#and a gender expression thing but thats for another post

[supernova-17]

Green Eyed Cupid

Rin x AFAB! Reader

P in V sex, slight nipple play + chest worship, biting, friends to lovers, reader wears a dress but no gender is mentioned. lovey dovey and awkward ass sex, maybe he says one ooc line but thats bc I am a dialogue lover and his bitch ass can stand to say nice things every once in a while

Based on the aftermath of this post

Your heart flutters. A memory echoes from an outing at an ice cream shop. “Isn’t that romantic? When couples kiss each other's hands?” “...sure, whatever.”

You never would have expected to end up in this situation, but you’d say you’d be lying if a small part of you wasn’t pleased by it.

You’re still a bit tipsy, coming off of your drunken antics from a few hours earlier, sipping gingerly on a glass of water as you feel Rin’s piercing stare bore into you from the couch beside you. A part of you wants to die, the other finds it slightly amusing that the slight blush on his face still lingers slightly.

At least you’re not suffering alone, you snidely remark in your mind. The thought does little to help the rapid beating of your heart.

You drain the glass, mentally cursing your earlier more confident and drunken words from the club, and set it down on the side of the coffee table.

“More?” Rin asks and you shake your head, feeling if you consumed anything else you might vomit out of sheer nerves.

“I’m good.” You say, before another lapse of silence takes over the both of you. The tension is smothering, but you feel yourself at a loss at what to say for once. 

“...I-”

“...Hey-”

Both of you speak at the same time, and you hesitantly meet each other's gaze before you quickly drop your eyes back down to your lap, wordlessly gesturing for him to go first.

He hesitates for a moment, before forcing himself to speak, though his voice still comes out even and measured.

“Did you mean it?” He asks quietly.

For a moment you want to deny it again, to hide away back into that shell of bashfulness and fear that’s been shielding you from the truth of your longing, but when you think about denying the raw emotion you expressed you find yourself recoiling at the thought.

“...yes.” You answer, your voice soft and hesitant, but sincere. “I did.”

A beat passes. 

You wonder if you might have messed up everything, that he wasn’t as clearly attracted to you as you had suspected, that he might not even want to be friends with you anymore, that you’ve severed the bond that you both had spent so long threading.

And then his lips are on yours.

You’ve imagined this scenario before, many times, but actually feeling his lips on yours is something different entirely. It’s rough, his lips desperately pressing against yours in a brutal force, one that you welcome entirely as you part your lips for him, returning his fervor. His teeth catch your lips, nipping impatiently, as if pleading for you to return his affections in the only way he knows how. His tongue slips in, greedily exploring the cavern of your mouth as your hands slip up his chest, tracing the hard planes before dragging up to the back of his neck and fisting at his dark green locks. It’s messy and wet, and you find yourself lost in him, the only thing you process being the sensation of his lips and tongue devouring you whole and the popping smacks of your lips between the desperate pants huffed.

Eventually, you have to break away to catch your breath, but even then he chases you, hovering his forehead near yours as you both catch your breaths, your lips still connected by a thin string of saliva.

You’re not sure what you’re thinking, when you reach up to wipe the saliva from his lips and pop your thumb into your mouth, sucking up the liquid, but you can’t think that you regret it when you see the way his pupils dilate at the action.

Gingerly, he pulls your thumb from your mouth and pushes it forward so that it’s pointing towards him and presses his lips against the soft padding of skin of the print. 

Your heart flutters. A memory echoes from an outing at an ice cream shop.

“Isn’t that romantic? When couples kiss each other's hands?”

“...sure, whatever.”

You know what he’s saying; you close your eyes for a moment and let out a breath.

“I want you.” You say, the unspoken “too” at the end resonating in the small silence. 

His eyes narrow, and he laces his fingers between yours before pulling you closer to him, his other hand wrapping around your waist as he holds you against him.

“Dumbass.” He says, as if scolding you for even feeling the need to verbalize the way you feel, before pressing his lips against you again, this time a bit more tenderly. You would think that he was unaffected by your words if you didn’t feel the way his hand at the side of your waist was gripping the side of your dress from the effort of restraining himself.

And he thinks you’re the stupid one.

You huff slightly against his lips before abruptly nipping at his lower lip, dropping the hand intertwined around yours to grab the couch and hoist yourself onto his lap, before grinding your hips down onto him, already feeling the length of his hard on through his pants, though you’re sure he feels the dampness of your underwear too.

“Don’t be a baby.” You murmur, as he stiffens up from the sudden aggressive yet pleasurable nature of your actions. “I said I wanted you.”

He looks up at you, a weird sort of hesitation in his eyes that you rarely see, the look of someone who has given his all before only to be cruelly rejected, and you feel a pang in your heart in sympathy.

“Give me you, and I’ll give you me.” You say softly, the sound of your words a contrast to the way your hips roll against him in a rough, needy manner.

He narrows his eyes at you, both his hands shifting to grip your hips to hold you steady, a flicker of something green and possessive moving through his gaze.

“Not to anyone else?” Rin interrogates, his eyes probably darting through memories of you dancing with other people, a smile on your face as you rub against them.

You could laugh at his words, or tease him and say you might consider it if he keeps on stalling. But you know how desperate he really is, and you can’t stand the thought of him thinking even for a second that you aren’t wholly his.

“No one else but you.” You murmur as you cup his cheeks gently for a moment.

Immediately his lips find yours again, though this time you’re thrown a bit off balance when he hoists you up, shifting his arms to support your ass as he starts walking while attacking your lips in a frenzy. You’re so caught off guard by the assault of lips and teeth, the only thing you can think to do is secure yourself better by wrapping your arms around his neck, kissing back while he carries you almost effortlessly.

For a moment, you lose track of where you are, only to be brought back to reality as he drops you onto his bed, your back hitting the covers as his lips seek yours again and his hands move to fiddle with the zipper of your dress impatiently. You follow suit, your hands slipping from around his neck to fiddle with the buttons of his dress shirt, fumbling to just pop a singular button out.

He scoffs into the kiss before pulling back to undo the buttons himself, his hand effortlessly undoing every button down, revealing the smooth skin of his pale abs which has you staring wide eyed at him for a moment.

“What?” Rin asks tersely, shrugging his shirt off and tossing it aside.

“You’re pretty.” You say breathlessly.

“...dumbass.” He repeats the insult from earlier, though you can see how his cheeks flush. “Just shut up and let me see you.”

You hesitate for a moment… you’ve never been nude in front of him obviously, but you know he’d never been the type to judge, so with an exhale you grab the half unzipped portion of your dress and pull the zipper down all the way before grabbing the hem of your dress that’s raised to your hips and tugging it over you in a fluid motion, revealing your undergarments, including your wet panties.

He doesn’t offer any words, but when you look up to see the intense look in his eyes, like he’s a starving man who’s been given his first meal in weeks, you realize you don’t need any. 

He wants you bad.

“...touch me.” You say, and he complies readily enough, his hands immediately coming to trace along your skin almost reverently, moving from your thighs to your hips, across your stomach to your chest, his hands tracing along the edges of your bra to the clasp at the back.

“Can I–” He starts.

“Please.” You return, and once again he does as you say, undoing the clasp and letting your bra slip off your shoulders before yanking off the offending article and pressing a kiss to the space between your breasts.

You let out a soft gasp as he begins to trail kisses from your sternum to the center of your left breast, taking care to lave his tongue around your areola. He sucks gently at the skin, making your back arch towards him as you let out a moan.

The noise must do something to spur him on, because soon he’s sucking all over your skin and leaving slightly darkened marks in his wake before moving to your other neglected tit and giving it the same treatment.

“Mmh—” You hum out, trying to do your best to muffle your noises as your fingers tangle in his hair.

He pauses for a moment then, looking up at you with a downright offended look in his eyes.

“What?”

“Stop doing that. Let me hear you.” He all but demands, looking somewhat petulant.

You blink and chew on your lower lip for a moment as you consider his words. Being vulnerable like this in a new way, in front of him, it makes you a bit nervous… even more than being nude.

But when he reaches up and pulls your lip from your teeth, and you find yourself willing to push past that hesitance.

“…okay.” You whisper. “Just don’t… just don’t think about it too much.”

Rin scoffs. “I’ll think about it every damn day until I hear you again.”

It takes both of you aback, his words, and though he clenches his jaw slightly, he doesn’t take them back, instead looking at you intently, as if daring you to poke fun at his surprisingly earnest declaration.

You don’t. Instead you trail your hands over his chest gently, exploring the skin with hesitance and curiosity, watching as his chest shudders under your probing hands, feeling a tingle run down your spine when you’re rewarded with a delicious shiver as you trace over his hardened nipples. Your hands slip down further then, running along his abs until they find the ridge of his belt, and you can see the way his cock lurches against the fabric, begging to be set free onto your touch.

“Off?” You ask.

He nods and you fiddle with his belt before pulling it out of the loops of his pants, the fabric sagging around the imprint of his hardened member. You swallow, feeling yourself clench around nothing for a moment before pulling both his boxers and his pants down, releasing his dick with a groan from him as the air of the room hits his erection.

You bite your lip again as you study him, your thighs clenching together subconsciously.

Rin’s big. Though a part of you already imagined he would be from those late nights that you considered this very “what-if” scenario, you still find yourself in awe, and without thinking your hand moves to trail the length of his manhood, taking in the vein that threads along the side of him and the fat mushroom tip.

He nearly hisses at that, and you jerk your hand away, wondering if you might have made a mistake, before looking into his eyes and seeing that they’re practically black. 

You can feel yourself dripping right now, and you find yourself spreading your legs slightly, as if goading him to take the opportunity to see the mess he’s made out of you just from some touching and kissing.

Rin pauses a moment, uncharacteristically nervous before he hooks a finger into the crotch of your panties, swearing under his breath from the feeling of dampness and slick before dragging the fabric down and revealing your drooling folds. You think you might be more embarrassed if he were the type to tease you, but looking at the want in his eyes, you find yourself a little more secure.

He stares at you for a moment and you sigh under your breath, before guiding his hand to the one place you want him most.

“‘Sokay to touch, I said I wanted you.” You murmur softly.

Rin swallows at that before running a finger lightly up the center of your core, nearly up to your clit before stopping and pulling his hand back, and while you shiver from the feeling of having hands bigger than yours near your center, he examines the slick on his fingers. 

You want to ask him what he’s doing, studying his hand so methodically, only to feel your heart skip a beat as he readily sticks his finger in his mouth and tastes you, closing his eyes for a moment only to open them with an increasingly feral look in his eye.

In a moment, you can tell where his thoughts are headed and you immediately shake your head, looking a little flustered.

“No, not now… just… I want you inside.” You say, and though you feel your face flush, you manage to keep your voice even.

He glowers at you, clearly already fixated on the taste of you. “I can do both.”

It’s almost funny, but you don’t think you could stand another moment of him not being in you, so you glare back. “No. Fuck me.”

You pause for a moment. “Please.”

You don’t think you would have had him unless you added that last begging word, combined with those puppy eyes you usually give him that has him melting into your demands despite his stiff demeanor when he gives in.

He squares his jaw, but pulls you forward so that your hips are near the edge of the bed and presses the tip of his dick against your core, making you push yourself forward in order to get just a little more friction. He scowls at that, gritting his teeth as he makes an effort to hold himself back, but you jolt yourself forward again, almost groaning at the delicious sensation of his hard girth against your core.

“Dammit– just, hold still.” He murmurs, before finally, finally, pushing himself in slowly. 

Your hands immediately cling around his neck as you feel the pressure of his dick intruding into your soft walls as you envelop him, letting out a moan as you feel the warmth of him sliding into you, aided by the help of your wet slick.

It’s almost painful, having to wait until he’s fully hilted inside of you, the arduous wait only somewhat lessened by the prospect of having him sheathed, making you feel so full as you press your mouth to his neck, nipping at the skin there as a way to alleviate the feeling of being so wholly enraptured in him.

Rin lets out a low moan as he feels your walls clench around him welcomingly, before gently pushing you off of him and onto the bed, both of you letting out your own respective noises as the new angle allows him to fully push into you.

He tortures you, making you wait there for moments as he takes in the new sensation, before slowly sliding back out of you, the feeling of his dick dragging along your walls, making you moan out again before he stops halfway and slowly thrusts back into you in a rhythmic fashion.

You groan out before tugging him down, though it seems Rin has the same idea as he dips down to capture your lips in another searing kiss, his tongue slipping into your mouth and tangling with your own, swallowing your noises as he fucks into you, his thrusts still only moving halfway before plunging back in slowly.

“Fuck– more– please–” You whine against his lips, wanting to feel hims fully, and he swears again before pulling out completely and ramming into you.

The sound you make is unlike any sound you’ve made before, halfway between a yelp and a squeal, your eyes rolling back slightly as you feel him hit that spot that makes you dizzy with pleasure.

“Ah– Rin–!” You manage to get out, before something in him snaps (possibly the sound of his name on your lips) and all of a sudden you’re getting brutally pounded into, all of his earlier attempts of being gentle flying completely out the window as he has his sights set on making you call out his name again and again.

The sounds of the room are only filled with panting, gunts and loud moans, punctuated by the squelching of him thrusting into you over and over again, your eyes only vaguely focused on the beautiful sight of him over you, his teeth gritted as he ravages you.

“Don’t– don’t dance with anyone else.” He manages to grit out through his own grunts and you moan in agreement, your hands clawing at his back as his pistons into you.

“You– only you– Rin–!” You cry out, leaving him no choice but to sink his teeth into your shoulder to stop himself from attacking you with another kiss.

He continues to thrust, and you feel a white hot heat building up in you, and you start to babble, your back arching with every drag against your velvety walls.

“Fuck– ‘m close, please–” You whine out.

“Shit– say my name, please–” Rin replies in turn, and if you weren’t so already out of it completely, you’d mention your surprise that he was saying “please”, but the needy tone in his voice as your toes curling.

“Rin–” You breath out, before chanting his name at every thrust. “Rin, Rin, Rin, Rin, RIN–!”

And with the scream of his name you clamp your legs around his waist and feel your mind white out as you convulse, your back arching as he continues to thrust into you, seeking his own high as you cum right on his cock.

You watch through hazy eyes as he furiously thrusts into you before he finally slams into you fully with a deep groan and cums, filling you up completely as you let out a rather pathetic sounding whimper as you feel his spent drip out of you despite him still being in you.

You both take a moment to catch your breath before you reach up tiredly and cup his cheek, a small blissful smile on your face.

It’s another effort not to laugh as he averts his eyes for a moment before looking down at you.

“...so no dancing with other people?” You ask lightly.

He scoffs, his face darkening in color. “No.”

“What if there’s no grinding?”

“No.”

“What if they’re friends?”

“No.”

“Family?”

“...fine.”

You smile, and he stares at you for a moment. You blink in surprise as you feel him harden again inside of you.

“Again?”

“Shut up.” He replies tersely, but when you clench around him in kind, he doesn’t argue.

[stevinguniverse]

Yaaay it's pride month!!!! Wanted to draw something silly out for my genderfluid steven headcanon....

I feel like steven is SOOO genderfluid. Not just in expression and presentation i mean i think sometimes he stares into the mirror and thinks "i should be a girl" lowkey HAHAHJAJDJD....

But anyway I think he would start realizing things about himself post CYM. like no way he would have the time to think about it before then... But once everything sorta settles down and he's no longer being called rose quartz and "she" right before someone is about to attack him (😭) maybe he would start trying out different labels here and there. Maybe nonbinary at first, but then it wouldn't fit because he FEELS like a boy, but also a girl. But i also think he would be conflicted about accepting the fact that he feels like a girl, because he doesn't want to "prove them right" about actually being his mother. So maybe he would pretend he didn't feel that way, or maybe he would just assume he only feels that way because of the years of being mistaken for his mother, and being referred to as a girl.

But after so long of pushing it down i feel like he would start to feel that horrible post realization gender dysphoria... Like the kind you feel when you finally figure out what you're feeling, so you feel it 10x worse.. and with none of the euphoria that comes with it because he refuses to let himself come out (out of fear of being associated with rose) (dont even get me started on how complicated his feelings about his mother would be after CYM thats a whole different concept i think about daily.. ough)

I think he would be able to push it down for a long time because he truly does feel like a boy a lot of the time. But when he feels like a girl again (In my head it would be like, boy for 3-4 months, then girl for a little while, a couple weeks or a month, then boy again..) it would be like the end of the world for him. Like 'nooo i thought this had finally gone away!!!' style... Maybe he would experiment once in a while by wearing "girl clothes" and doing his hair differently.. but then get kinda scared that maybe he was just a trans girl all along and push it down a little longer 😭

But yeah I feel like it would take him a little while to ultimately end up at genderfluid, but once he accepted it and started telling people i think he would be pleasantly surprised to find out that everyone is cool with it / weren't really surprised when he came out to them...

I think connie especially would be there for him thru it all, maybe he tells her first sorta early on and she tries to help him figure himself out... But i think she would be his biggest ally fr OHHH i love you steven and connie ......

Anyway this whole thing is super self indulgent but I love thinking about it so muchhh URGHH Steven you're so complicated gender identity.. also another fun thing for me to think of is this whole thing but from a trans guy perspective. Like afab steven, trans basically his whole life starts to maybe feel like he's maybe actually genderfluid around age 14-15 and is like. Well shit I'm gonna pretend i dont feel this way!!! But then eventually comes to terms with the fact that SOMETIMES he /does/ feel like a girl ... #mecore

[alienaiver]

Proposals Plus One

Iwaizumi Hajime x gn!reader

warnings: spoilers and references to Godzilla Minus One, it is gender neutral but you are being proposed to ! <3 also iwa gives oikawa the finger if thats not ur thing wordcount: 2.4k content: FLUFF, proposals, genderneutral reader, poc!friendly and body positive reader, Childhood friends to lovers trope, SFW, No use of y/n, canon compliant, post-timeskip, one-shot, established relationship, use of honorifics (iwa-chan is the only one, by oikawa of course), this was supposed to be a drabble hi, also oikawa appears at 5ish am in argentina, i salute him for his dedicated friendship

notes: when i describe iwaizumi watching the movie i basically just described myself LMFAO!!! anyways.. i wanted this to be a let-iwaizumi-experience-my-favorite-movie but it turned into... this! i hope u enjoy heheh <:) <33 PLEASE enjoy my title pun as a reference to Godzilla Minus One!!!!!

Iwaizumi’s hands are not still for more than a few seconds at a time during the little more than two hours you spend in the cinema. They shift between grasping onto his soda or taking the popcorn from you – only to put them back onto your lap, or grasp onto your hand like his life depends on it. Especially during the big, cinematic scenes. When Godzilla starts to charge the atomic beam attack, you hear him take a sharp intake and lean into you, like he really can’t contain his own mortal vessel.

It’s really cute.

You’re glad he brought you along with him, even if you’d been hesitant to begin with.

“Oikawa always goes with you,” you tried to argue, “I don’t want to take his spot.”

Iwaizumi had lowered his gaze and tried to hide his expression when he admitted that Oikawa wouldn’t be in Japan for the release. You genuinely thought he would, so you couldn’t hide the surprise at the admission. “So… you’re not imposing yourself.” he’d grunted afterwards and got up from the dining table, “but you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Whenever there’s a big action scene, like when Noriko falls from the open and destroyed train free-fall into a pool of water or when Godzilla destroys the cinema, he leans forward in his seat before he looks at you and even through a dim cinema with lights only emitting from the screen, you can see the stars reflecting in his eyes, his mouth open in a smile you don’t see often on him. Like he can’t really believe what he’s seeing, and he’s checking with you to confirm it.

When the credits starts rolling and people start to leave, your boyfriend puts his palms on his temples as he uses a moment to process what he’s just seen. Then, very slowly like he’s edited into slow-motion he turns towards you. His eyes are wide and his mouth slack, but the more you get into view, the more the corners of his lips tugs upwards.

You laugh and grip his upper arm, squeeze it lightly, “was it everything you needed the 70th anniversary to be?”

The look he gives you is perplexed; almost like he can’t believe that you’re asking him that. He drags his hands down his face, dragging the skin with him and making a grimace, “what’s the time?” he then suddenly ask, real time seemingly catching up to his body as he hurries to check his watch.

“It’ll roll again at 6! That’s in 45 minutes! We can grab a quick bite and then”- he interrupts himself with a cough before he reminds himself and tenses his shoulders -”sorry, we have a reservation.”

You take him in for a minute, your underlip worried between your teeth as you weigh your options. The reservation isn’t important in and of itself; it’s just a small Yakiniku place that ended up being close to the cinema and you’re full from the popcorn and candy anyways.

You hum, dramatically as you pretend to be an actor for the effect. Iwaizumi’s already on his phone, checking the Google Maps route to the restaurant. You fish out your own phone and go to the cinema’s website to buy two new tickets. During the booking you see it’ll be shown in another of their screens, which only makes you smile mischievously.

When the booking’s confirmed, you start to get up with a sigh, “let’s talk about the movie at the restaurant, yeah?” you try to keep yourself neutral as to not give away your plan. Iwaizumi smiles and puts his arms through the sleeves of his light jean jacket. The summer heat is peaking, so he’d only worn it to have pockets.

You grab onto his hand and squeeze it as he gets up next to you, “thank you for coming with me, it means a lot.”

You kiss his him chaste on the lips before you start to drag him out. After you’ve both been by the bathroom, you pass by the snacks and tug at him, “can we go back in real quick? I really regretted not buying that chocolate bar when we browsed before the movie… please?”

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes at you but smiles widely and follows you, his other hand already searching his pocket for his wallet.

You grab two different chocolate bars, one you know that he likes and your own favorite. Then you go to the soda aisle and pretend to think it through deeply. Iwaizumi’s eyebrow perks up at your behavior, “what do you need soda for? The restaurant will have drinks. If you want something specific we can pick it up on the way home.”

You shake your head and tighten your lips into a frown, “yeah but look! They have this fun variant of melon soda. Don’t you want to taste?” you point to the small sign next to it, “it’s cinema exclusive.”

Iwaizumi is never really able to say no to you, but he is perplexed about the behavior you’re exhibiting. You bite your lip as you give him a pleading look, fearing your luck’s running out. The puppy eyes makes him shake his head and grab two cups to fill. You kiss his cheek with a laugh.

With renewed drinks and snacks (minus the popcorn, you can still feel the kernels stuck to your teeth) you go to sit down by one of their benches, pretending to tie your laces. Iwaizumi sees that your laces aren’t untied, but he stays quiet.

When you sit back up with a satisfied grunt, you grab your phone from your purse and find the tickets, “look babe! We’re in the middle row seats!”

He squints to look properly at what you’re showing him, his nose crinkling in a way you think is adorable. You wish you’d had a second phone to secretly record this reaction. There’s nothing like it. Warmth and blood rises to his face and makes his ears bright red as his eyes widen, mouth hanging slack.

“What did you- how… when did you?” he asks, clutching at his hair with his free hand. You laugh, proud to see him with revived excitement, “I booked them right after. We’re going to have so many snacks that dinner can be a little later… I’d rather experience that with you than that restaurant!”

Iwaizumi pulls back from you a little with a laugh as he drags his hand over his mouth, suddenly looking unsure of himself. You tilt your head to the side. He says, “but that restaurant’s really… uh… special.” You sigh and reach out for his hand, “yeah but you’re more special to me. We can always go some other time, right?”

You’re suddenly afraid he doesn’t want to watch it again, that it was just the adrenaline of excitement making him say it back when the credits where rolling. He mutters unintelligible words under his breath before he mumbles an announcement, “well now’s a good as time as any.”

He then looks at you, the blush returning as he puts the drinks and snacks down next to yours on the bench, “I uh- I need to call Shittykawa real quick.”

Your eyebrow quirks up at that, but you nod. Maybe he wants to tell him about the movie before you watch it again; this used to be their thing growing up after all.

You sit back down on the bench and take out your phone, scrolling through social media as you wait for him to make his call. You’re surprised when the sound of a FaceTime call starts ringing through the air and Iwaizumi looks annoyed. It’s not an uncommon expression on him, so you’re not sure you’re able to decipher the meaning behind it right now.

“Iwa-chan? That’s early! Doesn’t it take 10 minutes to the restaurant?” Oikawa gasps on the other end, “no way, did you get cold feet!? Iwa-chan!!” he suddenly scolds and Iwaizumi grunts out a shut up and you assume point the camera towards you because Oikawa’s voice greets you, strained and perfectly polite. It’s eerily unnatural when acted towards you and not a fan. Confused, you just wave at him and Oikawa gasps again. “In the cinema? That wasn’t the plan at all! Did you already do it?” he continues on, and you make a grimace to Iwaizumi. What the hell is he talking about?

Iwaizumi snaps at Oikawa and hurriedly moves out of earshot from you, mumbling into the phone. Then he comes back with his back straightened´up and stiff, legs seemingly wobbly under his weight. He puts his phone with Oikawa on the call up against the plant next to you, pointing it towards you. You can see Oikawa lying on his stomach on a bed, eye masks on and no light except for the screen – Argentina’s far behind Japan after all. Before you can ask what he’s doing, he’s jogged back in front of you and practically falls to his knee in front of you, wincing from the pain of landing unexpectedly hard.

You think you’re catching on.

Your breath catches in your throat as you keep your eyes locked onto the man in front of you, suddenly fearing he’ll disappear into thin air and that this is just a dream.

Iwaizumi clears his throat and opens his mouth to start talking before he catches himself and hastily goes through his pockets. He pats the chest pocket an extra time before his nimble fingers slide inside and come out with a blue velvet box. Your hands go to cover your mouth, because it’s the same color as Aoba Johsai’s turquoise.

“Why’d you choose Seijoh?” an angry-looking 15-year-old from your new class asked you during the rounds where you’re supposed to get to know each other. With a strained smile you admit sheepishly, “I loved the colors of the school’s volley uniform.”

When he sees your expression he laughs, “I planned to do this at the restaurant – but you willingly choosing to go to the cinema to watch my … uh, my thing, not once but twice. And in a day no less, well…” he clears his throat and looks away, “it kinda knocked me off my feet. I’ve known for a long time this was going to happen but… when you showed me your phone with that excited expression that I love? It’s like… well, it was like the entire universe conspired to confirm that it has to be you… you know?”

He shakes his head and apologizes for sounding so cheesy before he drags a hand through his spikes. When he looks directly into your eyes after gathering himself, you straighten your back and start nodding. He hasn’t even asked you yet but your legs are shaking with the intense feeling of your response.

He laughs when he sees you nod. The raspy and relaxed one, reserved for you. You stare at each other for a time, admiring each other’s eyes and being in this moment, this time in life carved for the two of you. Then he shakes his head and starts to open his mouth. It must take too long though, because your shared childhood menace of a best friend starts booing. You both look to him and Iwaizumi has a scolding ready on his tongue until he sees the fat tears shining on his screen, Oikawa’s nose red and wrinkled.

Iwaizumi decides to simply give him the middle finger before he turns back to you. He says your name with an embarrassed lilt to his tone and finally, at last, formally asks you;

“Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

You laugh, unabashed and excited. In your bewilderment you shake your head in disbelief and the raw fear in Iwaizumi’s eyes makes you flinch and yell out a too loud “yes!” to make sure that you were merely reacting to the overwhelming situation in front of you.

People in the cinema are looking, silently clapping and smiling at you both but generally keeping a polite distance. You sniffle and lean towards Iwaizumi, foregoing the ring to fall into his arms. It takes him a moment to process before his arms wraps around you too, pulling you into him so tightly, shaky breaths leaving him as he keeps pawing at your back, your hair, your neck. Like he can’t really believe this is happening, either. You repeat the word “yes” like a prayer, your heart thrumming at intervals you’ve never tried before.

You pull back and wipe a tear from Iwaizumi’s cheek, “you better calm down before we watch it again, huh?”

Oikawa clears his throat from the phone, “the ring, Iwa-chan! The ring!”

Iwaizumi gathers himself and rather forcefully grabs onto your hand before apologizing, letting his finger caress your knuckles in apology. You let him, and he fumbles to get the ring out. It’s a simple one, so very like him. Oikawa chimes in with your exact thought, “he was so panicky at the jeweler! You should’ve seen him!”

You wish you had. Flustered Iwaizumi is your favorite flavor, but seeing him with shaky fingers fitting the ring onto your finger, warms you more than anything else.

You perk up, “is your war finished?” you ask and Iwaizumi’s eyebrow rise for a second before he hears the reference to the movie you just watched and beams, eyes glowing with an excitement you didn’t think could be topped moments before. He leans forward and says yes before he kisses you.

Oikawa cheers and you hurry to pick up his phone and show Oikawa the ring in detail, “you could’ve warned me!” you scold him and he shrugs, “eh, I honestly thought you already knew. And don’t worry, I took plenty of screenshots for your families and friends. There’s even a pretty romantic shot of you hurling yourself into his arms.”

You gasp in feigned insult, “I did not hurl myself!”

Iwaizumi stands before you with his hands in his pockets, a bright smile, “you did kinda hurl yourself.”

“Shut up! Both of you! I’m not taking you into the movie with me! I’m canceling your ticket!”

Iwaizumi pretends to panic but leans down to rest his forehead against you, “you can hurl yourself at me for the rest of my life, I don’t mind. Don’t listen to Shittykawa.”

You shake your head at your two friends.

No, your friend and your fiance. It feels surreal. You wonder how long it’ll take you to get used to. You can’t wait to spend the time finding out.

[i-like-forcefem]

This ask goes to some weird areas so no need to respnd or anything I don't believe the "it's justa fetish" stuff when it comes to queer but I've been struggling on whether I'm actually trans/genderfluid. I'm still a minor in my parents house and can't access anything femme to present myself with or any therpists(expensive) so for a while I just looked at before and after images of people to feel hope. But later on I started pleasuring myself to the idea of changing gender and afterwards the thoughts of being trans would, so I thought maybe it was just a fetish thing with me specifically but the idea would keep returning to me and I just repeat the process and the thoughts wuld go again. And I'm confused as I have expressed genuine interest in voice training and going on hormones but I'm not sure maybe this whole thing is just me repressing the idea being trans via that method. I was wondering what your thoughts on this would be?

(Personal gender advice- she is such a girl)

Gosh couple things first off, thank you for the ask I know it's scary! It's important to talk about these things and I'm proud you're taking this step

Secondly nothing discussed that you're dealing with is weird in the slightest (at least in my eyes), I've dealt with these fears myself! It's all perfectly natural

Hun I am extremely confident you'd fit in very nicely identifying as a woman! Like gender euphoria is sexually gratifying!

For me even the tamest forcefem still feels really hot because the fantasy of being seen as a girl- I got hard the fist (dozen) times I wore a skirt and back then I was incredibly afraid of the "its justa fetish" narrative so I always stricktly avoided doing anything kinky while in girly clothes

And like- Doing that for years was all well and good, I loved wearing skirts and just exisiting in them in the comfort of my room!

But I also could've pleasured myself in them back then and I'd be in exactly the same place I am today, it'd have been really hot too! I like feeling like a girl and cute a Lot

-And in the bottom of the post I'll also discuss why the fetish fear got so big for me (CW: Will talk about my first sexual fantasies at around 13? So when I was very young, I understand if it makes you uncomfortable, but this is all natural and I don't think avoiding it's discussion is healthy)

And back to you, seeing other women be what you could be- deriving pleasure from that, does not effect your gender identity and to me would seem another reason you might feel best if you start calling yourself a woman!

And gosh rereading the post better- It is not just a fetish thing for you if I read this post properly and see how you talk about it

Gender euphoria is sexually gratifying and the main thing I'd look for if someone is thinking of switching labels If you'd be happier as a girl be one!!!

Gosh I wish you all the luck and kindness in the world hun

(CW: Will talk about my first sexual fantasies at around 13? So when I was very young)

So, I was a dumb kid!

My recollection is quite bad in general so I do apologize for any mistakes

but I believe I was around 13 at the time, I should've had some education about sex and, but I believe it either failed to mention what masturbation was or I never understood the concept

And at that age, one day laying in bed late at night, I started thinking about a dress, more specifically the dress from Belle and the Beast

And for some reason I just got enamored with the idea of wearing it- hell actually being *forced* into it by someone else

And my body changing to so that I would fully match its curves

And, thats when I first started to realize my girl bits felt good, and I tried touching them yadida lots of dumb kid things happened (I still had no idea what masturbation was)

But, for like a solid couple months all I pleasured myself to was the idea of being turned into a girl, generally one of the disney princesses

I didn't know what I was supposed to like or what I was even doing- i just, did

It felt good to me

And that, doesn't make me doubt my gender identity (anymore at least, sure was afraid before) I've just realized that gender euphoria is sexually gratifying, I experience dysphoria (even if I got num to it and had a lot of major realization like "Wait guys like looking like they look????")

I would be happier living as a girl, even if I count the social negatives

And even if the social negatives would be too much for a full transition- all you need to identify as a girl, is to want to be one

If you'd be happy being seen as a woman

I whole heatedly encourage you to be one!

Take it slow

Start online! (maybe join the voice training server I talked about in earlier posts (tell your family and things your picking up voice training as a hobby to be a voice actor maybe (I had such a fascination with voice acting in the past myself, took so so long to realize why I wanted to change how I sound so badly)))

And be kind to yourself!

[clown-prince-of-gay]

Happy Pride everyone~~

I drew me and my lovely boyfriend @king-of-vertigo, (I love you honeybee~), We are being gay and transing all your children. Watch out or you're next.

Anyways. Happy Pride to those who celebrate. (And especially happy pride slay queen girlypop month to those who don't) Under the cut I'll have each flag and an explanation of what it means to me~

Likes and reblogs appreciated!! Do not repost!

I would like to preface this with: I am not an expert in all of these identities (despite being a part of them) and my connection to them is hugely shaped by my own experience and interpretation of each label. My only hope with all this is to hopefully make someone feel less alone, (because my god i spent a long time finding some of these labels-)

Aceflux

Aceflux us defined as a person with a fluctuating feeing of sexual attraction to others, I sort of think of it like a dial being turned up and down based on the moment. (there are also romantic and aroace versions of the label I beleive, along with another variation of the flag with a purple/red gradient striping.)

In my own experience that results in differing kinds of days, some where I feel really strong attraction, others where I feel little to none. Sometimes it changes day to day, sometimes its the same for weeks, or it changes throughout the day based on context.

This label was one that took me. An entirely too long time to find. and this is one that feels. right. because I had very flexible and changing feelings and attraction, I knew I could place myself somewhere on the ace spectrum, but not exactly where because it wasn't consistent at all (wowee i wonder why that is because its not like thats the whole thing lmao) and I ended up cycling through so many aspec labels. This is one that I can feel comfortable in, and I'm hoping others resonate with it as well.

Queer

Queer is an umbrella term and very ambiguous identity that can essentially encompass anyone that identifies with it.

So- my sexuality is. incredibly nuanced and complicated when it comes to describing who I find myself romantically, aesthetically, or platonically attracted to (I know there are so many other ways to be attracted to someone, those are just the simplest for me to explain). For example: I can (when allowed by my silly demiromantic ass) be romantically attracted to men and masc (or even non aligned) presenting and identifying people, and I in fact, have a lovely boyfriend whom I love a lot! And as for femme aligned people its more interesting because I don't feel particularly romantically about them, but I can experience aesthetic, or platonic forms of attraction, and Queer is simply a label that I connect with that has the space to encompass all of that.

Demiromantic

Demiromantic is a label that essentially encompasses the idea that an individual doesn't feel romantic attraction to another unless they have an emotional or platonic bond with that person. (there is also an ace and an aroace version, which I think is super neat)

Demiromantic is a label that I personally connect with, be that because I'm naturally incredibly slow to make connections, or maybe connected to the fact that I'm very neurodivergent, (although thats a post for another day-) and feeling comfortable being and feeling romantic about someone is already incredibly rare, and I feel like I need a connection to someone personally until I can feel romantically (I say that like I control when I feel romantic. Its kinda. I dunno I can't control it. this label is just one I felt encompassed it. which is the point.)

Transgender

Transgender is an umbrella term in which someone doesnt connect or identify with the assigned gender given at birth. (I'm very sure I have made it no secret that I am transmasc. We love the transes here)

However. no matter how many labels I find to express and explain my gender being 'masculine' (with several different question marks. I'm a boy in the same way orange soda is the same as a regular orange. same sorta spirit. completely different executions.) above all. I am still trans. and I will always be trans. that's who I am <33

My gender is. an interesting topic. In the way that I have not yet found a label to describe it other than being transmasc. which I know as different to being a trans 'man' in the fact that I didnt transition to be a 'man', not binarily being a man. I bounce between being androgynous and being masculine, but in a way where labels like demigendered/demiboy or boyflux (other labels I've considered) don't seem to fit. because it is in a way where some days I feel more or less masculine to completely genderless. (If anyone can think of a label that fits that- I would love to hear it. I haven't even gotten into My pronoun search. maybe a seperate post on that later.)

[red-elric]

i hear yall on 'girls can wear pants just bc jane does doesnt mean shes a trans guy' but homestuck is a deeply symbolic webcomic. its different! the skirt in homestuck is used as a signifier that a character is a girl more than it is as a genuine fashion choice in the early days of the comic; with the sprite as the only representation we have to go on, rose in particular with her shorter hair becomes more obviously feminine with the skirt, eyelashes, and lipstick at a glance. the need for the skirt as a visual distinction decreases as the readers become more familiar with the comic and the art style advances, but the original motive still remains! and is turned on its head when we are introduced to the trolls; while aradia, kanaya, and feferi wear skirts, nepeta, kanaya, and vriska decidedly DONT. this choice is intentional; we are told explicitly that in troll society the differences between men and women are arbitrary, with fewer rigid rules and distinctions than in human society. the extent to which that is actually TRUE is a little bit up for debate, but it definitely has some truth to it, and nepeta, terezi, and vriska all have a level of gender fuckery about them that aradia, kanaya, and feferi dont quite have in the same way. (kanaya of course has a DIFFERENT kind of gender fuckery about her, but its a different vibe and not really relevant here.)

then we meet the alpha kids. the skirt as a signifier is irrelevant at this point; we already know which characters are boys vs girls because we have the background of their adult counterparts. you can argue that jane is introduced wearing a skirt to make it clear that it is her and not jake in her first teaser panel, since she also has short hair! and thats about it. janes narrative is all about her own agency and her lack of control in her own life. she is brainwashed, she is locked in her own home for her own protection, she is kept in the dark from her friends' true feelings and secrets because they dont know how shell react. every choice she makes for herself prior to entering the medium is framed as a mistake that ruins things for everyone; her dad, roxy, dirk. and yet, when she does enter the medium, she is alone and free from other influences for the first time. her dad is missing, condy cant (or, more accurately, currently isnt interested in) access her, and she is outside the realm of societal pressure from earth, with her three friends who have never met another person in real life before. and with her newfound freedom, she chooses to wear pants; the first human female character in homestuck to do so. she has a hands free computer headset that gives her a faux moustache. and i think thats relevant!

of course, when she becomes god tier and immediately crockertiered, all her agency and control is lost in a way that doesnt ever return to her, even in post canon content. from that moment on, she is the maid or the heiress only, and cannot express her own desires in the narrative; she has been reduced to a caricature of what condy and aranea believed of her, and in this narrative she is grossly feminized in the worst possible way. just. food for thought.

[dtmsrpfcringe]

I stumbled upon this reddit post (https://www.reddit.com/r/popheads/comments/a0vc5n/gay_male_fetishization_in_popular_culture/) and i think it explains really well what the people shipping dt and ms are doing so i thought i'd share: "a lot of it is because some fangirls see other girls as competition and don't like the idea of their fav with a girl that isn't them. if they imagine their fav in a gay relationship, I guess its not as big of a problem for them because their fav isn't choosing another girl over them.

it might also be because inter male friendships aren't commonly portrayed in popular culture, and when they are there is a notion that the friends are secretly gay all along. because some people have a hard time seeing guys be close together, they might assume that any close, emotional relationship with guys HAS to be romantic and sexual. The times were a male friendship is present, I think girls find it more interesting and dynamic than the romantic relationship that it pushes so fangirls start to imagine the male characters in a romanic relationship.

also, I think this is pretty bad, especially when its fans speculating about the private life of real people like Shawn Mendes, because a lot of times the fans have a misconstrued notion of how gay people are, like every stereotype of flamboyance and gender roles is correct and that any male that expresses any level of traditional femininity has to be gay. It's like to them if the guy has any emotions its always because he's secretly gay." The post also mentions the same thing happening with 1D and kpop idols. sad to see this happening in a lot of fandoms. girls, we need to do better

THIS!!! THIS SO MUCH THIS HOLY HELL!!! It’s not even shipping thats the issue it’s the way they treat female partners.

Aziraphale x crowley? Fantastic. Being extremely misogynistic and weird when someone mentions either az or crow with fem pronouns or as fem presenting? Fetishization.

Thinking david and michael would be cute and making polycule jokes? 10/10 no notes good on ya. Being so deranged you dream up a electionstealingmaga-esque conspiracy theory, falsely claim their partners are abusive and constantly bash anything they do bc they’re girls? Not cool bro

[natsmagi]

sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents

first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!

what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)

i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....

i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?

which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!

all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.

[llama-bird]

hey dont know your situation since im not you and didnt wanna derail your skizz post but something you said towards of the end of it: if you're nonbinary you can consider yourself trans if you want. labels were created for us to express how we feel in words afterall. but also if you meant it in a way you dont know if you want to label yourself trans personally thats perfectly alright too. labels are useful for many but can also feel restrictive for others. trying to push a nonbinary person into just another socially constructed binary of Cis or Trans would be weird of anyone. idk if this one sided talk with me a stranger will be any help but if not i hope you're having a good day, happy pride <3

Actually very welcomed derail anon!

I have been wondering whether or not I want to label myself as trans or not - I certainly dont feel cis! But I also don't want to step on anyone's toes since I'm afab and would describe my gender as "non-binary leaning feminine" and I don't know if that "qualified".

Honestly this whole thing is so complicated. I've known for more than 8 years now, I'm using a neutral name since I'm 16, and I still haven't figured out labels- and you're right, I dont have to! Noone has to!

I think I would like to use the label "trans" though, in a way that means "not cis" like "queer" means "not straight", but I'm so afraid people would take affront in that since I can be easily cis-presenting. If it was too dangerous for me to come out I wouldn't struggle as much and some part of my brain thinks I don't deserve it therefore, even though thats stupid. If I was anyone else I'd say hell yes you deserve the label and everything around it!

Labels are social constructs after all. We created them, we define them...

This is just a ramble Idk if it will help anyone but me. Maybe someone who's in the same boat will read this and feel validated. Maybe someone reads this and learns something.

Anyway, thank you anon for the ask! Happy pride!! <3

[helsex]

So your post about them living domestically got me thinking so much

1. You understand them so deeply it amazes me. I know you did a full analysis and expression video about the hels' kitchen, so I shouldn't be surprised, but it's not that I'm surprised for the first time, it's that i keep getting surprised, im re-surprised.

2. all my AUs I have they live domestically. They have hurt each other, but theyve also walked the same roads and talked the same conversations _together_ and in most my AUs they're all the other has (traditionally, I feel like I see that a lot.) I dont have a single AU where they're still evil and have petty hatred and physical aggression towards each other simply because that's how they were born. I believe fully in character "growth" or perhaps regression in their case. they just spend so much time stranded and alone but with each other that they take the time to think and reevaluate their situation. what's the point in being evil evil evil go go go all the time? I know your exhels is kinda in this limbo between rivals and domestic together and i think that dynamic is interesting too because it still holds pieces of their canon selves in their. It's not fully fanon ig?

3. That post gave me the idea that it had the context of canon!exhels and not your depiction of them, so that made me think of other things besides domestically living. sexuality! obviously you talk about your headcanon a lot here which is important. unless you genuinely want us to see your hels as transfemme, I still want to respect her as genderqueer (? fuck I forgot) like you answered for another anon and just mentioned in general. I wasn't thinking about gender though, i was moreso thinking about attraction. The only person i know to have an AU with straight Hels is myself. And that's only one AU, in which he eventually becomes bisexual because he falls in love with EX. technically, wouldn't canon!Hels be straight since he's based off Wels? The idea of becoming domestic is almost purely fanon. They became friendly, as we saw in Hels' Kitchen, but we never saw further than that, so any speculation is a headcanon. They really can't become domestic unless wels or xisuma says so, i guess.

(3. was a jumble of thoughts, I really hope it made sense, I'm sorry)

-MJ!! rarara so sorry for ranting so long

YAYYY. i talk about them so much i can't tell if any of it makes sense anymore so people thinking i do really get them makes me go yayyy yipeee

2. that's based af, i feel exploring their animosity can only be interesting for so long, and some people are just fine with them being indefinite toxic haters but i personally also like giving them that development and growth. my ex and hels definitely have a fraught and long journey but id say in their most present form they are no longer rivals...still rough around the edges and not engaging with domesticity the same as others would, but closer than not. i just like exploring every part of their relationship at any time so i could be posting about early exhels one minute then modern exhels that same hour, just more fun

3. as far as the canon sexuality and domesticity....well yeah we don't have much 95% is headcanon thats a given. would hels be straight when he's yes based off wels but also in most ways the opposite of him? i think realistically wels would say either he is straight or he doesn't care about love because he's evil and so his sexuality is irrelevant. in a lot of ways based off how wels describes hels exhels just would not be a thing. but their canon potential has never been in any way the point, unlike with ships in other media i feel for mcyt fans the idea of their ship becoming canon never even crosses their minds. it's no different for exhels to me. while i argue there's no canon to explicitly say hels is straight or that exhels is off the table it wouldn't change anything if there was because i would be here doing the same thing. ya feel? exhels has been built from the ground up as one of the most fanon ships in mcyt, it being canonized has crossed my mind as an amusing thought but ultimately it doesn't matter. (also as of recently my hels Is in fact transfem + genderqueer but that doesn't change much in how i refer to her and his attraction to ex or anyone for that matter would still very much be gay she is not straight lol)

[wishing-stones]

Hihihi i saw your reblog about calcium cat recently and... thank you for that! It was eye opening and confirmed some suspicions i had... and im sorry you dont have to post this ask if you dont want to, i just didnt know where else to go. I don't use tumblr often, very sorry if i am bothering you!

So, i used to be a big fan of calcium cat's, and when i learned from your reblog that she's not someone i want to associate myself with, i remembered that she and topazshadowwolf (someone who wrote some Dadmare and Soriel fics that I liked, i think they're well known in the community but im not sure?) were affiliated with one another, and topazshadowwolf has these two posts on their blog that arent outright queerphobic like calcium cat's posts. i wanted to see what your thoughts were on it as a second opinion because i dont want to judge them too hard, but i also got an icky feeling from these posts that i can't really explain. I dont want to cause trouble for them if they don't deserve it which is why i wanted to ask your opinion on it. And im on anon in case if it really is that bad...

https://www.tumblr.com/topazshadowwolf/738317097192603648/anon-i-am-not-going-to-reply-to-that-ask-i-dont?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/topazshadowwolf/738292724279672832/i-didnt-want-to-say-this-but-its-been-bugging?source=share

Uhmm yeah thats about it. Sorry, you probably dont get asks like this that much, i really just didnt know what to do and didnt see anyone talking about it and thought i was going crazy, i wanted to ask someone. I am a queer person myself and i just felt like these posts were really off but idk why :(((

Sorry this took a bit to get to Anon, I legitimately had no idea who this person was. Also had to grapple with the fact that I'm apparently a big enough figurehead here to ask about discourse? Willlddd to me. I'm not used to this LOL.

Discourse under the cut

The first thing that strikes me as off is the fact that Cal commented on the ask linked in the first post you provided. Don't like that. Openly associating with someone who has been outed as an immensely bigoted trans/homophobe is.... not a good look.

However, in regards to that ask, I agree with some of what they were saying. School is a time to play at discovery, because you rarely remain who you were as a child. It's not a definitive thing. You can be adamant that you're one way in school, and once you leave it an broaden your horizons, you discover that you're another way. This ranges anything from sexualities, gender expression, to religion and belief systems. People grow and change.

As an aside, I don't agree that NM wouldn't support them if they claimed to be different from how they are as adults and wouldn't support them. No context given, but I assume the boys don't remember being adults. This means their growing experiences will be fundamentally different than they were as former adults because they are going through their childhood/adolescence in a wildly different way than they did underground. So constricting them to such a narrow scope seems... disingenuous at best.

Seems a might bit narrow-minded, but I wouldn't go screaming "transphobia" yet. Don't like the "if you feel like I disrespected you, leave" though. The correct response is to ask what you did that made someone feel that way.

Worthy of a side-eye, but unless someone presents solid proof (as with Cal's very damning twitter likes, yuck), bad vibes shouldn't be enough to try to cancel someone. I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I sincerely hope my general faith here is not misplaced.

[socialcarcrash]

i wanna talk about mcr's performance of sleep at mexico city in 2022 cause it means so much to me and ive GOTTA get this out of my brain before autism makes me explode !!

During this performance, i wanna start by talking about HOW important gerards use of vocal pedals are!! cause holy shit it changed my life and its opened up this whole realm of inspiration and ideas for me musically.

I write music a lot and im really trying to pursue it, but as a trans guy and a soprano its hard to use my voice in a way that feels right. cause like...i CAN sing but uts hard to use my voice in interesting ways when sometimes dysphoria makes it feel like my voice isnt MINE. I cant go on T for the foreseeable future cause of family reasons and financial ones...and i live in the UK so accessing gender affirming care is like splitting the atom sometimes, but i have stuff to say and ideas i want to use in my music, and im tired of waiting. trans people end up spending so much of their life waiting anyway, and i want to start doing something now.

I have ideas and i need to get them out cause sometimes i feel like they are eating me cause im so excited about doing something with my brain and my life ya know?

Thats where the vocal pedals come in, a way to manipulate my voice so uts still mine but ut sounds REALLY freaking cool!! you can express so much and di so many cool things with them, and dont get me wrong, people have been using them for YEARS, but live? you see it SO MUCH LESS and its SO POWERFUL.

so the pedals plus gerards performance style, which is emotional and raw but visibly you know its fun and interesting artistically to explore those emotions at this point in their career and i feel so inspired by it.

i want also mention the joan of arc of it all, cause of gerards connection to joan of arc it adds another layer to the performance as a whole on every level. and its SO special to me.

honestly might do a whole post about joan of arc cause i could talk about her and what she means in society and represents and her whole story and stuff for literally hours.

but in summary, holy fuck is this performance REALLY FREAKING COOL!!

[scentofpines]

"have you ever considered...that identifying out of woman/girlhood because you don't relate to the societal implications, expectations, etc... contributes to making womanhood (feel) even more restrictive?"

i thought your post on this was very interesting. ive identified as lesbian most of my life, but have been recently wondering if the identity of trans man fits me better. your post is making me wonder if i only feel this way because my true self is labelled "[gender] non conforming." im a pretty rebellious person most of the time so i am hesitant to think id be submitting to the gender binary if i transitioned like you suggest.

the thing is, i know there are gnc trans men (even though i wouldnt be one), so it does seem to me that even within transgender identities, gender expression still exists separate from sex. id just be trans because i wish i was born with a penis, not because im gnc as a woman.

but idk im really conflicted over it, and would like to hear more of your opinion since your aforementioned post caught me so off guard and further added to my self-questioning

Hi, thank you for your message and your honesty! Sorry my reply is so long but this is just such a big and complex issue and also english isn’t my first language, so I often struggle with finding the right words.

I think due to the way societies across the globe treat women, it is already very hard to be born female and not struggle with your body at some point or another and it is even harder when you are a lesbian as that is kind of seen as „doing womanhood wrong“ because a lot of the stuff that is conventionally labeled as „feminine“ or „womanly“ is centered around gaining male approval and as a lesbian this tends to either not be important at all or less so than it is for heterosexual women (i think the male gaze or whatever you wanna call it is so deeply ingrained in women from their childhood on that it can even affect lesbians in the sense that we’re trying to indirectly appeal to men even though were not even attracted to them but thats a different topic).

The wish to transition very often affects gay people in my experience (before the rise in media attention to transgenderism it was in my experience mostly gay men that transitioned and even now with females i think the percentage of gay girls/women that want to transition is waaayy higher than that of heteros) and I think the reason behind that has a lot to do with societal aversion to lesbians (and gay men too). I have heard from both trans women and detrans women that they believe their transgender journey is linked to trauma that they experienced (partially due to their homosexuality).

You wrote that you don’t think that you would submit to the gender binary by transitioning but in my opinion you would still strenghten the concept of gender itself. What is it that makes you want to transition in the first place? You said you identified as a lesbian most of your life, what changed? What made you start questioning this identity and what made you think that there was something about your body that needed to be changed?

If i understood correctly, you said that you want to transition because you wish to have a penis. There are many reasons why someone who is female would wish for that from shits-and-giggles-reasons, to practicality (like peeing standing up lol), health struggles with their female genitalia, internalized disgust about them, generalized resentment of their female body parts etc. As I dont know your personal situation I cant really have an opinion about this, however I do not believe into the narrative anymore that trans people have been „born in the wrong body“. For a long time I believed this because I too struggled a lot with my female physique, breasts, etc and could empathize with this notion. But then I realized that this would imply that our souls/brains have a sex and this is soooo sexist. This sentiment was used for thousands of years to oppress women and I hate it lol. „L’esprit n’a pas de sexe“ has already been said by Poulain de la Barre in 1673 and it holds true. No one is born in the wrong body, especially if your body is completely healthy and functional. Just like no one is born with the wrong nose or skin colour, no one is born with the wrong sex. It is the circumstances (beauty standards, racism, sexism, etc.) which people grow up and live in that make it feel as if that were the case. THESE CIRCUMSTANCES NEED TO CHANGE, NOT YOU.

I know having a female body can be so fucking hard and it can cause so much suffering and resentment but there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You say you are rebellious and I bet that‘s true but the most rebellious thing to do as a female is to radically accept your body and fuck all expectations that society places upon you because of your sex, all stereotypes, ideals, etc.

Now you say you wish you had a penis but as said above, I think there is a reason for that wish forming in your head. I dont think anyone is born hating their sex characteristics and wishing for the opposite ones. Maybe you can work on finding out that reason (maybe you already do) and resolve it. I know that body dysmorphia and dysphoria can become so horribly bad that there are cases where a transition feels like and maybe truly is the only way out (I still dont think someone is born that way, but in some cases the damage to the way you perceive your natural body is already done and so bad that no amount of therapy and inner work can repair it, at least not in a "timely" manner), but from reading your message it doesn’t seem like this is necessarily the case for you.

It is great that you keep questioning yourself on this matter and seem to really think this through btw! I’m sure you are aware of this, but a transition (obviously) has tremendous effects on your body and mind and even some changes from HRT are hardly reversible (the permanent voice changes in ftmtf detransitioners for example and way more serious complications that can and do often happen) and especially the penis that you desire is hardly achievable. Even the absolute best results of srs for ftms are neither functional in the way a natural penis is, nor do they look like one. Depending on how bad and persistent the dysphoria was before, the result may or may not be satisfying. If complications arise, and they often do, they can be catastrophical.

One advice I would like to give might sound a bit harsh but I mean it lovingly and it is that you shouldnt even care so much about yourself or rather your identity. I genuinely never think about what my identity is or what label fits it and it is very freeing. I dont shave anything, I have very short hair, I dont ever wear makeup despite my features absolutely not fitting the current beauty standards, I wear exclusively comfortably clothes that mostly arent considered very feminine, etc. etc. but this has ZERO effect on my womanhood because me being a woman just puts a word to the fact that I’m an adult human female. I havent always felt that way and it still is hard sometimes to exist so contrary to the female societal standards but what really helps me is to see other women who do the same, sharing thoughts like your wishing to have male genitalia with women who felt the same and overcame it and are happy now with their bodies. So generally speaking: Stop revolving so much around yourself. You are capable of sooo much, you are literally a witness of life, you are consciousness, you are on this earth to observe and feel and create and do and experience and not to constantly wonder about your identity. Just BE. (I’m not quite there myself yet lol it takes time).

Ok I really rambled here and I hope this is at least somewhat coherent. No matter how you decide I really wish you the best and hope whatever you choose is the right path for you! Have a nice day <3

[sybaritick]

today's kinktober fic: Gale/Tav + hypno/mind control :3

Suggestion is an M-rated fic (though without explicit sex) that is set post-canon and features a submissive (but low key in denial about it) Gale and a drow wizard Tav who goes to visit him before he wields the Crown of Karsus to attain godhood... her visit is just for academic reasons, surely.

“There’s no need to decide now,” Vierlin said. “Consider it, while I entice you with my recent results on eliminating immunity to psychic harm. Particularly for non-corporeal beings– those for whom psychic damage may be the only type we mortals are capable of inflicting.” She loved the way Gale's expression brightened so easily at the study of magic, especially when it came to the paths few wizards had yet taken. Still, she could see that after a fraction of a moment he corrected himself to a more appropriate expression. One wouldn’t want to look too eager.

also today the fic comes with rambling author's commentary (with "spoilers" for the fic) and just a bit of insight on how i write:

for this fic i tried v hard to make it so these two are both genderfucked in all these little ways (and some obvious ways).

it is not a fic that is, on the SURFACE, about gender, but it is actually about gender (at least when i was writing it thats what was in my head), like for example when i say he pours her tea first, thats like how a man pours a woman's wine before his own, he's doing it out of a sense of remembered propriety/probably what he was taught. but when she asks to kiss him, he says “If you returned only to bed me, I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you.”-- as perhaps he learned a woman "should", so he does! baby it's cold outside-style... :)

and then obviously that she leads-- she starts their little game, and ends it, even though he is attracted to her as well (and just doesn't want to have that kind of FWB situation poor gale-- another thing that is stereotypically associated with women, not wanting casual sex because he wanted something real with her.)

and then the way she puts his boobs away at the end is meant to be like, as a man would do if he were "chivalrous" :3

so yeah thats my explanation of how the fic about mind control is actually also about gender. you're welcome!

[dykeyote]

obviously i know of the wonderful real and true lesbian hermie but i would still like to hear ur thoughts on her :3

HIII :3 thank u for the excuse to explain because truly i feel so strongly abt this . here is my extensive reasons as to why hermie unworthy could never be anything but a lesbian and ur hcs are all wrong and this IS a personal attack on you btw <- thats a joke this post is very silly and not meant to be an Actual Theory but i DO feel strongly

lezzermie realness: a manifesto

REASON 1!!!!!!!!! again . WHAT WAS THE BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM THING ABOUT . and this isnt "actor character randomly dresses up as kiera knightley from bend it like beckham for no reason" which to be clear . would still make me raise my eyebrows . HOWEVER hermie isnt just any kind of actor shes a SPECIFICALLY DC ACTOR . she ONLY does dc characters . the ONE other time is when she's dressing up as scary for like a Real Reason . this is not a real reason its not even a musical or a play or smt its not even theatre kiddy . what are you trying to say hermie others will silence you but i will let you speak

REASON 2!!!!!!!!!!!!! further reasons will be predicated on the assumption that scary marlowe is a: a lesbian and b: that her crush on hermie is lesbianistic in nature . this can be proven simply w the line "im not like other girls i dont like ned or earl but when im with you my heart shatters or smt along those lines i cant be bothered to check verbatim" . abt hermie . oh so youre not into GENERIC MASCULINE NAMES like OTHER (STRAIGHT) GIRLS but hermie is different ...... this is successfully✅ proven . also she compared her and scary to the joker and harley ..... and scary STILL had a crush . i dont think anybody could tolerate that unless it was from a lesbian 🙏

REASON 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with this assumption presumed ....... now i know what you were thinking in reason one when i asserted hermie only broke dc those tow times . "val thats not true he was jack on the titanic" . to that i say YES ...... she did an overdramatic romantic scene riffing on an iconic straight couple from a historical movie with (as we have 100% proven) a lesbian w a dykey ass crush on her . whats more lesbian than that . thats the butchfemmiest shit

REASON 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hear you cry from the crowds . but valentine ur MISSING something . ur WRONG . because NORMAL!!!!!!!! to which i say normal is so obviously a girl to everyone but herself lets be real . the eldritch beast she has this deep connection with and empathizes with immediately is fixated on being a bad girl? she has a whole arc where she tries to be a normal son and boy to appeal to her parent who doesnt approve of how she chooses to express herself and picks a masculine name to go w it in contrast to . um . i mean i guess an adjective is gender neutral??????? hermies a lesbian FOR normal not DESPITE normal ......... also lesbians can be mlm and have complex genders too . me for example . bigender swag which hermie absolutely has

REASON 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if we assume normal's arc is transgender THEN we must observe the parallels with hermie and come to the same conclusion of girlmie (or boygirlmie but bigendermie is a convo for another day) realness . both created to be a specific type of son (normal well Normal, hermie a joke machine) both Not Quite Right in a way they cant shake both reaching out for a new more fitting identity which in hermie's case EXPLICITLY includes gender nonconformity (we will discuss next bulletpoint) . and if we prove girlmie by way of her crush on scary (and as previously stated normal) we prove lezzermie

REASON 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dressing up as poison ivy isnt necessarily lesbianistic because she dresses up as other dc villains HOWEVER!!!!!! i will argue that the way she goes about it is uniquely suggesting of dykery . a: she flirts with normal .... THROUGH poison ivy . distinctly RELATED to poison ivy . this is lesbian behavior and reinforces my prior point and b: she REPEATS poison ivy ...... which she rarely does with others she goes through Eras with the rest of them but abandons them after HOWEVER!!!!! she does poison ivy sexy and gets sort of interrupted . THEN does batman in the spiderboyz intro . THEN goes back to poison ivy in hell........ why does she only repeat the known lesbian 🤨

REASON 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERMIE unworthy ... HER MIE .... like her and me ...... instead of her man (heterosexual in nature) she chooses herMIE . normal holds her face and goes YOURE HERMIE (her x me) . think about it guys . think about it ........

ok anyway thats enough of my ramblings . this post is very silly if u cant tell but i am a #believer

[thedistortedfroggit]

Another Note to self, because lets be real, I'm going to forget.

I wont bother with tags this time, since I'm not really in the mood Just wanna quickly jot this down on a place where nothing can be forgotten(AKA: the internet)

So.

As some of you might know, I've grown back into the UNDERTALE fandom. More of the AU side, because honestly, they're just more interesting to me.

ANYWAYS! So, Other than making my own AU: Temptale Which, if I had to make an AO3 title out of, would be 'Temp(erature/tation)tale' kinda like a 'Aggre(g/v)ation' if you've read that fic. You should. It's a good Roommate Sans x Reader fic.

Anyways^2, you can probably tell what Temptale is about, just from that little Nugget of info. But! I'm not here to talk about Temptale nor Snowpop(The Sans of that AU, since I haven't given him a name yet, that's his temporary name)

I'm here to talk about another idea: Guide. If they had an AO3 title, it'd be 'Guidance' or 'Tutorial' maybe. Originally, They were going to be part of a Player!Sans AU I was going to make, but we'll see.

Anyway, DOORS, yk that roblox horror hotel game, has given me a new idea on how to twist things. Specifically, if you'd guessed, Guiding Light.

And what else could be considered a 'Guiding Light' down in the underground? The SAVE points. So Guide is responsible for the save points, right? Thats their domain. (Also just a little Artist/Author note from me to... well ig me?: Because I draw women in power too often, I've decided.. Guide will just switch genders randomly. Genderfluid in a way, but they don't actually care what you call them[projecting, ik.]. Nobody is sure what to call them, with Guide changing everytime and not expressing any interest in pronouns... so everyone just uses They/Them but default)

ANYWAYS! I got this little idea while looking back on several Post-pacifist Surface!UT fics for reoccurring themes or cliches. Then I realized, they(who am I kidding, sans.) brings up Frisk resetting and bringing them all back underground.

Then I thought about SAVE stars. Then my mind reels into another direction: Those 4-leaf sigils from Genshin's Sumeru? The yellow dots that let you zip around the place? Ok. Now imagine if you could do that with save points-- But Wait! What if the only SAVE points were underground?

Well, then, look up. At the sky. At the stars. The stars that the SAVE stars share appearance with. THOSE can be the other SAVE stars they can teleport with. But Frisk can't save on them, because the stars are too far from their reach on earth.

Then that though followed by with: Wait, if the stars in the Night sky are SAVE stars, what about the UNDERGROUND? Where there isn't a sky to look at said stars?? Then my brain answered with: Thats why the SAVE stars are on the ground. They have no sky.

ALSO ALSO: Since the SAVE stars are supposed to be the stars in the sky, they'd be pretty far. Even if Guide can teleport through them. ...What if those SAVE stars lead to other AUs? Like, say, Guide would point to a star in the distance, zoom through and ends up in Underfell or something, because that particular star is closer to that AU than UNDERTALE's.

They would totally say something fondly cryptic like: "the alternates. the universe you speak, you think of. They are not a void's away They are not a machine's life. They are simply a star, far, far, and further, away."

Or something like that.