#and a mailbox exploding hobby.

[plumbogs]

eventually i'm just going to post actual random stories from my own life and everyone will just accept them as broke family headcanons

[good-chimes]

[HOTGUY!] HAS ONE NEW MAIL

Users with permissions to this shared mailbox:

Bdubs (role: Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes, Actor). Last login: Today.

Cub (role: Hotguy PR Agent). Last login: Today.

Scar (role: IT’S ME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ONE AND ONLY!). Last login: 215 days ago.

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: are you there?

is this hotguy’s email? i thought you were coming on patrol?

Why do you NEVER ANSWER YOUR PHONE

-cg

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: The VALUES AND PRINCIPLES of Scar Goodtimes Acting Enterprises

Dear Cub (if that’s your real name),

Now that you’ve been working for Scar for several weeks, I realized I never sent you any AGENCY INTRODUCTION documents. That’s okay! None of us are perfect, despite what you might feel when you look at me.

For your ENJOYMENT and EDUCATION, here are:

The Founding Principles of Scar Goodtimes Acting Enterprises

1.   Bdubs is Scar’s favorite employee.

1a.   Bdubs is also Hotguy’s favorite employee DESPITE the fact he does not technically work for Hotguy, and no upstart new PR agent is going to change that.

2.   Hotguy’s identity is a secret. You must never reveal that we both work for the same person. Take it to your grave if you have to.  

3.   However, if you see someone talking shit online about Hotguy or Scar you should immediately defend his honor. I often do this and you can see the results in the shared folder admin\arguments_bdubs_has_won. You might not be as good as me at winning debates on the internet—don’t worry!! I can give you tips.

4.   Here at the agency, we have the HIGHEST STANDARDS in responding to emails from the public. I noticed there are SEVERAL HUNDRED UNANSWERED EMAILS sent to Hotguy’s addresses that redirect to our shared mailbox. Scar is a very busy man! It is YOUR JOB to clear these out.

5.   We are open and helpful with everyone. Except hostile journalists. And the TCG. And the tax authorities. And anyone who might want Scar to do anything unreasonable like ‘be on time for something’. Keep this in mind as you go through the inbox.

All The Best!!!

Bdubs

P.S. I have noticed that admin\important_documents is now full of files called ‘virus1.exe’ ‘virus2 (gov encryption).exe’ ‘virus3 (might be sentient).exe’ etc. Explain this!?

 ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: RE: The VALUES AND PRINCIPLES of Scar Goodtimes Acting Enterprises

Yeah man cool this all sounds great

Scar seems to have a few email addresses that feed into here. i’ve sent replies according to which one the public emailed:

hotguy@hotguy.com — i replied to some of these but then i kinda got bored and started sending links to cool space facts instead. People will appreciate these i’m sure.

EMAIL_HOTGUY!!@hotguy.com — sent everyone a bulk reply of “Thank you for EMAILING_HOTGUY!! Hotguy loves you!”

FAN_LETTERS_THIS_WAY@hotguy.com — sent everyone a photo of Scar in his Hotguy costume

I_NEED_HOTGUY_NOW!@hotguy.com — sent everyone a photo of Scar in his Hotguy costume minus the shirt

super.cool.arrow.giveaway.for.fans@hotguy.com — sent everyone who gave their address some trick arrows. Only some of them will explode.

law.enforcement.collaboration@hotguy.com — redirected this one to spam

boring.tax.stuff@scargoodtimes.com — also redirected this one to spam. replying to the IRS just encourages them.

inbox zero, my friend. we’re ready for the next concerned citizen to write to us. Let’s go.

Cheers,

Cub

P.S. don’t worry about the viruses. Just a hobby. they’re in \important_documents because I needed a folder that scar never clicks on.

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: Re: The VALUES AND PRINCIPLES of Scar Goodtimes Acting Enterprises

Dear Cub,

Interesting. INTERESTING.

Don’t think you’re going to work your way into Scar’s affections with CLEVER VIRUSES and SHIRTLESS PICS OF HIMSELF. I see your game.

I’ve been Scar’s agent for years and I think when things heat up you might find this job too hot to handle.

All the Best!!!!

Bdubs

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: TCG Special Officer <vigilante.oversight@tcg.gov>

Subject: OFFICIAL REVIEW NOTIFICATION

Dear Hotguy (civilian identity unknown),

We are currently undertaking a review of your recent vigilante activities as ‘Hotguy’.

Vigilantes (‘heroes’) are encouraged to protect citizens and cooperate with the TCG. For this we require vigilantes to regularly communicate with their TCG liaisons, attend emergencies on request, and support law enforcement operations.

None of our emails to <law.enforcement.collaboration@hotguy.com> have been answered—I was going to say ‘in some time’, but I checked our file on you, and it turns out the right word is ‘ever’. You have never answered an email from the TCG. I am sure you can see why this is an issue.

We do admittedly have some difficulty getting vigilantes to ever listen to us, but this is a new low in obstructionism.

We have requested your assistance in investigating thefts from two biotech laboratories, vandalism at a local redstone supplies shop, and multiple call-outs to security incidents at Mumbocorp. You have completely ignored all of these requests. We note you have instead caused widespread chaos, disrupted several TCG operations, and at one point impersonated the Mayor in order to trick ‘Doctor M’ into purchasing a non-existent bridge. 

May I remind you that vigilante activity is only legal insofar as we decline to prosecute heroes for property damage. Kindly reach out to our liaison department immediately so we can work together on collaborative action under the direction of the correct authorities.

On behalf of Head Agent V. Berger,

Special Officer #49

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: are you there?

who is answering hotguy’s emails and why have you sent me a list of top supernovas! this is NOT HELPFUL

 ------------------------------------

To: TCG Special Officer <vigilante.oversight@tcg.gov>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: OFFICIAL REVIEW NOTIFICATION

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for reaching out about the availability of Hotguy. Hotguy is unable to respond himself because he is rescuing kittens from tragically falling into rivers, an activity that has fully occupied him for the past eighteen months.

This is quite the list of criminal events, my friend. I thought the TCG had this kind of thing under control. It’s concerning that you don’t. Doesn’t make your TCG department look super great, huh?

Thinking about it, this really seems like something the Police Commissioner should know about. If you’ve lost the Commissioner’s email address, don’t worry. I found it on a forum.

Cheers,

Cub

Hotguy PR Agent

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: TCG Special Officer <vigilante.oversight@tcg.gov>

Subject: Re: OFFICIAL REVIEW NOTIFICATION

Dear Hotguy’s PR Agent,

I understand as a law-abiding Hermitopia resident, you may be alarmed at descriptions of disorder intended for Hotguy’s eyes only. Please do not be concerned.  We also strongly recommend you do not forward this chain to the Police Commissioner. As you will see from the news, the city is peaceful and everything is completely under control.

Kind Regards,

Special Officer #49

  ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

THERE ARE THREE HUNDRED CHICKENS WITH LASERS ON FIFTH STREET

tell hotguy to call me he’s not picking up!!!

-cg

  ------------------------------------

To: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Regrettably Hotguy is not available as he is escorting orphans to the North Pole to tour Santa’s workshop.

Cheers,

Cub

Hotguy PR Agent

  ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

it’s JULY

 ------------------------------------

To: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

Hotguy believes in being prepared

is this really cuteguy? what’s going on?

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

i was coming back from patrol and going to pick up my pizza. i always get pizza, cub, you have to understand this is an important part of patrol.

when i turn the corner to my normal pizza place there are

AT LEAST FIVE HUNDRED CHICKENS WITH BEAK-MOUNTED LASERS

ALL OVER THE STREET

BETWEEN ME AND MY PIZZA

they’re milling around and scratching like someone just dumped them here. whenever they squawk they burn a tiny hole in the nearest wall. i tried to get near one to look at the device on their beaks and i nearly got my finger burned off.

now i’m on a roof. i want my PIZZA, cub. i’m a close-range fighter and i’m not getting up close with a laser chicken. this seems like a hotguy problem!

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Helloooo,

My name is Pearl Moon, and I’m a reporter with the Hermit Herald. I heard Hotguy has a new PR agent at this address. I’m not going to lie, I’m delighted. Hotguy’s a great guy for a quote, obviously, but getting hold of him is kind of a nightmare.

I’m at the scene of the Eighth Annual Fried Donut Festival. I’m contacting you because a citizen running a stall has allegedly just seen a, I quote, “weaponized chicken”.

According to them, it shot an “adorable laser” into their supplies, punctured a hole in their fruit toppings cooler, and ran under the stalls. I’ve been on this beat for a while and this sounds like a Doctor Monster or a Zedaph special to me. Personally, my money’s on Doc.

I know your client and Doctor Monster go back a long way, so I was wondering if we might see Hotguy himself swooping in?

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

  ------------------------------------

To: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Dear Concerned Journalist,

Thank you for your email. As you know, Hotguy is currently in Canada fighting smallpox by shooting individual bacteria with a special crossbow, for which he has received a commendation from their Prime Minister.

I’ve just contacted him to get a quote about the chicken and he definitely said, “Seems bad.”

Enjoy the festival! Feel free to send Hotguy a souvenir donut box to my address.

Cheers,

Cub

Hotguy PR Agent

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

there’s some kind of festival with crowds of civilians going on in the next street. the chickens are wandering towards it. to make everything worse, i think i saw a newsreader van.

this is funny but also very bad.

i’m going to see if i can lead the chickens away from the festival with some bait, since hotguy’s obviously too busy admiring his own biceps in the mirror to help. i’ve got half a granola bar and an apple core. this is going to work really well for eight hundred chickens. here goes nothing.

if hotguy wakes up from his afternoon nap, you can tell him we didn’t even need him.

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Dear Cub,

I’m pretty sure Canada doesn’t have smallpox anymore. I don’t think anywhere has smallpox.

New update: Several hundred chickens have just erupted into the festival from a side street. They all appear to have lasers. The sheer weight of poultry has overturned two artisan donut stalls, which has caused what I’m going to describe as “mass panic” as people try and avoid the laser beams. People screaming, people running, everything coated in a fine layer of powdered sugar. No injuries yet, but it looks like the Prize-Winning Triple Marshmallow Churro Donut display will never be the same again.

Also, I swear I just saw Cuteguy.

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

i got ONE chicken with the granola bar and NOW IT’S DECIDED IT’S MY BEST FRIEND. it keeps trying to fly into my arms! this is not helping!!

its friends are now all over the stalls. the laser chicken breed has discovered a new staple food and it’s fried donuts. this is NOT my fault. clearly none of this is my fault.

oh god now there’s two TCG agents coming over to see what all the shouting is about. the chicken radius is growing. there’s a folk band on a bicycle and a chicken just launched itself into their tuba.

i’m going to try and round the rest of them up. keep the TCG off my back and tell hotguy to do ANYTHING HELPFUL AT ALL.

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Situation update: Cuteguy is in the middle of a huge crowd of shouting people and appears to be clutching a chicken. Also, Doctor Monster has turned up. He’s trying to give a dramatic speech about his “evolved chickens” from a nearby rooftop through a loudhailer, but I’ll be honest, everyone seems more interested in Cuteguy.

#laserchickendisaster and #whereishotguy are trending on Chatter, but no sign of Hotguy yet! Sure he doesn’t want to give us a longer quote?

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

 ------------------------------------

To: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

I have a cool contraption that you could probably use for catching chickens. downside is you do need some plutonium. Not much but, like, not a legal amount.

Alternately i also have a great recipe for roast chicken

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

we are not roasting these chickens, cub, the chickens have done nothing wrong!! And WHY DO YOU HAVE PLUTONIUM, WE TOLD YOU TO STOP THE DARK SCIENCE. DO SOMETHING USEFUL ABOUT THIS FESTIVAL SITUATION INSTEAD.

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Situation update: Doctor Monster has now turned his loudhailer on Cuteguy and accused him of stealing his evolved chickens. He seems very upset. The Doctor has declined an interview, but I’ve got some incredible photos and the powdered sugar really suits him.

I’m trying to get a quote from Cuteguy but it’s quite difficult to even see him through the crowd, and the chickens, and the German street band, and the displaced donut vendors, and the TCG agents who are trying quite earnestly to get to him, and—did I mention—the chickens.

My camera team is getting some great footage, but do you know what his plan was here?

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

everyone in the crowd thinks i own these chickens!! one of the chickens has set fire to a hot oil vat and a journalist is after me and an old lady keeps trying to hit me with her handbag!!!

DOC IS NOW TAKING POT SHOTS AT ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL. I HATE THIS JOB.

i’m behind cover

it won’t last

if you don’t get hotguy here now i’m never speaking to him again

 ------------------------------------

To: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

From: Cub

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

nooo you’re doing great man, knocking it out the park. Doesn’t sound like you need Hotguy.

you’re a hero too, right?

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

okay cub listen.

i don’t WANT hotguy. if i could fix this chicken situation without the city’s most annoying vigilante turning up to take the credit, believe me, i would have done it already.

but you know what hotguy can do? he can win the crowd. hotguy’s always on the right side. nobody would ever accuse hotguy of owning fifteen hundred laser chickens. he tells people about hope and teamwork stuff and they believe him.

oh god

the TCG are here and i’m apparently target number one.

they’ve just spotted me on this gazebo and i’ve got no good roof to jump to. i’ll have to make a run for it. if you don’t hear from me again, i might have got arrested.

hotguy spouts all that rubbish about teamwork, but hey, it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t believe in it himself!

 ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: what I’m about to suggest is legal

we should help him huh

do you know where scar is? like which cell phone towers might be close. I’ve got a map of the towers if you can give me a location.

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: this sounds NOT legal

BDUBS TO THE RESCUE, AS ALWAYS. You’re welcome.

Scar is actually recording a snack commercial over on Twelfth Street. Details in projects\casting_directors_bdubs_is_not_feuding_with\dumb_projects_we_have_to_book_for_money\Sparkle!Cereal!

  ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: this is 100% legal white hat hacking definitely

okay I’ve remotely accessed Scar’s phone and put a klaxon on it. Should be audible two hundred yards away.

I’m gonna call him now.

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Situation update from your reporter on the ground (still no quote from the guy himself?)

Cuteguy has been showing great stamina in the chase that’s been going on. The camera crew is impressed!

He is currently being pursued by:

1.   Doc

2.   Doc’s cyborg guard robot

3.   Two TCG agents

4.   Three hundred and sixty chickens (approx.), one of which believes Cuteguy is its best friend

5.   Several animal activists attempting to recapture the chickens

6.   A bar crawl that seems to think they’re doing a parade and wanted to join in

7.   A German band on a long bicycle with two clarinets and a man trying to shake a chicken out of his tuba

Cuteguy is…looking back over his shoulder?

Oh, wait! Situation update paused!

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Cuteguy <cuteguy@freemail.com>

Subject: Re: IS THIS HOTGUY’S EMAIL ANSWER RIGHT NOW

HE’S HERE

HE’S ACTUALLY HERE

FINALLY

 ------------------------------------

To: Hotguy <hotguy@hotguy.com>

From: Pearl Moon <Pearl@hermitherald.com>

Subject: Re: Hotguy appearance? (press enquiry)

Hotguy has arrived!

He’s swooped in with three trick arrow shots that set off fireworks above the crowd, rappelled straight up to Doc on the roof, and started a fist fight with him. It’s very dramatic. I’m not sure he’s actually landing any of those blows.

Helpfully for Cuteguy, no one is looking at him anymore. He’s surreptitiously putting distance between himself and the TCG agents.

Doc is now making another speech while fighting Hotguy. If I’m honest, he seems pretty happy he’s finally getting the credit for his own evil plot. We’ve got a close-up on him. Doc would like us all to know that this is the future of poultry, the future of lasers, and possibly the future of donuts? Last part a bit unclear as at that point Hotguy threw his loudhailer off the roof.

Meanwhile, Cuteguy is trying to lure the chickens away from the civilians with pieces of donut. This would be working better if the crowd weren’t all shoving forwards to try to get a better look at Doc.

Doc has taken off on a jetpack declaring he’ll “be back!”. Hotguy has given him a thumbs up.

Oh, now Hotguy has finally caught on to what Cuteguy is trying to do and is chivvying the crowd to help herd the chickens away with donuts for bait. Donuts are flying. The crowd is now enthusiastically participating in this donut-tossing activity. The chickens are delighted. Hotguy has spotted our camera team chasing him and we’re getting a lot of that action-shot this-is-my-good-side pose.

Hotguy and Cuteguy work together pretty well when they get going, huh?

Now Hotguy has swung down to land in the middle of the crowd and put an arm around each of the TCG agents, who are heavily dusted in sugar and look somewhat sheepish. What a nicely framed shot! Almost as if Hotguy pushed them into position for the cameras.

Well, I suppose I’m writing an article about how much Hotguy helps the TCG.

Your client owes me one.

Doc’s guard robot has rounded up the chickens that Hotguy and Cuteguy have funneled back into a nearby alley. It seems to be putting them in large nets. The local pizza place has a sign that says RIGATONI JONES PIZZA: CLOSED DUE TO CHICKEN EMERGENCY, and for some reason Cuteguy seems upset about this. Excitement over, I suppose?

I do hope you tell Hotguy how helpful the Herald was! Next time he’s got a tip-off to share, just tell him to remember your friendly local journalist Pearl Moon.

He knows where to find me ;)

Yours in pursuit of the truth,

Pearl Moon

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: hmm

You know, Cub, I’ve been thinking. That wasn’t bad, how you got hold of Scar. NOT BAD AT ALL. I am starting to think you might be a useful type of person to have around.

All The Best

Bdubs

 ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: Re: hmm

cheers man

i’ve rigged the klaxon so it plays when either of us or cuteguy calls scar. if he waits too long to answer it starts to play the whole Lilo and Stitch movie audio. if anyone asks this is not technically a virus.

-Cub

 ------------------------------------

To: Cub, Hotguy PR Agent

From: Bdubs

Subject: Re: hmm

I LOVE it. I love it.

You know, I have a whole list of casting directors I think you could test some virus development on. It would do them good. Keep them on their toes!! (I believe this is called…“white hat”).

I am HEREBY going to let you into my most SECRET FOLDER.

<Bdubs@scargoodtimes.com> has shared admin\nemesis_list

Maybe start with ‘casting_directors_who_do_not_recognise_bdubs_talent-spotting_genius’ and ‘producers_who_were_rude_to_scar’

 ------------------------------------

To: Bdubs, Publicity & Comms for Scar Goodtimes

From: Cub

Subject: Re: hmm

leave it to me, man

we’re gonna go far

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ START | PREVIOUS | NEXT ] [ MERCH ] [ MISC ]

My piece for the Hotguy comic zinethology! Thank you so much to editor @antimony-medusa and designer @cocoabats (I have used tumblr’s format for most of it because my eyes are too bad for pdf scaling on my phone, but for the FULL INCREDIBLE HOTGUY EXPERIENCE you will want to download the actual zine at @hotguycomiczine!!)

[leighsartworks216]

How To Adjust To Married Life

Harvey x gn!Farmer

My brain has been fighting with me to write something for Harvey. Man has absolutely consumed my mind and unfortunately I do not have the brain for writing right now. But I HAD to. Or else I'd like explode or something idk

Warnings: none

Word Count: 763

Masterlist

AO3

Harvey still couldn’t wrap his head around it. It seemed surreal to wake up everyday at the farmer’s side - at his partner’s side. To make them breakfast and dinner, and kiss them slow and soft. To feel their touch on his stomach and sides, tangling in his hair, drawing him closer and closer. All of it. How was it all reserved for him?

When they’d shown up to the clinic one day with a piping hot coffee for him, he brushed it off. One gift from someone who seemed to take great pleasure in pleasing everyone about town; nothing to overthink there.

But then it kept happening.

Coffee and pickles, twice every week like clockwork. They’d show up carrying something he enjoyed (even just a flower from the ground), set it on the counter with a smile and some small talk, and head off. If Maru was there, they’d hand her something she could use in her tinkering, and she never stopped them from heading in the back to pass on their goods if he was busy prepping the exam room.

He wasn’t exactly sure how long before he began to expect the visits, the gifts, the small talk. Maybe a few weeks, maybe a full season. Nor how long before the small talk drifted into light chatter about their interests and the goings-on of their lives. Or how much longer still before seeing them made his heart leap into his throat. Before he didn’t feel embarrassed to gush to them about getting in contact with a plane that flew overhead a few days ago.

Really he shouldn’t have been so surprised when they sought him out on one of his walks and produced a bouquet from behind their back. Or when they found him under the tree by the river, and held out a gleaming blue shell on a string. But he was.

He wasn’t blind to the obvious; he’d resigned himself to being a forever-bachelor long ago, perhaps even before he moved into town. There seemed to be a mountain of things against him. His age, for one. And being the town’s only doctor left some breaches of patient-doctor relationships. But he couldn’t deny how relieved he was that day, when he slipped the pendant over his head and they pulled him in for a kiss. The overwhelming, full-body realization that he wasn’t relegated to being a bachelor forever.

It still struck him sometimes, just how much he never expected it to happen. When he woke up in the morning to a warm body pressed against his. When he woke up late to a hot pot of coffee and his mug right by it. When he’d close up the clinic and realize he locked himself inside, as though he’d be sleeping upstairs in his apartment.

He never anticipated ever waking up to someone like that. Or having their care continue to persist after they’ve seemed to get everything they wanted out of him. Or being so ready to sleep alone, above his workplace, with a pitiful microwave dinner.

And they were… amazing. The first time he ordered a model plane to their house, he’d been wracked with a terrible nervous energy. The farmer had brought it in from the mailbox, wondering what he ordered as they set it on the table. He’d flushed and stammered about the plane, promising to keep it in his little sideroom. It was a hobby for the weird kids who sat out of playing games during recess. He really should have just sent it to his apartment and-

And then they grabbed his face. With the warmest smile he’d seen since their wedding. They didn’t have much to do on the farm that day, so they said if he’d let them, they’d love to help make it with him.

And all at once he felt silly for ever worrying about it.

He’d chuckled like all the air had been punched out of his lungs, and he offered to help them with their work, so they could get to making it even faster. He never imagined helping someone milk cows and water crops could feel so fulfilling.

The plane sat proudly on his table with the radio. Every rainy day when he checked in for a call, all the weather details ready to recite to the pilot, he looked over at it. Sure, the paint was a bit uneven and inaccurate. And the wing was glued down a little crooked. But it was perfect. The best damn plane he’d ever seen.

He couldn’t wait to order another.

[randomnessunicorn-imagine]

how about the former sargent s/o being told she may need to come back because a war is coming up — and against a more powerful country (having a higher chance of being heavily injured or dying). she's torn between staying with the one she loves and leaving to fight for her nation. how would ut and Uf!bros react?

{ ANGST WARNING-!!!ANGST WARNING-!!!ANGST WARNING-!!!

Last ask here }

⊕ Sansy ;

His worst nightmare is becoming reality because you have been called in the army and you cannot refuse since you care so much about your nation and Sans knows it very well.Actually, he was very confused and reluctant about this relationship and he thought about it a lot, contemplating every conditions and possibilities (especially the worst ones). At first, he did not want to stay with you because you were a military and this meant you would have left him alone most of the time, he would have remained at home waiting for you. Dying because some enemy could have killed you and he couldn’t have  helped you. It’s very painful for him, and he has lived with anxiety until now. You know his past is not made of flowers and happiness, he has suffered a lot in his existence and it seems he will suffer for the rest of his lifetime. It’s his infamous destiny, and maybe he should be seen by a good therapist since his mind is devastated. How should Sans feel after it? You are going to war leaving him at home full of worries. This relationship is too much for him to handle, and he does not know how long you will stay there, so he can think about the worst and he is still here waiting for you because he loves you anyway but maybe he should have been more rational because he will pay the consequences of it. That’s so sad and hopeless-!Sans has already seen his brother and all the people of the Underground dying a thousand times and now he should expect your death, too? That’s the most horrible joke of the existence.  Sans did not want to stress you because you should go there with a lucid mind so he keeps all his pessimist thoughts for himself. But he is going to collapse like a supernova even if you will come back home to him, it could happen again, you could go away to fight a new war and it will be the moment he will explode in tears saying that it’s over.

⊗ Pappy ;

He has never thought about the possibility that you could go to fight a war.Papyrus has no idea of what true violence is and he has never watched it on tv because Sans does not permit him to see these kind of things –even if it’s not a good thing because Papyrus should know what real life is-. For this reason, you have never explained to him that people die there, even if Papyrus is not that naive and stupid, he hears about wars before, and it does not inspire him, at all. Pappy is too pacifistic so he is so worried about you and he would prefer if you remain at home with him and his brother because it seems so dangerous and he is afraid to lose you. He does not want to think about the worst like his brother so he accepts your decision and he will always support you because it’s your life and dream, you are the one who decide about your job so he is happy if you are happy. Pappy is still full of pride because you are so strong and brave so he will never be angry with you. Pappy will be here waiting for you and he wants to know all your adventures and see all the badges of honor they will give you for your victories, since he knows you will come back home safe and sound, so he has nothing to worry about.

⊕ Reddy ;

Sans is begging you to stay and not go because it’s crazy.You already had your glory and fulfilled dreams so you should relax and maybe find some new hobbies that not regards wars and weapons. He is freaking out so badly.He is thinking the worst as well, and it seems he is going to explode soon, he is hyperventilating and maybe he will faint soon. Yes, his reaction is too much exaggerated but he has seen so many times his brother dying in front of his eyes, too. Sans cares a lot about you so he does not want to learn about your death from your boss. It’s an awful fate.You seem so determinate to go and Sans cannot stop you so he hopes you will send some letters to him and you must promise to him you will be careful.Actually, he does not leave you and he decides to continue this relationship even if he feels hellfire inside his soul. He does not sleep, eat or live in general. He remains all the day observing the mailbox, if you contacted him. His life becomes more stressful than usual and even Papyrus is so worried about him saying it’s ridiculous and insane, he should live his life even if you are not here and you are not a child so you can take care of yourself in the battlefield. After some time, he tries to ignore the pain but he keeps not receiving any letters from you, so… In certain cases, it’s better not to know anything.

⊗ The Edge Lord ;

Maybe he is the one who does not freak out, because as a fighter himself he is not so concerned. Papyrus is the one who tries to support your aim with his professional advises and he will propose some new and special trainings so you will be prepared to fight any enemies. He will teach you all he knows (and he knows so many things about war). Papyrus is a great fan of the famous book “The Art of War” of Sun Tzu, he will donate to you a copy of it so you can read all his precious lessons when you will be there. His soul is full of pride and hype and we can say that he envious you a little because he wants to stay by your side kicking enemies’ asses. Then, Papyrus is not the kind of person who suffers so much solitude so he can stay alone for some months since his life is still full of duties and things to do, so he has no time to spend in stupid worries and he is sure you will come back to him safe and sound because you are so great. In the case you will return injured, he will say that scars make you more beautiful and they are the symbols of your strength and courage. Every scars have to be showed with honour and pride and he will show his own to you as well.

[asflowersfade]

Ficlet: XOXO Murdoc

A MacGyver ficlet. A lock of hair, a bouquet of flowers - and a clean headshot. Told from Jack’s POV.

Finally! Jack thought this day would never end. Crawling through sewers - pardon, a drainage system - getting muck all over himself, his clothes and, God, it’s even squishing in his shoes!

But now that he dropped Mac off at home - for once, getting their hands dirty, literally, meant the clean-up was not up to them, a blessing! - Jack can finally relax, take a long and very hot shower - and burn his clothes! He picks up his mail and slowly, tiredly he drags himself up the stairs to his apartment.

He’s so happy that for this job, they didn’t actually have to trudge across the country or, God forbid, across the ocean. This time, all they had to do was pull out the spoiled brat of the governor’s grandson - or was it his godson? Jack’s not entirely sure, by that point he was knee deep in unmentionable things and he really didn’t care - out of the drainage system downtown that the idiot decided to explore on a dare from his drunk buddies and where he got stuck after a flash flood, following a big storm that hit LA earlier that day. Dumb bastard!

Unlocking his door, Jack walks into his apartment and drops his bag on the floor and his mail on the table as he makes a beeline for the shower. Everything will have to wait until he actually feels like a human being again. Yuck!

His long hot shower is cut short, though, when the boiler once again starts making that unholy clanking noise, which meant that Jack’s landlord still hasn’t bothered to fix the damn thing. With a sigh, Jack scrubs quickly, using what lukewarm water there is. He should’ve stayed at Mac’s and used the shower in Bozer’s bedroom, like Mac suggested, since Bozer was saddled with the clean-up at the scene and he won’t be home for hours. Oh well��

Feeling marginally less like a sewer rat, Jack puts on clean - clean! - clothes and decides that coffee’s in order, good and strong - and hot! At least his coffee will be hot, if not his shower. Small blessings and all that jazz.

But on his way to the kitchen, Jack glances at the pile of mail in passing and something catches his attention. The envelope on top, it has no address, no stamp, there’s nothing but one word written on it in big, blocky letters: JACK.

Frowning, Jack stops at the table and picks it up. He can feel something inside. It’s soft and small, definitely no wires, definitely not a bomb or anything like that. So, he tears the envelope open and shakes the thing out, onto his palm. And he freezes, his eyes going wide.

It’s a lock of hair, short and blond, the same shade as…

Quickly, Jack looks inside the envelope and there’s something else in it, a piece of paper. With his heart hammering like crazy, he pulls it out and unfolds it, and when he reads the text, handwritten with a blue pen, his breath catches in his throat.

“Oh, Jack,” the note reads, “not the best bodyguard, are you?”

The lock of hair, it’s Mac’s! And the note…

Murdoc!

On his way back to Mac’s, Jack violates pretty much every traffic rule there is and it still takes him way too long to get there, at least that’s how it feels to him. Because Mac’s not picking up his phone. His cellphone his off completely and his landline just keeps ringing and ringing. Jesus.

He barges inside Mac’s house with his gun drawn, a litany of “not again, please, God, not again!” running through his head. He yells Mac’s name, sweeping his gun back and forth, checking every corner, and his heart’s working overtime because he got careless - again! - and if, as a result, that... that psycho did something to Mac - again! - Jack will never, ever forgive himself.

And that’s when Mac walks out of his bedroom, dressed in a ratty old t-shirt and sweats, carrying a towel in his hand, and with a bewildered look on his face, he asks, “Jack? What are you doing here? What’s going on?”

And Jack just folds. He almost runs up to Mac and he hugs his friend hard, he almost knocks Mac over in his haste and he hangs onto him for dear life. “You’re okay. You’re here. You’re fine…” he mumbles over and over again.

“Yeah?” Mac drawls, just standing there, utterly confused. “Jack, what--”

“Just give me a second, okay?” Jack whispers with his eyes closed as he waits for his heart to climb down from a borderline heart attack. “Just a sec…”

Mac relaxes and lifts his free hand to pat Jack on the back. “Alright. Whatever it is, Jack, it’s alright.”

After a moment, Jack pushes Mac back and holds him at an arm’s length while he studies him closely. Mac just stares back at him, with his eyebrows raised. Then, Jack shakes him sharply and yells, “Why the hell didn’t you pick up your phone?”

Blinking, Mac reminds him reasonably, “My cellphone’s dead. I turned it into a makeshift sonar, down at the scene, remember? And if you called the landline, well, I was in the shower. I couldn’t get the muck off me, I think I still reek of it!”

Jack drops his head and lets out a deep breath. “Jesus…” he whispers.

“Jack?” Mac asks, uncertain. “What happened?”

Sighing, Jack straightens up and returns his gun back to its holster. Then he reaches into his back pocket and hands the envelope over to Mac. “I found this in my mail. It must’ve arrived after I left for work today because I checked my mailbox this morning and it wasn’t there. And I thought--” He breaks off.

With a frown, Mac opens the envelope and pulls out the note and the lock of blond hair. “That’s mine!” he notices, stunned. Then he reaches up and runs his fingers through his wet, uncombed hair, until he finds a shorter spot in the back and shows it to Jack. “But how…? Who?”

Jack sneers. “Guess.”

Mac’s eyes open wide. “Murdoc?” he breathes out in disbelief. “But when? I’m no Kardashian but I would’ve noticed a chunk of my hair missing this morning!”

“I don’t know!” Jack shakes his head. “It could’ve happened at the site, during the rescue mission? There was a lot of people just milling around, pushing and shoving, and we were focused on getting that idiot out so we didn’t pay much attention to what was going around.”

“But why? I don’t get why he would do something like this?” Mac says, looking down at the lock of his hair, rubbing it between his fingers. “What’s the point?”

Jack snorts. “The point? Mac! Maybe you haven’t noticed but that guy’s pretty obsessed with you. That time he kidnapped you, he used you to get to his target, sure, but don’t tell me he didn’t get off on torturing you. Or that making your life miserable didn’t turn into some sick hobby for him.”

Mac’s life and everyone else’s around him, too, Jack thinks, because Murdoc recognizes a weak spot when he sees it. And he knows that Mac’s weakness are his friends.

Rubbing his face hard, Jack mumbles, “Jesus! He must’ve been so close. So close! And I didn’t notice.”

“Jack,” Mac says kindly, “don’t beat yourself up. I didn’t notice him either and it was my hair he snipped!”

“But it’s not your job, Mac!” Jack protests, glaring at his friend. He’s not really angry with Mac. He’s worried about him - and he’s furious with himself. “Your job is to come up with mad-hatter solutions to problems that would leave the rest of us stumped. My job is to watch your back while you do it, to make sure madmen like Murdoc don’t get anywhere near you, let alone so close they can just snip a lock of your hair!” He ends his tirade on a shout, without even realizing it.

“Jack--” Mac tries again but he’s interrupted by a knock on the door. Frowning, he turns to go and open it, but Jack stops him with a frown and a raised hand, and pulling his gun out of its holster, he goes and opens it himself.

There’s a young boy standing there, pimpled and bright-eyed and with a big bouquet in his hands. “Flowers for... Angus MacGyver?” he asks uncertainly, noticing Jack’s fierce expression.

Jack scans the surroundings - the sun has set and twilight’s crept in while he was inside - but there’s no one else there but the delivery guy and his little truck, puffing at the curb. He hides his gun and grabs the flowers. “Yeah,” he says and slams the door shut in the poor boy’s startled face.

“Who was it?” Mac asks. He came closer and his bare feet were so silent on the hardwood floor that Jack didn’t even notice him.

“You got flowers,” Jack informs Mac suspiciously, turning the bouquet this way and that, as if it might explode in his hands.

“Me?” Mac asks, surprised. Then he pulls out the card from the greenery, and opening it, he reads the content aloud, “This afternoon was fun. Thank you for allowing me to finish my job. See you soon. XOXO… Murdoc.”

Gritting his teeth furiously, Jack turns on his heel, throws the door open and chucks the bouquet out before slamming the door shut again. “What a damn creep!” he mutters, rubbing his hands against his thighs, because even touching those flowers made him feel dirty.

But Mac’s still looking down at the card, a pensive frown his only reaction. “What do you think he meant by that, ‘finish my job’?” he asks Jack, looking up.

Jack opens his mouth to snap that he doesn’t care, that he just wants this guy run over by a truck or something, anything that would get the nutjob out of their lives once and for all. Before he can say it, though, his phone rings and picks it up, barking, “What?!”

When he hears who’s on the other end of the line, though, he dials down his anger a notch. “Sorry, Matty. We have a little bit of a situation here,” he says and puts her on speaker.

“Well, we have ‘a little bit of a situation’ here, too, Jack!” Matty retorts, just as annoyed. “John Liebowitz? The guy you pulled out of the drainage system this afternoon? He’s dead.”

Mac and Jack exchange looks.

“What happened?” Mac asks, the card in his hand forgotten for the moment.

If Matty’s surprised to hear Mac’s voice, she doesn’t show it. “Someone shot him while he was leaving the hospital,” she informs them. “A clean headshot from at least two hundred yards away. It was a professional hit. Whoever did it, must’ve followed the rescue operation closely if they knew when and where to pick him off like that. Cops are looking into it but they don’t think it’s connected to--”

“Oh, it’s connected alright,” Jack interrupts her, his voice dripping with sarcasm, as both he and Mac look down at the card in Mac’s hand.

…This afternoon was fun. Thank you for allowing me to finish my job. See you soon...

There’s a pause, then Matty asks suspiciously, “Jack? What aren’t you two telling me?”

Sighing, Mac rubs his forehead. “Matty, I think it would be best if we explained everything at the office?”

Another pause, heavy with suspicion. “Be here in an hour,” Matty orders in the end and hangs up.

“Well, isn’t that just fantastic!” Jack grumbles, annoyed.

Mac sets the card down and stares at it for a moment. “Yeah,” he says quietly.

Jack frowns. “Hey, this is not your fault, you know that, right?” he states firmly. “Murdoc was hired to kill that Lieb-whatever dude before the fool went and got stuck in the sewers. If we hadn’t saved him, he would’ve drowned and saved Murdoc a bullet, that’s all. And if he hadn’t gone down there in the first place, Murdoc would’ve simply shot him this morning already.

“Mac, his death had nothing to do with us - with you!” he insists. Sure, he feels lousy about the whole thing, too - the guy was a spoiled man-child but he didn’t deserve to be murdered in cold blood - but to see Mac so dejected... well, that Jack simply cannot take.

“Right,” Mac replies quietly, obviously unconvinced. “I’ll just… I’ll get changed and then we can go.” And with that, he turns and walks away, down the hallway and towards his bedroom, his footsteps heavy.

“Fuck!” Jack curses softly, ready to tear that murdering psycho apart with bare hands. For a madman, the guy certainly knows what buttons to push!

… XOXO Murdoc…

“Fuck…”

[tumblunni]

NEW STEVEN UNIVERSE AND BUNNI RANTS THOUGHTS ABOUT IT

* i love zircon and i feel so sorry for zircon aaa And even for Other Slightly More Smug Rival Zircon! I mean, they’re both just doing their job and it was merely a stroke of fate that the blue one got assigned to steven’s side of the trial. Rival Zircon barely even got two lines of dialogue so we dont even know if she was remotely evil or just like.. well, a smug office rival. It was a really nasty shock that yellow diamond just poofed both of them! I hope they’re okay when they reform, i hope they dont get blamed for what happened and shattered or something!! steven plz come back and rescue the endearing neutral office gems along with the more clear ally ones and stuff * I’m not quite sure if Zircon was right, though... I mean yellow diamond being 100% super bad and having framed rose for killing pink diamond would probably be in-character but it wouldnt be revealed so soon if it was what actually happened, right? What I took from this instead is that maybe Pearl was actually pink diamond’s pearl, and she’s the one who betrayed her instead? OR... possibly whenever we finally get white diamond revealed, she’s the one who’s the big evil boss who did it all? at least we saw some sort of statue of her so we can confirm she has the crazy cool goku hair, lol * I LOVE THE OFF COLOURS AAAA * I kinda love that its now canonical that conjoined twins can happen with gems, I mean its always nice to know that your favourite fictional characters could be like you which is why I think its great the show has all these different disability metaphors. Also I did not know that that kind of strange shape is actually possible with Rutile gems! * also, as predicted, I ADORE CENTIPEDE GRANDMA!!! and apparantly she’s a fusion of like.. the most gems ever. Polyamory grandmas! Combined into the ultimate grandma!!! did anyone else picture that ‘ariel needs legs’ comic tho ‘seven fusions... maybe more. imagine.’ * I think it’s spelled Paradshvana? No, its parashivana, I think. I hope she gets mentioned in a book or a comic or something so I can make sure I have the correct spelling of her name. But I love her! I like that the writers picked a type of sapphire that has such an interesting name, it helps set her apart from the blue one we all know and love. * LARS IS STEPPING UP!! aaaaa I’m actually kinda liking lars A LOT, he’s had so much character development and for once is actually keeping it between episodes and showing self awareness of his problems and providing actual reasons for why he’s doing them, rather than just sitting there refusing everyone else who keeps trying to help and support his salty ass. I wish we’d seen actual signs of this a lot earlier though, tbh it feels more like theyre rewriting his character rather than revealing something that was always there. * I didnt expect that humans would actually have an advantage against gem tech that only recognises gems! that was a cool way to have lars actually be able to make an impact when he gets his character development and decides to fight back. It was pretty badass! * okay, I’d seen so much speculation about the lars death thing and then i got spoiled for him being revived by steven’s magic somehow, so it didnt have as much of an impact. but it still hit my heart a little even as someone who knew it was coming and someone who ABSOLUTELY HATED LARS until like right this exact episode when he finally showed some character depth. But still, even if it succeeded at being sad, it kinda suffered a lot from the show’s usual rushed pacing. Like.. even in a ‘one hour special’ it seemed like every episode was still forced to work as a standalone and squish every plot point into 15 minutes. We BARELY got actually meet the off colours before we moved on to this next lars death plot, and like.. he died SO FAST, and it had barely a moment to breathe before he’s suddenly back. You couldnt even really tell what killed him, he just fell off the exploded robonoid and was dead immediately. And like.. with no clear wounds except one small face scar, so it seems like it did indeed run on harmless cartoon explosion rules. And I guess he just fell too far and hit his head or something.I mean I know they couldnt show a guy realistically covered in burns with limbs missing or whatever, but could they have at least had him covered in shadow or something so the nature of his wounds is left up to out imagination? When it all goes by so fast it seems almost unintentionally comical that he died by just falling over a little too hard.I mean, characters have survived way longer falls in this show even if in real life you obviously wouldnt... And SERIOUSLY give us more than FIVE SECONDS to believe he might be really dead, before reviving him with a never foreshadowed new magical power. Clearly it actually was planned out a long time earlier in the show, but somehow it still feels like a bit of a cop out? I just hope this faux death revival magic has some sort of further plot effects, and could be like a catalyst for Lars’s character development or something. Cos its clear that he didn’t just come back the same as before, it seems this magic comes with some kind of cost to it.. * IMMEDIATELY WE SEE SEVERAL COSTS TO IT * okay lars is LITERALLY A ZOMBIE * a CANDYFLOSS ZOMBIE * what the FUCK * steven how did you somehow never notice lion had a weird zombie heartbeat * wait i guess steven must have assumed lion was a gem creature of some sort * WAIT LARS IS LIKE A GEM HYBRID MUTANT ZOMBIE * he isnt even hungry or tired?? suddenly?? that must be?? REALLY FRIGHTENING?? WHAT THE FUCK?? * why is this episode SO RUSHED, why are you throwing terrifying existential horror and then just immediately lars is left trapped on homeworld and thats the end, and we dunno how long we’re gonna have to wait for the next episode or if it’ll actually address this or anything!!! * GAHHHH * also in retrospect WE DIDNT SEE ANY OF HOMEWORLD DURING THIS ARC. We still know practically nothing about their culture, aside from a mild bit of hope that the gems they persecute are at least able to escape and have a small sort of rebellion here rather than all being destroyed. But seriously there must have been millions who’ve been slated for shattering and only this tiny group managed to keep hidden long enough to meet steven... gahhh how many friends has centipede grandma seen die... * but okay seriously LARS IS A GEM ZOMBIE THING * and this means LION IS ALSO DEAD * LION HOW DID YOU GET HURT AAAAA * oh god so rose must have rescued him and then he had to see his whole lion family die and sit around for ages waiting for rose to come back and now all he can do is try and protect her son. poor loyal pet... poor hachiko: kitty edition... * WTF LARS IS DEAD AND HE’S STUCK ON A PARALLEL WORLD AND HE CAN NEVER EAT AGAIN AND HIS WHOLE FUCKING JOB AND HOBBY WAS COOKING and AAAA he’s the one out of everyone who was most hung up on like.. Normal Human Society Things. of all people, this is the most torture for him! god, the only consolation is that the off colours chose to stay there and protect him, and maybe it’ll help him work out his issues to be away from it all and have some close friends he can relate to. Cos like.. we all know steven and co are always trying to be his friends, but he had that weird inferiority superiority complex that kept him from accepting the friendship. At least we know here that he feels he’s able to be equals with these gems, and they’ll all be able to protect each other and learn from each other in different ways. But still DEAR GOD POOR LARS I thought you were an asshole but I didnt want you to GET TRAPPED IN SPACE AS AN ADORABLE ZOMBIE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA * steven could you like.. throw the ube cake through the portal. i mean he cant even enjoy eating it anymore but it might still help him feel better. * steven can you throw rebecca sugar through the portal so everyone can throw legos at her for writing such torturous fates for all her characters then throw her back cos i mean its not like anyone’s gonna get a happy ending to the show if it ends on this cliffhanger, lol but still LEGOS * steven can you throw the ube through the portal to me and I’ll eat it and write a review for lars and maybe send him a small plush doll of himself * rebecca sugar can you open like a mailbox to all your characters where I send them letters encouraging them to keep going even though the world is cruel as fuck ok thanks bye * I STILL REALLY LOVE CENTIPEDE GRANDMA THOUGH * and zircon had better be okay! please tell me she escapes and ends up joining the off colours or something * also can we have the same for topaz + topaz thanks * this is just the arc of introducing fifty new characters and not being able to save any of them and also one already introduced character is also LITERALLY FUCKING DEAD * aaaaa