#and Wang crossing them one after one

[alphabetboyluvr]

habits of a clandestine nature | jjk

pairing: collegejk x female oc (angst, smut)

warnings: college!jk, rich!jk, he's a college nepo baby!!!, waitress!oc, flashbacks to summer, (mild) enemies to lovers, oc lives with tae (they're besties), jk is besties with jimin, mentions of parents infidelity, mentions of oc's virginity (lost prior to the story starting), a little angsty, jk is nawt a fuckboi, but he is stewpid, unprotected sex, bathroom escapades, multiple positions, oral (f), mentions of blowjobs, house parties, jackson wang!!!!!!!, yoongi has no lines but is also one of my fave characters lmao

wordcount: 16k

note from holly: this was written as a commission over on ko-fi!! it went through soooo many changes and edits - at one point it was over 24k lmao. i have so much lore and backstory for this couple, but I'll save it for a rainy day!! one of the main prompts was the 2004 classic a cinderella story, and there are little nods to it throughout the story, including the diner name!! a commenter on wattpad said the pairing reminded them of danny and sandy from grease and like... i see it lmao. anywaysss enjoy!! <33

minors dni // cross posted to wattpad

It's a well-trained habit, your fleeting glance towards the door of Montgomery's Diner when the bell rings.

Though the clatter of cheap porcelain being stacked on a tray almost manages to drown out the chiming metal, it's never quite enough. Softening your hardened expression, you continue on with your work, careful to not let your contempt show too much.

You already know who it is—or at least, who it could be. Only saw the girl leading the pack, but know that where Claudia goes, the rest of The Untouchables will surely follow.

Gorgeous in a way that money can't buy, and careless in a way that money makes up for, she's never taken personal issue with you. Barely even registers your existence.

From your quick look, you know that it's not just the girls today. It's the guys, too.

All with parents on the college board, they're regarded as campus royalty. Are aptly known as The Untouchables, 'cause the rules that apply to you don't apply to them. They'll likely continue with their lives in a similar manner for years to come, and will pass these attributes off to their offspring, whom they'll name after countries or distant relatives who were once regarded to be regal.

Gathering up the last of the discarded napkins on the table, you take one final, fleeting look just to see if a familiar face is with them.

It's not that you actively want to see him.

You just haven't seen him in the best part of a fortnight, which is odd.

He's been in your section of the Diner near enough every single night of the past three months—but school is starting up again, and he's got appearances to keep.

God-forbid Jeon Jungkook—son of the Admissions Director and heir-apparent to an unholy amount of real estate tied to the university—ever associates with the lowly scholarship kids like you.

The only reason The Untouchables ever come to this Diner is because it's the last remaining place close to the university that hasn't been snapped up and integrated into the campus. You guess it must feel like freedom to them, in a way.

In fact, you know this is the case. Jungkook has told you himself.

Has told you a lot.

Told you far too much.

Such candid honesty from him, shared during the lonely heat of a sweltering summer, is what makes it so jarring when he looks away as soon as his dark eyes meet yours.

Tall, broad, handsome; he's everything the gossip magazines you read during your downtime swoon over, but also everything they warn against. Too pretty for his own good, the resident agony aunt would call him if she were ever to see him. Would assume his ego is far larger than his shoe size; superiority complex embedded into his skin like the ink of his tattoos.

And while you think that perhaps those assumptions could be true, you also know the reality of him; how gentle his hands can be. Helpful, too. Delicate. Ornate, almost, when they fold bills into five petal flowers. Strong, when they grip the back of your neck. Commanding, when they're wrapped around his leather steering wheel.

You shouldn't know the way his car smells. Shouldn't know how he presses the heel of his palm against the wheel when he's reversing, or just how easy it is to clamber into the backseats over the centre console.

But you do, and it rests on your tongue like a dirty little secret desperate to escape: I know you.

You're not sure if you know him better than The Untouchables, but you know him independent of them. Not many people do.

It's rare to find him without Jimin cracking a joke by his side, or Claudia making a slightly mean remark masked as innocent ignorance as she leads him astray.

But summer happened, and so did Jungkook. With his friends away at their holiday homes, and his father's infidelity ripping his family apart at the seams, he'd needed something to stitch himself back together. Let you thread yourself through his very being, and once you'd tied yourself in a pretty little bow around his heart, he'd cut you off.

Is that not what all craftsmen do, though? Discard what no longer serves a purpose?

Memories of him, in all the places you never should have let him in, ravage your thoughts.

The scent of his aftershave lingers on the childhood plushie he used to tease you for having on your bed, but would also automatically hug into his chest every single time he entered your room.

The things he did—and the things he didn't do—corrupt your dreams and leave you restless when you wake.

The smudged mascara under your eyes hides the bags from your lack of sleep, and your only respite is that the little puffs beneath his eyes are extra prominent today. He's tried, too.

For a minute, you feel vindicated.

It doesn't last.

For the past few months, if he's been sleeping badly, you've known about it. Kept him company in this very Diner, or in the basement of a party house he was dumb enough to take you to, forgetting he'd have to return there after summer finished, too.

The walls might not talk, but Jackson Wang certainly does. Jungkook knows it's only a matter of time until his dirty little secrets—no matter how pure they actually are—become the talk of the town.

He always slept well in your bedroom, though.

Funny, that.

He's dressed simply, today: white t-shirt, black jeans, chunky black boots on his feet. It's still warm out, even if the sun does begin to set a little earlier than it had been during the hotter months. He's got no need for a jacket, and you despise how undeniably gorgeous his arms are in the dewy humidity. Tattoos trailing up and down his skin, you'd be forgiven for thinking he was a man of complexities.

Turns out he's just like every other good-for-nothing fuck boy who wasn't worth your time.

The Untouchables sit towards the front of the Diner. Your section is at the back, and there's no way in hell you're deviating from your set section. Not today. Not when he's with them.

"I thought we were free," your colleague, Maria, grumbles as you bring your tray to the counter.

Like you, she's a scholarship kid. Is the one who got you the job at the Diner after you both moved into the shared house you live in off-campus. Three of you live there—you, Maria, and Taehyung—and you all share the same disdain for The Untouchables.

"It never ends," you tease in reply. Glance over your shoulder, back at the table.

They're laughing and joking about something you can't quite decipher. All of them, except Jungkook.

There's a sternness to him. One of which you'd forgotten about. With one hand on the table, the other in his lap, his thumb fidgets over his tense knuckles. Sunglasses rest on the crown of his head, pushed up into his hair to hold it back off his face. Staring at nothing much, he's chewing up his bottom lip until he feels the familiar burn of your eyes on him. Looks your way.

It's curious, how looking at you halts his body from its self-soothing actions. He no longer nibbles on his lip. His tightly balled first eases.

"What do you think, Kookie?" Claudia drawls, drawing his attention back to the group. "You coming tonight?"

"Hm?" He questions, eyes pulling away from you. He begins to rub his thumb over his knuckles again. "Sorry, was just looking at the menu board. What are we talking about?"

"Party at the Conservatory," Jimin says from across the table. Though he's the one sitting beside Claudia, everyone knows Jungkook is the one that she's really interested in. Has been since their first day of college. "First of the semester. It's one of their birthdays. Reckon it'll be a big one."

On campus, but close enough to the boundaries that it's never infringed upon by security or university officials, the Conservatory isn't what it seems. A boarding house for the creme-de-la-creme of the Botany and Conservation PhD students, it's surrounded by land. Has rows upon rows of greenhouses for their projects.

Of the few times you've been there, you've always thought it was like a maze. The perfect place to get lost. The perfect place to get found, too.

Unfortunately for the PhD students, the house custodian took on the role for one thing and one thing only: to throw the biggest ragers on campus. Knows fuck all about growing anything that isn't illegal. Only managed to get the role, 'cause like the rest of The Untouchables, his dad works high up in the college. He's a few years older than them. Belongs to a different generation of campus royalty, but is keen on making sure his legacy remains.

After all, there ain't no party like a Jackson Wang party.

Namjoon—one of the Botanists and the birthday boy himself—has started padlocking the greenhouses.

Another one of them—Yoongi—minored in mechanical engineering. Has a coin-operated lock on his bathroom door. Makes enough money from a single Jackson Wang party to sustain himself for an entire month.

Hoseok and Jin, the remaining two, are just as messy as Jackson. Have only started PhDs because they don't know what else to do and don't want their youth to abruptly end. Live for the parties; survive for the studying.

"Now, who's told you that?" Jungkook smiles, as if the prospect of showing up at the Conservatory doesn't make him feel a little bit sick. "Jackson?"

"Obviously."

"Well, of course he's gonna tell you it'll be big," Jungkook laughs. "Wants to rope as many of you fuckers in as he can."

"And it works every time," Jimin smirks back. "If everyone thinks it'll be a rager, everyone will want to go. He's a marketing genius, if you ask me."

Jungkook rolls his eyes. Is fond in how he interacts with his friends. Has grown up with most of them. Whether or not they're everyones cup of tea is debatable, but they're his people.

And yet he finds himself glancing back over to the counter. You're not there anymore. Are out back, he assumes. Knows the layout, now. Where the walk-in freezer is. The little nook that you sit in during your break. He doubts any of his friends have ever been in a commercial kitchen, let alone one at a place like this.

While yes, his friends have only ever been good to him, he knows that it isn't the case for everyone they interact with. Is well aware that his friends would be confused beyond belief if they ever found out he knows how to click through the Diner's cash register and find the discount section. Would be even more perplexed if they were to see his initials hidden in one of the codes.

But summer was lonely.

Or at least it was.

Lonely, until it wasn't. Isolating, until he sought solace in someone he can't even bring himself to speak to in front of his friends.

Casting his eyes back down to the table, well aware that he's got no reason to feel as cut up as he does, he fakes a laugh. Looks up again at his friends with a grin so sincere that they'd never guess the way it feels like his heart is in his throat. "Alright. You're on. What time?"

The conversation dissolves into plans—what to wear, what drink to take.

After a summer apart, Jungkook thought it would be nice to be with his friends again. Thought he'd be excited; that he'd welcome them all back with open arms. Ask them about their summers, and lament his time spent here.

When Jimin asks him why he didn't go to the Italian villa his parents normally insist they spend the summer at, Jungkook shrugs.

"Dad has some stuff to sort out, so it was better to stay here," he says, minimising the reality of what really happened. Even you don't know for certain. All you know is that his father did something incredibly immoral, to the point where Jungkook can't even stand to look at him.

Is why he spent all those nights in the diner.

Was confusing at first. He was always angry. Always frowning. Always ordering black coffees and nothing else, huddled up in the corner booth, away from the world.

But with summer comes monsoons, and with monsoons come terrible conditions for walking home.

He expected you to say no when he offered you a ride. You expected to say no, too—but then a please and thank you had escaped your lips.

A routine grew. Habits formed.

Curious little thing, habits are. 21 days. That's all the time they take to develop.

Jungkook spent 63 days of summer with you in varying capacities. Enough time to learn a habit three times over.

The one that haunts him most is how it felt to have your hand beneath his on his gear stick. Finds the absence of you when he drives unbearable. Knows he's got no one to blame but himself; not just for creating distance, but also for minimising it in the first place.

He's the one who offered you a lift. He's the one who messaged you on your days off to see if you fancied going for a drive. He's the one who didn't turn the AC on just to get you shaking your jacket off your shoulders.

And he's the one that drove you out to the coast one evening for no other reason than wanting to hear the waves. He's the one who opened up to you about his family. He's the one that made things more than what they were.

Had walked along the shore with you, too scared to hold your hand beneath the lunar light. Opted for playful banter instead, nudging you into the lapping waves.

But the waves got bigger, and Jungkook's unbridled desire to have you close did just the same. Like always, he took things too far. Drenched in sea water, you'd laughed with him for the entire ride home.

Invited him in. Said, "The salt will ruin your clothes. We should wash them."

"Hand wash only," he'd said, pinging his damp t-shirt against his chest. It stuck to him in such a way you learned all of his edges before you ever saw him naked—not like there was much time between these two instances. Ended up in your shower with him, clothes beneath your feet, the excuse of hand washing disregarded the second he had you naked.

You learned three things about Jungkook in that shower.

The first is that he giggles. Lips on yours, hands clutching your jaw, whenever the water was a little too intrusive, he'd separate with a laugh. Would kiss you again, a smile still on his face. Would pretend as if he wasn't giggling.

But he was, and it was lovely.

The second was that he's the type to lean his head forward, not tip it back. With his hands pressed to the shower tiles behind you as your fingers wrapped around his thick shaft, he let his head dip to his chest. Gave him ample opportunity to press kisses to the top of your head—or at least it did until you got to your knees and started taking his hard cock in your mouth.

"Shit," he had husked. Whined. Praised. "Fuck. You're so fuckin' good at that."

It was around then that you became aware he was a head pusher, too.

Almost as if he was saving the best until last, the third thing you learned was how he likes to cum; in your sheets, cock buried in your pussy, your hands clasped above your head. Missionary, 'cause he likes to kiss you through it. In your bed, 'cause he likes losing himself in everything you are. Prefers finishing inside you, but you refuse to fuck him without a condom so he never gets exactly what he wants. It's close enough, though.

Spent weeks—months—laying unfair claim to your body, and now he can't bring himself to look in your direction. It infuriates you.

But more than anything else, it embarrasses you.

Even your reflection laughs at you. Cackles 'told you so' every time you look in the mirror.

You always wondered why you never heard much about Jungkook's hook ups around campus. Everyone knows about Jimin and how his cock has been perpetually wet since the first day of freshers week, but there's always been a secrecy when it comes to Jungkook.

It's something you've teased him about; in your sheets, bodies clammy, his heart beating so fast in his chest you'd been forgiven for thinking he'd just run a marathon.

"When do I have to sign it?" You had giggled.

"Sign what?" He'd husked, voice all wispy and fucked out.

"The NDA," you'd replied as if it was obvious. "It's been, like, what? A month? Surely it's about time you made sure I kept my mouth shut like all your other girls do?"

On your front, your arms were folded over his chest, and he was gently rearranging the pretty little updo he'd made a mess of. Though he was looking at his hands as he replied, you kept your eyes on his. Studied his sincerity.

"Reason you don't hear about other girls is 'cause there aren't any."

A smile twitched at the corner of your lips, but you didn't let it shine for him.

"Sure."

There was a small jerk to his torso as a breathy smirk formed on his face.

"You think I can't be trusted?"

"I think it's foolish to trust any man."

His deep, dark eyes sank down to focus on yours. Offered you all the sincerity you'd be searching for, and more.

"That's all I am, huh?" He'd challenged you. "Just another one of your men?"

"One of the many," you'd teased just to rile him up a little.

"Ah," he'd played along. "So that's why I always have to wear a condom?"

With a saccharine smirk on your lips, you'd gotten back in position, legs straddled over his hips. Had kissed him. Whispered, "No. That's just because I know it annoys you."

"You annoy me all the time," he'd mumbled into your lips, hands gripping your waist to get you grinding against his still sensitive cock. Barely fifteen minutes since he'd last finished, there was no way he was ready to go again.

"Hm?" You'd hummed against his kisses, then began to work your way down his neck in a way that always got him a little moany. "If I'm so annoying, why are you getting hard again, baby?"

"You can be annoying and hot," he told you as he desperately tried to not let his insatiable need for you show.

"Is that how you like your girls?" You'd ribbed once more, just to piss him off a little. It was never serious. Never something you would actually fret over.

Perhaps you should have done, but then he told you with a little too much candour, "No. It's how I like my girl. Singular."

Loose lips sink ships, and Jungkook was one iceberg away from greeting the ocean floor. Closing his lips back down on yours, he was making sure you were just as insatiable for him as he was for you. He didn't cum again that evening, even if you did more times than you cared to count.

A greedy lover, is Jeon Jungkook. Edacious.

And so you understand, now, why the girls he gets entangled with stay silent; how the hoaxes he plays leave them utterly hysterical. They're subject to silence, because who would possibly believe all those sweet little lies he tells? How mad would they be considered if they tried to convince anyone he has a heart?

His brazen lack of humanity is proven when he comes to pay for the table. Any of them could have done it. Yet he elects to stand in front of your till and wait for you to serve him.

Have you not served him enough?

You refuse to utter a single word in his direction. Don't look at him, don't give him any satisfaction. He can read it for himself, he can pay, and he can fuck off.

"Keep the change," he mumbles tossing down the bills—but like fuck are you gonna keep anything he gives you.

He begins to walk away, a little shrunken in his stature.

"Excuse me, sir."

Stopping dead in his tracks, Jungkook is perplexed to hear you address him so coldly.

"Your change," you say, holding a closed hand out for him to hold his own hand beneath. He doesn't want to cause a scene. Obliges. Is surprised when notes, not coins, fall into his palm.

More specifically, notes folded into the shape of flowers. His handiwork, he's certain. Was something he used to do in the early hours of your late night diner shifts. If he said something a little mean, or bickered with you a little too hard, he'd fold his notes up like posies and give them to you as a remedy.

Never used those notes to buy you real flowers, mind you.

Back when things were still easy, you pulled him up on it. Told him that you'd be far easier to seduce with a little wooing. He'd told you that you were easy to seduce regardless.

You didn't speak to him for the rest of your shift.

Ended it with fourteen folded bills in the shape of a bouquet, and when the backseat windows of his car had a thick veil of condensation coating them that same evening, he'd drawn you flowers on them.

"No point in flowers," he'd told you. "They just wither up and die."

Which is funny, 'cause it kinda looks like Jungkook is doing that very same thing right in this moment. He goes to speak, but nothing comes out.

Disappointing, you think, then realise of course he is. Has done nothing but disappoint you.

You smile. Jungkook looks like he wants to cry. Good.

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

21 repetitions. That's how many times it takes to form a habit. You know this.

You also know that 90 days of this repetition will form a habit to last a lifetime.

As you hook up your apron, and free your hair of the ribbon that had been tightly wrapped around your ponytail, you know these are 'lifetime' habits. Apron, then ponytail. Always.

But when you say goodbye to Maria, and ask if she'll be at home this evening, you find yourself leaning into a recently formed habit. It's not anything particularly noteworthy. Not something anyone would notice.

Well, not anyone who matters. You don't think Jungkook counts as someone who matters, anymore.

But he'd noticed; how you'd started glancing across to his parking spot whenever you clocked out. Had teased you for it. Asked you if it was the highlight of your day, seeing him there, as if it wasn't the highlight of his.

You should have known the playful banter when he told you not to get used to it wasn't really banter at all.

Yet here you are, glancing across to his parking spot only to see it empty.

It's not even like it's his spot. Whenever he's with his friends, they walk. Live right on campus, so don't need to drive, and if they do, they'll park right by the doors.

In the height of summer, when the lot was empty and Jungkook wasn't driving for his sake but for yours, he liked to park in the far corner. Said dumb shit about not wanting any weirdos scratching it. Whined and moaned whenever someone performed the very human act of parking next to the only other car in an empty parking lot.

"So many spaces!" He'd blather on. Would speak with his hands. Get deliberately more animated, 'cause it always made you laugh. "And they choose here?!"

The memories make you smile, until the yellow headlights of another car flood into the parking lot. They reveal what's right in front of you; a crowd of cars and not a single one of them you care for.

It's not like you cared for Jungkook, either. Was just something to pass the time when the streets were quiet and his head was loud. 

In turn, you gave him quiet, and he made your summer feel loud.

But the leaves are turning brown and the water in the roadside puddles is becoming stale. The seasons have changed and so has the nature of your interactions. It's fine. You don't care. Really. Couldn't think of anyone you'd want to hang around less. Would rather die than associate with The Untouchables.

You never needed a lift, not really. Especially not when it always took you an hour to get home 'cause Jungkook just wanted to keep on driving.

Grumbling to yourself just to try and divert your mind from thoughts of him, your heart almost skips a beat when your phone vibrates in your pocket. For a second, you wonder if it could be him.

Where you at? It could read. I'm here.

Or maybe, I miss you.

I can't sleep without you.

This is so stupid. Can I come over?

It won't say of those things and you damn well know it.

Your text thread is dormant. The last message is from you, two weeks prior.

You: you not coming in tonight?

You: you'll be pleased to know my fairy godmother turned a pumpkin into a carriage to make sure i got home safe x

You: ... at least let me know if ur alive?

Rolling your eyes at how mortifying your desperation feels, the scowl that settles into your expression is comical. It's like you're fighting with the wind that's threading itself through your hair.

Pulling your phone out, the scowl only intensifies.

Jackass Wang: party tonight

You: so????

One thing about Jackson is that he's not gonna leave anyone on read, especially when he's trying to drum up attendees for his parties.

Jackass Wang: so i haven't seen you around for a while, montgomery

"Fuckin' Montgomery," you mutter at the nickname.

It's the one that all of Jungkook's friends seem to refer to you as, as if you don't have a personality outside of your job.

Still, at least Jackson is a little bit inventive with it. Calls you Monts. Monty, Monstera Plant, Monte Carlo, and god knows what else. If it starts with 'Mon,' he's found a way to end it with a cheeky smirk and smug anticipatory look in your direction, as he awaits your reaction.

You: i like it better when i don't see you x

Jackass Wang: you know that isn't true. loverboy will be there. come with him. or don't. i don't care. you can bring your little friends with you.

You: they'd rather die :) x

Jackass Wang: y'know, you're replying an awful lot for a girl who's not interested ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You: you just can't take no for an answer

Jackass Wang: yes i can - but you haven't said no yet. c'mon. loverboy has been moping around all week. i can't be arsed with his mardy ass energy all evening.

You: so don't invite him???? i don't see why it's my problem?????

The fact that you don't need clarification of who Jackson means is proof enough that perhaps Jackson's onto something.

Jackass Wang: conservatory any time after 9. be there or be square montgomery. or don't be. i'm sure loverboy can get his dick wet without you, but it's easier for everyone if he doesn't.

You: charming x

Jackass Wang: it's why the ladies love me.

You: all of them except this one, apparently. have a nice party. stay away from the drugs.

Jackass Wang: can't be tamed, monte carlo. nor can loverboy. come keep him company.

The block button towards the top of your message thread looks incredibly tempting. Just a single click and you'll never have to deal with Jackson Wang and his dumb parties ever again.

Part of you can't believe you've ever been associated with them, as it is.

Summer defied the conventions of the life you've built for yourself. You weren't the person you thought you were.

Kicking off your shoes when you arrive home, the door slams shut behind you. A gentle voice calls through to check if it's you.

"Maria's still working," you say as you walk into the kitchen, tossing your bag down on the floor and your phone on the counter.

Taehyung, your best friend since your first week at college, is cooking himself dinner, but offers you a spoon of the tomato sauce he's making. Humming as you taste it, you're amazed by how he manages to make even the simplest thing delicious.

"S'good. What is that? Cumin?"

Nodding, he smiles. "A little paprika, too. You want some?"

His hair is dishevelled, blonde and sunkissed from the sweltering summer skies. He always looks great with a tan; radiant and full of youth.

Shaking your head, you really don't have an appetite. "Think I'm gonna have an early night."

He's about to reply when your phone buzzes. Both of you glance down. Your skin feels red hot, and when Taehyung almost chokes on the spoonful of sauce he's just tried, he's all sorts of confused.

"Why the fuck is Jackson Wang messaging you?"

"Hmm?" You hum as if you have no idea what he's talking about. Realise from the look on his face that he doesn't buy it for a second. "Oh! That Jackson Wang. Think he sent a text to his entire contact list. Something about a party."

"No," Taehyung asserts. "Absolutely not. You cannot bullshit out of this one."

"It's not bullshit," you whine as you pretend to look in the fridge for something to drink. Settle on a beer left by one of Taehyung's friends at a party held last semester. It wasn't quite a Jackson Wang level party, but nothing ever is. "He's just trying to drum up numbers for his stupid party tonight."

Taehyung is many things, but stupid he is not. Though he's blonde (thanks to a bottle of bleach and a few too many jack and cokes), he bends all the stereotypes. His tuition is covered by a scholarship for academic excellence.

"Don't give me that bull."

"It's not bull!"

"So you're telling me, out of everyone at our college, the Jackson Wang is texting you to make up numbers for his party?"

"Yes!" you exclaim, partially a little offended at it being such an unfathomable idea. "And he said you can come too, so maybe you're the one he's really after!"

His expression is flat. You are paper thin.

He's known you long enough to know when you're giving him half-truths.

He also knows you spent the summer alone in this house, and that there's a new toothbrush in the bathroom next to yours.

"You're hooking up with him, aren't you?"

"No!"

Out of everyone to be accused of sleeping with, Jackson Wang is, like, the worst of the worst. He's handsome, sure, but he's also slept with pretty much every girl on campus. Is a teenage boy in a grown adult's body. You'd rather not fornicate with a guy who still finds 'your mum' jokes funny.

Taehyung gasps at your immediate denial. "You are!"

"I'm not!"

"All that talk about saving it for someone special, and you mean to tell me you went and lost it to Jackson fuckin' Wang?!"

Everything about this conversation is making you want to punch yourself in the face. The topic of sex, and just why you've never gotten around to it, has dominated many conversations around this dining table. If you have to discuss it again, you might move out.

"Oh my God," you whine, throwing your head back. "We are not having this conversation."

"Yes, we are."

"No, we're not, because I didn't lose my virginity to Jackson Wang!" You stress. The more you think about it, the more offended you are.

"To Jackson Wang," Taehyung echoes, as he begins to join invisible dots. "But you did lose it to someone."

"No," you insist, but Taehyung refuses to buy it. Knows you too damn well.

He always thought he'd know when you lost it. That it'd be a boy you'd been dating. Committed to. Someone good. Someone worthy. Not someone you keep in the shadows.

"There's something you're not telling me," he frowns. "What the fuck happened this summer?"

With a sigh so deep it's a miracle you're still breathing, you relent. Never signed one of those NDA's you're convinced Jungkook must hand out like candy, as if he's some sort of celebrity and not just some college reprobate.

"Jungkook," you feebly admit. Take a sip on your beer. Don't look at Taheyung, 'cause you're afraid to see his reaction. "Wasn't Jackson. Was Jungkook."

You tell Taehyung everything. How Jungkook never knew you were a virgin. How he still doesn't. How you blame yourself for your hurt, but him for not getting you any band aids to help deal with it; for not kissing you better when he was the one to cause you such hurt in the first place.

As you recite you memories, you play a game against yourself: take a sip every time you want to cry.

By the time you've told Taehyung the nitty-gritty truth, the bottle of wine that had been in the fridge is finished, as well as your beer.

"I can't believe this," Taehyung says for what feels like the billionth time.

There's a certain shame that comes with Taehyung's confusion.

Embarrassment, like the way Jungkook would cringe at himself whenever he stumbled on his words, or the way you'd covered your reddening cheeks with your hands when he teased you for looking at him in the way you did.

Remorse of time wasted before him, and time wasted with him.

Regret of the things you did and the things he didn't.

It's all very confusing. Exhausting. If you were to really think about it, you'd spend a week in bed with a box of tissues. Would ask Taehyung why he didn't warn you that a heart could feel this horrid.

But he did, and you damn well know it.

Shrugging, you reach for the bottle and split the final few glugs between your glasses.

"We were just bored," you play it off. "Had nothing better to do. No one better to do."

But Taehyung shakes his head. "You don't have to do that, yanno. Pretend like it didn't matter. It's okay that it did. Even if he is a prick, and even if he's no better than the rest of them. It's okay that it hurts."

You're silent when he says this.

Despite your teasing, you never really thought Jungkook was much of a player.

But his friends are back now, and you've been relegated to the sidelines. Doesn't matter if he spent weeks—months—playing in no field but yours. Greener pastures have presumably sprouted. Your turf is wrecked from his carelessness, and he's left you to heal yourself while he goes and wrecks another.

Whoever he was pretending to be in the summer isn't who he is now that his friends are back—but when they're laughing and joking in the basement of the Conservatory that evening, Jungkook knows which version of himself he prefers.

"You need to get laid," Jimin tells Jungkook with a laugh. "Never seen a man look so bloody miserable at a party."

Of all the things Jungkook needs, getting laid is not one of them. In fact, he thinks it would be a very sensible idea if he never got laid again. Sex is messy. People get all emotional over it.

Or more so, he gets all emotional over it.

Had never been the type to, before. Always thought it was something that just happened to other people. Not to him.

He pushes the thoughts aside. Feels a little sick. Shrugs off Jimin's remark.

"If I wanted to get laid, I would get laid."

"So why don't you? Will do us all a favour. Claudia's been—"

"I couldn't give a fuck," Jungkook interrupts Jimin. "I'm not interested."

He never has been. Wants nothing to do with this university, and the men that run it, and so would never date one of their daughters.

They're all corrupt. Every last one of them. All cheat on their wives. All throw their families under the bus for their own selfish exploits. His own father's affair has proven this to him.

Jungkook pities his friends. Just because their parents haven't fucked up yet, doesn't mean they won't.

"Oi, Loverboy," Jackson calls from across the room, breaking the tension only to replace it with a headache for Jungkook. "Where's your little girlfriend? I told her to come."

"Who?" Jimin chirps.

Jungkook grates his jaw. Is deadly serious when he says, "Leave it, Jackson."

"Trouble in paradise for our lovebirds, huh?"

"I said leave it."

"Who the fuck is he talking about?" Jimin continues to ask, incredibly curious about this turn of events. Leave town for a couple of months, he thinks, and everything changes.

"No one."

"That one from the diner," Jackson just continues fuckin' talking. Jungkook wants to scream. "The one with a stick up her ass—"

"Jackson, cut it out," Jungkook snaps. "She's no one. Just fuckin' leave it."

"You ashamed, huh, Loverboy?" Jackson berates him a little bit. He isn't trying to be a dick, but he thinks Jungkook is acting like a tool. Jackson is no saint, but at least he doesn't ever pretend to be something he's not. "Poor girl. Wear her like your favourite pair of shoes all summer and then throw her to the trash when your friends come back? I thought better of you. So did she, probably. Shame."

Of all the people Jungkook ever expected to receive lessons in morality from, Jackson Wang was not the one. He parades himself around the Conservatory like Hugh Hefner reincarnated, his class attributed to money and not behaviours.

"The fuck have you been doing this summer, Kook?" Jimin laughs, utterly dumbfounded by his reactions.

They've all had their fair share of less than conventional lovers. If Jungkook has been fucking around with a girl from the Diner, then so what? Who cares?

"Nothing," Jungkook snaps.

It's not that he's ashamed. 

It's that you're separate.

When he's with you, all of this—the bullshit of college life and calamity of his family falling apart—dissolves into nothingness. He doesn't have to think. Finds himself at ease.

If you were to ever become a part of his life—his real one, not the one he got so used to living in with you over the summer—then it'd all change.

He doesn't want that.

He wants you to be a safe haven.

A refuge point can't be in the midst of a fire, though. He has to keep you away. At arms length.

But god damn, he wishes you would come and put out his fire. He's struggling. Finds existing without you so fucking hard. Doesn't know at which point he became so dependent, but knows his oxygen is running low.

He's suffocating. Isn't sure how much longer he can keep this up.

"Yeah, sure seems like nothing," Jimin smirks with a shake of his head as Jungkook storms off to get some much needed air. "Oi, Jackson, what was that all about?"

With a shrug, and yet another girl on his arm, Jackson grins. Puts on a pathetic little voice to mimic Jungkook's tantrum. "Fink baby boy has a wittle cwush."

"Girl from the diner?" Jimin implores, still smirking at Jackson's dumb humour. "Which one?"

"You really have to ask?"

For all of his mystery, Jungkook has never been a man of subtleties. His eyes give him away.

They always have done.

When he was looking at the menu board earlier that day? It was obvious.

Before college broke up for summer, and how Jungkook would always cast his eyes down to his hands whenever you, specifically, came to take their order? It was obvious.

How Jungkook would always make sure he was on the side of the booth that gave him ample opportunity to steal glances of you? It was so fucking obvious.

Sometimes he'd laugh at the slightly sarcastic remarks you gave Claudia whenever she would ask irritating questions about the menu.

When they were deciding where to eat, Jungkook would suggest the Montgomery's Diner, always.

So, no, Jimin doesn't really have to ask.

"Stupid prick," he sighs, sipping on his beer. Loves Jungkook to absolute death, but will never understand him. Figures that maybe you do. Worries that Jungkook is about to wreck it all. He calls after Jackson, "She here tonight?"

"Invited her," he calls back. "But she's got an attitude problem to rival his. Fuck knows if she's around. You'll feel her ice before you see her."

Which is funny, because the lingering summer heat sticks to your skin as you nervously meander up a driveway you know all too well.

The Conservatory is decidedly not a conservatory.

It's a complex. A maze of buildings, and greenhouses, and fuck knows what else. You've no interest in gardening, but if excelling at it meant living somewhere like this, maybe you'd consider taking it up as a hobby.

The buildings are mostly redbrick, with large windows, and even larger doors. It's the kind of place you'd imagine a Duke of some far away land prancing about in. Playing croquet, or secretly courting a lowly village girl that his parents will never approve of.

The irony isn't lost on you.

"Wait, how do I look?" Taehyung asks for what feels like the hundredth time. "Not too dressy?"

"You're wearing a waistcoat," you reply, face twisted in affectionate condemnation. He looks great, but he also does look far too dressy. It's his 'look', though, and one that'll get him attention, both good and bad.

If Kim Taehyung walked around with the arrogance his handsome face warranted him with, he'd be the heartthrob of the campus. You think even Claudia would want a slice of him—and given his distaste for the elite yet pining desire to be on their level, it'd be quite the complex pairing.

All of the other men here are in t-shirts, but Taehyung has never been like other men. It's part of the reason you like him so much.

One thing, however, you don't like about Taehyung is his domineering need to 'fix' things. It comes from a place of love, and he only ever does it because he cares, but it's not always in your best interest.

When he told you to go and get changed out of your work uniform, you thought he was planning on taking you to a bar. That you'd be drowning your sorrows over wine you can't afford.

You would never agree to go to the Conservatory. Not now.

Which is why he didn't tell you of his plan.

Instead, he ordered a cab and didn't give you the chance to protest. You were already halfway there by the time you realised.

"Why don't we just go home?" You whine, tugging on his arm as you stand by the gate that leads through the gardens—the same ones you used to traipse around in with Jungkook. "We don't need to be here."

"Uh-uh," he shakes his head, firmly standing his ground. "I've avoided this place for two years, and the second my back is turned it becomes your new home. The least you could do is invite me round for dinner."

"It's not my new home—"

"MONTGOMERY!"

The voice of Jackson Wang yelling across the front lawn makes you want to shrivel up and die. Sink down into the ground. You'd make great compost for the botanists.

"Y'know, you and Loverboy really need to stop lying so much," he says with an incredibly intoxicated grin as he lumbers towards you. You'll never admit it, but part of you is pleased to see him. "First you saying you weren't coming, then him telling everyone nothing happened between you. Both as bad as one another."

Nothing happened between you.

It doesn't surprise you, but it does sting. And it also confuses you. Why on earth would you be a topic of conversation? The people here know you as Montgomery. The girl from the diner. You're nothing but a background character to them.

"What did he say?" You ask, disregarding everything else, not even bothering to introduce Taehyung. He's finding all of this incredibly bewildering.

"Oh, Jimin was grilling him," Jackson waves his hands around, disregarding it. "Kept saying you were no one. Refused to admit that he'd practically tied his laces with yours for the whole summer. Don't you worry, though, Monte Carlo. I had your back. Set the record straight."

Jackson Wang having your back isn't something you ever expected to happen.

Jeon Jungkook's absolute denial of your clandestine affaire de cœur is, disappointingly, something you expected.

It doesn't mean that it comes without hurt. If anything, it's far more visceral, for you only have yourself to blame. These wounds are self-inflicted, even if they're carved with a knife Jungkook crafted out of silly affirmations he never should have made.

"Where is he?" You ask, cold in your tone.

Jackson shrugs. "Try the basement. S'where I last saw him."

As Jackson saunters off to find another poor partygoer to mildly offend, you're left with a bad taste in your mouth. You've been irritated since you saw Jungkook earlier that day.

How he can just show up at the diner and act like he doesn't even know you, let alone knows what it's like to wake up next to you, is beyond insulting.

"C'mon," Taehyung urges you along. "I need a drink, and you could use three."

Conversely, you think you need an entire bottle.

A bottle of what, you don't care. Just something strong. Anything other than the shitty, overpriced whisky Jungkook always insisted on drinking.

"Fine. But we're not going to the basement."

It's perplexing to walk the halls of the Conservatory without Jungkook; to pass by strangers who have no idea who you are, but who know and admire him as if he's some sort of Hollywood celebrity.

They don't know him like you do. Don't know what it feels like to have his hand around their throat, or his fingers gently intertwined with theirs. They've never heard him laugh like you have.

And yet when you're a few drinks deep, and on the verge of calling a cab to go home, you hear that laugh again and wonder how he can bear to be happy right now.

Glancing up, his face is unreadable. The lights are dim, and the shadows obscure the painful furrowing of his brows. He looks just the same as he did back in the diner earlier that day. Perplexed. In pain. Somehow perfectly fine, too.

The group he's in is small. Some of them you know, some of them you don't.

Claudia sits across from him on the lap of some other guy, yet she doesn't take her eyes off Jungkook. She laughs a little harder at his jokes. Directs questions to him. Flirts with other people in front of him to no avail. 

Not even now, after summer when her skin is sunkissed and her radiance is rejuvenated, can she keep his attention.

In fact, none of them can once he spots you from across the room. The big lights are off, fairy lights strung up, and a sunset lamp pours a clementine hue over you.

Summer becomes you, he thinks—adores—from afar.

The year is a body, and you're eternally condemned to its heart. That's where he'll keep you. Where you belong.

Had it been spring—the brain of the year—when he'd been hauled up in that diner, he never would have let things get as far as they did.

Had it been winter—the cunt of the year, for lack of a better term—he would have let it get that far, and he wouldn't have felt bad about it, either.

But Autumn is drawing close. The gut. The time to trust his intuition, and he damn well knows it.

A hand wraps itself around your wrist, dragging you away from his car crash eyes. Jungkook slips into the dull shadows of the room, right where he belongs. Was foolish of you to ever think otherwise.

"Do you mind?" you snap, but let yourself be dragged away regardless. Part of you hopes it'll make Jungkook do something. You're not sure what. Just something.

The man who is leading you astray is familiar. Recognisable. Park Jimin.

Though he's not aggressive, he definitely isn't gentle as he leads you out to the gardens. Lets go of your wrist by an overgrown shrub just beyond the benches that are made for drunken DMC's. He isn't after one of them. Wants the facts.

"Cut the bullshit," he says.

"No hello?" You chirp. "Nice to see you? Or better yet, an introduction?"

"You know who I am," Jimin tells you, expression flat. You hate that the arrogant fucker is right. "But I know fuck all about you, and apparently you're the reason Jungkook is walking around like death warmed up. So cut the bull. What happened?"

Frankly it's none of Jimin's business. Even if he's done you wrong, Jungkook trusted you. You're not gonna throw that back in his face and air his dirty laundry—especially not considering that Jimin is Jungkook's friend. If Jungkook wanted him to know, he'd have told him.

"Nothing," you tell him. "Barely even know him."

Jimin sighs. Jackson was right. There's a reason why you and Jungkook got along so well. Are both insufferable.

Glancing behind you, Jimin raises his brows.

You turn to face his line of vision, and fail to hide your surprise when you see Jungkook by the back door. Like a deer in headlights, he's frozen in place, his darling bambi eyes so startled he almost looks scared.

"So if you barely know him," Jimin continues as you and Jungkook stare one another out. "Why the fuck is he looking at you like he's seen a ghost?"

It takes a second or so, but you manage to pull your gaze away. Turn back to face Jimin. Shrug. Play dumb.

"Mistaken identity."

"Oh, I get it," Jimin smirks, knowing you aren't gonna give him an easy way out. Needs to bamboozle answers out of you. "You both went to the same bullshitting classes over summer? Is that it?"

You're surprised to find yourself smiling. Surprised that you find humour in Jimin's words. Surprised that you aren't rolling your eyes.

He's always been the Untouchable that has annoyed you the most. Is too loud. Laughs at the most obnoxious things.

"Top of the class," you reply because it somehow feels okay to joke with him. Perhaps spending so much time with Jungkook has lowered you Park Jimin-related intolerance. Not cured it, by any means, but definitely made it easier to manage.

"Academic rivals," Jimin supposes, realising that maybe there's a little more to you than he's ever given you credit for. "That's pretty hot."

"He seemed to think so," you lament, knowing that you're revealing a far more truthful rendition of your time spent with Jungkook. Or at least, admitting that time was spent together.

With a sigh, you walk a little further into the garden. Cross your arms. Look back over your shoulder to the door, only to find Jungkook is gone. It shouldn't upset you like it does, but you find your lips pressing together in a small pout.

"Look," Jimin says, exhaling a breath so deep you're sure his lungs must be empty. He comes to stand beside you, looking across the vast expanse of the gardens. "I'm not asking for your life story. If you don't give a shit about Kook, then that's fine, I'll leave you alone. But he's my best friend, and I've never seen him like this."

Glancing at Jimin, there's a taut discomfort on your face. Guilt, almost—but you've not done anything wrong. It's on him. He's the one who chose for things to be this way.

"I give a shit," you quietly admit as you look back out towards the garden, then sigh out a pitiful laugh. "You know him. You know what he's like. Of course I give a shit."

Quite honestly you think it's impossible to not fall for Jungkook. He's everything you're hardwired to appreciate: hardworking, charming, incredibly funny. You lost count of how many nights dissolved into laughter with him. Had never known your cheeks to hurt so much.

He was gentle, too. Stroked his thumbs against your cheeks just as often as he made them ache.

It's your heart that's aching now, and he's not around to soothe your woes.

Back inside, Jungkook feels so viscerally unwell that he thinks he might be sick. Or maybe he's actually dying. One of the two.

This is everything he didn't want. You were supposed to be separate. Supposed to be a sanctuary away from this all.

You're in the thick of it, now. Jimin is grilling you, and Jungkook doesn't know what to do. It's too much. All of it. The party, the people, the fact that you look at him with ice in your eyes when he knows damn well they used to harbour the warmest of fires.

Beelining for the basement, he kind of hopes the ground will swallow him up. Stop him from making the bad decisions he seems to find so god damn irresistible.

As he yanks open the small fridge at the back of the basement, Jungkook doesn't care what he drinks. Just needs something to help soothe his fragile mine; to make him feel better, 'cause lord knows you won't.

Reaching for a beer, he doesn't ask around to see if it belongs to anyone. Finders keepers. He's an Untouchable. This place is basically his by birthright. No one is gonna argue against him.

But Kim Taehyung isn't just anyone.

"So, when you apologise for being a gargantuan pillock, are you planning on also trying to win her over? Or will you just clean your conscience and wipe yourself clean of her, too?"

Jungkook's jaw tenses as his teeth grit together. "Don't know what you're on about."

"Had a girl in tears at my dinner table earlier tonight," Taehyung exaggerates. Just wants Jungkook to feel as awful as he knows you do. "Your friends might not give a shit about your well-being, but I give a shit about mine."

And for some reason, this irks Jungkook. He gives a shit about you. Cares so much he's been torturing himself by staying away. Thinks it's better for you both.

If it truly was, neither of you would be feeling so gut-wrenchingly awful.

He knows you're angry. You've made that perfectly clear.

But he also knows you do cry when you're frustrated. Was a lesson learned when you were stressed over the diner roof leaking one night during the monsoons when no one else was in to help you fix it.

It was the first night he offered you a lift home. Had taken pity on you. Had also liaised with the college maintenance guy to check it out the next day, even if the diner wasn't technically part of campus.

Because Jungkook does give a shit about your well-being, and he refutes the claim that he doesn't.

"So what? You here to tell me to stay away?" Jungkook scoffs as he prizes off the cap of the bottle. Swigs down a sip. Then another, 'cause he's not wankered enough for this.

"I'm here to tell you that you're an asshole," Taehyung asserts. "She didn't deserve to be used by you for the summer and then tossed to the trash just because semesters starting up again."

The roll of Jungkook's eyes is so weighted that it almost feels as if they'll get lodged in the back of his skull. The last time they'd rolled that deep was in bed with you. Back then it was because his body was so divinely out of sync that his muscles couldn't keep up with his actions. This time, pleasure is the furthest thing away from how he's feeling.

"You want me nowhere near her, but the fact I'm staying away makes me an asshole?" Jungkook petulantly laughs. "Can't ever fuckin' win, can I?"

"This isn't about winning or losing," Taehyung argues back. "She trusted you."

Jungkook doesn't understand what that has to do with anything. He's not betrayed your trust. Has kept all your secrets. Tried his best to keep you secret, too.

"What was she to you, huh? Some project? A virginity to get under your belt? Something to pass the time—"

"I don't know who you think I am," Jungkook snaps, fed up being accused of something he's not. "But not once did I ever treat her badly, okay? I—" He cuts himself off. Doesn't know how to articulate himself. "We— Look, you just don't get it. You don't know me. I was nothing but fuckin' nice. Okay? And she was nice. And it was nice. And we..." He trails off. Realises what Taehyung said. "The fuck do you mean, 'virginity to get under your belt'?"

It's about now that Taehyung realises he's said too much.

But every cloud has a silver lining.

"Talk to her," Taehyung shrugs as he begins to walk away. "Not me."

He leaves a scowling Jungkook by the fridge. Heads to the stairs, and once he reaches the top, is yanked away by a small but mighty force.

"You," Jimin asserts. "With me. Now."

The sound of three knocks on the bathroom door serve as a signal: let me in.

A panicked text from Taehyung had practically begged you to go to the basement bathroom and wait for him there. Said there was drama that he needed to talk with you about.

And you believed him, 'cause you're a few too many drinks deep and honestly could do with the respite.

Perched up on the countertop by the sink, you reach over and unhook the latch, giving Taehyung the all clear to come on in. Your legs languidly swing and your shoulders are slumped, this party well and truly over for you.

The only reason you're still here is because you know Taehyung's secretly been revelling in his first Conservatory party. You fear he'll want to come every weekend, now.

"You better not have your cock out," a playful voice you know all too well jokes, as the door pushes open. Eyes closed as he enters, he shuts the door behind him. Asks, "Am I safe to open my eyes?"

You're gonna kill Taehyung. 

In the most loving but brutal way, you will absolutelymurder him for setting you up like this.

"Safe," you grimace.

Jungkook doesn't open his eyes. In fact, he presses them even tighter together. Frowns. "Jimin isn't in here, is he?"

"We've been bamboozled," you sigh, and as much as he doesn't want to, Jungkook smiles at your choice of words. Tips his head down, and open his eyes. Is a little too scared to look your way, for fear of being greeted with wrath.

"Their days are numbered," Jungkook assures you, quickly glancing across to try and work out how you're feeling.

"My sentiments exactly."

Jungkook goes to speak, but you both notice a grating metallic noise by the door. Immediately, Jungkook presses his hand down on the door handle, but there's absolutely no give. It won't budge

"Jimin," he calls, voice strong and domineering through the wooden panels. Hastily painted white, they're chipped and tarnished; covered in numbers and Instagram handles, rumours and declarations of love. It's not your first time locked in this bathroom with Jungkook, but the last was of your own choice. Had been you turning the lock with a smile and glint in your eyes that had promised him trouble. "Open it up."

"No can do," Jimins smugly sings from beyond the door. "Sort your shit out."

Hopping off the counter, you nudge in front of Jungkook to pound against the door with an open fist. Though he steps back, it's still the closest you've been with him since he left your bedroom a couple weeks ago. Part of you laments the fact he moved away from you. Part of him does, too.

"Tae," you try calling instead, hand banging on the door, but you're met with the exact same response.

"Figure it out," he calls back, but also adds, "And if he's still an insufferable asshole in five minutes time, I'll come let you out."

Despite everything, you laugh at this. Not so much because of Taehyung's words, but because Jungkook's face screws up like an old newspaper.

"What is it with him and calling me an asshole?" Jungkook mutters under his breath with a shake of his head.

The bathroom is small—just a toilet and sink built into a cabinet. There's a mirror covering the back wall over it, and another cabinet above it that you assume is filled with empty bottles and misplaced lipglosses. There's barely even enough room to breathe, although there is enough room to make Jeon Jungkook come undone in the least dignified of ways. You should know.

You wish you didn't.

"He calls you one because you are one," you assure him.

"Excuse me?" 

"What?" You scoff, hopping back up on the counter, your eyes on his 'cause you want to watch the way he gets nasty. Wanna remind yourself of how horrible he can be. Replace the memories of him in this bathroom, 'cause in all reality, they're actually really lovely. Nice, even. Warm. Everything you're trying to convince yourself he's not. "Gone deaf as well as turned into a massive prick?"

"Jesus Christ," he says, rolling his eyes, turning back to face the door. Shakes at the handle. "Give it a rest."

"Why?" You ask as if butter wouldn't melt on your tongue. "Would it make life easier for you if I just wasn't around?"

Jungkook knows what you're doing. Has bickered with you enough times to understand your tricks. This is how you start; put words in his mouth that he can't defend against.

And so he doesn't try.

"Yep," he declares, turning to face you. "Way easier. Can you tell your friend I'm an asshole, still? Get us out of this place?"

You recline in defiance. Perched up on the counter next to the basin, your back is against a mirror. Legs crossed, you're in the same white summer dress you wore to your first party at the Conservatory.

Nearly everyone had been away for the summer.

You had spent the evening tucked up together on an armchair meant for one, him in the seat, you perched on the armrest, feet in his lap.

"People will talk, y'know," you'd assured him, elbows on your knees, chin in your palms.

"So let them talk," he'd smirked. "What's there to say? We're just sitting?"

It was strange for him to be seen with you. Even Jackson has been confused, but let it slide 'cause another partygoer is another partygoer. He cared for numbers, not names.

"Dunno," you had teased. "Might start talking about the way you look at me."

"Yeah?" He'd husked as his long fingers wrapped around your wrist. Gently pulled you closer.

"Yeah," you'd whispered, the sound of the music keeping your conversation obscure. "How long has it been that you've been looking at me for? A minute, already? Only one more until you fall in love, according to science."

"You tryna make me fall in love with you, Montgomery?"

"No," you'd innocently chirped, then pulled back. "Why? Were you?"

He'd shrugged. Sipped on his beer. "Guess we'll never know."

Looking at him now, you find it hard to believe he's the same person as he was back then.

"Why would I do that?" You feign naivety. "You're not an asshole?"

He doesn't reply. Knows you're going somewhere with this. Leans his back against the wall opposite you and folds his arms as if to say, go on.

"Assholes fuck people over," you state. "You'd never do that. And you'd definitely never spend your summer in some poor girls sheets and then pretend like she doesn't exist in front of your friends—"

"There is it," he confirms. Knew it was coming. Didn't expect you to actually try and speak about things like adults. So fuckin' childish.

"Oh?" You chirp. "So you're well aware of the fact you're an asshole? Good. Glad we have that one sorted out."

"Yep," he confirms, mouth drawing to a thin line.

The fact he isn't engaging in the fight infuriates you. Just proves he doesn't care. That he fucked you over for sport.

"I'm an asshole," he says, voice full of snark. "You know it, I know it. There's no reason why you should want to be around me. No reason why you should waste your time."

"It's so funny," you gasp in fake surprise. "I was thinking the exact same thing! Isn't it so great that you came to this conclusion after you already wasted months of my life?"

He's silent, now. Cowardly.

"Y'know I always knew you were an obnoxious prick," you say, voice now soberly quiet. "But I didn't think you were this cruel, Kook."

"You know that's not—"

"What?" You interrupt, voice growing louder with each question. "Not true? You woke up in my bed one morning, and then never spoke to me again. Who does that? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I don't know!" He shouts, and it surprises you both.

Raking his hand through his hair as he turns away from you, Jungkook wishes he had an answer. Wishes he could explain himself in a way that made sense to you both. Instead, he harshly swallows down his anger. Turns to face you again. Looks like he might cry.

Feels like it, too. 

"Why didn't you tell me, huh?" He quietly asks.

"Tell you wha—"

"That you were a virgin."

Your previous thoughts about murdering Taehyung return. Of all the things he could have divulged to Jungkook, and that's what he chose?!

Men, you internally scoff. All fuckin' idiots.

"Hardly relevant, is it?"

"Of course it is," he snaps, turning back to face you. "If I'd have known—"

"You'd have what? Ghosted me sooner? Made it into a fun little competition?"

"I didn't ghost you."

"Gaslighting, too, now are we?" You scoff. "Hold on, let me go and get my bingo card. Things Jungkook does that are absolutely fucking infuriating. Wanna cross it off the list. It's right next to how fast you drive your car, and how much I hate your stupid fucking alarm tone."

"Well good job you never have to hear it again, isn't it?"

"Why not? 'Cause you are ghosting me?"

"No, because this is fuckin' stupid," he says, yanking on the door handle, on the off chance it will finally budge. It doesn't. "You think I'm the devil reincarnated. You don't want me, so why bother with this? This is done. Us. Whatever the fuck it was. You never trusted me in the first place. Would have told me if you did. So just call your friend, tell him I'm an asshole. We're done."

"Oh, well you're two weeks too late for this conversation, don't you think?" you argue back with a cold laugh. "But has it ever occurred to you that my life doesn't revolve around you? That you aren't the reason I'm here? Jackson invited me."

"Ah, so that's what it is?" Jungkook sarcastically exclaims, your insatiable need to fight finally sinking into his skin. "You were just using me, huh? Getting those V-plates off, so you could be ready for him? Is that why you didn't tell me? Huh?"

The mere thought of hooking up with the college's very own Hugh Hefner makes you wanna gag—but if it'll piss off Jungkook, maybe you'll consider it.

"Why would you care if I let him fuck me?" You ask with such pointed anger Jungkook can't help but feel like you're driving knives into his chest. "Do that thing you like with my tongue? You think he'd like my pussy, huh? Maybe I'd let him fuck me raw."

You never let Jungkook go unprotected. Insisted on it each and every time, and he complied even if he was a little pouty about it after you'd been fucking for a while. The trust was there. You were on the pill. He knew he was clean and had told you as such, but it made no difference.

To even suggest you'd let Jackson fuck you raw is laughable.

With a smirk on his lips, Jungkook edges towards you.

Put his hands on your crossed knees. Waits for you to jerk him away—but you don't. Instead, you watch on with salacious confusion. Say nothing. Not even when he uncrosses them, nor when he spreads them apart.

With a hand either side of your head against the mirror, Jungkook stands between your legs.

Looks down at you.

Is so close you can smell his aftershave.

A month ago, in a position like this, you'd have kissed him.

"Hm?" You cock your head. Repeat your question. "You think he'd like my pussy? How long do you think he'd take to cum? Longer than you, I hope."

Jaw tense, Jungkook swallows down the way he wants to curse you out. Closes his eyes. Lets his head dip further, his forehead now resting against the top of your head.

The contact is minimal, but God, you've missed it. Trapped in position by him, you'd forgotten how lovely it was to lose yourself to Jungkook.

"You're not being fair," he whispers. Whines, even.

"Fair?" You laugh, but it's gentle. Matches his tone. "You can hardly take the high ground on fairness, Jungkook."

He nods. Takes a second, and then pathetically begs: "Don't fuck him. Please."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"You know why," he says. Stands straighter, now. Rakes a hand through his hair. Looks down on you with such pained desperation you almost feel bad. He tries to speak, but struggles with his words again. Takes him a few attempts to get anything out. "I didn't like you because I was fucking you. I fucked you because I liked you. You know that. You know it wasn't...Fuck. You know what it was."

The past tense he speaks in cuts you up inside.

Jungkook shrugs in defeat when he's met with silence. Purses his lips. Eyes on yours, they're glassy. Watery, almost.

Yours are just as bad, because what the fuck are you supposed to say to that? He's the one that cut you out. He did this.

"What did I do?" You ask, voice meagre and pathetic. Your vulnerability is mortifying, and yet you just can't help yourself as a tear streaks down your cheek. "What the fuck did I do that was so wrong, Kook?"

The heat of his hand scalds your skin as his thumb wipes away your tears. After his cold shoulder for the past two weeks, your body doesn't know how to respond. Should you be angry? Hurt? Comforted?

All you know is that you're more confused now than you ever were when you first started hooking up with him.

"Nothing," he quietly promises. Holds your cheeks in his hands. Rests his nose beside yours. Is far too close for a man who's been trying to stay away from you. Is beginning to realise that maybe his self-preservation was thinly veiled self-sabotage instead. "I thought I was doing the right thing, but it's been so fuckin' miserable, and then I didn't know how to fix things, and then it was all such a mess and—"

The words Jungkook is yet to speak are lost in the soft press of your lips against his.

Brows furrowed, Jungkook's grip on your face tightens. Keeps you close, 'cause he feels the pressure of your lips waning but doesn't want you to pull away.

And so you don't. Instead you apply more pressure. Harder. Deeper.

It's not like kissing Jungkook is a new experience. You've done it upwards of a thousand times, now. You know his lips and his tongue, and how it likes to flick against yours; his piercings, and the frequency of his moans that vibrate into your mouth.

Kissing Jungkook is just as easy as it is hard. Easy, in the way he takes not a single considered thought. Hard, in how it becomes your only tangible thought for minutes, hours, days afterwards.

An eternity and a millisecond is lost in the kiss, just like the summer that lasted an age and yet was gone with the wind.

When your lips finally part, there's silence. Forehead resting on yours, Jungkook shakes his head ever so gently. Doesn't know how to articulate his thoughts. How to say sorry, or how to fix his mess.

While his logic was flawed, and his execution careless, his intentions had been good. As much as he had a life to go back to, and friends that wouldn't get it, so did you.

He knows they hate him—isn't ignorant to the roll of Maria's eyes every time they walk into Montgomery's, and has experienced Taehyung's disdain first-hand this evening.

He'd spent his summer getting out of the house to avoid the fall-out of his father's infidelity. Knows how much his family is suffering all because of a man who just couldn't control himself. Was trying to be better. Trying not to wreck both of your lives.

As he stands in the dingy bathroom of a party house, the lingering burn of your lips on his still smouldering, he knows that he wrecked you both regardless.

And so it's up to him to put you back together again.

"I'm sorry," you say as you break the kiss, mortified at how stupid of an impulse it had been. You don't that. Not anymore. A month ago, sure, kissing Jungkook in a dingy bathroom at a party house would have been exciting. Now, it just feels embarrassing. "I shouldn't have—"

His lips are on yours again, stealing your words from you. He doesn't want to hear you apologise. Knows that you don't need to.  Also knows that he does need to.

"Don't," he quickly says between kisses. "Please, don't say sorry."

"But I—"

"Shut up," he smiles against your lips, shaking his head ever so slightly. He kisses you again, and this time it's soft. Pretty. Poetic, almost in how it makes you feel. And then he speaks, and you're reminded of just how easy it is to adore him, even when you know you shouldn't. "You know how much I've missed this? God, I've missed you so much. Please don't say sorry. I'm sorry. It's on me. I made a mistake, alright? I fucked up." 

He pulls back. Has your cheeks in his hands as he makes sure your eyes are on his. They're dark, now, in the dim light of the bathroom you're in, but they've never been warmer.

"I mean it. I'm so fucking sorry," he whispers. Brows furrowed, lips pouty, he's got the kind of face you're hardwired to trust. To adore. Or maybe, it's just him, in general, that you're inclined to feel this way about. "Okay?"

His large hard hands are still holding your cheeks, as yours wrap around his wrists. With a shake of your head, you shrug. Pout, too.

An apology is appreciated, but it's just words. It's his actions that have been upsetting you. Not his words (or lack thereof).

"We're gonna leave this bathroom and you're gonna pretend like I don't exist again," you tell him.

The frown on his face deepens. "That's not true. And that's not what I was trying to do in the first place, either. I just thought—"

"What? That it was a good idea to kiss me on my doorstep and promise you'd pick me up from work, only to never show? To ignore my texts? To—"

"No," he quietly admits, dropping his head between his shoulders. "I made the wrong calls—but I can make it up to you. I want to make it up to you." He rests his forehead against yours. Quietly begs, "Please."

Slowly, Jungkook nudges his nose up against yours. Waits for permission.

Beyond the door, loud music thuds through the room. It obscures the conversation you've been having, keeping you just as secret as you always have been.

It's not like you told any of your friends, either, and when it came to telling Taehyung, you weren't exactly forthcoming. Perhaps you would have been the one to pretend like he didn't exist, had he not done it first.

"I want you," he husks against your lips. 

"You wanna fuck me," you correct him, lips tantalisingly brushing his with every word.

"True," he admits. "But I also wanna send you dumb memes again, and go for drives after work, and wake up in your bed. I wanna go for breakfast, and I still need to cook you my world-famous makguksu. I want to have not been a dick for the past two weeks, but I can't change that. I just wanna be what I once was to you again."

"And what was that?" You encourage.

There was never any label. Realistically, there's no right answer. 

Or at least there isn't, until Jungkook just simply says, "Yours."

And what else can you do when confronted by such a pathetic, yearnful admittance from him, except to give into how you're feeling, too?

Frantic in the way your hands are on his body—his arms, his waist, around his throat—there's a neediness to you. One he's missed. One he reciprocates, as his large palms stroke up your spread thighs, then get your legs wrapped around his hips.

The movements of your bodies are so well nurtured by now that you know what comes next; how the bulge in his trousers will press against your covered pussy, and how you'll whine at the contact no matter how minimal.

"Fuck," you whine as his hands slip under the skirt of your dress. It's an old routine at this point. He knows exactly where to go, what to do. His fingers press against the wet fabric of your underwear, just gently enough to make you moan a little harder into his mouth.

"Oh?" He smirks when he realises just how needy you are, his fingers stroking against your slick panties. "Missed me, too?"

"You're an asshole," you tell him with a smile. As his fingers get firmer, you can't help but whine. "You know I have."

He pulls back to look down at your body. Pushes the fabric of your dress out of the way. Curses when he realises the underwear you're wearing. Is his favourite pair. Red and lacy, there's a suspender belt to match it. While you're not wearing it right now, he's got pictures of you in it that belong in a fuckin' museum.

"Did you wanna fuck me tonight, huh?" He mumbles into your lips.

"Not everything is about you," you say with a smile, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Except it is. They're your favourite pair too, simply for how insanely he reacted to seeing you in them. Sure you're not in the full set up, but it was enough to have you feeling ever so confident as you left the house with Taehyung.

As his lips press against yours, his finger hooks beneath your underwear. Tugs them to the side. Gets you exposed for him.

"No?" He husks, as his fingers begin to sink between your soaked folds. "So this isn't about me, huh?"

You shake your head. Lie. "Never been less turned on."

He plays into your little theatrics. Has always enjoyed them.

"So you don't want me to do this?" He asks as his middle finger sinks into your entrance.

"Can't even feel it," you pretend, as if his thick knuckles aren't stroking against you in just the right way.

"No?" He grits. Sinks a second finger inside you. Gets you whining again, nails gripping onto his arms. His fingers slowly pump into you, easing you into the way it feels for him to be inside you.

There's something electric about Jungkook. Sends shivers through your spine. Always knew exactly how to manipulate your pussy into doing whatever he wanted, and now is no different. As you clench around him, he's overcome with satisfaction.

"This is just my fingers," he reminds you. "I don't think you can handle my cock."

Scoffing, you're desperately trying to pretend you aren't melting for him. "Please, I can handle it just fine."

"Sure you can, baby," he teases with so much arrogance you kinda wanna fight him again—but it's also why you like him. He challenges you. Gets your brain in overdrive.

And when he crouches in front of the counter, eyes aligned with your exposed cunt, you think you might actually lose it entirely.

His hands are on your thighs, spreading you further, getting a good look at the mess between your legs. When he sighs, the shallow breath that escapes his lips feels like absolute sin against your wetness.

"Oh, you really haven't been fucked since me, have you?" He teases again. "Look at how fucking keen you are. Been missing my cock, huh?"

"My vibrator's been doing the job just fine," you assure him, but it has him pulling back to cock a brow in your direction. He knows many things about you that other people don't, but he was not aware you owned any sex toys. Finds that his cock only throbs even harder in his pants at this revelation.

"Maybe so," he husks, leaning closer just so he drags his flat tongue up your folds. Has to stop himself from moaning, 'cause the taste of you is somehow even better than his memories. "But it's not better than me."

With a point to prove, and a desperation to reclaim you as his own, Jungkook doesn't entertain chitchat any longer. He dives back in, tongue lapping against your lips as his fingers push back inside you. The way he curls them just right as his tongue flicks against your clit is enough to make anyone lose their head.

Hands tangling in his hair, you find your body responding to him in the way it always does; pathetically, needily, hungrily. There's no dignity to be found.

His tongue works against you like a well trained craft, until his lips latch around your swollen bud and begin to lightly suck on it. When he hums in satisfaction—which he does often—the suction only grows stronger.

Gets you whimpering, "Like that. Fuck. Like that."

The build is just as undignified as you are. Your grip on his hair gets tighter, and the shake of your legs grows stronger. Dragging his tongue up and down your folds, he settles back on your clit. Flicks his pointed tongue against you until he knows you can't take it any longer and begins to suck again. Curves his fingers just right. Strokes you so gently that orgasm pours out of you like liquid gold. Guilds him into the most gorgeous aureate glow.

He doesn't ease. Keeps his lips wrapped around your clit. Makes sure you're spent.

When he finally releases you, he's breathing just as heavily as you are. Gets to his feet, fingers still plugged in your tight pussy. Is pleased to find you're just as insatiable as he is, pulling him in for the messiest of kisses as soon as you can. There's no care given for the fact he's covered in your arousal. You just want that tongue of his in your mouth—and when it is, you find yourself moaning from the withdrawal of his fingers.

Your hands reach to the waistband of his jeans to unhook his button. Get his zipper down. Your hands down the front of his trousers, when his thick cock is restricted by his tight boxer briefs. By the tip of his cock, a small wet patch resides; his desperation for you obvious. Gently rubbing your thumb across the pre-cum, all you can think about is his slit, and how you wanna kitten lick across it.

But it's been two weeks of near-constant pining, and all Jungkook wants is to bury himself inside you.

"Let me fuck you," he begs. "Please, baby."

If the girl who had first seen Jungkook in a shared lecture hall two years ago would have known she'd end up in a shitty bathroom with him begging for her, she'd have laughed. Wouldn't have believed it for a second.

Fresh-faced and so out of your comfort zone, the first few days at university were full of potential. It was before you had wised up to your place in the pecking order; when Jungkook was just a boy in your orientation class.

Skin kissed by European sun, there had been a radiance to him that seemed to captivate just about everyone. You weren't the only girl who had been sneaking glances his way.

You'd thought about him a lot in those first few weeks. Came to learn of his family ties around the same time you befriended Taehyung. Stopped seeing him around campus so much, and rarely ever thought of him.

But on those rare occasions you crossed paths, your gaze would always linger.

As he frees himself of his boxers, trousers suspended midway down his thighs, he gently rubs the tip of his cock between your folds and husks, "Always thought you were so pretty, y'know?"

Looking up at you for just a second, he smirks. Looks back down. Continues to rub himself against you, prepping himself with your slickness.

"Freshers week," he continues. "You never came to any of the parties."

The tip of his cock kisses your entrance, but doesn't penetrate. You stay in limbo just shy of what you both want.

"Had a stupid fuckin' crush on you," he admits. Has never acknowledged it before, but has always known. Kept it hidden. Safe. Secret.

"No, you didn't," you smile. He didn't even give you a second glance. Was always you seeking him out in lecture halls.

"I did," he says with absolute certainty. "You wore that little black sundress on our first day. Had ruffles on the shoulders."

It hangs in your wardrobe, a little out of style but still sweet in the right setting. You know the exact one he's talking about, because he's right. You did wear it on that very first day.

His cock nudges a little deeper. Enough to make you gasp, but not moan. Not yet. Gripping his arms, brows furrowed, you nod. He sinks himself just a little bit further. The feeling is overwhelming; fire on ice.

"Would have fucked you in that lecture hall, if you'd have let me," he smirks.

"You didn't even know my name," you counter, but he cuts your questioning off as he edges a little deeper, still. His hand dips to gently rub languid circles on your clit. He's not pushing himself any further, not yet. Wants to ease into how this feels.

"I did," he admits. "Listened extra hard during the roll call."

"So this has all been some big elaborate scheme to get into my pants, huh?"

"Is it working?" he jokes, leaning over to yank the cabinet above the sink open. A few random bottles and packets clatter into the sink, but he doesn't care.

He's looking on the top shelf, rifling through old boxes, sending more miscellaneous objects to their untimely demise. Spotting what he's after, he's assertive as he knocks the cabinet shut. Passes you the box.

"S'all there is. They alright?"

"Sure," you say, pulling one of the foil packets from the box. You check the date stamped on the front—only to see it's a year out of date. Some protection would be better than none, regardless of the date, but fuck it. You're on the pill. "You haven't fucked anyone else? In the last couple weeks?"

"What?" His brows contort in confusion. "No."

His expression softens, but is still laced with confusion when you toss the box of condoms down into the sink.

"I don't care. I don't want them—"

You're cut off by the way Jungkook clasps your jaw, keeping your eyes locked on his. There's a seriousness to him now; the same demeanour he holds himself with when he was taking photographs. He's intentional. Assertive.

"Promise me," he says with stern certainty. "You want this?"

When he's got you like this—legs spread, body his to claim, your soul to take—it's impossible to do anything but comply. See, things with Jungkook are reciprocal. Your feelings, your tortured misunderstanding of how a relationship could ever work, and his seriousness, now, too.

"I promise," you swear.

As a chaste kiss is pressed to your lips, his hands stroke down your spread thighs, pushing you a little further open for him.

"Can't unfuck me," he softly reminds you. Is taking his time not for the anticipation, but because he's scared. "If you fuck me raw—"

"Then I fuck you raw," you simply repeat, knowing that it's up to you to ease his woes. If anyone should be scared, it's you—yet there's a safety that comes with being with Jungkook. Smirk, then say, "Trust me. I know I can't unfuck you. I've been trying to forget—"

"Ouch," he laughs, nudging his nose up against yours.

"—but you're just..." you tailed off, not wanting to compliment him too highly. He's still in the dog house. "Memorable."

With a sardonic smile that he knows only means trouble, you reach down to grip his incredibly pert ass cheeks. Squeezing, just because you can, you encourage him to push even deeper into you—and he's the one who whines, now.

"God, you're so fuckin' tight," he praises with such pained desperation it almost sounds like he'll cry. He won't. It's just that he can't quite believe that he's raw inside you right now, and that you feel just as good as he always imagined. Better, even.

"Yeah?" You question, as you pull his hips closer, gasping as he finally sinks his full length into you once more. His fingers were thick, but they've got nothing on his cock. Like he's taken all the air from your lungs, your voice is all light and airy. Makes Jungkook even more insane.

"Yeah," he mumbles as he nods into a kiss that is just as feverant as his need to pulse his hips. He doesn't dare do it yet. Is waiting for you. "Feels so fuckin' good."

"So just fuck me," you hungrily moan into his lips.

You're challenging him deliberately, and it works a fucking treat when he pulls back with a grin. He doesn't withdraw himself, but he does pulse his hips ever so slightly. Keeps you plugged. Is just nudging even deeper into you as he keeps a hold on your thighs, keeping them spread nice and wide.

"Say please," he grunts as his pulsing becomes a singular deep thrust.

Your argumentative streak wants to fight.

You'll berate yourself later for the way you whimper, "Please."

His thick cock withdraws just a little to push back into you. He groans. Curses. Builds momentum. Speed.

The sound of his skin slapping against yours as he pounds himself into you is impossible to ignore. Your moans build. Double. Treble. He's grunting too, and then his lips are on your neck. It's a mess, quite frankly.

In the sordid shadows of this bathroom, your bodies become acquainted with an intimacy not yet bridged before. You can pretend to ignore each other in the hallways of your shared lecture buildings, but you'll never be able to ignore the desperation you have for one another. Jungkook was right. You can't unfuck him. And now he's fucking you raw, it only make it even more potent.

Harshly pulling himself out of you, Jungkook almost fuckin' cums on the spot when he realises how soaked he is from your arousal. It's not like it's a new thing, but skin on skin, it's so much more intense. Gasping from the sudden loss of pressure, you're a little unsteady. Lurch forward as if your body could stop him from withdrawing.

Holding the base of his thick shaft, Jungkook spanks against your pussy with his cock. Rubs your slick wetness around with his tip. Hooks his elbows under your thighs. Pulls you closer. Instructs, "Arms around my neck."

Wrapping an arm around your back, the other one tucks under your ass as he lifts you.

He turns. Presses your back to the wall, and lines himself up.

"Legs around me," he tells you, and as soon as you do, his cock pushes up into you again. He keeps you pinned against the wall as he begins to fuck himself into you, his lips pressing wet kisses to the curve of your neck.

The sight in the mirror behind him is lethal; his broad back covered by his shirt, but it doesn't matter. You know what he looks like. Know his muscles, and the valley of his spine, like the back of your own damn hand.

You wanna see it though. Give it a tug. Send him the right message. Get him tearing his shirt off and dropping it to the floor for you. Victory is so damn sweet.

"Kook," you whine as he really begins to get deep. "You're gonna make me cum."

"All over my cock, huh?" He grunts. "Gonna cum on cock, are you?"

His taunting only makes you whimper even more. "I'm so close."

And because he just likes to get you all whiney and needy, Jungkook stops. Puts you down. Gets you facing the mirror as you protest his unfair stealing of an orgasm.

But then he's lining himself up again, getting ready to take you from behind. Spanks your ass ever so quickly.

Sinking into you again, Jungkook curses. "Tighter like this."

"Good?" You pathetically check, and Jungkook can't help but think it's sweet.

"Yeah, babe," he promises, and pretends as if it's completely usual for him to speak to you so tenderly. "Feels so fuckin' good. Missed you so much, gorgeous. You and this tight cunt."

"Romance," you joke through your needy whines. He smirks at this, and delivers a curt little spank to your ass.

"I can be romantic," he assures you, as if you aren't being soundtracked by the sound of your skin slapping together, his thick cock fucking itself into your soaked hole. 

His eyes rise from the steady gaze he'd had on your ass to your eyes. 

Slowing himself, Jungkook holds his cock inside you without thrusting. Says, "I made that photo you took of us in your room my fuckin' phone wallpaper. I listen to that asmr guy you like before bed, every single fuckin' night. I keep one of your ribbons tied around my gearstick. That romantic enough for you?"

There's an incredibly bashful smile on your pretty face, which contradicts the way in which your pussy is tightening around him in the most lewd of ways. You're giggling when you say, "Shut up and fuck me."

But then he's giggling too, just how you like him to be. Says, "I missed your body, but I missed you more. Stupid."

"You're stupid."

"You're stupider."

"Kook," you laugh, as he's completely forgotten the task at hand. The way that he looks at you, you'd be forgiven for thinking he has. Truthfully, the connection he has with you is so much more than what sex has ever been for him before. 

His hips lightly pulse, as he says, "Sorry. Where were we?"

"Think you were gonna make me cum."

"Ah, yeah. That. My bad."

His gentle thrusts begin to build pace once more. The grin on his face drops a little as he begins to concentrate on you. Watching him in the mirror, you're perplexed to be reminded of just how ethereal Jungkook looks when he fucks.

The deep ridge between his brows intensifies, as his mouth hands slack. His cheeks hollow a little, and his eyes remain entirely focused. Dark. Deep. Brooding.

As his hand dips around to gently stroke against your clit, Jungkook is just as taken away by the way you look. He isn't sure what it is that gets his heart so heavy in his chest, but he knows that he wants you to cum. Doesn't give a fuck about himself.

The walls of your cunt begin to tighten around his length as your moans deepen. You whine his name and he encourages a response, but neither of you can really talk. A numbness is washing over you, your balance unsteady.

"I'm gonna..." you begin, but find it impossible to finish.

"I know, baby," he nods all out of breath and desperately fucked out. "Give me what I want. Cum for me."

You trust and keep your eyes on him, but the nudging on his cock against your g-spot and the slow rubbing of your clit is just enough to tip you over.

"Kook," you whimper as your walls begin to tighten around him, but it's fruitless. There's a shake to your legs, and he's the only thing keeping you supported.

"Oh, fuck," he curses from the strength of your pussy around him. He's shaking just as much as you are. "Cream on this cock, baby. Oh, fuck. Yeah.Just like that. You're gonna make me cum, too. Gonna make me cum so fuckin' hard. All in your pussy. You want that, huh?"

It's as you're desperately whining, cumming all around his thick shaft that Jungkook feels his body lose control. There's a tightness to his balls, and a shudder to his sternum, that he hasn't felt since the last time he was in your bedroom. Last time he was in you, more specifically.

"Kook," you whimper his name, and that's when Jungkook really can't hold back.

"Yeah, babe," he rasps, as his hard thrusts become pathetic stutters. "I'm cumming."

The announcement isn't needed, for you swear you can almost feel it as his thick cum begins to fill you. The lack of a condom makes it all the more primal, the way his body shudders indicative of just how much cum he's filling you up with. 

His body collapses on yours a little, his clammy torso pressed to your back. The dress you're wearing is barely on properly, and the feeling of his skin against yours is catastrophic. As intimate as sex is, it's this right now, the beat of his heart thrumming against your spine that is the real disaster. How you can ever look him in the eye again is beyond you.

But then his lips are pressing chaste kisses to the curve of your neck, and his hands are squeezing at your hips. He doesn't pull out. Keeps himself warm inside you. Says, "How the fuck am I ever supposed to give you up, huh?"

That's the thing.

He isn't supposed to, and you damn well know it.

Reaching back for some tissue to help you out, Jungkook slowly withdraws. Holds his hand beneath your pussy, then replaces it with tissue. Turns you around and lets you take over.

"Here's a radical idea," you offer, not looking at him as you quickly make sure you're decent. Stay standing with your legs crossed, just in case. "Don't."

Pulling his shirt back over his head, Jungkook presses his back to the wall. There's a distance between you, yes, but you don't really feel it, 'cause it's purely physical.

And it's not like it lasts for very long either, 'cause Jungkook decides he needs to kiss you all over again.

"Alright," he whispers against your lips. "Say we don't. Say I wanna be yours. What the fuck do we do now?"

You shrug. The answers aren't yours to decide. It's up to you both.

"Well, firstly I'm gonna text Tae," you hum. "Tell him you're still an asshole and that I need to be let out immediately."

It's been half an hour.

He came to check on things about ten minutes ago.

The music might be loud, but not loud enough to drown out the way you guys fuck. 

Summer had been quiet. In his car, in your empty house, you've never had to keep it down before. Didn't even realise quite how loud you were being.

Which is why Jimin is the one who unlocks the outside bolt with a smirk a few minutes later, Taehyung watching on with a little disgusted grimace a metre or so back.

"Gross," he whisper shouts at you, but then he's smiling, too. Notices how Jungkook touches you—the hand he has on the small of your back, and the way he clasps your hand as you begin to walk ahead of him—and finds it impossible to be mad.

"C'mon," Jimin calls behind himself, leading you up and out of the basement. "We're going to the diner."

"We?" You question, incredibly confused.

"We." He simply says. Doesn't leave it up for debate. Gathers up the rest of the Untouchables (though Claudia is noticeably absent), and tells them the same thing he told you. Drags Taehyung along as well.

Jungkook was scared of integrating you into his life, but there's no other way to do it. Has to rip the band aid off.

As you walk into Montgomery's, hand in hand with the boy who had spent his summer wasting away with you in here, both of you realise that maybe it isn't such a huge deal.

Or at least, you do until Maria clocks you. Eyes darting from you, to Jungkook, and then to your gently clasped hands, she's in a state of absolute shock. Almost drops her tray.

"Sorry, what the fuck?!"

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Nov 9th

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1. I'm looking for a fic that I swear I bookmarked！It's a modern AU where WWX has been dead for (13?) years in a world where people are starting to spontaneously resurrect from the dead (in a not zombie way). He finds his way back to LWJ and A-Yuan. I think near the end of the fic they get news that JYL has also been revived. @needleinthenonsense

FOUND!🔒💖 sudden nature series by everbrighter (M, 97k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, 5+1, family feels, parenthood, teenage rebellion, past character death, resurrection, pining, domestic fluff, angst, happy ending) 

NOT FOUND!🔒care by everbrighter (T, 35k, LSZ & WWX, wangxian, modern w/ magic, resurrection, family bonding, getting to know each other, past character death, pining)

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2. Hi!! This is my first time using Tumblr so I hope I’m doing this right… I read a fic (Ao3) where Lan Zhan was getting rid of a water spirit in the lake in Caiyi city (i think). Wei Yīng said something dirty and LWJ was going to retort when he was sucked underwater. He thought he was gonna die but soon got caught under like this wheel thingy where he was pulled up and his shoulder dislocated. He had wounds and was only saved thx to WWX using demonic cultivation. I have some screenshots if needed! @plumblossom-15339

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3. Hello, lovely people! I'm desperately looking for a fic I read in February, where lwj gets himself stuck as a bunny and iirc wwx is hired by lxc to bunnysit and because wwx had nowhere to live he was happy to accept. It might have been modern with cultivation. All I have is this quote I sent my friend: "And then Wei Ying had accepted! Lan Zhan was so overwhelmed that, just for a moment, his rabbit body took over, and he’d ended up doing a binky." Pls help!

NOT FOUND!🔒💖 blue-ribbon bunny by cicer (G, 15k, wangxian, modern, shapeshifting, supernatural elements, fluff & humor)

FOUND! the soft animal of your body by sysrae (T, 15k, WangXian, modern cultivation, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Animal Transformation, Shapeshifting, Getting Together, Confessions)

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4. I'm looking for a fic where the lan and possibly the nie fought a war with the Jiang and jin and WY was one of the Jiang commanders. The Jiang lose and WY and LZ enter into a relationship. I remember a scene where the Jiang were on trial after the war and WY noted that JC looked shocked that he's being prosecuted possibly for war crimes @maryam25

FOUND? 🔒 Crossing Paths by Ilona22 (M, 21k, wangxian, shapeshifter au, graphic depictions of violence, war between sects, war crimes, not JC friendly, happy ending)

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5. Hello, thank you for your hard work 🙏 I'm looking for a fic where Wen Qing poisons Wen Ruohan, Wen Chao, Wen Zhuliu and Wang Lingjiao with berries that induce Qi deviation. Basically everyone but Wen Xu, who is in love with his brother's wife, because WRH punished him by having her marry WC. And I think instead of assuming leadership of the Wen sect he leaves with her. That's all I can remember. Thank you so much!

FOUND? The Teenage Girl's Self-Saving System by mercyandmagic (T, 108k, WLJ/WC, WLJ/NMJ, wangxian, XiYao, XuanLi, ChengQing, OC main character, transmigration, everyone’s least fave characer gets character development!)

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6. hello! thankyou so much for you hard work. please help me find a fic that i've been looking for days now, in this fic wwx and lwj time went back to time as kids, as far as i remember they had their memories with them and both of their parents are alive in here. kid wwx told his parents to go to gusu, and when they went, he was greeted by kid lwj who remembered him and hugged him (lwj's family was shocked because their non affectionate boy was hugging someone) pls pls help me find it

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7. Hello! I was hoping you could help me find a fic, I don’t remember much of it. But i remember it took place during wei yings time in gusu in the cloud recess arc. i could be wrong on some details but from my memory it has the lans finding out about some negative aspect of wei yings life in yunmeng and the abusive treatment he dealt with. he is then welcome in cloud recesss bc they see how smart and kind he is. i remember specifically there was an oc that was a lan elder who was very un-lan like. he was very loud very much what u would expect from a character that’s similar to wei ying. he became wei yings shifu so to speak. they would invent things together. they were both known for blowing up things a lot. the lan healers mentioned once how the jiang healers definitely knew about the abuse wei ying was subjected to. and that they would be bringing up them not living up to their duties as healers at a conference or something. and that not helping wei ying in the abusive situation was a major taboo amongst all the healers and there would be repercussions for that. i think they mention that wei ying is often in the back of cloud recess where all the elders lives. like he’s just always around that general area. it’s kind of jiang bashing and then also positive/protective lans. that’s all i can remember so sorry if that’s vague i just really enjoyed reading it and can’t find it for the life of me. thanks for any help u can give me!! and as always thanks so much for all ur hard work 💕💕💕

FOUND?🔒in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, Cloud Recesses, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Developing Relationship, POV LWJ, Minor Injuries, Autistic LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aka the Madam Yu warning, Genius WWX, Light Angst And Hurt/Comfort, WWX Protection Squad, Gusu Lan Sect, Slow Burn, Protective LWJ, LWJ-centric) the eccentric lan elder that teaches wwx shows up in ch 11

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8. Hello! I'm looking for a fic in which wwx is summoned back by xue yang instead of mo xuanyu and wwx runs around pretending to be xue yang but he actually managed to change xue yang body into his own and just wear a fake face. I think Jiang yanli was summoned back too by Qin su and was the one to make xue yang summon wwx into his body

FOUND? the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, wangxian, qingli, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, slightly dark!JYL, wq lives because i said so, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, manipulative relationship (background xiyao))

~*~

9. Hey!! It's been a while. I hope all of you are doing great.

I'm looking for this fic where Wei Wuxian is in an arranged marriage with Lan Wangji and the only significant thing I remember about it is that Wei Wuxian breaks something that belonged to Lan Wangji's mother and he gets angry I think (?) Also, Wei Wuxian goes to Caiyi Town and comes back to apologize.

I'm so sorry. I know this isn't enough to go by, but this is all I recall. If you can find it, that would be great.

Thank you in advance. @poetic-writes

Hi! I'm number 9 on the latest fic finder. That fic rec is not the one I was looking for, but that fic is really good, and I'm thankful for whoever who assumed it was that particular one. As I mentioned in my ask is that Wei Wuxian breaks something that belongs to Lan Wangji and the latter is really sad and says something rude to Wei Wuxian I think on the lines of him being as bad as everyone had said and it kind of takes away the spirit entirely from Wei Wuxian and the light in his eyes dim. Thank you again.

NOT FOUND!🔒 Light of Stars (and the Destroyer) by Sanguis (T, 22k, WangXian, Legends, Arranged Marriage, Pining, Pining for your spouse, Adoption, Canon Divergence, Married Couple)

I've read number nine before but I don't remember the name! i have more details tho: lan wangji says that wei ying is as bad as jiang cheng says! wei ying locks himself in a room and cries a lot

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10. oh lovely folk- please can you help me? for the next fic finder- i’m remembering a WY sent to marry royal(i believe) LW. Madame Yu whips him before he travels to capitol. Meng Yao has suspicions and leaves him locked in a room not knowing WY is injured. does this ring a bell?

FOUND? The Bloodthirsty Prince and his Bride by moss_enthusiast (M, 27k, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending Violence, Anxiety, Royalty, Strangers to Lovers, Arranged Marriage, Self-Worth Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Whipping, Blood and Gore, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Abuse, Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Blood and Violence, Dark LWJ, Fluff, Angst and Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Shock, Anxiety Attacks) i am really unsure cause there is no Meng Yao as far as i remember, but this contains arranged marriage (where WY is sent instead of JYL ro marry prince LWJ) and highly abusive Madam Yu who whips WY a lot, and LWJ finds him hurt and passed out in the wedding bedroom after the ceremony. Recovery abd revenge included later.

FOUND?🔒The Imperial Compromise by shiroakuma (E, 61k, WIP, WangXian, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Royalty, YLLZ WWX, Concubine WWX, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Emperor LXC, everyone but LXC thinks WWX is to be his concubine, LXC Ships WangXian, Mutual Pining, Light Angst, Happy Ending, Bonding, Claiming Bites, Intersex Omegas, Intersex Alphas, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Injury Recovery, Hurt/Comfort)

~*~

11. I am back once again asking for your excellent help in finding a fic. It's an AU, where a previous emperor ordered Lan Zhan & Wei Ying to marry. Lan Zhan is an imperial official (in the tax department i think). There is a war with the Wen going on and Wei Ying is ordered off to fight. Everyone thinks WY is either dead or MIA, but when the war is won, LZ goes to oversees a prisoner exchange and finds WY who has been on a work gang in a mine all this time (with A-Yuan who he's adopted & Mo Xuanyu). I remember MianMian is the brilliant general on the winning side. You find out that LZ & WY basically fell in love right before WY got shipped off to war, so it's a happy reunion. Oh! Also, LZ writes very popular poetry under a pseudonym! Um...i remember that LZ bought WY a goat they called Amethyst because before he was disappeared WY wrote LZ expressing the wish for such a goat (LZ buys the whole herd in the end). Jiang Yanli and the Peacock are married and are the new empress and emperor. There's an epilogue or end note where the author gives info about how their life turned out - this is all in the 500s CE. As always, i can't remember the title or who the writer is, so HELP! Thank you so much!

FOUND! ❤️ Where the nightingales are singing, and a white moon beams. by Moominmammashandbag (M, 52k, wangixan, jin zixuan & lan wangji, no powers au, grief/mourning, aftermath of war, angst w/ happy ending, reunions, fluff & smut)

~*~

12. I don't know if you still help finding fics about wanxian... but just in case, I would like to ask your help... I'm looking for a fic where wei wuxian and lan wangji are divorced, I think? and that lan wangji is a doctor and wei wuxian is like a secret agent or undercover agent with wein qing and wen ning. But then wei wuxian got shot at one of his undercover missions and as he was delirius and thought he was going to die anyway, he went to his ex husband's house and lan wangji, being a doctor fixes or provided first aid to wei wuxian. Turned out that lan wangji is still in love with him and they talk... it was not finished when I read it. But it was a good story full of angst... I hope you would bw able to help me find it.thank you in advance @etutb

FOUND? empty space beside me by scarletmoontears. I have a link but it doesn't work so I'm guessing the work was removed or locked. (I think it's removed, I logged in and clicked the link but still got the error message - Mod C)

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13. Hello! I've been pulling my hair out trying to find a wangxian fic. Unfortunately, I can't remember too much about it, but I believe it's a modern/university setting. The only scene I can remember is WWX going with LWJ to visit his uncle and brother. They live rather far and on a hill. LWJ doesn't visit often, and this visit is very tense between WWX and LQR. Something about past WWX doing to LWJ, or causing LWJ to get into trouble when they were younger. Anyway, LWJ then gets angry with his uncle about the treatment directed towards WWX. I also can't remember if baby a-yuan is in this fic and present during the visit, as sometimes fics blend together. I apologize if this isn't enough to go by, but I just randomly recalled this fic, and apparently, I did not bookmark it.

FOUND? ❤️ save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae (E, 33k, wangxian, modern w magic, college/university au, fake/pretend relationship, single parent WWX, homophobia, light angst w/ happy ending, idiots to lovers, fluff)

~*~

14. Hi. Im looking for a wangxian fic, where Wuxian had openly confessed to Wangji persistently until he dies in the seige. And then when he comes back in Mo Xuanyu's body, its wangji whose doing the confessing. Wuxian is sad sometimes, I think. @thatpantasticbitch

FOUND? When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, WWX confesses early on, But canon still happens, LWJ starts confessing after, but the tables have turned, Angst with a Happy Ending, LWJ rejects WWX, Then gets rejected by WWX after, "Get Lost", Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian)

~*~

15. For fic finder, there was one specific fic - it may have been part of a series? - and I believe it was likely on the longer end, and may have involved time travel? The part I’m looking for is that in either WQ or WY’s POV, it explicitly acknowledges that wq and wy coparented LSZ while in the BM. If it helps, I solely read canon dynamics! @lovelyiknow

~*~

16. hello for fic finder im looking for a fic where jyl married wq's mom i think? it's also time travel iirc. ive tried finding it in my history but alas. id really appreciate the help, thank you!

FOUND! 死而无悔 (To Die Without Regret) series by liverbiver9 (T, 26k, JYL & WWX, JYL/OC, WN & WWX & WQ, WangXian, JYL & WN, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, JYL-centric, POV JYL, Genderqueer WWX, Trans Male Character, Kid Fic, Child WWX, Fluff and Angst, Family Feels, Found Family, WWX is a Wen technically, Demonic Cultivation, Falling In Love, Assassination Attempt(s), WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiangs, teen wangxian feature in the epilogue!, No Sunshot Campaign, No Golden Core Transfer, Everybody Lives, except for WRH and his children, mentioned minor character death, Gender Non-Conforming WWX, Trans WWX, Canonical Character Death, Time Travel Not A Fix-It, I make it kind of worse but kind of better?, YLLZ JYL, Demonic Cultivator JYL, Sect Leader JYL, Short & Sweet, Angst implied happy ending, Ambiguous/Open Ending)

~*~

17. Hi! I'm looking for a fic where wangxian is in a zombie or apocalyptic setting. Wwx gets bitted and lwj is desperate to find a cure of some kind in a hospital but in the lwj has to kill wwx of smth like that. Thanksss!

FOUND? 🔒 when the sun goes out by travelingneuritis (E, 176k, WangXian, Modern Cultivation, tech cultivation, Necromancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, insecurity around adoption, Dad!WWX, dad!lwj, Grief/Mourning, Mistaken Identity, Mood Whiplash, Body Swap, sex tears!, Falling In Love, Consensual Somnophilia, apocalypse (localized), Smut, unrealistic sexual stamina, Flashbacks, Time Skips, Illustrations)

~*~

18. Hi, I forgot to bookmark this one but I remember that Wei wuxian lived but his soul was shattered like he was a lived but he wasn't acting like himself before and eventually he starts committing suicide and lan wangji was protecting him and caring for him until he successfully kill himself, lan wangji takes care of him for 13 years(it's and happy ending) @lanwuxian0725

~*~

19. hi i was hoping u could find a fix for me i’m p sure it was like a dark!lz fic. i think he may have traveled back in time to protect wwx and stop his death. when he travels back he is in his own body as a child. and lan qiren is like freaked out by him bc lwj remembers how badly lan qiren treated wwx in the past so he’s like not rly trying to hard to seem normal or that he likes his family. but i think they take in wwx before jfm can and lan qiren in this environment rly likes wwx treats him rly well but bc lz freaks him out and is weirdly possessive of wwx lan qiren is like constantly scared for wwx and is like always keeping an eye on them. like kind of the opposite of canon he looks at lan zhen like he’s corrupting his favorite student (wwx). the whole fic lan zhan is like obsessed with wei ying in a way that is like scary to everyone else (except wwx). i don’t rly remember more then that. hopefully someone can help me out i keep thinking about this and can’t find it. i rly need to learn to bookmark things. pretty sure it was from lan zhans perspective but i could be wrong. thank u sm hope everyone’s having a good day today!! 💕

NOT FOUND A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ)

FOUND! 🔒Something is wrong with A-Zhan! by HeloSoph (M, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Sort Of, Dark LWJ, Morally Gray WWX, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiangs, WWX is a Lan, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, JC Bashing, Smitten LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Engaged WangXian, Blood and Violence, a lot of people die, LQR Metaphorically Qi-Deviates, because of, Shameless LWJ, LQR Tries, to fit into the following tag, Good Uncle LQR, Semi-Public Sex, or at least wangxian's version of it, Scheming NHS, POV NHS)

~*~

20. hi i’m trying to find a fic i read once where wwx stays in all the different sects for like a season or something on behalf of his sect to prove he isn’t like a danger to the cultivation world. it may have been multiple chapters but he goes to all of them and helps in various ways. i believe it was after the war in his first life. back when everyone was scared of him. sorry if that’s not enough info i can’t remember anything else tbh thanks for ur help 🥺

FOUND? Field Trips with Wei Wuxian by antebunny (G, 42k, WangXian, WQ & WWX, NMJ & WWX, JZX & WWX, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Found Family, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, protective Jiang siblings, Unreliable Narrator, due to WWX assuming ppl hate him, JYL is gonna dropkick her baby bro into having friends)

FOUND? The "Patriarch" Was Supposed to be Ironic (or, Wei Wuxian, Chief Cultivator) by groignequi (E, 51k, WangXian, JC & WWX & JYL, JC/NHS/WQ, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, jiang friendly, Not Everyone Dies, Really Most People Live (Except JGS), Chief Cultivator WWX, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Consensual Non-Consent, sort of (at a canon-typical wangxian level), Dom/sub Undertones, Protective Siblings, Nonbinary NHS, POV Multiple)

~*~

[anantaru]

— they‘re reading thirst tweets (celebrity au!)

including alhaitham, kazuha, scaramouche, venti x gn! reader

— ꒰ a/n ꒱ — i wrote this after watching the jackson wang and wonho thirst tweets video

— ꒰ genre ꒱ — crack, modern au!, celebrity au!

— alhaitham

the cameras change focus, lights on, 3.. 2.. 1..

in unlimited disbelief, alhaitham delicately held onto the little card he received from the camera crew— which was currently overlooking the interview he was in, as he attentively read through the letters on the paper with a careful uttering.

from @/milkboobielover69:

"i want alhaitham to suffocate me with his huge humongous tits."

at his words, the team of the late night segment— that was hosting the little shift, began to loudly permeate the room with their contagious laughs while alhaitham made severe attempts to cease his upcoming, flustered smirk.

"wow, this is turning into quite an occasion." he speaks in a monotone voice while his porcelain skin was saturated with a brilliant shade of red.

while his conveyance remained as usual, his instinctive body reactions had exposed him to the lens directly pointing at his face.

"i assume you don't mind if i question your username?"

he's facing the camera with his infamous, habitual smile, a brow lightly raised to further gather his thoughts, "it is quite, interesting, if you ask me."

frankly, at first, alhaitham couldn't believe he even agreed to do this, in his words, 'redundant arrangement'.

or that his manager put out said proposal in the first place— yet he acknowledged that it was altogether gravely important to embrace and further strengthen the connection he had built with his fanbase.

"are you all like this?" he asked, wholly amused, "because it is crucial for me to know before we execute that little plan of yours."

with a wink he ends his sentence, his eyes pointing straight to the main camera before playfully shaking his head— as to try to get rid of his flustered cheeks, gathering the next question soon after.

— kazuha

hello everyone, you may recognize me as kazuha from 6reeze and I'll be reading your thirst tweets tonight!

with an authentic greet towards the flashy cameras, kazuha decided to get on with his current performance right away, seeing this particular meeting as nothing more than an exchange of dialogue to further intensify his public relations.

"perhaps i should start with this one."

kazuha was excitingly leaving his pretty eyes roam over the little smartphone he held in his palm, gently scrolling over the numerous tweets the late night staff had specifically hand picked out for him.

from @/peepeeconnoisseur:

"kazuha gives serious hidden dom energy and i want him to ruin me."

at the tip of his issuing, he so soon had began to snicker into the transitioning lens, hiding his growing embarrassment with his hand and dramatically pressing it on top of his face to cover his eyes.

"compared to what i have encountered before-" he rapidly cut himself off, eyes widened in his own foolishness— the last he’d wish now was to accidentally air something personal out.

lightheartedly, kazuha carried on to rub his blurry eyes, in a powerless aim to cover his dazed look and tracks.

the fact that thousands of people were currently watching this right now didn't make it any easier nor turned the task somehow into simplicity, but to keep himself mustered and well collected was one of the very utensils he had been practicing on his entire career.

to have himself speak clearly he was coughing out, setting his attention back down to the phone in his hand, "i must admit, this is really quite tame."

the unexpected blows of laughs and convulsing titters packed the room with a genuine, hilarious response as one of the many staff members spoke out in a saddened voice.

"man, i really thought i'd get you with that one." the woman was crossing her arms around her body and frowned.

"if it was one of my band members i'm certain you would've stirred them off their footing." - "though some you might've flattered even."

the assurance was enough for him to almost completely forget the tweet he had read a couple moments ago.

though after the room went quiet again, kazuha decided to express himself on the topic just one last time, peering up to be to the core set in frame by the several cameras.

"all i have to add is that i am a man of hardly any words, i prefer to show off my skills instead."

— scaramouche

"you better not hold back with whatever we're doing here or you're wasting my precious time." ...

... "not my fans though, they're all important to me or whatever."

the blows and beats of irksome cameras and ring lights being shoved left and right towards their designated area had rigorously bothered scaramouche, who was, at present, situated on a cozy white chair with a couple cards in his hands, lazily leaning onto the armrest.

3.. 2.. 1..

... we're beginning now, massive apologies for the delay ... take one!

hello *rolls his eyes* i'm scaramouche from 6reeze and I'm forced to read your thirst tweets tonight ...

... you better have something good in store for me or I'll have to punish you in some unknown way.

instantaneously, scaramouche broke out of his established, not to mention unduly recognized, personality as he approached a quite nicer (in his own way) outlook for the cameras piloting on him.

after all, he was very much aware of how exasperating the media could turn out whenever he wouldn't control his disinterest in maintaining his public persona.

besides, the last setting he‘d need is for his band member kazuha to lecture him about the whole engage and its significant importance.

from @/http_scaranuts:

"i want scara to fucking spit in my mouth."

the way his body responded on its own was hysterically funny, "why would you want that?" in spite of the fact that he faked his disgust, his guise was revealing a different story.

his sides were splitting into an entertained smirk and not even seeking any effort whatsoever to hide his pleased smile.

he was engaging, almost hypnotizing, and managed to plant a significant impression onto many, which is what his fans idolized about him the utmost.

how downright blunt he was at times, mixed with a bewitching sweetness, a blazing firestorm that was able turn the whole music industry upside down.

scaramouche delightfully clicked his tongue— terrifically composed with an unchanging face.

"i'm barely two sentences into this and you already want me to spit on you."

with a little gesture, he finely brushed his hair strands back that were unkemptly falling all over his face, "how amusing."

"ultimately i'm going to give you a pass for the distasteful username though." he's innocently fluttering his eyelashes before blowing a quick kiss at the cameras, "so so sorry."

thus, scaramouche was carelessly flinging the little card back and tossing it onto the floor, already skimming through the next tweet.

— venti

the video established itself as the camera slowly shifted their focus on venti who was currently sitting in front of a white background, a couple stickers in his hands that had the late night logo inprinted on top of it.

"i didn‘t think anyone would write thirst tweets about me."

he‘s joking and setting up a pseudo guiltless attitude, as if he didn’t see a couple of those while curiously scanning through his notifications the other day.

but, well, to keep his performance going, he playfully waved at the camera and began to regret the fact that he had washed the rational thinking parts of his brain away with alcohol earlier.

venti always appeared wildly comfortable around the large screens and bright flashes of the studio room— essentially he was also known as one of the most talented as well as best performers of his entire group.

.. but maybe it was also due to the fact that he was mostly drunk, yet obviously not exposing it to his fans.

his eyes were now, a tone lower, when he glowered into the first of many cards, without further ado vividly brawling to keep his own poker face.

from @/l3t_thewindlead_thisp3nis:

"(i am not okay) if venti needs a stress reliever i volunteer as tribute."

subsidiary after prattling it out, venti narrowed his eyes towards the screen with a concerned look on his face before ultimately concealing his expression with the little card.

".. a stress reliever?" he asks, bluntly, before setting off the whole room to infectiously laugh.

venti himself nearly erupted into tears from how hard he’d been chuckling at the tweet.

"tsk tsk tsk." he‘s shaking his head with a sigh— as if he was disappointed, and carrying on with his high spirited words.

"a shame, i really thought you would elaborate on that a bit more."

giggling at his own remarks he instantaneously got reminded (by a staff member) to keep it as family friendly as attainable as to not suffer the brutish fate of his manager scolding him afterwards.

the cameras cut and set on a different frame, recording back again.

perhaps it wasn‘t the most brilliant idea to have venti go into this without a single form of preparation— nor a script he could base his answers on.

though beyond anything, he was a natural ar this and managed to engage the viewers with his quite peculiar charms.

"i‘ll leave that for now but i‘m coming back to you later."

©2023 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate

[accio-victuuri]

HAPPY 27th BIRTHDAY WANG YIBO 👑 !!!!

What a year this was for our Bobo, before crossing into 27 we saw him go through so many things and i’m proud to see him rise above it all with grace. We met Chen Shuo, Yang Zhen and Wei Ruolai. Each characters showing his strength as an actor and how versatile he is. Allowed fans to see him and interact with the Yibo they only see on screen. With the films, he has established himself as a stable actor who can pull in box office numbers and still deliver quality. Wei Ruolai, truly introduced him to a new set of audience and fans and proved that he is someone that the industry should watch out for in terms of talent. No matter the drama that came after, what i’m thankful for is that no one can take away how much this role showcased what he is capable of. if there is anything we know of WYB, absolutely no one can question his acting skills anymore. We saw him dance for the Asian Games, combining both modern and ancient — later on, we found out that WYB himself pulled in resources to make the promotions work.

He went to different parts of the world to promote his partnerships with Chanel, Lacoste and Loewe ; establishing himself as an international influence. He attended various events towards the end of the year and wowed us with his presence — picking up awards, the most important one being nominated for a Golden Rooster Award. He gave is 2 amazing songs : Bystander & Everything is lovely, which showed his versatility as an artist. Amazing magazine covers. Valuable partnerships with brands. Excellent stage performances — special mention to his SDC hiphop stage.

A definite highlight would have to be him being an Olympic Torchbearer, bringing pride to his fans and his country. Finishing the filming of Mermaid/Intercross, Doing the Pangolin Documentary, Starring in a discovery channel documentary, racing cars, learning to play tennis and whatever else that he does that we don’t know. There is really no stopping him. Despite the noises bringing him down, in true wang yibo style, he will always shut them all up once his projects are out.

He deserves every bit of recognition he is getting and i can only hope that in the next couple of years — more people will see the side of Wang Yibo that we all love. I’m so grateful to be celebrating yet another year of life with WYB, and i shall remain for as long as I can. it’s tripping me up so much how fast time has gone by that he is already 27. But one thing is for sure, he is still the same WYB. He is still that sweet, earnest and hardworking yibo we have come to know.

Yibo, my only wish is that you can continue to do the things you love and try whatever it is that takes your interest — Also that you remain healthy & energetic. This world is so much better with you in it. ✨✨✨

[city-of-ladies]

Women warriors in Chinese history - Part 2

(Part 1)

"However, court confessions, unofficial histories, and local gazetteers do reveal a host of women warriors during the Qing dynasty when patriarchal structures were supposedly most influential. Women in marginal groups were apparently not as observant of mainstream societal gender rules. Daughters and wives of “peasant rebels,” that is, autonomous or bandit stockades, were frequently skilled warriors. Miss Cai 蔡†(Ts’ai) of the Nian (Nien) “army,” for example, “fought better than a man, and she was especially fine on horseback. She was always at the front line, fighting fearlessly despite the large number of government troops.” According to a folktale, she managed to rout an invading government force of several thousand with a hundred men and one cannonball after her husband led most of the Nian off to forage for food.

Related to the female bandits were the women pirates among whom Zheng I Sao 鄭一嫂†(literally, Wife of Zheng I; 1775–1844) is the best researched. “A former prostitute … Cheng [Zheng] I Sao could truly be called the real ‘Dragon Lady’ of the South China Sea.” Consolidating her authority swiftly after the death of her husband, “she was able to win so much support that the pirates openly acclaimed her as the one person capable of holding the confederation together. As its leader she demonstrated her ability to take command by issuing orders, planning military campaigns, and proving that there were profits to be made in piracy. When the time came to dismantle the confederation, it was her negotiating skills above all that allowed her followers to cross the bridge from outlawry to officialdom.”

We know slightly more about some of the women warriors involved in sectarian revolts. Folk stories passed down orally are one of the sources. Tales that proliferated in northern Sichuan on the battle exploits of cult rebels of the White Lotus Religion uprising in Sichuan, Hunan, and Shaanxi beginning in the late eighteenth century glorify several women warriors. The tall and beautiful Big Feet Lan (Lan Dazhu 籃大足) and the smart and skillful Big Feet Xie (Xie Dazhu 謝大足) vanquished a stockade together; the young and attractive Woman He 何氏 could kill within a hundred feet by throwing daggers from horseback. The absence of bound feet in Big Feet Lan and Big Feet Xie suggests their backgrounds were either very poor, unconventional, or non-Han.

Sectarian groups accepted female membership readily, and many of these women trained in the martial arts. Qiu Ersao 邱二嫂†(ca. 1822–53), leader of a Heaven and Earth Society (Tiandihui 天地會) uprising in Guangxi, joined the sect because of poverty and perfected herself in the martial arts. Some women came to the sects with skills. Su Sanniang 蘇三娘, rebel leader of another sect of the Heaven and Earth Society, was the daughter of a martial arts instructor.  Such sectarian rebel bands are frequently regarded as bandit groups. A history of the Taiping Revolutionary Movement refers to these two cult leaders as female bandit chiefs before they joined the Taipings.

Male leaders of religious rebellions frequently married women from families skilled in acrobatic, martial, and magic arts. These women tended to be both beautiful and charismatic. Wang Lun 王倫, who rebelled in 1774 in Shandong, had an “adopted daughter in name, mistress in fact,” by the name of Wu Sanniang 烏三娘 who was one of Wang’s most powerful warriors. Originally an itinerant performer highly skilled in boxing, tightrope walking, and acrobatics, she terrified the enemy with spellbinding magic. She brought a dozen associates from her old life to the sect, and they all became fearsome warriors known as “female immortals” (xiannü 仙女); three of them, including Wu Sanniang, lived with Wang Lun as “adopted wives” (ifu 義婦). A tall, white-haired woman at least sixty years old, possibly the mother of one of these acrobat-turned women warriors, wielded one sword with ease and two almost as effortlessly. Dressed in yellow astride a horse, hair loose and flying, she was feared as much for her sorcery as for her military skills. Her presence indicates that some of the women came from female-dominated itinerant performing families. Woman Zhang 張氏and Woman Zhao 趙氏, wives of Lin Zhe 林哲, another leader of the cult, were also known for being able to brandish a pair of broadswords on horseback.

Hong Xuanjiao 洪宣嬌†(mid nineteenth century), also known as Queen Xiao (xiaohou 蕭后), wife of the West King of the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom (taiping tianguo 太平天國), was so stunningly beautiful and impressive in swordsmanship that she mesmerized the entire army during battles. The link between early immortality beliefs and shamanism also suggests that these women warrior “immortals” of sectarian cults may represent surviving relics of the female shamans who occupied high positions during high antiquity.

During the White Lotus Religion rebellion in Sichuan, Hunan, and Shaanxi beginning in 1796, five of the generals were at once leaders and wives of other leaders of the cult. They were Woman Qi née Wang (Qiwangshi 齊王氏; Wang Cong’er 王聰兒), Woman Zhang née Wang (Zhangwangshi 張王氏), Woman Xu née Li (Xulishi 徐李氏), Woman Fan née Zhang (Fanzhangshi 范張氏), and Woman Wang 王†née Li 李 (Wanglishi 王李氏). In the Heavenly Principle Religion (tianlijiao 天理教) rebellion that began in Beijing during 1713, the wife of its leader, Li Wencheng 李文成, led three invasions into the city. There was even a “Female Army” (niangzijun 娘子軍) within the Eight Trigrams (baguajiao 八卦教) uprising in Shandong during the Daoguang 道光† reign (1821��51). The female generals, Cheng Sijie 程四姐†and Yang Wujie 楊五姐, were particularly impressive when they wove among enemy forces in the style of “butterflies flitting among flowers,” wielding broadswords on horseback, their hairpins glittering in the light.

A number of female rebel leaders used religion and magic to buttress their power. Many claimed to be celestials and were leaders of sectarian cults (...). Chen Shuozhen 陳碩貞†(?–653) mobilized a peasants’ uprising by declaring that she had ascended to heaven and become an immortal. Tang Sai’er (ca.1403–20), a head of the White Lotus Religion (bailianjiao 白蓮教), designated herself as a “Buddhist Mother” (fuomu 佛母). The spellbinding old woman warrior in Wang Lun’s Clear Water Religion (qingshuijiao 清水教) sect was known to the rebel community as a reincarnation of the highest White Lotus deity, the Eternal Venerable Mother (wusheng laomu 無生老母). Wang Lun relied on her for performing magic and the rituals for calling on their supreme deity. Woman Wang née Liu (wangliushi 王劉氏), one of the numerous female leaders of the White Lotus Religion revolt, also titled herself the Eternal Venerable Mother. Wang Cong’er (1777–98), originally an itinerant entertainer, became the commander in chief of the rebel army she launched with her husband, a master in the White Lotus Religion.

Indeed, itinerant performers such as Wu Sanniang mentioned above were frequently trained in the martial arts since childhood and must have been skilled at performing magic tricks as well. Lin Hei’er 林黑兒†(?–1900), leader of Red Lanterns (hongdengzhao 紅燈照), the young women’s branch of the Boxer’s Movement (yihetuan 義和團), was also originally an itinerant entertainer (her husband was a boatman). Designating herself the Holy Mother of the Yellow Lotus (huanglian shengmu 黃蓮聖母), she taught her followers the skills of wielding swords and waving fans as well as magic to defeat their enemies.  Wang Nangxian 王囊仙†(literally, Goddess Nang, 1778–97), an ethnic minority of the Miao tribe, was worshipped as a goddess by her tribesmen before she led them in revolt against the Chinese government."

Chinese shadow theatre: history, popular religion, and women warriors, Fan Pen Li Chen

[seungkwansphd]

just deserts

pairing: wonwoo x minghao x fem reader word count: 4.9k synopsis: when wonwoo and minghao invited you to this fancy business event, it hadn't really crossed your mind that they'd be busy working instead of entertaining you! perhaps you can find someone else to keep you busy, but those who misbehave always get their just deserts. themes/cw: SMUT! mdni!, threesome, established poly, BDSM elements, brat-ish vibes, toy usage, rough sex, power dynamic, degradation kink, spitting(once), cumplay(kinda?).

a/n: idk friends, the horny thoughts just keep coming. baby's first 3some fic! i think i got everything for content warnings, but do lmk if i missed anything! also TYSM to @playmetheclassics for beta-ing and making me this BEAUTIFUL banner (via @classicscreations) i appreciate you so much!

“Hao I’m bored,” you pouted, tugging at Minghao’s necktie as you looked up at him.

“Bored? Or needy?” He glanced down at you, clocking your true intentions immediately.

“Both,” your lips curled up at him playfully. “Do you and Wonwoo have to do so much networking tonight?”

“You already know the answer to that,” he replied. He was trying to be stern, but you knew that Minghao typically had a softer spot for you than Wonwoo.

“I should’ve just stayed home,” you grumbled. “At least at home I wouldn’t be wearing such uncomfortable heels and I could have fun by myself,” you whispered suggestively at Hao, fingertips tracing down the edge of his lapel mischievously.

“Oh?” he raised an eyebrow, lips quirking up with interest. Your teasing words forced him to recall the last time he’d watched you pleasure yourself and he found himself effectively distracted.

“Quit it,” Wonwoo appeared behind you, whispering discreetly in your ear. He’d been watching you and Minghao from across the room and could tell that Hao was close to folding.

“Quit what?” you asked, feigning innocence, blinking up at Wonwoo with wide eyes.

“You know what,” he hissed, tugging harshly at one of the ties on your dress. “Hao, you need to go talk to the president of the bank.”

Minghao stood up straight and cleared his throat. Wonwoo was right, some clear objectives needed to be met tonight. He downed the rest of the drink and made his way towards the president, leaving you and Wonwoo alone. You were disappointed when Wonwoo’s eyes caught another potential investor’s and he left you just as swiftly.

You sulked. When Wonwoo and Hao had originally asked if you’d wanted to attend, the idea of getting dolled up to attend this fancy event had appealed to you. Still, you hadn’t realized just how much business they both intended to do! You’d spent the last few hours mostly by yourself and your feet absolutely throbbed with pain, so you were in a bad mood to say the least. 

Well, if Minghao and Wonwoo weren’t going to pay attention to you, you were sure you could find someone else who would.

“Oh, Dylan?” you smiled happily as you caught sight of a young investor that you had met a few months ago.

“Oh, YN? I didn’t know you’d be here tonight!” the handsome young gentleman smiled, pulling you in for a quick hug.

“I didn’t know you’d be here either!” your eyes sparkled at him, squeezing him back maybe just a tad too enthusiastically. “How have you been?”

“Good, very good actually,” he answered after some thought. “Are you tied up? If not, let’s grab a drink to catch up.”

“Not at all,” you smiled back genially. “Let’s do it!” You placed your hand into his and allowed him to lead you towards the bar. Wonwoo and Minghao’s relationship with Dylan was interesting and complicated. As an investor of many businesses, he was somehow both a prospect and a competitor at the same time. While they often found themselves competing with businesses that he held a stake in, they would also more than welcome investment from him. As always, you were acting in a way that you knew would irritate them, but wouldn’t completely piss them off.

Minghao’s eyes flitted to you from across the room. Dylan Wang wasn’t on the list of marks for the evening, but certainly would’ve been a ‘nice to have’. He and Wonwoo did their best to stay engaged in their respective conversations, but every simpering giggle that fell from your lips caused their ears to prick towards you. Their eyes met, communicating silently. They finished their respective schmoozing and moved to intercept you.

“Oh, Hao!” your eyes lit up as you saw him first. “Dylan, you remember my colleague, Minghao?” you beamed at Dylan as you gestured towards Hao.

“Of course,” Dylan nodded at the other man.

“It’s good to see you again,” Minghao greeted him stiffly, almost physically fighting the urge to stare daggers at the hand draped around your waist.

“Actually, if you have a moment, I’d love to pick your brain,” Hao finally came up with an excuse, prying Dylan from your side. At the same time, Wonwoo materialized behind you and pulled you behind a heavily foliaged fiddle leaf fig.

“Care to explain yourself?” He asked, peering at you down the line of his nose.

“About?” you asked, as if clueless. Wonwoo’s eyebrows twitched with irritation before he replied.

“A little bit of attention and he can put his hands on you? Are you that easy?” he sneered. His eyes flicked over you in a way that triggered a warmth to spread across your cheeks.

Your brows furrowed and you opened your mouth, but were cut off before you could retort.

“I know you’re bored, but if you don’t get a hold of yourself, you’ll have something else to worry about,” he hissed in your ear, gripping your hips tightly.

Your brow wrinkled with confusion, so Wonwoo went on to elaborate.

“You are dangerously close to getting bent over and railed right here. If you’re that desperate we can ruin this whole event. I’m almost past caring at this point.”

The words were menacing and sent a chill down your spine. Part of you thought that Wonwoo was above his baser urges and wouldn’t undo months of planning just to punish you, but the other part of you had seen this man at his most unhinged and you thought perhaps he just might.

“It’s so boring though,” you frowned. You could feel Wonwoo’s poor mood rolling off of him.

“Then go home,” he spoke through his teeth. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick message.

“Car’s coming.”

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes, stomping  off towards the coat check.

“Be ready when we get home,” he caught your wrist, voice so low you could barely hear it. “And don’t think it’s worth your while to get a head start.”

You swallowed, eyes narrowing at him before you tried to step away. Wonwoo’s fingers bit into you, a warning, and you nodded before you slipped out of his grip and worked towards the car. Your lips curled up into a smile once you were out of his line of sight. If you played your cards right, you might get what you wanted.

…

Wonwoo ran his right hand over his face as he looked at the phone in his left hand. He’d thought that sending you home would be enough to make you behave, but that didn’t seem to be the case. He scrolled through the pictures and texts that he had had to silence and his blood boiled.

“She’s in for it, isn’t she?” Minghao chuckled, throwing his partner a wry look.

“What do you think?” Wonwoo almost snapped.

“Don’t get mad at me, I’m not the one being a brat,” Hao threw his hands up in defense.

“No, but you encourage her,” Woo accused. Generally he enjoyed the dynamic nature of your relationship, but it really would’ve been easier tonight if you had just been good.

“Shall we take bets on whether she managed to wait?” Hao chuckled.

“I sincerely doubt it,” Wonwoo rolled his eyes with a snicker, “She was so needy. I bet she’s a mess already.”

“I guess I’ll have to have a little faith then,” Minghao laughed, leaning forward to shake Wonwoo’s hand.

You huffed as you scrolled through your phone, disappointed but not surprised that neither Minghao nor Wonwoo had responded to your many lewd texts. You had graced them with a play by play of your various states of undress as you’d slipped out of your gown and you’d expected at least one text back, but they both seemed to be playing hardball tonight.

Your ears pricked to attention as you heard them return. First, the scraping of the key in the door was followed by a series of footsteps, but you were surprised when you heard them stop. You couldn’t see it, but Wonwoo and Minghao were discussing the approach they planned to take, which had the added bonus of making you wait. Eventually, their footfalls resumed and they entered your room, the stern expressions on their faces sending a chill down your spine.

“Hi,” you greeted them. Your voice sounded small, even to yourself.

“I guess I was wrong, Hao,” Wonwoo sneered, barely even looking at you, “She was able to control herself.”

“I guess so,” Minghao chuckled, hands in his pockets. “I’ll owe you.”

“Did you take bets on me?” your brow wrinkled as you pieced things together. You were both offended and excited.

“And if we did?” Wonwoo looked down his nose at you, one eyebrow raised. When you couldn’t formulate a response his lips curled up into a smirk. 

“That’s what I thought.”

Even though you grew weak when Wonwoo treated you this way, you couldn't help the reflexive way your temper flared. Glaring at him, you crossed your arms over your chest stubbornly.

“Great, you’re home. Now good night,” you scrunched your nose at him, laying back down and pulling the covers over yourself. Minghao was amused at this behavior and he complied easily when Wonwoo gestured for him to go to you.

“Good night?” Hao cooed, sitting next to you on the bed, running his fingertips across your exposed shoulder. “After all that teasing, you’re just going to go to bed?”

“You guys are boring anyways,” you glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, but you shifted slightly so that you were facing him more.

“There’s my pretty girl,” Hao smiled down at you, trailing his fingers up your neck to cup your chin and rub the pad of his thumb against your lower lip. You hummed, preening under his praise.

“You looked so good tonight, it was hard to keep my hands off you,” he continued to shower you with compliments as Wonwoo wandered towards the dresser and pulled the top drawer open.

“Pfft,” you rolled your eyes at Hao.

Wonwoo’s expression ticked at this behavior. You’d been riding the line with your poor behavior all night and this pushed him over the edge.

“Out of bed, now,” his deep voice rang out tersely. You looked at him with surprise and his expression sent a shiver down your spine.

You swallowed loudly, pulse quickening as you swung your legs over the edge of the bed. The edge that you could hear in Wonwoo’s voice made you wonder if you had pushed too hard.

“Come here,” he instructed, back still facing you as he perused the contents of the drawer. You glanced at Minghao nervously before stepping towards Wonwoo, looking at his broad back until he turned to face you. His tongue swiped across his teeth as he took in your pajama set with distaste. 

“Get out of this,” were the last words he spoke before he tossed a bundle of shibari rope at Minghao and pulled an app-controlled vibrator out of the drawer.

Minghao started undoing the rope from its storage tie and looked towards Wonwoo for guidance on how he wanted you tonight. After ensuring that the toy was connected to his phone, Wonwoo brought himself toe to toe with you, pulling your chin up harshly to meet his gaze.

“Color?” he asked. His tone was cold, but you could see a hint of softness in his eyes if you squinted.

“Green.”

“Limits?”

“Same as usual,” you blinked up at him.

Wonwoo nodded before shifting slightly to position your arms behind you so that Minghao could tie you up. He folded your forearms together so that each hand held the opposite elbow and you enjoyed the slight stretch that you felt through your shoulders. Your skin broke out in goosebumps as Hao started binding you. His fingertips trailed across your skin teasingly as he snaked rope around you, snapping it against your skin tautly every so often for impact. Your arms were effectively immobilized and the rope created a harness around your chest. Hao slipped two fingers into each of your hands and you gripped them tightly, completing his check to ensure he hadn’t cut off your circulation.

“Knees,” Wonwoo demanded as he rolled his shirtsleeves up to his elbows. He smirked as you dropped for him, struggling for a moment to keep your balance as you didn’t have your arms to help right you. His eyes burned into you as he pulled at his tie, loosening it before he approached. Your nipples puckered being in this vulnerable position as adrenaline rushed through you.

“You look so good like this,” Hao cupped your cheek in his hand as he stood behind you. “On your knees for us.”

“Hn,” you giggled, looking up at him sweetly as his thumb grazed your lips. You opened your mouth, sucking his thumb into your wet hole.

“Look at you. You’ll put your mouth on anything, won’t you?” Wonwoo sneered, eyes trained on the shape your lips made around Minghao’s digit. He allowed it to go on for a few more moments before he snaked a hand into your hair, pulling you back. You gasped in surprise and Wonwoo seized the opportunity to pop the remote controlled vibe into your mouth. 

“Hold this for me,” he chuckled sarcastically. You narrowed your eyes at him, but whatever retort you could have come up with was effectively muzzled.

Hao patted you on the head before undoing his tie and rolling up his sleeves. He sank to his knees behind you, checking your grip before using his hands to torture you. Wonwoo watched as Hao’s fingertips traced along his bindings, brushed along the undersides of your breasts, and gripped tightly, as if trying to bruise you. Then with his left hand, you traced along your inner thighs until he met the slick dripping out of you.

“Absolutely fucking soaked,” he snickered as he nipped at your collarbone sharply. “Pathetic.”

You let out a desperate, muffled sound, forgetting that Wonwoo’s toy was still in your mouth.

“Shall I?” Minghao’s eyes flitted up to the older man’s.

“Yes, can’t have her leaking all over the place, after all,” Wonwoo nodded after blinking slowly.

Hao chuckled as he plucked the toy from your mouth, reaching between your legs, and sliding it into you, nice and snug. Your arousal provided more than sufficient lubrication and you felt yourself being filled until the base sat securely against your clit. Your hips jerked slightly at this new sensation, arching back against his broad chest.

You clenched around the toy and watched Wonwoo play with his phone lazily. He didn’t even bother to look at you as you turned it on, setting it abuzz at a medium setting.

“Oh!” you whimpered pathetically, jumping slightly. Minghao’s grip on your rope harness, however, held you firmly in place as you soaked the toy lodged deep inside of you. You squirmed and twisted as Wonwoo increased the speed. 

“Wonwoo!” you pleaded with him fruitlessly.

“Hao,” Wonwoo’s eyebrows jerked up slightly and Minghao nodded, reaching forward to press his palm against the base of the toy. You jerked again, desperate for relief, but Hao’s grip on your harness was ironclad.

“Hao!” you cried, tears welling in your eyes as his right hand pressed against you, grinding the buzzing toy cruelly against your sopping wet, swollen clit. You let out a mangled scream as your first orgasm ripped through you, your head falling back against Hao’s shoulder, chest heaving beautifully for Wonwoo to witness.

“One more,” Hao whispered in your ear as he kept the toy pressed against you, working you through another orgasm until you were gasping wildly for breath.

“I fucking hate you two,” you cursed between inhale and exhale, body heavy as you tried to gather yourself.

“You keep running your mouth like that and I’ll leave you tied up on the floor with the toy on all night,” Wonwoo’s eyes flashed dangerously at you. Your lips pressed into a straight line before you could say anything else.

“That’s better,” Wonwoo scoffed, squatting down in front of you, jerking you up by Hao’s ties to meet him. “Open.”

Your breath hitched as you opened your mouth, already anticipating his next move. Wonwoo’s expression was a mixture of appreciation and disdain when he sent a glob of saliva flying into your mouth. You let out the tiniest of whimpers when it landed at the back of your tongue. You hated and loved how well he knew you.

“You might as well put your mouth to use,” Wonwoo stood, gesturing towards Minghao as he walked away.

You turned to Minghao with a playful grin, licking your lips with anticipation. Minghao’s lips curled up into a smile, but he surprised you when he moved away from you, instead electing to sit in a chair across the room. He leaned back, legs spread as he palmed himself through the front of his pants. When you didn’t move, he looked up, eyes hooded, and summoned you towards him with two fingers.

You threw him a look. He really expected you to get to him on your knees like this?

“Come,” he coaxed, voice deceptively like honey as he palmed himself through his slacks.

You struggled a little, but eventually managed to balance on your knees and shuffle towards him. For a moment you contemplated rather you’d prefer being unbound, as crawling would be less difficult, though maybe more humiliating. By the time you had managed to wedge yourself between his legs, your arousal had dripped practically down to your knees.

“That’s our good girl,” Wonwoo settled in behind you, placing his fingers into your hands for another safety check. “Now show him what that filthy mouth is good for,” he grinned. “Don’t forget to use your physical cues on me if you need.”

You nodded, smiling gratefully before leaning forward to drag your lips across Minghao’s erection. You nibbled along the underside of it until you reached the tip and pulled him into your mouth. You hummed contentedly when you heard him hiss with pleasure. Minghao always made such nice sounds. Being restrained posed a bit of an extra challenge, but you managed to find a position where you were comfortable enough to bob your head up and down his length, breath catching every so often when his tip hit the back of your throat.

“So sloppy,” Minghao exhaled, puncturing the quiet as his abs contracted and twitched.

Wonwoo gripped your hips, grinding himself against your ass as he watched with admiration. You were going to leave a stain on his slacks, but that only served to egg him on more. Something in Wonwoo snapped as he watched you moan around Minghao’s cock and his thrusts grew sharper and more desperate. Digging his fingertips into your hips, he pulled you back, jerking Minghao out of your mouth. You cried out loudly as Wonwoo ground himself against the toy still firmly lodged inside of you.

“Wonwoo,” you wailed.“Please!”

“Oh?” he cooed, deceptively sweet, in your ear. “Gonna cum again? Cum for me?”

“Yes, Woo,” you nodded desperately.

“Go ahead,” he ordered, hand now fisted around one of the shibari ropes around your back. His hips pumped against you mercilessly and you came with a fluttery wail, tears leaking from the corners of your eyes.

“Do you want your arms back?” Wonwoo murmured against the top of your head as he supported you.

“Yes,” you nodded.

“Hao,” Wonwoo jerked his head towards you and Minghao quickly set upon untying you. You smiled at him gratefully as he supported your upper body, rubbing your shoulders gently where he knew you’d be stiff.

“I do enjoy seeing you marked up like this,” Wonwoo raised an eyebrow as he counted the indents that the rope had left on your skin as he pulled you to your feet.

You turned to reach for him, eager at his praise. You were completely surprised when he caught you by the side of the face and held you away at arm’s length.

“Wha-?” you mumbled against his palm.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Wonwoo asked, tone cold.

“Oh, I just-,” you stuttered, “I thought-...” you trailed off. Now that you tried to put it into words, you didn’t know what you’d been thinking.

“Now we all know that thinking isn’t your strong suit, kitten. Do you really think that after all your bad behavior today, you’re going to get a sweet little kiss?” he sneered at you.

“Not when you put it like that,” you pouted.

“So desperate for attention that you were even willing to let Dylan Wang put his hands on you,” Minghao appeared behind you, hand sliding over your hip possessively. “Did you forget who you belong to?”

“No, I-,” your craned your head, eyes searching him out.

“Laughing like a simpering little twit at his bad jokes, hanging off his arm,” Wonwoo seethed, pulling your attention back to him. They were giving you whiplash.

“I-,” you struggled to think. Your knees threatened to buckle, but Wonwoo and Minghao had closed in on you and their torsos sandwiched you firmly upright.

“Tell us who you belong to, doll,” Hao’s lips nipped at your ear. The warm, wet whisper of breath made you dizzy and even though you knew the answer, you truly floundered as you tried to say it.

“Jeon Wonwoo! Xu Minghao!”

Both men cracked into a smile.

“Very good. Now shall we get some sleep? It’s been a long day,” Wonwoo teased.

“No!” you were surprised at the urgency with which your objection came out.

“Oh? So what is it that you want?” Wonwoo’s eyes raked over you.

“You know what I want,” you glared at him.

“I do. But I want you to use your words,” he patted your cheek condescendingly.

“I need you two to fuck me,” you answered, well past shameless at this point. You needed them and you’d do almost anything to get it.

“You won’t even be satisfied by one cock?” Hao laughed.

“Please, I’ve been go-,” you started to make your case, but you realized you didn’t have one. “Well, I’ve been waiting all night. Please.”

Wonwoo and Minghao both let out hearty laughs at your self-correction. Even if you weren’t always good, you’d always been honest, even to a fault.

“You have been waiting all night,” Wonwoo’s expression softened. “I suppose you can have what you want.”

“Really?” your eyes lit up.

They practically carried you to the bed, tossing you carelessly onto it. You watched, eyes glistening, as they undressed. Your thighs pressed together and you were surprised. With all of their teasing and torture, you’d completely forgotten that the toy was still inside of you. Wonwoo noticed at the same time that you did and he reached forward, plucking it from between your legs. He surprised you when he licked it, noting how you’d soaked it completely.

“Tasty,” he grinned, eyeing you hungrily as he set it aside.

You balked, ducking your head and flushing with disbelief. Hao chuckled at how you got shy before he slid his hands up your thighs and pushed your legs apart. His cock landed against your wet folds a few times as he teased you.

“Wow, completely drenched,” he groaned appreciatively as he watched your arousal coat his shaft. You squirmed, pushing your hips up towards him desperately. You needed more.

“Hao,” you mewled, grasping at his forearms. “No more teasing, please!”

Minghao chuckled. He might’ve been nicer than Wonwoo, but he still wasn’t that nice. He shifted to slide the tip of himself inside of you, but no further. Your brows knitted up with anticipation and then confusion when you realized what was happening. You tried pressing your hips up to take more of him, but he pulled back, managing to keep himself just barely inside of you.

“Minghao,” you huffed, clearly frustrated, but you kept trying, shifting your hips fruitlessly. It was as if you both held the ends of a rope and Minghao was doing his best to keep it just barely slack.

Wonwoo looked on with interest. He was surprised to see Hao in this kind of mood, but it would be a lie to say he didn’t enjoy it. Smiling, he moved to the other side of the bed, towards your head. He leaned over you, cupping your cheek softly.

“Wonwoo,” you clutched at him naturally, “Woo, please,” you begged.

“Sorry kitten,” Wonwoo cooed condescendingly at you, his lips whispering above yours as he watched you writhe. Sweat beaded up on your nose as you tried, again and again, to work yourself down Minghao’s cock.

“Hao, please,” your eyes watered as you looked at him, fraught with arousal.

The corner of Minghao’s lip turned up just a fraction before he bucked his hips towards you, thrusting deeply. The gasp you let out tickled his ego and he continued, stroking into you deeply. From Wonwoo’s vantage point, it would almost seem brutal, but both he and Minghao knew it was what you wanted and needed.

Wonwoo’s eyes narrowed as a wicked idea formed in his head. He leaned over you slightly and placed his palm against your lower abdomen, pressing down lightly.

“Wonwoo!” You and Minghao both let out jagged gasps at this additional pressure. Hao threaded his fingers through yours and after two more thrusts, orgasms ripped through you both.

“Bastard,” Hao cursed after he had caught his breath.

Wonwoo laughed. He’d certainly been called worse. As Minghao rolled off of you, he cupped your cheek again. Your eyes flicked up to him and he was surprised to see they were still full of want.

“More?” he asked.

“Want you, Woo,” you murmured affectionately, nuzzling your cheek against his hand.

“Insatiable,” he laughed, but it was something he adored about you. He and Minghao traded places and Wonwoo slotted himself between your legs. Minghao’s cum was starting to leak so he quickly gathered it up and pushed it back into you.

Minghao’s hands cupped your chin as Wonwoo slid into you. He watched your pupils dilate as your mouth fell open, letting out the most gorgeous whimpers and sobs. He allowed himself to be mesmerized by you for a few moments before he returned to the task at hand - to make you cum and cum and cum until you were completely spent.

Hao and Wonwoo got along great, but when it came to your dynamics as three, they were nothing if not competitive. Minghao’s hands brushed along your skin, bringing up goosebumps. When they rolled over your nipples, you clenched, which wrinkled Wonwoo’s brow just a hair. Minghao looked down to hide his smirk. That was easy.

“You’re so responsive. You must be sensitive, doll,” Hao cooed in your ear as he reached down to rub your clit with his fingertips. You jerked slightly at his touch, walls squeezing around Wonwoo again as Hao worked counterclockwise.

Your mouth fell open, letting out a series of short pants as Hao worked you quickly to another orgasm. Wonwoo’s brows pinched together as your pussy spasmed around him torturously. He managed to keep his resolve, but Minghao did not ease up, fingers rubbing again, this time slower and firmer.

“Hao,” you moaned as you sank into the mattress. They were really intent on wrecking you tonight, huh?

“Pretty little toy,” Minghao cooed in your ear, “You’ll take it, won’t you? Whatever we give.”

“Ahh!” you cried. His words were enough to push you over the edge again. You convulsed around Wonwoo as you came and Minghao was truly surprised to see him continue to buck into you, adding to your overstimulation.

You had barely managed a few lungfuls of air before it started again. Wonwoo’s hand came down to rest around your throat as he met your eyes. His gaze was intense and you could feel yet another orgasm building in you already. You bit down on your bottom lip. You didn’t need to use your safe word yet, but you were starting to wonder how much more you could take. You were brought out of your thoughts, however, when Minghao landed a loud, wet slap against your clit. The knob of heat in your belly exploded through you violently. Wonwoo grunted loudly as you triggered his orgasm and he unloaded deep inside of you as you came.

You didn’t pass out, but it felt like you were regaining consciousness as you caught your breath. You were sore, tired, and so utterly satisfied. You grinned up at Hao and Wonwoo happily, eyes creasing into semi-circles. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Wonwoo spoke first, shifting off you. “It’s been a long day.”

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” you asked as you settled into the pillows.

“What, still haven’t had enough?” Minghao teased, grabbing your chin gently.

“No plans yet,” Wonwoo answered. The toy he’d set on the nightstand earlier caught his eye. He picked it up and his eyes flashed at you playfully. “Maybe we’ll go out and make better use of this.”

You swallowed audibly.

[xiakeponz]

I just wanted to translate a lil' bit of this book I was reading, because I didn't realise just how many poems (in the case of this book, Tang dynasty poems) have been lost to the ravages of time, and what a miracle it is that we even have a 唐诗三百首 today. Short note from me about translation approach is at the end under the cut.

唐诗寒武纪

王晓磊 (六神磊磊) 著

ISBN: 978-7-5302-2250-8

The Cambrian Age of Tang Poems by Author Wang Xiaolei (ISBN: 978-7-5302-2250-8)

Chapter 1 

Do you know how fortunate you are to be able to read Tang poems today? 

我志在删述，垂辉映千春。- 李白

My ambition is as grand as when Confucius compiled The Book of Poems, so that the radiance of my poems may shine a thousand springs from now. 

At a time 400 years ago from the present day, during the Tianqi Era (1621-1628) of the Ming Dynasty, when Eunuch Wei Zhongxian’s （魏忠贤）authority could eclipse the heavens- 

In the Haiyan district of the Zhejiang Province, there was an old man who silently shed his official’s robes, and folded them neatly. This was a set of blue robes embroidered with white pheasants, signifying that he was a fifth-rank court official. 

Outside, someone yelled, “Official Hu, why haven’t you come out yet! We’re waiting to escort you to De Zhou so you can take up your post there!”

“Take up my post?” The old gentleman gave a small smile, then muttered to himself, “Goodbye,  court politics! I have long grown weary of you. I’m going back to my hometown, and spending the rest of my years completing a very important matter- to compile the most complete set of Tang poems, so that there will no longer be any left out, so that no longer will there be any lost to the ages, so that our descendents can read them all!”

Let us remember the name of this old gentleman: Hu Zhenheng （胡震亨). 

Perhaps it is very difficult for people of the present day to understand - wasn’t he just wanting to make a compilation of poems, was that really so difficult? Did he need to really go this hard? Actually, yes. Back in that time period, it really was that difficult.  During that time, there were no publishing companies, printing factories, libraries, or convenient search engines. If you wanted to look up a poem, you’d have to pore through countless scrolls, you may even need to  trek over mountains and cross rivers just to be able to make a copy - and even after all that, you may not even have been able to make that copy. 

If Ol’ Hu slacked off, and didn’t make this Tang poetry compilation, what would have happened? The answer to that is, that the consequences would have been very dire.

At that time, Tang poetry was already starting to go extinct just like how our flora and fauna species are going into mass extinction today. According to Hu Zhenheng’s estimations, at least half of all Tang poetry had already been lost. 

Perhaps you are thinking, how the hell does poetry just go missing? As long as the poet is good enough, as long as the poem is good enough, then wouldn’t such works just be passed down through the ages, and be able to endure, that way? 

It really doesn’t work like that. 

Let me ask you a very broad question: out of all of the Tang poems, which one is the best? Perhaps many people will respond, off the top of their heads, “A night of moonlit blossoms on the river in spring” (春江花月夜“). This poem is lauded as the “a singular page eclipses the entire Tang dynasty” poem of poems, after all. Well then, who is the author of this fine poem? Many of you readers can answer, Zhang Ruoxu（张若虚）. 

This Mister Zhang has written such a great work, and has made such a great contribution to Tang Poetry. Well then, how many of his poems remain today? A hundred poems? Eighty? The answer will shock you - merely two of his poems remain today. 

The only reason “A night of moonlit blossoms on the river in spring” was able to be passed down to the present day, is really nothing more than a giant fluke. It was thanks to a very accidental opportunity, that when people in the Song dynasty were compiling a book of songs and ballads for their music bureau, they recorded this very poem by Zhang Ruoxu into the compilation, and enabled it to be passed down through the ages. 

Apart from two poems, all the other works created by Zhang Ruoxu in his lifetime, do not exist today. 

Now let me ask you another similar question: out of the pentasyllabic quatrain poems (五言绝句）in the Tang dynasty , which one is the best? Many will immediately respond, “Climbing White Stork Tower” （登鹳雀楼）. Yes, the one which everyone recited as a child - the sun sets against the mountains, the yellow river flows into the sea” (白日依山尽，黄河入海流）. Its author is recognised by most people as Wang Zhihuan (王之涣）. 

So then, how many poems has the great poet Wang Zhihuan left behind? The answer will again flabbergast you as you read it: there are only six poems left behind, the rest are all gone. 

Within a thousand years, we do not know how many lines like “the sun sets against the mountains （白日依山尽）”, and “the tides of the ocean and the moon rise in tandem （海上明月共潮生）” have been lost to the ages forever. 

The misfortunes of our friends Wang Zhihuan and Zhang Ruoxu, were not mere happenstance. 

How many poems of Li Bai （李白）have lived on to see the light of today? The most pessimistic takes say that, about one-tenth of all his poems exist today. 

This great genius has been writing poetry all his life, so estimates of his total poem count sits at around five thousand to ten thousand poems. For every ten of his poems, we may never ever be able to read eight or nine of them. 

Before passing away, Li Bai had sorted out all of the drafts and writings he had made in his lifetime, and solemnly entrusted it all to his uncle （族叔）, Li Yangbing （李阳冰）, and asked that he compile them into volumes, so that it can be passed down through generations. Li Yangbing did not fail Li Bai’s wishes, and poured his heart into compiling the Thatched Cottage Anthologies （草堂集）of which there were ten scrolls … which then subsequently got lost to the ages in the Song Dynasty. 

Now let’s talk about Du Fu （杜甫）。Essentially all the poems written by this similarly great poet before the age of forty, have been lost to the ages. How long did Du Fu live? Until age fifty-eight. That is to say, that all the poems he wrote for most of his life, were all for nothing. 

Another big shot, Wang Wei, （王维）fared no better. During the Kaiyuan era alone (713-741) he wrote hundreds if not thousands of poems. By the end, less than one-tenth of the total remained. 

There are countless other examples. The early Tang poet, Song Zhiwen（宋之问）was big-name poet who established the foundations of regulated verse poetry. He had poetry volumes circulating during the Tang Dynasty, however the circulation still ended during the Jiajing era of the Ming dynasty, and was finally lost during the Wanli era. All twenty volumes of the writings of gifted female scholar-official, Shangguan Wan’er （上官婉儿）, were entirely lost in the Song dynasty, and we only have thirty-two of her poems remaining today. 

The poetry volumes written by one of the “Elite Fours” of the early Tang dynasty, Wang Bo （王勃）,the genius who famously wrote “the hues of twilight fall in line with the solitary flight of a wild mallard （落霞与孤鹜齐飞）”, were arduously able to survive for a few hundred years, however, come the Ming dynasty, they were all completely lost all the same. 

This is like saying that the complete works of Jing Yong （金庸）were all lost to the ages, and you would only be able to glean snippets and excerpts of his original writings from the column writings of Liushen Leilei （六神磊磊）to get your hit. Just the thought of it makes me want to cry. 

The great Meng Haoran （孟浩然） can be counted as lucky. Shortly after he passed away, there were already people making compilations of his poems. Even so, many of his creations have still been lost. There is also the great Li Shangyin （李商隐）, who wrote “the silkworm spins silk even ‘til death （春蚕到死丝方尽）” and “our hearts are connected through a singular nexus (心有灵犀一点通)” , who personally compiled forty-odd scrolls of his writings, however, those have all been lost, and not a single volume remains. His poems have all been scrabbled together piece-by-piece, by those after his time. 

So, do you still think that those poems which have been lost to time, were lost purely because they were shoddy poems, of little worth, so no one wanted to remember them? Not at all. Even if they made a mark in their heyday, poems that are handed down will eventually be lost to time, all the same. 

People in the Tang dynasty have recorded, that of Li Bai’s CiFu （辞赋）poetry, the poems Dapeng Fu (大鹏赋）and Hongyou Fu （鸿猷赋）were incredibly marvelous, so much so that they even surpassed the calibre of writings of the big guardians of CiFu poetry from the previous generation, Sima Xiangru (司马相如） and Yang Xiong （杨雄）. Fortunately, we can read Dapeng Fu today, but … where is Hongyou Fu? Sorry, it’s gone, lost forever to the ravages of time. 

Translator’s note:

There are many ways to do a translation, and this one is more for the vibes than for the “literal” translation - that is not to say it is inaccurate, but as someone who has translated for years from Japanese to English, or from time to time, Chinese to English (when I feel like it lol) I thought I’d state the purpose of this translation so you can get a sense of my choices here.  I am translating this very casually and more for speed / for fun, it is a very pulling-words-off-the-top-of-my-head translation than the other kind of translation I do where I sit there for hours milling over a singular word. A partial reason for why I can do this style of translation is because the prose of the book itself is very conversational and casual (I will tangentially note, this writing style is kind of controversial with the Author’s other works that discuss poetry, as some readers view it as “low-brow”, but for me, I like it. I think it makes the content very digestible and accessible to readers who are new to poetry). This translation is for my buddies in the poetry club, who are mainly diaspora and/or can read Chinese to any extent anyway (in particular, I want to thank the funny and great @fwoopersongs, for always being here to chat poem stuff and making me interested in the lives of the poets and the context surrounding the poetry rather than just the poems themselves).  As such, I will try to remember to include the Chinese characters for people’s names, so you can read it with the correct tones. I bought this book and started reading, and thought wow, this is cool, I want to share it. A lot of the Chinese terms here I’ve only thought about and experienced in Chinese, I don’t watch Mandarin-language shows with any subtitles, and I don’t typically experience other Chinese Media in English so I am not sure what the “standard” (if any) terms in English would be - it’s for the vibes, especially the parts where I am translating literal poetry. For example, the author pulls verses from poetry here to set the tone for the start of a chapter, so the goal of my translation here to make a translation that it conveys to the reader a reason why that verse was chosen, rather than the “perfect” way 千秋, 碧落，独倚 or a word like that is translated (or, for example, everyone let’s agree on a translation of the poem title 《春江花月夜》 - pain - lol). I do not think I can do any of these poetry translations justice, as poetry translations in any language is more like a feeling of the soul that you try to fit within the available confines of another language, hoping that the reader on the other side can experience something in their own individual way through your shared humanity rather than language alone. Also, I do have a lot of commentary and notes that I wanted to make but I might do that in a different place (maybe as footnotes) at another time, I don’t want to interrupt the flow of the reader by sticking my own comments everywhere.

[sgdlr-asdfghjkl]

Link Click Musical update 153

(Qiang Dongyue's birthday and Cai Qi's concert tangent)

Covering these (crossed out one done in update 152) 🌟

As always, check Encore Musical's weibo for Qiang Dongyue's birthday clip, she does a lil dance 🥳

Links to videos in replies: Cai Qi's performance of 'What Time Taught Me' (时光教会我的).

March 30th, noon: Ding Xingchen, Wu Yihan, Cai Lu

They are so criminally underrated that I only found 2 clips and a few photos from a Cai Lu's fan from this day 😔

Thankfully, lots of cute Ding Xingchen stage door photos 😊 Good to see him back in a good health :>

March 31st, noon: Cai Qi, Wang Minhui, Qian Anqi

On the occasion of cq&wmh lineup I'd like to do a tangent about Cai Qi's personal concert event 'Another me in the world' on March 29th.

As for Link Click references, Cai Qi sings 'What Time Taught Me', a song from lc s1 (⬆in the outfit above, yes) 🌟

Guest actors, Cai Qi's friends, were promoting plays they performed in together with cq (忘忧世界/Forgotten World, 遗愿清单/Bucket List, 杨戬/Yang Jian). There are Zhang Zhihan (he did 'Dive Back in time' song and tuttng cover!) and Shen Shuai (androgynous dance king) from Forgotten World (I love this play, ok?), Wang Minhui from like 10+ plays he did together with Cai Qi etc. And they performed separately or in a group as Cai Qi's 'clones' (he calls them that).

I'm explaining this very poorly, so listen, here's the concert's tag #蔡淇平行世界个人音乐会# ​​​search it on weibo for videos (wmh or cq tags will do too). They do a mf kpop dance break and Wang Minhui looks like a million dollars 100% of the time.

Also wmh at some point nags cq '[...] you will have to act with me the day after tomorrow.' (referencing lc musical).

Thanks @/bhd322418 on twt for telling me more about the concert 💖 tangent over ✨

When it comes to the actual lc stage, the actors' tags were flooded by concert stuff >< but I believe they had good old fun pinching each other and butchering rock paper scissors 😌

March 31st, night: Bai Zhuoming, Wu Yihan, Qian Dongyue

It was time for Qiang Dongyue's birthday celebration 🎉If you don't remember, that's her :>

I still have more Bai Zhuoming's photos I wanna share, but I have to save them for later :<

Bye bye <3

[hetaliaimaginesin2022]

Imagine the Allies and Axis at a rave with a female partner?? Female partner invited them to a rave! Came back from edc and I miss it already!

I'm so jealous, I've wanted to go to one for a l o n g time, I'm glad you had fun! I'll be splitting this in two posts, one for the allies (this first one) and a second post for the axis :) I hope you enjoy

The Allies' Partner Taking Them To A Rave

TW// alcohol and drug use mentioned (past and present)

America • Alfred Jones

Alfred is looking forward to attending one with you the moment you start talking about your interest in them, as in his few hundred years of being alive, he's been to more than a few raves

He's really only been to some big ones in the US though, so he's not too knowledgeable of the rave customs overseas and he will not think to research them beforehand

Because of this, he definingly rocks up in a colorful outfit more belonging to the late night EDM scene regardless of the setting, and even if he sticks out like a sore thumb, he still has a blast

He just loves the loud music and the crowded environment, using his time to mingle with the other attendees, making sure to spend the majority of his focus on you

In fact, it does not matter your height or size, this boy is incredibly strong and he wants you to sit on his shoulders at least once

When the party ends and you two walk back to your little hotel room, he's talking energetically about it, already excited for the next one you two attend together

This is a side note, but he has done acid before and, if you two are close and he trusts you, he will do it again if you two talk it over beforehand

Canada • Matthew Williams

No no no no no

He will be more than happy to help you get ready or listen to you talk about it afterwards, but he's really not comfortable with the environment

He mainly likes to spend his time in nature out on hikes, surrounded by nothing but wilderness and the chilled northern air, raves however, are a loud, crowded, and hot environment, which is exactly the opposite of how he's like to spend his free time

His one issue, however, is that he has a very hard time saying no to his darling partner, so if you ask him, he'll try his best to go to one with you

At first he doesn't enjoy it in the slightest, but after some help from you (and probably smoking a bit of weed,) he relaxes a little

He absolutely stays away from the center of the warehouse and keeps mental track of where the speakers are, and honestly spends the most of his time outside (he could hear the music from the parking lot tbh)

The next morning, even though he's very burnt out, he admits he had fun, but kindly asks you to never invite him to one again

You both spend the afternoon relaxing and recharging together in a quiet calmness

China • Yao Wang

He's around 4,000 years old, he's lived a long, exciting life full of interesting and unique experiences

A rave, however, is (unsurprisingly) not one of them

In fact, he was mainly unaware of the entire subculture before you have told him about your interest

It was very hard to convince him to go to one in the first place, and he knew he wouldn't enjoy himself as soon as he heard the music from outside the building, but he decided to bite his tongue and let you enjoy your night

The entire evening, he just looked out of place

His long hair was tied back neatly, and he was wearing his regular clothing, he had a near constant expression that looked like something crossed between vague confusion and him having a headache

He ended up not particularly enjoying the night, but at least he got to experience something you would talk positively about (plus Hong Kong thinks he's a bit cooler, so it's something)

He doesn't want to go to another one, but doesn't stop you from attending anymore and will always let you talk about them

England • Arthur Kirkland

He would never admit it, but back in the 1980's when warehouse parties started gaining popularity in the UK, he attended a few raves now and then

He much more preferred the underground rock or punk scene opposed to EDM, but a loud fun illegal event is a loud fun illegal event, so who is he to complain

He was pleasantly surprised when you asked him to accompany you to one though, and he readily agreed (he didn't necessarily express his excitement)

When he gets there, he parties

The kind of music that's playing is a bit out of his norm, but he integrates into the environment surprisingly well, dancing (or an approximant of it) along with the music with you

He doesn't tell you in full, but he's very touched that you invited him and because you felt comfortable enough to do so, he offers to bring you to an underground punk/grunge concert

Attending these kinds of events sort of becomes your guys' thing

France • François Bonnefoy

When you asked him if he wanted to go to one with you, he didn't know what to expect, though he went in excited for the new experience

He's kind of enamored with the flashy and colorful rave fashion in the US raves, and while he wouldn't dress up himself, he loves seeing any special costume, makeup, or accessories you have on for it, and he'll try his best to take any pictures for you if you ask

As for the night itself, while it was very loud and cramped, he still had a lot of fun, dancing and spending time with you

At the end of the night, he's pretty exhausted and ready to go to sleep, but he immediately takes a shower when he gets to your shared hotel room before borderline passing out

He sleeps in quite late the next morning

Later he tells you that he wouldn't want to make it a too frequent of an occurrence, but he wouldn't mind going to another one with you

Russia • Ivan Braginsky

He had never considered attending a rave a single day in his life before you asked him

Much like China, he knew they were a thing, but he didn't really know any specifics

However, seeing as you were the one who asked him, he immediately agreed as soon as the words left your lips

While he had heard you talk about raves before, he didn't really know what to expect, but as it would turn out, he's a very useful person to have around in a rave

He's fun and agreeable, and incredibly tall and intimidating, so there's automatically a bubble of air around the two of you, the other people trying their best not to bump into you or the man you're with

Plus? You'll literally never lose him!!

He's so tall that, on the chance you do get separated, he's like a beacon sticking out of the crowd

As the night closes and fades to sunrise, he walks you two home safely, talking about how much fun it was

He'd go to another one with you, though that's not saying much, considering he'd do anything just to spend time with you

[thesweetestdevotion]

CELEB READING: Hi! Could you do a reading on Jackson Wang’s future spouse? Since he had always express how he wants to settle down!

Hiya!! okay here we go!:

Jackson Wang Future Spouse Reading:

Disclaimer: tarot readings are for entertainment purposed only.

Dice: Sun, Virgo, 4th House

Tarot:

Personality: The World, Six of Swords Reversed, Page of Wands

this person seems like theyve reached some sort of success. They feel like whatever cycle they are in they have reached the end and are ready to begin a new adventure! I also feel a want to settle down, specifically settling down in a specific place/city/country. Maybe they have travelled often for work or other reasons, and they now feel like they want to stay somewhere long term! Overall they seem very settled and grounded, I also feel like they are a creative as well, though im not getting any specific messages about what that creative pursuit is. They have a youthful fiery energy! but they also seem like an analytical person that is able to make wise decisions about their path in life. I just keep seeing someone moving very fast. They could also be very skilled, and have more than one skill that they find pride in and like to show off.

Career: Strength, The Hermit Reversed, Nine of Wands

SO! i think they might work behind the scenes! could be that they are in the entertainment industry but they work cameras, makeup, management, etc... like theyre there but hidden from view. I think their career is very stressful and busy. they are always on the go go go! and i see they have the physical and mental fortitude to take on all those challenges! however they may be prone to overworking and to stress. I suddenly felt tired and tense in my throat chakra, so maybe they feel they cant fully express themselves at their work and it weighs on them heavily. I did say that they felt very skilled, but i also get the sense they may have been an apprentice of some sort? i think they work with their hands and do various tasks under guidance. but i feel they may be ending this apprenticeship and moving into a more stable position now!

Their Relationship: Ten of Cups, Page of Coins, Seven of Coins

Okay so.. literally what you said in your ask! theyre family oriented and willing to work to maintain that beautiful family life they have! With page of coins i see that maybe they will be learning a lot on how to build a family and this wisdom they gain together will only serve to strenghthen the relationship. Its basically what they both dreamed of, but it will take a lot of work to maintain it and nurture it! thankfully they both seem like the types to be able to handle it hehe

How They'd Meet: Judgement Reversed, Nine of Cups Reversed, Queen of Wands Reversed

So this might come after a heartbreak for either of them. either they lose someone or they start to lose hope that they will ever find the one. They will need to put aside the initial judgement between them though! im seeing that during their first meeting they might not be too open to each other in a romantic way, it could be they meet in a situation where theyre not able to connect in deeper manner. It could be at a gathering, bc the nine of cups also reminds me of a host and it being reversed gives me drunk vibes hehe so maybe its a party or a gathering, could be a club? I think this will introduce them to each others circles, and this is where theyll end up crossing paths again and again. Though i do sense they are very wary of each other at the beginning of their connection. This would obviously develop and grow over time and eventually become romantic. I think they are very similar and i really love this connection!

let me know your thoughts! i loved this reading! im not that familiar with jackson wang at all as ive only heard one or two of of his songs from when he was in got7, so i hope i hit the mark here hehe.

[duhragonball]

Phantom Blood Liveblog JJBA ch.42-44

Well, that’s enough phantom blood for one week.  Let’s wrap this up.

Several weeks after the battle with Dio, everyone returns home, and Jonathan marries Erina Pendleton.  I’m not sure where Jonathan’s been living since his home was destroyed, but that might be why he and Erina planned a honeymoon in the United States. I’m not sure they planned to stay in the U.S., but Jonathan doesn’t have much tying him down to Britain now that his entire family is dead. 

Speedwagon is so excited to see them off that he forgets to pay for his lunch.  Still wearing Zeppeli’s hat, Speedwagon vows to always be there for the Joestars.  “I’ll come no matter where it is, though I might just get in the way.” 

Sniff... You were never in the way, Speedwagon ol’ pal. 

Right before the steam liner launches for the voyage, some guys load one last piece of cargo on board.  They have no idea what it is, but they were paid handsomely to put it on the ship.  Sure are a lot of WRRYYYYYs coming out of that box though.

Once they’re underway, Erina sees a bird get separated from its flock, then another bird joins it on the deck, and she gets all choked up over it.  She recalls how Jonathan knew he’d get beat up when he stood up for Erina as a child, and how he’d get beaten up even more by revealing who he was, but he dropped that hankerchief anyway.  And Jonathan reminds her that she was there for him at his lowest points, like when Dio turned all his friends against him, and then later when Dio killed his dad and the house burned down. Erina wishes this time could last forever.  Don’t we all?

They go below for dinner, when Jonathan notices... Wang Chung?!  He immediately realizes that this must mean Dio survived their battle, and he rushes off to chase Wang Chung.  He warns Erina to return to their cabin and lock the door. 

Meanwhile, a drunken priest accidentally loses his cross in the... cargo hold?  Engine room?  Anyway, he retrieves it and then notices the padlock on the box is undone, but apparently the box is locked from the inside.

Also there’s a gem on there which suddenly shoots out and blows this guy’s head apart.  Not sure if that’s a booby trap rigged into the case or Dio launched that with vampire power. Either way...

Wang Chung arrives in the hold soon after the priest is killed, and Jonathan shows up a few steps behind, just in time to see... Dio......’s head.  The rest of him couldn’t be here.

Why is Dio’s head in a glas case?  He looks ridiculous in that thing.  I assume he asked for this, but why?

Then Erina shows up, just in time to see Dio shoot eyebeams at Jonathan.  His intent was to decapitate Jonathan in one shot, a painless death as a sign of respect.  Dio has decided that he must admire Jonathan as a worthy adversary, and he now sees that their fates are hopelessly intertwined.  The only way Dio can fulfill his ambitions is through Jonathan, so he plans to graft his head onto Jonathan’s corpse and use it as his new body. 

But Jonathan’s too defiant to just stand still and let himself be killed, so he tries to dodge the beams.  Instead of dying, he just gets badly hurt, and now he can’t breathe well enough to use Hamon power to defend himself.

Then a bunch of zombies appear, killing a man and then his wife, who dies trying to protect a baby.  Wang Chung explains that he’s been converting crew and passengers into zombies, so it’s only a matter of time before Dio takes the entire ship.  This is all a terrible shock to Erina, who I’m pretty sure hasn’t heard about any of this vampire business at all. 

Without the Ripple, Jonathan’s no match for Wang Chung, let alone all the other zombies.  Wang Chung wants to make Jonathan suffer, but Dio scolds him for being disrespectful to his honored rival.  Instead, Dio orders him to kill Jonathan quickly and painlessly.  But Wang Chung doesn’t listen.  He’s still made at Jonathan for giving him a nasty scar after their last encounter, and that craving for revenge gives Jonathan enough time to devise one last counterattack.

Jonathan can’t breathe well enough to use Hamon well, but he can still deploy the Hamon already present from his own life force, and use it to decapitate Wang Chung and manipulate his body.  He sends Wang Chung to the engine, where he grabs hold of the screwshaft. 

As Dio helpfully explains, the screwshaft is responsible for releasing the pressure built up in the engine.  With the mechanism jammed, the pressure will keep building up until the engine explodes, which will destroy the ship. 

Erina doesn’t fully understand, but Jonathan tells her that he wants her to get off the ship before is explodes, and she resolves to die with him.  But Jonathan points out the baby, whose mother was killed earlier.  He wants her to take the child and escape.  The baby’s mother died protecting her, just as Jonathan’s mother did for him. So it’s fitting that Jonathan would make this is dying request.  Wotta guy.  What a selfless, beefy, polite guy.

But Dio isn’t finished yet.  He orders his zombies to get Wang Chung off the screwshaft while he tries to attach himself to Jonathan’s body.  Now that he can’t use the Ripple anymore, it should be easy enough, except Jonathan stabs his neck with a chunk of metal.  I’m... not sure why that matters.  It’s not like Dio’s neck is a vital area.  He’s missing all the stuff below it and he’s doing pretty well for himself.  But somehow, Jonathan manages to subdue Dio’s head and basically holds him so he won’t do anymore mischief.  He admits to Dio that their fates might be intertwined after all, and so he’s willing to end it here, with both of them being destroyed.

As for the zombies, they’re too late.  The engine is already starting to blow up. Erina takes the baby and leaves Jonathan and Dio to their fate.   Dio pleads with Jonathan to let him go, even making wild promises you know he would never keep, but it’s too late for any of that.

Jonathan’s already dead, and there’s nothing Dio can do but wait for the ship to sink. 

The next time we see Erina, she’s with the baby, floating on top of Dio’s box.  I always assumed she hid inside of it to protect her and the baby from the explosion, but I guess she could have gotten clear of the ship, then found it in the water.  As she reflects on this ordeal, she notes that she has a “new life inside her body”, which will turn out to be Jonathan’s son, George Joestar II. 

Two days later, Erina would be rescued in the Canary Islands, and the narration promises that this would be the beginning of a whole new era of adventure.  Boy, you’re not kidding. 

And that’s it for Part 1.  Like I was saying towards the beginning, people dismiss this one as too “boring” or whatever else, and that’s dumb.  At worst, Part 1 can be criticized for being too short, and kind of primitive compared to the more complex plots in the sequels.  But that’s like complaining about Action Comics #1 being the worst Superman story.  This literally sets the stage for everything that follows.  

Erina and the baby she rescued show up in Part 2. Dio’s desperate scheme to transplant his head onto Jonathan’s body gets paid off in Part 3.   The legacies of Jonathan and Dio reverberate well into Parts 4, 5, and 6.  Part 7 features an alternate version of Jonathan Joestar who became a jockey instead of an archaeologist. 

Here, let me show you my favorite sequence from Part 8.

Josuke Higashikata feels completely alone and devoid of purpose through much of JoJolion.  “Josuke Higashikata” isn’t even his real name; it’s given to him by the people he meets when he first emerges from the soil.  He has no connections to anyone or anything, and as he despairs over this, he suddenly comes across a memorial statue of Part 7′s Johnny Joestar, who died in Morioh 110 years earlier.  It’s a powerful moment, because even though Josuke feels isolated and alone, he still has a connection to the other JoJo’s, even though he doesn’t know it.

It’s like poetry.  It rhymes.

There’s this devotion to justice that connects all of the JoJo’s together, so that no matter how alone or defeated they may feel, they each find it within themselves to oppose evil, no matter the odds.  The villains in every Part follow in Dio’s path, each of them trying to deny fate and the justice that fate inevitably brings.  Dio’s immortality, Kars’ invincible body, Killer Queen, King Crimson, Made in Heaven, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, Wonder of U, each of these represents an attempt to short circuit the consequences of evil.  “Well, I’m being a huge asshole, but it doesn’t matter, because I’m too powerful to be stopped!” That’s the motto of all the bad guys.  And the JoJo’s each show up to bring them to justice. 

And it all starts here, in Phantom Blood.  I dare you to read this thing and not find a few call-forwards to your favorite JoJo Part. I mean, my favorite is Part 2, so it’s not very hard for me.  Speedwagon’s right there. But I forgot all about Jonathan setting himself on fire to hit Dio, like Jolyne in Part 6.  And Jonathan dropping that anvil on Doobie kind of reminded me of Giorno’s dismissive attitude toward Ciocolata in Part 5. And so on.  

Sure, Josuke might have cooler hair and Jotaro might be more badass, and Jolyne might be prettier, but the themes that make their stories work all stem from here.  Part-skippers, you at owe it to yourself to at least check this out at some point. 

Anyway, that’s all I have.  So I’ll leave you with this picture of Speedwagon withdrawing cooly.

[mirageofadesert]

First Impression: Love is Panacea

I have just finished the first 4 episodes of the drama on Youkou. It took me over an hour to get the app to take my money, so this better be worth it.

The drama is project for Literature and Art of the Sichuan province and co-produced by Youkou and CCPTV. Therefore, we can expect a lot of national propaganda in the show, especially since it’s not only a medical drama, but also about international medical aid and foreign aid. Lou Yunxi seems to really take his nickname as Sichuan ambassador seriously! ;-)

Cast and Characters (so far)

Zhang Rua Nan as Su Weian: A medical school dropout on a quest to enjoy her life, struggling to make ends meet overseas. She becomes a translator at the local Chinese Medical Aid hospital.

Luo Yunxi as Dr. Gu Yun Zheng: A passionate but cold doctor working in Chinese Medical relief/aid in North Africa. He is Su Weian former teacher. He is initially very skeptical of the FL intentions and abilities.

Wang Yiting as Jiang Muying: Su Weian’s best friend, that travels to see her after a long time.

Li Jiahao as Fang Mingfan (Nian Baiyu!) doctor and assistant and love interest of Jiang Muying. I expect them to be the 3rd couple of the show.

Shawn Wei as Dun Yuncheng: As the CEO of a pharmaceutical company. He had a one-sided crush on the FL and is the half brother of the ML. We haven’t seen them interact in the present yet, but there is a nice build up to an interesting dynamic.

Mild Spoiler

The first arc of the show takes place in a small city in North Africa. Foreign actors in Chinese Dramas are always … something, and this is no difference. The dubbing is also noticeable different compared to the rest. I do, however, like how the show approaches different languages and the language barrier. Dr. Gu only speaks Chinese and English and needs a French translator to communicate with patients and staff – this is where Su Weian comes in.

There is a lot of unintended comedy, because of the way they are depicting the foreign country. While some is just silly – for example the way they are throwing $ bills around as if it was Yuan, other times it relies too much on exoticism. So far, they haven’t crossed the line to straight out racist stereotyping, so that’s something. It does, at times, make a lot of the scenes feel over the top and cringe. However, no matter the country of origin, very rarely do productions get other languages and culture right. China in Western media is often just horrible, so I’m not going to hold it against them. The medical stuff is also mostly fine, it’s not accurate, but it’s not so wrong, that I’m getting angry. So the framing of the show is okay, I think it will get better once they are back in China.

Dr. Gu is a typical character played by Luo Yunxi: Serious, passionate, troubled and very in love with a woman. He excels in this role, as always. His English is also amazing! Su Weian is so far the more interesting character. She is everything I want from a FL: strong, independent, witty and smart. So far, we were only introduced to 3 side characters, that have not shown any depth yet. I’m just really happy to see Tantai Jin and Nian Baiyun reunite on screen – still being master and assistant. I do miss their costume so, because the styling in this show is… different.

The cast of the show is so far the best part. While the script relies on a lot of cliché tropes, it’s the dynamic between the actors, that make the show engaging. I’m rather pessimistic about the script so far, it might end somewhere between “Lie to Love” and “Broker”. However, the acting and the chemistry between the leads is significantly better!

One of my favorite things is, how self-aware the show is at times: Be it the supporting cast admitting being the side characters of the leads' life, the subverting of stereotypes of Chinese eating strange things like insects or the nurses watching costume dramas on the Youkou apps and taking dating advice from it. So I’m holding out hope that the overly cliché romantic tropes are an attempt to mislead the audience into thinking this is just a romantic show.

I’m going to talk about the ending of the show next. Please just stop reading here, if you don’t want to get spoiled!

Major Spoiler

On a personal note, I was misdiagnosed with a deadly disease earlier this year. While I’m incredibly lucky, that it turned out a misdiagnosis, for a couple of months I had to live with the belief that I was going to die early and in a lot of pain. So this show hits on a different level and that's why it’s important to me, that the novel ending stays the same. (Spoiler!!)

I’m a bit nervous about it, because not only did they cut out 6 full episodes, they also changed the name to “Healing Lover”. I don’t want the FL to be healed. There is no cure for her disease in real life, so there shouldn’t be one in the drama. Suffering from life altering disease is part of many people's life, that affect not only them, but also their family and friends. It would feel insulting, if they change it. I want to see a drama, in which the cast has to come to terms with the FL death. I want her husband and son to find a way to cope and live on. I want maximum angst. No rainbow at night.

[accio-victuuri]

CPN : XZS vlog chapter 5.5 Rome & Paris 📺

just some bits and pieces that we picked up from the recent vlog shared by xz and his team. honestly, their work just keeps getting better and better. no one does it like them. some people may hate on him for the ‘vlogs’ but at this point, the production quality is on par with something you can show on tv or a streaming app. xz’s travel show when….

as usual, everything is fake and interpreted with turtle/cpn glasses on. if you don’t like it then feel free to scroll — no one is forcing you. ‼️‼️

Let’s start with the date of posting which 3/29, out of all the days he could have shared this, why now? They usually go for Thursdays but not this one. We think it’s a late 3/28 gift, that day is Wuji recording and also when WYB came home from his Rome trip. What a nice coincidence, cause the vlog posted had Rome in it too. These two are really so particular with dates! I can’t. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

1. One thing that stood out to me was when he was looking at a design book. He was talking about designing typeface and letter, and how there are different formations in writing or presenting them. I don’t think that it was ever CPN that he likes to play with letters/ characters to give a different meaning. or to hide something. think : yibo’s motorcyle suit. this just confirms that.

( i have talked about most ( if not all ) of the design bits and hidden meanings per the photos above and more. it’s too much for me to link each one so just feel free to explore this blog. )

2. The way he was eating the lollipop and his pose is so WANG YIBO. I’m sorry, but that’s the first thing that came to mind. Yibo and his oral fixation is real and we see it on SDC most of the time. 😂 They really mirror each other’s habits now and do certain things that make you go “wait… that’s totally xx behavior and not his..”

people are wondering if they saw the fanart of them eating 🍭 at some point and copied it unconsciously.

3. The element of romance in this vlog makes me wanna scream! honestly. Sure, you can argue that the place ( especially paris ) is romantic or that he is doing fan service to the viewers — like, you’re in a romantic weekend with me in Paris. Yeah. Sure. that’s a plausible explanation. but for a clown like me, the elements seem deliberate.

The lines in Moon River:

I'm crossing you in style some day // Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker // Wherever you're going, I'm going your way // Two drifters, off to see the world // There's such a lot of world to see // We're after the same rainbow's end.

He sang the line ‘ i’m crossing you in style some day ‘ — yeah, ZZ. you will be with WYB one day in Rome and Paris. and the mention of a Rainbow. 🌈 I need someone to make a fan video with this as a BGM please.

Next is JVKE’s golden hour. This one has more 👀 lyrics. The whole “golden” and “see you shine” just screams his love for anything about the sun. the sun and his sunflower ☀️ and the mention of summer.

We were just two lovers // Feet up on the dash, drivin' nowhere fast // Burnin' through the summer // Radio on blast, make the moment last // She got solar power

I also don’t really buy it when people say “he doesn’t understand the lyrics, don’t think to much..” i mean. are you really lowkey insulting him at this point? he may not know like the details, but i’m pretty sure he understands the general meaning. and like, it’s not that hard to understand english words. come on.

The style for the intros were also reminiscent of the movie Roman Holiday. Maybe they looked up a movie and watched it. but anyway, the story of this is also a romantic movie.

Yes we know you’re not single. ☺️☺️☺️☺️

4. He wore a long wooyoungmi coat which I talked about here. So looks like that’s where the paper bag was from? but if he already wore it, why bring the bag like that? it’s not that precious of a cargo to hand carry anyway. i’m still eating the candy.

5. Same place, but years apart. ⏱️

6. How he was trying to ride the scooter makes me soft. I feel like the influence of riding things like this ( and even the hoverboard he owns ) is from WYB. 🥹 He can’t do motorcycles, but he is willing to try everything else. The whole image of him riding it reminds us of the loyiboard character design too!

7. When you see what’s on screen during the 2:28 timestamp, it’s a dog. Lol. thinking of your puppy back home? There are also two other shots where a dog is there, but not as deliberate as this one.

8. It looks familiar 🤔🤔🤔🤔

9. It depends on how you see it, 8 or infinity. I’ve really been up in arms with this CPN and feel like we will see more of it.

10. The message ZZ brings in this vlog is the best thing tho. from the caption of the video on weibo :

The best time is on the road, to listen In the heart, to draw inspiration, to travel far, to find a different self. Feel free to do what you want👣

I love how he is encouraging people, in a way, to get out there. which was always his message to fans, to have time to go outside and build themselves up. Don’t spend too much time online. Also the bit about feel free to do what you want. I really hope he gets to do that more. I hope he gets to make choices that lean more towards the things he wants. 💕

and this bit : ( to native speakers, feel free to chime in too )

“in the long run the straw weighs” = despite the light weight, everything becomes heavy if you bring it for too long.

-END.

[celestiall0tus]

Bloody Bug Recap and Moving Forward

Alright, I've moved through most of season 1 at this point and it's time to discuss plans for season 2 as this is where I start showing my style vs canon.

Recap:

As of Chapter 15, Felix, tensions and stakes are presented.

Adrien is currently on thin ice with Wang Fu after his stunt with Silencer.

Marinette and Alya committed a betrayal in Alix's eyes that she's severing ties with them.

Juleka and Rose nearly met the same fate, but upon breaking out of the Akuma, they showed Alix she could still trust and rely on the them.

Felix is starting out his arc and on the same path as Adrien and Alix of overcoming their pasts and presents.

Chloe, Marinette, and Alya are currently benched for their behaviors.

I may do Animan still for the season 1 set, but Kung Food and Gamer are being pushed back. So, season 1 will end with Volpina.

Now for the expectations for season 2. With the set up out of the way, we're gonna see a cross between the canon monster of the week to my version of writing with a focus on the relationships. Here we'll see a little bit of monsters, but also the further development of the relationships. Y'all will see:

Alix and Chloe beginning their friendship and, hopefully, by the end of season 2 will be on the path to a queerplatonic relationship.

Felix and Adrien will be making amends and reconnecting.

Kagami will be introduced and will introduce a three way one-sided love triangle with Kagami loving Adrien, but Felix loving Kagami, and Adrien not interested in Kagami.

Alix's continued friendship with Mylene, Juleka, and Rose while her relationships with Marinette and Alya are strained still. This is where you'll see Alix and Marinette at each other's throats.

Marinette will continue to pursue Adrien while he dances around her advances.

You'll also see the beginning of Luka opening up. I am still on the fence if I'll have him in love with Marinette, but we shall see from the writing process, but I might.

That's about it for right now. I look forward to what "season 2" brings.

[dangermousie]

Some thoughts on Empress Ki

There are a lot of things I love about this drama (there is a reason it's in my Top 5 sageuks) but one of them is how uncompromisingly bleak it is.

Nobody gets a happy ending because you cannot have one in this environment. It does not matter if you keep your soul and your morals and your heroism (Wang Yu) or you descend as a way to survive (Sung Nyang and Togon) - there is no way out.

It's a never-ending circle of power hunger and trauma and damage and it forces people into their roles regardless of how they started. For example, El Temur is not a uniquely power hungry minister and Togon is not a uniquely put upon emperor - it all repeats in endless cycle. I love that after Togon takes down El Temur, there is no end in triumph. I am thinking of a scene early on where Togon literally grovels and begs El Temur, the man who killed his father and brother and tried to kill him. In any traditional revenge narrative, he'd eventually take the man down and yay, victory, the end as we flashback to that grovel scene and go aha see it was worth it. But not in this drama. El Temur is taken down and so Togon avenges his family and SN avenges hers (sort of - it's pretty telling that she started out wanting revenge on Togon but ends up with him; nothing is clear cut) but guess what? They don't get to ride into the sunset because we then have El Temur mark 2 - Bayan. The whole system is set up for talented ambitious non royals to try to control the royal and the royal to fight them and everyone ending up a monster.

I mean, at the very end of the drama, as Sung Nyang is left as the Dowager Empress, it would not surprise me if she will end up another version of Togon's mother, ruling through her child, more power obsessed than anything. This drama is very much "power corrupts absolute power corrupts absolutely" but with an even bleaker caveat - but if you don't fight for it, you will be killed.

The thing is, when I see the young SN and Togon in the beginning eps of my rewatch, my heart hurts for them - SN still so right and idealistic (and thinking the worst is behind her) and Togon a puppy even if seeds of damage and madness are there (how could they not be with his background.) If they saw themselves at the end of the drama, they'd be horrified. This drama is very much not about love healing - love does not heal or save any of the main three or any of the supporting. But it's not even the narrative of loving dooming you either. It's just that love may make dwelling in a pit of monsters more bearable but it won't heal you or defeat the monsters.

Both Togon and SN had only two choices - Togon from birth and SN from the moment she ended up in Yuan - become a monster or die. With or without love, that calculus does not change. Loving Togon did not make SN worse just as loving WY did not make her better - she did what she did to survive regardless of any romantic entanglements. And with Togon, love did save him in a sense - without SN to fixate his incredible powers of obsession on he'd have become a monster without any shred of any feeling, as opposed to a monster in love. Because the choice is not to heal or chose darkness for either of them tbh - it's what you grab onto in that darkness, if anything. (The fact that the greatest, most useful, most loving gift he ever gave SN was that epic murder spree he went on once he found he was dying, in order to clear the path of safety for SN and their son about sums it up.)

And yet - the drama does not give you even a relief of "well this is Yuan and its royal monsters, it's better elsewhere." It’s everywhere. Wang Yu is noble, smart, competent, tough, and utterly incapable of relinquishing his soul. All that gets him is death. But then crossing any line to keep himself and his loved ones safe got Togon death too. And all of SN's drive and strength got her utter loneliness and a path of eventually becoming a monster to be removed by the next generation in a never-ending cycle.

Anyway, gonna stop but god I love this drama!

[nenasspot]

finally here to drop on you: some thoughts on the first ep of starlight boys!

the auditions I have something to say about

blood sweat and tears: ke ming kai, li sheng jun and sheng qi

way too hard song choice. I get why so many trainees would choose a bts song, but why this song? please someone point me towards a cover of bs &t that had the same aura as the original, bc at this point i'm convinced it is uncoverable. the pitch of it, too, is so dangerous in the way that if you don't get the feel of that intro right, you're lost immediately...

breathe: syo and ryou kaito

don't like syo's style of singing. japanese vocal style that will need to go. otherwise, I'm actually pretty neutral about it.

darari: kim seong ju

not him going platinum seller with the trainees lmao. I mean, if anything, it proved the guiders right in giving him one star

crazy form: kim seon jae, han jeong woo and choi jun ho

obviously have been trained. something about the intro was way off, idk if it was the pitch or if it was just done monotonously but it got my sibling and me real scared. not necessary though! the rest of it was pretty great!

black suit: shao zi heng

WOW. he's really good, stable, good pronunciation and mindset, BEAUTIFUL too. spoilers include that he's in my top9 right now. I got real shady vibes at first, about the level of humbled he was giving ... felt like an act for a minute there, but it was probably just the nerves!

my house: han gyul, do ha, min jae, yoo jun

the babies did so great... the AURA in this performance was insane. the synchronized choreo at the start?? oh, these are idols, is what you're telling me

fantastic baby: rex, zhang ji jun and yang yan

I did not enjoy this. audition performances need to showcase skill and potential. if part of your potential is showmanship, then great. if you utilize showmanship purely to draw attention, then there was no potential shown. I can get why the trainees might have liked it though (song choice, atmosphere yada yada)

love 119: wang kun, he xi long, ngan chau yuet, float and zhang jing he

pretty much neutral about this. wasn't bad by any means, but I also already forgot all of them except wang kun

really really: nam son, lee da eul, park yeon wook and jeon min gyu

are they giving da eul another came from the bottom narrative? I feel like he should have come on by himself instead..

rush hour: lee jun hyuk

VERY impressive to do as a one-man performance. entertaining, stable

good guy: pentor and kris

so happy to see an sf9 performance! and done this well?? damn near brought tears to my eyes. pentor has a bright bright future ahead, and kris was also not to be forgotten!

answer: duan xing xing, yoo gwan woo and sun ying hao

xing xing is so much fun to watch!! it's obvious he's also having fun, and to be this stable while also being entertaining to look at is a real feat!

other things I need to talk about:

donghwa

I NEED him to do well!! I've missed him so much, the tension in my body any time a solo trainee stepped through that tunnel only for it to not be him was crazy, my sibling is my witness lmao

they put him all by himself, way up there, and I'm crossing all my fingers, and my toes too, that he doesn't let that add to his nerves but I feel like it's inevitable

his nose is still very pretty, he's wearing a mesh turtleneck, he's doing a song that has bodyrolls..... they put him last in the round-up of trainees that still have to go (way at the end of the ep) so let's hope that's a good thing!!

hangyul, baby. I first met you through a survival show, and I was very thankful for it then. seeing as you didn't debut with the unit, I was also glad to see you in px101. but they messed you over, put something in front of you that was the realization of your dream, only for it to be taken away...

the fact that trainees were like "he was in X1!" damn near put me out. I know that you have a shit label, that they're really just looking for viral moment after viral moment to keep the group in the collective memory. but I also know that this might help you to advance once more, get closer to that realization again.

so now that you're back here, and in a context where I'm able to vote for you, please believe that I will. we'll do our damnedest to not let you down, gyul.