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kyojurosprettygirl · 1 year ago

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ok so... Gyomei and gorgon! reader? (like medusa) she turns ppl to stone of they look at her but he's blind, so he's immune. reader is very lonely and when she meets Gyomei they're happy to finally talk to someone. Gyomei also gets some eyewear so she doesn't hurt anyone else as they be together. she'd wear a cloak or hijab to hide her snakes. as they walk together and the snakes on reader's head also likes gyomei Hhehvibdnvjfnf

a/n: I love the way you think!!! GOSH, i feel this is perfect for Gyomei (UvvvU) I rarely see anyone write for Gyomei, so I was pretty excited to write for him, but very nervous as well! Since, I don't feel I know enough of his character, and as far as im aware, hasn't been animated in action that much. I can really only write him based on what I know from his wiki and manga... Hope this atleast meets your expectations!! also, because of my lack of knowledge in Hijabs, I decided not to use that as a cover for her snakes, simply to be respectful, apolgies in advance!!

love casted in the stones.

Gyomei Himejima x Gorgon! Fem! reader

a man with tremendous faith, who never once doubted his gods plans for him, how peculiar, you think. he had every right to give up on religion, would a god really cast blindness upon their child? hell, you see and hear your own brother curse the gods for who they made you and him to be on the daily. but, he never thought of it as a set-back, rather, a small exchange.

in life, balance is an important part of it to upkeep. the same way life does to death, and darkness does to light. unbalance would bring chaos, something you learned to understand. it cannot always be day, but it cannot always be night. to him, losing one sense simply acted as a sacrifice, let the illness take you, or, let the illness take your sight. losing your sight isn't a curse, its not something you'd willingly live without, sure, but what good will cursing the gods out because of it do for you? besides, you can't get it back, so why dwell on it? why dwell on something you cannot change? It is a part of you, why not embrace it?

but oh, does it get lonely...

"furukawa." your tone is stern and harsh, a drastic difference from the soft honey your tone usually held. he stutters and closes his eyes, furrowing his brows he sighs. you gently remove his prayer beads from his hands and kneel next to him, you look up at him expectantly and he kneels next to you. hes embarrassed you caught him in such a state.

having lost faith isn't something unheard of, it happens almost every day, infact gorgons are known to be faithless beings by default, but, cursing the gods you swear you don't believe in is unheard of. gorgons had no reason to believe in the higher powers when, lets face it, if they existed, they wouldn't curse the souls they created for no apparent reason. gorgons are faithless as a means to respect the gods, not to detest them. they know gods are supposed to love every being they sculpted, lead them to abundance and fortune, not into the hidden parts of the earth to live the rest of their lives as mere folktale and legends. but alas, 'lost' faith still lingers. deep down, gorgons still believe. the reason why is subjective, 'to each their own', but they all hold their arms out in hope. hope that they'll hear their desperate cries to allow them to live with the others who walk on the planet.

most your kind, mistaken as demons, had been killed in what the last of your kind knows as 'The Great Extinction'. you can't blame the humans, it was in their instincts to survive.. ugly faces that had snakes for hair...ones that couldn't wait to bite and poison you...glowing silver eyes that turn you to stone while your still alive, feeling the very painful change your body was going through.. your kind truly was demonic, but you didn't choose to live that way. You were innocent souls that had been dealt the unfortunate, forced to hide away simply for being born. it was a horrible fate, but, 'everything happens for a reason'

"it's a wonder this temple is still standing," you pause and look at him. he nods, his eyes casted to the floor. you tap his cheek and offer him a gentle smile, one he returns. "speak to me, Kaito." you place his prayer beads down, and face him. he opens his mouth to speak, but sighs. "i can't find the words." his snakes sensed his sadness and awoke to try and comfort him, but he simply brushes them away gently and orders them to stop. they sit still on his head the way hair naturally would, and close their eyes to rest once again. "we're not going to exist soon. after you and i die, that's it." you wince subtly and look to the side.

kaito and his grandfather had taken you and your grandmother away from where your kind had hidden themselves for generations, a group of humans having found it and planned an attack that killed them all. 'they've gotten smarter' kaitos grandfather said. 'used mirrors to kill us!' your grandmother shouted, anger filled her soul. after many weeks of hiding, once your grandparents deemed it safe to go back to your old home, you went back. you spent a year burying statues of those you called friends and family, and rebuilt one single home to live in. you and kaito went as far to bury humans statues simply because 'it was the right thing to do.' your grandmother died angry, and kaitos grandfather had died depressed.

"and maybe it's for the better, kaito." his brows furrow, frustration evident in his face. "we're going to all die out and never experience the way life was mean't to be lived. all we know is that demons walk upon us and eat everyone they see-" you pinch his arm, "we are apart of those demons kaito. that's what the humans see us as. monsters. they won't accept us with open arms, just one more issue to deal with. two of us versus millions of them. " he grunts. "you shouldn't curse the gods who keep us alive and hidden." he gets up. "oh, you mean the ones who keep us alive to mourn everyone whos died. keep us alive to hide and only see the sun for one hour a day. is that what we live for? is that what we thank them for? for absolutely nothing?" you stare and him and grab his prayer beads, gently fixing them into the correct position in his hands. you take your own prayer beads out and hold them, closing your eyes. "protect us. it's all i ask of you." kaito prays the same as you and smiles.

you and kaito venture out during the night, deciding to find ways to blend in as you traveled. for about two hours into the night all seemed fine, but a demon had made their way to you both, mistaking you as humans. she growled as she jumped at you and kaito, you and him barley missing her attack, and you looked at kaito for a plan. he shrugged and you realized she didn't turn to stone. your eyes widen as you speak, "she's immune to us, she's a demon.." kaitos eyes widen and he runs to grab you. he helps you to your feet and commands you to run. in a state of panic, you do as told, and its only when you hear a humans agonizing scream when you realize he wasn't following. "Kaito!" you scream, he turns around to face you and he looks afraid. You reach your hand out and run to him, "Kaito!" you scream again. He reaches his hand out to you, and your three feet away when a blade finds it's way infront of you, cleanly beheading him. You gasp and open your mouth to scream, it's silent. its once his head falls to the floor when you kneel down and find it in you to scream. You hold his head close to your body and weep. You look up at the demon slayer, making eye contact, and you don't realize your mistake until his arms are stuck in place. "im sorry! im sorry! im sorry!" you frantically repeat. his eyes widen and he screams in pain, you don't look away as you watch him turn to stone; punishing yourself. you made that bed, now you lay in it.

you stayed on the floor holding kaitos head until sunrise.

once you stood up, you analyzed the landscape and came to the conclusion that he had ripped off the demons head with his bare hands, his hands still having blood on them, and had made eye contact with the first demon slayers partner; turning her to stone, evident in the way her body stayed in a fighting position. mistaking him for a demon, her partner beheaded him, which led to the events that followed. you gently placed kaitos head down and lifted his limp body to drag him onto a bed of flowers near by. once you did you placed his head next to him and let the last few tears out. you grabbed the demon slayers and placed them near his body, gently, and placed yours and kaitos prayer beads around their neck.

"this is fucking sick." sanemi says. tengen looks at kaitos body and then the two slayers statues. "how disturbing.." he sighs. Sanemi looks at tengen, "so, what do you think this is?" tengen crosses his arms and looks at the scene again. "a demon, 's the only explanation." sanemi rolls his eyes, "Yeah, no shit. but what kind. we need to have an idea of what we're dealing with. we were sent to investigate and all you can conlcude is 'demon!'" tengen grunts and shrugs, scratching his head. "we won't know until we face it. for now, its just a demon that has the ability to turn people to stone." sanemi kicks Kaitos body, "and this?" tengen, not being able to think of anything shrugs at sanemi. sanemi hums to himself, "it might have the ability to turn humans into gorgon like creatures, having them do its dirty work,i mean.." sanemi pauses to pick up kaitos head from his dead snakes and holds it up for tengen to see. "snakes" tengen says. "well he's not a demon, he was beheaded and his bodies here, so he could be an extension that won't die until the main body does." tengen says, too serious for his liking he continues. "unflashy way to die if you ask me." sanemi stares tengen down and tengen laughs. "let's take this back, we need the others opinions as well." they make their way back to the headquarters to have another pillar meeting.

you spent what felt like years hiding in the forests, but it was only a few months. you only ever snuck into villages during the night to take food and maintain your hygiene, laying low for the rest of the time unknowingly giving people more reason to think of you as a demon and keeping the demon slayer corps on their feet. no matter what, the only evidence they had to go off of was village peoples words. there was too many people confirming you existed, but not enough proof that you were actually there. after those two slayers; they hadn't seen any more of people turning to stone, just stolen food and a shadowed figure with snakes sticking out of their silhouette. you weren't a danger to them. 'for now' they said. The master had decided to send a final order on your matter, to keep an eye out for you and if you were seen to behead you. You were no longer being scouted for, nor investigated, so you used this as your chance to freely wander around the forest as pleased, allowing yourself to indulge in the lushness of the earth. Kaito would've liked all of this.

it was lonely for the longest time, you hadn't used your voice in months and the forest became your home. you walked in its paths as a lonely soul, having forgotten the sound of kaitos and your grandmothers voice, so there was nothing to hold onto in those dark moments, deciding to allow yourself to get hurt by demons that crossed your path and only running when you heard foreign footsteps or when it got too painful.

your heart pumped in your chest, 'is this really what im doing now?' you thought to yourself. the cold wind caressed your sweaty body, cooling you down after your face off with death. the wind was silent, but created soft sounds with the trees leaves near by. you found yourself walking to the singular wisteria tree in the area, it was the biggest you'd seen and it was absolutely gorgeous. your snakes had awoken and they stayed still, a silent way to ask for permission, you giggle and say yes, they can play. they nuzzle your face and you begin to cry, an overwhelming feeling taking over you. you felt heavy weight come off of you as your snakes "stood" to play in the wisteria flowers. you laughed to yourself and let wisteria envelop your figure; finding comfort in such a beautiful sight , completely forgetting exactly what you were running from...

Mitsuri abruplty stops her chase, causing Gyomei to stop with her. "Kanroji?" Gyomei asks. she looks over at you as your engulfed in wisteria, completely fine, she stutters a little before getting her sentence out, "she's completely engulfed in wisteria, she seems completely fine." she gasps when she sees you grab into the flowers and cry, "she's grabbing it even, it's doing nothing to her! are we sure she's a demon?" Gyomei hums, "it's the only valid explaination Kanroji, she must be more powerful than we thought if she can withstand the wisteria." Mitsuri shakes her head, "No, Himejima! theres no way she's a demon. No matter what, demons experience effects from the flowers, if she only hurt three people, she's weak enough for it to paralyze her!" Gyomei nods, "i see." he states. They stay there and they debate their next move. "we must find a way to take her to the master." he says, Mitsuri hums in agreement, "should we just.." she pauses, "how are we going to do that.." Gyomei thinks for a moment, hearing your laughter causes thin tears to cascade over his face, "it sounds so innocent, so full of life" he thinks. "are you okay Gyomei?" mitsuri asks, he nods, "it's just because of her laughter." mitsuri quietly lets an 'oh' escape her, she always forget's that the smallest things can make him cry. she looks over at you and she can hear it too, she wonders how you can be so happy and caught in the moment. "mitsuri?" she looks over at gyomei, "Yes?" He turns his heaed to the sound of her voice, "can you describe her to me?" she smiles, "ofcourse, gyomei!" she takes you in and begins to speak after a moment. "She has many really long black snakes on her head, like hair it seems..and they're playing in the wisteria. beautiful eyes, ones that glow in a way similar to the moon. other than that, she looks completely human, as far as I can tell. she's wearing a black kimono, with small detailings that match the color of her eyes." she stares at gyomei expectingly, and smiles. "thankyou mitsuri" he says. she hums fondly as a way to say your welcome, and goes back to looking at you. she and gyomei begin to walk towards you, trying to stay far enough so that you don't get scared and so that you don't harm them. you hear mitsuri sheathe her blade and your head snaps to her, her snakes quickly snapping back onto your head and closing their eyes, going back to their usual resting state. you step back and cover your eyes, holding your free arm out. "no!" you scream, voice hoarse from lack of usage. "please," you get on your knees, "if i.." you let out a shakey breath, "if we make eyecontact, you will turn to stone." your lips quiver, and gyomei hears the almost silent whimper you let out. mitsuri steps back and looks away, urging gyomei to follow suit, instead, he plants himself in place. mitsuri isn't afraid, she just wants to make you feel safe enough so that you'll allow her to take you to Ubuyashiki. "does it apply to those who are blind?" he asks, and you calm down at the softness in his voice. "i don't want to find out." you say, and you panic as he removes your hand from your eyes. you gasp and shut your eyes. "she has her eyes shut Himejima.." mitsuri states. he closes his eyes, "my eyes are closed, you can look at me." you open one day to look at him, and it's then when you realize how much bigger he is than when you first saw him. he unexpectedly opens his eyes, and you panic at first, noting how he doesn't move, but then you realize he has no pupils. "so it must not apply to the blind then." he says, tears escape your eyes, "i guess not.." you say. you indulge in the moment, and carefully place your hands on his face, giving him an out. he doesn't move. "you.." you begin, your voice wavering. "i can look you safely in the eyes." you exhale a laugh in disbeleif and smile. he smiles back, being able to hear your smile. "you can." mitsuri softly says, trying her hardest to not look you in the eyes, and suddenly, your no longer conscious.

your body lays infront of them in the shaded area of the garden as four demon slayers keep their blades pointed at your neck. the pillars talking among each other, some bickering about what they think you are, as they wait for the master to make his appearance. "we had it under control!" mitsuri states, the lower ranked demon slayer huffs. "didn't seem like it. the sun was coming up and we needed to get that demon to the master before the sun killed it." gyomei sighs, "you are mistaken, she's not a demon. the wisteria would have paralyzed her if she was" mitsuri nods and huffs. the kakushi near by hits the demon slayer in the head. "watch how you talk to the hashira!" you wake up and gasp as one of the blade inchs close to your neck. you catch yourself before you look up at the demon slayer and push your head down, causing the other blade to dig intself into your neck. letting out a yelp, it silences all the hashira. they quickly look above their heads to avoid making eyecontact and meet eyes with gyomei. He can't see you, but he can hear you well enough to know where you are and looks your way regardless. you keep your eyes locked on gyomei.

after a very long meeting,not everyone is fond of you. you are a danger, a small mistake will lead to bigger ends. but gyomei still insists that you aren't, explaining what he knows to his comrades, trying to get them to understand. once the meeting ends, and you apologize to the master for having turned two of his children to stone. he gives you his condolonces for losing your brother, and you decide to stay where you were and face the wall. you weren't demon, but you might as well have been one, atleast then they'd have a reason to get rid of you, atleast then they won't feel like they'll have to watch out for you for the rest of their time in the corps. you couldn't go to the villages, but you couldn't stay out in the forest, you were split. Ubuyashiki decided to have you be under Shinobu's care, since she seemed the most levelheaded in the situation. She agreed, as long as the master gave her time to prepare the butterfly girls and until she knew enough about you. he agreed.

gyomei sits next to you, to keep you company he says. and you both sit there for awhile. just enjoying each others presence. you hum a lullaby softly, and you both stay in silence until the end of it. once you stop, gyomei speaks up. "what is it you said you were?" he asks softly, trying to keep the peaceful atmosphere. "a gorgon" you say, and he hums. "i see." you snicker at that, "no you don't". and you cover your mouth, you had forgotten he wasn't your friend, it might be seen as rude. you open your mouth to apologize and he laughs. "i'll give you that one, that was hilarious!" he calms down and clears his throat. "it's not often that people joke with me, especially about my sight. they fear they'll hit a nerve if they do." you breathe out, "i just thought i did.." he hums and smiles. "stone breather, they said," you start, you hesitate, "do you like, breathe real stone?" he snickers. "i'll explain it to you, if you explain your eyes and hair to me." you giggle and shake his hand in a flimsy manner, "deal!" you say.

"are they just, staring at a wall?" Obanai says. Mitsuri shakes her head quickly, "no, they're falling in love!" he nods to her as a way to say 'okay, whatever you say' and she walks infront of Obanai. "just wait!" she perks up, "you should've seen them when we first found her!" she puts her hands on her cheeks and fondly smiles at the memory. Obanai shifts in place and changes the subject, them both walking away as they leave you and gyomei.

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em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 5 months ago

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I don’t know why I had this random thought popped up in my head all of a sudden but I feel like what the thing Alicent is most jealous of Rhaenyra is her motherhood like we all know that even though Alicent is resentful towards rhaenyra bc rhaenyra does essentially gets treated like the bby of the family in which she can pretty much do whatever she wants w/o consequence from her father (kind of giving me the eldest sister who suffers the most consequence from her actions & held to a more higher standard vs the youngest who gets away with everything, which is understandable but I lost empathy w/ Alicent a bit when she lets it consumes her & extend it to her children to cause even further división even though it’s not 100% her fault in a way that her shit of a father warped her into this person but still as an adult she’s also aware of what she’s doing but anyways..) but when I watch Alicent along with her children, there’s such a disconnect between them vs when I watch rhaenyra along w/ her children, there’s so much emotions, love, & bonding that I can’t help but think further cause her resentment towards rhaenyra bc not only she gets favorable treatment but motherhood just comes naturally towards her as well. Idk, sorry for the disorganized ramblings, it’s just what stuff like this pops in my head it takes me for a ride lol

Hey, nonnie!

I really like this analysis. I do think a lot of her resentment comes from this, too, on reflection. Alicent was only a child when she started having children; I'm sure on many levels she feels frozen at that age. It makes sense to me, the respective casting of her children and her - I know there's criticism of how there's like NO age gap IRL between the casting for the characters of a mother and her children, but I appreciate how this highlights Alicent's juvenility at the time she gave birth. In many respects, she's stuck where her children have aged from the neglect they've received. Sorta an incidental casting flub that makes for some really interesting symbolic subtext to the narrative the show is presenting.

All this in mind, there's no wonder that Alicent would come to feel envy for Rhaenyra. Her role in society is marriage and motherhood, and she is not able to excel at either by virtue of circumstances out of her control. Still, she pushes for duty and devotion, because she's good and she's been raised to do the right thing. And then you have Rhaenyra, who has "flouted all" and done as she liked, and yet somehow has managed to achieve her societal goals and do it better than she has. Her children clearly idolise her; she first has Laenor, who was friendly enough with her to willingly claim her sons, and then Daemon, who while a wild card is evidently in her corner; and she even holds the vaunted title of heir over Alicent's sons. It must be infuriating. I don't blame her for that. I do blame her for how she's acted on those feelings, though. Well, blame isn't the word for it. More that I think it's dangerous in ANY respect to use someone's past trauma as a catch-all to absolve them of wrongdoing. Alicent is not a good person, but that doesn't mean she didn't also have a horrible youth and a right in her own mind to behave the way she has.

Lol, sorry for my disorganised and rambling response! It makes me froth to think of all the baggage these characters have. It's why I cannot truly despise any of them (notwithstanding the fact that it's just a show and none of it is real, of course). They all have their own damage and they do bad things because of that. What a fucked-up world they live in. Give me more of it!

#fandom asks #alicent hightower

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average-guy-reviews · 2 years ago

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The Little Mermaid (2023)

"The youngest of King Triton's daughters, Ariel, is a beautiful and spirited young mermaid with a thirst for adventure. Longing to find out more about the world beyond the sea, Ariel visits the surface and falls for the dashing Prince Eric. Following her heart, she makes a deal with the evil sea witch, Ursula, to experience life on land."

While I do enjoy a good Disney film, and I do regularly use their streaming service, I am far from a huge Disney fan. I find theirs, and others, needs for constant remakes or reboots irritating. Yet something about this one intrigued me from the get go. I can't remember when I last watch the animated version, and it's been well over 30 years since I read the original story. Yet here I was, happily sat front row for the Mouse's newest 'life-action' offering.

Up to this point, the live action remakes/reboots from the company have been spotty. Other than Cruella (and even that was close), I haven't enjoyed the remakes. I have just found them poorly made, badly written, or just NOT live action, Lion King I'm looking at you here....it was just differently animated. It wasn't 'live-action'. With this film though the House of Mouse may have bucked the trend.

With four perfectly cast actors in the main roles of Ariel, Triton, Eric, and Ursula, they have given us a live action adaptation that pays homage to the original yet feels fresh at the same time. It isn't a full shot for shot remake but when it was it was delightful and spoke perfectly to my inner child. The scene on the rock with the wave crashing behind Ariel legitimately had me giddily clapping my hands. Throughout the film there were several moments that sent a ripple of laughter through the audience, and at the end a good portion of the viewers were clapping. It is an entrancing movie that will reignite a sense of childlike wonder in your head, even if only while in the cinema.

Halle Bailey, as Ariel, was exquisite. Her voice is so beautiful, and the changes made to some of the songs she sang were smooth and fitted the film perfectly. Her Ariel was a strong yet naive young woman, and she was fabulous in a role that is so iconic to so many people. I really enjoyed her performance, and I look forward to whatever she does next.

Now I need to be honest here....when I first heard that Melissa Mccarthy was going to be in this film as Ursula, I was disappointed. I don't like her. I genuinely cannot think of a film of hers that I have sat through and enjoyed. She'll never read this, but I'd like to apologise to her now. I was wrong. You were perfectly cast as the vile sea witch, and I don't say that to be mean or sarcastic. She brought out the malevolence of one of the most putrid Disney villains in a perfect way that I just did not expect. She was brilliant, and her version of Poor Unfortunate Souls was perfectly pitched to highlight the two-faced vindictive nature of the character while still trying hard to elicit a little sympathy. It didn't work Melissa you were horrible. Thank you.

Eric, played by Jonah Hauer-King, could have been played by Harry Styles, and I have to thank the casting director for NOT doing that. Hauer-King's Prince is a man of the people that is loved and respected, as well as a man out of place looking for his own direction. It was a delightful performance and easily the most believable of the main four. As for King Triton? The big fish of the seas, the king of the underwater folks, and a tough grumpy fella with a little nugget of gold in his heart? I honestly cannot think of anyone else that would have fit it as well as Javier Bardem. Bravo, sir....

But it's not all seashells and shiny rocks. Some of the CGI was lacking, in design as well as quality.....to me at least. I totally understand why Flounder and Sebastian couldn't look like they did in the animation. They were going for a more realistic vibe, and that's great, but the artistic choices for these characters were not well made. I definitely think they could have put more effort, or thought, into them. The worst CGI 'culprit' for me was Ursula in her giant final form. It just didn't look good and, while it didn't pull me out of the story, it certainly didn't add any more depth to the big climactic scene.

Overall, this is a really solid release from Disney and, again for me, easily the best live action adaptation of an animated classic. It has its issues, but it's a decent movie that I genuinely found myself enjoying immensely. It's getting a solid 7/10 with a recommendation to everyone to give it a go. Hopefully Disney have turned a corner with these adaptations, but let's see what they do with the angry blue alien...

#disney #animation #mermaids #ariel #live action #remake #halle bailey #melissa mccarthy #movies #reviews #cinema #odeon

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unboundpower · 26 days ago

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This was…very troubling, indeed. Zamasu was initially at a loss for words, struggling to both make sense of her claims and find an appropriate way to address them. The sight of her tears brought him further pause. He was not good at this sort of thing, never having needed to console someone before. Or maybe, he has once. Centuries ago, where he lived amongst his kin as a purehearted entity. Though he was never all that close to his brethren, since the massive age gaps possessed no bridges to close them. It didn't help that he was born in an era where there were no other Kai which matured from the Kaiju…

He was especially dumbfounded by her claims of failing him, and making things worse. Especially…it was her fault his life was ruined?

None of that made any sense.

❝ Ninazu…be reasonable. ❞ Zamasu began, tone contemplative and steady - aside from the underlaying confusion. ❝ How could you possibly take any blame for my imprisonment? It was my actions that lead to this. To you and the others confronting me. ❞

His actions lead to more than just that. Being forced to stay here, without his power or any means of leaving the planet, has given him plenty of time to finally THINK about everything. To confront his thoughts and feelings, to think back to when the start of his change into what he became could've happened. He could still vividly remember his time as Universe 10's North Kai. He could remember observing mortals with such keen awe and interest, invested in the growth of civilizations across many planets. He had loved mortals, genuinely.

When did that stop? What made that stop? And, his old master Gowasu…when did their relationship sour so horribly? Zamasu knew these events occurred, but it was as if time made them all blur into an indecipherable mess he couldn't comprehend. Just what had he been doing for all this time, pursuing a goal he thought was righteous? He had only cared about casting away the corrupted so planets could be born anew, free from strife and pain. When did he lose sight of that? Did he never truly see it in the first place?

❝ Your compassion is the reason why the Omni King spared my life, and has given me the opportunity to learn from my past sins. ❞ He didn't let the storm within his head bring silence to his voice. Snow white bangs swayed as his head dipped down. Learn from his sins…half of him wanted to believe they weren't true sins, his intentions were just and for the good of life as a concept itself, but the other half that recalled the lessons he was taught since his birth, to cherish any and all lifeforms…it thought otherwise.

❝ The others…choosing to protect me must seem like a foolish decision. It did to me, that day. But now, I cannot…I cannot find it within myself to hate you. I cannot see a justification for it. ❞

Out of all of the things he was having so much difficulty in understanding, that particular detail came to him easily.

@unboundpower / continued.

She should have locked the damn door. The temptation rises to say nothing, to sweep everything under the rug and merely pass it off as a bout of stress from some nondisclosed source; school, work, relationships. Anything would work. But the likelihood of getting away with that is low, especially when he's caught her in the act of dispelling the pent up emotion she's withheld for so long. No, she can't worm her way out of this one with frail lies that have no legs to stand on. (She curses her inability to pull it together before he came home, putting her in this predicament.)

Her lips part to speak, but she could produce no words. Every glance she garners of his face reopens the wounds, deepens the gash and makes the pain impossible to soothe.

❝I'm sorry,❞ she repeats, less hindered but still strained with a tremble. ❝I didn't… want you to see me like this. I…❞ She can't tell him to ignore it. Especially now, he wouldn't abide. Every breath becomes a little heavier, a little shakier, harder to control, and she's losing the battle to keep the dam at bay. Soon, the words find their own exit, ❝I didn't think it would be so hard. All I wanted to do was help, why does everyone-- why does everyone think it's okay to just… not even try to understand…?!❞ Her head remains bowed, forehead resting on her knees as she pauses to heave a sob no longer containable. Shortly after, her tremors stop, and her eyes lift upward, glistening with tears as she willfully meets his gaze.

❝I feel like I've failed you. Like I've-- I-I've made it worse for you. I fought so hard, but it didn't help, did it…? It just made things worse for you.❞ She tries her hardest to refrain from showing any sign of breaking, but the more she speaks, the harder it is to hide the strain in her throat. ❝You've been stuck here this whole time because of me. You're being punished because of me. It's my fault… and it's my fault so many people are upset…❞ The tremors return, her fingers gripping at her sleeves as more tears pool.

❝M-my fault s-so many lives are-- a-are ruined… including yours…❞ That labored voice breaks, ❝Don't you hate me like everyone else does?❞

#( im glad tumblr doesnt have discords annoying character limit lmao )#kiealer #zamasu // 🍏 ic 🍏#long post

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tododeku-or-bust · 3 years ago

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Troy, Summarized

All right, if you didn't go through all my #IcewatchesTroy posts, you can do that to get my live takes, but here's fine too.

First of all, I'm feeling like an EXCELLENT writer right now, watching this damn movie. I've been complimented on my characterization and im always bashful but now i know it's true. If i had to show people an example of how a movie plot is no good without solid character relationships and motivation, i would show them Troy.

Excellent cast. Exciting war visuals and cinematography. Enjoyable fight scenes. A classic plot.

👏🏾TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD RELATIONSHIP BUILDING. 👏🏾

The Iliad is a story practically based in how these characters interact, how their feelings about/respect for each other and their roles influence their questionable decisions, and the consequences of those decisions on themselves and the people around them. Paris & Helen. Agamemnon & Achilles. Achilles & Patroclus. Achilles & Hector. To not focus on the depth of those relationships, or to portray them poorly really undercuts much of the classic story.

Even if i don't care for the whole Achilles and Briseis romance line, if they just spent a little more of this 3 hour movie developing their relationship, i might go for it. I might understand why he somehow survives in the storyline to go back and save her, and it would hit. But... I don't see it. (Lmao and i guess that's fair bc just like in the story....shes a bedwarmer 🤣)

They want me to believe that Achilles is death-defyingly furious about Patroclus' death enough to desecrate Hector's corpse but.... i have not experienced enough time with his character Nor witnessed them have any depth of interaction that warrants this. I don't care that Patroclus is dead, only that it pushes the narrative, and that's wild asf bc his death is PIVOTAL in the story.

(Patroclus, baby, the slander directed toward you that is this movie is heartbreaking and you deserved SO, SO much better 😭 my fury deserves its own post on that, which I HAVE, somewhere.)

Again, this movie might as well be called "Hector of Troy" bc he is really the only person i care about, and who the movie spends time genuinely making sympathetic. I do not care one single wit about Paris or Helen. Really, it makes Paris and Helen just seem stupid asf, fr (and it might not have been so bad if they left in Aphrodite to show their illogical love but they didn't, so...)

This movie is pure tell and not show. It's weird, bc it's almost like you need understanding of The Iliad to get it, and yet with that foresight you just get frustrated.

That being said, I had a fun time! Like, the good bits of this movie are fantastic! I really enjoyed the action scenes; the fight with Achilles and Hector? Chef's 💋 So much fun. The acting? Really good! These actors deserved a better movie, truly!

(I'd watch again purely just to pause and see the outline of Brad's body in that scene. Sorry not sorry. Shit was tightly curvaceous. 🔥👌🏾👀)

P.S.: Everybody has the worst security in this movie 🤣 why is Helen not posted with the strongest guards as a whole Queen/Princess? She just be walking around, getting in the damn way, like girl! 🤣

Anyway 6.5/10, final result.

#IcewatchesTroy #troy #the iliad #achilles #hector of troy #greek mythology

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marciabrady · 1 year ago

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A LOT of what we take for granted in media and pop culture nowadays can be traced back to Snow White more than any other Disney film I think. Theme parks, merchandising, most cartoons, naturally most animated films, heck even anime and other live action films...A person doesn't have to be into Disney but they have to understand / respect Snow White's legacy.

EXACTLY. People are reacting to the desecration of one of the most historically and culturally impactful films of all time. And it isn't like it's just niche fans who are upset, since I know people are saying "who even liked Snow White, you all are using this as a reason to hate a 22 year old woman!!!" (Which btw in and of itself is such a ridiculous statement). But I guess people don't realize that the original director's son literally said that his dad and Walt Disney would be rolling around in their graves, with what's going on. And idk I'm just so sick of the horrible takes that are blindly supporting Rachel. I keep hearing a mixture of the below:

"Why are people upset at her- she didn't write or direct the movie? She's just repeating talking points Disney gave her!" First off, no one held a gun to her head and told her to grimace into the camera or to call Snow White's Prince a stalker or say that she never connected with the movie as a child. Those were her choices and that's her personality coming through. Secondly, it's been confirmed that she has had input on her role and *surprise* her portrayal of the character she was cast as. And third of all, people are upset at her because of her comments, but also because she's a mascot of this movie. She was literally paid to promote this film and be a face for the movie (she herself said that her name was above Snow White's on the title and people needed to get over it)- meaning, if the movie did well, she would've gotten most of the praise and attention, and if it didn't, she would've gotten the pushback. Just because there's a negative reaction doesn't absolve her from the responsibility of that title she chose to take on and was ready to reap the rewards off of.

I have also been seeing people say, 'She loves Snow White!' No she doesn't. She loves being cast as a lead in a Disney movie and took selfies in front of merch because she sees it as a reflection of herself. She hasn't listed a single quality she likes about the character- just why it's problematic to her, outdated, and how she wants to change everything about the personality. Not only that, she literally said she just watched the movie once as a kid and never picked it up again...like, why are people reaching and trying to put words and feelings in her mouth when she's already indicated the opposite?

"People are dogpiling on this poor woman because people hate girls!" I disagree. I think the reason everyone's having a kneejerk reaction is because this is the 100th live action movie no one asked for, and they've been spoon feeding us this incredibly reductive antifeminist take masquerading around as progressivism while not actually giving us anything pushing edge or revolutionary or edgy or meaningful in terms of representation. They're responding to trends 20 years too late and the movement has already progressed, and people have realized how harmful a lot of these takes were at the time.

"She's just a kid! She shouldn't be held responsible for what she said on the red carpet, she's too young!" She's an adult who was cast in a production that, at this point with post production, is going to cost half a billion dollars. She got paid millions for her role. She is bringing to live action the film that this entire company, one of the biggest in the world, is based off of. She has a team of PR agents, of representations, of communication experts training her on how to speak and promote the movie. Also, again, she's an adult! This infantilization of her for her unprofessional behavior is, frankly, insulting. She was given big shoes to fill, and you can't accept that responsibility and all that money, only to cower and say you aren't fit for those responsibilities once the heat comes on you. Furthermore, it wasn't that long ago that I was 22 and I didn't talk like that lol I had better sense than she did at like five. I don't even think 9 year olds would talk as disrespectfully about she did about a school assignment, much less one of the most important roles in cinematic history.

"People hate her because of her SAG strike comments and because she dared to stand up." No, people hate her for demanding streaming money from a movie that hasn't even come out yet, when all she's done is disparage the original creation fans are so upset about, and for being a hypocrite. Again, she's going to demand streaming rights for "standing in the dress of an iconic Disney Princess" when only a few months prior, she snickered and laughed at the Prince's scenes potentially being cut out in post production, saying "That's Hollywood, baby." Did she feel bad for her costars, there, when she was joking about it? I doubt he would've gotten paid residuals if his scenes all got cut. Maybe he should tell Rachel, "That's Hollywood, baby," if she doesn't get any money. And just to confirm- I do think actors should get residuals and compensated fairly, which goes without saying. It's just gross to see someone undermine the work of so many creative artists and talent, but be so quick to try to profit from it. Again, the way she was snickering and laughing "That's Hollywood, baby" makes me feel particularly uncomfortable.

#ask #anonymous #i could go on forever #the way people are blindly defending her #and trying to paint her intentions and words differently than the way she herself made them out to be is actually insane

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servicetopkaradanvers · 4 years ago

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I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place to say this, but I don't know if there is. And you're a smart person and critical thinker who has talked about this before. If this is totally weird, you can just delete it ofc. I've never properly watched Supergirl but I started reading fanfic around the time my mental health got real bad so it was a comfort thing I didn't bring too much thought to. I really identify with Lena and in the past, part of me has understood her actions-

and I know that they're wrong. The anti-alien rhetoric is obviously an allegory for racism or homophobia. She's violated people's basic human rights. And I'm scared that I'm a bad person because sometimes, I kind of get it. Which is insane because i'm a lesbian enby of color, i mean i get targeted by most of the -ist/ism actions. And I'm also too tired to think about things critically all the time. Supercorp was my comfort fic, content thing-

I knew it was problematic (the whole James thing makes me sick to my stomach, scared and sad) but I didn't know that Lena as a character was written that way. The metaphors never really clicked in my head because I never thought about it, but now I feel absolutely horrible about myself because I like and identify with Lena. I'm not really sure how to move on from here- I'm just tired. I wish there could be just one thing, one piece of media that wasn't prejudiced (granted sg is not the place to go if you want decent rep and the like) and all of those things I said earlier. Its just me somehow trying to justify how I felt and empathized with something I shouldn't have. So yeah, sorry that was really long. I hope you have a lovely day- sorry for the spam

FIRST of all, you’re fine, babe! Both in sending me this and in enjoying The Bad Media. That’s my thesis here: You’re fine. With this in mind, let’s unpack this big ol suitcase:

We’re living in a fandom moment where more than ever before, we’re thinking about the ideas we consume in fiction and how they may or may not affect us. This is a net positive! Fiction is not reality, but it undeniably impacts it, so for this and many other reasons, we should always think critically about what resonates with us and why. Does this mean dissecting every facet of something to find all the ways it might fall in line with oppressive power structures? Absolutely not.

You, as an individual, do not owe anyone an explanation for why you enjoy anything. Period. How you relate to a given character or why you like them is nobody's business but your own.

Supergirl, as a piece of media, is singularly awful in its lackluster lipservice to progressivism while simultaneously refusing to deliver any progressive themes. Socially and politically, it is a useless liberal wet dream. Kara is an immigrant from a dead culture working as the muscle for a secret FBI offshoot with zero accountability for all of the other aliens in diaspora she has rounded up and dumped into a cell without trial. Alex is allegedly a lesbian, but the key points of her endgame relationship are constantly deemed not important enough to get screen time, which is made even more absurd when examined from the angle that this series is marketed directly toward LGBT people. An embarrassing percentage of villains on this show are women of color, which is particularly loud when there are only 2 women in the main cast who aren't white. And "main" is extremely generous, given that Kelly is just there to Give Advice Good and everything M'gann says and does is as dry as toast.

My point here is that the whole show is rotted to its roots, and whatever quietly libertarian or even fascism-enabling bullshit they push onto Lena in a given week is par for the crusty, shitty course. Kara deciding that she's ok with the alien detection device because "there are bad aliens" is a lovely (read: awful) microcosm of why this show sucks so fucking hard. "People are entitled to their opinions" is for debates on whether pineapple goes on pizza, not for whether we should casually out, endanger, and disenfranchise our [insert minority metaphor here] because some of them are mean.

But what I would love for this fandom to wrap its head around, and what I hope you understand, anon, is that just because it happens on the show, doesn't mean we have to give a rat's ass about it. What the hell is The Canon, anyway? Especially in the case for Supergirl, which can't even get its own continuity right. Especially for an IP that has been rebooted dozens of times before and will be rebooted again in the future. We can just decide that Lena realized the horrible injustices she enabled through her position of power. We can even decide that they just didn't happen at all! This is all fake. It's not set in stone. Who came up with it, anyway? A network with a list of buzzwords they want included and a couple of D-tier showrunners cranking down caffeine to meet an absurdly tight deadline. It's not special. I can guarantee that you care about it infinitely more than they do, and you haven't even watched the damn show.

On a more personal level, people who are hurt, depressed, or traumatized have always and will always look for themselves in fiction. Myself included! And despite what lofty platitudes there may be on the matter, suffering does not make us kind. It does not make us better. Sometimes it's just suffering. Often it pulls us further from who we are meant to be. Often it just makes us "worse."

Trauma has made Lena emotionally brittle. A lifetime of manipulation and abuse has taught her to compartmentalize herself and lock her feelings behind a maze of doors. When she does let love in, she accepts it so wild and vulnerable that she can't see the red flags behind the rosy lenses. She latches so hard onto people she deems virtuous that she holds them to a standard none could fulfill. Her pain has to go somewhere, so it oozes out of her, into Non Nocere, into the post-reveal rift. She's a powder keg, and Kara spent 4 years shoveling more gunpowder onto the pile while holding the match between her teeth.

And despite these fatal flaws that make perfect sense through the eyes of Lena's trauma, she is so full of love. Like Kara, her suffering did not make her kind. She is kind in spite of her suffering. These are the characters we are drawn to when we're hurting. Lena’s trauma is an inextricable part of her, but it is not all of her, and neither are her mistakes.

There truly is not and never will be a piece of media that is absolutely innocent of the harmful structures thrust upon us by society, because we ourselves also participate in that society whether we are critical of it or not, whether we strive to change it or not. I'm flawed. You're flawed. Bettering ourselves is not a journey toward an ultimate destination of perfection. It is a garden we nurture in an endless labor of love because the joy that comes from seeing it flourish and change vastly outweighs the work we put into it and the weeds popping up around its unkempt edges. This is a lesson Lena herself could probably stand to internalize. Probably with lots and lots of therapy. Lots. And lots.

So, to circle back to the start of this? You're fine. You recognized the logic in a traumatized character's mistakes because our own gravest errors more often than not stem from the ways we have been harmed in the past. It's what makes Lena (or, at the very least, the many adaptations of Lena that exist in this fandom) a good character. She is, to her core, characterized proof that a crumbling foundation and poisonous soil do not define us. Which is why watching her heal and grow and learn a healthier kind of love is so, so wonderful.

In closing, I think it's worth mentioning that being critical of media does not mean that we stop enjoying the parts of it we like. There is a lot of gold to be pulled from the steaming pile of shit that is CW Supergirl, and that's why we're all here in the first place. So I really hope you can continue to enjoy it in whatever way makes you smile <3

#Anonymous #lena

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kyglow · 1 year ago

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" i wouldn't have much of an appetite either if my life had been radically changed unsure if it were for worse or for the better. in your case i can only imagine what is happening in that skull of yours. " openly sharing how he had an understanding of the possible fear and anxiousness she felt immensely while seated at the dinner table in a strange place with a host who had been labelled to be that of the devil seducer of woman and a shadow of lies to which it didn't bother him amused that many feared the prince which granted him a massive amount of power that no opposing person or force would ever try to come for him for in doing so it would only end horribly for them. appreciating her manners almost caught off guard by it as it triggered a half smile to form on his lips with gentle dark eyes glinting red studying her and appearing to be mesmerised by her. viewing her not to be his enemy but feeling terrible at the moment for her fate due to her father's actions as a debt needed to be paid. " the wine is old and stronger than the wine here for the wine you are ingesting is not from these lands. when i was human there was a place i found to be paradise south of here. white shores, warm climate and a perfect view of the ocean feeling the sea spray hit your face. i can still feel the sun's radiant glow upon me when i think about that place now it's just a distant memory perhaps now colonised by explorers. " he reminisced. his tone calm and soothing through his gravelly, coarse-sounding voice.

red tinted eyes then averted away from her face looking down at his empty plate while his smile lingered on his lips although gave off a slightly saddened vibe. interest suddenly piqued when he pivoted his chin up with eyes meeting her alluring gaze with his lips mildly now pursed and twisted together. his head would tilt a little. " i appreciate you do not hate me it brings me a great comfort knowing that. as for the stories you have heard about me you must regale me of the tales that perhaps have struck fear or attraction into your heart. " his words sounding pleased and warm but coy towards the end of his sentence. his pleasant expression would gradually fade when she provided an appropriate and reasonable point for she had nothing to do with the quarrel and vendetta the prince had with her father. " your apology is not necessary. i only wish your father shared the same sentiment as his daughter. a debt must be collected and paid to allow your father to live freely with no consequences for destroying my world - -" he paused and swallowed the lump in the back of his throat. hand on the armrest of the chair curled fingers into a fist. he would draw in his breath and shake his head slowly. " - - killing your father would make me a monster. stealing what is most valuable to him to live with the devil in his castle now that's suffering for him but i am sorry to have placed you in this position. i don't intend to make your stay unpleasant but rather the opposite. " he revealed as gleaming eyes never strayed away from her eyes. he then turned his face to the side steering his eyes elsewhere needing a break from the intensity of the conversation while comprehending why he was rapidly falling for someone who was meant to be his prisoner. she was noble and valiant to protect her people with the prince honouring the terms of the agreement. hearing the scuffled noises when she adhered to his instructions. when he felt her warmth intensely that she was close to him he would then slump slightly in his seat and spread his thighs. bending his arm, resting his elbow on the armrest with his chin pressed softly to his knuckles when eyes studied her carefully. " strip off your clothing for your master little bird for i wish to see the real you princess and then after i want you to take a seat on my lap. " boldly in a calm tone he would instruct what he desired her to do next for he wanted to cast his eyes upon her bare flesh and to touch and feel her against him having the need to be worshipped by her even if it was cruel.

Uma was feeling uncomfortable in her own skin - everything was so dark and cold. This castle was making her feel so small and not important. There was no way of escaping here, unless it was jumping into her own death from the high grounds these walls were standing on. And she knew if she makes one wrong move around him, it'd cause death to her fathers kingdom, and she couldn't cope with the idea of so many innocent lives being lost because of her. Dressed in a gown that was prepared for her first night here, Uma was escorted to the large dinning room with him already being there. The feast was very luxurious, there was a lot to pick from but her appetite wasn't all there. There was no one to talk to here, his servants seemed like they were at the verge of dying, and he was very silent as well, just watching her.

She had a few bites, but it was hard for her to swallow, it was so much easier to just down it all with red wine, but she drank it carefully not to stain the white dress she wore. As he finally spoke, Uma lifted her doe like hues towards him; for someone who used to be very confident and had no problem with saying anything, she was absolutely terrified right now. "I don't have much of an appetite right now, my Lord... but everything looks tasty. I'm really enjoying the wine."she told him and quickly licked her lips as she noticed him looking towards her neck. The stories were that he didn't eat human food.. would explain why he hasn't touched a single thing on the table. Carefully she pushed her long, dark locks over the shoulder, to hide her neck from him as it made her feel a bit uneasy. As he spoke of her father and the reason behind him doing this, Uma swallowed a lump in her throat. "I have no reason to hate you, as I don't even know you, my Lord... Just the stories I've heard. You can try and justify your reasons for taking me, but I've never been a part of anything that happened between the two of you. And I am sorry for your loss."she said sincerely. "But still, I will do what I must to protect my people. I won't have innocent blood on my hands."Uma added, her eyes falling back down to the glass in front of her. But as he beaconed her to come to him, she could sense her heart beating elevated. Her hands began to tremble, and as Uma stood up she grabbed onto the skirts of her dress to keep herself somewhat calm. She didn't look at him, not until she was by his side, standing just at arms reach from him. Letting go of her dress, she could sense her bottom jaw trembling. "What is it that you want me to do?" @sxlcst

#utterxdesires #m: dracula #dracula&uma

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etheriadearie · 4 years ago

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“Promise”

Why can't you just… Promise ?

Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"

Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.

For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..

To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…

After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...

We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...

Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.

"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.

Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.

"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.

"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.

"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...

::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.

She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.

Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.

>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.

"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.

>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)

After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.

The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.

>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…

~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie

>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...

>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...

They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.

"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.

"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.

"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.

::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?

[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]

So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.

Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.

>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.

"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"

"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.

Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.

"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.

"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.

As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.

Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.

Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.

::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.

Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.

So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.

As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.

As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.

Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...

Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…

First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.

The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.

>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.

Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.

>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.

The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.

>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.

>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)

Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.

Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.

Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.

"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)

As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.

As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.

::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)

[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]

Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.

The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.

Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'

Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.

>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.

The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.

A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.

The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.

Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.

Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...

SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.

Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.

SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.

Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.

We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.

Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.

And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.

Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.

The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.

[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]

So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.

The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.

Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.

Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.

::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.

Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.

Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.

They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.

Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.

As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.

The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.

Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.

>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).

Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...

Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)

This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.

> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...

::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...

>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.

What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.

>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.

Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.

She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.

Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...

… and then she hears soft crying...

She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...

The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...

Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.

And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...

The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.

[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].

Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.

…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...

Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.

And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.

Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.

>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...

Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.

Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...

"Hey Adora."

🎶 is sad

"Catra! Help me, please!"

"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."

🎶 is melancholy

"Catra, what are you doing??"

"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."

🎶 has even tone

"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

"Catra that's not how it was.."

🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)

*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."

🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.

"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*

🎶 begins to rise, uplifting

"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*

🎶 rises, is dramatic

"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."

🎶 is still rising, uplifting

*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...

🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.

"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."

🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth

*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*

🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.

"Catra... Catra, no!!"

🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic

*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*

🎶 crests again, fades out...

Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…

We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...

BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.

Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.

I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.

But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…

Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.

We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.

But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...

::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...

Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.

In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)

To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).

A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.

As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.

Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.

Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon

“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.

Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.

Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...

Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon

At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…

Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.

As always, thanks for reading. <3

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

#she ra #spop #she ra and the princesses of power #catradora #happy birthday Catra #catra #she ra shadow weaver #shadow weaver #adora #my writing #thanks for reading #she ra synopsis #she ra fan theory #she ra meta

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barbenheimer-core · 3 years ago

Text

AUDERE EST FACERE !

하나. chanel : part four — 3k words

Wangja crossed the street with a bag of two steaming bowls of ramyeon and red ginseng, speeding up his pace to prevent the noodles from getting too soggy while he walked the path over to his shop where he had left Ahyeong at, sighing as he thought about the new addition to the cast.

When he had walked into his store last night, he was not expecting a stage to commence immediately upon entering the lounge.

Thank the writer (this was the first and last time he was going to say that) that their conversation and actions had already been written out, or else the shop owner would've been gawking at the new girl for the entirety of the stage.

He had been immensely startled back then; it was unusual for him to not know the timing and plot of every stage because he always made sure to check the comic that permanently resided in a small, hidden corner of his shop every single day.

But when he had browsed the comic as soon as Ahyeong had left, he had been bewildered at the sudden shift in the book's contents.

The cast page had been altered to feature four main characters instead of the original trio, and as he had turned the pages, he had noticed the new stages being inked with interactions that had never been present as of before.

To think that an already complicated web of troubling relationships had not been enough for the writer, they had proceeded to add a love square to the mix.

Wangja grimaced at his creator's choices in life. They had definitely been influenced by someone to do so if it had been so last minute.

But one thing was for sure; out of all the stories that the writer had put him in, this was by far the most interesting.

"Ahyeong-ah! I'm back!" he yelled into the air as he stepped in, his voice echoing in the shop.

The silence was his only response.

Confused, he stepped through the streamers that decorated the lounge's archway, eyes searching for the girl while he set the food down on the coffee table next to the abandoned copy of Shiver.

"Ahyeong, are you here-"

He stopped abruptly, gaze finding the peach cover of True Beauty toppled upside down on the floor in front of a shelf he swore no one would notice.

With dread in his mind, he picked it up, turning it around, only to be faced by the drawn version of the person he was looking for.

Oh no. She'd seen it.

If Gilyeong had to describe his sister at that moment, he would've said she looked like she'd risen from a grave in a zombie apocalypse movie.

She looked dead. Alive, yes, but dead.

Like someone had told her whole life was a lie.

When Ahyeong had arrived back home from wherever she had dashed off to during the morning, she had looked like she'd gone through the five stages of grief, questioned the meaning of life, and ran a marathon through the streets of Seoul by how hard she was breathing.

He had almost asked her if she was okay, but that would've come off as him being "concerned for his dear sister," as Eunjung had so uselessly put it, and he hated proving people right. And besides, Ahyeong was clearly not okay.

"Oye, grinch," he called out across the table after seeing her actions.

She looked as if she hadn't even heard him. No annoyed flinch, no irritated twitching of her eyebrow; no reaction at all. Just her mindlessly trying to eat soup with chopsticks.

Eunjung looked at her with an extreme amount of concern.

Gilyeong almost puked at the feeling of worry in his gut.

Ahyeong was functioning on auto-pilot, her consciousness having taken a backseat as the only thing that moved her was sheer muscle memory.

She couldn't even remember how she had come back to her house, however, the stinging in her legs informed her of how she had deserted the shop and ran all the way back home, much to Driver Kwon's horror.

Her head felt empty.

Being in a comic? As a bully? That had to be the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard, or read, about herself.

It did not make sense. She was quite literally a model student, with a record as clean as glass. Being reduced to the likes of a bully? Impossible.

And then the derealisation came in.

This probably wasn't real after all. Maybe it was just one big practical joke blown out of proportion.

Yeah, that was it, she concluded as she finally became aware of her surroundings, dropping the chopsticks in her hands with a confused look and picking up a spoon to continue eating her soup, unaware of the small breath of relief from across the table.

That weird paralysis thing hadn't happened since the other day anyway, so she was probably going to be okay.

TURN.

What a fucking lie, you're kidding—

The doors to the house banged open, harshly knocking against the walls and startling the occupants of the dining room.

Song Hwayoung came inside the house, immediately making Eunjung receive her in a hurry and assist her with taking off her coat and setting her a pair of slippers.

Ahyeong was panicking. Why now? The universe was being unnecessarily cruel. Her body felt like a rock, cemented into the ground. The air got colder, the lights felt different, brighter somehow, as if someone was shining a spotlight down on her family, as if a grim situation was about to ensue.

Ahyeong almost got up to greet her mother, but sat back down after seeing the subtle shake of Gilyeong's head, who hastily looked down at his empty plate after Hwayoung came to sit at the head of the table.

Her mother looked like she had been trying to bottle up her anger the whole day, and the cap was finally about to burst.

Ahyeong felt unsettled at the sudden change in demeanor. Her mother had never gotten this furious before, ever. She attempted to stand, but she was glued to her seat and could only watch as Hwayoung glared daggers at Gilyeong.

She threw a stack of papers in front of Gilyeong, who shrunk into his seat when he saw its contents.

"What is this?" Hwayoung inquired, trying her best to appear calm.

The young boy mumbled a reply in a voice so small that it was barely audible.

Hwayoung flared her nostrils, "Say it louder!"

Both siblings flinched at the volume. "My report card," the youngest said shakily.

Why was her mum flipping over a simple report card? It's not like grades mattered—

"Even I know that it's a fucking report card. What I want to know is why your grades dropped to C's and D's and why the hell you're failing in math?"

Ahyeong's eyes widened, either involuntarily or of her own free will, she didn't know. Hwayoung cursing at her brother and raging over his academic report? That was quite literally the opposite of how her mother was. Hwayoung was supposed to be the sweetest person she'd ever known, understanding and supportive through every endeavor.

For a moment she considered if her mother had been replaced by a clone of a crueler version of her. With the bullshit that was happening to her right now, the theory did not even feel that far-fetched.

At Gilyeong's silence, Hwayoung scoffed, "All of this was happening and you didn't even bother telling me? I was in a phone call with your friend's mother who told me her son had scored first place but when she mentioned how you weren't even in the top ten do you know how humiliated I felt?"

She stood up abruptly, throwing her chair back, which was immediately caught by Eunjung, and scowled at the boy, not a single trace of warmth in her eyes that her daughter was familiar with, "What an embarrassment to the Song name. At least your sister fares better than you."

With that, she stalked away, heels clicking against the marble floors as she retreated to her room.

TURN .

Ahyeong got up as soon as she could control her movements, rushing over to Gilyeong whose eyes had become red and puffy as he sniffled.

She pulled him in between her arms, and he shook uncontrollably, Eunjung watching the ordeal with downtrodden eyes, wishing she could help.

This was far beyond what she thought would happen. No, that woman could not have been their mother.

As she put her brother to sleep that night, she came to a solution.

Stepping into the elevator to reach Cloud9 Officetel's terrace the next day, her resolve strengthened.

This nightmare was ending, one way or the other.

Jugyeong was quite possibly living the worst nightmare she'd ever had.

The world was too cruel. Beauty was only on the inside, they said. What a horrible lie.

She had been humiliated beyond measure. All she tried to do was convey her honest feelings to quite possibly the only person who had ever been genuinely kind to her. She would've been fine if Wang Hyunbin had simply rejected her and decided to stay as friends. But for him and Semi to destroy her pride and self-worth like that? Because of how she looked?

She felt her eyes burning with warm tears before they cascaded down her cheeks, the cold wind at the top of the building harshly biting at her skin and rattling her bones.

She shivered.

Cold, it was too cold. What a day to die.

Jugyeong's hands hovered over her phone's screen as she stared at her mother's contact. Would her family even mourn her? Good riddance, they would probably think.

But she had to tell someone, and even if her mother was harsh with her words, she still loved her. She had to tell her the reason why she was about to jump off of a building.

Just as her finger leaned down to press the call button, the door to the rooftop opened, and Jugyeong jumped in shock, turning around to see who had come in.

She did a double-take.

Was God personally consenting to her taking her own life? Because she was pretty sure he had sent down an angel to escort her soul into heaven.

Her glasses had been abandoned on the bench she'd been sitting on from when she had been trying to wipe her tears, so she couldn't really see the person properly, but even with bad eyesight, the stranger looked almost ethereal.

They were dressed in a black dress and heels, as if they had gone to a funeral, or were planning to go to one.

They stopped upon seeing Jugyeong's disheveled self.

Was God finally being kind to her in her final moments?

Mind in a haze and not thinking straight, Jugyeong broke down yet again.

Ahyeong was startled at the girl crying in front of her. She didn't think there was going to be someone else up there other than herself.

When she looked closer at the girl who was sobbing uncontrollably in front of her, she noticed who it was, immediately taking a few steps back on instinct.

Moon Gayoung? Why was she in a school uniform— oh.

You've got to be kidding me.

What luck she had, walking right into the girl this world literally revolved around.

She felt something pulling away at her in the back of her mind, sending warning bells down her spine, saying she wasn't supposed to be there. But why?

Ahyeong's heart almost burst out of her ribcage when Jugyeong threw herself at her, clutching almost painfully at her waist and sobbing into her dress.

She froze at the sudden contact, arms awkwardly hovering over the girl's shoulders.

Jugyeong had probably not recognized her yet, because there was no way she was hugging her future tormentor just like that.

"Th-thank y-y-you for c-coming," the girl said between choked breaths, "F-for being- for being here in my—" she struggled to say the words, "—my final moments."

Ahyeong stilled at that.

By the time her words had registered, she already knew what was happening.

This was the scene from the drama, she remembered, when Jugyeong had tried to kill herself because of the incident at school.

How ironic. Ahyeong almost laughed at her situation, they were here for the same fate for almost the same reason. Both didn't like the world that they lived in.

But for the Song girl, this was a test, really. A theory she came up with in the dead of the night.

The sensation of falling, that knee-jerk reaction, and the feeling of finally waking up from your dream. That was what she was hoping for. She wasn't here to die, she was here to go back to living her own life.

But the girl who clung to her was dead set on ending things, and frankly, that was a dreadful thought.

Ahyeong had no intention of leaving her as she was, be this a fictional world or not, Im Jugyeong was a human being who deserved a lot more than she got.

"Were you going to jump?"

Jugyeong's thoughts came to a halt as the Angel asked a question, the oddly familiar lilt of her voice bringing a strange mix of foreboding and warmth in her gut.

Still shaking, she only nodded against her shoulder.

"Why?"

"Because-" she sniffled, tightening her arms around them, "because everyone hates me," her voice faded at the end, and her wobbly knees gave in, making her sink into the hard floor and dragging the person along with her.

This time, the Angel wrapped her arms around her, rubbing soothing circles into her back.

"Jugyeong, things may seem horrible for you at the moment, and you have every right to be upset over what was said and done, but it is impossible to know answers to such questions when you're so overwhelmed."

The words cut through her haziness, her cries slowly stopping as what they said registered in Jugyeong's mind.

"You don't really want to die, do you?"

It felt weird, being told such things by a stranger.

Maybe deep down she had already known, but her despair had overtaken her senses and disregarded her common sense.

"Why were you really about to call your mother?"

Because she was hoping someone would stop her. To make sure someone really did care about her despite appearances.

The Angel patted her back, and slowly pulled away, only to firmly place their hands on Jugyeong's shoulders.

"Your family's waiting."

She didn't need to be told twice.

Maybe God was kinder than she thought.

It was getting dark now.

The cold evening air nipped at her skin as Ahyeong stood on the edge, heels digging into the concrete as she gazed down below.

What a hypocrite she was, telling all those things to Jugyeong.

She'd sent her home with a taxi after their ordeal, and Jugyeong had not even looked at her once through the whole thing.

She didn't know why.

The road was buzzing with activity, cars zooming past on asphalt, people walking home on the footpaths, vendors selling seasonal goods by the side.

It seemed to be a normal day.

She wondered how the rest of their day would go if her body suddenly flopped down there.

Gooseflesh rose on her arms. All of this was too real.

She slapped herself, the stinging spreading through her numb skin and making her wince in pain.

What was she doing? Was she really about to jump off a building just to test a theory out?

What if it failed? The pain in her cheek would pale in comparison to what would happen should she fall.

And the people waiting for her back home, thinking she was off paying her respects to an old friend. Gilyeong and Eunjung would be destroyed.

Ahyeong stepped back. No, she couldn't do this. She wasn't planning on dying today. Or anytime soon really.

She'd just have to get used to living here—

TURN.

Song Ahyeong stepped closer to the edge of the building, awaiting her doom.

What the fuck!? She didn't want to die, shit, shit, shit—

The LED screen behind her lit up in hues of pink and purple, colorful shadows falling on her dress that did nothing against the frigid wind.

Jung Seyeon's face graced the billboard in the distance, an ode from the people to celebrate the day he was born, and an apology for being the reason he died.

One more step and she would fall. No, no, one more step and she'd fall—

Ahyeong leaned forward closing her eyes for the last time.

NO!

And so, she fell backward.

Wait, backward?

TURN.

Ahyeong barely registered the iron grip on her wrist before it was tugged hard, her stiletto losing its balance and twisting her foot at an unnatural angle.

She widened her eyes as her vision blurred, surroundings moving too fast, and braced herself for the impact on the rough concrete.

It never came.

Instead, she fell on the person who had taken the liberty of pulling her back, and subsequently saving her. Groaning, she raised her head, squinting against the bright light of the advertisement.

"What a relief," Suho breathed out.

The ColorBeauty commercial cast the glow of its neon colors over their faces, and as the faint melody of Seyeon's voice filled the silence in the air, Song Ahyeong knew that somehow, she had fucked up.

masterlist

#true beauty #cha eunwoo #hwang inyeop #moon gayoung #lee suho #han seojun #im jugyeong #kang sujin #extraordinary you #lee suho x reader #lee suho x oc #korean drama #kdrama fanfic #kdrama imagine #kdrama scenarios #webtoon

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