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cheollipop · 2 years ago

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love you goodbye

navi | taglist

pairing: park seonghwa x fem!reader

w.c.: 2.7k

tags: smut, angst, lots of angst, and even more angst

when seonghwa received a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, he all but threw himself at it—except, he had to leave you behind. with his plane ticket sitting idly on his bedside, he bids you one final goodbye.

warnings: breakup sex, unprotected sex (boooo 👎🏼), creampie, lots of crying (a LOT of crying), lots of L bombs too bc they're still very much in love and life SUCKS, nicknames (hwa, pretty girl, sweet girl, darling, love, sweetheart)

A/N: I feel the need to issue a formal apology for this one. once I started it, I just couldn't stop —I originally planned it to be around 1k words... but, well. ehem. anyway. this was kind of inspired by 2521 too, soo... enjoy? haha.. ha.

nsfw under the cut - minors dni!! 🔞

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You knew from the start that Seonghwa was hiding something from you, but you decided not to address it, not until he was ready to approach you on his own. He was never good at keeping secrets—a rush of nervous energy taking over him at the mere thought of it. He'd stutter when you'd question him, struggle to meet your eyes, fiddle with his thumbs—all telltale signs that he was a crumbling mess on the inside, guilt and anxiety eating at his very soul.

The signs started early this time, and yet, you pretended not to notice. How his mind would wander into unknown territory while you spoke about your day, his attentive eyes and curious nods replaced by a blank stare while he feigned engrossment. How he closed his laptop as soon as you stepped foot into the room, claiming he was suddenly tired and wanted to go to sleep when you questioned him. How he lied awake in bed hours after turning the lights off and kissing you goodnight, tossing and turning and exhaling deep sighs while he wrestled with his thoughts.

You remained patient, still set on waiting for him to take the first step. But when Seonghwa got into bed just before dawn reeking of cigarettes, the stench so strong you had to wash your sheets the next day, you couldn't sit still anymore. Especially so after seeing the ashtray on your balcony filled to the brim with the squashed buds—despite having emptied it two days ago—with two empty cigarette packets thrown haphazardly beside it on the small table.

"They offered me a job in Paris, and it's… it's a really good job," he'd answered when you finally confronted him. Once in a lifetime, he had described it. His dream job; something he had been working towards since before he'd met you. And so, who were you to ask him to stay? To ask him to let this opportunity go, simply to keep him for a little while longer? Before he began to hate you for it, before he realized that he shouldn't have listened to you—that he should have let you go when he had the chance.

So you told him to take it, pushing back the tears stinging at your eyes and plastering a smile onto your face—you could only hope it looked convincing. And yet, Seonghwa didn't look pleased. Quite the opposite, he began to cry, hot tears streaming down his face while he yelled and screamed at how unbelievable you were—letting him go so easily.

In spite of that, Seonghwa listened to you, accepting the offer. You knew you had to be supportive of his decision despite the burning in your chest when he stopped fighting against the idea of leaving you. Part of you hoped he would stay for you and still love you all the same, but it seemed like those two statements could never exist together.

You felt cruel for the satisfaction you felt at his hesitance while you sat down to book his plane ticket, locking in the decision the both of you dreaded. But still, you had to be supportive, even if that meant booking the ticket yourself because Seonghwa's hands wouldn't stop shaking. The breath of relief he exhaled after the confirmation screen loaded made your stomach stir, your dinner mixed with bile and pure despair inching their way up your system and collecting at the back of your throat. You swallowed them down and threw on your best smile, blinking away the tears threatening to fall.

"We should set a time to call. By the time I wake up, you would be at work, but if we-"

"Seonghwa," you interrupted, the lump in your throat growing bigger the more you heard him speak about the future.

You knew the second he told you about the job that you wouldn't be able to handle a long-distance relationship. You had been living together for over a year, dating for several more; having him more than ten meters away from you for longer than a day would be too absurd to comprehend. Seeing him less than three times a year? You'd be more convinced with a UFO outside your window.

"What? I promise I'll find the time, I just need to adjust my schedule and-" he continued and the throbbing in your chest almost made you double over in pain.

"Let's just end it all."

–

The slow ticking of the clock on the wall across from you, the suitcases packed full of Seonghwa's belongings, the insistent shuffling of bodies against the sheets—they all wrote themselves into the memory of his last day with you.

Seonghwa stilled above you, the sheen of sweat covering his body reflecting the moonlight where it peeked through the window. His eyes took in your expression, your features, and everything about you; all the while, his hands ran over the curves of your body, stopping momentarily to tweak at your nipples before wrapping around your waist.

"Hwa, please move," you whined and rolled your hips against him, his cock sheathed inside you.

Seonghwa slid a hand down to your hips, stilling their movements before leaning closer to press his lips to the corner of your mouth. He trailed kisses down to your jaw, then back up across your cheeks to your temple. His hips ground against yours, pressing against the gummy spot that made your eyes roll back.

"H-hwa, more," you took your bottom lip between your teeth, your nails digging into his biceps.

"Shh, there's no rush," he whispered against your skin, still placing kisses wherever he could.

You knew there was no rush. The way he made you fall apart on his tongue and fingers over and over again for what felt like hours was enough proof of that; but perhaps part of you was in a hurry to get this over with, this final goodbye that you'd been dreading for weeks. Seonghwa had looked at you with those big eyes, wet and glimmering as he spoke, "Can I have you? One last time. Please, let this be the last thing I ever ask of you." You had to pretend that his words did not shatter your heart, the pieces piercing through your insides every time he looked at you with anguish staining his features.

He's had you in every way possible, but this felt different. The slow grinding of his hips against yours, his cock heavy between your walls—still, he moved slowly, as if chasing his orgasm was the last of his concerns—his feathery touch raising goosebumps all over your skin. It was intimate in ways you never wished it to be, in ways that tore your heart out of your chest and left you bleeding out.

"How am I supposed to just let you go?" He breathed out against your neck while his hips continued their grinding, his pelvis brushing against your clit.

Your hands eased around his biceps, wrapping around him instead and pressing into his back. A bitter smile curled the corners of your lips. "I'm sure you'll find a pretty French lady as soon as you land-"

"But I want you," he pulled away from your embrace to look you in the eyes, his own heavy with tears. "I need you, (Y/n)."

Your eyes burned as hot tears gathered along your waterline. "You need to let me go, Hwa," your voice shook, barely over a whisper.

He wasn't oblivious to the facade you had been hiding behind, concealing your hurt to support his decision so he wouldn't beat himself up for leaving you. Perhaps he willingly chose to ignore it, finding it easier to believe that he was the only one bearing an aching heart. It was only now that he became conscious of his selfishness—leaving you to deal with your sorrow and grief alone rather than being there for you. Rather than being there for each other.

Seonghwa knew he couldn't go back to fix his mistakes, so he resorted to focusing on making you feel good, watching as pleasure overtook your features with every roll of his hips. His hand cupped your jaw, and his lips slotted against yours. You reciprocated, pressing your lips against his, and at that, Seonghwa almost let out a sigh of relief. The kiss was soft, gentle, paired with the easy twist of tongues.

In the few hours he had left with you, he wanted to have you in every way he could think of. Seonghwa wanted everything about you to forever be engraved into his mind—from your features and how they reacted everytime his cock pressed against your favourite spot, to the blush on your cheeks when he told you he loved you.

Seonghwa drew his length halfway out of you, sinking it back into your clenching heat, feeling your legs twitch against his hips as you took him inch by inch between your pulsing walls.

"Hwa, h-hwa, please just- ah," your nails dug into the soft skin of his back and you rolled your hips to meet his slow thrusts.

He reveled in the feeling of your cunt squeezing around him, sucking him in down to the base and refusing to let him go. He sucked a bruise under your jaw—something to remember him by; as if you could ever forget.

"Sweet girl," he kissed you, a gentle brush over your lips. "I love you so much."

His words sent a jolt of pain through your chest, tears pooling in your eyes once again. "Seonghwa…"

He ignored the strain in your voice. "Let me take care of you." He kissed away the trail of tears running down your temple. "Will you let me love you one last time?"

You brought your hands to Seonghwa's face, wiping away the wetness staining his precious skin. You nodded, a broken sob escaping you while you spoke, "one last time."

You held each other, bodies flush while Seonghwa pounded his cock into you, grinding his hips into yours before going back to fucking you at a relentless pace.

His eyes never wavered off your face, and he denied every request to change positions—he wanted to see you, to take you in fully, to write you so accurately into his mind he could draw you with his eyes closed.

"Nghhh, Hwa. Fuck- I'm so close," you moaned against his mouth before he muffled your sweet melodies with his lips.

He pressed his hand onto the underside of your thigh, spreading you open and allowing him to stuff you full of his cock with every thrust. Your legs trembled under his touch, a breath away from coming undone.

"Shit, you're squeezing me so well, my love. Oh, my pretty girl, I'm going to miss you so much," he nuzzled his nose against yours while he molded your lips together, swallowing all your moans.

The look in his eyes—so full of love and grief—was the last thing you remembered before you tipped over the edge, your body seizing up under Seonghwa as pleasure rushed through you like a shockwave. His fingers found your clit, rubbing circles around it while he continued to pump his cock into you.

"Hah, J-just a little more, a-ahh," he blew heavy breaths into your open mouth, his tongue slipping out to lick over your top lip. "Where do you want me, sweetheart?"

"I-Inside, please. Fill me up, Hwa," you clawed at his back, eyes shut tightly as the pain from overstimulation mixed with pleasure, Seonghwa's cock punching against the spot that made your back arch.

His hips stuttered, managing a few more sloppy thrusts before spilling his seed inside you, warmth spreading through your abdomen as ribbons of white decorated your walls. A series of I love you's streaming from the both of you as you rode out your highs.

Something hot dropped onto your cheek. Opening your eyes, you were met with Seonghwa's own, bloodshot and glassy with overflowing tears dripping onto your skin. His broken sobs pierced through the stillness in the room, shaking his whole body as they ripped through his chest, and the pain squeezed at your heart so tightly you thought it might arrest.

You held him against your chest while he cried, his softening cock still stuffed inside you. Rubbing slow circles into his back, you waited until his breathing steadied before you spoke.

"It's the right thing to do, leaving," you muttered, afraid to speak any higher.

He sniffled, burying his face further into your chest. "I know," he whispered, voice nasally and hoarse.

A few seconds of silence passed before you spoke again, your bottom lip wobbling as you tried to get the words out.

"Hwa, please be happy-"

"(Y/n), don't."

"Just let me- p-please, I need to-" your voice broke, tears falling into his hair and wetting the soft strands.

Seonghwa remained quiet, and you took it as a sign to continue.

"T-take care of yourself, and make sure you're not s-skipping meals," you sniffled, pressing your lips to his temple as you spoke. "Make friends so you're not alone there, and go out with your coworkers, but don't get t-too drunk because I won't be there to take care of you-" You felt his shoulders shake against you, wetness dripping down your collarbones. "I won't ask you to forget about me, I don't want that either. But at least try to find love, Hwa. I-I want you to be happy," you placed kiss after kiss against the side of his face, carding your fingers through his hair. "Are you even listening?"

You smiled against his temple when he nodded, his voice rough from crying, broken with sobs.

"I'm going to m-miss you so much."

–

Seonghwa lied awake for hours after you had tucked yourself into his chest, breathing out a final I love you before succumbing to the grip of sleep.

He heard the early birds singing outside your window, and yet the joyful melody did nothing to ease the harrowing ache in his chest. He stayed there long enough for them to leave their nest, soaring across the sky in celebration of the new day. But Seonghwa stayed there, lying on his side with his arms secured around your figure, storing every last detail about you—every last blemish scattered across your skin—into his mind. For hours, he studied the angle at which your nose sloped, the steady rise and fall of your chest, the way your fingers squeezed at his skin in your sleep, how the first rays of sunlight peeked through the open blinds to cast shadows over your features. He wondered how long it would be before he'd begin to forget certain things about you—the scent of your perfume, the way the corners of your eyes crinkled when you smiled, your favourite songs, your usual café order. He also wondered whether moving across the globe would even matter, if it made a difference, or would everything that made you so uniquely you be etched into his mind forever?

"Wake me up before you go," you'd told him before you fell asleep, but he couldn't bear having to say goodbye again. So he turned your alarms off, watching your peaceful expression and wondering what you were dreaming about. He hoped it was something nice, something other than him.

Quietly rolling his suitcases outside, Seonghwa walked back into your once shared bedroom, memories dripping off the painted walls. He crouched by your bedside, his eyes finding your face, resting calm and placid on your pillow. He pressed his lips against your forehead, keeping them there for a few seconds and inhaling the scent of your shampoo.

"I hope you get everything you've ever wanted, my love," he whispered against your skin, eyes prickling with tears. But I hope I never hear a thing about it, he added silently.

As Seonghwa closed the door behind him, his keys left behind on your kitchen island, he finally allowed reality to seep into his mind. He was leaving, and you were letting him go. He walked down the hallway while he tried to process the emotions rushing through him, his plane ticket sitting idly in his coat pocket.

There was no place for you and him in this world, not if the both of you wanted to be happy. But perhaps in another life, you would finally get your happy ending.

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#park seonghwa #seonghwa #ateez #seonghwa x reader #ateez x reader #park seonghwa x reader #ateez fanfic #seonghwa smut #park seonghwa smut #ateez smut #ateez ff #kpop #seonghwa x y/n #seonghwa angst #ateez angst #seonghwa imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez seonghwa

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ninothebirb · 7 months ago

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WE WERE ONCE ONE

Content Warning: Angst, fluff, implied sex, gn!reader, one sided love, minors dni, cheesy stuff?, mental trauma, etc

Please read the previous chapters (1, 2, 3) and the prologue if you haven't already!

Chapter 4: You and me

Might be the last chapter I think.

You spent the next few weeks locking yourself up, refusing to interact with anyone. Jing Yuan would visit you everyday, only to be told by Bailu that you weren't taking any visitors. Until he snapped, and snuck into your room from the window instead.

"Jing Yuan- seriously?" You threw the pillow you were clutching onto, on his face. "Hey, I can't stand seeing you like this." He rolled his eyes, shrugging off the pillow and walking over to your bed. "I'm pissed at you. So much." His tone changed almost immediately, it was somewhat a mix of worry and frustration.

"Why are you angry? I should be pissed at you, not the other way around." You glared at him, those gorgeous orbs of yours were hurt. He could see it, he could see the pain behind them. "Fuck (reader) you don't get it...you just wouldn't move on! You- went ahead and blindly depended on his existence- without considering any fucking factors!!"

This was the first time you had heard him raise his voice, and your natural reaction was to flinch. "Do you have any idea- how much I care for you- how much I worry every time for your mental fucking state. I wish that we would go back to them time when you trusted me with your life!" His hands were gripping your shoulders tight by now, trembling and shaking.

You were speechless, Jing Yuan, the smug general was on the verge of tears in front of your very eyes. "You refused to- to even hear what I had to say a-and- you left me alone- I hate you so much for that, but I fucking love you too." The intensity of the moment was eating you up, you thought he was the one without any suffering. Turns out this man had been going just as crazy as everyone in the post high cloud quintet.

"Y-You- you what?! Jing Yuan- you know I've devoted my whole being to Dan Feng how could you ever-" You were suddenly interrupted by him pulling you close to his heart, and you could hear his sniffles and sobs. "Please...give me a chance-" Nothing could describe the amount of emotions you were feeling. Confusion? Anxiety? Whatever it was, it was incomprehensible.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, his heartbeat was loud and his crying had fainted away. "You're an idiot." You mumbled against his chest softly, not sure how to respond to what he had just said. You gently retracted from the hug when you got no answer, only to find out he had fallen asleep.

The thought of Jing Yuan liking you all this time led you to a plethora of confusing thoughts. He had been your best friend- but you never saw him in that way. But- your heart worked in a different way. Being so deprived of affection and the feeling of being wanted for all these years made you have second thoughts.

You placed a blanket on him, and walked over to your balcony, indulging in the unsolved puzzle that your mind had turned into. You glanced back at Jing Yuan, going into a completely different relationship wasn't the best idea- but it was something you desired deeply. Dan Feng had moved on- going so far as to change his name. He didn't do it on purpose however, his memories had been wiped out.

Maybe...you needed some change. Maybe you could give this a chance and let yourself go for the time being. After all- you could never had predicted at that time what a future could uphold, so you couldn't predict it now either.

After a few hours, Jing Yuan had woken up with you sitting by his side. "I'm sorry..." He whispered softly, getting up. "Why?" You placed down the book you were reading, he was about to leave. You immediately grabbed a hold of his hand, making him stop in his steps. "I really shouldn't have said all that I-"

Your lips were now connected in a soft and sensual kiss, it was a gentle touch between you two. As if nothing mattered in that very moment except for you and Jing Yuan. He was left gaping after the kiss- completely jaw dropped. "I...thought about it- I s'pose...we can try.." You spoke so gently, walking up closer to him. He wrapped his arms around you once again- keeping you in his embrace. But this time it wasn't for comfort- it was to share what you had made. Together.

And that very night you guys fuck. Be top or bottom you can imagine whatever you want.

#jing yuan x gn reader #jing yuan x reader #honkai star rail #slow burn #honkai star rail x reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader #hsr #wewereonceone #romance #hsr fluff #fluffy #Jing Yuan x gender neutral reader

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writemekpop · 2 years ago

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Home Alone | Kim Jongin (Kai)

Summary: Your husband Kai accuses you of not trusting him with your baby daughter.

Genre: New parents AU, domestic, angsty, house hubby Kai

Word Count: 0.8k

You were trying to balance the dangerous job of straightening your hair while buttoning up a onesie for your one-year-old. The hot blades wavered ever closer to the soft blue cotton.

That was when you got the call. You threw down the phone. “My mother’s sick! She can’t take Jasmine!”

Your husband Kai sprang up. He had been kneeling on the floor, building a house of cards in the pristine emptiness of the living room you had just cleaned. The house collapsed with a sigh.

“I’ve got to leave,” you groaned, lifting your baby daughter Jasmine into your arms. “Hey Jazzy, have you ever been to a board meeting before?”

The baby giggled.

Kai stepped forward, running his hands through his disheveled hair. “Hey, I can take her!” He frowned. “It’s not like I’ve never looked after Jazz.” He paused, his face falling blank. “Actually… you have never asked me to look after Jazz. How come?”

Your heart rate was increasing just hearing his words. Everything came into sharp focus. Kai’s odd combination of Hawaiian shorts, a silk shirt and flip-flops. The cigarette butts still smouldering in the ashtray on the balcony he thought you didn’t know about.

The sound of your phone alarm, titled, LEAVE THE HOUSE BITCH, began to buzz like an angry wasp in your ear.

“Um, yes, sweetie, of course I want you to look after Jasmine, it’s just-“ you scrambled for a lie. “You’re… too… busy! I don’t want to get the way of your fancy actor work!”

He frowned. “But baby, you know shooting hasn’t started yet.”

You needed a better excuse. “But your lines. You have to learn them. I would rather than die than keep you away from your lines.”

You could almost hear the drone of the station announcer: “Last call for the 8:05 train. Last call…”

Kai grinned in disbelief. “You’re saying I can’t look after Jazz… because I have to read a script?” He frowned. “Do you not trust me to look after our daughter?”

“Oh, Kai.” You squeezed your temples. “I don’t have time for this. Fine You want the truth?. No, I don’t trust you with my child.”

“Our child.” Kai scoffed. “And you can’t say that! How could you?”

You gestured to the pigsty that was the apartment. “You’re irresponsible. You’re untidy. You’re out partying every night-“

You were about to say more, but you stopped yourself. Some things were too true to say. Everybody deserved a few lies to cling onto.

Kai sighed, and you hated how well he knew you. “Go on. Say what you’re thinking.”

You sighed. “Oh… and acting is not a real job!”

Kai bit his lip, pain flashing over his handsome features. “So, what was your big plan? Keep her from me for the next eighteen years?

You tried to deny it, but fell silent when you saw the pain in his eyes. “N-not eighteen. Maybe… ten.”

And suddenly, you felt like an awful person. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. You- you’re a great father, you just… don’t have the skills yet to look after her. The knowledge.”

Kai sighed. His voice was very quiet. “I know that she naps between eleven and one. I know that Fuzzy is her favourite toy. I know that she can’t sleep on her tummy, or drink cow’s milk, or have too many baths.”

“How did you…” you started. “I read those parenting books that you aways leave lying around,” Kai said, crossing his arms.

You stepped towards him, smoothing your hands over his face. “I had no idea…”

You pressed your lips to his, and in the shape of his firm body, his scent, you almost lost yourself.

Kai gently pulled away, crooning, “Go. As much as I’d like you to stay, your genius is needed at a board meeting. I’ve got her.”

You smiled, picking up your bags. “Okay. But I am FaceTiming you in an hour. Every hour, actually.”

Kai grinned, that lopsided grin that made you giddy when you were still nineteen and an extra on some unknown TV show. You may have given up on acting, but you never gave up on the boy of your dreams.

You left a little piece of your heart with Kai and Jasmine, then shrugged on your blazer and stepped out into the brightening morning light.

—

MAIN MASTERLIST

Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋

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zodiacs-web · 11 months ago

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Colors Of Time

╰₊✧ Hobie Brown x Gn!Reader

╰₊✧ Synopsis: The things you do with Hobie when he visits

╰₊✧ What's in the web: Fluff, relationship is ambiguous

╰₊✧ A/n: I did actually take my time to edit. Please tell me if I made any mistakes, my computer often doesn't pick up on it and neither do I. Anyway, early gift for my return.

Often, when Hobie comes over late at night, his footsteps and the sound of the portal are the first things to wake you up. You've aligned your schedules so that he can come visit you on your day off. Meaning that he comes late just to spend a little more time with you.

Your head turns to the door, squinting at him as he stands there for a full minute. God, he always does this. You playfully roll your eyes before plopping your head back onto the pillow. He finally moves. The bed is dipping at your feet. With your eyes shut, you hear him kick off his boots, change into different clothes, and then shuffle towards the empty side of the bed before climbing in next to you.

You open your eyes to find him looking at you, not a noise is made before you're turning over once more. You feel his hands wrap around your waist and pull you closer as he lets out a breathy laugh. You found it strange that he just lets his hair collide with the pillow, knowing he'll regret it later.

This guy...

Suddenly, you're awoken to the feeling of hands detaching from you, with the bed eventually shifting back into place. Your eyes slowly lift open, watching as his figure goes out into the other rooms. You weakly turn to your side before pushing yourself up. You sit there for a few minutes, staring at the wall until the sound of sizzling gathers your attention.

Ah, breakfast... I forgot about that...

Usually, it'd be you who would make breakfast, waking up early to get enough food set for the both of you. What a day to see him actually getting up early. You sigh before pushing yourself up and walking over to the kitchen. You find him shoving eggs onto a plate next to waffles. How long were you staring at that wall?

You can't help but notice the clothes he's wearing, it's an old pair of pajama pants and a cool de-saturated green shirt. You bought them online, not knowing they'd be a bit too long on you. He hands you the plate before twisting you towards the table, a gentle push placed onto your back.

The eggs were soft and creamy, always cooked to perfection. The waffles had a crisp to them on the outside while the inside had a soft and fluffy texture while syrup coated them. You loved it when he made breakfast it was a rare delight but a wonderful one indeed. When you're finished, the plates are often left untouched in the sink. You hated doing dishes, and so did he.

A task often left for future you.

You and he return to the bedroom. You grab clothes to change into later, while he picks up the clothes he threw on the floor last night. He only changes while you shower. When you get out, you quickly put on lotion and change, rushing to the best part.

He grabs a stool from the kitchen and places it in front of the mirror. With the blow dryer in hand, he releases your hair from the towel with the other. He gently runs a comb through your hair while warm air is flowing through your scalp, soothing every part of you. He often helps you do your hair, but today, you'll let it do whatever it pleases.

Eventually, you both end up on the balcony, you watching down on people with him reading a book from your world. You look over at him with his hair seemingly messed up from the pillow. It has been at least two hours since you last woke up, and he has not bothered to fix it.

"So, you're not going to fix it?" You question him.

"I think it's fine, I didn't move much anyway," He inquires.

"Liar,"

"I'm not lyin' I barely moved at all,"

"Yeah, and I'm a god visiting earth,"

You both only stare at each other before he sighs.

"Maybe I did move."

"You...!!"

#zodiac's web #im going to bed #goodnight #*proceeds to explode and die*#atsv x reader #atsv hobie #hobie x reader #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x you #hobie brown x y/n #hobie x you #hobie x y/n #spiderpunk x reader #atsv

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goshen-applecrumbledore · 1 year ago

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Happy WW! Question for this lovely Americana week: If you HAD to take the boys outside of America either on a quick job or to live for awhile, where would you make them go and why? I hate that we had that quick phone call with Bobby where Sam and Dean went abroad (Scotland, I think?) and we saw NONE of it! As much as I love my red-blooded American boys, I think we've been deprived of a great plot point!

hello!! what a great question thank you!!

the short answer: I'm Canadian and would love to see some Canada action, but the only canada-related plots in TV are hamfisted and cringe, so I can't imagine what spn would actually do with that that would be good

the long answer is a snippet from a fic I'll never publish that I KNOW I've posted on tumblr before but I can't figure out where, so I'm posting it again:

"You hung over?" Dean asked. Sam shrugged.

"Nah. Took some Advil."

"Good, good." Dean let a smile spread slowly over his face. "You, uh, really had a few."

"No more than you."

"You went on your little rant again."

Sam went still and looked over. Dean's smile was cranked up to a thousand watts.

"Which rant?" Sam asked carefully.

“You know which rant. Every time I get more than four drinks in you, you find a way to bring up moving to another country and telling people that we have the same last name because we’re married.”

Sam rolled his eyes, but Dean saw his back get tight. He was embarrassed.

“Excuse me for finding creative solutions to the ongoing problem of dating my brother.”

"Have you considered not dating your brother?"

"Shut up, Dean."

Dean put his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands and made faces at him.

"This time it was Portugal. You said we could live in a seaside shack in Portugal. You were worried they weren't progressive enough, though. Then I said, if we want progressive, we're stuck with either California or Canada or maybe Oregon on a good day, and you said that wasn't far enough away, except maybe Canada."

"Would you please—"

"You know a surprising amount of Canadian lore, turns out. Have you been doing research? House hunting? I'm not moving to Canada, we'd never get guns again."

"Canada's too close," Sam grumbled. "Go away."

"Canada's big. And rural. Bet we can find a place backwards enough for our, uh, alternative lifestyle. But—"

"Alright, that's—"

"—I'd be willing to bet that any fucked-up commune that's down with the incest part would be extremely not down with the gay part—"

"Dean."

"—So maybe we'd just better keep being weird, violent hermits in Kansas for now."

"Are you done?" Sam asked, sounding physically pained.

"Are those pancakes done?"

"If it'll shut you up, they are."

"Deal."

Sam took the plate of warmed pancakes out of the oven and all but threw it down in front of Dean, leaving him to get his own utensils and syrup.

Sam had been very excited about Portugal. Dean thought it was grossly sweet, but he wasn't about to miss an opportunity to rib Sam by doing something as stupid as agreeing with him out loud. He knew it would never happen, but thinking about it made his heart turn over; two matching silver rings tapping on the railing of a balcony, sun-bleached stucco and curtains fluttering in the hot wind. Drinking vinegary pilsners and driving along a winding coastline, two old American guys with omnipresent sunburns and no past. Sam with his hair in a ponytail, reading a book under a beach umbrella.

Dean blinked and shook his head as if clearing sun spots from his vision. Maybe Sam thought about that life while he was drunk, but Dean thought about it sober. He really, really tried not to dwell on that delta. It made everything less funny.

#roncillary #ronanswers

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depressedbagpipe · 2 years ago

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Frenemies to lovers trope where billy Russo & you are each others secret Santa. What do you think that would be like?

let the hunger games begin :)

ah shit, here we go again

the only scenario that comes up to my head is billy being the boss and you being either his assistant or some other close worker of his at anvil

and maybe you all attended some workshop where you learned that group activities could boost the company's productivity so Secret Santa became a tradition shortly after

and for the first time, billy *actually* decides to participate after some peer pressure from other workers

now, you absolutely despised his guts

not like you genuinely hated him, but maybe working for someone 24/7 creates that sort of annoyance at having to organize someone else's life for them

he definitely kept you up all night working because he is the first one in and the last one out

this is turning a bit into devil wears prada but you get me

and the odds were never in your favor so naturally you get him as your Secret Santa

and you're complaining to your friend about what to get him as a gift

because what on earth do you gift a man who absolutely has everything already

and the way he treats you doesn't make it any better

because you're his employee, and the only person who always gets his coffee order right

but besides that knows absolutely nothing about you

so imagine his shock when he got you as his Secret Santa

now, if anything, this man is resilient

if he wants something, he'll stop at nothing to get it

so the long hours spent at his office where the two of you are working slowly turn into friendly conversations

initially, he wanted to know just enough about you to get you something he knew you'd like, but over time you actually became close

just imagine the slow-burn

i can see Secret Santa being assigned a few months in advance so everyone would have enough time to buy things

and during those months, billy and you keep growing closer

one day you're running late and when you get to your desk, your usual coffee order is sitting there

and you look up to see billy on a phone call, but his eyes briefly meet yours and he winks at you

and your face heats up in a way that's never happened before but you nod your head at him in appreciation and take a sip regardless

and these little acts keep happening until the Christmas party

Billy probably threw some big event, like a charity of sorts or a gala for new investors and clients

like black tie kinda thing

people everywhere are giving each other their Secret Santa gifts

and at midnight you go out on a balcony or the roof or literally any romantic space available in the building where you can be alone for a while

because you're the main character and need your alone time

so naturally, billy's already looking for you

mind you, this party is taking place a few days before christmas

i don't think billy would be that much of an asshole to have everyone working and dressing up on Christmas eve/day

and you're making small talk like your heart isn't beating loudly in your chest at the proximity

cause you don't really feel like his assistant right now

so then billy pulls out this velvet box from his pocket and reveals the surprise

and you frown as you open it and you tear up because it's a beautiful diamond locket with that one quote from that one book you love so much

you definitely bonded over literature, by the way, because i say so

obviously, you're at a loss for words because that's just too expensive but he insists on you keeping it

'cause he made it especially for you, 'because you deserve it'

and then you give him your gift

kinda matches too, maybe the most beautiful hardcover edition of the Picture of Dorian Gray

you tell him how you had to call in some favors

pull a few strings too

this is an afterthought but imagine being friends with a designer/editor/publisher and you get him this special edition with his face on it as if he were dorian gray (the multiverse is running wild lately)

and you recall that one conversation where you both stayed up late just talking and drinking, sitting on the floor of his office where you both accidentally poured your hearts out

but then were too drunk to remember what happened later

billy said that was his favorite book, and you remembered!

'of course I've remembered.'

and now billy is just looking at you with that glazed look he always gets like 'no one's ever thought of me that much'

and next thing you know he's kissing you with all that pent-up sexual tension

only this time you both recall what happened next ;)

you're still his employee but yeah, secretly dating from now on just adds more spice to your romance

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo x y/n #billy russo x you #the punisher #bagpipe writes #billy russo headcanons

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asksuccubussides · 1 year ago

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What if you were an asexual succubus, wouldn't that be fucked or what Chapter 6

Masterpost of the chapters

'Aight. I told Emile I'd like lost my sunglasses by the balcony so we should have some like alone time now' Remy signed while sitting down beside Remus 'Sooo like what's our game plan?'

"Plan?..Like for destroying the planet or just some casual murder?"

'Girl! For when you gotta go back to earth to feed!' Remy gave him the look equivalent of calling him stupid while making a sound equivalent to "????"

"What!? Prison cells got doors don't they!? If I get caught I'll just go on home to hell! Or I can finally try to gnaw my way out through concrete babbeeeyy!"

'Do you even think you can like feed off a human without like going all killer and trying to eat one again??'

Remus huffed and puffed to pretend to be offended "Uuuuh I'm not a wild animal dude. If anything I should be making detailed plans about how to murder angels!"

Remy tightly held onto their friend's wrist "You're. Not. Going. To. Heaven!"

He pushed them aside and forced their hands off of him "I don't want to feed off humans anymore"

"Oh so you're just like choosing death via starvation then??? yeah sounds like such a totally good idea. Real cool. I guess it¨s more badass then being sent to heaven but it still fucking sucks!" They threw out their arms "There's no other way for you to survive girlie!"

"I'LL MAKE A WAY!"

"Cause your attempt at eating a human went sooo weellll"

Remus opened his mouth and smacked his lips as if he was about to argue back while desperately trying to think of a good argument. He waved his finger around before wheezing out.

"My first try at sex didn't go good either soooo" He shrugged "I mean genitals are kinda fucking weird y'know. No one had told me you couldn't switch genties midway through....Okay somebody had told me not to do it. But I wanted to see what would happen!!"

"Don't remind me. And Girl you're not eating anotha human"

"I won't! You try to eat a human ONE time and suddenly people think it's your favorite hobby! I wasn't even gonna eat All of them! Just a few parts!"

Remus spun around and tapped his feet like he was about to leave when Remy asked "Do you think you can...you want to like....feed on a human ever again?" He didn't answer "If you really can't like take the whole sex with humans thing anymore I'm like totally sure I can like help you..." They rolled their eyes slightly while moving their hand as if to make their point more obvious "Like if fucking a friend is like better"

"Dude I'd rather chew on your foot and then regurgitate it onto the floor. I-" Remus nervously plucked at scabs on his hands, He had already bitten his nails down to the point they bleed "Whatever. I need to go read up on how to kill angels!"

"Should you tell Roman?"

Remus just waved their question off as he hurried to leave the room. He did a big point of sulking and slouching with his hands deep in his pockets and his curls falling down in front of his eyes as he walked towards the library of the succubus quarters.

There was no way Roman could know. Aside from her being terrible at keeping secrets, the worry would tear her apart....And what if she ratted him out to the manager. What if she hated him that much.

The succubi library was sparse and small. There were a few bookshelfs and a table in the middle of the room with a tiny pitiful lamp. The chair wasn't even comfartable and of course the entire room was drenched in that awful white color every room in the succubi quarters seemed to be. The books weren't even categorised in any way!

His eyes wandered over the book spines and most of them seemed to be written by demons. Some biographies and memoirs from the pride circle, self help and weight loss books from the envy circle, a book about crypto from the greed circle. Though honestly most of them were clearly just self indulged dream projects.

The image of a lone demon quietly writing away under the covers at night came up as soon as Remus grabbed at some silly adventure book or short novel about love.

Finally he managed to find some factual books but most of them were about sex. Safe sex, dangerous sex, radiactive sex. All the kind.

All of a sudden it started to feel like something was pressing down on Remus' chests but he didn't know why. It got hard to breathe and his sight got blurry but he tried to ignore it and just keep looking for information on angels but he couldn't find anything. he couldn't see anything.

The taste of human flesh filled his mouth again as his stomach turned.

"Rem-bem? I didn't even know you knew where the library was" Emile's airy voice followed by a chuckle made Remus nearly jump out of his skin. "Have you seen my honeybun's sunlgasses? They said they'd lost them somewhere around here"

His eyes twitched as he turned to look at Emile "I-" He tried to keep his breathing as stable as possible but his voice still shook "I'm- I-"

Emile moved forward and gently put his hand against Remus' forehead "You look like you're running a fever. When was the last time you ate?"

Remus parsed his lips to say that he'd eaten enough but all he could get out was more shakey words before finally gasping out "I'm going to die"

"Please, modern medicine makes a fever hardly anything to die over. Let's sit you down"

He helped Remus to the uncomfortable chair next to the table before jumping up to sit on the table. He kicked his feet mindlessly over the edge of the table while patting his friend's hand. Remus dug his fingernails into Emile's hand.

"You know anything about angels?" He spat out between ragged breathes.

Emile let out a forced laugh "Only as much as any other demon would know"

His nails pierced through their skin "Remy always says they like angels. They think they're cute. Even the wings. Rem gets like all of their info from you, you gotta know something"

"Pff, they don't get ALL of their information from me. I know absolutely nothing about sleeping like a sloth for example! I didn¨t know snor mimimi meant sleep! They taught me that"

"I just need to know something- anything about them!"

Emile cupped his cheeks "Has something happened?"

"I want to kill them....I...don't want to go. I don't want to go!"

He brought Remus into a hug and let his head rest against his own chest as Rem kept shaking. he didn't have to say anything more, in that instant Emile knew he had done something irrevercable.

"I think Roman said he was going to come back to hell around noon so he should be here soon" Emile said while combing their hand through Remus' uneven hair "Do you want us to talk to her about this whole situation?"

Remus shook his head without moving away from the hug.

"Okay...That's okay. We can tell her at some other time. It's okay buddy" Emile stared at the white walls while thinking "...Angels aren't as scary as the gossip makes them sound like. They're just like demons. An angel would have been in just as much danger if they were suddenly dropped into hell as we would be if we got sent up there"

"I don't wanna go"

"I'm not going to let you-"

Emile suddenly quieted and held his hand lightly over Remus' mouth. His eyes darted around as he listened for something. Until he just as suddenly started pushing on for Remus to go.

'Hide!' Emile signed in a hurry.

Remus ran to the corner of the room and hunched down behind one of the bookcases. He pressed himself as close as he could to the ground and held his breathe. From between the gaps in the books he could see Emile grabbing the closest book and flipping it open to pretend to read it.

It took a moment until Remus heard it. The distant sound of footsteps approaching with the kind of weight behind it no succubi had. He held his breathe and listened to the door to the library creak as it opened. Light shone in but it didn't reach his corner.

The light turned into a light hue of orange as the manager stepped into the room. Out of the corner of Remus' eye he could see the tall six armed demon walk up to Emile. He'd never seen them in the same room together before, Remy had always been so sure about telling Emile to not join them in their meetings.

A sick feeling started in Remus' mouth and clogged it's way down his throat until it filled his entire chest as he wondered why The Manager was in the succubi quarters when there wasn't a meeting. He knew why but he tried to pretend like he was still asking why.

"Oh..." There was a surpised tone to the manager's voice, nearly bordering on disappointed "Hello. Aren't you Remy's little pet? The traitor? I thought you would have been discarded and dead by now"

"I'm reading and you a disrupting me" Emile loudly slammed his book shut "So if you could be a dear and leave that would be nice"

"Well I am looking for the angry twin. You should know who I mean if you know Remy. Have you seen him" It was said as less of a question and more in the harsh tone of an order.

"You're not my manager so therefore hmm" The sound of Emile clicking his tongue and pretending to think came "That means I don't have to answer to you!"

There was a sudden slam like a fist hitting a table. Remus turned his hands into tight fists in case Emile needed his help. Instead he heard a low hissing sentence coming from the manager, as if he was pulling the words from deep in his throat.

"Yes you damn do! One word from me and you slut and that deaf idiot is getting-"

"They're my lover" Emile's smile could practically be heard.

Another slam into the table "I am very aware of how hard your kind has when it comes to lying convicingly so you will tell me where the twin is and you won't even try to trick me because I already know you know"

Emile tilted his head "Which twin was it you were looking for now again?"

"You know damn well which one!"

"It's not his fault your squadron is so low ranked. It was low ranked even when I got here. I think you're just putting the blame onto him so you have a reason to let your blatant anger issues out" Emile was laying on the sickingly sweet therapy like voice extra thick.

A loud sound came but Remus couldn't understand what it was. He shifted ever so slight to the left and began to crawl along the floor trying to get closer to the other two.

"If you know I know anyhow why do you even have to ask me" Emile continued "Unless you only want to make me throw my friend under the bus to have a way of controlling me"

The manager lowered his voice "The only reason you and Remy are still alive is because killing someone like you wasn't beneficial! But it's been decades Emile! You really think anyone remembers you. Really think anybody would care if you were killed"

"I wouldn't want to live with myself if I hurt a friend like that anyhow"

"Would you rather live without Remy then"

A beat passed and then a sudden scream from Emile. Like nothing Remus had ever heard from him before.

"NO! NO! STOP!"

Remus grabbed the nearest book before jumping out from behind the bookshelf he'd been hiding. He threw the book so it hit the manager right on the head.

"Boo!"

The manager stopped and turned his head towards Remus. He was holding his arm above his head with Emile desperately reaching out to grip onto his hand.

"I just now climbed in the backdoor to scare you...Bitch!" Remus lied while signing for Emile to go! go! go!

Emile had turned pale as a sheet as he slowly retracted his hands and backed out of the room. He didn't stop staring at the manager until he was just about outside the room when he immediately ran away to find Remy.

Without saying a word the manager went to close the door before looking back at Remus. His towering frame made it impossible for Remus to try and run away.

"You hurt a human"

Remus blood ran cold "I didn't have a choice" He spat back.

"Yes you did" There was no emotion in the manager's voice "And either way violence is not something succubi are made to do. If you were in any actual danger you should have just let it happen. You have known the rules and your purpose ever since you were made! And yet you still did it!"

"Roman wasn't there. He doesn¨t know"

The manager chuckled lightly "Obviously! Otherwise the other twin would have been here same as you" He took a few steps closer to the succubi "I have always been fascinated by you...And annoyed, irritated, hateful. But mostly fascinated"

Remus felt his skin hit against the table as he tried to back away.

"The demons creating your lot has been doing this job for centuries. How could they have gotten it so wrong when they made you. I've even wondered if msking you was some sort of joke, as if they were trying to make the worst possible succubus"

The succubi scraped his fingernails against the downside of the table to try and feel how sharp they were.

"..How about this" The manager were as close as he could be "I could look aside this little incident, the human didn't even die after all, if you...let me fix you"

The manager placed his hand against Remus' thigh and let his fingers wander upwards while leaning so close his harsh breathe hit against Remus' cheek.

within an insant the succubi had stabbed his nails into the flesh of the manager's hand. But he didn't draw blood, he didn't even break the skin.

"THERE'S NOTHING BOUT ME TO FIX!" Remus screamed "And the only things wrong with me is my demented fucking brain and my shitty sense of humor!"

The manager leant back and straightened his posture once more. His eyes flickered up and down Remus "I see" He said in a dry tone.

In one overwhelming dizzy spur of movement the manager's many arms took ahold of Remus' hair and dragged him out into the hallway. The succubi pulled at his hair and swatted with his tail but nothing worked. His body froze when he saw guards waiting outside the door. They took ahold of him in the same way he had seen them take ahold of the oh so many Punished succubi he'd seen.

He kicked his legs and yelled and thrashed his head around and screamed and screamed and screamed. A crowd had started to gather in the hallway, dozens of eyes leering at him.

"I DON'T EVEN REGRET IT! I WOULD HAVE BITTEN ANOTHER FUCKING HUMAN IF I COULD!" Remus yelled while continuing to trash around.

Everything was a blur and the air was thick like oil. His eyes searched for his brother in the crowd. Emile. Remy. Anyone. But none of them were there.

Remus was dragged into the meeting room and the doors shut tight behind him. He fell to the floor on his knees as the guards let him go. His mind was screaming at him to run but he saw the manager's shoes in front of him before he had the chance to.

The manager took a handful of his hair and forced his head back so his eyes stared up at the gleaming eyes of the demon.

"Any last words?"

Remus spat up at him "Next time I'll kill the bastard I'm attacking"

"That's preciesly the spirit you need"

The words didn't really reach Remus as he heard yells coming from the hallway outside. His chest began to ache as he felt his brother trying to get to him. He could just about make out Roman yelling his name over and over.

Even with the manager still holding him in place Remus managed to turn his head around to see Roman crashing through the door. The two guard demons quickly took ahold of her. She trashed around just as he had and even let out her wings in a desperate attempt to free herself from the guards.

"ROMAN! RO-RO!"

"REMUS! LET GO OF HIM!" Roman yelled right into the guard's faces "HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING!"

She tried to reach out her arm and graps for him but they weren't even near. The last thing Remus saw was tears going down his brother's cheeks before the manager forced Remus to look up at him. One of his many hands held the succubi's face in his palm before his fingers forcibly parsed his lips.

The manager's fingers dug into his mouth and his nails left cuts on Remus' tongue.

"Speak no evil!"

The pain was instant.

His eyessight completely whitened from shock as he to his stomach. His hands stretched out looking for some comfort, some relief. It was hard to move and even harder to breathe.

Something was clogging up his throat and when he coughed he realized it was blood. He puked up the mix of bile and blood onto the cold marble floor. One of his teeth fell out alongside it.

In the blur of pain his eyes darted around the room trying to find his brother until seeing Roman laying passed out on the floor. Her body was shaking and her fingers twitching. Remus tried to drag himself closer but the manager took a single step in front of him and stopped him completely.

Remus glanced up at the demon and felt the fear of heaven fill him.

"You were quite effecient when you hurt that human" The manager said but the sounds just made Remus' head hurt even more.

He parsed his lips and tried to yell out his brother's name but not a single sound came out.

The manager snapped his fingers in front of Remus' face "Listen to me. We want you to go seduce a human and then kill them, okay? It's easy. It's what you said you wanted was it not"

Remus tried to let out a confused whine. Again, nothing.

"Don't worry. You can still talk to humans, I know you're awful at seducing so I wanted to make it a bit easier on you"

The manager placed a knife into the palm of Remus' hand.

"Just make the human sin and then kill them and your twin is going to be alright. Easy. You have my word"

The mention of Roman made Remus nod along even though his head was still spinning too much to even understand.

"Good" The manager half heartedly patted him on the shoulder "The human's name is Janus. Got it"

The manager didn't give him a chance to answer. He pulled Remus along by the arm to the closest door and opened it to earth.

Remus was still trying to yell out to his unconcious brother as he got thrown out onto earth and the door slammed shut behind him.

The rain was pouring down onto the concrete creating puddles around his bare feet. He pulled in the handle and opened his mouth to say the code needed to open the gateway to hell but his heart sank as he realised he couldn't.

He was stuck on earth.

Still he banged his fists against the door until his knuckles were bloody and when he couldn't anymore he took the knife and tried to jam it open but nothing worked.

He hit his head against the door before curling up with the knife close to his chest. The puddles of water reflected his face back to him and he flinched as he saw that a single streak of his hair had turned the exact same shade of white as Remy's hair.

When he opened his mouth he realized his entire tongue had turned white as well.

Janus. The name of the human he was supposed to make sin and then kill filled his mind and soon enough he felt his heart being pulled towards the direction of the human in a similar way to how he had been able to feel where his brother was. His chest ached at the loss of not feeling Roman.

He clinged to the knife in his hand. All he had to do was kill and then everything would be alright again and Roman would be okay and Remy and Emile would be safe and nothing would be wrong.

Like in a trance his feet stumbled forward across the pavement onto the soft grass wet from the rain. The college he was in front of was dark and quiet aside from a lone light shining from the library building.

Remus held the knife tightly as he peered in through the window and saw Janus sitting all alone.

#sanders sides #tss #remus sanders #thomas sanders #roman sanders #emile picani #remy sanders #what if you were an asexual succubus wouldnt that be fucked up or what

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blarrghe · 2 years ago

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hi hi bb may i please have 'Characters who stay up all night after a heated argument with another character, only to grab and catch them before they stumble over and hit the ground in the morning' for Taren and Dorian?

Alright, I guess they aren't perfect all the time and sometimes argue :') Keepin' it canon because apparently that's what I'm doing with these now.

@dadrunkwriting

Taren wouldn't be able to sleep now, so he didn't.

He was bad at it anyway, (part of the problem, that), he was too angry, anyway.

Taren paced, up and down the length of the too-large Inquisitor's Chambers. Then he sat at the desk and drew, scribbling out designs that were all headed straight for the trash. He stewed. He had a bad habit of stewing.

Dorian would be down in his own chambers, sleeping. Or he'd be in the tavern, drinking. Or he'd be in Bull's room. Again.

And he'd still be right.

Damn him, but he would be. Because it had been nothing and meant nothing and also, to Dorian's credit, had always been completely Taren's idea. From beginning to end. And there had been, if there'd even been a beginning, an end.

From the start, Dorian had said, "you're the Inquisitor, we can't."

Taren had only ever not cared when he'd been drunk.

And then Dorian would say, "you're drunk, we can't."

He had been right about that too.

But they had once. And they'd been drunk, but it had been --

And after that they'd agreed that it had been worth it, but they'd never agreed that it would be anything else. He was the Inquisitor. He couldn't. He did care. He'd wished he didn't.

And then, now, all of a too-late sudden, he didn't. Not about being the Inquisitor. Not anymore.

Too late.

Or, possibly, it would not have been too late if Dorian hadn't slept with Bull in the interim, he thought bitterly.

Or, possibly, it would not have been too late if he hadn't said that to him, loudly, jealously, without any right.

Taren tapped his quill on the desk. He read letters and attempted to answer them. He was known for his calm and measured responses, even to the most outrageous of requests. Even in the most tense of situations.

The look on his face, the pure shock and doubt that glimmered in his wide eyes. Dorian had expected the Inquisitor. Taren hadn't cared.

He did now, (he had then), he regretted it now.

What had he said? Nothing outright cruel. Only sharp, only short. Only enough to make him leave.

Enough that he would not be back, (that he'd be in Bull's bed), that he'd give him a cold shoulder for a while.

Not so much, maybe, that they could not stay...

Was the Inquisitor able to have friends?

Probably not.

Taren stood from the desk. He crumpled responses to letters that had come out too angry and sketches that had come out too heavy-handed, and threw them with too much force at the waste bin. He briefly considered setting the waste bin on fire. Fire was not his magic, (it was Dorian's), healing was.

Taren took a book from the shelf beside the desk, and sat to read it in his bed. The book covered the Chantry-sanctioned, Circle-ordained, proper methods of healing magic. He hated it. He considered setting it on fire. He went to the balcony, and paced some more.

It was cold on the balcony, and he did not bother to make it warm. The stars were out, far enough away to not care that he was the Inquisitor, so he stared up at them. He stared up at them and he thought about nothing, (he thought about Dorian), he thought about duty, (he thought about home), he thought about the people who depended on him, (he thought about Dorian), he thought about love.

He thought about how wrong he'd been. He thought up an apology. He thought about his anger. He came up with several worse things he could have said. He came up with several more apologies.

He watched the stars fade, the sky turn pink, the stable hands and guards as they set to work in the grounds down below.

Taren stood from the cold stone of the balcony. His rear ached, his eyes ached, (they were also red with shed tears), his head ached.

He moved slowly, he splashed water over his face and he practiced looking Heraldly in a gilded mirror over the wardrobe. He sighed at the reflection in the gilded mirror over the wardrobe. He walked to the door to his chambers, opened it, and stepped slowly down its creaking stairs.

At the bottom he crashed into Dorian. He stumbled, mumbling an apology until Dorian straightened him with hands at both his shoulders, and looked him in the eyes.

"Inquisitor," Dorian smiled a signature smile, (a false smile), as he gave Taren's shoulder a fixing brush.

Taren nodded, and snapped his eyes back forward. The hall, the throne, the mingling nobles and servants and mages and Templars.

"I thought I should apologize," Dorian muttered next, low and careful, but an explanation more than anything. An explanation for why he was coming up just as Taren was coming down.

"You shouldn't," Taren replied, eyes still forward, "but I should." He took a breath, eyeing the crowd. He let his eye drift back to Dorian's. "I will, later."

"Well," Dorian gave his shoulder another pat, shot him another smile that wasn't real, (yes it was), and turned to face the hall again. "You know where to find me."

#my fic #my writing #dadwc #they have a couple big fights but here are thoughts on an early one......

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anthonysstupiddailyblog · 2 years ago

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Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (409): Sun 30th Apr 2023

In the early hours I tuned in to game six of the Lakers first round game against the Grizzlies and threw my fists into the air with pride when they absolutely battered them finishing an astonishing 225-85! They have now beaten the Grizzlies 4 games to 2 and are now through to the quarter finals. It’s been a long god damn time since I’ve been this proud to be a Lakers fan (2020 when they won the championship to be precise). I’m not even fully sure how it happened especially since the Grizzlies were number two in the Western conference. How the Lakers managed to annihilate them but get utterly destroyed by the Houston Rockets last month who were in last place with 15 games is beyond my comprehension. What made this game all the more special was that the legendary Jack Nicholson was seen courtside for the first time this season. Some had feared hat he had retired from public life altogether but maybe he has just resolved to only venture out for the really important games. It’s especially good to see him since that photo made the rounds of him on his balcony “looking disheveled”. Like the TMZ cunts who started circulating this picture look like they’ve just had a day at a health spa when they first get out of bed in the morning. Jesus Christ, imagine actually thinking “85 year old man looks 85” is worthy of being a news item. Well bye bye Grizzlies, better luck next year but as for the Lakers they are off to the quarter finals where they will take on the winner of the Kings and the Warriors.

I got summoned to shipping first thing this morning. After I went to get a scanner one of the team leads in the outbound shipping area asked me if I would be interested in moving to shipping full time and I said SHIT YEAH! I’ve been hoping someone from another department would move me off of stow for a while now and thank the lord it looks like it may finally be happening. There’s apparently a guy in shipping who wants to move to stow and far be it for me to ask why this guy hates himself so much that he wants to subject himself to brain draining torture. I told the lead to stick my name down and he said he would get back to me. This job will be much more draining but will involve no targets or HR coming to talk to me about being too close to the camera so it’ll be worth it in my book.

On my lunch break I got a text from the mechanic who’s meant to have been coming to my house to fix my bike for almost three weeks now. He says he’s just quit his job and had to sort something out before he could come to fix the bike and that he will come over tomorrow night. I’m not sure what could have been stopping him from popping over for an hour after work to do a job that by his reckoning would only have took him an hour but I’m sure he’ll let me know when / if he turns up. I’ll give him one last chance then that’s because I’m sick of getting taxis and buses.

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batheir · 1 month ago

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an annoyed sigh emits from helena, “i said— my bed. this applies to my bed. not to remain OUTSIDE.” she threw her arm up in frustration as if to say duh, that’s why i opened the door even if she’s pushing herself up and stepping back out onto the balcony to find herself listening to him and being ached from empathy. “i just wanted a friend for once in my life. i wanted to be someone’s best friend.” helena quietly admits, but she felt guilt, her parents were her best friends. was she ungrateful? spoiled more than she realized? he barely had parents and red lips curved downwards even more. helena had a ton of ‘friends’, but they were only there for who she was. little rich girl her to billionaire bruce wayne. alex had only felt like the only authentic one and the most genuine romantic connection she’s ever came close to, that’s why it hurts even more she was stood up. but his story, it was devastating.

“i’m—” she began to gently shake her head, because how did she even begin to respond how much trauma he's suffered? all she could think of is offering advice, hopefully aid in less weight off his shoulders. “i hate that... it’s not your job to worry yourself to the point it’s tearing your mental health into shreds, though. your father has to learn to cope with this in healthy ways on his own. you can give your brother a fair warning to be open, because he should… he definitely should be encouraged to not feel afraid to come out to anyone. he shouldn’t have to hide from the world and his significant other. but— he should be prepared for the judge-mental reactions that could happen but don’t let it deter him from being who he is. maybe you can get the doctor to come to your grandmother… if not, i can always help you think of a plan B. and… i don’t know what to say about poppy.” her bare shoulders shrugged, quickly swiping away a tear running down her powder blushed pink cheek. her hand then reaches out to peel one of his hands away from his face so she can hold it, “all i really know to say– is it’s not your job to be her therapist. you can offer consoling, but you don’t have to be a therapist to anyone unless that was your actual profession. and truthfully, knowing you have all of this on your plate, just makes me feel worse for being in your life and hogging up more space in your life you don’t have time for.” she admits, feeling her chest pang over and over. “if i give you a second chance, then what? i’m not coming in between you and that girl. it won’t change her hating me and you’ll just be torn, making decisions between us all the time. so i’m just trying to do you a favor by stepping away.” her arms cross against her chest, swiftly turning because helena had a hatred for letting people see her cry and this time she couldn’t hold back. she let the waterworks exploding from her mascara stained eyes win. “and it wasn’t just a show. i was going to show you something special that had to do with books because i knew you'd like it, but–” but it doesn't matter because it's not about her, because it all feels hopeless now anyway.

if alex weren’t so guilt-ridden, he’d most likely find the warning sign amusing — NO DISGUSTING THINGS LIKE BOYS ALLOWED ON THE PURPLE KITTY PRINCESS BAT FAIRY DEN. he shakes his head, remaining serious despite the air of ridicule hanging between them. “that’s fine. i can stay right where i am,” he sighs, pulling the denim jacket tighter around his frame and crossing his arms to stay warm. no wonder chicago’s widely recognized as the windy city. it really does get pretty windy here, especially so high up. “but just hear me out, okay?” glassy eyes fixated upon her visage, having to refrain from pressing his palm to the patio door as silent peace offering. “i don’t use social media. i wasn’t aware of those pictures until you showed them to me. i didn’t know that poppy was trying to portray us as a couple online. i didn’t think that she’d do something like that when… i told her how i felt, how i feel, about you a month or so ago. i was asking for advice and she was still with guillermo at the time. i didn’t think much of it. i’ll talk to her about all this, ask her to delete these pictures.” he’s only changing his narrative now because he’s finally being presented with facts about poppy’s questionable behavior, seeing what’s been happening behind his back this whole time.

“i’d never purposely miss your show.” he remains right where he is, feeling silly talking to her through a piece of glass as it serves as yet another thing that separates them. “there’s a lot going on, helena. and i know that this is no excuse, that i should have remembered about that event and it was important to me, but… my father’s alienating himself again as he always does when the anniversary of my mom’s death is coming up, david’s thinking about introducing his boyfriend to our family this thanksgiving and you know that they’re pretty religious and conservative, my grandma’s refusing to go to the doctor even though her health’s visibly declining, poppy’s getting broken up with and… they all need me at the same time. it’s been this way my whole life. someone always needs me. i haven’t caught a break since i was six years old. i’m tired. i’m not trying to guilt you or sell you a sob story or something. i’m just trying to explain why sometimes things slip my mind. i’m so sorry. i’ll find a way to make it up to you, helena. just give me a chance,” he pleads and stumbles into a folding chair, sitting down just so that he can hide his face in his hands and try to pull himself together. keep his tears at bay when he hears her saying they’re not meant to be. he’s given her every reason in the world to feel this way… what does he expect?

#4lexnilsen

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therainroguefanfiction · 3 years ago

Text

❧ Be Mine (Saitama) Card

📑 Table of Contents

Genre: Valentine’s, Fluff, Comedy ☁

Word Count: 1,592 ☁

Pairing: Reader x Saitama ☁

World: Anime, One Punch Man ☁

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“I’m home!”

“Welcome back, babe.” You briefly glanced up from the manga in your hands.

Saitama sighed as he set the groceries on the counter.

“Something happen?” You raised a brow, giving him your full attention.

“Why do we have to live in such a peaceful place? I couldn’t find a single villain to take down on the walk home.”

You chuckled. “We live in a peaceful place because you already took out the villains, the criminals, and even the two-bit thugs.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

He cocked his head to the side, scratching his cheek. “I’m not gonna get paid much this month.”

“It’s fine. I make enough money for both of us.” You paused, leaning your arm on the table, small giggles leaving your lips. “If you stress too much about it, your hair will never grow back, babe.”

He scowled, balling up a paper towel before throwing it at your head. His aim was off and it hit the wall instead. “Not funny.”

“Then why am I laughing?”

“‘Cause you’re a jerk.”

You gasped dramatically, hand covering your heart. “How hurtful, Sai~!”

He grinned at your behavior, sitting down beside you at the table as he started to look through the pile of mail waiting. A few fan letters for Genos, some hate mail for himself, a couple bills, and several advertisements. “Did you know Valentine’s day is in a few days?”

“Only because everything I want to buy has been covered in pink with hearts.” You scowled, flipping the page of your manga.

Saitama hummed as he looked over one of the ads. It was advertising Valentine’s items on sale, the typical items for the season being flowers, teddy bears and chocolates. “What do you want?”

“Hmm?”

“For Valentine’s.”

“Oh, that. You don’t have to get me anything.”

Reaching over, he flicked your forehead, making you scowl.

“The hell was that for?!”

“It’s the day of love, idiot, I have to get you something.”

“Just get me a card or somethin’.”

He deadpanned, plucking the manga from your hands.

“Umm, Sai? What’re you doing?” Your eyes followed him as he stepped out onto the balcony. Sending you an obnoxious grin over his shoulder, he flung the innocent book over the railing. “I wasn’t finished reading that, you jerk!”

“Tell me what you want or the manga gets it.”

“You’re supposed to say that before throwing it.”

He power walked back into the room, grabbing another book before you could reach it and returning to the balcony. “Tell me what you want or the manga gets it.”

“I haven’t even started that one yet.” You whined, falling back onto the ground as you stared up at the ceiling. “There really isn’t anything I want, Saitama. Having you is more than enough.”

He paused for a moment before shuffling back inside. You grunted loudly when he threw his body on top of your own, using your chest as his own personal pillow. “Fine,” he gave in. “I’ll just get you a card.”

You chuckled, patting his bald head. “See? That wasn’t so difficult now, was it? Now get your superhero ass outside and get my manga.”

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You frowned, brow furrowed as you walked through the superstore, one that sold a little bit of everything. Since Saitama was dead set on giving you something for the holiday of love, even if it was just a card, you felt it was only fair that you got him something in return. The problem is that you had no idea what to get him.

A watch, maybe? Men liked getting those, right?

Your phone buzzed, alerting you of a new message from your boyfriend.

✉ ‘I see you,’

“Yeah, totally not creepy, Sai.”

It buzzed again.

✉ ‘You’re not allowed to buy me a gift. I forbid it.’

You scoffed, quickly typing a reply. ‘I’m not.’

✉ ‘Then why are you looking at men’s watches?’

Your head whipped around, scanning the area around you. Now that you were paying attention to your surroundings, you easily spotted a bald head sticking out from behind a display nearby. “Saitama, get your ass out here.”

He slowly poked his head around, a dumb look on his face. “How’d you know I was here?”

“Your head was blinding me,”

A tic of anger appeared below his eye and he leaped forward, pulling you into a gentle headlock. You laughed, wriggling free of his grasp and rushing off with him hot on your heels. It took a few minutes of strategic turns and quick ducking, but you finally managed to lose him. Coincidentally, you were now standing in the Valentine’s aisle.

Your eyes scanned the shelves of teddy bears and heart-shaped chocolates. There were heart-themed cutlery and do-it-yourself sweets kits. Nothing really spoke to you, though, until you hit the center of the aisle.

A fox plush, pink and white in color, caught your eye. ‘XOXO♥‘ was embroidered on his stomach in pastel shades of red and pink. Although it was cute in appearance, that isn’t what made you want it. No, you had to have him because of how soft and squishy he was. You had never felt something so soft – it was like the heavens themselves had breathed life into it.

Arms wrapped around your waist from behind and Saitama used your shoulder as a chin rest.

“Can we get this, Sai?” You questioned, holding it to your chest and snuggling your face into it.

He chuckled, his warm breath hitting your ear which caused goosebumps to arise on your skin. “Of course we can,”

You pushed back against him, feeling his arms tighten. “I still want to buy you something.”

His lips pressed against the skin under your ear. “I already have what I want,”

You hummed, a cheeky smile on your face as you broke free of his grasp. “Oh? And what would that be, I wonder~?” You started to walk down the aisle, smiling when you felt his hand slide into your own.

He laced his fingers with yours and looked you dead in the eye. “I wanted a new cape, and I just bought one.”

You scowled, smacking his shoulder with the plush. He chuckled as you pulled him through the store and you both spent the day browsing the items and enjoying each other’s company.

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Saitama’s eye twitched in annoyance as he stared at the large box sitting on the floor in front of him. “I said you weren’t allowed to buy me anything.”

“I clearly did not care and ignored you.” You snickered. “Now open it.”

Scowl in place, he tugged on the ribbon roughly until it fell off the box. When he removed the lid, his eye twitched more violently as he jumped up and chucked the box at the wall. “What the hell is this?!”

You clutched your sides tightly, trying to contain your laughter. “It’s a hahahaha a wig!”

“Why is it pink?!”

“It… It seemed… haha appropriate!” The laughter broke free like water bursting from a dam, sending you rolling across the floor, laughing so hard that your sides started to burn.

He fell back into his previous place, glaring at you. “Are you done?”

It took a few minutes, but you managed to calm your laughter, forcing yourself back into a sitting position. When your eyes met, your laughter completely died. “Oh… you’re actually wearing it…”

Saitama folded his arms over his chest. On top of his head was the neon pink afro you had bought him. “Of course! You bought it for me, so it’s a precious gift.”

“Saitama…” You smiled softly, leaning forward to adjust it on his head. “It looks good on you, actually. When your hair finally grows back, we should dye it pink.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Che, you’re such a buzz kill.”

“Shut up and open your damn card.”

“Fine, fine.” You picked up the deep purple envelope sitting on the table, gently breaking the seal. The card itself was quite simple. It was white in color with a purple border. On the cover was a cartoon ghost, outlined in the same purple. The ghost was frowning, looking quite lonely. You opened the card.

The inside was the same deep purple as the envelope while the text was a soft white. The same ghost from the cover was also on the inside, but he no longer looked sad and he wasn’t alone. Another ghost was behind him, hugging him tightly with a smile. A text bubble sat above the second ghost’s head reading: ‘I’d haunt u 4ever’

There were words written at the bottom of the card in a nearly illegible scrawl belonging to your boyfriend. It read: ‘You’re the love of my life, Y/N. As long as I have you at my side, I don’t care if my hair never grows back. P.S. I’m sorry your manga was eaten by the neighborhood cat. Love, Saitama.’

Your heart felt like it was going to burst with happiness. You gently set the card down on the table before launching yourself at the male and crashing your lips against his. He didn’t hesitate to return the kiss with twice as much passion and ferocity.

“I love you, Saitama.” You breathed against his lips, eyes shining with happiness and love.

His arms tightened around you, his eyes matching yours. “I love you, too.”

“By the way, I didn’t know about the cat. I’m going to kick your ass, that was my favorite manga!”

“I’ll buy you another one – stop hitting me!”

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If you enjoyed this fic, please like and reblog it so more people can enjoy it, as well. Thanks!

#be mine #saitama #one punch man #anime #anime x reader #saitama x reader #valentine's day

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sukirichi · 4 years ago

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Breakfast for Choso with ingredients #17 and 34 with #2 sugar? Wine is optional.

EASY

— Nothing is ever easy with Choso, but for him, you’d push through hell and back.

meal order: breakfast + 17, 34 (fake dating, rentboy au) + 2 (enemies to lovers) + biting, scratching, choso eating reader out, sex on the beach

warnings: mature content, unedited fic, choso is mean and harsh when he’s angry

notes: thank you so much for this anon! I really enjoyed writing this and this totally made my day. I hope you like it!

word count: 10k+ LOL CHOSO BRAIN ROT

check out the fanart @tigressnej-chan made, it s so beautiful HURRR

Your day was absolutely ruined. Dark, deep bags covered your under eyes as you stormed through the convenience store downstairs your apartment, body clad in an oversized hoodie and socks visible through slippers, hair greasy and lips chapped. You’re aware you look like a mess, but did you care?

Absolutely not, especially when you haven’t been sleeping well the moment you moved into this cursed apartment because of a certain fucker.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. That specific fucker – the cause of your ruin and the devil who prevented you from living a good life – waltzed inside the store, the small bell chiming to signal his presence. You scoffed at his confident, suave walk, further irritated because he just had to be insanely attractive – in an alternative, laid-back kind of way.

He wasn’t even your type; you preferred more refined men who wore pressed suits and leather shoes, but you had to admit this man was insanely attractive.

With deep, sunken eyes, a dark tattoo across the bridge of his nose and dark hair twisted into twin ponytails, large, muscular body covered in a black sweatshirt and a red scarf – he looked very much like a former member of a gang who retired because their barbaric ways wasn’t his thing. It was an odd theory, and you sat there at the corner of the store, glaring at the man who tiredly pressed the coffee maker machine for a dark roast.

As if feeling eyes on him, his lazy eyes slid over to yours, and almost automatically, one corner of his lips tilted up in humor. This fucker knew how much he annoyed you, and he only further pushed your buttons by walking over to you, the steam of his coffee nearly blocking your gaze.

“Good morning,” he greeted sarcastically, well aware that it definitely not a good morning for you.

“Have fun last night, neighbor?”

“Yes.”

“Jeez, you won’t even bother denying it?”

“I see no point in it,” he invited himself by sitting next to you, long legs crossed over his muscular thigh. You found yourself staring at how he seemed so firm even in loose sweatpants, averting your gaze and staring at your soggy ramen noodle cup instead. “And you’re not trying to hide the fact you’re listening, either.”

“I wasn’t listening!” you slammed your fist down the table – he didn’t even flinch, only continuing to sip his coffee as if you weren’t burning in anger beside him – as you hissed, “The walls are too damn thin and you’re so fucking loud.”

“No, I wasn’t. She was loud, though.”

Scoffing, you crossed your arms against your chest. He really was shameless. You already knew this man didn’t have enough shame in his body, but you didn’t think he’d have absolutely nothing.

Upon witnessing your stupefied state, he reached over to knock at your skull. “Still there, princess?” you cringed at his nickname for you; you didn’t even know this guy’s name, for pete’s sake! “Or are you still too bothered by the fact I got some good fucking last night?”

You flicked his arm away from you, nearly seething in your seat. “God, you’re insufferable. I should move out.”

“Yes, I think that would be for the best too,” he nodded to himself as he stared at his now empty coffee cup. Had it been that long already? Apparently, it was, because your noodles turned cold and your neighbor was already leaving your seat, dipping for a mocking bow. “Have a nice day, neighbor. Don’t think of my cock too much,” he teased, even going as far as winking until your jaw dropped.

You watched as he threw the paper cup in the proper bin, a little surprised he was decent enough to do mundane tasks like that. Sometimes, it was so easy to forget your neighbor was also a decent human being, but whatever.

You absolutely, utterly hated him, and you kept mumbling to yourself of the different ways you’d get your revenge on him as he walked out the door, his annoyingly gorgeous ass in view. “Yeah, right,” you scowled to yourself, “As if I can get that image out my mind now.”

He would not be an easy feat.

Despite your constant pleas for him to at least be silent during the weekdays to give you enough peace of mind to study for the finals, he didn’t stop. Hours just after the sun sets, you’d hear giggles and sloppy kisses on the hallway.

No matter how much you pressed your hands into your ears and set your music on full volume to block out the noise, you could always hear them.

Your neighbor was undeniably a fuckboy.

Every night, he’d have a different girl dangling in his arms. You knew, because the voices squealing his name while he fucked them right next door were always different. Some days, it was deep and throaty, and on other days it’d be high-pitched and nearly scraping at your ears. They all said the same thing though, such as fuck, right there, you feel so good or harder, harder, please, I’m so close!

To say you were traumatized was an understatement. You never wanted to hear such things again, but alas, your neighbor apparently couldn’t give a single shit because he was fucking someone again.

As if things couldn’t get worse, the person he brought home this time around just had to have the most fucking annoying voice ever. Or maybe it sounded like the others, but you were in the middle of memorizing veins and brain chemicals in alphabetical harder when you heard the headboard of his bed slam against your wall, the sound hard and loud enough you dropped your book in surprise.

They didn’t stop. If anything, he kept going harder until nothing but his low sexy groans and his partner’s screaming – that was right, she was fucking screaming – like she was having her insides rearranged.

You didn’t doubt the possibility that maybe she really was. Your neighbor was such a huge, attractive guy, after all, it would make sense he was capable of such. Before you knew it, you could no longer understand the words in your textbook. You kept rereading the same line over and over again, but nothing registered into your mind. You were so close to screaming at them to stop and shut the fuck up because it was three in the morning and they were still going at it, but you weren’t that mean.

Yes, you hated him, but you weren’t going to blue ball someone or make sex awkward. Sex with your ex was always awkward, so you knew how painful it was to live with that memory. No matter how much you hated your neighbor, you wouldn’t go that far.

So you trudged all the way up to the building’s public balcony, bringing a blanket with you to survive the chilly bite of the night.

You used your phone’s flashlight to read all over the textbooks, keeping your little note cards organized and color coded beside you. Finally, you could make sense of things a little bit more, and you chugged at your Red Bull to keep you awake. Time passed by so fast whenever you were lost with your nose stuck in a book, and your attention was only ripped away when the balcony door swung open, revealing your neighbor with messed up hair and bruised lips.

He looked totally fucked out.

“Oh, fuck, no – what are you doing here?”

“This balcony is for all tenants,” your neighbor barely blinked as he walked closer to you, but instead of joining you on the table, he leaned against the railings and stared into the night sky. He seemed so placid, a little approachable despite his intimidating face even, and for a moment, you were studying his sharp, masculine features before he turned your way with a passive face. “Last time I checked, I’m a tenant, therefore I have the rights to be here.”

“I don’t care,” you retorted childishly, pulling your books closer to you as if he wanted to steal it. He only raised a brow at your actions, the large muscles of his arms bulging up from where he stood.

It felt so hard to not salivate at the sight, but for the sake of your pride, you had to push those thoughts down and remind yourself why you hated him so much. “I evoke your rights. You’re not welcome here.”

“You’re awfully harsh to a stranger.”

“You’re not a stranger, you’re my neighbor who brings girls in his home every night and I can never get a wink of sleep because all I can hear is them moaning and the sound of balls slapping!”

“Vulgar,” he smirked, and he had no business looking so attractive with that arrogant smirk on his face that it took all energy you had in you to not whack him with your book.

“I think I deserve an apology.”

“I think you should mind your business.”

You stood up with a scowl, nearly shoving the book right in his chest. “Bro, I’m this close to slapping this book right in your pretty face. You see how thick this is? I’m not kidding, this will hurt. Listen, I’ve got a final exam and a suture practice this weekend. All I’m asking for is just a few hours of sleep – that’s all. I just don’t get why you always seem to be balls deep in someone at every god forsaken hour; I can’t focus on my work when the noises are so distracting. At this point, I remember their begging more than I’m familiar with nerves. I need to study, okay? I really want to graduate.”

He fell silent at your sudden rant, then, he tilted his head to the side, a small smile on his lips. “You think I have a pretty face?”

“After everything I said, that’s all you remember?”

“It’s kind of hard to listen to every word when I’m distracted by your eyes.”

His comment caught you off-guard, and your eyes widened, arm coming up to hide your face that soon began to felt warm. He only chuckled at your reaction, the sound deep and throaty that it went right straight into the pools of your belly. “My eyes – what are you talking about? Seriously, what’s wrong with you? You’re so creepy!”

“Hmm,” he snickered, “That’s the first time I’ve heard that.”

“What, no one tells you you’re creepy?”

“No, people always say I’m handsome,” he said it with such a straight face that you gave him an are you serious look, and he raised one shoulder to shrug. “I’m surprised you’re not attracted to me, to be honest.”

“Wow,” you drawled out, shaking your head with a laugh as you plopped down back to your seat in defeat. “Aren’t you full of surprises? First, I get a really horny man as my next door neighbor who keeps me up at night with his shenanigans, and now he’s got the audacity to ask me why I’m not attracted to him?”

“I mean,” he scrunched his nose cutely, a huge contrast to his domineering stature. “Why aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I give up. I’m just gonna crash at my friends tonight,” you mumbled to yourself while gathering your things, leaving your neighbor all by himself. As you reached the door, you called out to him one more time, “Oh, and by the way, you reek of pussy. Go shower or something.”

“So how’s your exams going?”

“They’re fine,” you lied through gritted teeth, slicing through the fish a lot harsher than you intended. The knife scraped against the plate and you winced at the sound, ignoring your father’s loud munching. “Not too much of a big deal. My professors are nice and my classmates are nice too. I’m fitting in really well and I think I’ll even come out on top of my class this time if it weren’t for that stupid little bastard…” your last words ended up as a whisper, eyes glazing to the side as you glared at nothing in particular.

“Stupid little what?”

“Nothing, nothing,” you waved your hand in the air, “Someone’s just distracting me from my studies, is all.”

At the mention of someone distracting your usually composed and unbothered self, your father straightened up in his seat, a large smile on his face that made him look younger than he really was. “Is it a guy? Do you finally have a boyfriend?”

“Ugh, dad, really, you’re the only father who’s so eager for his daughter to have a boyfriend. Shouldn’t you be more proud that, I don’t know, I’m pretty and smart? I don’t need a boyfriend or anything.”

Your father nodded, “True, you don’t need them, but trust me when I say life is going to get pretty lonely when you grow old and you’re all by yourself. It’s still better – and life is a lot happier – when you’ve got a stable supporting and loving figure in your life.”

“I have you for that.”

“And you always will,” he patted your hand gently across the table, “But a parent won’t always be there for their child, and if you’re still not prepared for the future or ready to stand on your own two feet, then that means I didn’t do a great job at raising you; that means I’ve failed as a parent. Tell me, have I failed? Have I raised my wonderful daughter to be so repulsed by the idea of love that she’s willingly closing her doors and locking herself away in isolation?”

“No…”

“I didn’t think so,” he grinned to himself, and you watched with a frown as his eyes crinkled in happiness. Your father was such the complete opposite of you; he was always so loving and open to everyone, while you were mopey and afraid of attachment.

“Don’t be too afraid to love, child. It’s one of the most wonderful things in this world – it’s a blessing – the absolute core of our being. Why do we exist if not to love?”

“Not everyone is a romantic like you, dad,” you sighed, “Plus…how is it so easy for you to finally find someone after Mom died? Isn’t she your soul mate?” you questioned, putting your fork and knife down as you looked your father in the eye. “I just can’t believe you’re getting married again.”

“It’s already been years since she passed away, Y/N. And yes, she is my soul mate, but that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of loving someone again. Our hearts aren’t limited like that, and your mother wouldn’t want me to keep mourning her when she’s resting in peace,” he gestured to the both of you after swallowing his food, “She would’ve wanted the both of us to be happy.”

At the mention of your passed mother, your shoulders deflated, and your eyes watered at the thought of her kind smile. You wished you could see that again.

“I miss her…”

“I know, child, I know,” your father smiled encouragingly, “I also know the reason you’re so afraid to love is because you’re scared they’ll end up leaving you too, like how your mom just slipped past our fingers like that, but it’s only her body that withered. She’s still with us, right in our hearts and in our memories.”

“You really do sound like a lovesick fool.”

“That’s because I am,” your father laughed with a slap to his knees. When his phone buzzed for his alarm, he quickly dabbed a towel on his lips, standing up to excuse himself. “Now, this lunch was lovely and I dearly missed you, but I need to go back to work. We doctors just never get a break. This is a life you have to prepare for if you want to follow my footsteps.”

“I won’t follow your footsteps – I’ll surpass you.”

“I’ll be waiting for that to happen then,” he announced proudly; pride bursting in his chest at how determined his daughter was. “Oh, and Y/N?”

“Yes?” You squinted at the mischievous look in his eyes, wary of what your cunning father had in mind this time.

“You won’t outsmart me. You better bring a boyfriend or at least introduce someone to me on the wedding – or else I’m pulling you out of the university hospital.”

“Wha – Dad, that’s not fair!”

“All is fair in love and war, child, you’ll learn soon.”

“Oh, I just hate men!”

You really did hate men.

Your final exam was tomorrow already and you’d lost count of the coffee and Red Bull you’ve inhaled today, all so you could study one last time for the test, but no, something – or rather someone – just had to get in your way.

“I’ve had enough,” you announced before slamming your door open; not hesitating as your fists came banging down on your neighbor’s door. “Hey! Keep it the fuck down – someone’s trying to study here! Seriously, man, is it really that hard for you to keep it in your pants for one night? This is what, the sixth woman you’ve had around the past four days? Don’t you get tired? Because I sure as hell am very tired of you!”

The moans and the sounds of bed creaking stopped. For a moment, you almost smirked to yourself when they fell silent.

If only you knew it would be that easy to shut them up, you would’ve done so long ago. You were about to turn back into your room when his door swung open, and you were met by his sweaty and muscular chest heaving up and down – either in anger or from his previous activities – you couldn’t tell.

Your throat felt dry as you peered at him under your lashes, almost afraid of the way he loomed over you. Thank goodness he found the time to wear pants, though, because had he been baby naked, you would’ve run for the hills already.

His dark eyes cut through yours as he seethed, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m the one who wants to ask you that,” you were surprised to find your voice despite the way your pussy actually ached just by the sight of his chiseled body, but when you did, you forced yourself to stand up taller, refusing to back down from his gaze. “It’s literally three in the morning and you’re about to fuck a hole through my wall!”

“I thought you said you’d be crashing at your friends. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had to have your permission to come back home. Next time, I’ll give you a heads-up, good sir. And for your information, unlike you, I actually don’t like bothering the people around me so I came home. Now would you please kick her out and shut the fuck up for once?”

“Babe, are you coming back here or what?”

Red acrylic nails wound from his body out of nowhere, and your mouth fell open as you watched the naked woman press kisses on the blades of his shoulder. You were conflicted, torn between feeling jealous that she got to touch him like that because damn was he fine, but you also felt appalled your neighbor would be this type of person.

“Babe?” you repeated with a sarcastic laugh.

Stepping away from your neighbor’s tempting pecs, you waved to the stunning woman behind him. “Hi, I’m his neighbor, I don’t mean to be a cock block or anything but I’ve been a witness to his fuckboy ways for months now. If you think you’re special to him, I assure you, you’re not. Yesterday he was just banging two girls until the sunrise. If you’re really as sane as I hope you are, I suggest you skedaddle before this man feeds you with more lies. You’re not special, hun, he’s just going to fuck everything that walks on two legs.”

“Is that true?”

“Nadia, you know how this works—”

“I was literally just on the phone with you last night!” the woman named Nadia pushed him away, but because he was bigger, he didn’t budge. Nadia turned to you, her lipstick smudged and a suspicious white stain on the edge of her lips. You couldn’t even bring yourself to look down her head, and you and your neighbor both watched as she got dressed and left, hands up in the air. “Thank you for this. I should’ve known better than to waste time and money on him.”

You snickered as Nadia pressed on the elevator buttons, a scowl sent his way. Turning to him with pride swelling up in your chest, you smirked, “How does it feel—”

“Happy now?” he growled, his eyes so dark and slit into tiny cuts you took a step back, your heart pumping frantically for different reasons. You never thought he’d be this bothered for not being able to bust a nut. “Satisfied now, Y/N? Do you even realize what you’ve just done?”

“Uhm, yes,” you scoffed, matching his tone. “I just saved that poor girl’s life. Who else knows what you would’ve done and said to her. We don’t deserve to be looked down on and treated like this, you know.”

“Neither did I. I’m just doing my job.”

“Job? You don’t even have a job! You don’t even go to university for fuck’s sake – your apartment is rundown and smells like sour cunt and feet! Maybe you should even thank me because I’m trying to give you ideas on better things to do!”

“Yeah, and be like you?” he snapped, tugging at the strings of your hoodie until you fell a step forward. “Dressed in loose shirts to hide the fact you’ve got no tits and your ass is flatter than your back? Lying to her neighbor that she’ll crash somewhere but ends up waddling back home anyway because she’s always cooped up in her apartment studying to prove that she’s not as worthless as she is and that she doesn’t have a life or friends to begin with?” tears pooled at your eyes at his words, and you knew it hurt because it was true, but did he really have to say it that way?

However, his anger got the best of him, and he didn’t stop there. “I don’t want to be like you. I don’t want to skip meals and lose sleep studying for something I don’t care about because I don’t know anything else other than following daddy’s footsteps so he’d notice me more than his new bride. I’m happy with my life.”

“How did—”

“Like you said, the walls are thin. You’re not exactly so quiet to yourself, neighbor. It’s kind of pathetic you talk to the walls when you think I’m asleep because you’ve got no one else to talk to.”

Hands balled into fists at your side, you stood on your tiptoes to spit the words out. “You’re a terrible human being,” no matter how much you tried to exert dominance over him, your lips still quivered as you fought back the urge to cry. “Go fuck yourself.”

“You’re the one who needs to go fuck yourself and get laid,” he didn’t let you have another word as he slammed the door in your face, but you still heard him through the door anyway. “Uptight bitch.”

You were wrong.

Your neighbor wasn’t just difficult – he was completely impossible.

[Dad:] Don’t forget your date!

[You:] Dad…don’t push it.

[Dad:] I find it hard to believe my beautiful daughter can’t have one. Go out there and make some friends, Y/N, I know you isolate yourself too much. It doesn’t even have to be a boyfriend. You could date a girl for all I care. I just don’t want you to be too bored at the wedding. Bring a friend.

[You:] Fine, fine, okay.

[Dad:] But a boyfriend would still be better. Your old man isn’t getting any younger and I want grandkids in the future.

[You:] Dad!

[Dad:] love ya kid !

And so it was the turn of your events that had you groaning in your swiveling chair, the grip on your phone so tight you wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up breaking it. As if your week couldn’t get any more horrible with your neighbor’s hurtful words still living at the back of your mind, your father hadn’t stopped talking about you to his co-workers and his equally crazy mother that your grandmother didn’t waste time in calling you.

You loved your nan, you really did, but more often than not, she was much more of a pain in the ass than your father was. The old woman was ruthless, shooting you question by question on why her pretty granddaughter was still single, then came the demeaning comments of how you “weren’t living life to the fullest.”

Frustration eating away at you, you let out a silent scream.

The escort site blinked back at you mockingly, temptingly, as if to remind you that your problems could easily be solved with just a click. You chastised yourself for always having the need to solve problems fast and as easily as you could, because before you even realized what you were doing, your heart started beating a mile a minute as the other line kept ringing.

You ended up lying to your grandmother that yes, nan, I have a boyfriend, can I study for my exams now please, to which the pressing woman responded with, oh, finally! well, I won’t bother you anymore. study well, my dear, I can’t wait to see him!

Just thinking about how she would react if you came alone at your father’s wedding had you breaking out in a sweat, and you chewed at your nails while waiting for the site to pick up.

You were truly desperate now, so much so that you were actually calling a rental boy site.

“Good afternoon, thank you for calling Kamo Escorts! I’m Ijichi, here to assist you. What can I help you with?”

You held back a really painful cringe, biting the insides of your cheek as you got your heart to calm down. “Uhm, yeah…so this is like my first time c-calling a site like this and I don’t know what to do but…yeah.”

“I see, we get new callers too. Would you like a guide?”

“Yes, please, that’d be great thank you.”

“Kamo Escorts is all about, well, as you can see on our webpage – we have men and even women you can hire to escort you on special events. We mostly cater to clients who only need a pretty face to dangle off their arm for social company or even care, or whatever reasons the client may have and the relationship is purely business and professional, but in some cases, the escorts may have sex with the client too under the condition they are paid more.”

The gasp that left your lips was barely stifled, and you furrowed your brows at the implication. “Wh-what, so that’s like a real thing? Isn’t this…?”

Ijichi chuckled from the other line, almost as if he’d been asked this question many times before. “In a way, it is, which is why Kamo Escorts is commercially advertised for purely social company only. You may, however, negotiate with your escort if you would like more services, but we do require that you keep our escorts’ dignity and not look down on them. The service we provide may not be your typical honorable one, but we are dedicated and equally eager to be of service to this society. Should we find that you’re dehumanizing or harassing our escort, we won’t hesitate to…take some action,” the light warning of his tone didn’t go unnoticed by you, and Ijichi took note of your hesitant silence. “Would you still like to proceed?”

“Ye-yeah, I didn’t want the sex anyway.”

“Very well, then. What event are we looking for?”

“It’s for a relative’s wedding,” you supplied, “I need a date.”

“Any preference in escorts? Male, female, tall, short, sociable or introverted?”

Your eyes widened, your back flattening against your chair. “Oh, wow, so this is like a Build-A-Bear, okay, wait,” you chewed your nails again, racking up on your mind on who or what exactly you liked. “My ideal guy is…someone tall, and has pretty broad shoulders…I think I prefer a more introverted one too because people with too much energy sort of drains me…and someone caring and attentive, yes. Handsome too – but if that’s too much to ask for then—”

“It’s okay, Miss. I assure you all our escorts are definitely blessed in the gene department.”

At his confidence, you scrunched your nose and made yourself small on your chair. “Okay, but now that you say it, if he’s too handsome then I’m going to look like a potato next to him.”

“We’ll find someone compatible for you; we always never fail to please our clients. We’ll be able to match you with a more suitable escort if you’re more descriptive with what you want.”

“Okay, okay,” you continued, “Oh, and I like guys with long hair too, but really, anything is fine. I just want someone to effortlessly pretend they’re enamored after just one date and that they’re very glad to be there with me on the wedding. It’s even better if they’re introverted but can communicate well and isn’t shy at all. My relatives are kind of…freaky.”

Freaky couldn’t even begin to describe the chaos of your relatives.

In fact, had you not been paying for this service, you would’ve almost felt bad for the guy. He had no idea what he had coming for him – but then again, neither did you.

“I think we’ve got just the perfect guy for you,” Ijichi answered after a beat, “May I ask when is this event and how long you’d like to book the escort service for?”

“The event is in two weeks. I don’t need to meet him before the wedding because I’m very busy with exams, so I hope this guy can just act really well. As for the duration…I think just one day is enough. After the wedding, I’m coming right back home.”

“Convenient then,” he mused to himself, and you heard slight clicking from his side. “Let’s see…someone introverted and able to communicate well…definitely not Satoru, and his entirely booked by sugar mommies too…” Ijichi whispered to himself, followed by a slight humorous snort. “One last question: would you like someone older, younger, or the same age as you?”

“I’m in uni – I’d be more comfortable if they were closer to my age.”

“Oh, perfect, his schedule is oddly open for the whole month. Wonder what happened, he’s barely had free slots before…” the man was speaking to himself again, and you sat there pouting, even more dumbfounded at how this whole process worked.

Ijichi talked about this escort service and guided you so easily you almost couldn’t believe that it was as…simple as that. You didn’t know what you were expecting, but deep down in your mind, you were waiting for something fishy or weird to happen.

“I found someone for you. He’s one of our best escorts and I believe he’ll be great for this event. However, due to privacy issues, the disclosure of contacts and personal information can only happen once the escort agrees to this service. We’ll shortly get back to you if he’s up for the job. If not, I’ll find you another one quickly; you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Okay, thank you so much!”

“It’s our pleasure. Thank you for contacting Kamo Escorts – we hope to see you again!”

Once the call ended, you fell back on your bed with a sigh. Your neighbor wasn’t around the whole day, leaving you in peace and silence, and you took advantage of the rare quietness by pulling out a book. Hours passed, and you were nearly finished with half the textbook, fingers slightly numb from practicing sutures over and over again when your phone lit up with a text.

It came from an unknown number, but the words were loud and clear. Hey, this is Choso, I’ll be your escort for the wedding. Please text me here for the details and what else you expect from my service. I’m only a text and call away, please don’t hesitate to ask me for anything else.

You blinked at your phone, unsure of how to process the whole thing.

So it was official now – you rented an escort and you had a date for the event. Quite frankly, you were kind of expecting that escorts would be a lot more…flirtatious or even eager to please, but this Choso guy sounded too formal for you to picture yourself having this stranger be a good company for your event. Ijichi sounded so sure though that you no longer questioned it; smiling instead now that you’ve finally solved one of your problems.

Life felt a lot easier.

At around four in the morning, you were too worn out to keep going. Your exam was in the afternoon so you still had plenty of time to sleep, your stomach grumbled, prompting you to leave your unit to get some snacks.

Keys in hand and feet cold in your socks, you locked your door, halting in your steps when you saw your neighbor. Different from his usual comfortable clothing, he was dressed in a formal white shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his large, masculine hands coming up to loosen his tie. He wasn’t aware of your presence, almost blindly walking to his door and sighing. You didn’t miss the fact his shoulders were slumped, and he looked absolutely worn out.

For a moment, you actually felt worried, until you remembered what he said to you.

“What, no pussy to fuck tonight?”

He froze in front of his door for a moment, slightly tilting back to see your aggravated stance. Upon seeing it was just you, he shook his head and turned back to unlock his door. “No thanks to you.”

“Aw, did I ruin your reputation?” you mocked sarcastically, “I’m surprised people aren’t smart enough to pick up the smell of women’s perfume on you already. Seriously, are people that desperate for touch?” It was ironic; you’d never admit it, but you weren’t any better than them. You were equally desperate to be touched despite your aversion to romantic relationships, but he didn’t need to know that.

“It’s normal when you’re someone people are naturally attracted to. Not that you’d get it, of course, because it’s clear you don’t get some.”

“At least my apartment doesn’t smell like pussy.”

“At least I don’t masturbate every night then pass out after one weak orgasm.”

Your cheeks burned at his offhanded comment, and even with his back turned to you, you could see the slight smile tugging at his cheeks. He must’ve felt so cocky, thinking that he’d defeated you, so you blurted out the most intelligent thing possible: “How dare you!” while grabbing onto his shoulders to make him face you. “Look me in the eye and take that back!”

“Whatever you’re planning,” he crooned, head tilted to the side and making strands of his bangs fall over his eyes. He looked absolutely handsome under the flickering lights of the hallway in that moment, and you hated how you weren’t able to take your hands off of his strong shoulders, his masculine and spicy perfume clouding your mind. “It’s not going to work. Surprise surprise, but you’re not as cute as you think you are.”

Your eyes burned with fire, the nerves in your body so closing to popping. He infuriated you so much. “And you’re not as sexy as you believe you are!”

“Oh, yeah?” The positions are suddenly switched as he cornered you beside his doorframe, both of his arms planted beside your head. Because he was taller, he had to lean down to look you in the eye, his warm, minty breath brushing over your lips. You stared at him with wide eyes, fingers raking over the wall in a silent attempt to flee. Upon seeing your pursed lips, he laughed.

“Then why are you so shaky? Do I make you nervous?” his head dipped down, his lips grazing the shell of your ear. “Say…you only pretend to hate me, but you actually wish it was you I’m fucking every night, don’t you? Tell me…do you touch yourself when you hear me eating someone out?”

“I-I’m not—”

Before you could combust under his gaze, he pulled himself away from you, a satisfied smirk on his face at your flustered state. He chuckled lowly, keys spinning on his thick finger. “I was just teasing you, princess. No need to get so worked up.”

“I never want you near me again!”

He raised both brows as if to challenge you, and you knew from the glint in his eyes he was up to no good. “Princess, you jumped on me first.”

“I didn’t!” You shouted, immediately slapping your palm over your lips after realizing people were sleeping. He snickered at your reactions, and you pushed past him back to your unit, suddenly losing the appetite to get your precious snacks. “God, I hate you so much.”

“Believe me, the feeling is mutual.”

Difficult. Unbelievable. Complicated. Idiotic. Nothing was ever easy with him.

“Would you stop fidgeting?” your father scolded from his chair, his body barely moving as the stylists fixed his hair and makeup, but his eyes glared at you from the mirror. “You’re a lot more nervous than I am, and it’s my wedding.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it.”

Your father sighed to himself, standing up after they were done with him. He checked his appearance in the mirror for a while, nodding to himself in satisfaction. It was still a little surreal that he was going to get married again, to a woman half his age of all people, but he was happy, and his bride seemed to really love him too, so you no longer questioned your father’s decisions. He was an adult, anyway, he could make his own decisions.

“You’re waiting for your boyfriend, you say?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s he like?”

You stiffened at the question. Not wanting your sharp-eyed father to pick up on the smallest cues, you lied through your teeth despite not having any idea on who or what kind of person the escort was.

Other than discussing details of how you two supposedly met, conversations had been crisp and short. You were lucky that the escort seemed to be nice and smart enough to not always ask you to explain everything, and he was crisp and curt in his texts too. No flirty or suggestive messages, not even a single emoji. He seemed a little stiff, and while you worried if you could fake chemistry with someone who seemed like a wall, you were also assured by the fact he wasn’t some creep.

“Nice. He’s sweet. You’ll like him.”

“And when did you meet him?”

“Dad, do I have to tell this story all over again?” you groaned, “We met after exams, he goes to a different uni and he studies law—”

“Law. Impressive.”

“Of course you’re impressed,” you rolled your eyes. Coming from a family of doctors and engineers, your father, and pretty much everyone else in the family, also expected that you’d date someone who was equally intelligent and had enough connections in different industries at least. It just so happened you were really lucky your escort also really did study law for a bit before he became an escort; a detail you never got enough explanation for. “He’ll be here anytime soon. Just you wait.”

In reality, you were the one who couldn’t wait.

You were excited and nervous at the same time to see this mysterious escort, and you were in the middle of talking to your father and his bride when someone called you.

“Y/N?”

You turned around with a bright grin. That must be him! You clasped at the hems of your dress so you could meet this mysterious, rigid man properly, but the moment your eyes met his equally startled gaze, you choked on your own breath. “Y-you—”

Choso stood before you; handsome as ever in his suit and tie, his iconic twin tails still there. How ever would your father believe you now that he was a lawyer, especially with his messy hair and face tattoo? You loved it and found it sexy on him, no denying that, but your father was a little bit more traditional. But that aside, it was Choso?!

His professionalism arose and he regained his composure quicker than you did, the smile on his face so natural and alluring even you almost fell for it.

Choso wrapped an arm around your waist before kissing you on the cheek, and the skin felt extremely hot under his lips. You couldn’t move, couldn’t even speak, because Choso was pressed flush against you, and he looked at you with stars shining in his eyes you didn’t know whether to be flattered or afraid.

Maybe a fucked up mix of both.

“I’m sorry I’m late. Traffic was bad,” he explained with a small smile on his lips, and he looked so handsome and smelled so good in that moment you were left gaping at him as he bowed to your father, arm politely extended. “You must be Y/N’s father. It’s very nice to meet you sir. I’m her boyfriend, Choso.”

To your surprise, your father eagerly shook his hand with the brightest grin he’d worn the whole night before he faced you with a laugh. “No way,” he beamed, gesturing to Choso. “He’s your boyfriend? You managed to snag this fine man?”

“Dad!” your ears burned with embarrassment. Choso only laughed; making you painfully aware of his large, warm hand resting at the small of your back.

“I heard you’re a lawyer, son?”

“Yes, sir.”

Your father nodded in approval, the two exchanging over words about what his plans were for the future and how his studies were going. You stood there with a pounding heart, fearful that Choso could fuck up any moment, but he was so effortless and easy going. Had you not been the one paying him, you would’ve been fooled too.

So this was the life of an escort.

“So how much did my daughter pay you?”

“Dad, I didn’t—”

“I mean, there’s no way she actually charmed you with her non-existent social skills. My daughter here can’t even talk to someone and look them in the eye, much less ask someone out, so how did this happen?”

Choso laughed at your father’s lighthearted comment, saving the day for what seemed like the hundredth time already. “I approached her first, sir. We were both eating in this small diner and it was cramped, so we shared tables and started conversation,” Suddenly, his grip tightened on you as he pulled you closer, your ear now resting above the lulling and steady beating of his heart. How was he so calm?

He lightly squeezed your hip and it had you freezing under his touch, stiffening even more when he looked down at you so adoringly. “Guess it went downhill from there.” God, you had no idea who this man was.

“Really? What did you guys talk about?”

Choso opened his mouth to speak, but it was there, that damned glint on those dark eyes again that you clutched at his bicep. He may be damn good at this job, but knowing Choso, he was enjoying this way too much.

Anything you couldn’t predict or control properly was a huge no in your game, and you pulled Choso away before he could say something downright humiliating.

“Dad, just go focus on your wedding. I want to spend time with my boyfriend, okay?” You couldn’t even begin to fathom the inward cringe upon your words, the feeling only worsening when Choso fought back a laugh masked with a cough. Before your father could say anything else, you dragged Choso rather harshly, but he didn’t mind; he followed you obediently. “Come with me. I need to talk to you,” You didn’t stop until you were both alone in a desolated corner, and finally, you hissed at him. “What are you doing here?!”

“I should be asking you the same thing – but it turns out you’re my client.”

“Client? So you really are my escort?”

“Yes, I am.”

“So those women…”

“All my clients,” he confirmed your thoughts. “I assure you they knew what they were getting into. In fact, they were the ones who asked for that special service that caused you to lose your sleep every night. That woman the other day was just pissed because she booked me for three days, but I lied that I was available until the duration she wanted when I wasn’t.”

“You mean you were still working an escort for somebody else?”

He shrugged. “Pretty much.”

“Why did you lie then?”

“It’s more money,” Choso stared down at his hands before his eyes flitted back up to yours, his face unreadable. “I’m saving up so I can move somewhere else. Our apartment isn’t exactly the most ideal considering my profession. I need to find someplace quieter with thicker walls this time,” he smiled, “That way, I’ll no longer bother my sweet neighbor,” your lips felt dry at his words, your tongue darting out to lick at them while Choso scrutinized you under his gaze.

“I have to admit though – you asking for escort service is the last thing I’d ever imagine you doing. Not that I’m complaining since it’s still money in my pocket, but you’re not the most pleasing company to be with.”

“Oh, you bet, Choso. Had I known you were going to be my escort, I would’ve declined long ago,” you groaned, your head dropping in your hands. “What was Ijichi thinking when he said I would be compatible with you?”

“You’re not,” he stated, “But I am compatible with you – as I am with pretty much everyone else. I’m one of the best escorts, and soon you’ll see why.”

You didn’t understand what he meant by then, but it seemed Choso was quite eager to show his skills off when he dragged you back inside the reception event. The whole time, you couldn’t pay attention to anything or anyone else other than Choso. It still felt hard to believe that the whole time, he really was doing his job, and upon seeing how easily he had people believing you two were an item despite you just standing silently beside him, you felt guilty that you disrupted his “work” like that.

Guilt gnawed at you as Choso made everyone laugh, and soon your relatives were cooing, praising you and congratulating you that you were “happy” now.

Back then, you always looked down on him and even called him a mere fuckboy, but Choso was so much more than that. He was intelligent; his past as a lawyer proved that, and whatever happened that caused him to work in this industry kept lingering in your mind.

There was no denying it now.

You respected this man – admired him even.

“And now it’s time to join the newly married couple on the dance floor! Come on, people, bring your dates up here for a twirl!”

You remained planted in your seat, too comfortable with Choso’s jacket draped around your bare shoulders. You’d lost count of how many times your head ducked down for the lack of sleep, and as much as you loved your dad, you wanted nothing more than to go home and rest.

Choso offered his hand to yours, a teasing smile on his face. He wriggled his eyebrows up and down, and he looked so utterly ridiculous that you couldn’t believe the boring man you were texting was the same infuriating yet undeniably attractive bastard who was your neighbor was the same fun. The world is very small, it seemed, and you weren’t sure whether you were brave enough to venture these strange places and feelings.

“Uh-uh. No. I’m not dancing.”

“Two left feet?”

“No, I’m wearing heels. My feet hurts.”

“Then take it off.”

“And get my feet dirty?” you scoffed. As if to prove your point, you snuggled deeper into his jacket that smelled heavenly like him, closing your eyes as you pretended to sleep. “Sitting here isn’t so bad. Plus, look at them, all staring at each other with goo-goo eyes. It’s revolting,” you shuddered.

Through the sickeningly romantic music playing in the background, Choso fell silent. You cracked an eye open, frowning when Choso studied each of your features carefully. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You seem to hate the idea of love.”

“Because it’s pointless.”

Choso narrowed his eyes at your answer, brows bunching up at the way your shoulders squared to keep yourself away. Then, he stood up and sighed, offering his hand to you once more.

“I won’t really ask you to explain why, because frankly, I don’t care,” you stared at his large palms for a few seconds. There must be a ghost possessing your body because you looped your fingers through his and allowed him to guide you on the dance floor despite your mind’s protests, and soon, Choso’s eyes were all over you. “But if you don’t want your money to go down the drain and you really want to convince everyone, I suggest you forget about that mindset for just a few more hours,” his voice dropped down to a low whisper, his forehead pressed to yours. His eyes turned solemn, his hand on your waist gentle. “Dance with me. Let’s show them how madly in love we are with each other.”

“We met just last week, remember?”

“Love at first sight, princess,” Choso kissed your forehead, sending your heart thumping and running to another dimension. Oddly enough, you didn’t mind, and your hands travelled from his strong arms to his broad shoulders instinctively. “Take your heels off. You can step on my feet and I’ll dance for us both. Just put your arms around my neck – yes just like that,” he nodded with a smile when your fingertips nervously played with his hair, and Choso began to dance you both in time with the music. “Are you good?”

“I don’t like this lack of space between us.”

Choso smirked, “Why, do I get you all hot and bothered?”

“Jesus, Choso, you can’t be serious for a minute, huh?”

“It’s kind of hard to be serious when you’re so flustered and adorable right now,” you pulled at his hair in response, but of course, he wasn’t really hurt.

“Look at me,” he demanded, but you refused, keeping your gaze planted on your bare feet on top of his again. “Hey. I said look at me,” he tilted your chin up until you’re forced to be like prey under his gaze, his breath tickling the bow of your lips. “I am your escort for tonight – and I humbly ask that you do your part as my client so I can perform my job well. I need you to look into my eyes and pretend you’re in love with me.”

“I don’t want to fall in love with anyone,” you suddenly admitted, “I’m scared.”

“You don’t have to be,” he replied, softly this time, and his hands ran down tenderly to your hips to pull you closer to him. “I’ll be there to catch you.”

You couldn’t remember who leaned in first. The only thing you remembered was that the music faded in the background when you kissed him – or maybe he kissed you – fuck, you didn’t really remember. Eventually, the kiss grew too heated, his hands squeezing your waist while you moan at the taste of chocolate and wine on his expert tongue.

Choso easily read your mind and swooped you away from the crowd, the both of you stumbling until you made it out to the venue and onto the beach.

The salty air kissed your skin while Choso carried you bridal style, arms looped around his neck while he kept moving his lips above yours. He was laughing through the kiss with how messy and eager you were, tugging at his shirt to encourage him to unbutton it. Choso set you both down on the darker, isolated part of the beach where nothing but the sound of waves lapping against one another could be heard with your breathless pants and his chuckles.

You were lying on his jacket, dress bunched up to your chest while your legs were spread wide open for him. “Ch-Choso,” you choked out when his tongue ran flat across your slick folds, his hands keeping your hips pinned down to the sand. “I-I, please.”

“I got you, princess,” was all he said before he completely dived into your heat, his sharp nose brushing into your cunt.

It didn’t take long until you were spasming in his hold, legs closing around his head. Choso groaned into your pussy, a finger working its way inside your sopping cunt while he licks and slurps your arousal like it was fucking water. Now you understood why those girls always lost their mind – Choso was a fucking expert when it came to worshipping pussy.

Choso pulled his fingers out of you, making you whine at the sudden emptiness, but he was kind, eager to please you that he immediately replaced it with his tongue.

You cried out when you felt his tongue entering your hole, one thumb pulling the hood of your lips up to reveal your sensitive pearl. Choso rubbed your clit fervently, his other hand reaching up to squeeze and tug at your breasts while he drank your juices dripping down his tongue as if you would be his last meal – and he honestly wished you were, because you tasted like heaven on him and he wanted more.

Once he felt you clamping down on his tongue so tightly he struggled to retrieve his warm muscle back, he helped you reach your high by pinching your clit. You moaned out his name, the sound sending blood straight down his cock, and he groaned into your pussy the moment you grinded on his face as you relaxed from your orgasm.

Choso didn’t give you the chance to recover from your orgasm, pulling you up to his lap before he’s kissing you again. You moaned when you tasted yourself on his tongue, his face and cheeks sweet from your arousal and cum.

You should be ashamed, but you couldn’t find a single bone in your body that felt shy right now. Choso was right – there was no point in being shameful when it came to your pleasure.

The kiss was sloppy, more tongue than lips and teeth clashing onto another. Choso grinded you on his hardened erection in search of your heat that would bring him relief, but he slowed down and pulled away from you, a string of saliva connected from your lips. He wanted you – wanted to fuck you so badly – so he searched your eyes for the answer when you aligned the tip of his cock to your entrance. “Is this okay? Are you sure with this?”

“Yeah,” you gritted your teeth when his tip entered your tight cunt, your walls sucking him in greedily already. Choso’s head dropped down to your shoulder, his teeth sinking down to your shoulder. You slowly sat down on his thick length, but then froze before he could bottom out. “Wait, no, I’m broke! I can’t pay for your extra services!”

“It’s free for you, princess,” he rasped out, “Now sit on my lap so I can feel you around me already.”

“Do you always have to be so vulgar?”

Through the pleasure that had his abs rippling, Choso managed a laugh. “You might want to get used to it.”

“Why would I?” you breathed out, eyes shutting tight once he fully slid into you. He allowed you to get used to the sudden stretch; it had been too long since you’ve been touched this way that you were impossibly tight around him right now. Your chest rose and fall with each faltering breath, your nails running down his back when Choso gave a deep, experimental thrust that immediately hits your sweet spot.

You moaned, cheek resting on his shoulder as Choso set the pace, squeezing your ass as he bounced you up and down his cock. “You’re gone after this. Once this contract is over, you’re moving away and I won’t get to see you anymore. I-I won’t lose sleep anymore after hearing you fuck all those women and gosh, I hate you so much, you know that?”

“I hated you too,” he groaned through your skin, “Or at least, that’s what I told myself so I wouldn’t get hurt.”

“Hurt? I would never hurt you,” Really, you praised yourself for still being able to form coherent sentences even after Choso kept fucking into you.

“I’m an escort, princess, I’m everybody’s and nobody’s at the same time,” he explained almost angrily, and his lips zealously sucked love bites to the sensitive flesh of your neck, “Even if you won’t hurt me, we’re bound to crash and burn at some point. This is why we’re not allowed to get attached to anyone,” his lips brushed over her collarbone, his canines dragging along to make red marks. “Why we’re not allowed to fall,” he squeezed her breast in the palm of his hand, twisting the peaked nipple until you whined, hips bucking deeper into his cock. “Why we’re not allowed to love.”

“I-I don’t understand.”

“I’ve always liked you,” he laughed through the pleasure, holding your hips down so he could drive his cock deeper into you. Yes, he was selfish, yes, he was frustrated – and his feelings burst through the way Choso powered into you. You fell limp in his arms and he easily caught you like he always did, his eyes blown wide as he stared right into your eyes, his dick still pummeling through your gummy walls.

Choso inhaled sharply when you clenched down on him, an elongated moan spilling past your lips. “I liked you the moment you moved in and you fell flat on your face before you could greet me.”

“Shut up, don’t remind me of that!” you raked your nails down his back hard enough to draw blood, and Choso concealed the pain with light chuckle, the pain only prompting him to absolutely use you. “You’re seriously bringing it up now when you’re – ah, fuck – b-buried in me?”

Choso tugged at one of your legs and wrapped it around his waist, the sudden change of angle had you pressing down deeper into him. It felt like you were sinking closer and closer to his cock, the tip of his dick kissing your cervix until you’re crying out in his arms, scratches evident on his back.

“For now,” he breathed out, “I want to at least be selfish enough to want you now, just for now if fate won’t still allow it.”

“W-we can try,” you said in your lust-filled gaze, lips crashing down messily to his while you bounced on him, your hips slamming down at the same to meet his thrusts. “It’s not going to be easy, but we can try, right?” You cupped his face, surprised with the sudden vulnerability from his hooded eyes, looking so innocent and beautiful as if he wasn’t painting your insides white.

“Okay,” he nodded, brows pinching together. And that was all the both of you needed before Choso sank his fangs down the column of your neck to hold on his low groans; your head thrown back as you both drown in the pleasure of being with one another.

In the blink of an eye, all tenderness is Choso’s touches replaced by the hunger in his eyes and the power of his lust-filled thrusts. You were a moaning mess by the time your hips sit flat on his pelvic bone and his balls brush on your ass from how deep he was hitting you, and you felt his teeth nibble at the side of your breasts again as he warned, “But for now, I’m not going to go easy on you – not when I’ve wanted you for so long and I’ve been so hard for you these all time.”

And you allowed him. Because nothing was ever easy with Choso, but for him, you’d try pushing through hell and back.

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pontevoix · 2 months ago

Text

the name reiss does not mean family. the name reiss is the succession of a legend. a whisper of someone else’s dream, the skepticism that the dream really must fall so flat & sour, & then the consumption of familial ties. legend is not outstretched in palms or shared in blood. legend is something with teeth, with diamonds with eyes, something that bites down & kills the prospect of life before it ever lives.

uri remembers teeth breaking his skin, tearing, muscle, & always the smell of underground churches. he remembers resignation. mostly he remembers resignation. still he remembers resignation.

humanity fracting through, splintering into moments when he is useless. lapses of self, wasting away opportunities or distributing orders as though still has the power or the right to give them.

when uri remembered, he threw books at the walls. printed pages of a manuscript he had been attempting went shredded. he kicked furniture & fisted his hands so tight that his nails drew blood. this is resignation all over again.

resignation is his indulgence. it steals his life, & it lets life slip through his fingers — sometimes uri thinks that it’s an indulgence that cements a kind of terrified loss against the pit of kenny’s stomach, like an ulcer. sometimes uri thinks that kenny wouldn’t know how to look at him if he hadn’t been self-damned to resignation.

the name reiss does not mean family. they are meant as replacements to one another & they call it sacrifice. it had been an irrelevant betrayal when rod had passed the inheritance to frieda rather than ascending himself, but it had come as a relief.

the name reiss does not mean family. even now, it is not family. it is alienation, & it is power for the sake of power — cloaked in murmurs of doing good, cloaked in incidental distance, cloaked in work that uri does tangentially but never seems to remember.

but those who wear the name reiss tend to look at each other with dead eyes that mean too much compassion — they tend to look at each other with gentle touches & distance & it makes it difficult . . . for a reiss to know what loss looks like, what regret looks like, what could have been should have looked like.

they know loss as destined expiration dates & resignation. things are inevitable to a reason. things are as they always will be.

levi is full of should have beens. he is more like kenny than he ever presumed, & worse than that — he echoes the things that kenny never was. both levi & kenny have shifted into form by growing into spaces with sun, growing into spaces where there is space for air, space for expanding.

they grow into what they are allowed to become.

that there had been a time kenny’s truck busted down on the middle of an rusted old bridge — uri meandered a little listlessly by the bridge, trailing his fingers over its rungs & collecting dust against his skin. he doesn’t know anything about cars. he doesn’t pretend to know, either.

i hate that sound, kenny had interrupted. uri hadn’t realized that he was making sound. but interrupting like this was kenny, asking uri to still without forming a question or a command. kenny grew so restless that picked up a scrap of metal littering the side of the road. uri watched him throw it over the side of the bridge.

for kenny, growing into available space means that he builds an intolerance for immobility — for stuck situations, for negotiating whether he should walk alone to the nearest phone or whether uri would accompany him.

they later spend an evening, trading a cigarette on a balcony. kenny rambles as he sometimes does & tells stories without telling them. he talks about the way he always can hear metal. he can always smell metal. the sound of things like radiators banging or the sight of fingers making percussion on bridge railings . . . metal feels like empty spaces & things that never were & it makes him feel like there’s metal in his veins.

hell. maybe there is metal in me, kenny says. kenny the ripper, shit, he says. uri drums his fingers against his bicep & touches skin against skin instead.

for kenny, growing into available space means that he came first. that he had seen primal war & prosecution & reason for blood debts before armies solidified themselves into monsters that were no longer puppets. that he had seen enough of things that uri had allowed to be. kenny came first & that was reason enough for why he had made the decisions he did, for why he had been so wanting for religion in the way that uri had described it.

in the way that uri described religion in himself as something broken & all encompassing & trying for paradise.

there was a reason that kenny had sought to inherit uri’s titan. there was a reason too that kenny had not known enough of the logistics to know that uri’s visions are bound to the royal name of reiss. the name reiss does not mean family

it is difficult for a reiss to know what loss looks like, what regret looks like. it is difficult to recognize could have been should have been. there is too much resignation to know it in the same way an ackerman does, grown into their allotted space.

but uri knows that he had given kenny a reason for loss. & he worries that he will give kenny a reason for loss again. this is the cruelty that comes with resignation.

levi has come second. he grows into space that has changed since kenny first started seeing war, & he grows into a space that has demanded legend after legend after legend. it has given him just enough softness to make loss bruise rather than cut, ache rather than rage.

uri is patient in the way that he also is with kenny –– he gives levi the floor, lets him think through his words, his jumbled thoughts, the tears that stain his cheeks & that have since dried. the name reiss does not mean family

but this is not the family reiss. this is levi at the end of youth & preserving the ways that he has grown in this life. this is levi, grieving something more than uri had grieved when he sank into resignation.

uri rubs at his knees with his palms again. his lips purse into what might be a smile or a grimace. ‘ kenny & i were bonded, ‘ he concedes. though it isn’t as simple as that. in the first life, kenny & he had never spoken of the bond as anything that had been theirs. they only spoke of it as a legend.

uri spoke of it as a legend. kenny had just liked to listen to him speak.

when they’ve spoken of it now, it’s been in passing arguments & abuses of power. when they’ve spoken of it now, the bond is not always a boon.

‘ the bond was kenny’s choosing to watch me die for a decade, ‘ uri muses — & it’s a gentle correction that having the bond is not so clean, that it is possible that the bonds were never anything with a fair resolution. ‘ the bond was kenny’s wanting to know why i was dying if i had the type of power that could terrify him. the bond was that i leaned on him anyway. ‘

the bond is created for two. however, uri is uncertain that the bond was ever something that was meant to be deciphered - even between those who held it.

uri tilts his head back. tries to remember. tries not to remember too much.

‘ i know what the common story about the bonds. that the bond was about protection & servitude. but the people who told those stories were reiss. they were tied to the founder & tied to paradis. we wanted to think of a bloodline like an asset. it was better to name the bond as a way to subjugate the threat of ackerman. i don’t think that’s what the bond was. do you ? ‘

for a second, he imagines that his eyes turn into diamonds. so he closes his eyes & exhales a laugh.

‘ i never thought for a second that i was in need of bodily protection from kenny. nor did i ever think that i experienced what he did of the bond. but i think the bond was an agreement between us. ‘

he doesn’t think it’s possible that the bond could be a dead end road. but that doesn’t mean the bond is enough.

it doesn’t mean any of it was enough. or that any of it was justified.

so now an old king counts tears, & levi counts his losses.

that prick abandoned me. i should have stabbed him when i had the chance, levi says. uri is fair, & so he makes another concession.

‘ he did abandon you. i am sorry . . . for the ways that he has left you. more than once. ‘

it’s not his apology to make. still, uri claims it. because it’s an argument he has made, & because spreading hurt is something kenny thinks is predestined. because kenny came first. because he has grown this way.

still, uri still chooses him. because kenny chooses uri too.

‘ i think he would have liked to have made better decisions. & i know he didn’t want you to suffer. ‘

but suffering was something kenny also thought to be inevitable.

it doesn’t mean any of it was enough. or that any of it was justified.

the name reiss does not mean family. ackerman is family — but they grow themselves twisted.

there is every inch of him that hears that he is more like kenny than he has ever presumed, that he talks in the same circles & twists himself until he believes his own words. he thinks that part is wrong –– he talks himself into a spiral & feels the ache of it in his bones until it's an anxiety attack that's waiting to happen, pushing up against his chest & stealing his breath. it's a horrible habit to have; he's had it since he was a toddler on the playground, frowning at those who chose to pick fights & trying to convince himself that kuchel wouldn't be mad this time. it's a horrible habit that he hasn't been able to break –– & now that he's sat there with only his thoughts, he wonders if he was like this before.

he thinks he wasn't when farlan was alive. it had taken his death to solidify something in him, someone that was afraid to love & lose. someone who played in the necessary roles of brute & monster because it was expected of him, because there was something that had been horribly needed of him. there had been a protective nature to it, both in himself & the way that he had stepped into this role for erwin. erwin had asked it of him without much preamble & he had gone because something in him had told him to.

the bond.

it makes him swallow hard, his eyes already aching from the tears & his head pounding its own drumbeat out. the bond had been there from the start, but he hadn't known what to call it then. it hadn't been until after kenny's death that he had learned what the ackerman bond was –– & the way that he was meant to serve a king. yet erwin had never been a king & his bond had solidified, chosen him of all people to be attached to. to curl that red thread of fate around them, twist it around their wrists & necks, & told them to do what they will with it.

he thinks of uri & kenny now, thinks of the way that kenny had been so damn consumed with the thought of becoming a titan until he had learned that he couldn't. how even in his last moments up against that tree he had thought of uri. he had thought of him so damn clearly. it had never been about being a servant to the first king or what vices people had –– kenny had been talking about uri & what they had had.

the bond.

kenny had had it with uri –– had looked at the king as an ackerman & chose to serve him. the bond had snapped into place when they had met. kenny had watched him die, had stayed in the capital, & had lived with that same ache in his chest that levi had without erwin. there was some sort of cruel irony in the fact that him & kenny have found more solid ground to stand on. he can't decide if he likes the knowledge or not.

a careful breath & he almost, almost lets out a manic laugh. for the first time, he wishes kenny were here. he wishes someone who understood the pain, the bond, the self loathing that came with it, the doubts, were here. uri sees it through the eyes that erwin had, someone on the other end of the bond. he doesn't understand the true ramifications of it, how you realize that your feelings might not be your own. how it curls around your neck & chokes & you go down to your knees & almost beg for it. but he remembers the way that erwin had held himself at a distance, too. he remembers the way that he hadn't believed that the bond was a tangible thing. he remembers that apprehension on the blonde's face –– like maybe levi was going off of something that wasn't his own.

tongue presses up against the roof of his mouth as he lets out another shaky breath. his head is a jumbled mess of feelings & moments that both feel familiar & like they're through a dream in the same breath. there's an ache in his heart & he doesn't know what to do, where to start; there's so many conflictions that make his stomach roil.

so he starts where he can. he puts aside his feelings for erwin for a moment, on the things that he choose, on the way that uri welcomes him into his home no matter his choice. he sees the careful judgment in those eyes, the ones that tell him that he is so much like his uncle that it's actively painful. but uri is patient in the way that he also is with kenny –– he gives levi the floor, lets him think through his words, his jumbled thoughts, the tears that stain his cheeks & that have since dried.

for a change, he allows himself to sink into the patience of it, the calm demeanor. uri is responding like this because he has regained his memories –– he has done this before, has already chimed his way through, sorted the clutter, allows everything to pull in close & suffocate until there was nothing left. so levi allows him the courtesy that he never has before & confides, the words careful.

it doesn't matter what the founder may have seen or how far uri's knowledge of the previous life might extend. this is levi's moment & the things that he allows himself to speak that he could not before.

" you & kenny were bonded. " the words are simple as they tumble out from his lips, & he clears his throat a few times to talk through the build up that's started there from his tears. he realizes his hands are trembling & shoves them underneath his thighs to punish them into silence. there's a careful, imploring look in his slate eyes when he meets uri's, brows furrowed ever so slightly. the bond has made them come back together now –– has aided in those feelings, had given them a warmth.

levi realizes that for the first time in his life, he is jealous of kenny & what he has with uri.

" i know that doesn't transcend what happens now. the bond is a myth here. but i just… " levi's brows furrow & he lets out a frustrated noise; the thoughts & words are jumbling again, his eyes shutting tightly for a long moment as he tries to settle them. when he opens them, they aren't any better –– but he allows himself the moment of ineloquent. " i had the bond too. i don't…think he did in return. "

it dawns on him that it's the first time that he's voiced the thought out loud, past & present, that maybe erwin loved him but not in the ways that levi needed. not in the ways that meant that there would've been a future had he survived the suicide charge. that now he can admit that yes, there were feelings: there was something there, a normal feeling of attraction. but there had been too many circumstances, too many what if's to be comfortable. erwin spoke in riddles that had be deciphered & levi had never been the best at it when it came to normal speak, not battle speak.

but there's that whisper of doubt in his mind –– the erwin of this life has interest in him. if he stays, if erwin remembers, will it go back to the way that it was? will there be this constant strain of holding him at a distance because it's what he thinks is right?

levi rubs at his temples & swallows hard, tries to push past the tears that are threatening again. he never considered himself someone who cried often in front of others; uri is getting the privilege of seeing him at his worst, & he doesn't think that's an actual privilege.

frustrated breath leaves his lips & he pulls the stupid truck stop pillow closer to his chest, almost relishes in the scent of cheap beer & cologne, because it's something familiar. the fact that it is makes his heart ache more –– he remembers that abandonment, remembers being so fucking young & watching kenny walk away because the damn ackerman in him awoken. he was too young to fend for himself. he had lost everything.

it's another thing that makes the tears well up harder & he lets out a bark of startled laughter this time, lets it fill the space awkwardly between them because he's crying over kenny. out of everyone that he ever thought he would shed a tear for, it had never been him. but he rubs at his eyes now & tries to pressure them into stopping, but they're fresh, sliding down now, unbidden. " that prick abandoned me. i should have stabbed him when i had the chance. "

there's another ugly bubble of laughter & his hands grip at the edges of his hair, tug slightly to try & ground him as it all spirals apart once more. " & then he had the nerve to give me that fucking syringe like a peace offering. "

a quiet frown, something more placid, & he feels the headache growing stronger from the repeated surges of emotions that he's not used to handling. " he talked about you even at the end. & told me what i was, who i was. did you know i used to think he was my father? "

#100. c. reiss #a little sleepy in editing but sdfgfds #chaoslulled

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caitimetravels · 3 years ago

Text

she’s insignificant

chapter 3: the dangers inside

the umbrella academy x reader

disclaimer: i do not own the plot/storyline of the netflix tv series and i do not own the umbrella academy characters.

warnings: swearing, mentions of death

masterlist

y/n stared at the blue energy in the courtyard before deciding to join her siblings as they rushed to see what it was. as she ran down the stairs she caught sight of klaus holding a fire extinguisher.

"what are you doing?" she caught up with him.

"something" he shrugged, bursting out the door first. "out of the way!"

"thats not going to- klaus what the hell?" y/n went to stop him only to watch as he tried to extinguish the mass of energy. she shook her head in disbelief, stepping beside vanya.

klaus chucked the extinguisher when he realised it wouldn't work.

"what is that gonna do?" allison shouted over the loud noise. klaus threw his hands up.

"i don't know. do you have a better idea?" he stepped back in surprise as another flash came from the portal. luther pulled klaus back.

"everyone get behind me!" and in true sibling rivalry diego nodded, shielding vanya and y/n.

"yeah, get behind us!"

they watched, brows furrowing at the familiar figure that dropped to the ground. as they stepped closer the vortex disappeared.

"is that-?" y/n looked up at vanya, peeking around diego to see.

there, in a too large sized suit, stood their missing brother. he pushed himself to his feet taking in their appearance.

"does anyone else see little number five is that just me?" klaus questioned as they walked closer. the said boy stared down at himself in confusion before looking back at them.

"shit" he cursed.

--------------------------------------------------

they all moved back into the kitchen, letting five do as he pleased while he explained what he needed to.

he placed a chopping board and knife on the table while the others stood at the other end. y/n stood off to the corner, not entirely comfortable with them after being accused of murder. "what's the date? the exact date"

five walked around, grabbing bread to make himself a sandwich. vanya answered, "the 24th"

"of what?" five pushed walking back over.

"march"

"good" he pulled out two pieces of bread, laying them on the chopping board.

"so, are we going to talk about what just happened?" luther raised an eyebrow, expectantly but five stayed silent. "its been 17 years!" luther stood, frustrated but five wasn't taking any of his bullshit.

"it's been a lot longer than that" the shorter boy walked towards him before blinking behind him to grab the marshmallows. luther sighed,

"i haven't missed that"

"where'd you go?" diego piped up, unfazed.

"the future" five sighed, "and it's shit by the way" he opened up the bag of marshmallows.

"called it!" klaus raised his finger.

"do you want one?" five looked up at y/n, referring to the sandwich, a soft gleam in his eyes. the others shared a look, of course he had only missed her. she gently shook her head with a small smile. "i should have listened to the old man" five walked to the fridge, pulling out a jar. "he knew. travelling through space is one thing, travelling through time is a toss of the dice"

he paused as he opened the peanut butter, looking up at them again before noticing klaus' attire. "nice dress"

"oh, danke" klaus twirled loose material around. allison rolled her eyes.

"how did you get back?"

"in the end i had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time" he continued making his sandwich like he hadn't just shocked them.

"that makes no sense" diego scoffed,

"well, it would if you were smarter" five shrugged, ignoring the way diego stood up to fight him. luther held him back.

"did you put a decimal point in the wrong spot?" y/n asked, surprising the others. she crossed her arms, thinking "it was probably a miscalculation in your proof of the existence of a bound for the number of limit cycles of planar polynomial vector fields of fixed degree."

five paused, thinking it over before realising she was right. "it should have been 0.57" he mumbled.

"how long were you there?" luther changed the subject, obviously confused.

"45 years" five went back to his sandwich making. "give or take"

everyone sat back down in shock.

"so what are you saying? that you're 58?!" luther narrowed his eyes in disbelief. there was no way.

"no" five looked up, speaking through gritted teeth. "my consciousness is 58. apparently my body is now 16 again"

"how does that even work?" vanya croaked out, still shocked at the situation.

"delores kept saying the equations were off" five shrugged, stepping away and looking off into the distance as he took a bite of his sandwich. "bet she's laughing now"

"delores?" vanya asked. y/n froze, he had kept her? at the girl's movement, or lack thereof, allison looked over at her, raising her eyebrows.

y/n shook her head, waving it off.

five picked up the newspaper on the table, staring at the picture of their father.

"hm.. guess i missed the funeral"

"how'd you know about that?" luther questioned, defensive.

"what part of the future do you not understand?" five narrowed his eyes, slightly amused by his brothers incompetence. "heart failure, huh?"

"yeah-" diego started only to be cut off by luther.

"no" there was silence for a moment before a kitchen knife stabbed into the table beside luther's hand.

"if i had murderous intent, luther, you'd be the first on my list" y/n scoffed, walking out.

they all stared after her in shock.

"nice to see nothing's changed" five sighed before following her out.

"thats it?" allison asked, turning towards him as he walked. "thats all you have to say?"

"what else is there to say? circle of life" he called back.

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vanya walked up to five in the parlour where he stood staring at his painting.

"nice to know dad didn't forget me" five turned to her, "read your book by the way.. found it in the library that was still standing"

he started to walk around, noticing y/n sitting on the balcony above. she had her legs dangling through the bars, calmly reading a book. he turned back to vanya.

"thought it was pretty good, all things considered" he stared her down, "definitely ballsy, giving up the family secrets. sure that went over well"

"they hate me" vanya frowned,

"well there are worse things that can happen" five was obviously trying to cheer her up, in his own way.

"you mean like what happened to ben?" there was a pause, both thinking it over.

"was it bad?" five asked softly, he knew y/n was still listening. he heard the faint sound of a book shutting. he looked away as vanya nodded.

"y/n had a hard time dealing with it.. the worst of all of us. dad forbid her from going on missions after her reaction.."

"her reaction?" five turned back, eyebrows furrowing, this wasn't in vanya's book.

"she nearly tore our souls out.. she was devastated and couldn't control her emotions. dad said it helped her though, something about a new ability. he trained her alone from then, forcing her to find you" vanya shrugged, sighing, going silent.

"find me?" five pushed, "what do you mean find me?"

"she said she did.. did she not?" vanya looked surprised now.

"no, no she did.. just didn't stay long is all" five shook his head, frowning.

"yeah well, they stopped trying when she lied to dad"

"she lied?" five looked back up at where she was previously sitting but now she was gone, the only thing left behind was her book and a wisp of smoke.

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"ben.. i'm- i'm scared" eight sat cross legged in front of his statue. "my powers are getting stronger and i'm scared to hurt the others. i wish you were still here" she refused to cry no matter how much she wanted to. she couldn't let the same thing happen.

"i'm scared ben. what if i can't control it? what if hurt somebody? you're not here to help me and i-.. it hurts sometimes. dad doesn't understand, he never did but it hurts to suppress my emotions like he wants me to. we try so hard and he still never thinks we're enough.." she paused, pulling her knees up to her chest. "what if i am weak? what if he's right?"

unbeknownst to her ben's ghost sat beside her. "you're not weak" he shook his head, moving to look at her face. "you'll never be weak, you're so strong. please keep being strong for me" he pleaded with her as she continued to blame herself. he hated this. he hated not being there for her. he just wanted her to be okay.

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y/n walked beside five, standing under his umbrella with him. they didn't speak as they walked back out into the courtyard. the siblings all stood in line with luther in front of them, carrying their dad's ashes.

"did something happen?" grace looked at them all, smiling despite the occasion. they all looked up at her.

"dad died.." allison answered, confused. "remember?"

"oh, yes of course" grace nodded, expression turning more somber.

"is mom okay?" allison asked, now worried about how grace was acting.

"yeah, yeah she's fine" diego quickly defended, "she just needs to rest, you know, recharge" allison looked incredulous but dropped it nonetheless.

pogo stepped forwards, looking up at luther. "whenever you're ready, dear boy"

luther breathed out, opening the lid and dropping the ashes in a pitiful pile. they all frowned.

"probably would have been better with some wind" luther griped,

"does anyone wish to speak?" pogo ignored it, looking at the rest of them. everyone stayed silent, looking away. "very well.. in all regards, sir reginald hargreeves made me what i am today, for that alone i shall forever be in his debt. he was my master and my friend and i shall miss him very much.." he paused, "he leaves behind a complicated legacy-"

"he was a monster" diego cut off, still staring down at the ashes. klaus laughed. "he was bad person and a worse father. the world's better off without him-"

"diego" allison scolded, glaring at him in surprise.

"my name is number two. you know why?" he looked over at her. "because our father couldn't be bothered to give us actual names, he had mom do it"

"would anyone like something to eat?" grace asked, smiling again, unaware of what was happening.

"no, its okay mom" vanya denied, albeit confused.

"oh, okay"

"look, you wanna pay your respects" diego stepped out in front of them, "go head, but at least be honest about the kind of man he was" he looked at pogo now.

"you should stop talking now" luther warned, anger growing. diego glared at him for a moment before fully turning to face him.

"you know, you of all people should be on my side here, number one"

"i am warning you-" diego ignored him,

"after everything he did to you" y/n sighed, crossing her arms to her chest, fighting wasn't going to fix any of them. klaus and five shared a look. "he had to ship you a million miles away"

"diego stop talking-" luther tried again. diego was definitely hitting a nerve. he jabbed a finger into luther's chest.

"that's how much he couldn't stand the sight of you!" luther grabbed his arm and swung at his head. diego ducked. they begun fighting while everyone else backed away.

"boys! stop this at once!" pogo attempted to stop them, moving back despite this.

klaus held an arm out to shield five and y/n. the former slapped it away. they continued to fight, diego egging him on and landing several punches. klaus began to chant while vanya yelled at them to stop.

"klaus" y/n warned, gaining both his and five's attention. her eyes were turning black, she was struggling.

"y/n? are you okay?" five hadn't been there, he didn't know what she would do if she lost control. pogo walked away, not wanting to stay. klaus nervously watched y/n while the others watched luther and diego fight.

"i don't have time for this" five sighed, beginning to walk away, leaving y/n with klaus under his small pink umbrella.

that was when it happened. y/n froze as they knocked ben's statue.

"aw" klaus complained while allison glared at them.

"and there goes ben's statue"

"klaus?" y/n's voice scared them all. she sounded weak. she gripped his jacket, tightly. "klaus"

"what's wrong?" he looked down at her, watching as she fought her emotions. her eyes were turning black but she kept fighting it.

diego pulled out his knife and vanya's shouting at him to stop made it harder for y/n to calm herself. he threw it at luther, cutting his arm.

"klaus" she called again and he held her arm unsure of what to do. "i-i can't.. i can't-" she let out a pained whine as her eyes darkened, she was letting go. suddenly diego and luther let out shouts of pain.

"what's going on?!" allison watched them, confused and distraught. vanya quickly left their mother's side, pulling y/n into her.

"its okay, you're okay" vanya whispered to her, trying to calm her. "it can be fixed, you're okay, just relax. try to relax" listening to vanya's heartbeat she slowly calmed down, the blackness of her eyes seeping away and diego and luther straightened, no longer in pain.

y/n stared at them in shock and guilt before shaking her head and running inside. she locked herself in her room again. she was truly a demon.

--------------------------------------------------

one by one the siblings left, y/n watched sadly as they all abandoned her again. she was always left alone, the family problems only got bigger when they got together. she sighed, maybe she was better off alone.

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y/n looked up from her book as she heard frantic footsteps around the mansion. peeking out her door she noticed vanya slowing down in front of five's room.

"oh thank god" she disappeared through his doorway but y/n could still hear her voice. "i was worried sick about you"

five had talked to vanya? why hadn't he come to her?

"sorry i left without saying goodbye" five's voice answered softly. what had he been doing? y/n quietly left her room to hear better. she wanted to be apart of her brother's plans too. she didn't want to be left out anymore.

"no, i'm the one that should be sorry. i was dismissive and i guess i didn't know how to process what you were saying.." vanya paused, "i still can't to be honest"

"maybe you were right to be dismissive" five huffed, that didn't sound like him at all? what was he really doing? "maybe it wasn't real after all.. it felt real. but well, like you said the old man did say time travel could contaminate the mind"

well vanya referred him to a therapist y/n tried to sense the room. something else was going on. carefully using her power she felt another person.. klaus. when vanya walked out y/n quickly turned to smoke, gliding along the floor, past five who watched vanya leave. klaus pulled himself out of the closet.

"that's so touching, all that stuff about family and dad and time"

"will you shut up? she'll hear you" five warned him, walking back over.

"you're lying to vanya?" y/n appeared next to klaus, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

"it's nothing you should worry about" five dismissed before looking klaus over again. "i thought i told you to put on something professional"

"what? this my nicest outfit" klaus gestured to it. y/n snorted when five scoffed.

"we'll raid the old man's closet"

"whatever, as long as i get paid" klaus shrugged, beginning to walk behind five.

"when the job is done" they stopped just above the stairs.

"so, where are we going?" she followed along, smiling innocently at five who raised an eyebrow at her.

"not we, just klaus and i" five shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"five" she frowned,

"y/n" he mocked.

"just let me come, please don't leave me in the dark. i just want to help you" she pleaded, she had missed him.

he thought it over before sighing, "fine" he turned to walk again but klaus stopped him.

"but just so we're clear on the finer details" he waved his hand around, talking over the plan. "i just got to go into this place and pretend to be your dear old dad, correct?"

"yeah, something like that" five agreed, exasperated.

"what's our cover story?" klaus continued, ignoring five's look of annoyance.

"what? what are you talking about?" five shared a confused look with y/n who shrugged.

"i mean was i young when i had you, like 16.. like young and terribly misguided" five agreed just to get him to stop but he didn't. "your mother, that slut, whoever she was, we met at.. the disco and you can be his sister"

"i am his sister?" y/n raised an eyebrow, but klaus only smiled, clicking his fingers.

"okay, remember that. oh my god the sex was amazing"

y/n scoffed, walking away first, five following. "what a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain"

"don't make me put you in time out" klaus waved a finger at him.

as they walked out the door onto the street y/n paused.

"what's wrong, baby sis?" klaus asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "you're not backing out already?"

"no!" she quickly denied, looking up at him as she snapped out of her starstruck daze. "it's just.. i haven't left the house in 16 years.."

klaus and five shared a sorrowful look. what had happened to her?

tags: @rxses-and-reverie

#tua #the umbrella academy #tua x reader #the umbrella academy x reader #tua x sibling reader #the umbrella academy x sibling reader #five hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #allison hargreeves #diego hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #luther hargreeves #five hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves x reader #allison hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves x reader #vanya hargreeves x reader #luther hargreeves x reader

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