#and Neil says that that’s sirs spot (or kings I can’t remember) and that’s how tfc ends in my brain

[foxgloveinspace]

Being ADHD and bored is the worst, cause your brain convinces you everything is horrible and that you'll never be happy again, and then on top of being bored I've also been overstimulated, so these past few days have just been: I don't want to be around people, I'm bored, I will never be happy again, I can't even do anything to pick myself up from being bored, and make myself happy again.

To combat that I listened to a lot of new to me music today, heres a song dump from the day, some new to me, some old favorites:

[palmettofoxden]

Hi Vanessa it's @thatbastardsportexy (abby) (don't want to drag my main into this y'know?) and today I have been extra emo about stickball and the stickball children and also about a whole load of other fandoms. And then I decided to watch sad YouTube videos. So could you please write something to destroy what few emotions I have left? It's been a day for suffering so let's just do it. Maybe some angsty kevin day is drinking and alone when he goes pro feels? Idk, whatever you do will be A+ :)

I hope you’re all ready for some Andrew misses the monsters and is alone in his and Neil’s apartment because their schedules don’t match up pain!!!!

@thatbastardsportexy

Andrew, Kevin, and Neil are all on separate teams

Andrew hasn’t seen any of the monsters in too long

He hasn’t seen Kevin in over a month and even then, that was only when their teams played each other

Aaron lives somewhere else with Katelyn and is constantly working at the hospital, sleeping, or cramming in time with Katelyn between their shifts

Nicky lives in a completely different fucking timezone

He hasn’t seen Neil in almost two weeks because of their stupid fucking schedules not matching up

So, Andrew is alone in their apartment with the cats for days

And his days become exy practice and games and sitting around bored out of his mind

Because there is nothing to do and the apartment is too quiet and sometimes even the cats ignore him

But at least that is better than when they stand there and scream at him like it his fault Neil isn’t there

He isn’t happy about it either

And the cats share Neil’s pillow at night and look like they’re waiting for him to come home

Andrew and Neil have barely even talked because they’ve mostly just been playing phone tag for 10 days because Neil fucking sucks at charging his phone

And remembering to turn the fucking volume back on after games

Andrew watches Neil’s games after he gets back from his own

And he even gets so bored that he watches Kevin’s

Not that he would ever fucking admit that

He used to be good at being alone

He used to thrive on it

But now he’s all alone and he’s gotten too used to Neil and he hates how he misses him

And he hates how he wishes Nicky was here to fill the silence with pointless chatter

And he hates how he’d even take Kevin’s exy talk at this point

And he hasn’t even so much as gotten a text from Aaron in over 2 months and he hates it, but he’s been waiting for Aaron to text first

Just like he lets Kevin call him first or else he doesn’t talk to Kevin

And it’s up to Nicky to Skype him or Neil or else Andrew won’t talk to him

Because he refuses to act desperate and chase after them

If they give a shit about him, then they’ll call him

And if not, then he’s not going to act all pathetic and become the burden they pity talk to

But he gets so fucking bored and okay, fine, he’s lonely

Not that he is ever going to admit that

So, he tries calling Neil and big surprise, it goes right to voicemail

Because he probably forgot to charge his phone again

Andrew leaves him a quick “Charge your fucking phone” voicemail and then hangs up

He tries calling Kevin, figuring he can just taunt Kevin about the point gap in his last game and then Kevin will talk and Andrew won’t have to say anything else or explain why he called

But Kevin doesn’t answer either and Andrew is starting to get insulted

He tries to convince himself he doesn’t care

But he still wonders if Kevin purposely didn’t answer his call

He brushes it off though

Maybe Kevin’s just over practicing for a change

After all, he faces Neil’s team next game

And he’s probably trying to get some last minute extra practice the night before

On top of all the other extra practice he’s probably been doing for weeks, knowing Kevin

But then Andrew tries Skyping Nicky

And there’s no answer

Andrew is getting annoyed

He gets up and stalks off angrily to look for the cats, but Sir’s hidden under the bed

And when he picks up King, King scratches the shit out of him and then escapes to join Sir under the bed

“Fuck you. I didn’t want your attention anyway.”

Andrew goes back to the living room and sits down on the couch and stares at his phone for a few minutes before he finally picks it up and texts Aaron

He asks if Aaron owns a new video game that Andrew bought a couple weeks earlier and asks if Aaron wants to play it

Aaron doesn’t answer for a long time

Andrew is livid

How dare Aaron not even fucking answer when he went out of his way to reach out to him?

Andrew puts on the stupid food network and half watches people screw up on cooking shows

He doesn’t necessarily enjoy the shows, but he doesn’t care enough to change the channel

He just doesn’t want it to be so damn quiet

Almost three hours later, Andrew’s phone buzzes and he checks the text way too fast

Aaron says he just got off a double shift and he needs sleep

Andrew considers throwing his phone across the room

He grabs the secret expensive cat treats Neil thinks Andrew doesn’t know he bought and goes back into the bedroom

He lures the cats out from under the bed and to the living room with the treats so they will sit on the couch with him

They curl up together in the spot next to him and fall asleep

So, after all his effort, they can’t even be bothered to stay awake and entertain him

He tries calling Neil again, thinking maybe he’ll have found a fucking phone charger by now, but it goes straight to voicemail again

Andrew hangs up without leaving a message this time

And he starts thinking about how Neil is too busy to even find a phone charger to answer his call

And how Kevin has moved on to his new stupid team and doesn’t have time to even take a call from Andrew anymore

And how Aaron never fucking texts him and didn’t even have enough time to answer if he had the game or not, let alone to play online with Andrew

And how even Nicky isn’t taking his fucking calls and never called him back

And he’s pretty sure Neil talks to Kevin and Nicky more than he does

And he isn’t a necessary part of their group anymore

They don’t even have a group anymore

It’s just Andrew and Neil and even Neil is too busy with exy and Andrew’s all alone and unimportant and it just hits him all at once and there’s nothing there to distract him from it

It’s too early to go to bed, but Andrew turns the tv off and goes to bed anyway because there’s no point in being awake and clearly no one’s calling him back anyway

He still brings his phone with him and leaves it next to the bed though just in case Neil calls

Andrew is supposed to go to practice the next morning, but he sleeps in and wakes up to his phone ringing

He thinks it might be Neil, so he instantly answers the phone, but it’s just his coach reaming him out for being late for practice

And Andrew doesn’t have the energy to deal with this, so he claims he’s too sick to play

And technically, it isn’t a lie

He knows if Bee was there, she’d tell him that mental illness is just as valid of a reason to have bad days and days where he needs to stay home as physical illness is

She’d also probably tell him the exercise might do him some good, but he’s in the mood to pick and choose what advice suits his agenda

And right now he can’t stand the idea of making himself get up and deal with his stupid fucking team and stupid fucking exy

Neil plugs his phone in before his game against Kevin so that it’ll be charged enough to turn on after so he can try and catch Andrew after his game

And so he can check the results of Andrew’s game to see how he did

Neil’s team loses to Kevin’s and Neil showers and changes while dreading how smug Kevin is going to be about this

He finishes in the locker room and turns his phone on to try to call Andrew before he leaves

He has two missed calls from Andrew and one voicemail from him

And about thirty missed texts from Nicky

Neil isn’t worried until he sees that he has a missed text from Aaron and one from Kevin

Aaron never texts him and he just played against Kevin

But he ignores the hammering in his chest and thinks maybe Kevin is just rubbing the victory in as soon as possible

Maybe, Aaron thinks it is funny that he lost to Kevin?

But then Neil checks the messages and Aaron and Kevin are both asking why Andrew didn’t play

And about ten of the most recent texts from Nicky are him asking why Andrew didn’t play with about a hundred question marks

Neil feels like he’s going to throw up

He dials Andrew’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail

He tries again anyways and it still goes to voicemail

Nicky is still texting him

Neil checks his voicemail from Andrew, but it is just a day old message of Andrew telling him to charge his phone

Neil leaves the locker room and finds Kevin waiting for him outside

Kevin takes one look at him and says “You didn’t know.”

Neil says Andrew isn’t answering and he thinks his phone is off

Kevin tells him that according to Andrew’s coach, he sat out for health reasons

Neil is so worried and feels so guilty for not charging his phone earlier

But he forgot his stupid charger in his bag with his equipment

He should have just gone and bought another one

Now Andrew was out for health reasons and everyone was looking to Neil for answers and Neil didn’t even know what had happened to Andrew

Nicky will not stop texting him

He gets another one from Aaron asking “What does health reasons mean?”

And Aaron must have told Nicky what he heard because a second later, Nicky switches to asking if Andrew is sick or injured or what and he’s threatening to fly in from Germany and he is clearly getting annoyed that Neil isn’t answering

Neil sends one text to both of them “I don’t know what it means. I just found out he didn’t play and he isn’t answering his phone.”

Nicky says someone better tell him what the hell is going on because he’s going to start looking at plane tickets pretty soon

Aaron is closest, but it’ll still take a couple of hours to drive there

He just got off a double shift and is tired as fuck and Katelyn is supposed to be going into work, but Aaron says he’s going to drive to Andrew and Neil’s apartment and try to figure out what the fuck is going on

Katelyn manages to get her shift switched so that she can drive Aaron and he can sleep in the car on the way

But he can’t actually sleep when he is worried about Andrew and Neil and Nicky and Kevin won’t stop texting him, so he just lies with his head against the passenger window and watches the texts keep coming in, even though not one of them is news about what is going on with Andrew

Neil and Kevin went straight from the stadium to the airport to find the flight that will get them back the fastest and they keep Aaron and Nicky posted on that up until they got on the plane and check in to see how close Aaron is

Nicky feels helpless in Germany and is so tempted to book a flight, but Erik talks him into waiting to see if Andrew is okay first because the others will get to him way earlier

And Nicky does not want to be on a plane and miss updates when they finally come

Aaron and Katelyn make it to the apartment building and Aaron texts the others that he’s at the building

Nicky immediately starts texting a hundred questions

Neil and Kevin are on the plane, so they don’t see the texts yet

They manage to get in the building pretty easily because someone going in has seen Andrew around the building and doesn’t question it when Aaron asks them to hold the door

Getting into the actual apartment is another story

Aaron pounds on the door, but there’s nothing

So he pounds louder and shouts “Andrew, open the fucking door! I didn’t drive two fucking hours for you to ignore me!”

Andrew wakes up in a blanket burrito in his bed to the sound of pounding at the door and Aaron screaming and he is confused and annoyed

He pushes Sir off of him and nearly trips over King on his way across the bedroom

“I’m not fucking leaving until you open the fucking door, asshole!”

Andrew opens the door and nearly gets kicked in the chest

Aaron is so surprised by the door suddenly flying open that he half falls into the apartment

Andrew looks at him unimpressed and says “You weren’t really going to kick my door in?”

And Aaron’s like “Well if you would answer your fucking phone or door I wouldn’t have to.”

And Andrew says “Didn’t anyone teach you to pick a lock?”

Which, no, no one did

Maybe Andrew should have, but he didn’t want Aaron using the knowledge against him

Aaron’s phone will not stop dinging from Nicky’s messages

Andrew glances from Aaron to Katelyn and then back at Aaron and asks “What are you doing here?”

Aaron points out “You sat out the game for mysterious health reasons you couldn’t even be bothered to tell Neil about and then stopped answering your phone.”

Andrew glances over at the clock with vague interest and sees that it is late at night and he definitely slept through the night’s exy games

He walks out of the room and Aaron is indignant at how he drove all this way instead of sleeping and Andrew can’t even be bothered to respond to him

Aaron follows him and insists “Nicky’s threatening to fly here. He’s been texting me non-stop for almost four hours. You better call him and explain what the fuck is going on. What the fuck is going on anyway?”

Katelyn trails a little behind Aaron

Andrew responds “I wasn’t in the mood for hitting a ball with a stick.”

He picks his phone up from beside the bed and tries to check his messages, but the screen won’t turn on so he says “I guess it died”

Andrew isn’t exactly surprised that it died and he isn’t sure how long it has been dead for

He hasn’t had the energy to look at it since his coach’s call that morning

Aaron is beyond annoyed that Andrew put them through this because he didn’t feel like playing and couldn’t be bothered to plug his fucking phone in

But he is also so relieved that Andrew is alright

Andrew takes his phone and charger to the living room and plugs it in

Aaron texts Nicky, Kevin, and Neil that Andrew’s fine and his phone was dead while Andrew waits for his phone to turn back on

Aaron tells him Kevin and Neil are on a plane on their way there

Andrew’s phone turns on and fills with notifications about texts and missed calls and voicemails

He grabs Neil’s laptop and calls Nicky on Skype and puts it on the table

Nicky answers immediately and looks super fucking concerned still and like this has taken five years off of his life

Erik is sitting right beside him and smiles at the sight of Andrew

Andrew says “I’m alive, Nicky. Calm the fuck down.”

It’s too early in the morning for Nicky and Erik to be up and clearly, they’ve been up for hours and they stay on Skype to talk to them

And Nicky warns Andrew to never do that again and that he and Neil can’t both walk around with dead phones

And Nicky does most of the talking while Andrew just sits there and listens and they are all overreacting so much and Andrew can’t quite make himself be annoyed by it

Because Aaron looks like fucking shit, but he came here for him

And Erik brings coffee for him and Nicky, but they both look so tired and Nicky is overkill lecturing Andrew, but Andrew has kind of missed the way Nicky can talk a topic to death

And they knew he wasn’t playing

They noticed

They actually went to watch the night’s exy games

And not just the Neil vs. Kevin one

And Andrew feels a little less totally on the fucking outs

Because it’s hard to feel like they totally don’t give a shit about him when he’s got Nicky on Skype and Aaron there in person

And Kevin and Neil are on the way

And he isn’t even quite as annoyed as usual with Katelyn because she is here because Aaron showed up for Andrew

Eventually, Nicky and Erik set Nicky’s laptop down on the kitchen counter and stop talking for a few minutes to make breakfast because they are starving, but they don’t want to hang up

And Andrew, Aaron, and Katelyn are left sitting there listening to the sounds of Nicky and Erik’s kitchen

And then Aaron asks if Andrew has the game he texted him about

And the twins play the game while Katelyn watches because it is easier for them than talking

And they point the laptop at the tv screen so Nicky can see who is winning while he eats

Kevin and Neil are still worried, despite Aaron’s brief text

Neil is more worried than Kevin, but they are both concerned

The fact that even if Andrew really is okay, he is alone with Aaron and Katelyn does not make Neil any less worried

And Andrew still hasn’t called Neil again and Nicky and Aaron have stopped texting altogether

And Neil tries texting Aaron but gets no response because Aaron is too busy playing video games and between the video game volume, Nicky shouting advice, and Aaron swearing at the tv, it’s a little loud to hear Aaron’s phone

Kevin and Neil rush to Andrew and Neil’s apartment

When they get there, Neil throws the door open to find Andrew and Aaron playing video games with Nicky cheering them on over Skype while Katelyn brings a couple cups of coffee for her and Aaron from the kitchen

And Neil has no idea what he was expecting to find, but he knows this wasn’t it

As soon as Kevin is sure Andrew is okay, he goes to the kitchen in search of alcohol

It’s already late and they’re all there anyway, so they all stay up for a while drinking and playing video games (and Nicky joins in the games online)

They all stay the night at Andrew and Neil’s apartment (except obviously, Erik and Nicky, although they keep the party going over Skype)

And Andrew wakes up in the morning annoyed by how over-crowded his bed is with Neil and King and Sir

And by how over-crowded his apartment is so that he can hardly get to the kitchen past the bodies sleeping on his floor

But he doesn’t feel alone anymore, at least for the moment

[stellamai]

Neil's Halloween debacle

It’s me, back with another ridiculous ficlet. You can blame Una for this one. She reached the point in The Raven King (can you believe she’s taken about a month to get here) where Nicky tells Neil not to trust him to pick a Halloween costume because he’ll “probably dress [him] as a French maid or something,” and immediately requested ((read: demanded)) a ficlet in which Nicky does just that. So, here it is. Rather than doing a canon-divergent situation, I wrote something that’s set a way into the future where everyone is happy. Also, Andreil’s cats feature, in Halloween costumes no less, because obviously I had to get them in somewhere. You’re ... welcome?

“So, Neil,” asks Nicky airily, his voice crackling slightly through the phone. “What are you planning on wearing for Halloween? Are you and Andrew coordinating outfits?” Neil glances at Andrew who, as usual, isn’t paying the slightest bit of attention, more preoccupied with trying to scoop rapidly-melting ice cream onto a wafer of insufficient structural integrity. An autumn breeze does nothing to disturb the sodden leaf piles outside, and a light drizzle patters against the large windows of the diner. Neil would wonder at Andrew’s food choice if he didn’t know him so well. “I don’t know,” replies Neil eventually, gaze still stuck on Andrew’s ice cream. Andrew freezes for a second, eyes flicking to Neil before he stuffs the wafer in his mouth. He pushes the bowl towards Neil slightly, eyebrow raised slightly in question, and Neil shakes his head in response, grinning slightly as he turns his attention back to Nicky. “We haven’t talked about it.” Andrew narrows his eyes momentarily before deciding the conversation isn’t worth his time and going back to his sundae. Beside him sit Kevin and Thea, who have been conversing in hushed tones since practice ended. The last Neil was able to pick up, they were discussing the US Court lineup for the Olympics qualifying matches; he highly doubts that Nicky’s Halloween plans will be of any consequence to them right now. Neil himself has half a mind to hang up the phone and join their conversation. He has a few ideas on which backliners should be working with Andrew if they want an airtight defence line. “How about you let me sort something out?” asks Nicky, and Neil doesn’t like his tone of voice. It may be the distortion, but he sounds suspiciously sly. “Andrew won’t go for that.” “Just for you, then.” Neil sighs. Nicky’s not going to back down in a hurry, and he’d rather not be on the phone for hours. “Okay, fine.” Nicky emits a delighted sound that Neil can’t describe as anything other than a squeal. “I can’t wait. Our first Halloween in Berlin together. It’s going to be so much fun. I’ve been getting Erik to help plan our route for the evening. He says there’s a bar that serves eyeballs in all their drinks on Halloween. I mean, I don’t think they’re real eyeballs -” “Can’t wait, Nicky,” interjects Neil, mindful of Andrew’s now-empty bowl and Kevin’s itch to spend as much time on the court as possible before he’s torn away from it for a long weekend. “We’ll see you in a few days.” “Bis dann! I’ll have an incredible costume waiting,” sings Nicky, and the line clicks dead. 

“Incredible costume,” deadpans a jet-lagged Neil, staring at the lump of fabric on the bed. “That’s what you said.” “And?” asks Nicky. “What do you think?” Neil redirects his stare, watching Nicky shrink slightly under its intensity. It only makes him feel mildly better. “In what universe is a maid’s outfit an incredible costume?” asks Neil. “It’s unoriginal, for one thing.” “I seem to remember,” says Andrew flatly, bored stare sliding between the two of them, “on your first Halloween with us, Nicky warned you that if you let him pick your costume, he’d dress you as a French maid.” Neil stares. “And you didn’t think to remind me of this sooner?” Andrew tilts his head slightly. “You didn’t ask.” “I wouldn’t think to,” groans Neil. “You’re the one with the eidetic memory.” “Come on, Neil,” whines Nicky, although his gaze is sharp. He always perks up whenever Neil and Andrew bicker or show affection or anything else he considers part of a ‘normal relationship’, Neil has noticed. “I even got you one with a high collar to cover up -” He gestures to his collar bones. “You know.” “Yeah,” says Neil with a sigh, feeling his scars itch with phantom pain. “Thanks.” “It’s not like you prepared a back-up,” chips in Andrew helpfully. Neil glares at him for the betrayal, but has to admit he has a point.

“Fine,” says Neil, snatching up the costume. It’s actually not too bad; the skirt is short but most of his torso will be covered, and he can still wear his armbands. 

He remembers his first Halloween with the Foxes - remembers thinking it was childish. Since then, he’s learnt the meaning of family, and can’t think of anyone he’d rather parade around Berlin in fancy dress with. Even if most of them are international Exy champions. He’s got used to having his face out there now, but hopefully the streets will be too full of people in costumes for anyone with a camera to get a good look at him. His personal life has been the focus of enough headlines to last a lifetime, and he’s not even out of his twenties. “Now, get some sleep,” says Nicky. “Or the jet lag will be killing you when we go out. Erik’s got plans to last us until at least four in the morning.” Neil glances at the midday sun dubiously as it breaks through the Autumn haze, but Nicky’s gone before he can protest. Kevin had fallen asleep the minute they arrived; Neil’s not surprised, considering how much he drank on the plane. Andrew had also picked up a bottle or two at Duty Free on Kevin's behalf, the contents of which had not-so-mysteriously vanished by the time they reached Nicky and Erik’s apartment. “Maybe the alcohol was a good decision after all,” says Neil with a sigh. “I’m envying Kevin right about now.” “What?” asks Andrew flatly. “Did you want him complaining about how much he misses his precious court for the entire journey?” Neil pretends to consider it, just to spite the short blond. In truth, although Andrew’s plane jitters don’t make him the most entertaining travel companion for a long-haul flight, Neil much prefers the silence to Kevin’s whinging. He’ll talk about Exy for hours under normal circumstances, but listening to Kevin complain about how they shouldn’t be leaving the court for so long - how will they keep up with their training? Their meal plans? Maybe they should have brought their practice racquets, just in case - would grate on anyone’s nerves. Besides, Neil can still find himself lost in admiring Andrew’s features after all this time, and Andrew doesn’t protest when Neil regales him with stories about anything and everything when they’re forty-thousand feet above the Atlantic. Sometimes, Andrew will clasp Neil’s hand instead of the arm rest, and Neil can feel the man’s heart rate become steadily calmer where it thrums against his wrist. “Junkie,” scoffs Andrew as he turns to leave the room, presumably to find his suitcase where they’d dumped them all by the front door on arrival. Neil only smiles. He can hear Nicky’s excited tones outside again as he greets Aaron and Katelyn, and Neil goes to watch as Andrew spares his twin a cursory glance before retreating back up the stairs again. Katelyn spots Neil at the banisters and waves, and he nods in response. She’s pregnant, he notes, and wonders if Andrew had known before now. Probably, seeing as he and Aaron talk on the phone almost every week these days, but he hasn’t mentioned it. It’s unlikely that he cares; the civility of his relationship with his twin has merely switched his opinion of Katelyn from distain to apathy. He keeps a photo from her and Aaron’s wedding day above the mantelpiece among countless postcards from Renee and various pictures of the cats along with a couple of Neil and Robin, but that’s the only acknowledgement of her existence that he makes. Neil thinks even that wouldn’t have happened without Renee’s gentle pushing; she was the one who got the photo framed. Neil shakes the thoughts from his head as the tiredness finally hits him; he’s not in the mood to play peacekeeper in Renee’s absence. He’ll worry about the twins when he’s had a nap and at least two cups of coffee. 

Neil’s startled awake by Nicky screeching at Andrew about cats. He groans and rolls over, stretching out a hand to turn his phone on, and is rewarded by the presence of fifty new messages in the Foxes’ group chat. Most of them are pictures sent by Robin, who’s cat-sitting for the weekend, of Sir and King dressed up for Halloween. She’s managed to fit Sir into an entire pumpkin outfit, and the orange sits strikingly against his grey fur. Amazingly, she’s even succeeded in affixing some fairy wings to King, apparently without getting mauled. Neil’s impressed. Even Renee’s sustained a scratch or two from King Fluffkins. It’s a surprise for Andrew too, apparently, as his response is simply: ‘if she murders you in your sleep, I will not be held responsible.’ Nicky’s reply to each new picture is just an incoherent string of capital letters. From what Neil can still hear from downstairs, his verbal response isn’t much better. Neil can tell the exact moment Andrew loses his patience, because Nicky’s shouts cut off with an abrupt squeak. “Did Nicky wake you?” asks Andrew when Neil appears downstairs a few minutes later. He’s already got a full coffee mug in hand, which he passes to Neil. Neil nods and tries unsuccessfully to smother a yawn as he accepts the mug gratefully. “Yeah, but it’s fine. I wasn’t planning on sleeping for long.”  Andrew disappears, and a second later there’s another distinct yelp from the direction of the kitchen. Neil rolls his eyes at Andrew when he returns, but he just stares blankly back in response. Neil thinks about insisting that he’s fine, but decides he’d like to keep his head today, despite it being Halloween. “Is Kevin up?” he asks instead, and Andrew turns away silently to go and check.  When they’re all gathered in the kitchen, Nicky shows up again, Erik, Aaron and Katelyn in tow. They’re all in costume, and Nicky orders the others to their rooms to get changed. Kevin’s sleeping on the sofa downstairs, so he claims the bathroom. Neil stares at his costume for a second then sighs, pulling it on determinedly. He supposes blending in was something he gave up on long ago anyway. He considers using the brown contacts that he still keeps tucked in his wallet - he doesn’t need them anymore, but having them there is a reminder of how much he has to lose - but Andrew sees him looking and tucks the wallet out of sight into his own pocket. “It’s not like you can carry it,” he says, eyeing Neil’s costume with a carefully blank stare. Neil shrugs and regards Andrew’s own costume with a raised brow. “How unoriginal.” Andrew looks pointedly at Neil’s maid outfit and turns to leave, his devil tail swinging behind him. Neil grins and follows him. He doesn't care how many pictures are posted online tonight, he decides, and if closed-minded people want to mock him for it, that’s none of his concern. He got used to that after he went public about his sexuality. Apparently, demisexual is a bit too far a reach for many people still opening up to the idea of there existing any sexuality other than hetero. Nevertheless, he’s stopped pretending their opinions matter to him, or have any impact on his self-worth. It’s Halloween, and he’s going to go out and have a great night. Ten years ago he wouldn’t have even dreamed he’d ever be going out like this with people he cared about - people he’d built a life with. People who are all currently outfitted in frankly ridiculous costumes. He’s surrounded by his family, and really, that’s all that matters.

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 13 – The Birth of Responsible Neil Josten

In which our favourite angsty runaway finally starts being useful, Andreil engage in some hot ab-touching, Wymack Knows™ things and I sense yet more Hufflepuffs dawning on the horizon.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

The enw chapter starts and already we have to witness shit that I am decidedly not liking:

Nicky being super fucking miserable.

           “We shouldn’t have come here,” Nicky said, sounding as wretched as he looked. (…) “What have I done?”

NOOOOOOOOO MY SUNSHINE SON

On the long, long list of why I fucking hate Drake’s guts, “He made Nicky sad” is one point I am especially angry about having to add.

You know, apart from all the obvious fuckery.

Thankfully, I can trust my man Josten to stop Nicky from sinking down further into the Guilt Depression Pit:

           “You didn’t do anything,” Neil said. (…) “You didn’t know this was going to happen. None of us did. If we’d known, we wouldn’t have come.”

That’s what I was bloody saying. Thank you, Sir Runaway Angst Lord, for finally agreeing with me on something.

Also where’s this sudden rush of being the voice of reason coming from?

           “It doesn’t make sense that Drake would come here. Higgins was here a month ago. Why wait so long, and why risk it? The police can track a cross-country plane ticket easily.”

That’s……. actually a very good point I had not considered before.

Why was Drake there? To “””make amends””” with his “””little brother””” (my toenails are rolling just typing that word), sure – but why now?

There’s more to this. WHAT IS IT.

No time to deal with this now – for now, we are dealing with Andrew getting sent on a nice lil vacation to Fun Anti-Mania Rehab.

           Kevin fixed Betsy with a stunned look. “It’s too early. What do you think you’re doing?”

           “The right thing,” Betsy said.

HELL YEAH SHE IS.

Bless Betsy Dobson for turning cliché action movie lines into lines that make me actually emotional.

           “Who will take care of Kevin if I’m gone? I can’t trust him wandering around here by himself, and Coach can’t be with him all the time. Kevin’s kind of a full-time job.” (…)

           “I’ll watch him,” Neil said.

BITCH WHAT.

           “What do you think you are saying? What are you trying to do?”

           “Take responsibility,” Neil said in German.

BITCH WHAT.

“VERANTWORTUNG ÜBERNEHMEN”, DIGGAH WAS.

I did not know you vocabulary even included that word.

Our boy??? Is finally starting to be responsible, adult and useful??? WHAT IS THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I AM WITNESSING.

           “If I was going to leave I would have done so at the banquet when Riko called me by my name,” Neil said. “I won’t lie and say I didn’t think about it, but I decided to stay. I trusted you more than I was scared of him. So trust me now if you can. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take care of Kevin until you return.”

Cause of death: This.

Responsible Neil, where did you suddenly come from?? And most importantly, how can we make sure you don’t transform back into Angsty and Dramatic Neil??

           “You lie, and lie, and lie, and you think I’ll trust you with his life?”

           “Then don’t tust ‘Neil’”, Neil said. “Trust me.”

           “Oh, but who are you? Do you have a name?”

           “If you need one, call me Abram.”

Oh my goooood.

Neil giving out his birth name (or parts of it) to Andrew just adds a whole ‘nother level of intimacy, rawness and seriousness to this exchange.

It also adds another level of I can’t fucking deal with this.

           With so many people watching them Neil couldn’t life his shirt. He did the next best thing and dragged one of Andrew’s hands under the hem. He pressed Andrew’s palm to the ugly scarring across his abdomen.

Touching!!!!!!!!! On his scars!!!!! Which no one has ever even seen!!!!! And Andrew gets to motherfucking touch them!!!! TOUCHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Andreil heart is having a fucking rave, you guys.

           “Do you understand?” Neil asked. “Nothing Riko does will make me leave him. We will both be here when you get back.”

IM FUCKNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember when I had huge Kevandreil feels way back in the beginning/middle of the first book? Remember that?? REMEMBER????

I’m still not set on whether I ship it romantically, sexually or just hardcore-platonically (although I’m leaning to the latter), but just – THE DYNAMICS, YOU GUYS.

You can always sign me the fuck up for a good triumvirate.

And of course, not even Andrew can say no to an offer when it comes in the form of some good ab-touching, and just like that, he leaves for rehab.

Godspeed, my manic murder kitten – please come back happier, healthier, yet hopefully just as full of sass. <3

There’s a little thing at the end of this exchange, though, that is quickly glossed over but that caught my attention, and that is Wymack being a perceptive bastard:

           “Hopefully hearing about all of this (…) will get [Aaron] moving, but who knows when it comes to those two? Speaking of unpredictable assholes, when did that happen?”

           “When did what?” Neil asked.

           Wymack eyes him. “Forget it.”

Is he……….. already hinting at Neil and Andrew having A Thing………….. Wymack Knows™.

Did I mention I love that guy recently? #dicksoutforperceptivebastards

           “What about the season?” Kevin asked. “What about Riko?”

           “What about Andrew? Attempt to think about someone and something else for just a moment there.”

DID I MENTION I LOVE THAT GUY RECENTLY. #dicksoutforcaringaboutandrew

           “Look,” Wymack said. “I know I’ve always told you all to take your personal problems up with Betsy or Abby. I’ve said it’s not my place to get into anything outside the court. I hope you’ve figured out by now that I’m just blowing hot air.”

Grumpy Fox Dad ily <33

Guess who’s back now – Aaron, fresh outta custody.

Guess who’s really emo and angry about the Andrew Situation – Aaron, back to being bitter and broody as per usual.

Guess who’s finally done taking his shit and starts dishing out some reason and sensibility in this mess – RESPONSIBLE NEIL FUCKING JOSTEN.

           “Are you at all sorry?” Neil asked. “You took his family away from him. (…) Do you think Cass will ever forgive Andrew?”

Fair point – I’m all for Drake being Not A Thing anymore, of course (although imo prison would have done the job better than, you know, murder), but there is no denying that Aaron made sure the only woman that ever came close to a mum for Andrew now hates him till forever, probably.

           “I don’t care about Cass or Drake or anyone. What Drake did – no. If I could bring him back from the dead and kill him again I would.”

           “Good,” Neil said quietly. “So now you understand why Andrew killed your mother.”

HOLY SHIT.

Holy shit he’s fucking RIGHT oh my god. I did not see this coming at all (and neither did Aaron) and I am SHITTING MYSELF.

           “You don’t know anything,” Aaron said.

           “I know you’ve got a couple weeks to think about it,” Neil said. “When Andrew comes back sober you’ll have to talk about this. You won’t get anywhere if you start with Drake, so you might as well start with your mother.”

Neil, I am just honestly so, so impressed with you right now.

Just – this. This exchange right there so, so fucking important. I can already see that this will help the twins greatly in finally becoming real siblings, and Neil was the one who made that happen.

It’s been said time and time again how Neil will be the one bringing the Foxes together, and every time I see it actually happening now I leap out of my skin in happiness.

And the key to all of that happening is the birth of Responsible Neil we are witnessing right now.

I want you guys to really, really get how amazing I find this new development. One thing that, in hindsight, really annoyed me about Neil in the first book was how fucking Dramatic, Angsty and Extra™ he was – and I know this made for some good jokes, but it honestly also annoyed me a lot. He was just so whiny. And I know it’s for good reason, but still – I just kept hoping he would one day pull his head out of his ass.

Breaking news: Our boy Neil’s head has now left his ass.

This scene, all these scenes are so amazing because: TFC-Neil wouldn’t have done this. TFC-Neil would have stood there uncomfortably, saying nothing and staring, dramatically contemplating his own angst and his own trauma and why he should run away now and how oh so fucking tragic his own life is.

TRK-Neil does not. TRK-Neil deals with problems other than his own, starts taking responsibility and gets out of his own fucking head for once.

TLDR: FUCK. YEAH.

The monsters (minus one) and the Fox Parents get back to Palmetto, where they’re all reunited with the rest of the team – which is not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be, since apparently the story is all over the news and no dramatic retellings are in order.

Also, apparently Matt’s mom bailed Aaron out of jail, as a ‘thank you’ for him helping Matt get clean. Neat!

           “We’re all Foxes. We are a team. What happens to one of us happens to all of us, and we’re going to get each other through this.” (…)

           If it wasn’t so terrible, it’d be brilliant. This was what Dan and Matt had been waiting for all semester: a catalyst to finally unite the team.

Have I mentioned how much I’m feels-nutting every time the Foxy Team Spirit gains some bonus points? Have I?? HAVE I????????

However, it’s not all fun and games (not that it ever was fun and games), as there is Serious Exy Trouble resulting from Andrew being gone:

           “If the ERC decides Andrew isn’t part of our line-up anymore, we’re beneath size regulations. They’ll strike us from the roster and our year is over. (…) Kevin is afraid.”

Dun dun dun duuuuuuuun. That’s a pretty shit situation you got there, mate.

           Neil fixed Kevin with a stony look. “Maybe if you’d stuck around a moment longer you’d understand why I don’t care anymore. When you came upstairs, did you hear mim laughing, Kevin? (…) So yes, even I would give up on this season. And after everything he’s done and every risk he’s taken for you, you’d better feel the same.”

MIKE FUCKING DROP.

With Neil gone, Kevin currently takes the top spot on the List of People Who Need To get Their Heads Out Of Their Own Angsty Ass.

           “Rhemann has taken our side. He offered to speak on our behalf if need be, and he’s helped reach out to the others.”

James Rhemann, apparently, is the coach for the USC Trojans – a team that is so fair and kind they never, ever got a single red card in their entire existence.

I am DELIGHTED. When do we meet those USC cinnamon puffs, give them to me NOW.

           “As of this morning, the vote across the Class I teams is almost unanimous,” Wymack said. “They want us to finish the season.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH.

           “I want one lap for every time you’ve ever said the NCAA’s never had your back.”

           “Oh, Jesus,” Nicky said. “We’ll be running all day.”

BAHAHAHAHA. I actually had to laugh so hard at that. Possibly because it’s the first time there is a reason for laughter in, like, three chapters.

But also possibly because it’s just unexpectedly really funny.

In summary: The Foxes get to play on, Andrew finally gets the help he needs and deserves, and Neil’s head gets a serious applause from me for being finally free of his ass.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3 

 One last note: New update will be out on Monday instead of Sunday because I’m gone all weekend – I’ll be at a cheerleading event with my friends! I can already hear myself going “That’s Katelyn” at every single cheerleader wearing orange. Wheee!

[stellamai]

Andrew’s pipe dreams are never as unattainable as he thinks (Andrew and Kids Part Five)

PART ONE; PART TWO; PART THREE; PART FOUR

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me,” says Andrew with a scowl on what had initially promised to be a lazy Friday morning, pulling on his shoes extra slowly out of spite. 

“Don’t be so melodramatic,” replies Neil, rolling his eyes. “It’s just lunch. They’ll have ice cream.”

Andrew gives him a flat look. “Neil, I’m thirty-three years old. Do you really think I can be persuaded to go somewhere because they’ll have ice cream?”

“Yes,” replies Neil simply. 

Andrew narrows his eyes, but goes to grab the car keys. “I’d better not regret this.”

“You once travelled five hundred miles with me because I promised you ice cream with unlimited sprinkles,” says Neil airily, tailing him to the door.

“No,” says Andrew firmly, turning to face him. “I travelled five hundred miles with you because it’s you.”

Neil’s entire being softens and Andrew can’t help but draw him close, leaning in to press a firm kiss to his upturned lips. Honesty has always been the foundation of their relationship, but sometimes he surprises himself with how much he can admit to Neil these days. 

“You didn’t regret it though, did you?” asks Neil quietly, face still a mere centimetre from Andrew’s own. “Meeting Clara and Willow?”

No, he really doesn’t. He hates to admit it, but Clara Boyd-Wilds had been the child who had set all of this in motion. The one who had first changed his mind about all kids being irritating brats. The one who had opened his eyes to a world of opportunities. The one who had inspired him to quit smoking.

“It’s just lunch,” repeats Neil softly, looking at Andrew with that expression he hates, and his heart feels both light and heavy as it jumps in his chest. 

“Let’s go,” says Andrew, opening the front door, and Neil follows without hesitation. 

“What’s this I hear about the monster rescuing a child from an abusive home?” is the first thing Allison asks when they arrive, gesturing for them to sit down. The restaurant isn’t what Andrew would have expected from her; it’s small and cosy, and offers ten different forms of sundae. 

Neil smiles and pulls out Andrew’s chair, which to anyone else would seem like a chivalrous, couple-y thing to do, but Andrew knows it’s Neil’s way of telling him to sit down and behave. 

He does so. 

“I only called it in,” he replies flatly. “She tried to show up to practice with a broken arm and a face full of bruises; I couldn’t just let her go home.”

Allison stares at him appraisingly, like she’s still trying to figure out the inner workings of his soul. 

If Andrew has his way, she’ll never figure it out. 

What he won’t tell her is that he and Emily had discussed this at great length. She had an aunt whose care she could be placed under, should she be taken away from her mother, so wouldn’t end up in foster care. In the end, his call hadn’t even been necessary. Ms. Jones had died in a car crash before they could pay her a visit. 

Andrew and Neil had waited with a shaken Emily while her aunt came to pick her up, and haven’t seen her since. Andrew thinks he misses her. She’d got quite good at talking to him during the nine months he’d known her, and although he couldn’t offer advice the way Bee could, Andrew had been good at listening. Only this morning, they’d found out that Emily’s aunt had denied becoming her long-term legal guardian for health reasons, and the girl was going to be placed into care after all. She’s young and quiet; Andrew thinks she’ll likely be picked up by a foster family soon enough. 

“So much tragedy so early in life,” muses Allison eventually, tapping bright pink fingernails rhythmically against her coffee mug. “She’d make a good Fox.”

Andrew glares at her, but that only sharpens her smirk. Neil is looking between them in confusion, but Andrew knows what she’s alluding to. The most irritating thing about it is that she’s not wrong. Andrew is perfectly willing to accept Emily into their ranks, and family is about who he is inclined to protect, after all. 

“Does Allison know something I don’t?” asks Neil later, gathering his things to head to the court for mandatory practice ahead of tomorrow’s game. 

“No,” replies Andrew flatly. “She’s just more intuitive than you are.”

“Okay,” says Neil easily. “Then let me work it out. Emily would make a good Fox. You agree; therefore you’d protect her. You already have. The Foxes are our family. Family is about who you’re willing to protect.”

Andrew practically sees the light-bulb click on in Neil’s brain.

“You want to adopt her?” He asks, seeming surprised when Andrew nods. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

Andrew hesitates. “A while.”

“A while? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Andrew stares at Neil tensely for a minute, but the other man seems more confused than annoyed. “It was a pipe dream.”

Neil lets out a quiet laugh, coming closer to place a palm lightly against the side of Andrew’s neck. “I was a pipe dream once, remember?”

“You still are,” grumbles Andrew, leaning into the touch. 

“And yet here I am.”

“I hate you,” says Andrew, and kisses him. 

As much as Andrew is grateful that the location of home games with the US Court means that Neil can come back to the apartment right afterwards, it’s still torturous to watch the game and the interviews from afar. Especially when they ask about him. 

“How’s Minyard doing with his youth team?” asks a reporter loudly as Andrew scowls at his TV screen. 

“Great,” replies Neil with a smile, almost as if he can’t help it. “They’ve won slightly more than they’ve lost, so that’s something. And he’s really connecting with those kids.”

Andrew mimes chucking the remote at Neil's head. 

When Andrew walks back into the apartment late on Saturday evening after a failed quest to buy his favourite ice cream, he’s not in the best of moods. This isn’t made any better by the fact that although Neil’s back, he’s video-chatting with Nicky on his laptop. They both seem particularly chirpy as they talk about Neil’s efforts to groom his and Andrew’s scruffy cats into something resembling presentable. Andrew can see from one glance at the living fur-balls that it hasn't worked. Grumbling, he lets the door swing shut behind him as he kicks off his shoes.

Neil glances over and smiles at him, gesturing in the direction of the freezer. Curious, Andrew checks, and sure enough there sits an unopened tub of ice cream. Andrew’s heart swells. Neil grins at him from his spot at the counter but doesn’t make any particular effort to alert Nicky to his presence. This shows because although Nicky switches topics, the next thing he asks is, “have you seen any of the fanfiction?”

“What fanfiction?” asks Neil with a frown, absently petting King, who’s nestled on the stool at his side. Sir trots over to curl around Andrew’s legs, grumbling at the lack of attention. 

“Well, since you made your relationship public and all, Andreil fanfiction has become a lot more popular. And now that Andrew’s coaching kids ...”

Andrew narrows his eyes, still out of sight of the webcam as he tries to extract his feet from Sir’s attentions. 

“What’s Andreil?” questions Neil.

“That’s your ship name.”

Andrew can see Neil wants to ask more questions, but visibly refrains from opening that can of worms. 

“I found a really cute one the other day,” Nicky continues. “An AU where you and Andrew met in high school and fell in love and got matching tattoos -”

He cuts off abruptly as Andrew finally manages to escape his purring shackles and make his way over to the laptop. The last thing he sees is Nicky’s terrified face before he slams the laptop closed. He kisses Neil’s head in thanks for the ice cream, humming absently as he grabs a spoon and retreats to the lounge. He’ll let Nicky sit and fear for Neil’s life - and his own - for a few hours longer. 

“What’s andreilstan69?” asks Neil later, frowning at his reopened laptop screen.

Andrew scoffs. “That’s Nicky’s Tumblr username.”

“Oh,” says Neil. 

Andrew looks at him properly then. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Neil.”

Neil smiles, shakes his head, and closes his laptop gingerly. “Everyone on Twitter is sending me a link to something he's written, that's all.”

Andrew narrows his eyes, pulling up Nicky’s Tumblr profile on his phone. Sure enough, his last post is titled, Andrew and Neil adopt a baby. 1.5k words.

“I’m going to kill him,” Andrew growls, throwing his phone to the other end of the sofa. He’ll kill Allison too, for spreading this around. 

Ever since Andrew and Neil came out to the public about their relationship upon Andrew’s retirement from the pro league, Nicky has been an unstoppable force in the fandom that surrounds their personal life. He manages to provide insider information, as he calls it, in the form of perfectly innocent-sounding fanfiction (if such a thing exists), and although a lot of the things he writes about actually happen, such as pictures of the cats appearing on social media weeks after Nicky had written about them, no one appears to have cottoned on to the fact that this person knows them in real life. 

Andrew can’t help but wonder, however, how many more things will have to come true before the more astute fans finally catch on. After the call he and Neil made to Emily’s foster home that morning, he’s sure he won’t have to wait long to find out. 

PART SIX