your legs to rub circles into your hardened clit, “I want you to cum for me. Be a good little dumpster for your Daddy and show me what only I can do to you.”

You can barely process his words, the lewdness just fueling the fire in the pit of your stomach as you lose yourself in the feeling of your upcoming high. But you still start nodding, cringing at the feeling your saliva dripping down your jawline.

And with one last thrust, you feel your high crashing down onto you with such heaviness, you're left absolutely breathless.

Your whole body is trembling as the waves of your orgasm hit you, a row of incoherent words leaving your lips before you stop trying and just start crying for your precious Daddy.

"That's my baby”, is the first thing your brain manages to process again, everything still a blurry mess and when you look at Kyou, you realize you’re still cumming.

Your cunt is almost painfully spasming around his big cock, your juices dripping down the sides of his length as he helps you ride out your orgasm.

“You’re such a good, good girl for Daddy, aren’t you? I'm so proud of you", Kyoutani praises you, his thrust a little sloppier than before and from the way he's digging his fingers into the skin of your waist, you can only assume that he's also quiet close, "you're also going to take all of Daddy’s cum, right, baby? We gotta make sure I fill you up nicely..."

You take a deep breath, your slightly overstimulated cunt sending shivers down your spine as your eyes focus on Kyoutani's parted lips.

"Please, Daddy...need you to fill me up with your cum", you encourage him and when you slowly push two of your fingers into his mouth, knowing how much he loves to suck on them no matter what situation you’re both in, you finally get to see his whole face crunch up in pleasure.

His body tenses up as his grip on your waist becomes firmer before he starts cumming inside of you with a deep, raspy moan; coating the walls in several shades of white with three thick spurts of his cum.

Kyoutani buries his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly calms down, loud breathing and rushed gasps for air the only thing to fill the inside of his empty room.

"I love you so much", he whispers and gives you a soft kiss, his cock still firmly buried inside of your sensitive cunt before he shoots you a soft smile; looking almost boyish with his glossy eyes and flushed cheeks.

"I love you, too, D-Daddy”, you whisper, gulping harshly as the words leave your lips, feeling yourself grow even smaller underneath his strong yet comforting gaze, “thank you for giving us a chance", you add and pull him into for another kiss.

"Kyoutani Kentarou, your favorite group of walking disappointments is back and better than ev - oh", Iwaizumi Hajime, Kyoutani's High School best friend, fellow tattoo aritst and roommate suddenly yells and almost brutally slams open the door, startling you to the last bone in your body.

Kyoutani is quick to cover you up with his body, his hand reaching for one of the blankets on the floor as he grunts in annoyance.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know–", "What is it, Iwa-Chan? Is he jerking off again? Kyoutani Kentarou you little piece of shit, just go and fuck that–", just like Iwaizumi, Oikawa – who also happens to be his best friend, felow tattoo artist and roommate – comes to stand in the doorway, bumping into his best friend before he finally spots the two of you.

"You're naked", he points out, closing his eyes almost instantly after realizing what he has just come to witness and despite the disgusting feeling of wanting to disappear and never come back again, you can't help but giggle at their shocked and slightly disgusted faces.

Kyoutani takes a deep breath and pulls out of you, still making sure to hide you behind his body before he hands you the blanket and lets his eyes shift to the door, looking at his best friends in pure disbelief.

"Kawa stop fucking staring and – can you two please fuck off?", he yells, pulling the boys back to reality and the way both of them shift to look at you only to blush from their necks to their ears has you chuckling softly.

This type of situation is nothing you’re not used to – unfortunately.

"Uhm – of course! Oh, my fucking God! So sorry, Kyou", Iwaizumi stutters and wraps his fingers around the doorknob, avoiding your eyes as much as he can before he pushes Oikawa away and then closes the door with another row of apologies.

Kyoutani just looks at you apologetically as he shakes his head and face palms himself, making the both of you burst into loud laughter.

And after taking a shower together and actually eating some late dinner with the boys, you fall asleep with Kyoutani's arms tightly wrapped around your waist, his face buried inside the crook of your neck and one last love confession.

And when those sweet words fall past his lips yet again, you realize – you're finally home.

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slugtranslation-hypmic · 3 years ago

Note

Hi slug! I love all your answers to the weird asks. They always make me smile. With that being said, I've come up with one of my own that hopefully has not been asked before. I don't know if you play many video games, but what do you think the favorite video game of each of the characters would be? If you can't think of a specific game, genres (rpg, fps, sandbox, etc.) also work!

I do play a fair variety of video games, so I've given this some thought.

Ichirou - I'm of two minds here. Since Ichirou is a big fan of isekai and other fantasy style manga and anime, I imagine he would also be into JRPGs. He probably also enjoys anime action games, such as the DBZ fighting games. We've also seen him play rhythm and gacha games (ARB) on his phone in the manga. That's mind one. Mind two says that the minute he turned 18, he nipped on down to Akihabara to acquire certain games featuring his top waifus that he would never show to Jirou and Saburou. If anyone on this list would play eroges, well... it'd be Ichirou.

Jirou - I think Jirou would play whatever Ichirou recommends, but he'd probably also enjoy sports games like FIFA. Jirou likes hanging out with people, so I doubt he'd play many single player games.

Saburou - In addition to playing chess with people online, as he does in the anime, Saburou probably enjoys strategy games like Total War or real-time strategy games like Starcraft II.

Samatoki - Samatoki doesn't seem like he'd be a big gamer, but I bet he has an old bright-pink DS with a copy of Nintendogs. Ostensibly, it was once Nemu's, but now he plays it religiously to take care of a toy poodle named Fang or something appropriately edgy.

Juuto - Judging by how he drives, Juuto seems like he'd enjoy racing games or Rocket League. Mad Trigger Crew tried playing Mario Kart once, and the resulting argument after Juuto beat Samatoki in Rainbow Road nearly went to blows before Riou broke it up.

Riou - Riou would enjoy the hell out of survival games, especially ones in which resource management is vital. He would also be enamored with Cooking Mama.

Ramuda - Ramuda probably knows how to play Dance Dance Revolution like an absolute fiend. In private, he works off his aggression with fighting games or shooters.

Gentarou - Gentarou plays games for the story, so he probably enjoys JRPGs and artsy-fartsy indie games. He also secretly plays gacha games, perhaps even ARB for the meta factor.

Dice - Dice seems like he'd play whatever you put in front of him provided the game is fast-paced enough. He would also be into playing poker online.

Jakurai - Ichirou tried showing Trauma Center to Jakurai once, but the lack of medical accuracy simply baffled Jakurai. Then Ichirou gave him a fishing simulator, and Jakurai took off. I could definitely see him having a World of Warcraft membership simply so he could sit in WoW and fish. I hear it's calming to do this.

Hifumi - Hifumi would enjoy party games and two-player games to try with Doppo. Between the two of them, I could see them enjoying a wide variety of genres.

Doppo - Doppo doesn't seem like he has the time for games anymore, but when he was younger, he probably enjoyed playing all sorts of things with or without Hifumi. I can picture them as teenagers bawling as the credits roll after a long, emotional RPG.

Sasara - Sasara doesn't seem like a big gaming type, as his interest lies more in TV and films. He might enjoy casual mobile games to pass the time between acts in his show.

Roshou - Roshou is into TV and sports nowadays, but I could see him enjoying video games more when he was younger. As he was kind of a rebel, he probably tried to play shooters and the like. Nowadays, he keeps them around just to threaten turning his skills on the unrepentant bastards who keep breaking into his house.

Rei - Is Rei a gamer? I can't picture that myself, but I can picture him being part of developing an addictive mobile game with predatory payment plans.

Kuukou - Kuukou seems like he'd enjoy video games. Action horror seems like right up his alley, along with the weirdest shit he can manage to find on the Playstation store. You know those games that have names like Fart Simulator or whatever? That's what I'm talking about.

Juushi - Juushi would like Castlevania for the aesthetic. He would definitely try to play Resident Evil with Kuukou but would be horrified by all the blood immediately.

Hitoya - Hitoya doesn't seem like much of a gamer either. However, Juushi might suggest one day that they play Ace Attorney. Hitoya would refuse at first but would finally be wheedled into it. "This is bullshit," he'd say, approximately two minutes in and every ten minutes or so afterward. But then later, he'd ask Juushi and Kuukou, "So when are you going to make me play that stupid game with the dumbass lawyer who looks like a hedgehog?" In this manner, they've worked their way through most of the series. He likes Miles Edgeworth as a character but refuses to admit it. He also complains about the helpers (Maya, Pearl, Kay, etc.) and says they remind him of Kuukou and Juushi. Naturally, this is because he adores all of them, but he refuses to admit that too.

#not a translation #asks #hypmic asks

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oswald-privileges · 3 years ago

Text

ALL RIGHT BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT

Power of Three as a series is just. full of weaknesses, most of which come down to poor continuity and structure. I'm not gonna try and fix ALL of those, bc that'd be laborious as hell, but I will pick out things that I feel are the most egregious as case studies.

What Po3 does have, tho, is an absolutely shining strength in the concept of its three main characters. After twelve books of Blandly Heroic Protagonist Syndrome, Jayfeather is an absolute godsend. He's angry! He's rude! He's unhappy! He's not nice. I Love Him And He's My Son. Lionblaze has his invincible pride (hah) and emergent bloodlust, and Hollyleaf has her moral absolutism and certainty. These are good starting points for characters. Sadly, the lack of continuity undermines what could have been three really good character arcs.

So! I present to you:

HOW TO MAKE "WARRIORS: THE POWER OF THREE" NOT COMPLETELY SUCK ACCORDING TO MY PERSONAL TASTE; A NON-EXHAUSTIVE, NON-CONSECUTIVE LIST BY ME

ONE

- Have there be a persistant, overarching series threat. Sol is a character with amazing villain potential who does literally nothing except hang around, and do exactly 2 Bad Things completely off-screen. This Is Not Good.

- Instead, have him be present from the second book onwards- initially introduced as a friendly but enigmatic outsider who is slowly revealed across the series to be a complete black hole of a personality, a social parasite quietly rearranging whatever community he's a part of to just-so-happen to benefit him as much as humanly possible. His "preach individualism not starclan" methods are not so much values as one strategy out of many. (to those who know me- yes i have a type. no i will not apologise.)

- Maybe his ultimate goal is to dissolve and centralise the clans or something so that he can live out his life as a political puppetmaster in all the cat-luxury he likes. idk it's hard to imagine overall stakes for this rewrite BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL DOESN'T HAVE ANY

TWO

- For gods sake you don't have a series based on the premise of "the main characters develop super powers" and then only have the second power confirmed by the end of the fourth book. I understand the first book mostly focusing on Jayfeather- his powers are obvious from the start, he's got the strongest personality of the three, he gets access to most of the prophecy plot stuff because of them. But you NEED to have the other two show an interest in something concrete happening to them beyond that, and you need to at least hint towards the other two having something unique to them even if nobody clocks it yet.

- Have Jayfeather tell his siblings about the prophecy by the end of book two at the latest. The amount of time he spends noodling around not sharing it with them is inexcusable. It's not that it's out of character for him to hang onto a secret for a bit, it's just that there's no point and it slows everything down. It would be equally in character for him to go to his siblings and be like "look, i'm SPECIAL. well you as well but ALSO ME". Boy starts off as desperate for recognition, what can I say

THREE

- Have Jayfeather discover that StarClan don't withhold signs or information on purpose for the sake of "building courage and faith" or whatever nonsense. Seeing and communicating the future is metaphysically very difficult, so interpreting signs and messages is a genuine skill, or even an art. The cats of StarClan, however, really are just ghosts, much more similar to living cats than the currently living believe. This is the impotus for Jayfeather's discarding of his reverence for StarClan, which remains consistent throughout the series.

- Have Hollyleaf and Jayfeather both still change their cat careers in the first book, but put place more attention on the fact that they basically switched jobs. Have a scene where they end up yelling at each other, because can't the other see how lucky they have it? The tension breaks when they realise they've both lost something important to them- Jayfeather his chance to prove he's as capable as a sighted cat, and Hollyleaf her path to helping her clan in the way she thinks is best. They commiserate together, and reluctantly promise to do the best they can with their lots, so they don't waste the path the other wishes they'd taken. This closeness is eroded over the series as they disagree more and more on the subject of StarClan and its role in their moral choices and obligations.

FOUR

- Speaking of Hollyleaf! I nearly threw my phone across the room when the first Omen of the Stars book claimed that Hollyleaf "worked so hard to discover her power to help her clan". Where, Ms Erins??? I would have LOVED to have seen that!! Hollyleaf expresses absolutely no concern over the details of what power she has/will develop, and only has a couple of scenes even touching on her ambitions to help her clan. She has some vague ideas about becoming leader and like one scene where she gets to do some leadery things, but that never gets followed up on. What does happen is that the whole "warrior code" thing becomes more and more a part of her personality (for no clear reason) until she snaps.

- Hollyleaf going off the deep end is something I wanted so badly to get into and be moved by, because I could see where it comes from! Her moral certainty is fascinating, especially since it's based in something as abstract as the warrior code- which, when you think about it, isn't really... anything. There's no concrete set of rules that make it up, no traditional wording or cat philosophers, not even any fables. It's a handful of agreed-upon, common sense rules- don't cross boundaries, don't take prey that isn't yours, respect your ancestors, and don't murder. That's it!

- So, combining the above points, I think Hollyleaf not being one of the Three should stay, but both the audience and the characters are given good reason to believe she is. By around the third volume, make it so that Hollyleaf has found that her power is to get cats to "Do The Right Thing"- i.e. what she wants them to do. She sneaks off often to see Sol, who teachs her how to use this power. Her siblings are concerned about this new power, having already gotten a glimpse at what Sol can do, but she's confident that she can only use this power for good. Volume-specific plot happens, Sol manipulates her into causing him to win, she is shocked and horrified, and vows to stick ridgedly to what she knows is right i.e. The Warrior Code

- However, the more fervently she tries to stick to this abstract idea, the less it gives her results, the more her power seems to be failing. Believing that StarClan is taking her power away from her, she becomes caught up in a faith-guilt spiral that puts her in the position to snap at the end of the series. By that point it's clear to her siblings that Hollyleaf has no power- she was just very, very good at persuading people to do what she wanted.

FIVE

- Lionblaze is a girl now because I Said So. This Cat Is Trans And There's Nothing You Can Do About It.

- Her relationship with Heathertail stays the same- childhood sweethearts who are torn apart as they begin to understand the nature of the societal divides that exist between them.

- This can be used to contextualise the whole "half clan/outsider blood" thing as a cultural contradiction. In reality, inter- and outer- clan relationships aren't at all rare. They can't be, otherwise the whole society would be inbred out of existence in like five generations. But if at least one society of humans can spend a good 200 years pretending Sex Is Bad And Sinful Actually then cats can have persistant cat-racism in the face of all logic. Heathertail clocks this contradiction, Lionblaze doesn't.

- Her relationship-to-power arc doesn't need changing all that much either, other than starting much sooner and being more consistent. At first, she's completely overjoyed by her power, since unlike her siblings, it lines up so well with her ambition- become the finest warrior any of the clans have to offer. As the berserker rage aspect becomes more prevelent, she becomes more and more disturbed by the fact that she isn't disturbed by what she can do, and that she doesn't want the escalation of her power to stop.

- Tigerstar still does his thing, but Brambleclaw knows about it. He recognises the signs from when his father used to visit him, and tries to train Lionblaze in his own way. She ends up caught between wanting to be a good warrior, and testing the limits of her power.

SIX

- Jayfeather can stay basically the same because he's my perfect little angy boy and nothing needs to change. His arcs can be strengthened by having a more robust relationship with Yellowfang where they try to out-bitch each other, and coming to terms with his internalised ablism. Maybe he has a chat with Mothwing about faith a couple of times. Him furiously lashing out at being offered help transitions into an acceptence and understanding of his abilities more naturally. He never stops being A Grumpy Old Man.

- All fucking past-lives unexplained time travel goes in the BIN. Doesn't fucking happen. You can have that lore dump sprinkled across the books, or come from going deep into the tunnels and having a surreal meeting. Make it properly eldritch-level scary, shake Jayfeather's confidence in the idea of them being just a bunch of ghosts.

SEVEN

- Have the way Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight present very clearly as parents to the Three be explicitly, textually unusual. One of the things I liked so much about the first series was an almost total lack of emphasis on who was mated with who, and who was related or not. It felt very real to how feral cat colonies form, where raising kittens is a communal job. This gets completely dropped the moment series 2 starts and now the cats have monogamy.

- This emphasis on the family unit and fostering close relationships between parents and kittens is deliberate on the part of both Leafpool and Squirrelflight. Their aim is to cover for Leafpool so she doesn't lose her role as medicine cat- something she already gave up Crowfeather for before she was pregnant.

- In that little bit of backstory, have a robust reason for both Leafpool and Squirrelflight to leave the camp while Leafpool is pregnant and giving birth, possibly one that ties into the present day story in some minor way. I don't know how, it would just make that element of the story a lot more ground than "we left, the kits were born, then we came back and everyone was cool with it"

- When it comes to the "I am Not your mother" reveal, Jayfeather and Lionblaze are confused and hurt that they were lied to, but come to the reasonable conclusion that well, since they were raised mostly by Squirrelflight, saw Leafpool often, and are loved by both, they don't hate her. Lionblaze has something of a crisis over being half-clan, possibly initiating an attempted reunion with Heathertail. Jayfeather is more concerned with how other cats will think it makes him lesser, something he's still sensitive too.

- Hollyleaf, meanwhile, completely fucking snaps at the way her mother Violated Part Of The Code. It's a completely irrational reaction, but expected because she's been growing more and more reliant on The Code for the whole series, and less and less stable in her attempts to aid her clan and train to be its new leader.

- Squirrelflight is the one to murder Ashfur. This is easy to work out while reading- she's literally the only one of the four with a motive who isn't a perspective character. The mystery is less around finding out who did it, and more about why she did it (it's very ambiguous as to whether it was an accident or not). The main tension comes from who finds out when.

- Lionblaze is shocked, awed by how far she'd go to protect the three of them, and reassures her she did the right thing (as a way to salve her own uncertainty over her own longing for violence). Jayfeather makes it all about himself because he's Jayfeather- upset that he didn't know immediately, instead of, you know, figuring it out in a few hours because he can basically read minds. They try their best to hide it from Hollyleaf, who is already rattling around the final volume as a full-on antagonist, but are unsuccessful. This almost costs them something incredibly important- possibly Squirrelflight's life.

EIGHT

- the whole plot with the Tribe Of Rushing Water is a MASSIVE can of worms that could be removed from the series without issue. As it is:

- Characterize the Tribe as uncertain of how to fight other cats, because yes, they haven't had to do this before. DON'T characterise them as pathetic, doing whatever their leader says without thinking, and with ancestors who have Given Up

- Have some of the Tribe be really good at the violence. Worryingly good. Have others be sickened by what they're being asked to do.

- Have some of the clan cats reflect on what they've done. Hollyleaf would be all for introducing this society to jesus The Code, but even she might be horrified at being thanked by a tribe cat who can't wait to get out there and win themselves glory, only to be killed a few hours later

- The Tribe begin a new tradition of marking the walls in the mud they use as camoflage in order to commemorate their battles, and memorialise the fallen. One of the characters reflects on the fact that in a generation or two, the Tribe will feel like it's always been this way. How many of their own traditions- those that feel almost like natural law- started out the same way?

- Have Sol as the leader of the invaders, or maybe having insinuated himself into the tribe as a "mediator" and doing his charismatic cult leader thing.

NINE

- Cinderheart isn't a reincarnation of Cinderpelt. She's just named after her bc Cinderpelt saved her mother from a badger. this is because I think the reincanation thing is stupid and I can't think of a way to make it good.

TEN

- No more using tails as hand gestures like covering people's mouths. Never. None of it. It's expunged from existence.

Disclaimer: I haven't read Omen of the Stars yet, so I can't account for anything that might happen in that series that's grounded in Po3. I'm like... two thirds of the way through the first volume. I'm Not Impressed.

#Warrior Cats #warriors #The Power of Three #Jayfeather #Hollyleaf #Lionblaze #long post

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