#and Sasha finally knows what it feels like to genuinely love and be loved | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

syoish-aot · 2 months

Text

"I Found You" - EREN/READER - REVERSE ISEKAI (part 8 - FINALE)

reverse isekai, time travel, memory loss

post canon

reader/eren

word count: 3912

<- PART 7

*note: This part includes the song "Until I Found You" by Stephen Sanchez (spotify / youtube) and I very strongly recommend listening to it once that scene starts. You'll be able to tell when to play it.

And now, for the end:

*****

You thought that with Mikasa here, Eren would finally start to act more normal.

You thought wrong.

In fact, it almost feels like he’s avoiding you more now.

You can barely catch sight of him in the crowded restaurant, as the hours pass and everyone gets a little more drunk. On the occasions that you do see him, he’s always tucked away in a corner talking to Armin. Or Mikasa. Or Jean or Sasha or Connie.

The fact that it’s them isn’t weird, they’re his best friends, but what is weird is that you’re not included. What is weird is the way the conversation comes to a sudden stop when you approach. What is weird is the sudden tension that washes over Eren as his back straightens, he takes in a breath, and his eyes immediately go to anywhere but you.

It’s. Weird.

And it hurts so much that you constantly have to remind yourself not to cry.

You’re trying to piece together what happened. What you did wrong. But you genuinely have no idea! Last night had been date night. You’d gone out to see a movie that Eren had been dying to see and then you came home. You and Eren made dinner together before you fell into bed and passed out next to each other, feeling like your life was perfect.

But then you’d woken up this morning and things had been far from perfect.

Things had been the exact opposite of perfe-

“You look like shit,” Hitch says as she leans against the bar next to you.

“Lovely to see you too, Hitch.”

Hitch is more of a friend-in-law than anything. A member of Eren’s social circle that you were sucked into when the two of you started dating. The only times you've really been “close” to her have been during drunken meet-ups in bar bathrooms when you've both sobbed about how pretty the other is while vowing to be best friends for life.

Normal girl stuff.

“Trouble in paradise~?” She teases as you roll your eyes and take another sip of your drink.

“No.” You immediately answer (despite the obvious lie).

Hitch laughs. “Alright, so the way you keep glaring at your boyfriend is some new form of foreplay then?”

Your cheeks burn. “Hitch that’s- you’re so gross!”

Hitch shrugs. “I’m just calling it like it is.”

Her eyes follow yours and she looks over at Eren. He’s on the other side of the restaurant with Armin, speaking in hushed tones with a serious expression on his face.

“I’m worried he’s about to break up with me.” The words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them.

In a shocking turn of events, Hitch doesn’t tease you about it. “Really?” She asks seriously.

“...yeah…”

“What makes you say that?”

“He’s just-” you sigh, “he was so weird this morning and he’s been avoiding me all day. When he looks at me it’s completely different from the way he normally looks at me. It’s like he’s- like he’s mad or something. I don’t get it.”

Hitch shrugs. “Did you guys get into a fight?”

“No.”

“Then he’s probably just being a weird guy about something. I bet you said something stupid and now he’s all in his head. Men are like that, you know. Stupidly emotional over the tiniest things.”

The world really must be fucked, because what Hitch is saying almost… makes sense.

“At the risk of regretting this,” you start before you tear your eyes away from Eren and look over at her, “what should I do?”

Hitch snickers and smiles that stupid Cheshire cat smile that you hate. “If it were me,” which you’re glad it’s not, given Hitch’s awful track record, “I’d give him a nice little reminder of what he’d be missing if he left.”

“Like what?”

“Quickie in the bathroom. I dunno.”

Your cheeks burn for the second time. “Hitch it’s the opening night of Niccolo’s restaurant!!”

She laughs loudly. “And what a perfect way to christen the handicap stall!”

“I can’t believe you…” You mumble as you stare back at your glass.

Then again… maybe she’s not completely wrong.

Not about screwing your boyfriend in the bathroom of your friend’s newly opened restaurant, of course! But about giving Eren a reminder. It didn’t seem like an awful idea, anyway.

You stare down at your drink.

And then you chug the rest of it.

*****

“So we’re just born again or something and it’s- it’s like no one even cares about before?” Eren asked, scowling at the table he and Armin were sitting at. Mikasa had filled him in about how everyone’s memories get triggered at some point, but she’d left it at that after they’d gotten distracted talking about-...

His eyes naturally trail across the restaurant until they fall to you.

His cheeks flush.

Damit.

He looks away.

Armin laughs softly. “I know it’s confusing right now, but you’ll get used to it.”

“Doubt that,” Eren mumbled as he returned to the subject at hand. He takes a nervous breath. “I-... I killed too many people to get off that easy.”

Armin was silent for a moment. “Yes we-... we did.”

Eren slowly looks over at Armin. Armin, who was staring into his glass as he ran his thumb up and down the condensation, seemingly lost in thought.

“The thing about this life though,” Armin starts, “is that everyone has an understanding that it’s… it’s different. None of the stuff that happened before happened here. Yes, you still need to make amends but- but everyone gets it. Everyone understands that our last lives were complicated and instead of focusing on that we just try to enjoy the chance we’ve been given to live again.”

Eren looks around the restaurant at the people he knew hundreds of years ago who are alive again under completely different circumstances.

Marco is playing darts with Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt. He hits a bullseye and all four of them cheer.

Sasha is sneaking a french fry off of Gabi’s plate. Gabi smacks her and with a scowl but Sasha flashes her a peace sign and sticks the french fry into her mouth.

Samuel wraps an arm around Connie’s shoulder and ruffles his short hair as Daz laughs next to them.

And then his eyes fall to you.

You, chatting with Hitch, of all people, at the bar.

You’re blushing about something, and he can’t help but admit to himself that you look cute when you do it. His heart does what it’s done all day when he looks at you and it starts pounding in his chest. He doesn’t get it. He really doesn’t get it. Who are you and how do you fit in with everyone here? You’re the only person in the entire restaurant that he doesn’t know, and yet the way you talk to everyone makes it seem like you’ve known them all just as long as he has.

Maybe even longer.

“You’re probably wondering who she is.” Armin smiles.

Eren’s cheeks turn slightly pink (again) and he quickly looks away from you as if he’s ashamed that he’d been caught.

And he is, sort of.

He is ashamed that he doesn’t remember someone who seems to matter so much.

“I wasn’t wondering…” Eren lies.

Instead of prodding, Armin just laughs and takes a sip of his beer. “Not everyone is like us,” Armin tells him, as he places his glass back on the table.

“You mean reincarnated or- or whatever this is?”

“Yeah,” Armin replies, “exactly.”

“Why’s that?”

“No one knows.” Armin answers. “We all have our guesses, obviously, but it’ll be impossible to ever prove any of them right.”

“What do you think?” If anyone had it figured out (or at least mostly figured out) it would have been Armin.

Armin pauses for a moment. “I think… I think that this life gets given to people who deserve a second chance. People who didn’t get to live happily the first time around, so now they can try again.”

“What’s your proof of that?”

“No proof,” Armin laughs, “just a feeling.”

“Hm.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Eren mumbles. “You’re just… different now.”

Armin throws his head back and laughs. “Hopefully not too different.”

“Nah. It’s a good thing. You were too much of a know-it-all before.” The corners of Eren’s lips tug into a small smile as he says it and it feels- it feels good to smile. He didn’t get to do much of that in his last few years alive.

Armin scoffs before he laughs. “Rude Eren, rude.”

Eren’s smile grows wider as their eyes meet and he feels… alive.

For the first time since he woke up, he feels alive.

“Hey, Eren.”

The smile immediately wipes off his face as you appear next to him.

Coffee. Marker. Spaghetti and wine.

Eren rapidly blinks as he reaches up to rub his temples. “The fuck is-”

Your hands are in his. You pull them away from his head and Eren’s eyes flutter open to see you right in front of him. Just like how he’d woken up that morning.

He quickly looks over at Armin, wordlessly asking for his best friend to save him.

Instead, Armin smiles and says: “I’ll give you guys some alone time.”

“But Armin I-”

“What?” He asks with a short laugh. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to spend time with your girlfriend?”

Eren’s mouth slams shut. He feels like it’d be weird if he denied it because obviously the version of him that knew her would have been jumping at the opportunity.

“Don’t stress about it, Eren,” Armin tells him as he places a hand on Eren’s shoulder. He suddenly gets a suspicion that his friend knows about the random thoughts that keep coming to mind. “Just take it slow and you’ll figure it out.” Armin pats his shoulder before walking away.

“R-Right…” Eren mumbles.

Ever so slowly, he looks back to you.

Your hands are still holding his as you stare up at him. Eyes wide, lips slightly parted and taking in shallow breaths. It looks like you’re studying him. Watching. Waiting for some sort of clue that’ll give you a big grand “ah-hah!” moment.

And it makes his heart race.

His fingers twitch with the desire to reach up and tuck a piece of hair behind your ear as if- as if he knows what it would feel like to do that.

As if he’d done it before.

“Follow your instincts,” Mikasa had told him, “no matter which lifetime, you’ve always been pretty good at doing that.”

Eren swallows a lump in his throat and, for the first time all day, he lets the part of him that has been begging him to talk to you, to be next to you, to touch you-

He lets it take over.

He lets his instincts take over.

His fingers delicately ghost across your cheek, which starts to warm under his touch. He tucks a piece of hair behind your ear but his fingers linger there for a moment longer, admiring your soft skin and the way it sends a rush from his fingers right through to his heart.

Laughing as you walk through the park on campus. Taking pictures at your university graduation. Drunkenly stumbling down the street after a night out.

This time it’s not single sensations with no context of where they’re from. This time the thoughts- the memories, Eren realizes, are more vivid. More real. And it’s you, clearly you, front and center in all of them.

It’s you.

“I’m-” he speaks without even knowing he’s doing it. It’s his instincts again. The part of him that knows you. “I’ve been- um… distant.”

“Yeah..” you answer softly.

“I just- My head’s all- I-”

“Eren.” You cut him off and he immediately looks back at you.

The night sky. The stars. A swirl of green and blue.

You smile as you reach up to cup his hand, the hand that’s still against your cheek, in yours. “I love you.” You tell him.

The words tumble from Eren’s mouth before he even has a second to catch them: “I love you too.”

“Let's clear up some space, guys!” Niccolo calls as everyone begins to push the tables aside to make room for a dance floor.

You and Eren, snapped out of whatever moment you’d been having, jump apart.

Before the music even starts Sasha excitedly dances around as she pulls Niccolo along with her in anticipation.

Yesterday, you would have done the same thing as Sasha and tugged your boyfriend to the dance floor without the option of saying ‘no’. But today- today things are different and you still don’t know why.

You’re worried that if you asked him to dance he’d…

The music starts and you can’t help glancing over at Eren only to realize he’s already looking at you.

Your cheeks flush a light pink in response and, for some reason, his do the same. There’s a moment of hesitation, a moment where you think he’s going to turn away and avoid you like he’d been doing all day.

And then…

Georgia~

Eren holds a hand out to you.

Wrap me up in all your- I want you…

You slowly take it.

In my arms- Oh, let me…

He pulls you closer.

…hold you

His other hand presses to your lower back.

I’ll never let you go again, like I did

Oh, I used to say~

And then you’re slowly moving, just the two of you, sucked into your own little world as you become completely oblivious to everyone around you.

He avoids your eyes but still finds a way to steal little glances here and there. He seems-

Embarrassed.

Just like he did the day you accidentally ran a black marker over his new shirt.

I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her- I found you

“Welcome back, stranger.” You smiled at Eren as he entered the coffee shop for the second time.

Georgia, pulled me in I asked to- love her

“Are you asking me on a date?” “Don’t laugh, you’ll hurt my ego.”

Once again You fell, I- caught you

You both jump as you walk side-by-side and your hands accidentally brush against each other. You look over at him at the same time he tries to steal a glance at you. And then you both burst out laughing.

“I would never fall in love again until I found her”

You kiss for the first time on a park bench.

I said, “I would never fall unless it’s you I fall into”

“I love you.” “That’s… so cringe.”

I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her

You excitedly threw yourself into his arms as he placed his last moving box in your apartment.

I found you

The memories come back to Eren in vivid flashes as you move around the dance floor. It should be overwhelming- having two lives suddenly meshing together in his head but it’s- it’s not. It’s-

“Eren?” You ask, just like you’d been doing all day and never receiving an answer. “Are you okay?”

He slides a red velvet box into his bedside table before you burst into the room and ruin the surprise.

“Yeah,” Eren answers softly, “I’m-...”

I would never fall in love again until I found her

“I’m great.” He smiles.

I said, “I would never fall unless it’s you I fall into”

His hand comes up to cup your cheek, gently stroking his thumb across your skin.

I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her

Your lips meet.

I found you…

You come to a slow stop on the dance floor as you kiss, the memories of his lives- both of them, settling in their entirety in Eren’s mind.

He might not have known you in his last lifetime, but he found you in this one.

And in that moment, to Eren, that was all that mattered.

Eren pulls away, smiling down at you as his thumb brushes across your cheek. He wonders what would happen if he did try to explain it to you. Sure, he might sound crazy, but he has a feeling that you’d believe him. That you’d understand. That you’d hear him out and be just as equally amazed as he is when you realize what an amazing opportunity he’s been given, they've all been given, to live for the second time.

So maybe he’ll tell you one day.

Maybe they all will.

Eren settles on the promise to himself. The promise that one day he’d be honest. For now though, he just wanted to enjoy the life he’d been given.

And the fact that because of it, he found you.

********

“It looks great, Niccolo,” Eren tells his friend with a wide grin as he firmly shakes his hand. “Bet you’ll have the most popular restaurant on the whole block.”

“My only competition is a bakery that’s closed every day but Sundays,” Niccolo replies.

“See? You’re already killing it!”

Niccolo laughs and shakes his head. “Glad you could make it, Eren.” He says, patting Eren’s shoulder as he passes him a knowing glance. “And… we’re glad to have you back.”

You aren’t entirely sure what Niccolo means by it, but you figured that today was weird enough that you aren’t going to question it.

“Nicoooooooooo…” Sasha drunkenly drawls as she leans against the door of the restaurant. “There’s no more wineeeee…”

“Oh god.” Niccolo sighs.

You snicker as he turns around and catches his shit-faced fiancé before she ends up face-first against the pavement.

“Ready to go?” Eren asks, wrapping his arm around your shoulders before he presses his lips to the top of your head.

“Yep!”

You and Eren were one of the last few to leave. Everyone else had gotten way too drunk to stay any longer, but Eren hadn’t wanted to go home. He was having too much fun dancing, laughing, and bouncing around the room like a complete social butterfly.

“You had a lot of energy tonight.” You joke as the two of you walk down the street.

Eren laughs. “I was excited.”

“Yeah, I could tell. I think you talked to everyone there, even Annie.”

He scoffs. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You normally try to avoid her after that time she threw you over her shoulder and kicked your ass.”

“No, no, no you’re remembering that wrong.”

“I am not!”

“Totally are. I kicked her ass, remember?”

“Okay,” you snicker, “just keep telling yourself that.”

It doesn’t take you long to reach the train station. Eren’s arm is still around your shoulder as you take a seat on one of the benches. The sign above the station indicates that your train should be there in five minutes, but you don’t really care how long it takes.

With a sigh, you lean against Eren’s chest and he secures his arm around you, rubbing your shoulder as he does it.

“Cold?” He asks.

“Nah.” You reply.

He pulls off his jacket and places it around you anyway.

“Now you’re gonna be cold, dumbass.” You mumble, tightening his jacket around you nonetheless.

Eren scoffs. “I’m too sexy to get cold.”

“So you’re saying I’m not sexy?”

“Eh.” He shrugs. “You’re alright.”

You playfully slap his chest but he grabs your hand before you can pull it away. “Hey.” He says seriously as he curls his fingers around yours.

“What?”

“I’m sorry.” He kisses the tips of your fingers. “For… For being weird earlier.” He kisses you again.

“...It’s okay.” You mumble.

“No, it’s not. I was being distant for no reason and it was probably really shitty for you.”

You curl your fingers around his and squeeze his hand as you look down into your lap. “It-… yeah it kinda sucked.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Eren reassures you.

“Then… what happened?”

He opens his mouth to say something, but just as quickly closes it again. “It’s-... It’s not something that's easy to talk about.”

He thinks about the promise he made to himself earlier. The promise to tell you one day. To tell you the entire story, not leaving out a single detail, starting the moment he woke up from a weird dream in Shiganshina and ending when Mikasa’s blade met his neck.

He needs time though.

Time to think about how to say it. To tell it. To put it in a way that he can convey how wrong he was in his last life and how much better he wants to be in this one.

Time.

One of the two major things he was missing in his first life.

Time and…

“It’s okay, Eren.” Your words cut through his thoughts. “Just tell me when you’re ready.”

The way you look at him, with so much trust in your eyes, makes Eren smile.

So he promises it to himself again. He promises that he’ll tell you, one day, after a little bit of time.

Eren reaches over to cup your cheek in his hands and pull you in for a kiss.

You sigh against his lips as your eyes slide closed and the comforting familiarity of his kiss makes everything in the world seem right.

It makes everything seem perfect, once again.

And you don’t want to change a single thing-

Crisp hospital sheets. The afternoon light against his bandaged face. Brightly coloured pills in a paper cup.

You freeze as Eren pulls away from the kiss.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“I snuck you an extra apple, don’t tell anyone or they’ll accuse me of picking favourites.”

“Hey,” he brushes his fingers across your forehead.

“Why would I skip out on the festival, it sounds like fun!”

“What’s going on?”

Fire. Rubble. Screaming.

He calls your name.

A grip. A squeeze. A pop.

“Can you hear me?”

The deafening sound of complete silence. Followed by the terrifying sight of pitch black.

Your eyes flutter open.

You don’t recognize where you are. You don’t recognize the sounds, or the smells, or the loud voice that comes from nowhere saying: “next train arriving, please stand behind the yellow line”.

But you do recognize something.

Someone.

And the sight of him, freshly shaved, hair cut and styled, free of bandages with no crutches to make up for a missing leg- it makes your heart flutter, just like it always did in that hospital room.

You smile, because what other reaction could you possibly have when you’re looking at the man you were forbidden to love, but loved so deeply despite it.

You say the only thing that makes sense, given the miracle before you:

“Are we in heaven, Mr. Kruger?”

Suddenly Eren knows exactly who you are.

Suddenly, he remembers why he’d tried so hard to forget.

“She’s distracting you, Eren,” Zeke said, his baseball on the bench between them. “She’s not,” was Eren’s only reply.

But now Eren knew he could never forget again. Not the longing. Not the guilt. Not the feeling of bones breaking, the smell of fresh blood, or the bursting of flesh between his fingers.

“Then kill her,” Zeke said casually like the words didn’t mean a single thing.

No. Eren would never forget again.

He’d never forget how it felt when he, the attack titan, crushed you in his hands and discarded your lifeless body against the battered streets of Liberio...

[THE END]

#eren x reader #eren yaeger x reader #eren jeager x reader #aot x reader #reverse isekai: i found you #my writing

135 notes · View notes

whateverisbeautiful · 2 months

Text

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#6: The Gone (1.01)

gif cred: @arabellas

After the meeting with Okafor, Pearl walks alongside Rick and says she’ll end him if he refers to them as 'we' again. And as their conversation continued, with some mistrust between them, this was a scene that let Lesley-Ann Brandt's talent shine. 👏🏽 Later, Pearl also drops some pivotal information when Rick learns that the secrets he's been trying to keep about himself and his family aren't so secret to Okafor😬...

So as they walk, Pearl stops and explains how she got here, giving some insight into her backstory and character. Then she says she knows why Rick’s done all the intense things he’s done like trying to escape and cutting off his hand. She says it’s the same reason she did what she did, declaring “There’s someone you love out there.” And ding ding ding. She’s right on the money. 👌🏽

I like how characters, without even knowing about Richonne, can tell that Rick’s in love - like Pearl saying there’s someone he loves in this moment and Negan in the season 7 finale telling Rick, "You just lost somebody important to you."

gif cred: @riickgrimes

When Pearl brings up the someone that Rick loves, Rick’s response is interesting as he looks away like he's thinking 'I don’t want to talk about this with anyone but the portraitist.'

Pearl says she’s accepted that she won’t ever see her person again because she knows her person doesn’t want her to die. It’s interesting because Michonne of course feels the same about not wanting Rick to do anything here that could lead him to die.

But I think Rick also knows the way Michonne believes they have to keep fighting the fight no matter the numbers or odds. So just as Pearl stopped trying to escape cuz her person would want that, Rick has to keep trying to fight and break free because Michonne would want that for him.

As the convo continues, Pearl says this is all she has left and the life she had before is all gone. Which RIP to your life before, Pearl, but Rick’s family is still out there so y’all are not the same. But Pearl thinks they are the same as she tells Rick, “This is all you have left too.”

gif cred: @msanonships

Then Pearl seems to get a little too personal when saying, “The person you are trying to get back to…” because Rick cuts her off quick and is playing no games in tone nor facial expression when he looks at Pearl and says “Hey, she’s not gone.”

I love that he says this with so much conviction, refusing to entertain anything else cuz they’re the ones who live.

gif cred: @msanonships

Rick believes in Michonne so much. He knows she’s a true survivor and that she’s still out there. Both Rick and Michonne can feel each other out there.

Then, more vulnerably but still with conviction Rick says, “They’re not gone.” It’s vulnerable because it’s letting Pearl know he’s missing his love and someone else too - his daughter. 🥺

gif cred: @nat111love

Then I love the writing and Lesley's delivery of Pearl saying “She isn’t. They aren’t. We are.” as Rick looks like he’s more freshly taking in that perspective.

It reminds me of Rick’s final TWD ep when Sasha tells him his family isn’t lost after he says he needs to find them. In some ways, his family is the one who needs to find him now cuz he’s the one who's gone. But I don’t think Rick considered a scenario where they’d be looking for him like he’s looking to get back to them.

Rick had found solace in telling himself his family is still out there and they’re not gone but in this moment he’s hit with the fact that to his family he is gone. His family can’t say with as much conviction ‘he’s not gone’ cuz they genuinely don’t know. And that’s gotta be painful for Rick to have to think about this from the lens that he’s likely just gone to them.

gif cred: @nat111love

Even tho fortunately he’ll learn that his wife, daughter, and even the son he didn’t know he had were still believing he wasn’t gone forever. And while he was gone for years, he was never forgotten by them.

Also, the word 'gone' is interesting because it can also be like a figurative 'gone.' In losing every connection that made him who he is, old Rick is gone in a sense.

And so to stop being gone to his family, Rick hatches a plan for escape number 5, and this time he wants to make the CRM think he’s gone…onto glory.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Rick jogs and tells Michonne more about the CRM alliance. He says, “The world is so much bigger than we knew, Michonne. So much better and so much worse.” And I love that he’s still finding ways to go through this expanding world with her.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Also, this is the first time we get to hear Rick say her name within these letters, and Rick saying ‘Michonne’ is always music to my ears. 🥰

gif cred: @nerd4music

As his world expands, it's interesting because he’s acknowledging that the world is bigger, better, and worse and yet it still mostly feels like a confined and suffocating place for him because he’s not with her.

gif cred: @nerd4music

Beale joins Rick on the bench and Rick quickly salutes him, playing the part of a fully conformed soldier. Beale reveals Okafor bombed 4,000 marines at Lincoln Field and how he switched sides. Rick says he did too in a way. Beale basically says that they probably would have just killed Rick but Okafor made a compelling argument on his behalf.

In their convo, Beale looks into Rick's eyes and asks if Okafor is up to something and he and Rick say no at the same time. Rick then repeats no. Beale also asks how Rick survived and he says sacrifice. Rick on a larger scale and a more literal scale really did survive by sacrifice. When he sacrificed himself on that bridge it led him to wash ashore near Jadis and get the medical care he needed, so sacrifice really is why he's alive.

Beale acknowledges how Rick tried to escape four times and asks if he’s here now because he wants to kill or die or try to escape again. I like Rick looking at Beale and saying “Look in my eyes, sir. You tell me.”

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Beale looks in his eyes and seems satisfied for the moment so he says he’s just gonna sit here and enjoy the view with Rick. And Rick sorta looks bummed because his bench time is where he gets to just have some alone time and more than likely daydream about Michonne in pretty outfits. 😋

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Rick’s letter continues and he tells Michonne how everything was about secrets in this place but all he cared about was holding onto his secrets. Those secrets entailing where he’s from and who he’s lost. And again I like how Rick is telling Michonne all the CRM’s secrets. 😊

So as Rick maps out his fifth escape plan looking fine as can be in different black fits - and yes I’m going to make note of that often 😋 - we see him putting the plan together interspersed with playing poker with Pearl and winning. He’s so determined and I love to see it.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Then Rick pays a visit to Esteban at an idyllic park. Seeing the park makes me think this is part of why one of Rick’s alternate universes with Michonne is them falling in love at a park. I also noticed there’s people with signs that say ‘CRM transparency now’ planting the seed that people are already itching to see a change in the CRM.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Rick and Esteban hug and have a friendly moment before sitting down so that Rick can ask for his insider info to help with his escape. Rick says he needs Esteban to tell him where a certain tunnel leads and Esteban is hesitant but Rick earnestly says “I have to keep trying. I’m getting there. I’m getting home.” And the way he says that just hits my heart. He’s still so adamant to not give up on being back with his family.

And then my heart breaks to hear Rick say “Or I’m dying. That’s it.” For Rick, there’s no option to live without them so he either breaks free or literally dies trying. If he can't gain his family back he's willing to lose his life. 😢

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Esteban says he can’t tell him anything but still finds a way to tell Rick everything he needs to know by telling him what he specifically can’t tell him and I really love seeing Rick’s small smile when he realizes Esteban is helping him. There’s a moment where he has this tiny little smile that reminds me so much of RJ. It’s the cutest.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Like Rick Grimes Jr. really is Rick's mini-me. 😭

Esteban says another thing he’d tell Rick is that he gets why he’s doing what he’s doing as he seemingly looks back at the girl he’s met within the Civic Republic. Esteban gets that when you find someone you love, you can’t just let them go.

I really appreciate Esteban telling Rick he doesn’t have to die and then adamantly urging him not to die. And Rick smiles again feeling like he’s now closer than ever to getting home. It was nice to see Rick have a friend and get a win.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

So then Rick continues finalizing his plan and that moment when he puts on all his gear and dog tags in the mirror…fine all the time, what can I say. ❤️‍🔥

Rick lays out the plan to Michonne of how he aimed to fake his death with a walker body. He says, “There’s no escape for the living. So I had to make sure they thought I was dead.”

Then during an outing with the CRM, Rick comes so close to (hotly) escaping but a walker approaches and he has to take multiple out before seeing a little screaming girl. Rick is ticked that this has all put a wrench in his plan, but he knows he has to save the little girl.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

So he runs to take out the walkers, even tho I notice he does have a small moment of debating whether to just continue with his plan. But of course, he’s a good man so he helps the girl. I did observe he’s not as parental as he normally is with little kids like Judith, Sophia, etc., and it just reminds me he’s had to be so far removed from that dad side of himself.

When he struggles to take down a walker, Pearl takes care of the rest and says she saw the whole thing. The little girl says Rick killed her mommy and Pearl assures that Rick is a good man and they’re from a good place. Pearl says they’re all going to go back but you can just see in Rick’s watery eyes how much he is itching to follow through with his escape plan. He’s so close.

gif cred: @rcsitastark

He reminds Pearl that she said to ask for help and so now he’s asking for her help in letting him just slip away and get out of here. But Pearl firmly says “I am helping you. He would have found you and whoever you’re running to. He knows about you Grimes.”

I like the suspense in the way that’s worded as Rick is hit with the gut punch that while he thought he’d been holding onto his secrets, Okafor actually knows about the most important people to him.

gif cred: @clonecaptains

Rick's expression makes it clear this is news he feels he has to deal with urgently. Pearl says come on and Rick grabs his helmet with a scowl as he knows he can’t leave just yet because he needs to know exactly what Okafor knows. He also needs Okafor to know exactly who he’s dealing with.

And y’all, this next excellently acted moment is where Okafor more officially gets to meet the famous Rick Grimes - the man, the myth, the legend, and most of all the fiercely protective husband and father. 😌👌🏽

#richonne #towl #reveling in richonne #1.01 #RIR (6)#the ones who live #twd towl #michonne grimes #rick grimes #rick x michonne #twol #michonne #rick and michonne #twd: the ones who live #twd #richonnefandom

82 notes · View notes

dollcherray · 5 months

Note

Apologies for tumblr being hungry and eating requests </3 ! Just resending mine! I wanna ask for Yandere!Miss Sasha hc’s please ! but if I may specify, with a reader who’s a very shy and timid teacher

୨୧ SHAPE OF U ✮⋆˙

Yandere miss sasha x shy and timid reader

A/N: Miss sasha is such a cutie! same scenario: you are a teacher in this, Now all I need is Miss Circle to complete the list of characters I want to write about (def not a cry for someone to request about yandere Miss Circle).

TW:Yandere topics, gaslighting, delusion, does someone make shrines of you counts as a trigger? remember: Yanderes are not hot, they can be extremely dangerous always stay away from individuals like this.

Type: Angst/fluff, romantic, HCS

୨୧ right off the bat: Sasha finds you adorable!! she likes how u can get flustered so easily, thats one of the main characteristics she likes about you, so obviously she will comment how adorable you are in her eyes.

୨୧ she would NOT be happy if someone made fun of how you act, she wouldnt hurt that person, but would make their school life hell at least in her subject, no one will make fun of you, not in her watch.

୨୧ Of course, as a yandere, she uses your timid nature to her advantage, but not in a nitid way to not risk you actually catching up on her unhealthy obsession crush towards you, she would be embarrassed to bits if you found out that she has a silly crush on you.

୨୧ She draws you at any chance she gets, some she gives you as a gift, others she keeps to herself... she probably has a shrine of arts and doodles of you that she drew, she probably featured herself in 50% of these drawings.

୨୧ she would make poetic love letters who would always compliment you or your work as a teacher, you bet that the letters has lots of drawings of you in chibi version in the corners and lots of hearts drawed in it.

୨୧ She would definitely call you a "work of art" and that you could be easily sculptured in a statue, all that cheesy art things, also, she would probably use that van gogh pick lines like "i love you like van gogh loved the stars" (was it van gogh? idfk)

୨୧ Sasha is obsessive, manipulative, delusional, harmless (in a "kill someone" way) and a very smart type of yandere, she would probably one of the less dangerous yanderes to have in the school, if someone tried to take you away from her, she would only manipulate you to get away from the person by inventing lies about them or maybe setting up a false situation that proves her false point.

୨୧ I think Sasha would be delusional because she wouldnt see that what she is doing is unhealthy and possibly harmful for the darling's mental health, she genuinely thinks she is just experiencing love.

୨୧ Sasha would probably be very dumb founded if you finally letted go from your shy manner and tried to leave her, she thought she was doing everything right, what do you mean she was gaslighting you into staying away from everyone you met? she was only protecting you!

୨୧ Sasha would beg for you not to leave her, i mean, you made her feel more alive than art did! you were her everything! she wont know what to do if you leave her, she might lose her sparkle and she doesnt want that, so please, please stay with her.

୨୧ "Come on darling... your not going to actually leave me.. right?"

#miss sasha #fpe miss sasha #x reader #fundamental paper education x reader #fundamental paper education #Yandere miss sasha #fpe yandere #yandere headcanons #light angst #romantic #headcanons #୨୧ cherry works

105 notes · View notes

mountsmason · 2 years

Text

Conflicting Emotions; Part 1

summary: it was the world cup quarter-finals, with your national team England playing against France. so it was less than ideal to have a French boyfriend, as it would leave one of you completely dejected.

pairing: any French player x reader, slightly mason mount x reader

a/n: needed some angst in my life so I wrote this :))

The final whistle blew, signalling the match was over. A sudden heaviness overcame your body as you inhaled a shallow breath.

England lost the quarter-finals against France.

The atmosphere divided into two, with half the stadium erupting in sheer euphoria while the other half fell silent. Utter devastation spread amongst England supporters, as this was the outcome we were all dreading. You heard your heart shatter at the sight of your national team collapsing on the ground in anguish, trying to console themselves after having lost their chance at winning the World Cup.

You truly believed the England team gave it everything, so you were inexplicably proud of what they had achieved. All you wanted to do in that moment was hug each of them and reassure them that they played incredibly well with so much determination and passion. You glanced around the stadium, your eyes landing on your ex-boyfriend Mason, who had his face buried in his hands as the French team celebrated behind him.

Seeing Mason vulnerable like that reluctantly revived the memories of the Euros final— the same pain and heartbreak. You remember how Mason was inconsolable for days after the loss, taking a while to come to terms with how close they were to winning the final, but you were there to constantly reassure him. Despite it being a difficult time, Mason made sure you knew how much he appreciated you being there for him. A few months later, you two mutually agreed to break up and still remain good friends.

In an attempt to drown out the noise and memories, you squeezed your eyes shut while a stream of uncontrollable tears rolled down your face. Everyone’s hopes and dreams for England winning this year’s World Cup ended the second the whistle was blown. The noise didn't seem to quiet down, so you lifted your heavy eyelids, to see the French players sprinting chaotically around the pitch in a frenzy of celebration while the England players were consoling each other.

Your gaze drifted between different players, and that’s when you saw him. Your boyfriend had that perfect, irresistible grin tugging at his lips as he embraced his team; a sense of guilt washed over you. He is through to the semi-finals, so as his girlfriend, you should be ecstatic for him, yet here you are completely heartbroken at the result. Dare you say, you feel a slight resentment toward his national team. It's not fair on him, and you're well aware of it. He’s worked equally as hard as the England team to get to this stage, so you should be proud of him.

At that sudden realisation, you wiped away your tears with your sleeves before he noticed you. But it was already too late; he had seen your tear-stained cheeks, and his smile immediately faded from his face as his expression softened with worry. Under your breath, you muttered “shit,” knowing that you had ruined this moment for him.

Giving him a small smile, you pointed in the direction of the French team, telling him to enjoy himself and celebrate. He didn’t move. His gaze remained fixed on you as his brows furrowed, trying to study your expression. You gave him a more genuine smile and mouthed “go,” tilting your head towards where his team was. He slowly shuffled backwards in uncertainty, a small laugh escaping you, as he was still staring at you to see if you really were okay with it. And you were; at the end of the day, you loved to see him succeed, even if that meant winning against your own team.

The England players didn’t waste any more time on the pitch as they came into the stands, where their families and friends were waiting for them. You were also sitting here with Sasha, as you became close friends with her when you were dating Mason. While you were talking about the match with her, you saw some players trying to put on a brave face as they managed a faltering smile before completely breaking down when being comforted by their family and friends.

Mason dragged his feet up the stairs to meet his family, who were seated in the row in front of you. For a split second, your eyes met his red and puffy ones, and you knew he was in a worse state now compared to the Euros final. You watched him melt into his mum’s arms as she hugged him tightly, while his family members all took turns reassuring him and reminding him that he's done the nation proud, regardless of the result. Shortly after, Jack made his way upstairs, instantly looking for comfort in Sasha’s arms.

Mason stood on the stairs when he was finished talking to his family. He was covering his face with one hand, and rubbing his eyes while his back rested on the handrail. You took this opportunity to talk to him.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” You spoke gently with a reassuring smile as Mason moved his hand away from his face.

“Not too bad,” he mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

“Really Mason? You’re forgetting I can tell when you’re lying,” you tilt your head in the direction he was staring, trying to get him to look at you.

“I’m okay,” his voice was frail and quiet as he continued to avoid your gaze. Mason’s eyes were glossy as he fought back tears, his bottom lip trembling ever so slightly.

"Just come here," you reach up to wrap your arms around the back of Mason's neck, pulling him in for a hug. That’s when he gave up his pretence of being fine, as he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around your waist to hold you close. He buried his head in your shoulder, letting out a muffled sob that only you could have heard. The sound of Mason breaking down was enough to flood your eyes with tears, so you had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from turning into a sobbing mess.

As your attention was fixed on Mason, you didn't notice your boyfriend watching the two of you. He was aware of your history, and because of that, he didn't know how to feel. From one perspective, he understands how a huge loss can be so devastating, so Mason will need everyone there for him, even if that includes you. But on the other hand, he can't help but feel a little jealous considering Mason was your first love and everyone knows you don’t forget them. So he was torn in that moment, the same way you were about England losing and France winning. But before his mind can conjure up the worst, his friend drags him back into the group celebration.

“You did great, all of you; you should be so proud of yourself,” Mason simply hummed in response, taking in rapid and shallow breaths as you felt your shirt dampen with his tears.

"You've given us so many amazing memories to look back on in the future. It wasn't meant to be this time, but there's another World Cup just around the corner," you reassured him, not knowing whether your words would make a difference to how Mason is feeling right now.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, because you've done us proud, you've done me proud," you felt Mason's breathing become more even against your skin.

The two of you stayed like that, with no-one interrupting you. Mason had forgotten how safe he felt in your arms, the way it silenced everything around him, and suddenly everything became more bearable. A few minutes passed before Mason lifted his head to look you in the eyes.

"How do you do it?" Mason asked, searching your eyes for the answer.

"Do what?" Your voice was barely a whisper as you brushed away the tears from his face.

"You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better,"

“It’s not difficult when I’m being honest,” you shrugged your shoulders, giving him a smile he found impossible not to return.

"Thank you, it means a lot to me that you are here," you pulled away from the hug as his grip on your waist loosened.

“You don’t have to thank me; I’m just doing what any good friend would do,” you replied, as your gaze wandered around the stadium, watching some fans begin to leave. Mason winced at this; for those few minutes, he forgot that you two were not together anymore.

"Yeah, friends," his voice was monotonous as he looks onto pitch to see your boyfriend still celebrating. You were about to say goodbye, but Mason had something else on his mind.

"Why are you with him?" His question caught you off-guard, an icy contempt flashing in his eyes.

"Mason—" you began before being interrupted.

"No, seriously, why are you actually with him? Do you guys even have anything in common? Surely you can do better than that," he narrowed his darkened eyes as they burned into the back of your boyfriend’s head in envy.

"That is my boyfriend you're talking about, and you don't know the first thing about our relationship. I’ll let your comments slide just this once because I know your emotions are running high, but next time I won't hold back," you scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief as you grabbed your handbag and explained to Sasha that you would call her later.

"Y/N, I'm sorry!" Mason called out as you walked up the stairs and out of the stadium.

➪ read part two here

#mason mount #mason mount x reader #mason mount imagine #mason mount oneshot #mason mount fanfic #mason mount fic #england nt #footballer imagine #france nt #mountsmasonfics #antoine griezmann imagine #antoine griezmann x reader #antoine griezmann

1K notes · View notes

clanwarrior-tumbly · 1 year

Note

Can you do Barbie x female!reader where Barbie returns to the real world and falls head over heels for the reader and vice versa?

-Greek myth anon 📜

You first met Barbie for a short time when she's crying outside the school, feeling hurt and anxious for the first time in her life.

You didn't initially know who she was, assuming she was going through a rough breakup.

But while her eccentric pink cowgirl outfit threw you off for a moment, you didn't wanna just leave her alone. You'd feel bad for the rest of the day.

So as a women concerned for a fellow women, you approached her.

"Hey, um..are you alright-?"

"No!" She bawls. "Is this what the Real World's supposed to be like?? Where girls hate you and men objectify you?? None of this makes any sense!! Ever since I got here I started having all these weird emotions and I feel all mushy and....oh no....that's exactly what Weird Barbie warned me about!!"

"Girl, that's all part of the universal.....wait, did you say Barbie?" You blinked.

"Y-Yes..I'm Barbie. Stereotypical Barbie, actually." She sniffles, confused when you sit beside her and offer a tissue/handkerchief. "O-Oh..thank you so much...?"

"[Y/n]." You say as she dries her tears. "You know I used to love those dolls growing up. They've entertained me for hours as a little girl. So...I guess I should thank you for giving me a good childhood, assuming you really are a Barbie."

That's genuinely the nicest thing any human's said to her so far, and you give her a hug to express your support and comfort.

She cries again, but she's happy this time (much to her confusion), and you tell her that humans cry for all kinds of reasons..so it's nothing she should be too worried about.

Sadly the sweet moment doesn't last long as she's whisked away to Mattel in a black SUV, although you hold onto hope that you'll see her again.

And you eventually do in a place you least expected to find her: the gynecologist.

Barbie--now taking on the human name "Barbra"--explains how she left her "dollness" behind, being reasonably nervous, but you reassure her this is a great first step towards embracing both her humanity and womanhood.

After your appointments, you hang out together and exchange phone numbers, keeping in touch and texting back-and-forth.

You end up going on shopping trips together, getting coffee/pastries, getting your nails done, going to small concerts, etc. Just fun little things humans (and women) typically do.

If anyone tries harassing you, you're each other's best defenders.

Barbie's quick to fall head over heels for you now that she truly got to know and spend time with you.

You're funny, kind, protective...and the first person to ever ask if she was okay when she visited the Real World.

When she's not with you, she's gushing over you to Gloria and Sasha (who had to be the ones to tell her that she's in love).

Likewise, you were in love with her too, getting warm and fuzzy feelings just from looking into her eyes and seeing her smiles and radiant optimism.

Eventually you both confessed (at the exact same time), and while it's a little awkward, you're finally a couple and end up moving in together.

You love listen to her ramble about the next exciting thing she just learned about human culture (esp the technology).

"So you're saying this is Alexa and she knows everything????" Barbie points to the device in your kitchen. "And she can play any song???"

"Pretty much, yeah." You chuckle, smiling as she asks Alexa to play "Ain't It Fun" by Paramore.

She starts dancing, and you join in, singing along to the lyrics.

Indeed, she finds it fun living in the Real World with you <3

#clanask #greek myth anon #barbie x reader #barbie movie x reader #margot robbie barbie #female reader #barbie spoilers #headcanons

303 notes · View notes

hotcheetogirlluver · 2 months

Note

can you please do one where reader can be stoic and emotionless like she's a tsundere (she's hard and rough on the outside but once you get to know her her sweeter bubbly side shows later on) and Levi has the fastest crush on her. her trauma she went through when she was younger makes her oblivious to when people genuinely have a crush on her because she oversees that. she shows her soft side as she befriends him and him being nervous around her hurts her feelings really badly. she just breaks and returns to being expressionless, rough, and quiet. Levi starts to feel guilty when she doesn't smile at him anymore or when she ignores him and doesn't speak to him. her friends are pretty worried blah, blah, blah. finally he apologizes after weeks of not speaking but she's fighting it because of her insecurities and trauma. LOTS OF ANGST I BEG YOU 😭😭😭!! and ofc fluff at the end 🤧🥺💗 (sorry it's super long have a beautiful day and I hope you can make this!)

A/N: ofc!!! i love this idea POOKS! Im a sucker for angst too honestly 😭😭. but I will gladly do this story and just a warning it is very long. ENJOY, THOUGH!!💓

Summary: Levi has a huge crush on (Y/n). She's completely oblivious, and sees his 'flirting' as cruelly bullying her. One day she's in his office casually talking to him and since he gets awkward with her because of the fat crush he has, he hurts her feelings in a way no one has ever hurt her.

WARNINGS ⚠️ : swear words, talks of disorders, talks of molestation and uses word rape

s/t: skin tone

h/c: hair color

y/n: your name

e/c: eye color

-!!ANGST!! FLUFF!!-

__________________________________________________________

Levi looked over at (Y/n). She was speaking with some cadets, giving them tips on fighting and dueling and such. Dressed in her usual black cloak with a hood over her head.

His usual stoic face looking over his shoulder to stare at her. If only she didn't wear that stupid cloak every single day and maybe it would be easier to catch a glance at her face.

The cadets looked like they respected her.. Listening in closely and trying to focus on every single word she was saying to them.

“Captain Levi?” A male voice made him turn around and stare the person down who just caught his attention.

“What is it?” His voice dripping in slight annoyance made Eren sweat nervously.

“You looked sort of a trance there! Just making sure you're still alive, sir!” Levi's glare only hardened and Eren slowly stepped away from him.

“Go spar with Armin. You both need the practice. You must be bored if you came over here just to bother me.” Eren nodded rapidly.

“Right away, Captain!” He took off and Levi looked back at (Y/n).

“You're doing it completely wrong, cadet. Straighten your stance as if you're prepared to fight someone right now.” She was way more sweeter than he was. Recently she's started to show her soft side and it always sent a warm shot through his heart.

Of course he would never show it, his usual unimpressed mask on at all times. He watched as Sasha corrected her fighting stance.

“Like this (Y/n)?” (Y/n) nodded with a cute smile and sent her a thumbs up.

“Way better!” She praised with a small clapping of her hands.

“Can we eat now?! I’m dying to eat I haven't eaten in like 30 minutes! When's the next break?? I'm literally starving to death-” A strong kick was directed to Sasha’s stomach, sending her to the ground roughly.

“OW-” Sasha rubbed her stomach in pain. “You have no concept of the idea of starvation, cadet.” (Y/n) set her hands on her hips.

“Let alone starving to death.”

Levi couldn't help but just watch the scene unfolding in front of him.

… Well that took a different turn. His stoic face, trying to contain the curiosity flowing through his veins at the moment.

… Why the sudden change of attitude? She was sweet and turned bitter in a second's notice. His head tilted upward a bit. His bangs almost hitting his eyes, barely brushing against his eyelashes.

“10 laps, Sasha.”

“B-But Captain!-”

“20 laps.” Sasha groaned internally and got up as (Y/n) eyed her.

“You'd think a lady that small would be more laid back.” Eren muttered watching from afar as well behind Levi.

“Well weight doesn't necessarily matter in the Survey Corps, Eren. It's mainly all about the soldier's intelligence and strength. Just look at you and me. Plus, usually the smaller ones are more aggressive.”

Levi's eyes immediately looked to the side, and his body turned to look at Eren and Armin.

“You two! Go join cadet Sasha on her 20 lap jog.” The two boys looked at each other with shocked facial expressions and Eren sighed heavily.

“If I were you Eren, I'd save my breath for the laps. And word of advice, try not to whisper so loud next time you're talking about someone important.”

“WHAT?! Someone important? Captain Levi, it's all so clear now! You have a big crush on Captain-”

“30 laps.” Levi turned away from Eren and Armin, as the pink flush was beginning to settle on his pale cheeks.

His hard gaze was set on her once again as he turned. Eren shook his head annoyed but still was too intimidated by Levi to not jog the 30 laps.

“The smaller ones really are the most aggressive-”

“Eren stop talking!” Armin cut him off as they began jogging to the field.

(Y/n) wiped some sweat from her forehead.

‘Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to lose the black cloak.’ She began to slip it over her head and threw it on the grass. Levi kept his face as emotionless as he could with the sight in front of him.

She shook her head around a bit trying to let her scalp breath. Her hair was really thin/thick, short/long, wavy/curly/straight. Her skin a s/t, really glowing in the sunlight. Her hair a beautiful h/c. And then there was her eyes..

Shit.

Her eyes were fucking gorgeous.

The color red set on the tips of Levi's ears, watching her being so effortlessly beautiful. He tried pushing the new fluttering feeling he felt to the very bottom pit of his stomach.

Her eyes were big e/c eyes, with dark eyelashes. Long eyelashes.

Fuck.. he's simping.

That's disgusting and shameful. He tried to snap out of it. But..

Suddenly she turned her gaze to him. A small smile on her lips.(Y/n) walked over to him, her heeled boots, she always wore giving her the smallest bit of height.

“Levi!” Her hands were behind her back as she gave him a wider, sweeter smile. Oh no.. was she walking towards him? At least give him some time to think about what he should say?!

“I haven't seen you in a while it's felt like! I've been busy with those stupid non-stop expeditions though. I feel like I would see you more often if you come out of your office more. Not like once every blue moon,” Her head tilted to the side wearing a bright smile on her face. Which was rare.

“Y’know?” She's right. Levi’s been in his office doing paperwork and signing and reading information from all sorts of documents. It's energy draining going through paper after paper and still never meeting an end.

Sometimes very rarely when he would actually leave his office and would see her walking in the castle halls it made his day a tad more bearable to deal with.

But to him it was somewhat a good thing being locked in his office day and night. Recently he's noticed he's starting to hold feelings towards the h/c. Deep feelings. To the point where he gets awkward and nervous fast if she's even around him.

He's been practicing on handling that calmly and coolly though.

“Y-Yeah. Haven't seen you in a while either.”

…… Wow. Just wow Ackerman.

… He wished he could stab himself with the swords he uses to kill Titans with. Seriously Ackerman?! That was painful. Embarrassing. You should walk away now. And leaving this world and existence would probably be for the better too.

(Y/n) scanned Levi's face intensely as his eyes avoided hers.

“Levi, are you okay?” She put a hand on her chin and the other hand set on her hip as she leaned to the side to meet his eyes.

“Fine.” He responded dryly.

Hm.. What's going on with him? He looks.. nervous? Levi? Nervous? Maybe she was getting this wrong. She was terrible at reading people. She always was.

“You took off your cloak.” Levi suddenly said with an awkward cough, and looked at her hair. (Y/n) pushed some hair behind her ear and nodded with a smile. Those rare smiles made Levi’s heart beat against his ribs.

“About time right? It's been so cruelly hot outside these past couple days.” She waved a hand in front of her face jokingly.

“Y-Your hair..”

“My hair?”

“It's not as shitty as I thought it'd look.” Levi said non chanantly.

“Oh.”

“Do you even brush your hair though? It looks messy as hell. Don't have enough time on your hands to brush your hair or something?"

… Ouch. A knife sliced her heart and she just blinked before laughing small, quiet and uncomfortably. Well that definitely stung.

“Well, actually I brush my hair each morning and night before I fall asleep. It's a daily routine I don't intend to skip out on at all.” (Y/n) ran a hand through her hair consciously with an awkward smile on her face replacing the bright one from earlier.

“Is that so?” He replied unamused.

“Mhm!” She nodded her head before turning her head to the side with a light pink tint color covering her cheeks in embarrassment.

“Anyways Captain! I'm going to head back to my office. It.. It was nice seeing you! Mind telling Sasha she’s allowed to take a break when she’s finished with her 20 laps?” (Y/n) turned around not letting Levi respond and walked over to her cloak on the ground throwing it over her head before leaving the training grounds.

His once fast heartbeat slowed down to the normal speed. ‘What the fuck, idiot.’ He told himself. Why did he say that? Why did he say that??

“ ‘It's not as shitty as I thought it'd look.’ ” He mocked himself in a harsh whisper.

“You idiot, why in the world would you say that to her? You made her uncomfortable you fucking dumbass. That's why she was in such a hurry to leave you.” Levi tried to forget about the encounter with (Y/n) he just had, feeling tormented with guilt enough as it is.

‘Just stop being so nervous around her Levi.’ He ran a hand through his under shave.

_________________________________________________________

Meanwhile (Y/n) pulled the cloak's hood closer to her head as she tried to calm her racing heart and her heavy breathing.

Levi thinks her hair is messy.

And he thinks she doesn't brush it? Does he see it as disgusting? Looked like it.

(Y/n) stared at the stone floors as her heeled boots clicked against them. Which means everyone who was at the training grounds earlier saw her hair as disgusting too then.

She closed her eyes for a second and shook her head. Get it together (Y/n). It's fine.

… But what if it isn't? This reminded her of back then..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two grown men held onto (Y/n) wrists on either side of her pretty tightly. It felt like they were cutting her circulation off. She was 6 years old at the time.

Her mother sold her to some sketchy group from the Underground to get some money and to keep her house. (Y/n) had several bruises on her arms and face.

Those cruel bastards. She looked up at the tall man in front of her, with wide eyes.

“This rats nest of hair you got here is fucking gross. It looks like shit. You need to become extra beautiful, gorgeous.” He smirked with a sinister look in his eyes.

He held out a knife and suddenly just cut off half her hair. Her eyes widened more.

W-What? Why did he do that? Why did her mom even sell her to these men? They've hurt her, said horrible things to her, and now this? What's going on?? What are they going to do to her? She trembled in fear, heart about to leap out of her chest as she watched her long locks of hair fall to the dirty ground.

“Perfect, gorgeous.” The man brushed his hand through her hair with that creepy smirk still on his face. Then he nodded at both of the men who were holding her wrists tightly.

“W-Wait! Sir! What are you going to do to me?” He only darkly chuckled and waved a hand to a room.

“You’ll see in a second.” He kicked his lips and tilted the hat he was wearing down some more. The two men at her sides started dragging her to the room.

“W-Wait! Stop! P-Please, let me go! Stop i-it!” (Y/n) kicked her feet and struggled against the tight grip they had on her.

“Sir!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Y/n) stared down at her hands. She tried to shake away the memories she just thought of. Truth is.. She wasn't ever raped in the Underground. But… She was molested. And it definitely wasn't just once.

Those disgusting men down there.. Made some part of her life hell. A huge part of her life hell.

Those memories never leave you.

They stick with you.

And (Y/n) still got shivers thinking about it.

‘It's different.’ She told herself. It was the main reason she was insecure, about everything. All of those people from that sketchy group all those years ago.. They caused her pain and misery.

Trauma.

Why does she always wear a cloak? To cover her body from society's eyes. Feeling like she’s fat half the time and feeling like people don't like the sight of fat women. Resulting in not eating for weeks sometimes. Why does she wear a hood? To cover her face and hair. Her hair being “messy” and her face not complimenting her body.

Her hair always made her question her looks. But then again she always questioned her looks. Because of them. Like.. Why does everybody stare at her that way? Why are they looking at her? What's wrong with her?

She clenched her shirt near her heart.

Of course Levi doesn't like her. How could he? He's Humanities Strongest. (Y/n) thought she and Levi were getting close. And then all of a sudden he can't even look her in the eye and he seems more.. nervous around her. But like she said earlier, that word doesn't quite fit him.

They were both distant.

She wasn't going to lie though, at first it was hard to become friends with him. Or anybody really. She’s really antisocial and she too has a stoic, expressionless, mask on at all times. That's how she is with people she doesn't know. And when she didn't have friends.

She didn't mind though. That's how it had been her whole life. She's probably only had 1 friend from her younger years. She can't remember clearly though. When she first joined the Survey Corps no one would talk to her. She understood somewhat though. She did look a little sketchy wearing her black cloak everyday with a literal impassive look on her face all the time.

Made matters worse when she refused to remove her hood.

But when Hange Zoë sat with her one day in the mess hall, (while she stared at her food plainly not planning on eating it) and invited her to sit at their table she stared blankly at her for the longest minute (making Hange sweat drop) but accepted.

But she thought her and Levi were getting close. The awkward short talks turned to long conversations about small things. Both of their emotionless faces, cracked a smile or two when around each other.

She even discovered that way, her crush on him.

(Y/n) enjoyed his presence. She thought he was a good leader, really independent and honestly.. funny.

Maybe it's one sided love though.

Maybe she's just blinded by her stupid crush on him.

Recently he's been really.. mean towards her. He's been insulting her every time she sees him. And it's sort of been a good thing she hasn't seen him in weeks because he's been trapped in his office doing mile high paperwork.

It hurts her heart every time he says something harsh to her. She never says anything back though. But next time maybe she will. He's been hurting her self esteem and bringing back unfondly memories she would rather not think about. She has to stand up to him for once.

Usually she is really blunt. And really, really honest. But with Levi and her friends her soft side is brought out. (Y/n) nodded mentally, realizing her heartbeat slowed down and her heavy breathing calmed down.

She took one last deep breath, before walking to her office for the afternoon. She, too, needs to finish paperwork.

________________________________________________________

Levi sat at his desk. His eyes scanned the writing on the documents he was reading. He was a fast reader.

But he hated every time he would read through essays of information for the Survey Corps, because most of the time it reminded him of the Underground.

Where he didn't even know how to read until later on in his life.

He rubbed a hand on his forehead. Why was he thinking about that now?

He has work to do. It's better if he just finished it all sooner than later.

In Levi’s office it was silent.

His office was a very serene room. He preferred it that way though. It helped him focus more, and if it was placed next to a loud room he would probably kill the neighbor right next to him. He sighed, feeling the smallest amount of loneliness for the past few weeks. Sometimes it was somewhat depressing being so isolated. And feeling so isolated too.

He shook his head.Focus Levi. You're getting off topic.

When he was about to start reading again he heard 2 knocks on his door. He straightened himself out, organized the papers as quickly as he could, and calmed his facial features down.

“State your name and business.” He called.

“It's (Y/n). Mind if I come in, Levi?” Levi’s eyes widened ever so slightly as his pulse skyrocketed.

‘Calm down Levi. Act natural.’

“C-Come in.” He cursed himself as soon as the stutter left his lips.

‘Stop acting so nervous! Your Humanity's Strongest, this is embarrassing.’ (Y/n) brushed off Levi’s stutter, and opened his office door as she walked in with a plate of food.

“What do you need, Captain (Y/n)?”

The awkwardness soon left her features when she heard that. A laugh escaped her lips, as she continued to walk towards him.

“Why are you acting so formal all of a sudden Levi? You know we’ve talked before like friends, not colleagues, right?” She let out a small giggle and a charming smile as she set the plate down on his desk.

“Oh, r-right. Of course.” His cheeks quickly were dusted with a warm pale pink as he coughed an awkward cough to cover up his second noticeable stutter.

“What is this?” He asked unexpressively. He looked down at the plate of food.

“What? Never seen a plate of food before or something? Or has it really been that long since you’ve eaten, Levi?” She sat down in the chair in front of him with a soft sigh.

“I mean come on isn't it obvious?” ‘Isn't it obvious I'm a bit worried for you, you cruel jerk?’ She played with the ends of her cloak in her hands.

Levi knew what a plate of food was. He just hadn't eaten the whole day. He trained the cadets in the morning, and in the afternoon he was locked in his office again. And now it's dinner.. and he's still in his office.

“I haven't seen you eat the whole day. I'm..” Blood traveled to her face as her cheeks began to flush.

“You need to eat Levi. Taking a small break from all this pile of work isn't going to hurt you.” (Y/n) smiled gently and Levi could feel his stomach doing backflips. Or.. it could just be the hunger taking its toll on him.

He felt incredibly grateful he even had someone like (Y/n) in his life. Why did she care for him? Why was she so bubbly towards him? Why did she let her mask fall, after only a couple of conversations in his office?

He never knew how to talk to women correctly though. He didn't know the ‘correct’ way. Did he ever thank them appropriately? He thought he did.

Thing is, he never knows when he truly fucks up.

“Funny thing you're telling me to eat Captain (Y/n), when you don't even eat for weeks yourself.”

“... What?” Her heart dropped.

Another stab to her wounded heart. Her walls were down and everything and he just attacked so easily? She was feeling vulnerable with him and thought this one time there would be no hurtful words directed at her.

… Guess she was wrong.

“I think it's amusing that you're telling me to eat when you don't know how to do that yourself.” Levi rested his elbows on his desk, connecting his hands.

Suddenly a burning flame crawled up her neck as her cheeks burned with embarrassment. Snap out of it, idiot.

“Really, Levi?” She narrowed her eyes, as the humiliation settled in and made her want to sink. Even if it was just the two of them in the office she couldn't help but feel humiliated.

“You don't eat for weeks sometimes. That must be another reason you wear that cloak.” He muttered and eyed her fit. Her eyes widened, and she felt her heart quicken its beat.

What the actual hell?

“You asshole,” (Y/n) whispered harshly.

Levi’s first instinct was to retort back but seeing her fists clenched made him slightly confused. Is she upset?

“Why would you care, if you hate me so much?”

Hate her? Shit. Levi mentally panicked. ‘No, no, no I don't hate you, I could never hate you (Y/n)! Did I mess up? I haven't said anything too bad right?’ Levi ignored the thoughts pouring into his subconscious.

“It's my place to know if you're getting weak and sloppy on expeditions with my squad. You’ve been disorganized on recent expeditions with other squads too. You're supposed to be strong as a Captain. You can't just get weak all of a sudden because of a pointless insecurity to have.” (Y/n) stood up from her seat abruptly.

“Are you fucking serious Levi?! I didn't work my ass off my whole life to just get picked on by the likes of you! You think you have the right to tell me I've gotten weak and to tell me my insecurity is useless?! Why won't you just leave me the fuck alone!” Tears threatened to pour out of her eyes. Her yelling clearly didn't get to him though.

Which pissed her off even more.

She put her shaking hand on her chest and clenched the fabric near her heart.

“Do you think you're so high and almighty just because you're ‘Humanity's Strongest’? Why do you think you can talk about why I wear this cloak so freely? Is your new goal to just break me down as a person and to make me feel even more horrible than I already feel?!” Levi’s eyes widened the slightest. The feeling of guilt catching up with him once again.

He didn't mean those things. He could never mean those things. He just didn't know how to respond when he's near her.

“It's only recently you’ve decided on putting me down! Why?.. Did all those late night talks we both had together mean nothing to you?!”

.. She was met with silence.

(Y/n) shook her head aggressively.

“SAY SOMETHING ACKERMAN!” She slammed a fist down on his desk. His slightly widened eyes, returned to his eyes that looked like they could care less. The unfazed look returned to his features.

“Is that all you know how to do? Yell? Are you slow or something? You should just retire as a Captain, you're childish. You're being overly dramatic about this situation. I couldn't care less about why you wear that cloak. I already understand why. It must be tough hiding all that hair you feel so ashamed of.” Levi kept his voice at the same volume the whole time he spoke.

He felt regret at his choice of words.

‘Stop fucking talking Levi. You're going to lose her. Just stop talking you dumbass!’

Suddenly (Y/n) threw off her cloak. Revealing her body and hair once again. It felt like Levi ignored the image of her body earlier. She looks really thin. Unhealthy thin. His eyebrows furrowed.

“I wear that cloak because of people like you!” Levi looked taken aback.

People like him?

“Judgemental dumbasses like you who can't be nice once for the likes of them!” Wait.. is she.. Did.. Did he make her cry? Is she crying? Tears finally sprung free from her eyes and rolled down (Y/n)’s cheeks as her bottom lip started to quiver. She never cried. Ever. And he's never seen her cry.

“I.. I try so hard for you, Levi! A-And all you see in me is my worst, obviously. I-I love you so much it actually hurts!” A sob escaped her lips and Levi felt blood rush to his face.

She loves him?!

Oh no what the fuck does he do?! Confess?! After everything he just said?? Guilt ran through his bloodstream and he felt his chest tighten.

“.... Why do you hate me? Am I that bad of a person? O-Or just.. ugly?”

‘No! Of course you're not ugly. Your fucking beautiful. The most gorgeous of them all! Levi fucking speak! Say something nice for once you asshole! Confess to her!’ Levi felt himself pause. His heart beating against his ribs. It hurt. The confession was about to slip out of his mouth. Almost..

“Tch. You're clumsy. Careless. And you lack skill.” Her breath got caught in her throat and she felt herself freeze.

Is it possible to feel your heart physically break? Because it felt like for her he smashed it with a hammer, stepped on it with his clean boots, and lit it on fire with a torch.

“And it's not my fault you're anorexic. Anything else Captain (Y/n)?”

She stared ahead.

With widened eyes. Pupils shaking. Her lips slightly parted. Tears still slipping from her eyes. Her stunning eyes. She stood there like that for a moment. A very long moment.

“Nothing..” Her whisper was in a hush. She didn't blink at all as she directed her attention to the floor, turning around.

“Keep the cloak..” She said quietly as she continued walking. Levi’s eyes following her figure. Fuck.

He messed up big time.

The door to his office closing in a slam awoke his senses and brought him back to reality. He ran a hand through his hair. No, no, no.

Why did he say that to her? Why is he such a dick? How could he even look at her again? How could he say that? He shook his head and shut his eyes tightly. Feeling exhaustion weigh down on his shoulders.

He clenched his fists and threw off all the papers from his desk onto the floor. His teeth gritted. He's such a fucking idiot!

Why the fuck did he say that?!? His chest heaved up and down and suddenly his gaze turned to the plate of food she brought him. His heart sank.

“I'm so sorry..” Levi muttered, staring at the food.

Then he looked at the cloak on his polished floors. He walked to it, with heavy eyes. Picking it up, and rubbing the fabric with his thumbs. His knees rested on the floor, as he continued to stare at it.

“I’m sorry..” He closed his eyes tightly, feeling moisture build up in his eyes. He pulled it to his chest, and leaned his upper body down.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..” He muttered over and over again.

The torturous guilt and regret eating him alive.

________________________________________________________

It’s been weeks since Levi and (Y/n) had spoken.

Weeks.

Eyebags lived beneath his eyes, and he felt more tired than he's ever been in his entire life. Erwin was starting to grow concerned for Levi. He knew what happened between him and (Y/n) because Levi told him and Hange.

They tried to break it down as blunt as they could with Levi. Yeah.. The whole thing was practically his fault. Hange freaked out when he told the both of them.

“HUH??! YOU ACTUALLY TOLD HER THAT, LEVI?? (Y/N), MY POOR BABY!” Hange gripped Levi’s shoulders and swung him back and forth while he just let her do that. Erwin tried calming down Hange, it looked like they were about to cry. And kill Levi at the same time. Once Hange had calmed down they sat down on their seat again.

“But seriously Levi? You actually told her that? That's absolutely heartless. You make me want to cry with what you said to her!” Erwin nodded his head at Hange’s words.

“Levi, sounds like all of the things you said to her were unnecessary. She just seemed like she was worried about you.” Levi sighed restlessly. He nodded his head and stared at the ground, remembering her heartbroken face.

“You pushed her away from you, Captain Shortie!”

“I know.. I just don't know how to talk to her.. it should be easy. She told me she loves me.. and I.. I love her. So why was it so hard and why did I have to mess it all up? I don't deserve her… I never did.” Levi felt so ashamed even bringing that encounter back up.

Hange and Erwin looked at each other. They’ve never seen Levi so.. distraught before. He always has this emotionless face on. Seeing him act human for once made Hange and Erwin feel bad about the situation. But there was nothing the both of them could do about it.

Levi sat in his office shaking away the memory of telling Hange and Erwin about that day.

He just wished (Y/n) would smile at him again. For weeks he's been trying to talk to her. Telling the cadets to tell her to report to his office.

She never showed up though.

Figures.

He broke her.

For weeks he's been trying to think of ideas on how he could see her again without her ignoring his whole person. He doesn't blame her.

But it was frustrating.

He knows he doesn't have the right to be frustrated after everything he said to her, but he just feels frustrated.

Maybe not at her. At himself.

For even saying those words to her. For making her cry.

Levi pulled at his hair.

'Just apologize you big pussy.'

Levi shook his head and drank some of his black tea. As soon as it made its way down his throat he gulped it all. Finishing all his tea in mere seconds.He stood up as soon as he finished it.

That's it.

Today was the day where he apologized to her after weeks of not talking. He needs to tell her he fucked up big time and he's aware. He needs to find her first. To tell her all things that have been making his heart feel heavy.

(Y/n) was cleaning the horse stables. She didn't want to tell her squad to do it. She just didn't want to talk to anyone. Any human that crossed her path she just straight out ignored them and didn't look at them at all. She held a blank facial expression.

The hurt Levi caused her heart to feel was unbearable. All the pain he caused her to feel, mentally, was it even humanly? Could humans even feel this amount of pain?

She felt like dying honestly.

Or just running away from the Survey Corps. But she knew the penalty was execution.

Life wasn't that easy.

If life was easy maybe Levi wouldn't have been such an ass to her and made her feel like she truly amounts to nothing.

Did he see her as some pathetic, weak human being? Because she doesn't eat? She tries too. She really does. But every time she does, it makes her feel nauseous. It looks sickening.

When she was sold to the men from the Underground, they starved her. To keep her ‘beautiful’ body. That's why she's sensitive to the subject of starvation. As you could tell from when she kicked Sasha for saying she was “literally starving”.

Why was she even thinking about Levi still? He doesn't love her. He doesn't care about her.

He's.. just a jerk.

She felt a tear slip down her eye. She recalled the memory of her morning after that day.

At breakfast Hange, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were all talking amongst each other. Then they looked up at her, seeing her without her cloak. She sort of regretted leaving it in Levi’s office. But it was too late to receive it anyways. Then they smiled and waved at her, acting friendly. Her blank face didn't waver as she looked away from them and walked past the table. Not planning on eating.

All of their smiles disappeared as they watched her walk off.

“What's wrong with her?” Eren asked the table.

“I have no idea.” Mikasa’s usually bored eyes were filled with some concern.

“Is she okay? She didn't look too good right now.” Armin looked at Hange since Hange was the closest to (Y/n).

“I'm not sure. I haven't seen her since yesterday when she left mid dinner. Maybe she ate in her office? She had a plate of food with her.” Eren shrugged and they all thought to themselves.

She flat out ignored her friends and Levi for the past few weeks. She just didn't want to be around people at the moment. And once Hange found out, they completely understood.

(Y/n) shoveled the horse shit, almost making her want to puke. But she tried to remain expressionless. She had no clue Levi was looking for her in that moment of time.

He already checked her office. Knocked on her room door which was open, and her bed was untouched. If looked like she hadn't slept on there for a long time, causing his guilt to rise. He asked all of her friends if they've seen her. To which they responded with, "We haven't talked to her in a while actually." Which made him feel worse. But he shook it off, focusing on finding her. He even asked Erwin if she's been assigned to an expedition with her squad. He said, "No." which made Levi relieved as he continued to check the whole castle. He even went to the training grounds. She wasn't there.

Where the fuck is she? Hasn't he checked everywhere?

.. No. Not everywhere. He walked down to the horse stables, and checked stall after stall. And finally he saw her shoveling horse shit with her beautiful stunning self.

He didn't even realize her name slipped past his lips until she turned to him.She looked beautiful. But still thin. Really thin. Although she held a blank face as she stared at him.

The twinkle that was in her eyes, disappeared.

He was looking past the sort of horrific look she was giving him though. Calling it her “blank” face. She felt paralyzed as she just stood there.

“Captain.” She finally muttered out.She never called him Captain. It was always Levi. Always Levi.

“... (Y/n).” He repeated at a loss for words.

‘No, don't chicken out now you bitch. Just tell her what's been on your mind.’ Levi sucked in a breath before walking towards her. She just stared at him, and finally broke out of the paralyzed state she was just in. She took a couple of steps back, her back hitting the wall as she dropped the shovel full of horse poop.Her eyebrows furrowed as he walked towards her.

“Stay away from me.” She told him in a cold tone.He halted and stood where he was. Losing confidence for a second, and feeling guilty as hell. But the longer he stared at her the longer he felt bad and had to say something.

“I’m..” What the hell. Speak Levi! Speak!

“I’m..”

“You're wasting your time if you're trying to apologize.” (Y/n) picked up the shovel she dropped on the ground.

“Why are you doing stable duty?” He forced out.

Ugh. Pussy.

“Because I'm too sloppy, and weak with everything else. I lack skill.” She responded with a small scoff. Levi glanced to his side, hurt flashed in his eyes but he tried to make it disappear just as quickly as it came.

“I'm sorry..” He said clearly, with no hesitation or stutter in his voice this time.

She raised her chin up at this. “Sure.”

“I am, okay? I’m sorry for everything I said to you. It was unnecessary and I just..” Levi’s heartbeat started to race again.

“I'm a dick. And I hurt you. Badly. I said some things I can't take back but they were all a lie. I don't think your insecurities are pointless and I don't think you're a weak soldier. You're one of the strongest Captains here at Survey Corps.” She looked unimpressed with his words.

“I’m not falling for this, Ackerman. Okay? Now will you just leave and let me finish this?” Her glare directed at him made him hate himself.

“(Y/n)-”

“Will you go away? I’ve made it clear I obviously don't want to have this discussion with you.” She snapped.

“God damn it (Y/n)! Will you just let me apologize to you?!” He was about to walk towards her again but she didn't allow it.

“Why?! Why do you want to apologize after 1 ½ months, Levi?!” Her eyebrows were furrowed and her teeth were gritted as she shook her head before even realizing what she just said.

Levi stared at her. She had that broken look on her face again, as she sighed softly. Her eyes looked so sad.

Way to go Ackerman, you dumbass.

“You don't like me. And I..” she blinked back her tears that were building up.

“I loved you..” She said in a whisper. Loved?.. No.

“I’ve never hated you (Y/n).” She looked at him, not believing what he was saying.

“I have always..” His heartbeat sped up. His cheeks warming up and being dusted with blush.

“I love you, (Y/n).” Her eyes widened as she slowly turned her head to Levi.

He had eyebags under his eyes. His skin looked paler than it usually did. And.. he had this pleading look in his eyes.

What happened to him? Was he just as broken as her?.. but how? He looked like he didn't even care when he ripped her heart out and stopped on it with ease.

But she just broke eye contact instead of believing him. That's what they all say. ‘Sorry’ to make it better. But they don't really mean it. Is a bandage immediately going to heal you? It's not. So it's best not to sugarcoat it.

“Tch, you're lying to yourself.”

Levi stepped back, his frustration building up.

“I hate liars.”

“Then if you really love me, why did you tell me all those things in your office that day?” (Y/n) glared.

“I just brought you food, you ass.” She looked away, feeling those stupid crocodile tears build up again.

He let out a sigh and turned his head away from her.

“(Y/n) I really didn't mean any of that stupid shit I spoke. I just..” He sucked in a breath, as the awkwardness got to him finally.

“I get awkward and.. fuck, this sounds stupid-.. n-nervous around you. Which is why I've been so mean to you lately, and why I can't even look y-you in the eye when you're around me or why I have this stupid ass stutter!” He slapped a hand over his face and turned his whole body away from her, his cheeks turning to the color of a tomato this time.

(Y/n)’s furrowed brows relaxed when she started running everything he said through her brain. That explains why he stutters around her and why he does act nervous every time she even breathes near him. She gasped quietly, and her eyes softened.

Does he really have feelings for her? Real ones?

So all the things he said.. Did he really not mean it? But wait.. if he did like her or.. ‘love’ her like he says he does, why did he even say all those cruel things to begin with? Like from the very beginning?

“Levi.” He turned his head to look at her.

“(Y/n).”

“Why were you even mean to begin with if you really do like me? Everything you said.. it's.. not going to go away so easily. You said it all so easily though. I'm just.. confused.” Levi glanced down hesitant, and then walked toward her, this time she didn't say anything.

Once he stood in front of her, he slowly grabbed her hands. (Y/n)’s eyebrows raised slightly.

‘I thought he hated physical interaction.’

“I say this with full honesty, (Y/n). I have no idea how to talk to you normally. Not so long ago, when you would talk to me I didn't know how to respond at all. That's where the stutter comes in. And I’ve never been attracted to anyone like I am with you. It's hard to say, brat.” He looked up. She just stared at him.

“All the random insults poured out of my mouth every time I saw you because I get awkward and I think that's ‘flirting’.” She looked down, feeling his thumbs start to rub circles on her hands.

“I'm sorry for everything I've said. I didn't mean any of it, I was talking out of my ass. Your body is beautiful and so are you.. I-I can't even explain how much I..” Levi’s eyes met with hers as he trailed off. He lost his train of thoughts. How couldn't he?

When she staring at him with those fucking pretty eyes. (Y/n) blinked causing him to snap out of it. He cleared his throat and his eyes sort of.. softened.

“How much I love you.”

“Levi..” That sparkle in her eye shining brighter than ever. Her cheeks turned crimson.

“I understand if you don't want to be with me. But I promise if you do, I won't ever disappoint you or make you cry like I've done so many times.” Levi’s heart thumped and since it was so quiet in the night, the only thing to be heard was the sounds of nature, the wind and his heart beating out of his chest.

“I'll make sure you start eating again. Every single day.” He hesitantly lifted one of her hands and placed a light kiss on her knuckle.

“I just.. I don't want to get hurt again.” (Y/n) whispered, her eyes not meeting his.

“I promise I'll never hurt you like this ever again.” She looked up.

“Promise?” He smiled softly, making her heart flutter. She's never seen Levi smile.

“I promise.” The longer he stared at her, his attention moved down to her lips. Her heart beating faster than a rabbits at this point, her breath was caught at the back of her throat. Levi glanced at her eyes, then her lips. Then he lifted a hand to her chin. Tilting her head as he slowly leaned in.

‘Levi?’ She thought in her brain.

Just as his lips brushed against hers she relaxed. (Y/n) closed her eyes, and leaned in, placing her lips onto his soft ones. As their lips connected, (Y/n) wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer to him with his other arm.

The kiss was sweet. Levi felt like someone lit a bonfire inside of him, his neck and face heating up immediately. (Y/n) could almost feel her heart beating in her throat. She felt like she couldn't breathe the longer her and Levi kissed.

Finally he broke his lips apart from hers.

A small blush on his facial features as he smiled genuinely.

“I'll help you clean up this shit, so we can leave sooner. It smells like ass in here.” (Y/n) nodded, letting out a small laugh. One of her rare laughs.

As she went to pick up the shovel she turned around to look back at Levi.

“Levi?” He turned to her.

“(Y/n)?”

“.. I love you.” Love filled his eyes as shyness filled his thoughts causing him to halt for a second.

“I love you, too.”

a/n: I hope you enjoyed that story!! please requests more! ❣️:)

#levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x female reader #Levi Ackerman x Reader heartbreak #Levi Ackerman x reader angst #angst #fluff #Levi Ackerman x reader confession #Levi Ackerman #(y/n)#Levi Ackerman x (Y/n)#levi aot

39 notes · View notes

plutoccult · 1 year

Text

LET THE LIGHT IN

pairing: jean kirstein x female reader

description: the aftermath of the moment you and jean shared the night before had proven to be more awkward than you wanted it to be, but now you were determined to say how you feel this time around. if only jean would stop avoiding you like the plague, then it would be a whole lot easier for you.

word count: 3.6k

read part one here

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: i genuinely didn’t expect to get any notes when i posted three little words, and i honestly never thought of writing a continuation of it, so thank you to @spicytvna for suggesting it! you really got my brain cooking, and i’m very grateful! thank you for everyone you liked and reblogged it as well! it’s very much appreciated! i honestly struggled with the title as i didn’t want to use the same title just with “part two” on it, and since music is what flows my creativity, i decided to go with a song that i felt represented jean and the reader. shoutout to lana del rey for having a chokehold on me since middle school. you really are that bitch fr. sorry this took quite a bit to get to you guys, but i really wanted to make sure i was giving you all something great. enjoy!!!

neither you or jean could sleep after what happened that night. you were too in your head to finish writing to your father while jean was too embarrassed to say a word to connie about what happened. you were in the same boat the next morning when sasha tried asking if something happened between you two, but your erratic behavior scared her off, so she ran back to connie with no intel to report.

you couldn’t help but mentally beat yourself up over and over about the whole thing. why did you have to freeze up? why couldn’t you just… say how you feel? you knew you loved him, and you finally knew he loved you, but why couldn’t you help but be scared? you were always the kind of person who never wanted to say how you feel first, but when the chance came to where you could say it without rejection, you chicken out.

it replayed in your head on a loop. you got all worked up just by the very thought then would always curse yourself afterwards. you had to do something about it. you had to talk to jean. he had to know you felt the same way as he felt for you. there isn’t anything to be scared of anymore, or so you thought.

every time you saw jean, he always just so happened to be going in the opposite direction as you. whenever you tried to call out for him, he acted like he couldn’t hear you. it was easy to figure out he was ignoring you, and he was doing—in your opinion—quite an awful job at it.

it seemed as if he was just going to easily write off what happened and never speak to you again, but why? you wanted to ask why he can’t give you a chance to speak, but you had your chance the night he spilled his guts. you just weren’t able to spill yours. still, you were on a mission to talk to him someway, somehow. you would do whatever it takes.

as the days passed, you figured you had to find jean in a place where he couldn’t run. you hoped you could get some help from connie as sasha told you how connie (allegedly) said that he would love to finally make the pairing of you and jean happen and work something out. so, you prayed that sasha wasn’t lying to you and found the courage to knock on the door of jean and connie’s room, assuming jean would be somewhere else, continuing to avoid you.

like you expected, connie opened the door. he knew you would come to him, but he wasn’t expecting it not long after sasha relayed his message hardly an hour ago. “y/n!”

“hi. i hope i’m not intruding or anything.” you say politely. you’re almost tempted to peer your head to see if jean is hiding in the room somewhere, but you don’t want to ruin this.

“nah, i was just bumming.” connie assured you, which brought you some relief. “you’re here for jean, aren’t you?”

“isn’t it obvious?” you force a laugh. it was hard to act like you were okay with what happened when you nowhere near weren’t. you were sure jean probably brought your name to shame when he returned to his room that night, but things weren’t always what they seemed.

“um, hello? sash and i been waiting for one of you to stop being a wuss and confess for ages. we essentially knew jean would be the one to do it first, we just didn’t think… uh…” he struggled with his words towards the end. you know exactly what connie was going to say, so you said the words for him and let him off easy.

“that i wouldn’t be able to say it back?”

“yup, basically. but that’s okay, y/n. feelings are scary, i get that.” connie said. “that’s why i’m here to help you properly declare your feelings for jean, and i have the best way to do it.”

“you do?” you raised an eyebrow, feeling unsure about what his idea of the “best” is.

“yeah, i’m feeling like picking a bunch of flowers, maybe an impromptu musical number in front of everyone—” connie began to list what you thought were a bunch of terrible, terrible ideas. this is not what you expected when sasha said connie would help you. it was horrendous, and you had to put a stop to it.

“um, connie, i’m not sure that’s a good idea—” your words were interrupted by a familiar voice, one you could recognize without hesitation. you turn around quickly, it’s exactly who you hoped and prayed to see for days now. finally. “jean!”

jean froze in his tracks as you and connie fall silent and share a look. he’s at a loss for words, unsure how to get himself out of this situation, except for one idea; run.

you didn’t even have a second to think as connie did what you would’ve done for you aka run after him. you couldn’t even believe what was happening right now. all you wanted was a way to fix things with jean, and while he finally entered your presence once more, he bolted as quickly as he arrived. at least the sight of connie apprehending jean and snatching his room key was somewhat entertaining to watch.

“you’re coming with me, buddy!” connie yelled as he had his hold on jean, practically threatening to yank out his arm socket as he dragged him across the floor.

“no!” jean whined, fighting for his life. it was such a childish thing, you thought, hearing him act like this. they argued back and forth like bickering siblings until connie finally got jean back to their room door, and all you could do was stand and watch.

“why not?!”

“b-because!”

“that’s not a reason!”

“because i don’t want to!”

your eyes met connie’s as he threw jean into their room. he was one to be chaotic, but this seemed like a whole new level for you. “hey, y/n, remember that idea i had? well, i have an even better one.”

“what is it?” you ask nervously before connie pushed you into the room with jean, tripping backwards over jean’s leg and falling straight to your ass quicker than you could blink.

“neither of you are leaving until you talk your feelings out. later!” connie said then slammed the door in both of your faces, leaving the two of you speechless.

you quickly get to your feet and reach for the doorknob, realizing it won’t budge on bit. connie locked the door and was the only one with the key. that sneaky son of a bitch locked you two in a room without any escape. well, unless you wanted to jump out a window.

“oh… my… god…” you say to yourself, hoping for jean to say something to you, maybe propose a way on how to get out of here, but he didn’t say a word, he didn’t even dare to look you in the eye, and you couldn’t stand it.

“aren’t you going to say something?” your question comes out desperate. “this is torture, jean!”

“ha, you’re one to talk!” jean scoffed, taking you by surprise. you couldn’t help but wonder what changed his mind so drastically between a few nights ago and now. you know what you didn’t wasn’t the best, but you were trying to make it right, and he wasn’t giving you a chance whatsoever. it was, like you said, torture. perhaps the greatest torture of all, in fact.

“really? this is how you’re going to act?” you ask in disbelief.

“yes, y/n, it is because i’m so embarrassed that even just being in the same room as you makes me wanna rip my heart out.” he said harshly.

you’re left speechless by his words. you wanted to say he didn’t mean it, but you know he did. you embarrassed him. you toyed with his poor heart without meaning to. yes, you did love him, but it almost felt like you were being crucified just for being scared to say it out loud, and you refused to be crucified any longer. whether jean still had feelings for you or not, you couldn’t stand to live like this.

as you failed to respond, you snapped back to reality as you realize jean is trying to force the bedroom window open. you noticed the window earlier, but you seriously didn’t think he would jump to such extreme measures as you didn’t consider it for yourself. from this level, it wouldn’t be easy climbing out either.

“what the hell are you doing?” you question him.

“getting out of here.” jean replied coldly as he focused on opening the window, which he did successfully after a bit of brute force. you really couldn’t believe this.

“you’re gonna climb out a fucking window just to get away from me?” you ask with sadness in your voice. “where’s the jean kirstein that i loved so much?”

jean froze. loved? you knew what you meant when you said it, but jean’s mind raced a mile a minute as he tried figuring out what way you meant those words. it was something he never thought he’d hear, but it only made him wish he wasn’t an impatient little asshole who gave you no chance to say what you wanted to when you were ready for it.

he slowly turned around to meet your gaze, noticing your eyes beginning to well with tears. god, he felt so awful now. “what?”

“you wanna get out of here? i’ll get you out of here. i’m in love with you. i love you. i was too afraid to say it that night, but i’m not afraid to say it now.” you say without faltering, even if this was nowhere near how you wanted this to go. “clearly i messed it all up and you would rather die than breathe in my direction, so there. we said how we felt, now you can get what you want.”

getting out here wasn’t what he wanted. it was those goddamn three little words he craved more than he ever wished for freedom and luxury. that was what he wanted. he knew it all came out so angrily from your lips, but that part didn’t matter to him right now. you loved him. you loved jean kirstein. that alone could mend any bone that dared to break or wash away any bad thought in his brain. you weren’t the one that messed this up, it was him. it was time jean tried to make it right, but he was too late. timing had a thing for never being on either of your sides.

before jean could speak and make this all better, you knock on the door for connie’s attention. “connie? you can let us out now. all feelings have been made very, very clear.”

connie, who could hear everything from the other side of the door, did as you wished and set you free. you look at jean one last time before walking out, the look of teardrops streaming down your face bound to haunt him. he immediately stood up and went after you, grabbing you by the shoulder to stop you. you turn around and face him, wiping away your tears in an attempt to appear strong.

“y/n, i’m sorry.” jean said quickly. there was so much more he could say, but that seemed like the best start, if you gave him the chance to speak, although he knew he didn’t deserve it.

“no, it’s okay.” you insist. “we’re even now, i suppose.”

jean didn’t want to get “even”, but he felt like he had no choice but to watch you walk away. you didn’t mean to hurt each other like this, but you both made it seem so easy. even if the execution came out so simple, the effects were like needles prodding your hearts. you had to find a way to heal your broken hearts somehow.

when you walked back to your room, you found sasha on her way out, assuming she was going to sneak herself some a secret snack before dinnertime. she was shocked to find you coming back like this, and without either of you needing to say a word, she wrapped her arms around you and held you tightly. you melted into her embrace, letting out all the cries you held back from before.

“come on, you should lay down.” sasha said softly. “all that crying is gonna tire you out.”

“okay.” you sniffle. “thank you.”

•••

sasha always knew you so well. it was the best part of being roommates. you fell asleep not long after going into your shared room, and she left you be as she assumed you really needed it. come dinnertime, sasha gently nudged you awake as food was always important in her eyes.

“y/n, hey.” she whispered. “it’s time for dinner. you coming?”

you groan as you open and rub your eyes. dinnertime? you’d rather have loneliness as an appetizer and shame as the main course. you couldn’t face jean so soon. besides, you knew jean always sat with connie and sasha, so where would that leave you? you were better off alone right now. “no, i’d rather not.”

“are you sure? i think some food could heal those wounds.” sasha said, trying her best to convince you to come to the mess hall. you could sense some ulterior motives, one involving a certain horse-faced soldier, so you brushed her off and insisted on not tagging along.

“i just want some time alone, sasha.” you say, pulling your blanket closer to you.

sasha decided to let you off the hook, not wanting to press you too much, but she couldn’t help but worry about you a little. “okay. maybe get some fresh air, alright? for my sake?”

“yeah, okay, i will.” you agree, thinking you won’t really do so, but the thought makes you think it could be a good idea after all.

“good. now… food awaits me.” sasha said before swiftly existing the room, assuming she would run to dinner like her life depended on it. like any other day, her life quite literally did depend on it. for you, however, some alone time was what you needed, but maybe some fresh air will do you some good.

forcing yourself out of bed, you leave the room so you could head to your usual spot, one you’ve shared with friends before in the past, but for tonight, it was meant to be all yours. you always enjoyed sitting on a set of steps on nights like these, with the stars twinkling and moon shining as if it were just for you. the night breeze made you feel safe, like a sign that everything would be okay with time, but when?

unbeknownst to you, when sasha entered the mess hall, jean had expected you to walk in with her. he and connie asked where you were, and sasha—almost acting like your own personal cupid—informed the two about your whereabouts. jean knew this was his opportunity to turn this all around, or at the very least make it known how terrible he felt about the way he acted. but he couldn’t just do it with words, he had to show it too, and jean knew exactly where you could be right now.

funnily enough, the second you were getting ready to go back to your room and lay down for the rest of the night, you found jean standing many feet behind you with a tray of food in one hand and some flowers in the other. you froze in your tracks, shocked to see him here, but also unsure what was going to happen.

“i know sasha said you wanted to be alone, but i, um… thought you’d still be hungry.” he said shyly, a stark contrast compared to earlier.

“and the flowers?” you asked.

“i picked them myself. they’re, uh, apology flowers.” jean replied, handing the flowers to you, which you hesitantly accepted. they were your favorite, of course he knew which ones to pick out. “can i sit? please?”

“um, yeah, sure. i’ll take that food off your hands too.” you say. it was impossible to say no to food, but if jean was going to improve his past behavior, then it’s best you take this chance and hear him out.

you sit back down at the steps and jean followed. he handed you the tray of food, consisting of a potato and some bread, which was all he managed to sneak out successfully. you set the tray down next to you and picked apart at the bread, using it as an excuse to not speak just yet. you’d let him do the talking first.

“i really am sorry, y/n.” he started off with. “i was such an asshole to you. i should’ve been more patient and understanding.”

you quit eating your food and looked at him with a puzzled look on your face. “what? no, i should’ve been honest with you about how i felt. i hurt your feelings, jean.”

“and i hurt yours. like you said earlier, we’re even, right?” jean questioned with a shrug.

“i didn’t want to get even.” you frowned. “i would’ve done it all differently. i wouldn’t have made such a confession so angrily like that.”

and why shouldn’t you? shouldn’t you be able to do what you had planned before it all turned disastrous? jean was more than willing to let you. earlier wasn’t enough. he wanted to hear more on your feelings. yelling in his face how you’re in love with him like it pissed you off wasn’t what he initially wanted. he wanted to hear you say it with that soft voice only so few people hear. just for him and him alone.

“why not have a redo?” he proposed, which you thought was downright crazy. “say how you feel, y/n. in the way you wanted to say it.”

your cheeks were burning red. it seemed like such a good idea in your head until jean actually encouraged it. you were so complicated like that; preferring the thought rather than the actual thing. you had to get better with that, but you didn’t seem ready for that just yet. “wow, this bread really hits different today—”

“y/n.” jean cut you off.

“hey, what happened to being more patient and understanding?” you pouted.

“and what happened to being honest about how you feel?” he was right. why did he have to be right? you hated that so much, but you knew you shouldn’t.

“it’s just…” you sigh. “it feels safer staying a thought in my head rather than spoken out loud.”

even saying that out loud made you uncomfortable. you tried to shy away from jean, but he wouldn’t let you. you couldn’t let yourself shy away either.

“it’s okay, it’s just me. you know how i feel.” he tried to assure you, but you couldn’t help but feel a little unsure. it was that small part in the back of your head that wondered what if his feelings had changed within a matter of days. it was silly, but your mind loved to mess with you in such heinous ways.

“do i?”

“i love you, y/n. that hasn’t changed.” that was exactly what you needed to hear. you couldn’t be afraid of the rejection when he laid his heart out on the line for you once more. it was time you took this head first without fear. no hesitating, no freezing up, no stumbling with your words, none of it. you’re doing this.

“jean, i love you so much it scares the shit out of me.” you say with tears in your eyes. “you’re my best friend, ya know? i can’t lose you. i don’t want either of us to run away. it would kill me.”

jean began to feel himself starting to cry too. this was all he wanted in the greatest way possible, just you saying you loved him with true, genuine meaning. it was what he wished for in the first place, but it was well worth the wait. “i won’t run away. not from this, not from you.”

“i won’t either.” you reply.

“good.” he smiled softly. a gentle stroke of your hair by jean made you want to fold over instantly. he used his thumb to wipe away your tears, which made your heart want to melt.

“is this the part where you kiss me now?” you ask breathlessly.

“do you want me to?” jean asked, waiting for you to say yes.

“yes.” you hurriedly nod.

“that’s all you had to say.” he said before gently placing a kiss on your lips. you liked that he treated you so carefully, like a porcelain doll. you wrap your arms around him as the kiss made your head feel hazy. you both felt comfortable with the feeling.

when you parted away, jean found himself lost in your glowing eyes. your smile made his heart skip a beat and he couldn’t help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside. he’d be far more than willing to burn if it meant always staying close to you.

“so, how’s that bread—” he said to break the silence. a bad way to do it, you thought as you immediately laughed and shyly buried your head in his shoulder. he pulled himself away and lifted your chin so you’d face him, kissing you once more.

you and jean spent the rest of that night side by side, at some point finding yourselves laid out on the grass as you watched the stars, hoping to find constellations from the ground. you held each other close without wanting to let go, and neither of you intended to. now that those three little words were said, you wouldn’t dare shy away from the light.

#FINALLY SHE EXISTS #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x reader #aot x female reader #aot x reader #jean kirstein x female reader #snk x reader #snk x female reader #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #jean kirstein fanfiction #aot jean #snk jean #pluto writes 📝

126 notes · View notes

magpod-confessions · 3 months

Note

hi. so because i'm normal about jonathan sims and jmart. um.

i really like jmart. i think there could have been MUCH better buildup, but... ultimately it's a very cute ship. i think the appeal, yeah, is a lot that it's just canon. but.

they're both deeply broken people. jon wasn't loved enough. his grandmother tried her best, but he was never cuddled, never read to, never had a chance to *be a little kid*, really. and martin was never loved. maybe he convinced himself he was just never loved the right way, that his mum just didn't know how to show it because he was so *insufferable* and *incompetant*, but no matter the lies he tells himself, martin was not shown love by his mother.

and then they meet. and martin gives and gives and gives because that's all he knows. and jon has no idea how to receive because he never really had anything to receive. and jon's coping mechanism, with that unknown situation, is to reinforce his emotional walls. martin does not know how to stop giving. so they don't work at this point, not at all.

and then jon's emotional walls come tumbling down. well, moreso that they were violently destroyed, with prentiss and all. jon has no support system!!! tim hates him because he's a fucking *stalker*, martin... well... he can't rely on martin, of all people. and sasha... he never knew her too well, but she's acting strange. so jon and martin don't work together at that point, romantically, i think partially because jon won't let it.

in big part, jmart is built on mutual trauma (NOT traumabonding!! i know it's used that way in podcast, but that's not the correct definition) and ... martin being pretty much the only person jon has left. of course, there's basira and melanie and georgie, but they don't *get it*. they didn't go through everything jon did alongside him. sure, martin didn't either, but martin has been there the whole time.

it's partially a relationship of proximity, partially shared trauma, but i do think a lot of it is genuine care for each other (even if that care stems from the former two reasons).

anyways. theyre really cute. tma could have been just as good without it, but---and im saying this as someone who typically despises most romance in media---i really adore them and their dynamic. it opens up so many doors for both character- and self-exploration.

martin learning to love without sacrificing himself. jon learning to love openly, period. explorations of trust and how mutual trauma that affected people in different ways can shape them, etc etc etc. and of course, this is all in fics and in my own mind, because . theyre dead . (i wont accept any ending but that, honestly. theyre not Somewhere Else to me). but. it's nice. they mean a lot to me as characters and as people and as a pair. thumbs up.

and some jon ranting!! because i. admit. finally. that i might be a bit of a jon kinnie.

jon doubts himself, constantly, unless his decision is completely impulsive (ex. the coffin). he can't *let* himself feel, fully, because as a child it was always annoying/obnoxious, or too much, or wrong in some ambiguous, nebulous way.

he's out of touch with himself emotionally. it's... not so much that he doesn't get emotions, it's moreso that he's repressed the majority of his own so intensely that he has a hard time dealing with others' emotions because he's not too sure what it's supposed to feel like without a heavy flavouring of shame.

he's read a lot of books. he knows, in theory, what sadness or romantic love or anger or excitement feels like---and occasionally in practice, when the repression and 'compartmentalisation' (bottling it up) becomes too much and it all boils over---but he has a hard time relating those hypothetical and heat-of-the-moment feelings to actual, real life people.

he struggles with empathy, severely. partially an autistic thing, partially a trauma response. yknow. he's genuinely well-meaning when it comes to comforting those he cares about, but he's not sure of the right thing to say because of how severely that muscle has atrophied. he was never taught that with his grandmother and her neglect (and yes, no matter what he says on tape, it was emotional neglect) and then not having very many friends... he missed those prime developmental stages as a child.

he never empathised with book characters, i don't think. he was always the observer, never really fully putting himself in the role of the protagonist. he definitely used books as an escapist coping mechanism, but it wasn't in a visiting-this-fictional-world way, it was more of a losing-himself-in-the-story way, if that makes sense. there was always a sense of detachment. reading was an *in between* of his life and the life of the protagonist.

he struggles with his and others' feelings because, from his perspective, his emotions are uniquely shameful, uniquely embarrassing, and uniquely *harmful* to other people. so, he represses them, and doesn't let himself feel them unless they're 'useful'. and then, when he can't apply this ideology to others' emotions, he has no way to deal with them. he freezes up because this is a situation in which he has no real experience in, and, as a child who was punished for behaving autistically *wrong* ---whether by his peers or his grandmother---he's scared to make a wrong move.

he sees himself as a person who is uniquely capable of harm. other people can hurt other people, sure, but jon can hurt them in a *special* way, a *worse* way, because he is a fundamentally wrong, bad person.

yeah👍

.🗣️

I AM EATING THIS I agree with this yea

#i also relate to jon a lot lmao #magpod #tma #the magnus archives #magpod confession #🗣

34 notes · View notes

apollodarling-writes · 2 years

Note

What about headcanons for Levi with an s/o that is always shy and blushing and easily flustered with him. Like, because she loves him she’s gets easily flustered by him and she just exudes energy of being soft and gentle around him.

But then conversely, when she’s around others she’s actually extremely confident and self assured (almost like a Princess archetype) and is known for being chaotic and mischievous. Like she’d definitely get along with Connie and Sasha and their sense of humor and especially with Hange’s chaotic energy.

Like if Levi sees that side of her, what would he think, since when he’s around he only ever sees the softer, gentler, more easily flustered a need somewhat shy version of her? Like it’s not like his s/o is purposely hiding it from him, she just happens to act so differently between her friends and then him simply because she’s in love with him

LEVI WITH A S/O WHO'S SHY AROUND HIM HCS:

Levi would think you don't like him or that you're scared of him at first. You're always so different around him, shy and blushy and so easily flustered, that it gives him whiplash and he doesn't know what to think.

He'd be softer with you; talking to you with a more gentle, quieter tone than everyone else. Goes easier on you for your punishments even though they're not really punishments to begin with.

Levi would offer you calming tea when you're nervous and stressed, trying just about anything and everything to get you to loosen up around him.

It doesn't hit him until he overhears your conversation with Connie and Sasha and that Horsefaced bastard that he finally realizes why you're so different around him.

"Connie, I can't just waltz up to the Captain and say, 'oh yeah, by the way, I'm totally in love with you.'"

"She's right, Connie. Have you seen [Name] around Captain Levi?" Jean's words reverberate in the man's head, playing on a constant loop for the next week.

He thinks that you being shy around him is so cute and it absolutely melts his heart.

He feels a sense of purpose when you're shy around him- like he needs to take care of you and protect you.

He also feels like it's okay for him to stumble over his words around you and be flustered as well because you're the exact same.

Anyways.

It takes him about a week to plan out his confession- scrapping ideas and re-writing what he'll say to you. Levi is staying up late thinking about you, all giddy and smiley because you don't dislike him. You're in love with him, too.

When it comes time for Levi's confession, he takes you out for a horseback ride, your arms around his waist feeling like home. Levi takes you to a beautiful clearing in the woods where he's prepared a picnic for the two of you.

The entire time you two are eating the lunch he's prepared, you nor Levi have the guts to look each other in the eyes.

When you finish eating, Levi pulls out a sheet of paper with words scribbled in hasty ink, hands shaking and lips pressed into a thin line.

He's absolutely terrified.

He reads the confession to you, not meeting your eyes once and stumbling over his words.

The confession goes into why he's in love with you, his favorite things about you, when he realized he was in love with you, etc.

When you're silently staring at him with flushed cheeks, he feels like he might've jumped the gun. Maybe he should have waited? Should he have dropped more hints first? What if you don't actually like him?

But when you quietly say that you feel the same, not that he didn't already know, he can't help but genuinely smile. You think it's beautiful.

It quickly spreads that the two of you are together.

Levi trains you one-on-one so that you can protect yourself and he won't worry as much for you during expeditions.

He always makes sure that you're safe though; you're positioned to the right of him at all times and you're always with him on missions.

He patches up your wounds and carries you to the infirmary if you need it.

Levi also loves kissing your temple and your forehead. He loves holding your hand and having you sit in his lap while he does paperwork.

He loves cuddling you and he loves sleeping beside you.

Levi has trouble sleeping so he takes the time to help you fall asleep; he runs his fingers through your hair and rubs circles in the small of your back- he'll even sing to you if you ask him!

He also learns to cook for you.

Levi is so sweet as a lover.

Levi listens to you so intently. He rarely forgets anything you say to him.

Levi also likes to learn more about your interests so he can experience them with you.

If someone flirts with you, he gets really jealous. He'll storm over to you and wrap his arm around your waist, glaring at the person who dares to flirt with his lover >:((

He'll do just about anything you ask him, too! As long as he has the time, he'll do his best.

Levi is also more insecure than you think. He feels like he's not good enough and that he has to prove himself, and if he doesn't then you'll leave him.

Please love him :((

344 notes · View notes

ghoulinfuschia · 6 months

Note

Hi there, follower since your Amphibia themed days. May I ask, are there any connections you could make between Amphibia and Murder Drones in plot, structure, characters, etc. that you love?

I think a common thread that appeals to me in both stories has to be the element of finding love when you feel lost. And I don’t mean romantic love. Uzi and Anne as characters are both incredibly flawed. Anne started off as selfish, dismissive, pushy, and overall rude. Uzi starts off being abrasive, standoffish, and it’s made very clear that she has zero friends. While both shows have very different storylines and plots, both have a protagonist who has a lot of growing to do and a lack of bonds.

Anne’s a bit better off since she had Sasha and Marcy. She wasn’t straight up alone, and she had family that loved her, but her friendship was very toxic. It felt like it wasn’t until she landed in Amphibia that she was able to find a community to flourish in. She became kind and understanding because of that, and she learned to stand up for herself. She found family when she was scared and struggling to find herself.

Uzi’s case is like on the complete opposite end of the spectrum in regards of severity. Though we don’t know much about her life before the beginning of the series, we can infer that she’s been isolated for a long time. She doesn’t have a friend group, her teacher doesn’t want to deal with her, her mom died but not really, and her dad might as well not even be there. Khan tries, but with his track record he could be categorized as an absent father. The show plays up her angsty teen bit for comedy, but in reality she’s kind of a tragic character. She doesn’t know how to make connections because no one bothered to give her the time of day. She’s also awful with dealing with her emotions since she was never taught how. Once again this is all speculation but I’m pretty confident that p much everyone in her life failed her in one way or another.

It wasn’t until Uzi became friends with the disassembly drones that she found people to connect with. I mean, moreso N than V since V seems to have her own walls up (which she wouldn’t fucking explain because HHHHHHH LIAAAAAAAAM).

N seems like one of, if not THE ONLY person in Uzi’s life who’s genuine and actually gives a shit about her. He’s patient with her and incredibly caring. In turn he was the key to helping her make a real connection and open up. She’s still um. Kind of emotionally janked but she’s getting better WAHAHA

Also this is less of a “I can fix her” situation and more of a “finally I’m not alone” sorta thing I feel.

I think overall what hooked me into these series was how both of the protags fall under the category of “People who seem insufferable but really just needed a hug”. Watching someone become a better person is just v tasty to me.

#honeybee rambles

34 notes · View notes

nia-journals · 2 years

Text

heartbreak high rant - spoilers ahead

let me just start off by saying I absolutely love this show (have watched it twice already) and I cannot wait for season 2.

- this show is one of the rare ocassions where i adore the main character so fucking much - amerie is the main girlie of the main girlies.

- i love malakai and thats besides is charming smile and good looks. i think he's genuinely a very likable character and we also get to see his vulnerable side/insecurities and difficulties and i love that despite everything he's still a good guy.

- don't know if this is deemed unpopular but im my humble opinion dusty and harper were a good couple UNTIL they did what they did to malakai.. i do think they took advantage of him and honestly after that i could not stand to look at them at all.

- harper shouldve also eventually been held accountable for the map.

- i cannot lie and say i have any love for harper (in the beginning she was so annoying and did many fucked up things) but i do feel bad for what she went through with those boys and her father and i am glad she was finally able to open up and rekindle her friendship w amerie.

- spider should have stayed the way they depict him in the last episode cause he was sweet to amerie but I GUESS what happened in amerie's room was a punch at his ego so he started acting like a little bitch baby.

- CASH MY DEAR SWEET CHILD CASH!!! i want no hate towards this man or nothing had to ever happen to him. love him w my entire heart.

- cannot wait for more darren and cash in season 2 and i hope they can communicate more about they want, cash being ace and eachothers feelings.

- FUCK SASHA AND I HOPE QUINNI DOES NOT GIVE HER BITCH ASS ANOTHER CHANCE BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT DESERVE IT.

- i love quinni and daren's friendship so much. they are literally platonic soulmates.

- i feel bad for darren and their family situation - i feel like their parents should be there for them and show them that they care and shower them with the love they deserve!

- BACK TO THIS BITCH DUSTY. I LITERALLY CANNOT STAND HIM AND HIS COMMUNITY DICK HAVING ASS AT ALL.

- we need more of cash's nan in season 2 as well.

- the comedy and comedic timing in this show are golden and i found myself actually laughing as opposed to cringing as i usually do with shows that are geared towards gen z.

- ant i love him and he's funny but he needs better friends! lets get him on the malakai train and he can dump spider.

- OR we can get spider and ant less platonic more romantic iykyk (the scene in the office during the protest).

- for now though, i feel like amerie and malakai should stick to being friends, don't get me wrong i ship them but i think some space is what they need for now.

- MS. JOJO IS THE BEST UGH LOVE HER.

- did i mention i CANNOT stand dusty?

- srsly i cant.

- can we get malakai exploring his sexuality a bit more. thanks.

- missy's brother jai is an angel and i just wanna hug him.

- cash pls also drop your eshay friends!

- that's it? yea i think!

544 notes · View notes

whateverisbeautiful · 8 months

Text

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#19: This Is Good (S6E15)

I mean...do I even need to explain? 😏 I always love this scene for its relaxed, happy, and intimate vibes and for really solidifying that all the romantic sexual tension Rick and Michonne had pre-canon would play out just as perfectly once they could finally act on it and be in love out loud. They do intimacy so well and naturally. The best word to describe this scene is straight-up sensual. And as they let themselves be fully immersed in their Richonne bubble in this scene, I truly believed what they believed - the world is theirs...

I didn’t realize how much opening minutes really used to be blessing us in this series. Cuz in 6.15 we get to see Rick and Michonne cuddled up again for the first time since their canon ep.

And I love that after seeing some couple-y moments with Glenn and Maggie and Abe and Sasha in this episode opener, we get this scene that reminds you there are some powerhouse newlyweds a part of this TWD couple list now. Won’t He do it! 😊

The scene opens with Judith on the baby monitor, which lets you know this is the bedroom of her parents. Plus the baby monitor made an appearance in Rick and Michonne's 6.10 canon moment as well so it sorta connects the two scenes in a way. And their family truly feels so whole now that Rick and Michonne have embraced that they’re meant to be.

I adore the way they're wrapped up in each other, and Michonne’s smile, and the way Rick's kissing her shoulder and like being as close to her as possible. 😍 They just both seem so genuinely content. And even half asleep they can’t keep their hands off each other lol. When I tell you these two are magnets - all you have to do is watch their body language in this scene to know it’s true. 🧲

And then Michonne takes that apple and bites it, and I love the subtle expression Rick makes when she does that. And then this show said, if y'alls' glasses somehow ain't fogged up yet then let’s just keep serving steaminess and have Michonne feed Rick the apple lol. They're wild for putting this moment in, and I'm here for it. 😋

Just their breaths and laughs in this, I love that in this quiet moment, their love is so loud and clear. And the apple suggests two things - 1) Adam and Eve fall-of-man foreshadowing and 2) that they are the hottest couple in all of television. 🔥👌🏽

It’s additional perfection when she runs her hands through his hair, and he immediately goes back to wrapping her in his arms. Um every second of this scene is a blessing. 😍 And of course Rick kisses her again, and the way she rubs his hand that’s holding the apple...Cup runneth over, y’all. It’s so great how natural and comfortable they are to be like this so soon after making their feelings for each other known.

It really does go to show that now they get to do what they've always wanted to do.

Like this feels like a whole passionate morning routine already and the married vibes are immaculate. It confirms how the physical aspect of this relationship was truly the final piece of their already perfect union. They’re happy and fed, and so are we. 😌

And in Rick’s first dialogue of the scene he says the only fitting thing to say on a blissful morning like this. “This is good.” And Michonne agrees it is and notes how Jesus came through. And did. Won’t he do it. 🙌🏾

Rick is really confident saying, "They all did, and they’re going to keep coming through." Homeboy is feeling really hopeful and confident during this period of the show and part of it is def cuz he’s now officially in a relationship with the baddest chick in the game. IJS. 😌

Michonne mentions how Maggie wants her and Glenn to set up watchpoints and Rick is in that lovely 'take a break' mood so he tells her to 'stick around.'

I love that it’s such a common theme for Rick to always want to extend his time with her. I repeat - the world can always wait when Rick is with Michonne.

It’s cute that part of his pitch for her to stick around is that 'Judith isn’t even up yet.' Mom and Dad, y’all. And then Rick really makes his pitch enticing when he starts kissing all over her and making her laugh. 😊

The way they can make each other smile and laugh like no other is the absolute best. (and Rick is more hungry for her than the apple ijs) I love that they’re so unabashed in expressing their love and desire for each other. And you know I’m always happy to see Rick and Michonne's playful side.

Like how great is it that we get to watch a couple that's so grown and mature while still having something youthfully energetic in their want for each other too. 🙌🏾

Michonne is disciplined like no other tho so she laughs and says, "wait no." Rick stops and looks at her asking, "yeah, why not?" in that fine voice and idk how Michonne remembered what she was saying with Rick over her like that lol. But, like I said, Sis is more disciplined than most so while her body language is certainly saying she'd love to stay in bed with him, she also wants to keep her commitment to Maggie and Glenn.

I love how she again runs her hands through Rick's hair while saying Maggie has them on a schedule and she doesn’t want to piss off a pregnant lady. And then Rick’s subtle pout. Every cute choice was made in this scene, I’m telling you. 🥰

Also I was like Michonne, sis, this is your chance to enjoy yourself and maybe even be a pregnant lady too, Maggie will understand lol. Like tell me Maggie wouldn't be like...

But Rick understands and doesn’t want to piss Maggie off either lol so he playfully tells her to go. It’s cute the way he says, "not that pregnant lady," and Michonne says, "right." Always in agreement.😊

And as we know, mornings like this blissful s6 one with Rick will have Michonne also one day being a pregnant lady who's nothing to mess with in the future. 👌🏽

(Side note: I’ve noticed every time Rick and Michonne have a scene chatting in bed together, the one person who comes up each time is Maggie. This scene in 6.15, the bedroom scene in the Sanctuary in 9.01, and their gorgeous bedroom scene in their home in 9.03. Rick and Michonne express care for Maggie's well-being every time, which is part of why it's so unfortunate that Maggie’s relationship with Rick and Michonne ended with a falling out. And the fact that all we know is something vague occurred and somehow Maggie and Michonne grew distant after Rick was gone. It's sad cuz they were shown to mean a lot to each other but then ended on a sour note.)

Rick says go and Michonne laughs as she starts to get up, and Rick again looks so rested and satisfied eating his apple and laying in bed. Michonne be giving that man life, y’all. 😊

Michonne notes that Maggie is worried about an attack and again Rick is confident saying when they come for us, not even "if," but "when," they’ll be ready. He’s extra confident saying this won’t be like before, and "the world's ours, and we know how to take it."

It’s sweet that Rick again takes his time to really reassure Michonne. It’s like he can sense that Michonne too might be having some concern about the looming fight, and so he’s so gentle but certain when he tells her everything they need is inside these walls and they aren’t losing any of it again.

I love that Rick feels they have everything they need, and I know he and Michonne having each other is very much included in that for him. And you can’t fully see it, but you can tell he comfortingly places his hand on her, really wanting her to know, “we’re not losing any of it again.”

And then I love how Rick says, "I’m not." Basically saying, trust me whatever is trying to take from us is going to have to go through me, and it won’t end well for them. And Michonne knows it too so I love the way she believes him and boosts him up saying, “No you’re not.”

She knows Rick is a fighter and a force to be reckoned with. It’s part of why she fell in love with him, and you can see that in this moment.

Also hearing Rick just eating the apple again lol, homeboy ain’t worried about no outside threats in this moment. He’s too busy on cloud nine. Having good fresh food, a strong community, a healthy family, and a goddess of a wife has Rick like...

And because she’s a fighter too, Michonne takes his hand and also says, "I’m not," cuz they’re cut from the same cloth, really and truly. And you just believe the two of them so much when they say this.

Even knowing Negan is coming, you just feel like ultimately he’ll be no match for Rick and Michonne because those two together are unstoppable. 💯

I love that they got this peaceful morning moment to just fully enjoy each other's presence and affirm to each other that what they have is good and not going anywhere. These at-home scenes always paint such a great picture of why Rick and Michonne make for the absolute best husband and wife.

And again, the sensuality of this whole scene is A1. In every inch of every frame. And I remember loving this scene back then but watching it back now it’s even more sensual and sweet than I remember. Like it’s so good from beginning to end and solidified that Rick and Michonne really do work perfectly as a couple. I love the way they talk to each other and so visibly want each other. I’ll say it 1000 times.

Two more cute moments I just want to note in this 6.15 ep are Rick ratting out Michonne and low-key himself too, when he reveals to Morgan that Michonne did steal that protein bar back in King County. Like he thinks he's telling on Michonne but also Rick,...

Cuz Rick stayed letting the world know he remembers pretty much every detail about Michonne. 😋 I love that Rick remembers so much from his first run with Michonne in Clear and then Morgan’s smile like 'oh I know your girl took it.' Also, I just love any time Andy and Lennie get to act together. Legendary talents. 👏🏽

And then I really love the Rick and Abe scene towards the end of the ep too. It’s one of the most heartfelt exchanges between two men on the show imo, and I like how Abe was the tf member who always most wanted the Richonne tea. He’s one of us lol.

It’s always heartwarming seeing Rick ask Abe specifically if Michonne is back yet. Like I’ve said before, some of Rick's Day Ones are out there, but of course, his wife is his utmost concern. And Abe is so compassionate when having to reveal that Michonne is still out there. It’s heartrending that Rick can’t even hide the concern he feels and wants Michonne back home.

I appreciate that Abe seems to notice this and wants to talk about love when asking Rick if he’s scared to go back to it and let someone in close. We know from the "rules keep changing" scene that letting someone in is big for Rick. So he pauses for a moment and answers "yeah" twice.

Abe brings some levity saying how he’s basically ready to blaze a path of his own (with Sasha 😊💜) even despite this world's penchant for taking things away. And Rick’s amused face at Abe is cute.

Then the way Rick stays standing at the gate, almost wanting to will Michonne home. So sweet. 😭

And extra sweet is Abe kindly saying, "any second now" to reassure Rick while he’s in this state of feeling off because Michonne's not okay somewhere, so even from afar, Rick's not entirely okay right now either.

Rick had been feeling so unshakeable all ep, but Michonne being out there while the looming threat of the Saviors is high shows that there are still things he worries about, and of course, Michonne and her safety are high on that list.

I love that despite the scary aspects of letting someone in, in that world especially, Rick and Michonne still dared to do so fully with one another. And because of it, they get to enjoy blissful mornings filled with love like this one here. It was giving newlyweds and married-for-years all at the same time, and I'm eternally here for it. 😌

#richonne #top 30 #number 19 #rick x michonne #twd 6.15 #reveling in richonne #twd towl #the ones who live

172 notes · View notes

ofdinosanddais1 · 5 months

Text

Heartbreak High Season 2 Spoilers

So... lots of shit happened in the finale.

1): I like that they're setting up a redemption for Sasha and Spider. Both have done such horrible things on complete opposite ends of the spectrum but it's nice to see they could have a path to growth.

2): For Spider, I'm hoping to see more of his home life. I am thinking his father abused both him and his mom and his mom had a traumatic response which made her fear men including her own son. I think she pushed him away when she should've helped him because that's her kid and he reacted in his own way. And that does not absolve him of his wrongdoings, it means he has to sort through this shit in order to grow and prevent further harm to others. I would love to see more discussion on that in the third season. I would love for Spider to have a retribution and closure arc not for his own wellbeing (although it's a factor) but because there are boys watching this show who might have experienced things like him who might want to know it's okay to feel emotions and to see the damage that his actions did to show that it's not a healthy thing to do and it hurts a lot of people. I said redemption arc because that's probably what the show is setting up for but I think "redemption" should be left ambiguously like he's trying to be better but his actions have lasting consequences on the people he's hurt and he will always be making up for that. Changing for other people is not about being seen as the good guy but doing your best to prevent further harm. It's a complicated thing to deal with but I think showing that complexity like they have before is so important for kids watching this show.

3): I would fucking adore to see a Sasha redemption arc mostly for my own experience with other people who behaved like her who never learned from their mistakes for treating me differently because I'm autistic. Some of y'all might not want a redemption arc for her but like, I would fucking love to see her apologize and acknowledge what she did wrong and show change. Even if it's hard to do at first because no one will be perfect on the first try. After the lack of a genuine apology from Sia and her actions to the autistic community and how she continues to victimize herself, I just really want an allistic person to apologize and do better and I think the set-up for that in season 3 is PERFECT. Hopefully, there's a way for Quinni to still be school captain with Sasha as her co-captain because I think a message of uplifting people in communities you are not a part of is an EXCELLENT message. Sasha could step back with being the leading voice in this and allow Quinni to be a voice in her life as being autistic. Then this could expand to Sasha stepping back and uplifting other people's voices and learn that activism is about bringing people together and allowing space to share ideas and not trying to call out every single action she thinks is wrong. Overall though, I don't want them back in a relationship. I think the captain/vice-captain friendship could be fucking GREAT.

4): My heart fucking hurts for Cash. During that whole episode where he was on that boat with Chook, I was so fucking scared it was gonna be a jumping out situation but I fucking hope Chook doesn't mess with Cash or Harper anymore. He fucking had a deal and I don't want any redemption for Chook whatsoever. Crime and recidivism reduction is a special interest of mine and I fucking hated that Cash was in that situation to begin with and it's a perfect example of how vulnerable people join gangs. I am so fucking elated that this show is doing a great job of representing crime, recidivism, and police brutality. I'll have to research the prison system in Australia because I wanna see the similarities between Australia and the US's prison system. But YES. NAIL ON HEAD. A lot of teenagers and children join gangs because they are vulnerable whether that be an abusive home life such as Cash being in a group home then in Chook's gang before his grandma brought him to her home. How your family, your friends, your loved ones are all in danger when you are trying to leave a gang. I'm so fucking relieved that hopefully Cash can be free. I don't trust Chook's word though and that stuff always haunts people who often have no choice. I just want him to be safe and loved and cared for. He deserves so much better.

5): Kinda disappointed that Harper and Amerie didn't have a conversation on how Harper treated her but I think I still like their arc. I don't think that they're in anyway on the best terms they could be but I think it's because that Amerie views relationships transactionally in the way that she thinks she has to give every cent of her self to make other people accept her and I wanna see more of Amerie's story. For one, we know she has a sorta strict mom. For two, I've never seen anything about her dad. I'm wondering if there was an incident in her peer group in the earlier days or a situation in her home life where she feels like she constantly has to give 200% just to feel like she deserves even 5% of something. I really want the showrunners to tackle that kind of stuff in the third season. I want Harper and Amerie to have some kind of realization that their friendship is more complicated and I want Amerie to just have a god damn break for once. Have like a filler episode or gods just a fucking nap. I want Amerie to get like a cold where Harper or Darren or someone just helps her out while a bunch of crazy shit happens at school. Give my girl a break.

6): I fucking hate Rowan. He's manipulative but also traumatized. BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW GREAT SAM RECHNER DID PORTRAYING HIM??? It's like he woke up one day as Rowan like his acting was fucking PHENOMENAL. If Rowan is in the third season, I'm not going to be mad because I fucking love Sam Rechner's portrayal of a teenager that is aggressive and touchy and just... how tf do I put this... a sort of trauma-touched angry that is not the typical portrayal of "I'm angry because I'm traumatized" but just representative of people who are like him if that makes any fucking sense??? Idk how to describe his attitude and mannerisms because there us definitely trauma laced with his actions but you can also tell through his backstory that this shit didn't start with his trauma or at least not the one we saw in the beginning. It's kinda like the signs of a serial killer but (hopefully) those signs are recognized and he is placed in a treatment that can focus on protecting himself and others. I don't think his behaviors will go away and I would not be surprised if he's not in the second season because he was institutionalized because that seems like a natural progression.

It's weird to talk about Rowan because there are signs that his trauma has influence on his behavior but is not the sole cause of his behavior. I don't want to put some kind of diagnostic label on him and I encourage everyone else to also not put a diagnostic label on him because I think most people watching (including myself) have the psychological knowledge to put a label on him without demonizing other mental illnesses because I see a lot of behaviors that can be attributed to some psychological problems but I'm not educated enough to talk about that without demonizing people with those mental illnesses who act so far from his other behaviors. So, I don't recommend other people putting a label on him because, even with good intentions, there are people who would want to use Rowan as a reason to demonize real life mentally ill people. But, I do not fucking like him as a person. I love the characterization. But fuck him to the sun, man. He was manipulative of Amerie and he was trying to forget Amerie but his thoughts did result in harmful actions and I think the best retribution would be deep psychiatric help but knowing the mental health industry, the kind of help he needs does not currently exist and that fucking sucks. If he is in the next season, I'm not going to complain because holy fuck I loved the character in the realm of his writing like the writer room for Heartbreak High deserves a fucking award.

Overall, my thoughts on the season were that I love how complicated everyone is. The characters feel like actual people that exist in real life. They feel loved and cared for and I hope netflix greenlights a third season. I've seen a LOT of people recently who hadn't watched the first season come out but got a netflix account specifically to watch Heartbreak High and that kind of thing is what netflix WANTS so I'm a little more hopeful that a third season might get greenlit. I'm excited to see what the showrunners do next.

Again, gonna say that, whatever behaviors that Rowan has that can be attributed to certain mental health disorders, let's just consider what fuel we're adding to the fire.

And because some people did this, remember that the actors are not the characters. A lot of people bullied Gemma for Sasha's actions but Gemma is the actor playing Sasha, she is not actually Sasha. She did a fantastic job so it might be confusing but she is not Sasha and does not deserve the hate she gets for her wonderful portrayal. This goes for EVERY actor.

#god i fucking love this show #heartbreak high #heartbreak high spoilers #heartbreak high season 2 spoilers #heartbreak high season 2 #phenomenal fucking job

34 notes · View notes