#and a dresser from ikea

[wildestheart4ever]

I have a empty room I have full ideas for and none of the money for it

[curiosity-killed]

Life lesson: when the delivery guys don’t just offer to bring the furniture to your apartment but are like “are you sure??? It’s REALLY heavy”

maybe. listen.

[z00r0p4]

@ ikea please end the MALM and KALLAX tyranny thank u

[gudetamaaa]

hmmm debating between a casual cosplay outfit, or two books, or taking a leap and getting a guitar ..... u-u ;;;; picking things for yourself is still overwhelming ....

[gender-trash]

so i complain a lot about low build quality of modern durable goods, but i do think there's a lot of freedom in having durable goods that (while they meet or exceed a minimum level of functionality) you aren't tempted to Keep Nice.

i don't care if my cat sharpens her claws on the couch because it's an ikea couch i got for free off a friend who was moving away. i don't care if my car gets scratched because it's already dinged up and it doesn't make it any less drivable. i don't care if my desk chair upholstery gets stained; it was cheap and who gives a shit if my chair is grungy. in many cases i actively disprefer the Nice version of the thing (like, say, a fancy expensive car) because it's emotionally a lot harder to blow off incidental damage.

this is also a thing that's really nice about DIYing/thrift flipping furniture and shit: i don't care that much if i scratch up the finish on my desk because -- well, it's a desk. who cares if a desk is scratched?? but also, i built the damn thing, so i can just sand it and refinish it with the exact same varnish. i could reupholster the various cat-scratched furniture, if for some reason i wanted to do that. i CAN, in fact, Fix Him.

i grew up in a house with a bunch of Nice Furniture, including (most frustratingly) antiques where you absolutely could not leave anything wet on them ever. a couple times, in the course of lighting birthday candles, the kitchen table accidentally got match-scorched, and my mom STILL tisks over those burn marks every time she remembers they exist. and i have to say, constantly Being Careful of the Furniture did and still does drive me up the wall. it's exhausting. like -- you don't have to spend mental energy on that!! you can refinish the dang table! you can, idk, lasercut some clear acrylic sheets to put on top of the antique dresser set! you can also decide to just not care about your stuff displaying the ordinary signs of wear and tear from being lived with, instead of trying to make a home a furniture showplace. every time i look at the scorch marks on my parents' kitchen table, i remember eating birthday cake.

[3liza]

here's what I've learned to never pay full price for, because people are giving these items away for free or almost free on Craigslist, Nextdoor, Facebook, at Goodwill, and on eBay (which has a local pickup section) in every sufficiently populated location in the USA.

cost of acquiring these items ranges from "carrying it home from the sidewalk" to "getting a friend with a car to help you pick it up" which is the same amount of effort as going to IKEA for worse quality that costs more, with the notable exception of it being a pain in the ass to coordinate with craigslist sellers, and you often have to wait and watch for what you want to actually show up. it took me about a year to find an acceptable gamer chair left out on the sidewalk, for example. but they cost $100+ new, so I chose to wait.

a lot of this stuff is the kind of thing you don't necessarily intend to keep, just to use in transitional housing or until you can afford a better one.

1. printers of any kind. basic office inkjets are free. ink is easily refillable or has generic ink cartridges way cheaper than brand name for any inkjet up to about 2015, not sure how difficult the newer smart printers are to hack but there's no reason to own a newer one because printing technology has not improved since about 2005. you want a color laser for making zines and wheatpastes? it's on Craigslist RN and someone's mom is desperate to get rid of it

2. bedframes

3. desks

4. tables

5. chairs

6. bookshelves, nice oak bookshelves that don't bend like al dente spaghetti when you put books on them, are rotting on sidewalks rn because they didn't fit in someone's house. go get them

7. scanners. I find a working scanner by a dumpster at least once a quarter, and I don't pick them up because I already have one that I picked up from a dumpster years ago

8. hot tubs. everyone thinks they want a hot tub and that the maintenance and upkeep will be worth it, and they are wrong. Craigslist.

9. sofas, with the caveat that if you are in a bedbug region like New York State you need to be very confident in your bedbug screening skills

10. quality leather shoes. these last forever and are expensive new. eBay is best for these

11. plates, glassware, silverware. all of these are able to be sterilized to whatever standard you feel comfortable with but if you eat in restaurants you've already put a fork in your mouth that hundreds of people have drooled on so try not to fool yourself

12. televisions and computer monitors

13. houseplants. similar to the bedbug warning above, you need to screen these for pests like fungus gnats and mealybugs

14. dressers, wardrobes, china hutches, cabinets, chests of drawers, etc

15. mirrors

16. clothes hangers

17. moving boxes

18. mattresses to a certain extent. I don't like secondhand used mattresses but unstained, unused mattresses are surprisingly common, especially since the foam mail order mattress boom started and people keep getting told by the mattress companies to just get rid of/keep any mattresses they want to return for flaws or wrong sizes or whatever. bedbug warning on this obviously

19. sheets and towels. you gotta launder them obviously

20. basic clothing, especially for kids. normie type clothing is so numerous people often just throw them away because they can't get anyone to take them

21. kitchenware like cooking utensils and pots n pans. don't use chipped or scratched Teflon/nonstick if you can help it. everyone needs one basic steel chef knife, which can be sharpened and maintained indefinitely. people throw these away CONSTANTLY

22. household consumables like laundry soap and dish soap. people often accidentally buy the wrong brand, scent, or develop allergies and want to get rid of extra

23. pet supplies like collars, leashes, dog crates, litter boxes, litter itself, dog beds, toys, carriers, etc

24. medical equipment of all kinds. people who take care of all kinds of patients end up with tons of leftover, sealed, miscellaneous stuff when that person recovers or dies, and they often give it away. adult diapers, hospital beds, IV stands, crutches, walkers, wheelchairs, fracture boots and splints, knee braces, canes, catheter packs, ice packs, heat packs, sterile paper sheeting, gauze, slings, over-the-door stretching and rehab pulleys, mattress protectors, etc

25. washers and dryers, both the basic household cube type and the small twin tub or rock tumbler type. people upgrade these when the old ones are still working, just squeaky or a little weird or sometimes just old

26. vacuum cleaners. secondhand ones are sort of icky but you can get rid of the ickiness by wiping them down with a rag and isopropyl alcohol inside and out. use an exacto or utility knife to slice off the hair and string wrapped around the roller. buy a new filter on Amazon. people throw away vacuums that work perfectly all the time because they don't actually know how to clean them out or do maintenance. bedbug and pet hair warning obviously

27. microwaves

28. refrigerators

30. lamps

31. any kind of exercise equipment including stationary bikes, ellipticals and weights/weight benches

32. any kind of piano. there's a grand on my local Craigslist for free rn

33. scrap wood and lumber

34. pallets

35. wood shipping crates

36. newborn, toddler and baby equipment like breast milk pumps and storage, bottles, bottle racks, diapers, etc. anything a little guy will grow out of fast will end up being given away

37. air conditioners, humidifiers and dehumidifiers. these will be most numerous during their respective off seasons

list updated 2/13/24 based on recent Craigslist trawling

38. jars, both canning type jars and clean food jars like from pickled or jelly bought at the store

39. rugs. most of my rugs are sidewalk finds. rugs will almost always be dirty. a decent consumer grade rug cleaner costs under $100, it's cheaper to just buy one if you have the space to store it. flushing the scavenged rug with soap, hot water, vinegar, alcohol, etc will clean almost anything but huge bedbug and allergen warning on this item

[sommerbueckers]

hiyaa might get real specific with this one but can u do one where paige n r get a piece of furniture from ikea for their flat and paige is complaining that its not like lego at all. it takes them so long to build it and they just keep bickering and in the end they finally finish but find a whole bag of screws or sm

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭

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✰ 𝐰𝐜 :: 𝟏.𝟔𝐤

✰ 𝐢 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨, 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐧𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐨𝐟𝐟

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YOU AND PAIGE HAD been shopping around for hours, neither of you seemingly able to agree on a theme for the empty room in your flat. Paige wanted to turn it into a game room; colorful furniture, sports posters littering the walls, an obnoxiously large TV accompanied by a PlayStation 5 with an obnoxious amount of controllers. You, the more reasonable and mature one, wanted to turn it into a mini library/guest bedroom for when family came to stay. Paige thought that was absolutely ridiculous.

She had nitpicked every piece of furniture you picked out; the bookshelf looked too old, the bed looked too small, the dresser 'just wasn't appealing to the eyes'. Your eyes narrowed with every 'no' she gave you, but nonetheless you let her have her way. Just like always.

Several furniture stores later, the two of you landed in the middle of a high scale Ikea. The cart you pushed in front of you was empty, save for your handbag which sat in the built in baby seat. You slowly turned your head from side to side, scrutinizing things in your head as you passed. Paige did the same, trailing closely behind you with her hands stuffed deep into her pockets.

You had slowly but surely found yourselves in the bedroom department, bed frames and nightstands surrounded you. Your eyes fell onto an ample-sized couch, the description reading 'Sofa Bed' in large, bold letters. You pushed the cart toward it to examine it closer, Paige's sighs growing faint as you left her behind. It was decently priced, and you discovered the material to be quite soft as you ran your hand over the armrest. You abandoned the cart, plopping down onto one of the cushions and getting comfortable.

"What're you doin?" Paige was leaning against a dresser, her chin resting against her arms.

"Come tell me if you think this is comfortable," you patted the space next to you, your decision-making face present.

"For what?" she asked, coming to join you without an answer. She sat down with a heavy sigh, shimmying in place.

"What do you think?"

She shrugged and made an unsatisfactory noise, "It's okay."

"Paige," you spoke sternly.

"What? You asked what I thought about it and I said it was okay, I don't like it, but clearly you do."

"What's wrong with this one then?" you ask, frustration evident in your voice.

"It's so lame. No colors, no patterns, just plain white."

"Paige, you already have your PlayStation in the living room and your entire side of the bedroom has basketball posters on it. You don't need an entire room for your stuff," you tried to reason.

"But you get to put all your books in there!" she complained.

"That's because my books hardly take up any space, and like I said before, it'd be nice for my mom to have someplace to stay when she comes to visit. Or what about your family, that way they don't have to get a hotel."

"If my family comes to visit, they're not stayin' with us. Ion want them hearing how I tear you up every night," she shook her head.

"Paige!" you slapped her arm, briefly making eye contact with a woman and her son as they passed by, no doubt having heard Paige's inappropriate comment. You gave her an awkward smile, casting your gaze downwards before looking back to your girlfriend. "Keep your voice down. Obviously we wouldn't be doing anything when they're visiting," you told her plainly.

"You expect me to keep my hands off you for that long? Yeah, fuck that, no way."

"Paige."

"What?"

"We're getting the couch."

When we reached the front of the furniture store to check out, Paige opted to put the large cardboard box containing the couch in the back of the car. It wasn't going to fit, and as the logical one of the two of you, you chose for the couch to be delivered to you for a fifty dollar fee. Paige sucked her teeth from beside you, you were always overriding her decisions. But in your defense, yours always worked out for the better.

When the clerk asked whether you wanted a team of men to assemble the couch upon delivery, you said 'yes', Paige said 'no'.

"Paige, we are not gonna put this thing together ourselves."

"Yes we are. Trust me, we got this, okay? I put shit together with my legos all the time, how hard could it be?"

"THIS SHIT IS REALLY FUCKIN' HARD," Paige groaned, her back resting against the wall as she stared tiredly at the mess you two had created, wishing that'd it just magically put itself together. Across her lap lay a sheet of directions, the paper was incredibly creased, finger sized dents on the page from having been passed back and forth between the two of you. You had been biting your lip to say 'I told you so' from the moment you had opened the box and were met with the complexity of the situation.

You were standing with an unimpressed look on your face, a piece of metal in one hand and a drill in the other. You were impatiently tapping your foot against the floor.

"Maybe if you had listened to me when I requested for them to put it together when they delivered it, we wouldn't be sitting here stuck as fuck," you sassed, pursing your lips out at her.

You were met with a glare. "Dude, okay! I'm sorry I overestimated your hard labor skills," she responded.

"I don't have hard labor skills, and neither do you! Seriously, what on Earth made you think this was a good idea?"

"Oh like you haven't overestimated yourself before," Paige rolled her eyes.

"Um, I haven't, thank you. I know my limits," you argued.

"What about the time we went to the gym and you tried to benchpress 150 without warming up?" she raised her brow.

"Okay well that was—"

"Or the time you thought you could make blueberry muffins from scratch without looking at the directions?"

"In my defense I had—"

"And let's not forget about how you bet me your favorite sweatshirt that you could beat me in Fortnite because you had been watching me long enough."

"Okay! Enough Paige, I get it," you seethed, furrowing your eyebrows at the taller girl. She was looking down at you with a victorious smirk, her arms crossing over her chest as you smoke again. "I haven't always been exactly...grounded. But still, in all the losses I've had, I've never dragged you down with me. I feel like there's a chain tied around my ankles right now and you just threw the anchor half a mile underground."

"Oh this is not that bad," she laughed.

"Paige we've been here for hours and we haven't put a single piece together!" you were laughing too.

"That's because you're goin' too slow, if you would've jus' listened to me then we would already be done!"

"Like when you told me we had to buy a mattress first and build around that?" you snorted, your hands on your hips.

"Does it not make sense?"

"Can you just hand me the directions please?" you sighed.

WITH A SATISFIED GRIN, you slapped your hands against your knees and stood, admiring the sofa bed you and Paige had finally assembled. The room was filled with the faint smell of new furniture and the evidence of your hard work—scattered instructions, a few empty screw packets, and two exhausted, but triumphant smiles.

Paige stood beside you, her own smile shining brightly. "I told you we had it," she said, giving your shoulder a proud pat.

You briefly narrowed your eyes at her, feigning indignation. "Yes, after hours of me having to go behind your mistakes and fix them, we’re finally done!"

Paige laughed, shaking her head. "Oh, come on, it wasn’t that bad!"

Just as you both started to clean up, you noticed a small bag tucked away beneath the pile of discarded packaging. Curious, you reached down and pulled it out, feeling the weight of it in your hand.

"Uh, Paige?" you said, holding up the bag for her to see.

Paige turned to you, her smile fading slightly as she recognized what you were holding. "You gotta be joking."

You nodded, your own smile slipping into a look of bewilderment. "I think we missed a step...or several."

Paige’s eyes widened as she took the bag from you, examining it with disbelief. "How did we miss this? We used everything else!"

You both stared at the bag for a moment, then turned to look at the sofa bed, which was standing proudly in the middle of the room. The realization set in, and you could feel a mix of horror and amusement bubbling up inside you.

Paige was the first to break the silence, a laugh escaping her lips. "Well… at least it hasn’t collapsed yet?"

You couldn’t help but laugh too, the absurdity of the situation too much to ignore. "Maybe it’s a miracle of engineering."

Paige shook her head, still laughing. "You think we should take it apart?"

You both glanced at the sofa bed again, then at each other. The thought of spending more hours disassembling and reassembling the whole thing was almost too much to bear.

"Nah," you finally said, tossing the bag of screws onto the floor. "Let’s just pretend this never happened. If it falls apart, we’ll deal with it then."

Paige grinned, relieved. "Okay. Besides, it looks good enough to me."

You both flopped onto the sofa bed, testing its sturdiness. It held up, at least for the moment, and that was good enough for now. You shared a glance, bursting into another fit of laughter. 

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[haoboutyou]

strong and independent (?!) | choi seungcheol

fluff, established r/s | 821 words | like one swear word

an: i fell sick again :/

divider credit

 “–and then he freaked out! It wasn’t even that bad!”

You giggle, the live feed of your best friend frantically waving her arms around as she dramatically retells a story enlarged on your laptop screen. The dying afternoon sun peeks from above your screen, golden hour flooding your apartment. You and Yerim have been on call for the majority of the afternoon, your sweet best friend’s voice accompanying you as you sit on the floor, trying to assemble a new Ikea dresser. The parts are scattered methodically as you slowly work your way through each drawer, Yerim’s voice spilling into your living room like a juicy podcast.

“Yeah? Then what did you do next?”

“Why do you always assume I did something?”

You send her a Look, one that tells her that you know her well enough to know she definitely did something. The camera does a good job of conveying your intentions because she sighs, and you throw your head back in laughter as she reluctantly jumps into an explanation.

“...So obviously, I have to–”

“I’m done!” You yell out, not caring that you’ve interrupted Yerim mid-explanation. She leans closer to the camera for a better look at the product of 3 hours of hard work, her face completely covering your screen. You pick up the laptop, angling it so that she can take a better look at it.

“Woah, Y/nnie! That looks pretty good!” If the camera is facing you again, maybe she can see how your shoulders have risen higher than Mount Everest. “That’s better than anything I’ve ever built.”

You both cringe, remembering the time Yerim tried to fix a new chair. She ended up fixing it upside down (how?!), resorting to calling you at 2am, crying for you to come over and fix it. Safe to say, she’s never touched another assembling project again.

Her lips jut out into a pout towards you when you place your laptop back on the coffee table. “How are so good with tools anyway?”

You just shrug your shoulders. “Maybe I’m just a strong, independent young woman who doesn’t need no man.”

“Yeah right, no man,” Yerim scoffs, making little quotations out of her perfectly manicured fingers. 

You throw her a questioning look as you get to clearing your surroundings while Yerim continues her story. Loose screws here, cardboard boxes strewn there– you’ve certainly created a mess in the living room, sitting right in the eye of the hurricane of it all. 

The front door swings open, signalling Seungcheol’s arrival. Your boyfriend walks in, takeout in hand as he smoothly removes his shoes and coat by the entrance.

“I’m home~”

“In here!” You holler back.

Shuffling towards your voice, he walks into the mess that is currently in your living room. His little figure appears in frame, prompting Yerim to wave at him.

“Hey, Seungcheol!”

“Yeri! Long time no see!” He places his stuff on the table and stoops to kiss the top of your head. “Hi, baby! Whatchu up to?”

“Cheollie~” You melt into his touch, leaning back against his legs. Your head tilts up as you bat your pretty lashes at him, arms spread out to highlight the new dresser. “Look what I did today!”

“You fixed it yourself?” You nod. He eyes the dresser, hand on his chin as he seemingly inspects it from all angles before giving a nod of approval. “Couldn’t have done it better myself!”

You grin at his compliment. Just as quickly, though, your lips curve into a frown.

“It’s a little too heavy though; I can’t carry it into the bedroom.”

“I can do that, baby. You’ve already done all the hard parts.” He pushes his t-shirt sleeves up, patting his arm as he flexes the muscles there. “I’ll do all the heavy lifting, okay?”

“Okay!” He makes a show of lifting the dresser, puffing his chest a little and letting his muscles ripple as he settles on a comfortable grip. “Bedroom right?” You hum in confirmation, and then he’s off to transport the piece of furniture to its rightful place.

On-screen, Yerim’s jaw dropped. She had literally just watched you single-handedly manhandle the dresser to its side and back up again, fully completed, mind you, just to place anti-slip stickers on its legs. Too heavy? Too heavy?!

“Don’t need no man, my ass,” she mutters loud enough for you to hear.

Your head whips towards her direction. “What was that?” Ugh, even your voice has turned sickeningly sweet at the sight of your boyfriend.

“Nothing~”

“Baby! Where do you want this?” Seungcheol’s voice rings out from down the hall. Yerim takes it as her cue to end the video call. 

“I’m gonna go now. Brunch on Sunday?”

“Brunch on Sunday,” You affirm. Yerim shoots you a thumbs-up before ending the call without so much as a goodbye. Strong independent young woman who doesn’t need to man, she scoffs. Yeah, right.

[boorines]

as sweet as peaches | jeon wonwoo

wonwoo sits cross-legged on the floor, ikea manual laying open on his lap. the half built coffee table sits upside down in front of him, loose screws and nails scattered around the piece of furniture.

“did you find the piece that goes in this corner?”, you ask in confusion from your spot on the floor opposite wonwoo, one hand holding what you think is one of the legs of the table. “is it this one?”

your boyfriend looks up at you and breathes out an amused laugh, cheeks puffing up. “that’s the spare piece, gorgeous”.

you look at him, cocking an eyebrow, “you sure, wonu? because the last time you said something was a spare”, you point at the singular leg attached to the table, “that fell off”.

he grins sheepishly, “well… uh, maybe it could come in handy”. you shoot him a fond smile.

you both work on the piece of furniture for a while, sneaking glances at each other and giggling at lame jokes, before you stand up and wordlessly walk over to the kitchen. wonwoo follows your movement with his eyes, pushing his glasses up his nose as he does so.

you disappear behind the kitchen counter before re-emerging with a plate of sliced peaches and tangerines. setting it on the floor beside wonwoo you mumble, “odd combination, but it’s all i could find”. you peer at him and the softness you see in his eyes makes heat crawl up your neck.

“i love you”, he whispers.

“because of peaches?”, you ask shyly, taking a seat beside him.

“nope”, he breathes out, “peaches are just a bonus”. he picks up a fuzzy slice and holds it up to your lips. you accept the bite gratefully.

“the tangerines, then”, you mumble around a mouthful of fruit.

wonwoo laughs, it’s a very pretty sound, you think. low and deep, yet airy and relaxed. your giggles join his, the room filling with innocent laughter.

the two of you continue to tinker with the coffee table, occasionally nibbling on pieces of fruit. with the build almost complete, you lean back on the heels of your palms, surveying your work.

“not bad for two amateurs”, you declare with a grin. “i think we could build all of ikea if we wanted to”.

wonwoo chuckles, “we’ll have many days of building furniture in our future”. you look at him in question. “dressers, bookshelves, cribs”, he elaborates.

your eyes widen and you feel your cheeks burn fiery red. cribs… baby cribs? did you hear him wrong? did he say it on purpose?

he turns to you, eyes dancing and cheeks slightly pink. oh. definitely on purpose.

you look at him, lips parted ever-so-slightly.

“one day, i mean… if you want to”. he whispers.

you don’t have a response. you’re breathless and giddy and so in love.

leaning forward, you press your lips against wonwoo’s. soft and careful. he hums in contentment against your mouth, kissing you back with fervour.

his hand trails up your arm to your cheek, cupping your face like you’re as delicate as fine china. his other hand snakes around your waist, resting against the small of your back. he kisses you slowly, and when he feels you smile against his lips he melts. to him, this is bliss.

you pull away, breathless and heart racing. and suddenly, you’re 16 again. too shy to meet wonwoo’s eyes, a soft blush colouring your cheeks when he squeezes your hand with a hum.

“baby?”, he peers at you, trying to catch your attention.

when you finally look up at him, he’s dazzled by the stars in your eyes. the very same ones he thinks you hung up in the sky.

“you’re too much”, you mumble, just above a whisper. the chuckle it coaxes out of him drives the feeling deeper.

he drops a quick kiss to your cheek, his eyes dripping honey.

you point to the unfinished coffee table in front of you with furrowed brows, “we’ve been neglecting our magnum opus”.

his bright laughter booms throughout the room. “i don’t think an ikea coffee table is our magnum opus, baby”. he thinks he knows what will be, but he doesn’t say it. he’s hinted at it enough today. instead, he picks up a handful of screws and the last remaining leg of the table.

you take up a purely supportive role. handing him missing screws or nails you see him hunting for. you lean against the couch behind you, silently watching your boyfriend finish the rest of the build. you admire the way his hands move deftly to hammer in nails, the way he pushes the sleeves of his sweater further up his arms, the way he adjusts his glasses on his nose when they start to slip.

you’re happy, you think. just silently being in his company.

“finished”, he declares, pushing himself off the floor and offering you a hand to pull you to your feet. you stand beside him and look down at your work.

“not bad, jeon wonwoo”, you praise.

“not bad yourself”, he responds with a squeeze of your hand. he smiles fondly when he feels you squeeze back.

he looks at you, eyes warm, and drops a chaste kiss to you lips.

warmth floods your body. he’s just so sweet, you think.

“you taste like peaches”, he mumbles.

he’s as sweet as peaches.

—

ahh wonwoo…

writing this was really fun!! sweet wonu thinking about how urs and his masterpiece will be ur baby…omg

i hope u enjoy this one! as always, my requests and asks are open <3

[lovelytsunoda]

i saw mommy kissing santa claus // alex albon

summary: alex has to keep up the illusion that santa claus is real, and every year gets more extreme than the last. he's got footprints to put on the living room floor and cookies to eat and stocking to fill . . . and at this rate, he's going to wake up the whole house.

pairing: alex albon x wife! reader

warnings: set in the future, so alex is about 30, children ( their names are gabriel and isabella ), gabriel sees his mommy kissing santa claus (who's really just alex in a festive hat), honestly it's just fluff guys (aside from one joke about having george shove alex off a cliff if she left him to go out with santa claus)

it was the night before christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even alex albon's five cats. his wife was asleep in their bed upstairs, and the kids were down for the count, wrapped in layers of blankets as alexander tiptoes down to the living room, where the christmas tree was set up in the bay window.

he turned on the tree lights, slipping a santa hat over his dark heair and opening the walk-in closet to find the large canvas bag that he and his wife had filled with christmas presents.

above the fireplace hung four stockings. stockings that his wife had painstakingly bedazzeld for each member of the family: alex, y/n, gabriel and isabella.

he rubbed his palms together, looking at the pilsbury cookies on the coffee table.

he had some work to do.

meanwhile, y/n albon was stirring in bed, panic setting in as she groggily opened her eyes, finding her husband's side of the bed empty.

"alex?" she mumbled, slowly sitting up. a zit on her back had popped during the night, a small spattering of blood hardening on the back of her cotton nightdress.

she heard a crash coming from the basement, and she sprung out of the bed, her mama bear instincts kicking in and telling her to go and check on the kids.

first she checked on isabella, her youngest. she three-year-old had just migrated form crib to toddler bed, the small piece of ikea furniture made from stunning white wrought iron. the little girl was peacefully asleep, nestled under her snoopy blanket with a build a bear in her arms, three large stuffed animals watching over her from the foot of the bed.

she backed out of the room, closing the door before she moved further down the hall, past the sim room, to the white door decorated in glow-in-the-dark stars. gabriel was curled up in his twin bed, his head barely poking out from over his Spider-Man duvet, a stuffed reindeer clutches in his arms. a karting trophy sat on his dresser, next to a picture of him and his dad when he won his first race.

satisfied that both her kids were still soundly asleep, she set out to find her husband.

“alex?” she called out, pulling her bathrobe tight around her body as she made her way to the main floor. “alexander, what the hell are you doing?”

alex knelt in front of the couch, shaking flour over a card stock cutout of a boot print. “baby? what are you doing awake?”

“honey, you knocked the lamp over.” she chuckled, picking the ikea lamp up off the floor and setting back in the side table. “what are you doing?”

“setting the scene for Santa’s visit, obviously.” Alex chirped, yanking away the card stock. “see, snowy footprints!”

y/n laughed, fingertips against her temple. “you know that once isabella sees those presents she’s going to run right through all of the work you just put in to those footprints.”

“it’s all about the fun, love” one of the cats mewled, nuzzling against alex’s thigh as he leaned towards the coffee table, holding up the square plate. “cookie?”

"darling, it's four in the morning." she laughed, picking up a reindeer cookie from the plate. "you know that you'll eventually have to tell the kids that santa claus isn't real, right?"

"or i could let them figure it out for themselves." alex reasoned, getting to his feet and pulling his wife close. "isabella is smart, she'll figure it out before her brother does. she takes after you."

"and gabriel takes after his father. some days, it's like having three children in this house."

"hey!" alex feigned hurt. "give me a hand putting the presents under the tree? i've got springsteen."

she laughed, kissing him softly. "if you put the springsteen on, you're going to wake the kids."

"not if we use my airpods." he winked, tossing her the bluetooth case.

she let the airpods connect, putting one in her right ear before passing the case back to alexander. bruce springsteen's 'merry christmas baby' began to play as they started to empty out the canvas sack, stacking the beautifully wrapped presents underneath the white christmas tree. alex was dancing, shuffling around on the hardwood in his socks and messing up a few of the flour footprints, causing his wife to laugh.

"alex, you're going to wake the kids." she reminded, giggling as she reached for his hands, allowing him to pull her in for a dance.

she rested her head against his chest, allowing her husband to sway side to side with her, placing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"i'm so glad i met you. i love you, and i love our kids, and i love the life that i have created with you." alex whispered, still holding her close.

"i love you too." she hummed, leaning up to kiss him softly.

"mommy!"

alex and y/n startled, jumping and slipping apart, turning to face the stairs. gabriel stood in the middle of the staircase, white as a sheet as he clutched his stuffed reindeer.

"gabriel, honey, what are you doing awake?" y/n cooed, concerned as she walked over to her son.

"mommy, why were you kissing santa claus?"

she shot a glance at alex before taking her son's hand, walking up the stairs with gabriel as she tried to calm him down.

"sweetie, that wasn't santa claus. that was just your dad, he was tidying the living room for when santa comes to visit. we don't want santa claus tripping on any cat toys, do we?"

after she tucked gabriel back into bed, with his dinosaur nightlight switched on, she left the door open slightly, holding her robe tightly around her body as she watched him fall asleep through the crack in the door.

"who taught him that santa claus was a thirty year old thai man?" alex scoffed. "has he learned nothing from his aunties? do i look like i could eat eight billion plates of cookies in one night?"

y/n laughed, allowing her husband to hug her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. "didn't your brother try and teach him that santa claus was an alien?"

"yeah, he did, didn't he." alex chuckled. "what did you tell him?"

"that you were just moving gucci's cat toys out of the way so that santa wouldn't trip. he thought i was cheating on you with saint nick."

"baby, if you left me for an aging, overweight white man and went to go live in the arctic and bake cookies all day, i'd have george shove me off a cliff."

she tilted her head up to face alex, thumb rubbing circles over his knuckles. "we're doing a damn good job with these kids, aren't we?"

"yeah babe, we are. but soon they'll grow up, and then we'll be grandparents-"

"stop talking. you're going to make me feel old!"

TAGS:

@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @lorarri @cartierre @httpiastri @sidcrosbyspuck @oconso @thatsdemko @twinkodium

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

Hi! For the kink thing you're doing - could we please please get a Billy Russo competency + overstim kink (or competency and praise, whichever pairing you prefer). In my mind the reader gets *ideas* when Billy is building something (bc those damn IKEA dressers are difficult) or maybe she goes to Anvil one day and sees him doing like training with recruits or something? Anyway, sorry for the ramble and thank you in advance!

I am!

Masterlist

In the Sniper's Nest

Contains: Consent and kink negotiation, hand kink (you get an extra one), competency kink, fingering, overestimation, P in V, fluff.

1.5K words

You check out the new instalment at Anvil, a sniper's nest that Billy seems to love.

Despite his ear protection, he still heard you ascending the steps of the sniper's nest. It was Anvil's newest toy, the tall structure standing out above the skyline of the flat warehouse. He pulled aside his ear muff and pulled the earplug free, pushing himself up from his position lying on the table in the middle of the room to rush over to greet you. "Hi."

You tapped your own ear muff with a smile. "What?"

He pulled them off your head and placed them around your neck as you yanked the earplugs out. "These are a good look for you."

You chuckled. "Yes, that gun is very loud."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss you, his hand soft on your cheek as you leaned against him. He pulled away, brushing your hair from your face as he looked down at you lovingly. "Now what are you doing here?"

You sighed. "I missed you, you've been busy and we've been missing our lunch dates." You furrowed your brow. "Why are you in your suit?" Normally during training, he wore his grey fatigues.

He sighed. "I just got done showing our client our new space. They were very impressed."

You took the chance to look around the small room. It was set up like an embedded sniper outpost, the walls covered in large charts about wind speed and bullet type, even though it was furnished like a dining room in a dilapidated apartment. The only things that really stood out were the new couch in one corner and the shelves of binoculars and PEE along one wall. "It looks even better than the photos." It really felt like you were in enemy territory.

He took your hand and led you to the table, gesturing to his rifle with a smile. "You wanna watch?"

You nodded, and he walked around the table to the shelves, picking up a pair of safety glasses and a set of binoculars. He placed the binoculars on the table and pulled you close, sliding the safety glasses over your face before booping your nose as you held back your giggles. "You're being silly, Billy."

He bent his head and kissed you again before helping you climb onto the table and settling next to you. His shoulder was back bracing the riffle as you looked through the lens, and the shot shook the room while smoke billowed from the barrel. You didn't see anything until he tapped your shoulder and pointed to one of the trees at the very edge of the property. Another look clarified what he was shooting at as another shot rang out, and a left was blown clear of its branch.

It happened like that each time, the green leaves disappearing in a puff as the boom of the gun jerked the table until he ran out of bullets. When he finally placed the weapon on the ground, you still found yourself unable to look away from the sight, he hadn't missed a shot the whole time. He ran his hand all the way up your back, finally breaking your attention away from the tree. You removed everything from your head and turned backwards to face them. "That was very impressive."

He was smiling, his ego clearly boosted by the look of amazement on your face. "I gotta go back to the armoury and clean my rifle. You wanna come?"

You nodded. "Of course I do."

The trip was short, only down the stairs and through a door before you were standing in an expansive space loaded with guns. He made his way to the large table with you following close behind and began to dissemble the weapon, taking it apart piece by piece before cleaning each part with care, his face a mask of concentration as the burnt gun powdered turned into shiny metal.

"You see something you like?" He looked so smug.

You most definitely did, each movement of his slender fingers was precise and controlled more like a dance than a tedious process he could do with his eyes closed and one hand tied behind his back. "Yes, many things, would you like me to list them?"

If you thought he was smug before, that was nothing compared to how he was now. "Nah, I think I have a pretty good idea."

The gun was put away in his personal spot, and he washed his hands in the slop skin as you watched on, swaggering up to you and lifting you onto the table when he was done. "You need something from be gorgeous girl?"

You nodded. "Many things."

He settled between your spread legs, his fingertips playing with the hem of your jeans as he gazed into your eyes. "Are my fingers one of them?"

It was hard to concentrate on anything when he was touching you, but you knew if you didn't answer, nothing would happen. "Yes, I would like that very much."

He smirked and popped open your jeans, slowly undoing the zip if only to toy with you before his fingers met your core. "You got something you need to tell me about, because there's no way my poor landscaping and the smell of gun oil has got you this wet."

He wasn't pulling any punches, there was no tease or slow build, he was doing exactly what he needed to bring you right to the edge before your brain could catch up. "You're very good at things…" You took a deep breath to gather yourself as heat spread out from where his fingers were on you. "And I like that you're good at things."

The feeling of his fingers leaving your skin shocked you into action and you tugged at his clothes while he tugged at yours, and before long, you were both naked with your clothes in little piles around you. "You know what else I'm good at?"

You knew exactly what answer he was looking for by the way his thumb was rubbing at the inside of your thigh. "Yes, yes I do."

He smiled and returned to touching you with the same insistence as before. It didn't take long for the pressure to build in your core, and he knew it. His beard scratched your skin as his lips worried at your neck, and he smiled into your skin as you clenched around nothing. He didn't stop there, his long fingers filling you before the aftershocks could fade.

Everything was so steady and practised, the fingertips on your G-spot, his lips on yours, each move intentional and purposeful until you were once again cresting the hill into bliss. He was unrelenting, pushing and pushing and pushing until one orgasm faded into another and space reduced to just the two of you in the empty Anvil warehouse.

"Please, Billy, I can't take it anymore." That was only half a lie, you could have told him no if you needed to.

He chuckled warmly, pulling his hand away and sucking his fingers into his mouth with a groan before speaking. "So you don't want me inside you?"

His tone held just a hint of mischief, and you nipped his shoulder as he chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes."

You nodded. "Yes please."

His forehead fell against yours as he slid inside you, taking a careful pace as you leaned your weight into him. He wrapped his arms around your body, controlling the pace as you wove one hand into his hair and held the table with the other. As his speed picked up, he pulled back to watch your blissed out face, grunting like an animal with every thrust as he took in the sight of your screwed tight eyes and heaving chest. "Billy..I."

He kissed you softly, whispering against your lips as his fingers made their way to your clit. "I know, gorgeous, I can feel it. How about you be a good girl and cum for me again."

You were powerless to resist his request, not when he said it so sweetly and as you were swept into the undertow of it, his teeth sunk into your lower lip as he followed you.

You stayed together for a breath before he finally stepped back, smirking as you twitched. "Sorry."

You huffed. "No you're not."

He kissed the corner of your mouth with a smile. "You're right about that."

He reached down for your clothes, dressing you piece by piece before dressing himself. Your eyes went wide, and he paused, looking at you intently as if he could decipher your worry. "Umm, is Jerry watching the cameras?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "I made sure they were turned off when we walked in here."

You fained offence and shoved his shoulder playfully. "You ass, you planned this from the start."

He nodded and kissed you again. "Yep. You can't be mad, you love me."

You sighed. "I do but I'm expecting you to make it up to me, I can't have you scheming all the time."

The look of lust on his face told you what he was thinking. "Oh, don't worry, I will."

Fin

@thegirlwhowritesfics

[diorsluv]

casual , part 3

“ i’ve heard so many rumors ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by mackie.samo, jackhughes, and 259,226 others

yourusername post workout glow 🙈

view all comments

vivianliu mommy

→ yourusername whaaaaaat ⁉️⁉️⁉️

→ _quinnhughes …

→ rutgermcgroarty 📸📸

→ edwards.73 wtf

→ jackhughes no absolutely not

→ luca.fantilli HUH

→ dylanduke25 WHAT

→ vivianliu stop acting like i’ve never said ts before 🙄

edwards.73 you’re really fucking hot

liked by yourusername

→ lhughes_06 FUCK NO

→ jackhughes STEP THE FUCK BACK

→ _quinnhughes hey man what the FUCK

→ vivianliu GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY GIRL

username14 ETHANS COMMENT?????!?!?!?!?!?!

markestapa pretty girl 🫣

→ yourusername that’s so unnatural stop

→ markestapa just doing what the homies do

→ lhughes_06 did the lack of my presence fuck with your heads because i explicitly told everyone to NOT mess w my sister.

→ markestapa suck it up lil bro

mackie.samo GODDAMN

→ yourusername LMFAOOOO

→ jackhughes back the hell up dude

→ _quinnhughes this is a literal fever dream

username54 rumors aint rumors anymore

username38 ethan’s practically screaming their relationship status to the world rn

colecaufield i’m not a part of this in any way but you genuinely look really good rosie

→ yourusername awwww thank you ☺️

→ jackhughes if you ever fucked around with my sister i would punch you in the face

→ colecaufield I HAVENT AND I WONT I SWEAR

→ jackhughes YEAH U BETTER NOT CUZ IM READY 🤺

sidneycrosby_87_ looking great kiddo!

→ yourusername oh my god sidney crosby.

→ lhughes_06 OH MY GOD SIDNEY CROSBY???

→ jackhughes this isn’t fair

→ vivianliu HI SIDNEY

rutgermcgroarty 🥴

→ yourusername 🤭

→ lhughes_06 i can’t tell if you’re flirting because you’re best friends or if you’re flirting to fuck

→ rutgermcgroarty whaaaaa i would never do such a thing and you know that luke (my door is open yourusername)

→ yourusername we’re flirting AS A JOKE because you’re gone now and you can’t dictate shit anymore 🙄 lhughes_06

username45 LMFAO did ethan ask everyone to say shit to cover his comment

mackie.samo i see you’re working out without me now 🤨

→ yourusername YOU LEFT ME. what was i supposed to do 😔😔

→ mackie.samo YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON

→ yourusername IM HAPPIER NOW 🤬

→ markestapa what is this 😟

adamfantilli woha

→ adamfantilli owah

→ adamfantilli woah

→ yourusername are you malfunctioning

→ adamfantilli yes (i was told to)

jackhughes did you redecorate your room??

→ yourusername yes my man helped me redecorate 🥰

→ jackhughes YOUR MAN????

→ lhughes_06 WHO THE HELL

→ yourusername guys it was a joke..

→ lhughes_06 your life is a joke

→ yourusername ?!???!????!

_quinnhughes i know who it is.

→ yourusername no u dont

→ lhughes_06 TELL ME

→ jackhughes WHO IS IT

→ trevorzegras congrats to the only hughes brother with a brain 🥳

→ jackhughes HEY

→ lhughes_06 NOT COOL TREVOR

→ rutgermcgroarty the fact that it took you this long is concerning

→ markestapa okay she ACTUALLY told you rutgermcgroarty

→ dylanduke25 fr the rest of us had to find out DIFFERENTLY

→ edwards.73 you guys are kinda slow

username55 i know someones gonna come back for this post tn…

→ username97 LMFAOOO

→ username21 STOP DONT EXPOSE HIM LIKE THAT

username38 UR SO PRETTY

username30 GIRLLLL give us the workout routine please 😞🙏

username88 body goals hello????

trevorzegras ur bed was not in that corner last time i was there

→ yourusername i redecorated we already said so 🙄

→ jackhughes since when were you in my sister’s apartment??

→ trevorzegras i was in town for a game

→ jackhughes but detroit is 45 mins away????

→ trevorzegras WE WERE THERE FOR THREE DAYS

→ yourusername jack he was helping me set up my ikea dresser 😭😭

→ vivianliu i know someone’s absolutely LIVID

dylanduke25 WOW SO PRETTY

→ yourusername THANK U DUKER

→ dylanduke25 YOU’RE WELCOME

username96 help i audibly screamed when i saw this post

yourusername

liked by markestapa, _alexturcotte, and 153,256 others

yourusername some of the guys invaded girls night at 12 in the morning and then literally kicked us out of my own room ⁉️⁉️

tagged: vivianliu, markestapa, g.brindley4, rutgermcgroarty, dylanduke25, luca.fantilli

view all comments

edwards.73 why was i not invited

→ yourusername u didn’t come idk i thought u were busy like always

→ edwards.73 but you know i would never be too busy for you

→ yourusername lmao doesnt really seem like it tho

vivianliu and they burnt our fucking cookies

→ yourusername FR almost burnt the apartment down 🙄

→ dylanduke25 THAT WASN’T EVEN US

→ vivianliu U KNOW DAMN WELL THAT WAS U AND RUT

→ rutgermcgroarty WHY ARE U BLAMING ME???

g.brindley4 oh my god i’m on the main

→ yourusername YOU’RE ON THE MAIN ‼️

username38 mark wearing sunglasses in a dark ass room 😭

dylanduke25 rut’s ass was in my face and i swear he fucking ripped ass like three times

→ yourusername HELLO WHAT??? I DONT REMEMBER THIS

→ rutgermcgroarty I LITERALLY DIDNT THO??

→ luca.fantilli i could smell that shit from the other room

→ g.brindley4 the absolute STENCH

username32 luca could not have been comfortable sleeping in that position 😭

→ username80 men are weird

username67 AHHH PINK COOKIES

luca.fantilli cuddling with the homies 🥴🥴

→ yourusername oh my god

→ markestapa 😘

→ dylanduke25 im blushing ☺️☺️

→ g.brindley4 best couple!

→ rutgermcgroarty 😝

→ vivianliu you’re all so weird

trevorzegras marky lookin kinda cute tn 🫣

→ yourusername STOP

→ markestapa yes i’ll go out with you!

mackie.samo um. i facetimed him and hes kicking, screaming and crying?!?!?

→ yourusername oops

→ mackie.samo yeah what a big fucking oops 🙄

→ vivianliu HES THE TOXIC ONE

username77 getting kicked out of your own room is crazy

username48 ethan’s definitely punching the air rn

_alexturcotte what happened to the boyfriend

→ yourusername technically he’s not my boyfriend cuz he doesn’t like labels!

→ colecaufield 😭😭

→ yourusername HIS WORDS NOT MINE

→ trevorzegras imagine what’ll happen when your brothers find out 😂

→ yourusername 1. for the love of god stop using that emoji and 2. they wont find out!

→ _quinnhughes i found out

→ yourusername besides you 😒😒

username79 ethan’s definitely regretting not putting a label on them

username92 do luke and jack never check the comments 😭😭

→ vivianliu they did but rosie gaslighted them into believing it’s not ethan and they barely pay attention to what the others say anyways

→ username60 LMAOOO

lhughes_06 WE NEVER HAD SLEEPOVERS WHEN I WAS THERE WHAT??

→ yourusername i’m the better sibling

→ vivianliu correct

→ rutgermcgroarty correct

→ edwards.73 correct

→ colecaufield correct

→ adamfantilli correct

→ trevorzegras correct

→ _alexturcotte correct

→ markestapa correct

→ luca.fantilli correct

→ mackie.samo correct

→ dylanduke25 correct

→ _quinnhughes not correct????

→ jackhughes INCORRECT TF

edwards.73 I CAN’T GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN’T INVITE ME

→ yourusername IM SORRY I GEN THOUGHT U WERE JUST BUSY AGAIN

→ markestapa there’s no way you’re still on this

→ edwards.73 inv me next time 😔

next chapter notes ) happy april fools dayyy!! hope yall got some good pranks in 😈😈 and guys HE DOESN’T DO LABELS 😓

tags: @dancerbailey3 @hughesfein @loveforaugust @alwaysclassyeagle @love4ldr @inhoodmood

[unnonexistence]

friendship ended with phillips-head screw. now robertson-head screw is my best friend.

really fun to be able to put "drill holes in wall" on your to do list sincerely

[rileyslibrary]

I imagine that Ghost is pretty crafty and as we know already from other stories, he is always eager to help. What if reader asks him for help to assemble some piece of IKEA furniture? Something big like a closet or even a kitchen, the stuff you can't really build on your own (or it's much easier with help at least).

I don't know how much experience you have with this stuff, but oh my god... The amount of time I already spend during my life sorting these bags of screws, losing my marbles over the instructions, getting into arguments with my partner because I wasn't holding something properly for his liking, the giant pieces of cardboard packaging I had to fold and cram into the dumpster... And then ordering pizza afterwards and being proud of what we did and admiring this stupid new dresser we got like it's some piece of art. Oh memories... :)

Indeed, he’s eager to help, but if you’re the stubborn I-need-help-but-let-me-try-by-myself-first type, I feel he would just sit there and watch you make a mess. You probably didn’t revisit the instructions either, did you? What’s that? You read them once, and that’s enough? Tsk tsk tsk.

Well, he holds the manual, just in case. And he reads it, and it takes so much effort from him not to snatch that L tool thingy they give you with the unassembled furniture and start doing it himself. You called him for the heavy stuff anyway, so he should probably wait until you ask for help.

But you don’t, and, as expected, you start projecting your anger towards him.

“You’re not helping.”

“What do you want me to do?” he asks. “Just say it.”

You look at the instructions in his hand. “What does it say?” you mumble and nod at the booklet.

“It says that you’re doing it wrong,” he replies.

You give him that look that you’re about to lash out at any minute, and he changes tactics without being fazed at all by your attitude. He just wants the job done and you to be happy. And pizza afterwards, of course.

He starts walking around your mess, pointing at pieces of furniture and screws, instructing you while reading the booklet.

“Take this,” he orders while holding a piece of wood and stabilising it with his knee, “Put the screw in here.” and points at the hole.

You do as you’re told. The fact that you’re now seeing progress is enough to shut you up.

After you finish your project, you feel triumphant and need some pizza. He’s hungry, too, but something still bothers him. He doesn’t show it and asks if you can order while he cleans up the cardboard boxes you used to lay the pieces onto.

You go to the other room and call your local pizzeria. He, in return, takes the tools and secretly goes through every screw you’ve placed, tightening them so that it doesn’t fall on you.

[endlessthxxghts]

Back to navigation

Joel Miller

Frankie Morales

Javier Peña

-> Bend Over You buy yourself a new dresser at IKEA...

Din Djarin

-> Solace You help Din release his frustrations after he comes back from a weeklong hunt.

All dividers made by me

[deedee-sims]

Anes Endtable Small

I already have an Anes endtable (I think from Michelle), but I wanted a smaller one, so this happened! It's repo'd to the Anes Dresser, so the IKEA SP is required! :)

Download - Alternate