(kicks door down) commentary meme for the opening of ch5 of TLBT? I’m not not sure how long 500 words is at a glance but at least through the scrying part? -emeraldgreaves
If you mean the whole beginning of ch 5 up through the scry, it's actually 877 words, but who cares, we'll do it anyway, bc you're one of my foremost enablers(especially for tLBT) and I can't really find a good place to cut part of it so it's 500 or fewer. xD Also, excellent choice. :3
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After spending a few more minutes annoyed at her inability to talk to Red about the gala, Xaeryn managed to wrench her thoughts back to the case. There was still daylight, she had time to investigate the alleyway following up on what Ferrin had said. Just in case she wound up pushing toward evening, however, she opted to drive rather than walk. There’d been a few news articles recently about an uptick in pickpockets, and it wouldn’t do to make anyone worry.
There was, as luck would have it, a spot not far from the mouth of the alley, and she deftly maneuvered her car into the space between two much newer-model automobiles. Their gleaming black finish made hers look positively dingy by comparison but also brought to mind her tail from the last visit to the museum. Neither, however, had accents of any color, and she was equal parts disappointed and reassured as she headed for the alley.
Xaeryn's been a fun challenge to write as the main/only POV bc she's more closed off, formal, and straightforward, less the charming, friendly, lightly sarcastic banter type of character I usually gravitate towards. She eases up a bit around Red bc he rubs off on her whenever they're together(also bc she's stuck on him). She's normally not shy about making her wants/needs/requirements etc known--see her convo with Riel in ch 1, or any of the times she talks to Aerin--and is usually very good at separating the personal and professional, so for her to get tongue-tied and chicken out of asking for something absolutely vital to her investigation for personal reasons has her v irritated at herself. She's also v good at focusing on the task at hand, or at least pushing on through potential distractions. Hence the being annoyed at herself only lasting a few minutes before plowing on with the case.
And I'm p sure we all know she really means when she thinks she doesn't want anyone Red to worry. :3 I had to put that in there, the lil exaggerated snipe-y mental eyeroll that's also 100% for real. She doesn't want him to worry. Mostly bc then he'll fuss, which is almost as annoying as it is endearing.
She started at the entrance and worked in toward the gates, figuring she could continue down the other side if she came up empty. Part of her was cynical about finding anything so long after the fact, but the stubborn part--frustrated by her slow progress on this case--refused to give up without confirming. It didn’t look like this alley was cleaned all that often, maybe there was something useful.
It's very fun having a character who's equal parts stubborn and cynical. A lot of "this has a 99% chance of being useless, but my other option is giving up SO I'm doing it anyway."
Besides, it was a distraction from the other thing she needed to find--the nerve to ask Red about the gala. It was much more elusive quarry than anything case related.
Ngl, I'm very proud of this pair of sentences.
What was so hard about asking him?
YOU KNOW, XAERYN SHRIKE. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY.
I don’t want to inconvenience him when he’s already doing so much for me.
You know he’d be happy to help, floated through her mind and only made matters worse.
The fun part about this is she genuinely doesn't want to inconvenience him. He's done a lot for her already and she doesn't want to take him from his "real job" to help her. And is also using it as an excuse. Both things are true!
She also knows he'd drop literally everything in a heartbeat to help her just for the asking(and she would for him).
Disrupting his schedule to travel all the way to Haven is a little different than turning him loose on a research project, she countered, nudging aside a tattered tarp with her shoe. Nothing.
He just told you he doesn’t have as much going in right now. And both of you would drop everything to help the other and you know it.
Alright, fine, I don’t trust myself. The fact sat solid in her chest as soon as she admitted it, brusquely poking around a stack of discarded pallets. I’m afraid if I ask him to do this, even if it is genuinely as a friend, I won’t be able to hide the way I feel under those circumstances.
Her mask is only so good, after all. And she's been hiding this a long, long time. It's had plenty of opportunity to grow.
It was a tricky thing, carrying a torch for your best friend. And delicacy had never been a strength of hers. She was all honesty and no varnish, too blunt-
Forthright, Red’s voice corrected gently in her head.
--too forthright to be good at playing games and she dreaded what might happen if Red picked up on something bothering her.
I love "all honesty, no varnish" as a description for Ryn, another thing I'm v proud of. I love her hearing Red's voice in her head, correcting her to be kinder about herself while also being honest about what she sees as a shortcoming.
Well, your options are ask him or not go, so if you want to make progress on this case you better get ahold of yourself. You can do this. You are a professional, aren’t you?
Her foot hit something that skittered away with a clattery rasp, breaking through her internal debate. A keen glance after the object revealed only a rusting crowbar, and Xaeryn gave a soft growl of disappointment. Not far from the crowbar, however, something silver and promising glinted from a jumble of discarded paint cans and crate frames half-stacked into a shelter. She shifted the debris enough to reach and found herself holding a fine black leather sheath, dagger-sized, silver tipped and accented. A silver insignia at the top, opposite the beltloop, bore an unfamiliar crest--what looked like crossed lightning bolts or vines surmounted with a sword, or maybe a lance. It was difficult to tell at that scale.
I can't make it too easy on her, or the payoff's no fun :D (Also, I wanted her to go to the library for the Ysa cameo)
She balanced the sheath on a nearby broken crate, pulled out her notebook and a pencil and took a rubbing of the crest. A quick shorthand annotation where she’d found it, and then she started to stash it all in her handbag. It would be a bit of a tight fit, but better than carrying her find where it would raise eyebrows.
Very professional, this gal. Immediately makes a copy of potential evidence, and a note where she found it, takes steps to not draw attention.
Xaeryn paused just before slipping the sheath in her bag. She studied it again, catching her lower lip between her teeth. What if... A quick glance at the wall behind her to ensure it was relatively clean and she leaned against the stone while focusing hard on the small sheath. There might, if this belonged to the green-haired man, be enough trace of the owner left to Scry a clue.
The world fell away in a watery grey roil, clarifying into a scene almost as disorienting as the shift itself. The viewing angle was odd, a blur of motion off-center drawing her attention. It shifted into focus, resolving into a pair of figures mid-scuffle. One was a green-haired man, clothes decent but nondescript aside from currently being mussed by the fight, the other she couldn’t make out beyond a wild beard and the impression of ragged clothes. A street bum maybe? They tussled, each getting in a few good licks, there was a gleam of metal in their grappled hands, then one’s foot caught the sheath, sending it spinning toward its resting place and jolting Xaeryn out of the vision.
By this point in the planning/outlining process, I had solidified Darius and Briony's actual role in the plot(Ryn was actually supposed to talk to them in the museum, when she follows Briony during the gala, but then ch 6 ran away from me BIG TIME and I had to bump it lol), but this being a detective story, I had to keep the suspense up a little longer and be a little vague about whether Mr. Green Hair is one of the bad guys or just Sus™. Scries are fun to write, bc it's a way to give her a little bit of bonus information, especially when it's bonus info with no witnesses she could've talked to. When they work. And I have a reason for the ones that don't. :3
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Death Note AU where hbomberguy makes a five hour long video about youtuber Light Yagami that's initially completely unrelated to the murders (Light would probably plagiarize or have really unhinged right-wing political takes if he was on youtube)
but halfway through he reveals that while researching he stumbled upon evidence that Light might be behind the Kira murders, and then spends like fourty minutes explaining the concept of a shinigami, an hour explaining how he thinks Light used one to commit murders, and then another hour explaining Light's ideology and why the concept of criminals being inherently evil is flawed
He finishes the video by addressing Light directly and telling him that he (Hbomberguy) had his name legally changed before uploading the video, to something that only he knows, making it impossible for Light to kill him
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